#fucking whateber and stuff. yk =w=bb
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#ok my youger brother by 2 years. has some issues when. i say things.#somehow me being a tinsie bit mean is warranted to start screaming and being irrationally angry over.#while yes ofc i mightt be saying stuff.#today were talking about the fact that i said one angry sentence about his bike being in our shed untouched for a YEAR. TO MY DAD.#while yes angry and yes his bike. it was one angry sentence. directed at my dad as a question to solve it.#and unfortunately he understands that as a blatent attack on him as a person. and starts screaming.#and while im calm. because im not even genuinely angry angry etc. he just keeeeps yelling.#i put my hand up to see if i can. yk mention that i wasnt fucking talking about him personally but was just angry about this obstacle.#but hes toooo fucking over in his head to be able to handle that and shuts me down. fucking fine fair ig. wait till it calms down.#and this. isnt rare. its happened often and whenever it does it immediately accelerates to this extreme level on his side.#sillyposting#this time our parents finally try to talk it out after dinner. becuase this isnt really an us-issue as it is an his-anger issue.#and we (our parents) talk (to him).#and when the big thingies were a little resolved. my dad asks “what are you so insecure about” AND I HAD TO HIDE MY LAUGH.#HOWWW. fucking how can you ask such a fucking landmine. becuase OFCOURSE. OFCOURSE HE EXPLODES AGAAAINNN.#less severely bc he cant push this onto being my fault ofc <333#he knows its true. i hope he knows there is a problem but i genuinely doubt that he does. its all just my fault. ofc.#i do hope he gets better at handling it. part of me hopes its just me that he treats this way but.#hm.#its. funny to me in a way. since i said one angry sentence directed at one of his OBJECTS...#... ofc its my fault that he responds with 50x the intensity as i 'started' it.#like im so sorry buddy but. this is your issue. the fact that you can not see that is actively harming everyone in this house.#and you know what?? OUR MOM IS THE SAME. my mom can respond with the same amount of insecurity when i politely try to say something#fucking whateber and stuff. yk =w=bb#i dont want to look down because i know. i know how terrible it feels to have that uncontrollable anger. but he has to try.#WHATEBEERRRR. do not put bets on wether or not he'll actually change. you will not win them.#oTL whatebeer.#its all fine :3 just a part of it :3 normal family dynamic :3 its all my fault right :3c#again bc im an apologetic bitch that is paranoid. i do not mean harm to easily-angry people. i get it. i really do.#i just also have the right to complain about unjust violence directed at me. i thinks.
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gay
#erm whateber#allowing myself to 'relax' with drawing is awesome UNLESS. i do it in mspaint and i try to do collours.#yk whateeber. im 'learning' oTL I DONT WANNA. let me be good at something immediately.#not to say that im not proud of this bc i do like itttt =w=bb#wouldve loved to put more actual stuff into this tho. like the hands of [] ykyk.#but alas. headache is starting and. DARLINGS MY POSTURE OF DRAWING WITH MY NEW TABLET IS SO BAD.#like genuinely. sometimes my chest is almost flat on my desk. same desk that my drawing pad is on. you can imagine. erm#anyyay =w=bb#fuck#my bigger mspaint piece that is for :3c is.... hmhmhm#i like the sketch. i do. but the colours man oTL IT LOOKS SO FLAT.#one of my biggest things i want to improve in general is my colours. but goddamn mspaint is NOT the program to do that in.#hmhmhmmhm i might just scrap that entire piece and think of something new but also... this is all the idea i haave.#ill think of something. probabblyu.#or. i could ask the discord for help but :3c hahaha imagine me both asking for help and using discord. lol i could never.#i want to. but i am noot in the space to try rn =w=bb examsn yoiippeee#almost done basically. yes. whooo#anyaywa#sillyposting#my work#i miss her.....#oTL so many thoughts.
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