#edwin introspection

[annawry]

Loneliness and Love

It’s a strange thing, loneliness. 

It’s a bit like love, Edwin is starting to realize. He loves Charles, he’s in love with Charles, however unrequited. He believes, now, that he can say he loves Crystal as well, although in an entirely different manner. He loved Simon enough to forgive him, and Monty enough to want to be his friend despite the disastrous kiss and hurt feelings. He thinks he loved Niko, if the aching hollow in his chest whenever he thinks of her is anything to go by. All sorts of different loves. All sorts of different ways of feeling it, of receiving it, of sharing it.

There are different ways of feeling lonely, too. The loneliness of feeling as though something was wrong with him; a feeling that kept him at arm's length from all of his peers before his death, an invisible barrier that he couldn’t risk breaching. There’s the loneliness of being with his friends now and feeling the absence of one. There’s a kind of loneliness in being a ghost as well, incorporeal and detached from the world, never quite a part of it. 

And the loneliness of being in love with your best friend. Of standing by his side and knowing that he is the most important person in the world to you, and you to him, but not like that. Of wanting to kiss him, and knowing it wouldn’t be welcome.

At least Edwin can’t say he’s never been kissed now, but he does know the loneliness of that, too. Of never having experienced such a fundamental, foundational part of being alive: being loved romantically, being chosen, being desired. 

Although he supposes he can’t quite say he doesn’t know what that’s like, either. Simon desired him enough to sacrifice him, if ineptly, to a demon. Monty would have chosen him, in defiance of Esther and his entire purpose for existing in a human form. Only Edwin hadn’t wanted any of that, and being wanted by someone he doesn’t want in return is hardly a balm for a heart that yearns to know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is in love with him.

Perhaps that’s why he can’t quite stop thinking about the Cat King. Oh, he’s not foolish enough to think the King is in love with him, or ever would be. But maybe there’s something to be said for shared desire. The Cat King has made it abundantly clear what he wants from Edwin and Edwin can admit, now, that he's more than a little bit attracted to him in return. But what the Cat King offers is carnal pleasure and it’s somewhat ironic that the only kind of reciprocal desiring and desired that Edwin currently has available to him, is the one he can’t physically feel. And he doesn’t think ‘up there’, as Charles had put it, is going to be enough. In fact, he fears it will only make it worse.

But loneliness is a strange thing, and perhaps that is why Edwin finds himself walking the streets of Port Townsend again, having slipped away from their office through a mirror. He has spied more than one cat along his walk, and thinks it won’t be long until he is found.

[kaciart]

Patreon | Ko-Fi

-

Hanahaki (story under cut)

Magic Gone Wrong

imagine being told that its not fatal because ghosts

so he can essentially live with it

but is extremely uncomfortable

Like they see a witch and theyre like 'WELL...you know the cure....' to Edwin because he's figured out what it is

Charles is like 'If theres a cure GIVE IT TO HIM????'

Edwin shakes his head spluttering a few petals

And it probably becomes Edwins daily life

its a bit of a nuisance during cases but Its not going to kill him

Charles is mega frustrated that hes just accepted it

'The cure is...not possible'

And imagine it goes on for AGES but then one day it starts to lessen

he almost doesnt notice

Edwin being so unwell caused a lot of introspection for Charles

The fear of losing him

WHY losing him is the worst thing he can imagine

im imagining on bad days he lets Charles help him with things

'Can you bring me my books?'

'Would you help me to the couch?'

Charles is an acts of service puppy

Edwin going to the witch 'Does..it ever clear up on its own?'

'Never. Why do you - OH. Oh Edwin thats wonderful!'

Edwin doesnt really believe it

[helltechnicality]

much later he will blame the pollen for the obviously jealous expression that flashes across his face. edwin shouldn't be surprised that he is not the only ghost that the cat king has had an interest in but he does also wonder if he measures up. or if he's just a fascination that will dull as time wears on. " i didn't outwardly reject it. i just didn't know how to respond and i've never done anything like that. i could barely think beyond the bracelet being put on me and the fact someone was actually showing an interest in me beyond wanting to cause me harm or wanting to be my friend. " it had not even been on edwin's radar that he was capable of expressing those emotions until that day.

over a hundred years has worn away a lot of edwin's memories of being alive. of his parents and siblings. hell left a much deeper impression and it is easier not to think of what he lost. what they said in the papers about his disappearance. but he hopes some of the boy who was cast to hell remains in the one sat existing today. " i can feel when in hell. it is part of the punishment i suspect. that the damned souls can feel everything done to them. it's been so long it is hard to remember what a soft touch feels like. i never had it much in life either. some are built to be touched as you are and some, like me, are built to not. "

" Oh, it is possible. And in my experience pretty enjoyable for them -- " A glance at nails. " Or maybe he was just really into me ... at the time. " Too bad that didn't last very long. Typical though, so he carries on with a shrug as he's unsure of that being the case or not and it's not like he wants to linger on those memories so he grins through it. " Oh I noticed. Hence my surprise when you rejected my offer. " And as much as it bruised his ego -- it was also exciting and only intrigued him further.

What cat doesn't enjoy a good chase after all?

There's a slow blink as he listens to Edwin recount what he could remember from his past life and a nods returned in understanding. " Mortal ignorance -- especially in those times. " He's seen plenty of it in his years, even experienced it with how eccentric he can be -- but those individuals were certainly taught a lesson. " I see. A shame -- " And hand reaches out to tough the side of Edwin's neck regardless with head dipped. " I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't feel anything. " A lingering glance before pulling back and standing up. " Lose my mind probably. "

[genevievefangirl]

(art by the wonderful @dreamers-and-magicians! Love you so much <3)

Twinkling Lights

By: GenevieveFangirl Rating: G Words: 1,676 Relationships: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland Tags: Alternate Universe - Pirates, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Introspection, Stars, Stargazing, Protective Charles Rowland, Pirate!Edwin, Pirate!Charles Summary: There is something comforting about the night sky. It follows you wherever you go. And yes, even though it changes based on your position, the stars as a collective are always there, even when hidden from view. When he is lost, he knows that when night comes, they will show him the way. Then, for a moment, he swears he starts floating upwards towards their magnetic glow, escaping this mortal plane and ascending into the heavens. But that feeling is as much a lie as it is a dream. For all dreams are lies we tell ourselves. Or Edwin is dealing with a lot of emotions and goes on deck to get some air and stargaze. Charles follows, and a conversation about life, moving on, and the universe ensues.

For DBDA Pirate Week 2025 Day 3 - Stars @dbdahauntevents

The second of my fics for Pirate Week! This is actually the one I wrote first and probably my favorite (don't tell the others lol). It just hits on some personal feelings for me and I love when I get to do that with my writing.

Thank you again to @dreamers-and-magicians for the lovely art!!!!!

[deadboyween]

DEADBOYWEEN PROMPTS!!

Text-version Prompt List and inspiration below the cut!

Oct 21st: Day 1 - Colours

We made sure to include a few vaguer prompts for a wider range of creative ideas!! Colours could really be anything: Niko while she's possessed by the sprites, a different character having a run-in with a similarly colourful creature, or even something that just uses colour connotations or symbolism!! Get creative!

Oct 22nd: Day 2 - Comfort

One of the non-spooky prompts for day 2. It could be the boys comforting each other after a particularly difficult case, or a character study about something they find comfort in, or even just characters having a well-deserved day off from the Horrors

Oct 23rd: Day 3 - Disguise

The obvious one here would be Charles and Edwin's human disguises, but there's so much to play with. Works could perhaps feature the group going undercover on a case, or maybe the Cat King causing mischief again with his shapeshifting

Oct 24th: Day 4 - Orbs

Okay, you just know we had to put this one in there, everyone needs more Orbwin and Chorb content in their life right? What are our favourite glowing balls of light up to now? Why are they orb-ed? Is it a willing transformation or a result of exhaustion?

Oct 25th: Day 5 - Family

Family can mean a lot of things. Blood family? Could be an introspection into Charles's family back when he was alive, or Crystal trying to reconcile with her parents, Niko's grief, Monty's relationship with Esther... Or could be found family: the group choosing one another over everyone else, forming their own bonds more important than blood. Works can encompass many different character dynamics so go crazy!

Oct 26th: Day 6 - Casefic

The group are on a case!! Works could be a retelling of one of the show cases, or maybe one from the comics, or an entirely original one. It could be a simple run-of the-mill haunting or perhaps one that runs deeper, one that affects one or more members of the agency in some way

Oct 27th: Day 7 - The Endless

In the show we meet Death and Despair, but this prompt could feature one of the Dead Boy Detectives characters meeting one or more of the Siblings. Maybe they visit the Dreaming, or have a run in with Desire

Oct 28th: Day 8 - Free Day

No prompt for this day!! Works can be anything you like, unconnected to any of the suggested themes!!

Oct 29th: Day 9 - Myths / Legends

Charles referenced Orpheus and Eurydice in episode 7 but there's so much to work with with mythology from all over the world. These works could be a retelling of a story from an ancient mythology, or imagining the characters meeting a creature from a legend

Oct 30th: Day 10 - Hell

Really getting into the Horrors of the event now. Hell is such an important part of the series, especially for Edwin. These works must simply incorporate Hell in some way. Perhaps it's set during Edwin's 73 years in Hell, or maybe another character has an experience in the place, or with one of its many creatures. Really looking forward to seeing the potential body horror with this one

Oct 31st: Day 11 - Halloween

Day 11 is the main event. For such a spooky show, there's got to be a lot of Halloween inspiration. What do ghosts even do on Halloween? Do they dress up? Party? Haunt the living? It's entirely up to you!

Nov 1st: Day 12 - Psychic

These works must involve something psychic. Whether it be Crystal and her powers, another person with similar abilities, or any other creature that really gets in the head of the characters

Nov 2nd: Day 13 - Pre-Canon

There's so much to work with before the 2023 setting of the show. Over 30 years of the Dead Boy Detective Agency, the ghosts' lives, Edwin's Hell. Even for other characters: what happened during the Cat King's first two lives? What has Esther been up to for the last several hundred years? What's the Night Nurse's job like when she hasn't got two tricky ghost detectives to deal with?

Nov 3rd: Day 14 - AU

The only rule is: put those characters somewhere else. It could be a different time period, or characters could be different in some way. What if the Alive Girls were the Dead Girls? Or Charles and Edwin were Charlie and Edith? So excited to see everyone's ideas for every prompt, but especially this one, this fandom is so creative when it comes to AUs!!

Happy creating!!

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: Shifty Full Profile

[Fire Chief Doppelgänger art by Lariatcat]

[Smoky the cat art by @tearosepedall. Shifty True Form by myself and my younger brother]

“I can assure you, my resemblance to ‘the bean can guy’ is a coincidence.” - Fire Chief Doppelgänger, lying his ass off.

Demographic

Home Dimension: Dimension-PJC311

Designation: Shifty-PJC311

Full name: Wolfgang Von Strange né Doppelgänger (Human Form), Shifty the Shapeshifter (Original Form), Smoky (Cat persona)

Nickname(s): (Fire) Chief, DG, Wolfy

Age: 30

Height: 6’2 (Human Disguise)

Weight: Approx ~300 lbs

Sex/Gender (Pronouns): As Shifty: Simultaneous Hermaphrodite / Nonbinary (They/Them/It/Its) 💛🤍💜🖤 | As Wolfgang: Male/Male (He/Him) | As Smoky: Female/Female (She/Her)

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Demisexual/Panromantic 🖤🤍💜🩶 / 🩷💛💙

Occupation: Chief of the Gravity Falls Fire Department, Ambassador of Paranormal Relations

Family: Thomas “Tad” Strange (Husband), Samuel “S” Strange (Son), Gravity Falls Fire Department (Adoptive Family), Dr. Stanford "Ford" Pines (Original Caretaker & Pseudo Father Figure)

Backstory: Here, Here, Here, and Here

Inventory

Worn:

Long sleeve V-neck shirt w/ Fire Dept Symbol (gray)

Turnout pants w/ hanging suspenders (brown w/ gray knee patches and yellow/silver reflective stripes, yellow suspenders)

Loafers (black)

Belt (black)

Wedding band (rose gold)

Weapons:

Shapeshifting

Other Equipment:

Crowbar

Halligan bar

Hatchet

Medicinal:

First Aid Kit

Misc.

Leather wallet

Family photo of himself, Tad, and Samuel

Connections

Named Friends / Allies:

Tate McGucket

Daryl Blubs 

Edwin Durland

Stan Pines

Manotaurs

The Hide Behind

Multi-Bear

Steve The Tree-Monster

Fairies

Named Enemies / Rivals:

Old Man McGucket

Celestabellebethabelle

Gremloblin

Lilliputtians

Bigfoot

Ma and Pa Duskerton

Gnomes

Preferences

Personality Traits: Clear-Headed, Principled, Guarded, Unforgiving, Serious, Irascible

Love Giving Language: Words of affirmation

Love Receiving Language: Acts of service

Likes: Quiet Introspection, Classic Cars, Nature Walks, Sunlight Patches

Dislikes: Cold, Scientists, Dogs, Untidiness

Hobbies: Cooking & Baking, Wax / Wood Carving, Mushroom Hunting, ‘Therapeutic Hunting’

Favourite Foods:

Regular drink: Pitt Cola (Cherry flavour)

Alcoholic drink: N/A (Teetotaler)

Dish: Frijoles refritos w/ tortilla chips

Snack: Western Heart's Ease

Dessert: Marionberry Pie

Trivia / Other

Wolfgang's design is almost identical to Canon Shifty's first seen shift in the show - the man from the High Flyin' Beans logo. The differences are the outfit, and he makes it younger to match his age (30). His hair is black instead of gray.

They named themself when they were young at the insistence of the fire department as they were raising them.

—They are just as bad at naming things as Ford.

—One of the firefighters happened to be a German Literature Enthusiast with their favourite author being Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

—Before they named themself, the fire department just called them "(Baby) Falls"

—Their human middle name is “Von” because they misunderstood that von/van just means of/from.

As Wolfgang, his clothing is real, seperate from his human shift. He'll hide his clothes somewhere for later when he takes other forms.

Shifty’s species seems to bear similarities to beetles, caterpillars, and butterflies / moths. 

—As a larvae, they had to sneak out at night to gorge themself on wild plants because their nutritional needs weren’t being met with human formula or food.

—They have an imaginal disc system which is what allows them to freely shapeshift

—Larvae of their species also eat toxic plants, which they cannot do as an adult without shifting their body chemistry and digestive system. This is so their larvae are too toxic to be picked off by predators or by adults of the species. 

—The type of plants they eat as larvae heavily influence their adult colouring.*

*Compared to their canon counterpart, Shifty’s true form is mainly greenish-white, and their eyes / appendage tips are purple. This is because as a larvae their favourite plant to eat was Parish’s Nightshade.

Palette for true form here.

They breathe through their skin, which is how they can breathe even when they shapeshift into objects that lack breathing anatomy. When they shapeshift into other creatures their shift would breathe the same way as an original creature of that species would, with their skin breathing being a backup.

Shifty does not drink alcohol or use other recreational substances because they do not want to risk losing control of their form.

Their cat persona, Smoky, is a Hemingway Cat (polydactyl), as a sort of nod to “The Author”. The design is also based off of "Bruno, the 'extra' cat" the only difference being that Smoky is a female cat and is missing one eye.

Regardless of their disguise, dogs are terrified of Shifty.

Shifty can change their proportions and density, but not their actual weight, when shifting. Regardless of what form they are taking, they are always around 300 lbs like their true form.

Tad thinks their son Samuel was born through an out-of-state surrogate. He was not. He was actually an egg that Shifty did not think was possible before.

[bitterdesert]

my loveline seems entwined with death

Chapter: 2/2

Length: 8k

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Charles Rowland/Edwin Payne

Characters: Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland

Tags: Angst, Past Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, First Kiss, Getting Together, really just some conversations I want them to have, Mild Smut, Feelings Realization, references to hell, Introspection

Edwin has never been one for change, but he’s been known to come around on a few matters.  Against all odds, dying so young is the first thing he’s come around on. Really, it has always been the injustice of his death more than the lost potential that’s struck a dissonant chord that rings sharp in his ears. Death, in all its bittersweet twists and turns, has filled Edwin’s lungs with more life than he ever enjoyed between his first and final breaths. 

[queereads-bracket]

Queer Adult SFF Books Bracket: Round 3

Book summaries and submitted endorsements below:

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (Wayfarers series) by Becky Chambers

Rosemary Harper doesn’t expect much when she joins the crew of the aging Wayfarer. While the patched-up ship has seen better days, it offers her a bed, a chance to explore the far-off corners of the galaxy, and most importantly, some distance from her past. An introspective young woman who learned early to keep to herself, she’s never met anyone remotely like the ship’s diverse crew, including Sissix, the exotic reptilian pilot, chatty engineers Kizzy and Jenks who keep the ship running, and Ashby, their noble captain.

Life aboard the Wayfarer is chaotic and crazy—exactly what Rosemary wants. It’s also about to get extremely dangerous when the crew is offered the job of a lifetime. Tunneling wormholes through space to a distant planet is definitely lucrative and will keep them comfortable for years. But risking her life wasn’t part of the plan. In the far reaches of deep space, the tiny Wayfarer crew will confront a host of unexpected mishaps and thrilling adventures that force them to depend on each other. To survive, Rosemary’s got to learn how to rely on this assortment of oddballs—an experience that teaches her about love and trust, and that having a family isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the universe.

Science fiction, adventure, series, adult

The Last Binding trilogy (A Marvellous Light, A Restless Truth, A Power Unbound) by Freya Marske

Endorsement from submitter #1: "A trilogy of books set in a magical Edwardian England, the Last Binding series focuses on three queer couples who come together in order to solve a conspiracy threatening all magic. It’s a masterful blending of fantasy, historical fiction, and romance, with a splash of mystery and Wodehousian romp. Expect magical manor house parties with beautiful wallpaper, as well as explorations of power, trust, and what we owe the land. The prose is absolutely gorgeous and evocative. The characters and their emotional arcs form the beating heart of the story, intertwined with beautifully crafted romance. The worldbuilding feels organic and deeply rooted within this hidden magical society. These books are thoughtful, tender, scorching, and fun all at once."

Endorsement from submitter #2: "Utterly fantastic historical fantasy. Each book focuses on a subset of a larger character set. There is an overarching high stake magical plot, as well as different queer romances explored in each individual book."

Robin Blyth has more than enough bother in his life. He’s struggling to be a good older brother, a responsible employer, and the harried baronet of a seat gutted by his late parents’ excesses. When an administrative mistake sees him named the civil service liaison to a hidden magical society, he discovers what’s been operating beneath the unextraordinary reality he’s always known.

Now Robin must contend with the beauty and danger of magic, an excruciating deadly curse, and the alarming visions of the future that come with it—not to mention Edwin Courcey, his cold and prickly counterpart in the magical bureaucracy, who clearly wishes Robin were anyone and anywhere else.

Robin’s predecessor has disappeared, and the mystery of what happened to him reveals unsettling truths about the very oldest stories they’ve been told about the land they live on and what binds it. Thrown together and facing unexpected dangers, Robin and Edwin discover a plot that threatens every magician in the British Isles—and a secret that more than one person has already died to keep.

Fantasy, historical fiction, romance, magic, Edwardian, series, adult

[asidian]

Inventory

by: Asidian

Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives

Pairing: Charles/Edwin

Warnings: past child abuse, these boys are in love but couldn't feelings introspection their way out of a wet paper bag

Excerpt:

Only now, Edwin finds, the floor is quite covered in all manner of things, and there is Charles, sat in the midst of it, backpack turned upside down as he cheerfully adds more to the clutter.

"Cheers, mate," says Charles, as an entire live pigeon falls free and sits there, blinking as though it is quite uncertain what has just occurred. "You're back a bit early."

After a beat of silence, the displaced bird gathers its senses and flaps away to perch upon Edwin's bookshelf, cooing and fluffing its feathers.

"Charles," Edwin manages. "What in heaven's name are you doing?"

[mountainsoftreatos]

COMPLETE! The last chapter of my DBDA fic The True Love's Kiss Curse is now posted! Thank you to the best beta reader @sprinkleki for cheering me on to the finish!

Read Chapter 6 here: Hoppily ever after

Summary -

The detectives discuss the case.

Charles and Edwin go on a date – Edwin just doesn’t know it yet.

Plus, a movie night epilogue!

Snippet from the fic under the cut -

As they continued their walk in the quiet of the night, Charles stole glances to watch Edwin beside him. Maybe they would think of this as their first date – if Charles could just get up the courage to tell Edwin how he was feeling.

He opened his mouth – this was it, it just had to be perfect – but nerves overtook him and he couldn’t get any words out. All the ways Charles could tell Edwin that he’d figured out his feelings were getting tangled up between his brain and his tongue.

Hey Edwin, you know that split second after I was unfrozen but before you turned into a frog where we were kissing? Yeah, that was pretty aces and I’d like to try that again. No.

Hey, remember when you said you were in love with me and I turned you down because I’m a complete knob? Well, it turns out I DO feel the same way, it just took being literally cursed for me to figure that out. Equally horrible.

So, you know that badger bloke who ran me through with a saber and tried to whack me with a fire poker, who you took out with your frog tongue like a fuckin’ boss? Yeah, so, when he was describing the way he loves his girlfriend, I couldn’t help thinking how much it sounded like the way I love you. Somehow worse.

No, this had to be proper romantic. That’s what Edwin deserved. He just had to think of the right words to say.

Walking next to Charles, Edwin thought about how he had always cherished these late-night strolls, just the two of them – their easy banter, the affection with which Charles would sometimes reach over to squeeze his arm, the way Charles’ shoulders would relax, tension leaving his body after a tough case. Laughing, smiling at Edwin just so, with his eyes crinkling at the corners. Whenever a conversation topic had run its course, they would slip into companionable silence for a stretch, before one of them would bring up something new to discuss.

But tonight, Charles seemed especially introspective beside him. And Edwin thought he might have deduced the cause – the cause being that they hadn’t yet discussed…

The Kiss.  

The fact remained that Edwin had kissed Charles. On the lips. An intimate act.

Charles was no doubt feeling awkward about it. Edwin hoped that by clearing the air, the incident wouldn’t result in any lasting strain between them.

Read the whole chapter here!

[mirellapryce]

I'm working on my Dead Boy Detectives PJO AU, and Edwin decided he was the POV character. I was not expecting him to be so chatty, but the boy is stretching my sentences into full blown paragraphs with his introspection.

[pallastrology]

FAQ: how to use astrology

artwork by frederic edwin church

disclaimer: there are, of course, many branches of astrology going back many hundreds of years, all with many uses depending on who you ask. location matters hugely too! different cultures and areas have, and do, use astrology differently. i have no experience outside of the uk so can't comment on this however. in this post, i'm talking about modern tropical astrology. as always, take what works and leave the rest <3

traditionally, astrology has been used for everything from academic research, medicine, informing politicians and farmers alike, and was considered an important science. nowadays, it has a poor reputation in some circles but is still a useful tool for lots of people, if used very differently. these days, it's mostly used on a personal level; astrologers still study carefully and make predictions about various sectors and generational changes, but the 'general user' is more likely to see astrology as some of the following:

a tool for psychoanalysis and self-development: this is how i got into astrology properly, as someone with a budding interest in psychology and a desire to improve my self-knowledge. learning about your natal chart, what the placements mean and how they interact with each other (and even with the placements of other people in your life) can be a really valuable tool for introspection and reflection, and ultimately, self-development and growth.

a tool for divination: this could be a post in and of itself, but to keep it quick, using astrology as a divination tool can be really helpful. keeping track of certain transits, like retrogrades, lunar transits, returns or just the daily movements of the planets and points around us can help us plan our time better, perform more effective rituals, be aware of when the time is (and isn't) right to make a big move, and feel more confident in our decisions.

part of a spiritual practice: this could be witchcraft, a religious or spiritual path you're on, or you just like to work with the moon. for example, you might want to incorporate elements of your placements in a spell, or perform a ritual during a certain lunar transit. you might use astrology in more of an 'old-fashioned' way in the form of an almanac, or avoid certain practices during mercury retrograde.

how i use astrology myself: i use it daily, as both a divination and a psychoanalytical tool. every month i consult my transits and jot down all the major/interesting ones in my planner, along with lunar transits as i love the moon lol. i use those transits to plan out certain activities, for example, a house clean every new moon, allowing extra travel time during mercury retrograde, carving out some time to relax and rest during certain lunar transits. i also feel i 'know what to expect' a bit, having done this (not as consistently as i'd have liked) for years, so for example i'm aware of how mercury retrograde affects me personally and can tailor my advice to myself a bit by now. i also consider astrology an integral part of my own spiritual practice, and i use it 'academically' to inform my tarot studies. never mind using it for this blog and for readings etc... it's definitely an important part of my daily life :-)

at the end of the day, whatever works for you, is what works for you. how do you use astrology day-to-day, if you aren't an astrologer? is it a big part of your life, or a bit of fun? how did you get into astrology, and was it a 'gateway' for you?

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

2024 WRITING REVIEW

thank you for the tag @ahyperactivehero !!

stress free tags: @oddessea @nix-nihili @read-write-thrive

number of stories posted to ao3: 8! Exclusively Dead Boy Detectives and I started in August, there will be more in 2025!

word counted posted for last year: 45,885 words

fandoms i wrote for: Dead Boy Detectives

pairings: mainly payneland, but also palasaki

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads:

kudos: I'll Love You Carefully - A cursed Edwin falls from the Tower Bridge and Charles rushes to his rescue

bookmarks: also I'll Love You Carefully (something about protective!Charles just hits right)

comment threads: The Road to Ruin - Edwin gets taken to Hell for the second time but Charles is in a much much worse mental state

work i’m most proud of (and why):

it must be The Road to Ruin because I am actually proud of my characterisation of Charles and it's my first attempt at a multi chapter fic, so that alone is enough for it to have a special place in my heart. I love really getting into the Hell aspect of it all and I think the introspective nature has something to it that I previously never quite managed to capture with my writing.

work i’m least proud of (and why):

probably How Could You Think, Darling, I'd Scare So Easily? - Charles gets capture by Esther and Edwin rescues him Tam Lin style. It was the second fic I ever posted but I have to say I should've worked longer on it. It's not bad but I realised that it could've been more angsty and it feels kind of rushed when I reread it now

share or describe a favorite review you received:

it was so hard to pick just one because I love every single comment and they all make me stay motivated and want to get better. But if it's just one, then probably this one:

(sorry for all the tags btw, oddessea dear, you've been such a huge part of my journey on ao3, I cannot thank you enough!)

I think this is the one comment that genuinely made me tear up because I had been struggling with the way I wanted to write this fic and reading that it apparently worked out was just absolutely bloody wonderful

a time when writing was really, really hard:

Probably the last few weeks because I have all of these ideas but also a lot of pressure (put there by myself, mind) to have them turn out perfectly. I won't get into any details, but real life hasn't been too good either for a while now, so it's hard to get into the right mindset sometimes. But it will get better

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Crystal surprised me a lot! I adore her so much and I want to do her complexity justice and while I don't think I have posted a lot of Crystal yet, I enjoyed writing my palasaki fic Bloom Like A Flower so much because it allowed me to show that while Crystal is incredibly powerful and has been through a lot, she's still a teenager

a favourite excerpt of your writing:

I think this one stuck with me:

He pressed Charles even closer to himself, as if he wanted to embrace him fully, so as to not let any of his demons reach Charles in any way. Charles moved to brace his hands against Edwin, somewhere between resting them on his shoulders and pressing them against his collarbones. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to push Edwin away in desperation or pull him closer until no one could untangle them anymore. Edwin was coming undone around him and there was nothing for Charles to do to ease his pain. It was obvious that whatever Edwin was seeing, hearing, feeling, it was paranoia and not something Charles could see. How could you help someone who saw the world burning and crashing around them while you were still standing on solid ground, mere millimeters between both of your realities? - The Case of the Turning Key

how did you grow as a writer last year:

A lot, seeing as I had never written fanfic before and had been struggling with my original works for so long that calling it "writer's block" would've been a huge understatement. So just the fact that I managed to finish 7 (!) fics is already a huge accomplishment for me. Apart from that, I got better at finding the characters' voices when changing POVs.

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.)

shoutout to a few people as well!

I obviously have to thank @im-perfectly-normal-about-this for listening to my yapping about various ideas in dms and giving me feedback on my Charles characterisation! I appreciate you so much!

Also dear @oddessea for making my day with every single comment you write!

And then of course the entire DBDA Haunt server. Joining was probably the best decision I made in 2024 and all of our discussions in the writers room are so special to me.

Thank you to: @genevievefangirl, @ahyperactivehero, @read-write-thrive, @moonikabear, @dead-but-still-sarcastic, @zmorak (I'm so sorry if I forgot anyone! Y'all are all so loved!!)

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year:

definitely, little nods to things I enjoy or have done myself. I am good at projecting my own insecurities and problems onto Charles and of course the best example would be Days by the Sea - the agency goes on vacation in Scotland. That was entirely created from my wish to someday visit Scotland

any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

have fun!! When I don't pressure myself into writing and just do it for fun, I get the best results, not because they're perfect or anything, but because I genuinely enjoy working on them and then also feel good about finishing them. Having fun is already a big step

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year?

The Road to Ruin will defintely find an ending in 2025! Apart from that, I obviously have my F1 AU that I've been yapping about. A different Modern AU and then let's see what I'll come up with next 👀 I'm looking forward to this year <3

[genevievefangirl]

Don't Leave Me - A DBDA Fanfic

Rating: G Pairing: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland Tags: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Social Anxiety, Introspection Summary: In life, Edwin often worried that everyone secretly hated him. Sure, there were the direct bullies that were not afraid to hunt him in broad daylight. But this fear was far more than that. He was thoroughly convinced that even those who had nothing to do with that particular group of boys despised him.

I wrote a short, bite sized fic! Hope you all enjoy! ❤️

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Ultimately, I’m perfectly happy to see where the show takes us and just enjoy the ride, but I’ve been thinking about it and I’m actually really conflicted on whether or not I want an Edwin and Charles romantic endgame. I might as well just write my thoughts here.

Why a romantic endgame would be nice:

They’re cute ☺️

Actual canon gay couple between two of the lead characters in an explicitly queer narrative!!! (Idk why some people think this is a common thing nowadays - it actually still isn’t…)

Bisexual Charles woooo

Maybe some people will stop assuming characters who have no stated sexuality are automatically straight.

We need at least some acknowledgement of Charles’ jealousy towards Monty and no one else. It doesn’t get discussed in s1; in fact, Charles has not yet properly confronted a lot of his more uncomfortable feelings in terms of how they impact himself and not just other people. This boy does not introspect lol

Charles’ response to Edwin’s confession is not actually a complete rejection. This is outright acknowledged by the actors in interviews. I suspect if there wasn’t going to be at least a little exploration of the idea of something romantic between them, his response would’ve been far less open-ended.

Hand on heart parallel!!!

Why a platonic endgame would be nice:

It would be nice to see acknowledgement that someone can be your most important person and that not have to be romantic. Charles loves Edwin deeply, that is not up for debate.

I almost never see relationships where one has unreciprocated feelings and the relationship grows stronger for it instead of it being a source of angst. Extremely refreshing.

No fear of dropping the ball on the Crystal and Charles dynamic developing naturally, or on Crystal’s character focus itself (though I’ll say I trust these writers not to do that anyways tbh)

Idk. I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has thoughts on the matter (so long as you’re polite about it!). I think I really do just want to wait and see how things play out with the show. Just enjoy the ride. Either outcome is lovely, really.

[justafandomfollower]

Next Five Fic Rec (#30)

Been ages since I posted one of these (hence the Febuwhump fics at spot #1), but here we go again!

New fics:

Brilliant Minds: I'm going to cheat a little on this fic rec and put a whole series, the Febuwhump 2025 series by SkyeBean / @ericka--kinney. Fabulous and wonderfully imaginative Febuwhump prompt fills!

Dead Boy Detectives: i fell hard (in your arms tonight) by montyforever. Oneshot, under 1k, G, No Archive Warnings Apply. Cute Palasaki snippet of Niko as a dragon tamer!

Dead Boy Detectives: is this the real thing (or a distraction) by junosbraindump. Oneshot, under 5k, T, No Archive Warnings Apply. Absolutely adorable, romcom fluff of gym bros Edwin and Charles getting together.

Dead Boy Detectives: Winter Bloom by skinnybritishdudes. Oneshot, over 6k, T, No Archive Warnings Apply. Another marvelous fluffy fic, wherein Edwin gets put under a love spell that clears some things up for Charles.

Dead Boy Detectives: (if I could bury all of your burdens) we'll start digging up graves by @queenbeyondthewalll / SerpaSas. Completed work, over 12k, Not Rated, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings. A lovely, bittersweet, hurt/comfort, character study, introspection of Edwin and Charles, and Edwin/Charles, post-canon.

Updated fics:

Dead Boy Detectives: I have finally read up to chapter 13 of young blood (never get chained) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites!

911: chapters 5 and 6 of build me up, break me down by @ayotofu / dumbdpaus

Stranger Things: chapter 8 of in the web that is my own, i begin again by @lavenderstobins / sapphirerays.

Re-reads:

Animorphs: continuing my Eleutherophobia re-read (by @thejakeformerlyknownasprince / SoloMoon), I have re-read part 7, Akira!