#cwc2015

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The black magic look #alternativeboys #cwc2015 #ozzyosbourne #dccomics #planetcomiconexclusive #hotnerdguys #walmart (at Walmart Overland Park - Frontage Rd)

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Michael20656002

RT @thechadsa: Ajinkya Rahane, the Rahul David of the modern day Indian cricket team #proteafire #sscricket #CWC2015

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[indigoelevendesign]

Cricket World Cup 2015, starting tomorrow!!!!! Go BLACKCAPS!

[sportbygettyimages]

By @ryanpierse 'Rise Australia' #gogold #CWC2015 #cricket #ausvnz #melbourne #australia @mcg1853 @cricketworldcup @cricketcomau @gettysport @gettyimages #micro

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[georgebailey2]

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BabyCollier4

RT @thechadsa: Ajinkya Rahane, the Rahul David of the modern day Indian cricket team #proteafire #sscricket #CWC2015

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[wellthatsnotcricketvirat-blog]

In Which Marsh Reviews The Performances Of All The Nations In Pool B, Except For UAE And Zimbabwe Because She Got Tired. (Includes Sri Lanka Because Today Is QF D-Day.)

By Marshi (exclusively)

(With some less than impressive photoshoppin' attempts by Tayla)

        Tayla loves Virat Kohli. That is a fact. She doesn’t know this yet. That is also a fact*. You know what else is a fact? This World Cup is the BEST EVER. Look at these tweets for proof.

Veteran cricket commentator Harsha Bhogle had only positive things to say.

Former Aussie spin bowler Shane Warne chimed in with his words of wisdom.

Even England captain Eoin Morgan could not resist joining the debate, in tweets he sent to my cat, (also named Morgan).

        With such overwhelming evidence as the to Bestness of this World Cup, we can conclude that #CWC2015 is ALREADY better than ANYTHING 2019 HAS TO OFFER.

        Now to the cricket. Personally, this new format has been as satisfying as getting to try all the flavours of ice cream in your favourite ice cream shop, free of charge. (Of course later you find out that all those extra scoops, the ones that actually made the experience interesting, will be charged to your account four years from now and you will never get to eat them ever again.)

Oh well. Time to review the ice cream anyway. As the injury-prone Aussie skipper once said:

INDIA

    India are the hustlers of this World Cup. Just before the WC, they lounged around pretending to be shit and as soon as they entered the tournament proper, they became pretty jam good. Dhawan has made a couple of hundreds, Sharma has been decent, Kohli less so and Raina has been pretty valuable. Their bowling was ABSOLUTELY AWFUL in their Test series and then the Tri-Series, but then they got good??? Shami deserves all the mentions, especially.

It is interesting how, out of all the opposition India have faced, Ireland and Zimbabwe did more damage than any of the full member teams, and it could be a dent in their armour before they play Bangladesh in the QF - but ultimately they’ll probably win and go through to the semi at least. Unless they spontaneously combust. Which is always a possibility with Kohli.

Oops.

SOUTH AFRICA

    Saffers are usually known as chokers but this time they barely bit whatever it is they're eating. I like to think of it as a subway sandwich. With extra pickles. I’m not sure why I’m writing them off this early but this was no way for the best ODI team in the world to behave at a World Cup! True, AB has been fabulous but not in a rough setting. He’s a diamond in a very shiny setting. Shiny like gold. So, a diamond exactly where you’d expect it to be. They’ll play Sri Lanka, and though it could go either way, I’d put my ice cream money on the Lankans.

WEST INDIES

    I was ready to write the Windies off after Ireland beat them, but they’ve stood up, shaky and on one wooden leg, but still standing. They don’t seem to be playing convincingly, unless they’re trying to convince someone that they aren’t very good. Okay, so they went past 300 twice, and Gayle got a 200 but remember what Morgan said about runs in this world cup, they’re absolutely bogus, that’s a fact*.

They play NZ in the QF and I’d say they haven’t got a chance unless NZ perform spectacularly badly, like if Baz forgets to wave his bat or something, and Boult and Southee bolt south for a romantic rendezvous rather than turning up to the game. And they play with balls of cheese.

(Tayla doesn't know what this 'balls of cheese' thing means but…)

PAKISTAN

    Also shaky. They’re like a submarine that has soft, delicious, saucy meat at both ends but is only bread in the middle. That win against South Africa was pretty spectacular though, and it just goes to show that Pakistanis hurling balls in the last few overs can be very intimidating and lose you a match. If they can keep that strength in their death bowling, with Misbah-ul-Haq (who has got 50+ in 4 matches) and the likes of Shehzad and Ahmed piling up some runs, they might have a sparkly chance against Australia, who haven’t been particularly dominant either. They’re Pakistan. Anything could happen. They’re the dark horse. The apocalyptic one. The one that DEATH is riding.

IRELAND

    They may have lost a place in the QFs because the Windies had a better run rate, but Ireland did not give their ice cream back without a fight and now captain William is a ball of frothy rage, and rightly so. We’re looking at you, 2019 World Cup *glares*.

They won more matches than England, but that’s not saying much (serves the ECB right, thieving Poms). They’ve batted well, with Joyce, Porterfield, and both the O’Brien’s chipping in, as well as Wilson and Stirling. Cusack and Dockrell have been good. Hopefully their success will turn into more long-term growth, and people will start taking them seriously. Also, duck, Porterfield is still firing.

SRI LANKA

I come from Sri Lanka and I accidentally wrote my own country’s name as Sangakkara. He’s casually making and breaking records with the same ease he makes crab soup with, if he ever makes crab soup, because he’s just so smooth. Like the crab soup he probably doesn’t make, Sri Lanka weren’t doing too well just before the WC either, but maybe that’s because they were playing the SuperMegaHeroes of the tournament New Zealand. Then they lost to Zimbabwe in a warm-up match but we shall not speak of that (any longer). Dilshan has been superb too, Malinga has gone wicketless in only one match and Dushmantha Chameera is the sweetest little thing, but shh that isn’t relevant. Not having Herath hasn’t been easy, but their bowling can make the Saffers look weak. They do have sassy medium pacers after all.

*For the purposes of this article, the meaning of the term ‘fact’ has come to be defined as ‘things Marshi says are right.’

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Leaders of Men: ICC 2015 Cricket World Cup team captains gather for a group picture during the Opening Ceremony at Melbourne's Sidney Myer Music Bowl. See more pictures from Thursday's Opening Ceremony: http://gtty.im/1uK8bmy

[georgebailey2]

George Bailey decided to wear his sub vest to the team’s reception in Melbourne today #classic

[proteafirefan]

riamocworkphin1

RT @Mickaeelzuher: Getting embarrassed by mcCallum .. Come on proteas #SSCricket #CWC2015 #ProteaFire

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[fcmessi]

excuse me u hit jordi i hit u

[wellthatsnotcricketvirat-blog]

In Which Marsh Writes Some More Funny Shiz (Pool A, Suckaz) Yet Still Passes Tayla The Task Of Coming Up With A Title Because She Didn't Learn Her Lesson Last Time (+ The Pool B’ers she missed last time)

By Marshi with Zero Contribution From Tayla

(and MOAR photoshop’n realnezz by Tayla) (by ‘real’, Marsh just means really bad)

Now that I lost the ice cream money I put on Sri Lanka and the whole country is in mourning because our biggest OTP/Bromance won’t diss Kohli’s new ads over crab soup in the dressing rooms anymore and Bangladesh broke our hearts because India did not spontaneously combust (though Rubel and Mortaza looked like they were seriously close to it at all times), let’s wrap this review up with Group A because they are the bestest, fabuloustest, most good-looking bunch ever. Seriously, have you seen the Scottish uniforms? Plaid is back and it’s here to stay.

UAE

UAE were one of my favourite flavours of ice cream. Yeah, they didn’t win anything, but the support group for losers is bigger than the one for winners so you gain more friends that way, right? Anyway, these guys are just the sweetest. None of them are full-time professional cricketers but they gave a solid performance and I hope that’s not patronising because I sure as hell don’t mean it to be. They were determined, and they were competitive, especially Shaiman Anwar, who batted like he’d eaten a scoop of chilli ice cream just before each of his innings (except that last one, shh). The matches against Zim and Ire were killer good, and none of the big guns got to stream roll them.

ZIMBABWE

Zimmers started off well, winning against Sri Lanka in a warm-up match. They then proceeded to scare every single team they went up against, most notably India, but they only managed to beat UAE. If Anwar was licking chilli ice cream, Zimbabwe was on frozen wasabi – streamlined, disciplined, and only consumable in the small doses. Let’s hope they serve us a huge scoop in the future. Brendan Taylor was the Big Damn Hero, scoring 433 runs altogether - putting him behind only Sanga in this WC. Losing him will be tough, but Sean Williams was pretty cool too. They can go home holding their ice cream high.

NEW ZEALAND

This is New Zealand’s year. Their ice-cream scoop has plopped off their cone and fallen onto the sidewalk many, many times but this time they are going to stuff their faces. Twice, however, they’ve been reduced to lurking warily, shielding their cone with one hand as Australia and Bangladesh laugh and poke them, leering at the way their batting collapses when BB and Williamson don’t smash every ball out of the park. Their bowling, however, is as solid as a bolted coffin that hasn’t gone South yet (Tayla’s pun was way better). Speaking of Boult, in 2008 he made the interesting move of leaving his career in music (he was the lead singer of Linkin Park) and joining cricket full time. Chris Martin has since retired but it doesn’t change the fact that NZ are literal rockstars. They play West Indies in the QF and it shouldn’t be much of a problem. Balls of cheese, mate. Balls of cheese.

AUSTRALIA

More Mitchells than bails, as many Mitchells as stumps and almost as many Mitchells as stumps and bails together, this Aussie team is cooler than a crateful of iced milo on a hot day. That NZ/Aus match was dubbed ‘Best Game Ever’ by my cat, and it had the electricity and excitement of a final. This team is not entirely dominant, though. They’re prone to collapsing (NO WE AREN'T, MARSH. That was one time. [I don't know why you let me edit these]) and Watto literally melts sometimes (because he’s made of butter). But they’re a bunch of fighters who can’t be beaten until the very last ball. Starc and Marsh have two of the best bowling figures and Starc has the second highest number of wickets in the tournament, (currently - top bowler fluctuates like crazy) so Aussie’s bowling attack is as on point as Xavier’s hair (seriously, that wins Best Gelled Hair of the tournament). They play Pakistan and let’s be honest, that can be as unpredictable as a street fight between Superman and a burger that may or may not have a shard of kryptonite stuck in it. (UPDATE: OMG THAT GAME.)

BANGLADESH

Bangladesh deserves to be here. Is it a fluke or an upset that they beat England? Absolutely not. Bangladesh may have lost to India (because Rohit invested in fire-proof batting gear) but that doesn’t discount their trail to the quarter finals. ALSO, THEY DISMISSED KOHLI FOR 3 OR SUMTHIN ASDFGHJKL. They chased 318 against Scotland, solidly beat Afghanistan, kicked the Poms out of the stadium (and the tournament L O L), and veered dangerously close to pushing NZ’s ice cream out of its cone. Mahmudullah’s hundreds were wicked awesome, and Shakib Al Hasan, Mushy and Rubel being pretty cool as well. Rock on, Tigers.

Because you all need to look at this some more.

ENGLAND

A hot mess.

No, really. Okay, fine. Bad-terrible-worst-ever-very-not-good management, Eoin’s face is heart-breaking, half the members of that team did not deserve that and we sure don’t want another Ashes in 2019 and the ECB is Voldemort. If you want more in-depth analysis, check out KP’s tweets. (And Piers Morgan's. If you're not an English fan.)

[Tayla tried to do a thing but she couldn’t find the data on funny jokes, sorry.]

AFGHANISTAN

First off, they gave cricket a meaning again, playing with a passion that reached out to their many fans. Second, that one win over Scotland was the most exciting match since NZ/Aus and Ire/UAE, which just goes to show that if we didn’t have our new flavours of ice cream, the multitude of one-sided matches would’ve jaded us into non-shiny territory. Afghanistan helped keep things shiny. Shenwari is definitely a Big Damn Hero, and Zadran chipped in with his scalps. Can someone make a movie about them, please? I’d give up watching England for the next three years if someone did this. Please?

#don’t question me on this one

SCOTLAND

Despite Davey’s dashing good looks - er, I mean wickets, Scotland just weren’t as compelling as they could have been. There were some good individual performances from Berrington, Wardlaw, Machan and Coetzer but they never moved into ice cream-grabbing mode. The WC was still richer because of them. Best uniforms by far!!!

In conclusion, my predictions are that NZ will beat Aus in the final (India will have spontaneously combusted by then because Kohli really is the seventh horcrux), Watson will have written and performed a song about it (with Brett Lee obvs), and Tayla will be on her way to destroying VoldECBmort.