#chapter 4 class 12 maths

[jirsungs]

NO IDEA ☆ l.dh

pairing: loser!donghyuck x fem!reader

no idea synopsis: a story where both you and lee donghyuck seem to get what you want. he's the perfect pawn in making your ex-boyfriend jealous and the smarty pants tutor helping you pass your math class. donghyuck has it easy too, he's finally able to seek out and experience the world of dating through you, his long-devoted crush and surprisingly enthusiastic tutoring student. but then again, when meaningless tutoring sessions soon evolve into reciprocated feelings, is it really that easy?

genre: college au, nonidol au, fake dating au, social media au (includes written chapters), classmates to friends to lovers, he's a nerd & she's a popular cheerleader (you see where this is going), he fell first but she fell harder trope, kinda based off to all the boys i've loved before, fluff, crack/humor, angst, one-sided pining that turns into mutual pining

warnings: explicit language, unrealistic college partying, talks about family issues (this does NOT reflect any of the idol's families!), yuqi has an ex gf, some alcohol consumption, kys and sexual humor, bullying, hyuck and his buds are mistreated ☹️, hyunjin is a bad bf!!!, cheesy af, unrequited love, bad insults that sound like they're from the 2000s, HELLA miscommunication

no idea playlist: btr's no idea, taylor swift's you belong with me, the vamps + demi lovato's somebody to you, james arthur's can i be him, ariana grande's daydreamin, fitz & the tantrums' out of my league, shawn mendes' treat you better, bruno mars' just the way you are, lonely god's marlboro nights, the 1975's i'm in love with you, sam smith's like i can, arctic monkeys' wanna be yours

author's note: FIRST HYUCK SMAUU! how we feeling 😏 i needed to get this idea out of my system! plus, i love this type of trope, and haechan just fits the nerdy role 😭 I HAD TO! but happy reading :D <3

comment if you wish to be tagged for the story's updates!

profiles: "ncu freaks" + jeno 🤔 | gal pals & two men

intro. #manifestationiskey 🩷

ep 1. but a FAILING?

ep 2. i guess i'm her tutor

ep 3. WHY IS HE ATTRACTIVE

ep 4. COUGH y/n bag him COUGH

ep 5. i know i can treat youuu bettterr

ep 6. YNHYUCK PLOT IS FINALLY SAILING!

ep 7. bro texts with his 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 𝓪𝓵𝓹𝓱𝓪 mode on 🐺👅

ep 8. bro fumbled HARD 🤦‍♂️

ep 9. LET THE BOY LIVE!! HES IN LOVE!!

ep 10. THE HARD LAUNCH GOES CRAZY

ep 11. lemme guess, fake boyfriend responsibilities? (written)

ep 12. jeno got me up... plotting

ep 13. AMAZING fake boyfriend

ep 14. meeting the ncu freaks? (written)

ep 15. #1 worldwide bitch

ep 16.

ep 17.

ep 18.

more to come. . .!

started: 09/06/24 finished:

© JIRSUNGS. ANY TRANSLATIONS/REPOSTS/PUBLISHES OF MY WORKS ON ANY PLATFORM ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED! ALL COMMENTS, REBLOGS, LIKES, & FEEDBACK ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU, MWA! <3

[stove-top96]

Wicked Game

Ch. 00

Y Batfam x GN Reader

featuring: platonic Tim Drake.

1.3k words

It’s been a hot minute. I broke my hand snowboarding, then had tests. The writing for this one is significantly better, I’m taking a creative writing class for extra credits and decided to try something new with how I formate my chapters. I’ll be posting a chapter to both my story and my concept soon. This idea has just been in my head and the story I have planned out is exciting.

Prologue -> Ch. 01

Class Schedule

1st period: Art

2nd period: Maths

12:00 - 13:00: Lunch

3rd period: biology

4th period: English

3:50 Dismissal

4:00 - 6:00: Basketball practice

(Friday 5:00 -> Basketball game)

You twirl your pencil between your fingers, lazily watching as everyone else scribbles notes, following the math equation Mr. Snyder is rambling on about. It’s been ten minutes on the same question, and you’ve checked out about thirty minutes ago. Not that it’s Mr. Snyder’s fault—Gotham Prep has the best teachers. It’s just maths has never been your thing. It’s 2 weeks into the new semester and you're already falling behind. Probably not a great start.

You glance up at the clock—11:53. Ugh. Lunch can’t come soon enough. Mr. Snyder’s voice makes time drag on and on. You dash out of the classroom the moment the bell rings and head straight to Brandi’s locker.

“Girl, I’m literally gonna lose it. I can’t handle these people, they’re insane,” you spill out, frustration pouring from you. Rants like these have become more frequent.

“Tell me about it,” Brandi shoots back, her voice sharp with annoyance. “I’ve never met people so out of touch with reality. These pretentious assholes.” She grits her teeth. “How are they even real?”

You nod, walking together towards the cafeteria. Brandi continues her rant, but it’s nice—almost comforting—to know someone else feels the same way. She’s the only other Scholarship student in the grade—your only friend.

Lunch is its own endeavour. Students give weird looks as you two eat your packed food. The two of you learned very quickly that these kids were in a league of their own, and didn’t take too kindly to outsiders.

As you and Brandi talk mindless gossip, lunch flies by. biology’s next it’s your favourite. There’s nothing better than Mrs. Young’s lectures. She’s able to bring life to the lessons, and the material has a way of sticking.

Heading to class a little early you grab a seat near the back. It’s the only table without another person there. Mrs. Young tends to be late to class, so what better way to pass time than to scroll on your phone. Engrossed in TikTok a voice snaps you back into reality.

“Mind if I sit here”

Glancing up from your phone, you recognize the face almost instantly— you’d be stupid not to— Tim drake. Dark brown hair, bright blue eyes and a ‘pretty boy’ face. He’s practically the ‘it boy’ of the school, popular, friendly, and stupid rich. There’s still plenty of other open seats around the class. Probably beside people he’s better acquainted with. But he wants to sit with you? “Sure” you shrug, not like you were gonna talk to the guy.

The bell rings for the end of lunch, Mrs. Young still hasn’t shown up. The silence between you two is suffocating, even inside the room filled with mindless chatter.

“I’m Tim by the way” his introduction was meant to ease the awkwardness. He knew that you knew who he was. “y/n” you answer, praying the teacher will walk in, anything to get you out of this conversation.

”you’re on the basketball team right? You got in on an athletic scholarship?” He asked, ignoring the way you slump into your seat. “Yep” you mumble. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for students to recognize who’s on scholarship and who isn’t—especially athletes. But for him to know you're on the Basketball team 2 weeks into the school year— Kinda weird. But questioning him would mean talking to him, and you weren’t gonna engage.

Before the silence could get too awkward Mrs. Young walks in, and begins the lesson. The lymphatic system. It wasn’t your weakest subject but definitely not your strongest. Today is especially hard. Mrs. Young is unusually keen on racing through as much of the topic as possible.

You rush to write notes and keep up with the teacher but before you’ve even finished 1 sentence she’s erasing the board. Sighing in defeat, you slump back into your chair. Maybe if you just listen to the teacher you’ll be able to grasp most concepts? you’ll just scan through the textbook after practice.

Tim must’ve noticed your defeat, because a moment later he slides over his notebook. God, even his handwriting is perfect. Copying down the rest of his notes.

“thanks.” You mumble, he nods with a subtle smirk on his face.

The next 45 minutes follow the same pattern—you write down as much as, then copy the rest from Tim, and repeat.

It's only until Mrs. Young claps her hands together. The loud sound grabbed everybody’s attention “We finally get to start our first group project of the semester!” Her excitement is met with groans from the class. “because I don’t want you guys to get too comfortable I took the liberty of choosing your partners”. Your stomach drops. Not that you knew anyone here it was still obvious who would make a good partner and who wouldn’t.

As Mrs Young lists off names you don’t recognize “y/n l/n” your head perks up. “And Tim Drake”. Fuck. Your stomach twists. You really didn’t want to go with him. Sure, he’s nice enough to share his notes for sure but he’s still Tim Drake, it’d be much less drama to avoid him.

Tim didn’t even bother hiding his smirk. “The project must be a poster of any negative or positive feedback loop. Be sure to discuss details with your partners. I won’t be giving much class time, so plan accordingly”

The bell rang signaling the end of class, and you were quick to pack up and get out. The sooner you’re gone the better.

“So how do you want to do this?” Tim asked as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. “I don’t really care. you pick”

gym’s next, so you should leave as soon as you can. “Let’s work on it tomorrow after your basketball game. We can choose our topic together,” he answered.

Great, now you’re gonna have to spend your evening with the guy. “My game will probably take 2 hours,” you said. That should probably be enough to get him to back off.

“I’ll watch, I like basketball” you raise a brow. “I guess” you shrug.

The rest of the day blurred together— same mind numbing stories in English, same repetitive drills in practice. By the time it’s all over you’re already on the subway heading home. A wave of exhaustion falls over you.

Unlocking the Door to the empty apartment, you want nothing more than to crash into your bed and doom scroll for the rest of the night. Still you figure you should eat something and take a quick shower first.

Scanning the fridge and cupboards like expected there isn’t much. With a sigh you grabbed a box of cereal and poured a bowl before heading to the bathroom to shower.

The evening passed uneventfully. You weren’t expecting your mother to be back anytime soon, so it was just the quiet hum of the apartment.

A buzz from your phone snapped you back to reality.

<Unknown Number>

Hey y/n it’s Tim Brandi gave me your number for the project.

You roll your eyes. Why would Brandi do that? It's totally unlike her. Tim must’ve been persistent. Hovering over the message you debated answering or not. After a beat you typed back.

<Y/N>

Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow then.

Short and simple, Tim probably won’t send another message. With a sigh you put your phone on silent, and roll over to finally get some sleep. Once you get through this project you’ll never have to talk to him again.

little did you know the project will be the least of your worries.

[johnwickb1tsch]

lessons in anatomy

a yandere art professor Wick x drawing model muse! reader AU...

CHAPTER MAP-> part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13 part 14 part 15 part 16

I.

-You’re a favorite amongst the studio art students at the university where you model. Not because of your looks, but because of your exceptional ability at sitting still. When you retreat inside your mind and you’re sitting in a position that doesn’t have any pinch points, you can go a solid hour without moving a muscle. 

-Maybe it helps, that you were once an art student too. You’ve studied the classical positions immortalized by the greats. The drama of the Renaissance martyrs to the quiet repose of the Impressionists to the silent anguish of the Pre Raphaelites. You do a damn good Odalisque, if you don’t say so yourself.

-You’ve been doing this for a while, and you’re pretty comfortable with it. That is, until you walk into the first day of Figure Drawing 101 to find the most handsome man you’ve ever seen behind the desk–decidedly not the usual portly, gray-haired, female professor who hired you years ago. He is tall, and dark, with soulful black eyes that make your lady parts ache. It’s incredibly embarrassing when your mitt veritably disappears in his in a cordial handshake (good lord, what poetic, long-fingered hands!) and you almost forget your own name. 

-He is incredibly gracious about your impression of a goldfish at feeding time. Undoubtedly, he’s used to this effect he has on women. Deep down, he must be laughing at you, and this more than anything helps you get a grip as you disappear into your little supply closet to change. 

-You emerge in your pretty paisley-print robe that sweeps the floor, and you realize you haven’t been nervous about taking off your clothes in class since your very first day on this job. Your palms are actually sweating, as you perch on the model stand with your legs crossed, watching him out the corner of your eye. He is stupidly dapper, in a dark tweed suit and tie. His hair swings down into his eyes as he reads something on his desk, and you’re not proud of what you would give for the privilege to run your fingers through that fluffy dark hair. 

-Thoroughly disgusted with yourself, you’re grateful when it’s time for class to begin. You’re surrounded by young adults who are [mostly] eager to learn with charcoal in hand. All eyes are on you, but its Professor Wick’s eyes you feel like a weight on your skin when the robe slides from your shoulders. You are so glad you can blame the air conditioning for your state of…attention. 

-You start with quick warm ups, then some five minute studies, and finally an extended pose with small breaks in between. When the kids take a break in the middle of the three hour period you slide back on your robe and make a round of the room, perusing the sketches. You can already tell who will be at the top of the class, but also who has potential for improvement if they work hard and practice. And some…better be good at math, because art is not their thing.

You do not hear him behind you, until he speaks. “I'm not sure how your clavicle could be at that angle…unless it was broken in two places.” You cover your smile with your hand as you glance back over your shoulder at him, a hot blush spreading like wildfire up your neck for some ridiculous reason. 

Mere proximity, you fear.

“Maybe their professor will set them straight.”

He chuckles with a charming self-deprecation that you find painfully endearing, scrubbing the back of his neck. 

“I like to see where everyone stands on the first day. I promise that lessons in anatomy will be forthcoming.” He only meets your eyes for a bare second as he tells you this, but you are astonished you do not spontaneously combust.

TBC...

___

pinterest board/photo credits

[lomahdu]

Nothing more

☀︎—pairings:keum!seongje x oc!character

☀︎—warnings:swearing, i think that's it?

☀︎—Lena's note:Guys i'm writing this while pulling an all nighter and i have school like in 1 hour so i'm stressing, anyways my point is that i'm sorry if there's any mistakes.Pls don't be a ghost reader and comment

☀︎—word count:1378

☀︎—Chapter!2; Chapter!3; Chapter!4

I walked into the classroom and took my usual seat at the second-to-last desk, right in front of my best friend, Haeri.

“What the hell, girl—your hair is… let’s say, disgusting,” she said, staring at the failed heatless curls I had tried to hide in a messy bun.

I gave her a tight, definitely-not-friendly smile. “Thanks. I hadn’t noticed,” I said dryly, pulling out my textbooks and the book I was currently reading. I always carry at least one book with me, no matter where I go. The one sitting on my desk today was The Crimson Moth by Kristen Ciccarelli.

“Dude, TikTok betrayed me,” I groaned, clearly frustrated about my hair.

“What did you use to curl it?” Haeri asked.

“Socks,” I replied. She immediately frowned.

“Um, I use socks too and mine turns out fine. Sooo… the problem is definitely you.”

Before I could clap back, our teacher walked into the room.

“Miss Yoon and Miss Park, could you save the personal chats for later?” the teacher asked sharply.

I turned to face the front as she started writing math problems on the board. I looked at the equation and understood absolutely nothing. Not even a hint. Where the hell is Sieun when I need him?

[timeskip]

Haeri and I were sitting at one of the lunch tables. On my tray: plain white rice, an apple, and egg rolls. On Haeri’s tray: kimchi, bulgogi, and rice.

She took a bite of her kimchi and shook her head. “Girl, I really don’t understand how you don’t like kimchi.”

“I just don’t like spicy food,” I shrugged.

“Mhm,” she said, clearly judging me.

We ate in silence for a bit, so I decided to break it.

“Some dude followed me on insta" I said, opening Instagram on my phone. I pulled up the profile of sjkeum_07 and held my phone up to show her.

“Do you know him?” I asked, since Haeri usually knows more people than I do.

The moment she saw the screen, she nearly choked.

“You’re fucking with me, right?” she said, eyes wide.

“What do you mean?” I asked, a bit confused .

“He’s a manwhore. And a bully. Some people even say he got himself involved with a gang.”

“Yikes… do you have any pictures of him?” I asked.

Haeri shot me a sharp look. “Sooah.”

“Haeri,” I replied with the same tone.

“Look, it’s pointless. He’s probably just interested in fucking you.”

“Hey, hey, hey, who said I even want anything with him? I just saw his hand, okay? It was hot. Like, really hot. I got curious. That’s all.” I said defensively.

“Fine. I’ll pretend to believe you. And no, I don’t have any pictures of him,” she said, shoving a spoonful of rice in her mouth.

I dropped the topic and took a bite of my egg roll. We finished lunch and got up to return our trays. I glanced at my phone. 12:26 PM. We still had about 20 minutes before our next class.

As we walked down the hallway, I asked, “You’re still coming with me to the bookstore, right?”

“Do I even have a choice?” she asked.

“Of course not,” I grinned and we continued toward our classroom.

[timeskip]

Our last class ended, and we started packing up. I was already done, but Haeri was texting someone.

“Come on, hurry up! Quick!” I whined. I was way too excited to get to the bookstore and buy some new books.

“Okay, okay! Chill,” she said, putting her phone away to pack her things.

We left the school together. The bookstore I usually go to is only about a 10-minute walk from campus.

While walking, Haeri decided to say, “You know, maybe you should put the books down and go touch some grass.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, looking at her confused.

“I mean, it’s kinda weird for a 17-year-old to never go out or have had a boyfriend,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“I do go out, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, trying to play it off.

She gave me a Seriously? kind of look.

“If you think going out means just school and the bookstore, you’re worse off than I thought. I bet you even make Sieun buy you pads and tampons because the convenience store is ‘too far’.”

“Dude!” I said, scrunching up my face. She burst out laughing.

We reached the bookstore and went inside. I immediately made my way to the dark romance section, and of course, Haeri followed me.

“Porn books, huh?” she said with a raised eyebrow. “Again?”

“First of all, it’s not again. I read other genres too. I’m just in the mood for something dark right now,” I defended myself.

“Oh yeah? What other genres?” she challenged.

“Fantasy romance… and sometimes I read classics,” I replied.

“Classics?” she laughed. “Name at least three classic authors you’ve actually read.”

“Kafka and Nabokov. Not three, but they count. And they are classics, so you lose,” I snapped back, going back to browsing the shelves.

Twenty minutes later, she groaned, “How much is this gonna take?”

I looked at her, holding four books in my arms. “Ehh… I think I’m done.”

I went to the register and paid 49,000 KRW for my books. We left the store together. Our houses are kind of close, so we walked in the same direction.

We were turning a corner when I suddenly bumped into—no, not a wall—a person.

I looked up and saw a guy around my age, probably about 6’0”.

“Shit, watch where the fuck you’re going, ,” he hissed, but then his eyes landed on my face. “Oh hey, I follow you on Instagram,” he said, pointing at me, finger almost jabbing into my chest, smiling in this weirdly amused way.

Okay? That’s a super weird thing to say. I stared at him, not recognizing him at all. He had black hair, glasses, and a mole under his left eye.

“Umm… okay?” I replied, unsure how to react to being “followed.” Thanks for the info, I guess?

He gave me a slight, borderline-creepy smile and just walked past me like that wasn’t the most awkward encounter ever.

“Weirdo,” I muttered under my breath and kept walking.

Haeri nudged me hard. “Do you know who that was?” she asked with a tone that screamed You’re the dumbest person alive.

“Umm, clearly not?” I said.

“That’s the guy you asked me about earlier,” she said.

Wait—hot hand guy?!

“Ohhh,” I muttered. “Well… he is kinda cute,” I added under my breath.

“I swear to God I’m gonna hit you,” she warned, and I laughed.

When I got home, it was 5:37 PM. Nobody else was there—neither my mom nor my brother. Finally, some alone time.

About an hour later, I heard the front door open. I was in the kitchen eating noodles when my brother walked in, dropped his bag on the counter, and poured himself a glass of water. I noticed the slight bruise on his cheek and the cut on his lip.

“Did you get in a fight?” I asked with a mouth full of noodles.

He just looked at me and said, “No.”

“Mhm, then why do you look like you fell into a bush?”

Sieun explained how he had seen Juntae getting beaten up for returning the phones he stole so he stepped in because it reminded him of Beomseok.Kindw weird to be honest, cause i hate that guy

All I could say was, “I was at the bookstore today. I could’ve bought you a pen or two. Sharp ones.”

“That’s not funny,” he replied.

I raised my hands like okay, okay, and added, “Just don’t stab me with a pen, alright?”

He gave me that bitch, wtf look.

It was almost 10 PM, and I decided to stalk Hot Hand. From Haeri, I found out his name was Keum Seongje, so I searched him up on Facebook.

Turns out, he goes to Ganghak High School. His birthday is listed as April 13, 2007—if that’s even his real birthdate. Most people put fake ones anyway.

I left my phone on my nightstand to charge and passed out almost instantly.

[a3r3n]

from the Chasing Cupid series

Nct High Stories presents…

All About You

A Sungchan x reader story

“I want to make you stay”

🌼Pairing: Sungchan x girl!reader

🌼Status: ongoing

🌼Summary: Sungchan has a huge crush on Y/N, the school’s it-girl and co-captain of the Nct High Cheerleading Team, and all of his friends know this. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem interested in him; actually, she doesn’t seem interested in any boys at all. Everything changes, though, when her Maths teacher threatens her that she would fail his class if she doesn’t get her grades up and suggests she ask Sungchan for help since he’s his class's best student. Will he be able, with his sweetness and charms (and a little bit of meddling from his friends), to warm her stone-cold heart and win her trust?

🌼Genre: social media!AU / high school!AU / fluff / crack / angst

⚠️Warnings: ignore timestamps, slight cursing, the serious ones will be added later in the chapters that contain them

✰Chasing Cupid Series✰

A/N (⚠️disclaimer): alright guys I’m so happy about this smau, it might be my favorite until now!! Btw, this is the fourth social media au I’ve written for the Chasing Cupid series, although you don’t necessarily have to read the previous ones to understand the story. It’s about Sungchan, and since I initially started this series when he was still in Nct, I decided to keep him in the stories as I did with Shotaro. This is also the reason why the main focus are Nct members and not Riize, even tho some of them could be mentioned sometimes. This said, enjoy the story!!!

🌼Taglist (open): @gukuwii @grassbutneo @t-102 @pxnklover @bbykaixx @yuyita-rosier @multifandomania @the-phantomss @mora134340

🌼Chapters:

[intro pt.1]: the cheerleaders / [intro pt.2]: the boys

[1] ➪ no uniform will be set on fire

[2] ➪ I love it when she’s bossy

[3] ➪ jumping off of the pyramid

[4] ➪ only say smart things

[5] ➪ the most perfect creature on earth

[6] ➪ Lee Donghyuck don’t you dare

[7] ➪ Zafina moves

[8] ➪ Sungchan has gone mad

[9] ➪ like Sirius

[10] ➪ life on Mars

[11] ➪ girl is serious

[12] ➪ character development

[13] ➪ international freak show ✍🏼

[14] ➪ didn't wanna punch him

[15] ➪ operation simping to loving

[16] ➪ judge I plead not guilty

[17] ➪ an admirer who can't give up

[TBA]

©a3r3n All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy, repost or translate any of my works.

[brain-gains]

Day 12 of better me✨

Today (16-1-25)I studied 6 hours 30 mins. Today i woke up late at 9:30 am.Then had 2 hrs study session where I completed ◑Chemistry chapter 1 ◑Math Hw.

Then after 3 back to back classes I came home and after being lazy for hours, I sat at 8 pm and completed ; ◑chemistry class note review. ◑Math 9(B), note (22 pages 🥲)

And that's all take almost 4 am. Although wanted to do a all nighter but had class at 10 am🥹

[zialltops]

East Side Of Sorrow

Word Count: 76,093

Chapters: 16/22

Rating: Explicit

Warnings/tags: Minor underage, no piv till 18, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, loss of virginity, older man/younger woman, reader is 17-18, Joel is 49-50, asphyxiation, voyeurism, face slapping, knife play, mask wearing, somnophilia, breeding kink, slow burn, murder mystery

Summary: It started at one of two points when you were sixteen, but for the life of you, you cant recall which came first. All you know, is a defining moment led you to the stark realization that you didn’t like the boys you sat beside in math class, weren’t interested in the seniors on the football field under Friday night lights—you didn’t want to dance with a boy at your high school prom, or have your first kiss under the bleachers.

You wanted a man.

Chapter List & Links

1. Summertime’s Close

2. Hey Driver

3. Fear & Fridays

4. Spotless

5. Ticking

6. Tourniquet

7. Smaller Acts

8. Jakes Piano - Long Island

9. Jakes Piano - Long Island (Part 2)

10. Tradesman

11. Nine Ball

12. Deep Satin

13. Sarah’s Place

14. Darling

15. The Outskirts

16. The Good I'll Do

✨spotify link here✨

[noiriarti]

The Arrangement: Armitage Hux x Reader (College AU) Ch. 3

Summary: A cuddle-buddies-to-lovers college AU.

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, [Ch. 3], Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6

Chapter 3: Four Knocks

He felt even more fucked the next morning. He had promised himself he would not fall asleep with you there, and instead spend the night on the couch. But he wanted five more minutes. And so he five-more-minutes-ed his way into falling asleep remarkably quickly. Unlike most other nights, he didn't wake up tossing and turning, or stare at the ceiling and beg for sleep to come. But that was a problem.

When he woke up, it wasn't to his blaring alarm clock. The room was silent, apart from the sound of your breathing. Right. Your breathing. He was in bed. With you. Maybe five more minutes wouldn't hurt. As he drifted off, he saw the clock he kept on his desk. It was fucking noon.

Armitage had very regimented days, and sleeping in until noon was not part of the plan. He usually loved days crammed with activities and tasks. They kept him on target, made sure he achieved all his goals, and prevented him from thinking too carefully about what he really wanted in life. Today, however, he found himself wanting to do none of his usual routine. He'd already slept through orgo and the gened he shared with Phasma--did it really matter if he didn't do his stupid MCAT flashcards?

After laying there for over half an hour, in and out of sleep while still holding you, he decided he should probably wake you. The very thought seemed cruel; you were so angelic like this, the frizzes in your hair caught by the morning light, your lips parted just so. Your hand had gotten under his at some point in the night, and he tentatively rubbed a gentle circle with his thumb over your knuckles. 

But he really should wake you, he reasoned. Armitage said your name and squeezed your hand (and decided not to process that he was holding your hand), but you didn't shift. He repeated himself, louder this time, and then again, which drew a groan from you.

"I'm up, I'm up," you grumbled. You shifted under his arm, turning around to face him with your eyes still closed. He found himself almost smiling at you, so clearly pretending.

"Alright, then open your eyes," he teased. You produced some sort of noise, obviously displeased, but opened your eyes to look at him.

"The good news is you got plenty of sleep, but the bad news is that it's 12:30," he said. Your eyes widened, and you bolted upright in bed and cursed, looking for your phone, or a clock, or something to prove him wrong. He was, unfortunately, completely correct, which meant that you had missed one class, and half of another. Goodbye, sweet attendance points.

"Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. Besides, I'm in Discrete Math and Algorithms with one of my friends, Dopheld, and he can send me the notes," you said. The silence hung between you for a few seconds. "Want some breakfast? I mean, lunch? ...Brunch?" Armitage nodded, and you hopped out of his bed to go back to your room and change.

Ten minutes later, he found you in the kitchen, making yourself an obscenely large bowl of Lucky Charms. You offered the box to him, and he hesitated. Usually, he ate two cups of Greek yogurt with rolled oats, a teaspoon of honey, and fruit, if someone else hadn't eaten it already. Lucky Charms were calorically inefficient, according to his stepmother Maratelle.

Fuck it. He poured the cereal into the bowl and covered it with milk, then went to perch on the couch. Millie, who had spent the night somewhere around your feet, came up to lay next to him. Gwen had sent him a couple of texts asking where he was, and then just sent her notes when class had ended. While drunk on wine, once, he had bitched to her about how little sleep he got, and, since then, she had been buying him melatonin gummies and encouraging him to sleep through his early morning classes. You deserve it, she said, although Armitage wasn't sure he "deserved" anything, really. Working hard was the entire reason he came here.

You sat down next to him, thighs touching again, and ate your cereal with a vicious speed. By the time you finished, he was barely a quarter of the way through, so you got up and made yourself another bowl. Between mouthfuls, you determined you would be the first to speak.

"So, we should probably talk," you said. Apparently, that was the best you could come up with. 

"Is everything alright?" Hux asked, although he really meant to ask what he did wrong, and beg you to give him one more night. The desperation with which he wanted to touch you, to hold you again was staggering. He didn't remember where it came from, and it shocked him. You didn't seem any the wiser to his generally panicked state, so you continued eating the cereal.

"Yeah, just thought we might want to establish some ground rules. Like, no sex, just cuddling." Armitage nodded. "And we can end at any time one of us wants to." He nodded again. "And we shouldn't tell Gwen and Kylo. They wouldn't let us live it down." Armitage chuckled, but nodded. "Finally, I think we should promise to tell each other if we catch feelings. And just, be honest in general."

"Agreed." The final rule worried him for some reason he couldn't quite place, but he let it go. "Perhaps we could meet later in the night, when Gwen and Kylo are asleep? They tend to sleep earlier than I do, so we could meet around 12:45? Oh, and we do not have to meet each night. Just text me if you want to," he added. You smiled at him, finished your cereal, and the two of you watched garbage Netflix shows for two more hours before going back to work.

And so, your arrangement was born. Most days, he'd get a text from you in the afternoon saying something like "see you tonight?" or "hang out later?" and he knew to expect you. At 12:45 am, almost on the dot, he'd hear it. Tap tap tap tap. Always four, always quiet. What you did each night varied. Sometimes, you wanted to be quiet and rest, but, on others, you'd go through your day and tell him about what had happened in class, and he found himself telling you about his day, too. About how he loved chemistry, but was terrified of med school. Of the responsibility. His medical ethics gened with Gwen was really scaring the bejeezus out of him. 

About three nights in, you turned to him and said that you should get to know each other better. Each of you would ask 5 questions of the other, you said. He answered your questions with ease the first night. Favorite animal? Cats. Duh. Favorite TV show? Doctor Who. Best friend? Gwen, probably. Last time he went on a date? A year ago. Why become a doctor? That one was much harder. Because it felt like the right thing for him to do, he said. Because he liked it.

He asked the same questions right back. Cats, Friends, also probably Gwen, last month, and because the pay is better in computer science. He tried not to dwell on the fact that you had been on a date recently (by his standards). He casually inquired if you were still seeing them, but you told him it didn't go well. He didn't ask more questions about it.

Night over night, though he found your closeness and warmth incredible, he realized he was looking forward to hearing about your day more than anything. The tap tap tap tap on his door meant he'd ask you five questions about you--not just the you that went to classes and put food out for Millie, but the real you. The core of you. One time, when your head was on his chest and he was trying to slow his heart down so you wouldn't hear it, you asked him about his insecurities (how pale he was, that he wasn't smart enough for med school). When he asked you the same question, you listed some that baffled him. What did you mean, your voice? Or your hair? Or that you felt like you were always behind everyone else in class? It broke his heart to hear you speak about yourself like that, which he immediately told you, and regretted. He whispered into the night that you had a great voice, and he thought your hair was very good hair, and that you had literally caught up to the compsci juniors in half a year, so you could be nothing short of brilliant. He didn't see it, but a tear or two slipped out.

A month into your arrangement, Armitage took stock of his life, and realized you probably knew him better than he did. Some mornings, he'd come out of his room and find a bowl with two cups of Greek yogurt with rolled oats, a teaspoon of honey, and strawberries. Just how he liked it. And he would grab you lunch right before the dining halls closed, so that when you arrived ten minutes later after class, you could still have food. 

It was little things that alerted Phasma to whatever you two had going on. The unsubtle mooning eyes Armitage was giving you across the living room were disgusting, but confirmation. You were making he same face at him when he was poring over his books five minutes later, which was doubly disgusting, but double confirmation. It was time to do something about it.

Two days later, when she had left class, Phasma sent a text to the roommate group chat, like she always did around that time. Lunch? Within 5 minutes, Armitage had sent a thumbs up, and you had liked the message. Kylo left it on read, which was Kylo-speak for yes. Thirty minutes later, you were gathered in the Holdo Dining Hall, eating a variety of carbs, as usual. Kylo was giving a replay of something that had happened at their last match (something about their goalman getting hit in the face by the ball?), when Phasma interrupted him with your name. 

"Yeah?" You asked nonchalantly. Gwen smiled like a predator about to catch its prey, mainly because she was.

"I've got some juicy gossip about you," Gwen singsonged. Armitage's head whipped around. He didn't even realize he had been staring at you. Gossip? About you? That was probably about some party you went to. You had skipped last Saturday, and, after surviving the bone-crushing emptiness of his room, you had told Armitage the next night that the party was absolutely insane and featured multiple friends-of-friends making out. His heartbeat accelerated. What if you had kissed someone there?

"I know someone who has a crush on you."

Armitage's heart stopped.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

AN: all four of them share a brain cell, and phasma has it 99% of the time

[itzsephig5]

1 (Starlight)

My Masterlist

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Intro 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Updated Character Info 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Final Character Info

Important info for this chapter:

A phone call is written like this

Y/n's POV:

I sat up on my bed in my dorm room. I rubbed my eyes as I looked around the room. I was exhausted because I had spent most of the night in the campus lab working on a project. I rubbed my eyes before I heard my phone ringing. I let out a groan before looking at my phone and seeing that Wanda was calling me. I answered the phone and put it on speaker. "What do you want?" I grumbled. "Wow. You sound amazing." Wanda tells me. I rolled my eyes. "Did you just wake up or something?" Wanda questioned. "As a matter of fact, I did just wake up." I say. I hear her laugh over the phone. "Wow your sleep schedule sucks." She commented. "I was in the lab most of the night. I had a project to work on." I responded. "That must suck." Wanda says. I just sighed. "What do you want and why are you calling me?" I finally asked. "Oh right." Wanda says. "Did you want to meet me at the cafe? I don't have any missions or anything and I haven't seen you in person in like a month." She asked me. I think about it for a moment. "Sure. I don't really have to do my project today because I basically finished it last night. What time are we going to meet?" I say. "An hour? I have to see if Happy will drive me." Wanda says. "Yeah, in an hour works." I say. "Okay I'll see you in an hour. I love you." She tells me. "I love you too." I say before hanging up my phone.

I finally got off the bed before going to the closet and picking an outfit out for the day. When I finally finished getting ready, I noticed it was around the time that I need to get to the bus stop so I could make it to the cafe in time. I grabbed my bag before walking to the bus stop and getting on the bus. About five minutes later, I made it to the cafe. I walked into the cafe and saw that Wanda was sitting in the corner, away from everyone else, which was understandable. I walked over to where she was sitting at the table before I sat across from her. "Hey, you made it." Wanda says. I nodded my head before I noticed the coffee that was in front of me. "You didn't have to buy me the coffee." I say before taking a sip from it. "Yeah, yeah. Just keep drinking it." She says. I rolled my eyes at that. "How have you been doing? Busy with classes?" Wanda asked me. I nodded my head. "Engineering is completely different from journalism." I commented. "Well, no shit." Wanda responds. I just took another sip of my coffee. "But to be fair, you are like super smart. I mean, you graduated high school at 14, graduated NYU for the first time with a journalism degree at 18 and now you're already a sophomore at NYU for engineering at 21. That's actually insane." Wanda says. I just shrugged. "It's not that hard." I say. Wanda scoffed at that. "Bullshit. I can't even do complex math at all, let alone as quickly as you do. It's crazy." She tells me. "I'm just really good at math." I say. "Uh huh. And what's your IQ again?" Wanda asked. I let out a huff knowing she had me there. "175." I mumbled. "Exactly." She responds. We both sat and caught up with each other. "Why don't you come with me back to the compound. I want to keep hanging out with you, and there are not enough women in that place. It's too much testosterone." Wanda says. I just laughed at the last comment. "I don't know. I think I would feel awkward around everyone." I say. I wasn't completely lying, I would feel awkward, but I had other reasons that I didn't want to go there. "Oh, come on. Please!" Wanda begs. "Everyone is so nice, and I think they would really like you." She adds. I just sighed. "Okay fine, I'll come." I tell her. "Yay!" Wanda says excitedly. I finished my coffee as Wanda finished her drink. "Come on. Happy is waiting in the parking lot for me, and I'm sure he'll be okay driving you as well." Wanda says as she stood up and dragged me to the car. I noticed that it was a fancy car, but I wasn't sure why I was shocked. "Hey Happy!" Wanda says as she gets into the car making sure I also got in. "Who's your friend?" Happy asked her. "Oh, this is Y/n! We've been friends for a while now." She explained. I just waved at the guy. "Well, it's nice to meet you." The man said. I nodded. "You too." I say quietly. I noticed that Happy was looking at me through the rearview mirror, like he was trying to figure me out. "Are you guys ready to go?" He asked us. "Yeah, let's go."

[skzhocomments]

In the Dark - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 12 - Somewhere I belong

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Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

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Chapter 11 | Chapter 13

---

Chapter 12 - Somewhere I belong

chapter word count: ~4.4k words

~Jieun’s POV~

“Okay, kids! That’s all for today. See you tomorrow!” I waved and opened the door of the classroom, watching as parents came and picked up their children.

Just as usual, Nari and I were the last in the room, and I helped her take out some of her books so we could do her homework together until 4 PM, when I would take her to her art classes.

My grandmother’s funeral was two weeks ago, and the days since have brushed over me with such force, I felt like a small boat broken apart by large swells. I was still feeling strange about everything, and wasn’t sure how to keep going further, as there was no longer any final goal for me to reach, anything at stake.

I only moved to this city to take my grandmother to the best hospital in the country, but now that she was gone, what need was there for me to stay here?

I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have any friends, my grandmother was gone.

Why would I stay here?

My eyes absent-mindedly turned to Nari, and I watched her solve her math problems in concentration. The furrow of her brows was really cute, and her resemblance to Minho was uncanny.

I found myself smiling at the thought of the father-daughter duo, and then I felt a pang in my heart, as Minho and I still haven’t addressed the whole In the Dark fiasco. We haven’t spent much alone time together after the funeral, and it felt unnatural to talk about it.

I wasn’t even sure how to broach the subject anyway.

Hey, Minho, I’m a whore! Surprise!

That surely wouldn’t work.

Instead of thinking about it any further, I started helping Nari with the more difficult exercises, and the hours passed by quickly.

“Okay, Nari, it’s time to go to your art classes.” I smiled and stood up, helping her put everything back in her pink backpack.

As if on cue, the door opened just as I said this, and Minho came in the classroom.

“Daddy!” Nari shot up and ran to her father’s arms, and my eyes widened.

“Hi, baby.” He kissed her head. “You ready to go?”

“Are you taking me to art today?!” She asked, her eyes full of surprise.

“Yes, Miss Park and I will take you to your art classes together today.” He replied, and I looked at him confused.

Nari returned to her backpack to finish packing as Minho came towards me.

“I was hoping you’d be free to talk a bit afterwards?”

“Sure.” I nodded, but I felt my chest tighten.

~

“So…” Minho smiled, looking a bit uncomfortable, and I was feeling just as restless.

He took me to a café, so I decided to focus on my coffee cup for the time being, feeling the impending doom his next words would most certainly bring.

“I really wanted to talk to you, but it’s been a bit chaotic with everything going on…” He continued.

“Yeah…”

“And you’ve also avoided my texts and calls like the plague.”

“I… uhm… I didn’t…” I shifted in my seat, unsure of what to say to excuse myself.

He was right, I’ve been avoiding all his attempts of reaching out, simply because I didn’t know how to act around him anymore. I only answered if there was something at stake concerning Nari, but that was pretty much it.

“It’s okay, Jieun. I know you’re probably feeling very awkward…”

“Aren’t you?”

“Not necessarily. You see… I had my doubts about you being Flame for a while. I just wasn’t certain.”

“I also thought you might be Charisma, but it felt like such an absurd thought, that I discarded it pretty much immediately.” I confessed.

“Absurd? How so?”

“Well, uhm… yeah, you’re right. This is really awkward.” I chuckled nervously, but Minho didn’t seem to pick up what I meant from my gestures alone. “I mean, look at you, Minho. You… you have it all. The personality, the looks, the money. You could be with anyone you wanted. Why would you hire a prostitute?”

“Because… I’ve been really scared of any intimacy after my wife passed. I guess I wasn’t ready for any serious relationships. When I found out about this site… I thought it might be good to try something new for a change.”

“Oh.”

“What about you, Jieun? Why were you on there?”

“I needed money for my grandmother’s bills and didn’t know how else to get it. It’s as simple as that. I’m feeling so ashamed right now. You must think I have no morals-”

“Hey.” He placed his hand on top of mine. “I don’t think anything like that about you. In fact, I’m really glad I found out, and that it was you. There’s nothing to feel ashamed about, yeah?”

“Minho, I can’t even look you in the eyes knowing that if you wouldn’t have been my consistent client I would’ve just sold myself to any other man who would’ve paid. It’s so hard to not feel ashamed, guilty even. And you’re glad you found out and that it was me?!”

“Yes. I’m glad because I was also feeling guilty for having feelings for you, Nari’s teacher, and wanting to pursue a relationship with you, while thinking about Flame. So, yes, Jieun, I’m really glad Flame was you the whole time, and it makes so much sense, too.”

“How does it make any sense?”

“Because I’ve always known what I want, or rather, who I want. But this time… damn, the whole situation was messing with my head, because I wanted you both. I’ve fallen for you twice. I started liking you, Flame, from your gestures alone. Remember that time you ‘kissed me’ with your hand on top of my lips? Who does that to show affection while respecting that one request I had, Jieun?”

“I just… it felt right, in that moment.” I averted my gaze.

“So, you also felt it. It wasn’t simply the fact that we were having sex, it was… more.”

“I also… felt confused. I liked Charisma a lot, I was even glad he wanted to keep seeing me because I enjoyed spending time with him. And then we started spending more time together, and I realised I also like you, Minho. I liked spending time with you and Nari, I liked us drinking together, and when you kissed me that night… I wanted to take it further so bad, but… it felt wrong, considering I was selling myself, you know?”

“I see…”

“That’s why I don’t even know what to say to you now. Because if Charisma stopped seeing me, and my grandma would’ve still been alive, I would’ve… I would’ve continued selling myself... to someone else, that wouldn't have been you.”

“That a hypothetical scenario, Jieun.”

“Even so.”

“I would’ve still understood, if you’d told me. Sex for money and sex for love are different things, so how could I be upset that you were a prostitute?”

A prostitute.

It stung.

“Are they that different, though? Because it sure as hell didn’t feel any different when it was Charisma.”

To that, it seemed I shut Minho down for a few moments. Still, he recovered quickly and kept persisting, going back to one of his previous points.

“If we would’ve talked-”

“Then what?” I cut him off. “You’re being too idealistic, Minho.”

“I could’ve still paid you, or-” He started, but stopped as soon as I threw him a look. “Ok, that was a bad thing to say.”

He chuckled awkwardly, and I also laughed briefly, and the air between us shifted from unbearably uncomfortable and suffocating to a bit more easy to breathe.

“The thing is, I really like you, Jieun, and I want to take us further and to be honest about our feelings. I don’t care that you were Flame, and if you also don’t mind that I was Charisma, then what is holding us back?”

His words made my eyes instantly turn back to my now empty coffee cup. I should’ve been happy hearing this, perhaps, but for some reason, his words were registering in a wrong way in my head, and dread was settling down in my stomach.

I wanted to be with Minho, that much I knew, but somehow, it felt as complicated as trying to force the stars to align. But aren’t stars just old, dead lights?

What is left of us, then?

What if what I wanted from Minho was simply out of reach, even if it seemed closer than ever? After all, I always had the tendency to reach for the unreachable, and Minho felt like he was just that.

He was out of my reach, even if he was sitting right in front of me, confessing some… fleeting feelings.

What if he’d change his mind once he fully processed that I’ve never been that great woman he made me out to be in his head?

I was just a whore. We were doomed from the beginning.

How could I even begin to accept his words, with my heart feeling this deep agony?

What was there even left to say to him about this whole train wreck we found ourselves in? 

I was rummaging through my head like I would for something in my bag, but with such a mess inside, it was too hard to find anything.

It was better to keep silent.

“You don’t have to give me an answer now…” He started after a while, and I realised how much time I’ve been deep in thought for, which forced an apologetic smile on my face. I couldn't say anything after all. I couldn't... I couldn't accept his feelings, not with the ache in my heart and this unbearable fog in my brain.

I couldn't.

“I don’t know where to go from here, Minho. Me, you… us?” I chuckled bitterly. “It’s… it’s too complicated. Too many things happened at once and I think I haven’t fully processed anything. I’m sorry, but I… I need some time to put my thoughts in order.” I said, and every word burned my tongue, but it was true.

My feelings were too complicated to navigate now, and I needed more time to process it all, to think about whether I should stay here or go back to my hometown and friends. Whether I should keep living here and lean on Minho and maybe become the mother Nari’s never had or return to my previous life and try to forget that this past year has even happened.

“I understand.” Minho replied in a kind tone and placed his hand on top of mine, over the table. “You should just focus for yourself on the time being, Jieun. Everything else can wait.”

~

It was hard getting out of the slump I fell in.

Days blurred into each other, grey, never changing. 

Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, sleep and repeat.

Day after day, week after week, this mindless routine was the only thing that helped keep my life in a somewhat order.

The first few weeks were the hardest. As my grandmother’s death began settling in, so did all the suffocating feelings I’ve been repressing. It was hard to focus on anything once the shock wore off, because the heartbreak was too painful, and the realisation that my grandma would never call my name again hit me like a truck.

When I was at home, I would try to focus on reading or on watching a show just to get my mind off things, but I would keep spacing out instead. I would try cleaning, only to end up in bed one hour later, realising I don’t have enough energy to at least stand up. I'd go to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to realise it's been two hours and the water ran cold.

Every action I did was performed with thin detachment, as I wasn’t really feeling like a person.

It was quite ironic, really. Having been independent for so long, I was used to being on my own. This time, however, it felt lonelier than ever. It felt isolating and painful, and remembering how I got to this point felt like getting punched in the gut over and over again.

I missed my grandmother. Terribly. And this thought kept recurring, making me break down and sob, crying my heart out until no more tears would fall. But despite of this, time kept moving on, giving me no chance whatsoever to collect myself. 

They say time heals, but it somehow didn't lessen the suffocating pain in my chest.

As the weeks passed, however, I got better at managing these episodes.

On my own, I learnt how to calm myself down, how to stop crying and how to accept the harsh reality. It took a long time to do so.

My destructive pattern of isolating myself from others came in full force though, and a lot of things around me changed. For instance, I stopped reaching out to the friends I still had left in my hometown, and I stopped replying to Minho.

I couldn't. I couldn't speak to anyone. It hurt too much to articulate what I was feeling, and being on my own felt like the safest option.

My former friends all stopped trying, eventually.

Falling into a pointless routine felt like the only way I could protect myself, keep myself from becoming insane. I tried to focus all my energy into teaching my class, coming up with new lesson plans and grading papers, because thinking about anything else made my head hurt.

This worked for a while, but the loneliness started eating away at me slowly. I still wasn’t sure of what to do but knowing that everyone else had their own lives while I was stuck on my trauma felt even more lonely and isolating. It was like trying to speak but having an index finger against my mouth.

I realised slowly that this isolation was not beneficial to me at all. It was hurtful not only to myself, but also to those people I’ve been keeping at arm’s length. Still, it didn't feel right trying to get back in touch with my friends. There was too much distance between us now, too many unspoken words.

I considered once again it might be better to keep staying on my own, but my anxiety got the best of me, and then, one evening, when it all got too overwhelming, I knew I had to do something about it. I needed to stop thinking for once, to stop making excuses or ponder on what to say or how to apologise for being so detached. I just picked up my phone, texting the one person who hasn’t stopped trying even though I’ve been distant.

The moment I sent him the message, he called. Instantly.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” I replied sheepishly. I felt bad.

I haven’t answered him much lately, and despite the pointless conversations about the weather (or such) we had while he dropped Nari off and picked her up from school, we haven’t really talked... at all.

Because of me.

“Are you feeling any better? I was waiting for your text, you know.” He chuckled slightly.

“Yeah…” I replied, but quickly shook my head, even if he wasn’t able to see me. “… no. Sorry.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Should I come over or come pick you up?”

“What about Nari?”

“Sleepover at Jiho.”

“Okay.”

“Great. I’ll be there in 15.”

Once we ended the call, I started looking around my apartment, noticing how messy everything was. Lots of items were misplaced, there were clothes on the floor, unwashed coffee mugs, and it was generally a mess.

I started picking up a few things before realising I should probably take a quick shower and change from my pyjamas, because I haven’t changed since yesterday afternoon when I got back from school, so I gave up on cleaning the apartment and cleaned myself instead.

When I was out of the shower, Minho was already at my door, and the apartment was still a mess. Only the living room was somehow presentable.

I opened the door slowly, peeking from the inside at the man who, despite dressed casually, looked like a million bucks.

“Hi.” I smiled, pondering on whether I should invite him in or not.

Minho smiled at me expectedly.

“Do you… uhm… want to come in?”

“If you’ll have me?” He chuckled softly. The situation was once again absurd. I told him to come over, and now I was reluctant to let him in simply because I had a messy apartment.

“I didn’t clean up…” I smiled apologetically and moved away from the door, and Minho followed me in with a chuckle.

“This is you not cleaning up? You can’t be serious, Jieun.” He looked around and then threw me a look.

“It’s dirty.”

“A few things are misplaced, yeah, but it’s definitely not dirty.” He laughed and patted my head once, as if I was a child.

“Hey, what are you doing?” I grabbed his arm as I saw him bend down to rearrange my shoes.

“Helping out.”

“No.”

“No?” He laughed again, then pointed to my little shoe rack in the corner of the hallway. “It’s gonna take two seconds to put these there.”

“Still.” I shook his hand a bit and found myself pouting, before quickly correcting my expression.

“Can you make me a tea while I put these there?”

“Okay…” I reluctantly agreed and let him be and went into the kitchen. I picked up some dried mint and made tea, and then took the two mugs to the living room, where Minho already made himself at home on my sofa.

“Thanks.” He smiled, picking up the mug I handed him.

I sat down as well and looked into my teacup, examining the liquid as my heart was doing rounds in my chest. I wanted to apologise for basically disappearing, and I wanted to tell him everything that was on my chest, all the thoughts that didn’t let me sleep for the past weeks.

But I didn’t know how to begin, or where.

“Long time no see.” He started for me, placing a soothing hand on my back and making me look at him. I saw him putting his mug on the table, and I followed suit absent-mindedly.

“Minho, look… I’m sorry for-” I started, but he cut me off by taking me by surprise with a hug.

I stopped talking and just hugged him back, breathing in his scent. He smelled good, like soap and deodorant, with a tint of perfume on his shirt.

When he pulled away, he looked at me and removed a few strands of hair from my face.

“You lost weight.” He frowned. “And you’re pale.”

“You saw me almost every day, Minho.” I reminded him. Despite not talking or meeting one-on-one, we did see each other every working day of the week when he came to school.

“Not this close.” He shook his head. “How are you feeling, Jieun?”

He let me go and picked his mug to take a sip of his tea, and I did the same, because I didn’t know where else to put my hands, or what to do.

“Honestly…” I shook my head. “Not good, Minho.”

I let out a shaky breath and blinked back a couple of tears.

“I’m sorry.” I chuckled. “It’s just that… everything is so confusing. My feelings are all over the place, and I’m tired all the time, and I couldn’t even reach out to anyone. It felt like the biggest chore to get up in the morning, to get dressed… and even to reply to texts. I got so fed up with everyone’s texts, really. I am so sorry for your loss. Let me know if you need anything. It’s so damn tiring, Minho.”

He didn’t say anything, however, he placed his hand back on my back, rubbing circles soothingly.

“I don’t know what to do to get back on track, to feel a bit better. I’m completely lost. I focused so much on making sure my grandmother is taken care of, and now that she’s gone, I feel like my life no longer has any purpose.”

“It does, Jieun.”

“Like what? What am I even doing in this city, Minho? I don’t even belong here-”

“That’s not true.” He cut me off. “You have a job to get back to, with so many children knowing that there’s a safe space that waits for them in your classroom. You have your little routine here, your own place-”

“I’m renting, it’s not really my place.” I mumbled, and he let out a soft chuckle.

“You know what I meant. Point is, you’ve been building this life for the past year, you’ve made your own habits, you have a favourite coffee shop, and a favourite market, and hell, you told me yourself about how your neighbour’s dogs even recognise you and come to play with you, so how can you not belong here?”

His words made me pout slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by Minho, who put his hands on my face and forced my lips in a smile.

“You’re so childish.” I started laughing at his antics, and he smiled kindly.

“And you also belong next to me and Nari. She’s been asking me to invite you to dinner practically every day, and it’s getting harder and harder to make up excuses on why you can’t come. She misses you, Jieun.”

“I don’t know, Minho. I’m still feeling so weird about… everything, really. I’m still confused about us.”

“What is there to be confused about?” He tilted his head. “I’m in love with you, it’s as simple as that.”

He confessed, and I had to blink a few times.

“What?”

“What? Why are you so shocked?” He laughed softly and leaned back. "I told you before that I have feelings for you."

“You did, but... You are so… direct.” I looked at him, confusion plastered all over my face. “I just didn’t expect you to say it so… causally.”

“I told you, Jieun. I want to be honest about my feelings from now on.”

“How come you haven’t changed your mind? I’ve ignored you this past month.”

“Ah, so it was on purpose!” He exclaimed, making me roll my eyes and laugh. “Jokes aside, of course I wouldn’t have changed my mind. If anything, I feel like I got to think way more about you, and us, and it’s made things so much clearer. If it was not fate that we met first on In the Dark, and then practically the second day in your classroom, I have no idea what fate is supposed to be.”

“It’s truly weird that things worked out like this, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, and I told you. You made me fall for you twice. The first time, slowly through your words and actions, when seeing how good you fit in with me and Nari and how much you add to our lives, and the second time, without even knowing who you are or what you look like, once again through your actions and the small details.”

“Damn, I’m pretty good, aren’t I?” I joked, but Minho nodded truthfully, his eyes full of praise.

“Now, of course, there’s also the chance that you don’t like me back, which, I mean, would pretty much suck, but I’d understand.”

“It’s obviously not that.” I rolled my eyes again, then looked at how he was manspreading on my sofa.

“Oh, yeah?” He challenged me, and it felt as if I was under a spell, because the next thing I did came naturally.

I shifted on the sofa and made my way over to him, supporting my hands against the backrest and hopping onto his lap, straddling him.

He raised an eyebrow and let out a smirk, and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. Although we’ve been in this position a lot of times, even naked, it was the first time I was actually seeing him.

With another leap of courage, I grabbed his face in my hands and pressed a soft kiss against his lips.

“I do like you, Minho.” I said in a quiet voice. “I’m just insecure.”

“Do I make you feel insecure? Do you doubt me, or my feelings for you?” He asks, as quietly as me, and put his hand on top of mine, squeezing.

“No.” I shook my head. “It is I who makes me feel insecure. I don’t think I’m good enough for… for you.”

It was hard getting this confession out of my chest, but it’s one of the main reasons why I’ve been hesitant to let Minho in. While keeping my grandmother in the hospital, I’ve tried my hardest to not look down on myself. I tried rationalizing why I was selling my body, and it made sense, but now, with her gone and with way too much time to spare, my mind kept spiralling.

The same answers I’ve told Minho weeks ago during coffee were circling through my head repeatedly. If she were still alive, and if Minho wouldn’t have found out that I was Flame… what would I have done? Date him while cheating on him with Charisma - or God forbid, with another man - every other night just for some more money to pay the bills?

Everything weighted way too heavily, and I felt another pang in my heart and another headache settling between my temples.

“What do you even mean, Jieun?” Minho asked calmly, his voice soft. “You’re not only good enough. You’re perfect for me.”

As he said that, he moved his other hand closer to my face, rubbing the frown away from between my eyebrows.

“Are you looking down on me for visiting Flame through In the Dark?” He asked all of the sudden, checking my eyes for answers.

“What? Of course not!”

“Why not?”

“You had your reasons.”

“So did you. So stop looking down on yourself.” He moved both hands on my waist and kept looking into my eyes, and God, the way he was looking at me was so beautiful.

The whole moment felt intimate, despite the pain in my chest, and I could feel my heart thump harder. Things looked so easy from Minho’s perspective, so black and white, but my head was a mix of colours sprawled around all over the place.

“Please don’t doubt my feelings.” Minho shifted our bodies, sitting up straight and pressing me closer to his chest, while whispering in my ear.

His hands started dancing from my waist to my back, giving me goosebumps all over.

“I missed you.” He whispered again, pressing a small kiss on my collarbone, before raising his face to look at me.

“I missed you too.” I whispered back, kissing his lips.

“Yeah?” He asked, but this time, it didn’t sound challenging. It sounded genuine, and full of hope.

“You’re such a patient man, Minho. All these weeks of me ignoring your texts, and you still picked up and came here when I reached out.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for reaching out to me, Jieun. Please don’t pull away again.”

“I’m sorry.”

Minho smiled and kissed my lips again, and then hugged me tight, and the night witnessed our silent promises as we went to sleep embraced, and for the first time in weeks, I was able to get a good night's rest.

~

Chapter 11 | Chapter 13

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 46 - Tutoring

Back to our regularly scheduled programming after the excitement of @usamamoweek2023 (check out the blog for various contributions, master post is coming in a couple of days to allow for any late submissions).

This week we look at fics where Mamoru takes on the role of a tutor for Usagi in various settings - ranging from high school to university. Some are more lemony than others.

Reminder that @smquickies2023 are next week! August 6-12 (and is open to any SM pairings).

As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries).

we are absolutely made of glass - @cgsf

This one shot is a lemony culmination of years of build-up that led to Usagi convincing Mamoru to help her graduate.

The Physiology of Tutoring - @uglygreenjacket

Usagi’s dad gets Mamoru to become her tutor for Biology because Ami’s methods were clearly not working. Leading to higher grades for Usagi, but also a lot of miscommunications and half truths spoken that will have to be cleared up. 

A True Hero: An Essay by Usagi Tsukino - @linlamont

Mamoru, who has been dating Rei for a bit, agrees to tutor Usagi in English in spite of his girlfriend’s protests. In this enemies to lovers fic, Usagi and Mamoru slowly discover how to co-exist before realizing what they mean to each other. 

i should tell you to leave ‘cause i (know exactly where this leads) - @goddamnelsa

Usagi thought that taking a physics class in university would be easy if she does it with her friends. Except Ami has too much on her plate to help, so she has to rely on her TA. With their tutoring sessions moving from office hours, to the library and eventually his apartment, Usagi and Mamoru have to make a decision on what they want to become and how ethical that might be. Make sure to read the entire series of stories! 

Stuff Tippy Wrote -- Sailor Moon edition: Chapter 20: Usagi is bad at math - @tiptoe39

Mamoru is trying to help Usagi understand how to solve for X in a new way - using Choco Pies!

---

That's it for this week. Here is the schedule for the next month:

August 7 - Thunderstorms 

August 14 - Food

August 21 - Proposal 

August 28 - Locked In

Here are the links to the previous Tumblr posts in these series to explore more amazing works based on different themes - make sure to check them out if you haven't had a chance! (Click on title name to go to the post) - I will keep updating the list every week as new posts come up:

Week 1 - Groundhog Day

Week 2 - Established Relationships

Week 3 - Sex Positivity

Week 4 - Unfinished Stories

Week 5 - Darker Stories

Week 6 - Potions 🧪

Week 7 - Reveals

Week 8 - 👻Halloween🎃

Week 9 - Wrong Perceptions

Week 10 - Non-Senshi AU

Week 11 - In-Progress Fics

Week 12 - Mutual Pining

Week 13 - Enemies to Lovers

Week 14 - Slow Burn

Week 15 - Christmas Part 1 - Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Santa!

Week 16 - Christmas Part 2

Week 17 - New Years

Week 18 - High School AU

Week 19 - Slice of Life

Week 20 - Coffee shop AU

Week 21 - Huddle for Warmth

Week 22 - Friends to Lovers

Week 23 - ❤️Valentines Day❤️

Week 24 - Do a Grouch a Favour Day (or Cheer Up Fics)

Week 25 - Soulmate AU

Week 26 - Amnesia Fics (and resources)

Week 27 - 🍀St Patrick's Day🍀

Week 28 - Fix it Fics

Week 29 - Prompt: Mug

Week 30 - Flowers

Week 31 - Traditions

Week 32 - Dreams

Week 33 - Friends

Week 34 - Body-Swap

Week 35 - Medical Assistance

Week 36 - Sex Pollen

Week 37 - Psychometry

Week 38 - What If

Week 39 - Missing Scenes Part I

Week 40 - Green Jacket

Week 41 - Dr Chiba

Week 42 - Birthdays

Week 43 - Fluff

Week 44 - First Kiss

Week 45 - Reviving Shitennou

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, July 28th

WILLOW: Where do you keep the black arts books? ANYA: Something terrible has happened, I know. But you don't have to do- WILLOW: (staring up at the loft bookshelves) I need power.

~~Villains~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Unpredictable by veronyxk84 (Buffy, Willow, PG-13)

remember when we argued on the concept of regret by Galeifer_4_real (Giles/Jenny, T)

It Takes Three by MadeInGold (Angel/Riley/Spike, T)

Ann's Audition by eevol76vamp (Anne Steele & Ann the Regali Demon from Spike: Asylum, Darrow, G)

Lessons in Life and Love by simple_nothings (Buffy/Giles, T)

Unpredictable by VeroNyxK84 (Buffy, Willow, PG-13)

[Chaptered Fiction]

To Sail the Starry Sea - Chapter 1 by eevol76vamp (Buffy/Spike, Riley, Holland Manners, Explicit)

Meow, Ch. 13 by CheekyKitten (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Watcher, Ch. 22 by In Mortal (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Infernal Fire, Ch. 9 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Voulez Vous? Ch. 4 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Yes or No? Ch. 4 by scratchmeout (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Mysteries of the Unexplained, Ch. 4 by Willow25 (Buffy/Spike, R)

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May, Ch. 4 by cawthraven (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

There Is a Season, Ch. 4 by Inevitablethief (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Free to a Good Home, Ch. 4 by though_you_try (Buffy/Spike, R)

It's Good Branding! Ch. 4 by Amina (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Better Than Revenge, Ch. 4 by BewitchedXx (Buffy/Spike, R)

The Summoning, Ch. 4 by the_big_bad (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Laid, Ch. 4 by Holly (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Close to Home, Ch. 4 by Sigyn (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Not A Secret to Keep, Ch. 4 by DeamonQueen (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

What She Deserves, Ch. 4 by flootzavut (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Never Bet Against the Slayer, Ch. 4 by JayeMaru (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Treats, Ch. 4 by DarkVoid116 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Another Truce? Ch. 4 by To Be Hers (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Some lovely glorious nothing I did see... Ch. 4 by fortes775 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Mysterious Influences, Ch. 4 by EnchantedWillow (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

About Last Night, Ch. 4 by ashcrashed (Buffy/Spike, R)

Magical Medieval Mystery Tour, Ch. 4 by bewildered (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Double Vision, Ch. 4 by Saranac (Buffy/Spike, R)

It's That Time of the Season, Ch. 4 by Tasha (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

What She Deserves, Ch. 3 by flootzavut (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Quilt-inspired Buffy piece by 5bi5 (Buffy, worksafe)

my boy spike 💕 my favorite tortured poet turned menace to society by teenaween (worksafe)

A Spike collage and line divider ft. Hello Kitty by soponge-meringue (worksafe)

Icons with PSD coloring: VampireSlayer.psd by vampirinhainha (Buffy, worksafe)

A meme about irresponsible drinking by xandersrailcrash (Angel, Spike, Joyce)

Video: Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Season 3 Recap by bigbadllama (ensemble)

[Reviews & Recaps]

so i’m watching dollhouse currently... [whedonspeak in Dollhouse vs. in Buffy] by fallingtowers

Stake fodder's rewatch: S2.1 When She was Bad

Finished Watching Angel Season Two For the First Time by Any-Instruction6273

Just finished [Angel] the series! by sebastiani217

[Recs & In Search Of]

Fic rec: a Buffy/Spike story Pavlov's Spell by ret_wat recced by flowspuffy

countdown to iwry 2024 — iwry2023 most angsty fic - by iwillrememberyoumarathon

passporttomadness is looking for players 25+ to play Angel in Angel/Spike roleplay

Buffy, Angel Seasons 8-12 Graphic Novels FOR SALE by BenReillySpidey149

Angel: After the Fall Graphic Novels FOR SALE by BenReillySpidey149

Can someone update Tom Lenk's Wikipedia page? by Amazing-Intention292

[Fandom Discussions]

AU where the final big bad of Buffy was the Council of Watchers by coraniaid

Poll: which one is willow? (DND classes) by ladyverdance

Was Buffy an 'abusive partner'? by CanIBeAnne and others

S4 Restless (is that a photo of Buffy with Dawn?) by Starmonie

What would Buffy think of the Charmed Ones? by Itchy_Initiative6180

A math proof that Glory is stronger than dark Willow by Key_Use1988

My first homebrew DND campaign is BTVS based by Silent_Torches

Anya's Hair by Guilty-Tie164

If Buffy became a vampire... hosted by debujandobirds

Buffy, Spike, Angel and Faith by brwitch

Willow burns a book by William Shatner during her freak out at the Magic Shop by stellahella1

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

James Marsters GalaxyCon Raleigh 2024 Reports, Pics & Videos via dontkillspike

TPN's Conversation with Tim Minear by Passion of the Nerd

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Anna Krylov and Jay Tanzman

Published: Oct 2, 2023

Note: A version of this article will appear as an invited chapter in the forthcoming volume The Free Inquiry Papers edited by Robert Maranto, Lee Jussim, and Sally Satel.

1. An age of unreason

The liberal enlightenment, humanism, and democracy are under siege. A once-obscure postmodernist worldview, Critical Social Justice (CSJ) [1-3], has escaped the academy and is quickly reshaping our institutions and society at large. Long-standing merit-based practices in science are rapidly being subordinated to practices based on the tenets of CSJ theory [4]. Increasingly, scientists must compete for funding, no longer only on the basis of scientific merit, but also on the basis of how their proposed research will promote the goals of CSJ. As an example, an NIH neurology program requires grant applications to include a “plan for enhancing diverse perspectives” with the goal to “bring about the culture change necessary to address the inequities and systemic biases in biomedical research….” [5] Similarly, funding for fundamental research in chemistry and physics now depends on researchers demonstrating their commitment to “promote equity and inclusion as an intrinsic element to advancing scientific excellence” [6].

In the academy, faculty hiring and administrative appointments are increasingly made on the basis of the candidate’s identity [7-9]. Merit-based admission to schools and universities is being weakened, with standardized tests such as the SAT and ACT being abandoned on “social justice” grounds [10,11]. K–12 is affected as well. Some school districts have stopped giving D and F grades in order to improve “equity” [12]. In math classes, activist teachers claim that getting the right answer and showing your work are white supremacist concepts and are advocating, instead, a supposedly anti-racist CSJ pedagogy [13,14]. Accelerated mathematics programs for gifted students, necessary to prepare them for advanced training and careers in STEM [15], are being dismantled in the name of “social justice” [16-18]. Many school districts have eliminated honors classes altogether in the name of “equity” [19]. The resultant weakening of the workforce has already contributed to the fall of the US from its position as the world leader in science [20].

In the university, faculty and staff are instructed to use Newspeak—neopronouns and other neologisms—in their written and verbal communications for the purpose of “inclusivity” [21,22]. To be avoided are such apparently un-inclusive terms as “strawman,” “brown-bag lunch,” and “picnic” [22–25]. Professional societies and corporations are following suit, proscribing terms such as “field,” “dark times,” “black market,” “double-blind study,” “nursing mother,” “hip-hip hooray,” “smart phone,” “homeless,” and “the French” [26–30].

In biology, an education paper recommends that teachers emphasize the sexual diversity across species in nature, which includes “organisms such as ciliates, algae, and fungi [that] have equal-size gametes (isogamy) and do not therefore have gametic sexes [that is, binary sexes, as mammals do].” This is supposed to promote inclusivity of LGBTQIA2+ students in the classroom [25]. Chemistry education also needs to be reformed, according to the journal Chemical Education, which published a virtual Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) collection of 67 papers exploring such topics as decolonization of the chemistry curriculum, chemistry and racism, and gender and sexual orientation identities in the chemistry classroom [31]. A recent paper in the same journal describes “a special topic class in chemistry on feminism and science as a tool to disrupt the dysconcious racism in STEM,” which explores “the development and interrelationship between quantum mechanics, Marxist materialism, Afro-futurism/pessimism, and postcolonial nationalism.” “To problematize time as a linear social construct,” the paper says, “the Copenhagen interpretation of the collapse of wave-particle duality was utilized” [32]. No, Deepak Chopra was not a co-author of the paper.

In STEM, prospective faculty are asked to pledge their commitment to the ideology of CSJ and to document their activism in advancing DEI [8,9,33,34]. Medical schools are abolishing long-accepted assessments of competency in order to improve racial parity in residency programs [35]. A pamphlet published by the University of Illinois Chicago School of Public Health claims that public health anti-obesity campaigns are an example of “fatphobia,” that public health’s “focus on body size is rooted in racism,” that “higher weight is not causal to worse health outcomes," and that “focusing on weight ignores systematic injustices” [36,37]. Under the doctrine of gender-affirming care, adolescents are offered life-changing transgender treatments, often after only perfunctory psychological assessment, despite the poor understanding that medicine currently has on the risks and benefits of these treatments [38–40].

[ Unreason and intolerance. Upper left: Yale students protest “offensive” Halloween costumes (2015). Lower left: Activists burn books by J.K. Rowling (2023). Right: Students at UC Davis disrupt a film viewing by throwing a bag of manure into the room. ]

Free speech itself, the cornerstone of liberal democracy, is under attack. As viewed by CSJ activists, free speech is dangerous, harmful, and equivalent to violence [41]. Adherents of DEI ideology believe that DEI should trump academic freedom [42]. Institutions essential for providing a platform for the marketplace of ideas, information exchange, and debate have largely abandoned their mission in the name of social justice activism. Articles in the press are infused with CSJ ideology [4]. Scientific publishers from Scientific American to the flagship journals Science and Nature have become mouthpieces for CSJ [43–56]. Universities, whose primary mission is education and truth seeking, have become complicit in censorship, scholarship suppression, indoctrination, and intimidation [57–59]. Universities and professional organizations have compromised their mission as seekers and communicators of objective truths by abandoning traditional institutional neutrality in favor of political activism, taking official positions on elections, police reform, abortion, wars, and other social issues [60,61], leaving dissenters out in the cold. Where debate, constructive disagreement, and discussion were once cultivated, conformity and dogmatism, enforced both top-down (by CSJ-infused DEI trainings [62,63]) and bottom-up (by ideologically driven activists [58]), now reign.

On campus, another essential provision of democracy, the presumption of innocence until proven guilty, no longer guides procedures for resolving conflict. Suspensions and terminations of professors without a hearing in response to offense taken by students, faculty members, or administrators has become commonplace (see, for example, Ref. 64–67). A predictable consequence is that there is now an unprecedented level of self-censorship by students and faculty [57,68,69]. Proposed changes to Title IX regulations will further erode the free speech of students and the protection of due process [70]. 

CSJ adherents accuse dissenters of being indifferent to existing inequalities and historic injustices, of being bigots, of having nefarious motives, and of perpetuating existing power structures. We reject these accusations. We oppose the practices of CSJ because they harm everyone, including those groups they purport to elevate [71-73]. It is precisely because we care about the existing problems in the world and about real social justice that we oppose CSJ.

What we are witnessing today—curriculum “decolonization,” the elimination of honors classes in schools, the ubiquitous war on merit [4], the imposition of political litmus tests for academic positions, Newspeak, the renaming of everything in sight, and on and on—are not isolated excesses perpetrated by a handful of overly zealous but otherwise well-meaning individuals; they are symptoms of a wholesale takeover of our institutions by an illiberal movement that currently has the upper hand. The current situation is not a pendulum that has swung too far and will self-correct [74]; it is a train hurtling full speed toward a cliff. Those of us unwillingly to go over the edge can either jump off—leave academia (or maybe start up alternative institutions)—or fight to get the brakes applied before it is too late. The remainder of this chapter is about the latter course of action.

2. Why we should fight

To put it simply, we should fight because it is the right thing to do. It is not only our duty to the next generation, but an opportunity to pay our debt to the previous generations of dissenters who fought against forces of illiberalism to create the free and prosperous world that we enjoy today [75,76]. By fighting, we, too, can fend off the forces of unreason and restore the values of humanism, liberalism, and The Enlightenment. Inaction and submission will only enable the further spread of illiberalism. The history of past illiberal regimes, such as the USSR and Nazi Germany, provide ample lessons and motivation to stand and fight today. The train is gaining momentum; the longer we wait, the harder it will be to stop it. We must act now, while we still can.

Although there are uncanny parallels with totalitarian regimes of the past [23,77–80], we are still living in a free, democratic society. Despite the advances of illiberal ideology, manifested by the rise of censorship, the spread of cancel culture [23,57,58,81–83], and the proliferation of institutionalized structures (such as DEI bureaucracies) to enforce CSJ ideology, the dissenters of today do not face incarceration in prisons, labor camps, and mental hospitals. Nonetheless, we can learn from history.

In his book To Build a Castle: My Life as a Dissenter [84], Vladimir Bukovsky [85] describes his experiences as a dissident who refused to comply with the Soviets and challenged the regime. Bukovsky describes the apathy and complacency of the majority of the population at that time. People understood the corrupt and inhumane nature of the regime, but they chose to keep their heads down because—as the Russian proverb goes—“No man can splay the stone” (in Russian: плетью обуха не перешибёшь).

Because of this complacency, the economically bankrupt, oppressive, and inhumane Soviet regime lasted as long as it did (70+ years). But it was the actions of dissidents that ultimately catalyzed its downfall. Consider, for example, the impact of the books of Solzhenitsyn, who told the world the truth about the atrocities of the Soviet regime [86]. In addition to meticulously documenting the scale of the atrocities, Solzhenitsyn explained that they came to be, not due to deviations from the party line or shortcomings of its individual leaders, but as the direct result of Marxist-Leninist ideology.

In Bukovsky’s time (the late 1950s to mid-1970s), open dissent was rare. Growing up in the Soviet Union, I [Anna]—as most of my peers—did not even know dissidents existed. It wasn’t until Perestroyka in the late 80s, when I read Solzhenitsyn’s books and learned about Sakharov [87] that I found out. Yet, it is through the actions of the dissidents that the West came to understand the Soviet regime as an “evil empire,” and this understanding propelled the political forces in the West that ultimately decided the outcome of the Cold War. The impact of the dissident movement on the Soviet regime has been illuminated through a series of memoranda of the Central Committee of the Communist Party, stolen and published by Bukovsky in his book Judgment in Moscow [88]. The acts of individuals splayed the stone after all.

I [Anna] was born (in the then-Soviet state of Ukraine) into the luckiest generation in the history of the USSR—the generation that witnessed the fall of the Wall when they were still young. We could escape to the free world, live as free people, and build successful and fulfilling careers in the West. Had the regime lasted another 20 years, my generation would have been yet another of the long list of those whose lives were ruined by the Soviet regime. I feel a personal debt to the dissidents of the day. 

Now, it is our turn to be the dissidents and to fight the good fight.

Fighting for what is right is not just the right thing to do; it is empowering. Standing up and speaking your mind is liberating, even exhilarating; while hunkering down in fear, hoping the storm will pass, is a bleak experience. Being honest feels good, while being complicit in lies is dispiriting. Fighting the good fight puts you in control, whereas passive submission leaves you helpless. Whether we ultimately win or lose this fight, those who choose to remain silent will look back and ask themselves why they did not act when they could. As Martin Niemöller wrote after World War II,

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Eventually, this illiberal movement, like those of the past, will come not only for the dissidents, but for the silent bystanders as well (and, eventually, for its own vocal supporters).

There are myriad excuses, as old as the history of totalitarianism and oppression itself, invoked to justify inaction, complacency, and collaboration. Bukovsky [84] enumerates a few of the more familiar: “What can I do alone?”; “I’ll be more effective after I get the promotion”; “It’s not my job; I’m a scientist.” “If I don’t collaborate, someone else will anyway (and I’ll probably do less harm).” These reasons may seem logical, even compelling; however, they are self-deceptions. Not pushing back against bad ideas allows them to spread. Not fighting back against illiberalism allows it to grow. Not standing up for truth permits the lies to flourish. Not confronting the CSJ ideologists permits them to advance. And when they advance, we lose. It is a zero-sum game.

The choice to fight in the face of potential consequences is personal [89] and not an easy one to make. But as you contemplate whether to act or to lay low, consider the importance of truth and integrity in your life. To paraphrase Bari Weiss: Worship truth more than Yale. As she says:

[D]o not lose sight of what is essential. Professional prestige is not essential. Being popular is not essential. Getting your child into an elite preschool is not essential. Doing the right thing is essential. Telling the truth is essential. Protecting your kids is essential. [90]

Sure, no one wants to become a martyr for free speech or experience bullying, ostracism, and professional damage [81,91–93]. Cancel culture is real, but the risks are not what dissenters to totalitarian regimes faced historically or face today—cancel culture does not put you in jail. One still can write a dissenting op-ed without the fear of being stripped of their citizenship and expelled from the country, as Solzhenitsyn was for his writings [83]. We still can criticize DEI policies without fear of being put under house arrest, as Sakharov was for his vocal opposition to nuclear weapons and his unwavering defense of human rights [87]. But if we delay, some of the totalitarian nightmares of the past may become a reality. There are already worrying signs of this totalitarian-style repression in America: parents opposing CSJ in schools have been accused of terrorism and investigated by the FBI [94]; a journalist who wrote about collusion between the government and social media was paid a surprise home visit by the Internal Revenue Service [95]; a student who questioned the concept of microaggressions [96] at a mandatory training was expelled and forced to “seek to psychological services” [97]. These incidents in America today are chillingly similar to practices in Russia in the Soviet era, when the KGB routinely investigated dissidents, and dissent from Soviet ideology was considered a psychiatric disorder [84,88]. In the absence of resistance, this illiberal movement, like illiberal movements of the past, will gain ever more power, and we will face ever worse repression and erosion of individual freedom.

Inaction does not guarantee survival, but fighting a successful fight does. The only way to defend yourself against repression by an illiberal ideology is to stop the spread of the ideology.

The dangers of inaction are real, but how much risk one should take must be a personal decision [89]. Above all, it rarely does any good to get fired. Getting fired is playing into their hands. It’s one less enemy in the organization to fight against its ideological capture. Should all the dissidents get fired, the ideology wins. Full stop.

But it’s not hopeless. As we elaborate below, there are ways to maximize the impact of your actions and minimize the chances of negative consequences of resistance.

3. How to fight

Although there is no sure-fire roadmap to solve the current crisis, there are some do’s and don’ts. A recently published handbook, Counter Wokecraft (which we highly recommend), written by an anonymous STEM professor, provides concrete recommendations for staging the resistance [98]. It convincingly explains how small but deliberate actions add up to big change and elaborates on the perils of delaying action. In what follows, we offer our view on how to fight, and we share examples of successful acts of resistance that give us reason for hope. Small contributions add up, so do something rather than nothing.  As Gad Saad writes in The Parasitic Mind:

The battle of ideas knows no boundaries, so there is plenty to do. If you are a student and hear your professors spouting postmodern nonsense or spewing anti-science drivel, challenge them politely and constructively. If you are a graduate and your alma mater is violating its commitment to freedom of speech and freedom of thought, withdraw your donations—and let the school know why. If your Facebook friends are posting comments with which you disagree, engage them and offer an alternative viewpoint.... If you are sitting at your local pub having a conversation about a sensitive topic, do not refrain from speaking your mind. If your politicians are succumbing to suicidal political correctness, vote them out of office. [99]

1. Educate yourself; knowledge is power.

To effectively counter the ideology of CSJ, it is crucial to understand its nature and the tactics it employs. As two-time Nobel Laureate Marie Sklodowska-Curie said:

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so we may fear less.

Although Curie was referring to phenomena of the natural world, the observation applies equally to the world of ideas. By understanding the origins and tenets of CSJ, we can fear less—and fight more effectively.

For me [Anna] and my former compatriots, who were forcibly schooled in Marxist-Leninism and experienced its implementation as Socialism firsthand, it is easy to recognize the current illiberal movement’s philosophical roots [78,79]. We recognize the familiar rhetoric and the Orwellian co-option of the language: the media outlet of the Communist Party, which disseminated its lies, was called Pravda (Правда), which is Russian for “truth”; victims of Red terror were called “enemies of the people” (враги народа); Soviet troops invading other countries were called “liberators” (освободители); and  nuclear weapons were developed with the slogan “nucleus for the cause of peace” (атом—делу мира). We are used to looking behind the facade of nice-sounding words and seeing their real meaning to those in power [100]. It is not hard to see that today’s “Diversity,” “Equity,” and “Inclusion” have about as much in common with the noble concepts of diversity, equality, and inclusion as Orwell's Ministry of Love had to do with love or his Ministry of Plenty had to do with plenty. (A more-fitting operational definition of DEI would be Discrimination, Entitlement, and Intimidation.) This linguistic tactic is used because it works. It has fooled many STEM academics and ordinary citizens and has enabled the illiberal ideology to get its foot in the door [3].

As Counter Wokecraft explains, the tactics CSJ employs to gain power in our institutions include the use of liberal-sounding “crossover words” to shroud the illiberal aims of the movement [98]. The concise essay “DEI: a Trojan Horse for Critical Social Justice in Science” by the same author offers insights into the philosophy that undergirds the CSJ movement and clearly elucidates its aims [3]. For a deeper dive into CSJ, we recommend the book by Pluckrose and Lindsay [1].

2. Use all existing means of resistance, but first and foremost, the official ones.

Mechanisms of resistance are available through existing institutions, even if the institutions themselves are failing to protect their mission [101]. These mechanisms can be exploited to change the institution from within.

Bukovsky describes how their dissident group worked within the legal boundaries of the Soviet regime [84]. He contrasts this approach with anarchism and revolutionary destructivism, which, he argues, lead to outcomes that are worse than the original evils. Bukovsky and his dissident comrades structured their activism and resistance within the framework of the Soviet constitution—which many legitimately considered to be a joke. When allowed to speak in court, Bukovsky framed his defense to emphasize the constitutional rights of Soviet citizens, for example, to peacefully demonstrate. Bukovsky attributes their success to this strategy. As an example of an important victory, he describes how he and his fellow political prisoners managed to resist and ultimately eliminate mandatory “corrective labor” for political prisoners. Following legal protocols, they rolled out a concerted effort of filing official complaints. Although isolated complaints never had any effect (they would be registered, duly processed, and dismissed), by flooding the bureaucratic system with a massive number of such complaints (which each had to be properly registered and responded to), they pushed the system beyond its limits. The sheer number of complaints compelled administrative scrutiny of the prison and its officers. And the prisoners won the fight.

Today, we can work within the system of our universities and professional organizations, even if they have already been ideologically corrupted. We can participate in surveys; communicate our concerns to leadership; nominate candidates committed to liberal principles to committees and leadership; vote against CSJ ideologues; speak up against practices that violate the stated mission of the institution [43,102,103]; publish well-reasoned opinion pieces [4,14,15,23,82,83,102]; and insist that our institutions adhere to their stated institutional (and legal) commitments to free speech and non-discrimination, such as being equal opportunity employers. Counter Wokecraft [98] provides concrete suggestions on how to effectively oppose the advances of the CSJ agenda by simply insisting that standard protocols of decision-making be followed—that is, through formal meetings with organized discussions that adhere to a set agenda, vote by secret ballot, and so on. In short, the existing governance structures and institutional policies can still be utilized to defend and even restore the institutional mission, even when the institution’s workings have been undermined by CSJ activists.

The following success stories illustrate the effectiveness of working within the system.

At the University of Massachusetts, a faculty group fought—and won—against a proposed rewriting of the university mission statement, which would have redefined the purpose of the university as engaging in political and ideological activism, rather than pursuing the truth [104].

Faculty at the University of Chicago succeeded in having departmental statements that violated institutional neutrality (by voicing collective support for specific social and political issues in violation of the University’s Kalven Report [105]) rescinded [106].

Also at the University of Chicago, in response to faculty complaints to the institution’s Title IX coordinator and general counsel, at least seven programs that gave preferences to specific races or sexes in violation of Federal regulations were discontinued [106].

The faculty of the University of Washington voted down a proposal to require DEI statements for all tenure and promotion candidates [107]. As reported to us, an email campaign initiated by a single faculty member was decisive in defeating the proposal.

At the University of North Carolina (UNC), the Board of Trustees adopted [108] the Chicago Free Speech Principles [109] and Kalven Report [105]. The former articulates the university’s commitment to free speech and is considered to be a model policy on this issue; the latter ensures institutional neutrality, prohibiting units of the university from taking stands on moral, political, or ideological issues, unless they directly affect the mission of the institution.

Also at UNC, responding to a faculty petition, the Board of Governors moved to ban diversity, equity, and inclusion requirements from its hiring and promotion process. The mandate states that the university “shall neither solicit nor require an employee or applicant for academic admission or employment to affirmatively ascribe to or opine about beliefs, affiliations, ideals, or principles regarding matters of contemporary political debate or social action as a condition to admission, employment, or professional advancement” [110].

In California, mathematicians organized a petition that has, so far, blocked the implementation of radical, CSJ-based revisions to the K–12 math curriculum [18]. At the time of publication, the fight is not over; but they’ve won so far.

A new nonprofit, Do No Harm, has been formed to fight against the encroachment of identity politics in medicine [111]. Among their successes, filings with the US Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights against two medical schools has resulted in the elimination of race as a requirement for certain scholarships. Scholarships “meant for individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds, [a] worthy goal, can and should be met without racial discrimination,” writes the organization’s founder [112].

Adverse publicity and mockery, too, can cause Universities, which are sensitive to their public image, to roll back woke policies, as the following examples illustrate.

The administration of MIT reversed its own decision and reinstated the use of standardized tests for admission [113], the elimination of which had been mocked by dissidents [114].

The Stanford University “Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative” website, which listed 161 verboten expressions, including “beating a dead horse,” “white paper,” “insane,” and even “American,” was taken down after sustained mockery in the press and on social media. The university’s president ultimately disowned the initiative and reaffirmed the university’s commitment to free speech [29].

At the University of Southern California, the interim provost made a clear statement that “the university does not maintain a list of banned or discouraged words” in response to the mockery [115] of an earlier memorandum the university's School of Social Work announcing the cancellation of the word “field” as racist [26,29].

At Texas Tech, the administration announced that it was dropping mandatory DEI statements from the hiring process [116], after details of how these statements influenced hiring decisions had been publicized [9].

These examples illustrate the maxim that sunlight is the best disinfectant [117]. We can use social media and the press to shine a light on the excesses of CSJ to bring about change.

Pressure from state governments can also force universities to change course away from DEI ideology. Facing threats from the state assembly to cut funding, the University of Wisconsin system has announced it will eliminate mandatory DEI statements for job applicants. As we are writing this chapter, the state assembly is also threatening to eliminate funding for administrative positions at UW dedicated to DEI [118].

Arizona has also dealt a blow to DEI ideology. The state’s Board of Regents has mandated that public universities drop the use of DEI statements in hiring. The move was in response to a finding by the Goldwater Institute that DEI statements, which were required in over three-fourths of job postings, were being used “to circumvent the state’s constitutional prohibition against political litmus tests in public educational institutions” [119].

Organizations such as the Academic Freedom Alliance (AFA) and the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression (FIRE) have successfully used institutions’ own governing policies and bylaws as well as the law to defend scores of scholars who have been attacked for their extramural speech and threatened with administrative discipline or firing [120,121].

A move is afoot to strengthen universities’ commitment to academic freedom by encouraging them to officially adopt the Chicago Trifecta (the Kalven report, the Chicago Principles, and the Shils report). The “Restoring Academic Freedom” letter [122], which calls on universities to do so, has garnered 1700 signatures so far.

3. Don't play their game: You can’t win.

We are trained to seek compromises and solutions that bring different groups on board; we seek consensus. That is a fine approach under normal circumstances, when all agents are acting in good faith. But we must recognize that we are up against agents who are driven—knowingly or unknowingly—by an ideology whose goal is to take over the institution. Every compromise with them brings them closer to their goal [1,3,74,98,123]. Therefore, we must stand our ground.

A major advance in the spread of illiberalism has been the establishment of DEI bureaucracies in our intuitions to enforce CSJ ideology through policy [3,8,98,124-127]. It is important to understand the power of this system and to distinguish the system from the people. A DEI apparatchik can be a nice, well-meaning individual, who has been fooled by the movement’s deliberately deceptive language [1,98]; a cynical opportunist who seeks power and career advancement; or a True Believer. A DEI administrator may be completely unaware of the philosophical origins of CSJ, whose goals the DEI machine has been installed to implement. But just as a Soviet apparatchik need not have read Das Kapital to have been an agent enforcing conformity to Marxist doctrine, a DEI apparatchik need not have read the works of the critical theorists Gramsci, Derrida, Foucault, Bell, Crenshaw, and Delgado to be implementing CSJ-inspired ideology. But even participants who are naive of the movement’s history, philosophy, or ultimate goals are furthering its aims; they are still cogs in the machine. Do not be fooled by DEI administrators who may naively or deceptively deny that they are advancing CSJ ideology. They are, whether or not they know it or acknowledge it.

The power of the system—the DEI bureaucracy—and its ideological foundation make the motivations of the individual participants irrelevant. The story of Tabia Lee illustrates this point [128]. Lee—a black woman who directed a DEI program at a community college in California—questioned anti-racist and gender orthodoxy, declined to join a “socialist network,” objected to land acknowledgments and Newspeak terms such as “Latinx,” “Filipinx,” and neopronouns, and supported a campus event focused on Jewish inclusion and antisemitism. Lee describes her non-orthodox worldview as follows:

I don’t have ideological or viewpoint fidelity to anyone. I’m looking for what’s going to help people and what will help our students and how we can be better teachers and our best teaching selves. [128]

This attitude was found to be incompatible with the ideology of DEI. When Lee refused to change her worldview to comply with the orthodoxy, she was terminated from her position [128].

The establishment of the DEI bureaucracy in our institutions represented a tectonic shift from CSJ as a grass-roots movement to CSJ as an official power structure within the university equipped with a massive budget to promote its ideology [124,126,129-132].

A 2021 report by the Heritage Foundation [130], which documented the size of this new bureaucracy, identified 3,000 administrators with DEI responsibilities among the 65 universities they surveyed [124,131]. This number is in addition to the already extensive staff of Federally mandated Title VI, Title IX, and disability offices, who also perform DEI-related tasks. The new diversicrats already outnumber the mandated staffers. For example, the average university examined had 4.2 DEI personnel for every one ADA compliance administrator [124]. Given the sheer number of DEI officials and their generous salaries (one-third of chief diversity officers are paid more than $200,000 annually [132]), it is not surprising that DEI budgets are enormous; for example, in 2021, UC–Berkeley dedicated 41 million dollars to DEI [129].

The DEI bureaucracy is given official status within the university and is empowered to interfere in faculty hiring, to disseminate CSJ ideology by means of mandatory trainings, to infuse the ideology into teaching [10,13,16,25,31], and to curtail academic freedom [42,127]. Khalid and Snyder provide insight into the logic and financial incentives behind the DEI machine:

This attitude was found to be incompatible with the ideology of DEI. When Lee refused to change her worldview to comply with the orthodoxy, she was terminated from her position [128].

The establishment of the DEI bureaucracy in our institutions represented a tectonic shift from CSJ as a grass-roots movement to CSJ as an official power structure within the university equipped with a massive budget to promote its ideology [124,126,129-132].

A 2021 report by the Heritage Foundation [130], which documented the size of this new bureaucracy, identified 3,000 administrators with DEI responsibilities among the 65 universities they surveyed [124,131]. This number is in addition to the already extensive staff of Federally mandated Title VI, Title IX, and disability offices, who also perform DEI-related tasks. The new diversicrats already outnumber the mandated staffers. For example, the average university examined had 4.2 DEI personnel for every one ADA compliance administrator [124]. Given the sheer number of DEI officials and their generous salaries (one-third of chief diversity officers are paid more than $200,000 annually [132]), it is not surprising that DEI budgets are enormous; for example, in 2021, UC–Berkeley dedicated 41 million dollars to DEI [129].

The DEI bureaucracy is given official status within the university and is empowered to interfere in faculty hiring, to disseminate CSJ ideology by means of mandatory trainings, to infuse the ideology into teaching [10,13,16,25,31], and to curtail academic freedom [42,127]. Khalid and Snyder provide insight into the logic and financial incentives behind the DEI machine:

DEI Inc. is a logic, a lingo, and a set of administrative policies and practices. The logic is as follows: Education is a product, students are consumers, and campus diversity is a customer-service issue that needs to be administered from the top down. (“Chief Diversity Officers,” according to an article in Diversity Officer Magazine, “are best defined as ‘change-management specialists.’”) DEI Inc. purveys a safety-and-security model of learning that is highly attuned to harm and that conflates respect for minority students with unwavering affirmation and validation.

Lived experience, the intent–impact gap, microaggressions, trigger warnings, inclusive excellence. You know the language of DEI Inc. when you hear it. It’s a combination of management-consultant buzzwords, social justice slogans, and “therapy speak.” The standard package of DEI Inc. administrative “initiatives” should be familiar too, from antiracism trainings to bias-response teams and mandatory diversity statements for hiring and promotion. [127]

The DEI bureaucracy is a categorical enemy. Don't deceive yourself that you can work with it to accomplish good for your institution [128]. This bureaucracy is founded on ideas that are in direct opposition to the liberal enlightenment and humanism [1,3,4,42,79,99,125–128,133,134]. Their goals are not your goals; consequently, you cannot ally or compromise with them. We must, instead, focus our efforts on stripping the DEI bureaucracy of its power, ideally, ridding the institution of it completely. This will not be an easy fight, but neither is it an impossible dream. State legislatures are already taking action against DEI. At the time of this writing, 35 states have introduced bills that would restrict or ban DEI offices and staff, mandatory DEI training, diversity statements, and/or identity-based preferences for hiring and admissions [135]. Recognizing that such bills could go too far and compromise academic freedom, the Manhattan Institute has drafted model legislation that would abolish DEI bureaucracies on campuses while preserving academic freedom [136]. To date, at least one state, Texas, has enacted legislation based on the Manhattan Institute’s model [137].

Another reason not to attempt to work with the DEI bureaucracy is that CSJ ideology leaves no space for rational dialog. As explained by McWhorter [71], Pincourt [3,98], Pluckrose [1], Saad [99], and others, CSJ is not a rational or empirical worldview, but an ideology whose adherents have accepted a set of unfalsifiable tenets that may not be questioned. Thus, CSJ ideologues are not open to reasoned arguments that contradict their worldview; it is, thus, futile to argue with them. We need, instead, to reason with those of our colleagues who have not yet drunk of the Kool Aid.

Finally, since the goal of CSJ is to take over the institution, small compromises with them ultimately lead to large losses for us. Give CSJ an inch, and it will take a mile. Consider, for starters, the following example, in which the dean of the Duke Divinity School made the mistake of conceding to student activists, which led to ever-increasing demands and personal attacks on the dean herself [138]. “The chickens have come home to roost at Duke’s divinity school,” writes John Staddon. Dean Heath, the dean of the school, fully allied herself with the CSJ agenda, rolled out a variety of DEI initiatives, issued a self-flagellating editorial admitting the “structural sins” of the school, and forced non-conforming faculty to resign. Yet, despite these concessions, the demands of “marginalized groups” only grew stronger, culminating in uncivil acts, such as the disruption of the dean’s state-of-the-school address by “four dissident female students bearing bull-horns and chanting, ‘I am somebody and I won’t be stopped by nobody,’ followed by a rap, a little theatrical performance [of a rude nature].”

Staddon writes:

There is poetic justice in this incident. Despite the dean’s earnest attempts “to provide a welcoming and safe place for students,” even after she designed “a space for the work of Sacred Worth, the LGBTQIA+ student group in the Divinity School”—even after disciplining, and losing—Professor Griffiths [a non-conforming faculty], in spite all this, she has apparently not done enough! The LGBT folk want more, much more, in the form of 15 demands. “We make up an integral part of this community, and yet our needs remain deliberately unheard.”

The demands include:

“To appoint a black trans woman or gender non-conforming theologian” as well as “a tenure-track trans woman theologian” and a “tenure-track queer theologian of color, preferably a black or indigenous person.”

A dissident MIT website, the Babbling Beaver [139], illustrates the same point by a mock resignation statement by MIT’s former President Reif:

You would think giving them a Women’s and Gender Studies Program, hiring six dozen DEI deans and staffers, most of whom couldn’t pass 18.01 [MIT’s introductory math course] if their lives depended on it, and cancelling invited lecturers to appease shouting Twitter mobs would be enough,” lamented the weary lame duck. “But noooo ... The only thing I accomplished by giving in to the incessant demands was encouraging additional demands, each more strident than the last.” [140]

The statement is satire, but the concessions made by the president and the ever-increasing demands were real.

Stories of how CSJ, once it is let in the door, rapidly infiltrates the organization and eventually takes it over are too many to enumerate. We present but one example, where the process has been meticulously documented. The report, spon.sored by the organization Alumni and Donors Unite, explains how CSJ took over University of San Diego “first gradually then suddenly.”

Gradually, over the course of a decade, CSJ-DEI became sown into the university’s fabric through changes in hiring committees and curriculum. Then suddenly in 2020–2021 the administration, outside all normal channels of decision-making, initiated a hostile takeover of USD and adopted a radical woke agenda into nearly all facets of the university’s life. [141]

The devaluation of merit and intellectual honesty in the guise of social justice that we now witness will inevitably lead to the decline of our institutions, if not to their destruction [4]. A case in point is The Evergreen State University, which, in 2017, experienced a notorious CSJ uprising on campus [142]. Since then, the university has suffered a 25% drop in enrollment and has lost 45 faculty through lay-offs and attrition [143].

Learn how to recognize and take on categorical enemies [98]. Remember—it is a zero sum game.

4. Focus on truth, not partisanship. Do not fear verbal attacks.

When you take on CSJ, there is something you will need to come to terms with: you are going to be called names, and your views and beliefs are going to be distorted and misrepresented. These are standard tactics of the CSJ movement. Since the adherents of CSJ have adopted an ideological, rather than a rational, worldview, they cannot rationally defend it; so they use the only tools they have: personal attacks and strawman arguments. They will call you transphobe, racist, misogynist, alt-right, Nazi, etc., no matter what you say or do. They will use deliberate misrepresentation of your expressions to subvert and discredit them [98]. They will use the “Motte and Bailey” trick [144] to derail conversations. Learn about these tactics so that you can anticipate, recognize, and counter them [98]. As Gad Saad explains:

The name calling and accusations are locked and loaded threats, ready to be deployed against you should you dare to question the relevant progressive tenets. Most people are too afraid to be accused of being racist or misogynist, and so they cover in silence.… Don't fall prey to this silencing strategy. Be assured in your principles and stand ready to defend them with the ferocity of a honey badger. [99]

Because you will be attacked no matter what you believe, what you say, or how carefully you say it, there is no point in affirming in your interactions with CSJ ideologues that you are committed to traditional humanistic, liberal values. They don’t care. In her essay “I'm a Progressive, Please Don't Hurt Me,” Sarah Haider calls this practice of hedging “throat-clearing” and explains why it is not effective [145]. She also points out the hidden bigotry of it, that is, the implicit assumption that those on the other side of the aisle are inherently evil. Haider writes:

Before touching on any perspective that I knew to not be kosher among other Leftists, I tended to precede with some version of throat-clearing: “I’m on the left” or “I’ve voted Democrat my whole life.” I told myself that this was a distinction worth insisting on because 1) it was the truth and 2) because it helped frame the discussion properly—making clear that the argument is coming from someone who values what they value. But there was another reason too. My political identity reminders were a plea to be considered fully and charitably, to not be villainized and presumed to be motivated by “hate.” The precursor belief to this, of course, is that actual conservatives should not be taken charitably, are rightfully villainized, and really are motivated by “hate.” But I’m done sputtering indignantly about being mischaracterized as “conservative,” or going out of my way to remind the audience that I really am a good little liberal.

She goes on to explain that throat-clearing is counterproductive because: (1) it doesn’t work, you won't be spared; (2) it is a tax on energy and attention; (3) it is bad for you; and (4) it is bad for the causes you care about.

So we should stop worrying about our group loyalties and focus on our cause. Truth wears no clothes, so do not try to dress it up in partisan attire. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and move on.

It may be tempting to stay out of the fight in order to preserve friendships. It is true that some people you thought of as friends may turn against you—privately or even publicly. It has happened to us, and it hurts. But it also lets you know who your real friends are—those who stick up for you whether they agree with your views or not. And you will find new friends and allies who share your values. These relationships, forged fighting the good fight, will be enduring and empowering.

5. Do not apologize.

We cannot stress this enough. Your apology will be taken as a sign of weakness and will not absolve you—in fact, it will make matters worse. Apologies to the illiberal mob are like drops of blood in the water to a pack of sharks. Additionally, your apology can be interpreted as an admission of guilt, which can come back to haunt you in the event you need to defend yourself legally or in an administrative proceeding. The Academic Freedom Alliance advises: “If you confess to an offense you didn’t commit, or if you concede to a claim or accusation that is factually inaccurate or not truly an offense, the admission can and will be used against you.” [146] Recognize that the CSJ activists on Twitter do not care about your apology; they care about publicly flaying you in order to sow fear among other potential dissenters [147]. Someone claims to have been offended by your speech? Someone claims it caused them pain? Fine, that's their problem [148]. You know what your views are. And your friends do too. Stay on message. 

6. Build a community and a network.

Communities and networks provide moral support and there is safety in numbers. Some groups already exist. The Heterodox Academy (HxA), for example, provides a platform to organize communities (e.g., HxSTEM is a community of STEM faculty) and to connect with colleagues who are open to reasoned debate, as per the HxA statement, which each member is asked to endorse: “I support open inquiry, viewpoint diversity, and constructive disagreement in research and education.” The Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism (FAIR) also provides resources and support to those who push back on anti-humanistic policies, especially in schools, universities, and in the medical profession.

Organizations like FIRE and the Academic Freedom Alliance (AFA) provide educational resources, opportunities to network, and—most importantly—protection, including legal representation. Join and support them. Build groups and act as a group—e.g., write an op-ed piece with a group of co-authors. Ten people are harder to cancel than one. Counter Wokecraft describes how to identify the allies among your colleagues and how to build effective resistance at your workplace [98].

Stand up for others. Next time they will do it for you. When you see a colleague being ostracized for what she said, think first, “Which parts of her message do I agree with?” not “Which parts do I disagree with?” If you agree with the main message, say so, and be charitable about imperfect expression. Way too often do we hear colleagues justifying their silence with excuses like “I agree with her in general, but she should have been more careful about how she said this or that.”

Some communities, including mathematicians and psychologists, in response to CSJ takeovers of their professional societies, have simply started new ones [149,150]. Perhaps we need more of these to send a strong message to the old societies that they need to change course. We see evidence of the effectiveness of this strategy; for example, the American Mathematical Society [151] cancelled its CSJ-dominated blog shortly after the establishment of the new Association for Mathematical Research [149], whose apolitical mission is simply to “support  mathematical research and scholarship.”

In 2022, in response to increasing ideological influence and censorship in their profession, behavioral scientists founded the Society for Open Inquiry in the Behavioral Sciences, dedicated to “open inquiry, civil debate, and rigorous standards” in the field [152]. It publishes the Journal of Open Inquiry in the Behavioral Sciences, which commits to “free inquiry,” “rigorous standards,” and “intellectual exchange” [152]. Notably, its terms and conditions state that the journal will base retraction decisions strictly on the basis of the widely accepted COPE guidelines [153]; otherwise, the terms and conditions state, “We will never retract a paper in response to social media mobs, open or private letters calling for retraction, denunciation petitions, or the like....” [154]

There is even a new university—The University of Austin (UATX)—established in response to the current crisis in higher education [155]. The message on the UATX webpage—“We are building a university dedicated to the fearless pursuit of truth”—makes clear what void in the American academy UATX aspires to fill [156]. That the university received over $100 million in donations and over 3500 inquiries by professors from other institutions within six months of the project’s announcement, makes clear the demand [157].

The success of such new initiatives will inspire more educators and scientists to stand up and defend the key principles of science and education. And it will send a strong message to our leadership. Even if we cannot appeal to their sense of duty, the financial considerations (Go Woke, Go Broke [158]) and the effect of negative publicity of the excesses of CSJ (such as DEI loyalty oaths, “decolonizing” the curriculum, renaming everything, and Newspeak [9,23,24,139]) may provide incentives to straighten out their act.

4. Conclusion

Will we succeed? Will we stop the train before it goes over the cliff? We do not know what will happen if we fight. But we know what will happen if we don’t. The task ahead might look impossible. But remember the USSR. It looked like an unbreakable power, yet in the end it collapsed like a house of cards. The Berlin Wall looked indestructible, yet it came down overnight. Recalling his 20 years’ experience in the gay marriage debate, Jonathan Rauch told us: “I can tell you that the wall of received opinion is sturdy and impenetrable...until it isn't. And that it's the quiet people in the room who are the swing vote.... and please illegitimi non carborundum [159].”

We are not helpless. We have agency and we should not be afraid to exercise it. We should fight not just because it is the right thing to do, but because fighting brings results. If we behave as if we were living in a totalitarian society, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Afterword

A Russian proverb says, “Fear has big eyes” (у страха глаза велики), meaning that people tend to exaggerate danger. Accordingly, it may feel like resisting the mob will inevitably lead to career damage. But this is not the case; the flip side of risk is reward. In recognition of her activism, including her publication of “The Peril of Politicizing Science” [23], which “launched a national conversation among scientists and the general public,” Anna Krylov, co-author of this chapter, was awarded the inaugural Communicator of the Year Award, Sciences and Mathematics, by the USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts, and Sciences [160]. In “Victory Lap” [161], Lee Jussim, co-editor of the book in which this article will appear, documents how as a result of his public resistance to a mob attack on a colleague falsely accused of racism, his career enjoyed a variety of benefits including additional conferences invitations, massive positive public support for his activism, national attention to his scholarship, and an appointment to a departmental chair (with commensurate increase in salary), which he was offered because he had demonstrated that he could take the heat.

==

Stop saying "nO oNe iS sAyInG aNy oF tHiS!!" They are. You know they are. Dotted throughout the article are references to sources for quotes and claims. For the list of references, see: References.

Liberalism really is under attack. It's always been under attack from the religous right, but its influence has diminished over time, with society becoming increasingly secular and irreligious, or at least indifferent to religious influence. And principles like the US's First Amendment keep it, at least in theory, from breaching the threshold.

But where the religious attack is on the downswing, the attack from the illiberal left is on the upswing, and both more rapid and more successful, having infiltrated everything from government to science and even knitting clubs. And it hides behind nice-sounding words like "equity" and "diversity," people don't recognize it for what it is, and welcome it inside in a way they don't welcome religious intrusion.

This isn't about left vs right. It's about do we want a liberal society, or do we want a rampantly illiberal, or indeed anti-liberal society?

[ardentlurker]

jp log 11 04/06/24

leveled up to lvl 4 in wanikani, so it's time to pay subscription fee, i guess. i recognised a word that i learned from wanikani (出口) appear in an episode of cardcaptor sakura, so that's pretty cool. i need to listen to the audio more on new words instead of... just not doing that and realising i have no idea how the pitch is actually pronounced or etcetera. stopped genki self-study around a day ago for now. my japanese class is going at a pretty good pace because it's monday-friday, but i guess it's mostly because it takes a lot of effort to sit down and get myself to focus and study a textbook, and i kept procrastinating it to the end of the day. feels pretty painful. i'll like to go back when i have to switch to part-time classes, but we will probably see depending on time constraints then... ugh, maybe i'm just being lazy because i just end up spending less time on japanese now. guess i'll try to watch more anime in comparison, or either pick it up again. anyway, i guess i'll talk more about class a bit. i was surprised that minna no nihongo uses 2 books to complete the n5 comprising of 25 chapters in total, while genki has 12 chapters, but i guess genki's chapters are just way longer than minna no nihongo's. i can't really self-study minna no nihongo because the school buys the taiwan edition for some reason and thus all the grammar and vocab translations are in traditional chinese lmao. (they give out translations when you get to the chapter) pretty cool to be taught by a native japanese teacher who can talk about the nuances along with what words japanese people usually use / say. i usually enjoy class most of the time so far, unless i feel stressed out from failing to remember things that everyone seems to have remembered, so that's nice. probably worst thing about my class is how much it costs, man. we were doing some pair practice in class and the prompt was "name of school" ____ and my classmate was like (school name)は高いです。 and i just laughed because man. REAAAAL. if i paid this on my own, i'll only be able to take up to N3 while depleting almost everything, and honestly i don't know if i'm still going to be funded taking classes all the way through. i don't really have a "useful in our capitalistic society/to gain jobs/study opportunity" to learn japanese, and also because that's not really the reason why i'm learning, i guess. doubt there is money to go study overseas in japan university, (though i suppose i actually haven't done any research on this, though i'd imagine you'll have to look that up in japanese.) and i sure am not qualifying for MEXT scholarship in the future unless i want to self-study probably like 2 years of math and science (uh. quirk of the education system path thing i took which is not that relevant and way too long to explain. which leads me to question whether my education qualifications would even qualify regardless if i had money to study overseas or not...) and study something unrelated as a degree to what i've previously studied before, so uh. cool.

[jellyfishrunaway]

Finally creating my yuusona/yuu insert bc I'm bored

(Notes in parenthesis are things not known by the other characters bc they forget to tell people stuff, + prev. = in their home world, cur. = in twisted wonderland)

PS: the home world/language section is under the impression that twst common tongue is English, including in NRC and that Latin is a dead language there

Slight chapter 5 spoilers in extra!

<Basic info>

BIO

Name: Yu (they haven't told anyone their last name, so just Yu.)

Birthday: During one of the school breaks (July 12, cancer)

Pronouns: he/him (will also respond to they/them) but creator usually refers to him with they/them

Age: 18

Height: 5'2 / ~ 157.48 cm

Dominant hand: right

Homeland: unknown land (US)

Family: unnamed mother, unnamed father, unnamed older half sister

Voiced by/ voiced claim: currently n/a

Other names: Yellowtail rock fish (floyd), Trickster (rook) (couldn't think of anything so... yeah)

SCHOOL

Grade: freshman/first year (but previously mentioned on how they were a third year before coming to twisted wonderland, but because of their magicless-ness, they have to stay a first year, not that they really care all that much)

Class: Class C (no. 15)

Club: n/a or literature club (also debating if they should be in art club, but to my knowledge, neither of these clubs have been confirmed, so...)

Favorite subject: prev. N/A, science cur. Potionology/alchemy

Best subject: prev. Math, social studies cur. Potionology/alchemy

PREFERANCES

Hobbies: Most forms of art including: painting, sewing, jewelry making, Keychain making, ect. Walking in a circle for hours and day dreaming.

Pet peeves: abuse of power, people that make him uncomfortable

Favorite food: prev. Those mf rice n' roonie microwave things cur. Steak

Least favorite food: Moose/chocolate Moose

+ allergic to hazel nuts, avocados, and almond

Talent: if interested enough, can quickly find ways around seemingly impossible things / problem solving

<extra info>

PERSONALITY TYPES

Intp-t

9w8

PERSONALITY (as described by creator)

People pleaser, if you're rude to them, they are rude to you, could beat someone's ass but is literally to nice, madilaptive daydreamer, procrastinator, severely underestimates them self, probly has self esteme issues, but they loyal and genuinely a nice person to people thye like, thinks there is a basic line of respect and people have to earn to be more respected by them/respect is earned, not given,

PERSONALITY (as described by oc)

Pretty boring, procastintor, an asshole sometimes, annoying ig

HOMEWORLD

Past relationships: n/a

Friends: 4 unnamed, mentioned best friend nicknamed Alph but actual name is unknown, old friend named Ellory

Living status: was upper middle class before coming to twisted wonderland

LANGUAGE

Language: Everything is basically the same, but Latin (the dead language) replaces English. This doesn't interfere with the past, but basically, language developed to swap Latin with English, so English speaking countries (America, Canada, Britain, ect?) just speak Latin instead.

"Then how does Yuu know English if it's a dead language?"

Yuu took up learning English because they were interested in it, and they had nothing to do, so they picked it up as a hobby

EXTRA:

During SDC, once Vil was done overbloting, they passive aggressively lectured him in Latin, and to this day, nobody knows what they said

I will answer questions in comments/reblogs, may add to this later (and maybe, I'll draw them them if i feel like it)

+ will add relation chart later

[fitzrove]

Passing this on :p

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💞

Ahhhhh thank you so much!!!!!! This is so nice of you to send >:] tysm <3

I'm going to recommend both Elisabeth and Endeavour fics because I've spent a lot of time writing for both!! So let's get to it, in no order of preference:

Feel The Night - Endeavour (TV) - rated T, Morse x Jakes, vampire AU, Victorian setting, mystery/romance, ballroom dancing, neck biting, strangers to lovers, 5 chapters / 23.5k

This is secretly a TdV / Endeavour fusion (from before my full-blown euromusical era hehehehehe). I think it's some of the best work on setting and mood that I've done - like I did a bunch of research and actually put that to the page ajdjjjg. Really proud of it even 3 years down the line!!

Flights of Angels - Elisabeth - rated M (references sex), Rudolf x Tod, post-canon, angst with a happy ending, character growth, historical references and commentary, 12 chapters / 20k

My todolf divorce fanfic xD Exploring the deep implications of the common trope of human-to-Todesengel; Tod backstory and worldbuilding, esp referencing the human-metaphor dichotomy inherent in Máté's portrayal; character growth and character development for Rudolf. Yeah I wax poetic but this is actually mostly an exploration of how Máté!Tod and Lukas!Rudolf (because they are very specific portrayals!!!!) could make a long-term relationship work. There are Implications to it. Also, Mizzi Kaspar appears!!!

Vögelein - Elisabeth - rated M (but one chapter might as well be E), Rudolf x Tod, lesbian todolf, 5+1, historical commentary and references, 6 chapters / 7.2k

Lesbian todolf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's literally just "what if Rudolf was born a girl" (and Stéphanie a boy) and goes from there - ie. we end up in the Belgian court which comes with extremely unfortunate implications in the late 19th century. Also Tod is a woman (hehe lyrics reference) because I don't stand for heterosexuality sorry AHSHFHGH. Rudolf also keeps all his (= her) unsavoury historical womanizing because it's so integral to the character, in my opinion. I'm really proud of this >:]

Soft Like Summer Rain - Endeavour - rated M (but one chapter might as well be E), Morse x Jakes / Jakes x Hope / Morse x Jakes x Hope, mutual pining, 21 chapters / 51.6k

My longest fic to date!! I wrote it when I was 18 fun fact: largely in class too xD so some parts I can't bear to reread because I'm afraid I'll find lots of melodrama ahdjg, but it's one of a kind and I'm so proud of what it represents!! Plot: what if Morse visited Jakes over the summer after S3 and things kinda went from there. I can't believe Jakes asking him to come to the US with him actually became canon in S9, 4 years after this fic was published,, half-convinced Russ Lewis reads my fanfic...

Midnight Man - Elisabeth - rated E, Rudolf x Tod, modern AU, yeah um it's a one-shot that's rated E and only 2k words long you can do the math about what happens in it...

My first todolf fanfic xD Lawyer Rudolf. There's an entire unpublished modern AU universe based on this but it's more fun to think about than it necessarily is to write out, especially since the fun parts are just Tod forcibly inserting himself into Rudolf's life as common-law boyfriend/roommate (depression metaphor!!1) and getting up to shenanigans. I don't really have interesting things to say re: it being a modern AU, which makes it harder to write. I've worked on a ballet AU behind the scenes for like 2 years adjhfjjg which is a modern AU that takes the metaphors a lot further... but I haven't managed to write it because I'm not entirely sure how I'll approach it, especially the Tod characterisation in that. But I've done so much research that hopefully I will write something in that universe eventually...

Thank you again for sending this, it was so much fun to look back on what I've written!! >:]