#geek knitting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fulloflambing · 8 months ago

Text

࣪ . ִֶָ๋ KINICH: ❝ HEAVEN CAN WAIT. ❞

pairing: kinich x afab!reader (uses she/her) synopsis: during the invasion of the abyss, the bond between you and kinich is put to the test when you're both lost in the chaos searching for eachother, as he fulfills his sacred duty as one of the heroes of Natlan. warnings: spoilers of the 5.1 archon quests! lots of bodily injury + descriptions of gore, the war ingame is described in a darker way here, cursing, many mentions of death. wordcount: 5.4k cho’s notes: PLS SRSLY LISTEN TO THE INJURY WARNING!! i might be a little dramatic but theres an injury here that made me geek when i was writing it idk. this is basically 5.4k words of me pretending to understand the mechanics of the ode of resurrection 😭 i was inspired to write this after playing the 5.1 aq! hope u guys enjoy this, happy reads <3

taglist: @sillywinnertidalwave

Today marked the exact moment the people of Natlan realized that the abyss weren’t just these noisy hilichurls you see camping in the meadows or the occasional mages you’d encounter in the caves; The Abyss was a ruthless cult of monsters with their uniform goal of bringing humanity to its demise.

‘It was never supposed to get this bad.’ was the only thought racing through Kinich's mind as he swung from cliffs to trees as fast as he could, the muscles in his arms feeling like they could rip apart if he swung one more time, his head slightly burning with exhaustion and heart racing with overwhelming pressure.

People were getting massacred on the ground underneath him, as numerous warriors and guards pushed themselves beyond their limit to fend off the neverending wave of rifthounds and hilichurls coming from the illuminating pylons—and he couldn’t do anything about it. Not when everyone and everything needed his aid, all at once.

But Kinich had someone to come home to, and it was you.

The last moment of peace the both of you had together was just earlier today; Sipping coffee and eating fruit together, discussing light subjects to try and distract each other from the rising attacks of the abyss, totally oblivious to the fact that Natlan would be dragged into war by them hours later.

He felt like it was just a minute ago when you sat in front of him, and glowed under the sunlight, slicing apples intricately as your lips spilled words. ‘How could this happen?’ he thought.

The image of you smiling, your face full of faith pulsed in his mind, making his stomach twist when his eyes landed on the village of the Scions of the Canopy; it was on the brink of ruin.

Caravans and carts were being ripped open with the goods spilling onto the ground only to be squashed, children getting dragged by desperate parents, greedy businessmen clawing at their money hoping it would save them, and the scattered limp bodies of innocent natlanese. The sky loomed over everyone’s heads in an eerie color, only amplifying the hopelessness he rarely felt in his chest. The scent of blood and burning ash filled his nostrils the second he violently landed onto the oversized canopy, mildly hurting his ankles in the process.

“Y/n? Y/n!” He called out among the frenzy, his eyes darting to every face he could spot. He got on his heel and started running— desperate that you wouldn’t appear as one of the bodies that were left to rot on the ground.

He raced to your house, and tried to push the door open with no luck. He had no time to care for it, and just slashed through it with his bulky claymore and bursted into the room, his eyebrows knitted together, pupils dilated, cold sweat on his nape. His eyes don’t spot you in your usual leisure spot of your common room, making his heart drop. He checked all other rooms, and finally opened your bedroom:

You weren’t there.

You weren’t anywhere.

His heart hurt with every beat, and he desperately clawed at his chest trying to get back his calm composure he was always known for. But what for?

“Just give it up, that peasant probably turned into abyss food long before you even got here. Stop wasting your time, my time!” Ajaw suddenly hissed out, his words filling kinich’s mind with poison.

Imaginations of your body growing limp and cold, face turning blue, and blood oozing out from some part of your body as rifthounds dug through your flesh flashed through his head. And he tried to stop it. But with the spinning of his head and the lifelessness of your house that was once so full with your laughter, it just kept getting worse.

He stood with a lowered head, his hand gripping his claymore so tight his knuckles turned white. He fought back tears as his mind danced like a kaleidoscope. To him, there would be no use in saving Natlan, if you weren’t in the picture.

He was supposed to not let his will in defeating the abyss sway at all, you wouldn’t want that. No one would want that. He doesn’t either. But now faced with the odds that you might not be able to experience a Natlan that is finally free from centuries of prejudice, after you’ve been by his side telling him to have faith that the day will come, and the dreams you want to accomplish when everything is finally okay— It seemed unfair. SO unfair.

He whispers to himself, or rather to anything who was willing to listen, with a shaky voice: “If only one wish of mine can be granted for my whole lifetime, please.. Keep her safe. That’s all I ask.”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

The clashing of weapons against the shelled skin of the abyss monsters zipped through the air, as you swiftly dodged the claws of a relentless rifthound; you’ve been doing this for hours now.

You were helping your tribe, the Scions of the Canopy, strengthen its defenses before the outbreak until you were called by a messenger to help strengthen defenses of an adventurer’s base southeast of the village as it was being easily overwhelmed by the enemies. As the head of preparing defenses from the village, you happily obliged.

But now you were almost hours into battle, with your body aching in all different spots, as you tried your best to continue evading the insistent attacks of numerous monsters. You couldn’t find the energy to swing your sword with maximum strength anymore, so all you could muster up was to dodge them.

“Fuck! Will you ever quit!?” you yell, before pushing yourself beyond your limits again, attacking with frustration. You slashed through the tough skin of the rifthound with your dendro-infused blade, making it dissipate into purple smoke with a screeching growl before fading into the air.

You had a second for a breather and took a deep breath, which you regretted immediately. “ugh!” you cried, falling to your knees, grabbing your side. You recall the moment you heard something snap when a hilichurl swung its wooden baton at your side when you were busy confronting a different monster. You broke your rib, and it was now piercing your lung.

You stared into the dirt, forehead collecting sweat. You took your hand off of your side, seeing blood paint your palm a deep scarlet. You touched your forehead, and brought your hand back to your eyes— You were bleeding. everywhere.

Your eyes sting with tears, the reality of the situation slowly setting into your head— The chances of you leaving this battlefield alive was slim. Your teeth press against your bottom lip tightly, the pain being incomparable to the injuries you’ve sustained.

‘I’m sorry kinich.’ echoed in your mind. Kinich had been training you recently, for you to be ready in case of an invasion and he wasn’t there to protect you. But here you are, head-first onto the ground, realizing you’ll probably die in the next few minutes.

‘I’m sorry kinich.. I’m not built for this.’ you whimpered, tears slowly trickling down your face. You felt so heavy with hopelessness, you felt like you could start sinking into the solid dirt beneath your body.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. You were only supposed to continue helping people fend off the abyss for a few more days, until the Pyro Archon solved the crisis. And after she did, you would’ve explored places outside of Natlan with Kinich. Sumeru was the first region you both agreed to visit; It was always a dream that you shared together to travel all of Teyvat one day. Hell, you even had a hunch he’d propose to you somewhere down the line of your voyage.

So why are you kneeling on the floor, bleeding from every possible corner of your body, accepting your demise as your comrades slowly thin in number?

‘How long do I have to keep this up? I feel like if I swing my sword one more time, my arms will come flying off. I can’t do it anymore. This is something only strong people can do. Strong people like kinich. I can’t. I just can’t. I ca-’

Woosh!, Your ears picked up the sound and you jumped to your feet, barely escaping the blade of an enormous mitachurl that almost claimed your head.

You tumbled lightly onto the ground, before you hold your sword up again with both your hands, your limbs trembling hopelessly in the gaze of the towering monster over you with demonic horns. You almost drop your blade and just let it kill you right then and there.

But kinich appeared in your thoughts.

The mitachurl was standing the way the dummy kinich built for you was. Kinich’s voice instructing you rippled in your thoughts: “swing your sword down to the left, diagonal to the body. Then, slice up to the right, also diagonally. For the final blow, strike straight down the crown of its head, taking force from your shoulders. ”

You listen to kinich on repeat a few times, drawing imaginary lines on the body of the scowling mitachurl that stomped closer to you. You gulped the lump in your throat, before you did exactly what kinich taught you.

You twist your body with your edge in the air, taking a (painful) deep breath before swinging your blade to the left in a declining path. The mitachurl stumbles back at your sudden strike making an mmgh! sound, breaking down some of its armor. You quickly slice back up in the opposite direction before it could react any further. Your shoulder burned with every twist, but you had to keep going.

As it stumbled one more time, You bring your weapon above your head, and ignite it with dendro, causing a deep green aura to emit from your person. You meet eyes with the monster; It looked horrified. You stood there ready to take its life, appearing like a monster yourself with the blood that dripped down your head, your eyes seething with revenge.

You spare no more time before completely slicing straight down its head with maximum precision. A loud growl slowly faded with the noise, just as its body did, turning into a dark smoke.

“If my life is going to end with this battle, then please grant my final wish—” You whispered, looking at your blood-stained hands, hoping the heavenly principles could hear your wish among the deafening sound of war:

“—Please.. Keep kinich safe for me.”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

The people seeking refuge in a temporary hideout turn their heads at the noise of their beloved heroes walking into the space. ‘Baraka’ Xilonen, ‘Umoja’ Mualani, ‘Uwezo’ Iansan, ‘Bidii’ Ororon, and ‘Vuka’ Chasca. There was only one more hero missing.. ‘Malipo’ Kinich.

Kinich had just rounded up civilians he saved from the village, and brought them there for safety. His gaze met with his friends, before he carefully placed a baby he was protecting into the arms of its mother— The baby had your eyes, which gravitated him into holding it just a little longer. He walked over to them with heavy steps, still trying to keep his composure despite the pain weaving his insides; just like them.

“It’s the final phase of mavuika’s plan. We have to get back to the stadium, and help her with the Ode of Resurrection.” Xilonen says. “Can you do it?”

It’s not like he had any other choice so he just nodded, not being able to muster up the strength to talk.

“Kinich.. Did something happen?” Mualani asked, taking notice of his silence as she placed her hand on his shoulder in support. It was clear she was just as broken down as he was, covered in bruises and scratches. But she continued to stay strong and pulled an empathetic look for him, trying to get his lowered eyes to meet hers.

“I.. couldn’t find y/n.” Kinich barely mumbled, the dread he felt earlier coming back to him, feeling like it only got worse verbalizing it. His eyes stuck to the ground, refusing to peel away.

The five heroes suddenly feel the air grow thick, a gasp leaving Iansan and Mualani's lips. This reaction only made the feeling worse, his fingertips digging into his palm. ‘Why does it have to turn out like this? I don’t fucking get it. It’s unfair. Not fair. Not fair to me, to her.’

The five struggled to find words to say, but ajaw quickly filled the space, spitting out: “Fear not lowly humans! For when Kinich finally slips in this final fight and accidentally ends up kicking the bucket, I, the almighty dragonlord, k’uhul ajaw! Will reign over this world once more! And the abyss will no longer be the biggest threat Natlan has faced!” The 8-bit monster laughed proudly with its jagged voice.

Kinich suddenly snapped at the puny dragon: “Zip it ajaw. Let’s go.” before stepping out of the hideout. The heroes gave each other glances, before silently following after him. They weren’t scared of kinich releasing ajaw, they knew kinich would never do that to them. But it was him they were worried about.

Kinich never handled loss well. It often resulted in.. Accidents. Towards himself.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

You continued to fight your way to survival, the dendro vision hanging by your hip flashing every few seconds. You shifted your focus to destroy nearby pylons. Your hands had bruised, and slowly became callused and firm. The amount of blood loss you’ve endured has slowly started affecting you too, as your actions started getting sloppier, following your sight getting hazy from time to time.

‘Ching!’ You sliced through the last mitachurl around— atleast, last one before another one spawns—and fell to your battered knees. You sat there, gasping, your body begging for air.

“Y/n!” a fellow comrade called out, rushing to your side. You can hear him mumbling something to you, but it’s incoherent. You looked at your dirty, bloodied hands, ‘what an ugly sight.’

“Just.. keep pushing on y/n.” his words sound muffled to you and almost accompanied with sand; he’s losing hope too.

Without warning, a bright beam of light suddenly shot up into the air, emerging from somewhere in the distance.

‘Huh?’ You look up.

The ray of light exploded into a star, making you wince at the glare. The explosion was so grand, you felt the earth tremble all around you, and even felt a slight radiance of heat reach your skin, even when it was suspended so close to the stars.

The warriors and monsters’ brawl comes to a pause, all beings turning their heads to the magic unfolding above their heads.

You look back up once more. It’s the Pyro Archon.

“In the name of the Pyro Archon, Haborym,” the transcendent voice sends chills down your spine.

“I declare the Night Warden Wars underway—”

“—The Ode of Resurrection will guard all life, until the war is over!”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Kinich might’ve lost his mind.

With the Ode of Resurrection, there was nothing in his way to contain the blood rushing through his veins anymore, the flame pumping his drive. There was no limit to the blood he could pour, no limit to the bones he could snap, no limit to the wounds he could take; There was no more life that kept him from death, and no death to threaten him to life.

He shot himself through the trees and cliffs and plunged into the ground, slashing right into an abyssal pylon, immediately shattering it into pieces. The abyss that caught sight of his unhinged eyes, became the last thing they saw. He swung his blade relentlessly, calculated with maximum precision embedded into every strike. Every blow he landed would end a life point-blank, not wasting a single movement. No monster could keep up with the speed of his assault, their death delivered to them in a blur.

A hilichurl had taken an open opportunity to stab him right through the heart from behind. He felt the flame inside him flicker for a second.

‘Again.’

He ripped the double sided polearm right out of his chest, before skewering the same hilichurl right through its chest with the same weapon. A cryo mage quickly sent icicles to penetrate through his limbs and vital organs. He felt the coldness pierce into his insides, feeling the flame inside him flicker for a second time.

‘Again.’

He swiftly turned around, and spun his claymore right into the mage, beheading it in the process. The mage had evaporated to its death, as his claymore spun right back into his palm, snug as a glove. A hilichurl decided to charge into his tall figure and stab him with a dagger, puncturing his abdomen. His flame flickered for the third time.

‘Again.’

He sliced down on the hilichurl, making it dissipate into the air with a groan. He pulled out the dagger from his body and carelessly threw it onto the ground. Noticing the area was clear, he flung himself back into the air, swinging himself through the thick trees and long branches. They would momentarily graze his skin, cutting and wounding him but it was nothing to him, not anymore.

His void eyes scanned through the rocky terrain underneath his feet, searching for your figure. ‘You have to be here. Somewhere. Anywhere.’ His thoughts of you distracted him from an incoming tree, before flying straight into its tree branch, his body getting skewered in the process. He let out a loud cry of agony— “aaghh!”—, hearing static ringing in his ears. His bewildered eyes landed at exactly where he got impaled before feeling his head go fuzzy, his eyes slowly losing light, and his body going limp. He feels his flame flickering once more.

‘Again.’

Life is shot right back into him as he braced himself again, taking a deep breath, and pulling himself off of the tree branch. His injury immediately punished him, making him wince. He took one last look at the tree branch covered in his gore before swinging himself again. He looked at the gaping hole in his abdominal cavity slowly patch and fill itself again, and for a moment he’s completely mesmerized by the power of the ode of resurrection.

In his mind, he punished himself for not being by your side, for not protecting you. And his mode of punishment would be feeling your misery over and over again. The sensation of burning pain ending up to his death just to wake up again completely alive again all in a split second was intoxicating. He was preserving life, as he toyed with his own.

In his mind, he would rather die a million deaths than find out he’d be alive without you around.

“Listen to me bastard! I’m starting to appreciate this new thing you got going on, you know, like actually following your master, me, Almighty dragonlord, K’uhul Ajaw! and using your vision for something exhilarating like ending lives. But I HATE! how i’m getting excited to take your body everytime you go floppy, but you just wake back up! It’s so ANNOYING!! So just keep it up until the fire-head woman turns the ode of what-ever-you-call-it off, and you stay dead. Alright!?”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Mavuika looked longingly onto her people fighting for their nation underneath her feet, as she levitated in the dark sky. It was a surreal simulation to her; It was her that was the catalyst for their dreams and hopes. It left a deep impression of justice, duty and pressure on her.

Mavuika took a deep breath, before feeling a surging power slither all throughout her body.

‘This has to end, now.’

She collected all the dreams her people have relayed to her, the hopes for a future guided with justice and equality, their ancestors and their prayers for Natlan, the lives of her beloved followers who had been sacrificed and martyred, into her fist and made it into her strength.

Her hair ignited into its flamed form, as she shot out all the might and glory of Natlan into a beam of radiance, targeting the abyssal body that was the sole cause of terror over her nation.

The Celestial body forms a temporary glowing shield to stand its ground, until it doesn’t.

It slowly starts shattering like thin glass, making her attack on it only more powerful. Her thrash breaks through until it exploded into a dark fume, her light piercing right through it and into the distant sky. The sky carries the sound of the thundering explosion, shaking nature all around.

The black cloud slowly starts fading, revealing the eradication of the Abyss.

The black sky lifts off of Natlan, revealing the blue once more. You choked out the blood that’s been pouring in your mouth for the longest time as you finally finish off the last creature in sight. The Abyss had been eliminated by the Pyro Archon, and no more would spawn. Dulled and scratched swords, torn bows, and unfortunate martyrs polluted the grassy field around. The noise of battle could still be heard somewhere distant but not around you anymore.

You spat and coughed out blood onto your palm, your other hand clawing and digging into your chest trying to calm your rampaging heartbeat. You heard your remaining comrades cry and yell out of grief and solace. The words they yelled were incoherent, only being able to hear ringing.

But you could almost make out what they're saying, somewhere along the lines of: ‘It’s over.’

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Kinich’s eyelids slowly peel open, feeling the heat of the sun greet his eyes immediately making him wince. He sits up and tries to gain back his senses, letting out a sore groan.

Ajaw perches up at the sound, and starts roaring in his ear: “You were supposed to be dead! I was so thrilled to finally take over your cold body, finally thinking of the horrors I'd run to this land, just to find our contract not working! Just bite the dust already you useless asparagus! Curse the archons!”

“Wh-what happened?” Kinich croaked, his throat stinging him in the process. Completely ignoring ajaw’s tantrum, he looks at the nature around him; There were dismantled weapons, a few dead bodies scattered meters apart, and an awful lot of silence.

“The fire-head woman destroyed the abyss in the sky, and the magical thing happening to your body that stopped you from dying stopped, and you just crashed into the mountain side and passed out onto the ground. Your head should’ve caved in! Fucking imbecile!”

Kinich stares at the state of his body; It was a disaster. His jacket was torn with all sorts of holes, his arms full of scars and dried blood and smeared dirt, his gloved hands having numerous rips and tears. All of his digits were present, but a huge scar trailed over the joints of his thumb. ‘So I lost a finger huh?’ he guessed to himself. He looks at his headband dangling around his neck, and feels his face with his hand. He felt a few scars and winces at a cut he had, realizing he had a gaping wound that was actively bleeding out.

Body intact, clothes and weapon secured, with his heart beating in his chest cavity.

But something was still missing. Something was out of place.

He feels his heart drop to the ground, mumbling: “Y/n.”

He hurriedly turns around and tries to run on his feet, a sharp pain kicking into his legs making him fall back onto the soil. He curls into a ball, suddenly feeling all his muscles tormenting his body at once. He groans in pain, feeling parts of his body ache and burn under his skin.

“Yes! Perish!” Ajaw shrieks, making kinich swat at him. He takes a cramped breath— almost like the capacity of his lungs had shrunk— before digging his hands into the sharp blades of grass, dragging his body through the earth.

Each pull of his body made him wish he wasn’t human, pain electrocuting each living cell in his body. Grunts slipped through his teeth, as he tried not to notice the torture he had been enduring for what has felt like forever. He despised the pain he could feel as he crawled not because it hurt him, but because it was proof he was alive and could use his senses. That would remind him that you might not be, only making the weight of his chest heavier.

Red from his wound dripped down his head and slipped onto his lip, making him spit it out bitterly.

The silvery of blood was inferior to the bitterness in his mouth if he felt your body without its heart beating against his own. Ajaw slowly follows him in the air a meter away, and is almost horrified. Ajaw that day, saw humanity in its most desperate state.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

“Let me go!” You yelled, trying to break free from the arms of the other scions of the canopy. They had tried convincing you to go to the village and get your injuries treated, but they mentioned kinich was missing. You heard glass shattering in your ears, almost reality to your eyes breaking just the same. You escaped their captive and tried to find kinich, but they had caught up to you easily.

“You don’t understand! You might die out of blood loss before you even find him!” Said one of the nurses, gripping your wrist tightly. “I have to try!” You snapped, shoving and kicking at the men trying to get a holding of your legs.

“And what if kinich is dead y/n!?” A man retorted, making you freeze in your spot. Words got stuck in your throat, as your eyes blurred for a second. “Kinich would never.. be..” you feel your tongue stiffen, your knees slowly sinking back onto the grass. The men among the helpers quietly argue behind you, scolding each other with ‘don’t say that!’ as your thoughts slowly dim your spirit.

‘Kinich? Dead?’ the thought of kinich dying seemed so far and impossible to you. It was always kinich who seemed to prevent harm from going your way, and knew how to deal with injuries or how to get out of risky situations. But not even the strongest warriors of Natan's ancient tales survived against the toughest attacks of the abyss. You feel like vomiting, the imagination of kinich mangled body suddenly tormenting your thoughts. ‘I still have to try’, you interrupted yourself, reminiscing the oath you took between the both of you to never abandon his side, dead or alive.

You quickly try to pounce off of them, but they're quicker into getting ahold of you again. You try your hardest to tear through their grasp, feeling your skin ache as they tighten their hand around you.

“Please! Just let me try!” you cry out, almost freeing yourself. They object in volumes, a series of ‘No!’s and ‘You need to rest!’ leaving their mouths. You almost feel helpless, but the group of five freeze all together, out of nowhere.

Their eyes are wide, dilated. Their mouths agape, skin draining of color.

You turn your eyes the same direction as theirs, and a sudden chill waves all throughout your body.

It’s kinich.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Kinich locks eyes with you, his breath hitching. Almost terrified you’ll disappear in front of his eyes, he doesn’t waste another second and sprints towards you on his feet, ignoring the sharp pain afflicted to his ligaments. The tribespeople quickly free you from their clutches, stepping back as your aching bodies collided into an embrace.

Everyone else disappears from his world as he takes you into his dirtied arms. His body melt into yours, leaving no space for the opportunity of separation between both of you ever again. He feels you trembling underneath his touch making him hold you tighter. “I’m home.” He whispers into your ear, feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders, like bulky armor sliding off of his battered frame— He had died a hundred times to tell you those words.

He can hear you; you're crying into his shoulder, salty tears reviving the scent of the dried blood on his clothes. All he can do is hold you, and take refuge back into your arms after leaving them for what seemed like an eternity. His heart is communicating with yours, beating back and forth at each other. “I was looking for you.” You mumbled against his skin, lips quivering. Your voice is hesitant, as you pull away and look into his tired dark-golden eyes.

“You never lost me in the first place.” He whispers, planting a delicate kiss to your cheek, placing your nimble hand on the left side of his chest to feel evidence of his return. His arms felt lighter, his bones seemed to unbreak, and his wounds were no longer burning. His eyes slowly stickled with tears, burying his face into your hair to let out his shy tears before you had the chance to notice.

His body grew vulnerable under your touch as your tears slowly undid the knot of grief residing in his chest. He almost feels himself shrink back to when he was a lonely child as your mere presence invited the fragile parts of him to be loved again.

His soul yearns for moment like this, where your love is presented raw; It was never about just the beauty. He thawed under your touch even when his clothes and body was drab and scarred. It was never about just the mora, his wallet was no longer weighing in his pocket and he knew that he didn't have to worry about it. It was never about just the distance, it didn't matter if he had to crawl from mondstadt, he still would've tried to come home even if he knew he would die along the way. and it was never about the festivity. he didn't need a festival to celebrate in a way of holding you like he is now. It was always about the bond between both of you and how much joy his heart is beating out just because he can count the beats of yours.

To him, his soul is bound with yours. No matter how far his heroship takes him, he’ll always return to you. For him, that was enough of a reason to come crawling home.

Kinich escaped heaven a hundred times to come home to you. For you, he would’ve gladly left a hundred times more.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

You relish his embrace with tears sticking your lashes together when your mind slowly floats you away to a distant memory, one you feel like you should have forgotten by now.

It was so long ago.. 7 years ago or so?

It happened somewhere.. Here?

With someone.. Kinich.

You were younger teenagers with kinich that time. You had tripped down a short rocky fall while traversing grassy terrain with kinich. A wince squeaks through your gritted teeth, as he poured water onto the gash you scored on your stumbling. “I’ve always told you to stay sharp when we go out on a walk, but you never listen.” He grumbles, wiping off the dirt that trailed down your calf. “..And everytime you trip, it’s always me who has to clean you up, bandage you, and carry you home.” He treated your wound as you sat on a rock, awkwardly playing with your fingertips.

You can tell he was just worried about you, you always managed to injure yourself when he took his eyes off of you. He was already pressured on finding a way home, but you just had to go get your knee busted. “Sorry.” you mumble, heat rising to your skin out of embarrassment. “If you really were sorry, you would actually look before you land your feet.” he said bitterly, undoing his bandana, and wrapping it around your knee tightly. As he tightened the knot, he said: “You know I won't always be around to protect you right?”

“Yeah..” you shuffle your feet around. “But I-i swear I looked before I stepped okay! But the dip was.. was hiding under all the grass.” You attempt to defend yourself, looking at him with guilt written all over your face.

“Can you just promise me you’ll make heaven wait when I'm not around?” He sighs, before helping you get back on your feet, his arm snaking around your waist, as he scooped your shoulder over his shoulder. “Only if you promise too!” you scoff. He rolls his eyes, “As if I'll ever die before you. Seriously, one day I might just be running a commission and bump into you just bleeding to death from your knee.” you grimace under the thought. “Don’t say such horrible things!”

“Then promise me.” “..I promise.”

#▸ ✧ ˚ services #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfic #genshin impact kinich #kinich x reader #kinich malipo #kinich x you #kinich fanfic #kinich imagines #genshin oneshots #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you

727 notes · View notes

tinyshyteacup · 2 months ago

Text

Taglist: @jozzieblood @buckysteveloki-me @dragonoftheshadows @plaidconvers @kateawolf13 @keira-kaz2y5 @frog-fans-unite @doilooklikeagiveafrack @verynormalsstuff @nynxtea @iminyourceiling @seventeen-x @mgchaser @y0urgirl @lovely-seb @laughterafter @mysuperlaserpissnumber1fan @irasciblemogwai @svtbpbts @vivalas-vega @chonkybonky @bmyva1entine @6urmom @homiesexual-or-homosexual @aoi-targaryen @bitter-semi-sweet @soflegacy @kath-666 @hiireadstuff @highhopes1008 @sineminuse @hawkinsavclub1983 @buckingforbuckybarnes @fandomsearcherforcuntymen @huang-the-geek @joewhs @witchywannabe3263 @iyskgd @ironenemycollective @bumblebeebutter @sizzlingstarlightsky @buckybarnesslutshop @starstruck-cowgirl @angelicdarkn3ss @confused-simp-jpg @hufflepuffsforjoy @nicolebarnes @avatarobsessedgirly @escapismurmom @paige0103 @read-just-cant-stop @iwritememesnotprophecies @imissbenswolo-blog @Icolumbia1988

----------------------------------------------------------

Tw: cussing, fluff, snuggles

Part 11

Words of Command - Part 12

Your suite in Stark Tower feels more like a sanctuary than any place Bucky’s ever been—not that he knows why. Maybe it’s the scent that always lingers faintly on the couch cushions—your shampoo. Or the way you hum when you brush your hair in the evening, not even realizing you’re doing it. Or maybe it’s just because he’s not in a cage. Not anymore.

The TV glows softly, voices murmuring from a cooking show you didn’t really mean to choose.

Just background noise to fill the silence while you sit curled on one end of the couch in a loose T-shirt and pajama pants, your knees tucked under you like a child listening to rain.

Bucky—stands near the window, half in shadow. The metal arm catches faint light when he shifts his weight. His shoulders are tense, jaw tight, eyes narrowed slightly as if watching the reflection of the flickering screen on the glass rather than the city outside.

And then he says it.

"Doll… what was that?”

You glance up. “What was what?”

He turns slowly.

Controlled.

Measured.

But there’s something unsure in his posture now. Less soldier. More... man. He steps toward the couch, not sitting yet. Just looming, hesitating like a man outside a door he’s not sure he’s allowed to open.

"In the kitchen. When I… I reached for you.”

His hand flexes—flesh fingers curling in mid-air like they remember the shape of your cheek but not how they knew to go there.

“I don’t understand what that was. But it felt like—like something. Not in my head. Here.”

He presses the heel of his palm over his chest, then looks at you with a rawness that’s almost painful to witness.

There’s no mask. Just confusion, vulnerability, and a desperate hunger to understand what’s happening to him.

You put the remote down and shift, making space on the couch. “Come sit with me?”

He hesitates—but obeys.

Slowly.

Carefully.

Like he’s afraid he’ll break the cushion just by sitting on it.

You turn toward him slightly, your voice still soft. “When you say it felt like something short-circuited… do you mean it hurt?”

He shakes his head. “No. Not pain. Just... heat. Like... like a pull. But I...I just... wanted to.”

He frowns. “Wanting is confusing.”

You can’t help the soft smile. “Yea, it can be.”

His brows knit. “What does it mean if I wanted to touch your face?”

Your breath hitches, just a little. “Well… it can mean a few things. But sometimes, when we care about someone… we want to be close. To feel close to them. To connect.”

He’s silent. The TV babbles in the background about deglazing a pan.

You continue gently, “Do you think… that's what it is, Soldat ?”

“I don’t know you,” he says quickly—but not coldly. “But I look at you, and I feel like I know you. Like I should know you. Like there’s something warm in my blood when you talk to me. You say my name and it’s like… like gravity. And when I see you smile, I feel like I could die and it’d be okay.”

You blink, stunned at the poetry he doesn’t even know he’s speaking.

Then his voice drops, gravel low.

“Thats not from them."

His eyes lock onto yours. Blue steel, but soft around the edges now.

“You didn’t order it. So why do I want it so bad?”

You reach out slowly, palm up.

“Because it’s yours,” you say. “The wanting. The feeling. It’s not programming. It’s you.”

He stares at your hand for a moment. Then, carefully, he places his flesh hand in yours.

His thumb brushes across your knuckles, slowly. Not sure if he’s allowed to do more.

“Doll…” he says, voice barely a whisper. “If I… if I ever remember more of who I was… will I still want this?”

You squeeze his hand gently.

“You're still you ... we're just… finding your pieces.”

The TV’s background noise fades in your awareness as you both sit there, connected not by command, but by choice. Bucky is quiet for a long time.

“I don’t want to break this... to hurt you”

“You won’t,” you whisper.

His fingers shift, moving up to brush a stray lock of hair from your cheek—just like that almost-moment in the kitchen, but this time, he finishes it. His knuckles graze your skin.

You rest your head lightly on his shoulder. And for the first time, he lets his body relax beneath yours.

Your bedroom is quiet when you slip inside, soft lamplight catching the gentle curve of the comforter as you pull it back.

The hum of the city is muffled by Stark Tower’s reinforced glass, but you can still see the lights winking from below, like a galaxy turned upside down.

You don’t expect to hear the soft click of the door behind you. Bucky had been staying mostly in his own room, only coming to your room on nights with nightmares.

You turn, hand still on the edge of the blanket.

Bucky stands there, one shoulder pressed to the doorframe. His flesh hand at his side, his metal one clenched just slightly, as if uncertain what to do with the need building inside him.

“Doll…”

His voice is low, soft, with that half-rasp that always curls around your name like it’s some kind of prayer.

“I… don’t know if I’m supposed to be here.”

You blink, gentle, cautious. “You can be, if you want to be.”

He steps in, closing the door behind him. Not with purpose—just quiet intention.

“I keep thinking about what you said. About wanting… not being the same as orders. And I keep... wanting.”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. You see it in the way he sways slightly, like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to move forward.

“I’m going to sleep now,” you say softly, your tone even and kind. “You can stay, if you want to. But you don’t have to.”

His jaw tenses. “It’s not that I think I have to. I just… I don’t want to be alone. But I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Or makes you feel like—like I’m still not making choices.”

There’s a pause.

"Can I stay with you?” he asks. The question feels fragile.

You nod gently, lifting the comforter a little.

Bucky approaches slowly, like he’s stepping onto ice. He sheds the jacket first, revealing the long-sleeved shirt underneath that stretches across broad shoulders. He’s quiet about it—careful.

As if loud sounds might wake a ghost. His movements are precise, cautious, almost like a soldier diffusing a bomb. His metal arm remains close to his side.

He lies beside you on his back, not touching you. Not even close. His body is tight with restraint.

You watch the hard swallow in his throat. His eyes are on the ceiling. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

Your laugh is a breathy, tiny thing. “That’s okay. You don't have to do anything.”

A beat.

Then—slowly, achingly slowly—his arm shifts. His flesh hand brushes along the sheet until his pinky finds yours. The lightest touch. Barely there. As if even that could be too much.

"This alright?”

You nod. “Yes.”

And he sighs. Like he’s been holding that breath since 1945.

Minutes pass. You turn on your side, facing away—but your pinky remains linked with his.

No demands.

Just comfort.

Bucky moves behind you—hesitant, still—but closer. Just enough to let his body radiate heat against yours, not touching yet.

Then his arm—the metal one—shifts.

Halting.

Deliberate.

“I know it’s cold. I’ll keep it to myself if it’s too much.”

You reach back with gentle fingers, wrapping them around his wrist.

“No. It’s ok Soldat.”

And that’s it.

That’s all it takes.

He curls behind you, spooning carefully, like he’s scared he might crush you. His metal arm wraps across your waist, held stiff at first—then loosens when he realizes you haven’t pulled away.

His breath tickles the back of your neck. His chest rises and falls in time with yours.

"You smell like warm milk and vanilla,” he murmurs.

You smile into the pillow. “That’s oddly specific.”

"I remember it,” he says, voice soft as dusk. “It's the only memory im sure is mine”

It’s dark in the suite now, the only light coming from the faint cityglow bleeding in through the curtains.

The world outside continues on, fast and loud—but inside, everything is soft. The sheets, the breath, the quiet hum of JARVIS and his circuits that lulls the room into safety.

You’re still curled up together, your body small against his—barely taking up space, yet somehow filling the room with warmth. Bucky’s metal arm rests across your waist, cool at first, but no longer stiff.

His fingers are splayed gently where your ribs rise and fall, not gripping, just… there.

His breath continuea to stir the fine baby hairs at the nape of your neck, chest rising slow behind you.

The kind of stillness that only comes from trust—not programming.

Then, softly, like he’s scared the words might break the moment “Used to be girls like you in Brooklyn…”

You shift, just a little—only enough to turn your head toward him. “Girls like me?”

“Soft,” he murmurs, voice half-lost in the pillow. “Gentle. They wore red lipstick and smelled like sugar cookies. Would laugh behind their hands and pretend not to look at the uniforms.”

A pause.

Then, quieter “None of them ever looked at me like you do.”

You don’t speak. Not yet.

“I remember… fragments. A dance hall. Music. Steve grinning like an idiot ‘cause he finally asked someone to swing. I was teasing him. Telling him he’d step on her feet. Then…”

His fingers flex slightly, tremble, then still.

"Then it’s cold. Metal. Lights in my eyes. Screaming. And then… you.”

He shifts behind you slightly��tentative. The arm across your waist begins to lift. Retreating.

“I shouldn’t hold you like this,” he says, barely audible. “Not with this thing. What if I squeeze too hard? What if I forget where I am again?”

You reach down and place your arm over his metal forearm.

Bucky's breath hitches, not with excitement, but with fear.

“I’m not scared of it ... the arm” you whisper.

“You should be.”

He says it like a sinner.

But your voice stays steady. “Does it... do you… feel? With this arm?”

There’s a pause. Then, hesitant.

“Sort of. Not like flesh, not pain or heat. But… pressure. Vibration. Cold. Like I’m wearing armor I can never take off.”

Your hand reaches down, brushing your fingers lightly over the edge of the metal plates, where his titanium wrist sits at your waist, one fingertip traveling the grove between the plates.

You trace along the lines—over the overlapping segments, over seams that flex as he breathes. Your touch is featherlight. Reverent.

“Y'know I don't see a weapon, when I look at it” you say softly.

His eyes search your face, like he’s waiting for mockery. But all he finds is warmth.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” You lift your gaze to meet his. “They gave it to you as a weapon. But it’s yours now, Soldat. You get to decide what it’s for now.”

His throat bobs as he swallows.

“You’re not scared.”

“Not even a little bit”

“Even if I forget again?”

You take his metal hand in both of yours, bringing it gently to rest against your chest, right over your heartbeat.

“Then I’ll remind you.”

His forehead presses to your shoulderblade, eyes closed. No movement—just contact.

He breathes you in, slow and ragged.

“Doll…”

It’s more than a name now.

It’s a plea.

A hope.

A tether.

The quiet hasn’t changed. The room steeped in a hush so complete that even the city outside feels like it’s holding its breath. The kind of silence where words would feel too sharp—unless spoken with care.

You've shifted in your quite half sleep.

Bucky lies on his side, facing you. His titanium arm rests behind your back, not holding but there, like a safety rail you didn’t know you needed. His flesh hand is caught gently between your two smaller ones, warm and still.

Your heads share the same pillow, foreheads close but not quite touching.

You feel his eyes before you see them—fixed on you, heavy with thoughts he doesn’t yet have language for. His brow is creased slightly, as if trying to solve a puzzle written on your skin.

"Doll…” he murmurs, voice gravel and breath.

You hum softly in response, not wanting to break the spell.

Your thumb moves in slow circles across the back of his knuckles.

Soothing.

Patient.

"Can I… tell you something?”

His voice is low, tentative. Like it’s the first time he’s ever asked permission for anything.

You nod, lips barely moving. “Of course you can, Soldat.”

He doesn’t move for a long time. Doesn’t speak. Just breathes. As if your voice was enough to quiet the static in his head.

But then…

"I don’t… know what this feeling is,” he admits, broken-soft. “It’s not an order. Not a mission.”

Your fingertips rest over his chest now, feeling the faint thump beneath his skin. Your head is tucked into the hollow beneath his collarbone. “What feeling?”

“When I look at you.”

He shifts slightly, uncertain. “My chest feels tight. My thoughts get louder, but only the one's about dames. I remember things ... like hands and laughing.”

You feel the tremor in his voice like a ripple beneath you.

"I want to be near you. Protect you. Make sure your safe.”

A pause. Then, almost broken “But I don’t know what that means. I’m scared… if I forget who I am again…you'll be gone too”

Your hand rises, cupping his cheek—gently turning his face toward yours.

“You’re learning, no ones coming to take from you.”

His eyes are wet. Not tears—not yet. But close.

He presses his forehead to yours again, one hand slowly sliding up your spine—not to hold, but to ground.

His touch is still careful, his grip featherlight.

He closes his eyes.

“Tell me to stay like this.”

You smile—sad and sweet. “You don’t need me to order you, Soldat. You can choose this.”

But he shakes his head, softly stubborn.

“Just tell me, Doll ... please"

You lean in, so your voice, half asleep can be a whisper.

“Stay with me, Soldat.”

He exhales and shifts, his arms tightening for a few seconds, pulling you closer.

“Thank you, Doll.”

332 notes · View notes

chlorinecake · 1 year ago

Text

「 𓍯𓂃 I KISSED HER FOREHEAD AND NOW SHE'S 𝒢IVING ME CRYSTALS ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 」

𝐢𝐞. super Y2K crush scenarios with 𝐍𝑒𝕨 𝐉𝚎𝐚𝕟s

── ✰⋆⁺ 𓊆ྀི . . path to bookshelf ◍ 𓊇ྀི 🔮 虹 . . . 𝔸ᶰĎ 𝒴𝐨𝕌 ?. . .

❖︎ pa𝓲ring .ᐟ 뉴진스 x female!reader

❖ g𝓮nre .ᐟ fluff, comfort, wlw, friends to lovers

❖ 𝒘𝗈𝗋𝖽 count .ᐟ 𝟏,𝟎𝟒𝟏 total ✩ ✩ ✩

𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐈 ── ❝ You smell pretty today... ❞

“You too!” You blurted out, right before realizing you'd gotten your words mixed up, “Wait- I meant to say you look pretty, but... I guess I mean both? Gosh, does that even make sense?”

A tiny smile spread across Minji's features at your adorable timidness, her boot-clad feet taking a few steps towards you before pulling you close, gracing your frame with a tender hug, “It makes perfect sense, weirdo… thanks...”

Her voice was calm and soothing as usual, despite the way it made butterflies swarm in the spot where your heart should be. You couldn't really explain it, but something about Minji's energy always had a way of making you look and feel like a lovesick geek by time you got a proper sentence out—

“So,” she began again, breaking from the embrace and looking you straight in the eye, her hands resting at your shoulders, “when were you gonna tell me about this little crush you have on me?”

Your eyes widened like you had seen a ghost, a nervous chuckle slipping past your lips as she tilted her head at you, just as you muttered a distracting, “Right after I told you which Victoria's Secret fragrance I'm wearing?”

𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐈 𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐌 ── ❝ Crystals? As a gesture?... ❞

“Pfft, of course!” Hanni replied matter-of-factly, “just like how you gave me coins for that gum-ball machine we passed earlier… but who's keeping track of all that stuff anyways?”

“You, apparently...,” you said as a gentle laugh escaped your lips at her quirky reply, “but touché, Hanni Pham... what should I do with these?”

“Hmmm,” she hummed, cupping your right palm in her own as the colorful stones glittered beneath the mall’s sunroof, “you can put them under your pillow at night!... o-or maybe even stash them in your purse so you can think about me wherever you go!”

“As if I'd need a crystal’s assistant with that,” you teased, ruffling her hair slightly with your free hand. “These are cool, though,” you went on, heart warming at both the feeling of your hand in hers and at the unique gift, “very sweet of you...”

“Eh, I tryyyy,” she replied smugly, right before blowing a tiny pink bubble with the gum she chewed, only to spit the leftover candy into a napkin and ask, “wanna close your eyes and guess what flavor you taste on me?...”

𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒𝐇 ── ❝ I like your sweater… ❞

“Oh, this old thing?” Danielle asked with her warm Australian accent, taking the colorful sweater’s hem in her fingers to examine it's loose threads, “My nana knit this for me like... forever ago...”

“Well it's cool to see she was a step ahead of fashion trends back then,” you smiled, letting your hand brush over the soft yarn of her sleeve... That's when a certain question arose in your head:

“Random, but by chance, are you any good with using chopsticks?” You asked, wanting to keep the conversation going.

“Oh, for sure! I’m basically a pro at it,” she boasted, flipping her curly locks in a cartoonish manner.

“Sweet! I have two coupons for two different places. One for a craft store, and another for a sushi bar… only thing is that they both expire tomorrow,” You went on, hoping that she'd catch your drift without you having to state any specifics...

“Oh? Well it'd be a total bummer to let them go to waste,” she shrugged, hooking her arm in yours before tugging you along with her, “we better get going quick before they run out of sashimi… or yellow yarn…”

𝐊𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 ── ❝ Can I come in please...? ❞

You heard a gentle voice call from behind your bedroom door, face buried into the largest pillow you could find given the sob-fest you had earlier…

“The door’s unlocked,” you sniffled, turning over on your bed to face her as she peaked from behind the door, her bright smile not even fading at the sight of you.

“I brought some heartwarming treats and DVD’s!” She began, voice just as pleasant as it always was. Haerin made her way to sit beside you on the bed, opening one of your favorite candy bars and handing it to you.

“How’d y’know I was upset?” You asked before taking a bite of the candy, chuckling a bit at the way she watched you so intently while doing so.

“I didn’t,” she went on plainly, “… I already wanted to surprise you today and just got lucky that it ended up being at a time where you needed it most…”

“Awww,” you pouted, dropping the candy bar to pull her into a hug, “you’re literally the best friend I could ask for, Haerin… thank you for coming to see me…”

“Of course,” she whispered, mind lingering on the word friend for a moment, even though she was certain you meant something a little more than that…

“So,” she began again, breaking from the contact and reaching for the TV remote, “Wanna rewatch Mean Girls or Clueless first?”

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐍 ── ❝ Can I touch your hair? ❞

You asked the question for one reason: You were bored out of your mind from waiting at the bus stop, and playing with Hyein’s hair seemed like a fun way to pass the time…

“Oh, sure!” She chirped, immediately straightening her posture on the park bench as you scooted closer to where she sat, taking her wavy locks into your grasp.

Hyein’s round eyes wandered to the sparkly pink Juicy Couture purse you wore over your shoulder, compelling her to ask, “What’s in the bag?”

“Oh- just some barrette’s and hair clips I got from Claire’s yesterday,” you replied, pausing to click open your purse and show her the different kinds, “Thought you might be interested in some extra bling, so…”

“You know me far too well then, ____,” she smiled, scanning each package with her eyes before suggesting that you decide which hair-clip style she would wear, and vice versa.

You let out a simple “Okay” at her offer, reaching for the pack of silver shooting stars for her hair while she held the pack of butterfly clips beside your face, a satisfied look spreading across her features.

“These are gonna look gorgeous on you,” Hyein smiled, right before opening the pack of butterflies clips and popping a few different colored ones in her palm, “This is too fun already, hehe… I can decorate your hair first, right?…”

ʚ 𝐀𝒰𝐓ᕼ𝕆𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝕆T𝐸: I decided to explore the wlw genre for a change, and I have no one other than @jwanniie to thank for inspiring me to experiment on my platform in such a way through her works... I've always wanted to write for my fav GG's just like how I write for my fav BG's, but simply never found the courage to until now ~ Hopefully you guys enjoyed what I came up with! ɞ

❖ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ( 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 💌 ) @squoxle @nikisvanillaccola @wonbinisbabygurl @ashgonedash @yourmomscuntis2tighy @addictedtohobi @ot7sevenlvr -> if GG content isn’t your thing, pls lmk and I’ll refrain from tagging you in such posts moving forward :3

796 notes · View notes

megapteraknits · 1 year ago

Text

I guess I'm a bit late for #maythefourthbewithyou but in time for #revengeofthefifth

Empire mosaic knit washcloth or doily or placemat or whatever.

#geek knitting #knitting #starwars #empire #maythefourth #mosaic knitting

3 notes · View notes

milykins · 3 months ago

Text

Living on the Surface for the First Time

This HC is from my Bayverse turtles living above the surface as themselves AU. They don’t really have any enemies to worry about anymore because they all deserve happiness and a chance to live without having to hide.

This idea basically came about from Tumblr conversations, thank you! You know who you are, I tried to include as much as I could!

TW: None!

Mikey

It’s not about admiring the ladies or trying to find a potential girlfriend when Mikey and his brothers begin living among the humans.

He just wants to have fun and get to do human stuff!

It’s the mundane tasks that we take for granted every day that bring him joy at first.

It’s going grocery shopping and picking out every type of cereal he’s never had the chance to try.

He ends up in the kitchen sitting around fifteen open boxes of cereal, a half-gallon of milk and several empty bowls.

He revels at the chance to be able to enter into a comic book store and buy actual new comics. No more dirty, old, or used comics for him. He realizes that this is what he wants to do with his life: sell comics and make others happy by embracing their inner nerd/geek.

Getting tickets to a baseball game with his brothers is another thing he’d always wanted to do.

Mikey catches the flyball with his bare hand as if it were no big deal and gets the pitcher to sign it.

Mikey’s eyes shine as people cheer and treat him like a normal person who deserves to be there.

He and his brothers go to NYCComicCon! As themselves! He has the greatest time greeting fans, signing stuff and taking pictures.

Again, it's the simple things that he enjoys. Walking around in broad daylight just because he can, chatting it up with anyone willing to talk to him.

Ordering a street hotdog with every possible topping you can get and taking a bite like it’s the most amazing thing he’s ever tasted.

He’s even happy to learn boring stuff like putting out garbage and recycling and taxes.

He makes real, actual friends with humans, gaining acceptance has been his dream for a long time.

Mostly, he’s just happy to finally be able to enjoy the sun, skateboard, and go sit at the duck pond in Central Park.

He finally understands it’s about the little things.

Raph

When Raph begins to live on top, it’s not all that glamorous at first. He decides to try living a normal life, including using transit for the first time, eventually getting his license, and driving a car.

He initially regrets his choice after being stuck in a packed subway car or rush-hour traffic, but eventually comes around.

One of the first things he does is go to his favourite restaurant, a steakhouse, with his brothers. He’d always wanted to go there.

Getting tickets to the Knicks again, but this time he gets to sit in an actual seat.

The seats might be a little tight, but he doesn’t care. No more hiding in the jumbotron for him.

It's pretty nice to be able to order a beer and hotdog from the vendors like a normal person.

Going grocery shopping for him is kind of hilarious.

He stands at the juice display for at least ten minutes, unsure of which brand to pick. He’d never had a choice before; it was whatever they could grab or salvage.

It finally clicks in that he really can get whatever he wants so he picks three kinds of juice.

He experiences the nightlife for the first time, going to a comedy club, or a sports bar with Casey.

Going to an actual gym and making gym buddies who all want to learn his workout regimen and techniques.

Buying furniture for his place and lying on beds in a mattress store.

He’s never had a new mattress in his life and sinking into all that plush is heavenly.

Having new things, not old, busted, or scrapped together, is such a foreign concept to him that he almost feels like he’s not supposed to have nice things.

He goes to a craft store and is presented with wall-to-wall options. Every kind of yarn in every colour, all the knitting supplies he could possibly want.

He’s honestly a bit lost and overwhelmed until a kind, old woman moves to assist him.

After accepting her help, she invites him to join her knitting circle, and he actually goes.

Once it all sinks in, it’s not so bad, he decides. He could get used to this.

Don

Donnie has big dreams of living above the surface. He wants to help people and make the world a better place, but first, he starts small.

He goes to a computer store for the first time ever and chooses parts for himself.

Leo goes with him and promptly loses him in the store for an hour.

He finds him assisting and advising other customers in their purchases much to the annoyance of the actual employees.

He goes to every museum and art gallery in the city, even the children’s museum.

He takes pictures of everything.

Every dinosaur skeleton, statue, mummy, sarcophagus, and even the rocks in the geology section.

He is truly like a kid in a candy store getting to do all of the things he’d never gotten a chance to do.

In true nerdy fashion, the next place on his list would be the library.

He spends hours in this magical place reading as many books as he can.

He gets a library card! After establishing a place to live he’s able to bring proof of residence and can apply for a library card.

Once he gets it, he spends a hot minute admiring the first piece of ID with his name and address on it.

The next step for him is to get his driver’s license.

He and his brothers are probably the only ones excited to be at the DMV.

Donnie is too tall for the car provided by the DMV for the test so they need to use the garbage truck.

Of course, Donnie passes with flying colours, but the same can’t be said for Mikey, who fails the first time and passes on his second try.

Eventually, his dreams do come true, and he starts a company to help people with his inventions.

Leo

He is the hardest to convince of this lifestyle change.

After all, they have everything they need in the sewers, why bother changing all of that to be in the noisy city with all of those people?

That’s when his brother Donnie takes him to a plant nursery for the first time.

His entire outlook changes.

Leo ends up filling his cart with all kinds of plants to start a little greenhouse—not one with artificial light this time, but one with actual sunlight.

Okay, now he’s having fun. He spends weeks constructing this greenhouse with his brother’s help.

Setting it up with all of his plants once it’s completed is quite cathartic to him.

This is when he finally starts to come around and try things.

Of course, he goes to the games with his brothers and has a great time.

He visits a teahouse and experiences a newfound sense of peace and tranquility like he never imagined.

He tries a few restaurants, orders takeout, and quickly realizes that he doesn’t know how to cook anything other than rice.

Cue Leo taking a cooking class and learning how to cook for himself.

He goes to the grocery store to pick ingredients to make his first actual meal from start to finish.

He’s so proud of himself and posts the picture on social media.

He gets such a positive reception that he begins posting all of his meals, gaining a small fanbase.

It takes him some courage to join a local dojo, but he quickly develops a sense of belonging.

He would eventually open his own dojo with their support.

At home, he creates a reading nook for himself by the window in his apartment with the most comfortable chair he’s ever sat in and loves to read when the sunlight streams in at just the right angle.

He also takes the time to create a little zen garden for himself on the same rooftop as his greenhouse.

And Leo, being Leo, still checks in on his brothers to make sure they’re adjusting well to life on the surface.

This includes telling Mikey to remember his reusable bags when he goes to the grocery store, telling Raph what day to bring down his garbage and recycling, and reminding Donnie to eat when he spends eight hours at the library.

He may have taken the longest to convince, but once he’s established a life for himself, there’s no going back to the sewers.

He finds himself wishing he’d done all of this a lot sooner.

Taglist

@danceingfae @thelaundrybitch @iridescentflamingo @redsrooftopprincess @ninnosaurus

@the-cauldron-witch @thepinkpanther83 @avery73 @adebauchedsloth @sophiacloud28

@definitely-canon @scholastic-dragon @truffle-reblogs @fyreball66 @yorshie

Please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!

#tmnt #tmnt bayverse #bayverse tmnt #aged up characters #bayverse turtles #bayverse mikey #bayverse raph #bayverse donnie #bayverse leo #bayverse tmnt headcanons #my writing #milykins writes

198 notes · View notes

koyagifs · 7 months ago

Text

𝓲𝓯 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂𝓼

pairing: hongjoong x reader au: college | in between worlds | genre: angst word count: 12.861k synopsis: no one seen it coming. how could they? the lead singer of up and coming band and the shy celloist. warning(s): mentions of death, hospital. author note: another favorite book, if i stay!! will be heavily basing it on it. When they release the seasons greeting, i just had to.

september 25th, 2021 12:15pm

Hongjoong stood in the doorway, frozen as if time itself had stopped. The dim light of the studio cast a warm glow over the young woman seated at the center of the room, her form almost ethereal. Her head tilted slightly, eyes closed in concentration, and her fingers danced delicately along the neck of the cello.

The bow in her hand moved with such grace that it seemed to breathe life into the instrument. The muffled strains of music seeped through the heavy door, a melody both haunting and beautiful. The cello nestled between her legs seemed an extension of herself, responding to her every touch as though it shared her soul.

Hongjoong felt his breath catch, the world outside fading into irrelevance. There was a power in her presence, one that silenced the chaos of his thoughts and left him wholly captivated. For a moment, he wondered if she had somehow charmed the room—or perhaps just him.

He came out from the trance when someone came beside him, " what's her name?"

Hongjoong turned his head sharply at the sound of her voice. A girl stood beside him now, her expression soft but curious as she glanced between him and the young cellist in the studio. Her smile grew as she returned her gaze to the girl playing, an unmistakable fondness shining in her eyes.

“Yn,” she said simply, her voice carrying a warmth that matched her expression.

Hongjoong nodded slightly, the name embedding itself in his mind like a melody he couldn’t forget. Without another word, he stepped away, feeling the pull of the moment lingering even as he distanced himself from the studio.

Yn. He repeated the name in his head, savoring how it sounded—soft, yet powerful, much like the music she played. It felt like the kind of name you’d whisper into the quiet of a night, afraid to disturb its beauty.

As he walked down the corridor, the faint echo of her cello followed him, weaving into his thoughts. He knew he’d be back, though he couldn’t quite say why. Something about Yn and the world she created with her music had already begun to anchor itself deeply in him, like a seed of inspiration waiting to grow.

He smiled faintly to himself. Whatever it was, he couldn’t wait to discover more.

Back in the room, Yn paused mid-stroke as the last note faded into silence. She looked up to see her best friend Maddie leaning against the doorframe, a wide grin plastered on her face. The mischievous glint in her eyes was unmistakable.

“What’s that look on your face for?” Yn asked, raising an eyebrow as she adjusted the bow in her hand.

Maddie shook her head, her grin widening as she stepped closer. “Oh, nothing,” she teased, her voice sing-song. “It’s just... someone has a secret admirer~.”

Yn blinked, her brows knitting together in confusion. “What are you talking about?” she asked, setting her bow down on the cello.

Maddie plopped down on a nearby chair, crossing her legs as if preparing to spill the juiciest gossip. “There was this guy—he couldn’t take his eyes off you,” she explained, dramatically clasping her hands to her chest. “It was like watching a puppy stare at a treat.”

Yn frowned slightly, tilting her head. “A guy? Who?”

Maddie shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, though the grin on her face betrayed her excitement. “Oh, you know—only the Kim Hongjoong was looking at you.”

Yn froze, her hands stilling on the cello as her eyes widened. “ you're telling me hongjoong saw my geeking out on the cello" she asked, her voice rising slightly as the words tumbled out.

Maddie burst out laughing, clutching her sides. “Oh, definitely,” she managed between giggles. “He was standing there, all wide-eyed and awestruck, like he’d just stumbled upon a hidden gem.”

Yn groaned, covering her face with both hands. “Oh my god, Maddie,” she mumbled through her fingers. “He probably thinks I’m some weirdo.”

“Are you kidding?” Maddie shot back, her laughter subsiding as she gave Yn a playful nudge on the arm. “He looked like he wanted to commission a whole symphony inspired by you. Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Yn peeked at her best friend from behind her hands, still unconvinced. “You’re exaggerating,” she accused, though a small part of her wanted to believe Maddie’s words.

Yn groaned, burying her face in her hands as Maddie laughed and tugged her up by the wrist.

“Come on, rock star whisperer,” Maddie teased, dragging Yn toward the door. “Let’s get out of here before your new admirer decides to camp outside the classroom.”

Yn rolled her eyes but let herself be pulled along, her thoughts still swirling. Kim Hongjoong—the name alone sent a flicker of disbelief through her. He wasn’t just anyone; he was the lead guitarist of 8teez, the up-and-coming band that had been the talk of their small town.

Their music was raw and electric, a blend of emotion and energy that had quickly captured the hearts of their growing fan base. The group had been making waves in the local scene for months, playing at festivals, gigs, and even the town’s annual summer fair. And now, with a record label finally backing them, 8teez was on the cusp of something bigger.

feburary 19th, 2023 11:15am

Yn sat quietly in the backseat of the Uber, her gaze fixed on the snowflakes drifting lazily down outside the window. The world beyond the glass was coated in a pristine white blanket, the streetlights casting a warm glow over the soft snowfall. It felt like something out of a dream, the kind of moment that felt both fleeting and infinite all at once.

Yn’s phone sat in her lap, her thumb instinctively tapping the screen to turn it on. The soft glow illuminated the emptiness of her notifications, and her heart clenched just a little tighter. She locked the screen, exhaled slowly, then repeated the cycle moments later, as though willing a message to appear from him.

Nothing.

Her heart ached each time the blank notification bar stared back at her, unyielding. It felt silly, almost foolish, to let it affect her this much. But still, she couldn’t shake the weight in her chest, the unanswered questions circling her mind like an unrelenting storm.

A storm had struck, leaving a devastating aftermath in its wake. The once calm streets were now a blur of swirling snow and ice, the world outside distorted and harsh. The wind howled, a fierce reminder of the storm’s power, and the snow fell in thick, heavy sheets that seemed to blur the line between day and night.

Inside the Uber, Yn's body jerked forward with a sharp impact, the car sliding uncontrollably across the slick road. Her breath caught in her throat as her seatbelt dug into her chest, the force of the motion throwing her against the back of the seat. Panic surged through her as she gripped the armrest, her heart pounding in her ears.

The sound of tires screeching against the ice was drowned out by the screeching of her own thoughts, a chaotic cacophony in her mind. The world outside had blurred into a whirl of white, the wind slamming against the car, but all she could focus on was the feeling of helplessness, of being entirely out of control. The cold metal of the seat dug into her back, her grip failing on the armrest as the car spun, and she felt the sharp jolt of panic in her chest.

This can’t be happening. Not now... not like this.

Her heart pounded in her ears, the terror crashing over her in waves as the car slid further, the sense of time slowing down, twisting, until it became a blur of sensations. The last thing she saw was the back seat, the familiar black leather seat cover before darkness closed in on her like a heavy blanket.

And then, everything went silent.

october 19th, 2021 1:06 pm

Hongjoong walked towards the two girls who were laughing, their voices carrying through the quiet space as they shared a moment. His heart was pounding in his chest, the familiar rush of adrenaline hitting him in a way it never had before. He'd been with girls before—spent time talking, laughing, even flirting—but this? This was different.

As he neared them, a wave of nervous energy surged through him, making him second-guess every step he took. He adjusted his jacket for the hundredth time, running a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of the situation settle on his shoulders. Why is this so hard? he thought, swallowing the lump in his throat. It's just a conversation. Just a hello.

But with every step closer to Yn, the closer he got to unraveling. He had never been this nervous before. His mind raced with questions, with thoughts that felt like a whirlpool. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I say something stupid? What if...

His gaze was fixed on her, her laughter drifting toward him like a melody he couldn't escape. She was so effortlessly beautiful, so calm, so magnetic, and all of a sudden, he felt like a clumsy fool trying to approach someone out of his league.

Just breathe, he told himself, shaking his head as if he could clear the swirling thoughts. He was Kim Hongjoong. Confident. Charismatic. The guy who led his band with ease. And yet, here he was, fighting the urge to turn around and run.

Still, his feet carried him closer, one step after another, until he was just a few feet away from the two girls. Maddie was the first to notice him, her grin widening when she saw him approach.

“You’ve got guts,” she teased with a knowing look, but Hongjoong barely registered the words. His focus was entirely on Yn, who turned toward him, her expression unreadable but not unkind.

He stopped in front of them, his heart racing, and he opened his mouth to say something—anything—but for a moment, the words wouldn’t come. It was like his voice had abandoned him.

Pull it together, Hongjoong.

“Hey,” he finally managed, his voice a little rougher than he intended. “I… I just wanted to say hi.”

Yn raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by his sudden nervousness. “Hi,” she said softly, her smile gentle

Maddie left with a playful smile on her face, her hand giving Yn a quick pat on the back that Yn barely registered. As she walked away, her grin widening, Yn couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She knew what was coming, but she had little time to process it as Hongjoong stood there in front of her, a small, nervous smile playing on his lips.

"I'm Hongjoong," he said, his voice carrying a certain warmth as he spoke, like he was trying to sound casual, but the slight tension in his posture betrayed the nerves he was trying to hide.

Yn blinked, her mind briefly catching up with the moment. “I know," she said automatically, her words coming out quicker than she intended. She cleared her throat, embarrassed. "I mean—sorry, I’m Yn.”

The exchange felt awkward, but in a way, it also felt... real. Hongjoong wasn’t some unreachable figure anymore—he was just a guy standing there in front of her, offering a friendly smile. But the weight of his presence, the nervous energy still lingering between them, made it hard to find her balance.

Hongjoong couldn't help but chuckle at the nervous girl standing in front of him. His smile was easy, but there was a certain softness in his gaze that made him look even more approachable than before. "I uh, saw you play," he said, his voice light, but his words carrying a sense of sincerity.

The moment the words left his lips, Yn’s face flushed with a deep blush, her cheeks warming instantly. She tried to hide the heat rising in her face by looking down, but it was no use—the flush was very evident. Her heart skipped a beat, thudding hard against her chest as she fumbled for something to say.

"I—I didn’t know you were there," she stammered, her voice almost a whisper. Get it together, she told herself, but it was hard when he was standing so close, smiling at her in a way that made everything feel a little too real.

Hongjoong’s chuckle softened into a small, knowing smile. "I guess that’s a good thing, right? You’re so focused when you play," he said, his eyes warm with admiration. "It’s impressive."

Yn could feel the heat in her cheeks spreading, her heartbeat still erratic. The compliment felt like it was both a gift and a challenge, and she didn’t know how to handle it. Why is he making me feel like this? she thought, her thoughts spiraling just a little.

She cleared her throat and shrugged slightly, trying to regain her composure. "It’s just... something I do, you know?" she said, trying to downplay it. "I don’t really think about it too much."

Hongjoong tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. "Well, it definitely stands out," he said, his voice quiet but sincere. "Not everyone can make something like that look so effortless. You’ve got a gift."

The warmth of his words made her heart race again, and she had to look away for a moment, trying to steady her breath. "Thanks," she said softly, a little embarrassed by the intensity of her own reaction.

There was a brief, comfortable silence between them, the kind that didn’t feel forced. It was like they were both caught in the same quiet bubble, the nervous energy now mingling with a budding sense of ease.

Hongjoong’s words stumbled out in a rush, the nervousness creeping back into his voice as he looked at Yn. He had been thinking about asking her for days, but now that the moment was here, it felt harder than he anticipated. “I, uh, have these tickets to Yo-Yo Ma’s concert,” he started, his words a little more hurried than he intended. “I was wondering if maybe you’d... go with me? I mean—you don’t have to, but—”

He cut himself off, feeling the familiar weight of uncertainty pressing down on him. His eyes darted to the ground for a brief moment, trying to shake off the sense of awkwardness, but the words had already left his mouth, and now it was too late to take them back.

Yn’s heart skipped another beat, the unexpected question hanging in the air like a soft challenge. She hadn’t expected him to ask her out like this—certainly not for something as intimate as a concert. Her breath hitched slightly, and she struggled to find her voice.

"I'll love to," Yn said, smiling brightly, the warmth spreading through her chest as she met Hongjoong's gaze. The fluttering in her stomach felt like a small, hopeful spark—like something new was just beginning to take root.

Hongjoong's eyes lit up at her response, a wide grin spreading across his face. He had been nervous, unsure of how she would respond, but hearing her say yes made everything feel a little lighter. "Really?" he asked again, almost disbelieving, though his tone was filled with happiness.

Yn nodded, the smile never leaving her face. "Yeah. I’d really like to go with you."

The relief that washed over Hongjoong was palpable, and for a moment, he seemed to forget about his nerves entirely. "Awesome," he said with a grin, his eyes soft with gratitude. "I’ll send you the details soon. It’s going to be great."

feburary 19th, 2023 11:54am

Yn’s head throbbed, the sharp ringing in her ears growing louder as she blinked rapidly, trying to clear her blurry vision. The cold air around her felt foreign, like she wasn’t quite connected to the world around her. She pushed herself up from the ground, her limbs unsteady as she took in the chaotic scene unfolding before her.

The first thing she noticed was the crunch of snow under running feet, the hurried movement of paramedics and bystanders rushing past her. The flashing lights of an ambulance painted the snow a harsh, pulsing red and blue. A sense of panic slowly began to settle in her chest as she realized that something had gone horribly wrong.

Panic surged through Yn’s body, the overwhelming rush of confusion and fear clouding her mind as she stumbled forward, her legs weak. Desperate to make sense of what was happening, she ran toward an EMT, her heart hammering in her chest, trying to find someone who could help.

"Excuse me!" she tried to call out, her voice a strangled whisper, but it was caught in her throat as she reached the EMT. She reached out instinctively, but when her hand passed through his arm—when she felt the cold air instead of solid flesh—her breath hitched, and her world tilted violently.

Her heart skipped a beat as she froze, staring at her hand, now hovering through the EMT's arm, utterly confused. The chaos around her continued, the flashing lights of the ambulance blurring in her peripheral vision, but everything felt... off, like a dream slipping further away from her grasp.

She blinked, looking around frantically, trying to process what had just happened. Was she hallucinating? Was this some kind of fog settling over her mind? No—she could still feel the snow crunching beneath her feet, the cold air biting at her skin. Yet there was a feeling of separation, like she wasn’t fully tethered to the world around her.

She tried again, moving toward the EMT with renewed urgency. "Help me, please!" she tried to shout, but her voice failed her, the words coming out as an echo, distant and hollow. She reached out again, her hand passing straight through the EMT’s body as if he wasn’t even there. Panic tightened in her chest, and she stepped back, her heart racing.

What’s happening to me?

The sensation of fear and confusion flooded her as she tried to make sense of the growing disconnect between her body and the world she was in. The EMT didn’t seem to notice her at all, continuing his frantic efforts to help someone else on the ground.

Frustration and terror bubbled up in Yn’s chest as she turned, looking wildly for someone else—anyone who could see her, could hear her. She didn’t know what was real anymore, and the weight of her own disembodiment made her feel small and helpless.

Yn’s breath caught in her throat as her eyes landed on something that made her heart stop—herself. There, lying in the snow, her body surrounded by EMTs. The sight was surreal, like an out-of-body experience, and she could hardly process what she was seeing. She reached out instinctively, but her hand passed right through the scene as though it were a fleeting memory.

Her pulse hammered in her ears as she tried to make sense of it. Is that... is that really me? The image of her lifeless form in the snow felt distant and cold, yet the emotions rushing through her were too raw to ignore.

Her body, motionless and pale, was being carefully tended to by the EMTs, their hands moving with practiced precision, as though this was just another emergency to be handled. But Yn couldn’t shake the sense that something was wrong. Something had shifted.

“On three, we lift,” one of the EMTs called out, his voice firm and steady, signaling the others to prepare.

The words felt like a punch to her gut. They weren’t talking about her—they were talking about her body. The weight of that realization hit her all at once, a cold, hollow ache spreading through her chest. This can’t be happening.

She watched helplessly as the EMTs lifted her body from the snow, their movements synchronized. Her lifeless form was carefully cradled and placed onto a stretcher, the medic’s calm instructions echoing in her mind as they began to wheel her away.

Yn wanted to scream, to run to them, to demand to know why they weren’t helping her, why she wasn’t there with them. But the words wouldn’t come. She could see everything, feel everything, but nothing seemed to connect. She wasn’t part of this world anymore—not physically, at least.

In that moment, she realized the truth, the awful reality of it all. She was here, but she wasn’t. Her body was being taken away, but she remained, trapped in this disorienting space between the living and the dead.

Yn’s heart pounded in her chest as she watched her body being loaded into the ambulance, the reality of the situation crashing down on her. She couldn’t quite grasp what was happening—how she was standing there, yet her body was somewhere else, being whisked away as though she were nothing more than a memory.

Desperation clawed at her as she took a hesitant step toward the ambulance, her feet barely making contact with the snow. She couldn’t feel the cold; the world around her felt oddly detached, like she was floating just above everything. But the instinct to move, to follow, was too strong to ignore. She needed to understand. She needed to know what was going on.

october 26th, 2021 10:00 pm

The chill of the fall air bit at their skin as Hongjoong wrapped an arm around Yn, holding her close as they walked away from the venue. His heart thudded in his chest with each step, the excitement of the night mixing with a sense of warmth he couldn’t quite shake. Being with her felt like something important, something he couldn’t quite explain, but it was undeniable.

His thoughts were a mix of exhilaration and uncertainty, wondering how this night would unfold, what it meant for them, for their connection. Everything felt right in the moment, like the world had shifted into place.

But suddenly, Yn came to a halt. Hongjoong almost didn’t notice at first, still caught up in the rhythm of their walk, but when he looked down at her, he saw that something had changed.

Yn stood perfectly still, her eyes wide and distant. It was as if a wave of confusion or realization had hit her all at once, and she was frozen in place, her breath shallow. Hongjoong could feel the tension in the air, the way her body seemed to stiffen, like she was struggling with something invisible.

“Yn?” he asked, his voice soft but filled with concern as he gently pulled her to face him. “Hey, are you okay?”

For a moment, Yn didn’t answer. Her gaze drifted over his shoulder, her eyes unfocused, as though something had pulled her attention away. She looked as if she were searching for something—someone. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, but she seemed lost in thought, caught between the moment they were in and something else.

Hongjoong’s grip tightened slightly, worried by the change in her demeanor. “Yn…?” he repeated, stepping closer.

" what do you want from me hongjoong.."

Hongjoong's heart skipped a beat as her words hung in the cold air. The question was raw, unexpected, and it cut through him like a blade. The weight of her words hit him harder than he anticipated. It wasn’t just a question. It felt like a challenge, a hesitation, an invitation to something deeper, something that he wasn’t sure how to answer.

His breath hitched as he stepped closer, his eyes searching hers. She seemed so distant, like a part of her was somewhere else—far away from the moment, far away from him. He couldn’t tell if it was uncertainty, confusion, or something else that held her back, but he knew he couldn’t let this moment slip away.

“I want to be with you, Yn,” Hongjoong said softly, his voice steady but vulnerable. His words felt like the truth, simple and pure, yet heavy with the weight of everything they’d shared and everything they hadn’t yet said. “I want to be here with you. If you’ll have me.”

He paused, letting the words settle between them. His hands still gently held her, a silent plea for her to meet him halfway, to let down the walls that seemed to be pulling her away from him.

Her eyes flickered with something—something fleeting that he couldn’t quite read—but before he could say anything more, she turned her gaze to the ground.

" why me? Why now?" she asked, her lips trembling.

Hongjoong’s chest tightened as he watched Yn’s gaze fall to the ground, her words lingering in the cold night air. The tremble in her voice made his heart ache, and he instinctively took a step closer, his fingers brushing against hers, a silent gesture of reassurance.

He couldn’t help but wonder what had brought those words out of her—what fears, what uncertainties were swirling in her mind. But he also knew, deep down, that it wasn’t just about the moment they were standing in. It wasn’t just about the way the world felt heavy and tangled between them. It was about the weight of everything she had to carry, everything she wasn’t sure she could give.

"Why you?" Hongjoong repeated softly, as though the answer to that question could ever truly be simple. “Because you’re you, Yn. Because you’re the one who makes everything feel… different. When I’m with you, I don’t feel like I’m just going through the motions. You make everything seem like it matters.”

He paused, his voice turning more vulnerable, more earnest. “I don’t have a perfect answer for why now—I guess it’s because right now, it feels like the right time. I don’t know if I can explain it any other way.”

Yn looked up at him then, her eyes still filled with doubt, but something in her expression softened, as if she were trying to process his words.

Yn’s breath hitched as Hongjoong gently pulled her closer, his hands warm against the cold of the night as he wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. The gesture, so tender and full of care, made her chest tighten with something she couldn’t fully comprehend. There was a rawness in his eyes, a depth of sincerity that reached her in ways words never could.

"Yn..." His voice was soft, yet it held a quiet determination. She couldn’t quite bring herself to look away from him, even as her thoughts raced, her doubts clouding her mind. But his presence was grounding, like an anchor pulling her back to the moment.

"The moment I laid my eyes on you, playing your cello," he continued, his voice steady but filled with emotion, "I just knew you were the one I wanted to be with."

Yn felt her heart lurch at his words. It was as if everything she had tried to suppress—her fears, her doubts, the lingering uncertainty about herself—was suddenly laid bare. He was seeing her in a way no one else had, and it terrified her. She opened her mouth, ready to protest, to explain why she wasn’t ready, but before she could speak, Hongjoong shook his head.

"Please, just this one chance?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper, but the sincerity in his eyes made her heart skip.

Yn froze, her mind battling with the storm of emotions inside her. She wanted to push him away, to protect herself, to keep the walls that had kept her safe for so long intact. But there was something about Hongjoong—the way he was looking at her, the way he was with her—that made it impossible to ignore.

Hongjoong’s heart raced as he saw the subtle nod, the quiet acceptance in her eyes. It was all he needed. No words were left to say, just the raw, unspoken understanding between them. His breath caught in his throat as he slowly leaned in, the distance between them disappearing with each heartbeat.

He cupped her face gently, his fingers brushing against the soft curve of her cheek. There was a tenderness in his touch, a reverence for the moment, as if he were afraid that moving too fast would shatter the fragile trust they were beginning to build. Yet, despite the uncertainty that lingered in the air, he couldn’t ignore the magnetic pull between them, the undeniable need to close the gap, to be closer to her.

Yn’s breath hitched as his lips finally met hers, soft at first, a careful exploration. The world around them seemed to fade into the background, the only thing that mattered was the warmth of his lips, the gentle pressure as he deepened the kiss, just enough to feel the weight of everything unspoken.

It was slow, patient, like they were both trying to savor the moment—an acknowledgment that this was something more, something real, that was blooming between them. For a moment, Yn melted into him, her body leaning into his touch, her fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket like she was afraid to let go. The kiss was a quiet promise, an unspoken vow to take things one step at a time, to trust, to be present.

When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads rested together, breath mingling in the cool night air.

Hongjoong smiled softly, his voice barely a whisper as he spoke. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

Yn’s heart was still racing, but there was a lightness to her now, a quiet warmth that she hadn’t felt before. She didn’t have all the answers, didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. But for now, she was here. With him.

“Let’s take it slow,” she murmured, her voice steady now, the uncertainty beginning to fade. "But I’m willing to try."

feburary 19th, 2023 12:15pm

The sudden rush of activity around her was overwhelming, the frantic movement of the doctors and nurses around her—everything was happening too quickly for her to process. Jogging by the nurses and doctor that hovered over her.

"Female, early 20s, collapsed lung, unresponsive," one of the doctors said sharply, his tone focused and commanding. "Let’s get her into operating room one now."

Yn stood frozen just inside the door, her gaze locked onto her own body, laid out on the operating table in front of her. The blood that stained her clothes, the mask over her face—everything felt unreal. It was like watching someone else, as if she were standing outside of herself, unable to grasp the full weight of what was happening.

The sterile, cold air of the operating room surrounded her, the bustle of the medical staff continuing on as if everything were normal, yet everything felt... wrong. She didn’t feel like herself anymore. Her body felt distant, almost foreign, as if she was a spectator in a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.

A nurse came to her side, her voice low but comforting as she leaned in close. "You're in control of this whole show, baby. Whether you live or die, it's all up to you. I'm going to be by your side. I will not be leavin’."

The nurse’s words struck Yn like a lightning bolt, the gravity of the situation slowly sinking in. In control? How could she be? She was already here, trapped in the space between life and death, stuck in this bizarre limbo. Yet, there was something in the nurse’s voice, a quiet strength that reached through the chaos and uncertainty.

Yn looked down at herself again, at the form that was so familiar, yet felt so foreign in this moment. Blood. The oxygen mask. The steady beep of the heart monitor. She felt her chest tighten, a rush of panic threatening to overtake her, but the nurse’s words grounded her—offered her something to hold on to.

It’s up to me...

Her heart thudded in her chest as she thought of everything she hadn’t yet lived for. Hongjoong. Her friends. The music she’d yet to play. The chance to still make something of all the potential she had. The tears welling up in her eyes blurred her vision, but she didn’t let herself fall apart—not yet. Not until she could fight for it.

The cold, sterile environment didn’t feel as suffocating now. The nurse’s presence, her steady voice, gave her a sense of direction in a place where she had none.

november 9th, 2021 9:15pm

Yn couldn’t help but feel out of place as she stepped into the dimly lit bar. The low hum of chatter and clinking glasses filled the air, but everything around her felt distant, like she was on the outside looking in. Her fingers brushed against the cool glass of her drink, but it didn't quite calm the nerves that had begun to twist in her stomach.

The sound of her name being called made her look up. Hongjoong stood by the entrance, a warm, inviting smile on his face, his presence like a beacon in the crowd. His eyes, dark and intense, locked onto hers as he moved toward her with a confident stride.

He didn’t waste any time, offering his hand to her with a slight bow of his head. "Come on," he said softly, his voice warm and full of reassurance.

As they stepped into the back, Yn felt a rush of nerves that she couldn’t quite explain. The warm, dimly lit space was filled with the sound of instruments being tuned, the low hum of conversation among Hongjoong’s bandmates. There were amps scattered around, wires on the floor, and an air of excited chaos that came with preparing for a show.

But what made her feel most exposed was the fact that, as soon as they entered, the eyes of Hongjoong’s bandmates shifted toward her. The energy in the room seemed to shift, and for a moment, Yn felt like she was an outsider, a stranger in their world of music and camaraderie.

Hongjoong, however, was unfazed. His excitement was palpable as he turned to her with a bright smile, his eyes sparkling with genuine enthusiasm. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, his voice full of warmth. “You’re gonna love this. The band’s been practicing hard, and it’s gonna be a great show.”

He led her further into the room, guiding her with a hand on her back, but Yn couldn’t shake the feeling of being out of place. She was still getting used to this side of him—the musician, the one who was part of something bigger, something she didn’t fully understand. She felt like she was stepping into his world, and it was both exciting and overwhelming.

As they approached the bandmates, Hongjoong’s energy was infectious. He waved at the guys, who were all busy with their instruments or talking amongst themselves, but paused when he reached them.

“Everyone, this is Yn,” Hongjoong said, his voice proud as he introduced her. The bandmates looked up from their instruments, offering her warm, welcoming smiles. There was a casual ease about them, but Yn couldn’t shake the feeling that they were sizing her up, trying to figure out who she was in the midst of Hongjoong’s world.

One of the bandmates, a tall guy with a friendly grin, reached out to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you, Yn. I’m Mingi,” he said, his tone laid-back and easygoing. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

Yn nodded, smiling politely, but her nerves were still running high. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said, her voice a little unsure.

Another bandmate, a quieter guy with dark hair and a focused expression, nodded in her direction. “We’re glad you could make it tonight,” he added, his voice smooth but a little reserved.

Hongjoong’s face lit up as he watched her interact with his friends. His energy was infectious, and it was hard to deny the sense of pride he seemed to take in having her there.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly to her, almost as if he were reminding himself that she was really there, in his world now. “I know this is a lot to take in, but I want you to be a part of it. All of it.”

Yn felt a rush of warmth at his words, but it didn’t completely erase the sense of vulnerability she was feeling. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to dive headfirst into his world, but the way Hongjoong looked at her, the way he included her in everything—she felt like she wanted to try.

Hongjoong noticed the slight tension in Yn’s posture, the way her eyes darted around the room as if she were trying to find a way to disappear into the background. His heart ached for her, seeing how out of place she felt, and instinctively, he reached out to her, pulling her gently towards his side.

"You don’t have to go out there or even be in the front," he said, his voice soft but reassuring. "You’re more than welcome to hang back here. Just... be comfortable. I want you to enjoy yourself."

His words were like a balm to the growing anxiety inside her. He wasn’t pushing her to be anything she wasn’t ready for, and that small gesture—a simple, comforting touch—was enough to make her feel a little more at ease.

Yn looked up at him, her expression softening as she took in his words. His concern for her made her heart flutter, and she felt the weight of his kindness. He wasn’t trying to drag her into his world forcefully. He was offering her space, letting her decide what part of it she wanted to be in.

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice tinged with relief. She glanced around again at the band, then back to Hongjoong, appreciating how he wasn’t making her feel like an outsider.

Hongjoong smiled, the warmth in his eyes never leaving. "Of course. And if you change your mind, I’ll be out there with you. But for now, let’s just hang out here and enjoy the show from the sidelines." He gave her a playful wink, making it clear that there was no pressure.

Yn let out a deep sigh of relief, the weight of her nerves lifting slightly as she nodded her head. She felt a sense of calm settle over her in that quiet corner, away from the chaos of the venue, knowing Hongjoong was there beside her.

Before she could say anything more, Hongjoong turned to her with a warm smile. His eyes softened as he cupped her face gently, leaning in to place a quick, sweet kiss on her lips. The soft press of his lips against hers was enough to make her heart skip a beat, grounding her even more in that moment. It was simple, but filled with a tenderness that made everything feel right.

As he pulled away, he flashed her a wink, his grin playful. "Stay here, alright? I’ll be back in just a minute."

Yn watched as he rushed towards the stage, the energy around him changing as he got closer to his bandmates. She couldn’t help but smile, her heart swelling with pride. She was still processing everything—this world of music, his band, the people—but in that brief moment, Hongjoong had made her feel like she belonged, even if only for a little while.

As the band took their places on stage and the crowd erupted into applause, Yn stayed back, watching Hongjoong’s every move. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to be out there with him, but from here, in the safety of her corner, she could take it all in. The way he moved, the way his confidence shone as he interacted with the crowd—it made her heart race, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was part of something bigger than herself.

The music began to play, and though she wasn’t on stage with him, she was right there in the moment, her eyes locked on him, cheering him on in her own quiet way. Hongjoong had invited her into this world, and even though it was overwhelming at times, she couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of excitement about where it might lead.

feburary 20th, 2023 1am

Yn sat on the bench beside her bed, her body tense, her legs trembling with a mix of anxiety and fear. Her mind was in a haze as she watched her own body being wheeled past her, pale and lifeless under the bright hospital lights. The sterile smell of the hospital was overwhelming, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight of the medical team rushing her body to the icu. It felt surreal, like watching a scene from a movie that was far too close to home.

Her heart pounded in her chest, the reality of the situation sinking in with each passing second. She wanted to scream, to rush to her own side, but she couldn’t. She was stuck in this strange, haunting space between life and death, unable to make sense of what was happening. Her mind was racing with questions, thoughts she couldn’t answer, and a deep sense of helplessness she couldn’t escape.

The sound of footsteps approaching pulled her from her thoughts, and she turned her head quickly, hoping to see a familiar face. Maddie appeared in the hallway, her expression full of worry and confusion. The moment their eyes met, Maddie started to rush towards her, but security quickly intervened, blocking her path.

"Hey! You can’t go past here," one of the guards said firmly, holding his ground as Maddie tried to push through.

Maddie flick him off as she let out a frustrated groan. Yn went up to the glass door as she placed her hand there as Maddie.

Yn’s heart sank as she watched Maddie break down, her words barely a whisper but carrying the weight of every unspoken fear. "Maddie..." Yn mumbled , her voice cracking as the tears streamed down her face. She could feel the overwhelming emotion rising inside her, the agony of being so close yet completely invisible.

Her breath hitched when she saw her parents rush into the scene, their faces etched with concern and worry. Maddie’s frantic questions hung in the air as they gathered around her, trying to offer some form of comfort in this moment of chaos.

Yn’s mother pulled Maddie into a tight embrace, her own sob catching in her throat as she tried to hold herself together. “Oh, Maddie…” she murmured, her voice trembling with sorrow. The pain in her words was raw, a mother’s anguish breaking through as she sought to comfort Maddie, even as her own heart was breaking.

Yn’s father stepped forward, wrapping his arms around them both, creating a cocoon of shared grief and worry. His eyes, bloodshot and puffy from tears, reflected the helplessness that hung heavily in the air. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. “Did they tell you anything? Anything at all?”

Maddie pulled back slightly, her face streaked with tears as she struggled to find her voice. “They said…” she began, her voice quivering. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, trying to steady herself. “They said it was a head-on collision. A collapsed lung, broken ribs, and—” Her voice cracked, and she couldn’t bring herself to say more.

Yn stood frozen, watching her parents and Maddie cling to one another. Her mother shook her head in despair, her tears falling freely now. “My baby…” she whispered, her knees threatening to give way as she leaned heavily into her husband for support.

“I don’t know if she’s going to make it,” Maddie finally choked out, her voice breaking as the weight of her fear pressed down on her. “They didn’t say much else. Just… just that she’s critical.”

Yn’s father tightened his hold on the two women, his own tears now streaming down his face. “She’s a fighter,” he said, his voice wavering but full of conviction. “Our Yn is strong. She’ll pull through. She has to.”

Yn felt like her chest was caving in as she watched the scene before her. The love, the pain, the desperation—it was all so overwhelming. Her family and her best friend, the people who meant the world to her, were suffering, and there was nothing she could do to reassure them, to let them know she was still here, fighting to find her way back.

“Maddie, Mom, Dad…” Yn whispered, her voice trembling as tears blurred her vision. “I’m still here. I’m not giving up.”

But no one could hear her. The invisible barrier that separated her from them was unyielding, and all she could do was watch, her heart breaking with every tear they shed.

november 30th, 2021

Hongjoong stepped into the lively house, the hum of chatter and laughter filling the air. The cozy glow of the lights warmed the space, and despite the initial flutter of nerves in his chest, his eyes instinctively searched for you. The tension in his shoulders eased the moment he spotted you, standing by the kitchen counter with your brother and his girlfriend, a bright smile lighting up your face.

Your laughter was infectious, drawing him in like a beacon amidst the bustling crowd. You were gesturing animatedly as you spoke, the soft hum of joy radiating from your little group. It was such a natural moment, and yet, to Hongjoong, it felt extraordinary. The way you laughed so freely, your smile effortlessly lighting up the room—it made his own lips curve upward.

He hesitated for a moment, standing near the doorway, watching the way you interacted with those around you. You seemed so at ease, so utterly yourself, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of admiration, mixed with the nerves that hadn’t completely dissipated.

Your brother nudged you playfully, causing another bout of laughter to erupt, and Hongjoong took that as his cue to move closer. He adjusted his jacket, smoothing down the front as if it would help steady his racing heart.

“Hey,” he called out softly, his voice cutting through the buzz just enough for you to turn your head in his direction.

Your eyes lit up when you saw him, a warm smile spreading across your face. “Hongjoong! You made it!”

That simple acknowledgment was enough to make his heart stutter. He grinned, stepping into your circle. “Of course I did. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Your brother raised a curious brow, his gaze flicking between you and Hongjoong, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just smirked, sharing a glance with his girlfriend before excusing themselves, leaving the two of you alone in the corner of the bustling room.

Hongjoong leaned in, his lips brushing softly against your cheek, his warm gesture drawing a quiet smile from you. The tender moment was interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps, and you turned to see your mother entering the room, her cheerful energy practically lighting up the space.

“Ah, there you are!” she exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement as her eyes landed on the two of you. “Hongjoong, it’s so good to see you again!”

She rushed toward the two of you, her arms outstretched in a welcoming gesture. Hongjoong straightened up, his signature grin lighting up his face as he met her halfway. “It’s great to see you too, Mrs. [Your Last Name],” he said, his tone warm and genuine.

“Oh, none of that formal nonsense,” your mother said with a playful wave of her hand as she pulled him into a quick hug. “You’re practically family now.”

Your cheeks warmed at her words, and you glanced at Hongjoong, who seemed equally caught off guard by the comment. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I’m honored. Thank you.”

Your mother stepped back, giving the two of you a knowing smile. “You’ve been keeping this one happy, haven’t you?” she teased, nudging you lightly with her elbow.

“Mom!” you protested, though your flustered tone only made her laugh more.

“What?” she said innocently, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “It’s just nice to see my baby with someone who clearly adores them.”

Hongjoong’s ears turned a faint shade of pink, but he didn’t shy away. Instead, he glanced at you with a soft smile. “I do, Mrs.—I mean, Mom,” he said, testing the word with a bit of humor, which earned an approving laugh from your mother.

“Well, good,” she said with a satisfied nod. “Now, you two go enjoy yourselves. There’s plenty of food, and your father’s been trying to show off his new grill skills if you’re brave enough to taste-test.”

With a wink, she bustled off toward the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone again.

Hongjoong turned to you, his expression a mix of amusement and affection. “I think I might be a little scared of your dad’s cooking now.”

You laughed, nudging him playfully. “Don’t worry, I’ll be your food tester. It’s a small price to pay for having you here.”

He leaned closer, his voice dropping slightly as he whispered, “I think I’m the lucky one for being here with you.

feburary 20th, 2023 10:30a

Yn’s gaze was fixed out the hospital window, the rhythmic beeping of the machine keeping her stable a constant reminder of the fragility of her current state. The hum of the bustling world outside seemed so distant, like a melody she could no longer fully reach. She took a shaky breath, her thoughts heavy and tangled, when something in the distance caught her attention.

Her eyes widened as she stood abruptly, the chair scraping softly against the floor. Through the glass, she saw Hongjoong, his figure unmistakable even amidst the chaos outside. He was running toward the hospital, his expression frantic, his strides fueled by urgency and worry.

“Hongjoong…” she whispered, her voice barely audible in the silent room.

Her hand instinctively moved to the window, as if the simple gesture could bridge the gap between them. She pressed her palm to the cold glass, her heart aching at the sight of him. He looked disheveled, his jacket barely clinging to his shoulders as he sprinted across the snowy pavement.

The desperation on his face was clear, and it struck something deep within her. It wasn’t just worry—it was fear, the kind that clung to every fiber of his being, driving him forward with reckless determination.

Yn’s chest tightened as she stepped closer to the window, her breath fogging the glass. She knew he couldn’t see her, couldn’t feel the weight of her gaze. But still, she stood there, watching, willing him to sense her presence somehow.

Yn’s feet carried her toward the ICU’s main doors almost instinctively, her entire being drawn by the pull of Hongjoong’s presence. The air felt thick with tension, her anxiety mounting with each step. She stood just beyond the threshold, her translucent form unable to do more than watch as he burst through the hospital’s front doors.

Her breath hitched when she saw him sprinting down the hallway, his hair disheveled, his face flushed from the cold and exertion. His eyes were wild, frantic, searching desperately as he neared the ICU.

And then he saw her body through the glass window.

"Yn!" His cry was loud, raw, and full of anguish. He banged on the glass with his fists, his voice breaking as he called out her name again.

"Sir! You need to calm down!" the nurse urged, her tone firm as she tried to guide Hongjoong away from the glass.

Hongjoong shrugged her hand off with an irritated huff, his frustration palpable. “I’m not leaving her!” he snapped, his voice trembling with raw emotion.

Before the nurse could respond, Maddie appeared by his side, her face a mix of worry and exasperation. She grabbed his arm, tugging him back gently but firmly. “Hongjoong, cut it out,” she said in a low, urgent tone. “You’re going to get kicked out if you don’t chill.”

He let out a heavy sigh, his body still tense as his eyes darted back to the window. “She’s in there, Maddie,” he said, his voice cracking. “I can’t just stand here and do nothing. She needs to know I’m here.”

Maddie’s expression softened as she stepped in front of him, placing both hands on his shoulders to steady him. “She knows, Hongjoong,” she said firmly, her tone laced with a kind of quiet strength. “But you losing it here isn’t going to help her. You need to keep it together—for her.”

Hongjoong’s shoulders slumped, the fight in him wavering as Maddie’s words sank in. He dragged a hand through his hair, his breath uneven as he tried to compose himself.

" joongie.." yn mumbled, watching their figure leave her sight.

december 15th, 2021

Hongjoong felt his heart swell, almost painfully so, as he watched Yn standing before him, her cheeks flushed from the crisp air and her laughter still echoing in his ears. She had this way of lighting up the world around her, making even the simplest moments feel extraordinary.

Her hair danced softly in the breeze, and the faint glow of the setting sun cast a golden halo around her. It was as though she belonged to this magical hour, a vision he couldn’t look away from.

“You’re staring,” Yn said with a teasing smile, her voice pulling him from his thoughts.

He blinked, a sheepish grin tugging at his lips. “Can you blame me?” he replied, his voice soft but filled with sincerity.

Yn rolled her eyes, though her cheeks grew warmer under his gaze. “You’re ridiculous,” she murmured, but there was no hiding the affection in her tone.

“Maybe,” Hongjoong admitted, taking a step closer to her. “But only when it comes to you.”

Yn bit her lip, trying to fight the smile threatening to break through, but she couldn’t. He always had a way of disarming her, of making her feel like the most important person in the world.

Hongjoong reached out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, his touch warm against her skin. “You’re incredible, Yn,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Yn leaned forward, her heart racing as she closed the distance between them, her lips meeting Hongjoong’s in a soft, tender kiss. The world seemed to pause, the cool evening air wrapping around them as their connection deepened.

Hongjoong’s initial surprise melted into warmth, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he kissed her back. Their shared laughter mingled into the moment, light and full of affection, as if they couldn’t help but revel in the joy they found in each other.

His arms circled her waist, pulling her closer, while her hands rested gently against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was as if they were silently promising each other that this—whatever they were building together—was real, solid, and theirs to cherish.

When they finally pulled back, their foreheads rested against each other, both of them grinning like they’d just shared the best secret in the world.

Hongjoong tugged her hand into his pocket, " come on i have something to show you love"

Yn looked around the dimly lit warehouse, her eyes adjusting to the faint glow filtering through the dusty windows. The place was far from glamorous—cracked walls, old boxes stacked haphazardly, and cobwebs clinging to the rafters—but there was something charming about it. It was raw, unpolished, and full of potential, much like the dream Hongjoong and his band had been chasing.

" this is going to be the band's place - we finally got approval from our managment,"

Her hand remained snug in his pocket, and she could feel the warmth of his fingers against hers as he gazed at her with barely contained excitement.

“Really?” she asked, her voice tinged with awe. “This is going to be yours?”

Hongjoong nodded, his grin wide and proud. “Ours,” he corrected. “The band’s. But yeah. Management finally approved it. We’ve been saving up and negotiating for months.”

He stepped forward, spreading his arms out as if envisioning what the space could become. “Just imagine it, Yn. Our gear set up right here, a recording booth there. A space where we can practice, record, baby it's going to be amazing.”

Yn stepped closer, her eyes scanning the empty space with a growing sense of excitement. Hongjoong’s vision was infectious, and she could already imagine the transformation: the sound of music filling the air, the hum of creativity bouncing off the walls. It wasn’t much yet, but it was theirs.

“I can already see it,” Yn said, a smile tugging at her lips. “I can hear the music echoing through here. It’s going to be so good.”

Hongjoong’s eyes lit up at her response, his hands moving as he spoke, like he was sketching out the dream in the air. “And imagine this corner for the band’s merch, some cozy spots for us to relax after long sessions, and of course”—he grinned—“a place where you can come play your cello whenever you want.”

Yn's chest tightened with emotion, her gaze softening as she looked at Hongjoong, feeling a rush of warmth flood through her. The way he spoke about her cello, the way he included her in his dreams, made her heart swell in a way she hadn't expected. The love she had for him was so deep, so unwavering, it was as if her entire world revolved around him.

She blinked rapidly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over, but it was no use. They welled up, catching the light in her eyes as she took a step closer to him, her hand still held tightly in his. Hongjoong smiled at her, cupping her cheeks as he pulled her close to him.

Hongjoong’s touch was gentle but steady, his hands cradling her face as he pulled her closer, their breaths mingling in the quiet space. Yn’s heart fluttered as she gazed into his eyes, the weight of her feelings for him settling deeply in her chest. Every moment, every word, every small gesture from him made her feel more seen, more understood, than she ever had before.

In that moment, surrounded by the rough edges of the warehouse, they both knew one thing for sure—no matter where life took them, they would always have each other. And together, they would make every dream, every note, every moment count.

january 29th, 2022

Yn stood at the front, just a few feet away from the stage, her heart racing with excitement and pride. Hongjoong was right there, his fingers moving effortlessly over the strings of his guitar as he played with all his passion. Jongho’s voice soared through the venue, harmonizing perfectly with San, who added his own energy to the song. The crowd was electrified, cheering, screaming, and dancing as the music reverberated through the air.

Yn’s eyes were locked on Hongjoong, his face lit up with a grin as he caught her gaze from the stage. There was something about seeing him up there, so alive and so in his element, that made her heart swell with admiration. He wasn’t just a musician; he was a force, a person who had worked so hard to get to this point, and now he was sharing it with the world.

The energy of the room was contagious, and as the beat dropped, the crowd lost their minds, jumping and clapping in perfect rhythm. The sound was overwhelming, but all Yn could focus on was the way Hongjoong moved on stage, the way he made it all look so effortless. He was doing what he loved, and she couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of pride and joy for him.

As the song built to its climax, Hongjoong’s eyes met hers again, and he gave her a subtle nod, as if to say, This is for you too. Yn’s heart skipped a beat, the connection between them even more intense than before. The crowd was screaming, but in that moment, it felt like it was just the two of them, sharing something beautiful.

Yn fumbled with her fingers nervously, her gaze flickering between the boys as they loaded their gear into the van. The sound of laughter and conversation filled the air, but her thoughts kept drifting to how much her heart raced in anticipation. She could see the boys—Hongjoong, Jongho, San, and the rest of the band—smiling, their faces lit up with the excitement of a successful show. Yet, she felt a nervous flutter in her chest.

Hongjoong caught her eye from across the parking lot and flashed her a wide grin, his energy infectious. He had just finished talking to some of the crew members but immediately made his way over to her.

"Hey," he greeted warmly, pulling her into a quick but tender hug. The weight of his arms around her made her feel grounded, despite the chaos around them. "You good?" he asked, his voice low, filled with concern but also affection.

Yn nodded, trying to hide the anxiety that still simmered in her stomach. "Yeah, so proud of you baby!"

Hongjoong chuckled, placing his case on the ground as he pulled her to the side. " hey, what's wrong?"

Hongjoong stepped closer, his brow furrowing in concern as he gently cupped her face, making her meet his gaze. "You don’t have to hide it, Yn," he said softly, his thumb brushing across her cheek. "Talk to me. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

His words, his tone, made her heart flutter, but the anxiety still lingered. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before speaking again. " i applied to julliard "

Hongjoong's breath caught in his throat, his mind racing to process what Yn had just said. He took a step back, trying to read her face, but all he saw was a mix of uncertainty and fear.

" julliard..wow," His voice was softer than he intended, but the shock was clear. His heart felt heavy, the weight of her words pressing down on him. He had always known how talented she was, but hearing her mention Julliard—one of the most prestigious music schools in the world—took him by surprise.

Yn nodded, her eyes avoiding his gaze. she gulped, " i got an audition, in seoul. i go next week and i was wondering if you'll go with me.."

" that's in new york yn,"

Hongjoong’s words hung in the air, heavy with the reality of the situation. New York. It felt like miles away, a world apart from everything they had here. He was torn between wanting to support her and the gnawing feeling in his stomach, knowing what it could mean for their relationship.

Yn fidgeted with her hands, her heart racing. “I know. I just... I can’t go alone, Hongjoong. This is everything to me, and I want you there. To help me through it, to support me like you always do.”

Her voice trembled slightly, and Hongjoong could hear the vulnerability in it, the fear of taking this huge step alone. His heart ached for her, for how hard this decision must have been.

" i-i can't baby... our manager signed us up for a gig next week and i-.."

yn felt her heart drop and hongjoong saw it in her face. The guilt crept up in him as yn nodded her head, swallowing the tears that wanted to drop. Hongjoong’s heart clenched as he saw the way her smile wavered, her sadness barely hidden behind the façade she put on. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, the way her shoulders sagged slightly, as if the weight of the situation was starting to settle in.

She smiled at him, " that's okay..it was kind a sprung up on you last minute."

Hongjoong's heart ached as he heard her try to downplay it. He could see through her words, the way she was trying to make it seem like it didn’t hurt, but he knew better. He gently reached for her hand, squeezing it softly.

febuary 20th, 2023 5:25pm

Hongjoong couldn’t keep still. His eyes darted around the waiting room, his mind racing a thousand miles a minute. His fingers were nervously gnawing at his nails as he paced back and forth. His thoughts kept circling back to Yn.

The rest of the band was quiet, some of them half asleep, clearly exhausted from the long day. But for Hongjoong, sleep was impossible. His heart was in his throat, each minute feeling like an eternity as he waited for any word on her condition.

He glanced over at Mingi, who was half sitting, half laying across a row of chairs, trying to catch some rest. Yunho was dozing with his head resting on his arms, while Seonghwa sat upright, clearly as restless as Hongjoong, though he was trying to keep his composure.

"Why isn’t there any news yet?" Hongjoong muttered to himself, pacing faster. He could hear the soft hum of the fluorescent lights above, the sound of muffled voices down the hall, but it all felt distant. His mind kept replaying the last moments he spent with Yn before she left for the audition, how everything had felt so normal, so right.

His heart skipped as he thought about her walking through those doors, the joy in her eyes when she spoke of her dreams, and how much he wanted to be there by her side through it all.

The door to the waiting room creaked open, and Hongjoong snapped his head towards it. A nurse stepped inside, her expression unreadable. His breath hitched as he took a step forward with yn's mother and father.

“How is she?” yn father asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The nurse paused, giving a small, empathetic look before answering. “She’s stable for now. The next few hours are critical. She’s been through a lot, but the doctors are doing everything they can.”

Hongjoong breathe hitched in his throat as Maddie looked at him. Hongjoong left, tears streaming down his face as he left, his chest tightening as maddie trailed behind him.

Hongjoong’s legs felt like they were made of lead as he staggered out of the waiting room, the words of the nurse echoing in his ears. Stable for now. His heart was pounding, a rhythmic beat of fear that seemed to sync with the deep ache in his chest. The weight of her words hung heavy over him, every step feeling like it might crush him beneath its gravity.

His vision blurred with unshed tears, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting to her, making sure she was okay. He didn’t even know where he was going, just that he needed to move, needed to do something.

“Maddie, stay back,” he croaked, trying to steady his breath as he rounded a corner. But Maddie’s footsteps were right behind him, firm and determined, just like her.

“I’m not leaving you alone,” she said, her voice low but insistent. She caught up to him, grabbing his arm as he tried to push forward. “You can’t do this alone, Hongjoong. Let me help.”

He shook his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand as he looked at her, eyes filled with pain and guilt. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve gone with her. This is my fault.”

“Stop,” Maddie said, her voice firmer now as she stepped in front of him. “It’s not your fault, Hongjoong. No one could’ve predicted this.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm the storm inside of him, but the thoughts were too overwhelming. The image of her, smiling and excited just hours before, was burned into his mind. The memory of their last words together—so full of hope and love. And now, here he was, standing in the hospital corridor, unable to protect her.

“I don’t even know if she’s going to wake up,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I can’t lose her, Maddie. I can’t.”

Maddie reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, her grip strong and reassuring. “She’s strong, Hongjoong. And so are you. Whatever happens, you won’t be alone in this. You have us. You have me.”

Hongjoong nodded, trying to find some semblance of strength in her words. He swallowed the lump in his throat, a shaky breath escaping his lips.

" did she make it ? into julliard?" hongjoong asked, his voice cracking.

Maddie shook her head no, " she was supposed to get a letter today..so we don't know,"

feburary 27th, 2023 10:30am

" yn ln "

yn breathe hitched as she looked at Maddie who gave her an encouraging smile.

" you got this, go geek out on stage " maddie said, smiling widely at her.

Yn nodded her head as she stepped onto the stage. She let out a breathe. As she sat on the chair, she brought her bow out and began to play.

The moment her bow touched the strings, everything else fell away. The world, the crowd, the noise—everything blurred into the background as Yn's focus locked solely onto the cello in her hands. She felt the music rise within her, each note flowing like a wave of emotions she hadn't realized she was holding onto.

The sound filled the room, vibrant and alive. It was as if every chord was an extension of herself, her heart beating through the cello’s strings. The bow moved fluidly, her fingers finding their way effortlessly as she sank into the music, the rhythm pulsing through her veins.

She wasn’t just playing. She was alive in the moment, her soul dancing with every note. The audience was captivated, entranced by the passion that poured from her. And in that moment, Yn could feel it—the connection between herself and the music, a bond that no words could describe.

As the bow glided across the strings, the music swelled, carrying her higher with each note. Yn felt weightless, as if the melody itself were lifting her onto a cloud. The world outside her cello didn’t exist, not the aching silence from Hongjoong nor the uncertainty that had plagued her since their last conversation. Here, on stage, she felt whole.

But even as she poured her soul into the music, a bittersweet ache lingered in the back of her mind. The absence of his voice, his laughter, his reassuring words—it all weighed on her. She hadn’t heard from him since she told him about the audition, and the void he left felt like a quiet, unspoken goodbye.

Still, as her fingers danced over the strings, she let herself believe for a moment that the music could reach him, wherever he was. That maybe, just maybe, he’d hear it and understand everything she couldn’t put into words. That this was her love, her passion—and it didn’t mean there wasn’t room for him too.

The final note lingered in the air, a perfect echo of her feelings: raw, vulnerable, and yearning.

feburary 20th, 2023 10pm

Hongjoong's breath hitched as he stepped into the room. The sterile smell of antiseptic and the rhythmic beeping of monitors filled the air, a stark contrast to the life and energy that always surrounded Yn. She lay there, her face pale against the stark white of the hospital sheets, her frame seemingly smaller, more fragile than he remembered.

It was like the world had stopped turning.

His knees threatened to give way as he approached her bed, the weight of his emotions almost too much to bear. Hongjoong clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay upright, to be strong for her even when every part of him felt like crumbling.

“Yn,” he whispered, his voice cracking. He reached out, his trembling hand gently brushing a strand of hair from her face. The sight of her like this, hooked up to machines, her chest rising and falling so faintly—it was unbearable.

He sank into the chair beside her, clasping her hand in his, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. Hongjoong pressed his lips firmly against her knuckles, the warmth of her skin faint but enough to keep hope alive. His tears fell freely, dripping onto their joined hands as he clung to her, his heart breaking with every shallow rise and fall of her chest.

Yn froze as she stood beside him, her translucent figure mirroring the stillness of the room. She watched in disbelief as Hongjoong reached into his pocket, pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope. Hongjoong’s fingers trembled as he unfolded it, his tear-streaked face softening as he read the letter. His voice cracked as he began to read aloud, the words carrying through the room like a whisper meant just for her.

“You got in... you’re going to Juilliard, Ynnie,” he repeated, his tears falling freely, dripping onto the crisp paper. His grip on the acceptance letter was tight, as if holding onto it would somehow keep her tethered to this world.

Yn’s ghostly figure stood frozen beside him, her eyes wide and glistening as she took in the moment. Her voice cracked, though he couldn’t hear it. “I got in...?” she whispered, her ethereal form trembling. “I really got in...”

Hongjoong nodded to no one in particular, as though responding to her unspoken words. "You did it," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "You’re incredible, Yn. I always knew you would make it."

The weight of his love and regret was almost tangible, filling the room like a storm about to break. "You worked so hard for this," he continued, clutching the letter against his chest. "I should’ve been there for you, cheering you on, not stuck in my own head. I’m sorry I wasn’t. But I’m so damn proud of you."

Yn reached out, her hand hovering inches above his tear-streaked face, wishing desperately that she could comfort him. “Hongjoong...” she murmured, her voice shaking. “I wish you could hear me.”

The stillness of her body in the hospital bed mirrored her helplessness. The machines beeped steadily, indifferent to the emotional storm in the room. And yet, Hongjoong’s words, his raw, vulnerable love, seemed to reach something deep inside her.

The faintest flicker of movement stirred in her fingertips, unnoticed by either of them—but it was there.

Hongjoong’s voice trembled as he spoke, his chuckle brittle with the weight of his emotions. He shoved the letter back into his pocket, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. “I’m sorry for ignoring you, Yn,” he said softly, his gaze locked on her still form in the hospital bed. “I got so scared... I didn’t know how to handle it. You were chasing this huge dream, and I... I didn’t know if I’d be enough to keep up.”

He laughed bitterly, tears slipping down his cheeks as he sat back in the chair, gripping her hand tightly. “I thought maybe if I stayed distant, it would hurt less if things fell apart. But it didn’t. It only made everything worse. I pushed you away when I should’ve been holding on tighter.”

Yn’s spirit stood frozen beside him, her translucent figure trembling as she listened to his confession. “Hongjoong...” she whispered, though her voice couldn’t reach him. Her heart ached at the sight of his raw regret, the tears he tried to hide, the way he clung to her hand as if it were his lifeline.

“I was so stupid,” he continued, his voice cracking. “You deserved someone better—someone who would have stood by your side no matter what. But I was scared of losing you to the world. And now... now I’m scared I’ve lost you for good.”

Yn’s gaze darted to her body in the bed, her fingers unmoving, her chest rising and falling with the rhythm of the machines. Her ethereal form shimmered as she stepped closer to him, desperate to bridge the gap between them.

“You haven’t lost me,” she murmured, her voice breaking. “I’m still here... I’m trying to come back to you.”

As if sensing something, Hongjoong leaned forward, his head bowed over her hand. “Please, Yn,” he whispered. “If you can hear me, if there’s any part of you that can feel this... come back to me. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

The sudden rush of air into her lungs was startling, as if she’d been submerged underwater and finally broke through the surface. Yn gasped, her ghostly form snapping back into her body with a jolt. The darkness that had surrounded her felt heavy, but the warmth radiating from Hongjoong’s touch lit a spark deep within her.

Her fingers twitched again, this time more deliberately, and then her eyelids fluttered. A small groan escaped her lips, hoarse and barely audible, but enough to send Hongjoong reeling back in shock.

“Yn?”

205 notes · View notes