#eric coulture

[writingismyhappytime]

Dauntless: Daddy Dearest (Part 5)

Eric x OC

Warnings: Language, parenting angst

A/N: I think the panicked expressions on Eric’s face are incredibly accurate for this series lol also, if you want to be tagged in any dauntless updates, let me know! I don’t always post consecutively, sometimes there might be a few weeks in between chapters, and I don’t want anyone to miss out! Don’t forget to check the masterlist for the rest of my Dauntless, and where all parts of this series are tagged.

   I leaned over the crib, watching the infant sleeping in his blue blankets. Camille had him wrapped up like a burrito, still wearing his little blue hat, his face scrunched in his sleep. It was late, I'd just gotten in, but I'd wanted to check on him before I went to bed.

It felt... weird.

Really, my day wasn't any different --- I left early, came back late, the same time every day. Now instead of just Camille greeting me with a nasty look or a sweet kiss, there's also screaming.

So, not too different.

The baby didn't stir much, just moved his mouth occasionally, made some baby sounds. At that moment, my kid was just a screaming, pooping bundle. He's only a week old, so I guessed it would be a while before he had any personality, did anything other then lay there.

I sighed as I straightened, seeing a few strands of dark hair against his forehead, curling upwards against the hat. His hair looked black like Camille's, but I was kind of hoping he kept my blue eyes; someone had said baby's eyes change colors after they get so old, but I hoped his didn't.

Kai.

I'm a little surprised Camille so readily accepted the name, maybe she was just glad I picked something. We'd been fighting over that the last few months longer then we had anything else. I was just glad all that stress was over.

I stepped away from the crib, silently leaving the room and leaving the door only cracked. I hesitantly popped my head into the bedroom, seeing Camille was safely tucked beneath the covers, sleeping soundly. I felt bad about leaving her with the baby all day, but one of us had to be out there working.

New initiates would be coming in soon, maybe another month, and by then Kai should be old enough to go to the daycare in the Pit. I'd take him there myself every day if I had to, if it made Camille feel better about leaving him. I guessed it was a mother thing, being so attached to the thing she carried for nine months.

I shut the door, grimacing. I'd let her sleep, I'd hear the baby if he started wailing.

So far, there'd been a few congratulations for the baby, a snarky message from Melanie, and Max had clapped me awkwardly on the back before moving on. Tori had been over to see it, Camille said, and Zeke.

It's weird.

I felt like everything had shifted, that now that I had a kid, I... well, I was stupid as fuck. I shouldn't be worried about the fact having a kid would fuck up my reputation, but I was. Melanie was right, anyway, turning down leading the op was seriously going to fuck me over, and I knew she kept hoping I'd change my mind any minute now and take it, leave Camille and the baby to their own devices.

It was tempting.

I sat down on the couch, leaning forward to unlace my boots. I needed to get back out there, remind everyone that I wasn't going to take their shit, that having that kid in my life wasn't going to make me soft. It seemed stupid, even to me, but that's still how I felt. I knew Camille still wasn't feeling well, she was ill and pretty bitchy right now, but she was trapped in the apartment all day with the kid.

She needed some time off.

Hell, maybe I could send her to lead the op --- that would give her something to do and... no, I didn't want to be left alone with the baby. I'd only held it a few times, mostly when Camille begged me too because she was exhausted. It's been a week and I doubted she'd gotten eight hours of sleep yet.

The thing cried all the time!

I leaned up, running a hand along my stubbled jaw. I hadn't had time to shave in days, everything seemed so out of sorts lately. I hadn't felt the need to jump ship and run off yet, so I guessed that was a good sign.

Still, the thought of raising that kid --- I didn't want it to turn out like me. What if it turned out to be a big wimp though, defected to another faction?

Worse, what if it ended up becoming factionless? No kid of mine was gonna end up like one of those pathetic wastes of space! Hell, I didn't even want their to be factionless by the time he was old enough to choose!

Of course, he'd pick Dauntless, I'd make sure he grew up to be tough and a badass like me and his mother. We'd teach him all the tricks, show him the ropes --- he'd end up in leadership like us. He'd be the top of his class, I wouldn't accept any less!

No son of mine was going to end up a disgrace.

I'd chosen a strong name for him, now he better live up to it.

As if on cue, I heard him start to cry, at the top of his lungs just like every night.

Great.

I grimaced as I pushed to my feet, leaving my boots by the coffee table and hastily heading for the nursery. I nudged the door open, shutting it behind me so his cries wouldn't carry to Camille.

"Hey, kid," I muttered, stepping to his crib. "You hungry or somethin'?"

The baby's eyes opened for a few seconds at my voice before closing again, his face scrunching up as he let out another toothless scream. I sighed as I reached down, gingerly lifting the bundle into my arms, supporting his head like Camille showed me.

Where the fuck did she keep his milk, anyway? In the kitchen? I hoped it was already in the bottles and I could just shove it in the microwave or something.

It took me about five minutes longer then necessary to figure it out, especially with him wailing in my arms like he was dying. I ground my teeth together as I finally finagled the bottle into my hand, dripping the milk a few times on my arm to check the temperature like I'd seen Camille do.

Barely warm, that's how it's supposed to be right? I eyeballed the bottle a moment, hoped it was right, and popped the rubber thing between the kid's gums.

Almost immediately he began sucking on it, and I sighed in relief, my ears still ringing. Jeez, the kid had a set of lungs on him!

I gingerly sat back down, feeling awkward as I held the bottle up, his little arms too weak to do it yet. Feeding a baby definitely wasn't giving me any intimidation points, although at least it finally made him shut up.

I leaned my head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The kid was so small in my arms, smelling like powder and detergent, warm. I could hear him eating, and I was relieved he didn't wake Camille up --- she needed her rest.

Fuck, I needed some rest and I wasn't even taking care of him!

I rolled my neck, hearing my joints crack before looking down at my son. Seemed strange thinking that.

His eyes opened for a moment again, still that same bright blue as mine before drifting back shut. It would be a bit before he could keep them open, before he could be out of the serious straight jacket his mother kept him in. She also kept weird little socks on his hands so he wouldn't scratch himself, and I didn't see how he didn't get too warm.

I frowned, pressing the tips of my fingers against his small forehead, but he felt fine. Not too hot, just the right temperature.

Oh, and he's done.

I tugged the bottle out of his lips, seeing him smack them a little bit; he'd about drunk the whole thing, hungry kid. I shuffled, leaning him up a little, hoping I didn't need to do the whole burping thing; I was afraid I'd tap him on the back too hard, I'd break one of his little bones --- I was terrified of injuring my own kid.

I liked Camille doing all that.

When he didn't immediately begin wailing, or throw up all over me, I took it as a good sign. He'd already ruined one of my t shirts, causing Camille to just laugh at me, as if she wasn't even phased.

Probably wasn't.

"Alright, kiddo, let's get you back to bed so I can get some sleep," I muttered, his eyes scrunching as my thumb ran along his soft cheek. My hands felt gawky, too big and cumbersome when I was touching him. I knew my skin was rough, scars decorated my hands, but I hoped it didn't bother him. "Why don't you sleep for the rest of the night, give mama a break, huh?"

I shuffled, reluctantly getting to my feet again, still muttering to him as I headed for the nursery.

"You gotta grow up, be a badass like we are," I said, tugging some of his blankets around in the crib, making sure they were sort of bunched on either side of him so he couldn't roll around and smother himself. Camille had given me a full ranting rundown all of the bad things that could happen to our kid if I didn't do everything right. "Get big and tough and kick the shit out of your peers. Show them that being my kid is a major advantage."

I gently laid him back into the crib, leaning on the railing for a few minutes. I wanted to make sure he was breathing okay, that I didn't still need to burp him or something.

"I don't know if you're gonna have any brothers or sisters, so you have a lot to live up too." I mumbled, propping my chin on my hand. "You're carrying on a pretty prestigious name, you know that?

"Mama is always gonna be here for you when I can't, but I'm gonna teach you everything I can when I am around. You're gonna be the best fighter, the best soldier Dauntless has ever seen. And when I'm leading this faction, you'll never have to worry about anything."

I gazed down at him, seeing he was already asleep, blowing little spit bubbles. I refused to acknowledge I found it sort of cute, and I hastily turned away. If he was conked out, it meant I could get a shower and crawl into bed before one a.m. tonight.

Nice.

~~~~~~

"I can't believe he slept all night," Camille mumbled as she stood in front of the coffee pot, still half asleep. "That's a first."

Ahuh.

"He didn't." I muttered, leaning down to lace my boots, my fingers fumbling with the black laces. "I got him."

"You did?" Camille sent me a surprised look over her shoulder, her eyes not looking quite as tired this morning.

"Yeah. You needed some rest," I stood, stretching my arms over my head. "He only cried twice, don't worry. I fed him and figured out the diaper thing."

After four tries.

Not that I was going to tell her that.

"You didn't have to do that, you're going to be exhausted," she sighed, slowly pouring a cup of coffee before offering it to me. "I'm home all day, I can take care of him."

"I don't mind," I pressed a kiss to her temple as I took the cup. "You're exhausted. Maybe putting him in daycare a little early wouldn't be a bad idea, give you a break some days."

"No," Camille shook her head instantly, looking disgruntled. "I don't want to out him in until we have too."

"Are you still worried someone will be mean to him?" I sipped my coffee, barely noticing the harsh burn. I gazed at her, seeing the troubled look on her face.

"Yes and no." She eventually said, turning away from me to pour her own coffee into a glass cup. "I just... I dunno, I'm not ready to let someone else take care of him yet. I mean, what if they don't feed him or forget him somewhere? What if ---?"

"Camille, he's barely a week old. Don't panic yet," I hooked my finger beneath her chin, tilting her head up. "You have plenty of time to spend with him."

"Only sixteen years," she corrected me, soft lips almost pouting. "What if he chooses another faction and leaves us? What if ---?"

"Too many what ifs this morning," I shook my head at her, pressing a quick kiss against her lips before stepping away, noticing the time. "Don't worry about any of that. He'll be the toughest soldier Dauntless has ever seen, he'll be running this faction by the time he's ten."

"That's some high expectations," she looked amused.

"He's my son, he has a lot to live up too," I shrugged my shoulders. "Now I gotta go. You gonna be good?"

"More or less, I've survived worse then a screaming baby."

I chuckled, seeing her hands on her hips as I strode for the door. "I'll see you tonight."

"Alright."

~~~~~~

"Is she fucking up already?" I asked in annoyance, standing across the table from Max; he'd summoned me up here a few minutes ago, apparently something important was going down.

"Erudite is less then pleased with her progress," Max responded in displeasure, pressing his hands against the table, a map of a city drawn into its top. "Her control over the movement of the factionless and the soldiers is less then acceptable."

"So she has no idea what she's doing." I ran my hands down my face, irritated. Couldn't Melanie do one goddamn thing right? I had enough on my plate to deal with her bullshit too! "She's fucking everything up."

"Essentially. She's managed to move most of the factionless out of the warehouses we need with few casualties, but production has seemed to stop at that point. She cleared these two buildings," he motioned at the map on the table before him, showing me the areas. "But the third is still crawling with them. If they're not gone by the end of the week, we'll be behind schedule."

"Why not just blow the place sky high?"

"It would draw too much attention."

Of course it would.

I rubbed at my scruffy jaw, in serious need of a shave. Maybe tonight I'd have time, if the baby didn't start screaming and Camille start crying because her nerves were frayed. I didn't mind getting up every now and then to soothe him, but I couldn't every night and work too.

"She needs to send in some units to clear it, have them armored and with enough weapons and ammo it's not a problem," I said after a moment. "Go through all the exits but one, leave the factionless with only one escape route so they funnel out into this abandoned part of the city with the rest of them." I drew my finger along the map. "Shouldn't take more then a few hours. Even she's capable of that."

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Max grumbled, and I glanced up at him; he wasn't one to bad mouth one of his soldiers, even lightly; she must seriously be getting under his skin with her fuck ups.

"Just send the order and she'll follow."

"I don't want to send another order, I want to send someone more capable." He shook his head, and I tensed at his words.

I ---.

"Eric, you need to lead this operation before it crumbles through our fingers," he finally said out right, dark eyes on mine. "I'm sending you to replace Melanie, there is no other choice."

Eh!

"I can't ---." I started instantly, curling my fingers into fists. "Camille ---."

"Camille is safe within the compound, her and your child. I need you to stop focusing on them, and focus on your duty to Dauntless." I straightened at the insulting words; did he really think I wasn't taking this seriously? "You need to lead this op to completion, or I'm going to find someone who can follow my orders to a T."

I narrowed my eyes at the hardly veiled threat. He wanted to replace me, did he? He thought he could find some other fucker to do the dirty work and not feel bad about it?

He'd fail, and we both knew it. I was going to call his bluff, I wanted too, especially to remind him how much he needed me.

However...

This might be a good opportunity for me.

"I'll lead the operation," I said thoughtfully, Max starting to smirk. "But not outright. I'll go for a few weeks, I'll train Melanie to get her head out of her ass, and I'll come back. If I think she's going to be shit at it, I'll say so, and we'll make something work. I'm not going to leave for three months at a time, I've got too much shit to handle now."

As I spoke, Max's face steadily soured, until he looked ready to shoot me outright. He ground his teeth as he looked at me, but I merely crossed my arms.

I wasn't changing my mind.

"Three weeks is what I'm giving you." I said flatly. "That's it."

In three weeks, Kai would be a month old, old enough for daycare. I wanted to take him on his first day, and I'd walk back to the compound if I had too. I wanted to make Camille feel better about being separated from him, and me taking him is the only thing I knew to do to set precedence.

You fuck with my baby, I'll kill you.

Pretty easy to remember.

"Fine. Only, however, the factionless are gone by the end of the week." Max said after a moment, deciding not to argue with me.

I smirked. "Done."

~~~~

"Three weeks?" Camille nearly shrieked at me, and I winced as the baby immediately began to scream in her arms.

"Oh! I'm sorry, baby, Mommy's sorry," she sighed immediately, starting to bounce and rock him slightly. She glowered at me over the top of his curly black hair. "Eric!"

"It's Max's orders!" I shrugged my shoulders, watching her grit her teeth as she tries to quiet Kai. "I don't have a choice. Melanie is fucking the op up pretty bad for Erudite and it's becoming a problem. I should never have agreed to let her go." I sighed.

"But --- Eric! You're going to leave me here all by myself with this thing!" Camille gasped, looking ready to cry herself; I could hardly hear what she was saying over the kid, I was having to read her lips. It was just a constant barrage of high pitched screams.

"You're more then capable, and it's only for a few weeks." I said gently, offering my arms. Maybe if I held him she wouldn't have a mental break down on me. She handed me the baby readily, and I cradled him in my arms, running my fingers across his snarled nose. "You're alone with him all day."

"Yeah, but you always come home at night," she sat down on the sofa, running her fingers through tangled black hair. "You give me a break."

"Not all the time. Camille, you can do this. We're soldiers, we can handle anything," I said, holding Kai up against my shoulder, letting him wail into my ear; I didn't need to be able to hear anyway. "He's sleeping better now, right?"

"No." She stressed the word, dark circles still beneath her eyes. "Eric, you can't leave me here by myself. I can't do this."

I knew it was coming.

"Baby," I sighed, shuffling Kai a little against my shoulder, relieved he was finally starting to hiccup instead of scream. I stepped to Camille, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. "I have to do this, Max isn't giving me a choice. This is big for us and Erudite building trust, and Melanie is blowing all of it up. I love you." I reached forward, taking her hand and squeezing tightly. "I'll be back in three weeks to drop Kai off at daycare if I have to walk the distance myself."

Camille gazed at me with those dark eyes, and finally she nodded, frowning. "Max is the leader."

"Yeah, for the time being." I glanced down at the baby, grimacing as I saw the spit on my shirt. "I'll take control one day and it won't be like this."

Camille snorted, shaking her head. "You really think you'll get Dauntless one day?"

"I'll got you, didn't I?" I arched a brow at her. "I convinced you to fall in love with me and have my child, the hard part is already over."

She almost smiled at me.

"You're so fucking dumb." She finally muttered, but leaned forward to kiss me lightly; her kisses are basically the only affection I've had since she started ballooning outward, and I missed it. I missed the sex like crazy, I'd never gone so long without it before, and I missed her giggles, those coy looks she'd send over her shoulder at me.

The moment she'd gotten that baby bump, all of that stopped.

I was still going through withdrawals.

I wanted --- needed --- it now that I had it.

Being trapped with Mel for three weeks was going to be torture. I wouldn't be getting sweet kisses or halfway smiles, I'd get... Mel.

I wasn't looking forward to it.

Tags: @jcause.    @elaacreditava.       @riegan.   @deathbyamonster @pathybo@buried-in-books @maquet-lambb.  @jojuarez26. @ljvosscmt    @beltz2016 @magellan-88     @kenzieam    @tigpooh67   @rred87

[writingismyhappytime]

Dauntless: Daddy, Dearest

Eric x OC

Warnings: Language

A/N: CURSE YOU @pathybo

Dauntless (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, ​Part 8​, Part 9​, ​Part 10​, ​Part 11​, ​​​​​​​Part 12​​, Part 13​​, Part 14​​, ​Part 15,​ ​Part 16,   Part 17​, ​Part 18,​ ​Part 19​, Part 20, Part 21)

Dauntless: Jealous Much?

​Dauntless: Competition​

​Dauntless: Uh oh​

​Dauntless: What Are You Afraid Of? (​Part 1​, ​Part 2​)

Dauntless: Where is He!? (Part 1, Part 2)

Dauntless: Happy Birthday (Coming soon)

Dauntless: I Love You

Dauntless: Camille

​Dauntless: I Can’t Stop (​Part 1​, ​Part 2​, Part 3)

Dauntless: Caffeine, Baby?

Eric POV

“Listen here, you motherfucker,” Camille snarled, glowering at me from across the table. “So help me if you don’t pick one fucking name, I’m drawing them out of a hat!”

I grimaced, crossing my arms. We’d been arguing over this for a week now, and neither of us could agree on a single name for either gender of our child. She was only six months pregnant, the size of a watermelon, I figured we still had time.

It had come as quite a shock to everyone when she’d started showing, I’d been a little surprised at how much attention she incurred. Of course, we weren’t married, neither of us intended to be either. Camille had stated explicitly she never would be, and I wasn’t exactly pressing the issue.

At least now no one was wondering why she wasn’t patrolling or doing any physical training, that question had been answered.

Now the only trouble was --- well, doing the pre-parent bullshit.

We’d already been assigned a new apartment, and I’d been reluctant to give up my space. I’d had it since I’d entered Dauntless, and to leave it behind --- it really did feel like that part of my life was over.

Not going to lie, our new apartment was ten times better. Four bedrooms, a larger kitchen area, and the living room had a much better view of the city then my old one. I was pretty sure Max had given us one of the best ones available, but considering how much shady shit we did for him, we should have gotten his apartment.

Baby stuff littered any available space, and Camille was on a rampage suddenly trying to get everything together. I’d spent two hours yesterday trying to figure out how to assemble some strange baby bouncing... thing. I’d put it together, but I wasn’t sure how well it was going to hold.

I was a soldier, not a handyman!

“Camille, I don’t know. I don’t like any of these names.”

My girlfriend huffed in annoyance, twisting her long black hair around her finger as she looked at the table, at all the names scribbled on a piece of paper. Her hand moved habitually to her stomach --- it had seemed like she’d had a flat, toned stomach, and then all of a sudden she’d just ballooned outward overnight.

I can still remember her pitching a fit when she realized she couldn’t get into her regulation black jeans anymore, that she was going to have to wear those ugly maternity clothes. She wasn’t excited about being pregnant, and after this, I doubted we’d ever have any condom-free sex again.

Not that I’d blame her, she was the one having to carry my devil spawn anyhow. I would be the leader of Dauntless one day, and she would be the one who had to stay back and make sure our child didn’t blow something up. Sure, we could stick it in daycare, there was one in the pit open while we worked, but Camille hadn’t seemed thrilled at the idea.

It wasn’t like anyone would hurt or bully our child --- everyone was scared shitless of us and rightly so. I would break someone’s fingers if they tried to touch that baby.

Maybe their wrist, too.

“Well, we have to pick something!” she muttered, crossing her arms. “We can’t just call it ‘It’ for the rest of it’s existence.”

“We don’t even know what it is, what does it matter?”

“Well, I want to be surprised!”

“Why can’t I just know what it is and you remain in surprise?”

“Because you’ll fucking slip up and give it away!”

I rolled my eyes.

So dramatic!

“It would be easier to pick a name if we knew the gender!”

“Well, we fucking don’t, so drop it!”

“You drop it! You’re the one who wants to have a name already!”

“I just want to be prepared, Eric! Something that wouldn’t hurt you to be!”

“ME!? You ---.”

“I’ve already made sure we have most of the things we need for when it’s born! All you do is run off to Max when I need you here doing shit!”

“I fucking put that death trap thing together yesterday!”

“After I ragged you for three weeks!”

“What the fuck does it even need that thing!? It’s not going to be walking for years!”

“No, Eric, some of them start moving quickly! Do you want our child to be in danger in our own home!?”

“No, I want it to be fucking tough! And putting it in that pansy bouncy fucking bubble isn’t going ----.”

“It’s a baby! It’s not going to be tough,, it’s going to be hurt! How fucking stupid are you!?”

“You’re the one who fucking got pregnant and started all this bullshit!”

“Oh, so now this is my fault? It takes two to fuck, you asshole!”

“Hey, I never wanted you to get knocked up!”

“Well you didn’t try very hard to prevent it! ‘Oh, don’t worry about a condom, I won’t cum inside’,” she mimicked me, her black-ringed eyes spitting fire at me; this was becoming an every day thing, the screaming, the bickering, the incredibly creative insults at my manhood.

She was getting good at this.

I scowled at her. “I didn’t hear you complaining!”

“Oh, fuck you, Eric!”

“That’s what got us into this mess!”

I dodged as she threw the notebook at me,  hearing something crash and fall to the ground behind me. I cursed, turning my head to see the fallen lamp.

“Goddammit! Now where am I going to get another fucking lamp?” I snarled, turning to glower at her. “I’m the one who’s going to have to clean that up!”

“Like it’s going to hurt you to do something around here!:” She hissed just as viciously; Camille never backed down from a fight, especially not one from me. She was the only person who never put up with my shit, and I had more respect and admiration for her then I did Max or anyone else in Dauntless.

She suddenly stiffened, her hand falling to her stomach.

“What is it?” I demanded, suddenly nervous. She just had this look --- was she okay? The baby spawn?

“It’s moving!” she gasped, blinking in surprise. “Eric! Come feel!”

It was moving?

I hesitated, but she motioned quickly at me. I reluctantly stepped around the table, letting her grab my hand and press it against her baby swell. I waited a moment, but I didn’t feel anything.

“Camille ---.”

“Shut the fuck up and hold still!”

Our baby was coming out of her knowing every curse word imaginable, I just knew it.

I gave it a few more minutes, and then I felt it, the smallest shift beneath her skin before a harsh pressure against my hand.

“Ow! Shit, it can kick,” Camille grimaced, not looking pleased. “He’s already like you.”

“He?”

“You know what I mean!”

I chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her temple. I loved her, and I loved fighting and arguing with her. Even when she was a raging bitch that I wanted to throw into a flaming pit of factionless, and even when she threw tantrums and broke shit, and even when she insulted and belittled me --- there was no one else I’d rather be with.

I wasn’t an easy person to get along with, Camille was basically all I had, and the type of friends I’d made weren’t exactly ones you’d want to meet your family. I was a soldier, I did for Dauntless what a normal person couldn’t stomach. I’d been doing the dirty work for years now, I didn’t have the same type of conscience most people did, I didn’t feel remorse like they did.

Camille was like me in more ways then she would admit, but her moral compass still steered her actions.

Mine was broken.

“The doctor says he’s really active, which is a good sign,” she commented after a moment, leaning into me. “He looks healthy and stuff.”

“Well, I’m glad.” I tightened my hold around her, pulling her into my side. I was viciously protective of her right now, I didn’t even like her going places without me. I think I’d threatened the life of every new initiate who even looked at her wrong, or questioned who she was.

No one else spoke to me like Camille did, I’d break them in half, and they knew it. She was the only one who’d ever gotten away with it, and I wasn’t even sure why I’d let her. I hadn’t always felt this way about her, it had been a gradual thing.

First, we’d been rivals, us both going through training to become Dauntless. She was Dauntless born, I was a transfer from Erudite. She’d been my equal in everything, even in leadership, and she had clawed her way to her rank all on her own. She’d had a rough life, her parents had died and left her and her brother alone, her brother had then tried to kill her and left --- she had trust issues. She had a shit ton of baggage.

I’d dealt with all of it, I’d even moved her into my apartment when we’d only been fucking for a few months. We’d been together over a year before she got pregnant, but, well, we hadn’t exactly been cautious.

At least no one could say we got together because I knocked her up.

She was right, it took two, after all.

“When is your next appointment?” I asked, leaning against the table.

“In a few weeks. Why, do you want to come?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not coming just so you can badger the doctor into telling you what it is!” she crossed her arms indignantly. “Don’t you think I haven’t forgotten how you almost missed the first fucking appointment!”

“Key word, ‘almost.’ I fucking made it.”

“By the skin of your balls!”

Yeesh.

I rolled my eyes. “I can see the next three months are just going to be a breeze.”

“Well, daddy dearest, if you think my screaming is bad, wait until this thing is born and you get absolutely no sleep because you’re tending to it.”

“What? Me?”

“Yes, you. If I have to carry it for nine months, you can freaking go change its diapers in the middle of the month!”

“But ---.”

“No buts!” she scowled at me. “Now, pick a fucking name!”

Oh for fuck’s sake!

Tags: @jcause.    @elaacreditava.       @riegan.   @deathbyamonster @pathybo@buried-in-books  @maquet-lambb.  @jojuarez26. @ljvosscmt