#gabriel went to build a bear to record this

[treatop]

if gabriel had recorded the message on froggy instead of writing it down

[p-artsypants]

I’ll Handle This (9)

In Which Plagg cuts the Umbilical Cord

Howdy folks! Thanks for the patience! I like to pretend I’m regular with uploads, but we all know that’s not true. And for a little while, it’s going to be worse. I had a gallbladder attack this week, and I have to wait about a month to get it out. In the meantime, I get sick pretty easily from most foods. So I’ve kind of put writing on the backburner. 

Oh, I’m also planning a wedding!

Thanks for understanding and not sending demands for updates!

FF.net | Ao3 

—

Adrien was feeling pretty darn good, all things considered. 

Ladybug, or Marinette rather, had been so adamant for so long that no one could know their identities. It was a mantra he stuck to, though he desperately wished to know her outside the mask. 

With Nino in on the secret, it felt more liberating than he expected. All night, he told Nino stories of his terrible excuses and narrow misses of getting caught. 

“I don’t know how I didn’t catch it sooner.” Nino had said, hindsight being 20/20 and all that. 

And Adrien admitted that he felt dumb for not realizing Nino was Carapace sooner. So Nino’s guilt was lessened a bit by that. 

While the boys talked, Plagg stayed rather neutral. He didn’t divulge any more of his plans or prepare them for what was to come. 

Because he couldn’t. Plagg was preparing for several different outcomes, all hindered on many overlapping factors. He just had to hope for the best for now and not stress Adrien out. 

The kid deserved to enjoy his first sleepover.

—

Being an ancient being, Plagg’s passive perception was relatively high. He noticed things and had an awareness that surpassed most other entities on the planet. 

Though, he rarely acted on anything he noticed, since he could phase out of most danger.  It mostly kept him from being seen by people who weren’t supposed to see him. 

However, alarm bells were currently going off like crazy inside his—or Adrien’s—head. 

Lila was hovering just a bit too closely for comfort. 

Though she was usually the main attraction in a conversation, she wasn’t very good at spying. She hovered, just at the edge of the circle, throwing out plenty of ‘oh, don’t mind me’s, but keeping her eye trained on him. She even followed them when they went out for lunch. Far enough away that no one would notice, mind you, but there none the less. 

Lila was not Gabriel’s muse. She was his stooge. His little puppet. His meat camera. 

As long as Lila was around, Gabriel was aware of every action he took. Who knew what kind of bull shittery she’d pull if he did something remotely different. 

But what exactly was she watching for? Just reporting his change in behavior? 

Had Gabriel suspected too much? 

It was high time Plagg put the next phase of his plan into action. 

But first, he needed to throw Lila off the trail. 

It was after class, and everyone was packing their stuff up and discussing how the weekend had gone. 

This seemed like the perfect opportunity. 

“Hey guys! I taught Lila how to play Magic at the last photoshoot! Anyone want to play with her?” 

The words were like fresh blood in a tank of sharks. Lila was grabbed and sat down at a desk, as she tried to come up with an excuse to leave. 

“Oh, I’d uhh...I’d love to play. But my mom has a doctor appointment after school and she wanted me home...” 

“Oh Lila, it’s okay,�� said Plagg. “Don’t feel bad about skipping our study session. This is your chance to really bond with the boys in our class!” 

Lila just sent him a tight lipped smile. 

“Okay, Kim, let Lila use your deck.” 

“What? No! ‘Soul Sisters’ is perfectly crafted and only an expert can really unlock its true potential.” 

Alix swiped the deck from his hand. “Yeah, you build a deck with all the tig-bitty angel wifus. It’s great. Take a break, horn dog.” She slammed the deck down in front of a traumatized Lila. 

Max was her partner. “Don’t worry, we’ll go slow and I’ll explain everything as we go along.” 

Plagg smiled to himself, watching as the boys, and even some girls, crowded around to watch. 

He then caught Marinette’s eye and gestured out to the hall. There was no way Lila could stealthily maneuver her way over to him without drawing the attention of all their classmates. 

In the hall, Plagg took Marinette’s hand and led her away, into a secluded corner of the upper floor. Hopefully, Lila wouldn’t spot them if she tried to do something rash. 

“Is everything okay, Adrien?” Marinette asked, her face tinged pink. 

“Not...not completely. Lila was following and eavesdropping on me all day.” 

Marinette gasped, covering her mouth. “That’s sick!” 

“Yes, I agree. I’m not quite sure what she was looking for, but I’m fairly certain she’s spying for my father.” 

Marinette squeezed his arm. “I’m so sorry, Adrien. If I knew how to help...” 

“I should be the one apologizing.” He said, genuine sadness in his voice. He had hoped solving Adrien’s problems would have helped Marinette out, but he worried it would be the opposite. 

“What do you have to apologize for?”

He took her hands, holding them delicately in his own. “I told you that I made a deal with her to get you back into school. But…”

She whispered. “Adrien...” 

He touched her face, ever so gently, laying the charm on thick. “Marinette, I care about you so much, and if I could avoid this I would, but...” 

“But what?” 

“Lila’s made it clear that she’s taking this feud I’m having with my father personally. She’s going to take whatever chance she can get to go back on our agreement. She’s going to go after you again.” He shook his head, conjuring tears into his eyes. “I can’t bear to see you hurt by her!” 

“Oh Adrien!” She gasped, before throwing her arms around him. “Please don’t cry. I can handle her, honest.” 

“I have a plan in motion,” he clarified, squeezing her. “She won’t get away with her lies and harassment for much longer. I just need you to be strong.” 

“Whatever you need, just let me know. You don’t have to do this alone.” 

“I know. Thank you, Marinette. Now, I have to go before Lila escapes my trap.” 

Her smile was genuine and full of gratitude. “I’ll see you tomorrow then! Bye!” 

Eager to take what head way he could get, Plagg pressed a kiss to Marinette’s cheek before hurrying away. 

He missed her squealing and dancing after he turned his back. 

—

“I really dislike that sausage-haired cretin.” Plagg muttered as he walked home. “It’s one thing to lie to get attention, but for her to spy on us all day? Talk about creepy!”

“Thank you for warning Marinette,” Adrien said as he floated by his shoulder. “I agree that Lila is looking for any opportunity to go back to bullying her. I think with the warning, she’ll be able to come up with some way to protect herself.” 

“Nothing against your lady’s ability to find solutions, since that is her job as Ladybug, but I don’t know what kind of back up plan she can have against a compulsive liar. Why is every adult in Paris so gullible?” 

“I have a theory,” Adrien suggested. “They aren’t gullible. They just see a pretty young girl crying and they just go along with whatever she says to make it stop. They just assume she’s exaggerating or something.” 

“Good observation,” Plagg commended. “I agree.”  

“But I think we should put off worrying about Lila for a bit and focus on my father. He hasn’t seen you since Friday morning when you serenaded him. I can’t imagine he’s going to be happy to see you.” 

“Adrien, we’ve been over this. I can handle a grown ass adult throwing a temper tantrum. There’s only two things he hasn’t tried yet, and they’re both pretty extreme. I don’t know if he has it in him. I called his bluff before, anyways.” 

“What two things?” 

“Having me arrested...or getting violent. I dared him to hit me and he swore he never would. I just can’t imagine he was telling the truth.” 

“Are you trying to drive him to it?”

“I’m trying to drive him to a place of ‘I give up, what do you want’? Hopefully we can talk, and he’ll come to see you aren’t a child anymore. As much as I think your dear old dad is capable of being a butt head, I think he’s also capable of understanding. He is a successful businessman after all. Business doesn’t come without a little mercy.” 

“That’s a...way to look at it...” 

At that point, they reached the mansion, and Adrien returned to the pocket. 

Plagg decided not to ring the doorbell, and instead climbed the wall. 

He strolled very nonchalantly up to the front door, and entered, slamming the door shut behind him. 

Then he waited three seconds. 

“1...2...”

“Adrien!” Gabriel rushed out of his office. “I didn’t expect you home already.” 

“Because Lila didn’t text you with my location?” 

Gabriel just stared, slightly wide-eyed and pale. 

Caught red handed. 

“She is spying on me for you, right? This isn’t just her stalking me on her own. She’s not smart enough for that.” 

“I—“ 

“So what? You don’t know how to communicate with me so you go to the only person in my class that I not only dislike, but has a record of compulsive lying? Seriously? You thought that was your best option?” 

“You do not get to lecture me about my choices!” Gabriel barked. 

But Plagg just shook his head. “You make no sense to me.”

“My decisions and actions don’t have to make sense to you. You are my child, and you will obey me! Do you understand?” 

Plagg just gave him a patient smile. Arguing with him never went anywhere, because Gabriel always turned his ears off the second Adrien said something he didn’t want to hear. 

Which was anything that wasn’t “yes sir.”

“I understand what you want. But I can’t give it to you. You haven’t listened to what I’ve said. You’re so caught up in injustice, that you haven’t seen how your yelling has affected me. I’m just pulling farther and farther away. Do you want to lose me for good? Is that what you want? Because that’s the road you’re heading down. I’m 15 now. Three years of this, and I could easily move away and never speak to you again after how badly you’ve treated me.” 

“I do not treat you badly! Have you ever gone without food? Without a soft bed? Without clothes or showers? No! You have it better than most people in this city.” 

“You’re right, I should be without want or need. But you’ve severely neglected my heart. Gabriel, I’m lonely, and sad. I’m disappointed every time you break a promise. I can go anywhere and have food and shelter and whatever, but only you can give me the love of my father.” 

Gabriel was silent at this, staring at his son, his lips in a firm line. 

“So I’m going to go. I’m staying with some friends for a while. Just to give you a taste of what it’s like without me. If you like it, then, when I’m 18, I’ll leave, and never come back.” 

Gabriel looked to the ground, but found himself unable to say anything. Plagg ascended the stairs, and went into Adrien’s room. 

“I don’t want to leave…” Adrien said, quietly. “I’d rather stay and…” 

“And do nothing?”

Adrien looked away. 

“Look,” said Plagg, directing his chin up. “Your father is a hard nut to crack. We just have to push harder and harder. Do you still trust me?”

“What choice do I have?”

“It’s going to be okay, kid.” He rubbed his thumb over his whiskers. “I promise.” 

He packed up his duffel that he had taken for his sleepover, and came back down the stairs. 

Gabriel was right where he left him. “So, you’re going? Just like that?” 

“At this point, I think it’s for the best. Just for a little while. Give us both some perspective.” 

“You’ll regret it,” he warned. 

“Maybe. But what’s there to learn from if I don’t make mistakes?” 

Gabriel didn’t stop him as he walked out the door. 

After he left, Nathalie emerged from the office. “Your son is surprisingly mature for his age.” 

“No, he’s stubborn. Just like his mother. I give him three days before he comes crawling back.” 

“And if he doesn’t?” 

“Then I’ll make him come back.” 

—

Chat Noir bounded over rooftops at sunset. He had a destination in mind, and getting spotted by Lila or one of Gabriel’s other goons would ruin it all. 

After traveling in circles, he finally reached the Lahiffe house and stopped on the fire escape outside Nino’s room. 

Nino looked up at the sound. “Oh dude!” 

“Nino Lahiffe, the time has come.” Said Plagg in his ancient voice. “This is the Miraculous of the Dude.” He opened his hand to show a single Hersey’s kiss. “You will use it for the greater bro-kind, and let me crash here for the foreseeable future, as I have run away from home.” 

“Dude...” Nino took it reverently. “I will fulfill my sacred oath...but you should probably come in through the front door, and we should kind of explain this to my mom, or she’s going to wonder how you got in the house.” 

“True. Meet you downstairs in five!” 

—

Marinette laid in her bed, eyes trained to the sky through the sky-light, hands clutching a pillow tightly to her chest. 

She sighed.

The sound made Tikki roll her eyes. She knew Plagg was hamming it up, but did he have to be so…charming?! 

“Tikki…” Marinette announced, after mooning for over an hour. “I think…I think I can tell him tomorrow.” 

The words were music to her ears! Finally! “You can do it Marinette!” 

Then a shadow passed Marinette’s face as the worst past through her mind. “But what if he hasn’t been earnest? What if the way he’s been acting has just been to get back at his father or Lila?” 

Tikki almost groaned. “Marinette, Adrien loves you. He really really loves you! The way he pulled you aside today and warned you about what was going to happen with Lila? He didn’t do that for anyone but you. That was real care! The longer you beat around the bush, the more you’re putting off your own happiness. And you don’t want that, do you?”

Marinette sat up, resolve hardening. “Tomorrow then. I’ll tell him tomorrow, and get my happily ever after.”

[dailytafsirofquran]

Tafsir Ibn Kathir: Surah Al-Baqarah Ayah 126-128

Part 2

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

126. And (remember) when Ibrahim said, "My Lord, make this city (Makkah) a place of security and provide its people with fruits, such of them as believe in Allah and the Last Day.''

He (Allah) answered: "As for him who disbelieves, I shall leave him in contentment for a while, then I shall compel him to the torment of the Fire, and worst indeed is that destination!''

127. And (remember) when Ibrahim and (his son) Ismail were raising the foundations of the House (the Ka`bah at Makkah), (saying), "Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us. Verily, You are the Hearer, the Knower.''

128. "Our Lord! And make us submissive unto You and of our offspring a nation submissive unto You, and show us our Manasik, and accept our repentance. Truly, You are the One Who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful.

Building the Ka`bah and asking Allah to accept This Deed

Allah said,

And (remember) when Ibrahim (Abraham) and (his son) Ismail (Ishmael) were raising the foundations of the House (the Ka`bah at Makkah), (saying), "Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us. Verily, You are the Hearer, the Knower.

Allah said,

"O Muhammad! Remind your people when Ibrahim and Ismail built the House and raised its foundations while saying (Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us. Verily, You are the Hearer, the Knower).''

Al-Qurtubi mentioned that Ubayy and Ibn Mas`ud used to recite the Ayah this way, And (remember) when Ibrahim and (his son) Ismail were raising the foundations of the House (the Ka`bah at Makkah), Saying, "Our Lord!

Accept (this service) from us. Verily, You are the Hearer, the Knower.''

What further testifies to this statement (which adds `saying' to the Ayah) by Ubayy and Ibn Mas`ud, is what came afterwards, (Our Lord! And make us submissive unto You and of our offspring a nation submissive unto You).

The Prophets Ibrahim and Ismail were performing a good deed, yet they asked Allah to accept this good deed from them.

Ibn Abi Hatim narrated that; Wuhayb bin Al-Ward recited, (And (remember) when Ibrahim and (his son) Ismail were raising the foundations of the House (the Ka`bah at Makkah), (saying), "Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us'') and cried and said, "O Khalil of Ar-Rahman! You raise the foundations of the House of Ar-Rahman (Allah), yet you are afraid that He will not accept it from you''

This is the behavior of the sincere believers, whom Allah described in His statement,     And those who give that which they give, (23:60), meaning, they give away voluntary charity, and perform the acts of worship yet, (with their hearts full of fear) (23: 60) afraid that these good deeds might not be accepted of them.

There is an authentic Hadith narrated by Aishah on this subject, which we will mention later, Allah willing.

Al-Bukhari recorded that Ibn Abbas said,

"Prophet Ibrahim took Ismail and his mother and went away with them until he reached the area of the House, where he left them next to a tree above Zamzam in the upper area of the Masjid.

During that time, Ismail's mother was still nursing him. Makkah was then uninhabited, and there was no water source in it. Ibrahim left them there with a bag containing some dates and a waterskin containing water.

Ibrahim then started to leave, and Ismail's mother followed him and said, `O Ibrahim! To whom are you leaving us in this barren valley that is not inhabited?' She repeated the question several times and Ibrahim did not reply.

She asked, `Has Allah commanded you to do this?'

He said, `Yes.'

She said, `I am satisfied that Allah will never abandon us.'

Ibrahim left, and when he was far enough away where they could not see him, close to Thaniyyah, he faced the House, raised his hands and supplicated, (O our Lord! I have made some of my offspring to dwell in an uncultivable valley by Your Sacred House (the Ka`bah at Makkah)) until, (Give thanks) (14:37).

Ismail's mother then returned to her place, started drinking water from the water-skin and nursing Ismail. When the water was used up, she and her son became thirsty. She looked at him, and he was suffering from thirst; she left, because she disliked seeing his face in that condition. She found the nearest mountain to where she was, As-Safa, ascended it and looked, in vain, hoping to see somebody. When she came down to the valley, she raised her garment and ran, just as a tired person runs, until she reached the Al-Marwah mountain. In vain, she looked to see if there was someone there. She ran to and fro (between the two mountains) seven times.''

Ibn Abbas said that the Messenger of Allah said,

"This is why the people make the trip between As-Safa and Al-Marwah (during Hajj and Umrah).''

"When she reached Al-Marwah, she heard a voice and said, `Shush,' to herself. She tried to hear the voice again and when she did, she said,

`I have heard you. Do you have relief?'

She found the angel digging with his heel (or his wing) where Zamzam now exists, and the water gushed out.

Ismail's mother was astonished and started digging, using her hand to transfer water to the water-skin.''

Ibn Abbas said that the Prophet then said,

"May Allah grant His mercy to the mother of Ismail, had she left the water, (flow naturally without her intervention), it would have been flowing on the surface of the earth.''

"Ismail's mother started drinking the water and her milk increased for her child.

The angel (Gabriel) said to her, `Do not fear abandonment. There shall be a House for Allah built here by this boy and his father. Allah does not abandon His people.'

During that time, the area of the House was raised above ground level and the floods used to reach its right and left sides.

Afterwards some people of the tribe of Jurhum, passing through Kada', made camp at the bottom of the valley. They saw some birds, they were astonished, and said, `Birds can only be found at a place where there is water. We did not notice before that this valley had water.'

They sent a scout or two who searched the area, found the water, and returned to inform them about it. Then they all went to Ismail's mother, next to the water, and said, `O Mother of Ismail!

Will you allow us to be with you (or dwell with you)?'

She said, `Yes. But you will have no exclusive right to the water here.'

They said, `We agree.'''

Ibn Abbas said that the Prophet said,

"At that time, Ismail's mother liked to have human company.''

"And thus they stayed there and sent for their relatives to join them. Later on, her boy reached the age of puberty and married a lady from them, for Ismail learned Arabic from them, and they liked the way he was raised. Ismail's mother died after that.

Then an idea occurred to Abraham to visit his dependents. So he left (to Makkah). When he arrived, he did not find Ismail, so he asked his wife about him. She said, `He has gone out hunting.'

When he asked her about their living conditions, she complained to him that they live in misery and poverty.

Abraham said (to her), `When your husband comes, convey my greeting and tell him to change the threshold of his gate.'

When Ismail came, he sensed that they had a visitor and asked his wife, `Did we have a visitor?'

She said, `Yes. An old man came to visit us and asked me about you, and I told him where you were. He also asked about our condition, and I told him that we live in hardship and poverty.'

Ismail said, `Did he ask you to do anything?'

She said, `Yes. He asked me to convey his greeting and that you should change the threshold of your gate.'

Ismail said to her, `He was my father and you are the threshold, so go to your family (i.e. you are divorced).'

So he divorced her and married another woman. Again Ibrahim thought of visiting his dependents whom he had left (at Makkah). Ibrahim came to Ismail's house, but did not find Ismail and asked his wife, `Where is Ismail?'

Ismail's wife replied, `He has gone out hunting.'

He asked her about their condition, and she said that they have a good life and praised Allah. Ibrahim asked, `What is your food and what is your drink?'

She replied, `Our food is meat and our drink is water.'

He said, `O Allah! Bless their meat and their drink.'''

The Prophet (Muhammad) said,

"They did not have crops then, otherwise Ibrahim would have invoked Allah to bless that too. Those who do not live in Makkah cannot bear eating a diet only containing meat and water.''

"Ibrahim said, `When Ismail comes back, convey my greeting to him and ask him to keep the threshold of his gate.'

When Ismail came back, he asked, `Has anyone visited us?'

She said, `Yes. A good looking old man,' and she praised Ibrahim, `And he asked me about our livelihood and I told him that we live in good conditions.'

He asked, `Did he ask you to convey any message?'

She said, `Yes. He conveyed his greeting to you and said that you should keep the threshold of your gate.'

Ismail said, `That was my father, and you are the threshold; he commanded me to keep you.'

Ibrahim then came back visiting and found Ismail behind the Zamzam well, next to a tree, mending his arrows. When he saw Ibrahim, he stood up and they greeted each other, just as the father and son greet each other.

Ibrahim said, `O Ismail, Your Lord has ordered me to do something.'

He said, `Obey your Lord.'

He asked Ismail, `Will you help me?'

He said, `Yes, I will help you.'

Ibrahim said, `Allah has commanded me to build a house for Him there,' and he pointed to an area that was above ground level.

So, both of them rose and started to raise the foundations of the House. Abraham started building (the Ka`bah), while Ismail continued handing him the stones. Both of them were saying, `O our Lord ! Accept (this service) from us, Verily, You are the Hearing, the Knowing.' (2.127).'''

Hence, they were building the House, part by part, going around it and saying, (Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us. Verily, You are the Hearer, the Knower).

[queennicoleinboots]

Office Woes, part 1 (Michael the Great Arc Angel POV)

It was yet another day amidst a pandemic of the Coronavirus and spiritual warfare. It was my appointed task from Ahayah, the true creator of this world and all worlds, that I was to protect and serve the people of Gwinnett County, Georgia. I also was appointed to protect the people of Walton and Clarke Counties by Xara Nahara Campinelli. I am honored to be Michael the Great Arc Angel.

Once again, I spent my morning flying over people who had no concept of how to drive. They were going the wrong way through the intersections, shoving their cell phones in their butts while driving, and playing rap sounds. Rap is not a form of music. It offends me and Ahayah. When I hear it, I burn the source of the sound with laser eye beams. If I hear the "Ooh shit! You Got Coronavirus" song one more time, I plan to stomp on the vehicle where the car is coming from and of course spare the life of the son of a bitch who played that song.

In other news, a goat in a suit and tie was jacking off while he drove. He looked like Paul the Goat, the same goat who helped with quality control of produce in Kroger later that day.

At least Gwinnett County drivers weren't as terrible as those in Conyers, GA. It was truly the city of apes. Every time I fly over that city, my Intelligent Quotient drains from my mind and soul. I have to walk tall among the apes because my large angel wings don't work there. I question my angelic nature when I am there. I am the man on the fence who shrugs his shoulders. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. So I acted like an ape until I could fly again. I'm still in therapy with Ahayah about that issue. I go twice a month.

I arrived at the office in my majestic splendor. The cops and I saluted each other as I walked in the building. Goats, humans, arc angels, and bears were processing paperwork and bitching at the pigs who did dispatch. I had to process the paperwork, call Paw Patrol, a series of small dogs who were good at life, if any social services were required, and sing if any babies or mothers were upset at or around each other. My baritone voice calms down the general populace.

"Good morning! Good morning!" Ned, a short goat with glasses, brown curly hair, and a white shirt with a pocket protector, shouted. He bleated.

"Good morning. What's the situation?" I asked as I walked with strength to my desk.

"Gwinnet County hasn't burned to the ground yet. Melissa is late for work. La Bamba in Walton County is running a special of five tacos for five dollars. Ricky Valens hasn't been brought back to life to sing 'La Bamba.' Satan still thinks he is going to win the spiritual war going on outside. And BLM hasn't been summoned yet. CERN is still at large opening portals to hell. Edward Snowden is alive and in prison. We still have no access to the Vatican's telescope on Mount Graham in Arizona," Ned took a deep breath before continuing. "And the son of a bitch delivery boy from Grub Hub spilled my drink on the desk."

"Very good. I authorize a pardon for Melissa's lateness. She is at a meeting with Ahayah. I think it's about female stuff," I spoke, but then shouted. "WHY THE FUCK HASN'T RICHY VALENS been brought back to life? He is supposed to sing a cover of 'Earth Angel' at NOON!!!"

"I'm sorry. The pigs at Dispatch are fucking up the resurrection spell!" Ned shouted.

"AAAAHHHH!!!! Ahayah, guide me! I need the voice of Richy Valens! I need to practice singing so that the 'Earth Angel' can bless Georgia," I shouted.

All of a sudden, I heard "Oooooooh Donna!" come out of my mouth in Richy Valen's voice. I sang "Donna" to calm the pigs at Dispatch and to the children who needed Child Protective Services.

Melissa the Great Arc Angel flew through the door. Her brown hair flowed in the air as she descended into the office. Her blue eyes showed fury in them. "Sorry I'm late. I would have been later if Richy Valens wasn't singing. Thank you, Richy Valens," she said in a strong voice as she went to her desk. "When are we going to lunch? La Bamba is running a special on five tacos for five dollars, and I'm ready to get my dance on?"

"No problem. This beats working for the Angel of Death for seven years. Those stories are still great to tell at parties. Unfortunately, I had to steal the soul of a Richy Valens fan one time. Did I mention that I was the one who stole the soul of Courtney Love? Her music was okay, but she needed to stay off the drugs," I said as I printed documents for the pigs at Dispatch to deal with. I would hate to be those sons and daughters of possible bitches. "Also, I think lunch will be after the singing of 'Earth Angel.'"

Melissa the Great Arc Angel laughed loudly. "I took the soul of Kurt Cobain. I was singing Nirvana songs for weeks afterward. I'd like to talk about it at lunch," she said as she sent faxes to the Gwinnett County Fire Department. She added a snarky office chuckle.

"Good riddance. Eddie Vedder has a much better voice. I'd rather hear those stories," I said. "Why couldn't you take his soul?"

"Excuse me! Ahayah required him to live!" Melissa the Great Arc Angel said vehemently. "Would you like to talk about our back story to the new hires?" Her blue eyes and smile sparkled.

"True. But still, Kurt Cobain? How about the son of a bitch who is the lead singer if Smashing Pumpkins. That mother fucker is talented," I said. "Also! Back stories are NEVER to be discussed with new hires! George Lucas specifically made that a rule! Those are strictly for the break room!" I slammed my fist on my desk.

"Billy needed to tell his life story on the Joe Rogan show, and NOT to the new hires on set. Sorry, Michael. He and I both have the same question. Is making music really something that has to involve signing your life away to these record labels?" Melissa the Great Arc Angel asked.

"He had no idea what he got himself into until it was too late," I said before the printer jammed. I looked at it before I said, "You son of a bitch I don't have time for this shit!"

The printer was jamming up and malfunctioning.

"Yes, you asshole, you already printed this page," I said to the printer.

The printer then started printing in Spanish.

"Do any of the pigs in this office read Spanish?!" I asked. I understood Spanish, but it wasn't my job to deal with these notes.

The pigs were oinking up a storm as they called the police, firemen, rent-a-cops, sanitation workers, other dispatch offices, and churches.

I sighed. I took the notes to the pigs. Fuck it. They can figure it out.

A female pig linked and looked at the notes. "Ay caca! Otra vez de los hijos! Mama y papa estupidos hijos de las putas!" She started swearing in Spanish at Child Protective Services. Those kids were forced to wear clown suits and make videos to entertain the country clubs in Gwinnett County. I was hot with rage.

"THOSE BASTARDS HAVE PLENTY OF ENTERTAINMENT!!! CHILD CLOWNS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE!" I shouted. The son of a bitch printer was still jammed.

What I read next was astounding. And I quote:

"An irate woman called the sheriff's department, the fire department, CNN, Fox News, and Todd from Myspace.com. She reported that Publix had moved the 'Whole Golden Kernel' corn 30 feet down the aisle from where it had been for over 20 years. The whole customer base was an outrage and wanted to beat the store owner's ass."

I screamed. "WHY THE FUCK DID THEY MOVE THE CORN????!!!" I shouted. I was so angry at all of this bullshit that I ripped the printer out of the wall and started beating the hell out of it with the sword.

"WHY THE FUCK WEREN'T THE POLICE CALLED FIVE MINUTES AGO?!" a bitchy pig from Dispatch asked.

"Michael the Great Arc Angel is beating the hell out of the printer!" Ned answered the bitchy pig.

"WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING THAT?!" she asked.

"I DON'T KNOW! LET ME ASK!" Ned shouted. "MICHAEL THE GREAT ARC ANGEL, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BEATING THE PRINTER?!"

"I'M FIXING IT!!!" I shouted. "Goddamn mudder fudder..." I spoke in tongues at the printer as the reel ended up on the other side of the office. The black ink covered the dark green carpet which had ugly pink spots. The ink improved the carpet.

Miraculously, I fixed the printer and had it in working condition. Now that's what I call Imformation Technology! Orders were backed up, so the papers sprouted wings and flew to their respective desks. Everyone in the office was swearing as they tried to file paperwork. The pigs and bears were using the extra copies of the documents to wipe their asses.

Gabriel the Great Arc Angel burned his extra copies to relieve stress and anxiety. He also hired Peter Griffin for midday beer runs.

A call came in.

"Hello!" I shouted.

"Excuse me, sir. Are you sexually frustrated?" the caller asked.

I sighed and transferred that call to the pigs.

I was filing paperwork and checking E-mails before another call came in. "HELLO!!!" I shouted.

"Hello. Guiseppe would like to speak to you regarding business with the Mafia, Atlanta Chapter!" a guido sang to me.

"GODDAMMIT I TOLD YOU TO NEVER CALL ME ON THIS LINE!!!!" I shouted as I stood up and shot death lasers through my eyes at the wall in my cubicle that permanent permanent burn marks. The roof became temporarily detached from the building.

Ned came in and threw a cup of coffee at me before he galloped out of the office for a break.

I caught the coffee and drank it as I stared at that burn mark. The Guido transferred me to over to the Atlanta Mafia. The leader was a bear who was growling at me.

I growled in fluent bear and explained that there was a restraining order in place, and that those Italian bears were not to contact me. I faxed the documents proving that my loans were forgiven by Ahayah.

"SORRY! I WON'T BOTHER YOU AGAIN! THANK YOU!" the leader bear shouted as he hung up.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH BASTARD!!!" Melissa the Great Arc Angel screamed. "Send the fax to the Gwinnett County Medical Center you son of a bitch! PEOPLE'S LIVES ARE AT STAKE!!!" She was beating the desk near the fax machine.

I sighed, took a deep breath, and did what any responsible Great Arc Angel would do: rip the fax machine out of the wall and bang it against the top of my head several times over.

A black pig who looked like Mr. T just stared at me and asked, "What the fuck are you doing now?!"

"FIXING THE FAX MACHINE!" I shouted before the phone rang in my office.

Everyone else was too busy cussing at whatever to answer my phone. One exceptionally large male pig even screamed, "YES I AM SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT???!!!" So I walked over to my phone while I was still beating the fax machine against my head. Melissa the Great Arc Angel was singing "Part of that World" in Ariel from The Little Mermaid to someone on her phone line.

I answered the phone and started screaming and continued to beat the fax machine against the top of my head.

There was a pause at the other end of the line before a goat bleated.

I bleated, "I'm sorry we haven't faxed over the instructions to the EMTs at the Gwinnett County Medical Center. Our fax machine needs fixed."

He bleated, "That's some bullshit. A man is liberally being suffocated by COVID-19!"

I bleated, "Couldn't I just text the instructions over?" I was all the while beating the fax machine on my head.

He bleated, "I wish. Group texts never work. OH SHIT THE SONG IS PLAYING!"

I beat the fax machine to the rhythm of the "Ooh shit You Got Coronavirus!" song. I even added a dance as I finished beating the fax machine against my head. The damn thing was fixed, so I plugged it back into the wall near Melissa the Great Arc Angel. She was now singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" in Ursula's voice. I think she was talking about everyone on Earth.

I bleated, "I'll be right over!" I then hung up the phone and flew the fuck out of the office at the speed of Superman. I used to be Superman until an orange female cat named Kissy meowed a great meow and called upon the Heavens in Swamp Business. Ahayah appointed me to answer the call of Kissy Anne Campinelli and gave me the title Great Arc Angel.

As I flew out of the office, a pterodactyl flew in and started screaming her head off. A goat spilled coffee and bleated swear words. That was a typical day at the office. My wings beat against the wind and rain outside. I sighed and flew over cars that were hydroplaning.

One of the cars was playing DarthSydePhineas nerd rap, and as much as I hate rap most of the time, this mother fucker is talented. I can see why Xara and Count Colonel Mac listen to this guy. I wanted to get on the ground and dance, but I had a life to save at the Gwinnett County Medical Center.

Some dumbass in a piece of shit sedan ran a red light in the middle of this storm. He was playing "Yeah!" by DarthSydePhil as he was speeding on the stream road: https://youtu.be/aZ7iZrpB2Lc

"No. Fuck this guy," I said as I sounded like DarthSydePhineas and swooped from the sky and lifted this guy off the road.

He screamed like the little bitch ass bitch he was.

I screamed back. "That's what I think of you. You damn near ran into that 2000 Toyota Tacoma who was rightfully trying to turn left. You're a bitch," I said.

"Am I going to hell?" the bitchass young kid driver asked.

"Not necessarily. It isn't my choice," I said as I flew his ass to the Gwinnett County Medical Center.

"I Spawn, I Die!" by DarthSydePhineas started playing from his radio. I agreed with the lyrics of the song: https://youtu.be/gVq03wz6DeA

"Where are you taking me?" the bitch ass bitch asked.

"To Gwinnett Medical Center. I have lives to save there. I am required to sing "Earth Angel" by Harry Waters, Jr. and Marvin Berry," I said.

"Who the fuck are they?" he asked. DarthSydePhineas was now talking bullshit about Fall Guys, a new video game in which everyone looks like a minion from Despicable Me.

"Musicians," I said before I threw that piece of shit sedan into the heavens. DarthSydePhineas's voice was fading away as his car flew the fuck into the sky. The last thing I heard DarthSydePhineas say "Oh shit. I got screwed!!!"

I descended into the Emergency Room and sang in my full baritone voice "Earth Angel" to an elderly couple that was close to death. It was then noon.

"Earth angel, Earth angel, will you be mine?

My darling dear, love you all the time.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

Earth angel, Earth angel, the one I adore

Love you for ever, and ever more.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

I fell for you, and I knew

The vision of your love's loveliness.

I hope and I pray, that some day

I'll be the vision of your hap, happiness.

Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine.

My darling dear, love you all the time.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

I fell for you, and I knew

The vision of your love's loveliness.

I hope and I pray, that some day

I'll be the vision, the vision of your happiness.

Oh, oh, oh, Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine.

My darling dear, love you for all time.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you."

The elderly couple ascended to heaven. Everyone was emotionally moved by this Code 1 situation, in which sirens and lights were sounding on cop cars around us.

The goat bleated and cried. "Thank you, Michael the Great Arc Angel," he said. "We are distraught. Can you sing songs to calm our nerves so that we can deal with living with this miserable world?"

A goat doctor announced, "They died from Covid-19. We get $8,000 from the federal government, but this situation is still sad."

I sang "Amazing Grace," "We Shall Overcome," "Like A Shepherd Who Feeds His Flock," "One Bread One Body," and "Ave Maria."

After my last note in "Ave Maria," a disgruntled pig called me.

"What code?" I sang in my booming baritone voice.

"CODE 1! A grass monster is attacking Dunkin Donuts in Snellville!" the pig screamed before he snorted and hung up.

I flew out of the Gwinnett County Medical Center and to Dunkin Donuts. A church choir was singing in the sidewalk. I sang a few notes before I damn near ran into Aladdin and Jasmine on the magical flying carpet. I sang a few notes before saying, "This fly zone is for government officials only!"

The grass monster was eating the donuts as he terrorized the customers of Dunkin Donuts.

I flew down in splendor as I flapped my large white wings for effect. My eyes were blue with rage. I stared at the grass monster. "Did you pay for those donuts?" I asked.

"YES! They fucked my order up. They forgot to add the corn to my cornbread donuts. Sons of bitches!!" the grass monster yelled as he ate the top of the restaurant.

"THOSE BASTARDS!" I shouted. "Did you kill anyone?"

"Not yet. Most of those assholes ran out of the building. Fuck them," the grass monster said as he ate the building.

"Good. Fuck them indeed. Anyway, I am heading to a better restaurant for lunch, care to join?" I asked.

"Hell yes. Where?" the grass monster asked.

"La Bamba," I answered.

"Ooooh. I love Mexican!" the grass Monster shouted.

"Let us go!" I shouted as I picked him up and flew out of there. What was left of the Dunkin Donuts building somehow became on fire. It was time for my lunch break. I didn't give a fuck. That Dunkin Donuts was horrible anyway.

We flew up so high in the sky that no one saw us. The grass monster was shouting with joy as we flew in the sky. Our descent was a bit rough. Aladdin and Jasmine were flying in the correct zone on their magic carpet.

"Excuse me! We're trying to get to La Bamba!" I shouted.

"Oh God! We always eat there! I'm trying to find a decent Middle Eastern Cuisine!" Jasmine shouted.

"Dilja Cafe Lounge in Decatur, GA," the grass monster said as we continued our descent into Loganville, GA.

"Thank you! Some asshole grass monster devoured the one we used to go to!" Aladdin called.

"The building tasted better than the food!" the grass monster called back.

We descended in the Loganville Crossing parking lot near La Bamba a few minutes later. I put the grass monster down before I brushed myself off.

He went in the restaurant. After flapping my wings to ensure no grass blades were on me, I walked in the restaurant.

Richy Valens was brought back to life. He was singing "La Bamba" in La Bamba! I hope to Goodness no one was going to say "La Bamba in La Bamba!" PeeWee Herman would be all over that.

Richy Valens's face was deep-faked on Melissa's body. Deep faking is a technology in which someone else's face can be programmed on your body. It's basic, really. I deep-faked Illidan's face on Grom Hellscream's face so many times when I played World of Warcraft, a popular multiplayer massive online roleplaying game.

I ordered the five tacos for five dollar special. The grass monster ordered the loaded nachos. He ate like crazy.

Richy Valens then returned to Heaven after he sang the song using Melissa the Great Arc Angel's body. Her face had returned.

"I'm starving!" she shouted as she stole one of my tacos.

"I PAID A DOLLAR FOR THAT!!!!" I shouted. The roof accidentally flew up from the restaurant. It then returned to its normal state.

"Sorry," she said as she finished her taco and ordered 50 tacos for $50. She WAS hungry.

"You will pay me back by not MENTIONING a back story on this restaurant," I said.

"I wasn't-" Melissa the Great Arc Angel started to say.

[whatarubberchicken]

Eat Adrien

Written for the Silly Songs with Ladybug challenge. I got “Eat Randy” by Julian Smith, so (of course!) I had to do this. (@lnc2 I blame you entirely, and I want you to know that I almost spent money to buy some good editing software to make a music video instead. Luckily, common sense prevailed.)

I hope you all enjoy!

Ao3 -or- ff.net

Eat Adrien

Of all the truths in this world, Marinette was absolutely certain of one: she hated Hawkmoth. Not only did the supervillain make an entire city fear their own emotions, but he did it at all hours of the night! They needed an “akuma-free” hour or something, just so people could let out all the frustration building up inside.

And if God were good, they’d make it be the middle of the night, so she could get some sleep!

Ladybug landed on her balcony and felt her transformation fall away. Undoubtedly, Tikki was as exhausted as she was.

“Ugh, doesn’t Hawkmoth know about working hours?” the poor girl sniffled, climbing down into her room.

“Be careful, Marinette,” Tikki warned, swooping down to curl up on her own little pillow. “If you work much harder, you’re going to catch a cold.”

“It’s just a headache,” Marinette insisted, flopping down on her bed. “Just a bit of sleep and I’ll be right as rain….”

She drifted off before she could hear Tikki’s reply.

It wasn’t just a headache. She could tell from her stuffy nose and watery eyes. She was sick. And it was all Hawkmoth’s fault, keeping them outside in the rain all night…. Oh, when she finally met him, she was gonna kick him so hard!

“Maybe you should stay home today,” Tikki suggested, watching her get ready for school.

“I can’t,” Marinette groaned. “I’ve skipped too many classes to be Ladybug! Miss Bustier said if I miss any more school, for any reason, there’s going to be an official inquiry sent to my parents! Again! I can’t be suspended, Tikki, I just can’t! I’ll be fine. If it gets worse, I’ll take some cold medicine. That should help me get through the day.” To show she was serious, she slipped the bottle of cold medicine into her bag and headed downstairs.

She really hoped Hawkmoth was having a bad day too.

Miles away, an international investor in Gabriel decided that investing in a company based in a city full of supervillains and monsters was too much of a risk and decided to pull their support.

Nathalie’s eye twitched when she went to tell her boss the bad news.

Marinette gave herself credit in getting through most of the morning without incident (Alya just thought she was super tired from staying up too late). But, less than an hour to lunch, she felt her runny nose sneaking up on her again. And if she started sniffling and sneezing in the classroom—well, she decided to nip it in the bud and asked to go to the restroom, where she took a generous dose of her cold medicine.

Tikki glared at her, still convinced she should be home in bed. But Marinette just ignored the tiny red bug. She could do this! And after school, then she’d take a nap.

...

Marinette was acting stranger than usual, Alya thought. Sure, she was always kind of a ditz, but she usually took her schoolwork seriously (when she could be bothered to show up for class). Today, however, she was practically propping her head up!

Poor girl. Must’ve been up late last night, thinking up new, convoluted ways to tell Adrien how she felt.

The lunch bell rang.

“C’mon, girl,” Alya said, nudging her friend awake as Miss Bustier left the classroom, “are you going home or eating in the cafeteria today? They’re having some kind of special that they claim is steak.”

“Doesn’t sound special to me,” Marinette muttered.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Yay, mystery meat!”

“Hmm, I’d rather eat Adrien.”

“I—WHAT??” Alya exclaimed, turning her full attention to her best friend. Across the aisle, Mylene and Alix burst into snickers, obviously having heard that. Behind them, Ivan chuckled.

But it got worse. Sitting below them, Nino had covered his mouth with his hand and Adrien was slowly turning in his seat, his eyes wide.

Chloé stood up, her eyes snapping fire. But before she could open her mouth to scream at her rival, Alix beat her to it.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, Marinette,” she drawled. “Blondie’s quite the snack.”

Most of their classes sniggered at that. If Marinette had been coherent, she probably would’ve died of shame. As it was… she was still half asleep.

“Not a snack,” she mumbled. “Adrien’s a three-course meal. Plus dessert. Mm hmm.”

Nino banged his head on his desk, shaking from suppressed laughter. The rest of their class was howling or crying with laughter. All except for Chloé, who Sabrina was physically restraining, and Adrien, who was staring at Marinette without blinking, his eyes wide as saucers.

“Is she okay?” he asked Alya, nearly whispering.

It was only due to the strict laws of sisterhood that Alya wasn’t joining in the laughter or recording all of this. But Marinette was going to be mortified when she heard about it, and she obviously wasn’t herself right now.

“C’mon, M, let’s get you home,” Alya said, lifting her friend from the table and trying damn hard not to bust a gut herself. Especially when….

“Home?” Marinette murmured, leaning heavily against her friend. “I’m gonna need a to-go box.”

Alya couldn’t bear it anymore and burst out laughing until tears seeped out her eyes. When she finally took a moment to breathe, she saw that Marinette’s bag had fallen and spilled open. She thought she saw a flash of red but dismissed it when her eyes alighted on a purple bottle.

“Oh, no wonder!” she exclaimed, scooping it up for the class to see. “Marinette’s not making any sense because she souped up on Nyquil!” She cleared her throat and glared at the class. “So, no making fun of her for any of this, any of you! She’s not in her right mind!”

“If she’s not in her right mind, she shouldn’t be in school!” Chloé snarled, struggling to get away from Sabrina.

“For once, I agree with you, Chloé,” Alya said. “C’mon, Nino, help me lift her.”

Her boyfriend sprang up to help her, both of them avoiding making eye-contact with the blond boy who’d been the subject of Marinette’s half-asleep talk.

Adrien stared after them as they left. Chloé finally wrenched herself free and ran to him.

“Are you okay, Adrikins?” she asked anxiously, searching his stunned-looking face. “Don’t pay attention to anything she said! I won’t let her touch you!” She ran out of the room, screaming something about getting Marinette expelled.

Adrien turned to the rest of the class, most of whom still had grins on their faces.

“Am I missing something important, or is Marinette…?” he asked, confused. He was even more confused when the whole class burst out laughing again. They were okay with this??

Alix grinned at him. “Yeah, blondie. You’re just a cinnamon roll that she wants served up with butter.”

“Poor girl needs a tall glass of water to go with you,” Kim jeered. “She seems to be quite thirsty.”

“God is good. God is great. Bless the Adrien on my plate,” Ivan chanted, mock-praying.

“Amen!” Juleka and Rose cheered together.

Adrien ran out of the room, chased by uproarious laughter.

“Plagg,” he hissed, terrified. “My class is full of cannibals!!”

....

End.

[thetruthseekerway]

The Hadith of Archangel Gabriel

New Post has been published on http://www.truth-seeker.info/does-god-exist/the-hadith-of-archangel-gabriel/

The Hadith of Archangel Gabriel

By Sachiko Murata, William C. Chittick

The Hadith of Archangel Gabriel

Umar ibn al-Khattab said: One day when we were with God’s messenger, a man with very white clothing and very black hair came up to us. No mark of travel was visible on him, and none of us recognized him. Sitting down before the Prophet, leaning his knees against his, and placing his hands on his thighs, he said, “Tell me, Muhammad, about submission.”

He replied, ‘Submission means that you should bear witness that there is no god but God and that Muhammad is God’s messenger, that you should perform the ritual prayer, pay the alms tax, fast during Ramadan, and make the pilgrimage to the House if you are able to go there.”

The man said, “You have spoken the truth.” We were surprised at his questioning him and then declaring that he had spoken the truth. He said “Now tell me about faith.”

He replied, “Faith means that you have faith in God, His angels, His books, His messengers, and the Last Day, and that you have faith in the measuring out, both its good and its evil.”

Remarking that he had spoken the truth, he then said, “Now tell me about doing what is beautiful.”

He replied, “Doing what is beautiful means that you should worship God as if you see Him, for even if you do not see Him, He sees you.”

Then the man said, “Tell me about the Hour”

The Prophet replied, “About that he who is questioned knows no more than the questioner.”

The man said, “Then tell me about its marks.”

He said, “The slave girl will give birth to her mistress, and you will see the barefoot, the naked, the destitute, and the shepherds vying with each other in building.”

Then the man went away. After I had waited for a long time, the Prophet said to me, “Do you know who the questioner was, ‘Umar?” I replied, “God and His messenger know best. “He said, “He was Gabriel. He came to teach you your religion. ”

To begin explaining the meaning of this hadith let us flesh it out by adding some background information that would be obvious to the original listeners but not to a reader situated many centuries and miles away.

Try to imagine the situation. The Messenger of God, at the time the greatest human being on the face of the earth (as far as his companions were concerned – and the historical record bears them out), is sitting at the edge of an oasis in Medina with a group of his companions, that is, people who have accepted that he is the mouthpiece of God. Suddenly a man appears whom no one recognizes.

Medina, at the time, is a tiny community in the midst of the desert (with a population of several hundred or perhaps a few thousand). Everyone knows everyone. If a traveler arrives, it is no small event, given the difficulty of travel and the small population. Everyone learns about new arrivals within hours. The system of personal relationships established by familial, tribal, and other bonds ensures that news is spread around much more efficiently than can ever be accomplished by today’s six o’clock news. A man appears whom no one knows, but no one has arrived in town for several days, except the uncle of so and so, whom several of them have already seen.

Not only do the companions fail to recognize the man, but he also shows no signs of travel, which is very strange. If they do not know him, then he must be a newly arrived traveler. Someone would not be able to freshen up that quickly after several days of travel in the desert, even if he had traveled only by night on the back of a camel. (You think you feel bad after six hours in a car-think of six days in the hottest and dustiest environment you can imagine, with no air-conditioned rest stops for coffee or soda.)

As soon as the man arrives, everyone is all ears. Who can this person be, and how did he get here without our knowing about it? Next strange fact: The man is obviously on familiar terms with the Prophet of God. He comes right up to him and kneels down in front of him, his knees against the Prophet’s knees. Notice that the Prophet himself is kneeling, not in prayer as modern Westerners might kneel, but simply because kneeling is, for most Orientals, the simplest and at the same time the most respectful way to sit. Remember that, even in houses, chairs were unheard of. People sat on the ground, as they still do in much of the world and this includes some of the richest and most sophisticated parts of the world, such as Japan. For most of the ancient world, chairs were the prerogative of kings.

You would not go right up to a person and kneel with your knees touching his unless he were, for example, your brother or a very close friend. The normal procedure, even if the person sitting there was just an ordinary person, would be to greet him from a respectful distance and keep the distance. But the stranger from the desert obviously knows Muhammad very well. He even places his hands upon Muhammad’s thighs, which would be an unheard of piece of effrontery if the man were a stranger. Then the man addresses Muhammad by his name, whereas people always address him by his title, Messenger of God. The man begins talking without introduction as if he had been part of the conversation all along.

Once Muhammad answers the man’s first question, the man says, “You have spoken the truth.” ‘Umar remarks, “We were surprised at his questioning him and then declaring that he had spoken the truth.” This is an enormous understatement. More likely, the companions were flabbergasted. What kind of insolence is this? To come up to God’s own messenger and begin to grill him, and then to pat him on the head as if he were a schoolboy! This is inconceivable. But then again, the companions took their clues from Muhammad. He was acting as if all this were perfectly normal and natural. What could they do but follow his example?

After the man leaves, Muhammad waits awhile, allowing his companions to think about this strange event. Finally, he tells them what had happened. They would not soon forget, and you can be sure that by that night, everyone in Medina had heard about Gabriel’s appearance. No one was supposed to forget about this visit, for the Prophet had just presented them with their religion in a nutshell. If they ever wanted to know what was essential in Islam, all they had to do was remember the strange events of this day.

———–

Excerpted from the book “The Vision of Islam” by Sachiko Murata and William C. Chttick.

[edensgay]

RULES: List 5 songs you associate with your OTP(s) so others can get a clear idea of what their relationship is like.

I was tagged by @marymay-fairgrave (thank you I love doing these) 

Im tagging: @good-cookin @deputy-dianablack @mademoisellegush @radiojamming @dutchisland @joey-hudson @deputyash @peebsayle (no pressure to do it!<3)

I’m just going to do this for my cult OCs ships because if I did it for ALL my ships it’d be so long :>

Gabriel x John 

Ilusm - gnash

Make me feel something Lately life's made me numb I just want to hold you

Blue Blood - Laurel 

No one could set me free Before you came to me I was in a pretty dark place praying for the end

Put It On Me - Matt Maeson

I know that you'd never feel like I do And I'd break into pieces right in front of you And I'd burn down the city and string up the noose

I Don’t Wanna Be In Love - Dark Waves

I'd rather be alone than build a broken home then hold it on to you like I could never let you go

Robin Hood - Anson Seabra

Now all that's left is something numb I gave you all I had to lose My skin, my soul, my finest jewels

Charity x Wheaty

Friends - Ed Sheeran

If we try to keep those secrets safe. No one will find out if it all went wrong. They'll never know what we've been through.

Forever & Always - Zeph

We'll set the record for stronest love Keep vinly free of dust Spin it soft eternally

War of Hearts - Ruelle

I know that I'd die without you I can’t help but be wrong in the dark 'Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts

When you Break - Bear’s Den

And I have been where you've been No, our hands will never be clean At least we can hold each other

I Forget Where We Were - Ben Howard

And that's how summer passed oh your, Great divide and range of green green grass Oh, maybe it was peace at last, who knew

Chastity x Faith

Waiting Game - Banks

What if it only gets colder Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart Cause lately I've been scared of even thinking 'bout where we are

Technicolour Beat - Oh Wonder

You carry my fears as the heavens set fire Jump into the heat, spinning on our feet In a technicolour beat, you and me

Fumes - EDEN

If all we have is time, then we'll be alright It's not much, but it's better than nothing We're running on fumes, but we'll make it through the night

5Am - Amber Run

And it suddenly make sense But the way you've been going You'll be in an early grave

Like A Funeral - Erik Jonasson

To say goodbye again For one last time You were holding my hands

[dinaive]

The Hadith of Gabriel

Umar ibn al-Khattab said: One day when we were with God's messenger, a man with very white clothing and very black hair came up to us. No mark of travel was visible on him, and none of us recognized him. Sitting down before the Prophet, leaning his knees against his, and placing his hands on his thighs, he said, "Tell me, Muhammad, about submission."

He replied, 'Submission means that you should bear witness that there is no god but God and that Muhammad is God's messenger, that you should perform the ritual prayer, pay the alms tax, fast during Ramadan, and make the pilgrimage to the House if you are able to go there."

The man said, "You have spoken the truth." We were surprised at his questioning him and then declaring that he had spoken the truth. He said "Now tell me about faith."

He replied, "Faith means that you have faith in God, His angels, His books, His messengers, and the Last Day, and that you have faith in the measuring out, both its good and its evil."

Remarking that he had spoken the truth, he then said, "Now tell me about doing what is beautiful."

He replied, "Doing what is beautiful means that you should worship God as if you see Him, for even if you do not see Him, He sees you."

Then the man said, "Tell me about the Hour"

The Prophet replied, "About that he who is questioned knows no more than the questioner."

The man said, "Then tell me about its marks."

He said, "The slave girl will give birth to her mistress, and you will see the barefoot, the naked, the destitute, and the shepherds vying with each other in building."

Then the man went away. After I had waited for a long time, the Prophet said to me, "Do you know who the questioner was, 'Umar?" I replied, "God and His messenger know best. "He said, "He was Gabriel. He came to teach you your religion. "

To begin explaining the meaning of this hadith let us flesh it out by adding some background information that would be obvious to the original listeners but not to a reader situated many centuries and miles away.

Try to imagine the situation. The Messenger of God, at the time the greatest human being on the face of the earth (as far as his companions were concerned - and the historical record bears them out), is sitting at the edge of an oasis in Medina with a group of his companions, that is, people who have accepted that he is the mouthpiece of God. Suddenly a man appears whom no one recognizes.

Medina, at the time, is a tiny community in the midst of the desert (with a population of several hundred or perhaps a few thousand). Everyone knows everyone. If a traveler arrives, it is no small event, given the difficulty of travel and the small population. Everyone learns about new arrivals within hours. The system of personal relationships established by familial, tribal, and other bonds ensures that news is spread around much more efficiently than can ever be accomplished by today's six o'clock news. A man appears whom no one knows, but no one has arrived in town for several days, except the uncle of so and so, whom several of them have already seen.

Not only do the companions fail to recognize the man, but he also shows no signs of travel, which is very strange. If they do not know him, then he must be a newly arrived traveler. Someone would not be able to freshen up that quickly after several days of travel in the desert, even if he had traveled only by night on the back of a camel. (You think you feel bad after six hours in a car-think of six days in the hottest and dustiest environment you can imagine, with no air conditioned rest stops for coffee or soda.)

As soon as the man arrives, everyone is all ears. Who can this person be, and how did he get here without our knowing about it? Next strange fact: The man is obviously on familiar terms with the Prophet of God. He comes right up to him and kneels down in front of him, his knees against the Prophet's knees. Notice that the Prophet himself is kneeling, not in prayer as modern Westerners might kneel, but simply because kneeling is, for most Orientals, the simplest and at the same time the most respectful way to sit. Remember that, even in houses, chairs were unheard of. People sat on the ground, as they still do in much of the world-and this includes some of the richest and most sophisticated parts of the world, such as Japan. For most of the ancient world, chairs were the prerogative of kings.

Excerpted from the book "The Vision of Islam" by Sachiko Murata and William C. Chttick

[reddhoodie]

There was a scare at CTcon and I feel like I have to talk about it so bear with me.

On Saturday night, after the cosplay death match and after the staff began to herd everyone out, my friends and I are standing outside of the convention center. The building is locking up but since they have the riverfest and some other thing at the same time as CTcon, there’s a fireworks show happening as usual, and we’re trying to decide if we want to stay to see.

(My opinion: let’s just go, it’s too crowded on top of the stairs to get up there and we can’t see the fireworks from here.)

While we’re discussing there’s some music playing so a few of us are dancing around and laughing. A group of girls ask to take a photo with us (in our batfam costumes) and we’re happy to agree. After all this means we got photos from the moment we left our car (barely four feet from our car when we were first asked) to almost the moment we left and that’s a new record.

Shortly after we take the photo and the girls disappear into the crowd, those same girls run by us and down the stairs.

I assume they saw someone else to take a picture with, since there are a LOT of people and they seemed excitable (the drinks they were holding might have been a help but idk). I do think it’s weird that they’re flat out RUNNING, not just hurrying. But whatever.

Then more people run by. I look up the stairs and there’s a river of people running.

Then one of the girls passing us yells (and I feel like I’ll remember this for a long time) “There’s a shooting! They’re shooting!”

I get cold inside like I just swallowed ice water and I turn to my friends who look as shocked and empty as I feel.

My best friend’s mom is the first of us to say anything intelligent- “Where’s Savannah? Someone grab Savannah!” (The youngest member of our group. She was cosplaying Toothless to match her mom’s Valka.)

I guess someone grabs Savannah because the next thing I know we’re all taking off down the stairs, joining the herd. People are yelling.

At some point a man comes running behind us yelling “it’s the fireworks! It’s just the fireworks!”

My friend DJ and I stop. We start trying to help this man (maybe a staff member? I don’t remember) calm the people around us.

“It’s the fireworks!” I scream to no one in particular loud enough to strain my voice, although my eyes are on my friends, one flight down and bunching together in a group, doing a headcount, panicking because DJ and I are missing. “It’s okay! You’re safe! It’s just the fireworks!”

A woman walks over to us, looking stunned and shocked into calm: “Someone’s been shot, there are police and ambulances. Someone’s been shot.”

DJ and I turn to each other and say “we’ve got to go” at the same time. We’re pretty sure there’s no shooter but there are lights and sirens like the woman said and we have no idea what’s going on so the best thing to do seems to be to leave.

When we rejoin our group Gabrielle seems near panic, asking over and over where everyone is even though we’re all gathered near her.

I can’t remember clearly the next few minutes, but I remember shoving one of my friends (Jenelle, the one dressed as Damian in the pics I posted) and half yelling ‘we’ve got to go’ at her.

The group is still confused and keeps stopping despite our shoving. Someone nearby starts screaming for a Sarah, another girl is having a panic attack on the sidewalk. My insides are ice and I want to get away before the shooter (if there is one, I don’t know what to believe at this point) comes down here. People are talking about finding a place to hide. We just want to get to our cars and leave.

We stay close to the building and get into the parking garage. We pass a security guard talking into a radio and I want to ask him what’s going on but my nerves are shot and I just want to go.

The fireworks haven’t stopped and the noise is even more stressful than usual. DJ softly points out that if there was a shooter they might be trying to get away via the parking garage. I shush him- “don’t scare people” and he stops talking. I keep my arm around Gabrielle’s waist and she hugs me close with one arm.

By the time we get into the car and head out, by the time I try calling my mom just in case there was a shooting and she hears about it, I’m shaking like crazy.

On the drive away from the convention center we pass a car with an NRA sticker on it. The man getting in has a con badge. I hope that he was there on the staircase, and I hope he was scared like the rest of us.

Later we find out that there was a fight on the bridge, and that someone pulled a gun at the same time that some fireworks went off, so people thought they were shooting. There was no active shooter. We were never in danger. But for that short time we thought we were.

It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I refuse to bottle it up. ConnectiCon is one of my favorite things in the world and I had a blast this weekend, but that happened and it was terrifying, and I’m not going to pretend it’s no big deal.

This has been a post. My experience I guess. Just to get it out there to see if it helps.

I’m doing okay now. Seeing pictures from those stairs brings back some of that fear but I’ll be back next year. I hope anyone else who was there is doing okay. If you want to talk or reblog and add your own experience feel free.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 72

The final chapter. Phew. I don’t even know what to say. (That’s a lie, I left several rambling paragraphs of crying on AO3.) It’s been one hell of a ride. Everyone who read this, thank you and I love you. Kim, thank you for existing, and I love you too.

Read it on AO3 where the Morse code actually works and you can see the aforementioned rambling paragraphs of crying

It took several weeks for the telecommunication lines to be repaired. In the meantime, plenty happened. Empress Chloé continued to work on sorting out her empire, and very slowly, things began to improve. The weather remained stormy for a while, but soon cleared up. The raging river eventually returned to its normal, peaceful state. Many more students left, and by June the school seemed almost empty.

Adrien, though under a lot of stress from the recent events, sent a letter to the court of the Agreste Empire, letting them know what had happened. The crew of the ship that Gabriel had used to sail here all bowed down and swore allegiance to Adrien, their new emperor, though he was not sure how much he could trust them. Did they think he had murdered his father? There was a chance that a lot of his subjects would think so, and be wary of him. He had to be careful.

After some tearful goodbyes he sailed away with the crew, back to his home for the first time in years. His new empire could not wait for him much longer. What with the school being so devoid of students, there didn’t seem much point staying until the official start of the holidays. It would be best to go back right away and cement his reign before any troubles began.

No news was heard from Gabriel. If he had made it ashore, he was keeping quiet.

The school soon received a letter from the kingdom of Lê Chiến, informing them that the border troubles had cleared up, meaning that it would finally be safe for Kim to return. A zeppelin had also been sent up in the 7th region to provide remote telecommunications access, and within a few days it would be up and running, meaning that phone calls could once again be made to the kingdom. Preparations were immediately begun for Kim’s departure – the remaining porters collated all his luggage from his room and loaded it onto the carriages.

By this point there was no need to stay at school until the very end. No one was here anyway. Chloé, Sabrina and Lila had all left long ago. Adrien was gone now, and Marinette had soon returned to her own home, eager to see her parents again after such a long break. Nathaniel had not even returned to school after the spring holidays. Lady Caline was still here, but she was one of the very few teachers remaining. It was not possible to learn much with the school in a state like this.

The building itself seemed haunted now, too, every creaky chandelier and broken piece of tiling reminding Kim of his near-demise. He really did not want to stay here any longer. This school did have good memories for him too, of course it did. But in a way he had outgrown it. The time was right for him to begin a new chapter of his life – this time as king, ruling over a country.

He stood in his now empty room one sunny June morning, his phone in hand. Today would be the day he finally left. It would take him a while to get back home, all the way on the other side of the world, and no aeroplanes yet to take him there. But at least he was finally going home. It had been three whole years. Would much have changed?

There had been a certain number he had saved into his phone long ago. Now he dialled it, and held his breath, waiting. According to the timestamp on the letter, the communications zeppelin went up over a week ago. Surely there would be enough time for it to be working now. There had to be.

A voice finally answered.

“Good afternoon, you have reached the kingdom of Lê Chiến. How may we help you?”

It worked! It actually worked! He was speaking to a real person from back home, an actual official! It had been so long that he’d even forgotten about the time difference – of course it was late afternoon back home.

He stopped himself from laughing in relief, reminding himself to sound like a proper ruler now. “Hello, this is Prince Kim calling from my personal telephone. I think I sent the phone number details by messenger pigeon a while ago, so you can verify it if you need to.”

“Ah, Your Highness! We have been hoping to hear from you. Please wait one moment while I verify your details.” There was a pause for several seconds. “Yes, we have your personal telephone number on record. Thank you for your phone call. What do you require from us today?”

What did he require? He wasn’t even sure. He had barely thought about it at all, just wanting to see if the phone lines would even work. There was something else he definitely wanted, though, and he had wanted it for quite a long while. “Um… can I talk to my family? If possible?”

“Of course. Your parents are away at the moment, overseeing the summer solstice festival arrangements, but the Queen-Dowager-Regent is available. She has been eagerly awaiting any news from you. Shall I pass the phone call to her?”

“Yes please.”

“Right, please hold the line for a few moments.”

“Thank you.”

Kim waited for a few minutes, his heart beating rapidly. It had been far, far too long since he had last directly spoken to his grandmother. He missed her so much it was getting impossible to bear. And now, within just a few moments, he would get to hear her voice again! He was so excited he couldn’t stand still, having to pace around the room as he waited.

Finally, that familiar voice spoke. “Kim, I’m so glad to hear from you!”

He hadn’t expected to suddenly be overwhelmed with emotion, and hastily wiped tears away from his eyes. “H-hi bà… how are you?”

“I’m doing very well, thank you, but I really should ask about you! With the communications finally open we’ve been receiving all the world’s news, and it sounds like you have been through quite the adventure. What happened? I want to hear it directly from you.”

“Well… Emperor Gabriel showed up at school and tried to kill me, but then… he fell in the river when the balcony broke…” He was still crying a little, and was aware that his grandma could probably tell.

“Goodness gracious, that really is a terrible thing to have happened to you. I assume you’re out of danger now though?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. We’ve all missed you ever so much. And we’re very proud of you, too. You’ve managed to get our country into the International Alliance without any of us even being there to help you. You’ve grown up so much over the past three years, and I for one can’t wait for you to return so that I can see this change for myself.”

Kim smiled, his heart soaring at the thought of finally getting to go back to his home palace and be with his family once more. “I can’t wait too. And… I’ll try and be a good ruler.”

“I’m sure you will do just fine. We’re planning the coronation to happen around two months from now so that you have plenty of time to get back and adjust yourself. I’ll still be on hand to always help you out. And I’m sure the friends and alliances you’ve made at school will be willing to help you out too.”

“They definitely will.”

“Excellent. With you as leader, and the trade routes back open, I don’t doubt that our kingdom is going to prosper.”

Though still nervous about being a king, Kim was finally beginning to believe that too. Maybe he really could do a good job. He had survived this far, hadn’t he?

“I’m leaving school today,” he said. “My luggage is all packed away and those carriage guards who have been stuck here for like two years can finally take me home.”

“They are still there? My god, I had forgotten about that. As soon as they return they’re getting a hefty pay rise and promotion for their duty. Will you tell them that?”

“Yes.”

“Fantastic. And make sure to give us another call when you’ve almost reached home, so that we can be waiting to greet you. It was so good to speak to you again. We’ll see each other soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

“Goodbye, Kim.”

She hung up. For several seconds Kim just stood there, grinning to himself, unable to stop. He was finally going home. It didn’t feel real. Home seemed like a distant memory, like a movie he had watched some time in the past or a dream he’d had, rather than a real place. The thought of finally getting to go back filled him with so much relief it made him dizzy.

He was not sure how long it was before the knock on the door – time seemed to have stopped entirely at this point. Putting his phone back in his pocket, and walked over and opened the door to see Markov hovering there, bobbing up and down a little less than usual.

“Markov! Good to see you!”

Markov wordlessly flew into the room, looking around at the emptiness of it.

“I was gonna come and say goodbye to you actually,” Kim said to him. “I guess you just beat me to it.”

Markov slowly turned around to face him before speaking. “Kim, I… I am feeling an emotion I’ve never felt before. A strange, terrible one. I don’t like it. It hurts.”

“You mean you’re feeling actual pain?” Wow, that robot was always surprising him. Every time he thought Markov couldn’t get any more sophisticated, he did.

“No, not physical pain. I do not have nerve receptors. It is an emotional pain.” His eyes were beginning to be overrun with little pixel tears. “Kim, you’re going to leave, for a very long time. And I won’t get to see you. This is a very intense kind of sadness I am feeling right now, because you are my friend, and… I… am going to… miss you… and I’ve never ‘missed’ anyone before!”

His voice was wobbling, and he seemed to be shaking. Was this a robotic form of crying? Without thinking, Kim hugged him tight.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Markov,” he said. “But I’ll try and visit as often as I can. I’ll see you every Peace Ball, at least.”

“That’s only once a year. A maximum of around 21 days out of 365!”

“Well I’ll call you up every single day. That way you can talk to me 365 days out of 365.”

“Thank you, that does make me feel a little bit better…”

“Awesome.” Kim let go of him, letting him fly back into the air. “You’ll take care of Max, right?”

“Yes, of course! In fact, that reminds me, I’m also here to inform you that Max is waiting for you at the school entrance.”

“I guess I’ll go see him, then. There’s no point me hanging around here any longer.”

Markov still had tears rolling down from his eyes. “Kim… when I first met you, I did not realize I would become emotionally attached. I didn’t even expect to form emotions in the first place. But your kindness and friendship helped with that, so thank you. Thank you for helping me experience what it is like to be human, just like you.”

Kim’s own eyes were filling up a little too now. “Hey, uh, it’s no problem. I didn’t realize you were gonna be so cool.”

“Good luck with ruling your country. I think… I think I’m going to go now…” He turned and flew out of the room.

Kim’s cheerful mood from earlier was beginning to slip away slightly. Sure, it was exciting to finally be going home again. But saying goodbye to his friends was not fun, not at all. Thank goodness for the existence of telephones. That would make things so much more tolerable.

Taking one last look around the dorm room that he had spent the better part of the last three years in, he stepped out of the door and closed it for the last time. Maybe he would come back and visit this school again one day. As much as he was getting sick of it, he didn’t want to say goodbye forever.

He headed through the maze of empty, dilapidated corridors, towards the entrance where Max would be waiting. Before he had even exited the dorm areas he caught sight of a familiar face.

“Hi Ivan, what’s up?” he said, going over.

“Hi Kim!” Grand Duke Ivan had been looking out at the courtyard through one of the windows, and now turned to face Kim with a smile on his face. “I heard you’re leaving today. Is that true?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh good, there’ll finally be a bit of peace and quiet around here.”

“Hey!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” He suddenly gave Kim an almighty pat on the back, almost knocking him over completely. “You know, you’re actually alright. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I’m really glad you’re not dead.”

Kim grinned. “Coming from you, that’s a compliment. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. And good luck for the future. I think you might actually do an okay job.”

“Excuse you, I’m gonna do an amazing job, you’ll see. Anyway, have you proposed to Mylène yet?”

Ivan’s pale face suddenly flushed red. “We’re only 18!”

“Pfff, that didn’t stop me proposing to Max one time. You’re just a wimp.” He left out the fact that it had been a complete accident, and he didn’t really mean it, and Max had never replied to that anyway.

Ivan crossed his arms, going back to his usual sullen demeanour. “I take back what I said. You’re gonna do a terrible job and I’m glad you’re leaving.”

“You don’t mean that. You love me really. And also I was kidding, take your time with Mylène.”

“Of course I will.”

“Cool. I gotta go see Max now, but I hope I’ll see you again someday. Good luck and everything.”

Ivan nodded at him, unable to hide a smile. “You too.”

Kim continued down the corridor as Ivan turned back to the window. It was nice that things were cordial between them now. As much fun as it had been in the past to annoy Ivan on purpose, it was even more fun to do it when they were on good terms, when they both knew it wasn’t serious. Perhaps someday they could become proper friends? Kim hoped so. He didn’t want to be a jerk to anyone ever again.

He was distracted from his thoughts when he heard someone around a corner saying his name.

“…and I guess I haven’t been calling you ‘Kim’ at all recently, have I? You’d just get mixed up with human Kim. But I should have been calling you your actual name, Imhotep, and instead I’ve been calling you ‘snake’, so in revenge you can call me ‘human’ if you want…”

He would recognize that voice anywhere – the voice of his best friend in the entire world. He ran around the corner to see that Pharaoh Alix was indeed standing there, talking to her pet snake that was wrapped around the sceptre.

Walking over, he leaned an arm against the wall, saying, “Hey, human. What’s up?”

She hit him with the sceptre. “Only the snake’s allowed to call me that!”

“Well considering that time you called me ‘Emperor Palpatine’ for like a whole week, it’s only fair if I get to call you ‘human’, right?”

“Whatever. You won’t even be here for a week anyway.”

Oh yes, of course. Now was probably the best time to say goodbye to her. He had very much been putting that off.

“I was just heading down to the school entrance,” he said. “The carriage is there with all my stuff in it. And Max is there too.”

“So this is goodbye?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay then. Bye.”

He frowned. “What, is that it?”

“I didn’t want to make it all stupid and dramatic!” She was looking down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. “What did you want me to do? Tell you how cool you are? How awesome a friend you are? Start crying and hug you and admit that I’m g-gonna miss you? Because that’s… that’s n-not happening…”

.-.. .. .- .-. the snake tapped out, sliding off the sceptre and wrapping itself around her headdress.

“Oh fine! I’ll say it! I’m gonna miss you ‘cause you’re my best friend, and l-like… I never had best friends before going to school. And I never cared about anyone this much before. And I know the main threat’s gone, b-but… you have to promise to be careful! I can’t go through losing you again! I can’t!”

She dropped the sceptre and put her face in her hands, seemingly trying very, very hard not to cry. Kim had mostly avoided thinking about his near-death as much as he could, and definitely avoided thinking about the fact that in one timeline he really did die, and all his friends were there to see it. Alix had outright forbidden anyone from speaking about it at all, so it was surprising that she was bringing it up now.

He bent down and pulled her into a hug. “I will be careful. I promise.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d promised her that he would be careful. To be fair, the death wasn’t his fault at all. From now on, though, there were no more timeline splits to ruin everything. It was just his own willpower against the world. This time, he was going to survive. He was sure of it.

“By the way,” Alix said, “I’m gonna call you up every single day and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Good. So I’ll get phone calls from you, Max, and Markov. That’s a lot of phone calls.”

“You’ll need our help, you Kimbecile. You have to do a good job at being king.”

“Don’t worry.” He let go of her and stood back up. “I’m gonna be the coolest ruler ever. Well, almost. You’re the coolest, of course.”

She smiled, wiping tears away from her eyes. “I can’t believe that’s an actual thing you said out loud…”

“Yeah, this is the last time I’ll properly see you for ages, so I have to say all the stuff I wouldn’t otherwise say!”

“Well then, since you did go and make it stupid and dramatic and cheesy, I guess I may as well carry on.” She crossed her arms, her face going red. “I think I learnt a lot from you. Like, I’m not so idiotic and reckless anymore, and I’m better at not scaring people away. That’s definitely at least partly your fault. But you got way better too, which is great ‘cause I sorta hated you when I first met you. You’re cooler now. And I didn’t think I’d end up caring this much, but I do. So yeah.”

Kim rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, I was a jerk at first, wasn’t I… but you were really annoying too.”

“I’m still annoying, actually.”

“Good point. But I love it now.” He ruffled the little bit of hair sticking out from under her headdress. “I learnt a lot from you too. I mean, we have the wackiest history ever, don’t we? I don’t think I’ll ever have another friend as close as you. You’re special. If platonic sweethearts were a thing, I think I could call you one… if that doesn’t bother you?”

Still smiling through her tears, she shook her head. “It doesn’t.”

“Nice.” He suddenly realized that he was about to start crying too, and quickly changed the subject. “You’ll still go visit Max loads, right? He and Markov can keep you company. I know you don’t wanna lose any friendships and stuff so like…”

“Of course I’ll hang out with Max and Markov all the time. And I’ve got Jalil, too. I’ll make sure I’m not lonely. I’ve actually got the hang of friendship now.” She finally looked him in the eyes. “You don’t have to worry about me, Kim. I’ll be fine. You focus on ruling your country and not dying.”

Ruling his country… not dying… that was it, the tears were already rolling down his face before he could stop them.

“I’ll see you at the Peace Ball,” he managed to say, sniffing, hoping she wouldn’t make fun of him for crying. She was an expert at being hypocritical like that. “Maybe I’ll challenge you to a rematch of… that thing that happened in the lift…”

“Oh yeah, that thing!” Alix laughed. “I’d almost forgotten about that! You haven’t told anyone what happened, right?”

He shook his head.

“Good, neither have I. And I never will.”

.-. .- .--. / -... .- - - .-.. .! the snake tapped, rather enthusiastically.

“Yeah! Hey, maybe next time the snake can take part too.”

“But I won’t understand what he’s saying…”

“Well then, you’d better learn Morse code before the next Peace Ball. I’ll be waiting.”

Kim just nodded, knowing he wouldn’t have the time or patience to do that. “I… I guess I should go now…”

“Yeah. You should go see Max, and uh, get in a bit more scientific research before you leave.”

Kim had been putting off saying goodbye to Max too, and the thought was twisting at his insides rather nauseatingly. “Yeah, I’ll go do that… You be a good pharaoh, okay? And tell Jalil I said ‘screw you, square’ and… keep swearing on international television and being awesome…”

“Dude, if I say ‘fuck’ one more time in an interview they’ll probably start censoring it. They’ll just have to interview the snake instead.”

Kim gave the snake a stroke. “I’ll miss you as well, little buddy. Uh, Imhotep or whatever your actual name is.”

The snake gave his hand a lick with that adorable little forked tongue.

-- . / - --- --- !

“Lemme guess, is he calling me a punk bitch again?”

“Nah,” Alix said, shaking her head. “He says he’ll miss you too.”

“Aw, he’s so sweet. I can’t believe I used to be scared of him.”

“Yeah, in my experience, human beings can be far, far deadlier than snakes…”

That much was true. It was very, very true.

“Anyway,” she said, “you should probably get out of here now. The sooner you go home and see your family, the better.”

“Yeah…” He finger-gunned at her. “Remember, I love you. No romo.”

She rolled her eyes, grinning. “Whatever. See you later, weird prince guy.” With that, she picked up the sceptre and ran off with the snake.

After a few seconds of getting rid of any remaining tears, Kim continued wandering down the corridor towards the entrance, nostalgia weighing on him. Back when he had first started here, he had never considered that he’d end up best friends with the tiny, terrifying little pharaoh who had somehow managed to enrage him and also capture his heart. Life could be so bizarre sometimes, couldn’t it? There had been rivalry, and reconciliation, and coming outs, and kisses, and fist-fights over Monopoly, and too many stupid challenges to count. He couldn’t have predicted any of that.

And he hadn’t realized he would fall in love with Max, either…

No, when he had first started here, Prince Max was just that good friend of his, the guy he had seen at summer camps and found fun to hang out with. Now they had been together through the worst of times, the thought of looming wars, assassinations, influenza. Max had always been there for him. To the point where he started crushing hard, and didn’t even realize that the love of his life felt the same way in return.

In fact, when he started at this school, he hadn’t even realized there were more “fish in the sea” than just girls! Perhaps that was something he’d keep quiet about back home for a while, though. He wasn’t sure how they’d take it.

All too soon, his feet had carried him to the school entrance. The doors were wide open, allowing the warm sunny air into the large entrance room. Unlike the end of the previous years, it was almost deserted. A few servants and porters were scurrying around, packing the last things into the carriage on the path just outside.

Max was leaning against one of the walls, watching them absent-mindedly. Kim’s heart instantly lifted, the way it always did whenever he saw Max, and he rushed over.

“Max!”

Max turned around just in time for Kim to hug him tightly enough to lift him off the ground. When he put him back down he did not quite let go, only pulling back enough to be able to see his precious sweetheart’s face.

“Hi Kim,” Max said, a sweet little smile on his face. “Did you see Markov?”

“Yeah, he told me you were waiting here. He’s really gonna miss me, poor guy.”

“Well, he’s not the only one who’ll miss you a lot…”

Kim rested his forehead against Max’s. “I’ll call you up every day, I promise. And I’ll build that airport soon so you all can visit.”

“Keep an eye on the budget so that you don’t overspend on the airport. There are probably a lot of other things that your kingdom could use the money for too.”

“Your advice is gonna be so helpful, I just know it.”

Max chuckled. “I’m glad you think so. Hopefully it’ll help you avoid more misadventures.”

“Misadventures? What’s that?”

“An adventure with misfortune or tragedy. Much like the ones that have plagued us over the past few years.”

“Oh, right. Well I’ll definitely be sure to avoid those.”

Max’s voice was starting to waver, and Kim noticed he was clinging on rather tight. “Kim… there’s something I’ve been meaning to say…”

And now the goodbyes were truly going to start. Kim’s eyes were stinging, but he tried to ignore it. He couldn’t start crying again, couldn’t he? He had cried enough for today!

“I’ve already told you a lot how much I care about you,” Max continued. “And you’ve told me, too. It’s not something we ever hold back on. In retrospect, I think I owe that to you. I tend to act very logical and rational, and you’re the opposite, and it really did me a lot of good. We’re… we’re a very good balance.”

Kim smiled. “I was gonna say the same! You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Max.”

“You’re the best too! So open with your feelings, so free with your heart, so passionate and full of confidence and energy! No wonder I’ve liked you for so long. Well, that, and also you’re rather attractive…”

He was sure he was blushing hard. At least Max seemed to be blushing too, as invisible as it was with skin like his.

“I don’t want to make this too long. I know you want to see your family again as soon as possible, and the journey will be long. But…” Max sniffed. “…you’re like a dream come true. You’re the one encouraging the part of my brain that runs on emotions, rather than logic. And you’ve always been supportive! Ever since I first met you, probably ten years ago now. The fact that you love me back is a bonus, since your support is worth the friendship either way… oh, I don’t even know what I’m saying, I’m just rambling…”

“You’re doing the thing I always do,” Kim said. “That thing where I gush at you about how cool you are?”

“I suppose I am doing that. Though it’s not like I haven’t done it before.”

“Well it’s my turn now.” Kim willed himself to at least hold it together long enough to say something heartfelt – Max deserved that much. “Honestly, you’re so cool I still can’t believe you like me. I used to be a jerk and everything, but you’d still hang out with me, trying to tell me to be better, trying to get me to use my brain for once and stop being an idiot. And thanks to you, I did. I got nicer, I got better at schoolwork, I’m at least a bit less reckless now…”

“Kim, that wasn’t me! That was you, thanks to your own hard work and effort.”

“You helped, though. You’re always really supportive too. I mean, you were helping me out with all my hopeless crushes even though you were into me? I’m still not over that. And you stayed in quarantine with me for months, even though you’d been vaccinated and didn’t need it, and I feel like I can tell you anything and everything, no matter what. You’re like the best mix of a best friend and a sweetheart. When I’m with you I feel more… stable, I guess.”

Max’s smile had been growing wider and wider while Kim had been speaking. “I’m going to miss all these compliments so much.”

“I’ll still compliment you over the phone!”

“It’s not the same though, is it?”

“No, I guess not…”

“There’s another thing I wanted to say,” Max said, sounding far more nervous suddenly. “Do you remember that time when you… um… accidentally proposed to me?”

Kim’s heart leapt right up into his throat. He nodded – how could he forget it? That had been mortifying!

“Well, we’re too young for that, as I’m sure you know. But, that being said… if you feel the same way in about seven years or so, then uh… feel free to ask again…”

“I will,” Kim said, his brain already coming up with all sorts of cheesy romantic proposal scenarios in his head. “Exactly seven years from now, I’ll ask. Mark the date.”

Max grinned. “Perhaps I’ll surprise you by asking first…”

“No way, I’ll beat you to it for sure!”

“Oh really? Like how you beat me to confessing your love for me? Oh wait, that didn’t happen, because I got there first.”

“But I asked you out first!” Kim shook his head, laughing. “It doesn’t matter anyway. As long as it’s in exactly seven years. I’ll have time to let my kingdom get used to the idea. And then I’ll abdicate, or maybe we could do that thing Marinette’s parents did, where their kingdoms became twin-kingdoms and they split their time ruling both… oh, I don’t know. I’ll decide nearer the time.”

“Good, you need a while to relax now. These past years have been very stressful, and ruling a country won’t be easy either. Make sure you don’t burn yourself out.”

“I’ll try.” The prospect of leaving, going home and being coronated, was weighing on him again. “You make sure to look after Markov, and have fun, and go visit Alix lots, all that stuff…”

“Of course.” Max went up onto tiptoes suddenly, leaning in closer. “None of the porters are around, so how about a goodbye kiss?”

Goodbye kiss… why did those words hurt so much? Everything about this moment was so bittersweet. Everything about the past several months had been bittersweet, actually. Perhaps it was a side-effect of growing up. Maybe his whole life was going to be bittersweet from now on.

Well then, he’d better revel in the sweet parts, and learn from the bitter.

“Sure.”

He leaned in and kissed Max deeply, wrapping his arms around him tight, never wanting to let go. If he could stay here forever, he would.

But he couldn’t. He was a prince, soon to be king, and he had a duty. Plus, he would see Max again. This wasn’t goodbye forever.

He was already crying by the time he pulled away, tears spilling out of his eyes faster than he could wipe them away. Now that the moment had actually come to leave, it was hitting him just how much he would miss this place, miss all his friends, miss his sweetheart, everything. This school and everyone in it was a part of his life now. Letting go was not going to be easy.

“You’ll have to go back to pillows from now on,” Max mumbled, taking off his glasses to brush tears away from his eyes too. Kim laughed weakly, wondering if he was blushing again.

“Pillows can’t compare to you.”

“And robots can’t compare to you.”

“I’m still gonna tell Markov about that someday…”

Max smiled briefly, then looked over at the carriage waiting outside the doors. “Your carriage is waiting for you, Kim. And your family is too.”

“You’re right, I should go…”

“Kim, I love you. And just… thank you. For everything.”

“I… I love you too, Max…”

He was crying too much to be able to say anything, so he just pulled Max into one last ribcage-crushing hug, before turning and walking towards the carriage. The guards had opened the door and were waiting for him.

“My grandma says you’re getting a pay rise when y-you get back,” he said. “You deserve it.”

“Thank you, Your Highness,” the guard said with a smile, before shutting the door.

Your Highness… Soon he wouldn’t be called that anymore. Soon it would be Your Majesty. How quickly would he get used to that?

As the carriage set off down the path, Kim looked out of the back window. Max was standing at the entrance, waving. Kim waved back, though he wasn’t sure if Max would be able to see him through this tiny window. He noticed suddenly that up on the roof, Alix and Markov were there waving at the carriage too – how had they got there?! He waved at them too.

Slowly his friends faded out of sight, and the school did too. One chapter of his life was finishing, and the next was about to begin. Would it be as turbulent? As stressful? As dangerous? Hopefully not. At least he was much better at dealing with all that than he used to be, considering how much he had grown up over the past three years. Thinking back to his very first day of school, it was astounding to note the difference.

Now his spirits were lifting again, thinking of his family waiting for him at home. The familiar palace, those friendly servants, the sports rivals, everything and everyone he had been missing so much. Lê Chiến was still very dear to his heart, even after all the other places he had seen. From now on, that was what he had to focus on. Ruling his country and doing a good job, staying out of war, promoting new technologies, making allies. Everything he had been taught at school would surely help him out.

Yes, once he got back home he would not be a prince anymore. He would be King Kim, ruler of Lê Chiến. It was time to take the lessons he had learnt from the past, and put them towards making a bright future for himself, his country, and the entire world.

He looked forward to it.

[deadcactuswalking]

BLAST TO THE PAST: 1st July 2001

Hello again and welcome to BLAST TO THE PAST, where we review UK Top 40 charts from decades ago to see what was happening all the way back then. We’re taking a break from the 1980s and zooming past in lightspeed to 2001, specifically the week of 1st-7th July, as Summer had started to kick in. This chart in particular has some classics and some notable events, which we’ll get into right now.

Top 10

Okay, so first, we have a debut – yep, that’s right, it’s not just intense streaming that lands songs at #1 immediately, there were songs that were big enough to sell just that many copies to get to the top at their first week. At number-one, we have “The Way to Your Love” by megastars Hear’Say, who were pretty damn big in the UK, this being their second chart-topping single. Oh, yeah, and they were created by an ITV reality show, because, I mean, of course they were! They’re a British pop group from the 2000s.

Sadly, we don’t see the rise, yet we see the fall of classic cover “Lady Marmalade”, by the all-star cast of Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Lil Kim and Mýa, from the Moulin Rouge! soundtrack, down one spot to number-two.

We have another top five debut, and not the last top 10 debut, with Usher’s “U Remind Me” starting its chart run at number-three.

At number-four, dropping two places from last week, we have “Angel” by Shaggy featuring Rayvon.

Number-five is home to two-spot-dropper “There You’ll Be” by country singer Faith Hill, from the Pearl Harbor soundtrack.

At number-six, we have the debut of Gorillaz’ “19-2000” featuring uncredited vocals from Miho Hatori as well as founding Talking Heads members Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz.

“All I Want” by Alesha Dixon-fronted R&B girl group Mis-Teeq has dropped three spaces to its current spot at number-seven.

Do any of you remember Brandy? Because I sure don’t. Apparently she was huge, but I remember her feature on a Kanye track from Late Registration and that’s pretty much it. It’s somewhat strange that she collaborated with Ray “Hey-Fab-I’mma-kill you” J of all people, but—Wait a second! They’re siblings? And Ray J is Snoop Dogg’s cousin? Wow, he really had connections, huh? Anyway, Brandy and Ray J’s cover of Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise” is down three spots to number-eight.

“Another Lover” by another-rando Dane Bowers debuts at number-nine. If you’re wondering who this Dane fellow is, he was in a boyband called Another Level then he was on “Celebrity” Big Brother. In fact, I don’t think I know who this dude is, and I see no reason to find out.

“Do You Really Like It” by DJ Pied Piper and the Masters of Ceremonies finished off the top 10 with a four-space drop back to the final spot in the ten most popular songs of the country as of July 1st, 2001.

Climbers

Let me tell you now – there weren’t many at all. In fact, other than the number-one, there weren’t any songs climbing the charts, rather a whole lot of new entries and a whole lot of fallers.

Fallers

Where do we start?

“Daydream in Blue” by electronica duo (sharing their name with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode) I Monster is down 11 spots to #40, “It’s Over Now” by Diddy’s favourite R&B group 112 is down 17 spots to #39 and “Best Friends” by pop group allSTARS* is down eight spots to #38, who had a show on CITV in 2001, and appeared on the Scooby-Doo soundtrack the same year, so I’m assuming they were for kids by kids.

“Close to You” by Wet Wet Wet singer Marti Pellow is down 16 to #37, “No More (Baby I’ma Do it Right)” by three (forgettable) little women known as 3LW is down 10 to #36, “Digital Love” by the best robots in music Daft Punk is down 11 spots to #35, “Out of Reach” by soul singer Gabrielle is down seven spots to #34, “Sing” by alternative rock band Travis is down 10 spots to #33, “Ride wit Me” by Kelly Rowland’s former crush Nelly featuring rapper City Spud is down six spots to #31, “It’s Raining Men” by ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is down 10 to #30, the classic “Papercut” by nu-metal band Linkin Park is down 15 to #29, 1980’s hit “Electric Avenue” by Eddy Grant is here for some reason, but it’s down nine to #28... seriously, why is this here? Apparently it had a “ringbang remix” which landed it into the top five in 2001. Huh, you learn something new and kind of dumb every day.

“Booo!” by lost-in-time musician Sticky (no, not Sticky Fingaz, this Sticky is some nobody without a Wikipedia page) featuring rapper Ms. Dynamite is down 11 to #27, “Here and Now” by the freaking Steps is down nine to #26, “This Time Around” by house music duo Phats & Small is down 15 from #15 to #25, “Thank You” by Dido – best known for Eminem’s excellent use of it as a sample in “Stan” – is down six spots to #24, “Have a Nice Day” by Britpop band Stereophonics is down eight to #20, as is “We Come 1” by electronica group Faithless at #19 as well as “My Way” by walking punchlines Limp Bizkit at #18. “Don’t Stop Movin’” by S Club 7 is down five to #14, as is “All Rise” by boyband Blue at #13. Wow, that was a lot!

Dropouts

Some data in this section may be inaccurate or non-existent, so bear with me as not all drop-outs will be noted in this section, mostly due to the fact that we don’t know a lot of them and I’m just going by what’s there on the UK Singles Chart’s official website.

There weren’t any returning entries this week, so I figured we’d go straight to the drop-outs that we know of, of which there are quite a few of, like “Cold as Ice” by M.O.P. (the Mash-Out Posse) dropping out from #36, “Heard it All Before” by Sunshine Anderson out from #35, “Rock da Funky Beats” by Public Domain featuring Public Enemy Chuck D out from #33, “Video” by India Arie out from #32, “Free” by Mýa out from #39, “Fiesta” by living trash-bag R. Kelly out from #38, “Never Enough” by Boris Dlugosch and Roisin Murphy out from #40, “Musak” by Trisco out from #28, “Jonathan David” by Belle & Sabastian out from #31, “Voodoo” by Warrior out from #37 and, finally, “Let U Go” by ATB out from #34.

NEW ARRIVALS

Now, let’s just jump right into talking about the ELEVEN new arrivals we have this week. I’ll try and keep it brief.

#32 – “Innocente (Falling in Love)” – Delerium featuring Leigh Nash

So, Delerium is an ambient/electronica group known for their hit song “Silence” featuring Sarah McLachlan and Leigh Nash is the lead singer of rock band Sixpence None the Richer, known for their massive hit “Kiss Me”. They would later go on to record a whole album together six years later in 2007, which I don’t really recommend – it’s kind of boring. Is this song a foreshadowing of what to come?

So I’m not the biggest fan of trance at all but I don’t mind this calmer, peaceful trip-hop-influenced stuff from Delerium, in fact I really love the opening guitar riff and the looming instrumentation (and what seem to be bells) before the steady drum beat kicks in and Leigh Nash starts smoothly singing the first verse, all over the instrumentation like she is the main force rather than a jackhammer beat, which is why a lot of EDM doesn’t click with me. However, this is almost not EDM at all. I mean, it’s kind of danceable electronica but, yeah, this is not trance at all, although the strings are definitely reminiscent and it does slowly pick up pace with some uglier synths like trance often does. I don’t know about this, it really drifts along the line between boring and dreamy, much like a lot of songs from Sixpence None the Richer. Did it have to be six minutes? No, but it doesn’t drag on too much in all its peaceful melancholy. I really don’t know why this was listed as a trance song on Wikipedia? Are they talking about the much longer and much worse Tiesto remix? If so, then why did they not specify? Maybe I’m nitpicking about the Wikipedia page more than I should but this song doesn’t really do much for me. If it had some more pop-rock edge from Leigh Nash, maybe I’d like it more, but as it stands, it’s just really weaksauce.

#23 – “Happy People” – Static Revenger

Ah, great, more EDM – lovely. Static Revenger is a Grammy-winning DJ, mostly known for making house and disco. This song in particular went platinum, so you know it’s going to be good, right? Well, if 6ix9ine’s (Platinum-certified!) “GUMMO” told me anything, it’s that sales don’t mean the art or the artists involved are any good... Maybe I should be more open-minded to dance music, I mean, I like a lot of 1990s house so this can’t be much different. I like the R.E.M. song with pretty much the same name, so it’s not like I’m averted to the concept of... happy people. This can’t be too bad.

Oops! I already kind of hate it and love it at the same time. This guitar riff is great but the synths are too static-y for the most part and the build-up feels too drowned out to really be a good build-up until the jackhammer beat starts coming in before the drop, which is a good climax but not entirely satisfying as the simple, repetitive hook stays exactly the same after the drop – I expected some mix-up? The keys introduced after the first drop are a nice change of pace and I appreciate their inclusion, and this is definitely a really fun, exciting and catchy track, however, I think this is just not my thing. It feels soulless and like a bit of a non-presence, which I guess is good for this type of club track? I don’t know, but I guess I just don’t “get” modern EDM still, even though this is barely modern, being early 2000s and all. Maybe I just don’t get EDM at all. Maybe I should learn to have some fun. Probably that last one. Next.

#22 – “Getting Away with It (All Messed Up)” – James

So, James are an indie rock band who have also dabbled in electronica and more experimental rock, including the artsy album WAH WAH. They’re apparently releasing an album next month, which I’ll definitely check out. This single is from their 2001 album Pleased to Meet You, which received mixed reviews by critics at its initial release. Has this song in particular stood the test of time?

Well, yeah, it has. Not in a way that I can be ecstatic about, as it still is somewhat dreary in its constant simplistic guitar strumming, but once the drum beat kicks in, it gets much more exciting and uses the quiet-loud dynamic well, albeit to a lesser extent than other alternative rock bands, as the main increase in volume is the lead singer’s voice, who croons over the oddly funky bassline and the cheap synths as well as the distorted guitar riffs after the first chorus which, yes, are awesome and are pretty nice as a back-up to synth bleeping and different string patterns that add to how intense and urgent the song seems to be, despite its slower tempo. Oh, yeah, and there’s an insane breakdown or solo before the final chorus, where the synths just freak out and that’s pretty damn cool, and the fact that the last chorus continues with the same instrumental makes the song all the more exciting, as it progresses in intensity just to abruptly end. I’m more of a (similarly-named) Travis fan personally, but this song rocks as well.

#21 – “Million Miles Away” – The Offspring

Remember these guys? I don’t know about everyone else, but I used to love these guys. They were one of my favourite bands, and honestly, probably still are as far as rock is concerned. The Offspring are a Californian rock band fronted by Dexter Holland, who always straddled the lines between alternative, pop punk and straight-up punk rock. They have a UK number-one and many other hits (and damn good deep cuts) in their arsenal, so how does this song in particular, from their album Conspiracy of One, fare?

It starts with a rapid and intense guitar riff that isn’t too heavy but fast enough to keep up with the simplistic, mad-cap drumming, creating an instrumental base for Dexter to moan about his break-up over. While I appreciate the instrumental, it is a tad too simple, as is the hook with the “oh, oh, oh” vocalisations and the singing feeling too whiny at times, especially in that chorus. While I love the instrumental to death, I feel Dexter’s sloppily-mixed vocals being all over it ruin it for me. However, there’s enough time where it’s just the backing and the guitar solo also rocks, so yeah, although I’m not a fan of the repetitive lyrics and delivery here, I can dig what’s behind it. Sadly, this is probably the first and only Offspring I’ll get to talk about – trust me, they’ve made much better stuff. My personal favourite of their singles is “Hit That”, if you want to check that absolute romp of a dance-rock track. They’re also releasing a new album this year, so I’m excited for that.

#16 – “Hard to Explain” – The Strokes

The Strokes don’t really need an explanation, right? One of the biggest American rock bands in recent memory, hailing from New York and bringing back garage rock in a huge way that led them to two top 10 UK hits. This is their first ever single, from their debut album Is This It, annoyingly without a question mark. Maybe XXXTENTACION could have lent them one, he seems to have had an extra one left around. That’s beside the point, let’s get into the breakout single from The Strokes.

It starts with a simple drum beat – possibly not from Fabirizio Moretti but rather from a drum machine - before going into one of the most memorable and slick guitar riffs of all time, thanks to guitarists Albert Hammond and Nick Valensi, with a funky bassline provided by Nikolai Fraiture backing not only the guitars up but also the distorted vocals from Julian Casablancas, with a catchy-as-all-hell hook that leads into an abrupt fake-end, before it picks up again for another exciting few minutes of punkish indie rock, with Casablancas’ vocals getting more strained and emotional throughout. I’m actually finding it pretty hard to describe and review this song fairly without insane hyperbole, as Casablancas says, it is pretty hard to explain, as it is one of my favourite hit songs ever, with its perfectly balanced amount of rowdiness and genuine intrigue, and dare I say, a certain classiness to the composition. Fantastic song, fantastic album, and a damn great band.

#15 – “Baddest Ruffest” – Backyard Dog

This is the 2002 FIFA World Cup song, made by big beat producing duo Backyard Dog, consisting of Aniff Akinola and Lloyd Hanley. To my knowledge, they haven’t done anything else, although Akinola here has rapped on other songs, like the mild success “Bounce ‘n’ Boom” and Kirsty MacColl’s top 40 hit “Walking Down Madison”, so it’s debateable if these guys are one-hit wonders, but if one of the most notable things the lead singer has been in was a Vimto advert, it’s safe to say you’ve probably been forgotten in time since. So, how’s Backyard Dog’s seemingly only ever piece of released music (other than their only studio album and the remix EP for this very song) that is documented on the Internet?

Well, it starts with what are assumingly sampled horns in one simple loop before a subtle but effective bass comes in and Akinola starts shouting, adding some ragga influence, but mostly I’d say this is a pretty simple big beat song, with a solid horn hook and even Akinola’s vocals adding a lot of uniqueness to an otherwise not-very-noteworthy track. Hell, I’d like this a lot more if it weren’t for the annoying chicken-like record scratching that makes up most of the song. As it stands, there’s one element that just tears the whole thing apart, which is unfortunate as this is actually a pretty fun and exciting, different song, and I do wish these guys had more material to listen to, because I’m digging their style. It’s pretty intriguing, even if it is just some big beat loops with Caribbean-tinged vocals being yelled over the track by a charismatic performer, who I’ll try and dig up other projects from. I hope these guys reunite to make some more jams.

#12 – “More than That” – Backstreet Boys

Listen, you know who the Backstreet Boys are. I know who the Backstreet Boys are. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand them. They’re talented men, sure, but it feels a bit too cheesy and sickly sweet for me to really get into. Does that ring true with “More than That”, from their 2000 album Black & Blue?

Yes, of course it does. Why wouldn’t it? It has a pretty interesting albeit typical Latin or tropical guitar riff, but the vocals from the boys here aren’t too great, and everything that surrounds them just feels like purely perfect pop blandness. It’s too perfect – kind of like “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore and “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B, both of which I talked about on REVIEWING THE CHARTS. It’s a good song, definitely, but it feels too manufactured for me to enjoy on repeated listening, as in the end, it is a soulless boyband song. What did you expect, a long, in-depth review that focuses on the vocal range of the boys and how excellently they mesh with the smooth R&B production? No, you’re not getting that, because there are better pop songs and better R&B singers that you could be listening to, even if it’s just the early 2000s. In fact, we’ll be talking about another in just a short while.

#9 – “Another Lover” – Dane

No, this is not who I meant! I meant Usher! I didn’t want this complete nobody to come in! Well, what does Dane have to say?

Nothing. He has nothing to say because he is uninteresting and typical lyrically. That was a dumb question, I don’t think he even wrote this song... but in R&B, it’s more about how you say it, and, damn, does he pull off the smooth, Latin-influenced production well! The Latin riffs are still present in the guitars, and the drums are more prominent than they probably should be, but Dane brings a great presence to the track, even if it doesn’t seem like he can actually sing very well at all, using his falsetto a lot of the time to mixed results, but he is fun and has more charisma than Juice WRLD and Dexter Holland when moaning about issues with a partner. I love the whispering in the penultimate chorus as well, which continues in the outro as some kind of acapella percussion, which I appreciate for its experimentalism if anything. This slick 1990s-resembling production and the man’s charisma make this a great listen, even if it’s not on Spotify and only has 70,000 views on YouTube... Yikes. Now, THIS has been forgotten in time.

#6 – “19-2000” – Gorillaz featuring Miho Hatori and Talking Heads (Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz)

I love Gorillaz. I’ve been a fan for a long while now, and I have grown to love how they blend genres excellently in accessible and catchy yet still experimental and strange pop songs, while still believing that the flow of an album is definitely important... well, they used to do that. Right now, with Humanz and The Now Now, it seems that they care more about the singular songs, which is fair because of streaming being more important now, but like the Avalanches, the flow of the album is seminal in my enjoyment of a Gorillaz album, and that has not been consistent recently, with bloated, boring albums and messes of songs like “Sex Murder Party” and... “Man Research (Clapper)”... from their self-titled 2001 debut album. Okay, so, maybe they’ve never been too great at the whole “making tight compositions” thing. This song is kind of proving as that chaotic structure not working too well. Let me elaborate.

“19-2000” is about the new millennium, as its title suggests, and follows the trends of the bridge between 1999 and 2000 very carefully, with a sampled trip-hop/hip-hop drum beat and catchy boyband-like vocalisations. However, it feels very messy in all its minimalistic joy. You have Miho Hatori’s repetitive lyrics about getting “the cool sunshine”, some reversed and heavily-edited vocal samples, Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz doing whatever the hell they want in the background with some multi-tracked humming from frontman Damon Albarn, behind careless and slow verses from Albarn. You also have the “we gon’ break out” bridge thing, which is just kind of there? And then you have the various synth noises going on in one specific ear while there’s finger-snapping – could we have saved this for the video, guys? I don’t know, this song is fun and I’m still relatively positive on it, but like “Tranz” and “DARE”, it seems like too much is going on throughout. Also, I don’t know what’s Albarn, what’s Hatori, what’s Weymouth and where the hell Frantz is, so that’s lovely. It just piles into some kind of ball of musical elements, but they don’t mesh. They just keep growing.

#3 – “U Remind Me” – Usher

Usher is one of my favourite artists of all time. His charisma and personality is unmatched in R&B, and he will go down as a legend with some of the best club bangers and powerful and slick R&B ballads in music history. This is US chart-topper “U Remind Me”, from his third album 8701. While I’ve always preferred the Confessions era (my personal favourite Usher track is “Confessions Part II”), I can dig his earlier stuff and this is no exception.

Those introductory strings are damn beautiful, and then the piano and the synths come in, to assist Usher in all his glory, with his smooth delivery and scratched backing gang vocals. Sure, the lyrics can be seen as pretty corny or selfish and close-minded, but Usher pulls them off with his immense amounts of swagger, with a guitar coming in to match his charisma in the second verse. Oh, yeah, the song’s about a girl he can’t date because they remind him too much of an ex... for a song about what seems to be a first-world problem, Usher’s melodramatics may seem unnecessary, but they’re really not. The catchy hook and his many ad-libs really help rather than hinder, as it becomes pretty beautiful considering its potentially silly subject matter by the end. Maybe it’s too long, maybe it’s too overdramatic, but I don’t care. Usher pulls it off like no-one else ever could.

#1 – “The Way to Your Love” – Hear’Say

Okay, can I get a “get out of review” free card? Come on, it’s the eleventh new arrival and it’s the most anti-climactic, blandest-as-possible pop song, orchestrated by a trash talent show, with talented yet uninteresting and charmless singers, as well as cliché production – although the drums here are pretty cool albeit unfitting, I will admit – including the cheapest strings I’ve heard this side of Soundcloud rap, which I feel I’ve made too many comparisons to in a blog about 2000s pop music. Ah, well. What’s this song got to say, do or try and get across? Nothing. Nothing at all. This is so cheesy that I feel the milk being heated already... yet it’s not even funny. It’s just boring. It’s just a slog. Just an uninteresting, undeserving #1. At least it’s not “Freaky Friday”.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to “Hard to Explain” by The Strokes, no competition, although “U Remind Me” is an Honourable Mention and deservedly so. Worst of the Week? Although I have the most bile for our #1 here, yeah, it’s going to “Innocente (Falling in Love)” by Delerium for just being insanely boring, with Dishonourable Mention going to “The Way to Your Love”, I suppose. Nothing here is outright bad, just very uninteresting. See you tomorrow for REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

[mitchbeck]

CANTLON: WOLF PACK CAN WIN TITLE THURSDAY

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - The Hartford Wolf Pack scored two goals in the third period, then held off a late rally by the Sound Tigers to win their home finale in this shortened season 4-3 Tuesday afternoon. The win sets up a winner take all meeting for the Atlantic Division title with Providence Thursday in Marlborough, MA, in the regular season finale against Providence. A regulation win will give the Wolf Pack the division title outright. While three points currently separate, the two teams of those three points were against the Utica Comets- the only non-conference game the Bruins played all season. “We’ve gone 9-2, and I think since we had our big meeting in March, guys committed to learning our systems. We slowed things down a bit, and the biggest change was the growth of our younger players, and it's nice to see the guys on the bench so pumped, and it's gonna be play one more big game on Thursday,” remarked head coach Kris Knoblauch. The Wolf Pack ended their brief home schedule fans with a home mark at .500 of 6-6-0-0 sans fans, and their overall record is 14-8-1-0 for 29 points heading into their season finale in Marlborough, MA on Thursday. Bridgeport concludes their season in third place in the Atlantic Division 7-14-2-0 for 16 points. What turned out to be the game-winning goal came from a simple pass play, and Tim Gettinger did the rest. Jonny Brodzinski, just inside the Wolf Pack blue line, sent a short pass to Gettinger, who saw he had daylight to go past Sound Tigers defenseman Carter Hutton and Mitch Vande Sompel. He sped by Hutton like a locomotive and flipped a dandy backhander over Ken Appleby for what seemed to be a safe two-goal cushion. “We had talked between the first and second period about using our speed, challenge their D, and going wide. When we utilize our speed, we're most effective. He has been one of our most reliable top three or four forwards on a nightly basis. Whether it’s five-on-five, powerplay or shorthanded,” said Knoblauch. Gettinger was all smiles after the game. “Jonny made a great play to me. I looked up and saw I had some space; I used my speed was able to get across and score.” Were you thinking backhander the whole time? “I had the angle and saw I could cut across the net on the D and the goalie and was able to go backhand.” The Wolf Pack had gained the lead first at 3-2 because of some simple but effective forechecking first; Ty Ronning on the right-wing boards lost the puck to the Sound Tigers. Parker Wotherspoon was forced back by Austin Rueschoff. Then behind the net, the Sound Tigers Carter Hutton thought he had an out up the right-wing, but Patrick Khordorenko was there to block that escape hatch, and Rueschhoff was bearing down on him from behind. Hutton lost control of the puck, and it went off the side of the net, skittered in front, and veteran Paul Thompson right there had an easy tap in and jammed home his fifth goal to make it 3-2 at 4:52 for the AHL’s most lethal powerplay scored with three seconds left in the advantage. It wasn’t a highlight tally, but very effective. “Everybody loves to see goals scored, and sometimes it's baffling players see their teammates scoring around the net and sometimes there reluctant around the net. Unless you have a shot like Ovechkin (not many do), you're not going to score many goals from the perimeter! Paul knows that, and you look at his stats. That’s where his goals have been,” remarked Knoblauch. The Sound Tigers didn’t roll over, pulling their goalie with over three minutes to play, scoring for the second time on the afternoon with two minutes left in the period. Once again, Bode Wild’s left point blast was stopped by Adam Huska despite a Tanner Fritz screen, but the loose puck was in front as Arnaud Durandeau pounced on it and ripped his fourth goal over the fallen Huska and Sound Tigers inched closer to the Wolf Pack, but that would be as far as they could get at 4-3. The best Wolf Pack chance of the second period came with just three seconds to go as after Huska made a glove save on a Mitch Vande Sompel shot. Huska dropped the puck to Vincent LoVerde and pointed to center ice. Coming out of the penalty box was defenseman Patrick Sieloff was at the Sound Tigers blue line. LoVerde caught him perfectly in the direction by Huska, but Sieloff’s backhand shot on a clean breakaway was stopped by the Sound Tigers Ken Appleby’s glove hand. The second period was a perfect road game for the Sound Tigers; combined with a myriad of whistles, offsides, and a lot of board play, there were few clear chances for the Wolf Pack. In the first period, the AHL’s best powerplay help the Wolf Pack take the first lead of the game. Anthony Greco, one hand swipe, kept the puck in the zone to Zach Giuttari, and then he passed it to Jonny Brodzinski, who got his shot on net and was stopped and then a tight in front a bang-bang play Sound Tigers goalie Ken Appleby stoned Patrick Newell on the doorstep. The rebound came back into the high slot Brodzinski corralled the puck and then went onto the left-wing circle dished it back to Greco (team-high six shots), who launched a hard wrister 30 feet out that beat Ken Appleby high stick side at 3:46 for just his third goal of the season. The Sound Tigers were able to get some puck luck as the left point shot by Samuel Bolduc missed the net short side but caromed right off the backboards to Simon Holmstrom, who put in his fifth of the season at 7:38 on the backhand. The Wolf Pack regained the lead as a strong forechecking sequence led to their second goal. Michael O’Leary physical play forced a turnover by Erik Brown, and Austin Rueschhoff, who powered through a hit by Mitch Vande Sompel on his right-wing entry, snagged the loose biscuit. He then circled behind the net and sent a pass back to Mason Geersten, who split the D in two and jammed home his third of the year right at the goalmouth at 14:38. Geersten now has a two-game goal-scoring streak. The pesky Sound Tigers tied the game at two on a powerplay of their own. Cole Coskey deep right got the puck back to Otto Koivula at the right point, and he sent a pass off to Bode Wilf on his offside. The shot from 50 feet out had a perfect screen by Erik Brown in front eluded Adam Huska. It was the second of the season for Wild at 18:00 and knotted the game at two. LINES: Richards-Gettinger-Ronning Newell-Brodzinski-Greco Thompson-Khordorenko-Cullye Rueschhoff-O’ Leary-Geersten Raddysh-Taylor LoVerde-Skinner Giutarri-Sieloff Huska Wall THREE STARS: - Jonny Brodzinski Hartford - Austin Ruesschoff Hartford - Mason Geersten Hartford HONORABLE MENTIONS: - Tim Gettinger Hartford - Adam Huska Hartford - Bode Wild Bridgeport SCRATCHES: -Alex Whalen, James Sanchez, Ryan Dmowski, and Francois Brassard. Gabriel Fontaine (upper-body injury done for the season). -Defenseman Zach Berzolla Colorado College (NCHC) was released from his PTO contract without playing a game for the Wolf Pack. -Bridgeport scratched its team, Seth Helgeson, with six other players. -The Wolf Pack regular season record against Bridgeport finishes up at 8-3-1. Hartford is on a three-game winning streak and are 9-2-0 over their last 11 games. Our mythical seven playoff series using these last seven games as our guide, the Wolf Pack won the series four games to two. -The only other AHL game Tuesday, Laval lost 4-3 in overtime to Toronto at the Bell Centre, and the Marlies goalie Joseph Woll put on a goalie clinic with 57 saves on 60 shots. -A tentative opening date for the 2021-22 AHL season is October 15th. -The AHL will have a Zoom league BOG meeting on Thursday to formally approve the most open secret in hockey the relocation of Vancouver’s AHL team to Abbotsford, BC, who were in the league from 2009-2014 and play at the Abbotsford Civic Centre. We had learned the building had installed NHL style boards and plexiglass ostensibly to host an NHL exhibition game this fall, making the building AHL compliant per non-COVID safety protocols. The other issue is New Jersey’s expected relocation of their Binghamton franchise to Utica and sees the revival of the Utica Devils name for the franchise. -Goalie Trevin Kozlowski, who played at Gunnery Prep (Washington, CT), finishes with Army (AHA) and signs with Iowa (AHL). That makes 68 Division I collegians to sign with a North American with pro teams and 73 total signees. Stanislav Demin became the 55th school transfer from the University of Denver (NCHC) to defending national champion UMASS Minutemen (HE). There have been 44 college grad transfers. -Rangers draft pick (3rd round 92nd overall in October) Oliver Tarnstrom, son of ex-Sound Tiger Dick Tarnstrom, has signed a deal with Rogle BK (Sweden-SHL) for next season and is WJC eligible. This season he played AIK J-20 (Sweden) before the league was shut down because of COVID, skated a few games with AIK (Sweden-Allsvenskan), and has been on loan to Tyresö/Hanviken  (Sweden HockeyEttan Division-1). He is also eligible to skate for the AIK J-20 team next season. -Rogle BK is playing the Vaxjo Lakers for the LeMat Swedish Hockey League championship. Vaxjo is up to two games to none. Jack Drury, son of ex-Whaler Ted Drury and nephew of Hartford GM Chris, plays on the first line. In Game 1, he had a goal and assist and won 80% of his faceoffs. In Game 2, he had the primary assist on the game’s first goal. Among his teammate is ex-CT Whale and Ranger rearguard Tim Erixon. -Ex-Pack and Sound Tiger Chris Bourque is supposed to negotiating with ERC Ingolstadt (Germany-DEL) for next season. -Justin Danforth (Sacred Heart University/Sound Tigers) is coming off a third straight solid season in Europe. He finished sixth in overall KHL, scoring with Vityaz Podolsk with 22 goals and 57 points. He spent his first two years in Finland with Lukko Rauma. He signed a one-year one-way deal at $750K deal with Columbus for 2021-22. -Former Quinnipiac University goalie Michael Garteig has left ERC Ingolstadt to play in Finland next year. Goalie Nick Malik, son of former Whalers, Rangers, and Beast of New Haven defenseman Marek Malik, leaves HC Frydek-Mistek (Czech Republic Division-2), where his father is the assistant coach and has signed with KooKoo (Finland-FEL). -Ex-Pack and Ranger, Jan Hlavac 44, will be playing yet another year going from BK Nova Paka to HC Letnany (Czech Republic Division-3). -Fabian-Dahlstrom Zuccarello (CT Oilers-EHL), the younger brother of former CT Whale and Rangers, Mats Zuccarello, now with Minnesota, is going down several levels from Lorenskog (Norway-NEL) to Hasle/Loren (Norway Division-2). HARTFORD WOLF PACK HOME Read the full article

[jaycollinspackers-blog]

Packers 2018 schedule released

Football fans rejoice! One of the most hotly anticipated events of the offseason and quite possibly the most anticipated event of April is upon us. I am, of course, referring to the release of the regular season schedule. Forget the Draft, OTAs, the Combine…this is the real deal. Of course, this is no ordinary season for the Cheeseheads. 2018 marks the 100th season of football in Green Bay, so with that, let’s have a look at the Green Bay Packers 2018 schedule.

 September

The Packers will kick off their historic 100th season in perhaps the most apropos manner – with a Sunday Night Football prime time matchup against lifelong rivals, the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field. The Bears went 5-11 in 2017 which was enough to earn them fourth place in the NFC North and the eighth pick in the 2018 Draft. The Bears will be looking to bounce back after a tumultuous 2017 campaign which saw second overall draft pick QB Mitch Trubisky throw for seven touchdowns and seven interceptions in twelve games. With a full offseason, a helping of starting experience under his belt, a new Head Coach in Matt Nagy and some new offensive weapons in TE Trey Burton from Philly, WR Taylor Gabriel from the Falcons and ex-Jaguar WR Allen Robinson, look for the freshman to come out looking to spoil the Packers hopes of a perfect start to their centenary season.

Week 2 will see a visit to Lambeau from another division rival from Minnesota. 2017 was a disastrous year for the Packers against the Vikings; the road game in week 6 saw the infamous late hit from Anthony Barr which broke Rodgers collarbone in a loss which thrust backup QB Brett Hundley into the spotlight and sent a promising looking campaign into disarray. Their second meeting at Lambeau in week 16 was just as painful. Coming off a loss to Carolina which saw Rodgers in action for the only game of the season after breaking his collarbone, the Vikings were instrumental as the Packers were shutout for the second time in the season. Look for Rodgers and the Packers to have a formidable chip on their collective shoulder against their rivals in Purple who won perhaps the biggest prize in free agency in the form of QB Kirk Cousins this year.

Week 3 will see the Packers’ first road game of the season as they travel to Washington to take on newly acquired QB Alex Smith and the Redskins. The Rodgers, Smith rivalry famously dates back to 2005 when Smith was selected first overall in the Draft by the San Francisco 49ers over Rodgers who was favourite across the board to be taken first. However, Rodgers famously slipped to pick number 24 where he was scooped up by the Packers and the rest, as they say, is history. Week 4 will showcase a relatively unusual visit from the AFC East Buffalo Bills in a matchup that occurs once only every eight years. Buffalo are coming off a season which saw their first playoff appearance since 1999 which came with a little help from the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bills will be looking to taste the playoffs again this season with a renewed vigour, so don’t expect to see the same Bills from the last sixteen years.

- With three home games and a road game against Washington, the Packers look to be in a prime position to get off to a hot start to the 2018 season.  

 October

The Packers will kick off Breast Cancer awareness month with a visit to the division rival Detroit Lions. Green Bay were swept last year by the Lions under the leadership of QB Brett Hundley, so look for the Packers to be fierce against all division rivals this year, especially the Lions. Next up in week 6, the Packers are staying home for a Monday Night game to take on once rivals San Francisco 49ers who are pretty high going into the season on QB Jimmy Garoppolo, who was traded from the Patriots last October and has so far won every game he’s started for the 49ers. The signing of Jimmy G and a number of offseason acquisitions have made the 49ers hot candidates to become relevant once again in 2018. 

A week 7 bye will be a welcome sight for the Packers as they will have an extra week to prepare for a week 8 tilt in Los Angeles against the SuperBowl contender LA Rams. The Rams, who looked like one of the hottest teams in the NFC got to the playoffs last year and were stopped short by the Falcons on wildcard weekend. They are looking to build on the momentum from 2017 after making a slew of offseason free agent acquisitions, most notably on the defence in DT Ndamukong Suh (who will now be on the same defensive line as star DT Aaron Donald,) CB Aquib Talib, CB Marcus Peters and former Packer CB Sam Shields. They also made a big name signing on offence in WR Sammy Watkins, so with a young QB in Jared Goff and one of the NFL’s premier backs in RB Todd Gurley, the Rams look to be one of the teams to beat in the NFC this season.

- The Packers will appreciate the extra time to prepare for a very tough schedule coming out of a week 7 bye and into November. Barring any major injuries, the Packers will be looking to set themselves up to make a hot run into the second half of the season which boasts some formidable matchups.

 November

The Packers kick off a very tough looking November schedule with a trip from the West Coast to the East in a game that will see two future Hall of Famers match up for only the second time in their careers. Of course, I am talking about QB Aaron Rodgers and QB Tom Brady in a week 9 matchup in Boston, MA to take on the mighty New England Patriots on Sunday Night Football. The Patriots are coming off yet another SuperBowl appearance where they came within yards of hoisting a sixth Lombardi Trophy. Consistently the team to beat in the AFC, the Patriots will be looking to uphold their reputation on their home turf.  

Perhaps the least formidable matchup in November for the Packers will come in week 10 with a visit from the Miami Dolphins. The Packers brought former Offensive Coordinator and former Dolphins Head Coach Joe Philbin back as their Offensive Coordinator this offseason, so he will be looking to bring a good game to his old team and hopefully grab a home win.

The slog resumes in weeks 11 and 12 though, with a short break before a colour rush Thursday Night game in Seattle followed by a “mini bye” before heading over to Minnesota for Sunday Night Football matchup against the Vikings. These are two teams who are incredibly strong at home and will both be looking to carry momentum through their seasons to take them deep into the playoffs. It is also the fifth year in a row the Packers will play the Seahawks who have become somewhat of a rival to the Packers since the infamous 2012 “Fail Mary” play.

- November could be a make or break month for the Packers and could heavily shape the playoff picture come January. The Packers will be looking to carry some serious momentum into December and hopefully even further.

December

Everyone’s favourite football month where the playoff picture starts to develop and every game means that little bit more. The Packers will open December at Lambeau Field with a visit from the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals are not quite the team they were when the Packers faced them twice in the space of a few weeks in 2015. Since going 13-3 in 2015, the Cardinals posted records of 7-8-1 in 2016 and 8-8 in 2017. QB Carson Palmer announced his retirement this offseason and the Cardinals brought in QB Sam Bradford as his replacement, who has seen plenty of the Packers in his career, so the Packers will be looking to capitalise on this matchup. Following the Cardinals, the Packers will host the Atlanta Falcons for a week 14 matchup that could further influence the playoff picture with the Packers this time having home field advantage. The Falcons have become hot opponents for the Packers in recent years with matchups in four of the last five seasons including playoffs and coming out on the losing side of the last two.

Two home games in December will be followed by two road games at Chicago to face the Bears and New York to face the Jets in weeks 15 and 16 respectively. From 1999 to 2013, the Packers played the Bears in December every season. This streak was ended by the famous play in week 17 of the 2013 season when returning from a collarbone injury, QB Aaron Rodgers threw a Touchdown pass to WR Randall Cobb on 4th and 8 with less than two minutes in the game, behind by four points to send the Packers into the postseason with another NFC North title. 2018 marks only the second season (2016) since that famous play where the Packers and Bears will face off in December and the Packers will be looking to sweep the Bears again this time around. Meanwhile in New York, the Jets signed former Vikings QB Teddy Bridgewater who will be looking to make a huge rebound after suffering a brutal knee injury prior to a very promising looking 2016 season. Since then, Bridgewater has only played in one game for the Vikings after some doctors feared he would never play football again, making this an intriguing matchup.

To cap off the regular season, Green Bay will play division rivals Detroit Lions for the third year in a row, but for the first time since 2014 as the host. The Packers will be looking to end the season hot with the hopes of carrying momentum through January and into the postseason.

- December is always a fun time for football with the playoff picture establishing and every team making the push down the stretch to make it to the postseason. The Packers will be looking to take back the NFC North title after the Vikings took the crown last season and they will be looking to get back into the playoffs after missing the postseason for the first time in nine years in 2017. The Packers have been decimated by injuries for the last few seasons, so they will be hoping to end the streak of bad luck and establish themselves as the premier team in the NFC once again in the race to get future Hall of Famer Aaron Rodgers his second SuperBowl ring, further establishing his legacy as one of the greatest QBs to ever play the game. 

With a new General Manager Brian Gutekunst in the building along with new Offensive and Defensive coordinators in former Dolphins Head Coach Joe Philbin and former Browns Head Coach Mike Pettine respectively along with Mike McCarthy, the Packers have made some noise in the offseason already by signing TE Jimmy Graham, DE Mohammad Wilkerson and trading CB Damarious Randall to the Browns in exchange for QB Deshone Kizer, but the offseason hasn’t been without its losses. This year saw long time fan favourite WR Jordy Nelson released and subsequenly signed by the Oakland Raiders. These signings along with a strong draft could put the Packers in a position to make a strong push in the 2018 season as they resume their quest to bring the Lombardi trophy home to Titletown.

Written by Jay Collins

[writesandramblings]

The Captain’s Secret - p.37

“Walking in Space”

A/N: Everything is fluffy until it's not. We tell the biggest lies to ourselves.

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << 36 - She’s Like a Rainbow 38 - This Binary Universe >>

2255.

"Anything, Arzo?"

"Negative, sir."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think we were dealing with lului." They were standing in the middle of a town square market. There were stalls of fruits, vegetables, cloth, rugs, housewares, virtually everything imaginable. Beautiful buildings with curved, ribbed architecture rose around them. The only thing missing was the people.

"I cannot deny the similarities," said Arzo. "I suspect that is why they assigned us. Several other ships have attempted to locate this planet already without success."

"So we're the 'species in hiding' specialists," sighed Lorca, looking around. He ran his fingers across a piece of grey-blue cloth flecked with bits of white and yellow. "I mean, we're good at it, apparently. Two for two now."

It had taken the better part of three months to track the planet's location. Zero radio signals, no satellites, and fleeting sightings of ships across six sectors that always ran, resisted scanners, and never answered hails. Evidence of mining operations, too, in several systems. Just not this system.

The crew called them the Scaredycats. Ran at the first sign of danger. Scattered their warp trails to avoid being traced. Nothing but blurry pictures at max magnification of their ships. Never darted exactly towards their homeworld when they were spotted, which was how Lorca had traced them. When there was one system vector near the middle of their range they never quite seemed to use, it seemed the best system to check out.

Owing to the lack of signals or orbital technology, their planet appeared very nondescript. The Buran's sensors detected life signs in great abundance but low concentrations. They had no cities and instead lived in a series of scattered towns almost evenly dispersed across the inhabitable surface areas, a network of roads running between them. Mapping out the roads and villages revealed an arrangement more like a carefully planned web or a piece of mesh than a naturally-occurring society, but there were signs that the mesh had spread over time. The structures increased in age as you went west and north across the largest continent.

Their arrival in orbit had led to a curious phenomenon on the surface. The life signs initially detected began to vanish, apparently in relation to the Buran's presence in visual range.

There had been some objections to beaming down. Levy's, most notably. "I'm not convinced this is the place the ships are coming from. The conditions on the surface look positively bronze-age."

"This is it, all right," swore Lorca. "I'll bet you anything."

Levy attempted to take the bet. "Two weeks shore leave?"

"Lieutenant, if I lose the bet, not only do you not get shore leave, chances are you no longer have a captain."

Levy scrunched up her face. "Then, your entire supply of fortune cookies against my tennis racket?" What she was going to do with a thousand fortune cookies was anyone's guess.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Benford. "You won't win the bet."

"Sir, we're being scanned!" called out an ensign at the science station.

Lorca gave a tiny swish of his wrist and popped his mouth, giving the effect of returning a volley. "Ace," he declared. Levy hung her head. Lorca took pity on her. "How about a match and we call it even."

"You have got to stop gambling against the captain," said Benford as Lorca started gathering an away team. "Have you won once yet? I'm beginning to think you have a problem, lieutenant."

Owing to the unpredictability of the reception, the away team heavily favored security personnel. Lorca, Benford, Morita, and two more security crewmen, Doss and Havisham. Arzo and Patel rounded the team out, in as much as a five-to-two ratio of security personnel to scientists could be considered at all well-rounded.

Leaving Sural in charge of the ship, they beamed down and the Buran left the system. The life signs then returned to the surface. On approach, they were spotted by a red-clad humanoid who immediately raised some sort of alarm, and the life signs disappeared again.

Arzo crouched down and picked up a handful of dirt. "Sir, I believe I understand what is going on here. The soil has been seeded with topaline."

Topaline was a rare mineral with the ability to disrupt sensors. "Seeded?"

"Yes. This is not naturally-occurring. It must have been intentional. I believe the aliens have all gone underground, sir."

They wandered the town, but there were no signs of any hatches leading downward and no way to scan for the underground bunkers or passageways that they knew had to be down there. Apparently the entrances were well-hidden. The whole place was eerie. They returned to the market.

"What do you want to do?" asked Benford. Everyone looked to Lorca for one of his trademark cunning plans.

He had one, but it wasn't very good. "Bear with me on this," he said. "Remember that big rock with the split in it we passed on the way here? Take Doss and Havisham and go find a good-size rock, split it in half, and bring it back here. Patel, grab some of that navy-colored cloth." Morita stood lookout, not that it was necessary. The aliens weren't coming out. Arzo wandered around, scanning and examining various objects and recording instances of language and technology, which was decidedly more advanced than bronze-age on closer inspection.

After a minute, Patel declared, "I see what you're doing!"

"Well then don't just stand there, give me a hand!"

When they were done, Benford declared it a "preschool art project" based on his firsthand knowledge of the subject. It was a very crude lifesize rendition of a silver humanoid made out of metal pots and pans wearing a red outfit holding hands with a humanoid made out of navy blue cloth with a smiley face drawn in the dirt for a head. A large split rock sat between the two.

They retreated back to the actual split rock. "You've lost me on this one, Gabriel," said Benford, out of earshot of the others.

"It's psychology," said Lorca. "We came, messed with their stuff, but creatively, not destructively, and left a message a preschooler could understand."

"I'm pretty sure absolutely none of that is real psychology."

"Also, it was so bizarre, they're gonna be scratching their heads." Lorca started to snicker.

Benford grabbed Lorca's arm. "Hold up. Was this a real plan, or did you just want us to cart around rocks before the ship came back?" Absolutely nothing on Lorca's face dissuaded Benford from the veracity of this conclusion. Quite the opposite: Lorca started laughing harder. "Seriously?"

"I'm sorry, Jack!" laughed Lorca, almost in tears. It hadn't been intentionally a joke, but imagining Benford and the others running around cracking rocks trying to find the perfect one was priceless. "I mean, it could work. Stranger things have happened."

Benford rubbed his face in exasperation. "I'm putting in for a transfer," he said, but he was laughing, too, and they both knew it was an empty threat.

It did not work, but on their second trip to the surface, they left a communications system with the flag of the United Federation of Planets laid out on the ground in front of it, and on their third, a holorecording with a built-in translator providing a greeting and stating their purpose. Between each trip they left the system so the aliens would emerge from their underground hiding spots and have a chance to process these gifts.

As they returned a fourth time, they got a frantic call from the surface on the equipment they had left behind. "Alien vessel, what do you want!"

"Greetings, unidentified planet. This is Captain Lorca of the United Federation of Planets..."

"I can't believe we annoyed them into making first contact!" laughed Yoon at dinner later that week. This week the featured cuisine was Ktarian. Yoon described the meal as "proof the Ktarians excel at more than just desserts."

Lorca fixed her with a look. "Annoy them? Is that what you think I did."

"Well they certainly didn't seem to like you."

The Hizanites had agreed, by the end of it, to host a small Federation delegation in the near future, provided the Buran went away and never came back. It turned out they were terrified of everything in the universe, but most especially alien conquerors. They had endeavored to hide themselves once they realized they were not alone in the universe. Unfortunately for them, in an increasingly crowded universe, discovery was inevitable. Lorca managed to convince them that their chances were better off befriending the Federation than waiting for someone else to find them.

"Reiko, help me out here," said Lorca.

As usual, Morita had been sitting in quiet thought while Yoon and Lorca talked. "It wasn't just that the captain annoyed them," she said after a moment. "He also let them know we weren't a threat. Leaving gifts and coming back repeatedly. It's what you would do to befriend a stray cat. Just on a shorter timescale."

"See? Reiko gets it."

Morita's face clouded. "But... The people you made on the ground?"

"We had an hour to kill. Had to do something. Call it out of the box thinking. And I have to think it disarmed them somewhat when they saw it."

"I'm sure it did, because apparently you looked insane," said Yoon, giggling.

"My results speak for themselves."

"To results, then!" proclaimed Yoon, and they toasted their glasses of wine. Yoon took an exceptionally large gulp and set her glass down with a look of determination. "Right. Okay."

She seemed to be talking herself up to doing something. Lorca arced an eyebrow.

"Gabriel. There's something we want to ask you. Reiko and I have been thinking..." Morita took Yoon's hand. "We were wondering... if you might... Oh my gosh, this is so hard to ask!" She clapped her other hand against her face.

Such conversations, in Lorca's experience, usually went a certain way. In this case, it went a different way entirely.

"We want to have a baby. And because it would be me, and Reiko doesn't have any siblings, we were wondering if you might... consent to be the donor?"

It was very rare for Lorca to be rendered completely off-guard. He blinked rapidly. He couldn't even form any words.

"You don't have to decide now. And if you don't want to, we completely understand, and it's no problem. There are cousins we can ask, there are donor banks. It's just, you've been coming to our table for six years now, and you have all the qualities we'd want our child to have, and you're part of our family. We don't want you to feel obligated, but we had to ask."

"I mean... Wow. That's... and here I thought you were gonna ask me for a threesome."

Yoon shrieked his name, hit him, and laughed so hard she almost fell out of her chair.

Morita rolled her eyes and turned to Yoon. "Okay, have we seriously considered what happens if our child gets his sense of humor?"

Lorca had not spoken in several minutes. He was staring out the window, alternately running his hand over his mouth, cheek, and forehead. "I don't know what to do," he said at last. "It's a big honor, but..." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I don't even know if there should be any more Lorcas running around in this universe."

"How can you say that?" said Lalana. "As far as I am concerned, there should always be a Lorca. It is a much better universe with some piece of you in it."

His hand rubbed his temple again. "You don't know. I never told you." His eyes squeezed shut and his face contorted. "Lalana..." He pressed his hand against his face so hard his fingertips went white and he let out a choked sob. He slid his hand down over his eyes. This was one of those rare gestures that lului and humans shared.

"Gabriel, what is wrong?"

He pulled his hand back down over his mouth and managed to open his eyes. They were rimmed with tears. He took a breath. "I..." He wished the holocomms showed her correctly. Even though he wouldn't have been able to touch her, it would have been some comfort to have the sense of presence holocomms provided instead of the flat projection of her face.

"You do not have to say if you do not wish to."

"Okay," he said, but it wasn't a statement of agreement with her offer. He was saying it to himself. He took another deep breath. "Do you remember on Risa? In the Winowa? And the first time." His voice was small, weak, and rasping—entirely unlike him.

"I remember, Hayliel."

"You said you were running to the stars and I told you I was like you, but I'm not. I'm not." Air sniffled through his nose as it began to close up. "I didn't run to the stars. I just... I ran away. I'm always running away. I—I can't. I can't go back." He covered his eyes again. "I can't! I can't!" He began to repeat it over and over again.

He could see it. Her face, his father's hands, big hands, strong hands that knew exactly where to strike. Everything perfect, because it had to look perfect, that was the most important thing, and every bit of it a lie. He'd learned early how important it was to lie, and to keep lying, and to show everyone the face you were supposed to wear in front of others and never, ever, to let it slip. He learned to misdirect, out of necessity. He learned to pretend. And he was very, very good at learning these lessons. He had to be. He had no choice.

And it was all the harder because he loved them both, and knew they both loved him, and if he hadn't run away, maybe they would be with him still, despite everything.

Lalana watched him shake and sob into his hand from her ship, desperately wishing there was more she could do. Lorca had given her everything when she had nothing. She wanted to return that favor more than anything. "Hayliel, listen to me. I was wrong about the human concept of spirit. We are all greater than the bodies we inhabit. Which is why I can say this with absolute certainty. It does not matter that you are running away. It only matters that we are running in the same direction. Because it means I am with you every step of the way."

Her words were almost enough. He fell into quieter, uneven breathing.

There was one more thing she could offer him. It had taken them some time to complete the task the first time, but they had gotten there in the end, and maybe now it was time to begin again.

"In the year 1866, the whole maritime population of Europe and America was excited by an inexplicable phenomenon. This excitement was not confined to merchants, common sailors, sea-captains, shippers, and naval officers of all countries, but the governments of many states on the two continents were deeply interested. The excitement was caused by a long, spindle-shaped, and sometimes phosphorescent object, much larger than a whale..."

Part 38

[morcinder]

Most of Utopia’s residents gathered on the cliffs and the tops of the main building looking down at the rocky not-quite beach, word about the fight over the X-Jet (and Cyclops’ bike) spread in record time. Team Red and Team New Mutants stood on opposite sides of the rocks, a good portion of people were there because Ash asked, but Hellion and Prodigy were leading.

Danger was moderating the fight. No large scale warping, no lethal combat, if it seemed like that might happen she would step in. Any hit that one of the fighters took that would normally take them out of combat if they were being serious, meant they were out of the game.

Ash sat with Dorian and Roxas talking to them quietly. Team Red was a little bigger than Team New Mutants, but only if you counted the Cuckoos as one person, which most of them did. Max spoke quietly to his grandsons and left the field and gave Ash’s hair a ruffle on the way out making her squeal and indignant noise and half heartedly try to kick him away. Cyclops looked completely unflustered but he quietly stressed about the fate of his poor motorcycle.

When Danger called the start of the fight, all hell broke loose as people took to the skies or zeroed in on preferred targets. Pietro and Tommy took off in blurs, clashing repeatedly in brief flashes and kicking up dirt and sand.

Instantly Levy and Teddy both turned themselves into giant horse sized coywolves, Teddy was an exact duplicate of Levy. Rahne transformed into her own werewolf form and they sniffed each other out. The two massive wolves ran in circles around Rahne, cornering her and herding her away from the fight and both snapped their massive jaws at her when she tried to leap over or under them even as she swiped her razor sharp claws at them. Teddy leapt at Rahne and she threw herself to the side to avoid him, but Levy slammed into Rahnes back and knocked her down and then promptly dropped his very heavy body on her and pinned her to the sand. Teddy transformed from a coywolf, to Rahne, and ran back to the battlefield to cause some havoc. Levy laughed in his wolfy way as Danger materialized and tagged Rahne out- but at almost the exact same moment Levy was lifted by magic and hurled into the air with a surprised howl, as Magik herself had her sword pointed at him. He was thrown far away from the fight into some trees.

Roxas was the odd one out in this fight, he didn’t have special powers as far as anyone but Ash was concerned, but he was inhumanly zippy and fast and Magma was having a hard time trying to catch that speedy little blonde as he dodged and weaved and kicked up sand as he ducked little spurts of flame. Magma was knocked flat on her ass with a well placed kick to the chest and he ran off deeper into the fray.

Billy and Tsura were entertaining themselves shooting off small spells to scare off New Mutants who looked like they might start winning their individual fights, and tossing people back into the air or far down the beach away from the fight so they had to run back. Tsura threw her hand out and abruptly the sand split apart and Magma was dragged down under the sand up to her waist and buried her there, along with Warlock, but Warlock simply shapeshifted and snaked away under the beach.

Abruptly though, the Billy and Tsura were both hit with the force of a small car and arms locked around their waists, and the two were pulled out of midair and thrown straight into icy water as Pietro ripped them out of the sky and disrupted their concentrations. Robotic hands fished them both back out.

Rictor ripped up massive stones from the earth only to be barreled into at the center of his back and promptly deposited on the highest tower of Utopia, scaring the hell out of the poor man, as Tommy got revenge for his brothers soaking defeat.

Ash was entertaining herself yanking legs out from under people and spinning them around against their will with her Hemokinesis, all while she was sitting on a rock, ready to jump up and run if she had to, but infuriating some other members of the New Mutants. Pietro knocked into her and knocked her flat on her ass off the stone. She spun around and quickly got up to her feet and braced herself. She didn’t bother to look for Pietro, just closed her eyes and tracked his heart as he ran circles around her.

Layla Miller had Warpath locked in a shield bubble and was sitting on the sand in her shorts and tank top. Danger came to claim Warpath, and she raised her hand and forfeited to the chagrin of Monet who stopped briefly to yell at her teammate, just in time for Cannonball to hit her with all the force of his namesake.

They hit the beach together but Cannonball was knocked off with a blur of white and Shatterstar shoved the boy’s face into the sand. Monet flew off to find another fight.  

Tommy on the other side of the beach was brought up short by an illusion of walls of sand bursting up around him, as the cuckoo's held hands and dug into his mind to confuse and trick him as he ran around in circles looking for the way out.

Meltdown was hurling her powers at Julien Keller, doing his very best to try to irritate her into a fury as he swatted away her blasts with his TK and his smug. Abruptly though, a hidden bomb went off under his feet and knocked him into the tide spitting up sand and sputtering and cursing as Danger dragged him off of the field.

Across the beach Pietro lost his patience with his niece forcing him off course and pushing him away and he went to grab her and deposit her in the water too, but as soon as he picked her up his whole body locked up in a full body cramp as she forced his muscles to seize, making Pietro stumble and dump them both in the tide this time before he could toss her out to sea. Ash was laughing even as she came up sputtering and pulled Pietro up with her for Danger to retrieve.

She swam back towards the beach and stumbled back onto the sand with waves buffeting at her. While Meltdown laughed hysterically at Julien’s face, David abruptly twisted her into a headlock and shoved her down in to the same tidepool she just made so her bombs fizzed out in the water. There she went.

Magik though, swooped down, hovering above Ash with a nasty grin that said  and the two girls pulled their hands back, Magik with her sword and Ash’s palm splitting open, but before either of them could throw anything at each other a flurry of feathers landed in front of Ash, and teleported her away from Magik, leaving Dorian and Magik staring each other down.

Warlock caught Roxas up in an embrace and grinned his maniac alien grin at Roxas and started asking him questions rapid fire about his universe, his speed, while Roxas kicked and tried to get out of the alien robots bear hug. Danger didn’t bother to remind Warlock that he was supposed to be in a competition, just steered the both of them off of the battlefield.

Abruptly, as Gabriel tricked Sunspot in to knocking himself out with a particularly spectacular running into a wave break, Danger’s mechanical voice boomed out over the crowd, and told them to cease.

Magik and Dorian though, didn’t quite get the message. Dorian was teleporting around in the sky, whirling around Magik and frustrating her as she blindly threw spells and swung her sword at him, but always just a little too slow, a little too late to actually hit him. Dorian was sweating hard and his eyes shone bright as he struggled to watch Magik’s future attacks while not getting hit in the present. Eventually Magik let a howl of frustration out and raised her sword to the sky, and space started twisting around the tip of her blade as she began casting a summoning spell. Tsura’s eyes flashed gold and she began to shimmer, but before she could try to stop Magik, they were all interrupted.

“ILLYANA.” Scott shouted from the ground in his best no nonsense tone, and she stopped abruptly, looking down at him. Even she had the decency to look a little embarrassed and dropped herself down from where she hovered. Ash ran over to Dorian and wiped at his forehead with her sleeve and stroked his hair, looking him over for injuries and scolding him a little bit for pushing himself so hard during a game. Dorian didn’t look bothered though, and just kept grinning his goofy grin.

Danger called everyone back to the starting zone. The New Mutants had Dani Moonstar, Cypher, and the Cuckoos left, a depressingly small amount considering. Team Red still had Ash, Tsura, David, Teddy, Velocidad, Hawkeye, Dorian, and Shatterstar standing- though Shatterstar had run off to find Rictor and Danger decided he was ‘out’ on that alone. But either way, Team Red objectively had won and they were being incredibly smug about it. Emma grinned smugly at Cyclops from behind her champagne.

Inwardly Cyclops grieved for his bike while he picked leaves out of Magiks hair.

[junker-town]

10 players you can care about this NFL preseason

We’ll keep track of their progress each week leading up to the new season.

The NFL preseason doesn’t mean much if you’re an established starter. At best, it’s a chance to run through a handful of series and break up the monotony of training camp. At worst, it’s a few hours roaming the sidelines in front of a disinterested crowd while zoning in and out of some AAF-caliber football.

But if you’re battling for a spot on the roster, these games could be the difference between earning your jersey and being unemployed come September. Unproven players and longtime veterans looking for one more shot will use exhibition experiences to convince coaches they belong on the team. While stars are going through the motions, they’ll be the guys tearing up the field as though it were January.

This leaves a major opportunity for young players and journeymen to add a little extra name value in NFL circles. In years past, players like Raheem Mostert and Jacoby Brissett have turned garbage time’s garbage time into the resume fodder that kept them on full-time rosters. Who will we have our eyes on as the 2019 preseason kicks into full swing?

We’ve got a few names in mind, and we’ll be tracking their progress through the four weeks of preseason, so be sure to check back for updates.

Garrett Bradbury, C, Minnesota Vikings

Center isn’t the sexiest position in football. You know what else isn’t sexy? Butt sweat. And apparently that’s two strikes against Bradbury.

Kirk Cousins was all loose lips when he told reporters about his rookie center’s “posterior sweating.”

“He says it’s not a problem on gamedays, so the moment of truth: Friday night,” Cousins said playfully before the Vikings’ preseason opener. “That’s a big thing I’m going to take away from Friday night is how tough was it to grip the ball after he snaps it to me?”

Cousins was just having a little fun and really, there is no shame in normal bodily functions like perspiration, no matter where it comes from. Still, all eyes will be on those exchanges under center in Minnesota this preseason, because the last thing Cousins needs is another obstacle to fixing his fumbling issues.

Danny Etling, QB??????, New England Patriots

Etling showed up to the first day of Patriots training camp wearing a white jersey instead of his typical non-contact quarterback red jersey.

The 2018 seventh-round pick spent his first NFL season as the Patriots’ third-string quarterback. But he has been alternating between wide receiver and quarterback drills in camp as he fell to fourth string, behind Tom Brady, Brian Hoyer, and rookie fourth-rounder Jarrett Stidham.

Etling has also made some appearances on special team drills, lending to the idea that Bill Belichick could use him in a Taysom Hill-type role rather than a straight quarterback-to-receiver like Julian Edelman. The problem is Etling doesn’t have the same athleticism that those guys do. It’s a long shot that Etling makes the final 53-man roster, but we still want to see how Belichick uses this August.

And no matter what happens to Etling, he’ll always have this 86-yard touchdown run from last preseason.

Justice Hill, RB, Baltimore Ravens

Baltimore used the 2019 draft to add speed on offense. Oklahoma wide receiver Marquise Brown was the headliner of the Ravens’ draft class, but their most intriguing rookie might be Oklahoma State running back Justice Hill.

Hill was one of the stars of the NFL Combine. He posted results in the 90th percentile for the 40-yard dash, vertical jump, and broad jump. He won’t be taking over Mark Ingram’s role as the starting running back, but he has the potential to create explosive plays every time he touches the ball.

Just imagine this dude paired with Lamar Jackson in the backfield.

Footwork is gorgeous here by Justice Hill. That stutter step and quick explosive cut is going to work in the NFL every time because of how he set it up. Those moves in succession are huge. Hill might be the shiftiest back in the class. pic.twitter.com/KMXPxLghIS

— Nick Farabaugh (@FarabaughFB) April 17, 2019

Hill can carve out a role for himself in the revamped Ravens offense with a strong showing in the preseason. He’s certainly talented enough to do that.

Jake Kumerow, WR, Green Bay Packers

The Packers didn’t do much to upgrade their receiving corps for Aaron Rodgers, and that’s an endorsement for youngsters like Equanimeous St. Brown, Marquez Valdes-Scantling, and J’Mon Moore. But there’s also a 27-year-old Wisconsin-Whitewater grad with what may be his last shot to make an NFL roster.

Kumerow, a former Division III Offensive Player of the Year, bounced around the league before returning to the Badger State. He emerged late in the year to provide a useful third or fourth option for Rodgers, finishing with eight catches and a 72.7 percent catch rate, gaining 103 yards and adding a touchdown in the process.

He still faces tough competition at receiver. Davante Adams is a sturdy WR1, and Geronimo Allison is healthy again after missing 11 games due to injury last season. St. Brown, Valdes-Scantling, and Moore are all jockeying for depth chart position. So are 2016 draftee Trevor Davis and last year’s late signee Allen Lazard.

Kumerow will have a great opportunity in Green Bay — but he might have to show out during the preseason to stay on the roster.

Avonte Maddox, CB, Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles might have found a steal in the fourth round of the 2018 draft. Maddox was pushed into the lineup after the several injuries at cornerback last season, and he performed admirably.

According to Pro Football Focus, Maddox wasn’t just good for a rookie; he was one of the most productive cornerbacks in the league.

Maddox played a big role in the Eagles upsetting the Rams on the road last year as they surged toward the playoffs. Maddox played 100 percent of the snaps, recording three tackles and defending two passes — one of which was an interception.

Philadelphia already has one of the most stacked rosters in the league. If Maddox can maintain his level play from a year ago, the Eagles could be one of the most complete teams we’ve seen in a while.

Kyler Murray, QB, Arizona Cardinals

Who doesn’t want to see the No. 1 pick in the draft in his first NFL action?

Murray was the Heisman Trophy winner in his final season at Oklahoma. He was also a top 10 pick in the 2018 MLB Draft and opted to pass on a baseball career to pursue football.

He’s a dynamic, unique talent who will try to overcome his height deficiency (he’s 5’10) to turn around the offensively inept Cardinals. Helping him to try to achieve that goal is first-year coach Kliff Kingsbury, whose offensive system that will presumably be about the closest an NFL team has ever been to a college-style spread offense.

Oddsmakers have set the over/under for wins for the Cardinals at just 5.5 in 2019. So far, Murray’s getting rave reviews, but his performance in the preseason should provide the first indications of if Arizona will top that total.

Ed Oliver, DT, Buffalo Bills

The Bills already had one of the league’s better secondaries and now they have a potentially dominant defensive tackle to play in front of them.

At his pro day, Oliver ran a 4.73 40-yard dash and had other workout results that were more in line with skill position players rather than defensive linemen. The first-round pick’s athleticism should be on full display against the bevy of backups that he’ll see during the preseason.

Hopefully, Oliver is able to replicate this training camp moment in a preseason game.

Ed Oliver just burst into the backfield so quickly three offensive linemen all went to the ground. Unreal. https://t.co/OxfXOBkzMc

— Mark Ludwiczak (@marklud12) August 1, 2019

Oliver will quickly get a chance to prove that he can replace the recently retired Kyle Williams as the heart and soul of the Buffalo defense. Oliver was completely dominant in college — now it’s time to see how skill translates to the NFL.

Kemoko Turay, DE, Indianapolis Colts

All-Pros Quenton Nelson and Darius Leonard headlined the Colts’ 2018 draft class, but there’s another member poised for a breakout season.

Turay had four sacks in 14 games last season, which is pretty solid production for a second-round rookie. According to Sports Info Solutions, Turay ranked 12th out in pressure rate among the 114 defensive ends and linebackers with at least 200 pass rush snaps in 2018.

While he has a slender build at 6’5, 248 pounds, he’s a ridiculous athlete who can turn the corner like a skill player, like he did on this sack against the Eagles.

Turay developing would help the Colts’ defense take the next step as they try to get back to the playoffs this season. We’ll get a good idea of his progress during this preseason.

Quinnen Williams, DL, New York Jets

Williams was one of the best — if not THE best — defensive players in the 2019 NFL Draft. The Jets picked him at No. 3 overall.

In 2018, Williams won the John Outland Trophy that goes to the top interior lineman in college football, but he can ideally play anywhere along the defensive line. At 6’3 and 303 pounds with a good mix of speed and athleticism, he’s almost impossible to block.

Williams is currently listed behind Steve McLendon at nose tackle on the Jets’ depth chart, but head coach Adam Gase said Williams’ “football IQ” along with his ability will make him an immediate contributor to the Jets’ defense.

Plus, we just love him:

No comment @QuinnenWilliams pic.twitter.com/BIFB7BYQLc

— Jets Videos (@snyjets) August 3, 2019

Javon Wims, WR, Chicago Bears

Last season, the Bears drafted Wims in the seventh round. With a roster already filled with playmakers like Allen Robinson, Anthony Miller, and Taylor Gabriel, the chances of him making the roster seemed slim. Then he impressed during the 2018 preseason and stuck around.

Wims didn’t play a whole lot during the regular season, but he made an impact in the Bears’ Week 17 win against the Vikings. He had four catches in the game, including two on third down on a fourth-quarter touchdown drive.

Just like last year, the competition is stiff. Cordarrelle Patterson and Riley Ridley join an already deep group. But Wims is still hanging around in terms of a roster spot, and another productive preseason could help him crack the rotation.