#esme studies

[esme-studies]

study session: maths

Duration: 1h 30min

Topic: Differentiation

What i'll be doing: I'm going to watch a video on differentiation because i am seriously lacking right now and can't solve a question to save my life. Then i'll try to solve some topical questions. 3 easy, 3 medium and 3 hard and hopefully i'll be done.

Countdown for maths pure: 2 weeks, 2 days

[sharkeaten]

various esme headcanons from her superhero verses that i need to dump somewhere:

- in her gen v/the boys verse, she and alejandra were both injected with compound v as babies as part of a research study on how comp v manifests in twins. while alejandra was fine, esme sustained heavy side effects, including partial blindness and significant nerve damage. she was given up for adoption after this, as her parents believed she wouldn’t produce any power.

- in her general mutant verse, she’s born with these disabilities, & was given up for adoption as a child because her parents were under the impression they were only having one kid, they couldn’t afford two more, and alejandra was the one chosen to stay.

- esme discovered her powers at age eight during an autistic episode. her sonic scream broke all the glass in the house and nearly deafened her parents (sorry aksel and sarah 😞).

- her psionic abilities began manifesting as well at this point, and she quickly began to use them to see the world around her in a different way, similar to sonar readings and scanning. the time and energy that takes wears on her, though (and gives her migraines), so she mostly uses an advanced form of echolocation via small tongue clicks as she walks. her powers work with her disabilities in that she has an extremely heightened sense of hearing and is able to feel objects she normally couldn’t through telekinesis.

- being selectively mute, she rarely actually talks and prefers to speak in people’s heads. if necessary, she can make it seem as if her lips are moving, but she doesn’t like to use her voice around those she isn’t close to.

- she currently lives in new york, new york, working at the american museum of natural history and going to grad school for a paleontology degree. she often gets asked if she’s weathervane (booo famous sister), despite the sunglasses she wears all the time because of her sight and her penchant for walking around like a goddamn supervillain (she’s wearing trench coats in the new york heat someone stop her). she’s also trying this new thing called “stopping being vengeful” — let’s see how that works!

[wastheheart]

Headcanon;

Once Esme heals her sexual trauma, she starts to realise just how big a sex drive she has. It has to be with someone she trusts completely, but she is very open to sexual exploration. There's very little she won't try and will try anything once.

[amaretto-mp4]

Little something I did last week based off a study; hands and body language in general are really nice to draw.

[goldeneyedgirl]

I hope this question isn't too specific, but since the last snippet you posted of the babyfic, I've been wondering if Alice and Jasper are the kind of parents who throw birthday parties for their kid with a bunch of little children in their house or if Alice would be the kind of mom who goes to bake sales or whatever in the pre-school, or if this all would be too much of a risk for them. It's funny and curious to think about how they'd deal with all the needs and wants of a tiny person who actually grows up (and I assumed Alice, just like Jasper, doesn't age in this universe). Also I just think is funny to imagine Jasper going to pick up his son at school and all the other kids are scared of him because he's all murderer-like and then out of a sudden he's all soft because his kid is running towards him with a big smile :)))

Hi Anon!

So, when it comes to public-facing things, Alice and Jasper can only be Ollie's parents until he's in first grade. Alice's genetics are fucky, and she does stop aging when she hits 21 (though, spoiler alert, she is not immortal), so at a certain point she looks too young to be Ollie's mom. So they are a lot more involved before Ollie starts first grade.

By second grade, they've moved with the Cullens and Ollie has a bunch of different cover stories (Jasper's half-brother from foster care; Esme and Carlisle's biological son; cousin etc - Ollie looks way too much like a mini-Jasper for him to convincingly pose as only being biologically related to Alice, which is bittersweet for her.)

So when Ollie's in pre-school and kindergarten, Alice is juggling college, a part-time job, and her family. She definitely attends all his open days and school plays etc, but Esme and Alice's stepfather Simon are definitely more likely to be the ones that volunteer in Ollie's classroom, and contribute to bake sales. Honestly, Alice's cooking and baking is pretty hit or miss most days, so she wouldn't inflict her baking on innocent school children.

Jasper attempts a box-cake mix once for a bake sale and it's an event remembered with horror by all the Cullens. No one is sure what he did wrong, but that cake was not fit for consumption.

Jasper tends to keep his distance from the school for obvious reasons, but he has absolutely done school-pick ups, and he's always in the back of the auditorium during Ollie's school plays, filming everything.

Unfortunately, he's not serial-killer-looking enough when he does collect Ollie from school because a couple of the teachers have a bit of a soft spot for him, and how he and Ollie light up when they see each other. (There's definitely more than one mom at pick-up, waiting to see if its Alice or Jasper that picks Ollie up because they all think it's so unfair how good looking and happy the Brandon-Hales are. "I'm not sure if I want to be them, or be their bff, or do them, or what," - more than one bewildered, dazzled onlooker.)

Ollie socializes a lot with kids on the Res because Alice's stepfather lived there as a kid, the Pack obviously knows about Ollie's genetics, and Alice can be acknowledged as his mom at all times there. There is a single birthday party when Ollie is three held at La Push, where Jasper is allowed by the Elders to attend for sixty minutes with the Pack guarding him. None of the other Cullens are allowed to attend. It's a very precious memory, and one that Jasper knows the Pack did not make without long consideration and a lot of concerns. It's something he can never repay them for, and he treasures getting to be there to watch Ollie body surf and roll around on the beach.

There is also a singular entire-class birthday party for Ollie when he's in kindergarten that is held at the Brandon home. Jasper lasts for about half of it before he needs some space. Alice has more than one glass of adults-only punch because the only kid she likes is her own. Rosalie and Emmett have the best time ever.

After that, birthdays tend to be a family-only affair.

[divinekangaroo]

The irony of having less time is that I now look at the (only?!) 15 unwritten/incomplete shorts in my series and feel a bit sad- but then I consider the potential longer AU novel and think, *ah*, that at least would build to something conclusive at the end, even if I can only resource it in micro spurts of time.

Which is not a rational reaction, but...

[ineffectualdemon]

The Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan chapter was so sad but also....

God damnit I like Shen Jiu so much as a character

He's a horrible person. Like he does without question fucked up shit to a child we know that

But, and this is going to sound fucked up, but as someone who was a victim of child abuse...I get it

It's not that I have ever raised my hand in violence towards a child or ever really wanted to...but at the same time I've been able to see how going down that route would be easier

It's hard to explain if you haven't lived through it

But there is this feeling of almost being able to see the road you didn't take and a longing....not to hurt the innocent....but to have things be simpler

By continuing the cycle of abuse you don't have to confront the abuse that happened to you. You don't have to question why they got what you never had

Because the abuse he put Luo Binghe through was never about Luo Binghe

And even when Yue Qingyuan tried to get him to admit he had done wrong by Luo Binghe he couldn't agree. Because he hates himself through the medium of Luo Binghe

He thinks if himself in the worst terms:

Some people were rotten from birth. Shen Jiu thought of himself in exactly this way—someone vile and poisonous from the start.

SVSSS Vol 4 p 95

Now this he thinks because he had just thought he would have rathered Yue Qi had died remembering him, than become powerful and, to his eyes, forgotten him.

But later when talking about Luo Binghe he talks of him as rotten from the start. That his abuse of Binghe is justified because Luo Binghe was always vile as evidenced by his later deeds.

But it's not really about justifying his treatment of Binghe. He has to do that because he has to justify what happened to him. He's saying Binghe's abuse was justified because his was justified because he briefly wished Yue Qi had died trying to save him

And I know that sounds ridiculous but unless you've experienced abuse you have no idea how alluring that type of thinking it

It is hard to face your past and choose to be different than the people who abused you. And it makes you angry sometimes to see people happy when you weren't. To see children protected. And it would be so much easier to justify it. It feels like a lot of self destructive tendencies: easy.

Simple

A way to stop fighting

And it's a lie.

So if you're someone who doesn't want to be an asshole you don't look at it like a real option. It's just a thing that's over there. Through a twisted looking glass.

Again it's not a choice I have any real desire to make. Just like I have no actual desire to stab people on the eye with pens or throw a full mug of tea as hard as a I can at the wall. I'm not the fun house mirror abuse option I never took anymore than I am my intrusive thoughts

But that's just my two cents on Shen Jiu and why I think as a character he's really interesting

But also why I want to write a fic where Shang Qinghua becomes his trauma bonded pal and fixes his relationships

[emcads]

can your muse smell ants reply below

[shewastheheart]

Chapters: 5/? Fandom: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen Characters: Esme Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Charles Evenson, Isaac Uley Additional Tags: Romance, Eventual Romance, Friendship, Love Triangles, Domestic Violence, Infant Death Summary:

When Professor Esme Platt meets Carlisle Cullen, the course of her life changes and so does the course of her relationship with her closest friend, Isaac Uley.

[musecraft]

yes the rumors are true i rosemary am adding a twilight muse to my roster in the year of our lord 2022  ( super not-canon  &  adapted to the wwdits universe as main )  &  if you think i’m cringe, just know that i am having too much fun to care 

[esme-studies]

I dont have school tmrrw

It's because it rained SUPER heavy and everything's flooded. (i took some really cool videos and pics tho).

That's good because I didn't want to go anyway, it gives me extra time to prepare for my upcoming business mock and i can study something else too :))

[stars-and-birds]

today has been a good day actually

[wastheheart]

The first time raised voices and sudden, loud noises no longer cause Esme to flinch or brace? The first time someone touches her in day-to-day life and she doesn't catch her breath, waiting for fingernails to cut into skin? The first time she's intimate without needing to make sure her partner's hands don't go to those specific trigger places?

Esme healing and not even realising it until someone mentions it. Esme blooming into a happy, gentle soul who finally feels safe?

And of course there are still moments, but they're fewer and further between; even then, her reactions to them aren't as big as they used to be.

We love to see it.

[esmeislewd]

Dark Academia but everyone is just a little too fat for their suits and everyone waddles around libraries praying their buttons don't burst and eating a truly irresponsible number of study snacks~

[starfoam]

// ... genuinely cannot believe it took me this long to realize I didn't actually have her background listed in her about, considering how important it is.

So... fixed that!

[goldeneyedgirl]

Do you ever think you’ll expand/continue Anathema? It’s such a interesting concept and I’d love to see where you’d take the plot!

Yes! Anathema is kind of casually being developed into an actual fic, since it's kind of just a vibe and a collection of themes at the moment - I need to do some research into autopsies, morticians etc, plus there are some pacing issues and convoluted moments that need to be corrected.

I can tell you that Anathema will be a standalone fic, that it will be canon couples, and that there will be a lot more lore regarding supernatural beings.

The Villain of Anathema has been decided on, thankfully, but I'm still up in the air for what I want to do with Bella, with the Clearwaters, with Jacob, with Charlie etc. And whether it's worth bringing Cynthia in for shenanigans - because I do love giving Alice that sisterly dynamic.

I hadn’t expected Freddie to take the Cullens arrival in Forks particularly seriously - mostly loud reminders and the odd lecture to stay away, and that I would be able to slowly convince him that it couldn’t hurt for me to make an offer of friendship.  I was wrong. Freddie banned all contact with each and every single member of the Cullens, and refused to budge - I was restricted to the house; not that I’d ever really been allowed to roam Forks at will, or had any way to travel outside of my ancient bike. Now I wasn’t even allowed to go to the library or go out for snacks - or even pick up milk.  I was under house arrest. If I wasn’t in the basement working - and it was a relatively light week, death-wise, so I was stuck with the cleaning and organising - I was upstairs in the flat. My bedroom had never been so neat, and Freddie did feel at least a little bad for me since there had been no comments about how much online shopping I was doing. Dulcie definitely knew something was up, but wasn’t getting involved - though she had made a point of bringing me over cookies with a wink.  I’d also decided keeping my visions to myself was for the best right now; I didn’t need them misinterpreted or to add any fuel to the anti-Cullen fire. It wasn’t that hard to conceal them - I’d fainted once in the shower (it has to be said that it was because I was seeing one of the Cullens’ hunts from their perspective, and the combination of speed and vertigo hadn’t ended well) - but mostly I could blame my mind wandering.  Right up until I was making dinner and was sucked into a very nice vision of Jasper holding me, and came back to myself with Dulcie panicking and Freddie putting my right hand in a bowl of cold water since I’d apparently just dropped it straight onto the hot plate when the vision hit. That had meant Sue had to come over and bandage me up - a textbook second-degree burn, apparently -and both she and Freddie wanted to know what my vision was about. I’d babbled something about a car accident out near the interstate that they’d accepted, but Freddie kept a careful eye on me after that.  A couple of days later, I woke up to an agonisingly sore hand, a vision that the Cullens were doing their own recon on us, the Blacks, the Clearwaters, and the Swans… And a posey of flowers tucked carefully against my closed bedroom window with a slip of paper simply signed ‘Jasper Hale’.