#especially the day that damn [redacted] drops... chaos

[taegularities]

“where did my smut abilities go?” umm I beg to differ cause I would love to be having the kind of sex your characters been having 💯

jdksbdhs LMFAO thank you, babe omg 😭 but ykw, still !! with the exception of the next one or two cmi parts, i will go ham with my future smut. absolutely ham 🤍

[souichipresents]

Souichi Presents: [REDACTED] For Your Enjoyment

TKyahaha! Welcome, welcome back to Souichi Presents! YOUR the one stop shop for 90% Junji Itou based reviews, with a 10% error bar of “whatever thing with horror or monsters in it your humble author happens to have consumed recently.” AND TODAY IS NO DIFFERENT! With my triumphant return, I happen to feel like covering a unusual subject. Something distinctly less... picture oriented. 

A little more paperwork oriented. Indeed, I speak only of....

THE SCP FOUNDATION 

As far as horror online goes, the SCP foundation practically needs no introduction. The premise is full of delicious hooks: a government agency who’s sole job is to find, catalogue, and as needed isolate “strange thingS” in the world, to protect the common population from them. All of the main writing on the site follows the specific structure of in-fiction files, using structured forms and terminology. The subject matter can vary from the apocalyptic to abstractly innocuous, living humans to living... somethings. 

Reading enough of them begins to paint a larger picture; other factions and groups involved with these items creations from the distinctly un-child friendly “Dr. Wondertainment” products, to the rich-catering dealers in terrifying strangeness Marshal, Carter and Dark. 

The appeal to me of SCP is- well probably a little too lengthly for an introduction~ But in short, I actually adore the feeling of... mundanity they seem to contain. Minutia, tests, paperwork. Normal people working an incredibly terrifying, dangerous, strange job. I like when the things they find aren’t... necessarily made to be understood. Things in horror often feel like they’re MADE for you. A understandable story is presented to you. 

But sometimes, you just have to appreciate the idea of something completely breaking our concept of reality as we know it and not giving a damn if it’s at all coherent. Fuck you, here’s a cows heart on crab legs that talks in a british accented word salad, and its trying to kill you. Horribly. Why? They have no idea. But they do know if they keep it in several feet of iron and concrete, and feed it a cow every few days, they can keep it’s hideous stinger away from YOU. 

With all that said, I don’t want to tread old ground: Nobody needs to be told that the vending machine that dispenses increasingly obtuse snacks possibly from vastly different universes then ours is awesome. So instead I spent awhile hitting up the archive at random, selecting entries I feel represent my favorite concepts in the site that were *new* to me. Let’s see what I dredged from the archives on an absolutely forged security clearance starting with.... 

SCP 1860; “It’s Bleeding Song”

I’ll never say that an SCP *needs* pictures; in my opinion many, many entries fly on the strength of written descriptions. Besides which, if you recognize what a SCP’s image actually is (say, a decomposing whale) it can remove some of the punch. BUT I’ll say this one’s image really puts the hooks in, especially as soon as it becomes clear that it’s... not dangerous. 

Instead, it’s just strange, and... sad. I find this sadder and more troubling then some of the more human SCP. Something about seeming ike a constructed item- about how it CAN communicate, but just doesn’t... care to? It leaves mysterious holes you can just glimpse pieces of a strange, sad story through. It also doesn’t have *too* much to it-really on the whole we’re seeing three ieas, and it sticks firmly to it. 

Not to say there can’t be complicated SCPs, but it can get a little unwieldy. This is an example of an SCP with a strong thesis. 

SCP 889; “Hybridization”

Once again this is a technically nonlethal item, but it’s also... much much more disquieting. Not just because of what it does, which is introduced hilarious DND style hybridization rules to the ‘real world’, but because it exists. It exists, and you have to think about the idea that someone MADE it. 

Also whoever wrote this was a master of the backburner scare; dropping a detail in the containment procedure that doesn’t click until you’ve read a lot further down the page: “. If any prokaryotes are discovered exhibiting the effect of SCP-889, or if any staff members contract an unusual illness, SCP-889 is to be incinerated and sealed indefinitely. All staff members and equipment are to be decontaminated fully”

Prokaryotes, aka single celled organisms. That’s a fun thought. Super fun. Not the worst thing I’ve ever heard at all. 

SCP 956; “The Child Breaker”

Alright so. I’ll be honest with you guys. I really just. Think a living pinat that beats people open till they launch candy made out of their organs to be deeply hilarious. That’s on me. In theory this is a stupid, stupid, goofy idea. But if you’ve read my reviews before you probably know that I adore horror letting it’s self be silly. Goofy, odd things can be more terrifying then ‘serious’ horror designs. If you need proof, just look at any ill designed inanimate object mascot for a local business.

But this one really shines because of one detail: the discovery that it has always been, when deactivating, turning to stare in the direction of the nearest elementary school. Just like that you experience a chilling snap from ‘silly’ to ‘horrifying’ that’s just delightful. 

SCP 1075; “The Forest Formerly Known as Vince”

In contrast this SHOULD feel silly, but the deeper I went into it, the more it became... disquieting. It SHOULD be ‘heh, they think the tree is people’. But then there’s... details. Moments like the interview with the woman who is listed as the trees ex-wife where it’s not... even a HAPPY story. But it’s not grimdark or anything. It’s just... sad. 

It settles. It settles in the seams of the SCP Foundation’s story structure. See I’m not a big fan of the entries painting the Foundation as EEEEVIL DARK etc. It’s just a government group trying to keep shit in control and... doing as well as any government enforcement could be doing. It’s up to interpretation, and for my part I’m 100% more interested in people doing their best and sometimes failing. 

But they do fail sometimes. And there’s the big failures, or even the SCPs they’re just barely keeping in check, or can’t. But then there’s the seams of things that aren’t a BIG deal, necessarily. But you just feel... a little disquieted. I like the texture on this one. 

SCP 1319; “The Split-Up”

This might be one of my current favorites just because it raises so, so, so, so, so many questions. What exactly does this MEAN for the world? For... all humans? Why then? Why?

You really feel like workers at SCP had plenty to be afraid of without worrying that THIS could happen. 

SCP 1160; “Effective Containment”

Considering how much containment features into the SCP, I’m surprised I don’t see more entries using them for this kind of subtle ‘punchline’. Overly wrought containment bounces my eyes right off the whole entry. It’s where you have to throw your hooks, and get someone interested in an item they haven’t seen described yet- or at least make it brief enough that a reader gets to the main jist of the story fast. 

But this- this is beautiful. A perfectly executed example of a totally neutralized SCP. And what makes it so, so very satisfying is that after so many SCPs able to cause so much injury and chaos and confusion this feels like revenge. Not bloody revenge. No, a far finer vengeance: the vengeance of sheer indignity. 

SCP 1589; “Roman Anthropophagus”

Along with a fascinating idea, this is one of those entries that clearly sets up a little more about the world SCP takes place in. It makes it clear- these things have been going on a long, long, long time. And not all of them come from places OUTSIDE of humanity. Maybe even... not as many of them as we think. 

SCP 252; “Humboldt Squid’

This I just love because it’s one of the entries that doesn’t over-sell the Foundation. It can get a little tiring if they’re always flawless perfect super agents. Sure they’re professionals. But sometimes, just sometimes, someones gonna make a mistake. 

And get fooled by a squid. Kinda hard to blame them. If something seems like it’s going to kill you in SCP, 9/10 times you’re probably right.... 

SCP 2188; “Life and Times of Joaquín Pablo Izquierdo de San Felipe”

It’s not that I didn’t expect to find this kind of story on the SCP Foundation site. It’s that I never expect to find this kind of story. This ranks up with... well. Stories from Mr. Ito like Blood Sickness of the White Sands Village, or Second Hand Record. Stories like Mushishi. They feel unsettling, and stick faintly to the inside of my minds eye. But they also feel... as if you were holding a piece of thread between your hands, and pulled it as tense as you could- that feeling. That tension, that fragility. 

There are stories that are frightening, but also feel like tears gathering just under your eyelids, when you’re not sure why.

What can I say about this SCP? What a strange concept; what a powerful story. Of any SCP I’ve seen this may be the most literaly and successfully *whimsical* in a very sincere way. It may be one of the only entries I’ve seen that makes me really, genuinely feel the humanity behind the SCP foundation. It’s a shock of genuine sincerity and craft.

I love a lot about the SCP foundation; And I like the dryness, the bureaucracy, the shocks between the oddball and the profane, terror and technicality. But I think having a few stories like this is alright. Every now and then. 

That’s all I have for this week, my friends. I’m hoping to resume normal production now! We’ll see how that goes, but I can promise I’ll always come back to Souichi Presents. Even Tomie. 

Because as always, Souichi Presents... will return.