#cinder writes: zombies run

[cinderscoria]

(if i time it right) the thunder breaks

Pairings: Maxine/Paula, though it’s not the focus Warnings: Small one for depression, not nearly as prominent as my other fics tho Spoilers: Through the season 3 finale Title: (if i time it right) the thunder breaks Summary: (i wanna love you, but i don’t know how)

or, Maxine struggles to understand Five’s aversion to antidepressants and comes to realize she doesn’t really know the Runner at all.

-

Dysthymia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder…

Maxine presses her lips into a thin line, dark eyes scanning over the personnel file in her hands. It’s been three years since Five came to Abel and about that long since she’d read through the file Mullins had sent over on their “temporary loan.” Truth be told, she’d barely glanced at the background and psychological portions, more interested in what she had to know about the Runner’s body in order to treat her properly. But years later, Five’s physical well being isn’t what’s concerning her now. It’s been three months since that awful day in London and Runner Five… hasn’t been doing well.

The doctor had to seriously dig to find this damn file, and reading through it now she’s wishing she’d paid better attention to it. The time stamp is dated almost four years ago—Five would have been fifteen when Mullins took her in. Maxine closes her eyes and tries to imagine the Runner that young and already dealing with the imbalances in her brain. She’s good at hiding it. Five can wipe her face cleaner than anyone Maxine knows—including Janine. Maybe that’s why it’s taken this long for Maxine to look up exactly what is wrong with her Runner.

She skips the background like she always does—everyone deserves some privacy, although what Five could have possibly been up to at fifteen she couldn’t imagine—and peers at the list of medications Five had been on. Trazodone, Zoloft, and Lamotrigine.

“Two out of three ain’t bad,” she murmurs to herself.

“Maxie?”

Maxine jumps but manages to hold onto the file, whirling to find Paula standing in the doorway of the lab, dark eyebrows furrowed. “What are you doing up so late? It’s past curfew.”

“I know,” Maxine admits, crossing to her so she could give her a kiss. “I was thinking.”

“About what?” Paula places a hand on Maxine’s belly and they stop a moment to grin at each other, amazed all over again they’re going to be mothers, before Maxine kisses her again, softer this time.

“I’m happy,” she says quietly, moving to put her hand on Paula’s. “I am here, with you, and our baby, and nothing is wrong.”

Paula smiles into her mouth. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ in there.”

Maxine draws back to look into her eyes, serious for a second. “Did you know that Runner Five has brought in more antidepressants than any Runner in Abel, ever?”

“No?”

“She has. I’ve been keeping track.” Maxine holds up the file. “Mullins diagnosed her with multiple mental and emotional disorders. She had been on medication before coming to Abel, but as far as I know she hasn’t taken any since.”

Paula catches on immediately. “You’re worried about her.”

“I’ve been worried since Moonchild made her hurt Sam,” Maxine tells her. The memory of it is still so raw—she’d been woken from her pod to Janine attempting to hold down a damn near hysterical Sam insisting through a half-strangled voice that they needed to find Five, Jody lying unconscious on a cot and Five missing in action, again. She hadn’t known what to think, couldn’t even get the full story out of Sam until she’d threatened to tie him down so she could treat him. Even then, his story made no sense: Five sneaking back into Abel, opening the gates, knocking out Jody and then confronting him in the comms shack where they’d hidden the ZRD; how she’d smiled as her right hand crushed his windpipe and her left raised her ax to deliver the final blow; how she’d stopped, eyes widening, spilling over with tears, and then she’d dropped her ax and sprinted from the room, leaving Sam distraught and hoarse and baffled in his shack.

“And then Simon,” Paula guesses, breaking Maxine from the memory. “He and Five were close, even after everything.”

Maxine nods. She’s seen Five on the roof of the bunkhouse, fingering the rosary beads and cross Simon had given to her before he’d put on the helmet. “Living an apocalypse is traumatic enough, but come on, Paula. The girl’s not even nineteen yet.” She draws a breath. “I wanted… to find a way to thank her. For not giving up on me, for bringing you back to me, for everything she’s done for us—for Abel, for the world, really. With all the medication she brings in on every mission we have more than enough to get her started. I want her to be happy, too.”

Paula smiles at her and runs a hand through her hair before kissing her again, one more time, lips gentle. “It’s a wonderful idea,” she tells her.

“Why thank you, darling,” Maxine teases with a laugh. “Go on back to bed. I’m going to write a formal request to Hiram Mulligan and then I’ll join you.”

“All right, love.” Paula’s hand lingers where it rests on Maxine’s stomach before she slips out the door and into the night.

Maxine grins, breathless all of a sudden, wondering how the hell she got so lucky.

-

It takes two days for the request to go through, but Maxine knows Hiram likes to be thorough. There’s a lot of danger in prescribing medication nowadays, especially for the mentally ill, because there’s only one professional psychiatrist in the entire township and the man has a lot on his plate on a good day. Monitoring closely is a thing of the past now—but trial and error could be disastrous when some of the medications could literally kill you.

Maxine has a little more faith in Five than that. She’s survived everything life has thrown at her so far, after all. Maxine just hopes she can make her a little more comfortable doing so, that’s all.

Luckily, it’s Five’s rest day when the request goes through, so Maxine sets to tracking her down.

Where does Five go when she isn’t running? Maxine grins to herself and heads straight for Sam’s shack.

Only to find their head radio operator sprawled out on his cot, dead to the world and snoring—decidedly alone. Despite herself, Maxine has to smile softly at the sight. Paula may be her soul mate but Sam Yao is undoubtedly her best friend in the entire world, and seeing him finally able to sleep makes her heart hurt a little bit.

They almost always schedule his rest days with Five’s, so the fact that she isn’t here with him is kind of puzzling, though if the Rice Krispie Treat wrappers are anything to go by she’d been in at one point. Maxine eases the door shut again and gnaws on her lower lip, deciding to check the track next.

Five’s only satisfied when she’s doing something to help the Township. If Maxine had been paying better attention, she would have caught onto her Runner’s self worth issues back when she’d seemed convinced that they would kick her out of the Township if she didn’t bring back a certain number of items out on her run. Maybe that’s Maxine’s fault, for making her swing by the hospital that first run in—the same hospital their previous Five, Alice, had been caught and killed in—before they’d granted her sanctuary. But that was before she’d gotten to know the girl, barely seventeen then, so young and so hard and angry and violent. Her brief flashes of mischievous humor, her gentleness around children and animals, how Sam made her soft, how Sara made her strong. How she’d understood that one day at the damn barn, when Maxine had to see if the message was from Paula, enough that she willingly put both herself and Five in harm’s way just to know. By all rights and purposes, Five should have been furious with her. But instead she’d nodded and gripped her arms and saved her life and eventually, finally, brought Paula home to her.

Unexpected tears spring to Maxine’s eyes thinking about it, and she brushes them away, surprised and annoyed. There’s no reason to feel guilty about it years later. Five was doing her job. She’d been there when they’d found Paula’s “last” transmission. She’d been used as a hostage to lure Maxine out after being captured that first time by Van Ark. And when that was all over, she’d dropped at Maxine’s feet out of sheer exhaustion, her body pushed to the limit, and Maxine had realized suddenly and with violent clarity that Jade Black, Runner Five, was her friend and she was terrified she was never going to see her again.

Maxine shakes herself of the memories and promptly blames all this sentimental nonsense on her rampaging pregnancy hormones.

The track is really just a carved out loop in what must have been a crop field, though it’s been paved now and the dirt has been packed to make it more even. There are bleachers—wooden and hand built. They have to improvise in an apocalypse, after all.

There Five is, jogging at a steady pace, earphones stuck in her ears as she circles the track. One of Simon’s quirks—he liked to pick up ipods, mp3 players and walkmans and hand them to the other Runners (after Jack, Eugene, Phil and Zoe had ripped them of their tracks, of course). They listen to the music as they train until the battery runs out, and then onto the next one.

Five’s the only one who still does it now. Maybe she’s trying to keep something of Simon still alive in the aftermath. Maxine’s not one to snatch away a person’s coping mechanisms.

She waves Five down on her next go around, fingering the pill bottles in her pocket, feeling oddly excited about this entire thing. There goes that sentiment again.

Five is wary as she slows and takes her headphones from her ears. She signs a quick, one handed What’s up? at her as she approaches.

“I’ve been doing some reading,” Maxine starts out, trying to shove her sudden nerves to the side so she can get this done. “Your file, actually, the one Mullins had on you? Anyway, I saw that you used to be on medication before you came to Abel and you stopped, so I dug around a bit.” She draws the bottles from her pocket and offers them to the Runner. “I only got 50 milligram tablets of Trazodone and 200 milligram tablets of Zoloft, so monitoring is going to be weird. We’re going to have to be creative to make it last, but it should be okay if we go slow, I think.”

She beams, waiting for Five to respond. The teen stares at the bottles for an uncomfortably long second before shaking her head. I don’t want it, she signs.

“What?” Maxine blinks, trying to figure out if she read her hands wrong. “Why not? It’s all right here, Five, I don’t—”

And Five cuts her off with a set jaw, signing, I’m fine. I don’t need it.

“Five—” But the Runner has already stuck her headphones back in her ears and takes off again, at a faster pace this time.

Maxine stares dumbfounded at her back as she puts distance between them.

-

“I can’t believe this!” Maxine rages, pacing the length of the comm’s shack. “Do you know how much negotiating I had to do to even snag her spot with the highest dose? Because I know that she has a high tolerance for medication, I knew that from experience! I knew she’d want to work her way up to 200 mg, I knew that about her, and she doesn’t even want to try!”

Sam, sleepy-eyed and decidedly unhappy about being awoken from his nap, says, “Maxine, I really think you might be overthinking this—”

Maxine whirls on him. He startles backwards, eyes widening, as she leans into his face and hisses, “I am not overreacting.”

“I said over thinking!” he protests, hands up. “Listen, Maxie, it’s really nice that you’re doing this for her, but you have to understand that Five isn’t the type to accept help from anyone. She thinks it implies that she’s weak.”

“I just wanted to help!” Maxine says incredulously.

“I know, I just—” Sam pinches the bridge of his nose. “You tell her that, you could probably get her to take the meds, but Maxie, it’s taken her this long to even think that we might actually want her here at Abel.”

Maxine glares and breathes hard through her nose. “What the hell does that mean?”

“She told me once,” Sam says, rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses, “that she is okay with being needed, even if she isn’t wanted. She thinks that if she has a job to do she has to do it, no exceptions, or we’ll cut her.”

“I… what?”

“Yeah.” Sam looks up at her from his cot and smiles a little, though the expression holds no mirth. “If you imply that the medication is to help her do her job, she’ll take it, but she’ll also think that she’s failing and that probably won’t help at all. So.”

Maxine, floored, drops into the chair at his desk and stares at the wall for a long moment. The anger dissipates immediately, leaving her tired and sad. “Okay then,” she utters. “How do I get her to not think that?”

Sam ponders on it. “I don’t know if you can, to be honest Maxine. She’s always been that way. It’s taken me a long time to get her to understand that she’s enough by herself for me, regardless of what she does or doesn’t do.” He grins, self deprecating. “Actually I think it took her almost killing me to get it through her head. That I’m her friend and I accept her for who she is.”

Hurt floods through her. “She doesn’t think we’re friends?”

“No, it’s not that. She holds herself to a certain expectation, who she thinks you approve of.” Sam runs a hand through his unruly black hair. “She’s good at it, I didn’t catch it for months. It’s like she conforms to whoever she thinks is best for you. Like how with me she’s gentler, with Janine she slips into an almost military persona, with Simon she would pull pranks and joke around, you know?”

“Well yeah, obviously,” Maxine says, furrowing her brow. “We all experience varying levels of comfort around the people we’re closest to, how much of ourselves we can reveal depending on who we’re talking to.”

“Yes but Maxine, you’re not hearing me.” Sam leans closer, dark eyes bright. “She does it with everyone. It’s like those flip books, yeah? The ones where you can change the outfit by flipping the pages? Except I don’t think she has a base, Maxie. Like all of these different masks make up her face. I don’t think she even knows who she is at her core.”

“You seem to know,” Maxine points out.

“Yes, but it took three years and a near death experience to get us to where we are,” he counters.

“So you’re saying I should get her to try to kill me.”

“No! Oh, you’re joking,” he realizes, before giving her a light smack on the arm. “That’s not funny, Maxie! You’re one of the mothers of my child, I need you to stay alive! Good grief,” he mutters to himself. “Anyway, listen, Five is just a really tough shell to crack, but what you’re doing for her is good. You should keep at it.”

Maxine studies him for a second before it dawns on her. “You want me to get her to want the meds,” she says.

Sam winks at her. “Got it in one.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

The radio operator shrugs and grins. “Convince her you want her instead of need her.”

“Oh, is that all?”

“You can do it, Maxine,” he says sincerely, “you’re the most stubborn person I know.” He reaches out so he can snag her hand and squeezes it once. “If anyone can convince our Runner that she’s loved, it’s you.”

Maxine sighs. “As if anyone can say no to that face. All right,” she concedes, giving him a small smile as she makes her way to the door. “I’ll try.”

“That’s my girl.”

-

Maxine stands at the edge of the track, worrying her lip and gazing at the far end of the Township. The walls they erected have spread the bigger Abel grows, so what was once a straight cement wall is now a winding ridge that curves alongside the treeline, providing some additional cover.

Five is long gone, of course, probably took off the second Maxine stormed off to find Sam. Maxine just needs a second to process all of this. All… of it.

On one hand, she’s hurt by Five rejecting the medication. She can’t help but feel resentful—her going out of her way to help her friend, all of that work for nothing, Five dismissing it with barely a glance had stung and she isn’t entirely sure why. But at the same time… she remembers being young and angry, unable to be herself around the people she cared about. Growing up gay, black, and female at the same time as being the daughter of a wealthy business tycoon did not coincide with the picture of the ideal Midwestern teenager. Maxine had to fight for every good thing in her life, and she’d had to fight everyone doing it. So she understands, sort of, where Five is coming from. That at least warrants some measure of patience.

A hand appears on her shoulder. Maxine jumps a mile and whirls to find the subject of her thoughts standing behind her, looking inappropriately abashed—be it from her earlier behavior or the fact that she’d scared Maxine just now, the doctor isn’t sure.

“Five,” she exclaims. “I didn’t hear you come up.”

The teen flashes her a grim smile, no teeth. Maxine wants to kick herself. Of course Five can’t call out a hello. Off to a fantastic start already, Maxie.

I’m sorry, Five signs to her. Thank you for the pills.

Maxine stares at her. “You’ll take them?”

Five watches her with a furrowed brow, like she’s trying to read between the lines. That’s what you want, right? she signs with a shrug. Doctor’s orders?

Maxine wants to tear her hair out. This is like trying to navigate a minefield! She inhales deep, keeping a lid on her emotions. “What do you want, Five?”

Five doesn’t have to sign this one—the startled look on her face speaks for itself. Maxine elaborates, “Do you want the meds or not? If you don’t want them I’m not going to force them down your throat. I just figured it would be nice to balanced again. I know you’re going through a hard time, especially lately—”

And at that Five snorts and throws her hands up. Everyone is going through a hard time right now. She spreads her arms wide, indicating the apocalypse as a whole probably. Everyone has something wrong with them.

Maxine holds the teen’s eyes. “I don’t care about everybody else. I care about you.”

Brief incredulity crosses Five’s face, and doesn’t that just hurt more than the barbed words the Runner is signing? Does she really not believe that she’s her friend?

Five seems to read her face, because she shakes her head and looks away. It’s not that, she signs. I know you care.

“You just don’t believe me.”

I believe you think you care, Five counters.

“You don’t think I know you well enough to know?”

I think I lie well.

It’s said so simply Maxine is startled into silence. Five is very matter of fact stating it, almost cold, but Maxine knows what she’s doing.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she prods softly.

Five sighs, caught. She has to think about it, looking anywhere but Maxine’s face. It’s not that I don’t want it, she allows finally. There are so many other people, they need it more.

“And you think you don’t need it.”

I’m alive, right? It’s signed with a sardonic grin, such a spot on reflection of Sam’s earlier self-deprecating smirk it’s eerie. Maxine suddenly understands exactly what Sam meant when talking about Five’s masks.

She shakes herself and carefully maps out how to tread going forward. “Five, you’re not a robot. Nobody expects you to keep going when you reach your limit—”

But they do, Five corrects. I do have to. Or the world ends, remember? Or people die? And her face crumples. People die anyway.

Maxine knows that’s for Simon. She pushes the pang back. “Five, death is not your limit. You know that, don’t you? You don’t exist just to keep other people happy. You do it really well, and I will forever be grateful for that, but I’d rather have you happy and failing than—”

Happy? Five’s brows shoot up, and she huffs a laugh that’s all air and no voice. “Happy” isn’t real. I cannot fix me not being happy. I cannot be happy for you. It doesn’t work like that.

She seems to be on the verge of something. Maxine studies her. Her shoulders are rigid straight, her almond shaped eyes bright and wide, her lips pursed, her fingers fists. It’s then Maxine realizes, all of a sudden, that nothing she says is going to help Five.

She doesn’t understand the girl at all.

That said, she can listen. Five needs to get this out. She doesn’t talk much, Maxine knows, outside of mission reports and whatever conversations she has with Sam. And it can’t be nearly enough to get out everything the teen feels on any given day. That’s unhealthy even without them being smack dab in the middle of an apocalypse, where they can die at any moment and lose people they care about. Maxine doesn’t know a damn thing about where Five came from and who she’s lost, and that’s hardly fair. The least she can do is provide the outlet Five sorely needs, even if she doesn’t realize it.

So she waits, and sure enough, Five’s hands come up again. Maybe before, it would be okay for me to have pills, she says, fingers trembling. Before, when I was not the majority and I was sick and I deserved special treatment. But now, everyone is sick and broken and wrong. I can’t complain about it hurting because everyone hurts. It doesn’t make me special.

Maxine has to bite back her argument. Nothing she says Five will believe, but God that’s so wrong Five is special she is important she is allowed to hurt and get help for it and to be treated like she’s precious—

But Five isn’t done. If I can do my job, I can stay. I can protect the people I care about and it will be okay. I have made it this far without pills.

“But unhappy,” Maxine points out, unable to help herself, unhappy too.

Five smiles again. It doesn’t reach her eyes. Did you read the background in my file? And when Maxine shakes her head: I was diagnosed when I was eight. I didn’t get medication until I was fifteen. I had pills for seven months before D day. I will not take away medication I don’t need from people who do. I won’t.

The admission makes Maxine’s mouth go dry. Eight. Eight years old. She can’t even imagine Five being eight years old. She tries to picture a scowling child, hardened already by life’s hardships and the glitches in DNA she can’t control, and can’t quite manage it.

Five nods once, as if confirming Maxine’s thoughts, but the doctor gives her a small smile. “Five,” she starts, gently, “I can’t even begin to understand what it’s like.” The teen remains guarded, sensing a catch—even though there isn’t one. “There was a time when I suffered through a few depression episodes myself. And I know it’s not the same, I know “once upon a time” doesn’t even come close to how you feel every day since you were eight.”

As long as I can remember, Five confirms.

Maxine takes a breath. “That said, you have to know that Dr. Mulligan and I discussed it and we can afford to part with the medication you need. We have balanced it, compared notes, determined probabilities. Between you and the other Runners, we have and will probably continue to have the resources to spare, with plenty left over, to get you started on Zoloft and Trazodone. And if we run out, then we run out, and I will let you know far ahead of time so we can either replenish supplies or wane you off it so you don’t have to cold turkey it, but the point is, I am offering you this because I can afford to, because I have the ability to and because I want to. Because you are my friend and I care about you, and even if you can’t be happy I can at least help you stabilize.”

Five’s still waiting for the but, and Maxine smiles. “So what do you say?”

You’re sure. You’re sure it won’t hurt anybody. Five holds Maxine’s gaze as the doctor nods, and her eyes suddenly fill with tears. Okay, she signs, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Maxine opens her arms, and Five—so adverse to touch—throws herself into them.

Eight years old, Maxine thinks, stroking Five’s hair as the Runner cries soundlessly into her chest. Jesus.

-

Two months later and Five shows up in the lab, rapping her knuckles to grab Maxine and Paula���s attention.

“Five!” Maxine exclaims, getting up off the bar stool. “Come on in, honey, we were just discussing names for the baby.”

The teen arches her brows. Without Sam?

“Oh no, he’s given us his input,” Paula says with a laugh, holding up the list of names the radio operator had scrawled out. “I can’t even read most of these.”

Five grins—the expression lights up her entire face, and even though Maxine’s had months to get used to it the change still surprises her. She looks so much younger smiling like that. Maybe I can help, she signs, pulling up a stool herself. I can read anything.

“I don’t know, Five.” Paula clucks her tongue and turns the paper towards her. “This chicken scratch is worse than Maxie’s when she’s rushing.”

“Unkind,” Maxine says, giving her girlfriend a smack on the shoulder. She smiles at Five. “Anyway, we still got a ways to go before we have to worry about that. How are you doing? Really?”

The teen ducks her head, a show of bashfulness that usually comes from people showing they care about her. She still hesitates, unsure of anything that appears to be free and without consequence, but around Maxine she’s relaxed exponentially. I’m good, she signs, one-handed. Very good. I think they’re working.

“Well that’s good,” Maxine says, beaming. “Dr. Mulligan told me that you seem brighter and more regulated, too, so score one for us, right?”

Five nods, somewhat jerkily, glancing up and then away in the same second. Maxine doesn’t press, and sure enough the teen continues haltingly. I wanted to say thank you. I’d forgotten what it was like to be this high. I’m sorry I fought you on it.

“Five,” Maxine starts gently, “I can’t fault you for not wanting to take away resources from people. That was really noble of you. But you know that even if we were low on medication, I still would have given it to you, right?”

That brings out a spectacular frown of disapproval from the teen, but Maxine holds up a hand so she can finish. “Because regardless of you being important to the Township, you are important to me. And I want you to be okay. Actually I want you to be happy, but, you know. Baby steps.”

“The same goes for me too, Five,” Paula adds.

Five smiles at floor. Maxine reaches out and squeezes her arm once, aware that a good chunk of her mothering towards the teen is pure hormones—but honestly, if she can get in good practice and give Five a piece of the childhood she’d never had at the same time, then she isn’t complaining.

And neither is Five, despite the awkwardness that comes with accepting gifts she doesn’t think she deserves. But they’re working on it, and that’s all that really matters.

Five reaches again for the paper and glances through it. Then she points at a name and fingerspells it for them.

“Sara,” Maxine reads, trying it out. Warmth spreads through her as she ponders the name. Paula grabs her hand, soft and sweet and real and here. Maxine smiles at Five.

“It’s perfect,” she says.

[victoriareyloficlists]

12 April 2021 Additions to Reylo Fluff

These fics have been added to the Fluff lists located in the following lists:

Fluff Part 1 Titles A-G

Fluff Part 2 Titles H-M

Fluff Part 3 Titles N-S

Fluff Part 4 Titlez T-Z

Zombie Run by OptimisticBeth (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: During a charity run, Rey is relentlessly pursued by a zombie.) The Road Taken by gogoburritos (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey pulls a prank on her housemate Ben. She doesn't expect it to turn out so well.) Loose Change by spicytofuuuu (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "I ate your pizza. It was a desperate move. I'm sorry. Not proud of myself. Here is $4." An Oh-My-God-They-Were-Roommates, They-Have-One-Single-Shared-Brain-Cell fic.) just say you love me by darthswift13 (AO3 2021  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey gets drunk on Saturday nights and confesses her true feelings for her roommate Ben, only to forget on Sunday mornings. Will Rey ever be able to confess her feelings when sober?) r/Relationships by elle_reads (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's new roommate moves in just before a shelter-in-place order is issued. It's just the two of them—and Reddit, of course.) The Sublet by javajunkie (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Rose sublet their spare room to Ben Solo.) Knock Me Down by commandercrouton (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben gets a concussion thanks to Rey.) Love in the Language of Sweaters by SaintHeretical (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Corporate executive Ben Solo mocks holiday sweaters until he sees the delivery girl wear them.) You Need a Tutor by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 28 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is an engineering student who finds herself struggling with calculus. Desperate, she goes to the math tutoring center on campus for help. Meanwhile, Ben Solo is a grad student who's required to work a certain amount of hours in the math tutoring center. When Ben reluctantly offers to help Rey with her work, a relationship forms between them that neither are expecting.) Five Times That Ben Saved Rey's Valentine's Day & How She Forever Saved His by AnneAnna (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben makes a confession in his wedding speech: He knew he was going to marry Rey when he and Rey were 4 years old and she gave him a Valentine she made and colored herself. And 21 years later, he still has that Valentine.) Newspaper Hearts by Celia_and (AO3 2021  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “She made her Valentine’s cards. She tore hearts out of newspaper and glued them onto used envelopes and painstakingly wrote each child’s name. She probably spent days making them. And you know what she wrote on mine?” He doesn’t need to read it to know what it says, so he looks down at her instead, and the hand on her heart and the tears in her eyes. “Ben: You are OK. Rey.”) When the party ends by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets wasted at a frat party. Ben finds her, puts her in his room, where she's safe. Rey wakes in the morning after Ben comes out of the shower and nakedness ensues.) Fleeced by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: AU where Rey is a mechanic and Ben is her grumpy client. Ben is car shopping and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend so the dealer won't screw him over.) My Sandwich by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Someone took Ben's turkey sandwich at work, he is infuriated and eager for revenge, until he finds out it was Rey then those feelings no longer exist.) Sleepyhead by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben, a mere himbo, tucks a stray hair behind Rey's ear in class. He knows he deserves the hot coffee in her hand to be thrown in his face and yet he gets a date. ) When You Know It by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben finds out his roommate Rey has never had someone to celebrate valentine's with, so he sends her 25 roses, one for every year she's been alone, in attempt to make her feel better.) Port in the storm by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey pretends to be afraid of thunderstorms so she has an excuse to sleep next to Ben. Ben figures it out when he races home early after seeing thunder, fearing Rey will be crying alone curled up in a ball, only to find her totally chill and eating ice cream.) Neighborly by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and her son move into a new apartment and meets her new neighbor Ben and his cute dog.) Tinder and Cinder by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey joins tinder after a long long dry spell due to her flatmate Kylo's derision, they argue about why and in a fit of jealousy Kylo screams out 'use me instead.') Traditions gotta start somewhere by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Christmas Tree vignettes of Rey and Ben over the course of their relationship.) All of my wishes came true with you by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Fantasy AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey works on a wishfarm for Plutt. One day after she's out of wishes, she catches the star of a man who wishes for an end to his loneliness. She pockets it and after a particularly rough day she grants it with herself.) Knot It by MotherofScavengers (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Omega Rey’s heat starts early, the Alpha friend who agreed to assist her is nowhere to be found. When she unexpectedly meets Ben, the delicious smelling Alpha offers his help...and his knot.) It's You by SpaceWaffleHouse (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey have been costars for years when the time comes for them to film their first kissing scene. Neither of them ever expected their soul marks to appear in the process.) Through the Years by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 10 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo and Rey Jakkson meet on the playground as children under unusual circumstances and quickly become best friends. This fic follows them through the years, showing glimpses of their friendship as it slowly progresses into something more.) I Hate You by orphan_account (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben has been in love with Rey for two years and so when she storms into his office he finally decides he can't keep it in any longer.) In Small Packages by DyadamDriver (AO3 2018  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It was then that Ben realised three things. 1. He had never had a cat in his life. 2. He had no idea what these little things ate. 3. He had a crippling crush on his neighbour.) ignorance of etiquette by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Regency AU, Quick Synopsis: Lady Rey Kenobi lives a life of pristine comfort and luxury on her family's estate in Chesire with her parents Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lady Satine Kenobi. When they receive word that an old family friend, Lord Benjamin Solo, is coming to visit, Lady Rey is reminded of how he tormented her as a child. She decides that she will prove herself not the same girl she once was in more ways than one.) heaven in hiding by blessedreylo (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: They say it's impossible for a guy and girl to be "just friends", but Rey and Ben had managed to discredit that throughout their decade long friendship. What they both have is special, that people would often arrive at the conclusion the two were made for each other. He's her safe haven, her rock. She gives him a sense of clarity and direction. Ben and Rey know each other more than anyone ever possibly could. Therefore on Valentine's Day, their friends decided to secretly set them up together on a blind dinner date.) a quiet storm by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets off to Kylo Ren, a popular audio erotica account online. She hasn’t been on a date in so long until her friend Rose sets her up on a blind date with her boyfriend's coworker, Ben. They seem to be hitting it off and finding that they have a lot in common, but she can’t help but think that he sounds so...familiar.) key to the kingdom by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Princess Diaries AU, Quick Synopsis: Most girls get a drunk weekend in Vegas for their 21st birthday, but Princess Rey Kenobi gets the chance to rule the country of Alderaan. But the only way she can become Queen is if she marries a man in 30 days, or the throne goes to the selfish (and annoyingly attractive) usurper Lord Benjamin Solo. Will Rey be able to ascend to the throne or will it all just become a royal pain in the ass?) fueled by fire by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben annoys the hell out of Rey when he tries to write passive aggressive notes about where she leaves her stuff. Rey pisses Ben off by being loud and picking a fight whenever she wants. Being neighbors for the last five months has been interesting to say the least. Their little rivalry comes to a crescendo when their hate for each other turns into another kind of passion.) 1 April Fool by Maloreiy (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "Honk! Act like you know me! My name is Ben!" Rey sees the sign on the car when she pulls up to the grocery store, and decides to play along. The giant, surly man, apparently named Ben, is not amused.) when I look to you by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 7 Chapters, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: Best friends since Year Three, Gryffindor's Ben Solo and Rey Niima navigate their final year at Hogwarts. When exposed feelings and unrequited romance get in the way of their friendship, they wonder whether they'll survive the school year.) Dreaming of Hope by adamsackleriskyloren83 (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren goes to bed one night only to awaken as Rebel Pilot Ben Solo. Discovering that not only is Rey his wife, but he is also the father of a toddler(s) son/daughter.) Talk Nerdy To Me by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grad student Rey is addicted to watching nature documentaries narrated by the mysterious Kylo Ren. In fact, listening to him recite animal facts is her favorite masturbation inspiration. One day, the poetry class she TAs for has a guest lecturer: Ben Solo, a large, cranky man with gorgeous hair, adorable glasses... and a very compelling voice.) Everything You Are by kereia (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: But the thing she loved most of all, the thing that she was downright addicted to, was the way Ben reacted whenever she touched him.) Eggplant Emoji by trasharama (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A desperate Rey seeks refuge in Poe and Ben's spare bedroom. Ben didn't know she was a girl when he agreed to the roommate trial period--and now she won't stop sexting him? Climb aboard the Smutty McSmuttSmutt train!)

[willownoir1112]

Hello you beautiful people of Tumblr! Wyn here with day two of White Rose Week! I am humbled by the wonderful response my day one submission received, and I hope everyone continues to enjoy as we continue onward!

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Rules

No one, not even a Goddess, can ever predict a zombie apocalypse. But, to a well organized, if overly sugared mind, even a plague of brain eating former people can be survived. And if said mind is kept in check by an equally overly caffeinated, blueberry and cute dog adoring brain, well, even an attack by creatures even the Grimm fear due to not being immune may in fact be survivable.

"Listen up!" Ruby Rose roars as she looks about at the gathered survivors of Beacon Academy, which had been hit hard by the initial wave of the undead. They have all gathered inside the auditorium, which has been turned into a small fortress by the group of survivors in their desperation and fear. "My beautiful white wolf and I have been planning for this since second year, and we've come up with some rules that everyone needs to follow if we're going to survive this."

"Rules?!" Cardin Winchester cries out in terror as he sits next to a boarbatusk that is actually trembling in fear. "What good are rules against things that won't die?!"

Weiss Schnee sighs as she looks at him with sympathy for his obviously missing brain, thus making him a hundred percent safe from the rampaging hordes. "Because if we follow this list of simple rules, we will keep ourselves and others safe, you ignoramus. Or do all of you want to end up like Jaune?" She points out.

Every single head, whether it belongs to a Grimm, a human, or a faunus shakes vigorously. The blonde in question having made the mistake of approaching what they all believed to be a sick little girl. To their horror, they all watched in an odd detached fascination as the child proceeded to knock him down and start feasting on his face, while his screams turned into something that was simply not human. 

Then the rest of the zombie hordes descended upon them, which is how they all found themselves inside Beacon's auditorium, which was the closest shelter they could safely reach.

"Any other questions?" Ruby calls out, once again getting vigorous headshakes as well as murmured responses in the negative. "Ok, good! Now, let's get started!" She declares as she turns towards a salvaged chalkboard from an otherwise empty storage room and begins to write vigorously. "Rule number one, Cardio! To escape a pursuing zombie you'll need to out-run it, and that means being in good shape!"

"Welp, I'm doomed!" Automne Ombre from team TAPE declares sullenly, his leader, Tyra, nodding in agreement.

"Rennie, I promise Yang and I will take turns carrying you!" Nora Valkyrie declares as she hugs her best friend, who has a look of acceptance for his fate on his face.

Weiss shakes her head. "Ren, you and several others will need to work on your endurance. Or get very good at climbing trees and buildings."

"Arrrr. Roo, ruff ruff." A beowolf barks out next.

"He wants to point out that several Griffons have been turned as well." The Hound declares calmly from where it sits next to Weiss's twin sister Willow, her new Master.

"It was a pleasure to know you all." Ren deadpans seriously as he untangles himself from Nora. But to everyone's surprise, he suddenly strides to Emerald Sustrai and sweeps her off her feet and into a deep kiss.

"Now that's a kiss!" Ruby declares, while Weiss holds up a sign with a number nine on it. Blake holds up an eight, and Yang enthusiastically waves a ten over her head.

"Ahem, can we continue?" Professor Goodwitch calls out, even as she keeps staring nervously at the scroll held in hands threatening to shatter the device if they hold it much more tightly. "Please, Mina. Please answer me." She mutters.

"Fair enough. Ruby, rule number two please?"

"Number does! Double Tap! When in doubt, don't get stingy with your bullets!" The Reaper declares enthusiastically as she brandishes her Crescent Rose above her head.

"As we have all learned now, most zombies won't die from just one hit unless it's a shot to the head, and it will instead get up in very little time - and will then bite you." Weiss continues as the rabbit faunus fawns over her beloved weapon. "The most effective way to prevent this is to take a second shot or a follow up hit to their head which will stop them from attacking again, and surely one more shot can't do too much harm! For this to work, you will need at least two shots in your weapon at all times so you can double tap without having to worry about reloading in time."

You usually won't get that time!" Ruby singsongs before she returns to hugging her sweetheart.

"Luckily, the second shot should be easier as the first shot should take the zombie to the floor and temporarily prevent the zombie from moving." The white wolf finishes before Gibbs slapping her girlfriend. "Stop that, dolt!"

"And just what are you going to do, Weiss?" Blake calls out as she sits next to Ilia, who is staring in fascination at the full sized Drake that has managed to squeeze into the auditorium with them.

"I'm the first tap!" Ruby declares menacingly.

"And I'm the second, Kitten." Weiss follows up coldly.

"I'm convinced." Yang declares firmly as she sits next to Nora, who is watching in surprise as Ren continues to make out with a still surprised Emerald. "So what's the next rule, sis?"

"Limber Up!" She declares enthusiastically. "Before going into a zombie-infested area, you'll need to prepare for the impending running by limbering up."

Cinder Fall, who is sitting next to a shell shocked Pyrrha, holds up her hand. "Hold up! This one doesn't make much sense!"

Dr. Ara Ebony stands while nodding. "I hate to inform you of this, but despite the common notion that stretching prior to exercise reduces the chance of injury, or prepares you for a run, most modern studies point to muscle and tendon stretching exercises prior to engaging in heavy cardio actually reducing performance and increasing the likelihood of muscle, joint, and connective tissue injury." She explains calmly, getting a groan from the Reaper.

"I told you that was a ridiculous rule, Dolt." Weiss adds in agreement.

"Fine! Forget that one!" She sighs as she looks around. "Then let's go with the Buddy System!" She declares as her grin returns. "You can't always look in front of you and behind you at the same time."

"Even though the common zombie has so far proven themselves to be slow they can still surround you and trap you in a corner, so with the help of a buddy you have a better chance of clearing and keeping an area safe." The white wolf explains as she smiles. "There is also another great reason to follow this rule which would be in case you get an injury the assistance of another person can be perfect for this situation."

Velvet stands and looks around. "And, if you don't want to be with people, It's easier using a handgun to your head." 

"We have plenty of them stashed in our dorm room!" Coco adds with a cocky smirk.

"How about sharing some then?!" Cardin cries out. "I don't even own a squirt gun!"

"Apologize to my sister, and we'll talk." Sasha Scarlatina, who is in her first year growls out, her own girlfriend Sarah Arc next to her and already counting her ammo.

To everyone's complete and total surprise, the young man walks to the rabbit faunus and falls to his knees in front of her. "I'm sorry." He declares loudly enough to be heard by everyone present. "I'm an asshole, and I honestly don't deserve a single bit of kindness anyone would show me, but I'm not ready to die."

"Apology… accepted." Velvet whispers, getting a nod from Ruby and Coco both. "Admitting you're an ass is the first step."

"Let us continue." The white wolf looks at her dolt, who nods as she steps forward.

"Don't be a hero." Ruby declares sadly, while looking at the sealed off doors to the auditorium. "It's possibly the most important rule of all. Don't risk your own life just to make yourself look good."

"When taking risks in our new reality, there is always the possibility that you might get eaten alive by zombies. This isn't a risk you want to be taking so rather than trying to go for the "bad boy or bad girl look", Yang." 

"Hey! Not during all this crap!" The Brawler calls back.

"Just simply take a step back and keep yourself safe. Unfortunately, you won't make yourself look too impressive if a zombie is currently biting into your arm. However, remember that there are certain circumstances where perhaps this rule should be ignored, so that maybe you save someone who makes staying alive worth it, or making sure that you will still have a partner to back you up later - as they might be responsible for saving your life later. Always follow this rule... except when you shouldn't." Weiss stops and smiles at Ruby, who grins back at her.

"I'd definitely break it for you, Snowflake!"

"I know you would, my dolt."

"Blargh!" Nora pantomimes gagging, getting scattered laughter from the gathered survivors. 

"Miss Rose, may I add one last rule?" Headmaster Ozpin, who has silently sat next to a shocked into silence Celestia Peach this whole time, calls out.

"Well sure, Headmaster!" Ruby replies while she looks at the instructor with some concern. "And is Professor Peach ok?"

"She will be fine once she gets the image of Jaune being eaten alive out of her head." He replies as he stands and joins them at the podium. Clearing his throat, he takes a sip of coffee before beginning. "Enjoy the little things. As well as surviving all the zombies which obviously will soon be dominating our world, you'll also need to maintain a happy and sane state of mind by keeping positive."

Glynda nods as she joins him, a rare smile on her face as her daughter Silentia sleeps in her arms. "With the constant stress of staying alive with little time to put down your gun and rest, it's important that whenever you do get the time, you spend it on entertaining yourself. Of course, soon it will not be easy to entertain yourself in any extravagant way such as playing games, playing sports or watching trivid. So instead it's best to enjoy the little things that come your way whether that be having fun with another survivor, enjoying a luxury you come across, lying back and forgetting about all the problems in the world or even just destroying a whole bunch of little things. Without enjoying the little things, it's all too easy for you to lose sanity and peace of mind from the constant stress and pains of staying alive."

"We… We really can survive this, can't we?" Velvet murmurs quietly, getting nods from everyone present.

"We sure can, Velvet!" Ruby declares enthusiastically as she loads a fresh magazine into her weapon. "I'm gonna go set up on the roof and clean out the crowd. Maybe we can make it to the cafeteria before we get too hungry."

"I'll come spot for you, Ruby." Blake volunteers as she stands, a nervous Ilia whining as she clings to the panther's hand. "Stay with Weiss, ok?" She asks quietly, getting a nod in response.

"The rest of us need to prepare to reach the cafeteria. We can use tables to barricade the doors and whatnot." Weiss adds as they begin to busy themselves. But one thought runs through all their minds as Weiss gets them prepared and Ruby and several others begin to snipe the undead hordes...

When happened to them to convince them to prepare all these rules?

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-Two Years Ago, November 1st-

Weiss Schnee has regrets. Serious, unadulterated, never ending regrets. After attending her girlfriend's seventeenth birthday party, then going trick or treating (which was fun no matter how much she denied it), the two of them settled down to watch Dr. Merlot's Halloween Scare-a-Minute zombie movie marathon. 

Under normal circumstances, the white wolf and her red rabbit would have laughed their way through the rediculous, often borderline idiotic movies, but this year? Oh no, this year Dr. Merlot upped the horror and gore factors to eleven, then unleashed them on the pair of overly sugared and caffeinated, overly sleep deprived young faunus women, with devastating results.

Daybreak found the two of them huddling in Ruby's old treehouse in abject terror as they clutched their weapons in hands that have gone numb from the pressure. Neither of them dare to sleep, for fear of an undead horror reaching them and eating their precious overly agitated, far past rational thinking brains. 

"Ruby?"

"Yeah Weiss?"

"We need a plan." The white wolf points out as she stares at the trap door to the treehouse, which is currently blocked by a pillar of ice created by her when they fled to the safety of the small hide away in the trees.

"A plan?" The rabbit faunus asks nervously, her finger still on Crescent Rose's trigger and terror in her eyes. Her foot long ears are still twitching and swiveling as she strains all four ears to hear the unmistakable noise of a person's skull being cracked open like an egg to create a zombie feast. "Snowflake, it might be too late for a plan."

"Rules then. Rules we can use to stay alive during the hell of the zombie apocalypse." The white wolf declares as she struggles to both hold her weapon as well as keep her eyes open. "Like a rule about a buddy system."

"You're definitely my apocalypse buddy, Snowflake." Ruby declares as one long ear flops down, the Reaper no longer having the energy to keep it held up in the air. "What about cardio?"

"That is important too." Weiss admits with a yawn as her finger slips off of Myrtenaster's trigger. "And perhaps one about double tapping?"

"Uh huh." Ruby replies sleepily as her other ear falls next, her weapon starting to slowly lower itself to the floor. "And stretching. Don't forget stretching…"

"That's a stupid rule…" The white wolf declares with a yawn as her head slowly makes contact with her taller girlfriend's shoulder. "Think we're forgetting one…"

"It's ok…" The red rabbit admits as her head lowers to sit on her girlfriend's. "We'll think of more later…

[ghostmartyr]

how a life can move from the darkness [6/?]

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

Summary:  Two drug addicts (Eren and Historia) meet in group and decide to be roommates to make their  living situation slightly less weird. From there we do the slow burn  found family dance mixed in with the struggles and agonies of recovery. Heavy on friendship feels, especially EMA. Eventual yumikuri.

“What the fuck did you do to this thing?”

Eren was in Reiner’s house for breakfast.

He’d been in Reiner’s house earlier, before they left, to drop off Ymir’s book on the dining table. It had felt like the safest way to handle it. He didn’t see how sharing either of the experiences of Ymir’s latest readers with her would do anything good. Ymir was socially aware enough to get what a silent return meant. She didn’t spend hours staring at her phone to send off a, “did you get home ok?” text that arrived when every possible recipient was asleep. She could read between the lines.

The only lines Ymir looked to be caring about were the gouges marking the formerly neatly divided pages. Where they had collided with a door.

There were a few other suggestive wrinkles Eren had not asked about.

Ymir wasn’t interested in that kind of tact.

“It ran into a door,” Eren said, reaching around Bertolt for the orange juice.

“If you were going to use that excuse, you should have spent it on your face. Let the tennis ball take the fall for this.” Ymir was flipping the pages back and forth in disgust. She hadn’t looked at him once after confirming that he had made it inside complaining range.

Reiner had snatched some bacon off the frying pan, and was munching on it happily by the sink. He hadn’t seen anything wrong with the book. Eren didn’t, either. He was surprised she’d noticed. After a day in his backpack, most of his borrowed books from Armin looked about the same.

“It isn’t an excuse,” Eren said around his glass, “it’s what happened.”

Ymir turned the book over and inspected some less explainable marks, about the size of a very tiny human’s fingernail, on the cover. “I suppose this time it’s also your roommate’s fault.”

Eren chose not to answer that.

Ymir chose to use her seventh or eighth sense of mind reading and finally took her eyes off her book long enough to run a scan on Eren.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Eren put his glass down with more force than he intended to, drawing a pointed look from Bertolt. “There are only a few marks on it,” he said. “Everything’s still legible.”

Ymir went on pretending Eren wasn’t in the room while aiming conversation at him. “Has she considered an anger management class? Or sticking to throwing things at you?” Ymir mimed taking aim at him with enough irritation that Eren had to stop himself from ducking. “Why’d she even have it?” she asked. “I thought Reiner gave it to you to stave off your raving curiosity about the wild world of fuzzy hand-holding feelings.”

“I was trying to keep busy,” Eren said.

Ymir flopped the book down on her lap. “Then how did Lady Throws-a-Lot end up with it?”

Eren retrieved a plate of toast for himself, and set to work buttering it.

“…You didn’t read it, did you?”

Bertolt, in some misguided attempt at help or more misguided attempt to make Ymir feel some sort of guilt for forcing her work on people, said, “That’s allowed.”

Ymir ignored him the way none of the rest of them managed with her. “So you tossed it off on your roommate, and she threw it into a door.” She draped herself over the back of the couch, a very deep scowl etched in her face. “Nothing like knowing your art’s appreciated.”

Eren might have felt bad. Only the book had reminded him and everyone who lived with him of some of the worst moments of their lives. Ymir could figure out how to suck up two people not liking her book. Bertolt didn’t exactly keep how he felt about her writing a secret, and they got on fine.

“Wait,” Ymir said suddenly, “is she the one who left that bitchy review on Goodreads?”

Eren didn’t know what Goodreads was. He also didn’t think any of Historia’s thoughts on Ymir’s book were printable.

“She is.”

Eren swallowed his toast. “I have no idea. Is it that weird for you to get a bad review?”

“It’s weird for her to care several days later,” Bertolt muttered.

“It was a pretty bad one,” Reiner interjected. “Most of the people who don’t like her stuff drop her star average and leave it at that. This one went on for paragraphs about where the book went wrong. Being bothered by that isn’t so weird.”

“I’m not bothered,” Ymir said loudly. “Except by Eren’s bad taste existing in a second person on this bitch of an earth. Is that how you ended up living together? ‘Help, keeper wanted. Must have no standards.’”

There was something wrong in the world that in all their time knowing each other, Eren was the only one who’d had something thrown at him. “…That isn’t what happened.”

“Say that again, but in your believable tone of voice.”

Eren crammed the rest of his toast in his mouth and chewed as slowly as he could, keeping his only eye contact with the stove and Bertolt’s tiny, oddly encouraging smile.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ymir slide the book over the coffee table and yank out her phone from her pocket, tapping faster than Eren did when he was successfully holding back from throwing his at something.

Reiner, dipping his head in the sink, looked over at her. “What are you doing?”

“A public service,” Ymir said mildly.

“The last one of those you did put you in jail,” Bertolt said.

Ymir’s fingers stopped moving, and the cloud of irritation surrounding her took a dip into something Eren didn’t think he’d want to handle after a full three meals, forget the middle of the first one. The house suddenly felt too quiet for four people. It was the kind of quiet that fell at meetings after someone opened up more than anyone was ready for.

Reiner had turned the water off, but didn’t grab a towel for his head. He stared down the drain, dangerously pale after the heated flush his workout had treated him to.

“Juvie,” Ymir corrected, tapping a full word out. “Court says I’m a delinquent, not a felon.”

Reiner let out a loud laugh they could all hear the panic in as Eren silently handed him a towel. Bertolt didn’t turn around from his place at the stove.

Eren finished his toast.

He’d never be able to tell Armin, and it wasn’t a good idea to bring it up, anyway.

But like he was about everything else in the known universe, Armin had been right. Moving out was the right call. He had too many ghosts in his head to keep sharing rent with the others.

He didn’t envy Reiner.

----

The thing about Mikasa, the thing that had driven him up the wall for years and years and still could kick off a good sulk if it happened at the wrong moment, was that she was the most amazing athlete Eren had ever met. There wasn’t a sport she couldn’t star in. There wasn’t a race she couldn’t win. There wasn’t a tournament she’d been in that hadn’t handed her some kind of trophy.

Zeke wasn’t going to just pass up on that.

Which was fine. Zeke cutting contact with Mikasa because Eren did had always been an unexpected help, so having it ripped away just as unexpectedly was fine. Zeke hadn’t exactly promised to help pace out Eren’s return to his friendships. Or ever brought it up at all.

All that meant was they were a trio today. Eren, Mikasa, and Historia. Playing catch until the inevitable moment where batting practice started and Mikasa would look at him wondering why his favorite part of practice had turned into something he didn’t make an attempt at.

Eren had done too many pathetic things for lurking behind the park bathrooms on his cellphone to rank anymore. That didn’t mean he was impressed with himself over it.

“You sure you can’t make it?” he asked, pressing his palms into the coarse cinder block wall. “Zeke runs his practices pretty long.”

“The test’s tomorrow,” Armin was saying, sighing. “I don’t want to spend all this time tutoring her only for nerves to ruin it. Sasha thinks she focuses better when I’m here, and…”

He trailed off, guilt and embarrassment saying what he wouldn’t. “She does?” Eren finished for him.

“I’m really sorry.”

“No—don’t—” Eren bit down on his hand to keep from shouting in frustration. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to take Armin apologizing normally again. “No one’s going to drag you out of tutoring to make you watch some boring practice. You’re where you should be.”

The other line stayed quiet for a stretch, catching the hum of the bus Armin was on. Eren made himself not think about that, and didn’t fail completely. That was basically a success.

“Eren, if you need me to be there… for whatever reason, you know I’ll be there.”

Eren’s heart clenched. “I’m fine, Armin.”

Wait, crap, he’d said that before.

“For real, this time.”

Phones were okay, sometimes. He couldn’t see all the memories darkening Armin’s face before he took his breath and changed the topic.

“Maybe we can see a movie to make up for it. If Mikasa gets you to herself, I should too. There’s a new zombie one that just came out. We could go?”

“You hate zombie movies,” Eren said flatly. “You don’t need to baby me, Armin.”

“…I know. Part of me…” Eren braced himself for the hit, but it still hurt. “Part of me is still scared you won’t pick up when I call. I just…” Armin sighed again. “I wish Sasha didn’t have a test tomorrow,” he said. “I don’t want to miss being with you.”

Eren had his forehead against the wall, and his heart hurt better than anything had in a long time. Even when Armin’s embarrassment caught up with him and he started stumbling through his words instead of reciting them off the script in his head.

“So I mean it on the movie. Any time I’m not in class. Or, well, if you wanted, Thursday’s professor isn’t very engaged with the material, so I wouldn’t mind—”

“A movie sounds great,” Eren said.

“…It does?”

“Yeah. It does.” Eren swapped hands. “Only I probably don’t want to watch zombie flicks either. Blood is…” Too much like the images flying through his head whenever he tried to pick up a baseball bat. He pressed harder against the wall, probably scraping his forehead and creating more questions for Mikasa to ask.

“We needed to update our movie list anyway,” Armin said.

Eren frowned sourly. “There’s nothing wrong with our list.”

“There’s a lot wrong with our list.”

He said that every movie night. “Bad special effects are fun, Armin.”

“They’re bad, Eren. Every time we rent one we’re encouraging them to be lazy.”

“Name one movie that’s come out in the last five years you approve of.”

“High standards aren’t a bad thing!”

“If we followed all of them we wouldn’t have a list.”

Eren could hear Armin’s near-silent sigh, and his mouth hurt from smiling.

“You’re sure you don’t need me?”

“Yeah,” Eren said. “Not with this, anyway. You’re still good to have around.”

“Do you want to—” Armin audibly cut himself off.

Talk about it?

This it?

No. Never.

Eren wasn’t looking forward to finding out when that absolute turned out to be just as wrong as all the other ones he’d snapped off during recovery.

Armin would always be Armin, but Eren was only now coming back to being Eren. He couldn’t float on that expectation. He closed his eyes and bit out the truth. “I’m not sure I’ll handle Mikasa worrying about it. It’s nothing huge, but it… it’s a change from before.”

A change he didn’t want to go over with just one of them around. Armin wouldn’t say anything. Eren wasn’t sure Mikasa could resist. Then if she could, it would only be because Eren had lost it on her the last time she’d tried to be good to him, and he wanted that even less than he wanted the questions.

He wasn’t a fan of baseball. Batting practice had always been the thing that made up for it. He couldn’t just hide that falling apart.

He couldn’t come up with a polite way to ask Mikasa to stay out of his problems. That sounded like half their normal arguments from the first note, and they were too far from normal to survive bringing that fight back into the ring now.

Armin’s voice brought him back from his brooding. “I think you know more about change than we do, Eren. Just… try not to yell at her. It will be okay.”

“You think?”

“…Try really hard not to yell at her.”

“Right.”

----

Eren didn’t yell.

He didn’t even get a chance.

Mikasa’s eyes, fragile and dangerous like broken glass, followed him on his way to put his glove in the dugout. Historia, trying to be a good friend and not having any more of a clue than Eren did, had briefly attempted to walk between them, but she seemed even weaker to Mikasa’s aura than Eren was, and broke off on her own before any real difference was accomplished.

She’d stopped pulling down her sleeves. Shadows of track marks slid open with every throw she’d lobbed his or Mikasa’s way, and nothing fell to pieces. Better yet, off in their own triad in the outfield, no one asked invasive questions about it.

After the conversation with Armin, he’d been more jealous than happy for her, but that had to be some kind of good sign.

Then Yelena had signaled them for batting practice, and Eren hadn’t hid his furtive look at Mikasa well enough, and that had snapped Historia’s worried eyes to both of them, and there was something fucked about wanting the people he lived for to just go away and be gone for a second, but he didn’t yell.

Leaving Mikasa watching him in silence, weighing her worry against all of the horrible wrongs he’d put her through once and could easily drag both of them back into if they didn’t keep their mouths shut around each other.

Worry was winning out. It was written all over her face, worse than with Armin. Because worry always won because she was the responsible, good one, and Eren wasn’t going to yell but his head was screaming, wanting his pills like he hadn’t in weeks—when Zeke walked over and lobbed a helmet Mikasa’s way.

“Eren’s out for batting practice. You’re up first, Mikasa.”

Worry turned to annoyance like only Zeke could bring out in her, and Eren’s fists relaxed enough for him to feel his hands again.

She put the helmet on and took up a bat, looking back at him one last time on her way out, but not broaching the unspoken topic further.

“She reminds me of Frieda,” Historia said, technically sitting next to him, but leaving enough space that anyone else who wanted to sit next to Eren still could.

“Wow,” Eren said. “High praise from you.”

Zeke started with a fastball. Mikasa fouled it off. The crack of the bat hurt Eren’s ears.

“She worried too much. I could never make it go away.”

Another fastball, another foul. Zeke didn’t usually throw that hard for the first batter.

“I still can’t.”

Zeke was going to go for a curveball after he worked Mikasa into a rhythm with her swings. Zeke liked the game part of the sport, and he’d liked winding Mikasa up ever since her cousin had punched him in the face. Mikasa would get the hit in the end, though. Batting practice, not pitching practice. Zeke took his baseball seriously.

“Armin told me to try not to yell at her,” Eren said.

Historia didn’t comment. Her fingers were digging silently into her scarred arms.

“It was never just that,” he said, “but trying not to yell at her used to take a lot of pills.”

Zeke finally threw his curveball, and Mikasa sent it flying back over his head. Colt sprinted back to the center field fence, but he’d need to be several yards taller for that to matter any.

She ripped off her helmet so fast she probably ripped out some of her hair, and she didn’t spare Zeke any attention on her way back to the dugout, Eren being personally rewarded all of it. She slipped into the space Historia had left her without question and stared at him. He stared over her shoulder and thought about a life where it didn’t make him think of orange bottles that didn’t belong to him.

Historia leaned back against the splintery planks walling them all together, a tiny—sympathetic when she noticed Eren’s irritated scowl—twitch that could have really been a smile on her face.

Mikasa spoke, and it wasn’t what he expected.

“Are you still okay?”

It was the highest mark of Mikasa’s approval that she didn’t lower her voice out of Historia’s range to go with the rest of the dugout’s, and Eren would love her for that if he ever stopped feeling like an inadequate idiot whenever Mikasa unveiled herself in all her steady perfection. Eren kept his mouth shut because all he could think of was ways to hurt her, and she opened hers up and actually found a thing that could keep him from wanting to yell.

He would never deserve these people.

He could still try.

“It’s a Dad thing,” he said, the truth making his mouth itch and the lightning bolt of surprise Mikasa couldn’t hide making his heart and knuckles ache. “Not a drug thing.”

They all quietly watched Yelena step up to the plate, not-so-casually looking back at their shadowed corner before she hefted the bat over her shoulder. Eren thought about glaring, but Historia hadn’t noticed anything about Yelena’s overt curiosity, and Historia not noticing was fine for their stabilizing sanity.

“Does Zeke know?” Mikasa asked.

“I don’t think he’d want to.” The funeral was one of the clearer memories Eren had from afterwards. Zeke was a blur in it. He’d asked once how Eren was feeling. Then he’d left. Then he’d taken him to rehab.

Historia caught his eye sharply.

Eren shrugged at her and watched Yelena hit a clean line drive. There wasn’t much to say about it. Historia had been right. That wasn’t what she’d been getting at, but it was what was there. Mikasa was his Frieda. Zeke was just his brother.

His big brother, who watched bad movies with him when he had a lousy day and never talked about feelings. Not his, not Eren’s, not…

Not their dad’s.

Zeke wouldn’t want to hear about why his death took away pitching for his little brother.

----

“Frieda never wanted to talk about it either.”

Eren was eating his cheerios with what Armin used to call his morning glower when Historia plopped across from him with her bowl. Neither of them was having a cooking morning. Eren had stayed in his room the whole night, but Historia had already been up when he walked out, texting someone under Benjamin’s tank. He would have assumed Frieda, but Frieda kept some strange hours that didn’t include sunrise.

“I didn’t know you had friends,” he’d said, waving good morning to Benjamin.

Historia had stopped typing mid-sentence, stared at him long enough for Eren to wonder if maybe the reason she was up was because she’d never gotten any sleep, and said, “I don’t.”

It wasn’t a talking morning, either. He’d thought.

Historia, stirring milk into the cereal she wasn’t eating, had maybe changed her mind about that.

“Talk about what?” Eren asked.

“How I killed our father.”

The crunch of the cheerios in Eren’s mouth sounding like steel grinding on steel. He swallowed and dropped his spoon back in the bowl.

He sometimes thought the reason Historia didn’t talk during group was because her head couldn’t figure out when it’d been given the okay to talk about things, so she just took random guesses that landed these conversations wherever there was space for them. With some weird definition of space that included the other person being in an entirely different ballpark when she started swinging.

He was spending too much time near Zeke.

“She saw the police report, and everyone told her,” Historia said, “but I think she wants me to forget so badly she pretends she doesn’t know.” She poured more cereal out of the box on top of what she already had, not taking a bite. “I never wanted to talk about it with her, so I didn’t mind.”

“I don’t want to talk about it with anyone,” Eren said, morning glower in full bloom.

Historia closed the box. “You want Zeke to want you to.”

“Zeke had a bad relationship with our dad.” Eren jammed another spoonful of breakfast in his mouth and crunched through it on sheer will. “He doesn’t want to hear about it.”

“If he thought it would make you join batting practice he might.”

Armin used to flick cheerios at him in the morning when he thought Eren was starting the day with too much gloom. Eren thought about dumping his entire bowl on Historia’s head. He couldn’t do that, because she’d retaliate, and he had work. There wasn’t time for a second shower.

Following the spirit of belligerent aggravation anyway, he asked, “How’d you do it?”

“I stabbed him in the neck with a syringe of morphine.”

Eren stopped eating.

“Father had a drug problem,” Historia said. “He was an alcoholic, too, but none of the bottles would have worked unless I broke them ahead of time. The morphine was already set up.”

This was the problem with throwing his fists at one of Historia’s walls. There was always something ready to climb on through the crack and sink its teeth in. Eren let his hands rest on the counter. It made him feel less like he’d eaten an icicle instead of cheap cereal.

The marks on her arms were like tractor beams. Historia could glare at him all she wanted for it, she was the one who had death tattooed all over and kept talking about it. “…So you decided to kill yourself the same way?”

Historia contemplated her first spoonful of breakfast. “Petra says avoidance is only one coping technique.”

The snort that brought out wasn’t what Eren expected from himself. The icicle cracked, melting into something like the soup all of Historia’s stirring had turned her bowl into. He looked away from her scars and out the oversized windows that walled their apartment off from the rest of the world. Light was creeping in through the curtains, and they both should have finished eating by now.

He shoveled in another mouthful of cheerios. “Zeke gave it to me.” He swallowed and thought of blood drowning his hands and lost heartbeats and ticking anniversary watches and pills. “He’s the older one. I get all his hand-me-downs.”

Eren took another bite.

“I don’t want to talk about it, and he doesn’t want to hear about it,” he said. “We’re finally synched up.”

Historia’s phone buzzed across the counter with whatever notification it had from the person who wasn’t her friend. She snatched it up with a spark of annoyance so profound Eren was pretty sure she forgot all about him for a second. But she remembered to look up and give the conversation an option of ending.

“Okay,” she said.

Eren took it. Before he actually ended up late for work.

----

Ymir did not text Eren. She mocked him, she prodded every hole his t-shirts had and several they didn’t, she stole his jacket and wore it for a week when he accidentally left it at Reiner’s, she routinely told him how he was running his business wrong—but she didn’t text him.

Eren wouldn’t have guessed that she had his number.

Until he thought about what he knew of her as a person, which he tried not to do when she wasn’t in the room making him.

Ymir had texted Eren. In the middle of the night. With all of one sentence, followed by a series of tweets that Eren could feel a migraine building over.

Ur roommate’s a dick

Crystal Wick @Crys_Wickiland34 Replying to @distrustfund500 It’s a grand romantic gesture, sorry it went over your head.

distrustfund500 @distrustfund500 Replying to @Crys_Wickiland34 It’s idiotic.

Crystal Wick @Crys_Wickiland34 Replying to @distrustfund500 This from the person who throws tennis balls at people?

The last attachment was just a screencap of what Eren had to assume was Historia’s username.

tennisbomber500 @distrustfund500

No one had ever given Historia the Ymir 101 advice of ignoring Ymir. Because Historia had never been under any threat of meeting Ymir, and that should have been enough to save her.

Constructive emotional expression had come up at the last meeting. Petra probably wouldn’t call yelling at Ymir over a romance novel constructive or productive or healthy, but she’d never met Ymir either. Or watched Historia fall to pieces over things she never talked about. Unless the black eye counted, but that had been Eren on the ground.

Eren blinked at his phone for a second. The words were starting to blur. With a soft click, he gave up, closed his messages, and rolled over to go back to sleep, smiling a bit at the afterimage of the last text Armin had sent, demanding a blood oath promise to not name Benjamin’s new eel friend (if they got him one) Murray.

Ymir could stand to have someone annoy her for once in her life.

[next]

[writer-rochelle]

In the Still of the Night: Javier Peña x reader

(a/n originally this was a steve randle fic I cooked up once upon a sleepless night. but after re-reading it I decided to turn it into a javi one shot because pedro pascal owns my ass. this takes during season 2, specifically episode 6. Also for plot’s sake pretend you are a nurse who used to work with Connie) 

Javier trudged up the small flight of stairs that led to the front door of the apartment building. It had been another late night stuck behind a desk. Another late night with a plethora of leads that inevitably led nowhere. It had taken the pot of coffee he and Murphy had been drinking to gradually turn into hot burnt bean flavored water for the two exhausted Agents to finally throw in the towel. Maybe Javier could convince (y/n) to let him steal some of the gourmet coffee she had stashed at his place. 

Recently, he had taken to staying longer and later, trying desperately to weasel in the information he received from Los Pepes without causing suspicion. Javier knew he was on thin ice with Steve after that incident at the checkpoint when they were close to catching Blackie. It was a wonder his friend hadn’t let anything slip, but then again he knew Murphy was more inclined to let Javier deal with his shit on his own. Besides, he had told Steve he could handle it. Couldn’t he? 

Javier signed, leaning his forehead against the cool wooden door to his apartment. How had he never noticed how truly exhausted he was? He felt heavy, weighed down by all that had been happening in Columbia lately. His feet felt like cinder blocks as he took a step back to unlock the door. The seasoned agent wanted nothing more than to eat, sip an ice-cold beer, take a shower, and collapse into bed. Maybe he would be lucky enough to sleep soundly with little to no nightmares. Undisturbed till his alarm would sound off early the next morning. 

"Damn it", he groaned, searching blindly for his apartment key. He had forgotten to put it back on his key ring after he had made a copy for (y/n). He exhaled in relief, having found the piece of metal nestled in the pack of cigarettes in his breast pocket.  

‘I told you to put it back on there! One day you’re gonna lose that damn thing for sure, and I promise I’m not giving you my copy to get in!’, Javier smirked imagining his girlfriend scolding him. Her voice would be tinted with laughter, her threat empty. The pair had each other wrapped around their respective fingers. There wasn’t anything (within reason) that the young nurse wouldn’t do for Javier. And when the used to be bachelor was told he was whipped he simply shrugged and said, “Listen, when you really care for someone you’ll do whatever it takes to show them that. (y/n) says jump? I say how high.”

Much to the surprise of his colleagues (Steve included),  Javier had moved past the honeypot method to get what he wanted from certain informants. And to add more to the surprise, (y/n) was very much aware of the man Javier Pena used to be. It never ceased to amaze him how open-minded she was. Most women would have run-away after being told of the things he’d seen and done in the field. “At the end of the day, you come home in one piece to me. But don’t think about trying that crap again while you’re with me.” she had said one night during one of their few late-night conversations. 

"(y/n),cariño? You still here?", Javier called into the seemingly empty apartment. He stepped in, closing and locking the front door before moving towards the living room area where he threw his leather jacket over the arm of the cream-colored couch. All the lights were off, except the one in the kitchen. He turned on a lamp, the white envelopes sitting on the coffee table littered with some paperwork caught his eye. He’d deal with it tomorrow. 

"Babe?" he called again, climbing the steps that led up into the kitchen. He glanced at the clock built into the stove, the neon green glowing numbers reading 12:30. He spotted a plate of food resting on the small circle table, and a pink sticky note stuck to the top. He smiled softly, wondering how she managed to take care of herself, her busy workday, and still make time to cook for him. 

Javi,

I hope you came home at a decent hour. I’m still here, had a long day. You missed the dust bunnies I excavated from under your couch. 

Love, (y/n)

It read, her neat handwriting taking up little space on the small piece of paper. Javier paused a moment. Dust bunnies? Had she cleaned his apartment? He took a quick look around the area laid out in front of him. Gone were the empty bottles and cups he usually left lying around. The thin film of dust that usually graced his small television screen was gone, and it actually smelled nice in the room. The musty male and cigarette odor had been replaced with the smell of cleaning products and a candle she had left burning on the stove. Placing the note down, he turned to blow it out; the time now read 12:40. Javier turned to the fridge, grabbed a beer and took his lukewarm dinner in front of the TV in the adjoined living room. Maybe he could take a crack at some of those papers still sitting out there. 

[One hour later]

Javier woke with a start, the black and white static on the tv illuminating the room. He blinked blearily, standing up to stretch.  How long had he been asleep? He meandered over to the kitchen, disposing of his empty plate and bottle. The stove time now reading 3:00. 

‘May as well just head to bed, no point in showering now.’ Javier thought, making his way into his bedroom, turning off the few remaining lights as he went. 

He stood staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. Not necessarily enthralled with the tired, grumpy looking man staring back at him. The past few months had taken their toll on him, the bags under his eyes adding on a year or two. It didn’t help that  his vision hadn’t been up to par as of late either. He refused, however, to get glasses until absolutely necessary. He could already hear the jokes that would be made at his expense. “Having trouble in any other departments Pena?”

Rolling his eyes, he shut off the bathroom light and shivered as the cool ac hit his bare legs and chest. Clad in only his boxers, he moved out into the hallway, trudging zombie-like into his bedroom, his dark brown eyes taking a moment to adjust to the darkroom as he quietly shut the door behind him. Javier picked up on (y/n)’s soft breathing as she slept, everything but her head swallowed up by the thin white blanket on their bed. It was a wonder she had slept through the noise he had been making since he had gotten home hours earlier. She really must have had a long day. Ever since Connie and Olivia had left back to the States, the (y/h/c) nurse had taken more hours, helping to fill in the spot her blonde friend had left. And in some ways, maybe Steve had taken to staying longer to avoid an empty apartment. Something Javier had once been used to, but now the thought of having to start sleeping alone in his queen-sized bed made him cringe. 

An orange street light filtered in through his blinds, casting a soft spotlight onto the bed, drawing him closer. The "spotlight" shone on (y/n), illuminating the soft unique features of her face. Her mouth slightly open as quiet snores slipped through. Javier yearned to freeze time. To simply lay in this lumpy bed, with the most beautiful kind-hearted woman he’d ever met. His mother had only been the one other woman who cared this much about him, and it hurt that couldn’t she meet her. Javi was sure she’d love the passionate young woman as much as he did. He crept closer slipping under the covers, curling his arm around her waist to draw her closer to his bare chest. He lay a soft kiss to the back of her head, the sweet scent of her shampoo clouding his senses. He was content. 

“Javier? Is everything okay? What time is it?" the young woman mumbled her voice heavy with sleep, raising her head slightly to catch a glimpse of the alarm clock on the bedside table. 3:30 am.

"It's me, baby, everything is fine. Go back to sleep."

 "Okay. I love you."

"Love you too," the tired man said, kissing the back of her head as she fell back asleep. Javier lay awake for only a few moments more, finally succumbing to the slumber that was now his master.

Javier Pena knew that when the morning came he would have to return to that godforsaken office, and shift through the same pile of papers, and deal with the weight of his actions resting on his shoulders. But for the time being as he lay next to the love of his life in the fleetingly late hours of the night/early morning, he could pretend that he was just another man off the street, far away from Escobar, far from cocaine, and far from Columbia. 

A reality that only existed within the still if the night.

(i hope you all enjoyed my first Javi fic....and I hope i didn’t write him too OOC. Let me know what yall think, and my requests are open! more work to come soon. <3 roach) 

taglist: @sunshinepascal (dm to be added!) 

[stights]

outside by stight - serizawa katsuya/reigen arataka, 1,657 words. “he has to squint to catch the white blips of stars twinkling in the sky; this kind of black is comforting and all-encompassing, blanketing the world.” this is a work copied over from my ao3! i hope you enjoy -- and if you do, my ko-fi commissions are currently open!! i would love to write for you!!

i think i smell the rain again It’s nighttime when he steps outside. It’s the first nighttime in weeks; the concept of the sun and moon has blended into one and the wholesome swell of free spins on Gacha games remains all that he really needs, those ticking time-bombs, the vibrant firework displays of beaches and dates on a rooftop, of foreign lands and exploring with friends, of boat rides late in the afternoon and sleepy car rides, illuminated by the steady orange glow of streetlights dipping between cool windows. The people in the games aren’t ever him, though. He keeps the lights in his bedroom off just so he doesn’t see his reflection when the screen turns black, so frail and unlike those smiling cartoon figures. Sometimes he wishes he didn’t exist. There’s a certain kind of dark, disgusting guilt that comes with thinking you’re the only person of your kind in the universe, that you weren’t actually supposed to be here, on this perfect planet. He wishes he could blame his mother for these pathetic shortcomings but he can’t; the counsellors call him gifted and it’s perhaps the one thing he takes away from the sessions, greedily. Gifted. Gifted! He runs it through in his head like a mantra, if only to clutch the last sinews of human contact he’s had in months as tightly as he can. It makes him feel invincible as he lies in bed at night, that deep, comforting dip in his mattress, thinking about what he could do with this magnificent sort of gift, until he checks his phone and sees his old schoolmates’ new houses and wives and cars and he feels like screaming until his throat is hoarse, bitter, sobbing. Gifted. Gifted. fresh air awakens everything His bedroom is dark and musty and it smells like nothing and everything at the same time. Dread curls and spirals in the pit of his stomach when his mother enters the room - food? Laundry? Another therapist? - and stays dutifully quiet. He doesn’t often sprout the courage to look at the disgust thinly guised on her face because the room smells bad, awful, like himself, lines on her face illuminated by the dead blue glow of the television. She never stays long, never talks unless it’s necessary; their relationship isn’t amicable, but as he mulls over this thought long after she’s gone, leaving behind konbini platters and clean sweatpants, can he really say he has a single amity at all? The faces he sees are always smiling but they’re drawn to be that way, those model girls on dirty websites, or the counsellors except they’re ugly and they’re always talking down to him. They hate him, deep down. They want to go home to their families and the people that love them. The thought alone makes him squeeze his controller hard in his hands, feeling the plastic crack and snap. He is society’s cinder block. Out here, it smells good. The sensation shocks his lungs so much so that he doesn’t register the raindrops falling on his head until they splash his nose - it’s the special kind of cold that he can’t find from bottled konbini soda. It’s a reaction to expect his anger, one that he’s formed over fifteen years of isolation; he doesn’t like to be surprised, stopped celebrating his birthday two years in because that pink cake felt condescending. Why cherish the aging of a corpse? i hear the drizzle coming down And yet the raindrops here don’t carry any emotion at all. He closes his eyes to steady himself, but the anger doesn’t arrive, and momentarily it’s just him in the universe in his night air, allowing himself to not just be but become, to put something to this moment. When he opens his eyes again, he takes in more of the nighttime in, slowly. That’s what he’s been told to do. Taking the initiative doesn’t happen in a day but it’s the outcome of work - of others, too - but himself first and foremost. Putting himself first. The raindrops are still falling on his face and shoulders, and as he looks down he notices they’re beginning to accumulate on the street, too, which is narrow (they don’t live in a fantastic area). It’s enough, though. The houses are built taller than they are wide and each is separated from the road by a brick fence with ornate patterns woven in, plants creeping over the top of some, inquisitive and merry, green and pink and white, nodding their leaves in time to the rainfall. Their own house doesn’t have a garden; the two of them are too busy to do much other than water a few houseplants in the kitchen. As he reminisces on the fact, he can finally put an emotion to this weather that so starkly contrasts anything he’s witnessed before. He thinks it’s joy. and then i realise in all of my life His clothes aren’t really appropriate to stand here in, even if it hasn’t been long. He learnt how to iron a shirt yesterday and he’s made good use of the skill tonight, tongue stuck out in concentration as he stood in boxer briefs and shorts earlier, carefully running the iron over the sleeves, one at a time, the collar, then the main body, taking his time. It’s nice to have something to show for his efforts, even if it’s slowly getting dampened. That’s okay. He’s getting used to letting things happen, too. He can always iron it again. It’s dark above. He has to squint to catch the white blips of stars twinkling in the sky; this kind of black is comforting and all-encompassing, blanketing the world. It’s not a warm hug but touch is touch and touch is something incredible with any kind intent. Looking up and being faced with this never-ending sea reminds him of those witching hour marathons - how long had he been playing for? A day? Two? Three? Energy drink cans littered the floor and his legs ached with every sudden movement, the muscles in them tired and settled from being crossed for so long, as if they belonged to something dead - and indeed it was a zombie playing the rhythm game, the cheerful music falling on rotting ears, impenetrable to any sort of living emotion, and when the screen went black the zombie stared back at itself and its haunted eyes and its quivering mouth and those heavy salted tears spilling down its cheeks-- i don’t think i remember it being so vivid Hand on the small of his back. Footsteps in puddles from behind. There’s someone laughing in his ear. “Why’re you standing in the rain, silly?” A creeping love blooms in Serizawa’s chest as a man, shorter than himself but with a heart too tall and too wide to be comprehended by numbers, walks beside him. “I was just thinking.” The rain falls quietly around them. “Mm, that’s dangerous..” The other man’s hand slides from his back, then to the umbrella he’s holding. It’s made for Serizawa rather than himself, and it’s too big; he struggles to pull the catch on it which makes Serizawa laugh, sticking one leg in the air as if it’s going to help, then finally pulls it free. The arc of the umbrella’s clear, so that when he strains to hold it above both of their heads, Serizawa can see the drops hitting it and sliding off. The man’s other hand comes down his arm, then brushes his own, and then they’re linked. “You want to know what I’m thinking?” Serizawa’s smile comes effortlessly. “What?” Reigen smiles back. It’s the kind of thing that he can’t find on videogames, or videos, or social media. It’s the kind of thing that makes his heart cartwheel. It’s the kind of thing that reaches Reigen’s eyes, so warm in their mirth. “I’m thinking that I love you.” Serizawa laughs again, giving his hand a squeeze in his larger one. Reigen squeezes back, then stands up straighter, dutifully, “and that Mob’ll be scratching his head if we don’t get to this reservation on time.” Later that evening, Serizawa excuses himself to the bathroom in the back of the ramen shop they’re at. It’s an old place with pleasant sunset lights, people from every walk of life sitting on wooden benches; tonight it just so happened that himself, Reigen, Mob and one small, green ghost were decorating them. The meal was delicious. Good company always made everything a little sweeter, whether that was food or the scenery. Between the chatter he’d hardly stopped laughing all night, and smiles even as he goes to wash his hands in the small restroom, turning the faucet on and letting the cold water flow. He looks up as he does it. There’s a mirror above the sink and as if the glass had been broke, a stab of something stale and wrong shoots up his spine. He takes in his reflection; a tall man with broad shoulders, tired eyes, short hair, thick eyebrows, a faltering smile. A tie. His reflection. Fifteen years old. Twenty years old. Twenty five. He takes in the small lines on his forehead, the shape of his jaw, his Adam’s apple, the collar of his shirt.. It’s perfectly ironed. His shoulders are still slightly damp from the rain. And he can look at himself without being scared once again. He’s just a man; not some kind of pest squirming on the earth, or something to be revered, something immortal and unworldly. He’s just a man with friends from school, and a boyfriend, and whatever Ekubo is to him. When he exits the bathroom, taking his seat, everyone beams at him. Reigen reaches forward to wrap his arm around his shoulders, then pulls him forward to kiss the side of his cheek, and it’s the best feeling in the world. He’s just a man. He’s loved.

[powerdream4you]

RWBY volume 7, episode 13 (thoughts and stupid comments)

- Not gonna lie... I'm scared and this is only the intro

- "We GoT yOu OuTnUmBeR" I know how this will end and it will hurt

- Neo always fight with such an elegance... I love her

- I really believed for a second that they were going to kick her ass

- YEET!

- Orphan child fights against the firstborn of one of the powerful men in Atlas and a robot with soul

- Haha, Cinder is a fire bender

- Winter just pulled up some HTTYD vibes here

- My sweet little girl is such a sweetheart

- Rule number 2: Cardio (from how to survive the zombie apocalypse by Columbus)

- Why was Ren crying? I'm way to lazy to theorize rn and I haven't checked the rwby tag to avoid spoilers so if any of you have a theory write it

- I got some Atlantis the lost empire from this

- Jesus Christ...

- the boy has become a man

- Good to hear about you Maria btw

- I think in the end we just wanted a red head for the winter maiden

- I have the perfect meme for this...

- OMG! He just shoot the child

- That was blood?

- This is too fast for me!

- AND NOW YOU REAPPEAR YOU FUCK!

- AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

- Run away like the coward you are...

- They got the birds!

- Winter had a duty, protect her home... and she did.

- Penny just got another girlfriend

- Be more Grateful you hoe

- Oh... you are alive...

- Nice speech... I like it

- THAT'S A FUCKING FLYING WHALE! WHAT IS THIS? FUCKING FANTASIA 2000?

- We're Fuuuuuuuu....

- I also forgot that today's Monty's 5th anniversary since he's gone... It's been a long, long time without him

[oceanspray5]

I'd love to hear your headcanons for a similar AU! All your ideas are amazing. Please do write them out whenever you get the chance!

Also ALL of the yearning in this AU. Kai wears his heart on his sleeve so you know he's sighing around the palace like the lovesick fool he is and Torin is seriously concerned, wondering if he should worry Emperor Rikan with Kai's weird new behavior, except oddly enough Kai also seems... Happy? In a way he hasn't been since before Selene... well... Anyway Torin doesn't quite know what to make of these new developments but Kai is absolutely terrible at hiding how much he misses his best friend. Cinder absolutely picks up on it hence her freak outs. She wants Kai so badly but even once she begins to realize what her memories are she doesn't know how and what to do about anything. Most of all, she's terrified about Kai's reaction to how she lives now. She ignores his 6(000) comms but its futile since he visits her booth near every day even if its for like 10 minutes.

Now... I dont know how Adri would volunteer Cinder for the cyborg draft since Peony isn't dead in this version but lets say it happens anyway and Kai runs into Cinder at the palace. Or she's called in to help with an actual med-droid problem and Kai insists the royal mechanics call in Linh Cinder despite it being a very easy fix (Kai is not really as good at faking broken machinery as he thinks). Or perhaps Cinder finally admits she remembers and after a tearful reunion and whump session, Kai takes Cinder to Dr. Erland to get her DNA tested so they both can know for sure once and for all who she is.

Anyway all this to set up for the following: Kai asks Cinder out in the elevator and then again in front of a bunch of his subjects as in the book. Cinder refuses, highly flustered and incredibly overwhelmed due to a lot of information processing and memory recalibration on top of her very real feelings for Kai. Kai knows she can't give him an answer so soon, so bis goal this time is just to make her smile. But the people watching don't know all this and word gets back to Emperor Rikan that his son asked a girl out in a public setting, a commoner no less, and the emperor just wonders who is stupid enough to think they can fool him or anyone else with this rumor after Kai's been a walking zombie for the past 4 years. Except Torin tells him that Kai has been acting strangely. They conclude his odd behaviors suggest possible guilt because he's finally moving on from Selene but happiness because he's finally found another girl to love again. Atp Rikan doesn't even care if she's a commoner as long as Kai's heart is healing.

Cue Emperor Rikan trying to have a heart to heart with Kai trying to vaguely but unsubtly give his blessing for Kai to bring someone to the Annual Peace Ball that year. Kai pretends he has no idea what his father is talking about but Rikan just leaves, grateful the spark is finally back in his son's eyes.

Now Kai is a PETTY little shit as we all know. And we know Cinder is savage af when given half an opportunity which she would be at the realization that Levana, the aunt she grew up knowing hated her, did something as evil as try to set her on fire.

So I want you to imagine the sheer comicality of a scene where the entire Commonwealth (or at least the people among the palace who know) are expecting Prince Kai to bring a young woman to the ball for the first time since Princess Selene died. Emporer Rikan and Torin could cry tears of joy, they never believed this day would come again. Adri overhears the servants in the crowd and tries to hide her disappointment in the fact that now Peony or Pearl won't have a chance with the Crown Prince. Levana (if she's there) is satisfied that the last person so openly campaigning for Selene being alive seems to have forgotten her too.

So imagine when the horns blare and the fanfare starts and the announcer begins:

"Announcing the personal guest of His Imperial Highness, Crown Prince Kaito of the Eastern Commonwealth, a Miss Linh Cinder of New Beijing, (a pause and a gasp continued in a shakier voice) formally known as Princess Selene Blackburn of Luna."

The absolute deafening silence when Kai goes to the steps to recieve a slightly nervous but resolute Cinder and the gasps when they see her face and that she is indeed an exact replica of the once thought to be deceased princess. She's wearing the very dress she was meant to wear to the Annual Peace Ball years prior, one Kai snuck to her and one that still fits near perfectly. She has on a pair of beautiful gloves that Kai gifted her with when he saw how anxious she was about revealing she was a cyborg. He knew just presenting herself as alive was difficult enough, so he helps her hide the part of her he sees as beautiful but knows isn't in the slightest. Her hair is adorned with a bejeweled crown that was gifted to her by Kai's mother on Cinder's 16th birthday, just months before she died. She looks like a ghost, she is a vision. Kai extends his hand and hers fit perfectly in his as she steps down the final steps and fits her arm within his like they've done at every single peace ball since they were ten.

Some people faint. Most have nothing to say. Many even think Kai has lost it despite the proof staring them in the face. Emperor Rikan and Torin are forced to play pleasantries for the evening cuz it IS a very public ball but you dont just get to drop something like that without consequences. But Kai is well prepared and takes the silence as an opportunity as soon as Cinder is by his side on the floor.

He makes a beautiful and emotional speech about his despair at losing Princess Selene, his anger that everyone seemed to forget her and dismiss her death so easily and the long and lonely faith he held when everyone else gave up that Selene was alive. He lists all his tireless yet pitied-by-all efforts to find his best friend and favorite princess and shows his success is finally at a fruition. Princess Selene is safe and she is home. Dr. Erland confirms that Linh Cinder's DNA is indeed an exact match for Princess Selene. The Crown Princess of Luna and intended future Empress of the Eastern Commonwealth has come home.

The ballroom is in an uproar the moment Erland confirms it. But Kai quickly sweeps his long lost princess off her feet and whisks her to the dance floor before they get swarmed, where her feet mirror steps she never knew she knew how to dance. She's clumsy and steps on Kai's feet but when she apologizes he sticks his tongue out at her like he has done a million times before and tells her that it's not the first time she's murdered his toes and that they're glad to finally be back on schedule.

Nobody dares approach Kai and Cinder while they're dancing mostly because no one knows what to say. Peony is shrieking in half delight and half betrayal that Cinder didn't tell her. Pearl and Adri want to jump off a cliff. Torin and Rikan are gobsmacked and both feel a little ill. And Levana is MURDEROUS yet she has no choice but to pretend to be happy her niece is alive and that she will soon be relieved of her duties to the throne.

Admittedly this part of the headcanon veers a tiny bit into crack territory unless you give ample processing time between Cinder talking with Dr. Erland and the ball with Kaider falling back into their childhood besties familiarity as soon as the barrier between them has been lifted.

But while this entire scenario is angsty af, i must make sure everyone knows there's a LOT of potential for hilarity given how impulsive teenagers are and how bitter both Kai and Cinder would be about their respective situations leading up to the ball.

Been obsessed with Beth Crowley's Midnight for Kaider but another song I have on loop atm is Porter Robinson's Everything Goes On. I don't even play LoL and barely know what Star Guardian is but I'd be lying if the story between Xayah and Rakan didn't have me intrigued. So now ofc it has me thinking of a Kaider AU along those lines. Not exactly sure how it'd work but maybe:

Channary gets to live a few extra years. Manages to get a marriage alliance proposition agreed to with King Rikan and hence Kaider grow up visiting each other on Earth and Luna more or less ala @impossiblesuitcase's fic.

Except Channary does die eventually and Cinder isn't old enough for the throne yet so Levana steps in. For this to work maybe the throne passes on to the heir on their 18-21st birthday?

Everyone thinks Levana killed Channary (she didn't) but everyone knows she's going to kill Cinder. Her days are numbered and she knows it despite Kai's vehement denial. I imagine they'd be around 14-16 here?

Except Cinder does end up "dead" in a fire. In a more plot heavy version of the headcanon, perhaps Levana implies Earthens brought the matches and killed Cinder and vows to "avenge" her neice unless she gets reparations. But even if we avoid this whole plotline, Levana does try and pass it off as Cinder dying in a fire.

Earth and Luna mourn and Kai is inconsolable except he refuses to believe he's dead. He grabs on to the slightest sliver of a rumor and holds on to it like its his lifeline. He throws himself into investigating it, discreetly when eventually Torin and his dad and the royal therapist force him to put an end to it.

In this version Cinder doesn't end up in a healing stasis for quite as long. Perhaps a year or two at most. When she wakes up, shes a cyborg and has immense memory loss from the trauma. Garan adopts her, gets Letumosis and dies. Adri and Pearl are their witchy selves. Peony and Iko remain angels.

So you have the setup:

Prince Kai of the Eastern Commonwealth sneaking into New Beijing because Nainsi broke right before he had the conclusive proof he needed to show his dad and Torin that his Selene was alive. At this point everyone in the Commonwealth seems to think Kai is in a deep grief he'll never recover from and atp everyone's wondering if Prince Kai will ever find himself a bride now that he's 20 and still hung up on his childhood love. Its that pity and condescention that only infuriates Kai more so he keeps searching.

He ends up at the budding yet already renowned mechanic Linh Cinder's booth. Kai sees her and does a double take, afraid he's seen a ghost. He could cry because if he's not mistaken, the girl in front of him is his Selene. Except Selene doesn't recognize him. Doesn't know who he is besides the Crown Prince despite his extremely efficient disguise comprising of one inconspicuous hoodie.

She's so different now too. Her fine silks and once shiny hair is now replaced with cargo pants and a grease stained shirt, her hair dull in its luster and sheen now. She has a grease splotch on her forehead that Kai yearns to wipe from her brow but restrains himself. She's just as beautiful as the day he lost her, maybe even more so. But a doubt does creep in for a second...

Maybe he has it all wrong. Maybe she's just a doppleganger. How and why would Selene even be working as a mechanic in the Beijing market instead of coming to him for help or telling the world she's alive? How did she survive the fire even though in his heart he always knew she did. He needs some proof for this too. It's a testament to how not insane he is from his grief at losing the love of his life that he restrains himself from bursting from all these questions and overwhelming her with his grief and affection. Take that Dad! Take that Torin and Royal Therapist!

So Kai swallows down his words and the lump in his throat and the urge to burst into tears and tells Cinder what's wrong with Nainsi and asks her how long it'll take for the problem to be fixed. In that brief interval Kai manages to count at least 10 different ticks that endeared Selene to him. He's memorized every single one since they were kids. He knows this is his missing princess.

He doesn't know why Selene doesn't remember him and it is soul-crushing to know she's right in front of him but he can't do anything about it. He needs to get her to remember or at least gain her trust and friendship long enough that he can break the news of her origins to her gently. Her memory loss runs deep and he doesn't want to freak her out even if that would be the fastest way to laying it all out in the open. But Kai is tactful and shows restraint.

Instead, he ends up showing up to her booth regularly to jog her memory and tries to aski her out repeatedly to the Annual Peace Ball. He hopes if she shows up then it'll help her remember the countless times they spent together at them. Maybe he could sneak her away and show her her old room which Kai had insisted be kept exactly as it was left before she "died". He can't help some affection slipping past the cracks like the fond way he looks at her and the smile he's only ever saved for her.

In summary: if he thought this would freak Cinder out less... He failed.

But Cinder does keep getting random bursts of memories. Sometimes through nightmares. Sometimes through dreams of another life. Of a rather insane mother who doted on her and a charming boy who's love shone in his eyes and gentle touch. She doesn't understand why he looks like Kai and keeps dismissing it as fantasies she's always longed for combined with the exhaustion of Adri's chores. Kai would never like her if he knew she was a cyborg. She has no intention of getting her hopes up.

So Kai keeps wooing Cinder and Cinder keeps unintentionally suppressing her memories or dismissing them, certain Kai's rambling stories about his childhood with the deceased Lunar princess Selene are affecting her sleep.

Now eventually when Cinder gets her memories back it could go one of two ways:

She tells him because it's Kai and her heart bursts with love at how intensely he held on to the trust that she's alive and kept trying to revive her memories.

OR (and my personal favorite cuz angst)

She has the same feelings as in option 1 but is too scared that she'll put him in danger knowing what Levana did to her but also more than that, she's internalized Adri's words so much and the way society treats cyborgs that she's certain Kai would never love her now that she's no longer fully human and has even seemed to have lost her Lunar glamour that may have been able to hide the imperfection of her extremities otherwise that would have made her tolerable to Kai after her little accident in the fire.

So Kai continues to woo his lost princess turned mechanic, more in love with her than ever, new quirks and imperfections and all while Cinder has a daily meltdown about how badly she wants to kiss Kai but also about how badly that would end once he finds out what she's become.

In this AU, Rikan does not die cuz I need Kai stress free so he can continue his shenanigans. Peony also does not die because the only angst we need is Cinder being overly critical of herself and Kai's pained longing to have the love of his life back.

Idk how the rest of the Rampion crew would play into this cuz admittedly I just wanted an angsty Kaider situation where Kai has to save Cinder from herself like Xayah has to for Rakan in the Everything Goes On MV.

Any further suggestions for this AU welcome! Also if someone wants to write it then be my guest and do tag me cuz I am in too much of a writing slump these days to do so myself.

[yourepanickingatthewrongdisco]

I was tagged by @bubble-tea-aesthetic  & can I just say, I rly vibe with that url

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better: Tagging @cresswellvaneck @cinder-in-a-suit @loonierlovegood @scarlet-benoit-is-a-furry @betty-and-jughead @eadlyns-asparagus @incorrecttlcquotes @quinnxade @rampioncrewtrash Now you guys, you aren’t chained to this so don’t hurt me 2nd RULE: BOLD the statements that are true Enjoy these random facts you never wanted to know about me APPEARANCE: · I am 5'7" or taller · I wear glasses · I have at least one tattoo · I have at least one piercing · I have(had) blonde hair · I have brown eyes · I have short hair · My abs are at least somewhat defined · I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: · I love meeting new people · People tell me that I’m funny · Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me · I enjoy physical challenges · I enjoy mental challenges · I’m playfully rude with people I know well · I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (BOI) · There is something I would change about my personality ABILITY: · I can sing well · I can play an instrument · I can do over 30 pushups without stopping · I’m a fast runner · I can draw well  · I have a good memory (depends but sure) · I’m good at doing math in my head · I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute · I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling · I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch · I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: · I enjoy playing sports · I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else · I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else · I have learned a new song in the past week · I work out at least once a week · I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months · I have drawn something in the past month · I enjoy writing · fandoms are my #1 passion · I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: · I have had my first kiss · I have had alcohol · I have scored the winning goal in a sports game · I have seen an entire season of a show in one sitting · I have been at an overnight event · I have been in a taxi · I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year · I have beaten a video game in one day · I have visited another country · I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts.(solo artist(Taylor Swift(I was sick and left early))) MY LIFE: · I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” (she is my soulmate in a bestfriend way) · I live close to my school · My parents are still together · I have at least one sibling · I live in the United States · There is snow right now where I live · I have hung out with a friend in the past month · I have a smartphone · I have at least 15 CDs · I share my room with someone RELATIONSHIPS: · I’m in a relationship · I have a crush on a celebrity(cough cough Cole Sprouse cough cough) · I have a crush on someone I know · I have been in at least 3 relationships · I have never been in a relationship · I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them( one of the worst decisions.. ive done it MULTIPLE TIMES) · I get crushes easily · I had a crush on someone for over a year · I have been in a relationship for at least a year · I have had feelings for a friend RANDOM: · I have breakdanced · I know a person named Jamie · I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce · I have dyed my hair · I’m listening to one song on repeat right now( Zombie by the Cranberries RIP Dolores O’Riordan) · I have punched someone in the past week · I know someone who has gone to jail · I have broken a bone· I have eaten a waffle today · I know what I want to do with my life· I speak at least 2 languages · I have made a new friend in the past year

Hope you don’t h8 me

[hopelesslyshippingthem]

Got another request, Bumblebee Power Rangers AU where Blake is the broken black ranger and dropout also outcast who was forced to kill her own team after they fell to there corruption so she guards a dying Zordon with Winter who was the white ranger and Yang is a a highschool senior alongside Ruby and Weiss who stumble upon the place and become the new Power Rangers much to Blake's anger since she has PTSD and is betting bad memories.

Before you read, please note that this will be getting a FULL FANFIC. This will be in the Shipping Bin, but the rest of the chapters will be under an individually titled fanfic.

Running. Running. Running. Blakecouldn’t run fast enough in her fear, her helmet catching the debristhat sprayed her from the exploding dirt. Her legs burned from howhard and fast she was moving, but she couldn’t stop. She had to keepgoing. She had to get to the others.

“Coco! Pyrrha!” She shoutedthrough the communications system in her helmet, her voice laced withthe panting of growing fatigue. “GUYS, IT’S AN AMBUSH, PLEASECOME IN!”

How could she have been so blind? Howcould she have agreed to split up like this? If anything happened tothem, she would never forgive herself.

The monster behind her roared, makingthe earth below her feet shake, nearly knocking her to the ground.Blake had to fight, but it would cost her precious time to do so. Shewanted to keep running, but combat was inevitable; she could do itnow, or hope that she wouldn’t collapse when she tried to fightlater.

Blake turned, standing her ground asshe looked up at the creature, her visor already working to scan forweak points, her hand flexing as she started to materialize herweapon.

“Ahhh… Kitty cat.” Itgrinned at her, a toothy smile of fangs greeting her. “Wannadance?”

Blake sized up the mutated Roman,barely able to recognize his signature hat and blue eye under thehideous changes. What had Cinder done to her own right-hand man? Itwas unforgivable.

Suddenly, a yowl of a wild cat filledthe air, Blake’s panther mecha leaping at her foe. She could feel howit wanted her to keep running, and after a nod to her loyal partner,she heeded it. She still needed to find Jaune, Cardin, Pyrrha, andCoco. She needed help.

“Winter! Winter, come in!”She shouted, heading into the woods that her visor could sense theothers were in. “Damn it, Winter! Now is not the time todo your fucking brooding, lone-wolf, Batman bullshit! I need yourhelp!”

-

“Blake, wake up. Hey, hey!”

Blake shot awake, swinging her fists ina panic, already shouting in fear. “Get away from them! Leavethem alone!”

Another set of hands struggled to catchthe incredibly fast strikes nearly to fast to track. And yet, theywere keeping up with her flurry of attacks. “Blake! It’s me,”the voice urged, slowly becoming less hazy as the fog of nightmarelifted. “Winter. Blake, you’re safe. You’re safe.”

Blake finally stopped fighting,blinking in her half sat up state, finally seeing the older woman inher dimly lit vision. She could hear how wildly she was pantingstill, feel her heart pounding violently in her ears, but she couldstill hear the agonized shrieks of the others over it all. She couldstill feel her blade sinking into them. She could still see them deadbefore her.

“Get away from me.” Blakehissed, her feline ears flat on her head.

“Lights, on.” Wintercommanded, leaning away from the younger girl slightly.

The lights came on with surge of power,flooding bright light where the emergency lights had barely allowedsight previously. The pile of blankets that Blake had been sleepingin was strewn violently all over what seemed to be a bedroom, sixbeds filled the room, their color coded fitted sheets exposed fromhaving their matching blankets stolen. The walls had picturesplastered all over them; some from cameras, others that were handdrawn, and some were posters that seemed to be a mix of varioustastes. Both Blake and Winter were in the very center of the room,where a large area of formerly open space had been claimed by whatseemed to be a nest of clothes and blankets, Blake atop it all.

“Blake, please,” Winter beganin an imploring voice. “relax. It’s me.”

Those amber orbs were ice cold, theirgaze haunted and full of distrust. “Exactly. Just go away. Don’tyou have a happy family to go home and play with?”

Blue eyes narrowed in frustration.“That’s not fair, Blake.”

“Yeah, well look who’s talking.”

Winter stood, throwing up her hands inexasperation. “Blake, would you just stop this? I’m allowed tobe concerned about you and check on you. I’ve told you god knows howmany times that you would be more than welcome to live in the mansionwith me and my family.”

“You,” Blake spat theword out like venom, “are not my family. I buried my family. I’mguarding my only friend, and he’s dying. You lost being able to callyourself my friend, let alone family.”

No matter how many times she had heardit, Winter always felt those words like a knife in her heart.“Alright, Blake. I’m checking on Zordon, and then I’ll go. I’llbe back later to check on you again.”

She turned and left the room, enteringwhat seemed to be a command room. The panels and monitors seemed tobe flickering slightly, their power tied to the slowly fading lifesource of their guide. Winter halted in front of a tube of milkyglass, placing her hand on it and willing it to become clear.

Inside lay a wizened, old figure, hisskin a sickly white, his face covered with wrinkles. She watched hischest rise and fall slowly, recalling how he used to be strong enoughto project an image of his face onto that very tube to help teachthem how to save the world, guiding them to become better people.

With a tired sigh, Winter removed herhand, the glass once more that opaque, milky hue. If he could regainconsciousness, she knew he would be so disappointed in her. Shewondered if like Blake, Zordon would be unable to forgive her. Wouldhe take away the power that had been given to her? Strip her of whatmade her a ranger?

Winter turned back towards the exit,looking at the old spray paint that shouted names at her in variouscolors. In yellow was Jaune, pink was Coco, Cardin written in blue,Pyrrha in red, Blake in black, and her own name in white. Closer towhere her morpher would teleport her back to the cliffs, all sixcolors were used to write in various handwriting joined into onemessage; We are the Super Dweebs!

A tiny smirk tugged at her lips like italways did, tinged with a sharp stab of regret. If she could take itall back, she would. She could still remember how Blake looked whenshe had found her in that cave, crying. She never could forget it,not even after three years of wishing she could.

-Winter walked in a daze through thetrees, her white wolf helmet held loosely in her hand as she blanklystared up at the bright, sunny sky. It was such a beautiful day; sowarm, and clear. And it was all a terrible lie. If this was aHollywood film, it would be a bleak, overcast day, probably with athunderstorm booming around her. But there was no prophetic fallacyin the real world, no matter how much her life seemed like a druginduced action movie.

She didn’t want to go to the cave, shetruly didn’t, and yet her feet refused to change their course. And soshe marched on like a zombie, staring at the sky, feeling tearswelling up in her eyes. What was it going to be like for her now?What would she do? Hell, what could she do? No one would believe thetruth, and nothing could ever change it. Silence would remain thebest option.

Her head limply moved to look in frontof her, staring at the cave as hot tears finally fell from her blueeyes, leaving trails along her porcelain skin. How she wanted to runfrom there. Winter wanted nothing more than to flee to her home, andnever come out of her room again.

A sob echoed from the cavern, andwithout a moment of hesitation, Winter dropped her helmet, runninginto the shallow cave as quickly as possible. She didn’t care if itwas a trap; she knew that voice. Her legs refused to stop until shecame upon the end of the cavern, light filtering in from a large holein the ceiling to illuminate the scene before her.

Blake knelt on the rocky floor, herbody bent forward, her entire posture that of a broken spirit. Herarmor was gone, revealing her normal clothes covered in dirt andblood, her body shuddering and heaving with sobs. Even her ears wereslightly limp in despair. Laying around her in large swatches oftheir own blood were the other rangers, their bodies twisted,mutated, covered in what seemed to be veins of red that lay undertheir skin, helmets strewn around the cavern. The source of thecorruption seemed to be from stones that were jutting from terriblewounds, as if they had been violently stabbed with them. What Winterfound most horrific, were the eyes of the corpses; they werecompletely black, soulless. Shells of the lively teens they had oncebeen.

Her boot scuffed the rocks as she tooka stumbling step forwards, Blake slowly looking up at her. Thetortured, dead seeming amber orbs locked with horrified ice blue,both of the crying teens staring at each other for several seconds.Finally, Blake took in a shuddering breath, her eyes showing just howlost, broken, and utterly betrayed she felt.

“Winter…..” She choked outthrough sobs, the pain in her voice damning to the older woman.-

Winter choked on a sob as she coveredher mouth, desperately trying to push away the horrible memories. Nomatter how much it hurt her, how could she blame Blake for hatingher? She quickly walked to where the path abruptly ended, her morpherglowing and encasing her in a white light, taking her to the cliffside so she could go to the Schnee Tech headquarters and bury herselfin her work.

-

Yang walked along her sister andfriends, Ruby chattering happily with Weiss as she and Nora debatedthe finer points of which Mortal Kombat game was a blight to thefranchise. While she held fast that it had to be Mortal Kombat vs. DCUniverse, Nora was adamant that it had to be Mortal Kombat SpecialForces. To be fair, both had been great ideas gone terribly wrong.

“Ooooh. Look, guys.”Ruby called out, pointing at an old cavern. “Isn’t that thehaunted cave?”

Yang followed the finger, frowning.“Eh…. Yeah. I think it is.” For some reason, it alwaysfilled her with a deep dread. “We should go, though. This placealways creeped me out.”

Weiss nodded, shifting uncomfortably.“Yeah. I second that.”

However, Nora and Ruby scoffed. “ButYaaaang,” Nora started, “what’s so creepy about acave?”

Weiss grit her teeth. “It’s… notwhat’s creepy about it, but what it’s associated with. Three yearsago, four high schoolers and a middle schooler went missing from ourcity.” A bit of color drained from her face. “My sister,Winter, was friends with them. She came home one day a mess, cryingand saying that something had happened in the cave, and that no onecould find her friends. Cops found their blood and really weirdcrystals in the cave, but no bodies. Winter wasn’t really ever thesame afterwards.”

Yang nodded. “The middle schoolerwas in my art class. Really quiet Faunus girl. I think her fosterfamily didn’t even report her missing for like, a week. Apparently,they hadn’t noticed she was gone or something; I can’t reallyremember. They lost the ability to foster after that, if I rememberright.” She grinned playfully. “Guess the feds don’tapprove of people not noticing that foster kids are missing likethat.”

Ruby frowned slightly. “I barelyremember that.”

Yang scruffled her sister’s hair. “Youwere like…. eleven or twelve. It was a lot, and Dad tried to keepyou from hearing about it.”

Nora blinked. “Wow. I never evenknew about that.” Her gaze went back to the cave. “Thatsounds… awful. Finding your friends dead. Or even just losingthem.”

Weiss worried her sleeve absently,nodding. “Yeah. Winter became really buried in school work, andwith Grandpa’s company when she finally starting being able to bearound other people again. She never talks about it with anyone, noteven me, really.” Her eyes glanced at the cave again. “Weshould go. It’s really creeping me out.”

The others all eagerly agreed, walkingquickly from the cave, altering their course to the cliff side.

-

Blake walked around the command center,her tired eyes looking from monitor to monitor, trying to figure outhow to save Zordon. Ever since that day, he had fallen into a coma,and deteriorated steadily over the years. She had to reverse hiscondition somehow, but she didn’t even know what had caused it. Howcould she save him from an unknown enemy?

Her foot caught on a grate, trippingher slightly. Her mind was filled with images of the cave, hearingthe screeches of her team, then grunts of their corrupted bodies asthey attacked her. She tried to push herself back up, but she foundherself back in the cave, her helmet far from her as her gloved handsshook violently.

Blake turned, seeing Coco walkingtowards her, the red veins glowing eerily along her neck, face, andher pink armor. Her normally playful brown eyes were black, void ofeven the whites.

“Coco….?” She whimpered,looking at the others as they started twitching on the ground. Thiswas a horrific nightmare- it had to be.

“No… No, no, please,” shebegged, backing away from both Coco and Jaune as they drew theirweapons on her. “please, guys! It’s me! It’s Blake! Wake up,PLEASE WAKE UP!”

“Wake up… Wake up…” Blakefound herself whimpering in a trembling voice, shaking with GambolShroud in her hands, the barrel pointed at no one. Once again, shewas back at the command center, wild eyed and afraid. “Wake….up….”

She thought she heard something behindher, turning to be met with Cardin as he bared down on her in thecave, the crystal pulsing as it jut out from his throat, his vacantexpression making her skin crawl. The blood colored crystal seemedalive, the shifting reds turning to sickly maroon, then to anunsettling greyish purple. It looked like anime blood gone horriblywrong, and like any other normal person, Blake found herselfunwilling to hurt her own friends; even if they seemed like they weregoing to kill her. “Please, don’t…. Don’t come any closer…Cardin, please? Please, don’t…” She sobbed, her weapon almostfalling from her shaking hands.

Suddenly, Blake felt something clip hershoulder painfully hard, making her stumble. She glanced behind herto see Miló embedded in the rocks, turning back to see a black eyedPyrrha straightening up from throwing it at her, the crystal’scorruption spreading like a virus over the red armor on her body.

In that moment, Blake knew that Winterwasn’t coming. No one was going to save her from her own friends; thepeople she admired, and considered her family. If she was going tosurvive, she was going to have to save herself, and to do that, shehad to do the unthinkable. The unbearable.

“I…. I’m so…. so sorry….”She sobbed, looking at Pyrrha through the haze of tears. She wasfourteen years old, fighting a battle no one knew existed, and now…

Now she would have to kill her ownfriends.

Her hands were barely able to hold herweapon, turning to face Coco. “Pl-ple-ease… Forg-g-gi-veme…” She begged as her barrel trained on her, pulling thetrigger with a scream of sorrow.

A shot rang out from the commandcenter, Blake snapping out of the flashback in a blind panic. Shespun around almost wildly, shaking and crying as she tried to locateher attackers, finding herself utterly alone in the command center.She fell to her knees, curling her body into a ball as she sobbed.How could she go on like this; always not quite sure what was real orin her head?

A soft metallic clinking moved towardsher along the grates, not halting until a hard force gently brushedagainst her shoulder.

Blake reached out a trembling hand tostroke the cool metal of her zord, the once gigantic creature nowonly the size of a house cat. Ever since she had lost her team, itwouldn’t return to it’s normal size, and after so long in isolation,it was her only comfort. A metallic mewl escaped it, and Blake pulledit into her arms, holding it close.

How could this go on? How much longeruntil she well and truly lost her mind?

In her pain, she didn’t notice theflicker of color that appeared in Zordon’s tube. She didn’t see howthey glowed faintly. She didn’t see the red, pink, yellow, or bluelights that seemed to watch her as they hovered in the frosted tube.She didn’t see how they moved upwards and vanished.

-

“Yang, just come back, okay? It’sreally dangerous!” Weiss pleaded, clearly worried.

“She’s right, Yang. Just come on!”Ruby called out.

“C'mon, I wanna do it next!”Nora goaded, almost bouncing with energy.

Yang was walking along an old fallentree, arms stretched for balance as she swayed on the very unsteadywood. It wasn’t like she was even using it to go anywhere; the treejust had fallen to lay mostly over the edge of the cliff side,precariously attached to the earth by dead roots, nothing below butthe water of the ocean far below.

Yang slowly spun around on the wood,hearing Nora cheer her on while Weiss and Ruby gasped and begged herto come back. Even though there was another few yards of tree left,she felt like she had pushed her luck enough already, slowly makingher way back to the cliff. Carefully, she stepped on the creakingtimber, halting when her balance left her.

After a deep breath, Yang took threemore small steps, and then jumped onto the sturdy cliff, standing upwith a grin. “Ta-da!”

“Okay, my turn!” Noragleefully cackled, scrambling up onto the wood with a wide grin.

Eagerly, perhaps a bit too eagerly,Nora bounced along the wood, not caring how it creaked ominouslyunder her very overly confident footsteps.

“Nora, please stop it!” Rubypleaded.

Nora turned around and grinned as ifshe wasn’t currently risking a free fall to her own death. “Oh,come on. This thing’s been here for–”

“Don’t you fucking dare!”Weiss interrupted angrily. “I don’t care how long it’s beenthere; it’s rotting, and could easily choose today to stop beingthere for you two assholes to walk on!”

Yang shrugged at Weiss apologetically,“I like the rush.” She turned back to Nora. “Butseriously, come back. You’ve done it better than me, okay? You win.”

Nora shook her head. “I wanna go abit further. Just relax, okay?”

“You are walking on a rotting,dead tree that is hanging off the edge of a cliff, pushing your luckagainst gravity, and the fucking ocean.” Weiss snapped, hervoice high pitched with fear as her arms gestured wildly. “It’spretty hard to fucking relax!”

Nora waved her off absently, takinganother bouncing step towards the end of the log, whistlingcheerfully.

A sudden cracking sound made all ofthem freeze, horror choking them before the three on the cliffstarted screeching at Nora in near unison.

“Nora, move it!”

“Hurry up, you dolt!”

“Please hurry!”

Nora turned and dashed back as fast asher balance would allow, jumping as the log snapped in half,plummeting down into the ocean below. Her feet hit the grass near theedge, and Weiss’ hand grabbed her shirt to pull her even further ontoland, both of them falling over from how hard Weiss had yanked. Forseveral moments, nobody said anything, until Nora started laughingalmost gleefully. “That was fun! I wanna do that again!”

Weiss growled before lunging at her,slapping her arms and shoulders in fury. “You fucking dolt!You could have died, and you want to do it again?! Are youdense, or just have a death wish? Never, ever, ever, ever dothat to us again!”

“Awww, but I like doingthat!”

“What, giving me a damn heartattack?!”

“Okay you two.” Yang sighedas she pulled them apart, Nora still giggling. “That’s enoughinsanity for one day. Who wants to go get ice cream?”

Ruby and Nora instantly brightened up.“Ice cream!”

“Awww yeah. Ice cream, baby!”

“Fine.” Weiss seethed, givingNora one last slap on her shoulder.

Nora threw on an overly dramatic lookof agony, holding her arm. “She beats me! Domestic aboose!”

“Come on, you two act like an oldmarried couple.” Yang teased, watching Weiss use a humorlessdeadpan glare at her, Nora distracted by something drifting in theair in front of her. Probably a bit of some plant, or a feather.“Last one to town buys the ice cream.”

All of them leapt to their feet, racingtowards the path that would take them down to the town again. Rubypushed herself to try to gain a lead against Yang’s long legs,finding instead that the distance only grew by the second. Why didher sister have to be the tallest of them?

“Gangwaaaaaaay!” Noracalled, her voice approaching at an unnaturally fast pace.

Everyone looked back to see Norahaphazardly flying through the air, the large half ring of barkflying behind her telling everyone that she had tried to use it tosurf her way down the grass. And, it was also clear that she hadfailed horrifically. Ruby dove out of the way of the bark, Yangwatching her friend in dumbfounded shock as Nora flew towards her,arms milling uselessly. When they finally collided, they both hit theground and rolled a few feet before coming to a halt, groaning inpain.

“Yang!” Ruby called, hurryingto her sister.

“You fucking dumbass!”Weiss shouted in exasperation, stumbling over to Nora. “Areyou just that desperate to die today?!”

Nora hissed as she sat up, nursing herleft arm with a wince. “Yeah… I guess you’re right. Not agreat idea.”

The moment Weiss gingerly touched theinjured arm, the other girl flinched and hissed from pain. “Yang,I’m not a doctor, but her arm could be dislocated, or sprained. Orbroken.”

“Not broken. Done that before. Ithink I jammed it on the ground from my totally amazing and plannedlanding.”

Yang sat up and glowered at Noraslightly. “That’s what you get for being a damn chaoticneutral.”

“Better than a neutral good anyday.”

Ruby sighed irritably. “Okay, thisisn’t a campaign, guys. Party alignment aside, you need a doctor.”Nora booed at the remark. “So ice cream is postponed, I guess.”

“Won’t somebody think of thechildren?!” Yang gasped mockingly.

“Uhhh, guys? What’s that?”Weiss questioned in a confused tone.

Everyone looked at her before followingher line of sight to a strange multi-hued light in the trees. “Ummmm,I got nothing.” Yang admitted. “It looks like a ball ofChristmas lights, don’t ya think?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ruby nodded.

The lights twinkled at them almostinvitingly, then split into four different colored lights quitesuddenly, the four girls all very apprehensive at what it could mean.For a moment, all was still, until the lights zipped towards them atan irrational speed, all four of them trying to hide behind theirhands or arms from any possible harm.

It took several moments of waiting forany sort of impact before Ruby realized that nothing had happened toher, slowly peeking out behind her arms to see the lights blinkingaround in front of them at an insane speed. She barely registered theothers also growing both bold and curious enough to look as well asshe watched the lights. They blinked to life in front of them, eachone in front of a different girl for only a moment or two beforevanishing again, only to reappear in front of a different girl. Itwas as if they were appraising each of them for something, trying tofind something before moving on to another one.

The red one blinked back in front ofRuby, but this time, it stayed visible, floating in the air quietlyas the other lights continued to flit from girl to girl. Finally, theyellow light came to rest in front of Yang, leaving the blue and pinklights to flicker between Weiss and Nora. The blue light pausedbefore Nora one last time, as if deciding on something, before itflashed back to Weiss, the pink one taking its place.

The lights glowed brightly in front ofthem, hovering in the air before them as if simply waiting, but noneof them knew what they were waiting for. Each of them glanced at eachother for reassurance, as if trying to double check that they weren’tinsane.

“I’m gonna touch it.” Yangwhispered cautiously, as if worried that the yellow light wouldsomehow hear her and attack.

“Yang,” Weiss hissed back,“be careful.”

Very hesitantly, Yang reached up andgingerly wrapped her hand around the light, exhaling the breath shehadn’t known she had been holding. She felt it solidifying in hergrip, flattening. When she opened her hand again, it was a clearyellow stone disc, edged in gold instead of the bright light. Theothers followed suit, each perplexed as the orb of light transformedinto the discs of stone, looking at them intently.

As Ruby held her red disc up to the skyto look through the jewel like stone, she heard Nora chuckling a bitnervously. “W-well… That was a bit anticlimactic.”

Suddenly, a sharp tug hit Nora in thechest, causing her to double over slightly, aggravating her alreadybattered shoulder.

“Hnnn!” She heard Yanggrunt, knowing that it wasn’t only her.

A soft glow wrapped around each ofthem, each light the color of the gem they held, and in a flash, theywere gone.

-

Winter sighed in her meeting, listeningwith only half interest to the members of the board, uncaring of howthe company stock value had climbed sharply in the last month. Theonly thing she cared about hated her, and she was incredibly tiredfrom fighting off several armed robbers the night before as the whiteranger. If it wasn’t frowned upon, she would be more than content tosimply doze off in the meeting room.

A sharp tug hit her chest, causing herto openly flinch. The room went silent as the speaker paused, alleyes on her. “Miss Schnee, are you alright?” She inquired.

Winter frowned, blinking as she foughtthe pull of her morpher to the command center. It took her a fewmoments to get control of herself before she gave them a politesmile. “Forgive me, but I feel unwell. I must go. I trust thatyou have everything in hand?”

They all nodded and assured hervaliantly as she collected her paperwork, giving them a final nodbefore leaving the room, heading to her office. If her morpher wascalling her, then it might be Blake. Her blood went ice cold;something could have happened to Blake, and she had to get to herfast. She was always the one that was using it to morph and toquickly get to the base at night when she felt the tug in her soulfrom Blake having a nightmare; it had been years since she had felt atug like this.

Winter passed her secretary as shemarched sternly to the oak door of her office, watching her perk up.“Melissa, clear my schedule for today, if you don’t mind. I’mfeeling rather I’ll, and I just received an urgent message from mysister.” She lied calmly.

“Right away, Miss Schnee. Shall Icall your driver?”

“No, that won’t be necessary.Klein is taking time off, and I can get a taxi. The air might do mesome good.” Winter smiled kindly, casually ignoring the factthat the city air smelled like hell.

If Melissa also thought of that samepoint, she never acknowledged it. “Of course. Do feel better,okay?”

Winter didn’t answer as she entered heroffice, closing the door behind her for privacy. Hurriedly, shereached to the back of her skirt for her morpher, the small powercoin and holder hidden in plain sight on her belt. She gripped it andgave it a firm pull to remove it, holding it in her hand beforelifting it into the air. There was a bright flash of white light, andthen Winter was gone.

It took only a few moments before shewas in the command center of the ancient craft, frantically lookingaround. “Blake? Blake? Blake, where are you?”

-

Ruby had never been more afraid in herlife as she was now, kneeling on what seemed to be metal grates,trembling as she looked around her new surroundings. She could seeher sister and their friends also nearby, clearly just as lost as shewas at this strange turn of events. There was a huge glass tube amidmonitors, control panels that had writing in a very odd language setinside of metal surfaces. She half expected an alien to walk out atany second and demand them to take it to their leader.

It was utterly bizarre to see suchmovie set like objects around them, and Weiss was half wondering ifthis wasn’t all some incredibly elaborate prank. But who would havethe desire, let alone resources, to employ such a prank on them? Itwasn’t like Vale was a particularly wealthy city, and her family waseasily one of the most prominent in at least a four state radius.There was no one that she could even consider being the culprit.

“Guys?” Yang whisperednervously, motioning for the others to come to her location.

Weiss felt like her footsteps were fartoo loud in the metal grates, ducking behind the control panel by theblonde with her friends. “Where are we?” Her voicewas shaking so badly.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She heardboth Nora and Yang reply soothingly. It didn’t help her to calm downat all.

“Yang,” Ruby hissed, “howare we gonna get out of here?”

“I’m not sure. But we’ll be okay.I promise.”

Weiss knew that Yang had no right tomake such a promise, but all that she could do was try to calm themdown.

A bright flash of white light lit thefar area of the grates before footsteps tapped the surface. All ofthem hid closer to the panel, scared.

“Blake? Blake?” A voicecalled out in worry. “Blake, where are you?”

Weiss knew that voice, standing upquickly. “Winter? Winter!”

Winter froze at the voice, jaw slightlyagape as her sister came bolting out from behind one of the securitypanels to hug her tightly. “Weiss?!”

“Winter, did you get trapped heretoo?”

Winter leaned back slightly even thoughshe had her arms wrapped around the smaller frame. “How did youget in here?” Others stepped out from where her sister had comefrom, the elder girl clearly even more confused. “No one issupposed to be able to get in here.”

“These stupid lights brought ushere. Well, they’re coins now, but they were lights.” A voiceshe recognized as Nora’s grudgingly answered.

Winter felt her body go ice cold,shaking her head. “No… That’s impossible. The coins were…..they’re lost. You need to show me them, Weiss.”

Weiss pulled away from her sister.“What do you mean? You’re familiar with this place?”

Winter held her hand out, her blue eyesfull of panic. “The coins, show me! Now!”

As Ruby began to hold hers out, asecond voice made itself known from the shadows.

“Don’t move. I will shoot, and Ihave very good aim.”

A cat Faunus stalked out with a deadlygleam in her amber eyes, her ears flat against her head as thestrange gun remained leveled on Weiss. The only one who moved wasWinter, planting herself between the girl and the group of frightenedteens.

“Winter, move.” The girlhissed in a dangerous tone.

“No.”

The gun remained fixed in position,though now it was directed at Winter. “Just move,Winter.”

“Blake, I will get them out ofhere as soon as I figure out how they got in. You must have feel thepull like I did.”

Yang looked between the two otherwomen, frowning in confusion, her limbs trembling in fear. “What’s…what’s going on?”

For a moment, the Blake girl lookedamong the four girls, and she seemed to back down. But her gazelocked onto the coins in their hands, her keen eyes spotting themeasily in the low lighting. Her gun was once again locked in place,her expression both dark and hurt. “Where did you get those?”

No one could answer her fast enough andshe took a furious step closer, now clearly enraged. “Wheredid you get them from?!”

“They just came to us, we swearit!” Ruby cried out in fear, cowering as the gun jerked in herdirection before Weiss openly flinched, spooking the already frazzledFaunus.

They knew that she was going to shoot,and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

[tsvitok]

Flash. 16/03.

@homebasered Thanks for a prompt that let me explore my zombie setting. I really enjoyed writing this one today. Hopefully it’s a good read as well.

Tunnel. Water. Petrol.

###

In the crumbling ruins of Sydney, death lingered around every corner. In the darkness, lurking… prowling. Sam had avoided it for five long years, growing up in the aftermath of the Fall - and until today, he had avoided the tunnels like the deathtrap they are. “Are we really doing this?” At the entrance of the Harbour Tunnel, fences, wire, cinder-blocks had been piled up in front of the opening. It was impossible to get into apart from a heavily locked maintenance door a few metres down the street. The entire suburb surrounding this entrance was a green zone - almost no outbreaks in two years - and was heavily fortified because of it. One day the tunnel would need to be cleared, but today there was something more necessary. “We’ve got to.” Petrol. The lifeblood of human civilisation, the only thing keeping the power running where it was needed most - the Randwick Hospital, Star City Processing, Darlinghurst Manufactory. “The wind turbines aren’t cutting it, we can’t put ‘em far enough off shore and the storms are fucking with our panels. It’s petrol or nothing.” “Isn’t there some other way?” His companion wasn’t nearly so brave. Perhaps because Sam was reckless, even for a pathfinder. Even for someone whose only job was to go out into the still infested ruins of Humanity to scavenge shit no-one really needed any more. “Sitting underneath us is a treasure trove of petrol, all we gotta do is check it out and see what the situation is down there.” Sam ignored their complaint, whatever it was, he made his way down the road to the nearest maintenance door. No-one guarded them, they were thick metal, locked up and boarded over with steel reinforcements. Even then, it only took a bit of thermite to carve off the locking mechanism. “Shouldn’t we tell someone?” “I did,” Sam applied the messy gluesque concoction to the door’s lock, “They okayed it, but look around us.” All around them, the barricades of a half-decade’s work keeping the tunnels contained. Concrete roadblocks ringed the street, blocking off anything that might escape. Each end had air-lock style doors, so even if something did happen, it was no big deal to escape. “You’re overthinking it.” Even so, Max, his anxious guard friend, only had to keep the flashlight up. “You just follow me with that light, alright? I won’t let you get eaten.” “A-alright. You’re still a crazy bitch, for doing this.” Sam scoffed, then pushed them back away from the door and removed his gloves. A single spark from a match was all it took for the thermite to melt through the steel and let them through with a stiff kick. Sam raised his rifle, an old M4 with a duct-taped together barrel guard. It was a poor choice for a confined space like this, but it was all they had. “Quiet, after me.” Max held up their pistol, crossing their arms for support. Max followed him in so closely he could feel their breath on his neck. The stairs down were concrete but they had started to crack and crumble. Every step was careful, but everything was still solid. He reached the landing where another door was shut on them, this one was rusted, all it took was a gentle bit of wiggling to get the lock mechanism to snap open and he opened the door quietly inward. Max shone the light around, first at the floor and then over the rusted remains of cars. “Shit,” the entire tunnel was flooded. They pulled up their face-masks, the air inside was rancid, a toxic soup of fetid water and decaying flesh. The walls were covered with molds, mosses, fungi. “We’re clear… nothing would stick around in this shit.” He stepped in towards the water, Max shone the light at the water. It was muddy, rusty, there was a fine sheen on it - a rainbowish tinge across the surface. “Don’t light a match… or I guess you could, we’re not gonna be getting that petrol.” “Fuck,” Max moved in along the ledge, the water was up to the edge of the platform. “HQ is gonna be pissed, but just to be sure we should head down the tunnel and see if the water hasn’t hit some cars.” They ventured down the tunnel together, following the natural incline up away from the water. Neither of them particularly wanted to fall in, and the ledge had started to wear away but Sam could see down the inky dark tunnel somewhere relatively dry. He pulled out his own flashlight from his belt. “Stay here.” Sam inched along the edge, carefully avoiding touching the walls, but also attempting not to fall into the water just one wrong step from ending him. It wasn’t particularly deep, maybe waist-level, but falling into that stuff would get you sicker than the guys that died down here. He finally made it, touching down on dry ground and pulling on his combat gloves again. He nearly cursed himself for forgetting them, but shit happens and he had bigger fish to fry. Down along the rusted rows of cars, he kept his rifle by his side and aimed his flashlight through every nook and cranny of every car he passed. Drier ground might keep something alive, but the thick air was nearly drowning him, so he doubted it. A few hundred meters along the dry-zone, something big caught his eye, a truck. No, a tanker. He raced towards it, crunching mushrooms beneath his boots, then he saw the faded letters on the side. Caltex. A petrol company, a petrol tanker. “Holy shit, Max!” Max was too far away to hear, or too scared to call back. Sam nearly fell to his knees and kissed the ground, then remembered what he was standing in. So instead he climbed over rusty cars, risking tetanus to examine the tanker. Not a single dent in the smooth, mossy metal. It rang full when he tapped against it. Luck had saved Sydney again. Pure, fucking dumb luck.

[favouritequeeronthecitadel]

Heyyy figured I’d throw together a small list of game recs since we’re all going feral together

Games listed:  When The Night Comes,  Cinders,  My Time At Portia(MTAP), House Flipper, Terraria, The Long Dark

The Lighter Side

These are games with a smaller time requirement.

When The Night Comes - 

Currently on Itch.io for $5, this is being redone for a Steam release & an Itch re-release. It’s a supernatural mystery visual novel. However don’t expect it to lean heavy on the mystery for gameplay: There’s no bad endings for not figuring out the mystery or adding up clues. WTNC is more interested in telling a story than making you prove your murder mystery chops, which is always a plus in my book but tastes vary.  

There’s optional romance - 1 woman, 1 NB, and 4 men, with 2 polyamorous romances, but the only thing you lose story-wise if you don’t romance any one is some character specific lore. The players pronouns can be chosen: she/her, they/them, or he/him. Absolutely gorgeous art, though the art style can vary wildly between CGs, even along the same romance route, which feels a little odd. 

Lunaris Games, the company behind WTNC, has their second game out now on Steam. It’s called Errant Kingdom and is being released in chapters (currently on Ch1) though once you’ve bought it you own it. You won’t be paying piecemeal per chapter.

4/5 - The dissonant art styles threw me off enough to be A Problem but it looks like that might not be an issue when its re-released. Roughly 4 hours long? This depends on how fast you read and whether you skip any of the dialogue (eg common route scenes after playing through once).

Cinders - 

Ooh, I love this one! A retelling of Cinderella if all of the characters acted like (mostly) reasonable people. Fantastic art and the ability to sass the shit out of everyone (don’t over do it or you might end up in prison though). 

Optional romance with a variety of endings which can themselves vary based on Cinders’ personality. It’s the first time I’ve seen someone make the stepsisters sympathetic while retaining their personalities. 

5/5 - A little difficult if you’re gunning for specific personality types but fuck it’s worth it. Maybe 2 hours for a single run.

ChunkyBoi

These are either massive time sinks or “time varies”.

My Time At Portia(MTAP) - 

 Build shit! Fight shit! Get married! Play a fishing mini-game that isn’t hideously difficult! MTAP is basically a builders farming sim. You’ve inherited Dad’s old workshop in a sleepy little town and the other builder in town has taken it personally. It’s a little heavier on combat than most farming sims for both plot and lore reasons and there are Main Story plot fights.

A lovely art style with some of that Good Character Writing (if a little sparse but hey you should be checking on your forges not driving Arlo round the twist). Of note, you don’t have a Proper Nemesis but Higgins feels very human in that sense: You just mildly annoy each other and maybe Higgins takes it personally. There’s no time pressure on the MSQ, you can just fill commissions to your hearts content, thought you need MSQ for some recipes. I’ve played for 72 hours and only just convinced Arlo to date me so that might give you a sense of the IRL time commitment you’re making here.

Be warned that the backstory/lore can get pretty dark. This game is set post-apocolypse, just far enough that it’s hard to tell, so y’know. The apocalypse is never sunshine and butterflies. Personally I like bright, colourful, cheery games with hints of suspiciously dark lore (like Stardew Valley and the war).  

4/5 - Still a little rough around the edges - some content is lacking especially for some of the romances, though more is being added (some just recently in the Valentines update). ??? Hours. You’re looking at at least 40 odd hours to play out the MSQ and social life, assuming you aren’t gunning it to the finish line.

House Flipper

There is no plot. It’s just you, a paint roller, and so. many. tiles. Important note: You can turn the cockroaches off in the settings - it turns them into glass and is the best setting ever because...uuugh. But other than that, yeah. It’s an interior decorating game. They have recently released the Garden Flipper DLC which adds garden design too! 

Note: The buyers for the Apocalypse Flipper bunkers appear to be broken and if you add too much canned food they switch to thinking there is NO canned food. It is impossible to completely please the family man because of this.

Terraria

If you like building things and being hunted by vengeful bees that are like 5x your size all for the low low price of $10, this is the game for you. 

Build a house. It does not have to be a good house but if you don’t the zombies will get you. There is no grace period here: when the sun goes down you become public enemy number one, day one. 

I have been informed that this game is like Minecraft but with more action-y elements. I have not played Minecraft.

The Long Dark

I hear this has a story mode now. I do not care. I am here to trudge through a blizzard so thick I cannot see my hand in front of my face, while the wolves howl so loud as to be heard over the wailing winds and every crack could be a branch or my ankle.

Survival mode in this game is not cheerful or bright or upbeat. It’s one desperate survivor scrounging whatever they can to try and make it through just one more night, with no hope of rescue. 

But it is very absorbing and very very pretty.

[thecoroutfitters]

The recent arrival of Hurricane Harvey is somewhat personal for me. Early Friday morning, before it made landfall, radar course projections showed it heading right for my home. Since I only live 90 miles inland, we would have been hit hard by the 130 plus mile-per-hour winds and torrential rainfall.

But Harvey made a course change just before landfall and passed north of our home, leaving us safe.

But that doesn’t mean that Harvey was safe by any means.

As a Category 4 hurricane, Harvey’s winds are strong enough to tear buildings apart. It has dumped somewhere over nine trillion gallons of water on Texas, devastating Corpus Christi, Houston and many smaller towns.

While there has only been five reported deaths as of this writing, billions of dollars worth of property has been destroyed. This hurricane could very well be the most devastating to hit our country since Katrina, topping Sandy in total dollars of destruction.

Part of what has made Harvey so destructive is that it has moved very little since hitting the Texas coast, dumping trillions of gallons of water in what is really a rather small amount of space. By the time all is said and done, Houston is projected to end up receiving around 50 inches of rain.

This rain is what is going to end up causing the biggest part of the damage, as the winds started dying down as soon as Harvey made landfall. By the time the weekend was over, less than 48 hours after hitting, Hurricane Harvey had been downgraded to a tropical storm.

But I’m sure that’s no consolation to the residents of Houston, Galveston and the surrounding areas, whose homes have several feet of water flooding them. Many of those homes will never be the same.

Harvey isn’t done with its destruction either.

The 3-second Survival Hack That Gives You Superhuman Powers 

As of this writing, the storm is still dumping rain on Houston, as well as moving farther to the east. Louisiana seems to be next on its dance card, as the storm moves towards the northeast. Lake Charles is already experiencing Harvey’s wrath and New Orleans could be in for some heavy rainfall as well, before it’s all over.

As with every natural disaster, nature couldn’t care less about the devastation that it is causing. We think we are so powerful, with our technology and our machines, but all it takes is one storm to break down this house of cards we call civilization.

Maybe it’s Time to Refocus Our Prepping

It’s no wonder that prepping is growing in the United States. The American people are finally waking up to something our ancestors knew, that life is fragile and nature is a killer. Even without the help that we humans give it in killing our fellow man, nature does a good enough job on its own, killing thousands of people per year.

As preppers, we love to talk about preparing for “the big one.” It doesn’t matter that that big one is a total breakdown of society, a financial collapse, an EMP attack or a zombie apocalypse, we have a plan for it.

But the reality is, we’re much more likely to face a natural disaster in our lifetimes, than any of the major disasters that we prep for.

Granted, much of the same preps need to be made for a natural disaster as those we need to make to survive a hurricane. More than anything, it’s the aftermath we’re prepping for, not the disaster itself.

Living through the destructive power of a hurricane or other natural disaster may be difficult, but nobody is going to starve or die of dehydration in a few hours or days. Living through weeks of outages, when there is no power or water and the grocery stores are empty is what we prepare for.

While the effects of an EMP are nationwide, on a local level they aren’t much different than any other disaster. The big difference is that Uncle Sam won’t be coming in to rescue us and help us to restore our lives. That’s going to have to happen on a local level, because the communications necessary to do anything on a national level won’t exist anymore.

What that means is that the aftermath is going to be much longer, straining our ability to survive, even if we are prepared.

But food is food and water is water. We will need both to survive anything that comes our way. Likewise, we will need most of the other things we stockpile. Even so, there are specific things that we will need, which are totally dependent on the type of disaster we end up facing.

Surviving a Flood

Hurricanes cause devastation in two ways; through wind and through water. While high winds can destroy many structures, it is ultimately the flooding that does the greatest damage. That will definitely be so in the case of Harvey, as the high winds dropped off almost as fast as they climbed.

Video first seen on The Alex Jones Channel.

So how do you prepare for this sort of flooding? Can you save your home, and if so, how? What can you do to survive, if your home becomes flooded, making it inhabitable?

First of all, this storm, like others in the past, demonstrates the reason why we all need a good bug out plan in place. While Houston officials didn’t call for a general evacuation, the state’s governor recommended it to those who could. This raises the question of why a general evacuation order didn’t go out.

It really boils down to experience and history. When Hurricane Rita was headed towards Houston in 2005, a general evacuation was called. Six-and-a-half million Houstonites took to the roads, creating a 100 mile long traffic jam that lasted for over a day and a half. There wasn’t enough gasoline available to fill that many vehicles, causing many to run dry and be abandoned on the road. People died from the heat, as well as from traffic accidents.

After all that, Hurricane Rita only struck Houston with a glancing blow, not even worth the effort that had been taken to avoid it. Hurricanes are always unpredictable, and this is just one more example of how the best of our planning may only be for naught.

We cannot rely on the government to tell us when to evacuate; we’ve got to make that decision for ourselves.

In the case of Hurricane Rita, the city government was wrong in telling people to evacuate. Now, in the case of Hurricane Harvey, the city government was wrong in telling people to stay home. But in both cases, the decision that was made was based upon the best information available. It’s just that nature doesn’t follow our information.

Waterproof Your Stockpile

I don’t know how much money you have invested in your survival stockpile, but I’m sure it’s in the thousands. Food is expensive, so if you’re going to have enough to last you any time, you’re going to have to spend a lot of money.

That’s an asset you can’t afford to lose, even in a flood. So you want to make sure that you won’t. How? By doing everything you can to ensure that it is waterproof. Canned goods already are, so that’s not an issue. Dry foods stored in five gallon buckets are waterproof as well. But what about everything else? How’s your toilet paper supply; is it protected from the water?

In some cases, you can ignore waterproofing if you can store the items on the second floor of your home. I have a lot stored under the second floor eaves of my home, where it is fairly well protected from flooding. Unless the roof gets torn off my home, I won’t have to worry about losing it.

But many people have their stockpile in the basement of their home; the first place that will flood. If that’s the case, you want to be extra careful about waterproofing it. You also want to have a plan for moving those supplies upstairs, if your home starts to flood. Otherwise, you won’t be able to use any of them until the flood waters subside, simply because you won’t have access to them.

Another possibility for protecting your stockpile is to keep some of it off-site, hopefully on higher ground. That way, if your home floods, you will still have access to supplies. You can use the remotely stored supplies until your home gets to the point where you can have access to those supplies once again.

Keep in mind that your supplies are more for surviving the aftermath, than for surviving the disaster itself.

So just because your home floods and your supplies are underwater, doesn’t mean that you’ve lost them, assuming that they are properly waterproofed. You will need those supplies as you are trying to salvage what you can from your home and put your life back together.

Protect Your Home

American homes don’t handle flooding well. They are not made of materials that can withstand sitting in water for minutes, let alone days. Drywall will soak up water rather quickly, falling apart. Even the structural studs and plywood that makes up the wall structure, floors and outer sheathing of our homes can be destroyed by too much water.

Chances are that if your home floods and the flood waters stay in place for days, your home will be totally destroyed. But if the flood abates quickly, you may be able to salvage it. Carpeting, drywall and other materials will need to be replaced; but if the structural part of your home survives, it can be rebuilt.

In Mexico and in many other emerging countries, homes are built out of cinder blocks and cement. While that may not make for as nice a home, it handles flooding much better.

I have some friends in the state of Tabasco, in Mexico, whose home has flooded several times. In each case, they’ve moved the furniture to the second floor and waited it out. Once the flood waters abated they were able to clean their homes up, repaint them and put their lives back together. That’s a whole lot easier than rebuilding an American home.

Since our homes are not made that way, we need to consider trying to protect them from flooding altogether. That may be too expensive for any of us to do, but we should at least look at it.

The most common way of protecting a home or other building from flooding is to make a wall of sandbags around it, with space between the sandbags and the home. That way, any water that seeps in can be pumped out; and yes, water will seep in.

Doing this takes a lot of sandbags and a lot of sand. The wall has to be unbroken all the way around, with all of it built to a uniform height. One dip or gap makes the whole thing invalid, as the water can pour through that one spot, flooding your home.

There are other, more modern options, which have been developed for use, instead of sandbags. While these are probably more expensive than building a sandbag wall, they are also probably easier to use. essentially the idea is to create a wall out of water filled plastic tubes, two to three feet in diameter.

This wall does the same thing that the sandbag wall does, but is considerably easier to erect. A couple of different companies make these tubes, so you might want to look into them.

Stay Prepared to Bug Out

No matter what you do, always keep yourself ready to bug out. Let’s say that you decide to ride out a hurricane that’s heading for your city, like the people in Houston did. That’s your decision to make. But don’t leave yourself without options. Make sure you always have a way to escape, should it come down to that.

What do I mean by that? Either have a four-wheel-drive vehicle that is high enough to ford the waters or some sort of boat, even a raft, that you can paddle out of there. if your answer is a truck or SUV, then make sure you leave before the water gets too deep to use it.

If it’s a boat, you’ve got more time. But in that case, you want the boat ready to use, moored to your home, where you can get into it from a second-story window.

Granted, a boat is an expensive investment, especially if you’re not going to use it for fishing. But a rubber life raft is much cheaper. For that matter, a large air mattress will work, if you don’t have anything else. Just make sure that you always leave yourself an option, so that you don’t have to go down with the sinking ship.

Whatever you do, stay lert and be prepared to face the unexpected, so you and your family survive!

This article has been written by Bill White for Survivopedia.

from Survivopedia Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[stompsite]

indie bundle cruft death match volume 5: thirty game special

Okay. So. The first time I did this, I only did like 10 games. 20 felt pretty good, so I started doing that. This time, we’re gonna do 30, so that it ends on an even 100. Then we’ll go back to doing 20.

And here.

We.

Go.

EVIL GENIUS is so good that it’s in my regular rotation of games now. It’s basically a city builder, except it’s a base builder. Just scale down Tropico and you’ve got it, more or less. I really like it, but all my dudes keep getting killed and I run out of money. Trying to figure out how to get past that right now. NO, MISTER BOND, I EXPECT YOU TO LIVE.

CASTLE CRASHERS is extremely good. It’s a brawler. It’s fun. You should play it. I can’t believe I slept on it so long. SLAAAAAY.

CAYNE is an isometric adventure game from the creators of Stasis. I played the entire thing. It’s free, but it’s good enough that I recommend buying the $6.99 DLC the developers released for it, to show ‘em your support. What a great thing that was. Some of the writing was predictable--heck, the ending was obvious--but I enjoyed it nontheless. If you’re a fan of Sanitarium, play this. If you’ve never heard of Sanitarium... play Sanitarium. INCREDIBLE.

THE CAT LADY is an adventure game, I guess? I didn’t really enjoy what I played, so I gave up. ADIOS.

THE CAVE wouldn’t run at all. Black screen, no matter what I do. Shame on you, Double Fine, for releasing a game that is not fine, much less twice that. I have this game on Xbox 360 backwards compatibility somehow--probably through Games with Gold--so I’ll test it out there some other day.

CHAINSAW WARRIOR and CHAINSAW WARRIOR: LORDS OF THE NIGHT are tabletop games turned into video games. I wasn’t really into ‘em, so they’re going INTO THE DUNGEON.

As a platformer, CAVE STORY+ is not my cup of tea, and yet... I find myself enjoying it, somewhat. Enough to keep it around. WE SHALL CONTINUE.

CHAOS REBORN is a platformer/shooter thingy where you play as Anubis, the Egyptian god of death, who dies in a single hit whenever he gets shot. Not really my jam. BANISHED TO THE NETHERWORLD.

CHERRY TREE HIGH COMEDY CLUB is a visual novel where pressing the screenshot button refreshes the game. It’s got great ratings on steam, BUT I WASN’T LAUGHING.

CHOMPY CHOMP CHOMP is like Pac-Man kinda except there are four players and they’re all trying to eat the one they’re supposed to eat while avoiding the one they aren’t supposed to eat. GAME OVER.

CINDERS is a visual novel/RPG that retells the story of Cinderella. It’s got great ratings on Steam, so if this is your jam, play it. Sadly, it’s not mine. NO HAPPILY EVER AFTER HERE.

CITIES IN MOTION is by the guys who later made Cities: Skylines. It’s pretty neat. You basically manage a city transit company. I ran out of money in the tutorial. The interface is unwieldy. I like it! CHOO CHOO!

CITIZENS OF EARTH is a JRPG-style game, but you’re the Vice President of Earth. I find it charming. IT WINS THE ELECTION.

A CITY SLEEPS is a mixed-rated SHMUP from Harmonix. I had no idea it existed. Must have picked it up in a bundle? Didn’t enjoy it much. GO BACK TO SLEEP.

CLICKR is a matching game, and if you’re into that, it’s probably great. I’m not into that, so I can’t really speak to its quality. I CLICKED CLOSE.

CLONES features a kind of game design that seems familiar, but I can’t place it. Dudes keep walkin, and all you can do is alter the level so they go the way you want them to. ADIOS.

CLOSURE is a platformer where the only things that exist are the things you can see. So, uh, keep your light on. Quirky platformers and I don’t really get along, and haven’t since time immemorial. SHUT YOUR EYES.

CLOUDBUILT is a third person platforming game where I guess you’re an invisible psychic ghost of your sick and sleeping self? It felt... ‘off.’ Kinda like how Warframe feels ‘off’ after you’ve played Ninja Gaiden Black. The thing is, I like Warframe, even though it’s not Ninja Gaiden Black, so I thought I might keep Cloudbuilt around, but... ehnh. Truth is, I JUST WASN’T FEELING IT.

COBI TREASURE DELUXE is basically a match 3 game combined with tetris. It’s something I’d probably play if I had literally nothing else to play. It’s not offensively bad, it’s just not fulfilling what I get out of games. NO TREASURE HERE.

COFFIN DODGERS is Mario Kart but with old people who are trying to outrun death. DEATH CATCHES UP EVENTUALLY.

COIN CRYPT is actually kinda fun, but again, not really for me. I guess there’s a coin-themed world, and you go around spending coins you find to battle people? It’s got some kind of old console-game-that-thinks-it’s-an-rpg-but-there-is-no-roleplay thing going on. It’s neat. Just... do I really want to keep playing? ALL OUTTA QUARTERS.

COLDFIRE KEEP is a first-person game, which sounds exciting, until you realize it’s one of those grid-based dungeon crawler type games, not, like, an actual first-person real-time game. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t actually understand the appeal of this kind of game. Why not let me walk around in real time? Why navigate awkwardly on a grid? I thought people only made this game due to tech limitations, not the aesthetic, since they basically died after Doom came out, other than Grimrock. Reviews said to play Grimrock instead. Also, hey, way too verbose, game. KEEP TO YOURSELF.

COMMANDER KEEN COMPLETE PACK may be an id game, but it’s a platformer, and, like... man, it’s a genre that just does not WORK for me. I wish it did. I mean, not wish strongly enough that if a genie gave me three wishes, I’d ask the genie for the ability to enjoy platformers, but like, I feel my life would be a tiny bit better if I could enjoy platformers. I’M JUST NOT TOO KEEN ON THEM.

CONSTANT C is another platformer. Look, if you came to me wanting quality opinions on platformers, uh, don’t... do that. Don’t ask me about that. It is not something I am into. OUT LIKE A LIGHT.

CONTAINMENT: THE ZOMBIE PUZZLER should have won me over, considering it features both zombies and match puzzles, especially because of it’s cool twist where you can only eliminiate zombies by matching people around them, but the zombies can infect those people... but I dunno. Maybe I don’t like matching games unless they feature collectible Pokemon? That might explain my love of Pokemon Shuffle. These zombies, on the other hand, SHUFFLE OFF TO OBLIVION.

CORPORATE LIFESTYLE SIMULATOR is like... imagine Pikmin, but in an office, and you fight zombies, and the Pikmin elements are downplayed and nowhere near as deep as in Pikmin. Like, people follow you around the office, and they can kinda fight, I guess, but... it wasn’t deep enough to be interesting. And maybe that’s the point; the devs spent a lot more time on the player’s personal combat mechanics, and it shows. If you want to brawl with zombies, enjoy it. WHERE YOU LEAD, I CANNOT FOLLOW.

COSMO’S COSMIC ADVENTURE. I didn’t think they sell this one on Steam anymore, because I don’t think the Apogee pack is available, but hey. I googled, and apparently they do. Still, it’s a PLATFORMER.

COSMOCHORIA wouldn’t let me take a screenshot because pressing F12 opens up its Chrome web inspection interface. It’s kinda like if Mario Galaxy was a 2D game? That makes it a PLATFORMER.

COSMONAUTICA sounds like my jam: it’s a management sim where you fly a space ship around doing missions. Awesome, right? Well, the UI is a little clunky and the information is sparse, compared to a game like Caravan. Being able to manage a ship and stuff is super neat! There’s one problem: the devs abandoned it. If the game had some kind of main quest-line, and as far as I can tell, it doesn’t, I’d probably stick with it regardless. I don’t experience performance issues or anything... but it kinda puts me in mind of Banished.

I enjoyed Banished for the time I played it, but the more I played, the more I realized I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just kinda... figuring out how to optimally build a town, then doing just that. Repeatedly. I enjoy structure. The act of just flying around space, completing endless missions doesn’t appeal to me any more than building a town and surviving as long as possible does. I need more than that. Neither game is bad... but I think this is why Caravan works for me so well. It’s got a story. It’s going somewhere. I’m not just traveling between towns selling stuff. I’m on a journey. LOST IN SPACE.

COSSACKS: ART OF WAR is basically just Age of Empires 2, judging by the tutorial, which makes it the best video game I have ever played that isn’t Age of Empires 1, which most people don’t like as much as Age of Empires 2, but I do, because it is the only video game I have ever experienced nostalgia for. No, really, that economic system is virtually identical to Age of Empires. GO FORTH AND CONQUER.

It’s not like I hate the platforming genre, I just haven’t found anything in it to love recently, y’know? I enjoy Rayman’s 2D games. I like Conker’s Bad Fur Day/Live and Reloaded a lot. But the other platformers, man... so many of them, they just don’t excite me. I feel like I’ve seen everything they have to offer. There’s just “some gimmick” and a one or two button interaction with that. Sometimes you memorize button presses and repeat them before moving on.

“But, Doc, you can reduce any genre down to that.” Ehnh... I disagree. There’s a randomness to other real-time games where you don’t have to think about “when an enemy is gonna attack you” or something. There’s a lack of decision making because all you’re doing is moving between two points on a 3D plane. I don’t enjoy Pokemon Fire Red, a 2D game, for the “walking on a 2D plane” bit. I enjoy it for the monster catching/collection completion.

In platformers, that whole “moving on a 2D plane” thing IS the game. And that just doesn’t get my motor running.

Have I talked about this before? I almost feel like I have.

That’s 100 games we’ve done now. This time, we looked at 30 games, and six of them survived the culling, or 20%. This brings our total up to 78 games rejected, 22 kept. Since that’s 100 games, it’s a 78% rejection rate. Neato.

Back to 20 games per article next time!

[cinderscoria]

Still Waters

I’M BACK DID YOU MISS ME

This has been knocking around in my head for freakin ever so I’m just gonna put it down now that I have a solid idea of how it’s going to go. I’m trying second person!Five for the first time. Let me know how it goes, kay guys?

Enjoy!

Chapter: 1/7 Pairings: Maxine/Paula, Simon/Amelia with some Simon/Janine, Runner Five/everyone (brotp rules above all else) Warnings: Not that I can think of… grief, I guess. Language?  Spoilers: THROUGH SEASON 3, EPISODE 47. SERIOUSLY. SPOILERS. Summary: Five has collapsed, and no one knows why.

You’re very, very strong.

Nobody needs to tell you this. You know it. You know you’ve handled way more shit someone like you is supposed to handle. You know you’re tired every day, and that you barely think beyond completely today’s mission and eating and sleeping and trying not to fall apart. So while you don’t ever feel strong, you at least go to bed every night knowing that you are valued. That’s enough most days.

But you’ve got a threshold. Thresholds have a cap. And even desperation-fueled adrenaline runs out eventually.

“Five!”

You jolt awake, and there’s something wrong. Extremely wrong. You can’t see. You can’t move. There’s a very distinct smell of blood and carnage in the air–usually you can block that out, as it’s been the norm for the last few years after everybody turned into zombies, but this is different. It’s right up against your face. You inhale it and immediately want to be sick, but you can’t even open you eyes to see what it is, let alone push yourself as far away from it as possible. Everything feels like cement and you have an extreme urge to move. Nothing’s working. There’s a strange buzzing in your ears and you want to breathe ragged and in total terror, but the air comes slowly and deeply and it’s almost as if you’re asleep. Asleep and panicking.

Someone grabs your shoulder and everything gets really, really loud.

“Five! Oh my god! Jody, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“I don’t know!” Jody’s voice is shriller than normal, and she grips you really tight and you want to moan to let her know it fucking hurts, but you may as well be a ragdoll. “Five just collapsed!”

“They didn’t shoot–is Five hit? The Dedlocks–”

“There’s no blood, Sam,” she says, pulling you up and checking your pulse. “Heart rate is steady, breathing’s deep. Sam, I… I think Five’s asleep.”

“What?” Sam sounds about as confused as you are, except not nearly for the same reason. You’re listening, you can hear this, and you know for a fact that you’re not asleep. You’re trapped. Whatever the hell this is, it’s bad. There are Dedlocks closing in on your position, and Jody can’t carry you all the way back to Abel, especially with the homicidal psychopaths on her tail.

Sam comes to the same conclusion. “All right, I’m sending you some reinforcements. Simon and Amelia went around with the package but I might get Simon to get back and help you out?”

“Lovely,” Jody mutters. “Don’t you worry, Five. We’ll get you out of here and back to Abel.”

They do, and you don’t wake up once. You hear Maxine and it worries you that they took her out of stasis just to figure out what’s wrong with you. They say it’s an emergency, and okay, you know you’re needed at Abel, but not at the expense of anyone else. Hell, Simon and Amelia are the only ones by your side as Maxine bustles about your bed, muttering to herself under her breath. She sounds tired. You’re tired.

Sam bursts through the door. “What the hell is wrong with my runner?”

“I don’t know,” Maxine says tersely. “Paula?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” the other doctor replies, counting your pulse with two fingers on your wrist. “Pupils are reacting fine, pulse is normal… I have to agree with Jody. Five’s asleep, it’s just… it’s almost like a coma.”

“But Five will wake up, right?” Sam sounds unnaturally angry. You can’t tell where he’s directing it towards.

You’ve given up on trying to move, that awful feeling of helplessness and burdening. Your whole life is spent compensating for your own existence, trying so hard to be worth something useful and helpful and good so that people will want you–and if they don’t want you, then at least they need you. But now you’re limp and being lugged around and you almost cost Jody her life if Simon hadn’t come along and saved the both of you. And now people are wasting time trying to figure out what’s wrong with you instead of figuring out what next thing Moonchild has planned.

“Maybe something happened when Five touched that box?” Sam ventures.

“No,” says Amelia, and maybe it’s your imagination but there’s an odd shift in her voice that implies she’s actually worried about you. “I haven’t been affected, and neither has Janine when I passed it off to her. Whatever Moonchild has stashed in there, it didn’t do this to Five.”

“Then what’s wrong–”

“I don’t know, Sam,” Maxine snaps, and everyone stops and stares for a second.

You really want to sit up and tell them you’re fine. You feel fine. You just can’t move. That isn’t fine. But if you don’t think about it too much, then you don’t panic without actually panicking. And that’s easier to wrap your head around.

The silence is broken by Janine’s arrival. Everyone all but snaps to attention. Janine has that effect on people.

“Talk to me,” is all she says, and Maxine sighs.

“By all rights and purposes, Five is in perfect health,” she admits. “No bites or lacerations–no new lacerations anyway–and there’s no sickness present. Our best guess is a coma.”

“Caused by what, exactly?”

There’s a pregnant, awkward pause in response. Janine breaks it. “All right. Amelia, Simon–we are attempting to open the package Five received from Moonchild. You’re welcome to help. Otherwise, there’s no reason to stay.”

Her voice has ice in it, and Simon counters with heat. “No one gives a fuck about the box, Janine.”

You start in surprise. You don’t move, but you start. Simon doesn’t often sound so pissed. He laughs when he’s angry. He isn’t laughing now.

Janine says quietly, “I don’t know what you are suggesting, Simon, but–”

“I’m suggesting that you grow a bloody heart,” he growls. “Five is comatose, dying for all we know, and–”

“Oh,” Sam interrupts, all sarcasm, “because you’ve suddenly learned how to start caring about people other than yourself.”

“Sam,” Maxine says, appalled, but Simon talks over her.

“We all know about your disturbing obsession with Five, Sam,” he snarls, “but you’re going to have to share at some point–”

“What? It’s not an–you have no room to talk about what is and isn’t disturbing!”

“Enough!”

It comes from both Janine and Amelia, reeling their boys in, the forcefulness of the shout echoing off the walls. You slump in relief–or you try to. The door opens and then slams–Simon’s gone. You can tell by the smell. You’re not sure if that’s a good thing or not. You’re still trying to figure out just what the hell happened.

“Sit down, Mr. Yao,” says Janine. Her voice is uncharacteristically soft.

“Five will make it,” he says, with a lot more conviction than you have yourself. “Five will get through this. Five will wake up.”

“Sam.”

“I know this,” he tells Paula, and he’s so sure. “I know Five better than anyone. This is nothing. I know it. Five will wake up.”

“I’ll be back later,” Janine offers, presumably to Maxine and Paula as Sam obviously isn’t paying attention. “Will you–”

“I don’t know,” Maxine says. “I don’t know if I’ll go back. Five is my friend too. I have… I have to help.”

“I’ll make sure she’s safe,” Paula murmurs to Janine. “You should go find Simon.”

“I’ll do it.” It’s Amelia. You forgot she’s still here. You wonder more why she’s going to bother with Simon. They gave off the impression that they hated each other. But Amelia’s voice is rather quiet, too, and when she closes the door it’s gently and without a shred of superiority. You don’t know Amelia that well, but that doesn’t seem to be very in character.

What the hell is happening all around you?

There’s a hand encircling yours. “You will be fine,” Sam whispers. You can feel the warmth in his fingers and you want, more than anything, to squeeze back. But you can’t.

“You will be fine,” he repeats, and stays there for the rest of the day.

[cinderscoria]

Still Waters

Morning guys! (Or whatever time it is where you are!) We’re almost done–just the next chapter and the epilogue. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Y’all are the greatest.

I’m adding an extra warning for suicide ideation and all the stuff that goes along with it. I haven’t been in the best place, which makes for good content but not so good triggers. 

The poem quoted is called Song of the Lotos-Eaters, by Alfred Lord Tennyson. I strongly recommend you read the whole thing–it’s too long so I didn’t put it all here, just the first stanza, but it’s beautiful. I also happened to sing it in choir lol.

I’d love to hear back from y’all! Feed my author ego. Have you figured out my theme yet? *waggly eyebrows*

Enjoy!

Chapter: 5/7 Pairings: Maxine/Paula, Simon/Amelia with some Simon/Janine, Runner Five/everyone (brotp rules above all else) Warnings: Not that I can think of… grief, I guess. Language? Suicide ideation. Spoilers: THROUGH SEASON 3, EPISODE 47. SERIOUSLY. SPOILERS. Summary: Five has collapsed, and no one knows why.

You’re very, very tired.

You are so… tired.

The second day is winding to a close, and you haven’t technically slept that entire time. But this isn’t the tired that accompanies sleep deprivation. People have come and gone, asking Maxine and Paula questions, offering support to Sam, and touching your hand, or your cheek, or the top of your head to let you know that they’re there and they’re rooting for you. And it’s weird, on one hand, but kind of nice at least to know that you mean so much to people who should probably be furious with you right now. Three days since you were you again, and you knew people wouldn’t have that short of a memory but you didn’t expect them to push that aside in favor of you waking up.

This exhaustion has nothing to do with the effort of forcing your body to move. More like the years and years of strife and suffering you’ve had to get used to, and the people you’ve lost, and the people you might still lose, and the end of all things, and how hope is poisonous sometimes, and how you need to world to stop for a second so you can figure out where to go from here. It’s been two days and that’s all you can think, that’s what consumes the better part of your consciousness, and you’re tired of being tired too.

Sam has finally fallen asleep. You suspect the girlfriends have as well, probably together seeing as they haven’t argued about Maxine going back under yet. That’s mildly concerning, but you’re having a hard time caring about anything right now. Besides, they deserve some semblance of happiness. Everybody does.

The door opens, very quietly, and someone walks in. The three don’t stir but you hear the footsteps come closer, stop until it’s on the other side of your bed, the opposite of Sam. There’s a cool hand brushing your forehead, and then a sigh that sounds a lot like Janine.

“I’m afraid I might have taken you for granted,” she begins, whispering, attempting to maintain her composed demeanor. “And that I never let you know just how valuable of an asset you are to this settlement. No, to me.” She repeats quietly, “To me,” like she has to remind herself you’re the only one who can hear her be this vulnerable.

“This is not a goodbye,” she continues. “Because I do believe we can save you. Even if we can’t cure this… ailment, if we can figure out a way to sustain your life, we will. The thing is, Five, I’m not entirely sure that’s what you want.

“We’ve known each other for a long time. And I know we did not get off on the best foot, but I’ve come to consider you a close ally. Even a friend.” She laughs a little bit. “I don’t believe I ever told you, come to think of it. It occurs to me now that I’ve given you no reason to believe I respect you in any way, never mind call you friend.”

She’s wrong about that. You remember the exact second you’d earned her trust, and that goes a long way with Janine. You disagree about a lot of things, and never directly communicate most of the time, but Janine’s a friend to you, too. You just figured it wasn’t one of those things that needed to be said aloud.

Janine sighs again. “I hope you know that we didn’t rest the entire time you were missing. Certainly not Mr. Yao, of course. But I too lost sleep over your safety and sanity being twisted by that monster. And we don’t blame you. Understand? We don’t blame you. Just–oh, I don’t know how to do this… listen, Five. My point is, I like to think I know you better than you think I do. And I have noticed your recklessness and quite frankly alarming lack of self preservation when out in the field. And I have read the file Mullins has on you. I know you’ve been suicidal for a long time. So, I suppose my question is… do you want us to keep you alive?“

She lets the silence hang for a long moment. You try not to think about the things that happened before the apocalypse. Your past is one you’ve tried to forget since it started. Easier to bury memories if you pretended they didn’t exist. But your suicidal tendencies isn’t something you can leave behind with your old name. It’s followed you. You’ve stayed alive for years, even found reasons why you wanted to, but they haven’t been buried. You’re pretty sure they never will be.

"I don’t know what to do,” Janine admits. Her voice is tight and shakes a little. “I hate that. I have purposefully taken action to distance myself from runners–from everyone–for this exact reason. I thought I was better than this. But I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can barely think past my own self pity and hatred and even then it’s just to mourn. Time is running out, Five. I need to know. I… I want to know. I don’t want to do something you don’t want me to do.”

It turns more into a question by the end of the sentence. You want to console her, tell her you wouldn’t know what to do if the positions were reversed, that she’s doing a good job. But when have words ever worked for you? You don’t say much to begin with. It’s startling to think that your need to wake is purely stemming from a desire to make everyone happy. The thought makes you sick, even when it shouldn’t. But she wants to make people happy. That’s what she told you. She can make you happy.

You’re not sure where happiness will come from. Since you’ve arrived at Abel you’ve found something similar, something that replaced the desolation that your mind had become. You were filled with feelings, thoughts and opinions and love for your friends and sometimes more, fear and desperation and everything that filled up what used to be a hollow cavern, deserted of all hope. You don’t want to lose that.

But you’re tired.

Sam stirs, and that’s enough of that. “J'nine?” he mumbles.

“Have a nice nap, Mr. Yao?” She’s back to her usual detached, almost angry tone. It immediately puts Sam on the defensive.

“I’m not leaving until Five wakes up,” he growls.

Janine just sighs. “I wasn’t going to ask you to, Sam.”

Sam doesn’t say anything for a full ten seconds; he’s as shocked as you are at the use of his first name.

“We’ve opened the box,” she continues. “Simon and Amelia are on their way with it. Up and at ‘em, Doctors Myers and Cohen. We’ve got one last thing to try.”

“You’ve opened it?” Sam demands, finally finding his voice, and the room comes alive with the sounds of shifting and groaning and pained exhales.

“Do not ever let me sleep in an office chair again,” Maxine complains. “What’s all the ruckus about?”

“Janine?” Paula prompts.

The door opens again and in rush the other two, and with that the gang is complete. You feel something stirring in your gut. Anxiety, maybe. Something that isn’t quite hope, but isn’t quite despair either.

“It was one of those trick boxes,” Janine explains, before the animosity between Simon and Sam can heat up again. “Amelia, as it turns out, is surprisingly skilled in the like.”

“Don’t pretend you had nothing to do with it, Janine,” says Amelia. “You’re the one who figured out we were going about it the wrong way.”

“So?” Sam bounces impatiently at your side. If your lips twitch into a smile, he doesn’t notice. “What’s in it?”

“Two things,” Amelia says. “A letter and a poem.”

“We thought reading them aloud would trigger something,” Janine continues. “And since Simon was feeling left out–”

“Excuse me–”

“–we’re going to let him read them to Five and see what happens.”

There a soft noise of surprise from Simon that kind of warms your heart a bit. What a bullheaded moron. He’s got lower self esteem than you do, and that’s saying something.

“All right,” he says, clearing his throat. “Okay. Um, we’ll do the letter first. From Moonchild, of course. It goes,

Five.

Losing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I need you to know that.

I just love you a lot, you know? I feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives. I’ve felt a connection with you I haven’t felt with anyone. I can see in you what I saw in my father; but you, Five, you have the strength to fight it. The things you’ve told me, about Abel, about Sam… I thought I could give you the same feeling, and more, and I realize now that I couldn’t maintain it like they can.

So here it is, my last gift to you. It works out in the end, you know. You will have your peace at long last and I will do my best to bring it to everyone else. I know you requested this, Five, and I know I promised, but… I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss our talks. I’m going to miss your smile–that one only reserved for me. So what I’m saying is, take care of yourself in whatever world you find yourself in next, okay? I love you. I am with you always.

Moonchild

PS. I found that poem you told me you sang in choir–the sweet music one? I’ve included it. Just a present for you.”

And the silence is deafening.

Simon stuttered on a few parts. The disbelief saturates the atmosphere as everyone struggles to find something to say. You’re confused, and horrified, and terrified, and disgusted, and tired. You don’t remember what all you told her, but there’ve been secrets you never shared with anyone–and little things, like that song you sang in choir, something that’s so small and means nothing but the fact that she has that thing from your old life, even something as insignificant as that, is sickening.

And Simon is stuck on something entirely different. "Five wanted this.”

“No,” Sam says, but his grip doesn’t tighten on your hand again.

“Yes,” Simon says with a harsh chuckle. “Oh, yes, this was Five’s plan all along.”

“Moonchild brainwashed–” Maxine started to say, but Simon spoke over her.

“Yes, but it was still Five, wasn’t it?” It came out as a shout, very hoarse, ripped through with something very akin to anguish, something you haven’t heard from him in a while. Not even a few days before, when he was slowly guiding, practically begging, you back to Abel.

“Five’s idea,” he went on, and you hear him pacing away from you. “Five’s contingency plan. Five’s request.”

“No,” Sam moans.

“Simon.” Janine cuts through the rapidly escalating din and stops Simon just as the knob is turning on the door. “Read the poem, Simon.”

Simon lets out a harsh breath. A really harsh breath. And another, and another after that. And you can just feel the waves of self destruction radiating off of him. You know if he takes another step out of their line of sight, he’s going to disappear–to try to kill himself again, to shred his skin and his new face and hand, to go violently destroy some zombies or let them destroy him… it doesn’t matter. Janine can see it too. She brings him back down to Earth–not completely, not by a long shot. But he stays.

There’s the sound of paper unfolding, just over one of the doctors–or maybe both, you can’t tell–choking back a gasping sob that makes the room seem smaller than it does even with your eyes closed.

“There is sweet music here,” Simon begins, but his voice is too thick to go on. He swallows and breathes and starts over.

“There is sweet music here that softer falls Than petals from blown roses on the grass Or night dews on still waters between walls Of shadowy granite, in a gleaming pass; Music that gentlier on the spirit lies, Than eyelids upon tired eyes Music that brings sweet sleep down from the blissful skies. Here are cool mosses deep, And through the moss the ivies creep And in the stream the long-leaved flowers weep And from the craggy ledge the poppies hang in sleep.”

You sing along in your head. The song always calmed you in a way nothing else really ever could. Once, before the apocalypse, you’d looked up all the different compositions of it on Youtube. They were all beautiful, but yours will always be the one your choir teacher composed himself. It made the sleep part of it all too real for you.

Because you’re tired. Just, very tired. And you should maybe be in some physical pain, and you should be hungry and thirsty, but you aren’t. You’re just heavy. Emotionally, too.

Simon trails off, stating flatly, “There’s nothing else here. Just a line that says, "Give us long long rest or death, dark death, or dreamful ease.”

Maxine cries. Paula cries. Sam is shaking. Simon leaves. Amelia follows. And Janine puts a hand on the top of your head, brushing her fingertips across your forehead, before tucking the two pieces of paper under your free hand.

“I suppose I have my answer, don’t I?” she murmurs. She’s calm on the outside. But you’re worried. You’re worried about her. You’re worried this is out of your hands. You’re worried this was your choice. You’re worried that you’re going to die.

She leaves, and the three of them break down together. Sam is still denying the words on the papers, insisting that Moonchild is lying, that all she does is lie, and no one argues with him. You don’t think they have the energy. You certainly don’t.

You want things to be okay, but to be honest, at this point, your okay is starting to look way different than theirs.