#consent chooselove avoidtoxicrelationships healthydynamics polylife relationshipadvice

[thekinkybarista-blog]

How to avoid toxic relationships...

I attend a poly discussion group every second Tuesday of the month for the community in the city that I live in. Gathering with like minded people is always refreshing and I leave every month with so many thoughts going through my head. Last discussion focused on how to avoid toxicity in poly relationships but the advice can apply to any relationship.

In this group I share a lot about my relationships and how they are formed and maintained. One of my biggest points is always have an actionable exit strategy. I see entirely too many people who stay in their relationships because they have to due to financial or social commitments. My husband and I have structured our relationship so that if either of us or both of us ever decided that our relationship had come to an end, we could leave it. It would be emotional AF but neither of us would be broke or homeless, which are the biggest reasons people I know have stayed in relationships way past their natural end. Yes my husband and i have pets and children, yes we have mutual friends and relationships that we have spent the past six years cultivating in to the amazing things that they are today, but we are adults and realize that sometimes relationships evolve in a direction that results in a different dynamic. I loved him and he loved me before we got married, we were friends first, I wanted to build our relationship so that if the physical and emotional status of it changed that we could return to the friendship that is the foundation of what we are. We are both incredibly nerdy geeky goofy people and in my adult life, I have not met enough people to be okay with letting friendships like the one that I developed with him go. Make sure that when you are building your dynamic that you are choosing to be in the relationship, for the sake of the relationship and not for financial or housing stability. Love for the sake of love and not with ulterior motives and you will find the toxicity in your life dissolving, you will find that you are truly enjoying your partnership because you choose it, you don’t need it or depend on it, nurturing and participating in it is a consensual activity that you choose to participate in every day.