#forever-vestige made it my problem

[twerkasaurusphd]

blame @forever-vestige

this is the single worst way i've ever read to describe an erection, frank herbert

[greatwyrmgold]

...which the International Classification of Diseases defines as feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance, and a reduced sense of personal agency. Clinically burned-out people are not only tired, they also feel detached from other people and no longer in control of their lives, in other words.

...that feels familiar.

Other researchers describe burnout as consisting of three dimensions: exhaustion, a reduced sense of accomplishment, and depersonalization (a lost sense of self, or a sense of disconnection from one’s own life). They can no longer feel internally rewarded by what work they do complete, and may lose touch with the values that once mattered to them and drove them to do pursue work in the first place.

Uh oh.

With each round, it’s made me slower and more fragile, my brain sludgier and less willing to exert effort. Eventually, after a long enough period of rest, some vestige of passion does come back and directs itself at something new. But I never return to being the person I was. And I get more tired, more quickly, each time.

That's ominous.

We are forever changing, responding to our circumstances and bearing the marks of our experiences. What hurt us in the past, we withdraw from. What yields us no rewards, we learn not to pursue. And with time, what we once did, we can no longer do.

...

Van Dam observes that clinical burnout patients tend to suffer from an excess of perseverance, rather than the opposite [...] clinical burnout sufferers typically push themselves through unpleasant circumstances and avoid asking for help. They’re also less likely to give up when placed under frustrating circumstances, instead throttling the gas in hopes that their problems can be fixed with extra effort. They become hyperactive, unable to rest or enjoy holidays, their bodies wired to treat work as the solution to every problem.

...

Van Dam observes that ... “Some were not even aware of the stressfulness of their lives, until they collapsed.”

Shit.

We start to doubt our every feeling, and so we can’t distinguish between a bout of exhaustion that really merits a break and us being whiny, entitled crybabies who will never know security if we don’t figure out how to toughen up. Hard work and compliance become the only tools we can use to protect ourselves, and we lean on them heavily, until they give out.

Agh

It can all feel so pitiful, how much comfort I need, that my heart is this ripped-open hole pulling inward with so much need. My life with disability can look so damn childish and small. 

blreu

...

So, like, do you have any advice? Things we can do about it, in this world of rent and medical bills?

All of the impressive work that I did when I was getting burnt out is gone from me now, but the pleasures and relationships that I’ve cultivated have stayed. Burnout asks me whether I really need to claw at the whole world with both hands. And it suggests that what I’m holding is already more than enough. There is a wealth all around.

I guess that's nice if you manage to cultivate pleasures and relationships before burning out. Not sure how that helps you not die, but it's something. For those people specifically.

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 17 Summary:

Six months ago, Joel Miller had thought that the sky was falling, and now life seemed to be going surprisingly well. Having gotten over his fears of being a dad, he was slowly starting to get excited at the possibility of a future, something he never thought possible. However, a new fear has emerged, one that reminds him every day that the life he has can be taken away. With bodies showing up closer and closer to the gates of Jackson, what will he do when he is forced back into reality?

Warnings: Fluff & Smut, Breeding Kink, Pregnant!Reader, Angst/Comfort Abandonment Issues, Canon-Typical Violence Towards Infected, Talks of Joel's Past Self Harm, Two Brothers Sitting in a Booth - Five Feet Apart Because They Have Problems Expressing Their Emotions.

A/N:

Hello everyone! I hope you guys have been doing well :)

This week has a bit of a time jump, all the way to summer. Reader is now eight months pregnant and Joel has actually chilled out (as much as someone like our man possibly can lol). Life is domestic and sweet, but it can't go on like that forever.

Warnings for the chapter include pregnancy stuff obviously but also talks about fearing the loss of children, along with chats between brothers about Joel's past self harm. And of course, because I'm not a complete monster, smut ;)

Let me know what you think!

Chapter 17/20

Chapter 17: Even The Pawn Must Hold a Grudge

Sweat dripped down Joel’s face, stinging his eyes as his shovel dug into the cool dirt. The July weather had been uncharacteristically warm for Wyoming and he found himself missing the modern luxury of air conditioning as he searched for the leaking pipe. With no depressions or sinkholes around the dining hall, he and the few other Jackson residents on the job had been digging pointless holes in search of the leak for a week. It wouldn’t be so bad if the last vestiges of June hadn't drifted away so quickly, leaving him sweating in the sweltering heat as he worked. 

When Joel had agreed to this job, it had been advertised to him as a favor. Six months ago, when he had finally figured out what was ailing his mate, he had made the conscious decision to do everything in his power to keep you happy. That meant that he had to be present, at all times, a feat that had scared the shit out of him at first. Whether it be for check ups, late night cravings, or the inevitable mood swings that came with pregnancy, Joel Miller turned himself into the type of  man you would want to weather a storm with. That meant that if his pregnant mate wanted him to take less patrol shifts, needing him to be closer just in case she popped, then Tommy was out of luck. 

Which led him to where he was, with sweat burning his eyes as he worked. The strained nerves at the base of his spine jolted with each movement, sharp jabs reverberating down his legs every time the tip of his shovel jammed into the dirt, but he ignored it. What he needed was to get this finished so that he could get home, so that he could get back to you. By the time he finally saw the first signs of the leak, with the water rushing up from the small hole he had made to dampen his boots, he was moments from quitting. He sighed, an elated chuckle coming from him at the sight. 

“Found it!,” Joel shouted as he heaved himself up to sit on the edge of the pit. 

A whistle came from behind him and he turned his head, rolling his eyes at the mustached man that strolled towards him. 

“Thank Christ, thought you were gonna have a heart attack if ya didn’t find it soon,” Tommy laughed, his eyes twinkling with playfulness. 

Joel scoffed and lifted himself from the dirt with a hoarse groan, wiping his jeans as he stepped forward to meet his brother. 

“M’fine, healthy as a horse. Just my damn back,” he returned, rubbing his dirty hands on his brother’s coat as he passed. 

Tommy laughed and batted him away, chasing after him once he had wiped the dirt from his jacket. As Joel walked back towards the shed, leaving the rest for the younger guys, he listened to his brother’s incessant rambling and tried his best to answer each statement with at the very least a nod. It had been like this between them for the past few months, ever since the younger man had opened up to him at the bar. Tommy had left the door open for him, even letting him have a peek at some of the darker parts of himself that he had never seen, and Joel had tried his best since then to do the same. He was growing and it was as awkward as it was joyful. 

In reality, Joel’s version of open communication was a bit more reserved than his brother’s but it was progress. A few awkward conversations had been had, the majority of them making him feel so uncomfortable that he could barely look his brother in the eye, but they had found some common ground. The most obvious one being the conundrum of fatherhood in such a world. Talking about the things they had done and the people they had lost was excruciating, but it was nice to know he wasn’t the only one that was worried his blood soaked hands might stain the child. Tommy had slowly become someone he could rely on, or perhaps he had always been, and the more your stomach grew, the more he had needed him. 

The first time Tommy showed up for him had been a month after Joel found out, when you had excitedly pointed out the bump that had formed seemingly overnight. He had smiled and acted thrilled at the time, showering you with kisses and love before he quietly excused himself to tear into the stables for his patrol shift like a maniac. Tommy didn’t say anything at first, quietly allowing his brother to race through the patrol like a hellhound was biting at his heels, but it was once they had encountered trouble that the younger man had put his foot down. 

Joel had been reckless that day. The horde near the music store was small, with enough clickers to ensure that it would be a tough gig, but not enough to call in backup. Usually they would have gone in silent, as it was safer and left less room for failure. However, that day he had acted like an idiot and gone in guns blazing. He can still remember his brother’s surprised shout when he opened fire, the younger man cursing as he took his gun out and joined in on the mayhem.  

Much to Joel’s dismay, Tommy was not willing to let it slide as he would have once upon a time. The walls had come down. Joel was no longer the vicious smuggler of the Boston QZ, known to all for his brutality and bloodlust. And Tommy wasn’t a marine or a firefly anymore, meaning that there was no cause left for him to fight for except his own family. Which meant that after the horde was dispensed, his brother had slapped him up the side of the head. 

“Hey! What’s up your ass?,” Joel hissed, rubbing the red handprint burning against his skull. 

“What’s up my ass? What’s up YOUR ass? You’ve been off all day and now this? This shit was stupid as fuck, you know that,” Tommy snapped. 

A silence ensued, one where all that Joel could hear was the sound of his blood rushing in his ears and the snow that fell to the middle of the store in heaps from the holes in the roof. He watched as his brother chewed on his lip, looking like he was trying to see through his skull to pick at his brain. Another few tense seconds passed, the staring contest growing more heated by the second, but it was shattered when Tommy suddenly laughed. 

“Was it the bump or the heartbeat that freaked you out? For me it was the heartbeat, made that shit waaay too real,” the younger man snickered. 

He blinked, eyes widening as he tried to shove down the ingrained urge to clam up. You had broken him of the habit but it was Joel that needed to do the work to ensure it didn’t return. 

“Um, it was the bump. We can’t uh - I can’t see the baby you know? The heartbeat was cool to listen to on the stethoscope but I couldn’t see it. Then one day she wakes up and boom, there’s our baby sticking out of her stomach. I could see it and it felt so…,” Joel trailed off. 

“Real?,” Tommy guessed and Joel nodded. 

They walked back to the horses in silence, stopping only to peek into the pharmacy on the off chance that they might find something of use. Aside from collected dust and broken glass, the place was empty, leading them to quickly abandon it. Joel was ready to get back, to avoid his own feelings by burying himself in a series of jobs that took him away from the reality waiting for him at home. Perhaps if he worked hard enough, he wouldn’t notice how round you were getting. Maybe that would halt the panic attacks he had been hiding from you. 

An arm had stopped Joel when he moved to climb onto Rusty, drawing him from his spiraling thoughts. He lowered his foot, turning to face the younger man with a cocked eyebrow. 

“Look, I was scared shitless by that heart beat, but you know what I did to get over it? I talked to her, to Maria. You want to put yourself on the line during patrols? Fine, but how well do you think she’s gonna take it when you wind up dead? Think it’ll be good for the kid?,” Tommy prodded. 

Joel felt his chest tighten at those words, aching at the thought of you having to go through something like that. Even in the past month he had noticed other changes, like how much more emotionally vulnerable you had become. According to the timeline that was the doctor’s best guess, you were three months pregnant at the time and had been stuck to his side at every possible moment, while also being prone to bouts of crying. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what a loss like that would do to you in this state, not to mention the precious cargo you were carrying.

“Go home and tell her that you’re scared. I promise you that it’ll help. Lord knows I needed Maria to bring me back to earth more than a few times,” his brother sighed, patting him on the shoulder before he turned to hop up on his horse. 

That night Joel had gone home and followed Tommy’s instruction, waiting until you were cuddled up to his side in bed to share the worries that filled him with so much shame. He had used the cover of night, with the curtains you had made for the bedroom blanketing the room in such a potent darkness that you couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. As he had whispered his fears, you had listened carefully, pressing yourself deeper into his side to soothe his growing panic. And to his surprise, his brother was right, you had quelled his fears with one simple conversation. A simple conversation that had then led to a lovemaking session that was so sweet that you had both shed a few tears. 

Since then, Joel found himself confiding in Tommy more and more, something that he could’ve never imagined after his last stint in Jackson. His brother had showed up for him and he was trying his best to do the same. Which led him to where he was now, listening to the younger man gush about his son. 

“- and do you know what the kid told me? Dad, you’re too old to go on the swingset. Me! He called ME old. Can you believe that Joel?,” Tommy asked incredulously. 

Joel chuckled, “Uh yeah? Frankie’s right, you ARE fucking old. Might break a damn hip just by trying to climb up on that thing.”

His brother guffawed and punched him in the arm, which only made him laugh harder. 

“Asshole, you’re older than me. If I’m old enough to be breakin’ hips, you must have one foot in the grave you geriatric fuck,” Tommy grumbled. 

Joel shook his head and stepped into the workshed, discarding the gardening gloves so he could gather his things. He picked up the ridiculous lunch box you had started packing him in the mornings, the cartoon red dog on the front of him making him sigh each time he saw it. Nevertheless, Joel always took it with him, despite some of the looks that the Jackson residents gave him when they saw him slip it into his bag for patrols or carry it down the street to the neverending construction jobs. He didn’t care what they thought anyways. Plus, if his girl was going to go to the trouble of packing him a lunch, he wasn’t about to refuse it. 

With the bag in hand, Joel left the shed and shut it behind him. He spotted his brother across the street talking to Maria, the serious looks on their faces halting him in his place. His stomach clenched and he prayed that their conversation wasn’t about him. However, instead of waving him off so that he could return home, Tommy motioned for him to come closer. Joel dragged his feet every step of the way, his stomach churning at what he knew was about to be asked of him. 

“Tommy says you found the leak,” Maria stated, her gaze as pointed as ever. 

Joel nodded, “Yes ma’am, me and the crew are gonna bail it out tomorrow. I’ll replace the pipe and then we should be good to turn the water for the dining hall back on. The younger guys can fill the hole back up once we test it a few times.” 

She nodded, her eyes flitting to Tommy for a half of a second before they refocused on him. He sighed at her determined expression. There was no way he would be able to get out of patrols anymore. Something had happened, something that meant Joel’s expertise was needed. There was no other reason Maria would take time out of her busy day to talk to him specifically, especially with their history. 

“M’sure that the others can do all of that. That Dina is pretty handy, we’ll get her to replace the pipe and then the crew can do the rest,” Tommy piped up. 

Joel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The group effort from his family was a little much, even for someone as uncommunicative as him. With the sweat soaking through his shirt and his back aching like a motherfucker, he was not in the mood to be swindled. So instead, he focused his attention on Maria. Despite their rocky start, Joel had learned to appreciate how straight forward she was and that was exactly what he needed in that moment. 

“Knock it off will ya? Just tell me whatchu want,” Joel sighed. 

Tommy looked at his wife, his eyebrows raised as she straightened her spine and switched back into leader mode. 

“Four bodies were found this morning, all taken from different patrols that have gone missing in the last few months. All looking like they have been kept alive and tortured. We’re pulling the newer patrollers off of rounds, we need people with experience,” Maria explained. 

Joel sighed and looked at his feet, trying to avoid what he knew his answer had to be. The people going missing patrols had been a problem since before he knew about the baby, but they had only gotten worse in the months that followed. The first had been chalked up to desertion, the second infected, but by the fifth missing group Jackson had to come to terms with the fact that there was a threat lurking in the woods. 

From the second you heard about the bodies being dumped near the gates, he had decided to take a break from patrols. Maria had agreed with the promise that the arrangement was temporary, the understanding being that he could be called back at any moment if the camp needed him to. It was a sweet deal, one that Joel was surprised to have gotten considering the fact that he was already going to be taking time off for the birth and first few weeks of his baby’s life. He knew that his free pass wouldn’t last long but he had hoped for just a bit longer in Jackson for your sake. 

“I’m back on the schedule?,” Joel grunted, a heavy weight forming in his chest at the thought of having to break the news. 

“Me and you will ride out tomorrow at dawn. There’s been some weird shit going on in town, we’re gonna go check it out and then come back. Gonna keep the patrols short for now, should be back for lunch,” Tommy said, sheepishly kicking at the dirt. 

He sighed, unable to keep the distaste from his face as he stood before them. There was no answer he could give other than yes, he knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier. 

“I know that you’re worried about her, but I can promise that she can handle you being gone for the morning. She’s a grown woman,” Maria reminded him. 

Joel sucked his teeth and nodded, wordlessly agreeing to their request with a scowl. Without another word, he turned and walked away. He knew that it was abrupt, but he needed to go before he exploded into a rant about how well you would actually handle his absence. Or better yet, how he’d fair knowing that you were back at home worried sick about him. 

“Joel!,” his brother yelled. 

“If you want me to be able to go, I better go tell her. She’s ain’t a big fan of surprises right now, so thanks,” Joel called over his shoulder, not even stopping to turn back. 

They didn’t try to stop him after that, allowing him to hightail it back home so that he could have the difficult conversation. Joel dreaded the look on your face but he didn’t dare slow his brisk pace, knowing the truth in his previous statement. The hormones had driven you to nest in your freetime, along with plan every other second of the day in order to welcome the pup into a completely prepared home. He went along with the lists, happy to fix up the house, brainstorm baby names, and help paint the nursery, but he drew the line when you tried to pencil in times specifically for fucking. 

“But Joooooel, that way you won’t forget to take care of me before work… And after work… And also maybe on your lunch break,” you had whined, making him bite back a grin. 

The funny thing was, he knew that you were being absolutely serious. Although the pregnancy hormones had made you more emotional, they had also made you incredibly horny, a fact that he had been thoroughly enjoying for months. 

“S’too much honey, just tell me when she needs me and I’ll be there. You know that,” Joel had laughed. 

Of course, that had led to you telling him you needed him right at that instant, and filthy fucking had quickly ensued. As a result of that conversation, there was only one part of the day that remained unplanned, while every other second was accounted for. He allowed it, knowing that the lists saved you from going into a nesting frenzy and trying to complete a million jobs at once. Even after you started working at the clinic during your third month, something he hated due to the physical toll but ultimately had to support, you still kept a strict schedule. And now, he was about to fuck that coveted schedule up by going on patrol, which meant he was scared shitless. 

“Good afternoon Joel,” a voice called, breaking him from his reverie. 

Joel looked up from his dirt caked shoes, reaching the driveway just as your mother and Allie stepped off of it. The glossy ringlets that adorned the little girl’s face were drenched in red syrup, the culprit being the popsicle that she slobbered on. He chuckled at the sight, thankful that he didn’t have to deal with the handful of a toddler once all of the sugar hit her system. 

“Afternoon ma’am,” he drawled, nodding to your mother respectfully. 

Although he could tell that she still didn’t trust him at all, something that he completely understood given the hell she had been put through, your mother had been slowly coming around. Whereas months ago she could barely stand to be in the same room with him without pointing out his faults, she had become cordial to him. With where they had first become acquainted being so desolate and the embarrassment of their second encounter, Joel counted that as a win. 

“You should get in there. I told her she shouldn’t be doing all that work but you know my daughter, too stubborn for her own good,” she warned, grabbing Allie’s free hand so she could pull the girl towards home. 

Joel thanked her and turned on his heel, picking up the pace until he was barreling through the foyer. He stomped through the house, remembering how you had recently tried to climb up a ladder to clean the gutters by yourself when he had been just a few minutes late getting home. For six minutes Joel had tried to convince you to come down from the three steps you had taken towards the roof but you had refused, leading him to lift you from the ladder and carry you kicking and screaming into the house. The fight that had resulted from that had been legendary, but you had ultimately agreed that you shouldn’t be climbing a ladder with nobody around, let alone while you were pregnant. 

When he saw that the living room and piano room were empty, he was close to tears. All Joel could think about was the million little jobs you could have gotten into, the ones that you had promised you would let him do despite your insistence that you were perfectly capable. It wasn’t so much that he thought the pregnancy was making you weak, more so that your center of gravity was so off that it was affecting your balance. Every day it seemed like he was catching you as you stumbled. That and the dizzy spells you had been getting recently were enough reason for him to be terrified at the thought of you in high altitudes. 

“Darling? Where are you?,” he yelled, speed walking towards the back of the house. 

“In here,” replied a melodious voice and he hastened to follow it. 

The kitchen was a disaster when Joel walked in, with all of the bowls, plates, glasses, and other various kitchenware items scattered over the floor and crowding the table in the breakfast nook. The mess was huge, with all of the cupboards stripped of their usual contents in order to make way for a good scrub of the inside, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about it in the slightest. Not when you were the only thing he could see. 

The fact that you were shirtless didn’t surprise him, tits out seemed to be a constant since you had hit the third trimester and he was not about to complain about the free show he got every day. Being eight months pregnant meant that you had grown out of your clothes first, then his as well, meaning that you were scraping by with annoyingly oversized extras donated from the community. The baby was big, so big that the word twins had been thrown around a few times by the doctor, but he was actively ignoring that insight at every turn. One problem at a time, he thought to himself. Joel was a tall kid and his brother was no runt either, that was what he had to remind himself of each time the topic was brought up so that he didn’t have a panic attack. 

Still, with the heat of summer in full swing, Joel found you walking around in nothing but a pair of painties most of the time. The weight of the child was already enough, but the added heat meant that during your spare time you would likely be naked to combat it. Which was how he found you, in nothing but a pair of black panties as you stood on the counter, scrubbing the inside of the cupboards. 

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?!,” Joel gasped, stumbling through the maze of kitchen supplies that you had created while he was gone.  

“They need to be cleaned Joel, who knows what kind of germs are in here. What if the baby-”

“The baby isn’t going to be anywhere near the inside of the cupboards!,” he cut you off, an urgency in his voice as he continued, “Please, you gotta get down honey, you’re gonna give me a heart attack. You’re gonna fall, I can feel it.” 

You snorted and turned, the swell of your stomach peaking out to him. Seeing the taut skin pulled over his growing child did little to soothe his alarm and Joel reached out a shaky hand to help you down. His breaths rattled in his chest, heart thumping wildly as he waited for you to take it. Furrowing your eyebrows at him, you looked at it for a second before placing your hand in his. He knew that you only caved because you could sense his growing panic, but he didn’t care, too frazzled to do anything but help you down. It was only when your feet touched the floor that Joel let himself breathe. 

“Joel,” you chided, “You’re so dramatic, I was perfectly fine! Plus, it needed to be done. It was on the schedule and you weren’t here so I-”

“So you come get me next time, or you go get Tommy, or Cooper, or literally anybody else to do the job! I told you they both said that they’d be more than happy to help and I-” 

“But I told you! I don’t want to bother them, especially Cooper, he already has to deal with Jake being on bed rest. And plus,” you sighed, “I don’t want to have to put on those stupid clothes, it’s already hard enough to do it when my mom comes over. I basically begged her to leave today.” 

Joel groaned in frustration and leaned down, pressing his forehead into yours to remind himself to take a breath. He knew of your aversion to clothes as of late, as well as your stubborn need to always do things yourself, but it didn’t give you a pass on putting yourself in danger. What he needed more than anything was to not worry about you every second of the day, yet you seemed adamant about working yourself to death while carrying his pup. Nevertheless, he also knew he had to be gentle in his approach. The last thing he wanted was to make you cry. 

“Okay sweetheart, I understand,” Joel started, “But you can’t be getting up there and I think you know that the doc would agree with me. S’not safe for ya. If you really don’t want to stay dressed then give ‘em the job and frig off, tell them you're going upstairs for a nap.” 

Sighing, you rolled your eyes at him but nodded. 

“Fine, but if one of them sees me naked you can’t be mad. Not my fault if they come up and catch a peek,” you shot back, earning a chuckle from him. 

He shook his head, “I won’t, promise.” 

Joel smiled when you kissed his jaw, happy that you were willing to go along with his request. He knew that the limited mobility was driving you nuts, but that was nothing compared to him. The thought of you getting hurt while growing his child was close to turning him into a lunatic. If he had it his way, you would let him do everything and get your exercise by taking easy walks throughout town on your days off like the doctor had suggested, but nothing with you was ever that easy. Of course you had disregarded that, still working at the clinic while you did insane jobs around the house in your free time that turned his hair even grayer than it already was. 

“Okay, just let me just put all of this back. I’m fucking starving and there’s no way I’m cooking in this mess,” you said, pulling away to get back to your ridiculous task. 

He grabbed you just as you turned away, shifting your hips so that your belly was pressing against his front. Joel placed his hands on the swell, admiring the way your body had changed to accommodate the child growing within. Fine white lines stretched over the skin, each one serving as a reminder of the strength it took for you to house the life that the two of you had created together. He brushed his hands over the bump, his gaze reverent as he looked up at you.  

“Baby, you know that I think you are capable of anything right?,” Joel asked tentatively. 

You nodded. 

“So, you know that it’s nothing personal when I tell you to sit your ass down so that I can do it, right?,” he pressed on, making you roll your eyes at him again. 

“Hmmmm… Fine, but I want food and then I want you to take a nice cool bath with me,” you conceded, leaving a kiss on the bald patch of his beard before you walked away. 

Joel shook his head, watching as you strolled down the hall with hawk-like eyes. The extra few pounds that pregnancy had brought on were looking mighty fine to him from where he stood. To his delight, much of it had gone to your ass, the same one that swallowed the black fabric of your panties deliciously as you walked away. Along with that, he had been thrilled by the added volume to your hips, which taunted him with their swaying each day. If the fact that you were his mate and you were carrying his baby wasn’t enough to make him grovel, which it was, the new edition to your curves made him want to kiss the ground you walked on. 

“Doing a lot of staring and not a lot of working, mama’s hungry,” you hollered back to him as you turned into the living room. 

“Yes ma’am,” Joel answered dutifully, spinning around to take in the disaster of a room before him. 

He worked incredibly fast, the thought of leaving you hungry too much for him to bear. The kitchen was put back together in no time, and Joel soon got to work on making you something to eat. Ignoring the oatmeal he knew you hated, as well as the meat which had started to make you sick about five months into your pregnancy, he decided upon a simple vegetable soup for lunch. 

Music drifted from down the hall, the sound of an old country ballad gracing his ears as he cooked. The record player had been a gift from Tommy and Maria, a generous edition to the guitar his brother had left in the piano room for Joel to find upon his arrival. Since getting it, you used it everyday, having read somewhere that music would help with the baby’s brain development. There were even a few times that he had been goaded into playing the guitar for you, singing ever so softly to the growing bump in hopes that she might be able to hear him. Joel wasn’t sure about how much he believed in the baby being able to hear him from within the womb but it made you happy, which meant he loved it. 

Once the soup was finished, he poured it into bowls, grabbing the biscuits your mother had brought the previous day to satiate your hunger. Joel walked down the hall and he felt his heart melt when he reached the living room. He smiled at the sight of you sitting on the couch, cradling your stomach as you mumbled sweet words under your breath. For a few seconds he watched, a warmth like no other wrapping around his heart and squeezing it when he realized you were singing to the pup. It was a Kenny Logins song that he had once tried to teach you on the guitar eons ago, in a desolate cabin in the woods with nothing else to do, and he couldn’t believe you remembered it. 

When you stopped to smile at him, Joel practically teleported to your side, not wanting to spend another second apart. In fact, all he wanted was to sit and watch you eat the meal he had prepared, to witness first hand how he had nourished both you and his child. It scratched an itch deep inside of him, one that screamed at him every second of the day to safeguard what was his, one that needed to ensure that nothing bad ever happened to his loved ones ever again. Every moment of every day since finding out he was to be a father again was about that itch and he clawed at it constantly, unwilling to let the worst come to pass for a third time. 

“Thank you baby,” you sang, eyes lighting up when you noticed the biscuits he had brought. 

“Soup too please, can’t have you running on nothing but treats,” Joel reminded you, making you groan and nod as you took the bowl from him. 

Only when you dug in did he calm, with Joel slowly munching on his food as he eyed you. He tried to be as subtle as he could while watching you eat, knowing how uncomfortable it made you, but he couldn’t help it. Joel didn’t know why, perhaps it was some crazy alpha instinct or perhaps it was his previous losses, but he found himself desperate to satiate every need, even when you didn’t ask him to, Every time you finished a meal, he was already up, collecting your bowl to refill it even if you claimed to be stuffed. There had even been a couple times where he had snuck his own food onto your plate, willing to go hungry if it meant you would be cared for. 

“Ya know, if I didn’t love you so much, I would probably say that you’re being a little creepy with the whole watching me eat thing,” you said around a mouthful of food. 

He huffed a laugh, “I know, I don’t mean to stare sweetheart. Guess, I just need -”

“You need to fuss,” you finished for him, having heard it more than a few times, “I know, just maybe not while I’m eating. Makes me feel weird and that makes me not want to eat. I need to fucking eat Joel.” 

Those were the magic words that forced Joel’s gaze downwards, leaving him to stare at the contents of his bowl with newly found interest. He felt his ears turn red at your words, slightly embarrassed by his inability to let it go. There was no reason for him to be so interested in your eating habits. He knew that you had been keeping up with every dietary requirement thrown at you by the doctor, but his hormone fueled brain was not as reasonable as him. 

Joel was so focused on trying not to look at you that he jumped when he felt your arm brush against his. When he realized that you were scooching closer, he smiled, loving the feeling of your body melting into his side despite the heat. With you practically sitting in his lap, arms knocking against his as you ate, he didn’t need to stare to know that you were enjoying the meal. Instead, he could feel it. 

“Thank you honey,” Joel murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek before he returned to his own meal. 

“Mmmm-hmmm,” was all he got in response. 

The meal was finished in relative silence, aside from the soft music coming from the record player and the sounds of spoons scraping against bowls. Joel let you finish off the biscuits, waving you off with a knowing smile when you tried to be polite and offer him some. When you were done, he collected the dishes and walked them back to the kitchen. He managed to reach the sink just in time to drop them in with a bang, practically sprinting back when he heard the telltale sound of you trying to get up off the couch. 

“I can do it myself,” you grumbled as he helped haul you up. 

He fought the urge to roll his eyes, remembering how you had spent the entire day sitting on the floor of the piano room a week ago because you had made the mistake of kneeling down to retrieve a dropped book. Joel had found you absolutely fine, other than a bladder that was begging to be relieved and a growling stomach. Still, he had made it his mission to help gather you from as many surfaces as possible since then. 

Joel hummed, “I know baby, just let me give you a hand now and then. Makes me feel better.”

Sighing at his obvious attempts at distracting you from the fact that you were gravitationally challenged, you nodded and allowed him to pull you towards the staircase. Joel climbed the steps glued to your back, ready to catch you at the first sight of a shaky limb. He knew that this part you could still do, but that didn’t mean that the glossy wood didn’t make him incredibly nervous. By the time you waddled into the bedroom, Joel could tell that you were annoyed with him so he quickly moved to the bathroom to start your bath to hopefully quell the incoming storm. He poured the herbs and salt that Maria had given you into the water, the same ones she had used to soothe her back when she was pregnant with Frankie, and reminded himself to thank her. As he watched the water fill up, he heard you call his name and walked back to the doorway. 

“Yeah?,” he answered, poking his head into the bedroom. 

And there you were, lying on your back with your feet dangling off the edge of the bed. Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of your panties pulled only halfway down to your knees, knowing that you were either too tired or too round to get them off.

“I need help,” you admitted, sounding absolutely heartbroken at the admission. 

He stepped forward, “I can see that.” 

You eyes snapped open and he watched as you shakily propped yourself up on your elbows to glare at him. Joel wiped the smirk off of his face, raising his hands in defeat as he moved to untangle the black fabric from your knees. When they were off, you quietly thanked him, flopping back against the sheets with a sigh. 

“Something on your mind darling?,” Joel asked carefully, not wanting to poke the bear. 

“I’m just so fucking big right now, I can’t even take my own underwear off Joel! And I’m pretty sure that if it is just one baby that’s in here, it’s going to be like the size of a five year old when I finally push it out. How am I supposed to do that? My coochie is NOT that big,” you groaned. 

He sighed and grabbed your hands, carefully peeling you from the bed so that he could kneel between your legs. Although you whined at the change, you still allowed him to haul you up and quickly grabbed his shoulders for stability once you were upright. In turn, Joel placed one hand on your back for support, the other one resting protectively over your midsection. 

“Honey, I’m not going to act like I know anything about being pregnant, but I do know that you can do this. Sure, she might be a big ass baby, but she’s going to come out and we’re going to love her. You’ve got this,” Joel encouraged, drawing soft circles over your aching back as he did. 

“She?,” you piped up, eyes twinkling with delight. 

With the ultrasound machine in Jackson broken beyond repair, the two of you had been unable to see any of the fine details of the pup, including the sex. Nevertheless, with most expecting omegas doomed to go through the pains of pregnancy and childbirth completely by themselves, with no guarded walls to protect them or supplies to aid in their efforts, Jackson at least had one doctor who could safely monitor and birth the baby with slightly retro but usable tools.  

Once Joel had recuperated from his first baby-induced meltdown, and the two families had been officially told the news, both sides had begun debating on the gender. His family was convinced it was a boy, while yours claimed to know that it was a girl. Neither of you had named a side yet, as the only thing the two of you cared about was that it was healthy, but that didn’t mean Joel didn’t have his own hopes. Having only ever been a father to girls, he couldn’t picture the child as anything other than that and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. 

“Oh, I dunno honey, it’s just a guess. Only ever had girls so you know…” he trailed off, worried that he might have ticked you off. 

“A baby girl,” you tried out, smiling at the thought, “You’ll be a good dad either way but there’s just something about you as a girl dad that does something for me. Can’t wait to see you with her, you’re definitely DILF material.” 

He grinned, “S’that right?” 

His eyes twinkled with enthusiasm, only growing darker when he saw how you squirmed under the weight of their stare. This too had been a new edition, with any reminder of how the other would look nurturing the child making the both of you go insane. Not only had he chosen a good mate, one that he loved and cherished so much it hurt him at times, but he had found one that felt the same about him, one that would extend that love to his baby. 

“C’mon sweetheart, let’s get you in that tub. I put them salts and shit that you like, might help your back some,” Joel muttered, shaking himself from his thoughts as he pulled you up from the bed. 

As Joel led you towards the bath, he felt your feet drag every step of the way. He mumbled encouraging words, ignoring your soft whimpers so that he could grab your hands and help ease you into the tepid waters. Once you were fully sat down, you moaned at the weight being lifted from your spine, blinking up at him with a dopey grin that made his heart pump a bit harder. He knelt beside the tub, reaching in so he could press his hand into the bump as you got used to the weightlessness of the water. 

“Get in with me?,” you asked him sweetly, your voice light and airy in the silence of the bathroom. 

“I don’t want to crowd ya honey, gotta make sure that you’re comft-”

You shushed him, reaching out to muffle his words with your palm. Joel stopped and grabbed the hand covering his lips, kissing the back of it once in surrender. He lifted himself from the side, motioning for you to scooch forward as he rid himself of all of his filthy work clothes. From the moment his boxers had slid off, he felt your ravenous eyes burning a hole through him and he tried not to blush at the feeling. His cock twitched against his thigh and you smiled like a cat that had just got its cream, zeroing in on it as he begged every higher power there was to help him keep cool. In a daze, you bit your lip and Joel resisted not to surge forward to grab it with his own teeth. Clearly, you felt the same way, as he had to remind you three times to move forward. 

“S’okay baby, I’ve gotchu,” Joel chuckled, grabbing a washcloth as he eased himself down behind you. 

With careful hands, he washed your body clean of any bit of sweat or dirt that plagued its surface. He stopped every so often, to either kiss or rub the tension from a particularly sensitive patch of skin. By the time Joel had worked his way down to your hips, you were leaning into him, purring with satisfaction and close to falling asleep. He wanted you to rest but he could tell you were still holding on, still waiting for some sort of release, and he knew exactly how to help. 

Joel skimmed his hands down your thighs, causing goosebumps to raise on the soft skin there. He brushed the pads of his fingertips over the insides of them, drawing long lines up and down your thigh, stopping short of where you wanted him each time. A hitch of your breath as he ghosted his index finger over the crease in your leg was the only indication he got of your arousal, making him do it again and again until you broke. You whimpered, bucking your hips against him in frustration at his neglect of your drenched slit. 

“What is it darling? Need me to take care of you?,” he whispered in your ear, making a gush of slick drip from your pussy. 

You nodded, “Please.” 

Normally, he would have made you beg for it, but with how keyed up you had been lately, he knew that he needed to make this quick and devastating. Wasting no time, Joel wrenched your thighs apart, lifting them so that they hung on either side of the tub. With you left wide open for him in his lap, he skated his digits downward until they slid along your drenched seam. Even with the water sloshing over your pussy, he could still feel the sticky slick that poured from your hole. 

“Aw babygirl, she’s so wet today. Did she miss me while I was gone?,” Joel teased, pulling back the hood on your swollen clit so that it was exposed for him. 

“Yes, yes, yes, my pussy always misses you, she - oh f-,” your voice was cut off by a loud whimper, one that made his neglected cock twitch hard against your back as he plunged two fingers deep inside of you. 

Joel gave you no time to adjust, greedy for the desperate noises your overstuffed pussy would make for him. While one of his hands curled fingers up inside of your walls, rubbing that mind breaking spot with the pads of his fingers until your legs started to shake, his other drew wicked circles against your throbbing clit. 

“Oh my f-fuck, oh Joel! Don’t stop - mmmm, just like that - don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, shit!,” you cried out, with your head thumping back against his shoulder as your orgasm drew near. 

While pressing sloppy kisses against the side of your neck, biting down on the skin hard enough to leave tiny love marks, Joel increased his efforts. Instead of plunging his fingers in and out, he switched up his tactic, choosing instead to shake them inside of you. He made sure to hit that sweet spot every time, the vibrations of his quick movements making your eyes roll back almost instantly. The circles he drew on your pulsing nub grew heavier and you keened, walls beginning to tense up already. 

“Can feel you fightin’ it sweet girl, why? Don’t you want to be a good girl and cum for me? Know that pretty pussy does, she’s cryin’ for it. Can’t you hear her?,” Joel goaded, practically growling it in your ear. 

“Joel, Joel, Joel, please, I need, I need” you begged, too fucked out to fully spit out the request. 

He chuckled, cock jumping between his legs at the sound of his name falling from your lips so sweetly. As he stroked your pussy towards an overwhelming release, fingers wringing out as much pleasure as he could from the inside of your walls and your swollen clit, he made sure to ingrain each whine or whimper into his memory. They would go with the rest of his collection of lewd memories he had of you, each of them being stored away for the days he was too riled up to bother you, the days where he had to lock himself in the bathroom to jerk off to the thought of you like some sort of horny teen. Not that he had to do that often. 

“What darling? What d’ya need? Tell me baby, I’ll give it to ya,” Joel whined, losing his edge from his own growing desperation to hear you cum. 

“Kiss me,” you answered, turning your face to nudge your nose against his. 

Joel captured your mouth in a searing kiss, tangling his tongue with yours in a way that he knew that you loved. His fingers were clenched so tightly within your walls that they were stuck inside, forcing him to dig the calloused tips of his fingers into your most sensitive spot with increasing demand. He bit down on your lip, earning a filthy groan from you, and you were gone. 

Water splashed over the side of the tub, soaking the floor and likely his discarded clothes, but he couldn’t care less. Not when you were thrashing in his hold, breaking away from his mouth so that you could choke on your own cries as you came. He kept his pace up, allowing you to feel every single wave of your release until you started to try to shove him away. 

Ever so carefully, Joel eased his pace, slowing it little by little until he stopped altogether. When he finally pulled his fingers out, you shuddered but gave no complaint, too blissed out to care about the absence. He kissed the side of your sweaty face, easing your legs off the side of the tub with care so that they didn’t strain any further. 

“Feel better?,” he drawled, moving you forward in his lap so that his hard length didn’t poke at your backside. 

You nodded dreamily, “I’d enjoy the afterglow a lot better if you didn’t keep pushing me off your lap.”

He hissed when you reared your hips back, his angrily weeping cock getting nestled between your ass cheeks in a way that was so perfect that he almost cried. 

“Baby - ah! Shit, this ain’t about me. Was just - oh god damn - was just doing that for you. Need to take care of you, my pretty girl, fuuuck,” Joel groaned, unable to stop himself when you reached back to position him near your entrance. 

Being as big as you were, there wasn’t much you could do in terms of riding him. However, with the water helping with the extra weight around your abdomen, you managed to lift yourself up enough to drop down on his cock. The glide into your drenched channel was relentless, with your lack of mobility allowing you no other choice but to take him all in one go. Joel hissed at the feeling of your tight pussy opening up for him, clenching and unclenching around him in a way that almost made him go cross eyed as you took him down to the root. 

“Fuck, okay,” you wheezed, panting hard at the way the head of his cock was pressed against the spot that made you see stars, “That’s all I’ve got, the rest is all you baby.” 

He laughed and you did too, the sound of it reverberating off the walls as he took back control. Joel kissed your shoulder, gripping your hips so that he could lift you until only the head of his cock remained inside. You mewled, hands flying backwards to yank at his hair and dig crescent moons into his thigh in protest. 

“Don’t worry babygirl, I’ve got this,” Joel assured, kissing your shoulder one more time before he slammed you back down onto him. 

He kept a slow but hard pace, bringing you up until nothing but the head remained nestled inside each time. When he speared back into you, he grinded you against him, ensuring that his cock rubbed every sweet spot from within. Most of the water had been sloshed out but neither of you cared, too immersed with one another to focus on anything but the growing tingles spreading out from where you were connected. Each thrust was answered by a call of his name, something that was making him dizzy with lust. 

“Shit darling, love how you sound calling out my name. So fucking sexy all fucked out on my cock like this. Already fucked a baby into you, what else do I have to do for this needy pussy? Do I gotta keep her plugged up with cum? Fuck, or maybe I gotta fuck her in front of the whole town, make sure everyone knows she’s mine,” Joel rambled. 

He groaned when your walls tightened up around him, squeezing his length so hard that his eyes rolled into the back of his head. There was something about the way you reacted to just his voice that drove him crazy. It was as if he was fucking both your mind and body, taking you apart in every possible way before he slammed the pieces back together again, and it made him feel wanted. The high pitched whine he got in response to his filthy words made his jaw tick and he slapped your ass with just enough pressure to get your attention. 

“Answer me,” he hissed, grinding you even harder against him. 

You nodded desperately, “N-Need it, need you, desperate for your - ah, shit - your cock! Let you - oh my god - I’ll let you fuck me anywhere daddy. Don’t care where, as long as it’s you fucking me, love mmpf, love your cock.” 

Joel bit your neck and you squealed, going limp at the surge of hormones that rushed through you at the sharp reminder of his claim. He chuckled darkly, uncaring of the way his muscles burned from exertion and how his heart thumped wildly against the walls of his chest. All that mattered was making you feel good, of caring for you in the one way he knew that he could easily do. 

“Wanna know a secret honey?,” he asked, “S’not just you that’s desperate. I’m starvin’ for ya, every single day. So fucking sexy, so smart, gonna be such a good mama to our - fuuuck - to are pup. Shit, tell me you’re close baby, I need to fuck my cum into you. Gonna let you have it.”

The wanton noise you made was incoherent but he understood it, that particular whine being the one that usually signaled an incoming release. Joel stuck his face in your neck, worrying the skin between his teeth as he rambled all of the depraved promises he could think of. He knew that you loved to hear him talk, he felt it with every spasm of your walls, and he used it to his advantage. As Joel’s balls tightened up, his cock twitching wildly in the vice grip of your pussy, he laid it on thick in hopes that it might push you into a release before he exploded. 

“F-Fuck baby, if you weren’t already knocked up, I’d fuck another baby into you right now. Pussy needs me to keep her fed, gonna fuck so much of my cum into her so that she’ll never want anyone else. Shiiiit, she’ll never need anyone else. She’s mine, you are fucking mine,” he growled. 

“Yours, yours, yours, yours,” you chanted, too gone to do anything other than repeat. 

“Then cum for me darling, want to feel my girl milk my cock,” Joel commanded. 

The ecstasy fueled scream you answered him with was so instantaneous that it nearly knocked him off of his rhythm but he held strong, continuing his pace as you gushed torrents of slick into the dwindling bath water. For one twisted moment, he thought about how the herb scented water would taste with your slick mixed in and it made his mouth water. His cock twitched hard inside of you, jumping at the thought of your delicious taste. You convulsed on top of him in turn, letting out ragged moans and broken whimpers as your pussy greedily sucked him dry. 

“Cum, mmmmmm fuck Joel, want your cum,” you begged, eyes rolling into the back of your head as another wave of pleasure dragged you under. 

“Christ honey, m’gonna cum - shiiiiiiiit,” was all Joel managed to get out before he was cumming, mindlessly locking himself inside so that he could explode inside of you properly. 

His knot breached your hole and you squeaked, already so stuffed as it was, but you soon dissolved into a whining mess. He felt your walls suck at the base of his cock greedily, as if he had the power to somehow impregnate you twice. The groan that he let out at the thought was loud, signaling another round of toe curling releases that had him shaking beneath you. 

You were no better, whining and grinding him well past the point of overstimulation. Joel let you do it, clenching his jaw while you wantonly circled your hips enough to keep you both cumming until he could physically give you no more. By the time you were sated enough to stop, his cock was raw and his abdominal muscles ached from the exertion of his releases. He let out a sigh of relief when you went still, silently praying that this would be enough of a workout to force you into a couple of hours of much needed rest. 

Joel eased you further into his lap, allowing you to lay back against his front until he could pull his cock out without hurting you. With how full your body already was, he felt a flash of guilt at knotting you in such a state, but he also remembered how you had begged him to keep you knotted nearly every day for the past six months. Every moment that you weren’t busied by home improvements or work, you were on him. This led to constant bouts of desperate love making, with him having to get more creative with the positions the heavier you got, followed by him helping you come down with the sweetest touches afterwards. 

Most of the water had been splashed out of the tub and onto the floor, leaving an awful mess that he would have to clean up when he could disentangle himself from you. With barely any water left, the full weight of the baby was pressing into you, making you wiggle against him in discomfort. Unsure of what else he could do to ease your pain, Joel did the only thing he could think of. Having heard of the trick from his brother, he cupped the bottom of your swollen belly and lifted it from your lap, easing some of the pressure that had been gathering there. He smiled at your sigh of content, nuzzling your cheek in response. 

“Never stop doing that,” you mumbled dreamily. 

He chuckled, “I won’t honey, at least not for a while. We’re gonna be stuck here until it goes away.”

Joel’s knot was still very much swollen, angrily inflated and locked deep within your walls as you both lounged. Until it went down, the two of you were trapped but neither of you cared. Instead, he took the time to truly appreciate the woman he loved, lifting your belly for a few minutes at a time as he whispered sweet words into your ear. And you returned the sentiment, cooing at him as you helped scrub the dirt from his tanned skin. There was no rush, just two lovers worshiping each other with all of their might, staying connected in the most intimate of ways as they did. 

When the two of you were cleaned, both in mind and body, he carefully pulled himself out of you. He soothed the absence he left with soft kisses, holding you tight until you calmed once more. The line of kisses along your neck finished with an obnoxious smooch to your cheek and he laughed when the smacking sound made you giggle. With you finally soothed, he slowly pulled himself up from behind you, careful not to jostle your lax body too much. 

“Alright, let’s not spend the whole evening here,” Joel mumbled, kissing your shoulder before he lifted you in his arms. 

With your body rendered useless from his thrusts, it was easy for Joel to cradle you in his arms as he walked you to the counter. He placed you down in between the two sinks, fetching a towel to dry the dampness from your skin. Once he was done, he grabbed the oils he had procured for you in town. After hearing you complain about the burn of your stretch marks, he had made it his mission to find a cure. The few tools he had traded to get the bottle was worth it to see the happy tears you had shed the first time it soothed them. Who needed a hacksaw anyways? Not him, not if the alternative was watching you cry about the angry lines that had bloomed across your midsection. 

While Joel worked, he allowed you to play with his hair, forming ringlets around your fingers that he knew would only grow with the heat of the summer air. Each time you had taken a pair of scissors to his hair, you were always careful to leave it a bit longer than he normally would, but he allowed it because he knew how much you loved his curls. Not to mention how much he loved the attention you gave him because of them. By the time your belly and hips were slathered in a layer of the sweet smelling oil, every strand on the top of his head was accounted for. 

“Okay baby, nap time?,” he asked through a yawn. 

The heat of the day had caught up to him, making him feel like he was awake standing up as he readied himself to lift you again. Sleepily nodding in response, you threw your arms around his neck and sighed as he transferred you from the counter to the bed. Joel placed you down gently, laughing when you refused to release him from your hold. 

“Can’t exactly lay on top of ya right now darling, gonna need you to let go,” he reminded as he carefully pulled your arms from around his neck. 

“Ugh, another reason why your kid needs to come out as soon as she can,” you groaned. 

Joel snorted and scooched in behind you, forgoing the blankets to combat the summer heat that filled the room. Instead, he draped himself over your back, kissing your neck as he helped cradle the swell of your belly. 

“My kid, huh?,” Joel questioned, the playfulness evident in his tone. 

“When she’s being annoying, yeah she’s your kid,” you deadpanned. 

He chuckled, nipping your shoulder so that you broke into another fit of giggles. As you laughed, he pulled you closer, burying his nose into your hair so that he could huff at your sweet scent. After a while, you calmed and leaned back into him, allowing him the access to snuffle at the gland on your neck. It lulled him, pulling him into a trance where all he could do was hold on for dear life as your scent engulfed him in a bubble of trust and adoration that he had never known before he met you. 

“Love you baby, get some sleep,” you whispered to him. 

“Hey, that’s my line,” Joel shot back. 

The groggy laugh he got in response made him smile. 

“My bad, go ahead.”

“Thank you. Love ya honey, get some sleep. See? That’s much better,” he teased. 

You chuckled, “Whatever, dork.” 

Joel hummed at that, too tired to send back any more responses with your body glued against his so perfectly. It didn’t matter that there was a layer of sweat forming between you, what mattered was how perfect his life was at that very moment. He was half asleep, cocooned around his soul mate, his best friend, the only reason his life was worth living, and he was happy. 

Joel was older than he’d once thought he’d be, having imagined during Sarah’s lifetime that he might meet his soulmate while his daughter was in middle school. Then, when that obviously didn’t happen, he had predicted that it would happen when she was in high school. Then, when the world ended, he had no choice but to watch that dream die alongside her. Nevertheless, life is fickle, and somehow it had all come at a time when he least expected it. It had come at a time when he had given up on life altogether, which often made him wonder whether you had been sent to him. He was not a believer of any higher power, but with how often he talked to them in his dreams and while in his loneliest moments, he sometimes wondered if it had been his girls. 

As Joel felt your body go lax against the covers he listened to the sound of your even breaths, softly brushing his hands over the new life beneath your taut skin. Soon, Joel would be a father again, something that had once terrified him to the point of an all out breakdown. But at that moment, he was ready, unshaken by the previous heartbreaks of his traumatic life. If his girls HAD sent you, they would likely be looking out for you and their incoming sibling as well. Soothed by you and thoughts of the children he had once had, he allowed himself to take a moment of rest, tangled up with you atop of the sheets as he drifted off into sleep. 

- You - 

The first thing you noticed was how hot it was. It felt like the surface of the sun was glued to your back, pounding bursts of sunlight into your flesh as you roused from sleep. Not to mention the heat of the air around you, which at this point was downright tropical. When you cracked an eye open, you huffed in annoyance, noting how Joel had once again forgotten to leave the screen door to the balcony open so that the evening air could come in. 

The second thing you noticed was the foot that was jammed into your bladder, repeatedly kicking the poor organ until you hissed at the familiar urge building in your lower abdomen. In an effort to not literally piss on yourself and the human furnace behind you, you quickly slipped from Joel’s arms and waddled to the bathroom as fast as you possibly could. When you made it, you sighed in relief, still embarrassed at the time a few weeks back where you were not as fortunate. 

That was a moment you hoped to never have to live through again, as you were forced to look your mate in the eye and tell him what you had done. You remembered how your face had burned with embarrassment as you explained that you couldn’t get down on your knees to clean it up without his help. Of course, Joel had waved you off, cleaning it by himself without a single word of complaint or jest, but it still made your stomach churn thinking about it. So much so, that the two of you had made a pact to never speak of it again. 

When you were done, you washed up, sighing at the bags that had gathered under your eyes. Sleep was a luxury that you seemed to only be able to obtain for small amounts of time. Naps had reigned supreme so far and you had the enormity of the child to thank for it, with her limbs constantly knocking into organs and getting stuck in your ribcage. That and the inherent need to make the home presentable for the baby, as if a newborn would care about things as trivial as dusty cupboards. 

Nesting called to you, constantly dragging you from sleep to complete the most trivial of tasks while Joel slept. Most of the time they would be left unfinished, with you either too frazzled to complete them or Joel eventually dragging you back to bed, but your brain continued to send the urges nonetheless. Which was why when you finished in the bathroom, you didn’t return to where the man you loved was snoring into his pillow. Instead, you pulled on a pair of clean underwear and veered right, padding towards what would soon become your child’s room. 

The two of you had chosen a room on the other side of the hall, close enough so that you could hear the baby cry out but not so close that they might hear anything from behind a shared wall once they got older. Joel had laughed when you had suggested that, shaking his head as he agreed to switch his top choice of potential bedrooms. It was a good sized room, one with a deep closet that was already filled with a modest amount of hand-me-downs that Maria and other Jackson residents had dropped off. Some of them needed to be sewed up but you didn’t mind, touched by the kindness of the multiple strangers who had come bearing gifts once you had begun to show enough for other residents to notice. 

After much debate, the room had been painted with one of the only two paint colors Joel had found in the basement that were still usable. It was a gentle green that didn’t fit any of the other rooms in the house, which made you dissolve into a puddle of tears at the thought of the previous occupants having their decorational dreams crushed. Joel had laughed and shushed you, allowing the hormone fueled crying spell to pass before he got to work on the room. With a few of Frankie’s shabby toys lining the shelves, blankets draped over a rocker that your mother had brought from her own home, and a crib carved by none other than Joel himself, the baby’s room was ready. 

Nevertheless, the hormone fueled beast you had become always had to take issue with something, which meant that you suddenly decided that the closet needed to be reorganized. Four nights ago, you had already done this, organizing each piece of clothing by color, but now that seemed ridiculous. What good would color do? With a huff of annoyance, you tore the clothes from the shelves, piling them on top of the rocker and dresser so that you didn’t have to collect them from the floor. 

After the closet was empty, you got to work on re-organizing them based on type of clothing. Pants first, then shirts, then jumpers, then onesies, and finally, the dresses at the very end of the line in case Joel’s prediction was wrong. Much better, you thought to yourself as you got into a rhythm, so locked into your task that you didn’t notice the figure watching you from the doorway. 

“Sweet girl, why didn’t ya wake me? S’gotta be way past suppertime now, doctor said you’ve gotta be eating regularly,” Joel called out from his place against the doorframe, making you drop the little dress in your hands. 

“I’m almost done! Just have to get these back up and then I’ll go get something. It won’t take too much longer,” you protested. 

When you tried to squat down to pick up the little piece of purple fabric, Joel swooped in, snatching it from the floor before you even had a chance to fully bend your knees. He tsked as he handed you the dress, his gaze chastising enough that he didn’t even have to say anything. You rolled your eyes but nodded, turning your back to him with a dramatic sigh so that you could complete the job. However, despite your attempts at focusing on the task at hand, Joel did not like being forgotten and quickly picked up the small pile of dresses that remained so that he could pass each of them to you. 

“Why’re you up? You were sleeping like the dead when I left,” you asked after a time. 

“You know that I can’t sleep long without ya in bed with me,” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck nervously as he continued, “Plus, I’ve been meaning to talk to ya but I got kinda distracted.” 

You turned then, visibly bristling at the foreboding words sent your way. Joel gulped when your pointed gaze met his, looking like he was cornered by a lion as he tried to spit out whatever it was that was making him sweat. 

“I uh, well… Today Maria came down and pulled me off maintenance, said that now that the pipe’s found that the crew can patch it without me,” Joel began, his voice trailing off near the end. 

At once, you understood. Grabbing the little blue dress that hung from his hand, you turned towards the baby clothes so that he couldn’t see your face fall. When Maria had originally pulled him, upon his request, from the patrol shifts, you had been told multiple times that the arrangement was temporary. At the time, temporary was a relative term, all that mattered to you was that Joel was safe in Jackson and free to come home when you needed him. Which, much to your dismay, was becoming more and more as your pregnancy progressed. With the bubble of security popped, you couldn’t help but sour at the sense of impending doom you felt anytime you thought of him outside the safety of Jackson’s walls. 

“What happened? She must have had a reason for pulling you from maintenance,” you prodded, keeping your tone light despite the lump that formed in your throat. 

He didn’t respond and again, you knew. Jackson was growing, but it was still a small town filled with people that had nothing better to do than talk. That meant that you had heard about each of the missing patrols, as well as the four missing bodies that had shown up this morning. Stupidly, you had hoped that Maria might call someone else, someone less bonded, someone with a mate who wasn’t eight months pregnant, to go after the group that was picking people off. But, ultimately you knew that she had to put Jackson first. Joel Miller was a renowned killer, a man who had survived against all odds for decades, meaning that he was the best person that she had for the job. 

“Bodies, um,” he cleared his throat before he continued, “They found some bodies near the gates, who knows, maybe it was infected -”

“Don’t lie to me,” you spat, “I’m pregnant Joel, not a fucking child.” 

Joel sighed and you turned, feeling guilty at the venom you had just spewed at him. He was scared to tell you because he didn’t want his pregnant mate to worry, you knew that, but you were getting tired of people tiptoeing around your emotions. What you needed was for him to be honest, not to sugarcoat the situation to the point of inaccuracy. All that lying would do was hurt you more once you inevitably heard it from the people in town. 

“Look, m’sorry about lying to ya just now, but I don’t want you worrying about me. Yeah, there were some bodies and yeah, they were our guys, but I’m gonna be okay. It’s me and Tommy gone for the morning, that’s it,” he rushed out, stepping forward so he could grab your face. 

“Okay,” was all you said back to him. 

He blinked, shocked at your dismissal, “Okay?” 

Pulling away, you nodded and placed the last dress in its place. The closet was done but you stayed there, staring at all of the clothes as you tried to put a muzzle on the swelling emotions that rose up from deep within your subconscious. Joel needed to go, he had no choice, and you would have to stay in Jackson without him. And if he didn’t return? There would be a child that would have to be raised without him, with said child never getting the chance to know the man who you’d move mountains for. Your mother’s hardened face flashed in your mind, making you want to vomit at the thought of having to raise his baby alone. It was all too much and suddenly, you were too aggrieved to be in his presence any longer. 

Stepping around him, you hurried towards the stairs, desperate to do something, anything, to keep from crying in front of Joel for what must have been the billionth time in the past week. It wasn’t his fault and yet you wept, causing you to feel even more guilty for the tears that streamed down your face as you ran away. The last thing you wanted to do was make him feel bad for something he couldn’t control but, as he bounded towards you and whipped you around to face him, you failed at hiding your heart break from him immediately. 

One thing nobody prepared you for when talking about pregnancy was how the slightest aggravation would lead to a torrent of tears running down your face, leaving a mess for Joel to clean up on a daily basis. He always said that he didn’t mind, that he loved taking care of you no matter what, but it still made you feel awful. He had his own worries and responsibilities that he had taken on since becoming a Jackson resident, but he had to constantly look after you. 

“Stop, it’s fine Joel. No, really! It’s okay, just ignore this, this is just hormones. I’m super g-good,” you sobbed, sounding ridiculous to even your own ears. 

“Oh sweetheart, m’sorry, you know I’d stay if I could,” Joel sighed, bringing you into a tightest hug he could manage considering the bowling ball that was strapped to your stomach. 

Another sob broke from your lips, this one more strangled than the last, and you kicked yourself for not being able to stop it. Every time you tried, the tears only worsened, to the point where you had no choice but to allow yourself to cry into his chest so that they would finally go away. Joel was patient, rubbing your back and whispering lovingly into your ear until you calmed. 

“Darling, I know you’re scared. Believe me, I don’t want to leave you alone any more than you want to be left, but it’ll be okay. Maria gave me a short shift, just a couple of hours and I’ll be back. Hell, you’ll probably sleep through most of it, we leave at dawn,” Joel said soothingly. 

You whimpered but nodded, trying to wipe the tears and snot from your face as you pulled away. He cooed at your weepy eyes, batting your hands away so that he could do the job himself and you let him. Joel smiled when he was done and kissed your forehead, his lips chapped yet soft as they lingered against the skin. 

“I’ll come home to ya honey, always will, I promise,” he mumbled. 

“You better,” you shakily replied, with your voice too weak for the words to have any real heat to them. 

Joel hummed, lingering for a bit to ensure that you were truly calm. It was you that pulled away, with a sudden kick to your ribcage serving as a reminder of the supper you had missed out on. Grunting at the feeling, you hissed and tried to use your hand to shove the little foot out from where it was caught. 

“She getting ya again?,” he asked, replacing your hand with his so that he could help untangle the wayward limb. 

“She gets mean when she’s hungry,” you grunted. 

When it came loose at last, you released the breath you had been holding in. The discomfort ebbed away, however the child seemed to be only more aggrieved by the sudden change and you soon felt more kicks to your most vital organs. Joel winced at your scowl, leaning down so he could get face to face with the swell. 

“C’mon sweet pea, take it easy on your mama now. I’ll feed ya both, but you gotta let her sleep afterwards, that’s the deal,” he bargained. 

The kicking stopped and you grinned, your heart glowing at the feeling of his soft timbre slowly soothing the pup. It was unfair how easily Joel’s voice eased the constant kicks that kept you awake all hours of the night, as if the baby had already chosen their favorite parent. You didn’t blame the kid, he was your favorite person in the entire world and you had no doubt that he would be the baby’s as well. 

“She gone back to sleep?,” Joel asked, pulling himself up again to kiss your cheek. 

“So annoying that she only listens to you. I’m the one literally growing her,” you answered, rolling your eyes to add to the effect. 

He smiled and shrugged, trying and failing not to look smug. 

“Can’t help it, I’ve got a way with words,” Joel answered, giving you one last kiss before he wrapped his hand around yours. 

Joel led you to the staircase, placing your hand on his shoulders so that you could lean on him as you made your way down. He was careful not to go too fast, wanting to act as a cushion in case you fell. It was slightly ridiculous, considering the fact that you had to make your way down every morning alone when he went to work or you had an early morning shift at the clinic. Nevertheless, you knew better than to argue and used his shoulder to ease some of the weight off your feet as you took the steps. 

He tried to lead you over to the living room but you refused, opting instead to follow him into the kitchen to watch him cook. Taking a place at the breakfast nook with the glass of water that he demanded you drink, your eyes raked over his backside as he whipped up some of the chili in the freezer that you had nicked from the dining hall. 

Joel’s shoulders were broad, so god damn broad that you couldn’t help but imagine how simple it would be for him to let a few kids hang off of them. Each movement he made reminded you of his strength and your mouth watered as you watched his arms flex while he stirred the pot. You were blessed with the sight of his bare skin, scarred and beautiful as the muscles moved beneath golden skin. If the doctor was right in her assumptions, there were two babies stuffed inside of you, two babies that would be blessed with a father who was strong enough to carry them both with ease. 

Neither one of you had said anything about it, not wanting to bring life to a possibility that was becoming more realistic each day you grew impossibly larger, but you knew there was a second crib carved. Joel had hidden it in the basement, stupidly believing that you would actually heed his request to not go down the creaky steps without him. Although you had kept it cool around him thus far, you had sobbed when you found it, overwhelmed with love for him. It drove you wild how easily he cared for you, despite his own fears about having another life, let alone two, to care for. 

This man had grown so much since you had first met him. He was your best friend, your lover, the person you’d live and die for, and he was devoted to you almost to the point of insanity. It was for that reason that you knew that his ability to provide for you would extend to your offspring, something that stirred something primal within you. 

As you squeezed your thighs together to get some relief, you couldn’t help but gawk at the smattering of hair across his chest when he turned to grab the bowls from the cupboards. Everything about Joel screamed man, from his wide frame, to the thick muscles that made his boxer covered thighs that much more enticing, to the fact that he had banished you to the table to relax as he made the meal. At this rate, you were pretty sure that there would be a wet spot left on the cushion when you got up from the booth. 

“You want me to pose or something?,” Joel drawled, breaking you from the lust filled haze he had caused. 

He turned and you jumped, pretending to rearrange the salt and pepper shakers on the table. Despite your best attempts to act natural, you felt the flush that crept up your neck that gave you away immediately. The click of the stove being turned off made you jump, along with the heavy footsteps that barreled towards you. By the time Joel was in front of you, lifting your chin to force you to make eye contact with him, your panties were absolutely drenched. 

“What’s got you all worked up baby? Can feel you staring a hole through my back,” he jested, softly running his thumb over your trembling bottom lip. 

“You’re so big,” you sighed dreamily, mesmerized by the puppy dog eyes that lovingly held you in their gaze. 

He cocked an eyebrow, a wry grin spreading out on his face at your words. 

“Not like that!,” you groaned, “Well, okay, yes you are big like that but that’s not what I meant.” 

While your cheeks burned at the admission, you buried your face in your hands and Joel laughed. Butterflies erupted from deep in your stomach, stirring up your nerves and making the baby give you a few kicks as a reminder to calm down. You tried but it was hard, especially when her father was so god damn attractive. 

“S’that right? How’d ya mean then?,” he teased. 

The sigh you let out was long and drawn out, making him laugh even harder at your sudden shyness. It was crazy how this man could make you feel so confident one moment, easily loosening your lips with lust so that you begged him to do the filthiest things possible to your needy pussy, and the next he could still make you feel like a giddy teen. In the time since you had met him, he had ruined you in the best way possible. Nobody would ever live up to Joel Miller, the man that could take you apart and make you whole again in the blink of an eye. 

“It’s just your stupid shoulders!,” you groaned, “ And your arms - God, they’re so big! It’s not fair Joel. Here I am minding my business, and all I can think about is how good you’d look with a few kids hanging off of them. You’re going to be such a hot dad, it’s going to drive me crazy.” 

He cocked an eyebrow, “A FEW kids? We don’t even have this one yet.” 

“Yeah but,” you sighed, “I know we aren’t talking about what the doctor said the other day BUT, if there’s two then I’m going to have to watch you take care of them. And the thought of you carrying them at the same time - ugh - my ovaries are exploding just thinking about it.” 

Joel snorted, getting a kick out of the way you squirmed at the thought of his broad frame easily holding a few pups. It made you blush even harder and you found yourself too worked up to do anything but peek at the pudge of his stomach from behind your hands. The urge to bite at the tantalizing treasure trail that led towards his waistband was strong but you ignored it, not wanting to force him into another round of love making while he was trying to make you a decent meal. 

“Does the thought of me being a good dad turn you on?,” he questioned, pulling your hands from your face as he knelt in between your legs. 

You nodded solemnly, unsure of how he was about to react at the admission. Was it weird that you felt that way? You couldn't tell, but it was impossible to hide it from him when everything he did for you or the unborn child riled you up so much. If you had it your way, he’d stay buried inside of your cunt for the next month, keeping himself there for easy access when you inevitably wanted him to fuck you again. 

“Aw honey, s’alright. No need to get embarrassed,” Joel cooed, rubbing your tummy as he did, “Know what? I think the same thing about you. You’re so loving, so strong, gonna take such good care of our pup. Makes me want to show you how much I love you, every day.”

Joel’s words were sweet, but you couldn’t help but squirm at the double entendre.  

“Then show me,” you whispered. 

His eyes turned black at that, his pupils growing with lust until only a thin line of brown remained. A heady scent of desire cloaked every other smell in the room, making your cunt throb between your legs. Joel’s nose twitched as he caught the scent and he licked his lips as though he was readying himself to take a bite of you. As he stared at your lips, you spotted the neglected food on the stove, suddenly feeling ashamed at how needy you were for always begging him to fuck you into oblivion at the drop of a hat. 

“I’m sorry, you don’t have t - ah!,” you squeaked, cut off by his hands pulling your legs towards the end of the booth so that they hung off the edge. 

Joel threw your legs over his shoulders, groaning as he buried his face into the drenched gusset of your panties. He huffed at the fabric and you whimpered as his nose bumped against your sensitive clit. Panting and whining, you reached down to bury your fingers into his hair to ground yourself amidst the intense need rushing through you. 

“Never fucking apologize for this, taking care of this pretty pussy is my job, nobody else’s,” he drawled, yanking your panties up so that they dug into your slit. 

“Y-Your job,” you mimicked, too desperate to do much else. 

He chuckled darkly and leaned forward, mouthing at your soaked cunt through the fabric he held tight in his grasp. It was somehow too much and not enough, with his strong tongue easily working you up despite the barrier, but you craved more. What you needed was his face suctioned to your core, sucking at your clit as his fingers slammed into that one spot over and over again. 

“Joel, Joel, Joel, please,” you begged, thighs twitching around his head as he teased. 

“No, take what I give ya and then maybe I’ll be nice,” Joel replied, his voice muffled by your panty covered seam. 

You groaned and kicked your legs out in protest, earning a nip to the calf from him. The sting shot up your spine, adding to the growing pressure between your thighs. With your heart slamming inside of your chest and your hands yanking on his curls, you shook and keened. Joel growled and pulled you even closer, rubbing his face against your core as you barreled towards the edge. The scruff on his cheeks burned at the inside of your thighs and you knew that the skin there would be flushed from the friction, but you didn’t care. In fact, you hoped that he would leave a mark, something to remind you of how good he made you feel on a daily basis. 

“C’mon baby, cum for me. Know you want to my filthy fucking girl. Pussy full of my cum and she still needs me, doesn’t she? We taste so fucking good, can’t wait to bury my tongue in that sweet cunt, gonna clean my cum out and make you taste it when we kiss,” Joel groaned. 

His words sent a shockwave through your body, making all of the muscles in your body tense up before you exploded into all out euphoria. The sound of liquid hitting the floor below barely registered, you were too busy gushing slick as your walls clenched around nothing. Joel let out a pained whine when you tugged on his hair, too blissed out to care about suffocating him as you rode out your high. After one last brutal wave of pleasure, you sighed and let go of him, trying desperately to catch your breath. 

“That’s it honey, such a good girl for me,” Joel panted, leaning back to press wet kisses against your thighs. 

“J-J-J,” you gasped, trying desperately to answer him. 

Any attempt to catch your breath failed and you slapped his shoulder, signaling to him that you needed something. With the weight of the baby strapped to your midsection, it had become nearly impossible to lie on your back at times. As much as you would love for him to continue to devour you in the booth of the breakfast nook, there was no way you were going to be able to keep going without changing positions. Joel took the hint, immediately halting the kisses to your shaking thighs so that he could help. 

“What’s the matter sweetheart? Is she kicking you again? Do ya need to pee?,” he questioned, rubbing your sides as he asked. 

You shook your head, “C-Can’t breathe, g-get up, need t-to get up.” 

Joel cussed and slipped your legs off of his shoulders, quickly holding out a hand for you. When you took hold of his hand, he pulled you up, slipping the other one around your back for extra support. It was only when you were right side up again that the pressure against your lungs melted away, allowing you to take a few steadying breaths that calmed your racing heart. As you gulped down the much needed oxygen, Joel’s hands brushed over your skin, desperately trying to soothe you in any way he could. 

“I’m okay Joel, it’s just hard to lay like that when I’ve got a fucking watermelon pressing into me,” you chuckled once you had finally caught up on breaths. 

He hummed, “You gotta tell me if you’re hurtin’ baby, we could’ve moved.” 

You shook your head, grabbing the back of his neck so that you could pull him close and kiss the damp skin around his face. The taste of you lingered around his mouth, along with the delicious saltiness of his own cum that had sprayed out of your cunt with the force of your orgasm. Joel hesitantly kissed you back, still too spooked to get into it again, and you sighed. 

“I really am fine. Nothing hurt and I could breathe just fine until you made me cum. I promise I would have told you if it did,” you said, your thumb rubbing soothing circles into his tensed jaw. 

Joel nodded, “Okay honey, that’s fine. D’ya wanna stop for right now? We could get something eat and then come b-”

“No!,” you cried out, grappling at his shoulders as he tried to pull away, “You made dirty promises mister and I’m holding you to them! We just need to move first and then I’m all yours.” 

He chuckled and shook his head, mumbling something about you being insatiable as he scooped you up from the booth. The screech that you let out was cut off by his mouth sealing over yours and you sighed into it, allowing his tongue to sweep into your mouth. Joel tasted like a delicious mix of the both of you, something that forced another rush of desire to pulse through you. It was only when he was suddenly placing you down onto your feet that the spell was broken and you found yourself whining as he pulled back. 

“Nuh uh honey, none of that,” Joel tsked, “M’gonna take care of ya, just need to do it right this time. If ya can’t lay down, we’ll have to do it like this.” 

He pulled away and plopped down on the couch, grabbing your thighs as he laid across it. The smile he wore was almost boyish, as if your pussy was the last slice of cake and he had just been given permission to dig in. You wanted nothing more than to take a seat on his ruggedly handsome face, riding it until you could no longer speak, but you hesitated. If you were scared about crushing Joel before, now it seemed inevitable. How the hell was he going to breathe with you on top of him? It wasn’t like you would notice if he was suffocating, you couldn’t even see your own toes anymore, much less a face buried in between your thighs. 

“Don’t even want to hear it sweetheart, hop on or I’ll drag you up here myself. I just carried your ass all the way from the kitchen, you ain’t gonna crush me,” Joel demanded, already tugging on the leg closest to him in excitement. 

There was no arguing with Joel when he got like this, you knew that, so you sighed and shimmied out of your panties. It was a bit awkward when you first climbed over him, throwing your wobbly leg over his chest so that you hovered over the scarred skin there. He smiled from ear to ear, grabbing your ass to yank you towards his mouth. 

“Joel!,” you yelped, catching yourself on the armrest above his head to keep from falling forward. 

“Hush,” he growled. 

Joel’s hands squeezed your cheeks, pulling them apart so your holes were exposed to his greedy eyes. All you could see was the swell of your own stomach, leaving you guessing as to when he was going to finally dive in and it was maddening. Slick dripped from your core, likely covering your thighs and his face at the point, and you whined a desperate plea to him. With that, his patience shattered and you couldn’t help the shocked screech you let out when he slammed you down on his face. 

The feeling of Joel’s mouth was exquisite and you struggled to keep from clenching your thighs around his head, not wanting to suffocate him even more than you already were. He started by running his thick tongue from your asshole, all the way to your clit where he ended with a sharp flick. Every inch of you came alive, with his mouth sending you into an all out frenzy as it expertly swept over every pleasure spot in your core. Sweat dripped down your face, making your hair stick to the sides of his as you held onto the couch for dear life. 

“J-o-oel fuuuuck, s’good. Oh my god, don’t stop,” you whimpered. 

A hand reared back and slapped your ass, using less strength than usual but just enough to force out a choked sob. Joel groaned when one of your hands left the armrest to grip his hair, using the curls to squish his face even further into your drenched folds. He let you do it, happily working his way up to your clit so that he could pop the swollen bud into his mouth to suck. 

You convulsed, babbling as your hips tried to pull away from the intense stimulation, “P-Please, please, please, fuck! Feels so good daddy, you’re gonna make me cum.” 

Joel held strong, easily keeping you pinned against his mouth so that he could pull you into another round of overwhelming pleasure. Every time you managed to pull away even an inch, he yanked you back down, until a threatening grumbling noise came from his chest that stilled your movements. It was as if your instincts had overwhelmed your ability to think with just one simple growl from him. The omega in you heeded to the noise, rendering you unable to do anything but sit there as your alpha took what he wanted. 

And it seemed like what he wanted to do was kill you. From the second your pussy had touched down against his face, you were already so close. The power Joel had over you was unimaginable, with just the first few strokes of his tongue rendering you a hopeless mess. However, as you felt him suck your poor clit into his mouth even harder, batting the nub with his tongue as he did, you were gone. 

A high pitched noise echoed in your ears, your vision whiting out for a second as the growing pressure was released. As you panted and scraped his scalp with your fingernails, walls contracting around nothing, you realized that the high pitched noise was your own screams. The sound of Joel's palm slapping your ass made you choke on a shriek, the sting heightening the pleasure that surged through you. He worked you through it, moaning wantonly as he welded himself to your folds. It was only when you slumped over him, twitching and shivering in overstimulation, that he finally let you go. 

Carefully, ever so carefully, Joel scooched you back so that you straddled his chest again. He hissed when your arms faltered, catching you just in time to save you from squishing the bump against him. A slurred apology came from you, with your mind too discombobulated to truly react to the fall. He shushed you, lifting you again so that he could pull himself into a seated position. With the armrest against his back, he cradled you in his arms, cooing at the tears that ran down your cheeks. 

“Aw, my sweet girl, did so good for me baby,” Joel praised, wiping the sweat soaked hair from your eyes as he did. 

Another cry came from you, this one louder than the last, the pleasure having wiped away all lines of defense against the overwhelming emotions you were prone to. Joel’s face, with its fine lines, scars, and the facial hair you refused to let him shave off, was absolutely drenched. Slick covered it, making everywhere from his cheeks to his forehead shine in the dying light of the day. It was like you had claimed all over again, the remnants of your pleasure being yet another sign of his devotion. All you wanted was for him to hold you for tonight, and every night for the rest of your life, but you were terrified that a life like that would be taken from you. His brow furrowed in worry, looking almost heartbroken by your outburst. 

“What’s the matter honey? Aw, c’mon now darling, don’t cry. Talk to me,” he cooed, bringing your face closer to his so that he could place kisses all over it. 

Too ashamed to say anything, you shook your head, trying and failing to control the awful cries you let out. Joel held your body closer to his, doting upon every inch of it as you sobbed. Every time you thought it was done, it kept going, until nothing remained but wet sniffles and embarrassing hiccups. He ran his thumb over your cheeks, collecting the moisture there in silence. It made you want to break, to tell him how your more deranged side wanted nothing more than to chain him up in the basement so that he would be forced to stay home, but you couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. 

“M’gonna be alright pretty girl, s’not like it was before,” he said softly after some time. 

Looking away from him, you nodded and tried to control the tears. Of course, Joel couldn’t know that, but there was no reason for you to make him worry any more that he already was by freaking out. You needed to be strong, you knew that, but the hormones running rampant throughout your body never seemed to get the memo. 

“How?,” you broke, too terrified to let it go for his sake, “How is it not like before? There’s p-people out there k-killing our patrols and you have to be the one to go out there. Y-You Joel! And I c-can’t do anything about it. If you go missing I-I can’t, I won’t be able to…”

You trailed off, too overcome with emotion to continue down that dark path, but it was hard not to, especially when there was some truth to the statement. In the state you were in there was no way you would be able to pull off the miraculous rescue mission you had once before, there would be no going after him if something went wrong. Each time Joel and you were apart, bad things would happen, and you couldn’t help but feel like this was going to end the same. Except this time, he would be doomed. 

“S’not like before because I’m not going alone, I have Tommy and as dumb as he can be, he knows what he’s doing,” Joel paused, placing a broad hand against your swollen belly, “S’not like before because of you and her, I’m not taking any chances. No way m’gonna miss this.” 

“But what if -”

His index finger pressed against your lips, effectively silencing your doubts before they could take life. The seriousness of his gaze halted your defiance, with his big brown eyes drilling into the deepest corners of your heart with a single look. 

“I’ve had two pups in my life and I’ve had to watch them both die. I didn’t even get to bury them. If you think for one second that I’m gonna let anything happen to me out there, that I’m not gonna be there for this baby, for you, then you’re crazy. There’s no buts baby, I’m gonna come home to ya,” he promised. 

The way Joel said it was so definitive that it soothed your cries, sobering you to the reality of the man that held you so tightly to his chest. He was confident in his abilities because he had to be, he had to make it back because the other option was too unbearable for him. It would be as if he was failing his other children all over again, only this time in a different, more painful way. If he died, Joel would not only be leaving his unborn child without his care, but his pregnant mate as well, his pregnant mate that would then have to birth and raise said child alone. As much as you wanted to bemoan his involvement in patrols, there was no denying the determination of a man that had previously faced hell and survived. 

“Okay,” you sniffed, his promise making the worries that were lurking around in your mind drift away. 

Joel gave you a small smile, “Okay.” 

He kissed you then, so softly that it almost made you cry again, and it was then that you felt the hardened length against your leg. Pulling away, you wiped your face and tried to ready yourself for another round. After pulling you into two consecutive releases, Joel had been left wanting, and you suddenly felt even more terrible than before. However, he batted you away when you reached for it. 

“You didn’t get to cum,” you whined. 

“Relax darling. Wasn’t about me, this was about you,” he said, batting away your wayward hands. 

Joel kissed you softly, making a flurry of butterflies erupt from your chest. This man loved you, so much so that he would deny his own pleasure just to see make you happy, so much so that he would walk through fire just to get back to you, and it made you want to scream. As his lips parted from yours, you already missed them, but found yourself yawning instead of leaning back in. All of the pent up emotions and mind breaking orgasms had caught up, pulling at your heavy eyelids as you struggled to hold onto consciousness. Although you wanted to end the night fucking and cuddling with the man you loved, the lethargy that plagued your life as of late reared its head. 

“C’mon, let’s get you fed and then we can go back to bed. Can’t have my girls starvin’ when there’s perfectly good food waiting for them,” he said, groaning as he lifted you from the couch. 

At this rate, you had a feeling that Joel was going to be waddling almost as bad as you were by tomorrow. The muscles in his back were already strained by the hard labor he had been assigned to and he was only making it worse each time he lifted your swollen body, carrying you throughout the house as if he were a young man and you were not at least twenty pounds heavier than usual. Still, you didn’t say anything, having already been shot down the multiple times you had tried to remind the alpha throughout the pregnancy that you were perfectly capable of walking. 

Joel kept you in his arms as the two of you ate and you had a feeling that it wasn’t just you that was nervous about tomorrow. Which was why you snuggled further into him, uncaring of the way his arms bumped into yours with every bite. When the bowls were empty, they were left on the table, a job that would be done tomorrow when the two of you weren’t exhausted. He carried you all the way to the bedroom, only releasing you so that you could go through your nighttime regiment alongside him. It was all so domestic, the way he gave you a goofy grin around a mouthful of foamy toothpaste as you prodded at a pimple on your chin, and it was perfect. 

When you slid into bed alongside Joel, you were calmed, with his words and affection lulling you into a sense of security. He pulled you close to him, holding the bump between you like he was trying to make himself into a human shield. I love yous were exchanged, along with a flurry of kisses, until you were both too tired to do anything but look at each other with tired eyes. You slipped off first, but not before you heard him quietly repeat his promise into the stillness of the night. 

“I’ll come home to ya honey, I promise.” 

- Joel -

The blood stuck to the bottoms of his boots made him grimace and Joel made a mental note to scrub the infected gunk off of them before he went home. If you saw it, he knew that your hormone addled brain would lead you to immediately clean it, and he couldn’t have that. Although the first few months of your pregnancy were rocky, having fought through hell and back the entire time without knowing about the life inside, that didn’t mean he was willing to let the rest of it be the same. From the moment he knew about the budding life inside of you, he was adamant that his mate would be safe from being stained with the filth that came with the outside world. 

“Christ almighty, look at this one,” Tommy called, pulling his attention away from his feet. 

Joel walked towards his brother, careful not to trip over the plethora of bodies that were strewn about the carcass of the store. It was clear that a horde had come through, as they now laid hacked to pieces across the rotted floors, but that left a glaringly obvious question. Who had killed them? Who had left this present for a Jackson patrol to find? And, were they the same people that had been taking out their residents? 

When Joel reached his brother, he looked down, gazing upon the sole body that didn’t look like it was overcome by the mind controlling fungus. He could see two bite marks on the woman’s thick forearms, but besides that, she was clear of infection. The single bullet wound between her eyes said it all. She had been bit and someone who cared enough to not let her turn had shot her, putting her out of an eternity of misery. 

“This could be one of them,” Joel said. 

Tommy hummed, “Could be, reckon that any more of them got bit?” 

He shook his head in response. If they had shot her, they’d likely shoot anyone else that got bitten by the horde. That was the way the world worked and he hoped for his own sake that his own loved ones would be kind enough to do the same if the day ever came. His brother kneeled down to check the body for something, anything that might give them a hint as to who the woman was and he looked away. Tommy wouldn’t find anything, not if they were the group that Jackson was on the hunt for. They were too smart to leave anything on her for a patrol to find. 

“Nothing,” his brother sighed. 

Joel nodded, already heading back to the horses and leaving him behind. The group was likely long gone, held up in whatever hide out they had coveted for the last few months. A storm was coming, he could smell it in the air and feel it in the humidity that made his clothes stick to his form. The clouds above were bruised, darkening the sky and blocking out the summer sun as he strolled towards Rusty. 

He briefly worried about you getting to your short shift at the clinic, half cocked fears about you falling against the slick ground or a bolt of lightning striking you down racing through him, but he shoved them away. It wasn’t even noon yet, meaning that Joel would be there to see you off. He could carry you there if need be. In fact, given his hormone fueled brain that screamed at him at all hours of the day to care for his mate, he would prefer it. 

“Hey, wait up!,” Tommy called, jogging to keep up with his long strides, “Slow your roll big brother, we’ve still gotta check out the residential area up that way. 

“Look at them storm clouds brewin’, you really think that’s a good plan?,” Joel asked, pointing at the dark patches in the sky as he did. 

“You want to come back out here again today? Cus, that’s what’s gonna happen when we go back and try to explain to Maria that you went all squirrely over some rain,” his brother shot back, making him glare at him as he hopped onto his horse. 

Joel sighed. It had only been about three hours since he left camp and already he missed you. This morning it had been unnecessarily difficult for him to let you go, with your hands glued to his shoulders to keep him stuck in place as you slept. He had almost wept when he had to peel them away, kissing both you and the swollen bump that was nestled between the two of you before he eased himself off of the bed. 

And now, with Rusty trotting towards the dilapidated homes nearby, Joel burned with desire. A desire that was not inherently sexual, more so one that was attuned to every fiber of your being. After he had been taken by Paul’s men many months ago, you had mentioned that during that time you had felt his presence on this earth, as if your souls could track the movement of each other without even knowing it. And similarly, he had felt something of the sort when he was racing towards the church after you had sacrificed yourself for Cooper and Allie. Joel had never been one to believe in soul bonds but since meeting you, he had begun to change his mind. 

However, it was only when you had become with child that those feelings had begun to take on even deeper meaning. Perhaps it was Joel’s past losses intermingling with his already heightened nervous system, or perhaps it was simply the alpha in him that demanded he pay extra attention to the people he was designed to protect, either way, each day he was driven mad by it. He could feel every bit of your discomfort and despair, calling out to him from miles away, and he was ready to tear through an army of infected to return to quell your fears. 

“Hey, let’s pull off. We can leave ‘em here, I’ll take the right and you take the left. You get into any trouble, holler for me, alright?,” Tommy instructed, waiting for him to respond. 

Joel nodded, shaking his head to clear out all of the hormone based thoughts that were fogging up his brain. The last thing he needed was to be distracted while he was exposed like this. As he hopped off the horse, he promised himself to remain on task, knowing that it was the only way he was going to be able to get home safely. 

He tied Rusty next to his brother’s horse Boots, leaving the knot loose enough so that the stallion could run away if trouble came about but not so loose so that he would take off for no reason. Tommy followed suit, leaving Boots with a wide berth between him and the chestnut colored stallion so that he wouldn’t get kicked. Much to everyone’s disappointment, the only beings that could coral the finicky horse were you and Joel, leaving him with only two possible riders despite the growing populace of Jackson that could use him. Joel patted his nose before he left, as if to say he understood the feeling. 

Tommy parted from him, veering off towards the houses on the right so that he could poke around. Joel followed his lead, carefully examining the buildings to the left. Most of them were broken beyond repair, too run down to house anything other than rotting wood that stunk in the summer heat, but he did find a pair of scissors that could be of use. He sped through the remainder of the homes, not seeing anything other than the carcass of life before the outbreak, until he finally reached his last one. 

Stilling at the entrance, Joel felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up. Something or someone was in here, he could feel it in the way his gut twisted with the indescribable feeling of incoming doom. He stepped back from the doorway, giving himself some space as he went over his options. Just as he landed on the more subtle approach, a voice from behind him rang through the air. 

“Hey! All clear over this way, let’s get going before - OH SHIT!,” Tommy shouted, his voice overpowered by the screech that came from within the home, along with the sound of a feral beast sprinting towards his brother at top speed. 

Joel cussed and pulled the gun from around his back, barely managing to switch the safety off before the runner was a mere four feet away from him. He shot once, making it stumble back as the bullet slammed through its chest, then again, this time getting it right between the eyes. The runner fell back against the ground, letting out a few hard twitches before it finally stilled. 

“Holy fuck,” Tommy swore, jogging up from behind to have a look at the corpse. 

Joel hummed, too distracted to respond to his brother’s surprise. The runner was freshly infected. No visible bite marks could be seen across its body, meaning that whoever the man was, he had likely hidden it before going off to succumb by himself. But that was not what Joel was focused on. He couldn’t care less that these assholes were too stupid to deal with the hordes that came through Jackson from time to time. What distracted him was how familiar the guy looked, yet he couldn’t quite place him. 

“What? You know this guy or something?,” the younger man asked, noticing how intensely Joel was studying his face. 

Did Joel know this man? He didn’t think so, although the way alarm bells were going off in his brain told him otherwise. Racking through his many years of disastrous decisions, he tried to place him amongst the numerous moments where he had fucked up, but he couldn’t. The man was slight, with olive skin and dark hair that was slightly matted, likely from time spent away from the luxuries of grooming. He reeked of a stifling mix of body odor and incense, another clue that had Joel scratching the back of his head. He had seen the man somewhere, somewhere where the air had been thick with the same stench of burning herbs, but he couldn’t remember where. 

“I don’t know, I think I do, but for the life of me I can't figure out where from,” Joel admitted, cursing his aging brain for being unable to recall as it once had. 

Tommy cussed, “Shiiit, alright. Well, let’s get going then, I don’t wanna stick around if there’s more of your old buddies hanging around here waiting for ya.” 

“Buddies,”Joel mumbled, rolling his eyes as he turned back towards the horses. 

Whoever the man was, he had never been a friend. Joel could tell by the way a cold sweat had already broken out on his back, making him shudder as he hastened his pace. By the time he got back to Rusty, he was ready to kick the stallion into high gear, galloping the rest of the way home to escape the pit that was forming in his stomach, but mother nature had other ideas. 

The first drop hit Joel’s nose as he seated himself atop of his horse, making him scrunch up his face as he wiped it off. However, it was followed by a second and third that darkened his shirt, leading to an all out downpour by the time they had trotted back from whence they came. The skies had opened up in seconds, the rain pounding against his back as he squinted to see three feet in front of him. Even Rusty, with his superior vision and tact for withstanding harsh weather, was getting nervous from the winds that whipped through the trees. 

“- and we’re gonna have to pull off! I can’t see jackshit!,” Tommy shouted over a crack of thunder, the start of his sentence completely cut off by the boom. 

Joel nodded and followed his brother closely, squinting to keep his figure in sight amidst the storm that had begun out of nowhere. Tommy pulled off at a small tavern at the other side of town, one that had a hole already blown into the side of it that allowed them to ride their horses straight in without having to leave them out in the howling wind. With his head finally saved from the severe beating the weather was giving it outside, Joel sighed, reaching forward to pat Rusty in thanks before he slid off of his back. 

“God damn, I ain’t never seen it come on like that before,” his brother laughed, wringing the water from his drenched shirt. 

He didn’t answer, too busy peeking around to make sure they were completely alone inside of the rundown bar. Aside from the moss that crawled up the walls and the half used bottles still lined up on the shelves, the place was safe. Dusting the seat of one of the few salvageable booths left behind, Joel plopped himself down to wait out the storm. From where he sat, all he could see was sheets of rain sliding off of the roof, hitting the cracked pavement so hard that he could hear the heavy slap of its weight. 

A flash of lightning struck one of the trees across the road, followed by a loud bang that made him jump in his seat. Sighing, Joel looked back down at the table, annoyed that he was stuck in this place while you were up to God knows what at home. It was probably a little after ten in the morning, which meant that you would be awake and likely doing some sort of task that would make him sick with worry. He was so riled up at the thought of it that he nearly launched himself out of the booth, the only thing keeping him back was the knowledge that going out in the storm and getting hurt would not do anyone any good. Still, with his scent soured with worry, his brother immediately picked up on his uneasiness and slid into the other side of the booth. 

“Penny for your thoughts?,” Tommy tried, keeping his tone light despite the pungent scent that was likely burning his nostrils. 

Joel shook his head, unsure of what to say. What could he tell him? That he was glued to you not so much out of fear anymore, but out of some primal need to protect what was his. He no longer feared being a father again, as weird as that sounded coming from him. Instead, he now feared the possibility of that bright future that seemed within his reach being cruelly taken away. 

“Ya know, if you’re having doubts about being a dad again, I can tell ya that I -”

Joel cut in, “I ain’t got no doubts.” 

Tommy widened his eyes, looking surprised before his face relaxed into a small smile. His brother nodded, beaming at him as he sat back in his seat. 

“So? Why are you acting like someone pissed in your cornflakes?,” Tommy asked. 

Joel sighed and leaned back, unsure of whether he wanted to get into it with his brother at that moment. However, as the storm only worsened outside, it seemed like he was out of any other option, so he began. 

“She is… the love of my life and now she’s having my kid. That used to scare me but not anymore, now I’m scared of something else, something even worse” Joel stammered. 

Tommy nodded, silently urging him to continue. 

“Now, I’m scared of…,” he paused, gathering himself before he continued, “What if it happens again? What if, I get the life I wanted, I get to be a parent again with someone who is my best fucking friend, and it all just goes away. What then? I can’t - There’s nothing - What do I do?!” 

Joel watched as his brother’s face fell, the corner of his mouth losing that signature smirk that both pissed him off and comforted him at the same time. All at once, he felt ashamed, like he should’ve kept his big mouth shut rather than blather on about his incessant fears. Of course, he knew that Tommy was familiar with loss. Afterall, it wasn’t just him that had lost Sarah. Nonetheless, losing a child was a different sort of pain, one that Jackson had protected him from ever having to become acquainted with. 

“Listen, I can’t tell the future, so I ain’t gonna make any grand promises about knowing what’ll happen,” his brother started, “But I do know this. There’s no way that your kid is going anywhere anytime soon. Not this time.” 

He reared his head back like he had been slapped, suddenly angered by his brother’s nonchalance. How could Tommy possibly think that? Especially when he knew better than anyone how cruel the world could be. Hell, having been a marine before the outbreak ever started, he probably knew of the world’s cruelty longer than Joel. Still, when the younger man raised his hand he halted the insults that were on the tip of his tongue, begrudgingly giving him the benefit of the doubt. Tommy leaned forward, almost like he was about to tell him a secret and Joel couldn’t help but lean in as well. 

“That lady of yours scares the fuck out of me,” he started, making Joel guffaw, “You say Maria is terrifying? Try talking to that feral little thing when it has anything to do with you. She practically ripped me a new one when I tried to put you with Stan for patrols. Said it was either me or she’d be going herself.” 

Not once had you ever mentioned doing that for him. Joel had never even heard that a switch had ever been possible, he had just assumed Tommy’s schedule happened to line up with his. Looking back, he realized how stupid that was, especially when his brother seemed to always be rushing from one place to the next, as if his shifts conflicted with one another every week. 

“Not to mention when I asked her about moving closer into town. She told me that if I took you guys away from your home, she would burn mine to the ground, said it right to my face like it was nothing. It wasn’t even my idea! Maria had asked because of how far of a walk it is to the clinic,” Tommy exclaimed. 

A true belly laugh came from Joel, making his brother’s mouth fall open at the sound of it. He couldn’t help it, not when he was imagining the younger man’s terror at his spitfire of a mate threatening him within an inch of his life. The thing was, he also knew that you were probably being serious. As unhinged as Joel could be, the two of you went tit for tat, meaning that he could perfectly envision you standing in front of the burning house with your hands around your swollen belly, a smile on your face as you turned to waddle back home. 

“Joel,” his brother sighed, the exasperation in his voice breaking him from his fit of giggles. 

He wiped his eyes, focusing back on the beta as tried to calm himself down. 

“That pup is going to have two parents who would do anything for them, anything. The two of you are… Well, what else is there to say? You’ve met your match Joel, which is why I know that the kid is gonna be fine. Christ, whatever’s out there should probably be terrified of the little hellspawn y’all are about to let loose on the world,” his brother joked. 

Joel rolled his eyes, ignoring the last part to appreciate the sentiment. Currently, you were out of commission, as the pregnancy had left you unable to move around to any great degree. Nevertheless, the second that the baby was born, he knew that you would do anything for her, just as you once had for him. It was part of the reason he loved you so much. Maybe his brother was right, maybe his family would be safe this time, as this time he was not the only one that was willing to do anything to protect it. 

“Did she really say she was gonna burn your house down?,” Joel piped up after a while.  

Tommy solemnly nodded, “When I tried to explain that we were just worried about her giving birth and y’all having a newborn so far away from the clinic, she told me that she was gonna send ME to the clinic if I didn’t leave her the fuck alone.” 

Joel chuckled, shaking his head as he dreamily sighed, “Fuck, I love her so much.” 

And he did, so much so that he wasn’t even bothered by you threatening his brother. Tommy was a big boy and plus, you knew how much Joel hated being around the busier parts of Jackson. He preferred a quiet life with you, in the oasis that the two of you shared away from the rest of the residents. Plus, he also knew how much blood, sweat, and tears you had poured into turning the place into something special. 

Tommy smiled, shaking his head at the hearts in Joel’s eyes, “Well, as scary as that woman is, I can tell you one thing, I am grateful for her. She did something I never thought possible.”

“What’s that?,” he asked, curiosity pulling him from his obsessive thoughts about the woman he loved. 

“When you left here, I was sure that you were going to go kill yourself in them woods. That’s why I made you meet with me twice a year, to make sure my brother wasn’t going to die on me,” Tommy admitted. 

Joel winced at the pain in his baby brother’s voice. 

“I didn’t -”

Tommy waved him off, taking a steadying breath before he continued. 

“The Joel that left Jackson last time was no better than the infected, just walking through life on complete autopilot. Last time I saw you before winter, you were a ghost, but now I’ve got my brother back. She brought you back to us, to yourself! I can’t thank her enough,” he finished.

Joel swallowed hard, clearing his throat to try to dislodge the lump he found there. Everything Tommy had said was true, you were the only person that was able to pull him out of the deepest pit he had ever been in. And you had done so without even having to try. The love you showed him came naturally, just as it had for him when he finally stopped fighting it. 

“Tommy look, I know that we haven’t talked much about it but I need to say this to ya once, before I lose my nerve,” Joel rambled, throat thick with emotion, “I’m sorry for what I did before I left, what I said about your family, all of it. None of it was true, I was just looking for a fight.” 

His brother nodded knowingly, giving him a sad yet understanding look as he tried to keep his own emotions in check. Joel couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain he had caused his brother, especially now that he had a baby on the way himself. If Tommy had said those types of things about you, about his unborn child, Joel wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive him, which was why he didn’t expect him to respond. 

“I know. And I ain’t mad at ya for it no more so stop beating yourself up about it. Me and you? We’re square. Just promise me you’ll keep that mate of yours from committing any acts of arson or battery in town, Jackson don’t take too kindly to that sort of thing,” the younger man joked. 

They both laughed and the tension washed away with the rain, allowing them both to take a calming breath. 

Joel held up three fingers, “Scout’s honor.” 

“You were never in the scouts,” Tommy pointed out. 

“Fuck, guess you’re out of luck then,” he shot back. 

The two of them broke out into another round of raucous laughter, almost forgetting that they were stuck in some god forsaken dilapidated bar as they waited out the storm. They fell into a comfortable silence afterwards, one that was mixed with bouts of small talk about kids or home renovations. Never in Joel’s life did he think that he’d be able to do this, to be a brother again, but he supposed that it was like Tommy pointed out, he had you to thank for that. When it was finally time to go, he practically glided back to his horse, too excited to see you to hide the smile on his face as he saddled up. 

By the time the storm had passed, it was well past noon, meaning that you would be at the clinic stitching up cuts and learning how to catch certain symptoms from the patients that arrived. Part of the reason Joel was so okay with you still working was the fact that you were literally under the watchful eye of the town doctor, while the other part remembered how you had said that you once wished you could be a doctor. There was no way he was going to stand in the way of that, not when he knew how much it had hurt the teenage version of you to have that dream ripped away, doomed to a life as a housewife. Still, that didn’t mean Joel couldn’t swing by to bug you as you worked. In fact, now that he thought of it, he did have an awfully bad headache that only one person could fix. 

Seeing the walls of Jackson was like seeing the gates of heaven, or at least he thought so as he raced towards home, towards you. He ignored the few groups that were leaving as they came in, too focused on veering the horse towards the stables to ask why they were leaving in such a rush. Even when he reached the stable and noticed that all of the other horses were uncharacteristically in use, the air smelling distinctly of cleaning supplies as he led Rusty into his stall, he still didn’t think anything of it. 

It was only when Joel left the stalls, coming face to face with the hardened expression of his sister in law as she spoke to Tommy in a low voice that he knew something was wrong. The anxiousness he had been feeling back in town reared its ugly head, making him swallow back bile as he stumbled towards the pair. Tommy whipped around to face him, the fear and pity on his face evident as he did, and Joel felt like the sky was falling for what must’ve been the millionth time in his life. There was only one reason they would be looking at him like that. 

“Please, please just tell me,” Joel begged, uncaring of how desperate he sounded. 

Tommy looked at Maria, getting a subtle nod from her that made his stomach twist. 

“She’s gone Joel, someone’s taken her.” 

[firesign-18]

I would love to hear your thoughts on ch431 if you're willing to share, especially since better translations are finally out! Also, I guess since I'm curious too, would it affect ISYH in any way?

Hahahaha SO I had written a big spiel for the notes of chapter 47 and talked myself out of it but, just for you, okay!

One bit of disclosure - I originally really liked IzuOcha but the increasingly one-sided nature of it, and the rise of tgck, made me very indifferent about it. So maybe I’m less inherently hostile to it.

So anyway, here’s what I wrote at the time…

Probably an unpopular opinion (pls don’t shout at me 🤣) but to be honest, I didn’t hate it - it was largely what I expected from the ending the moment Himiko’s death was confirmed, and I was so pleased to get a lot more on the QCP work Ochako was leading alongside more on her relationship with Himiko (some people got very vexed about her referring to Himiko as almost like a vestige, but it makes a lot of sense! How tragic but moving that Himiko is still so close to her heart after all this time 🥹). What’s sad, though, is togachako as a ship was truly so queer (and BkDk too, though in my personal view that’s a bit less clear cut from a romantic POV than our girls, despite the way the boys are utterly obsessed with each other) and a lot of younger fans in particular seem to be really struggling with the Shonen archetype of queer build up and no pay off. It’s frustrating for those of us who are queer, of course it is, and with this in particular IMO it all directly stems from the decision to kill Himiko. She lives and a multitude of possibilities emerge. If only we’d stop burying queer characters FOR plot purposes then maybe we could have them fulfil even greater purpose IN our plots.

I also would have liked to have seen Katsuki smile but the translations coming out since the official version dropped have, IMO at least, softened the conversation between him and Izuku in the car and that made me less confused and sad about that too. Ultimately Izuku has a right to choose the path that makes most sense to him as an adult in his mid-20s - he doesn’t have to remain the wide-eyed 16 y/o who thought Kacchan was perfect forever, but it would have been nice to have seen a bit more of that kid coming through. E.g., I would have liked him to have countered Katsuki’s sidekick offer by saying uh no we’re going to compete and chase each other for the rest of our lives, so get ready No.15 for me to be the most kick-ass part-time hero ever and rocket up the rankings!

I also am a bit baffled at how little change there is in hero society, but hey, that was a problem with the entire ending and not just with 431. As you can tell, that’s one thing I am trying hard to fix in my wee story.

However, one thing that is beyond repute - adult Ochako is an absolute smoke show, so at least there’s something for us all to agree on! 😍

What did YOU think @evelynpr ??

I’m writing a little comphet fic on the side about it that I’m really enjoying - will hopefully get it out next week at some point 🤪

[blueseachelle]

Can you write a Vax x reader smut. Where they have beat the concave and helping rebuild Tal dori and Vax is getting stressed and the reader helps de stress him.

Another Vax request!! I’m so happy for this one. So, the keep will be rebuilt in this. We love a de stressing fic! If this was not up to standard, let me know! Rewrites can always happen! No problem! So, anyway, enjoy!

Use Me.

Critical Role Vox Machina

Vax x Fem! Reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

It has been extremely busy around. You and the rest of Vox Machina were trying to piece back together what was destroyed by the Concave that started this shit show. You have been helping Vox Machina ever since the first Vestige they acquired. You may be the latest to join but, it seemed like you have been there forever. During your travels with them, Vax gained feelings for you and confessed them. You returned those feelings back. You have been with him ever since.

When you first got to the keep(after it was rebuilt, or course), Vax told you that you will be sharing a room with him. You didn’t mind. As long as he didn’t mind “nerd books” lying around everywhere. You are an (High Elf) Artificer. Arcana and books are your thing. You are amazing at your work and help the team get out a lot of tight situations. You were excepted immediately among them.

You have been helping rebuild for about 3 months now. There is always a problem and situation. All of you are happy to help but, sometimes you need a break. You finally caught one. After many sleepless nights and traveling, you finally got a second. You locked yourself in you and Vax’s room and took a long rest. I know Elves don’t “Sleep” but, in this case it seemed like you were actually sleeping instead on being in a meditative state.

Vax walked down the corridor to his and your’s room. He stretched as he walked. He didn’t know how much more of this helping he could do before he would snap. He just spent all day helping a kid find his cat. Of course he isn’t a monster, helped the kid but, if you can’t even describe the color of your cat, is it really your cat? He just sighed. All he wanted to do is finally relax. It’s been weeks since he even got to relax with his beloved. He just hoped she was waiting for him on the other side of that door.

He got to the door and twisted the handle. It was locked. He groaned and grabbed his key. He swore under his breath as he unlocked it. If it was on of Scanlan pranks again, he was gonna lose his shit. He swung the door open. He breathed a sigh of relief. There were no goats or an Orc prostitute. His keen eyes picked up on the shape in his bed. It was you. He smiled and closed the door behind him. As he made his way to the bed, he mindlessly took of his armor, lazily dropping it to the floor will dull thuds and a tick every now and then because something metal hit the cold floor.

You have been asleep for a good 5 hours. Now, you were in your meditative state. The soft thuds and ticks from Vax’s armor woke you up. You felt a weight on the side of the bed. You peeked one eye open and say the raven locks of your lovely rogue. You smiled and adjusted to lay on your side, facing him. He was taking off his boots as you watched him. After he finished taking off everything, has just left in his boxers. He finally turned to you. His eyes met yours. He gave you a loving smile,

“I’m sorry, Darling, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

You returned his smile,

“It’s okay. I’m just happy that you’re here now. I’ve missed you.”

Vax chuckled and crawled into bed with you. He laid on his side facing you and gave you a hug,

“I’ve missed you too. This whole building and fixing thing has been such a fucking mess. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

You nodded,

“I get it. It’s stressful. Everyone relays on us so much. It’s a lot.”

Vax gave you a long kiss full of longing. After the kiss ended, he looked down and smirked,

“No bra today?”

You blushed,

“Yeah. All this working and walking around is making my boobs ache. I needed the relief.”

Vax’s hand came up and found it’s way to one of the squishy mounds,

“I think I know how to de-stress both of us. Only if you’re up for it, of course. I know you must be tired.”

You shook your head,

“I’m not tired at all. I love you, Vax. I want you to relax too.”

Vax smiled and squeezed her exposed chest,

“I love you too, Y/n. Thank you.”

With that, he leaned down and captured her lips with his. The kiss was filled with hunger and lust. He snaked his tongue into your mouth. You let out a slight moan. Your hands found there way to his hair, tugging slightly.

Vax readjusted your positions to where he was on top of you now. The new position made the kiss even deeper as he trailed his hands down your body. After the kiss finally split, he moved to his lips down to your jawline. He nipped and kiss his way down your neck, of course, he abused that one spot that always made you let out a slight squeak. He smirked into your neck as he continued his way down. He slowly kissed down your body, abusing the areas that he knew that would make you quiver in pleasure.

He finally made his way to your thighs. He kissed and nipped on your quivering thighs. You let out whimpers as he took his time teasing you.

“V-Vax. P-Please.”

He let out a deep chuckle.

“I know, My Love.”

Vax relented his sweet torture. He moved his curious lips to your clothed entrance. He could taste your wetness through your black panties. He lapped at you through the cloth. You arched your back off the bed below you. Your hands descended immediately down to his dark locks.

After a couple more seconds, Vax removed the cloth finally. His lips made contact with the warm, wet flesh. His tongue prodded at the entrance. You let out a moan. His hand moved from your thigh and joined it with his tongue. A single digit entered. You gasped,

“V-Vax!”

He smirked and continued. He slowly moved the finger in and out. Soon, adding a second finger into the mix. He twisted and turned his fingers expertly. He knew exactly how to make you unravel. You felt the familiar coil in your abdomen. You arched your back even more and gripped onto your beloved’s hair for dear life. He felt how you started to tighten around his fingers. You didn’t have to say one word.

Vax started to curve his fingers more and started to suck more. The coil in you abdomen began to get larger and larger. Your hands gripped onto his hair and thighs tightened around his head,

“Vax’ildan!”

With a shout of his name, you came into his awaiting mouth. He removed his fingers and licked up the wonderful nectar that seeped from your quivering hole. You slowly came down from your high as he cleaned you up. You released your thighs and hands finally after relaxing. You heard a chuckle from between your thighs. You locked down to see Vax wiping your slick from his chin.

“Babe, you really thought I would be done with you?”

He crawled towards you before continuing,

“I have a lot of pent up stress and I think you do too, My Love, and,”

He brushed her hair from her forehead and pushed his hard on against her thigh,

“We have all night to get rid of it.”

With that, Vax brought you into a deep kiss and his tongue sneaked into your mouth. You wrapped you arms around him. After the kiss parted finally, you pushed your thigh against is clothed cock. You made eye contacted with him as you caught your breath,

“Use me.”

Vax immediately lost self control. He would live up to your request. He loved you and you loved him. He would always leave you satisfied (after every time you make love) yet wanting more, as he should.

I hope you enjoyed this! I will see you in the next one!

[gentrychild]

the au ask: uh, not sure how this works, but, let's say an au where the slime incident never happens?

Anon, no! I have about five AUs for that! You could at least tell me if you want it to be angst or crack!

More seriously, it's such a fun prompt because it avoids All Might telling Izuku he can't be a hero without a quirk, which is the start of so many vigilante/villain/quirkless Izukus.

But since I am a benevolent writer, I will not talk about the AU where Tsuyu and Mineta dies, then Iida, then Kota, then Mirio, Eri isn't saved, and so on.

Okay, it got really long so it's under a Read More.

All Might arrests the Slime villain before he gets in the sewers so neither Izuku nor Bakugou are attacked by him. The problem is that it also means that All Might never meets Izuku, never break his little heart, and Izuku never has the chance to prove his worth to All Might so no OFA.

Life goes on. Izuku still wants to become a hero. However, since his homeroom teacher told his entire class that he wanted to go to UA, his entire class, led by Bakugou, has decided to make his life a living hell over it. Constant taunting and people laughing at him.

It takes its toll on him.

He still doesn't doubt that a quirkless hero can exist but the more days, weeks, months pass, the more he keeps thinking of how easier it would be if he had a quirk.

A dangerous thought. One he usually doesn't allow himself to think because why whine about what is impossible to have? But one boy can only take "What a useless quirkless Deku like you do?" before he starts to get haunted by strange thoughts. Cough... urges... Cough.

It also makes him eager to prove himself. Maybe that's why he intervenes that evening when he sees a villain trying to hurt someone. Except that once the civilian he helped is running to call a hero, he is reminded that he is a smol child made of only skin and bones and that the guy in front of him is about to bash his head in.

He tries to protect himself, his hand grabbing the villain by the head and in this moment, as he is sure that he is about to be killed, he thinks the one selfish thought that he ever thought:

"It's unfair... that this quirk belongs to someone like you... instead of me."

And just like that, Izuku takes a quirk for the first time.

The villain runs in terror and Izuku runs (in the other direction) in confusion. Soon, it's pretty clear that he apparently had the ability to take and give quirks (thank you, Mom, who has volunteered to try the villain's quirk. Though it's strange how she keeps trying to call someone on her phone these days. But it's probably not important.) Which is a very cool quirk.

Izuku now has to pass from "No quirk at all" to "Can have whatever quirk he wants", which is quite dizzying.

He is so fired up for the UA exam, five months from then. Ridiculously happy bean.

Meanwhile, Mirio gets OFA because no successor showed the self sacrificial spirit that could have inspired All Might and both GT and Nighteye kinda pressures him into choosing a successor ASAP.

This has disastrous consequences as OFA is way too powerful for Mirio and starts to put an insane strain on his body. One month later, while fighting a villain (he has his hero license), he collapses on the side of the road, black lines all over his body as the quirk is killing him.

Izuku finds him and calls an ambulance ASAP but Mirio is is really bad shape. He asks him what happened and Mirio, half delirious, tells him that his quirk is killing him.

Izuku is very "????" but he can help! He can take the quirk away! But Lemillion would be quirkless! He can't take this decision! But Mirio can so he asks.

Mirio is half conscious. Completely in pain. He didn't even want that quirk. He likes Permeation. So, half delirious as he was, he might have mumbled something like "Take that thing out of me."

Izuku does, realizes that Mirio has two quirks so he leaves him the one that doesn't feel as heavy as a freaking dwarf star. Lemillion immediately starts to stop looking like he will drop dead any moment from now and the ambulance arrives, taking the hero student away.

Since Izuku doesn't have the All Might telling him that OFA is a good quirk, he acts like a sensible person: this quirk doesn't feel normal and it apparently kills its user. So he waits about 20 seconds before getting rid of it. He finds a nice and sturdy lizard, who, unbeknownst to everyone, becomes the 10th user of OFA.

The quirk comes back to Izuku.

Quirks aren't supposed to do that.

The freaking quirk is cursed. Izuku accepted a cursed quirk.

I cannot begin to describe how Izuku doesn't trust OFA in this AU. He doesn't use it. He intensively dislikes it. He tries everything and more to get rid of it but no matter what living organism he selects, the damn thing keeps coming back.

Meanwhile, Mirio wakes up from the hospital alive :) then remembers he gave a host-killing-quirk to a smol child. O.O

Panic ensues.

All Might realizes that whoever took OFA put his hand on Mirio's head, the same way AFO does. So it was probably AFO with a fun new shapeshifting quirk.

More panic ensues.

Meanwhile, AFO, alive indeed and who has been watching Mirio wastes away and enjoying the hell out of it (though he would have preferred it had happened one generation sooner) is furious that Yagi 2.0 isn't dying anymore because it means OFA passed to someone else! And since everyone in the OFAteam is quite panicked, they apparently lost the quirk he gave his little brother!

He gets so upset about it that he somehow misses the hundred of phonecalls from his wife.

So AFO and All Might alike are looking for someone with OFA but since Izuku just isn't using it, they aren't finding it.

Meanwhile, the Vestiges went from "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, SOMEONE WITH AFO!!!! AHHHHHH!" to "What do you mean: You don't want to use us? We're not good enough for you???"

So OFA is doing the quirk equivalent of a cat purring and showing its belly so it can get some pet.

Izuku: "You know what? I know it's a trap but since I don't want to outright call a quirk evil, I will give you one chance to prove to me you're not a cursed power that wants my death."

Cue two broken legs.

Well, that's it. Izuku gave that nasty quirk the benefit of the doubt. He is never using it again. And since the damn thing is trying to contaminate his other quirks, he is vaulting it forever!

The irony is not lost on First.

The day of the entrance exam arrives and Izuku does quite well with his good, non cursed quirks, thank you very much.

And as he is leaving, he sees Lemillion! He is happy to see him in good health! He waves at him!

Meanwhile, Mirio spent the last five months trying to find that awful quirk he lost. He was half convinced he had given him to the Symbol of Evil and had trouble seeing the problem because if OFA would eat AFO, where was the problem? He is wondering if he condemned a kid to death. He Is Going Through A Lot.

He wants to say so many things, ask so many questions. And the one thing he manages to blurt out is "GET HIM!"

Tamaki and Nejire immediately shoulder slam a small child. They didn't even hesitate.

That's the story of how the Mighty team found OFA again.

Izuku loves hanging out with All Might but not even him can convince him that the quirk isn't cursed.

[netscapenavigaytor]

still was thinking abt that roblox thing and Why it bothered me so much when objectively there shouldnt be anything wrong with stuff being "better". and why i find myself gravitating towards old school internet culture and stuff lost and forgotten in the vestiges of the 'net. and like. i think i know now

everything is so clean and perfect and well made on the internet now that there isn't much of a place left for klutzy amateurish imperfect creations anymore. you have to be Really Good at creating things or you become an object of ridicule. it does not matter what effort or sincerity goes into something if it is poorly made. everything must be marketable forever.

and that is not to say that the internet used to be Nicer god knows it has never been "nice", "cringe culture" has existed for ages. but the bar has raised so high now. there are 14 year olds making beautiful art and animations i could NOT compare to even though i've practiced my whole life. and they Have To because you cant just make wonky ms paint cat drawings, those just dont cut it anymore.

and i think thats what people are really nostalgic for, not the sparkledogs and cascada songs themselves but what they REPRESENTED. the idea that you didnt need so much polish, that you could just Have Fun and people would have fun with you. and messy and wonky and childish and "bad" stuff still exists and is being made with genuine heart, but its easier to think theres something special and Different about the stuff youre nostalgic for so you can feel like youre Above the "new cringe." (i don't even think i'm totally beyond this mindset, myself, as much as i'd like to think i am)

and i don't know really who there is to blame, if there is a fair culprit. advertisers of course is the easy answer but that's not all of it, no one's really capitalizing on warrior cats amvs or whatever like that. i think maybe there's no one truly at fault, the classic internet grew up and honed their skills and no one MEANT to chase out the amateurs and children, they just continued to make the things they loved but were better at it now and could set their ambitions higher, so much better that in order to keep up everyone else had to jump straight into creating at a professional level.

i don't think i really have an ultimate point to this post. i'm just kind of rambling my thoughts here and i dont know if there's really a "solution" because in the end it feels ridiculous to say "polished content is the problem" especially because i DONT dislike stuff thats Well Made by any means and myself generally aspire to make stuff that's "good".

but the internet has definitely shifted in a way that does not really feel like "home" to me anymore, even if it's foolish to say it was EVER home to begin with

[postmodernbeing]

Shingeki no Kyojin headcanons: 104th training corps (College AU)

Hello, Postmodernbeing here. This time I wanted to write about things that I actually know, since I’m a college student and I’m studing History and Social Sciences I found myself wondering about what would the 104th training corps focus their studies on if all of them had chosen humanities as their career. I hope you find this funny and at least a bit accurate.

IMPORTANT:  I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin, only these HCs are my own. // Might contain a few spoilers from the manga. // English is not my first language and I study uni at Latin America, so scientifical terms/words/concepts may vary. Anyhow, I thank you for reading and for your patience.

Eren Jaeger

He’s passionate about Military History, not to be confused with history of army. Eren’s rather focused in strategies, weapons and semiotics involved in military speech.

First started with books about great wars in modern era. The use of certain weapons took him by surprise due the technological development.

Then he took classes about discourse analysis, semiotics and such, and felt inspired by the discourse reflected in emblems, uniforms, flags, etc.

Eren doesn’t really have a preference between occidental or oriental, North or South, Modern or Ancient settings. He would simply devour all the books that deal with military strategy and warlike conflicts. Although he has more experience and information about great wars in modern era.

He’s fascinated with the inexhaustible human desire of freedom and the extent that it can reach. This fascination might not be very healthy, he concludes.

Also, finds a cruel beauty in violence when showed in freedom and ideals are protected over one’s own life. But he won’t tell his classmates or professors. He knows is a controversial opinion for he’s still aware the implications of massive conflicts and the abuse of power.

One thing led to another, Eren is now taking classes and reading about philosophy in war and anthropological perspectives about violence through time.

He’s so into social movements besides his main interest in college: “No one’s really free until all humanity is”, that’s his life motto pretty much.

Due his readings and researches he decided it was important to develop a political stance about the world’s problems. Eren strongly believes all lives worth the same, but systems and nations had imposed over others and vulnerated other human's lives.

Yes, Eren is anti-capitalist and anti-imperialist.

Mikasa Ackerman

Asian Studies Major / History Minor.

She thinks by studying these degrees, she pays honor to her heritage. Specially to her mother. Her family is the proudest for Mikasa is also the best student in her whole generation.

Mikasa received a scholarship thanks to Azumabito family, who are co-founders of an academic institution dedicated to Asian historical and cultural research. She might as well start working when she graduates.

Although she’s passionate about Japan’s history, she has written a few articles and essays about Asian Studies themselves and the importance of preserving but also divulging by means of art and sciences.

In her essays and research work, she likes to employ tools from many disciplines since she strongly believes all humanities and social sciences serve the very same purpose at scrutinize the social reality all the same. Might as well use demographics, ethnology, sociology, philosophy, anthropology, archeology, and so on. For it proves to bring light into questions that history by itself could answer unsatisfactorily (in Mikasa’s opinion).

Even her professors wonder how she manages to organize that much information and pull it off successfully. She might as well be more brilliant than a few PhD’s students.

Armin Arlert

Prehistoric studies / Archeology

He’s so into the studies about the prehistoric humans and routes of migration.

Passionate about the ocean and natural wonders since kid, Armin believed his career would be environmentalist or geoscience related.

That was the agreement he had with his grandad since middleschool, until he read Paul Rivet’s “The Origins of the American Man” book and captured him thoroughly. The way the book explained logically the diverse theories about global migration and enlisted the challenges of modern archeology -for there are numerous mysteries- simply devoured his conscience.

He knew from the books he’d read that most evidence of the first settlements are deep under dirt or far away in the ocean whose level has risen over the centuries leaving primitive camps – and answers – unreachable. 

That’s the reason he is so eager to study and give his best to contribute both archeology and history disciplines. Also, he’ll forever love the ocean and nature, just leave him do all the fieldwork, please.

Jean Kirstein

History of industry / Industrial heritage / Historical materialism

Jean first started interested in capitalist industries and production development in first world countries. Kind of rejected other visions and explanations since he’d read about positivism studies.

His interest in such matters started when he was a just boy. He often found himself wondering how things were made and that question captured him ever since. As he grew up, he realized that machines and industrial processes were highly involved in the most mundane objects creation.

Nonetheless, he learnt that not always the best machinery was used, nor the best work conditions were available for mass production. From that moment he’d started to read about the First Industrial Revolution and his mind just took off with questions. Invariably, he learned about labour struggle and the transforming power due workforce.

Between his readings and university classes, he’d knew more about labour movements, unions. And in the theoretical aspect, he'd learned about historical materialism analysis.

One could say that Jean possesses a humanistic vision of the implications in mass production under capitalist system along history and nowadays.

Marco Bodt

Royalty's history / Medieval Studies 

I wanted to keep his canonical fascination to royalty and the best way to do that was including Medieval Studies.

Marco would study since the fall of Roman Empire until the latest gossip of royal families all across Europe.

Might get a bit of Eurocentric with his essays but in real life discussions he’s always open to debates about decolonization. He has even read Frantz Fanon books and possesses a critical thinking about colonial countries and their relations with the so named third world.

Nevertheless, Marco finds a strange beauty in the lives of monarchs and he’s interested in study from their education, hobbies, strategies, relationships, everything.

I’d say that his favorite historical period is probably the establishment of the descendants of the barbarian peoples in the new kingdoms such as the Visigoths, Ostrogoths, Franks, Vandals, Huns, Saxons, Angles and Jutes (holy shit, they're a lot).

Because this would transcend as the beginning of his favorite matter of analysis.

Sasha Braus

History of gastronomy, development of cooking, antropology and archeological studies.

Sasha’s interested in the history that shows human development of food and cooking. She finds wonders when she inquires into cultural aspects from the first farming till modern artistic expressions that would involve food.

Such as gastronomy. But her attention got caught in literature’s food representation too, with its symbols and allegories, also in paintings that belong in still life movement, but also Sasha finds interest when food is used as rhetorical devices (for example: the apple in Adam and Eve’s myth).

She’s curious about primitive systems of irrigation, cultivation, food distribution, adaptation of wild species; as well as the domestication of animals, the diversification of the diet and its link with sedentary life, as well as the subsequent division of labor once the need for food was assured in humanity’ first cities.

Sasha’s convinced that alimentation is the pilar of civilization as we know it. For it involves cultural, artistic, economic, emotion and social aspects. Food is a microcosm of analysis of humanity.

Sasha hasn’t a favorite historical period or setting. But she definitely has a special fascination for first civilizations and their link with alimentation. Also, she likes to study the development gastronomy in occident world around different regions, social classes, and time.

Although, let’s be honest, Sasha would devour (lol, couldn’t help it) ANY book about agriculture, cattle raising, cooking or gastronomy. 

Connie Springer

Micro-history / History of everyday life.

Connie loves his hometown, has a deep respect to his family and traditions. That’s why he finds himself wondering about the most ordinary events that developed in his dear Ragako. 

The book “The Cheese and the Worms” by Carlo Ginzburg changed the way he used to understand history and capture him into meaningful discussions about what he learned was called micro-history.

His favorite quote from that book is: “As with language, culture offers to the individual a horizon of latent possibilities—a flexible and invisible cage in which he can exercise his own conditional liberty.”

Once deep into studying the Italian historians and their works, he decided to give it a try, and ever since he’s mesmerized with the mundane vestiges craftsmen that worked in his village left behind.

Connie’s parents are so proud of him and his achivements, but mostly because he became a passionate academic over human and simple matters, (so down to earth our big baby).

His attitude towards his essays and research works truly shows his great heart and humility. Connie is aware that academic works have no use if they are not meant to teach us about ourselves too and current times.

Empathy and hard work, that’s how one could describe the elements that integrate his recently started academic career.

Historia Reiss

Political History / Statistician

Her father’s family pressured Historia since she was a little girl into studying History just like his dad. For he’s a very famous historian that had made important researches and books about the greatest statesmen of Paradis.

She thought in numerous ways that she could sabotage her career or study any other career without her family’s consent and end with her linage of historians. But she ended up enrolling in tuition and so far, she is trying her best in her studies. Historia swears this is the right path for her.

But don’t let the appearances fool you, even thought she studies her father’s career and the very same branch of history’s discipline, she has her own critical sense and she’s so talented on her own, very meticulous with her research papers.

Definitely wants a PhD about women, power and politics. We stand a Gender Studies Queen.

Her complementary disciplines are Political Sciences. Historia also has a talent for philosophy and owns a diary with all her thoughts about them. She hopes one day she would write a book or a manifesto about an innovative methodology for research and teaching History of Politic Thinking.

Ymir 

Religion’s History / Theology

Just like Historia, Ymir was pressured into studying History. And if she’s totally honest, she still has some doubts about it. Even if she couldn’t imagine herself studying anything else.

Anyways, Ymir thought that she could build her career around topics that she enjoys. So, she finally chose theology for unusual reasons.

Her classmates had grown up in religious families or had experience studying the doctrines they practiced. But she, being an agnostic, found satisfaction in unraveling belief systems in different cultures and time periods.

Albeit she studies in Paradis’ University, she currently has the opportunity of taking an academic exchange at Marley’s University. This only made Ymir more conflicted about her future, for she wants to stay (near Historia) but she’s aware that Marley would offer her more academic opportunities for her specialization.

Nowadays she’s working in some collaborative research paper with some people from Mythological Studies from the Literature department. She’s nailing it, writing some historical studies about titans in Greek mythology and its impact in shaping neoclassical poetry. Her brains ugh, love her.

Reiner Braun

Official History / Biographies of heroes and great wars.

His mother convinced him with numerous books about great national heroes, but mostly because she knew that would mean sure job to her son. All political administration in every level requires of an official chronicler. 

When he started his college courses, Reiner felt motivated and he was actually convinced that he had the vocation. But the more he read the less sure he felt that the academic world was for him. He wondered if he made the right choice. If he did it for him or for his mother.

Stories and myths about heroes have always cheered him up. That gave him purpose and consoled him when feeling down. Or at least it was like that when younger. Reiner truly didn’t feel like himself when regretting his choices, but he couldn’t help it for he was changing in more than a way.

That’s why he decided to experiment with other disciplines and with time he would find joy in historical novels. He would analyze them just as good as a litterateur and research about historical context in the written story AND study the artwork’s context itself.

His favorites theorical books are: “Historical Text as Literary Artifact” by Hayden White and Michel de Certeau’ “The Writing of History”.·        

Heroes stories would always accompany him, just differently now.

Bertolt Hoover

History of mentalities / Les Annales

Intimate relationships, basic habits and attitudes. / Culture

Bertie has always been a much reticent and shy guy. As he grew up, he consolidated his sullen personality, but maintained a friendly attitude towards anyone who needed him. That’s why he thought that the priority in his studies was to be at the service of his classmates.

So, although he was passionate about research and was a fan of the French Les Annales current, he considered his mission to be in the Archive. As a cataloger, organizer and curator of ancient documents.

But the ways of History are always mysterious, and Doctor Magath showed him that other way of being was possible. Before Bertolt picked his specialty, he met Theo Magath, a professor who recently had finished writing a book: “The Idea of Death in Liberio’s Ghetto in Marley During its War Against Eldia (Paradis)” (long-ass titles are historians specialty btw). After Magath ended his book’ presentation, Bertolt reached him. They talked for hours and finally, he felt inspired into pursuing his true passion. Magath gifted him “The Historian’s Craft” by Marc Bloch as a way to reminding him his way.

By the time Bertolt took History of Mentalities as optional class, he already had some basic notions about Les Annales, Lucien Febvre, Marc Bloch, Fernand Braudel, Jacques Le Goff and such. 

Being the gentle giant he is, Bertolt finds joy in reading about different lifestyles in diverse cultures. He constantly wonders about the origin of social constructs and the way they shape thinking as much as identity.

This boy is a wonder, he might not be the best in oral presentations or  extracurricular activities but sure as hell he’ll graduate with honors.

Annie Leonhart

Oral history, about institutions. Particularly, police and justice system in early XXs.

Albeit she got into the same University than Bertolt and Reiner, even shared classes and hopes, Annie regularly felt disconnected from her studies. With time she realized it wasn't due her career itself but rather because of the currents that her professors had suggested her taking. Until now.

Talking with Hitch and Marlow about their doubts concerning subjects and departments it came up the topics of history and present time but also oral history. She’d never heard something like that before. So, that very same week, Annie started searching for information about that.

She ended up with more questions: is it all of this just academic journalism? Or maybe sociology? When we can talk about regular history and when it starts being present time? If she introduces interviews due oral history, then that makes it an interdisciplinary work? Which are the best systems for analyzing data? Definitely, she’ll need help from anthropology and sociology departments if she wants to keep going. 

Contrary to her initial prognostic, philosophy and history of historic writing became her new allies, and the text “Le temps présent et l'historiographie contemporaine” (Present Time and Contemporary Historiography) by Bédarida among others, provided Annie another perspective. 

Regarding her favorite topics, she wouldn’t say that she selected them freely. They were just practical preferences. For institutions own extensive archives and numerous functionaries. One way or another, she ended up tangled in judicial system and police issues.

With new tools and object for studying, one could find Annie having a blast as detective too. Even if her academic essays focus on institutions’ history and configuration, she’s also working in corruption and more. She doesn’t do it because she believes it’s the right thing, but besides, the thrill of the tea is spicy. Although she won’t admit it. 

[x0401x]

Violet Evergarden Short Story

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

The ingredients that led me to my current self were:

A teaspoon of queen’s pride.

Two tablespoons of love for my husband, a one-sided feeling now required.

Plenty of tears shed in a forest capital where I had no supporters.

Mix the tear batter with the stubbornness of a princess from the country of white camellias, then put it in the oven. Once it bakes until it becomes tough enough to give one a hard time cutting it even with a knife, it is done. No one can tear a bite off it so easily.

My adult self was reborn this way.

But then, what about her? I wondered what kind of adult my favorite girl was by now.

Just as I was curious about this, good news arrived.

   The Queen and the Auto-Memories Doll

   The marauder came around the time when the red roses were in full bloom.

Said doll, whose lustrous golden hair fluttered in the wind, had jewel-like blue eyes that nailed people down. A dignified young woman, intimidated by nothing. That was the kind of marauder she was.

If I were to talk about my relationship with her, it would be a long story. If I were to explain it leaving out the many stories that happened between us, I would probably say that she was a key figure who became the mediator of my love story in the past, as well as an Auto-Memories Doll engaged in the ghostwriting business at a certain famous postal company.

Although she was the kind of girl who seemed like she could live in solitude forever, she was different when she appeared before me.

“It has been a while, Lady Charlotte.”

I had invited her into our kingdom as a guest of honor because I heard that she was taking a long vacation and traveling around the world – so the passage of time could change people this much.

“I will rush to anywhere that my clients desire...”

The girl, who used to be so ephemeral in the past, had grown up and brought a man to accompany her on the journey, so was it not fitting to call her a marauder? At the very least, she had opened an air hole in my unchangeable royal palace life.

“No, pardon me. This is Violet Evergarden on break from duty, Your Majesty, Queen Charlotte.”

I whispered with the dignified gaze and voice tone of a queen, “It’s been a long time, ghostwriter. No... Violet. Thanks for coming even though you’re on vacation.” I then fixed my stare on the man standing next to Violet.

My adorable ghostwriter possessed a beauty that shone distinctly even in within the palace, which congregated fine-looking women. Therefore, it would not be strange at all if she eventually had a deep relationship with some gentleman, but by no means could I tell if he had that sort of relationship with her.

He greeted me after Violet. Apparently, his name was Gilbert Bougainvillea.

“What’s the relationship between you two?”

As I asked straight to the point, Violet and Gilbert looked at each other’s faces.

Violet then opened her mouth, “He is my former superior officer.”

“So you are related through work.”

“Yes, but I am no longer registered in the military, so maybe I should say that he is my benefactor, whom I am on close terms with nowadays...”

“So you’re close to your benefactor... enough to go on a trip with him, huh.”

“Well...”

Perhaps unable to precisely define her relationship with him, Violet fell silent. But from this, I was able to catch the glimpse of a womanly shyness that I had the feeling I had gone through before.

“The word ‘benefactor’ alone indeed does not cover it.”

“Dear me.”

“I would like to use a more suitable word if there was any, but even I, who work with ghostwriting, do not know an appropriate term for it...”

“Hum, Violet, I’m sorry.”

“‘Reverence’ is not enough and ‘adoration’ might be too trivial...”

“I’m sorry; you can stop there. He’s also embarrassed. You don’t want other people to ask too much about those things, right? It’s under development, isn’t it?”

He smiled, seeming a bit awkward. He was an adult man but looked slightly childish when smiling.

——Isn’t he a fine man?

Hair the color of dusk, blessed physique and virile facial traits. There was some elegance in him. His looks had a male allure that was capable of exhilarating the courtiers of the palace.

——Such a pretty emerald iris.

He was a stunning man. The look in his eye was grievous and had a darkness to it. A mysterious man with an eyepatch. The hardships that he had been burdened with until now oozed out of him. His scent was different from the one of the palace’s knights, but I could feel a similar air coming from him. His build seemed reliable, which looked even more remarkable as he stood next to Violet. I wondered if he had not been quite the pretty boy in his younger years.

He appeared to be apart from Violet in age. I suddenly recalled that I had asked her in the past about what she thought of age gaps between men and women.

——Did she not say no back then because of her relationship with him?

I had many guesses, but I did not voice any of them. I was an adult now.

“Erm, there was an introduction before you came into the room, but I’m going to introduce myself again. I am Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel. The queen of this country.”

I was Charlotte Abelfreya Drossel before. My lips were finally used to the greeting ever since my name had changed. Even so, I did not want Violet to call me a queen.

“Violet, you put the title of honor ‘Your Majesty the queen’ on me earlier, but you can refer to me in the same way as before. I want you to do that.”

“Is that not disrespectful?”

“It isn’t. I’m asking for it, after all.”

Silence.

“I will punish anyone who opposes to this. Got it, Violet?”

“Yes, Lady Charlotte.”

Right, that was better. After all, when you called me that, I could feel as if I had returned to the times when I was in my homeland where white camellias bloomed. I asked the same thing out of Mr. Bougainvillea, but he refused it due to it being discourteous. Well, this was our first meeting, so maybe there was no helping it.

   After that, Violet and I were left on our own. Mr. Bougainvillea took his leave, saying that we must have had things to talk about. I also drove all of the ladies-in-waiting out of the reception room and was at last actually able to breathe.

The suffocation I felt from my daily life in the royal palace did not come only from wearing a corset. When I thought that there were no longer any stares keeping watch on us, I made merry like a little girl.

“Violet.”

“Yes, Lady Charlotte.”

“Violet, Violet! You’ve become an adult, huh!”

“Yes, Lady Charlotte.”

We had first met when we were both girls, so when we reunited, I could feel as if we had gone back to those days. But I did not know if she, who was always expressionless, was happy about it, yet just when I thought this, Violet’s lips were faintly forming an arc.

——My, she laughed.

Much too surprised, I forgot about conducting myself like a queen and opened my mouth wide. “Violet! You...!” I touched her cheeks with both of my hands.

I should not be doing something like that to her, as she was a lady and no longer a girl, but I felt like confirming if such a natural smile was not my hallucination. I kneaded her cheeks pliably. Violet let me do as I pleased.

“Lady—Char—lotte—” Violet spoke, sounding like having her cheeks kneaded was inconvenient.

——How soft; so you had such soft cheeks? No, more importantly...

“Wh-Wh-What’s gotten into you? You’re the one who pinched your cheeks saying you couldn’t smile that one time!”

“My per—formance has im—proved.”

At first, I could not catch what she was saying very well. “My performance has improved”. After ruminating for the words in my head, I finally understood it.

“Huhu—hahaha!”

This mood. This sensation that almost felt like a toy doll was talking to me. I could actually feel that, yes, Violet was indeed in front of me.

Overjoyed, I let out a high-pitched laughter, just like a little girl. Then, I took Violet’s hand. I squeezed it tight, putting into it my sentiment of deep affection for her, the possessor of mechanical arms. “Hey, I’m truly happy to see you. Have you been doing well?”

“Yes. Lady Charlotte, you also appear to be in good health.”

“I became a bit of an adult too, right? How do I look?”

“Yes, you have become an adult woman.”

When I said that I was currently pregnant, Violet blinked, and then told me to “please sit down”. Her attitude was as if she were protecting me almost like a knight. But I shook my head. I invited her to a stroll. Once I told her that walking a little was best for a mother’s body, as expected, she offered her arm in a knightly manner and escorted me.

That part of her had not changed.

“My husband is in the middle of government affairs, but you should be able to see him tonight.”

As there was also the fact that I was carrying the child of King Fluegel, I had changed residences from the royal palace and was resting in the royal villa for now. A garden spread out outside of the villa, which was a good place for a walk.

In Fluegel, nicknamed the Forest Kingdom, both the royal palace and the land surrounding it were enclosed by trees and green meadows. The garden also had a feel unlike that of Drossel, its atmosphere somewhat idyllic. If I were to describe just the environment, I would say that it was a nice place for children.

“A dinner party... is too ceremonious, so I’m thinking of just having a banquet in the royal villa. You’ll stay over, right? I also want you to meet Lord Damian...”

Violet’s eyes went left and right, as if searching for vestiges of Mr. Bougainvillea, who was nowhere to be found. “If that person says it is all right...”

He was supposed to be having a tour around the palace’s interior with the chamberlain by now. I had told the latter to convince him to agree, so there would likely be no problem. The chamberlain was a capable person.

“Please. Just one day is fine. One day is fine, so... Violet, I want to spend it with you.”

“Will you not be bored in my company?”

“No way. If I were, I wouldn’t have told you to ‘come here because I want to see you’.”

“Are you still unused to life here?”

“Yeah, I have clashes from the smallest to the biggest things. It’s gotten better in comparison to the beginning of my marriage, but in the end, I’m all alone in this country. It’s probably hard for you to understand how happy it makes me to be able to see a face I know... but I’m really glad.”

Hearing these words, Violet made a face that looked like she was giving it a thought. “Will you not summon Madam Alberta?”

Alberta was the woman who had influenced my life the most – the courtier who had acted as my foster mother. She was also in the position of chief of the ladies-in-waiting, so she could not go so easily to the princess who had married off to a different country.

“I’d like to. Lord Damian is making sure that she’ll come if my child is born safely. After fulfilling my role as a queen, I can finally... finally ask for what I want.”

“So it could be said that the more valuable the person’s circumstances, the more inconveniences they face.”

“Yeah. Besides, Alberta probably doesn’t want to be away from her country...”

“It did not seem like it to me. Though this is my own speculation.”

“Is that true...? Hey, speaking of which, you were in Drossel before coming here, right? Why did you go see Alberta before coming to me? Was it a geographic issue? Did you have plans to come here?”

“No, we did not have plans to come to Fluegel.”

My mouth distorted. Were my feelings unilateral? That was what I thought, but as she added, “It would be a problem if civilians carefreely came to visit someone from the royal family”, I was at a loss for words. It was just as Violet said.

She said with a face that feigned ignorance at my complicated maiden heart, “In a way, there is a reason. Madam Alberta once interceded for me to take the job of private tutor of a certain lady from the nobility, so I also went to the royal palace in order to report it to her.”

“My, you’d started doing that kind of work?”

“No... she... that person was an exception.” Perhaps remembering this person, Violet looked into the distance for a bit and then closed her eyes. “After that, too, she would introduce jobs to me whenever possible... so my company’s president also told me to express my gratitude if I ever had a chance to see her. Even if I had not... I wanted to show Major – my companion – the beauty of that country.”

“Is that so...? I’m happy. The beauty of my country is my pride.”

“Yes. I could not have thought that we would come here as per Madam Alberta’s arrangement.”

“S-Sorry.”

The courtier Alberta was once my wet nurse, and to Violet, she was a work intermediator. Alberta had persuaded Violet, saying that, since she had come nearby, she probably wanted to see me.

Having received the news about Violet’s visit from Drossel, I had sent a carriage from Fluegel to pick her up without thinking about her convenience. As a result, I had hindered the vacation that this much-demanded Auto-Memories Doll probably was finally able to have... as well as the time that she was getting to spend with her significant other.

Calling her over in a way that bordered forcefulness might be an arrogant conduct coming from the royal family.

“Violet... did you not want to come to Fluegel?”

“That is not the case.”

“Really...?”

“Yes; it is the country that Lady Charlotte married off to, after all. I had interest in it.”

“Thank you... I’m not free, so... I can’t go anywhere on my own... I had no choice but to bring you here.”

As I said this, Violet nodded with an “I am aware”.

   Afterwards, we talked about what happened in the meantime that we had not seen each other. About how Lord Damian and I were able to properly fall in love with each other after marrying. About how Violet had managed, through ups and downs, to find the most beloved master that she had been looking for. About the fact that he was Mr. Gilbert. About her wish for two of them, in the life that they would have from now onward, to go to the countries that she had visited as an Auto-Memories Doll, because she wanted him to become acquainted with them as well, even if it took some time. We talked about such things quiet and lightly.

I was so happy for being able to have this kind of conversation with her that I could not help myself.

“Speaking of which, Lady Charlotte, it seems you are funding an orphanage.”

“You think it’s hypocritical of me?”

“No. To tell the truth, a girl who is being taken care of over there is supposed to work with us in the future.”

“Eh, is that so? I... built that orphanage because I was influenced by you.”

We opened our eyes wide at each other’s information, hearts pounding, and then broke into giggles.

Aah, when was the last time that I had been so free of wariness with someone? It was really fun. How many more times would I get to see her like this?

“By the way, how’s the Auto-Memories Doll that was with Lord Damian during the Public Love Letters doing?”

Even though we had barely just started chatting, I suddenly thought about that. It was a bad habit of mine. I was quick to picture the end of things.

“She is doing well. It seems she is... always having fights with her lover, but...”

Life was short. Many things passed in a blink of eye.

“Is that okay?”

I spent my time burying down the intervals in which I could not see her.

“It is. Our company is the same as ever. Everyone is doing fine.”

Even so, we could not be together forever.

We would spend time together today and tomorrow, and once we parted, there was a possibility that we would never meet again. After all, I was a queen and Violet was an Auto-Memories Doll. A woman who could go nowhere and a woman who could go anywhere. As one would expect, our social positions were different.

——Aah, Charlotte, stop thinking, I reprimanded myself. Although this moment was unbearably fun, I was conscious of its end, which caused my chest to tighten somewhat.

I was together with Violet in the time when red roses blossomed. The hours we spent talking in the garden would probably become irreplaceable to me. I might recall it over and over.

——This might not be the case for Violet, though.

Friendships could also be unrequited. That was exactly why this moment was both too happy and too painful.

“Lady Charlotte.”

Having my name called, I frantically raised the corners of my mouth, which had gone down before I realized. A queen had to be always smiling elegantly, as to not make the subjects uneasy.

“Wh-What is it?”

Even though I excelled at faking a smile, for some reason, I could not do it properly right now.

“What is the matter?”

I would end up accidentally showing her my original, anxious self when she was in front of me.

“Nothing; it’s just that my heart is filled to the brim.”

Being overcome with emotion at the irreplaceable “present” out of the blue in the middle of a conversation and feeling sad about it was incomprehensible and nothing but a bother to the other person.

“I simply... thought that I was indeed lonely.”

Violet. I might be no more than a character that had not even amounted to a single page of your life.

“I really wanted to see you.”

But you had played a huge role in mine, so you would always be in my heart.

“Because I’d been remembering the things you said to me whenever I was having a hard time.”

Whenever I was sad and about to burst into tears, your face would appear in my heart and you would speak to me.

“Weird, isn’t it? If you think about it, we aren’t that close. I’m just a client to you anyways. Just one person in a crowd. But...”

But I had never forgotten the things you had done for me.

“But, y’know...”

You had supported my love. Allowed me to be selfish. Told me that I was a crybaby. You were the only girl about as old as me that I could be myself when interacting with.

“But...”

To me, you were my girlhood itself. A symbol of the time when I lived in Drossel, fell in love and was simply Charlotte. It was almost as if I were embracing my child self.

Could you tell? My chest was hurting a lot. What a pain. Why did people become like that when growing up?

“I like you.”

Why did we think that these moments in which we became weak were so bad?

“Lady Charlotte...”

In that instant, Violet came closer, and just when I wondered if she was going to kiss me, she reached out a hand.

“‘I want to stop your tears’.”

And then, the tip of her finger scooped a drop of the tears that were about to overflow.

“If I am certain, I had once told you this, Lady Charlotte.”

I was a bit dumbfounded. I did not think she still remembered that.

“Are you still a crybaby...?”

When she gently asked me that, I felt like one more tear would leak. I suppressed my eyes in a panic. “No way I’d be. I’m a queen already.”

“Yes.”

“I have Lord Damian too. I’m his wife.”

“Yes.”

“I’ve become strong. I... got a bit weak just now, but it was a temporary thing.”

“Yes, I am aware.”

Aah, you. Violet.

“Lady Charlotte, if you like...”

You were extremely insensitive sometimes.

“...if you ever have a chance to travel to Leidenschaftlich...”

And cruel.

“...by all means, do call me. I will hasten to join you.”

But kind enough to make me cry.

“I want to show you that city one day...”

You had no idea that you were saving me with your casual statements.

Before I noticed, Violet was offering me a handkerchief. I accepted it, and while hiding my crying face but making at least my voice sound all right, I said, “I’ll go; I’ll definitely go there one day. And when I do, show me around!”

Violet replied, “Yes” with a tone that indicated she was probably smiling.

“Definitely.”

Surely, even if I managed to meet Violet again someday, the same thing would happen. It was precisely because we could not see each other that I would be both happy and pained once I managed to see her.

“Of course. If it suits you, I can draw up a written oath... Ah, Lady Charlotte. Major is back.”

The contents of our conversations had changed from before. We were no longer talking about one-sided love letters. I would not sulk or curl up on my bed in front of her.

“No way; I can’t show him a face like this.”

Still, it did not matter how many years passed.

“You look beautiful.”

It was not as if my feelings would be gone.

——We were able to meet today like that. Even if we part ways tomorrow, you’ll surely be on a voyage somewhere around the world.

“Aren’t my eyes red?”

“No, Lady Charlotte.”

When I thought about that, I started looking forward to it. Should I try to write her a letter telling her that I wanted to see her by the time that the tales of our journeys had piled up?

“Your Majesty, may I also join Violet?”

“Of course; here, sit down.”

I had already decided on an opening phrase for it.

“Major, I was told a wonderful story. Is it all right to talk about it?”

“Aah, tell me, Violet.”

“The orphanage that Lady Charlotte built is...”

   Dear Ms. Violet Evergarden, Are you doing well?

I want to see you.

[augment-techs]

“I’m—I’m fine. I’ve had worse.” for Ziggy and whoever you want

The blood soiled the clothes he'd been wearing for less than two weeks as easy as anyone else.  Since he'd been fifteen and drawn into the sentry ranks with almost no choice in the matter other than surrender or death, this was something he'd gotten used to. Waiting forever to get new or barely used clothing, only to have it damaged or ruined just after from his inevitably poor luck. Someone actually being there to care about Ziggy in the aftermath of having been inflicted with pain and injury was an almost entirely new experience, though. * Ziggy had been undergoing a lot of new experiences--same as every last one of the other sentries--since the Ranger Slayer ascended Drakkon's throne and set to work making an effort to make the world better. Though, maybe he had the other sentries beat, just the tiniest bit? Even his closest friends and mentors in their small, cloistered group of those not considered heartless, who actually cared about the people out in the world they were supposed to protect, didn't have a superior officer (a Red Sentry CAPTAIN) that was summoned by the Ranger Slayer herself into the throne room the same day as the transfer of power after all the speeches; that allowed Ziggy to tag along because, "Well, everyone will find out by tomorrow, anyway. You might as well put that motor mouth to good use." Ziggy had been under the wing of a goddamn Coinless spy. A General among the people that had been fighting the good fight since before Ziggy was born; who had been hugged by the last vestiges of Angel Grove's living Rangers (Dillon and Scott had to hold him along his shoulders when Ziggy had told them in the barracks that night, he was bouncing in his bed hard enough with such a big smile that it was like he was two years old again without a basic understanding of social constraints; Summer and Flynn just tried not to look too smug that all of them were getting free meals from their own Captains T.J. and Kelsey over having won a bet they'd all made about their favorite Red Sentry) and took his helmet off in front of Ziggy for the first time to introduce himself, not as Captain Williams, but as Eugene Skullovitch, "Skull for short, though. I think you've earned it, kid." Then Ziggy had been introduced to his Captain's best friend in the whole world (Summer had squeaked and almost shouted that she knew who Ziggy was talking about when he described him, "That was Bulk, Ziggy! THE Bulk!") and gotten the biggest hug in his whole life while being doted on by the vast bear of a man speaking of him in glowing terms that had Ziggy limp as a kitten blushing like mad, "Oh, you're the Ziggy I've heard so much about! Skull talks all about you on the wireless, but I think he might have been joking just a tiny bit when he said you're seventeen. Be honest, you're more like fifteen, right? All this hair and wiry muscle, you have to have been pulling his leg?" "Bulk," the Ranger Slayer, who insisted on being called Kim (jesus-fucking-christ) by anyone Skull called friend (which really just meant trust-worthy or not a complete asshole) among the ranks, had put a stop Bulk's mother henning with a gentle tap on the man's shoulder, "Not everyone is built like we were in the old days. I'm sure he'll get more meat on his bones as things improve." It had been awkward after, Ziggy walking with his Captain back to their rooms to find Ziggy's group of friends and the two other Captains; with all of them just gaping at the man's face like they'd never get the chance again. The days that followed with the rebuilding and the Coinless in the halls and taking care of the general populace that had to be told of the change in power and the defeat of Rita. It was tiring, but Ziggy had gotten to spend ten times as much time with his friends and just...not being an enforcer for Scorpina or Drakkon or the like, that he actually allowed himself to relax into the way things were going.  He'd signed up for night classes that some of the Coinless and retiring sentries were teaching. He'd been granted two days a week where he

didn't have to dress in his Black Sentry fatigues, could sleep in, could enjoy himself. Ziggy should have known that not all the new changes were appreciated by everyone. There were sentries, after all, who had been totally okay with the way things were with Scorpina, who were afraid of Drakkon like everyone else, but had been prepared to live their lives entirely by the pathological psychopath's way. There were those that had found Skull's being a spy to be an insult or actual betrayal. Those kinds of people always noticed that they could never address their issues with who they thought was the source of their anger; they never would have confronted Skull, even alone, even on his days off where he went out in leather jackets and jeans and could still beat anyone who bothered him into the ground, no problem.  So, Ziggy really shouldn't have been surprised to being decked the one day he'd gone out alone to check out some of the new apartments and prefabs he and his...friends? Could they really be called just that when they all kissed and touched more than any other groups Ziggy had ever seen?...were thinking of moving into since the barracks had become a little too impersonal to them. And, maybe, he was less surprised about the beating, than he was about how many people were doing it in tandem, with such efficiency as to render him unconscious within the first five minutes. * Yeah... Ziggy was more surprised to wake up, not in some filthy alley that had once been a desolate place to have battles with the walking corpses Rita Repulsa had walking around taking out everyone they could, but on a couch that could almost pass as new. His wiry frame tucked into blankets like some precious thing, head on a pillow that was so fucking soft it was unreal, the smell of the place a familiar comfort without knowing just where he was... The pain of his arm being swabbed with medical ointment. "OW OW OW!" "Ah, calm down you big baby," Skull practically grumbled like a much put-upon old dog answering the whines of a puppy that had stepped in a puddle and scared itself, "It hurts because it's working. This is actually good medicine and not that watered down crap the medics try and conserve." "How would you know that," Ziggy questioned with as much fizzy sass he could muster with a handprint around his neck, one eye changing color around the edges from the sucker punch that laid him out, countless cuts and scrapes, and a possible concussion that Dillon was gonna be pissed about when he arrived at Skull's apartment in the next hour when he got off his sentry shift, "You steal it out of the medical wing?" "I grow my own herbs, actually. Having a background in Classics means I'm good at recollecting things that might actually be useful when I need them. They might not be fully up to code, but they usually work anyway." Callused fingers dipped into a glass jar and traced the bruising Skull had already gone over, adding a warm, clear liquid that clung to the scrapes and coloring that his skipping stone, underwater eyes kept wandering back to; the feeling cool as mint and the smell mixing in with whatever Skull was boiling in the fireplace on a chain--not entirely unpleasant, but it still had Ziggy squirming in discomfort of being doted on in any capacity. "I'm..." Ziggy started again, trying to ignore the itching behind the eyes when Skull moved into checking the marks around his neck, spider-like and delicate and kinder still than he had any right to be with someone he'd had to defend without being asked, hauled back to his own home and been made to feed and water and treat better than someone like Ziggy deserved. (He'd done so much for Ziggy already, from the moment the Red Sentry Captain had kept him from getting a thrashing by a Yellow Sentry when Ziggy had screwed up one time too many and mouthed off; from the man getting him transferred into Dillon's squadron under supervision from Commander Park with Skull checking in every couple of days; from bailing Ziggy and his friends and ordinary people out of fires

and floods and death holes the cursed spirits of Repulsa found them in too many times to count.)  "Yes?" Skull prompted, pausing to wipe his hands on a wet cloth and wrangle the kettle out of the fire. He poured something that smelled delicious into an adorable little leaf and butterfly embossed teacup on a saucer with two little sticks of shortbread on the side. "I'm fine," Ziggy finally got out as he took the offering, taking a sip of something spicy and warm before trying to continue through the stopping point in his throat, "I've had worse." Skull took a huge swig from his own cup like it was nothing more than a shot and looked directly at the boy he'd made his charge, regardless of whether it was a good idea at the time, "And that last bit is exactly why I know you're not fine." The young man tried, he really tried to contest that, but his eyes were wet now, and Skull raised his hand to stall anything his famous motor mouth could pour out into the air between them. "But you will be."

[96thdayofrage]

As much of White America scrambled to not be the bad guy, the holiday commemorating the last vestiges of legalized slavery came right on time. At the height of protest season, here was an opportunity that seemed primed to absolve America of a piece of its slavery-addled past by embracing the true and final date of full emancipation. News stories gave remedial history lessons in advance of the June 19 celebration, and makeshift festivals sprung up despite having to make numerous pandemic concessions. And then there were the T-shirts.

A year later, not much has changed about the state of Black America. More people are aware of modern activist lingo, so we’re having the same old arguments with more up-to-date language, but the needle hasn’t moved much on any given condition. In fact, the backlash against more education on Black history has largely fallen into two categories for much of White America: doubling down on its erasure, or commodifying it. Magically, the lead-up to the 2021 edition of Juneteenth seems to have done both in equal measure.

The erasure of Juneteenth has been the campaign of choice until last year. You could live almost anywhere in Texas outside of Galveston (where the holiday was born, in 1865) and have never heard of it. Thanks to the spike in activism and White guilt last year, the ignorance platform took a big hit. But since this is America, commodification stepped in like a champ. Businesses have taken the opportunity that Juneteenth affords to present themselves as progressive on race issues, though most don’t just make it a proper day-off kind of holiday. Retail-minded entities have taken the commodification to heart and silk-screened the day onto cotton tops. All commodification isn’t about money, and so festivals all over the country in various states of organization are back on deck, fueled by people seeking to extinguish post-quarantine fatigue and kick off a proper Black-folks summer.

Depending on how and why one celebrates Juneteenth determines how far they lean into the observation over party aspect. For a holiday whose commemorations range from stoic reverence to being called the Black Fourth of July (complete with the requisite fireworks and cookout spreads), there’s a pretty wide spectrum of practice. Many Juneteenth celebrations are less about the end of slavery and more about what has happened to Black people, period, making such affairs just miniature Black History Months.

I asked a friend of mine, Valerie Boyer, a crowned former Miss Juneteenth raised in Galveston, what she thought should happen at a Juneteenth celebration. “I believe that the Emancipation Proclamation should formally be read to begin Juneteenth,” she replied. As an event organizer, this made sense to me, but as someone who used to do workshops breaking down how Lincoln’s order didn’t actually free all of the slaves, I had reservations. She assured me there was a lot of spiritual meat and affirmation in an intentional reading of the document in a context that only Juneteenth can provide.

“When it gets to that ‘whereby henceforth both now shall be and forever remain free,’ folks get weepy. And some folks holler, and some folks just cry, and some folks just don’t know what to do with themselves,” she continued. “I argue that that was my first experience with what we would call today ‘ancestral generation.’ You’re just very clear that you are not there alone.” She also stated that there should be dancing, singing, and food, which means we might be related, and impressed the importance of moments of both joy and stillness throughout.

One of the reasons many of the problems in America persist is that most people don’t have a good grasp on the scale of America itself. When you can’t see the size of the problem, you can’t comprehend the ramifications of allowing that problem to fester. Rather than contend with the legacy of slavery, America has opted for poor navigation. The legend of Juneteenth suggests that America was so vast that news took years to get across it, which is a patently ridiculous notion. As my former Miss Juneteenth friend likes to say, Black folks have always had a rumor mill. News travels fast, whether you like it or not.

In 1860, the Pony Express started delivering mail between Missouri and California. In the year-plus that followed, you could send word between the two states in as little as 10 days. That was two years before the execution of the Emancipation Proclamation. Bottom line: It doesn’t take two years to send an executive order from one end of the country to the halfway mark. There was a lot of collusion at play that prevented word from getting to Galveston in 1865, a denial of change, and thus an erasure of justice.

That is the reality of Juneteenth that we come close to addressing but fall back on the freedom part when the conversation gets too real. The end of slavery could not make it halfway across America’s body for two years, not because the message was slow, but because the message was stopped. We do not have Juneteenth because America doesn’t know how to deliver mail. We have it because parts of America thought if they ground their heels into the dirt, they could stop change. What happened on January 6, 2021, at the U.S. Capitol isn’t a new strategy. It has a lot of precedent, and Juneteenth is evidence of it.

As of this writing, the Senate has passed a bill declaring Juneteenth a federal holiday. It still has to pass through the House before we can start singing the Schoolhouse Rock song about bills. But let’s be clear: There’s a reason why that measure is sailing through Congress and the anti-lynching and reparation bills are stalled out. The Juneteenth bill is the one White folks can (falsely) claim they got right with the least amount of historical baggage. Juneteenth ends slavery. The others just make White people look bad.

There’s a standing criticism from a segment of activist circles that questions the point of Juneteenth. In pointing out the many ways in which liberty still doesn’t fully apply to Black life, such critics suggest that we still aren’t free at all. While I wouldn’t make a strong case against such observations, I’ve never allowed myself to be so militant that I couldn’t recognize a win when I saw one. I may celebrate only for a day or a news cycle or a breath, but to never be able to hold up the resilience of your ancestors is to disrespect them. I may be a pessimist, but I am never dishonorable. We are free with an asterisk. Considering what we’ve come through, that’s worth at least a day off. Ultimately, I care less about what people do to Juneteenth so long as the people and places that know what it’s really about — and those who have bonded with the power and implications of that history — are celebrating it, and unapologetically so.

It’s impossible to keep anything pure in America, even our pains. Of course your job is going to blow it even if they try to celebrate it right. Of course White America will hold up its federalization as evidence that the country is less racist. And yes, someone is going to make a commemorative plate out of it. The selling of Juneteenth is a horse already out of the barn, because commerce is often the balm America uses to soothe its conscience. The question isn’t ever about what the wrong people do with our history and celebrations, but what the right people do with them.

[imaginethatneathuh]

Winter is Beautiful: Technical Boy - American Gods

I had to cut this in half because Tumblr wouldn't let me post it all as one.

Partially inspired by one of @random-imagines-blog Technical Boy posts.

Done for @atomicdetectivehideout‘s December challenge (yes, I know I’m a day late, shut up).

I’m not good at romance.

Fluff.

Word count: 4.4K+

Second Part

You smiled at the trees, barren and lifeless, all except the pines.

The pines were strong and sturdy. That beautiful pine green, even in the dead of winter. A faint hint of brown spiked the otherwise green needles. A sign of Death and Disease knocking on the trees' door.

The faint sound of Winter-ready birds hung in the air. Their song, even compared to the sunset, was something to behold. The rustle of the trees as the birds flew between the branches reminded you of days long past.

You inhaled the cold, country, Winter air. As you breathed out, a puff of smoke spread out. The warmth of your breath soon dissipated as the frozen air overtook it. dissipating. You smiled, satisfied.

The cool, pale yellows, blues, and pinks of the sunset waltzed across the sky. Not even the chilly air, which was sure to get worse, could dissuade you from spending time that night under the stars, especially on a night like tonight.

While the alignment of Jupiter and Saturn was not the main focus, it certainly helped to convince Technical Boy to come along. It was a "Once every 800 years" kind of event. Something that he would never get the chance to see again.

It had taken forever to get the tech god to agree. You hadn't expected anything less. He was him, but you were also you. Both equally stubborn in your own ways.

Speaking of the devil, the young god stood beside you, wrapped in far too many layers.

A beanie donned his head, along with a scarf, gloves, a Winter coat with two sweaters underneath (both of which you hadn’t the chance to see), a pair of jeans, snow pants, and winter boots.

It was beyond excessive in your eyes.

"You don't need all of those, T," you said. "You'll be fine."

He scoffed. Both of his hands wrapped around his upper arms, rubbing them.

"Like Hell," he mumbled teeth chattering.

How he could still be cold with all those layers was a mystery to you.

A blanket hung over your shoulder as you looked back at him.

"Let's just go."

"Home?" He asked, perking up a little.

"No, to the meadow."

Technical Boy groaned as he walked after you stiffly, following as closely behind as he could. The thick snow pants on top of jeans were hard to walk with.

Sure, the snow was a little high, but no higher than it usually was here around the Solstice.

A part of you wanted to grab his hand, just to hold it, but you thought better of it.

It wouldn’t be like it was the first time you’d held hands. The two of you had done it a thousand times. Okay, maybe that’s an over-exaggeration, but the point still remains; it wasn’t a big deal. Well, it shouldn’t be a big deal.

So, why not just take his hand?

Maybe because in the last few months, how you felt about him changed. When he smiled at you; or even just looked in your direction, it was like the world stopped moving. Your heart raced when he touched you. At times, you thought he could hear your heart pounding in your chest, especially when the two of you would lie together and cuddle. When he’d ‘Hmm?’ when you said something to him, your heart would turn to goop.  When he joked with you, you laughed harder than usual. Even just being around him made you feel this warmth deep inside. This feeling of being known without thinking he’d shame you for anything. It was slightly addicting but in a good way.

And as much as there had been a change in you, maybe there had been a slight change in him, too. Sometimes, when you stayed over at his place, he’d offer you his clothes if you wanted to take a shower. That way you wouldn’t have to wear dirty clothes after getting clean. That’s the excuse he always used anyway. There were times when he stayed at your place where he’d get all nervous about sleeping in the same bed together, even though you’d done it before, and he hadn’t had a problem then. He showed you affection and kindness and rarely said anything bad or rude about/to your family. He was kinder and sweeter now, less of a cat, more of a dog.

You also noticed things about him that you hadn’t before. Like the way he’d look at you with that big, goofy, adorable smile and how his eyes would shine brighter than the sun, the moon, and all of the stars when he saw you. Or how any time he hugged you, he would nuzzle into your neck and hang on for a little longer than most people. There were the times when Technical Boy would get hyper-focused on something and zone out. He looked adorable every time.

But there were also things you think you looked too much into. Like the little surprise visits and gifts he gave felt like more than what a friend would do. Before, you’d never noticed how much he’d look at you or how much more playful he was around you than most people. Of course, you’d never let yourself hope for more. He was a god, after all.

•

The two of you trudged through the snow as the sun set ahead of you. The pale colours of the evening gave way to the rich, dark blue of the night. Stars twinkling like diamonds suspended high in the sky.

For a moment, you thought you'd have to start pulling Technical Boy along. Thankfully, he kept up, even with all the layers.

"I was not built for the cold, Y/N,” he said.

You forged ahead. Trying (and failing) to suppress a smile, you looked behind you before turning back front.

"You're not used to the cold, that's all."

He whimpered, dashing to get back to your side. It was warmer than when he was by himself.

"How 'bout we just go back, yeah? Go back to the cabin? Where it's warm."

Stopping in the snow, letting it soak into your jeans, you faced him.

"If it bothers you that much, you can go back, but I'm not."

You didn't want him to go. He was the reason you wanted to come out here tonight in the first place. It wouldn't be right without him. Besides, two bodies are warmer than one.

Technical Boy looked between the warmth of the cabin that he so badly craved and you, the reason he was willingly out here, freezing his arse off.

Eventually, he chose to follow you, stepping to your side.

The snow flew up with every step. Some of it was packed beneath his boots, other bits stuck on them, but at least he wasn’t being drenched by it.

•

As you got to a fenced-in field, a smile spread across your face.

It was almost entirely dark now. The last vestiges of light from the sun were blinking out, disappearing behind the horizon. The stars and the half-moon became your only guide.

You giggled and looked behind you, still smiling widely.

"Come on," you said, offering your hand to Technical Boy.

He stayed where he was, a worried look on his face.

Your hand fell as you sighed.

"Really, T?"

The god shuffled backwards.

The low, barbed-wire fencing stood between you and your favourite place in the world. Besides maybe with Technical Boy.

Near an old, what you assumed to be, power box lay a dip in the fencing. The fencing had been bent and broken years ago, long before you ever came to the meadow.

Using one of the old, wooden posts the wire was wrapped around, you hopped over.

Breathing deeply, you face away from the dirt road and to the pure, untouched snow of the pasture. Your eyes closed as the wind whipped by.

Technical Boy whined behind you, reminding you of a puppy who wanted attention.

You turned to face him, a renewed light inside you.

"Come on, don't be a wuss," you said. "It's just a fence."

He looked at the fencing, then at you, bouncing side to side.

"Fine, be a wuss, but I'm going to enjoy the pasture."

You twisted back to the snowy, rolling hills far away.

"I'm not a wuss," he said.

You looked over your shoulder with a smirk and said, "Prove it then."

Technical Boy, scowling, glared at the fencing and stepped forward.

“Do we really have to do this? I mean, it’s fucking freezing out here. Not to mention, it’s really stupid. There are apps made for stargazing for crying out loud! We can stargaze where it’s warm, believe it or not,” he complained.

While his point about the apps was fair, the app could never capture the beauty of watching the stars with the naked eye.

"T," you tease in a singsong voice.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming." Technical Boy gripped the post you did when you hopped over. "Don't rush me."

"The sun has already set. We don't have time for this."

That wasn’t true. The stars would be there for hours to come, but you had to get him moving somehow.

With another small whine and some mental encouragement, the god hopped over. Now on the same side as you, he backed away from the fence, facing it.

He turned to you lethargically like he was bored, and glared at you.

“Great, I’m over here. Now what?”

Unable to resist, you snickered.

“What?”

You shrugged.

“Nothing, you just sound really fucking bored. I can’t combine that with the shivering you. It just doesn’t work in my head.”

He rolled his eyes and walked toward you.

“Whatever,” he said before rubbing his hands together and breathing into them.

You wiped your freezing nose with your equally cold hand, sniffing.

Eyebrows furrowed, Technical Boy took off one of his gloves and pressed a hand to your cheek.

You tried to bat it away, but he ignored it.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, you're freezing," he worries. "Why didn't you say anything?"

You pushed him away slightly, his hands drifting to your upper arms.

"It's nothing I haven't handled before."

"Come here," he said.

He shed his coat and wrapped it around your shoulders. Taking his scarf off, he coiled it around your neck, tucking it over your nose sweetly. You giggled as he moved his hands to grasp yours.

"You feel like ice," he comments.

You shook your head, a smile plastered on your face.

"I'm fine, T. Let's just enjoy the night."

"What if you get sick!"

You sighed.

"I'm not going to get sick."

"That's what they all say," he said, pulling you close. "But then starts the sniffling and the coughing and sneezing. Not to mention the fever!"

You laughed at him. Pushing away, you took off and wrapped the scarf back around Technical Boy's neck. You glanced down to hide your giggles, but you’re greeted by a peculiar sight.

Covering your mouth, you stared at his chest.

He looked down at his sweater.

"What?"

"I can't believe you're wearing that."

He pulled it down, pouting.

"Your mother gave it to me. Plus, it's also almost Christmas. I thought it was festive."

You burst out laughing.

The ugly Rudolph the Reindeer sweater looked so stupid on him, you just couldn't help it.

"Y/N, don't be mean. I'm sure it took her forever to find one this ugly."

You kept laughing and pulled him into a hug, burying your head into his neck.

"I love you, you dumbass," you said, pushing away.

He smiled at you.

"I love you, too."

It may have been from the cold and wind, but you could have sworn there was a hint of pink on his cheeks.

You handed him back his coat.

"No, Y/N, you need it."

Instead of taking no for an answer, you tossed it onto his face.

As it fell off, Technical Boy caught it and gave you a look. The "done with your bullshit" look he often gave.

You just smiled over your shoulder and laid down the blanket over the snow.

•

The two of you stared up at the sky. For the first time since you managed to pull Technical Boy out here, it was quiet. Save for the wind rustling the branches and the coyotes howling far off in the distance. Some might be afraid of them, but not you. They were comforting. Familiar really.

Taking a deep breath, you could smell the clean snow. It was like water but cooler. As you'd expect from ice.

So enraptured by the peace, you hadn't noticed Tech staring at you with one of those rare, soft smiles on his face.

"Why'd you bring me out here," he asked.

Breaking from the serenity, you turned to look at him. His face fairer than usual because of the light reflecting off the snow from the half-moon.

"I wanted to stargaze with you."

Technical Boy nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer. Keyword is "seemingly".

"Okay," he said, turning back to the sky, a pink hint to his cold cheeks. "But you never bring anyone out here. Not home, not to the cabin, and definitely not here. You only ever talk about this place like it’s a far-off memory. You don't even take the animals out here."

You sighed.

The stars glittered with the glowing moon.

"It's my quiet place," you said. "Where I go when I'm not really there. When all else fails, I can always come here." Looking at the sky, you smiled. "It's the most important place in the world to me. I guess, I just wanted to share that with you." You looked down and rubbed your arm.

Technical Boy let a smile spread across his face.

Cupping your cheek, he guided you to face him.

"Thank you, Y/N," he said. "I mean it."

You smiled back.

Technical Boy wrapped an arm around you and laid his head on your shoulder.

You watched the stars, Jupiter and Saturn's alignment shining amongst them.

[lockefanfic]

Business Trip - Part 2

 “You’re wrong! Cloud clearly felt stronger feelings towards Tifa.”

 “No, you’re the one that’s wrong. Did you know Aerith was the default choice for the date scene? And what about the fact that Cloud and Aerith are in Final Fantasy Tactics and Kingdom Hearts together? If you still think Cloud belonged with Tifa, you’re crazy.”

 As if to emphasize her point, Minatozaki Sana makes a cute pouty gesture with her lower lip before downing the rest of her glass of beer. It was relatively noisy in the busy izakaya you were both having dinner in, but Sana’s voice still had no problems drowning out all the other voices around you; apparently, the love lives of fictional characters was a passionate subject for her.

 “Okay, okay, you win. I guess maybe Cloud was meant to be with Aerith.”

 “That’s right!” she says in her charming, mildly accented English, “I can be very aggressive.”

 “Aggressive? You mean, persuasive.”

 “Yes, that’s the word. Persuasive. But I’m also aggressive.”

 “Really?” you ask, allowing a little flirtatiousness to your tone.

 “Really,” she replies, a small smile forming on the corners of her lips, returning the flirtation with some of her own. She lets the word linger in the silence between you for a second, before her smile widens, the cuteness returns with a giggle, and she reaches for another chicken yakitori.

It’s been quite the busy afternoon, and Sana has proven quite the capable tour guide, taking you to all the major tourist destinations in town as well as a few lesser known ones. You quite enjoyed the hours you spent in Akihabara, watching as Sana hunted down an apparently elusive figurine of a Final Fantasy character and picked up copies of her favorite mangas from three different bookstores.

 The afternoon with her made it obvious that most of her charm came from the innocent naivete that pervaded every part of her personality. Her accented English perhaps played a large part in that charm, but there was no denying that she was also ridiculously beautiful, with large, expressive eyes and a round face with cute, small features. She had a fit body to match - not quite as fit as Momo’s, mind you, as Sana’s was more shapely and feminine; however, it was mostly her innocence and that cute, sweet face that attracted you to her.

 But she also had a playful, flirtatious side - an innocent “accidental” touch or graze here or there, a soft pat on on the forearm whenever you made a joke, her suggestive jokes whenever you encountered something lewd or sexual in your journies throughout Tokyo (the incidences of which were surprisingly common).

 It was refreshing, in a way, to spend time with a woman who was in many ways the exact opposite of Hirai Momo. Where Momo was upfront about her intentions and confident in her sexuality, Sana was shy and playful; she liked to flirt, apparently, although she did so in a less overtly obvious way than Momo did.

 “So where else did you want to go this week?” Sana says as she chews on her yakitori stick, “Perhaps we should go to Ginza or Roppongi with Momo? I know a few nice izakayas there.”

 “Sure, that’d be nice,” you reply, “I’m getting kind of tired, though. It’s been a long day. My feet are killing me!” You enjoyed every minute of Sana’s whirlwind tour of Tokyo, but all the walking, not to mention your activities with Momo that morning, had worn you out.

 Sana giggles, her giggle a musical sound amidst the loudness of the izakaya, before nodding in understanding. A waitress happens to be passing by, and she flags her down to request the bill. You reach for the bill when the waitress returns with it, but Sana snatches it away.

 “This is my treat! Now you’re debted to me,” she says with a smile that is mostly cuteness on the outside, and a hint of suggestiveness. You smile back, both at the suggestiveness of her comment and at the fact that she used the phrase “debted to me” instead of something more casual, like “you owe me.” Either way, you found it charming.

 You both gather your things (consisting mainly of Sana’s shopping bags filled with geeky sundries) and head to the door. Once Sana has paid and you are both outside, you pull out your phone to map your way back to the hotel, only to find that the battery has died.

 “Dammit, my phone’s dead,” you say dejectedly, “can you tell me which stations I need to get to to get back to the hotel?”

 “Oh, darn,” she says, and you find her use of the word darn intensely endearing, “well, I have a battery pack at my apartment and it’s only three stops from here, if you want to borrow it?”

 The idea of getting lost in a foreign city without a working phone to guide you back to your hotel is daunting, so you decide to take her up on her offer.

 “Sure,” you say, “lead the way!” Sana smiles brightly at your response before you head towards the nearest subway station side by side.

 ---

 Apparently, being an interpreter for a large international business paid well enough to afford a pretty swanky apartment in downtown Tokyo. Sana’s residence was small, as most apartments in Tokyo tended to be, but it was modern, well-designed, and filled with a ton of geeky anime and video game related collectibles.

 You had expected her to dart into her apartment to pick up the battery pack while you waited at the door, but she insisted that you check out the view from her window, which apparently was spectacular - and it really was. Looking out over the bustling Shinjuku district, Tokyo appeared as a dazzling array of moving and blinking lights, stretching out over what seemed to be an impossibly long distance. Nightfall had just begun to creep over the city, and the last vestiges of the daylight began to disappear into the distant horizon.

 “Pretty, yes?” Sana asks as she stands next to you.

 “Definitely,” you agree, although much of your attention was devoted to admiring Sana’s reflection in the window, “it’s gorgeous.”

 You notice Sana’s smile grow wider in the window reflection.

 “I have a question,” she asks, her tone shy and demure.

 “Yes?.”

 “You and HIrai-san… or, Momo. Are you... sleeping together?”

 The question catches you off guard, but you nonetheless respond with a smile.

 “Was it that obvious?”

 “No,” Sana says, “but girls have ways of knowing.”

 “Are you disappointed?” You wonder if perhaps your relationship with Momo, as purely platonic as it was, had ruined any shot you had with Sana. Even worse, you wonder if perhaps she thought less of you for sleeping with a woman you weren’t in any sort of romantic relationship with.

 “No, no,” she replied, waving her hand in front of her in that cute gesture Japanese girls do, “Not at all. Hirai-san is very beautiful. I can see how you can be attracted to her.” You notice that she has has reverted to calling Momo “Hirai-san” - perhaps it is instinctual.

 “We’re just friends,” you say, eager to set the record straight, “nothing more. We just get lonely on business trips, I guess,” you add, in a lame attempt to justify yourself - the second the words leave your mouth you wonder if perhaps you shouldn’t have said them.

 “No, I understand, you don’t have to explain,” says the young woman next to you, “it happens.”

 A moment of silence passes between you, both pairs of eyes searching the Tokyo skyline for something to say, hoping to find some new conversation starter amongst the flashing lights and tall buildings.

 “Even though you’re just friends, do you have feelings for Hirai-san?”

 “No,” you answer, surprising yourself with how quickly the words came, “not right now, anyway. We’re just friends, and that’s all.”

 Sana nods.

 “Did you like what you’ve seen of Tokyo?” she asks.

 “Definitely,” you answer, “it was amazing. I can’t wait to see more of it.”

 “I’ll show you whatever you want to see.”

 As Sana says those words she turns to you with a bright smile. You are struck in that moment by how beautiful she looks, the neon blues and greens of Tokyo’s evening lights playing on one side of her face whilst her apartment’s lights paint the other side of it in warm yellow. It is almost surreal; her face looks like it was drawn by a painter.

 What she does next surprises you - swiftly, gracefully, she moves so that she is between you and the window, her back against the glass, your view suddenly filled with her warm, beautiful face. Her proximity makes you fully aware of everything about her - her gorgeous face, the way her one-piece sweater dress hugs the soft, feminine curves of her body, the slight hint of perfume she is wearing. You harbor strong, perhaps undefined feelings for Momo, but the young woman standing in front of you presents such a strong contrast to her. Both are wonderful young women that any man would be pleased to have any sort of relationship with; but each are wonderful in their own, different way.

 It dawns on you that her inquiries about Momo earlier were just to ensure that she wasn’t getting in the way of anything; now that she was sure you were merely friends, she could make her move. It was a small gesture, but one that you respected.

 She stands still for a moment, allowing you a moment to adjust to her sudden closeness. Then she looks up at you with those eyes - those large, round, impossibly deep eyes - and after holding your gaze for a moment she raises her head so that your noses touch. She lingers there for a split second - although it seemed like forever - and then suddenly you are both kissing, your lips crashing together as the romantic and sexual tension that has been building up all afternoon between you is finally released.

 Her arms wrap themselves around your neck and yours wrap around her slim waist, your arms fully aware of the relative thinness of her grey sweater dress, happy to find that she is likely not wearing anything aside from her underwear beneath it. As your hands wander around her back her tongue enters your mouth in a move you weren’t quite ready for. You remember her statement from earlier about how she could be aggressive - she certainly was.

 Minutes pass as you explore each others’ mouths, relishing the newfound intimacy with another human being that Sana has initiated. You are content to stand there, making out with her against the glass of her apartment window, but clearly that is not all she has in mind. You feel her fingers working your belt, and within seconds she has your pants loosened.

 You suddenly realize what that means - what she has in mind for the evening. The girl didn’t waste any time. She breaks the kiss and looks you straight in the eye.

 “Keep admiring the view,” she says, a devilish look in those eyes that seconds before you had thought were so innocent.

 With that, Sana lowers herself to her knees, hooking her fingers into your pants and dragging them down with her. From this position on her knees, she was below the windowsill, and thus no one looking into her apartment could know she was there. Sana tugs your pants down your legs and you kick them free.

 Seconds later your boxers follow suit, and before you knew it your manhood has sprung free. Sana wastes no time in grasping your mostly hard shaft with her soft, delicate fingers, while her nose - her cute, button nose - brushes up against its base. Then her small tongue darts out quickly, placing small, wet licks up your shaft until she reaches your tip - and at this point, you are hard as a rock. Satisfied that you are fully erect, she pumps your shaft a few times with her soft hand, before pulling it down slightly and taking it into her warm mouth.

 No straight male in the world could have possibly kept their eyes off that sight, and so despite her insistence that you keep admiring Tokyo’s skyline, your find yourself looking down at the young Japanese girl kneeling in front of you with your shaft in her mouth. Sana giggles softly as she looks up and sees that you have failed in the task she has given you.

 “You’ve failed the mission,” she says with a giggle.

 “Oh no. Do I get punished?”

 “No punishment,” she says, eyes still locked with yours, her hand giving you two quick strokes that send shivers of pleasure up your spine, “only pleasure.”

 With that, she takes your cock back into her mouth and continues her blowjob. As she takes your shaft in and out of her small, warm, wet mouth, you force yourself to stare out the window, and even you can’t help but be hit by the ridiculous naughtiness of the situation - there you were, standing at an apartment window in downtown Tokyo, getting a blowjob from a beautiful young woman you had met the day before (and someone you technically worked with, at that) - and no one looking up at you from the street could have known.

 Added to this was the fact that just minutes before, you had Sana pegged as an innocent, naive young woman - and now she was on her knees in front of you, taking your length in and out of her mouth.

 Momo gave amazing head, but Sana was no slouch either, using her grip on your shaft and working her fingers in a corkscrew motion as she pumped them up and down along your length, her mouth focused on taking only your head and the first inch or two into her mouth at a time, her tongue playing circular patterns on the very tip.

 Your gaze returns to watch Sana’s head bobbing up and down your cock, and while you were never one to turn down a blowjob (particularly one in such erotic circumstances as this), you also knew that she deserved just as much pleasure as you did.

 “Stop, Sana,” you say, bringing your hands to her cheeks and slowly easing her off your cock. She lets the head pop out of her mouth, and the look of her large, round eyes looking up at you in surprise arouses you to no end.

 “It’s your turn to look out the window,” you say, and you pull her up by her shoulders until she is standing up again. Before she has time to say anything, you have switched positions so that she is now facing out the window - and you are down on your knees in front of her.

 You waste no time - why should you, when she certainly didn’t? You quickly bring both of your hands up and draw the hem of her tight, short sweater dress up until it is bunched around her hips, revealing the simple pink thong she is wearing beneath. There is a small, pink bow on the front of the garment’s waistline, which you find cute - but even more alluring is the significant damp spot between her slightly spread thighs. You bring both of your hands to her warm, full ass cheeks, taking a moment to admire their firmness, before hooking your fingers into the waistband of her thong and pulling them down.

 The second her underwear hits the floor your mouth moves forward, and your tongue darts out, giving her a long, deep lick, burying your nose and mouth as far between her thighs as it would go given her standing position. Your reward is a loud, startling gasp of pleasure that escapes Sana’s lips, and as she takes a moment to compose herself, you savor her sweet, slightly tangy taste on your tongue. You look up to watch her quivering face as she struggles with every ounce of self control to keep her gaze outside her window, her beautiful features wracked with pleasure. Anyone glancing up at her window from the street would probably only notice her silhouette, not realizing there was a man pleasuring her at that very moment with his tongue.

 Before going in for a second lick, you bring the middle finger of your right hand up and drag it up her slit before digging slightly between her lips, playing around her entrance, her abundant juices lubricating your digit easily. As your finger teases her entrance you return your mouth to her crotch, your tongue darting out, spending long seconds teasing her, playing with her warm, wet flesh, before you find what you are looking for - that warm, hard, small nub that is the centre of her pleasure.

 When you find it, you immediately penetrate her simultaneously with your middle finger - and the effect is immediate, to say the least, as Sana’s hips quiver sharply and a wordless gasp of pleasure escapes her lips. You are merciless, and this time you don’t give her time to recover as you continue, your tongue weaving random circular patterns around her clit whilst your finger pumps in and out of her drenched slit, curving slightly to scratch that rough, wavy patch at the front of her pussy.

 “Fuck!” Sana gasps, the English swear word being the first recognizable word that you can make out amidst a stream of syllables that might have been Japanese, “Fuck! It feels so good!”

 You take that to mean that you’re doing it right, and after a couple of minutes of steadily increasing pressure, you take a moment to introduce a second finger into her pussy as your index finger joins the one already inside her body. Almost immediately Sana’s pussy tightens around your questing fingers, and in a moment of pure pleasure, she cums.

 “Oh! Fuck!!”

 Her hands find your head, and her nails dig almost painfully into your skull as she finds release, her body shaking and quivering as the waves of pleasure finally break and overwhelm the young woman, her legs threatening to give out beneath her. Your tongue darts out and continues to give her clit soft, wide licks, flattening your tongue against the part of her pussy that is left exposed, savoring the increase of delicious juice flowing from her body.

 Eventually the aftershocks cease. You look up at Sana to find her her round, beautiful face flushed with pleasure, her once tidy and neat hair now sweaty and unkempt, strands of black and purple hair plastered against her cheeks. You try to remove your fingers from her body, but her tightness won’t let you.

 “Let me go,” you say with a smile, and Sana giggles at the ridiculousness of your demand. The smile is still on her lips as you are finally able to remove your fingers from her body, your fingers drenched in her slick juices. She lowers herself until you are both sitting on the floor, your back up against the wall as she sits in your lap. She dives in for a kiss that is full of desire and lust, evidently uncaring that her juices are still in your mouth.

 “I’ll do whatever you want,” she says, tearing her lips from yours for a second before kissing a path to your left ear, “You can do whatever you want to me. Just fuck me.”

 The aggressiveness of this girl continues to surprise you, and you take a moment to draw the moment out, teasing her with feigned indecisiveness as she plants soft kisses on your neck and ear. You savor the moment - here you were, sitting on the floor of an apartment in downtown Tokyo, with a gorgeous young woman in your lap that was willing to do whatever you wanted, her dripping pussy rubbing your hard shaft even as her juices stained your lips and fingers.

 The possibilities cycle in a split-second across your mind, although you realize that there was no need to do anything too crazy - it was best to start with the basics.

 “Take your clothes off,” you tell her.

 Sana’s response is to reach down and grasp the hem of her sweater before pulling up and over her head, tossing it aside. She was not as well endowed as Momo was, but her round breasts are well shaped and perfectly proportioned to her body, held in place and pushed up deliciously by a simple pink bra that happened to have a pink bow at the front that matched her thong.

 Patience, apparently, was not a word that was in Minatozaki Sana’s vocabulary, and almost as immediately as she as able she reaches behind her to undo her bra clasp, before pulling it forward and throwing it away. Her soft breasts sway slightly, newly freed from their lace prison, and Sana leans forward, allowing you access to her chest.

 Her breasts are on the smaller side but no less alluring, and as the warm flesh dangles deliciously in front of your face, you bring both hands up, cupping them both from the side and allowing your thumbs to reach up and play with her quickly hardening nipples. Sana lets a soft moan escape her lips, and at that sound you lean your head forward and take her left nipple in your mouth, your tongue happy to taste another part of this young woman’s flesh, swirling around the hardened tip in random patterns. The Japanese girl leans her head back and moans as you continue to suckle her breast, your other hand taking her right nipple between a thumb and index finger and teasing it similarly. A deep, wordless growl of pleasure torn from Sana’s throat is your reward, and you are acutely aware of the wetness between her thighs pressing against your crotch, as she rubs and grinds herself onto your erect cock.

 Seconds, minutes, maybe hours pass while you play with Sana’s chest - you cared little for how much time passes while you enjoy a young woman’s body. But eventually you tear yourself away from her chest and look straight into her eyes.

 “Ride my dick,” you say, and Sana returns your statement with a look that is full of lust. Gone is the innocent; naive girl you thought she was - now there was only lust, and passion, and desire written all over her face and body.

 Reaching between your bodies - which are at this point hot and covered with a film of sweat - she takes your cock with gentle fingers and aims it for her entrance, still drenched with her sweet juices. She allows the head to penetrate her, rotating her hips whilst it is just inside her lips - the teasing is wonderful and sends soft pleasure radiating from your body, but as you have realized, when it came to sex, Minatozaki Sana had little patience when it came to sexual matters.

 All at once, she thrusts her hips down, taking you into her body. Both of you gasp loudly, and you find yourself realizing again that no possible other sensation on earth could possibly equal the pleasure of first penetration. Every woman you have ever entered has felt different, and Sana is no exception - she was ridiculously tight, the outer muscles of her pussy squeezing every inch of your cock deliciously as you enter her.

 Sana takes a brief moment with you fully impaled inside her, perhaps allowing herself to become accustomed to your size. Before long, she is raising her hips, drawing your cock out of her body, and as soon as only the head remains inside, she is sliding down your shaft again.

 Her pussy feels amazing around your cock, and while Momo’s was soft and wet, she was not nearly as tight as Sana, whose insides constantly felt like a hot vice of moist silk pressing against every bit of your shaft as it entered and exited her body. She was probably the tightest you had ever had.

 “Fuck!” Sana exclaims as she continues to bounce up and down, grinding herself against your crotch, “It feels so good… fuck… you’re so big! Ahhh!”

 You take a moment to savor the sight and feel of her body bouncing up and down on your lap, her soft breasts bouncing freely, her thin arms bracing her weight against your chest and shoulders. Momo’s body was in amazing shape, more like a supermodel or an athlete - Sana was no slouch and was also fit, but she was slightly softer, with more feminine curves and more meat on her bones in general. You found yourself admiring her round, full thighs and the way they slammed against yours as they flex up and down with effort, raising and lowering her body in an attempt to drive you as deep as she could inside her.

 Her long, graceful neck is extended as she throws her head back and allows a long moan to escape her lips, followed by a mixture of Japanese and English syllables as she continues to impale herself again and again on your shaft, every muscle in her body working towards the pursuit of pleasure. There was something intensely intoxicating about watching a young girl who was so demure, so feminine in public, become such a fiercely passionate woman in the throes of lust. She was not slutty, nor was she overly fierce or aggressive - she was merely a young woman who knew what she wanted with sex, and she wasted no time in getting it.

 “Fuck! Your cock… feels so good inside me. You like… you like my pussy?”

 “Fuck yes,” you answer, your brain barely able to form the words amidst all the pleasure. The way her accent tinges the words ‘fuck’ and ‘pussy’ makes them infinitely sexier.

 Her tightness is almost overwhelming, her pussy’s grip around your cock intoxicating. You want her to ride you until you cum, want to pull her hips down into yours and drive yourself as deep into her body as you can before you spill into her...but you also have another idea in mind - revenge.

 “Stop, Sana,” and again Sana’s flushed, pleasure wracked face is surprised at your command. You hesitantly, slowly push her off until your cock pops out of her grasping pussy with a pop that is accompanied with a sigh of dismay from the young woman. You take a moment while she is sitting on the floor to quickly pull your sweater up and over your head, so you are both finally fully naked.

 You bring yourself to your knees, then to your feet, and taking her hands, you pull her up as well so that she is standing - but then you turn her around, and push slightly on her back so that she is leaning her hands against the windowsill and bent over, her round ass in the air - then, wasting as little time as possible, you grasp your slick, wet cock with one hand and penetrate her from behind.

 “Fuck!” Sana says, the word almost a shout, as you begin to fuck her against the window, obvious for anyone to see were they to peer into the window of her apartment - not that either of you gave a damn about that aside from that fact that it added another layer of raunchiness to your fucking.

 “Tokyo… is… gorgeous,” you say between thrusts into her pussy, driving home the naughtiness of the situation and getting a little revenge for her earlier teasing.

 A stream of passionate, lustful sounds erupts from the young woman’s throat. Some of it sounded vaguely Japanese.

 “Shut up and fuck me,” she says - there was no misunderstanding that.

 She felt even tighter in this position, as if such a thing were possible. You watch as each thrust into her round ass rocks her body, sending a shock through her full thighs and through her slim, graceful back and her thin arms. She had a little more meat on her lower body than Momo did and you appreciated the sight of every thrust jiggling the soft flesh of her thighs and ass.

 “Fuck! Fuck me! Just like that… You’re so deep!”

 Sana throws her head back, sending strands of black and purple hair flying. You grip her waist tightly, pulling her back towards you as you thrust forward, in an attempt to somehow get deeper into her tight, willing, wet body, making every effort to fuck her even a fraction of an inch deeper than you already were, that delicious friction between your bodies overwhelming every part of your brain.

 The thrill of it all - the fact that you had each gone down on each other while facing the window, the fact that you were now straight up fucking this girl for anyone looking up at the window to see - it was starting to drive you towards that point of no return. The thrill, the audacity of the action is one thing, but there was no denying that Sana’s tight, grasping pussy was the main driving force towards your impending orgasm.

 Before it came, though, you had to make sure she was safe.

 “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, Sana. Where.. Can I...”

 “I’m… I’m gonna cum too,” she says, the words barely discernable amidst the stream of moans and soft noises of pleasure that are escaping her mouth, “I’m… I’m cumming!”

 Sana writhes suddenly in a way that she hasn’t before as the pleasure suddenly erupts in an orgasm that she would later tell you took her completely by surprise, her pussy contracting and releasing in pulses around your still thrusting shaft. It is almost unbearable, and whereas before you were merely close to orgasm, the feel of her pussy now meant you were mere moments away.

 “Sana… I’m so close. Where…”

 “Inside! I want it inside!” she says, her answer almost a shout, “Cum with me. Please! Cum inside me!”

 That was all you needed to know, and you willingly threw yourself into the pursuit of orgasm as you thrust deeper and deeper into Sana’s pussy, driving her quivering body forward against the window. Her hands search for something, anything to grasp, both of your bodies orgasming at near the same time, both of you reaching that wonderful plateau together.

 In a split second it hits you all at once - the fact that you were fucking her in front of an open window, the soft, wetness of her body, the moans of desire that spill unbidden from the young woman’s lips as you drive in and out of her wonderfully tight pussy as she is locked in the throes of orgasm - and you join her as you cum as well.

 You grip her hips tightly as with one last stroke you drive yourself as deep as you can go inside Minatozaki Sana’s body. Warm, hot semen erupts from your cock and into the welcoming depths of her pussy, and with each spurt you give short, quick thrusts to elongate and multiply the pleasure that flows outward from your crotch like a tidal wave.

 Time loses all meaning - you would have stayed there for a year if you could have, buried deep inside her body, but eventually your strength and hers gives out, and you both fall to your knees on the floor. Through some miracle (perhaps it is the tightness of her pussy not wanting to let you go), you maintain your connection, and as you both hit the floor you remain deep inside her.

 There are no words spoken, and every effort is given to heavy breathing and recovery from the intense session. You admire the sight of Sana bent over, one hand still gripping the edge of the windowsill above her head as though she were afraid to let go of it. The rest of her is slumped and bent over in front of you, her black and purple hair hiding her face. The most alluring sight of all is her back and full, round ass, between which your cock was still impaling her pussy, her lips tight around your softening shaft as though unwilling and unable to let it go.

 “Let me go,” you say finally between heavy breaths, and Sana giggles in response despite her fatigue. Eventually your cock softens enough that you are able to withdraw it, and seconds after you remove it you are delighted to see a thin stream of thick white liquid appear and begin to flow down her full, flushed thighs.

 “That was… that was…” Sana begins, and you could see that she is searching for the right English words in her head, “fucking amazing.”

 It’s your turn to let out a small laugh. Sana finally falls onto her side on the floor, and you join her, propping yourself up on your left arm so you are facing her, your right hand palming and massaging her butt. You brush her hair away from her sweaty brow to reveal the same cute, lovely face of the afternoon’s tour guide, but flushed and painted with the afterglow of sex.

 You lean down for a kiss that is less passionate, and more emotional. When you break your kiss you notice the soft smile on Sana’s lips.

 “I can’t believe we did that,” Sana says, “anyone could have seen you fucking me.”

 “I guess so,” you say with a shrug.

 “Whatever,” Sana says, “it was fucking hot.”

 You both share a smile.

 “Sana… this was… just sex, right?”

 “Of course,” she answers quickly, “it was just sex. Fucking amazing sex.”

 You are thankful that she sees it the same way - for a moment you are afraid that perhaps she had thought differently. She was a wonderful, gorgeous girl inside and out, but the fact of the matter was you had little to tie you together except for a single afternoon in a foreign land - and the fact that you technically worked for the same company.

 You cursed the fact that you lived on opposite sides of the planet, and wonder what would have happened had you met her on the sidewalk back home.

 But nonetheless you are happy your paths have crossed, if even for a day - and she did promise to see more of you in the five days you had left before you went back home. And at the very least, you had a new friend in Tokyo whenever your business trips led you there.

 “I should clean up,” Sana says, interrupting your reverie, “you were like a fire hydrant.”

 You laugh as Sana finally gets up on shaky legs, and admire her small, thin form as she gets up and walks towards the bathroom. When Momo did the same after your sessions in the morning you found your eyes glued to her ass - strangely, your eyes are only watching the back of her head as Sana walks away, cursing the fact that such a wonderful young woman lived so far away from you.

 ---

 “I guess this is what you came for,” Sana says as she presses the small battery pack into your hand. You smile as you plug your phone into it and slip both items into your jacket. You are at her apartment door, and about to head out back to the hotel.

 You had both spent a few minutes recovering, sitting on her kitchen table and sharing a random assortment of Japanese snacks she had lying around, even making a game of it where she would place a random snack in your mouth and you had to guess what the ingredients were. It was made even more difficult by the fact that Sana was wearing what was probably the most distracting t-shirt in the world, a pale blue, thin cotton shirt with a frog on it that was low-cut enough to reveal some delicious cleavage and barely, just barely covered her nether regions. If she were to lift her arms, it would raise the shirt and expose herself - she clearly knew what she was doing when she chose that shirt to put on.

 Alluring t-shirts aside, it was getting late, and as much as you would have gladly spent the night there, you knew it would probably be best if you headed back to the hotel.

 Sana is watching as you slip your shoes back on. You turn to her once you are ready to go.

 “So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 “Yes!” Sana says, her face bright with enthusiasm, “we can go see that giant Gundam. And we can go to Tokyo Skytree! The view from the top is amazing.”

 “I don’t think it would be as good as it is here,” you say suggestively.

 “Maybe we can make it better,” Sana retorts, a naughty, teasing look in her eyes. How was it possible for a girl to look so innocent and so racy at the same time?

 “Good night, Minatozaki Sana,” you say finally.

 “Oyasumi,” she answers, her voice soft and barely above a whisper.

 As she gives you a short bow, she lifts her head and looks straight into your eyes, and for the second time you find yourself cursing the fact that she lived thousands of miles away. You wonder what might have been had she, or you, simply been born in the same city.

 These thoughts give you a sort of sudden sadness, and you turn to make your way back to the hotel. As you step out the door, you feel her catch your upper arm with her hand. Before you can turn fully, she reaches up and plants a kiss on your cheek, before giving you a smile, her cheeks flushed red with emotion. You smile back at her sweet, lovely face, before you finally step out her door and take the first steps to the nearest subway station.

 Ten minutes later, you are sitting in the subway when your phone vibrates. Pulling it out of your jacket (along with Sana’s battery pack), you read the text you have received.

 MinatozakiSana says: Do you know what the Japanese phrase "3P" means?

 You take a moment to ponder the term, but it doesn’t ring any bells. You reply to Sana’s text and tell her that you are unfamiliar with it.

 MinatozakiSana says: Hehehe. ^^ Good night. <3

 You are puzzled by what it could possibly mean, and so you turn to your good friend Google for the answers. Your Google-fu is strong, and within minutes you know what 3P means - it is right there in front of you in black and white, on the screen of your phone:

 “3P is a popular Japanese term for a threesome.”

 You smile to yourself as you get off the subway and head towards your hotel. You hoped Momo were still awake, as you had much to discuss.

[granny-griffin]

⭐!

so apparently the thing I was dying to talk about was...harmonizing chapters one and two of A Word Was Brought to Me in order to create a chronological account of the pre-fic dream sequence. I'm putting it below the cut because no unsuspecting follower should have to be stuck scrolling through this monstrosity.

Iida: You asked us how the encounter started. Well the first thing that I remember—I was dreaming but I didn't know it.

Uraraka: It was a bad dream. Wash was trying to cut my fingers off.

[...]

"You're actually afraid of [Wash]?" Tenya asked.

"No! [...] I'd work with him if we met on the field," [Uraraka] continued, "It wouldn't be a problem." It was true—in the dream, she had not hesitated to run to him. It was what happened after that—in a moment he had been someone else, a formless figure whose only edge was a knife. That made more sense now, knowing it had been a dream. She could still feel the shape of the blade, every cut the question she had seen scrawled along the edge of her page in Deku's hero notebook. How much damage can her hands sustain before her quirk loses functionality?

[...]

[Uraraka] had seen [First] first on the other end of a chokehold. The formless man with the knife could not come for her, could not move past the elbow caught under his chin. Her fingers were already unresponsive—what could she have done but run and hope that the hero with the white hair knew what he was doing?

[...]

Todoroki: My dad was there.

[...]

[Todoroki's] skin was clear now. It had been mottled before, painted with injuries [Uraraka] could not quite make out.

[...]

Shouto shrugged. "[...] I was hiding."

[...]

[Uraraka] had been running when Shouto sprung from behind a building, grabbed her and held her quiet in the shadow of the wall. She knew it was him—she could hear someone calling his name in the distance. The relief had been too much. For a minute she forgot about watching her surroundings, closed her eyes and focused only on breathing in and out.

[...]

Iida: I couldn't move. The way that sometimes you can't move in a bad dream—that's the only reason. (false)

[...]

"Stain was in the dream," Shouto said.

[...]

Tenya still had his shirt hem in one hand, fiddling with the cloth between his fingers. "[Stain] said he was coming for you, Todoroki. I couldn't move to warn you."

[...]

(Iida): And Midoriya was fighting—something.

Todoroki: It looked like a big bean bag. Made of Jello.

Midoriya: Um, it was a villain I had encountered before.

Todoroki: But then these two men showed up. One was a bad villain. The other one was some old guy.

Midoriya: First?

Iida: Yes, he was the first person I saw. (false)

[...]

"I think we broke the quirk," Deku muttered, [...] "The villain thought she could handle four, but we gave her eleven. The dream had to compromise—pick something that the most people were afraid of."

"And so it picked Wash," Shouto said, nodding as if the statement made sense.

"What?" Deku said, startled more by the interruption than the meaning. "No—I meant All for One."

[...]

Ochako had not been at Kamino, but the scene had been scary, even from the other side of a screen. It would be a good thing for a group of strangers, a terror everyone knew. Still, the man in the center had not looked the same as the one on the screen. He was drawn from a different memory.

[...]

"The ghosts are afraid of All for One?" Shouto asked

[...]

Todoroki: [First] and the bad villain started fighting.

[...]

Iida: The villain was winning—but one at a time, all these other heroes appeared.

[...]

Uraraka: All the heroes were playing tag with a sparkly. It looked like a star or like the effect from Aoyama's quirk.

[...]

In the dream the light was just as stark, but it swung in beams, emanating as it did from the center, where the fighting was.

[...]

(Iida): the dream heroes only fought the villain if they had been tagged.

[...]

Uraraka: The fight was really intense though! It looked like the villain was going to win!

[...]

Crouched under a shadow with Shouto, [Uraraka] had spotted [First] again, lying limp at the edge of the battleground.

[...]

All Might had not really been in the dream. Only an image of him, rippling like a reflection, had stood long enough to catch the star that was thrown to him, to pass it to the next player in the game—to Deku.

[...]

(Todoroki): And then [Midoriya] destroyed the villain.

Tsukauchi: Which one?

Iida: Um, both of them, in succession.

Uraraka: The big bad one called him nine

[...]

"Maybe you didn’t see the last part of the fight," Ochako continued, "but I had a pretty good view. Deku—you caught the quirk and then your face changed and you started punching everything and you had all these other abilities too! There was all this action, and then it just—stopped. You started talking—you said you knew it was a dream—"

[...]

Tenya murmured, "Your quirk stopped working because you were afraid of losing it."

[...]

(Midoriya) "He can't take my quirk—"

"He did in the dream," Shouto said.

Deku shook his head, "That's also how I knew the dream was fake."

[...]

Todoroki: It was still very intense. [Midoriya] gave an epic speech—

[...]

"In the dream," he said, "All for One told me that even if he wasn't real, I would have to face the real him someday. And he said I couldn't beat him, and I thought—maybe that's true. All Might barely did, and he's the best. So I told him—One for All can be passed down. Even with all his quirks, All for One's body is breaking. He can't go on forever. One for All can. Whenever he is defeated, I know I'll be there—either because I'm the one fighting him, or because I'm a vestige."

"That's when I knew what your quirk was," Tenya said, "I couldn't see everything—but I could hear your voice."

[...]

Iida: The turning point was when Midoriya noticed that everything was incredibly unrealistic.

Uraraka: When he thought about the heroes—

[...]

Deku said, "Um, the previous users of—of my quirk—they got copied into it and their ghosts appear to me in dreams sometimes. That's how I actually knew I was dreaming—I wouldn't see them in real life because they're all dead."

[...]

Iida: He knew he absolutely had to be dreaming, so he was able to simply wake up.

Uraraka: It was freaky for us though because he just disappeared! We were watching from the sidelines and then he was gone.

[...]

Uraraka: They forgot about me! I was stuck in a nightmare where Wash was trying to eat me and nobody cared!

Midoriya: Uraraka I'm so sorry!

Iida: Then we all subdued the villain together.

[dayseternal-blog]

End of the year fic- writer ask meme

1-10 ♥️

haha that’s all of them!  Thank you for the asks angi 😂❤️

For context, this year I wrote “Matcha,” Chapter 6 of “Catskin,” “Last Chance,” Chapter 4 of “Inspo,” “Undercover,” Chapter 6 of “White Lilies,” Part 2 of “Tell Me of Forevers,” “Heat Pack,” “That was the plan,” “Wait For Me,” “Little Samurai,” “Tease,” “About You,” and “Unwrapped.”  That’s 14 stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. What’s your personal favourite thing you wrote this year? 

Personal faves are “Little Samurai” and “About You”!  A close third is “Last Chance.”  I am most proud of finishing “Inspo.”

2. What’s your least favourite thing you wrote this year? 

Chapter 6 of White Lilies or....oh no..yeah.  White Lilies lol ✨

3. Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write? 

“Unwrapped” was different because the smut is the most pornographic I’ve ever gotten....  OH “About You” surprised/disoriented people with the pidgin speech 🌺

4. Which of your fics this year was most successful? 

In terms of kudos per one-shot/chapter, “Tease” was most successful 😅 (I spent, like, maybe a day writing that when others take months?!)  Lol whyyyy haha

5. Which of your fics do you wish was more successful? 

Idk, maybe “About You” but also that’s embarrassing in a way?

6. What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year? 

I pretty much loved every dialogue part in “About You.”  I think the part I ended up choosing showcases a lot of pidgin’s grammar and common habits.

“-nata?  Hinata?”

She slowly gains consciousness, to find Naruto looking down at her.

“You okay?  You wen faint dey said.”

“Oh,” she manages to utter, trying to get her bearings as the room and bed take shape in her mind, blinking away the dazed vestiges of sleep.  “W-what time is it?”

“Our shift only pau now.”

“Oh.”

“You feeling okay?”

She slowly sits up, nodding.  “Yeah.”  She must not have been out for that long.  She really thought she would make it to the end of the night.  “Were you waiting for me?” she asks, suddenly panicked at the realization that he is here with her.

“Ah, nah, nah.  I come in jus’ now.”  He gestures at the door.  “You weren’ out dere, so I jus’ wen ask somebahdy and you wuz in hea dey said.”

“Oh.”  That’s good that he wasn’t waiting for her to wake up, but, still, she never expected him to do something like this.  “You didn’t have to.”

He shrugs.  “No problem.  Ready fo’ go?  Can walk or..?”

She nods, scooching off the bed-like table.

And he walks with her to check-out with one of the heads, and then back to the bus stop.  Waits with her there.  And when it’s obvious that he’s going back with her despite the longboard he’s been holding this whole time, she haltingly brings it up.  “You not...going surfing?”

7. What’s your favourite piece of description or narration?

AHHHHHHH  Do you really want to know hahahhaha 😆  I WORKED VERY HARD ON THE FOLLOWING DESCRIPTION.

From “That was the plan” during their late-night tryst: 

Blood pumps faster in his heart than back in the karaoke room, he’s been trying to drink her pulse, melt her on his tongue, and he’s peeling cloth away, revealing only incrementally more of her smooth skin, dipping along the hollowed curve of her collar and the slope of her shoulder.  He’s so worked up, but her skin muffles his own breaths into damp adoration, her soft, shivering cries fill his mind, instead.

She shifts in his arms, and cloth and cleavage come pillowing up to his face, and he’s certain that she’s scooped from the same puffy stuff his adolescent daydreams were made of.

8. Which fic this year was most fun to write?

ohh hmmm, I remember I was very excited about writing “Undercover.”  (Then I abruptly hit writer’s block).

9. If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

There’s something wrong with “Undercover.”  I don’t know what, though.  The fact that I can’t agree with what happens next when I do have the entire story outlined shows that something plot-wise is very flawed.

10. What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

Next year, I’d like to return to writing more multi-chapter fics, less one-shots.  I’d like to complete my stories instead of writing more one-shots.  “It’s No Secret,” “Catskin,” “Last Chance,” “Undercover,” and “relax and live” deserve more of my attention 💕

[politicalmamaduck]

Reylo Fic Recs: Canonverse

Across the Stars by @rapturousaurora

Hugging Rey close, desperate to feel something of her, her skin against his, a lingering tendril of their once vibrant Force bond—anything—Ben only felt cold silence. Her vacant gaze stared up at the ceiling of the Sith’s Exegol stronghold.And still he felt no anger. No hate. His emotions were dominated by the almost childlike desire to fix what his lifetime of mistakes had broken—Ben wanted to fix her.

With You by @politicalpadme

Ben Solo finds the will to rise.

the shadows are whispering (again) by @thewayofthetrashcompactor

The Force has always had it out for the Skywalkers. Ben feels like he knows that better than most. Why else would it have saddled him with another curse to add to his legacy? (From birth to death and back again.)

Phantasm by @forcebondedreylo

Rey thought that she was finished with Ben Solo after Crait. She was proven otherwise when she crash-landed on a strange and dangerous planet with no way to contact the Resistance. Now Ben Solo might be her only hope of survival, if the deadly inhabitants don't get her first.

The Weight of a Soul by @ceallaigheirinn

“If he is condemned, then his soul shall be cast into oblivion,” the Mother answered. “It will cease to be. Oblivion is beyond the veil that the Force encompasses. His soul would be consumed by nothingness, and Ben Solo would exist on neither the mortal plane or the World Beyond.”

linger in the doorway (of my field of paper flowers) by @mnemehoshiko

She can't tell if she got the better deal or not. Foolish. Did you truly want to waste away in this sand-ridden hell? a voice whispers, low and soft.  No, she thinks, but it would be a familiar hell, at least.

destruction makes the world burn brighter by @cosmicforces

When he was nearly within reach, he extended the blade—or was it his hand?—but everything faded to black before she was certain. Panting, she bolted upright in her bed and wiped away the sweat clinging to her forehead. She’d dreamt of Jakku again.

A New Generation by @aionimica

Ben glances at Rey and quietly asks, “Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a twice-fallen former warlord who doesn’t know what place he has in this galaxy except as a porg-mother?”

In Our Silence, Volumes by @roamingbadger

When Rey senses through their Force Bond that Ben is in trouble, she'll stop at nothing to get to him. But what if he's not ready to be rescued - from himself? 

I Choose You by @shelikespretties

In the throne room, Rey proposes a counter offer.

Breakout by @leofgyth

In which Rey, Finn, and Ben break Ransolm Casterfo out of prison... for reasons.

Oh the Glory of Tenderness by @ann3onymous

Leia Organa taught her little boy how to weave stories with hair. Years later, Ben Solo weaves Rey's hair with promises.

Slipping Off Course by @fingertipstrembling

Between the birth and death of every star stretches a wide expanse of space, a thirsty maw that drinks up all the light it sees and spits back darkness. In the bowels of a star destroyer deep in that darkness, they find each other—the Supreme Leader’s apprentice and a fledgling pilot recruit who outflies and outwits him at every opportunity. Though he fights the pull of the Force, Kylo Ren finds himself reaching for Rey with nothing to stop his fall.

Like This by @kylo-wouldnt-like-those-chips

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Peace reigns in the galaxy.  Seriously. The Imperial Remnant fizzled out. There is no First Order. There is no Snoke. The worst thing Ben Solo's ever done was some light brawling. The kids are, as they say, more or less alright.Still, the Force has plans for Ben and Rey, which is how they find themselves working for the same civil rights firm, thrown together in a stakeout van.

temptations of grey by @lasthopesolo

Nightmares filled with the ghostly voice of a woman haunt Supreme Leader Kylo Ren; a constant reminder of the discord within. Terrifying dreams plague Rey, casting doubt on choices she’s made. Both find themselves stranded on a humid jungle planet in unknown territory, captured and forced to participate in a strange mystical ceremony. Rey and Kylo must work together in their journey through the jungle, facing themselves and each other in the pursuit of balance.

Wish Upon a Star by @shelikespretties

When Ben Solo exiles himself on a random planet in order to atone, he finds his mother packed him a calligraphy set. He keeps a diary of his existence, while Rey, cut off from him in the Force, tracks him down the only way she can.

Only If for a Night by @reylotrashcompactor and @southsidestory

The night the war ends is a time for victories and change. Maybe, if Rey is lucky, she can win where Ben Solo is concerned. There’s something between them, more than friendship or battle-forged camaraderie, a need that she’s felt threaded along their bond, and she’s tired of ignoring it.

Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations. by @shmisolo

Ben woke, but Luke’s saber wasn’t ignited.  Instead, he saw a master who had shattered his trust, who thought he was a monster, and—worse—he was probably right.So he fled Yavin IV, to Skywalker’s dismay, and no one heard from him since.Years later, on a wasteland planet, a girl and a fugitive stormtrooper board a Corellian YT-1300 light freighter in desperation to find they are not the only ones trying to steal it.

In the Footsteps of Giants by @aionimica

Post-Sequel Trilogy; Ben Solo is off in exile, accompanied by Rey. In desperate need of fuel, they stop on Naboo, but their pit stop doesn’t quite go as planned.

build a ladder to the stars by @redbelles

Kylo Ren's heart is a desert.

these violent delights (have violent ends) by @luminoustico

The news runs like a wildfire through the galaxy.Kylo Ren found something, someone, else to believe in. He gutted his master for her life. In return, vestiges of Snoke's power delivered a punishment greater than anything either the fallen Knight or the last Jedi could imagine. Together forever, eternally apart.

Luminous Beings by @hauscrashburn

In order to become a Jedi, Rey must do one thing: Kill Kylo Ren. But how can she when her heart belongs--and has belonged to him--for years now?

Midsummer Night's Shared Dream by @shelikespretties

“We’re not on an approved airfield, but look,” she held out her datapad with the map of the crash location. “Xa-Tla City is on the other side of this forest. We can make it there on foot, and, if we start now, we’ll get there before the solstice celebration begins.” Kylo lifted a mocking eyebrow. “You’d risk the spirits of the forest?”Rey scoffed. “I don’t believe in ghosts. Let’s start walking.”

Spillikin by @ceallaigheirinn

“Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened, Ben,” his mother said. “It just means you can finally let go and move forward.”

The Way to Tomorrow by @the-reylo-void

Kylo Ren faces his sentence at the hands of the Resistance: a year of off-world solitary confinement, no communication with the outside world. But it's never that easy to leave old wounds behind. Or such deeply-forged bonds.

Porgs by @tehanufromearthsea

Porgs think of Luke Skywalker as the eccentric but harmless giant who lives on their island. Life on Ahch-To can be pretty dull, so at least Luke gives the Porgs something to watch. Then another of his kind arrives, with her friends, and life on Ahch-To gets a lot more entertaining for the porgs.Then comes the invader...

The Jedi Path by @southsidestory

She’s Ben's world: the only thing he cares about, the only thing he needs, the only one who matters. That interest used to be focused on Rey's power, her talent, her fierce, uncompromising will. Platonic, if not innocent, but now—now he still loves her like a protege, but he wants her too. He wants her, and he can’t keep lying to himself about it.

Yub Nub, and a Celebration Song by @luminoustico

It starts with a forest moon, a destined clash between a scavenger and a knight, and some Very Determined Ewoks.

The Visions That Connect Us by @lariren-shadow

They've seen each other for years before they even meet. Kylo Ren and Rey have visions of the other through out their lives.

Reflektor by @reylotrashcompactor

Kylo Ren isn’t fool enough to believe that her capture was a happy accident. He didn’t believe it was good fortune, and he believed least of all that it had anything to do with the reconnaissance skills of Hux’s half-wit stormtroopers. If they have The Girl Called Rey in custody, it is because she meant for it to happen. It was because she had a plan and this was a step in executing it.

Paper Minds by @kuresoto

At the age of five, Ben Solo built his first droid. At the age of ten, he manifested and started to see her everywhere. At the age of eleven, he was sent to train with Luke. He still saw her. When he was fifteen, she disappeared. He was twenty-three when he left Ben Solo behind and became someone who wouldn’t trust blindly ever again. He became Kylo Ren. He meets her for the first time when he’s on the cusp of turning thirty. These were the events that shaped Ben Solo and in turn, Kylo Ren.

Just A Little Crush by @lariren-shadow

Ben Solo has been away from the Jedi Academy for a few years.  Now that he's back he's developed a little problem his brother is keen on goading him about.

Retrouvailles by @luminoustico

Six months ago, Ben Solo was removed from Rey's side and his uncle's Jedi Academy to take up his mother's mantle as Senator, and to act representative of the Resistance. He has already claimed the reputation of a troublemaker. After Han Solo requests Luke and Rey act as Ben's security intel at a ball in Coruscant, it is underneath the pressure of galactic politics that her world and his new world collide.

Convergence by @the-reylo-void

Whatever the next steps are, I want to take them with you.

let the silver arrow fly by @solikerez

Leia plays cupid, and fires a few misshots before getting it right.

What We Do in the Snow by @reylotrashcompactor

The first time she dreamed of Starkiller, not much was different.

The Gamble by @nightsofreylo

Whenever you gamble, eventually you lose...

Matchmaker by @lariren-shadow

Bored with being a Force Ghost Anakin decides that his grandson needs some help in the relationship department.  Kylo Ren isn't too thrilled at the prospect but, then again, neither is Rey.

here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true by @the-reylo-void

Here is the place where I love you.

People Will Say by @reylotrashcompactor

In a ditch effort to coax the wary members of the Resistance into accepting the prodigal son Ben Solo back into their fold, General Leia Organa requests a hefty favor from Rey. "Behind every good man is a great woman" is how the saying goes, but the man formerly known as Kylo Ren isn't good, and Rey isn't sure that any manner of hand-holding is going to change people's minds about that.

crave my heart (it's bleeding in your hand) by @mnemehoshiko

She wakes with the taste of salt on her lips and screams in her head.

Dark Matter by @arcticelves

Rey is never really alone. Even on Ahch-To, beginning her training with Luke Skywalker, she is frequently interrupted by an uninvited visitor. But is he truly unwelcome?

kept in the dark (but you were there in front of me) by @mnemehoshiko

Ben Solo is nine when he dreams of sand and darkness.

Peace and Purpose by @the-reylo-void

Across the stars, Rey and Ben yearn for each other, neither able to move on, both facing the unending nights alone. But the Force longs for balance as surely as they long for each other.

Laid To Rest by @khaleesa

Ben wants to show Rey the galaxy, to see it with her. First, they have business on Naboo.

Endings and Beginnings by @shelikespretties

Rey’s hand cradles Ben’s head before it can hit the stone floor. He’s ridiculously heavy, all dead weight, and Rey’s entire body cramps in horror before she sees the faint rise and fall of his chest. He’s not dead. He hasn’t left her. Yet. She cradles his face with both hands and sobs in relief.

What Was Lost Is Now Found by @ceallaigheirinn​

With no memories of the past, his mind was nothing more than a void of vast emptiness. He couldn’t remember how he got there. It sounded insane, but he even wondered if he was actually there the moment before. When he closed his eyes, fleeting images of a metallic mask, a world collapsing on itself, the touch of a weathered hand across his cheek and a beautiful woman dressed in white flickered from the dark recesses of his mind. But none of it made sense. He had no idea what those images represented or who that woman was. Did she mean something to him? Was she an enemy, friend or lover?

a million miles (cross the ocean) by @mnemehoshiko

in which the Force tries to pay back some of the debt it owes the Skywalkers.

gift to me forever by LonelyLavenderBones, @luminoustico, TazWren, @thewayofthetrashcompactor

Palpatine has remained dead. Ben Solo followed in his mother’s footsteps and became the Senator of Chandrila, his mother training him in the Force instead of sending him to Luke. And, instead of being left on Jakku, Rey has been trained in the Force from childhood to help redeem the Palpatine name in the eyes of the galaxy's highest social circles.Now the princess of the ultimate Sith is due to make her debut, on the arm of her betrothed, Armitage Hux. But, the Force still has plans for Rey Palpatine and Ben Solo.

My own canonverse Reylo fics:

Rise

Ben Solo and Rey fake their deaths after Exegol and live their lives.

It was not Death, for I stood up

Emperor Palpatine lied on Exegol; Rey is not his granddaughter. Rey sets off on a journey, led by Obi-Wan Kenobi, to bring Ben Solo back from the World Between Worlds.

luminous beings are we

Rey and Ben survive Exegol.

the healing balance

The battle was over; the war was won. The Finalizer was a smoking ruin; General Hux’s attempted mutiny had backfired as the Resistance attacked and finally incapacitated the First Order leadership. Kylo Ren was missing, presumed dead at the hands of the last Jedi, who must have succumbed to her own injuries. Neither body was found. So said the initial official report of the aftermath.

Aggressive Negotiations

It was a shame, really, that Rey did not want her new assignment, did not want to be tempted by Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala’s grandson.

Calligraphy and Atonement

Ben Solo spends his time in exile trying not to think of Rey and keeps failing.

beam that lights the way home

The star lit their path to each other, and lit their way home together.

food for the soul

Rey struggles with new food and the knowledge that Kylo Ren is her soulmate.

you burn with me

Rey's soulmark burns when she meets Kylo Ren for the first time.

light brings forth hidden truths

Light brings forth hidden truths, and demonstrates the Force's balance.

Falling Embers

Rey takes Kylo Ren's hand after they have killed Snoke and his Praetorian Guards.

Force of Light

After celebrating the end of the war and Wookiee Life Day on the Resistance base, Rey heads out into the snow to meditate. Kylo Ren goes out after her...and learns the true reason for the season.

Wanting

Kylo Ren has wanted things his whole life.

My other fic rec lists:

Fic Recs Under 100 Kudos | Historical AU | Fantasy, Fae, Magic, Fairy Tale, and Mythology | Modern AU | Smuggler Ben Solo | Dark Side Rey | Smut |