#getting his first hug from Runar is like...

[eukrasiancrisis]

Elftober #24: Keepsake

- You have my thanks, friend. Without your help I might very well have been lying in its place. I thank the sunless sea that it will feed my brethren instead.

- Pray allow me to return the favor! If you help me carry it back to the fort, I will make you a stew you will remember for the rest of your days!

- You owe me nothing. I was simply passing by. And your brothers will be here soon to help, so I will take my leave of you.

- Wait! That stone you wear around your neck...

...That is an amethyst heartstone, is it not?

- ... - ...Who are you, friend? I have never seen your face in these woods, yet your companions seem familiar with my scent. You are no Blessed, yet you wear our colors and your heartstone is cut in the same form as my fa-

- It's you... You're that boy!

- I'm sorry. - A Blessed leader gave you that heartstone, did he not?? You were the boy my father sheltered from the Children all those years ago!

- I'm so sorry. - The boy he died protecting when they came!

- There was nothing I could do, Runar- - You lived!

- But I swore an oath since to watch over you and the Blessed and on your father's heartstone I will never break it. - We'd feared the Children had taken you, or worse! - You... harbor no contempt for me? - Contempt?! Bwahah!

- Do you think I hold such little regard for my father's decisions? He took you in as one of us, and chose to defend you like he would any son of his! How could I ever see you as anything but a brother?

- Watch over us if you must, but pray do it not out of remorse, but out of kinship.

[secretwhumplair]

Solstice, p.0

701 words | No Warrior (sequel to Swords)

Content | Fear, angst, low self-worth

Notes | Runar telling Yves about upcoming community events. With ~everyone~! How fun!

Taglist | @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi​​ @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​​ @whump-me-all-night-long​​​​ @whumpadump1939​​ @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight​​ @whumpzone​​ @angel-stars​​ @kixngiggles​​ @whumpsy-daisies​​ @briars7​​ @yet-another-heathen​​ @rosesareviolentlyread​​ @cupcakes-and-pain​​ @hollowtreesinhollowwoods​​ @pleasancies​​ @much-ado-about-whumping​​ @nine-tailed-whump​​ @whump-em​​​ @itsleighlove​​ @newbornwhumperfly​​​ @tears-and-lilies @deluxewhump @whump-cravings @wolfeyedwitch @melancholy-in-the-morning @neverthelass @whumpsday

They were sitting at breakfast together when Runar began, »Yves, s̸̷͜͟͜͞͡͡ẁ̶̶̴̡̢̡͏e̴̶̢͘͟͟͞͏e͡҉̡̛́́͢͜t̴̢͡҉̵̀͢͞h҉̴̶̶̡̨̢͠ȩ̸̡̛̕͜͠͞a̸̷̛̕͘͡͞͡r̶̴̸̡͜͜͝͞t̨͜��́͠͡҉҉, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. The ś̷̡͡͏̸͘͟ơ̵̸̴̛̕͘͜l̛̛͜͏̶̀͢͝ş̴̷̵̕҉̷͘t̨̀͘̕͢͡͡͞í̷̶̡̢̨͟͜c̷̶̡̛̛̀͟͠e͡҉̡̢̛̀͡҉ is coming up.«

It wasn’t a word Yves had heard before, but it only gave him the briefest rush of anxiety. »The what?«

»Oh. The. Days will start to get longer again. The s̵ól̕s̴t̶i͡c̢e̕.«

Yves nodded; the concept he was familiar with. And it must be coming up; he hadn’t kept exact track of time, he couldn’t have - he didn’t even know, it occurred to him, when he had been rescued, how long he had been stuck in the cold, cruel bowels of the order’s castle. He idly appreciated the way he did think of it as a rescue now, the way he so very much hadn’t when Runar first laid hands on him.

But he knew it had been winter, and days had kept getting shorter, for entirely too long, and he was relieved to hear the tipping point was close.

It must have pulled a smile from him, because Runar smiled back at him.

»We’re having a big celebration. There’s going to be a bonfire and lots of food and dancing… Do you want to come?«

Yves wished he didn’t even have to think twice about it. But the thought of all the warriors assembled, a whole crowd of people surrounding him-

»Is Brandr going to be there?« He hated how small his voice sounded.

»Yes.« Runar put the word down gently like a soft little animal. »Everyone is.«

Of course. It was a solstice festival. Of course everyone would be there. How could he be so-

»But I promise I won’t leave you alone. Signy can help if I need to for a bit. It’s going to be alright.«

But it wasn’t. It already wasn’t alright. He didn’t want to need to be looked after like a pathetic child. He wanted to stand up for himself. It was a festival. He wanted to have fun. That was what festivals were for.

It had become such an alien concept - fun.

He hugged himself. »I want to come,« he murmured, and it was totally true. If only it didn’t seem so dangerous.

Runar sadly smiled at him. »You’ll be safe, I promise. But you don’t have to go if you’re uncomfortable.«

Yves considered this, considered staying alone in this hut when the whole village, including everyone who cared about him, was at a festivity someone else could easily sneak away from to find him-

There were no good options, and a bitter little voice inside him asked why he would have expected there would be.

But he wanted to go. He wanted to go and laugh and dance and enjoy himself.

He felt the tears welling up. It used to be so easy. And now - now he could barely imagine it.

He just wanted it back. He was so tired of always being afraid.

»Yves.« Runar reached out and put a hand over his. He almost flinched, and that was enough to make the tears spill over. »Hey. It’s alright, s̢̨̛͘͡͞͠͞ẁ̶̷̨̕͢͢͜e̷̶̸̢͘̕͠͡ę̷̸̛́͘͢͝t̀͘͢͟͏̵̸̶h̶̶̷̷̀͜͞͝e̶̵̢̡̛͞͞͏a̧̧͟͝҉̵́͢r̴̸̡̕͏̡̡͟t̷̨̛҉̵͢͟͡.«

»I’m so - I’m just so tired of this. It’s a celebration, isn’t it. It should be fun.« He desperately tried to hold back the tears, swallow down his sobs. He balled his hands into fists without thinking, even under the comforting warmth of Runar’s. »I don’t want to be afraid anymore.«

»I know.« Runar gave his fist the gentlest squeeze, so soft it had nothing at all to do with the knights breaking his fingers, even to Yves. »It’s up to you. You can take a little more time before - something like this, if you want. Or you can come along if you feel ready.« When Yves remained silent, he added, »You don’t have to decide right away. Just take the time you need, okay? I will think no less of you, no matter which way you decide.«

The last words took Yves by surprise. How could Runar possibly think less of him, this weak little creature he had to take care of every day?

But then… maybe that wasn’t all he was. He had been working, at the least.

Maybe he could have a life back.

[vyrerus]

5.2 Story Impressions

Spoilers ahead for 5.2 MSQ and Ruby Weapon sidequest.

Well, a new ultima weapon huh? How’d they pull that one with the heart thingie from the first one? I guess maybe with Proto-Ultima parts and such from Azys Lla? Like that capital ship is still there stranded, but I’m sure they sent some dropships back to the homeland, maybe?

Ah yes, I’m the only one who can stop it, despite knowing quite intimately that Estinien was capable of destroying its prototype single handedly. I bet if they’d get him to team up with Gaius and Raubahn, and idk, fucking pull Merlwyb and Mistbeard out of retirement... bring Kann-e-padjali lady and her brethren as healers. Yeah, you can get it down. It’s not like it can temper people. You don’t even gotta wrangle the new primal task force, hot highlander knight and Fordola or anything. Jeez!

Ok fine, I’ll fight the FF7 reference... AFTER I GO CHECK ON THE MSQ!

Ok, they’ve got the right rock now, they’re certain. The shape kinda reminds me of a Soulstone from Diablo 2. It’d be much more realistic to assume video games from the past influence video games of the future, but I like to think this is another shared cross-culture humanity tale, like The Flood. Soul stones man. 

Hmm, Alisae is all, “I hope you don’t have to make a choice between fighting the ultimate weapon and helping out here.” Hmm, either it’s a one off plot joke or foreshadowing for whenever we get to fight Emerald Weapon. I’ll go with the latter. 

Everybody mad that crystalline catboi ain’t been sleeping... but do ya think they’re also making him bathe? Does he even sweat and get stinky anymore, being half golem? 

I wonder what the response was for, “Why not Alphinaud?” Hmm, maybe Mattoid can tell me.

Chap with an axe beat ya to it, huh? *flashback to Heavensward* Yeah, we in for some bullshit. I just hope this set of bullshit doesn’t involve Alisae getting shot with a poisoned arrow.

I kinda wish the WoL had called out the Ardbert puppet body for what it was, right then and there. If Elidibus couldn’t beat us in Zenos’s body, then he sure as hell can’t beat us with an i80 weapon. I know the masses are dumb, but c’mon, we’re the savior, and they all know that the bodies of the old First WoLs were stolen and Sin Eater’d, explain and relate it to that. Just drive the puss from the wound now. Oh jeez, of course we’re not going to do what we should do... it wasn’t in the script.

Huh, does the purple bun insinuate that the pink haired bun is dildoing herself with her staff and imagining that it’s the WoL >__> now I feel bad for not paying super hard attention to these Buns when I did the MSQ. I blame Emet Selch for stealing the show from every zone! Except like, Lakeland.

Hmm riddle of the Sphinx? But that’s not a Sphinx.. it’s a wolf, owl, snake thing...

Hmm was this ancient Bunny lady with the echo a WoL of the past or were they a person strong in the Echo raised to the station of an Ascian? Like did they help to create the Ronkan civilization? I have many questions!

Aww, Runar is sad... but also hey, this moment has a lotta meme potential if you’re perverted and shipping your WoL with Yshtola.

I thought you were supposed to be good at this... actually I never thought you were good at this. Like, the first time we met you said you didn’t mean any harm, but you lead me on a chase and attacked me with swarms of gargoyles ya white robed wimp! Get out of that body and fight me like a SORCERER OF ELD!

Ryne thinks the Tempest is otherworldly hehe. Cute kid. :) 

Wheat is sharp? How I be feeling it through my full metal gauntlet? :O Holy shit what are the people’s stomachs like on The First?!

Uriangesus! Uh oh, his soul be straining... Thancred’s too. Oiiiii veiiiiiii

Awww, sad lonely immortal whale :( I wanna give him a hug.

I just got told to go quietly... but I don’t care enough about Ryne or think she’s cute enough to actually sway me... oh well, fishing trip with the other old men.

Aww man, another remix for Sastasha.

My friend said I should do this dungeon with Trusts, but I still don’t want to use Trusts.

Sea mobs and other shenanigans. Seems like a pretty cool place. Huh, the Sahagin are turning crystals into animals... seems like we’ve found the mother load. Should be able to get that rock to work right now!

Sahagin Queen is Thicc. I said this. I got no comms because of saying this. Q.Q

Hmm, so according to these holograms they had to do what they made the beastmen tribes do for the first rendition of Extreme primals back in the 2.1+ days. Does that mean these fellows who designed Hydaelyn designed her to specifically rip out Zodiark’s heart, as to not kill the original Elidibus( you know the whole, her attack enervate the target, sundering it rather than destroying it that Emet Selch was on about)? Hmm.... is the WoL the original Elidibus or Venat? Will Yshtola ever get his thing working, or does it only respond to the WoL?

Hmm ok, so we’re not technically tempered? but what is the blessing of light exactly then? And how does Elidibus expect these WoL Juniors to ever even want to kill us? Hmmmm, I don’t think they really thought this plot thread through.

Another silently nodding joke. Teehee.

Man, it may be because I’ve been awake for 26 hours due to work, and a meeting at 12, but it really feels like the game is telling me to take a break too! I guess RL me fits right in with all these busy body heroes after all!

I feel like it should be Cyella that shows up, but I understand they had to make it any of the NPCs because of the playerbase nature to only do one job/role and not do any of the sidequest. At least they let us pick!

Zenos having a dream while robed dude with Asaheeeee or whatever that little bimbo’s name was that was Yotsuyu’s half brother’s voice muses about what that means. Mutters stuff about Emet-selch. There were a lot of Emet-selch name drops this patch.

Ok, time to finally kill Ruby Weapon.

Oh, that was easier than expected, but I still got killed by the quicksand. Whoops. 

Also holy shit, did the pilot go crunchy crunchy for that to happen?! I mean I love callbacks to Nael, but holy shit... will I still find out who the pilot was?

Aww, Au Ra orphans. Raens at that. Huh. Daddy van Baelsar... huh... well he is certainly manly enough.

When’s Cid gonna cough up blood?! I was worried for nothing!?

Ok time to do Eden... *looks at clock* nevermind. It’s time for work again. Being a functioning member of society while trying to maintain my some semblance of my hikikomori habits is hard. And my old raid lead has is already beating Savage without me now too. OTL Well, I’ll have more time to work on my Sarg character, so there’s that. 

[draw-you-coward]

Three things he was jealous of and one others envied about him, for Ikael?

3 + 1 ask meme

thank you very much for this! i quite like how it turned out :)

ao3

If Ikael were to make a list ofbits of him he wished he could replace with bits of other people, he fears itwould be unending. Not because he can think of countless things, but because nomatter what, there would always be something.

And he’s had ample time to thinkabout… quite a few somethings.

~*~

They are in Amaurot. Thancred isstanding there, arms crossed, calm and confident like none of them are. He is ablaze of white in Ikael’s Light-clouded vision; a beacon of protection withblurred edges.

Ikael cannot make out his face withoutsquinting, and even then his expression is only an outline. He tells Thancredthis, tacking on a question, and Thancred nods and lets Ikael reach out with tremblingfingers.

“I just do not know how you canbe so put-together,” Ikael whispers at him as his fingertips ghost over thefaint creases under Thancred’s eyes. “But I appreciate it. I really do.”

“Someone has to be sure of whatwe’re doing.” Thancred’s words should be smirking, but when Ikael touches hismouth, it is set in a flat line.

He is right; none of them are sure,and so he has risen to take up the task. Because of this, Ikael says, “I thinkI am going to die.”

Thancred’s jaw beneath Ikael’s thumbtightens. It unclenches after a split second, no doubt because Ikael’s touch isseeking and sensitive, but he tucks the reaction under his heart regardless.

Thancred says, “And I say youwill not. As I said, someone has to.”

Ikael closes his eyes, althoughit does not make much of a difference, and hugs Thancred. He is hugged backtightly, strong and secure. Ikael says, whispers, breathes—“Thank you.”

He wishes he could believe what inThancred does. He wishes he could believe in himself.

~*~

Really, Ikael, Thancred hadsaid to him once, in a reassuring and somewhat placating tone, I neverdevoted that much time to my aethercraft studies. I feel foolish next to Y'shtolaand Urianger as well, you know.

Thancred is a damned liar, Ikael hassince decided.

It has been two bells. Two.Bells. Ikael keeps going back to Urianger’s kitchen to stress-bake more mini-pastries,and the three—the three—scholars in the living room that are the source ofhis trouble are consuming all of them without a hint of irony.

“But it is the information thatis stored in the runes.” Y'shtola is punctuating her words with excitedjabs at what is, in Ikael’s opinion, a boring, somewhat ugly stone slab withsome scribbles on it. “That such small things imbued with such littleenchantment can hold so much knowledge…”

She shakes her head, her sharp featureseasing in awe. Urianger nods sagely, holding up a finger as he prepares his verboseaddition. Thancred is watching with that particular expression of his that saysthat he is pretending not to pay attention or care about what is being talkedabout, but is in fact paying a lot of attention and cares very deeply.

“Verily, I understandeth now whythine findings in Rak’tika hath granted thee such zeal,” Urianger says. “Thelight of learning doth shine in thine eyes like a beacon, my dear lady.”

Ikael makes a face at a wall,rolling his eyes. No one notices; they aren’t paying attention to him.

“Charming words from a newly-charmingman,” he hears Thancred say in the background before he tunes their voices outand goes to check on the tea. The shining copper kettle toots pathetically athim. Ikael stares at it balefully.

“Sometimes I feel like the onlypeople that understand me are you and me, Tootoo,” he says.

Toooootoooo, the kettlesays back. Ikael gives it a sigh and a little pat.

When he returns to the livingroom to serve the now-famous faerie tea, it is to an odd sort of atmosphere. Y'shtolais smirking a little, Urianger looks, if Ikael would ever dare to attribute theword to him, almost smug as he settles into his armchair, and Thancred isadjusting his choker and… Is he blushing?

“Uh, tea’s ready,” Ikael says unnecessarily,laying the tray down on the table.

Thancred clears his throat, quickand polite. Ikael stares at him.

“Thank you, Ikael,” Y'shtola saysdemurely, some hidden amusement in her voice the source of which Ikael is notprivy to. “Come sit with us; I think we can all agree it is best if we switchsubjects to something more, ah…”

“Anything!” Thancred interrupts. Heclears his throat again. “Er… what about that coeurl of yours, Ikael? Is she doingwell?”

He smiles, all friendly lying teeth.Ikael keeps staring at him.

~*~

“No, really, your tail is sofluffy!” Ikael runs his fine-toothed comb through the fur once again, gently separatingthe strands that have clumped together. “I wish mine grew out like this.”

“I-is that so? Well, I’m… I’mflattered! And I… I think your tail is quite perfect the way it is, Ikael.”

G’raha’s face is turned away fromhim slightly at this angle, but Ikael can still tell from the flush creeping uphis neck and the twitching of his ears that he is embarrassed. Ikael coos athim, squeezing the base of his tail gently to calm him.

For some reason it doesn’t seemto work, but Ikael stops paying mind to G’raha’s reactions, narrowing his focusto his combing. The poor dear had tripped and fallen into a mud puddle andgotten his tail so terribly, terribly dirty. Ikael is sympathetic.

“I will lend you the oils I useto clean my tail,” he says. “And—you say you do not have any?—I will look forlong-furred blends in the market and get them for you. Now, there is a specificorder and process to this, G’raha! You have to do it correctly or it will notwork; I will help you.”

He stops combing to wag hisfinger knowingly, and then starts to push out the dried mud with his fingers; thispart he has reached is too matted to comb. Poor dear, Ikael thinks forperhaps the seventh time.

Still. If Ikael hadgorgeous soft fur like this, he would take extra special care of it. Hewould spend all of his money on it too—he has quite a bit now, because he hasbeen away from the marketplace for a while, and he is itching to spend it all.Oh! Mayhaps he can buy things for G’raha’s tail and treat it as if it were hisown. Yes…

“Thank you, Ikael, that is… beyondany length I would expect you to go to for m—for my tail.” G’raha ducks his head,ears dipping. Ikael hums at him—poor dear.

“No problem!” he says amicably. Hedoes not know why G’raha is acting so self-conscious, but he hopes he will notbe like this for too long. After all, this is the least Ikael can do.

~*~

Thancred is at a loss insituations like this.

Y'shtola is hiding her gaze fromhis, holding her arm with hunched shoulders and a lack of confidence that isjarringly unlike her. Thancred does not like it—she should never be this upset,and curse that damned Ascian for making her so—but he does not… know what to doabout it.

He knows what to do with Ikael,but Y'shtola is not Ikael. And neither is Thancred, as much as right now he wisheshe were. Ikael would know what to say, what to do. Would know how to comfortwithout stepping over any unsaid boundaries, would say the right words andsound more genuine than Thancred could ever hope to.

For a while Thancred was jealousof this in a bitter sort of way, but he feels nothing but shame for that now. Heregrets the biting feeling in his chest he used to have when he would see Ikaelgive affection—to Ryne, mostly—so easily, so instinctively. All he hasto do is smile and she lights up. All he has to do is hold out a hand and Thancredhimself turns to him like a flower starved of sunlight.

That part should terrify him,honestly. But it does not.

He steps forwards, never moreaware in this moment than he has ever been of the distance between himself andanother person. Y'shtola’s face turns towards him, and Thancred extends a carefulhand, says, “May I—”

“Yes,” Y'shtola replies quickly,before he can finish his sentence. Thancred’s superficially teasing smile is cutout by his relief, and he pulls her to his chest before their eyes make contact—howeverunnecessary that may be.

She is tense, but she… relaxes, Thancredthinks. He is too busy noticing how this feels, how different Y'shtola’spresence and form both are to Ikael’s. The ties on the back of her dresscriss-cross over her bare back, exposing it, and Thancred wonders for a strangeand guarding second whether Runar has ever held her like this, touched that bareand defenseless skin.

The thought causes him to strugglewith the very weird urge to… offer her his coat or something, so he says todistract himself, “You know, you’re not that much shorter than Ikael.”

It is probably the wrong thing tosay. Y'shtola stills for a second, then replies in a decidedly flat tone, “Yourpowers of observation never cease to amaze, Thancred.”

Her head is remarkably close to Ikael-hugging-head-height.Thancred eyes her furry white ears as they twitch and fall lax, a thoughtcreeping up on him.

As if she can sense it, Y'shtola starts,“Don’t you dare—”

Too late. Thancred scratchesbehind one ear playfully and lightly at first, not wanting to risk her wrath. Y’shtolatenses once more, but then she melts into him with a quiet, almost vulnerable sigh,and Thancred tries his best not to show his shock. He had never expected that shewould allow this level of intimacy from him—but he quickly adjusts, tighteninghis arms to a more comforting pressure and rubbing the base of her ears ingentle, circular motions that he knows Ikael at the very least likes very much.If Y’shtola is letting down her defenses, no matter how unexpected, Thancred isnot going to take the matter lightly.

“You are… very good at this,” Y'shtolamumbles into his shoulder, sounding somewhat surprised herself. Thancred makesa noncommittal noise.

“I am just doing what I do with Ikael,”he answers truthfully. “You aren’t going to cry on me now, are you?”

“Ah, never mind,” says Y'shtola. “Yourmouth ruins what your body has accomplished. Hmph. I am certain you are used toit being the other way around.”

Thancred’s rubbing hand stills.She has to know what she sounds like, she has to. But he cannot check tosee if she is smirking or not, with her head angled inwards like this. Which is…probably something she is aware of. Is she doing this on purpose? Thancred feelsas if she is.

“Unfortunately, myself and mylackluster abilities are what you have to depend on right now,” he decides toreply, matching her dry tone. “But if you want me to stop…”

He makes as if to move away, and herhand clenches briefly and tightly in his coat. Smiling privately, Thancred readjustshis arms around her.

Y'shtola’s head bows furtheragainst his shoulder. “… I hate you,” she mutters after a tired second.

Thancred presses his lips herhead, light and brief. Something in that gesture—the sheer meaning of it—makeshis heart hurt for a second, as the longing he had had to tug her close to himand hold her forever after she had fallen in the pit resurfaces and floods himwith the strength of a tidal wave. He closes his eyes, opens them, inhales deeplyand pulls back on the exhale.

Thancred is not different from Ikaelin how much he cares. Because he cares deeply. So deeply, so much thatit hurts. Sometimes, it feels like an ache in his chest that will never leave. Thancredcan never not be aware of it, so strong are the feelings in his heart.

But maybe Ikael can teach him howto be better at showing it.

~*~