#c: npc!bex

[muertarte]

Metzli: Hello. My computer has the flu. Bex: I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand. could you tell me what it is that your computer is doing?

Metzli: There are popups and women want to meet me but I don’t want to meet them. Someone said maybe the computer has flu.

Bex: Oh, it sounds like you may have a virus. I see what you mean now. Can I send you to a website that will allow me to take control of the device?

Metzli: Will you tell them I don’t want to meet?

Bex: …yeah, sure

Metzli: Are you the computer’s new master now?

Bex: Only for a minute.

Metzli: I will count.

[beckyh2112]

Ra, Scott, and me play L4D

It goes as well as can be expected. xD

[Ra]: Also, let it be noted, Scott is an asshole.

[Ra]: He left me and Becca and NPCBIll to DIE at the end of a L4D campaign.

[Ra]: And he robbed Becca of her achievement.

[Jess]: Ra: So noted. Death by zombies. Got it.

[Ra]: So Scott sucks.

[Ra]: Oh wait, Scott's not in here.

Scott entered the room.

[Ra]: >:o

[Scott]: There's been some stuff that's been said about me here.

[Scott]: And as we all know there are three sides to the story.

[Scott]: My side, ra's side, and the truth.

[Scott]: And the truth is that Ra is a dirty liar.

[Jess]: Does this make Becca's side the truth?

[Ra]: YOU RODE AWAY IN THE TRUCK.

[Ra]: AFTER BECCA WAS PUMMELED TO DEATH.

[Bex]: Yes. Yes. it does.

[Scott]: YES I DID.

[Ra]: AND I WAS BEING SWARMED.

[Scott]: IF BECCA HAD ALREADY DIED THEN HOW COULD I LEAVE HER TO DIE

[Scott]: YOUR LOGIC IS FLAWED

[Ra]: I SAID THAT SHE WAS PUMMELED TO DEATH

[Ra]: YOU LEFT ME TO DIE

[Luna]: This is awesome drama. *Eats cucumbers.*

[Ra]: AND ACTUALLY

[Scott]: [Ra]: He left me and Becca and NPCBIll to DIE at the end of a L4D campaign.

[Ra]: BECCA WOULD HAVE MADE IT

[Ra]: IF YOU WERE THERE TO HELP ME

[Ra]: SAVE HER

[Ra]: YOU ASS

[Ra]: YOU HOLE

[Ra]: YOU ASSHOLE

[Scott]: IT WAS CALLED SHOOTING FROM COVER

[Ra]: FROM THE TRUCK

[Ra]: AS THE DOOR WAS CLOSING

[Ra]: GOOD COVER

[Lotti]: Wat. XD

[Scott]: THE DOOR CLOSED WHEN YOU DIED

[Ra]: I WAS STILL ALIVE

[Ra]: BILL WAS RESURRECTIGN ME

{over Skype: "He was?"}

[Ra]: HE WAS

[Ra]: Man I was killing dozens of them as they swarmed me.

[Ra]: I could have maybe gotten an achievement!

[Bex]: I wish I'd had more bombs.

[Jess]: Guys, I know that you guys are parodying or some crap, but can you PLEASE step away from your caps locks?

[Ra]: Okay sorry.

[Scott]: Will do.

[Scott]: (it was the shift key)

[Ra]: i will rage in tinycap then

[Ra]: scott you asshole

[Ra]: you suck

[Jess]: Oh, it was fine for a bit. It just went on a bit too long, is all.

[Ra]: i know i look like im whispering this

[Ra]: but rest assured

[Ra]: i am yelling quite loudly

[Ra]: you asshole

[Scott]: It looks like a mouse squeaking.

[Scott]: Which is what your crying out sounded like to me.

[Ra]: i hope you die in a fire >:c

[Scott]: from the truck.

[Ra]: oh

[Ra]: oh

[Ra]: you did not go there

[Ra]: you did not go there

[Scott]: I can go whereever I want.

[Scott]: I'm in a big army APC.

[Ra]: in your truck?

[Scott]: Maybe they'll let me honk the horn.

[Ra]: i will remember this!

[Ra]: becca, next time we leave him to die

[Sam]: *Shares popcorn with Luna*

[Ra]: i am sure poor old npcbill agrees

[Ra]: when he stops running into things

[Bex]: Hey, hey, NPCBill kills way more things than we do.

[Scott]: NPC Bill cannot find his way up an escalator. Let's leave him out of this.

[Ra]: he does. fucker steals all the kills.

[Ra]: he can actually get up ladders.

[Ra]: unlike becca

[Bex]: Yes. >_>

[Ra]: ohwait I like becca

[Bex]: Doors and ladders! My nemeses!

[Scott]: He can manage ladders but not escalators? WTF.

[Ra]: The magic of bad AIs.

[Scott]: At the end of every level of L4D there is a safe room. You gotta get in and close the door to end the level.

[Scott]: For Becca, the door is like a boss level.

[Bex]: I do not steer well with lettered keys!

[Scott]: Killing zombies is nbd for her but DOORS?!!?

[Bex]: Doors are the devil.

[Ra]: *was listening to Scott and Becca being stuck in an eternal giddy fit. it was hilarious.*

[Ra]: I really should get a mic.

[Ra]: I can still trade this headphone in. I should go do that.

[Scott]: You totally should!

[Scott]: Then I can actually HEAR you crying as I escape.

[Scott]: :V :V :V

[Ra]: I will murder you with a rusty spoon.

[Scott]: Oh is THAT how you kill people?

[Ra]: I scoop out their eyeballs.

[Scott]: Wow, maybe that's why you suck at this game so much.

[Ra]: And FEED it to them.

[Scott]: You don't have a spoon.

[Ra]: ……………and you will CHOKE on it!

[legendaryandroid]

Lions & Robots

Voltron and Dungeons and Dragons have been mixing in my mind so now I’m just picturing Voltron as if it was a tabletop RPG. 

DM: So right now both Shiro and Keith have crash landed on a strange planet, both their Lions are non-functioning. Keith is headed towards Shiro who has been pulled out of his cave and is facing 3 hungry monsters.

Steven: How's Shiro looking Josh?

Josh: "I am bloodied, very much bloodied"

DM: The monsters roll to attack and... they hit for 18 damage.

Josh: And now Shiro is almost dead, please hurry Steven.

DM: Alright Steven. Keith can now see Shiro, he's being chased by three giant purple dog things with Black dead behind you, what do you do?

Steven: Keith rushes towards the Black Lion and tries to get in.

Josh: WHAT

DM: aaaahh, okay. How does he do that?

Josh: You better not being trying to take Black from Shiro.

Steven *rolls his eyes*: Keith goes in through the access hatch, grabs the control sticks and says “Please, I know I’m not Shiro. But I want to help him.”

DM: Steven, roll a persuasion check

Steven rolls: Natural 20

DM: blinks Whoa, okay. After a little bit of flickering Black comes to life at your touch.

Josh: Oh, You’ll pay for this betrayal Steven. 

*Later*

Josh (as Shiro): Keith, if I don’t make it out of here, I want you to lead Voltron.

DM: Waitwaitwait. Not 10 minutes ago you threw a hissy fit that Steven was piloting your lion and now this?”

Josh: Hey, what I want and what Shiro want are two different things. And I’m trying to stay true to Shiro.

DM: Oh, ok. Good roleplaying then, 1 inspiration point to you.

......

DM: Alright, Sendak is now trapped and unconscious in the control barrier. The battle is over what do you do?

Kimberly: I immediately start preparing a cryopod to store Sendak’s body in.

Bex: Pidge checks up on Shiro.

DM: What about you Steven?

Steven: *sighs* Keith goes and to check on Lance and give him a hand up.

Jeremy: Lance swats Keith’s hand away and says sarcastically. “Wow, what a great teammate you are” And tries to prove his superiority by standing up on his own.

DM: Are you.... trying to intimidate him?

Jeremy: Yeah I guess I am.

DM: Okay, then roll for that, but with disadvantage b/c of how battered you are.

Jeremy: *rolls* 15. *rolls again, winces* crit fail.

DM: *smirks* You try to smack away his hand but you’re still dazed from the blast, instead you grab it gently and speak in a husky, almost flirtatious manner. “We make a good team.”

Steven: *amused* Keith is touched and smiles softly at him.

.......

DM: Hey guys, before you start I just want you to know that we’ll have another member joining us on the campaign from now on.

Tyler: Oh cool! Is their character gonna be another paladin? Or like a long lost Altean?

DM: Well, he’ll actually be picking up one of the NPCs.

Tyler: Ooo, who’s it gonna be? Kolivan? Matt? I bet its Matt.

DM: Oh, you’ll find out.

*time passes*

DM: So the situation is this. Coran is in the castleship, looking on in horror as Voltron flies as fast as it can from the planet that is about to explode and take out the nearby solar systems. The rebels are firing at the ship controlling this doomsday device but nothing’s working. Keith is on a crash course for the shield to try and break it, a maneuver that will surely end in his death. When out of nowhere a small ship appears and shoots a giant blue laser at the ship, piercing the shield and hitting the ship. You recognize the new ship as Lotor’s and over the comms you hear him say....

*AJ busts in dramatically and says*: Attention Paladins of Voltron and rebel fighters. I think it’s time we had a discussion.

Everyone: OH SHIIIIII******

(Sidenote: I mainly used voice actor names for clarity.)