#can't wait to see how you're going to develop this further <3< /div>
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madamechrissy · 1 month ago
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Baby You're a Star
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Art in the banner by Kerravi on x!
Summary- You meet Satoru Gojo at a wild Hollywood party, insanely out of place, waiting for your friend to show up. The two of you hit it off, spending time together, and share a kiss, but you're a good girl, and you just don't do this, but he is the top pornstar there is, and the top .01 % on OnlyFans. Once you find out, you know there's probably no match, as Satoru doesn't date, and you don't sleep around, but after meeting, you keep in touch- and soon Satoru can't get hard without thinking of you, and you get over curious, and join a livestream of the boy you like. Just how will that go for you both!?
Warnings- emotional, lots of feelings, regrets, mentions of depression (reader) mentions of each other's past, MUCH fluffier than the last one, slow burn is still being a slow burn, character development (we love to see it) and some kissing/making out, sexual tension WC this chap- 10k
A/N- Taglist closed- please comment/rb if you enjoy <3
<<<Chapter Five - Masterlist- Playlist- Chapter Seven>>>
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Chapter Six
“I need a change of career.” He says again, and his manager sighs, shaking their head, as one of the directors comes up.
“Modeling, I have an agency.” He hands Satoru a card, and Satoru’s manager covers his face for a moment.
“Like nude modeling?” Satoru asks.
“Sure, or any kind, look at your bone structure? You’d make good money.” Satoru holds the card, flipping it around.
He was always a pornstar, for his adult life.
Can he do more than that?
He has more than enough money to damn near retire.
But how the fuck could he get you to forgive him for what he did, how could he ever get you back? Now that he realizes there is no one in the world for him but the girl he’s wronged. The one who doesn’t even realize how much he cares, because he’s not even said it, never articulated it. The girl who now wants nothing to do with him, how does he just let that go?
“Some people get burnt out,” Satoru’s manager mumbles, putting a hand on Satoru’s shoulder then. “Modeling huh, I’ll get some contacts together, and we’ll see about some different shoots for you.”
Satoru exhales in relief, what once felt like a perfect career truly felt like a fucking prison now. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah, put on some fucking clothes.” Satoru smiles a bit, heading to the dressing room, looking at your name, your picture.
The sweet one with your big glasses, with your little peace sign, a sweet innocent thing he fell for, that he selfishly let be corrupted by his own needs and desires. And now he can’t help but have his own regrets, remembering you that night, the anger on your face, the way you kissed him anyway, the way you bit his lip so angry, dressed so fucking slutty that night.
He’d changed you, possibly forever, and you changed him, in ways you didn’t even fucking know. How the fuck can he just let you go?
*****
Six months since you said goodbye to Satoru Gojo
Being without Satoru made you realize how empty you were before him, god how much you miss him - how horrible you feel for sending away the man you love. How stupid you feel, there are so many times you look at his number, you changed his name to just Satoru now. Once, you got drunk and texted him, panicking when you realized that you had.
I am sorry.
That was the text, not some nude or something madly embarrassing, it was a simple apology. He’d written back to you the next day.
Don’t apologize.
That alone broke you down further, there was so much beauty in Satoru Gojo, so much sweetness there that you miss so desperately. How can you not miss him, the images spilling through your mind of Satoru behind you in that mirror - both times he had been. One at that club under heady lights, pleasuring you and whispering desperate in your ear- the other him being tender, sweet, caring.
That was the duality of him - the moments he broke down, and you saw so much more you wanted to know. Peel the layers back of who he was- ultimately, you didn’t know him any more than he knew you. It’s a reason you’re beating yourself up internally, wondering if you put too much on him.
But the love confessions that spilled from your lips?
You meant every word.
It didn’t matter that you didn’t know him completely yet, it was everything you felt from the moment he caught your eyes at the party. It was everything about him, how your lips felt against his, how you felt when he looked at you with those eyes - so beautiful, special, loved by his actions. Did the words matter so much?
They did matter to you, or you wouldn’t have pulled back. The days go by, the weeks go on, the months pass - it’s fall in LA now, it’s lovely and in the seventies, you’re just stuck inside today. Many, many days you do this, wallow in front of your couch, watch the same movies on repeat, over and over, falling asleep and dreaming of him, only to wake up from it and realize it’s gone.
The fact that you did this to yourself hurts more, that you pushed him away to find yourself, but are you finding yourself? You changed in ways you can’t go back to, you changed for him but also because of him, you’re just not the same girl. As you watch Casablanca for the millionth time, and Humprhey Bogart tilts up Ingrid Bergman’s chin, you’re in a mess of tears like you’ve never seen it.
You’ll always love him, won’t you?
You ended up cutting back graphic design hours, and soon you were dabbling more in photography. Though you had done a couple shoots with Jenna, you wanted to dabble in much more. Through some pretty good connections with the company you ended up quickly making a name for yourself, the money was good and you were diving into something full on.
The distraction was so needed for everything in your life, you know that you need to focus on something and maybe the pain will lessen from losing Satoru. You always wonder if he’s okay, if he’s doing well, you can’t help but ask yourself at times. Jenna ended up telling you he called that night, and for a while you were upset she didn’t let you talk to him.
But you think you understand, she just cares a lot. But to see you like this, still after months - shit, half a year - she mentions it again.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” you said last night. “I just… can’t.”
“I did hear he left the industry, shut down his OF,” she murmurs, eyeing the mess you are on the couch and frowning, she’s asked to clean for you numerous times, but you always refuse.
Your house is spotless, but your couch is where it’s real, the pain, the hopelessness you feel.
“I wonder if I was too harsh.” She says, her words surprising you then.
“Maybe you were, but it’s for the best I suppose.” You cuddle a plushie, resting your chin on it and sighing. “Even without the profession, I don’t know if he returned my feelings.”
So that was where the two of you left it. Even if Jenna should have let you talk to him and didn’t hide it, nothing had changed from that fact. Nothing changed when you told him you loved him, and all he said in return was that he wanted you. The feelings couldn’t align themselves.
The past six months were a blur, parts where you’re enthusiastic and so energetic, and many parts where you’re devastated and lethargic. The pain of not having him rips your soul apart, everything feels wrong about not being in his arms, you second guess yourself constantly.
Should you have kept it all going, should you have just let it be physical and held back your feelings? You could have been some OF power couple, in his arms and earning his praise - being his star. Sometimes you wonder if you were more okay with filming than you thought, and it scared you - but another part knows that just isn’t who you are.
You don’t touch yourself and think of him, you just don’t touch yourself at all, there’s nothing to be turned on about anymore. It’s like it was before you met him, except even little books and smut stories do nothing for you. All you picture is him in everything you read, to the point you find no joy in it, another thing about you fading in the haze of depression.
You know you’ve taken it too seriously, the feelings, the moments, the nights in his arms. You’ve let it consume you, and though you maybe ‘know yourself’ better from this, it doesn’t make it any happier, any easier. Every night you think of calling him, of just talking to him, but there could never be ‘just friends’ with him. You’re too deep in your feelings.
You want him in your life, so badly and tangibly, and it can’t just be fleeting - if it were, why is it still here, half a year later? Why does he dance through your fucking mind on repeat, living in your brain rent free, his big grin and just how sweet he was when you two were together. The way his hand caressed your cheek, you can still feel it there when you touch it.
When you look at the mirror you just look tired, the sparkle isn’t in your eyes, the color isn’t there, you brush on a little blush and add some mascara before a really big shoot, to look human. You practice a smile, you are truly excited, it’s a big opportunity for a huge magazine, and the first truly big one for you. You just have to shove down the gnawing feeling that’s always there.
Did you really make the right decision letting him go? Couldn’t you have tried to hear him out, to give him the chance?
The thoughts race as you head to the shoot, but when don’t they? When don’t you second guess your actions, wishing you’d been more upfront to begin with. Maybe Satoru didn’t know you fell in love, or maybe he didn’t believe it, maybe that wasn’t something he was ready for. You shove the thoughts back as you meet everyone, and that’s when you see him.
A head taller than everyone, the pretty face of the man you fell for, he’s wearing some insanely expensive suit opened up at the chest, buttoned down enough to show his bare chest, chiseled and cut as you remember. He isn’t smiling brightly, but he has a little tight curve to those plump lips, as he runs a hand through locks that look just a little lavender under the lights.
Your heart stops in your chest as the director calls you over, and his eyes catch yours, just like that night. His lips part just so, hands tensing at his sides, blinking snowy lashes so quickly like you’re an illusion. Your pulse races in your ears, you expected to hurt when you saw him again, you imagined you’d pass him by in a street one day perhaps.
But you didn’t expect the tenderness, the way you just want to hold his hand in yours is so vivid you barely bite back your emotions. You plaster on that smile, as you introduce yourself, and the girl with him is so sweet as she shakes your hand. The director explains the vision to you, as the people help decorate the set, and you’re finally there with Satoru.
He just stands there, staring at you so intensely, you feel it like a touch, you look down nervously, fiddling with your hands in front of yourself, as he drinks in the sight in front of him. “Still biting that lip,” he murmurs softly, you gasp a bit at it, eyes locking then. “You’ll have permanent marks there.”
“I think I already do,” your voice feels too good to his ears, it makes him ache as you speak, smiling so nervous, very much the girl he met that night. The different girl who just made everything stop, and you still have that effect on him, you still after all this time make his heart race. “You look amazing.”
“Makeup is weird,” you laugh softly, the sound like a punch to the gut for him. Just that sound alone, he’s missed so vividly, he realizes it then, how much he missed every part of you. It wasn’t just that desire for your body, though that’s there, it was little things like how the lights are hitting your hair, how your smile breaks his heart. “I really wanted to…”
“Me too.” You manage, the both of you don’t say it, not when you’re being pulled in different directions for a moment, but you feel it, everything he doesn’t say.
He missed you too. You can feel it. You can feel him, so close, his scent in your nostrils, the familiar cologne that you miss. He’s talented already, the poses he makes are beyond someone in this for a few months, impressive as he works everything, every angle so well. You can’t help but be so happy for him, to see him like this.
You know he enjoyed porn surely, but you remember the calls and demands stressing him out, it seems he’s a little more natural at this, a little awkward here and there when you’d ask him to touch the model and interact. But he picked up on that as well, you hear that most of his shoots were alone so far, so this was a huge one for him too.
To get a cover of this magazine was something anyone would covet, you can’t help but feel proud of him, smiling as you snap photos. Not a fake smile, a real one, for the first time in so long, knowing he was okay, knowing how badly you needed the reassurance that he was. Your heart aches deeper, ever deeper while you watch him look at your camera, smiling just so.
He’s heartbreakingly beautiful behind your lens.
Satoru struggles to focus on what you say, on anything, when you’re in there with him, when all he can think of is how badly he wants to hold you in his arms again. Things just were different now, like a piece of him was missing constantly, for a moment the void is full by just seeing you. He always wondered if you were good, if you were doing better, not getting hurt by him anymore.
Then he thought other things, of wildly showing up to your house, of begging you on his knees to take him back. Of asking you out truly and not whatever foolish shit he said to you. ‘A friend’ you were never just that, not from the moment he blew that smoke into your mouth and you trusted him so implicitly. The moment you left him was still the hardest blow he’s had.
A couple weeks hurt him more than the years with his only other girlfriend, and you two weren’t even ‘together’. But it hurt more than anything he could even try to explain, the thoughts racing constantly. Could he have said more, given you more, the longing is so tangible it takes his breath, while you work on posing them again, and take some shots from different angles.
“Tilt her chin up just a bit,” you murmur softly, as Satoru’s bright, swirling blue eyes look right at you, rather than the pretty model in front of him, and it’s like you can feel his touch, as if it’s your chin he’s gripping. “Look at her lips.”
You give a gentle direction, clearly pointing out the obvious, that Satoru can’t get his eyes off the girl he hasn’t seen in months, the one he dreams of every night. How can he see anyone else in the room? With a giant, fancy black canon camera, you bend down, snapping a picture, he stares in his peripherals as you do, then you’re on your knees, getting another angle.
He has wondered how you were, god he didn’t want to ruin your life any further, but being this close to you makes him ache, in so many ways. How your hair falls over your shoulder, how you angle your head to study them, now walking up and smiling, turning the model so she faces away from him. You brush her hair forward over a shoulder, taking Satoru’s hand then.
That’s when he feels it, like a shock rushing through him as you pause for a moment, giving him a sweet, sad little smile. “Touch her waist,” you put his hand there, and take her hand now, turning her. “And you look at him like this… perfect.”
You walk back to take another few photos, and you thought maybe after so long it wouldn’t hurt, but it does, like a fresh wound opening. You’re so proud of him for being at this quality of a shoot, but you can’t help but wish you were the one in his arms, even now. There’s not one night in the past months that he hasn’t haunted one of your thoughts - all of the what-ifs.
The shoot wraps up and everyone chit chats for a bit, you’re packing your camera up in your bag when he steps up to you, that black dress shirt half tucked in and unbuttoned, showing too much of a perfectly sculpted body made for modeling. You feel your cheeks heat up as you trail your eyes up and catch his boring into you the way that only he can.
“You’re a photographer now?” He asks softly, his tone is just so different from last time, from the cocky and conceited man, the smirk on his face replaced with parted lips, eyes studying you so intensely. You nod a bit. “That’s so badass, look at you.”
“Look at me, you’re modeling now.” You say softly, smiling up at him as his hand goes to touch your cheek, but pauses, knowing it’s not his place to do so.
Were you with anyone? Did someone treat you like you deserved?
Even if you were, god he just missed you, the presence, the lingering sweet scent in the air - those cupcakes you always smelled like, intoxicating. To imagine caressing your cheek he sees tint with color, to hear your little laugh again, rather than the tears he left you in. He clears his throat, letting his hand fall, flexing his fingers open as he sighs.
“I am… I don’t do… I changed careers.” He manages to say softly, you blink a bit in surprise at that.
“You don’t do um,” you trail off, clearing your throat. “You don’t shoot at all?” You’d heard rumors from Jenna that he quit, but she wasn’t sure if it was true. You hate the relief you feel when you shouldn’t. He shakes his head now, bringing you back. ��Do you miss it?”
“No, it wasn’t for me anymore.” His voice gets husky, stepping just a bit closer as the workers take apart the set, but everything fades but him.
It’s always like this, the never ending need for him.
You feel like half your heart is standing right in front of you.
“Do you enjoy modeling, Satoru?” To hear his name from your lips makes his heart race, he nods quickly. “Then I’m very happy for you. I wondered how you were,” you blink back tears, and he catches sight of them glimmering under the set lights. “I think of you often.”
The words are there, you are afraid of them, but also you’re so tired of holding it all in. He steps even closer, making you swallow nervously, leaning down a bit, a hand now brushing your hair back from your face. The contact alone of his fingers brushing through your strands makes your heart hammer in your chest, eyes locking with his.
“I think of you every damn day,” his hoarse voice is so genuine, you’re so afraid to trust it, to believe it, but you feel it, something has changed in him. “I would love to just know how your life is going. If you’d just please, have coffee with me? Or just anything in the world you want.”
“Satoru,” he caresses your cheek now, uncaring of the eyes around you both, the little murmurs, his eyes are locked all on you, as he brushes aside a tear you didn’t realize slipped. “You really just want to know me?”
“I do, I want to know you, even if we catch up and you never talk to me again, maybe it’s what I deserve.”
“You don’t-”
“I do not deserve any time. But please,” his own eyes shut, as he feels you trembling as his hand slips down your arm, over bare skin. “I want to know you’re good, that you’re okay, just anything you want to share with me.”
You turn away for a moment, and he curses under his breath, afraid of your answer, but you’re swiping tears, trying to compose yourself. You feel so much in that moment, in how deeply you still love him, that you just have to take a moment, before turning back around, eyes glimmering as you catch him, staring down at his feet, nervous like you.
“I’d love to catch up, I’d love to know how your life is,” you almost break down, blinking tears as his eyes meet yours again. “How about now?”
“Now!? Shit, yes. Now.” You giggle a bit, as he smiles, so boyish and charming, splitting your heart into a million pieces as he takes your hand, pausing. “Is that okay if I…”
“Yes,” you nod, and he tugs you along, you hear whispers of the models around, who surely all had crushes on him, but Satoru’s attention is undividedly on you. as your heart races in your chest. Your fingers intertwined as he brings you to his car now. “Satoru you drive?”
“I do.” He smiles a bit, brushing his fingers across the sleek Mercedes. “She’s my baby.”
“Is she now?” He grins and nods, opening the door. “I thought you had no license, honestly.”
“I’m wounded! No, I just don't usually drive, this car is special. Here,” he latches your seat belt in, your breath catches, he's so close you feel flustered by him. He comes to sit and smiles at you. “Where too, my lady?”
“Your lady hmm,” you're teasing but the words melt you. There's so much unsaid between you both that you don't think coffee is going to cover it, but you're willing to try it as a first step. “The one by my place? I stress baked cupcakes I can give you when you drop me off.”
“How many this time?” He chuckles as he turns, backing up. It's crazy to even see Satoru holding a steering wheel, it's far too attractive. 
“Like only three dozen. And I have brownies.”
“Pot brownies?”
“No!” You both laugh again, it's so fucking natural, it's so easy to be with him like this. Like the night you met him.
It gets a little quiet then, as you sit in the traffic, and he puts on his music from his phone. It's a quiet song, filling the new silence as the two of you sit there, scared to say the wrong thing.
You take a breath. Looking at him, the sun bright through the car window, illuminating his skin. He peers right back at you, hands gripping the wheel tightly, exhaling. You barely blink back more emotions, reaching a hand out then, resting it on one of his.
“Shit, I missed that.” He whispers softly, taking your hand gently and kissing it. Your heart breaks further, until the pain is so deep you can't breathe.
“I'm so sorry I pushed you away, I didn't give you a chance to explain things.” Your words are broken and hoarse, Satoru shakes his head, back focused on the road as he holds onto your hand tightly.
“I'm sorry that I pushed you into something that you never wanted.”
“You didn't push me…”
“I offered it, and I knew you weren't that girl. I knew it, but I was selfish,” he looks back at you, sadness in his blue depths. “I wanted to have it all, my career, you, keep everything in my life the same. Just better. It was selfish.”
“I was selfish, I did it to make sure you wouldn't be with anyone else.” Saying it out loud hurts, but you feel the weight come off your chest, as Satoru blinks tears, falling across his cheek and glimmering in the sun.
“You just wanted to please me, I don't think that's wrong. It was wrong of me to let you.”
“Don't bear all of the blame,” you lean close and kiss away his tears, the two of you stuck in more traffic now. His car parks, as he brushes his fingers across your face. “I should have told you how much it all meant, it was never just sex for me. I wasn't honest with you.”
He nods just a bit, but you see it, the regret on his face. “I wasn't honest with you about anything I felt either. I want to tell you so much, but it's too late.”
“It's not too late.” He sighs, the traffic moves as you sit back in your seat. Clutched tightly, your little hand in his huge one, protective and sweet, you've never missed something so badly.
“You're not with someone?”
“Satoru I work, come home and wallow on my couch. I'm not dating,” he visibly exhales. “And you're not…”
“No one.” His words are quiet, your heart pounds so loudly in your ears as he eyes you again, blue storms swirling with so much. “If this coffee goes okay, can I have a date? A real date?”
You can’t help but get flustered, visible to him the way you nibble on your thumb and shift in your seat, eyes lowering. “A date?”
“A real one. Flowers or some corny shit, fuck I'll get a corsage.”
“Satoru!” You're giggling, he sighs then at how good that sound hits his ears. “It’s not prom, silly.”
“God I love your laugh,” you pause, looking at him then. “Never told you that. The sound does something. It's contagious.”
“I love your smile,” his lip trembles at your teary declaration. “I missed it so badly, I hate that I made you lose it.”
“I hate that I made you cry, I hate that I said that shit.” You shake your head then, biting down on your lip once more, at a red light. It casts a soft glow on Satoru's face, as he tugs it from your teeth. “I didn't mean it.”
“I know you didn't, I should have accepted the apology. I felt so… lost though?” He manages a little nod, as he drives again, and you two just listen to the music in the car until he's right at that coffee shop.
“I went there because I just wanted to see you, it wasn't just sex for me.” He unseatbelts you with a quiet click, a hand pressing on your bare thigh as he looks into your eyes. His minty sweet breath caresses your face. “It was never just sex and that scared the fuck out of me. I wanted to explain it away as simply amazing sex.”
“It was more for you too?” He nods now, cupping your face in his hands, resting his forehead on yours as you two take each other in.
“So much more. I have a lot to tell you about me, it's not all gonna happen today. But I want you to know. And I want to know you, your life, things I didn't even care to find out then. If you will let me.”
“I will, Toru.” The nickname ends his control, he kisses you, just a sweet pop of his lips for a moment, and you melt in his embrace, he pulls back and his thumbs brush over your heated cheeks.
“Sorry, should I not do that? Can I not do that?” His concern is written all over his face then, while the blue eyes assess you gently.
“You can do that,” you press a kiss to his palm, thumb brushing along his inner wrist now. “Is this a date too?”
“Fuck, anything is a date if you want it.” You laugh a bit.
“A date with the Satoru Gojo?”
“Only with you,” you both step into the cozy ambiance of the Cafe, bustling as always. The aroma of coffee beans and sweets fills both of your noses. “Go grab a table, I'll get us two cups.”
You're so pretty sitting there, chin on your hand resting just so, smiling and watching him when he's walking back. And all he can think is how precious and right you feel, as he sits next to you in the booth, and you two sip on the sweet foam of the mocha hitting your lips. He has just a bit of foam on them you tentatively swipe off, the touch almost doing him in.
Just that motion is damn near too much for him, your fingers on his lips as you smile, so nervous, bringing back that night. Did he fall in love with you then? Was something like that even possible? He can’t explain it any other way, from the moment he saw you and how you filled his mind, changed him forever. Your hand falls as he contemplates you carefully, scared it’s some dream.
“You remember my favorite?” He nods, not realizing just that speaks volumes.
You love him.
You're always going to love him.
You ache to say it, but you want that to be the right moment. The hurt is so raw and new, and you two both feel that tension, the way that you both feel terrible for how it all went, the way you missed each other. You sit next to him, a hand comfortably resting on your thigh, it feels so right, the touch. You’re so starved from the lack of him, the lack of his nearness.
“I want to learn anything you want to share.” You tell him softly, as he massages your thigh with his thumb in little circles.
“So do I. Where's photography fit in? Do you still do design?”
“I still do that, I think I needed a distraction. How did you get into modeling?”
“Really connected agents and being stupidly attractive.” You’re laughing, shaking your head. “Gonna deny it?”
“You’re ridiculous.” He’s grinning so big then, you know how terribly you missed that, tugging at your own lips in return, making you smile with him. “I love how your eyes light up.”
He pauses, heart hammering at your soft words, words you’ve held back, and he feels his own tumble out, when his hand squeezes your thigh gently. “I love how sweet you are.”
You feel it, that barrier falling, the one that’s terrified to open up again, but he’s trying to, you just see it. You take a breath, smiling with trembling lips. “I love how caring you are, how you notice things no one else does.”
Drawn to you even closer, he swallows nervously, Adams apple bobbing while he brushes your hair back. “I miss your scent, I catch a hint of it and look for you.”
“You do?” Your voice is soft, as the moment feels so surreal, you couldn’t even have dreamt this, pictured this. He nods quickly, while your hand rests over his, feeling the veins under your fingertips while you two cozy up in the little coffee shop.
“I do miss it, I miss everything. Not just… you know… that.” He blushes a little, rubbing the back of his neck as you feel your own cheeks heat at the memories.
“Me too. Everything.” It takes everything in Satoru not to kiss you again, not a sweet little press of the lips like earlier - he wants to make sure your mouth is swollen from his kisses. He wants you so badly it’s hard to think, to inhale your scent in his nostrils as he tastes your sweet skin, to just fucking hold you.
A mix of everything at once so overwhelming he is trembling, you notice and look at him, lashes lowering as your hearts both race, and his head leans down, coming to rest on yours. You feel tears pricking your eyes at how badly you craved this, craved his presence, in any form at all. You didn’t know this would be a possibility, the way you two speak now, the way you don’t stop the contact.
That first night you met, you two couldn’t stop talking, and for a shy girl like you it was entirely new, it was so different and special, all to happen again for you both, to be so connected and the ease that your words flow. It’s natural, so right to speak to him, to listen to him, as you both recount what you’ve missed in the months alone, making the longing even deeper.
You’d missed so much.
He’d missed so much.
Eventually taking far, far too long to just drink coffee together, he’s taken you back home. You hesitate a bit before inviting him in, remembering the pain of that moment you asked him to leave, and realizing what he’ll see if he comes in. He feels your hesitation, clearing his throat then, and taking your hand in his.
“I don’t have to come in if you’re not ready,” you shake your head quickly. “It’s understandable.”
“It’s not that at all, it’s…” your couch is a mess, the living room table littered with wine bottles and pizza boxes. You have been in such deep depression that the area alone stays messy, while you stress clean the entire house. How do you show him that side of you, a side you don’t know how to explain?
“You can just go in and bring ‘em out, it’s okay.” He’s smiling again, you sigh then, shaking your head.
“If we’re going to start over, I think you should know parts of me that aren’t the best.” He frowns a bit in confusion as you unlock the door, he remembers every bit of your home of course, but when he looks over to your couch he sees it.
He’s quiet as you shut the door behind him, tense as you know this isn’t how a normal person acts, the devastation you’ve been in, the place you rot away and cry about him. The place you numb yourself, after acting happy all fucking day, you know it’s not normal to be this affected by a couple weeks with someone.
But it was you, and you didn’t want to hide anymore.
“Shit…” He murmurs, you slip your purse on the counter, while he slowly walks up to you, hands on your waist, you feel the emotions you’ve barely held together about to crumble when he tugs you against him, wrapping his arms around you.
“It’s embarrassing, that’s why I hesitated.” You admit softly, letting him hold you right in your kitchen, but it wasn’t like last time - it was not sexual, it’s caring, it’s a tight hold you never want to leave.
“You were hurting that badly, why didn’t you just…” He exhales, kissing your head then. “You could have told me, fuck I’d have been here.”
“I pushed you away, I hurt you too.” Your words are true, he’s been devastated without you, but the physical evidence is glaring in how you took it.
“We hurt each other,” he admits, you nod, looking up at him and sighing, he tilts your ching up now, the feel of him against you filling things that were empty before and in his absence. “There’s so much I want to say, but for now… let me just help clean this up.”
“No, please, I’ll clean it before you come over again.” He’s already shaking his head. “Satoru, that's embarrassing.”
“It’s not. Where’s the cleaning shit?” He’s already tall and lanky in your kitchen, bending over and opening cabinets now. He’s doing anything to avoid the knowledge you hurt like that for so fucking long, the sweet and bubbly girl he met living like that breaks him so deeply he can’t even tap into how much it hurts.
“It was just… a spot I left that way I guess.” You grimace and help him then, grabbing trash bags as you eye the mess you’ve made of the couch.
It’s abundantly clear the spot you sat in for six months every day after work, while he starts throwing out empty boxes and bottles of wine with you. You’re not as embarrassed with him as you thought you’d be, he doesn’t make you feel that way, he just helps you, methodically throwing things out. The wine bottles clink as they hit, he eyes a couple of them and smirks.
“These are so cheap and shitty.”
“Well excuse me!” You’re laughing then, even through your tears, he gives you a sad little smile, continuing to tidy up. You tackle the table you haven’t seen in months with a sponge, he starts folding your several plush blankets all tangled up, frowning a bit.
“You sleep here too?” He asks, you nod a bit. 
“I would just watch movies till I cried myself to sleep.” You take a shaky breath, wiping the table down with a towel as Satoru’s lips open, as if to speak, but he just smiles again.
“I’ll take these out.” He walks the trash out as you go to the kitchen, spotless in comparison to that area, that was the one place you let it all just be chaos, let the hurt sink in.
Now he’s here, and you don’t even know how to act, you hurt him and pushed him away, and he’s here to pick up your pieces. He steps back in, walking over to you as you both look at each other, his hands slipping down your arms gently, you take several breaths, biting your lower lip as he tugs you closer. It’s quiet, all the things you both want to say on the tip of your tongues.
“I’m so sorry you hurt like that,” he finally says, cupping your face, you touch his hand and sniffle a bit, nodding.
“I hurt you too, though, I felt so horrible for it, I think it made everything worse.”
“Don’t,” he shakes his head now. “I didn’t know how to not be sexual, you were right about me.”
“But you-”
“No,” he puts a finger to your lips, sighing now as he feels them under his finger, smoothing that indentation of your teeth and watching your lashes lower. “The club, I just proved you right.”
You flush as you remember that, the wanton way you’d arched for him, how you’d squirted, sucked his fingers. God you were a mess for him so easily, after saying you didn’t want that you fell back into it with ease. If he were to do it now you would, but he keeps his touches chaste, careful, leaning down and tilting your chin up, letting you look into his eyes.
“I originally made it sexual then demanded more-”
“No, you needed more. You told me, and I didn’t give it. I…” he trails off, sighing now. “I never knew how to be affectionate, sex to me was affection. It’s all I knew how to do in that moment, when you needed more.”
“But you didn’t have to give more. That was me.”
“I want more, I still want more.” You can hardly comprehend that those words are coming from his perfect lips, your heart racing now. “There’s a lot I want to say, but I don’t think we should unpack this all today. And I want to see you again.”
“I want to see you again.” Your hand slips up his chest, as he wraps an arm around your waist. “Thank you for today, for everything. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I helped cause that depression, so of course I should help clean it up.” He’s emotional, imagining the girl he fucking loves - yes he loves you - just sobbing on a messy couch. He swallows it down, along with the urge to kiss every part of your body, knowing he just can’t right now.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” the sobs break now, you can’t hold them back when you’re in his arms, face pressed against his chest, body shaking as he tries to stroke your back, your arms. “I felt so horrible making you go.”
“It was the best thing, you deserved more than I gave.”
“Satoru! No…”
“Yes.” He cups your face, swiping your tears as he holds back his own, shaking his head again. “You deserve everything, fuck I was so unsure I could ever give it you you I never thought you’d even fucking feel that way for me.”
“You underestimate how amazing you are,” he nuzzles your palm when you lean up and touch his cheek gently. “You deserve everything.”
“I want you to know, I haven’t… nothing since you.” You blink in surprise, lashes still dripping tears that he presses sweet kisses on, bending at the waist. “I couldn’t be with anyone.”
“Me either, Toru.” He kisses you again, sweet and salty from your tears, as his own eyes get glassy with emotion.
“You promised me brownies and cookies, I earned my keep now.” You laugh then, it’s so freeing, his pretty grin just a little crooked as you step back.
“You did! Of course, come on.” You go to grab them out of the fridge, he hates that even now he’s eyeing your ass like that, he knows he can’t yet, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t desire your body too.
He’ll always desire you, every bit of you, the thoughts eating him at night, the amount of times he’s played with himself to your memory is ridiculous. But he is making sure that takes a back seat, what you need is comfort, clearly, the sadness just shows, like you’re keeping it together just a bit for him. You get a pretty flowery tupperware and start stacking them for him as he is enamored with your every movement.
“You’re so beautiful.” He says softly, you pause, snapping the lid on, all puffy cheeked from crying.
“I probably look like a mess,”
“You’re always beautiful.” He steps closer, kissing your forehead now. “Not just your pretty face or your sexy body,” now his voice drops an octave, fucking your mind, body and heart up as you look at the man you love. “Something about you, it’s in here, that shit sounds corny huh?”
“No, it doesn’t,” he’s touching your chest, feeling your heartbeat under his palm racing and fluttering. You put yours on his, feeling the slow athletic beat he’s always had kicked up just a bit. “You are too, Satoru, much more than your looks.”
Those words hit harder than he knew they would, it’s always been his looks, since he met his ex. Everything was his potential, and even if his personality was something that carried him, it always felt like people wanted him for his looks. His eyes, his body, his lips.
But you never just wanted that, he knows it now.
“Fuck,” he can’t even hold back this one kiss, the one where he’s pinning you against the counter, and you’re whining out, that cute breathy cry that ends him. “I missed you so fucking much.”
“Me too, me too…” your words are muffled with his lips, hungry and desperate on yours, the kiss he’s held for you for months, the one he played over and over in his head. If he ever got a chance, if he ever got to hold you again, he pours it all then, in that moment with you.
“Satoru…” You’re whispering his name as he bends over, taking over your senses, mouth devouring yours, so messy then, his tongue slipping in your mouth, possessing it. You cling to his dress shirt, nails pressing against his back over the fabric as his hands slip down your waist, gripping your hips and tugging you closer.
He whispers your name, a soft whine as he looks at you with those cerulean depths lit up, breaths faster, kissing you over and over, as if he’ll never get enough. You lose yourself, your entire body on fire - nipples pressed against your sweater, tummy clenched with the desire you haven’t felt once before or after him, your pulse racing in your ears.
“God I missed this,” he says then, breaking away to take a breath, you kiss him again, sweet, god you’re sweet. God he loves kissing you, holding you, looking into eyes behind fogged up glasses, so adorable it tugs at him with affection. “You’re so adorable.”
“I need windshield wipers.” He laughs then, a genuine laugh, as you giggle, he tugs your glasses off and kisses you again, hands gripping your face after he sets them on the counter next to the baked goods.
It wasn’t just an exaggeration, it wasn’t him making the thoughts more than they were, the kisses just were like this with you. Life altering movements of plush lips melding to each other, hands warming each other's skin, he can’t get enough - god he wants more, but he holds back, until he can’t anymore, tugging away just a bit and taking a breath, trailing his fingers down your curves slowly.
“I want more, I don’t want you to think it was just your body,” he says then, you nod quickly, understanding, even as your breasts heave up and down with your quick breaths. “God I wanna fucking tear this off you.”
“Mnh…” you bury your face against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your cheek quicker now, as you nod against him. “I want it too, Satoru I… I felt so sexual because I just already had feelings. It was always more for me.” He exhales, pressing another kiss to your heated cheek, blushing against his lips, hot to the touch.
“I knew that, and I still was selfish.” Admitting it sucked, it fucking hurt, but he knows he needs to do more, say more.
“So was I.”
“I don’t think you have a selfish bone in your pretty body.” You laugh softly.
“I do. For you.”
“Selfish for me?” His husky voice drives you insane, you nod when he moans, kissing you again, thigh pressing between yours, when he feels your heat it almost takes him out. “Fuck… maybe you’ll show me how selfish some day.”
“M-maybe I will…”
He chuckles again, pulling back. “You’re too cute.”
“Oh you always said that.” You’re smiling though, he sees it and it tears him up, how beautiful the sight is for his eyes again.
“You are cute, you’re adorable. I love that about you… I… deleted those, so you know, okay?” Your eyes widen in surprise then.
“You did?”
“The moment you said you regretted them, it wasn’t right to keep it up. I want you to know, no one knows it was you, I guess except your friend and me.”
“Of course, I knew you’d never share that information.”
“I shouldn’t have asked you, I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Satoru…”
“No,” he cuts you off softly, you’re back in his arms now, snuggled in his embrace. “I am furious I showed anyone that perfect pussy, y’know that?”
You pause at the declaration, looking up at him. “Really?”
“God yes,” he laughs without humor then. “I hate that others saw you, it was already making me angry, but I was so stuck up my own self.”
“Just know I forgive you, and I don’t blame it all on you.” He nods then, the relief from your words letting his broad shoulders rest just a bit. “Thank you for taking them down, but I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You did regret it.”
“I didn’t regret being with you on video, I um… regretted others seeing it. Me and you? It felt too intimate, too special,” your hands entwine as you speak, his long fingers against your much smaller ones, feeling so warm and good. You shut your eyes as you try to gather your thoughts. “I regretted anyone seeing us together.”
“It was special,” his words bring your gaze back. “It was intimate, and I wish we kept it to us now.”
“You do?”
“God yes, the fact that anyone jerked it to you? Makes me unreasonably fucking mad now,” you bury your face against his chest again, the warmth of his palm seeping into your skin. “All I could think was ‘pussy is mine’.”
You blink in surprise. “You thought that?”
“Did I think that, yes of course I did. I thought a lot I didn’t say,” he sighs now, kissing your forehead again so sweetly as his phone rings. He frowns, and you step back a bit as he checks it. “I’m suddenly free this Saturday, how about you?”
“I’m free!” You say it so quickly he laughs.
“Sweetheart,” the way he says it after so long makes you tremble with need, as he brushes back your hair. “I can’t begin to say how much I missed you.”
“Me too, god so much. Feel like you’re some dream.” He feels the same, god he does, like this isn’t real, when you two kiss again, this time it’s too much, he’s so close to losing his control.
Satoru’s hands are on your hips, while you feel like your home is here, right on his perfect lips. He’s delving his tongue in your mouth feverish and heated now, before he picks you up, thighs on either side of his hips, sitting you on the counter. You’re lost in him, like the sweetest drink or most addicting drug, arms wrapping his neck as his hardness presses.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he murmurs again, you whine and roll your hips, when he litters kisses down the side of your neck. “I miss this so much.”
“I miss it, I miss you. Need you.” He exhales at that, his hands slipping up bare thighs over your knee socks, thumbs pressing the softness of your inner thighs, you’re whining out at it. “I only want you.”
“God me too,” he’s so close to slipping those soaked panties to the side, as he tugs you closer, and you take a breath, trying to get your composure, lips swollen from his kisses. “So beautiful.”
“I feel beautiful with you,” he moans and kisses you again, hands pressing deep, so deep he’ll bruise you as they wrap your thighs, and he groans. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he pulls back, looking at you spread for him, picturing sinking to his knees and worshipping you. “You look too good, I need to go.”
“I feel the same. I think I should… bake more.” He laughs again, the sound so bright it melts you, as he helps you down, sliding you across his hard body slowly. “Bake a lot and then take a cold shower.”
“A cold shower sounds good to me too.” He cups your face then, tilting your chin up and brushing his thumb on your lips. “Make no mistake, we need time, but when you’re ready if I ever get another chance at you? I’m gonna fuck you till you can’t walk.”
“Toru mnh…” He’s moaning and kissing you again, it takes everything not to let him, not to beg for it. But you both need to take a breath. It’s too raw, it’s too fresh, and there’s so much. “I want to know so much more about you.”
“I do too. Not just every inch of your body, though that thought is raging,” he’s pouting and you’re giggling again, brightening your pretty eyes. “I wish I’d just listened to you then. But my feelings were hurt.”
“I get it, I really do. So, Saturday huh?”
“Saturday.” He kisses you again, and soon he’s walking to the door, as the memories of the last time he was here hit.
“Fuck,” you hate how they rush in, stealing your breath. He looks at you, frowning as he holds the little tupperware you gave him. “I hated myself for doing it.”
“No, sweets, don’t. Don’t hate yourself, okay?” You’re swiping tears again.
“I’m a mess.”
“Beautiful mess,” his words make you lean up to kiss him again, his free hand wraps you, while the two of you stand in your quiet entry way, just the sounds of your breaths and kisses filling the room. “I want you to be my beautiful mess.”
“I want to be yours.” He sighs, kissing your palm and then your hand, things he never thought he’d do, but he wants to with you.
“I don’t want to fuck this up, I never thought I’d even see you again, not even sure I deserve to kiss you.”
“Let me figure out what you deserve, what I want. Okay?” He nods then, swallowing nervously and taking a breath. “Text me when you get home safe.”
“I will, good night sweets.” The little nicknames nearly do you in again, when you smile and lean on the doorway, he’s waving when he gets in his car, hesitating before he pulls off.
What if he doesn’t see you again?
The panic sets in his heart, he knew he missed you, but he didn’t know the depths of the fear until now, as he sees your hand wave back at him, sees your silhouette in the doorway. He steps out of his car, walking back up as you shut your door, stepping forward when he’s kissing you again.
“One more.” He murmurs, so sweet you’re done for, god it’s all back - it never left - but being in his arms? His presence? His desperate needy kiss?
You’re hugging him over his shoulders, kissing him right back, the sky is all pinks and golds as the sun sets, casting shadows on that silvery hair, bringing out the little streaks of lavender. You’re taking a slow breath, heart feeling like it’s whole for the first time since that day you sent him away, the day you did the thing that hurt you the most, but he’s here.
He’s here.
All of him.
“Sorry,” you shake your head, cupping his face. He’s a couple steps down as you stand on your deck, enough you’re almost face to face with him. “I can’t help it.”
“Don’t say sorry, I love your kisses. I missed them.” He moans and kisses you again, feeling your gravity tugging him so close that it feels wrong to back away. “You could just stay and cuddle? Or just stay. You don’t have to go home if you don’t want to, you know.”
“If I stay no way it’s just fucking cuddling, you’re expecting too much from a former pornstar you know,” You blush then at his insinuation, when he backs away again. “Good night baby.”
“Good night again, Toru.”
He laughs as he goes back to the car, your heart hurts when he drives off, but the weight feels so lifted, the sorrow and self loathing of pushing the man you love away. It was so hard to let that go, to let go his tears when he begged you to keep him around, but now you know it was the right decision, as you pass by a freshly cleaned couch later that evening, eyeing your phone.
You always sit there, but tonight instead, you go to your room, the bed you’ve not gone near in so long. You snuggle up, pulling up a book for the first time in months, and you can almost read it, but you’re so stuck in your thoughts of him, of his kisses and his pretty blue eyes, of the energy of him, his scent left behind. A scent you missed so fucking badly.
Instead of wine and pizza, it’s a water bottle next to your nightstand, when you get it - his text.
Satoru - I got a little busy. I'm sorry, I’m home now. Suguru was having a moment
You - that’s fine! I’m glad you’re home safe
Satoru sighs, looking at the phone as he lays in his bed, picturing you right here in his arms, he’d stroke your hair, he’d press kisses along your skin. He’d hold you here forever if you fucking let him. Even now, there’s so much more he has to say, but he wants to give you the perfect date, one you deserve. He wants to share more of who he is with you.
Today, seeing that side of you made it so much more raw, the pain you must have felt, how hard it was to push him away. He never resented you for it, even though it killed him, deep down he knew why you did it, but instead of trying to fix it, he made it all fucking worse that night.
Satoru - I can’t wait to see you again.
He’d never say that before, he’d have made some sexy joke or some silly comment, not just be vulnerable. And it was terrifying to do it, his heart hammering in his chest as he sits up in his bed. He looks next to him, remembering you right there, remembering fucking you all night, waking up and fucking you again, but he thinks of all the times he could have done more.
Just held you, just kissed you, of course he wanted you - god he’s never wanted anyone like you - but he wishes he did even more. Hold your hand, at that damn dinner said ‘no she’s my girlfriend’ fuck he wanted to. He wishes he could have held you so close to him, let everyone know you’re his. Friend, what a joke, he never was your friend.
He always wanted more and didn’t even know what it was.
You - me too, I’m so excited!
He’s torn between being so happy and smiling, but also feeling that sadness of seeing that couch with you. The pain he saw in your eyes that night at the club, but he was so consumed, he couldn’t realize what was glaringly apparent. Your confessions he was so fucking scared to return.
He can’t wait to say it, that he loves you.
He never thought he’d get a chance.
You- I hope you have sweet dreams Satoru.
He smiles at that sadly - It’s been nothing without you, darkness.
You bite your lip as he types - It’s been nightmares for you.
Satoru- you too, sweetheart.
The two of you can hardly stand it, feeling each other’s kisses lingering on your skin, inhaling the scent of each other in your nostrils. Hugging those pillows tight and picturing each other. But for once, instead of you sobbing and him tossing and turning, the two of you fall asleep, wishing Saturday would come quickly, so you two can start over again, and not fuck it up so badly.
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we will get back to this being sexy next chap aha
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gor3-hound · 1 year ago
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bark like you want it !
ft. ryomen sukuna x fem!reader
cw: 18+ content, pet play, true form sukuna, sexual slavery(?) sukuna has a harem p much, degradation, oral(m!recieving), double penetration, p in v, anal, creampie, objectification, size difference, biting, barking, almost soft sukuna for a second, sukuna is his own warning tbh
a/n: idk i'd bark for him.. feedback/rbs always appreciated, esp this one bcs... i felt like he was hard to write and would love any feedback on him :3 this is ONLY smut btw. not proofread.. sorry :/ jjk works now being uploaded to @puppykento
word count: 1.5k words
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Sukuna's gaze flicks across the row of kneeling concubines, analysing each of their features to see which one would be most suitable for his needs tonight. As he walks alongside the row of undressed women, he stops occasionally to have a closer look at the ones that particularly interest him. His hands explore them, groping every inch of them before he's lost interest once more, skulking further down the line.
He looks at you curiously once he reaches you, all four eyes trained on your body. He kicks your knees wider apart with a foot, tilting his head.
"You aren't completely hopeless." He says as he examines you, his two lower arms keeping your legs spread as he squats down. One of his other four hands begins to roughly grope one of your tits while his final hand explores between your folds, his fingers gathering up the slick that's begun to drip from you.
“With me, pet.” He orders after a moment, giving you a slight squeeze before standing up. Pet. That was all he had ever addressed any of you as. He did not learn the names of those deemed lesser than him. Your name would never register in his mind - you'd remain another pet for him to use and discard once he was bored. You keep your gaze down as you follow after him, staying quiet. It was best to be obedient when captured by Sukuna - something you had learned after witnessing the many punishments he'd made women endure.
You hadn't been chosen before. You could feel yourself shaking slightly as you were led to his chambers. He sat on the bed with his legs spread, letting his robe fall open. Your eyes widen at the sight, a tremble developing in your hands. You'd heard the stories, but you thought them to be exaggerations.
Sukuna laughs at your reaction, clearly amused. “Impressive, are they not?” He muses, languidly stroking one of his large cocks, his eyes trained on your face. He thumbs over the leaky tip, his grin growing as he watches your gaze trail the movement.
“On your knees, pup.” He waits for you to comply before tugging you even closer by your collar - the only thing you were permitted to wear. He looks down at you, his eyes trailing your form. He slips one of his legs between your thighs, then pushes you down by your shoulder so you're practically seated on his ankle.
“Such a drippy cunt.” He teases, tapping the head of one of his cocks against your lips until you open up, pushing the head past the entrance of your mouth. “Go on, puppy. You look like a bitch in heat. Hump it and show me how badly you want your master.”
He laughs harder when you start to rub your pussy against his leg and desperately try to suck his cock. Your jaw is stretched to the limits to accommodate his girth, and all you can really do is suck on the tip.
“Is that the best you can do?” He grunts, pulling you off his cock with a look of dissatisfaction spreading across his features. “You're more of a dirty mutt than a pup, really. An entirely pathetic little thing. Can't even suck cock right. Are you sure you're one of mine? Usually I have a talent for picking sluts…”
He lets out an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose like your very existence is an annoyance to him. He clicks his tongue, hoisting you up and onto the bed unceremoniously by your collar. “Not that it matters. A bitch is a bitch. They all take dick the same.”
He has your legs dangling off the edge of the bed, your ass in the air. He settles between your legs, spreading your folds with two thumbs. “Humans are such fragile things.” He murmurs, sounding like he's talking more to himself than he is addressing you. He fucks two fingers into your weeping hole, scissoring them open. “Need to make sure you can take me, little one.”
You hear him spit, a sudden wetness hitting your tighter hole that makes you flinch, your eyes widening. “Don't give me that look, pup. You have two perfectly good holes for my cocks. I'm going to use them.” He grunts, and then he's pushing a finger past the tight ring of muscle.
It takes a while to adjust, your chest heaving with heavy breaths as you grip the sheets beneath you. You open your mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a pathetic whine, your brows pinching together.
“Good dog.” He coos, doing his best to stretch you open. His patience wears thin after a few more moments, and he pulls his hands away from your body, stroking his cocks. “Want a treat, puppy?”
He grabs a handful of your hair and yanks your head, shaking it up and down to mimic a nod. He grins at that, pinching one of your cheeks before he's rubbing the tip of one of his cocks up and down your folds, parting them before he presses his hips forward, filling you up inch by inch.
He bottoms out with a low groan, his hand lazily stroking his second cock as he focuses his eyes on you. “Such a fat pussy, pup. Sucks me in so good…”
He pulls out so just the tip is in, but he doesn't thrust back in like you expect. You make a noise of protest, arching your back and trying to push back against him. “Such a greedy fuckin’ dog. I told you you're taking both my dicks tonight, so be fuckin’ patient while I get it in. I've torn sluts in half before, and I'll do it again.”
Your heart beats faster at his threat, and you instantly still your movements. You feel the head of his cock nudging your ass, and it's not long before he's pushing forward, splitting both of your holes open on his cock. The pain of the stretch has your eyes watering. You feel like it's hard to suck in a breath, your body shaking as the air is fucked out of your lungs.
He's brutal. He doesn't give you a chance to adjust. This isn't for you, after all. You're his pet. His property. He pounds you into the mattress, pulling you harshly into his thrusts with his grip on your hips, using you like a fleshlight.
“Speak, pup.” He hisses through gritted teeth, yanking you back repeatedly as he fucks you on both of his cocks. The nails of his fingers dig harshly into the flesh of your hips, leaving marks in the skin.
“S'good, feels so-” You're cut off as he yanks your hair back painfully, making you yelp. Your body is folded in half, your back arched almost unnaturally as he drags the upper half of your body to be flush against his while he thrusts into you from behind.
“Stupid mutt.” He grunts out, one of his free hands grabbing at your stomach to pull you closer to him. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, biting down harshly. “Dogs don't talk. Try again.”
Heat creeps up your face and neck as you register his command, your heart dropping to your stomach. You bark once, as if just testing the waters. Clearly you've pleased him, cause he moans loudly in your ear and adjusts his hips so he's pounding relentlessly against that gummy spot that makes your stomach tighten up.
“Good… good fuckin’ pup. Just like that. Make some noise f’me.” His thrusts are slow and deep, knocking the air out of you each time he bottoms out. You bark again, and he speeds up, making you keen and arch into him further. You feel the coil tightening in your stomach, your mouth hanging open as he uses your cunt for his own pleasure.
A bark is forced from your lips every time his hips smack the fat of your ass. It isn't long before you cum, your eyes rolling back as you moan loudly, shaking in his grasp. Sukuna growls loudly at the feeling of you clenching around him, your walls fluttering around his cock while his other cock gets milked by your tight ass. He pins you to the mattress with his large frame as he forces his way balls deep into you, filling you with an inhuman quantity of cum.
He pulls out with a shuddering breath, cleaning himself off before slipping his robe back on. He watches your holes leak his cum with satisfaction, giving you a moment before addressing you again.
“Up, pet. Time to go.” He murmurs, patting your ass a few times. He seems to pause for a moment, his expression softening almost imperceptibly as he looks at you.
“I'll have someone run you a bath.” Is all he says before he waves you off, his eyes lingering only a moment too long.
686 notes · View notes
polakina · 1 year ago
Text
on his knees for you
pairing: javier escuella x reader
rating: mature
outline: a robbery goes sideways, and your already rocky friendship with a fellow camp mate is put to the test as you evade the guards of Van Horn
warnings: cursing, so much bickering, canon-typical gore and violence, flirting, slightly suggestive (this is by far the tamest thing i've ever written)
requests are open! hope you enjoy, petals <3
a/n: i can't believe how many notifications i've gotten about my works over the past week. its fucking crazy. thank you so much, you're all absolute stars
masterlist
II
It was a simple job, really. Get in, steal the bonds, and get out.
But nothing ever went as simple as the original plan, did it? Not with the Van Der Linde gang. There was always a little bit of improvisation to be had. Which was exactly what you were doing right now.
Bullets firing past your ears, blood running down your leg, the target’s personal guards chasing you down the winding paths of Roanoke Ridge.
-
One day earlier.
The plan was set. Arthur, Bill and Lenny were to infiltrate the building and steal the bonds, while Micah and Charles handled the guards. You and Javier were on lookout, posted at the entrance gates. 
You were all stationed just outside of Van Horn, your target being the mansion and its occupiers. Trelawny had brought intel of bonds on their way through Van Horn to Annesburg, stopping off at the mansion overnight. Roanoke wasn’t a place anyone wanted to be caught up in at night.
“It’s fucking freezing out here,” you muttered, leaning further against your horse, absorbing his body heat as much as you could. It had been hours of waiting around and checking on the mansion. No movement whatsoever since the sun began to set. Darkness was nearing and the coach was nowhere to be seen.
Javier stood beside you, rifle in hand, eyes fixated on the road to the right, where the coach should appear from. “Want my poncho?” He asked, glancing at you briefly.
You didn’t even cast him a look as you responded. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your style, Escuella. I think I’ll survive without it.” You sighed, and moved from your position, heading further down the road, hiding in the trees to watch from a different position, seeing the road winding down Roanoke Ridge to New Hanover.
The two of you had never gotten along. He didn’t like your attitude one bit. You were snarky, cold. Something you’d developed after years of running with Arthur and John. He’d try and make conversation, you’d brush it off. He’d invite you on a fishing or hunting trip, you’d decline and say you preferred to hunt alone. He couldn’t win. You never sat with the camp during his songs or meals, you were always perched somewhere else, keeping lookout. That’s what you did. That’s all you ever did. 
So after a few months, he gave up. Not exactly understanding your harshness to him, he just accepted it instead. He returned your cold comments and your mean stares. Years passed and you bickered like enemies living beside one another. 
You whistled out to the group as you spotted the coach. Your whistle blended with the birds, so it was undetected by the gourds watching the bonds.
Everything went smoothly, Arthur, Lenny and Bill making quick work of breaking into the bonds lock box, and you heard the guards grunting and groaning as they hit the floor from Micah and Bill’s attacks.
Through your scope, you spotted as the boys grabbed the bonds, throwing them into their satchels. Drifting your rifle along the side of the mansion, you sensed something wrong with Bill. He was arguing with Micah. More so than usual. 
“What’s going on?” Javier whispered, lying beside you, hidden between the trees.
You shushed him, focusing on Bill. Their argument grew even more heated, and you caught a glimpse of lantern light behind them. You watched as they turned, cursing loudly before returning fire. Micah had scurried off during the brawl with the guards, seeking other treasures and getting himself caught in a scuff with guardsmen minding their own business.
“Shit, shit,” Javier cursed, throwing an arm over you and holding you down, protecting your head as bullets fired your way. “He can’t keep his head for one mission, puta madre!”
Arthur had ordered for, if the mission went south; which you had good money on it that it did, that you scatter. Split up and evade Van Horn at all costs, go the long way around New Hanover until it was safe to return back to camp so you were sure you weren’t followed. 
They had the bonds, all they needed to do was escape without getting caught. But you wouldn’t have minded if Micah got murdered in the. Just when you thought he’d found your last nerve, he managed to hit another one.
“I think this is our cue to leave,” you said through gritted teeth, pushing yourself onto your feet and grabbing your gear. Javier was on your heels, close behind. You hiked deeper into Murfree Brood territory, constantly keeping an eye over your shoulders for lantern light.
“Our safest path is through Roanoke,” Javier said from behind you, following your path through the trees. “The guards won’t dare follow us through there this late at night.”
You halted suddenly, whipping around to face Javier. He was caught off guard, almost stumbling into you, a surprised expression on his face. “Are you crazy, Escuella? Murfree Brood hunt here at night. If it’s not the guards who get us, it’ll be them. And I’d rather take my chances with bullets rather than-”
A bullet shot through the wind, straight through your leg into the tree behind you. It caught your words in your throat and you almost crumbled to the ground under the pain firing down your leg. Javier didn’t even blink as he wrapped an arm around you, catching you before you fell. He pulled his gun from its holster at his hip, pointing it over your shoulder and firing it straight into the head of the guard who fired at you first.
It drew attention. Of course, it did. Javier pulled you away from the scene, down the winding path leading to New Hanover. His arm stayed firmly around your waist, and you tried to hold in your groans of pain as your feet collided with uneven terrain, worsening the sting of the wound.
You both heard voices, coming from the top of the hill of which you had just descended. Javier pulled you around a large oak tree, pushing your body against the bark which pulled a pained gasp from your lips. “Fucking hell, Javier. At least try to be gentler with-” His hand clamped over your mouth, his body pressed against yours as he looked past the tree trunk to the guards making their way past you, checking their surroundings as they went. 
“You need to learn to shut up once in a while,” he whispered, looking back to you. His hat was tipped down his head, shielding his eyes. “I’m trying to save you and you’re still complaining.”
You looked up at him, your mouth still firmly covered, your hand wrapped around his wrist, instinct from when he shut you up. He smelled of whiskey and firewood, his scent filling your nostrils. His hand wrapped around your waist protectively, tightening as the footsteps grew closer.
Pulling his hand down, you noticed his skin never left yours. It rested around your neck. Softly, no pressure in his fingers, but the heat of his palm burned against your pulse, and he felt your heart rate jump. “Thought you would have wanted to get rid of me, Escuella,” you whispered, looking up at him. 
But he just looked down at you, surprised. “What?”
“Get rid of me. Hand me off to some guards searching through half the woods for us.” Your gaze never wavered. “Would certainly save you the trouble of dealing with me back at camp.”
He just smirked, tilting his head up, his eyes turned down to look at you. “And why would I want to get rid of you? Perhaps I enjoy the trouble you cause me. Ever thought about that?” His eyebrows raised as you stood there, unable to form words. “So are you going to  shut up and behave yourself while I get you out of here? Or are you going to keep talking until they figure out where we are?”
Javier waited for your response, but it never came. You just bowed your head, sealing your lips in a thin line. He took that as a sign that you’d ‘shut up and behave’. 
The men eventually left, abandoning their search for you, leaving both you and Javier a window of opportunity to flee.
-
The sun poked out above the trees from the makeshift camp Javier had set up in New Hanover. You were shielded by the canopy of branches, the fire in front of you keeping you warm. But it wasn’t doing anything good for the bullet wound in your leg. You stretched out your leg, wincing at the pain shooting through your body.
“I told you not to try and fix it by yourself,” you heard Javier say as he emerged with an armful of firewood, dropping it by your bags. “Your hands will shake before you’ve finished stitching it.”
You glared up at him. “Would you suggest I just leave it? Cut my leg off?”
Javier rolled his eyes at you, kneeling in front of you, his knees on either side of your wounded leg. “I would suggest…that you should wait for me. I’ll stitch it for you.”
Pulling his knife from the holster at his ankle, he sliced the blade through the fabric of your pant leg like butter. All the way up to your hip. “Hey!” You called out. “They were new pants.”
“I’ll buy you a replacement. Now shut up.” He was always harsh with his words, but now, it was even more so. A slight pang of worry soaked his tone.
“You’re such an ass sometimes-ow!” His fingers pushed against the wound on your leg, blood pooling out to the floor. “The fuck was that for?”
He looked indifferent as he looked up at you. “Feeling for any shrapnel. You don’t have any, thankfully, or else this would have hurt a lot more than its about to.”
“I could have told you that,” you grimaced as he began cleaning the wound. Applying pressure to one end of the bullet hole only forced blood through the other side. You could see both the entry point and exit point of the wound, stretching across the left and right sides of your leg.
You were both silent as he cleaned your leg, but you gasped as he pulled out a needle. He saw a panicked flash across your face, seeing it appear as quickly as it fled. “Easy,” he soothed, patting your knee. “I’ll be quick. You won’t feel it.”
“Don’t lie to me,” you whispered, your eyes only focused on the needle.
He sighed, leaning closer, tipping your chin up to meet his softened gaze. “Okay. You will feel it. But not much. A bee sting, that’s all it feels like. But it’ll be easier if you lie down.”
“Why?”
“Your muscles tense when you sit upright. You could at least be comfortable while I stitch you up.” He helped you into a more comfortable position. Javier still straddled your shin, one of his hands pressed against your thigh while his other stitched the hole closed. You laid there, his poncho acting as your pillow as you looked up at the trees.
You ignored the sting you felt each time the needle pierced your skin. Javier wasn’t wrong, it did feel like a bee sting. What’s more important, was that you could manage that sort of pain. “Thank you,” you said quietly, but you weren’t certain he heard you at first, until the needle stopped in your skin, his actions immoveable. Lifting your head and straining your neck, you met his eye. There was a small smile on his face, the corners of his moustache turned upwards with his laugh lines driven deep into his skin. You always did like his smile. That was the one thing that never changed about him. 
“It’s the least I can do,” he smiled, turning his attention back to your stitches. “It’s sort of my fault you got shot in the first place.”
“Sort of? You mean ‘entirely’?” You laughed as he playfully slapped your other leg with the back of his hand.
“Quit laughing,” he chuckled with you. “Or I’ll end up stabbing you in the wrong place.”
He finished quickly, wiping away any trace of blood before gently bandaging your leg. His soft touch lingered for a little while, his thumb gently rubbing soothing patterns into your skin. Your breath stopped in your throat as his touch rose higher. Higher up your thigh. To where your thigh met your hip. He was so fixated on it, he didn’t realise what he was doing until he felt your pulse beating at an ungodly rate at the top of your inner thigh.
His eyes flicked up to yours, where you laid, patiently. You were curious what sorts of thoughts were running through his head right now. What sort of cogs were turning in that brain of his.
You pushed yourself up onto your elbows, your face closer to his than it had ever been before. “What?” You coaxed, too curious to keep quiet now.
“Nothing,” he moved to lean back, his hands drifting down your thighs, but they never left your body before you grabbed the front of his shirt, holding him in place.
“What did I say? Don’t lie to me, Javier.” Your voice never raised above a whisper. It didn’t need to. You were so close a whisper felt like a shout.
He didn’t respond. He couldn’t speak. The close proximity had rendered him faulty in speech. So instead he closed the gap. His lips touched yours, his body melting against your touch. You didn’t expect it. All those years of bickering. All those years of cruel comments and nasty looks. Nothing prepared you for this. But you welcomed it.
Javier leaned you back, your head meeting the poncho  as you felt his body settle on top of yours. Breaking away for air, you saw a softened, kinder look in his eye when he looked at you. “Is this your apology for me getting shot?” You asked, smiling against his lips as he kissed you once more.
“Is it working?” His lips moved to your neck, hovering above your skin to a point where it tickled.
“Hmm…maybe.” 
“Then perhaps I’ll try a different angle,” he smirked, unbuttoning your pants, encapturing your lips in a soft kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth. He had a lot of making up to do.
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sparkles-and-trash · 1 year ago
Text
dabi & shouto bonding + dabihawks, fluff
It's almost noon when Touya comes shuffling into the living room he shared with his boyfriend, PJ pants hanging low on his hips, no shirt in sight.
"Well, good mo-, no wait, good midday to me, handsome," Keigo quipped with a grin and Touya rolled his eyes.
Yeah, yeah, I'm a lazy bum, I know I know," Touya replied with a yawn and a stretch.
"We can't all just call home office and lunge around in sweats all day and call it work, yanno," he added and Keigo laughed.
"So staying up until 3 am gaming with Spinner and Tenko counts as work, now?" the hero asked with a sly smirk, and Touya sighed.
"I need a shirt for this conversation, and either their all in the wash or you stole some again, and I think we all know which one is true."
Keigo raised his eyebrows at that.
"I haven't taken any more than you've given me, I swear!" he said with hands raised in surrender, and Touya sighed dramatically.
"Well, what am I supposed to wear then?"
-
Listen, Touya loves Keigo.
Everything about him, actually.
Except for the fact that, ever since the war ended and the hero was allowed to develop his own style, that style turned out to be a mix between cottage core lesbian and confused grandpa.
Actually Touya didn't mind it when the clothes were on Keigo, he actually kinda loved it.
But while Keigo looked ridiculously hot in Touya's band shirts and big hoodies, Touya didn't quite have that same luxury.
So, there he sat, in a crowded coffee shop, a busy afternoon, out in public, with his white hair, scarred skin, piercings, tattoos, ripped black skinny jeans and... a very eclectically colored cardigan Touya suspected Keigo had dug out of a thrift store that should have been closed decades ago.
Yeah, fuck his life.
Just as the former villain pulled the bucket hat he had also borrowed from his boyfriend further down on his head in a vain attempt to hide he noticed the person he was here to meet come in trough the door.
"Shouto," Touya said out loud, raiding his hand to grab his brothers attention.
His dork of a younger brother smiled, as brightly as he ever did, and moved over to Touya quickly.
"Nii-san!" The young hero greeted and Touya huffed.
"Yeah yeah, sit down ya dork, I ordered you your..."
Touya's voice trailed off as Shouto took off his jacket.
"Todoroki Shouto, are you wearing my fucking shirt?!"
Shouto looked up at him with a hint of surprise on his face as he looked down on himself , before he nodded.
"Yes, it appears that I am," he said simply before happily taking a sip of his bubble tea.
Touya just stared at him.
"Why?" he finally asked as Shouto didn't elaborate.
Shouto took his time enjoying his tea before he answered.
"It's like a hand-over, it's normal for brothers to do, you know?" he replied with a shrug.
Touya blinked a few times trying to catch up.
"A hand... over?" he finally asked, trying his best to wrap his head around this.
He decided this was a bucket hat off situation, and just as he placed the hat down, Shouto picked ip back up and put in on his head.
"Like this, see?" the young hero said as if that answered all the questions.
Touya just stared back and Shouto sighed.
"Iida said he used to get his older brothers stuff all the time, Nii-san, I really think you're making too much out of this."
Oh.
Oh, god.
This poor, clueless, sweet bastard.
"You're talking about hand-me-downs, aren't you?" Touya finally asked, and Shouto nodded.
"Yes, that was the phrase."
Touya bit his lip, trying to figure out how to go about this without being too mean.
Look at him, all reformed and shit.
"Look Sho, I get that we have a lot of catching up to do, but if you want my stuff as hand-me-downs or whatever it'd be great if you asked first, okay?" Touya explained.
Shouto hummed.
"I must have misunderstood the tradition then, I apologize."
Touya huffed.
"It's okay, kid," he said with a small smile, and Shouto smiled back, before his gaze fell to the cardigan Touya was wearing and his brown furrowed.
"You can keep that one, though," Shouto said seriously, and Touya couldn't help but laugh out loud.
"Yeah, I don't judge ya there, kid," he replied with a grin.
Before they parted ways a few hours later Touya quickly snapped a picture of Shouto in the bucket hat to send to Keigo with a warning that he'd probably never seen that hat again.
It was handed down now, after all.
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mairyal · 3 months ago
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Since it's Easter, let me manifest Bobby's resurrection by listing, in a slightly passive-aggressive way, some of the very VERY wrong things about his death.
Feel free to add anything you want.
1. Wrong time. Why would you k*ll off a main character three episodes before the end of the season!? Are you planning on dealing with his mourning in three episodes? Close off all the new possible storylines in, idk, 1h of screentime? ('cause you still need to make the general audience happy, you still need the action, you can't write 3 whole episodes of people sobbing). So why the heck now? You could've waited until the end of the season and leave the mourning for S9. Unless you are trying to resurrect him... But I don't want to be delusional, so let's move on.
2. You took off one of the main pillars of the series and didn't work on a replacement. Bobby was the core of 911 and, as much as I love him, Buck is just not ready to take his place. Cause we all saw that they are working towards that, right? But this is too soon. He's the same guy who adopted a dog to replace his best friend because he can't deal with loss! He is not ready to be a captain nor to shoulder the entire series. We could argue about Hen or Chimney (rn they are hands-down better options), but I idk, to me it's pretty obvious that Bobby's legacy is supposed to be carried on by Buck. At the right time.
3. Bobby's arc has always been about redemption and building a new life. It's not just about his desire to live, but to him actually living and finding peace. Watching him 💀 while he still wants to live is a slap in the face to the audience and nothing more. "Oh, this character is close to the completion of his arc? Let's unalive him."
4. What development? Bobby's death has been described as necessary to further develop the other characters. Okay. How? By making the character depressed and the audience numb over anything you're going to write from now on? We all singlehandedly throw all of our conjectures and hypotheses in the trash because nothing seems worth it anymore. Yes, the characters are going to experience loss... And this is exactly what the public wanted, right? We all just can't wait to watch all of our favourite characters be sad and angry over a rushed and badly written death.
5. "It's about realism and paying respect to the people that actually die on the job." Really? The crazy-ass scientist that creates a crazy-ass virus, smacks a colleague in the face, throws everything on fire and runs with the only vial of vaccine because she wants to become a Nobel prize and deal with climate change? Of course. And I don't let me start with all of the Hen stuff.
6. WHERE IS EDDIE. I don't even know how to make this brief. How dare you make THE main character die and leave one of the other mains out? How dare you think that hearing Eddie talk about how he learned about Bobby's death is nearly enough? You smashed a pillar of your show and decided that leaving another pillar out is a good idea? I know that we are going to see Eddie during the funeral, but this is so disrespectful for him and for all of the people who care about him and his relationship with the team. I loved the idea of him leaving for El Paso and finding himself, because I always felt like we needed to see him on his own. But why would you leave him out of this? Where's the ratio?
7. You 💀 off a main character and make the others angry with him? I don't know how the next episode is going to go, but it seems like it is going to be mostly about anger and guilt. I'm not a screenwriter, but to me this looks like a narrative s*icide. You know that your audience is going to be angry, and you think that making your characters angry too is a good idea? You are basically making your own characters explain how wrong all of this is. And you're actively choosing to give yourself as little time as possible to try and make everything right by the end of the season. Wtf?
So, yes, I am siding with the resurrection, but mostly because all of this screams laziness and incompetence, and I still refuse to believe that 911's writers are this lazy and incompetent.
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hwaslayer · 2 years ago
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project: make you love me (jyh) | eleven.
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♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist
—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.
—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa
—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut
—word count: 3.2k
—chapter content/warnings: sawrrry this is a bit of a filler chapter 🤠 more development between these two, cussing/mature language, another seonghwa flashback, small kisses hehe, these two are still shy (but so in luv 😙), making out, naps with yuyu <33
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"Yunho." You whisper as you tap his chest.
"That's me." He says deeply, huskily; it makes you giggle to yourself a bit. 
"Wake up." You pout as his eyes slowly flutter open.
"Time is it?"
"Around 5AM."
"Goooood lord." He shuts his eyes again and pulls you closer. "Absolutely not."
"Yunho." You whine. "Let's go watch the sunrise."
"Y/N, you are very cute and I would do anything to make you happy." He says groggily. "But, it's only been about 3 hours since we fell asleep. Don't you wanna get more sleep?"
"I've tried sleeping more but I can't."
"You really wanna watch the sunrise?" 
"Yes." He opens and eye to peek down at you— indeed, you are very, very awake. He can't help but chuckle a bit because you're giving him that cute smile while tucked underneath his arm.
"Okay then."
"Really?"
"Yeah." He stretches a bit and yawns before fully waking himself up. "Just need to get dressed. You don't have any clothes to change into? It's probably freezing outside."
"Gonna need to stop by my apartment before we go."
"Okay then, let's get going." But before you can get up, Yunho gently puts his arm in front of you to prevent you from moving any further and squints his eyes at you, as if he was observing you very closely.
"What?" You ask him, eyes wide and alert.
"Damn, you really are serious about this." You snort and playfully hit him on the arm.
"Please, I've never been able to catch the sunrise." You pout.
"And you wanna do this with me?" He chuckles a bit.
"Of course I do." You give him a small smile and he nods.
"Okay then." You watch as he gets up first to stretch again, walking over to his closet to find you a jacket to throw on for this spontaneous journey you crazily have him agreeing to.
The tiny trek back to your apartment wasn't too bad, being that Yunho's jacket had added a protective layer and shielded you from getting too cold. You could see your breath in the morning, crisp hair; the sky still dark and patiently waiting for the sun to rise. You quietly step into your apartment, dashing into your room to grab a change of clothes and to wash up a bit better before heading out. Yunho sits on your couch and waits, scrolling through his phone to find random screenshots Mingi had sent him from the party last night.
mingi: dude last night was wild
mingi: did you end up leaving with y/n? i cant remember.. is she okay?
yunho: yeah, she's good.
mingi: did you guys hook up? how was it? 😏
Yunho furrows his brows and chuckles a bit, responding to Mingi quickly to get his nose out of his business— because he knows this is going to be relayed to Seonghwa. Not that he cares, but he'd like to keep Seonghwa guessing a bit more. 
yunho: we just chilled, relax. lol
mingi: i have to tell you about last night
mingi: but are you fr? you guys didn't hook up?
Yunho's eyes shift to the hallway when he hears a door creak open, a wild Soobin popping out of the frame.
"Oh." Soobin sleepily walks out with rough bedhead, eyes barely open when he heads to the kitchen to grab water. "Yunho, hey." He says sleepily with a wave. 
"Hey." Yunho says as he watches him pop open a water bottle and take a few swigs. 
"Feel like shit." He mumbles before pointing towards the bathroom. "Y/N in there?" Yunho nods. At that moment, you quietly slip out, surprised to see Soobin up and walking.
"The heck?" You giggle seeing his current state and playfully ruffle his hair.
"Shut up. Where are you going?"
"To watch the sunrise."
"That's crazy. You let her talk you into this?" Soobin looks at Yunho, and Yunho gives him a simple, pursed smile in return. "Goodluck. I'm going back to bed." He mumbles before lazily waving at you and Yunho, slipping himself back his shared room with Seungmin. You shift your attention back to Yunho, slowly walking towards him in your newly changed outfit. He thinks you're the cutest— dressed in your leggings, those legwarmers, uggs.
That oversized, olive-colored jacket.
The thick scarf wrapped around your neck.
Your cream beanie.
"Speak now or forever hold your peace." You mutter and Yunho laughs, standing on his two feet.
"Come on. We gotta get there to catch the sunrise in time."
"Get where?" You lock up the front door before following Yunho to his car. 
"I think I know the perfect place to catch the sunrise." He stands near the opened passenger door, patiently waiting for you to get inside. You giggle to yourself before hopping in; settling into the seat just as Yunho sits in the driver's seat and immediately turns on the heat. 
"Sorry."
"For?" Yunho raises his brow.
"Dragging you out of bed." He chuckles.
"I mean, truthfully, I can feel myself dying by the minute." You playfully smack him on the bicep, making him laugh a bit louder this time.
"Yunho, don't play. I feel bad. Let's just—"
"I'm kidding, Y/N. I meant it when I said I'd do anything to make you happy." 
"But, I want you to be happy, too."
"I am." He gives you a small smile before caressing your chin. "Promise."
"Okay, Jeong Yunho. I'm taking that to heart." He chuckles.
It isn't too long before Yunho's pulling into a lot of a nearby hiking trail. He reassures you that there's a shorter path that'll take you up the hill, where there is a bench you can sit to enjoy the view and catch the sunrise. You let him take the lead to guide you on the right path, but he stops when he finds the coffee cart nearby. The coffee cart sits near the small welcome center, lights on the overhead illuminating the cart brightly during this dark morning.
"Want hot chocolate? Coffee?"
"Ou, hot chocolate sounds bomb."
"It does. I'll grab us some." He jogs over to the cart, smiling at the middle-aged man who is patiently waiting for time to pass, for more customers to arrive. He's quick to fix the two cups of hot chocolate, Yunho walking back over within the next 5 minutes. "Here. Drink up while it's warm."
"Thank you, Yunho." He smiles, walking alongside you— keeping a bit of a lead to guide you and show you the way. "I don't think I even knew about this place."
"Hm. It's a hidden gem, really. Everyone usually goes to the busier hiking trail nearby."
"Do you come here often?"
"Nope." Yunho chuckles. "But, my aunt took me and my mom here when they visited awhile ago."
"Sweet. I love how you're close to them. I hope I get to meet them one day." You say without really thinking about how it sounds, or how it comes off. When you do realize, you shoot Yunho a look and apologize for having assumed where you two stood. "Oh, I mean, you know. If they happen to be on campus again and what not—" Yunho laughs.
"You'll get to meet them outside of campus. Don't worry." You shyly blush and break eye contact, looking out at the path ahead. It's actually not that far of a walk, seeing that the bench Yunho had mentioned was only a few feet up ahead. It's perched on the side of the hill that overlooks the other side of town, with the trail continuing on past it. Both you and Yunho take your seats, sitting close enough to feed off of each other's body heat.
It's comforting.
You're perfectly content sitting next to Yunho, watching the sun slowly begin to rise.
"There's the sun." Yunho lets out a breath before sipping on his coffee. "We made it in time."
"Yay!" You look up at him again. "Can't believe we're catching the sunrise. You really are the best."
"Just want you to be happy because you deserve it, all of it." Yunho says, firmly believing in his own statement. He's not that great with affection and words, but you absolutely deserved way better than Park Seonghwa.
He couldn't even reach the bare minimum.
"You're too good to me."
"I'm being honest." You sip on your hot chocolate in peace, occasionally tracing the lid with your finger. It's quiet as the rest of the sun begins to slowly show itself more and more past the horizon. Eventually, Yunho is the first to break that silence and ask: "Can I ask you something? You don't have to respond either if you don't want to."
"Of course."
"Has Seonghwa tried reaching out to you?" You shake your head.
"Absolutely not. And he shouldn't."
"Hm." He hums. "So, you don't see yourself going back to him?"
"No, Yunho. Why would I put myself through that again, right?"
♣︎ FLASHBACK
"Hwa, wait." Seonghwa pauses in his steps just as he's about to make his way to the car. He cocks a brow up, watching as you take a picture of the sunset.
"What're you doing?"
"Isn't it pretty?"
"I guess? It's like any other sunset." He shrugs. You continue to snap a few pictures, making the impatience grow in Seonghwa a bit. He huffs, shifting his weight from one foot to another before continuing off to the car. "Y/N, come on? I just wanna get home." 
"I'm just taking one more picture."
"The food you asked for is gonna get cold." You roll your eyes and waddle over to the passenger side, sliding into the seat before strapping your seatbelt on. It's a quiet drive for the most part, Seonghwa already annoyed with the fact that you asked him to stop by for some food post-practice. You don't really care much, though. Overall, you had a good day with your friends and you weren't gonna let him ruin it entirely.
"Seonghwa."
"Hm?" He hums, eyes still glued to the road ahead.
"We should catch the sunrise one day." He snorts.
"For what? What's up with you and the sun?"
"I just like it. It's pretty."
"Baby, I can barely get my ass up for class. You're up earlier than me. You should do it."
"I want to do it with you, though." He laughs and it kinda hits you right in the feels, hits you right in the pit of your stomach. 
You try, and you try, and it goes nowhere.
You don't understand why you do this to yourself.
"You don't have to do everything with me, Y/N. Don't wait for me. You should do it if you wanna."
"Yeah." Is all you respond with, nibbling on your bottom lip hearing yet another rejection from Seonghwa.
♣︎ END
"I mean, you had your good days and bad days with him, too."
"I know. He's just in the past now, though. Something I definitely want to move on from and keep him where he belongs in the past. I think he just did more harm than good, and I hated feeling so small and replaceable to him. Like nothing."
"I get you." He says.
"I have no intentions of going back." You give him a tiny, toothless smile in response to his reaction. "Promise."
"Okay. I'll hold onto every word of yours." It's quiet again while the two of you continue to watch. This time, after an or so, it's your turn to break the silence; pondering about the sudden question Yunho asked.
He must be worried, right?
Worried that you'd crawl back to Seonghwa, fall into his games, traps.
You get it. You get Yunho.
Seonghwa is only a mere passing thought at this point.
"Yunho."
"Hm?" He sips on his coffee
"I know I was kinda drunk, but I meant what I said on the phone while I was away."
"What did you say?" He smirks, subtly biting onto the lid of his cup while his eyes are glued onto yours. You giggle and shake your head, taking a sip of your hot chocolate before looking back out at the view.
"Nothing." You tease back.
"Aw, really? Like that?" He gently nudges you with a small chuckle. "I guess you didn't really mean it, then." He shrugs.
"Hey." You whine. "I did mean it." You look at him with a pout and he continues to smirk that smirk of his until you give in. God, he was becoming your weakness. "I meant it when I said I like you, Yunho." His smile grows.
"I meant it when I said I like you, too."
"I'm glad we're on the same page, then." He nods.
"I feel a bit silly explaining this, but last night.." He lets out a breath. "I hope you don't feel like you did anything wrong because you didn't. I just really wanna do things right with you. I meant that, too."
"I know." You look down at his free hand dug into his pocket. You hesitate a bit, but you eventually slip your hand into his pocket and lace your finger with his— a gesture that makes his heart melt and adore you even more. 
The both of you sit there while quietly sipping on your drinks and watching the rest of the sun rise from its slumber. It's still cold, and you can still see your breath in the air. But Yunho is warm next to you; his hand is warm, his company is warm.
"So, am I off the hook with reading your lit reviews?" He teases again, making you laugh.
"No, please. I still need your help for the rest of the semester if it doesn't bother you."
"I'm kidding. It doesn't. I wanna help." You lean into his arm a bit more, trying to recover with his warmth. "Are you cold?"
"A bit."
"Do you wanna head back then? Sun is up." You nod.
"Yeah, I think I'm good. Thank you again for watching the sunrise with me." You look up at him, planting a kiss on his cheek. However, before you could pull back completely, you feel Yunho gently tug on your hand— signaling for you to stay close. 
So, you do.
And Yunho dips forward to give you a sweet, chaste kiss on the lips. You giggle and bite your lip when you catch how red the tip of his ears have become.
"That's better." He chimes in before standing, keeping your hand laced with his in his pocket. "What are you gonna do when we get back, though? Are you gonna hang out with your roommates?" The both of you toss your empty cups into the nearby trash can.
"Maybe, yeah. Take a nap." You chuckle. "What about you?"
"Same since I feel myself crying for sleep now." You laugh. "Do you wanna nap at my place?" He looks at you before clearing his throat. "I mean, totally up to you. I don't mean to be forward but just wanted to put the option out there. B-but, don't feel—"
"I'd love to nap with you." You blush.
"I swear I won't take any more time away from Chaery." 
"She'll be okay." You giggle. But, just as you reach the bottom of the hill, your phone starts to beep from incoming texts.
"You sure about that?" Yunho smirks when he sees you flash your screen his way; Chaery's name popping up a few times.
chaery: shit it is so early but i swear i heard you come in earlier. did you??
chaery: i'm also kinda bleh from the alchy last night. so my bad if not, hehe. i guess you're still with yunho?!
chaery: i'm gna go back to sleep but come back soon. imy. but i hope you're having the time of your life with your man <33 get it girl!!
"She's okay. Promise. She's just wondering where I'm at and if it was me that walked in earlier." You try to text back using your free hand, letting your bestfriend know you'd be at Yunho's for a bit longer.
you: it was me, sorry for waking you, love. i am with yunho! i'll prob head back in a few hours. hehe get some more sleep! 
"Y/N." You tuck your phone back into your pocket and look up at Yunho.
"Yes?"
"Are you sure? About the nap?"
"Yes. Unless you take your invite back." 
"Of course not." Yunho briefly lets go of your hand to open the passenger door. You slide in, watching him jog over and start the car to get the heat going as soon as possible. He takes a moment to get settled before he's driving off, his hand open and resting on the middle console— waiting for you to lock your hand with his again. 
"Hope you don't mind me borrowing your clothes all the time. I still have to wash the stuff I wore to bed." He chuckles.
"It's okay, I don't mind."
"Is Yeosang up already?" Yunho looks at the time on his dash.
"Probably not. There are rare days when he gets up early to gym or go for a run. But I doubt it after last night." 
"Is he dating anyone?" Your curiosity gets the best of you.
"Not that I know of. He hasn't had someone over in awhile."
"But.. he has?"
"You're cute." Yunho laughs. "He has. And to be honest, there are some moments I don't really wanna remember." You snort.
"Wow, was not expecting to hear that. Good for him."
"Yeah, he's a good guy. He deserves to have some fun sometimes. Plus, it's nice that he's away from the computer."
"That's true, too." You yawn, leaning your head near the window. "Okay, now I can't wait for that nap."
"You see?" Yunho laughs, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.
The drive is a quick 20 minutes, with the rest of the ride falling silent besides Yunho humming along to the songs. You completely feel the exhaustion hit you as soon as Yunho pulls into the familiar lot. The both of you drag yourselves back upstairs and into the quiet apartment, padding into Yunho's room to change into another set of his comfy clothes. You opt for one of his longsleeves and joggers, slipping yourself back into the sheets with Yunho following shortly behind. He tucks you under the covers well before pulling you into his arms and letting you tuck your head near the crook of his neck.
"You're so warm." Yunho lets out a small, breathy laugh when he feels you shiver against him, adjusting his position and keeping you close.
"Feel better?" You look up at him and nod.
"Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me." He says softly, pausing in between his responses. "Y/N?"
"Mhm?"
"Can I kiss you again?"
"I'd like that." You giggle, watching as Yunho dips his head down to kiss you. You smile into the kiss when you realize he doesn't want to pull away— instead, chasing after your lips for another, and another;
And another.
Until the kiss deepens, the both of you indulging in each other through every bit, every second. His hand gives your side a gentle squeeze when he feels you bite onto his bottom lip and let out a breath in between kisses. But, even if the kiss feels like it continues to intensify, even if the fireworks grow with every move, every touch; there is no need, no push, to take things further. 
Just taking him in, as he is with you. 
At some point, Yunho slows down and is the first to pull back. His eyes remain on you though, his hand coming up to brush the hair away from your face. He gives you a tiny, toothless smile before pressing a sweet peck to your forehead, down to the tip of your nose;
To the corner of your lips.
"You're so pretty." He sleepily says, making you giggle and snuggle against him. "Let's sleep."
"Okay." You shut your eyes, slowly falling asleep to the sound of Yunho's soft breathing.
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splonk-fox · 1 month ago
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My thoughts on Kindergarten 3!
So I just finished playing through Kindergarten 3 and GOLLY GEE do I have some thoughts.
Getting my general opinion out the way, I enjoyed my time with Kindergarten 3! It wasn't quite as big or ambitious as I expected, but it's obvious that's because the devs intend on making a forth game, and with how the third game ended... well we'll get to that in the spoiler section.
I'd say it's around the same level as the second game, if not a tiny bit worse. That doesn't make it BAD by any means, but I don't tihnk it took quite the same strides as the second game did when it came to expanding on the formula. Still though, it was a fun time and worth the price if you're looking for more Kindergarten goodness, which this game absolutely has in spades.
Alrighty, with my general thoughts out of the way, it's time to dive into the spoilers section for my more in depth thoughts.
SPOILER WARNING TO ANYONE WHO HASN'T PLAYED KINDERGARTEN 3, FROM HERE ON OUT I WILL BE SPOILING MAJOR PLOT ELEMENTS OF THE GAME, DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED IT FOR YOURSELF YET!
With that spoiler warning out the way, it's time to dive into my actual thoughts on the game as a whole.
One thing I should say is that Kindergarten 3 did not feel like a full experience in the same way the first two did, rather it felt more like it was one half of a much bigger package. The fact that several major characters were just outright missing from the game (such as Jerome, Buggs, Ted, and most jarringly of all, Billy) tells me that this is only part one of a larger story that we'll get to see in the next entry.
The fact that the game left off on such a major cliffhanger as opposed to the relatively conclusive manner that the first two games did tells me that the developers are trying their hand at an overarching narrative that takes place across multiple games as opposed to single, self-contained plot every entry.
And this is by no means a bad thing! Kindergarten 3 definitely left me wanting more, the final mission did a good job drip feeding us pieces of lore while still leaving certain elements unclear, I truly am excited to see what Con Man Games has cooked up for us next (here's hoping we don't have to wait half a decade this time lol)
Now, with all of that being said, allow me to do a quick review of each of this game's missions where I rate them out of ten.
The Show Must Go On - 6/10 A good starter mission, it gets us introduced to Ms. Lovelett and it's fun seeing the characters put on their own messed up version of a classic Shakespeare play.
The highlight would definitely have to be all the humiliation Felix goes through, dude gets put through the wringer and it's hard to say it isn't at least a little deserved (even if I do think having both of his eyes gouged out is a little excessive). Plus, the discovery that Dumpster Lady is actually a god damn witch is a really neat twist that just makes her all the more intriguing of a character.
The Grate Escape - 7/10 Another great starter mission. Carla was my favorite character to be introduced in Kindergarten 2 and she's just as fun here. I wouldn't say it's quite as interesting as her mission in Kindergarten 2, but considering that this is a starter mission, I can't blame it too much. Still a fun time all around.
Cold Blooded Killer - 6/10 Another fun Janitor-centric mission. Once again we're forced to help the Janitor wage war and subsequently kill someone (or something in this case, as it's an alligator, not a person). A pretty fun time all around, don't have much to say on it aside from that.
Gator Aid - 7/10 Basically the inverse of Cold Blooded Killer where you instead help Davey and Linda kill the Janitor before he can kill her. A lot of fun scenes here, I especially enjoyed the part where Davey straight up shanks Ms. Applegate with an axe, very cool stuff.
Garden of Emmy - 6/10 Emmy/Cindy shippers' worst nightmare. This was a fun one. Teaming up with Emmy to ultimately kill Cindy is pretty cathartic considering what she's done to us and other beloved characters like Lily the past two games. I like the spin on the "beware the nice ones" trope with how Emmy tries to befriend Cindy, sees that she's a lost cause and is like "yeah fuck this bitch, let's kill her." Good stuff all around.
Helicopter Parents - 8/10 Really interesting mission that not only expands on the Huxley Family lineage in ways we didn't get to see before (what with us getting to interact with Felix and Ted's father), but also retroactively makes me feel absolutely no sympathy for Felix at all.
Like seriously, Felix sucks. He was bad enough in Kindergarten 2, but Kindergarten 3 makes him into an ableist dirtbag who repeatedly calls Monty derogatory terms that I do not feel comfortable saying at all in this post.
Of course, that's the point, and it makes the repeated humiliation he gets in both this mission and other missions that much more satisfying, especially when you get the option to turn the tables on him at the end. Felix honestly might be the most unlikable character in this series for me and I honestly think that makes him better.
Also god DAMN that ending. I'm not gonna spoil it but it is brutal.
What Happened On Monday? - 7/10 Pretty cool lore chapter, we learn some cool stuff about Regis as well as Alice. Austin was also cool. I think most of us were under the impression that Austin would be a douchebag character, or at least I was. But uh, no, he's actually one of the nicer characters in the whole cast and his relationship with Alice is really cute.
If I had to say anything (and this is less so a criticism of this mission and more the last one) is that I kind of expected Alice to do more in this game considering how important she is to the lore. But she really doesn't do that much. I'm assuming the devs are saving her for Kindergarten 4 but until then, I can't help but be a little disappointed by that fact.
Nugget-o and Lily-et - 9.5/10 Let me just say that my prediction about Nugget's mission centering around his relationship with Lily was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Admittedly I did get some details wrong (such as Billy being in the mission) but either way my sentiment was still correct.
Now I will admit that I am a little biased here. I have been a Nugget x Lily truther since the release of Kindergarten 2, so naturally the mission that is all about exploring their dynamic and giving us more shipping material to work with was gonna end up being one of my favorites, but whether I'm biased or not that does nothing to change the fact that I absolutely loved this mission.
Nugget and Lily's dynamic is so god damn adorable, they're so silly and the Romeo and Juilet play they put on in the cafeteria is genuinely fucking adorable. I love this mission, probably my favorite in the game, Lily x Nugget shippers are eating GOOD with this one.
Paging Dr. Goolittle - 9/10 A solid finale with a lot of fun action. I like the slow buildup to this mission with the hints sprinkled throughout previous missions, it is all incredibly well done and the mission itself is an incredibly enjoyable, action-packed adventure.
The fact that the mission ends on a god damn kaiju battle is fucking legendary and is without a doubt the coolest finale we've had so far.
This would be a perfect 10/10 finale but there are a few things that bug me about it which prevent me from calling it a perfect ending.
For one, despite how crucial he's been to both the first and second games, we never see Billy, at all. Like I can forgive characters like Ted and Buggs not appearing as they were never really main characters to begin with. But Billy? Seriously?
I also couldn't help but feel that Lily was a little underutlized in this chapter. Compared to the last two games where she featured prominently, Lily felt kinda sidelined here. With it instead being Nugget and especially Davey receiving the most attention.
And like, I don't necessarily have a problem with that. Nugget is well... Nugget, and Davey's a pretty interesting character on his own, but I dunno I still couldn't help but feel a little underwhelmed by it.
Like I said in my overall review of the game, I'm sure the reason why characters like Billy don't appear in this game are because they're being saved for Kindergarten 4, but that doesn't mean I can't be a little disappointed by it.
Aside from that I also think Davey's dad/the true principal went a bit underused here. He really doesn't do much at all in this mission and just sort of dies offscreen. Had we actually had more time with the character I think it would've hit a little harder. As it stands I really wasn't given much of a reason to care about this at all.
Overall, when it comes to finales to the Kindergarten games, I'd say this one places in the middle. Better than the first, worse than the second. I'd still say Kindergarten 2 did a better job with its final mission overall even if I don't think it's finale is quite as hype.
And with that, I've reviewed every main mission that this game has to offer. Overall? They were pretty good. There were definitely obvious standouts like Helicopter Parents, Nugget-o and Lily-et and Paging Dr. Goolittle. But I still enjoyed all of them to some degree.
Like I said at the beginning of this review, I am definitely excited to see what Con Man Games has cooking up next for Kindergarten 4, the third game left open a lot of room for a continuation and I'm sure they plan to capitalize it with this future entry whenever it comes out.
Until then, I will be eating my nuggets in peace. Peace out everyone! Remember not to drink poison your teacher gives you just for the sake of doing a school play!
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Text
Prisoner pt.3
König x reader.
I tried to write this one as if it was just memories, every dialogue between those «» are different moments, I hope you can try to imagine it in the same way I did. I hurt my own feelings on the way, Remember every ❤️ is important to me, thank you!.
Warning: I hope none, maybe violence but nothing serious. Grammatical and spelling errors, also a translator was used for the German phrases.
📢 Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.
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Time passed and as you promised, you did your best, you trained hard, you fit in KorTac perfectly, also you won König's trust, both became good friends after you saved him during a mission.
You were controlling a drone, while König was laying on the floor using the sniper, suddenly you heard someone approaching, you didn't hesitate to attack, König just looked at you and said a simple «well done schatz» and continued, for someone else it could be unimportant but for you those words meant a lot.
Every mission helped you to get closer to him, but also you developed another kind of feeling, different to the Respect you had for your Colonel. Every time he was around you felt calm, you felt warm in your chest, every time he unconsciously touched your hand or your shoulder you felt electricity running through your body.
«Colonel are you too busy? Do you mind if I join you?» «Nein, take a seat...»
Every conversation was pretty much the same, You talking a lot, he was just answering, you already knew he is a man of few words.
«... And that's how you play and win in chess» «ja, I know how to play it, just don't like to risk too much in my movements.»
«König, if you have a queen to protect your king... Why wait until the last moment to use it.» «you can win without a queen.» «Jeder König braucht eine Königin (every king needs a queen)» «Where did you learn that?» «At school, duh, but I wasn't really good, Did I say it correctly?» «Ja, very good maus...»
«Did you already think about your new codename? I don't think Buitre is a good codename for someone like you.» « Someone like me? How should someone like me be called then?» «I don't know, you're spirited, strong, smart, attractive... Buitre doesn't fit you.» «Wait, Did you say I'm attractive?» «Wha...?Nein, you're annoying, see you later, alright?» «Alright, see you...»
That day he left quicker than ever, you were having a heart attack, you couldn't believe he said those things about you, mission after mission, you were more and more close, he never said nothing loudly but he enjoyed your company a lot, he was opening himself with you, talking about his dreams or his past.
«Ja, maybe one day I'll decide to retire, I will live in a small house in the countryside.» «i would love to see that, the legend, living in peace after years of hard work» «Sometimes I don't think I can leave... I know I like to be lonely, but to be alone is something I can't handle very well some days». You held his big hand and looked at him, At that moment you weren't sure about what you were doing, you were just leaving your heart to take control of your actions.
«You wouldn't be alone... Remember what I said to you before... Jeder König braucht eine Königin (every king needs a queen) and...since I'm annoying and attractive and also very very single, I wouldn't have any problem to spend the rest of my life with you, you're so far much more than what I always dreamt about...»
Your eyes were closed, at this point you were nervous, risking all the hard work to be around him, you still felt his hand on yours but he was in silence, you were ready to ask him to forgive you for such a comment when you heard something falling on the floor and suddenly his lips collided with yours. It was his mask on the floor, his lips on yours, you could feel a scar, you slowly put your hand on his muscular and big shoulder, and started to go further, his neck, his jaw, finally you touched his face. You didn't need to open your eyes, your hands were more than enough to picture his face on your mind, he was precious, the way he kissed you was soft at first, then it became more intense, the electricity running on your body changed for the feeling of burning, you were in flames, he was the fire you needed to leave your cold and dark past behind. After that evening, both found a new secret reason to fight and went back alive to the base, a secret because no one else but you knew what you had.
«Ich bin dein und du bist mein (I'm yours and you are mine)» König whispered in your ear before sleep, every night and before every mission when nobody was looking at. Life was good and kind for both, giving you the chance to experience how the happiness felt.
But, as with everything, the light needs the dark, the sun needs the moon, the good needs the bad, every beginning needs an end.
It was during a mission. All the team was surrounded by more and more enemies, König was being an amazing leader, guiding everybody to the exit, shouting orders without losing the calm, too focused on saving everyone, letting down his guard just for a second.
That second was enough to end with every possibility of a happy ending. A man was pointing at König, he didn't notice it, but you did, you didn't think about anything else, you did what you needed to protect the person you loved. Jumped just in time to push König aside and make him turn around, but the bullet got you, you fell on the cold ground while könig broke the enemy's head with a quick movement using his weight and a huge hammer in his favor.
- Y/N!
He took you In his arms and ran, you were losing a lot of blood and the pain was getting worse, you resisted until the helicopter landed for all of you. But the pain and the blood were winning the battle. You knew it, you wouldn't make it. You pulled off your dog tag necklace and put it on König's hand.
- NEIN! Look at me y/n! You can't die here!
- I'm sorry my love...
- No, Nein, we have a lot to do, remember? Y/n you said you would spend your life with me...
Everybody was in silence watching the scene, feeling useless and incapable of helping you, they were feeling as intruders In the intimacy of the painful moment.
- I'm getting cold, König would you hold me?
He didn't answer, his actions talked for him, he put you on his lap and held you tight, repeating over and over «Ich bin dein und du bist mein (I'm yours and you are mine)» his gloves and clothes were bathed In your blood, your vision was blurry, you started to close your eyes slowly, you could felt your heartbeat getting slow and quiet, you knew it was over. «Ich liebe dich, meine liebe, meine König...(I love you, my love, my king)» your last breath was accompanied by your last words.
König didn't look down at your body, his look was fixed on the metallic door in front of him, he was containing his rage, his sadness, all the emotional rollercoaster driving him crazy. When they landed, he didn't say anything, he walked with your body to the nursery, the medics didn't try to give CPR or something that could bring you back, they started the protocols for the death.
Three days later, König signed the documents of the autopsy, cremation and another document with your new name and codename, he surprised himself when he read the new codename you chose.
Ex prisoner 505.
Old name: (y/n) (l/n) Old codename: Buitre 6-1.
Reason of imprisonment: War crimes (not specified), murders, torture, undisciplined, deserter (prisoner left his position after committing the aforementioned crimes, was captured and executed).
This prisoner was reported as 'killed in action' before the corresponding authorities, therefore, it does not exist in the system anymore, No more information available.
New identity.
New Name: _____ New Codename: Königin
date of birth: __/__/____ date of death:__/__/____
Cause of death: killed in action. (Y/n)(L/n) died saving the colonel of the team, receiving a bullet directly in the liver, died during the trip to the base, was taken to the nursery by the colonel, the hour of the death was at 18:00 hours, every protocol was attended by the medics of the base. Königin, died with bravery and honor and that is how will be remember.
König cried and sobbed in his office, why did you do that? This shouldn't be happening, both deserved more, this love deserved more, you were too young, a lot of thoughts invaded his mind when something interrupted those dark thoughts, the dog tag, YOUR dog tag necklace, he started to look for it In every pocket until he found it «Buitre 6-1», he put it back where he found it and someone knocking at his door disturbed him. A young soldier, he was carrying a box with your name written on it. König looked at him with cold eyes, took the box and closed the door at the poor soldier's face. He started to look at everything, it wasn't much, a small bottle of perfume, some clothes, a beer, files, cigarettes, bubblegum, candies, and a small paper envelope.
He was feeling guilty for spying on your stuff, but the curiosity was too much, he opened it delicately and found a small piece of metal, another dog tag and a note.
«Thank you for giving me my freedom, thank you for bringing adventures and warmth to my life. Ich liebe dich, meine liebe. You're mine and I'm yours.»
- Königin.
After that day, König started to use your necklace with your dog tags, he visited the place where he deposited your ashes and every time before leaving he kissed the small plate with your name and whispered «I'm still yours, meine Königin, until the day I die»
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tamelee · 8 months ago
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Hi Tamelee!
I was wondering if you could give me some tips/advice about color theory (in art/illustration specifically)?
Anyway, hope you’re doing alright! ( how’s life post uni if that’s not too intrusive?)
With luv <3
Hi @bruitdevague !!
No problem! ^^ I mean, with AI and all, things have changed a lot since my previous plans fell away. It's a bit stressful to say the least... But I don't want to stop drawing, and I really want to dive deep into storytelling (I also can't wait to share my SNS stories with all of you 💕) so, we'll see!
And yeah, sure!
Color theory is a massive subject though, is there anything in particular you want to know more about? For me personally, I think the best thing you can do is to simplify your learning process. I've ignored color theory for a long time because I found it complicated and overwhelming and always just thought I'd wing it. The main reason being that color is relative: it changes depending on the impact different interactions have with the subject: material, color temperature, transmissions, reflections, etc. And my brain can't really handle "well, it depends" when it comes to learning new things. But the result is obvious; I think some of you may be able to see at which point I finally started to learn it a bit on my own journey. ><
Of course, you’re completely free to use whichever colors you want and experiment to develop your own style regardless of theory, but understanding how colors interact is helpful, and in some cases, crucial. Some things are just more visually appealing together and more effective to suit the mood you're going for. (Look for complementary color theory, here's a helpful tool.)
I think, above anything else, the best thing you could do is start learning how to cell-shade until it becomes easier. (It's the art/shading you see in anime, webtoons, and comics.) This also helps you with forms and shapes.
Open a document, add a screenshot, and take your color picker to study the color wheel and take notes on saturation, hue changes, and light. 
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I've done this many times until things just started to 'click' in a way. But take your time, it can take a while. For some this also might be overwhelming, in which case I recommend doing this while studying the theory together.
When it becomes easier and you want to take it a step further, then look at the famous ball that explains other lighting:
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And honestly, also take your time with this.
Take any term, learn what it means and implement it one by one until it starts to make sense.
One thing I'd certainly learn first, or which one has been the most helpful for me is learning about color temperature. Since color is relative, shadows/highlights can become cooler or warmer (it's the shift in hues), which is a much more efficient way to look at it than determining whether something is just darker or not. When I started, I learned greyscale values at first, and although it helped me a lot regarding readability, it never taught me any of this, setting me back for a while. If you want to learn more about the theory itself, I'd recommend: "Color and Light" by James Gurney, and follow along while reading with a document to experiment. Or watch YouTube tutorials for free, but definitely scribble along while you do so! I think, even if you watch YouTube tutorials, it's important to have some kind of goal, or steps you want to take, otherwise you'll drown in all the information. So, this is what I'd recommend:
Cell shading (like in anime, webtoons or comics)
Learn about color temperature and experiment with casual scribbling.
Study the relevant terms which you see in the circle (sometimes they have slightly different names though. "occlusion shadow" can also be referred to as "ambient occlusion")
Implement them one by one into your art/illustrations if you want. Maybe just add highlights at first, then maybe consider focusing on the terminator if you're interested.
Practice a lot and whenever you find something you like, use the color picker to see what happens to the colors. You don't have to copy it, but you can copy the changes within your color wheel and see what happens!
Like I said, it's an incredibly large subject, but I hope this can at least give you some direction ^^💕
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toomuchracket · 1 year ago
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I need to see that bitch (bday party matty) jealous. Maybe you’re at an event or something and you meet this editor guy you used to have a fling with and he sees how amicable the guy is being and just, let’s say, get handsy
Pretty pleaseeee 🫶
jealous bday party matty literally be still my beating heart. you don't wanna blindside him, so a little while before the event day itself you let your boyfriend know that a literary agent ex of yours is likely going too because one of his authors is nominated for an award - you also let him know that it wasn't a serious thing at all, short, amicable breakup because you didn't really feel anything for the guy past vaguely fancying and liking, and you haven't spoken to him in a year. matty nods along and stays chill on the surface, but internally he can't help seething a little bit; he never met this ex of yours (it really was a short relationship), but he remembers mutual friends gushing about how nice he is and how happy you were, remembers looking him up online one lonely drunken night and thinking how insipid he was and how wrong he was for you, remembers developing a short-lived loathing of the man simply because he was with you, the actual love of matty's life. but whatever. matty's the one you love, the one whose arms you fall asleep in, the one you know for a fact you're going to grow old with, and this guy is nothing and nobody. so you go to the event, and it's fine, it's good, it's lovely, until the ex (wearing a wedding ring, mind you) comes over and gives you a friendly hug hello and says "you look gorgeous, as ever! how are you?", and matty's vision literally tints green. through some grace of god, or whatever, he manages to remain cordial to the man in the less than five minutes you chat to him, forcing a smile when the guy says he's happy for you both and you're great together - as soon as he fucks off and you lead matty to the bar, your boyfriend's arms are hugging you from behind, and he's leaning down to press a less-than-chaste kiss to your neck while you wait for your french martinis. you smirk, turning your head to kiss matty quickly, giggling into him when he deepens the kiss and murmuring "matthew, people are going to talk if we keep this up", and he's like "so? i wanna kiss my girl"; unfortunately for him, the drinks arrive, and you have to take your seats for the event starting. thank christ you're not actually doing anything more than showing face as a former winner tonight, by the way, because you'd have a pretty hard time extracting matty's hand from your thigh under the table if you needed to move - over the course of the night, that hand makes its way further and further under your clothes, first your dress and then your thong, and following your subtle nod your boyfriend's fingers find their way to your clit and inside you, working deftly to bring you to an orgasm muffled by your hand and applause for whoever just one the prize of the night. the smirk doesn't leave his face (until you get home and sit on it) after that, and gets even wider when he, um, gives your ex a goodbye handshake, before turning to walk to the car with you snuggled into him and his other hand resting on your ass. yeah. that's a fun night, both the event and you proving to matty he's the only one for you when you get home by letting him cum inside you. hot <3
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ohwyrd · 1 year ago
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What did you think of the uni 2 arcade mode routes?
Hello I return after playing the uni 2 arcade mode routes.
take under cut
I hate them <3. World's most disappointing conclusion after a 4 year wait since the previous game and this isn't even just because there isn't a dedicated story mode . Ok now I will elaborate further.
Obviously I am not expecting a full story since they retired Chronicle mode entirely, and as a frame of reference I enjoy arcade mode story! I play kof games through arcade over and over to get story parts because I Like them and I enjoy seeing the perspective of different characters across the whole game. All this to say the story mode being put inside arcade mode is not the issue to me.
The part I hate is that the continuity in which every character starts is different and doesn't even clearly carry on from their route in the previous game or something, it's just a totally separate context given to you in their character blurb on the select screen. We don't even know where Kuon came from or what his grand plan was aside from comically "I going to destroy da universe with voids" there is no actual story aside from "Yeah we need a big boss villain character and the player character to go beat them to death for hero reasons". There isn't any actual reason for your mid-game fights, you just get a corny line of dialogue like "Oouuhgh I have to test you to see if you can fight Kuon for real" or "You're sooo stupid and I want to fight so bad we have beef now for no reason". It does not get any better and we do not get any actual motivations or character development from anyone, which I guess is a joke on me for maybe wanting any form of development in my silly visual novel fighting game characters.
Still, I spent a while trying to play through all of them so I could piece together the order of events to understand what happened in universe in Some way and I could not even make it through all of them because they read like shit, which brings me to my second point of
The translation is so ass. I don't know who they got to do the translation, but it reads like early Blazblue TLs with the characterization from crosstag. Which is fine in that game because everything is non canon and I don't care if they want to reduce the character to funny characteristic joke that sounds better in dub, but it sucks ass in a mainline story game where I'm actually trying to pay attention to what the character would have said according to the actual dialogue track, and I care way less about the "localization" or modernization of what they said. Months ago I was making a joke with @scharfkugel about the shitty TLs from crosstag and what it would be like if they were in uni 2 and it's genuinely funny how some of the lines have this exact vibe
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including the funniest receipt I have. Feels like we really put the last nail in the coffin for uni's story with this one
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Anyway.
I'm not making this post to rain on anybody's parade because I know the whole unib fanbase was waiting for very long for a new game without any expectations, I didn't have any until I paid triple A pricing in my region for this damn video game that didn't have functioning online on release and also did not give me a good singleplayer experience. If you enjoy the uni2 arcade modes, more power to you I'm glad you do but personally I can't believe the game released with these lol. legitimately reads like a joke
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onepiece-oc-archives · 1 year ago
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Long time manga reader here! I've been recently trying to create an oc/self insert after years of bullying myself for being cringe instead of just having fun
I'm struggling mainly with ideas for backstory/why would Luffy want her??
It's clear that everyone Luffy has asked to join so far has something unique about them (3 swords, slingshot sniper, amazing (and super sexy) cook, best navigator/cartographer, etc etc) with *redacted waifu* being the only one to sort of just be like hey I'm part of your crew now
Basically I'm just hoping you might have some sources to ideas about why Luffy might want a new crew member?
If it helps any, my oc has a logia honey fruit and she wants to explore the world to create an encyclopedia of all the animals she comes across, but that's all I got so far 😅
Hiya! Glad you found my little corner of the internet!
First of all: YES, make that oc/self insert! Having fun is what life is all about! If you're looking for support for your ideas, you've come to the right place.
If there's one thing I've learned about backstories, it's that they often just sort of develop on their own. You don't need to start out with a fully fledged backstory. Feel free to make it up as you go.
And as to why Luffy would want your OC: He wants her because he's Luffy and she's her. As long as you have one thing that's special about you, he's going to want your on your crew, and there's a whole lot of ways to be special. Note that I said special, not extraordinary. People are special just by being themselves. Take Sanji, for example. Luffy wanted Sanji because he was kind and because he had a dream. And because he was a great cook, but so were other cooks at Baratie. He wanted Sanji specifically because he was Sanji. Or let's look at Usopp. If we're being honest here, Usopp is literally just some guy. He's a dude with a slingshot who tells stories. That's it. He's not powerful or anything. But Luffy loves him!
In case of your OC specifically, you said she has a honey fuit and she wants to create an encyclopedia of animals and that that's it for now. Well, that's already two reasons why Luffy would love her! Luffy is very excitable, so devil fruits are a huge plus by themselves, but a honey fruit? Food?! Oh boy, Luffy will love her. Also, pretty colors, because honey is shimmery and golden. He would think the devil fruit is super cool and thus the person with the fruit is super cool. And regarding the animal encyclopedia: Luffy loves animals! Specifically beetles. Remember when Luffy found an atlas beetle? Remember how our favourite reindeer asked him what was cooler, the One Piece or the atlas beetle, and Luffy couldn't decide? That's a dream Luffy would 100% support and he would love to have your OC on his crew, simply because she could geek to him about all the animals that they find.
So, I hope this helped a little :)
Luffy would love your OC, and so do I, so I can't wait to see you develop her further!
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tenebraevesper · 2 years ago
Text
Five Nights at Freddy's: Salvaged, Night 3: Visit The Past
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''I wanna go back to when the screams were real, and beautiful terror is what I wanna feel, dripping over me like a long lost memory. I wanna go back to when the nights were red, mechanized agony and trouble in my head. It wasn't good, and I don't feel bad – those five nights were the best I've ever had!''
 – Go Back by MandoPony (Five Nights at Freddy's)
xXxXxXx
It was late at night when Sam and Springtrap finally returned to Sam's home. Springtrap noticed that it was rather secluded, the closest neighbours being away about a five minute walk. Further behind the house was a forest. While Sam was taking out her house keys, Springtrap finally decided to ask her something that had been bothering him for a while.
''What about your parents? Don't you think they would freak out when they see a robotic bunny in their house?''
''I think we can worry about that later,'' Sam said as she opened the door and turned the lights on in the hallway. ''My parents are divorced and I live with my mum.''
''Though luck, I guess,'' Springtrap muttered, feeling apprehensive.
''It's not that bad,'' Sam replied, locking the door behind him. ''They just figured out that their relationship won't work out, agreed to divorce and remained on good terms. Most divorces I heard about usually end up in a mess.''
''True…'' Springtrap frowned, only half-listening to Sam. He could still remember the distraught face of a woman who looked completely enraged and dejected.
''I can't stand this anymore, William!'' she yelled at him. ''You've been locking yourself in your workplace for weeks, barely coming home. Your work will destroy you!''
''I don't see any problem with this. This is what I do for living. Don't you understand what I'm doing for my family?''
''For your family, or for yourself?'' she asked in an accusing tone. ''Face it, you're being obsessed with those animatronics. Even Henry-''
''Leave Henry out of this!''
The woman recoiled when her husband suddenly shouted at her. She knew that there were moments when he would look at her and their children as if they were strangers to him. He never showed any aggressive behavior, but there was something in his gaze that scared her. However, she had no proof that there was a monster sleeping inside him, waiting to be unleashed.
''Sometimes, I just think you're not the man you're trying be,'' she said, shuddering. She winced as he walked past her. There was never physical violence between them and every fight they had ended in complete silence. He never really raised his voice, but whenever he spoke, he could see that she feared that he would lash out at her. This was not his intention. All he cared about was to go back to his workshop and work on the robots that became his new family.
Days later, he found an empty closet and a letter that told him how she didn't want to be with him anymore and that she wanted to divorce him. Surprisingly, when the topic of the custody over the children came up, it was decided that Elizabeth, Sammy and Michael would stay with their father. After that, he never heard of his wife again.
They should've stayed in her custody. Although, whether what happened could've been prevented, I don't know.
''Springtrap?''
He looked down Sam, who gave him a curious look.
''I just was remembering something,'' he replied. ''So, what do your parents do?''
''Mum owns a second-hand store. She tends to travel around, buy stuff, refurbish it and sell it. Her friend from high-school works in the store as well, watching over it when she is away. That also means that I'm often home alone,'' Sam said briskly. ''Dad works at a video game development company. He sometimes lets me beta test some of their games, as long as I keep my mouth shut and don't spoil anything.''
''I guess your mother isn't currently at home,'' Springtrap said as he looked around.
''I think she'll be back in a few days, and until then, I need to come up with a good excuse about why you're here, as I doubt that revealing your true identity will do us any good,'' Sam said. ''I have to warn you, though. She's scary good at finding out about stuff you'd rather keep a secret. Once she gives you that gaze, you'll start confessing to things you didn't even know about.''
She shuddered.
''I'll keep that in mind,'' Springtrap said, wondering whether Sam was exaggerating things.
''Anyways, you can have a look around,'' Sam said, going towards the stairs. ''I'll be back soon.''
As she sprinted upstairs, Springtrap took a peek at the living room, drawn to the photos on the wall. They showed him what appeared to be Sam when she was a little girl, as well as her parents, all smiling happily at the camera. Another photo showed an older Sam, blowing out the candles on her 7th birthday. Another one showed her caught while playing a game, laughing happily as she probably won against her father. A smaller one showed her hugging her mother in the park, with autumn leaves falling around them.
An empty feeling spread through Springtrap's chest as he looked away from the photos. He didn't understand why he felt like this. There was always that feeling of misery and grief, and no matter what he did, it would not go away. Even when he showed joy during a murder, it was only brief and it was soon replaced by the emptiness he usually felt. However, an attempt to make himself feel better was certainly no excuse nor justification for his actions.
''Hey, Springtrap!'' He lift his head, looking at Sam, now having changed into her PJs. ''Since it's late now, I figured we could talk about this in the morning. You can stay in the guest room for the night.'' He kept silent as he followed her upstairs, with Sam pointing at the doors. ''This is the guest room and the one next it is mine. The one down the corridor is Mum's bedroom and across it is the bathroom.''
Springtrap looked curiously at the poster on the door that led to Sam's room. It was an image of a white bunny who was lying in a basket, with the sentence ''Stay away – I'm sleeping''.
''Yeah, I might need to change that,'' Sam muttered and then opened the door to the guest room. It looked rather cozy, having a bed in the corner and a couch underneath the window. Across the bed was a small cabinet. ''Anyways, I'll see you in the morning then. Good night!''
''Good night,'' Springtrap replied, watching her as she left and hearing the door to her room close. He looked around the room, feeling that the situation wasn't that bad and it was surely better than being stuck in that office.
However, his current state came with a little problem – boredom. One of the things he had discovered when he got trapped inside the springlock suit was that he had no need to sleep, therefore leaving him with nothing to do during the night, unless you could count him pacing around in the sealed safe room as doing something. He didn't want to sneak around the house while Sam was asleep either, although he felt that it was strange that she was fine with having a serial killer stay at her home.
He sighed as he sat on the couch, recalling his conversation with Sam, wondering whether he really should've accepted her help. He knew that she was right when she said that he was broken. He knew that he also had to do something about those hallucinations he had, before they cause him to have a complete mental breakdown or make him do something he would regret.
He lied down on the couch, looking through the window at the night sky as he thought about Henry. He wondered what his old friend would think about his decision. Would he even accept the idea of William trying to atone for what he did? He knew that Henry considered him his friend, but after his stunt with the Missing Children Incident and their encounter at Fazbear's Fright, it became clear that Henry had given up all hope on William and all he wanted to do was to personally take him down.
''And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more, waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the Devil waiting, old friend.''
Springtrap frowned, remembering the fire and his futile attempts of escaping the maze. Even the fire at Fazbear's Fright wasn't as bad as this inferno.
''It's time to rest; for you, and for those you have carried into your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.''
''Apparently, it wasn't the end of communication,'' Springtrap muttered, his eyes flaring purple. ''The story isn't over yet, old friend.''
xXx
Sam rolled over in her bed, half-awake and eyes still closed as she attempted to continue to sleep. She was aware that it was morning, but she felt that it was way too early. Still, sleepy, she reached for her phone on the nightstand, only for her fingers to brush against something soft. She opened her eyes and screamed.
''Springtrap!''
She got up, having found herself staring back at Springtrap, who was crouching right next to her bed, looking eager.
''Are you awake?'' he asked nonchalantly.
''I usually sleep til 10 when I don't have school and it's…'' she reached for her smartphone, ''7 AM?'' She groaned, lying back on her bed. Springtrap stood up, still looking at her. ''How long have you been watching me?''
''Since sunrise,'' he replied. ''My soul is animating this animatronic suit, so there is no need for me to rest.''
Sam sighed.
''Okay, I'll be up soon. You can go ahead.''
Springtrap exited the room, but instead of going downstairs, he waited in front of the closed door. Minutes passed and Sam wasn't coming out, and there was also no sound coming from the room either. Wondering whether something happened, Springtrap slowly opened the door, peeking inside the room. He frowned when he saw that Sam was fast asleep.
Thinking about how to get her to wake up, his eyes flared purple. He walked over to Sam, who seemed to be blissfully unaware of what was going to happen next.
''SCREEEEAAAAAGHH!''
''Aaagh!'' Sam jumped out of her bed while covering her ears, now wide awake. She stared at Springtrap in disbelief, who was laughing.
''Are you awake now?'' he asked as he saw her expression. Sam sighed.
''Yeah, I am.''
xXx
A little while later, Sam, who had changed into her daily outfit, was sitting at the table in the kitchen, with a bowl of cereal in front of her. She switched between glancing at the notifications on her smartphone and glaring at Springtrap, who was sitting across her.
''You brought it upon yourself,'' Springtrap said. ''What else did you expect that would happen when you brought me here?''
''Okay, you got a point. However I really could've done without you screeching into my ears,'' Sam replied and yawned. ''Anyways, it would've been creepier if you were in that withered springlock suit.''
''I was, at least when I woke up,'' Springtrap said, glancing at his hand. ''Until the animatronic glitched out… or maybe I was hallucinating the whole thing.''
''I guess that, whatever brought you back here, seems to love messing with you,'' Sam said, with Springtrap looking annoyed. ''I guess that what matters is that you're back.''
''I always come back,'' Springtrap said, his eyes glowing in a soft purple. He sounded quite confident, although something did bother him. I always come back, but, at what cost?
''I can only imagine how frustrated those who know you feel,'' Sam said, as if reading his mind. ''I went to Fazbear's Fright once, several days before it got burned down.''
''Really? I thought that the place wasn't even supposed to be open until the week after,'' Springtrap said.
''Let's just say that I have a habit of exploring places I'm not supposed to be at. You saw me yesterday,'' Sam said, with Springtrap wanting to tell her that, technically, he was the one who dragged her inside Freddy's, but decided to keep silent. ''Anyways, I didn't get to go inside because the night guard chased me away.''
''I suppose that was a good thing. If you went inside, you would never come out,'' Springtrap said, his eyes flaring purple, looking menacing.
''I am aware of that,'' Sam said in a deadpan tone. ''I saw you there.''
Springtrap looked surprised. ''Really?''
''Yeah, but I didn't think much of it. Now that I'm more familiar with what happened, I'm glad I stayed away from that place,'' Sam said. ''Anyways, who even was the night guard during the week before the fire?''
''He-'' Springtrap wondered why she would ask him that, having a bad feeling about this. He vividly remembered what happened during the last night he spent at Fazbear's Fright. He managed to reach the office, looking through the glass window at the man he never thought he would see again. The flames had already engulfed half of the building, but at this point, he didn't feel anything except for the desire to confront the one who had been messing with him all those past nights. ''He was my old partner, Henry Emily.''
He saw Sam's eyes widening, as if she had already anticipated this answer. The expression she had was that of someone captivated by a story, wanting to know all the details. Springtrap wondered whether he even wanted to deal with that, only to remembered that he had already agreed to this.
''So, how did this whole thing with Freddy's started?'' Sam asked.
''I thought that you already knew about it,'' Springtrap replied.
''I don't know everything. I haven't lived through it like you did,'' Sam said, pouting. She stood up, putting the empty bowl into the dishwasher and leaned against it, looking back at Springtrap. ''Besides, I'm sure that you also have questions about what happened after you got incinerated. I mean, I did tell you what happened, but you'd probably want a more detailed description of it.''
''It wouldn't be a bad thing…''
''Hold that thought!'' Springtrap stared in surprise as Sam rushed upstairs, only to return with her laptop and beckon to him to follow her into the living room, where she placed her laptop on the coffee table and opened it, looking rather excited. Springtrap wondered whether she ever shared her theories with anyone else beside him as he walked over to her. He looked at her laptop as she found a website and showed it to him. It was quite colorful, with the logo of the website featuring a grey wolf holding a microphone.
''Ricky's Wonder Shack,'' he read as it dawned him. ''Is this some kind of restaurant similar to Freddy's?''
''Correct. They have already declared themselves as the rivals to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza,'' Sam said as she scrolled down the website and let Springtrap read.
''We are proud to introduce you to Ricky and the Misfits, our mascots who will guide you through Ricky's Wonder Shack, where fun and safety are guaranteed. Visit our prize corner and win gifts for yourself and your friends or simply enjoy a nice meal with your family. Our staff will make sure to provide your the best experience and our animatronics will give you the time of your life.''
''Here's the interesting part,'' Sam said as she opened another page and scrolled down. The page consisted of a bunch of house rules, guidelines and explanations. ''We are in no way affiliated with Fazbear Entertainment (or any other company) and will never be. Our animatronics are brand new and have no issues, nor have they ever shown any. We can ensure you that they are 100% safe, unlike some other company's mascots. If you have any complaint, it will be dealt with as soon as possible.''
''They really like to insult Fazbear Entertainment,'' Springtrap said. ''Have you been there?''
''Several times, especially after I found out they make awesome milkshakes for a reasonable price,'' Sam said.
''I somehow doubt that you're going there only because of their food,'' Springtrap said.
''Actually, the first time I went there was because of the animatronics,'' Sam replied, tilting her head. ''As much as I know, they're not haunted.'' She pointed at each of the mascots. ''They are Ricky, Dahlia, Quentin, Virgil and Max.''
She glanced at Springtrap, who seemed to be indifferent. She narrowed her eyes, pouting, with Springtrap giving her a confused look when she crossed her arms.
''What's wrong?'' he asked.
''It's just,… I thought you'd have something to say about this,'' Sam replied.
''I don't think Fazbear Entertainment is my problem anymore, nor this new restaurant,'' Springtrap replied.
''Maybe, but you and Henry created this whole franchise, didn't you?''
''That's true,'' Springtrap said in a quiet voice, recalling Henry's joy when they were done with their first animatronic. He still remembered the pride he felt when they accomplished something they were working on for months.
''So, how did this whole thing started out?'' Sam asked. ''As much as I understand, one of you was responsible for creating animatronics that brought joy to children, while the other is responsible for Freddy's dark past. Basically, two sides of one coin.''
''You know, I have never agreed to telling you anything,'' Springtrap replied, only to be taken aback when she gave him a hopeful look. ''Why are you looking at me like that?''
''I understand that you wouldn't talk about the past, especially since it still haunts you,'' Sam said.
''That's not what I meant,'' Springtrap replied, his eyes flaring purple.
''Then explain the hallucinations.''
''Only because I'm hallucinating things doesn't mean I need to tell you what happened,'' Springtrap replied.
''I think that the reason why you have hallucinations is because either you are afraid to accept the past or you don't want to confront it,'' Sam said.
''I am not a coward,'' Springtrap snapped.
''I do believe that,'' Sam said. ''Would a coward really let himself get killed on purpose by a springlock suit, facing his death while laughing like a madman?''
''I may not have known what exactly would've happened to me if I did let myself get killed, but I knew that my soul would be bound to the animatronic,'' Springtrap said, a smug grin on his expression. ''Let's be honest, death was a small price for what could be described as effective immortality.''
''In other words, you didn't run towards the suit because you were panicking when confronted by the spirits of the children you had killed and had accidentally triggered the springlocks,'' Sam said.
''No, I-'' Springtrap cut himself off when he saw Sam's sheepish grin.
''You know, getting you worked up about your past is a small prize for getting the answers to my questions,'' she said.
''You're really a manipulative smartass,'' Springtrap said, his eyes still glowing purple even though his rage subsided. ''First your antics at Freddy's, and now this.''
''To be honest, I don't want all of our conversations to be like this. It just feels stupid,'' Sam replied. ''Also, before you tell me again that I shouldn't be asking you anything if I already know everything, there is a difference between hearing it from you and just trying to figure it out from an already confusing video game.'' Springtrap wanted to say something, but Sam interrupted him, now all fired up. ''Besides, do you really care about my opinion of what you did? Are you afraid of me judging you? I'm pretty sure I have already stated my opinion on that matter. Also-''
''Sam, I'm getting your point,'' Springtrap interrupted her. He sighed. ''I brought it upon myself, didn't I?''
''Yeah, you did,'' Sam said rather bluntly. However, her expression softened.
''Fine, then answer me just one thing. Why do you even want to know everything about what happened? It is not like you'll be able to do anything that could change what I did or what happened in the past,'' Springtrap said. ''What does it mean to you?''
''Because I'm curious and because I want to understand what exactly happened and why it happened. It would also help me to better understand you as a person,'' Sam said, with Springtrap looking at her in surprise. ''Besides, you said that there's something you have started and that you need to finish. Don't you think that by digging in your own past, you might figure out what that was supposed to be?''
Springtrap had to admit that she had a point. However, what he didn't expect was that, despite everything she said and knew, she still wanted to get to know him better. He wanted to laugh it off, but for some reason, it made him feel at ease that someone showed genuine interest in his life without threatening to apprehend him for his crimes. Or maybe it was just because he felt lonely, since for a long time, his only conversation partners had been screaming robots, and now he had someone he could talk to without fearing that his soul would get torn apart.
''What do you want to know?'' he asked.
''Thank you,'' Sam said, noting Springtrap's surprised expression. ''There's a lot I'd like to ask you about. I mean, I already asked you about how this whole thing started. It was something about Fredbear's Family Diner, wasn't it?''
''Exactly. Henry came up with it, and we created two animatronic mascots for it, a bear and a bunny,'' Springtrap said. ''Fredbear and Bonnie, or rather, Spring Bonnie. It was a rather smile diner, but after a while, it got expanded, although I assume you already know that.''
''I know that later, Freddy Fazbear's Pizza came along, but I don't really know what happened in-between. I do know that you had your own company, Afton Robotics,'' Sam said, sitting on the other end of the couch with her legs crossed as she looked at Springtrap.
''How do you even-'' He shook his head. ''Forget it.''
''I think I'll later show you how exactly I got to all of that information,'' Sam said, looking curiously at him. ''Speaking of the mascots, there were multiple variations of Fredbear and Spring Bonnie, right?''
''Correct. At first there were just the animatronics and actual costumes, until someone came up with the bright idea to create a hybrid, a springlock suit,'' Springtrap explained.
''I assume that was your bright idea.''
''Actually, it wasn't. Henry was the one who started to build them, and I just helped along,'' Springtrap said, examining his hand and then clenching it into a fist. ''But that didn't mean I didn't use them, despite the fact that I knew how dangerous they could be.'' His eyes glowed in a soft purple when he noticed that Sam looked a little disturbed. ''You said you wanted details, didn't you? You see, if you trigger those spring locks, two things will happen: first the locks themselves will snap right into you, making deep cuts all over your body, and a split second later, all the animatronic parts, all that sharp steel and hard plastic will instantly be driven into your body. You will die, but it will be slow. You'll feel your organs punctured, the suit will grow wet with your blood, and you will know you’re dying for long, long minutes. You'll try to scream, but you will be unable to: your vocal cords will be severed, and your lungs will fill with your own blood until you drown in it.''
He observed Sam with delight as she shuddered, looking positively unnerved. However, delight turned into surprise when she gave him a look of pity.
''Sounds really awful, not to mention, you had a first-hand experience of what it felt like,'' Sam said.
''Actually, that wasn't my first time,'' Springtrap said. ''I accidentally ended up triggering it once before, but I managed to survive. However, I was left with scars all over my body.''
''And you still put on the suit…''
''Didn't we already establish that I had my own reasons for doing that?''
''It doesn't make it less horrifying,'' Sam replied. Springtrap had to admit that she had a point. He did wonder what would've happened if he hadn't known what would happen to him if he put the suit on and whether he would even do it. In the end, he came to the conclusion that he probably would do the same again.
Sam fell silent, leaning her head on her hands and staring into space as she, what Springtrap assumed, tried to come up with another question. He felt that, for someone so curious, she certainly was unprepared. Although, none of them expected this kind of outcome.
''You know, even though I kept annoying you about asking questions, and then there's the fact that you proved that you are dangerous and have no restraint,'' Sam muttered.
''Don't tell me that you don't want to be part of this anymore. You were the one who offered me help,'' Springtrap said, crossing his arms. Sam shook her head, confusing him. She sat up, looking at him straight in the eyes, making him feel a little unsettled.
''I do mean it,'' she said calmly. ''However, I think that, before I ask you anything else, I need to know something. Do you really want this? Are you okay with the idea of trying to even atone for what you did?'' She then stood up, grabbing her laptop and looking back at the stunned animatronic, who did not expect such question. ''Think a little about it, because I feel that none of us are currently comfortable with any of this.''
She then walked away, going upstairs into her room. Springtrap was surprised by her sudden change of attitude.
Do I really want this?
He was sent here to atone for what he did, right? However, at the same time, this didn't mean he needed to follow the suggestion. He had the freedom to do what he wanted, but he was aware that, if he decided to murder again, it would come with a heavy price that might destroy him completely. However, he knew that he wasn't the person who would seek redemption simply because someone told him he should. He was dangerous, he was manipulative and he didn't care about anyone or anything else but his own desires.
And Sam knew that. Springtrap was aware that her behavior was a mix of her wondering whether she could help him and her wondering whether he should be helped or incinerated again. She wanted to trust him, but she couldn't. After all, he was a murderer and he was a risk for her own safety. It was already baffling that she brought him to her place and offered him help. She gave him a choice and everything what would happen after that would be influenced by his decision.
However, what surprised him the most was that she actually did trust him to not make the same decision again. She hoped that he wouldn't take the same murderous path that sent him to Hell.
''You can still salvage what you have left.''
''Can I really do that?'' he muttered. To be honest, he didn't trust himself either. It would've been easier if he just murdered her right then and there and went somewhere else. Perhaps, that would be the right decision… There was no one to stop him. He could visit the past in his own way.
Suddenly, he saw red before his eyes. The suit was stained with, what at first looked like black ink, but he realized soon that it was blood. He looked around, startled to see flashing lights all over him. Looking down, he was on a stage, wearing a different suit, albeit it was still the Spring Bonnie mascot. He couldn't move at all. His arms were stiff, holding a microphone. He attempted to scream, to move, but nothing he did helped. It was like someone else controlled him.
Suddenly, he heard children's laughter. They were laughing at him, whispering how he was a pathetic excuse for a human and a complete monster who deserved all the pain he felt. They wanted to go for the overkill, not caring whether he had suffered enough. They didn't care whether he was even capable of redeeming himself. Nothing he did could earn him forgiveness. They knew that he had never felt sorry for what he did. He had laughed at their pain, didn't he? Therefore, he deserved even worse.
''Look at all the horrible things he had done!''
''Why would anyone think of bringing him back?''
''Why would anyone want to give him a second chance?!''
''He's broken! He'll never change!''
''Let's break him down further! Tear him apart!''
He fell on his knees, the microphone flying out of his hands. He saw something dripping down from his head and he touched his cheeks. Blood, like tears, formed in the corner of his eyes and was flowing down, staining the fur. Why am I crying?
''Murderer! Murderer!''
''You're so cruel!''
''Stay away from her!''
''Go back to Hell!''
''You're not getting a second chance! You will never get one!''
''We're not afraid of you!''
Their screams became louder, with Springtrap staring at the floor, agony rushing through his body. He was twitching, feeling as if he spring locks had come loose and all of the metal and plastic pieces were driven on to his body again and again.
Why am I feeling like this?
Despair overwhelmed him. It was a vicious cycle, one he had attempted to escape. But his actions would come back to haunt him, and every time it would become even worse. The children were gone, but he could still hear them. He could hear their screams, their crying and their derisive laughter as they mocked and taunted him. There was nothing he could do.
I will never change.
Blood dripped on the floor. He couldn't even cry real tears.
This is my punishment.
He looked up, dazed by the flashing lights and incoherent screaming. The people he saw had no faces, but were just unrecognizable shadows.
If I decide to murder again…
The microphone on the ground vanished, replaced by a blood-stained knife. He grabbed it, still feeling dizzy. The shadows gathered around a pool of blood, looking at another one of his victims. Springtrap's vision cleared and he saw the body of the only person who gave him another chance.
I have nothing left…
''No…''
The screams and accusations became louder and incomprehensible, but he knew that they all were saying the same. They were calling him a monster, someone beyond salvation…
''Shut up!'' he screamed at them, throwing the knife away. ''I didn't kill her!''
''That's what you wanted, didn't you?''
Among all the screaming, there was a calm voice speaking to him. He lowered his head, shaking in fear and agony. This was worse than Hell. What happened there was just someone's sick desire to punish him, but this was reality. This was possible and it would happen eventually.
''You don't deserve pity, yet you found one person who decided to trust you. You somehow found someone who felt sorry for you, despite knowing what you did. And you KILLED HER!''
''I didn't! This is just another hallucination!''
He felt a chilling feeling spreading through his chest when the voice started to laugh at him in a disdainful tone.
''Do you really believe that? You don't trust yourself either.''
''Please…''
''You wanted to repeat the past. You're now the main attraction. Do what you want, but even if you try to atone, you won't find peace. We won't let you find any peace.''
Springtrap's eyes suddenly flared purple as he gathered the strength to confront the voice.
''I don't care if I don't find peace. I know that I never will. I won't lie to myself either that I could ever earn forgiveness.'' His own voice was shaky, but he managed to remain focused. ''However, I am not going to let someone tell me what I will do and what I won't! I make my own decisions!''
''Even if this means that the people around you will suffer?''
''I won't let that happen.''
The other person snorted.
''We'll see about that. It's only a matter of time until you start killing again.''
The voice grew distant, laughing at him. Everything had vanished, leaving Springtrap in the darkness. His closed his eyes, shaking and feeling torn.
''What should I do?''
xXx
When he opened his eyes, he found himself lying on the floor. It was getting dark outside, causing him to wonder how long he had been unconscious. The clock on the wall told him that hours had passed and that it was already late afternoon. He sat up, noticing a blanket falling off his back. He looked at it in surprise.
Sam…
He looked around, wondering where she was. While she had been concerned enough to check on him, she didn't want to risk being in the same room as him. He understood that.
After folding the blanket and placing it on the couch, he went upstairs, assuming Sam was in her room. He knocked on the door, waiting for a response.
''What's your answer?''
At first, Springtrap felt confused, but then he lowered his head. He didn't have any.
''I don't know,'' he said, feeling how that was a pathetic response. To his surprise, the door did open, with Sam emerging out of her room. She held up her hand as if attempting to high-five him.
''Five nights,'' she told the confused animatronic. ''I'll give you five nights to make up your mind, starting with today. Whatever happens after that will depend on what you do during the time you're given.''
''I understand.'' Springtrap nodded, and added in a quiet tone, ''Thank you.''
She returned back to her room, with Springtrap lingering outside. He wasn't sure whether he was even allowed to enter her room and he didn't want her to think of him as an intruder, despite the fact that he was one. However, despite being insecure and doubtful about what he would do next, he made one firm decision.
He wanted to work on earning Sam's trust and prove himself that he was not a danger to her (although he couldn't say the same for the rest of society). It wasn't much, but that was the decision he made for tonight. However, whether he could keep the promise he made to himself until the end of the time period he had been given, he wasn't sure.
''Don't worry, you can come inside,'' she said, giving him a nonchalant look. A little startled, Springtrap nodded, entering her room and looking around curiously. It looked rather normal, with a closet, a bed, posters on the walls and books on shelves above the desk Sam was sitting at. He noticed that she also had a collection of video games and plushies, as well as a gaming console tucked neatly in the corner of a lower shelf. There was also a purple bean bag underneath the window.
''So, what are you doing?'' he asked her, trying to remain calm and not show just how insecure he felt.
''Playing Five Nights at Freddy's,'' she replied, only to wince when there was a loud scream and the GAME OVER screen showing her the night guard being stuffed in a Freddy suit in the parts and service room. ''Well, damnit.''
''That's the video game you were talking about,'' Springtrap said as Sam returned back to the main menu screen, being greeted by a twitching and glitched out Freddy Fazbear. He didn't expect to be met with this animatronic's mugshot ever again.
''Yep,'' Sam said, starting the night.
''Hello, hello? Hey! Hey, wow, day 4. I knew you could do it. Uh, hey, listen, I may not be around to send you a message tomorrow. *banging sound* It's-It's been a bad night here for me. Um, I-I'm kinda glad that I recorded my messages for you *clears throat* uh, when I did.''
Springtrap observed Sam curiously as she switched cameras between Freddy and Foxy, then turned to the hallways to check for Bonnie and Chica, all the while listening to whoever was talking on the phone.
''Uh, hey, do me a favor. *bang bang* Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? *bang bang* I'm gonna to try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won't be so bad. *bang bang* Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads back there. *chime plays*. You know...*moan* oh, no - *noises followed by an animatronic screech and static*''
''To be honest, this isn't not what I actually expected  when you told me that there were video games based on what happened,'' Springtrap said. He did recognize the restaurant as the one from the 90s, seemingly the last official location, at least until Fazbear's Fright came along. It was also the location he managed to get himself trapped in, although none of the cameras showed the hidden safe room.
''This is just the first game, so there's a lot more to explore,'' Sam said as she stopped Foxy from charging into the office. ''It is also the most basic.''
''Care to explain?''
''SCREEEEEEEEEEE!''
Sam groaned when she got killed by Freddy again, then turned to Springtrap, giving a smile that made him feel rather unnerved.
''I guess I should,'' she said, closing the game and opening a file with numerous documents, all, while being different, having the word FNaF written somewhere. ''It's actually really easy and straightforward, although it doesn't give you much answers and it opens several new ones, which can be answered if you connect it to the other games.''
She scrolled down the file, which featured transcripts of the phone calls.
''You play as a night guard named Mike Schmidt, who decided to take the job at Freddy's sometime in 1992 or 1993. The only reason I knew about the year was because of the minimum wage that is written on your check when you complete the nights. In any case, Mike gets calls from this person I call Phone Guy, who tells him about the company policy, like 'Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced','' she read one of the transcripts.
''That does sound like them,'' Springtrap commented.
''Anyways, Phone Guy also tells you how to deal with the animatronics. Sure, you have doors and cameras, but you also have limited power during every night and the animatronics become only more aggressive. According to Phone Guy, the reason why they are after you is because they think you're an endoskeleton and therefore, you need to be stuffed in a suit. Also, Fazbear Entertainment doesn't tell anyone who signs up for this mess what's going on,'' Sam explained. ''Also, there was something about the Bite of '87, when the animatronics were still allowed to roam around and someone lost their frontal lobe because of them, but I that's for the second and fourth game. Speaking of Phone Guy, you heard that call when was playing Night 4. He died at the hands of the animatronics during that night, meaning all of the calls were indeed pre-recorded, but hadn't been deleted by the company.''
''I understand. Is that all?'' Springtrap asked, with Sam shaking her head.
''You see, there are the animatronics: Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie, Chica and Foxy, but they're not alone. There is also a yellow version of Freddy who can teleport into the office – Golden Freddy – showing that there's a lot more to it than just malfunctioning animatronics. I'm getting ahead of myself, but I know there is the withered Spring Bonnie suit hidden off camera inside the safe room. Then, there's the Puppet, or Marionette, who is also present in the restaurant, but hidden,'' Sam added, noticing how Springtrap's eyes started to glow purple. ''You knew?''
''Only after I found myself cornered in the safe room,'' he replied, glancing away. He could still see them, black streaks on their cheeks, as they watched him die in the most excruciating way possible. Sam gave him a curious look and, after a moment of silence, decided to continue.
''This is what clued me in,'' she said as she scrolled down further and shuffling away. ''You can read it yourself.''
Springtrap moved closer, reading the transcripts of the newspaper articles Sam had found in the game.
''Kids vanish at local pizzaria – bodies not found. Two local children were reportedly lured into a back room during the late hours of operation at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza on the night of June 26th. While video surveliance identified the man responsible and led to his capture the following morning, the children themselves were never found and are presumed dead. Police think that the suspect dressed as a company mascot to earn the children's trust.''
''Five children now reported missing. Suspect convicted. Five children are now linked to the incident at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, where a man dressed as a cartoon mascot lured then into a back room. While the suspect has been charged, the bodies themselves were never found. Freddy Fazbear's Pizza has been fighting an uphill battle ever since to convince families to return to the pizzaria. 'It's a tragedy'.''
''Local pizzaria threatened with shutdown over sanitation. Local pizzaria, Freddy-Fazbear's Pizza has been threatened again with shutdown by the health department over reports of foul odor coming from the much-loved animal mascots.Police were contacted when parents reportedly noticed what appeared to be blood and mucus around the eyes and mouths of the mascots. One parent alikened them to 'reanimated carcasses'.''
''Local pizzaria said to close by years end. After a long struggle to stay in business after the tragedy that took place there many years ago, Freddy Fazbear's Pizza has announced that it will close by year's end.Despite a year-long search for a buyer, companies seem unwilling to be associated with the company.'These characters will live on. In the hears of kids – these characters will live on.' – CEO''
''I still can't believe that this really happened more than 30-40 years ago and that the person who is responsible for it is standing right next to me,'' Sam said, glaring at Springtrap. ''This is no laughing matter. Don't you have to say anything about it?''
He lowered his head, remembering being questioned about the Missing Children Incident. However, they couldn't prove anything. The bodies have never been found and nobody would believe that that the souls could possess the animatronics.
''I was the one who killed them,'' he admitted, sounding crestfallen. ''Nobody, aside from me, knew what happened.''
''Did they suffer?''
He looked at her, with Sam's expression being a mix of worry and animosity. He knew that she wanted him to be honest, no matter how bad the truth was.
''I-'' He shook his head. ''They died quickly, although it was bloody. However, most of the suffering came from being trapped inside the animatronics and unable to move on.''
''That and wanting to get revenge on you,'' Sam said. ''That's why they went after the night guards. They knew you would eventually return.''
Springtrap sat on Sam's bed, not really knowing what to make of the situation anymore. While Sam had already made it clear what she thought about him, he felt that this was making the situation only worse.
''Hey, Springtrap…'' He looked up at her. ''How about going back to Freddy's tonight?''
''Why?'' He looked at her confused. She didn't seem to be really angry at him, although her being calm wasn't better either.
''To search for answers. You were brought there, so maybe you should've examined the place,'' Sam said.
''That location is empty,'' Springtrap replied.
''Really? Have you even explored the place before you decided to kidnap me?'' Sam asked.
''Not exactly,'' he said sheepishly. Sam gave him a knowing look, a smile on her expression.
''At least we know what we're going to do tonight,'' she said. Springtrap sighed, not really liking where this was going.
xXx
A flashlight illuminated the ground of the building, bobbing as the man looked around. His steps were steady and focused as he examined every room, making sure nobody was inside after hours. Soon, he too would retire for the rest of the night.
One of the rooms he visited was in the back of the building, looking more like a storage closet filled with coats. However, those were actually costumes placed on the hangers. Just as he was about to close the room, he noticed movement in the corner of his eye.
''Hello? Anybody there?'' he called out in a gruff voice. ''You aren't supposed to be here.''
He entered the room, flashing the light at the costumes, but he didn't see anyone. However, he was certain that something had moved. He walked over to the costumes, pointing his flashlight at them. One of the costumes was hanging askew, as if it was just thrown inside. He assumed that this is what drew his attention and decided to leave.
However, before he could do that, the costume suddenly lunged at him, and he felt a sharp pain spreading through his chest. Whoever wore the mascot suit plunged a knife deep into his chest. He tried to scream, but the mascot put its paw over his mouth, gently lowering him down as he choked in his own blood. Seconds later, he was dead. The mascot stared at the man with its bloodshot eyes, then put a finger on its lips.
''Shhhhhhhh…''
Links:
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#Five Nights at Freddy's: The Untold Story (Masterlist)
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trannyradfem · 1 month ago
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Hi. I'm literally transmasc myself. I'm what it says on the tin, and I'm part of a very large group of trans radfems. I'm on HRT, and have chosen transition, because I had dire circumstances, and I genuinely don't think radical feminism and transitioning need to be mutually exclusive in the presence of genuine, intractable dysphoria. My stance is that we have such bad problem with not gatekeeping and defining dysphoria that it's leading to a lot of really bad consequences within the trans identifying populous, and trans people and all of the people we impact deserve better than that.
Furthermore, I fully support bodily autonomy. As a licensed medical professional, even if a patient declines vital treatment, they have the right to do that so long as they're 1.) Aware of the risks and benefits, 2.) Their judgement and insight are intact, meaning that they're not making this decision under the influence of drugs, for example, and 3.) They are not an imminent danger to themselves or others. My license does not allow me to otherwise force treatment. Thusly, if my duty as licensed medical professional can't even bypass that, then what could possibly justify that? I don't think it's right to. If that's the limit for medical staff even when it's a matter of life and death, I don't see why any other reason should be able to go further than that.
I also don't think it's inherently misogynistic to want to develop (or intensify already existing) secondary male characteristics. I think it's intensely interesting that we can even develop those traits without a Y chromosome, and to me that shows that this isn't as unnatural as a lot of people want to make it out to be. My experiences as a potentially intersex person who had a severely stunted and delayed puberty, who eventually developed PCOS and thus some of those male physical traits before ever transitioning, are central in this.
And I also think it's genuinely deeply misogynistic to act like the secondary male sex traits don't ever naturally develop in us, or to assign a value to them like "mutilated", "ugly", or "wrong".
I, myself, don't plan to go further than low dose HRT, my name change without changing my sex ID, and, possibly top surgery, but only if I can get into better health state.
I am already on HRT and it's genuinely one of the best decisions I've ever made. My overall health drastically improved. My name was finally changed 2 years ago after going by that name for the past 9ish years. I waited until I was 23 to start HRT, and even though it killed me to know I could've prevented the development of more intensely female reading traits, I originally wanted to wait until I was 26-- after I hit some major neurological developmental milestones. Living in severe abuse as someone who's severely disabled even outside of severe dysphoria heavily impacted this.
So, yes, in the spaces I'm in, we do actually have these conversations. Pretty frequently, actually. The reason I have my opinions so hammered out is because of that. Trans people have the right-- if not the obligation-- to criticize their own movements and communities when they see that something is wrong. Acting like criticism is inherently hateful just screws trans people over because it means you're refusing to offer/ support a community that improves and changes with time as needed.
Nobody is saying this isn't self aware, although based on the content I sincerely wouldn't blame anyone for thinking that self awareness could be a needed area of improvement for OP if this is representative of their thought content.
You can acknowledge that this is mental illness, but you can't acknowledge how some of these sentiments from OP are genuinely harmful, and more likely to hurt trans people in the long run?
The sentiments are genuinely grandiose. They could be triggering for some. They definitely are for me. It quite literally tells you to wound yourself. It commands you to mutilate yourself. I shouldn't have to explain why that's not good.
Calling ourselves deformities also isn't healthy, it just makes you mentally disassociate from your body more. Ideally, transition is to make you feel more at home and actually present in your body. Calling your own transition "mutilation" and not being detrans indicates some serious self hate or self harm, and we should not be condoning or spreading that.
And sometimes, when there's a part of you people find unpleasant, it's really not because you're trans. Sometimes, people who can see outside of your perspective can give you insight you would otherwise lack acquity on, and that sort of collaboration is absolutely vital for a healthy and stable community that has an emphasis on support like the LGBT+ community is supposed to. A huge amount of trans people are genuinely reactive and cause a lot of harm, even within the community itself; I could write an entire essay on how the types of trauma we go thru lead to a lot of these behaviors, and common pitfalls that we tend to have. Obviously, interpersonally we are still fully responsible for those behaviors no matter how severe our trauma is.
But, unfortunately, instead of recognizing not so good behaviors for what they are, I often see it justified. We often aren't teaching trans people on how to cope and thrive in healthy ways, or how to self improve. And I feel that's why we see so much content like this. It is genuinely mentally ill, and it's toxic to just rot in it like it's your right to. Not you personally, I use general "you" a lot, to clarify.
A lot of times the trans community ends up isolating really vulnerable people who need all the support they can get, even if it's not perfectly free of trans microaggressions. I used to see a lot of messages like, "it gets better", "your sexuality is natural and you don't need to justify it", "don't publically come out until it's absolutely safe, safety first", "your parents may need time to understand, here are the red flags of genuine abuse and here are signs that they are instead actually coming around", "here's how to protect yourself", and "there is hope" from my LGBT elders. And I think it's sad and horrifyingly depressing that we really don't see that a lot anymore, and instead spend far more time preemptively defining any perceived enemies, regardless of their actual intents. It's hyperalertness in a deeply mentally ill way, and the right thing to do is to teach each other resilience and how to live after trauma while still very much so safely existing in a relatively dangerous world. Not to reinforce and validate the hypervigilance by always punching back, even when it screws ourselves over.
That's probably why you can't have a conversation with us. It has nothing to do with our civility, and everything to do with criticism feeling like it's the end of the world being pushed as the average and expected trans experience. Because the trans community doesn't teach each other how to process criticism, cope, be resilient, or bounce back from trauma. It teaches rotting in it, and that's a disservice to everyone in the rainbow.
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MUTILATE UNTIL IT’S YOURS
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kudosmyhero · 5 months ago
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (vol. 1) #52: City at War, part 3
Read Date: November 25, 2023 Cover Date: January 1994 ● Writer: Kevin Eastman ◦ Peter Laird ◦ Jim Lawson ● Pencils: Jim Lawson ● Inks: Keith Aiken ● Letterer: Mary Kelleher ●
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**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers (👏=didn't like it, 👏👏=it was ok, 👏👏👏=I liked it, 👏👏👏👏=I really liked it!, 👏👏👏👏👏=I loved it!)
Reactions As I Read: ● “The Feet” lol
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● 👏👏👏
Synopsis: Casey wakes up in Gabby's trailer, too injured to eat. Gabrielle tells Jones that he can stay there and rest up if he wants to, and Casey says that he might. Jones then dials the local police to report the incident, but when the operator answers he just hangs up. He grabs a drink and heads outside to take a walk.
April is reading about the Foot violence in the New York Times. The story sparks her memories of the Foot burning down her antique store. Robyn interrupts her sister's thoughts and the two head out to do some shopping.
Gabby gets an hour off so she heads home and is surprised to find Casey still there. Jones has cleaned up the trailer and made lunch that they share.
Master Splinter is in the woods of Northampton, Massachusetts, attempting to meditate, but something is on his mind and he cannot concentrate.
Casey and Gabby are talking about the family that Jones left behind in New York.
"You miss your family, huh Casey?" Gabby asks.
"Yeah, I guess…" Casey mumbles, "Yeah…"
Gabrielle takes Casey's hand and tells him, "I just want you to know… when you're ready… if you're ready… to tell me… I'll be here. Until then… I'd like you to stay."
With that out in the open, Gabby kisses Casey.
In New York City, an Asian businessman is riding on a bus. He opens his briefcase and connects a cordless phone to his laptop computer, using it to hack into the power company's computers. He flags an account as seven months overdue. The power company discovers this odd glitch and wonders how it got past them for so long without anyone noticing, but rather than investigate further, they simply shut off the electricity in a building - one that the Foot Soldiers are using as a headquarters.
In Tokyo, Japan we see a conference with numerous business people gathered around a table. A man notes that their software has almost completed beta test phase and that it is a pity that they allowed the New York factions to go to war for so long. A woman notes that it was to their advantage to wait.
"In chaos there is weakness." she states.
Back in New York City, the Turtles prevent a woman from being mugged by three men. Raphael is tired of being a street vigilante and wants to find the Foot.
We see the old man in the hospital, sitting up for the first time with assistance from his nurse.
Leonardo tells Raphael that they just need to wait, and that in time their path will be revealed.
"Could ya keep the Zen crap to yourself for now, Leo?" Raph sneers, "We don't all have your freakin' Buddha nature, ya know… some of us actually enjoy linear thought! Like me… if I can't figure out whose butt I'm supposed to kick soon, I'm just gonna - -"
With that, Raph sees a strange robot emerging from out of a van driven by Foot Soldiers.
"--bust--" Raphael concludes, "Oboy. ALL RIGHT!"
The robot starts destroying a nearby bus, the one that contains the businessman who had earlier hacked into the power company's computers. The Turtles attack the robot and an army of Foot Soldiers appear from nowhere. Chaos ensues. Raph manages to destroy the robot, and the guys regroup, only to find themselves surrounded by Foot Soldiers and two more robots.
"What a revoltin' development this is." Raph notes as the Foot close in.
Well, look at it this way, Raph," Mike states, "It can't get much worse!"
In the final panel we see one of Shredder's Elite poised on top of a building.
(https://turtlepedia.fandom.com/wiki/City_at_War,_part_3_of_13)
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Fan Art: TMNT by kcspaghetti
Accompanying Podcast: ● Shellheads - episode 34
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just---keep---simming · 1 year ago
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Zest - Summer 2
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Welcome back to Del Sol Valley, where we join Johnny and Peaches Zest for their second summer. And just who is that strapping young man in between them? Why, it's Peaches' son and Johnny's stepson Axel, of course!
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He actually had something important to talk to Johnny and Peaches about.
"So, I guess I'd really like to live here full-time? I love Dad, of course, but I'm tired of shipping back and forth between two homes, and Willow Creek is much further away from my new school." "Of course you're welcome to live here, Axel. Is John okay with it?" "He knows I'm asking and he understands. I'll make sure I still visit with him regularly." Peaches was delighted, of course. "Well, you're old enough to choose for yourself now. We'll get a new room set up for you right away!"
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There was a downstairs front room that Johnny and Peaches hadn't yet furnished, so this naturally became a charming teenage retreat for Axel. His old, smaller room will remain as-is, ready for Hendrix to move into once he's old enough. And just like that, the Zest household officially becomes a family of four.
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As for Hendrix, he continues to make progress through the last period of infancy, locking in a few more milestones and trying loads of new foods.
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Before Peaches and Johnny know it, it's time to celebrate his birthday.
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So now there's a toddler in the house! Hendrix is a cutie, with his shaggy blond hair and green eyes - a mini-me of Johnny if ever I saw one, at least at this age.
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I must admit though, Axel takes centre-stage for most of this update. He's the first Townie's teenager, even if he's technically not the first one actually born into the file, given he was a toddler when Johnny first met Peaches.
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He doesn't look too excited to be heading off to his first day at high school, though! Like a lot of the other rotational players I read, I've decided to follow the teens to school 2-3 times each season. Of course, along we go for Axel's first day.
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Axel was a diligent student at grade school, and while I get the sense he might not be quite as focused now, he still seems to enjoy his first class well enough.
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It's nice for him to meet some other teens during the lunch break.
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He also rolls a want to play with a football, so he hits up obvious jock Sidney and thoroughly enjoys a throwing session. Given he seemed to find it fun, I had him sign up for the football team. All in all, it's a good day at school, and was very fun to play.
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At home, Peaches has had her shift at the retail store, and on returning home invited Eliza Pancakes around to watch a movie and talk about their kids. Eliza's daughter Adrienne is very good friends with Axel, although she's now younger than him - she will have her teen birthday in the autumn, so we won't see any of her this season.
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Then, Peaches and Johnny show how much they're enjoying having Axel living with them via a family roast dinner. Of course, they are Sims so they can't possibly be normal, and all sit on one side of the table like they're an interview panel, but it's still really nice. I can't wait until Hendrix is old enough to join them.
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For now, though, he's more at the flashcards stage than the roast dinner stage. Peep the almost completely undecorated upper landing - I'm decorating as I go for these guys, and very much enjoying Johnny's big pay checks, although he only gets a few per season.
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At least once per season Angela drops around and gives Johnny a gift. While he's always been much closer with her twin, Lilith, Angela seems determined to continue deepening their friendship as well. After her experience with Lou turning her ex, Joaquin, into a werewolf, perhaps she wants to take precautions against Lilith turning Johnny into a vampire!
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Back at school with Axel as the summer wears on, he meets Marion Sparacinco. I must have added this family from the gallery at some point, God only knows why, but Marion is both very pretty and very mean. Axel immediately develops what is sure to be a heart-breaking crush on her.
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Will dressing for football and showing her memes win her heart? Probably not, Axel, but you do your best.
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Sure enough, Marion rejects his request to go to prom together. At least the pining was short-lived!
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Axel cheers himself up in the afternoon with some better company - his friend Molly. While there is no romantic interest there on either side, she's good fun to catch a scary movie with.
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Then, the teens enjoy a pre-prom social gathering at someone's house. Axel and Marion both attend, but both seem intent on being civil and enjoying their evening despite any hurt feelings.
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Jeb attends the prom still wearing his bag.
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Axel ends up having a really nice time, and Luna Villareal and Gemma Charm are awarded Prom Queen and Prom Jester, respectively.
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Finally, to round out the summer, Axel does as promised and spends some time with his Dad, John Wood. They head out to the beach together, where John is thrilled to be invited into the Dad/Son tradition of football tossing.
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A spot of snorkling together in the clear water of Sulani yields a flipper to the face for Axel, but at least they see some dolphins.
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Then Axel catches up on some homework while John grills dinner. It's a really nice father and son outing for the two of them - Axel will make an effort to do this every season of his adolescence now that he doesn't live with his Dad any more.
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Back home, Peaches rounds out the summer with yoga amidst the toddler toys now scattered through the yard.
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And that brings us to the end of this summer for the Zests! Hendrix is now a bouncy, curious toddler, Axel a football-loving teen, and Johnny and Peaches are thoroughly enjoying family life in the valley. Love that for them!
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