#for some reason I kept hesitating to post my Sam and Max stuff

[heloflor]

A few random thoughts/comments after finally reading the Sam and Max comics (Surfin’ the Highway + “The Big Sleep”) :

- I absolutely love how, whenever they’re in town or in an open place, there’s stuff happening in the background. Random details like that don’t really have any purpose in the story but they make the world feel so much more alive !

- I’m really fond of the way Purcell draws Sam for some reason. Idk, his face is just pleasant to look at.

- Max is getting the Pikachu treatment, looking chubby/chonky in the first interpretation of the character only to look thinner later on.

- It’s very interesting to see how the first “official” Sam and Max comic, “Monkeys Violating the Heavenly Temple”, introduces so many moments that became recurring things (“Sam, I mean Max”, Max being the one who needs saving, Max not being into girls, “you crack me up little buddy”, the fight for the phone, Sam’s long-ass “holy-“ lines, Sam being overprotective, Sam finding Max cute etc)

- It’s also interesting to see “Bad Day on the Moon” in comic form and the few differences with the cartoon version.

- I love how everytime they walk to their office door, they check on Flint Paper. Also Max mentioning how Flint probably wasn’t hugged enough 🥺

- I need an entire series of Sam and Max going on a road trip ! Not only can we have small adventures with new environments and characters, there’s also their cute interactions in the car !

- It’s funny to see places and characters you know are going to come back later on in the franchise, like the carnival from “Hit the Road”.

- I kinda like the random intermission in the long comics, though it feels like a random commercial that’s somehow relevant to the comic. Also that page about the board game to play in a car trip with the advice of “if you don’t have dice, just look at the last number of the plaque from the next car that’s coming” is absolutely genius.

- There’s SO MUCH TOUCHING between the two, especially on Sam’s end ! Like, dude can’t keep his hands away from his bunny ! Ok I may be exaggerating here but still ! So much touching ! And between that and other small moments, it makes me low-key question if they were already boyfriends back then 🤔

(I swear “Purcell wanted to create goofy stories with a fun duo but ended up accidentally creating an amazing and healthy gay relationships with pretty good rep overall and ultimately decided to just accept it and roll with it” is my second favorite thing about this franchise)

- Speaking of which, there’s that one moment in the second road-trip comic in which Sam uses Max as a weapon and then immediately asks Max if what he did was alright or if it bothered Max. And I absolutely adore that.

I think it’s due to the fact that, usually, Sam and Max are on the same wavelength and know each other’s boundaries and likes/dislikes. So it’s interesting to “come back to a time” where they still had to understand those boundaries. I also love how asking this is literally the first thing Sam does, showing that there’s really good communication between the two, which could also explain why in later entries they understand each other so well.

(and sure, I know moments like this one happened in other entries of the franchise, like for example Sam in 301 telling Max he's uncomfortable at the idea of Max teleporting alone, but for some reason this panel really stuck with me)

- The office each time having different framed pictures of the duo like in the cartoon 💖

- As someone who loves when anthropomorphic characters behave more like animals, I am so happy that the comics mention Sam smelling stuff a lot and especially Max having good hearing at least once ! Because this is something I really liked to think about, so it’s nice actually getting to see it being mentioned in canon !

Also there’s that one page (I think in “Bad Day on the Moon” ?) where Sam straight-up bites someone and then gets weirded out by his own action. That was fucking amazing.

- Apparently one of Sam’s favorite things during missions is cornering the villain and telling them to freeze with his gun pointed at them. For some reason I really like that fact.

- The comic about the cereal aisle monster has some pretty good action and a cool monster design. Also apparently Max already had weird powers back then with him being able to communicate with the dead.

Also also Max at the end helping a kid while casually talking to Sam was really cute. Fun fact : Max having baby fever and loving kids is my favorite thing about him, especially due to how much it clashes with his usual “wilder” personality (And for those wondering, my favorite thing about Sam is him being protective and going apeshit when Max is in danger).

Also also also it’s pretty funny to see Sam disliking physical contact from the shopkeeper given how touchy he is with Max in those comics.

- There’s a one-page comic about a lady talking about aliens with Sam not buying any of it, and one of the panels is Sam with a glass of water in hand saying “Lady, I’m this close to pouring my drink on you” while looking completely done with this shit. Hands down my favorite comic panel of all the Sam and Max comics.

(Btw, my second-favorite panel is from the first comic, after Max was kidnapped, when Sam is spitting on a portrait of the villain while pointing out how he’s going to destroy him if he took a single hair off of his precious bunny)

- It’s pretty funny how the comics suddenly start having colors at some point out of the blue, like someone randomly gifted Purcell a box of colored pencils. Though, I don’t know what I like most between the black-and-white or the colored comics. On one hand, the colors add to the background. On the other hand, the black-and-white gave a style that’s pretty fitting with the titular characters being detectives/police.

Ultimately, I think I like the black-and-white more, not just because of the style but also because like half of the stories in color are AU stuff (“The Adventurer” comics) while the black-and-white ones are more “grounded” stories.

Yeah, most of the time, I’m not the biggest fan of AUs. I know, pretty surprising for someone whose first fandom was Unde//rtale of all things.

And yes I learned later on that the first comics actually came out in a colored version. That being said I do like the black-and-white version more since, again, it gives them a “detectives” vibe.

- Sam really has a thing for twin popsicles, doesn’t he ?

- Some comics, especially the ones in color, have a few small “mean-spirited” moments between the duo, especially on Sam’s end, and it feels weird to see them like that. Like when one says “shut up” to the other, when Max does something cruel and Sam points it out by actually calling him cruel instead of cute, or when Sam jokingly threatening to hurt Max for being annoying, including the “killing Max and being sent to heaven” comic.

Now I know those jokes also exist in the rest of the franchise, like for example the “I wanna write a reminder to smother you with a pillow in your sleep” from the first Telltale game or the “shut up it’s starting !” from the cartoon, or even some moments in “Hit The Road” like when you rescue Max at the golf game. But for some reason, the ones in the comic stand out more to me.

I think it might be due to the duo dynamic they have and how much more openly affectionate they are in the games and cartoon, making those “I’m going to hurt you” jokes feel insignificant. 🤔

- There’s a comic about Atlantis that opens up with Sam mentioning how he “never dated within my gender” and I don’t know what surprises me the most between Sam unironically saying this, as if open to the idea, or the fact that they used the word “gender” in a comic form the 90s. In any cases, I like it.

(Also I guess this means Sam and Max weren’t together back then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Unless you picture the comics as taking place out of order, which I might do considering that one Christmas comic with the duo living in a house and having a family dinner. Plus this could explain the “mean-spirited” stuff only being in some comics. Also the cereal aisle comic has a guy from the cartoon + Max having powers, so I could see it taking place around the time of the cartoon, after the Telltale games)

- Sam with abs from that one biker comic is cursed. Chubby Sam with “uncool 40 years-old dad” energy is best Sam.

- And from that same comic, Max gets a tattoo on his right arm. Headcanon that he still has it but it’s hidden under his fur, hence why it’s never visible.

- I love how “The Adventurer Comics”, “The Big Sleep” and the first page of the unfinished comic are just casually available to read on the official Sam and Max website.

- “The Big Sleep” was apparently written around the time of “Save The World”, and I feel like you can kinda see it from the way Max looks in this comic. They removed the chonk in favor of a rounder stomach that resembles his 3D model.

Also I really like how this comic has Sam in danger and Max trying to save him, with Max’s last line of the comic showing some protectiveness. Given how rare it can be at times, I like when they switch around which one needs saving.

Also also this comic has Max calling some guy gay and later on almost saying “piece of shit”. I love it.

Also also also, there’s a cameo of granny Ruth as part of Sam’s memories !!! (along with a picture of Max because of course 💖)

Last thing, since earlier I mentioned the “mean-spirited” moments : this one shows my point by having Sam mentioning bashing Max in the head to help him calm down, with Max reacting by saying “aww, you spoil me !” This is the kind of instance where a joke is actually not mean-spirited because there’s something immediately afterwards showing that Max is enjoying the thought, while in the older comics, it’s just Sam mentioning hurting Max without Max commenting on it, which gives off this “mean-spirited” side.

- There are at least two comics that I’m missing, or at least two that I’m assuming are official. Given how the franchise started with Purcell drawing after his brother’s stories, I’m pretty sure there’s a lot out there that was never published (for those asking, yes I stumbled across some of the earliest versions of those characters from back when Purcell was messing with his brother’s work).

But yeah, from what I know, one of the missing two has a page with Sam and Max pushing n*zis off a cliff, and the second one has a joke about Sam asking Max to remove what he’s wearing and Max refusing, with I think some kind of stereotypical tribe behind them ?

- Thinking about it, I’ve seen people talk about how trigger-happy Sam and Max are in the comics compared to the rest of the franchise, with them being toned down due to age rating. But tbh, I didn’t find them that trigger-happy in the comics, at least not more than the games. They felt pretty on-par with how they act in “Hit The Road” specifically. Might be just me tho 🤔

- Overall, I’d say my favorite comic is “The Big Sleep” due to the whole “Max saving Sam” situation. But more than that, I especially adore how evident it is that Max absolutely loves Sam without outright saying it. It’s shown very well with how worried Max gets, the fact that he greatly compliments the doctor at some point or even the way he decides by himself to investigate the phone because he feels uneasy about the bug and wants to find out what happened to Sam.

This comic aside, the road trip trilogy is a close second and I especially enjoy the moments with the duo in the car, like Sam telling Max a creepy story or them sleeping while still having the car on, etc. I’d probably put the very first official comic as third, mostly for how many recurring things this comic sets up + the usual “Sam saving Max” being nice to see. And the unfinished “Max getting shot” comic would be fourth, because angst is my jam.

[atleastputinsomeeffortinuroc]

Rant/Review: Ready Player One --aka-- Just Watch Wrinkle in Time Instead...

I don’t usually hate movies. 

I know that seems backwards considering that this blog is me complaining and ranting incoherently about movies I don’t like, but very few movies leave me seething. Even all of the Detective Conan movies, which are mostly terrible pieces of garbage, I don’t necessarily hate. Red Crimson Letters is a terrible waste of time and energy, but I wasn’t insulted or felt talked down to. It was just a really bad movie I wanted to talk about.

In my life, there have only been three movies who have truly enraged me. “Batman v Superman,” “Joy,” and “War for the Planet of the Apes.” 

Objectively, there are aspects that are genuinely good in all of them and are definitely better than I probably give them credit for...but I doubt it, but they just flare up an anger in me for one reason or another. They’re permanently on my “fuck that movie” list. And now…now there’s another entrant to that prestigious list.

Ready Player One.

My GOD. THIS was the book everyone’s been talking about? THIS is supposed to be the fucking bible of pop culture?! THIS MOVIE?! THE ONE THAT UNIRONICALLY HAS THE PHRASE SPOKEN BY HUMAN VOCAL CHORDS “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER?!!” ARE YOU GUYS--…ok. Ok, I need to calm down. 

There are several, several, SEVERAL parts about this movie that don’t work, and I could go into a lot of the problems, but instead I’m going to try to talk about three aspects of the film. And for the sake of me not swearing up and down, we’re not going to talk about that godawful dialogue. Just know that it sucks.)

1) The ham-fisted arc

2) The protagonist and his trophy waifu

3) References over content

There are spoilers ahead, and I’m going to write this with the assumption that you’ve already seen the movie. If you haven’t, you’ve been warned. Anywho, let’s get started. Put on some “a-ha,” break your nostalgia goggles and join me as we go down this road where I collectively shit over Spielberg’s attempt to adapt a supposed “beloved classic.” (CAN YOU TELL I’M MAD?!)

1)     The arc

Here’s the thing with arcs in narratives, and more specifically films. 

They need to feel earned. 

Your central character has gone through a life-altering change or point of view since the beginning of the film due to the adventures and trials had throughout the film. Good examples include “Mad Max: Fury Road” where Max finally lets others into his life and sees the value in not going through life alone as described by the part where he donates his own blood and tells Furiosa his name. Another good example is actually from the Oscar nominee Spielberg had LITERALLY LAST YEAR, “The Post.” In it, Kay Graham finally put her foot down and shows authority by stepping out of her comfort zone to release the Pentagon Papers—damn what the powers that be say. This is important to any narrative because it shows the flaws of your characters through their insecurities and hesitations to make them human rather than movie characters. Even if you have paragon characters like Superman, Wonder Woman, or Batman, they still have to overcome some kind of personal issue that is keeping them from achieving what they’ve wanted.

Now, if you look over to the main character, you can see that his arc was…what is it that was his arc? 

He’s…he’s the same at the beginning as he was at the end. 

“OH BUT HE HAS A PENTHOUSE AT THE END,” yeah that’s not a change. One could argue that the (even though the catalyst for change has no fucking relation to it) arc is about unplugging and enjoying the real world. The bits at the end with Easter Egg man where he starts going on and on and on about how he missed reality or something, and the VERY BRIEF bits at the beginning where you see people all over the VR systems, one of which is the mother neglecting a fire in the house and one where an Asian man almost commits suicide after losing all of his stuff in the game (it’s played for comedy, so THAT’S also pretty fun, because it’s not like Japanese suicide rates are a serious issue or anything OH WAIT.) So it’s about being close to reality and unplugging. Ok. Coolio.

But here’s the thing, similar to “War for the Planet of the Apes”…YOU HAVEN’T EARNED IT. There are brief moments where it kind of alludes to it (see the middle challenge with ‘oh yes, I should have kissed the girl during the Shining’ and the small bit at the middle where the main two are sitting there and the main dude has ONE HALF-ASSED LINE about how “it’s nice here. It’s slower,”) but that’s IT. It doesn’t actually give you a reason to think that staying in the Oasis and avoiding reality is a BAD thing. Sure you have abusive father obsessed with getting high scores but he’s just one dimensional asshole dad who dies and you don’t give a shit about it one second later after his parental figures are killed. 

There are no real CONSEQUENCES to spending too much time in the Oasis, it’s just because he’s good at the game. And if there are, they sure as hell aren’t focused on in favor of mindless spectacle (which looks REALLY BAD by the way. I know it’s supposed to look fake because video game, but do the main characters have to use the ugliest models in existence?!) As such, the ending and central arc of learning is lost.

So what’s the arc? Well…there is none. Nothing is really learned, nothing is really gained that MATTERS aside from the keys to Willy Wonka’s goddamn chocolate factory. 

Z or Perzival or Wade or generic-white-gamer-boy learns all of fucking NOTHING by the end. (As such, it makes the ending where he says “EVERYONE HAS TO BE OFF ON TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS” come off as BULLshit.)

But no, this is clearly the Spielberg classic. It’s not like Indiana Jones learned anything in the Last Crusade as a character only he totally fucking DID, HE LEARNED TO RESPECT AND LOVE HIS FATHER WHO HE PREVIOUSLY DESPISED AND THE IMPORTANCE OF—sorry. Sorry I’m getting a bit mad again.

Anywho, due to a lack of a real arc, it makes you think that the entire fucking plot was pointless. It was just inevitable that the good guy win because…well he’s the main character. He doesn’t say anything about anything but is instead dumb fluff, which would be fine…but here’s the thing. It also affects the main characters. And it affects them HARD.

2)     Tweedledee and Tweedledumbass

The two main characters have no personality or character due to this lack of an arc.

The main man, Wade, his personality is…what exactly? He’s just generic hero-boy who is obsessed with the 80s. “He’s like a regular Star-Lord!” I hear you say, only he totally fucking isn’t. Starlord has baggage, has character has points and instances that stretch BEYOND just quoting 80’s movie and saying the actual phrase that a screenwriter actually wrote down and didn’t immediately delete that went “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER” NO I AM NOT OVER IT.

...Point is, the references don’t make Star-Lord who he is, it’s the character of Peter Quill himself. Cocky, brash, and in many ways, a child running from his past. 

As for Wade, he’s got nothing. I’ve looked over this sometimes, depending on the writing or the situation, so maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much, but the actor who plays him isn’t doing a good job. I know I don’t talk about acting a lot, but the man…the man is just whining through his lines. He comes off as insufferable with his needless 80’s knowledge that I was genuinely rooting for the one-dimensional villain to kill that fucking brat.

Then we have Artemis or Samantha or Sam or its-the-pixie-cut-rebel-chick.  

There are several scenes that are etched into my brain now (including a FUCKING NUT-SHOT AND A PASSWORD FOR A HUMAN ADULT THAT IS “B055MAN69.” IN A SPIELBERG MOVIE. THE MAN WHO MADE INDIANA JONES AND SCHINDLER’S LIST.), but one of the big ones is the final image of the film in which the main character in his 80’s man-boy cave spins around with his beautiful woman sitting in his lap as they suck face as the line “reality is pretty awesome anyway” or something like that. Aside from the main character not earning that statement as previously stated…fucking let’s look at it for what it is.

The man just won a real-life walking-talking waifu. A trophy wife that he wins at the end of the game.

She’s what probably made me see through the movie the most honestly. She makes this big fucking deal about “oh, but I’m not who you think I am on the outside, I’m not pretty” and then when you go outside to the real world, of course she’s the fucking gorgeous Hollywood white girl—she just has a goddamn birthmark on her eye to be her “blemish.”

“Oh but she’s insecure about it,” I hear you say--I’m sorry, but you mean to tell me NOBODY told her she’s fine and beautiful with the eye-mark BEFORE Wade? You mean to tell me she’s insecure, but not insecure enough to feel the need to buy fucking MAKE-UP!? I’m not saying that she needs it, I’m saying that the character’s central flaw is the WEAKEST FUCKIN FLAW I HAVE EVER SEEN. YOU WANNA CHANGE THE GAME, QUASIMODO THAT SHIT. 

THEN, and this part was just fucking HILARIOUS to me, she mentions about how the ioi company fucking KILLED HER FATHER in a workshop and she has to stop him for revenge…and then it’s totally dropped. Like it’s never mentioned by the end. At all. She chucks a grenade into Mechagodzilla to kill the bossman but fuck me if it ain’t satisfying and adds physically NOTHING to her character.

Her character exists for one purpose. She is the love interest who sets the main character off on his journey. Nothing more. And I say that, because SHE’S THE CATALYST FOR HIM FINDING THE FIRST KEY. She tells him something that reminds him of something that solves the puzzle. And what’s more, I am willing to bet that THAT’S the reason they kept her Hollywood pretty. Because you need to have an attractive romantic love interest to keep the audience pleased. 

Now apparently, she does more in the movie than she does in the book. And that’s great. That’s super. She’s the one breaking in to destroy the d20 of doom. Hell yeah I guess. But I also don’t care. You wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NOT READING THE BOOK. Superficial changes that improve certain aspects doesn’t make the movie better than it is. It’s like polishing a fucking turd. Yeah, it’s nicer than what you had, but you are still making me hold this piece of dogshit.

They don’t have characters. They don’t have chemistry BECAUSE they don’t have characters. It’s a fucking wash.

3) Drowning in References

But now we talk about the big one. The big fucking thing that everyone and their mother is obsessing about this movie over. And the thing that has gotten me from not liking this movie to fucking DESPISING it.

The references.

To quote from people who will be seeing the movie in the theater *ahem*...

“OHMYGOD IS THAT TRACER?! OH AND IT’S HARLEY AND THE JOKER! OH! OH! OH! IRON GIANT! HALO! BORDERLANDS! BACK TO THE FUTURE! BATMAN—FUCKING IT’S THE BATMAN! THEY MENTIONED THRILLER! THAT’S PRINCE! STREET FIGHTER! MECHA-GODZILLA FIGHTING GUNDAM! MINECRAFT! NINJA TURTLES! FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH! STAR TREK! FIREFLY! THE SHINING! IT’S FUCKING CHUCKY!!!”

…Ok? So what?

Not to be a snob, but seriously—so what? Why does it matter?

Listen, I like crossovers too. I remember the Avengers and what a big goddamn deal it was, and how it made everyone’s jaw drop to the ground, and how in some ways, it still does. But whereas with those it felt organic, Ready Player One with its ninety thousand references felt…empty.

I’m going to bring out two comparisons to the table that do the same thing that Ready Player One did, “Who Framed Rodger Rabbit?” and “Wreck-It Ralph.” Both had pop-culture icons throughout them. One had all of the classic cartoons all spliced together—where you saw Daffy Duck and Donald Duck in the same shot having a dual piano-off. One of them had all of these video game characters that you loved and embraced since you were a kid, running around and hanging out ala “Toy Story.” These big names are all in the background, just like Ready Player One, but they’re clearly different in terms of execution. Why is that?

Well it’s because the movies weren’t reliant on them. Sure, Rodger Rabbit had fun moments with these big names, but if you took them out and animated totally new characters with similar personalities, what would you lose? Nothing. The plot is the same, the dynamics are the same, and it can still be seen as a salute to the classic animations from back in the day to also an allegory for the Jim Crowe era just as the book intentionally was. Same goes for Wreck-it Ralph, the character goes through a fundamental change that has him accepting who he is and how “there’s nobody else I’d rather be, than me” ALL THE WHILE paying respects to classic arcade video games.

The same can’t be said for Ready Player One. The instant you take away the pop-culture references, the movie loses its protective suit of armor to reveal it’s about…nothing. 

It is. 

Nothing. 

The generic quest, the generic corporate baddie, the generic love interest, the main character has nothing to say, and the conflict is revealed to be flat—nothing about it sticks out or makes an impression.

And if you fail to make an impression without a fucking suit pop-culture references then, well, if I may use a pop-culture quote myself...“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”

Plain and simple.

But then…there’s the one thing I can’t really debate. 

“It’s just fun though, right?”

Yeah sure. I’ll admit around that third act, even though it was long overdrawn, I had fun watching the violence and references I understood while they blasted “We’re Not Gonna Take It” in the background.

But y’know what? It was just about as enjoyable as seeing someone adapt a piece of shitty fanfiction, because both have one thing in common for everything that they do: It’s just there for fan service. If you make the statement “well the Oasis is cool,” then you’ve clearly missed the point because you don’t like the movie, you like it’s gimmick. And it’s gimmick exists—it’s called VR Chat.

Meanwhile, screenwriters of different backgrounds, ethnicities, genders and religions from everywhere across the world are actually putting EFFORT into their screenwriting and directing. And while their action scenes for their blockbuster idea may not be perfect, they at least tried and did something new with it.

I went to see “Wrinkle in Time” today after I’d seen Ready Player One yesterday, needing to see literally anything good. And yeah, it’s not perfect. It’s got some stilted dialogue and some questionable acting on nearly all fronts at points and the conflict can be about as cliched as you can imagine, but the visuals, the costume design—you could tell everyone cared and put a goddamn effort into everything put forth. It’s much more gorgeous than the downright UGLY CG that was in the Oasis world in Ready Player One, and I guarantee you nobody had the phrase “B055MAN69” anywhere. It didn’t pander to kids or guys who wanted to feel validated for knowing a couple references. It wanted to tell the story of fighting back evil and hatred by embracing love. It’s cheesy and sappy…but fuck me, if it didn’t try to say something while having fun.

But fuck that movie right? We have Iron Giant fighting Mechagodzilla. 

If you have that, then why bother putting in effort?

That’s what kills me. It’s lazy and people praise it because it just stuck pop-culture words in a fucking blender. Don’t call it innovative. Don’t call it original. Don’t call it anything than what it is.

80’s. Prepubescent. Fucking. Fanfiction.

You can love it and enjoy it if you want, I mean I don’t like not liking movies. It sucks. And in some aspects, I can see why you can if you turn your brain off but…I’m not gonna lie, to see this get away with murder insults me.

Listen, I love Spielberg. There is nobody I respect more in the business. His work in AI, and the reason why he did so to keep a dying friend’s vision alive will always keep him as one of my personal heroes but…sometimes you gotta call people out when they make shit. And I am.

I don’t care what anyone says, don’t see Ready Player One. Watch something worthwhile. Go to Netflix and watch “Stranger Things” if you’ve got that need for an 80′s kick, or hell--”Blade Runner 2049″ is a visual goddamn MARVEL. Go see “The Post” or “Jaws” if you want some good Spielberg. Just PLEASE! Go see something that isn’t just a bunch of references that almost feel as though it’s a remake of “ctrl+alt+del.” 

(Random aside, people have told me to read the original book...but if that fucking thing is ANYTHING like this movie, I’d rather BURN IT than let it get one inch into my house. So no, I’m not going to read the book even if there are claims that it’s “better.” (Even though I believe that it’s impossible to say a book is better than it’s adaptation or vice versa because it’s two different mediums and as such it’s hardly fair, but that’s a whole other thing.) Point is, I’ve never been more turned off to a book in my godddamned life and I ain’t gonna bother.)