#from one braincell in deactivated state

[nightfal1n]

Coping Day 30: Sudden thought "Ikaruga platoon of the 3rd division will make a great cheer squad" (Osu Tatakae Ouendan style)

[haruyzal]

It kills me how your mind can make you feel so

worthless. pairing: Kirishima Eijirou / Bakugou Katsuki summary: Kirishima tends to forget himself, and so he falls. As nightmares exist, Bakugou happens to witness his best friend’s delicate state of mind and tries to help. rating: teens up, so pg-13 i guess tags/warning: angst, (emotional) hurt/comfort, self-depricating / insecure kirishima, bakugou is trying his best, my boys just need a hug y’all wordcount: 1230, that delicious round number Can also be read at AO3: shorturl.at/tIJKX that’s also where i put my author’s notes

Kirishima tends to forget himself.

Sometimes, it came merely as a whimper, only lasting for a second before quickly being wiped away by his own boisterous laughter and promises of doing better. Become stronger.

Sometimes, it crept its way during the dark, during cold and bitter hours when the sun had set and no light could chart its way into his heart. So, it stopped trying.

It wasn’t the first time Kirishima realised. Far from it. The thoughts circulated in the back of his head ever since they met, just lingering by his side would burst his own fragile heart.

He loved Bakugou. Truly. Whether it was platonically or romantically, well, he’d figure it out one day. Or maybe not. Now, he was content just trying to survive. Their fingers brushing. The warmth that light his skin on fire despite the layers of clothing between his arm and Bakugou’s shoulders. The shivers sent through his spine whenever Bakugou whispered something in his ear, just for him to hear. Just for him.

That’s why it hurt. Deeply, he knew he loved him. Deeply, he knew he hurt himself. Bakugou was everything Kirishima wanted, everything he wanted to be and everything he wanted to have and it pierced through his very soul that all of that was, for lack of better words, unobtainable.

Bakugou stood up at the crack of dawn, wide awake and ready to face the world head on. A light jog, a healthy breakfast, taking notes in classes with perfect attendance, finishing homework early yet reading ahead, then getting more sleep than the average teen gets during their entire adolescence. Bakugou wanted to be the best. Cook, musician, hero, you name it and he’s already halfway to master it purely out of spite. But he was also Kirishima’s friend, best friend even, and Kirishima was his. He knew as much. It was daunting, really. The person he loved the most was also the one he’s most afraid of hurting, which in turn, made him hurt himself. Funny how that works.

Thoughts raced against each other, competed to be the loudest, the most compelling, the most dangerous. Thoughts screaming at him for being a burden, useless, dumb, slow, daft, stupid, naive whiny weak weak weak weakweakweakweakweakweakweakweak you’re a drag dragging him down slowing him down you’re nothing but a pile of

A knock on his door. Kirishima barely noticed had it not repeated itself twice, thrice, and now he just refused to reply, knowing all too well who was on the other side of the door. The knock was a telltale sign of an impatient but ever-trying Bakugou Katsuki. Impatient, but persistent.

Minutes felt like hours, stretching itself, trying to outdo infinity and finally: “I’m awake.”

Vividly.

The sound of a door creaking, god he needed to oil it soon; then footsteps, a whiny floorboard he’d need to look at; and an akward greeting, so low he’d almost missed it. The softest ‘hey’ Bakugou had ever said. It went unanswered as Kirishima kept his body still and rigid, head in his arms curled tightly around his legs, his quirk activated hours ago.

The sight nearly made Bakugou whimper. But he bit his lip and swallowed the sound, his resolve to help bigger than his own need for comfort. Maybe that’s why Bakugou crept onto his bed. He tried to figure out a way to approach Kirishima but honestly, his need to yell, no, scream his heart out at the sight of a downed friend, worse, best friend, just squashed the last braincell he’d saved for tomorrow, so he opted with something more familiar:

“Do you want me to hug you?”

Kirishima always asked the same question when he was sad and cursed the world with his silence, the world so used to Bakugou’s explosive nature. Kirishima, with his arms wide open, ready to hold them up for hours until Bakugou was ready to either shake his head or dive into his embrace, all thoughts drowned by the redhead’s warmth.

So Bakugou did just that. Hoped that his words didn’t fall on deaf hears, hoped that his gesture would be welcomed with red strands in his face and a sharp nose buried deep into his shoulder and strong arms closing in around his neck.

And Kirishima did just that, halfway remembering to deactivate his quirk. It was a relief, not just to hold and be held, but the mere acceptance of the other’s state, vulnerable in their own ways.

A sob escaped Kirishima’s lips. Bakugou combed his fingers through soft, red hair as he tried to shush the tears away. When Kirishima was ready, he backed out of the embrace. Just slightly, their noses almost touching.

“I’m sorry, I-“, hiccup, “was it a nightmare?”

And Bakugou couldn’t help it, laughter escaped his lips at the irony while tears threatened to form in his eyes. “You bastard! Don’t try to make it about me! You’re the one crying, so just... just shut up and let me take care of you for once, yeah?”

A little louder than he intended, but it did the trick. Kirishima visibly melted, sinking back into Bakugou’s embrace as the blond practiced how to breathe again, fuck.

“What happened, Ei?” The name like honey on the tip of his tongue. He could practically taste it. “Do you want to talk about it?”

A sniff, a hiccup and arms tightening.

“I... I don’t know, I just... I was about to go to bed, then suddenly I just. Cried. I fucking cried and I don’t know where these thoughts come from, Kats. They’re awful, I really shouldn’t but I can’t- I can’t help it. Suddenly I just feel so... so...”

A deep breathe, then an exhale.

”It’s okay, Ei, I got you. I got you...”

“I feel so useless,” Kirishima breathed out, his heavy heart sinking even further into the abyss. He could feel Bakugou’s arms tense, slightly tightening and later relaxed again as a sigh escaped the blond’s lips.

“God, Ei-“

You’re pathetic.

“You’re strong, you hear me? You’re so fucking strong, you made friends with that one villain, as if you were some fucking- God I’m still not over that.”

No, wait-

“You are so strong, Ei. You always try to protect us, to protect me and, don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking grateful, but your dumbass always puts others before yourself and I can’t- fuck, Ei, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do without you...

“Please, just... When you’re ready, talk to me...”

The silence nearly drowned his plea, and yet an ‘okay’ rolled off Kirishima’s tongue like butter. His heart tried to regulate itself.

“Can you maybe... I mean, It’s... it’s nice to hear your voice and... just...”

Bakugou merely nodded, ransacking his brain for any interesting information and let his words run like waterfall, slipping in poems as words of encouragement as Kirishima fought to stay awake. Yet Bakugou lulled him into sleep, his fingers gently massaging his best friend’s scalp.

“The corpse we carry has iron in its veins.

The same iron forged in burning stars now dead yet living on in all of us,

we are merely stardust floating through vast emptiness,

so we make of it as we want and hope for light and colours in the dark,

forgetting it’s at the very tip of our fingers.”