#complexity and moral ambiguity done right

[snow-lavender]

"i shouldn't have to be afraid of my own brother" the utter lack of introspection my GOD

[epicyonbeforeidie]

I don’t usually write rants like this, but I need to get this off my chest.

With Cyrene who is clearly an Elysia expy coming to Honkai Star Rail, I sincerely hope she won’t be too much like Elysia. I wouldn’t mind if she shared some conceptual similarities, as long as it’s done right this time. But honestly, my hopes aren’t high.

I have a lot of thoughts about Elysia, and none of them are positive. At best, I see Elysia as the biggest disappointment in the entire series at worst, I outright despise her.

The thing is, I love “perfect savior” characters. They usually come with deep emotional arcs, internal conflict, and explorations of both the good and bad sides of humanity. That’s why Elysia frustrates me so deeply.

She’s portrayed as this flawless, idealized being loved by all of the characters, and even the writers. The narrative constantly screams at you: “She sacrificed everything for humanity! She is perfect! She loves humanity! She married humanity! She’s your wife too! - Don’t you love her already?”

But it all feels empty and shallow. Her so determination rings hollow because she never actually struggles. She doesn’t make mistakes. The story tells us she’s witnessed humanity at its best and worst but we never see this. Everyone worships her, and the moment there’s even a slight hint that she might doubt herself as a Herrscher, the writing bends over backward to reassure her that none of it matters because she’s just that perfect.

She doesn’t fight her nature. She doesn’t question her convictions. And because she never experiences genuine negative emotion, her “goodness” has no weight. She’s like a cardboard cutout that is sweet to the point of blandness.

What makes it worse is that there was potential. There were hints she could have been more than just a flawless goddess — maybe even morally ambiguous. But those hints go nowhere. It’s a waste of setup and a complete letdown.

Perfect characters can work, when their perfection is shown to be inhuman, and even evil and dangerous in its incompatibility with humanity.

Maybe I’ve been spoiled by Fate a series full of complex savior figures like Morgan, Castoria, Kiara, Jeanne d’Arc, and all of the Beasts. Each of them is unique, carefully written, sometimes heroic, sometimes terrifying. They struggle. They question themselves. They feel. The writing doesn’t beg us to love them it just shows us who they are and lets us come to that conclusion on our own.

I still cling to a sliver of hope. The Amphoreus arc is written by a different team than the Elysian Realm, and they gave us Phainon a brilliant example of a savior archetype done right. He’s full of doubt, hiding his negative emotions behind a mask of perfect deliverer. He’s broken, lost, and empty yet he still fights to find his convictions and protect the world.

So I beg let Cyrene, who seems to be another “savior” type have real flaws. Let her feel, struggle, and have a opinions on the world around her. That’s all I ask.

[ryuzakemo128]

Pairing: Poly141! x Female Reader

Content Warnings: Swearing, medical examinations, medical terms, medical terminology, slight angst, graphic descriptions of the effects of being alone for ten years. Nikolai appears for a little while in this part. But he becomes a permanent character later. Cute nicknames. Pet names. Smut implications. Rather heavy handed

Dividers: @cafekitsune

Word Count: 3146

Note: I hope you enjoyed this part. If you have more ideas of where to have this go next. Then by all means message me or put it in comments below. I read all comments by the way.

Omegaverse Parts: Part One + Part Two + Part Three + Part Four

Masterlist

It’s been three months since you were back at the base. You weren’t too sure how the military personnel would react to your return. You were certain this wasn’t real, and you would certainly wake up soon.

You were now under the bright lights of the medical room. You didn’t know what to think now. If you were allowed to return, why the need for all these tests?

What were they testing for? What aren’t they telling you?

Why are they staring at you like you were going to die any day now?

Would it have been better to have been out in the wild instead?

All these questions spurned, swirled and turned inside your head. You didn’t know what to think. You didn’t know what you should feel.

Your skin felt like it was on fire with each poke, prod and needle injected into you. You didn’t like it. You loathed it. But what could you do? What was there to do? Other than to lie there and take what they dished out unto your body. Your shell. Your image.

Nothing is left untouched because anything you have deemed sacred wasn’t treated that way by them. Your life before wasn’t like that, and now you are left wondering if it was better to be alone rather than to have a place of ‘belonging’ in the first place.

An unknown creature made by mother nature they couldn’t easily define.

“I can’t take more tests.” You stated, your face pressed against the glass one-way window and your eyes shut. The IV drip jabbed into your right arm as you are so, so tired. “I should have stayed out there.”

As the days continued to pass, you weren’t sure what to think anymore and the more time to yourself. The more time you spend regretting ever deciding it was a good idea to come back.

What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? You don’t know now. You don’t want to know the answer to either question.

Who knew what would happen now?

You didn’t know. And for once, you had something far more tangible to be afraid of.

You do know if anything told you about predators, if anything about being in the wild taught you anything in those long ten years alone. You still don’t know how they affected you or if they made you ‘better’ at this.

At this job. At existing as you are and as you were before. Who knows?

Not like you will get the truth out of them without pulling teeth from their snapping jaws. You don’t know how long it will take for them to find out you are part of an incredibly morally grey, morally complicated, morally complex, morally fucked in the head, morally ambiguous. And more likely to go ‘feral’ if left alone for too long.

While you were asleep on the table, the doctor pulled them aside to the observation room outside the examination area.

“The effects of being isolated for eleven years are apparent,” The doctor stated, pulling up the brain scan on the digital whiteboard. “As you can see on the brain scan here, the amygdala and the hippocampus have both grown significantly. This could explain the heightened sense of danger and enhanced memory.”

“Other things that are affected are things like her nails, while they were oddly shaped before, they are now razor sharp. They can and will slice you open or dig into layers of your flesh.” The doctor continued showing off an image of damage done to a mannequin.

Price watched from the corner, his hand in his pocket, rubbing the bruise you left behind on his hand. The way your eyes glinted with the fireplace light, the way your teeth dug into his skin. It was almost like he enjoyed it. Like it was a silent declaration of something.

“Her wolf teeth evolved too,” the doctor continued to ramble. “They are far better than what they used to be.”

That statement alone hinted at the fact this doctor knows you far better than they thought they did. Price took a step closer, his curiosity piqued, “How so?”

The doctor pointed to the image on the board, “Her teeth, while sharp, they’re not just for show. They’re capable of injecting a venom. A venom that can incapacitate or kill anyone it comes into contact with. We’re not sure how or why this evolution happened. But it’s a significant advantage in combat. One that we can’t ignore.”

Price’s eyes narrowed, the implications of this newfound information were vast. If you had the capability to produce such a powerful venom, then that would explain why Shepherd was so keen on keeping you a secret. It was a weapon they hadn’t fully unlocked yet.

It also calls into question as to why you were kept a secret or left out there for ten years. What was General Shepherd afraid of?

What did he hope for when he threw her to the wolves in Siberia?

Did he hope she’d die out there?

The disconnect between the reality of knowing she wouldn’t have died and the hope the cold, starvation would kill her is large enough to fit the titanic.

“We need to keep this under wraps. It shouldn’t get back to General shepherd. The last thing we need is to have him tipped off about your return or anything we have learned about you.” Price stated.

“We can’t afford, if the General gets wind of this, he’ll do anything to control you. To use you as a weapon again. You’re not going anywhere near that monster.” Ghost remarked in agreement with Price.

“How does my organs look though?” you asked the doctor, more concentrated on your own health than how fast you could kill someone.

The doctor nodded, clicking away on their computer, “Your organs are surprisingly healthy given your diet out there. We’ve seen some malnourishment but nothing too serious, a bit of vitamin deficiency.”

The doctor continued to speak after you gave her the nod to go ahead, “Nothing we can’t fix with supplements. Your body is adapting to what’s available in the wild, which is quite extraordinary. It’s almost as if you’ve evolved to survive in such conditions. Your liver and kidneys are functioning at optimal levels, considering. But we’ll run some more tests to be sure.”

“What about the stomach and pancreas?” you questioned. “I had a lot of boar, deer, and bear meat. Can't say I've had a lot of greens out there. Besides mushrooms, fruit like berries and the occasional wild garlic.”

The doctor nodded again, scribbling some notes, “It's understandable given the environment. We'll need to keep an eye on your digestive system, but preliminary results indicate you're doing surprisingly well. It seems your body has adapted to extract the maximum nutrients from what's available.”

While you were settling into the base, you were keen on getting at least the optimal hours of sleep again. The nice, seven to nine hours of sleep. In between your fur blankets, insulated and the cold kept far from you.

After six hours, almost seven hours of sleep later, your door opened little by little. An unknown scent wafted in from the door, who is it? You can’t identify that smell at all. You frown as the scent gets closer to your bed.

The Russian accent finally gave it away now, odd to hear that here, of all places. You didn’t think it would have been something to wake up to. Yet here it was. Laid out in front you like an unwelcome sign with enough red lights to make the red-light district question itself.

You don’t know what the bear wanted from you, not like you could or would give anything to the guy anyway. But that it is beside the point. You shifted around in your blanket pile and pulled your pants back on. Don’t question why you don’t have pants on. Overheating is a major issue for you during winter, and the heat rashes drive you up the wall.

Nikolai. Whoever he is. Standing in your quarters like it was summer in the middle of the Sahara desert wearing a pair of shorts.

“Aren't you cold wearing those things?” you asked, drowsy and half asleep. You braced yourself for a no for an answer.

The stubborn bear never paid enough attention to the weather reports anyhow. It didn’t matter how many times you’d tell him. He wouldn’t listen to you anyway. It’s a wonder no one gave him an earful already. Not that you wanted to be that person to that.

You didn’t want Price ranting and raving at how you ‘hurt his feelings’ or some kind of bullshit excuse he might throw at you.

You didn’t care about hurt feelings, why would you? If any of them were alone for as long as you, were, they wouldn’t care either. Though you doubt they would have the guts to even last that long anyway.

You reached out for your shirt to put on underneath the layers of blankets. Not that you cared that he would still be standing there in total silence anyway. You didn’t wear a bra out in the wild and you still don’t.

City wolves would. Wolves like yourself? Unheard of. Unless you really needed it, most wolves, lone wolves like you? Didn’t bother with the trivialities of human societal norms like underwear and other such things.

If you felt the need to have such a thing you would have to learn from trial and error to make one yourself. Just like you were taught through ONI.

Men and Women had to learn how to sew in ONI. Both genders were required to learn it in order to be self-sufficient in the field. It was a necessary skill, especially when you’re in the middle of nowhere with no tailor in sight.

Probably why you asked for linen based clothes which Price didn’t think you’d be that specific in your request. Not that the doctor minded, she knew the benefits of linen just as much as you did.

If you were still in ONI’s branch headquarters, you would be wearing running shorts and a sports bra. Maybe a muscle shirt over the top of the sports bra to ward eyes off your chest region.

It was airy, enough material to cover yourself while also leaving out enough material to keep your body from overheating to an uncomfortable degree. The doctor had listened, much to the amusement of the men who had accompanied her.

While you braided your hair to prevent it from resembling a raccoon's post-food wash mess. You didn’t know what to think of the larger man. “I am sure you are here for an important reason, right?”

You didn’t know whether they wanted to recreate your old room with their own touches or if they wanted to go ham and just fuck in front of you.

The hormones were all over the place leaving you feeling like you were in an unending fever dream you can’t find yourself to leave because one, its too weird. Secondly its like getting flash banged in a fire fight or a western style show down.

Who knew if this would only be just another temporary space? You didn’t. You were just waiting uneasy and waiting until you had to find a new permanent spot on your own again. Instead of the wilderness. It would be inside the city this time.

Nikolai looked over the new hideout plans you had started for yourself. The combination of four storage containers. Two stacked on top of another two, forming a two-story space and the containers would be forty feet.

The outside would be painted Vanta Black to blend into the dark to make it virtually unable to see in the dark. The windows would be made of a one-way mirror, so you can see out without being seen. Allowing you to walk around naked.

If you desired to walk around your own hideaway stark-naked that is. Not that it would happen with five people staring at you or one of them staring at you. They’d enjoy the view of you unwrapped far, far too much.

The other ideas you had come up with were things like: hidden cameras camouflaged by the black paint. Along with visible thermal imaging cameras that look like security cameras only they won’t record audio, camera footage or anything which could be traced back to you. They would only detect and record heat signatures into an excel spreadsheet linked to a server database.

You had a dot point list of other ideas you had in mind for what to put inside it:

Camouflage Netting: It’s not just for military use anymore, it’s for hiding your hideout. It’s a way to make sure that no matter where you are, you’re protected from the eyes of anyone that’s looking for you.

Infirmary: Just in case someone gets hurt and needs medical attention. It’s not just for patching up gunshot wounds, but also for dealing with your unique condition.

Library of survival books: Because even the best of us need to brush up on their skills every once in a while. Plus, it’s always good to have a plan B, C, D, and so on.

Reloading Bench: This would provide with a source of ammunition, store your excess amount of ammunition created and to provide a workbench specifically for ammunition. Plus, it keeps everything organized and in one place.

Security System: You had thought about installing a silent alarm system that notifies the four of you if anyone gets too close for comfort. It would be linked directly to your phones or coms.

Solar Panels: To provide power and reduce the dependency on the grid. You weren’t going to be living in the dark ages, even if you’re living off the grid.

Soundproof Panels: Installed within the walls of the hideout to prevent any noise from escaping or entering, which was crucial for both privacy and safety during your heat.

Underground Tunnels: To escape and enter the hideout without being seen. It’s a safety net if shit hits the fan and you need to escape quickly. Plus, it’s a great way to get around unseen and get to places without having to leave the safety of your own base.

Nikolai looked over what you have come up with so far, eyes scanning over the drawings beside each dot point to drive home what you hoped to create in the future. You don’t know where this will end up being created. But for now, it remains an idea. No matter how ‘grandiose’ it sounded to him.

Debating with yourself if Yorkshire or Coventry would be better for this kind of hideout you were mentally creating for yourself. You didn’t know which place would be better and you didn’t know if they would react well to it either. A minefield hidden among the eggshells. What to do. What to do.

Would it be better to have them live inside a house while you lived on the land just outside?

Would it be better to just by a chunk of land and build something replicated from your own mind?

What is the better outcome? What is better for you? Which is going to help you more?

These questions swam around in your head like a tornado. A whirlwind of doubt and confusion. Until you heard his voice speak again, “You thought about this a lot, Da?” he asked.

You nodded, not completely trusting your voice not to crack and unable to find the will to speak either. The intensity of his stare made you squirm, intense, far too intense, you refused to be intimidated by him regardless.

Irrespective of what his opinion of what your choices meant to him. You had to keep yourself safe first. You can’t be bogged down by the opinions or notions of what they think you needed.

“Is there a problem?” you probed subtly.

“No….No problem here little mouse.” Nikolai answered his eyes finally darting back to your writing again.

You ignored the odd nickname he decided to call you at least it was better than ‘Darling’ or ‘darlin’ like the other four loved to call you. Though it did feel odd to hear anyone to call you things like that.

It was always either, ‘Venom’, ‘V’, ‘Devil’, ‘Beast’ or just your name. It is incredibly for someone to choose to call you by your name for some reason. Not that you cared that much about it.

Nikolai called you things like: 'Lyubimaya', 'Malinka', 'Milyaya', 'Solnyshko', 'Zayka' and, the oddest one of all, 'Moy Kotyonok' (My Kitten). Each name brought a slight blush to your cheeks, even though you knew they were just endearments in his language. He was always looking at you with a smirk, enjoying your reaction.

The act of calling you things like: ‘Little Mouse’, ‘Darling’, ‘darlin’. They did things to your mind, scratching a part of your brain you enjoyed more than you thought you would have. Though you preferred 'Little Mouse'. Over ‘Darling’ and ‘darlin’.

The cutest nicknames someone to think of piled onto you like a truck load of plushies. You didn’t know what to think of it all. You still don’t. You’re not sure if it was the hormones fucking with your mind or if it was the act of caring in general. Either way you find yourself liking it more than you assumed you would have.

Nikolai asked, “May I add a few more dot points?”

“Sure. Just don’t add anything that doesn’t help long term. If you can focus on long term things? Sure. Otherwise, add notes pertaining to other parts of the hideout you think it needs.” You answered.

Nikolai nodded, understanding the need to think long term instead of the short term, a hideout needed to think past the immediate needs and look at the potential problems you could have in the future.

“Da, I will keep this in mind, Little Mouse. Maybe we can have a room for vodka. Yes? It is good for the soul, and it keeps the cold away, da?” He smirked, trying to lighten the mood with a bit of humour.

“I was hoping for mead.” You quipped with a smirk. “Perhaps we could add beehives to make sure the honey is fresh?”

Nikolai’s eyes lit up with the idea. “Mead! Yes, good for the soul, keeps the cold away, and it is something we can make ourselves! You are clever, Little Mouse.” He scribbled the idea onto the paper, his rough, calloused hand moving swiftly across the page.

Perhaps it was in fact better to work with others instead of relying on yourself. Perhaps you have room for five others inside that heart of yours.

You would like that right?

Little mouse.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

On occasion, I swear I get undertones from the side of the fandom that liked the season 5 finale that “if you didn’t enjoy it, you must not be smart enough to understand it”…

But… that’s kind of a really stupid argument?

Is this not a TV show intended for 5-12 year olds? If the writing is too complicated for a grown adult to understand, then they have failed at writing a good kids show. Point blank period.

You can write a good kids show that has elements that go right over the kids heads, but those elements should be subtle bonuses that mildly improve the story. They should not be a key part of the overall message. A great little example is this scene from Bluey where the titular character finds an obnoxious "lost" toy hidden under the sink in the laundry room:

Adults and older kids watch this scene and immediately get why the toy was under the sink, but little kids probably miss it. That's not a problem because the sink thing is just a bonus joke that is not vital to the message of this episode. If the sink joke was vital to understanding the message, then the writers would have failed at their job because they wrote something too subtle for the intended audience.

That's why I'm so critical of everything Miraculous is doing. Even if there's ultimately going to be an amazing story here, they've failed to tell it in a way that the intended audience can engage with and that makes the story objectively bad no matter how good it is for older viewers. The lessons should be obvious. The jokes should be obvious, too. There should be no question about what the message is.*

The season five ending is a perfect example of why Miraculous is objectively bad for its intended audience. Lets say that season six is going to address all of the issues with Gabriel and tell us that he was an abusive monster. How powerful is that lesson going to be to the five-year-old who grows out of the show in the year between season five ending and season six airing? What about the kid who obsessively rewatches seasons one to five in the hiatus between seasons and internalizes the happy ending? Or the kid who only watches the show casually and doesn't remember most of the early seasons by the time their issue are addressed?

Obviously those kids won't walk away with a great lesson, which is why shows aimed at kids usually make their morals clear by the end of every episode. Complex morals told over seasons are a bad fit here. Kids in the show's intended age group are only just starting to really learn about the complexities of the world. They generally don't have the life experience to question the show's morals.

That's not to say that shows for kids can't have cliffhangers. The cliffhangers just need to be about the story, not the morals. Season four was a good example of this. While I don't think it was a great final, it did have a clear message. It ends with Ladybug stating what she'd supposedly done wrong - even if season four didn't actually have her do what she said she did - and the question was only what would she do now. There was no moral ambiguity about what happened. Every episode of Miraculous should feel that way, but the show often fails at this. There's way to much ambiguity for a kids show. The fact that many adults can't tell if Gabriel was evil or not is a terrible sign!

*I will note that even perfectly clear messages can be twisted into baffling shapes by viewers of all ages and people will read into things in ways that leave even talented writers scratching their heads. The pigeon thing comes to mind as a good, Miraculous-based example of poor media literacy. So I wouldn't go so far as to say that a kids show is always bad if adults misinterpret things. It depends on how widespread the misinterpretation is and how logical the misreading is. The season five ending is a good example of a true issue because it's played like a happy ending. It's not weird that some people took that at face value while others are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Only time will tell which side is right, which should not be the case when we're dealing with content like the widespread manipulation of an abuse victim in a show aimed at children. That should be presented as unequivocally wrong. Instead, the lies lead to a kiss and happy smiles.

[fefairys]

collection of hussie book commentary notes from the conversation where vriska confides in john after killing tavros

"Then John starts wandering around this random castle as Vriska initiates a fairly long Sadstuck conversation involving way too much blue text. Primarily she is feeling slightly guilty about this "murder" she accidentally did, so she looks for a sympathetic and gullible nerd's shoulder to cry on, and continue emotionally manipulating him into liking her, and also emotionally manipulating you into regarding her as a complex, morally ambiguous person who is also your favorite character."

"And then Vriska just keeps on going, revealing that it was her very first murder... Wait, except for all those other murders she did to feed her spider mom. But she didn't like those people! And her shitty spider mom was hungry. And yes, it may have been an absolutely genocidal number of murders, BUT. Look how sad she looks in that panel. D'aw, don't be like that Vriska. All is forgiven. Wait, what's that? There was a second friendmurder you forgot about? Aradia? Hmm, that one keeps slipping your mind, doesn't it. Well, that doesn't sound great, but we already just offered blanket amnesty for every bad thing you've ever done, because we can't bear to see you this sad. So that confession doesn't really count against you. Any more murders you'd like to confess? Because those are all fine too. Wait, maybe don't tell us about any more, so it doesn't make us feel any weirder about this. Just joking, you can tell us. You can do whatever you want. We're gonna allow that, because that's what it means to forgive someone who looks as truly sorry as you do right now."

"There's a whole other dimension of self indulgence we're seeing from her, switching gears from "Here's why my literal thousands of murders shouldn't be held against me," to "It sure is a shame we never got to grow up, but [lip trembles a bit]...it was awfully nice we got to make all your stars for you along the way." ... At the end of the day, Vriska did 90% of the talking, while John intermittently offered a few remarks such as "wow" and "geez" and "huh" and "golly, that's a lot of murders..." But then, that's why John is such a perfect friend. And an even perfecter friend for Vriska, who really just wants a boy-foil functioning as the ultimate enabler and sounding board for her apologist "multicultural" navel gazing and self-absorbed rationalization narratives."

[ciciyup]

Control.

cw: brainwashing, slight yandere, manipulation, obsession, abuse of power, non-con, dark themes, moral ambiguity.

━━━━━━✧ 🦢 ✧━━━━━━

Darkness doesn't arrive suddenly; it seeps in, little by little, between the folds of a mind that once knew what light was. Shinso Hitoshi knew this. He knew that what he had done was beyond redemption, that he didn't even deserve his own forgiveness.

He had learned to smile. Not like the others, not with joy. But as a reflex, like a gesture learned over time to feign normality. Shinso Hitoshi knew how to behave, he knew how to look without seeming to look, he knew how to coexist without being noticed. And, above all, He knew when to keep quiet. He always had. At U.A., earned respect didn't entirely erase the echoes of old laughter. He had learned from a young age that not all quirks were welcome. His quirk, feared and misunderstood, put him in a different category than the rest. They regarded him with suspicion, distrusted his presence, and although he said he didn't care, a part of him did. It hurt him. It ached. The echo of those words continued to throb like a wound that never fully healed. “His quirk is dangerous.” “How do we know if he doesn’t control us when he wants to?” “He could be a villain with that power…” They said it quietly. Sometimes, they meant it more strongly than they said it. He knew it. He felt it.

But then you appeared. Powerful, charming, distant, disciplined. But not with him. With him, you were different from the start. You weren’t close at the sports festival. You hadn’t even met. But when he lost to Midoriya, when he found himself standing there, shoulders tense, pride shattered, it was you who approached him. There was no pity in your words, no false compassion. “Your quirk can be heroic if you are.” That day, you ignited something in him, something he couldn’t name. It wasn’t love, not at first. It was a spark. A need to be seen. To be recognized as something more than a dangerous tool. It was something subtler, deeper. A slow longing, cultivated with every gesture you made. Your calm voice. Your quiet strength. Your ability to see him as an equal. From then on, Shinso would watch you, not out of obsession back then, but out of admiration. They would cross paths in training, in the hallways, and even occasionally shared long silences sitting on the terrace, without needing to speak. You included him. You didn't need to tell him you were friends; he simply felt it. As the years passed, life at U.A. became more complex. Shinso managed to get into the hero class and gained everyone's respect... but the emptiness in his chest was never fully filled. You were still there, beautiful, distant, calm... with your measured way of speaking, your undeniable power, your unwavering presence. You were like a star to him: unattainable.

Then came Monoma. He didn't know when it started. You were always discreet to the bone, but Hitoshi was no fool. Not with you. He knew it long before they confirmed it with glances, absences, and details. They touched each other differently. They searched for each other in silence. Their fingers sometimes brushed against each other when they thought they were alone. He knew it from the way you changed. You became softer, more cheerful in Monoma's presence. The darkness Shinso had kept at bay began to grow. It wasn't anger at Monoma, not even resentment toward you. It was a storm in his chest, a need that bordered on desperation. He knew it. He knew he had no right to feel the way he felt. That he couldn't blame you. But the more he tried to shut down what he felt, the more that sick thought grew, that gnawing need: "Why wasn't it me?"

It was his last year at U.A. The sky was overcast. Gray, as if someone had covered the world with a wet blanket. The city was silent in the distance. The atmosphere was quieter than usual. You walked alone after leaving the practice room. Shinso saw you from afar, your calm steps, your hair stirred by a light breeze. He approached. He wasn't planning on doing it... or maybe he was. Maybe he'd been thinking about it for days. Maybe his mind had been breaking down in silence for too long.

—Hey —he greeted, with perfectly studied calm. As if he didn't just greet you like any other day. As if it were any other day.

—Hitoshi —you replied, nodding your head. You didn't see it coming. You trusted him. You considered him a close friend. Someone you could trust. And yet, it was everything he needed. You had no chance to sense it. No one did. No one would have imagined it. Not his friends. Not Aizawa. Not you.

—Follow me.

You were led effortlessly, in silence, to the secluded bathroom in one of the older blocks on campus. The one that almost no one used at that time of day. Where no one would see. Where no one would hear. You obeyed, without emotion, without judgment. Only the echo of an order in your mind, stuck like an invisible hook. Shinso closed the door behind him. You were still, without will, without awareness. Your gaze was empty.

—Kiss me.

You moved. You didn't hesitate. You didn't question. You clung to him, obedient. Your lips met his without desire, without passion, without meaning. But Shinso... Shinso felt every second like divine punishment. He kissed you as if it could fill the emptiness in his chest. As if he could erase Monoma's name from your lips. As if he could become that "someone" you had once chosen.

Shinso knew it was wrong; he knew it from the moment his quirk was used out of desire and not need. He simply didn't feel like himself. Not when your lips tasted like this. Not when their tongues intertwined like this. He took hold of the back of your neck, pulling you closer. He buried his face in your neck, kissed it. He breathed in your perfume, running his nose over your skin like a soft caress. He observed the small details on your neck, those intimate details that only a few would have the privilege of seeing. He touched and caressed your hips with a mixture of need and guilt. Shinso's hands trembled, not from fear, but from hunger. Hunger for something that would never belong to him. His heart pounded. But his mind… his mind screamed. He drew you even closer, if that were even possible. He kept touching you. With anxiety. With anger. With love. With admiration. With guilt. At one point, his head rested on your shoulder, and the silence fell; yet, Shinso didn't cry. He didn't reflect for a moment on what he'd done. He just stayed that way. He didn't quite destroy you, but he did steal something he shouldn't have.

And when he had had enough, when he felt on the verge of breaking, he let go of you with a mixture of bitter satisfaction and self-loathing. He looked up to meet your dull, cold, expressionless eyes. As if they could see right through him without you even seeing it in his actions. Ordering you to return to the starting point, you left the bathroom, and as he deactivated his quirk to free you, he looked at you silently, leaving only the echo of an empty conversation in your memory. You only blinked once. Your brow furrowed slightly, as if something didn't add up, and you continued to stare at him, with the same, detached look as always. You gave him a slight nod before walking away with firm steps, moving further and further away until your silhouette disappeared.

Shinso watched you walk away, feeling cold and hollow. A monster. He was the only one who had stayed there with the memory, with the crime. He didn't punish himself with words, he only felt. He felt his soul bend under the weight of his own betrayal. Because you trusted him. Because you were his friend. Because you were the only clean thing he thought he had, and he had soiled it. No one knew. Not even he wanted to fully acknowledge what he had done. Was there redemption? Could he make up for it by being a hero? Could he silence the echo in his head that reminded him that, in the end, he was exactly what everyone feared? A villain with the face of a hero. Perhaps his heroic actions made up for what he did, he told himself. Perhaps if he saved enough lives, if he became exemplary, he could redeem himself. Could a single sin bury all the good he had done? Could he bury such a dark truth under the guise of virtue?

He never spoke of it again. Not even to himself. But at night, when the world slept, his mind replayed the scene over and over again. Your name. Your eyes. Your body against his. And then silence. Because perhaps, that afternoon, in that gray cloud suspended between heaven and earth, he ceased to be the Hitoshi you thought you knew and became someone even he couldn't forgive. But he kept walking. Because only he knew what had happened, and he would never be able to confess it to anyone. What you didn't remember couldn't hurt you. But it did for him, and it slowly destroyed him. And sometimes, the guilt was so overwhelming that he wished someone would find out. To punish him. To tell him he didn't deserve to be a hero. Because Shinso didn't know if he was one anymore.

━━━━━━✧ 🦢 ✧━━━━━━

[yuriko-44]

symbol of fear: main bnha dr !!

(WORKING ON NEW VERSION)

This is my main bnha dr!! I consider this to be a pretty personal desired reality because of the reasons I want to shift here.

This is probably the most intense reality I'm shifting to. In fact I've thought about it for literally 2 years before deciding to start scripting. This is the dr I'll talk about the most in my blog, so keep this in mind!!

The reason why I decided to start this blog, aside from helping me and hopefully others with motivation, was because I really wanted to talk about this dr. I needed a place where I could talk about it freely, but my notes app wasn't really doing it for me. So here I am!! And also who knows, maybe I'll find someone with a similar dr too!!

before reading: why do I want to shift to this dr? Where do I begin? Well, I absolutely hate this reality. Everything is going to shit and I really want out of here, plus I really don't like myself- but this could apply to my wr and other drs as well. So why this one in particular? In 2019, while I was making my first ever script, I immediately thought about a flawless world. Then, in 2020, I went on a 4 year shifting break. After two years, in 2022, I wasn't done with my break but I was trying to pick up shifting again. That's when I looked back at my script. Coming from an extremely flawed reality, the idea of shifting to that perfect world seemed…underwhelming. I'd feel like a coward, hiding away in a perfect world instead of fighting for a better life- I know there's nothing wrong with it, in fact my wr is some kind of perfect world, but it wouldn't be as gratifying as I'd like it to be. I absolutely hate the society I live in and I feel completely useless here. I want to go to a reality in which I serve a purpose and things actually get better. That would be a satisfying reality to go to.

So this is basically what this dr is about. A reality in which I serve a purpose, a reality in which actual justice will be served, a reality in which society at large will learn and grow from its mistakes, a reality where everyone will feel heard and have a chance at life. A reality in which the world will change into something beautiful and life will begin to feel like it's worth living, like it should.

But why bnha? Because not only I've been hyperfixating on it for an extremely long time and I'm really attached to it, but also because justice and society are really important topics in canon, so I was really drawn to it when I decided to script and go to a reality such as this.

summary of contents:

my dr self • plot and main events • important people • miscellaneous

last update: january 25th 2025

← previous [main wr] || next [???] →

my dr self

If you read everything until now, you're either thinking that I'm a pro-hero/hero student or you're doubting that because of the name I gave to this dr and the picture of Shigaraki at the start of this post. Well, here's the most 'controversial' part of my dr:

In this reality I'm not a hero. I'm a morally ambiguous villain.

And if you happen to have seen the post about my wr you might be wondering why I didn't put a picture of my dr self at the beginning of the post like I did in the other one.

I actually did. That's me. In this dr I'm Shigaraki Tomura.

A morally ambiguous villain that, at least in my dr, ends up actually doing something amazing.

→ “Moral ambiguity: a lack of certainty about whether something is right or wrong”

→ “Morally ambiguous refers to situations, characters, or actions that do not have clear ethical implications and can be interpreted in multiple ways.”

→ “Morally ambiguous characters can start off with good intentions and then be driven to evil by others or by society, or they can start off evil and come to redeem themselves. Alternatively, they can remain ambiguous and complex throughout the whole narrative, and leave the reader to make up their own mind about them.”

This is the most difficult part to explain about my dr, but I'm going to try my best to make it understandable:

I always find myself relating to Shigaraki in one way or another. If you knew me in real life, I'm sure you could kinda see the similarities.

When I first started to script this dr I tried countless times to basically make an original character to insert myself into the bnha universe. But it'd always, and I mean always, end up being really similar to Shigaraki, like some kind of bad rip-off- it was just uncanny, really. I'm one of those people who whenever they start hyperfixating on a series they attach themselves to one character...so this kinda explains it- but that aside, as I already said, I relate to Shigaraki, a lot. I'm genuinely not surprised I couldn't come up with something original in this case.

And then it just kinda…made sense- it made more sense for me to shift to a reality in which I'm him instead of trying to insert myself into the bnha universe being a cheap copy of him.

I really don't know how else to explain it, but it just feels right for me.

So yeah…Shigaraki Tomura from the Shigaraki Tomura series-

I don't have anything to say about my dr self, really. He's Shigaraki Tomura, that's it basically- according to my interpretation of the character, that is!!

plot and main events

When I first shift to this reality it'll be the 4th of April 2124, my 19th birthday. I'm still confused on when bnha is set canonically, I keep hearing it's in the present or an hypothetical future, so I picked future. In 2124 the class 1A students are going through their last year of middle school and in 2125 they'll be in the first year of UA and I'll turn 20. I decided to shift a year before canon events to kinda get used to a new reality- I know that once I get there it'll feel absolutely normal, because it is, but I'll do that anyway. Also because I don't want to shift and immediately be forced into utter chaos…and because I want to spend time with Kurogiri without worrying too much about being caught!! (since after the USJ Attack the public will know the LOV is a thing)- for context: he's not 100% like he is in canon, go to the "important people" section for more info!!

Everything will be like canon bnha, but there are some changes. For example the War Arc is almost completely different, consequently the Post-War is not even close to canon. The war will start like canon, but there will be no hero or villain deaths. After the war society will begin to change (in a good way) and me, the LOV and people like us will finally be able to actually have a chance at life. Does this mean there's zero criminal/villain activity? No, but it'll be significantly reduced and will be dealt with way better than it was before. There are other changes, but those aren't as important as the ones I already mentioned.

Another thing I feel like I have to mention is the fact that, as I said earlier, I'm an ambiguous villain who commits ambiguous actions. Although more than half of everything I do is not my fault (All For One), that doesn't mean that I won't be responsible for at least some of those actions. I'll be accountable for the acts that are exclusively my fault (so there's no proof of them deriving from All For One's influence- or maybe I just straight up admit it), but not for the ones that derive from All For One's manipulation and grooming. But neither me or anyone in the LOV will be given life in prison or a death sentence. We'll spend a lot of time in the hospital, unsurprisingly to absolutely no one- but not just any hospital, it'll be like a prison's hospital, so regular civilians aren't treated in the same building as us. After that we won't be immediately free, we'll probably be staying…somewhere under surveillance- I don't know- and then we'll be under probation and then finally we'll be completely free!! Is it realistic? Probably not for this reality, but that reality is different and society will undergo a massive change too, so it makes sense to me.

...also after all of this I'll be spending my life with the LOV and my s/o- me when I can find love as a ex-criminal in another reality and I can't pull anyone in the cr: 🤡

Once I shift to this dr I'll forget about what I've scripted and the plot (only when I'm in this dr- so when I'm in my wr or any other dr I'll remember everything)- EXCEPT: I shifted, I can't and won't die, I can't get traumatised in any way, it's going to end well, other safety things like that.

important people

I absolutely love everyone in the LOV, but I'm not going to talk about everyone or this would be an endless post. I'll talk about three people for now: the first is basically a family member, the second one is my future s/o (we'll be together after the war) and I can't wait for the third's slow and painful death.

Kurogiri !!

In my dr, Kurogiri isn't 100% like in canon, but he isn't too different either. In canon he basically lacks a mind of his own, bound to listen and obey All For One's commands and whatnot. He's a highly intelligent nomou, but that's just so he can better assist All For One and all. In my dr there's still a trace of that, but he's quite different.

In the early phases of 'testing', so not too long after he was created, a certain event took place that influenced his 'programming'. He began to progressively act less and less like some kind of machine and instead acted more like a normal person. But never in front of All For One (and heroes once canon events will begin in my dr). Not only because he wasn't completely independent and still couldn't disobey him, but also because there could've been consequences (he could've been 'reprogrammed', losing the progress he's made, or worse). All For One would've probably done something about it, but he noticed this once it was way too late.

Canonically Shigaraki has been staying with All For One since he was 5 and he's now 20, in my dr it's no different. And Shirakumo was killed when he was in his second year of UA, so he was probably around 17. If you consider Eraserhead's age, since they were in the same year, then this would make Kurogiri 30 years old, his age in my dr. If you do a little bit of math: when Kurogiri was killed at 17, I (and canon Shigaraki too) was 7, I was already with All For One. In my dr it didn't take too long to make Shirakumo into Kurogiri, it took around a year. We met when I was 8 and he was 18. So we've known each other for a really long time.

After the event that changed Kurogiri's programming, we began to properly bond. All For One couldn't just change or get rid of him, losing Kurogiri would have affected me greatly. That could've impacted his plans for me. So as long as Kurogiri 'doesn't do anything funny' he's free to stay the way he is. Little does All For One know that he'll continue to get more and more independent until, after the war, he'll be truly free to be himself.

We bonded especially when I was around 14, when All For One died to All Might (and then got revived by Garaki). Since All For One wasn't in the way, Kurogiri had a little bit more freedom and that was absolutely amazing!!

He's my older brother. The best older brother there is.

He took care of me, he taught me stuff, he gave me company, he listened to me, he made me feel better whenever I felt miserable and so much more. And he still does. He, alongside the LOV, is the main reason why I'm so determined to shift to this reality.

I've never shifted there before but I miss him greatly.

Spinner !!

I don't have a lot to say about Spinner actually. He'll be my best friend (I say 'will' because when I'll first shift there we won't know each other)…and my s/o after the war!! When I first started scripting this dr I wasn't thinking about having a s/o, it didn't really seem to fit. But as time passed I started feeling more attached to the people in my dr and whenever I found myself thinking about him…I don't know, scripting him as my s/o just felt right- everything in this script is based on a 'it feels right for me' feeling!!

So yeah: acquaintances to friends to lovers I guess LMAO!!

Also, a little fun fact: in the cr I have a necklace with a little gecko!! The base is silver and it's divided into 4 sections. In each one of those sections there's a (fake) flat gem. Also I got extremely lucky because on one side it's more green, on the opposite side it's more light blue and in the middle the two colours kinda mix together in a cool gradient. Me when green = Spinner and light blue = my dr self-

All For One. . .

Alright, what can I say about this man?- the term 'man' doesn't even suit him, this is a fucking monster- thank god I can script whatever I want and I scripted lots of things for safety!! Most of those safety things are related to this guy- they apply to everything, but mainly him and his actions.

I still have to register the fact that for a long time (until the war starts) I'll consider this man my ally- like- the one that saved me and shit- god damn-

Anyway-

PRAYING FOR HIS DOWNFALL🙏🏻‼️

Can't wait to kick his ass!!😘🥰😍

(I don't know what else to say actually-)

miscellaneous

...

[senseandaccountability]

What's your verdict of Dragon Age the Veilguard now two months down the road? How do you think fandom has reacted to it, compared to the other new titles that you can remember (I know you're a long-time fan)?

(Two months + a fair amount of weeks at this point, sorry for the delay, anon.) This is going to be salty, I’m afraid and a bit like beating on a dead horse but you did ask, thank you for that and sorry about being whiny.

My first impression was that it’s a 6/10 game. I think now upon replaying it two times, the score is even lower. It’s a very mid game that’s also clearly a salvaged product from a long and erratic production cycle. It has some good lore, some good writing, but it’s hidden almost entirely in optional side quests, subtext and the tiny margins of the text. 

Overall its way too much of a high stakes/low tension kind of game for me. It’s fun and it never truly grabs me except for the bits that are about previous characters. I don’t care about Rook. I like them well enough for a protag, I can fill them with headcanon to make them real but I would easily sacrifice them at the end without a second thought. There’s no pull, no tension, nothing to hold on to. I've tried to write fic about Rook but I just don't know anything about this person apart from the fact that they're very young and likes to say the word team a lot. Maybe Rook works in HR.

For all its high stakes, the game also repeatedly fails to show me these stakes. It keeps telling me how important it is, how busy we are and during the Siege of Weisshaupt and Blood of Arlathan, I really do feel it, momentarily. Those quests have weight to them, and they are tied in with the overall narrative of the series. We know the wardens, we know the Dalish. They matter. 

“Sometimes it takes the wrong sort to put it right,” the game says and doesn’t even dare to show me a single shred of moral ambiguity in Rook. Call me annoying but I don’t necessarily want to feel like a hero. I don’t need to feel morally righteous about my player character. I want the narrative to be complex and challenge me and hold compassion for the world it’s telling me about, dare me to change my mind about its characters and their various plights. What if the hero is wrong? What if the world is too complex to be reduced to simple choices? What if the trusted mentor lies and the liar tells the truth? What then? Somewhere in the far distance DAV wants to offer some complexity but hey we have EVIL ANCIENT GODS TO FIGHT YO! I actually hate the tone. I said early on that it’s one of my main gripes and I stand by it.  It’s chipper and full of HR-department tidiness and in general it just doesn’t move me because it’s just telling, not showing me the emotions. THIS IS THE EMOTION CALLED DOUBT, the game screams in my face. LET'S HAVE A TALK WITH THE TEAM TO PUT IT RIGHT. Immediately after finishing DAV, I went and played Disco Elysium and the contrast was quite honestly heartbreaking. Because the tone in that funny, sarcastic and over the top writing? It’s compassionate. It wants to be truthful about what it’s like to be a human living in a broken, inhuman world. It cares. Veilguard more often feels like an action movie revenge plot where you get to punch some EVIL ANCIENT GODS in the face because they want to drown the world in demons, man, let’s just leave it at that lol omg you can even PUNCH Solas lol whatever thanks bye.  

I also just find the text flat. It doesn’t have the transtextuality I’ve come to appreciate in the other DA games, it doesn’t play much with differences in dialogue for the different characters - like making one stand out as being anachronistic or having a different way of expressing themselves or being very unlike the others in some fundamental ways, it doesn't challenge and/or characterize through banter in the way the other DA games have done and it doesn’t give us companions that seek meaningful conflict or are difficult to understand. Veilguard is the only DA game where I haven’t felt any kind of strong emotional reaction while interacting with the companions, and while you could argue that this is a good thing because teamwork and professionalism or whatever, I’d say that for a text, this is a factor that makes it flat. No great piece of writing has only likable characters capable of self-reflection because no actual human being is only likable or not likable to everyone and by god are actual humans not always capable of self-reflection. In fact, some humans shy away from it for entire lifetimes.

The story of DAV is consistent in its themes, yes. It’s just that it’s also without nuance and - again - without stakes. The companion quests raise big moral dilemmas but the answers are so bland they might as well just be ignored. The outcome changes nothing, doesn’t affect the characters. There’s no price to be paid for becoming first talon, no punishment for being a lich, it’s just another wardrobe choice. Should I wear blue or black, perhaps become an immortal creature? No matter darling, you are always adorable. I think most of all the state of the game is a testament of a really fucking tragic industry that doesn’t care enough about storytelling and authenticity or its workers. I think it’s clear that the writers were trying very hard but I also think it’s clear that it wasn't the narrative the powers that be decided to focus on.  The DA fandom at large, quite frankly, has always just made me exhausted and miserable. I think a lot of the criticisms of DAV have been unhinged. I think a lot of the defences of the game have been so deranged that it makes me wheeze as I read them out loud to my husband. I’ve seen plenty of people dragging up some 17 year old noob’s post from the depths of reddit just to do some edgy take about how stupid people are for disliking the game and it’s just been so many bad faith takes. Overall, I’m truly sorry to say, I have no desire to play this game anymore nor do I feel very tempted to play the other DA games. I’m happy to see that my mutuals are having fun - I wish I felt anything stronger than oh well about the new characters, but I don’t. Maybe I will not be this actively bored in the future and pick it up again, but for now, no. I'll try to finish my fanfic and then probably be done for good with this fandom.

[eggdrawsthings]

For me, Sol, didnt do anything that bad as all think. Like, he killed one person and what now lol. Like Anakin killed a dozens of children and nobody takes shit lmao. Sol thinks that he was doing the right thing. And I kinda didnt liked the twins so…

He made a series of mistakes and he clearly was carrying that guilt and shame w him all that time. we can see this from his reaction all the way til the finale (he never draws his saber until the situation calls for it, still sees good Mae, was the first one saying he will face the council, and still wants to tell Osha the truth and face the consequences). His mistakes make him a complex character and w LJJ amazing performance he became an unforgettable character to me. Idc if ppl hate him I can just ignore them or block them if they are being annoying in my posts.

** long rant about what actually pissed me off under the cut ⚠️

I'm jsut tired of this show as a whole so im just taking Sol and Jecki out, read my one fav fanfic of them, and create their own version in my head that has nothing to do w the show anymore.

However, if you want to see a good depiction of a well-intentioned yet emotionally flawed and morally ambiguous father figure who then died at the hand of his adopted daughter, I suggest you watch "Hunt". It's a movie directed by LJJ back in 2022. It has its own issues but the ending of that movie got me more emotional than this shit show lol.

** What actually pissed me off about this show is the way the finale threw Sol's whole arc up until this point into the trash. Suddenly he started yapping about the vergence, which was not established until ep7 (and in ep7 his main concern was the twins' safety, not that bs). Suddenly he wanted to shoot down Mae now even tho he didn't wanna fight her and was trying to save her on Khofar. Suddenly he didn't want to face the council now and tried to justify his action (while he clearly was so sorry about it and wanted to face the council before). All of this happened without a proper build-up (The father's spiraling was done much better in Hunt lmao). Osha's fall can be done much better and still have everyone stay in character yet still lead to the same outcome, and have a much stronger impact.

And the way Leslye talked about him in her interview like he's an overbearing father and him saying "it's okay" in the end is taking away Osha's agency (???). If i talk more this post is gonna get too long so I'm just gonna link a few links here so you can read them. They explain everything that made me dislike the show even more and don't wanna think about it anymore now lol

x <- about how they ruined the first Asian Jedi Master we got, which pissed me off as a SEA person and a Jedi enjoyer.

x x<- about the writing for Sol

x <- about one of LH interviews where the interviewer said Sol is a bad parent and sexist, and she just went along w that take (how???)

x <-Jedi can love deeply, be it familial or romantic. they just don't let those emotions control them

x x <- more about the shitty writing of this show

[xenodile]

So. The Wordless side story in Nikke. Just... Holy SHIT.

Setting aside all of the stuff that's happened with Mihara and Yuni... Am I crazy for thinking that the reason they even dropped the whole "oh by the way Syuen has a half-sister she's never mentioned before :)" thing in the side story is because the writers are lowkey trying to give Syuen better press by implying that Jien is retroactively responsible for spearheading some of Missilis' more morally reprehensible experiments?

Because that's more or less what it feels like. Namedropping a new character that the writers can point at and say "See? SHE'S the evil loli, not Syuen" or provide a personal antagonist for Syuen in the event the writers decide to make Syuen a Nikke after all.

So, this might be controversial, but Syuen has been one of my favorite characters in Nikke since I started and Wordless felt like a huge validation of everything I had thought about her.

There's a very clear theme of gender dynamics and inequality with all Nikkes being women and the vast majority of Commanders and authority figures within the Central Government being men, so Syuen and Ingrid being non-Nikke women and CEOs of the big three puts them in a very unique position.

From the get go we've known that Syuen has an inferiority complex, there is pressure on her to prove that she deserves to lead Missilis and the creation of Matis, one of the most technologically advanced and powerful Nikke squads in existence, still isn't enough to give her that credibility. What's more we've seen that Syuen is easily cowed by threats of physical violence, and has far greater care for her Nikkes than she lets on. The Laplace favorite item substory, the Matis Corruption story arc, Syuen adores her Nikkes and would risk everything to protect them, but she has that bristly, bigoted facade where she calls them slurs and acts like Nikkes are subhuman.

This might just seem like she's an awful entitled brat, but we have to remember the world she's in. Referring to Nikkes as humans beings is a crime. Advocating for Nikkes' civil rights can get you labelled a terrorist and disappeared. From chapter 16 onward is the Commander's motivation is trying to get enough clout within the Ark in order to overturn this oppressive status quo and every single step is a struggle, with reminders that those in power will turn on you in a second if they think you're a threat to their control of humanity.

So bearing all this in mind, we get Wordless. We get the reveal of Syuen's half-sister Jien, and how Syuen's family have painstakingly erased themselves from public knowledge. We hear from Mana that Jien used the phantom pain Yuni caused to coerce Syuen into handing Yuni over, and leaving it ambiguous if Syuen knows the full extent of what's been done to Yuni.

Suddenly, that pressure, that threat that's motivating Syuen to keep Missilis stocks high and prove herself as a capable CEO has a name. Who else could bully Syuen into compliance with utter impunity other than her own family?

Then we get the picture that she took with Wardress, the second Nikke squad that she personally designed. We know from Mihara's bond story that Syuen sought her out when she was alive, a paraplegic on life support, and asked if she wanted to be a Nikke, with full disclosure of the risks, much in the same way that Laplace was disabled with a degenerative disease that was rejected from being a Nikke volunteer until Syuen stepped in to help her get what she wanted.

So with at least two of her Nikkes, Syuen reached out to other women that were disabled and offered them a chance to not only have agency but be celebrated. Matis are beloved superheroes, and we learn in Wordless that Wardress were supposed to be a turning point in the war by capturing Chatterbox.

So then we look back at chapter 2 and 3, where we first met Syuen and Wardress. Mihara shares that they've been hunting Chatterbox for a long time, all unsuccessfully, as Syuen keeps going through rookie commanders to act as Wardress's escort. But she's keeping at it, because she is committed to Wardress making their public debut as heroes. No matter how many failures it takes, she's going to keep things under wraps until her girls can get a win and establish themselves.

Then the whole debacle with Chatterbox happens and Commander calls for help. Now Syuen is forced to reveal the existence of Wardress as not only failing to achieve their mission, but also as criminals that went out illegally and failed to protect their Commander. Suddenly Wardress has gone from the apple of her eye, the jewel in her crown that will prove to everyone, the Ark, the Central Government, the other CEOs, and her family, that she deserves her position, that she's competent and savvy, into proof of her ineptitude and a laughingstock.

And she can't even defend them. She can't defy Enikk's judgement, nor can she speak out for Mihara's rights, because she is too public a figure to be seen as Nikke sympathizer, some kind of machine lover. All she can do is hide them from public eye, keep them close as her personal bodyguards, but that just leaves them exposed to her temper and anxiety.

Syuen is an awful, vindictive bitch, but she is a clear product of the kind of cruel, dehumanizing culture that exists within the Ark, and her mistreatment of Wardress appears to me as a result of her frustration at her inability to escape that culture rather than genuine hatred. And that is what makes her interactions with Commander so compelling. She is ostensibly a rich and powerful woman with nearly unlimited resources at her disposal, yet the cultural and familial pressures leave her effectively powerless to act in a meaningful way. Meanwhile the Commander is a faceless nobody whose defining characteristic is that they're an amnesiac pervert that's into robots, but that lack of public knowledge and cultural influence gives them the leeway to actually act on their beliefs and feelings in defiance of others.

Syuen hates the Commander because it's ostensibly their fault Wardress was exposed and humiliated, but she envies their freedom and agency to live genuinely. She wants them on her side, she wants them to rescue her from the status quo she's trapped in, but is repeatedly rejected because the Commander sees her as part of the problem rather than another victim because she's not a Nikke. It's not until Enikk threatens to have Syuen turned into a Nikke that she finally cracks, and the Commander begins to empathize with her, even as Enikk admits the threat is hollow.

Anyway, point being that Wordless was the lynchpin that made everything about Syuen and her dynamic with the Commander snap into place, and I'm so excited for the possibility of an eventual Syuen face turn.

[canvas-the-florist]

The Imitation Game

Ship(s): Analogical

Warnings: Major Character Death and Undeath, body horror, blood and injury, unreliable narrator, misunderstandings, and morally ambiguous Emile Picani

Summary: This is a Big Bang fic hosted by @tss-storytime. After the consequences of someone else’s actions, Logan finds himself moving into a new apartment to lie low. Despite knowing nothing about what happened, or what’s supposed to happen next, Logan complies. That is, until he begins to make new friends and new discoveries about who he is. And who he was supposed to be. Meanwhile Virgil is convinced that Patton's new neighbor is absolutely a murderer. And will do anything to prove it. If you like this fic, I'm going to be posting the rest of the story on ao3. Here's the link.

Art was done by @tastic-in-its-finest and you can find it here!

Word Count: (for this chapter) 3k

Chapter One - Lungs

The first feeling, or experience rather, Logan has is unbridled anguish. He doesn’t remember much of it. His body gives him a sharp spike of electricity when he moves his neck, clearly as a result of what occurred. The shaking of their palms when they were made to look someone in the eyes. A fear he couldn’t place the origin of. Logan’s body felt wrong to exist in. It felt wrong to be there at all. His body feels as if it was dismantled and reattached slightly differently. Functional, but not the same. Logan had begun adjusting to the changes far quicker than his muscle memory could. It hurt to stand too long, a pain coming from his spine would trail its way to his legs, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Logan was reminded of this fact when one of their knees locked, and he forced himself to fall to the side so he could catch himself. His entire weight supported by one leg and his hands on the edges of the kitchen counter. Logan slowly led himself to sit on his couch, easing himself into a lying position. He took a slow, deep breath.

Breathing is a difficult sensation to get used to. It’s supposed to be constant, quiet, and easy. And yet it’s so integral to survival. Especially for a being with lungs. You have to breathe in oxygen, and out carbon dioxide. A consistent transfer of elements with your body holding the key to change. If you hold your breath, the carbon dioxide holds a heavy space in your lungs, poisoning the rest of your organs. If you breathe too quickly, risk tiring yourself out, and accomplishing nothing by speeding up the endless repetition. Both can lead to fainting or passing out. What a fickle way to live, to survive. 

So imagine Logan’s surprise that everyone around him could do this without thinking. This was normal. And he was not. Now was their chance to be just like the others, with working lungs, a working body, and a working heart. It wasn’t pleasant to feel constant changes within himself in a manner he couldn’t control. Nothing could truly be perfectly measured or predicted or controlled. Logan pressed his left thumb pad against his right index finger, cradling the right hand softly, and felt the small ridges of fingerprints conflict with their paths next to each other. This was one of the new sensations they didn’t mind. He did this while reminding himself to breathe, concerned that his judgment would lapse and he would simply die too early on in his existence. Logan thought about feeling, and if he had enough time to get used to the stimulus he didn’t used to have access to. A sudden flash of pain went past his neck, causing him to suddenly tilt his head to the left. He exhaled loudly, with a shudder, to keep his composure. Logan didn’t know a lot about social conventions but screaming every time he felt an ounce of discomfort definitely did not fit that criteria. However, he was new to the apartment complex, so perhaps that was actually acceptable and he would have to discover that later. 

Logan wanted to get this all under control within the next ten minutes, though he wasn’t accurately able to tell how long he had been laying down when the static that seemed to follow him blocked his vision. Breathing was still difficult. Still present. A reminder that they were failing their objective already. That this wasn’t going to plan. He was going to die on day one. Despite the severity of everything Logan felt (he FELT things now), he wasn’t allowed to give up. That was explicitly against the rules. 

With the overpowered conviction of doing what he was told, Logan laid on the couch silently. A pain in his lungs, a throbbing in his head. Well, technically the pain was coming from his nerves sending signals to his… brain. Logan frowned, almost pulled from the sensation of his lungs being crushed by a hydraulic press by the reminder. His brain. Logan still didn’t fully understand how he worked, even if he knew the components that made him up. They desperately wanted to. Just to know. Logan enjoyed learning. He didn’t know a lot about himself, but he knew that. Logan wanted to learn.

He pressed the palms of his hands against his closed eyes, somehow that specific type of pressure alleviated the pain. There was a knock on his door after a few minutes. It was his first day living in this apartment. Logan was told to expect greetings from neighbors, in some regard. But this felt overwhelming still. 

Logan ignored them.

The next day was filled with duller pain, but still ever present. His neck creaked loudly as he tilted his head from side to side. Logan had to leave the apartment today. This was something he always knew he had to do, but didn’t know if he wanted to. Well, he did know. He absolutely wanted to stay hidden away from the world for the rest of time. But… Logan turned on his phone, to reread the message he had gotten. Emile wanted to see him, and they were going to meet up at a café. His text was… long and hard to parse through. Even though Logan had trouble discerning tone a majority of the time, they got the sense that Emile was more excited about this than Logan would be able to be. After looking at themself in the mirror for entirely too long, washing the dried blood from his neck, and getting dressed, he left the apartment. Logan struggled locking the door, having to try about six times, and just hoped that no one would notice long enough for him to appear normal. 

He was on the second floor, defined by a walled off balcony wrapping around the exterior of the building to connect each apartment to a shared space. Logan was about to reach the stairs down when a man walked into him. Or perhaps it was his fault, it was hard to tell really. Logan stepped back, almost affronted by the contact. The person was tall, with thin and long box braids wrapped in a bun. He had rectangle glasses with rounded edges and a smile on his face. It made Logan instantly uncomfortable looking anywhere near his eyes, so they looked away.

“Howdy!” … What? The man continued. “Sorry for bumping into you, that’s my bad. You’re the one who just moved in right? What’s your name?”

This was possibly worse than everything Logan had ever experienced. He wasn’t entirely sure how high (metaphorically) that bar was, but it was probably significant. Logan didn’t respond for a few awkwardly silent seconds. They coughed, preparing his throat to speak. “I’m… I did just move in, yes. My name is Logan. Logan Clay.” Was he doing this right? How were you supposed to tell? The man was still looking at him like he expected something. Logan went through all they remembered from practicing. Oh! Right… “What’s your name?”

“The name’s Patton Nasir, neighbor!” He reached out his hand, looking… concerned(?) when Logan instinctively flinched away. Patton quickly retracted his hand before Logan even said anything about it, placing it gracefully on his hip. “Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Logan! I live just next door. 214. So if you need help with anything, I’m always there for you.”

Was this genuine? Was there a way to tell? Logan just nodded. “Thank you, Patton. I’ll be sure to contact you if such a situation arises. I have to go now.”

Patton laughed. Logan just stared slightly to the left of his face, almost simulating true eye contact with his neighbor. “Of course, I didn’t mean to keep you, buddy. I hope you have a good day!”

He waved and walked past Logan, who just stood there as the conversation left the air, reminding themself to breathe. His neck still hurt, as if his splenius capitis would burn whenever he moved his head. Logan shook his head, despite knowing the action only exacerbated the pain. Logan finally got to continue walking to meet Emile, walking down the concrete stairs with a sense of urgency. He made sure to look at the directions on his phone so he wouldn’t get lost. Perhaps he looked at them a little too frequently. It took just about ten minutes and forty three seconds to reach the café. A local establishment with a patio that contained three tables. Two of those three had striped umbrellas over them. 

Emile was sitting at the table holding a disposable cup with a lid, presumably filled with coffee. It was as much of a relief as a great anxiety to finally see him. Logan walked up to the table with a sense of urgency that wasn’t shared with their companion. Emile smiled easily, his scrunched nose lightly displacing his glasses. 

“Hello, Logan! Do you how do?” He greeted.

If this were any other individual, Logan would be concerned at the nonsensical manner he held himself with. But this was Dr. Emile Picani, the only person he truly knew. The only person who knew… Logan. Himself. Logan nodded. “I’m doing adequate, Emile. Should I… order something too?”

“Not if you don’t want to.” Emile responded simply. “Did you have breakfast yet?”

Logan froze. He did a mental check of his body. His neck screaming (metaphorically), his hands still shaking, his stomach… People were supposed to eat regularly. He knew that. Logan was told that, and they knew that they had to do that too. Fuck. “I have not had breakfast yet.”

Somehow, Emile could read his tone, even when Logan himself could not. He frowned. “Logan… have you eaten anything since you left the hospital yesterday?”

“I drank water.” He supplied, as if that was a perfect substitute.

Emile stood up, the metal chair screeched loudly, and suddenly Logan had to resist the urge to drag his nails through the skin of his ears. “Let’s get you some coffee.”

Who was Logan to disobey? Emile ordered for him, and assured him of what he had gotten. Black coffee and a simple sandwich. They sat back down together. Logan drank the bitter drink, but mostly because it was expected of them. Despite the casual setting, the public atmosphere, this was a meeting. Logan knew that. Emile was acting like this because Logan didn’t know how to act yet. He appreciated it immensely. Logan started eating the sandwich, with dry bread and bland ingredients. 

“I’m glad you liked it. You… You used to order this same thing every morning.” Emile looked down, with a smile, but Logan didn’t think he was actually happy. “Anyways! Have you made any new friends yet or unpacked yet?”

Logan swallowed his food, setting his sandwich back down. He felt all the different components of his neck conflict with one another, reminding him of the constant searing pain that had incapacitated him the day before. A pain that wasn’t supposed to be there. “No, I haven’t. I thought… I was supposed to keep a low profile?”

It came out like a question, because he felt as though Emile’s questions contradicted the prior instructions he had given. Keep a low profile. Keep the secrets. Stay hidden. Were they intended to balance those objectives with a social life? Interior design? Logan reminded himself to breathe at a consistent pace. That was a lot of rules to uphold all at once, but he could do it. Emile expected them to, and they wouldn’t want to let him down. Not after all he had done for them. Emile just looked confused, similar to how Logan… felt. Hm.

“Logan, I don’t want to keep you from making new connections!” Emile exclaimed, his voice filled with a worry Logan didn’t understand. “Besides, an empty apartment and a lone hermit is… a little more suspicious than, say, hiding in plain sight like Constantine from Muppets Most Wanted.”

He gave back a blank stare. 

“Yeah… I don’t think you’ve ever seen that movie, even before everything.” Emile admitted. “I just mean: it’s going to be better for everyone if you settle down a little bit more, and nurture new friendships with your neighbors. You need to establish friendships and trust or… Or none of this is going to work. Or at least try! If nothing works out, you’ll still be meeting with me here every week! We can figure stuff out.”

It was reassuring, knowing that he wasn’t alone. Logan didn’t really know much about what to do or what he should be like. But Emile did. He really needed the guidance. “Thank you, Emile. I appreciate that. I will… ‘settle down’, when I am able.”

His friend smiled at him, with a type of pride Logan didn’t feel. He was mostly scared of what was going to happen to him. Emile smiled at him like everything was already going perfectly. It wasn’t exactly lying, but it was optimistic. Even though it was confirmation that the two were in this together, Logan still felt uncomfortable.

Emile left first, having the obligations of a job. He was working part time at a lab while he worked on his psychology degree. Logan… had a job. It was more freelance. They didn’t start until the next day. Logan collected the leftover dishes and trash, walking back inside to put them where they belonged. The plates went on a stack of other dishes also used that day, while the trash went into the nearest trash receptacle. He looked around, as if someone was there to tell him he did a good job. The only person there was a barista with sunglasses on scrolling on vaer phone with minimal interest. Vaey looked up at Logan, raising an eyebrow. Logan felt uncomfortable instantly and decided to leave. 

They spent the rest of the day organizing their new living space. The boxes didn’t contain a whole lot. Emile told him that he would have to go shopping on his own to accommodate anything that was missing. Logan suspected that Emile got him a job for that exact reason. So they could be more self-sufficient. Ironic, that Logan wouldn’t be able to do any of this without him. Logan thought this over while figuring out where to put their skillets and pans. He eventually took a break to eat, something he was determined not to forget again. Logan hadn’t cooked much before so settled for an oatmeal mix that Emile had packed him. They were not a big fan of the flavor. They ate it anyway. Logan had finished washing the two dishes he had used when someone had knocked on the door. His headache, well all of his aches really, were still bothering him profusely. But he was supposed to make connections right? 

Patton was holding a ziploc bag when Logan opened the door. The man was smiling, as if it was his default expression. He held it out to them. “I meant to give these to you yesterday, but… I’m giving them to you now! They’re chocolate chip cookies so I can take them back if you’re gluten free or allergic to chocolate or-”

He was just as nervous as Logan was. It didn’t seem to click until that moment. Logan took the back from his hands and looked up at Patton. “Thank you, for welcoming me to the neighborhood. You seem like a kind person, Patton.”

They didn’t really intend to cut off whatever Patton was talking about, but he didn’t particularly seem to mind. “Of course, thank you for the compliment! We’re going to start a whole chain of ‘thank you’s if we keep this up. I can’t wait to get to know you.”

Patton left after that, but what he had said ringed in Logan’s ears. 

I can’t wait to get to know you.

He repeated this as he got dressed for bed. He repeated it as he brushed his teeth. As he stared into the mirror for too long. As they put their glasses on the box they were using as a nightstand. Logan couldn’t wait to know himself too. They reminded themself to breathe, and continued to do so until it became even again. I can’t wait to get to know you. What a polite, kind thing to say to a stranger. 

Logan took a long deep breath in as he dug his fingers into the back of his neck. He gagged, feeling himself breathe heavier and faster. The skin between his spine and skull shifted to make room for the change. They searched around the blood and nerves, until latching to a specific cord. It resisted his grasp as Logan repressed the urge to flail. Clawing, clawing, clawing. He pulled the cord out slowly, feeling it rake against his organic matter. It collected blood as the end finally surfaced. Logan took a heavy breath, letting himself collapse forwards. A second was needed to catch his breath, to calm themself down. He wiped the blood off the cap protecting the end, before taking it off. Logan then plugged the cord into the glowing box underneath his bed. They felt the jolt of electricity enter their body as the cord began glowing a soft orange that mirrored the box.

Laying on their side, facing away from the box, was the only comfortable way to sleep. Not that they imagined they would do much of that. Despite trying, Logan didn’t feel fully human. Because he wasn’t, not really. Not like Emile, not like Patton. But he did wonder. Would this ever stop hurting? Would he ever stop hurting? Being a human was constantly being in pain. At least, that’s what it seemed like. Logan attempted to halt their thinking as they ignored the heat emanating from their neck, and the frantic breaths drawn for their lungs.

AO3 Link Here!

Taglist: @amateurmasksmith @phoenixtfc @snowynb @hydrastefishere @part-time-zombie @blueberryraccon

[hms-lurking-latinist]

……Done pretending not to be miffed that my last cold boy was a repeat; have another one so I feel like I contributed

The SUNGLASSES. Oh my word. This is incredible. I have no clue who this man is, but I’m obsessed with him already. I assume the last picture is from later when he is scurvy-ridden and such? This is another one I’m taking home from the kitten rescue.

(Last time I said I was taking a character home from the kitten rescue I saw a kitten the next day in real life up for adoption with his actual name. Unfortunately I am not currently able to adopt a cat irl. I have to stick to characters)

Now I’ve said that, I hope he isn’t thoroughly evil. But I suspect he might be Deeply Complex. Morally ambiguous but in a sympathetic sort of way, maybe? Or maybe never quite focused on enough to be sure. There’s at least one person in the fandom who understands him better than the writers ever did. Maybe it’s you!

Quality beard - good compromise between the chinstrap and the muttonchops.

I’m guessing he’s among the last to die - he has to have time to accumulate all that wear and tear, right?

He might have specialized experience. Especially if those are his own sunglasses he brought from home. (Phrased like that it sounds like a kid at a day camp. Free AU idea for you all.)

[jbk405]

A few days ago I started re-reading the Wraith Squadron trilogy in the Star Wars X-Wing series. I last re-read them about five years ago (I know because I actually found some posts I made back in 2019), and I decided to revisit them because I was in the mood for a simple, White & Black Morality, Good vs. Evil story.

Warlord Zsinj is an evil despot who is trying to conquer the galaxy because of his own desire for power. That's it. There's no attempt to give him a sympathetic background or moral motivation. No backstory about growing up under a Brutal Dictator who oppressed his people and so Zsinj decided to become a Good Dictator and wound up being corrupted by the position. No looming outside threat which forces him to Take Charge For the Greater Good. Just personal ambition, like so many real-life warlords in any era.

He's still a fascinating, compelling character. He's smart enough to not fall to cliche "I will kill my own people at the slightest inconvenience and then act surprised when they turn against me" self-sabotage. He's pays his people well, and actually pays them when it's time. He even lets them actually retire once they've aged out of being useful. So he's a competent, scary threat that takes close to a half-dozen books to be defeated. But he's still A Villain, who the books NEVER try to position as "Maybe he's right after all...."

And I gotta say, it's refreshing to have simplicity like this in fiction every once in a while. I love a morally gray, emotionally complicated story as much as the next person, but eventually if that's all you read then it's easy to forget that sometimes things really are Black & White. And people sometimes get so fixated on "Maturity" or "Complexity" that they try and introduce moral ambiguity where there is none.

So, here it's nice and simple. He's a former officer in the Galactic Empire who struck out on his own after the death of the Emperor, and that's all he has to be.

The series does introduce moral ambiguity elsewhere in the story. Particularly with Gara Petothel/Lara Nostil, a former Imperial Intelligence operative who enlisted in the New Republic military with plans to betray them to Zsinj before realizing that she would rather stay there than return to the Empire. She does have the tragic backstory, and she is wracked by guilt over what he's done. But it's clear: What she did was Wrong, and now she's Making Up For It. The story still has Right and Wrong and she changed sides, there's never a question that she may have been Right before, or that the sides are so similar that it's no different.

This clarity can be a boon all on its own.

[nerdy-flower]

Hi Nay Fan Week Day 1-Mari

Mari Datuin, protagonist and primary narrator of award-winning horror podcast Hi Nay is best girl (despite possibly having done some murder, we'll get to that).

As the series goes on, the cast expands greatly and we get to hear from the rest of the Scooby Gang, the villains, and several delightful side characters (I can't pick a favourite but if I did it would be Danny <3), but Mari remains our home base, the anchor of the story. She's the one whose head we spend the most time in, metaphorically (well- no spoilers). I think it's easy to make protagonists into everyman types because you want the audience to relate to them, but Mari does this while remaining a distinct, interesting character with a rich inner and outer life. I think she does this by being a cozy mystery protagonist (look, if comfort horror is a thing, Hi Nay meets the criteria. As does Night in the Woods and yes there's a connection there, but that's a ramble for another day).

I have a half-baked thesis (halfesis, if you will) about why cozy mysteries such as Father Brown, Murder She Wrote, etc. are so beloved. I think it's because the stars of the shows aren't simply Cops Doing Cop Things and maybe Feeling Morally Ambiguous About Stuff (Yes, Donner and Murphy are technically Cops Doing Cop Things but there's some more complex layers, and their cases aren't exactly standard police procedural fare). Cozy mystery protags are average people who succeed where their police foils fail because they're well-integrated into their communities, kind, and often seeking more meaningful truth and justice. Mari checks all these boxes, she succeeds in dealing with the supernatural threats they encounter not purely because of her strength, cleverness, and supernatural abilities (she has all of these in abundance!), but because of her compassion.

We learn that from a young age, Mari's willingness to listen to spirits- no matter how frightening they appear -and help them if she can is core to who she is. She gives all that she has, and then some. For the murder-happy and/or hateful spirits who threaten living people, she fights back just as hard, and does just as much damage to herself in the process.

And that's where Hi Nay remains squarely in comfort horror rather than cozy mystery (well, that and The Horrors). Mari is haunted, not quite literally, by the consequences of a choice she made amidst truly horrific circumstances. She left home, but it didn't leave her. In this, she still remains keenly relatable. I think we all try to find tools with no blood on them, so to speak, to solve the problems we face and rarely succeed. And I think many of us at times doubt our right to continue in the shadow of death, in the shadow of harms we have done*. The people who show the most compassion outwardly often reserve the least for themselves.

As the series gets more complex and action-packed, we still come back to characters who honour gentleness in their own ways and desire peace and safety for their city, Mari most of all. I'm very grateful to see more stories taking this approach, especially in horror, but it continues to be something we need more of. So hurray for Hi Nay Act 3 and the fundraiser stretch goal being smashed!

*I said in the Hi Nay discord that two of my favourite pieces of media in 2024- Hi Nay and Godzilla Minus One-have the same message, and yes, this is me encouraging you to go and enjoy both and report back because I need more people to talk with about both

[kadextra]

so on a whim I started reading omniscient reader’s viewpoint manhwa

..and got hooked on the story so hard that I easily blasted through all available eps in less than a week. istg they put dr*gs in this thing it’s so good???? 😭

[SPOILER WARNING! big ramble ahead. if you’ve never read it, leave this post. consider checking it out you won’t be able to put it down]

lets get this out of the way first.

RAHHHHHH KIM DOKJA….. KIM DOKJA I LOVE YOU

GUYSSSSS 🥺 LISTEN. HE’S SUCH A GOOD PROTAGONIST. MY TRAUMA BOY. MY DUDE WITH THE POWER TO INFODUMP PEOPLE TO DEATH. YOU SELF-SACRIFICING IDIOT. his cunning intelligence makes him super attractive what can I say, I LOVE smart mcs with ambiguous morality and self sacrificial nature

here’s a big ✨shut your mouth✨ to every character who’s said he’s ugly- get your eyes checked, get a job get away from him (I know it’s because of the fourth wall’s filter it’s not their fault I’m just being silly)

the fourth wall is such a cool power to have. the complexity of how it acts based on his perception of fiction vs reality as the reader …. that’s very interesting and well thought out!!! how it lowkey has a consciousness too and it’s so tied into his mental state makes me want to psychoanalyze this guy even more. probably one of the most unique powers I’ve seen created and explored in a story tbh

I think the entire system of how the world works is really well done in general. constellations watching the apocalyptic bloodbath via livestream and sending donos to their favorite little guys shouldn’t work as well as it does and cracks me up so much 😭 (uriel is the best). I enjoy learning about all the irl different fables, history & mythologies too. plus doing my own research is fun! I did a deep dive through the web to learn about dokkaebi folklore lol I’m having a good time

I also related hard to how dokja read TWSA throughout his life, the story was a companion for him. got choked up bc I reflected on how much my own favorite companion stories for years mean to me. there’s been situations I’ve thought “what would (character) do?” dokja saying stuff like “what would joonghyuk do?” felt like I got called out <3 I’d probably be the same as him if my favorite characters suddenly came to life

anyways yeah I caught up with the manhwa looked online and discovered it comes from an already completed novel with over 500 chapters and the manhwa is barely a third into adapting it though it’s been releasing every week for 4 years. and that it’ll take like 10 more years to finish. I then planted my face in my hands and screamed with despair

I’ll shrivel up waiting to see what happens……………heyyy woahhhh.. whats this light of salvation ? the novel file just completed download on my phone ? that’s crazyy wow I opened it ? im scrolling it right now ? omg I’m telling myself in the mirror “pace yourself, try to space your reading out do NOT read too fast” ?

jokes aside im excited, first I’ll take some time to read back through the earlier chapters for extra context of scenes! >:D after I finish doing that…. pls pray for my self-control to try stretching this for as long as possible. I’m pumped to see what happens next with this demon king part so maybe I’ll read along with the manhwa unless I get too impatient heh

to conclude- I had no idea the fandom of orv was so passionate. while closing my eyes to spoilers, I was looking at beautiful fanart and animatics (watched this one and ascended that’s one of my fav rin songs). I can tell how much you guys love the story, there’s always going to be people like me who get interested so keep it up :D if the fandom does end up reading this, ummm *knocks on the door* hi im new

I will likely talk about it more in the future!! tagging under “#kade reads orv” ! might draw fanart on my art blog too bc brainworms <3 happy reading everyone

[ketsumyo]

😈Worst thing you’ve ever done to your muse?  😩 Hardest thing about writing the muse? & ⌨ What’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse? 

mun talks about muse | closed

1.0   worst thing you’ve ever done to your muse ?

give her a morally ambiguous shikai AND a conscience *insert evil cackle*

2.0   hardest thing about writing the muse ? ( tagging @aftapati because they asked this question too <3)

the hardest thing about writing tsubaki is also my favourite thing about writing tsubaki.

tsubaki remains one of my most challenging muses because she forces me to think in a way that doesn’t come wholly naturally to me. my other muses tend to approach the world with stark objectivity, prioritising outcomes ( often for the 'greater good' ) over the ethical cost of their actions. they’re unapologetically pragmatic, willingly acting in a way that is morally grey to achieve their goals. 

tsubaki, while capable of coming to the same conclusions, takes an entirely different path to get there. she pauses to acknowledge and weigh what she’s about to do—considering not just the what, but the how and why. it’s her ability to balance pragmatism with this profound reverence that I sometimes struggle to wrap my objective-to-a-fault head around. she’s not an idealist or bound by tradition by any means, but she manages to treat her choices with almost sacred care. i sometimes find it hard to understand how she can act so decisively while holding such deep respect for the act itself. her clarity and complexity feel intuitive, but I don’t always grasp them right away. that push and pull—the way she makes me question my instincts—can be confusing, but it’s also what makes her so fascinating to write.

fun fact: I wanted to make a character like this for two main reasons: 1. because the single coolest thing about bleach is its constant exploration of morality. 2. i’m a cellular and molecular scientist (virology and immunology) working in public health. because of my scientific background, i approach problems clinically in a field that also has to consider the social impact of decisions. having the variability in our team has been super effective, but it's also nice to be able to consider the wider consequences for myself. tsubaki has been practice for me, a way to explore that balance—and it’s been incredibly rewarding !

3.0   what’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse ? i wrote a bit here about how i’d love to roleplay decisive-action tsubaki. but another situation i’ve always wanted to explore is her interactions with hitsugaya ( u get this special confession for being a fellow hitsugaya enjoyer ) .

tsubaki, as the eldest daughter of the kuragane clan, has long borne the mantle of responsibility—not just as first daughter, but as the caretaker to four younger brothers, the youngest of which is probably similar in age to hitsugaya himself. she’s incredibly devoted to her family and the obligations tied to her role as first daughter, so much so that it would invariably spill into how she relates to others of a similar age/disposition to her siblings. 

try balancing that with her duty-bound respect for a captain. absolute chaos. she’d be walking a constant line between respect for hitsugaya’s position and inadvertently slipping into elder-sister/mother mode LMAO.