#can't let him know how deep the codependency runs

[the-dormant-ocean]

Sam, suddenly walking into Dean's room: Hey, what are you listening to?

Dean, listening to one of the +500 recordings he has of Sam breathing and mumbling in his sleep to help himself fall asleep when they don't share a room: Uhhhhh, PORN!

[itsnesss]

𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 | max verstappen × fem!reader

summary | you try to leave max, to break the toxic cycle. but every time, he pulls you back

warnings | toxic relationship dynamics (emotional push-and-pull, codependency), emotional manipulation, emotional conflict, suggestive themes, on-and-off relationship patterns

word count | 1.0 k

🖇 sctw album 🖇 more mv1

Another fight. Another door slamming shut.

Once again, you're on the couch, hands trembling as you wonder when things stopped making sense and started falling apart.

Max doesn't take long to come out of the room. He’s wearing that look you know so well the one that always comes before the hurtful words.

But this time, he doesn’t say anything. He just looks at you, eyes full of exhaustion, pride, and unresolved desire.

"Are you going to keep that look on your face all night?" his voice is low, almost indifferent.

You stare at him, unblinking.

"And are you going to keep acting like nothing matters to you?"

Silence. But the air is already heavy.

Too full of everything left unsaid.

He steps closer. One step. Another. Until the distance is so small, you can smell his skin that mix of gasoline, sweat, and something inexplicably addictive.

"I hate you," you whisper.

He smiles. One of those arrogant smiles you hate... and crave.

"Not more than I hate you."

Then he kisses you.

It’s not sweet. Not gentle. It’s wild. It’s hunger. It’s rage disguised as desire.

Your hands tangle in his shirt. He lifts you off the couch effortlessly, and in a second, you're against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist.

Like always.

Like never.

Because even if it hurts, even if it burns, even if you both know this is falling apart… you can't stop.

You don't want to stop.

And in the back of your mind, part of you screams that this is wrong. That you should run. That the alarms are blaring.

But another part…

The part that loves him even when you hate him, the part that drowns in the adrenaline of these stormy reunions…

That part wants to stay.

"Just for tonight," you whisper against his lips.

Max nods, but he doesn’t make any promises. He never does.

And you don’t ask for one. Because you both know this can’t be fixed.

But God, it feels good to burn together.

You wake up before him.

Light filters through the hotel window, illuminating his bare back and that peaceful expression that only appears when he's asleep. It’s so ironic it hurts.

Because calm Max is a lie.

A trap.

A siren that sings just long enough for you to return… before dragging you down again.

You sit at the edge of the bed. The air smells like him, like sex, like guilt. Like always.

Your clothes are scattered across the floor like evidence of another shared crime.

You dress in silence.

"You're leaving without saying anything again?" his rough voice breaks the moment.

You don’t turn around. You know if you do, you'll stay. Again.

"You shouldn't have called me last night."

"And you shouldn't have answered."

Checkmate.

It's always like this. You two play with fire like burns don't exist.

But you're burning alive, and he knows it too.

"This isn’t healthy, Max."

"And since when has that stopped us?"

You laugh, without humor. You turn and look at him. He’s leaning against the pillows, hair messy, eyes locked on you. That look that hurts. Because it used to be love. Now it’s an addiction.

"Why can’t we let go?"

He shrugs.

"Because we like how it burns."

And there it is. The rawest truth.

You like the fire. You like how alive you feel in the middle of the disaster.

You like the drama, the sex, the make-ups that feel like happy endings… until it starts all over again.

You leave the room without saying another word.

But you don’t go far.

Because you know, deep down, you know he’ll message you in a few days.

An excuse. A complaint. A “come over.”

And you’ll go.

Even if everything around you screams to run.

You forced yourself to cut everything.

Changed your number. Deleted his messages. Stopped following his races, his interviews, even his social media.

Because if there was one thing you were sure of, it was that this time, you wouldn’t go back.

Two weeks passed.

Fourteen days without him.

But every night, the memory of his voice, his scent, his mocking laugh, sneaks through the cracks.

No notification sounds… and still, every noise makes you check your phone.

Until you see it.

A photo. Leaked. Max with someone else.

And you’re supposed to feel relief. It should help you hate him.

But it just hurts. Way more than you’d admit.

That same night, a message from an unknown number pops up:

"You don’t even answer when I miss you?"

Blocked.

Five minutes later, there’s a knock on your door.

Literally.

And when you open it, there he is.

Soaked from the rain, eyes red, chest heaving with the fury of being ignored for the first time.

"How did you know I was here?" you ask, shocked.

"You think I don’t know you? You always come back to the same place when you want to disappear."

Silence.

"And what are you doing here, Max?"

"I want to see you."

"Why now? After you’re out with someone else?"

"I’m not seeing anyone," he cuts in, serious. "I was just... trying to forget you."

You laugh. Not because it’s funny, but because it hurts too much.

You cross your arms, shaking—you don’t know if it’s from the cold or the fury.

"Then we’re both fucked."

His eyes lock with yours. And for a second, it’s like the world stops.

Like the disaster is already happening inside you both.

"Just tell me you didn’t miss me," he says, stepping closer.

You don’t answer.

"Say it, and I’ll leave. For good."

And there’s your damnation: you can’t.

You can’t tell him you didn’t miss him. Because every night, you thought of him. Because every fight, every kiss, every hug in the middle of chaos became a vice your body doesn’t know how to quit.

So, you say nothing. You take a step toward him.

And Max understands.

He kisses you.

And once again, as always, you fall together.

Because running was never your strength.

And because between the sirens and the flames, there’s only one thing you both know how to do:

Stay until everything burns.

[loverslodge]

love to cats

summery: your cat is having an affair and the only way to resolve it was try and befriend the owner of the other cat

pairing: beefy!bucky x reader

warning: fluff, floof, smut,

A/N: in my beefy!bucky era

Charcoal had disappeared again. You knew that. You hated that. You worry about him. You found Charcoal when he was buried deep in the snow at the back of your office building. It was his black fur and smallest mews that alerted you. You dug him up and rushed him to the vet. He had clung on to you so much that you couldn't help but take him home. You didn't plan on having a cat but it was too late to go back. You were the chosen one. The vet helped you choose food for Charcoal and slowly, you bought him everything he could ever want.

But his escape changed your idea. This is the sixth time he had run away in a month and he has been doing this for three months. So you were at your limit. You felt like a lacking mother. Honestly, you had become just as clingy to him as he was to you. Codependent is what you called each other but your friends called it separation anxiety. You thought you were not Charcoal enough love and that's why he ran away.

It was a bright and sunny day when this happened so it was going to be a somewhat easy task for you to find that little menace. You start by walking down the stairs and calling out its name. You reach the third floor and it is already evening. You've asked everyone in the building if they have seen your cat but nothing came up. Now you're on the third floor knocking the only door that is left. You hear a mew from behind the door and you jump.

“Charcoal? Honey? Are you in there?” You knock again. “Excuse me? Please open the door. I think my cat is in there.” But you hear zero movement. “Hey! Whoever you are. Give me my cat back. I can hear him in your apartment! Charcoal, I will get you out of there. I promise. Noone will hurt you.” You bang on the door.

“Hey! Who are you? Why are you banging on my door?” You hear an angry voice from across the hall. You turn to see a tall man walking towards you with scowl on his face. “Move away lady, I'm not interested.”

You look at him agape. How dare this kidnapper assume that you would even- ugh! You felt like smacking him. “You kidnapped my cat. How dare you accuse me of whatever that was. I am here for my cat. Give him back.”

“Kidnapped your cat? Please. I do not need a mangy two bit thug as a cat. I have my own and she is perfect.” He unlocks his door and before you could peer in, he blocks it with his large, beefy body.

“How dare you! My cat is not mangy. How would you know what my cat looks like? He is a child and not a thug. Now let me in. I swear I heard him mew. I know he's in there, mister and you cannot stop me.” You try to push your way in his house but he wouldn't budge. You give him a stink eye.

“Charcoal! Mommy is here! Come to me, baby. Let's go home. I am here to rescue you from this two bit thug.” You point at the beefy man. You see a ball of fur behind him and you immediately make a jump for it. The beefy man’s step falters and you stumble into his living room.

“What the hell is wrong with you, woman? You can't just attack someone and enter someone's apartment. That is breaking and entering. I can get you arrested for this.” The beefy man stands in front of you.

“And I can have you arrested for kidnapping my cat. But you don't see me doing that, do you? Youre lucky I'm not using a fire escape on your apartment.” You start walking around the apartment calling for Charcoal.

“Woman, get out!” He raises his tone but not a lot to raise an alarm.

“Shut up! I can't hear my cat over you.” You call out to Charcoal again and this time you hear the familiar mew again. You run in that direction and the man runs after you.

You open the door to the bedroom and see a sight never seen before. Charcoal was wrapped under another cat and they were snuggling! You run towards them and very slowly gather a sleepy Charcoal in your arms.

“Wow! And you say you didn't kidnap my cat. What was this then?” You poke your finger on his chest.

“This little thug has had his eyes on my Alpine for a very long time. Take your thug and leave. I don't want my Alpine anywhere near someone who doesn't know boundaries.” He walks closer to you. Your faces were inches apart.

“Fine by me! I also don't want my cat anywhere near you or your cat who has been driving him out of his safe space. Do not ever kidnap my cat again.” You start walking out the door.

“For the last time, I did not kidnap it!” Before he could finish, you slam his front door shut and walk upstairs with Charcoal in your arms.

……………………….

You were already working remotely but you very often went to your office to just catch up on the environment. But now, after the stunt pulled by Charcoal, you stayed home everyday. You kept him near you. He would often go to the windows and mew wistfully. You sigh. You saw how cuddled up he was with the white cat. Alpine. That was her name. You felt like you were Romeo's mother, trying to keep him away from his juliet. Or was it the other way around?

You groan as you stand in front of the beefy man’s apartment again. You knock on the dorr. You had Charcoal in your arms. You wanted Charcoal happy and the only way that was was to take him to Alpine. You waited. You heard shuffling behind the door. The door opened to the shirtless beefy man looking disheveled.

“Ah! The crazy cat lady. What do you want? I don't have your cat. Maybe it went to lick some other-” You pushed past him in the house and lte Charcoal go. He ran immediately to Alpine and they cuddled into each other, purring, maybe making promises of never letting go.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't just walk in someone's house and let your cat out on their cat. Take him and leave. Alpine and I do not tolerate thugs like you and your cat.” He tried to catch Alpine but she ran in the room with Charcoal in the tow.

“Do you hate romance?” You asked, sitting down on his sofa.

“What? Hey! Get up. Out of the house.” He sounded pissed.

“I'm Y/N Y/L/N, by the way. That's my cat, Charcoal. I think he's in love with your cat and I could not stand him wistfully sighing every now and then. I have work too, you know.” You extend your hand as a friendly gesture with a smile.

You eyed you suspiciously. He tilted his head to the side and looked at your hand and then you. His eyes raked over your body but not in a creepy way. He was analyzing? He saw you were in your lounge wear, shorts and loose t-shirt. You looked relatively harmless. Hell! He looked more harmful than you. His eyes made their way to your face and his heart skipped a beat. Your smile, even though polite, lightened up your face. You were pretty. You were pretty when you first met him but he didn't have time to look at you properly. Now that he saw you, you looked soft.

He grabbed your hand to shake. “I'm Bucky Barnes. That's my cat, Alpine. I guess she is in love with a hooligan. She has been pawing at the windows. Just so you know, your cat is still a thug. Entering someone else's house without asking.”

You shrug. “People do crazy things for love, why not animals? Plus, I was not letting my child be heartbroken just because I don't like the father of his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Did that thug tell you that? He is seducing her right now! Just so you know, your son is not good enough for my daughter.” Bucky sits beside you. You let your eyes all over his body. He was so beefy. You could see yourself be enveloped in his arms and feel them slide slowly down your body and his fingers in your-

“Yeah well, your daughter chose my son so get over it.” You gulped and looked away, mentally hitting your head.

You stayed at his place for over an hour. Both of you busied yourselves on your phones. You saw Charcoal some out of the room with Alpine and they both snuggled next to you.

“Hey Charcoal. Did you bring Alpine to meet me?” You stroked his head and turned to Alpine. “Hey Alpine! I am Charcoal’s mommy. It is nice to meet you.” You approach Alpine with caution and she immediately snuggles into you. You let out a small laugh and stroke her. Both your hands over the cats, you loved seeing them together. You understood why Charcoal was obsessed with Alpine. She was so welcoming, soft and absolutely adorable.

Bucky had left for the bathroom and when he came back, he saw both the cats purring on your lap. He saw his Alpine all snuggled into you like it did him and for some reason, his chest swole. Alpine had always been wary of strangers. She didn't even let his friends touch him the way she let you. Alpine had trust issues and so Bucky never forced her into a situation she didn't want to be in. they had an understanding. But now, without any prompting when Alpine was cuddled to you, Bucky questioned his judgment about you. Maybe you were a nice person. Maybe your cat isn't really a thug. He wanted to believe Alpine but he was human after all, how much was he going to trust someone else based on a cat?

Bucky cleared his throat and re-entered the room. The cats looked at him. Alpine purred, making an inviting swish with her tail which Bucky ignored. “So, are you done or do you have to stay longer?” He asked you gruffly.

“Fine, fine. I am leaving. Don't get your boxers twisted. Well back next week, right Charcoal? Woulndt want the girlfriend to be lonely, would you?” You scratched Charcoal and Alpine behind their ears and they prinned. “Uh, can you please move Alpine? She, uh, she's too cuddled up.”

Bucky carefully walked to you and took Alpine in his arms. His fingers brushed against the skin of your thighs and tingles shot up to both of you. You pocketed your phone and keys and cradled Charcoal home, without looking back.

That night, you had stayed up till late thinking about his fingers touching you. You thought about his calloused hand shaking yours and his rough fingers sliding across your thighs. You were too tuckered out to bring out your vibrator so you just buried yourself in your comforter and dreamt of his fingers all over you.

………………………..

It had been around six months. You and Bucky had gotten into a routine. Sometimes Bucky would even leave Alpine with you for a few days if he had to go out for work and same went for you. Bucky was still skeptical about Charcoal being near Alpine but he adored Alpine too much to say no to her. Many times you both have had dinner together. The day your cats were to meet, you would know that the entire day was going to be just the two of you. Both of your cats had been wary of other people and so it was nice to see them get comfort in each other and the two of you.

Charcoal had warmed up to Bucky very fast but it was Bucky who took his time. Charcoal loved to sit on Bucky’s lap. He would often tangle himself on Bucky’s legs when he was standing. One day, after a bit of encouragement, you asked Bucky to pick Charcoal up. The way he purred in Bucky’s arms melted him but he tried not to show.

You would cook together too. He was at your place a lot because you, being a cat mom, had bought a lot of toys for Charcoal and Alpine. You had also bought a large bed for both cats to cuddle on. Bucky felt cozy at your place, not that he would admit it. He was a better cook than you so he would be by the stove while you chopped up things for him. Maybe that's where all the tension started. You brush against Bucky and you lean closer to him when he cooks. It was all accidental but that didn't stop Bucky from eyeing you differently.

It felt like Bucky practically lived at your place. Without being told, some of his clothes made their way in your closet. Not for some romantic reason, but for the fact that whenever he would have to take care of Charcoal, he would stayover with Alpine. You weren't annoyed about it. You in fact made more space for his stuff. His own apartment started to feel empty, literally. Even his favorite mug rested on your kitchen shelf.

Bucky stood here, in his shower, remembering your hand that accidentally brushed against his crotch. You were trying to take the ladle off his hand to pour in the bowls and none of them had realized that it was so close to him. His hand reaches for his cock and starts stroking it. Your smile, your laugh, your touch makes him stroke even harder. Then his mind goes to that one day that made him hard for you for the first time ever. You were working hunched over your laptop while Bucky was gathering the cat toys that were spread around. You stretched and your crop rose to show that you weren't wearing any bra and that showed your half boobs. You moaned out loud as your bones cracked and Bucky was just mesmerized. You went back to your work without acknowledging the fact that Bucky saw you but he did. Now, the shower was giving him the solace that he needed. He reached his high as he pictured you moaning under him. He felt a release and he went back to his room after drying himself off.

He looked at Alpine’s bed which was empty. More than half of his apartment is empty. He wakes up and the first thing he does is go to your apartment to make coffee because he has nothing at his place anymore. He puts on a remaining t-shirt from his wardrobe and makes his way to your apartment. He could hear the meows of the cats but you were nowhere to be seen. It was early in the morning after all. He saw Charcoal wake up and unwrap himself from Alpine, walking to the water bowl you filled for them. Charcoal looks at him and Bucky gives him a nod.

Just as Bucky finished making his coffee, he heard a loud moan coming from your room. He tried not to react but then he heard something shatter and ran to your room. He saw glass near your bed and you were almost going to step on it. Bucky dove and grabbed you by the waist, tugging you back in bed. He was half on top of you, his arms wrapped around your waist and you were holding him by his neck due to sudden impact.

“Are you okay? Do not get down from this side. I will clean up here.” Bucky checked your hands and legs for any injury. His hands slowly caressed your skin. His hand roamed over to your calf, knees, thighs and arms.

“Mhmm.” You had no capacity to talk. You were so turned on that if you opened your mouth, a moan would have left. Your arms from around Bucky’s neck had fallen and now you were cupping his face, your thumbs caressing his cheeks.

Before he could lean in, the moment was broken by your phone. You scramble under him and grab the phone. Your boss had just texted that because of ongoing fumigation at the office, everybody would be working from home for at least a month. You wanted to throw the phone at the wall. Not because you wanted to go to the office, but because a text ruined the moment you've been waiting for. You see Bucky stand and clean the glass while you make your way to the bathroom.

You asked Bucky to move in. no, you are not in a relationship. No, you don't see progress other than touches here and there. But because Alpine is pregnant. Bucky was angry, obviously. He sat Alpine down and lectured her. You rolled your eyes as you tried to keep Charcoal away from Bucky. You did not need to hear Bucky call your baby a hooligan again.

The vet was kind. Alpine is going to have kittens and you were ecstatic. Bucky grumbled grumpily but he was happy too. Charcoal refused to leave Alpine’s side from now on and you poked Bucky every time Charcoal would follow Alpine even to the litter box. You swear you saw Alpine roll her eyes at Charcoal. You giggled and clicked a lot of videos and photos. As if you hadn't been doing that already.

You stayed at home full time, while Bucky usually left for work. Every time your name popped up on his phone, he knew it would be a photo or video of the cats you sent because you find it very adorable. The only other texts between the two of you were him texting what time he’ll be home and you texting him to hurry because you were very hungry. The life Bucky was living had turned domestic without any romance. Steve and Sam teased him about being a grandfather but it just reminded him of the time you were talking to Alpine and thanking her for making you a grandmother.

You cared a lot for Alpine. Charcoal lets you touch her but he sometimes hiss at Bucky. You had never seen Charcoal get so territorial over Alpine before. You liked it. You cooed at this and Bucky sulked even harder. Bucky had to rely on you to tell him about Alpine because Charcoal refused to move out of his way one day. He almost yelled at the thug. Keyword being almost. Because then he remembered his own behavior that you pointed out casually the previous day.

You and Bucky had gone grocery shopping. He had officially moved in and you needed extra snacks and cat food. You had a run-in with your ex. Your ex was being very flirty and you had been very polite about his questions. Bucky stood right beside you, enveloping you in his arms. You were trapped between him and the cart, not that you minded. You could hear the soft scoffs and growls Bucky gave your ex. You tried to wrap up the conversation as quickly as you could but your ex wouldn't take a hint. Bucky grunted from behind you and moved the cart carefully so as to not hurt you and got you out of the pet food aisle. He kept you trapped till you reached the car. You then casually mentioned how that reminded her of Charcoal trying to keep Alpine away from anyone.

The tension was growing around the house. Even the cats sensed it so they stirred clear of the bedroom. It was a 1 bedroom apartment. You had insisted Bucky and you share the bed. It's not like something will happen, right? Bucky forced you to sleep by the window and he slept across the door ‘to keep a klutz like you safe from unnecessary damage’. You both tried to stay on your own sides as much as possible but you were definitely getting annoyed. You were practically throwing yourself at the guy. How thick does one have to be? His brain was as thick as his thighs and your brain short circuited thinking about his thighs again. Tonight, you're gonna have to take some extra time in the bathroom.

Bucky was horny. He has had enough. The two of you were cooking in the kitchen. This time it was really not your doing. You weren't planning on brushing up against him so often. First, he walks in the kitchen with his hair open so you tie his hair for him, which he wouldn't let you do from the back and so he was breathing on your neck and his lips kept brushing up to your sensitive area while you tied his hair. He was making you horny and you thought it was on purpose. So you thought of taking revenge. You ‘accidentally’ brushed against his crotch as you made your way to the kitchen sink to wash your hand. But that was just one time.

The kitchen was heavy with tension. Even a butcher knife couldn't cut through this type of tension. You both keep glancing at each other. You thought of making a move but he was standing by the fire. He thought of making a move but you were holding a knife. The dinner, at this pace, was ready, finally. He put the food on the plates and brought it to the table. You finished in the kitchen, stuffing the leftovers in the fridge. You finished eating, he finished eating. It was as if you both were in a hurry.

Charcoal definitely rolled an eye at Bucky when Bucky tried to put his arm around you on the sofa. You had become so horny and anxious that you ended up asking Bucky if he wanted to watch a movie. He said yes, you brought out wine and now Charcoal and Alpine were witnessing the world’s heaviest sexual tension. You were sipping your wine at a very quick pace. You had almost finished the bottle alone. Bucky was still on his first beer. You were tipsy but too aware of your surroundings. You had to choose a rom-com, didnt you? Especially the one where the lead, too, was living a very sexually tense life. Or was it just you?

Bucky was slowly stroking your arm. He had put his arm around you and never even realized. Doing this seemed so natural. But your short t-shirt had ridden up and his hand touched your waist. You were alert with a hitch and so was he. He paused a little to see you react, try and remove his hand but you did nothing. So he continued. He slowly moved his hand to your stomach. His finger came to touch your belly button and he stroked its outline in a circle. You stifled your moan. He raised his hand and now he rests it right under your boobs, occasionally brushing his thumb against them.

You couldn't take it anymore. You held his hand tightly in its place, the one under your t-shirt and stood up, alerting him too. He stood up behind you. You were worried he would remove his hand from under your t-shirt but he made no such move. You took his other free hand and started dragging him to the bedroom.

As soon as you closed the bedroom door, he moved his hand up and grabbed your boob and pinched your nipple. You moaned loudly and rested your head on his chest. He lets go of your hand and uses that hand to tilt your head up. You look in his steel blue eyes and see them swirling dark. He brings his lips to yours and moans in your mouth. You turn around and hold his face in your hand as you deepen the kiss. You tug his hair and he moans again, giving your tongue access to his mouth. You slip in and he lifts you up.

He walks to the bed and lowers the two of you in the middle. You refused to let him go. You both were running out of air but the need to kiss and feel each other’s lips was higher. He wanted to kiss your neck, mark you up but you would not let go. He moves his hand down to your nipples and flicks them. With a sudden jerk, your mouth moves away from his and you whimper, letting him attack your neck. He peppers kisses all along your neck, shoulder and clavicle all the while playing with your nipples. You were a writhing mess.

Your hands reach for the hem of his henley and you try to pull it over his head. He pauses his attacks and starts removing his clothes. You too do the same. Seeing each other so bare, you both could not take your eyes off of each other. You let him stand above you because you got to see just how gorgeous he was. Those henleys hid so much of his beefiness. And his cock was magnificent.

You hadn't realized you were touching yourself till you heard Bucky growl. He immediately removes your hands and dives in to suck at your clit. A loud moan escapes you and you put your hand on your mouth.

“Oh no you don't. Do not hide those noises from me, honey. We're just getting started. I'm planning to make you louder.” Bucky pulls your hand down from your mouth and holds it.

Your legs were over his shoulder as he kept his kissing, sucking and biting going on your core. You were squirming and moaning as loudly as Bucky wanted. “Such a good girl, listening to everything I say and moaning.”

“Shit, Bucky I-” you grab his hair and before you could even tell him, the knot in your stomach breaks and you gush all over his face as he laps it all up. He licks and sucks you through your orgasm and with a final kiss on your clit, he looks up. He has you dazed and splayed out on the bed. You attempt to get up to touch his cock but he shakes his head. “Not today, honey. Today I want you. Next time, you can have as much as you want.”

You let your hands travel all over his body. He aligns himself against your core. “I will go in slow. Tell me if you want me to stop and I will pull away. Okay?” He looks at you in question and you nod. “Words, honey, I need words. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He slowly puts his bulbous tip in and your back arches a little. He slowly lets himself in and you let out a slow delicious moan. When he is completely inside you, he waits for a few seconds but your walls are crushing his cock without any movement.

“Fuck honey, you are squeezing me already. You'll make me cum just like this.” Bucky lowers himself and starts sucking on your neck on the sensitive area.

“For fuck’s sake, Bucky, move.” You let out a breathy moan and he starts moving. His pumps are gentle, slow. It's as if he wants to tease you. “Bucky.” You whine.

“What is it, honey? What do you want?” You can hear the smirk in his voice. If you weren't so hot, bothered and dazed, you would have pushed him down.

“Move, Bucky, please.” You beg. He looks you in the eyes and you see a glint of mischief. This little-

“I am moving, honey. What more do you want?” Bucky thrusts in you even slower and you whine. Your eyes water and the tears trickle down. Bucky reaches down and licks your tears up, leaving a trail of kisses.

“Bucky-” But you are cut off by a sudden hard thrust in you. You moan his name loudly and grip his biceps even tighter.

“Is this what you want, honey? Do you want me to fuck you hard?” He pulls out to push back in harder and you mewl, arching your back.

“Yes Bucky. I want you to fuck me hard and fast.” You move your hand to grip his ass as he gives you another hard thrust.

“My good girl. Saying words. I will reward you by doing exactly what my good girl wants.” His praises make you clench around his cock and he moans loudly, burying his face in your neck. “Fuck, honey! You like that, huh? Me calling you a good girl turns you on, doesn't it?”

Without wasting anymore moments, he starts thrusting into you harder and faster. He takes your mouth in his, subsiding the moans and whimpers. You are gripping onto his back, leaving red marks on him. He’s sucking on your neck and breasts, leaving bite marks all over.

“Bucky, I'm cumming. Please.” You arch again and his thrusts start to get sloppy. “I am cumming too, honey. Together, yes?” He circles your clit with delicacy and you mewl. Within seconds, you both cum and he fills you to the brim. Your gush is leaking down his balls and he rides your orgasm with you.

He falls to the side and slowly removes himself from you. Bucky moves stray hair from your face and kisses your forehead, before going to the bathroom and bringing out wet washcloth. He wipes you clean and goes back to the bathroom. You try to stand up to go pee but your legs wobble and you sit back down on the bed. You hear a slight snicker from Bucky and you give him a playful glare. He lifts you up effortlessly and sits you on the toilet.

“Call me when you're done. I don't want you to get into a bathroom accident.” He chuckles at his statement and you flip him off, closing the bathroom door. You hear him laugh.

You pee and clean yourself up before carefully opening the door. Your legs were still a little wobbly. But just as you cross the bathroom door, Bucky scoops you up and lays down on the bed with you tucked snugly beside him.

“This is unfair. How come you get to wear your bottoms but i have to stay naked. It has to be two sided.” You snuggle in deeper as you try to remove his pants.

“Is that your way of getting me out of my pants? Because it's working, honey.” He removes his pants and the two of you are naked again. Sleep catches on and you drift off with Bucky’s arms around you. You swore you heard him say something about love but you let it go.

………………….

Alpine was in labor and Bucky isn't home yet. Your relationship with Bucky had shifted drastically. Now he would not hesitate to cuddle up to you at any chance he got. He would even make you sit on the bed to work so he could sit behind you and keep his hands on you. You loved it. You never realized you were so much into physical touch till Bucky came along. You would let him manhandle you into positions he saw fit for snuggling.

Charcoal was pacing and you kept on calling Bucky. You didn't know what to do. You called the vet and they said the labor takes a while so you still had time to bring Alpine to the hospital. The door unlocked and Bucky walked in. you sighed in relief but before you could tell him what’s going on, Charcoal started meowing loudly at him as if lecturing.

Bucky looks at you and you nod at everything Charcoal was meowing about. “I know you can understand him, honey but what’s wrong? Why is the thug yelling at me?” You explain everything to Bucky and he immediately tries to go near Alpine, only to be stopped by Charcoal. Bucky looks at you exasperatedly.

You shake your head and take Alpine in your arms. You pat Bucky’s hand and gesture Charcoal to come and he reluctantly comes into his arms. “This is ridiculous. I am her father and I have to carry this hooligan. He won't let me touch my own daughter! This is shit!” he still carries Charcoal carefully and you all drive to the vet.

After hours of waiting and calming Charcoal down, Alpine is blessed with twin kittens. You and Bucky look at them with such adoration. Bucky had tears in his eyes. He praises Alpine for being so calm during this time and finally gets to pet her. Charcoal is curled up near the kittens and lets out a soft purr as you pet him.

With good enough instructions, all six of you go back to the apartment. It had started to feel smaller. Bucky kept on looking at you as you sang to the kittens in a very soft voice. He had been on the fence about his decision but seeing you like this made his belief even stronger.

……………….

Bucky woke up on a good long weekend with you naked in his arms. Last night must've tuckered you out. He goes to the bathroom to wash up and sees the marks you left on his back. He smiled proudly. He washes up and starts prepping for pancakes. You emerge from the bathroom, all washed up, wrapped in a towel for him to see. He groans and marches after you in the bedroom and locks the door. Looks like the day is going to have to start a bit late.

Bucky asked you to wear his favorite sundress. You were sitting in the car in front of another apartment building. You were nervous. You had plans today for him but Bucky seemed too enthusiastic to show his plans to you today. He opens your door and you walk in the apartment building with his arms around you.

He clicked a good enough top floor in the elevator. You were moved in front of him as he nipped at your neck. You swatted at his hand on your waist and he let out a breathy chuckle. Just as you arrived at the floor, Bucky dragged you to one of the four apartments. He started showing you around. It was barren for the most part but it looked very expensive.

“What do you think about this place, honey?” Bucky wraps himself around you as you gaze down the wall to the ceiling window.

“It is very gorgeous, Buck but why are we looking at this place?” You turn around in his arms and face him. He’s looking down at you and pecks your lips.

“I want us to live here together, honey. With kitties and all. I love your place but even you are finding it a hard fit. This is very spacious for us all. And, we can entertain our friends without our babies being disturbed. What do you say?” He looked at you hopefully.

You had been thinking about getting a new place but Bucky finding something so fantastic and considering every option got your heart racing. You wrap your arms around him and lean up to kiss his chin. “I love it.”

Bucky lets out a sigh of relief and lifts you up to spin you. “Shall we christen the new place?” He wraps your legs around his waist and moves to a wall. He kisses your lips and makes his way down to your neck and breasts.

You swat at his back, making him halt. “You're insatiable. As much as I love the idea, let's not do that right now. Maybe after we move in.” He sighs and lowers you down, pecking your lips and making you giggle. He walks a bit away from you and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“I have something else to ask you. Well, since our babies have babies together and since we are living together, will it be okay if we stay together as a married couple?”

Bucky asked it with such ease. He didn't stutter, he didn't seem anxious, he just asked. You did not expect a grumpy, beefy 6 foot something of a man who never talked to anyone except grunts and growls, just very easily asked you to marry him. WITH THE SAME SPEECH THAT YOU WERE GONNA GIVE.

“What the fuck, Bucky? Did you go through my notes on my phone?” That was the first thing that came to you instead of giving an answer.

He shrugged and walked to you. He slipped his hand out of his pocket and held out a ring. It was a simple gold band with a delicate diamond on top. “Well, you have always initiated our relationship and I wanted to initiate something this time. I've been wanting to marry you since you first claimed I was a kidnapper but now that I saw you were ready, I wanted to propose in our new place.” He, very casually, slipped the ring on your finger.

“Bucky! You romantic son of a bitch! Now what the fuck am i supposed to say?” Your voice might have grown louder but it also got wobbly. You, very gently, hit your left hand on his chest.

“You can give me the ring in your purse and we can go back home to consummate our engagement. How does that sound?” You gape at him.

“How do you know about the ring? Did you snoop again?” You pulled out the ring box you had snuggly kept in between the chains. You bring out the simple gold band and push it down Bucky’s ring finger a little too hard. He winces but smiles widely at you.

“I didn't need to snoop, honey. You always keep your things laying around in the open. It's a wonder how that ring box hasn't been turned into a toy by our cats.” He pulls you in a hug and kisses your forehead. “This is perfect. Us, our new home and our babies.”

................................

request/ask for this fic is open

[ngage2003]

To me, Marble Hornets partially works so well as a story due to its incidental use of parallels and when it contrasts them. Alex and Jay are both people corrupted by Operator influence who ultimately follow the same path and up in the same place, both of their differing selfish qualities (Jay's Curiosity, Alex's need for control) ultimately dooming them. Tim saw the Operator as a kid and implicatively so did Alex, yet those two end up being both our devil and martyr of the story, two totally opposites.

Marble Hornets does this though not only with characters but relationships, the most infamous example being Brian and Tim being friends before the former's death, and Masky and Brian being partners in crime after it.

A lot of this is probably to some degree incidental honestly, especially when we get down in the weeds, but I believe that there is another parallel to Brian and Tim's friendship in the narrative too, one that is more about contrasting it than paralleling it as with Masky and Brian.

Let's talk about the relationship of Jay and Alex.

⟦content warning: some vague talks of codependency⟧

Alright, so far warning, this is going to get a little "headcanon-y" but I really just want to talk about/analyze the fascinating relationship of these two and my personal thoughts on how they know each other.

Most of the time between Jay and Alex on screen is spent in season 2, but really their whole friendship is to blame for this series happening. After all, Jay was a close enough friend to visit Alex before he moved out, and to ask in the first place for his tapes.

I think its important to talk about what we specifically see of them though, as Alex's reluctance to kill Jay is by and large a defining feature of the series. If he hadn't been so hesitant after all, Jay would have never uploaded the tapes and the series wouldn't exist. But while Alex leads Seth to his death and as to be practically forced to kill Brian by the Operator—

Clarification: in Entry 51, the one where Brian is presumably killed the first time, Alex has to be tortured by the Operator before he is seemingly willing to hurt him. If you're wondering what I mean by that, please check my #ng.operatorture tag for elaboration. - Basically though, I think when the Operator teleports fully living people away, it tortures them, like how we see with Tim in Entry 65. This process is done as a way to sort of break people down mentally by the Operator, as a way of feeding and also to compel them or try to get them to accomplish a goal it wants. Tim only avoids this fate because he is a system and Masky protects him.

—he doesn't kill Jay, despite having ample opportunity too, and the Operator more than seeming to want him too. Sure, yeah, Alex attacks Jay when giving him the tapes Entry 71, but even then, even with Jay defenseless and unconscious and Alex thinking everyone else his dead, he can't kill him.

Why? What makes Jay special? Or rather, what makes him special to Alex Kralie?

Well, I believe that Alex and Jay are long time friends, a relationship purposefully contrasting the fast friendship of Tim and Brian in college that similarly runs deep for the both of them. I think they could have known each other in highschool, and maybe even a little before, both being neglected outcasts who ended up clinging together as they finally found community in the other. I think that foundational connection is why, despite all Alex's hard edges and his antsiness which harshly contrast Jay's passivity, he keeps Jay close, holding him at arms length as a script supervisor rather than a camera man but always near.

I don't think this deep of a connection could just be a college crush or something similar, because for Jay's part, we see a similar level of emotional connection from him, with how doggedly he is willing to follow Alex for many months before he finally snaps to get information, being led around in circle after circle and doggedly following at Alex's heels. Sure, Alex is a lead, but Jay's willingness to keep his head done and follow him is frankly ridiculous, especially after he witnesses certain things like Alex being willing to break their associate's leg and leave him got dead in a dirty, abandoned building.

The two enable each other in a way. Jay does little to press back against Alex's harsh will and rude remarks, not even helping Tim out of the building and often flailing with responding to his vitriol, and Alex uses Jay's curiosity against him, manipulating him onto the path he wants because he has the answers and he knows Jay wants them. I don't think they were always like this of course, but this is a pattern of behavior that is too easy for them to fall into, and honestly could come from them being isolated and only having the other as a friend for so long in the somewhat rural south. When you are two hurt people in a bad situation, you tend to accidentally do stuff like this, as you grow around the other much like a tree and a strangling vine. There isn't anything wrong with that, the problem comes in with the fact that Alex never changed and neither did Jay, and under the corrupting influence of the Operator they're getting worse.

Despite that, I think if there are things Alex Kralie holds near and dear to the core of his self, Jay Merrick is one them, and I think because of that it is very likely that early on in season 2, Alex was still subconsciously fighting the Operator's compulsion. Now, I don't think he was consciously aware of it—lets not get ahead of ourselves—but we know Alex is a stubborn person, and if Jay was important to him I think he could've been resisting to some extent. We know the Operator's mental manipulation isn't absolute, as even if it leaves people believing they're right, Jay pushes back against it in Entry 82, fighting subconsciously before the Operator straightens him out. Why couldn't Alex have done that too? Why couldn't that be why Jay lives so long? Despite the fact Alex tried to knock Seth, Brian and Tim all out within 24 hours.

Advertisement: Curious why I believe that? Read the Deluge section of my analysis/theory, "why the hell is Brian using Catholic Imagery?"

I think the moment Alex finally crumbles, and the moment he is beyond saving, is Entry 52. There is a lot going on at this point between him and Jay, but to some degree I believe this is because he finds out about the Marble Hornets channel, and his trust in Jay, his guilt at the idea of killing him, his resistance to the Operator's manipulations- it crumbles. After all, if he can't trust Jay, who can he?

Alex: I didn’t want Jessica involved! That’s why I told her I found Amy! That’s your fault! When I gave you those tapes, I told you to never mention them again! I thought that implied not sharing them with the world!

◉ Entry 52, at four minutes, 18 seconds.

In Alex's eyes, Jay is practically spreading this sickness like candy on halloween. He is taking a delicate matter and manhandling it and undoing all Alex's hard work to contain it. Bringing in Jessica was bad but this- this is a new low. I think its possible Alex could have even been considering bringing Jay in to help him "stop" the sickness, whatever strange way Alex believes he can/is doing that, but this straw, finding the Marble Hornets channel, on top of everything else, it broke the camel's back.

That is when he finally, properly threatens the life of one of the most important things in his.

Alex only continues to decline after this point in the series, his death as a husk of who he once was being inevitable.

Footnote: For the record, I do not think Jay is some hapless victim of Alex, don't be silly. Jay is just as bad as him in a lot of regards, but is just actively less influenced by the Operator and more subtle with it. Honestly, he is a low empathy autist to me, and that doesn't inherently make him bad, but he also just doesn't act to try to be kind to people when he does inevitably pick up on things, instead prioritizing his own wants most the time or ignoring them unless he has a reason otherwise. He is selfish, and he acts selfishly throughout the series, and that is important to acknowledge about him. I think both he and Alex came from broken homes and I think their behavior and codependent relationship reflects that. Cougjs. If folks are interested in my highschool Jaylex headcanons feel free to send me an ask.

[radioisntdead]

Partner in crime

Alastor x gn! reader

Warnings: OOC, death, inaccurate portrayal of getting shot

Song used

You and Alastor had known each other for years, you were close childhood friends at least you thought you were,

You remember your mothers calling the two of you a couple of peas in a pod, or partners in crime,

It was funny, who would've thought the two of you would actually become partners in crime.

Maybe if you didn't have an unhealthy codependency on Alastor you wouldn't had ended up like you did.

When you're gone I feel alone again

You scrubbed away at the floor, cleaning away any remnant of the blood that was spilled that evening, Alastor had gone to bury the remains of the poor man he had slaughtered.

The voices cannot hold my hand

You would lure them in, you were good at lulling others into a false sense of security,

They keep me company at very best

and he'd kill them when they least expected it, sometimes you felt guilty but Alastor would be quick to convince you that your guilt was unnecessary, that the people whose lives the two of you stole away deserved it.

Distract me from my loneliness

They did deserve it right?

Maybe I'm just an anomaly

You continued scrubbing the floor clean, but no matter how hard you scrubbed you could never wash away the fact that someone had died there

Even my demons have their families

You wondered how their families reacted to their loved ones death, were they mournful, were they joyful? Did they not care? Did they even notice?

Truly something must be wrong with me

Would anyone notice if you died? Besides Alastor you didn't have many friends, sure you were kinda friends with Mimzy but that was only because of Alastor, and your family, well, let's not talk about that.

You really didn't have anyone but Alastor, and you were alright with that, if you had Alastor the rest of the world could burn for all you cared.

To need you as much as I do

You heard the door open, you hurriedly dropped the towel into the bucket of now cold water, grabbing another rag you wiped away the remaining liquid.

I was never meant to win

You smiled up at Alastor from the ground.

I was never meant to win

"Welcome back Alastor!"

I was never meant to win

Codependency is truly more harmful then people give it credit for.

You'd sacrifice anything, anyone just to remain by Alastor's side, just to see him smile which he did often.

Here's the reigns

You had done this who knows how many times,

Take ahold of me

Lure them in, hand over to Alastor and then clean up the aftermath while he hid the corpse.

Please don't let me go

You didn't change the routine by much, there wasn't much of a mess this time so Alastor asked that you tag along with him this time.

You do the talking

You held the lantern lighting his area as he dug a deep grave, wouldn't want the body resurfacing anytime soon right?

Sew up my mouth if I can't keep it closed

You whispered something to him before he climbed out of the hallow grave getting ready to put the poor soul he had mercilessly killed in it.

There's a dog barking right around the block

He had just gotten done burying the corpse, you were sat comfortably on the ground with the lantern in your lap, he reached out his hand to help you up.

You both froze when you heard the unmistakeable sound of dogs barking.

And a big ol' whistle blow

Alastor looked at you and you looked back at him, you quickly took his hand to pull yourself up, lantern in your free hand.

Run for it

The two of you ran, you could faintly hear the leaves crunching underneath your feet, the cold night wind stinging your face.

I'll keep em occupied for you

The barking got louder, and you tripped over a tree root, lantern falling onto the grass the candle inside falling just at the right angle to extinguish leaving you in the darkness, the only light coming from the moon and stars above.

Alastor kept running, did he know you fell? He wouldn't abandon you right?

Cause I love you, I love you so

You got up, not bothering to dust yourself off you continued running, you couldn't see Alastor.

Left me hangin at the station

You heard shouting.

Where was Alastor? Did he notice you were missing yet?

But you'll be back for me soon

You saw a glimpse of light.

I'm 'bout to die

You didn't even have time to make a noise as a gunshot was fired into your chest, you fell to the ground.

Where was Alastor? Did he get away? Or was he shot down like you were?

Yet the only thing I find i'm worried about is you

You shakily put a hand to the place where the bullet had just entered you, honestly it didn't hurt as much as you thought it would.

Something tells me you aren't coming

Your vision began to become blurry, was it the blood loss? You didn't think you'd die that quickly,

Would you get to see Alastor one last time?

Guess that I'm truly doomed

Alastor didn't notice you were gone did he? Or maybe he did? Did you really think a future cannibal, present serial killer like Alastor would come back for you? You were a liability.

I'm 'bout to die

It was funny, you knew what kind of person he was and you still held out hope that he wouldn't abandon you.

Yet the only thing I find I'm worried about is you

You still held out hope even as your blood covered the forest ground.

Tears swelled up in your eyes as you gazed up at the night sky,

You wondered if Alastor was looking up at the sky too, maybe he had gotten home already?

I'm 'bout to die

It was a good night to die, the last sight you'd see would be the star filled night sky.

Yet the thing on my mind seems to nearly be nothing but you

Alastor let out a string of French words as he turned around to go fetch you, hoping that you weren't too far behind.

I overhear your brain when it's close to mine

Branches and leaves crunched under his shoes as he sped through the woods.

Oh, I know that we're not the same

Your hope that he'd come back for you was slowly dwindling, the voices from before had disappeared, maybe they had fled, maybe they didn't know what they did, or maybe they just didn't care.

My heart's on the line

Alastor stopped by a tree for a moment to catch his breath, the only source of light was the moon and stars above.

I'm just a pawn in your game

To Alastor you were a expendable friend.

Not your partner in crime

In all reality though, To Alastor you were everything, he'd go through hell and back if you asked, he'd take down the most ruthless of people if it'd make you smile.

And you're slowly killing me

You felt tired, you wanted to close your eyes but you fought to keep them open.

You didn't want to die.

Taking your time

Alastor continued running, soon enough he stumbled upon you.

You're slowly killing me, taking your time

With red soaked clothing you laid limp on the ground.

You're slowly killing me

"[Name]? Mon étoile?"

Taking your- I was never meant to win

You smiled as you heard Alastor's voice.

You're slowly killing me

You didn't know if you were imagining it or if he really came back for you,

Maybe it was a last act of comfort given to you before you died.

Taking your- I was never meant to win

Alastor leaned down beside you, he gently put a hand on your cheek.

You're slowly killing me

You smiled at him, just barely being able to mutter an "Alastor."

And yet I don't mind You were never meant to win

You couldn't keep your eyes open anymore.

You're slowly killing me,

The last thing you saw was Alastor, and the last thing you heard was another gunshot.

But please take your time

At least the two of you would be reunited soon enough.

Good evening folks! Originally I was supposed to post the murder Valentino with JoJo Siwa playing in the background fic today but I hit a slump with the ending and plus I think may have eaten something unfortunate because I feel sick so uh, BACK TO BACK ANGST Y'ALL, ALASTOR TODAY, TV MAN TOMORROW!

[thought--bubble]

If I had the love I needed Pt 2 (Final Part)

Will (Salad Days) X (Friend Reader)

Warnings Below

Word Count: 2,634

If I Had The Love I Needed Master List

Will (Salad Days) Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings: Smutty Smut (P in V Protected) . Codependency, Mentions of alcoholism, Mentions of Violence.

"Then why can't you sleep?" He asks his voice teasing.

Your eyes go wide as you slightly shift, but say nothing.

He takes his hand off your stomach and places it on your jaw, turning your face towards his.

"You're beautiful, you know that, right?" He rubs his nose against your cheek, and your heart rate speeds up.

"You're just like me," he whispers into your ear, and you look at him with confusion.

"Unwanted, unloved, forgettable." he nuzzles his nose into your jaw and slowly drags it down your neck.

You swallow as you feel tears start to form in your eyes. He grabs you by your side and turns you so you are flat on your back.

"Don't cry" he runs his finger gently against your cheek.

" I want you," he nuzzles your cheek. "I'll love you," he nibbles on your jaw line. "I'll always remember you." he brings his hand back up to your chin and turns your head so you are looking him directly in the eyes.

"The world ignores people like us." he gently pushes up your jumper and rubs your bare stomach as he pushes his nose to the shell of your ear. "But I see you."

You let out a breathy sigh. "W-what about Leah?" He freezes his movements for a moment

"What about her?" His voice sounds a bit more tense, but the hand he had down on your stomach did not stop its exploration down the side of your body gently gripping as it travels.

"I t-thought you were in -" he cuts you off

"Confused is what i was." his hand travels down to the side of your hip gently gripping at the flesh there.

"Known her a long time. Got a bit confused, is all. " he puts his leg over yours while running his nose along the side of your cheek.

"But she doesn't understand..... not like you do"

You take a deep breath in, every move he makes against your skin, sending electric currents through your veins.

"Don't you feel it? The connection between us?" He pushes himself up against your side "I felt it right away. You're supposed to be mine"

You're weary of how quickly this is escalating, but you can't deny you feel drawn to him. It's like a month to a flame. Like a magnet sliding until the two of you snap together perfectly in place.

You cup his cheek and look into his eyes. His eyes are beautiful, a bright blue swirling with lust, pain, adoration, and just a bit of fear.

You lean forward and gently kiss his lips. He responds with a hunger, grabbing the sides of your face and pressing his lips harshly against yours. You separate as he looks down at you, pressing his forehead to yours.

"I want you," he says in a deep, husky voice. It's clear he understands the power such a simple statement holds for a person like you. Someone rejected all their life. He understands how badly you need to hear that you are wanted because he needs to hear it to.

You reach up and gently stroke his cheek with your fingertip. "I want you too"

"Yeah?" He smiles, showing just a little bit of teeth.

You nod and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his face back to yours and begin to kiss him more passionately, your tounges swirling around each other in a show of appreciation and lust.

He moves off of you momentarily and reaches into his bedside drawer. He shuffles around for a minute before he pulls out a condom and slides it under the pillow beneath your head.

He leans over you again and gently nips at the tip of your ear before whispering, "I'm going to make you mine"

Your face flushes red as heat pools in your belly. He moves over you, separating your legs with his knee and settling himself between them.

He slides his arms underneath your shoulders, pulling your body up tight against his as he nuzzles into your neck.

"You're so special," he mumbles into the crook of your neck. You feel warmth travel through your entire being at his praise.

He presses himself hard against your core. The feeling of his hardened cock inside his joggers driving you mad with want.

He starts to move himself against you, breathing heavily, his breath on your neck making you shiver.

He slides an arm out from under you and grabs your thigh, pulling your leg up and rutting against you harder.

"So fuckin pretty" he groans.

"So sweet," he exhales unsteadily, sliding his other hand under your bum and pressing you tighter to him.

He ruts against you again and decends upon your mouth, kissing you sweetly and nibbling your bottom lip.

"And all mine," he pulls back and starts to slide your panties down your legs until he gets them off and returns to his previous position.

He brings a hand to your heat, gently gathering some of the moisture there, and bringing it up to your pearl while he starts rub you in slow circles.

You close your eyes and moan quietly.

"Look at me," he demands. "I want to see your eyes"

You open your eyes and look directly at him, and he speeds up his movements and the pressure against your pearl.

You pant as you and Will maintain eye contact as you hurtle closer and closer to your climax.

He watches you, jaw slack as you pant, face slightly contorted in pleasure.

"Oh god," you whine as you sit on the edge of your pleasure.

"That's it. Cmon. Give it to me, " he growls as he nips at your chin.

You release two broken moans as you are rocked by your climax, clamping your legs around his body.

He continues to rub you gently as you ride out your high until he has you twitching with overstimulation at his touch.

He chuckles as he removes his hand "that was bloody beautiful"

You are still breathing heavily as he nips and kisses along your jaw line.

He pulls his joggers and boxers down and off as he keeps his eyes glued to your face as you are coming down from your high.

He reaches under the pillow and grabs the condom he had placed there earlier and gets it on quickly.

He lays back down on top of you. He kisses and lightly bites your cheek.

"You're perfect." He breathes deep as he begins to press into you "so fuckin perfect" he says through gritted teeth.

He buries himself to the hilt and stops

" You ok?" He looks down at you, pushing some loose hairs from your face.

You reach up and curl your fingers in some of the hair at the base of his head. "Yeah, I'm perfect"

He smiles, and he kisses you gently and starts moving in and out of you slowly as if savoring every inch of your body surrounding his.

"Yeah, ya are." he slightly increases his pace as he grabs your thigh and lifts your leg.

He places his other hand on your stomach as he continues to thrust against you.

You pant in short bursts.

"You're mine now," he growls and tightens his grip on your thigh. You nod and whimper.

"Say it," he demands and stares directly into your eyes as he continues his movements, slamming his hips harder against you.

"Yours, oh god, I'm yours" you say between pants and whimpers

He starts to rub your pearl again while he fucks into you quickly.

"That's right, mine," he grunts and closes his eyes and leans his head back.

You quickly approach your peak a second time.

"Cmon, beautiful one more for me." he grips your thigh so tight you can feel his nails slightly digging into the skin. His movements becoming uneven and sloppy

You grip his arm and dig in with your nails as your entire body shudders with pleasure the tips of your toes curling and a tingling sensation traveling up your legs.

"Fuck yes" he grabs both sides of your hips as he drills into you chasing his own pleasure as he keeps his eyes locked on yours. You revel in the way his face is red, jaw slack with beads of sweat dripping by the end of his eyebrow.

He slams his hips into you once, twice, three more times before he comes undone with a gasp and stills as he grips your hips so tightly you know you will have marks there tomorrow.

After he comes down a bit, he chuckles. "Yeah," he runs his finger from the top of your nose down to your lips, pulling down your bottom lip. "You are definitely mine"

And he absolutely meant it. After that night, the two of you are almost inseparable. You're his girl, and he makes sure that everyone knows it.

When you're together, he is always touching you in some way. Arm around your shoulders, holding your hand or even pulling you down to sit in his lap. The two of you hardly go anywhere without each other except for when Will, Tom, and Matt are out doing God knows what. On one such occasion, you find yourself in the company of Leah, something that has become more and more rare the more time you spend with Will.

"I'm not saying he isn't good for you..... I'm just concerned the two of you seem a bit..... I don't know how to explain it... but it just doesn't seem healthy. " Leah attempts to explain her concerns gently, knowing how close you and Will have become.

You shoot her a sideways glance, trying not to let your annoyance show on your face. "This is probably the best relationship I've ever had. It is healthy. We just like each other a lot. I get him, and he gets me"

Leah just nods and hums.

"Just be careful with him, yeah? Don't let him get you into trouble"

You roll your eyes clearly annoyed by this topic. "He won't. He would never want to get me in trouble. " Your response is quick and confident. You trust Will completely and know that Leah's concerns are unnecessary.

"What he means to do and what he actually does don't always line up. Just be careful"

At this point, you have grown so weary of Leah and her concerns that you just nod your head, hoping she will drop the topic. Which she does after a few more concerned looks at you, which you promptly ignore.

As the two of you move on to other topics. Leah's pregnancy scare and your aunts current state included it gets later and later, and still no word from Will. You continue to check your phone throughout the night and when it is nearly midnight and he still hasn't contacted you, you decide that he must have a good reason why you didn't get your usual good night text or his usual demand for you to stay where you are until he can get there to walk you home.

You bid your goodbyes to Leah and head home through the dark, cold streets of Derby. Hood up, keeping your eyes glued to the sidewalk. Luckily, your aunts flat isn't too far from Leah's house, so you get home without incident.

You enter the flat as quietly as possible. Peering around the corner of the entryway into the living room. Your aunt is face down on the sofa, snoring and drooling into the cushions, a few empty bottles scattered around the floor.

"Brilliant," you sigh and start collecting the bottles, dropping them quietly into the bin before beginning the daunting task of getting your aunt from the couch and into her bedroom.

You gently shake her shoulder. " Auntie cmon," you say, barely above a whisper. She grunts and groans while slurring some incoherent noises. "Cmon auntie," you finally coax her off the couch and gently lead her to her room and guide her to her bed where she plops down and rolls over, falling directly into a drunken slumber.

You gently close her bedroom door and sigh.

"Fuck me" you rub your temple and head into your bedroom packing your mini backpack knowing in a day or two you will inevitably be kicked from the flat once again.

Once packed, you fall back on your bed exhausted. The second you close your eyes, your phone chirps. You quickly roll over and grab your phone and smile when you see the text is from will.

"Come outside," is all the text says. So you quickly get up and run to the front door to find him standing on your stoop. Jumper hood over his head and backpack on his back.

"Hey," you say, smiling, opening your arms for a hug.

He wraps his arms around you and buries his face in your neck. He's shuddering and his breathing seems choppy.

You pull your head back and try to get a better look at his face. It's red like he has been crying.

You touch his cheek. "What's happened?" Your voice is laced with concern.

"We have to go." He says abruptly. "Pack a bag, quick"

"What are you talking about?" You say confused."Where are we going?"

"I can't explain right now, but please just get a bag, and let's go." He goes around you and into your flat heading into your bedroom.

"Will" you whisper yell while following him.

"What is going on?" You ask as he opens your closet and starts grabbing at random clothing items.

You put your hand on his arm. "Will stop! What is going on?"

He sighs and looks at you frustrated "that thing. The thing I told you went sideways the other day? Well, it went way more than sideways, and I need to leave, and I ain't leaving without you, so pack"

You sigh, and when you turn your head to look at what he is pulling from your closet, you spot his knuckles torn up and bloody.

Your breath catches. "Will..... what did you do?"

He rubs his fingers against his forehead. "I beat the hell out of Matt." He avoids eye contact as he digs around the floor of your closet looking for a bag to pack.

"What? Why?" Your heart is beating incredibly fast and your stomach is turning.

"There is only enough money for two people to disappear....." he looks up at you. "Don't look at me like that. Not you."

"What are -" he cuts you off as he grabs your hands

" I'm sorry. I'm not a great man. Hell, I don't think I'm even a good or decent man, and maybe if I had the love I needed, I'd be a better man, but I'm not. But now. Now I do have the love I need, and damn it, I can't leave it behind. No, I won't leave it behind, so please, please, I'm begging you. Pack a bag"

You look into his eyes, and you know, there is no chance he is leaving without you.

"I'm already packed." You grab your mini backpack and throw it over your shoulder.

"Yeah?" He asks voice full of hope.

You grab his hand and shoot him a small smile. "Let's go"

He pulls you toward the door of the flat as you spare one last glance at your aunts bedroom door before you quietly close the front door.

This is crazy and you have no idea how this is going to work out, but you do know one thing. You, just like him, finally have the love you always needed, and you'd be damned if you let it just leave without you.

To be added to taglist click here

My Wonderful friend Raye @ewanmitchellconnoisseur wrote an alternative ending to this story be sure to check it out here.

[alicelairds]

gossip girl characters/ships as audrey gillispie songs (because I can). underneath the cut because it's Very Long

light switch - 🪑: no other explanation needed other than the lyrics

what are you trying to prove? / what kind of game am i to you? / over and over and over again / untying my shoes to try and make me fall again / but i'd never fall again / switching the lights so i'm dizzy and lost / and i come stumbling into your arms / now, when you hold me all i feel is lost

blue - jenny: perfectly encapsulates her arc

why do i try to fit in? / sink every time that i swim / i suffer in silence out of habit / never turn to violence, i don't have it in me

sometimes, you're better off 'lone / in some ways, i'm kind of like a shadow / and i'm something you don't take, but you borrow

used to love the way i saw the world / all the colors that i heard / thought i'd always be the girl my dad saw in me growing up / but i let myself just go, and everybody knows / i'm starting to think its true / now that the worlds gone blue

close to you - dair (in dan's pov): i made post about this if you've seen it. it's not really Sappy romance song, it's kind of sad. it really is to me dair's downfall

and i don't know what you want, but i want you / i want you / and it breaks me when you won't let me get through / to be close to you i wouldn't know where to begin, if only you'll let mе in / are you ready to show me? / 'causе it breaks me when you won't let me get through / to be close to you

deep end - jenate (the day i write a codependent jenate fic, i will be using this song): but Also I could be convinced of this being jagnes as well. it's in jenny's pov either way

close my eyes / there's nothing like the feeling of you / on my mind / drowning in an ocean hoping / you'd be mine / tension rising know you feel a vibe / i want you bad tonight / your skin on my skin / done with the last boy yeah i'm over him / can't find me round here / well, where have you been

and now we're off of the deep end / and it's getting hard to breathe in here / call me crazy, baby i can't let you go / nothing you don't know / and now we're off in the deep end / and you ain't giving me a reason / to shut you out because there's nothing you don't know / i can't let you go

fall for you again - natessa: like Their Entire relationship in season 2

you said your friends and your family too loved us together but it doesn't seem like you do / and i have a feeling / that you miss me too / but if i'm wrong just let me dream a life of me and you / and my heart wants to hate you / so fuckin' bad, but then you look at me and i think / "how could i be mad?"

and you know you don't have to try / 'cause i made it clear you're mine / whenever you're ready to try this, say when / just call me and i'd fall for you again

photosynthesis - serenate (in nate's pov): but Not in a positive way. At All. sorry NS shippers </3

maybe my love was too much for you baby / that must be why it was easy to leave me /seems to be my fatal feeling of lately / i just don't know when to quit / i know my love should be appreciated / guess that i'm glad that you left when you did / 'cause you're never there, never call, never listen / and you don't know how to commit / but if you don't want / someone who would've gave it all for ya / that's not my problem, you can run your mouth

in conclusion - jenny: Also made a post on it. another one that really hits her character hard and her emotional decline

can't tell dreams from reality / when can i just let it be / but finally, trust is now confusion / 'cause I don't like myself / in conclusion

i'm still in recovery / from suppressing everything they did to me / and time is an illusion / i hate who i've become / in conclusion

franklin drive - jenate: relistening to this song just really Screamed them energy. just look at the lyrics that I chose and tell me that it's Not them

you say / i remind you of the moon / i look at her and ask, "how could anyone say I'm as beautiful as you?" / i used to hear the wise whispers of my trust issues, but they're silent when i'm with you

i want my toothbrush in your bathroom / and i wanna undress your black corduroy suit i know your favorite color, it's a light baby blue / sometimes i pretend your last name belongs to me too

boy with the rosy cheeks - derena (later seasons in serena's pov): I don't know how to describe it properly but it's just so serena's feelings

ain't a doubt in your mind / you went ahead and left me blind / i wouldn't do the same / i'd want you from afar / now look at where we are / we're farther apart / than before we met / and i / need you to love me cause I need some loving too / when you look at me it's like i'm just see-through / and all i want is some loving too

i'm everywhere but your arms - nair

and i still keep your mother's mother's ring on my dresser / because i know i won't be the one with your ring on my finger

by the way just know i miss you / but how the hell did you move on so fast? / if she ever gets to know you / she will love you dear but it won't last / this is a warning / you'll never bе the one

you're stupid - dair

driving through another red light / on the passenger side / it's the middle of the night / and i'm calling you crazy / while you're calling me baby / i don't wanna close my eyes / cause I'm here right now / tryna memorize every crack in your lips / cause i already miss it

loved you since december 8th / tell in love with the way / that you say my name / wanna play it on repeat / wanna see how you see me / before it all we could feel the sparks / looked at you like art / colored in my heart / and nothing's changed since / we just keep on painting / and you call me every night / tryna hold on to goodbye 'til we leave it

jewels - blairena: just Vibes.

i'm glad you left but what a waste of time / you found your peace at the expense of mine / sit down pick the jewels off your crown / they're just fake just like you anyways / disloyal, can't trust what you say "so royal" in every way / you're loveless and it's a disease to the next girl / thank god it's not me

i wanna hear how you're hurt / when it's the least that you deserve / and maybe one day you will learn / when karma comes 'round for your turn

catharsis - 🪑

so i try and try, to distract myself / but i want an eye for an eye / 'cause you put me through hell / you made me lose my mind / and at the same time / i lost myself / but i still wish you well

destroyed myself to keep your wishes you're scaring tactics never missed, and when you / think about me like i know you do / remember, i was close to you

forever - serenate (serena's pov): not shippy but still

sometimes i think about how i will be like this forever / and cry because i feel like you deserve better / the damage that i cause cause of my damage / and i can't wrap my mind round how you manage / to love me when we're at a disadvantage / and it's all my fault / i go outside just to fake a smile / i've been running for hours and haven't hit a mile / you've been patient with me while i try and reconcile / with the voices in my head

spontaneous love affair - serena: no specific pairing but this is just Serena in general

could you be my lover even though we don't know each other cause i'm all alone / and i need / a spontaneous love affair

under the lights let's watch the stars fall / until we go blind / i know that this sounds crazy, but do you think you could be the one for me? / i know that we're young, but can we try and make the most of this crazy scene?

my life's missing something and I'm not sure what to do maybe it's you / let's go on adventures no matter what the weather just us two

doing a front flip and hoping i will land - nate: I can't specify Why exactly. it just has nate energy to me

didn’t expect to be here / all of these years came and went / and it’s still going / i know that i gotta get strong / learn to move on from the things that never served me / finding out things i shouldn’t have / i can forgive but can’t forget / go to the beach when i get sad

i see the things they couldn’t have / maybe i’m special cause of that / while somebody else is thinking that of themselves too / so maybe that means i'm not alone / can i just get better on my own / growing up feels like getting thrown

[szollibisz]

i recently imagined Owen (without his knowledge) being immortal a la Old Guard/Jack Harkness etc. how do you think Everything that's Wrong with him would be affected once he wakes after having been shot in the head by Curt? like sure, realising that Curt's love for him wasn't enough for Curt to stay or look for him is one thing. but him realising that Curt is fully capable of killing him while he thought himself the Joker to Curt's Batman, not to mention his eternal hesitation to kill Curt... that would destroy him on an entirely new level, i think.

oh absolutely, there's one thing in the world that could make him worse and it's that. it would be unrecoverable

i think he'd be completely just like. broken for a while trying to process everything, and then he'd go back to his normal regular misery x100

I imagine him as a character who looks at himself more like a means to an end than a person. That's why spying and then chimera were so important to him. His only purpose is to work for a greater goal, because he can and others can't (in both like a god complex and a dog way. if that makes sense) so in my interpretation of his character and curtwen the breaking of that pattern is what's so fascinating. Instead of having a greater goal for owen to completely dedicate his life to, it's suddenly a person.

He developed this deep, all-consuming love for curt, and honestly believed curt felt at least similar. When in reality curt was codependent on owen yes, but he generally felt a normal human amount of love, that is again, relatively normal. (Which is what owen realized after the fall.) Still, this was the time in his life when owen felt the most human. People aren't like long term goals such as "saving the world" they constantly give back in small ways, and ground you, and after all we are social creatures who need connection. But unlike ambitions, people can disappoint you in completely new ways every day.

So after the fall, owen's only option was to go back to normal. Find his ambition and give himself over to the greater goal. But in all that time he couldn't quite get rid of curt, or his remaining feelings for him whether that's hate or love. So owen, after finally feeling happy and like his feelings were reciprocated by someone for the first time, got everything taken away from him and had to rebuild from scratch. cue being way more miserable than in the pre-curt era.

This is probably the cycle that would repeat again. Owen thinks curt loves him more than he actually does -> owen is let down by curt -> owen stops looking for happiness altogether and goes back to being a tool for a better future -> miserable because he gave up on happiness

Like obviously if we mean immortal immortal, that's probably something that owen would thrive in, in the long run. i'm talking world's most productive vampire. knows all languages, connections everywhere, definitely off the hinges. But for the time after curt shoots him yeah. probably in a mood where he kills people for breathing too loud, but internally (and sometimes externally) cries himself to sleep every night

ok jesus this was so long i'm sorry. i just have a lot of thought about this guy

[chestersbraincell]

I do sometimes worry that, in the midst of Genzy being the most utterly sweet hurt comfort ship, and Genzou being just genuinely very kind and caring and understanding to Iggy, that people forget that Genzou is still a huge dick. That's like, literally a key aspect of his character+it's development.

I'm not saying he's irredeemable, ofc not. I am just as much of a fan of wholesome Genzy scenarios as the next person. But l'm not a fan of Genzou being reduced to "Iggy's ace-supportive comforty boyfriend".

Further ramble/character analysis/speculation under cut:

He's a tragic character who's deeply self conscious at his core and projects/deflects that by being a douche to others, until it becomes a habit. Until, even though he feels like a shitty person because of how much he just lets his mouth run without thinking, he can't really stop. And that brings him deep shame, which he copes with the only way he knows how. By internalising it and adding it to the list of insecurities, in a way further allowing himself to just be shitty not only because he believes trying to be better is hopeless, but also likely to push people away. Pushing people away not only to prevent them from getting hurt by his foul mouth, but also to prevent anyone from ever getting close to him, because he knows he'd only cause them harm.

The latter I feel is reinforced by his hinted situationship(??) with Orlam in his highschool years. Especially in his younger years after just learning to come to terms with his blindness, I feel like he'd have a relatively strong burden complex. le, when compiled with all his other insecurities, he's scared to let people in because he's scared to drag them down with him.

Orlam, likely seeing the chance to finally get on his good side, probably felt driven to help Genzou out in a situation where many people around him had abandoned him(as hinted by the fact that Iggy, only AFTER the events of Wonderland in the epilogue is made clear to visit him in the hospital). Being in an especially vulnerable situation and feeling likely extremely alone, Genzou relented and somewhat bonded with Orlam.

This, of course, with Genzou's well-known issue of filtering himself only made said relationship more toxic, but the two were too codependent on one another still to let go. For Orlam, this likely resulted in a trauma bond I imagine, but for Genzou I think it only deepened the internalisation of his "im a bad person" rhetoric.

He was too dependent on Orlam, all the while being entirely aware of how toxic this relationship was, unable to let go and separate himself.

All in all there is ALOT of angst to be had with Genzou and I'm tired of pretending there's not

Okay jfc that got long, thanks for coming to my ted talk ig

[shepcdr]

was thinking about the idea that post-me3 happy ending shepard would benefit from a service dog but i know he'd just end up with smth like this

anyway. jokes aside. more rambling re: the post-me3 ending thoughts below

the scenarios im cooking will work i think whether or not the normandy crew have already returned from being crashed on that random planet in the middle of gods-know-where?? ... though i do have some thoughts on how he struggles with vulnerability going from strong and capable commander shepard to... what he is, after the war. aka an injured and disabled man who needs to heal, but he doesn't immediately see that — but the main difference, if the normandy crew is there, is he goes through... some difficulties with being perceived as vulnerable and weak around them. people who've only ever known him to be commander shepard, relentless and hardened and impossible to knock down.

post-me3 — depending on if they're even there, or if they arrive back on the citad lwhilst he's still in the process of recovering, re-learning basic functionality, even unable to walk again yet — is a really hard struggle. Either he's struggling to function without his crew there (because this is how he feels about ALL the normandy crew btw [excerpt from this thread]:

because he bonds on such a deep. and v codependent level when it comes to the mass effect crew, especially the me1 people. these were the first people he trusted after so many years of self-isolation and loneliness)... Or he's experiencing the horrific struggle of "holy shit i can't let them see me, the man they followed across the galaxy to fight REAPERS, like this"

but all that aside:

i think he'd jump onto helping rebuild as soon as he's physically capable. he doesn't know what else to do, and he's probably best off not using biotics for a while (uncertain what the destroy ending ... EMP sort of thing would have done to his biotics implant but either way. his body probably needs all the help it can get recovering. so no biotics). he certainly can't jump back into active duty whilst still struggling with even day to day functioning, and perhaps even struggling with having undergone some amputation (i'm undecided on that part...). So, volunteer work. Rebuilding both structurally and in terms of of contributing to community, building that all back up in the aftermath of horrific suffering and loss.

And part of that means he ends up on earth for a bit and perhaps.. passing through the area where he grew up. just to see how hard the reapers hit. and then he'd decide to stay a bit and help out!!!

bc i'm always always thinking about the various news you can hear in me2, in particular... about the Shepard Memorial scholarship on earth that's aimed towards disadvantaged kids (well. aka just sends them to the Alliance. but that's certainly a step up from a lot of situations they could be in) and the "Shepards" charity that conrad formed to help orphans/POWs/refugees... and i think after some contemplation, that's where shepard's mind goes first. so he sticks around, puts in some work in the place he came up in + in other low-income and disadvantaged areas/communities similar to it. my heart says he's particular dedicated to charity & work with disadvantaged kids. he bounces between there and anderson's apartment on the citadel, because he's helping there too (and. because. do they ever?? fucking move that thing back to where it was?? or is it permanently hovering above earth now? — i like to think in control ending that shepard as the catalyst + the reapers help rebuild, and drag the citadel back where it used to be because. just easier that way for everyone. but, like, in a post-destroy ending??? it's just stuck there now...)

and he probably has a dingy and modest little apartment he rents on earth around where he grew up, where he's concentrating a lot of these efforts. and in the morning he gets out on the streets for a morning run with this giant fuck-off service dog in tow... it's sitting there with him so well-behaved when he's hanging around with the bunches of rowdy kids he's working with ...

[floridakilo]

Maybe I need some advice... even just like, gut reaction, single sentence. I don't know. I'm at a crossroads.

Insane deep love. Mutual codependence, but also genuinely mutually supportive in other ways. Incredibly healing. Inner children connecting. Lots of laughter, playfulness, intimacy, great head, almost perfect sexual compatibility, companionship ................ video game addiction. Not quite a porn addiction but it's not great. We also seem to want different things out of life now. No style. Social skills weak, introvert. No home training. Insecurity. We don't go out and do things. 100% sober and straight edge and intends on being so for his entire life. Worst part, I mother him. He never had one. I love this guy with all my fucking heart and soul. So much that it hurts. And yet, I want something different. Only guy I've ever been with. Don't know anything else. If and/or when I break up with him it would kill my heart and his. I stay with him because it's comfortable. Really feeling like I'm wasting time now. I've never told anybody this.

He's told me that I need to pursue what's best for me, and if a better life doesn't include him, then so be it, even if that breaks his heart. I can't bring myself to do it. This sounds very juvenile, I'm sorry, I dont know how else to express it. I'm at a loss.

this sounds very similar to my own first relationship so i’m biased… at the end of the day if what you want out of your future is not compatible with what he wants than i would just let the relationship run its natural course… doesn’t need to be some big dramatic “breakup” esp sense you’re both young… i wouldn’t hold yourself back over just one guy even if you feel comfortable in the moment

[sailormoonrewrite]

An Update on The Situation from a Few Weeks Ago

So, my regulars on here know I posted something about the bit of drama I stupidly started over fanfiction, and I decided to update everyone on how that's going.

I'm happy to say that I and the author worked things through and that they're a genuinely lovely person. What I did was inexcusable, and I had no right to come onto their story and act coco for cocoa puffs, and they had every right to shun me and reject my apology. But they didn't. They forgave me and let bygones be bygones, and I really respected that and them.

Because of this, I decided to reread the story for what it is rather than what I want it to be, which is excellent. It's up to chapter 8 now, and most of the criticisms, like Zelda being too passive and Link being too cruel, are starting to be addressed. We see more of Zelda taking charge of situations and how her sweet and friendly face with Link is more of a facade to hide the hurt he made her feel when he left her alone. This idea is interesting, and I wonder how it will affect her partnership with Link the more time they spend together. Will her feelings of betrayal boil over? Will she decide to move on from Link now that he's starting to be interested in her? I don't know, but I can't wait to see. As for Link, we're getting more into his trauma and the fact that he does feel guilty for letting his bitterness and anguish consume him for all those years, which I do appreciate since his characterization and the fact he didn't seem to receive too many consequences was the main complaint. As for the relationship I criticized harshly, it should not be seen as the healthiest in these early chapters. There's a lot of trauma, controlling behavior, and codependency with them. Honestly, I don't see or like them together at this point because I just think they'd make each other worse, and I still don't get why Zelda likes Link to the point of sacrificing her humanity for him, but maybe that's the point. We may find out as the story goes on that Zelda and Link will have to face the fact they both messed up in their relationship and they can't just ignore the problems by running away from them or covering them up with a smile. It's a very mature outlook, and I credit the author.

On the subject of that, though, I do have to thank another commenter for giving me a more nuanced outlook on Link. During my first read-through, admittedly,y I was very unfair to this version of Link since I thought he was too far from his standard characterization in the game proper and just saw him as a jerk who takes advantage of Zelda's infinite kindness and love for him before barging into her life now that she seemed like his manic pixie girl again, and while to an extent I still think that he does get off a bit too quickly with Zelda and his friends, the commenter helped me realized I did I take a one-dimensional look at his situation. It seems like this Link doesn't have all his memories back from the games and has a hard time reconciling who he was and who he is now, which isn't helped by his feelings for Zelda and her feelings for who he was, so I guess I can understand why he would get mad at her for what happened. However, I still don't think it makes it okay for him to humiliate her in public before refusing to speak to her for years on end and then trying to control elements of her life, but I think the story knows this, so I'll reserve judgment in the meantime.

And honestly, that's what I should've done in the first place. Reserve judgment. I blew up and had an insane meltdown on chapter 5, instead of waiting to see where the story was going. Most of my criticisms were addressed. Link realizes how wrong he was for putting his trauma above Zelda's well-being and leaving her. Zelda's passivity masks the hurt she feels deep down while still being in love with the person who did that to her.

I'm excited to see where this story goes and where the characters are taken.

Now, I'm not a fan of Link or his relationship with Zelda yet -honestly, I just want her to move on from him and get with Prince Charming- but my opinion did change after I made another attempt at judging it based on its own merits, not my wants.

I am glad to have read the story, and I'm even more thrilled they are continuing. I can't wait to see the catharsis that comes in the end, and this experience has taught me a lot. Do I regret what I did? Yes. Very much so. Would I take it back if I could? More than anything. However, it did force me to confront an ugly side of myself that I don't like to think about too much. I can have a temper, be controlling, and be overzealous with my thoughts and headcanons. Is that fine with my own books and fanfictions? I suppose. But with other people's? No. It's not. This is their cake, not mine, and they should be able to bake it however they want. If I had something to say about it, I should've said it more congenially and waited until it was first out of the mixing stage.

Overall, I learned from this that you have to be nice on the internet. The world isn't Twitter or X. You don't have to be mean to get your point across, and when somebody is creating something that's not your favorite thing, at least wait until it's done before you try a piece.

I was wrong in this situation, and if I just waited a couple more weeks, then everything I was angry about would've been addressed anyway.

I'm happy I was able to work things out with the author and get a new perspective on the story from someone who took the time to speak to me.

Anyways, that's all from me right now.

Still working on the next episode and hope to have it out by the end of February.

[elisedonut]

Colin/Percy is a ship for me that just comes from just loving both characters alot but honestly Dennis/Percy is creeping up on me very quickly

the more I think about it the more fascinated by the idea of these two I become

Like its unhealthy in that codependent people tend to not even realize how codependent they've become kinda way

Dennis needs stability after graduating, being back at hogwarts was that for him and it helped alot at the time

mostly in him blocking out what happened for the most part and going full toxic positivity and only really grieving in spurts where he just breaks down every few months when it really hits him.

And Percy desperately needs someone to take care of because he is spiraling out of control in a deep depression.

For awhile George is this for him but as George is starting the slow process of healing he needs his brother less and less.

Not really but that's how Percy sees it.

He doesn't think he's of much more help to him though he stays there for him.

So when the year after Dennis' graduation on the end of the war's anniversary like event that alot of fics have happen at Hogwarts

Percy finds Dennis hiding away in a empty room because he physically couldn't stomach being in the great hall they end up talking and Percy feels useful again because he can help him. Because after months of feeling like he can't do anything he's actually being able to help.

and sadly cant type more because i have to get ready for work but this is stuck in my head

Five hours later

Ok so work is over i can add more of my thoughts(tm) to this

So when i said needs its more of a what they think they need situation

because as stated Dennis actually didn't do that hot in his last few Hogwarts years but the thing is

he thinks he did

he thinks its best to try to bury the feeling down with the distraction of semi-normalcy.

He thinks he's doing so much worse for himself after graduation when in reality he's finally actually really grieving.

He needs something(someone) to pull him out of bed if need be

someone who makes all the plans

tells him what needs to happen and when

and then holds him to it

because otherwise he falls into a cycle of never doing anything but being in a depression coma or pretending everything is fine while wishing he was in a depression coma

We don't know if Colin and Dennis were running/hiding together or separate from the snatchers but for this concept i think its more fun to think they were running together and that Dennis blames himself for letting Colin fight even though

letting is a strong word because really?

did he have any control over this situation?

No

Anyway

point is Percy blames himself for Fred

Dennis blames himself for Colin

*gestures vaguely as if I'm making even a little bit of sense*

[psychelis-new]

Hii how are you?? I would really need your guidance in a situation happening to me the past year and a half. I'm new to spirituality so I don't know how to properly navigate signs etc

So the situation goes like this. I have a crush on a guy from university since last year. He is really closed off and shy, so naturally I tried to get close to him. I talked to him a couple of times sporadically but it never went anywhere.

The thing is that any time I'm trying to let go, something happens that pulls me back in, like I will have a dream about him and it's mostly about us walking holding hands. I've been seeing 1111 everywhere, his name is mentioned from people in my circle. Yesterday a random man on the street mentioned someone with the same last name as this guy.

I don't know if it's in my head but there is stagnancy to the connection and I need clarity. It feels like I can't move on, like there is a string holding me here but irl I don't see any movement on his behalf. And it's all very confusing to me. Whan do you think ???

Hey, I'm kinda good thanks for asking, hope you are too!

Okay to be entirely honest it doesn't have to be just spiritual stuff here. It could be something psychological too. Don't get me wrong, if you "feel" there's some spiritual connection or a red-string of fate going on and maybe you have found out about it also in readings and pacs, it could be that. Or a mix of the two. I'm not doing readings now, but since it's someone you interacted with, you can come back when I open them and ask again if you want.

Now, leaving the spiritual part on the side for a moment: the fact is that oftentimes we feel attraction towards people that are closed off or hard to reach cause we fear connections or getting too deep or vulnerable with someone. It feels "less risky" especially when it comes to past abandonment experiences we had or a certain type of environment we grew up in. It could also speak about some codependency traits or gaslighting. Idk if any of this may resonate with you or if you even grew up in a family in which even unconsciouly such relationships/situations were going on (this could make them comfortable/known/what you are used to/what you learned you need/deserve, and so you may unconsciously search for similar emotions/situations/plays also in other relationships), but it's an option to consider. Our minds are weirdos, but they do crazy stuff just to keep us safe and in a known zone, even if that known zone is toxic/risky (again not saying it's necessarily your case! I'm just trying to give you/others reading a wider point of view on what I learned may happen inside of us when it comes to love, and how we may unconsciously keep ourselves stuck in the same cycle).

The signs you mentioned are not necessarily (notice I'm not saying "not at all") connected to a spiritual relationship between you two: you may simply notice them more cause this guy runs free in the back of your mind, so you immediately think about him when you hear his name or anything that may be related to him. And this plays with you even more if you're trying to avoid realizing your true intentions/feelings for him but are simply trying to push them away and move away from him and/or the connection. Psychologically speaking, it's like if I told you to not think about the blue elephant. Now all you could see in your mind is a blue elephant and if you saw something blue (even a car passing by), you'd just think about the blue elephant again. The dreams about holding hands could really speak to you about your feelings for him (maybe you feel love for him, maybe you would like a closer/more intimate connection, maybe you'd like them to help you somehow as you may feel subconsciously that they could heal you in some way -maybe your heart just need lots of love, darling. And I do hope you can get it asap, be it from him or anyone else). I'm not interpreting for real here, btw. Just mentioning a few possible meanings. Angel number 1111 doesn't have to always relate to romantic love, it could just signal you're on the right track and that there's a new start on the horizon (which could relate even to you *starting* healing something), or that your angels are near (try to notice what are you thinking about when you see that number too or make an explicit request: eg. "my dear Guide can I see a 1111 -or any other number/word *decide which one so they know*- if me and this guy have a spiritual connection?").

Him not making a move in the connection may be for different reason, but remind yourself you cannot control that. You cannot control him and his reactions or timing, you can only control yourself and your feelings (and you're responsible solely for them, not for what he thinks of you or how he acts with you: please do not make it mean anything about you). And you feeling stagnation and needing to "force" things (it's ofc understandable cause the confusion this brings it's hard to afford) may also point out to you needing something out of this connection that could be subconsciously useful to you (eg. healing, receiving love, feeling worthy of love too and such); again it's very normal and understandable but... at times things (be this something spiritual or not or both) cannot go as we'd like them to, when we'd like them to: not everything happens when we want it to happen: we need to be (both the people, as we're talking about a connection here) ready for it, whether the thing/relationship/situation holds a lesson or it's a reward for us. I think now you're just called to realize your feelings for him, to understand how/why your heart needs love and give it to yourself too. And be patient: if something needs to happen among you two, it will at the right time. Go with the flow: stressing over him and his reason and your connection will just really bring in more useless confusion. Our minds tend to also come in between and create some negative mental pattern or use old triggers to play with us, even when you have spiritual connections (trust me on this) and create delays and blockages. Try to stay as calm as you can, focus on you and anything else. Things will move forward naturally and again if there's a connection you're not going to lose it if you stop thinking about it for a while: you'll just help it develop freely. So yes, understand your feelings and your needs, make your wish about this guy (if this is what you want and is good for you -please do navigate your feelings, and remember you don't have to do it alone if it's too tough), journal about it, take care of/be kind with you and then be patient and trust that you'll receive.

All the best, lovely<3 I'm here if you need.

[nymph-bitch]

That's Junkie Shit, We Don't Get Involved

I call him my partner.

I call him my partner in theory, we're engaged.

But I've been sleeping on the couch for at least a month. I'm good. I'm over it, I'm saving money

But it's easiest to refer to him as my partner.

And I, despite constantly forgetting to do anything to my profile, am a she/her in a straight cis relationship who calls him my partner. Because fiance? Gross, I'm not marrying him. Boyfriend? Still implies some kind of love or care. I just don't. Partner feels more neutral to me, it feels like something I can swallow.

My partner and I are both resellers. We go to thrift stores, flea markets, yard sales, etc. and find things to flip.

He mostly does videogames, and last night, he got an inquiry from someone. This is an approximation of the conversation.

Customer: Hey, can you tell me more about this item?

Partner: Has the case, includes manual, no scratches, good condition

Customer: I don't know what kind of operation you're running, but I have proof that you/Bowman have been stealing from me for years.

We do not know Bowman. We do no know any Bowman, and we make most of our purchases from thrift stores-they're donated. Nobody's stealing this guys stuff and donating it.

Now, before anybody gets mad about what I'm gonna say, I've been involved in some shit ok? I've worked in almost every strip club in my state. I've won fights with several addictions. I have very few friends, and all of them are addicts who go in and out of homelessness. I've spent days getting fucked up in trap houses and Observing the people, because I do the tiniest amount of drugs now. I just want a little boost, to be on a similar wavelength with the people around me. And I was. I loved those people so much and felt a deep connection to them and their problems. I understand why addicts act out. I understand the paranoia and the fear and the poverty and how awful it is to not be able to trust the people who you love, who you probably adopted as family at one point.

So to me, this looks like junkie shit. This looks like an addict being paranoid because he can't trust his friends.

And it's kinda funny, if I'm being honest, it's just a really odd out of nowhere situation.

And again, I'm thinking about specific situation that people who I care about. In my head, I'm laughing with people who understand what I've been through about this relatable situation.

That's some junkie shit

My partner sends the man an offer on the item, because it's funny.

And then he gets a reply

That's fine but I just want you to know I'm taking my life tonight. Bowman stole everything from me and now I have nothing

the last line is very assumed, because really all I heard before the panic set in was the suicide threat. Correct content. Incorrect phrasing.

My partner was still laughing when he read this out to me.

I got angry. Told him to not tell me about stuff like that if he's not going to do anything about it.

He got indignant and said oh I won't it would be crazy, never letting me finish, never apologizing, never asking any questions.

(hey, just fyi, I lost my virginity to a literal diagnosed psychopath who trained me to be codependent by threatening to kill himself and very damn nearly doing it several times, I do not take this lightly)

So I start looking up the website's policies on relinquishing customer information, and I'm gonna need to call the police to get the man's address to send someone out for a wellness check.

I do not take this lightly.

Me: If you're not going to do anything can I have that guys username so that I can do something

Him, full of disdain: I blocked him and deleted the conversation. What are you gonna do? That's junkie shit, we don't get involved.

I need a break

[zykamiliah]

they didn’t say that a 20 y/o dating someone in their early 30s was pedophilia though? they said it was a power imbalance, and that it doesn’t disappear as soon as they are a legal adult. look, i enjoy svsss, but it’s true there is a mental gap. and a student pursuing a teacher doesn’t necessarily make the teacher’s reciprocation okay. i think there’s room for nuance here that neither you nor the other blogger is realizing

they were relating the feeling of weirdness they got from reading svsss to the power imbalance of a real life teacher/student relationship or actual pedophilia.

like i said, the power imbalance is part of the conflict in svsss and bingqiu's relationship. No one in this fandom believes they were the perfect soulmates from start to finish, Healthy and Unproblematic. But it's one thing that their dynamic was unbalanced and toxic because of the their misunderstandings and communications problems, and another entirely different what that other blogger was saying.

by the time binghe comes from the abyss, he has already grown into his own power and become a demon lord. when they meet again, sqq is not the one leveling his power against sqq, but the opposite.

here I talked about why i don't think bingqiu is toxic, if you'd like to read my analysis on it.

now, for the mental gap, what exactly are you saying here? Because if we're going to compare mental age gaps, we need to take into consideration that binghe and shen yuan are from different worlds, and that their upbringing was very different. lbh practically grew in the streets as an orphan before his adoptive mother took him in, and the he went back to that after her death, before entering CQM. shen yuan, on the other hand, grew with a loving family, was a rich and pampered young master and never had to go through the struggles that lbh went through: starvation, mistreatment, poverty, loneliness, being homeless and parentless, with no one to care for him or protect him. so really, between the two, who has more worthy life experiences?

okay, let's get at it from another angle. through the entire novel, and specially after the sqq's death, lbh is very honest with himself about his own feelings and thoughts. he knows his mind really well, even under the influence of xin mo. he knows how to manipulate dreams, after all. you could said that his most unhealthy habits are his codependency and the way he internalizes his self-hate, and the subsequent self-harm he does to his mind and body because of this. i'd say his most childish moments are in the Jinlan arc, where his actions contradict themselves, as he's both resentful toward SQQ and trying to win his approval at the same time.

shen yuan, on the other hand? emotionally repressed. he doesn't process his own thoughts and emotions and pushes everything under the surface. queerphobic. homophobic. deep in denial of his own queerness and gayness, oblivious to everything gay going own around him, runs from his problems, self-sacrificial to the detriment of his own well-being, so tsundere it backfires on him sometimes, unable to understand why someone like airplane would write shitty porn to pay the bills; even thought at his core he's kind to must people, he spends a great part of the novel being very vitriolic towards sqh. it's because he can't let go of his hatred towards the authors, who he partly blames for the bad things that happen to him.

taking all this into account, i really can't say what their true mental ages are, and if the gap is really that big, or if it really has such a huge impact on their relationship.

and a student pursuing a teacher doesn’t necessarily make the teacher’s reciprocation okay.

maybe you're right on this one, but are all cases of teacher/student relationships the same? must we, just as sqq did, ignore lbh's agency and own wishes and do what he thought was best?

there's thinking that teenagers under 18 have no way of making rational decisions when it comes to love and sexual attraction, and there's thinking that a 25 years old's agency in regards to who he wants to be with is meaningless.