#change can only happen when you're fully committed to the cause

[aspacestorm]

the way we talk about asexuality needs to change

specifically how certain experiences are treated as exclusive to asexuals, existing completely separate from "normal" society. doing this only further isolates us and people in the gray area

we should be talking about every attraction as spectrum of experiences that include everyone. not two distinctly incomparable states of being with no overlap. there is in fact a lot of overlap.

[blackpilljesus]

I saw this from the female separatism subreddit & the responses are some of the biggest reasons for separatism et al (or extinction if I'm being candid here). Moids cant be reformed they are fully aware of the hell they force women to live in. MaIe achievement & happiness is rooted in female exploitation & life. Their glory days are based on our horrific days. No amount of love, kindness or facts will change maIes and we cannot happily or even neutrally coexist with them.

Main points across answers:

Many want to experiment but not permanently be women

They dont want to be in constant danger or lose their autonomy at the hands of maIes for merely existing

They dont want to deal with childbirth (& periods)

They dont want to have to share spaces with species much stronger than them with ulterior motives

It makes me go crazy seeing people give moids benefit of doubt for their evil like "maIes just dont understand", "we need to teach maIes", or claiming that maIe violence is a result of maIes struggling with (expressing) their feelings. I get that women love maIes and it can be hard to imagine that people can intentionally be so evil but it is what it is. MaIes have no problems expressing themselves, abusing women is what maIes choose to do because they enjoy & benefit from it - that is their expression.

MaIes see the same news of women being abused, raped, and killed like we do except rather than be disheartened or alarmed they're either apathetic or satisfied. It isn't aliens that's committing GBV it's maIes & maIes have no problem reminding women of this when women anger them (such as rape threats & threatening women they'll end up on the news/true crime). The victim blaming, denial, and derailment of misogyny is part of the game to keep the system alive, they know the events occured & are a systemic occurence they just dont care. Hell not only do they not care, they rejoice in it or get off on it.

MaIes set up environments that work in their favour which simultaneously ensures that women will lose. They know women are set up to live in damn near impossible conditions for us. It's normalised for women to defenselessly share personal & private spaces with beings much more stronger than them with ulterior motives for us, it's trap. It's interesting how these moids aren't saying that they'll just cover up and *poof* harrassment gone, or they'll just pick a nice guy & they'll be okay. MaIes know the net negative they are towards women.

MaIes know that childbirth is a painful process & what do they do? Demand it happens and make it even MORE painful for women. MaIes that impregnate women do not love or care for them. Pregnancy itself is dangerous & sometimes lethal, often comes with a range of health issues, to cause someone to be in that condition especially in a environment where abortions are illegal is reckless & unloving. Now imagine how sinister & full of hatred one has to be to impregnate someone and abuse them on top of that. Many women risk their health & lives to reproduce with a Y and they get abused by said Y instead of being taken care of. Deranged.

Realising that maIes are aware of the evil they inflict is one of the things that radicalised me. It isn't a miscommunication or ignorance issue, their violence is intended. They want control. The cruelty is the point. Instead of wasting time & energy trying to change maIes or hope that they "understand" one day, focus on yourself & other women (who prioritise women). Moids aren't oblivious to female pain they enjoy it. A lot of women treat maIe evil like it's a mistake on maIes part but it's calculated terrorism. I know that this will go over many womens heads as they refuse to hold strong negative sentiments about moids as a collective so if you're not a woman like that, take this post as a sanity check. You aren't crazy, it isn't all in your head.

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

Some Desperate Glory

Earth has been destroyed and 14 billion humans are dead with it. A handful of courageous survivors hide from the aliens who killed the earth and strike back as much as they can. Kyr (short for Valkyrie) has been raised since birth to avenge the earth and she fully intends to do so. Given the title and marketing around this book I don't think it's a spoiler to say that the human survivors aren't as heroic as they portray themselves; I will try and be relatively circumspect about the actual plot but if you're planning to read it and sensitive to spoilers you may want to skip this post.

It's Emily Tesh's debut novel though her novella Silver in the Wood was critically acclaimed and won her some major awards. And what a debut it is! I enjoyed Silver in the Wood but never picked up the sequel, this has done much more to pique my interest in what she will write going forward.

Gaea Station

The book begins on Gaea station where Kyr is shortly going to come of age and receive her assignment in the war this remnant of humanity is waging. It will be clear to the reader practically immediately that Kyr has been indoctrinated. The story is told from her POV not to set up a shocking twist that Gaea Station is evil but to explore the psychology of a teenager who has been indoctrinated from birth by a fascist cult. In the acknowledgements Tesh lists a series of books on cults and fascism that she read while writing the novel and the influence of them on the book is clear.

This is where the books excels. Kyr buys into the ideology of Gaea Station with fervour and is fully dedicated to the cause it fights for. It's an entirely convincing portrayal not just in terms of her beliefs but her emotions and even what she subconsciously avoids thinking about. The beginning of the books where the reader is immersed in her perspective is a fascinating perspective of someone who has been indoctrinated to the point that they don't examine the worldview that has been imposed at all.

If this aspect of the book has any flaw it's that Kyr's indoctrination is in large part the result of manipulation and abuse by the man who runs the station. The vast people majority of people in a fascist regime or even a member of a cult that has attained any great size is unlikely to receive such personal attention from the leader and it's one point that lacked verisimilitude.

Along with Kyr Gaea Station is where we're first introduced to the majority of the significant characters. Kyr leads The Sparrows a group of teenage girls training to join the war once they reach adulthood. Kyr is a cruel taskmaster to The Sparrows to put it mildly. Kyr's brother Magnus is interesting in his own rights and even more so when viewed in contrast to Kyr and their relationship while rarely the central focus is compelling. Commander Jole the leader of the station is seen for the first time but it's only later we'll get a in depth sense of him. Magnus's friend Avi is perhaps the most significant character introduced here and is often terrible in a way that feels similar yet distinct to Kyr.

Crucially, Tesh is willing to let Kyr be horrible. Some of the other characters are just powerless and trying to survive but Kyr treats both people she's close to and everyone else terribly. She's harsh to her teammates to the point of driving them to tears, punishes younger children ruthlessly and all the time is unbearably smug and self-righteous about what she's doing.

Until that is, Kyr inevitably leaves Gaea Station and becomes gradually disabused of her commitment to its ideology. While I say gradually in practice it happens remarkably quickly. There is justification for the speed it happens in the plot so I won't complain on the grounds of realism. Nevertheless it's a shame that there wasn't more time given to focus on Kyr getting deprogrammed.

Even as she changes her previous actions are not forgotten. With the exception of a handful of people at the top the book doesn't condemn those who were complicit with Gaea Station but neither is it willing to absolve them.

Humanity, Fuck No!

I expect most people reading this are familiar with the internet subgenre of stories called Humanity Fuck, Yeah!, described by a popular subreddit that collects such stories as "all media exhibiting the awesome potential of humanity, known as HFY or "Humanity, Fuck Yeah!", or I once saw concisely summed up as "human chauvinism" science fiction. On Tumblr you're probably most likely to have come across it through humans as space orcs posts and stories. Some Desperate Glory seems as if it is in part a critical response to these type of stories

Even before Kyr leaves Gaea Station we see what the greater universe things of humanity through excerpts from texts written in the settings. I adore using documents written by people in the setting as a framing device when it's well executed and it is here. As we see more of how humans are viewed, first through the excerpts and later through Kyr experiencing the wider universe - seeing Kyr's initial reactions to people not raised in a fascist cult is a highlight of book - it is clear that humanity fits an inverted HFY mould where the characteristics HFY stories idolise made humans the terror of the universe and ultimately led to their doom.

It does frustrate me that this follows countless other novels that insist on humanity being special (or so unremarkable that they are remarkable in their unremarkableness). It's far from the worst offender and "humanity is uniquely terrible" is a little less tired than "humanity is uniquely great" but it still felt repetitive.

The portrayal of humanity as a violent yet honourable primitive species with bizarre customs also mirrors how empires view people they are colonising. It's unclear how intentional this is but the book never actually does anything with this so that parallel just hovers in the background.

The Majo

The Majo, the society of aliens that inhabits most of the universe and annihilated the Earth, are not an empire. You can tell because the book goes out of its way to tell us they aren't one. Which isn't to say that they are an empire but there are enough similarities that I would have liked to see it addressed more substantively. Chalk it up to this book being way less concerned with imperialism than fascism, I suppose.

The various alien species never feel truly Alien. Nothing so cheap as just humans with rubber foreheads but their mindset is never incomprehensible.

At the centre of Majo society is The Wisdom a godlike supercomputer capable of doing basically anything to the point where we might as well just consider it magic. Princes of a near extinct alien species control The Wisdom and are the ones choosing which course of action to take (including say destroying the earth).

Yiso a young Prince of the Wisdom, comes into focus during this section. The training he undergoes to prepare him for his role had clear similarities to Kyr's own childhood which could have been explored more.

As the book leaves behind a tight focus on Kyr in Gaea Station it begins to stumble occasionally. Aspects of the wider setting are introduced but not given enough focus. Nagging questions are left unanswered. Some parts race by too quickly. There are parts of it where I wasn't sure what the books was aiming for and I'm not convinced Tesh knew either. Despite not quite living up to the standard set by the excellent early chapters it continues to be a deeply engaging book.

With the Wisdom introduced the stage is set for the next section of the book. It poses an almost philosophical question. Would it be better:

1. to kill 14 billion humans.

2. let humanity conquer the universe.

These are the only options. In a thought experiment you can just declare that your only choice is whether to pull the lever or not but stories are not thought experiments. The presentation of those choices as the only two possible options is unconvincing. In a short story you could just gloss over it but in a novel length work you need some sort of justification for why they can't do one of a hundred other alternatives. It's far from a grievous flaw but it bothered me.

Alternative Universes

In the penultimate section of the book we move to the viewpoint of Val a version of Kyr from another universe. After being immersed in Kyr's head from the beginning of the book the shift is jarring in the best possible way. Even the name even though it's a potential shortening of Kyr's own feels wrong.

In this universe humanity won the war against the aliens and now is an empire expanding across and endangering the universe. I don't want to belabour this point too much but this section puts another mark in the "Tesh is significantly less interested in imperialism than fascism" column as any focus on imperialism itself is dispensed with perfunctorily.

Val though lacking Kyr's specific indoctrination is still eager to serve as a soldier in the conquering human military.

Before long Kyr gets her memories of the old universe back as do some of the others. Although notably not Magnus who everyone agrees shouldn't get his counterpart's memories which provides a good moment in itself. Cleo, one of the Sparrows, was already interesting from the little we'd seen of her before and rapidly rose to one of the most interesting characters when we got to see her with two lifetimes worth of memories.

It could fairly be suggested that the number of characters from the original universe who Val has significant relationships with in the new one is contrived but frankly I don't care. It's great to see how they develop in a radically different context and my only complaint is that this section isn't longer. Both seeing the alternative versions of the characters initially and then seeing them integrate a lifetime of memories provides some of the books best moments.

The end of the section undermined the dilemma of whether it's better to kill 14 billion people or let humanity develop into an imperial power by changing the stakes that not destroying the Earth will ultimately lead to the annihilation of countless worlds. The initial dilemma was compelling once you suspended disbelief about the lack of alternatives the new one stacks the deck towards destroying the Earth to the point where the question is less interesting.

More focus on the human empire as an empire and not changing the terms of the consequences of destroying earth so starkly would have been great but the character writing in this section is brilliant enough to more than make up for it.

The Old Lie:

While most of the book after the initial section takes place planets and universes away from Gaea Station it looms over the narrative and as inevitably as Kyr left the climax must return to Gaea Station with the lies it's built on now laid bare to Kyr. Unfortunately this is by some distance the weakest part of the novel. If in the sections after Kyr leaves Gaea Station the book stumbles here it faceplants.

Kyr quickly starts working to undermine Gaea Station and brings The Sparrows on board with her plan and then it quickly becomes clear that apparently Kyr was the only one who ever actually bought into Gaea Station's ideology. I exaggerate but not that much. It's hard to think of a named character who is on board with it. The Sparrows are instantly ready to betray Gaea (and not out of any personal loyalty to Kyr most of them don't even like her), middle ranked officer are shown to be acting out of a mix of self interest and fear and the few at the top are just nakedly self-interested under a thin veneer of justifications.

It makes Kyr's earlier genuine belief appear as a rare if not unique exception. When you combine this with the focused personal manipulation of Kyr from Jole (a couple of scenes do a great job of conveying his charisma and skill with influencing people) we don't see anyone who has been indoctrinated to actually actually in circumstances typical of the average person on the station. Something like having one of The Sparrows betray them or at least have to be argued into going along with the rest would have improved this a lot.

This section of the book moves to directly address racism and sexism on Gaea but I often found the manner it did so awkward. Half the time it was just showing something about Gaea Station that we'd already seen and then tacking on "and that's bad because it's racist/sexist" when that was already obvious. A little subtly wouldn't go amiss. There are some notable exceptions including memorably an excerpt from a book written about Gaea that talks about it in a manner that the framing made feel much more natural than when it came up at other points. Interestingly by contrast homophobia was left more implicit. It's more directly addressed later in the book but even then it's more of a light handed show not tell approach.

The ending itself is no better than the rest of the final section. It pulls it's punches and gives a happy ending that feels two easy after everything that happened. It jars with the rest of the story.

Some Desperate Glory tends to be better the smaller the scale it's operating at is. When it's laser focused on Kyr it's damn near perfect, when it's about Gaea Station or the handful of major characters it's still amazingly good but when it pulls out to a larger scale it's still interesting but a lot more flaws start to show.

If it gave the parts with The Wisdom some more thought, allowed Kyr's deradicatilisation a higher page count and showed others who genuinely believed Gaea's ideology, addressed imperialism with if not as much focus as fascism more than the book gives it, and doubled the length of the section with the alternative timeline I'd have no complaints that weren't quibbles. Even so this is an amazing book and I'm eager to see what Tesh writes next.

[hel7l7]

"you're really hot, and nice and everything but just way too fucked up."

Ok I haven't seen my crush since like One Of The Worst Nights Of My Life (info under the cut) and I'm seeing them again tomorrow because we're going on a trip with school... I got a serious stomach ache about this.

I already wrote some sort of thingy about it. But basically we went out with a group of people a few weeks back. Stupidly I decided to ask my crush if I could sleep at their place for the night. Because that way I wouldn't have to worry about taking the last train home.

My crush already knew I fancied them, and I knew nothing was going to happen between us. (other story, another time maybe) But once we got to their place my crush got sick immediately. Thanks to the alcohol. I felt super awkward and didn't really know what to do, they just shut themselves in the bathroom and there wasn't much I could do. I asked them like 5 times if they needed anything but they kept insisting they were fine. So I just changed and got into my bed on the floor. When they were feeling better it all seemed quite alright, we chatted a bit about random stuff till at one point the fact that I fancied them came up. I, too, was feeling the alcohol a bit. I sure as hell hadn't gone as far as them, but I was at the stage where I was tired and a bit sad and dramatic. So I told my crush that I regretted telling them I liked them, because ever since they figured that out it all got much more awkward. Extra info: My crush had told me that they did like me too, but that it was all a bit fast and that they needed more time to figure out what they wanted - as they weren't ready to commit to a relationship or anything. (Not that I asked for that.) Which was all fine by me!!! I'd told them to take the time they needed and that i wasn't expecting anything. (I was hoping for sure, but not pressuring them or anything.)

After I mentioned that I regretting admitting that I liked them, my crush immediately got stressed. Telling me they never meant to hurt me or do any harm, but that it was all too much and too fast. I tried to calm them down by saying it was alright. I wasn't pissed at them or anything, just sad that it changed our dynamic. My crush said they were seeing someone else (which later turned out not to be true) to which I replied that they could've told me that before. (it seemed smt that had been going on for a while.) My crush got really sad and started crying because they didn't want to hurt me. They said they knew I was very broken already and that they feared they would make things worse for me. I assured them I'd be fine. I mean, it's not like we were dating. After all it was just a crush. But they didn't really believe it. Then they started telling me that they did like me. Only the problem was that I was too fucked up for them, that my backstory was too much for them too handle. That I was too much. Too negative. Too broken. They told me I couldn't be loved until I fully loved myself. They said I was more broken than I realised and that I needed to heal from that first. My crush knows like a little bit of the basics from my background.

And I know it can be heavy, that I'm not the easiest to deal with. But the way they just kept going and telling me how fucked I was, how broken and how they just couldn't handle it. It just hurt so much. Because my biggest fear is that no one will ever be romantically interested in me because of my trauma. I'm always scared of being too fucked up, unlovable. And my crush just started this whole speech in which they just said all the things I always feared.

I started crying. (bcs alcohol and sad) And I just couldn't hold it in. But I kept assuring them I'd be fine. I was still able to communicate and I was crying but calm and it didn't REALLY hit me in the moment because I was so exhausted from the day and just a bit in shock honestly. This caused them to spiral so badly.

We tried talking about something else as a distraction but my crush was just not calming down. I don't know exactly what it was, but the conversation was too heavy for them and they just couldn't cope with it all and started panicking. I kept trying to calm them down and reassure them that it was ok. but nothing i said was good.

The anxiety caused more sickness for them. And this basically went on for the entire night. (Like so much more happened but the story is too long already lmao) I went home really early in the morning and haven't spoken to them since.

[kli-kli]

Any song can be curtwen-coded if you're delusional enough BUT for me, the most saf-related song will always be Working for a Knife by Mitski, and listening to it again roday hit me with a lot of thoughts and feelings.  Because 'working for a knife' itself means working towards something that will destroy you. It shows the correlation between what you have to do and what leads to your inevitable end. 

So, like, pre-canon espionage? Fits. Curt's return to the profession? Fits. Owen as a DMA? Fits!

It also fits Tatiana and her past, although she is the one who manages to get away from it (all the best for our girl <3).

I cry at the start of every movie I guess 'cause I wish I was making things too But I'm working for the knife I used to think I would tell stories But nobody cared for the stories I had about No good guys

It's about Curt and Owen pre-canon, when the work ceased to be what brought them together and began to get in the way (along with other factors) of their future together, or any future for that matter. Maybe it's the moment when Owen gets fed up with spying and starts to consider all the ways his life could have turned out if he'd made a different decision in the past. It's when he sees all the 'what ifs...' that never got a chance to become reality. Or maybe those are the short moments when Curt—the one who loves what he does because it's his dream and because it's cool as fuck—begins to see that it made his alcohol problem a little bit bigger and his wellbeing worse—even if he'll never admit it out loud.

It's the final realisation of what their end will be. They'll die on a mission at some completely unexpected moment. They're working for the knife — for something that will get them killed one day, without giving them any chance for a normal life together.

Tatiana, whose life has been marked by violence since childhood, who is thrown into this environment against her will, with no control over it. Until she finally manages to regain this control, but even then she cannot be fully free and is forced to act on behalf of her blackmailer. 

I always knew the world moves on I just didn't know it would go without me I start the day high and it ends so low 'Cause I'm working for the knife I used to think I'd be done by twenty Now at twenty-nine, the road ahead appears the same Though maybe at thirty, I'll see a way to change That I'm living for the knife

Curt is returning to his profession after four years of grief and stagnation, but despite taking that step, he is still in the same place, dwelling on what he did, when the whole world moved on like nothing happened. But eventually he goes back to being a spy, something Owen would have wanted for him. His healing journey can begin, right? Even if he's returning to something that was slowly destroying him in the past — things will be different now, right??

Owen is so committed to his revenge that it's impossible for him to move on completely (no matter what he says in the finale, like be for real). And of course, he has his goal, and everything will be fine once he achives it. But for that to happen, he has to work for another organisation. They can present themselves as a better alternative to government organisations all they want, but we don't know how they really treated Owen. But what we are sure of is that, at the end of the day, he ended up dead.  So, in the end, it is always dying for the knife, no matter which one. 

I always thought the choice was mine And I was right, but I just chose wrong I start the day lying and end with the truth That I'm dying for the knife

So maybe going with Chimera's plan was the biggest mistake. Or maybe 'the knife' was just his relationship with Curt all along. Maybe in his mind that was the wrong choice that he made, that got him killed twice.

And Curt, during his grieving period, tried to pull himself together, get out of alcoholism, and move on. But that strong resolve to get back on his feet came every morning, only to disappear every evening, when he no longer had the strength to lie to himself that things would get better. And Curt post-canon, who gradually, more and more clearly, sees that he cannot destroy Chimera alone and that attempting to do so by himself was not the best choice.

Or maybe the worst choice was killing Owen on that staircase. 

[zodiactalks]

How Fast Each Zodiac Sign Falls IN and OUT of LOVE

Love is...complicated, and no one has the same relationship with it as someone else.

Despite that, some trends can be observed amongst Zodiac signs, with some falling in and out of love quickly and others taking forever to do either of those things.

Who loves the longest? Who loves the fastest?

Keep reading to find out.

Gemini

When it comes to love, Geminis are likely to fall in and out of it without any real warning.

Though they can be pretty loyal, Geminis are often not that interested in a stable relationship, preferring quick flings and fun adventures over having the same partner for years on end.

Even when they're serious about it, they tend to be conflicted or, at the very least, confused, often hesitating to commit fully for fear of changing their mind halfway through.

Aquarius

While many Aquarians can be committed, if not outright devoted, a great deal of them don't really feel the need to be in a relationship, so when they get into one, it's usually to satisfy other people's wishes rather than their own.

When this happens, a relationship with an Aquarius can end without warning, no matter how dedicated the other person can be. Aquarians' general lack of interest and uncanny ability to stay aloof and unaffected make for temporary relationships rather than permanent ones.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are known for their constant need for entertainment and their love for freedom and independence.

This is a sign that might commit and mean it, but only while the relationship is good. If a relationship gives them too much trouble, grows repetitive, or simply stops being as enjoyable as it was, don't expect Sagittarius to stick around for long.

Libra

Libras are in love with love, which means they fall in love with the feeling, and not necessarily the person who causes it.

Libras hate the idea of being in a relationship that doesn't feel good, a relationship that doesn't make them feel special, so if their current relationship starts feeling stagnant, and the possibility of a better, more romantic relationship is on the horizon, they're very likely to jump ship.

Aries

Aries is impulsive and passionate, which means that they love with everything they have, but only as long as they're having fun.

They don't like it when relationships move too slowly or grow stagnant. They don't like it when relationships are more frustrating than pleasing. They don't like it when relationships stop being the whirlwind romance that they want.

In short, Arians might not cheat or go behind their partner's back, but they won't hesitate to end a relationship if items get too dull for their taste.

Virgo

While they can be very loving, Virgos aren't the most expressive with their emotions, so unless you're paying attention, it's easy to believe your relationship with them isn't going well.

If a Virgo pays attention to you, wants to spend time together, calls you to see how you're doing, and generally shows interest in you and your life, you're in safe territory, even if they don't tell you they love you.

When does a Virgo stop doing all of those things, though? That's when you should worry, as Virgos don't hesitate to leave a relationship, they don't want to be in.

Capricorn

Capricorns know that good things take time, and to be in a wonderful relationship, you need to work hard to get past the bumps and problems.

While they're slow to enter a relationship and even slower to commit, once they're in, they're in for good, and they're far more likely to work on improving their relationships than to bail at the first sign of trouble.

Pisces

Pisces is known as hopelessly romantic, so you can be sure they fall in love easily and for a long time.

They're unlikely to give up on a relationship quickly, and will try their best to make sure any romantic relationship they have works.

They're a little clingy and dependent, so they're likely to stick in a relationship even when it's souring, but they know better than to stay if things take a worse turn.

Leo

Leos love being in relationships and are willing to put in the work to make them last as long as possible.

They'll fight against anyone, even their partner, to ensure their relationship is happy and committed, but they'll only do this if they think their partner is just as interested.

Leos will give it their all to a relationship, as long as their partner isn't unenthusiastic about it.

Taurus

Taurus are slow to love and be attached, but once they're in love and willing to commit, it'll take a lot to make them lose interest.

Because it takes them so long to get attached, they'd rather fight for the relationship they have than start a new one. They're the kind of people who will go to couple's therapy rather than call off a relationship for good.

Cancer

Cancers don't enter relationships easily, but once they're in, they're in for life.

They love hard and with their whole heart, and since they're so attached to those they love, that means there's little they won't do to preserve their relationship.

The best thing about Cancer is that even when a relationship doesn't work, they're willing to try again after learning from their past relationships, of course.

Scorpio

Scorpios like to meet people first, get to know their goals, desires, fears, and true colors. They'd never get in a relationship with someone they don't know, like the back of their hand, and they don't understand people who do.

Because of this, Scorpio will do just about anything to preserve their relationship, even turning to unhealthy behaviors to keep the love they've dedicated so much time to.

As long as things are healthy, this isn't a problem, but if the relationship is toxic, Scorpio can get clingy or downright stalkerish.

[heartberrydog]

Ah!!!

I know I sent an ask tonight already but that last ask was so interesting in so many ways!!

And I have OPINIONS, and I love SHARING them, so that's what I'm gonna do! (This is so long I'm so sorry please don't hate me-)

On Dazai and Gender: I actually really like your take on that, and it's one I can fully agree with! You helped me broaden my understanding of what I think of this!

To me, the thing about the Dazai's Gender™ thing always seemed to come from a place of hatred of the self. Not quite self-hatred, which I am framing differently in this situation. As in, Dazai obviously hates himself and he knows that and he knows why and he's not (actively/consciously) trying to change that- (because that's a lost cause)

As most people with a deep understanding of human psyche and a high intelligence, he's a self-intellectualizer, even if he's not ever gonna ADMIT to it, he already knows all of that intellectually BUT! In my opinion, considering how detached and numb from his own feelinhs he is, I feel like anything gender related might be thought to be the cause of something else, i.e, the body he was born in.

And obviously he hates it, and obviously he hates himself and because of that he hates being a man, but I could see the wires getting crossed a bit in his mind, as in: instead of hating his body because he hates himself, he hates himself because he hates his body. That if he had a different body, he wouldn't.

Enter the whole gender thing I always perceived with him, specifically, as in, him believing that maybe if he was born differently (a woman) he wouldn't hate himself.

And to me, that wouldn't really work because whether he is a man or she is a woman, in either cases they are Dazai, and the only reason Dazai hates Dazai is because they are Dazai, and not the body/gender.

(To be honest, I don't often focus on things like gender. To me, it's just a thing that's... There. I could be a man or a woman, I wouldn't care, the only difference is the social environment coming with each, and that's basically how I consider most of the characters I see in fiction, gender is always... Last place in the things I actually consider about them, unless it's important in their narratives, which happens more often to female characters than male ones, Dazai is really kind of a first here, so I hope I'm making sense?

I don't feel like I am making sense, but I don't know how to put it better ╰(‵□′)╯

... And also that I don't sound transphobic or anything like that at all, because I can see how that might sound offensive and I fully know that everyone's experience is unique and probably not like this at all, this is a Dazai-specific take, promise 😭😭)

ANYWAYS-

On Dazai and Women: I really like your understanding of his relationships with women and his misogyny and I fully agree with everything you said, it's crazy, you're so smart I'm scared of your genius-

But ALSO! On Dazai wanting to die with a beautiful woman (with whom he has, coincidentally, no actual relationship with/feelings/respect for-), I feel like he set this as a goal specifically to push back the end goal (aka, death) as much as he can by making it as hard as possible.

Because, to be honnest?

I think this guy definitely could get a random woman to commit with him. He knows how words work, he knows how people work, he could very easily just... Swoop in on a vulnerable woman and use the momentum to get the partner in death he always claimed to want but he doesn't.

He doesn't, because he doesn't actually want to die, obviously, but he can't just admit to that, can he, after romanticizing his own death and non-ecistence for so long? So I feel like, instead of actively just doing something about his suicidal tendencies, he's just. Pushing back the goal post:

First it was a death that must be painless, and by exploring so many different ways to die he's just pushing back the time he'll act seriously. Then, when THAT started to stop working, he set another impossible goal: Not only finding a beautiful woman to commit double suicide with, but most specififally, not die feeling ALONE.

And, like you said, that's... Not gonna happen. Or at least not with a woman. Maybe with someone he actively cared for, but as you mentioned, he wants THEM to live, and to be happy, he doesn't want to commit double suicide with anyone he actually cares for and therefore, he will never not be alone in death.

But why is he pushing the goal post?

Because he's looking for the worth of life. Because he has made a promise to a friend. Because he's trying to save people. Because without him, Chuuya might self-destruct.

1001 reasons not to die yet, the bonds he made are the ties shackling him to the living. But obviously, he's not a good person. He's not human. He's Dazai. He can't live for others, that doesn't make sense for who he understands himself to be! So, he creates a selfish reason. And then another. And another, until death is just a dream that is always just barely out of his reach.

Of course, it's not foolproof. Of course, sometimes he slips and death's hand drag him by his ankles closer to it. At this point, it is indeed the people around him that save him, again and again.

At least, that's how I always interpreted that wish to die with a beautiful woman! As with everything with him, it's just bullshit to hide the very, very bad mental state he is in, at all times.

Plus, there's the timing to consider, I don't think Dazai ever directly expressed actively WANTING a double suicide until after he met Atsushi, which put things into an... Interesting perspective.

I love psychoanalyzing this freak.

Ok, but I'll really stop talking now, I don't want tumblr to crash and this is already too long-

(As a side note, before I go, do you ever feel like you are over-intellectualising something to justify/explain liking a trope that's considered homophobic/misogynistic?

For example, the way you understand sokoku is also the one I fully understand and agree with, but also the "sleep around top with a 'virgin/pure' bottom" trope that's rampant in BL spaces and showcase an idea of the bottom/"feminine" one needing to take a submissive stand and to also require sexual purity?

It's obviously not how you view them at all, obviously, but I often find myself second guessing why I like something and sometimes I feel like I'm scrambling so hard to justify why, it's actually counter-productive and I feel like I'm being defensive of my own biases, which is both stupid and maddening, and I can't just wave it aside because I think it's stupid because what if I'm RIGHT and just ignoring things about myself that I don't like? I hate people like that, I can't be like them too, please 😭😭😭.

I feel like, as a fellow overthinker, you might understand what I mean? ಥ⌣ಥ)

Anyway, thanks for reading all of that, sorry to send such a big ask already after the last two-

First of all, I’ll say this again—as many times as I have to, honestly—the influx of asks really doesn’t bother me!!! And I love longer asks a lot more than shorter ones because 1) they enable me to also allow my response to be kilometeric, without repercussions 2) they give me a lot of concrete stuff to reply to, which I personally prefer over being asked something on the more vague side!!!

So, no, I could never hate you 😠 I love you, actually 🫶💗💞💖

( ˶°ㅁ°) !! That’s such an interesting take on Dazai’s gender!!! I really, really like it. I think if that were the case, he’d moreso try to use the body he was born in as an excuse, instead of genuinely believing that. He wouldn’t want to acknowledge that something is inherently different about him in a way he cannot control, so he blames it on his body, because that’s not something anyone expects him to control. Meanwhile gender and sexuality (and even neurodivergence) are generally depicted to be a choice by the, sadly, too many bigots in the public domain. So he’d probably internalize this kind of judgement (especially since many of kinds of bigots would honestly end up in the Mafia), and so he’d try to blame his body because he doesn’t want to tackle his more deep-seated issues with his identity, you know?

Yeah, I definitely feel you on that, don’t worry. My gender is also a whole amalgamation of things. Technically, I am multigender, and I’ve been aware of this for a while, but practically, I find explaining such an identity to the people around me is always too much work, too complicated, and rarely gets me any of the treatment I’d like from that, anyway, so I just stick with ‘any pronouns’ for convenience. Plus, the multigender flag is ugly as HELL.

I don’t think there’s any way that can be interpreted as transphobic, though? Gender is a social construct, that’s an objective fact. My personal viewing of it is that it is useless and people should be allowed to just exist without having to shove themselves into a box and putting a nice little label on the lid to make the lives of the assholes around them easier. If we keep trying to extend our scope of gender and sexuality labels to fit everyone in the world we will end up with precisely as many genders and sexualities as there are people on the planet because nobody’s experience is truly the same, and this shit has never been consistent. All of us each gravitate towards the most acceptable label that fits our experience closely enough, but no label is ever going to be able to describe an entire human experience, because humanity is too big for that.

Alas, this is the form of the society we live in and me whining on tumblr isn’t going to change millions of years of conditioning and the construction of these concepts. At the current point in society, and with all the history behind it, queer people using labels is a reclaiming, of sorts, because the expectations under other people’s labels is what oppressed us in the first place. I just don’t think we should have to do this, but we do, and that’s that.

Your choice to ditch labels altogether is also reclaiming in the same sense, though, so I believe you’re fine. Your experiences are always going to be nobody’s but your own.

I think of character’s gender pretty often, because I feel like that has a lot of impact on character regardless of whether they’re a man, a woman, or whatever else. Chuuya’s gender, for example, despite being your average cis man in my eyes, is still important to me. I don’t talk about it half as much because fandom only seems to require evidence for trans identities since we have established cis to be the norm (🙄), but I still find his masculinity to be very important and a crucial part of his character. And this is precisely because gender and gender expression is always, always dynamic. To me, he’s one of the only characters I’ve ever seen in fiction (and real life tbh) that is this secure in his masculinity. It’s so refreshing in a way that drives me mad with fascination. It’s why it honestly angers me so much when people mischaracterize and feminize him in order to fit their agenda of what he should be like within their scope of wildly fetishized mlm tropes.

His masculinity is unconventional, though, and that’s definitely why a lot of people don’t see it as masculinity, I think. But I personally find that is a skill issue 🙄 Consider questioning the system more 💕 /lh

He’s not masculine in the “I’m a man and everything feminine THREATENS me and my identity and EMASCULATION is my biggest fear 😠” kind if way, but in the “I’m a man, and the way I express myself isn’t going to change that. People can think what they want, I don’t fucking care, my knowledge about myself is what truly matters.”

So, even though he isn’t personally drawn to or interested in expressing feminine, I don’t think he feels threatened by being viewed through that lens. He doesn’t think femininity is an enemy, like most MASCULINE 👹 men do. So, as I’ve mentioned before, he’d feel comfortable wearing a dress, or exchanging shoes with a female’s friend if her feet get uncomfortable, and so on. He wouldn’t secretly enjoy it in the way Dazai would, for example, but it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable either, besides the physical aspects like getting used to walking like that, or a weird material that restricts movement, so on.

Your take on Dazai and women is so, so clever actually?!?! ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!💕💕

I really love itt!!! And you’re so right. I can’t believe I didn’t think about that before, but yeah, I definitely agree! Very unique and fitting view ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡) Don’t mind if I…… Happen to steal that 😈 (with credit <3)

About the whole thing in the parentheses, ever since I have been Enlightened, I never really… Cared about that. Mostly because I am a very secure in my opinions and the reasons behind them, so I know that I’m not trying to justify anything. My views of these characters are dictated by my analysis of them, not the other way around, and I’m aware of that and secure enough in myself to make that distinction. I’m not exactly an overthinker, I’d say, because I don’t think more than I have to, I just think a lot. And I like that I think a lot. I really feel like… not a lot of people are doing that nowadays, and it saddens me greatly.

I do get where you’re coming from, though, and I think that’s very valid, as I think all emotions are. But, I think you’re stuck in a bit of a paradox. This overthinking is a result of you actually having proper opinions. Do you think people that genuinely participate in fetishization worry about this shit? Trust me, they don’t. And the difference between the justification they do and actually being justified is that it doesn’t make sense. And often doesn’t have any proper arguments/reasoning and the only thing they can say in their defense is invoking their right to an opinion.

Whenever people actually question themselves and their beliefs, they manage to deconstruct them and find the core of those beliefs. If you’ve already done the work at questioning yourself, multiple times, and have not yet found a secret layer of yourself that simply yearns for baseless fetishization and that all your opinions are secretly built around, then that’s probably because it isn’t there, and that’s not the case.

Also, as a side note, I don’t really… Even view my soukoku as trope-y. They could certainly be interpreted that way, sure, everyone can do exactly what they want, but I really don’t think they are. Because the feminization of the bottom character in BL tropes never comes out of an actual complicated gender identity. Because the character is never insecure about it, due to it not being a gender identity. Because my rendition of Dazai still has tons of personality outside of his sex position, and his character is, by no means, defined or watered down by it. Because my rendition of Chuuya isn’t a big selfish dominant top, he has the capacity and the actual desire to be gentle, sometimes, Dazai just doesn’t allow it. Because his control over Dazai isn’t genuine control, neither of them actually have control over the other. Because they both have genuine character driven reasons to behave the way they do, because those reasons reflect in all of their behavior, not just their behavior during sex.

Because they have a relationship outside the sex that is very much devoid of tropes altogether. They just happen to fall into a sex dynamic that can seem conventional at first because people just… Do that sometimes. Tropes are based on reality. They have strayed far, far away from those roots, but that reality still exists, and I don’t think the fetishization of mlm relationships, and specifically this kind of mlm dynamic, should erase that. If anything, it makes building up good such dynamics more important, so the only representation of them isn’t that trope-y bullshit.

(EDIT: Forgot to mention this, but I do sometimes feel superficial because I write so much smut, which might be similar to your own feelings of guilt here 💀 Because like. As I keep mentioning, my main is currently pretty barren, and that means I haven’t been able to finish anything that ISN’T smut for over a year. Really makes me feel like some perverted sex-obsessed freak sometimes 🧍‍♀️ But I do try to remind myself that I have various ideas that are devoid of smut, except they’re to long and complex to be written so easily, and also that, at the very least, all my smut has some sort of greater purpose, and that it also helps me write more in order to get better as a writer, which is the reason I started this series anyway, so…)

Thank you so much for the ask!! It was very fun to reply to. Genuinely don’t worry about the amount of asks you send, or their length, despite what my awful replying times might indicate, I do appreciate each of them greatly 😔💞💓

Have an amazing dayy!!! ( ੭ ˘ ³˘)੭‎°｡⋆♡‧₊˚

[tshifty]

hmm a thought im still trying to figure out how to put into words. but I really see so many people not understanding that there is a difference in saying you believe voting is vital to democracy, and saying that you believe for instance that joe biden will save our democracy.

because I keep seeing so many fucking people trying to scream how biden is good for our country and will push us to progress and just fully ignoring or lying about all the harm he has caused. bc you have turned politics into your own personal stan war.

versus understanding and really reckoning with how far our democracy has fallen. how shitty it has been in many ways for its entire existence as an institution also. understanding that voting is a tool not falling in love. understanding that for the love of god you have to, you MUST reckon with how evil they all are, if you are to have absolutely any hope in actually coming together in community to create real systemic change.

because when all you're doing is screaming at people to vote or else they're stupid, ignorant, uninformed, selfish, lazy.. my god do you hear yourself?? who the fuck do you think you're reaching??? people don't want to vote because our politicians are monsters and our country is collapsing. because our president is committing genocide and we're all watching it happen live on fucking instagram every single day.

you don't even care about reaching people. not even a little bit. because you damn well know you're only saying that in a vacuum. yelling at people that they're stupid because you don't understand the government is killing them is fucking cruel. telling people they're stupid because the even more evil option will hurt more people... babe people are aware of that.

there will always be a worse option. and voting is a tool that can be used to hold off that worse option. but at what point are we actually going to do something about just how bad things have become?

so I swear to god the next fucking post I see about someone saying "people don't want to vote for biden bc he's committing genocide which clearly shows their lack of understanding complex issues bc trump would kill More people and for Other Reasons Too" im gonna fucking lose it. shut your goddamn mouth you are doing no good to anyone. you're not reaching anybody with that shit. shut the fuck up and sit with your thoughts. you and your moral fucking high-ground you sound so ignorant.

fuck joe biden. fuck that man. drag him to the Hague. and if. IF!!!! if he gets my vote in november it won't be because he's good, it will be because we cannot afford to fall into fascism more rapidly than we already fucking are. people are so deeply well aware of what is at stake. a lot of yall doing this shit though, yall seem like you're the ones who don't see what's really been at stake for a while now. if yall think the only method we will need to fix this is electoral, then you really haven't been paying attention.

[dipplinduo]

I have an au idea I wish to share.

What if, instead of Kieran being possessed by Pecharunt, he was instead possessed by a surprise villain: Terapagos.

I can imagine the Indigo disk squad from the endgame going down into the underdepths of area zero, where everything progresses normally at first until Kieran starts his monologue and pulls out the Terapagos crystal. Terapagos, now enraged by insolent humans intruding into it's home, takes advantage of Kieran and his greed to possess him. Thing is, it's not a complete possession. Kieran is fully aware of what's happening around him whilst Terapagos is lashing out at everything.

Terapagos takes any advance from another person as a threat and attacks them by generating sharp tera crystals from the ground like spears. Kieran tries to convince everyone to leave him and to get to safety (leaving him would trap him in the underground forever) not only to save everyone but to atone for everything he's done.

Now you may be asking, what does this have to do with dipplinshipping? Well how do expect this to end, in a reasonable way? It's by the power of love of course!

Everyone starts trying to get through to him, and that this isn't the way, but Juliana gets to him first. When she does, Kieran asks "Why would you help me? I'm not even you're friend!" Which stings a little but Juliana responds with. "What are you talking about? We've always been friends." Which causes something to snap inside of Kieran, freeing him of Terapagos' control.

Kieran immediately passed out due to stress and the underdepths starts to collapse due to all the commotion. Once final rush to the exit, and the dlc concludes, with Juliana's and Kieran's relationship forever changed.

Might write a fic, but I'm a novice and suck at commiting to stuff so idk.

This is a fun twist and I think you should!! I'd love to read it no matter how it turns out. What matters is your passion and effort, and I see how much thought you put into this! :)

[scribeforchrist-blog]

On Repeat 

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK
=========================
+ 2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”
=========================
VERSE OF THE DAY 
========================
+ John 5:14  Later, Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning, or something worse may happen to you.” 
=========================
SUBJECT: On Repeat 
=========================
** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **
I AM FASTING 
I AM BEAUTIFULLY, WONDERFULLY MADE
I AM LISTENING 
I AM PRAISING HIM 
********************************
THOUGHTS:
=======================
     Jesus was telling the man here, you're healed, you're fine, you fully healed, but you must stop because if you keep going this way, you will have something worse happen. Not all the time, but sometimes what happens is when we sin, we bring sickness unto our lives, and it comes from us opening doors to other spirits and such to be active in our life; that’s how spirits are let in, and sometimes we don’t understand that because a lot of people don’t want to believe in this, they don’t want to believe what they do and what they enjoy is a sin and could cause them to become sick.
   Too much drinking, sex before marriage, defiling the marriage bed, smoking, eating an excessive amount of food, gambling all these things can lead to things happening to us. We don’t link these things to the things that are in our lives because we don’t want to believe the comforts could bring on something we don’t need in our lives; then, when these things happen, we are quick to say, oh the devil brought them on, and that’s half-truth the other truth we must take accountability to our actions.
    Jesus isn’t going to make us stop sinning just like he couldn’t make that man stop sinning; all he could do is tell him hey, your sin is what will make you worse if you don’t stop.
     Psalm  118:18 The Lord has disciplined me severely but has not given me over to death.
  The Lord will not give us over to death, and sure, the punishment or chastisement we will receive for the sins we commit will feel like it’s the end of the world. It will feel so terrible it will, but the pain we sometimes experience in life from having a life of sin and a life of doing what we want will cause certain aspects of our body and mind to be vulnerable.
     I'm pretty sure a lot of people don’t want to read a devotional like this, but when the truth is, our actions have consequences, and nowadays, no one wants to accept accountability for their actions; we don’t want to say what we are doing will cause us to have problems. I hear a lot of people say this: how can God send someone to hell? He doesn’t send us to hell not at all; we send ourselves when we don’t want to surrender to his will and deny worldly desires; we have to be in a place in our lives where we say if I don’t stop or if I don’t give up on this or that I will go to hell because of my actions it's about accountability we will see that in the Bible a lot of people don’t want to take accountability.
     Nehemiah 9:28 But after they had rest, they did evil again before you, and you abandoned them to the hand of their enemies so that they had dominion over them. Yet when they turned and cried to you, you heard from heaven, and you delivered them often according to your mercies.”
   This would be a repeated cycle because no matter what we do, God will hear us when we cry out to him, but why do we as people have to go through this to bring us back to a good thing to a good place with God, we see only the temporary relief and when he doesn’t hear us? He doesn’t change the situation; we are so quick to say he hates us, and he doesn’t; he is just letting us have what we have left him for. 
 • Hebrews 10:26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,

 •John 9:41 Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains


• James 4:17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him, it is sin.

Are your sins on repeat? Are you still doing the same sin over and over, and you're wondering why you haven’t grown or heard the lord's voice?? Sometimes, we can cause damage to our lives by our actions. Repeated sins show a lot in our lives; it shows we need to let go of some things and do some major fasting; once again, some of you hear me say this a lot, but we can’t look at the look of a sin or how bad the sin is , just because a sin isn’t as bad as this or that doesn’t mean it isn’t bad. 
   ***Today, we learned about sin and how it can affect us. Some people say it can’t, but we can see in the Bible it does; the spirit of sickness and disease is real, and we can continue to be in denial about what we are doing and how it affects not only those areas but it can affect our relationship with God. 
   Repeated sins can only be defeated by fasting, and I know many people don’t like to, but this can jump-start your relationship with God. It can also make you stronger in your spirit. When Jonah went to Nineveh, and he told them of the wrong and the judgment that was coming, they immediately went into a fast with sackcloth’s 
  Jonah 3:5 Then the people of Nineveh believed God. They proclaimed a fast and dressed in sackcloth—from the greatest to the least.
  We don’t have to put on sackcloth; BUT our hearts need to be contrite and focus on what we can do to stop the sins we are doing. When we realize we have sinned and we can’t stop this sin, we must pray for the doors to those spirits to be closed and not welcome them again, and we welcome them by doing those sins, by being curious about certain things and submitting our hand's and eyes to those sins. God desires for us not to be slaves to sins. We can’t let anything be our master; whatever we serve and want the most is our master.  ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee
========================
PRAYER
========================
Heavenly Father, we thank you for today, lord; please help us be more like you, lord; cover us in your blood; we ask you to help us to fast and stay focused on you. Lord, we need you right now. Lord, we submit our lives to you and ask you to close every door to sin in our lives. And please rebuke the spirits attached to our lives, lord; we want to walk holy for you and please you; we have faith in you and trust you with our lives. In Jesus' Name Amen
========================
REFERENCES 
========================
+ 1 Timothy 1:13 I was formerly a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief,

+ 2 Thessalonians 2:10 and with all wicked deception for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and be saved.

+ John 13:17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.
========================
FURTHER READINGS 
=========================
Proverbs 20
1 Kings 9
Amos 6
Acts 13
=========================


[radio-free-beth-sarim]

Big Changes in JW Land

Some big changes in JW land. Women can wear pants. Men can grow beards. Field service is no longer counted by the hour. The governing body has said that skepticism about impending Armageddon is reasonable and people are allowed to "wait for the signs" before committing fully to Jehovah. And finally, current JWs are allowed to speak to disfellowshipped and faded JWs as long as it's exclusively to encourage them to come back.

These are huge changes that are already haven a big impact on the rank and file JW. Men with beards and women with pants? There is division along generational lines now where the younger JWs are adapting to the new changes and the older JWs are scandalized. This is going to happen with any change, but it's funny to me that it's happening over something so innocuous as beards and women wearing pants. This is a gamble by the governing body that might probably pay off in the long run as the old JWs die out. The ban on beards and female presenting pants will be seen as silly. It's an issue that won't even be a problem maybe ten or twenty years from now. You know what? As fucked up as it is to be told you're allowed to wear pants or grow a beard, or as some have been reporting, NOT wearing a tie (OMG) to meetings, this is a positive for the rank and file JW and ultimately I think that's good. I feel like I keep needing to reiterate that I am not looking to take anyone's religion away, but I am looking to hold the WTS accountable. I will not denigrate the religious beliefs of anyone, regardless of my personal feelings about them, unless these doctrines cause real tangible harm to people. Forcing such strict gender expression IS a harmful practice and I am glad they have been relaxed. Maybe someday they'll let women preach to men without head coverings. Maybe one day you'll see a drag queen at a Watchtower cart. Maybe one day I'll have a pet lion that only eats cotton candy and habanero peppers.

I am seeing more than a few PIMOs (still in JWs who don't believe) talking about how they've experienced anger from older JWs about these changes. Though, I should note that these are based mostly on reddit posts and youtube comments so they're hardly legitimate sources. Still, the chatter is there. Not all of it can be fake. I haven't talked to my mother about any of this to get her feelings because this is a subject she and I just do not talk about. We have an unspoken understanding not to talk about anything related to the JWs or religion, as she has so far failed to shun me and out of love and respect for her I will not give her a reason to. The real big changes are the fact that the JWs have admitted that it's a reasonable stance to be skeptical that we're in the end times and have given concessions to JWs who would like more proof. That's a big change, because skepticism has always been strictly forbidden. You take all of the doctrine 100% or you take none of it and have to leave. BIG changes and I'm wondering how many PIMOs will take this opportunity to exit.

The last change is one that affects me as an ex-JW. JWs are now allowed to speak to me. Will they? Probably not. If they do, they're only allowed to speak to me about coming back. You know what? Fuck you. They must think this is a kindness to me. And you know, maybe 15 years ago I would have seen it that way. But now? You ignore me for 20 years and only come around to invite me back into your club only because the governing body tells you that you can? No. Fuck you. If ANY of the JWs I grew up with reach out to me after all this time, they're getting a swift and vicious dressing down. I cannot think of anything more insulting. None of those fuckers cared when I was at my lowest point. They don't get to come back now that they have Mark Stephen Lett's permission.

As far as I'm concerned my mother is the only JW I've ever met with a spine for not disowning me when I left. She's the only one I would be willing to talk to about this. And I know she never will, because at least she respects me and my decisions. That's a huge privilege I have over a lot of ex-JWs and I'm thankful for that. If she does approach me, I'm going to be as loving and respectful as I could possibly be because she has maintained a relationship with me beyond the bounds of that cult at personal risk to herself. She's earned the right if she wants to. I'm never going back, but the door is open to her if she wants it. The rest of those fair weather fucks? Fuck 'em. They can come to me hat in hand with an apology or they can fuck right off.

[ask-alphabetboyluvr]

So I'm kinda confused about what kind of pill is mentioned that byeol takes. In one of the chapters she says she's ovulating but if someone is on the pill they don't ovulate. The pill stops eggs from releasing so symptoms of ovulation don't appear and when she suspected she might be pregnant then she should've known if she was taking the hormone or the placebo.

No offence but a little misinformation can harm many others.

I still do love your work. And I like how they dealt with the whole might be pregnant thing. Unexpected pregnancies are catastrophic.

Hope they try and be more careful and discuss it again if something fails then what would they do now that they're committed. This type of communication should keep happening between couples for longevity.

Thx for the lovely book xoxo

heya!! very valid question—and as a girlie who's been through the ringer with hormonal birth control I can assure you that just because something is supposed to work in certain way doesn't mean it always does (looking at u, my mortal enemy nexplanon)!!

the mini pill (which is what I've used the most) only stops ovulation for about half of the people who use it. as opposed to stopping ovulation, it thickens the lining up to prevent sperm from reaching the egg, which still gets released. it tends to be less effective than the combined pill and implant, both of which do fully stop ovulation (from what I know).

there also is no placebo on the mini pill. its constant pill taking, no breaks.

the implant and combined pill were nightmarish for me, so when Im on birth control I tend to use the mini pill—but even then, it has to be taken daily at the exact same time so if you slip up and forget etc then you're still at risk!!

so no offence taken, but if a 'little misinformation' (of which in this case, it isnt) is actually just making readers be more aware of birth control, their cycle, and potential changes in their body, I don't think that could be considered harmful. my bestfriend is about 4 weeks away from giving birth despite being on the mini at time of conception so.... yeah. it pays to be aware lol (bc even though its very exciting and everyone is very happy, it very much was unplanned!!)

in relation to the story, B is just joking around when she says that, 'cause she's finding an excuse for why she wants to jump his bones!! so is not supposed to be taken seriously regardless—my bad if it doesnt come across as it was intended! I believe it states that she uses the app more so to check her horoscopes, to indicate that she doesn't actually keep a check on her cycle too closely. so yeah. she's just making a joke 😭

I do wonder what it would be like if it happened at this stage of their relationship, too. neither of them are ready for it, in my opinion, so it would be tough to navigate!

thank you for the kind words!

[gwemmieee]

Patricia being a real one again ❤️

This is such a simple concept to me. I've spent a lot of time being abused. Yes I fucking hate abusers who don't change. Yes there have been abusers in my life who I may never forgive. No I have never abused a single person, myself. I have tried to get along with no less than 8 serial abusers who at different times dominated my entire life. I am allowed to make a declarative statement on what about this is pragmatic and what about this is the right way to go about it. So let me do that.

THIS IS CORRECT. Every single time my life has ruined by an abuser, it was further ruined by the abuser's continued decision to double down on blaming themselves instead of changing. Every single time an abuser genuinely changed and gave me a real apology and sometimes even rebuilt trust, it happened AFTER they decided to forgive themselves and try to love themselves. Because blaming yourself is not a punishment. It's the easy way out. It's how you avoid putting any effort into anything constructive. Because it's a super simple way to push away someone you've hurt so that you don't have to worry about their opinion ever again.

I even see this myself firsthand. After the amount of time I've spent being gaslit and abandoned, in my desperate attempts to not be alone, I've developed a tendency to just go along with whatever someone else tells me in order to placate them, because I'm terrified that they'll hate me if I don't. If they've decided I did something wrong, then I did something wrong. But every time I fully commit to this approach, I wind up gaslit and controlled, and I wind up ultimately hurting them and others in unconscious ways, because their treatment of me has inhibited my capacity for empathy. And this is in fact how I was ever abused in the first place. By accepting it from others, and twisting how I operate to fall in line with what they say. By thinking less of myself and hating myself just because they do. And the only reason I have consistently avoided abusing others, is because I've been able to recognize this and break out of it before I cause any conscious harm. To remember that I don't have to hate myself. That I can advocate for myself and my needs at the same time that I respect others' needs and boundaries.

Guilt is a very complex emotion. Its purpose is to spark empathy for a perceived predator. If you've hurt someone, or hurt yourself, the reason you express guilt is to show that you want to improve, in order to garner empathy. It's like taking an advance loan out on the empathy of someone you've hurt--even when it's yourself. But if that loan is approved, and you're given empathy, and you just keep expressing more guilt instead of improving... you're showing that all you actually plan to do is just keep taking empathy from them with no intention of paying it back. And we call that an emotional vampire. And it gets in the way of changing, because you can't be responsible for getting a job done--changing yourself for the better--if you just keep asking for more before you commit.

Guilt is the enemy of responsibility.

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[skruffie]

I don't think every young person goes through a racism phase. I think young people more often go through "any attention is good attention" phases. "I've been so emotionally stunted I need to keep saying and doing things to feel something" phases. "My cognitive thinking isn't as advanced as its going to be" phases. "My empathy and understanding are still developing" phases. "I'm already a shitty person so I'm going to do shitty things specifically" phases. "I am edgy" phases. That last one, wanting to be edgy, is what keeps coming up and I think something you can really only understand when you're much older is your understanding of "edgy" at 19 is actually wildly offensive at 25, 30, 35, etc. Even when you already know at 19 its bad.

I remember being 19. I didn't have a "saying racist things to get people to laugh" phase because I grew up with a family that taught me from an early age that its wrong to treat people different because of their race. The surrounding community I was in though was a breeding ground for homophobia, so as a kid I had a "watch out for that teacher because she's a lesbian" phase. This morphed into a "I can't look at anybody in the locker room" phase. I'm not homophobic. I had my less cognitive brain phase, less understanding phase, less empathy phase. This was childhood. In young adulthood, and even now, my phase is recovering people pleaser. This can look like bending over backwards for approval, overextending myself, and trying to mask heavily in groups and communities that aren't perfect. The thing is, in regards to racism, we have the default: being white in America gives you this sense of racism you grapple with forever. This looks different for everyone.

We're (white people) are all racist. Thats the thing. Are we all actively racist, in the saying slurs way? Not all of us. A lot of white people are openly racist that way. Others used to be and have changed for the better. The default is that we are still racist but after the empathy and understanding and cognition develop, after we realize "fuck, that was racist", after we start to look at the work and do the work and keep doing the work and grow into More Empathy phases, more understanding phases, and out of the phases of still socially developing... what do we do with our old self?

The answer for some is, still, not giving a flying fuck about how much internal work. social development, empathy, understanding, and growth it takes to go "that was me, that was fucked up and it was wrong". I'm not talking about the justified feelings of betrayal and hurt. I'm talking about the same thing I've been talking about for ELEVEN YEARS about how we collectively handle "discourse".

Something that should have been a call for accountability over a songwriter openly saying racist things in her young adulthood has spiraled into digging up things unrelated to the racism. It turned into such a cluster fuck of transphobia in tandem that it's forced her to talk about trauma (another pattern I've seen multiple times over the last decade).

When can we exit our fucking goddamn phase of "no apology is ever enough and the years of commitment to be better never matter"? When can we exit the "what accountability will we accept?" phase? When will we exit the "making further accusations so fucked that it forces someone to talk about being a rape survivor" phase?

And because I know what happens next, which is wilfully misunderstanding the message here, its not a justification to make it all okay. It's an explanation. The early years of adulthood are not a magic transformation where suddenly you have a vast understanding, true and deep understanding, of the hurt you can cause other people. You are more responsible for your actions and words. You may not fully grasp that power or precisely how hurtful you can be. At 19 I knew racism was bad and that slurs are violent, but I sure as shit didn't grasp how deeply racist our society is.

Also, when you're 19? You're kind of stupid.

No really.

You only just graduated high school a year or two before. A lot of people are not independent of their families and communities at 19. When youre immersed still in communities that are harmful where the only humor accepted is hurtful and that's all you know how to do even if you know it's bad... put the pieces together. Explanation, not justification.

Stop forcing rape survivors to talk about their rape. Hold people accountable for when they've caused harm, but (especially if you're like, not directly impacted by it) don't white knight and be willing to accept that apologies can be genuine.

[your-turn-to-role]

is there a canon reason why percy and vex broke up? did tal or laura ever say why exactly?

not to my knowledge? they mentioned a lot about the secret wedding, but the break up was mentioned offhand in the campaign wrap-up talks machina, when they were asked if there was anything anyone did during the year off that never came up in the campaign

i will say though that in quite a few talks machinas tal and laura talk about perc'ahlia like a celebrity relationship (or specifically say "yeah we're one of those couples"), and that's a thing you tend to see fairly often with celebrities that end up in tabloids - they have a complicated life, they break up and get back together quite a bit, so i think part of it is tal and laura having fun playing that drama and letting them be those disaster celebrities

if you want my speculation on an in-canon reason though? i think the commitment freaked them out

like vex has always had issues surrounding stability, she's not had it in her life since she was a little kid, and she's just made excuses to herself her whole life that she's fine because she doesn't want stability - she just wants her brother and to keep moving and to never have to worry about putting down roots or forming emotional attachments because it hurts less that way. it's why she gets so jealous and snippy when vax starts showing interest in keyleth, and why she keeps shutting down his attempts to tell her he's moving to zephrah - she can't keep being flighty and only attached to her brother if he wants to settle down with someone else

as much as she loves percy, and they're good for each other, we know from the grey hunt trial that the idea of settling down with him scares her, because it's new, and because it means for the first time in a long time she has something to lose

percy is almost the opposite, he lost his entire family once already and he doesn't ever want to do that again. it's why he gets so vicious when scanlan leaves, because vox machina is his new family, and no one's allowed to tear that apart again (also why we get the really tentative "i know we don't always agree and i know i can be unkind, but... you know you're family, right?" to grog immediately after)

but a relationship is a whole new step, he trusts vex about as much as he does anyone, but this isn't just trusting her with his anger issues, or trusting her with his city, this is trusting her with the future, with his future, with always being around. i don't think he's confident enough to believe she loves him that much, that anyone could, and if he lets himself take that step fully, he has so much more to lose if something happens like it did last time

so it's all well and good when the relationship is new, when they're still trying things out, when it's flirty and it doesn't have to be serious if they don't want it to

even in moments where it's emotionally heavy, like percy's resurrection, it's still new and in the moment, they're not looking past what's immediately in front of them

(and even after that heavy moment, vex got nervous percy didn't like her back and decided to push it all to the back of her brain and not think about it - vax straight up told her to go chase him bc she deserved to be happy and she instead got drunk and changed the subject)

but then the fighting's over. they're not worried about their lives every day. no one died, they're both still here. and it starts to sink in with them that this isn't going anywhere. that this can be their forever, if they choose it. and that scares both of them, and when they get scared they tend to either wall themselves off or lash out, and both would cause a schism in their relationship. and then one day it turns into an argument and in the heightened emotion one of them says they should break up and the other agrees

and now they're emotionally safe, because if they cause the relationship to end on their terms it can't be pulled away from them unexpectedly

but they're not actually happy

and maybe they come to that realisation on their own, more likely they talk about it with their friends and vax and keyleth tell them they're being idiots

and then the question is what to do about it

it's possible they went slowly back into it

or, since we know their first marriage proposals were a dare, maybe they weren't even together again yet

i could see that being exactly the sort of thing they'd do if they wanted to get back together but they didn't want to be the first one to admit that they wanted to

skip the dating phase we already did that i dare you to marry me

and maybe they talk about it much later, maybe they don't

but i think by the time they got to the marriage, they'd realised they wanted this to be more than a casual thing, and it's still probably scary, but there's no one else they'd trust to get them through that fear and come out the other side

[candlecoo]

So I saw the last anon ask about AU's dear to you but aren't asked about a lot. I wanna know more about them, if you're interested and okay with it.

Yeah of course!

Change your Reality:

- after the fight with All Might, Afo and the doctor try to go to Izuku's supposedly secret location so he can change the reality of the fight and fix Afo's face.

- only to discover that Izuku is gone, kidnapped by the heroes.

- Which only adds to Afo's hatred of All Might.

- meanwhile Izuku is having a blast! He hasn't been awake this long in over 200+ years!

- All Might and Eraserhead as well as alot of the other heroes are completely taken by the kid.

- and since he has little control of his extremely powerful quirk he is taken in as a ward of UA.

Ghost story

- while Izuku is mostly a solo vigilante to begin with he does get taken in by Koichi and his group.

- much to Eraserhead's frustration cause he's trying to take the kid out of the vigilante life not give him a vigilante support system!!!

- which at first seems like it might be a good thing, the three are helping him with his quirk and for the first time in his life he has friends!

- but the enable him to even more reckless life endangering things!!!

- which does lead to alot of misfortune events later on...

Enhancement

- even though he is a villain, Izuku thinks he has the moral high ground.

- he's not going out looking to commit acts of terror, no he is getting retribution.

- and if he has to go against heros to do so he will.

- and while he thinks he's morally better than other villains he has no problem doing things like let's just say kidnapping his target if he has to, not that he was planning to from the start no way! It just kinda happened, oops.

- but yes he is so sarcastic and sassy.

The Depths of Darkness

- after visiting the witch and obtaining the means for Izuku to become human, Inko puts the seed of fear of returning to the ocean into Izuku.

- Inko convinces her son that if he was to return that some catastrophe would occur.

- so as much as he loves the sea he refuses to be near it while he's on land.

- Izuku has trouble filtering what he's saying.

- "my home is lovely with kel- I mean trees miles high!!"

- originally it was just him and Uraraka traveling together but then Izuku accidentally saves prince Todoroki who was being held captive.

- then on out even when the prince's knight, Shoto refuses to leave the two travelers!

- which is concerning since only Uraraka knows that Izuku is a mer!

- mer's are usually only able to stay on land for two days before having to return to the water to rehydrate.

- but thanks to Izuku's magic sea glass amulet he is able to stay in human form forever(or at least until he's emerges himself in water) but that's only if he's wearing the amulet. As soon as he takes it off he reverts back to a mer.

- the same works in reverse! If a human wore the amulet they would become a mer for as long as they wore it!!

Inuyasha au

- Izuku has naturally white hair in this au, and has no idea when he loses his powers cause his hair is dyed green so it doesn't change!

- Hisashi (Afo) has revived his brother through his bone and grave soil and has him trapped far away.

- UA is a collective human and demon village that lives in relative peace.

- Todoroki is a half hellfire half ice demon who is fascinated with humans and refuses to get near them in fear of hurting them!

- but Izuku helps him overcome that fear and realize that he can control his power so he doesn't hurt them!

- Izuku is 100 % sure he is fully human, everyone else is not quite as convinced.

- Inko's friend Yagi is trying his best to help her son but it's not easy! Izuku keeps getting kidnapped left and right, cause he is basically the shikkon jewel since it fused into him!!

As for my Kitsune au, I got some asks for that one in my box so I'll leave off here!