#but sqq inadvertently granted him an out from a cycle literally of his own creation
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the system and specifically how it preys upon intense emotional investment...
#i heart the soul tied hc specifically for this#sy looking through sqq and seeing the complete worst of himself -- self-isolating; stubborn; hypocritical; so on#unintentionally binding himself to this & pidw as a whole thru his worldly investment#airplane's relief at finally having a Real Computer that doesn't take a half hr to open up the pidw document#and then somewhat-grief over pidw when he haphazardly finishes it and tries to find new projects -- to be dragged back to pidw after all#and given the chance to 'work' on it. but as was the case with much of sqh's fate - he was pushed into it. and resentment grew#which he skirts away with the usual 'well nothing here matters anyway' (which is. well...) up until sqq does enough for sqh to really admit#that this is a story he was fond of. is fond of.#and that's a blessing in itself. and the only way sqh - in either world - would ever break his cynicism#you can feel it in every piece of the world - even in the system - that the world is designed to be cruel and unforgiving#there is no catharsis. there is only pathos.#and such is why sqh does away with much of his emotional investment for the longest time. he can't afford that if he wants to survive#but sqq inadvertently granted him an out from a cycle literally of his own creation#and that is. special. to me.#speak#svsss txt
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