#discernible reason /silly/lh)

[psilliguykai]

Hey epic people 💥 little poll for you all, please vote if you’re able and feel free to rb for sample size! (/nf)

I need to gauge something

[murmurmurl]

long time no H♡L info??!??!?!?!?

I did mention that Toshiro and Seina both have siblings. WELL. I made up my mind about them. Neither has a name yet, but I have a whole leftover name list from when I was naming all of Helianthus. Toshiro has an older brother and Seina has a younger sibling. And uhm. So remember how I ALSO mentioned that I accidentally started thinking about another fan unit. That's because of them. These siblings are in another unit together. I actually already have a general theme and even their sekai in mind????? Somehow??????? All I'm gonna say for now is that it's space-themed. Because of course it is. At this point I might as well make a billion units for each of my interests (/nsrs), but uh ANYWAYS. Yeah. I'll try to design said siblings today, ALTHOUGH. I have like,, 3(??) other H♡L wips, but I just CANNOT stop, my brain is full of ideas and these guys are genuinely one of the only things keeping me going???? Along with my sister??????? Can you tell I'm super excited, did any of that even make sense, idc, I just wanted to say it.

AND. To not make this just me saying some random general stuff, I'll also share what's the idea for H♡L's sekai is FOR NOW. It can change because I. Am painfully inconsistent. Just a heads up – I'm not he best with descriptions, and I'm also not gonna really bother making it sound good right now, it's just to give whatever few ppl care about these sillies an idea of what it'll probably look like. (As I'm writing this, I realized I actually *am* trying to make it sound nice, but if it sounds weird. Hush. /lh)

I mentioned that I call it the overgrown sekai. Because it's, well, overgrown. As you could hopefully guess. The main part of it is an old stone structure, with some intricate carvings still remaining visible and even discernable, although everything does look like it's at least.. a few centuries old, no less. However, taking into account that it's a sekai, it probably isn't that ancient. Almost everything is pretty much overrun by plants – ivy spreading across the grey stone walls, grass (and most importantly flowers) breaking their way through the floor that seems to be made of marble, but it's too old, overgrown and at times dirty to be completely sure. The said flowers are a strange mix of forget-me-nots and sunflowers that may not quite make sense, but it *is* a whole ass other dimension, after all. There's plenty of light, despite practically no windows in sight, save for a few small ones. The reason for that being the roof, shaped like a dome, with holes in it that clearly weren't here by the first design, having appeared because of the stone collapsing over time. Unsurprisingly, the flowers are concentrated in the areas where the most light seeps through those holes. And speaking of light, the time here is always the same – late afternoon, with the season always remaining a comfortable sunny summer.

There's some furniture in the building, mostly along the walls, with the center looking almost like a flowerbed. That furniture seems to represent each of the owners of the sekai – an old desk made of dark wood with a quil and some paper thrown around it, almost giving it an impression that the owner left in a hurry. The paper has become a light yellow color over what may or may not be a rather long amount of time. Next to it – a somewhat fancy wooden chair. There are mirrors hung around this part of the space – some broken, some have the glass taken out entirely. Just a little further – a shelf and an armchair. Both items' materials and overall look fit that of nearly very other piece of furniture here. The shelf is filled with items that seem to have some spiritualistic significance – amulets, crystals and stones, all of them hand-made and hand-carved, yet seeming to lack in accuracy and having been made in a hurry. The armchair strangely has a few long chains hanging on its back. One of the more noticeable pieces of furniture is... a fish tank. It has no fish. In fact, it doesn't even have water, though it's probably not intended to be that way – the tank is spacious and has pretty much almost everything a fish would need to be happy and content in captivity. But it's old and worn out – the driftwood rotting away, whatever plants used to be inside have withered and everything is covered in a thin layer of... dust..? The tank itself stands on top of something of a dresser. If you care to open its doors, you will see rows upon rows of books – as many as could fit in the little space there is inside. Most of them have to do with marine life, but there are also some journals full of incomprehensible messy writing, as if whoever was filling them either didn't have much time, or was feeling too much emotion to care. Perhaps the strangest item in the building is a cage. It's designed just like one of those small restricting bird cages, glistening with gold in the light from above, but for some reason, the cage could easily fit a human. If you decide to step in, you might notice an unexpected aroma. It's vague and subtle, but... it almost seems like fresh black coffee mixed with something citrusy. Outside, the building is surrounded by a dense forest. The light can't penetrate the abundance of trees, but somehow, it doesn't feel eerie or threatening. It feels familiar in an unexplainable way. Have you already seen these woods somewhere..?

WOOOOO I THINK THAT'S ALL. I think. I hope I didn't miss anything. Uhm. I also hope it's not too,, out there, idk. There's also another area I have in mind, BUT. that is some world link territory, where I don't rlly wanna go rn,,,,, RAGHHHH I hope all of that sounds alright. Again, if it doesn't,,,,, I'm not a writer by any means, I just. Felt silly.

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3