#getting flashbacks of dinosaur pjs

[elliesmith33]

I know everyone is ready to get back to their partner in the main villa but I’m terrified of what happens to Andy when I bring him back. 😭

[misslilli]

Happy Halloween guys 👻 and thank you so much for your feedback ❤️

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13 | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 40 - Christmas Break (6/?)

[ FM ]

I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate Diana more than I already do, but seeing our son like this, my disdain for her grows out of proportion. She used him for her own personal gain, to weasel her way back into our lives because of what? Boredom? Does she get up in the morning thinking today might be a good day to hurt someone’s feelings?

I sit up against the headboard and open my sheets for Felix to crawl into my lap, burying his face into my neck. I get many flashbacks to the very same situation and in this moment, he’s back to being a little three-year old boy unable to understand why.

Rubbing his back soothingly, his sobs stab my heart like a thousand tiny swords.

“Why… didn’t she… at least… say goodbye… Dad?”

“I don’t know, Felix… I’m sorry, baby!”

Nothing is worse for any parent than seeing their child hurt, I can’t do anything except sit here with him until he’s worn himself out. When he does and the tears subside, he sits up and glares at me indignantly, wiping at his cheek with the back of his hand. “I’m not a baby!” I can’t help the laugh escaping my lips and I wipe his other cheek gently.

“You’ll always be my baby, whether you’re three or thirty years old!” His face twists into a grimace at this information, but I can see that there’s a smile lurking somewhere in there. Looking down at his hands picking at a stray piece of lint on his pj’s, he talks more to the lint than to me, thoughtfully.

“We had such a good time, Dad, I thought you’d get back together this Christmas, I even made you guys hot-chocolate! Why didn’t it work? It worked so well with Miss Scully and I!” At the mention of Scully, I wince inwardly. Not only because I have to tell her what happened, but because Felix is so attached to her, I’m not sure if he’ll be happy to hear we’re dating or if it’ll be just another source of pain for him. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, right now, I need to make him see reason about his mother and I.

I think about it for a moment, choosing my words carefully. “Look, Felix. I get that you want us to be a family again, I really do. I’ve wished for the very same thing when I was little, for a long time. But your mom and I… we don’t work, and we never will, we’re just too different.” ‘And I hate her’, I add in my head.

Felix nods slowly, his face disappointed. “I just want to have a family again. I want two people to care for me, you’re doing a great job Dad, I just sometimes wish things were… different, like they are for my friends.”

I smooth a comforting hand over his unruly hair. “I know. Maybe someday, we’ll find someone who’d like to complete our family?”

“You mean like a step-mom?” He’s not too thrilled by this concept, apparently.

“Like someone warm and funny and caring, someone who’ll make both of our lives better. How bout that?”

“Huh… yeah I’d like that.” The hopeful eyes that shine up at me tug hard on my heartstrings. “Where do we find someone like that, Dad?””

—————

[ Felix ]

Grandma and Auntie Sam try their very best to distract me and make me feel better, I even get unlimited hugs from Grandma, which I take advantage of all day, clinging to her side when it’s finally time to open my presents.

I was really excited for Christmas this year, but this morning has really put a damper on my spirits, I don’t want to be sad on Christmas!.

Unwrapping my presents while eating cookies on the couch, getting crumbs everywhere, really helps - brings back some of my lost spirit!

My dad got me the coolest gift in the world, a rocket that we have to put together and we can set it off in our backyard! Awesome! I give him a big hug thanking him about a thousand times, he really is the best Dad in the world.

Grandma has given me socks (yawn - but they’ve got dinosaurs on it, so still kind of cool).

Auntie Sam hits it out of the park though, no pun intended, as she gives me a Disney gift card. At first, I’m confused.

“Auntie Sam, thank you, but what do I do with this? I’m way too old for stuffed animals, I’m already seven!” She gives me a nudge and laughs, shaking her head.

“Fe, that’s not just for any store, it’s for actual Disneyland. I’m taking you when you guys come visit me in LA in February!” I sit there stunned for a moment, staring at the gift-card in my hands.

“Wow! That’s awesome Auntie Sam, thank you so much!!” Sam deserves the biggest hug in the world I can give her and also an award and a medal for being such an amazing aunt!

The last gift left is the one from my mom and I turn it over in my hands several times, suddenly sad again that she’s not here to give it to me herself. After unwrapping it, I see that it’s a book, which would be a perfect gift because I really love books. But it’s one of those first readers books, the ones that have some pictures instead of words and huge letters.

“Huh. Doesn’t she know that I already know how to read proper books?” I give my dad a pointed look. “But not Harry Potter because I’m way too young for that!”

I hate the fact that Dad has forbidden me to read the book Miss Scully gave me for my birthday because I’m supposedly too young for it. Ugh. So unfair.

He just shrugs, a it-is-what-it-is kind of shrug and says “You should call your mom and thank her for the gift, Felix!”

“Ugh, do I have to?” I use my best whiny voice to get out of this phone call, I really don’t want to talk to her right now. Although, it might give me a chance to ask her why she left without a goodbye, but I’m so not good at confronting my mom.

My dad just place his phone into my hand silently and the look on his face tells me I better do what he says.

I close the door to my bedroom and flop down into my big armchair, I know Dad’s passcode by now because it’s his birthday and dial my mom’s number with a thumping heart.

“What the hell do you want?” I cringe at her hostile voice, that’s not a very nice way to pick up a phone!

“Mom it’s me…”

“Felix? Oh I’m sorry, I thought… I’m glad you called, did you get my gift?”

“Yeah, thank you, it’s a nice gift.” I pause for a while, picking at a stray piece of lint on my pants, almost not daring to ask the next question.

“Mom, why did you leave without saying goodbye?” There’s a sigh at the end of the line.

“I’m sorry Felix, your dad and I got into a big fight yesterday, a really bad one, and your Grandma kicked me out. I was so sad to leave this morning, I couldn’t bear to look at your face when I told you they made me go!”

What? They made her go? They ruined my Christmas? My throat is so tight right now I can barely speak, this is unbelievable.

“Listen Felix, I’ve got to hang up now, I just got a call from work and it might be important. But we’ll talk soon okay? Bye now.”

“Mh-hm okay. Bye mom!”

I’m confused, sad and a little lost at the same time, on one hand, I can’t imagine Dad or Grandma just kicking Mom out for no reason, on the other hand, she did just tell me they did and I think she wouldn’t lie to me. I have no idea who to listen to or who to believe anymore.

A name in the recent contacts list has caught my eye before though and I know exactly can help me out with this, someone I’m sure will be honest with me and who’s a pretty good listener.

I’m a bit startled when I press my finger on her name that a video call comes up and hope to God that I won’t get into too much trouble for this.

—————

[ DS ]

My family and I are gathered around the Christmas tree after the kids have opened their presents and we get a little bit of peace and quiet as they play with their new toys relatively quietly.

I jump in surprise when my phone buzzes in my pocket and I’m even more surprised that it’s Mulder calling me - it’s not anywhere close to 9pm. I wonder what he wants.

“I’ll be right back guys!,” my sister raises a confused eyebrow as I excuse myself from the gathering, taking the stairs two at a time to get to the privacy of my room. A little breathless, I pick up and have to smile, the only thing that’s visible on the screen is an unruly head of brown hair.

“Hey! You’re pretty early!”

“Huh? Early for what?” The puzzled face that belongs to the head of hair appears on-screen and I’m even more surprised than he is, it’s not my Mulder but his little mini-me.

“Felix??”

“Hey Miss Scully!” His small voice is a far cry from the usually outgoing kid who can’t talk quietly to save his life, which gives me pause.

“What’s wrong Felix?” He just looks at me for a moment, chewing his bottom lip, unsure of what to say.

“I’m sorry to call you like this, my dad will probably be really mad that I used his phone to do it, but I really need someone to talk to, is that okay? I know you’re a really good listener!” I settle back onto the bed to get more comfortable and nod at the solemn face staring back at me.

“Yeah, of course. What’s on your mind?”

He tells me the story of what happened the past few days and this morning and it breaks my heart into a million pieces to hear the sadness in his voice and the confusion. It makes me want to hug him so hard to help him ease the pain, but of course, I can’t, I’m a few hundred miles away right now. So all I can do is listen and ask a few questions here and there.

“What do you think I should do, Miss Scully?,” he asks at the end of his story.

“Do you think your dad would lie to you if you asked him about it?” Will he tell me the truth when we talk? Because I have a lot of questions for him myself.

“No, I don’t think so. He doesn’t lie to me.”

“Okay, then you go and ask him, I’m sure you’ll feel better once this has been cleared up! I know it’s hard but you can do it, you’re Felix the Brave after all!” That one gets me a small smile from the little boy and he nods resolutely.

“Mhkay, if you say so, it must be true huh? Thank you so much Miss Scully, I knew you would help me! And please don’t mention this call to Dad, he’ll be sooo mad at me!”

“Sure, it’ll be our little secret. Good luck, Felix, and Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Miss Scully!”

As the screen goes black again, I stay seated on my bed for a while, lost in my thought. What the hell happened last night? I’m trying my very best not to imagine the worst case scenario in my head.

I guess I’ll find out tonight if he brings the most important quality I’m looking for in a man’s character to the table: Honesty..

[aboutafox]

WIP Time

I started writing “Far From Home” sometime in the summer of 2019 and I honestly didn’t expect it to take so long to finish. I probably thought I would be done by Christmas. Haha. Yeah, that one didn’t work out so well.

Since the writing process has been going on forever, I started several other WIPs in the mean time (because that makes total sense).

Anyway, I read over one of those WIPs last night and I still really like it. It has this rainy afternoon mood to me and is a much smaller beast (even though it’s still a multi-chapter fic) than FFH. I hope I can finish it, once I have the other story out of the way.

For some unfathomable reason, I decided that I wanted to write a story about the No.1 Bangel trope aka “What if there were certain consequences to IWRY?” last year. At the same time I watched the PBS documentary Vietnam and somehow this ended up making one story. The plot unravels on two timelines. One that goes forward from an inciting moment in chapter one, and one that goes backward from that moment through different flashbacks all the way back to Thanksgiving 1999. I don’t know if that would drive readers crazy. Probably. In my head it seems cool XD.

Here’s the first un-betaed chapter.

Someday

Fandom: BtVS/AtS Pairing: Buffy/Angel, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Fred Warning: None, IWRY Trope Supreme (in case you are averse to that) Wordcount: ~ 1800 (in this chapter) AN: Don’t get confused by the time frame and ages. I said the plot was a bit more tangled than just not remembering what happened on a day that wasn’t.

Chapter 1 - The First Time You Met

October 2007

It's dark outside when Buffy and Willow return to the castle. The estate is shrouded in a cloak of purple and onyx-grey. The lights in the windows glow like signal fires on the stone facade. Buffy puts her hand on the iron handle of the ancient double doors, and a slight tingle passes through her fingers. The metal warms under her grip, and with a creak and a sigh, the lock opens up, ready to give way to the building. The entrance to the castle is old; the spells not so much.

"I should be used to this by now, but home-automation-magic never ceases to amaze me," Buffy says.

"Psh." Willow waves her hand dismissively. "It's actually a really simple spell."

“Buffy raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

For some people, at least," Willow concedes.

Buffy humors her friend, although she knows the spell is incredibly complex. It took Willow, Tara and three powerful Elder-Witches of the Devon Coven two entire weeks to set it up. It isn't just a protective charm, but an enchantment that recognizes the people who live in the castle as well as their intentions. Only those considered friends are allowed to enter, and only as long as no force or coercion is involved.

Buffy holds onto the handle a moment longer, chanting her personal incantation. "Please be asleep. Please be asleep," she murmurs.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" Willow teases.

"Hope dies last? It's after ten and he’s been in preschool all day. If he's still up, he'll be completely exhausted tomorrow." Buffy pushes the door open at last.

They tip-toe into the entry hall of the castle. Not that it makes a difference, but it feels like anything louder would unnecessarily jinx Buffy's luck. The foyer is only dimly lit, the few wall lamps are dousing the room in a soft and sleepy light. On the ceiling above them, small dots twinkle. A magic night sky has appeared on the vaulted arches, complete with stars and crescent moon, mimicking the firmament outside. A soft murmur resonates from somewhere upstairs, quiet footsteps pad along a far off hallway. Everyone who's scheduled for patrol or a mission tonight has already headed out, and a peaceful slumber has enfolded the building, the castle a sleeping beauty itself. 

Buffy gives Willow a hopeful smile.

Her friend raises her hands thumbs up. 

They exhale.

Then the hectic splat-splat-splat of gripper socks on worn-down sandstone tile shred the calm apart. A figure whips around a corner and crosses the entrance hall in a jubilant victory run. Blonde hair flying. Eyes wide open. A grin stretched from ear to ear, one tooth missing in the front.

"Mom! Mommy! Mom!" The shouts echo from the stone pillars and the walls and the noble lords and ladies in the baroque paintings seem to startle a little at the exuberance.

DJ jumps forward as Buffy kneels down and opens her arms. It's a practiced routine, their welcome ritual.

Willow laughs, "Told you. Nobody puts our baby in a corner."

Skinny arms encircle Buffy's neck and hold onto her tightly. Whatever she has hoped for a few minutes ago, being welcomed home like this is well worth any extra effort tomorrow. They have only been apart for two days, but now a wave of missing him and the pure joy of being together again washes over her. She kisses his forehead and nuzzles the side of his neck, and he squeals. DJ returns her affections with a big wet kiss on the cheek. He smells of minty toothpaste. The soapy scent of face wash. The clean cotton freshness of blue dinosaur PJs. And a whiff of Eau Sauvage. 

Buffy freezes as the fragrance hits her. She hasn't noted the scent in years, but the flood of images that it releases, drowns out all other thoughts in her mind.

This isn't right.

"Mommy! Are you listening?! He fought a dragon! A real dragon!"

"What? What baby? Who fought what?" Buffy tries to focus, to pull her thoughts back to the here and now.

DJ fidgets in her arms, widely gesticulating with his hands. Pulling on her jacket. Punching the air. Making roaring sounds. Telling her of dragons and a man, no not just a man, a hero, who battled monsters in a mystical land beyond the night with his ragtag gang of misfit champions. 

Buffy can’t keep up. Which one of the Watchers has told DJ such a lurid tale? He is anything but tired and bedtime slowly but surely creeps further and further away. 

"Buffy?" Dawn appears from the same hallway as DJ, her face is frozen stiff in an overextended smile that usually belongs to car salesmen and Tupperware ladies. "Hi guys," Dawn greets them again in a hushed, placating voice. "Good trip?" She continues without waiting for an answer. "So Buff, Buffy, before you freak. Let me explain. DJ and I ran into him in town this afternoon, when we were shopping. Like during the day. Oh my god. I almost had a heart attack." She moves her hand over her heart. "I don't even know how DJ found him. But he like zeroed in on him right away. It was totally crazy. And he's actually here to...well he can tell you himself. But I said he could come over and stay the night. We have so much room. I didn't think you would mind. And...I hope you don't." Dawn whispers and rattles down the sentences at the same time.

"Dawn? I didn't get a thing you said. Who did you meet? Why would I be mad?" Buffy looks from Dawn to DJ, trying hard to decide who to make sense of first.

"Err, Buffy…" Willow has taken a step closer to them, and her hand grabs Buffy's shoulder, pinching it tightly. "Really, don't freak because I kinda am."

Buffy looks towards the hallway that leads to the common rooms for a third time.

Another figure has appeared in the dark corridor. He makes no sound as he walks down the hallway in slow, measured steps. His movements fluid and lithe, a living shadow, no motion in excess. Even without seeing his face, Buffy would recognize that walk a thousand times over. Could tell him apart from a row of a hundred men.

Blood starts to rush to her head. Her chest constricts. She feels dizzy. It can't be. He's dead. He's long dead and never coming back. She accepted that fact years ago. For a moment, she thinks she will throw up right here and now, or faint, but then her slayer-senses kick in and help her get a hold of herself. She takes a slow breath and pushes all feelings down.

A small cloud that covered the moon in the magic ceiling sky moves, and a dusty ray of reflected light breaks through. 

He steps into its muted halo.

"Angel?" Buffy whispers.

DJ struggles and squirms in her embrace. "Mommy. That's too tight." She drops her arms and lets him go.

"Sorry. Buddy. Sorry." One of Buffy's hands moves up to cover her mouth, as if it was trying to hold in all the ghosts of emotions that suddenly want to escape.

"Hi," Angel says. His voice raspy as if it hasn't been used much as of late.

"You're alive." She can barely turn the thought into a phrase, fearful that he will vanish if she says the words out loud.

"Well...not entirely."

"Yeah, but you're..."

"I'm here."

She gets up from her crouch, trying to suppress the shake in her legs. Moving into a standing position takes forever. She doesn't know if someone is talking to her. If there are still other people in the entry hall or if everyone has left.

He looks exactly the same. His skin pale. His eyes deep dark pools. His cheekbones high and slightly gaunt. Everything is exactly as Buffy remembers. Except for his hair. His hair is different. It is shorter on the sides and combed somewhat over. It's a different side-part. Or maybe it's always been like that. She's so occupied aligning her mental image of Angel with the man in front of her that she forgets they were having a  conversation. 

From the corner of her eye, she sees Willow moving past her in slow motion. Willow's arms lift and move around Angel at a glacial pace. Willow hugs him and calls his name out loud. Her voice surprised and delighted. 

And with that, the world around Buffy snaps back to normal speed again.

"Angel. Wow. You are here. How are you? How long has it been? Five years?" Willow exclaims.

"More like six here?"

"I -- wow -- How are the Phantom Forces? Or what do they call them? The Ghost Brigades?"

Angel shrugs and smiles and politely answers all the questions he's asked. He's fine. It's been longer for him than for them, how much he doesn't know. Time passes differently in other dimensions. They have recently gained a major victory against the demon armies of the Old Ones. So he's on leave. Angel seems attentive, but his gazes wanders from Willow over to Buffy, and then to DJ. There's confusion in his eyes and maybe something akin to disappointment.Then something else flutters across Angel's features like the wing beat of a moth, barely detectable, but when it has come and gone, it has drained all emotion from his face. Buffy knows that look. The ramparts are raised, and all the walls are up. She remembers the expression from the times when she asked too many questions about his past. From the months after he came back from hell. From their meeting right after she came back from the dead.

Buffy herself hasn't moved. Her feet and her legs are made of lead. She can't take a step, even if she wants to. She has played this moment over a million times in her mind, but now her brain is only white noise and static.  

Another moment passes that feels like an eternity.

Then Dawn sweeps in and picks DJ up. "Alright, time for bed," she calls.

There are squealing protests and calls for more dragon stories that only subside when Dawn lets him ride piggy-back up the ornate wooden staircase.

"Good night, guys! See you tomorrow." Dawn shouts when she reaches the landing that leads to the first floor. "Angel, Buffy, and Willow can show you where the guest rooms are if you don't find them again."