#explorers of arvus

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[getallemeralds]

"I'm gonna ready a Fire Bolt."

charlie wickfield is good at several things and one of those things is lighting people on fire

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: the heart of arvus / 3.3.21

short session today! nyx was getting his hair done for like 5 hours and its now 9 pm and i am very tired and want to sleep but i will power through it for taure's sake

oh yeah btw this is the session where taure is gonna not. taure is gonna go on vacation and pet puppies and i am going to lie facedown in a ditch

LAST TIME WITH THE WYLD KNIGHT-- wait no. yes, michael did in fact mix up the names of the 2 groups LAST TIME WITH THE HOPE'S GUARD we are on a rock! in the sky! i dont remember who went up and who didnt. oh i dont think any of us went up i think we just threw kaepora in there

oh the elf is a liar there is TOTALLY enough room for all of us to vibe up there.

i have straight up not been posting any of my notes to tumblr. i should do that after this. hrm [ AND THEN I DIDNT ]

OH HEY last session was 2.2 and today is 3.3 thats really cool. i swear im awake and paying attention

ELF REMINDS TAURE OF HOUSE ROTHAAL which is the house of friendly elves we helped in artevon! her name iiiiis Velna i think! time for wine mom taure. hey why does f.lux disable when i open discord. weait no it doesnt im just mildly insane tonight

silje has learned cloning

@ future leos I AM SO FUCKING SORRY this is a horrible disaster ball of leo+ica+k and we are Not Awake and i am. struggling.

oh hey a feedback failed in blaseball. poor NaN. URGH OKAY LEOS FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS these are going to be the worst notes ever

[charlie voice] pog-gers! velna's been staying in the heart of arvus studying history stuff! shes been trying to restore & translate things OH TIME FOR THORNE TO SHINE silje has entered silly mode. this cat loves books HEY WHY DOES VELNA HAVE TORTURE INSTRUMENTS? I SPACED OUT FOR A HOT SEC theres like. a cage with blood in it. blood cage

oh my god im struggling so much. are we dying yet okay no we're not dying yet, but the water dripping from the tree roots is Super poisoned

charlie found a hidden chamber w a teleportation spell circle in it! hooray i am accomplishing things

detect poison can apparently detect how good wine is (it cant) we're drinking incredible wine out of the fantasy equivalent of shitty dollar store mugs

OH HER NAME IS VALNA. Valna Rothaal! shes been on arvus for 16 years. waow

if charlie isnt doing anything in a scene shes gonna just be default dancing. im sorry. i just have the :cope: emoji on loop in a tiny corner of my brain

[ this is what :cope: is ]

PEPPER IS HERE pepper is gone. goodbye pepper

thorne is rolling to infodump THORNE HAS FINALLY ROLLED A NAT1 ON THE INFODUMP THORNE IS TALKING ABOUT BLASEBALL? thorne is really excited to talk about blaseball, the hit sport from the feywild

...VALNA'S BEEN RAISING UNDEAD? huh. she says halvkar lost control of the undSH'ES LEARNING FROM HALVBKAR? HALVKAR IS HER TEACHEWR? SCREAMINGG charlie: i cant fuckin believe this shit, my dudes.

NOOOO SILJE IS GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYY HE THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA HAVE A GOOD DAY

taure: [gets angsty] charlie: MMMM,,,, "charlie pulls out one of the bottles of alcohol shes been carryin around for like, 3 years real-time, pops it open, and hands it to silje"

charlie, genuinely concerned: good luck with your studies, uh... try not to get yourself killed. itd suck if you died. LMAO THORNE WARNED HER THAT CHARLIE'S A PYROMANIAC charlie has self-restraint! ..........sometimes!

solar: thorne is not responsible for the fact that i am stupid.

LMAO sieron walks through the portal but with his cloak of billowing active. gg sieron

kali: that was fast-- taure & thorne: [attempting to explain] charlie: HHEEEUUUURUUGGHGHGHHhh

i swear my charlie voice is getting more and more nasal.

charlie: hey, real quick taure, when did you become racist again? (taure is pissy at elves bc tragic family backstory. elf beef. eeef)

charlie: that was a whole situation up there-- i am not dabbing on purpose--

oh she mentioned that fjolnir isnt from the outer plane. that might be important.

Back To Camp!

we have chosen to [SPARE] Valna Rothaal. this action will have consequences charlie now knows the teleportation signature to the heart of arvus! so like, if we're ever able to teleport fast travel stuff, we can just go there i think! neat.

taure turns around and... suddenly gets dizzy. and starts stumbling around. anD PASSES OUT? OH COOL SO. TAURE SEES A PITCH BLACK SKY W A SINGLE YELLOW EYE LOOKING AT HER AND PASSES OUT. AND THATS THE END OF THE SESSION. GREAT GREAT GREAT

leos: did the other party kill her? michael: They Tried. - michael: its a shame, i was looking forward to you fighting your first legendary monster leos: MMRRGHGHHHH;;; [fear.jpg]

yeah michael expected us to try and murder valna but instead we were just disappointed in her life choices. neat.

TAURE CANONICALLY HAS SLEEPY BITCH DISEASE or rather the sudden twist at the end was something planned for a while now and penn told michael to just have it kick in whenever. neAT.

[patchdotexe]

Explorers of Arvus: uhhhh / 3.23.21

today's notes are different from usual bc. well. you'll see

LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS i broke my sleep schedule and am barely existing so this is fine. we went back to camp vengeance an uhhhhhhhhhhhh we are now going to fuck off into the forest to die or prove a very important point

oh god we forgot to level up

[mgd voice] BOOSTING NYX TO MAXIMUM LEVEL

im so fuckin tired. what on earth am i doing. how do i level again

k is not here this time but instead we've got mae+nii bonking their heads together to simulate 2 braincells and so far it is not working. i might just have to like fuckin, drop out n zzz partway thru or somethin. would be fun to see how chaotic michael makes charlie in my absensce

oh wait i can do d&dbeyond i think. how do i work this again. will i ever remember i have shield

what level am i. level 6? pog. oh shit i think i have a new thing

. new spell

. 3 total 3rd level spell slots

. bend luck! i can now screw people over on purpose (and will probably use my sorcery points FINALLY)

michael is leveling charlie up bc my brain is apple sos

ASDXFKLJFH I FEEL CALLED OUT zec rb'd my most recent art of MaX with "all i know about xem is that leo likes xem a lot that's the extent of my knowledge" THANK U FOR SUPPORTIN ME ANYWAY

there will be less blaseball distractions than last time bc blaseball is now on siesta. however i will still have MaX brainrot in the background bc i was drawing xem

wyatt mason my beloved

OKAY I GOTTA MUTE THE TACO STAND FOR THE ENTIRETY OF D&D i cannot and will not get distracted. we can do this. we

nintendo wii

we havent even started yet and im already incoherent

ok i have made a decision and that decision is that i do not have the brainpower to play. however i do have the brianpower to take notes hopefully! so ill just like. vibe. this will be a first

oh man im gonan pick up Blink. charlie is gonna be a fucking menace to herself and others

oh my god its not concentration so charlie may continue teleporting while unconscious. thorne is going to hate this

[charlie gets her soul eaten by a ring] [charlie singing dragonston din tei at halvkWAIT JORB HAS A PRIZE

jorb got a thing! an evil genius thing! figure man. fugrine. figuring. help

GREEN HAS DIAGNOSED ME AS TIGREX MONSTERHUNTER i love this

my notes are a disaster. this is so sucks

serotonin is stored in the wiggly zoomy jorb camera

jorb: his pinky is the size of the rest of his fingers

leo: he has a disease

jorb: he has a disease.

jorb: that disease is male pattern baldness

leo: [reduced to tearful giggling for mysterious reasons]

LAST TIME, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we've returned to camp vengeance! taure is still unconscious, which is not very great. camp vengeance is doin better tho!

michael, as part of the recap: ingrid is getting railed by her new girlfriend,

first dice roll of the day is michael rolled a 1. good start

OH THORNE IS AN ARTIFICER NOW thorne took a level in artificer!

"...it's like figuring out the right mathematical equation to summon a gun."

group is gonna go check out the statue that we passed by now that we're not WHAT DO YOU MEAN PONK AND GEORGE CANONICALLY HAVE IBS thats it im not looking at 772 anymore

im doing a bad job of paying attention but at least im Present

SIERON LEARNED FLY AND USED IT ON CHARLIE

michael: what do you want to do with your new flying powers?

leo: how many problems can i cause in 10 minutes

guard 1: ...why is the halfling flying?

guard 2: [rolls a 3 on intelligence] i think they can just do that

groundhogs, the real scourge of the campaign

silje and sieron are gonna hunt a big elk. they got distracted and sieron is putting grass on silje's head. i think

WAIT WE'RE ON WATCH NOW FUCK

we have discovered kali's tragic backstory whoops

update i am. too sleepy for this. good nigh everyone

[ and then leo went and somewhat took a nap! solar, normally playing thorne, started playing charlie in my stead. @jorbs-palace, local hero, started taking shitpost notes in my stead. ]

jorb's ghostwritten notes for leo:

help solar is immediately doing a cursed voice for charlie. charlie can do so many crimes

congratulations, charlie is now temporarily immortal!

dwarves can hit things with their beard

kali wants to know if she's legally allowed to bail

she'd feel really bad if she had to loot our corpses for payment if we died.

we have entered the Tree Zone

one of the corpses is now a flamingo (has one leg)

silje has decided to stab the ground. take that, dirt

kali was large size for a second there but then she remembered to not be a giant

"you accidentally deleted my cat?!"

silje has learned naruto cloning jutsu

be gone, thot

oh boy, making an int check to look at a statue! 11! silje is dumb apparently.

hmm. the statue has divination magic. it's also affecting silje.

SILJE LEARNED A 6TH LEVEL SPELL? its only single use but still

you solved my statue riddllllleeeee

thorne forgot to have eyes

its a shame mac and cheese doesnt exist in the d&d universe

wizards are just math criminals (the criminal part is setting people on fire)

sieron crit fails a check but it was still a 9 because of having +8

thorne is looking for what's weird!

uh oh music got scary, never a good sign

hmm. those leaves over there weren't dead a moment ago.

UNDEAD TROLL TIME! rolling initiative

"it's ok, im a wizard, it's my duty to be correct." "wow! waow!"

woooah here he comes

IT JUST DID HALF SIERON'S HEALTH AS A PASSIVE END OF TURN EFFECT?

thorne backed up and cast eldri- oh, ray of enfeeblement. character development continues

charlie is going to just blink out of existence for a minute.

big chungus has grabbed silje and sieron. BIG CHUNGUS HAS THROWN SILJE AND SIERON.

sieron is using hit and run tactics! isn't good at his extra attack yet though

silje is activating bid bid blood blood blood

thorne uses beam of skipping your leg day. troll's legs are now skipped.

michael is trying to determine what a 'clavicle' is

"does that mean the star trek kind, or the bdsm kind?"

charlie wants to cast magic missile.

charlie has vanished back into the ethereal plane mid-taunt

silje has decided to not get bitten today

silje may or may not have stats.

oh, right, trolls are weak to fire! and also we forgot to upgrade sieron's firebolt. so it actually hurts now!

silje is full of knives and blades and does 31 damage in one turn!

charlie shouts words of encouragement from the ethereal plane. a nearby ghost vibes with this.

🎉 eldritch blast 🎉

kali remembered she hates the sun

silje is enthuasiatic about charlie saying "get him cat boy!"

charlie contemplating using fireball to nuke the troll and also the entire stonehenge

charlie has decided to use magic missile instead, probably for the best

the troll bit at charlie SO POORLY it broke some of its teeth on the ground

charlie is too small to hit

accidentally rolled advantage on a firebolt, so got to learn it WOULD have done 29 damage with a crit but instead it missed because it was not actually with advantage

silje has just sliced open its entire back and made a spray of frozen blood! radical. big boy is down!

we have burned the body because we are not stupid. well, we ARE stupid, but not stupid in the way of leaving a body full of necrotic magic around

[dr coomer voice] i think it's good that he died!

we're also doing a funeral pyre for the other corpses that were around. just to be sure.

our loot is: the satisfaction of a job well done

thorne is cosplaying as charlie

charlie has located the direction troll came from! she found the 'the way to sweet loot' sign

thorne is apparently better at survival checks than our hired guide? wack

we found a viking house! it has: mead, a shield, gravestones,

found a gold coin in the mead! maybe it was thirsty

oh theres a LOT Of coins in there actually. 60 gold and 120 silver!

have successfully pointed out a hole in the DM's logic :)

there was a raven! it cawed and left. ok bye buddy

and that's where we leave it! heading back to camp vengeance next time.

someone rated this session a 7.2 out of 10, which is very specific

good night mr coconut

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: the witch’s hut / 1.27.21

I FINALLY REMEMBERED TO POST MY D&D NOTES IM SO SORRY in my defense, for this session i was liveblogging it on discord for nyx’s benefit bc he couldn’t make it so the formatting is super janky and i kept procrastinating on porting it to my notes pile proper

LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we finished our journey from camp vengeance to see what’s up with the poisoned river! we are also definitely going to get owned by a minecraft witch

. COW DETECTED okay time to get killed by a minecraft witch

. thorne's priorities: can kill cow

. fen hill 2: electric witchaloo AS A REMINDER, ALL OF MY NOTES ARE LIKE THIS

. cow is just straight vibing. pretty well-fed cow! which is interesting seeing as the trees are barren even in summer. thorne thinks the cow is sus

. the entire party is rich and we somehow forgot about that. i had to look at my character sheet bc charlie wanted to bet 50g on thorne shooting the cow

. sieron armor pog? (sieron now has retroactive studded leather armor)

. THORNE WITH A GUN

. taure gets 200gp for passing go-- OH TIME TO DIE

. little known fact: witches have vision based on movement

. jorb is dead :crabrave: (Jorb's chrome crashed)

. man i have like a +6 to stealth why am i rolling so shit. lets hope the witch doesnt have eyes

. We Are Looking Natural (our stealth rolls are really not good.)

. HOORAY WE'RE GETTING GOOD ROLLS except thorne. sorry thorne. witch has Spotted Us

. oh no taure thinks the witch is cursing our di-- WHAT'S A SPELL

. solar: i appear to have forgotten every spell except for eldritch blast.

. does the witch have motives? not good or evil, just motives in general

. anyway the witch seems chill and I Do Not Trust Like That but like. why not.

. charlie's gonna go talk to the witch! because no one expects a halfling to be a murderer.

. silje is also coming with! the witch has detached her roof, its like a convertible

. the cow is chill. cow's havin a good time.

. charlie cant bleed out but she CAN be executed. nice.

. the witch was an imposter. the witch has been ejected (she has not)

. silje doing the angy fluff tail thing bc  Sus

. I FORGOT CHARLIE DOESNT WEAR SHOES charlie takes off her shoes and doesnt know where she got them from

. charlie: yea we're hikers, just explorin arvus yknow, s'fun-- taure: The water has been poisoned. >:|

. distant charlie shouting: ARE YOU SUGGESTING THE WITCH HAS BEEN SHITTIN IN THE RIVER NON-STOP?!

. [pulls out sending stone] sieron. cow sus. [puts sending stone away]

. charlie is trying very hard to be sneaky about stuff and taure is just Giving No Shits

. well, the witch is trying to poison us.

. ROLLING INITIATIVE time to kick this witch

. CAT ON TABLE .......wait we left kali. kali did a stealth roll so good we all forgot about her

. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD CAT

. holy shit the witch slapped aside silje's sword. this grandma is hardcore

. sieron just fucking Teleported to the door (we rarely ever use dash actions so i forgot that's even a thing)

. OH SHIT BLADESONG sieron is now hardcore (like 20 AC?)

. sieron: [nyooms past] charlie: hi sieron.

. THORNE IS GONNA SNIPE THE COW "charlie owes me 50 gold" -thorne, casting eldritch blast

. THORNE HAS SNIPED THE COW

. "so if this ISNT something evil in disguise, ive just exploded a cow"

. It Was Not A Cow (it was a catoblepus)

. thorne does a sick backflip

. UH OH TREE IS ALIVE AND IS PISSED

. sieron's AC may be incredible but it's no match for a nat20. rip sieron

. taure has decided she is done with this shit and did some gardening (sieron got grappled by roots and taure hit them fot max dmg)

. jesus fuck elendar is so op. taure has decided to Kill

. Taure's Turns Never End

. all enemies are masters of geometry. we are now in a titled square of hell

. the hag is gonna pilot the evil tree like a mecha

. DEATH BROOM!!

. silje gets slapped by a broom. f

. THE COW HAS A DEATH RAY

. TAURE IS AT ZERO

. WAIT OK EVERYTHING IS OK actually only charlie is in range and i passed the con save fuuuuuck yea jorb: update: taure was out of range so that got retconned so charlie just shrugged off a death ray by force of will

. charlie has closed the door so no more death rays.

.  silje is now chasing down the witch! jorb: luckily silje resisted the cursed sword's desires to really attack this broom

. the witch is dead! thank u based silje. unfortunately you ARE inside the evil murder tree

. i thought michael was eating his dice.

. sieron has found a Bonus Boy jorb: current fights: thorne vs the not-cow, taure and charlie vs a broom, and silje and sieron vs bonus boy leo: yea thorne is having a 1v1 with the death ray cow jorb: oh theres also still the evil tree, which silje, sieron, and bonus boy are inside of rn

. charlie owes thorne 50 gp.

. well, taure is getting eviscerated by an angry tree

. TAURE IS NOW DOWN TO 1 HP YAAAYYYYYY jorb: taure has a lot of broken bones now "my bones are chips and the bag is my flesh" -taure leo: [happyflapping]

. taure is doin real bad y'all

. as usual, i jump straight to arson

. taure rolled for braincells (it was a d2)

. shit is now on fire yo

. the murder cow is now also stuck in the web of excellent geometry, charlie has set the web of excellent geometry on fire, and silje has murderized the bonus boy

. sieron is attacking the tree from the inside, which is pretty cool!

. thorne moves 30 feet back and shoots the murdercow with eldritch blast twice, as they've done on Every Turn

. thorne was engineered specifically to torment this murdercow (and, by extension, michael)

. taure has stolen thorne's murdercow kill

. "so the broom is not restrained, but it IS on fire"

. charlie gets smacked repeatedly by a shitty broom

. charlie surged and is now invisible! and also inaudible. and also on fire. michael: Charlie accidently discovers her Ninja Way

. thorne is now moving FORWARD 30 ft penn: character development

. taure is now unconscious

. I HAVE FINALLY KILLED A BROOM

. "i place myself facedown and end my turn."

. silje is just WRECKING the tree

. THE TREE CAN DASH

. taure is Very close to dying but its fine its fine its fine

. "thorne's catboy sense is tingling" -penn

. YOOO i blew up the tree w a fireball and silje, who was inside it, did a cool fuckin backflip and escaped unharmed

. we are now trying to pin taure down to forcefeed her a healing elixir

. taure is fucking Booking It so we're all chasing taure down THIS IS THE BIT THAT NEVER ENDS

. "this invisible man cannot do anything."

. taure's the final boss.

. michael: Taure refuses to let anyone heal her so the party just spent 30 minutes chasing her down

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: camp vengeance / 11.24.20

OKAY HERE’S TODAY’S SESSION . HERE’S WHAT I WAS ACTUALLY GONNA POST BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. OKAY

(solar and jorb wanted to see my notes bc i mentioned they are Very Bad)

LAST TIME, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS................... i didnt take any notes because i didnt have my pc and was hanging out w solar. we found a cave behind the waterfall and then i died of having a migraine. now we get to Kill!

jorb is afk waiting for his food to Arrival so im eating a tootsie roll pop and thinking about dreamout au

jorb is here! kaepora tries to distract the troll we found and Extremely Failed. sieron uses wand of wonder! it was super effective! (he hit the trolls w lightning and it was pretty pog)

throne: that was fucking sick! charlie: [dies]

charlie got talked out of fireballing it bc burning potential treasure would suck ): HOWEVER she did get to use her fiery crossbow to do some radical shit so !! Fufk Yea

thorne: [obliterates the troll] charlie: YOOO! THORNE, THAT WAS FUCKED UP! DO IT MORE!

silje's got a cursed weapon!! his cool ass sword enjoys blood, apparently. good thing he's a blood hunter! They're Made For Each Other.

charlie tried to hit the guard drake in the nads but a) it doesnt have nads and b) i missed, so. f. charlie flipped it the double bird

taure did a Very Cool Kill and then charlie set its corpse on fire as a "fuck you"

im currently suffering from the curse of constantly aying "pog" but its ok bc charlie is a halfling and theyre just Like That

charlie: YO SIERON, COOL SWORD! you're a swordboy now, right? you like swords? (god i missed playing charlie. she's very fun! she's a squeaky rowdy bastard)

leo: just guys bein dudes bein dead in a cave!

I STILL HAVE MY GIANT DOG i missed justin!! charlie brought her giant dog to arvus and i fucking love him. apparently i named him after justin mcelroy and i dont remember doing that but thats on-brand

charlie: we're the hope's guard! we brought supplies n we brought friends! ... [dabs]

anyway yeah we made it to camp vengeance! its kinda a shithole but we are in the middle of arvus's undead zone so. hopefully the supplies we picked up from the troll cave will help?

Taure Has Leukemia (she does not)

we've met Knight-Captain Ord Firebeard! taure and sieron are doing healing, charlie and silje were fucking around with cards before ord showed up and charlie had to Try And Be Professional, which is always fun. charlie temporarily being the party representative bc shes very friendly and the other 2 people are socially awkward

silje's gonna disrupt the econony ):

charlie sees taure walk up to some guards and talk to them abt "ok who needs to take watch off" but charlie cant hear what shes saying so she just sees the guards scurry off after taure looks Intimidating and is just like FUCK YEAH, TAURE!!!!

commander is Niles Ryder (thats such a cool name wtf),  there's a bunch of native arvusians that we're hanging out with and learning stuff abt! the camp vengeance guys arent really prepared for how fucked up arvus is so thats why theyre in such a bad state. we're helping out, but ryder is very much not like... not the right sort of commander for dealing with the wilderness of arvus.

meanwhile, charlie teaches silje to play go fish!

charlie: [quietly] when the fuck did i become party spokesman

entire call: uh ohhhhh, stinkyyyyy! (apparently me and penn are the only ones that dont instantly hate commander ryder On Sight which like. valid. i do want to set him on fire if he gets any more douchebaggy tho)

camp's sick because water's poisoned! specifically there's some sort of magical disease coming downriver from the aldani basin, so we need to go up there and check shit out. plus thorne & silje heard about "heaven's brazier", an eternally burning watchtower, when they took night shift.

man everybody is sick. camp vengeance blows.

WE LOST IREL. WE LOST IREL,,,,, okay good news charlie found irel. irel made a friend! speicifcally irel woke up ulfric, the head arvusian scout, and is pretending to be a normal feathered snake and not A Bastard. i am now realizing im not sure if im spelling irel's name right (irrel? yrel???) but i am Committing To This Spelling apparently

ooh, old arvusian legend abt the aldani basin! the aldani tribe angered fjolnir [? spelling???] and got turned into lobster monsters, supposedly.

Charlie Has Become Snake Parent aka charlie is the one trying to babysit irel. irel knows the definition of bastard! and also was born with endless knowledge beyond charlie's comprehension. charlie does not like this answer. i, however, adore irel

i checked fallen london and now we've named a npc "jeremy jared sonofabitch". i think. wait no i think michael found a spider. farewell jeremy jared sonofabitch

[loads crossbow] river's haunted

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: shrine of the river drake / 6.15.20

to recap: im in a d&d campaign with the palanauts, solar, and a couple other friends that’s been VERY long-running bc our schedules are a nightmare.

THIS WAS. ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE THE NOTES FOR TODAY’S SESSION. BUT THEN I DISCOVERED I HAVE SOME VERY BAD NOTES FROM JUNE THAT I DIDNT POST. SO,

a quick overview of the party: sieron (he/him), half-orc wizard (played by jorb) taure (she/her), half-elf paladin (played by penn) charlie (she/her), halfling sorcerer (played by us) thorne (he/they i think?), half-orc warlock (played by solar) silje (he/him?), tabaxi blood hunter (played by nyx) ...and michael, our long-suffering DM

our current goal: to explore arvus and kill undead! are we making progress on that? who knows!

-

CHARLIE WOKE SILLY UP AND HE DID THE CAT ACTIVATION NOISE IM [CRIES]

we are shopping around for a guide! one of the available ones is a tortle that's currently in the bath and he doesnt wear clothes solar: well, if we walk in and he has his dick out, it wont be anything new

the other guide is an elf that mightve been the one listening in to thorne's infodump! she keeps getting in trouble w her adventuring parties bc she keeps getting distracted by archaology. HMM. I WONDER IF SHE'S GONNA GET ALONG WITH OUR PARTY, WHICH HAS AN ARCHAOLOGY NERD,

taure got a really bad hangover so she's stuck in bed and sieron is now the one driving the bus bc he's the protagonist

THE ELF (KALI KORANO) IS A SWEETHEART... WE GOTTA TAKE HER. she keeps getting ditched by adventurers and she is Wonderful and i love her

silly is planning to Kidnap kali (nyx started asking abt her weight and if silly would be able to carry her and it ended up being bc of being able to drag her along if she gets left behind)

HMM michael asked jorb if sieron had alter appearance up, and then to roll arcana and he got a nat 1 turns out: she's also doing a disguise spell! she's a drow masquerading as a woof elf. wo... wood elf.

summer: [head in hands] OH NO, I FORGOT TAURE IS RACIST (taure is not racist)

WAIT HOLY SHIT KALI IS MICHAEL'S ROOMMATE'S PC. WE ADOPTED A PC FROM MICHAEL'S OTHER ARVUS CAMPAIGN

jorb: oh god, math. [camera zooms in]

[everyone gets distracted locating cats]

OUR PARTY IS HUGE. time to run out into the wilderness!

taure you cant keep doing this. taurE WHY DID YOU BUY 5 BOTTLES OF WINE,

WE FORGOT ABOUT OUR CHILD

okay so! we're out in the wilderness now. hopefuly we wont be eaten by river drakes or undead!

silly had to make a wisom saving throw against the zoomies

first fight w/ silly! charlie's opening move ws to drop a fucking FIREBALL on 4 ghouls & a shadowghast and... also. started a forest fire. WOOP

encounter won! WILDFIRE STILL HAPPENING THOGUH

note to self: fireball is now banned from being used in forests.

on our way to camp valour! er. valor. currently passing by jarnhalla

summer: oh god, jorb, youre zooming in! michael: [gets very close to camera]

I T H I N K  T H A T 'S A N I N T E R E S T I N G I D E A summer: [LOSING SIER SHIT] michael: [leans back] [whispers] hello, welcome to my d&d asmr,

session may end early bc nyx's computer explodey ):

THORNE HAS A BACKGROUND NOW

i dont remember how to take notes. @ future leos i am sorry

god i have no idea where we are. i am bad at paying attention bc my brain is occupied 75% by the motw campaign that also had a session earlier today so a lot of location description michael is doing is Not registering

we fell into a pit trap bc i wasnt paying attention and now i cant get out I GOT OUT

Thorne, Taure, And Silly Explore The Trap Dungeon

charlie tries to play cards with sieron while the rest of the party fucking DIES

charlie and sieron decided to catch up to the party by using gecko climb to bypass the traps (specifically sieron using gecko climb and carrying charlie) but we kept rolling GARBAGE and yet SOMEHOW made it. charlie is miserable. both silly and thorne got knocked unconscious once each

charlie was on sieron's shoulders to help trap check some stairs and then they fell down and charlie is MISERABLE

charlie: [looks at sieron] [raises arms] UPPIES

i am. so tired.

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: port draavos / 3.23.20

and now for something different: the misadventures of the hope’s guard

so for the past 3 years ive been in an ongoing dnd5e campaign run by michael called Explorers of Arvus, which is super cool and super fun and i love it a whole lot! and back when i used twitter, i’d liveblog our sessions and that ended up being my way of note taking bc im otherwise quite terrible at it

after i stopped using twitter, that had the side effect of me not keeping notes anymore, so i kind of didnt remember any of the past couple sessions? especially because its hard for all 6 of us to have like, schedules that make sense, so there’s a lot of distance between each session.

and then i realized i can just take notes shitpost-liveblog style and then just… like, put it on tumblr or whatever. i’ll probably make like, ill probably port over my old liveblog threads onto here sometime but until then: we played d&d today! Time For Shenanigans

some quick context: we’re called the Hope’s Guard, but our unofficial silly name is Chunch Bunch the Dungeon Master is Michael aka Skalter aka @openlyeight​ Taure M’ea is a half-elf paladin played by Penn aka @penn-name​ and she is doing her best. Sieron Astora is a human (secretly half-orc) wizard played by Jorb aka @jorbs-palace​ and he’s basically the protagonist, and also starting to be gay for Charlie Charlie Wickfield is a halfling wild magic sorcerer played by Leos aka us and she’s known for being very chaotic, lighting things on fire, and having a high charisma score but no idea how to articulate anything Thorne is a half-orc warlock played by Solar aka @craftlands​ and he grew up in nonsense land aka the feywild and i love him, and also he’s fine-tuned to be able to snipe the shit out of anything within a 600 ft radius of him w/ eldritch blast Silje Cottonwood is a tabaxi blood hunter played by Nyx aka @patheticnyas​ and he is very edgy but also a cat and is VERY gay for Thorne our general goal is to stop some motherfucker called Halvkar / the God-King from… i dunno, being a huge bitch? he dumped zombies all over Arvus and that’s a problem. its late at night and i just played d&d for several hours

AND SO: WE PLAYED D&D FOR THE FIRST TIME OF THE DECADE

last time:

chunch bunch beat up the cult and now we’re FINALLY GOING TO ARVUS, YALL (also we picked up a cat) (his name is silly. its silje but literally pronounced like “silly”) sieron hatched a child! so like, we have a lil coatl friend now OH RIGHT SIERON HAS A MOM. sierons mom is here charlie and sieron attempted to have a gay scene but charlie went off script by being “[internal dial up noises]” when sieron said something really heartwarming we’re in fort draavos! and now we’re picking up sidequests and just kinda wanderin around. woo!

NOW, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS:

thorne and charlie discuss the morals of necromancy, and also the concept of “[charlie voice] necromancy racism”

EVERYONE IS BONDING WITH CHARLIE TODAY taure gave charlie the rune of wound closure and told her to stay safe and im :keralisweep:

accidentally started a cutscene bc charlie is very loud in a temple, oop. some priests(?) glared at us and walked off and im sure they wont stab us later! ingrid the adorkable friend has been having reoccuring nightmares about a dark figure w/ black robes standing above a bleeding platform high in the air over a swamp and summoning undead, so we’re gonna go hit that up! it MIGHT be like, a vision of the past, but even if so thats still pretty relevant also there’s a cool half orc lady named undril silvertusk who we’re gonna escort to camp vengeance! she’s awesome

thorne: i was in a dungeon once charlie: you got better! thorne: [points] i DID get better!

summer: can i roll to steal the laser gun? michael: if you find the dragon, you can try to steal the laser gun.

solar: guys, we have to protect the lesbians at all costs. and if one of them turns out to be an ancient gold dragon and curses my dick, then so be it

taure: dont worry, i wont let you die. ingrid: …okay :D!

THE HOT SPRINGS EPISODE IS FINALLY HAPPEN sorry thorne. charlie dabbed at a buff tiefling charlie is too fucking short for the hot springs. also she’s like 50% hair so she is Dying

time for food! we ran into an adventuring party that is apparently based off one michael was part of in another campaign, and i think the buff tiefling is his? also taure ordered samples of everything and then got Super plastered

thorne rolled really good to infodump hardcore about arvus artifacts and it is cute and id die for him oop michael asked for all our passive perception

omg theres an introduction of a ~mysterious character~ and originally theyre supposed to just sneak off but then michael realized they’d be genuinely interested in thorne’s infodumping so now theyre just Lurking

the opposite of a slow burn is a fast explosion

[everyone gets distracted quoting realtime fandub]

oops taure is depressed! ALSO SHE BROKE UP WITH SIGRA??? charlie is VERY bad at emotional support so she’s just “uhhhhhhhhh”, but thankfully thorne catches her before she faceplants into her potatoes CAN ANY OF US CARRY TAURE??? SHE’S IN FULL ARMOUR AND ALSO PASSED OUT

michael: what do you do with the bottle? summer: eat it

charlie get haircut! WITH SWORDS. her hair is now like midway down her back so its like, a bit shorter than when she first met everybody silje: do you want this [the hair he cut off]? charlie: UH WHAT WOULD I .. DO WITH IT… silje: …make a rope? charlie: yknow what i might as fucking well, who knows if id need spare hair

penn: i dont think taure is horny tho! summer: ITS OK, SILJE IS HORNY ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US

michael: Sieron, Str of 10- action hero Thorne, str of 14- twink nyx: silly, str of 13- cat solar: i guess thorne is a hunk. michael: thorne is a twunk summer: the t in thorne stands for twunk

taure, extremely drunk and sad: CHARLIE IM SORRY I MADE YOU BURN DOWN THAT LIBRARY (sieron and thorne carried her to bed and she ended up apologising a whole lot about literally everything)

jorb/sieron wants to know if charlie’s hair has any lingering wild magic nonsense!

thorne’s staring out the window! and also discord kept censoring solar when they were trying to say that THIS ENTIRE AREA IS WITHIN THORNE’S RANGE. solar: i could shoot someone at the thundering boar tavern [from our tavern] jorb: [as thorne] WRONG TAVERN, IDIOT!

solar called soldier:76 a cornfucker and it blindsided me so hard

michael: silje cottonwood, dark edgy blood hunter. [flops over on camera] NOTICE MEEEEEEEE

WE’RE NOW MAKING NONSTOP FORT DRAAVOS PUNS. i had to go clean pepper’s litter and when i came back they were STILL GOING

thorne pets silje on accident bc silje ws doing an anime squat on the balcony’s railing and is now having a crisis of “is it appropriate to pet the furry?” AND ALSO SILLY IS VERY SOFT

jorb & michael: [say something cursed] summer: [looking around frantically] I DONT HAVE AN IMPROVISED WEAPON solar: Allow Me. [brandishes baseball bat on camera]

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: raid on house dalton, pt 2 / 3.24.19

thorn is apparently a snorcel now (pronounced "snorkel") 

spent the first 15 minutes petting my cat on camera 

Charlie Uses A Firebolt To Perform Surgery 

Hello, My Name Is Crest Warcraft 

"[charlie] is doing it for the vine. the vine is a hallucinogenic tree that transmits people doing stupid things." 

"why did you roll 1danganronpa?" 

thorn may snipe me and i am so afraid

"you say 'holy shit!' and then 'a horc' softly."

Sieron Has Become One With The Books 

[charlie voice] I'm Taure Now! 

I ROLLED A NAT20 SO CHARLIE SLID BETWEEN SIERON S LEGS OUT OF HIDING, SHOT A FIRE CROSSBOW AT SOMEONE ACROSS THE ROOM, AND EVAPORATED A GUARD 

oh my god it was the coolest thing ever i was wiggling in my seat amd squeeing on camera 

i love whenever charlie gets to do rad things, mostly involving fire

Let Thorne Say Fuck!

oh my god charlie did a wild magic surge with intention of being cool.. ..and got 2 years older. 

"charlies gonna open the door again [after closing it on sieron to protect him in case she exploded] and hides behind sieron.” "theyll all get an attack of opportunity on you." "ah."

almost exploded AGAIN 

sieron: [knocks on door] uh, charlie? charlie: IM OKAY! penn: the door gives you a thumbs up. 

this combat is SO fun 

leo: im gonna knife this guy in the kneecaps. michael: okay so you aim for this guy's kneecaps, but charlies a bit taller now and not used to it, so you stab him in the thigh and hit a major artery. leo: charlie goes "[makes a O___O face]" 

btw i LOVE wild magic. it is so fun and im glad my Very First Played Character is a wild magic sorcerer

michael: oh, leo, do you have a question? leo: oh, no, im just holding up charlies fingergun (she was readying an action and was gonna use Firebolt but with fingerguns)

[in combat with a spooky shadow entity] michael: are you attacking the figure, or the shadows? leo: UHHHH 

im so pale that im Reflective 

charlie surged AGAIN and basically got muted for casting magic missile at the darkness 

charlie is Very chatty ic so she is Miserable 

WELL THORNE JUST HAD THE WORST LUCK IN THE ENTIRE WORLD

(he lost 16 MAXIMUM hp bc of that saving throw, bc this creature can do that! terrifying!) 

Leo Eat Cookie 

is thorne gonna lose an arm? find out next time on explorers of arvus! (no.)

my mic got disconnected for a sec and i didnt notice and when i fixed it i complained about my soda being full of ice and then had an Intense burp and died instantly solar: CHARLIE CAN SPEAK AGAIN, BUT IT STARTS WITH A BURP 

also taure tried to heal thorne taure: do you feel better? thorne: i dont feel much better but i feel less worse.

Charlie Eat A Cookie 

"OH GREAT, THIS IS FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST NOW!" 

[charlie voice] wow sieron, i didnt know youre a weeaboo 

also thorne rolled a 1 and thought the transmutation circle was a nightlight

solar: dm is gone, everybody riot leo: [full body flailing] AAAA 

[sieron boops the magic sigil of the campaign's enemy with the brand of the same sigil on his hand, which does weird things] michael: so sieron, your arm hasnt been injured, right? it's not bleeding? jorb: ...no michael: okay. [stands up and leaves] leo: UHHHHHH 

michael: and sieron, you get sucked through the wall. leo: NOPE. I GRAB HIM. IM RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, I GRAB HIM

"You grab on to Sieron's coat... and the both of you get pulled through." 

AND THE SESSION ENDS ON TAURE BANGING ON THE WALL AND SCREAMING, WITH CHARLIE AND SIERON POTENTIALLY LOST ON ANOTHER PLANE. HOLY SHIT 

oh my god that was so cool though???? this session was SO FUN i had such a good time aaaAAAaaa 

"please don't fuck in the other dimension."

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: the day without dawn / 7.23.19

last time on d&d, we escaped the castle in the dead grove

this time on d&d, we're going back, because WE FUCKED UP

[everyone rolls arcana]

DM: [scary] There is nothing in [this book] about this. charlie: [voice cracks] SWEET,

charlie: so i cast darkvision on me, and i now have eyeballs

halvkar: [booming evil voice] It is customary to kneel before a god. charlie: [leans over and puts her middle finger up] 

halvkar: You do not need to fear, child. charlie: [shrill] IM FEARING A WHOLE LOT 

halvkar: [laughs] charlie: [quietly] oh man, hes got an evil laugh and everything

[giggling during a serious scene bc i accidentally hit the X mark we use to denote dead tokens so charlie just Died for a sec] 

charlie dissociates for a hot sec 

(pepper stood on my keyboard) 

"shes kinda dumb, she has a wisdom score of no" 

OH GOD I THINK SIERON JUST GOT POSSESSED 

taure: mozzy. time to fart. 

SHIT. FUCK. SHIT SHIT SHIT 

PLOT ): 

jorb: what CAN i do? summer: fart solar: perish! summer: fart 

[taure screaming nonsense]

IM CRING, MOZZY CAST THE ULTIMATE FART

THIS IS HOW WE'RE GONNA DEFEAT THE GODKING 

solar: can we break the fire bra penn: its a hot bra, can we break it 

charlie: [tries to hold sieron's hand, nearly gets burned] WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT! [SMACKS HIM WITH HER QUARTERSTAFF] 

also, right before this: summer: [charlie] can't stand up to a smoke fucker. 

"[crying] i love this fart" 

kaepora is stuck in the fart

"sieron's stuck in a cutscene, it's fine!" 

taure: [swings sword through halvkar] FIGHT! ME! YOU! COWARD! [ENTIRE CALL GOES "OOOOOOOOO"] 

"its double movement to fly through the fart zone" 

charlie: [blows up the brazier] [grins at halvkar] WHAT NOW, BITCH? 

CHARLIE AND TAURE KEEP PISSING HALVKAR OFF ITS GREAT 

"you have disadvantage, roll again"

HOLY SHIT TAURE CAST "COMPELLED DUEL" ON HALVKAR

AW IT DIDNT WORK 

THAT WAS SO FUCKING BALLSY

WE FARTED SOMEONE OUT A WINDOW 

thorne: you know what? i can see the other undead from here. thorne, who can snipe anyone they can see: I CAN SEE THE OTHER UNDEAD FROM HERE. 

ALL SHALL ENTER THE FART ZONE 

charlie: im gonna firebolt the one closest to mozzy. [rolls a 1] FUCK. I DID MY COOL SHIT FOR THE DAY 

"kaepora doesnt really want to enter the fart zone," 

FART ZOOOOONE 

thorne is just. invisible the whole time btw. and fucking shit up but we cANT SEE THEM 

mozzy nearly farted TAURE out the window 

literally EVERYONE is calling it the fart zone btw. it is the legitimate term we use. 

MOZZY CAN FART INFINITELY 

"HE CAN'T ACTUALLY ENTER THE FART ZONE BECAUSE THE FART ZONE IS FULL!" 

IM GONNA CRY 

"could i combine firebolt and ray of frost to make really hot water?" 

"that's a terrible fire! here we go-- oh, that's even worse" 

[charlie sits a pew on fire, wonders why she did that] 

"solid snake is throwing acid!" 

ULTIMATE FART HAS KILLED MORE PEOPLE THAN THE REST OF THE PARTY 

MOZZY GOT NAT20 ON HIS FIRST DEATH SAVING THROW :D 

i tried to shove an undead into the fire but i rolled a 2 

[charlie voice] thats so fucking valid 

EVEYRHTING IS ON FIRE

[starts singing tokyo house party] THE FIRE'S SPREAD TO THE BASEMENT NOWWWWWW / TO EVERY PART OF MEEEEE EEE EEEEE

havent been tweeting bc ive been alternating between combat and my cat :V 

charlie jumps out a window 

time for a mercy kill ): 

(uldnvard is the guy we just mercykilled)

[emotional moment] ... charlie: is mozzy on FIRE? 

charlie: [serious] you have seen me light shit on fire. i will do it for you.

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: the dead grove, pt 2 / 7.14.18

note: this is the first introduction of Thorne! i love thorne. why did i never properly write introduction notes for anybody

-

Charlie Punches A Hellhound With Magic

thorne fingerguns at the hellhound and it dies 

"HOLY SHIT, A HORC!" 

THORNE, WHIP IT! WHIP IT GOOD! 

taure: do you know the saying, the friend... the enemy of my enemy of my friend? charlie: THE FRIEND OF MY FRIEND IS MY ENEMY 

(penn: our 2 charisma characters stumble through conversation leo: charlie has a good amount of charisma but you would not believe it from how i speak ic as her)

[everyone harmonizes in screaming] 

[charlie aggressively encourages sieron to talk to the other horc in the party] 

We Will UnFuck The Situation

[patchdotexe]

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: 4.7.19

note: this is the last liveblog i did, so there’s... i think 2 sessions that’re undocumented? which is unfortunate bc something really important happens in those HJKFDHGJ (the introduction of Silje and also we hatched an egg Taure’d been carrying around since we first met the Oracle)

-

PREVIOUSLY, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS:

"You grab on to Sieron's coat... and the both of you get pulled through." "Whatever happened to Chase Wickfield?" "FUCKER" 

im actually starting the thread a little bit early bc we're getting a New Member and michael's helping him get set up! :D

Time For Taure To Cry 

Michael: so thorne, youre sitting there-- solar: --barbeque sauce on my titties--

"pact of the book thing?" 

"DID YOU JUST KILL THORNE?!" 

charlies dead on arrival bc the portal exploded GSHSJDHDHD (SHES NOT DEAD. YET.)

taure flipped out and destroyed the sigil, so when sieron and charlie return it EXPLODED and they both got flung out unconscious 

TAURES MOM IS A RAT 

we got to do a recap about the mini session! 

[charlie voice] Why Are You Like This 

[sieron voice] i think me and charlie should share a bed! [charlie voice] why? [SILENCE] 

leo: we exiled thorne! solar & penn in unison: THORNE EXILED HIMSELF! 

"taures the PHYSICAL cock blocker." 

time to level up!

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: other side of the wall / 3.26.19

PREVIOUSLY, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS........ "You grab on to Sieron's coat... and the both of you get pulled through."

basically we're doing a mini-session of what happened to charlie and sieron and i am SO excited and also got to cuddle my cat on camera (again) 

[accidentally interrupts michael's narration bc pepper was trying to eat an eraser] 

"hold on, i have to rp while petting my cat" 

"[singsong] we have made a lot of mistakes leading up to this moment~" 

"...and charlie steps out from behind [sieron] and goes IM HERE TOO, YOU BITCH!" 

"IM SORRY I STOLE YOUR GRYPHON! I mean-- uh-- [nervous gibberish]" 

"[singsong, again] i know more than sieron does~" 

"[charlie voice] im here too-- AH FUCK I DONT KNOW ANYTHING" 

"remember how we dont have a sun? --that's not in character." 

"[burying head in hands] jorb im gonna kill you." 

"[charlie voice] 'WE SPENT TEN MINUTES!!' and then she tilts back her head and goes UUUUUGUGRGHHHHHH"

"im not saying it's BAD that we killed them! im saying NOW WHAT?" 

"you may have a... strange companion." sieron: it's okay, i already have several. [nudges charlie] charlie:

"OH MY GOD HE WAS ASKING A DEMIGOD FOR VEGETABLES?!"

"i foolishly stumbled into this mess, and i'll foolishly stumble out!"

"she tucks her hands in her pockets, and looks up at the oracle and says... 'Whatever happened to Chase Wickfield?'"

HAHA WOW :,D 

"--and then the Oracle speaks and says "Wait, Charlie, I mean litera--" [cuts off]" "FUCKER"

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: raid on house dalton, pt 1 / 3.5.19

last time on arvus i was sick but we got back to artevon! and... thats the gist of my liveblog. WHOOPS. its been several months so i kinda dont remember anything :D;;; 

thorne immediately got distracted because ducks exist 

bibble is the harbinger of destruction, and also charlie tried to put a cat harness on him and failed 

we kILLED CAILLOU! 

we got like 50 platinum for killing caillou (we didnt get it for killing caillou but) 

holy shit, ok so part of charlies backstory is she tried to break into  the estate of a very powerful house that runs half of theral? and now  we're gonna break into it bc it turns out theyre super evil, and bc of  her previous shenanigans charlie knows the layout!

solar: [charlie voice] hhrrggnngh, sieron! i keep trying to sneak around house dalton, but the clap of my asscheeks keeps alerting the guards! 

[everyone fitting their dice into their mouth] 

time to commit a crime! 

HAVING TROUBLE ROLLING MY IRL DICE BC I WAS SITTING WEIRD its fine. its fine . i THINK i read my dice correctly 

penn: IT'S DONKEY KONG! IM A HUGE FAN! summer: HE'S THE LEADER OF THE DK CREW! jorb: HE SAID TRANS RIGHTS! 

me and jorb BOTH failed our stealth checks epically and got caught near immediately F 

michael: charlie, i need you to make a constitution saving throw summer: i have a plus 5, that should be okay... [rolls] [looks horrified] [holds up dice to camera to show i rolled a nat 1]

[charlie does fingerguns to use a twinned firebolt] 

AND THEN CHARLIE AND SIERON DID A POINT BLANK FIREBOLT AT THE SAME TIME ON THE SAME DUDE FROM TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS AND JUST ANNIHIALTED HIM 

[stimflaps so hard my headset falls off] 

michael: the balgura, in abyssal, says "TRANS RIGHTS!" 

AAH I FORGOT TO SAY when charlie and sieron got caught, charlie made eye contact with the guard, held a finger up, and went "shh" and then he sounded the alarm

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: 10.25.18

last time: taure got t-posed on 

POWER WORD: WHOMST 

power word whomst set off a cough rip me 

charlie has been incapacitated by Power Word: Whomst 

"do we remember the name of the person that sent us on this quest?"

NOTE SOLAR ROLLING DESPITE NOT HAVE MET THE PERSON AT ALL 

taure: look if they call the cops we gotta book it charlie: YOU ARE THE COPS 

thea: do you have the information i requested of you? charlie: [intended to be out of character] yeah we have the papers that house dalton is made of fuck! michael, with webcam on: [falls over dying]

solar: we need to hold onto it until its like "you know that favour? yeah, we need you to OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT." 

so it has been almost 2 years IRL since ive last been in artevon and i dont remember jack shit 

"can our favour be that we level up?" 

awkward moment: i dont actually know what charlie would Do in artevon bc i dont even know what she was doing before she joined up w/ the party asides from "crime" also sometimes my brain breaks when im put in too big a sandbox 

solar: you could use it to poison people! jorb: does poison count as a seasoning?! michael: it is to white people!

michael: [describing taure reuniting with her gf] solar: and then they fuck michael: do you fuck her? penn: do i have to roll for that?

[singing the Fantasy Costco theme in the bg] 

ARMOR UP YOUR DOG 

michael: ...where did you leave bibble? penn: Shit leo: oh god 

penn: can you tell me what pot of greed does? leo: IT ALLOWS ME TO DRAW TWO CARDS AND ADD THEM TO MY DECK