#composer joshua yay

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[leverage-commentary]

Leverage Season 2, Episode 3, The Order 23 Job, Audio Commentary Transcript

Dean: Hi, I'm Dean Devlin, Executive Producer.

John: John Rodgers, Executive Producer.

Chris: Chris Downey, Executive Producer and Writer, and this is: The Order 23 Job.

John: Writer of this episode.

Chris: Yes.

John: That's right, this is number two written, number two aired.

Chris: Yes. Now- yeah this is- we meet our bad guy here, in this scene. His name is Eddie Maranjian, he's played by an actor Melik Malkasian, and Dean, you discovered him.

Dean: Well when we got to Portland, we wanted to see some of the local talent, so we went to an improv group and he was really one of the outstanding performers in the improv group. So when you wrote the part, I saw that it was Armenian; I remembered that I'd seen an Armenian actor and he came in and he just knocked it out of the park.

John: Now this is about affinity crimes this episode. And this- and by the way, this happens- takes place in the fictional town of Bellbridge, Massachusetts, which we chose for episode two. Bellbridge, Mass has become our fictional city in Leverage where just bad things happen. In the season finale it’s actually-

Chris: It's a cesspool of evil.

John: It's a cesspool of evil and corruption and remember we like- we're gonna do an episode where an entire town is corrupt. Well, we've already slandered Bellbridge; might as well get our money's worth. Tell me why you chose an Armenian villain here other than your hatred of all things Armenian.

Chris: Well, you know, we were very influenced by the Bernie Madoff scandal, and one of the things that came out of that was people asking the question: how were these people duped into investing all their money and losing it in a Ponzi scheme? And the original Ponzi scheme was named after Charles Ponzi who was an Italian immigrant in 1920 who preyed on fellow Italian immigrants in a scheme- in a Ponzi scheme; subsequent investors of the scheme pay off the previous investors. And so we wanted to kind of explore - how could people be duped like that? And we kind of decided, well let's do an Armenian bad guy, kind of arbitrary, just to sort of, take a little bit of that-

John: Well it’s the same close knit community, a lot of financial- many people don't know, but a lot of America- a lot of big developments in the Midwest are actually developed by Armenians.

Chris: Yes. Yes.

Dean: Well this episode was directed by Rod Hardy, who in season one directed the terrific episode The 12 Step Job, and he, again, knocked it out. He's an Australian director, friend of our DP Dave Connell who introduced us to him, and he's really become a great friend of the show and part of the extended Leverage family.

John: Now this show, interestingly, really shows off the glory that is Portland. Because we had a court house episode last year, the Juror Number 6 Job, where we built the courtroom on our soundstage in an old aluminium milling plant in the valley in LA. Where they’re probably shooting porn now.

[Laughter]

John: Meanwhile, the lovely city of Portland gave us access to all these government buildings, so we can do long walk and talks down massive government corridors.

Dean: And real courtrooms.

Chris: Many cities have the old federal courthouse- there are great stately federal courthouses built in the early 20th century, the 1920s, and then the new federal courthouse. And the old federal courthouses just kind of sit there, and we saw this when we did a location scout before the season started, and it was in the back of my head when conceiving this episode.

John: This episode was also born of one of the first ideas we put up on the wall of cards. If you listen to first season commentary, you know Chris and I - before we hired the writers - started throwing around- just throwing up cards on a wall of just stuff we always wanted to do on heist shows. And one of the things we were talking about was a great old Mission Impossible episode where they convince a guy that the end of the world has come.

Chris: Yes.

John: They do so through a periscope and some cunningly developed models.

[Laughter]

John: We realized that, probably, modern audiences were too sophisticated for the telescope, but we took the idea of convincing a guy that the apocalypse had come and kinda ran with it a very cool post-modern way.

Chris: I mean, if you look at, sort of, the headlines that were running at the time this was conceived, it was Bernie Madoff and swine flu. And that basically, this episode is the marriage of those two things.

John: So as you can tell, it takes really no training to be a television writer. Just pick two random things from the newspaper and combine them and then you have an episode. 

[Laughter]

John: They're talking about the cupcake, nice, soft federal prison he's going to. Interestingly, right after this, they stopped sending these guys to the prisons. Just because I think the idea that these guys had brought the entire world to the brink of financial ruin meant that they can no longer skate away- Bernie Madoff actually got into his first prison fight a little ago.

Chris: Oh, really?

Dean: In an argument over Wall Street.

John: Yeah, as happens. And how did we pick the Order 23? Where'd Order 23, the title, come from?

Chris: I don't know. I think it was, you know, just kind of a spooky number, I think it was, and we knew this- the con for this one was supposed to be built around sound. 

Dean: And as I was saying earlier, about this episode being directed by Rod Hardy, we are now being joined by-

John: Rod Hardy

Chris: Rod Hardy! Yay!

Rod: My apologies, Hollywood traffic is always tricky.

[Laughter]

John: And he's driving on the wrong side of the road; it's just bad.

Rod: You people drive on the wrong side of the road.

John: I know, you wanna- I'm having my traditional Guinness. Do you want one?

Rod: I'd love one.

John: We will see what we can do. So the gentleman- we've just met our feds and our gentleman- the gentleman playing the two security guards - who are they?

Chris: Yeah, it's Victor Morris playing Deputy Marshal Robert Corville, and Joshua Sawtell is playing Charlie Merrill. Little fact about this show - this show is cast entirely in the city of Portland; these are all Portland actors.

John: Yeah, that's right; we didn't fly anyone up from LA for this one.

Rod: The cast really stood up to the line of anything. I mean Melik in particular- we were very, in one way, keen to find someone locally for a whole bunch of reasons, but he showed a true, sort of, level of performance that I thought worked really well in this episode.

Dean: Absolutely.

John: There's two things in this sequence that are interesting from a writing standpoint - other than the fun of seeing Beth Riesgraf in a ventilation shaft. One: poison in the water is, of course, an homage to You Only Live Twice, the Bond film, and the wire, by the way, is digital.

Chris: Yeah. Well this part is real, but that part is digital.

John: This is digital and the whole drop down. But two: where did the villain speech come from? Who was explaining that?

Chris: Oh, this is kind of the psychology of hedge funds, and it was- I believe it was from a column my dad sent me from the Wall Street Journal. You know how your dad sends you articles and things? And, you know-

John: ‘This would be a good movie.’ Yeah, I get that all the time.

Chris: ‘This would be good.’ I was going through it, and this is be all about why people invest in hedge funds; about the fear that other people make more than them. And fear was kinda the theme of this episode, so it kind of, sort of set it up here.

Rod: And I'm sure you mentioned before, but to me the wonderful thing about this story that brought it into today was that it was the Bernie Madoff story. In a way you want him to be Bernie Madoff.

John: Well the first season was really the Madoff variation.

[All Laugh]

John: First half of the season- because, you know, the show got picked up and were like, ‘Oh, second season - what are we gonna do? We hadn't really thought about it.’ And then the world economic system collapsed and, you know, ready made villains began to fall out of the newspapers.

Rod: Yes. The thing about Malik’s performance that I always found appealing was, when you first did the audition, was the fear in his eyes. You know, underneath all the sort of men with great bravado, there's a wonderful sense of fear. Which I think our bad guys always come to the floor with, which is terrific. Here it is; look at those eyes.

Chris: I love this shot here, too. I love- I just love the way you composed this.

John: Did you digitally fog that or-? 

Rod: No, just put it out of focus. It’s easier; the DP is very good at that sort of stuff.

[All Laugh]

John: Oh, he's gonna be filled with rage. And then we take him- now this is interesting - this is one of the few locations. It really only happens in 2 locations: the courthouse and the hospital. And then we go back to the hospital.

Chris: The whole episode takes place- that was another thing I wanted to do, was do an episode that takes place entirely - not just in one day - but really in about 6 hours.

John: Now it was interesting - this was really the first episode where we started to hammer in on the second season theme, which we realize was the more you are constrained in time and space- because our team at this point is very, very good. People watched the first season; they know how incredibly talented they are. How do you challenge a super team? You have to keep throwing obstacles in their way. And rather than just complications, you kept making the situation more and more constrained. And this is also a great one. Tim really dug in on the whole ‘Oh, so I like hurting people this year.’ He really dug in on it. 

Rod: I gotta tell you, I look at the show now, and I look at the difference between the LA versions and the Portland version - and I love the Portland version. It just feels different, and has a different sense to it, which is great.

John: It feels bigger. 

Dean: And we have such access to such a varying architecture, varying designs. And we can shoot in places we would never be allowed to shoot in Los Angeles, and I think it adds to it.

John: Because of little things like safety regulations and employment laws. Meanwhile in Portland, we’re basically running a giant child labor camp and, yeah, starring the entire city of Portland.

Dean: I love your use of the bullet time here, and going down the hall, and through-

Rod: Well, so, it was your invention. And I just think it’s, unfortunately I do - when I go to work on other productions - never do I enjoy working on other productions better than this one, but I do try to steal that idea occasionally, because it is so clever and so wonderful.

[Laughter]

John: It just keeps the pace up and moving, because to a great- one of the things you do find in a show - it's a lot of people sitting around looking at computers. And in order to stop it- Now where- how did we wind up using sound so much in this? It was the-

Chris: Well the idea of this was, again, we mention it - great Mission Impossible where they convince somebody they were in a submarine or a bomb shelter. And the great thing about that is using sound. This was a con that was built around sound; about the noise in the hallway that was gonna slowly drive this guy insane, and-

Dean: You know, what's interesting about that, is when I saw the rough cut and we only had the temp sounds on it, I liked the episode, but it wasn't, for me, like, a super great episode. Once the sounds came in, it was suddenly, ‘Oh wow, this thing just took a big leap,’ because- well Rod, you had so well directed the actors to the sounds, that without the sounds there, it was like we were missing a character. And when the sounds came in, it was like the other character was in the room.

Rod: I say these days, sound to me brings in at least 70% of a movie. It's quite extraordinary. Where 20 years ago it was less than 50, now it's up above cause it creates the whole sense of where you are.

John: By the way, the speech that nurses don't wear the tight little white uniforms anymore, is actually a speech Beth gave up that we just wound up putting in the show.

[All Laugh]

Dean: Yeah.

John: Nice try guys. And this is one of the perfect examples of the bickering brother relationship. This really is the proto episode for that.

Rod: It’s that Lethal Weapon stuff which is great.

Chris: In my mind, they share an apartment with bunk beds and NFL [unintelligible.]

[All Laugh]

Chris: That's how I write it.

John: In your head, that's how they- they've been adopted by Mr. Drummond. Are they like the Different Strokes kids? Is that your theory?

Dean: I love this bit.

John: I also love the weirdly, and if we can talk about the actors for a moment, I love the weirdly disaffected face Beth always puts on when she's about to do physical harm to someone. Yeah, it really- if you ever notice in the ventilation shaft, she has poisoned someone and she is giggling; she is giggly. And in here, she's just kind of got these dead eyes when she's, ‘Oh, time to go give a man a skin rash to convince him he's dying.’ It’s another Thursday afternoon for Parker.

Dean: And these guys you got to play the cops are terrific. 

Rod: They worked out really well, didn't they? I did notice the priest in the background there. I really wanted to work on- the first episode, I wanted to have a priest or a nun in everything, and unfortunately, I couldn't find the right place, but in the hospital it was great.

Chris: There’s another great bullet time.

Dean: Yeah, that was a really great one.

John: This also was another thing we did a lot first season, where we really became part of the pattern this year, which is to split them up in twos and threes. Is to- you know, last year, if you look, a lot of times they kind of fold over and cross in each other’s stories a lot. Well this year, in order to give each character a little room to breathe, we really started building- not really B stories, but physically- simultaneously, but physically separated.

Dean: But this part right here is a very interesting deviation from what we normally do, and it worked really well, which- normally the heart and soul of our show is the victim and their story, but here it switches to a new victim that we’re introducing here. It was quite the surprise, I thought, and became a very emotional part of the story.

John: Well that's cause the victim was in Act 0 in this episode. I mean, you start in the courtroom, which is very difficult to get the emotional hit of a lot of our other episodes.

Chris: Well, one of the things I think that- it kinda-

John: Wait a minute, Rod’s afraid to pop a beer.

Rod: It's never a good time for this. Is it now? [Opens beer.]

John: It is- it is traditional on all of our commentaries to usually hear me opening that, so it's good to hear you taking that over for me.

Chris: I was gonna say that one of the things we have typically in the con, is that one of the members of the team gets, sort of, over invested in the con. That's- we've done that as a sort of a source of comedy, but in this case it's kinda like Eliot sorta becomes- he becomes a cop in a sense. You know?

John: Yeah.

Chris: So I mean, like, it's when they wear the costume - sometimes one of them actually, sort of, becomes that costume.

John: And it's also interesting to see how fans react to any sort of storyline like this, where they just assume you're trying to reveal something about the character’s past or some sort of subtle hints that we’re laying in. It’s like no, Eliot doesn't like guys who beat up kids. It's not- I mean there's plainly other stuff going on that Christian chose in order to base his acting around...

Dean: This was the episode, though, where we all suddenly watched the dailies and said, ‘Christian’s really taking it up a whole other level this year’. And then he did. Because it was this episode, and then Tap Out, he took the character that he had built in season 1 that we had liked and were familiar with, and he added these real interesting layers to it that just, I thought, really elevated it.

John: Ah, the [in a Boston accent] Revere Claw there you go. That is Gina doing the great Route 1. I’ll tell you exactly from where Route 1 she’s up on - she's just past Mike Clarke’s Comedy Club up on Route 1, with the dealerships. That hair right there, is the [in a Boston accent] Revere Claw named after Revere, Massachusetts, to establish a certain socioeconomic and strata one might say, except it's actually in Revere. At least when I was growing up, it’s teased out so finely it’s only 5 or 6 hairs; it's really insane - it's like a fish’s krill mask.

Rod: I would love to see- I'd like to see a reel at some stage of all these characters cut together from each of the characters. Put on one of these DVDs, cause it would be such fun to see the journey you take them on; it’s fabulous.

John: Well the fans do that. That's part of the fun of watching the YouTube fan videos.

Rod: Well done fans.

John: It’s watching like, ‘Oh, I'd forgotten how cool that moment was.’ Yeah, because we're gonna make any of these by hopefully the end of the run. Even at this point, we’re 20 hours in and it’s- there’s gonna be moments you forget.

Rod: You know, the tricky thing about this episode also was, and I know it happens a lot in the series, but for me, you'd shoot a scene like such we’re watching now, but at the same time you have to get that security, sort of, version of it. so it was always- Dean’s always makes what he shows - it was always that much more difficult; there's so much to be done, which is just interesting.

Chris: There’s a lot of layers. Well an interesting thing that made me think, looking at Melik here was, and I - and this I gotta say to Rod - we, in day one of this shoot, I think, Dave went on day one and day 2, Melik had to go from arrogant to literally- I mean, on the verge of insanity. And I mean, maybe Rod, talk about how you had to get him there over the course of the first two days of this shoot. I mean, that’s a lot.

Rod: I used an old director’s tool, which was basically, ‘you'll never work again if this doesn't work.’

[All Laugh]

John: Ah. [In an Australian accent/mimicking Rod] ‘Now the way I want you to have fear here, is to be actually afraid of the fact that we're gonna fire you.’ That’s really- use the sense memory of unemployment.

Rod: That’s right. That's all true. My god, I have the same fears every time I work. You know, what's interesting here was, Day 1 he had to go from the beginning to the very end of the thing, so for an actor to- by the way, who has done the terrific things in his time, but nothing as quickly as we make this show. So I might say all power to him for being able to keep it going right to the end of the day. But it made that first day of our shoot really a tricky one, and one of the hardest of the whole shoot in a way, because he had- you know, you can shoot this stuff very quickly, but it's not just about shoots, it's about keeping the performances alive and real on the same level, and he was able to do that. But you know what? The way I was able to talk to him about it, a good thing was, he listened.

Chris: Yeah.

Rod: He just listened, and that was really helpful. We do this together. I mean, that's what the journey is - you do it together.

John: Now there's- we breeze past the speech where Tim is explaining to Beth Riesgraf- or, pardon me, Nate is explaining to Parker how they're gonna do this. How they're gonna basically hypnotize this guy. How they're gonna drive him to the edge. And we’d- you know, you'd done a fair bit of research and we'd just started reading Jonah Lehrer which is a lot of neuroscience, and we got a really nice email, actually, from a neuroscientist which was like, ‘Hey, you know what? Usually I call bullshit on television, but pretty good theory; that would actually work.’

Chris: Yeah. I felt pretty good about that. We got really interested in neuroscience in this beginning of season 2.

John: Well especially Apollo Robbins, who was our consultant who had actually lectured at the big neuroscience convention, you know, as they were starting to understand that magicians and illusionists have a very basic understanding of how the mind and eye track objects and understand things and perceive things, that neuroscientists can only do through experimentation. So there's this weird, cool melding now of the two fields. And yeah, we got totally sucked into it, but that's the great thing about writing.

Chris: Yeah.

John: Anything you think is cool, you can use. Yeah, you're right - Chris has an awful lot to do here because he's got to also sell this ‘don't call anyone,’ and he really does. He really digs in on it.

Dean: Yeah, I'll tell you, when I started watching this on the dailies I was saying to myself, ‘Chris is digging deeper this year’. And speaking of that, we also just went through Gina's scene - Gina, who showed up this season 2 pregnant; had to deal with going through pregnancy-

John: None of us knew that, by the way, none of us had anything to do with that. Just put that out there.

[Laughter]

Dean: But, you know, going through-

Rod: DNA test results are coming, by the way.

Dean: But going through that for the first time, and yet she then also stepped up and brought her characters to a whole other level, and all the characters she created this year were phenomenal. And this one, we'd never seen her do anything like this, maybe a little hint of this in the season finale last year- no I'm sorry in Homecoming, the airport scene.

Chris: It's the first time we've had her do, what I would call a ‘low status’ character. Generally she plays very high status professionals and, you know, it was just interesting. Oh yeah, here- 

Dean: This is a great scene.

Chris: This is our ER scene.

John: This is actually- I actually- yes, you'll notice no one's running, which is a big complaint all ER nurses have; which is people always run in the scenes. I actually got food poisoning in college and this happened next to me. I remember us talking about this, yeah, the whole flatlining and shadows, it's a very-

Rod: You know what Chris? This is one of the hardest scenes I've done for a very long time, because it's all about perception. You know, the audience has to know one thing, but the character - who we have to really feel his fears is there thinking something else, and it was-

Chris: And then I love the way you frame this shot, just- You know, just him peeking out a little bit of the gauze and, kind of, now getting his POV.

John: It's very- this is a hard episode, very few spend this much time with the bad guy.

Rod: But you know what? I know I picked this episode up, and read it, and I could hear people saying, ‘this is the easy one; there's only two locations.’

[All Laugh]

John: This is one of the- that look she just gave is great. This is one of the times you have to remind Beth that Parker’s not as good of an actress as she is. It’s like, ‘that was perfect and Parker wouldn't be that good, but good!’ Now he's losing his mind. This- and by the way, this is- we've established in thief 101, each one has skills, and this was two fold: one, we love the fact there is a grabber claw-

Chris: Well that was- I have to give Apollo credit for that. I mean, we kinda ran this one by him and he literally sent me a picture of the grabber claw; there was a link on where you could buy it - he really supplied the whole thing.

John: Oh, well that's a lot of the tech people figure is unbelievable on the show. I remember they called last year about the credit card scanner on Beth’s thigh, and they said it was unbelievable. I said, ‘I have two on my desk. You want me to send you one?’ But the other one we needed to establish is - Hardison, can’t pick pockets. You know, each one has very specific uses, and even through the rest of the season, if you watch the DVDs, you can always see Gina or Beth does the lift - always. And it's always a handoff to Hardison or Kane. You know, it's- pardon me to Aldis and Kane. I'm only one Guiness in. I can’t -

[All Laugh]

John: I'm a lightweight. I have to go back to last year doing the commentaries. Get my levels back up. See last year we did these while we were shooting them and I drink while we shoot; that's my policy.

Rod: Now this is- What about this policeman with a ponytail? For god's sake. Truly, what is this?

[Laughter & Cross Talk]

Chris: The fun train is roaring down the tracks! 

Rod: Now this kid was just terrific.

John: Yeah, this kid was great.

Rod: We will see something of this boy again. No lines. Watch his eyes; he's got such an awareness.

Chris: Now what was it like casting? I mean, did you just-? Because I wasn't there when you cast him. Did you just immediately see this and-?

Rod: I think John was there.

John: Yeah, the kid just stood out. Very, very good.

Rod: He just came out. He was just there were people that just do or don't, and this kid had a real sense of it, which was just great.

Chris: And here we have all the sounds.

Dean: I love how you moved into that super close up where it’s almost fisheye; that's just great.

Rod: The good thing about our cast is you can get to those close ups and things are going on in their minds. All the time, there's something going on in their minds.

John: Well that's the tricky bit, where you have to see the performances up, because it’s a con or heist show, so at no point have they gone and talked to the suspect, and they're hanging out for coffee. The tension is always there in every scene. The con has started - particularly in this one, we’re up and running from moment one.

Chris: Tim, here, really loved a lot of the neuroscience stuff and he improved the almond tonsils. Which I guess is the term for the amygdala - the fear center of the brain.

John: And that's also where we get into Sophie's bizarre relationship with cruelty. I don't even want to start- I don't even want to go into what that started on the web.

Dean: But it did set in motion an arc for Tim, which is that he's going into a strange darker place now that he's sober, and we played that out for the whole rest of the season.

John: The whole idea is that he can never not be addicted to something, and if it's not gonna be booze- Well, and that's the idea, the first half of the season, he's really replaced booze with control and that feeling of superiority, that feeling of righteousness. So when he then starts drinking again, he actually has a factor that wasn't in the first season. And as a result, he's a thousand times worse in the second half of the season than he was all last season. Yeah, because now he’s not just a drunk, he’s a righteous prick who's a drunk.

Dean: By the way, we also breezed by the setup of using Star Trek as a warning device. That is absolutely- what was the origin of that idea?

Chris: That came out in the room. I can’t- did you pitch that?

John: No, it was a room pitch that somebody came up with it.

Chris: I wish I could remember. This is Steve Coker, who is more of a comedic actor, and I think this was, you know, one of his first, kind of, real dramatic roles as the abusive dad.

Dean: Terrific in the part.

John: Yeah, good job. And also the way- I liked the way this ends. Yeah, you fully believe he’s gonna throw him off. I like the way that this ends, which is you have to leave town. That was another thing we kinda hit this year a couple times, which is, you know, each one of these people is beginning to realize that the way they live their life - they've left wreckage, and they've blown out of towns, and they've gone on their lives.

Dean: That's a great shot.

Chris: Look at his feet off the ground.

Rod: Hitchcock! It’s Hitchcock.

John: Don't tell them where you steal from! And also, this is another thing which is - we call up a mini speech of evil here, which is each time the villain explains why he's not a bad guy in his own head. Because nobody's a bad guy in their own head. So this guy smacks his kid around, he probably got smacked around by his dad. He turned out ok; what's the big deal? And like he says eventually, you know, Eliot's gonna blow town.

Chris: And the other thing here was, he talked about how he would get out of jail in 5 minutes. It sets up, kinda, the power. You know, even a small story like this, there are power dynamics that you don't expect.

Dean: Right there - just that little reaction that Christian does, it showed a vulnerability that he never showed last year. That was really interesting. That- I'm not sure how you got that out of him, but it started a very good trend.

John: And also, the sort of realizing he has to choose a different resolution path here. Like he can’t- he would just kill that dude. Like 5 years ago? He would just break that dude’s leg. I joked later that-

Dean: Well it's almost as though his heart started working again. 

John: Yeah, and it's bothering him.

Rod: That's a good line; I like it.

Chris: That's another great shot. I mean, now he's really-

John: Okay, this guy. 

Dean: Where did you find this guy?

Chris: Talk about this guy. Talk about this casting session.

John: When we were auditioning- When you become a Hollywood producer and it’s like then there's gonna be a casting couch and a casting room where you get to get people naked, and I'm sitting there with Rod and the skinny guys were coming in and Rod goes, ‘I'm very sorry could you take your shirt off?’ And I was like, ‘this is not the people taking their shirt off I thought it would be.’

Rod: You were gonna have to have-

John: And he had these poor bastards like shitless and scrubbing themselves in terror in the middle of the-

Dean: This guy was awesome.

John: By the way, that is a- I am going to claim, because it was so eerily similar, that that was a visual reference to the great George Romero movie The Crazies. Because if it isn't an homage to The Crazies? It should be.

[Laughter]

John: That- the whole hazmat suit and-

Chris: That’s real rain folks. We got a- we don't have to pay for atmosphere in Portland; that's real rain.

Dean: Now those hardcore Electric Entertainment fans out there, if you remember the show we did, Blank Slate, this was one of the first times we stole music from Blank Slate and put it into an episode.

[Laughter]

John: Use all the parts of a buffalo in cable television.

Dean: We believe in recycling.

Chris: Now this was-

Dean: I love this scene.

Chris: I love this too. I love the way you composed this shot, Rod. Talk about that.

Rod: And let me tell you, we’re in the kitchen of a disused hospital that was suddenly becoming a mortuary. So it was a real challenge all around, and the art department did a nice job of putting that together. And we’re turning the supposedly the simple good cop into, now, the bad guy, which was a lot of fun.

John: I also love- I believe it was in the room- well what would be in a murderer's trunk? and I whipped out the five things, and you were like, ‘that was way too fast.’ That-

[All Laugh]

John: ‘We’re gonna go out and look in your trunk right now.’ No and the- this is one of the times- cause again, we have to play with the conventions of the show in the second season, he doesn't have the earpiece in. And who’s in communication, who’s not in communication often begins to be the things they hinge around. This is- a lot of stuff happens in this one.

Chris: It sure does.

John: We drive the guy crazy, we kidnap a security guard.

Dean: And there's an assassin that he has to deal with.

John: Turns out this is an assassin, there's an abused kid. The hell's going on?

Chris: For how many minutes? 40?

John: 42:30?

Dean: That's a nice act out?

Rod: But it's a simple little show to do in seven days.

[Laughter]

Dean: By the way, great fight scene.

John: Lemme ask, if this is a kitchen- 

Dean: Where do those come from?

Rod: We built those. Everything was put in; we kept sort of two or three of the walls and put in those.

Dean: The drawers.

Rod: The drawers. Yeah, only two of the drawers would open, but that’s okay; 

John: That’s all you need.

Rod: That’s all you need for this show.

John: This is a particularly brutal fight scene. I love the fact that he's like, ‘wrong day’. Yeah, slamming people’s hands in drawers, I think I took that from Queen & Country script. 

Dean: But it's just so great. He's in such a bad mood over this kid. He couldn't kill the other guy; this guy he can take out.

John: And then the spinning the bowl thing.

Dean: I love the Jackie Chan reference.

John: It’s very Jackie Chan. I'm fairly sure it’s from the one where he's a cook, I can’t remember the- Who Am I?- no it’s not Who Am I?, it’s a different one.

Chris: Rod, I think you said we need to put a body on this gurney here to throw him on. I think originally mine said empty gurney and you said let’s put a body on there.

Rod: If there's a fight in a mortuary, there's gotta be a dead body somewhere.

[Laughter]

Dean: And then throwing him on top of the body is just awesome.

Chris: Here it is on top of the body.

John: You know this like, nice person, has passed away after years of peacefully dedicated-

Chris: Oh, they were a terrible person.

John: We only dump our guys on terrible people.

Rod: Come back to the man screaming.

John: This one really ramps up.

Dean: Look at that. He went for it, he really went for it.

John: Is that the 10 millimeter that gives you the-?

Rod: Yeah it is, and a lot of actors, who were much more experienced than him, wouldn't have gone as far as he did, which is one of the reasons I knew he'd be right.

Chris: But I'm saying that credit to you, because I remember you getting there and you were like ‘man there’s- there's spiders on you!’ I mean, you really just brought him to the brink.

John: And then he threw the spiders on him.

Rod: Exactly the way I felt waking up in my hotel room you guys put me in. I understood his fear.

[Laughter]

John: His fear of dirt.

Dean: I love the whole fact that his nose is bleeding just off the suggestion-

John: Yeah, I've seen in hypnosis, boils have been raised, blisters. That's absolutely possible.

Dean: Tim was terrific in this part, too.

John: Tim loves- all actors love a death scene. Even if it's a fake death scene.

Rod: That's a good fall.

John: That's a good fall. Yeah, he's absolutely out of his mind at that point. 

[Laughter]

John: Handcuffed, people dying around him.

Dean: Look at the feet! The feet are what makes that shot so good.

John: Wait, was that a dummy or did we actually have a stuntie?

Rod: No, they were actual rubber feet.

John: And then getting yelled at.

Dean: Wrath of Khan.

John: Wrath of Khan, yeah. We actually went through on the day. It’s like, ‘now is the rule that the good ones are the alarm or the bad ones?’ We went back and forth for a while. I know it's the- it’s one of the little geek cred things you have to watch. Once you establish a character like Hardison is a geek - you can never let it go. Because I hate, as an actual geek, watching television and they've got some 1988 version of what a computer nerd looks like. You know, and that's so- he has to know his Doctor Who and he has to know his Star Trek pretty well.

Chris: This was like a change from the first draft to the second draft, I think. In the first draft- because I just had Nate die, it was like well, we’ve already seen Sophie die, so what's worse? 

John: That’s a repeated beat.

Chris: What's worse is that he's just being locked-

Dean: To die.

Chris: To die with this guy.

John: We've also built up - the army's coming. This is The Crazies, we’re doing The Crazies.

Rod: What other show do you get this kind of madness? For god's sake, it’s just-

Dean: In our writers room.

John: It's a very tiny writers room, with a lot of booze and heat, and it really creates this. Yeah, I just realized that this is The Crazies; this is now the army is coming to destroy- now actually, by the time you're hearing this, The Crazies the remake is already out, so you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. But there's a great, horrifying- an old George Romero movie from the 70s-

Dean: I love Tim’s switch right there. And done.

John: ‘And, I’m up.’

Dean: And this guy was great.

John: It’s kinda parallax feel, too. It's a very 1970s paranoid vibe to the whole thing. And look,  there's that walk again; that look when the emotions she's supposed to have as a human are gone. And what the hell? The hell’s going on?

Dean: And another great bullet time. And the head coming out.

Chris: The great thing is it gives you a sense of geography. You know, like, where he's coming.

John: Well, we actually talk about something in the show called the heist head. The hardest thing about writing cons in a heist is the geography; you have to understand the geography. It's like writing bedroom farce; it's all based on going in and out certain doors at certain times.

Rod: By the way, shows with two locations like we had, make it more difficult to shoot in a way; you gotta keep the audience aware of where they are, but at the same time make it more interesting. 

John: Absolutely. And that's the big challenge is resetting the geography so the audience doesn't have to stop and think, ‘wait, where are they?’ Because at that point, whatever emotional response is gone.

Chris: Now here- this is the scene I talked about; how this scene affected the shooting-

John: Yeah.

Chris: Afterwards.

John: By the way, these cops, I believe, he beats up in the season finale.

[All Laugh]

Dean: Christian really dug in for this scene, you know, and -

Rod: But it's what makes this show worth it. That these guys can go through all the Robin Hood stuff, but they get into that emotional line and that's what makes it really, to me, a fun thing to watch.

John: It's also fun, because if you know Chris Kane and you see kids around him, Chris basically- kids basically treat Chris like Batman. So seeing him interact with a kid in this way, is very much the way Chris actually talks to kids in real life. You know, he's very honest with them, he's very direct, and it's a very real scene; it's a better scene than I've seen in shows that this for real-

Chris: Yeah.

Dean: But there's a turn he makes here, which is really interesting. He starts off, like, really confident that he's just gonna solve this and talk to the kid, and when he realizes his impotence in this scene, it, again, his heart comes to the surface, which is something we hadn't really seen before with this character.

Chris: It's true. And his impotence comes out when Hardison touches him, I mean, you see his reaction then.

Dean: He's not used to not being able to handle something.

John: But this is a better version of this scene than I've seen in shows, like hospital shows, where you're supposed to be with the big orchestral moment. And yeah, this is a believable, great bit of acting by two very good actors. That kid is great. He actually didn’t have braces; we actually screwed those braces on him.

Chris: And right here, and I love this shot, too; him scared in the frame by the two of them. 

Rod: He's arm was broken, but we had to break it for the show.

John: Again, the great thing about shooting in Portland. You know, tax credits, but Oregon really looks the other way, I find. 

Chris: Now, and just in terms of the ending, there was another that was written that was more a traditional ending, where the team’s together and pays the victim the money. And after we saw the scene shot, I remember I talked with Rod the next day. You know what? That's the emotional high point of the show. Let's just- let's end it on closing that story and that's the end of the episode.

John: Yeah, I mean, that's to a great degree; a tough one on this, is that the B story kind of takes over most of it. But you never know that. You never know that until you see the performances; til you see the cut.

Chris: This is a great turn back for him, back to evil.

John: Back to- and he's evil again. He’s- you know, you can't keep a good evil man down.

Chris: Now Rod, please tell us- this is an amazing shot.

[Laughter]

Rod: This all came out of nowhere, with 20 minutes to shoot it and, I might say, the genius of our DP David Connell, added with my genius, and a long lens. Because you can create many things. 

Chris: It's a movie shot; that is a movie shot right there.

John: Also, this is the- I think this it’s referenced later, but it's unclear, this is the bad guy. This is the assassin’s car; that’s why there’s actually keys there, because they have set this up for him in order to- And did we shoot that with the suction cup mount while driving?

Rod: Yes.

Dean: And I love the jump cutting in there that just puts you on edge with him. This is a beautiful shot right there.

Chris: Oh and he really fell.

Rod: This guy threw himself into it so much .

John: Now there was also- and again this is super, super intimate. So he has hidden the money back from his trial back in this courthouse, right? And we make a point of the fact that there's, and she's learned to fight this year, too, which I love. And there's another episode where you show that Eliot has actually been teaching her how to fight. The fact that this place has not been refurbished is because this is a very low budget town, which is in a lot of financial trouble. And that's actually- in the-, although the scene that was cut, explained how he got the gun into the courtroom, because they had not refurbished the metal detectors. That's actually a plot point in the season finale that all the security that was supposed to go to the town was stolen.

Chris: Oh that's right, you’re right.

John: Yeah no, no I totally did that intentionally.

Dean: It's explained at the end of the things.

John: If you watch the season finale and this episode they actually- Bellbridge has a continuity.

Rod: This bit I love. When they let him go, I think is just so terrific.

Chris: And this is an iconic shot in the show, Rod. I mean, they- we used this shot of them-

Dean: A lot in trailers.

Rod: Is that right? Good.

John: And they know he's screwed. Look at the face like, ‘yes, yes your infinite raging, yes; and do exactly what we predicted.’

Rod: Fell and slipped again.

Dean: That shot right there.

John: And they all make a nice choice; each one of them looks at Nate in a different way. This is- and I love, by the way, that who on earth would think would work? ‘I'm in my underwear; I'm running around in the street; I've escaped from the police; who will believe me?’ Yeah, this is a very Twilight Zone, this a very William Shatner look out the window: ‘he's right there!’

Dean: It is, yeah.

John: It's all local actors for the cops.

Rod: Everybody in this show.

John: Yeah there was no one from LA, holy smokes.

Dean: It just goes to show what talent depth there is in Portland. We had no idea. Originally we thought we were gonna be bringing up 4 to 5 people per episode and we really averaged one.

John: And they bounced him hard off that. 

Rod: This show would be the only one you didn’t bring anybody into. 

Chris: Yes. 

John: But the other ones we only did really one role an episode.

Chris: I like the way you did this, too; how you came off his back and around tells the whole story. And then-

Dean: And then transition; terrific.

John: It’s like you thought about this. Like you spent hours preparing.

Rod: It’s like it was planned.

[Laughter]

John: Ahh gimmick security footage. Where would we be without gimmick security footage? Leverage relies on the fact that this is a surveillance society. And this is- we use this a couple times - the guy looking out the cop car window. It’s sort of that William Shatner looking at the thing in the window, that's exactly what it is

Dean: Well it's the rule we have in the show; it’s not enough-

John: This is Dean’s big rule.

Dean: Yeah, my big rule is the villain can't just lose, he must suffer.

Rod: Right. Yeah, yeah.

Dean: He must suffer, otherwise it's not good enough.

John: He’s humiliated.

Chris: And also the gloat; you want the gloat.

Dean: The gloat, you want the gloat. Now where is this-? This scene seems very you, the lawyer-

John: Oh, he totally wrote this. Every now and then on the law stuff, he digs in.

Chris: Well I was trying to marry the notions of the law and neuroscience, and I'm not sure it was entirely successful here.

Rod: Well can I just make a comment? I’m not sure if I understood what it meant.

[All Laugh]

John: He still directed the hell out of it.

Chris: It was about the nature of intent, really, in a crime and that’s-

Rod: I think we may have shot this about midnight or one am and I said to you, ‘what does this actually mean?’

John: It’s Latin, just keep moving.

Chris: It’s Latin, yeah, exactly.

John: And Parker has the money. This is actually- this is a character that Chris does on a regular basis when he plays roles. When he has Eliot doing the role, it's always an ‘aw shucks I'm just here to help you’ guy. He very rarely intentionally frightens people. You know it's a very interesting choice that is, ‘yeah I'm just your pal; this is all good news; we’re all- we just all wanna go home’. So this is- only two drawers worked, this one and which one?

Rod: That's it, the other side.

John: The other side.

Dean: I love this. I love that he smacks him. 

John: Yeah.

[All Laugh]

John: ‘We all saw that.’

Dean: I love their relationship.

John: Yeah, because, you know, he’s gotta make sure that as annoying as Hardison is, he's not gonna get hurt.

Chris: And the other thing that's not important here is another kinda late addition in the script, was we wanted to- you know they manipulate the US Marshals here, but we wanted them to have a win. We wanted to give them something, so that it’s not- they're not just chumps.

John: It's very tricky, in the room we talk about, when we manipulate innocent people, they should be rewarded.

Chris: Especially law enforcement.

John: Especially law enforcement. Because you know he's not- he didn't do a bad thing, you know. And in the end, he's a good Marshal and he's gonna bring the guy in. So, you know, we always wanna make sure they always fall on the side of angels. And it's not always easy. They leave wreckage behind, yeah, and this was also nice - the moment he gets the favor out of him.

Chris: Yeah, he owes him.

Dean: And what's nice is that he comes up with it as it's happening, as opposed to having this planned out. You see it really, like, you see the idea just enter his brain.

John: And there.

Chris: That's a great acting moment.

John: Now originally, by the way, Chris, you had the- I would like to note, the drivers license of the evil father found with the assassins car so that the-

Chris: I think I did. 

John: The evil father not only lost custody of the kid, but went down as an accessory for assassination and murder.

Chris: I think I did have that, that might've been- I think that was too far.

John: Your original payoff was a bit more ruthless. But he's great, by the way, that's Victor. He's great in that scene. Cause look, he’s warm with the kid and then he basically puts on the cop eyes, and it's like ‘do not even try. Do not even try’. Yeah, it's a great performance.

Chris: And then here this last bit was the- was what we added as the- as the new ending. Which was, we wanna make sure that the audience knows this kid is gonna be safe.

Dean: And I think the first time we ever ended on the show on Christian.

John: Yeah. I would like to know the first time we saw this, the lights came up and I said, ‘oh he's going in there to kill that dad.’

[All Laugh]

John: It's just like, ‘oh man he's going in there, he's gonna choke him into unconsciousness, shove a pretzel down his trachea, and make it look like an accident and let him choke to death on the floor. Ahhh, kid’s out of the way.’

Rod: This stuff happens at the end because you allow the story to unfold. And we talked about it as we were shooting, but you guys allow it to unfold, so it has a natural sort of tempo. I really liked it.

Dean: Well thank you, again, for being on the show season 1, 12 Step, my favorite episode. You killed it again with this. And thank you so much for being here.

Rod: I'm gonna be there for seasons 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11.

John: God bless - that’s 6 more than I'll be there for.

Dean: From your mouth to our accountants’ ears.

Rod: It was fun.

Dean: Thank you.

Chris: Thanks a lot.

John: Thanks a lot.

[the-composer]

Hand over all of the wing headcanons

yay! i have several that i rotate between depending on storyline:

1. one is that he doesn’t! when you ascend to composer, you’re also becoming a god, which means joshua’s soul passes through the higher plane to achieve divine status. in the `apotheosizing’ metamorphosis, he’s given wings (halo too), but when he comes out the other side, they’re stripped from him. it’s kind of a sick metaphor for composers being bound to their district, but IMO the higher plane has a sick sense of ironic humor.

2. (this is mostly KH verse): he has wings, but he doesn’t need them. he uses them for pomp and to enjoy flying (makes him feel more free and real than zapping here and there in his god form). the more he uses them though and the longer they’re `out’, the more likely he is to feel the wing experience. he’ll go through molting if he doesn’t balance it out, but for the most part that only happens if he’s sneaking around in the RG too much.

3. his wings can change form. they can be fluffy, or they can be sharp (stabby levels of sharp). the sharpness is reaper wings acting as the skeleton from which the feathers grow (there’s art of this which i can link to those that ask), but this takes energy out of him to do. they can also shift in hue like a mood ring to his musical temperance and kind of reflect shibuya’s disposition. think chromesthesia.

4. (all verses) if joshua gives you one of his feathers, you are protected for life.

[spicyraba-neku]

okay, but have you the letter fans considered

a twewy and the letter crossover bc i love these

neku in isabella santos' place being a disgruntled real estate agent

Joshua being luke wright

Rhyme is,,ironically, rebecca???

Mr. H hilariously becomes joshua's hannah wright bc they wanted to evade taxes so they decided to get married legally

Zach is beat, holy fuck, can u imagine?

Any of the reapers could be johannes tbfh

Rose Cooper being Shiki Misaki bc why not right

No actual murder (in the letter's events anyway,,,) happens bc joshua is still that composer god but he got custody over luxborne instead of shibuya

Shiki and neku are childhood buddies that came from japan

Eri's takako but shes a nice ghost hanging around, fucking with people for fun. In this case, she's named Eli bc american translations, i guess???

I just love the thought of rhyme being a teacher okay, shed fit in rebecca's role

I think I want ashton untouched bc can u imagine him getting a crush on our local spicy tuna roll??? I sure can

Holy fuvk thats a crack ship isnt it??

holy shit thats amazing

Should i draw fanart

I should draw fanart

But really if ashton was anyone in the twewy cast itd be either sho or....uzuki?

Kariya's the johanne bc i just think its hilairous, okay? Otherwise it could be megumi, his idol worship of joshua certainly fit. Not johannes, obviously, but yeah.

Konishi as marianne could you imagine

So neku is doing his job as usual, trying to save up for a super expensive art college with shiki who wants to become a seamstress

And then the ermengarde mansion thing happens, sold to joshua for some reason (he imprinted the minds of neku and shiki, an interesting idea popping up in his mind...)

Joshua, the little shit, makes neku see the UG bc Eri hangs around there a lot, bugging players and generally being a nuisance

Neku and shiki are like, super affected by josh's meddling and get fainting spells. The day of the open house and the duo are like, bombarded with visions of...stuff. things. Yay.

Neku thinks the mansion is haunted, shiki's reserving judgement, but the rest of them think theyre crazy. So they try to investigate

And then the chapter of isabella's in the office?? Yeah, they die there,

And they end up in luxborne's UG. Oh no

Most of their missions tend to be over at the mansion WHICH MIGHT THEY ADD IS A GOOD FINE HOUR AND A HALF AWAY. JOSH, YOU EVIL LITTLE SHIT.

Their week is spent trying to uncover the mysteries of luxborne mansion while trying to convince their friends that yes, they are alive, please calm the fuck down. Well no theyre technically dead BUT THATS NOT THE POINT, BEAT, WE CAN STILL HEAR YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT US GODDAMMIT STOP CONVERSING AS IF WE ARENT IN THE ROOM.

The drama over the isabella/ashton/rebecca thing is never there bc??? Neku??? Sho/Uzuki??? Rhyme??? Never going to fit.

Instead sanae thinks this neku person might be good for joshua so he constantly, CONSTANTLY tries to set them up which drives neku up the wall. My spicy boi cant seem to catcha break, can he?

Shiki is kiterally the most chill person on earth and is okay with this. She gets into debates with neku about the advantages of living in the UG never having to pay wages for living, because effectively, they are DEAD. They dont NEED to pay taxes.

Neku is just beinf a stubborn shit. No question

Meanwhile shiki makes nice with Eri/Eli and nothing is ever the same again

Luxborne turns into a fashion craze when the two mentioned above combine forces, force Neku to run errands and make a lot of luxborne local brands popular.

Joshua doesnt turn them into reapers but doesnt let them live either

Luxborne UG operates differently from Shibuya. Im putting the headcanon that every area with a UG operates with its own sets of rules, systems, and mechanics

So like, luxbornes game is a race. U have to complete the most missions before ur granted a pass, hence why theres only one pair winner. Missions arent just in the mail, theyre probably the little detours too, but none of the players are told this.

Because shiki (and with some persuasion from neku) is gung-ho about it, they end up being the winners of the game EVEN THOUGH THEY WERENT BEING SERIOUS. No one has ever made joshua laugh as hard as these two have. He asks them if they want to revive as humans or if they want to ascend to reaperhood.

Before shiki says reaperhood, neku punches this sunnuvabitch bc hello??? Shiki??? This guy MURDERED us, or did you forget??? And asks for like, a year with their friends and fam. Since, obvsly, theyre the winners, joshua grants this wish

Okay so shibuya has reaper creeper, but luxborne, being inherently western in culture, use...Ouija boards. Im not kidding.

The scary things that happen in ouija boards are probably just frustrated players trying to write a coherent sentence while a timer ticks away at their hands giving them too much pressure that they flip the fuck out and psych the lights to burn out and explode. It is now tradition to freak those who use the ouija boards,

Players who have used the ouija board now are suitably enraged and partly amused bc oh, they get it now.

Wow im definitely going ona tangent here, i love twewy and the letter okay dont sue me for this

Would @yangyangmobile even want to see this im literally spouting bullshit right now

[bobreynoldsmusic]

Back from our European tour straight into shows with Snarky Puppy, a recording with Yay, and this question. SUBSCRIBE for NEW videos weekly ► http://bit.ly/BobOnYouTube Saxophone Retreat: https://ift.tt/2mPwa1L My Virtual Studio (lessons, courses, community) ►https://ift.tt/2xTlENb ALL the gear I use ►https://ift.tt/2mPrlFA NEW ALBUM — Limited Edition SIGNED CDS ►http://bit.ly/signed_cds 60 bpm T-SHIRT ►http://bit.ly/Bobs60bpmTshirt All my VLOGS ►http://bit.ly/bobvlog Saxophone Practice Book ►http://bit.ly/saxpowerhour Summer Saxophone Retreat ►http://bit.ly/insideoutsideretreatupdates FOLLOW ELSEWHERE https://ift.tt/1TGBFf1 https://ift.tt/2B8u2Ij https://twitter.com/bob_reynolds https://ift.tt/2mfrc0X -------------------------------------------------------------- Bob Reynolds is a Grammy Award-winning tenor saxophonist known for his work with Snarky Puppy, John Mayer, and 9 solo albums. His latest album, Quartet, debuted at #3 on Billboard's Contemporary Jazz charts. He is a D'Addario Woodwinds artist. “A self-assured saxophonist and an unassuming yet effective composer…” NEW YORK TIMES “…Reynolds flexes an assured hand with melding hip-swiveling jazz and funk as a bandleader.” LA TIMES “Some of the freshest, most compelling, and most soulful music I have heard recently. Bob Reynolds is an amazing musician, with something very exciting and original to say.” Joshua Redman, Grammy-nominated saxophonist “Bob is one hell of a saxophonist! His sound is rich and his execution is effortless.” Michael Brecker, Grammy-winning saxophonist LONGER BIO Saxophonist Bob Reynolds is an in-demand jazz performer, educator, and sideman, as well as a regular member of the Grammy Award-winning band Snarky Puppy. Born in Morristown, New Jersey in 1977, Reynolds grew up in Jacksonville, Florida, where he first started playing saxophone at age 13. Although he listened to a range of music as a kid, by his late teens he was a dedicated jazz student. After high school he honed his skills at Boston's Berklee College of Music, where he mentored with George Garzone, Hal Crook, and others. As a leader, he debuted with 2000's The Bob Reynolds Quartet, followed by 2006's Can't Wait for Perfect. That same year, he joined fellow Berklee alum John Mayer's band and spent the next five years with the pop star, touring and appearing on such albums as 2008's Where the Light Is and 2009's Battle Studies. In 2013, he returned to his solo work with Somewhere in Between, which reached number one on digital jazz charts. He then made his Snarky Puppy debut appearing on the genre-bending group's 2014 effort, We Like It Here. Two years later he was back with Snarky Puppy for the Grammy Award-winning Culcha Vulcha. In 2017, Reynolds delivered the EP Guitar Band, which featured appearances from Kneebody bassist Kaveh Rastegar as well as fellow Snarky Puppy members Robert "Sput" Searight (drums) and Mark Lettieri (guitar). ~ Matt Collar by Bob Reynolds

[writers-leir]

soulmate!junhui

it’s been forever i know i’m terrible at this,,,,,,,,and i completely got carried away with this it’s like 3k of messiness i’m sorry (ಥ﹏ಥ)

soulmate!junhui where you have a little bit of each other’s personalities floating around inside you + you can feel the other’s emotions

you’re normally the discreet mom friend

so like you pack extra snacks that are “for you” but it’s actually for that one friend who ALWAYS FORGETS THEIR LUNCH

you’re also lowkey like “ew” when they start play flirting with each other and you

but then sometimes you make a sort of 180 and start flirting back and they’re like !?!?!?!?!?!/?

and then 10 seconds later you’re back to normal like what,,,,,,,,was that,,,,,,,,,,,,,

and it’s just so confusing to both you and your friends because they never know what to expect

eventually they get used to it though

the newer friends you make never know which personality is yours and which is your soulmates

but your older friends are always like LOL when you start flirting with them

once during class you sent one of your newer friends a heart when they turned back to ask you for a pencil and they almost fell out of their chair when you winked after

your friends have started to call you out on your “fanservice” as they call it

joking that your soulmate must be an idol

honestly though you just want to meet your soulmate and stop randomly flirting with your friends (and even the cashier that one time you went to get a midnight snack) ((you stopped going by that store at those times))

and even more

your soulmate always seems so,,,,,,,,,,,,,unnaturally happy

you’ll wake up at 3am tired and you’re all ready to go back to sleep but?????????you suddenly get a huge burst of energy and it’s like wow i’ve never been more awake time to go dance

your best friend once found you in one of the dance studios at 2am and they were like WHAT are you doing you have a test in like seven hours

sometimes you’ll feel a little bit bad for your soulmate because you feel like you’re always being negative

but at the same time you can’t help it if your professor gave you three chapters to read for the next day plus a test to study for and a presentation in a different class

junhui doesn’t mind though

he notices that you have those reALLY bad days and he tries extra hard to be super happy and excited because he knows that could pass on to you

although he wishes you could be a bit less,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,��egh” about fanservice because it’s his JOB and he would like to KEEP IT thank you very much

they’ve had to redo a few of their practice videos and edit some of out a few parts from them because he suddenly seemed to hate fanservice

seungcheol joked about him never being able to meet his soulmate because they apparently hate fanservice (so the chances of them going to a fanmeet were minuscule) and junhui’s heart SHATTERed

and it’s frustrating for both of you because you really want to meet each other but,,,,,,,you can’t communicate

sometimes you’ll be able to feel the other’s emotions but other than that you’re both in the dark

one time you tried to send junhui an emotion that was a mix between longing and frustration to see if he could respond to it

but all he got from that was you being sad

and in turn all you got back was him being heartbroken because he thought you were sad and you were like askdjghljkSDGHAKDG NO W AIT i’ve made a huge mistake

it was a mess of emotions for a few minutes until you decided to go against your values and send him love

and he was like KSJAGSKLDGksjhagsd my sOULmate!!!!!!!! just sent me love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you couldn’t sleep for the next two hours because junhui would NOT stop gushing about it to his friends and you could FEEL HIS EXCITEMENT AND HAPPINESS and maybe you should send him some more love if this is what the result was

ANYWAYS

believe it or not you’re actually a pretty big fan of seventeen

your friends ship you with junhui (oh wow look at that coincidence) because you’re both like the mom friend,,,,,,,and because they think that all the fanservice will be so cute if it’s directed to you

but your bias actually isn’t junhui lmao,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

it’s woozi

(and no it’s not JUST because of that one time he almost killed mingyu with a guitar,,,,,,,,,although that did play a pretty big role)

when your friends and you went to buy the new album and you got seokmin and they got woozi you were like!!!!!!!!!your favorite is seokmin right let’s trade

you love all 13 members equally (honestly who DOESN’T) but woozi holds a special place in your heart

but recently,,,,,,,,you’ve started to notice junhui a little bit more

like there’s SOMETHING about him that catches your attention

maybe,,,,,just maybe it was that one time when you were watching a v live and when soonyoung decided to try and do aegyo and you cringed,,,,,,,,,and you swear you saw junhui cringe too but it went by too fast to really notice anything

but then again most of the other 12 cringed too so you might’ve just been seeing things

and of course one day your friend goes like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!they’re having a fanmeet we should go!!!!!!!!!!!!

(i actually have no idea how fanmeets go i am sorry,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,)

on the day of though you’re super excited because a chance to meet woozi face to face???? yes

and oh wow how funny is it that junhui and woozi happened to be seated right next to each other,,,,,,,with junhui at the end (((((((((:

your friend is in front of you so you get to see their super excited face when they meet their bias and they’re like,,,,,,,,,,,aksdhgalsjdghiJSDGHASKDG and you’re just like lol what a dork

so you meet each of them and ask them how they’re doing and stuff

(and you manage to hold a decent conversation in english with joshua and vernon!!! how exciting!!!!!)

you get to jihoon and you’re like aksghaskldgdskLHGA why is he so pretty

your friend would have made fun of you right then and there if they wasn’t in the middle of a conversation with junhui

when you get to junhui though you’re still super hyped from meeting your bias

and then suddenly it’s like????????????you have a rush of emotion

and junhui obviously is going through the same experience since he’s your soulmate

but he composes himself and smiles and goes like hi!!!!!!!!!!!! and you’re like w h y is my heart suddenly beating so fast

and like clearly there’s a connection between you two but you’re both still very clueless about being each other’s soulmates

until after the fanmeet and you look in your album and wHO WROTE THEIR NUMBER IN IT

it’s not even like under a specific message from any of the members

it’s frickin right smack on the inside of the back cover

you send it a text like “who are you?”

which results in a slightly paniCKy “who are you????????????” back

and it’s in english so you’re like ??????????? what

and you’re typing back like “did you not write this number in my album what”

you don’t get a reply back until like ten minutes later (and this time it’s in korean)

“i’m junhui. from seventeen”

and at first you’re like LOL nice try buddy

and then they send you a photo and it’s actually junhui with joshua in the background

they attach a message with the photo that says “joshua had my phone just now so that’s why the first message was in english”

but you’re still like no? literally you can find a photo like that anywhere????

and the person sends you a message back that’s like pLS BELIEVE ME

but you’re just like d u d e no

and obviously because it actually is wen junhui and you just DON’T BELIEVE HIM

he has to facetime you

and you’re like aksdjhgkljHDSGASKLGD but okay if you’re that desperate to be proven wrong

but then you see the screen and it’s?????????wen junhui??????????in the flesh??? (not really but like it actually is him)

you fall off your couch because oh m y GOD that was actually wen junhui w H AT

and junhui kind of lets out this horrified scream because all he saw was you disappearing from the screen and then the phone shaking until it landed on the ground,,,,,,,,,and now all he sees is the ceiling of your apartment

and of course joshua’s in the room too so he’s like ?!??!?!??!!?are you ok a y

you finally pick up the phone and you’re like w h a t is this am i dreaming

and joshua sees you too so he’s like oh!!! that’s the person with the super cute bag this afternoon at the fanmeet!!!!!

and junhui’s like yes that is indeed the person,,,,,,,,aka my soulmate

and both you and joshua are like,,,,,,,,,what,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,did he just say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,?!!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!??

joshua reacts first though and he’s like !!!!!!! i gotta tell the others this is such a great thing yay!!!!!!!! and basically being the angel he is while congratulating junhui and then leaving

and you’re still sitting on the floor like b o y you better not be trying to prank me because i swe a r

but junhui’s just smiling that super cute smile and then he goes “don’t you notice that you don’t feel any more of your soulmate’s emotions??? and honestly i kept giving fans fanservice for like 20 minutes after we met and i never felt the need to cringe”

and you’re like now that you say that,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you may be right,,,,,,,,,

and of COURSE he’s junhui

so he adds on a little something

“also because i totally felt my heart speeding up when i saw you”

and you’re cringing like OK LET’S STOP THERE but also same

unfortunately he’s an idol so he has stuff to do so he’s like i’ll text you!!!!!!!!!!! we have a break in a few days so we can go on a date then!!!!! and you’re like kasldhjglkGHALSKGD O K THEN

he hangs up right as your friend comes in (and as the rest of seventeen barges into the room)

and you don’t wanna tell your friend anything yet so you make up a dumb excuse about why you were sitting on the ground and they shrug it off like ok

but junhui can’t get away that easily lmao

the members are like !!!!!!!!!!!!!joshua told us that your soulmate is that fan with the really cute bag from the afternoon

and he’s just like yes that is my soulmate :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

the excitement kind of dies down after like a week of not hearing from him

and you’re starting to believe it was a dream because????????what kind of luck would you have to have to get wen junhui as your soulmate

and then two days later at like 3am your phone starts ringing

and your roommate is like turn that OFF PLEASE i have a lecture in four hours

you decide to leave the room to answer it

and guess who

(((((((((((((:

it’s junhui

and you’re like junHUI WHY would you facetime me i look disgusting

but he’s just like noOoOOooo you look cute especially that little line of drool on the right side of your mouth

and you’re just like IM HANGING UP and he’s like WAIT NO

you notice that he’s outside and you’re like ??????what are you doing outside at 3 in the morning aren’t you gonna get in trouble

and he’s just like LOL i was gonna go pick you up but i totally forgot to ask where you live,,,,,,,,,,so can you please come meet me i’m at the park by the mall

and you’re like??????????????wen junhui that is literally 30 minutes from my apartment

and he looks so heartbroken because he totally did not think about what might happen if you did live far

and you’re just like BUT you know what i don’t have classes tomorrow lemme go get my hoodie real quick

and he’s like noooo!!!!! tell me where you live i’ll go pick you up it’s too dangerous for you to walk alone

and you’re just like junhui p l e a s e you’ll get lost it’s fine i have my keys

he’s still frowning because he,,,,,,,,,,,,really doesn’t want you to be walking such a long distance so late but you’re just like it’s okay!!!!!!!! if it makes you feel better i’ll stay on call with you

he’s still ))))): but ok,,,,,,let’s do that

you get to the park in record time because you ran + took a shortcut

once you get there you see one person sitting on the park bench and he’s wearing a black hoodie and you’re like 90% sure it’s junhui

you tell him to turn his head

and you see the black hoodie person look around and you’re like !!!!!!!!!yes that’s him i see you!!!!!!!!!!!

he’s wearing sunglasses and a mask though and you’re just like junhui,,,,,,,,,,it’s 3am i get that you don’t want to be seen but really,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the sunglasses,,,,,,,,can go,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

you can tell he’s grinning though through the mask and you’re just like what are you grinning at ( ≖.≖)

“i have the cutest soulmate ever askdghasdkljg”

and you’re just like j u N HUI PLEASE

he’d be gushing about how cute you are because you left the apartment wearing your pyjama pants and an oversized hoodie

honestly you probably look like a mess on legs but he’d still be all askdgkjlsDHGASLKDG over you because!!!!!!!!!!!he seriously does have the cutest soulmate

that’s kind of how your first date goes tbh

you just walk around the empty streets chatting

and then when you walk him back he’s like ))))): i should be walking you back ))))): and you’re just like it’s o k i’m gonna take the bus it’s almost 6am anyways

when you get back to your apartment your roommate is like ????????where were you?????????

and you’re just like l m a o i was on a date with my soulmate

and they’re just like !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ʕ •̀ ω •́ ʔ tell me but you’re like LOL no you have a lecture to attend go get ready

junhui messages you soon after saying that he got a 10 minute lecture from seungcheol about staying out so late

and you were like you should have pLANned this better you dork

“i’m your dork though”

“JUNHUI IT’S 6AM”

“(♡ˊ͈ ॢ꒳ ॢˋ͈)♡”

“ily too,,,,,,,,,,,dork”

you’re literally just about to go back to sleep when,,,,,,,,your phone starts ringing,,,,and you’re like wEN junhui please let me sleep;;;;;;;;;

but when you open the message it’s a picture of him with mingyu in the background holding up a peace sign

and the message attached says “i know you’re probably really tired, so i’ll message you later tonight,,,,sleep well!!!!!!! (ps. mingyu says hi & he wants to know where you got your bag bUT YOU DON’T have to reply right now!!!!!) dream about me ( ˘ ³˘)♡”

and you’re just like he’s,,,,,,,,really cute aksdghjalksdfhdaskg and you message him back and say ok and that you’ll call him later in the afternoon and he’s like OK!!!!!but go sleep,,,,i’ll feel bad if you feel tired later ))))))))):

to be very honest junhui might forget to message you sometimes

he tries to call you every night if he has time (or at least send you a message saying he’s alive and well and will call you the next night)

but he does,,,,,,,,forget

and you don’t worry very much because you kNOW he probably just left his phone on the table and went to bother minghao or someone

coincidentally whenever you see him and his groupmates you’re wearing the bag that you wore to the first fanmeet

and every single time mingyu sees it he’s like!!!!!!!!!!!!where did you get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(you end up buying him one for his birthday and he almost hugged you to death before junhui was like that’s MY soulmate >:( no hugging them to death!!!!!that’s my job)

junhui still flirts with you though

you could be married 10+ years with 3 kids and he’ll still flirt with you

at 80 years he’ll probably still be like “do you have a bandaid? because i scraped my knee falling for you” and you’re just like S T O P

and a lot of times you don’t know if you’re dating junhui or if he’s dating his groupmates

but then you go visit them for movie night or something and they’re all like ewwww get a rOOM and junhui’s like OK and you’re just like wait what no junhui i’m not making out with you with your groupmates in the next room

he’s a super great boyfriend though

LOVES to cuddle okay

he either clings to you and doesn’t let go or waits for you to get clingy to tease you about it

there’s no in between

buys you little things he sees at street markets that reminds him of you

and ALWAYS talks about visiting his family with you and you’re just like i would,,,,,,,,very much like that yes

he sometimes starts planning things super in detail

example: when you said that you’d like to travel around china he literally,,,,,pulled out his phone and started searching for plane tickets and you were like JUNHUI YOU’RE PREPARING FOR A COMEBACK

boy just wants to show you his home country (even if you are from there,,,,,,,he’s gonna be so excited aksdhfaklsdf cute)

he’ll also absolutely LOVE IT if you learned mandarin or cantonese just so he can talk in his mother tongue, he’ll even help you honestly. and if you already speak either? wow look at that junhui’s complete heart eyes whenever you speak it

he has such a huge heart please treasure him a lot;;;;;;;

[ask-svt-hearteu]

jealous! Wonwoo

@123hongkong-blog requested: “Hey there☺️❣️please may I request a jealous wonwoo sort of headcannon, similar to the one u did for woozi☺️? This is my first time ever requesting and I just wanted to say I love ur blog!😍😊thanks so much in advance❤️”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1401

A/N: Sorry it took so long and TYSM AHH OUR HEARTS! hope you enjoy! This was difficult lmao and I suck at everything okie lesgoooo

Wonwoo and you had been dating for about a year

there was something about him that never failed to make your heart flutter

never failed to put a smile on your face

never failed to make you thank your lucky stars that you had such an amazing person by your side

sure, it had been really rough at first

while you had been sort of close friends with all of svt, since you had gone to the Seoul School of performing arts with some of the members, including Wonwoo

with varying levels of friendly intimacy

Wonwoo had always been politely reserved and shied away from too many interactions with you

the others told you that's just how he was

he needed time to warm up to people

and you were ok with that

after all you hadn't expected to fall head-over-heels at the time

svt was often busy anyway

and you didn't hang out with them that often

and you knew how shy Wonwoo could be

so it didn't really bother you at first

you don't know at exactly what point you started crushing on him

maybe it was when you first saw the cutest puppy in the world walk up to Wonwoo

and the person who originally could look cold and intimidating

well he jumped back about five feet and ran to hide behind a tree with the puppy confused but endearingly following after him

you had spent a good minute laughing before you realized Wonwoo must be scared of the fluffball that was that puppy

so you walked up to the puppy, pet it and carried it in your arms, a safe distance away from Wonwoo

"Thanks." he said sighing in relief

he smiled at you

and you thought damn he looks hella cute when he's smiling

and the both of you walked off to find the puppy's family

or maybe it was when you ran into him at the bookstore

Joshua had been there too a couple of rows down, talking with Jun over some book he read recently

but you hadn't seen them yet

Wonwoo saw you first and actually walked up to say hello

which you thought was incredibly adorable and yay for making progress in your convos with the guy

and you noticed the book he was holding in his hand

"Oh you're reading that book? I loved it, the juxtaposition of the two main characters and the way the author weaves the story outside of what we commonly accept as reality, it was an amazing read."

maybe he started falling for you slowly

maybe you fell for him slowly

but the discussion over the basic elements of a book you two loved

a conversation that was passionate and intellectual

that's all you needed to start with

apparently Wonwoo isn't good with hiding his emotions around Svt

because the next time you join them for some video games

"Y/n, Wonwoo hyung just won't shut up about you. Don't get us wrong we love you and everything but please just date the guy already so we don't have to hear him debating how to ask you out five hundred million ways while pacing the living room."

suffice to say Mingyu could have died that night

from the looks Wonwoo was shooting him

but luckily for Mingyu all of svt safely escaped into the other rooms, dragging Mingyu with them leaving you and Wonwoo alone - the both of you blushing furiously

you're kind of just in disbelief

because you had told Mingyu about your crush on Wonwoo

and you were worried that Mingyu had just said that to tease you

but Wonwoo took a deep breath and looked at you

"He wasn't lying, well the five hundred million part was exaggerated, but the rest. . ."

he trailed off looking at a spot on the ceiling not meeting your eyes

you both talked about what you wanted to do

and he asked you out officially

and things had always worked well from there

he was mature and dorky at the same time

which balanced with your personality well

he was never really jealous before, or from what you could see - or at least, he never made it obvious to you

until

you both went out for lunch one day and the male server kept giving you a huge smile

and you're like, chill they're really nice

but Wonwoo. . . well, he squirmed a bit in his seat

he told himself to calm down and that perhaps the male server was just being nice

but then the male server complimented your outfit

and gave you dessert, on the house

right in front of Wonwoo

and yes, he's pretty calm and quiet about it

he trusts you

but for Wonwoo that day, that was strike one

when you walked along the street with your hand in Wonwoo's hand

a couple of guys at the convenience store on the corner catcalled you

you glanced quickly at Wonwoo and held his hand tighter

he had his lips pressed together and he was staring straight ahead

strike two

"Hey they're drunk." you said tugging a bit on his sleeve to get him to look at you

it's not that Wonwoo had never dealt with stuff like this

to him, he could see why

you were beautiful

and he felt kind of inadequate sometimes

he just loved you so, so much

"Yea lucky for them." He said with a smile and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek

but you could see he was still a bit bothered

his grip on your hand tightened a bit and your pace had to quicken to keep up with his

when you both got back to the dorms

you both sat down at the table and just sat there in silence

you occasionally sneaking looks at him to see if he was okay

he didn't say anything and his face was emotionless

your phone pings, indicating a text

you pick it up to read

"Who is it?"

what bad timing

it's one of your closest friends

he went to the same school you, Wonwoo, and Seungcheol went to

he was asking if you and Seungcheol wanted to catch a movie since he was back in town

he didn't know Wonwoo all that well which is probably why he didn't invite him

even though he knew you two were dating

probably an accident on your close friend's part

but that was strike three

Wonwoo stood up abruptly from the table

acting a bit flustered, he rubbed the back of his neck and muttered something you couldn't hear

"What did you say?" You ask standing up out of your seat also and reaching for his hand

he backs up a bit, and immediately regrets it seeing the small look of hurt you give him

you bring your arm back down to your side

"Y/n I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I just . . ."

you folded your arms across your chest, hugging yourself to prevent yourself from looking too hurt

"Lately, I have this weird feeling in my chest." Wonwoo starts whispering

"And I talked to some of the other members about it. It's kind of a burning here." he says pointing at the spot on his chest above his heart

"and I've been thinking about you non-stop, I know we're dating and you know that I love you, but back there I really wanted to punch those guys at the store and hold you in my arms and never let go. And wipe that slimy smile off that server's face, just because he's decently good looking. And I wish I could be better for you..."

you stare down at your toes

"And Seungcheol and them are fun and more outgoing, I seem kind of boring don't I? I guess I'm jealous. "

you finally look up to meet his eyes

and you feel yourself tearing up

"Wonwoo, I love you so much too."

he freezes and looks at you searching your face

"You're not boring, you're so handsome, and mature and amazing and everything. I'm glad you didn't punch them, you can compose yourself so well, and you're smart and incredibly talented. If anyone should feel inadequate, it's me."

"What the heck? No y/n." He says taking you into his arms

"we're meant for each other." you start saying laughing into his chest

"because I'd never want anyone else."

MASTERLIST

[mikaelarobertscollective]

Week 4

This has been a shit show week (for lack of a better term, but also sums it up really well).

Me:

Richard Grant | Collaboration with Krystal

Monday we received feedback that really focussed on the flow and juxtaposition of the visuals. The question was how the audio can continue to build and increase attention throughout. Shaun and Darrin both spoke to ‘Soviet Montage’ and how the juxtaposition on two images can create a new meaning, and how this could be an interesting take on the project. When researching further, there where a variety of different styles within soviet montage, but the overall idea was to take two completely different objects and create a new meaning. In a video essay I watched,  they used the example of an image of a man then cut to a bowl of soup = hunger. But then use the same image of the man followed by a lady laying on a couch seductively = lust. I can see how this could have been a very interesting take on this project, however later in the week Krystal decided to take a different approach to the footage entirely. See below a sketch:

This meant changing focus. I think with the new idea I don’t know if I’m going to be able to build the music concrete piece like I was hoping, or not in the way I first considered, due to the repetitive nature of the piece. I’m still going to attempt to do it, but shift my focus slightly. Due to this, I ended up contacted James Harris from last semester’s audiovision class, and spoke to him about a project he worked on that looked at different frequencies and how these can relate to different shape and space. He also sent through his essay that helped to explain this theory in more depth. This got me thinking about how I could play with the juxtaposition of shape and colour in the Richard Grant videos. As you can see below in a new test video, I’ve attempted to use different frequencies of noise to relate to the different shapes, so the more organic imagery has lower frequencies and the sharper images have a higher frequencies. I then added a saw wave to match the red. I do want to look further into colour theory and see what wave forms will work best with red. But in relation to Krystal’s idea, and looking to keep attention, I’m thinking that as the images split more, the frequency gets higher in pitch and get layered, therefore playing with the space and the sound. I’ll have to wait until Krystal gives me a bit more footage to work with, but I think this might work. My only concern is the stagnant nature of using white noise and if it’s just going to be exceptionally dull.

Note: After all this work, I got an email from Krystal late Saturday afternoon saying she had changed her mind again completely! I understand collaborations are hard, but how does one emphasise the need to communicate and the importance of sharing. Just feels like I’ve been railroaded and I’m just a token sound designer who’s just told to slap on a track. So this was meltdown two of the week! YAY!

Me:

CrashCourse 2017, Soviet Montage: Crash Course Film History #8, YouTube, viewed 12 August 2020, <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RtBAa4YCgo>  

Lindborg, PerMagnus, and Friberg, Anders K. "Colour Association with Music Is Mediated by Emotion: Evidence from an Experiment Using a CIE Lab Interface and Interviews." PLoS ONE 10.12 (2015): E0144013. Web.

Peterson, Joshua, and Stephen Palmer. "Emotion Mediation in Audio-visual Correspondences among Natural Sounds, Texture, and Art." Journal of Vision 15.12 (2015): 855. Web.

Caivano, Jose. (1994). Color and Sound: Physical and Psychophysical Relations. Color Research and Application. 19. 126-133. 10.1111/j.1520-6378.1994.tb00072.x.  

Lewis, James W, Jochen Kaiser, and Marcus Johannes Naumer. "Audio-Visual Perception of Everyday Natural Objects – Hemodynamic Studies in Humans." Multisensory Object Perception in the Primate Brain . New York, NY: Springer New York, 2010. 155-90. Web.

ACMI | Collaboration with Putri

My first meltdown of the week goes to my ACMI collaboration.

Me:

Following Monday’s feedback I completely understand the need for some form of structure. Going into feedback I knew there wasn’t much to run on and early days in the collaboration didn’t give me much. But this still feels the same now. Although Putri has given me her concept/story: “good things in life and being young at heart”, I’m still very much confused and STRESSED, about where to take this. She did a demo video to a piece by Kyle Nixon and Michael Stein (Stranger Things), and with her request for something abstract I’m thinking we can run with a Kraftwerk and S U R V I V E tonality. My major meltdown has come into play with not know what the hell I’m doing or where to start, when it comes to composing. I think this stress comes from my massive fail last semester in my attempt to compose, and now this anxiety is festering with this project. But after emailing Darrin, he suggested playing around with samples from abelton and noiiz and also putting some Kraftwerk to Putri’s visuals. At least this will give me a sense of BPM and also a start.

I also watched a video interview with Kyle Nixon and Michael Stein, which just explored the creation of their score for Stranger Things, and the big thing I took from them was finding themes within the video and keeping that as rules and boundaries. They also spoke about the differences they gave between high energy moments, which uses more atonal pads and percussive hits, and mysterious moments, which used more ambient tones.  

Vanity Fair, 2018, Stranger Things Composers Break Down the Show's Music | Vanity Fair, YouTube, viewed 18 August 2020 <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIrBQim8dzk>

MTC - The Turn of The Screw | Collaboration with Me, Myself and I.

Oh boy, speaking of mental health… let’s dive into paranoia.

Below is a test to see where I could take things (see MTC - The Turn of the Screw test)

“A psychotic disturbance characterized by isolation from and suspicion of others and, in more severe forms, delusions of persecution and/or grandeur not amenable to reason and often resistant to all forms of psychiatric treatment.”

John M. Last ; Miquel Porta. (2018). paranoia (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press.

Zoja, Luigi, author, & Hunt, Jonathan. (2017). Paranoia : the madness that makes history. Routledge.

My biggest quest is to find a tonal palette for this piece. I want my piece to feel like a thread. How it catches and you think, “I’ll just pull a little bit” then its unstoppable. How the thread itself is an element, but the garment that it is held together is an element itself. So I’ve started looking at building the musical/tonal foundation with different wind SFX and seeing how another musical gesture (SFX of radio static, clock and pulling gestural noises) can introduce the unravelling and play with how to two intertwine.So far its just sounding little messy. I think I need to play with pauses and a bit more silence.

As I feel like my piece with Krystal is going down the shitter (or at least not going to way I was hoping), I think I might take the opportunity to do music concrete with this piece instead. I think it lends itself to this style more, as it allows you to play with pauses and the unknown… like what sound will happen next… and also allows one to sculpt something more experimental. I also want it to feel like the apprehension engine (RIP that I can’t use the RMIT one)… how it creates this strange uncharacteristic unknown. I want the to audience to feel on edge too, like the are feeling or witnessing a moment of paranoia. My ideas remind me of Thembi Soddell’s work, more specifically her “Love Songs” (2018). There is this pain and horror in the work, and this pure intensity. I’d like to achieve something like this.

I know I need to get my butt into gear with this one, because I’d like to have it somewhat completed before I start procedural worlds, which gives me two weeks.

Soddell T 2018, ‘Love Songs (2018), Thembi Soddell, viewed 15 August 2020 <https://thembisoddell.com/love-songs-2018>

[rosebudburned]

Fuck the millennial church

I saw one of those "Why are millennials leaving the church?" articles on my Facebook feed again (because that's what you get for having spent your past life in Christian communities) and so felt compelled to offer my dime (yes, a whole DIME) on the matter. Not that my thoughts and feelings *actually* matter, as they haven't really mattered in any millennial-based Christian community for YEARS, but as all my Tumblr writings go, this is actually just free therapy for me.

Sure, yes, millennials are leaving the church for all the reasons that Relevant Magazine (aka the Christian Thought Catalog) have probably listed in their archives: the antiquated values, lack of political, social, and cultural progressiveness, cliquey-ness, lack of a social justice message in trying times, and so on. Those are all good and real reasons, and the church can certainly improve on all of them.

But the problem with all these articles is that they are written by people who are happily Christian. The only people who think seriously about the topic of bringing more young people to church and are compelled to write Internet think pieces about it are the people who believe the church can improve a young person's life. And that may very well be true! Or, it could trigger a lifetime of psychological trauma. You just got to be lucky.

So many of the articles miss the point. And the point is, Christians who work with young people (in some capacity) and their millennial counterparts are the fucking worst. I'm sorry, but it just had to be said. Yes, I understand it's a generalization, but nearly all millennial Christians are at least six degrees away from this sad fact. The Millennial Christian Church Community is a horrifying, project-based landscape that glorifies hierarchy, reputation, and validation.

I was first introduced to this culture in high school via a church youth group. During junior year of high school, I was struggling academically and socially and felt depressed all the time (nothing changed, yay!), so my mom, after a pleasant conversation with the youth pastor, thought it'd be a good idea to get me plugged in. I joined the youth group, was not very social within the group (I *hate* church games), and got a few new Facebook friends.

That said, I did develop a personal relationship with the youth pastor. We'd hang out one-on-one and chat, and it was nice to talk to a person who was too young to be a parent but old enough to be an adult about my issues and ask a few of my spiritual questions. I really valued our friendship, so it was heartbreaking that, once I moved to Davis, I saw her post on our youth group's worship leader's Facebook wall that she was visiting Davis and wanted to hang out. For MONTHS, I kept trying to figure out why she didn't reach out to me. Did she forget that I also attended? Did she not like me as much? I think the definitive answer is that, at the end of the day, someone who was a high school youth group worship leader has so much more spiritual potential than the girl who barely said anything in youth group. I get it. Well, the last time I checked, he joined a fraternity and was smoking a joint in his Facebook profile picture. So much for the good ol' Christian discipleship. I know that sounded a bit vindictive, but I can't HELP but note that the guy was no longer the model Christian. Yes, I'm petty.

As time went on, the youth pastor and I did hang out whenever I was home. I tried not to take the incident so personally.  I volunteered at her church plant's summer retreat one year in college. When I became employed, her church plant was one of the first few organizations I wanted to tithe to. I believed in what she was doing. I was even invited to her wedding. I wanted to feel validated by her because it would have meant I was validated by someone I (and other people) deemed as spiritually significant.

A few months later, I texted her about all my silly relationship issues, which is well-documented on this blog. She called me. I cried for 20 minutes because I was so miserable. We talked. She invited me over to her new house and we had lunch with her new husband. She recommended that I read Joshua Harris's Boy Meets Girl and told me that she'll check in on me in three months. I bought the book off of Amazon and opened the book up to a page where the writer seemed to be slut shaming women*, so I didn't bother to read it.  She never checked in on me. I went on living a life that Joshua Harris would have undoubtedly slut shamed, but I went about that life in a much wiser fashion.

Months later now, it's her wedding anniversary. And somehow, she's found the time to post retrospectives on Facebook, but not, I don't know, shoot me a text and ask if I've read the book she told me she'd hold me accountable to read. THIS is the reason why I don't believe in the millennial church. It's full of false accountability for people they don't mind falling through the cracks. It's a very "let me know" culture when you're not perceived as the next charismatic big thing. I am a fucking depressed human. Why would I ever want to reach out to you? Why would I even be charismatic? I often feel neglected. I want to be reached out to. I want people to initiate with me. I want people to give a shit about me. Sure, that's selfish, but it's like, I can't even get a text that takes about five seconds to compose, but all her Facebook followers get 50,000 posts about her one-year wedding anniversary.

Look, I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole. I know I was lucky that she picked up the phone when I texted, meaning that I had someone to talk to in a time of emotional crisis. But it sounded like she just happened to have some free time, and why not? I know I can call her, but that’s beside the point. And it’s funny, because most people who defend the actions of the Millennial Christian Church always end up telling you that all that really matters is God, BUT they also encourage you to be part of a Christian community. I tried the latter, and it sucked. For years, I've felt like I wasn't worth investing in as part of the Millennial Christian Church. I spent most of my college career in a Christian fellowship that didn't provide me any serious guidance or disciplining or anything that would have made me feel like I was part of a spiritually nutritious Christian community. I've honestly just felt ignored because I wasn’t worth the time. The Millennial Christian Church had a "type" (cheerful, charismatic, attention whoring), in the same way that all the guys in my freshman year dorm floor had a "type" (thin, white, blond). I wasn't their type, so it felt like the Millennial Christian Church just wanted me to fuck off.

So fuck off, I did.

*I have a low tolerance for white male writers who warn women that she shouldn't get ~intimate~ with guys and it's somehow the woman's fault if she gets hurt by the guy. The guy (or girl!) who hurt you is an asshole. That's all you need to believe in, and all you need to know. You're not dumb if someone hurt you. They are BAD PEOPLE and we need to STOP teaching young women (or young men!) that "they should've known better" or they are "too sensitive" or they "took things too seriously." That is all bullshit. If we continue blaming people who are hurt/got hurt for being hurt, we are creating an unempathetic space. I went through MONTHS believing that I was stupid, and people told me I was taking things too personally and that the people who ghosted me weren't actually bad people, but you know what: They ARE bad people. They are dishonest. They are hurtful. They caused me MONTHS of pain, and are causing me, what could be YEARS of depression-induced paranoia and anxiety. They could have been kind and compassionate, but they weren't.  They are bad people. They can go to hell. And yeah, I feel better for getting to a point in my life where I can say all of this. It makes me feel like I've forgiven myself.