#dave olson

[uncleweed]

very generous lovely comments – to an interview with interview about my Jack #Kerouac and other related literary projects with @simon_warner and his fantastic newsletter.

Please, truly take a moment to read

[kk]

Community Shout-Outs: People & Projects to Check Out

Ever wondered what it's like to be part of a network that's making waves across diverse fields, from AI and music to sports and fashion? Join me as we shine a spotlight on these trailblazers, and launch a new way to stay connected in this fast-paced world

The world is opening up and things are really starting to take off fast all around me. People are travelling again and getting together in person … and the AI renaissance has just begun. In an effort to keep in better touch with my community I’ve been putting some infrastructure in place to help keep me organized and in close touch with my friends, family and colleagues. I’ve started a podcast,…

[bandcampsnoop]

4/28/25.

Stephen Hunking. I knew I knew the name. When looking at the amazing cast of characters for Dromedary Records pre-order of Dew Claw "E.L.F.", I saw that Stephen Hunking wrote all the songs. I first looked him up on Discogs and saw that he was a member of Hypnolovewheel. That reminded me of another Bandcamp post that had a former member of Hypnolovewheel. We posted about Dan Cuddy's band The Special Pillow back in December 2023. But that didn't explain Stephen Hunking. Turns out Hunking was the artist behind the two Grand Union 7"s covered back in 2018 (it looks like those 7"s aren't on Bandcamp anymore - find them!!).

Armed with all that information I listened to the two available tracks from "E.L.F.". Like Grand Union before it, Dew Claw (Camas, Washington) has some amazing guests - Dave Rick, Kurt Bloch, Gary Olson, Arne Kjelsrud Mathisen and  Frode Strømstad (both of I Was A King and The No Ones).

[juicemagazine]

Daggers Party with Robert Rusler and Thrashin Movie

“Thrashin’… 1986… Two skateboarding gangs battle each other for supremacy…” Dagger or Ramp Local???!!! Join in as JUICE celebrates skateboarding and filmmaking with an encore screening of the cult classic, THRASHIN’. in honor of Alan Sacks. JUICE will also be celebrating THE DAGGERS 25TH BIRTHDAY with stars from the movie, ROBERT RUSLER a.k.a. TOMMY HOOK as special guests for JUICE TALKS with…

[charmac]

Dave & John Chernin recently, from the Season 17 writers room:

Also for those not aware, the Chernin brothers are the duo who stepped away from Sunny to create "The Mick" (starring Kaitlin Olson). Some Dee-centric episodes this season are definitely in our favour :)

[usafphantom2]

FG-1D Corsair BuNo 92050: A Storied Warbird Finds a New Home with Timmermans Legends of Flight - Vintage Aviation News

Published January 24, 2025

As recently announced by AirClassics magazine on its Facebook page, Mackenzie Cline of the Timmermans Legends of Flight has acquired Goodyear FG-1D Corsair BuNo 92050/N194G through Mark Clark’s Courtesy Aircraft. Located at Chatham-Kent Airport in Ontario, Canada, the Corsair has a long and fascinating history and is a significant addition to the collection, which includes TF-51D Mustang C-FPWT, Sea Fury FB.11 C-FPSF, and Spitfire Mk. XVIII C-GANI, Bf 109G-6 C-FDOR, and Blayd Zero N8280K.

FG-1D Corsair BuNo 92050: A Storied HistoryA New Chapter in Canadian Skies

1 DSC 5272 lo res

Photo by Greg Morehead

Back in October, Timmermans Legends of Flight, a privately-owned vintage warbird collection belonging to Peter and Annie Timmermans, announced the acquisition of a Nakajima-built A6M2 Model 21 Zero through Platinum Fighter Sales. This historic aircraft, s/n 1498, is now part of their growing collection, based at Chatham-Kent Airport in Ontario, Canada.

1941 Nakajima A6M 2 Model 21 Zero Air to Air 2 1

Photo via Platinum Fighter Sales

FG-1D Corsair BuNo 92050: A Storied History

Accepted by the U.S. Navy on May 12, 145, FG-1D Corsair BuNo 92050, had a dynamic post-war history. Initially assigned to naval reserve squadrons across the U.S., the aircraft was retired from service in 1954 with 1,491 flight hours. It was sold to a civilian in 1958 for $259 and passed through several owners. In the 1960s, it underwent racing modifications, including engine and structural changes, but saw limited success on the air racing circuit.

1 FG 1D 92050 Ex NAAF Salem OR May 31 1957 Doug Olson via Jim Sullivan

Seen here at ex-NAAF Salem, Oregon on May 31, 1957, when FG-1D BuNo 92050 was stricken from Navy inventory on September 9, 1954, it had flown just 1,491.7 hours. Photo: Dave Ostrowski via Jim Sullivan

By the 1970s, it was stored in Colorado, where it remained until being loaned to the Wings Over the Rockies Air & Space Museum in 1999. In 2012, the Warbird Heritage Foundation (WHF) acquired the aircraft and began a meticulous restoration at Tab Air, Ltd. in Wisconsin. The restoration took nearly a decade, focusing on airworthiness while preserving some modifications. The aircraft was finished in a paint scheme honoring NAS Glenview and the Great Lakes training carriers Wolverine and Sable, which played a vital role in World War II carrier pilot training. In 2021, the Corsair flew its first post-restoration flight and has since been displayed at airshows, delighting enthusiasts. Its story highlights its naval history and the contributions of training carriers in preparing pilots for combat during WWII. Stephen Chapis wrote a fascinating article detailing the history of this aircraft, which you can read HERE.

1 FG 1D 92050 N194G Stead Airport Reno 1969 2

The racing career of 92050 was less than successful. In the four races Mitchem competed in 1970 & ’72, he came in third, fourth (twice) and fifth. Photo- Stephen Chapis collection

A New Chapter in Canadian Skies

Congratulations to Timmermans Legends of Flight for this significant acquisition. This historic Corsair joins an impressive fleet and will undoubtedly captivate warbird enthusiasts when it takes to the Canadian skies. We look forward to seeing FG-1D BuNo 92050 continue its storied journey and inspire future generations with its remarkable history. For more information about the Timmermans Legends of Flight, visit the website or the Facebook page.

Timmermans Legends of Flight

[evehazbinrewrite]

EVE voice of the main cast ( headcanons )

Eve: Halle Bailey

Adam: Daveed Daniele Diggs

Lucifer: Zachary Levi

Lilith: Coco Jones

Daria: Olivia Olson

Lute: Jessica Vosk

The Voice of God: Christine Ebersole

[movies-to-add-to-your-tbw]

Title: Point Break

Rating: R

Director: Kathryn Bigelow

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Lori Petty, Gary Busey, John C. McGinley, James Le Gros, John Philbin, BoJesse Christopher, Lee Tergesen, Chris Pedersen, Vincent Klyn, Julian Reyes, Daniel Beer, Anthony Kiedis, Dave Olson, Christopher Pettiet, Sydney Walsh

Release year: 1991

Genres: thriller, action, crime

Blurb: In Los Angeles, a gang of bank robbers who call themselves The Ex-Presidents commit their crimes while wearing masks of Reagan, Carter, Nixon, and Johnson. Believing that the members of the gang could be surfers, the F.B.I. sends young agent Johnny Utah to the beach undercover to mix with the surfers and gather information.

[niperiodic]

Folding Ideas: My Personal Favorites

Sometime last year I saw The Future is a Dead Mall for the first time, and as my first video from Dan Olson I can't say I was particularly hooked. Part of that was because the next few videos recommended to me were Line Goes Up, and Jamie Oliver's War on Chicken Nuggets which are really long and I don't really care about respectively. However, having gotten really into his videos recently I kind of just wanted to post something about it, so here's my list of my favorite 8 videos of his.

I Don't Know James Rolfe

It's just, so damn good. The framing of a retrospective on Dan life and career as a pseudo-takedown video on someone he claims to share some kinship with combined with a performed midlife crisis. Just absolutely brilliant. As far as particular draws for this video: the shot were Dan gets really angry at the camera while talking about how hard it is, while sitting underneath a projection of James is easily my favorite thing Dan has ever made.

2) This is Financial Advice

A thorough autopsy of the Gamestop squeeze and the followers of the meme stock movement with a few of my favorite gags of Dan's, also my favorite character of his (I'm new here). While a far more thorough video than Jauwn's video on Kais Maalej when it comes to the big picture both are very solid videos in their own right.

3) In Search of a Flat Earth

To be completely honest this is not a great Flat Earth video. It's good and it has quite a few incredible parts but I don't think it's as good as Hbomberguy's or Philosophy Tube's and especially not Professor Dave's. However, this is the single best video I've seen on Qanon. Also the descriptor Esoteric Fictionalism is really good

4)The Future is a Dead Mall

Of his 2 videos on defi I think this is the stronger of Dan's, and I think that's for a few reasons. Namely because he's able to attack the idea of the Metaverse more directly than he's able to attack anything during Line Goes Up, but maybe I just don't remember it as well.

5) Line Goes Up

NFT's are really fascinating and Dan does a really good job of covering them, it's just there's a few other youtubers who also make great videos on NFT's and crypto as their main focus, namely Jauwn and Coffeezilla.

6)The Art of Editing and Suicide Squad

A really good video on a pretty bad movie. It covers a lot of the problems in the movie and how despite several of them being caused by studio overreach it just wasn't going to be a particularly good movie. Also El Diablo is far and away the best character in the movie .

7)The Darkmoon Fiasco

Short sweet to the point.

8)Contrepreneurs: The Mikkelsen Twins

Dan writes a book about hypnosis. also he makes a whole video off of ads that just kind of annoyed him, he does the same thing for the Idris Elba Gold Doc which is also a great video but I think this one is the better of the 2.

[unofskylanderspages]

Listed below are the credited voice cast members for Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure:

Josh Keaton as Spyro

Daniel Hagen as Master Eon

Sumalee Montano as Cali

Patrick Warburton as Flynn

Michael Yurchak as Hugo

Kevin Michael Richardson as Stump Smash

Freddie Winston as Additional Skylander voices (uncredited)

Steven Blum as Auric/Additional Voices

Laura Bailey as Persephone

Chris Cox as Glumshanks

Anthony Hansen as Wendel

Richard Steven Horvitz as Kaos

James Haron as Fargus

Dave Wittenberg as Hektore

Other Additional voices: Jeff Bergman, Fred Tatasciore, Keith Silverstein, Dave Wittenberg, David Lodge, Liam O'Brien, Jen Olson, Thomas Bromhead, Salli Saffioti, Cam Clarke, Kathryn Cressida, Hunter Davis, Roger Jackson, Neil Kaplan, John Kassir, André Sogliuzzo, Keith Szarabajka, Lani Minella, David Markus, Bruce Lanoil, Hope Levy, Lloyd Sherr, Courtenay Taylor, Amanda Wyatt

[brookstonalmanac]

Birthdays 10.7

Beer Birthdays

Paul Reising (1819)

Charles Stegmeier (1821)

William Treadwell Van Nostrand (1821)

Amund Ringnes (1840)

Alfred Haunold (1929)

Tomme Arthur (1973)

Five Favorite Birthdays

Niels Bohr; Danish mathematician (1885)

Howard Chaykin; comic book artist, writer (1950)

Clive James; Australian critic (1939)

Yo-Yo Ma; cellist (1955)

Charles Woodson; Green Bay Packers SS (1976)

Famous Birthdays

Diane Ackerman; writer (1948)

John White Alexander; artist (1856)

Sherman Alexie; writer (1966)

June Allyson; actor (1917)

Dylan Baker; actor (1959)

Imamu Amiri Baraka; writer (1934)

Joy Behar; comedian, television host (1942)

Toni Braxton; pop singer (1967)

Simon Cowell; television host (1959)

Kevin Godley; rock drummer (1945)

David Hope; rock drummer (1949)

Elizabeth Janeway; writer (1913)

"Papa" Jo Jones; jazz drummer (1911)

R.D. Laing; English psychiatrist (1927)

Judy Landers; actor (1961)

Al Martino; singer (1927)

Uncle Dave Mason; banjo player, singer, comedian (1870)

Rachel McAdams; actor (1976)

John "Cougar" Mellencamp; rock singer (1951)

Vaughn Monroe; bandleader (1911)

Elijah Muhammad; civil rights leader (1897)

Oliver North; ideologue, liar (1943)

Bree Olson; adult actress (1986)

James Whitcomb Riley; poet (1849)

Caesar Rodney; signer of the Declaration of Independence (1728)

Dan Savage; writer (1964)

Jayne Torvill; English figure skater (1957)

Desmond Tutu; African activist (1931)

Thom Yorke; English rock musician (1968)

[mangowavves]

a mistake (spotify wrapped 2023 on steroids)

here's the top 100 from both of my accounts. and i mean both. i used two different accounts this year. meaning it's a top 187 :3

links will be supplied at the bottom in case you'd rather look at them that way

version one

1. ramen waitress - high sunn 2. hunter's moon - ghost 3. how to never stop being sad - dandelion hands 4. rats - ghost 5. ghuleh / zombie queen - ghost 6. the bug collector - haley heynderickx 7. nova scotia 500 - boyscott 8. ode to joy 2 - remo drive 9. per aspera ad inferi - ghost 10. where the sun sets - mars water 11. what a pleasure - beach fossils 12. seventeen (age) - mike krol 13. year zero - ghost 14. glass jaw - chokecherry 15. american spirits - inner wave 16. fifteen minutes - mike krol 17. kiss the go-goat - ghost 18. ever new - beverly glenn-copeland 19. visions - loving 20. dræm girl - no vacation 21. jigolo har megiddo - ghost 22. song for a guilty sadist - crywank 23. her sinking sun - coma cinema 24. lotus eater - foster the people 25. mummy dust - ghost 26. hospital beach - cottonwood firing squad 27. evergreen - richy mitch & the coal miners 28. what once was - her's 29. con clavi con dio - ghost 30. grade school love - mike krol 31. my blueberry life - current joys 32. clay pigeons - michael cera 33. call me little sunshine - ghost 34. the end - sisyphus 35. gnaw - alex g 36. i exist i exist i exist - flatsound 37. dance macabre - ghost 38. orgasm of death - the growlers 39. using - sorority noise 40. disco - surf curse 41. cirice - ghost 42. swing lynn - harmless 43. stress relief - late night drive home 44. boys - indigo de souza 45. jesus he knows me - ghost 46. red minivan - mike krol 47. blond hair, black lungs - sorority noise 48. smokey eyes - lincoln 49. twenties - ghost 50. ash in the sun - vundabar 51. kids - the frights 52. francis forever - mitski 53. square hammer - ghost 54. alien blues - vundabar 55. ***hidden track*** - prince daddy & the hyena 56. nostalgic feel - bedroom 57. faith - ghost 58. misty morning - travis bretzer 59. killing floor - subvision 60. fine, great - modern baseball 61. i'm a marionette - ghost 62. losing touch (nyc) - thanks for coming 63. make out song - the rosebuds 64. forever dumb - surf curse 65. monstrance clock - ghost 66. two weeks - grizzly bear 67. the gaping mouth - lowertown 68. art school wannabe - sorority noise 69. kaisarion - ghost 70. need 2 - pinegrove 71. you are going to hate this - the frights 72. velvet ring - big thief 73. ritual - ghost 74. rip van winkle - shannon & the clams 75. like a star - mike krol 76. i dreamt i saw you in a dream - sunbeam sound machine 77. watcher in the sky - ghost 78. maud gone - car seat headrest 79. natural disaster - mike krol 80. where'd all the time go? - dr. dog 81. griftwood - ghost 82. morning sun - dave bixby 83. glue - p.h.f. 84 idk - fake tides 85. stand by him - ghost 86. all alone - acid ghost 87. everything is going to hell - teen suicide 88. best supporting actor - good morning 89. spillways - ghost 90. cold weather - glass beach 91. woke up - olivia olson 92. heart attack - mike krol 93. from the pinnacle to the pit - ghost 94. nothing lasts - bedroom 95. enjoy yourself - saint pepsi 96. s.w.a.k. - luxary elite 97. crucified - ghost 98. resonance - home 99. 恢复 - 2 8 1 4 100. a sad song about a girl i no longer know - bedroom kites

version two

1. the village - wrabel 2. get fucked - mustard service 3. unlucky - lunar vacation 4. dancing through the telephone - the axidents 5. i think it might be hell - clarence james 6. common sense - benches 7. want me - baby queen 8. a portrait of - sorority noise 9. like or like like - miniature tigers 10. keep two-stepping - pretoria 11. smokey eyes - lincoln (48) 12. hanging from the ceiling - the velveteins 13. eventualities - daddy's beemer 14. card declined for pizza & wine - stevie dinner 15. fear of heights - daddy's beemer 16. why do you lie - the grinns 17. stay - buddah trixie 18. jesus he knows me - ghost (45) 19. demons - m.a.g.s. 20. shrek~chic - winona forever 21. why am i like this? - orla gartland 22. dogs - nouns 23. drought - carpool tunnel 24. where did my pets go? - furnsss 25. sea dogs & pyrite - soft cough 26. a.c.l. - the symposium 27. jaded - near tears 28. cowboy hat - sea ghost 29. typical - goodbye honolulu 30. nova scotia 500 - boyscott (7) 31. red minivan - mike krol (46) 32. like i care - noah nolastname 33. girls - girls in red 34. corpse - franky flowers 35. grade school love - mike krol (30) 36. dance with me - beabadoobee 37. dover beach - baby queen 38. lovesick - peace 39. like a star - mike krol (75) 40. sappho - frankie cosmos 41. colours of you - baby queen 42. too close - sir chloe 43. easy eyes - archer oh 44. strawberry milk - deep sea peach tree 45. art school wannabe - sorority noise (68) 46. pine point - pup 47. 27 club - strange case 48. blackout control - spendtime palace 49. kids - the frights (51) 50. where the sun sets - mars water (10) 51. the spins - mac miller 52. shred cruz - mom jeans 53. evergreen - richy mitch & the coal miners (27) 54. my only friend - lll spector 55. kim - joy again 56. don't delete the kisses - wolf alice 57. grass eater - the mellowells 58. call me - elevator fight club 59. if you want to - beabadoobee 60. lucid - rina sawayama 61. don't leave me (chapter 1: despair) - hmltd 62. buzzkill - baby queen 63. any other way - tomberlin 64. because i love you - montaigne 65. fever dream - mxmtoon 66. alaska - maggie rogers, toby green 67. i want to be with you - chloe moriondo 68. paper mache world - matilda mann 69. close to you - dayglow 70. telephone - waterparks 71. 14 days - floral tattoo 72. april - beach bunny 73. let's go - stuck in the sound 74. d'you have a car - swrms 75. soapbox sunday - courier club 76. dance macabre (37) 77. ode to joy 2 - remo drive (8) 78. star catcher - vansire 79. cut your bangs - radiator hospital 80. our window - noah and the whale 81. yer killin' me - remo drive 82. my own person - ezra williams 83. angel - lava la rue 84 clearest blue - chvrches 85. flirting with her - sir babygirl 86. heart - flor 87. what's it gonna be - shura 88. tired - beabadoobee 89. urbanangel1999 - thomas headen 90. knock me off my feet - soak 91. you are going to hate this - the frights (71) 92. nothing else i can do - ella jane 93. moment in the sun - sunflower bean 94. bang bang bang - lauren hibberd 95. imposter syndrome - sidney gish 96. natalie portman 2002 - jason is 97. nobody loves you - similar kind 98. i want to kiss you - the spook school 99. turtleneck sweater - marinelli 100. satan's hands - sexy girls

links for the impatient :3

[therecordchanger62279]

THE HALLOWEEN MASTER PLAYLIST

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and listening to some spooky music and watching horror films is mandatory if you’re really going to get into the spirit of the thing. (I eat candy, and dress like a hobo year-round, so that part of it was a given.) So I thought I’d post a master playlist of seasonal music a few weeks early in case any of you wanted to put something together for your own enjoyment, or maybe a Halloween party you might be planning.

Thinking outside the box (or coffin, if you prefer) I managed to do it without using Monster Mash or The Purple People Eater. But, there are roughly a hundred titles here, and I promise you if you turn down the lights, and close your eyes when you begin listening to it, you’ll have turned every light in the house back on, and double-locked every door.

Happy haunting.

Halloween Theme (Main Title) – John Carpenter

Alison Gross – Steeleye Span

Black Magic Woman – Santana

Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath

Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) – Concrete Blonde

Black Night – Deep Purple

Dancing With Mr. D. – Rolling Stones

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult

The Ghost – Fleetwood Mac

Jekyll and Hyde – Renaissance

Knife Edge – Emerson, Lake & Palmer

L’America – The Doors

Rainbow Demon – Uriah Heep

Runnin’ With The Devil – Van Halen

Witchy Woman – The Eagles

Welcome To My Nightmare – Alice Cooper

Witch’s Promise – Jethro Tull

Tubular Bells (Opening Theme) – Mike Oldfield

Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

Burn – Deep Purple

The Creature From The Black Lagoon – Dave Edmunds

Frankenstein – Edgar Winter Group

Ghost Town – The Specials

Headless Cross – Black Sabbath

Hungry Wolf – X

Marquee Moon – Television

Moon Over Bourbon Street – Sting

Rhiannon – Fleetwood Mac

Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) – David Bowie

The Super-Natural – John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers

Voodoo Child (Slight Return) – Jimi Hendrix Experience

Werewolves of London – Warren Zevon

The Wizard – Black Sabbath

The Witch Queen of New Orleans – Redbone

Dark Shadows Theme/Collinwood - Robert Cobert Orchestra

The Shadow Knows – Link Wray & His Wraymen

Billy The Monster – The Deviants

I Want Candy – The Strangeloves

Spooky – Classics IV

Crimson Witch – The Moving Sidewalks

Psychotic Reaction – Count Five

She Lives (In A Time of Her Own) – 13th Floor Elevators

Fire Poem – The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

Fire – The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

The Witch – The Sonics

Tombstone Shadow – Creedence Clearwater Revival

Sympathy For The Devil – Rolling Stones

Children of the Grave - Black Sabbath

Jack The Ripper / The Black Widow - Link Wray

Mr. Crowley / Bark At The Moon - Ozzy Osbourne

Riders On The Storm - The Doors

Lock Up The Wolves - Dio

Distant Ghost - Del Shannon

Might Just Take Your Life - Deep Purple

There's No Way Out of Here / Murder - David Gilmour

I'd Swear There Was Somebody Here - David Crosby

We Are The Dead - David Bowie

I Scare Myself - Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks

Run Through The Jungle - Creedence Clearwater Revival

Prelude-Nightmare - The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

Don't Put No Headstone On My Grave - Charlie Rich

I'm Your Witchdoctor - Chants R&B

Sway - Carla Olson & Mick Taylor

Evil - Cactus

The Jezebel Spirit - Brian Eno & David Byrne

Black Night - Bob Seger

Man In The Long Black Coat / The Wicked Messenger - Bob Dylan

I Love The Night / Hot Rails To Hell - Blue Oyster Cult

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath / Electric Funeral / Lady Evil / The Devil Cried / Devil and Daughter / Evil Eye - Black Sabbath

Black Cat Moan - Beck, Bogert & Appice

Red Temple Prayer (Two Headed Dog) - The Barracudas

Devil In My Car - The B 52's

Devil's Answer - Atomic Rooster

Sign of the Gypsy Queen - April Wine

The Four Horsemen - Aphrodite's Child

Black Hearted Woman - Allman Brothers Band

I Put A Spell On You / Little Demon - Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Evil Ways - Santana

Evil Hearted You - The Yardbirds

Evil Woman - Doobie Brothers

Evil Woman - Spooky Tooth

Evil - Edgar Broughton Band

Black Cadillac - Joyce Green

Black Angel's Death Song - Velvet Underground

Angel of Death / Raining Blood / Silent Scream / Spill The Blood / Hell Awaits / Death's Head - Slayer

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Snake Eyes chapter 2: Let the Games Begin (originally published on September 4, 2023)

AN: Now that we have our first chapter out of the way, I'm sure you're all wondering what the Crystal Gems were doing before they got captured by the Slytherophidians. Well, you won't have to ask any longer because this chapter will answer any questions you might have about what happened after the end of Little Homeworld Life and set up what's to come for the remainder of Snake Eyes. With that out of the way, let's get it started!

Synopsis: On the planet Serpentes, the Crystal Gems are forced to fight in gladiator death matches against captive warriors from across the stars.

Cast:

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Famethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, The Black Pearl Brigade, Yellow Pearl, Blue Pearl, Volleyball

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Charlyne Yi as Ruby, Eyeball

Erica Luttrell as Sapphire

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Lisa Hannigan as Blue Diamond

Christine Ebersole as White Diamond

Sarah Stiles as Spinel

Christine Baranski as Hessonite

Olivia Olson as Citrine

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Avi Roque as Cinnabar

Gina Torres as Andesine

Peter Cullen as Titanium

Jeffrey Combs as Mercury

Bumper Robinson as Gold

Aimee Mann as Opal

Neil Flynn as Aescul

Featuring Aurelio Voltaire as King Cobralan Jormagundr

Shirley Millner as Queen Constricta Jormagundr

Jason Marsden as Prince Nosiop Jormagundr

Cissy Jones as Princess Naja Jormagundr

Henry Rollins as Captain Boa

Keith David as Pyth

John Moschitta Jr. as Bialyoom Milamin

Stephanie Escajeda as Meinerr

Terrence C. Carson as The Decimator

Steven Blum as Earthos

Jim Ross as Jiross

Michael Buffer as Michauffer

Peter Linz as Heckler #1

And Dave Goelz as Heckler #2

--

A few weeks before the attack of the Slytherophidians, Beach City was in celebration. At long last, Black Rutile had been defeated yet again, this time possibly for good as she and her Gem supporters were taken to prison in the darkest depths of space, and now life could go back to normal. For the Gems, this moment has become even more special as now they can finally get back to planning Ruby and Sapphire's wedding anniversary. With the decorations hung back up and a new cake on the table, the party could finally get started.

"Happy anniversary!" the Crystal Gems and people of Beach City cried as they celebrated Ruby and Sapphire's marriage. Ruby and Sapphire were so delighted to have everybody come to such a momentous occasion, they both thought it was like a dream.

"I wish this moment could last forever," Ruby said as she scooped up her blue wife in her stubby red arms. "Of course, I already have you to do it."

"Oh stop, Wuby!" Sapphire laughed and started baby-talking to her significant other while Amethyst and Pearl watched from the refreshments table.

"Ah, this is livin', Pearl Jam." Amethyst sighed in relief while taking a big gulp of punch. "Maybe now, we can finally have some peace and quiet with Black Rutile out of the way."

"Don't count on it, Amethyst." Pearl shook her head in reply. "With the Crystal Gems, you just never know when danger will be around the corner. Though frankly, I'm concerned that we've been in a lot more trouble than usual lately."

"Like I said, hopefully, we can have some peace and quiet for now," Amethyst said optimistically. "Though if trouble does come our way, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be ready!"

"Nice to see you're so positive, Amethyst." Pearl laughed at Amethyst's remark as the two continued watching Ruby and Sapphire embrace each other. "That reminds me, we should start planning for Steven's birthday soon. I think he's turning 18 now."

"Wow, eighteen, I can't believe it." Greg sighed in disbelief as he sat by the two Gems with a slice of cake in hand. "Well, better break out some of the good beer to celebrate."

"Hey, save it for when he's 21!" Amethyst exclaimed. "Though you're free to give me some if you want. I promise this won't end up like the last time I went out drinking."

"Yep, I had to explain everything to Mr. Dewey." Pearl groaned at the memory while Greg and Amethyst laughed the day away. Yes, it seemed like the Crystal Gems could finally return to their happily ever after, but unfortunately, this wouldn't last for long.

---

About three weeks later, Little Homeworld has come under attack. The Crystal Gems had received an urgent message from Peridot that a group of strange invaders had descended upon the town and were carting Gems off into their ship. The Crystal Gems raced to Little Homeworld as soon as it ended and were ready for a fight as soon as they got off the Warp Pad.

"Okay you intruders, surrender our friends now and we won't have to hurt you!" Garnet exclaimed as she prepared her gauntlets and pointed them at the armored snakelike invader pointing a futuristic blaster at Teal Zircon's head.

"Well, well, well. The Crystal Gems." The invader said, turning his head to face the Gems ready to fight him. "Hey guys, the Crystal Gems are here!" The other masked snakes all stopped what they were doing and politely greeted the Gems, ignoring the fact that just now they were holding everyone at Little Homeworld hostage. "Hey wait a sec, shouldn't there be a human sidekick with you? About yay high, inherited his mother's gem and has some serious emotional issues. Ring any bells?"

"Unfortunately, Steven is not with us right now." Pearl declared. "But that won't stop us from taking you down!"

"Then, by all means, come and get us." The snake leader proclaimed before firing from his blaster, only to be deflected by Lapis shielding the Crystal Gems with her water wings. "Watch out, they got a Lapis Lazuli!"

"Everyone spread out and get everyone away from these snakes!" Jasper commanded the other Crystal Gems before spin-dashing straight into the snakes' leader.

"Oh, you think we are snakes, eh?" the leader snake confidently said. "Perhapsss you'd like to ssssee how ssssnake-like we can BE!" Retracting his visor to reveal his reptilian face, the snake bared his fangs and bit Jasper on the neck, causing her to yelp in pain and surprise. "Here I thought you Gems were stronger than that!"

Meanwhile, Pearl and Lapis had enlisted the help of the Lapis twins and the Black Pearl Brigade to fight back against the snakes. "Okay girls, you take the 50 on the left, we'll take the 50 on the right."

"Screw you, we'll take all 100!" Braids of the Black Pearl Brigade yelled as she charged into battle against the snakes.

"That's the spirit!" Zuli exclaimed before turning her wings into a pair of water fists to punch the snakes away. "DORARARARARARARA, DORA!"

"Did you have any idea of where they came from?" Pearl asked Cap while slashing away at a few snakes.

"We have no clue!" Cap exclaimed. "Just this morning, they descended from the sky and said they were going to enslave us all or something. Well, I don't believe I'll ever be a slave again!"

"That's what you think, Pearlie." Another of the snakes said before brandishing a pair of handcuffs and trying to restrain Cap with them, but Nacre and Pearl got in his way. "Unhand me, Gems!"

"We won't let you hurt any of our friends!" Pearl exclaimed.

"You sure about that?" the snake said before pointing with his tail at Garnet, Amethyst, White Topaz, and Bismuth already restrained, with Peridot and Jasper on the run. "Face it, ladies, you're all coming with us now."

"To where?" Laz asked before she was quickly taken down.

"To meet your makers, that is." The snake smirked with a hiss. "Cuff 'em, boys!" At his command, the invading snakes had all of the Crystal Gems herded onto their ship in handcuffs and forced onboard along with dozens of other abducted aliens for yet unknown purposes.

"How did we get defeated so easily?!" Jasper roared furiously. "I could've sworn we had them in the bag!"

"I don't know, they ran circles around us!" Peridot replied nervously. "And they said we were going to meet our makers or something! What does that mean?"

"It means we have a special friend waiting for you in our world." The snake carrying Peridot under his arm like a large package said before speaking into a wrist communicator. "Maverick to Goose, how are things holding up on Homeworld?"

---

"Goose to Maverick, we got 'em pretty easily." Another snake soldier stationed on Homeworld replied. "Turns out they shut down their entire military at the beginning of Era 3 except for a few mercenaries. It's like they were asking for us to overpower them!"

"I want a lawyer, I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!" Spinel yelled as she was tied up into a ball by a pair of snakes and rolled onboard their ship.

"You won't get away with his, Slytherophidians!" Yellow Diamond yelled as the Diamonds were given a special cell on the ship to accommodate their massive size. "The Crystal Gems will find you and you will soon pay!"

"Oh, don't get too cocky, because no one will miss you once you get slaughtered in the Contest of Champions." Goose sneered. "Guess that's what you get for slaughtering thousands over the years, trying to cover it up by saying you never destroyed a planet with sentient life, and brushed it all under the rug just because that pink brat is somehow still alive."

"Wait, a cover-up?" Yellow Pearl asked as she, Blue Pearl, and Volleyball were carted into a cell.

"Of course, there was a cover-up!" Goose explained. "What, you're their Pearls, you mean to tell me they don't trust you with any dark secrets? Oh wait, you're their Pearls, so they don't trust you with anything except standing around and looking cute."

"Hessonite, were you involved in this cover-up or whatever?" Citrine asked Hessonite in their cell.

"Yes, I did indeed lie about how some planets were completely barren once or twice," Hessonite admitted. "Like for example, remember what happened to Hosnian Prime?"

"I thought that was completely barren when you fired that giant laser at it," Citrine replied before the realization dawned on her. "Oooohhhhh noooooo."

"Yes, that was a part of us we refused to bring up for ages now." White Diamond declared. "I don't want to think of how Steven would react."

"We're already on thin ice with him as is, as the saying goes." Blue Diamond agreed.

"Okay, enough chit-chat, let's get this ship flying!" Goose commanded his subordinates as he pounded on the ship and ordered the vessel to start flying away from the Gem Homeworld.

---

Meanwhile, Maverick was piloting the ship that the Crystal Gems were on while his squad kept watch over their various extraterrestrial prisoners. In each specialized cell, their respective prisoners were kept under lock and key to prevent anyone from rebelling. In the Crystal Gems' cell, Pearl's face was pressed up against the glass barrier as a large hologram of an anthropomorphic king cobra dressed in regal attire activated to make an announcement.

"Good day to all my prisoners!" the snake greeted the reluctant passengers. "I am King Cobralan Jormagundr, the supreme ruler of the Slytherophidians of Serpentes, and I welcome you as the next generation of combatants in the Serpentes Contest of Champions! For those not in the know, we Slytherophidians live for gladiatorial combat, so we abduct species from across the universe to compete for our people's amusement. This was a tradition started eons ago by my beloved ancestor King Serpentes I, whom our beautiful planet was named for."

As King Cobralan continued explaining, he began presenting pictures of the Slytherophidians' home planet, which Pearl observed to have a fantasy-like architecture that seemed like a heavy mix of Indian, Egyptian, and Roman aesthetics. "You'll all be taken here to the Ouroborium, a very special arena built to suit the environments and needs of our competitors. And speaking of which, if you mess up or aren't seen as entertaining enough, there will be consequences."

To demonstrate, the scene changed to a pair of robots fighting each other before one of them suddenly blew up. And there was much rejoicing. "But don't you worry your pretty little heads, y'all!" Cobralan continued. "That's reserved for if everyone really hates you and wants you dead. But what are the odds of that happening, eh? And for our Gem friends in particular, we'll be keeping a close eye on you through your new producer! Give it up for the lovable Bialyoom Milamin and his beautiful assistant Meinerr!"

Automated clapping sounds began playing as a blue-skinned, birdlike humanoid in a fancy suit stepped forward along with a bronze-skinned woman in a power suit with her hair in a tight bun. "These two shall be your talent agents for the duration of your stay here, now play nice with them. And speaking of which, here we are on Serpentes now!"

Indeed, the ship had finally landed on the planet of the Slytherophidians, where the Gems would be forced into the biggest battle of their lives.

"I-do-declare, it-is-an-utmost-pleasure-to-be-serving-you-today-Crystal-Gems!" Bialyoom greeted the Gems. True to his last name, he was literally speaking a mile a minute. "I-had-served-as-producer-to-such-interesting-competitors-before-in-my-long-career, but-never-before-had-I-ever-dreamed-of-meeting-you!"

"Uh, could you repeat just about everything you said?" Amethyst asked, not understanding a word Bialyoom just said.

"You'll have to excuse my partner here, his species all talk faster than light." Meinerr apologized on Bialyoom's behalf before explaining herself. "What he is trying to say is that you are among the most unique competitors he has ever sponsored. With us, you are entitled to full merchandising and sponsorship rights for the duration of your stay, or however long you last in the games."

"Celebrity status again?" Pearl groaned disdainfully at the thought. "Look, we didn't even ask for this, we just wanted to live a normal, quiet life away from all of this. We literally just had this same escapade not too long ago!"

"Ah, so-you-have-experience-then!" Bialyoom exclaimed delightedly. "Then-you'll-fit-in-just-fine! Now-come-with-us, we-shall-show-you-to-your-accommodations!" As the ship landed in Serpentes's capital city of Alethinophidia, the Crystal Gems were escorted out and paraded through a crowd of cheering snakes toward the Ouroborium. In the near distance, another ship landed, and out came the Diamonds, but unlike the Crystal Gems, they were met with scorn and prejudice.

"Gems? This planet has really gone to the dogs." An elderly Slytherophidian in the crowd muttered disdainfully.

"That would require there to be dogs, to begin with!" another elderly Slytherophidian joked, causing the two to laugh at their joke.

---

At the Ouroborium, the Crystal Gems were shown to a rather lavish room where they'll be staying on Serpentes. There was a large chandelier hanging over them, a positively gorgeous rug beneath their feet, and all around them were paintings depicting the Slytherophidian royal family throughout the years. "Nice place we got here." White Topaz muttered in amazement. "I wish we could stay here forever!"

"Don't get too excited, we've been forced here against our will," Garnet said while sitting down on one of the plush couches. "Ooh, this is a nice couch. What material is it?"

"Some of the finest leathers in all of Serpentes," Meinerr answered. "But don't get too comfy, your first big battle is coming very soon!" She pulled out a tablet and began reading off of it. "You shall be pitted against three Metals in the competition, and it is absolutely recommended you slay them to gain the audience's approval."

"Wait, the Metals?! As in our ancient relatives created from the same cosmic deity, the Metals?!" Peridot exclaimed. "You have no idea what slaying them will do to our relationship with them, you clod!"

"Hey, we-don't-make-the-rules-here-Gems!" Bialyoom shrugged as a pair of snake guards grabbed Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and escorted them out of the room. "Now-go-on-and-make-us-proud!"

---

Soon, the original three Crystal Gems were taken into the Ouroborium, where true to what King Cobralan said, it was a massive arena filled with throngs of cheering snakes all excited about the carnage that was about to take place. Towering above their subjects in a special box was what Pearl assumed to be the royal family of Serpentes, including their ruler King Cobralan Jormagundr. Alongside him were Queen Constricta, a female constrictor snake sitting on a throne alongside her husband, and their two children; a female Indian cobra named Naja and a male black mamba named Nosiop, Captain Boa and Pyth, an Indian python who served as the family's grand vizier.

"Ah, there they are." Cobralan hissed with a smile. "I see they've made themselves comfortable. Naja, my darling daughter, would you care to introduce them to our adoring fans?"

"It would be my honor, Father." Naja smiled back at her father before grabbing a microphone with her tail and tossing it into her hand. "Welcome adoring fans of all scales to the 420,000th annual Serpentes Contest of Champions!"

"420, nice," Amethyst smirked before Pearl shot her a glare. "Come on, they knew what they were doing!"

"For this contest, we have some very special guests fighting for our entertainment here today!" Naja declared. "Please put your hands, tails, and other limbs together for the Crystal Gems!" The reception to the Crystal Gems was rather mixed. Many were excited to see such intergalactic celebrities on Serpentes today, but tons of others were eager to see Gems get the karma they deserve for the chaos they brought over thousands of years. "We have been keeping an eye on our ancient foes for eons, always plotting to invite them here but never quite catching up with them. But that all changes today! Which reminds me, our guests should find their opponents very familiar! Give it up for the Metals!"

The crowd began going wild as Titanium, Mercury, and Gold were forced out into the arena by Slytherophidian guards to combat Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. "The Crystal Gems, we meet at last." Titanium declared morosely. "I hope this won't damage our relationship with the rest of your kind."

"Man, I always wanted to fight one of you guys!" Gold said eagerly, only for Mercury to give him a gentle slap on the head.

"You realize that if we lose here, we'll die, right?" Mercury cautioned the young Metal. "Hopefully they can go easy on us."

"Face front, true believers, for we are about to witness history in the making!" Jiross, a Slytherophidian commentator in a cowboy hat exclaimed. "The Gems versus the Metals, which of these sister races shall come out on top and settle this age-old debate?!"

"Well, here we are today to answer that question once and for all!" the second commentator Michauffer added. "LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUUMBLEEEEEE!"

"So we're all in agreement that we should go easy on the Metals, right?" Amethyst asked the other Crystal Gems as their battle against the Metals began.

"Agreed." Garnet complied with the smaller Gem's idea while clashing fists with Titanium. "We need to get to the bottom of this and quick."

"Makes me wonder how Steven is doing," Pearl stated as she was pitted against Mercury. "He must be worried sick about us."

---

High above the arena where the carnage has begun, the Jormagundr royal family spectated the fight from above, each displaying a variety of emotions. Naja was hyperventilating from the stress of opening up such a big event with Boa there to comfort her, Constricta remained stoic to hide her devilish smile, Cobralan eagerly watched the Gems fight for their lives, and Nosiop reclined in his chair with a bored expression on his face. "Father, must we force these Gems onto our planet instead of visiting them in person?"

"Come on son, it's tradition!" Cobralan merrily said to his son. "Live a little and enjoy the fight!"

"I agree, but can't we break tradition just this once?!" Nosiop objected. "Come on, let's conquer a planet or two!"

"Nosey, dearie, we're already the rulers of an entire galactic empire, what would a few planets change?" Constricta stated, stroking her son's back with her tail just as she saw Garnet clock Titanium in the face. "Ooh, right in the kisser!"

"And of course, nobody understands me." Nosiop rolls his eyes before turning his head away from the action to face his family's advisor. "They just don't get it, we should be out there enslaving and conquering, not sitting here and forcing species to come to us!"

"Oh, don't be so sad, my boy." Pyth purred with a hand on the angry prince's nose. "Perhaps there are other ways we can convince them, mark my words."

"Everyone, look!" Captain Boa shouted as he pointed towards the Crystal Gems having beaten the Metals at last. "Alright Naja, now's your time again!"

"Oh, right!" Naja nervously said before picking up the microphone again. "It seems the Metals have been taken down for the count! Now, what do we say when that happens?!"

"FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!" the audience chanted vigorously, eager to see some heads roll. "FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!"

"AS SQUAMATA AS MY WITNESS, IT'S OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Jiross yelled excitedly.

"FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!" the snakes continued chanting for the Gems to slay the Metals once and for all and win this round. However, the Crystal Gems quickly came to a decision.

"No!" Pearl announced. "We will never take a life for your entertainment!" Unfortunately for the Gems, the spectators weren't pleased and began booing them instead.

"Go back to Earth, you hippies!" one of the audience members jeered before throwing a block of cheese at Amethyst, who quickly caught it in her mouth.

"See, told you the Gems wouldn't kill." One of the hecklers said to his elderly friend.

"How can somebody die when they're barely alive?" the other heckler stated before the two laughed.

---

"Well, this is an interesting development," Cobralan smirked before taking the microphone from his daughter. "As king, I shall allow this even if it means breaking the rules a little. We wouldn't want such special guests to have their time cut short."

"Are you serious right now?!" Nosiop yelled angrily. "They aren't even respecting the rules! We should have them executed on the spot at once!"

"Come on Nosey, just let Dad handle this." Naja tried calming her big brother down.

"No, I will not allow any breaking of our rules to go unpunished like this!" Nosiop continued yelling before Pyth put a scaly hand on the prince's shoulder.

"Just let it go, young man. Now come with me." Pyth said calmingly before the grand vizier took Nosiop away. "We have much to discuss."

---

"What-was-the-meaning-of-this?!" Bialyoom yelled angrily. "You-can't-just-decide-not-to-kill-your-opponent-like-that! It's-unheard-of!"

"Let us tell you what else is unheard of." Garnet firmly stated to Bialyoom. "We would never kill anybody for entertainment, especially if they were begging for their lives."

"We understand your fears Crystal Gems, but know that your approval rating means everything on Serpentes," Meinerr explained while presenting the Crystal Gems with a tablet demonstrating just that. "And wouldn't you know it, it's falling pretty quick."

"No matter what you tell us, we won't obey!" Pearl exclaimed. "But would it be okay if we just knocked out our opponents and let them live?"

"Oh, look at that. The Crystal Gems refuse to listen to anyone but themselves." Aquamarine smirked as she, Eyeball, Holly Blue, Cinnabar, and Andesine entered the Crystal Gems' room.

"Ugh, these guys." Bismuth rolled her eyes. "What do the Rutile Rebels want now?"

"For the record, we have now called ourselves the Andesine Armada." Andesine stated. "On account of our former leader being too much of a coward to continue guiding us before she abandoned us and ran off."

"Hey, I thought we agreed that we were going to call ourselves the Aquamarine Militia!" Aquamarine snapped at Andesine.

"No, I distinctly remember that our new name was going to be the Agate Gang!" Holly Blue yelled at the other rebel Gems.

"This arguing is getting us nowhere." Cinnabar quickly shut everyone up. "What we're trying to say is that we could lose our lives in these games. If you don't toughen up and start killing a few people, you will very well be killed. Which is why we've taken the initiative and started taking a few lives for ourselves."

"That-reminds-me, Amethyst-and-Pearl-have-a-fight-coming-up-against-the-Decimator-and-Earthos, two-of-the-deadliest-fighters-in-the-galaxy!" Bialyoom stated. "Now-go-go-go-make-us-proud!"

"The Decimator? He sounds awesome!" Amethyst cheered as she and Pearl were forced out of their room and back into the arena. "Can't wait to see how he decimates us!"

"Amethyst!" Pearl yelled.

---

"Well, it seems that our Gem friends are back for another round." Jiross declared as Pearl and Amethyst were forced back into the arena, this time against the Decimator, a massive, tattooed warrior wielding a pair of blades connected by an iron chain, and Earthos, a wolverine-like alien with sharp iron claws. "In this corner, we have the Decimator, one of the most fearsome warriors in the universe who is feared for rampaging across five galaxies in search of his enemies, and Earthos, who can make claws out of iron sand beneath his feet!"

"I have butchered millions across countless moons." The Decimator boomed in a deep, intimidating voice.

"We are totally ill-equipped for this." Pearl quivered in fear of the Decimator before Amethyst took her hand.

"Not entirely!" Amethyst exclaimed before twirling Pearl around and causing the two of them to glow, culminating in them fusing into Opal.

"And it looks like we got ourselves a fusion here, folks!" Michauffer exclaimed. "Looks like an Opal too, with those multiple arms and the bow and arrow! Jiross, what are your thoughts?"

"It's gonna be a slobberknocker!" Jiross yelled at Opal aimed down her sights and fired straight at the Decimator's eye, but he dodged just in time and the arrow accidentally stabbed a Slytherophidian in the audience. "Ooh, talk about a sorry excuse for aiming straight and true!"

"Dammit, let me handle this!" Earthos snarled as he formed claws of iron sand on his hands and began slashing at Opal, giving her a few scratches in the process but nothing too serious. "That's right, away you go!"

"On your left!" Opal cried before launching an arrow up into the air, making Earthos wonder if she was crazy or something. However, the arrow quickly returned to the Ouroborium and stabbed Earthos in his left side, knocking him out for the count. "And as for you."

"This should be easy." The Decimator said confidently while cracking his knuckles and throwing his blades at Opal, but she nimbly dodged them as they smashed to the ground, climbing her way up the giant's body and dodging more of his attacks. "Hold still, little fusion!"

"Not a chance!" Opal yelled as she did a spinning kick to the Decimator's face, sending him falling to the ground directly on top of one of the bleachers, crushing numerous spectators in the process. "Oh my goodness, I didn't realize there were innocents there!"

"Now you're getting it." The Decimator laughed weakly as he lay defeated. "Now finish me."

The chanting started again. "FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!"

"The answer's still no!" Opal proclaimed, sticking true to the Crystal Gems' principles even when the Slytherophidians started booing yet again.

"Can't please everybody," Pearl said as she and Amethyst unfused and began leaving.

"Life goes on, but I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside, P," Amethyst added. "Got it from that janitor on TV."

---

"Why are we still allowing this?!" Nosiop yelled angrily at Opal's refusal to kill the Decimator, even though their battle had unknowingly claimed the lives of hundreds. "We should execute them immediately; this is an utter affront to our warrior culture!"

"Oh come now Nosiop, you're being too overbearing," Cobralan stated with a laugh. "Those Gems will be very important to us when the time comes, but in the meantime, we can just enjoy the festivities."

"Your Highness, we have a message from our deep cover agent on Earth!" a Slytherophidian servant yelled as he raced to his liege and presented a crackling communicator. "He says Steven Universe is coming!"

"Is he now?" Cobralan smiled as he picked up the communicator and started speaking into this. "Hello Aescul, I trust that you completed your mission?"

"Yes Milord, I have Steven on my ship as we speak, along with a few extra passengers," Aescul replied. "We'll be within Serpentes airspace in just a few moments."

"Wonderful! It'll truly be an honor to meet Steven at last!" Cobralan laughed while his son rolled his eyes.

"If he's anything like the other Gems, I'm not holding my breath," Nosiop said before Cobralan put the communicator down and began leaving. "Where are you going?"

"To visit our special friend, so to speak," Cobralan answered, knowing that his son and heir knew what he was talking about. "Gather the rest of the family, my boy." He then snuck away into a hidden chamber within the castle to meet with this special friend.

"The one called Universe is upon us," Cobralan said as Nosiop, Naja, Constricta, Boa, and Pyth stood before a large shadowy figure. "Soon, he will tell us all that he knows."

---

Seriously, who is this guy that the royal family keeps talking to?! Well, I'm the only one who knows the answer, but I'm not telling until the time is right! In the meantime, keep those theories a-coming and I'll see you next time!

[architeuthis3]

BREAKING NEWS! Elon Musk caught in stomach churning sex scandal with Donald Trump, Melania and the entire cast of the former hit situation comedy Full House. Apparently, Trump was caught attempting to flee the oval office dressed in a leather body suit and mask, shackled with a MAGA magnum dildo shoved into his mouth. After security burst in over reports of screaming emanating from the door. "I just heard muffled screaming and Musk shouting "Hile bitch! Hile!" I knocked on the door and the Olson twins erupted through knocking me down screaming bloody murder! Bob Sagat, I saw naked leaping out of the window and Melania was filming the scene while Dave Coulier was mixing up foilies on the desk! I closed the door and called security." … confirmed eyewitness secretary. More to come as this shocking BDSM scandal unfolds eating up weeks of news cycles with senseless idiocy. 🦑🌎🌛🎨🍄🌾🛸 https://youtu.be/r7Hb4bxF12E Bad Religion - Sorrow

[crushingdeath]

WOLF EYES + LOULA YORKE + WELKIN

Tue 8th Apr 2025 @ The Portland Arms Doors 7:30, tickets £17.50 adv from here

WOLF EYES

Thrilled to bring psycho jazz titans and contemporary memelords Wolf Eyes back to Cambridge for the first time in nearly two decades. Now a duo of John Olson and Nate Young, over nearly 30 years Wolf Eyes have laid waste to the American midwest and beyond with a dizzying range of punishing noise, alien soundscapes, warped blues, grindhouse ambient, power psyche, and new age skronk. Over a crushingly vast discography of lathe cuts, CDrs, handmade tapes, and the occasional "regular" release, they've pushed instruments and listeners to the limit, frying circuits and minds in equal, incalculable numbers. Always ingenious, always inscrutable, always revelatory, Wolf Eyes are consistently essential but never predictable. True underground DIY heroes of our age! https://wolfeyes.xyz/

LOULA YORKE

A composer and improviser, primarily working with modular synthesiser, Loula Yorke takes a discrete and deliberately meditative approach to electronic sounds, creating fluid, kaleidoscopic works in the liminal space between personal and political. Winner of a prestigious Oram award in 2020, Suffolk-based Yorke takes a monastic, meticulous methodology to her own work, whilst extending her practice outwards running workshops such as the femme-centred synth-building workshop, Atari Punk Girls.

https://loulayorke.com/

WELKIN

Welkin play with elemental forces. Named for the vault of heaven, the group encompasses a deeply textured and constantly evolving sound. Between them, Dominic Lash and N.O. Moore (guitars) and Dave Fowler (drums) have collaborated with the likes of Tony Conrad, Eddie Prévost, and Adam Bohman. A trio of improvisers, they utilise the language of sonic heaviness to enlighten the sky, drawing on a tradition that runs from Blue Cheer to Fushitshusha to SUMAC and beyond.