#cw: forced hrt

[ipso-faculty]

Proposing some intersex gender modality & transition terms

So there are a whole bunch of different ways that intersex people can be/identify as trans. I've been thinking about what names would be useful for articulating these differences and in this post I'll list what I've got so far. 🧑‍🔬

I'm hoping to get feedback on these, so if you have feedback let me know! 💛 I expect to edit this post, to incorporate feedback and further ideas.

CW: mention of IGM and forced HRT

Types of transitions

Distransition: a medical transition forced upon an intersex person, such as through IGM or forced HRT. Dis- to indicate the negative aspect of the transition being coercive, as well as to connote disability since this process is so frequently traumatic and/or disability-causing. In disability studies language it's a form of debility (disability caused through systemic violence).

Mistransition: a distransition (forced transition) that is not in alignment with a person's gender identity. Mis- to indicate the incorrectness of the alignment as well as to maintain a negative connotation because this is a coercive transition.

Entransition: a consensual transition done by an intersex person. Contrast to distransition. En- acts as an opposite to dis- and also to me indicates a level of intent (e.g. envision, enact, enliven). It also serves to indicate that transition is different for intersex bodies than for perisex bodies.

Retransition: an entransition done by an intersex person who previously had been distransitioned. I.e. when an intersex person does a second transition to undo, alter, or improve a forced transition. Re- to indicate a second transition, but also that it's a revision of the first one. EDIT #1: This term is not intersex exclusive, and may also be used by perisex trans people who have transitioned multiple times. EDIT #2: For an intersex-exclusive version, I suggest "re-entransition", combining re- and en-.

Retrotransition: a retransition that is done to undo the effects of forced transition. So an intersex person who, after being forced into a binary gender, then transitions their body towards a best approximation of what their body's natural state would have been without forced transition. Retro- for backwards to indicate undoing that is worth differentiating from detransitioning.

Laterotransition: a retransition done by an intersex person to a gender that is neither the gender externally imposed by a distransition nor what their body's "natural state" would be. For example, an AFAB AIS person who was coercively transitioned female, who then later transitioned male. Latero- as contrast to retro- (latero- is to the side, antero- is forward) as well as to indicate the turn away from the path set forth externally by parents/doctors.

Anterotransition: a retransition done by an intersex person that continues the direction set forth by previous forced transition. So additional transitioning done by somebody whose gender is in alignment with what was externally imposed. While this will probably be somebody's AGAB, it doesn't have to be - some times intersex people are forcibly transitioned to a different gender than their AGAB.

All of these transitions would have an analogous gender modality. So an entransgender person is somebody who has/is undergoing/intends to entransition. And a retrotransgender person likewise has/is undergoing/intends to retrotransition.

I see distransition and mistransition as potentially useful for intersex people talking about trauma and structural intersexism. I think entransition might be useful for talking about how being intersex and transitioning is frequently different than for perisex people, especially if it is a retransition. And perhaps distransition and anterotransition may be of use to exparium folks.

Personally: I was distransitioned as an adolescent and have recently started a process of medically retrotransitioning.

Feedback welcome! A list of revisions will go at the bottom of this post. Will make flags for terms once I feel satisfied with them.

Edits

2024-01-16: I've been informed by @chipbutbetter that retrans is already used by some perisex folks with complicated transition patterns, so I have edited to say this term should not be intersex exclusive. Thanks! 🏳️‍⚧️

2024-01-16: thought about an intersex-specific version of retransition and landed on "re-entransition". A little awkward but combines both retransition and entransition! Flexible on whether to include a hyphen (reentransition).

[trekmascing]

You got/will get those scars in a knife fight, after all ;)

[artisiumstudios]

based off this post about Transfem Stan in the Loony Bin

CW for nudity undercut!

But anyways I feel before being thrown in there she was able to actually start on estrogen causing some breast growth (yay Stan!), Like yes maybe mentally she wasn't doing great-- not to mention she had a horrible living situation-- but for the first time in her life she felt comfortable in her own body not her mind but thats nothing new.

Unfortunately once she got locked up there, she wasn't able to continue HRT, her breasts became smaller (yes thats actually possible) and voice once again was deeper. She lost weight inside the facility (both due the abuse she faced and how she outright refused to eat too). Now the drawing below (the nude one can be taken as be just using a random drawing reference (which is what it was originally before thinking hmmm transfem stan) for practice, and if you want angst;

TW DONT READ THE NEXT PART IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IMPLICATIONS OF SA or SEXUAL HARRASMENT

What if for art therapy they would force her to strip for the other patients as a drawing model, just showcasing all of her insecurities and worsening her mental health causing this chain reaction of her getting more depress and thus having to stay there for longer. (how they would force her im not to sure but they would.

OKAY ANGSTY PART OVER

anyways i did try to draw some stretch marks and body hair on her (honestly im not even too sure that you can tell the difference) but im really proud of this.

also the silver lining to this whole this is that at least they never made her cut off her hair

and her big brothers (yes plural) come save her.

[transbianmuffin]

Memories pt. 3

cw manipulation but we all know she wants to be a pet, also two queer flirting and a hint of gaslighting

********

this thing is huge, and it's almost nonsensical, so much complexity so incredibly decorated so alienating?

"This is...incredible..."

"This, dear, is Opicala. The main Affini ship overseeing Jupiter."

"How? How? It's..."

"Huge? Fantastic? I know you tend to struggle with words." "Majestic!" "Haha, yes majestic is a nice one to describe it." "..." "I know, I know, most of sophonts don't comprehend the grandeur of Affini's architecture." wait those two affini have people? on a leash? what the hell? I've heard about domestication but I thought it was mostly reducing them to zombies and those guys are making out? they seem so happy so carefree what is happening and why why why I- I like it? No I don't want to be a slave I want peace not being a slave again "But I guess you're not looking at the architecture, don't you?" "Those people, collared, on a leash. Are your slaves? Is this what's gonna happen to me?"

they seem so happy, their eyes filled with bliss their mouths drooling each other's saliva and they seem no to care about a thing which is not their own tongues twitching and swirling "Slaves? Dirt, no! Absolutely not. My dear, those are pets. Domesticated sophonts, and we love our pets so much." "I was told that you enslaved people, keeping them drugged and compliant and used them as your servitude or to do menial work for your empire..." "The rebel propaganda really got you there, my beautiful terran. No, not at all. Well, they are drugged most of the times. That part is true, but I can assure you they really like it. As you did, a couple of days ago when we had our first chat." "What will be of me?" "Well, techinically you'd have been sent to forced domestication since you are a rebel. It is also true, though, that you did what you did and that would make you a defector. In addition to that you surrendered without any resistance and moreover you gave us some very useful intel." "So?" "So, my dear, I filed a special plead for you. You won't be assigned to forced domestication. You will stay here for a while and then we will drop you wherever you like on Jupiter. Lastly, we will grant you the status of 'independent terran', unless..." "U- unless?" "Unless you'd actually want to stay and be a pet, my dear. Oh you would be the cutest of them all. You'd have to either pick or be picked by an owner and you will live forever in care and bliss." oh god oh god a pet? would I be a good pet? I mean those two earlier seemed to be happy but maybe there were only high as fuck but being a pet seems so nice

"An owner, like you?" "Ah, you're saying this, not me~" "I- I don't know." "There is another little thing I forgot to mention." "Now you're scaring me." "Good, you will learn to fear the giant plant girl which work consists mainly in interrogating and inflicting terrible tortures to rebels." "...Sinea..." "Just kidding, just kidding! Look at your face, stars you are so damn cute! Anyway, I saw from your medical report that you were under special medications for HRT, am I correct?" "Y-yes." "Well I think it is worth mentioning that the meds you were taking are nothing more than candies compared to our Class G. Which is basically the same thing but way more advanced and effective." "Oh..."

is she lying? maybe she wants to drug me again but maybe I can trust her, she's been so kind with me and advanced HRT is a dream come true

"Am I picking your interest there?" "Y-yes." "Of course this is not to convince you at all. I am just saying that here you will be loved in a way you have never experienced. You are free to go whenever. Just say a place on Jupiter and we'll drop you there instantly, Deena." "I need some time. I am tired and it's a lot to process." "That's perfectly understandable, little one. Want me to carry you?" "..." "Stars, when you give me those puppy eyes I- I simply can't! Come on. Here." "Those pets."

god they seemed so happy I was envious? jealous? yes that's the word

"Those pets, yes." "Those pets." "Yes those were pets. Do you have any specific consideration you want to make here or are you simply stating a matter of fact, my dear?" "They seemed so happy. Their kisses so blissful, their minds overwhelmed with joy and passion." "Florets usually do that. Here they are safe, protected, free to explore their true self, their true nature. Nobody judges them and the joy you saw in their eyes was certaintly shared by their respective owners."

"I would like to talk to one of them, if possible." "I have a better idea. There will be a little social gathering among florets later, their owners will be there but they won't interfere too much in their interactions. While I am not still your owner, I am your temporary ward so I can vouch for you. There you can talk to any of them and maybe even do something more than talking~" "S- still?"

what does she mean with still? still? she wants me to be her pet? what?

"Uh?" "You said you are not still my owner." "No, no my dear you must have misheard. I said that I am not your owner, which is true. I mean I could be your owner if that's what you want but the choice is yours and only yours."

maybe I misheard? I am sure she said that but I'm also tired and the feeling of her vines around me are so beautifully distracting

"I- I think I'm sure of what i've heard?" "Aw darling~ you are so tired, sometimes it happens to misheard stuff when we are tired. Misheard or projecting. Anyway, would you like to go to the floret's gathering?" "Maybe you're right. I am really tired but yes, Sinea, I'd love to go." "Very well, but first I must to inform you that I won't let my ward take part in a social event without some glowing up. You still smell of surgical sanitizer and your dress is unacceptable. I have a reputation." "Sure..." "That's my good girl. We will go at mine, have a bath, some grooming and I'll provide you with something suitable to wear."

hehe good girl~ wait a second a bath, a dress? what am I a doll? but I don't want to make her feel bad at the gathering I guess I can see how it goes

********

[certainty2witch]

For Crocodad theory, imagine if the way everyone finds out isn't either of them admitting it. It's Sengoku being mad after the events of Marineford and deciding to hand over declassified info on the revolutionary army, collected by Cypher Pole, which proves that Crocodile is Luffy's birth parent, to Big News Morgan. Imagine everyone has just started their two years of training when they pick up the daily newspaper and right on the cover is confirmation that Crocodile is Luffy's parent.

Since you mentioned the revolutionary army, I suppose you’re talking about my revolutionary crocodile au, even if you talked about Marineford.

And i take some time for adding a bit of lore for my au because is important:

(Answer for anon’s ask after the ‼️‼️‼️)

Crocodile was never evil and with so he never did something wrong in Alabasta. But, he’s still a warlord, and a fake pirate, because he’s a revolutionary undercover.

But let’s say that the marines discovered Crocodile is a revolutionary and that’s a way for putting him in impel down?

Iva obliviously, since is there too, save him and bring him at level 5.5, they both wait for the right moment for escaping (imagine Croc being uncomfortable around all that extravagant people, he doesn’t like loud people, and Iva likes to torment him because they think Croc miss Dragon and Croc says he doesn’t.

Is the truth btw he just wanna run into Dragon’s arms and kissing him).

And with so, Impel down arc happens, but Croc is always with Iva instead of being locked at level 6. His reaction to his son almost dead is pretty devastating, just imagine that… I mentioned in a recent post that they have a deep and special bond when Luffy was little. With older Luffy this keep existing!

So Marineford is pretty the same with Doflamingo bothering him (lmao, sorry babe your love is busy with the world’s worst criminal, he’s not a single man), with him protecting Ace (this time for Luffy and only for him💕) and other canon stuff.

And he suffers seeing his son losing his sense after his brother’s death. He obliviously protect him and Jinbe from Akainu (in every au he always saves him in that scene *sigh* good daddy).

So after Marineford he and Luffy separate, and he finally reunite with Dragon.

‼️‼️‼️

And now about the ask.

But first i add little warning.

Cw //mention of gender dysphoria!

Somehow Sengoku knows and decides to reveal everything (my god you should just close that trap sometimes, stupid marine) I honestly can’t imagine why he would know something like that, maybe due to Garp? (Close that trap too!!) because yep Garp knows Croc is trans and Luffy’s other dad.

Crocodile never liked the idea of people knowing his secret: him being Luffy’s other parent. He knows in that world people like him are seeing in a bad way and if others will discover he isn’t cis, my god I’m sure people will keep misgendering him… and he would hate that. I imagine his past full of transphobic people, keep using wrong pronouns with him and forcing him to just be like “Mother Nature made him”… you know useless things like this. So well he grow up frustrated and angry, Iva was his light, the revolutionary army were his light. Even after hrt, Crocodile felt the oppression of not being cis (mostly when he got pregnant of Luffy). But in this Au, he with the support of others started to feeling more and more comfortable just being himself. He’s not cis? Who cares!

But if people will discover he is Luffy’s dad too and with so, the father that gave birth to him, i like to imagine him asking his friends (and love) some support. He is more comfortable being trans, but something like that is hard to handle anyway, because nobody asked for his consent! If that was his secret, and he wanted to keep that hidden, well there’s a reason.

I hope I explained everything at least in a decent way, feel free to ask for some more if you are curious or to ask something else in the ask box.

And correct me or tell me to change something, if you think is inappropriate please.

For a dear anon that i still didn’t answer, if you are seeing this, just know that your idea inspired me. I will draw what you said, because I know what to draw hehe but i need time because i have other art first 🙏🏻

[notalivebutbreathing]

(CW: Mentions of SA)

I am terrified.

This election is the worst nightmare of the vast majority who identify as queer in some aspect. Whether it be related to gender or to sexual orientation. He has called for ending diversity, equity and inclusion programs in government institutions, using federal funding as leverage for LGBTQIA+ citizens. He would roll back the extending of Title IX civil rights protections to transgender students. One student of mine cried to me this morning asking if they will have to use the bathroom with boys who have already told them that they will “smash their head against bricks” if they are seen in the bathroom.

This election is the worst nightmare for AFAB individuals. Victims of SA who are living in states that have deemed abortion unlawful are being stripped of their bodily autonomy. And while the GOP is not yet calling for a national ban, it has not been explicitly stated that it will remain up to the states. I had a student two weeks ago crying and praying at her lunch table, holding her stomach. She looked to me and said “I don’t know what to do now. My parents told me I have 3 weeks to find somewhere to live. But this wasn’t my choice.”

This election is the worst nightmare for students living in America. The remaining unregulated laws regarding firearms terrifies the students I work with daily. I had a 2nd grade student at a school I was covering for looking at every window in the cafeteria with panic and then scanning the rest of the room. When I asked her what was bothering her, she said, “If someone tries to hurt us through the windows, and we are all in here for lunch, where do I hide? How do I stay alive?”

My heart breaks every day for these kids. My heart breaks for every single person who will have to go through these next four years, constantly looking over their shoulder. My heart breaks for my trans friends who do not pass and are now forced to hide and pretend to be someone they aren’t. My heart breaks for my partner who now has to sit in their body and hate every single thing they see in the mirror because their hope for HRT it is no longer an option.

Myself and my partner cannot enjoy our time outside in public as a couple now. I cannot hold their hand. No quick pecks on the cheek. Nothing that would symbolize our relationship. We will keep it quiet. Like we are back in school with our first queer relationships. Never in public, never seen. Only we will know. And we can never be allowed to speak of it for fear of what others will do.

America, The Land of The Dead and The Home of The Scared.

I am terrified.

[slashersdaddy]

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher with a trans guy S/O

TW/CW: slasher, mentions of death/killing, smutty shit-ish, DNI if under 18. Sadistic MFs(?)

Finding out you were trans (FtM) wasn't a super big shock to Billy and Stu (they are ghost face after all) and they immediately told you you were perfect the way you are ❤️ they love you for who you are on the inside, not your body (ofc your body does help 😘)

If your insecure Stu will stand behind you in the mirror mumbling all the things he loves about your body, how masculine you are, your eyes, hair, smile ect. While Billy holds you in place so you can't look away from yourself. They love you, all of you and they will make sure you know it 🫢

If you bind they will be on you constantly checking "have you taken a break from your binder today?" "How long have you been binding?" "How many days have you bound in a row?" Stu is more gentle while Billy will force your binder off you if given the chance and reason 🫢 ofc as long as you bind safely that won't happen!

If you feel like your not "man enough" Billy will take you with him to the gym, working out with you and learning workouts that will help you build a more masculine figure

If you are taking HRT through injections expect the pair to be with you the whole time, guiding and comforting you through the process, after all they have to make sure their baby is taken care of!

If your hormones cause problems for you (mood swings ect) the two will be there to comfort you every step of the way, with hugs and kisses

If you are early in your transition/aren't on hormones/still have a period the pair will keep track of your time of the month, and come over with feminine products, chocolate, snacks, and drinks, and watch movies with you, ofc they love to spoil you esp when your in pain

If you get picked on for being trans don't expect the bullies to be around long, Billy and Stu can't stand to see you sad, and Stu acts on impulse more than Billy even if usually he's the less violent one!

[annafall]

now that its been 2 years, i think i have enough distance to that asshole from back then who fucked me up so much that i can talk about it properly

putting it under a read more, dont expect anyone to actually read it, just need to get it out

cw abusive relationships, fictional sa, fictional torture, grooming, self-harm mentions, suicidality mentions, hospital mentions

so back in 2022 i met someone online, a dutch girl on a rwby rp discord. she was 28 and i was 27 and we hit it off insanely well

too well, in fact

right from the get go she was absurdly flirty and of course, as a trans girl who just started hrt and had absolutely no self esteem, that worked well

we talked a lot and 99% of the time it was some sort of sex topic, turned into sexting really quick. if we talked about the things she wanted to talk about, it got instant feedback . i think the first i love you came 3 weeks in and it became a flood of compliments and professions of love and the like. talking about other things got little to no response and if i said something she didnt like, she straight up ignored me for the rest of the day, went offline and didnt answer anymore

eventually we talked about an rp scenario, this was still sfw, but already pretty messed up. she wanted to rp a torture thing. not the actual torture itself, just my character being out of it the next day and realizing slowly what had happened. like, how her vision was gone on one eye, or how she couldnt stand up anymore because "there was nothing go stand on". how weird the meat tasted that she got fed

this was between cinder and penny from rwby, but inversions of the two. my character was a version of cinder who got adopted by hazel before the madam showed up, who always meant so much to me because of how much i relate to her. she was wishful thinking, a what if for an abused girl who finally got help

penny was laughably evil, she was salems newest maiden, sadistic as fuck, had all sorts of implements installed into her, like syringes and needles built into her fingers to do whatever the fuck those would do, grimm parts that replaces mechanical ones, like a grimm part for a reactor

and at first, it was kinda fun honestly, fucked up but in a twisted self-harm-y way.

then she talked me into roleplaying a full on torture scene and i was reluctant, but eventually relented because getting silent treatment again was worse at the time. so we just ... roleplayed a torture scene. something about forceful cannibalism, i dont remember the details

at that point i had abandoned all my boundaries in favor of not being ignored again, because then i would be treated nicely, being told i matter, that she wants me, loves me.

and then it was a full on torture SA scene

it was probably the most extreme thing ive ever experienced in this sense, as a fictional thing, and i have seen some shit

like, full on destruction of the body type shit, vile and sadistic

it took me roughly a year, i think, until i could just see regular images of penny without panicking

penny with grimm-parts is to this day a massive trigger, as are depictions of absurdly long tongues because that somehow featured into this torture scene

i was in a bad way then, because the character i had player was someone i projected onto, identified with, and she had been abused to a degree that a normal human in the real world could never survive

i had let her assault my reader-insert, if you will

i was starting to crack, full on suicidal at times from everything, unable to keep it going any more, and then, because i couldn't "perform" like that anymore, it seemed over

a friend irl noticed and we talked about stuff, and eventually she suggested, i should look further into the info i had of her

the image? straight off of instagram (but believable, she said she was a teacher and the girl she sent me looked the type)

her being a dutch teacher at a dutch middle school? pulled into question when she couldnt explain extremely simple stuff about the language

so many things that just turned out to be extremely flaky or no longer trustworthy

when i confronted "her" about it, she dumped me, tried to guilt trip me about the catfishing

i was gonna let it go, until a mutual friend messaged me, flora, and through pure coincidence, it turned out that flora had received explicit images from that asshole too

flora was, like me, dealing with aith mental health problems

flora was 17 at the time

and when another kid like that stepped forward, i knew what this person was

i had fallen into the hands

a full on predator, looking for mentally ill people online to fuck them over

we ended up reporting her to discord for solicitation of minors and she got banned from a dozen rp discords after, but i dont know if she ever got banned

and to this day, everytime someone joins the simps server, i still check to see if its her, because the owner assured me he would ban her instantly the moment she stepped foot into the server

she was my first "relationship" (im putting it in air quotes, because really the first real relationship I've had that was built on mutual adoration, respect and love was with Robyn), and it ruined me

we briefly considered putting me in a hospital just in case, because my mental health had deteriorated so much

i know, rationally, that shes never going to come back, but im still terrified of her

[kittycatherder]

Ruminations about femboys (not in a fun way though) cw for slurs/words with a lot of baggage to them

I'm reminded of a conversation earlier where I brought up how I saw the main character from Lies of P (the P-man himself) and like immediately saw people making pinup art of him calling him a femboy and like how funny I found that.

To say more about it like P-man (I have yet to play the game so I'll just keep calling him that) is very pretty and dare I say a classic example of a pretty boy/bishounen but he doesn't even dress effeminately and just looks pretty victorian era combat twink with how he fights.

Like for a while I struggled to like think about why this bugged me like at all. Like I'm so down for people to sexual characters and have fun with it but I think it's partially that people like feel like they*have* to force characters they like into predetermined little boxes to really enjoy them instead of like just appreciating a twink and it doesn't help that the art I saw also gave P-man like "has been on hrt for half a year/a few months breast growth"

Like to clarify; I'm also down for any and everyone who wants to get into hrt to do so. Shit; that should be avaible over the counter for fucking free to whoever wants it and knows what all it can do. However people being horny about like femboys with either low dosage/ early in transition doesn't exist in a vacuum and I feel like it's something a lot of people either forgot or honestly maybe never heard about in the first place so let's get into it.

from what I've seen most people who call themselves femboys/into femboys are cool and I'm glad it can help them on their gender journey... However! Ever notice how like Bridget keeps trending on twitter every once in a while despite being canonically a trans girl like years ago??? There's a good reason that. Like femboys as a concept unfortunately came forth from Trap porn/models especially on 4chan.

Making a new paragraph because oh boy this is some mental gymastics: Back in the day (and still now unfortunately) there were cishet guys who had the hots for some trans women (even if it's a fictional and exaggerated representations of them like futanari smut and the such). That said they believed that it's gay to be attracted to trans women and instead of fighting against that learned and deeply ingrained shame and guilt they double downed on it without truly giving up their attraction in the funkiest way possible. You see, dear reader, imagine you were some 4channer cishet guy some like 10 or maybe even 20 or so years ago (I forgot when trap porn got really popular on 4chan but somewhere between those years sound right). You think that a pretty women with a penis could be really hot but that's gay (negative) right? BUT!! What if there was a boy that was just So incredibly pretty and feminine that he even looks like a [cis] girl that if he revealed that he was a guy that you'd be so caught up in the moment that it's somehow less gay to be into him and bone him then just any trans women!! This is like one of the core fantasies of trap porn and I would now since I was lurking on 4chan as a teen and saw quite a large bit of it!!!

Especially sharp readers may have also noticed that this is basically a sexualized version of the trans/gay panic defense except of murdering some poor trans woman after learning she was trans you just have to fuck her though. I'm not gonna go into the whole history of like the trans/gay panic defense but the wiki article is a good enough starting off point and like content warnings for transphobic and homophobic murders like jesus fucking christ. It's awful which leads to how trap porn/trap kink/whatever changed it's name to femboy almost universally after a point.

There was mountains of pushback especially from various people but (not surprisingly) from my perspective a lot of transfems had issues with "Traps" for several reasons including the whole "this is just the trans panic but horny" and still fetishing trans women but in a weirdly indirect way. Like even back in the day of the like early 2010s I saw trap art/comics/doujins/etc that had "traps" have kinda wide hips, some small but almost budding breasts (like they've been on estrogen for months) and really thick thighs and fat asses (like they have had the fat redistribution of mtf hrt).

To go on a tangent for a sec; I bet there are people into femboys from back then who realized they might be bi or gay but there's a large number of them who are still straight and it'd be the easy route to just joke that they haven't realized they are bi yet but! A large part of current principles and understanding of gender and sexuality is self determined. That also includes cis and/or het people. Why would mostly cishet men who were into traps/femboys be so obsessed with them and still call themselves straight then???

It wasn't hard to see that a number of these guys into traps were looking at porn that both depicted idealized transfem bodies that combined both masculine and feminine traits in ways they found attractive but in a way to never acknowledge that trans people but especially trans women exist in the real world. Like back in the day you'd never see any trap art or trap models on 4chan or other sites that would dare utter the words hrt and that feels absolutely on purpose.

.... OH YEAH speaking of hrt! It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone but yeah there are absolutely people who enjoyed trap art and/or who were models who later on realized they were transfem in some way. For everything that sucks with it's inception it was probably the first exposure that some people had to crossdressing/experimenting with their gender or that like a Boy(tm) could ever dress or act in feminine manner. Like now that people stopped calling it trap porn and moved away from a lot of the main fantasy scenarios of it's inception it's easy to see why femboy art/models have been influential to some people and realize that they can either just be a girl, or be a boy in a girly way, or something inbetween in a myriad of ways! Like as someone who almost never saw trans people in media until I found porn I totally get it. What kick starts the first serious questions about one's own gender and/or sexuality is different for everyone and I have no ill will or anything for that.

However, the fact that femboys as a trend (especially in the west) really kicked off on 4chan has left it's mark in a various ways and in addition to this the fact that it's historical ties to all that mess often feels completely ignored and/or forgotten can really get to me at times. It feels that a lot of people who got into femboy stuff nowadays may honestly not even know about some of this due to just not being online on 4chan and other such spaces when anything we now call femboy was very much considered in the niche of trap porn (more or less). There's more and more people who can look at femboy not just as a porn niche but as a gender/a gender goal they wish to emulate and gives them gender euphoria even if they are very much still a cis (or maybe cis++/cis# depending on your programming preference) guy but wants to be on estrogen for a while and be called a good girl and get headpats. Again, I bring of Bridget guilty gear because why are there so many people mad about her being canonical trans and still mad and denying it? Like I once saw someone on twitter and checked out their profile and saw that they are a self identified femboy and while scrolling down saw that they were big mad and denying the translation of the article where daisuke says that bridget is trans! I was pretty surprised for a while even after muting and blocking their account (lol). While thinking about that transphobic femboy it dawned on me that "oh yeah, there were quite a number of trap/femboy fans who were weirdo 4channers" and even if they are now are a femboy they were a bigoted channer first. I'm starting to ramble now but to speed things and wrap this up; I think seeing femboy art of P-man so soon after the game launched where instead of just putting that twink in lingerie and a sexy pose the artist also gave P-man some budding breasts (and removed the cool looking robo-arm which is just wack but more purely a matter of personal taste) just sorta reminded me of that past and I forgot about that feeling till today.

Like again I don't hate on femboys or nothing but I wish it's weird history was remembered more and that when I do come across I hope they can get excited for a twink without giving the boy estrogen for a couple months. Ya'll gotta learn to appreciate twinks without small estrogen tiddies at some point or are the beauty standards for femboys that strict :P

oh and Post Script: Like for femboys having fun posting photos online I never have a problem with them unless they do invoke that old trap porn bs and/or they are bigoted 4channers or redditors or whatever. It's only some art that rarely can rub me the wrong way

[costello-xoxo]

so I am once again thinking about tfem grian (my mind is on rpf but could be character if you like) and mumbo and their epic sex adventures. and by this I mean they are nawt having sex for a long time. sorry.

cw: surgery recovery, I'm writing from *some* level of experience but forgive me for mild inaccuracies pls.

grian gets a vaginoplasty + labiaplasty and the recovery is kind of brutal. I mean, it's a serious, major surgery and she needs a lot of time to heal and recover. But ☝️she is fucking insatiable at the same time. she was ridiculously horny before bottom surgery, but afterwards??? somehow it is worse.

first of all just fyi she got such pretty little tits from hrt. this is important to me because she loves giving mumbo titjobs. he jerks his hips like the neediest guy in the world ever and she squishes her tits together to help him out and he always cums with such little force. its pathetic. <3

anyway.

she and mumbo have to do a lot of mouth and hand stuff post-surgery. she's constantly begging for mumbo to fuck her, and his subswitch ass is like 'best I can do is one (1) finger', because she can't risk damaging her new bits with penetrative sex.

grian does somewhat miss her girlcock. it was soft and cute, her balls shrank from the hrt and she could barely ever get hard, but dripped like a broken faucet anyway. it's a bit weird, kind of scary, not having something weighing between her legs. having a brand new hole.

but at the same time, god it is amazing to have a pussy. ohhh my god she is so obsessed with it. she's nervous when she shows mumbo, once it's healed a little and she feels comfortable enough. she worries that it doesn't look normal or like other girls' bits. but mumbo kneels between her legs and gets his head under her skirt and he comes back out so hard he almost passes out.

so that lessens her anxieties a fair amount. not that she did this for him - but his opinion is one she appreciates! besides, having a cunt makes her so unbelievably happy. so much gender euphoria. especially when months start to pass and she can take a finger or two up there. she loves it. it's damn cute.

it takes roughly six months for grian to be able to actually engage in penetrative sex again. but in that time she manages to make her daily dilation almost sexy in its place. mumbo helps her with it, at first multiple times a day and then daily, and she makes him incredibly hard as she teases about how open he's helping to make her - how all this effort is gonna make sex feel much more pleasurable and comfortable in the future. that *is* one of the points of dilation, after all. besides the more general health reasons.

when they do, finally, fuck for the first time, it can't exactly be called 'sex' in the strictest sense. mumbo makes sure to prep her for possibly too long, and use a frankly ridiculous amount of lube (and he has been fucking her thighs like that too, recently). grian makes crude comments about how wet she is for him. how ready she is after all the months of healing and dilating and keeping everything healthy - he helped so much so now he gets a reward.

he barely gets inside her before blowing his load, dribbling cum pathetically into her pretty, drooling pussy.

she scolds him for cumming inside, but secretly likes it. even if it means cleanup is more annoying. she, however, has to use a small toy to get herself to completion. mumbo does apologise, but she says it's cute. he's so pathetically horny for her and her new cunt.

it takes a few more attempts before they're really able to fuck. every time, mumbo is incredibly pathetic about it. she lets him cum inside because, well, she's into it. how it drips out of her. his face when he buries himself inside her. when she warns him not to knock her up. when he carefully, almost reverently, puts his fingers back inside, pushing the slick around.

yeah, she has no regrets. as much as she'll miss some aspects of having a cock, the alternative has made her the happiest girl in the world.

[utsusemi-mommy]

My Experience with Bottom Dysphoria

CW: gender dysphoria, bottom dysphoria, surgery, phimosis, Peyronie's disease

This is going to be a bit of a personal post and a little more somber then most of my stuff on here, so, y'know, skip it if that's not what you want. I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

So, when I figured out I was trans, when I started my transition, I thought I was just going to keep my cock. I liked playing with it, I had a lot of fun with it, and I didn't really feel an urge not to have it. So, fuck it, I'll be a woman with a cock, I thought. After all, at that point I thought I was going to get away with a surgery free transition.

I had this idea in the back of my head that I was going to convince myself I could be happy with my body. That, if I could just take HRT, whatever the end result was would be me and that I could love myself for it.

It was a little over a year ago, May 2023, and I received an email ad from American Eagle of all places. I think I had shopped there once, for a romper I no longer own. They were advertising their swim wear. And prominently within the advertisement was a shot of a woman in a bikini in a pool. The picture was taken from in the pool, under the water looking slightly up. What this meant was you could see the woman from her waist down, and everything else was obscured. It very clearly was shot to draw attention to her swim bottoms.

When I saw this, I felt such a profound sadness that I just put my head on my desk and cried for a few minutes. There was something about seeing that bathing suit fit, without a bulge in it, that just completely broke me. Growing up, I had an older sister, and when she was out of the house, I would try on her clothes and day dream what it would've been like if I had been born a cis girl. Aside from the wistfulness and fear of getting caught, what I remember from back then was how sad I was that nothing ever really truly fit me. There were always signs that these clothes weren't "for" me, and thought had always left me feeling hopeless afterwards.

And here it was again, that same forlorn hopelessness, staring me in the face after some 15 years. I forget if I accepted it then, or if it took me a few days to synthesize, but it was after that that I recognized I had bottom dysphoria, and that if I was going to do anything about it, I was going to need to get surgery.

This whole story I had invented for myself, of transitioning without surgery was no longer a possibility for myself. Here was an issue I wanted to address, and to do so meant surgery. And, if I was going to have some surgeries, why not others? Why should I have to tolerate the body I was stuck in when I could do a little remodeling and make the place feel like home. I scheduled a consult for an orchiectomy, the turn around was quickest and I wanted less _junk_. I scheduled a consult for GCS. I scheduled a consult for FFS. I scheduled a consult for a BA.

It's been close to 14 months since that point. I escaped an abusive partner and a domestic situation that was slowly killing me, and I've had three of the surgeries that I scheduled consultations for. What I haven't had is GCS, and as much as the orchiectomy helped, it is so very clearly not enough. Worse yet, my hair removal has largely started out as well. I was supposed to have my first laser session on my crotch at the end of last July. It ended up being two days after I got away from the ex who was abusing me. I had to cancel the appointment. I haven't had one since.

That, more or less, brings us to today. I've been with my current partner for over 9 months at this point. She treats me with all the love and respect I deserved in my prior relationship. We have great sexual chemistry. We fool around and play with each other constantly.

I think that's part of the problem.

For years now, I've been forced to be a non-sexual being. Whether that was because of the abuse, the hrt, or being too exhausted from being a single mother trying to reestablish herself. I didn't have the time it energy for sex. The associated complications faded from my memory.

But that's not the case anymore. I have love and support. I have someone who makes sure I feel centered in our sexual encounters. I have a libido. I want to have sex. Unfortunately, when I do, my body hurts me, and seeing it makes me feel disgusted.

This is probably the right time to mention that I have phimosis. As a little girl, my parents decided not to have me circumcised. Unfortunately for me, my father was circumcised and mother didn't have a penis of her own. So neither one of them knew how to care for an uncircumcised penis, or what instruction their daughter needed. I never had any idea that anything was wrong. My penis was the only one I ever knew, and it was just the way it is. When I started to get erections, I felt soreness and tenderness around the tip. But that's fine, I thought, everything about puberty said that erections could hurt. That's what this was. It wasn't until I was almost 20 that I realized something was off. Unfortunately, the only solution presented to me was surgery, and, as we established, I was not so inclined. So, instead, I decided to continue dealing with the pain and discomfort that came whenever I was erect, touching myself, or having sex. I was used to it.

This is probably also the time to mention that I have Peyronie's disease. Sometime after starting HRT my abuser pressured me into having penetrative sex with them. They were in the mood and it was my responsibility to see them satisfied. I was able to get an erection, or so I thought. Little did I realize that HRT could lead to you being not-quite-fully-erect, and that this was one of the prime conditions under which you could damage yourself and develop Peyronie's. Long story short, some of the vascular elements of the penis gets damaged, it develops a distinct arch when erect, and erections become painful, or, in my case, more painful.

So I'm a little bitter about how broken that part of my body is. I have to remind myself that when other people have sex, or masturbate, or get off, that they aren't doing so while gritting their teeth and trying to push past the pain and enjoy themselves.

And as someone who doesn't even want the fucking thing, I feel even more betrayed by my body. Not only am I unhappy that it's there in the first place, but trying to enjoy myself means that it just ends up hurting me. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to tap out of a sexual encounter unwillingly because I'm in so much pain. Once I do, there's often a depressive spiral to deal with afterward. I've reached the point where I think about removing it myself. It's not pleasant to think about.

This has long since become a ramble. I wrote this mostly for me, but maybe it'll help someone out there who's going through something similar.

Chase what you want. Let yourself have the things you need to be happy and comfortable. This is your life, live it the way you want.

[sideblogformindtrash]

may i ask, what was pet orfeu's training like?

Own honestly pet Orfeu is such a sad little guy. It was probably a lot easier to train him than you'd expect =/ orfeu has veyr different reactions depending on the point of his life he's at.

Like the older orfeu, near his 30's we know? Nearly impossible. Absolute nightmare.

Fresh out the system 18-19 soaping wet cat Orfeu? Not so hard =/

cw for bbu stuff, noncon, drug abuse, abstinence, sensory deprivation/overload, touch starvation; transphobia and lack of bodily autonomy

For starters, he submitted willingly, and per usual, he was in a terrible place in his life. He was exhausted, depressed, hopeless and struggling with addiction.

The first thing they did was talk to him about his body image and gender. Orfeu is gender-nonconforming, and if left free, he would keep his boobs. He likes them. But being any kind of non-conforming isn’t a good look for a pet, so they said he had to either fully commit and go with top surgery or go out of HRT and sing as a woman. He picked the first option.

He also had his tattoos and piercings removed, and his head was fully shaved so they could then grow it out on a regular haircut.  

The ~~drip didn’t do a full removal of his memories. He had already used it at this point, and omitted that information. But the memories he did retain mostly served to show him he was miserable and unfit to be a free human anyway. 

His first few weeks were very brutal as he was forced to deal with abstinence, mostly alone and locked in a room. At this point he tried to take it all back, cried, begged, screamed and tried to fight. They were somewhat understanding of the behavior since it was due to the drugs, but he still got a beating here and there. 

When those symptoms subsided they got him into a more regular training scheme. And at first, it was kinda challenging.

He was willing to learn and try to be good and his Handler saw that - but he was still Orfeu and had an authority hating, anger prone reactive ass. 

It took trial and error. THey first started with pain and corporal punishment, since they didn't have to be as careful since he was already scarred - but that didn’t have as much of an effect. It made him angrier and skittish.

Eventually they figured out what worked the best for him was a combination of sensory deprivation/overload for punishment, a semi-permanent touch starved status, and a lot of positive reinforcement and praise.

Orfeu has hardly ever been praised in his life, so even just being called a ‘good boy’ did wonders to soften his behavior, and they integrated a lot more of it and started exploiting that in his training. 

After that they started making more progress at grinding him down. They convinced him his anger was all part of how bad it had been before, that he didnt need that now, that he could be a good pet and that he would be so loved if he was good.

And well, somehow he committed. He also just started dissociating heavily, almost constantly and living in auto-pilot.

He didn’t really interact with other pets. They tried sometimes and he mostly ignored them unless a handler had instructed him to interact. He wasn’t able to hold very long conversations either. 

They did train him as a romantic, and it was kind of a challenge to not have him just dissociate all the time. Keeping him very very touch starved helped with this, since he would begin to crave sex even if just to be held.

He also took some classes. He did well enough on some, and failed miserably at cooking every single time. 

He was also very hard to sell. He is off putting to look at, has a weird smell, he can’t be in a house that has animals in it, and a lot of people found him a bit too numb and boring.

So much so he started to become sort of a company pet for a while. He just was easy to handle and have around, and some trainers liked to take him home on weekends and fuck him as well. 

Eventually however he was sold.

[chimaerakirin]

To Ashes And Blood

Stereotypes often come from facts. It's a fact that vampires own nightclubs. It's also a fact that the Fae like to dance. So really, Shigaraki Tomura, Heir to the Prince of Kanto, should have expected to get at least a few patrons who happen to be allergic to iron at some point, and maybe Ikeda Yayoi should have expected to find the owner of her new favorite dance floor to have fangs and a liquid diet. Then again, both are Western monsters living in the homeland of the Yokai, so their surprise might be forgivable. Either way, things are going to change around here, and maybe not just for their personal day to day lives.

Supernatural AU, no Quirks, Heroes, or Villains. Faerie lore heavily inspired by the October Daye series by Seanan McGuire. MDNI.

CW: He's still high for most of this? Mostly serious discussions tho.

<- Ch1 - Ch3 - CH4 - Ch5 ->

Two Predators

There's a very long silence before a new voice comes over the line. "What exactly do you mean by changeling?"

"Giri!" Tomura cheers.

"Hello, Tomura," comes an automatic-sounding response, the kind of affectionate tolerance that comes from working with a small child regularly. "Changeling, Miss March?"

Yayoi sighs again. "My father was human. My mother is a Tylwyth Teg of the line of Gwyn ap Nudd."

"I see. And exactly how much did Tomura drink?"

"I'm not sure, I don't exactly know how fast he goes when he's hungry. Less than half a liter, maybe closer to a quarter?"

"Hungry. Elaborate."

"One second. Tomura, did you finish that other flask at the movie?" He shakes his head and gives it to her. It's about half full. She unscrews the cap and sniffs the contents. It's definitely blood, she doesn't know why she didn't realize it in the theater. "Yeah, he didn't drink more than half of his… breakfast, I guess? He said everything has been tasting wrong for the last… Three weeks, I think? Since he met me. Yeah, three weeks ago tomorrow. He… does look a little skinnier, I thought, but I wasn't sure."

"Wait, that's when he thought Nee-san's blood was expired," Spinner says in the background. "She went in for testing because we were afraid her HRT was going wrong, but everything was fine."

'Giri' sighs, sounding pained. "This is not the best news… One more question, for the moment. Did he ask, and did you give explicit permission for him to drink your blood? Even under hypnosis."

"No, and no." She flushes. "We were making out, he complimented the taste, he said he was hungry and that he could make it feel good, then he bit me. He ah… He wasn't lying. But Fae aren't a prey species any more than vampires are, so it only broke the hypnosis. He stopped when I told him to, but he went on his magical mystery tour before we could negotiate."

There's a pause. "We'll come back to that last bit later. So, theft without force. It… could be worse."

"So you do know why he's had this reaction."

"I do, although the exact details elude me yet. Are you familiar with the work of Christina Rosetti?"

She closes her eyes. "We must not look at goblin men, we must not eat their fruits. Who knows upon what soil they fed their hungry thirsty roots. My mother thinks it's a comedy." She snorts bitterly. "Fae food then, even in the iron world?"

"Forgive me, I am unaware of your upbringing, and this is somewhat obscure knowledge in the east. Yes, that is part of what I suspect is going on here. You say he appears to have lost weight?"

"I think so, yes."

"Could you perhaps send a picture?"

She glances down at him. He blinks back up adoringly. "I can try. He's being clingy. Tomura, will you move? Sit here." She pats the bed next to her.

He shakes his head. "Don't wanna…" he mumbles.

"Just for a minute, I promise. Here, come on." It takes a few minutes, but she manages to get him sitting on the bed, propped up against the wall, and pry his grip on her arm off long enough to move back and snap a photo to send over text. Then she speaks into the phone again. "Sent. Does that help?"

There's a pause as the picture is examined. She sits back down on the bed and raises her arms as Tomura immediately pounces on her to resume his place in her lap, complete with purring. Then 'Giri' answers. "It does. You are correct, he has lost some weight. Not as much as I feared, but more than I had hoped. Is he showing signs of dehydration?"

"Chapped lips. Slightly less now than an hour ago."

"I see. Please give him the phone."

She passes the device to Tomura, who sits up slightly. "Hi Giri!"

"Hello, Tomura. I am going to ask you some questions, and I need you to answer them as best you can." Giri's tone isn't quite 'talking to a small child'. Instead it's more 'talking to a flighty neurodivergent.' Or maybe 'to a cwn annwn.'

Whatever, it works. "Okay!"

"Is it true that you haven't been feeding properly the last few weeks?"

Tomura pouts. "I tried, it's not my fault it all tasted wrong."

"What was wrong about it?"

He shrugs.

"He can't see you on the phone," she reminds him. "You have to talk."

"Ohhh, riiight. I dunno. Wasn't right. Um… It was bleh."

"Bleh?" Atsuhiro asks in the background.

"Like not-food. Just pretending. Yeah."

Giri makes a sound that perfectly combines aggravation and understanding. "Like Maruchan noodles."

"Yeah!" Tomura half-shouts. "Maruchan! Only, only Yayayayoi is um, is real Cup Noodle."

Kurogiri lets out another tired sigh. "I understand, Tomura. I apologize, Miss March, I assure you he means it as a compliment."

She stifles a laugh. "I understand. It's a remarkably straightforward thought process once you find the starting point."

Tomura gets distracted again now that they're not talking to him, dropping the phone in favor of nomming bluntly on her neck.

"Hey, careful," she chides, tugging on his hair. "No fangs, remember?"

"Is he trying to drink again?" Giri asks sharply.

She picks up the phone. "I don't think so, he's sort of… gumming on me."

"Good. Tom—"

Tomura jolts upright, eyes widening like he just discovered the secrets of the universe. "Giri, hey, hey Giri!"

"Yes, Tomura?"

"I think, I think Master was wrong," he breathes.

There's a worryingly long moment of silence on the line. "Miss March, I believe it would be best if you keep his phone until he's regained his senses," Giri says delicately.

That doesn't sound much different than taking Mina's away when she's had one too many drinks and is at risk of calling an ex at three in the morning. "I can do that. About how long will that be?"

"I am still uncertain. I have one more question for Tomura. Is he listening?"

Tomura nods. "He is," she relays.

"Tomura, have you been dreaming recently?"

Tomura gasps. "How'd you know?"

"What the fuck?" Spinner demands. She'd almost forgotten he's there. "We don't dream."

Giri sighs again, sounding desperately tired. "We do under very specific conditions. Miss March, one final question, this one for you. Is your blood magically stable?"

She blinks. "Stable?"

"You are a first-generation changeling, an even mix of human and Fae. Your Fae blood is exclusively of one clan, you do not have ancestors that are not Tylwyth Teg as you said, or of a different Court. You are not affected by pending, broken, or misaligned Court Oaths, and you are not affected by foreign curses."

"Oh. Yes, I'm stable. Dad's line was human going back to the Yamato period at least, and no member of the House of Arawn has ever consorted with the Seelie or 'lesser' members of the Annwn Court, they're all pure Ellylon, the highest order of the Tylwyth. And I've never made or been offered any Court Oaths. I only have a purely mundane employment contract with an Independent in the Bluffs community."

There's a bit of muffled whispering on the other end of the line, then Giri comes back. "This is as close to ideal as it gets, as far as I can tell. He should sober up within six hours. Twelve at the most."

She raises her eyebrows. "This is ideal? I hesitate to ask what a bad scenario looks like."

"Fae blood is unique in its effects on vampires, Miss March, and the majority of those effects are dependent on your people's law of debts. Tomura stole from you, but it was not an act of force, and he did not persist when caught. Had he asked first and been told no, it would have been a willful violation, and the effects would be more severe. I have seen Fae chained over a basin and their veins opened while they struggled. A single shot of that blood left the drinkers in a state of manic hallucination from one sunset to the next. The blood of Fae with a magical imbalance was even worse. The vampire who saw fit to host such entertainment did not deem it appropriate try the latter filtered."

There's something very off with that last statement, but she doesn't know enough about vampires to figure out what.

"Beyond the hallucinations, blood taken by force is also strongly addictive. When traded for, it provides some resistance to silver, and the visual effects are restricted to the ability to see through glamours. When given freely, however, it temporarily causes biological function equivalent to true life."

"Wait, what?" Spinner asks.

"You have noticed, Miss March, that Tomura does in fact have a heartbeat?"

"Yeah?" She brushes Tomura's hair back from his neck with her free hand and lays a finger over his pulse, then nearly drops the phone when he lets out a breathy sound of… excitement.

"Catnip, right," Atsuhiro says, sounding vaguely amused.

She picks up the phone again. "I literally just touched his neck," she mutters, then clears her throat. "Yeah, his pulse is on the slow side though, and he's got a lower body temperature. What about it?"

"As higher-order embodied undead, biological function does not stop, but it does slow, and certain systems are made irrelevant. The digestive tract, for example, is largely irrelevant past the first stage, since blood is absorbed through the stomach lining the way the lungs transmit air to the bloodstream. Circulation and by extension respiration are slowed to a degree dependent on how well-fed one is, but even at peak nutrition are noticeably lower than the human norm. Sleep patterns skip the REM stage," Kurogiri explains. "Freely given Fae blood subverts this for a time, resulting in a living body temperature, the ability to safely consume human food, and the capacity to dream among other things."

"Getting free things out of a Fae is basically impossible though," she points out. "We can't give things away. We have some leeway in taking things, since 'payment' is subjective, but that's a one-sided bargain. To give with one hand and not take with the other is like cutting the outstretched hand off."

Tomura abruptly looks horrified and grabs her wrists. "No, don't do that," he says urgently. "I don't miss eating ramen that much!"

"There are in fact exceptions," Atsuhiro interjects. "But they're rather specific and rely on psychological perception, which I don't expect to be in play here."

"Rrright, I'll grill you on that later." Yayoi takes a minute to pry Tomura's hands off and put them somewhere less restrictive. "So, you guys want me to keep him here until he comes down, right?"

"Given the circumstances I believe that would be safest, yes," Giri confirms. "If that happens to be after sunrise, then you will be paid a day's room and board in exchange for housing him until sunset. Furthermore, I ask that you accompany him when he returns. There are matters that must be discussed."

"I can do that. We'll talk money then. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, in fact. Earlier, you mentioned that negotiation was curtailed by his reaction. Could you elaborate on that?"

She frowns. "What is there to elaborate on? We literally just talked about how I can't give freebies. I don't mind retroactive pricing."

"I suppose elaboration consists of two questions then. First, are you willing to provide further sustenance, and second, what specifically is the delay on negotiation?"

"First, yes, but that's between me and him, no offense but neither of us is a whore and that makes you not a pimp. You don't need to know." The resulting silence is highly expressive, and she briefly wonders what Giri's face looks like right now. "Second… Are you for real? He's high as an iron-damned kite right now. He can barely sit up straight, there's no way in hell he can walk a straight line, and if he could I'm not sure he'd have the presence of mind to avoid chasing pixies into traffic. He can't negotiate, because he can't consent. Anyone who tries to make a deal with someone in this state is functionally committing date-rape, regardless of the terms. Negotiation will happen when he's sober, not before."

The other end of the line is quiet for a minute. "I see you are a woman of class as well as culture," Atsuhiro eventually observes. "Well said."

"I am satisfied, and I appreciate your integrity," Giri adds. "Farewell for now. Tomura, I will see you when you return, please don't get into any more trouble before then."

"Giriiii, that's not fair!" Tomura whines.

"Yes it is," Spinner calls back.

"All right, we'll see you sometime before midnight tomorrow," Yayoi concludes. "I'm going to turn this phone off, if there's an emergency you can call the number I'm about to text you. Bye for now."

She hangs up and sends Spinner a text with her number, then powers the phone off and stashes it in the drawer under her bed. Tomura stares up at her for a minute, still curled up in her lap and playing with a lock of her hair, before venturing to speak.

"Are you still on the phone?"

"Nope."

"Can I kiss your tits some more?"

She hesitates. Since they'd gotten that far before he was high… "…All right. But no biting and we don't take our pants off or touch underneath them. Okay?"

"Okay." He topples her over backward again and sprawls out to lay over her legs, his head level with her chest, and she strokes his hair as he starts to play.

-TA&B-

Spinner's phone beeps with a text message before the screen can even go dark, and everyone stares at it. "So… that just happened. What do we do now?"

"We wait," Kurogiri says simply.

"That's it?"

"That is all we can do at the moment, and it will not change until he returns with her."

"How do we know we can trust her?" Spinner asks. "She could be lying."

"No, she couldn't." Atsuhiro shakes his head. "Not if she is a real Fae, and I've seen nothing to suggest she isn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Fae can't lie. They physically cannot. They can speak in metaphors and implications, they can exploit phrasing, they can bend the truth until it snaps under its own weight, but if they try to speak a direct untruth their throats will lock up. If they try to write one, their hands will cramp and twist away from the page. They can tell fictional stories, but few of them are any good at creating them."

"What makes you so sure she's one of them?"

"Have you looked at the security footage of the first time she entered the club? She hesitated on the threshold, and only came inside after looking up at the frame. Fae can't enter private residences without invitation any more than a vampire can, and most of us live in this building. She never says 'thank you,' she'll only acknowledge that a service was provided for rote expression, and offer a compliment in place of gratitude. The first time Chisaki sent someone to harass her and I threatened to have him removed, she praised my performance as a bartender but no more, because to say thanks would be to say that more is owed. She never accepts her first free drink of the night until I tell her it's for the dancing. You've seen her in the VIP box twice, have you ever seen her leave without dancing to at least one song?"

Spinner shakes his head slowly.

"I expect that she's paying for the access that way, since she knows he considers it valuable. There's some leeway, I'm not sure how far it goes. Hospitality is a factor in the Law of Debts, and it's his club so in theory he does have an obligation to provide a certain level of service, which can't be considered free. It's a form of social contract, essentially. Fae merely consider those to be fully enforced, no different than legal ones. Finally, there's her knife."

"Her knife?"

"Ceramic, yes? Iron burns Fae the way silver burns vampires. Anything above ninety-five percent purity counts as iron. That includes most carbon steels, if I recall my chemistry correctly. Stainless steel is diluted with at least twice that limit of chromium, so it's generally safe, but they still don't especially like it, and most won't use it unless they have to. For a mundanely crafted blade of modest length, ceramic is quite practical." Atsuhiro waves a hand. "In short, I can't say I'm certain she's Fae, but if she's not, she's putting on an improbably good show of it. Additionally, there is the blood high. It's rather distinct."

Spinner frowns, but accepts that, and instead turns to Kurogiri. "What didn't you tell them? And why did you have her hide his phone?"

"I will not tell you before I tell them," Kurogiri says severely. Then his tone goes worried. "As for his phone, it is not… appropriate to speak against Master's word. And it is common to send ill-advised messages while intoxicated, is it not?"

"Right, the drunk ex text. That's fair."

-TA&B-

Tomura passes out while the world is still a haze of colors that move and lights that don't glow. While he sleeps, he drifts through images of a castle in a field of heather and foxglove — how does he know that, he doesn't know shit about plants — and a copper-haired girl in a colorless dress wandering through the flowers, of the girl playing with white and red dogs as tall as her shoulder, of the girl lurking in a doorway while adults with eerily flawless faces whirl around a massive room in costumes made of cobwebs and leaves and live butterflies and other stranger things in a dance that he knows will last for years. When he wakes, he finds himself under a blanket, warm skin pressed against his bare chest and half the pillow covered in a wild mass of hair the exact color of a newly minted 10-yen coin.

He also finds the pink-haired girl from the club standing over the bed in a splash-print shirt and yoga pants, staring at him critically.

"You've been sweet to her so far, so you can stay," she finally says, voice low and tone matter-of-fact. "But if you hurt her, I know a photographer who still uses traditional film and develops her own pictures."

He stares back in bemusement, then glances at the window. It's covered in a heavy dark blue curtain, but there's still a faint orange light painting the wall for a half-centimeter strip along the edge.

"Full sundown is in about half an hour," Mina answers the unasked question. "I'm leaving for work in fifteen. We've got soundproofing charms on the whole flat, have fun."

She smirks at the heat in his cheeks, then walks out. As soon as the door latches, he realizes he can't actually hear anything outside the room.

Then he realizes that the warm body snuggled up to him is March Yayoi and she's as shirtless as he is, and he freezes in place. He stays that way until she stirs, and doesn't move so much as he allows her to move him as she rolls over and blinks at him. He only vaguely remembers last night after feeding, and only two things are remotely clear. One, that he made an absolute fool of himself. Two, the face she shows at Sixth Circle is not her real one, and he's seeing her real one now.

She was pretty before, a heart-shaped face, faintly golden skin, and large bright brown eyes. Her features are sharper in reality, more pointed, so that her nose and chin and cheekbones match the short knife-point tips of her ears. Her skin is more ivory as a whole, but the super-fine velvety hairs that layer every human's skin are the same color as the rest of her hair, giving her a pinkish gold cast. Her eyes are also a shimmering copper, with a faint gleam to the pupils that he can tell will show as full nightshine, and are bigger than she pretended, more sharply slanted. She's blatantly inhuman, definitely related to the horribly beautiful dancers in the castle, but still human enough that she doesn't set off the same atavistic warning bells at a glance.

Her smile is sharp on the inside when it curls across her face though, and the show of her teeth makes his own canines spike in recognition of a fellow predator. An equal. "Hello, pretty," she whispers.

He shakes his head in automatic denial. "I'm not pretty," he protests.

"Yes you are." She says it like it's fact.

"No. My skin is…"

"Flawed," she allows. "Yes. Perfect isn't pretty, though. I've seen perfect. I grew up around it. Perfect is a trap. Perfect is too good to be true, but makes you want it anyway, until you're close enough to see that it's too good and true, and then it's too late. That's how the Fae hunt."

He understands. There's something else that confuses him though. "Why did your roommate threaten to have my picture taken with an old camera?"

"With a…" She frowns. "Oh. She didn't. She was threatening to poison you. Celluloid film is developed using silver nitrate derivatives. Halides, mostly, I think."

"Oh. I forgot about that…"

"How old are you, exactly?"

"Master turned me on my twentieth birthday," he admits, using the English word for the title. "That was in 1982."

"Huh. I was born in eighty-one."

"So you're… In your fifties?" She winces, and he does too. "Sorry. I knew I'd end up asking that if I answered…"

"No, it's not that. The problem is, I spent some time in Annwn. My mother was the equivalent of a kitsune bride, except it wasn't her slipping up that ended the charade. It was me. Changeling children have instinctive magic, but it always fails sooner or later, and that leaves us exposed, so we're taken underhill until we learn to use glamour on purpose. Mine went out when I was nine, and we went to her Court."

"You're… related to Gwyn." He remembers that.

"My great grandfather. Changelings don't really belong, is the problem. We belong to Faerie, but not necessarily in it. We're too human for all the rules to apply equally. We're still subject to what you might call Urashima Time though. I don't think I was more than eleven when I came out, at least in body and mind, but I couldn't tell you how long I was actually there, just that the shiny new thing of the year when I left was the 3DS. I had a lot of catching up to do, and I had my mother's help for exactly none of it."

"Why not?"

"Because she had a very important party to prepare for, sweetling. You'll have to go stay with your father for a bit." She takes on a thick accent that he's pretty sure isn't Scottish and a carelessly patronizing tone. Then she laughs once, bitterly. "I got the sole courtesy of being sent to the nearest recordsmith with a letter telling them who I should be forwarded to and enough favors to ensure no one realized it was weird that I'd been gone for twenty years. She's probably still at that party."

And he thought his original parents were garbage. "Did your dad at least take care of you?"

"Oh yeah. He was decent. Not suspicious at all, just like Mummy paid for, just a bit confused, all the way up until he died in 2020. Way better than my mother's legal husband."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, Faerie Bride marriages don't count to the Courts. It's a fun game to play for a few years, and socially it's more like adopting a pet. It's not even considered adultery. I'm not sure what my stepfather's name is, we were never formally introduced, or informally for that matter. I just know he exists in the abstract." She rolls onto her back and puts an arm behind her head. "So yeah. I genuinely don't know how old I'm supposed to be, objectively."

"Well that's…" He glances down and trails off, staring at the bare skin on display. There are faded hickeys scattered over her chest and shoulders, especially on her breasts, and a pair of very familiar pink dots on her throat over her pulse. "Uh."

She raises her eyebrows, then shrugs the blanket further off, down to her waist. "Right, about that. We have something to discuss, don't we?"

[am-i-lie]

This is a bit of well not fully vent post, but a bit of a rambly in that direction. It's a sensitive topic for a lot of people so not a good thing to talk in most places so tumblr post into the void it is. cw for talking about internalised fatphobia, recovery from an eating disorder, and morality ocd like issues about food.

About a year ago I decided to gradually start reintroducing animal products and meat into my diet. At the time I was pretty malnurished and was struggling to eat dinner every day. I was on hrt but it didn't really have much effect. I was also struggling with arfid.

I had big morality issues about eating meat. Watched a documentary about animal farming in Australia (not the country I am in with vastly different farming system) that traumatised me. So the decision didn't come lightly. It was either that or the consequance of not eating enough.

It instantly made it easier to eat. I stopped gagging every dinner trying to get in beans and tofu and chickpeas in.

I have started gaining weight. I stopped seeing my ribs under my skin became soft to touch in a nice way. Sitting stopped hurting my butt and I got a lot of breast growth. And frankly I became far more "my type" in a way. I see it as a very good thing. Sign of recovery and all.

But before I never had to face internalised and not internalised (thanks mom) fatphobia directed at myself. Unsuprisingly sth that has been forced on you whole your life doesn't go away.

It's so frustrating to be like. I look more like Laika from Laika's comic and love how I look! I am beutiful slightly chubby trans woman and I am so cool for that. to I am struggling to eat again this time because of internalised bullshit about weight within few hours.

I have way more to unlearn then I thought. Seeing chubby/fat characters in media that look like me helps a lot, but I hope that with time I will learn to see it as a good/neutral thing always no matter how much more weight I gain while eating enough food that I am not half starving all the time.

When first starting to eat meat again I justified it to myself that it's only for an emergency, but looking back going back would kill me.

Recovery isn't always easy and big rapid changes to body can be scary, but I look forword to future where I love myself. I might not fit into skinny ideal but I am so much happier now

[lil-ftm-fakeboy]

sideblog pinned 🩷💜

this sideblog is primarily for my misgendering kink. massive cw for the whole blog about misgendering, some detrans, heavy cnc, rapeplay and similarly dark kinks. Any post not tagged with "#irl talk" should be considered roleplay and in-character.

please let me know if i shouldn't have liked/reblogged your post (or you feel uncomfortable that I did), and i'll unlike or delete reblogs as necessary. please, feel free to block me if you don't feel comfy about anything on my blog.

none of this stuff is real, and even within this kink I am uncomfortable with any generalised transphobia and anything that implies that all trans men/people or enbies aren't really trans or that it is okay to misgender them without consent.

important stuff

asks and DMs are open, but I get overwhelmed by lots of messages so I prefer longer messages or asks. Please use an emoji if you're sending as an anon so i can keep track. please read my kinks and limits (here and on my main) before sending anything. i will delete and/or block people who repeatedly ignore my limits.

before doing any roleplay involving cnc or rapeplay, we need to have a conversation about safewords, what we're looking for in the roleplay, and what aftercare might look like. for this reason, in-depth role-play is only going to be happening in DMs.

I'm not particularly camera shy (hehe) but I am a bit shy of posting/sending on the internet, so I won't be sending any pictures of myself. Feel free to send me pics of yourself, or send me picrews to do! I love doing picrews <3

my limits, which do also apply in roleplay: scat or diapers, dd/lg or md/lb (including using the titles mommy or daddy), ageplay, permanent marks or injuries, raceplay, vom, gore, incest/fauxcest, p3dobait blogs, anything immoral/rightfully illegal (necro, bestiality, MAP or p3dophillia, lolicon). Most of these things I'm happy for you to roleplay on your blog, but I don't want to be involved. However, if you're a MAP, p3dophillia or lolicon blog you will be reported.

i am into these kinks, but am unlikely to tag on this blog: praise, hair pulling, biting, degradation, humiliation, objectification, spanking, some painplay, breeding (no preg), free use, gangbang, gloryhole, cockwarming, creampies, bondage, double/triple penetration, somno, cnc, dubcon

more info under the cut!

about me 🩷💜

here's a couple of things about the character i'll play as on this blog:

Elliot (Elle, Ellie, other femme nicknames)

ftm (really a fakeboy)

he/him (use she/her or it/it's)

on testosterone HRT, planning on getting both top and bottom surgery eventually (will I though?)

bind my chest (b-cup tits)

happy to report some bottom growth (big clitty and wet pussy)

roleplay specific kinks:

misgendering, feminine terms of endearment, (forced) feminization, humiliation (including small penis/clit), dumbification, patronisation, praise (for acting femme/ admitting i'm a girl), breeding (no preg), and similar

roleplay insisting i must be female because you're attracted to me and you are a straight man/lesbian women

making me refer to myself with she/her pronouns

making me tell you my (fake) deadname

telling me that i'm not a real man

comparing me with real (cis or trans) men

using (and making me use) anatomical terms like clitoris, vagina, cervix or even cutesy, mocking names like clitty or cunny

telling me you'll fuck my ass like a real boy if i deny i'm a girl

making me watch/look at porn/nsfw content involving women and comparing me to them

trans men telling me I'm not a real man like them and that I'm just a fakeboy

asks or DMs, even with unsolicited pictures

tell me if you think of me while masturbating <3

(irl bio)

i'm 21, i go by Elliot, Elle, Ellie (or similar) online, i am the sort of enby/genderqueer that cannot be misgendered (i use any pronouns), i'm not looking for a relationship, just casual fun. i'm happily on hrt and i don't bind or plan on having top or bottom surgery. i'm AuDHD and chronically ill, and i'll be most active when i'm too tired/in pain to leave the house.

picrew <3

dividers by @cafekitsune, picrew from https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1342558

[its-a-hil]

it's so fucked up how the things i wrote years ago specifically about my insecurities continue to cut me so deeply.

why do i do this!

(example in readmore, cw for internalized transphobia)

like. i wrote this in february 2021. nearly a year before i started hrt. and this single of my identity has been all but completely resolved. and still. it fucking hurts so much to read.

the kind of thing that makes me wonder if i'll ever be free of the pain i forced onto myself for no reason. ugh. i should go to sleep.

i wish i could hug past versions of myself. more than anything.