#doesnt everyone need a big ol glass of wine these days

[lyrium-mysterium]

Just some Cozy!Drarry vibes 🍷⚡ [for @caitlinlierer]

[jewpacabruhs]

kyle’s bar mitzvah headcanons

his mom doesn't want him inviting too many goyim (non-jews) so he only invites stan, kenny, & butters

cartman steals the info from butters & shows up in a too-small suit

he bitches about being in a room full of jews the whole time he's there

then he cries during the parents speeches

butters offers him a tissue & cartman says “fuck u butters u fuckin asshole” loudly & everyone glares at him

kenny puts the yarmulke (the lil hat) on top of his hood sfnkjd

kyle’s great aunt or something tells kenny he should take it off cuz it’s disrespectful. he very seriously tells her “it’s glued to my head ma’am, i can’t” & walks away. this horrifies the poor ol lady

butters holds the siddur (prayer book) upside down & flips through it backwards for half the program before stan leans over & says “dude i think it’s backwards. cuz u read hebrew backwards.” & kyles distant cousin thockmorten glares at them

there’s two or three prayers you’re supposed to cover your eyes during, & you do it by placing a cupped hand over your eyebrows i guess? idk how to describe it. anyway butters sees ppl doin this, and he puts both hands over his eyes peek-a-boo style. cartman elbows him & says “knock it off jackass.” thockmorten glares some more (pls tell me u get this joke)

leading up to the big day, stan asks kyle way too many times if he needs to learn words, phrases, etc, cuz he doesnt wanna fuck anything up. kyle has to tell him to “calm down, dude, ur not gonna fuck anything up, stop worrying, ok?”

stan also wants to do one of the aliyahs (which involves reading from the torah, & therefor reading hebrew. it’s reserved for people who are close to the b’nai mitzvah kid - parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents, sometimes friends), but kyle convinces him to do the torah dressing instead, which doesn't involve speaking & is hard to mess up

he trips on the bimah when he goes up bc he’s a dork. everybody laughs at him & he blushes but kyle’s smiling so it’s ok

butters goes around saying "good show-bus" the whole time before kyle’s able to correct him

kenny eats ten pieces of challa (ur not,,,supposed to)

and he gets a cup of “wine”, complains about it being grape juice, then drinks 7 of them & gets sugar-high. they’re very small cups btw. like shot glass size (& ur only supposed to have one lmao)

kenny also hoards the candy he’s supposed to throw at kyle (that’s a thing. u get candy chucked at u to symbolize the beginning of the sweetness of adulthood or smth, which is bullshit. also it hurts. imagine thirty ppl chucking snickers at u. owie) this contributes to his sugar high as well

cartman’s sitting up front, and he throws several candies as hard as he can, and one hits kyle in the eye, and he gets hurt & sheila has a fit, but kyle toughs it out like a big boy

the boys insist on lifting kyle into the chair themselves during the horah

except cartman. he sits down & grumbles abt how jewish it all is

when sheila gets in the chair they drop her ndskjfnd

cartman ends up talking in german to kyle's great uncle yehoshua for three hours. they discuss world war 2. this fella went undercover as a nazi, which cartman thinks is badass & very respectable. 

then he goes home, but before he leaves, he finds kyle & tells him, “u kno, jews r kinda cool” which blows kyles mind

there’s a bar & kenny smoozes up to the barmaid & gets free booze,,,despite bein thirteen

at some point he spills alcohol on kyle and his nice bar mitzvah suit. including his brand new tie tht his mom jus bought him. kyles sad abt this. kenny apologizes 30 times

kenny dies from too much sugar & dancing & drinking. this ruins the whole night

fortunately when he comes back the next day no one remembers that, they just remember having fun. which is Good

everybody has lots of Fun & it’s all Awesome & Nice

[icoulddieandwecouldlive4eve-blog]

just in case this goes missing

This is my manifesto

That beautiful morning, i hadnt gotten any sleep that night because i was up ranting about OCCULTISM and rape and dug abuse. When my friend, Quaint, showed up he was shaking and his lips were an off shade of grey. He asked to use my phone and called his mama saying that he might go to hospital today because he felt sick. I told him that he wasnt sick he was just DTing and needed alcohol to subdue the effects on his body. I walked to go get medicinal whiskey but the liquor store wasnt open. I walked to the whole foods and picked up 2 bottles of wine and some doggo treats for his dog, chance. He didnt want the treats i gave him but he was such a good protector of his friend. We passed the wine around, casually outside of the unopened shop. 

THEYASKEDME IF WAS SEEIN OR HEARING ANYTHING

It was Monday morning (Mid December 2019) when i had contact with the first officer in front of an establishment called “The Love of Ganesha” on Haight St in San Francisco. I dont remember his badge name or number but he was a well groomed caucasian male. He approached me because he had gotten a call that morning about disorderly conduct (or something along those lines) he arrived at the scene, harrassed my surrounding family, and moved them down the line. After everyone had moved he approched me and Threatened to detain me for being under the influence or for being crazy or something like that. He told me he was taking me to the SF psychiatric ward. I asked him what he was detaining me for. I asked him again what he was detaining me for. He approached my husband and asked Sean if he knew me and if he could help me move me belongings and myself to another location. My stuff was in dissarray but we moved down to the corner of haight and ashbury where my husband sean took and long nap (we were up the entire night before)

My friends and i spent most of the day on that corner, playing with our kitties and talking to touring adults. Around sundown,shortly after a woman donated several dogbeds, my good friend Caveman approached the corner and put down his belongings. Seconds later a squad car with flashing lights pulled up to the scene and two officers of the law got out. One of them was a young african american male and the other was a (assumed to be) younger asian american male. The asian american male (we’ll just call him “woodstick”) “Woodstick” immediatly addressed caveman by asking him “how is your son” whih i thought was very rude. But then “woodstick” told everyone that they had to leave “his” corner. (im pretty sure he doesnt pay rent on that corner but anyway) as me and my husband packed up our belongings “woodstick” got out his big wooden stick and wore it on his hip like a Gun. I wasnt threatened but everyone else, all fed up with the harrassment, moved along. 

I stayed up all night that night talking my husband’s ear off and crying. I fell asleep shortly but was woken up by my hyper-sensitive on-guard dog around 4:30 am. So not much later in the morning i got up and even through my husband asked me not to go, i wanted to walk and yell and talk someone els’s ear off. So i took our 3 kittens, (because they were wide awake) and i went to haight st. i sat on my dog’s bed on the corner of haight st and ashbury and made a sign that said I protest this state. For  the sake of my deceased friends:

I screamed that i was being raped, I screamed that i was being murdered, i screamed “wake up people” and i screamed “NARCAN call 911 call 911 call 911 i am overdosing on heroin! oh wait thats not what someone who is overdosing on heroin sounds like” I was furiously flipping off everyone and nobody cared. 

Anyway, an african american police officer arrived at the scene, right around 7 am right after shift change i assume (she never mentioned getting a call). She pulled up wto me and said “stand up”, i said “no”, she said “im taking you to jail”, she put on black gloves and got out of her car and asked me politely what the problem is. I explained my situation to her and she politely told me where to go to file a formal complaint against off. “Woodstick” and then when i continued to not comply she gave me a tresspassing 25 ticket. Then she said that because i wasnt leaving “ we were going to have another problem” i told her to contact her SGT. and she did so. A white man arrived at the scene and rudely told me… something (i wasnt listening ) i was also flipping off people as they walked by. So the SGT starts grabbing at me and pushing my hat and other belongings around, almost as if he was trying to piss me off more. Then he grabbed me by my shoulder and so did the african american female officer that had orginally made contact with me. I explained “dont touch me” “stop harrassing me” “i know my rights” (which im not sure i do anymore)Then shorltly another 4 or so officers showed up to the scene and pushed my face into the ground, got one arm behind my back, broke my glasses and they said “stop resisting” multiple times. Then they threatened to take me to jail. They told me my religious artifact would have to be removed and then they forcefully tried to remove my silver and lapiz ring. My figner had already been broken recently so  i knew that my ring wouldnt come off easily. I told the officers that as they FORCEFULLY tried to remove my religious artifact. I mentioned the first amendment to them. They continued to try to remove my ring threatening me with detainment. Then the SFFD showed up and they put me on the gurnie. Forced my right hand. Took my cat’s basket and my dog’s new dog bed that was given to me by that kind woman.

Took me to the Zuckerberg San Francisco General hostpitable where they werent very hospitable. After they laughed at me and made fun of me, they got me a chaplain named mary kay who gave me 2 bibles and another chaplain also named mary talked me through the trauma like a couple of pros. They doctors asked m what was physically wrong and i told them my hand feet and torso and arms hurt. They brought in an xray machine and asked me if i might be pregnant. When i said it was possible they left with the xray machine… never took  a urine sample. While they were xraying my hands i told them that i believed i have a stress fracture inin both of my feet. They never even checked. After being taken to the psych ward (which reeked of county jail) I spoke to a psychiatrist for 5 minutes before they knocked me out witha variety of pills. The next morning i woke up and they gave me my breakfaast (mushroom omlette) and i announced i was doing a hunger strike, drank a cup of coffee. Not long after they allowed me to call my mom. My mother offered to pick me up from the hospital but i told her i wanted to be released on my own recognisance. Not long after they allowed me to shower and leave. 

MY partner, sean, was waiting outside for me and my friend shane came and picked us up.

That evening i bought a pack of PBRs, because it was all i could afford beer wise, and i went to haight st and handed them out to my friends. I put my belonging under a scaffolding to protect it from the cold rain. My friend caveman screamed at me on sight “you are the only other woman to be 5150 from here other than misha” who misha is i dont know.

King and 14th

I scrambled to get to the train station. Screaming the whole way. I begged people to let me use there phone because mine had died. I went into the train station and frantically tried to find money in my purse. An older african american woman approched me and asked me what the problem was and offered to by me a ticket. I stated plain and clear that i would also need a ticket for m partner and she said it would cost her too much. My partner told me to quiet down and payed for his own ticket while she bought me mine. I promptly lost it.

Friday the 13th December

It was raining when my partner got off the BART train. We walked to the closest covered porch and started to unwind. After watching a couple older gentlemen leave the building i assumed that it was a federal building. We went to sleep there. Around 2 am (december 14) in the middle of shift change SGT 8 and OFF 10 woke us up and off. 10 threatened to take me and my husband to jail… or to the hospital… i dont remember exactly what his plan was but he put those stupid blue gloves on. As soon as i started rambling to myself they left. NO CONTACT 

My husband and i got our asses moving and as we walked we started to argue (but not in a “im mad at you and you suck”kind of way but in a “i was exhausted already” kind of way) i told him to stay put after we walked not even half a mile. I walked with my yellow water bottle in hand so that traffic could see me more clearly. I got to the fire house. Rang the doorbell.

Rang the doorbell again, i was quite dehydrated at this point. I used my limited knowledge of morse code to sing S.O.S. and WATER and FIRE and HELP. when i noticed the fire department waking up i motioned at them for water. They laughed and shook their heads or something like that. I was so angry at this point i may have started hallucinating. 

2 cop cars pulled up. 4 lights shone. I put my hands up with my big ol sharpie in one hand and my water bottle in the other. SGT 8 rushed me, snatched the bottle out of me hand, threw it away from me, and put my on the ground and in cuffs. He did not read me any sort of any rights. Anyway he asked me if i was writing on the building or doors. they ran my name. Asked me what the problem is… i told them i was tired and i had just had a fight with my husband. I mentioned the domestic abuse and they said “dont use that word” i told them i needed a ride to the hospital, he said he would only give me a ride if i was under the influence of drugs and shined his BRIGHT ass light in my eyes, practically blinding me. I told him i had smoked weed (a legal substance to consume if you arent operating a motor vehicle) he said i didnt seem high and he was right because the cheap weed i smoked barely did anything anyways. So i mentioned the water thing again after they allowed me to sit on their bumper (so polite) i asked them for their badge numbers and the ten (more like a seven but he’s a cop there is only so far you can get with that) said he was 10 and the four told me he was 8. Brisbane PD. where there is no hospital apparently. So they confirmed that i was being transported and he said hed give me a ride to square one. And one water bottle when i got out. Then he told me hed give me two water bottles which was great because i was REALLY fucking thirsty at that point. And then in the privacy of his cruiser he said “my water bottle is just like your water bottle except my bottle is full and yours is empty” which i thought was pretty offensive but i didnt say anything. So SGT 8 drops me off at the gas station (which wasnt the federal building that i woke up at that morning but details are so 19th century) and puts my water bottle and a new sealed water bottle on the curb of the gas station. Takes my cuffs off, probably said some fuck shit. And said “anything else” and as they got into their cars i said “oh yes and i am in fear of hurting myself AND OTHERs”

And i walked.

And i screamed

And i cruised by my sleeping darling and i wrote a little happy face on the lid of the bottle and i left it for him and i walked some more and when i was out of ear shot of him i whistled. I SCREAMED and i banged my bottle against a pole. I took out my lipstick and i drew a heart on a sign. I drew my signature (MAD (mutually assured desrtuction) read it in HS kinda liked the ring to it) and i walked and i screamed some more. I heard owls in the trees. I saw two men in the trees one had a light in his hand and they stood patiently. I said “hello?” and i heard one of them say “what?”

Later on after eating and getting some fluids in me i am back at the Brisbane fire department and i rang the doorbell once. A young beautiful woman comes to the door and i told her i needed medical attention

Giovanini Gomez asked me what i wanted #1 asked me what he could do for me. 

They gave me a psychotic break and a whole season of episodes and then asked me what they could do for me. Then told me very rudely to get out of town.

So i did

[jimdsmith34]

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

Naomie and Craig go to a couples therapist. The therapist looks like one of those cool dad types who wears Hawaiian shirts in his off time and says things like “I’m down. I’m hip. Right, guys?”

Craig: Im not saying that Naomie shouldnt question me ever because shes my girlfriend, Im saying she shouldnt be my girlfriend unless shes willing to have a blind and unwavering devotion to everything I say and do.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Landons wearing a flannel because shes trying to attract more lumbersexuals. Where they at in Charleston, though? Also, girl, you have a boyfriend AND another older guy you’re trying to seduce. It’s enough.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Shep walks in and says Where theres smoke theres fire, and Landon and Austen are looking very amorous. Cant you just say they look cozy like a normal fucking person? Also, no they do not look amorous. They look like two people having a normal conversation. Just because you use big words doesn’t mean you’re automatically right.

Drink again because Shep described Chelsea as laissez-faire. Just call her laid back, dude. Shes a person, not an economic theory of capitalism. He also thinks that he should be dating Chelsea because they both DGAF but you cant have two people in a relationship who DGAF; thats just a recipe for disaster. SOMEBODY has to give a fuck.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Im sorry but Thomass dad needs his own subtitles because I cannot understand this man for shit. He asks his dad for advice and his dads like Buy low, sell high. Thanks, dad, Why didn’t you just tell him plastics? That would have been just as helpful.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricias got some bougie-ass friend visiting her who literally specifies what type of glass she wants her vodka tonic in. Come on, this is a vodka tonic, not some expensive wine. Its gonna taste the same regardless of the type of stem on the glass.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

JD goes over to Thomas house (or office, I cant tell, fuck it) and Thomas is like I heard Kathryn and Elizabeth are hanging out. Like, no shit, they are friends? Thomas brings up Kathryns letter and this shit is long. Like 18 pages front and back long. I’m not recapping the contents of the letter because I fell asleep.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Patricia and her friend are wearing matching dog caftans. I have no comment. I mean, my grandma (may she rest in peace) used to wear 90s windbreaker tracksuit outfits well into the 2000s, so we all have our things.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party and Craig is like Therapy was great, clearly the lesson we learned was please be nice to me tonight and dont treat me like shit. Real productive session.

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Cameran would be sucking up to this lady for not letting people curse at the dinner table. Bitch, please. You asked Shep last week of Chelsea gave him a hard-on. Just because you used the word “weiner” instead of “dick” doesn’t make you a saint. Please drop the Holier Than Thou act.

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Honestly, this high society lady getting morally offended by the word fuck needs to fuck off. Come the fuck on, bitch, You were alive when abortions werent legal and youre gonna act like you cant stand hearing the word fuck? One more time because I’m petty: FUCK!!!!

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye. 

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/im-starting-cameran-eubanks-is-over.html

[samanthasroberts]

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

Naomie and Craig go to a couples therapist. The therapist looks like one of those cool dad types who wears Hawaiian shirts in his off time and says things like “I’m down. I’m hip. Right, guys?”

Craig: Im not saying that Naomie shouldnt question me ever because shes my girlfriend, Im saying she shouldnt be my girlfriend unless shes willing to have a blind and unwavering devotion to everything I say and do.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Landons wearing a flannel because shes trying to attract more lumbersexuals. Where they at in Charleston, though? Also, girl, you have a boyfriend AND another older guy you’re trying to seduce. It’s enough.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Shep walks in and says Where theres smoke theres fire, and Landon and Austen are looking very amorous. Cant you just say they look cozy like a normal fucking person? Also, no they do not look amorous. They look like two people having a normal conversation. Just because you use big words doesn’t mean you’re automatically right.

Drink again because Shep described Chelsea as laissez-faire. Just call her laid back, dude. Shes a person, not an economic theory of capitalism. He also thinks that he should be dating Chelsea because they both DGAF but you cant have two people in a relationship who DGAF; thats just a recipe for disaster. SOMEBODY has to give a fuck.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Im sorry but Thomass dad needs his own subtitles because I cannot understand this man for shit. He asks his dad for advice and his dads like Buy low, sell high. Thanks, dad, Why didn’t you just tell him plastics? That would have been just as helpful.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricias got some bougie-ass friend visiting her who literally specifies what type of glass she wants her vodka tonic in. Come on, this is a vodka tonic, not some expensive wine. Its gonna taste the same regardless of the type of stem on the glass.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

JD goes over to Thomas house (or office, I cant tell, fuck it) and Thomas is like I heard Kathryn and Elizabeth are hanging out. Like, no shit, they are friends? Thomas brings up Kathryns letter and this shit is long. Like 18 pages front and back long. I’m not recapping the contents of the letter because I fell asleep.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Patricia and her friend are wearing matching dog caftans. I have no comment. I mean, my grandma (may she rest in peace) used to wear 90s windbreaker tracksuit outfits well into the 2000s, so we all have our things.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party and Craig is like Therapy was great, clearly the lesson we learned was please be nice to me tonight and dont treat me like shit. Real productive session.

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Cameran would be sucking up to this lady for not letting people curse at the dinner table. Bitch, please. You asked Shep last week of Chelsea gave him a hard-on. Just because you used the word “weiner” instead of “dick” doesn’t make you a saint. Please drop the Holier Than Thou act.

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Honestly, this high society lady getting morally offended by the word fuck needs to fuck off. Come the fuck on, bitch, You were alive when abortions werent legal and youre gonna act like you cant stand hearing the word fuck? One more time because I’m petty: FUCK!!!!

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye. 

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/

[adambstingus]

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

Naomie and Craig go to a couples therapist. The therapist looks like one of those cool dad types who wears Hawaiian shirts in his off time and says things like “I’m down. I’m hip. Right, guys?”

Craig: Im not saying that Naomie shouldnt question me ever because shes my girlfriend, Im saying she shouldnt be my girlfriend unless shes willing to have a blind and unwavering devotion to everything I say and do.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Landons wearing a flannel because shes trying to attract more lumbersexuals. Where they at in Charleston, though? Also, girl, you have a boyfriend AND another older guy you’re trying to seduce. It’s enough.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Shep walks in and says Where theres smoke theres fire, and Landon and Austen are looking very amorous. Cant you just say they look cozy like a normal fucking person? Also, no they do not look amorous. They look like two people having a normal conversation. Just because you use big words doesn’t mean you’re automatically right.

Drink again because Shep described Chelsea as laissez-faire. Just call her laid back, dude. Shes a person, not an economic theory of capitalism. He also thinks that he should be dating Chelsea because they both DGAF but you cant have two people in a relationship who DGAF; thats just a recipe for disaster. SOMEBODY has to give a fuck.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Im sorry but Thomass dad needs his own subtitles because I cannot understand this man for shit. He asks his dad for advice and his dads like Buy low, sell high. Thanks, dad, Why didn’t you just tell him plastics? That would have been just as helpful.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricias got some bougie-ass friend visiting her who literally specifies what type of glass she wants her vodka tonic in. Come on, this is a vodka tonic, not some expensive wine. Its gonna taste the same regardless of the type of stem on the glass.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

JD goes over to Thomas house (or office, I cant tell, fuck it) and Thomas is like I heard Kathryn and Elizabeth are hanging out. Like, no shit, they are friends? Thomas brings up Kathryns letter and this shit is long. Like 18 pages front and back long. I’m not recapping the contents of the letter because I fell asleep.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Patricia and her friend are wearing matching dog caftans. I have no comment. I mean, my grandma (may she rest in peace) used to wear 90s windbreaker tracksuit outfits well into the 2000s, so we all have our things.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party and Craig is like Therapy was great, clearly the lesson we learned was please be nice to me tonight and dont treat me like shit. Real productive session.

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Cameran would be sucking up to this lady for not letting people curse at the dinner table. Bitch, please. You asked Shep last week of Chelsea gave him a hard-on. Just because you used the word “weiner” instead of “dick” doesn’t make you a saint. Please drop the Holier Than Thou act.

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Honestly, this high society lady getting morally offended by the word fuck needs to fuck off. Come the fuck on, bitch, You were alive when abortions werent legal and youre gonna act like you cant stand hearing the word fuck? One more time because I’m petty: FUCK!!!!

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye. 

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163164270437

[allofbeercom]

I’m Starting The Cameran Eubanks Is Over Party

Last week onwas the hunting trip and I hope the group has all recovered from their hangovers. I know I am still feeling yesterdays shenanigans, for one. #NeverDrinkingOnASundayAgain #UntilNextSunday

Kathryn calls Whitney to catch up or get coffee. I hope she doesnt hold her breath waiting for that call to get returned. Or did we watch different season threes?

I really did not need this gratuitous scene of Thomas driving around Charleston telling Kenzie about all the buildings his family owns. Like, we get it. Youre rich and powerful.

Naomie and Craig go to a couples therapist. The therapist looks like one of those cool dad types who wears Hawaiian shirts in his off time and says things like “I’m down. I’m hip. Right, guys?”

Craig: Im not saying that Naomie shouldnt question me ever because shes my girlfriend, Im saying she shouldnt be my girlfriend unless shes willing to have a blind and unwavering devotion to everything I say and do.

That’s not alarming at all…

Honestly, Im kind of with Craig on the whole being from the North is not yelling thing, though.

Craigs denying that he called Naomie a moron. This is truly some Donald Trump level of denial. WE HAVE YOU ON TAPE. Can we roll the playback, please? Craig, welcome to your tape.

Landon show sup to some bar and orders herself a shot and a beer. Respect, honestly.

Landons wearing a flannel because shes trying to attract more lumbersexuals. Where they at in Charleston, though? Also, girl, you have a boyfriend AND another older guy you’re trying to seduce. It’s enough.

Austen asks Landon about Drew who is apparently asking Landon if she loves him. Poor guy, he has no idea whats in store for him.

Landon says shes ready to settle down again because her dog is getting old, basically. Sure, thats as good a reason as any.

Shep walks in and says Where theres smoke theres fire, and Landon and Austen are looking very amorous. Cant you just say they look cozy like a normal fucking person? Also, no they do not look amorous. They look like two people having a normal conversation. Just because you use big words doesn’t mean you’re automatically right.

Drink again because Shep described Chelsea as laissez-faire. Just call her laid back, dude. Shes a person, not an economic theory of capitalism. He also thinks that he should be dating Chelsea because they both DGAF but you cant have two people in a relationship who DGAF; thats just a recipe for disaster. SOMEBODY has to give a fuck.

Thomas visits his dad whos approximately 800 years old. He seems to work for the Museum of the Confederacy

Me:

Thomas dad is like back in the good ol days you could get a hot dog for a nickel and a slave for a dime! Those were the days.

Im sorry but Thomass dad needs his own subtitles because I cannot understand this man for shit. He asks his dad for advice and his dads like Buy low, sell high. Thanks, dad, Why didn’t you just tell him plastics? That would have been just as helpful.

Austen and Chelsea are in some American Ninja Warrior wet dream/obstacle course situation. This looks like a bad date youd see in . NEXT!

Theyre betting each other for kisses like this is fucking middle school.

Oh wow, Austen had an older sister who passed away in an accident. Thats terrible. A moment of silence. This shit is sad.

Austens sisters name was Kyle and Chelsea is like OMG Kyle? Thats my brothers name! Bitch, this is not about you.

Patricias got some bougie-ass friend visiting her who literally specifies what type of glass she wants her vodka tonic in. Come on, this is a vodka tonic, not some expensive wine. Its gonna taste the same regardless of the type of stem on the glass.

Patricia is throwing an Indian themed party to celebrate her lily white friend.

Me:

Kathryn goes into Chelseas salon for a hair cut. I smell a set-up.

Kathryn: Shep told me you were a great stylist, aka the producers are making me come here.

Kathryn: Money doesnt grow on trees spoken by the lady whos trying out modeling instead of getting a real job to support her two infant children.

JD goes over to Thomas house (or office, I cant tell, fuck it) and Thomas is like I heard Kathryn and Elizabeth are hanging out. Like, no shit, they are friends? Thomas brings up Kathryns letter and this shit is long. Like 18 pages front and back long. I’m not recapping the contents of the letter because I fell asleep.

Kathryn: If I were to see Thomas Id just want to give him a big hug.

Ive never heard that synonym for punch to the face before.

Kathryn: Thats the thing with Thomas. Hes such an asshole but hes a good person.

Me trying to figure out how that makes any sense at all:

Patricia and her friend are wearing matching dog caftans. I have no comment. I mean, my grandma (may she rest in peace) used to wear 90s windbreaker tracksuit outfits well into the 2000s, so we all have our things.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party and Craig is like Therapy was great, clearly the lesson we learned was please be nice to me tonight and dont treat me like shit. Real productive session.

Landon shows up to this party alone, so I guess Drew or whatever his name is is officially over.

Patricia is explaining how to eat curry, i.e. you take the rice and you put the curry on top of the rice. Cameron says Oh snap! What, putting shit on top of rice is too much for you to handle, Cam?

Cameran would be sucking up to this lady for not letting people curse at the dinner table. Bitch, please. You asked Shep last week of Chelsea gave him a hard-on. Just because you used the word “weiner” instead of “dick” doesn’t make you a saint. Please drop the Holier Than Thou act.

Patricia brings an Indian healer aka a lady whos gonna bring everyone up into the hot seat and make unfounded speculations about each of them. Can’t wait:

SHEP HAS NO CHILL. Craig goes up there and hes like Will Craig ever admit law isnt his true passion?

Healer lady: No, because law is his true passion.

Boom, roasted by the Indian healer!

Craig asks the healer about his connection with Naomie and the healer calls them soulmates. Naomies face is like fuck you, fuck you fuck you. This is her facial expression:

Kind of an odd reaction to hearing you and your current boyfriend are going to be together forever.

I wonder how much the producers paid this Indian healer to tell Landon that she has a soulmate in this room.

Whitney is bringing up Kathryns sobriety to the healer, aka a woman who doesn’t even know Kathryn, which seems highly inappropriate. What wont these producers do for ratings?

Craig: As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I think what Kathryns doing is fine and she should be allowed to apologize.

Cam: Im sick of this, stay out of it!

^Says the woman whos constantly all up in everybodys business.

Honestly, this high society lady getting morally offended by the word fuck needs to fuck off. Come the fuck on, bitch, You were alive when abortions werent legal and youre gonna act like you cant stand hearing the word fuck? One more time because I’m petty: FUCK!!!!

Im truly over Cameran. Im starting the Cameran is over party. Tryna talk about We need to stay out of Thomas and Kathryns business when she stirs up everybodys business. Girl, bye. 

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/19/im-starting-the-cameran-eubanks-is-over-party/