#comparison's my vice. my ego is nonexistent. the medication isnt working well enough.

[codaynamics]

i keep getting hit with this strong impulse to just. delete everything. drop off the face of the earth.

i know its a bad impulse bc ultimately the reason behind it is that i want to feel wanted but its also like. i want to feel like i mattered, like i had a bigger impact on the spaces i occupy, and being haunted by the idea that i could one day just disappear, and people would forget about me, or that nobody really cared in the end.

again. i know its all negative impulse bullshit. i know im aurrounded by people who care and want the best for me, i just.

sometimes i feel like if i died, nobody would notice.