#general bluetooth device

[queers-gambit]

The Blood of the Covenant

prompt: ( requested ) being raised alongside the Twins, you naturally fell on path to become a contract killer - much to Tangerine's chagrin. when you're recruited onto the Bullet Train, too, emotions cum into play - get it?

pairing: Tangerine x female!assassin!reader

fandom masterlist: Bullet Train

word count: 9.4k+

note: this isn't very good, i'm very sorry.

warnings: codename Olive 'cause it's cute, cursing, Lord's name in vain, mild spoilers, AU timeline (obviously), Tan is still Aaron, Lem is still Brian, emotional confessions, mild depiction of violence, very short and poorly written smut, canon-typical violence, mentions of blood, needles / weaponized venom [The Hornet], and dead bodies.

"So, you get on the train, you find the Twins, and you get off - it's easy," Constance, your handler, scolded through the phone. "Seriously, why are you so nervous? It's like the most lowkey job you've ever been assigned."

"Yeah, you're just forgetting the part where I have to locate some generic looking briefcase on this God forsaken train, make sure they have the White Death's son, then get them all off - "

"Okay, see, now you're making it all complicated," Constance laughed again. "C'mon, Olive, tell me the truth."

"What truth?"

"You're nervous," she sang in your ear.

"No shit, I'm nervous!" You snapped, connecting the bluetooth device and shoving your phone in your pocket as the train jetted into the station. "Do you have a good reason I shouldn't be?"

"Um, how about the fact that you guys grew up in the orphanage together, making you practically family, and that they're gonna be overjoyed to see you?"

"Yeah, right!" You laughed, "You don't know the guys, and it's been, like, 4 years since I've seen them. They're scary overprotective and if they know what I'm doing professionally, they'll probably handcuff me to one of them and deliver me to some nunnery."

"Are those even a thing anymore?"

"Fuck if I know," you snorted.

"You're overthinking, Olive, just breathe," she advised. "Look, the intel is good. The White Death is up to something and if you wanna see the Twins alive, you need to get them off the train."

"Cool, so fuck the case and the son?"

"Nope, you wanna get paid, you gotta grab them, too."

You sighed, the train doors opening. "Well, here goes fucking nothing..."

"I've literally never heard you this nervous, it's kinda cute."

"Constance, is there a reason we're still on the phone?" You asked, nodding at the people you passed and excusing yourself as you searched the train cars slowly.

"I wanna hear how this goes!"

"Call you when I have the payloads, 'mmkay?"

"No," she whined, "c'mon, lemme hear the reunion!"

"Goodbye, Constance, as always, you're a giant pain in my ass."

"Oh, like you're a basket of roses. Fine, go, deprive me of this. Fucking killjoy!"

"Talk soon - and if not, I'm probably shot."

"Well, just... Don't get shot?"

"Spot-on advice, love."

"You'd be lost without me."

"Bye, you idiot."

"Seriously, don't get shot!"

Disconnecting the call, you chuckled to yourself and dodged around a family. However, right behind them was a man in a bucket hat and thick black framed glasses carrying a silver briefcase, who bumped your shoulder. "Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am," he instantly apologized in English.

"No worries," you smiled, nodding at him. "Have a nice ride."

"You, too," he nodded back, and you turned to continue on your way, missing the way the man eyed you - and gulped when he caught sight of the gun in your waistband. He scurried on his way.

You entered another train car, pausing to take a long breath as you surveyed the patrons. You moved onto the next section, the train rocketing into motion. However, as you approached the next set of doors, you gasped and skirted to a halt when two men lingered in the connection.

"Oh - what the bloody fuck are you doing here!?" Aaron snapped instantly.

"Well, hello to you, too, love," you grumbled with a curled lip.

"Hi, doll!"

You grinned at Brian, greeting him with enthusiasm; offering a giant hug, him kissing your cheek noisily. "So good to see you," you told him when you pulled back.

"Tan," Brian snapped, glaring at him as he gestured at you. "C'mon, mate, don't be like this - 's been years!"

"Yeah, Tan," you pouted dramatically.

"You even know what Tan stands for?" Brian snickered.

"Nope."

"Tangerine," then he pointed at himself, "Lemon."

Aaron's blue eyes rolled, sighing deeply before nodding. "Right, right, c'mere, then, you," he opened his arms, and when you stepped into his embrace, you swear, it was like returning home. After a beat, you felt his arms tighten and his nose press into your neck, subtly inhaling; making you give him a tighter squeeze.

"Oh, Jesus, all right, c'mon, I'm standing right here," Lemon groaned, you and Tan parting, but only saddling beside him with his arm around your neck and yours anchored around his waist.

"So," you chirped, shifting your body weight, "you two have the case, I assume? And the Son - "

"Oh, you've gotta be fuckin' joking," Tangerine snapped, glaring at you as you grinned mischievously. "How's it you know about any of that?"

"She's on assignment, felt the gun when I hugged her," Lemon snickered as if it were common knowledge. "How long you've been working, love? Why didn't you ring us? Talk to us 'bout this?"

"I needed to?"

"No, but just for a bit of a catch-up?" Lemon shrugged. "You know, tell us you're doin' some dangerous job instead of teaching? Aren't you supposed to be a teacher now?"

"This pays better."

"Not gonna get paid a single dime, the fuck's wrong with you?" Tan snapped, dropping the arm from your neck to round on you in anger. "You're seriously on a job?"

"Mhm," you hummed with a smile. "And why won't I see a dime, exactly?"

"'Cause you're not doin' this fuckin' job, love, for fuck's sake!"

"Tan, just calm down," Lemon sighed, holding a hand to him as the man with a pornstache paced in a small circle; wiping a hand around his mouth. "Love? What's the job you're on?"

"Mh," you nodded, "well, 's a bit unprofessional to tell you, but fuck it. I'm to collect the case, grab the White Death's son, and get you two off this fucking train."

"Oh - for fuck's - "

"Tan!" Lemon laughed. "Mate, take a breath! She's obviously qualified if she's made it this far, got this assignment."

You grinned, "You ever hear rumors about that shit that went down in Medellín?"

"Don't tell me," Lemon gasped. "That was you?"

"Most of it wasn't intentional, but I'm pretty good at improvising," you teased. "Anyways, I heard about Bolivia, you two are certainly making names for yourselves, aren't yah?"

"Well," Lemon smiled bashfully, waving you off.

"Right, so, we're approaching the next station," you pointed out, clasping your hands in front of you and smiling, "so, where's the Son?"

"Oh, uh, up there," Lem pointed to the next train car.

"Mhm, good, good, good, and the case?" There was an awkward silence as Lemon and Tangerine exchanged long looks. "Hey? Where's the case, Brian - I mean, Lemon?"

"Well, uh... Funny thing, yeah?" He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

"Tan? Sweetheart?" You smiled prettily, reaching for his hand to halt his pacing, "Where's the case?"

"It's..." Tan trailed, seeing Lemon shaking his head vigorously from behind you. He sighed when he met your sweet eyes and admitted, "It got lifted, love."

"Oh, you fuckin' simp," Lemon groaned.

"What? Wanted me t'lie? She's got that sixth sense for that shit, mate!" Tangerine defended.

"No, you're just whipped!"

"She's looking for the same bloody case, she'd know eventually!"

You let go of Tan's hand to answer your ringing phone, holding a finger to them both, "Hey, Constance, now's not a great time."

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing, just reuniting with the lads," you eased. "I'll call you when we have the case and kid, and are off the train, all right? And if I don't - "

"Yeah, yeah, you're shot. Fine, just..." She sighed. "Listen, you three aren't the only ones on assignment."

"Hmm?" You perked your brows.

"Yeah, so, Maria's got an agent in the field. Also, I just got intel that the Wolf's there, no idea why. The Hornet, too."

"You're fuckin' joking, right?"

"Nope. They popped up on our travel itineraries. They used pseudonyms naturally, but we have their records."

"Fuck me, all right... All right, yeah, we'll handle it."

"No, don't handle anything! Remember Rome!?"

"Rome wasn't my fault!" You snapped, taking a deep breath. "But it did piss the Hornet off, we'll be careful."

"Get off the fucking train, Olive!"

"When the packages are secured, love, yeah, all right, gotta go, bye-bye now!"

"Olive - "

You hung up and put your phone in your back pocket, sighing at the Twins. "Well, this just got more interesting. We aren't the only ones on this job," you frowned.

"What?" Lem's face dropped.

"Wait, what happened in Rome?" Tangerine asked, offering you his signature look of annoyance: a frown and pinched brows.

"Oh, nothing that was my doing," you waved off. "So, to recap, the case is missing, but the Son is secured?"

"Zip tied to his seat," Lemon nodded.

"Mhm, and where was the case?"

"I had it stashed, but..." He eyed the luggage tossed around the compartment.

"Now, it's gone. Okay, okay," you nodded, "so, just for future reference, don't stash the goods, all right? Terribly unprofessional, darling."

"Yeah," he nodded sadly.

"Oh, so when she says it - "

"She doesn't get all smart with me!" Lemon cut Tangerine off with a warning finger as he paced in the compartment. "The fuck do we do? We just passed the station - the fucker could've gotten off - I mean!"

"Easy," you spoke softly, but the panic was set between the two. You sighed when Lemon turned frantic, leaning back on the wall as Tangerine stood beside you.

"No, no, look, we got his son," Lemon reminded. "That was our job."

Tangerine shared a look with you, making you chide, "Stay calm. You get nowhere bein' so up-tight." His expression melted into something close to reprimanding, but he sighed and faced Lemon.

"Our job was to come back with his son and his $10 million. Three words to describe our situation right now, do you know what they are?"

Lemon glared, "Sure do." Then held up three fingers, dropping one for each word, "Saved - his - son. Hmm? Family's more important than money, right?"

"Do you honestly not know who the White Death is?"

"Yeah, I know who the White Death is. You just told me five minutes ago," Lemon snipped, making you sigh as he rambled an explanation.

"Why do I even bothering forwarding you the briefings?" Tan interrupted, exasperated by the entire ordeal.

There was a pause and Lemon replied softly, almost sheepishly, "I do not know. You get briefings, love?"

"Mhm, but my handler likes giving me the CliffNotes," you eased with a small shrug.

When Tangerine turned from you two to face the train's door, staring out the window, you and Lemon shared a look - his hand raising as if to wave off Tan's theatrics. In return, you just held a placating hand to him, letting Tangerine start his story about the White Death. When he got through his tale, he took a long breath, sighing deeply, musing as he turned back to you both, "So, let me put this bluntly. There's this soulless, psychotic leader with the largest criminal organization on the planet," then his hands dramatically gestured, "shoved right inside our fucking arse cheeks."

Lemon stared at his partner and then, too, mused, "That motherfucker's definitely a Diesel, then, isn't he?"

"You mention Thomas the Tank Engine one more time, I'm gonna shoot you in the fucking face," Tangerine snapped.

"No, no, he won't, Brian," you stepped in, standing between the two, glancing between them.

"'S Lemon when on the job, love."

"All right, sure, my apologies, Lemon," you agreed, "but he's not gonna shoot you." Lemon hummed and pointed at you in triumph, mocking Tangerine, making you scold, "No, don't do that, either. Your attitude gets us nowhere, right, lads?"

Lemon nodded at you before looking to Tan, asking, "Okay, okay, if-if-if-if he's such a badarse, how come he hired three random operators instead of getting his son back himself?"

"I wasn't hired by the White Death," you smiled, reaching a hand to Tangerine's to hold tightly when you saw his fuse about to blow. "And, you see, he had a wife, Lem."

"What? He had a wife?"

"Yeah," you nodded, ignoring Tan's impending meltdown, "and she was the most important thing in his life, and she died in a car crash. Some reports say it was an accident, some drunk driver... And others say it was an assignation attempt." You missed the look Tangerine sent you, looking you up and down, relating to the 'most important thing' comment. "But since then, he's not left the compound," you finished.

"An unnamed locomotive might say there's a lesson to be learned," Lemon quipped, irritating Tangerine.

"And you know what? He didn't hire three - or two," Tan amended, nodding at you, "random operators, Lemon. No, he asked for the best. He asked for the two responsible for the Bolivia job. He asked for pros, who wouldn't fuck up... Three words, Lemon, and now, you, too, sweetheart," he sneered at you. "We - are - "

"Fucked," Lemon finished.

"Oi, listen here, you two Debbie Downers, Christ, all right? Every situation can be remedied," you assured. "Yeah, this is - this isn't ideal, but between us three, we can figure something out. Yeah? Talkin' about you two bein' the best," you squeezed Tan's hand, "surely we can figure something out. C'mon, when do we give up?"

Lemon cocked his head, asking, "All right. Yeah, sure, but what's your codename? Can't go 'round callin' you your government. Would blow our covers."

"Olive," you smiled brightly, Tangerine scoffing. "Fuck off," you snapped instantly.

"Right, well, Olive's right," Lemon deflected, not giving Tan time to retort. He reached out to adjust Tan's suit lapel and tie, "We rescued his fucking son. Huh? We find the fucker who took the briefcase, make things right, be like it never happened," he laid out for you two, and when you tired to release his hand, Tangerine held on tighter - not letting you go.

Tangerine took a deep breath in, letting it out as he pulled out his gun with his free hand, flipping it open, checking the full round of bullets present, and snapping it closed before storing it again. He glanced at you before asking Lemon, "Still got that vest on yah?"

"No, vests give you a false sense of security," Lemon answered. "You might, like, get shot in the neck."

"Yeah, it also stops you from getting shot in the chest, but I guess you missed that episode of Thomas, did'yah?" Tan quipped, not letting Lemon time to answer because he looked at you again. "Bein' said, you are gonna stay put, doll face."

"Excuse the fuck outta me?"

"Heard me," he snapped. "You're sitting this one out."

"I don't remember being hired by you," you dropped his hand to cross your arms. "You don't get a say in what I do - this isn't like back in the group home where you two bossed me 'around, playin' big brother."

"It's exactly like that, 'cause we've been doin' this a helluva lot longer - "

"And I was still hired to do this job, so, I suggest you shut the fuck up and watch yourself."

"I'm tryna keep you safe!"

"We're not children anymore, Aaron!" You snapped. "You don't get to dictate what I do anymore! Christ, all right? I was hired for this job, just like you two, so you can either get with the program and we work together, or just shut the fuck up - 'cause I'm not sitting a Goddamn thing out!"

"Jesus fuck, could cut the sexual tension between you two with a fucking plastic spoon." Lemon scoffed, rolling his eyes; earning two identical glares for either of you. "Fine, whatever, keep denying whatever this is - but look, you two done?" Lemon sighed, and when you nodded, he nodded back. "Right - nut up or shut up, bruv."

You went to follow Lemon out, but Tan snagged your arm before you got a step too far. He kept you at his side, laying your arm in the crook of his, and in-sync, he and Lemon fluffed their outerwear as you three stalked up the train aisle. You licked the pad of your thumb and wiped a bit of grime from the corner of Tan's mouth, his smirk directed at you as you approached the Son secured in his seat.

"Well, so, slight change of plans," Tan announced when you reached the seating. Lemon reached out to alert the seemingly sleeping Son, but the movement of his shoulder caused the lad's head to lull towards you three - making each of you recoil instantly.

"Oh!" You three groaned in union, seeing the rivers of blood streaming down the Son's eyes. He was dead as a doornail, some would say.

You stood watch as Tan and Lem leaned in closer to observe the dead body, Lemon commenting, "First his wife, now his son? That's a lot of white deaths."

Tangerine took a deep breath in, you reaching out to squeeze his elbow. "Sit down," you hissed quietly, "before you draw attention to us standing around a fucking corpse!"

"You're on watch!" Tan shot back.

"Can't do shit if you two are just staring at him! Fuck's sake, sit! You're so suspicious, aren'y you meant to be an agent?"

You pushed Lemon into the seat next to the Son and then Tan into the seating beside the window so you could claim the outside seat beside him. "We gotta disguise the body," Tan whispered, whipping out his handkerchief. You watched him dab the material to his tongue, reaching across to start cleaning the blood while Lemon looked around for anything to help.

"Hang on, hang on," he rushed, Tan pausing when a souvenir cart was approaching and pushing the lad's head towards the window. "Could we get a pair of them glasses, please?" He asked the kind attendant. "They look real fun."

The pretty lady nodded and handed over the oversized toy glasses, Lemon forking over a simple note and insisting the change be kept. You thanked the attendant in her native language as she passed, and after doing a look up and down again, nodded, "All right, go."

"Any fuckin' idea what happened?" Lemon muttered.

"No," Tan snapped.

"Looks like The Hornet's work," you whispered. "Yeah, see, her specialty are poisons and venom, most notably, that of the Boomslang snake." You smirked, "Anyone see the news recently? A Boomslang went missing earlier..."

Tan pulled the lad's head back and continued cleaning the blood off, needing to raise outta his seat to finish the job. Lemon offered, "Here, mate, try these. They're them Momonga glasses."

"The fuck is a Momonga?" Tan sneered through a small panicked pant, taking the toy and settling them on the Son's face.

"Japanese anime kid's show," you offered softly.

"Comes on after Thomas every Thursday," Lemon rushed, gasping, "oh, shi - " when the Son's head dropped. Tan and Lem fixed him to look as if he was only sleeping by leaning his head on the window.

"Thought you two were masters of disguise?" You teased.

"Shut it, darling, please," Tan snipped with a sigh. "All right, we need to split up - there's a lot of train to cover."

"What're we doing?" You asked, standing when Tan gestured you out of the way.

"Gonna find whoever has the case - probably the same nut job who killed the kid," he seethed. "The Hornet, you said?" He asked, watching you nod. Standing as a trio in the middle of the train aisle, you three agreed to split up and search for the case, but Tan insisted you come with him, "as back-up."

"You seriously need it?" You chuckled.

"No, but I wanna keep an eye on yah," he rolled his eyes.

"Shouldn't someone stay with the body?" You wondered.

"He's not gonna get any deader."

"Is that even a word?" You asked Lemon, giggling when Tangerine rolled his eyes and snatched your hand to follow after him.

You and Tan had scoured the entire train, but had zero luck. The only direction the two of you had was from a young girl with a crisp bob haircut in first class, who told Tan she saw a man with black frame glasses with their desired case. Your mind flashed back to earlier, remembering the blonde man and how he had a briefcase. It must've been their briefcase.

He must've just lifted it when you boarded and accidentally ran into him. You hated how foolish you felt, but there was no way you could've known that was the case you were after. Still, you felt a pang of disappointment in yourself - some sick desire to impress your brothers with your skill, to prove to them you're capable of being in this line of work. That you weren't that little girl in the orphanage anymore, but a woman grown who was capable of making her own decisions and having greater purpose.

"Hey," you paused Tan in another connection that lead to the next train car, "you go ahead and update Lemon, I'm gonna pop into the loo."

"I'll wait," he nodded, his phone ringing. "Sorry, love, just a minute. 'S fucking business."

You only nodded and slipped into the bathroom, doing your business, washing your hands, and when you emerged, you jumped back slightly in shock when the Momonga mascot was standing right there in the doorway. You peaked to your right, and in the next train car, through the window, spied Tangerine on his phone, the car mostly empty to your left.

"You need in here?" You asked the mascot, but it just stared at you. "I mean, d-do you need help outta that God awful costume?" More silence. "Riiiight, well, this is weird as fuck. Soooo... I'm just gonna... Go..." You mumbled, slipping out of the bathroom, but was instantly blocked from Tan's view. "The fuck? Oi, c'mon, mate, my friend technically gave you the plushie back." More silence. "Look, you creepy motherfucker - "

But you gasped when the plush mascot shoved you backwards, forcing you to stumble into the automatic door leading to the empty train car - yelping when it opened and you fell backwards.

"Fuck! Goddamnit, that hurt," You snapped, rolling to your feet as the human-sized plushie waddled towards you; the back of your head throbbing from impact and the automatic doors closing to trap the pair of you. "What the fuck, mate? What'd I do? The fuck you want?"

When the oversized head was removed, your mouth went dry. "Remember me, bitch?" The Hornet seethed.

"Ah, fuckin' Christ."

The Hornet smirked, "You've seen my face, you know what that means? I gotta take you out. You've evaded me too long."

"Rome wasn't my fault!" You barked instantly, watching her begin to maneuver out of her costume.

"You got my partner killed, bitch!"

"It was an accident!"

"Bullshit, bitch!" She raged, shedding her mascot costume to reveal a train attendant's uniform - wondering how long she'd been waiting for this opportunity if she was prepared to this level. "You had a hit list, we were on it - "

"Oh, fuck off, as if you've never been given orders!"

Her neck cracked as she tossed the costume to an empty seat. "Time to get my revenge," she grit, "bitch."

"Learn some new insults, my God, you're so fuckin' boring. Throw in some 'cunts' or even call me a 'arsehole', just lay off the 'bitches'," your eyes rolled, dodging the Hornet's first flying fist and nearly stumbling off your feet. You exchanged blows, dancing around one another, grunting, growling, heaving for breath, trying to incapacitate the other. On a particularly hard push, the Hornet managed to dislodge your gun and send it under a set of seats.

"Not so tough now, are yah, bitch?" She laughed sarcastically.

You wiped a small dribble of blood from your lip, panting to heave your shoulders up and down. "All right, you asked for this. Bring it on - bitch!" You laughed right back, the Hornet lunging forward. However, you missed the way she pulled out a prefilled syringe and tried to stab you with it; luckily evading the injection.

"Know what's in here?" She taunted. "Boomslang venom! Yeah, that's right. Highly potent, hits your system in 30 seconds, making you bleed from every orifice - "

"I know, you stupid fucking wanker! I watch the bloody news! I went to college! I'm educated enough to know!"

The doors opened again, revealing Tangerine. "Fuckin' hell!" He snapped, "You all right, Olive!? Hey?"

"Stay back, Tan, this bitch is mine!"

The Hornet wailed as she launched at you again. You were battered and beaten, the other woman lobbing you into furniture, tables, and train walls - causing small cuts to form on your unblemished skin. Yet still, you barked at Tangerine to stay back, that you had this.

You and the Hornet ended up on the floor, trying to one up each other. However, luck was not on your side because the Hornet had you pinned and she simply dropped the syringe into the flesh of your hand. You didn't need to think too deeply, you just rolled over, snatched up the syringe, and stabbed her, too - exposing her to the venom by pushing the syringe's plunger. You both stared at one another with wide eyes, panting.

"30 seconds before the venom does its thing," you taunted, knowing that any good assassin kept the antidote on their person - just in case. Her eyes narrowed and tongue swept over her front teeth, weighing her options; eyes locked in a stalemate, daring the other to make the first move. Do nothing, you both die... Reveal the antidote, only one will die.

She reached into her breast pocket and pulled out a new syringe, you lunging for it with impressive lithe to stab into your neck and push the plunger. She seethed, "You bitch."

You stumbled back a step, colliding with Tan's chest as neither of you could look away as the Hornet's eyes went red with blood filling every cavern and crevice. "Oh, shit, that doesn't look good," you winced in fake sympathy. "You've got another syringe, right? A back-up?"

She warbled and wheezed, "What do you think, bitch?"

"What's with the whole bitch thing?" Tan asked in your ear. "She know any other words?"

You only shrugged as blood poured from the Hornet's eyes, filling her lungs to drown her from the inside. "No second antidote? Ah, that's just poor planning on your end, love," you taunted when the Hornet dropped to the ground, choking, blood leaking from her mouth. "I mean, you only carry one antidote? I thought you were supposed to be a professional? With your choice of weapon being venom, I mean," you laughed a little, "seems pretty stupid."

The Hornet continued to choke, trying to crawl up the aisle, but only getting a few feet before the effects of the venom took hold fully. She flopped onto her back, the blood congealing in a thick and tacky substance; staining the stolen uniform and floors of the train.

"What the fuck was that?" Tan snapped, turning you to face him. "Are you hurt!?" He worried, checking you over for visible sign of injury; finding two puncture wounds - one in your neck and one in your hand. You were decorated in soon-to-form bruises, but no bones were broken and you seemed relatively okay besides the small cuts.

"Tan," you soothed, placing your hand over his on your cheek. "I'm all right, I'm fine. She just caught me a little off guard."

"What the hell was that, huh? You got some kinda death wish, is it?"

"It's all part of the job!"

"Like hell, it is! This is why I didn't want you involved - "

"'Cause I could get hurt? Fuck's sake - "

"Yes, all right!" He exploded. "Yes, because you could get hurt! I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you, and look at yah now! I was on the fuckin' phone and you were fighting this... Wait, who the fuck is that?" Tan pointed at the dead body.

"Mh. The Hornet," you answered with a shrug. "She's been after me since Rome 'bout two years ago. I might be one of the very few who knows what she actually looks like - so, no wonder she wanted me dead. Plus... I might've allegedly, possibly, kinda-sorta got her partner killed. Turns out, he was also her lover and she's been after me since."

His head shook, "So now you have international enemies?"

"I mean, I guess it means I'm good at what I do - else they wouldn't bother to come after me."

"You shouldn't say that with pride! That's not how this works!"

"Tell me how you think it should work, then!"

Tangerine glared, "You shouldn't be involved. You worked too hard to become a teacher, to have a real career, and you threw it all away, for what? For this life?"

"What do you care, Aaron!? Honestly!? 'S been years, you just disappeared from my life! I don't think you have the right to boss me around anymore! We're not fuckin' kids anymore!"

He huffed a sharp exhale, "You seriously don't know? Really that fuckin' oblivious?"

"I can't read minds! Why don't you use your words like a big boy?"

Aaron, one of your longest standing friends and practically your family without blood, just nodded sadly. "I thought it would've been obvious by now," he sighed.

"What're you - "

"I love you," Tan interrupted. "Yeah? I fucking love you."

"Yeah, I know, and I love you, too, Aaron, but that doesn't - "

"No," he interrupted in a snap, face falling, "no, I meant that I'm in love with you. Jesus Christ," his hand wiped down his face, "been in love with you for years now. Maybe it started when you punched Tommy Jenkins in the nose when we were 16, maybe it started when we aged outta the orphanage and got our first apartment together. I don't know when I fell in love with you, but I know I am."

You paused, "A-Are you serious?"

"Deadly. But luckily you've already had a dose of antidote, eh?"

The chuckle you emitted was involuntary. But then, your irritation bubbled, asking, "Why hold it in all this time? And if you were in love with me, why not call? Why abandon me in the first place? I went four years - four, Tan! - without you and Lem, the two people I treasured the most, felt safe with, found a family in. Not a single one of my letters were returned; you deprived me of any phone call, not even a single text! You just disappeared from my life."

He bowed his head, "I had to leave, sweetheart. I couldn't keep yah around."

"Why? Tell me why right now, or we'll go another four years - "

"This job is dangerous, love, bit too dangerous in honesty. You know that, but to have emotional attachments only leads to error and a lot of hurt. I was trying to play it safe, thinking I was protecting you, because if any of our enemies knew how precious you are to me, they'd use you against me - they'd hurt you and I couldn't risk that."

"You can't protect me from everything," you whispered. "Aaron, you and Brian are my family, you always have been. Your whole life, you've protected me from the brutality of life, but you can't protect me from reality any longer. I'm sorry if me working upsets you, but I know what I'm doing, Aaron. I'm not fragile, I won't shatter."

"I know," he sighed, shaking his head. "I know it's irrational, love, but I can't go another day without you. I know it's been four years too long, I thought of you everyday, and never have I had such regret. Walking away from you, doll, it hurt worse than getting shot."

You sighed and avoided his eyes, admitting, "I like to think that in some twisted way, I entered this life in the hope that I'd run into you. Felt like the only way we could see each other since this line of work is so bloody unorthodox."

Tangerine sniffled, "I always wanted to come back, find yah again, but I couldn't risk it. I can't risk you. And listen, if you don't feel the same, that's all right, love, I know I just sprang this one you, but I just needed you to know - "

"Aaron, you need to stop shutting yourself down when you feel vulnerable," you sighed patiently, waiting for him to nod his head silently to indicate for you to continue. "Take a breath and listen to me." Another nod and you revealed, "I've been in love with you, too, since we were teens. I didn't want to disrupt what we have, so I stayed quiet. You and Brian - you're the only ones I care about, the only ones I want in my crazy, chaotic, unpredictable life. Too much time as already passed, we've missed so much, I don't want to miss another minute."

He crowded closer to you, both hands lifting to hold your cheeks and stare into your eyes. "Been waiting ages t'hear that," he whispered.

You smiled softly, "I love you, Aaron. Absolutely, maddeningly, unequivocally in love with you."

He chuckled and returned the sentiment, foreheads brought together before his breath fanned across your lips. He paused to give you time to reject him, but you boldly pushed yourself to meet his lips in a long-awaited kiss that set your heart and soul on fire. Mouths moved in sync, cheeky tongues mingled, teeth gently clanked together as you kissed passionately and without restraint. His hands dropped to hold your waist, your own curling around his neck to gently thread your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck; his curls feeling soft, moisturized, and bouncy.

You were rudely interrupted by your phone, Tan pulling back with a small smirk, "Gonna get that? Might be important."

"Promise 's just Constance," you grumbled, fishing for your phone and stepping away from Tan's embrace. "Hey, love," you greeted.

"Ah! Thank God! You're not shot yet!"

"No, not shot, just stabbed, earned a few bruises but I'm good," you snorted, looking under the seats to locate you gun. "What's up, why're you calling again, I told you I'd call you when I'm good."

"We have new intelligence."

"Lay it on me," you sent Tangerine a look; his face stoic, indicating he was listening intently.

"Your next stop is the last stop that the White Death's men aren't stationed at. If you wanna make a clean getaway, you gotta get off at the next stop. It's your last chance."

You winced, "Uh... About that, so, funny thing..."

"What did you do?"

"You always think the worst of me, I don't always do shit."

"Did you?"

You paused and glanced at the squashed Hornet, shrugging, "Not really, it's just not the cleanest job I've done."

"What happened?"

"You always assume the worst in me."

"You only prove me right."

You chuckled, "Yeah, all right, fair enough. Listen," you sniffled, turning to face Tan, "we don't have the case or the Son..."

"You better fucking find them. After this stop, all others are gonna be too hard to get off at. The White Death has men in position."

"Well... Funny thing, right," you winced, rubbing the back of your neck, "uh, so, it wasn't our fault, but the Son is dead. The Hornet got to him, used Boomslang venom, I got her after so you can register her as deceased."

"Oh, fucking Christ! You fuckin' serious? Please tell me this is just a bad joke."

"Why would I lie?"

You heard Constance take a deep long breath, knowing she was counting to ten in her head to keep her composure. "Okay, Olive, sweetheart," she spoke slowly, "tell me you know where the case is. Please. I need to hear the words."

"Pretty sure Maria's guy lifted it, but no confirmation yet."

"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ! Go fucking find him, get that case, and if you don't make the next stop, call me - there's always a backup plan."

"Let's just do Plan B, it'd save a helluva lotta time."

"Olive," Constance growled, "get the Twins, get the fucking case, and get off the fucking train before you all get fucking shot."

You nodded, "Yeah, all right, love, we're on it."

After hanging up, Tan mused, "So, how's Constance?"

"Uh, yeah, no, she's stressed," you cleared your throat. "Wait, how do you know her?"

"Our handler's collaborated with her before."

"Mhm... Okay, just listen, Aaron, I told you the White Death didn't hire me."

"Right."

"Meaning I need that case and I need you and Lem to get off this train with me. We're gonna get to a safe house - "

"No, no, love, we've our own agenda."

"The Son is dead, the case is missing, your job is literally fucked," you reminded sharply. "However, I can still make it worthwhile if we find the case and get off this train. C'mon, love," you pleaded, "you have to trust me. Please, just - don't go through with the last of this job, it's not gonna end well for anyone. But my way means we all get a chance at safety and keeping our lives."

His head shook, "We won't make it in time."

"We can try."

"We need to find Glasses first - and fucking Lemon."

You agreed.

"Looks like your luck's turned around, Joburg," Lemon sneered, the four of you coming to an agreement to take the case, leave the Son's body for the White Death to find, and get to your safe house.

"If it was up to me, we would've left him," Tangerine growled. "Seriously, love, why the fuck did we save him, too?"

"It was the right thing to do, we were all being set up," you explained, surveying the train station. "All right, c'mon, this way."

"So," Ladybug was heard, "you guys are, like, siblings?"

"Who? Us and Olive?" Lemon snickered, watching the blonde man nod. "Sure, mate, something like that."

"Seem real close, the way she risked her life for you two..."

"Well, they say the blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. 'Course we're gonna look after one another."

The three men followed you, Tangerine keeping a tight hold of the silver briefcase with a train sticker on the handle. When you made it outside the station without incident or interruption, there was a sleek Range Rover waiting at the curb - an old acquaintance of yours leaning on the grill.

"Olive!" The other agent greeted with a grin.

"Gouda," you returned with enthusiasm, hugging the man. "So nice to see you, thanks for doing this."

"Constance calls, I answer," he nodded, eyeing the three other agents behind you. "Huh... See you made some friends, did yah?"

"Something like that," you mused.

"How's it goin', Gouda?" Lemon asked, making your brows pinch.

"You know each other?" Your eyes shifted between the group.

"Unfortunately," Tangerine nodded with a sigh. "Mate..."

"Yeah, fuck you, too, Tangerine," Gouda sneered. "You know, Olive, your friend fuckin' shot me."

"Did you deserve it?"

Gouda paused, "Doesn't matter. All right, whatever, let's get goin', I'm supposed to get you to the safe house."

Everyone piled into the car, you in the passenger seat to give Gouda a rundown on the train's events. Why you needed the safe house. Why you got off before Kyoto, like was agreed upon. He agreed it was all a mess, telling you the team was still gathering information on the White Death's plan - something in motion that would've ended all your lives. Upon arriving at the safe house, you thanked Gouda, him telling you Constance would arrive in a few days to ensure you lot were smuggled out of the country - not trusting other methods as the White Death had associates planted everywhere.

The house was stalked fully with fresh food in the kitchen, a wall of racked weapons, money in a safe, and reinforced panic rooms in the event of an attack.

"Nice, very nice," Ladybug complimented, looking around the place. "Better than what we've got..."

"Pick your rooms, we'll be here a couple days. My handler's gonna work on getting us outta here without the White Death knowing. Maria negotiated terms for you, Mr. Bug, so you're staying with us."

Everyone spread out, finding the bedrooms fully equipped with new clothes and other necessities, like toiletries. Everyone was able to get long, hot showers, and eventually, when you exited the bathroom in a robe with a towel used to dry your hair, you found Lemon sitting on the living room couch - listening intently to the news report.

"Might wanna see this, love," Brian frowned, making room on the couch for you to sit.

"What's up?"

He nodded at the screen, you watching as a Japanese news station reported on a runaway bullet train that obliterated a local town. Your eyes widened, mindlessly translating the segment; Tangerine eventually joining you two. "What're you two watchin'?" He asked softly, standing behind the couch with his hands on your shoulders. From the opposite door that housed a few other bedrooms, Ladybug entered; the news catching his attention, too.

There was a tension in the air that couldn't be described.

"The White Death sent a fucking bullet train off the rails. All those innocent people..." You whispered, camera crews capturing the devastation and destruction caused. You realized, "He set us all up, he was gonna kill us all."

"Thank God for Constance. What the hell did we do to him, though?" Lemon wondered. "I mean, have any of us actually done a job for or against the White Death before?"

"No clue," Ladybug answered nervously, "but whatever we did, really pissed him off if that's his retaliation. What was the motive, though? Why put us all on the same mission? Same train?"

"Sounds like a vendetta," you answered, the room going silent as everyone contemplated your words. "C'mon, lads, 's been a day. Should get some shut eye."

"Yeah, yeah," Lemon sighed, "good idea. You'll let us know when Constance makes contact?"

You nodded in agreement, bidding them all a goodnight before heading for your designated room. It wasn't more than ten minutes later, you sat on the bathroom floor with an array of medical supplies spread around you in an effort to clean your wounds, when a knock sounded at your door. "Come in," you permitted, tending to a decent sized gash in your hairline.

"You all right?" Tangerine asked softly, leaning in the doorframe of your bathroom. He was dressed down in a pair of joggers and a black wife beater.

"Peachy keen, love."

"You know, this image, right here," he gestured to you, the blood drops on the pristine floor, and all the supplies you required, "is why I didn't want you involved."

You nodded slowly, "Yeah, but it's just the name of the game, you know?"

"Need help?"

"No, I'm about done," you sighed, tightening the gauze around your thigh, "but you can help me up, though."

He smirked and offered his hand, helping hoist you to your feet and sigh as he looked you over. You breezed past him, patting his chest under a blood-stained button up; entering your bedroom and dropping onto the bed to rub your tired feet. You watched Tan follow you, a question on the tip of his tongue that couldn't quite take form.

But Tangerine was a man of action, so he abandoned his words and knelt in front of you; caressing your jaw and cheek to sweep his thumb over the apple of your cheek. You were ready to question his unusually soft demeanor when he leaned in and pressed a sultry kiss to your lips - sucking the breath from your lungs.

You hummed in contentment when he pulled back with a small smirk, whispering, "Been wanting t'do that for ages."

"Took you long enough," you breathed, surging forward to wrap your arms securely around his neck and meet in a messy, passionate kiss that made both your heads spin.

Slowly, you felt Tan rise from his position and moved back on the bed to give him room to crawl over you; kiss never ceasing, only a tangled mess of lips, tongue, and teeth. You moaned with greed when his tongue swept against the seam of your lips, being granted access, letting your mouth mingle and dance together in unbridled passion you weren't even aware Aaron could harness.

"Fuck," you whimpered when he detached from your mouth and started down your neck; licking, scraping his teeth, creating a legion of markings as he went. After years of loving him at a distance, this entire ordeal felt surreal; as if in a dream or alternate universe. His hands squeezed your waist before drifting downward, caressing your hips, hoisting your uninjured leg up his hips before grinding his swelling cock into your pantie-covered cunt.

Your hands daintily fumbled with the material of his shirt, quickly shucking the material from his sculpted torso. You knew he was fit, but seeing him bare like this was something else entirely - mouth salivating, but being unable to truly appreciate him in his glory. You were both littered in bruises and cuts, evidence from fighting the entire night; careful with the injuries, happy with the soft, gentle way you caressed one another.

His hands moved to the tie of your robe, pulling the knot to release; able to slowly push the material aside and look down at your exposed flesh. No bra, no shirt, only a pair of panties under that robe. He licked his lips, meeting your eyes again. "C'mere," he whispered, sitting back, "waited too long, fuckin' hell."

You smirked and sat up, the both of you locking eyes and stripping from your cloth barriers as fast as you could. Reaching for him again, you crashed back into the mound of soft pillows, keeping him close; legs spread to accommodate his slender hips, holding his neck and shoulders to keep him where you wanted.

Tangerine grunted when you reached for his cock, stroking him slowly to full mast. Your lips were sticky, wet tongues wagging against one another to create webs of saliva when he pulled back. Gently knocking your hand away, Tangerine shimmied down your body, lips pressing quick pecks anywhere he could reach; pausing at your nipples and biting harshly.

You yelped with pleasure, back arching, Tangerine smirking at the reaction - mouth covering one breast as his hand pawed at the other to let his fingers pinch and tweak your nipple. His tongue flattened against your sternum, looking up to meet your eyes as he continued down your battered body until his face was nestled between your thighs. "Oh, Jesus fuck!" You moaned when he took his first taste.

He hummed, "Exactly my thoughts. Fuckin' hell, tastes bloody delightful - fuck me." He grunted and dove back in, latching his lips around your clit and using the fingers of his dominant hand to plunge knuckle-deep in your sloppy warmth. "That's a good girl," he praised, using two fingers to pump in and out, in and out, in and out - your body twitching as pleasure mounted to make you unable to lay still. "Mhm, look so fuckin' pretty like this - spread out, all f'me. Can't get tired of this sight," he moaned, lapping at your wetness.

"Aaron," you begged, gripping the curls at the crown of his head, grinding your hips up to his mouth. "Oh, God, yes, yes," you encouraged, breathing turning sharp and shrill. For a moment, you completely forgot where you were and why you were in a safe house; reality melting away when fully enraptured in Tangerine. "There, right there, holy shit," you whimpered when he prodded that one special place of your inner walls.

"Gotcha, love, I gotcha," he mumbled, sucking and flicking his tongue against your pearl as he focused fully on that spongey spot; causing a wave of slick to generate on his tongue. He grunted, bicep flexing as he pumped his digits faster and faster; his other hand laid across your lower belly to hold you in place.

"Shit!" You met a long-awaited crescendo, a little embarrassed by how quick you met your end - having been a few months since you were intimate with anyone.

But my God, none of them compared to Aaron. His body was slick with a light sheen of sweat, his mustache scraping your sensitive bud with his fingers still working against you. You tried to wriggle away, but Tan held you in place, his other hand now holding one of your thighs wide for his benefit. You forgot there were other occupants in the house, moaning and whimpering the longer Aaron lapped at your essence and messily fingered you.

You could've cried from the pleasure, pulling on his curls as a second orgasm washed over you. You, too, were now sweating, stomach knotted and legs beginning to shake slightly; thighs closing around his ears as your muscles contracted.

Tangerine chuckled when he pulled back, taking one more nip at your swollen and sensitive clit; sighing in satisfaction as he looked up at you, evidence of your pleasure smeared around his mouth, chin, and mustache. Cheekily, he wiped around his mouth, sucking his fingers clean while you tried to catch your breath.

"Jesus Christ," you chuckled.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah," you grinned, tugging on his curls again to indicate you wanted him back up with you. He didn't waste time to crawl over you, and when in place, you reached for his warm cock to place at your entrance.

"Oi, hang on, gotta rubber - "

"I'm on birth control, we're okay," you rushed. "Unless you're dirty?"

"Nah, love, I don't fuck nobody raw," he smirked, "but there's a first time for everything, huh?" Aaron laughed almost cruelly when he pushed his hips forward and notched his cock's head inside you, pausing a single moment to watch your reaction as he sunk deeper to stretch you out.

Maybe you had been depriving yourself all these years, Tan's cock being a size, length, and girth you've not handled before. Nobody compared, your cunt weeping with joy at finally having a challenge worthwhile; his balls swinging before being trapped between your bodies. He made a noise, a mix of a moan and whimper, readjusting his hold on you so he held one thigh and the other was supporting his weight by your head.

Your hand laid on his waist, the other around his neck; eyes locked in a passionate connection when he began moving. Your mouth opened in shock, huffing for air, unable to look away - blue eyes pinning you in place. His mouth descending onto yours, rolling his hips to create friction; cock head prodding your gummy walls as the muscles in his back and shoulders flexed with each movement. You lifted a hand to hold his cheek, tongues swirling around one another, Aaron increasing his pace a fraction.

Your nails dug into his flesh, leaving trails of raised, red scratches in their wake - yet it was as if he didn't even notice. "Know I love you, yeah?" Aaron whispered, veins in his neck protruding; heart hammering.

"Yeah," you nodded, wanting him impossibly closer, "yeah, Aaron, I love you, too, holy shit."

Maybe emotional intimacy turned you on more than you ever realized. He clenched his teeth, both hands pressed onto the mattress to support himself as he started to thrust faster. "Not gonna last, love, not with the way you're squeezin' me," he warned, a few stray curls falling over his forehead, his golden medallion swinging and knocking gently against your chin. "Jesus, fuck, you feel so fucking good," he rambled, "like you were fuckin' made for me - Goddamnit."

"We're idiots for waiting so long," you moaned.

"Won't ever be that stupid again," he laughed gently, looking down between you to watch himself disappear and reappear in and out of you; coated in your slick, veins of his cock now throbbing as he felt the familiar coil begin to tighten.

His thumb pressed to your clit and rubbed, your moans getting louder and longer; own hands groping your breasts and tweaking your nipples to add to the sensations Tangerine provided. "Baby," you whined, "'M close - "

"Get there, love, c'mon," he begged, "can't hold back - wanted this f'so long, fuck!" One hand slapped his away to let you control your clit, Tangerine grinning, "Naughty girl. Shit, that's a sight, innit?"

"Don't stop!"

Aaron growled, pinching his brows in concentration as he snapped his hips, the sounds of his balls slapping against you clapping around the room; mingling with your moans, groans, whimpers, and the thick smell of sex that hung in the air. "Feels so fuckin' good," he mumbled, straining himself to resist. "Tight and warm, Jesus fuck, my love, you're perfect - so fucking perfect - Goddamnit."

"There, there, there," you chanted, rubbing your clit vigorously while Aaron dissolved his restrain to hammer into your core with sloppy movements. "Yes, oh, fuck, yes, yes, yes! Please, Aaron, yes, right there, baby, please - don't stop!"

"Fuckin' cum for me, c'mon, love, let it go," he growled, teeth scraping over your collarbone before latching in a gentle bite on your shoulder. "That's it, there it is," Aaron moaned, feeling the restrictive flutter of your cunt, "good girl, good fuckin' girl, that's it."

Your mind went blank, unable to process anything other than Aaron's cock still hammering into you at a brutal pace; the entire bed creaking and rattling against the wall. You whimpered, lips parting when he didn't stop, encouraging, "Need you t'cum, baby, please. Wanna feel you in me - want your cum, fucking need it. C'mon, Aaron, c'mon, love, finish in me - fucking fill me, please, I need it."

"Yeah? Need it?" He grunted, cheeks flushing.

"So bad, need your cum so bad!"

He grit his teeth, humping all the faster before the warmth of your cavern became too much. "Shit!" Tangerine shouted, taking two more rolling thrusts before fully sheathing himself in you as rope of sticky, thick cum painted your inner walls. "Oh, holy hell," he panted, keeping himself still but his arms trembling to support himself as he pulled back only slightly. "All right?" He checked, glancing to where you two were conjoined. "You good?"

"Perfect," you nodded, petting up and down his sides as if entranced and in disbelief this happened. He felt so soft all of a sudden, a stark contrast to his stoic and aggressive personality. "You all right?"

He grunted and retracted his hips, cock springing free to let him crash on the bed beside you; both your lungs working in tandem to attempt to even out. "Absolutely, so fuckin' good," he told you, both staring at the ceiling for a moment before his head turned to look at you. He grinned slyly, chuckling, "That really happened?"

"Think so."

"Fan-fuckin'-tastic," he mused. "Stay put a second, love," he whispered, standing from the bed to venture into the bathroom. After a moment, he returned with a warm and damp washcloth, helping you clean up the cum leaking from your cunt; wiping away the messiness. He cleaned himself as well, you crawling under the covers of the bed - not bothering to redress.

When Tan joined you again, he snuggled into the sheets and opened his arm to welcome you into his side. It was weird, you usually hated sleeping with anyone, finding it too hot and restrictive, but laying there with Tangerine, you felt incredibly at peace.

"You know Constance isn't gonna be here for a couple days," you mentioned casually.

"Uh-huh."

"Think I just found our past time."

"Oh, darlin'," Tangerine chuckled, "we're not leavin' this bed."

"We'll have to eat."

"Least that Ladybug twat can do is bring us our food, eh?"

But you paused to consider something, laid on his chest and idly tracing the scars on his beefy chest. "Hey, Aaron?" You whispered.

"Hmm? What is it, love?"

"What's gonna happen when we leave here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, here, in Japan, we're together... But when we go home t'London, back to reality, what's gonna happen?"

"What? You mean, with us?"

"Yeah."

He snickered, "Why would anything change, love? I'm not just in love with you, here, in Japan, but everywhere - wholeheartedly. So, when we go back, we make this work. No matter what it takes."

"Really?"

Aaron grinned, "'Course, love. Went four long years without even seein' yah, I have no plans t'let you go again - not so soon, not ever." He stretched and tucked his free arm behind his head, "You're stuck with me, doll. That all right with you?"

You grinned up at him, "Perfect by me."

His lips found yours again, starting a very noisy night that made both Lemon and Ladybug clamp pillows over their ears.

requesting rules and masterlist

Bullet Train masterlist

[myconetted]

So, about Linux. Do you have a phone that uses Linux? Is there one out there that can access tumblr and be reasonably usable? I'm just sick of Apple and Google's BS and want an opinion from someone in the know.

technically: android is built on linux

less pedantically: i personally have a google pixel with stock android because it's the least bloated and i don't trust most other manufacturers to not put dumb bullshit on my phone.

if you want a linux phone then i've heard good things about the pinephone. here are the operating systems it supports: https://pine64.org/documentation/PinePhone/Software/Releases/. note that a lot of the OSes don't have full support for all of the device features like bluetooth, and there won't be android app support out of the box. you'll have to use something like waydroid and idk how good the compatibility is.

if you want something closer to the normal android experience, grapheneOS might be up your alley. caveat: there is very limited device support; they basically only have official support for google pixel devices: https://grapheneos.org/faq#device-support. google play is disabled by default but you can enable the sandboxed version of it to install tumblr.

if you see other custom ROMs or AOSP-based OSes, you should do some research to make sure you're comfortable with the developers and the security for them. grapheneOS is generally well regarded and most other projects don't have anywhere near the level of focus on security. (less pussyfooted answer: i wouldn't use them.)

[bodybeyondstories]

SOLID GOLD - Packin'

A magic boombox in a dance studio causes random changes to unsuspecting victims. When the only attendee for a class is the dance instructor's straight crush, it decides to play Packin', by FHAT.

[ ass expansion // dick growth // self suck ]

2028 words

Someone sent in a prompt months ago about a thicc fitness dance instructor with a magic boombox and I took some time to think about it (thank you, whoever you are!). It might make for a fun ongoing series of music based tf episodes. Also for a while I've been wanting to write something in the vein of one of my favorite series, "The pinball machine".

-----

“Solid Gold. Connected.” The tinny, vaguely feminine robot voice chimed in the studio instead of, as I had been expecting, the tinny, vaguely masculine robot voice of our actual sound system.

“You’re back,” I said, glancing down at the stately, gold plated boombox that had just materialized in the exact center of the room.“Been a while.” 

I looked at my phone for confirmation, nodding at a screen that now displayed only a golden bluetooth symbol and wouldn’t respond to my touch until…well, until…

“Wait, no one’s here,” I said to the otherwise empty room, announcing to no one that my dance workout class did in fact have zero attendance.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, dude,” came a familiar voice. “You didn’t start yet, did you?” He looked around and sighed. “You already finished, didn’t you? I can’t believe I got the time wrong again, I set an alarm and everything–”

“No,” I interrupted. “You’re fine, we didn’t start yet. Because there was no ‘we’ here in the first place, I guess.”

“Well now we’re a we,” he beamed, splaying his arms wide. “With plenty of room to stretch.”

Famous last words. 

Sid was a gem. Generous. Engaging. Warm. Open. Adorable. And very tragically straight. Though I appreciated his enthusiastic support of my workout classes, there was an added layer of chaos to this one in the center of the room. A golden sun getting ready to make some gravitational shifts.

“Sweet boombox,” he said, bending down to inspect the device. “Retro. Where’d you even get this?”

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, I thought. “It was sort of already here. Comes with the place.”

Which was technically true. It’s a little bit of an urban legend among the folks who work here, and everyone’s got their own speculation about how and why it appears. My running theory is that the boombox is always there. Has always been there. But exists in some other dimension, crossing the veil at seemingly random times and causing…changes in unsuspecting bystanders.

Here’s the thing. I like to think I’m in pretty good shape. I’m a fitness trainer, I clock in and run my little classes, I’m decently toned and tapered from shoulder to waist. When I first started here, I would do my thing, work up a sweat in my booty shorts to get the class going, give ‘em a little shake if the mood was right. When the boombox first appeared, I thought it was a prank from my co-workers, like I was being indoctrinated into the collective delusion of the workplace. Then my phone connected automatically, but somehow the playlist was out of my control. I went along with it, wondering how they pulled that off, moving the class through warm up, then moving through each track, adapting dance moves on the fly as the rhythm of the music shifted. 

I thought I was doing great and the group seemed like they were loving it, so I turned up the intensity a little, getting into some deeper leg movements, really targeting hip mobility. As if on queue, the playlist shifted to “Bootylicious" and the crowd went wild. I leaned into it, turning the climax of the class into a high intensity glute workout, getting even more into it as I felt my skimpy shorts get tighter and tighter.

Move your body up and down Make your booty touch the ground I can't help but wonder why Is my vibe too vibealacious for you, babe? 

It felt like I had an incredible pump, like my perky posterior was the center of the world if not the center of attention.

I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly I don't think you're ready for this jelly I don't think you're ready for this

As we went into the final chorus, the pump…pumped. I can’t explain it but I could feel my ass inflating with each repetition of I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. My shorts slowly rode up my butt, exposing the bottom half of my cheeks and threatening to reveal the bikini briefs I had hastily thrown on that morning.

As I shifted us into a cool down, I casually tugged the hems of my shorts back down to a more presentable level, but found that I couldn’t. Pump was so good they got stuck, I chuckled to myself. They felt painted on. As I guided the group into a twist, letting one hand drop towards the opposite foot and turning at the waist. Instead of my cute bubble in the mirror, I was greeted with one of the fattest asses I had ever laid eyes on.

'Cause my body too bootylicious for ya, babe

I stared, dumbfounded, staying in that position for an oddly long time, afraid that if I moved, and my reflection moved, it would verify that I was indeed the owner of a massive bubble booty that had appeared out of nowhere. My heart skipped a beat as with one final spasm, it visibly plumped a little more.

“That’s…um. That’s it for today,” I stammered, swinging back upright, trying to hide the confusion in my face. “Great class today.” My cheeks burned as I felt the globes of my ass swish back and forth with each stride towards the boombox. I bent down to turn it off, eliciting more than a few gasps from the crowd, only to realize it was…gone. Just vanished in a blink, leaving behind a pair of supercharged glutes straining my gym shorts to the limit.

The ensuing months confirmed the institutional lore that I’d gathered from my coworkers. The boombox appeared seemingly at random, picked one victim, and didn’t like to repeat itself, which I especially hoped was true, seeing as adjusting my wardrobe for a sudden monster booty isn’t something I’d like to do again. So when it appeared in a class with just me and Sid, the writing was on the wall.

“Let’s hope it’s not too extreme,” I said to myself, acutely feeling the jiggle of my ass cheeks as I led us through the warm up music.

It was going well. As things picked up, the awkwardness of a mostly empty class was washed away by Sid’s friendly enthusiasm. As one of my semi-regulars, he knew my movement style, and could really get into it whenever I threw a curveball or decided to build the intensity. Through it all, Sid puffed through labored breaths, smiling through the tank top glued to his chest with sweat. He had been getting better at this, more confident in his movements, even adding his own flair to the beat. I was smitten by his energetic grin, returning the favor with a twist here and there to keep him on his toes. We were in a groove, just the two of us working it out to the rhythm.

But then the track switched. My eyes widened as I recognized the funky bassline of a queer pop duo that I was familiar with but hadn’t included on any of my playlists.  

Let’s get on the topic I can read your mind It’d be my pleasure To bring you back to life

“Oh, I love this song!” Sid exclaimed, riding a wave of newfound energy.

Oh really. A chill ran through my gut. I couldn’t tell if it was my imagination or the boombox was chuckling to itself in some subsonic register that only I could detect. But it had begun. Just see it through, I thought, improvising the moves to let my hips flow to FHAT’s high pitched melody.

Baby I really got to know Whatcha packin’

Sid’s performance of confidence cracked into discomfort, his eyes flitting down to his crotch, almost too quickly to notice. 

Cuz lately You’re really starting to show Whatcha packin’

He stumbled briefly, shaking his head in confusion as he tried to casually adjust his bulge. His very, very prominent bulge.

Heard all the gossip From a friend of mine

Based on word of mouth and locker room run-ins, I was pretty sure Sid was already packing some hefty meat in his shorts, though you’d never guess it by his adorably dopey demeanor. Maybe it’ll just be mild this time, I tried to convince myself. What’s the worst that could really happen…

It’d be my pleasure To see it with my own eyes

I couldn’t keep from fantasizing about that impressive tool becoming even bigger. I kept up with the movements, shaking my ass to the beat. Sid did his best to follow suit, but the increasing weight in his crotch was throwing him off. It was tantalizing as it bounced back and forth, like it was physically impossible to look anywhere else other than the hose inflating in his pants.

Cuz lately You’re really starting to show

His crotch visibly distended during the final chorus, his face a contortion of surprise and terror, no longer able to keep up with the workout as his dick lurched–

Whatcha packin’

And flopped out of the leg of his gym shorts. It bobbed in the air just above his knee, a rope of precum trailing from his mushroom head.

“Shit!” he exclaimed. He tried to shove his monster cock back into the leg of his pants to no avail. His face clouded with panic. “I, uh, need to run to the bathroom. Be right back!” He practically sprinted out of the studio, his gait wobbling with the awkwardness of the bulge snaking across his thigh.

“Wow,” I muttered, looking towards the center of the room. “You outdid yourself this–”

The boombox was gone, back to the ether.

I ran after Sid, slipping into the bathroom and following the sound of groans to the last stall.

“Hey, bud,” I said, interrupting the frustrated moans and heavy breathing coming from behind the door. “Can I help with anything?” I asked, attempting to sound like I wasn’t fully aware of the cause of the baseball bat that suddenly sprang from his crotch.

“I don’t think you can…I mean…I don’t know what’s happening to…ugh…to me…to my, oof…Look, it’s kind of a weird situation.”

“I’ve seen some weird situations,” I answered. “Trust me.”

A deliberative pause hung between us. “Don’t, like, tell anyone, okay?”

I punched the air. “Yeah, of course. Happy to help.”

The door slowly opened to reveal that the boombox really had outdone itself. I had Sid pegged as big before, but nothing resembling the veiny chest high erection threatening to smear precum in the scruff under his chin.

“It…it won’t go down,” he moaned. He gripped his pipe with both hands, unable to reach all the way around its circumference. I could see it pulse bigger with his heartbeat, his head lolling back with another gush of pre. He began stroking the length of his behemoth with urgency. “Sorry, it feels so full. So good…I can’t stop…”

He was in agony and ecstasy. His fingers squelched through an endless stream of precum. He was desperate for release.

“Can I…help?” I offered, gesturing to the acres of sensitive real estate along his shaft begging to be massaged.

But he didn’t seem to hear. I could practically see the lightbulb appear over his head as he made eye contact with the piss slit inches from his face. Like he had already forgotten I was there. His lips parted and descended. He took as much of his own head as he could fit in his mouth. His eyes rolled back as he began to work up and down, taking more and more of his own anaconda into his throat. 

I was frozen in the doorway. All I could do was watch as he built toward sweet release, gallons of cum suddenly filling his cheeks and flooding out of his lips, his full body wracked by orgasmic pleasure as rope after rope of jizz erupted from his oversized member.

His cock, finally spent, fell out of his mouth with a pop and began to droop down over his thigh. He leaned his head back, breathed out in relief, seemed to suddenly remember I was there.

“Oh, um,” he stammered, cheeks blushing. “Great session.”

[cl0ckworkpuppet]

time for my monthly mp3 player propaganda post!

yall. don't fucking stream music off of youtube or spotify. they pay their creators shit. the most generous estimate i could find was artists being paid $1 for every 200 streams (0.5¢ per stream), and unless you're listening to songs on an album thousands times in total, it helps tremendously more to just. buy their albums or subscribe to a patreon-like service for them

mp3 players are laughably inexpensive (you can get a decent one with bluetooth for like $40-50 and you can get away with even less if you forego some features), many of them are drag-and-drop, no ads, decent enough sound quality for the average person, unlimited skips, track selection, regular play and shuffle, playlists, being able to shut off your screen, and more importantly, ALL OF THIS IS AVAILABLE WITHOUT A SUBSCRIPTION. i've always been an avid hater of subscription models. there are some things where it's understandable, but you shouldn't lose access to basic QOL features just because you can't or won't fork over $10-15 a month.

"b-b-but $50 is so expensive!" WRONG. $50 (which is more than i've EVER spend on a single mp3 player) is the equivalent to 5 months on spotify premium without discounts. if you can afford that, it's worth investing into a device that can last you literal years if you get a good one and take good care of it

"but i don't wanna carry around another device!" fair enough, but these things are small enough to fit in tiny pockets (mine fits snugly in the watch pocket of my jeans) and are typically light enough to not be burdensome. if you can carry around your phone, you can carry around an mp3 player

"what if people think i'm weird for having outdated technology" let them. it's worth it in my opinion if it means i get to listen to music ad-free. the most I've ever gotten was "wooooah bro's got the dinosaur tech" and i just thought that was funny personally

"but what if the artist collapses without a constant stream of money!!! i'm not supporting the artist!!!!!" companies try to pay as little as they can get away with to artists. most of that money goes to the CEO and other higher-ups.

"but piracy is bad!" Piracy is a Crime. However, downloading youtube videos/audio for your own PERSONAL, NON-COMMERCIAL USE and NOT REDISTRIBUTING THEM is legal (generally, in the US, check your laws, i am not a lawyer, not legal advice, blah blah blah). besides, i never said you had to pirate your music. in fact, i encourage you to buy the albums of and support your favourite artists in other ways. some artists might even provide links for people to download their songs for free in high quality anyway

not gonna link products just in case someone thinks i'm a shill. but literally just look up "mp3 player" on your search engine or shopping site of choice and find something that doesn't look like it'll fall apart if you breathe on it too hard

seriously guys. if you listen to music more than like a few hours a week, and you don't get all of your music from livestreams or radios (although mine can connect to AM/FM radio), consider investing in an mp3 player. i tried out using one regularly in fall of 2021, and I haven't looked back. don't let companies drain subscription money from you

[thelattechronicles]

Going from Kindle to Kobo: My Thoughts and how I settled on the Clara BW

I've had my one and only e-reader: the 4th generation Kindle since 2011. That's quite literally over a decade old- 13 years, to be exact.

It's been deemed old enough to justify an upgrade. Not that I had even been needing one, or considering getting a new one; rather, the Kindle had just started glitching on me and freezing this past September. After 13 years, I'd say it's an accomplishment that it took this long for the tech to finally start breaking down on me. Believe me when I say that this Kindle had not been babied by any means whatsoever.

Now, it's been exactly 30 days since I've gone from my Kindle 4th gen 2011 model (thanks Mom and Dad) to the new Kobo Clara BETWEEN. Read on to see what my thoughts are on this upgrade!

I don't think I can go back to the Kindle UX and world, and I truly do see what people are saying about Kobo just being overall better.

For starters, here are the specs between both as a comparison:

(Side note: the 4th gen Kindle is SO old that I had to dig around for a review of it, and found one on The Ebook Reader dot com)

As you can tell from the glaring number of red X circles, the basic Kindle 4th gen does not have as much much going for it compared to my new Kobo Clara BW. But that's okay! Here are some things I LIKED about the Kindle:

The e-ink screen

The physical page turning buttons on the side - I still love the page turners and how I just need to press down on the side. The buttons are very streamlined and a part of the side plastic framing.

The wallpapers when the device is turned off

The battery life (once upon a time, one charge could last me a good 4 months I stg)

The size of the screen (was not willing to go smaller, but was open to go bigger)

Straightforward system and user interface (turn on, find book, read.)

Being able to email epubs and PDFs to the Kindle directly via the Whispernet

Here are some things I DISLIKE about my Kindle today:

Its current extremely short battery life (I don't think a charge can last me two weeks now)

Being locked into the Kindle Amazon storefront and ecosystem - yes, I purchased each and every book on Amazon that I have on my Kindle...

Not being able to make Libby work on the Kindle (as a Canadian reader)

Lack of backlighting options

Anything to do with any sort of typing (I had to physically press the arrow buttons and wait until it landed on the right letter to press enter, then move on to the next letter, rinse repeat. Needless to say, it gets exhausting real quick trying to type out a short word, let alone a title of a book you're trying to find in your Kindle library storage.)

Lack of ad-free options with today's Kindle models (I got lucky with my Kindle 4th gen, where the home screen goes directly to my storage, listing all the books and collection folders I created. I hear this is no longer a thing, and the home page is the Amazon Kindle storefront. Ew.)

So, the Kobo Clara BW does a lot of what I liked about my Kindle - and more! It has quite a lot going for it: a long battery life, multiple backlighting options (reg vs warm lighting), bluetooth (if I wanted to do audiobooks, but I do that on my phone anyway so it's just a bonus for me). The Kobo Clara BW has crisp displays (I've read some manga and comics on it), and the zooming in and text font/size adjustments are super easy to navigate.

I know, I know. No physical page-turning buttons. I still lament the loss of my buttons. I know there are some Kobo models such as the Libra that have the buttons, but I strongly believe that the Kindle 4th gen buttons are superior. I liked that they were a part of the side, rather than a blocky-looking extension, like the buttons on the Libra are. The touch screen was a bit of an interesting thing to navigate in the beginning, but as we use touch-screen phones, it was very easy and quick to get used to it.

Why not the colour option?

Granted, the Kobo Clara colour as well as some other colour alternatives did come out. Why did I not choose the colour option? Yes, colour e-ink and e-readers are pretty to look at, but for someone who uses e-readers purely to read novels and text-heavy documents, it seemed unnecessary for my purposes. In store, I did a side-by-side comparison of the Clara Colour and BW and actually found the lighting to be drastically different at max brightness and warmth. Here's a picture I found online that gives you an idea of what I mean:

As you can see, the Clara BW version (right) has a crisper and whiter background, and the Clara Colour (left) looked a bit orange-red-toned overall.

ABOVE ALL: the Kobo ecosystem has been fantastic for me.

As someone who has been pitifully buying every single e-book on Amazon thus far or loading janky PDFs with too-small-text, the Kobo Clara BW is a breath of fresh air. It was very easy to connect my Libby account in the Settings. I now have an automatic delivery of all my ebook loans to my Kobo (!!!!) (A dream come true for Canadian e-readers!). I also have Calibre downloaded on my laptop and with it, can customize my Kobo to no end. You can see that I've gone ahead and gave my Kobo some wallpapers, which include my favourite The New Yorker covers. I'm happy with how much I can do with my Kobo. The Pocket app feature also came as a pleasant surprise! It's nice being able to read articles during work lunches and save any interesting articles on my computer, and those articles get automatically downloaded to my Kobo.

In true The Latte Chronicles fashion, if I were to give my Kobo Clara BW a rating:

★★★★★

If you're like me as a reader and your needs are similar to mine (and maybe your old Kindle is dying on you) I encourage you to make the jump to Kobo! I haven't regretted my Kobo Clara BW purchase at all. In fact, I've already finished 13 books since I booted up my Clara.

J

[sntechsupport]

hiiii newb player here so sorry if this has been asked before. my game audio completely stopped working once i entered. not sure if this is a bug orrrrr..? really unsettling not hearing the sfx when fighting imps >_<

Possible causes that are game related:

You have gone deaf. You will Question your way out of this one eventually.

Master Volume set itself to 0 (sometimes happens upon entry, we are not entirely sure why). You can check in Settings -> Audio, and set the volume to your preferred level.

Your Land generated the Silence theme or its subtype. You can Quest your way out of this. You can tell by visiting other Lands and/or Dream Moons, audio there should work.

Your Land generated the Sound theme or its subtype. Has to be Landquested out of. Same check as above.

If you are playing release older than 7.2.0, your Land might have generated as Land of Sound And Silence (or corresponding subtypes), in which case you can’t do shit about it, but anywhere else the audio should work as normal.

Possible causes that are not game related:

Your audio drivers are busted. Update/repair.

Whatever was transmitting sound from your gaming device lost connection/ability to transmit sound. Typically Bluetooth devices are a prime suspect because Entry temporarily confuses that. Deploy Turn It Off And On strategy.

You have gone deaf. Accommodate for this disability; you have an Alchemiter and aids have been made dirt cheap or in some cases even free on purpose

Sincerely

SN Tech Support (Gear)

[lackeyhenchman]

…Okay but REALLY, I’ve never understood the appeal of bluetooth. Since its inception, it’s always had a 50/50 chance of being significantly less reliable than a corded device. 100% chance of being more fiddly in general.

With a cord, I know immediately why something isn’t working. It’s because it’s not plugged in. With bluetooth it’s 20 minutes of consulting forums and wondering if I should be plucking something in the air like a theremin

[saintlesbian]

is the retroid pocket a good investment? i saw your tags and am curious! :]

i'm probably biased bc i'm so used to buying retroid but yea. it's slightly pricier than some other options you might find due to the price creep of the gradually upgrading chipsets but its definitely worthwhile from my perspective, as someone who likes retro emulation and android gaming. all retroids have bluetooth support to connect extra controllers, headphone jack for audio, sd card slot to load up games from, wifi for downloading more games, and display out options to connect to a tv or somethin! you gotta bring your own games unfortunately, but it does come built in with some emulation apps to install during setup, and a choice between using the standard android OS, or the custom Retroid branded Launcher to launch games from! generally i use my retroid to play PS1, PSP, PS2 and GBA games, although im pretty sure it can handle N64, Dreamcast, NDS and 3DS too. basically if there's an android emulator or RetroArch core for it, the Retroid can probably handle it, YMMV.

the most recent model line, the Retroid Pocket 5/Mini, is still available on the GoRetroid website. generally if you're buying a retro handheld then make sure you buy it directly from the original site/source so you don't get ripped off by some offbrand seller trying to pawn one of those 100-in-1 knock off consoles on you.

time for an autistic ramble about my collection since i love these devices so much...

the original retroid pocket 2! this was the first device that caught my eye and my gateway drug into retro emulation handhelds, as it only cost $80 back in 2020. there were pink, yellow and cyan colorways too, but indigo was the most popular option :P it was a little awkward, what with the switch style analog sticks not having R3 functionality and only having one gig of RAM, but it got the job done. it also had micro HDMI out to connect to a display, kind of a hassle since micro HDMI isn't too common, but they used to sell micro HDMI cords on their site along with other accessories (screen protectors, grips, cases, etc...)

the retroid pocket 2+ was an upgraded model released a year later for $90, with 2GB RAM and a touchscreen added. still no clickable analog sticks but oh well! i bought the PS2 style colorway, a lot of their colors are styled after other retro consoles. the 4:3 screen was kinda cute! difficult for playing PSP games since it letterboxes the screen, plus you have to do some extra tweaking in the emulator settings to get it to work properly...

less than a year later, they made the Retroid Pocket 3! this one signalled a change in their release system in many ways, most notably the fact that now every retroid model comes in 2 versions: a cheaper model (with less storage/RAM) and a premium model (with more storage/RAM). personally i've never had any reason to go with the cheaper model, especially since the power difference can be so vast between the two sometimes, so every model i have is the premium model. this one cost $130, which is quite the price jump, but the added quality made it worth it for me :) the RP3 was Retroid's first foray into a 16:9 device, great for playing PSP/NDS, and easy to work with the 3GB RAM. any 4:3 games will have letterboxing on the sides now (unless you have a widescreen hack or something) but i never minded that much. also, this is the first Retroid model with R3 functionality on the joysticks! it might not matter much to most people, but i really wanted to play Ape Escape on the go :3

at some point GoRetroid realized the Retroid line kinda peaked with the RP2 form factor, so they brought it back with some added improvements for those looking for an updated 4:3 handheld, now now known as the Retroid Pocket 2S. idk what the S stands for! its looks pretty similar to the regular RP2, but with clickable hall effect joysticks on the bottom, a PSVita style DPad, and up to 4 GB of RAM. i loved this one! for a while i used to switch between the RP2S and the RP3, depending on if i was in the mood for PS1 or PSP gaming. the black crystal shell was also neat, i love clear electronics :3 price went to $120, more expensive than the original RP2 line but cheaper than the RP3. worth the price, considering the QoL improvements they made over the original RP2!

then there's the Retroid Pocket 4, released around the same time as the RP2S. this model has the same shell as the RP3 for those looking for a 16:9 form factor, while retaining the improvements from the RP2S (hall effect joysticks <3). this device is currently my go-to for portable retro emulation, with 8GB RAM and android 13 compatibility. this one can play some lighter PS2 games, but i mostly use it to play balatro these days. also, convenient feature; since the Retroid Pocket series is just an android with a built in controller, any android games with controller compatibility can be played with the Retroid controls. theres also a gamepad mapper to map button controls to other android games that don't have built in controller support, but i've never used it so i can't vouch for it -_- the RP4Pro was $200 on release, yowch! still definitely a worthwhile investment, but a far cry ffrom the original price tag of $80 back in 2020... there's still some discounted models of RP4 on sale on their website, although there's not many left, as GoRetroid is mostly clearing space for their newest model...

...the Retroid pocket 5! this model signifies another shift in Retroid's design, as they've shifted to a PSVita looking model with the rounded features and glass front panel. i got the gamecube colorway since i really liked the vibes it has... aesthetically this is the best Retroid Pocket model yet. the 3d hall sticks also have RGB LEDs built in than can be customized from a built in app, and an OLED screen that looks especially gorgeous on the black RP5 model, as the bezel screen blends right into the rest of the glass face. this one is their priciest model yet, clocking in at $200 for the RPmini and $220 for the RP5. this model also removed the micro HDMI port in favor of a display out USB-C port like how the nintendo switch does. they also released an official dock with HDMI and ethernet ports to go along with it! i haven't switched over to the new model yet since its still 8GB RAM like the RP4Pro and it'll probably take a while to move some of my android apps over, but i've heard good things about this model! it's also linux compatible from what i've heard (ROCKNIX, Batocera) but once again I Haven't Tried Those Yet

but yea that's my collection! Retroid has served me pretty well over the years, i give it the Saint Lesbian Seal of Approval

[cosmogyros]

Fun features of my new phone:

the built-into-the-screen fingerprint reader only works about every third time I put my finger on it (I know this will get better with time, but it's still annoying. The old hardware fingerprint reader worked flawlessly from day one)

also sometimes the fingerprint reader randomly doesn't show up on the lockscreen at all, so I have to draw the pattern instead

sometimes THAT doesn't work either, and I have to lock and unlock the screen a few times before either thing shows up

the phone charges so slow (even when wifi is off and airplane mode is on) that sometimes I've gotten confused and thought it wasn't charging at all

touch-responsive area of screen is so wide that it "leaks" over the physical edge of the phone, so sometimes I simply pick up the phone and, in doing so, accidentally touch something on the screen and make something happen

no headphone jack, so I'll have to buy Bluetooth headphones (or an adapter, so I can keep using my old cheap wired earbuds that I got for literally free with a previous-generation phone)

by default, the phone does not indicate remaining battery life anywhere (I literally had to go into the settings and turn on the option to have this displayed on the bar at the top of the screen)

Spotify keeps randomly starting "jams". I don't know what that is or how I'm making it happen. This never happened before. I'll just be listening to some music while carrying my phone in my hand and suddenly the current song will stop halfway through and a whole different one will start, as part of a "jam" (???)

also Spotify: when I'm listening to a song on the phone and then open Spotify on my computer and click "Listen on this device instead", it starts playing on the computer but ALSO keeps playing on the phone? And there's like half-a-second delay, so the song isn't even playing simultaneously in both places? (needless to say: this never happened with my old phone, although I do this all the time)

and sometimes stuff I tap on the screen just randomly won't respond until I've tapped it multiple times

JUST LET ME KEEP MY OLD TECHNOLOGY, I AM BEGGING YOU :'(((

[shotmrmiller]

You think Bluetooth in a heating aid is wild? I just found out that my assistant manager, a former marine, had gotten (years ago) a little device that makes a meow sound every so often and hid it in the ceiling tiles by the offices. He left for two weeks after that. General Manager heard the Meows and ended up calling Home Depot Corporate offices to ask them about tearing open the walls and ceiling to find this “cat”. When they found the little device instead he was furious. My assistant manager gets back from his 2 week leave, sees all the damage to the wall and ceiling and asks the HR lady at the time what happened. She immediately starts laughing and tells him. He starts laughing and tells her not to tell the general manager it was him. Considering my assistant manager is still at the store, I don’t think the former general manager ever found out. They literally tore a wall open to find this cat.

i'd be pissing myself if i'm honest. i don't do sudden noises no matter how quiet so my arse would've quit asap.

[theinbornartist]

|| So hi guys—today marks the day of the start of the Christmas season in the Philippines and I just thought of celebrating it by writing a fic. For background: in our country, we have the longest christmas season and it starts September and ends in January. It has been like a custom. Also Filipinos become really excited already when Ber-Months arrive( months ending in ber). Me, I am one of that Filipinos haha. Kidding aside, I do hope you would enjoy this piece I made. Happy First Day of the Christmas Season! ||

ᴡᴀʏɴᴇ ᴍᴀɴᴏʀ, sᴇᴘᴛᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ғɪʀsᴛ

She could not sit idly by—when its already around the corner. What was? Well, Christmas but it was only September so what was she giddy about?

Arnoren knew that it was already the start of christmas season in the Philippines. She could imagine the malls already playing christmas songs, households starting to put up the decorations and selected houses playing christmas music the moment the sun had risen on this particular day. Perhaps the news of a coming tropical storm already being present in various stations. The female only sighed. For her, she had missed those moments.

Gotham didn’t have that. It didn’t celebrate the start of Christmas season. So what did she do? Bring it to Wayne Manor. She hurried down the stairs right after waking up. The manor was silent since everyone could still be asleep. The redhead peeked to see if Alfred was present—then she heard what could be pots being moved about at the kitchen. She darted towards that direction and saw that Alfred was already preparing what could be hot chocolate.

“If you don’t mind, Miss Ren. I already started the rice cakes.” He said ever so politely with that posh accent of his that Arnoren oh so dearly had imitated from time to time. Alfred gestured at the pot that was already on the stove top.

“Oh uhm thanks Alfred.” She chuckled shyly. Arnoren had coaxed the butler, sweetly, of this surprise that she had planned out. Alfred was also curious of her customs so he agreed.

She went over to help him with the chocolate.

“Let me just get this over to the top as well to heat up.” She hoisted the pot and ever so slowly walked to the stove and placed it above, turned it on and placed the lid.

“Thank you, miss.” Alfred said.

“No problem, I’ll be back. Time for the second phase of the operation.” She giddily replied before running out of the kitchen then to the living room.

What do you expect of a billionaire in his living room?

—a high end, high tech, sound system right before your very eyes. Arnoren could feel the “hallelujah” generating from this tech. “You are truly a beauty, you know that.” Arnoren pat the object as she was amused by it. She was shaking her head as well. Right after, she took out her phone. The redhead then connected it to the glorious sound system. “It be funny if you spoke the general: the bluetooth iz now connected succezzfally.” She laughed to herself after mimicking that voice over coming from connected devices. Perhaps those voice overs was made by Chinese? When her phone was connected, she opened Topify and searched for the playlist that she had already planned to use for today. Finding it, she clicked it and lo and behold—the sound system was singing christmas songs.

Arnoren felt goosebumps run across her body—the feeling of dear nostalgia was real.

She smiled to herself and nodded.

“Phase two, complete.” Arnoren clapped her hands and then head back to the kitchen to help Alfred.

Meanwhile, a couple of moments had passed and upstairs, things had began to stir. A door had opened and from by who it was—Tim was the first one to wake up. Maybe he was just a light sleeper on this particular day. Or maybe he was hearing noises downstairs.

He checked his phone and didn’t care about the messy bedhead hair he was having when saw it on the phone’s reflection.

“6Am…thats early. Really early for Bruce.” He said, voice hoarse due to have just waken up. “Huh. So its already September.” He also took note of that. Then something caught his attention.Was he hearing things or was there christmas songs being played downstairs?

That was odd. Pretty odd.

Tim was determined to investigate downstairs but just as he had just placed his foot forward, two doors had opened. Jason and Dick got out.

“What the fuck is going on..” Jason yawned.

Dick rubbed his lidded eyes.

“Is that music?” He asked, looking over to Tim who probably was now fully awake.

“I think so.”

“Did Bruce buy a new track?” Jason walked over to the railing to hear what could the music be about.

“Maybe. He has the money. But why play it so early?” Dick now yawned, starting to stretch his body as well.

“Guys, why would Bruce play Christmas music in September?” Tim pointed out.

Jason turned to face Tim while Dick paused the stretching of his beautiful body.

“What?”

“You heard what I said Jay, christmas music.” Tim replied, now leaning against the wall that was near the stairs.

“Hang on, hang on-“ Dick extended his arms out. “Christmas music?”

“Do we have to repeat bird brain?” Jason playfully hit the back of Dick’s head.

“Ow.” The pretty man looked back at Jason while rubbing the back of his head “Take it easy.”

“But yeah—Christmas music is being played downstairs and thats pretty odd…even for Bruce.” The short haired man spoke. Jason and Dick listened to Tim and weighed it about. He was right.

“So could we have intruders at home?”

Dick suggested.

“That plays Santa Baby and Oh come all ye faithful? Nah. Let’s be real, Dick. Those are some lameass villains.” Jason scoffed.

“Alright fine. How about we check if we’re complete.” He said, opening one door. Dick could see Steph and Cass together asleep. Probably they had a sleepover. Jason saw Duke asleep as well. Tim saw their demon of a brother Damian present but once he had checked Arnoren’s room— she wasn’t there.

“So uhm, my girlfriend isn’t in her room.” Tim spoke. Jason and Dick faced him.

“Hostage situation?” Dick stated the obvious. Jason crossed his arms.

“Right, so Ren is downstairs being tormented with Oh Holy Night and God Bless Ye Merry Gentlemen.” came Jason’s additional remark.

“Jason,” Tim sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, too early for all this shit. He also was clearly done with the christmas jokes and was worried about his missing partner.

“Men we need to focus. We could have intruders in the house and they could have Ren and maybe Alfred. So we have to keep our wits about us. We’re going to use stealth.” Dick spoke, feeling right that he was going to lead this sudden mission.

Jason and Tim looked at each other and then immediately guided Dick down the stairs.

“You first—“ Jason pushed Dick.

“Hey what gives?” Dick cried out.

“Your call.” Tim chimed.

They had finally reached the end of the stairs and walked towards where could the intruders be.

“Alright, so we jump them.” Dick pointed to the kitchen. They clearly heard noises coming out of there. Jason and Tim nodded.

“In the count of three-“

“One.”

“Two-“

“You guys look silly.”

Hearing a voice, all three (brave) men had jolted up and then had themselves in a ready stance only to find a laughing redhead. Arnoren could see the confusion and surprise on their faces.

“Ren?!” Tim exclaimed.

“Hi. And good morning to you all! And Merry Christmas!” She cheekily smiled and waved at them. The three men looked at each other still confused.

“What?” Jason and Dick chorused.

“I will explain…but come come—“ Arnoren walked around and guided the three men into the kitchen.

Dick, Jason and Tim could see Alfred cutting out squares from a giant banana leaf. They could also see that there were a bunch of them on the kitchen counter.

“Good morning young masters.” Alfred politely called out. “Miss Ren has prepared for you a special breakfast for today.”

They turned to face Arnoren who was just smiling while there was a stark contrast of the look of confusion in the men’s faces.

“You planned this?” Tim asked her. Arnoren smiled sheepishly.

“Yes.” She answered.

“And Alfred was on this as well?” Dick also inquired, peeking his head from behind Tim.

“Yes.” Arnoren replied again. She made them sit on the chairs.

“I reckoned it was interesting to join in this conspiracy.” came Alfred’s remark.

“Huh.” Dick slumped to his chair after realizing what all this was. Jason watched as the redhead went over to get some mugs for them.

“Whatcha got there, pipsqueak?” Jason looked over. Hearing the nickname coming from Jason, she turned to them.

“Oh hot chocolate. I also have some rice cakes done.” She replied, placing one mug in front of them. Arnoren did see Tim crossing his arms.

“Care to explain?” Tim looked at her. He didn’t look furious but at times, maybe just interested. That wasn’t a glare that she saw right?

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat. “Its already September here and the Philippines—so I thought I’d celebrate the start of Ber-months here.” Arnoren explained, ladling a cup of hot chocolate from the pot that she now held and pouring the ladled contents to the mug. This was something perhaps foreign to the men before her. “Its the start of Christmas season, Tim. Look it up.” She added.

Tim did as he was told and took his phone out. After typing, he searched about and read an article. Being seated in between Jason and Dick, he showed it to the two as well.

“Christmas season starts September huh. Interesting.” Dick said about to take a sip from his mug.

“Wait that needs sugar.” Arnoren cautioned. She then placed the container of sugar on the table. “According to your liking, but yeah. As early as September, we start the christmas season.”

Tim and Jason were watching videos about the topic at hand.

“So that’s why christmas music was playing in the living room. We really thought you were being tortured with We Wish You A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, or Maria Carey-“Jason spoke with a grin.

“But on loop.” Arnoren joined in.

“Nice.” They high fived each other. When it comes to shenanigans—Arnoren and Jason usually gets along.

“Kidding aside,” Dick made sure they heard him. “You had us worried. We thought something happened to you. Tim here…especially.” He added pointing to Tim who was checking the ratio of the sugar for this particular hot chocolate that he has not tasted before. Arnoren glanced at him and went over to her boyfriend.

“Sorry for making you worry.” She cooed, hugging his waist. Tim looked down and ruffled her hair.

“It’s okay just tell me next time, hmm?”

“If the situation allows.” Arnoren replied, giggling, allowing him to mess her hair.

“Meaning?”

“Yeah Ren, why didn’t you tell Tim?” asked Jason, clearly interested.

“I meant to tell him but it be no fun.” Arnoren answered simply.

“Damn.” Dick and Jason chorused. Tim just rolled his eyes and playfully shoved their shoulders.

“Knock it off.” Tim did chuckle a bit.

“Just know that I can handle myself—oh wait rice cakes.” Arnoren then went to get some out of the steamer but Alfred got there first and took it out.

“Here you go, miss Ren.” He said handing the tray to her. Arnoren then noticed that it looked fancy.

“Wow, this is wrapped elegantly.” She remarked.

“I try.” Alfred said proudly.

“Alright gentlemen. This is puto.” She said placing down the tray that the rice cakes. The rice cakes, were purplish brown in color and they were glutinuous or sticky. They were also wrapped in those banana leaves that the three men had seen earlier when they entered the kitchen.

Almost everyone had a different reaction. Tim choked on the chocolate, Dick whipped his head to face her and Jason had an eyebrow raised.

“P-Puto?” Tim stuttered.

“Yes, puto.”

“Puto?!” Dick exclaimed.

“She said puto, dumbass.” Jason hit him in the back of the head as well. Dick glared.

“I-Its not what you think. That’s just a name for our rice cakes. And what you’re drinking is Sikwati, or in other words Hot chocolate. I thought that be the perfect breakfast as a reminder of what is to come during December which is Midnight Mass or Simbang Gabi.”

“I see.” Tim acknowledged her explanation. Arnoren then walked over so that she could explain to Tim what it was.

Meanwhile Dick and Jason tried to say the word: Sikwati. Jason got it on the first try but Dick was having a hard time.

“How can you pronounce it that fast?”

“I read.”

“No fair. You even pronounced that word “habal-habal” in one go!” Dick managed but clearly it sounded still foreign to his tongue whilst Jason,though accent apparent, he did it flawlessly.

“I’m just talented, Dick.” Jason sassily replied.

“It took me weeks to get that you know-“

Arnoren only chuckled watching them. Perhaps she made the right decision about celebrating the start of Christmas season here in Wayne Manor.

“Oh yeah, you guys, we will be hanging up the Christmas decors too!”

“What?” All three of the men chorused.

Later, the other members of the family had gone downstairs only to see that: Dick, Tim and Jason were being rowdy as they helped in putting up the Christmas tree while Arnoren was focused on placing other decorations in place.

“That belongs here.” Jason pointed out, placing a christmas ball on a side of a tree.

“Jay, that place is already crowded. Look.” Tim pointed out. “That place looks bare.”

Dick reached out and took that one christmas ball.

“How about here?” He suggested placing it among the same colored ones.

“Nope.” Jason and Tim, shook their heads. Arnoren glanced at them and came over to help. “Seriously? You can’t even decorate a Christmas tree?”

“What is going on here?” Bruce managed to ask. Alfred came over to them with a plate of rice cakes.

“They can explain, Master Bruce.”

The other members took some of the rice cakes, while actually wondering about the same question as well.

Bruce walked over to the four.

“What are you guys doing?” He asked, his voice clearly holding authority.

Dick, Jason, Tim and Arnoren looked at each other and smiled,

“Christmas in September.”

And I am done! Whew, I started writing this, this morning and ended this afternoon. I was busy hahah. But yeah, I had fun writing this. Again, do please enjoy! See ya guys, soon! 🫡✨🎄

ᴬᵛ2024

[blazehedgehog]

I Love To Shoot At Trouble

During the Steam Christmas Sale I ended up buying Need for Speed: Most Wanted 2012 because it was like $6 or $7 and I'm in the mood for a new racing game to chew up. EA already gave the game away for free in like 2015, but that meant installing "The EA App". I figured having it on Steam would be more convenient.

You'd think so.

It's not! As part of the first time launch, it installs "The EA App" anyway, which also means it found and uninstalled whatever version of Origin I still had (I wasn't aware I'd ever reinstalled Origin since my HDD crash). As part of this process, it also asked me for my EA password, I misread Firefox's stored password incorrectly, and went through the trouble of resetting my EA account with a new password before linking it to Steam. To my surprise, EA's been sitting on my seven year old cloud save from the few minutes I played of this on Origin in 2017, and asks if I want to import it. Sure, I guess.

So that's ten minutes down the drain before I can even boot up the game. Okay, fine, the game finally launches. Gotta wait while it boots up The EA App each time before it boots into the game, gotta wait for the title screen logo animation, gotta wait for a 10-15 second load screen because even though this game came out in 2012 it's gotta ping some always-online "Autolog" leaderboard whatever. Once it connects, it has to do a slow cinematic pan across your car, telling you what your online rivals have done since the last time you connected, and what kind of equipment you have on your car.

All told, every time you boot up Most Wanted 2012, you're looking at a 30-45 second wait before the game actually hands over control and lets you start driving.

Pull the accelerator and instantly Most Wanted SCREAMS at me:

Fair enough. I'm using a Dualshock 4, and the Playstation 4 did not release until over a full year after this game. Click to the menu it's asking of me and see that the control binding menu is awful -- it's one of those super oldschool ones, like binding keys one by one in Doom 2. I have no idea what these buttons are supposed to be in terms of Xbox equivalents, and I realize that Steam has this thing called "Steam Input" that's supposed to be handling all of this anyway. Steam Input generally makes my Dualshock 4 look like an Xbox controller to most games.

I exit out of Most Wanted, force Steam Input to "on" (I was messing with its settings recently, so I thought maybe it was disabled), and relaunch the game again. Wait for the EA App to boot up, gotta wait through the title screen logos, gotta wait 10-15 seconds on a loading screen, gotta wait another 5-10 on the cinematic pan across my car. I have now spent a minute and a half total waiting for this game to boot while I troubleshoot this.

Pull the accelerator. Instead of it complaining about my controller, straight up nothing happens. That's weird. The Start button works, the analog stick seems to work in the pause menu, but the triggers do not. The face buttons also do nothing. Upon checking the settings, that's because Most Wanted has settled on keyboard mode, even though it's clearly accepting some controller input. After poking at it, it does not seem like there's any way to get it to see my controller.

This makes Most Wanted a special game, because a lot of games I play will happily accept that Steam Input is telling it I have an Xbox controller connected even when I absolutely do not. But this is the rare 1% that seems to be incompatible. It's time to bring in the big guns.

Mayflash makes a terrific little passthrough device called the Magic NS, and the general purpose of this device is that it lets you use any controller on any other platform. An Xbox controller on a Playstation? No sweat. A Playstation controller on the Switch? It'll handle it. If you upgrade to the Magic NS2, you even get full gyro support. Every NS device also doubles as a Bluetooth dongle, so you can stay wireless if that's your thing. I love it so much I bought two, because generally they're only about $20.

A Magic NS2 for my Switch... and Magic NS1 for my PC. Strictly for scenarios like this, where a game expects an Xbox controller and Steam Input fails its camouflage.

Plug the NS1 in, connect my Dualshock 4, and once again boot up Most Wanted and wait the 45 seconds to get through the EA app, logos, loading, and the cinematic pan across my car. More than two full minutes now looking at this junk, and that's not counting the time spent outside of the game troubleshooting this in menus or digging out dongles or whatever.

Pull the accelerator... and my car starts to drive! I can steer! It works! Of course it works. The Magic NS never lets me down. I pull up to the first race event...

Press J and K to start the event.

Those are, uh. Those are keyboard keys. I'm using a controller. The controller is fully functional. You don't need to tell me this in keyboard controls. This isn't going to be one of those games, is it? The kind that still tells you everything in the keyboard shortcuts no matter what?

I drop into the menus again and see Most Wanted is still stuck on Keyboard mode and won't let me switch to anything else, even though I'm clearly using a fully functional controller now. This can't be right. But then I remember: Steam Input is still turned on, and when I forced Steam Input to be on, Most Wanted got stuck in this keyboard mode.

Exit out of the game, tell Steam to turn off Steam Input for this specific game only, and relaunch. Wait through all that crap again. We're up to three minutes just waiting for the game to start, and probably closing in on 20 minutes since I first decided I wanted to try Most Wanted.

Pull the accelerator, it works, drive up to the first event, and...

Pull LT and RT to start the event.

FINALLY. HOLY SHIT.

On the plus side: this game controls a lot better than I remember. It's a decent middleground between Criterion's heavier-feeling Hot Pursuit (2011) and the snappier Burnout Paradise. Though I could do with a lot less full screen flashing or the fact that Autolog alerts hide the minimap for some reason.

Not pictured, but the "always online" nature can also be frustrating if you pause, unpause, and find you have to quickly re-pause again a second time. That second pause will actually incur a loading spinner because it hasn't finished syncing with the server from the first pause, apparently. This game is going on 12 years old.

Anyway. This was a nightmare.

HOT BONUS

"The EA App" now starts up with Windows and is nagging me to enter the login credentials I already entered last night. I have to go through extra steps to get it to leave me alone and not do this

THE RIDE NEVER ENDS

[fru1tycak3]

I’ve seen a friend (@mintyfreshka) look into getting a DAP after I got into the worst consumer hobby out there. So I thought to write this up mostly for him, as this is probably the biggest money sink someone could get into without some guidance on how to approach it.

“I’m really getting into listening to music.”

Semi-educated advice on portable Hi-Fi from a casual perspective.

First thing: don’t get into hi-fi. It’s a dumb hobby.

To be more clear; there is a claim that audiophiles don’t really listen to music, rather they are listening to the equipment they are listening too. That is very accurate after seeing discussions on forms regarding “best equipment” and what not. And personally, I also believe that discussion goes both ways; Hi-Fi nerds are not too different from Analog purists. At some point it stops being about the music and more about how the way it’s being listened too. Not that there isn’t merit to that discussion, rather it’s a very easy way to discourage oneself from even considering seeing what the space brings to the listening experience. In essence: the focus of even considering hi-fi equipment in the first place shouldn’t be the equipment itself. Or initially, at least. Really, the first step is to look at one’s own listening habits.

Stop music streaming (or streaming of any kind, but that isn’t the point-)

Surprise, this is secretly a post about how algorithms are the devil and streaming services are a rip-off. Building a library of music, physical or otherwise, should be the first priority; less about media ownership and more about having the files on hand that isn’t hosted on a companies' server. And no, the type of files being saved don’t matter much. There are better videos on this topic, but to put it succinctly: A (320kbps) MP3 file is subjectively not different from FLAC. Yes, there is more information retained in a FLAC. And if the FLAC particularly is one of those scary 24bit/192+kHz files, there is little chance someone would notice unless they have sensitive ears and scary expensive equipment. If fidelity is the priority and nothing else; go to a live show for a local band or something.

Speaking personally; the library of music I have has been built up though osmosis. Buying CDs from thrift stores, files off of iTunes and Bandcamp, going to the seas. I haven’t lost any of these files yet, and I don’t ever plan too. Although the question is where I keep these files is another question.

Don’t buy an iPod.

More so, don’t grab a dedicated device for those MP3s yet. If a phone still has a headphone jack, it can play music. Or use a pair of Bluetooth headphones. I really want to emphasize how easy and cheap it can be to listen to music without being tethered to the internet. A second-hand iPod or a cheap MP3 player can be easily be bought, then placed into a desk drawer after a month of novelty. Personally, I enjoyed my music just fine on my phone. Some android apps like Poweramp really juice up audio files as much as one can from their phone.

#

The rest of this post is going to be a further discussion on equipment; specifically regarding wired headphones. And while Bluetooth headphones are more than serviceable; a wired connection means the girl reading this doesn’t have to charge her headphones to use them.

So, what wired headphones should one get?

This is more an example of what to grab, and ignore the aftermarket cable; a lot of IEMs on AliExpress are excellent if one knows what they are looking for. And if someone doesn’t, the Salnotes Zero 2s are fantastic for their price. Notably, these are tuned by a YouTuber; but they know what they are doing, so they are actually good. The best way to describe them is that they answer the question: what if Skullcandies were good? These have a nice weight at the low-end and have very clean mid-tones; I haven’t regretted getting these since I started using them. 

The first generation of these are good too, and slightly cheaper; but they are very sharp in the high-end frequencies. I had these for a while and didn’t use them much because the high-frequency response really hurt after a while, even at a low volume. Besides that, they don’t really have much weight at the low-end but are perfectly flat all around save for the extra bright high-end. Great for Jazz and anything with wind instruments.

Both are roughly $30-35 CND on Amazon or AliExpress.

“But what if my phone doesn’t have a headphone jack?”

Yeah. 

No, I’m very serious about this. Apple’s 3.5 mm to X adapter is arguably the best value for anyone that isn’t installed in the hi-fi space. Even some hi-fi nerds agree (technically). There are non-apple ones available on the market on Amazon, but I specifically recommend these for those who live in the Americas for how easy it is to acquire. Literally walk into a Best Buy, even a Staples/Office Max will have these in stock for phones with USB-C and Lightning ports. To address a slight issue with them; they can make headphones slightly quiet. And can be worse if It's bought in the EU; the output voltage is cut in half due to regulations. Again, alternatives can be found on AliExpress

This is the point where I would stop giving advice; as a decent pair of IEMs or any good headphones and Apple’s stupid dongle is probably the best way to listen to one’s music library from their phone. There shouldn’t really be anything stopping the guy reading this from enjoying his music. Well, except for the occasional notification or call that interrupts the music. There are settings in most music players to stop notifications from interrupting the music. Turning on do not disturb can work too; although one would have to remember to turn it off after listening to music.

…

Okay, maybe buy an iPod.

A second device can do wonders for distraction free listening, and most second-hand phones can stand in for a MP3 player. Someone else put it best, but abstaining oneself from buying more crap is generally good thing. But I also think carrying around another phone is kinda silly, especially if the girl reading this is using it as a means to disconnect herself from that damn phone. Like me. I hate my phone and would like to move my library away from it. 

I don’t have much personal experience with iPods aside from the Touches I have had in my drawer for ages. From what I have seen, there is a wide market of modded iPod Classics for those who don’t want to deal with the hassle of modding it themselves. Unless someone reading this is living in the future where iPods are now a luxury collectable. Great thing that there are MP3 players out there that aren’t related to Apple.

There are a ton of Digital Audio Players on the market; many of which would make someone wince when looking at their price. Many of these will try to market how they are “Hi-Res Audio” certified or can run a multitude of audio codecs. The things to really look out for is the kind of Digital Audio Converter it’s using, the Amp chip that it’s paired with. If the guy reading this is wondering what the difference, they make are: Hi-Fi nerds have done the research and can be found out with a quick web search.

After doing some searching and listening to the nerds, here is what I use at the moment:

There are many DAPs like it, but this one is mine.

The Snowsky Echo Mini is a great device for $70 CND. First, it’s one of the few non-andoroid based DAPs on the market. It can’t connect to the internet or whatever, but like that’s the point of a device that isn’t the damn phone. Second, The feature set is fantastic for its price. It’s got a pair of DACs for each ear, allowing it to send lots of juice out the two ports it has; one 3.5 mm output and a 4.4 mm balanced output. The latter is what I got the aftermarket cable for, as the balanced output outputs almost 3v and gives me way more headroom for volume. An added bonus is that it can play DSD/DSF cause the DAC it uses can decode it; not sure where I can get DSD/DSF files worth listening too or who even offers those these days.

This is really at the end of the advice I can personally give; past this point is where we get into the significant amounts of diminishing returns. More expensive DACs offer in-device EQs and additional ports for those who really want to dial in their sound, and headphones can really reach insane prices even before getting an expensive amp to power them. In the end, the most important thing is to enjoy the music and to not fuss if the equipment being used the best. 

#

[darkmaga-returns]

By Nicolas Hulscher, MPH

The study titled, Hypothesis: ultrasonography can document dynamic in vivo rouleaux formation due to mobile phone exposure, was recently published in Frontiers in Cardiovascular Medicine:

Carrying a cellphone against the body has become commonplace in our world replete with smartphones. Acute and chronic health effects caused by these devices emitting radiofrequency radiation from multiple antennas have not been well evaluated. In this study, the popliteal vein of a healthy volunteer was imaged with ultrasonography prior to and following the placement of an idle, but active smartphone against her knee for 5 min [Apple iPhone XR smartphone operating on the AT&T mobile network—Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, and cellular data antennas were all turned on, but the phone was otherwise inactive and idle.]. Pre-exposure longitudinal sonographic images demonstrate a normal anechoic lumen to the popliteal vein. Images obtained 5 min after direct skin exposure to the smartphone demonstrate a dramatic change in the acoustic appearance of the vessel. The interior of the vessel became coarsely hypoechoic with sluggish flow seen in real-time images, a typical sonographic appearance for rouleaux formation. A follow up examination performed 5 min after the subject walked around yielded continued rouleaux formation in the popliteal vein, albeit less dramatic than that observed immediately post exposure. This revolutionary in vivo method to assess radiofrequency radiation induced rouleaux formation should be further pursued in the general population to determine its prevalence and if its occurrence provides a unique biomarker of exposure that may predict morbidity.

To illustrate this study in an easy-to-understand diagram, I created the following graphic:

[digitaldetoxworld]

"Top Reasons to Choose Philips SPA8000B for Your Home Entertainment"

 The Philips SPA8000B 5.1 Channel Multimedia Speaker System is a powerful and stylish home theater machine designed for audio enthusiasts who want to experience immersive sound with out spending a fortune. Manufactured through Philips, a famous and relied on logo in consumer electronics, the SPA8000B offers a balanced blend of overall performance, aesthetics, and features. Let’s dive into a detailed review of this popular speaker gadget.

Philips SPA8000B surround sound speaker setup

 1. Overview and Design

The Philips SPA8000B is a 5.1 channel multimedia speaker machine, because of this it consists of five satellite tv for pc speakers and one subwoofer. 

The layout is sleek and contemporary, featuring a matte black finish with sleek accents. The subwoofer has a digital display on the the front and a rotary extent knob, giving it a top rate sense. The satellite speakers are compact and well-built, letting them be positioned effortlessly on cabinets, set up on walls, or located round your room for a real cinematic experience.

The general design of the SPA8000B is supposed to blend properly with cutting-edge interiors whilst nonetheless standing out sufficient to sense like a chunk of premium system.

2. Sound Quality

The most important issue of any speaker device is its sound great, and the SPA8000B grants well for its charge variety.

Power Output: The total RMS output of 120W (45W subwoofer + five x 15W satellite tv for pc audio system) is more than enough for a medium to big room.

Bass: The subwoofer produces deep and punchy bass, making action films, song tracks, and games sound complete-bodied. The bass is adjustable via the onboard controls or far flung.

Surround Sound Effect: When nicely placed, the five.1 setup creates a great surround sound enjoy. Although it lacks superior deciphering capabilities like Dolby Digital, the simulated surround continues to be immersive for informal customers.

Whether you are looking a thriller, taking note of classical tune, or gaming, the sound enjoy is wealthy and exciting.

3. Connectivity and Compatibility

The Philips SPA8000B is equipped with multiple connectivity alternatives, making it a versatile system:

Bluetooth: You can easily pair your cellphone, pc, or tablet and move song wirelessly. 

USB and SD Card Slot: Plug and play your favourite MP3s immediately the use of a pen pressure or reminiscence card.

AUX Input: Use a wellknown three.5mm AUX cable to attach the machine to your TV, PC, or cell device.

RCA Input: This is good for connecting with DVD players or set-pinnacle containers for home leisure.

FM Radio: The built-in FM tuner helps you to concentrate in your favorite radio stations without needing any additional tool.

This huge type of input alternatives means the SPA8000B may be used with almost any audio supply you have got.

Four. Build Quality and Durability

Philips is known for durable merchandise, and the SPA8000B isn't any exception. The subwoofer is solid and weighty, with a wood cabinet that complements acoustic overall performance. The satellite audio system are sturdy and feature a smooth finish. All additives experience well-assembled and sturdy.

Many users have suggested that even after years of regular use, the machine continues to paintings reliably with minimal troubles. That speaks volumes approximately its build quality.

Five. Ease of Use

The system comes with a far off manage that permits you to adjust extent, change input modes, bypass tracks, and manage bass/treble settings. The far off is compact and person-pleasant, although it could be progressed with a backlight or extra tactile buttons.

Setting up the speaker device is easy. Each speaker is color-coded and the ports at the again of the subwoofer are actually marked. Whether you’re tech-savvy or a novice, you'll have no hassle getting it up and running.

The only factor to hold in mind is proper placement of the satellite speakers for nice surround impact—preferably, they ought to be positioned at ear stage and spaced across the listening region.

6. Performance in Different Use Cases

Movies: Explosions, historical past ratings, and dialogues all come thru without a doubt. The bass gives intensity to movement sequences, at the same time as the satellites ensure that voices and ambient sounds are heard surprisingly.

Music: From bass-heavy genres like EDM and hip-hop to greater acoustic or vocal-rich tracks, the system handles all of it with confidence. Equalizer settings to your source device can further beautify the experience.

Gaming: When linked to a console or PC, the device provides a new stage of immersion. Gunfire, footsteps, and background sounds make you sense like you are inside the game world.

Everyday Listening: Thanks to Bluetooth and USB options, it is best for everyday music or casual use around the house.

7. Pros and Cons

Pros:

Great sound exceptional for the charge

Deep, punchy bass with adjustable settings

Wide connectivity options (Bluetooth, USB, SD, AUX, RCA)

Elegant and durable layout

Easy to set up and use

Reliable brand with sturdy provider aid

Cons:

No HDMI or optical enter

No Dolby/DTS aid

Remote manipulate is fundamental

Bluetooth model is older (limited range and no aptX assist)

FM antenna quality is average

eight. Price and Value for Money

The Philips SPA8000B is generally priced round ₹9,000–₹11,000 in India (as of latest years). For this rate, it gives first rate price. While audiophiles might also prefer more pricey systems with superior decoding and HDMI input, the average person seeking out a powerful and stylish speaker machine for home use might be more than glad.

Considering its sturdiness and regular overall performance, the system pays for itself over the years. It is particularly ideal for customers upgrading from fundamental 2.1 or stereo systems.

Nine. Ideal Buyer

This system is ideal for:

Students or young specialists who need a powerful home audio setup

Families looking for an low cost home theater machine for their residing room

Gamers who need better in-recreation audio without breaking the financial institution

Anyone upgrading from small audio system to a five.1 surround sound setup

Intex IT fm Review

[mariacallous]

Owners of Spotify's soon-to-be-bricked Car Thing device are begging the company to open source the gadgets to save some the landfill. Spotify hasn't responded to pleas to salvage the hardware, which was originally intended to connect to car dashboards and auxiliary outlets to enable drivers to listen to and navigate Spotify.

Spotify announced this week that it's bricking all purchased Car Things on December 9 and not offering refunds or trade-in options. On a support page, Spotify says:

We're discontinuing Car Thing as part of our ongoing efforts to streamline our product offerings. We understand it may be disappointing, but this decision allows us to focus on developing new features and enhancements that will ultimately provide a better experience to all Spotify users.

Spotify has no further guidance for device owners beyond asking them to reset the device to factory settings and “safely” get rid of the bricked gadget by “following local electronic waste guidelines.”

The company also said that it doesn’t plan to release a follow-up to the Car Thing.

Early Demise

Car Thing came out to limited subscribers in October 2021 before releasing to the general public in February 2022.

In its Q2 2022 earnings report released in July, Spotify revealed that it stopped making Car Things. In a chat with TechCrunch, it cited “several factors, including product demand and supply chain issues.” A Spotify rep also told the publication that the devices would continue to “perform as intended,” but that was apparently a temporary situation.

Halted production was a warning sign that Car Thing was in peril. However, at that time, Spotify also cut the device’s price from $90 to $50, which could have encouraged people to buy a device that would be useless a few years later.

Car Thing's usefulness was always dubious, though. The device has a 4-inch touchscreen and knob for easy navigation, as well as support for Apple CarPlay, Android Auto, and voice control. But it also required users to subscribe to Spotify Premium, which starts at $11 per month. Worse, Car Thing requires a phone using data or Wi-Fi connected via Bluetooth in order to work, making the Thing seem redundant.

In its Q1 2022 report, Spotify said that quitting Car Thing hurt gross margins and that it took a 31 million euro (about $31.4 million at the time) hit on the venture.

Open Source Pleas

Spotify's announcement has sent some Car Thing owners to online forums to share their disappointment with Spotify and beg the company to open source the device instead of dooming it for recycling centers at best. As of this writing, there are more than 50 posts on the Spotify Community forums showing concern about the discontinuation, with many demanding a refund and/or calling for open sourcing. There are similar discussions happening elsewhere online, like on Reddit, where users have used phrases like “entirely unacceptable” to describe the news.

A Spotify Community member going by AaronMickDee, for example, said:

I'd rather not just dispose of the device. I think there is a community that would love the idea of having a device we can customize and use for other uses other than a song playback device. Would Spotify be willing to maybe unlock the system and allow users to write/flash 3rd party firmware to the device?

A Spotify spokesperson declined to answer Ars' questions about why Car Thing isn't being open sourced and concerns around e-waste and wasted money.

Instead, a company rep told Ars, in part: “The goal of our Car Thing exploration in the US was to learn more about how people listen in the car. In July 2022, we announced we’d stop further production and now it’s time to say goodbye to the devices entirely.” I followed up with Spotify's rep to ask again about making the device open source but didn't hear back.

At this point, encouraging customers to waste nearly $100 on a soon-obsolete device hasn't resulted in any groundbreaking innovations or lessons around “how people listen in the car.” In their initial response, Spotify's rep pointed me to a Spotify site that searches Spotify's newsroom for “how to listen to Spotify in the car.” One of the top posts is from 2019 and states that “if your car has an AUX or USB socket, using a cable is probably one of the fastest ways to connect by using your phone.”

As for Spotify, using customer dollars for company-serving learning experiences isn't the best business plan. And for regular users, it's best to avoid investing in an unproven hardware venture from a software company.

As Redditor Wemie1420 put it:

Doesn’t feel great that there is literally no alternative other than trashing it. Feels like we’re being punished for supporting them. Dissuades me from buying anything Spotify puts out in the future. I feel like there would be some way to approach this without being like, ‘yeah we’re done. Just throw it out it’s a waste of money now.’