#erwin... has long given up on trying to Get these two

[this-is-krikkit]

erwin: would you slap your best friend for a thousand dollars?

levi, scoffing: i would slap hange for free

hange, tearing up: i’m your best friend??

[bumblebeeonthistle]

Sparring with Levi

Excerpt from my Levi X Reader fic:

Tags: Levi/Reader, slow burn, private training, canon-verse

Summary: On orders from Erwin Smith, you have received private training lessons with Levi since you started as a cadet. You haven't told anyone yet, though. That quickly changes, however, when Levi asks you to spar with him in front of all the other military recruits.

The Instructor’s eyes scan over the cadets before finally landing on…

“You!” the Shadis yells, striding towards you.

You have to restrain the urge to snort “me?” in return. Instead, you just salute with a “Sir?”

“You would do well to remember that I’ll be grading you on your actual performances and not what I believe you are capable of. I’ve been trying to get you to get your ass moving these past two years, but I’m no longer putting up with your bullshit. Unless all those private lessons with Captain Levi have been a fucking waste of time, I expect you to up your game in the future instead of holding back like a scared damsel in distress!” he bellows, his face so close to yours that you can feel small droplets of spit land on your face.

Meanwhile, the forest has gone silent. Or maybe, it’s just the ringing in your ears drowning out every other noise.

Oh no.

Oh hell no, Shadis didn’t just say that in front of the whole Cadet Corps. And the representatives from both the Scouts, the Garrison, and the Military Police.

You feel the eyes of every person present staring at you as you struggle to keep your face neutral. Your hands, which are currently curled into fists and placed above your heart and behind your back, are shaking ever so slightly with pent-up fury.

At one point, you can’t help but glance over to where you know Levi is standing. He isn’t looking at you, but at Shadis, as if he could burn the Instructor down with his gaze alone. You’re surprised the Instructor has the guts to blatantly ignore him.

If Levi had been looking at you like that…you shudder mentally.

“So, brat,” Instructor Shadis continues, eyes narrowing as he stares you down, “I suggest that you prove to me right now that you haven’t been half-assing your training, otherwise, you’re not fit to be in the military!”

The silence that follows next is so heavy you could choke on it.

You feel your anger turn to dread – because of all the threats, all the insults, all the whispers and rumours that you’ve had to endure ever since enlisting as a cadet – none of it has really affected you like this specific threat does. The threat of being thrown out of training.

The threat of being thrown out, while Eren stays and eventually joins the Survey Corps where he’ll have to venture outside the Walls.

Without you.

It’s unfair, you think. Yes, you hadn’t given it your all today but you’d still placed first – with the most kills and the best technique and the fastest completion of the course out of all two hundred plus cadets.

What more could Shadis ask for?

You’re just about to ask when someone clears their throat. That someone being Levi as he steps up and speaks.

“She’ll prove to you that she hasn’t been half-assing her training, Shadis.”

The Instructor raises his brows.

“And how will she do that?”

Levi stares up at the Chief Instructor, his former Commander, with an almost unreadable expression. It’s only the small glint in his eyes, the almost imperceptible tilt to his lips that tell you that he’s up to something. But you doubt anyone else has noticed.

“By fighting me.”

By fighting me.

Levi’s words echo over the training grounds as he pauses, waiting for Shadis’ reaction.

“Next thing on the program is sparring, right?” he asks rhetorically when Shadis still doesn’t say anything. “So, we’ll start off with a demonstration. Me against her.”

Another long pause.

And then, after eyeing Levi coldly for what feels like multiple minutes, Shadis lets out a snort.

“Alright, it’s settled then – although, you better not go easy on her.”

Levi’s lips curl into a small smirk.

“I never do.”

And that is how you now find yourself standing before Levi in the middle of the training grounds, surrounded by cadets, instructors, and representatives alike. You feel cold-sweat coating your palms – not because of the prospect of fighting Levi as you’ve done that on multiple occasions before, but because of the masses of spectators. It doesn’t help that you can hear the muttering among your peers – some sound excited, some dubious, and some are even placing bets on how long you’ll last against Humanity’s Strongest.

The only thing grounding you right now is Levi’s gaze, his grey eyes never wavering from your own.

“Ignore them,” he mumbles to you for the second time today. “Just focus on me, like you always do when we spar. I know you can do this.”

You don’t know what it is, but quiet encouragement grounds you. Everything else fades into the background – visual details, sounds, smells – and all you focus on is him. The ways his grey eyes bore into yours, as if they’re trying to look into your very soul. The ways his chest rises and falls calmly, the way his pulse flutters at his throat. The sound of air entering and leaving his lungs, the beating of his heart. The smell of tea leaves and fresh laundry and that earthy scent you’ve come to associate with him.

You straighten your spine and roll your joints, your mind wandering into that calm space it always does just before a fight.

“On the count of three!” Instructor Shadis bellows.

“One!”

“Two!”

“…three!”

You don’t hesitate, but jump, trying to land a roundhouse kick to Levi’s face, so fast that the spectators have a hard time following your movements.

But because it’s Levi, he doesn’t have any problems matching your speed.

He reaches out to grab your ankle and fling you to the ground, but you’ve already anticipated that. So instead, you twirl in the air and aim to kick him in the back instead. Levi swivels around to block you and, while you’re out of balance, goes for throwing you to the ground again. You manage to twist out of his grasp, and while he is slightly off centre, you bring down your elbows to break his spine – a very risky move had this been normal practice with one of your fellow cadets, but you know Levi won’t let you hurt him. And besides, Instructor Shadis had told you to prove yourself, so you might as well give it your all.

And, as you had expected, Levi effortlessly dodges your move before going on the offensive again.

It’s Levi who gets the first hit in – of course it is, you’ve only managed to land one single hit on him the entire time you’ve been training together, after all. He also gets the second, the third, the fourth, and the sixth hit in.

But he still hasn’t managed to incapacitate you.

Maybe, it’s because you know the stakes are so high this time, or maybe, it’s because you know hundreds of people are watching you, but you’ve never lasted this long in a sparring round with Levi before. And you can tell that it isn’t just because he’s going easy on you – you can see beads of sweat forming on his forehead and the slight crease between his eyebrows telling you that he’s concentrating.

And then, your chance at victory arises. Some loose gravel makes Levi lose his footing for a split second. And in that split second, you move. It is as if time slows down as you jump, landing a kick right to his solar plexus.

Someone whoops in the background – probably Hange, if you had to guess.

Levi grunts and hunches over in pain, but that doesn’t stop him from grabbing your leg and throwing you to the ground – for real, this time. The two of you roll around on the ground, first with him on top, then with you, then him again.

You know it’s the end for you when Levi finally manages to catch you in a headlock – the same one you’d used on Reiner and taught to Sasha and Connie.

Your back is pressed against the hard planes of his chest, one of his arms wrapped around your throat. Fingers, which are normally cool, but now hot to the touch, press against your pulse point. Not hard enough to hurt, but still firm. Almost demanding.

His hair tickles your ear as he leans forward to whisper in it.

“Do you forfeit?”

You sigh, ignoring the way your heart skips a beat at the sound of his voice, hoarse and a little throaty.

“I forfeit,” you mumble.

After a moment, Levi lets go of you. He gets to his feet before offering you his hand. You take it, letting him pull you off the ground.

It’s first now, when the fight is over, that you truly feel how exhausted and battered-up you are. Using the last of your resolve, you salute and wait for Instructor Shadis to pass his judgement.

To your surprise, the faintest ghost of a smile plays around Shadis’ lips as he gives you a single nod of approval.

“That’s all I wanted to see,” he says, and you can almost hear the smugness dripping from his voice.

And you realise that he’d never intended to throw you out of training. He’d just been goading you. Riling you up. Forcing you – and Levi, who has been covering for you so far – to show your true colours. To show what you’re capable of.

That…that scumbag.

And to think you’d been worried.

You can’t believe you fell for that.

Anger simmers just beneath your skin as you glare at the Instructor.

“Ehem.”

You, Levi, Shadis, and the rest of the spectators turn towards the MP representative who’d let out the sound. His beady eyes are darting back and forth between you and Levi, an overbearing smile plastered on his face.

“How do we know that Levi here didn’t just go easy on the girl?” he challenges, now fixing his gaze on Levi. “It’s clear that they have a relationship that goes beyond what is appropriate for a teacher and his…protégé.”

Your anger flares, this time directed at the MP. Your fingers twitch as you feel the urge to break his nose well up inside you.

Any idiot could see that Levi didn’t go easy on you.

But before you can tell the MP lizard to shut his big fat mouth, someone beats you to the punch.

“That’s Captain Levi to you, my dear MP fellow!” Hange tuts as they stride over to where the MP is standing, slinging an arm over his shoulder jovially. “You’re welcome to fight the girl yourself if you suspect foul play here.” The MP visibly pales at this suggestion. “Or,” Hange continues innocently, “you could also just file a complaint to Commander Erwin Smith himself about how you think his best soldier, Humanity’s Strongest, is neglecting his duties in training new recruits?”

The MP mumbles something unintelligible.

“That’s what I thought,” Hange muses before finally letting the MP go.

Your anger dies down. He isn’t worth it anyways, you think as you send one last look of disdain in the direction of the MP.

Then, you turn your attention to Levi.

“Damn. Didn’t know Hange could be that scary,” you mumble under your breath.

“That’s because you haven’t seen them in their lab,” Levi answers, quietly enough for only you to hear.

“And with that out of the way,” Instructor Shadis continues, as if you haven’t just gotten your ass handed by Humanity’s Strongest in front of the entire Cadet Corps, “Pair up and start training!”

You groan.

Does the Instructor really expect you to spar again, after what he just put you through?

Read the rest on ao3: call my name || Levi X Reader

[shikiii-skadi]

Hey can do yandere levi ackerman and hang Zoe and Erwin please

INCLUDES: levi ackermann, erwin smith, hanji zoe WARNINGS: Yandere content, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, abuse, possessiveness, obsessiveness, stalking, clinginess, delusion, paranoia, overprotectiveness, mentions of kidnapping, death, manipulation, gas-lighting, murder, suicide, cannibalism, mutilation NAVIGATION: Attack on Titan Masterlist | part 1 (eren, mikasa, christa, armin)

Levi Ackermann:

Typ of Yandere:

Overprotective: More than anything, he wants you to survive. More than anyone, he knows how brutal the world is out there. Man-eating titans or people who are as disgusting as animals, he has seen it all. And Levi also knows how weak you are in comparison. You could never get through this, not without him protecting you. That is why he has made it his mission to prevent you from being on the list of the dead as well. And he will do it as long as he is able to.

Rude: The biggest tsundere-yandere out there. He still calls you an idiot and is not above criticizing you harshly for doing something stupid in his eyes. Honestly, sometimes you really wonder if it's true when he says he loves you. But given the fact that he is a yandere, that is a question you ask yourself only briefly lol.

Dependence: Honestly, this man is just miserable. he lost everything so many times that he stopped counting. Is it an excuse for the way he treats you? No. But you can understand why. He clings to the little bit of luck he still has in his life. You are like the air he needs to breathe. Without you, he'd be like a fish trapped on dry land.

How and when started the obsession:

It takes a long time for Levi to let you get close to him, but once that hurdle is crossed, it doesn't take long for him to snap given the world you both live in.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

To a certain degree, yes. But he would consider it natural that he wants to protect you with every fiber of his being.

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: Levi is definitely capable of killing someone without much difficulty. And when it comes to your safety and well-being, he wouldn't hesitate for a second. However, Levi would not kill any potential rivals.

Hurting you: No, Levi would never hurt you physically. However, his blunt words are another story.

Blackmail: If something were to arise, then yes, but Levi wouldn't go out of his way to dig things up. But he would definitely use his position to make sure you are in his squad or don't participate in certain missions.

Kidnapping: It wouldn't be his first choice to kidnap you, because generally, Levi wants you to be happy and do the things you like (as long as you don't put yourself in danger that is). But if you two reach a point where Levi feels that you simply can't learn from your mistakes and continue to act recklessly over and over again, then he will see no other option than to physically restrain you. So that you are no longer a danger to yourself.

Final stage: Honestly the person who is responsible for your death, should just kill themselves before Levi has the chance to get them himself. He will not let them get away. It could take years and Levi would still be as adamant to make the person, who killed you suffer. He would never forget and in the end, he would get to them, no matter where they might try to flee to. The world is too small to hide from Levi Ackermann.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

As mentioned earlier, Levi is just miserable. He is so out of touch with his feelings that he would probably never confess his feelings to you on his own and you would have to make the first move. Which is why a scenario of rejection is unlikely. If you were to correctly interpret his behavior and tell him that you don't love him, it would hurt him a lot inside, but he wouldn't do anything to you. He wouldn't kidnap you or pressure you into a relationship. Levi doesn't have a high opinion of himself in that regard and probably doesn't think he's worthy of your companionship anyway. He would still stay by your side and protect you, but he doesn't expect anything in return. Knowing that you're safe is good enough for him.

Levi is probably one of the better Yanderes to have. Apart from his overprotectiveness he is pretty reasonable and will actually listen to you if you have complaints.

Erwin Smith:

Typ of Yandere:

Manipulative: This man has a way with words. He could bring someone to jump willingly off a cliff if he wanted to. The key word here is "if he wanted to". I have a hard time imagining that he would ever manipulate you. He is too controlled and aware of himself for that.

Stalker: Because of his position as the Commander of the Survey Corps, he doesn't have a lot of time to stalk you. But it is his favorite free time activity. Just watching you do your daily tasks fills him with more joy than you could ever imagine.

Disappearance: Every day anew he sends soldiers to their death. He is convinced that he does not deserve you and that you will be better off with someone else. Which is why he will eventually leave you. It is even more likely that he has never approached at all.

How and when started the obsession:

Erwin feels lonely deep down. And sometimes he finds himself wishing he had someone by his side. But because of his opinion of himself, he never brought himself to change your relationship as comrades into something deeper. It was only a matter of time before all these suppressed emotions grew into something unhealthy.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

Yes and no. He was already conflicted enough with his normal feelings, so he didn't notice the change in the beginning.

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: No, never. It would never even cross his mind.

Hurting you: He would never do that either.

Blackmail: Even if he doesn't like to admit it, there have been situations where he has taken advantage of his position and made sure that this one person, who obviously was interested in you, suddenly stays miles away from you.

Kidnapping: If he wanted, he would be able to make you disappear without anyone finding even a trace of you ever again. But before it would ever come to that, he would have already distanced himself from you.

Final stage: Not even a single hair on your head would be harmed during the whole time of his obsession. Even in the end, he would never think of killing you. Maybe he thought about ending his own life in desperate hours, but he never went through with it. After all, he still had a dream.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

Honestly, you probably never really noticed his intense feelings. The worst thing that can happen to you with him is that someone from your circle of acquaintances suddenly turns away from you for reasons unknown to you.

Hanji Zoe:

Typ of Yandere:

Manipulative: Hanji is a master of gaslighting and other manipulative tactics, due to their high intelligence. As soon as you have the slightest idea about their real intentions, they immediately make you doubt yourself. They twist stories, deny things, and immediately accuse you of those actions yourself. Hanji can predict your every move. They are always one step ahead of you. Not in a million years could you ever outsmart them. It's a game for them, honestly.

Bizarre-Seeking: Of course, someone like Hanji, who is already considered strange by many for her nature anyway, must have strange preferences. When it comes to things like strands of hair, you might be able to overlook it, but she definitely collects gross things too, like your fingernails or blood. Hanji has a whole shrine filled with your things. It is their most precious possession, next to you, of course.

Restraints: The amount of time you spend with Hanji is never enough for them. It was only a matter of time before Hanji decided that the best thing for you would be to never leave their side again. Preferably, they tie you directly to them, but if that's not possible, then a chair or the like is fine for a short time.

How and when started the obsession:

I mean, Hanji has always been a little…. strange. You probably never know them any other way. But their obsession with you started when you listened to them talk for hours about Titan experiments.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

No, they don't. Hanji thinks it's completely normal to feel this way about their significant other. They don't even think it's weird that they collect your fingernails and such. If you judge them for it, then they rather think that you are the weird one. After all, why should Hanji waste such precious things or not pay any attention to them at all?

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: Hanji would definitely kill people who stand in their way. And God have mercy on anyone they chose to kill. Hanji shows no mercy and no one will ever see the mutilated remains of their victims again. Unless they choose for their own amusement to send the victim's relatives the head.

Hurting you: Should you repeatedly try to leave their side, then Hanji is not above breaking your ankles, or legs, should she see it as more fitting. Just because you've won their love and affection doesn't mean you're saved from their more violent traits. In fact, it is quite the opposite - it just makes you more interesting. There are times when Hanji tortures you or acts out their strange tendencies and cuts off your fingers to add them to their shrine. If you cry the whole time and mess up your beautiful eyes with tears, then it's better if Hanji cuts them out for you to preserve their beauty, right?

Blackmail: In case of minor incidents or at the beginning of your relationship, Hanji usually manipulated you, not infrequently with blackmail. In the later stage, however, they rather choose physical violence. So they usually only blackmail you for fun.

Kidnapping: Hanji will definitely kidnap you and bind you to them forever. There is no other outcome.

Final stage: Hanji can accidentally kill you if she tries to cut anything off of you to be able to keep it. But if you keep rejecting them or even start hating them, they will see no other way than to kill you. Now she can shape you the way she wants. Your body will remain with her forever, as the most beautiful part of her shrine. Should you die due to natural causes, then she will eat your dead body so that you can finally be one again.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

Hanji is definitely the worst and most dangerous yandere of them all. Every one of your friends and family members runs the risk of being brutally murdered by them. And even you are not spared. The possibility that you die as her darling is incredibly high. And should you not be dead, then you are highly mutilated and disfigured. With them you always walk on eggshells, afraid of what they might do. In addition, you never have a free minute from them, because they always have you near them, if not directly tied to them.

[m-jelly]

A request for mafia Erwin, if I may

During a snowstorm , Erwin has a hard time getting in contact with reader, not knowing if they are at home or still at work. He panics , thinking that they may have been a car accident , and home uses all of his resources to find his lover and bring her home

I need her home

Erwin x fem reader

Where were you? You were supposed to be home but weren't answering your phone. He'd checked the tracking and the phone was placed at home, but you usually answered him when he called. If you were in the shower or bath, you would have at least tried by now after seeing the missed calls.

Erwin had been in meetings all day and had dealt with 'punishments' of 'people of interest' that had caused him issues. After coming up for air, he'd gotten a signal to see the weather warnings flooding in. He had raced upstairs to see the snowstorm had already hit the city.

Surely you'd gone to work and possibly got stuck coming home. Time and time again he'd tried to get you to quit your job and let him take care of you, but you enjoyed your job and wanted to stay on just a bit longer. He cursed himself for not trying harder to get you to stay home.

Erwin remembered your sweet smile this morning when he'd given you a little kiss before covering your face with kisses to say good morning. He had left you all warm and cosy to sleep for two more hours before you had to go to work.

He felt like he'd failed you. It was his job to protect you and now you could possibly be in danger. Anything could have happened to you. All he could think about was you being in an accident and bleeding out, or that your car had gotten stuck and you were snowed in. The thought of you freezing to death crushed his heart.

He couldn't lose you, you were not allowed to leave him, you were his. Erwin got to work reaching out to every single member of staff possible. He asked for people to search where you worked for you. Another team was hunting down emergency services reports for any accidents. Not only was Erwin panicking, but his whole gang was because they all adored you.

Erwin was going to go home and see if you were there. The only lead he had was your phone tracker saying you were. He wrapped up tightly in his thick long coat and yanked on his leather gloves and scarf before pausing a moment because the gloves and scarf were gifts from you. He shook his head in an attempt to get rid of his bad thoughts and made the journey home.

It wasn't too far to get to the penthouse but the snow was thick and the wind unforgiving. Erwin winced as he walked through the snow and prayed to anything that you were safe. When he reached the apartment tower he had to throw his massive body against the door just to get it open.

Security hurried to greet him in a slight panic because this was Erwin Smith, but Erwin didn't care for pleasantries. He wafted his hand at the guard and made his way to the lift. He scanned his card, called out an apology to the man and explained he needed to check on you. The doors closed before the security guard could reply.

Erwin checked his phone and read all the updates from his teams, not a single positive that you'd been located. When the doors finally opened he sprinted down the hall, fumbling with the key to let him in before falling inside the penthouse as his heart raced. He'd faced so many horrors in this world, he'd even been shot and stabbed but nothing hurt as much as thinking he'd lost you.

As soon as he shoved the bedroom door open he saw you curled up in bed sleeping away. He barked your name so loudly that you sat up quickly and screamed in shock. You looked incredibly beautiful to him with your messy bed hair, his shirt falling down your shoulder and your chest almost on show.

You placed your hand on your chest. "Erwin, you scared the shit out of me. What the hell? This a prank?" You giggled you you started relaxing. "It's cute." You gasped when he tackled you into a tight hug. "Erwin?"

He released a long sigh. "I thought...I..." He released a long sigh. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Okay? Of course, I'm okay."

He pulled back and kissed you a few times. "I uh, have to make a few calls."

You rubbed your eyes clear of sleep. "Sure. I'll make some coffee."

Erwin watched you shuffle around in his shirt while you made coffee and snacks. He texted and called all his units and called off the hunt, he'd told them all you were safe. After ending a call he slipped up behind you, wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you tightly.

You hummed in happiness as Erwin began biting and sucking your neck. "Are you okay? You seemed very panicked, plus you're still in your winter things and they're damp."

Erwin released you. "Sorry, I'll get these off."

You placed the coffee cups on the side and moved some biscuits closer. "So?"

He returned to you now in just a shirt and tight trousers, his blazer draped over his arm. "There's a horrific snowstorm outside, my darling, I thought you'd gotten caught in it."

You took his blazer from him and called out to him as you took it to the washroom. "Work contacted me and said we're closed for the day! I decided to catch up on sleep!" You returned to him and smiled. "I know I could work from home, but I deserve some time off. I guess I slept for a very long time, huh?" You reached over and held his hand. "Sorry, I worried you. Did you come right home when you realised there was a snowstorm."

"Umm."

You stared at him. "Erwin, did you cause a mass panic in the gang?"

He pressed your hand against his cheek and nuzzled. "Mm, possibly, but it's all sorted now." He gazed at you with his beautiful ocean-blue eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Erwin pulled you against him and kissed you. "I guess we get to spend a few days together until the snow is gone."

You grinned at him. "Can't wait!"

@mari-zs @ladycheesington

[ghoularaki]

baby's breath | 4

↠  summary: Merely by coincidence, Erwin, your father's former friend had crossed paths with you again after nearly a decade. He offered solace once finding out you were struggling with not just school, but your home life as well. His home he shared with another one of your father's friends, Levi, became a sanctuary. Though, the more you came over for study sessions, the more they wiggled themselves into your private life. And like baby's breath, they weeded themselves in so deep you couldn't uproot them.

↠ word count: 3,068

↠ pairing: levi ackerman x reader x erwin smith

↠ genre/warnings: angst, smut, modern au, DARK CONTENT, yandere, noncon/dubcon, daddy kink, forced infantilism, pet play, age gap, death threats, human trafficking, bdsm

The twinkling fairy lights were your only source of illumination in the otherwise dark room. After Erwin shut off the lights and left you to your own devices, you sat in the silence for who knows how long. Anxiety had your muscles twitching, antsy to do anything.

Blowing air out your nose, saliva dripped down the corners of your mouth from the gag. You didn’t care if it added more to whatever pain Levi promised, you reached behind you and fiddled with the belt. Your fingers caught on the tongue and pushed it forward until the gag loosened. Clutching onto the leather you ripped it away from your mouth. Stretching your jaw side to side, you tried to alleviate the soreness. Wiping the spit from your lips, you surveyed the crate.

Both men weren’t stupid and the crate was given a different lock so you couldn’t easily slide it open. Even then, only your fingers could make it through the wiring. Forgoing the order the stuffed animals were arranged in, you rifled through them to find something, anything, to pick the lock with. Your attempts were futile.

Desperation crawled at your throat. Twisting your body so you were leaning on your forearms, you used your heel to kick at the door. The door rattled, but besides that, did not budge. Erwin was sure to hear the noise, but chose to ignore you. It could have been hours since Levi left and Erwin quite literally kept you in the dark, so the need to escape grew. Levi’s threat still rang in your ears.

You weren’t going to go with your belly up.

Frustrated, you used both feet to kick the door. Grunts left your throat from the strain. You were quickly becoming exhausted. The toxin hadn’t completely left you and it has been days since you ate something. Your energy was depleting.

Tears pricked your eyes again. Anger at yourself consumed you as you screamed and kicked the door one last time. Fragile flesh was nothing against metal. Bruises started to form at the bottom of your feet. The room was quiet besides your stuttered breathing.

Giving up on escaping the crate, you looked around the rest of the room. A soft, yellowish glow spread through the space. Shadows that crept from the corners offered you little insight to what all the room had to offer. Squinting, you tried to make out if there were any vents you could possibly climb through. You found nothing.

There were the windows, but who knows if they could even unlock and the strength of the glass. If all the windows were bulletproof, you were screwed. The crate was placed too far from the window for you to even try to get to the locks.

Sitting on your knees, you look up at the canopy placed above the cage. The pink netted cloth was attached to the ceiling by a screwed in hook.

Bingo.

Just as you were about the slip your finger back through the wiring to tug on the canopy, you heard the front door open and slam shut followed by two hushed voices. Levi’s back home.

That anxiety came back tenfold. You were basically served to Levi on a silver platter. A part of you wanted to go back to your plan with the canopy, but time was limited and you rather not be caught trying to escape. Who knows what Levi was going to do right now, let alone with an escape attempt on top of it.

So you laid in wait. Waiting for the man to burst through the frame and get his revenge. God did you wish there was a clock in the room. The anticipation was getting to you and maybe that is exactly what he wanted. For you to torture yourself with hypotheticals.

You knew both men were still inside the house, their footsteps giving it away. From what you assumed, they were sticking to the kitchen, possibly making dinner. At the thought, your stomach rumbled.

As if he heard you, Erwin came into the room and flicked on the lights. Your pupils constricted. His form permeated through the space and suffocated you. Forced into a small cage only furthered his large stature. He walked further in. His face became more apparent the closer he got and that expression of disappointment was long gone.

Cold. The best word to describe Erwin would be cold. Not in the literal sense, but all the warmth had been drained from him like coffee left out for too long. You could still drink it, but any pleasantness evaporated. A blank slate stuck on his face.

His socked feet thundered towards you. No matter how much he tried, Erwin was not a man who could soften his steps. But he didn’t care: you weren’t a frail, feral animal to him. More likened to a misbehaving child.

Crouching down at the crate door, he still had a height advantage. The glare didn’t leave your face. Erwin wasn’t swayed.

“I see you took off the gag.”

You didn’t respond. You refused to give him what he wanted.

Erwin merely sighed. “The more you resist, the harder it will be for you.”

Of course he didn’t have an ounce of regret in him. In his eyes, he did what he had to protect you for the sake of his own ego. Knowing his attempts to reach a hand out for you would be disregarded, he unlocked the crate with a key. This one was smaller compared to the ones to the doors.

You forced yourself further into the crate. As much as you despised being in the small space, the knowledge Levi was waiting for you was worse. Having none of your stubborn behavior, Erwin gripped your wrist and tugged.

A grunt left you as you collapsed in front of him. With one hand on the floor and kneeling in front of him, you scowled from under your brows. He tugged you closer until you were nose to nose.

“For your own sake, behave.”

A part of you was tempted to bite him as well, but you knew you would surely be found in a landfill if you did. Keeping your teeth and words to yourself, you gave him a small nod.

Pulling himself up, Erwin didn’t let you go. His hand moved from your wrist to your nape. Softly, he massaged the tight area, but it offered no solace. You knew full well his hand was a temporary leash. A warning.

Your whole being shook. The want to beg and plead crawled up your esophagus. Maybe to tug on his heart strings and his need to protect you, convince him to shield you from the big bad wolf that is Levi, but it’s futile. You knew that well as whatever relationship those two had trumped Erwin’s rationality.

So like a lamb to the slaughter, you were dragged into the dining room. Sat at the right side of the table was Levi in all his glory. His face gave nothing away. On the table was an array of food, the plates and cutlery set picture perfectly.

“Where’s her gag?” Levi said. You looked down to see his hand was neatly wrapped.

“How do you expect her to eat with a gag on?” Erwin teased Levi, but the man found no amusement in the statement.

He clicked his tongue at that. Erwin was right, even though the darker part of Levi wanted you to starve.

Coming closer to the table, you noticed there were only two plates. Your brows furrowed in confusion. How were you expected to eat? Though your question was quickly answered when Erwin pulled the chair to the side. The metal plate on the floor, there was already a pair of handcuffs linked in the semi-circle welded into the steel.

Erwin’s hand drifted to your shoulder and pushed you onto the floor. Your knees cracked against the hardwood.

“What are you doing?” Panic caused your voice to pitch and crack.

Levi answered instead of Erwin, “Since you wanted to act like a shitty mutt, you will be treated as such until you can prove otherwise.”

The large man bent down with you under the table to lock you into the restraints. You attempted to pull your wrist from his grasp, but it did little. The cuffs were luckily padded and didn’t bite into your skin. With your still free hand you pushed against Erwin, but he easily grabbed it and threaded the leather until you were immobile.

“What the fuck!”

At both men’s feet, you were forced into a kneeling position. Your wrists were chained to the floor with about three inches of leeway. So no matter how much you tried to sit up straight, you could only hunch over. The plate faced the head of the table, but you could twist your body slightly away.

Testing the constraints, you tugged and tugged. Metal scraping together filled the room along with your labored breaths. Erwin hauled himself from the table. Back on his feet, you heard him rummaging through something and a wet slop of food being plopped on a dish. Water filling a container could also be heard.

Erwin popped back into view but this time with two metal bowls. One of them had rice with steamed vegetables, and the other had water. He placed them in front of you. He must be joking.

Your jaw ticked as you grinded your teeth together, “What the fuck is this.”

“Your food. Eat.”

The way the food was placed, you couldn’t kick it away from you like you wanted. “I’m not fucking eating like this!”

A whimper filled the room as Levi kicked you in the ribs. From your place, you couldn’t see his face. “Quit your yapping. Either eat or don’t, but if you starve it’s not our problem.”

Erwin offered nothing to Levi’s harsh words. Stewing in your own humiliation and anger, you heard both men pick up their forks and start eating. From your place you could smell their food which had an array of seasoning. Staring down at your own bowl, you glowered bitterly at your plain dinner.

Your stomach rumbled again reminding you of the neglected organ. Nausea wanted to creep up so with quivering lips you bent over to eat out of the bowl. Breathing shakingly out your nose, you ignored how your eyes stung. You were so sick of crying. Luckily, both men couldn’t see you make a fool of yourself.

Moving your head over, you stuck your tongue out to lap up the water. It would be more efficient to pucker your lips and suck it up, but the thought of them hearing the slurping noises was too much to handle. So in your own head, it took you a little too long to realize the socked foot brushing against your thigh.

Jumping, you departed from your food to watch Levi’s foot creep closer up your leg. You attempted to squirm away but he quickly used his other foot to press into your hip, immobilizing you completely. Watching in horror, he kept up with the movements.

“How’s the project going?” Levi asked, Erwin none the wiser to what was going on under the table. Of course they were going to talk about school now. Possibly to mock you.

There was silence, before the other man answered. “Not as smoothly as we would like. Some of the girls aren’t taking too kindly to the change.”

Huh?

“Reminds me of someone.”

Erwin chortled before covering it with a cough. You would have said something if it weren’t for Levi growing more bold. To dig in his words, the heel of his foot found your crotch. You smothered your groaned when he rubbed against your clothed slit.

Your food was long forgotten, barely half eaten. Dragging further up, his heel caught your clit and you weren’t able to bite back the whimper this time.

“Hush,” Levi commanded.

“As I was saying, our cargo hasn’t been as big as last month. Eld has been able to wrangle some girls into place, but who knows how long that will last.”

Levi clicked his tongue, “I will visit this weekend.”

Rubbing further, Levi didn’t slow down his strokes as you strangled to keep your noises in. Helplessness filled you. Any time you attempted to squirm away, he followed. There was only so much you could move in the constraints.

Wetness started to soak your panties and thin pajamas. Levi could surely feel it through his own sock. Unwillingly you bucked at his leisure pace. He didn’t want you to cum that’s for sure. This was to purely torment you.

Erwin spoke after another bite, “Let’s hope there won’t be a repeat of last time.”

“I agree. I fucking hate cleaning blood out of clothes. Shit always stains.”

You shivered at the words. He must have felt it as he pressed harder into your clit. You were completely pinned down. Despite the little stimulation, the want to cum washed over you. Another whine stuck in your throat. All you needed was a little bit more.

Right when you almost fell into him, Levi pulled away. Your hips spasmed at the lack of stimulation. Clenching your eyes closed, you slumped over and your forehead hit the cold floor. What the fuck was wrong with you?

“I can clean it up.” Levi spoke, a little more far away. He must have stood up.

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked, the floorboards creaked as he went to Levi. Mostly to take the plate from his grasp.

“Yes. Take her back to the crate.”

Plates clacked together above you and Erwin came back in view. Embarrassed, you clenched your thighs closed in fear a wet patch could be shown.

“You barely ate.”

“Not hungry,” You mumbled.

His thick brows pinched together, but he didn’t respond as he released you from the leather restraints. Grasping your upper arm, he tugged you from your kneeling position. Shuffling from under the table, you faced Erwin. That antsy feeling hasn’t left you. Levi half-hazardly stroking you under the table couldn’t be what he had in store.

Turning your head, you gazed at Levi who stood at the sink, flipping the faucet to run the plates under the water. The man locked eyes with you and your shoulders scrunched up at the intense glare. A promise deep in his grey irises.

Erwin directed you away from the man. Down the hall, you looked into the window in the corridor. Twilight swallowed the sky. Between the foliage, you saw how the neighbors flicked on their own lights. The home was a speck in the distance, but their lights radiated. If you saw them, they could see you.

A plan forming in your head, you go almost limp as you let Erwin drag you back to your prison. The man didn’t think much of your sluggish behavior as he shoved you in the crate. A tiny, gold key—the same as before—taken from his pocket, he locked you inside.

“I hate putting you in here.” He had the audacity to look worn.

“Then let me out.”

His forehead hit against the crate as his blue eyes engulfed your form. “We both know I can’t do that.” He lingered for a moment, before standing back up. “Goodnight, Princess.”

Just as earlier today, he flicked off the lights and left you alone. Back to square one. At least you weren’t wearing the damn gag. Glancing down, the offending item was gone. You were perplexed. When did they grab it?

Heaviness weighed down your bones. Yawning, you curled up into the stuffed animals. As a strange sleepiness took over your tendons, you gazed up at the canopy. The golden hook taunted you, but you needed to be patient. Eyelids drooping, you promised yourself to escape as soon as possible.

A door creaking awoke you from your slumber. Discombobulated, you blearily glanced around. You were still in the crate. Blinking heavily, the whole room was shrouded with black. But that’s not what caught your attention.

Oh so sluggish, your eyes dragged to the door. The hallway light must have been turned on. Standing in the doorway was a figure blanketed in shadow. You sucked in harshly.

Your heart quivered and thumped at the innate reaction of being watched. From the stature alone it had to be Levi. Though, you couldn’t see his features at all. Somehow in the night, the fairy lights had turned off.

Levi didn’t move, not even when you noticed his presence. Weakly, you moved further into the crate, but it did little. Your body was at war with itself. That same heaviness still clung to your bones, but your heart rattled.

You struggled against yourself, terrified of what will happen if you fall back asleep. Dragging your hand to your face, you rubbed your eyes in hopes to alleviate your tiredness. Levi only stood there. As you crumpled in on yourself, he leaned against the frame, as if to take you all in.

He did love seeing you squirm.

The edges of your consciousness whittled away until the whole room swirled. Fighting against the sleepiness made you dizzy. Your vision swimmed. Sinking down, Levi stayed stagnant.

Whimpering, you sagged back into the stuffed animals. Their suffocating arms consumed you. Cotton and fluff choked you as you were dragged back to sleep. As the world caved in on itself, Levi didn’t leave the doorway. Watching.

Gasping, you sputtered as freezing cold water entered your lungs. Your body spasmed as you scrambled to find your footing. You went to wipe the water from your eyes, but you couldn’t move your arms.

You tugged upwards, but your arms were tied tight behind your back. Your legs were also bound at the ankle with leather cuffs similar to the ones in the kitchen. From under you was concrete painted a darker shade of grey from the water. Blinking, the sun blared down at your confused eyes.

Frantically you looked around to see Levi standing above your form. On your side, you tugged yourself to kneel to be less vulnerable. In his hand was a hose. Droplets dripped onto the grass. You eyed the hose and then him. Adrenaline had overtaken your system, shaking from terror and the cold.

“You really think I was done with you, Pet?”

[strangererville]

Hello and welcome... uh... again? Previously I was at @possumbreathsims/@possumcc but I fully have given up on getting un shadow banned, and being able to reply to and interact with people was kind of the whole point of being on Tumblr. So... we remade!

My name is Possumbreath, but you can call me PB for short. I use he/him/his pronouns and am a Jewish trans man. I'm in my thirties, live on the East Coast of the USA with my wife and two cats, and am currently a graduate student in social work. I'm especially passionate about communities and policy and am interested in doing more 'macro' work, ideally as an advocate or educator. This is your reminder to drink water, take your medication, and vote in your local elections.

I have played the Sims since all the way back when Sims 1 first came out, and I've loved it my whole life. Now in Sims 4 I primarily do long-form legacy play, but I recently (re)discovered sims storytelling.

SOL SOUL CHALLENGE | ON HIATUS | READ FROM BEGINNING

A single-generation 'legacy' challenge about living life to the fullest without children. I've played way ahead in it but stalled out in editing/writing so oops

STRANGERER! | IN PREPRO

The story of the Strangerville Pack except I'm going to put an actual story in there. Meant to be half horror-comedy (Little Shop, Gremlins) and half slightly surreal character study (Eternal Sunshine, Ferris Bueller). Follows Erwin Pries and Micah Hopkins, two conspiracy theorists who are trying to figure out what happened in the crater and what it has to do with their missing friend Juniper Grey.

POISON GARDEN LEGACY | READ FROM BEGINNING

Started playing this on a whim and now I'm insane about it. Not a story so much as occasional posts about the sims and gameplay, but if you want to see all of it, it's here.

CUSTOM CONTENT | TAG HERE WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING DONE TO UPLOAD

Thank you for stopping by and reading this post. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

[hun3ysuckl3]

AND IN THEIR TRIUMPH DIE | chapter 1

— Seven years after the Outbreak, all efforts to find a cure have been unsuccessful. Nearly a forgotten pipe dream, it's kept alive by a small team of scientists scattered across the country and fiercely guarded by what remains of the military. It was coincidence that brought the missing piece to the cure into the hands of Levi Squad. It was sheer misfortune that it would carry him across the country.

[ WORD COUNT: 4.3k ]

[ levi ackerman x fem!reader ]

[ TAGS/WARNINGS: violence, loss of a limb, cursing, reader described as severely malnourished, mentions of contamination from germs, awful descriptions of lockpicking, levi definitely has anxiety. please continue with caution if these are sensitive subjects for you <3 ]

“Christ!—Levi! Watch out!” 

Fifteen minutes.

No pause.

No reprieve.

Just a full-blown sprint.

“Pick up your goddamn feet, four eyes, or I swear to Christ, I’ll feed you to the assholes myself!”

The formation was ruined. The plan went to absolute shit. 

“I’m trying—he’s heavier than he looks, ya’know!” As though he wasn’t carrying him too.

“Mikasa will kill us if we bring this sorry sack of shit back in more than two pieces—if I don't get to you first.” Levi decided to spare himself the wasted breath of adding that the kid had an extra foot of height and one hundred pounds of weight on him, and he still was not struggling the way they were.

“Levi!” Their leader chastised, jamming his blade through the sinus cavity of a particularly soft-headed Runner. “Leave Hange be and move it. Or have you forgotten what we're doing here?” There was an authoritativeness there that was hardly ever used on him.

Perhaps the jab was poorly timed. 

A pained yelp escaped from the boy as the pair had to lift him over fallen debris. Levi’s unfortunately small build meant he had to assist for a moment and put weight on his injured leg to clear the obstacle. “It’s okay, Eren. Just hang on—me and Levi gotcha. We’re almost there.” He could only respond with a groan.

(If only he knew it was a damn lie.)

(He probably did.)

He was going into shock.

“Erwin,” Hange cried, “you gotta give us something here.”

“There’s more buildings around the corner.” He was so out of breath. His words hardly made sense: “They can't all possibly be boarded up.”

Too much was happening. Too much had already happened. Too much that could not be undone, and too much would haunt Levi for many sleepless nights to come. 

His group of six turned to four, with one member rapidly approaching an involuntary amputation from a tourniquet fashioned from a decaying leather belt and a hacksaw, and Levi with a nasty sprain—he could hardly remember how it happened. He was sure that if anyone other than Erwin and Hange were left, he would've been long dead and beginning incubation.

It all happened so quickly.

They were so quiet. 

It was only a few seconds; he knew that for certain.

The last thing he recalled was Hange rambling about their breakthroughs in stimulating fine motor skills in newly turned Infected—how it’s another lead for the cure. Levi only half listened, briefly catching another one of their theories about recovering explicit memories in different regions of their brains. None of it made much sense to him, and he stopped trying to decipher it for several years now, having long given up on Hange’s ability to further any research for the cure—not because he doubted their intelligence but because a cure was impossible. Eren was complaining about the heat—understandably so, as Virginian summers were known for their brutality. Erwin walked by Levi’s side in silence, aside from his periodic warnings to Hange and Eren to keep their volume to a whisper and their occasional gripe in response. The remaining two members (they arrived only two weeks prior, much to Levi’s disdain. It was their first run.) hovered near the back line and listened in on the periodic childish banter between Hange and Eren, though they were primarily distracted by an old Tamogachi they found tucked inside of a rusted-out Nissan.

They were the first ones to go. 

Their screams were the only signal to the other four that Infected were on their asses.

Eren, a notoriously suicidal maniac and practically a child that Levi knew was not ready for more challenging runs, tried saving them.

He was going to lose his leg for it.

Most likely his life too.

In the chaos of it all, thoughts of Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Jean—the faces of the people he’s spent the last seven godforsaken years with—filled Levi’s head. And in that split second, he became reckless. He made an uncharacteristically impulsive decision based on his own feelings rather than what he knew made sense. He should have left the brat behind to suffer the consequences—he knew that made sense. He would have done it with nearly anyone else. But in that split second, he thought of how he watched those insufferable brats at home (though he isn't sure he truly thought of them as such anymore) all grow up together; how they were still just a bunch of damn kids sitting together at the dinner table; how Eren’s mother brushed his unruly hair out of his eyes and gave him her only hair tie to make sure he could keep it out of his face; he thought of how he was supposed to tell them—to tell his mother that Eren was dead because he was too practical to do anything about it.

He knew he wouldn't be able to. 

In that brief moment of distraction and all-consuming empathy, Levi went for Eren, knowing if anyone had a chance at getting him out of there, it would be him.

In the end, Levi misstepped, suffering a nasty sprain in his ankle. Eren was still bitten, and he was still going to die regardless of his interference.

(Why was he never fast enough?)

Their formation couldn't hold with just the three of them. There was no one for backup, no room for error, and no window to fight. Their only option was to run and drag Eren along.

“Why the hell didn’t you let Erwin handle him?” He was never great at holding his tongue in moments like this. It seemed as though he saved his breath specifically to spend on berating his companions when all hell broke loose.

(Hange was used to it at this point.)

Sweat poured down Levi’s forehead, burning his eyes and obscuring his vision as he supported well more than half of Eren’s weight on his left side. With every step he took, Hange seemed to support less and less of his weight. His ankle screamed in pain with every step, the potency of adrenaline having worn off as a painkiller. His hand was sweating as he held his machete, which was missing an approximate half of the blade, and he struggled to keep it in his grasp while he stumbled through the broken, pothole-infested city streets.

(Apparently some of the skulls were too hard for a half-rusted blade.)

(Or perhaps the machete was too dull after slicing through nearly twenty Infected. No matter, a portion of Levi’s blade was forever embedded in the nasal cavity of a freshly turned Runner in a mechanic’s jumpsuit.)

“You're useless with your ankle like that, and I’m out of ammo, and my pack is—”

“I fucking know the situation, four eyes!” 

“Then why are you asking—!”

“Hange! Levi!” Erwin, forever the voice of reason, shouted, “That’s more than enough! You can bicker when we're safe.”

At the same time, Levi spoke: “Why are you the only one struggling!?”

“LEVI!”

He decided to silence any further complaints, not wanting to endure another lecture when—if—this was over. He wanted to tell Erwin that if safety is what they're waiting for, then he may as well cut out his tongue now and spend the rest of his days in silence. He reckoned Erwin would have an infuriatingly eloquent response along the lines of, ‘I fail to see how that would differ much from your usual day-to-day, Captain.’ And—as much as it pained him to admit—Hange was right. His ankle put him in no position to be leading them through the city or carving through Infected, Hange was out of ammo and lost their supply bag to the pack behind them—it wasn't looking good for the three of them, but Erwin had the best chance of guiding them to safety.

“There!” Erwin shouted. “Up ahead, to the right—that hardware store!”

For the first time in about one hundred yards, Levi looked ahead of him as opposed to Eren’s bleeding, rapidly discoloring leg and the potholes littering the streets. The first thing he noticed was the wooden planks, chairs, tables, and various couches blocking the entrance of every store lining the downtown. Then he noticed the barricades did not look all that old—maybe two weeks. It wasn't an uncommon sight… at the start. Plenty of larger communities were holed up in cities and downtowns, capitalizing on the space and sewer systems below, when everything first started. It seemed practical at the time.

Those communities typically failed within the first couple years. He hasn't heard of a successful one in the area in at least four years. It should have looked decrepit.

Not recently vacated.

And then he noticed the lone storefront Erwin was locked on. With no planks, no furniture to block the entrance, only a chair pushed a few feet off to the side, a thick line of chain link between two door handles, and a padlock hanging in the center. And he noticed how strange that was.

Out of the dozens of buildings we’ve run past, why is this the only one? And was everything so boarded up when we scouted this last month?

Levi had a bad feeling about this, one that made his stomach ache. “We should find another.” When did his voice become so hoarse? It felt as though he had swallowed razor blades.

“What? Are you crazy?” Hange added.

“Something isn't right here, Erwin.”

“We’re not arguing. Levi—take care of that lock. Hange—you take my weapons and hold them off. I’ll hold onto Eren.”

Levi had a bad feeling about this. It seemed no one else did. 

He passed off Eren to Erwin, who was able to hold him in his arms with what seemed to be little to no effort despite his fatigue, while Hange (who was objectively the best shot, aside from Levi) fired off rounds into the crowd of Infected. 

“Levi,” Erwin called, dragging out the last syllable to feign placidity. “How close are we?”

He was too absorbed in selecting the right pick to respond.

“Hurry it up, shorty; we only have so many rounds left.” 

“Can it, four eyes! Just- just hold them off.” His fingers weren't as deft in lockpicking as they used to be, having been years out of practice. Infected rapidly closed in on them, their groans echoing off the buildings and the stench of death emanating from their decaying maws, making his hands shake and his stomach turn. Or maybe it was the lack of food. Oh God, was he panicking? The situation was fucked; he knew that—was it worse than even his own consciousness knew?

God, when was the last time Eren made a sound? Was he still alive?

Were they all going to die?

Was it all for nothing?

“LEVI.” Erwin shouted, squaring his shoulders, preparing for the likelihood of having to toss Eren to the side. Fuck, what was happening to him? He never lost his nerve. He never panicked. Had the pain from his ankle left him delirious? 

“Hold the fuck on!”

“I’ve got six left, headshots or not; I can't handle them all!”

They were getting closer. They were so much closer. He still had three out of four pins left, and he was almost confident that his rake pick was not meant for this lock. The relentless groans of Infected began to sound more like a steady roar—like he was a child holding a seashell to his ear in one of his nightmares—and distracted him from the task at hand.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath from his stomach, like his mother always told him as a child. Fear has never been a luxury that was afforded to him.

The second pin gave way.

“Almost there.” His voice finally steadied.

Images of his mother flashed before his eyes. Why would he think of her now? 

And the third.

“Erwin, get ready to bar the doors!”

Only one more left.

"Hange, grab that chair; we can use it to brace the handle.”

Snap.

And the world seemed to stop for a moment.

Levi wasn't sure what he was actually looking at. He thought he was seeing one half of his lockpick in his palm while the other was broken off inside the lock, with no feasible way of removing the thin piece of metal to retry with another pick—but that wasn't possible. No. No, he was about to have the door opened, and the four of them were going to be inside in just a few seconds. They were going to perform a shoddy amputation on Eren’s leg, wrap up his ankle, and find a way out of the city and back to their camp. It surely had to be fatigue, dehydration, or early signs of a heat stroke because Levi did not fuck up like this when lives were on the line.

(There was only one accident.)

(But he was better. He got better, and it was so long ago. He made a full recovery, and he vowed to never make that mistake again.)

How was he doing it again? 

“FUCK.” 

“Levi, what happened?!”

“The goddamn pick broke off in the lock. I can't get it out.” 

He was sure he would never forget the looks on their faces if they managed to live past this. Erwin’s shoulders dropped, his eyes closed, and his brows were slightly furled. It was almost as if he were wincing away from Levi’s words—maybe even Levi himself. Hange’s jaw dropped, their eyes as wide as saucers underneath their glasses, with a look of pure shock. Eren, who remained mostly out of it, tensed his jaw. 

He could feel their disappointment in him.

They were all going to die.

It didn't matter how strong he was; it didn't matter how good his aim was; it didn't matter how fast, silent, knowledgeable, or small he was. None of it mattered. It was never going to be enough in the end.

It wasn't before. He wasn't quite sure why he thought it would've been different this time.

“Alright… We hold on as long as we can. If we’re going to die today, then we take as many of the bastards with us as we can.”

“What makes you so certain we’re dying today, Commander?” Levi said, slowly bringing himself to his feet, his voice laced with sarcasm.

“Aww man… I was really looking forward to examining that bite wound.” Hange pouted. 

“We’re soldiers, Captain. We’re certain to die every day. But give your heart here today, and we might live to see one more.”

That son of a bitch. Even knows how to make dying seem like a contribution. “You sound ridiculous.”

They were closing in.

The stench was nearly unbearable, and Levi hated the thought of walking around as one of those disgusting creatures. He’d rather burn in Hell than suffer such condemnation. He hoped someone would put him out of his misery soon enough.

The machete would have to do. Hange emptied the last of their rounds into the monsters and took out a small blade they kept sheathed on their thigh. Erwin was left without a weapon. 

“OVER HERE.”

A shrill voice called out to them, nearly sounding like an angel amidst the chaos.

“Follow me!” It only took a single glance between the three of them to agree to follow the voice. 

Erwin continued with Eren in his arms, while Hange braced Levi to help him run faster. They were led down a narrow alleyway, then to the right, and then left, all while the ravenous hoard stayed close on their trail. The sharp turns of the blocks helped deter them, but it wasn't enough. The pain in his ankle was nearly unbearable, and sweat burned his eyes, but it was too late to stop, and turning back wasn't an option.

“Here!" the voice called. A large, metal door was opened, and the four of them were being taken into what seemed to be a poor excuse for an office. No sooner than the door slammed shut did the Infected begin beating, clawing, and banging on the door, making the whole room feel tense. Levi looked between Hange and Erwin, who didn't appear to have any bites, scratches, or open wounds from their final sprint.

And then his eyes shot to you. 

The first thing he noticed was how concerningly malnourished you were: dead eyes sunken into deep sockets, collarbones protruding beneath the collar of a thin, long-sleeved shirt with half-rolled sleeves, limp hair on your head, and an excess of body hair covering what was visible of your skin—you were slowly starving to death. The next thing he took in was the pistol on your hip and the knife on your belt—both contained and clasped within a holster. He didn't overlook how your hands shook as you held them out in front of you. In fact, your entire body was wracked with tremors. It seemed that the dead sprint back to your base (for lack of a better word) took the last scraps of energy your emaciated frame held. Your eyes drooped, your shoulders sagged, your head seemed too heavy for your neck, and you looked slightly disoriented.

It was a miracle you made it to them to begin with.

By all accounts, you were no threat to them.

Levi reckoned even Eren could overpower you in his current state.

However, in Levi’s current state, that didn't matter.

What mattered was Eren's leg. The discolored veins radiating from the bite on his ankle and up to his calf. The tourniquet that Hange tied from their belt and the dirty rag stuffed in his mouth to keep him from biting his own tongue off when the sawing started. The dull hacksaw and the last of their rubbing alcohol being poured on its blade. Hange’s heavy breathing. The five hearts beating in the room and the four that meant anything to him. The knowledge that it was up to him to make sure Hange was not disturbed while Erwin held him down. The stench of rot that was invading his senses. The sheer adrenaline pumping in his veins and a faint throbbing in his skull that reminded him of how hungry he was.

What mattered was you—who you are and who you were. Where you came from. Why you helped them, and why you waited until the last second to do it. Why you were starving but surrounded by a surplus of food. What your motive was for saving them. When you planned to show your hand and what cards you would be holding. If you were bluffing or holding a full house. 

What mattered was that you were an anomaly. 

The last of his energy was shifted into you, and he began invading your space, doing his best to fight off the pain in his ankle and subsequently noticeable limp in an effort to intimidate you. His efforts were not in vain, if the way you backed into the wall behind you was any indication. But there was an unsettling look in your half-lidded eyes that gave him pause—something wild that told him he had just cornered a stray animal that had nothing left to lose.

(He knew what he needed to do.)

(He knew how to tame a wild animal.)

He continued his trajectory forward until your spine was flush with the wall. Leaning slightly on his toes, Levi caged you in with his forearm against the base of your throat and his broken machete kissing the bottom of your jaw. What he lacked in height, he made up for in strength as you desperately tried to claw his arm away. He nicked your skin as a warning, as if to tell you that one more wrong move would end with his blade piercing through your jaw and kissing the bottom of your soft palate. 

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I'm not sure that's how you talk to someone who just saved your ass.” You hardly had the energy to speak. Up close, Levi could see the deep cracks in your lips and the discoloration under your eyes. You were trembling and on your last leg.

“Oh yeah? And how would you talk to someone holding a knife to your throat?”

“Touché.” You whispered, breathing heavily.

The silence, while only lasting a few seconds, spanned an eternity while the two of you were locked in a staring contest. No one dared to move. No one dared to speak.

“Eren, you're going to need to breathe for me. Can you do that?” Hange’s voice broke the silent battle. All he could do was whimper behind the rag stuffed in his mouth. “Bite. Hard. This is going to hurt.”

They were going directly below the knee. It’s possible he would've only lost a few inches above his ankle had they gotten away sooner. 

“What are you doing to him?”

“None of your business, rat. Where’s the rest of your people hiding?”

“I’m alone.”

“Bullshit.”

Levi vaguely registered Eren’s breathing picking up behind him. His heart hammered into his throat.

“Okay, Eren. On the count of three...”

He was already screaming.

“One…”

“Hey, what the fuck are you doing to him?”

Levi pressed even harder into your throat, effectively cutting your air supply and forcing broken coughs from your chest. He tried not to wince at your spit landing on his cheeks.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Two…” 

He was sure he had never heard someone scream like that. And God, has he heard his fair share.

“Three.”

A bloodcurdling, agonizing scream came from him. Something entirely inhuman, too monstrous to even have belonged to one of the Infected.

And then nothing.

“What the hell, four eyes?”

“He’s passed out. Probably the best we can hope for. But he’s losing too much blood.” Levi reckoned that was an understatement, considering the sheer amount covering the floor, Erwin’s pant legs, and Hange’s arms.

“I have a Bunsen burner.”

“Did I say you could fucking speak?”

“Wait, we need that. We're going to need something to cauterize this, or he’s never making it back to camp. But—wait, there's no gas lines in here, the thing is useless."

“Don't need it. It's just a glorified camp stove—butane-powered but does the same thing.”

Another moment of tense eye contact was shared between the two of you—yours still wild and Levi's still scathing.

“Where?”

“Desk. The middle drawer. Right side. Matches should be there too.”

Levi jerked his head towards Erwin, who understood the silent signal and went searching for the burner.

“Are we gonna find something in there we don't like?”

“Christ, I’m the one that went out of my way to help you.”

“Not what I asked.” He applied another small amount of pressure to your jaw. “Try again.” 

“...no.”

The slamming of a drawer and the relieved sigh from Erwin told Levi that he had found the torch. After a few moments of rustling, Levi heard the gas ignite and looked behind him to see a flame burning. It wasn't much, but it would certainly heat up a blade.

Eren, thankfully, remained unconscious for the rest of the procedure, and Hange managed to—mostly—cauterize the wound. He was far from stable, still subject to turning, and heaving shallow breaths.

(Somewhere in Levi’s heart, he knew this was a win.)

As Hange carefully wrapped Eren’s leg in a clean shirt they borrowed (read: stole) from you, Levi—who never turned his blade from you or lifted his arm—directed his attention back to you.

“We're going to try this again. What's your name?”

“Blue.”

“The fuck kind of name is that?”

You did not deign to answer him.

“Alright, Blue. Where are the rest of your people?”

“I already told you, I’m—”

“Yeah, yeah, you're alone. Now, tell me the truth.”

“Levi.” Erwin said, still crouching on the ground with Eren. His fingers were around his wrist, checking for signs of a pulse. “Leave the girl alone. We’d be dead by now if it weren't for her.”

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“Shut the hell up.”

And for the first time since the five of you entered the room, you listened to what Levi said on the first go. Begrudgingly, he removed his forearm from your throat and lowered himself back to the soles of his feet. Only then did he seem to remember the searing pain in his ankle and collapse to the floor when putting his full weight back on the joint.

“Levi!” Hange called to him, but they were unable to go to him with Eren’s head resting on their lap. 

(His hair was up, just as his mom told him to.)

The adrenaline was worn off, and the pain was too much.

“Levi, when is the last time you've eaten?” 

Two and a half days.

Unbeknownst to Hange and Erwin (or so he thought), Levi was skipping out on his portion of the already slim rations to ensure enough was left for the others in their group.

If the plan didn't go to shit, it would have been fine. He would have indulged upon their arrival at the comms site.

He would have been fine.

He continued to tell himself as such, as the sides of his vision blackened and his ears rang to the pitch of Eren’s screams.

[ a/n: oh boy oh boy! as i'm positive you can tell, we're taking heavy inspo from TLOU here and by inspo I mean we're basically shoving AOT and TLOU into one universe

we're going to be miserable here <3 ]

masterlist and new updates coming soon

[rhiirysss]

the scarlet sunset (that lit up the sky on that day)

Chapter 3

masterlist

ao3 / prev / next

Summary:

Five years. Five years was all the time they'd been given to prepare for this. It felt targeted, in a sense. Did the attack have to happen while the scouts were miles away from Trost? They'd only recently left for their singular monthly expedition, it was hard to believe this was a coincidence, but there was little to no data to suggest it was some sort of premeditated attack. Not when titans weren't exactly known for their intelligent minds, or strategic prowess.

Relationships: Erwin Smith/Hange Zoë/Levi Ackerman, eventually becomes Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë-centric, Moblit Berner & Hange Zoë, Mentioned Squad Levi, Mentioned 104th Training Corps

Tags: Time-Skip to 845 (specifically around S1 EP9), Canon Divergence, She/Her Pronouns for Hange Zoë, Polyamorous Relationships that are never truly labelled, Future Sight but not really (she only really knows how she dies, that's it), kind of filler but also a push in the right direction for the fic, Canon-Typical Violence, less focused on the romance.. for now

Word Count: 3052

A/N:

this was.. actually rough to write, not because i struggled to make it but because of everything else that was going on while i was doing it who knew driving would be so.. terriying— euugh! im alive, though! and maybe second-guessing continuing on with my driving lessons, but alive and well! this particular chapter went through a few revisions cause i ended up beginning to basically recap the episode it was based on and slowly realized that "hey, most people reading this already knew all this happened, we dont need to info dump on them" and managed to bring it to a much more reasonable point so far, this is my longest chapter :)) both by word count and how long i took to fucking write it but here we are chap 4 will be here soon, it just need quite the few revisions and edits before it's out!! hopefully, you can wait till then.. enjoy your silly little reading (><) !! -ryss

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“YAHOO!”

Flying through the wreckage of buildings within Wall Maria, Hange let her body take care of most of the work, muscle memory built in from years of using the same old gear allowing her to hone in her focus on the titan only just recovering from its attempts to eat two members of Squad Levi. The poor house laid in front of it was crushed through, leaving a gaping hole just as big as the beast who'd launched itself at it.

Planting herself atop a nearby roof behind him– as she deemed it, at least, purely based on its outward appearance; though it did feel quite rude rude to assume such things –her body turns towards the towering creature, arms stretched out and a wide open-mouthed smile forming on her lips.

“It’s okay! I won’t hurt you, I promise!” The Section Commander practically coos out, as if trying to placate a stray animal. Alas, her words did little to convince the titan. Rather, he likely hadn't processing a single word she’s said so far, taking her stationary stance as an invitation to swipe at her.

All that does, however, is excite her further; easily evading the attempt with a quickly timed shot of her hook. It latches onto a taller building nearby, fingers pulling at her triggers and reeling her out of the titan’s range.

Giggles leaves her lips, eyes shining in complete and utter glee; maneuvering herself behind him as anticipation oozes out of her. Her next line of dialogue is practically praise for the thing for trying to gobble her right up. “Nice try!”

One of her favorite activities, aside from the whole titan research thing, was doing this. Not the killing, per say, more-so the feeling of fresh air running through her messy strands of hair. It's a freeing kind of sensation, a rather nice distraction from the many other things she has to work on, but she couldn't let herself get too distracted now. No matter how exhilarating it could be, this was still a battlefield at the end of the day.

Snapped out of her momentary daze, her hooks have begun to retract back to her side, barely given enough time to fully sheathe themselves in as gas began to propel her forward. “Now it’s my turn!”

Her blades cut through the flesh seamlessly, the titan’s body going limp under her feet. Blood splatters out of its nape, gushing all over, heels digging itself into the steaming flesh as she pushes herself back into the air.

Landing back onto the ground with a little flip, Hange’s quick to look over her shoulders, a rather cheery look in her eyes as she chirps out, the blood staining her cloak already beginning to disintegrate into little puffs of steam.

“See? That didn’t hurt.” Her eyes are solely focused on the titan’s corpse, wondering when she’d ever find one intelligent enough to understand her. The incident with Ilse’s notebook had been the closest she’d gotten to it, but no repeated incidents have happened since then.

It’s slightly disheartening, in a way, but not enough to completely deter her from trying again.

Just then, Hange’s sight turns to the familiar silhouette of the Survey Corps’ local clean freak, watching him take down a duo of titans flawlessly. Leave it to him to be a show-off, as always. She had the slightest feeling that he’d sent his squad to deal with the smaller fry, again, which she idly notes happens to be the same titan she just killed.

Oh well— anyways!

Levi's creativity and ingenuity in battle was– and still is –her favorite thing to witness. She's not even sure he realizes it, but very few people fight like he does. In one hand, she'd be able to count how many people she's seen use the detachable blades that came with their gear as projectiles to throw and blind a titan. It's just not something most people think of, considering it has you waste one pair of your already limited stock of defense on the field.

Don't even get her started on that maneuvering technique he demonstrated earlier on, practically close to choking that titan out as he used his wires– I repeat, his wires! –to keep it still as the momentum and speed he'd gained alongside such a technique allowed him to knock it down in one precise slice.

She supposed he wasn't called Humanity's Strongest for nothing.

His figure lands eventually, and she’s quickly reminded of her role here, turning around to bark out their next plan of action. Gunther and Eld still happened to be here, so she should probably instruct them to return to Levi's side.

Her plans are– unfortunately –cut short by her own squad member, no less.

“Section Commander Hange! We need to pull out!”

…

Is she.. hearing things right? Or were her years of exposure to dangerous chemicals and close-up participation in weapon testing finally getting to her?

“..Pull out?”

Whatever hopes Hange had still clung onto were crushed by the tense disposition growing in the other’s posture, clearly unnerved by the sheer amount of disbelief– that was just about ready to convert into rage –she’s expressing at his words alone.

“What are you talking about, Moblit?”

Maybe all the stress and near heart-attacks she'd given to her assistant were starting to get to him, too. Alcohol could only do so much for a person’s psyche– but still, that was no excuse to abandon their mission! Sympathy would not save him now.

“I didn’t peg you for the type to desert after all your years of service, but we can’t just leave in the middle of a expedition whenever we feel like–“

“–A h-horde, there’s a horde of titans heading north, straight towards Trost!”

His frantic words, clearly desperate to explain himself before she bestowed her wrath upon him, were enough to silence her enraged thoughts.

“The Commander has– h-has reason to believe this is a repeat of the incident five years ago..”

Her mind was put to a halt, blanking at the severity of the situation.

Five years.

Five years was all the time they'd been given to prepare for this. It felt targeted, in a sense. Did the attack have to happen while the scouts were miles away from Trost? They'd only recently left for their singular monthly expedition, it was hard to believe this was a coincidence, but there was little to no data to suggest it was some sort of premeditated attack.

Not when titans weren't exactly known for their intelligent minds, or strategic prowess.

At least seeing the Colossal up close will give her an idea of what she’ll be fighting against in the years– or months, even, as her dreams didn't exactly give her a timeline of events –to come. That was really the only positive outcome of this repeated tragedy.

With her mind made up, she gives a small nod to the taller man, voice bellowing out across the town ruins.

“Fourth Squad, mount up! We’re pulling out and heading back to Trost!”

——————

Their arrival was met with far less of a mess than they'd been expecting to deal with. The hole they'd been expecting to filter in through was miraculously sealed up with a giant boulder of all things, the scouts being forced to abandon their horses temporarily in favor of scaling up the walls with their gear.

That wasn't to say that Trost wasn't a total wreck on the other side, but it was considerably a better sight than what occurred in Shiganshina. She doesn't think she'd ever forget what they had returned to that day. Back then, when Keith Shadis still bore the title of Commander and Levi had only served under the Survey Corps for a year at that point. Days where Hange was nothing more but a mere squad member, sticking to her lane and doing as her leader said. They'd trotted back into the safety of the Walls, passing through the crowd of people admiring them, grim faces due to the magnitude of their loses.

Who knew, it would've been the last time anyone got to see Shiganshina in its full glory.

Thankfully, the gate into Wall Rose remained fully intact, thus containing all the remaining titans into the border town. The Garrison Brigade and graduating cadets had done well with the Survey Corps’ absence, but it was clear it was up to the scouts to rid of the remaining lurkers. So many had died already trying to protect this place, corpses littering the battleground before them. Nowhere had been left unscathed, what once was a bustling district was now barren and left to ruin.

Looking over it all, it was almost hard to imagine this was where she was teasing Levi hours ago, an expression she knew was uncharacteristically soft planted on her face. She could still feel his hand grasped tightly around the loosely tied strands of her hair, indirectly calling her the abnormal she was– right before they strode through the opened gates, the crowd gathered around them gawking and staring as they left for Wall Maria.

No, this was nowhere close to the place this was before, and all it did was give her a dreadful sense of deja vu.

Yet, Hange couldn't tear her gaze away from the sealed gate, honed in on the steam obscuring whatever it was sitting there. Then again, that did nothing to stop the cogs from turning into place within the recesses of her mind, for there were only a few things in this world that could cause such a sight. Most of such would have no place being here right now, and one which had all the reason to be present in such a catastrophic event.

Well, not that she had the time to get any closer. Levi seemed to have it handled, swooping in to take down the two titans that now stood before the steaming lump.

Her working hypothesis was proven correct when the beasts he'd vanquished let out the very same steam surrounding the mysterious figure— and once more, whatever was happening was left obscured from her vision.

“Fascinating..”

The mere confirmation implied that a titan, out of all things, had sealed up Trost itself. The Section Commander couldn't deny her excitement at that thought. It proved, in some way, there was a working brain behind the action and thus, an intellectual mind inside of it that could think and possibly— even feel for themselves! The possibilities that could arise from this were endless; maybe, if they’d allow her to, she could even communicate with–

Those thoughts quickly vanished in an instant, reminded that the sight of steam itself was a sign the titan had passed on already, disappointment quick to follow as she frowned. Again, just as she’d found a lead to the mystery surrounding these man-eating beasts she’d swore to understand, it slipped away just as quickly as it came. For fucks sake, the Colossal wasn’t even around anymore! There was no need for Hange to check around the Wall’s perimeter when it could be seen from miles away with its size, which further pulled at her disappointment and frustration.

“E-eugh! I didn't even get a chance to bring it back to HQ!”

Resigned to the unfortunate nature of their circumstances, her focus shifts to the many titans still roaming, expression much more grounded; focused, even. It was around time they got back to business, already seeing a dozen of other scouts out in the field. She couldn't stay watching forever, such things were never in her nature, even to degrees that concerned most people that knew her.

“Section Commander!” Whipping her head around, she's met with Moblit, whose hands are grasped around the hilt of his blades; leveling her down with an expectant look. He recognizes the look in her eyes, can practically tell something’s clocked into her mind yet again, but is also aware they don't have much time to dwell on it right now. “The Fourth Squad is ready to deploy, we're waiting for your orders!”

Keenly aware of the nature of their current mission, she pushes aside all she's observed for now, walking ahead to join her squad. Orders are barked out, and the wind is rushing through her hair once more. Right now, all that mattered was clearing the remaining stragglers while the Garrison worked on securing the gate’s perimeter.

She'd be able to ask Levi what happened later on, anyhow.

——————

Her theory ended up hitting close enough to the truth, missing merely due to the fact she hadn't accounted for the fact that the titan could be hiding a human body in the recesses of its nape. Or, in this case, his nape.

Eren Yeager. A recruit belonging to the 104th Cadet Corps, the very same class that had graduated today.

Apparently, during the attack on Trost earlier on in the day, he'd been reported by another cadet– Armin Arlert –to have been eaten by another titan. Yet, shortly after that, a 15-meter titan appeared and started lunging at its own kind, fighting with what was described as techniques taught to them during their training under Instructor Shadis.

Although, she'd also been told by a couple of other witnesses that he didnt seem to have any clear control over his body at that point. He hadn't recognized anyone from his class, nor did he pay them any mind in the slightest. What he did seem to recognize, however, was an abnormal titan that'd eaten his fellow classmates earlier on. To which she was told it had been killed in a rather brutal fashion.

—“Seriously, no normal titan should’ve been able to do that! Not even a damned abnormal!”—

More proof to her that, in a sense, he was not some kind of mindless beast. There was a thought process behind his actions. One Hange theorized to be a culmination of all his rage; his anger built up finally being released. Could anyone become a titan if they were passionate enough? Yet another theory for her to catalog among the many others.

Not that she's met him before, of course! It was just a theory based on word of mouth, for certain cadets had a lot to say about him— Jean Kirschtein being the first to come to mind, the very same boy who detailed the aforementioned incident with the abnormal.

Going through all that happened would take far too long, though. What mattered most was the main point of gathering all this evidence.

With all things considered, there should’ve been no reason to persecute Eren any further, considering he was the reason Trost– and by extension, Wall Rose –had narrowly avoided suffering the same fate of both Shiganshina and Wall Maria respectively.

And yet, the decision to keep him in an underground dungeon beneath the courthouse came easily to the rest of Humanity. A trial awaited to decide his future. His continued existence relied entirely on whichever regiment Eren would be handed over too, and Hange was keen that it had to be the Survey Corps. Could Premier Zachary truly deny that the scouts knew the most about titans? Not to mention the fact that aside from their rather high death rate, they were statistically the strongest in terms of skill and experience (at least, when it came to titans).

Who else could be entrusted to supervise Eren but them? Most people in the other regiments had only experienced their first encounter with titans today. To the Survey Corps, that was a monthly experience they'd been forced to adapt to on the spot countless of times before.

Not that they were incapable, by any means, but this boy was a completely different territory that Humanity had– frankly –never dealt with before.

There was not enough time to ponder further on the matter, for as always, Erwin already had a plan in mind. Levi was, of course, involved— she'd take a gander to say he was the main attraction of this latest gamble being deployed. Regardless, there was something much, much more intriguing to set her eyes on.

Her mind slowly drifted to a conversation she'd had hours prior with the short-stack after the titans were all properly dealt with.

—"Leeeevi!" Running towards him, she nearly tripped on her feet, anticipation far too wild to tame as she looked up at him with big, wide eyes.

The Captain glanced behind him, in the midst of running through the next plan of action with his squad. For a moment, you could barely see the softening of his furrowed brows, honed in on the panting sight of his comrade.

The tender look faded out as quickly as it came, a low scowl now on his lips. "Tch. What is it, four-eyes? I'm in the middle of something."

That was translation for "you have my attention, just tell me what it is you need".

"You're- You're going to see the Yeager boy, right?"

"I am, what about it?"

"Could you ask him something for me?! Just a sequence of questions I need answered right away!"

"Depends on what you're asking."

"I just need his eyewitness testimony regarding the Colossal Titan. Some of the cadets told me he went face-to-face with it."—

And thank the heavens, for Levi had provided exactly what she needed. Going over the information Levi had given– transcribed by her dearest Moblit –and the third edition of her aptly titled "Dream Journals", the similarities between the two were too hard to simply ignore.

Muscles completely exposed with no skin around to protect it.

Steam that emitted from it's body, significantly hard to breathe in due to its heat.

Tall enough to tower over most structures– in this case, Wall Rose and the many buildings she was blearily able to make out in her dream self's peripheral vision.

These were, indeed, the same classification of titans she'd fight one day. The only true issue here was one small little fact that sent a chill down her spine.

The Colossal Titan had been alleged to recognize what to destroy– the wall mounted canons –and was seemingly familiar with Yeager's ODM gear maneuvering techniques. Eren adamantly suggests the thing is intelligent to a degree.

Shit, were there more people like Eren out there?

prev / next

[moonspirit]

Hi! I'm the same Anon who asked about the hypothetical situation of Annie NOT crystalising herself and the other possible set of events occurring. I read your thoughts and I honestly never even thought about another Kenny and Annie reunion and just.. talking, quite interesting! (Not to mention Pam's own idea that they wrote - I like it!) Including another mentioning a fic where Annie sees her Dad as a Titan during the second Colossal Titan attack and.. I may had a pretty devious idea. So, let's say Annie did in some way join the Scouts (or just is betraying the Warriors,) so during the mission to retake Shinganshina and there's the scene where Zeke & the mindless Titan's appear, what if one of those mindless creatures was her Dad? (This next part, I'm somewhat iffy since it really feels I mis-characterised her since I tend to mess up, so my apologies!) I'm not sure HOW it could play out then, maybe Annie in some desperate attempt to hold her Dad down so it's not mauled by Levi or Zeke. Though, one thing is clear, she sees the Colossal Titan going down and realises that in some selfish way.. she could bring her Dad back, it'll be a curse he'll bare too but at least she'll see him. And oh.. That's Armin. Completely charred, yet still breathing. With the Scouts debating whenever to save Erwin or Armin. This is all I have before I genuinely write more nonsense, I appreciate taking your time to answer my previous question. Please, have a lovely day! (AND I'M SO SORRY FOR HOW WORDY THIS IS)

Oohhhh hello again anon! I'm honestly so relieved you saw my answer because you sent me the ask on sept 19th and... I took nearly a month to answer - very sorry T^T But I enjoyed it so much and yes, the variety of thoughts on it have been incredibly interesting!

Some quick things first tho 1. you don't have to apologise for a long-ask, they are genuinely enjoyable xD 2. I don't think there's such a thing as mis-characterization especially when we talk about a completely new what-if scenario because there's soooooo many little things influencing a person's thoughts and actions and the resultant outcomes. So nope, there are only headcanons, they are all valid, and you don't need to worry about anything else :>

Now to your ask!

🙃

How dare you now bring THREE contenders for the serum with Annie in the mess? Erwin, I don't see her caring for, but now it's Armin vs. her Dad?

What in the gut-wrenching angst is this, holy shit anon 🥲

But no, genuinely I don't think Annie trying to protect her father from Levi's attacks is out of character for her. That is her DAD. She may have joined the Scouts as you say, but maybe that's because it's her best chance for survival. Betraying the warriors isn't Annie's concern, it's betraying her dad. At any cost, even by joining the scouts, she must return to him.

Only, she probably didn't expect to see him in Paradis, and as a titan no less.

Of course she's abandoning everything else (let's say she doesn't know of Armin's plan) and rushing to protect her father and get him out of the line of fire - perhaps by taking him down in her titan form and dragging him to safety, using her scream to summon other pure titans to whoever is attacking and using the time to do so.

(wait... now I suddenly have the mental picture of Annie and Zeke engaging in a screaming match 🥲)

Her sudden switch in priorities isn't likely to bode well with the others, especially when so much is happening and the Scouts find themselves in a dangerously cornered pinch.

Annie's very good at analyzing a situation and quickly making problem-solving decisions, given two options, she chooses the one in which she has a greater chance of survival (yet sometimes she also willingly walks in to dead ends thanks to her heart, but that's canon). Like leaving Marco on the roof vs saving him, but now..... now we have an extreme situation.

Say she thought immediately crosses her mind - of feeding her father the colossal once she learns it's been taken down. She may not have become attached to Bertholdt as much as she considered him a companion in their mission and someone from home, but he's still... a companion. A fellow warrior.

How do you feed such a person to your father?

And then of course:

That's Armin. Completely charred, yet still breathing.

How do you save your father at the cost of losing the one boy who makes your heart beat faster than the wind?

The one boy you swore you'd protect, as long as you wore the wings of freedom by his side.

The one boy who's looked you in the eyes and said I love you.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

[nardatd]

Definitely spoilers below for anyone who isn’t done watching

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My mom and I just finished rewatching snk earlier and so I’ve now watched snk, from beginning to end, a grand total of three times and my mom two times. It’s a shame I didn’t think about officially categorizing/compiling some of the episodes/moments into lists after the first time and the second time but here we are. I believe my views/preferences have definitely changed since then, albeit the changes aren’t too dramatic. Anyway I probably just have too much time in my hands lmao

My top 5 most emotional episodes/moments in no particular order:

1. Armin realizing that eren and mikasa didn’t think he was useless and then him trying to convince the soldiers around them that eren wasn’t a threat to humanity

Truly one of the most iconic, most moving parts of the whole show imo. I liked armin so, so much in season 1 and even now my heart still hurts just thinking about the him at the time. He really was the most precious, most promising, sweetest, kindest little thing you’ll ever lay your eyes on. I’m not into any kind of physical contact at all but I just wanted to hug him hold his hand and assure him that everything was going to be alright and that he was doing amazing. Objectively they really only survived because Pyxis arrived just in time, but this doesn’t and shouldn’t diminish the shine of his heart and courage. Season 1 armin will forever remain the best armin for me personally. Absolutely the bestest boy and friend you could ask for.

2. Artur braus: “Sasha…Yer all I hoped for.”

I’ve shed some tears exactly once the entire three times I’ve watched the series but I seriously almost lost it here as well. It was a very, very close call. Sasha is and will forever remain best girl for me and she deserves all of the good the world has to offer.

3. When gabi and falco were screaming their lungs out for Reiner and reiner just kept asking them to be quiet, and then as he transformed again he asked why they wouldn’t just let him die

This one is a bit different. The first time I watched this I didn’t really hurt but I definitely felt a sense of horror. Now I just find it really sad. You can say gabi and falco were trained candidates but specifically in that situation they were just two helpless kids desperately screaming for help and the “help” was ultimately just a guy who had pretty much given up on life because he’d already suffered too much and for too long. It’s insane.

4. When artur braus was talking about how he let Sasha become a soldier not knowing he’d eventually realize that perhaps the world was also just another kind of forest and then after he asked gabi if she was ok and she asked back if he really didn’t hate her kaya came running to kill gabi and Kaya starts screaming and crying after she fails to do so

I had whole-body goosebumps the first time I watched this. Artur and Lisa swallowing their pain and extending their compassion and Kaya struggling with so much anger and sadness were devastating.

5. Levi telling hange to give her heart before she went off to try to slow down the rumbling, her death, and then him telling her to watch over them, and then hange meeting Erwin and the rest

This is the one and only time I’ve ever cried watching the show. I wasn’t ugly sobbing or anything but this really was the heaviest, most painful thing. Exactly after I heard Erwin say “it took off” I lost it. I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever get over hange’s death. Or Erwin’s.

My top 5 best fights/action scenes in no particular order:

1. Sasha freaking fresh graduate braus running down the wall to save Samuel and then shooting the hook of her odm gear into Samuel’s lower calf

This simply isn’t talked about enough. PERSONALLY SASHA IS AND FOREVER WILL BE BEST GIRL.

2. Jean saving Connie and then Marco connie and Annie saving Jean in trost

I really liked the teamwork here and I wish we could’ve seen more of it. Also I’m not like a big fan of Marco or anything but I feel like with some time and experience he could’ve been a good leader too. Or a vice leader. I think it would’ve been interesting to see Jean and Marco work together as commander and vice commander or whatever was next in rank.

3. Everybody working together so that eren could seal the gate with the boulder

This was pretty emotional too.

4. Sasha no odm gear just massive guts and pure skill braus saving kaya

Enough said. Personally still one of the most iconic episodes in the whole gd show.

5. Keith shadis saving surma and rallying and then leading the other cadets, and Jean rallying and leading the soldiers

I absolutely loved that despite his “inferiority complex” or whatever you’d call it Keith is still a soldier and most importantly a leader and a mentor through and through. I loved that even as an older character he still underwent a learning process concerning his own identity and the world. And I’m so proud of Jean for having come so far. Is it Janbo or jeanboyyyyyyyoubetterstopbeforeistartscreamingcryingthrowingup? Also I really appreciate that they acknowledged Pyxis one last time before his death. He really was one of the goats.

My top 5 general moments/episodes in no particular order:

1. When Jean asked armin if abandoning your humanity was the only way to win, and if eren did become that monster would that really be a victory for humanity

This has really stuck with me. Jean best boy.

2. The new Levi squad (eren mikasa armin Sasha jean Connie historia) cleaning the cottage and kinda sorta goofing around and then Levi coming in and inspecting the table and then saying “I’m quite sure I gave you enough time.” lmao

The mood isn’t entirely light here but it’s light enough that they can joke around and get into petty arguments and I really wish we had more episodes like this.

3. Floch telling it like it is before the ceremony to honor their fallen comrades and eren I really can't say if it was the right decision or not jaeger asking armin "What is there beyond the walls?" trying to build his confidence and then finally shutting the hell up after recalling the gruesome death of his aunt faye

Yeah I said I wanted more moments with a lighter mood and this is anything but light, but I'd be lying if I said this wasn’t satisfying to watch. Floch's later ideals were messed up and even without that in the picture it was pretty mean on its own, telling armin that erwin should've lived instead when armin had no say in the decision, but his honesty and objectivity were refreshing. The satisfaction gained from this is still overshadowed by the sacrifices that had been made and by erwin's death, but at the very least this was included into the dialogue. Someone had to tell the truth. Seeing eren unable to continue with his nonsense was just the cherry on top. Again, this is majorly overshadowed by the fact that eren still had his way and the rumbling still happened, but at the very least it was included.

4. Sasha eating seafood/Niccolo's food for the first time

Sasha really undid years of brainwashing and racism by just being herself the beauty of her heart the power she holds SASHA BESTEST MOST LOVABLE GIRL.

5. The first time Sasha eats ice cream and Connie eats from the same ice cream and then sasha goes back to eating the ice cream again

I understand this might not be a big deal for some or maybe a lot of people, but for me this really shows how close they are and how comfortable they are with each other. Neither of them hesitated. It was just so natural for connie to say "Let me try that!" and then to just go for a bite, so natural for sasha I love food braus to extend her arm to offer the ice cream and then to eat it again. I know it's like a really, really, really small thing and maybe not even a thing at all, but it made me feel very warm inside. I've said it before and I'll say it again, how I wish the main trio of snk had been sasha jean and connie instead.

[its-zur1]

The horses gallop through the newly discovered land. The wind shoots the soldiers right in the face, hitting them with a familiar scent of salt.

They've seen salt before, they know the smell of it, but this is different. The salty aroma is much more stronger, more than they've ever felt before.

And there, they see it. The sea, the giant, never-ending pool of water - the reason they traveled all the way there.

The reason behind so many dedicated hearts.. Now they are finally worth the sacrifice.

They arrive, still on their horses, and stare. It's so beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking even. And it's real, it isn't any story from an old book full of fairy tales, it's all real, right in front of them.

Connie and Sasha are the first ones to get off of their horses, dragging Jean with them. Slowly, most of the soldiers who've survived get off too and approach it. The kids run around, screaming, giggling, laughing, splashing the water on themselves.

Yet, there are some who are still taken aback by the sight of it. As smart as Erwin may be, his mind can't quite catch up. He's done it, he realises.

A smile, a big one appears on his face, he looks like a child who was just given the finest candy, and Levi sees it. He doesn't think the man has ever looked so happy in front of others. Here, he isn't a commander. Here he is a human, just a person.

Erwin jumps right off of his horse, with Levi copying him. The blonde man then breaks into a run, out of nowhere, just sprinting down to the beach, waving his arms around in pure joy and happiness.

How childish of him, Levi thinks, even though he runs right after him, and they both go straight into the water. Erwin gasps at how cold it is, but they both quickly take their shoes off, walking right into it once again.

The sand under their feet shifts with each step they take, and Erwin can't help but feel even more excited, giggling at it. He watches small fish swim right by his feet. He looks at all the seashells, trying not to step on any.

When the water reaches his ankles, he stops, and turns around, staring right at Levi. His teeth still shine bright at him, and Levi returns the smile. Even if it is a small one, it still says everything it wants to, which is enought for Erwin.

He grabs Levi's hand, and begins walking further into the sea. He stops only when accidentally stepping on a shell, almost falling.

If it wasn't for Levi catching him, he'd be wet from head to toe. Levi's always there when Erwin needs him, and Erwin adores that so much.

They're close now, so close. The feelings, the passion, it's all there. Erwin looks around; the other scouts aren't close, not that they would be paying any attention to their captain or commander anyway, they're too busy playing, having fun.

The blonde picks up a shell, admiring how colorful it is. His sleeve is now wet, but he doesn't mind.

Levi stares at the object in Erwin's hands, at his face, and the way he observes it. Seeing Erwin this happy makes his heart flutter in his chest, makes him feel butterflies in his stomach, as if he was a teenager, falling in love for the first time.

Which he is. Although, he's fallen for Erwin long ago, but it looks like this might just be the right moment to act on it, as it finally feels like the hell they've gone through will get easier.

And perhaps one day, the two of them will get out of the hell completely, settle somewhere where the flames won't reach them. This looks like a good place. The house could be on the hill..

_____

Yes, I'm alive. I apologize for any mistakes.

[peachymilkandcream]

How does Levi makes sure that she doesn't escape when he is on an expedition?

How Levi Makes Sure She Doesn't Escape While On And Expedition

(A/N: This, this is a great question. I'm here for it. Also you guys came through my asks are filled)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

============================================

A lot of what he plans for in advance depends on the mission, how dangerous, how long, and where. There are times Erwin tries to be secretive about it and giving vague answers, but Levi is a professional at throwing his rank, reputation, status and skill behind what he wants.

Relatively short missions (1-3 days) are easily fixed to make sure she doesn't escape. In these cases he usually just ties her up to the bed, depending on her behaviour leading up to this depends how tight he ties her.

If she's been good for the most part he makes sure it's long enough she can move around the room and bathroom so she has some dignity. If she's been bad then he keeps her totally restrained to the bed and only allows a set of maids to help her do basic and daily tasks.

All of his staff are paid well to keep their mouths shut, he chooses each carefully and threatens that he will blacklist them from working anywhere else, however some suspect that Levi is capable of making sure they are taken care of permanently. Some pass this off as being overly suspicious but then again one or two of the maids and servants have been known to go missing.

Staff are meant to gauge Evelyn's behaviour and are given authority to act in his stead within reason. Each are trained with how to feel no sympathy towards Evelyn and restrain her if necessary.

Longer trips, (anything over 4 days) are a bit different, he has a rotation of staff so ensure that everyone has time off and are alert enough to keep proper watch over her. However when he's gone for that long no one is allowed to have time off, he has servants quarters for a reason and that's where they are required to stay until his return.

If Evelyn tries to bribe them they take note of it to tell Levi later and ignore her pleas and tearful requests. Levi has always paid better than anyone else since he values hard work, so constant income from him over a small bribe isn't worth it. (Evelyn usually gets punished for trying to bribe them later)

Many times in the past attempted escapes while Levi was gone were met with many of them locking her in her room until Levi returned, sliding food inside the room and leaving.

Good behaviour is rewarded with her being able to wander the mansion freely, however she will always feel eyes on her, watching her every move.

In honesty, Evelyn almost prefers Levi being home because she has the feeling that at least someone cares for her, even if it's him.

[tsuoppari-000]

To forgive and forget is a shortcut to resolution in conflict. It's insincere half of the time. They'll verbally forgive them only to hold the grudge for the full week after, but forget it the month after.

To forgive and forget is as a sample for resolution. It's child's play to forgive and forget the person who had wronged you. But is it possible to forgive and forget the things you did?

It's nearly impossible for me, a goldfish who works at the century-old library. It's hard to remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, it's hard to forget the way I decided to hang out with my friends instead of him 3 years ago.

Why dwell on the trivial things of the past? I think constantly to myself. It isn't easy to heed such words, no matter how many times I repeat it in my mind. It feels as if I'm playing two songs at the same time, one singing my worries, the other singing sweet relief to the mind. Such thoughts for the brain drug it on both stimulants and depressants. They have contradictory side effects, but they don't cancel out. You'll just suffer both of them at the same time. Imagine your heart beating slowly and rapidly at the same time. I could die just imagining it.

No matter how much I try to convince myself, "It's been done, it was a long time ago, you didn't know any better, you were still little, it's all okay, don't worry about it," I cringe horribly at the thought of those words and the scene playing in my mind. They don't help. It's like telling the paralyzed kid to "stand up" for himself against the bullies.

I do have some way around this. How so, user missing-assignments? Just don't do anything. Truly do not do anything at all. If you don't do anything, you won't do anything that might possibly plague your brain in the future. How many times have I sat there, contemplating participation in an activity, rethinking a googolplex amount of times, only to end up not doing it despite actually wanting to do it? I get the opportunity to present my opinion, that I know is ten times better than the initial plan. Screw it. What idea? What opinion? I'm fine with your idea, it's great! Very innovative!! Never done before!! Why didn't I think of that~~!!

To rethink and regret is like cancer. How many times has the average population changed their answer on the test just for the previous answer to be the correct one? I could never forget the time I had changed my answer from morphine to heroin, just for morphine to be the correct answer. Not only did the person next to me already say "It might be morphine, didn't you also write that in your notes?", I didn't believe him. I'm sorry, M.

It's hard enough to forgive myself for doing things that affected myself, what about the things I did that affected others? Or didn't. In the googolplex times I think about an action, I'll somehow convince myself that that action killed an innocent child in Africa. This is why I choose to do nothing, and say nothing. Did I fall down the stairs and break my leg? Nothing happened, and if nobody saw I'll even try to hide it. Me falling down the stairs? Was it because the stairs were freshly mopped and nobody said? Nope! I fell down the stairs because I felt like it, and please don't bring me to the hospital, that costs a lot of money and I might bankrupt our whole entire family while we're on the way to the hospital.

Dear librarian goldfish, to sit in silence does not satisfy a person. Hundreds of shelves filled to the brim with books collected over the years. The contents of each book shall become outdated one day. It's not misinformation if the book from the 1800s by John Dalton stated that atomic theory was merely made of atoms that looked like billiard balls. Now that we know of the Electron Cloud Model by Erwin Schrödinger, we can tell that John Dalton isn't entirely right. But, how could he have been immediately right, he didn't know anything else.

Dear librarian goldfish, seek advancement. Widen your horizons when given the opportunity. Fret not for worries, overcome such trivial things.

(12/7/24, missing-assignments)

[w4rningbutterflies]

part of him leans into old habits  &  expects to be pushed away.  he half expects for a quiet huff of air to come from erwin's lips, a quick pat on the back, then being released as if nothing happened.  because on the battlefield you cannot be afforded moments like this, of weakness, of comfort  ––  no, at any given moment, the world is going to be torn apart by man eating monsters that actively turn out to be people.  there is no room for softness, for the quaint moment of just being human.  there is only time for stifling hot nights around a bonfire that makes your eyes burn even as you stand at a distance because you're sacrificing lives to it in order to raise the embers.

a hand secures around his back, smooths down it.  it's more than he's gotten before  &  it's enough to make his entire body tense up, for his eyes to widen ever so slightly.  he forgets himself; erwin is different now.  he isn't bound by his own laws  &  tribulations.  he is softened at the edges by fatherhood  &  a child that is reliant on him to chase the monsters from the dark.  there is no longer a wooden man that stands before him, someone who is constantly within reach but not.  no, erwin is something different now, something mingled with who he used to be,  &  levi lets out the breath that he had been holding at the fuzzy realization of it.

he follows his body on automatic  ––  they are two magnets that are constantly pulling toward one another, trying to settle into the light space that is seldomly made.  there had been a time when even being this close was far too much; it echoes around in the space of his head as he steps between the space made for him, that puts him at a more level height with erwin.  he tucks into the space of his thighs like he was made to be there  ––  like their bodies were puzzle pieces that have finally clicked into place.  it's a heavy notation  &  it makes his mind spin; but there's something like coming home in the motion of it.

teeth bite into his bottom lip as his chest collides with erwin's own, hard planes of muscles that make his eyes flutter shut slightly, eyelashes wet as he tries to breathe through a clogged nose.  everything feels right  &  wrong all at the same time; a heavy fuzziness in his soul that pounds at gates that he's kept locked for so long, begging for them to open up.  there's been a lock on his memories for so long  &  now there's two lives clashing with another  &  it's dizzying.  but at the center of it all, there's erwin, alive  &  whole,  &  it makes every inch of him feel like he's finally alive.

soulmates were a distant principle that humans held on to to make themselves feel as if love actually exists for everyone.  levi had never thought much of it, of the stars clashing around one another  &  biting down on two people, brought together  &  made of stardust.  made for one another, carved of clay,  &  whether or not they knew it, their destinies would always be intertwined.  a red string of fate, whatever story was relevant to the person. 

but now he sees it, bright  &  shining like a streaking star in the night sky; he has been made for one person.  he has been made to feel careful, alive, fitting into the spaces where he didn't know he needed to be.  it's a centering pull in his center that latches onto the heart of a soldier, that wraps around  &  tugs, pulling in like a fishing reel until he's curled up against hard planes of a warrior that should've never had to be one. 

lips press against his brow  &  a strangled noise leaves his throat, lashes growing wetter as he shakily breathes; it leaves searing little sparks across his skin, his entire being curled around by erwin as he rests his cheek against his head.  there's a warmth that follows, that chases those sparks  &  every place that they touch  ––  it's a signal in his brain, to the whirlwind of memories that have been assaulting him for so long now.  they get the hint  &  begin to settle, quiet in their motion as they slosh to a stop; they have found that they were looking for all this time.

'i love you.'

levi's entire world stops.

his breath hitches in his chest  &  his eyes widen; he forgets how to breathe for a solid minute, mind racing with the simple three words that clash  &  ring against his skull.

for so long he has chased those three words; he has read between the lines as hard as he could, has taken at face value every time erwin has said to him that he knew how he felt.  there's only so much scribbling in a journal that can be done until the words jumble together  &  question marks are written, over  &  over again.  erwin has never been one to speak plainly; there was too much at stake back then, too much that had screamed at them to not given a weakness over to everyone else.  they were already exposed enough as a weakness,  &  the thought of inviting another one to be held against them was something that they couldn't afford.  something that erwin couldn't afford.

he had been cutthroat legacy, the need to leave something behind that would be bastardized because if he did that, then he could rationalize every single live that had been taken outside the walls.  he could rationalize the hatred  &  self loathing, could rationalize the way that he would move them all along a chessboard, seeking pieces that would fit perfectly into a plan.  it's not that he didn't care for them  ––  it's that everything had a means to an end,  &  as a commander that was slowly losing everything that he was, there was contingencies that had be set into motion even if no one else knew it but him.

he granted them the small mercies that he could; he made sure that levi wouldn't be touched by his legacy, made sure that hange would be the one to fill command.  he made sure that when he moved into position in shiganshina, he would leave it all on the table but never look back.  he would never reach his goals  &  most of his soldiers would have ridden to their death (if not all of them), but the ones that mattered the most would be spared.  levi would be taking on the beast titan  &  hange was still somewhere with the colossal, the armored.  there was safety put into place. 

&  there had been the way that that syringe had felt like it weighed a thousand pounds in his hand when floch had crested over the roof with proof that erwin had still been alive.  a living gamble, even in his own perceived death  ––  his stubborn ass wouldn't go down without a fight.

&  levi had been so tempted to sink that needle into his skin  &  bring him back to life, to breathe air into his lungs like he had seemed to breathe into his since that day in the underground.  the only thing that had stopped him was floch, ironically enough,  &  his entire speech.  the way that he had only wanted erwin to live because he was a devil, because of the crimes that he had committed. 

erwin had never been a devil, but he understands the way it looked through children's eyes, ones that couldn't understand the true impact of war because they hadn't seen it before.  it wasn't their fault  ––  they had been thrust into this all too, but levi had a chance.  he had a chance to fulfill a wish that erwin hadn't outright asked of him. 

terms  &  conditions had weighed heavily on him in that moment, the full meaning of them cascading down,  &  he had chosen arlert because it was the right thing to do.  it was the right thing to let erwin go, no matter the pain that followed him for years afterward.

returning to paradis after the war hadn't felt like coming home.  it had felt like coming to a graveyard, his graveyard.  he had been haunted by too many ghosts  &  hadn't been able to stand it.  outside of helping rebuild, he had packed his things up  &  moved to marley.  there at least the ghosts couldn't reach him. 

the only ghost he brought with him was in the form of an emerald gem on a bolo tie that was safely tucked away in his cloak from the time he was a scout.

all this time he had been chasing three simple words.  three words that erwin hadn't been able to give him, because if he had, he knew what it would've done.  it would've held all the power in his hand, heart openly beating in his palm for him to crush.  there was no salvation for a soldier in that  ––  levi always worked better when he had vengeance to atone.  erwin had done what he had to protect both of them, even if it had never felt like it. 

but now, three words hang in the air.  three words that make his ears feel like there's ringing in them.

there is no stipulation behind the three words:  'i love you, but you only love me because i'm safety', ' i love you, but you need to be more than a ruffian from the outside of town'.  no, there is just them, plain as day  &  hanging in the balance.

uri had told him time  &  time again that he needed to give erwin the choice, that if he didn't love him back in this life, then he didn't have to settle  &  could at least move on with knowing.  it had haunted levi for years, had followed him into his worst nights  &  even worse spirals. 

all his life he hadn't been chasing freedom.  he had been chasing one man  &  a simple set of three words that would make the wings of freedom worth it, make every single hardship  &  loss endured worth it.

an ugly sound leaves his lungs, punched straight from his chest as he struggles to breathe, head heavy  &  heart far too full.  it's not that levi ever hides his emotions; he has them on his sleeve, dangled  &  ready for anyone who wants to see them, he cries too easily  &  suffocates too fast, but this feels different.  this feels like an accumulation of everything that he has ever wanted being pressed into his hands  &  he doesn't know what to do with it all.

" it was absolutely your goal to leave me, you prick.  you chose to die in shiganshina.  we could've…we could've together, i don't know.  but you did leave  &  i had a chance…i had a chance to bring you back  &  i didn't.  because that's what you made me promise. "   his thoughts feel like they're clashing  &  running too fast, some of his words slurring; he's not thinking clearly, the adrenaline in him skyrocketing to heights that he didn't know he actively could reach.  but he doesn't move away from erwin  ––  he can't.  every inch of him is pressed against him, his knees weak, but he won't move.

not when he has everything he has ever wanted.  not when those words keep bouncing in his head, retracing their path  &  starting fresh again. 

levi swallows hard  &  lets them linger there for another moment, tries to get the racing in his heart back under control, tries to get himself back under control.  this isn't the calm clarity that he thought he would have going into this conversation.  he has prepared for the worst because erwin has actively shown him the worst in the past when it came to them being together.  there had always been some complication, there had always been some distance.  there hadn't been a lukewarm promise beneath it all  ––  erwin had always been clear about that.  he had set up terms  &  conditions  because it had been what had been best for them going forward, because he knew what he was asking of levi.

&  though levi had pretended to lie to himself all that time, he had known ultimately that he would let erwin go to his death if he was asked, because that's what was needed.  he has never turned erwin down when it comes down to it  ––  erwin has always held him in the palm of his hands  &  let him choose his own path, but he has guided him like bumpers onto the one that was right. 

a slow breath escapes his lips  &  he carefully maneuvers himself so that he can sit across erwin's thighs, his head pressed up against his chest to hear the hummingbird heart beat that reflects his own.  they had both been preparing for the worst in one another, to walk away from this because there had been an active choice this time.  there was no man eating monsters, no military coups.  instead, there was just them.  them in this faceted, fractured form of memories that keep assaulting them.

but his eyes flutter shut for a moment  &  he just listens.  listens to the thrumming of erwin underneath him, the way that his words rumble through his chest.  he has missed him terribly.  it's like something in him that he hadn't known was fractured has suddenly healed.  it makes his throat tighten again  &  the tears are tempted to come.

he swallows them down for the time being, turns his face a little so that he can press his nose into the fabric of erwin's shirt, the scent of his cologne settling his senses.

" i love you too, no complications. "   the words are echoed back, a promise.  a promise to look at their past  &  learn from it rather than run from it.  a promise that he won't run again, either; that he will come back again  &  again because erwin is his home, that piece that has been missing for so long.  commander or father, it doesn't matter; he would love him the same if they were in the middle of a war zone or if he kept making horrid frozen lasagna in his kitchen. 

levi lets out a slow breath  &  moves, curls his arms around erwin's neck so that he can bring his face to meet his own.  " welcome home, erwin. "

the words are breathed into the space between them  &  then levi is sealing his lips against his own, signing the contract that he has always wanted to sign, blue prints be damned.

these are his terms  &  conditions:  love me no matter what, because i will always love the devil in you just the same.

either he had been too good at imagination, or he had been the worst – because he had never been prone in childhood to casting himself into situations where he could imagine good romanticisms, sweet things & high holy days. instead, he had raised his hand once & imagined things that unveiled the weaknesses of a nation. then he had imagined himself as a real person, capable of childish connections with consequence – 

as it turns out, consequence does not prune imagination. his father had died once, died twice, & imagination keeps blooming even if it rots. 

it’s true that in the first life, erwin had predicted the things that he never lived to see. he predicted that there may be a reason that people had sought shelter behind walls, & he predicted that there was no such thing as a common enemy. but he closed his eyes sometimes in uninvited sleep & he saw demons, imagined demons. he kept swallowing concrete so that he would learn not to speak before the timing was right.

the timing was never right. there were moments stolen in a wood room, on a rooftop, in mourning aftermath that he remembers watching too much resignation & hollowness scraping at the grey of levi’s eyes – making requests that were too easily cheapened, & the timing was never right.

there had been a moment, in those conversations in which levi had conceded to beg because he knew that erwin did not expect it. then, erwin had almost allowed : in another life, yes, there is an alternative answer to these ways i cannot answer you. 

he had thought himself imaginative, juvenile at the time. because there are no such things as other lives.

he’s confronted now by misplaced gambles. he stands with levi now in a kitchen, where the most recent scars on levi’s hands are burns from mishaps with an oven & where there are older scars scattered across his body for which levi had never revealed the story.

it feels like a poorly disguised joke that they’re in another life, & he hasn’t yet quite figured out how to blend the two. he's not sure if levi has either, but he knows that levi had learned to survive him – there is little that had been articulated to erwin about the details of the so-called ackerman curse, but in truth – the curse seems dependent on the fact that it means that the ackerman outlives their partner.

in that, it’s a fairly common curse. 

still, levi had survived him – had split himself into before & after, & now he’s learning to make a split from one life into two. he had the time to remember erwin through summarized moments of all the ways that he never got to know erwin, of all the moments in which erwin represented everything that he was meant to be as a commander & as a symbol.

wood is an organic material, even when it is no longer part of living roots. on a man’s face, wood would have been even harder to recognize as natural, as living, as possible. 

erwin had been self-serving in the first life,  he parsed his life aside for shiganshina knowing that his legacy would deteriorate, knowing that there was no reason that levi should stand immune to the way that his name would oxidize into rust & crumble – after all, levi has always been organic. living & natural & equipped with such human tools such as his undeniable devotion – such as his softness that survived so much & allowed him to be brutal. these things alone were enough to inject him with the adaptability to survive hurricane winds, even if he emerged weathered & battered & tired of fucking salt waters. 

organic things are meant to deteriorate & decay. as a wooden man, erwin had reasoned that he knew levi would eventually have to decay – that his strength would have to fit new purposes. but even with the way that things would evolve, it was both a mercy & a privilege that erwin should never have to see who levi would later remember him to be. & so he had been self-serving in death.

there are no such things as other lives. & it’s only now that erwin remembers the gambles he made because he had been so certain that he was only destined for hell, for purgatory, for some type of finality that fit into a biblical kind of understanding of mortality. 

in a cafe kitchen, there’s a terrifying moment that he has to flatten his palm against the countertop to feel its inertia, as though its steadiness were an argument against the possibility that this is a type of afterlife – hell,  heaven, a limbo reminder of every decision that he never knew how to make. 

god, he is the emblem of arrogance, challenging fate so many times that it’s dizzying to watch levi assess him through the corner of his eye as though he wasn’t quite sure how to recognize him – as though erwin had miscalculated at some pivotal moment & failed to recognize that levi would be judge, jury, & executioner to him.

the metal of the countertop starts to warm beneath his hand, & it’s too much. erwin lifts his hand & lets it hang awkwardly at his side, & he blinks away old terrors to indulge a wave of disorientation. there is a memory that erwin never formed, that fell somewhere in the grey space between life & death. it feels like the origins of the paths, as they were & as they are growing to be again.

of course, the paths were another thing of which erwin had never known. yet, weeds have a habit of growing faster than cultivated life – so it makes sense, maybe, that the paths will come again.  & the two of them will continue to be meant for one another. they are meant to judge one another as much as they are meant to love & hate & ruin & save. 

but the fate-bound are not necessarily guaranteed to embody good performances. erwin a poor performer at mundane things & domesticity. he’s sometimes cruel & too defined by self-serving interests, even while he has been softened by fatherhood & gentler things – 

so it’s makes sense that levi can watch him now with his too clever eyes that cite mistrust  – the person erwin had been equips him well for running now, & there had been too many repeated patterns already in the way that levi had fallen into orbit with erwin so easily in this life, in the way that he had already seen him juggle priorities, in the way that erwin knows that levi has tried ( & failed ) to disguise the downwards lilt of his lip when it became too quickly apparent that erwin loitered in social circles that he had already tried to abandon once before, that had disparaged him.

so maybe they’re damned together to repeat the best & worst of whom they had been.

or else, maybe erwin has been damned to levi’s searching his face for cracks in wood, places where two organic creatures are separate rather than melded – there are terms & conditions in this life too, because everything that they had been had been contingent on surviving & adapting skills to survive. 

it’s likely that the biggest betrayal erwin committed against levi was making him understand that he was not eternal & that he could go mute too. but that had been a matter of survival too. that had been the ackerman curse.

he doesn’t yet remember how things had ended, but he remembers ultimatums & mountains of corpses & he remembers certainty that he had chosen levi’s life, & that it hadn’t been a difficult choice.

there are few decisions that come to erwin with difficulty.  even now. he’s ruthless in a way that doesn’t fit well into the domesticity of cafe walls & the stickiness of bryn’s hands & the smell of sugar hanging in the air. ruthless in the way that he relies so heavily on intuition to lace together understandings of macro-level strategy games & the cumbersome truth that the way that they had once been small men fighting against titanic creatures, offshoots of someone’s gods. 

of course he knows that three kisses had been indulgances in drinking poison before betrayal. he knows that it hurt, & he knows that he hurt, & he knows that he has too much tolerance for pain. but he knows that it had been necessary, that he had been showing too many lapses in judgment. without lapsed judgement, he wouldn’t have promised three kisses. indulgences make ends harder to understand, sometimes. 

but still – he can’t bring himself to regret what had transpired. it had felt like the only option at the time.

decisions come easy to erwin, even though he knows that they have come at a cost. 

of course, now he is bloodied by the costs of decisions he had no way to anticipate in an easier life. now he understands his own shortcomings better & knows the reasons that he could be ruinous. 

there had been no such thing as alternative lives, & now there are. 

levi had told him he wasn’t supposed to remember. he was supposed to be happy & oblivious, because these are things that had been inconsistent with whom erwin had been before. levi asks him if he’s still interested in pursuing them in this life – as the men they are. 

& erwin answers honestly. it’s an easy decision. i’m quite proud of your cafe, you know. there are no complications for me. i still want to continue pursuing something, & that is your decision.

but if levi asked erwin to explain why happy & oblivious were never a part of him in either life — erwin could only offer a lacking argument. likewise, if levi asked him what erwin could offer him ( things that aren’t ruinous ) – erwin could only offer a lacking argument.

bryn is the best of him, & levi has historically been the best of him. they make him less self-ruinous, & that’s self-serving. so it’s not a good enough rationale.

erwin is born of hard decisions made easy, of knowing that there is a cost. intuition promises the two of them will continue to be meant for one another. they are meant to judge one another as much as they are meant to love & hate & ruin & save. 

even if there is little that erwin can offer him, they are already intertwined. erwin already loves him, just as he had loved him before. he has no complications that would inhibit loving him more – it’s a terrible tendency of erwin’s sometimes, to believe that ruin is not a strong enough force to make love any less. 

ruin is enough, however, to corrode trust beyond repair. 

levi keeps searching his face for cracks, for wood — for evidence that erwin is not who he was. if there is too much of him ( as he was )  in his features, then he is impossible to trust. then any magnitude of love that erwin may have once felt ( & feels now ) becomes negligible — he cannot be believed. 

for weeks now, erwin has answered memories with a factual sort of processing & relief. decisions come easy to him, & so too do catastrophes. he’s got hurricane winds contained within his ribcage, & so natural disaster rarely surprises him away from the demands made of him. 

for weeks now, it has been a matter of steeling himself – of burning bryn’s dinner on the stove, of making passing conversation with their mother when bryn demanded to sit with him as they facetimed, of trading favors with mike, who erwin knows does not remember & still . . . mike had known him before he had turned chimera.

for weeks now, it’s been quiet. 

it is levi’s turn at the drawing board, & it is true that erwin likes to see him there. it’s another type of factual processing & relief, even while this positioning is unfamiliar. erwin is accustomed to control, accustomed holding himself in tight enough command so that he avoids splintering – 

across two lives, he is bad at trust, too. still, levi has won him. 

for weeks now, it’s been quiet.

but it’s only now that erwin feels that it’s possible the ground may disappear from beneath him. levi is judge, jury, & executioner because he has been damned alongside erwin. it makes him uncertain whether levi will ever be able to believe him – if that’s the cost of old betrayals & remembering, even if levi has seen more versions of honesty now than erwin had ever managed to grant him before.

there had been no such thing as alternative lives, & now there are. 

even though erwin is good with crisis, he still frays. he laughs when he confesses the ways in which he is not eternal, he is wearing thin, & he cannot deny that he has been appreciative of the energy between them & how it has kept him alive. 

this habit is not new. he laughed sometimes in the privacy of his office when he signed papers of carnage. he laughed to himself at the loss of his arm, & he had laughed in the aftermath of a wood room.

still, laughter deflates him, & levi tries to keep with the mundanity of their conversation. don't be proud of it yet.  it's not starbucks level at all but it'll do.  as long as yeager stops making eyes at armin  &  does his work, he says — but levi has seen cracks in wood, it seems.  something gruff catches at the back of his throat & makes him sound strangled.

it takes erwin off guard because it always does, because he had been steeped in quiet for weeks, because he has been steeling himself for ruin & consequences. 

he hadn’t been steeling himself for the way that levi falls into him & shoves his heart back into erwin’s hands. 

erwin isn’t sure what to do with it. organic things decay, but this is proof that even so, levi has never been made less. even as his shoulders shudder as he presses his cheek to erwin’s chest, as he folds his arms around his waist, as he holds onto a man rather than a ghost. 

decisions come easily to erwin, & so do catastrophes. he harbors hurricane winds in his chest, & levi carries the adaptability to survive hurricane winds, even if he emerged weathered & battered & tired of fucking salt waters. 

but regardless, hurricanes hurt. they scrape erwin raw, & they leave levi as a sole survivor. 

so erwin folds his arm around levi’s waist & smooths his hand over the expanse of his back as he had once before in a memory with an ending that had been predetermined. 

this type of hurt is disorienting in the way that it shoves rocks down his throat & reminds him of things that are hard to swallow. it burns at his chest, & it makes him squeeze his eyes shut long enough to remind himself to breathe – 

breath is enough to make thing a little more clear, to step back enough to sit back on the uncomfortable kitchen stool & make enough space between his legs in which levi can press closer & find a space in which he can fit.

so erwin listens to staggered & stuttered breaths that can only follow wet eyes. he listens confessions curled around grief & old accusations & devotions that never died. 

it’s an overwhelming realization that levi had remembered him humanely after his death. i’ve missed you, he says, as though erwin hadn’t betrayed him. you fucking left,  & i had to sit with that for so long, & as though they were always meant for this type of reunion – 

as though levi continued to trust him, as though he had refused to let ruin be a good enough argument to make old trust unrecognizable. 

he presses his lips to levi’s brow to soothe shudders, & it’s an overwhelming realization – so he can’t bring himself to pull back, so he presses his cheek against the top of levi’s head & feels acutely that he had wounded himself, too, in the distance he had set between them before. 

it had been necessary; it came at a cost. it makes it hard to remember all the ways that erwin had been self-serving. 

there had been a moment, in those conversations in which levi had conceded to beg because he knew that erwin did not expect it, that erwin had almost allowed : in another life, yes, there is an alternative answer to these ways i cannot answer you. 

so it is opportune now, that he may press his lips against levi’s head again & answers a request without hesitation, without context, without conditions.  

‘ i love you, ‘  he murmurs, & it’s a private thing offered with simplicity stapled into it, no matter pending blueprints. 

his hand curls around levi’s waist & secures him there.

‘ it was never my goal to leave you. nor to give you reason to miss me. though, maybe worse than that, i did ask things of you that i couldn’t have done myself - if you had . . . left, then i wouldn’t have managed to sit with that. my functionality would have deteriorated, & i would have deteriorated. just . . . so you know that i wasn’t unaffected. ‘ 

he would have deteriorated. & his success had been contingent on the repeated assertion that he was replaceable – & that did not permit him to live beyond his usefulness. terms & conditions were set so that levi could prepare for hurricanes, so that erwin could continue serving his function, existing in one piece, so that he would not fracture & release hurricane winds.

cold things crack when they are exposed to sudden heat. levi had the power to make erwin fracture. he still has that power.  he represents a lot of good where there had been little space for good, for coaxing good out of wood.

erwin purses his lips & concedes a promise : ‘ no complications. ‘ 

because he might prove to be ruinous, but it is easy to make this decision. even if it is self-serving. it is not hard to gamble on levi. 

[arminsumi]

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🐚 ꒱ BEYOND THE SEA

Armin x fem!reader

Chapter index / Chapter Ⅳ: Farewell

Overview; the eve of the Scout's farewell party. Contents; 1940s au, fluff, romance, drama

Warnings; angst, tragedy

TAGLIST; @sad-darksoul @crazychaoticizzy @ringsofsaturnnnn

DM in my askbox to be added to taglists! 💕

Asking you to attend the Scout's farewell party was incredibly bold and risky, given the circumstances between you and Armin as well as the turbulent climate between Eldians and Marleyans at the time.

But the Lieutenant was excited – boyishly excited. His eyes had a sparkling quality about them that had once been lost.

When the eve of the Farewell party came, Armin craned his neck around searchingly; all the graceful dancers and tumbling drunkards created a loud and inviting atmosphere in the Scout's old headquarters. What better place to have a party than an old, grand castle?

The splendorous environment was wasted on the Lieutenant, who longed for the company of a particular nurse...

"Armin," Eren spoke to get Armin's attention, "Stop extending your neck like a goose. The Commander is approaching us." he said. "Right, sorry." Armin replied, ceasing his futile search for your face in the crowd.

"Not fond of dancing?" the Commander asked as he approached them, Levi at his side. "Not really, Sir." Eren replied.

"But young men like yourselves should be dancing the night away. Save your seriousness for the frontlines." the Commander said. Eren only shrugged, and Armin only wanted to dance if it was with you.

They held simple conversation with the Commander and the Captain, but Armin's attention was snatched by your entrance. You strode into the party from across the room, arm-locked with Maggie, clad in a dress that drove Armin's senses wild. He had to draw in a steadying breath.

As you wove through the crowd to the place where Armin and the others were gathered, Armin overheard a snippet of your banter with Maggie that amused him.

"Y/n, don't pull that expression!"

"What expression?"

"The expression of an old woman who's yearning for her doting Lieutenant."

"An old woman!? Oh, Maggie, with how much you insult me, it's amazing that we're still friends."

Armin smiled.

Commander Erwin noticed Armin's lacking attention. "Lieutenant, has something distracted you?" he asked. Armin nearly jumped.

"No, sir!" he replied quickly.

Erwin knew exactly what had caught his soldier's eye. "Don't just stand and stare; go ask the young miss to dance." he said.

Armin acted a fool, "The young miss?" he questioned.

"The one you have eyes for." Erwin said, "Nurse Y/n is her name, am I right?"

Armin went pink. "Yes sir, she is Nurse Y/n."

Connie laughingly ragged on Armin about embarrassing himself with the Commander. "You thought you could fool the mastermind?" Connie pointed out. "Anyways, who is this young miss that you have eyes for?" he teased Armin.

You had already taken to the dance floor with Maggie. Armin waited, wading through the partiers, looking much like a sailor lost at sea. His eyes lit up when you emerged, breathlessly, with Maggie from the dance floor; "Lieutenant!" you called for him, immediately joining his group of Eren, Connie and a famous soldier who you had only known by name before: Mikasa.

Armin fell into your charm right away. "Nurse Y/n – and Maggie – I'm so glad to see the two of you here tonight." he said politely, trying not to give your dress another desirous look-over.

Though Armin was eager to swing onto the dance floor with you, he patiently participated in a long and arduous group conversation. Finally, Maggie piped up, "Lieutenant, why are you not dancing? You have the perfect partner standing right next to you, and she seems bored stiff."

You stuttered and scolded Maggie for being too forward, but Armin felt immense appreciation for her forwardness; he couldn't have asked you himself. He felt too boyish about it.

Just before he took to the dance floor with you, he caught a snippet of a conversation between the Commander and the Captain who were idly drinking champagne nearby;

"Levi, don't be like that. They're just young lovers sharing one last night of bliss. Let them have it."

Armin felt his heart panging in his chest.

For you and Armin, at the time, it was frowned upon to hold hands, yet he held yours tight. It was frowned upon to dance, yet he swayed with you. It was frowned upon to be too close to one another, yet you and him were cheek-to-cheek.

Maybe those reasons made it all the more exhilarating.

In a book written about you and Armin decades later, Mikasa wrote; the Lieutenant and Nurse Y/n were forbidden from loving each other, yet there they were that night; looking at each other with a shared tenderness. It was beautiful to witness their love before it was tainted with shame and tragedy.

"Oh, Eren! Why are you not dancing? It's so much fun." you asked, as you and Armin emerged from the dance floor.

Armin chuckled, "You will never get him to dance." he said. "Is that so?" you looked at Eren.

Maggie piped up, "How miserable! You have the opportunity to dance with a dozen different beauties tonight, yet here you sit?"

Eren bore a stony expression at her, so Armin parroted the Commander's words to him; "Save your seriousness for the frontlines and have some fun tonight, Eren."

"Yes! Come on, join us." you encouraged him, adding: "You need to make good memories while you have the chance."

Armin contemplated why you might have said that. And then he responded, "Exactly, we need memories of a heavenly night like this to reminisce on when we're thrown into hell."

"That's true." you looked at him meaningfully.

He looked at you with a sort of glad melancholy that only a soldier could have at a farewell party.

Just before going to dance, Armin heard you let out a dreadful gasp.

"My father! Oh, what is he doing here?" you panicked, wringing your hands anxiously. Armin felt the urge to reach out and hold them.

Perhaps it was scandalous – even a bit cowardly – to grab your arm and make a break for it across the crowd. "Let's go." he said. "Let's 'go'?" you questioned.

In a flash of childlike naughtiness, the two of you escaped your approaching father; he did not even see a strand of your hair as you snuck away right under his nose with the Lieutenant.

The forbiddingness of it all made it all the more exhilarating, though neither of you addressed nor admitted it to yourselves or each other.

"I must say, it's quite unbecoming of the Head Chief's daughter to be running away with the Commander's best soldier." you laughed breathlessly.

You and Armin panted after running out the castle to the courtyard fountain. A long path stretched out to meet an overgrown garden.

"Soldier?" Armin teased you, "What happened to 'Lieutenant'?"

Your eyes glittered at him. "I'm sorry, my Lieutenant." The moon made you two feel drunk, or maybe it was just the aftereffect of narrowly escaping your condemning father.

From afar, you could hear the ballroom resounding with joy and laughter. It faded away, the symphonic night creatures overriding it. The both of you quietly marveled the entrance to the garden; it was like a labyrinth made just for lovers who needed privacy.

"This castle used to be the old Scout's headquarters." Armin told you as you and him entered through the rusted gates. "My first mission as a Scout was to clean the whole damn thing, head to toe."

"Really!" you laughed, "That sounds like a dangerous first mission for a kid to take on." you teased.

Armin nodded, "Yeah, it was quite frightening."

The two of you found a spot under a wildly growing oak tree; the overgrowth of daisies caught Armin's eye, and he went over to them to pluck one for you.

Armin wasn't a confident man, not even in his prime; he realized in old age that he really just faked his confidence until he believed he was confident. A forced courage ran through his veins on the eve of the Farewell party, because he thought this was the last night he would see you in months, maybe even years. Of course, it wasn't, but you have to understand that at the time, when war was knocking on the doorstep, everything felt hopeless and bleak, even during moments of bliss.

Though time was flowing as fast to him as it does when observing an hourglass' sand running down, Armin tried his best to savor every moment. He let nothing take his eyes off of you.

"Lieutenant, I'm disappointed. You've been staring at me all night and yet you haven't made one comment on my dress." you teased him.

He held back a smile in a futile attempt to remain somewhat soldierly and formal. "Well, all night, I've been wondering how I should tell you that you look divine." he replied truthfully.

You felt warmth across your cheeks, tingling on the crown of your ears.

A small silence passed.

"Maggie and I spent a whole day resewing them. Ah and for what... it doesn't frame my figure well at all." you said dejectedly.

"Actually, I think it frames your figure perfectly." Armin said, voicing his mind.

You stuttered. "Oh my..."

He went pink in the face. "I'm sorry! That was too forward of me..." he said and shamefully lowered his gaze.

"It's alright." you smiled at him.

Something in the air changed. The privacy of the garden brought an intimate stillness over the two of you.

A long silence passed.

"My father didn't want me to come tonight." you said quietly, lowering your head in shame.

You and him drew as close to each other as you desired. No prying eyes were there to judge.

You added, "He and I had a fight this morning. My father's completely condemned us." you said, emphasizing 'us' enough for Armin to understand.

He heard how your throat constricted as you spoke. There was so much he wanted to say but either he couldn't or he didn't know how to.

"Lieutenant..." you whispered, stifling a small sob. He brought you closer, damning your father in his head – never aloud, he had too much respect to speak ill of him to your face.

"It's okay." Armin reassured you, drawing closer to your wettened face. "We'll keep this a secret." he said, and stroked stray tears off your cheeks.

His touch was a cooling contrast against your hot cheeks; it reminded you of dipping your hand in a river during hot Marleyan summers as a child.

You laughed through your tears, "Oh, Lieutenant, I really shouldn't let myself be enamored by you. What if you die out there? Would your soul even be able to rest peacefully?"

Armin looked at you contemplatively, remaining silent for a while before speaking again. "If I die, it will be alright, because I will die with this memory of you. And that's all I could want."

He pressed a kiss to your quivering lips.

[shiftingparadise]

Hi! Sorry in advance for this long request. I was wondering if I could request a story where levi and reader have been in a relationship for over a year. Reader is also a squad leader in the scouts. She finds out that she’s pregnant and is so happy about the news and goes to tell levi excitedly. However, once levi finds out he isn’t as happy as the reader hoped he would be. He doesn’t think he deserves to have a child given his rough upbringing (never met his father, kenny raised him to be a killer, etc) and especially doesn’t want to bring a child into a world filled with titans where survival is always questionable. Levi tells reader to get rid of the child but she fights back and tells him of the future they could have together: having a big family and a beautiful house, etc. Things spiral out of control and a huge argument leads to them breaking up. They grow distant over the coming weeks and begin avoiding each other. One night reader tries to reach out to levi again but he is still adamant about his choice. The next day reader goes to erwin and resigns from the scouts without telling levi and moves away to a small village to raise the child. A year or so passes and the reader has given birth and has been raising the child on her own until one day titans break the wall and start attacking her village. The scouts urgently rush to the village (unbeknownst that the reader and child is there) and quickly eliminate the titans. In the end, one of levis squad members sees the reader being rushed to the infirmary (critical condition but alive) with the child beside her. When levi hears of this, he rushes after her to find her awake and now safe with a child that looks so much like him. They make up and levi decides to be there for both reader and the child and do right by them by trying to be the best father he could think of. (Sorry again for the super long request. Kinda got lost in my thoughts. Love your writing!!)

Thank you for your beautiful request, I really enjoyed writing this one 🥺✨. Sorry it took so long! I hope you like it :) (I like it when you guys send in long requests, that way I can make sure I stick to your ideas as close as possible!)

Word Count: 6131

‘I have to train my cadets’, you smiled at Levi, ‘And you need to go over some of those reports’. You pointed at the files that were neatly stacked on his desk. Levi rolled his eyes, ‘Tch, I guess you’re right. I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t read those reports by tonight’. Levi sat down behind his desk, looking at the reports in front of him. ‘Hange will kill you’, you smirked at your boyfriend, ‘She’s been dying to discuss Eren’s progress with you’. Levi sighed in response, ‘Ai, Hange’s been driving me crazy. She walked up to me when I was taking a piss. She didn’t even notice, talking about those damn Titans’, Levi looked up at you with his cold stare. 

You giggled. You knew how Hange could be. She was a bit intrusive, but that’s who she was. She was passionate, and not afraid to express herself. You’d always admired her for that. 

‘I need to go, my cadets are probably waiting’, you headed over to Levi’s desk, leaning over it to give him a quick kiss, ‘Love you’. ‘Love you too’, Levi replied softly while browsing through the reports. 

The two of you started dating a little over a year ago, but he didn’t say stuff like that until recently. You did though, all the time, but you knew him. Levi always had a hard time opening up and showing his vulnerable side. You never minded it, he showed that he loved you in many other ways, but still… When Levi told you he loved you for the first time, you were happier than ever. 

Levi woke up in the middle of the night, calling out your name. He had a nightmare where you died. When you explained to him that you were fine, that it was all just a dream, he told you how afraid he was to lose you, how much you meant to him and how much he loved you. It melted your heart when you heard him say it. His voice was still rough, his face nestled between your shoulders and neck, holding you tightly. You’ll never forget that moment. 

---

‘Go on, keep running’, you smiled at Connie, ‘If you’re going to talk back, you need to face the consequences, like the man you are’, you smirked at him. 

You suddenly felt nauseous, everything started to spin. Without any warning, you quickly turned around, throwing up on the ground. 

‘H-huh?’, you could hear one of your cadets running towards you, ‘A-are you alright?’. ‘Y-yeah, I’m fine Armin, thank you’, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. You could feel your cadets looking at you, ‘Keep running everyone, I’m fine’, you swung with your arm behind you. ‘Armin, I’m not feeling well. I’m going to Hange, I’ll ask her to take over for me. In the meantime, make sure Yeager and Jean don’t kill each other’. You could hear them bickering behind you. 

---

‘Y/N?’, you could hear Levi grunting out your name, ‘A-are you alright?’. You were hovering over the toilet in the bathroom that was attached to the room you shared with Levi. ‘I-I’m fine, I’m just sick’, you said before throwing up again. You could hear Levi’s footsteps approaching, ‘N-no please’, you held out your arm, signaling him to stay away, ‘I want to be alone right now’. ‘I’m taking you to a doctor’, Levi’s voice sounded worried. You’d been throwing up all week, you didn’t know what was going on. ‘N-no Levi, it’s just a –‘, ‘You’re throwing up, again. We’re going, whether you like it or not’. 

You didn’t try to change his mind. Whenever Levi had made his decision, it was futile to try and change it. After you got dressed, Levi helped you in the carriage, taking you to the city to see a doctor. 

‘I want to go alone’, you looked at Levi, who was already getting out of the carriage. ‘Why?’, he tilted his head. ‘I just want to go alone, I’m fine, really’, you hopped out of the carriage, ‘See? I’m fine’, you smiled. ‘Tch, I’ll wait here’. You could see he wasn’t happy, but you had the feeling you knew what was ‘wrong’ with you. You skipped your period, you had to throw up all the time, you felt these cramps in your abdomen, … You’d be lying if you said that it didn’t cross your mind. 

--- 

You were pacing around in the cafeteria, unsure what to do. You couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t lay down next to Levi without breaking the news to him. You were happy, and excited, but you wanted to tell Levi tomorrow, after you had the chance to think about it. To let it all sink in. You were going to be a mother, Levi was going to be a father… You’d always wanted this, and even if the timing was a bit off, you were so grateful for this. 

‘Levi?’, you slowly entered the room, the first rays of the sun were shining through the bedroom window. You’d stayed up all night, thinking about how to tell him. You decided to just go for it and tell him without hesitating. You were nervous, to say the least. ‘What’s wrong kid? You’ve been gone the whole night. You know I can’t sleep well when you’re not with me’, he slowly sat up, looking out of the window. ‘I’m sorry’, you carefully sat down next to him, ‘but I have to tell you something’. ‘What?’, Levi looked at you with his cold gaze, ‘Haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time’. You chuckled, ‘That’s because I’ve never been happier’, ‘I know, it must be great to have such an amazing boyfrie-‘, ‘Oh stop it!’, you softly pushed him, ‘I’m serious Levi, I need to tell you something’. ‘What?’, he frowned. ‘I’m pregnant’, you smiled at him, ‘We’re going to have a baby’, you sat down on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck, ‘You’re going to be a dad’. ‘What?’, his voice sounded rough, eyes locked on yours. You desperately looked for any form of happiness on his face, but all you could see was a cold stare. ‘I-I’m pregnant’, you whispered while placing yourself next to him. 

For a couple of minutes, there was complete silence. Your heart was shattered when you noticed how Levi didn’t share the same happiness as you. You knew he would be surprised, but you never expected him to react like this. 

‘Are you going to keep it?’, Levi didn’t look at you. ‘What?’, you looked at him, a lump started to form in your throat. ‘Are you going to keep it?’, he repeated himself, still not looking at you. ‘Of course!’, you quickly replied, ‘Why would I get rid of it?’, it was getting harder not to cry. ‘Tch’, Levi gritted his teeth while getting out of bed, ‘Because I can’t be a dad Y/N, I just can’t’, he finally looked at you. ‘I don’t know how to, I never had one. You know I’m not cut out to be a father’. You didn’t respond, all you could feel was an overwhelming sensation of sadness, making it hard for you to breathe. You were frozen on the bed, just looking at your boyfriend yelling at you. 

‘I-I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve that kind of life. Everyone that has ever gotten close to me, they all..’, Levi looked at the ground, balling his fists, ‘And in this world… How can we raise a child in this cruel world?’. You could hear his voice break. 

Normally, you wanted to comfort him whenever that happened but now… Well, you didn’t know what you felt, but you were angry and sad at the same time. You felt disappointed, but could you blame him? How could you expect him to be happy? You knew he never wanted this, but still… You thought that whenever you would get pregnant, he would be happy. 

‘I won’t raise a kid in this cruel world, Y/N, I just won’t. I don’t want to worry if my kid will be the next meal of a filthy titan. I don’t want them to grow up behind these damn walls!, ‘What do you want?’, you said quietly, your voice never sounded so fragile. ‘I want you to get rid of it’, he whispered. 

You couldn’t believe that Levi would say something like that. You just couldn’t. 

‘You’re only thinking about the bad things, you always do!’, you got out of bed, arms firmly wrapped around your stomach. ‘We can leave the scouts, get a nice home. We can have a family Levi’, you sobbed, ‘We can have a nice, peaceful life. Just us, our kids…’. ‘Kids?’, Levi placed his hands in his hair, ‘Fuck Y/N! You’re already thinking about more when I just told you that I don’t want kids?’. ‘Don’t you have any empathy? This is also your child, you know that right?’, you walked over to him, ‘It’s not like I did this by myself!’. ‘You’re not keeping it, end of discussion’, Levi lowered his voice, eyes fixed on yours. ‘That’s not your decision. This is my body, I’m not killing our fucking child!’, you pushed him. 

Levi didn’t react, instead, he kept looking at you with his cold gaze. ‘I can’t believe you’re acting like this. I thought you would be happy… But you’re just an emotionless piece of shit! I thought you were different, I thought you cared about me… but you would never say such things if you did’. 

You looked at the man in front of you. Suddenly, he felt like a stranger. His crescent moon eyes didn’t seem as beautiful as they once did, they felt cold. 

‘Say something!’, you pushed him again, causing him to take a step backward. Again, no response. ‘You’re a fucking coward. There’s no love inside that cold heart of yours. I was wrong to think that there was…’, you walked closer to him, ‘You truly are a monster’. ‘Enough’, Levi looked at the ground, ‘You’re calling me cold, heartless… But what about you? How can you be so selfish? How can you give birth to a child in a world like this? In a world where we're just meals for fucking Titans. In a world where no one can promise us a tomorrow. Look around you Y/N!’, Levi grabbed your arm, ‘How many of your cadets have died? How heartbroken were you? Can you imagine what their parents must’ve felt like?’, he waited for an answer, but you didn’t give him one. ‘Tch, you’re even agreeing with me…’, Levi let go of your arm, ‘You’re the cold and heartless one. You have no right to give birth to a child in this wo-‘, ‘Fuck you Levi’, you gritted through your teeth, ‘You are a piece of shit’, you turned around, walking towards the door. ‘I don’t want you near me ever again. You didn’t want this, us…’, you placed a hand on your stomach, looking at it. 

You thought Levi would stop you, or at least try… but he didn’t. 

‘You’re right Y/N, I never wanted that child, and I’ll never will’, he said barely loud enough for you to hear him. ‘Then you don’t want me either’, you whispered, hand already placed on the doorknob. ‘Ai, I guess so’, Levi sat back down on the bed, back facing towards you. ‘Fine’, you chuckled with tears in your eyes, ‘You’re going to die alone, you know that right? With not one person that cares about you. You’re just a miserable prick, wallowing in self-pity… I never thought you were a coward Levi, but you’ve proven me wrong today’. 

And at that moment you truly did. You hated him, more than you could ever hate anyone. How could he act like this? He didn’t even try to talk about it… He made his decision from the moment you told him. 

--- 

‘Oi Y/N’, Hange sat down next to you. You were sitting on the ground, sipping from your tea, while you watched your cadets train. ‘Hm?’, you looked at her. 

Her ponytail seemed a little messier than usual, indicating that she’d been experimenting with Eren. She always started to pull on her hair when she got excited, causing you to smile every time. 

‘I haven’t seen you with Levi in quite some time’, Hange looked at you, ‘Is everything alright? He seems even more distant than usual…’, she scratched the back of her head. 

You hadn't told anyone other than Levi that you were pregnant. At first, when you thought Levi would be happy, you couldn’t wait to tell Hange, Erwin, your cadets,… But now, after everything, you just couldn’t.

You looked back at your cadets, letting out a deep sigh, ‘No, we’ve broken up’. ‘What?!’, Hange’s eyes widened, ‘B-but Levi… He would never get into a relationship if he didn’t think it would last…’. You closed your eyes. You missed Levi. You missed his scent, his voice, his touch,… 

For the past few weeks, you’d been avoiding each other. Making sure you weren’t in the same room together. Even when Erwin held a meeting, Levi never showed up. Since Erwin didn’t mention it, you were sure Levi told Erwin that you weren’t together anymore. Still, you knew Levi told no one you were pregnant, otherwise, Erwin or Hange would’ve asked you about it. 

‘Hange, Erwin needs you’, you widened your eyes, heart beating fast. It was Levi’s voice. For the first time in weeks, you heard his soft voice.

You wanted to smile, to be happy, because you missed his voice more than anything, but you couldn’t. There was no reason for you to smile. You kept your gaze locked on your cadets. 

‘H-huh?’, Hange looked up to the Captain. Levi was staring at you, you could feel it. ‘A-ai, I’ll go’, Hange got up without saying anything. Levi didn’t move, you could feel his eyes burning in the back of your head. ‘What?’, you whispered, ‘You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, no need to stare at me now’. 

You thought he would respond, that he would say something, even if it was just his familiar ‘tch’, but he didn’t. You could hear his footsteps disappearing in the distance. It all seemed so easy for him. It felt like he didn’t care, like he didn’t miss you at all. 

‘Levi’, you yelled without thinking, without knowing why. You noticed you were suddenly standing, looking at Levi walking away. Levi stopped, he looked over his shoulder at you, ‘What?’. His voice sounded rough, unfamiliar. You widened your eyes, your nails were digging into the soft skin of your hands.

You could see Levi felt more tired than usual. The bags underneath his eyes revealed the lack of sleep, just like his voice revealed his sadness. You could see he missed you too.

‘C-can we talk tonight?’, you desperately asked. Levi shrugged his shoulders, but you could see he was relieved you’d asked. ‘Ai, I’ll see you after dinner’, and just like that Levi started walking again. 

--- 

You slowly knocked on the door of his office. Unsure of what you were going to say, you’d hope Levi would start the conversation. A part of you thought he’d maybe changed his mind. 

‘Who is it?’, ‘It’s me’, you softly replied while slowly opening his door. ‘Oh Y/N’, his crescent-shaped eyes were hanging low, ‘Sit down, please’, he gestured to the chair that was standing in front of his desk. ‘I don’t want to sit down’, you chuckled, ‘I’m not one of the cadets, I’m not a stranger Levi’. 

You didn’t know why it was already hard to talk. You told yourself over and over again that you weren’t going to cry, but seeing how Levi treated you, it made you feel like you were nothing. 

‘I never said you were a stranger’, his eyes finally met yours. You hated yourself for looking so weak and fragile. You knew Levi would see the pain in your eyes. You didn’t want that, you wanted to look strong, to show him you didn’t need him. ‘You’ve been treating me like one over the past few weeks’, a tear streamed down your cheek. ‘Please stop crying’, Levi got up from his desk and walked towards you, softly wiping the tear from your cheek. His touch made you shiver, you wanted more. You wanted everything to go back to the way it was. ‘Have you thought about it?’, you softly asked, eyes fixed on the ground, arms placed firmly around your stomach. Levi sighed, ‘Y/N I don’t know what to tell you… I miss you, I want you to be by my side again but…’. You chuckled, ‘You want me to get rid of our child, right?’, you took a step back. ‘You’re selfish for raising a child in this cruel world’, his voice broke through your little bubble of hope. ‘You haven’t changed your mind at all, have you?’, you said calmly. There was no point in yelling, no point in arguing. You made up your mind as well. Levi shook his head. 

A minute passed. The two of you were just standing there, unable to look at each other. You let your eyes wander over the man you loved. You carefully took in every detail. The way his eyes were hanging low, the way his hands were hanging next to his body, the way his hair looked messy for once. A sad smile appeared on your face. 

You carefully walked up to him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek, ‘It’s fine, you don’t have to feel bad. I know you do. You made your decision, but I made mine as well. I hope you’ll find happiness Levi, I really do’, you could hear your voice break. Without a warning you threw your arms around him, ‘I don’t know why you made this decision, why you decide to throw away this happiness… But I don’t blame you’, you sobbed into his shoulder. Hoping you’d remember this feeling, the feeling of his arms around your waist, his scent, … ‘I’ll see you around’, you whispered, before pulling away and walking out the door. You knew Levi wouldn’t respond, so you didn’t wait for one. 

You didn’t sleep that night. You were too busy getting all your stuff into a suitcase. Even though you didn’t have much, the weight of the memories on your belongings made it hard for you to put them in that suitcase. 

‘Erwin?’, you knocked on the Commander's door. ‘Ai, come in’, his voice sounded stern, like always. ‘I want to talk to you about something’, you kept standing in front of the door. ‘What’s wrong?’, Erwin walked towards you. ‘I’m leaving’, you looked at your Commander, your friend. ‘Leaving?’, Erwin frowned, ‘Ai, I’m resigning’. Erwin carefully grabbed both of your shoulders, ‘Y/N, I know your breakup with Levi must be tough, but you can’t le-‘, ‘I’m pregnant’, you interrupted him. Erwin widened his eyes, ‘From Levi?’, ‘Of course’, you chuckled, ‘B-but he doesn’t want the same’, you gritted your teeth. Erwin let out a deep sigh, ‘I’m sorry Y/N’, he pulled you close to him, ‘I hope you find your happiness elsewhere, you deserve it’. 

You’d known Erwin for so long now. He’d seen you cry many times, but he never hugged you, not once. It caught you off guard, but it felt good to finally have some comfort, to finally tell someone. 

‘Please, don’t tell anyone’, you sobbed, ‘I’m leaving tonight, I don’t want anyone to know’. ‘I won’t’, Erwin slowly let go of you, ‘Promise me you’ll take good care of yourself’. 

--- 

‘Oi’, you quickly called your cadets to you after dinner. The sun was setting, your stuff was already sitting in a carriage. ‘What’s wrong Y/N?’, Sasha looked at you. 

This was the hardest part. Saying goodbye to your cadets. They were like your children, you loved every single one of them. 

‘I’m leaving’, you softly said. ‘W-what?!’, Jean immediately stepped up to you, ‘You can’t, we need you!’. ‘I don’t have a choice’, you looked at your cadets, you could see how surprised they were. ‘You always have one!’, Connie yelled. You smiled at their innocence, ‘I can’t raise a kid here, can I?’. ‘Y-you’re pregnant?’, Sasha looked at your stomach, you nodded. ‘W-what about Levi?’, Jean looked at the ground. ‘Levi’s staying here, you’ll be joining his squad. He’ll make sure nothing will happen to you’, you said sadly. 

You made Erwin promise that your cadets joined Levi’s squad and that Levi would take care of them. You’d never forgive yourself if anything happened to one of your cadets. 

‘I’ll miss you’, once again a lump had formed in your throat, ‘I need to go now, promise me you’ll be safe, I’ll never forgive myself if anything happened to one of you’. 

--- 

Later that evening, Levi could hear one of your cadets talk about how they would miss you.

‘Miss her?’, Levi tilted his head, looking at Jean. ‘C-captain!’, Jean quickly saluted him, ‘What do you mean, you’re going to miss her?’. Jean looked confused at the Captain, ‘H-haven’t you heard? B-but she said we’ll be joining your squad and-‘, ‘What?’, Levi widened his eyes. ‘S-she left Captain, because she was pregnant. I-I thought you knew-‘, ‘Tch’, Levi balled his fists, ‘Where did she go?’. ‘No one knows’, Connie interrupted, ‘We’ve asked her, but she didn’t want to tell us’. 

How could you leave without telling him? Without saying goodbye? Levi was angry, but more than that, he was sad. Without replying to the cadets, Levi turned around, immediately heading towards Erwin’s office. 

Without knocking, Levi opened the Commander’s door, ‘Where did she go?’. Erwin was looking at Levi with his hands intertwined, lips resting against them. ‘I don’t know Levi’, ‘Don’t lie to me!’, Levi’s voice broke, ‘I know she told you, she always tells you shit like that. She always trusted you…’. ‘Levi, I don’t know’, Erwin said sternly, ‘B-but-‘, Levi could feel himself breaking down. The thought of never seeing you again made him nauseous, he needed you. ‘I’m sorry Levi’, Erwin sighed, ‘Everyone’s going to miss her’. ‘Tch’, Levi gritted his teeth, ‘You should’ve stopped he-‘, ‘No’, Erwin interrupted Levi, ‘You should’ve taken responsibility. I know you’re a complicated man, but don’t tell me that I should’ve stopped her when you’re the one that-‘, Erwin closed his eyes.

Erwin knew he shouldn’t say all those things, but he was mad at his friend. How could Levi act the way he did? To tell you to get rid of the child you both were responsible for?

Erwin quickly found his composure again, ‘She’ll be fine Levi’. ‘Did Hange knew?’, Levi looked with his cold gaze at Erwin, ‘Ai, we said our goodbyes this evening’. ‘So everyone knew, except for me?’, Levi raised his voice, ‘I’m afraid so’, Erwin stood up, ‘She made me promise you took care of her cadets’. Levi could feel his heart break, tears streaming down his face, ‘I know that you think I’m a coward, a monster even… But how can she raise a child in this cruel world Erwin? Don’t you think that’s selfish?’, ‘I think it’s brave’, Erwin smiled at his friend, ‘I don’t think you’re a monster Levi, I think you’re afraid’. 

--- 

A year passed. You’d been living a quiet, peaceful life in a small village near the wall. After giving birth to a healthy, beautiful girl, you’d been raising her on your own. It wasn’t easy, but you managed. Not a day went by that you didn’t think of her father, of the scouts, Erwin, Hange,… You missed them. You missed the excitement, your cadets, you missed everything, but this is the life you needed to live now.

‘Amara’, you sighed, quickly grabbing the flower she was stuffing in her mouth, ‘You can’t eat something like this’. You picked her up from the ground, taking her back inside. ‘If you’re hungry, you can just tell me’, you smiled at her blue eyes. Her eyes were just the same as Levi’s. She had the same crescent-shaped blue eyes, you wished Levi could see her. 

‘H-huh?’, you could hear a loud noise from outside, quickly followed by people screaming in fear. You looked out the window, adrenaline immediately pumping through your veins.

You never thought this would happen again, you never imagined something like this. You started to panic. You couldn’t defend yourself, you had no gear, no weapons. You knew the Corps would arrive quickly, but there wasn’t enough time to wait. Your house was too close to the wall, and on top of that, people were panicking, running across the streets,… 

Another loud noise filled the air, your eyes widened in fear when you could see people getting crushed underneath the rocks that flew from the wall. ‘There’s no time’, you whispered to yourself. You could hear Amara crying in fear, you held her as close to you as you possibly could, ‘It’s alright, I’ll keep you safe’, you whispered to her, placing a kiss on her forehead before running outside. 

There were Titans everywhere, the screams of people being torn apart, the cries of the children calling out for their mom or dad, it made you sick.  

‘Where do we even run to’, you were panicking, you couldn’t help it. You used to be so calm, so rational before you had her, but now… Fear was crippling your mind. ‘Calm down’, you whispered to yourself, tightening your grip around Amara, holding her head in the space between your shoulder and neck. You didn’t want her to see this. ‘Levi was right, this world is cruel’, you could feel tears streaming down your cheek, ‘but that doesn’t mean I’ll let you grow up in fear Amara, I won’t’. You started running away from the hole in the wall. 

--- 

‘Armin’, Levi’s squad was approaching the village, ‘You, Eren, and Mikasa, take care of the Titans outside the wall. The others will arrive shortly. ‘Ai, Captain!’, they quickly separated themselves from the others. ‘The rest of us will kill the ones inside the wall until the rest of the Corps arrives. I don’t want any casualties, understood?’. 

It didn’t take long for them to kill most of the Titans.

Jean was standing on a rooftop with Sasha, ‘S-so many people and th-they’re all dead’, Jean was holding his blades, closing his eyes. ‘H-huh’, Sasha ran towards the end of the rooftop, ‘Jean!’, she pointed towards the ground. ‘What?’, Jean walked towards her. ‘T-that’s Y/N!’, Sasha immediately launched herself towards you, as did Jean. 

‘Y/N!’, Sasha cried out your name. ‘You know her?’, one of the people that was sitting next to you on the carriage asked Sasha. ‘Ai’, Jean replied, ’That’s our former squad leader’. He widened his eyes, even when you were losing so much blood, even when you were barely conscious, he could see you holding your child close to you.  ‘She doesn’t want to give her to us’, one of the girls sitting next to you looked at Jean. 

‘J-jean? Sasha?’, you grunted out, ‘A-are you really here or am I..’, ‘We’re here!’, Sasha quickly sat down next to you, holding your hand, ‘You’re going to be fine’. ‘Pl-please’, you looked at Amara, ‘Take her, keep her safe’. ‘B-but-‘, Sasha protested. ‘Please’, you looked at Sasha, ‘I know you can keep her safe, you did it before, remember the girl you saved?’, you coughed up some blood, ‘I-I don’t know if I’m going to-‘, you could feel tears streaming down your cheek, ‘Tell Levi that he needs to look out for her, please, her name’s Amara..’, you begged Sasha. Jean was trying not to cry, he always remembered you as being so strong. 

Your cadets never saw you cry before, not even when Annie killed most of your squad. 

‘I’ll keep her safe’, Sasha carefully took Amara from you. You could hear Amara crying out, calling out for you. ‘Y/N’, Jean was shaking, he could see you closing your eyes when Sasha took Amara from you. ‘Jean, we need to go to the Captain’, Sasha looked determined. ‘But there are still some Titans-‘, ‘Jean, I won’t let anything happen to her, we need to go to the Captain, now!’, Sasha launched herself in the air. Jean looked at you once more. ‘We’ll make sure she makes it’, the girl next to you smiled at Jean. 

--- 

‘Captain!’, Sasha could see him standing on a rooftop, ‘Y/N! She’s here we-‘, ‘What?’, Levi immediately turned around to look at Sasha, widening his eyes in surprise, not even noticing the child Sasha was holding, ‘I-is she safe?’. ‘She’s being rushed to the infirmary’, Jean landed on the rooftop, ‘It didn’t look good Captain’, Jean closed his eyes. Suddenly, Levi could hear a child crying, calling out for her mom. ‘Ssh’, Sasha held the child closer. Levi looked at the girl that Sasha was holding. Sasha looked at the Captain with a certain determination in her eyes, ‘She made me promise I would keep her safe… That you would look out for Amara if she didn’t make –‘. ‘She’ll make it’, Levi interrupted Sasha, ‘I know she will’. ‘Here’, Sasha whispered while handing over Amara to Levi. ‘N-no I don’t know what to d-‘. ‘B-but she’s your daughter’, Sasha yelled at the Captain, ‘You need to take care of her! I promised Y/N you would!’, Sasha’s voice was shaking, ‘I promised you would keep her safe!’. 

Levi closed his eyes. He could hear Erwin’s words in the back of his head, ‘You should’ve taken your responsibility’. He gritted his teeth together. He was nervous to see his child, to look her in her eyes. 

‘I’m sorry’, Levi whispered, carefully taking Amara from Sasha without looking at his daughter, ‘Go to the others, join Hange’s squad, I’m going to the infirmary’. 

When Sasha and Jean were gone, when he was left alone with Amara, he pulled her away from his shoulder, finally looking at his daughter. When he noticed her blue eyes, when he could see her looking at him, he wanted to cry. He never expected to feel like this, to feel this much love in his heart.

‘Amara, huh?’, a painful smile appeared on his face. ‘What have I done’, he whispered to himself, ‘I should’ve never let her leave, I should’ve been there for the two of you’, his hands were shaking, ‘I’m sorry’, he held her close to him, ‘I’m so sorry’. 

--- 

Levi immediately rushed to the infirmary, keeping Amara close to him. 

‘Where is she?’, he asked one of the nurses, ‘Who?’, the nurse looked uninterested, ‘We have a lot of new patients, with the events that happened today’. ‘Y/N’, Levi sighed, ‘You know who I am, you know whom I’m talking about’. The nurse smiled, ‘She’s been asking about you’. ‘S-she’s awake?’, Levi sighed in relief, ‘Ai, but she needs to rest’. 

Levi followed the nurse.

‘This is her room’, the nurse pointed at the door. ‘What happened to her?’, Levi looked at the door, he wanted to buy some time. He needed to get his nerves under control. Levi didn’t want you to see how nervous he was. ‘She wanted to protect her’, the nurse pointed at Amara, ‘A titan stepped on a house she was hiding in, causing her to be crushed under the debris of stones. She threw herself on top of her child, making sure her child was safe from the stones that were falling. She suffers from a concussion, and several of her ribs are broken, as well as her leg and arm. She also suffered from internal bleeding, but we managed to stabilize her. She’s extremely lucky to be alive’. Levi closed his eyes, realizing it was supposed to be his duty as a father to keep the two of you safe. ‘Thank you’, he looked at the nurse. The nurse nodded in response and walked away. 

Levi could feel Amara’s small hands tugging on his shirt, letting out deep, slow breaths. He smiled at the feeling of her tiny hands.

‘Hm, you’re sleeping? You’re just like your mother, always sleeping at the worst possible times’, Levi chuckled. 

He could remember how you could fall asleep almost anywhere except your bed. He could still see you lying with your head on the table during one of Erwin’s meetings, or on the ground when your cadets were training. He’d always loved the sight of you sleeping, you looked so peaceful. 

Levi slowly opened the door, hands still shaking. He could see you lying in bed, looking out the window, ‘Nurse, have you maybe seen the girl that I gave Amara t-‘, ‘Tch’, Levi smiled. You quickly looked at him, eyes immediately tearing up when you saw he was holding Amara, when you could see they both were okay. ‘Levi!’, you wanted to get out of bed, to run towards the two of them, but you couldn’t. ‘A-are they safe?’, you quietly asked while Levi was sitting next to your bed. ‘Ai, all of your cadets, they’re all safe’, he whispered, ‘Erwin made me promise’, Levi looked at you. He could see how broken your body was, how many bruises you had, how many wounds, … He hated to see you like this. 

You couldn’t stop smiling. You always imagined what Levi would look like while holding her. Seeing Amara sleeping on his shoulder, holding her arms around his neck, … You wished the moment would never pass. 

‘Thank you’, you whispered, ‘I’ll take her back, I’m sorry I let Sasha take her to you, I thought I wasn’t going to make it’, you lowered your eyes. ‘N-no it’s fine’, Levi responded, tightening his grip around Amara, ‘I-I don’t mind’. 

He didn’t want to let go of her, he wanted to hold her like that forever. 

‘No, really’, you smiled, ‘I know you never wanted this, you don’t have to pretend’. ‘I’m not pretending’, Levi looked at the ground, ‘From the moment I held her, the moment I looked into her eyes I-‘, Levi’s gaze met yours, ‘I hate myself for the decision I’ve made’. ‘But-‘, you tried to reply, but he interrupted you. ‘I know what I’ve said, and I was right, this world is cruel… But after what happened today… I should’ve been there to protect my girls’. ‘Your girls?’, you chuckled. Levi smiled in response, ‘If you’ll have me, of course’. ‘Levi, I don’t kn-‘, ‘I want to be there for the two of you Y/N. Ever since you left the Corps… I thought I would never see you again. I’ve been searching for you everywhere. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you, of our child. I regretted my decision long before today’, his voice sounded rough but honest, ‘Please, forgive me’, he clenched his jaw, ‘I know I’m not perfect, I know I’ll make mistakes. I never had a father, I don’t know how to be one, but I’ll try, I’ll try with everything I’ve got’. 

Words failed you. Even if you could talk, if the lump in your throat didn’t make it impossible, you’d still wouldn’t know what to say. This was all you’ve ever wanted. 

‘Y/N?’, Levi looked at you, eyes desperately searching to meet yours. You were looking at Amara, smiling. ‘Only if I can be a squad leader again, I can’t take this boring life any more Levi. I can’t stand to be stuck between four walls every single moment of the day’, you desperately looked at him. ‘Y/N that’s unreasonable-‘, ‘No, she can grow up with us in the Survey Corps. All my cadets, they’ll take care of her, we’ll take care of her, Erwin, Hange…. She’ll never be alone, she’ll be loved by everyone. I saw the way Sasha held her, she would’ve protected Amara with her life. Besides, our home’s been crushed, there’s nothing left of it anyway’, you sighed at the thought. 

Levi stood up from the chair, sitting down beside you on the bed. 

‘We’ll discuss it some other time, but for now, you need to rest’, he placed a soft kiss on your cheek, while carefully laying Amara next to you. Amara didn’t wake up, instead, she nestled herself in your free arm, curling up against your chest. ‘Thank you’, you whispered. Levi stood back up, but you carefully grabbed his hand, trying not to move too much. You didn’t want to wake up Amara. ‘Please, stay’, your eyes were begging him, ‘Your cadets, they’re probably with Hange, right? You can stay, please, I’ve missed you’. 

Levi carefully laid down next to Amara, placing his arm around the two of you. He felt a warmth inside his heart he never felt before. 

‘My girls’, he whispered before closing his eyes, ‘I’ll never let anything happen to the two of you ever again’.

--- 

Another year passed, and you were sitting with Levi, Erwin, and Hange outside, drinking a cup of tea in the sun. 

‘Amara!’, you could hear Sasha running after her, ‘That’s my potato!’. 

Since Amara started to walk, she’d become a real menace, always running away, grabbing stuff she shouldn’t… 

You looked at Levi, his eyes were hanging low, smiling at the sight of Amara running with the potato in her tiny hands, ‘She’s just like you’, Levi looked at you, ‘You’re always stealing my shit too’. ‘Hey, that’s not tru-‘, ‘Whose shirt are you wearing?’, Levi smirked while taking a sip from his tea. You could feel your cheeks getting red, Hange and Erwin were smiling too. ‘Oi Y/N, don’t worry’, Hange slapped your back, ‘Aunt Hange will save the day!’. She stood up from the table, running towards Sasha and Amara, ‘Oi Sasha! I’ll give you a new potato!’.