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gothwineaunts · 1 year ago

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Wow, hello!

So, I was actually feeling pretty motivated to write this post yesterday. But things have gotten exponentially worse, and I admit the pressure is getting to me. There seem to be a ton of expectations surrounding what I should be saying here, in order to… I guess, absolve myself? As if there’s a checklist people want me to go through to perform the “perfect” creator apology. But, I don’t see the point. I care a lot about this community and I think you deserve something a lot more sincere than some hollow chat-gpt apology. I understand that that’s foolish, on my part. Things are done that way so often because they work. But what you’ll find throughout this post, is that I’m kind of an idiot about some things. I’m stubborn and hard-headed and a little bit pretentious. And so, what I’m planning to do here is to simply tell you the truth about what happened. No cherry picking. All my mistakes, but also the context that goes with them. And at the end, my formal apology. This is a long and winding tale with a lot of characters. I’m going to be sharing some usernames as we go, in the interest of clarity and transparency. You’ll understand why with the context. But please do not seek these people out. Don’t pick fights with them. It will only make everything worse, for all involved.

Cool? Cool. But first I need to address the elephant in the room. This will probably seem like irrelevant drama at first, but this is the nuance and background that I wasn’t adequately able to articulate the night before last. In more ways than one, this is a story told in twos. The first set of twos is you, the readers. Who you are, and what you’re hoping to find out in this post.

1. The overwhelming majority of you, are earnestly wanting to understand what has happened in the Nevermore Discord. You are concerned that I am not who you hoped I was. You are disappointed, and I understand why. To you, I am so sorry. I want to say that things are not as bad as they seem, but that is not for me to decide. You will need to draw your own conclusions from the words I write. And I understand, whatever you choose to do next.

2. And there is a small, but incredibly vocal minority of people who are absolutely living for this. They are spreading complete fabrications with no screenshots to speak of. Horrible, horrible accusations. People who are more excited about watching a dumpsterfire than they are about the series that brought them here in the first place. I’m not going to attempt to cater to those people in this post. Because nothing will ever be good enough. Everything that can be taken in bad faith will be taken in bad faith. It would be pointless. But you’ll see them in the comments and reblogs. This is a known group to not only myself, but many others. I will share some of their names in a later section so you know who to watch for. They will make a lot of noise around this post because they’ve been trying to make something like this happen for actual years. And now that I had a genuinely concerning response that good people reasonably want me to explain, they’re lunging at the chance to throw absolutely anything at the wall. It’s parasocial levels of hatred. This is some deep and horrible lore.

The next set of twos is how two things can be true at the same time. And that is exactly what is going on here, in this situation. Let me be really clear, because I don’t want either truth to be lost in my explanation as they are intrinsically linked to one another.

1. I did a downright terrible job explaining myself in the Discord when people started asking about crimson. I can give you all kinds of contributing factors for this, and I might later. But none of them really matter. It was incredibly careless of me to use “egging them on” and “cried wolf” to describe what I understood. At the time I was really laser-focused on expressing what happened as simply and quickly as possible because the channel replies were paused and I felt like everyone was just waiting for me to be finished with my message. But after stepping back, I immediately understood how badly I messed up, because of course these idioms are routinely weaponized against survivors of SA and CSA. That is not how I intended to use them. It was an unfortunate case of one thing looking and sounding like another thing. Incredibly ham-fisted and irresponsible on my part. To the survivors who read my words and felt that it echoed their past experiences, I’m heartbroken that I did that to you. That lapse of judgement was a betrayal to both you and me. I don’t know where my head went, and I’m just blown away by my own lack of awareness in that message. So for that I am and will continue to be sorry.

2. The second thing that can be true is that, while you are all absolutely owed an explanation and an apology, there are also some people amongst you who are using this fuck-up on my part as a springboard to take me down. These people have been trying to get a call out post to pop off about me for at least a year, and they have been very quick to jump into the reblogs and comments about this very serious topic with complete lies and slander. Just, anything that might stick to the wall. We’ll address this later on as well. But please understand that me discussing the harassment I’ve faced from these groups is not at the expense of me also owning up to my faults and taking the proper accountability.

And the last set of twos is one I’ve alluded to in the first sets, concerning a pair of toxic side-servers that ran adjacent to the main Nevermore Discord. Completely unofficial cliques. And invisible to myself and Flynn and our mod team. We were eventually made aware that both of them were breaking laws and Discord ToS in ways that leaked into our server and affected our members negatively. As such, both groups were mass-banned. And the cliques are the ones running a majority of the discourse you’ve been seeing here, because while they are formally banned from the discord, we have absolutely no say in their participation on Tumblr. Now, keep in mind. Both of these groups were uncovered after crimson was banned the first time. That’s important later.

Clique #1

My understanding of the first group is that it started as a gaming server for people who met one another through the Nevermore Discord. I don’t know when or why it started being used to talk shit about other readers, but I do know that it got really vicious. And it was sort of an open secret for long before I knew anything about it. I found out after that there were a lot of people passively in this server, just observing. It was that much of a spectacle.

Now, this clique had been pretty rude. Like they’d try to start fights with me in the discord fairly often, both in the Patreon and free spaces. But it wasn’t grounds for dismissal until we found out about the baiting and the alts. These people had a lot of grievances, but one really united them: they were extremely upset about anyone who would ship Prospero.

Many of you know, that Prospero is an aromantic character, canonically. And you may notice that canonically, he has no apparent love interest. But this group wanted to make sure other readers were not thinking about Prospero in relationships, or creating ship content of him for any reason on the grounds that it would be considered a “proship.” I told them (and I stand on this) that it’s not up to them to police the thoughts of other readers, and that aromantic people have widely varying lifestyles and experiences and do not need to be infantilized that way.

This turned out to be a bad move on my part, because it brought with it an onslaught of alt accounts coming in and "innocently" kicking up what I now refer to as the “prosp-aro” debate every time they had the chance. But because of this and what a common occurrence it was, we started being able to pick out the alts. And we realized that this group of people had been using the same alt accounts with different names to antagonize certain readers they’d decided they hated, and it had gone on for a long time.

I did a lot of investigative work in dms trying to figure out who all was responsible for the harassment, and settled on a list that was vetted by three different people who knew about the clique. And all three of these people insisted that, while Laci was in the group and in a lot of the screencaps saying pretty dubious things, that she was good people. So I believe them, and let Laci stay. This group was banned on April 3, 2024, and contained the following users:

- lilnatx (nat)

- suitino (sushi)

- jj_the_jet_plane (layden)

- rivsticks (jasper)

- atheimee (athena)

- jinxs.com (lanx/jinx)

- smartestginger (nico)

- thereallandofbugs (bugs)

- rosienemui (rosie)

These were the names they were known by on the Discord. I don’t have the Tumblr accounts tied to these identities. But some might be the same. I know a lot of them are here. It should be noted that jinx was later unbanned due to pressure from Laci that they had been banned in error, after the fact. We allowed them back in after a few days as a favor to Laci since the situation seemed like it was very stressful for her. This would prove to be yet another a mistake since, as you have probably seen in the screenshots from the night before last, jinx rapidly escalated things to another level while I was trying to figure out how to handle crimson’s unbanning and subsequent rebanning an hour later.

Clique #2

Phew. Still with me? Great. The second group we needed to ban was one that actually started long before the first one, but was a lot smaller and comparatively more subtle. This group, to my knowledge, cropped up around the time that ep. 39 of Nevermore was released. (11/10/22) We knew about this group but not who all was involved in it or in what capacity for a very long time. They would consistently post things on Tumblr trying to start a scandal. I recall posts alleging that we were racists, or SA apologists, or that we were sending death threats to a random confessions account.

To be clear, these allegations are completely false. This clique will say anything. Like a recent post one of them put up during this discourse said that hiwi (our mod) is both a r*pe apologist and a childhood friend of mine and that’s the only reason she hasn’t been banned. Hiwi is absolutely nothing of the sort, and I have never met her in person. In fact, she lives on the other side of the continent.

Now, this clique is a little different than the first. The first, to my knowledge, was a group of friends that got toxic and felt morally superior about their opinions and it all kind of got away from them. The vibe was a little catty, I guess. Gossipy. But this clique has more of a stalker vibe. It’s dark.

They’ve had it out specifically for me for as long as I can remember. And some of them (at least one, at all times) would subscribe to our patreon, both to sow dissent in our stream chats and also to leak literally all the content back to the others, including me talking about random shit like what I ate for lunch. Just so they could like. Laugh about it, I guess. I’ll never understand why. [Editing note: because in the final moments of proofreading this post I see one of these people has made some master post about what a terrible person I am? A lot of those screenshots are from Patreon channels and the guy STILL has them laying around. I’m telling you, they stole everything that wasn’t nailed down.]

The biggest grievance this clique had is that any ship with Montresor is an “SA fetish ship” because to them he is a r*pist because of how he made Ada bark (?) and since Montrada is canon, that means we are supporters of SA, and that Morella and Ada should be together instead. Listen, I’ll level with you, this one baffles me. I don’t even know how to begin to untangle it. But if you see a lot of vitriol about us being SA apologists from these users, it’s because Montresor exists. That’s pretty much it.

You can ask them for screencaps ‘til you’re blue in the face, but unless they build fake ones from the ground up, they’re never going to be able to back up their wild claims. Simply put, they’re provocateurs, and they use the scariest words they can to whip people up into a panic.

We became aware that they were leaking patreon content when one of them was caught publicly referring to things that were being said behind a paywall when we knew they weren’t a patron. It unraveled from there. People who knew about their antics shared screenshots and information with us, and we finally realized the scope of the clique’s hatred and banned whoever was even left in the Nevermore Discord. But they continue to be active in the community on tumblr. You’ll have seen them around. They were banned on 5/11/2024 and the names involved are as follows (again, a mishmash of discord names, nicknames, and tumblr accounts):

- percy (gremlinguy145 on tumblr)

- queenmorningrose (annabel-lee-nevermore on tumblr)

- spoopycactus630 (spoopy-nevermore-dump on tumblr)

- grif/horrorshow (conscience-grim on tumblr)

- unreqiknizd

- duke aralt (westofthestyx)

- eden (sapphic-mad-scientist on tumblr)

- priemium

Again I’d like to reiterate. The point in sharing these names is not to incite any sort of response against these people. But they are folding themselves into the fray and doing what they can to whip everyone else up into a mob, and all as we’re talking about a discord server that they have been banned from for months now. The above context is also relevant for the next section, which is why you’re all here in the first place.

What the hell happened with Crimson?

I hope it’s not confusing, but now we’re going back to 3/14/2024, before anything I just outlined above had come to light. The cliques were quietly doing their harassment and baiting and raiding and whatever-the-hell behind the scenes, but Flynn and I and the mods were blissfully unaware of how bad it was getting. We get a dm from Laci. The same Laci who was part of Clique #1 and was rescued from being banned with the others by her friends outside the group. Jinx’s friend, who managed to get them unbanned as well. You have probably seen these screencaps already, but I will show them to you again, just in case.

Sufficed to say, we were immediately alarmed by the information Laci shared in her DM with us. Now, I want to be very clear about this because it’s been lost in the game of telephone. What Laci outlines in her dm to me, were the events that occurred between six users (including crimson) in a group chat with minors. Everyone in the evidence was censored (pfp and username), as was the image that crimson showed them. When I asked, Laci agreed to give me one name of one of the minors in the dm. I’ll call them Alice, but that is not their real name. I asked if I could talk to Alice about this, I was told by Laci, no. Alice doesn’t want to talk. I was like, ok I understand, that’s fine.

I hope it makes sense when I say that it is not feasible for us to moderate the things that happen in peoples’ dms. As you’ve seen above, the mod team doesn’t usually get involved with drama unless whatever is happening is directly affecting the experience people are having in the Nevermore Discord because that is all we can see and the only place we have any real authority. But this was obviously a special case. We banned crimson very quickly without asking any follow-up questions, because of course we did!? I’ve seen people say I’m harboring or defending crimson or that we’re buddies but we barely spoke, ever. They were a stranger to me then, and they still are now.

But something about the entire situation wasn’t adding up to me. And I want to be clear that none of this is in any way meant to discredit csa survivors, I’m really just trying to put you in my headspace and walk you through my thought process. But I found that the evidence was just, sort of strange. Laci started her dm explaining that she found this information out because she and a group of people were investigating crimson for ‘art tracing’ which felt, to me, like a bizarre non-sequitur and totally irrelevant next to the evidence of them showing nsfw content to minors. Petty, kind of. Like I wanted to ask – why were you doing that in the first place? People trace Flynn’s art all the time. As long as they’re not selling it, it’s not a big deal.

Most of the crops are from a PC but the windows are oddly small, and only contain a couple messages at a time. Some have American formatted time and some have European formatted time. So different users, I assume? The names were blotted out, which I would understand for a public call-out but not for a private report to the mod team. Laci was not in this gc at any point in time, despite being the one to report.

One of the users was apparently 12, to which I ask – what is a 12-year-old doing on discord at all? If we knew who they were, we would have reported the account. Discord is not a safe place for a child that age, let alone a small group chat. Along with 18-year-old Crimson, there was also a 22- and 17-year-old in the chat, which left us wondering – why hadn’t anything been done?

I had no evidence that anyone ever told crimson they were minors, and I feel if it existed, it would have been in the screencap dump (I find that sometimes a noticeable lack of key evidence is evidence in itself). No one seems to have tried to kick crimson from the group chat or report their account for inappropriate behavior. Then there’s the fact that this is a group chat. Anyone in it can leave at any time.

Then I came across the messages that started this whole gc, and it only got stranger when I realized Alice started it, called it “Women Lovers” and created it “so we can talk about Nevermore women without having to filter ourselves” after they all reacted to a sultry but sfw drawing of Lenore that crimson had made and posted in our hideout channel. And all that made me wonder why Alice didn’t just kick crimson, if she had admin power? Do you see what I mean? It’s just all a bit head tilty. I noticed it at the time. But I said nothing. Because it didn’t matter. Crimson, no matter what happened, exposed minors to nsfw content. And that’s on them. And I’ve never in my life defended it. We banned them.

Crimson was beside herself. She came off humiliated and apologetic, and insisted she had no idea and begged to come back to a community she said she loved. But we told her no, there’s no coming back from doing what she did.

Time passes and we uncover Clique #1. And while we figured out who the main players were, I dmed with Laci. And it was Laci herself, who tells me that it was Alice who made most of Clique #1’s alt accounts, and that it was Alice who used those alt accounts to harass people and try to get them to start fights or say something that might get them in trouble.

And I’ll be honest with you, the mod team still didn’t think much of it, outside of – we need to figure out which accounts were the alts. So we did. We had several confirmed to us. And those accounts were zeroing in on certain users that the clique didn’t like. At the time we noticed two notable targets in addition to the mod team. I won’t name them, it’s their business if they want to weigh in about all that. But in screencaps, they’ll be labeled Target #1 and Target #2.

More time passes and Clique #2 comes to light. As you can imagine, by now we’re feeling disillusioned, and very tired of trying to moderate shit we cannot see for ourselves. And that’s when crimson comes back to very hesitantly ask if they might be able to appeal their ban. It wasn’t until then that it occurred to us that Laci (on behalf of Alice) was the only one who ever reported anything to us about Crimson.

And I want to just say that again. Because it’s gotten lost too. Laci was the only person who ever reported Crimson. There was not one single other person who ever sent a modmail or a dm or even a ping to anybody on the mod team. I have since (only yesterday) seen some screencaps that are rather skin crawly, but even those happened in yet another side server. Thinking on this, the mods went back through the known alt accounts Alice had used. And they found that Alice harassed crimson both on her main account and on the same alt accounts that she used to harass the other targets.

By now, Alice is banned for completely unrelated reasons. Not because of what happened with Crimson. I’ve seen that one flying around and I’m sorry it’s just not true. It’s because she was relentlessly harassing and cyberbullying people in the discord we moderate. Laci is still there, but had lost my trust, for being involved with both the drama I’ve mentioned here and more that I don’t care to dip into. It’s ultimately irrelevant. But what am I going to say to Laci? “Hey, did you and Alice, by any chance, coordinate some kind of bizarre trap together to get crimson banned from the discord because you suspected them of tracing their art?” And once again. Because I want to keep this top of mind. Even if that were the case, it doesn’t make what Crimson did alright, and it never will. Sharing nsfw content in front of minors is a disgusting thing to do. And one that we frankly are really irritating about in the moderation of the discord. I’ve heard people say that we over-moderate when it comes to art.

But all this stuff about a “known pedophile?” If it was known, then we were on the outs. And to even this minute right now, I don’t have any conclusive evidence that Crimson is a pedophile. The evidence I have is that Crimson shared nsfw with a group of people whose ages they did not know. Which is fucking gross. It’s an adult’s responsibility to make sure they’re speaking with other adults before posting things of that nature.

But at the time, the way I read the situation is that Crimson had only just stopped being a minor and was egregiously negligent in how they were speaking and what they were posting, likely in part due to them not being aware enough of their adult responsibilities. And hey. I know some of you are chomping at the bit. You can call me naïve for this! This is what I’m referring to when I say that I can be a real idiot. But I feel everyone has been very quick to call Crimson a pedophile. I know this is pedantic to say, but the prerequisite for being a pedophile is “being attracted to minors.” Based on the information I had at my fingertips, I did not think Crimson sought out these minors. Crimson was invited to the gc, they did not ask to join.

I have seen discussions about all the things crimson did to their victims since we unbanned them but I have not seen screencaps to support that whole ‘marriage proposal’ thing, and again I think it sounds a bit odd coming as a pedophilia accusation from someone only one year younger than crimson.

But you know what? I don’t know crimson. Maybe we were wrong. But even if we weren’t, I realize in hindsight that it was a stupid decision for the mod team to give them a second chance. We didn’t have anyone to consult about what happened because all the other people in the chat had been obscured from me and I didn’t feel like Laci would give me a straight answer.

The mods and I felt at the time that crimson, like the other targets of Clique #1, had been singled out and that they deserved another very closely monitored chance in the discord, which they said they still missed dearly. I’m a bleeding heart, alright? A total sap. I know that. But being honest with you, I felt bad. It feels horrible to be singled out and targeted. And I was probably too close to that feeling at the time, seeing as we were on the tail end of finding out the Clique #2 had pursued me so relentlessly for so long.

So for my part, I’m sorry. I made a rash decision that was influenced by some very personal circumstances. And we should have left it alone. Based on the evidence I've seen, I don’t know if I personally would call crimson a pedophile and certainly I wouldn't call them a known pedophile, but I am regretful that we risked it either way.

When I was trying to explain all of this in the west common room channel two nights back, things had boiled over and were already getting out of hand very quickly. A lot of brand new accounts were joining the discord with one word intros just to start conflicts in the public server with crimson. Alts. Either from banned users or burner accounts. And I got panicky. One of the mods paused the messages in west common room but no one besides me was available to handle the situation at that moment. Reacts about being silenced were pouring in and I felt pressured to quickly take over and try to explain.

In my rush, I stupidly didn’t backread more than a quick skim. And I ate shit, y’all. You saw. One thing I want to state outright. I’m talking a lot about my thoughts and my feelings and it’s because I don’t wanna speak for Flynn or for the mods. But I didn’t make this decision alone. In fact, I was dragging my feet and being really lazy about okaying the whole thing. Just because I was busy, not because I was fretting over it or anything. But I had to be pinged and then literally tapped on the shoulder by Flynn, asking me to respond to mod chat when this was being discussed earlier that day. That doesn’t change the fact that I was part of the decision. I agreed to unban crimson. Foolishly. I understand that, now.

I hope that now it makes some more sense though, how it came to happen. I never meant to hurt anyone. My own past and present feelings got in the way, and I own that. But in the moment, my personal intention was to give crimson a second chance because I felt that they’d been targeted by Clique #1. Not to ignore anyone’s concerns or make them feel unsafe, even if those were the ultimate outcome.

So, completely underprepared and defensive, I jumped into west common room and I just. Blew it. Totally fucking blew it. I knew it instantly but it’s hard to stay logical when people are telling you you’re vile and evil and they’re sick that they ever thought you were a good person and that they’ll never see you the same way again. My mind went blank and I don’t really remember much of what happened next. But I said what I said, and I should have done better.

I wish there was a word bigger than sorry. I’m beside myself. I know there was probably a way to make everyone happy. To make everything okay. But I wasn't clever enough to figure it out in the moment, and it eats at me. So it’s like I’m sorry for my poor judgment and my terrible choice of words, but there’s another layer where I’m also sorry for not matching how wonderful this community is with how wonderful (or well, unwonderful) I was two nights ago. I promise I am going to work harder to be better for you all.

Again, to every victim of SA and CSA, my heart is with you, more personally than you might realize. I don’t think I could have handled my explanation in a worse way. And I’m so so sorry.

Moving forward, I am also going to take an enormous step back from moderating and participating in the discord in general. I feel like a lot of this happened because I was still treating it like it belonged to a smaller fandom, like Shiloh’s. But realistically, I don’t have time to both moderate and make the series itself, and I really dragged my feet on being honest with myself about that. And for that too, I apologize. We’re going to get more mods, they’re going to have full control of the moderation, and Flynn and I are going to do what we love more than anything in the world and just make Nevermore.

I understand if you won’t be there for it. This is not a flattering picture I’ve painted for you. And you’d be well within your rights, to decide not to give us another chance. But it's been a pleasure to lurk here in this wildly talented corner of tumblr. And I’ll never forget it. <3 Yours truly, -Kit Trace

#red post #nevermore webtoon #cw pedophila mention #cw sa mention

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mortellanarts · 9 months ago

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....did I say 24k words 🫣

No one here follows me for writing but I would like to inform the chapter 2 of this is only 3/5 done and already double the word count of chapter 1 which means 24k so far lmao they were not kidding that post-ztd aftermath do have many characters to account for in conversation

#translators note Palavras means Words in Portuguese!#it probably won't keep going up exponentially though I have written down the other ⅖ I just need to edit #in fact it hit 50k before I started editing down the fourth section so in the process of that plus re-adding some things here and there #50k is probably the cap word count for this!#dang!

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lake-snz · 2 months ago

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Could You Zip Me Up? (f)

My friend asks me to come with them to the local outlet mall one April afternoon, and I, needing some new items myself, can’t think of any reason not to go.

After a quick sweep around the storefronts, we choose one to enter. Glancing around, I point my friend in the direction of some dresses in the back. We agree to split up for the time being. I take refuge in the front of the store, searching the racks for anything that catches my eye. I sift through the hangers, careful not to pull anything off in the process. I’m not alone. A worker stands not too far from me, seemingly in their own world, folding a pile of clothing.

I can’t be certain of why. It might be the pollen from being outdoors. It might be the store’s strong perfumes. It might even be a couple particularly dusty shelves. Whatever “it” is, it’s starting to sound my internal sneeze alarm. I sniffle helplessly, wondering to myself what the origins of this mystery tickle might be. The worker looks up from their pile, then back down again. It seems they’re trying not to pry into my obviously exponential struggle, a sentiment I appreciate. The wetness in my nose is beginning to make its way above my upper lip. I wish I had tissues with me, but I have none. I’m not good at preparing for allergy attacks in public; I prefer to believe I can handle even the strongest of itches. Instead of seeking out tissues immediately, I choose to look through a final rack.

Scrubbing under my nostrils, I think over the possibility of letting one fly. It’s tempting, and the mere idea excites my nose instantly. Coming alive and flaring, I allow the itchiness to become the sneeze that it wanted to be all along. With no tissues, I resort to turning my entire body away from the clothing rack. This way, I can coax it along without the stress of the worker watching my face contort with desperation. The tickle reaches its peak while my chest heaves. Hitching, I release the sneeze that was once trapped. Since my nose is already running, the sneeze presents itself in the form of a wet explosion. I catch it in my elbow and use my shirt sleeve to cover the mess of it all.

Now I really need a tissue. Sheepishly turning back toward the worker, I decide to head to the back of the store. Making brief eye contact with them as I pass, I silently thank them for not blessing me. This way, I can imagine they heard nothing at all.

I can only hope my friend is carrying some tissues today. I’m not sure how to tell them that if there’s nothing to blow my nose into, I won’t be able to stop sneezing.

I spot them in the clearance section, hidden behind mountains of clothes. Still sniffling, I decide to touch base on which items they found. My nose can wait. Or so I think to myself, wiping a finger under all the wetness. It doesn’t take long for them to take notice. Finally requesting some tissues, I bury my nose into one and blow. There’s some sort of allergen around, I just know it. Brushing off my sneezes as “unusual,” I try and hide that it’s an allergy attack. Unfortunately, my friend hasn’t seen anything yet.

It’s time to head to the fitting rooms… how will I cope with my insistantly sneezy nose being in such close proximity to a friend?

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krispdreemurr · 12 days ago

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man, in ch4 when you're walking around town in the rain, susie being so averse to entering the complex/building to the right of the alleyway entrance struck me. at first i thought it was because alphys lives there, but her dialogue is so vague, faltering, almost... pleading?

susie has always been pretty transparent about avoiding alphys, and has never beat around the bush about it like this. so now i'm like......... is that where she lives? if it is why is she so desperate not to go in. why is she drinking milk in the alleyway when her home is right there. i know we were already worried about her home life but my concern is only growing exponentially,,,

no yeah I definitely think she lives there w her insistence on your house. and especially after at the start of that section her saying "let's go home", but she refuses to go to her own house...

#deltarune spoilers #ch4

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sugrhigh · 1 year ago

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RUMORS - ( c.s )

REQUESTED**

summary: you and chris have known each other for a long time, and you’ve always had an inescapable crush on him. when you all go to tara’s party and fans see them together for the first time, speculation begins to circulate, and you begin to pull away in fear that he likes her as more than a friend

warnings: angsty in the beginning, fluffy in the end :) some swearing a kiss and that’s it really

bff!chris x fem!reader

a/n: i loved this concept and i hope i brought it to life well for the anon that requested <3 my inbox is always open for u guys #kisses

@fawnchives @l9vesick @mattinside @sturnioloco @sturniolossss @cupidsword @teapartyprincess4two @princessbetsy123-blog @cookiehaos @sturnlova @junnniiieee07 @vsangel-starbies @chrissystur

doom scrolling online is like a car crash that you can’t look away from; especially when it involves your friend and your long term crush. you’ve been laying in bed scouring the internet for the past hour, pouring over comments about and tara and chris.

ever since her last party, when fans actually saw them publicly interacting for the first time, the gossip has gotten out of control. people want them together, and you hate to admit that it makes you sick to your stomach.

hell, you’d been the one to introduce them, since tara had become your friend first. but you and chris go all the way back to childhood; you were best friends with him and his brothers in your early years of school, and then you moved to another town after your dad accepted a new position.

you kept in touch through social media and occasional texts after that, until you all found yourselves in LA fresh out of high school, alone in an unfamiliar city across the country.

their youtube channel had taken off, and you’d gained a large following after you’d finally been recognized for your photography due to some big-name collabs. you were all in the same vulnerable position, and because of this your friendship with the three of them started right back up where it left off.

the rest is history. it’s been two years now, and you’ve all grown exponentially, fully adjusted to LA and the recognition, comfortable with where you are in your lives professionally and personally.

you spend nearly every week with the triplets, doing anything and everything together. they’ve made the occasional homesickness bearable, been your rock through the hard times, and supported you like no one else.

but things are a little different with you and chris. he’s your best friend, the person you want to tell everything to first. it’s always been that way, really. you had feelings for him at 13, and now at 20 years old you love him even more.

but that doesn’t mean you have to love him being shipped with every female influencer on the planet.

it’s selfish, really, to want chris to yourself, considering his occupation and the fame that comes with it. tara is a good person and an even better friend, and you shouldn’t be angry over the idea of them dating.

still, it’s been consuming your mind ever since you saw the first post about the two of them a few days ago, and you’ve been checking social media every hour since.

you’re about to read through yet another comment section when your phone buzzes, a notification appearing at the top of the screen.

chris

can you pls answer me

i don’t like this silent treatment thing

your stomach flips. he’s been texting you things like this for the past few days, since you started distancing yourself after the party.

the whole night he had acted as if he was into tara; always making conversation, asking to dance, posting her on his story. even when you were right next to him, it still felt like he was miles away.

so of course it’s been upsetting you, and you figured rather than taking it out on either of them you would just remove yourself from the situation.

it seemed like the best option in the moment, but it still sucks. you hate not talking to him, not seeing his face or feeling his arms wrap around you in a familiar hug.

another text pings, snapping you out of your spiral once more.

chris

i don’t know what’s wrong but you’re scaring me

the message makes your eyes burn, and you blink away the tears. you don’t want him worrying about you, especially when it’s your own stupid feelings getting in the way of things being normal.

you sigh, tapping out a response and staring at it, debating back and forth whether you should actually press send. but he beats you to a response, and another string of texts come through.

chris

i can see you typing

i’m coming over

y/n

no don’t do that, everything is fine

chris

i don’t believe you

and i already left my house

it’s only a five minute walk to get from his place to yours, and you know he’s too stubborn to actually turn around, no matter how hard you plead. you’ve already broken out into a nervous sweat just thinking about the confrontation.

but at this point you owe it to him and yourself to be honest. you just hope you don’t get your heart broken in the process.

y/n

fine, doors unlocked

i’m in my room

a few minutes later you hear the front door slam open and closed, just to see chris peek his head around the corner of your room moments later. you’re still curled up in bed, too scared and tired to move, so he takes the liberty of coming to you.

“hey.” he says softly as he sits down.

“hi.” you mumble, wrapping your blanket against your chest tighter.

it’s not cold, but you’re so anxious that you’re shivering. chris notices and puts a hand on your covered knee, rubbing small circles against the joint. he looks so sweet, clad in his blue fresh love hoodie with his hair all curly from showering.

“what’s up? i haven’t heard from you all week, and nick was about ready to call the cops.” he tries to joke with a small grin.

you can’t bring yourself to match his energy, and your face remains grave as you attempt to swallow the lump in your throat.

“i’m alright, just tired.”

his face falls, and a slight frown replaces his smile. you know he’s not believing any of it for a second, and you’ve never been a very convincing liar.

“don’t do that, you’re obviously not alright. and i’m not trying to be pushy or anything, but i feel like you’re shutting me out.” chris replies quietly.

you shift a little bit so you can sit up properly, back resting against the headboard as you gaze at him. his hand remains on your thigh, a source of comfort while you try to pick your words wisely.

“i’m not trying to push you away, chris. i just…wanted to give you space.” you continue to dance around the truth.

he looks even more confused, eyebrows furrowed like you’re speaking another language. “that’s nice and all, but i don’t want it.”

“well maybe i do.” you shrug.

you’re lying through your teeth, but chris’s eyes go wide regardless. you’ve shocked him into silence, which rarely ever happens. he’s just staring at you, the gears in his mind turning as he tries to figure out what could possibly be wrong.

“are you serious? did i do something that i don’t know about?” chris asks, clearly exasperated.

he removes his hand from your leg, dropping it back in his lap. the small act alone makes your heart sink, and you feel the question crawling its way out of your mouth before you can help it.

“do you like tara?”

it hangs in the air, and you’ve stumped him once again. chris shakes his head, clearing his throat while his face reddens slightly.

“i can’t believe you’re even asking me that.” he sounds genuinely astonished.

“what? why?” it’s your turn to be baffled.

“because i feel like all i ever do is flirt with you. i mean seriously, it’s embarrassing for me at this point.” chris reaches to scratch the back of his neck sheepishly.

your jaw drops, which makes you feel silly. throughout this whole relationship you felt like you were the one putting the moves on him, doing too much. you’d never once stopped to think about all of the little comments he would make.

“i, uh, guess i didn’t pick up on that.” you manage to reply.

you immediately wish you hadn’t, that you just kept your mouth shut. but he smiles widely at you, chuckling lightly.

“no shit.”

this makes you laugh too, and it feels good to experience at least a brief moment of normality between the two of you. things have felt tense for so long that you’d almost forgotten why you love being around chris in the first place.

you wait to calm down a bit before you decide to finally lay it all on the table. “i like you a lot, chris. and i don’t want to mess up the dynamic we have, because you mean the world to me. but i’d be lying to myself if i said i didn’t want to be with you.”

he’s still grinning, though you can tell he’s gone a little shy now hearing you admit your feelings. this moment is all he dreamed about for so long, and now it’s finally happening in a realm outside of his own brain.

“i want that too, and i’m a dumbass for taking this long to say it. so no, i’m not interested in tara like that. it’s always been you.” chris confesses, reaching to interlock your fingers.

you’ve held hands before on many occasions, but it’s different now in the best way. butterflies erupt in your stomach as he leans in, and you can smell the fading hints of minty body wash on his skin.

you tilt your head so your mouths finally meet, soft and slow as you both finally enjoy the kiss you’ve been yearning for for so long. he tastes sugary, like the lollipops he’s always got between his teeth, and you’re already addicted.

chris pulls away a minute later, his lips reddened and glistening from the contact. you giggle slightly from the unfamiliarity of the situation, glancing down at your linked hands.

“your lips are so soft.” he praises, still awestruck that he finally got to kiss the girl he’s loved since he was a preteen.

“take a girl out to dinner first, jeez.” you joke playfully.

chris rolls his eyes, but he smiles nonetheless. “i think i will, actually. you got any plans tomorrow?”

you tap your chin with your free hand like you’re contemplating your schedule. “i can probably squeeze you in.”

“you better. everyone else can get in line.”

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo fluff #sturniolo fluff #sturniolo #sturniolo x reader

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branmer · 3 months ago

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the pattern of certain parts of the tech industry grasping at straws so they can continue pumping money out of vcs to keep their bubble afloat continues to give us products no one actually wants and that serve no functional purpose

i love how shit all attempts at a metaverse have been. it's almost like the idea of living in a virtual reality is actually terrible and the real world is much more rewarding

#as usual the pursuit of profit above all screws everyone #literally every industry is getting fucked by this way of thinking lol lmao /starts weeping gently/#idk man maybe it's bad that we're basing our economy on exponential growth a thing that is impossible #this isn't a tech problem it's a human nature problem lol #always gonna have a section of grifters and losers doing this shit

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cripplecharacters · 1 month ago

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Hello! Thank you for your time!

My problem is the following: I have a completely deaf character who mostly communicates with hearing characters by reading their lips. Sometimes I will have him openly miss things and ask for repeats, but it’s mostly words he doesn’t know or things being said when he can’t properly see someone’s mouth or they’re speaking too fast/slow. It’s a first person pov and I was just wondering if him being able to communicate this way would be realistic. I know that lip reading is very difficult, but he has issues asking people for things in general, and I figured that would include accommodations. I have other deaf characters, they don’t/can’t lip read at all, and he speaks ASL with them.

I was also thinking that even the “complete” sentences of dialogue from his pov would be mostly guesses. After all it’s his pov and it would be fine for dialogue to be just what he figures it is, and not exactly what is being said. So, to be clear, I’m not writing somebody superhuman who can lip read extremely well, but someone who can lip read well enough to fill in gaps himself and communicate without much issue with hearing people. When writing sentences he mostly understands, I write a complete sentence including what he’s guessed. While when he catches just a few words, I write the words that he’s understood, and that’s it.

Is this fine? I can’t write third person to save my life, and I’m trying to make his portrayal as realistic as possible.

Hi!

Everything in the first paragraph sounds fine. Lip reading is challenging and exhausting, yes, but it is a valid and not uncommonly used communication method.

One thing to add, though, is that it's hard to lipread without auditory cues, or with too many like in loud environments, since a few clear sound cues can enhance understanding significantly. The fewer sounds one can hear and understand, the exponentially harder lipreading becomes.

For the second part, filling in gaps works. One thing I've seen used that I like is using dashes in the sentence to indicate missed sections, then the narration details the character working through what might have been said. For example:

"'--Ow can I --------- ay?' the cashier said, her voice temporarily muffled as she turned away from me."

Here's it's fairly clear from context clues that the cashier is saying "how can I help you today" or something along those lines, though it still will take a second to decipher. You can also fill in guesses through the narration, and show when he gets it wrong, if he asks another character to repeat themself or they correct him on what they actually said.

First person is actually a great way to put a reader into the shoes of a deaf character who's missing probably half of the conversation at best.

Mod Rock

#mod rock #deaf character #anonymous

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moon-brain-90 · 3 months ago

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My petty and superficial complaints about the Australian GP that are like 3 days late because I thought I posted it already.

The timing graphics: WHERE WERE THEY?? They'd put them up and then take them like 5 mins later, I spent like 10 minutes waiting and nothing. I ended up getting annoyed and just going to F1 tv on my phone and pulling up the data section to see the gaps but still annoying. I need to dead stare the gaps so I can feel the full range of emotions.

Whatever the hell the Louis Vuitton graphic was on the podium: what was that? It was atrocious like genuinely. What is wrong with their normal logo pattern? Why can't you just do those on a plain background or something. I saw the images of the podiums and thought i was hallucinating. It's so busy and tacky.

The lack of pitstop timing: I don't know if I missed them but my god I would have forgotten entirely that they do in fact time them if I didn't see the F1 post for fastest pitstops.

Coloring: I still hate the color of the fastest section on the graphics. I don't know what it is or if I just don't do change, but it's such a cold color it does not scream excellence like the old purple did😭

The radio messages: I'm confused why they were updated they look off and I dislike them exponentially.

#f1 #i did in fact say this was superficial and dramatic #formula 1 #charles leclerc #ferrari #scuderia ferrari #max verstappen #mclaren #red bull racing #lando norris #carlos sainz #oscar piastri #mercedes amg petronas #lewis hamilton #george russell

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animeyanderelover · 1 year ago

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I did something like this before with Dazai but I just sort of redid it again because I was in the mood.

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, touchiness, stalking, paranoia, controlling behavior, manipulation, guilt-tripping, isolation, abduction, pregnancy, C-section, mentions of non-con, Stockholm syndrome, baby-trapping, afab s/o

Tags: @lovley-valentine7 @leveyani @chxxz @shumidehiro @izanami78

Pregnancy Hc’s

Pluto

🐺You've always wondered if Pluto due to being a Demon Hound would go into rut as well now that apparently he has chosen you as his mate. You remember having done a lot of research on wolves. Now that you are permanently stuck with him in a den filled with clothes and blankets he has stolen from villages to keep you warm, you can't help but feel scared when you see the worst fits of winter slowly passing by and the snow melting. Breeding season is from February to March as you can recall and so you watch with growing caution and worry Pluto's behavior. He's recently acted strange. He always rubs his scent all over you, growls as soon as you dare to leave his vision and has been getting a lot more aggressive and irritated with every living being around his den. You fear the worst as he grows clingier and clingier until one day your worst fears are confirmed when sharp nails rip your old and worn-out clothes from your body as red pupils dilate and you feel his erection rutting against your entrance, irritated that he can't get in before he finally slips into you. He barely separates from you during his rut as he spends his time either breeding you or cuddling next to you protectively.

🐺You know that he would be the one who would notice your potential pregnancy first due to his enhanced senses and when he soon starts nudging your tummy with a satisfied rumble coming from deep within his chest and starts licking it, you take it as a confirmation that he succeeded in breeding you. You don't take the news well because you know that you have no doctor to visit and no midwife to help you when you'll eventually give birth. You only have Pluto with you who resembles from behavior and intelligence a wolf. You can't help but sob a bit when you realise that you'll have to essentially go through pregnancy and birth all by yourself. Pluto, distressed by your sorrow and stress, starts whining and tries to ease your distress by cuddling himself physically close to you. Obviously he doesn't understand what you are thinking right now or why you are so stressed in the first place. He only knows that he doesn't like to see you so panicked and sad, especially now that you carry pups.

🐺As the male wolf who sired the offspring developing in your tummy, he grows exponentially more protective as his instincts remind him that he is protector and provider for the mother of his children as well as the babies themselves. He starts hunting animals and even buries them for later. You do your best to light up a fire in here to cook the raw meat or just command Pluto to breathe fire for you, a useful trick you've taught him ever since he abducted you. A part of his brain also recalls occasionally what food you consumed when you were still living in a town and since food is now more important than ever with you gestating his young, he raids towns in his Hound form for food and brings it to you. You don't want to touch food that has been directly touched by his saliva when he spits it out in front of you but you accept canned food which Pluto remembers for his next hunt. Besides his hunt for food and his pursuit of everything that dares to get too close to his den, he spends all of his time wrapped around you. Either in his human or hound form.

🐺You notice that Pluto is confused when you don't give birth within spring and you assume it's because his kind usually gestates young quicker than a human. He whimpers as he presses his nose and ears confused against your swelling stomach as he looks up at you with concerned eyes. You assume that he can sense that the babies are developing fine inside of you as well as that you are healthy which only leaves him majorly confused. You can't help but wonder if you are still growing faster than a normal pregnant human would or if you are actually expecting more than one because you could swear that your stomach looks bigger than it should be already. The only thing you can do for now is wait though. Pluto grows more protective and anxious the more time passes by as his confusion and unease only grow as you don't give birth as well as seeing you starting to struggle as your belly swells and starts hindering you from moving around as much.

🐺As soon as you can confirm first movement and you realise how much movement it is, you can only silently confirm that you are definitely carrying more than one baby. When Pluto sees and feels the movement in your belly too, he lets out a few excited howls and starts licking your belly more from that day on to show you as well as the pups inside more affection. You really wish that he could talk like a normal human whenever he presses his ears against your stomach because you think that with his enhanced senses he might even be able to hear the heartbeat of the babies and can count them. You can only leave the den when he is with you and the more pronounced and rounded your stomach becomes, the more he insists that you ride on his hound form so that you don't tire yourself. He ususally remains in hound form as he watches you cleaning yourself in the river, his ears twitching and turning around with every small rustle and sound.

🐺When autumn arrives and the babies are still not born, his anxiety increases. He frantically starts stealing more food as well as clothes and blankets for you to prepare for winter. He's often wrapping himself around you in his hound form nowadays to keep you and your big belly all the time warm. You expect to give birth soon as you have done the basic calculation and at this rate you can't wait as your stomach has gotten so huge. Your labor starts and your water breaks in early winter as you spend hours upon hours with contractions. Pluto is emotionally just as distraught as you are as he cries and whimpers, licking your sweaty head as he tries to comfort and encourage you as you birth his kids. Nearly a day filled with pain later, you've given birth to three boys, all with his silver hair. If he'd have a tail right now, it would wag like crazy as he lets out what you assume are excited barks as he tenderly chews off their umbilical cord and licks them clean before he carefully pushes all of them against your chest. He pulls a few stolen blankets over his new family before turning into his hound form and wrapping himself protectively around his mate and freshly born litter.

Snake

⚕️Snake is a hybrid himself so chances of him experiencing something akin to mating season aren't unlikely. It will probably not be as strong with Snake who is normally always a more shy and insecure around you but there is an intense need for him during such periods to mate with you and breed. He is conscious of his sexual urges though and generally tries to avoid you during such times. He doesn't want to force the sexual act on you even if all of his snakes try to coax him into believing that he shouldn't resist his nature. Snake refuses though even if temptation is sometimes very strong when he feels the warmth of your body on his skin as his pupils go from their ususal slits to growing, black orbs as he feels his desire flaring up hotly inside his body. Sex during this period of time is rougher as the normally more submissive male becomes more dominate, although he tries to be more careful with you despite essentially being in heat.

⚕️As he eventually calms down from his heat and returns to his normal self, although highly ashamed and apologetic afterwards, his snakes and him soon sense that he has succeeded in what his heat-addled brain wanted to do. You're pregnant. He doesn't know how he should tell you and hesitates for a while. Snake is terrified that you'll be angry with him for impregnating you and also worries that you might reject the child to whom he seems to already form an attachment to. His golden eyes often focus on your stomach as he grows more protective and starts following you around more often. His snakes seem to try to tell you what Snake hesitates to speak out as they wrap themselves around your stomach protectively to protect the precious life inside. You can tell that something is going on but Snake still can't speak up. So far no one besides Sebastian seems to have caught on, the butler telling Snake in an amused tone that he should tell you soon as you are already suspicious.

⚕️He apologizes as soon as he has told you and you can see that he is visibly anxious and nervous for your reaction. At this point you've had your own suspicions already as your period has been late and you've started to experience some typical symptoms like a change of smell. You are a bit unsure because this pregnancy wasn't fully planned even if you were aware of Snake's intentions when you agreed to have sex with him during his heat but you also don't hate the baby and just decide to raise it together with him. Snake is visibly relieved when he hears your answer as his eyes water a bit. He's shaking a bit when he hugs you because he is excited, nervous and anxious all at the same time. Snake seems to be a bit unwilling to share the news initially with Ciel and all the other human servants as he is quite protective but he knows that it's necessary so he soon tells the Earl of Phantomhive about the fact that you're expecting. When Mey-Rin, Bardroy and Finny find out, they're busily congratulating him as well as suggesting names for the baby, even arguing over it.

⚕️Snake feels increasingly more uneasy and worried whenever he has to leave you alone so to not feel as anxious, he always leaves a few of his snakes in your company. All of his animal friends gladly do him the favor of looking out and guarding you and there is always at least one poisonous among those who stay with you. Just to be completely sure that nothing happens to you whilst you are pregnant. So you end up always having one snake gently wrapped around your neck whilst the other one is wrapped around your stomach for as long as it is still possible. Snake gets all flustered when you slowly start developing a baby bump, his hands trembling slightly when he touches your tummy with his hands carefully as if afraid that even the slightest touch could harm the precious life inside. He's more warily than ever when he brings you over to the mansion because all other servants, besides Sebastian, have been kind of asking him if he could let you visit. His snakes have been against it, it's only because you wanted to come over that he yields. He's still cautious and stays alerted because he knows that the servants in this mansion can be quite clumsy and he wouldn't want anything to harm you.

⚕️He has been sensing it for kind of a while now and his snakes have been too but Snake waits for a while to confirm his suspicion as your stomach swells with new life until the first kicks eventually happen. It's then that he can confirm that he has been sensing two lives within you and all of his snakes have done so too. He looks anxious when he tells you this because one child is already such a big responsibility. Two at once is even bigger of a responsibility though and he can't help but worry even if he is also equally as excited. At one point your stomach gets too big for some of his snakes to comfortably wrap around so instead they curl themselves over your stomach comfortably as soon as you sit down or lay in bed. You notice that they are often hissing, their tongue flipping out as their head moves closer to your stretched skin. Snake informs you that they're communicating with the babies inside your stomach and often translates to you what they're saying. Both of you actually wonder if the babies will also be able to understand snakes like he does and judging from the increased movements whenever a snake is talking to them, you like to imagine that they do.

⚕️As happy as Snake is, he's also more prone to insecurities. He's worried that his children might also be made anomalies due to him being their father. He manages to convince Ciel with the huge support of the other free human servants to be given some time off when you approach your due date. He rejects the offer that you could come over to his mansion and give birth in his room as he wants his solitude with you when your water breaks as he prefers to stay in your house. He does accept the offer of letting a midwife stay with you now that you're so incredibly close. He definitely reaches the peak of his protective behavior in those final days when him and his snakes can all sense that it could happen anyday now as he barely leaves you out of his sight. He's not leaving your sight, clutching your hand tightly in his own as soon as your contractions start as if he's the one in need of support, golden eyes observing sharply the midwife from time to time too. You give birth to one boy and one girl and they're surrounded by all of his snakes instantly, the animals determined to protect both of those children. They have some scales littering a few parts of their body but he doesn't care as he tears up when he sees how cute they are.

Dazai Osamu

🤎Dazai wants to start a family with his darling at one point and he has always been hinting at this. Whenever he sees a young family when he’s walking around with you, he jokingly asks you how your children would be if you would have a few. As soon as he sees a pregnant person walking around, he tells you that you’d probably look very cute with a pronounced baby bump that would make you waddle wherever you go and would force you to rely on him for a lot of things. He says all of those things with a harmless and teasing smile on his face yet he also gauges your reaction to his words very closely, brown eyes observing every twitch of your mouth and eyes. Perhaps it would be best for you to have nothing against the thought of children because otherwise you might be succumbed to his manipulation and gaslighting. Jokes eventually turn serious as Dazai makes it clear to you that he desires a child with you, his own hands gently grasping your own as he presses his forehead against your own. Don't you want it too? Leaving a physical trace of your love and adoration on this earth even after your death in form of a sweet child?

🤎Perhaps you should have expected this outcome even if you yourself never desired a child to begin with. As your period doesn't come and as you slowly start experiencing symptoms such as cravings, a suden change in smell as well as nausea you can feel his eyes trailing after you. It's like he has been waiting for signs of pregnancy from you and now that you experience those changes, Dazai starts feeling extremely giddy. He soon goes out to run an errand and asks you to wait for him at home before he leaves, giving you a quick kiss before he does so. When he returns, he has bought a few pregnancy tests and asks you excitedly to take them. He waits in front of the bathroom, although he knocks on the door every few seconds to ask if he can come inside now. As soon as you allow him, both of you wait for the results. When two red lines appear on all of them and confirm that you are indeed expecting, he starts to let out a genuinely happy and excited laugh. Arms wrap gently around your waist and you feel warm lips travel all over your face before he starts spinning and swaying you around whilst humming happily.

🤎Dazai decides to keep it a secret from everyone in his workplace for now and is especially more careful to keep the news away from the Port Mafia. He is no fool, he is aware that at one point they will find out. For now though he just wants to enjoy this special time with you whilst also preparing for the baby. For the first time in a while he seems to become conscious of his own life lifestyle and suddenly he does a 180 now that he knows that a baby will soon live here. Dazai starts cleaning everything, clothes and other stuff that used to lay everywhere randomly is sorted away because he doesn't want you to trip over it. He even makes a list what he needs to buy but he still likes to make spontanous decisions as he goes out with you, a hand always wrapped around you as the both of you buy a crib, diapers and choose babyclothes together. He discovers his fervor as he buys everything even if it threatens to tear a hole in his wallet. Both of you find quickly out during an appointment with a doctor that you are actually having twins and he couldn't be more happy as he showers you in kisses as soon as the news are out. So that means that he can name one child and you can name one too.

🤎He always keeps a picture of the ultrasound pictures in his wallet and whenever he has the time, he just stares fondly at the two little babies in your womb. This is what he'll soon protect and have in his life. He has had his hands on your stomach and even talked to the babies before you were showing but as soon as you start developing a baby bump, he glues himself even more to your side. Hands are always rubbing over your swelling tummy as he all but dotes on you and his two babies. As soon as you are in your second trimester he becomes especially touchy as he eagerly awaits the first kicks of his precious children. It's probably around this time that the other members of the ADA find out about your pregnancy. It's either that they caught him staring at the ultrasound pictures or that Yosano caught sight of the two of you during her shopping trips and connected the dots quickly when she saw your growing belly. Initially his reactions are more careful when all members find out and congratulate him but eventually he becomes more open and starts gushing about how precious and adorable you are with your baby bump and how he can't wait for the babies to be born.

🤎Dazai starts taking pictures of you at one point too because he wants to capture how beautiful and motherly you start looking the bigger you start to grow and is all but cooing and doting on you during this time as you slowly start struggling with the size of your belly. Dazai on the other hand truly starts blossoming as your situation as well as his babies motivate him to take better care of himself because you and the babies need him to take care of them. He helps you with all tasks that start to become more straining for you, he cleans the house, does the laundry and even starts to pick up some meals to cook so that he can prepare them for you as well as for the babies at one point. He always insists to spoonfeed you whenever he cooks something for you, all excited for you to try them. He does keep you on a diet appropriate for your pregnancy but at one time he starts to become so putty in your hands the further along you are that he starts stocking the food that you start craving a lot whilst you are carrying his twins.

🤎He is constantly torn apart between wanting to know the gender of his babies and wanting to keep it a surprise. There were multiple times during appointments with the doctor where he wanted to ask or even at home when he already had his phone in his hands and was about to call them only to change his mind in the last moment. He takes some time off from his work in your last weeks as he yearns to spend those last few weeks with you. It'll be the last time for a long time that both of you will be alone after all. He savors the last bit of your pregnancy, his hands and lips cherishing your big tummy as he spends every waking hour with you. When your labor starts, he decides to wait as he packs everything he thinks you two might need for the hospital all whilst giving you soft kisses in between whenever you feel a contraction. When your contractions come in certain time intervals, he drives with you to the hospital and then he stays there with you, his hand rubbing over your stomach as he asks the twins to not give you too much of a hard time and that he can't wait to meet them. His eyes are filled with nothing but love as soon as you give birth to his daughter and his son as he admires his new family.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

🍎Fyodor has never mentioned anything about children to you for as long as you can remember. And honestly, with the situation you are in with him you have never had the time nor the care to ask him what his opinion of children is. Until Fyodor succeeds in invading your heart and mind and you stop caring about about everything else that isn't him either. Your days from that day on are spend with Fyodor being much more gentle and affectionate with you although sometimes he just needs to ignite the sadistic spark inside of him and see you in pain only to kiss the pain better afterwards whilst uttering sweet nothings to you. You've completely forgotten about thoughts of a child until one day he suddenly brings it up to you whilst you are placed on his lap, his lips brushing against your ear as he asks you how you'd feel about a child. You're a bit surprised but eventually you tell him that you wouldn't mind having a child with him. He gives you a small smile as he replies that he's glad to hear this as you feel one of his cold hands resting on your stomach.

🍎You realise a few weeks later that he must have already known at that time that you were expecting as you are hunched over the toilet again, Fyodor behind you as he caresses your back and your shoulders whilst you throw up. He's sure that it must be uncomfortable but he hopes that you'll get used to it since this might happen more often now that you carry his child. You've already asked him a couple of times before if the child was intended from his side or if it was an accident. All you always get from him is this mysterious smile and a gentle kiss somewhere on your head as he tells you in a low tone that he's happy and that is all that matters. He quickly arranges everything for you and the child. Fyodor can't risk anyone tracking you back to him and possibly go after you now that you are carrying his baby but he is generous enough to know that it would be wiser to have medics assisting you and helping you, especially once you'll give birth to his baby. He's very picky though as he chooses a selected few doctors and midwives to do the ultrasounds and to cater to your and your baby's needs as soon as he has to drive you to the hospital.

🍎His hands caress your stomach gingerly as soon as you start showing as he even starts occasionally talking to the baby, mainly in Russian. He's given you already a nickname in Russian and he gives one to the child inside of you too and always addresses the baby by his chosen pet name when he talks to your stomach. Fyodor wants to find out the gender of the baby soon though so as soon as it is possible to find the sex of the baby out through the ultrasound, he asks the doctor to tell the both of you. A small smile appears on his face when he hears that he'll have a little daughter, his eyes twinkling with pride and fondness whenever he touches your stomach from that point on and talks gently with his litte girl. His sadistic desires completely vanish during your pregnancy because he would never be so cruel to hurt you whilst you carry something so small and pure inside of you. This little girl is a gift from god after all, physical proof that both of you are bound together.

🍎The whole nursery is colored in white and light blue and you don't get much of a say in it. White is the color of purity after all and his daughter will be born pure. She'll be a precious and innocent child, born without any sin tainting her. And light blue to symbolize the clear and blue sky on a day without any clouds hiding it from the human's eyes. The further along you are, the more Fyodor tries to make more time for you instead of spending it scheming and planning his crimes or wasting hours in front of multiple screens. Even whilst he is working, he always has one screen showing him live footage of a camera he has set up in your room for safety. Sometimes he forgets about his work as he instead admires you through the screen. His admiration for his darling definitely grows during the pregnancy. It's so beautiful to see how your body adjusts and prepares for his daughter you grow and nurture inside of you. You are so breathtaking as your belly swells with child and your breasts slowly inflate with milk to nurse the baby as soon as she is born.

🍎The man finds himself low-key starting to worship you and your body as you grow with his child and he admits to you so as he whispers words of affirmation and praises into your ears whenever his arms are wrapped around you gingerly and his hands rub over your stomach soothingly. He has a smug and content grin on his face whenever you tell him that the little girl starts kicking and moving around inside of you whenever he starts talking Russion to her as if she reacts to his voice and his words as his hands instantly rest on your bump to feel her little feet and hands. He always tells you in an almost teasing voice that he's just starting very early to teach her his mother tongue, glad that she seems to react so strongly to him speaking in Russian to her. He chooses a couple of different names for his daughter, all in Russian as well and all of them have some meaning including purity or God in it. He tells you about those names he has chosen so far and asks you which name sounds prettiest to you. You tell him your honest answer although you don't know if he'll actually consider your answer.

🍎He removes himself completely from all of his work when your due date is getting close as he spends all of his time from that point on with you. His purple eyes are always on you as he watches for any sign that you might experience the first signs of early labor. Similar to Dazai, Fyodor decides to wait for a while until your contractions are coming within a certain time. You spend early labor with him as both of you pack everything he thinks you might need whilst in the hospital whilst he softly assures you that even if what is to come might be scary and will be painful, it's the last and ultimate act you have to do in order to bring your beautiful daughter into this world. He has booked a private room for you as soon as he brings you to the hospital because he doesn't want too many people around you and his newborn daughter as soon as she is born. There's only the midwife occasionally checking how far you are dilated, otherwise you are left alone with Fyodor who soothes you as good as he can until they tell you that it's time to push. Fyodor tells them to leave as soon as the baby is safely delivered and cleaned, his eyes focused on his daughter as he tenderly caresses her head.

Jouno Saigiku

♦️Here you are, permanently imprisoned as the government has taken you under special protectionall because Jouno has asked them to do him a favor. You know that this is in reality just a more civilized abduction but no one gives you any help as you are stuck as Saigiku's lover, a doll who can do nothing but wait for him to return from any missions or other business he had to attend to and hope that he won't be in any sadistic mood. You never even thought of any children and you honestly get chills when you think about Saigiku being father to a child, especially if it should be your own. You don't even think that he would want any children if you would have to make a guess based on his possessive behavior he exhibits around you. You barely take notice when your period is a bit late because it wouldn't be your first time that you've missed your menstruation due to the stress you've felt ever since you've been taken. You don't assume anything, not until you see Saigiku's frown as his head tilts into the direction of your stomach.

♦️You can only freeze in shock and confusion when he suddenly leans down and presses his ear against your stomach and before you can even attempt to ask what has suddenly gotten into him, he hushes you as he starts focusing on something. You see his normally smug and composed exterior fading as you see surprise, then shock and eventually unease all appearing on his face before he pulls away. He furrows, appears conflicted before he asks you when you've last had your period and it's his question that makes you realise that you've been quite late by now. You want to ask him why he wants to know before your breath gets caught in your throat as you connect the dots and Jouno can hear that you've caught onto why he asked this. He instantly makes an appointment with the doctor and not too long after he gets the confirmation of what he already knew. You're pregnant, the embryo already having a heartbeat which he is able to detect now. There is a thick silence as soon as the news are out and you look anxiously at Jouno who seems to contemplate the situation right now.

♦️You're surprised when he actually asks you of your opinion on the pregnancy and since he would be able to tell if you would have lied or not anyways, you decide to give him an honest answer. You aren't sure how to feel about this. He seems to think the situation through for the next few days, the second heartbeat he can pick up when he is around you a constant reminder of what is going on inside of you. Eventually he makes the decision to keep the child. You don't know if he would force you to keep the baby even if you were against it but you are still unsure to make up your mind about the situation so whilst you aren't distraught when he announces his decision to you, you also aren't thrilled. Saigiku lets out a sigh when he picks up on your hesitance, one of his hands ruffling your hair gently. He knows that this wasn't the plan but now that this surprise happened you two might as well just make the best of it. He takes your hesitance over any hatred directed against your child though. Jouno just hopes that you'll have made up your mind by the time the child is born. He trusts you to make the right decision.

♦️He would like for this to remain a secret but the other Hunting Dogs find out far too soon for his taste. Fukuchi congratulates him as he pats Saigiku on his shoulder, Teruko is having a laugh imagining Jouno with a toddler whilst Tetchou and Tachibana fret for the way the baby will be raised by Saigiku. Whilst Tachibana at least keeps quiet about it even if Jouno can still pick up clearly on his emotions, Tetchou is a bit more blunt as he openly admits that he is a bit concerned for how Jouno plans to raise his child. Saigiku can only feel his temper rising as this is the precise reason why he wanted to keep your pregnancy hidden for a while longer. How dare he to question his abilities to take care and look out for his own child? Fukuchi stops the two of them before anything grand might happen as Jouno leaves, fuming on the inside. What is probably even worse is that he knows exactly that you think the same way Tetchou does so when he visits you shortly after his argument with Tetchou, he feels the need to make it very clear to you that he wouldn't harm his own child. Honestly, for what kind of sociopath do you take him to even consider such a thing?

♦️You have regular appointments with the doctor to make sure that the baby as well as you yourself are both fine. Truthfully though, Jouno is playing partially a medic too. His enhanced senses to cancel out his blindness cause him to pay very close attention to everything he can pick up. He listens closely to the heartbeat of the baby as it grows stronger and stronger each week and seems a lot more concerned as soon as he notices that you're stressed or anxious. Whenever he notices that your emotions go a bit haywire he quickly walks to you, asking you with a frown on his face if something is wrong. He wouldn't want you to stress yourself too much since it might be bad for the baby as he starts refraining from hurting or scaring you during your pregnancy. He becomes very touchy with you because of his blindness. He can't see you growing round and looking all adorable and he would lie if he would say that he isn't a bit upset about it so instead he feels your pregnancy. His hands are often on your stomach, slowly running over the surface to feel how much you've grown since last week and to imagine what you might look like now.

♦️Since the pregnancy was already a surprise he decides the sex might as well be a surprise until birth as well. He gets some time off before your due date as requested by him and Fukuchi who insists that he gets some time with his new family. Everything is ready by now. From the nursery to the people who will assist you the moment your water breaks as he tells you that you can't just go into a public hospital like this now that you're under his protection and carry his child. You'll have your own special room just for yourself and your own team. Your little daughter isn't born the natural way though as you experience stalled labor throughout the process and suddenly stop progressing as you stop dilating. You decide to wait for a while yet as you still experience contractions without dilating further, the doctor advices that a C-section might be an option and Jouno agrees as he's worried for you and his child. She's still born healthy though as Jouno gets to hold her first, listening to her gentle breath and the sound of her heartbeat. His fingers trace tenderly over her face, trying to imagine what she looks like before he hands her over to you and asks you to describe her to him.

Sigma

☁️Sigma is a person who just came like this into existence by being written into the Book without any way to ever find a reason why he came into existence anyways. He has found his purpose ever since then in you as he has made it his whole point to exist to look after you and to protect you. You are his purpose in life so he can't allow you under any circumstances to leave him which has led you to be permanently stuck in the Sky Casino and even all the gifts and riches he gets you don't do any good yet he still does his best to appease and please you in any way he can. Sigma as the one who has dedicated his entire existence to you will be relatively quick to notice the small changes occuring in you. He notices how you suddenly crave food you've never particularly liked before, he notices how you're suddenly more sensitive around certain smells as well as some headaches. He frets about your health as he wonders what might be wrong with you but it is you who one day approaches him to tell him in a serious tone that you're quite late for your period and that is when he realises what is wrong. It's something he didn't really want to consider.

☁️You can't help but wonder that it should be the other way around as you can see Sigma's whole face twist in fear, anxiety and stress as his eyes widen, his heart starts beating out of his chest and his breath quickening. He looks like he is about to have a meltdown and a panic attack so you try to calm him down as he clutches onto you as soon as he feels your warmth, his palms and forehead covered in cold sweat as you help him to regulate his breathing. As soon as he has regained some semblance of composure he apologizes frantically to you. He-he had no intention to get you pregnant! He's so sorry he should have been more careful with protection! You try to put a stop to his anxious rambling as you inform him that you aren't angry with him or anything. He still apologizes as he informs you that he'll arrange you an abortion if you desire one. You tilt your head at him as you ask him what he actually wants and he insists that he'll do whatever you want him to do in this situation. You fall silent as you consider everything before you tell him that you'd like to keep the child. You see him swallowing nervously as he purses his lips but he eventually gives you a nod.

☁️He spends entire nights reading through every file and online article he can find about pregnancy and memorizes everything in there. From development of the child to the changes your body will undergo to what he can do to make this pregnancy as easy as possible for you. Honestly, he knew before all of this very loosely that unprotected sex would lead to pregnancy but he can't help but be shocked and even slightly disturbed as he reads through everything. The thought of growing an entire life within your womb is so strange but he wasn't exactly created the normal way so perhaps that's why he finds this all so foreign. He insists on knowing the sex of the baby as early as possible as he assigns a few medics to monitor your pregnancy. He needs to order and prepare a nursery after all and instead of constantly second-guessing everything he wants to have delivered, he just wants to know the sex of the baby as early as possible. He still second-guesses everything though because he wants it to be perfect for you and the child so you end up helping him to choose, literally meaning that you say what you like and he buys it without giving his own opinion. Your opinion matters after all.

☁️It's kind of cute when he randomly tells you how big your son is right now if he would be a fruit and what he is already capable of doing within your womb. He's been still somewhat in denial and disbelief up until a certain point that he has gotten you pregnant yet the reality of the situation crashes down onto Sigma when he notices that you start developing a baby bump. He just stares and stares and stares as you start to grow bigger as if still thinking that he is hallucinating yet he can't deny that he's curious. How does your stomach feel now that you're carrying a baby inside of you? He always wonders but never asks. Not until you yourself take it upon yourself to invite him to touch your belly as you have noticed those curious eyes on your belly for a while now. He asks you if he really can before he carefully touches your tummy, amazed by it's roundness and firmess. You find his fascination with your belly cute though. Sigma is perhaps a bit strict with your diet and activity though as he has only the advice of the doctor and the advice online to trust so he is a tad bit controlling because he really doesn't want anything to happen to you whilst you're pregnant.

☁️He's initially bewildered but then quickly intrigued when the baby starts kicking around inside of you. Honestly, he is admiring you for growing another human being inside of you whilst enduring the changes that come with it and the further you are along, the more protective and paranoid he becomes. He's constantly checking the cameras in your room to see how you're doing only to pause and always get so fascinated when he sees how big you have grown already. The more you start swelling and the less foreign and strange the concept of you being pregnant with his child becomes, the more another feeling starts blossoming inside of Sigma. He starts feeling an attachment to his son you're carrying as he starts feeling responsible. Responsible to protect him, cherish him and raise him well. He's going to be a father to your child and as much as this knowledge stresses him, it also makes his heart pound in excitement as he realises that his son will be one more reason and justification for his existence. Sigma will have another purpose to exist as soon as his child gets born.

☁️Besides a few chosen people who Sigma closely monitors, no one else finds out about your pregnancy though. Sigma is too anxious to let anyone else know about it. He's counting days and hours the closer your due date gets as he simultanously worries and marvels over how much you've swollen and changed with his baby developing inside of you and he tries his best to alleviate you of any pressure and pain you might feel by giving you a massage or doing anything you want him to do. He tries and fails to keep his composure the moment your water breaks as he instantly cancels all of his work to instead spend it with you and tells all guards to not let anyone get close to your room. He's sweating, he's hyperventilating and he feels like he's about to suffer a mental breakdown as he watches you going through labor. He's constantly fearing for the worst yet luckily he is disappointed when his boy is born healthy. You fall asleep soon after you've given birth which leaves him pacing back and forth in the room with his son in his arms as he is unable to sit still. His eyes constantly go back and forth between you and the baby, hoping that you'll soon wake up before glancing down amazed at the baby he created.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere pluto #yandere snake #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bsd #yandere dazai #yandere dazai osamu #yandere fyodor #yandere fyodor dostoevsky #yandere jouno #yandere jouno saigiku #yandere sigma

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math-journal2 · 9 months ago

Text

07 —>

<— Unit 8: Part 2 — Unit 9 —>

Multiplying i

i^2 = -1

Are imaginary numbers still confusing?

Idea: substitute “i” with “x”

1. Substitute

2. Distribute normally

3. Replace “x” —> “i”

4. Any i^2 reduce to (-1)

5. Simplify

Tada! 🎉 you got your answer

Complex Conjugate

[A/N: later give examples]

i in denominator

Lv1

Lv2

Page 22

#exponential sections

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randomfoggytiger · 3 months ago

Text

Mulder's Brain Disease: an Open-Minded, Analytical Dissection (In-Depth)

Mulder's brain disease, love it or hate it, has to be one of the most unnecessary plot threads of The X-Files. Not only is it wedged into Season 8 haphazardly, but it accidentally stains a new wash of retroactive interpretation into Season 7-- a not altogether successful maneuver, all told.

Most of the canonical evidence provided clashes with itself, many of the details volunteered undermine its collaborative vision, and each piece of action or exposition is either forwarded with the assumption of legitimacy-- and therefore unchallenged-- or immediately discredited in the next scene or scenes.

There are two clear paths and one alternative to explore: Mulder didn't have brain disease (per Season 7's original intent); Mulder did have brain disease but didn't tell Scully (what Agent Doggett is led to believe); and Mulder had brain disease but didn't know it.

Let's begin.

STATEMENT(S) OF (ALLEGED) FACT

The X-Files is well-known for its... questionable timelines. That becomes exponentially more complicated with Season 8's tightly wound schedule and Scully's pregnancy (which Spotnitz and Carter stuck to rather well-- barring a few logistical hiccups-- post here.)

The brain disease arc inflexibly hinges on a retroactive retelling of Season 7's schedule. One chronological bookend is Amor Fati (stated to have taken place "in the fall"); and the other is the month of May: Mulder takes "four consecutive" road trips to North Carolina, allegedly pops over to Squamash Pennsylvania (twice), and supposedly buys himself a new headrest (read: gravestone)-- all within the span of four weeks. Additionally, we have allegations of a year-long brain disease-- despite all evidence to the contrary-- which places Mulder in a position of secret keeper or liar by omission (which CC has vehemently denied, post here.)

BRAIN DISEASE

(**Note**: This section's information will be summarized under the "FACTS AND FICTION, THOUGHTS AND THEORIES" subsection.)

Requiem builds on top of the "encephalitic trauma" Mulder experienced in Biogenesis-Amor Fati-- one that, we're told, made him "more alive than he's ever been." So alive, in fact, that his body couldn't support itself and shut down; and so alive, in fact, that CSM cut out a part of Mulder's lobe and Frankensteined it into his own.

The show's mythology set up the alien-human virus as early as Season 3, and built upon that foundation with the characters' subsequent adventures in Fight the Future, The Beginning, and Biogenesis. As a virus, it grafts onto human DNA and changes it-- or in this case, reactivates from junk DNA. As Dr. Anne Simon, a consultant for The X-Files, explains:

Jan. 2001:

"...I work on viruses. Viruses can’t turn into anything. If a virus turns into something, it’s not a virus. I was really horrified. So I read the rest of the script, and I came up with a different science that would only change a few conversations, but it would change the idea of what the virus was. And I had my fingers crossed that he’d go for it. If Chris wanted that virus to turn into something, he would’ve done it whether I wanted it to or not. But he loved the new idea: The virus integrates itself into the DNA of the person. That’s what a lot of viruses do, activate a resonant program in the cell. There’s a program in all our cells, in our DNA that starts with that single egg and turns us into a person. And that’s encoded in our genes, in our genetic makeup.

"The problem is that there’s a huge amount of DNA we don’t have a clue about. There’s a whole lot of DNA that we call junk DNA. We don’t have a clue what this junk DNA is doing. My idea was the virus activates a resonant program in the junk DNA, and that the junk DNA is actually there to turn a cell into the horrible creature, which means that we are the aliens."

Point taken. Multiple (questionable) vaccine inoculations and infections aside, humans in The X-Files world have latent alien DNA. The ancient artifact Mulder handled in Biogenesis activated his; and, unable to bear up under that extremis, his body was reduced to catatonia and shut down. Though there are quite a few problems with that specific chain of events (most of which I discuss in an alien virus post here), the logic could, theoretically, hold up.

ENCEPHALITIC TRAUMA AND REWRITES

In Amor Fati, Mulder was so far gone that he'd disconnected from reality (although his "inner" world was still influenced by outer events.) How, then, was Mulder brought back from the land of fantasy? Metaphorically, it was through Scully's belief and love and courage; practically, it was because of the (successful) medical procedure he underwent during his captivity (post here):

RULING OUT: TREPANATION AND BRAIN EDEMA

Two possible causes for Mulder's later complications need to be explored before we move on.

Firstly, as with a great deal of other components on the show, trepanation is not as simple as the writers propose:

World History.org, here:

"Trephination (also known as trepanning or burr holing) is a surgical intervention where a hole is drilled, incised or scraped into the skull using simple surgical tools. In drilling into the skull and removing a piece of the bone, the dura mater is exposed without damage to the underlying blood-vessels, meninges and brain.

According to Academic Press's 'Osteoarcheology': "A neurosurgeon can perform the procedure safely, although it comes with severe repercussions such as direct or indirect perioperative complications, which include increased damage to the brain, infection, blood loss, hemorrhage, and potentially death due to the trauma as the skull's protective covering is compromised."

Here, its perils are hand-waved away with "advanced alien science"; but to potentially complicate Amor Fati's explanation, the purpose of Mulder's surgery was to slice out an activated portion of his brain and transfer it to CSM's:

Penn Medicine, here:

"A temporal lobectomy, or temporal lobe resection, is a neurosurgical procedure that removes the front part of the temporal lobe of the brain to treat drug-resistant epilepsy. Each person has two temporal lobes, located beneath the skull on the side of the head in the temple region. The temporal lobes play important roles in memory, emotional responses, language, and sensory memory and processing of sounds, visions, and smells."

While it's possible that Mulder's and CSM's declines could have been kick-started by this procedure, that's not the route canon follows. Spender's deterioration is tied to "cerebral inflammation", which in turn is tied to Mulder's pre-surgery encephalitic distress-- in short, pre-trepanation trauma.

Secondly, the script also details a medical procedure that is most often used to relieve and treat brain edema (brain swelling)--

NHS, here:

"Ventriculostomy: In this procedure, a surgeon cuts a small hole in the skull and inserts a plastic drain tube. Cerebrospinal fluid is drained from inside the brain, helping to relieve the pressure.

Surgery: Surgery may have one or more of these goals:

A. Removing part of the skull to relieve intracranial pressure; this procedure is called decompressive craniectomy.

B. Removing or repairing the source of the swelling, such as repairing a damaged artery or vein or removing a growth."

Brain edema-- depending on the extent and duration of the trauma-- usually inflicts various degrees of harm. And while that could be promising when discussing Mulder's brain disease, Scully would have seen evidence of edema-ridden damage on his CT and MRI scans during his convalescence. Further, brain edema is not a form of brain disease, rather an offshoot effect of that condition-- therefore, not the cause of his (alleged) impending death.

AUTHORIAL INTENT AND REWRITES

Inverse to Mulder's reawakening and restored health is CSM's 30 touch-and-go hours and grim, post-operation prognosis:

His doctor's hints about a second surgical intervention are particularly intriguing. When CSM reappears in Closure, Scully notes his odd pallor-- "You're sick"-- which he doesn't deny-- "I had an operation." We are to assume he is referencing the brain surgery in Amor Fati-- he is-- but I would like to posit Spender could be referencing a possible second procedure (an off-screen attempt to mitigate his ailing health.) By En Ami, CSM's fate is sealed, and he openly admits his mortality in order to ignite Scully's trust (post here): "Cerebral inflammation-- a consequence of brain surgery I had in the fall. The doctors give me just a few months." His arc comes to a close in Requiem (unless you push canon into Season 9 and beyond) where we see the rapid toll of his deterioration.

Recovery from "advanced alien science", then, is aided by regular, everyday human physiology: age, health, medical history, and comorbid influences. Spender's age, smoking status, and former cancer diagnosis all combine against him-- his hubris for power led him willingly to death.

By contrast, Mulder's experience wasn't mentioned again until Requiem when he and the Bellefleur residents-- who'd previously suffered encephalitic trauma-- were called to the ship and abducted. There was no idea, hint, or reference sown about his deteriorating health: not a sign, not a symptom. Yet, mere months later, the tale is retold in Within: we learn, allegedly, that not only did Mulder have brain disease (and not only did Scully not know) but he'd also suffered through it for a year.

Frank Spotnitz admitted, after the close of Season 8, that the brain disease (and the IVF arc) was a last-minute creation he and Chris Carter decided on after their plans for a second movie set post-Requiem fell through:

April 2001:

"In the absence of pre-existing context for season 8’s dramatic surprises, the writers relied instead on flashbacks tailored to fit this year’s narrative. “Had I known there would be a season 8, I would have preferred to salt in all of the clues about these flashback episodes last season,” says Spotnitz of how he dealt retroactively with fitting in Mulder’s illness and Scully’s [IVF]. “But there really is no way to unravel these mysteries in my mind, and make use of David in the time that he was available to us, without having some flashback episodes.”"

Setting aside the complete lack of evidence that would “prove” Mulder was suffering from a degenerative brain disease, silently, for a year (without telling Scully), we’re left with a few bare-bone facts:

Season 7 was not written with the brain disease in mind.

Mulder's "encephalitic trauma" in Requiem was shared by the other Bellefleur residents, who were not (that we know) dying.

CSM declared that he was dying from "cerebral inflammation."

CSM's downturn post-Amor Fati was recorded at key moments through Season 7, with scrutable markers of decline and clear indicators of psychological shifts and changes influenced by his impending death.

In Within, we’re led to believe Mulder was suffering from year-long degenerative damage due to the surgery he and CSM underwent in the fall of 1999. Not only do his actions (or non-actions) in canon contradict this thesis, but Within-The Gift's timeline contradicts it, as well.

Deadalive-Three Words Mulder never confirmed he was diagnosed with-- or knew he was suffering from-- brain disease.

What, then, is "cerebral inflammation"; and how can we work in the brain disease as more than a creative (though flawed) hypothetical?

THE FIRST ROUND OF INFECTION

Encephalitis (“cerebral inflammation”) is pretty straight forward: you either have it and notice, or you have it and don’t.

There are two main types of "cerebral inflammation"--

NIH, here:

Inflammation in the brain and spinal cord can be caused by infections such as viruses. Encephalitis can also be autoimmune when antibodies can attack brain cells.....

NIH, here:

"Because people may have subtle symptoms of encephalitis, many cases may go undiagnosed. Several thousand cases are reported each year, but many more may occur since the symptoms may be mild at onset in some people."

Encephalitis hits fast and hard, disappearing within two weeks (Better Health, here) of its inception. Mild instances can pass through the body undetected; but severe or life-threatening cases are unequivocally transparent:

NIH, here,

"Once the acute illness, which normally lasts for 1 to 2 weeks, is under control, comprehensive rehabilitation should include cognitive rehabilitation and physical, speech, and occupational therapy if brain function is severely affected."

Mount Sinai.org, here,

"Those with a severe case of encephalitis may develop:

High fever

Severe headache

Stiff neck and back

Photophobia (sensitivity to bright light)

Sonophobia (sensitivity to sound)

Vomiting

Drowsiness and confusion

Seizures

Behavioral changes

Muscle weakness

Partial paralysis

Loss of consciousness

"Because encephalitis can on rare occasions be dangerous, it needs to be diagnosed and treated promptly....

"Many people exposed to encephalitis-causing viruses have no symptoms. Others may experience a mild transient illness, but do not develop full-blown encephalitis. People with mild encephalitis generally recover spontaneously over a period of several weeks.

"Severe cases of encephalitis can, however, have devastating effects, including:

Swelling of the brain caused by excess fluid (cerebral edema)

Bleeding within the brain (intracerebral hemorrhage)

Nerve damage (neuropathy)

"Encephalitis is a relatively rare disease. People at highest risk for encephalitis, and its complications include the very young, the very old, and people with weakened immune systems."

NIH, here:

"Because the disease can occur suddenly and progress rapidly, anyone who is suspected of having encephalitis should immediately contact a doctor or go to the hospital.

"...In more serious cases, the disease can cause hearing and/or speech loss, blindness, permanent brain and nerve damage, behavioral changes, cognitive disabilities, lack of muscle control, seizures, memory loss, or death. People with serious cases of encephalitis may need long-term therapy, medication, and supportive care."

Lastly, the risks for serious complications arise with the usual physiological predispositions and environmental factors--

Mayo Clinic, here:

"Anyone can develop encephalitis. Factors that may increase the risk include:

Age. Some types of encephalitis are more common or more serious in certain age groups. In general, young children and older adults are at greater risk of most types of viral encephalitis. Similarly, some forms of autoimmune encephalitis are more common in children and young adults, whereas others are more common in older adults.

Weakened immune system. People who have HIV/AIDS, take immune-suppressing medicines or have another condition causing a weakened immune system are at increased risk of encephalitis.

Geographical regions. Mosquito- or tick-borne viruses are common in particular geographical regions.

Season of the year. Mosquito- and tick-borne diseases tend to be more common in summer in many areas of the United States.

Autoimmune disease. People who already have an autoimmune condition may be more prone to develop autoimmune encephalitis.

Smoking. Smoking increases the chances of developing lung cancer, which in turn increases the risk of developing paraneoplastic syndromes including encephalitis."

In Biogenesis, we are told the alien virus in Mulder's DNA is activated when he touches an ancient artifact; but it's debatable if that incident lines up with viral (infection via an outside invader) or autoimmune (mistaken antibodies attacking its host) encephalitis. Regardless, that question is secondary to the main hypothetical: if encephalitis ("cerebral inflammation") has a short shelf life, what was killing CSM (and Mulder?)

REINFECTION: AUTOIMMUNE ENCEPHALITIS

The problem begins with CSM's (and Mulder's purported) year-long deterioration. "Cerebral inflammation", as explained above, does not drag its feet when swooping in for the kill. And more broadly, how is Mulder able to be reinfected with a disease which old Spender sliced and diced from his head? Better Health.gov's description (here) fits what the writers were going for, I believe: "There is evidence to suggest that some cases of viral encephalitis are caused by dormant viral infection... becoming active again." This plays well with Mulder's initial infection (Biogenesis), as well as CSM's lengthy "cerebral inflammation" and Mulder's (alleged) inflammatory reemergence.

However: recurrence is a symptom of autoimmune encephalitis, not viral encephalitis--

NIH, here:

"Although rare, there have been cases of post-infectious autoimmune encephalitis (where it is triggered by an initial response to an infectious agent)."

Autoimmune encephalitis: a review of diagnosis and treatment, here:

"Viral infections are known triggers for AIE. It is believed that virus-mediated brain tissue damage may lead to antigen exposure that triggers the development of anti-neuronal antibodies."

Another checkbox that can be ticked off: AIE might take longer to diagnose because of the difficulty pinpointing symptoms--

NIH, here:

"Diagnosing autoimmune encephalitis can be difficult as the average onset of symptoms to diagnosis often takes a few weeks to 3 months. ...To diagnose autoimmune encephalitis, we need multiple tools to aid in the diagnosis, although clinical judgment is the key to making decisions. They will include a constellation of neuropsychiatric symptoms, lab studies, neuroimaging, and electroencephalogram."

Slowly-degenerative AIE cases (though infrequent) do exist--

Autoimmune encephalitis: a review of diagnosis and treatment, here:

"By way of generalisation, autoantibody-mediated disorders often present rapidly, over a few days to weeks. However, we have observed more chronic courses, of between 1 and 5 years, particularly in leucine-rich glioma-inactivated protein 1 (LGI1)-antibody, contact-associated protein 2 (CASPR2)-antibody and immunoglobulin-like cell-adhesion molecule 5 (IgLON5)-antibody syndromes. These findings mean that time to disease nadir is often outside of the 3-month duration which appears in diagnostic guidelines."

Nevertheless, atypical cases are often put through rigorous testing to rule out other degenerative autoimmune diseases due to the severity of their symptoms: mood changes, mental confusion, muscle tremors, seizures (focal rather than generalized), pain, psychiatric symptoms, and (more often than not) tumors.

"Autoimmune encephalitis: a review of diagnosis and treatment", here:

"Seizures occur in most autoimmune encephalitis syndromes and are a common factor that triggers neurological attention. The types and frequencies of seizure vary between autoantibody-mediated diseases and may help pinpoint the individual autoantibody. …These patients, typically men in their fifth to eighth decades, have very frequent focal events with multiple semiologies and only rare generalised seizures....

"In addition to treatment of the underlying immunological process, it is often necessary to consider management of seizures, movement disorders, behaviour, pain, sleep and autonomic disturbance, and mood disorders. We do not discuss this substantial topic comprehensively here but rather we focus on special considerations relevant to the two most common forms of autoimmune encephalitis: NMDAR-antibody and LGI1-antibody encephalitis."

It is possible, however, that the extent of the damage Mulder received during his surgery might have been overlooked-- fertile ground for the next trauma-induced biological onslaught:

NIH, here:

"Because lesions can sometimes be clinically asymptomatic, a systematic neuroimaging work-up should be performed.... Cerebral computed tomography scans [CT scans] performed at admission show abnormalities only in 30% of patients, essentially supratentorial readily visible diffuse or large focal hypodensities of the cerebral white matter. MRI of the brain should therefore be systematically performed when post-infectious encephalitis is suspected."

But the basic premise (and same problem) of 'traditional' encephalitis remains. AIE, though possibly reoccurring, does more harm in the short term than the long run: its most powerful weapon is either immediate death or a damaging domino effect--

NHS UK, here:

"Encephalitis can damage the brain and cause long-term problems including:

memory loss (amnesia)

personality and behavioural changes

speech and language problems (aphasia)

swallowing problems (dysphagia)

repeated seizures or fits – known as epilepsy

emotional and psychological problems, such as anxiety, clinical depression and mood swings

problems with attention, concentrating, planning and problem solving

problems with balance, co-ordination and movement

persistent tiredness"

It's not a leap, then, to suppose that--

CSM's health immediately crumbled apart because of his age, health, and smoker status.

Whereas Mulder's health-- if he was affected-- was bolstered up by youth and other factors. However: that does not rule out a potential sleeper agent lurking in his brain, waiting for the next traumatic incident to reactivate, AIE-style. (We'll get to that.)

FACT AND FICTION, THOUGHTS AND THEORIES

The facts, as we know them:

Encephalitis, no matter its form, is not a slow-burn, long-term killer. Yet, the fallout from its destruction can create a domino effect that could, potentially, be lethal.

Regardless of the original diagnosis, CSM and (allegedly) Mulder suffered from autoimmune encephalitis after Amor Fati.

While mild cases can be undetectable, severe or life-threatening encephalitis can't be masked and must be treated promptly.

CSM is doubly or triply immunocompromised-- per his age, past cancer, and on-going smoking habit-- and was promptly affected.

Mulder and the Bellefleur residents were abducted and transformed due to past "encephalitic trauma", not current, prevalent brain disease.

Most importantly: if Mulder and CSM had been dying over a year's time, there would have been conspicuous physical evidence-- evidence which Scully would have detected (as she did in Closure.)

Irrespective of these facts, let's play around with a few hypotheticals.

If Mulder and CSM had been dying contemporaneously, then they would have to be deteriorating from the ripple effects of at least one of three factors:

Extensive brain damage-- which would have become immediately apparent once they woke.

Accumulative comorbidities set in motion via brain damage-- which Spender did, and Mulder did not, have.

Reactivated effects caused by another traumatic incident-- which Mulder could have had (and did) in Season 7.

That last point is a particularly intriguing theory. Mulder would have been suffering profusely had his disease run concurrently with CSM's-- but what if it didn't? What if Mulder's brain disease was a recent diagnosis-- one he'd received before his abduction? If so:

His reticence from Scully would be short-lived and easily explained by Mulder still processing the news.

His sudden rash of trips to his mother's and sister's graves could be influenced by anxiety over an impending medical report or in reaction to an inflexible diagnosis.

His headstone purchase could be explained as a rash, last-minute gesture of acceptance (or could have been faked by his nemeses, which we shall get to.)

Yet, and this cannot be stressed enough: even if Mulder had a recurrence of encephalitis, it alone would not be enough to kill him, just like it alone would not be enough to kill CSM.

To get to the bottom of any and all possibilities, we need to map out a simple, logical, cut-and-dried timeline.

So, let's do it.

CANONICAL (AND RETROACTIVE) TIMELINE

(**Note**: If you don't care to read the discovery process, skip to PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER.)

To chart a course through the brain disease's cluttered "shoulda, woulda, coulda"s, two options present themselves: episodic air dates, or in-canon date markers.

Here we run into the first problem: neither touchstone works unmitigatedly: either in-canon dates reorder key episodes (perhaps the props department worked off the script rather than day-of filming?) or air dates don't graph cleanly onto defined in-canon perimeters and events. What we'll have to do: nail down the definitives, and work back (loosely) from there.

xfilestimeline.net provides an exquisite guide to (most of) The X-Files's chronological order, which I will be referencing below (direct quotes in italics.)

AMOR FATI

Amor Fati takes place "in the fall" according to Within. The air date (November 14) and in-canon estimate (October 7-14) both roughly group into that space. Mulder is wearing his "victory cap" to come find Scully; but it's hard to know for certain that the hallway scene takes place shortly after the last week of September (which, according to xfilestimeline.net, was the first Yankees victory of the season) or if he simply wore it to cover his bandages and bantered around the obvious.

Either/or is viewer's choice.

SIGNS AND WONDERS

Signs and Wonders's air date (January 23) outruns a "medical report" (January 17-19) by just a few days.

EN AMI

En Ami takes place (comparative to any month afterward) "last spring." Since there is no internal date provided, it either falls on March 19 (its air date) or sometime after February 20 (X-Cops's in-canon date) and before April 14 - May 1/May 8-12 (Brand X - Chimera's in-canon dates.)

Again, viewer's choice.

SEIN UND ZEIT

Sein und Zeit airs on February 6th; but its date is "confirmed" by a TV broadcast of State of the Union Address (January 27 - February 1.)

BRAND X

Brand X's air date (April 16) coincides with its in-canon, two-week recovery estimate (April 14 - May 1.)

CHIMERA

Chimera debuts a full month prior (April 2) to in-canon configurings (May 8-12: Date confirmed at outset ((2 weeks after 4/23)).)

Chimera marks the first overlap between Season 7 and Season 8: Mulder (allegedly) visited Squamash, Pennsylvania on May 6 -7, a day before he and Scully were assigned to a stakeout (May 8.) It's not stated how long Mulder and Scully were on duty before he was again reassigned; but it stretches believability (what else is new?)

ALL THINGS

all things has no fixed internal date, though it's air date (April 9) takes place a full month before the estimated in-canon dates (May 13-15.)

FIGHT CLUB

Fight Club's airing was May 7; but its own internal date (June 17-19) so incontrovertibly contradicts Requiem's abduction timeline that it can be confidently swapped out for May 17-19.

This episode is pivotal to quite a few brain disease theories.

JE SOUHAITE

Je Souhaite air date (May 14) is hastily surpassed by its estimated internal date (May 22-24.)

This episode is vital to understanding the brain disease arc-- more accurately, to understanding Mulder's mind frame when given three wishes.

REQUIEM

Requiem is key to the entire framing of the brain disease arc:

Either Mulder is abducted on May the 21st (Requiem's air date), which shreds through Agent Doggett's May timeline (which will be discussed below);

Or Mulder is abducted on May 31st (the day before Within), which tears fewer rips in Agent Doggett's theory.

Pulling from my "Laying Waste to The Gift (with Its Own Canon)" meta (post here):

A. ...Doggett refers to Mulder's trips as "Four consecutive weekends in May"-- distanced language that (one can infer) means the month is over. (If he and Scully were still in May, Doggett would have more naturally stated "each weekend this month" or "the past four weekends.")

B. Spotnitz has since confirmed Within takes place the day after Scully's reveal in the hospital ("Season eight begins the morning after season seven." Interview here.)

C. Therefore, it's safest to assume Within takes place in June (either June 1st or June 2nd), pushing Mulder's abduction date to May 31st.

WITHIN

Within begins the complete disregard for air dates-- and rightfully so, given the strict guidelines of Scully's pregnancy (post here.)

See Requiem above: takes place June 1st.

PER MANUM

Per Manum takes place mid-September (Scully's baby is fourteen weeks old. Given that she announced her pregnancy to Skinner at the very end of May, it seems likely that she conceived in mid-May, which would give a mid September date for this episode.)

THE GIFT

The Gift is broken into three trips: (allegedly) Mulder, May 6 A.M. - 7 A.M.; (allegedly) Mulder, May 24; and Doggett, late September. (No internal dates provided. It is said to be roughly a "year" since Mulder visited Squamash, but given the events of Episode 8x14: This is Not Happening, it's more like under half a year. Doggett confirms that Mulder was abducted in May. He went to Squamash, PA on May 6-7, and returned there on the 24th. Doggett also reveals that Mulder falsified case reports, which explains how the dates might be off at the end of Season 7.)

This episode is, quite frankly, a catastrophe. I broke down the timeline and its inconsistencies in a previous post, here-- suffice it to say, it discredits its own claims in its own episode. But, we will be returning to this... gem later on.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Now that we have a framework for both seasons, we can begin to slot the pieces side by side.

"In the fall", Amor Fati: Mulder and CSM both undergo brain surgery. Mulder fully recovers (or does he?) while CSM deteriorates slowly over the course of a year.

April 14 - May 1, Brand X: Mulder is hospitalized some length of time during his two weeks of recovery. Neither Scully nor the medical staff notice any medical abnormalities (i.e. odd or troubling physical responses, readouts, or charts) despite heavily monitoring his health.

May 6-7, The Gift: Mulder burns up one of his consecutive weekends by (allegedly) taking a trip to Squamash, Pennsylvania on May 6-7.

May 7: Mulder takes his first 370 mile trip (10 hours total) from D.C. to North Carolina and back. He will (allegedly) make three more consecutive weekend drives until his abduction in Requiem.

May 8, Chimera: Mulder has a case ready for he and Scully to investigate (one that likely required the weekend to research-- more on that later.)

May 13-15, all things: Mulder burns up another consecutive weekend on a trip to England.

May 17-19, Fight Club: Mulder takes some heavy hits.

May 22-24, Je Souhaite: Mulder doesn't consider asking the genie-- not once-- to heal his brain disease.

May 31, Requiem: Mulder is abducted due to his "encephalitic trauma", courtesy of Biogenesis's ancient artifact.

June 1, Within: The Alien Bounty Hunter parades around Mulder's life, stealing his (and Scully's) computer.

June 2, Within: Doggett obtains rental car receipts, VISA card purchases, and year-long medical records, thereby coming to the conclusion that Mulder took four consecutive weekend drives (nearly 400 miles, over 10 hours) from D.C. to North Carolina. Doggett and his team do not find Mulder's gun taped under the apartment sink.

Late September, The Gift: Doggett finds a case from last May he and his team had missed. He also finds a bloody gun taped under Mulder's sink that he and his team had missed. He also finds an incriminating report that has Mulder and Scully's name on it that he and his team had missed. He does not check the dates against "Mulder's May Pilgrimages", nor does he corroborate the signatures and evidence with Scully.

Chronological order locked and loaded.

DEBUNKING AGENT DOGGETT'S (ESTIMATED) ITINERARY

Now, let's break down the evidence Doggett "unearths."

SUPPORTING EVIDENCE

In Within, Agent Doggett rests Mulder's brain disease on three rational (and one discredited) facts:

Mulder's surgery "in the fall" (Amor Fati)-- one Mulder did not, apparently, recover from. Doggett and his team discover "evidence" indicating a year-long decline which the files predecessor had kept secret from his medical doctor-partner.

Mulder's "four consecutive weekends" drives to North Carolina ("Same mileage each trip: 370 miles, 375 miles"), which means he either kept them hidden from Scully or she lied to Doggett when questioned.

Mulder's sudden, erratic purchases in May: flowers and a personally-inscribed headstone on the same VISA card.

Mulder's and Scully's missing computers and files (later proven to be the Alien Bounty Hunter's machinations.)

In The Gift, Agent Doggett discovers further "proof" to support his supposition:

Mulder (allegedly) took a trip to Squamash, Pennsylvania to investigate a case on May 6 (Saturday.)

Mulder (allegedly) returned to be healed by the Squamash creature on May 7.

Mulder (allegedly) turned down the opportunity to be healed in order to mercy kill the Creature.

Mulder (allegedly) hid his bloody "murder weapon" (an ankle gun) under his kitchen sink.

Mulder (allegedly) had Scully sign off on his closed report, with or without fully informing her.

Mulder (allegedly) placed his and Scully's careers in danger because of this falsified report... conveniently (post here.)

DESTRUCTIVE CONTRADICTIONS

Problem #1: Doggett Needs Four Weekends

As we've explored, ad nauseam: the car rental receipts Doggett finds in Mulder's desk plainly communicate four weekend trips in May.

Mulder burns up the first weekend of May on the Squamash trips: he arrives in Pennsylvania on the morning of May the 6th (Saturday) and doesn't leave until the early hours of May the 7th (Sunday.) He is then (allegedly) supposed to drive a 10 hour round trip-- without sleep, while (allegedly) suffering the painful effects of deteriorating "brain disease"-- and be back by Sunday night to prep for an X-Files stakeout on Monday. Both trips cannot coincide with each other, which means one-- or both-- have to go.

Mulder burns up a second weekend on his trip to England: he begins preparing to leave on a Saturday (estimated May 13) and arrives back a day or two later (estimated May 15.)

Mulder might burn up a third weekend recovering from Fight Club: the extent of his injuries would probably inhibit his ability to drive safely-- not to mention the possibility of a compounding, painful "brain disease."

Discounting The Gift (which is rife with inconsistencies and contradictions), two of the four necessary weekends were spent elsewhere.

In fact, the only weekend Doggett can rely on (per his own timeline) is the one following Je Souhaite-- three days before Mulder's abduction. (That weekend will be instrumental later.)

Problem #2: Doggett's "Evidence" Doesn't Match His Timeline

Mulder's VISA card made a lot of purchases over the course of May, some of them reasonable (flowers for his loved ones' graves) and some of them questionable (a headstone and rental cars.)

The VISA card's legitimacy was authenticated by the rental receipts on Mulder's desk-- but those rental dates don't match with Mulder's recorded movements (either by air date or canonical rewrite.) Discounting the Gift, at least two out of four weekends were spent in D.C. or England, not on the road back-and-forth from North Carolina.

Doggett doesn't question this.

That same VISA card was used to explain Mulder's tombstone purchase.

Doggett doesn't question this.

"Mulder" (allegedly) took two trips to Squamash, one the week before his disappearance-- the locals never described what he looked like, only testified that he questioned them and tried to kill the Creature later.

Doggett doesn't question this.

"Mulder" was spotted swiping FBI evidence in order to locate Gibson Praise, and was able to access "his" apartment as well as the office.

Doggett doesn't question this (even after seeing a doppelganger in Without.)

Mulder's VISA card, trips, "brain disease" diagnosis, bloody gun, and falsified report only pop up once he can't challenge their authenticity.

Doggett doesn't question this.

To give the man some credit, most of this can be excused away with the rationale that he doesn't believe in far-reaching conspiracies or boogie men trying to take down Mulder in the dark.

Indisputably, though, the onus is on the writers for tragically mucking up their timeline. Or helpfully, as it's easier to dismiss the entire brain disease arc as a hoax based on these claims.)

Problem #3: The Gift Collapses In On Itself

As previously mentioned, I've combed over The Gift's problems at length (again, post here); but let's go through it once more for totality's sake:

Mulder's trips to Squamash and his trips to his mother's and sister's graves can't coincide, not with late-stage "brain disease."

A solo case, a bloody gun, and falsified signatures-- each piece of "evidence" was missed by Doggett and his team in Within, despite the FBI's fervor to blame Mulder's disappearance on his erratic nature. Each piece of "evidence" conveniently materialized later when Mulder (or Scully) needed to be eliminated from the files.

Scully never confirms or denies the report's authenticity, nor her participation in signing off on it. Conveniently.

In protecting Scully, Skinner and Doggett likely incriminated themselves-- or passed over the clue that would unravel the conspiracy behind the trips, VISA purchases, and "Mulder"'s many appearances.

The last visit by "Mulder" to Squamash is unaccounted for. Say, perhaps, that he had traveled there on May 6 and shot the Creature on May 7-- that doesn't explain why he returned on the 24th. Unless, of course, it wasn't him.

Problem #4: Mulder Would Not Be Physically Capable

Not only would Mulder have to be hiding his (hard-to-miss) brain disease symptoms from Scully-- a medical doctor-- he would have to be squeezing in 10-hour weekend drives routinely after physically-demanding x-files all week.

Problem #5: Scully Was Unaware of Mulder's Weekend Trips

Within posits that Agent Scully was utterly in the dark about her partner's weekend activities-- which is, frankly, ludicrous given her and Mulder's history of constant communication and recent commingling.

This can be explained away with one or two considerations--

Scully was lying to Doggett about not knowing where Mulder was going (North Carolina, i.e. his mother's and sister's graves.)

Scully knew he would disappear every weekend but never bothered to ask where he was going (e.g. spending healthy time apart, caching up on other obligations, etc.)

--but it was not canonically intended. As if that ever stopped the writers or the fans.

Problem #6: Mulder Neither Confirms Nor Denies His Diagnosis

In Deadalive, Scully describes Mulder's condition as, "Blood, electrolyte imbalances, a loss of brain function. I strongly believe that Mulder is infected with an alien virus." (Another one, or the same one?) And when Mulder wakes, she tells him, "Whatever neurological disorder you were suffering from, it's no longer detectable. After a course of transfusions and antivirals it has rid your body of the virus that was invading it. The scars on your face, on your hands, on your feet, on your chest, they, they seem to be repairing themselves. Mulder, you are in perfect health."

Not then nor later does Scully say "your brain disease from last fall is healed"-- in fact, both seem to be discussing the super soldier virus he was infected with on the ship (a sleight of hand for the writers to dodge the ramifications of the brain disease arc.) In fact, is Mulder ever told he, supposedly, had brain disease?

Mulder was taken due to "encephalitic trauma", not brain disease (e.g. none of the other abductees were reported to have had ill health or further, recent complications.)

Mulder was infected with "an alien virus" bound and determined to turn him into a super soldier.

Mulder was returned "deadalive."

Mulder was healed (i.e. taken off of life support.)

So, he was likely told about his "encephalitic trauma" and his close brush with a super soldier zombie "alien" virus... but was Mulder ever specifically told about the (alleged) year-long degenerative brain disease? The one that doesn't kill slowly, and only claimed CSM's life because of the latter man's presumptive co-current comorbidities?

I think not. Whether Mulder did or did not have brain disease, the writers seemed to want to brush that arc briskly under the rug and never acknowledge it ever again-- which is exactly what they did.

BRAIN DISEASE BELIEVERS, THERE IS STILL HOPE

Despite the ravages this meta has wrecked on the brain disease arc, there is still a perfectly reasonable-- and dare I say, logical-- explanation that would seamlessly factor in Mulder's brain disease. One could still indulge in angst alongside Season 7's original intent and Season 8's post-hoc hypothetical with a guilt-free conscience.

May wonders never cease.

Except: the timeline must be drastically shortened.

THREE THEORETICAL TRUTHS

It's all come to this: three possibilities laid out before us.

Each idea works with the same conceit: Mulder was irrefutably (per the loopholes left in the writers' wake) setup by his enemies-- incongruous purchases, trips, and medical records collaboratively pulled together to blacken his name forever in the FBI-- with Scully's reputation soon to follow. The attempts ended with his burial-- which is doubly ironic, considering he rose from the dead three months later-- and the discovery of her pregnancy; but the "proof" of "their" endeavors stuck to the files like smoke.

MULDER WAS RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH "BRAIN DISEASE"

According to this theory, Mulder would have to suffer a recent relapse in order to fit in with the "cerebral inflammation" recurrence timescale.

Mulder would've had to suffer another trauma to kick off an autoimmune encephalitic malfunction.

Mulder's relapse couldn't have taken place post-Signs and Wonders or post-Brand X, since Scully would have observed the resulting tremors, mood swings, or early, small-scale seizures.

Fight Club fits the aforementioned criteria and gives Mulder a free weekend to drive to his mother's and sister's graves before Je Souhaite.

Mulder would have to have been given a "to be determined" precaution rather than a full-scale diagnosis because he did not wish to be healed in Je Souhaite.

Mulder would have had to be told bad news post-Je Souhaite and pre-Requiem.

"Cerebral inflammation", as has been hammered home, is not a lengthy death: sustained damage and other comorbid factors are responsible for potentially killing the patient after the disease has been treated. As we also know, "cerebral inflammation" can reoccur via erroneous immune signals or a second traumatic event (which would kick off said erroneous immune signals.)

Mulder was in the hospital three times after Amor Fati: once in Signs and Wonders, once in Brand X, and once in Fight Club. Scully was on hand for the first two concerns, and would have seen the results of his painstaking tests and recovery. But she wouldn't have been able to witness his records in Fight Club (since she was recovering herself.) It is wholly possible that the repeated stresses Mulder's body weathered caused a relapse, one which would have been so new and so recent that it wouldn't have manifested unmistakable symptoms-- yet-- before his abduction in Bellefleur. Given autoimmune encephalitis's grace period, that gives a few weeks to three months before Scully could, theoretically, have figured things out. If that be the case, it also slots onto one of two weekends Mulder had free to travel to North Carolina (Fight Club's case wrapped up on Friday the 19th, a day before Saturday the 20th.)

Most importantly, it saves Mulder's dignity. The greatest injustice of the brain disease arc is that it implies a level of ignorance he fostered on Scully's part-- a proclivity to lie by omission rather than openly share the truth between them. While Mulder does have a history of holding back the complete truth -- his exes and past partners, his retrieval of Scully's ova during the cancer arc, his concerns about Emily's paternity, and his mutual feelings towards her-- he was more vulnerably agape after the consummation of their relationship (displaying his fear quietly in Requiem's "I can't risk losing you" plea.) And let's face it: Mulder isn't equipped for the long con-- Scully unfailingly spots and deduces his schemes or aims.

Combine these factors with Mulder's forgetfulness in Je Souhaite-- not a thought was spared towards his mortality when offered three wishes-- and it makes sense why the medical evaluation and determination interval should be kept short.

By giving Mulder a smaller window of time to process, it falls in line with his and Scully's established character traits: his need to withdraw (e.g. Conduit, Pusher, The Red and the Black, One Son, Amor Fati, etc.) before making and sharing a decision with Scully-- and her innate ability to smell out protracted brooding like a bloodhound.

(And, as formerly mentioned, Mulder never buys a headstone, regardless-- no matter how many falsified VISA cards Doggett finds.)

MULDER DID NOT KNOW HE HAD "BRAIN DISEASE"

This second theory rests on the first's medical possibility, but weaves farther down a different path.

The same chronological order applies-- i.e. autoimmune encephalitis recurrence post-Fight Club.

However, Mulder is unaware of his ailing health: his doctors miss the early symptoms during their examinations; and since Scully is otherwise preoccupied (i.e. recovering), it's never notated.

Since AIEs have an additional buffer period of up to three months, and can be hard to catch without physical symptoms or a thorough MRI, it's plausible that Mulder never knew.

This would also fit with the Bellefleur abductees' "encephalitic trauma", strangely: their old injuries could have been recently triggered-- or forcefully triggered once on the UFO-- in the same manner that Mulder's injury was inflamed post-Fight Club.

This idea plays with the best of both worlds: Mulder's decay looming like a ticking time bomb over his and Scully's happiness; his and Scully's unbroken dedication to the truth and each other. A A VISA card and headstone, grave flowers and falsified reports were setup ahead of time-- orchestrated by the CSM's lingering shadow faction in allegiance with the aliens: Mulder eagerly offered as the price the overlords demanded from the humans.

It also works beautifully with Season 7's intended canon (Mulder whole and hale, with no brain disease in sight) and with his and Scully's miscommunication in Three Words (he assuming she's referring to the super soldier virus, she presuming he knows she knows about his brain disease.)

MULDER DID NOT HAVE "BRAIN DISEASE"

Lastly, Mulder was not dying from brain disease:

Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz (and the other writers) did not conceptualize Mulder's brain disease when writing Season 7.

Mulder displayed zero symptoms in Season 7 in the weeks and months leading up to its finale.

Mulder did not wish to be healed when he came face-to-face with a genie in Je Souhaite.

The brain disease timeline Agent Doggett digs up in Season 8 is built on manipulable evidence and irrevocably, triumphantly falls apart on itself.

Mulder never confirms nor denies his alleged diagnosis.

According to this theory, Mulder recovered in "Amor Fati" and did not deteriorate further. Instead, he and Scully investigated their subsequent cases with lighter hearts as they finally consolidated their relationship, found his sister, and made peace with their individual and mutual choices in life. When Mulder was hospitalized for venomous snake bites, he did not display any neurological damage. During the events of Closure and En Ami, Scully quickly ascertained that CSM was suffering and dying-- visible, physical symptoms her partner did not have. When Mulder was hospitalized, again, for an infestation of beetles in his lungs, neither his MRIs nor close, personal observation indicated that he had late-stage brain deterioration and neurological or circulatory damage. When Mulder was hospitalized a third time (alongside Scully), whatever (off-screen) complications arose then were not enough to worry him when granted three wishes an episode later.

If this be the case, the evidence "uncovered" in Within and The Gift would have been outright fabricated. This hypothesis aligns in all respects with the flimsy and superbly dissonant pieces canon offers at different times-- information only forthcoming enough to cast doubt on Mulder's and Scully's good name before disappearing immediately afterwards. Evidence, moreover, that is never corroborated between either agent, or between themselves and Agent Doggett.

It would fit with Season 8's timeline, too: perhaps Mulder makes anomalous trips in May-- with or without Scully's knowledge-- but the dates of at least half of those alleged trips clash with weekends he spent on, or preparing for, other investigations. And perhaps Mulder did investigate Squamash (doubtful): his actions there could still be divorced from an ailing, desperate man.

THE TRUE BELIEVERS

Of course, you can always headcanon Mulder did, indeed, have a year-long brain condition; but that would entail a total disregard of the facts. (Then again, when has that stopped canon before?)

FINAL VERDICT

As enlightening, entertaining, or engaging as this project has been, it will probably not shift or shape minds: whether someone believes in the brain disease or not depends on that person's emotional, observational, and intellectual tastes and pursuits.

My only hope is that this work creates or fosters a new perspective.

CONCLUSION

This has been my most researched and re-edited meta to date.

Thank you to @sagan-starstuff for affirming that, no, the brain disease made no sense and that, yes, I hadn't lost my mind. Hopefully the science presented tracks.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

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