#but probably still absurdly fast and would be very annoying if you tried to read with him
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frankiebirds · 1 year ago
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LOOK AT THEM READING TOGETHER,,,i can hear them bickering already. jj constantly telling reid she wasnt done and him bitching before turning the page back. the reason theyre making the faces they are is because reid has read this page five times already and jj has told him a thousand times to wait until she says she's done before turning the page but he doesn't LISTEN!!!
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randomwankystuff · 5 years ago
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Confession: Deku Annoys Me
Disclaimer: I’m not entirely caught up on BNHA - I read the manga/wiki pretty much at random. 
I can’t stand how obnoxiously perfect Deku is. He was presented as this underdog protagonist but hasn’t been since episode 1. And I don’t just mean his quirk - OFA is powerful, but All Might doesn’t have the same Gary Stu problems Deku has. My problem with Deku isn’t that he’s too physically powerful, but that he plays too many roles in class 1-A. Right now he’s:
1. A physical powerhouse. Only Todoroki, Bakugo, and nighttime Tokoyami can even compete.
2. Probably the fastest student. Full cowl 8% was already about as fast as Gran Torino, and Iida hasn’t been useful for several arcs...
3. The best strategist. Even though Yaomomo is canonically a genius, and Iida and Bakugou are more booksmart, most of the time it’s Midoriya that comes up with a brilliant yet simple plan to save everyone’s asses. Yaomomo only really seems to be relevant when she’s in school, taking a test. Midoriya had the best actually useful plans during the U.S.J. incident, Kamino, etc. 
4. The most effortlessly selfless. (I mean, this goes without saying, this is pretty much his defining character trait.)
5. The best leader. His classmates voted for him at the beginning of their first year, and pretty much everyone except Bakugou defers to him without hesitation in sticky situations.
6. The hardest worker. He’s always training, always trying to improve. Remember the air chair exercise in Season 1? Casually just squatting throughout the entire class. Everyone was in absolute awe.
7. The most inspirational. Everyone looks up to him, from Aoyama to Kota. Aizawa notes he and Bakugo are the pillars of 1-A.
8. The most social. Yeah he’s presented as an awkward nerd, but he makes friends in two seconds flat with everyone. He’s charmed his way into friendships with Aoyama and Todoroki. Eri absolutely adores him. He’s always sweet, thoughtful, likable. 
9. He’s even good looking. Ochako and Toga have crushes on him, and his art is designed to be pleasant to the eye. 
Although BNHA tries to pretend Deku has flaws, he actually doesn’t, because they’ve never had any real life consequences. 
“He’s insecure.” Well, his insecurity rarely hurts him. He was always committed to pursuing his dreams as a hero. He doesn’t lash out at others when he feels unworthy. When death is hammering at the door, he magically summons the confidence not just to act, but even to command and to inspire others. In real life, insecurity is often much more debilitating. Insecurity in real life often means you don’t even try because you believe you’ll fail, you get uncomfortable or temperamental around people who make you feel less than, and you don’t magically get a confidence boost when it’s convenient. Yaomomo’s arc is much more compelling than Deku’s when it comes to overcoming insecurity because, unlike Deku, her insecurity actually holds her back. 
“He’s an awkward nerd.” That hurt him when he was a child, hanging out with Bakugo, but since he entered UA, he manages to effortlessly charm everyone he knows, so really, he doesn’t have a significant social handicap. His awkwardness is presented as sincere, endearing, and funny more than anything.
“He’s selfless to a fault.” To what fault? He gets lectured, but he’s always right in the end. His charging into danger without any regard for his own safety has been proven to be the right thing to do several times. He inspired All Might to fight against the sludge monster. He saved Bakugo when he was kidnapped. Yeah, he breaks bones doing selfless things, but this is shonen - temporary pain has very little emotional weight because everyone gets hurt all the time, and then they get healed by magic. He breaks his bones, discovers he has legs, and then goes back to fighting at pretty much full strength. A cool looking scar doesn’t count as a real consequence of his selflessness. Honestly, I’m just waiting for Deku to rush in to save one person even though he’s warned against it, and because of that, the villains are alerted of their presence/he isn’t there to help others when they need them, and several other people die as a result. 
To be clear, none of what I’ve mentioned above is a problem on its own. OFA is obviously an absurdly powerful quirk. Midoriya spent years taking notes on heroes and learning from them. He’s naturally a selfless person - that’s the point of his character. He should be likable, clever, hardworking, and inspirational. But he shouldn’t be the strongest AND fastest AND smartest AND most selfless AND the best leader AND the hardest working AND the most charismatic AND the most social, all while having pretty much zero relevant flaws. It’s absurd. Especially in a place like UA - isn’t it supposed to be one of the two best hero schools in the country?
I know plenty of people who have gone to top tier universities, work at Google, are top ranked athletes, etc. None of them have been anywhere near as perfect as Midoriya. Generally, if you’re the most athletic person in the room, it’s not likely you’re also the smartest. If you’re the most likable, you’re probably not the hardest working. If you’re the most selfless, you’re probably not the leader who gains everyone’s undying loyalty and respect. Perfection almost never happens. You can’t be the best at everything, especially at a place like UA, which is supposed to be the Harvard of the BNHA world. Rather, everyone should shine in certain areas only. For example:
Yaomomo is canonically a genius, and she’s also shown to be meticulous and hardworking. She should be the best strategist of 1-A.
Ojiro made it to UA with just a tail - no fancy, overpowered tricks, just a damn tail. Just think about how hard you have to work to stand on the same level as people who can destroy buildings with a punch, shock a dozen people simultaneously with electricity, and shatter rock with their ears. It’s not even some magical tail, it’s just a damn tail. He has to have worked his ass off to get in incredible shape, think of ways to creatively use his quirk, and learn martial arts. Ojiro should be the hardest worker of 1-A.
Kirishima is easygoing, loving, loyal, and charming. He should be the one befriending Aoyama, earning people’s trust, inspiring children. He should be the most social and charismatic of 1-A. 
Highlighting the abilities and positive traits of these three would be a easy way to get more attention on BNHA’s fantastic cast while also helping Deku grow as a character.
Or, just treat Deku the way BNHA treats All Might. All Might is amazing but he’s far from perfect. He’s not the best strategist - he’s very smart, but he still relied on Nighteye to look out for him. He’s caring and charming, but is shown to be a pretty mediocre teacher. His overwhelming selflessness and his heart-over-head mentality actually had consequences in that it cost him his relationship with Nighteye. His trusting nature and his empathy for the powerless led to conflict and complications when he chose Midoriya over Mirio. His heroic drive wrecked his health, forced him into retirement, and prevented him from saving more people.
Even Mirio, who is probably a Gary Stu, gets arguably better treatment than Deku because, although he’s very powerful, he doesn’t shine academically/strategically the way Deku does, and he also literally loses his quirk as a result of his selflessness. Todoroki and Bakugo both also have plenty of flaws/weaknesses, and suffer for their mistakes all the time.
I still root for Deku, but honestly I continue to follow BNHA mostly for characters like Todoroki, Aizawa, Kirishima, and Yaomomo.
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lunar-years · 6 years ago
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Okay, first of all, please don’t read this if you love Rafael or are pro-Jafael... just don’t do that to yourself. Also, warning for season five spoilers. 
This is essentially an absurdly long rant post because I realized I’ve never fully articulated why I don’t like J*fael, and given the leaks/spoilers of the finale, I really want to just get out all of my thoughts out there about this horrible endgame. So here goes....
There are essentially two reasons I don’t like J*fael, the main one being that while I don’t think Rafael is fundamentally a bad person, I do think he is fundamentally bad for Jane. Neither of them are their best selves when they are together, and this has been shown time and time again on the show. The second reason is that J*fael would never work in the long-term, now in season five for the same reason they didn’t work back in season 1. Rafael as a person is incredibly self-centered, arrogant, and angry. He relies on unhealthy coping mechanisms and shuts people out if things don’t go his way. He needs to work through his own shit before he can be successful in any relationship, let alone one with Jane. 
The biggest problem I have with Rafael individually is that he doesn’t handle conflict maturely, and never has. Obviously he has been through a lot in his life that prevented him from developing healthy ways of coping, but as a grown ass adult that is merely an explanation and not a justification. Rafael never holds himself accountable, and he never gets the help he needs. Unfortunately, the people around him (cough Jane) all enable him in this, coddling him and never calling him out on his bullshit behavior. He’s fine as long as things are going his way, but as soon as he feels his happiness is threatened, he’s a lose cannon. This magnifies and manifests whenever he fears Jane is going to leave him.
His behavior in season five, for example, has been incredibly possessive and toxic. He’s acting like a child whose had his favorite toy taken away from him, instead of being mature enough to see things from Jane’s point-of-view for once. Her husband has come back from the dead, for pete’s sake!! Michael didn't leave, he didn’t run away, he didn’t hurt Jane intentionally in any way. He was taken, tortured, and left unaware of who he even was. His relationship with Jane didn’t come to end on purpose. Yet Rafael acts like Jane is crazy for not wanting to immediately divorce Michael, and kicks her out of their house when she voices her confusion and pain and uncertainty after he gets his memory back. It’s completely irrational on Rafael’s part, who is acting like Jane is an object he has won instead of a person with real emotions going through a very real trauma. Obviously Rafael being hurt by Jane possibly leaving him for Michael again and having his life suddenly turned upside down is all valid. What's irritating is him acting like his emotions and hurt matter more than other people’s. Jane had her husband taken away from her against her will. Meanwhile Michael, frankly, is the only one who has lost literally everything. Yet Rafael doesn’t spare a passing thought about Michael’s trauma but instead immediately diminishes it and appropriates it for himself (i.e. his bullshit “I’ve got my memories back too” stance... which is just so problematic in so many ways but I digress). 
His behavior now that Michael is back also shades his behavior when Michael was “dead.” For someone who supposedly changed so much in the five years after Michael died, and who was there to help Jane through her mourning, Rafael sure reverted back fast to his old ways as soon as the “threat” against him and Jane reemerged. Rafael was fine so long as Michael was dead and no longer taking away from Raf’s personal happiness, but as soon as Michael returns he is back to being a selfish asshole. That doesn’t say much for Rafael’s “helping Jane through her grief” and almost makes it seem like all along it was just something he did just to win her back when he saw an open window for it. Being there for Jane when she was widowed means he knows just how deeply Jane loved Michael and just how long it took for her to heal from that loss. Yet he still acts like it should be easy for Jane to immediately cut Michael out of her life when he reappears. Yikes. 
The other infuriating thing about Rafael is his behavior and treatment towards his family. Rafael treats Louisa like shit. Flat out. He criticizes and judges her for her addictions despite struggling with alcohol reliance himself. He sells her out for his own gains, and he generally treats her with a “holier than thou” attitude that is incredibly irritating to watch and always has been. Then you have Petra and the twins. The scene when Petra calls Rafael out for treating her and their daughters like second class citizens is one of my absolute favorites because it’s so damn true and it’s about time Petra said it!! What’s annoying is that in the seasons since, Rafael has not learned from that confrontation or grown from  it. Whether he and Jane are together or not at any given moment, it is obvious that he will always put Jane and Mateo before Petra and the twins. That's terrible parenting, I'm sorry, but it is. He also plays “good parent” with Mateo all the time, making Jane do all the grunt work of punishing and correcting Mateo’s poor behavior while he excuses Mateo’s bad actions instead of teaching him how to do better (made especially obvious in the last episode...yikes yikes yikes.) 
Then there’s his relationship with Jane. Oh, J*fael. To be clear, I’ve shipped Villadero from the beginning, which probably made me biased about J*fael early on. Still, even when Michael was behaving horribly and the narrative was clearly urging viewers to root for Raf, I could never get behind him. To me, the Jane and Rafael attraction has always seemed so... surface-level. Like, they have a few wet dreams about one another and suddenly, because they’re accidentally having a kid together, they’re both fully invested in the idea of them being soulmates. In reality, Jane and Rafael have like, nothing in common. Seriously, what do these two talk about it? Rafael has proven multiple times that he doesn't respect Jane’s religion, he doesn't make any effort to see things from her less privileged life perspective, and he doesn’t really place any value in anything she values. They are quite possibly the blandest relationship on the show. The only thing they seem to have holding them together is Mateo. And the only thing they seem to do is to constantly have sex. 
My obviously subjective view about their chemistry (or lack thereof) aside, Rafael and Jane simply seem to bring out the worst in one another. When Rafael disagrees with Jane, he gets angry and irrational. He tries to handle disagreements by kicking and screaming, instead of facilitating civilized discussion. Jane, meanwhile, just cowers in front of him and takes it because she’s so “blinded by love.” I’m sorry, what?? After the way Rafael treated Jane last episode, putting their child between them, I do not see any scenario where the strong-willed, independent Jane from season one marries that guy a few months later, though apparently that’s what’s happening (*gag*). Rafael is constantly pressuring her to do things his way instead of actually listening to her and trying to understand her perspective. I will never understand why Jane goes back to Rafael when he continuously treats her in that sort of way. Rafael bases his entire self worth in Jane, yet at the same time he doesn't seem to actually value Jane’s thoughts and feelings. These are not the makings of a healthy relationship. Jane's behavior in season five has also been out of character, with her asking Jason to leave and saying she wished Michael had never come back. While Jane might not be in love with Michael/Jason five years later, especially when he is totally different to who he once was, you cannot make me believe she wouldn’t still love him and want to help him anyway that she could, even if she wants to be with Rafael. And she would definitely be grateful that he gets to live. The poor writing this season truly feels like the writers are simultaneously proving why J*fael doesn’t work and then forcing them together once they’ve already fallen apart.
I truly truly hate the idea that Jane is now going to go back to Rafael, who still hasn’t gotten help for his personal issues, and marry him at the end of this godforsaken season where he's been treating her terribly. For a show that I have always viewed as progressive and unique, this ending is one of the most baseless, fan-service endgames ever. Rafael using Mateo against Jane last episode was the final straw. After that i truly do not see any scenario where Jane would realistically go back to him. Rafael needs to grow up, wise up, and focus a little more on being a good father, friend and brother before I will ever believe that he would make a good husband. 
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madqueenalanna · 8 years ago
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A story, a love story
Pairing: unrequited Grif/Simmons Word count: 1,637 Prompt: from @goodluckdetective: “I want to tell you a story. A love story" "Does it have a happy ending" "They never do" Summary: Set after 15x06. Caboose and Simmons can’t sleep, so Caboose begs Simmons to tell him a story.
It was midnight. Not that Simmons could tell, underwater. His helmet probably had the right time, but he’d had to sync it with Sarge, and Sarge didn’t obey daylight savings time. Stranger still, he didn’t even use military time. But it was darker than usual, and no one else seemed to be awake, and so even if it wasn’t midnight exactly, it meant the same thing: Simmons was alone.
He was no stranger to insomnia. Back in Blood Gulch there had been nothing to do but sleep, really, and he got a perfect four-point-five hours every night. But ever since… well, everything, really… ever since the first time Church died, ever since the word freelancer started to mean something distinct, ever since he’d said goodbye to that ugly red canyon for what he didn’t know was the last time, he’d been consumed by sleepless anxiety. It wasn’t even like he was anxious about any one thing, really. Okay, these alternates reeked of something wrong, and Gene was really getting on his nerves, and they didn’t even have a version of– Well, there were a lot of possibilities, a lot of things that could go wrong. After so many years it was weird to have Wash and Carolina not be close at hand. Vulnerable, almost. Was that it? He was anxious about his anxiety. Dick Simmons was a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the quiet was good. Right? The quiet was definitely a good thing. After years of screaming matches across a baking plain, after the ear-splitting volume of grenades and gunfire and the sound Wash made when he realized Caboose’s attempts at pancakes were stuck to the ceiling, after all day with his helmet giving him a white-noise buffer, being alone in the dark felt not relaxing but wrong. No one snoring in another bunk, no sounds of Oreo packets crinkling, no tinny music escaping from bad headphones. Quiet. Peaceful. Lonely. He sat cross-legged on his bunk, the retirement-atrophied muscles in his back strained from the weight of his metal arm. In armor, the body suit could support the heft of it, but in just sweatpants and a t-shirt, the metal relied on negligible muscles, weak ligaments, and thin freckled skin to keep it attached. Sarge had done a serviceable job making him a cyborg, even if his robot eye had a tendency to go all “blue screen of death” when he was stressed, but his weedy body still hadn’t adjusted to the cold, solid weight of the robotic parts. As usual, he ached in all the parts Grif took something away from him. But, uh, that was just the eye and arm and fourteen feet of small intestine, not… “Simmons?” “Caboose! Christ, you scared me.” A hulking silhouette in one’s doorway was rarely cause for celebration. Caboose, like him, was out of armor, rubbing his arm like he was cold or uncomfortable. “I can’t sleep.” “Me neither,” he admitted. “Church used to tell me stories when I couldn’t sleep.” “No he fucking didn’t.” Church wasn’t usually as much of an asshole as he pretended to be, but he had his limits anyway. “Was it something like ‘once upon a time, you got the fuck out of my room’?” Caboose’s face lit up. “He told you some too!” Simmons sighed. “Just come in and close the door. You’re letting all my self-pity out.” Caboose followed orders and planted himself at the end of Simmons’ bunk, mirroring his cross-legged posture. “I’ll tell you a story. A love story.” “Does it have a happy ending?” “They never do.” He looked down at his fidgeting hands. His left was slim elegant metal, his right boney and freckled with chapped fingertips. How could his hands look the same after so many years? How could he look the same after everything? “Once there was a– a wizard. And the wizard was really good friends with a… knight. They lived in– in a–” “Castle?” Caboose supplied, wide-eyed. “Sure, if you believe the listing agent. And the wizard was the best at– I mean, he was the smartest guy around. Not very good under pressure, but like, why does that matter, y’know? It matters that he’s good at magic! Not how fast he can do it! The knight’s not very good at being a knight. He’s fat and lazy and can’t ride a horse.” “He sounds dumb.” “Thank you! He is! But the wizard is friends with him anyway.” “Why?” “I don’t know. The wizard thinks about that a lot. Like, he figures someday he’ll learn how to use a sword and then he won’t need the knight anymore, and maybe the knight will learn a little magic too and they’d have more in common… but it never seems to happen. He just realizes that– that the time he spends with the knight is better than the time he spends without him.” Caboose nodded very seriously and Simmons wondered if he was thinking about Church. They’d all lost so much but Caboose had taken it harder than just about anyone; not as vocal about it as Carolina or Tucker, but only because he was still a little in denial. After all, he’d said, people who are loved come back. It was a nice thought. “The wizard and the knight go on a lot of adventures together. They fight a bunch of dragons with weird names, they go back in time, they travel through space! They even become friends with some of the dragons.” “That is good. It is good to make friends.” “That’s what the wizard thought too. But the knight… the knight didn’t really want to be friends anymore. They hung out in a, um, a magical… broom closet. And then after that… The wizard wished he could go back in time again.” “Why didn’t he?” “Cause you can’t just go back in time, Caboose. It’s only… sometimes. So you don’t mess anything up.” “He doesn’t sound like a very good wizard.” “He’s not,” he admitted. “Maybe that’s why the knight wanted to leave. Maybe if the wizard was a better wizard, or a better friend… maybe they would have stuck together. But they didn’t stick together. The knight left the kingdom.” He was going to end his shitty story there, but Caboose looked so crestfallen… “But, um, later he came back! With jetpacks! And he and the wizard ruled the kingdom harshly but fairly forever.” There was a moment of silence and Simmons wished he couldn’t hear his own heartbeat in it. “That story was not very good,” Caboose said finally, and Simmons sighed. “But that is okay. You tried to make it good. I liked the dragons.” “Thanks, Caboose. I appreciate that.” In a worse mood, or a better one, he might have complained that someone who could not read or write was critiquing his storytelling, but it was late and he was tired and somehow he felt absurdly bad that he disappointed Caboose. “I do not understand about the knight.” “What’s not to understand? He sucks.” “Exactly! You cannot be a knight if you are not good at things! You have to be good at things to be a knight! You have to follow the code of shimmying.” “Code of… do you mean chivalry?” “Code of Italy.” “Okay, forget it. And sometimes… sometimes people aren’t what they should be,” he said, wondering how best to explain the fragile nature of human sin and greed to someone like Caboose. “Sometimes knights aren’t very nice. Sometimes soldiers are like Sarge! You know?” “I think the knight must still be good,” he said firmly, in his no-argument tone. “I think they would not let him have a sword if he were not good.” Caboose lived in a different world, Simmons reminded himself. But it was a nice world, in a sense, a world that was not concerned about whether or not dragons existed but only wondered how to fight them, or befriend them. If you have a sword, you’re the good guy. God how he wished that were true. “Maybe so,” he conceded. “I’ll keep that in mind when I make up a better story for next time.” Caboose’s eyes shone at the prospect of next time and he kind of regretted saying it already. Only kind of, though. “Okay. Thank you for the story, Simmons. I like the happy ending.” “Me too, Caboose. You should go to bed. We have to get back to looking for Church in the morning.” “Okay! It will be good to see Church again.” “Yeah,” he said, making himself smile. “It will. Good night, Caboose.” “Good night!” When he was gone, it was quiet again, and Simmons could hear the tick-tick of his pulse. He thought a little human contact would be just the thing to cheer him up, and it was nice of Caboose to thank him for his awful story. But he just fixated on that damn happy ending. Why did his shitty wizard get a happy ending? What was he doing wrong? How was it possible that he could do everything right and still get the short end of the stick? And worse– was he even doing anything right? “I miss you,” he mumbled aloud. There was no answer. Of course there wasn’t. Before Chorus, he thought Grif’s insults were the worst thing– his curses, his shrieks, his rage. Before Chorus he would have given anything to get Grif to just shut up for ten seconds. But now it was after, after everything, and it was dark and he was alone and the stony silence was downright oppressive and Grif’s absence was worse than even the most annoying aspects of his presence. He sighed, curled up on his bunk, tried to sleep. At least his shitty wizard got closure. Why didn’t he get even that?
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my-venting-machine-blog1 · 7 years ago
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Let’s get to know you.
Let's play a game together. A role-play kind of thing. I'll give you some 'character traits' and you'll try your best to really channel this person. At the end of this little game I'll ask you a question. If you really channeled the character you'll know the answer by heart. This won't take long, I promise. Probably about 10 Minutes, depending on how fast you read. Are you ready? ...Okay. Let's start:
A quick outline of your appearance: You're an adolescent boy, probably around 18-20. Brown hair, green-brown eyes and absurdly white teeth. Your height is average (1,76m-ish/roughly 5'9), slim figure, slight tan. You got that? Nice.
Now on to your personality: You're funny, you're smart, you're charming. You have cool interests (comics, video games, skating, music... etc.) and you can get very passionate when talking about them. Especially when it comes to comic lore. You're not afraid to share your feelings with people you're close with, you're not even afraid to cry in front of them. You like to help your friends and you expect nothing in return. You're reliable. A good friend. People like you. Awesome! ...
But that's just the surface. Everyone has layers. I won't be Mary Sue-ing you. You ain't one-dimensional and you sure as hell aren't perfect. No one is. We're going to dig deep and try to find the skeletons in your closet. Though we first have to have an idea of your personality. We're going from neutral to bad. The good stuff is mentioned above. You still with me? Then let's continue.
First layer: You're an introvert.
Let me outline your very basic introvert a little: Introverts appear to be shy at first, but that is slightly inaccurate. They just have a hard time socializing, it often drains their energy to a point where they are just exhausted. That's why introverts rarely take the initiative when meeting someone new. That often leads to them having a small circle of friends, which they're totally fine with. They like their 'alone time'. They sometimes need a lot of space. Once they trust you, they will eventually start sharing their opinions and feelings more frequently and they can even overstep their own boundaries.
You're no exception from this general pattern and you're okay with that although you sometimes wish for it to be different. But hey, that's alright, everyone struggles with their specific "-ism". Nobody judges you. Holy shit, even extroverts struggle with their personality from time to time. Cool? Cool.
Second layer: You have very poor social/verbal skills.
Being an introvert does NOT mean being awful at expressing yourself verbally. That isn't an excuse and actually insulting for all the eloquent introverts out there.
Like the introvert one, this is not a bad trait. The difference is that being an introvert is a real part of your personality whereas your ability to talk is a trait of choice. Atleast in your case. You don't have a disorder. You just chose to not work on that properly resulting in misunderstandings with basically everybody around you.
Third layer: You're not exactly the most honest person.
Let me give you an example: You have the attention span of a fly. When someone notices you weren't listening or paying any attention, you tend to lie yourself 'out of the situation', hoping the other person won't notice. But you're a bad liar. You need to acquire a certain level of social skill to have success with that tactic. Too bad you haven't reached it yet. You would sacrifice every inch of trust that was given to you in order to not embarrass yourself.
Many people are like that. It's an annoying (and again: optional) trait, since you always have the option to just ask people what they're were talking about or what just happened (or what happened in general), but I guess that'd be way too easy. Again, many people share this trait with you, so it's no biggie.
Fourth layer: You're obsessive.
Now this is something way more unpleasant. Imagine being so insecure about yourself that you feel the constant need to be upset about your friends being with their other friends and not with you. That you used to TEXT them all night while they were chilling at someone elses place. Furiously. In tears. That you STILL feel the need let your 'friend' feel bad about hanging around with their friends. You're not even disguising it. You want THEM to feel bad. And because you're almost at a sociopathic level of being obsessive you actually go the biggest lengths to get back at them. With no sense of remorse whatsoever.
So, what is the best way to get back at them? You meet up with someone else too. What, that sounds like a healthy way to deal with the situation? If you'd just crave company that keeps your mind busy, then yes. But that isn't the exact motive, is it? No. It really isn't. If you'd only look for company you'd choose anyone from your small but fine variety of friends. But you aren't lonely. You're bitter. You wanna have some sweet revenge, because your friend makes you feel bad by not hanging around with you.
AN: Now I want you to think of the most pathetic person you've ever met. And they used to be as obsessed with you as you are with that friend I mentioned above nowadays. Imagine kicking U.P. (unpleasant person) out of your life not just once, but three times.
Despite you kicking them out of your life that many times you still consider them 'important'. ...Or do you really? I wonder.
In the back of your head something else rings: The friend you're obsessed with right now also had unpleasant encounters with that 'important' person you want to meet again. Your friend really doesn't like them. And the U.P. used to love YOU. I'll leave it at that. You can figure the reasoning behind your actions out yourself.
Fifth layer: If it's hurting/bothering you, everyone around you should be hurt/bothered too.
This is strongly tied with #4. And we're slowly getting to the point where it's just uncomfortable to read further.
If you aren't happy, then your close friends shouldn't be happy as well. For you, it's as simple as that. You continue whining and muttering until everyone has a bad time. And that doesn't even happen on a verbal level, no, your passive-aggressive ass is sending out subliminal messages. Is it that hard to talk about your problems? But don't worry, the majority of your friends just accept the fact that you're having a bad day. But the inner-circle (1-2 people approx. in your case) knows you're passive-aggressive on a daily basis.
How does that make you feel? Does it feel nice to ruin your friends moods? Dragging them down? You don't need to answer that. Just let it sink in.
AN: I hope you already cringe.
Sixth layer: You're manipulative and a guilt-tripper. And you play the victim card way too often.
Scenario time!
Let's say, you were totally wasted a while ago and tried to jump out of the window to kill yourself. You're not even suicidal, you just wanted to prove a point. And some attention. Hey, everybody makes mistakes, this is still acceptable, don't wet yourself. Consider me your friend. I am your friend. I wanna help you.
I try to talk to you about your problems, but, big surprise, it backfires. You get all whiney, shedding the biggest crocodile tears known to mankind. It annoys me. I get loud. I get angry. You cry. You cry me a river. Two rivers. You lock yourself in the bathroom, you smash windows, you verbally abuse yourself.
And then, when I get irrational and start to behave like a mental moron your inner hypocrite starts showing- Telling me I need to change.
Action/Reaction principle. The chicken or the egg causality dilemma. Who started it?
The case is clear. Crystal clear. You're the victim. You'll always be the victim. Why? Because tears beat violence. Yes? Right? Rock beats scissors. Always. The world is black and white. There's only the obvious right and the obvious wrong. My anger is worse than your fake tears. Your emotional manipulative, guilt-tripping tears. No doubt.
Knowing about my anger issues and provoking them until you have something to hold against me isn't you being an aggressor. You playing the small little victim card, guilt tripping my ass to the moon isn't manipulative.
Right?
We're both victims, both aggressors. The difference between you and me is that I am not actively trying to provoke your tears or all of the bullshit that comes with it.
Seventh layer: You deny any of your bad traits, because you don't want to admit that you haven't changed a bit over the last couple of years AKA You're absolutely delusional.
The worst trait is not acknowledging all the mayhem you cause all the time. IGNORING IT. You won't admit to your sociopathic, manipulative behaviour and you never question the motives behind your actions. You're delusion goes beyond everything I've ever known. And the worst part is: You're still blaming this on me. Saying I haven't grown up and matured. Telling me, you've change so much while repeating this neverending nightmarish cycle of emotional torture and treating me like I am the only one to blame.
Atleast I know I am an asshole too. Atleast I try to wear my heart on my sleeve. But this isn't about me. _______________________________
You get your question in a bit. Just a quick conclusion.
Remember my words from the beginning? That this wouldn't take long? It actually takes a long ass time make yourself look this pathetic. Especially when you started out as a nice person. A decent one. You see, when you make a friend you usually like them. You want them to be a part of your life.
No exception here. I really liked you. And I trusted you. From day one. You progressively destroyed this friendship.
And in the end I started participating. I feel bad about myself.
But you never even bothered to try to explain yourself properly, did yo? You know, all I heard was bullshit over bullshit.
Now I know that the average innocent reader doesn't really know much about my history with you. But I still dare to ask this question:
If this was really you, on a scale of 1 to 10, how disgusted would you be with yourself?
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