#from something unspeakable
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How are you?
I am doing the best I can given the circumstances! (Horse dead, scammed thousands, got bald)
#There is an unspeakable agony in the marrow of my bones#I am rotting from the inside out in real time and I can do nothing but watch the decay and pretend to find beauty in it#But the maggots burrowing inside me love me more than anyone else ever could#For they have tasted me as I truly am and decided my rotten meat is something to savor#I am doing about as alright as any of you Number One#The earth still turns and I will wake up again tomorrow a little less rotten
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Madame Yu would never but oh for one fic where she packs up the kids and flees the jurisdiction. Jiang Cheng and Yanli would be so upset and miss Wei Wuxian and their father and you know, their home & community. Jiang Fengmian feels like he's taken a truck to the face (thanks truck-kun). Wei Wuxian is sure it's all his fault and is deeply distressed. Madame Yu is probably literally possessed. But still. It sucks! leave! Hit the bricks! listen to the meme skeleton that has taken up residence in your head.
#i'm picturing her eldest sister like well yuanyuan would never which must mean things are unspeakably bad guess we're going to war with a#great sect actually. unfortunate#maybe we can stall and pretend it's an extended visit bcs one of the children had fallen terribly ill#and er-jie like nono we'll just assassinate him and put a-cheng on the throne#madame jin will help!#we never liked him anyway#eventually they find out she's possessed and it's like ooops very embarrassing for us and also you#but like it would be more embarrassing to call it off at this point?#you don't really like him do you?#we can tell#and then she has to go rescue him from the assassins and like#frame wen ruohan or something i don't know
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I gotta say I might have unusually low standards and just haven’t realized it, but for all I heard about the locked tomb having such problematic and twisted protagonists, I wasn’t expecting for all but maybe 3 of the central characters to be like genuinely good people who care for those around them shaped only by their circumstances and the structure in which they live.
#like all of the moral ambiguity is structural the evil in question is baked into necromancy culture#does that mean it's okay? Hell no! But it's not individual flaws that make our characters like this and almost everyone is well-meaning!#the only really questionable people are John Augustine and the Tridentarii#Ianthe for eating a man Corona for deeply sinister vibes#she’s gonna do something unspeakably fucked next book I just know it#even Silas is hard to condemn as fundamentally bad when you take into account the brainwashed-sixteen-year-old-ness of it all#John is sympathetic but I maintain that he’s not good#it all really comes down to Alecto’s appearance imo#he was honoring his mother’s childhood and he extracted the soul from a planet because he wanted to save it that badly#but once it was actually in his hands he restrained the earth itself into a piece of plastic kitch#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth
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MAE: And then also her implementing that change and breaking that pattern in her familial relationships that her mom was having of taking back these guys who do not treat them right and her sort of not only saying no to that, but also "I'm not doing that in my life" with Riggins! SCOTT: Big move. Big move. And a lot of Tyra-Tim scenes haven't been making it into the episodes, but have been in the scripts, but a lot of them are the show trying to figure out how to same the same thing and get Tim to the place where he's so honest, and he is in that scene. He's like "I did." And she says "This is exactly what somebody would say before they just revert back to who they were." And I'm like, ah man, can Tyra not believe that people can kind of change at this point? Maybe not until she fully changes her situation. MAE: She's also, like, I think, to a degree that's such a tricky thing about relationships and people in general, like yes people can change, but at some point- at what point does it not work for you anymore? And being- I think that's like a really grown up thing- another kids having to grow up thing to realize that look, you're on your own journey, and I support you and I'm glad you- I understand you have to do this as many times as it takes for it to make sense to you to actually implement this change in your life and have it really be yours, but I can't go with you on that journey anymore.
-IT’S NOT ONLY FOOTBALL: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS AND BEYOND
#YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY FROM THE SOUND OF THE WOMAN THAT LOVES YOU!!!!#fridaynightlightsedit#fnledit#tyra collette#tim riggins#adaptationsdaily#cinemapix#popularculturesource#tvarchive#tvedit#tim x tyra#mystuff#her wanting soooo bad to be able to forgive him and take him back and believe things will actually be different this time because all shes#wanted from him is to love her the way she loves him and just be a good boyfriend to her but hes absolutely incapable of being good to#anyone even jason had his gripes about what a bad friend tim is and its not that he doesnt CARE its just that hes incapable of fostering#anything good in his life and the people who love him most are the ones who end up suffering#and maybe if he had come to her like this a day or two ago she wouldve taken him back but timings everything and he waited too long and she#drawn a hard line in the sand shes done putting up with this she wants better for herself she knows she deserves better and she hopes one#day tim can be that guy but she can't wait around for him she's got her own life to live she's got dreams she's got plans she's gonna go#make something of herself she's finally her first priority#tyra collette i love you forever i would start wars for you i would unspeakable things in your honor give me once chance PLEASE
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in fraser's defense I too would have been severely at risk of risking it all for victoria even after the all of the everything. have you seen her.
#thank GOD for ray. i am always saying this but it does not make it less true. the mvp#due south#benton fraser#victoria metcalf#the manic pixie nightmare woman representation we so richly deserve#she truly is that charismatic and beautiful tho like sure I could abandon all of my ideals and be a sort of underappreciated henchman#of the devil herself who only gets pets if she needs something from me if I got to hang out with her sometimes. I get it ben#so unspeakably impossibly sad that the one person who makes fraser admit he needs something for himself#is in fact the worst person in the whole entire world. watching him place those candles around his awful apartment with NO heed#for fire safety whatsoever had me gasping like oh no it's BAD bad in there I mean I knew that from circumstantial evidence#but I didn't think the state of the psyche was quite at the 'placing a burning candle directly onto a chair cushion with no heed#for the basic fire safety he must have been taught before he even knew how to walk' levels already. oh ben#the way he tells his father 'go away' exactly like a little kid might. augh. ow. ouch. oh buddy#(did he EVER say that to his father in life? probably not huh. he'd have to have been there to be told to go away :') )
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Idk where all these takes thinking that Helaena was indifferent to Jaehaerys's death come from. She literally said she was sad about it. Her rationalizing that she shouldn't be is very realistic grief processing for a neurodivergent person. I've worked with children on the spectrum who will tell me that they're angry or sad and are trying not to be because they know it'll make others even more upset or because a scraped knee heals eventually and all these other rationalizations.
But they are upset. And like what Alicent did with Helaena, you have to tell them having emotions by itself isn't a bad thing. Most of the time, it's simply something you can't control or reason away. Alicent was doing well to tell her daughter that she had a right to her grief — that she shouldn't use "other people have it worse" as a way to push it down.
Alicent has her own wonky processing by believing it was her fault that Jaehaerys died ('the gods are punishing me for my sins. an unrelated accident happened because i, personally, have done awful things' aka classic catholic guilt). So she was seeking absolution from her father who refused to give it to her.
But Helaena does. Helaena forgives her. In a way, I interpreted this scene as both of them comforting each other in the ways they needed. When Alicent shrugs off her own grief and begins talking about how she's more worried about Helaena, her daughter tells her what she wanted to hear by giving her that absolution.
Could the scene have made it clearer that this mother and daughter are helping each other with their radically different ways of processing grief? Could I have misinterpreted the scene? Of course. But as it was, it was pretty clear that Helaena was sad about Jaehaerys.
#helaena targaryen#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#hotd#and this is just my opinion but I'm uncomfortable with how many people are desperate for Helaena to collapse in hysterics#we already had such public and intense displays of female grief through Rhaenyra#But they're still disappointed that Helaena doesn't want to throw herself into the flames coming apart and spiraling#I know a lot of this sentiment is just loyalty to the books#but i for one welcome this change of rewriting this woman into something other than the story's pitiful sacrificial lamb#A non-character who gets shackled with these unspeakable horrors so the story can elicit pathos from readers and push the theme of 'war bad#hotd discourse
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i'm a cis woman, but in the past few years i've developed a habit of headcanoning any male character i relate to as a trans women, beginning a fic trying to explore that, and then miserably falling short as i can never figure out how to end the story. i've recently joined a new fandom and started my most recent attempt at writing this ever-elusive character interpretation i've been trying to explain for years. and it occurs to me that maybe the reason i keep trying to interpret these characters i relate to as women and failing to, is because i'm trying to project the wrong experience. because i think that conclusion i can never fully bring myself to write isn't one about coming to terms with womanhood and embracing that identity, but about coming to terms with being a man.
so tldr im a trans man and this is a coming out post.
#shaking a little bit writing this but like. i dont know.#ive felt. alone a lot and ive been very scared of actually doing anything to make myself happy for a lot of my life#and ive felt a lot of shame about particularly. i dont know.#i feel a lot of shame in general#but about my gender. about feeling like i cant transition because i dont want to do it the way you see in media#and that its cool for other people to be gnc and trans and present however they want but#that itd be wrong for me. that id be faking#and i dont know i think im tired of running from it#im acting like this is some terrible truth. like this is an unspeakable evil i would inflict on the world by doing something that could mak#me happy. make me feel comfortable#i dont want that shame anymore#i never deserved it#anyways. i like the name angus. please call me angus from now on although autumn is actually still fine i do fw that name. always have#but i need to say this and put it out into the world and not take it back#this is my experience. this is my starting point. and fanfic and writing have been a big part of that#anyways. shoutout to#james wilson#most recent blorbo ive tried to trans the gender of. i think ill be able to finish this fic though lol.#trans#coming out#fandom#fanfic#personal#queer#lgbtqia
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the contrast between how there are two pieces of internet media that did "what is it like to be immortal? what would the genuine joy of it be, and how would it be an ontological nightmare?"
that the internet put out two incredible pieces of high quality media dealing with this topic,
and one is a mixed-media story about space probes watching football,
and the other is a porn game with every Unspeakable Fetish,
and for the fucking life of me i can't be sure which one did it better
i can't decide and sometimes i think 17776 still comes out the loser in comparison to paraphore and how hard it makes it to recommend to people to play paraphore despite, in my literal expert opinion (have a degree (graduate)), it being one of the better works of new literature ive ever experienced
and im' rereading 17776/20020 and it's just making me want to go through paraphore again
#like you can't extract the Unspeakable Fetishes from paraphore because it's also a game examining what it means to have Unspeakable Fetishes#which is something almost no media actually ever dares to do
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Wait guys, theory. ⚠️ Major AI the somnium files spoilers ⚠️
I’ve gotten some new notes on my old meme about So Sejima not knowing what a condom is and people in the tags were talking about him having a serial killer gene that skipped over Iris or what if she’ll get fucked up later in life but. The thought crossed my mind. What if his genes made them all high risk for developing brain tumors? Antisocial behavior can be a warning sign, and it could explain Saito’s supposed problem experiencing love in a more believable way than the game did. What if they all had brain tumors and Iris was the only one who got diagnosed?
#ai the somnium files#aitsf#aini#iris sagan#saito sejima#uru somezuki#so sejima#aitsf spoilers#aini spoilers#ai the somnium files spoilers#Nirvana initiative spoilers#imagine if Uru had a tumor in one of the only organs they couldn’t take from him the irony#can’t speak as much on him because he did go through unspeakable trauma while Saito was just fucked up like that from day one#he and Iris both experienced delusional beliefs though and I guess you could say he might’ve had spiritual psychosis with the cult#I can’t tell if this sounds silly or if I’m like stating something obvious
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Finn: So, um, since we are officially Knowing Each other in a not exactly platonic sense- Huntress Wizard: The voices of the world tell me that the term is 'friends with benefits'. I feel this is both insufficient and... somehow does not convey the emotional ties involved but linguistics ain't my field. Finn: Me neither. Which is why it's kind of hard to say but, since we're feeling close enough that it's changed things, you're going to have to be prepared for some... hm. Finn: Perils, let's say. HW: In what sense. Finn: You know I've got people in my... well, it's not BIOLOGICAL family, but 'family' is the only word that comes to mind? People who care a lot about me, and might feel really invested in people that get intimately involved in my life? HW: Ah. Like your brother, the magical dog. Finn: Well, yeah, but you've already met him and got that sorted out, and that's not EXACTLY what I mean. And you NEED to be prepared because I am genuinely a little scared for you. HW: I've noticed a very serious tone shift here. Why does the ground suddenly stink of fear and horror? Huntress Wizard, feeling a sudden sense of unspeakable doom: And why do I hear... boss music?? Princess Bubblegum and Marceline, looming ominously directly behind her: Finn: OH NO IT HAS BEGUN. Princess Bubblegum, speaking in horribly icy tones: Good evening. Marceline, strumming on her guitar in a needlessly malevolent fashion: So. We hear you're INTERESTED in Finn. Princess Bubblegum: So we'd like to ask you a few... QUESTIONS. So that we are assured of his safety and emotional well-being. Huntress Wizard: Ah. So THAT explains the boss music.
#adventure time#huntress wizard#princess bubblegum#marceline#finn mertens#i like to imagine that PB and Marcy are can be a little homicidally overprotective of him#so they get a bit overzealous about seeing if someone is an active threat#don't worry HW will be fine#she'll view any threats of vivisection or having her soul ripped out as either declarations of sincerity she can respect#or impressed that they're getting this terrifying on his behalf#queued#pb and marcy will be both pleased with her resolve#and a bit disappointed HW isn't terrified#she'll say something like 'the unspeakable horror of certain doom is pleasing to see from friends'#and they'll be like 'oh you're kind of ideal for him huh'
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these two 💞
#levihan#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#kitearchive#i am Not caught up on aot and all i know is Something Unspeakable happens#and i do not see it#this was my half of an art trade with my partner from a few years ago!#they drew me a yuuyanghel :3ccccc
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Well these colours sure didn't translate well
@prismatic-starstuff @beardedladyqueen
#for info yes the tattoo is supposed to look horribly neon#however the lips are not supposed to look like that. nor the eyes.#What's funny is that my sketches actually look even worse than this thing looks like in-game#like this is mild shit. wait until you see the way i draw her/him#(i think bearded doesn't know this but I like to be funny so dandelion approved of my funny plan that this Inquisitor is#actually trans; s/he just doesn't know it yet. so in the game she uses she/her and thinks she's a cis woman. but like. right after the plot#he goes 'Oh i think that awakened something in me.' which i think is like. incredibly funny. tfw your world saving adventure +#unspeakable violence + weird relationships + 'im probably trans but i have a hero's journey to go through so idc about that rn'#make your egg crack.)#originally i wanted to get a few more shots of how awful the colours look but I'll do that tomorrow because i gotta wake up at 6 am and it's#nearly midnight dhdjdjjs#funnily enough i was taking most of the inspo from vampire bats but the way her/his nose works is actually reminiscent lf#of...more traditional bats. like a vampire bat nose would be upturned. reminiscent of gith noses. a heavily downturned nose#with a bridge inseparable from the forehead is more of a european bats thing
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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling
#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line#which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile#and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end#...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick#I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now#it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy#that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides#that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them#it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here#also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: ellaryen ingellvar#thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha#adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think#but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm#that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways#...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak#it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself#and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy#I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff
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okay i'm 29% into something extraordinary by alexis hall and considering the other two books in this series were goofy satirical queer regency romance romps i need to sue this man for damages because i have been lowkey sobbing for basically most of this book so far oh my god
who knew an aromantic heroine in a romance novel would attack me directly and destroy me down to the atoms???
#chocolate reads things#something extraordinary#ALEXIS HALL THIS IS UNSPEAKABLY RUDE AND YOU *WILL* BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS (affectionate)
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THINKING ABOUT.... how Ensha has the capacity to be so awful and downright nasty. thinking about how Miri, his adoptive little elven bundle of light in the dark sister is the only thing in his life aside from the mourn watch and his studies that he has to live for and actually cares about. THINKING about how easy he could be corrupted if anything BAD were to happen to Miri or if he was baited juuusstt right to do questionable or outright reprehensible things given the right circumstances and seeds planted in that head of his--
#thinking abOUT HOW ENSHA COULD SO EASILY BECOME A BAD GUY.... but also about how his sister is the literal only reason he's got any softness#in him at all at this point. not because horrible things have happened to him (aside from something unspeakable that occurred to orphan him#but mostly just because hes just kind of.... /like that/? or COULD be like that if pressed or if he got the right (or wrong) idea(s) in his#head 👀#THINKING ABOUT ENSHA.... THINKING ABOUT THE DYNAMIC BETWEEN HE AND HIS BELOVED SISTER... who is not at all related to him even a little but#he loves her anyway more than anything in this world actually and how he'd do anything... ANYTHING... to make sure shes safe and happy.#again though hes not a bad person at all. but he like so many others has the Capacity for such wickedness and callousness if he just took#one or two steps just toooo faarrr.. over /there/ yknow? his personality could so easily align him that way and YET! here he is. being#a good boy <3 more or less. hes more inclined to obliterate the bad guys at present than join them so id say hes doing ok#+ just slips in some ensha pictures because............ uuuuuuhhhhh............ because.!#( images. ensha )#( images )#THINKING ABOUT.... how his love is not gentle or kind or soft much of the time. thinking about how he isn't nurturing by nature like she is#but he sees her. sees her efforts and understands her point of view(s) and Tries to be worthy of her
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sometimes i think about klaasje and have to sit down for a minute
#what is going on with her. shes so unbelievably fucked up and i love her#disco elysium#klaasje amandou#shes running from something big and unspeakable she goes through the only channels she can for justice she studied english in college. girl
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