#but part of maturing is finding that first layer of deep and slowly going deeper into it

[pinkradioheart]

she was 100% right

the year is 2013

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.  

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances.  (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good”  Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure  triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t  have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased,  then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right?  If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with  this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

[hockeyboysiguess]

peace | t. seguin

a/n: had this idea for a hot minute. finally felt like writing it out!

wine pairing: a port wine, pretty much as sweet as wine gets. 

warnings: cavity causing sweetness. some swearing. 

word count: 2.8K

Tyler Seguin had taken a while to grow up, longer than some people wanted, longer than even Tyler himself had wanted at some points. Some people had lost faith he ever would, even some of the people closest to him. It made him cautious and caused him to retreat further into his comfortable shell of youth and false innocence. It prevented him from becoming the person he was always meant to be. Youth and the mistakes that come along with it weren’t forever and he had always know that. But it was easy. Continuing down a straight, defined path was easier than taking one that branched off into the surrounding mist with no idea what the end would look like, even if the path he was on would end in a brick wall he’d seen coming since he’d started on it. 

Until you. 

Meeting you for the first time was one of Tyler’s foggiest memories. He had been absolutely trashed, falling all over himself at a bar. You had been there with a few friends, celebrating something that good that had happened at work, a good presentation, a new client, a promotion, Tyler couldn’t remember for the life of him. Tyler had tried to be smooth and offered to buy you a drink, but the interaction instead ended up with you flagging down a bartender to get him a glass of water and slyly confiscating the whiskey sour from him when he was too lost in the effort of trying to impress you to notice. You got two cups of water in him before he had even noticed. To be fair, Tyler hadn’t noticed much of anything that night, just that you were beautiful and that he had liked your smile from across the bar. 

Somehow, someway, you had given him your number before he left under the guise of letting you know when he got home safely. It wasn’t a guise on your part, but Tyler had used it as an opportunity to ask you out to brunch, the most innocent sounding of dates, as a way to say thank you for taking care of him. By some grace from something Tyler wasn’t even sure he fully believed in, you had agreed to brunch. He was all but convinced you were going to stand him up, realizing that he was just the mess you’d seen that one night, and that you could definitely do better than him. But you were there when he arrived, put together and so good, so much better than him. You were still there really, since Tyler had shown up fifteen minutes late. 

He didn’t know why, considering you were probably the most beautiful person he had ever been allowed in twenty feet of, but you laughed, you smiled, you enjoyed his company. You told him you did. You were blunt, strong in your beliefs in the face of any test. In all the time Tyler had known you, beginning with your choice to show up on the date even though he was certain everyone in your life who looked out for you told you not to go, you never wavered from your convictions, not even for a second. Your feet were firmly planted in your viewpoints, roots wrapping around each one to hold you in place, strong enough to weather any storm. 

You showed up for a second date, then the third, then Jamie’s birthday party, then to dinner with his mom and sisters. You kept showing up, even as Tyler held his breath, waiting for you to realize that he was so flawed compared to you. You were a future masterpiece and Tyler was at best a work in progress, but it was already so obvious that while you deserved to be hung in a prominent spot in the Louvre when you were finished, Tyler’s top showing might be an abstract college art gallery in a hidden New York alley. But god, did he love getting to be the person who got to stand next to you, seeing each brush stroke of the life you were building in motion. You were the most impressive person he had ever met and you continued to be, every layer of paint containing something else that astounded him and made him feel inferior, like he was tarnishing, borderline ruining, the masterpiece that was you by putting his hands in the wet paint of your life. You swore to him he was only making you better. 

He didn’t know how that was possible, but he trusted your words. Your integrity ran too deep in the foundations of who you were to lie to him. With every addition to your life, your integrity ran through it. You knew exactly the person you wanted to be and you would drag yourself there kicking and screaming if that’s what it took. The depth of your integrity was the thing that made Tyler most terrified, because he barely had any idea of who he was before he met you. He felt like he was standing in the middle of a hurricane that made up his life and he was a sapling among the winds, green and flexible, but with swallow roots, barely sunk in, constantly in danger of being lifted from the soil at the words of shitty friends and strangers on the internet. You were solid, firm, sunk deep into the soil next to him and thank god for that. Tyler wasn’t great at a lot of things when he met you, but he knew he had to hold onto you. If holding onto you was the only thing he ever did right, it would be more than enough. 

Except Tyler felt guilty for doing it, because while Tyler matured with you, his roots growing deeper along with his convictions, he still felt small standing next to you. Sometimes when he got to do his childhood dream of a job, a grown man playing a little kid’s sport, talking shit on the ice, in interviews, in the locker room, he felt like he was wasting the good person you were, like he was wasting your integrity and honor with his own actions. He could give you adventures, fulfill your wildest dreams. He could give you the family you always wanted. He could hold your hand through the worst storms, help you fight off the potential robbers of your happiness. But the storm would always come and the robbers would always be on your doorstep because Tyler was the one pulling them in. His job brought attention, resulting in a chaotic version of your life that you never envisioned for yourself. He could never stop it, only stand next to you as you stood tall in the storm. 

Standing there, with the sun slowly setting behind him, barring down on his neck, his suit felt heavy on his shoulders, but not as heavy as the velvet box in his hands. He’d had it for over a month now. Designing the contents had been easy, arguably fun even for Tyler who had thought it would be like a root canal, but the second the jeweler had handed him the finished product, the doubt started forming, dragging his mind down. Before he held the ring, he felt like he had been floating on the best memories of your relationship, giving him confidence that you would say yes. Those cherished memories kept his mind afloat, far enough away from potential pitfalls to move forward with creating this symbol of your relationship in his hands. But without warning, he was in mental quicksand made up of past fights, the negative outside opinions he has always pushed aside and hoped you did to, and past versions of himself he didn’t like as much, and he felt like he couldn’t get his head above water long enough to find any possible reason you might say yes instead of no. 

But here he was, unable to handle the doubt anymore, velvet box in hand, ready to ask you to marry him because the only way he couldn’t doubt your answer was if he knew it. Tyler bounced on his heels, his new dress shoes creasing with his movements. Why had he gotten new shoes for this? Didn’t he have enough dress shoes? That’s what you asked him when he’d brought them home a week ago, after he finally realized he was going to feel like he was drowning until he asked you. He had waved you off, saying he didn’t have a pair this particular shade, which was a lie. They were black. Shades were a little irrelevant in the realm of black dress shoes. He didn’t know exactly why he had bought them, or why they helped bring him to this point, the park where you’d walked together after your second date, but they had and because of that, he didn’t regret buying yet another pair of black dress shoes. 

He checked his watch again for easily the twentieth time in a tenth of those minutes. You would be walking down the path any moment and this would be real. This was the last moment that Tyler could live in limbo, the last moment of carrying the doubt that was hanging so heavy on his mind, but also the last moment he wouldn’t know if your answer was no. God, what would he do if you said no? He didn’t have a plan for that, for what it would feel like to watch his entire future go blank in one moment, for what it would feel like for his heart to come out of his chest through his throat only to have it tossed aside like yesterday’s newspaper. Tyler shook his head softly and turned the box over in his hands again.

He heard your laugh before you came around the bend and it made him smile. It made him remember exactly why he had started this horrible journey to this moment in the first place; he couldn’t imagine his life without that laugh, without your hair ties scattered across his house, without you standing at the front door every single time he came home from a road trip, no matter the time. Tyler’s breath caught in his throat when you came into view. You looked beautiful every day, but that was his favorite dress, the one from your fourth date, and you were wearing the heels he had bought you for the first birthday of yours he spent with you. As you came closer, he saw the earrings from Christmas this past year and the necklace that matched them that he followed up with for your anniversary a few months ago. There were touches of how he touched your life all over you and it made him feel, for a second, like maybe you might just say yes. 

“Tyler,” you smiled at him softly and he had to let out a long, strained breath to try to get his head on straight, “what is all of this? Jamie didn’t tell me anything.” 

“Yeah, I told him not to,” Tyler laughed a little, trying to expel some of his nerves in his laughter.

“What’s going on, Ty?” you pressed again, taking in the flowers, the candles, and Tyler’s suit, which at least made you feel less like the only person overdressed for a walk in the park.

Tyler didn’t answer with his words. He let his eyes find yours and he thought about how central the woman behind them had become to his entire life. He didn’t have a speech planned. He knew he would have forgotten it anyway. He slowly dropped down onto his right knee and just let the words tumble out of his mouth, just trying to keep the pace somewhere near where you could possibly understand. 

“When I met you, I was someone else. I was a guy who never showed up anywhere on time. I hated mornings and responsibility. I didn’t know who I really wanted to be, let alone how to get there. I didn’t really believe in much of anything, least of all myself,” Tyler started, “but you changed all of that, just by being there. You showed up in my life and didn’t try and change a single thing about me. You showed up and I realized I wanted to be better. You were the catalyst. You started this chain reaction of change that made me realize the person I wanted to be was the person who deserved someone like you.” 

Your hands were covering your mouth as the tears welled up in your eyes. You couldn’t speak so thank god you didn’t have to. You just needed to listen, so you did. 

“I’m still not some perfect guy. I’m a work in progress and I know that. I’m not a hundred percent sure of who I’m going to be, but I know I’m ready to be the best husband to you. You’re the person that I tell everything to, my wildest dreams, my fears, my ups, my downs, my lefts, my rights, but you’re also the only person I can sit in silence with and feel comfortable doing it because I don’t feel alone in silence if you’re sitting next to me in it too,” Tyler continued. 

“I see your brother as my brother, your family as my family. God, I want to create a new family with you so badly, give you that child I know you’ve wanted your entire life. I want to keep you warm during the cold nights. I want to make sure your head stays above water when the blues come in waves. I want to love you in a way that’s only meant for the two of us to ever understand. I want to be your husband. I want to be your husband more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” 

Tyler cleared his throat. The tears falling down your face were mirrored in his eyes now, threatening to spill over. He couldn’t talk if he cried, so he looked up toward the sky, willing the tears to let him finish first. 

“But baby, I can’t ever give you peace. I can give you all of me, my absolute best foot forward every single day, but I can’t give you peace. I can’t give you the quiet, calm life that you deserve.” His voice was cracking and breaking every other word, the pain he felt behind the words hanging onto each syllable unyieldingly. “There’s always going to be people talking shit, saying terrible things about you, about us. We’re always going to have to live behind high walls with narrow gates. The storm is always going to come for you if you’re standing with me and that kills me, because you deserve to feel safe and secure and at peace in your life.”

Tyler wiped his eyes with the back of his hand slowly, letting out a deep, shaky breath as he tried to pull himself back to a place where he could actually ask you what he came here to ask you. He didn’t think it would be this damn hard. He might have tried to practice otherwise.  

“Is it enough?” Tyler asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Would I be enough, even if I can never give you peace? Is my love good enough to overcome that for the rest of your life? I hope so, because I’m asking if it’s enough. I’m asking you, if everything I can offer you is enough to overcome all of that. If it can, let me be your coparent. Let me be your partner. Let me be your husband.”

Tyler opened the velvet box he swore weighed a ton right now and you gasped behind your closed mouth. His mind was too foggy and too anxious to try to figure out if your reaction was positive or negative at this point.

“Will you marry me?”

The words, the four words that had felt like a shackle on his mind for months now, finally came out of his mouth. The doubt was gone. There was no reason for it anymore. Your answer would be what it was and there was nothing Tyler could do or say to change your mind now. Nothing he said in this moment would. If you wanted to marry him, you would’ve decided you did long before you showed up here today. Your answer was fixed long before Tyler’s speech and he knew that now.

Tyler watched you with anxious eyes, taking in the tears sliding down your face, your hands shaking over your mouth. He watched as you slowly took your hands away from your mouth. Your lower lip was quivering not unlike your hands as you slowly fanned your face in an effort to calm your reddened checks and put a dam on the tears that were still flowing. Even if he hadn’t said a word other than those last four tonight, you already knew your answer. 

“Yes, Tyler. Yes.” 

You offered your hand out, watching as his shaking hands clumsily collided with your to slide the ring onto your left hand. Tyler’s arms around you and his mouth on yours happened in a blurb and you melted into his strong chest. Your fiancé. Your future husband.

Tyler was wrong though. He thought he would create endless noise in the background and foreground of your life, robbing you of the ability to live a good, quiet life. But Tyler gave you all of the peace you could ever want in moments like this, where the entire rest of the world drowned out by his warmth and his love, when you were pressed against his chest.

This was peace and it was more than good enough. It was everything you had ever hoped for.

[2996-sana]

Lucky - Jisoo

request: Please can you write some fluff/angst where Jisoo finds out her girlfriend used to have a bp stan account and had Chaeyoung as her bias so Jisoo gets jealous/insecure and starts acting differently? Thank you!!!

i kinda went another way but it still has the same gist, really ! only that the reader didn’t have a stan account hehe 

p.s. i have received the requests for rosé and jennie but i will be doing a lisa request first since i haven’t put one out for her yet but i am still accepting requests atm

You would like to consider yourself lucky. You were currently in a very happy and healthy relationship with someone who you share an effortlessly rock-solid bond with. Someone who appreciated you for you and prioritized you over everything else. Your friends would always point out how smitten you both were but you never did pay it no mind – they could only wish to have a love as resilient and fun.

Oh yeah, and the person in question? Kim Jisoo. One of Korea’s most sought-after idols.

No big deal. Adding the fact that you were a fan before getting into a relationship with her, you would say lucky is an understatement.

If it wasn’t for your close friendship with Soojoo (who is one of Jisoo’s best friends in the industry) and your persistence to be introduced to the girls of Blackpink, you wouldn’t be where you are today. It took the right timing and the decision to come over at Soojoo’s apartment, only to find out she already had a certain guest over, for fate to lay a hand. Though your constant flirting also definitely helped create a permanent spot for you on Jisoo’s mind.

It wasn’t everyday someone had the guts to flirt with her and usually when someone did, she never had any trouble turning them down. She had bigger and better things to focus on: her career and her Blinks. She had no time for silly relationships at her young age, especially since they were at their peak, but there was something about you that kept her coming back.

That was over a year ago and the relationship that you both have built still leaves everybody in awe. You give majority of the credit to Jisoo who knew exactly how to handle you. She dealt with everything with a maturity you could only wish to have. Although you’d like to think it was already rubbing off on you. Something that your parents will forever be grateful to Jisoo for.

Your girlfriend carried with her a very laid back and goofy disposition. You’ve always admired how calm she was during times when you’d expect the exact opposite and loved her ability to bring comfort to those who weren’t, especially to her own members. Even her fans noticed how caring and protective she became when needed. You always chalked it up to her being the eldest in the group and feeling the need to be the one stable thread that kept everyone together. She was always the strong one when everything seemed to be falling apart.

But this also meant not a lot of people get to see Jisoo the way you do. Because with you, she allows herself to completely break down the walls she surrounds herself with when she’s at work. Gone is the Kim Jisoo of the biggest girl group in the world. All you were left with was Jisoo – your girlfriend.

The first time you saw Jisoo cry was a turning point in your relationship.

You and Jisoo were lounging on your couch on one of her few days off. Both of you were directing your attention to the documentary playing on the TV when you all of a sudden hear sniffles coming from your right. You immediately face the girl you have been seeing for a few months and see her fixing her gaze on her lap whilst she played with her fingers. Her eyes glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As she blinked, they dripped from her eyelids and slid down her cheeks. She bit her lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth

“Jisoo?” you hesitated. At this point, your mind was going wild with the probable reasons why she was suddenly upset. Your brain cogs turning trying to remember if you did anything wrong or maybe she was going to break things off. Of course, she was too busy and didn’t have time for a relationship. Why did you even think this would work out?

“Y/N…” Jisoo’s eyes moved slower and always more down-cast, skimming the floor, rarely raising to eye level as more tears started to fall. It was in her voice too, quieter, with a meekness that wasn't usually part of her speech patter. This was very unlike the Jisoo you were used to. She was sad in a way you hadn't seen before. She brought her hand to intertwine yours together, taking a deep breathe to calm herself.

“Talk to me,” you whispered. “You never have to be afraid to open up to me.”

It was this that made Jisoo’s tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. The muscles of her chin trembled like a small child and it took everything in you not to start crying too. It was not the time.

“I’m just tired,” she mumbled. “There’s been a lot of stress about the album process being delayed again and everyone is just so drained.” she leaned backwards, letting her head fall on the back of the couch and closing her eyes. “I’m so tired.” she emphasized, wiping her tears. You let her cry for a few more minutes waiting until she calms down as you put your arms around her shoulder.

“I will never understand firsthand what that feels like as an artist to go through that but I want you and the girls to know that so many people believe in you,” you consoled. “This is what you guys have been waiting for and you deserve it and more. The process was never gonna be easy but I know that you all love what you do and it will all be worth it because of that and your fans.”

She let out a shaky sigh before turning to face you. She studied your face silently for a second before giving you a small smile. “Thank you. I honestly went to see you tonight because I didn’t wanna be upset in front of the girls. Not right now when they’re all feeling really down too.”

She leaned forward to wrap her arms around you in a hug. “You’re my safe place.”

Before you, Jisoo didn’t think she could ever find a soul, aside from her members, that would ever understand the things that brought her pain.

To be the one Jisoo was able to turn to during her toughest moments was a badge of honor you would gladly wear everyday for the rest of your life.

Right now, you joined the Blackpink girls in their dorm chatting over some chicken and soju. You were all on your fourth bottle and you could sense how tipsy Rosé was becoming, but you knew Jennie and Lisa weren’t too far off either.

“I think its so funny how Y/N was annoying Soojoo to introduce her to us and now she’s practically married to Jisoo unnie,” Jennie giggled, raising the shot glass to her mouth.

Both Rosé and Lisa apparently thought this was the funniest thing ever because they laughed their little hearts silly.

“Oh my god!” Rosé squealed. “I was your bias remember?”

You hid your face on your hands as you shook your head, “Jesus, you’re super drunk.”

“Still doesn’t change the fact I was your bias!” Rosé laughed, putting her head on your shoulder.

“Yah, unnie, look!” Lisa slapped Jisoo’s shoulders, staring at her wildly. “Rosé is trying to steal your girl.” she pointed towards the both of you.

Jisoo only raised an eyebrow towards you before giving Lisa a smile but you knew Jisoo well enough now to differentiate a real smile from a fake one and that did not look genuine at all. Before you could scoot over to your girlfriend, Jennie decided to dig your hole a little deeper.

“I never knew that before Y/N. Why Rosie?” Jennie glared. “Why not me?”

“Yeah! Tell us!” Rosé exclaimed clapping her hands.

And that started a round of chants asking you to tell them the reason.

“Just tell them, babe.” you hear your girlfriend say. You look at her searching for signs not to but she only nodded in encouragement. You knew she was only doing so to appease her wasted members.

“I…I don’t know,” you stammered, looking at everyone. “She just caught my attention, I guess. That was way before I knew you guys though and what you were like. Everything is different now.”

“Well duh, you’re like in love with Jisoo unnie now,” Rosé drunkenly whispered.

You smiled at her words pulling Jisoo closer to you, “That I am.”

•

It was around 3AM when you and Jisoo arrived at your apartment after putting the drunk girls to bed. You and Jisoo decided to spend the night together since it had been weeks since you saw each other. You’ve noticed how quiet Jisoo had been after the whole Rosé being your bias thing and you couldn’t help but worry and wonder why. You’ve caught her in moments of reflection for the rest of the night before remembering where she was and trying to act normal.

You were in bed when you find her uncharacteristically quiet and staring up at the ceiling.

“I know you’re not okay,” you deadpanned, laying on your side to face her. “What’s on your mind?”

“It’s stupid,” she sighed as the words slowly made its way out of her mouth.

“You know I would never invalidate your feelings, right?” you questioned, reaching up to caress her cheek.

“Why me?” she said quietly. “I always asked myself that when we first started dating. Whenever Soojoo mentioned you, she would always talk about your obsession with Chaeyoung and we’d both laugh about it. When I first met you and you started showing interest, I thought you were only using me to get closer to Chaeyoung.” she laughed but you could sense no humor behind it.

You wanted to interject and tell her how wrong she was but you sensed she had more to say.

“So, I put you in arm’s length because of that. I didn’t think you had the best intentions towards me. It was okay at first until I really started to get attached to you too and I thought ‘great, I like someone who is probably into Chaeyoung’. Chaeyoung was your type and I couldn’t be more different from her. I was so confused and didn’t know what your deal was. I started to get really scared when I realized you had to meet the girls.” she recounted. “I was scared that you’d start to like her for real and that she was what you were after all along. I felt lost and confused, but at the same time happy and certain that I really wanted things with you to work out.”

She turned to face you for the first time since she started talking, “I was wrong. You had the most genuine intentions towards me and you proved that time and time again. I guess that tonight, that irrational fear just crawled back to me like a shadow of what I used to feel and that freaked me out.”

After that, you slipped off the blankets and got on top of her, grabbing her face and bringing it closer to yours. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me, Kim Jisoo. I fucking mean that, you know that, right? The moment we met, we clicked, you know that. You were all I could think about the moment I step foot out of Soojoo’s apartment. The only reason Rosie was my bias was because I didn’t know any better. I literally knew jack shit about you guys but the more I got to know you, the more I knew I wanted to be with you. It was never about Blackpink, it was about me getting to know another human being that I adored and respected.”

You were looking down at her probably looking at her like the sun came out of her ass but Jisoo wasn’t complaining. “You curse a lot, you know?” she giggled.

You rolled your eyes, “I come up with that great speech and you choose to talk about a couple curses.”

She leaned up and pressed your lips together.

“You’ve never failed to make me feel that, Y/N. Thank you for putting up with me when I get bouts of insecurity and doubt.” she smiled. “You know I’ll do the same for you too.”

“Yeah, you’re gonna be doing that a lot more for me because you guys are only going up from here,” you pouted. “I’ll have more people to compete with especially with your new drama coming. Your male lead better watch out, whoever he is.” you scoffed.

“There’s no competition in the first place,” she flicked your forehead. “And if there was, it would be a no brainer to know who would win.”

You smirked from above her, “Sure win?”

She crinkled her nose at how corny you were but gave you the biggest smile nonetheless, “You know it, babe.”

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson- Chapter 7: Non-Productive Time

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: On a slow afternoon, Shane remembers a couple of fun evenings with Sy, and can’t help but start texting him…he turns out to be a bad influence.

Don’t want spoilers? Click me first to catch up!

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, a steamy scene that bumps up against the line of smut/not smut…it looks like smuttish is, in fact, a thing, (see what I did there? Toss a high five to your fic writer for the paraphrased Witcher quote in these here notes! lol! Sorry, i’m tired...and in a weird mood tonight...) so, anyway, using that. I love it. 

Author’s Note: This chapter was about half done before I even started SI1 and SI2! So that’s why it’s come along so quickly in the wake of them. It could also mean that there are some continuity issues…I found a couple during the re-write of the first part, and more when I was proofing, so it should be good, but…fair warning, one or more could have escaped me! Also, let me know if the text convo is hard to follow. I’ll try to reconfigure it to be more clear. It seemed to me like context was enough, and they’d had text convos before, and no one said anything…this one’s longer by about 300%, though, so…feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

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@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland

@speakerforthedead0@tumblnewby

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

Time seemed to pass slowly when Shane wasn’t with Sy. When they weren’t having dinner together, or doing their typical date thing. She thought about their second date. One of the bars in town, chosen for its above average bar food but mostly, it’s pool tables. The warning he’d given her via text had made her laugh:

We’re goin’ to Cade’s for apps and pool, if that's okay. As gorgeous as you looked in that blue dress you wore last night, I recommend jeans and a T-shirt for tonight, okay?

She took his suggestion. A simple black tee, because she was a food klutz from hell, layered over a red camisole, and her favorite jeans. It showed off her dainty arrow necklace well.

While they played, they drank beer and talked about life, getting deeper into things than they could at therapy sessions.

“Dad split when I was about ten, I guess. Mom did her best with her only son, but she sent me to my grandpa’s a lot when she was working or just…needing her own time. He’d been an army man. Fought in Korea. His dad was in World War II. It felt like…I don’t know, this pull, like I was meant to join up.”

“Destiny?” She asked. A dreamy tone overtook him when he talked about his family and his now former career.

“I guess. Never though too much of all that before.”

They smiled at one another. Knowing.

“What was he like? Your grandpa?”

“Oh, Pap was the best. He was a mechanic in the service and so he could get anything hummin, ya know? We fixed up and built motors for all kinds a’ shit. My first car was a ‘67 Shelby Mustang with the fast back all because when I was about 14, he found most of one at a salvage yard and basically rescued it from the crusher. Got it for about nothin’. For two years we collected parts and did body work on that thing. And by the time I turned sixteen, it was the most beautiful, show-ready Kerry green machine you ever seen.”

“One of my favorite cars! I’d love to see pictures!”

“I’ve still got ‘er.” He grinned. “When Pap died, it got…hard for me to drive her, ya know? So…special occasions only now. And he left me his truck, which he’d just bought brand new while I was on my first tour. That F150 crew cab we came here in, with all the bells 'n whistles. I couldn’t let such a fine automobile go to waste.” He grinned.

“You’re such a gear head.” She chuckled.

“Hey, you may be glad about that when you need somebody to get your own motor humming.” He teased back at her, bending over the table to take his shot and sinking it deftly. He said they would only play for fun, but he was still winning this round…which she didn’t think was that fun.

“Okay, I deserved that.”

“The shot, or the innuendo?” He asked to clarify.

“Yes.” They laughed. He eventually did miss, making it her turn.

"Ya know, I'm disappointed in this date, Shane." He baited.

"How come?" she asked, a bit hurt.

"A guy only asks a girl to play pool with him so he can show her how to shoot…and you already know."

It was true. She'd played a lot growing up and even a bit as she got older. She and her siblings loved billiards. Her whole family, really. And although she was no professional, she wasn't half bad for an amateur.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently, sizing up the table for her next shot, but knowing with a fair amount of certainty what he was implying.

"You know. I wanted to get all close to ya. Show ya how to grip that cue in your hand. How to stand, bent at the hip, where to eyeball your shot from." he smiled. "All that shit ya see in movies that makes the girl all nervous and excited that the guy's touchin' on her. Pressed up against her."

Shane grinned, picked up the small, blue cube of chalk and rolled the concave side over the tip of her cue…she had no need to do so, most people didn't, really…but she made herself look really sexy doing it and asked Sy, "Is that right? Well, I guess you'll have to find another way to get your cheap thrills, because this girl has been known to run a table." She bent over the green felt seductively, the angle at which she did so displaying her décolletage in his direction just enough to tantalize him into licking his lips. She took her shot at the 10 ball, but sunk the 8 instead, losing her the game…damn. She shouldn't have gotten cocky.

"Run it where, sunshine? Into the ground? Off a cliff?" he laughed as she stomped over and began to poke him mercilessly in the ribs.

"Come on, Minnesota Fats. Let's pay the tab and find something a little cozier to do."

"Oka--wait, did you just call me fat?" he was incredulous. She laughed.

"Oh my God, you thought YOU were gonna teach ME about billiards…Minnesota Fats is like the most famous pool player of ever. I am not calling you fat."

"You messin' with me?" he squinted.

"Sy, google it. I promise. I would never call you fat. You're… my sexy man bear."

"Technically a bear is a fat animal." he sulked.

"Why don't you tell that to one when it's chasing you down to make a meal of ya!" Shane laughed. "Come on. Remember? I think I mentioned something about… finding another way for you to get cheap thrills. Lets explore that, shall we?" she whispered into his ear. He dropped some bills on their table nearby to more than cover their food and beer, and they hauled ass into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had definitely been exploring. In the two weeks since they'd been given the green light to see each other outside of therapy--the day Sy basically handed Shane's boss her own ass--they'd spent most evenings with each other, unless Shane had a particularly late evening at work or an early day the next day. A few nights, they had been together so late, that just staying over seemed the most reasonable option. But they had both agreed to take things slowly with the physical stuff. It had been a long time since either of them had been in a relationship, and given their patient/therapist situation, waiting a while for the sex had seemed like a good idea…on paper. On the sofa had been a different story.

One day last week, she'd had to make an early night of things, and stood up from his couch, but was pulled back down to straddle his lap.

"Hold on a minute, sunshine. Why don't you gimme a proper goodbye before ya go, hmm?" he held her so close to him at every curve of their bodies, like the pieces of a puzzle snapping flush together. His kisses were deep and agonizing, his beard gently brushing her mouth, teasing her with its uncommon softness. She returned the ardor, squeezing him in every way she could.

She couldn't contain the desire pooling at her center, especially when he clearly couldn't contain his, either, straining against his shorts, pressing against her so deliciously, right where she needed him. She didn't hold back. And he was nothing if not encouraging to her endeavor.

"That feels so good, baby. You're so warm. Mmm." he whispered as he nipped at her ear and bit at her neck. She hadn't intended to, but she felt herself slipping over the edge, into pure euphoria and gripped at his hair, still rather short, though growing out from the mandated buzz. The length made him even more sensitive and when she ran her hands up his neck and over the back of his head, the result was like an electric current straight to his manhood. His body tensed as his release followed hers seconds later.

"Fuck." he said. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" she was truly confused.

"For losin' it like a teenager." he sighed and laid his head against the back of his couch in surrender…an unfamiliar sight, Shane was certain.

"Don't worry about it. I mean…it's not quite how I pictured our first time, but--"

"Oh, hell no. This doesn't count as a TIME, sunshine. This is batting practice. A warm up.”

"Ooh, you and your baseball references again. I told you, I need to leave, Sy. You can't get me worked up with that kinda dirty talk." she kissed his cheek, and stood. "Walk me out?"

He did. And they stood holding one another in the dark, leaned up against her Explorer, Sy's back against the door, Shane's cheek on his bare, hairy chest, and the turning of the earth all but forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had to stop thinking about him. About their dates and the time they'd spent together. But her schedule had fallen apart for the day due to a nasty storm that had blown in, she had no more education to work on for now, and she could only clean and organize her treatment room and desk so thoroughly.

She guessed…the secretaries knew she was available if need be…and she was salaried…what was the harm in texting Sy? She'd stayed late and came in early and overworked herself in general so much for this clinic. She could justify a bit of downtime.

Hey! Whatcha doin?

Just did some exercises that my super hot PT gave me! *winky face emoji*

Uh-Oh, should I be jealous?

Mmm, hard to say, sunshine. I guess it'll depend on which one of you sleeps with me first. *devil emoji*

Smart money is on the one who’s already let you get to second base…and basically third, even though…does it count if it’s basically because of a dare. Induced by Jack Daniels?

I think it counts if you came…*smirk emoji*

Damn those skilled fingers and Tennessee whiskey.

What can I say. I told ya I knew how to get a motor humming. *cool guy emoji*

You certainly do. No doubt about that.

So how's your day goin', sunshine?

Eh, everyone's cancelled on me. I have no one until 4:00, and I have nothing to do until then. I've decided to see it as a blessing and text my favorite fella.

And when he didn't respond, you resorted to me? *smirk emoji*

Hey you know that you have no competition for my affection other than like, my dad…and Chris Evans. Lol

Your dad, I'm sure I couldn't compete with if I tried, from what you've told me. Chris…well, I'm a REAL captain, not some guy jumpin' around in tights.

Mmmm, shame. I bet you'd look good in a getup like that. *heart eyes emoji*

You think so?

Yup! *American flag emoji*

You wanna be my Black Widow?

I mean…I've already basically got a costume…*embarrassed monkey emoji*

*several lines of big eye emojis*

Yeah, a few Halloweens ago…I was Romanoff. Now you know. I'm a total nerd.

I'm a nerd, too, sunshine. Serious nerd.

How am I just finding out about this? There's next to no merch at your place, and you never wear typical nerd shirts…*skeptical face emoji*

You haven't seen my whole place…*wink emoji*

What, are you telling me you have Batman bedsheets? *lol emoji*

Oh, it's much…much worse than that. The bedroom is pretty neutral, but…I have a…kind of rec room in the basement that is basically nerd central.

Oh. Em. Gee. I can't WAIT to see that, Sy!!! And how dare you hold out on me!!!

Well, I mean, I didn't wanna lay out all my cards right off the bat. I'm playing the long game.

Ah, so, when do I get to see this nerd trap?

Come on over, sunshine. *smiley face*

I said, I've got a patient at 4:00.

Everyone's cancelled on you. Can't you cancel on them for once?

Not unless I'm violently ill do I ever have any patients cancelled on my behalf.

So…say you're violently ill and come see me. *shrugging man emoji*

I dunno, Sy…

I got stuff to make that soup you like…

She had made it clear to him how much she loved soup, especially a good creamy potato soup, and on one of their dates, he'd had her over and there was a big pot of the stuff on his stove, made from scratch. She'd never had better, and he almost got lucky that night…and I mean…he still got a little lucky. He cooked for her AND cleaned up, AND let her pick the movie that night. She still picked an action movie, because she wasn't really a romance movie type, overall. Even so. Could she leave him hanging?

She opened her thread with Heather in her messenger app on her laptop.

Heather, is there anyone who could take my last patient, Mr. Lopez?

Looks like Cheri has a cancel around that time. Need me to move him?

If you could. I'm not feeling well.

Are you pregnant?

Omg, every fucking time. Why when anything is amiss in a woman's life must it be pregnancy?! And why is it okay to ask that question?! Ugh! She loved Heather like a sister, and it probably was just a joke, but uuuuuugh!

Yes…yes I am. *eye roll emoji* I've got a killer headache that's making me queasy. I'll email Susan. Thanks.

You bet. Tell Sy I said hi. *wink emoji*

Shut up.

After a quick and concise email to her boss, she picked her phone back up. One unread message.

You there, sunshine?

She simply replied,

Get that soup ready, Captain, I'm on my way.

Up Next: Chapter Eight: Heat/Ice

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2020 Day 11: Established Relationship

A Christmas Miracle | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 1019 Main Tags/Warnings: fluff; holiday fic Summary: A day to be marked: when Dean Winchester finally says "I love you".

Is there a reason you're naked in my bed? | @casseythebee

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1085 Main Tags/Warnings: kissing, nakedness, mentions of violence, blood, language Summary: the boys arrive back to the bunker after a hunt. With a bit of adrenaline still coursing through them they have a little fun, that gets a bit interrupted

Sick Day | @mrshays28-blog

Rating: General Word Count: 1093 Main Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Husbands, Castiel Has A Cold, Dean Takes Care of Castiel, Dean Gets A Cold, Domestic Fluff Summary: Dean and Castiel spend a quiet evening together just as Castiel’s starting to recover from a cold. Dedicated to anyone who’s gotten sick because their S.O. is also sick.

Ash | @deansrightfulangerissue

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1106 Main Tags/Warnings: Housefire, Canon Universe, Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: Dean's shoulders tremble as they watch the flames devour everything he and Cas have built together.

Proposal Gone... Right? | @fangirlingtodeath513

Rating: General Word Count: 1194 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester,Dean Winchester,Castiel (Supernatural),Marriage Proposal,Fluff,Domestic Fluff,Romance Summary: Dean's been planning this proposal for a long time, but on the day he's actually supposed to propose, nothing seems to go his way. Will he actually manage to propose without everything falling apart?

Faithfully | @cr-noble-writes​

Rating: General Word Count: 1311 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Mild Angst, Happy Ending, deaf cas, Rockstar Dean Summary: Castiel is very unhappy with the fact that Dean is working on Valentine’s Day. But maybe he can be forgiven.

You look so sexy when you’re ignoring me. | @casseythebee

Rating: General Word Count: 1415 Main Tags/Warnings: language Summary: After Castiel catches Dean flirting with a, quite frankly gorgeous, girl at a bar he tries to give him the silent treatment, for the first time.

Just The Way You Are | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 1555 Main Tags/Warnings: self esteem issues, body image issues, emotional hurt/comfort Summary: Coming back home to only silence is never good in Dean's vision; finding Cas crying, all alone, makes it even worse.

Spit-Polish and Shine | @jemariel

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1564 Main Tags/Warnings: PWP, voyeurism/exhibitionism, top!Cas, bottom!Dean, sex on the Impala Summary: You know how Dean Winchester doesn't wear shorts? Well. Sometimes he does. Unredeemed filthy porn on a car.

and let me correct it | @curioussubjects

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1584 Main Tags/Warnings: Coda, Episode: s15e09 The Trap, Fluff and Smut, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Feelings, Non-Penetrative Sex, Post-Episode: s15e09 The Trap Summary: They’re in the hallway about to part for the night when Dean makes a decision. He steps closer to Cas, slowly – careful since it’s been a while since they were last like this. Cas doesn’t back away, doesn’t add any distance between them, though he looks at Dean with curiosity, a trace of hope and a challenge in his eyes.

Not According To Plan | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: General Word Count: 1724 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Established Relationship Summary: A fire truck, a smoky kitchen and an unexpected surprise are awaiting Dean after coming back home from work.

Meeting Emma | @deansrightfulangerissue

Rating: General Word Count: 1952 Main Tags/Warnings: Mention of a Car Accident, Minor Injury to a Child, Hospital Setting, Alternate Universe, Dad!Dean Summary: Dean’s pacing the hospital corridor like some nervous expecting father. After all, that’s who he is right now. And the daughter he didn’t know he had will be here any moment.

An Angel Cake for an Ex-Angel | @cloverhighfive

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2411 Main Tags/Warnings: domestic fluff, romantic fluff Summary: Cas is depressed and Dean is looking to make him feel better by baking him an angel food cake (he fails a few times).

Kiss and Make Up | @fangirlingtodeath513

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2546 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester,Dean Winchester,Castiel,Smut,Fluff and Smut,Arguing,Jealousy,Angry Sex,make-up sex,Blow Jobs,Face-Fucking,Topping from the Bottom,Power Bottom,Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester,Power Bottom Castiel (Supernatural),Bottom Castiel (Supernatural),Top Dean Winchester,Barebacking,Naked Cuddling,Post-Coital Cuddling Summary: It's the same argument they've had a million times before; Dean's too jealous, especially when Castiel is already engaged to him. This time, though, Cas isn't going to let their argument get in the way of some hot make-up sex.

Home Alone | @kitmistry

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2740 Main Tags/Warnings: Underage, Highschool AU, Fluff and Humor Summary: ""Dean, shut up,"" Castiel cut him off, flush faced and gorgeous, and looking every bit done with Dean's complaints and every layer of clothes between them. He yanked Dean's shirt off, before lowering his head to suck and bite at the curve where neck met shoulder, and Dean's brain fizzled out. He couldn't think of much else but fingers undoing his belt, and the tan skin he uncovered when he managed to wrestle Cas out of his shirt, and then there was a hand making its way inside his underwear, Cas kissing him to breathlessness. A car door slammed closed outside the house. Or the one where Dean is stuck in a bathroom.

The Secret Boyfriend | @fangirlingtodeath513

Rating: General Word Count: 2759 Main Tags/Warnings: Marriage, Weddings, Engagement, Engaged Castiel/Dean Winchester, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, Wedding Jitters, Established Relationship, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester Summary: It all starts when Sam sends Dean and Cas separate invitations for his wedding. Then there's the fact that Mary asks if they'll mind sharing a bed. Dean's family can't still be in the dark about the fact that he and Cas are together... can they?

I've Never Wished for Anything more than You | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 3054 Main Tags/Warnings: canon temporary character death; canon divergent 12x23 Summary: Dean has lost many people before—it’s practically a normal thing in his line of work—but none of them hurt as much as Castiel’s death. Especially because Dean is sure there’s no possible way for the angel to come back again. Or so he thought.

It was just a prank | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3795 Main Tags/Warnings: Prank Wars, April Fools' Day, Sam writes a love letter in Cas' name, hurt!Dean, playing with someone's feelings Summary: When Sam wakes up to discover that his mattress is soaking wet and his brother laughing loudly, he decides to take vengeance. Somehow, along the way, the prank war turns a bit too serious and Dean ends up really hurt.

Deep Blue Ocean | @suckerfordeansfreckles

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4046 Main Tags/Warnings: creature AU, cecaelia Cas, tentacles, first time, bottom Dean, established relationship Summary: Dean’s been in contact with supernatural creatures and people for all his life, as far as he can remember. He’s been working as a social worker for years now, specifying on cases that involve supernatural families. But he’s never really… been with a supernatural creature. He’s never been with anyone, ever, for more than a night, really — not the relationship type, that‘s what he used to excuse it on. But then he met Cas, on a case he worked with his brother, one in a cecaelia community in California. He met Cas, a cecaelia himself, and was kind of lost right away, because Cas was friendly, helpful, articulate and kind of brilliant. He’s also… gorgeous. When Dean first saw him, he kind of lost all breath and brainpower. They’ve been together for a few months now, but in all this time, they haven’t been intimate, haven’t really dared to go beyond their heavy make-out sessions. It’s especially hard again for Dean today, to not just devour Cas. To not just beg him for more.

On Display | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4053 Main Tags/Warnings: Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Praise Kink, Team Dean Winchester's Red Ass, Toys, Exhibitionism, Camboy Dean Winchester, Panties Summary: “I’ve invited a special guest for today,” Dean tells his viewers, glancing away from the camera as the bed dips beside him. Cas is all easy confidence as he settles onto the mattress next to Dean, and they share a quick smile before Dean turns his attention back to the viewers. “This is my boyfriend. For all of you who’ve wanted to see me get fucked by something other than my varied collection of toys…” He winks teasingly and pitches his voice a little deeper—teasing, sultry. “Today’s your lucky day.”

Texas Sun | @banshee1013

Rating: Mature Word Count: 4185 Main Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Sam Winchester Is Not Amused, Fluff, Canon Related, Honeymoon Summary: Ever since Cas and Dean tied the knot, they have been driving Sam *insane* with their inappropriately located and utterly spontaneous make-out suggestions. So when he finds them looking at filming locations for the movie ""Tombstone"" in Arizona, he suggests they take some time (and give him a break!) and road-trip it. Dean plans the route and takes the long way 'round through Texas - all the more time to spend with his angel, and show him some sights along the way.

Till Dawn | @kitmistry

Rating: Mature Word Count: 4431 Main Tags/Warnings: Major Character Death, Implied Suicide, Zombie Apocalypse AU, Fluff and Agst Summary: Before the world went to hell and the dead took over, Castiel and Dean couldn't have led more different lives. While Castiel was wasting away at an insurance company, Dean was busy chasing tornadoes around the country with his brother. They would have never met - they wouldn't have even known the other existed - if humanity hadn't crumbled like a card tower. Or the one where Dean helps Castiel escape.

Red | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5509 Main Tags/Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, gore and blood, minor characters deaths, major character injury Summary: Dean didn't even think; he ran to Cas as fast as he could, screaming his name in pure terror, grabbing a handful of Cas's uniform to pull him into his lap. Cas's eyes were wide as he stared at Dean, hands grasping uselessly at the wound by his side. His uniform was soon more red than green and Dean could feel it seeping through his combat pants. The smell soon reached Dean's nose and he couldn't do anything more than just cradle Cas's head between his hands, sobs coming out of his mouth along with something he thought was please no, not him, not him. He never actually believed in prayer until that very moment but he had to start, because all he could do was pray to any and every gods that could be out there to not take Cas away from him, because Dean wouldn't be able to survive without him; Dean couldn’t even think of living without Cas. The amount of blood and the paleness that Cas's face was turning told Dean that none of the gods were actually hearing him, but he kept on praying because there was nothing more he could do; please, God, no, not Cas, please, don't take him away from me, I love him.

Interrupted | @a-mandala-rose

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5818 Main Tags/Warnings: Established Dean/Cas, Kid Fic Summary: “Cas, babe, I’m ready,” Dean pants, “please..” but the rest of his plea is cut off by a sudden wail from the baby monitor. Jack. “Goddammit!” Dean lets out a noise that is definitely not a whimper as Cas stills his hand. “It would be wrong to dose them all with Benadryl, right?” “Dean.” “Just checking.” Dean loves his and Cas' three children with his whole heart, but he desperately needs some alone time with his husband. OR The world's most relatable fanfic ever. (If you've ever had small children, that is.)

Long Exposure | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7581 Main Tags/Warnings: Model Dean Winchester, Photographer Charlie, Dom/sub Undertones, Dom Castiel, Sub Dean, Model Castiel, Top Castiel, Bottom Dean, Photography, Photographer Castiel, Nude Modeling, Exhibitionism Summary: Nude model wanted for erotic photoshoot. All photographs will only be submitted for assessment at approval of model. Males and females welcome – must be willing to take directions. All photography will be undertaken in a safe studio, and at the pace and comfort of the model. Payment of $100 for two hours of work. Tear off a number if interested.

Ignorance Is Bliss (Usually) | @pray4jensen

Rating: Mature Word Count: 8185 Main Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humour, Domestic Summary: Dean and Cas have a very public deathbed confession and officially become an item. And this would totally be thrilling—except Sam gets knocked out during the fight and misses the whole damn thing. Or the one where everybody except Sam knows and Sam thinks Dean’s sudden newfound celibacy is a witch’s curse.

Try A Little Stardust | @cuddlemonsterdean

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 8594 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff and Angst, Hurt!Dean, Disabled!Dean, Happy Ending Summary: They soak for long enough that Dean actually falls into a light doze. It’s nice to just enjoy the water and the quiet for a while. It’s only been a handful of days, but Castiel has missed holding Dean like this and being close to him. His warmth and the beat of his heart are grounding, anchoring, and to Castiel it will always be special to know him this intimately.

A Different Kind of Filling | @gracefuldean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 9239 Main Tags/Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Established Relationship, Vampire Hunt, Diners, Porn with Plot, Porn with Feelings, Dom/Sub Undertones, Possessive Castiel, Food Play Summary: After taking care of a vampire nest near Bicknell, Utah, Dean and Castiel stop for a quick bite at one of the town’s diners, known for its (in)famous pickle pie. The unusual dessert is just the beginning of an afternoon Dean won’t ever forget, in which weird fillings and not so new feelings will make him realize that he truly has got it all.

After you and me, there is us | @castielscarma

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 13091 Main Tags/Warnings: Divorced Cas/Dean, past relationship, grief/mourning, child loss, getting back together Summary: Dean is forced to deal with his feelings and emotions about everything after meeting his ex-husband while having lunch.

Circles of Gold | @pomegranatedaffodil

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 17312 Main Tags/Warnings: Fantasy AU, Royalty AU, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers Summary: Seven years ago, Dean and Castiel chose each other over their families, their kingdoms, and their crowns. They have since come to terms with that decision, but the arrival of a messenger from Dean’s kingdom disturbs the peaceful life they’ve built together and forces them to make another choice, one that could have equally lasting consequences.

Fight or Flight | @ellis-park

Rating: Mature Word Count: 23186 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon universe, canon-typical violence, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort Summary: Just when Dean's started to feel good about his life — the end is not nigh, and his brother and his angel are safe in the bunker — Sam and Cas start keeping secrets from him. It's not a big deal, at least not at first. Everyone needs to play some things close to the chest. But when Dean finds out what they've been hiding, the bubble of carefree happiness he's carefully placed around his family finally bursts.

A Treason of Truths | @cr-noble-writes

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 28035 Main Tags/Warnings: fantasy au, faerie!cas, demon!dean, moc!dean, minor character deaths, major character injury, angst with a happy-ish ending, smut, bondage, orgasm denial, dom/sub dynamics, top!cas, bottom!dean Summary: When the time comes for The Seelie Court to confront the Dark Realm about their attempted conquests of surrounding kingdoms, Castiel asks that Dean accompany him on a diplomatic trip to The Royal City in the center of the Dark Realm. Dean is unable to refuse his lover, especially because he knows the danger the King will be in. But Dean has a dangerous secret that could cost him both his love and his life. Will their relationship survive the discovery of a sinister plot for the Fomóraigh to take over the Otherworld?

[goldenncherrybombb]

Watermelon Sugar

 hello, I haven’t spelled or grammar check so I’m sorry if there is an error. But there shouldn’t be! Anyways, enjoy :)

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

Warning: mature content :p

Word count: 3,319

They were currently at Jeff’s house. Jeff thought it would be a good idea to throw a party since it had now officially been a month since tour ended.

But now the party is over and they are all in Jeff’s living room, watching a tour documentary Harry’s team made for him to reminisce on. Who knows, maybe someday he will let the world see? The crew, and band are here. Adam is on the couch next to Charlotte, discussing of the beer he is sipping on is better than the wine Clare nurses. Mitch is next to Sarah, his arm around her as she laughs at something Jeff and him are talking about. And Harry, well Harry has his arms wrapped around his girl who is asleep, her head on his shoulder. It’s around one am. Harry’s getting tired as well, about to head home.

He clears his throat to gain everyone’s attention.

“I’m gonna head out, I got a bit of a drive and this one is knocked out.” They all nod understandingly and say there goodbyes. Harry carries y/n bridal style out the door and to his car. He gets in and turns on the heat, knowing she gets cold when she sleeps. On the drive home he has his hand on her thigh, reminiscing his favorite past events of his missus.

***

She looked so good sitting on the kitchen counter early in the morning. Harry was cooking for them, making pancakes. When he does a cool trick she claps for him happily, a strawberry in her mouth. She wore only a white shirt. Her black glasses were on her face because she hated not being able to see Harry clearly in the morning. He would lean over and give her a few pecks on the lips. Y/n’s music played in the background at a good level to where it’s loud enough but quiet enough. Then when the pancakes were done she insisted she fed him. So there he stood with his hands on both sides of her thighs, his mouth open as she fed him a bite of the delicious pancakes he made. He hums in delight and she giggles.

“‘S good, yeah?” She nods her head and feds herself a bite, licking her lips to get the maple syrup off of them. He stares up at her with lust in his eyes, her not being clueless and noticing. She leans downs and wraps her arms around his neck, her face going close to his, so close that there lips brush, but not close enough to where the touch all the way. She turns her head and lets her nose nudge his. Harry already getting turned on from the simple action simply because it was here teasing him, leaving him on edge of what she is gonna do next. Finally she presses her lips to his, his hands going to her bum and pulling her closer to the edge of the counter.

“‘S this okay?” He questions breathlessly. She nods hastily. There lips go back together like magnets again. He begins to kiss her neck, sucking on some spots to leave marks. She bites back a moan. Her lips bruised and sore already from how rough there kiss is. He finds her sweet spot and she lets the first moan slip making him groan. Her hands in his hair, pulling lightly.

“Taste so sweet pet.” He whispers when his lips find hers again.

“Take me to bed, h.” She whispers breathlessly. He immediately picks her up from the counter, her legs going around his waist as she squeals lightly making her giggle and Harry smile at her brightly. Harry goes to his bedroom and lays her down on his bed lightly. Her hair is fanned out like a halo, the lightning making her skin glow. Harry stares at her and looks her up and down a few times making y/n squirm under his gaze.

“So, so, so beautiful.” He mumbles against her skin as he pulls her shirt down to access her cleveage are. Her fingers pull at the hem of her shirt, him helping her by taking it off for her. Her lace baby blue bra comes into view and Harry immediately attaches his lips to the new unmarked area. The sensations his giving her are like no other. He kisses down her stomach, making sure to ask her if it’s ok and to tell her how beautiful she is. He pulls down her shorts and underwear slowly, kissing from the middle of her thigh to her ankle before making his way back up. He kisses her hip bone before leading down to where she most desired him. She moans loudly, all the anticipation making her more than ready. Her hand finds his hair, pulling gently as he moves his tougne expertly, going over all the right places. His index finger teases her entrance before he enters it. She moans his name and arches her back. He finds his way back up to her, his lips attaching to her neck as he goes slow and slowly adds another one. Her hands move to push off his sweatpants but he stops her making her whine.

“I want you, please.” She pouts before moaning loudly when he finds her spot. He kisses her neck more before moving his lips to her ear.

“I know lovie. Your gonna have me. No need to rush.” She looks him in the eyes as he speaks. Her hands go to his face and she smiles.

“God I love you so much.” She laughs quietly before gasping making Harry chuckle. He pulls his fingers out and pulls his sweatpants off. “‘M on the pill by the way.” Y/n says, knowing he is wondering where a condom is. He hums and parts her legs wider.

“Are you sure about this?” He questions again. Fearing she will not want him after this. Or that he will hurt her.

“Yes, I am sure. I love you.” She whispers before kissing his lips softly.

“I love you so much.” He mumbles against her lips before entering her. She gasps at the pressure and arches her back against him. She’s not gonna lie, it did hurt. He is bigger than she imagined, and that is saying something. “Are you ok?” He questions, she bits her lip and nods before replying to him with a breathless yes, telling him to move. He obliges and does so slowly. Y/n’s music plays softly in the background due to his surround sound system he has all the way around his house. Harry begins to speed up pace as moans flow out of her mouth and his. Her ankles are hugging his back as her nails leave scratch marks down it. Her name leaves his lips as he moves his head to the crook of her neck, leaving sloppy kisses there.

The room feels hot. Like the temperature has rose thirty degrees. But they know it hasn’t and it’s just them. Sweat has formed in Harry’s hair line, his hair a little damp. Both of there skins coated with a thin layer of sweat. Y/n skin tingles wherever Harry’s touch lays. She feels like she is on cloud 9 with the way he is whispering such dirty things to her and the feelings he is making her feel.

“Feel s’good. Taking me so well pet.” He grunts in her ear making her moan and clench around him, he has to hold back from cumming then and there. She feels so good and perfect. Harry swears he has never felt more love than what he does now. He feels like nothing else matters. Everything outside the four walls of his room matter. It’s just them.

“‘M close.” Y/n whimpers against his lips, the heel of her foot digging into Harry’s back deeper and her nails clawing just a little Harry, it’s all enough to make Harry moan. With a few more thrusts y/n hits her climax with Harry following. The rest of the night is spent with wondering hands under the sheets. Both of them never able to get enough of each other.

He puts his hand on her thigh, smiling at her with loving eyes before looking back on the road. He begins to think of how far they have come in almost a year. He begins reminiscing on there past, smiling to himself.

***

“Hot! ‘S hot.” Harry playful winces when he touched y/n’s bare shoulder. She scoffs and swats his hand away before looking in the mirror. Her favorite dress she always desired to wear, but never had the confidence to or excuse to wear, was on her body.

“Do you think I look ago? Not to tight? Not to loose? Not-“ she gets cut off by Harry kissing her lips, a cue for her to stop talking and kiss the man she loves. Her eyes flutter closed, her neck turning some since Harry is to the side of her, his arm wrapped around her waist.

“‘S perfect, just like the one who wears it.” He pulls back, whispering in her ear. He kisses her cheek and slaps her butt, she squeals before giggling. “Go get em baby! You got this!” Harry cheers, walking out of the closet. Y/n smiles, Harry not knowing how much that went. She’s freaking out, was just pacing before Harry came in, trying to put in the lucky earrings Harry got her a few years ago. Surprisingly she hasn’t lost them, she looses any pair of earrings she has. But these weren’t just any earrings.

She has a meeting, a very important meeting. She could be getting a record label, it isn’t just any meeting. But she chased her dream and finally caught it.

She thought she had it, but then she wanted to be in the booth, headphones on as she serenaded the room with her words and voice, not only writing.

Harry was not nervous at all, knowing his girl had it. He was confident, relaxed. While y/n was tense, anxious, scared. He came back in the room with a glass of water and her anxiety medicine.

“Here you go, love. This will make you feel better, yeah?” After he set the glass down he grabbed her shoulders lights, leaning down slightly to look her in the eyes. “Cinderella, you got this. I believe in you, everyone does. You are so talented, look how many hits you already got for others. Now it’s your turn.” And that’s all it took to calm her nerves. Well the first word was. Cinderella

***

When y/n and Harry first met and were getting to know each other y/n wanted to have a movie marathon, specifically disney. Harry agreed, obviously, he was already falling for the girl. He would buy her all the stars and bottle them up just for her if she wanted.

The first movie y/n picked was Cinderella. It was her favorite princess movie. She doesn’t exactly know why, but it has a deep connection to her, and it’s made her love it forever. She still wants a dress just like Cinderella’s.

Harry asked if she choose the movie for a specific reason and that led her to going on about how much she loves it, and how my she hopes she gets a happy ending, but he’s not allowed to tell anyone that. And after that Harry gave her what she wanted and tried to have the most romantic “friend date” ever. He had cleaned bought black out curtains, made a hole in the ceiling trying to get the projector in the movie room, and had to run out to buy extension cords, white Christmas lights, and some ice cream, because he knew how much y/n loved ice cream. Even though it was snowing out and he felt a little odd buying ice cream he still walked out of the store with a slight skip in his step. Excited for the nights activities.

He set everything up as soon as he got home. He put the blackout curtains up first, then put the sheets up so it looked like a massive fort in his room. He tackied them to the wall, the gum like stuff sticking to him a few times. He set up the projector so they had a perfect view of the movie. Lastly he plugged in the lights, making sure they could touch fabric and not catch on fire, being throwing delicately putting them on the sheets above so it casted a pink glow under the Pantone pink sheets. It was an accident on how he got so many bedsheets. He was scrolling through amazon while he was a wee bit drunk and kept clicking ‘add to cart’, thinking it wasn’t working. He loved the color, thought they were cute so he ordered them. He was very surprised to open his door a few days later and see a large amazon package, not remembering ordering anything. Then he remembered as he started pulling out 40 sets of bed sheets. It inspired his first album cover actually.

But hey, it came in handy!

“Harry! I’m here you knob!” Y/n’s voice rang through his house and he chuckles, shaking his head. Replying to her before moving to stand in the middle of his sheet tent, waiting for her.

“Alright, I brought some face masks- oh my gosh.” She looks up and stops looking at the label on the masks, trying to read them. “Harry!” She cheers before running into his arms, her legs circling around his waist. She had never done that, too caught up in the moment to realize what she did. But Harry was well aware, and he wanted her to do this to him everyday. “This- this is beautiful. Oh my gosh. Is that the projector from the movie room? Oh my gosh this is beautiful. I can not believe it.” She intertwined her hands together and raises them to her chest as she looks around, her eyes finally landing on Harry’s. Harry’s breath is taking away as he looks at her, she looks like an angel. The way the dull light is making her skin almost glow, her smile as she rests her chin on her intertwined hands.

Once they got settled on the makeshift bed Harry made on the floor out of all of his blankets and comforters he has. Then he put pillows where there backs would be resting. They both were propped up by the pillows as Harry skips the credits. Y/n closing her eyes and smiling before putting her head on Harry’s chest, he smiles down at her and presses play, the movie finally starting. His fingers comb through her hair as Disney’s iconic intro play. It’s not till the first beat of the main title begins to play that her head pops up and her eyes open. She gasps and sits up hurriedly.

“OH MY GOSH! HARRY!” She turns around and throws herself on him with an oof, her arms going around his neck. “Could you be anymore perfect? This is crazy” she whispers silently, almost as though if she raised her voice another decibel it would shatter the invisible bubble they have built. The music from the movie playing quietly in the background, making the moment even more perfect, if possible. Harry’s hands rub and down her back, his head tilting so he could whisper in her ear.

“‘Course pet. ‘D do anything for yeh.” She smiles into his shoulder, a silent tear running down her cheek. No one has done anything like this. No one has put the time and the effort to do anything more magical than this. Y/n thought the first time her song she wrote went number was the most magical, but man was she wrong. She just wished he loved her back.

As they watched the movie y/n had her head on his chest, her arm around his waist as she watches the movie with a smile on her face. Her pointing out her favorite parts to Harry, like he doesn’t already know them. Then the ballroom part came up. Cinderella and Prince Charming just met and are about to dance. All the sudden she stands up, holding out a hand to Harry.

(I recommend play “so this is love” its magical with this part. Promise me;) it’s on Apple Music btw! )

“Dance with me, please. I know every move to this part embarrassingly.” Harry doesn’t fail to notice as she admits a little talent of hers.

“Alright. But you have to help me out.” She smiles shyly at him and nod. The music starts and she starts to move, Harry following, looking down and watching his feet.

Mm-mm-mm

“‘M a bit clumsy, I tend to trip a lot. You remember that, right, pet?” Harry questions, a sly smile on his face. She giggles and nods, relaxing almost completely. She ends up laying her head on his chest as they sway in a small circle to the music. His head lays on top of hers shortly after, both of them humming and harmonizing to the song.

So this is love

“Yes, h, I do remember.” There laughs die down and they go back to paying attention to dancing.

So this is what makes life Devine

I’m all aglow

And now I know

And I know I know

Y/n sings quietly with the music, amazing Harry. He’s only ever heard her sing jokingly, never seriously. And to say he is amazed would be an understatement. There’s salting about how sultry her voice sounds that pulls him in so quickly. How she hits every now. How her voice sounds dreamy, heavenly.

The key to heaven is mine

Harry joins her, making her look up and smile at him as she sings.

My heart has wings

They look straight into each other’s eyes. Singing and swaying through the love filled atmosphere.

Mm-mm-mm

And I can fly

Harry listens as she sings, smiling before joining her again.

I’ll touch every star in the sky

So this is a miracle

That I’ve been dreaming of

Mm-mm-mm

So this is love

The music comes to an end, but they still dance anyways. Her head goes back to his chest. He kisses the top of it as she speaks quietly.

“Yes my Cinderella.” He questions just as quietly as she did. But her head pops up at the new nickname he called her, a confused look on her face before asking him what he said. “Cinderella.” He repeats

“Then that makes you my Prince Charming.” He smiles, and nods his head.

“I’m ok with that.” He says slowly, so slow and quiet she could barley hear him.

***

“Love, we’re home.” He lightly whispers in her ear while unbuckling her seat belt. She groans and sleepily opens her eyes.

“‘M too tired. Carry me price charming?” So that’s what Harry does. He carries her inside, unzips her dress and puts his shirt over her before she gets in bed. He even wipes the little bit of makeup she had on off of her. When he’s done she puckers her lips and he chuckles before kissing her.

“Tastes like strawberries.” Y/n hums. Harry chuckles and kisses her lips quickly before standing so he can undress. “Ugh, I want more watermelon vodkas. Now those, were good.” She flops back in her pillow as she talks, groaning.

“Mm, when I can taste it on ya tongue is when I know y’ve had enough, Cinderella.” She giggles at the nickname and sits up, laying her arms around his neck.

“I love you.” She kisses his lips and lays him back down. His hands roam her body before staying put on her bum as she straddles him.

[itsmyusualphannie]

lead me into the light

Title: lead me into the light (ao3) Beta: @counting2fifteen (also thanks to @sudden-sky and @candanandphilnot for their encouragement) Word Count: 4k Rating: T Warnings: Aliens, horror, open/ambiguous ending

Summary: Dan and Phil are part of a crew of space explorers currently embarking on a dangerous mission to check out a supposedly lifeless planet far away from home.

Author Notes: this was written for the @phandomficfests holiday exchange! i posted it on ao3 a few days ago and now it’s finally revealed! lots of fun to write and happy holidays again @nebulaearecool

Thump. A muffled pat to Phil’s shoulder. “All right, you’re good. Do mine now.”

Phil stood slowly, the heavy material fully encasing his torso and legs weighing him down, and turned to face his partner. Now that the back of his suit was zipped and buttoned in all the different ways it could possibly be zipped and buttoned, he could work on Dan’s. He gestured, the thick gloves on his hand hampering the movement. “Turn around.”

Dan turned, and Phil reached for the long zipper on the back of his suit. The zippers were massive, made to be handled with the bulky gloves, but they were still difficult to manage. He managed, though, and made his way to the next zipper, this one layering over the first. They were designed like this in order to create an airtight seal between the person who wore the suit and whatever environment they might encounter.

“You guys almost ready?” a voice called from the next room - PJ, who was their pilot that had flown the two explorers down to the planet’s surface.

“Five minutes,” said Phil in response, not bothering to raise his voice. This space was so confined that it wouldn’t even be necessary. His fingers brushed over the ‘SSSE - SuperSonic Space Explorers’ logo as he tugged the last zipper shut. It was a mouthful, their twelve-person team name. Phil liked to just call them “the Sonics,” but to his disappointment, none of the others had quite caught a liking to it yet. It was particularly funny, Phil decided, because walking was usually mind-numbingly slow once they got outside of the transporters.

Phil was finished in three more minutes and then all they had were their helmets. Dan picked up his, the dome sleek and shimmering in his hands, but Phil caught him before he put it on. Sneaking a sly glance at the opening that led to the next room, he reached a few fingers to turn Dan’s jaw toward him, and then he swept in to land a quick kiss against the pink hue of Dan’s lips. Dan’s mouth curled into a smile and his dimples appeared, which was exactly what Phil had wanted to happen.

“There,” said Phil, satisfied, and slipped his own helmet over his head. Air hissed around his ears as it settled into place and automatically pressurized his suit. Pale blue light flickered across the glass of his helmet, displaying information from the internal computer. “Now we’re ready.”

They headed toward the tiny cubicle on the side of the room and squeezed inside. A panel slid shut, sealing them inside, and then, in the next room, PJ hit the button that allowed them outside. Another panel on the opposite side of the cubicle slid open and bitter, unfamiliar air rushed in. If they weren’t wearing their suits, this atmosphere would have pulled the air from their lungs.

Dan and Phil stepped outside.

Outside was an alien, otherworldly landscape. It rolled and dipped in unnatural heaves around them, alternating rocks leaping in jagged spires toward the sky and yawning pits plunging far down toward the planet’s core. They were settled on one of the flattest places on the entire planet, but it was still a steep incline.

The panel hissed shut behind Dan and Phil as their wide shoes thumped lightly on the ragged surface. Their ship, behind them now, was a sleek, small thing, barely larger than a school bus. It didn’t need to be much bigger, as it was just a transport. The actual deep-space carrier, a cruise ship-sized, sturdy thing, waited for them just outside the harshest pull of this planet’s gravity.

It was easy to walk here, Phil found, as his feet picked up much easier than it did on their ship’s artificially-induced gravity. The gravity here was a little weaker than Earth’s. Their suits weighed them down though, as well as the magnet-lined soles of their boots. The restrained magnets wanted to cling to the iron-rich surface of the ground, so if Phil ever found himself taking too large of a step, he could simply activate an electrical current and settle his feet back on the ground.

The speaker inside Phil’s helmet crackled with static, but it was just Dan, and not a transmission from PJ.

“Two hundred samples, right?” Dan confirmed. The speaker lagged just a little behind his words, and it would be disconcerting to see Dan’s mouth moving right before his voice came through if Phil wasn’t used to it by now.

“Yeah,” Phil agreed. He patted the side of his suit, where the bulky material held rows and rows and rows of tiny containers tucked in cute pockets. “The planet has already been classified as dead, so we’re just getting environment samples. We should be able to get at least fifty today.”

“They distance-classified it though, didn’t they?”

Phil shrugged automatically, but it was lost beneath his thick suit. “Yeah, but we’ve never had a problem with those before. It’s not hard to calculate if something living can evolve on a planet.”

Dan looked dubious, but he nodded and they continued on, navigating around the upheavals and dips of the surface. The display on their helmets guided them toward a chalky rock spire that was a few hundred metres downhill from the transporter. It wasn’t that far, but the ground was tumultuous, and it took them a good twenty minutes to navigate their way to it.

“Walking back up there is going to suck,” said Dan once they reached the spire, glancing back up the incline to the transporter. It was only halfway visible now, the top protruding sleek and elegant over the uneven terrain between them.

Phil agreed but, “At least we don’t have to go back up for a few hours.”

Dan was wearing a full-body spacesuit, but his disgruntled posture was clear anyway. “It’s been a hundred years since interstellar travel became possible and they still haven’t invented teleporters. We shouldn’t have to walk anywhere.”

“It’s good for us,” said Phil. “We need exercise.”

Offended, Dan argued, “We have a gym in the carrier.”

“Which you never use,” Phil pointed out.

Their radios both crackled. “Guys,” PJ called over the connection, his voice patchy and riddled with static. “Your lines are open. I can hear you.”

They simultaneously disconnected their connection from the radio back at the transporter. Every one of the other nine members of their team was aware, on some level, that Dan and Phil were together, but that didn’t mean that either of them wanted their conversations overheard.

“We’re all alone now,” said Dan and winked at Phil.

In response, Phil poked out his tongue in a mature fashion, and then they turned toward the rock spire and began collecting samples.

The process wasn’t difficult, it was just time-consuming. For only one sample, Phil had to go through numerous steps and not make a mistake on any of them. This was what his six-year stint in university and then the training academy had taught him. Well, that, and a few functions for their transporter. He had to know how to fly the transporter back to their deep-space carrier, just in case something happened to the pilot.

He would select a particular area of the rock and hold his scanner over it for a few minutes. Once the scanner confirmed the basic element of the rock, he would scoop out the small sample and log its information, then deposit it into one of his many sample containers. If any of the items he scanned were too similar to another log he had taken, he had to move on. Dan’s scanner synced with his as well, so there weren’t any accidental double-logs of the same sample.

This rock spire was chalky on the surface, but Phil only had to scoop out one sample to find that there was a different material underneath, a thicker, more porous rock. This spire would likely provide between three to five samples, so they would spend at least an hour here.

They took their time collecting the rock samples. It wouldn’t do to mislabel anything and have to come back later to try to find the same material again. They found six total samples at this rock spire, with Dan documenting four of the surface layers and Phil digging deeper to get a more porous rock, which took considerably longer.

Once they had scanned most of the spire and couldn’t find any results that differed from what they had already found, they moved further down the incline to another, more steeply-angled spire. Phil collected samples from the base while Dan heaved himself up onto a ledge to reach up higher. They weren’t going to be able to get up further than that today, but they would bring the heliprobes tomorrow. The tiny probes, assisted by artificial intelligence, could fly up to the highest reaches and retrieve samples, but it still required documentation by one of the explorers.

“There isn’t much up here,” Dan called down to Phil, whose head was ducked barely millimetres from a strangely striped rock formation. “It’s mostly material we’ve already sampled. I think a lot of the surface material is the same.”

Phil frowned at the striated rock in front of his nose. “I think you’re right.” He scanned the rock anyway and took a sample. Dan was finished with his ledge by the time Phil had completed the labelling process, so he climbed down next to Phil.

They both spared a glance back up the incline, but the transporter was out of sight at this point. There were too many hills between them.

“Well,” said Phil, “I guess we need to keep going down. Let me tell PJ first, though.” He tapped the screen on the back of his right hand, the thick material of his gloves barely making a sound against it, and the line to their pilot opened instantly. “Hey, PJ,” he greeted. “We have about ten samples so far, but we need to go down further. There’s not a lot of variety right here.”

PJ’s voice was fuzzy when it came through. “You’re...down? How many...found?”

Phil tapped the screen, his eyebrows furrowing. He exchanged a glance with Dan, who shrugged helplessly.

“The aluminium elements in the rocks here are probably dampening the radio waves,” Dan offered.

“I guess,” said Phil, but he couldn’t help the purse of his lips. “There must be more than we calculated, then.” He spoke again to PJ, a little slower this time. “We’re going further down. Three hours max.”

“Cheers!” said PJ, the static surrounding his voice clearing a little. “See you...a bit!”

Phil closed the connection and then they continued down the steep hill. It went down for a good while, sloping gently somewhere a mile down and then sloping harshly upwards again. The distance was pitted with jagged dips and spears of rock.

This entire planet was something harsh and wrecked, sharp in every way it could be. It was a good distance from its star, enough so that the temperature wasn’t unbearable, but it was still considerably warmer than any human could survive. Their suits regulated the temperature, as well as supplying them with the proper amount of air, since the atmosphere wasn’t breathable either. Nothing about the planet was hospitable toward life.

They stopped once they’d manoeuvred further down for about thirty minutes. The muscles in Phil’s thighs were aching by the time they reached their temporary destination. He didn’t look forward to climbing back up to the summit.

The new place where they chose to collect samples was a shallow depression in the ground. It was only shallow compared to the other pits in the area, though: it was well over ten metres deep and a few dozen metres wide. It had ridges of rock lining the edge, so it wasn’t too difficult to climb down into. The bottom of the depression was dark and dangerous-looking, but Phil had a light installed into his helmet and wasn’t too worried. He found hand- and footholds on the side of the pit and hoisted himself over the edge, making his way down painstakingly slowly. Dan followed, a little to Phil’s left. The silver dome of his helmet glinted dully with the light from the planet’s star for a few moments, and then slowly vanished as they descended.

Phil turned on his helmet’s light before he reached the bottom. The rocks he gripped were sturdy, but the light was dim down here, and he didn’t want to misstep even if his suit was thickly padded and an uneven landing likely wouldn’t hurt him. The beams of light from his helmet glanced over the dark rocks as Phil hopped the last half metre to the ground and surveyed the area. It was jagged with rocks, just like the surface, but considerably smoother. The rocks’ appearance was different too, which was what Phil had been hoping to find.

Dan landed with a solid thump beside Phil and grinned over at him, the internal light from his helmet lighting up his face in an eerie glow. “Exercise,” he said. “Are you happy?”

“No,” said Phil, but he was grinning back. The lag through their communicators was funnier than anything else to Phil - it was like watching a movie with the audio a few seconds behind. He might be used to it by now, but that didn’t make it less hilarious. Their radios were the newest model and they were two metres away from each other, but somehow scientists couldn’t figure out how to make it work without a lag.

“My legs are going to be noodles by the time we’re done,” Dan mourned, already turning toward the wall of the pit. His own light flashed briefly through the thick darkness around them, the natural light far above them.

Phil went in the opposite direction Dan decided to go, but they still stayed close. The opposite end of the hole wasn’t far, and yet Phil’s light beam didn’t quite pierce the darkness that far. He didn’t like that.

“I’ll get this side,” said Dan, and even only a few metres from Phil, there was a slight crackle from the transmission. Phil frowned at the scratching and made himself a mental note to get their radios checked out once they made it back to the carrier.

Phil began collecting a sample from the nearest rock face of the wall that he had climbed down. He held the scanner over it, moving not an inch as it slowly, slowly scanned. After the few minutes passed, the scanner lit up with verification that it was a different element from the rocks on the surface. Satisfied, Phil performed the necessary steps to retrieve a sample. He could see Dan doing the same on the rock wall. They continued the repetitive tasks, moving slowly away from each other as they filled the tiny sample containers.

The samples weren’t heavy but as they added up, Phil could begin to feel their weight. He was glad they didn’t have to wear their oxygen tanks on this planet, at least. That would have added a solid hundred pounds to an already heavy suit. Since this planet’s atmosphere was within eighty percent of Earth’s, their suits’ filtration systems could pull enough oxygen from the air for them to breathe, for now, anyway.

Phil was on his fourth sample when he reached a sheer portion of the wall that looked impenetrable, but when he held the scanner over it, he could see the minute cracks in the surface. It tempted him with its unnatural formation, so he ignored the procedure for a moment and lightly brushed a gloved finger over it. Pieces of the rock crumbled beneath his touch.

“Huh,” said Phil aloud. He glanced around for his partner. “Hey, Dan, do you - ” And he stopped, because Dan wasn’t collecting samples. He was on the far side of the pit - how had he gotten over there so quickly? - and he was crouched down close to the wall, veiled in shadows. Phil only saw him because the light on Phil’s helmet glanced off the metal on Dan’s suit zippers.

Phil’s words finally made it to Dan, since Phil could see him straighten and then turn toward Phil. There was silence for a moment, Dan’s face still shrouded by the oppressive darkness of the pit, and then his voice came through the scratchy speakers.

“I heard something.”

Phil took an instinctive step back. “You what?” He must have misheard Dan.

Another pause as his words made their way to Dan and then Dan’s reply made its way back to Phil. “I heard something,” repeated Dan. “Like something moving.”

A whisper of fear shivered up Phil’s spine. This planet wasn’t prone to shifting, as far as he had read in the reports, but the reports didn’t know everything. If the ground was going to shudder around them in an earthquake, then they needed to be far away from here.

“Are you sure?” he asked, still unmoving. The sleek wall beside him breathed a few puffs of dust as his glove brushed against it again. His scanner was held slack in his other hand.

Dan started moving toward him. It was barely noticeable, since he was still mostly cast in shadow, but Phil could see his helmet bobbing up and down as he walked. It would look horrifically ominous if Phil didn’t know that it was Dan.

A terrible shriek of static came through the internal speakers of Phil’s suit, and he winced at the noise. It stopped just as Dan really came into the view of Phil’s spotlight, his face fading from obscurity into the clearly defined slopes of his furrowed brows and his moving lips. His - moving lips? Phil squinted to see what he was saying since the transmission still hadn’t come through his speakers.

“Won?” he offered, confused. “Hun?”

There was another burst of static, and then Dan’s voice came through as clearly as if he had been standing right next to Phil. The shadows behind him, thick in the murk, began moving.

“Run!”

Phil ran.

The suit weighed him down, but his legs were long and he covered ground swiftly. The area of the wall that he had climbed down wasn’t that far, anyway, just a dozen metres to his left. He hesitated for a moment before he put his hands to the rock. Dan wasn’t far behind him, but something was moving in the dark behind Dan. It was fast, and it was getting closer. Phil climbed.

He couldn’t hear anything through the radio between him and Dan, and he didn’t know if that was better or worse. His mind spun as he climbed, darting between Dan, their pilot still out of range of their transmitter, the carrier just outside the gravity pull of this planet, and then to whatever the thing was behind and below him.

His fingers scrabbled for purchase in his rush, and he almost slipped more than once, but his panicked mind was just clear enough to keep him steady. He looked down more than once, heart rising with relief when he saw Dan just below him, climbing at a steady pace. He didn’t let himself look past Dan’s set expression to the mass of writhing shadows that was beneath both of them.

The top was five metres away, then two, then one, and then Phil was pulling himself up over the edge. His shoes thudded solidly on the ground, but instead of immediately beginning to run up the incline back to the transporter, Phil turned to reach down and help Dan up the remaining distance.

His shadow fell over Dan, still climbing, as he crouched down and stretched out a hand for Dan to grab as soon as he was within reach. He looked into Dan’s eyes, the usual warm brown eyes swimming in terror, and he felt something take a hold of his gut and wrench in matching dread.

Then, fear pulled his gaze past Dan’s set expression and he saw what was following them. His brain rejected it immediately. It was nothing like anything he had ever seen before, on any planet. His first disbelieving thought was that the classification for this so-called dead planet had clearly been wrong. Maybe this wasn’t life as scientists considered it, but it was something that could move, and was wreathed in shadows, and it had teeth.

And it was reaching for Dan.

Dan snagged Phil’s outstretched hand just as a tendril of something dark and wirey slipped around Dan’s ankle. Dan shuddered in horror, his other hand grasping uselessly at the ledge where Phil was kneeling.

Phil solidly grasped Dan’s gloved arm with both hands and threw himself backwards with all his might. There was a strain, a moment of uncertainty, and then Dan scrambled up over the ledge, clutching to Phil in desperation. This time, Phil could clearly see what he was mouthing, although their communicators had evidently decided to give up the ghost on them.

Run, run, run, run.

So they both ran. Their boots thudded against the ground, suits slowing them as they sprinted up the incline that they had trekked down only twenty minutes before.

It took them less than ten minutes to make it back up the hill. Phil didn’t look back once. Dan did, and every time his gaze fell upon whatever had made it out of that pit with them, he picked up the pace just a little. Their communicators didn’t work the entire way back. Something had broken deep inside the devices, nothing that could be fixed on this planet, the transporter, or even out in the carrier. By some miracle, neither of them fell the entire way up.

The door to the transporter was already sliding open as Dan and Phil rounded the last rock spire. PJ must have seen them on the low-range radar, then.

They stumbled through the door to the tiny compartment right inside, and Phil immediately hit the emergency button that slammed shut the outermost door. He heaved in deep breaths, the filtration system working overdrive in his suit as it acclimated to the new pressure inside the transporter. He could see Dan doing the same beside him, bending over as he grasped his knees and coughed. The small room was usually comforting in its confined space, but now it felt suffocating. It still hadn’t opened to the main compartment, where Dan and Phil had spent their time getting suited up earlier.

The speaker above their heads crackled before a voice came over. “Guys,” said PJ. A long moment passed and he didn’t continue. His breath sounded wet over the speaker.

Dan straightened, still panting, and his and Phil’s gazes locked. Neither of them blinked as they waited for PJ to continue.

Something outside thumped against the transporter. The walls shuddered with the movement, but the door didn’t move. Phil’s heart hadn’t slowed from their race up the hill, but now it thudded even more dangerously against his breastbone. They weren’t moving, but the thing outside was.

“Guys,” said their pilot again. They could hear a cough. “Hey, guys. Sorry.”

Phil barely dared to let out a sound, but he darted his tongue to lick his dry lips before asking, “Sorry?” PJ probably couldn’t hear him anyway.

Another heavy breath sounded through the speakers. A thud came from the main compartment of the transporter, just two metres to Dan’s left. There was no air in Phil’s lungs.

One last sentence from PJ.

“Something got in.”

[wheatbeats]

2018 is over and I feel compelled to write a retrospective of sorts, but since I don’t feel like talking about myself I’m gonna talk about Every Anime (Series) I Watched in 2018. Each one comes with a numerical rating out of 10 and a short blurb of what I thought about it.

Recovery of an MMO Junkie - 9/10 - Incredibly sweet and heartfelt, with mature adult characters who act as such. Drama and comedy both are mined from real issues rather than petty miscommunication, and is all the more compelling for it.

Land of the Lustrous - 10/10 - A delightfully unique setting with an enrapturing story and fantastically constructed characters. The moments of levity and sweetness only serve to make the deeply engrained sadness and loneliness more poignant. The CGI animation is shockingly gorgeous, and a triumph of the medium.

Kino’s Journey: The Beautiful World (2018) - 5/10 - Certainly entertaining in spots, but ultimately rings rather hollow. Not really an improvement on the original in any respect.

Princess Principal - 8/10 - An absolutely gorgeous setting brimming with atmosphere and style, and a fun ensemble cast. The series-wide arc is a little hard to follow or understand, but each individual episodic plot is really enjoyable and engaging.

The Vision of Escaflowne - 8/10 - A well-built fantasy that’s occasionally ridiculous but never not fun. The new dub is really slick and helps the series go down nice and smooth.

A Place Further Than the Universe - 10/10 - Extraordinarily sweet, earnest and heartfelt. Deftly written, smartly directed, and masterfully executed. I cried really hard, a lot. 

Tsuredure Children - 8/10 - Cute, ridiculous, and eminently relatable. If you’ve ever had a crush, you’re bound to identify with at least one character in this series.

From the New World - 5/10 - Had a glimmer of potential, but mostly ended up fake deep, poorly paced, and fucking ugly to look at. The more I thought about this series the less I realized I enjoyed it.

The Ancient Magus’ Bride - 5/10 - An extraordinarily promising start that’s disappointingly squandered by wildly inconsistent tone, static plots, nonsensical character arcs, excessive cliffhangers, and hollow stakes.

Princess Tutu - 10/10 - An expertly built deconstruction of fairy tales as well as a sweeping, gorgeous love note to ballet, classical music, and romantic storybook heroism. Wonderfully intricate plotting and stunning character work, a true gem.

Kaiba - 8/10 - Brilliantly unique and emotionally engrossing, if not a bit obscure and hard to follow at times. You never have, and probably never will again, see an anime quite like this.

Girls’ Last Tour - 7/10 - Deeply atmospheric and sometimes quite poignant, but also dreadfully, awfully, agonizingly slow.

Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto - 9/10 - A smooth and even mix between laughable absurdity and actual real emotional stakes. Somehow, I feel like I learned something about myself.

Megalobox - 8/10 - Briskly paced and action-packed, but by far the biggest draw is a classic 90s aesthetic reminiscent of pre-digital legends like Cowboy Bebop. This series lives and breathes style.

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Die Neue These - 6/10 - Would have the potential to be interesting if it wasn’t so hollow and boring. I wanted to get more engaged in the politics of this complicated war, but the plot is held at arms length and the characters are more like walking philosophy textbooks than actual people. That said, the ship designs are pretty cool.

Hinamatsuri - 10/10 - Sweet, pure-hearted, and gut-bustingly funny. Any moment I wasn’t laughing until my sides hurt, I was near to tearing up from actually caring about these characters so much. Each episode was a joy and I loved every second of it.

Golden Kamuy (S1) - 7/10 - Absurd, charming, and goofy, with a surprising amount of gore. Seems to care more about food than plot, but I’m kind of into it.

Revolutionary Girl Utena - 9/10 - Brilliantly dense, symbolic, and metaphorical. Sometimes hard to understand, sometimes hard to watch, but always excellent.

Dragon Pilot: Hisone & Masotan - 7/10 - Gorgeously animated and undeniably charming, but still a little awkward, garbled, and uncomfortable at times. The most earnest vore anime I’ve ever watched.

Steins;Gate 0 - 4/10 - A total, utter, crushing disappointment. Follows up a spectacular prequel with a nonsensical, contrived plot, inaccurate characters, and piss-poor visuals. This series is only carried by its relationship to the original. I will never trust again.

Princess Jellyfish - 7/10 - Charming, varied characters populating an unfulfilling narrative.

The Big O - 6/10 - Plenty of goofy, stylish fun, but slowly devolves into an inscrutable, incomprehensible mess. R. Dorothy Wayneright is the best part of this series by far. Roger Smith is a louse.

Aggretsuko - 7/10 - Fun and relatable, if a bit simple. 

TOP 3

3. Hinamatsuri - This series came totally out of left field for me. I usually don’t emotionally respond to comedies very well but this one somehow hit all the right buttons. None of the humor was mean-spirited or put anyone down, the situations were absurd but didn’t cripple me with secondhand embarrassment, and on top of it all I really started to care about the cast. I wish I could get surprised like this more often.

2. Land of the Lustrous - As you can tell if you’ve been following me at all recently, this series has been absolutely consuming me from the moment I watched it. The plot is gripping and excellently paced, and I don’t know if I’ve ever been invested in another main character quite as much as Phos. It’s plenty easy to get wrapped up in thinking about the plot and the character arcs and the meta, but then when I go back and watch the series again I’m shocked by how good it is on a technical level, too. The CG animation is beyond gorgeous and the technical grace of each scene, the pacing, the colors, the music, the character animation, the voice acting, are all stellar. If this anime had more of an ending it would absolutely be my number 1 pick, but for now I just have to read the manga (AS SHOULD YOU, YOU COWARDS. IT’S EVERY BIT AS GOOD AS THE ANIME).

1. Princess Tutu - I, like many people, I think, reacted with derision at the title of this series, but by the time I was done I was completely blown away, and every time I thought about it more I was even more shocked. Every inch of this series shows some of the smartest construction I’ve ever seen in fiction, every layer is filled with stylistic flourish, brilliant writing, and metatextual commentary. You can dig as deep as you want and Princess Tutu will always have something to offer you. It’s been less than a year, I’ve already watched it twice, and I’m still discovering new things about it. A story this brilliant would be a once in a lifetime experience on its own, but Tutu is fulfilling on the surface level, too. Even if you’re not diving deep into what the series means you can still be just as enraptured by the characters. Fakir probably has the best redemption arc this side of Prince Zuko, and I could sing the praises of every other major cast member. And the music, the music! I was doomed from the start the moment I heard both The Nutcracker and Pictures at an Exhibition in the score. Princess Tutu takes some of the greatest masterpieces of western art music and builds off them, creating a sense of atmosphere as deep and vast and dramatic as the finest opera or ballet could ever be. Princess Tutu is one of the greatest works of fiction I’ve ever consumed, and absolutely the best I’ve watched this year.

BOTTOM THREE

3. From the New World - Immediately after I stopped watching this series I actually sort of thought I’d liked it, and I think the reason for this is because From the New World tries its very best to engage in ideas a bit deeper and more ambiguous than a lot of other anime do. But the more I thought about it, the more I disliked this series. Everything about the plot was confusing and off-putting, I didn’t find the characters particularly charming, and perhaps most of all, this series is butt-ugly. It might have a high score of MAL. but my advice is to give this series a hard pass.

2. The Ancient Magus’ Bride - I wanted to like this series so fucking bad. I fell in love with the prequel OVA and waited anxiously for each new installment to come out. I even bought tickets to my local Artsy Fartsy Theater to see the first three episodes when the screened there. And I liked them! Finally, an anime engaged in Celtic and English mythology, some of my favorites, and a protagonist with a truly gripping internal struggle. I was certain from the very first moment that this series would sit in my Top 10 list, and that Chise would be one of my favorite protagonists ever. And then it... didn’t happen. As the episodes unfolded I was treated to a series that had no idea how to establish or maintain stakes, how to relate its two main characters to each other, or how to use the wealth of mythology it was referencing and drawing from. How am I supposed to care when Chise gets stabbed in the chest every 2 episodes and then just kind of shrugs it off for the sake of drama? How am I supposed to be interested in the mythology when it’s all just watered-down fantasy archetypes with giant boobs? Don’t even get me started on the main villain. I feel very betrayed by this series and honestly I’m still bitter.

1. Steins;Gate 0 - This series is as much a lesson in betrayal as Ancient Magus’ Bride, but I think this one stings worse because it’s preceded by Steins;Gate, and anime I love dearly. I sincerely believe that the original Steins;Gate is one of the best anime ever produced, and this sequel struggles to live up to even a single aspect of it. As it began I was hopeful- I liked the darker tone, I liked the idea of a story within a failed timeline. But as I kept watching, I realized something awful: I was bored. All of the charm and intrigue was gone. The characters were all acting different, all looked different (why are all the girls wearing skintight winter coats? Why have their chests all inflated three sizes??), and there was no impetus for the plot. Steins;Gate was driven by simple goals; in the first half, it was to build a time-leap machine. In the second half, it was to save Mayuri. In Steins;Gate 0 the impetus is to... watch Okabe be sad. Hope he gets less sad. There’s nothing to keep the plot moving, and this listlessness was so overwhelming that the random bits of unforeshadowed action and unprecedented (for this franchise) violence felt cheap and confusing after the doldrums we just sat through. By the time the plot finally, finally, picks up towards the final quarter of the series, the damage is done. I don’t care anymore, I can’t figure out what’s going on, and I’m just so done with a franchise I used to love. One day I’ll go back and rewatch the original Steins;Gate and remind myself why I cared so much, but for now I’m nursing wounds. If you say the name “Kagari” in my presence, I’ll probably blitz the fuck out.

Here’s to a good 2019!

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

120: The Staying (8x14)

Y’all this was the episode that had me most excited to return to these revelings and I know y’all know why lol. 😋 So this is legit me walking into these 8x14 posts rn...

There’s a very special scene to celebrate and break down in this episode and I can’t wait, but before that, there’s definitely some notable moments beforehand to talk about too.

And this first one is the really beautiful scene we get with Rick and Michonne and the letters. 🙌🏾

And y’all my extra self of course wrote a dissertation on this one scene cuz there’s so much to analyze. 🙈😂 This moment between them is that meaningful and layered, so you know we gotta break it all the way down. 

So the scene starts with Michonne getting emotional as she stands alone in the room and reads Carl’s letter. And y’all, it breaks my whole heart. 😭 

But there is something heartwarming about it too cuz Michonne so clearly wants to honor Carl’s memory and hold on to the last little piece of her best friend she has left through this letter.

As sad as it makes her, she continues to turn to his words and connect to Carl in this way, which I’m glad cuz the last thing they should do is suppress Carl and his memory.

Also this moment made me even more annoyed with Enid because her trifling self was all up in Michonne’s face about Carl dying, and at that time Michonne had to be composed and cordial even tho you know it hurt to hear that. And so here in 8x14 we see that in the quiet of her room she’s now able to let all the pain of the loss fully hit her.

And it’s a big deal that she’s letting herself grieve and let out this emotion cuz there was a time when the old Michonne would have likely suppressed and shut down after a loss like this.

But luckily her best friend knew just what to say to keep that from happening, cuz Carl deliberately advised her to not carry this part. So I really feel like she’s been able to find this balance since losing him, of addressing the loss without carrying the loss in an unhealthy way. 👌🏽

So then Rick walks in and sees Michonne. They make eye contact but he looks away cuz again at this point he’s shielding himself from anything that could heal him.

Rick sees her holding the letter and you can see the anxiety he feels cuz this is something he’s been running from and he’s clearly dreading having to face his own letter.

Michonne doesn’t say anything and I feel like to see her in this vulnerable spot is a wake up call for Rick to see just how much she’s hurting since she lost Carl too. He knew they were both in pain but I think to visibly see her emotional like this, whereas most every other time post-Carl the focus has been on her reaching out for him and letting him be the emotional one, helps Rick to understand just how much she’s in need of comforting too. 

And I think Rick knows that even in this time of grief for him, the responsibility he still has is to be there for Michonne because she’s been by his side every step of the way in all of this.

So as much as Rick might feel the temptation to just run from this, what I love is that we get to see him decide that Michonne is more worth it than his own fears.

Despite the pain and suppression he feels, he still musters the strength to comfort her and acknowledge her pain. And he does this through going to her and doing the immensely intimate act of gently wiping her tears. Cuz soul mates. 😊🙌🏾

Y’all this is legit too beautiful. 😭 I love that this really highlights how close they’ve become to do something so personal like this. 

Like this just feel so natural for both of them and it really is evident that there’s something out of this world that connects them, cuz finally having this form of contact seems to just give both of them a real sense of relief and comfort. Being together like this is the way they’re meant to be.

Rick might not have the words yet to really speak with her but that’s not going to stop him from trying to offer comfort through his actions.👌🏽 And seeing him finally be at a point of acknowledging her pain and consoling her had me like...

It’s so nice to see Rick finally look at her fully and you can just feel the deep love he has for her as he looks at her. She truly is something special to him, y’all. ☺️

It’s also significant that his act of comfort is wiping away the tears cuz I think it symbolizes both his care and also his desire to just wipe away the pain for both of them if only it were that simple. R&M are both people who always want to be useful so he wants so badly to take this pain away for her.

This act is even more precious when I think about the fact that this is Rick Grimes, who to most people is the baddest of the bunch and nothing to play with, but with Michonne he’s so loving and tender.

And he has shown throughout the seasons that Michonne being happy is a priority to him, so you know it breaks him to see her like this.

This moment really solidifies how they love each other more than their own feelings and he’s pushing past what he feels in order to be there for her cuz he not only sees her hurting but he feels it too cuz they’re so interconnected.  

So as they look into each other’s eyes and have this long awaited moment of connecting it’s really sweet that Michonne asks Rick if he wants to read the letter Carl gave her.

It’s deep cuz it shows that in this relationship what’s hers is his and what’s his is hers, so of course she’s open to share. And allowing Rick to read the letter Carl wrote to her would give Rick one more piece of Carl to take in. Cuz once they read those letters it’ll be the last new thing they have from him. 😢

I love that she poses it as a question because she’s giving him the choice. And I also appreciate that she offers cuz she knows that he could find comfort in it even if he doesn’t see it like that just yet.

(Side note: I hope this show knows it’s important we eventually hear what was in Michonne’s letter. I so badly want to know what he would’ve wrote her cuz I bet it’d be precious. And I also am really hoping there could be some mention of how she became his mom. That’s part of why I was fine with the best friends thing cuz I was like the mom mention better be in the letter. So when it comes to showing us her letter, TWD...

But like I said, these letters weigh heavy on Rick so this triggers him to push away again. The fear of the letters initially is trumping his need to be with her and this stands out cuz usually nothing trumps his need to be with her. 

What’s cool is that even though he’s not ready to face the letters yet and he’s essentially saying no, he’s still holding her hand and connected with her. So it’s not a rejection of her or even her offer, it’s more so him being real that he feels he can’t read these letters yet.

I love that there’s almost this dance done as he slowly backs away and she moves closer to him. It legit feels magnetic. 💯

So Rick starts to physically pull away and he goes over to the closet. And that’s how you know this isn’t a healthy Rick cuz for a moment his fear overpowered her presence and led him to pull away, which never happens with a healthy Rick who would have easily stayed in that moment with her for a long time.

When Rick walks to the closet you can see him having a moment of feeling off and dazed and I really think part of this is because he knows he shouldn’t be pushing away from her. He knows walking away from her doesn’t feel right cuz y’all that’s not how magnets are designed. But again, the unstable Rick is drowning out his true self.  

(Side note: I love knowing that the two of them picked a room to make their own together at Hilltop. ☺️)

Rick grabs the murder coat and that coat is a clear indicator that whatever Rick’s about to do is not going to be some kumbaya activity. 😂

Michonne turns and sees him and she immediately knows that he’s going out there (probably to do something wildin), and Rick gives his explanation about how they need food so he’s going to get some. He tries to say it casually but he can’t completely look at her here cuz he knows he’s not being honest with the one person he’s meant to be honest with.

It’s deep that throughout this moment Michonne is able to stay looking at Rick, even despite the fact that he is a constant reminder of Carl for her too. And Rick knows he needs to look at her and speak with her cuz she’s the cure and the one person who can reach him but again, he doesn’t feel he deserves that right now.

It reminds me of how he told her in Season 5 that she could’ve talked him out of their whole secret gun thing. Rick knows that if he’s around Michonne long enough she can talk him out of this wrathful self-sabotage state he seems to be in, so in an act of further self sabotage he’s pushing away.

After hearing Rick’s reasoning for going out, Michonne doesn’t address that, but instead she gets to the heart of the issue and asks Rick, “What did he write you.”

Again, I love that she is unafraid to deal with the real stuff with her man as tough as it is. Addressing the root will help him and all she wants is to help him through even if it’s doing hard things like having hard conversations.

So Michonne gets straight to the deeper issue cuz she knows they’ve built a mature relationship where they let it out and talk about everything with vulnerable honest communication. 💯

(Side note: Another reason these other characters need to put some respek on Michonne’s name is cuz she is the one to save their leader and pull him out of the darkness so many times. It’s a big responsibility that she does effortlessly and continuously and the whole community is better off because of it. So these characters have to realize there isn’t exactly a healthy leader Rick if not for Michonne being the one to lift him up. 💯)

Rick admits he doesn’t know what Carl wrote him cuz he can’t bring himself to read it and while he’s trying to run from this subject, I think you can also see the real Rick trying to come through and be vulnerable here too.

And I love that Michonne stops him and says “Wait.” There’s something about her saying wait that feels so loving cuz it’s not demanding, it’s more like she’s saying I know you’re about to walk out and away from this and from me and it’s urging him to give them this moment to not run but finally talk. She knows walking away and leaving this room can be damaging so she needs him to wait and hear her out.

When she says wait Rick does finally stop and face her and they’re standing closer now cuz magnets. He says he can’t with more vulnerability in his voice and you can see how fragile he feels. 

And then She tells him “You have to.” In a way that feels completely like she’s speaking from experience.

As always it’s not demanding or pushy, it’s coming from a place of knowing the longer he puts this off the harder the journey will be and the more his mental state will deteriorate, and she’s determined to keep that from happening to him.

They both have an immensely strong desire to protect each other and that’s why she stresses that he has to, because she wants to protect him from the dark places she went to when she experienced this kind of loss.

You can hear the plea in her voice because she knows it’s important and she wants him to me be okay. Like since season four they’ve established their you’re okay/I’m okay connection. And they’re both not okay right now so they have to go on this healing path together in order for both of them to ever truly heal individually, cuz they’re just one like that. Grieving together will help them get better. 👌🏽

Michonne then says “I did it too. When it happened to me.” And cue my internal and eternal tears. 😭

I’m so here for the fact that Michonne brings up losing her first son, cuz I thought surely this would have to be brought up between her and Rick in this new arc of losing Carl. If I’m not mistaken, this is the first time since season 4 that Michonne gets to reference her son.

I would’ve loved if they let her expand on it even more in their conversation but I am glad that this at least implies that Michonne having a son isn’t news to Rick. He seems to know all about her son cuz he definitely should by this point in their relationship. (It would’ve been great to see that initial conversation when she first told him tho.)

I adore that she levels with him through vulnerability and opens up about something personal. It’s their consistent thing, and it really is one of my favorite aspects of their relationship. 🙌🏾

Once she starts talking about this, Rick finally looks at her and then of course it’s like he can’t stop. We see him be entranced yet again and it finally seems like he’s letting himself hear and see her which is the way it’s meant to be. 

His look just makes it so clear that she makes so much sense to him, not just what she says, but who she is.

Like I said, all versions of Rick love Michonne so even this deflecting and vulnerable Rick can’t help but look at her like she’s his light.

And I feel like he understands she’s giving him another piece of her heart in this moment too. This has to resonate with Rick and help him to just fully grasp that his woman can help him through this, both cuz she lost Carl but also cuz she’s gone through losing a son in her past as well.

This can almost provide a sense of hope for Rick too in knowing that someone he loves has gone through this and came out on the other side. It was a reminder that he can get better and that she really does get this cuz she’s lost a son twice now.

And it really is so meaningful that she’s willing to bring up something so deep cuz it’s such a tough and emotional topic already, but then add to it that losing Carl has probably caused all those past feelings to resurface it’s probably heavier than ever for her, but she is willing to address her personal wound if it means helping her man. She loves him, y’all. 😊👌🏽

And as usual, Sis always knows what to say to communicate with him because when she says “You keep moving to move away from it.” it’s spot on.👏🏽👏🏽

Like it’s such a true statement cuz it’s what Michonne did when she was first introduced and it also perfectly encapsulates what Rick is doing right now.

The thing is when you move from the pain and don’t address it, that pain will follow you around more than a Morgan Hallucination. And Michonne knows that until you address it, it’ll haunt you.

I think this line of moving to move away from it also speaks to why Michonne’s been able to be so patient and compassionate with Rick during this time. Cuz she knows he’s not trying to move away from her but rather the pain.

And the way Rick looks at her here, I really feel like his heart breaks not just for him but for her and knowing she’s had to go through this twice and also that his state of mind isn’t allowing him to be there for her the way he knows he should be and wants to be.

I’m glad that Rick becomes more present with her upon hearing this. He can’t help but be. I’m telling you if she’s in front of him for longer than a second, he can’t help but be locked into her (that’s why it seems like there’s a lot of energy exerted when he pushes away cuz it’s just not natural for them).

She then she tells Rick, “Andrea stopped me” And it’s always nice to hear characters recall past characters (even if Andrea irked me to no end lol) 

Hearing Michonne bring up Andrea reminded me of the one good thing Andrea did which is helped Michonne to stay in one place and care about someone again. And that led Michonne to find her Grimes 2.0 family and fall in love with the man in front of her, so if Michonne credits Andrea for that then I guess I gotta say thanks Andrea. (just for that one thing tho 😂)

I really love that Michonne then tells Rick, “And now I’m stopping you.” It shows that she knows she can and does play that big of a role in his life.

And she’s willing to stop him while he doesn’t have the clarity to stop himself yet. And it’s admirable cuz that’s something everyone needs from time to time. She’s his North Star that’s capable of both guiding him where to go and also when to stop 👌🏽

In saying that she’s stopping him it’s her saying; I see you’re losing it and I know what that’s like, so I need to stop you before you head off and push this further down and make this harder to come back from. 

Honestly, Michonne for president of this TWD universe cuz she really does have the most wisdom and balance. 👸🏾🙌🏾

She knows how to lay down the law in the most loving and compassionate way possible and she’s selfless and puts others first which is something so few characters do on this show lately.

She then reminds Rick of something very important when she tells him, “Carl wrote that because he wanted you to read it”😭

It seems straightforward enough that he wrote it to be read, but this is actually really significant because it’s shifting the perspective for Rick. He hasn’t been able to read the letter for himself but this is showing him if he can’t read the letter for himself, then he should read it for Carl. She’s helping him to see that this is how they honor and respect him and let him live on.

Michonne passionately tells him, “It’s one of the last things he ever did.” 😭😭😭

It’s heartbreaking and true. Carl had a few precious hours left of his life and he used that time to write these letters so clearly it was super important to him. So they can’t shut it out cuz they can’t let Carl’s last day and decisions be in vain.

I love that Michonne fought for Carl as he lived and we’re seeing that even now as he’s no longer with them, she’s still fighting for him and making sure his voice is heard.

And Michonne looks at Rick with such a loving intensity because this is not big bad Rick to her, this is a man who needs his rock and she is 100% his rock.

Idk what was in Michonne’s letter (but I better know eventually, I’m just saying lol) but whatever it is, she clearly feels Carl’s spirit with her and is deriving a lot of strength from him. 

It makes me feel like Carl might’ve expressed to her in the letter how crucial she is to helping, not just Rick, but everyone see the light. 💯 And it’s giving her motivation amongst her pain. 😌

Rick’s teary eyed face as he lets those words hit him, just really hits my heart because he’s letting it sink in. 😭 Only she could get him to let that sink in. And he looks at her cuz, as much as it hurts, he sees that she’s right.

And in all the pain, it seems there’s this moment of clarity where he realizes not just that Carl’s really gone, but that Carl still has one more thing for him and he knows it’s going to require a lot of strength for him to receive it, especially cuz it’ll be the last thing he ever hears from his son. 😢

You can tell, even before they cut to it, that as Michonne is talking to him she’s holding his hand. And I love this closeness between them. 😊

She knows how immensely hard this is for him so while she’s rightfully challenging him to not run from the crucial healing process, she’s also connecting with him and taking his hand and communicating that he doesn’t have to do this alone. She’s suggesting this for his own good and to ease the pain, not increase the pain. 👌🏽

Another thing I love about this scene is that not once does it feel like the two are annoyed or frustrated with each other. They’re in different head spaces but there is still this love and respect and passion that’s so evident between them. 🙏🏽

So then you already know that I love that she tells Rick, “You’re staying.” Wifey vibes all day. 😋🙌🏾

And y’all, that wasn’t a request or a suggestion. That was a point blank period statement. And I’m here for it cuz it really does feel like a husband and wife moment.

In saying that he’s staying, she’s essentially telling him…

And I just gotta reiterate how again, it’s not said demanding or controlling but in a way that’s genuinely loving and sincere. Rick doesn’t know what’s best for him right now, but his other half does so she makes the call cuz Sis is his leader.

She knows he needs this and she knows she’s his wife so she can tell him he’s staying here, and (at least for a little bit) he’ll listen.

I really appreciate that this is all done out of love and this show could actually use more characters stepping in like she did and making the final call for others when they’re unhinged and at risk to themselves and others.

I love that the next wider shot is her gently holding his arm and taking the murder coat. Symbolism on ten. She’s taking the killer crazy in him and telling him to let that go to embrace the healthier approach of coping rather than killing. 💯

And sure enough, Homeboy lets her take the coat. ☺️He knows she’s right about this, it’s just a matter of being ready to embrace it.

The way Rick stays looking down and just doesn’t even know how to regroup is so telling of how understandably disoriented he is inside. And it’s clear there’s this internal conflict within him of acting on impulse or doing what’s right and following his woman’s lead.

So then Michonne walks out of the room and I was like Sis please stay cuz I think Homeboy needs some supervision right now lol. 😂 (and it ended up being quite true that he did 👀) 

But I appreciate that she looks at him one last time before leaving and her look conveys that she knows this part of the healing process is going to hurt but it’s necessary and he’ll be better because of it.

When she walks out, you can see Rick really start to feel everything and you can tell he just doesn’t want to cry anymore. So far every time we’ve seen him allow himself to come to grips with the loss for even a second it visibly breaks him (and it also emotionally breaks me might I add.)

So he has this emotional moment of breaking down for a split second and then taking a deep breath and going to the drawer and he takes the letter addressed to him. And can I tell y’all how deep this is even tho I know you already know? 😋

It is so deep that he’s able to do this cuz we’re literally seeing him attempt to do the hardest thing in the world for him...because Michonne wants him to. That’s love. 💛

Like y’all Homeboy has been putting his letter off for a minute and it’s been weighing on him, but now that Michonne’s had a heart to heart with him and let the message of honoring Carl’s last wish seep in, it’s given him at least enough strength to open the drawer and hold the letter and consider it and that’s a big deal.

Her words and getting him to focus back on Carl was enough to help him at least muster up the strength to hold the letter.

So as much as he wants to push this away, he can’t because she’s told him what she would want from him and you know he can’t resist giving her what she wants cuz soul mates. 

Michonne expressed wanting him to read it so he’s going to try for her. And that’s what I really appreciate about Rick; he’s always willing to try for Michonne. Every time she’s had a heart to heart with him we’ve seen him come around to her ways because he trusts her that much. 🙌🏾

Rick acknowledged the way Michonne leads him in 7x12, and I love that he’s still letting her do that now. ☺️ 

This time it’s going to take a little more time tho, so he doesn’t read the letter just yet, but it won’t be long before he does in fact come around.

This whole scene was such a loud and clear “I love you” between them, and also illustrated the strength of this couple, that she can have this heart to heart with him and it resonates with him despite everything else.

So I really appreciate this scene because, once again, we got to witness how nothing can change the love and respect Richonne has for each other cuz their love is a powerful thing. 😊🙌🏾👌🏽

gif sources: michonnegrimes gekari carlschandler kendaspntwd

[khaelisfics]

Never Twice

Paring: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Rating: Mature Word count: 3800 Tags: Angst, Fluff, Non-Graphic Smut

Read on AO3

I found a prompt on @doctorroseprompts this afternoon and got inspired! The prompt was from a Nonny ask:  Rose and TenToo never thought their first time would be in an abandoned place during a storm. It’s probably much more angsty than it should,but there’s still a happy ending! I’ve never witten TenToo before, so please forgive OOC behaviour!

I hope you’ll like it!

“I think we should stop.”

No answer came. He sighed deeply and nestled his chin deeper into the crook of his palm, staring through the window at the trees reeling behind the frame. The smooth glass was covered with a thick layer of condensation on the inside, streams of water on the outside, but even a blurry landscape of forest and fields was better than to look at her. He could feel her shrug without looking, imagine with acute precision the frown on her face and the dark look she probably threw at him.

The storm that had been brewing for the better part of the afternoon was now hitting the region they were trying to get away from, powerful gusts of wind, menacing sky, pouring rain, streaks of lightning glowing behind the heavy clouds. He knew it wasn’t wise to keep driving under such awful conditions, especially since the night had fallen abruptly half an hour back, even more especially since she was exhausted and had trouble focusing on the road ahead for more than a few seconds at a time. If they hadn’t nastily argued from the moment they had left the facility, maybe he could have knocked some sense into her. If he hadn’t been stupid enough to point out just how flirty that agent had been and how miffed he had been when she had done nothing more than giggle and blush, maybe he could have convinced her they ought to stop before she got the both of them killed.

Jealousy, he had found out, was a feeling inherent to human nature that he had big trouble dealing with now that he was part-human. The anger and the hurt had washed over him, and before he’d known it he was punching the nose of that blond bloke and possessively wrapping an arm around her waist. Thus, the argument. The problem came from the both of them and their lack of communication. Ever since they had kissed on that bloody beach and settled down in the parallel universe, they had barely talked. At first, he had thought it better to give her some time, give her some space, because he knew it mustn't have been easy to leave her Doctor behind, again, and end up with a carbon copy she’d never consider as the real one. She never talked about it, never referred to him as anything else but you and he, as if she refused to say his name, lest it’d make it all worse. And then, after a few days, a few weeks, they had settled in an awkward routine of shallow greetings and half-hearted kisses on the cheek, their only solace the mountain of work that fell on their desks at Torchwood every morning.

He didn’t even think they were together. They shared a flat, and that was about it - they hadn’t dared to refuse her father’s generous offer, but they both knew that had been a mistake. It made everything so much more complicated, and it killed him, day after day, to feel the love he’d always felt for her dwindle down. He was terrified that, soon, his love would die and he’d die along with it.

“Do you want me to drive?”

A snort. Okay, he got that. That had been a stupid offer - if the huge dent in the rear bumper and half the licence plate missing were any clues, he couldn’t actually drive. He had just lost an opportunity to keep his mouth shut. Again.

But then, he heard the regular clicking of a blinker, spotted a sign along the road that pointed towards an inn, and the tyres screeched on the wet asphalt of a path that ran through the trees, deep into the forest. He blew a discreet puff of relief and relaxed a little. Five minutes later, she parked the car in front of something he’d have trouble defining as anything else than a rotten cabin about to collapse. A big red sign was plastered on the door, under renovation, and he stared at it in disbelief as she groaned in annoyance and let her head fall onto the wheel with a dull thump.

“I’ll go check it out,” he sighed, unbuckling his safety belt and grabbed the flashlight from the glove compartment.

He quickly ran to one of the windows quivering under the relentless wind, swept his light into the large room for a few seconds, and went back to the car.

“Seems decent enough,” he almost shouted to cover the noise of the storm. “We could spend the night there. It’s either that or we sleep in the car. I’m not letting you drive any longer, you need to rest.”

“‘Kay, just let me grab my stuff in the trunk,” she accepted, pulling her hood over her head and turning the ignition off.

“I’ll get it, just go inside,” he told her, already going to back of the car to fetch their suitcase and the large plaid she always kept there in case of emergency.

His chucks splashed into the puddles of dirty water as he hurried towards the door, the few seconds he spent under the rain enough to soak his clothes and drench his hair, his carefully modelled spikes falling over his forehead in defeat. He joined her into what must have been a reception hall once, a large wooden counter the only element that pointed to the building’s former activity.

“I’ve seen a couch and a fireplace,” he said, pointing his chin towards the room on the left. “If we’re lucky, I’ll find dry wood somewhere to make a fire, I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“Thanks,” she whispered - she tried hard not to let her teeth chatter, she’d hate from him to see she was freezing already.

He simply shrugged and walked into what was left of a living-room, relieved to see it seemed to be resisting the powerful storm - at least, they’d be protected from the wind and the rain, which wouldn’t have been the case if they’d crashed into a ditch. He dropped the suitcase on an old-fashioned carpet than had seen better days and was covered in wood shavings and dust. The large couch was covered with a thick plastic sheet he was quick to take off and roll into a ball he threw away in a corner.

“You should change into dry clothes,” he advised her, handing her the flashlight so she wouldn’t stay in the dark - despite being only half-Time Lord, he still had an eyesight that was way superior to humans and he had far less trouble seeing in heavy obscurity. “I think I can use these to make a fire for the night.”

He crouched down and started to gather the shavings, stacking them into the improvised pouch he made with the hem of his shirt, along with a few pieces of crumpled newspapers that were outdated by a few years - if they needed any more proof that this inn was abandoned for good, there it was. His breath hitched in his throat when he heard her zip the suitcase open, the sound of her metallic belt buckle being loosened, the rumple of clothes as she stepped out of her jeans and took off her grey jumper. He didn’t want to look and do her the offence of watching without her consent, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes flew to her before he could stop them, and his mouth half-parted in awe at the perfectly sculpted body, the taut muscles under the smooth pale skin, the swell of her heaving breasts, the swell of her round bum, the curve of the small of her back, the slender nape of her neck. He realized this was the first time he was seeing her in such a state of undress, and he felt both guilty to watch behind her back and ignore how wrong this was, and sad that he actually had to steal that picture of her, that he’d probably never get to see her beauty in broad daylight, or enjoy it without that lingering disgust tinging his tongue - a disgust he most definitely felt for his own cowardice and all those base and immoral thoughts currently flooding his stupid human brain.

He quickly tore his eyes away from her and went to the fireplace to hide the blush that had swallowed his cheeks and throw his gatherings on the small heap of cold ashes. He reached for his sonic screwdriver in his trousers - the only thing he’d been able to recreate from scratch, though it counted much less functions that the previous one, given that some components hadn’t been invented yet, or simply didn’t exist in this sodden universe. Still, it was enough to spark a chunk of wood ablaze, and within a short minute a bright fire was roaring in the fireplace, projecting its dark shadows over the walls, its heat slowly spreading around the room. Satisfied by his handiwork, he finally allowed himself to change into dry clothes as well, his soaked shirt sticking uncomfortably to his skin and  his  too tight trousers discarded by the fire along with his shoes so they’d dry overnight.

He almost expected her to already be fast asleep on the couch, but when he turned on his heels he saw she was curled up in a corner and unsuccessfully trying to wipe her tears before he could see them. His frail human heart free-fell in his chest and he swallowed past the lump of worry that had settled in his throat. They both might have had their resentment and anger, they might not share anything anymore, they might not be the perfect couple everyone thought they were - if they were a couple at all, that was a fact he couldn’t even believe himself any longer. But her tears would always be something that wrenched his heart and struck all the wrong chords in his chest.

“Rose?” he asked softly, padding towards her to sit quietly by her side.

Oh, he doubted she’d want to share, but at least she wouldn’t blame him for not trying. He watched in silence as she rubbed her nose with the back of her sleeve and fiddled with a lose thread of her woollen sock.

“Can I ask you a question?” she sniffed, staring at the tiny hole in her sweatpants without really seeing it.

“You now you can ask me anything, Rose,” he shrugged, daring to clasp his fingers around her own in a gentle hold.

“Can you bring the Doctor back?”

That question, those few words shot daggers through his heart and he bit down on his cheek so hard the copper taste of blood flooded his tongue. He thought he’d already experienced the worst kind of pain when she had started to ignore him, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined. Pain usually came with sorrow, with guilt, with fears. But this was pure, raw, unadulterated hurt. He tried hard not to shove her away and dash out the room, steal her car and drive until he crashed against a lamppost or fell over a precipice. Instead, he drew her into a tight hug and released a shaky breath. It wasn’t like he didn’t know she missed the other him, and he would have gladly sent her back to him if he could - at least one of them would be happy.

“I can’t,” he apologized, brushing his fingers through her blond strands. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

“Why?” she asked - and he frowned in confusion, because surely she couldn’t have forgotten why it was impossible.

“Because we can’t cross the fabric between the universes,” he still answered. “Because even if it were possible, we wouldn’t have any way of doing it.”

“You really don’t get it, do you?”

She freed herself from his hold, but instead of shifting away from him like he thought she would, she simply sat cross-legged on his side and splayed her hands over his chest. Her eyes were still full of tears, but what he deciphered in their depth made no sense.

“I know my Doctor is in there somewhere,” she whispered, brushing her knuckles up to his jaw before she cupped his cheek. “I don’t know why he’s hiding. I don’t know what I did to scare him away, but I want him back. Please, tell me what I can do for him to come back. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me how I can fix this.”

“Rose, you did nothing wrong,” he breathed out, leaning into her touch against his most reasonable instincts. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you won’t talk to me,” she smiled, a sad, heartbreaking smile that made him wince. “You won’t touch me, you won’t kiss me. You won’t love me. Ever since we came back, you’ve been so… Distant. I never felt more abandoned than when you decided to sleep on the couch on our first night together. And then you just… Walked away.”

“I… I just wanted to give you time, Rose,” he said, lowering his eyes to hide the tears he felt pricking in their corners. “Time to forget about him, time to get used to me. I thought you needed it.”

“There’s no him. There’s you. There’s only ever been you. I wish I had made it clearer. But I also wish you trusted me enough to see that.”

He looked into her eyes, and for the first time in almost a year, he saw. He saw her pain when he’d only noticed the anger, he saw her guilt when he’d believed she was secretly enjoying playing with his feelings, her saw her longing for him when he’d been sure she only wanted the one man she could never get, he saw her love when he’d been certain she felt nothing more but hate for him. He couldn’t explain the reasons why he had always been blind to those feelings, why he had ignored them, ignored her and her needs. And then he realized she was right. He had walked away. He had abandoned her and abandoned who he was in the process. But he’d been wrong. She still wanted him. Still needed him, and he still needed her. Still loved her.

A streak of lightning reflected in the depth of her eyes and a low rumble made his heart vibrate in his chest. He still loved her.

“I trust you, Rose,” he whispered, the tears he finally let roll down on his cheeks speaking that truth better than words could. “Of course I trust you. I’ve been an idiot. I should have seen you needed me. I should have seen distancing myself was making it worse. I’m sorry I let you down.”

“I should have loved you more,” she murmured, brushing his tears away with her knuckles. “I should have tried harder. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Doctor.”

And it was when she used his name for the first time in almost a year that he realized everything would be fine. They hadn’t lost each other. Merely lost some time because of stupid doubts and irrational fears. Why they had waited so long to talk about them was beyond him, but it didn’t matter. Nothing else but the heat of her lips under his and the softness of her tongue against his mattered.

The kiss was nothing like their first. He still had this distant memory of her lips crashing against his, of their hands grabbing at clothes, of their arms trying to pull each other closer, as close as they could ever get. This was better. So much better. Each brush of their lips was like an heartfelt apology, each caress of their tongue a quiet reassurance that they were together again, each squeeze of their fingers a silent promise that they wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

They had never gotten the chance to acquaint themselves with that kind of touch. He slowly discovered just how smooth her skin was under his fingertips, how delicate her lips were, how warm her body was pressed against his. She slowly discovered just how soft his hair felt under her fingers, how gentle his nips and kisses were, how solid and comforting his body was pressed against her. He could have drowned in the sounds she made and she could have suffocated in his scent. The heat of the fire dancing over their body almost felt cold against their burning touches, and the simmering need in the pit of their loins steadily turned to boiling desire.

A loud thunder clap made the windows tremble just as they broke their passionate kiss, and he brought one of her hand to rest above his heart, the other still firmly splayed over his cheek.

“Rose,” he whispered, a strained voice the went with his bridled passion. “If we go further… Then please, allow me, now… I want them to be meaningful.”

“Them?” she asked, feeling his quick heartbeat hammering against his ribcage under her palm.

“Yes. I need to say them again.”

She shivered deep down to her bones when he pressed their foreheads together and stared at her, through her, his hot breath caressing her lips, his eyes two pits of raw devotion and affection.

“I love you,” he murmured, letting the words roll on the tip of his tongue like poetic lyrics he was thrilled to remember.

“I love you too, my Doctor,” she smiled before she pressed a kiss on the tip of his nose. “You’re back.”

And those three, very simply word, made them whole again. The Doctor and Rose, just like they were supposed to be. Their lips met again in a searing kiss and their groans fused into a beautiful symphony. Strands of hair were tugged, nails scraped the skin of their necks, hands slipped under their clothes, teeth clacked against each other. The Doctor sowed little nips down the column of her throat and his lips latched on the pulse point of her neck, elated to know she’d wear his mark the morning later. He helped Rose out of her long-sleeved top and gently accompanied her body down on the couch, nudging her knees further apart so he could settle between them. He shed his own tee-shirt, and he growled between his clenched teeth when her nimble fingers tried to caress his chest everywhere at one, brushing against his coarse smattering of hair and teasing his nipples on their way. He had never been one to believe in vengeance, but the way she arched under him made it hard to resist the temptation. He slipped an arm under her back to bring her closer and bowed his head to suck on of her nipples into his mouth, tongue teasing its peak until it wall pulled taut.

This wasn’t exactly the romantic first time Rose could have expected from the Doctor, but at the same it was so them, stuck in a decrepit inn to escape a raging storm, that she couldn’t bring herself to care. The fire shed its deep orange glow over his upper body, dark shadows outlining his lean curves and strong muscles, lighter ones drafting the goosebumps that had risen over his pale skin, underlying his hollowed cheeks and the dip under his pouty lip. He looked handsome, especially with that reflection of a flame etched in the depth of his eyes swallowed by black pupils. Especially with his flattened brown mane brushing against her oversensitized skin and his lips mapping the contours of her breasts. She hadn’t been touched with so much tenderness and so much care for so long, her desire became an urgent need, a crazed longing to draw him closer and made one with his. She wrapped her legs around his midsection, crossed her ankles in the small of his back, and moaned loudly when he willingly bent forward to press his hardness against her heated core.

“Please, Doctor,” she begged through a whimper, rocking her hips against him to try and relieve her aching arousal.

“Rose, I won’t…” the Doctor started, choking on a gasp when she managed to rub herself over his still clothed erection. “I won’t last.”

“Doctor, we have a whole life ahead of us to take it slow,” she pleaded, shoving her sweatpants down along with her knickers herself. “I need you. Give yourself to me.”

He grunted low in his throat and pushed his trousers down as far as they would go without breaking the contact of his lips on her skin, trailing kisses up to her jaw until their mouths met again. Their clothes didn’t allow for broad movements or even a comfortable position, but he had enough freedom to fully sheath himself in her warm, welcoming heat. They groaned in unison at the sudden shared intimacy, both completely surrounded by the other, gulping down short intakes of their mingled breath. They moved together in a synchronous dance that almost felt like a waltz they had practiced over and over again, their hips coming together in a wild staccato rhythm that couldn’t quite follow the rapid pants flowing out of their mouths when they stopped kissing for long enough. Her pent up passion snapped just before his, her wild flutters the last thing he needed to follow in her wake with a shout of her name he muffled in the crook of her neck.

Neither of them heard the howl of the wind shaking the cabin or the low rumble of the dying thunder, neither of them saw the last streak of lightning that flowed the room, neither of them felt the freezing breeze that replaced the heat of the now perished fire. Their breaths were comforting enough, their eyes were too enthralled by what they saw in their depths, the warmth of their still joined bodies kept the cold away. Their love was enough.

When they would get back to their car the morning later, a bright ray of sunlight would be piercing through the fluffy clouds that had chased the dark smog of the night, a flock a birds merrily chirping in the naked trees. The Doctor would offer to drive again, and instead of a snort, Rose would just shake her head with a chuckle. Rose wouldn’t keep her hand firmly locked around her gear shift knob and rub his thigh at any given chance. He wouldn’t look through the window, just stare into the rearview mirror to catch her eyes every few seconds, beaming at her every time he did. They didn’t know why it had taken so long to talk about it, but they knew the same mistake would never be made again.

[livingcorner]

Watering

When to water

Water in the mornings, if you can, as this is when the sun comes up and plants will start to use water. The foliage and soil surface is also likely to stay drier for longer than evening watering, discouraging slugs, snails and mildew diseases. Plants start to transpire in sunlight, drawing water from the soil, through their roots, up their stems and out through tiny pores on their leaves called stomata. Evening watering is also fine, as the cooler conditions mean less water is lost to evaporation. 

Watering in the heat of the day is not a good idea as much water is lost through evaporation from the surface of the soil and the plants will use water more efficiently if watered in the cooler parts of the day.

You're reading: Watering

Watering frequency

We’re frequently advised to ‘keep plants well watered’ but just how often should that be and how do we know if a plant is getting enough water?

There is no simple rule of thumb for watering as each plant has different needs – for example, a container plant in hot sunny weather may need watering daily, whereas a mature shrub might only need a drink in extreme drought. But â€‹below are some things to think about and look for to help you get it right for your plants. It’s good to remember, plants will use more water if more water is made available to them, so you can allow them to dry out a little between watering and they don’t need to be wet all the time. 

Factors that affect how often you need to water:

Size, species and stage of growth of the plant – the larger and more leaves a plant has, the more water it is likely to lose and the more nutrients are needed to grow flowers and fruit. These are mainly taken up through the roots, dissolved in water, so more water is generally needed to produce flowers and fruit

Texture, structure and compaction of the soil or growing media and its organic matter content. Plants cannot extract every drop of water from soil and some soils may still feel damp even though plants have started to wilt. This tends to happen in clay soil. A clay soil can hold more water than a sandy one but plants are able to extract more water from sand than clay. In contrast, sandy soil can feel dry even though there may be moisture still available to plant roots. Sandy soils tend to need smaller amounts of more frequent watering than clay. Caring for your soil by adding organic matter will improve its water holding capacity

Whether the plant is growing in a border or container or with root restriction e.g. next to a wall. A large plant in a small pot will need more frequent watering than one planted in a border. In a border, the roots are free to grow wherever they are able to find water and hence draw moisture from a much larger volume of soil than if the roots are confined in a pot. Plants that are potbound (i.e. have more roots than compost in the pot) dry out particularly quickly

Season and weather (e.g. rainfall, hours of sunshine, temperature, wind and humidity) will affect the rate of water use. Generally speaking, plants use more more water in the warmer summer months and less in the cooler winter months. They will also use more in hot, sunny and windy weather. And watering will need to be more frequent during prolonged dry spells with no decent rain (light showers are of little use to plants as the water simply evaporates or only wets the very surface of the soil where there are few roots)

Signs that your plants may need more frequent watering

Less than expected growth of foliage, or production of fruit or flowers

Leaves or stems that look dull or lost their shine, sometimes darker or paler than normal

Change in position of leaves, they may angle downwards or start to curl

Wilting (take care though as this can also indicate overwatering!)

Pots become lighter in weight

Pots blowing over in the wind

Symptoms of powdery mildew

If the surface of the soil or compost is dry, that does not necessarily mean that the plant needs water. Water is needed at the root tips, so surface moisture is not always a good indicator. If using the touch test, push your finger down into the compost or soil to at least knuckle depth to see if it is damp, rather than just feeling the surface.

How to water

Plants can only effectively use water through their roots, taking water from the surrounding soil or compost. So water needs to get to where it’s needed, at the tip of the roots and not the leaves. Wet or humid foliage will encourage fungal problems and evaporation from the surfaces.

Watering more thoroughly, but less frequently helps get the water down to the deeper root tips. It is better to water the garden before drought really sets in, to keep the soil moisture levels even and avoid the soil being continuously dry. But, equally important, the soil doesn’t have to be really wet all the time because plants roots need air as well as water to grow well. Consider the way we drink a glass of water, it doesn’t have to be full all the time, but we might prefer it was topped up half way rather than it becoming completely empty.

Read more: GARDEN: How can you get rid of mosquitoes in the yard? Try these tips

Where plant roots are restricted for example in containers or growing next to a wall or fence post, more frequent watering may be needed as the roots are extracting water from a smaller volume of soil than if they were growing freely in the border soil.

Once drought has set in to border, it is futile to try and remedy this by light watering over a wide area. Light watering may encourage surface rather than deep roots, leaving plants more susceptible to drought. Instead, make a single thorough watering of the plants that are suffering. Try to water in the cool of the evening or the very early morning, so that less water is lost immediately to evaporation.

Watering effectively where drainage is poor is very difficult. It’s better to improve the drainage or choose plants that are appropriate for the conditions such as those suited to both wet and dry conditions. Roots are very susceptible to airless conditions, particularly when the soil is warm in summer.

How much water to apply

How much water is needed will depend largely on the water requirements of that particular plant and how actively it is growing. The type of soil or growing media as well as weather are also important considerations.

Light sandy or chalk soils need watering more frequently than heavy clay soils, but less water can be applied at each watering, as the excess will drain away easily. Heavier, clay-based soils can be watered less frequently, but need heavier applications of water because they hold more water within their structure. Adding organic matter increases the water holding capacity of most soils.

When watering containers, try adding 10% of the volume of the container at each watering. So for a 10 litre patio pot, add 1 litre of water. Pour it on slowly, aiming to keep it in the pot and not allow it to drain out of the bottom. A saucer placed under the pot will catch any excess and allow it to be re-absorbed. For small containers, gently lift the pot after watering to see if it feels heavy, and if not, add a little more water. You will soon gauge how light the pots are when they are in need of water.

If plants have wilted between waterings, you may need to water more often, but slowly and thoroughly so that the water reaches the root zone. Avoid disturbing the soil surface if you can, by slowing the flow. Pop a rose attachment on your watering can, a variable nozel on your hose or simply reduce the pressure at the tap. This will allow water to infiltrate into the soil more slowly.

Sources of water

Rainwater is an excellent choice for plants and the first ‘go to’ for gardeners as it is freely available if you are able to store it. Tap water requires treatment and energy to deliver it to our homes and can contain more minerals than many plants need, especially ericaceous plants. Grey water from our homes can also be used in very dry spells.

Methods of watering

Watering cans: Most garden watering can be aimed specifically at the stem bases beneath the foliage canopy using a watering can, leaving the surrounding soil dry. This helps to limit weed problems and ensures all the water goes where it is needed, to the roots.

Self watering pots and containers: These have an in-built reservoir that stores water away from the root zone but is connected by a capillary system or wick. The plants will draw water into the root zone as they need it, prolonging the time between watering and collecting and storing rain water. These containers are best watered directly into the reservoir rather than from the surface of the soil so that fines of compost and nutrients are not washed into the reservoir where it can make the water anaerobic and smelly.

Read more: What to plant in your garden: a month-by-month guide

Seep hoses: These hoses or pipes with holes in them deliver water accurately to established plants and plants in rows. They can be hidden beneath soil or mulch, which also avoids evaporation losses. Water doesn’t move much sideways from seep hoses. Therefore the lengths of hose need to be positioned across plant root systems, such as going under a shrub, or the lines placed 30-45cm (12-18in) apart in denser plantings. They work best on heavy soil where the water spreads further sideways than on lighter soils.

Automated irrigation systems: To save time and labour on bigger or more water-demanding areas such as fruit and veg plots, install a drip or trickle irrigation system. Only the root zone should be wetted – water that penetrates deeper will be inaccessible to most plant roots, and leach nutrients into the deeper layers of soil. Suppliers can advise on installation of these systems. They can be operated on timers or with moisture or rain sensors but still need checking especially when setting up if wastage is to be avoided. They can be particularly useful if you go away on holiday. Solar powered pumped systems can make use of stored rainwater whereas most drip irrigation needs mains pressure to work well.

Sprinklers: These have only limited use in gardens, as they need mains pressure to work and can use as much water in an hour as a family of four people would normally use in two days.

Tips for economical watering

Design your garden to cope with climate change and minimise your need to use water. Improve your soil with organic matter so that it holds more water, and use water collection and storage as part of your design, so you can minimise the time and energy spent watering. Be inspired with great garden solutions for water management with our pages on rain gardens, drought resistant gardening, gravel gardens and plants for wet and dry conditions.

To use water in the most economical way, it’s good to learn your plants’ watering requirements. Here are some tips for getting it right:

Annual flowers and vegetables produced in the spring are likely to need more watering than self-sown or autumn grown plants as they have new and shallow root systems

Established trees and shrubs do not generally need watering, as they have such wide-ranging roots that they are drought-proof. But their growth may be improved by watering when they are under drought-stress

Trees and shrubs planted less than five years ago have increased water requirements and may suffer drought-stress without watering

Newly sown or newly planted areas are very vulnerable to water-stress, and watering these should be high priority. Ideally, watch the weather forecast and aim to plant when rain is forecast

Herbaceous perennials often need watering to boost their performance in hot, dry spells. Plant choice is crucial if you want to achieve a drought-proof border. See our advice on drought-resistant plants for more on plant choice

Edible produce yields and quality are greatly improved by watering at times when drought stress would affect the part of the plant that is gathered. Leafy crops such as lettuce and spinach should never be short of water. Onions require little or no watering. Most other crops need watering at sowing and transplanting time, and then again as the fruits, roots or tubers are developing. It is also a good idea to give a single, thorough watering about two weeks before harvest. Organic surface mulch laid between rows can help reduce moisture losses

Lawns require great quantities of water for thorough irrigation, and this is a questionable use of a scarce resource for any other than high quality lawns or sports turf. Instead of watering in dry periods, mow less closely and less frequently. Brown patches usually recover when the autumn rains return

Make life easier for yourself! Here are 3 simple tips to minimise the need to water;  

Choose the right plant, in the right place and plant it at the right time using our RHS Find a Plant tool

Plant new plants between autumn and spring to give them the best chance of growing roots before dry weather begins

Add organic matter to the soil before planting and mulch them afterwards. Mulching with a layer of organic matter or gravel at least 5cm (2in) thick, or using opaque mulching sheets, reduces moisture loss from the upper layers of the soil. This may amount to as much as the equivalent of 2cm (0.75in) of rain

How much water could be saved?

Rainwater should be the first choice for gardens, you can find ways to make the best use of rain water and estimate the amount of mains water that could be saved each year in your garden, by following this link and pledging to make the switch from using mains to rains.

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/watering/

[korpuskat]

To Love Your Fate, Chapter 8: Ilinx

Ao3 Mirror Rating: Teen/Mature Word Count: 3.3K Summary:  The call to your saber is strong- leading you to the planet of M'haeli with Kylo and Enki Ren.

=====

You wasted no time in unclipping your safety belt and rushing down the ramp, nearly tripping over the last inch, not quite lowered all the way to the ground.

The landing site is all grassland, covered in low, stringy pale green weeds no more than ankle high, even in your boots. The small spaceport around you lazily droned onward, a squadron of troopers marching by as the colonizers watched cautiously. Their eyes flicking between the white-armored soldiers, the large, impending wings of Kylo’s shuttle, and the stranger in odd dark robes looking lost and haggard.

Whatever reason the First Order had claimed the area- or even the planet, you weren’t entirely sure the legality- wasn’t clear, nor seemingly important. But the locals knew well enough not to poke their noses into whatever Order business was happening, and though the curiosity and wariness was pervasive in the mind of every passerby, none stopped to investigate.

The air was breathable without masks, and even fresh smelling; something faintly fruity making your mouth water. And the atmosphere (wary though it was) was an infinitely more pleasant change: behind you, two dark, tumultuous signatures lingered, their steps heavy upon the ship’s ramp, now fully extended and well mounted into the dirt.

Enki had claimed he had unrelated business on M’haeli. Even without the Force’s guidance, you had no doubt that was complete bullshit. You had no reason to trust him anyway. You watched him cautiously as he looked eastward. You felt the obnoxious, arrogant grin under his skullish mask as he glanced over his shoulder, nodding once to Kylo who did not acknowledge the Knight’s departure. Enki marched east, deeper into the busy port.

But Enki’s unwelcome, smothering presence was not the only reason you had raced onto the new world. There was something important here. Something was… singing. A low, humming melody that tugged at your legs, ached to make you follow it somewhere out of the crowds, deep into the rolling hills.

With the second Knight disappearing into the crowds, you looked back to your master. Behind his own mask, the agitation at Enki’s existence was fading; his response slowly filled with prideful anticipation. His own eagerness spilled into you- made the excitement in your belly bubble over, a smile peeling past your lips, not hidden and secret like Kylo’s.

Somewhere on this planet, your crystal was waiting for you.

Do you feel it? His voice is even, but almost breathless- the exhilaration lying unspoken, winding around your mind, mixing with your own. You nod. Could he hear the singing, too?

You take two steps forward, almost content to wander blindly through the grasslands until you found it- but a red-shouldered trooper cut you off. His armor clattered loudly as he saluted, his mask drifted between looking at you and at Kylo. “Sir,” They started- with the barest brush of their mind, you felt the prickling anxiety that made their neck hurt. They expect Kylo to be very upset- “There is a problem.”

Your eyebrows pinched on instinct- but they continued on. “There is a local group, unconnected to the Resistance, we believe, that is opposing the Order. They have blocked access to the mines. We were instructed…”

Kylo cut in- “How many crystals did you obtain?”

“Two dozen, sir. Of varying size and quality. The mine was more severely depleted than expected.”

Is the crystal near? He asked; voice injected into your mind. You suppressed a shudder. Had Kylo always been so forceful in his bonded whispers to you?

You swallowed your reservations and returned to the task at hand. You closed your eyes- and reached out. The refrain even louder when you sought it. With your mind, you followed its delicate warblings. Deep underground, far past the soft mounds of hills surrounding the colony.

Your calm confidence surprised you. No.

Kylo hummed in the back of his throat- too low for his modulator to pick up. “Are the speeders prepared?”

“Yes, sir. This way.”

The speeder is sleek and dark, a newer model of the old T-44s the Empire used. Twin engines tucked against the back corners of the craft. More interesting: two transport speeders were parked beside it, each slowly being loaded with selections of Stormtroopers. You squinted at it for a moment before Kylo’s mind was tugging at yours, urging you to get in so you both could resume your mission.

Having been subjected to Kylo’s flying thrice now, you knew well enough to hold on as he pressed down the accelerator. The force of the wind against your face was refreshing- the chill making your face tingle pleasantly.

The further away from the colony, the stronger the smell of fruit. Until you passed short brushy-looking plants that bore neon-colored fruits. Were they edible? And, if so, what creatures lived here?

“Is this where you got your crystal?” The words slipped by without thinking. You hoped, perhaps, the wind had obscured your voice- but even if it had, his power was still pressed up against your mind. He would have heard you even without your voice.

The speed of the craft faltered, slowing then surging forward once more. Kylo’s hands tightened on the control column. He’s brisker than the wind- “No.”

You quieted, any desire to pursue your curiosity snuffed out. The air resumed its loud rush, suffocating any residual words to share.

The nav system blinked, the dot of your destination appearing on screen. Wouldn’t be long now.

More an echo into your mind than a verbal statement: “I made mine.”

You blinked, looked to him. Kylo stared forward, almost unseeing over the passing greenery. He glanced at you momentarily from the corner of his eye- just long enough to acknowledge each other.

The desire to find your crystal had made you excited.To pull it from the deep, hidden heart of a strange planet had felt so right. But you had read about the technique briefly in the book Xeni had given you. It had seemed like such a long and arduous process- to meditate over a single crystal and guide its formation for several days. Without even knowing if you would have made it correctly…

You didn’t want to pursue that, though surely Kylo would have provided you with the furnace needed if you had wanted to.

Had Kylo’s crystal come out unstable? Or had it cracked later…?

You didn’t answer him, unsure how to read his mood- surely too intensely set on the mission at hand to entertain you.

The hills grew higher, and as you crested one top- you saw the gaping black hole in the terrain. Like an infected wound, it seemed to suck in all light around it. Two white armored soldiers stood at the edge- seemingly more attentive and alert than most. On guard. Actively. Something was wrong.

Kylo haphazardly parked the speeder, leaning hard on the thrust reversers. He wasted no time waiting for you, immediately climbing out and approaching the troopers.

"Sir," The Trooper on the left spoke to Kylo, as the right examined you- helmet tilting up and down in confusion, something akin to disdain floating across his mind. You raised your eyebrows, dared him to say anything. "The local population has occupied part of the mines. They have proven aggressive and violent."

Kylo gave a sharp nod in acknowledgement- as you returned your focus to him, you couldn’t help but furrow your brow. He was distant- distracted. You could feel his thoughts swirling just out of reach. "A support convoy will be arriving after us. Stay here until we return."

They each nodded, one's mask clicking against his chest plate.

You looked into the cavernous maw of the mine, the dark entrance circling down into the earth. All at once the humming washed over you. You closed your eyes, felt the power pulsing in your veins-

You felt Kylo's eyes on you from behind his mask. Watching you. He's waiting. He knew that feeling- you could tell, just from the quiet thoughts that filter into your consciousness- the knowledge that a turning point in your destiny was so close, just within your reach. Something was going to happen.

You swallow thickly and stepped into the darkness.

After the first turn, the light from the entrance was entirely gone. Kylo ignited his saber, bathing the earth in red, flickering light. The walls had been picked clean of anything interesting- leaving only crumbling dirt and rocks with the rare touch of scaffolding for support.

The mine went deep, long winding tunnels that branch off at every turn. Despite the labyrinthine maze of twists, you felt no hesitation in the path you chose, somehow guided. Even if Kylo had not illuminated your path, you would've been able to find your way to it.

A few times you heard rustling- distant movement, obscure and unfamiliar. The trooper's report of the locals made you nervous, hyperaware of any sound that wasn't made by you or Kylo- but you never saw anyone else.

And then

You saw it.

An odd changing of the light, something strange- no longer just the crimson of Kylo's blade. You approached it- wiped the top layer of dirt off the wall, revealing the source to you. Embedded in the dirt, packed tightly into the wall was a glowing stone. The crystal shone a bright, cyanic blue, resonating and humming softly against your fingers- charged with power.

"That one?" Kylo's voice broke the serenity of the song-- almost concerned with the choice.

You turned the crystal in your hands, noted the inner swirling teal. You felt it with the Force, sweeping through the power the small stone held. "No,” You sigh, rolling the crystal once more. “But it's near."

You hesitated- then pressed the crystal back into the wall, unsure what else to do with it. It felt wrong to take a crystal that wasn't... your crystal. Clearly the Order still desired them, having commandeered this mine.

But the singing was so close now, soon drawing you through the darkness, passing other dots of light, hidden power in the walls of the mine. Sparkling lights unseen, each humming their own notes. Together, they should have been a cacophony, a thundering racket that drowned out all other senses-- but even with dozens, hundreds of the mystical rocks around you, it was still soothing, melodious.

You turned a corner, and it’s there. A jolt of power, of recognition sparking over your skin. You stopped, struggled to breathe through the moment. This was it. You knew it.

You surged forward all at once, nearly tripping over yourself with a new strength in each successive step. The stone emitted no visible light- buried too far into the walls of the cavern, but you could see it. The swirling, pulsing of Force energy that called to you so sweetly.

You dug into the walls- your gloves unable to stop the occasional sharp point of compacted dirt from digging into the flesh of your palm with your careless, driven search. You dislodged one stone- dropping it blindly on the mine’s floor, and you could see it. Truly see it, shining out into the darkness.

The gemstone was so small, hardly larger than your thumb. Slightly oblong, rounded and smooth to the touch. And magenta. A brilliant red-purple that sang against your fingertips. Any previous wonder of what it would be like was gone- the answers all felt so obvious. Of course it looked like this, how could it not? It had to be this way.

You rolled the crystal in your palm, feeling the power trapped inside. Kylo stepped closer, staring over your shoulder at it.

“This one?” His voice rumbled, dancing and blending with the melody until it began to fade. The stone was quiet now-- all the others were gone as well, dropping into a knowing, comfortable silence. Just the echoing of Kylo and yours breathing and the merciless spitting of his lightsaber.

You licked your lips. “Yeah.”

Navigating your way back was less easy- with your beacon in hand, the supernatural guidance you’d had was gone. But at least Kylo seemed to know his way back- or perhaps he was feeling a sort of beacon of his own. The desire to connect with him (more deeply than the surface skimming that always seemed to slip between you) was a deep ache in your chest. But it felt wrong, somehow. Out of place.

Kylo was so focused- so intent on returning to the speeder and ultimately to the Finalizer. His attention only upon the task at hand. Not lost in the strange newness that you were still rolling in your palm.

You didn’t even see it.

The adrenaline poured so fast into Kylo’s veins you can feel its echo in yours, suddenly taught and ready to spring-- and then the screeching hum of his crackling blade swinging up through the air, its red light shifting over the walls. The lightsaber spat,slicing through something in the air- burning hot fragments spraying across his arm, across your dark robes.

You ran on instinct- on the training the Order and Kylo had both instilled deep inside. You dropped low, covered your face protectively, sought the source of aggression. And there- amongst the dark shadows of the mine, standing at the convergence of a fork, was a boy.

You blinked, stared at him, tried to piece the visual together in your mind. A boy. No more than ten cycles. A child stood before you, his hand shaking around the hilt to a blade. His mind was so open- he’s terrified, though you wouldn’t need the Force to know that. But there’s a determination behind the fear, something you know all too well.

It was what drove you through your weeks of separation, after all. The primal need and connection to something. The same brush against Kylo’s mind yields only confusion, unsure how to… deal with this.

The boy lifted the blade- held it with both hands before him, the point leveled at you. The sensation of the ridges Kylo’s lightsaber bit into your hand, hard and unforgiving as his grip tightened.

You went rigid. Deal with him. Kylo wouldn’t...

You could see it now- the edge of the knife (surely too short to truly be a sword) so defined, it wasn’t even a vibroblade. Nothing more severe than you would find in a kitchen. He wasn’t a threat.

He opened his mouth once, but struggled to find the words, closing it again in silence. Only the sounds of pounding blood and the crackling of Kylo’s saber in your ears. The boy licks his lips and tries again.

“Y-you can’t have it.”

You tilt your head, try to process his words. Kylo didn’t need that time- he took one step forward, edging himself between the child and yourself. The intent behind it is so subtle you almost didn’t feel it- “You will leave.”

The boy’s grip only tightened, the fiery determination flashing in his eyes. “You can’t have it. You’ve taken enough.”

Kylo sneered, his lip twitching upward, the feeling echoing through the Force. His power is unmistakable this time- his off hand extended outward- ”Go home.”

The child struggled against it- blinking and shaking his head. The constant spitting of Kylo’s lightsaber kept you on edge- if the boy broke free of the impulse…. You bit your lip and looked to him. Kylo wouldn’t kill him, would he? He was essentially unarmed and alone, no real threat to either of you. You wouldn’t let him.

But it seemed you wouldn’t need to stop him.

The boy’s shoulders slowly loosened, his hands dropping to his sides. His eyebrows twitched together, confused and concerned- like walking into a room and forgetting what he’d been doing. “I… will go home…”

He began to walk back- two steps into the deep darkness ahead. Kylo exhaled slowly, the tension ebbing away in sluggish waves. You approached slowly- as though he were a frightened loth cat- and touch his upper arm. He looked to you, then. Something unspoken- verbally or mentally- passed between you.

You were so focused on Kylo’s own return to ease that you didn’t feel it.

“Wait,” The boy spoke again- facing deep into the mine ahead. You blinked, looked back to his tiny form-

“Who are-” his voice dropped into a soft whine- and the nauseating note of shattering bones popping out of place was all that followed. His neck wrenched unnaturally back towards you, his eyes still glossed over from Kylo’s command. The miniscule power that had kept him upright dissipated, dropping him to the rough mine floor.

You couldn’t breathe- eyes locked with the child’s even as you knew he was gone. Time seemed to drag on, eons passing before you could even register the boots standing on the other side of the child’s body.

Black. Synthleather- your eyes travelling upward on habit, even as you knew who it was. The skull-like mask of Enki stared unseeingly back at you. But you could feel it. He’d felt nothing in doing that, no joy in snapping someone’s neck (no, no, you knew now, could feel it in the horrible, vile mess of Enki Ren’s mind that he enjoyed the violence not just the murder).

But now he looked to you. And he felt it. In your shock your outermost defenses fell without a fight, and he could feel your shock, your… your disgust. And you knew, even without the Force, the exact sick grin that had settled over his blue lips.

Your hand clenched hard around the crystal, the edges digging into the flesh of your palm. And you- you needed it, needed to feel the crunch of broken bones, to make him bleed for this. The darkness curled around your fist with ease, a vambrace of your rage-

A fierce pain around your arm, tight and demanding. You didn’t even recognize it as Kylo’s hand, biting deep into your skin, leaving a violet ring for tomorrow. You can’t look at him. You can’t.

Because you knew. You knew Kylo wasn’t the least upset about Enki’s outright murder, and you knew Kylo could’ve, would have killed him just the same. The darkness was so overwhelming in him- so cold and empty, a shell around what you truly loved.

Your head spun, lightheaded and nauseous. You didn’t even register that you were being pulled away, lead past the body, the Knight, and the two rows of white-armored Stormtroopers lined behind him. Your mind was silent, nothing but static and emptiness, vision bobbing freely as you ascended back out of the mine.

The sunlight was too bright, made you cringe, shield yourself against it.

Kylo lead you back to the speeder, guiding you to sit down. He said nothing as he sat beside you and started the engine.

The words were so quiet as they leave your mouth, you wonder how Kylo had even heard you. “There are children in the Resistance.”

There’s no emotion at all behind his staccato “Yes.”

Upon return to the base, Kylo informed the crew they would be taking a different shuttle back. You followed him, perhaps by habit or perhaps because you wouldn’t have any clue what to do without him- or, or had he been compelling you…?

I wouldn’t. He whispered into your mind. Quiet. Soothing.

You suppressed the need to retch, settle for a cold shiver down your spine and the world tilting on its axis, spinning uncomfortably as he settled you into the copilot’s seat. Though you survived take off and breaking free of M’haeli’s atmosphere, the shuddering of the command shuttle was nothing next to the openness of Kylo’s mind.

Because he wanted nothing more than to hold your hand, to gather you into his arms and guide you, to explain everything you needed to know- everything you needed.

It’s hard. He didn’t even look to you, stared unseeingly through the transparisteel. You’ll get better.

Better. Was this your fate now? You swallowed down tears, turned the purple stone in your hand.

I know you will.

[joehertler]

30 Modern Horror Movies For Your Spooking Pleasure (Updated for 2018)

Dearest Friends and Fellow Rainbow Seekers,

as you may know, I am rather obsessed with horror movies. Over my lifetime, I have submitted myself to thousands of hours of horror cinema, but such extended exposure has come at a cost. It is true that I sometimes lose sleep over the fear of grinning demons sitting at the foot of my bed, or perhaps finding the bloated corpse of a drowned girl crying in my closet. But dark thoughts, as such, are typical to those who willfully endure the macabre. As a horror fan, nothing is more terrifying—or more gratifying—than clammering your way through the black swamp of terrible movies in search of the diamonds in the rough.

I have done the work for you, dear reader. I have hunted through hundreds of faux haunts and I have identified those that are genuine. And if you’re willing, I would be honored to serve as your guide through this realm of dark cinema. A concise list lies below, consisting both of films widely recognized, and lesser-known cult classics. They are united only by their modernity and their overall awesomeness. This is a list of films to be watched by all fans of cinema. So I urge you, dear reader, to call your significant other (or the one you desire to be your significant other). Then, put on your favorite onesie, and get ready for spookiness!  Because the night is dark and full of terror—and you deserve to be spooked by those films most worthy of spooking!

The Babadook - 2014 [TRAILER]

This might be my favorite on the entire list, so I'm gonna stick it right here at the top. But really, if there's one movie on this list that you should watch, it's the Babadook. Sure, you might have to suspend your disbelief on a few occasions, but it's totally worth it. It seems so rare that horror movies transcend their linear plots into something deeper, but the Babadook succeeds to descend to wonderfully cerebral depths. Without spoiling too much, the plot centers around a mother, grieving the loss of her husband, and her ADHD trouble-child, who come across a creepy kids’ book. An emotional and psychological haunting ensues that dares viewers to venture into the realms of depression and mania.

Let the Right One In - 2008 [TRAILER]

I've been bored of Vampires since Harry Potter, but this little charmer bit me right in the jugular. The plot centers around a boy who befriends a young female vampire—and yes, for you vampire loving people out there, it does get kind of romancy (in that innocent kid way). Apart from the totally on-point acting, the film maintains an oddly delicate balance of emotional tenderness and intimacy to total blood-chugging brutality. It is easily the best vampire movie to date, and if Swedish subs aren't your thing, there's an American version, Let Me In, that is equally as good.

It Follows - 2015 [TRAILER]

With one of the most original plots I've ever experienced in a horror movie, It Follows is being touted as one of the best movies of 2015. It's a film best left to experience without outside influence, but I can say that this film will be well enjoyed by those who appreciate speculation, interpretation, and subplots involving the exchange of STDs. It follows tread along a straight forward plot, but contains a wonderful amount of depth to sift through afterward. The film also has top-notch acting and is beautifully shot (much of it shot in Detroit). Make sure you see it with a few friends so you can talk about it afterward!

The Orphanage - 2007 [TRAILER]

I love me a sad, creepy ghost story, and there's something even better about them when they involve dead children. Like many of the films on my list, The Orphanage, produced by Guillermo Del Toro, has just that. But in all seriousness, this film has a wonderfully emotional story that’s rarely found in the horror genre. It's a well-known classic amid fans of the horror genre, a film that masterfully builds writhing tension to evoke its scares.

Lake Mungo - 2008 [TRAILER]

Lake Mungo offers a long-winded but mature examination of loss and grief. Its presentation is almost dreamlike, with a plot that focuses on the horrors experienced by a family after the drowning of their daughter. Lake Mungo exceeds as a film in the way that it relentlessly builds upon a wrenching sense of dread. Made with a tiny budget, but supported by solid acting, this film is surprisingly believable and captures the vulnerability, isolation, and confusion experienced after the unexpected death of a loved one. Simply put, this movie is completely terrifying, yet contains almost no cheap scares. It's a 100% unrelenting, slow-roast dread that doesn't let up until well after the credits.

REC - 2007 [TRAILER]

The original REC is a deliberately fast-paced film that sandwiches its doomed characters between compounding layers of dread, resulting in of one of the best modern horror films in years. The pseudo-zombie plot derails right from the get-go, and later smashes into the supernatural for a terrifying climax. But the disgusting monster at the end? That takes the cake for one of nastiest creepers ever to make it into cinema.

The Curse (Noroi) - 2005 [TRAILER]

There is a goldmine of Eastern horror out there, and the Curse represents the genre as one of the best. It's a Japanese, low budget, faux documentary, that—amid scenes of complete ridiculousness—manages to be completely and dreadfully effective. Noroi presents an engrossing, slow-burn mystery that carefully leaks the details of an ancient demon-curse. If you're interested in venturing into classic eastern horror, definitely check this one out.

Kill List - 2011 [TRAILER]

In some ways, Kill List tries to be a deep character study (and I'd say for the first 45 minutes, this might hold true), but then it’s quickly upstaged by an eerie crime drama, which later transforms into a totally effed cult-terror-gore-fest. Somehow, it all seems to work together, leaving you with a disturbing, yet surprisingly thought-provoking mess to discuss with your friends. This is a film to be viewed with others, and I highly recommend it for those who love cults, mysteries, and gore.

28 Days Later - 2002 [TRAILER]

While I wanted to avoid the obvious choices for this list, I couldn't leave out 28 Days Later, because...Well, it's just too good to ignore. With fast zombies, sympathetic characters, and incredible production, Danny Boyle has created one of the best pieces of apocalyptic horror ever made. You’ve probably already seen it, so you might as well see it again.

The Descent - 2005 [TRAILER]

The Descent stars six women, all part of an extreme adventure club, who decide to explore the creepiest cave in the entire world. In this cave, of course, dwell terrible, fanged, amphibious slime creatures who have an affinity for jump scares and standing directly behind the backs of the characters...but the real horror of this movie is the cave. The movie absolutely excels in conveying intense desperation and suffocating claustrophobia. Despite solid reviews, I had low hopes for this movie, but ended up really enjoying it. Highly recommended.

Cabin in the Woods - 2012 [TRAILER]

Horror fans tout Cabin in the Woods as a modern classic. Is it particularly scary? No. But it does provide an ample serving of self-aware humor and cliche-bending twists. I don't care much for self-aware horror movies, but Cabin in the Woods does it right, offering one of the best works of pop culture entertainment that the horror genre has ever seen.

Suicide Club - 2002 [TRAILER]

With an opening scene of 50+ Japanese schoolgirls jumping in front of a train, I can confidently say that Suicide Club is one of the most hardcore horror movies of all time. The movie follows a wave of unexplained suicides and slowly pieces together a rather nebulous mystery. Answers, however, are few and far between, and I am still not sure if I actually like this movie. But for anyone who is looking for something a little bit darker, this is for you.

Battle Royale - 2000 [TRAILER]

Before the Hunger Games, there was Battle Royale, which happens to be set in a  similar dystopian universe, wrought with unemployment, crime, and malcontent. Each year, a randomly selected 9th grade class of Japanese, khaki-donning schoolchildren are outfitted with exploding shock collars and given an assortment of weapons. They are then forced to hunt each other down until there is only one left. Long story short, it's the hunger games with an R rating, and if I am not mistaken, this controversial child-massacre-gore fest was banned for a time. But for real, this movie rules, topping its big-budget, modern successor with tons of style, as well as a healthy dose of dark, humorous cynicism. If you felt that the Hunger Games didn’t have enough teen gore, then this movie is for you.

The Devil’s Backbone - 2001 [TRAILER]

A haunting allegory of the Spanish Civil War, Guillermo Del Toro's film presents a chilling school house ghost story that stands as a masterfully produced piece of cinema. It's heavily atmospheric, emotionally fraught, and above all else, spooky. This fable is one of Del Toro's best and is a must watch on this list.

Creep - 2015 [TRAILER]

Laced in dry humor, Creep is another slow burner that masterfully builds upon a foundation of discomfort and creeping uneasiness that relies little on jump scares (although, it does not forgo them). The two fold script prompts some of the best acting on this list - and rumors state that much of it was improvised. Creep is proof that you don't need to have a big budget with CGI jump scares to make a compelling horror movie. Did I mention that it's available for Netflix streaming, too?

Gerald's Game (89% RT) [TRAILER]

The plot begins with a dude named Gerald, who, with his wife, depart to an ocean side cabin for a sexy-time retreat. Except their sexy time, in typical Stephen King fashion, goes horribly wrong. Next thing you know, Gerald is being eaten by a dog and she's handcuffed to the bed and then the boogieman starts to come out at night. Hopefully I didn't just ruin the movie for you, but for real, it gets really good - and the boogieman is one of the best horror spooks I've seen in a long time. The wife, Carla Gugino, gives nothing short of a stellar performance, too.

The Witch (91% RT) [TRAILER]

The Witch centers itself around a (Puritan?) family who is banished to the outskirts of the New England wilderness in the 1600s (where an ancient and foreboding evil lurks). Shortly after, the crops die, people get possessed, someone's nipple is eaten by a demon crow, and Satan appears as the family goat, named "Black Philip." Despite what I just said, the Witch bares little, but what it does reveal is absolutely brutal. But the real horror is not what hides in the woods, but rather the evil that makes its way inside of the characters. Overall, it's an exceptionally well made period piece that will marinade you in dread... and thus the Witch is one of my favorite horror movies of all time.

Under the Shadow (99%) [TRAILER]

Under the Shadow is an art house masterpiece that serves as one of the greatest horror movies ever made, yet it is mostly unknown outside of horror circles. The movie is about an Iranian mother and daughter, living in a bombed out Tehran in the middle of the Iran-Iraq war. Her Husband, a doctor, is drafted to serve at the war front and they are left behind when an undetonated missile comes crashing into their apartment building (followed by a superstitious neighbor spouting about how the missile brought with it a middle eastern demon, or Djinn). Things start to get creepy when random items being to go missing, the daughter's behavior becomes increasingly erratic, and the Mother is plagued by horrible nightmares. But most unnerving of all is the isolation and desperation of a mother and daughter trapped in urban chaos.

IT (86% RT) [TRAILER]

An ancient, child devouring evil lurks under the town of Derry, Maine, who manifests itself physically as the apex of one's fears. Over the centuries, It has developed a taste for children (whose fears are easier to conceptualize, apparently), and thus It's preferred manifestation is that of a google-eyed, drooling, and mildly pedaphilic clown named Pennywise. Without drenching this write-up with my slobbering love for this movie, please know that the director and actors absolutely nailed it. The book presents 1200+ pages of historical world building with time-jumping plot lines - and the movie does an amazing job portraying the phantasmagoric and fantastical, yet demon-beleaguered town of Derry. Director, Andres Muschietti and co. deserve every penny of the 300 million dollars it has grossed since release.

It Comes at Night (89% RT) [TRAILER]

It Comes at Night is a psychological slow-burner, relying on the fears of the unknown, of mistrust, and of post-apocalyptic desperation. The plot revolves around the plight of a family, isolated and hidden, in their forest home as an undefined and unnatural blight ravages the outside world. One day, another destitute family comes stumbling into their home, who are cautiously taken in. Paranoia and mistrust slowly begin to boil between the two families, awakening an evil greater than the zombie-esque disease they seek to hide from. It's an unnervingly fantastic film that will stick with you long after viewing.

Get Out (99%) [TRAILER]

You can't have a “best of horror” list without mentioning "Get Out." The plot, which involves a bi-racial couple making a visit to the girlfriend's (white) parent's house, is both sharp and nimble in its often satirical portrayal of racial tension. The over-the-top plot initially focuses on a particularly awkward form of racial envy, which quickly derails into something much more sadistic - all the while tinged with director Jordan Peele's trademark humor. It is a movie that gives hope to the genre and has absolutely cemented itself as one of the best horror flicks ever made.

Train the Busan (95%) [TRAILER]

A father and daughter find themselves fleeing through the countryside (via train) amidst a zombie apocalypse. It's predictable, gory, and over-the-top, but in our cinematic world, over-peppered with every kind of zombie flick conceivable, Train to Busan still explores nuances amidst its campy and relentless action. Simply put, "Train to Busan" is a well-made and exceptionally entertaining film that still offers a dose of originality from within its South Korean setting. Just try not to take it too seriously.

The Wailing (99%) [TRAILER]

In a quiet south Korean village, a strange visitor appears, and soon after people start violently killing each other. In a panicked desperation, the police consult the occult to aid in solving the mythical blight that threats to spread beyond the village's outskirts. The Wailing is best enjoyed without knowing too much, but this phantasmagoric and gritty film is a cemented gem of Korean horror. It has some flaws and is exceptionally long, but the exploration of creepy eastern cult-mythology makes it well worth the trek.

The Banshee Chapter (75% RT) [TRAILER]

A man goes missing after consuming some CIA branded psychedelic research chemicals - and his friend decides (with the help of a gonzo-inspired journalist) that she’s going to track him down.  They acquire the aforementioned chemicals and proceed to smoke them, which apparently allows an evil deity to invade their lives (this particular deity takes the spooky meter and sends it to level 10). The plot is, admittedly, pretty lame, but if you can embrace the campiness, you'll find the movie is legitimately terrifying. I was prepared for a b-movie cheese fest, but for real, this movie is exceptionally spooky.

Hell House (76%) [TRAILER]

A malfunction occurs in an Halloween attraction set on the site of a hotel with a nefarious past, causing the death of 15 people. A half decade later, a documentary crew decides to investigate the tragedy and end up acquiring some tapes of the incident. It's a bit cheesy, but the plot and the acting are pretty damn good for a straight-to-VOD, found footage B-movie. Most importantly, though, is that "Hell House" is extraordinary creepy; completely worth watching for the thrill of horror.

Hereditary (89% RT) [TRAILER]

Cemented by Toni Collette’s wonderful performance, Hereditary is easily the best horror movie of 2018. The movie presents one menacing sucker punch after another as it rips apart the ground beneath the security of home. Both devastating and anything-but-subtle, Hereditary is recommended to those who like ancient demons, candle lit seances, and the occult.

A Quiet Place (95% RT) [TRAILER]

A Quiet Place’s plot, both affecting and inventive, throbs with (at times) agonizing, hold-your-breath tension. At the core you will find a family of four, struggling to survive in a world inhabited by invasive, sound-sensitive creatures who would prefer the extinction of humans. John Krasinski serves as both director and acting lead, which is good news for those of us who could care less for the recent stream of superfluous action movies he’s been producing.

A Dark Song (91% RT) [TRAILER]

Brooding and methodical, A Dark Song is set-piece pagan horror at its finest. It features only two characters: A mother in mourning and an arrogant occultist whom she seeks the aid of. The duo lock themselves in an old mansion to enact a lengthy and risky ritual, one that (ideally) results in a wish being granted. The acting is both fantastic and believable as the characters, in typical horror movie fashion, make mistakes that send them into a descent of madness. It’s witchcraft-gone-wrong; a slow burner with the relentless dread and chaos of a waking nightmare. This is one of my all time favorite indie horror movies. Highly recommended. 

1922 (89% RT) [TRAILER]

Unreliably narrated via the confession of a father who murders his wife (and who also ropes his hesitant son into the act), 1922 is a brooding tale of a man driven to madness by way of guilt. There are no jump scares to be found, as the movie favors the father’s slow-rot suffering and his futile and increasingly desperate attempts to bury his festering guilt. Psychological horror at its finest, this King adaptation is another excellent addition to Netflix’s diverse and original collection of horror movies. The Ritual (71%) [TRAILER]

While imperfect at best, this B-movie, set in northern Sweden, provides an interesting set (creepy, frost-dusted hinterlands) inhabited by four bros and an imaginative monster who’d prefer they were hiking somewhere else. Ankles are sprained and tempers swell as the friends become increasingly lost amidst a forest of their misjudgment. This movie is the definition of “pretty decent” with enough substance to hopefully see you through to the “less than decent” finale. 

[holdon-a-minute]

As Time Repeats

Chapter I

A New World

*Present Day*

Shuffling feet, deep laughs, screeching brakes, choirs of songbird, pieces of conversation...each adding to create the loud bustle that loafs through the street. Listening. She slowly raises her eyelids, to only be greeted by the soft morning sun welcoming each body with its warmth.

Shining smiles, trees of chartreuse, paves of stone grey, breeze-caught hair...all merging together to paint one picturesque scene. Watching. She rests back onto the wooden public bench, controlled deep breaths escaping through her button nose.

Mature parfum, strong mowed grass, golden-baked delicacies, polluting fumes, freshly ground coffee beans...scents of good and bad are to be known everywhere you turn. Inhaling.

Now comes feel.

"Ugh..." Renae lets out an exasperated breath in defeat, sitting her elbows on her spread knees and burying her face deep in her dry palms. She tightly traps her airways, holding her breath as the tears threaten to spill from her eyes once again, before she stops herself and forces the words off her tongue, "I do not want to feel this way." She may not be happy now, she thinks to herself, but this is the start of a new beginning. And at new beginnings there is always hope. "Be optimistic..!" she whispers to herself, but Renae knows better than anyone that it's hardest to keep up with your new start when you didn't even want it in the first place.

Standing from the bench, she turns her judging eyes away from the classy lady who had tried to sit down beside her, and soppily strolls down the direction of her destination. Renae pushes herself past—fitted in her signature style of a soft fabric zip-hoodie and a dark leather jacket layered on top—determined to get through the swarm of bodies and make it back to her quiet house quickly. She wanders through Paris as if she's known it all her life now; the street of shops damp and dewy. Wind whistles through her raw ears as they heed the leftover rain that pitter-patters through gutters, down drain pipes and into the city grids.

The screeching, beeping of a pedestrian crossing makes a deafening echo as Renae and a huddle of rushing people cross the cobbled road, instantly zooming her back into focus of reality. Walking through the avenues of France you can smell dozens of different scents everywhere and anywhere. But Renae's favourite of all, she's come to realise, is the trace of a gingerbread man that runs past her. Every time, he calls out, and every time she ends up chasing him to Mr Baker's Bakery. Mmm, the bakery. This is where the baker she's come to know torments everybody with his luscious pies and pastries sitting on display in the window. And when he opens his huge oven door every day, religiously at 10:30, the whole road is filled with the most sensational smell of freshly baked bread rolls.

When her leg starts to vibrate, she reaches into her pocket and answers the person calling, "Hello."

"Ren, how come you're not home yet? You're going to be late."

"I'm on my way now Alice, and I've got half an hour yet. That's plenty of time to get ready."

"Well have you had any lunch yet? You can't go on an empty stomach your nerves will get the better of you."

Renae chuckles, "I'm not that nervous Al, I'll just eat an apple or something on the way there."

"An apple? Alright then, whatever suits you, I'm not going to argue with you on this important day now am I?"

"No, and I shouldn't think so," she teases as a smile plays at her lips and Renae rounds the corner. "Right, I'm round the corner now I'll be two minutes."

"Okay hun, see you in a minute. Bye."

"Bye!"

Renae was now in the neighborhood, the rush of the street of shops (as Renae and Alice call it) now gone, giving way to the open and tranquility of her housing estate. She loves her short over-the-phone conversations with Alice. They always play quite amusingly, and never fail to reveal their bond of trust, love and laughs.

She swings into the hallway of her home, and is almost immediately greeted with a "Hello!" coming from another unlocated room of the two-bed house, as usual. She shouts back a 'Hi!" and rushes upstairs, dodging another of her Aunty Alice's extremely energetic speeches that are supposed to be the best motivator out there. She changes into something a bit more formal, touching up her makeup as she passes the standing mirror, fills her faux leather bag with almost everything from her desk (just in case), picks up an apple and heads back out onto the street, where her taxi is conveniently waiting.

"Good luck!" Alice wails as she watches her niece drive straight into the fate of adulthood.

~~~~

*Ding-a-ling*

Renae steps through the old brown door and enters the café she hopes to call a workplace sometime soon. The space is fairly large considering its compact look from the outside, and it is so beautiful—everything the young photographer in the corner would need for his aesthetically pleasing Instagram page. She lets the soft, welcoming atmosphere envelop her whole as she strolls deeper into the intricate café, the warmth of brewing tea, the fresh scent of lavender, the ancient bookcase lining the wall, the smokey smell of lit candles, the dark brown wooden furniture, all making Renae feel as cozy as you can be in a Paris café. The building has an aged, withering feel, but the dozens of lush green plants dangling from ceiling to floor brought the life back into the room quickly; the pop of bright emerald managing to spark the creativity into any person who might pass through.

She finds her way to the counter, and politely addresses the waitress. "Hi, I'm here for a job interview with the owner. My name's Renae Cruzette, I rang a few days ago."

"Oh chéri, that would be me," the woman speaks in perfect English, but with a French roll to her tongue, "Come with me and we'll have a seat. Would you like some tea?"

"Green tea would be nice, thanks," Renae replies and finds a small round table for two to sit down.

"I'm Clemence Rosher—founder, owner—of this place, as you will already know."

Renae smiles and does a little laugh, "It's nice to meet you Clemence." The two shake hands as the bleach-blonde woman passes Renae a steaming mug of green tea, the teabag still left in of course.

"Yes and you are Renae Cruzette, you said?"

"Mhm." Renae was waiting for the traffic of questions to come along and preparing herself not to get stuck or lost in them, but they never did, and she finds herself feeling utterly relaxed with the welcoming woman before her.

"So, let's get down to business yes? Why are you here today?"

"I'm looking for a first job actually, and when I heard you were hiring it seemed perfect, because I don't live too far from here and I love baking every now and then, as well as being creative with coffee art. I'm quite the artistic person, you see."

"Good good. That's what I like to hear," Clemence looks into Renae's eyes and gives a shining bright smile, "So are you willing to give your all into this job? I need someone new, someone fresh who will put a part of their soul into my café. I need perseverance, a respectful and capable person. Why would I choose you?"

"I am all of those things and more Miss."

"Madame," she interrupts.

"Right, sorry Madame."

"Who always comes first in my business?"

"The customer does, always!" Renae eagerly answers after not understanding the question for a few seconds.

"Are you good with mathematics? Can you quickly count change?"

"Yes, I graded a nine in my GCSE when I lived in England."

"In England you say? I thought you had a different accent chéri!"

"Yeah I just recently moved here actually."

"Tell me a bit about that then. Why did you move, are you here permanently?" Clemence curiously asks.

"I think I'll be staying here for a good few years now until I have the money to move out and go back to Britain. I've always lived with my Aunty, ever since I was a baby. My parents have never been around, I don't even remember my mother's face, but my Aunty Alice got a promotion, so we had to move here."

"Oh chéri that must be terrible for you, not even knowing your parents!"

"It's fine really! I love Alice so much, she's always been there for me and I respect her with all my heart for deciding to take me in, but she never took the opportunity to become my mother. She's always been my aunty and kept the truth at bay about my parents."

"I see, so is she your true biological aunt then?"

"Yes! She's my father's sister."

"Oh she must be so very brave then, I admire her strength taking in just a child!"

"I do too. You know she is French as well, so it was a delight to her when the company said she'd be moving to their Paris branch. She took me in when she was just eighteen, and we both went to England so she could finish university. It was very stressful for her, and I am so greatful for her determination to not only provide a steady life for herself, but for a child that wasn't even her own too!"

*Snap*

"Yes she sounds like an amazing woman! So how old are you now then?"

"Seventeen."

*Snap*  The photographer guy's camera clicks away

"When would you be willing to start? I'd have to give you some training first of course, but it'd be nothing major."

"As soon as possible Clemence!"

"Okay then how about I give you a call next Monday when I'm ready for you to come down? I have meetings and all sorts until then."

*Snap*

*Snap*

"Perfect, thank you so much!"

"Oh no worries, I have great expectations of you," and she give Renae a wink as they stand and part ways, Renae not knowing yet that it'd be the last time she speaks to the friendly woman who owns a café.

*Snap*

~~~~

Five days later.

"Alice, she still hasn't rang me after three days!" Renae bursts as she storms into the kitchen. A series of transparent patio doors line the back wall of the completely white kitchen, the only colour of the room being the numbers of herbs scattered along the windowsills and the grey laminate flooring below. It reminds Renae of a hospital, and she would very much like to hand some paintings on the walls and colourful flowers, nevertheless it's still comfortable to be in when you've got Alice as company.

"She probably just forgot, don't stress," Alice reassures her.

"I saw her write it in her diary! And she definitely said that she was going to employ me. It's getting ridiculous! Even if she did change her mind about me, a little text to apologise wouldn't hurt!"

"I know, she shouldn't have left you hanging like that, that is very unprofessional," Alice speaks in such a wise, calming manner.

"I really would've liked that job as well," she says saddened now, "It would've met all my needs of a simple first job, but one that I would still enjoy and be easy to settle into."

"I know Ren, but you can't just sit here sulking about it, why don't you go back there and see what's going on with this woman—for your own sake at least."

"What if I make it more awkward though?"

"You won't. You're only going to politely ask when you're going to be set for some training, because you've got other things you need to attend and you can't keep having it delayed or being left in the dark."

"I suppose..."

"Come on, it's not fair on you that she's done this, so go and change out of that old hoodie and get down there standing loud and proud!"

"Okay, thanks Al," and Renae gives her understanding Aunty a bear hug, then rushes upstairs to prepare herself to face Clemence again.

~~~~

The moment she steps out of the front door, an ear-splitting ring starts to sound in Renae's earlobes and an eye-aching migraine begins to crawl into her mind. She should just brush it off, but not matter how hard she tries, Renae just can't shake the bad feeling that drops to the pit of her stomach and the butterflies that flutter up and get lodged in her throat. Renae steadies herself on the doorway for a second, closing her eyes to ease the pounding in her head. She takes a shaky breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, and pushes aside this feeling, ready to take on her plan of action.

Her taxi ride seems to drag on for hours in the stuffy, cramped backseat, the breeze of the day barely noticeable even with the car windows all open. The heat is almost unbearable. Renae can't understand if it's anxiety (which she's never experienced before), or an illness she's suddenly caught that's making her feel this way, but something isn't sitting right in her flesh and bones. Due to the long, unmoving queue of vehicles, Renae decides to just pay the taxi driver now and walk down the rest of the way where café stood stunningly at the end of the road.

She looks about her to see that everyone is busy trying to get to places, and as she strolls further down the street she notices that she's come to a hidden alleyway, "Millbreury Lane, hm." Given her situation and the want to avoid it completely, Renae roams down the alleyway of tall, old-fashioned buildings taking her time to observe her exquisite surroundings.

Right along the bottom of the attached buildings are stores, and they are magnificent to the eye: cafés sit with intricate metal tables and chairs outside; hanging baskets spread throughout are filled with the most colourful, delicate flowers; antique shops showcase their treasures in the wide window each store possesses; and the cobbled floor beneath glows and sparkles as the afternoon sun shines down on the moist puddles and excess rain.

*Chuchak*

Renae stands still. So impossibly still.

The beautiful antique alleyway seems to disappear around her in slow motion as Renae is sucked back into reality and her eyes are met with metal.

Thick, cold, silver-grey metal.

Pointed at her forehead, in-between her eyes, is a slick handgun. For a while she cannot see the person whose hand is slid around the trigger, nor the group of men accompanying them. For a while, it was just her and the weapon, playing a dangerous game in a little world of their own—the opponent not even alive but still taking the lead and winning the girl over completely. She cannot break her eyes away from the metal in front of her, and the hand-held violence cannot take its eyes off Renae.

She feels frozen in her place, barely able to breathe, as the gun wielder speaks, "Oh chéri," before smacking Renae over the side of her head with the loaded gun.

All soon went black.

[livingcorner]

How to Grow Your Own Tomatoes, Part 2: Transplanting

You’ve sowed your tomato seeds, and now the seedlings stand like little green soldiers in your window, patiently waiting to be liberated from their pots and plunked into a warm bed of earth. What they don’t realize is that conditions are harsh in the outside world. Between desiccating winds, the heat of the sun, and armies of bugs and diseases that may be waiting in ambush, there is much that can go wrong for a young tomato plant. To help them along, there are two things you need to do before you transplant your seedlings: Prepare the soil and something gardeners call hardening off.

Hardening Off

“Hardening off” tomato seedlings means gradually introducing them to the outdoors. This should happen over a 10-day period. Acclimating tomato seedlings to outdoor conditions is a bit like helping your child adjust to kindergarten – it takes plenty of patience and hand-holding.

You're reading: How to Grow Your Own Tomatoes, Part 2: Transplanting

Read more: 5 Early Spring Veggies You Can Plant Now | Smart Pot Blog

Find a sheltered place outside where the seedlings can sit in filtered sunlight, out of the wind. One option is to string a shade cloth overhead and on the windward side.

Take your tomato seedlings outside and leave them in this protected place for a few hours on day one.

Bring them back inside.

On day two, leave them outdoors for a little longer.

Continue taking them back and forth each day, leaving them out a little longer each time and slowly increasing their sun exposure by inching them out of the shade.

After five or six days of going back and forth, leave the seedlings out overnight for the remaining four or five days. Keep an eye on the weather and bring them in if there is any danger of frost.

Soil Preparation

The warmer the soil is, the faster they will grow. And because heavy, waterlogged soil covered in weeds or cover crops is slow to warm up in spring, it’s helpful to prepare tomato beds a week or more before transplanting. Day one of the hardening-off period is a good time to start preparing the soil. Tomatoes prefer a location with 8 hours or more of direct sunlight and rich, well-drained soil.

Using a Rototiller or a digging fork, loosen the soil to a depth of at least 8 inches.

Spread 2 or 3 inches of compost over the surface and thoroughly mix it into the soil.

Using a hard metal rake, sculpt the loose soil into a low broad mound no more than 4 feet wide.

Transplanting

Tomatoes are ready for transplanting into the garden when the seedlings are 3 to 4 inches tall, and the nighttime temperatures are consistently above 50 degrees. Consult a biodynamic calendar or farmer’s almanac to time your planting according to the optimal alignment of the moon and other celestial bodies – or just plant them when you have the time.

Dig a hole in the middle of your tomato bed that is at least a few inches deeper than the depth of the pot the seedlings are in. Check the seed package for the recommended spacing between seedlings for each variety you are planting. Spacing is based on the mature size of the plant and may range from 30 to 60 inches (avoid the temptation to plant the tiny seedlings closer together – overcrowding can contribute to the spread of diseases).

Remove each seedling from its container and loosen the roots very gently.

Plant the seedlings deep with only the topmost leaves aboveground. This technique is a death knell for some plants, but it helps tomatoes in many ways, improving drought tolerance, root establishment and wind resistance.

Tamp the soil firmly around the seedlings with your hands and then give them their first watering.

Tips

A lot can go awry in the short life of a tomato plant, so take a few extra steps to give your seedlings the best chance for success:

Read more: Mulching Veggie Beds – How And When To Add Mulch In Vegetable Gardens

Tomatoes need slightly acidic soil conditions (a pH between 6 and 6.8 is ideal). You can test your soil pH with a kit available at most garden centers, though your local cooperative extension office likely offers the service for a small fee, too. Excessively acidic soil is remedied by adding lime; alkaline soil requires sulfur to lower the pH. It takes a few months to adjust the pH, so the fall before planting is the best time to add these amendments.

A long list of soil-borne pathogens prey on tomato plants, so it’s best to avoid planting them in the same part of the garden for too many years in a row. If last year was a bad year for blights or other tomato diseases, this year is a good time to move them to a different area.

After preparing beds for tomatoes, covering the soil with black plastic for a few weeks prior to planting is one way to get it warm. The air temperature may be above 50 degrees at night, but the soil is always colder. Black plastic absorbs the heat of the sun during the day and transfers it to the soil so it’s toasty once the seedlings go in. In cool climates with a short growing season, you can leave the plastic for the first few weeks after planting, putting the seedlings in the ground via a small slit.

A healthy dressing of compost at planting time is a must for tomatoes, but adding some fertilizer ensures they get off to a strong start. One method is to dig a trench down the middle of the bed, a couple inches below the depth where the roots will be planted, and spread a band of fertilizer for them to grow into. A bone meal-based fertilizer, which is high in phosphorus, is best for root establishment. A few weeks after planting, a fertilizer with a higher nitrogen content (such as those with blood meal, fish emulsion, or bat guano) can be applied on the surface of the beds to support lush vegetative growth.

Water your seedlings whenever the soil dries out an inch or two below the surface, which may be daily if a heat wave comes early. After three or four weeks of growth, mulch the beds with a thick layer of straw to conserve moisture and keep the weeds down.

Join us again in early June for part three of this series, where we learn the different options for staking, training and pruning tomatoes to keep them tidy, healthy and productive.

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/how-to-grow-your-own-tomatoes-part-2-transplanting/