#does this separation have on them (besides the memory mess)

[alphascorpiixx]

it always annoyed me that the Naminé and Kairi merge happened off screen in kh2 (since when they meet again after Xemnas boss fight pt 1 Naminé is ghostly like Roxas) bc honestly why did she and Kairi have to merge in the first place? I remember Nami did that weird fuzzy/fading out thing while they were escaping in tctnw but what actual impact is there on the two of them when they weren't merged as one person? like this situation has not really been detrimental to kairi in anyway (aside from her forgetting sora but that's unrelated to her and nami being split)

like nami's explanation to Roxas earlier in the game is that "you hold half of what he is" and I understand the memories part. because of Naminé's memory powers they went to Xion through Roxas. but if Sora had just never gone to CO would there even have been a problem with a Nobody and Somebody existing at the same time?

adding to my list of reasons why its a good thing RNX came back in 3 bc kh2 did not do a good job of explaining the whole situation

[apple-onigiri]

a distillation of adolescent rage within bonnie

as promised, here's a bit of an analysis of bonnie, specifically of how much their character is defined and fueled by anger, where that anger is coming from, and how much exactly of it is genuine and how much is there just to feel a bit more safe and a bit less confused. because man, bonnie is so well-written, it needs to be talked about more, and this aspect of them is especially handled really well

i also love them deeply, there's that. okay let's go team

to establish the facts: bonnie being angry is really the first thing we learn about them, and what siffrin's first association with them is at the point where we meet the party. it's even in their first memory's description. see? right there.

and i mean, they have a full right to be, don't they? the country is in a crisis. and while they've grown close to the rest of the party, the reason they're traveling with them in the first place is because they had to run away from their town, which they probably don't remember ever leaving beforehand, and leave their sister behind because she got frozen in time.

this is some scary stuff, especially for a kid, whose peace of mind relies on stability and familiarity. any turmoil introduced into even something as small as a daily routine can seriously mess them up, much less a separation from their one trusted guardian and a displacement of such a degree. i shudder to think what their thought process was when they were running from the curse before siffrin spotted them and the party took them in - they must've been so scared. i can't think about that too long or i feel like crying tho let's move on ok

bonnie is obviously mad at the king. they're so angry. well, who wouldn't be? he's the cause of all this. they want vengeance, they want justice, they want to help take him down! and doing only things they're limited to by the adults in the group feels like it's not enough.

this is a bit of a sidenote but this conversation hints at just how anxious bonnie's attachment style is. we know nille ran away with them from home and are given not much detail besides that, if only because bonnie was tiny and doesn't remember much of that, but both the fact that you don't have to remember something for it to shape the way you are and the fact that nille is probably pretty busy keeping both herself and her little sibling alive may be the reasons for bonnie's fear of abandonment and need to be useful

bonnie's entire friendquest stems from them needing to feel like they're contributing more, that's why they ask siffrin to teach them how to fight. and they ask siffrin specifically because they, despite their strained relationship at the moment, hold him in high regard and trust him to say if something is actually off-limits because, in their mind, he doesn't baby them needlessly.

that's rare for a kid, to not be overly coddled.

ok, back on track from the attachment style tangent, rise rise rise where is your rage back on

bonnie is even more mad at the king when they finally are facing him. and he's crying and despairing, and having the gall to act all pathetic. and bonnie can't take that. they have been so brave, keeping it together this entire time, and this guy, the cause of all this despair, dares to act like that? what gives him the right?

kids often default to expressing simpler emotions they can fully process and understand when an unexpected feeling corners them or when their defense system kicks in and deems an emotion too harmful to fully experience; they round up to the closest emotion they can and go with that. bonnie is, of course, angry, but they're also full of fear about everything that's happening that's getting tuned out for their own self-preservation, and they feel a lot of indignation and confusion about this adult that doesn't even have the decency to have his shit together to the same degree bonnie does. bonnie doesn't understand him or why he did what he did, and it feels unfair that they were staying strong and the king can just fall apart like that. but anger is easier, so it all gets rounded to that.

recognizing the layers of bonnie's emotions and how one is caused by another is key to understanding them as a character. but honestly, the king isn't the strongest example we've got to show this, however - siffrin is a better one.

we're introduced to bonnie with them acting distant towards siffrin. only in act 1 are we able to experience what the natural dynamic between those two has been ever since siffrin lost their eye, and it's genuinely a little heartbreaking. it's a lot of siffrin being awkward and jumpy, unsure how to approach bonnie, and bonnie being huffy and disconnected, not really playing into the conversation.

things are tense and neither of them is equipped to diffuse the situation. it's so, so sad because context clues tell us they used to be close - siffrin was the first one to call bonnie "bonbon" but he doesn't do that anymore, bonnie avoids even just eye contact with him, and the way they're acting is clearly something siffrin believes to be a sign of bonnie decidedly not liking them anymore.

(this "being hated" is a surprise tool that will help us later)

while we don't know why things are the way they are at first, we later learn that it's because siffrin doesn't see getting hurt while protecting bonnie as a big deal. and bonnie is upset that he got really, really seriously hurt to the point of losing an eye and he's just waving it off. there's a few things at hand here that go into bonnie's seemingly simple reaction.

the issue here largely comes from siffrin's avoidance of talking about their internal state. because they waved things off, not wanting to talk about it, bonnie didn't have the chance to talk things through either, and process them healthily. the guilt, fear and sadness stemming from someone you care about getting hurt because they kept you safe all go unaddressed.

additionally, there's a cognitive distortion that kids often suffer from where they think everything happening is their fault, even when they were in no way involved in causing it, may play a part here. because their world is just so small, if kids can't pin the blame on something else (since it may be something they're not aware of or too vague), it doesn't compute, so they immediately place the blame on themselves.

there's of course an additional doom spiral of bonnie acting closed off, siffrin taking it as them hating him, and bonnie taking that as siffrin drifting away, and the cycle perpetuating because no one in the party wants to budge into this. everyone is allergic to communication.

the crux of it is, bonnie isn't really angry at siffrin, not in the way they are at the king. it's just easier for their preteen brain to categorize what they're feeling as anger, as a defense mechanism, and point those emotions outwards instead of keeping them inside. it's easier to lash out than regurgitate those feelings and let them eat away at them. so they act out, and scream, and call siffrin stupid.

and we have one than one example of bonnie lashing out with anger because that's the easiest option. it's certainly easier than figuring out what emotions they're exactly feeling and dealing with them without admitting they're a kid that doesn't understand how to do it alone.

among them is of course the way they act when they overhear the others talking about what to do if anyone dies, and the connected rotten adults event. after that safe room, bonnie is remarkably closed off, and if you go to the poem room, they read the book on funerary rites and then pointedly pretend to not do so when asked what they're doing.

it's an incredibly exemplary interaction, i think. because they're surprised, we get an almost step by step for their thought process, and it goes a bit like this:

i didn't mean for you to see me look at this and i want you to not know about it -> stop talking like you know what i was doing because i don't want you to know about it -> i want you to think it's nothing important so that you're not more interested -> i'll tell you i'm okay because that may make you think you don't need to look -> it's not working, so i'm going to tell you directly to stop looking at what i'm doing, or at me, because, again, i don't want you to know i'm in distress -> i'm feeling a lot of things so i need to expel them in some way, "shut up" -> this is isn't working, i need to deflect and give you something else to focus on

this avoidance and giving over the reins to anger instead of processing anything is something bonnie resorts to a lot when overloaded by a lot of different emotions they can't deal with

in bonnie's mind, talking about it is bad because it's distressing, and scary, and makes them think of awful scenarios they don't want to come true, and not talking about it means not feeling all that, and that's surely better. there's also that defense mechanism at work, the externalizing of negative emotions and pointing them outward instead of letting them hurt the inside. and it kicks in on full throttle when siffrin tries to comfort bonnie.

anyone who's been in an adolescent age in their life can recognize this emotion. wanting someone to just go away, leave you alone, stop talking about something or doing something. to bonnie, if you don't talk about something, it's not real, and siffrin comforting them a. anchors the cause of their state in reality, b. confirms they don't have everything together because they needed comforting in the first place. and that's no good! so they act out. it's like a deimatic behavior, a tactic to scare off something that you would otherwise have no choice but to give in to. they're not unlike a cat hissing and puffing up to seem bigger. you know those spicy kitten videos where they just do firecracker noises at a human hand closing in on them? yeah.

and it works!! to an inordinate degree because the object of it was siffrin who a. is extremely prone to believing people hate him, b. entered a time loop because he cares so much about these people and staying with them. told you that surprise tool would come back. in bonnie's defense, people usually don't rewind time when you do that, and just back off until your emotional state is calm enough that you can talk without feeling like imploding.

it's alright, siffrin just needs enough time to assemble their own thoughts before approaching bonnie again. and when he does, we see how to overcome the obstacle of an adolescent attempting to avoid a conversation concerning unpleasant feelings.

siffrin just gives bonnie space to experience those big feelings safely and explains calmly why something happened in the first place. when they try to avoid a conversation, he just gives them time to think about it instead of giving them any sort of pep-talk, and they talk it out calmly, and make a promise to reassure bonnie that they're both gonna keep each other safe. siffrin genuinely does a remarkable joke here. no one does it better than them nothing awful will ever happen. fans of love and friendship don't think too hard about end of act 3

to drive the point home, we get a bit of an awful reprise of bonnie lashing out as a self-defense tactic in act 5 because they're overwhelmed by just how upset siffrin made them by risking getting hurt on purpose just so they could be stronger. they do the same thing as before, resorting to throwing out hurtful words to scare off the source of all those intersecting negative feelings, and, since they can now, run away.

it needs to be understood that bonnie is not a kid pointlessly angry at nothing in particular and everything around them. their anger is in direct response to too many things happening at once and them having trouble processing all of it, and instead resorting to simplifying their emotions into one very primal one, and expelling it outwards in a form of them lashing out. they're going through an already confusing time of changes you're forced to go through during your adolescence - and a national curse-related crisis is not helping. when given the tools and space to process in an environment they feel is safe, they're not nearly as wrathful.

i guess the tl;dr is this - while they have a bit of a fiery personality and some of their rage is fully justified, bonnie for the most part acts out in anger because it feels like it's keeping them safe and allowing them to not bottle in things that are too confusing to them; it's already a scary world out there for a preteen entering the world of more complex emotions, and being far away from your sister and mid-way through a national crisis is making it even worse.

it might be a bit less noticeable because they spend most of the game upset at siffrin, so we don't see a lot of their sweeter side in one-on-one conversations as much, but honestly, they're such a sweet kid. so cute too, they're extremely endearing. it's no wonder the party is hell-bent on protecting them no matter what.

[depressed-bitch-80]

Not So Secret Anymore

Chapter 3

Word count: 1,184

Pairing: BBC!Sherlock x Reader

Summary: John is trying to enjoy a peaceful day at 221B when a mystery woman shows up and says she’s Sherlock’s wife.

A/N: Chapter 3 is finally here! Thank you guys for all the support I’ve been getting on this series, it truly means a lot to me.

AO3 link, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 4

John was a jumbled up mess of emotions currently but the one that stood out the most was hurt. He had been living with Sherlock for nearly half a year now and the man never once mentioned he was romantically involved. Sometimes John naively thought Sherlock might not be capable of such a thing. There was one moment, one memory, being dredged up in John’s mind over and over.

“Married to your work, are you? I do have to say that was a good one, expert deflection on your part.” John said, now moving towards the kitchen to pour himself a cup of scotch. Once he got there he decided to forgo the cup and take a swig directly from the bottle.

“John, you must understand, I didn’t want to lie to you. We both have enemies, people who wish to do us harm and who would go after people we are close to. That is why we decided to keep things rather private.” Sherlock stated. He watched John, now standing at the sink, take several more generous swigs of alcohol before finally setting the bottle down.

John stared at the two of them in silence. They looked good together, like they fit together perfectly. Sherlock kept looking her over, probably trying to assess the true severity of her injuries, while she stood there awkwardly pinned down by John’s gaze.

“Alright.” John shrugged.

“Alright? That's all you have to say now?” (Y/N) questioned.

“What do you want me to say? He obviously cares for you in ways many people don’t think him capable of. I know him to be fiercely protective of the few people he does have attachments to, so yes it makes sense.” John said, giving her a small shrug.

“I do think that is the nicest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about Sherlock” (Y/N) remarked, shooting a glance toward Sherlock. He was standing beside the kitchen table, looking oddly uncomfortable with the amount of praise he was receiving.

“Right, then I’m knackered. Plus I don’t believe my brain has had enough time to process everything that’s going on here” John said, rubbing his eyes. He could use a bit of sleep and a little more time to mull everything over. “I’m going to leave you to your reunion. I’m off to bed.”

He then proceeded to take his bottle of scotch and make his way upstairs for what would inevitably be a very fitful night’s sleep. Sherlock and (Y/N) remained in the kitchen staring at each other in disbelief.

“He handled that better than I expected.” Sherlock said with a slight grin.

“I’d hate to see him handling it poorly then.” (Y/N) said, slightly giggling. Now that they were alone she cupped Sherlock’s face and pulled him down into a kiss, full of longing and need. “I missed you.” She breathed, carding her fingers through his unruly curls.

“Please don’t ever leave for that long again.” He said, pulling her in as close as humanly possible and burying his face in the crook of her neck. They sat there breathing each other in, taking in every detail about the other, as if they had been separated for lifetimes.

“You know I can’t promise that.” She whispered, finally pulling back to give him a few chaste kisses. She wanted nothing more than to stay here forever but her job would never allow it. “It is nice to see you’ve made a new acquaintance in my absence.”

“Yes John has been very helpful.” Sherlock admitted. He would never say that in front of John though.

“Please tell me you haven’t been running the poor man at all hours.” (Y/N) probed. She knew how difficult Sherlock could be at times. The staying up for days on end and refusing to let even a morsel of food pass his lips before he solved the case could be arduous to someone not well versed in his ways.

“Never” Sherlock replied with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

“Not sure I believe you on that one but answer me one very important question?” (Y/N) challenged. She was just as worried about her husband as he was for her. He had promised he was going to quit but she could smell it from the moment he walked in the door.

“Yes?” Sherlock responded, hesitant. He knew he’d been caught but he was trying his best to play it casual. There was no lying to (Y/N), she would smell his deceit a mile away.

“Why do you smell like cigarettes Mr. Holmes?” She demanded, seeing the guilty look in his eye. She wasn’t mad or disappointed per say, she was more concerned as to what could have driven him to smoke again.

At that he pulled completely away from her. Sherlock didn’t like to be vulnerable, confess his shortcomings, to anyone but with her it was slightly bearable.

“Experiments, I was simply doing experiments.” He said, still trying to get away with the lie even though he knew she could see right through him.

“What kind of experiments exactly?” She asked, looking at him quizzically. She was slowly breaking his resolve. (Y/N) knew the only way to get the truth was playing along and reading through the lines.

“Ash.” He stated simply.

“Hmm…nope not buying it, mister.” She disagreed, letting him know his lies were not working. He held strong for a moment, staring at her with his best poker face. It wasn’t until she raised an eyebrow, indicating that she was still waiting, that he finally broke.

“Fine.” He huffed. “It was only one, dear. I haven’t had an adequate case in weeks.” The lack of interesting murders had in fact contributed to his nicotine relapse, but it was her extended absence that had finally pushed him over the edge.

Sherlock stood there, unable to meet her eye. Not wanting to see even the slightest flicker of disappointment in her eyes, he couldn’t bear it.

“I’m not mad at you Sherlock, you know that.” She told him as softly as she could, trying desperately to snap him out of his self-doubt spiral. His eyes were fixed to the floor.

“Come on, let's go to bed. When is the last time you’ve had a decent night's rest?” She asked, reaching up to tuck a wild curl behind his ear. He took the opportunity to lean into her touch, closing his eyes and kissing her palm.

They stayed like that for a moment. Now that she was coming down from the adrenal rush of seeing him after so long, she could see just how worn down the detective in front of her was. His eyes plastered with dark circles and his form just a little too thin for her liking.

“How long have you been gone again?” Sherlock replied, as she took his hand and led him to their shared room. She was expecting more of a battle trying to get him to rest, but as soon as he laid down with her finally in reach he drifted off peacefully.

[aziraphales-library]

Heya ! I'm looking for some fics that are set post season 2. Not fixits exactly, not that I would mind fixits. But I'm looking for long canon compliant fics. Also, is there a tag for such fics ?

We have #good omens s2 and #canon compliant tags. On ao3 you'll want to use the tags "Post-Season/Series 02" and "Canon Compliant", which is what I did to find you these...

scherzo in f-sharp minor, for orchestra by astrhae (M)

It was a truth universally acknowledged that an angel in possession of no memory must be in want of a wife. No, that was the wrong book. The wrong line. Aziraphale frowned. “What,” the gentleman before him asked, “and I mean what, are you doing here?” ----------------- Or, two years after things fall apart, Aziraphale shows up at Crowley's doorstep without his memories. The easy part is getting it back, the hard part is getting them back together.

Until the Bitter End by sentientsky (T)

After learning the truth about Heaven's plans and fruitlessly trying to fix a corrupt system (and maybe also having his memory messed with a little bit in the process), Aziraphale slips back to Earth in search of Crowley.

i will make it better, if only for us by davethefish (T)

With Aziraphale in Heaven, everything that Crowley loved has left the earth. He doesn't know what to do, so he starts small. Maybe someday he'll love the earth as much as he loved Aziraphale. It's time for him to remember why he chose to stay in the first place.

Black Holes and Revelations by ArtisticRising (E)

Crowley takes a leap of faith… into the heart of a black hole. It’s the last card Crowley has to play. He can’t do this without Aziraphale… and he’s betting that Aziraphale can’t do this without him. Act I (Black Holes) ends around Chapter 6 (10 if you want the smut babes). You could leave the story off there. Up til chapter 6 you have a whole story that’s pretty much G rated. From there my thirst comes out like a sexy little demon in tight jeans and a vaguely downwards saunter. Act II (Revelations) is an attempt at season 3. Treat it as a separate work that builds off Act I. Lots of plot twists ahead/theories/speculations that I won’t spoil for you :)

The Ineffability of Gray by kitfornow (NR)

Fifteen years have passed since Aziraphale returned to Heaven, and still sometimes Crowley feels shell shocked and embarrassed and grief-stricken. And mostly, he still feels numb. Fifteen years isn’t really so long, in the grand scheme of things, and yet these have somehow been the longest years of his existence. He can almost feel time crawling by, laughing at him. But slowly, so slowly, Crowley began to try again. To try harder. To find a piece of himself that Aziraphale had not touched. To find a piece of himself that does not need changing. On his good days, he can open up. His friends come over to the flat, once in a while, and Maggie brings new records and Muriel brings burnt cookies that no-one complains about because they're so proud of them. They'll exchange stories and simply enjoy each other's company for a few hours. And sometimes, he feels almost alright. Until Crowley turns around and Aziraphale is there, standing in front of him, trying to stop the world from ending all over again.

hurry back, please bring it back home to me by Percyjacksonfan3 (T)

“Why should I?” The demon interrupts cuttingly. “You’ve made it perfectly clear where your priorities lie and anything I say won’t make a bit of difference.” “That’s not true at all.” Aziraphale replies after a long hurt moment. “And you know it. Besides, you’re being stubborn. You’ll help me eventually.” Rage flashes over Crowley’s face. “You think so, do you?” Aziraphale juts his chin up stubbornly, ignoring the unpleasant feelings Crowley’s expression stirs in him. “Yes.” Aziraphale needs Crowley's help in saving humanity from the Second Coming and despite what happened between them he's determined to get it. After all, it's not only that he needs Crowley, but his plan also includes their car. As for the other matters between the two of them... well there's no reason those can't be sorted out along the way as well, is there? Or, a possible take on Series 3 that includes the Bentley, a resurrected Jesus Christ set on bringing about the End of Days, and an angel and a demon who are stupidly in love with each other but are both suffering from a lack of experience on how to actually deal with said emotions. Emphasis on the stupidly.

- Mod D

[lipstickchainsaw]

Anyway, that's enough talk about thematic parallels, and psychological profiles, and sociological roles, and imagery, and let's instead talk about the cold hard politics of the current moment within Arcane.

Now, the Arcane has taken Ekko, Heimerdinger and Jayce out of the game, and the Black Rose has kidnapped Mel besides, which we'll soon see has a massive impact on how things unfold.

Piltover

In Piltover, Ambessa just made her move to install a puppet dictator, whose martial dominance is very dependent on Noxian troops at the moment. She made a quick switch from Salo, who she was obviously grooming as a patsy, to Caitlyn. Caitlyn will be much more capable in the role, given that she actually has something resembling military experience, and harder to dislodge than Salo would've been, but this is a double-edged sword.

After all, Caitlyn being competent means she has opinions on how to wage the war Ambessa wants her to wage, and it also means that Caitlyn will buck against Ambessa's control if she ever were to find out Ambessa was behind Renni's attack on the memorial. She'll need a lot more careful and skilled handling, and with Mel kidnapped, Ambessa's likely to be distracted...

Here we see the impact of the missing players, because Jayce was on Caitlyn's path (although Mel won the battle for his soul against Ambessa), and a close friend to counsel her against this course of action; Mel would be able to push back against this entire thing politically, even if it wouldn't be as straight-forward as ousting Salo, and Heimerdinger, for all that he was retired, probably has the clout up here to make his resistance to this Noxian coup enough to cause a lot of doubt.

Now, we have no idea how sentient the Arcane is, but the Black Rose definitely took Mel off the board for a reason, given the timing. Now, does that mean they knew about the Caitlyn switch and want this to happen, or were they also of the opinion Ambessa was putting Salo in, and took Mel out so that would happen? How caught off guard by this were they?

Regardless, with the fake 'assassination attempt', and Jinx' last stunt, Ambessa and Caitlyn have enough of a casus belli to start a full-scale invasion. Without Jayce, though, Ambessa won't be getting her Hextech weapons anytime soon, so she's going to have to be managing Caitlyn for a while. How long is it going to take for her to realise what's going on?

Zaun

Yeah, they're two wholly separate political entities at this point. Silco got his nation of Zaun, it just wasn't as clean and peaceful a break as he would've liked. That and Zaun is, uh, kind of a mess. Leaderless, the place is tearing itself apart, and that's not a situation you want to be in when there's an army about to march through your streets.

On top of that, the fragile situation leaves various agents very vulnerable to manipulation from outside forces, like Renni marching to her death on Ambessa's invitation, and Smeech eager to sell Jinx out.

So what options for unification does Zaun have right now?

Chross and Margot, the remaining Chem Barons, have made it pretty clear they're not going to be banding together to form a unified front against Piltover, too busy battling over the scraps Silco left behind, although they are causing enough low-level chaos to be a problem for everyone else. If either of them wins, they'll likely have a lot of the criminal element of Zaun consolidate behind them, and that's an element that's enjoyed a lot of power traditionally.

The Firelights, essentially the main resistance against Silco in the Undercity, might be able to step in and become a more dominant faction. Unfortunately, they're not set up to take on that kind of role, ideologically or structurally, and with Ekko gone, it's unlikely they'll be able to change that in a reasonable timeframe.

Viktor certainly has the potential to build up a power base that could become politically relevant, if he organises the poor and downtrodden into one coherent political block. Yes, his narrative is mostly a prophecy narrative, but religious structures don't exist separate from political ones (unless you make the political choice to enforce that separation). Unfortunately, he's only just starting out, and Zaun needs to get its shit together pronto.

So that leaves the actual inheritors of Silco's legacy: Jinx and Sevika. Sevika is a born second in command, and has essentially played kingmaker in previous shifts of power, so by getting her on board, Jinx has secured an important key to power over Zaun, but she hasn't exactly been thinking of herself as a political actor. So let's do some of that thinking for her.

She's Piltover's most wanted, of course, but what has she really done, from the perspective of the average Zaunite? Killed a number of Enforcers during the Progress Day thing, which isn't great, but Zaunites aren't necessarily sympathetic to Enforcers.

She then blew up Marcus and some additional Enforcers on the bridge. Yes, Marcus had just shot Ekko and was about to shoot Caitlyn, but any 'saviour' spin on that would run into the fact that Jinx tried to kill them both after. Still, the fight over the bridge was a big deal in Vander's day, and the people of Zaun weren't exactly happy with the blockade, so she might even come out ahead in this.

She kidnapped Caitlyn, but Zaunites aren't going to be very sympathetic towards her after her Strike Team, let alone the dictator thing. Yes, this is very much a result of Jinx' actions, but I don't think the people of Zaun are going to see it that way.

She blows up three councilors, and this is obviously a massive escalation, but how many Zaunites have died since? Why do these guys get to be this big of a deal? I feel like the ceremony surrounding this caused more resentment than anything.

Then she saved Isha from Chross' goons, and took out Smeech, one of the chem barons causing so much chaos on the streets of Zaun, both of which will boost her public standing, even before she takes on the Strike Team poisoning everyone.

And then she does her stunt with the paint bombs, mixed with the very toxic fumes Caitlyn's Strike Team was using on the people of Zaun, which we see a lot of people watch with excitement. You put all this together, and you can see why she ends up getting popular support.

There's two problems here. For one thing, she is strongly tied to Silco's regime. People who hated Silco's rule and knew it well enough to know her ties to it will not be happy with her. She can't even frame herself as a rebel against him (even if taking out Marcus would fit that narrative well), because the fact that she killed Silco would threaten her coalition with Sevika, and betray the image of her day, which wouldn't be good for her mental health.

So she could reframe him as a bastion of stability. When he disappeared, things went to shit, so making people think back to him more fondly could work. After all, Silco got a statue for Vander, despite it all.

Her second problem is that the most reasonable faction here will have a serious problem with her, because she killed a whole bunch of them. The Firelights are not going to be happy about Jinx becoming a popular figure, and without Ekko present, they're going to have trouble negotiating that relationship as well. Then again, it might also mean they won't be able to hold back the tide of public opinion.

Then there's Vi, who isn't currently in any mental state to be doing any politics, but could be a dark horse source of legitimacy as Vander's kid, should she be able to find herself again.

Of course, there's also Singed, who has Warwick as, uh, actual Vander for his kids to face. Singed attached himself to Silco for his resources, and now Silco's dead. Is Singed still looking for someone amoral to give him those resources? If so, he might attach himself to one of the chem barons. The creation of Warwick could, however, give him enough of a power base to pursue his own goals, whatever those may be...

[stuckasmain]

Dave’s old life is cast aside and he is reborn (semi-literally) as a star child. It is an ending that has left many baffled, including me, but is ultimately a touching end and beginning.

Dave ends the story an evolved being, yet not so far detached from his human origin. He still has a great deal of emotion and curiosity - he becomes a baby because he simply is one when it comes to understanding the universe. He could go anywhere, do anything and yet he goes to earth. He goes and watches over it like a shiny toy, while his physical ties have been severed he’s still attached to it- almost like a mother, if we stay with the baby metaphor.

Eventually he will move on from it but for now he is a protector of sorts. The guardian of earth. He stops the bomb not for his own sake but because he simply wants humanity to continue on- he stops a potential doomsday!

It’s too bad this is completely uprooted in the following bits of the series. He is “beyond” emotion, he is on Europa. I would be fine if the evolution or planet was focused on even remotely besides the same few paragraphs, he’s transformed and cast aside. All of the prior meaning is rebuked, all of his humanity removed. See it wasn’t the transformation that did it but the story itself— as it decided to pivot and couldn’t just have him watching. He must be a blank slate. He must be elsewhere- he can’t even enjoy watching the other planet or if he does we don’t really hear of it.

Dave becomes more of a plot device than a person, as a star child there’s so many facinating things you could do with him. For one thing a dressing the trauma that came from that and before, and — again either guardian of earth - self chosen- or we actually see his involvement elsewhere. He becomes a just as much of a tool as the monolith.

Not only is his humanity stripped but his agency, in 2010 he describes himself as a dog on a leash a good number of times. While I absolutely adore that metaphor, it’s so tragic and not even acknowledged as such?! (Again so much could be considered cosmic horror and it’s either had waved or blankly accepted) he went from a near omnipotent being to LOSING LARGE CHUNKS OF TIME AND BEING USED AS A PROBE. He’s suddenly beyond humanity when he was so attached before; he becomes apathetic incredibly fast. (Which, as a immortal being is understandable but it’s absolutely unearned and not in character) -> my issue isn’t with him becoming a tool of some higher power it’s that it’s sort of hand waved “it is how it is” and not addressed how messed up and interesting it is.

Now I’ve yet to read 3001 but my point here broadly stands. I fully believe it should’ve ended after 2010, as it comes across as very very clear it was a two book story and 2061 is a whole separate one with some characters tossed into it.

Arcs were over. There was a bit more explanation as to what happened in the first one; we got closure alongside Heywood. Things were set up for the future but it was more in a way for you to view them as fully developed not exactly a sequel. (Like the Hal 10,000 idea). It’s frustrating because Dave as a Starchild can lead to so many interesting things and it was a beautiful idea in 2001 but … after that it mistreats and mischarectetizes Him so fast in a way that frustrates me to no end. Maybe if there was an actual focus or exploration I could understand the direction but making him a cut out god figure is such a sad end.

A child of the stars still clinging to its former life, its humanity…

Oh what could have been. I’d like to imagine Dave would’ve never completely… not been Dave, yes over centuries he may subdue emotions, his interest may waver but what we get is a name and maybe some memory.

—

Clarification:

I fully enjoy 2010, my issues with Dave in that are minimal just that it’s a little sad he swaps guardianship but I can understand. I was excited and interested in Europa… only for that too also get sort of ignored.

There’s also some interesting points to come out of 2061 - how the monolith works, conversing with Hal and he does seem to have a genuine interest in study but it’s also where he’s sort of a name drop and little else

It’s the stripping him of his emotion and character that really gets me - as it’s a route that isn’t earned as Clark absolutely does not write about trauma or if he does it’s a off handed “ok so everyone dying and the monolith was a little scary but now I’m blue and don’t care” it’s even true for human characters idk

I pick and choose what I want to keep from the further books honestly, we’ll see if 3001 fixes this or if this rant grows longer. I’m just sad, Dave’s such a fascinating character and he’s so mistreated?

[katyspersonal]

Midra for the ask meme :3

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

Thaaaat guy! God, this makes me sad to think about.. in a good sense. And nostalgic. I want to erase SOTE from my memory just to experience the emotions I first had when I've found Abyssal Woods and this guy.

Favorite thing about them:

He is a NERD! He lives up to his title as 'sage'! His Manse is 90% library and other like 10% is actual living area fhdhds It is SO many books everywhere!

You KNOW that it was not simply a storage. He DID read every single book he had. I don't know, like... every room is full of book shelves and piles of books. It is impressive.

Not only that, but also the whole Manse has the narrative of messing with the Insight not meant for humans (or anyone, for that matter). There were records of forbidden knowledge everywhere, no wonder Inquisitors decided to burn it all down, for everyone's sake!

I love that he is really wise and educated, but ALSO a madman! And a more sympathetic kind of than, say, Micolash! He KNOWS he fucked up, and maybe he hoped he could've made Frenzied Flame work. He and his people suffered from religion-driven oppression long enough. Why would not he turn to the force that can take away "every sin and affliction"? Why not wish to "destroy all that divides and distinguishes"? This is a super good example of 'good intentions road to Hell' thing, and told so well through environment and buildup alone, too! god.

Least favorite thing about them:

This one actually makes me sad... It is hard to explain, but it is how 'limiting' his story is. Or rather, 'self-contained'.

When I first discovered the Woods, his manse and himself, I was ECSTATIC. You all probably remember my reaction, and how I could not shut up about both him and his lore! And Nanaya and his followers! I've had the Elden Ring loredigging of my LIFE. I remember how much emotions and joy of discovery I had like it was yesterday. I was super thrilled to figure out what happened, and wrote this ( x ) post. And then.....

Yeah, you see, it isn't anything new for Soulsborne games to have the player to find a character at the VERY end of their story. They are already dead when we arrive, we just make it official with our battle. However, most of the characters can be easily extracted from this fate in our imagination! You can imagine that they live anyway. You can slightly tweak the timeline events so it is not that bad. You can play with their past enough, you can pit them to interact with other characters with ease, you can play with AUs...

Midra feels different. He is very strongly 'locked' onto his fate. He is very contained within his manse, his story is limited to Inquisitors, Horsent servants and his family. And Frenzied Flame.. *sigh* "Saving" him from his fate is not something ordinary. Or, maybe, MY EYES ARE YET TO OPEN and I just haven't found the right way yet?

He feels just as isolated from the rest of the story and cast as Hornsent Inquisitors wanted him to be, and I can't explain why! I just.. dread the fact that there is not much for me left to discuss about him besides piecing together the story of him and his manse. All creativity is resorted to detalizing his past, but Frenzied Flame is not your ordinary Soulsborne death.. It is ultra super hyper extra uber nihilism. Once it touches you, you are merely winning extra time, body and mind, but not in the way Scarlet Rot does it. I'd need to dial toooooooOOOO far back to get him and Nanaya out of that and let them hang out with the rest of the cast! I guess I just need to "accept" it. I accepted Melina canonically annihilating herself, I can do this too, I guess. Just not yet. Separating him from Frenzied Flame just feels like amputating too much, you know? Yet that darn thing doesn't leave any hope or life... He is just too doomed even for Soulsborne characters standards, unless too much is reversed. I am very fixated on future and possibilities, in the way my mind works. @velvet-apricots is absolutely THE best person when it comes to detalizing his and Nanaya's past, it feels so alive!

Favorite line:

"I have endured... more than enough...". It is both really haunting AND got meme'd by me into infinity, sorry fdhfdhs It has the same energy as 'The night, and the hunt, were long...' except in a more fucked up context. Likewise, Midra is about to be released from torture of endless internal fight that everyone is doomed to loose, but it won't be sweet embrace of death just for him. It will be this for virtually everyone, if he is not stopped! And there is no way he doesn't know... Just imagine how much torment he went through, and for how long, to finally no longer be able to hold it back EVEN for the sake of every living being.

brOTP:

I do sometimes like to imagine him getting along with other nerds or sages/witches, as well as to dial back all the way into shared link between Midra's Manse and Shaman Village! He is intelligent just enough to be an easy target for crazy ideas, but also has a lot of heart... So, he is not on Sellen tier, but also not on Carians tier, but somewhere between. I think he and Nanaya should visit Ymir's palace somewhere in the timeline where Midra didn't mess with Frenzied Flame. :') Ymir is likewise a madman with both a big brain AND a big heart, but could have offered a softer perspective than fucking with the literal essence of non-existence.

Also, being friends with Madding Hand unironically works xD

Choice of Gravebird set is odd, but it connected in my brain that maybe he used to be a gravekeeper at Manse before! (Whether he used to wear something more modest or not is a question for another day fdhfdsh) I would expect someone like this be the second best person for Midra to talk to after Nanaya. Someone adjusted to very depressing and dark conversations, not being worn down by them nor trying to uplift Midra's spirit when he just wanted to rot a bit fdhfd Definitely see him as a favourite servant.

There is also the fact that he is the only one who survived Inquisitors barging in and executing everyone (except for Nanaya and technically Midra himself)! It is a question how, but prefer to imagine that he had the chance to leave and use the gift having lived, to try and put it behind him... but he did not, and chose to stay in the Abyssal Woods, he chose to make him living a problem of every Inquisitor he can hunt down. Because he just valued Midra and his service to him too much.

OTP:

He is literally married! xD There is no really anyone to ship him with besides Nanaya! I feel like any other person who gets considered would just be the third one in their bed at most fdhfhsd (doesn't sound bad actually but you see what I mean)

I have my vision of her reaction and attitude to the whole FF business, and at this rate they're dangerously close to having divorced energy. But even then, his loyalty and guilt before her is the ONE thing that has been keeping him from giving into FF, and I am sure she still loves him too no matter how hurt she was. I wrote a FULL ask meme about their ship ( x ) and I was surprised by how natural it was flowing? They are writing themselves and I don't know how or why!!! It is very hard to imagine them without one another. I kind of see their love as something that allowed both of their souls to truly bloom, otherwise they'd be more bitter, unfulfilled husks living regretful lives that'd feel like they were just wasted.

nOTP:

It is hard to imagine any other ship with him to BEGIN with, let alone something I would not like. xD But I feel like even if some crack ship (for example the crossover between Soulsborne games or a far-distanced AU) took off, I'd find it funny rather than frustrating! It'd just feel like a joke, so why get angry? (but like I said, in the end you just add third person in the bed, nothing more x) )

Random headcanon:

Midra does not like to admit it, but he can and will be somewhat selective regarding what he likes to learn! He might even disregard certain fields of "science" if they do not interest him or do not seem legit or in depth enough! Again, similarly to how Ymir declared the Moon "just the closest celestial object, nothing more". xD

Except, like I said, Midra would not like to be like this, and certainly not before people who are interested in the topic! He holds himself to a very high standard as a sage, and knows he must accumulate various knowledge and give change to everything. He must NOT be selective. Arguing with how his focus works though is hard, and Nanaya is the one who notices whether he is bored or even irritated with something! She knows that 'just be yourself dude your IQ is already like over 500 💀' won't work on him nor she'd try to do that! So she lets him to both complain and finds a way to make the topic that bores him more interesting to invest into! He could never be Gideon fdhsfdhs

Unpopular opinion:

Is this character popular enough to have UNpopular opinions? xD I suppose, maybe my vision of him and Lord of Frenzied Flame state? I basically see them as different characters. Even more separated than, say, Malenia vs Goddess of Rot or Godwyn vs Prince of Death! It is due to assimilative nature of Frenzied Flame... It is hard to explain. I see Lord of Frenzied Flame as something that needs a vessel to manifest, rather than being borne of this vessel! Tarnished as Lord of Frenzied Flame is like 95% the same being as Midra as Lord of Frenzied Flame imo. :p

Well, FF is the force opposite of disparity, so, sure. Though, Lor would copy manneurisms and visceral remains of its vessel while the world lasts! It would not dance so magnificently had Midra not secretly been a good dancer himself. Nobody just ever knew, not even himself sfhhd

Song I associate with them:

I'll have a couple!

For some reason, the 'I will survive' here was feeling to me more like a warning of sorts... so, after Midra, it clicked to me! It gives me this sense of dread he has knowing he is now an enemy of existence itself, sooner or later.

(Turn on subtitles on Youtube, it does have translation, just coded in subs!) Not quite Midra as himself! Rather, just unifying effect of Frenzied Flame itself... so, Lord of Frenzied Flame? But hey, when else I will have the chance to share this one?

Favorite picture of them:

I can't find a really cursed image of him that cracked me up, trust me I looked, so have this funi meme instead xD

( x )

[visionthefox]

Are Sun's stupid? or are they stooped from learing?(EaPs)

ok I had this ramble inside my head after seeying the last EaPs episode with Sun kidnaping Captinal Foxy..be warned, is a mess is Sun really.. dumb? or is that maybe .. just maybe.. he doesnt retain Information as long as the rest? I'll make this into two points so this ramble has some order.. How do they learn? sharing a mind does come with issues? now, we know this universe is way different from the one we know, not only both DCA stared up aware of themselves, But they also seem to be coded way different.. I know most things said in old videos dont always stay canon due to the VAs forgetting it, but I know theres key details they try to keep relevant.. and I feel THIS video comes to play a major role on learning how similar both DCA's duo are.. How do they learn?

Both Moon's seem to learn by watching and Copying, Moon said that himself (along side the knowladhe extractor, but thats cheating) while Moonpea ha been showed to us this. He had grew smarter as both Eclipse and Monty helped him on his game and overall tech issues.. one by speaking outloud and the other by direct touch, Moonpea inteligence comes from the literally two people that often times come to tutor him.. (and dare I say.. Eclipse plays a way major role in teaching as he is the one closer and one Moon trust the most with his KC) And Sunpea? thats the issue here.. unlike Moon, he recives less attention and less teaching's from Eclipse, is mostly Ballora that had mention to try and helped him out but we havent see that yet.. Sun from SaMs had been seen to learn by steps guides and repetition, mostly from his Spell lessions but we can assume he had learned to mature by having to teach Lunar how to behave, then NewMoon and now Dazzle , aside from having to learn all Universe stuffs by being told too many times.. (plus driving, is mostly by repetiton too, at least is here) Sunpea in the other hand seems to spend his time alone, unless Pups or Ballora visit him, he doesnt seem to gain much exposure or outside knowladge besides how to type and open apps.. he's has knowladge tho, but that seems to only come out when is needed ,and that is basic human/child care.. aside from that, he's mentioned to not care about tech talk, so most times he space out while Moon does his nerdy talk.. we Know Moon had tried to teach him, keep him company and be there for him, but Moon himself is young too, and Im sure he doenst get the energy to bring Sun back from LuLu Land every day.. sharing a mind does come with issues? one issue adressed is the lack of teachers for Sunpea,,but say he does get it.. would it stay? we werent told exactly how the memories and space bewtween both AIs work, we knew SaMs had separated memories therefore if one learned something the other didnt ..this made even more clean after separation but the peas? does Moon developing faster has a side effect on Suns maturity? is maybe one taking more space than the other? is maybe the lack of troubles and not fighting a major point? we dont know.. and I feel like maybe this is the reason why Sun seems to stay more childish than Moon..

is because none of them have any need to mature fast, theres no danger to their lives YET, there's no fight for control ,meaning to pushing each other down..and no need to actually change.. Sunpea is happy on his little bubble, he seems to not have any indications or motives to develop,yet we know Moon's trying his best I just think Sunpea just need a space and reason to develop more,, and with the addition to Capitan Foxy and his increase on Obssesion.. I think we may finally see more of Him!

[thequietkid-moonie]

Sharing a darling

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Naoko & Kazuya ] [ Pumpkin Night ]

⚠️ Yandere, I don't support nor try to romanticize this toxic behaivor, is just for entretaiment

⚠️ This contain heavy spoilers

I wasn't able to not write about the way across the main story, my mind just told me that it was a blasphemy to do it soooo this is write since the start of the manga... sorry... I love it anyways, hope you enjoy it too dear reader 🖤

It isn't too surprising that the two of them end up falling in love with you, it has being only the three of you for a long time after all. The first who catched feeling for you was Naoko, you were so kind to her being her friend, never judging her and, perhaps, even sharing her likings, it was just matter of time for her to love you, while for Kazuya it take a little longer, he was drag around by Naoko along with you, it was thanks to her that you two met and for him was also just matter of time for him to see how of a beautiful person you truly are, catch feelings for you too

Naoko was well aware of her feeling for you and embrace them with a smile, and it was also her who noticed the growing feelings of Kazuya for you, it was a surprise and it make her nervous at first, acting a little possesive and pouty when he was around you but after a sometime of thinking she just realice that Kazuya will not dare to do anything against you nor her, besides, Kazuya is the only one person she trust enough to let her darling with

Slowly both grow to have a silent agreement to share you since both like you with the same intensity and the other is the only one who they trust. Even when they felt like living a dream life that beautiful dream was soon broken the moment Naoko was taken away to the mental hospital. It was this whole situation what lead Kazuya to finally realice his feelings, he have lost one of the people he cares the most and nothing assure that those jerks wouldn't go against you too, leading him to me more protective over you and even paranoid

Kazuya spend all his time at your side, cursing himself for being a coward who wasn't able to protect Naoko, promising to himself that this time he will protect you with his life, slowly taking you apart from everyone for feeling paranoid, but still trying his best to keep you happy at his side

When Pumpkin Night arrived and started its hunting he was even more scared, he was scare that this person may try to kill you like with the others, feeling his heart stop everytime you were separate from him. But it was Naoko's stubborness that end up leading her to aproach you and reveal herself to you and Kazuya, wanting nothing more than have you in her arms again and tell you how much she had missed you, even if her hands are now bloodstained she is still the same Naoko who loves you with her whole life, she even thanks Kazuya for taking such good care of you

Still, the little dream was broke again when Naoko was almost killed, Kazuya end up finishing what Naoko started due her paranoic state, he was blaming himself for every that have happened and if he wants to stop being a coward he needs to finish the job, for yours and their sake

Being away from you was a torture for both, even if Naoko lost her memory for a while she knew something was missing, and Kazuya wanted nothing but destroy the mental hospital for keeping him away from you, and, honestly, it was just because you were with Matsui that Naoko found the strength to fight to free Kazuya, she knew that he loves you as much as she does and it would be unfair to leave him suffering like this after all he has done for both, so Naoko promised you to come back to you along with Kazuya so the three of you will be able to finally live your happy ever after (and threating Matsui to make sure nothing bad happen to you)

After all the mess that have happened during the battle in the mental hospital the first thing Naoko and Kazuya did was run to your side, taking you in their arms and crying their heart out, both expressing how much they have miss you and how much they love you, how you are the only light of hope that have being leading them to continue and how they can now life together

Honestly, since the start you have being dragged for them to their lifes and that will not change, you have no option nor room to protest (let alone after all what happened), now that Naoko and Kazuya finally have you nothing and no one will be able to set you apart again, both will make sure of that

Naoko and Kazuya cares so deeply for each other that are able to work perfectly together for the sake of their beloved darling, both know that the other love you with the same intensity and wil do everything to protect you, so they have nothing to fear. Normally they don't feel jealous of each other, they are completely willing to share, but if one feels like being left behind they will express it imediatly, while Naoko gets pouty and touchy Kazuya gets more possesive, holding you in his arms and covering you from everything else, but they can easily clear their problems

Naoko and Kazuya are completely capable to share you with each other, but only them, no one else is allowed to even get close to you (the only exception is babyface and still Kazuya tent to put himself between you two), you are allowed to talk to the others and relate to them but they hang by a thread, if they do as much as thinking on doing something weird or get too close they quickly get punished, Naoko and Kazuya will not hesitant to get violent to anyone who dares to get between all of you (even if is their ally, they have to learn that you are untochable, by the good or the bad)

Despite being kidnapted and insolated by the rest of the world Naoko and Kazuya are loving and really caring, they are living their happy ever after and they want you to be happy too, willing to fulfill any wish you have (as long as it doesn't involve leaving them), you can do whatever you want as long as you include them in your plans

[sincerely-sofie]

no worries if you aren't sure/rather not answer, take as long as you need, public response over private is okay does schizophrenia come under dissociative disorders, and if not, what's the difference?

i know i have /some/ form of dissociative(-like?) thing, as many people with DID or similar have pointed it out. but i don't have the alters separate memory different people fronting thing. what i do have is myself, logic brain, emotion brain, possibly other stuff, and

the part(s) that's actually relevant here - what feels like a peanut gallery of cptsd-induced hecks reinforcing internalised stuff. why i'm asking is your description of the hallucinations sounds more like them than a lot of experiences i've read, so i'm wondering if it'd be worth me looking into (i'm already in the process of signing up for therapy, but more info for initial assessment always good)

it's definitely not identical because as far as i know i don't hallucinate images or sounds (besides that i used to hear my sibling calling my name when they weren't for some reason?), and i don't know how to identify anything distinctly let alone have mental images of any of them like your drawings, but.

i'd appreciate any insight you may have, but no obligation of course (i know you probably know that already but peanut gallery yells at me if i don't make it clear) thanks even just for reading even if not sure how to answer :)

Media portrayals of schizophrenia vs. dissociative disorders oftentimes blur the lines between them. It's very understandable to be uncertain on which you may or may not be experiencing period--- but throw in the public confusion on the differences and it's a muddy mess to understand their distinctions. ESPECIALLY Dissociative Identity Disorder, oh my goodness. You mentioned DID by name, so I'll be using it and schizophrenia as the main apples and oranges I compare. Keep in mind that there's various forms of schizophrenia and dissociative disorders, though.

(Obligatory disclaimer that I am not a medical professional and the only qualifications I have to answer this is that I'm a field researcher of sorts. Good on you for starting signing up for therapy, PLEASE keep that process going. Do not take my word for gospel. I'm one person with no degree or training. Anyone reading this and relating to the mental illnesses I'm describing here should seek out medical professionals and be particularly wary of self-diagnosis for these disorders.)

The DSM-5 (aka The Big Book of Mental Bad Vibes) classifies schizophrenia and DID under two different umbrellas: psychotic disorders vs. dissociative disorders. They're two distinct, but similar, conditions. Schizophrenia's diagnostic criteria centers on a disconnection from and altered perception of reality. DID's diagnostic criteria, meanwhile, revolves around a disconnection in identity, awareness, and memory. People with a textbook case of schizophrenia, while they likely experience delusions, do not display alters--- though there may be erratic behavior and moods in individuals that can come across to outsiders as such.

While they're very distinct, they have a number of similarities and a distinct amount of overlap between symptoms at times. I've seen statistics saying that anywhere up to 50% of schizophrenia patients meet the criteria for DID--- though I'm personally wary of that statistic, as DID's diagnosis criteria and treatment has been shifting all over the place in recent years and I'm not sure when the statistic was said. It also reeks to me of the fear-mongering a lot of classic horror movies used when lumping the two disorders into a scary boogeyman figure.

All of that context aside, I'm a very strange example of schizophrenia, and my doctor has said at times that the diagnosis was more so something I received because it checked enough boxes and less so because it was something I truly embodied. He's said that if Anxiety with Psychosis were in the books, he'd have given me that diagnosis in a heartbeat. It's not, though, so I got the shiny moniker of Early Onset Undifferentiated Schizophrenia--- which basically means "Your brain exploded while you were a teen and the aftermath sort of fits into this one psychotic disorder's box, but only sort of". My experience with schizophrenia is not typical, and knowing what I know now about my mental health background, I'd say that PTSD and C-PTSD is the strongest overlap with my experience--- just with added psychosis for extra spice. Ultimately, my hallucinations were largely manifestations of my various complexes and neuroses--- this makes them a lot more comparable to thought processes in patients with a form of post-traumatic stress than your average schizophrenia patient's hallucinations.

It's important to note that a small degree of hallucinations / psychosis is normal--- we've all thought we heard a notification from our phone when no such thing happened, and hearing someone call your name when they actually didn't is a pretty typical experience. It's not cause for immediate concern. Heck, I thought hypnagogic hallucinations were part of my diagnosis--- it turns out over half the population experience them!

TL:DR; if my description of my hallucinations resonates with you, you're more likely to have some form of trauma or anxiety disorder than straight up schizophrenia or DID. I'm a weird case, and the way my hallucinations formed was apparently very atypical. So I really would recommend looking into the anxiety disorder / trauma angles before you start gaslighting yourself into questioning your perception of reality. Check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy strategies. The ones described in this workbook in particular ultimately did more for my recovery in the end than medication did--- and medication did a lot for my recovery. Absolutely keep seeking out therapy, because you need a medical professional to sift out whatever may be going on in your head--- ESPECIALLY if you suspect a psychotic or dissociative disorder is at play. Others with disorders might be able to identify someone with a similar condition, but they may also be only identifying symptoms which merely overlap with their own experiences. They are not professionals. Their word is valuable, but ultimately you need a doctor for this kind of thing.

[nero-vanderwolf]

Junpei has quickly found that Ken’s dungeon is fucking weird.

While reminiscent of Tartarus, there’s an almost haunting aspect to it that sends chills down his spine. It has a few reflections of real life in it that seem unnervingly out of place.

Framed photos of SEES and the Investigation Team, snapshots from his memories of everyone. Junpei sees him and Fuuka playing tag at the Naganaki Shrine the last night before Nyx’s awakening.

He sees Shinjiro and Kotone dangling from the jungle gym- Shinjiro is upside down, beanie clutched in his hand, off his head.

He sees Ken and Akihiko messing around on the slide, discussing ways to slide down it. He sees Makoto sitting on the steps to the offeratory box, a smile on his face and headphones sitting beside him. There’s no music playing in his ears tonight. He’s enjoying the moment as much as everyone else, in his own special way. Koromaru sits beside him, tail a grey blur and his red eyes shining in the moonlight.

He sees everyone having fun together, and feels an odd twinge in his chest.

Shaking himself free from the memories, he continues on his way through the dungeon.

The Investigation Team, thankfully, seems to know what they’re doing. They work together to take down Shadows, because even separated into different groups they still work together. It’s impressive, seeing the way they all mesh together in a fight. He’s especially impressed by Naoto and Kanji, how effortlessly they work together and how seamlessly their attacks blend.

It reminds him of Akihiko and Shinjiro, if he’s honest.

When he recalls how many floors there were in Tartarus, he groans in mild frustration. 264 floors, and they’re only on the second floor.

“Yo, Fuuka,” he grumbles as he, Aigis and Chie brave the dangers of the now-third floor. “How many floors are in this thing?”

Fuuka doesn’t answer. Rise makes an almost strangled-sounding noise in his earpiece.

“What the... That’s way more floors than usual!” She cries, and Junpei’s stomach sinks.

Aigis glances back at him. “The rough estimate is fifty,” she answers, and Chie stumbles.

“How many!?”

Junpei just sighs, swinging his sword. “Better than two-hundred sixty-four floors, at least.”

Aigis nods, then glances around the corner. Yu’s group is fighting with ease, Yosuke and Yu bouncing around and shouting to each other.

They move on, and so does their own little ragtag group.

When they ascend the stairs, a voice rings out across the entire dungeon.

“I’m so sorry.... It’s all my fault...”

“What the- What’s that!?” He asks, and Chie winces.

“In a dungeon, the creator of it can sometimes... Speak. Actually- no, it’s more complicated than that,” she says, and Junpei leans against the wall. The floor has no Shadows, so they have at least a little time.

“A dungeon shows the turmoil of someone’s heart. Kanji’s was a bathhouse, representing his desire to hide in the fog. Naoto’s was a lab, representing their desire to change. It sorta varies from person to person. In a dungeon, the person’s Shadow can ‘speak’. It’s more of a reflection of their innermost thoughts, but it comes out as their voice. Yukiko wanted to run away from her problems, Rise wanted to have control over her own life. Those thoughts were reflected by their Shadows. Make sense?”

Aigis frowns. “What do you mean ‘their’ Shadows? Shadows can belong to people?”

Chie nods. “It’s normal for people to have them. They’re formed by a suppression of thoughts. Mine formed because I didn’t want to accept the fact that I thought I was better than Yukiko, that she depended on me for everything. But once I accepted that, once I started working on myself to change that, then my Persona formed instead. That’s happened to everyone... Well- except Yu. He’s a special case, I think.”

“So... Can anyone have a Persona?” Junpei asks, and Chie nods after a moment of hesitation.

“Probably. I mean, if people accept their Shadows, then yeah.”

Junpei falls silent. Do the others in SEES have Shadows? Would accepting them mean their already-evolved Personas got a boost? Would their Personas change?

“...Let’s keep moving. We can’t afford to waste time,” he says finally.

There was a time and a place for contemplation, he's learned. And this wasn’t either of them.

Faintly, he can feel Trismegistus stirring. Chidori was with him, encouraging him to fight for the truth and his friends. That thought makes the prospect of his Persona evolving further even more terrifying.

He doesn’t want to lose her a second time.

i was honestly expecting the SEES to be absolutley SHOCKED that the number of floors in a dungeon was about 12 instead of 264 but also makes sense for ken's to have a large amount since hes used to 264 floors. the kens voice... baby its not your fault dont worry GAHHH!! SEES learning how shadows work in p4. im excited to see ken's shadow in this au... what he'll be like. also all the memories in his dungeon... he values everyone so much which also ties into his guilt... ALSO CHIDORI!!!! AHHHHH

[cake-apostate]

So after completing Legend of Sun Knight again, I am obsessed with Roland and Illu. And I mean that as in the sense of 'I like both of them separately' and 'What is their relationship??' (Given how Roland literally made Illu from his own blood, I think of him as Roland's filial adult son rather than a lover.)

We know that Illu is completely devoted to his monarch, but Roland's actions are a mess of contradictions. In their first scene together, Illu's literally chasing after Roland, who yells at him to leave him alone. But Roland's also pissed when Sun kidnaps Illu, no matter how much he denies it; Illu, for his part, knows he's a valuable hostage, but it comes across as less 'I'm so important that the Monarch will stop for me' and more 'I hate that you can use me to get to him'. And when Silent Eagle finds out, he's afraid.

Then Roland is more upset at Tyler being kidnapped, and he goes off and abandons Illu to the Demon King while he returns to the Holy Temple.

On the surface, Illu is valuable to Roland for two reasons: he does the jobs Roland can't do, and he's basically impossible to replace. Roland may be the strongest swordsman on the continent, and he can raise a massive army of undead, but he doesn't have the skillset to train and manage an army. So he made Illu by permanently tearing out a chunk of his power. But I think there's more to their relationship than just being a valuable servant.

In Pink's rant to Sun while he's dying, she claims that Roland couldn't feel emotions properly because dying was so painful that nothing else could compare. While we can take her words with a grain of salt, is that why Roland created a creature of darkness with no memory of death? After all, Illu claims that Roland never killed him; he's not the man who died, but the creature made from his corpse.

I also like to think the reason why all of Roland's undead show emotion is that Roland missed being able to feel. Someone else pointed out that Roland regained the ability to feel deeply after he became a Death Monarch (which might pair with the link between dark magic and emotion); going off of that, I'm wondering if he granted the ability to all of his undead because that's what he missed most about being alive.

Sun seems to have figured it out. When he interrogates Illu, Illu claims that he's the only one allowed to constantly be at Roland's side; not even Silent Eagle is permitted to stay, even though he trained all his life for the role (granted, Roland doesn't seem to like him, either). Much later, Demon King Sun laments that the only ones who can stay by the Demon King's side are those who cannot die.

Is that why Roland made Illu? Is he an immortal companion to replace his brothers at the Holy Temple? Or is it because the Demon King's temper tantrums wind up hurting the people around them, and an undead companion can soak up more damage than a mortal? It does seem like Roland has hurt Illu in the past; when Illu tries to fly after Roland in their first scene, his army starts begging him to back off. Although when I put it like that, that sounds like Roland wants to leave so he doesn't hurt Illu any more than he already did, just like how he left his brothers behind.

Roland basically abandoned Illu to Sun when he returned to the Holy Temple; Adair demoralizes him when he claims that Roland never even mentioned him. But was it really just abandonment, or was Roland going to a place where Illu couldn't follow? It's the headquarters for the religion that despises undead, and Roland can only stay there because Sun gave him a perfect cover.

Illu cannot thrive at the Holy Temple, not like Roland. He hates his human disguise, and doesn't have any memory of being human. Besides, he'd be all alone without his subordinates. The Holy Temple already hides one powerful undead, and maybe they can hide another, but what about his immediate subordinates? And theirs? Would they really be happy there?

Maybe I'm looking too deep into this. But I like to think that Roland wouldn't completely abandon Illu; I'm writing a fic where Roland comes back for him.

[wolfsbanemanor]

Floral Headcanons: moss ; a flower for maternal love: What was their mother like?

Their mother Artesia was a painter.

She had long, dark hair and pale skin, with blue-grey eyes. Lilith takes after her; Caleb mostly takes after his father. (He does have her eye color, though!)

She was a bit sad most of the time, because she had been locked in a Sim family's basement and separated from her sister, and forced to paint for hours each day to make money for the Sims upstairs, with little to no social contact. (It's a common practice in Simlandia. I'm not sure whether it's perfectly legal, or whether the law(s) against it are poorly enforced.) She drank a lot of red wine, and some of her paintings were very sad. (She still loved painting, she just didn't love being exploited for it. Understandably.)

She met her husband Edward when he rescued her from the basement and reunited her with her sister. They fell in love, and quickly got married, even though he was still in med school. She wasn't Edward's first woohoo partner, but he was hers.

She was very close with her sister. Her sister had married during her time in the basement, and she was always sad about having missed the wedding. Her sister had been trying for many years to have a child, and had suffered many miscarriages and negative pregnancy tests. Artesia got pregnant very shortly after she married Edward, without even trying.

She gave birth about (the Sims equivalent of) 6 weeks too early, at Willow Creek Hospital one hot summer evening. Her happiest memory (besides her wedding day with Edward) is holding her two little babies for the first time. She did the best she could to divide up her time among the two of them, though it wasn't easy. Lilith was healthy enough that she needed less or no NICU time. Caleb needed to spend some time in the NICU, because he was small and not as strong and healthy as Lilith. Artesia and Edward were worried he might not make it. She spent as much time by that incubator as she could, his tiny hand grasping her finger, or holding him (and Lilith) as much as possible, singing to him, nursing him, and praying with Edward to the Watcher for him. The next happiest day in her life was when he was ready to leave that little incubator and go home with her.

During this time, her sister got pregnant again, but kept the news to herself until she began to show. Artesia was so happy for her, and even more so when her sister gave birth to a little girl she named Lily, after their mother. (Who had, unfortunately passed away from an illness shortly before Artesia's basement time, so she never got to meet her grandchildren.)

Besides painting, she loved cooking and baking, and playing the piano. Caleb often helped her in the kitchen, while Lilith played soccer.

She never had any more children after Caleb and Lilith. She had wanted to have a big family, but her body just wouldn't let her. Still, she loved her children very much, and was always grateful for them.

The necklace Lilith wears belonged to Artesia, and before that, it belonged to her mother.

She was a bit of a homebody, seeing as she had not had any social contact for months or years in that basement, and that kinda messed her up.

She and Edward are buried in Willow Creek Cemetery, with beautiful headstones. They died in a tragic accident. When Caleb and Lilith got that call from the hospital, they were devastated. To this day, they still visit the graves regularly, leaving flowers and pretty stones under cover of night. (They aren't really welcome there, because they're vampires.)

Sometimes Caleb wonders what their parents would say if they knew he and Lilith were vampires. Edward and Artesia were, after all, Worshippers of the Watcher, and one of the tenets of the religion is that Occult Sims Are Bad (because they represent The Watcher's Shadow.) On the other hand, just as they were accepting of his bisexuality, they would likely have been accepting of his and Lilith's vampirism. After all, Caleb didn't choose it (it was forced on him in an act of violence most depraved), and while Lilith did, she did so to help him. (And it could be argued that she didn't fully consent to becoming a vampire, because Vlad deceived her.)

[sonxofxgondor]

@ofthevanyar asked: 🎁 - A new scabbard for his sword, carved with eagles and the tree of Gondor

Solstice Starters!

Candles of red wax and orange flame brightened the great fireplace of the Steward Palace. Scattered across the white stone mantel - surrounded by mounds of holly leaf, pinecones, and cinnamon sticks - the whole private chambers decorated for Solstice celebration. Blankets and pillows thrown onto the floor nearest the warm flames, in a moment of being together and alone, Boromir and Amarie welcomed the season. Reflected upon the memories that they alike shared, the histories that brought them to one another. Dressed in their days of rest clothes, simple and unadorned by the possessions of their status, bodies nestled close and without space between. Golden hairs spread across his shoulder, Boromir was comforted by more than the hot mug he held within his hands. Chocolate brought to shimmer over stove and sweetened with milk; the delicious steam drove his senses to an almost boyish wild, was the reason for why his cup was nearly emptied.

Amarie kissed as the flames flickered before them, the bells of cheer to be heard outside their glass window, the snow-lace curtains that sheltered them from the bitter cold. Prayers and thanks offered to the heavens above; there was much to be grateful for. Blessings always counted, Boromir was forever indebted for the graces that were given. Beyond the world would he have gone without them. All but scars on his torso the evidence, the maiden he loved beside him in the safety that was their home. Returned to each other; where no evil could separate them. Small tokens of affection unable to prove the extent, it was when Amarie presented him a gift that Boromir was taken from his conversation with the gods.

Wrapped by her gentle hands, in a paper that depicted adorable does and bucks in the wood, sharing in cranberry bush delights, Boromir revealed Amarie's thoughtful present. Darkened leather in brown, stitched and carved with eagle-birds and the tree of their land, Gondor and her grandest treasure. Crafted by the artisans, the labor of hours and sweat, all for his sake, Boromir did not hide the tears that took to his gray eyes. Set his mug down and grasped Amarie's hands, lifted them both to his lips and kissed each knuckle. A smile that shinned as bright as the baubles that decorated their tree - lush balsam fir, so green and full - apple slices, colored paper in shapes of stars, hanging gemstone in silver and gold.

"Amarie, you spoil me." Boromir chastised playfully, releasing her hands only so he could reach for his own wrapped gift, hidden behind their mess of fluff and innocent frills, the shadows of the flames in the fireplace.

Concealed in yellow, painted with swirls and loops of translucent sparkle, he offered the oval-shaped bundle to her, excitement hardly masked. "Arphendil will look like a true sword of our people now! Dressed in such fine craftsmanship - thank you. But here, my love, for you! Though I am far from the quiet sort, as you understand well, I do have my moments of listening. I'll tell not just where this fact was made known from, but I have certain knowledge that you are fond of weaving fabric. A noble pursuit, if I may say, and one that I hope I can contribute to your continued interest. There. I'll say no more! Go on, dearest, open it!"

[mcrmadness]

Maths is quite "funny" sometimes. Or more of my ability or the inability to learn and memorize things sometimes.

I'm at more advanced exercises on this statistics maths section and honestly, I don't really think that I'm understanding what I read. I constantly have to look up what the terms mean despite writing them down yesterday and reading them from my notes 5752748 times. I already forgot how to count the average from this table despite being just fine at that 2 days ago.

And now I again have to calculate something that I knew how to do in LibreOffice Calc yesterday, but do I know how to do that now? Absolutely not. It's like I'm reading about this for the first time ever. I'm reading my notes and I don't understand a word. My notes explain what it means but I don't understand what it means, it sounds like an exact same thing as another term here but apparently they are two separate things and I don't know how or why.

Now I have to look up again how to do these calculations because calculating this average already messed up with my head so much that I just can't think in maths at all right now. Besides, the book and course pretty much just go "use the function XYZ on Excel to count this" and it doesn't really help much if I learn how to autopilot through those but don't comprehend what I'm doing and why, or what it consists of. I'd rather learn how to calculate these by hand, even if it's unsure whether I will still comprehend it or not. The thing with me and maths (and physics) is that I CAN learn to memorize formulas, I can use those after I do so, but it does not mean that I understand what I'm doing. I'm just following instructions and my brain has turned itself off. If you give me an exercise that requires me to come up with a formula myself... I can't do it. I barely can even do the most simple calculations if I have to figure out myself how to calculate it.

I was so good at physics at school only because we were given a paper with all the formulas written down on it and we could use a calculator. I memorized what all those letters stood for and could follow the formulas cos it was all about memory and less about thinking and figuring out things yourself. (But I only remembred those for the time I needed them which was: until the exam was over.)

In general, maths is such a weird concept. There are certain things I need in everyday life still, but I also realized that while sometimes learning maths is fun, I don't do it for fun ever because I do absolutely nothing with the information. I learn languages for fun because those skills will always be useful. Maths skills? Not so much, unless it's some basic maths needed in everyday life. But all this stuff I have been doing here now, the statistics and stuff, I'll never need these (apart from counting the average) unless I'd have to do some accounting if I ever become an entrepreneur. The same way I have always liked equations but have I ever needed them anywhere outside school? Absolutely not.

[heavenlyvanguard]

You're holding Kalem's memories. What does this mean? Do you see these memories or feel them?

"They try to seep into my own memories, but I have them separated at the moment. They are... Quite powerful. There are many strong emotions within them... It makes things-- difficult. The constant power output is draining; keeping our memories separated when they so desperately want to be seen is taxing on the body."

He was starting to feel the pain that poor Kalem had felt... Besides his strength slowly being sapped away, the memories were messing with his emotions too.