#deep talk

[eobe]

Since I have a sketchbook again, nothing is safe, I draw it ☺️ And what is it with me and coffee shop scenes ☕️☺️✨

And this was my mood yesterday 🙈 Tried to visualize how my brain rain sometimes feels. Today is better, I feel that lil plant now, because I drew it 😄

Ramble time 🤪

Just recognizing, that my traditional drawing gets more secure 🤩✨ Not aiming for perfection anymore, I‘m too old for this. Every moment itself, however it feels and not matter how big the mess, it would anyway be perfection if an artist or a writer would describe and visualize it, loading it with emotion, isn’t it? ✨

Have a wonderful day or night, wherever you all are, dear folks 🫶

[firelilyfox]

In your skin

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: After a mission the two of you have to share a room & at first Bucky gets really mad about it but ... he means well.

Words: 2,3k

Warnings: mention of trauma, weapons, sharing a bed, fluff, heart to heart talk, real sad Bucky

Note: english isn't my mother tongue so sorry in advance :)

____________________________________

It got late real fast after the successful mission in Nairobi. 

The African heat gave way to the cool night, making it way more pleasant to find some sleep soon. Part of the Thunderbolts found shelter in a luxury hotel in the middle of the lively city, but there were almost fully booked so the only two rooms left had to be evenly shared. Yelena, Alexei, Bucky and me. 

„I will not let my daughter sleep in a room with another man“, Alexei barked. „No offense Winter Soldier, I have deeply respect for you. But my daughter will be protected from you manly charme by myself.“ His strong russian accent marking the importance of his protectiveness about Yelena. 

„Alexei I’m a grown woman and can protect myself from stupid men“ Yelena says unimpressed. The four of us were standing in the empty hallway, on each side a closed door and fitting keycards in my hands. I look at them and then up at Bucky. He was easily two heads taller than me with a strong disapproval look on his face, but he kept quiet. He was always the quiet one of the group (besides one or two snarky comments from time to time). „You can sleep with him then if you want“, Yelena adds. 

„Don’t be ridiculous. I will not let you out of my sight with this nasty wound. You are my daughter and I will protect-…“ but Alexei couldn’t finish the sentence because Yelena shut his mouth with her own hand. 

„Got it old man. So its the two of us and the two of you then.“ She pointed at me and at Bucky afterwards. I opened my mouth for approval but got interrupted immediately. 

„No fucking way“, Bucky grumbles.  

Okay. Ouch. That was unnecessary and a bit rude. 

Even the farther-daughter duo frowned in confusion. It was true that Bucky and had a …complicated way of acting around each other for the last couple of months. At first I thought we would be good co-workers. He always kept an eye out for me when I started to train with the Thunderbolts because I didn’t knew my way around and had a tendency to stumble into very unfortunate situations. For example that one time in Norway … ugh I rather not think about that. Nonetheless with time passing by he had become more like … a friend I think. Bucky was always there if I needed him - but never too close. Even a little part of me, that I desperately try to suffocate, wants him to be just … closer sometimes. 

„Do I get to tell my opinion in this?“ I ask a bit annoyed by his sudden rudeness. „I have no problem to stay with you in a room.“ He shoots me a deadly look but that doesn’t scare me off. Not the tiniest bit. No clue what his problem his, but I won’t let him push me away like that. If he has something to say, then he can tell me whilst sharing a god damn room. 

„Great! Its settled then. You two get to - ...“ 

„This isn’t an option“, Bucky interrupts Alexei again and this time he almost exploded. His voice had a much deeper and darker ring to it now. But it didn’t made me flinch. It made me mad. 

„Why does everybody interrupts Alexei all the ti-…“ 

„Well I don’t care. Here.“ I handed Yelena and her father one keycard and kept the other one for Bucky and myself. „I’m done with this conversation. Get in here.“ I tell him and opened the door with a soft clicking sound. 

„Have a pleasant night“, Yelena chuckles and disappeared with Alexei in the room across the hallway. Bucky stands still as a stone without any muscle moving. My rage was overflood by hurt. Was it really that awful to share a room with me?  

„I have no idea why its such a problem for you to stay in a room with me. If it’s because I am a woman then I can assure you it’s more than common in this century for a man and a woman to …“ 

„It’s not because of that. I shared a room with a woman before.“ He says and stepped around me into the hotel room. Paying close attention to our arms not touching by accident. 

I closed the door behind me. „Well good for you I guess.“ A little stab of jealousy hit me. „But if it aint that then why -…“ 

„We should get some sleep.“ And just like that there was another sentence that won’t be finished this evening. Great fucking fun. 

We got changed into our nightgowns and by that i mean that Bucky was still wearing his black shirt and boxer. While i got rid of almost every piece of clothing. In my underwear and a simple tanktop I sat down on the bed beside him. His metal arm flexing a few times he looked lost in thoughts. 

„How does it feel?“ I ask before I could stop myself. 

He frowns. „What do you mean?“ 

„I mean do you really feel everything? Like heat when you burn yourself while cooking or the fabric of a blanket?“ No clue why I was bubbling with stupid questions like that out of the blue. Might be the sight of him in boxers that fried my brain a little bit. I’m thankful he isn’t a mindreader. 

A soft smile lays down on his lips. The first since we entered this room. „Yeah. In Wakanda they have some very advanced techniques and great minds who work on stuff like that. I have not the slightest idea how this works.“ He holds his metal hand with the palm up and looks at me. „But it works.“ 

Without any thoughts I lay my hand in his. I expected the metal to be cold and hard. But somehow it felt warm and … real. Like it is more than just a piece of dead materiel. I moved my fingers along the palm and up to his wrist. It was formed exactly like his other arm. Strong and even the muscles were mirrored to the tiniest detail. Something comes over me and out of pure curiosity my other hand finds his real arm to compare the two of them. 

For a moment Bucky stayed completely still. He was not moving at all and I doubt that he was even breathing normal anymore. „Does it feel the same?“ 

He cleared his throat. „No.“ 

„What’s the difference?“ I look up and almost drown in his blue eyes. His face must’ve come closer. Or did I move in his direction? I don’t recall. All I know is that his nose was only inches away from mine, wich means that his lips were… 

„You should get some sleep. Now.“ Bucky rumbles with a husky voice. Within a second he stood up from the bed and moved to the other side of the room. 

There it was. The hurt from before hits me like a truck. 

„You really find me that repulsive?“ 

He opened his mouth. Stopped. Closed it and opened it again. All without saying a single word. Understood. „Will you come back?“ I ask instead. 

He has one hand on the doorknob. „Yes. When you are asleep.“ 

And so I did. I cried myself into a dreamless sleep. Drowning in my own self-pity because the guy I like would rather run away in the middle of the night, than share a bed with me. 

A bright crack tore me out of my slumber and I was wide awake in the matter of seconds. But not because of the thunderstorm outside the window. My fingers were curled around something cold and hard. The silhouette of Bucky was calmly sleeping beside me. My senses knew the feeling of this heavy metal and it wasn’t the arm I felt earlier tonight. 

It was a gun. 

A fucking gun in my hand. 

What? 

„Bucky?“, I whisper. „Bucky wake up!“ My voice pitched high, wich made him wake up instantly. 

„What is it? What happened?“ He asks breathlessly, eyes wide in shock, head snapping from side to side to make out any danger. But the only thing what would fall in that category appeared magically in my hand while I was asleep. 

I hold the gun up and waved it slightly. „Hello? Why do i have your gun in my hand?“ 

„Why are you so certain it’s mine, doll?“ His eyes narrow. I try to pull myself together because I didn’t expect him to call me by his pet name for me. He only used it a couple of times before and only when we were alone. 

„Oh please Bucky! I know your guns by heart. So why is it in this god damn bed?“ I shriek. 

He broke the eye contact and shuffled himself into a sitting position. The thin blanket that we both shared shifted down to his lap. Bucky leaned his back against the headboard and let out a deep sigh. „Just in case.“ 

„I beg you pardon?“ 

„Just in case you need it.“ He still has his eyes closed but I could hear in his voice that he wasn’t telling the whole truth. 

„James Buchanan Barnes you better cut that shitshow and tell me why you put that thing in my hand“, I say as I sit up, not caring that the blanket completely vanished from my body. 

Bucky turned to finally look at me. His expression were serious at first, but then his eyes dart down to my naked legs and at the waistband of my top that slipped up a bit, showing a small gap of my hips and stomach. I could swear to see his throat move as if he had to swallow … hard. And his face transformed from serious to something much more intense. Was it longing or am I now completely loosing my mind? 

„You are the only person I allow to call me like that“, he says with a tight voice. 

„Cut the crap. Now.“ 

Bucky sighs again. „Fuck. Okay fine. The gun is for emergency. In case you have to take me out.“ 

My heart stops beating for a painfully moment. With widened eyes I look at him. He sits there looking so broken, so serious about what he just confessed to me. His sad sad blue eyes studying me, waiting for a response. I know what his reasons are. He has terrible nightmares. Bad ones from his past and even darker ones made from his guilt. 

„The fuck I will.“ With two quick moves I dissemble the gun in its individual parts. Bucky watches me with disbelieve in his eyes. „I refuse to let you think I would ever do that.“ 

„Maybe you will not have a choice when it becomes bad!“ He tries to grab the metal pieces but I throw them away without a second thought. „When the Winter Soldier takes over I can’t guarantee for anything. He could do …“ 

„I don’t give a shit!“ I bark. „You would never hurt me. I know that in my bones.“ 

He lets his hand sink and land on my knee. It needs a lot of self control to not follow it with my eyes. „You’re right. I would never. But he could.“ 

I lean forward, just a little to make my point clear. „I trust you.“ 

„You shouldn’t.“ His voice was nothing more than a whisper. I could feel it brushing over my cheeks. „I’m a threat.“ 

I cock my head to the side. „Is that the reason why you didn’t want to share a room with me? Because you were scared that you might attack me in your sleep?“ 

He nods. And my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces. His hair falls in strains into his face making him look even more exhausted than ever. I've come to thinking about the fact that his mind had to be constantly in stay alert mode. 

„Do you ever let yourself catch a break, Bucky?“ 

At first he stays completely still. Then a deep, tired sigh. And when he finally looks up to answer he da the saddest smile on his face that I’ve ever laid eyes on. „I don’t think so, doll. Can’t remember.“ 

I reach forward to place my palm above his heart. It beats slow but a little uneven - as if my touch had an effect on him too. „You deserve to feel safe for at least one night. You deserve so much more than that.“ I leaned in his direction, let my body sink against his and gave him the chance to slowly get used to so much skin to skin contact. But he didn’t hesitate as I thought he would do. Instead Bucky pulled me so close that I imagined to morph fully into him. Melt together and finally feel complete. 

His metal arm laid wrapped around me and gave me the support I needed. His other hand placed at the back of my head - fingers tangled up into my hair. I feel his body relax beneath me and a little smile appeared on my lips. 

„Nothing I could do would ever made me deserve you, doll.“ His words rushed my system like a big tidal wave and i shook my head up from his chest to look at him. 

„You don’t have to do anything. Bucky you already own my heart. And you truly deserve it.“ 

He smiled softly. I could feel his hand on my head pulling me closer up to him. I obey happily. „I will take good care of it, doll. I promise to be worthy for you.“ 

„I know because you already are.“ 

Bucky kissed me. His lips were touching mine with such softness I almost cried. Hands so tender and carefully holding me while his mouth claiming my whole consciousness. I leaned into him to feel as much of him as I could. He deepened the kiss and I let out a sigh of relief. I swear I could feel him smile against my lips.

I know I will never get tired of this. Ever. 

———————

Thanks for reading! All interactions are highly appreciated 💙(Please don’t copy my work)

Bucky Barnes Masterlist 🦾

[uniqueness-ev]

you cannot explain the sea to someone who sees only water.

IG.com

[timetolovemyself]

Please, match my energy when we talk. I need someone to show the same enthusiasm that I have towards something I'm passionate about. Not a dry, one-lined conversation.

I want to send something to someone, and that someone to at least try to show curiosity towards it.

I want to talk about deep stuff. I want to talk about art. Songs we listened to when we were kids. Favourite film. Fun activities. Maybe a book we liked.

Not the usual "wyd" "send a pic".

If the conversation gets dry, it ends.

[slaaverin]

Integrity and why it is so fucking important

The last ask I answered about V sparked an idea to talk to you a little more deeply about individual integrity and why it matters so much.

I see so many people spreading mindless hate, harsh and harmful words. I see so many people "wishing the worst on others" when they don't agree.

Guys. Guys. No.

Most people are not aware of all of this, but there are many hidden truths about why we shouldn't be doing this.

Look, everything you say, do, or think, matters. Everything you say, do, or think is seen.

While you think you are alone living your human experience, and that you think thoughts alone in your head, and that you think you can spread hate because "no one will know".

I'm sorry, but that's not the case. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about you is seen by the whole universe. There's nothing that can be hidden or concealed. You are perpetually naked in full display for literally everything and everyone to see.

Especially yourself.

Every words you utter, by speaking or writing, is like a spell you do. You do magic constantly. And many people do dark magic constantly by spreading negativity.

Each of you hold a tremedous power to create either love or fear. Each of the little things you do create an effect. You affect everything and everyone, in big or small ways. You are interconnected, and you can't help to be.

And guys, everything, and I really mean everything you do matters.

This power is your own, it's your power of creation. But with that knowledge, comes an even greater responsability.

The responsability to use this power with wisdom.

Will you choose love or fear today? What is your higher ideal? What do you want to get behind? You must ask yourself this question. What do you believe in? Which person do you want to be?

I don't know your answer, but my answer is love. Love is the only thing that truly matters to me. There is nothing higher than this that we are aware of.

So aligning yourself with love, and most of all aligning yourself with words/thoughts/actions that aligns with love, that's the whole name of the game here.

Can we choose love even in tough situations? That's not an easy thing to do. But that's something we all should strive for to grow in consciousness.

I'm not talking about a mushy wishy washy love, love can mean so many different things.

You must find your own wisdom of what that may mean for you.

You must take responsability for your own power. Because everything will be held accountable, especially by yourself.

At the end of your life, do you want to be proud of yourself? Do you want to think you truly tried your best?

That's what I have been telling myself.

That's why I think integrity is so important.

When we are not aware of all of this we can always say "I didn't know", but when you KNOW, there is no going back.

At least there were none for me.

And I know my path won't be everyone's path.

My path as a spiritualist to be the person I am today went through a whole lot of hardships and constant tweaking and improving of my mind. It took years to deprogram the things my parents and the whole society taught us. It took trauma and years of searching. It took metaphorical death and rebirth. It took mental pressure so extreme I thought I wouldn't make it. Today, I'm extremely rigorous, I hold a code that I can't deviate from, even for a little bit. That's my personal responsability. I don't tell you to do the same, because it won't be for everybody.

But if I can make you think even for a second of your words and actions, and that it matters. If I can make you pause to ask yourself what the hell you are doing before speaking or thinking vile words, then it's a win.

Jkkers are behind jikook because we believe in love, we are drawn to it, we celebrate it, we cherish it. It means we can't become hateful, and spread this kind of negativity. We can't become like people who doesn't care about hurting other people.

Once again, what kind of person do you want to be?

There must be some kind of ideal to uphold here.

(I'm a sagittarius sorry, I'm all about higher ideals)

Otherwise, who are we? Can we really say we deserve to be Jimin&Jungkook's fans, people who are pure of hearts, loving in an unconditional way?

Shouldn't they inspire you to be better humans instead?

Don't you feel the pull?

Don't you think it's time to act like adults, awake, and not in a trance of unconsciousness about one's actions and words?

I just hope I offered you food for thoughts. That's my only wish.

Now you know who you are dealing with coming to this blog.

Integrity is such a huge part of my life that I couldn't shut up about it, sorry.

Take of this what you wish and make your own decisions.

Take care everyone 💜

[sleepiest-idiot]

I used to be flattered when I met one of those people who sits down with you and asks you all the deep questions and wants to get to know you. Now I've grown to find them very uncomfortable, because I realized how these people don't actually bond with others, they just consume information about others. And then have this very uncomfortable way of assuming they understand and see all of who you are and what you're likely to do, it essentially just makes me not want to tell them things at all

[kottkrig]

People liking your personal OCs is still such a crazy feeling, I've been doing this for years and ppl asking about them still fills my entire heart with warmth and idk how to handle it

You enjoy this fictional guy I made up for fun?? Whose only content is random artwork or writing made by me and a handful of other artists at most? They have no show/book/game with a large fandom, it's just one person with an art blog?? I love u

[introvertlifestyle]

[starlonga]

small town </3

big dreams

no hope

[d-lone-vultywr]

Note for others #24: The very people who claim to "stand for freedom", "exercised their right to freedom of speech" are the very same ones who limit it for everyone else but themselves --- you know them when you guessed who.

As for me? No, I don't need to "stand for freedom", because freedom will simply come over to me. I don't need to remind others that I exercise freedom of speech, because my freedom of speech apparently ends only once I'm done speaking (and returns once I've made my mind on what to speak) --- I don't have to speak all the time just so that I can brag I have "freedom of speech".

The more you loudly claim to be for X this or Y that, the higher and louder the chances that you might probably stand for its opposite.

[kingrosalani]

Prunella DeVille

Today's interview is none other than the amazing Prunella DeVille!

One of the longer interviews I had (which I always love, cause I love listening to peoples stories).

I remember this one my battery died midway through a deep chat, thank god I brought an extra. It was also my first time having a Caribou mocha which I love to get every few weeks now cause theirs is just a treat.

[moonfang256]

❤️ <( Love, huh?

❤️ <( Despite being a pacifist person, I don't have almost any left. Well, I used to have more…

❤️ <( You know? When I was a little child I used to play, watch, and do a lot of things alone. I didn't have any friends and my family would play and talk with me from time to time, but it didn't matter much because I was very happy the way I was.

I felt loved, warm, comfy, but eventually that happiness wasn't going to last forever.

❤️ <( Let's just say some humans in my world took the liberty of destroying all that...

❤️ <( I lost so much that I myself don't even know how to love anymore. Well, I just have the love for my family, but that's all.

❤️ <( It's kind of hard to love or even trust someone again after being hurt so much. I can't even love romantically or make a true friend because of the possibility of being discarded/hurt again or the fear that I might do something bad to myself or others because of my mental disorders. After all...

Nobody wants to hang out with a sick human freak, right?

❤️ <( So tell me, how do you expect to receive and give something we barely have?

❤️ <( You can't even tell?

…

Humans, we're such delicate creatures.

The bad thing about us is sometimes we turn ourselves into our worst enemy, we make horrible mistakes and then realize too late about the consequences. I wish things weren't like that and everyone could be nice and have a good time, but I guess it can't be helped…

❤️ <( Still…

Something inside me tells me that maybe it's not too late to change. Maybe there's a way to do the right thing, we just don't know it yet.

Who knows? Maybe it's a matter of time and understanding, and before we know it, we might just learn how to love again, right?

[fruitytiff]

This shit is so true, so many artists gets harassed by their fans the moment they switch fandoms, or stopped doing a certain type of media. Many people on the internet treat artists as a expensive piece of show that they've felt they have the entitled right to attend, but then immediately starts booing and throwing tomatoes the moment the show didn't play something that they liked, the fans would often times scream about how they've wasted their time watching the show (aka supporting the artist) when the admission was completely free. Most artists don't expect to get anything in return when they posted their pieces onto the internet. They post their art, themselves, what they like, their interest, onto this hellish digital environment for all to see, that takes a lot of bravery to do. Considering how much more harder it is (or even downright impossible) to remove any piece of media from the internet completely. I feel like people just don't appreciate the rare gifts(or curses) that each artists can bring, regardless of what they make. Putting your soul out there is a very, very tough thing to do and its sad to see just how little the people on the internet cares for these types of things.

when artist consistently draws the same pattern of things for a long time like... Puppies or something.. and then gets interested in skeletons and starts consistently drawing skeletons....

Thats when a lot of people start to really be mean or show entitlement it's clear they view artists as "art dispenser" and not and actual person with a consciousness that flows like a river. It's like they think the art machine is broken and it used to give me puppy art but it's broken now and I get skeleton art so someone should fix it ?

People go through phases of things they like sometimes people really are into something for years and then they're into something else for years and then they go back to the old thing for a week and then they do something else again

Artists aren't brands they aren't corporations you aren't consuming them ... They're human people and they're trying to connect or get thoughts out or any number of reasons to create and share things and a lot of artists aren't even interested in making money off it..

[visenyaism]

Had to ban the phrase “tricky dick” from my classroom during watergate lesson because saying the word dick in front of 30 fifteen year olds is like lighting a bomb and throwing it through the doorway but now they’re just calling him Richard the Treacherous like they’re all medieval peasants. gonna lose it

[jiejing-lifechanyuan]

A Deep Talk with a Singaporean Psychiatric Rehab Therapist: My Healing Journey in Lifechanyuan Thailand Branch

Recently, I had a 39-minute in-depth conversation with Rosalind, a Psychiatric Rehab Therapist from Singapore. She was particularly interested in how living in the Second Home of Lifechanyuan has helped me heal from the mental illness I experienced in secular society. She also asked about the challenges I’ve faced and the gains I’ve received from living in this community.

1. Healing in the Second Home

I shared with Rosalind that before coming to the Second Home, I had suffered from significant psychological stress and even developed mental health issues due to the pressures of worldly life. However, since joining the Second Home, the unique lifestyle here—with its pure spiritual culture, sincere interpersonal relationships, and an atmosphere free from competition and conflict—has gradually helped me recover. I no longer worry about survival, nor am I driven by desire. My mind has become increasingly peaceful and calm.

2. Challenges in the Second Home

Of course, I also openly shared that living here hasn’t been entirely without challenges. Adjusting to a collective lifestyle, letting go of old personal habits, and learning to give selflessly and communicate sincerely were all tests for me in the beginning. But these very challenges turned out to be important opportunities for my spiritual growth and inner transformation.

3. Personal Gains and Growth

I emphasized that in the Second Home, I’ve found true inner peace and spiritual freedom. I’ve learned how to live in harmony with others, how to face and transform the darker aspects of my own mind, and most importantly, I’ve found meaning and direction in life. Compared to how I used to live, I now feel more stable, clear-minded, and empowered.

Rosalind showed great empathy and interest in these experiences, and she also shared some of her own observations and thoughts from her therapeutic work. Our conversation was warm and meaningful, and her questions helped me further clarify the path of transformation I’ve undergone.