#gonna try to make some content w it today ✨

[mochabeanzz]

Santa came early this year 👀❤️

[1shimaru]

gonna just explain my whole day bc I can't get this ugly gut feeling out if I don't >>)

Some Good things that happened before I start, just to balance out the vibes: musical was good! chatted with the bestie a bit, eyeliner was nice, wore a p good outfit w a new shirt I bought, got a new ironing board and other stuff I needed to refill

me and my sib get into a fight in the car re:schedules

parents get into the car with ✨sudden new plans✨

everyone's talking at once, it's terrible + overwhelming, nobody knows what's going on

drop off sib at home, other sib bails, I'm the only one left to go to the ✨sudden new plan✨

as we drive to the location, I'm asked what happened with sib

parents get upset about sib, cut me off mid-story, and drive wildly

(imo the reaction was super unecessary, at least for the amount of story I got through)

~at the ✨sudden new plans✨ Location :/~

have a VERY mini break down in the bathroom bc they'd rather get upset at sib than listen to me? or let me express my frustration ig?? idrk what I wanted tbh

eat lunch quietly, listen to Divorced Dad Songs Playlist bc I'm feeling angsty 😷😷

mom is getting upset with HER sib, which gives her a stomach ache from the stress

after lunch, mom INSISTS on getting gas and going to the store while she is AUDIBLY in pain???

while we get gas, we have a bit of casual conversation, but then she cuts me off for something totally unimportant

"Do you want me to talk at all today?"

"ok [name], you can talk. go ahead."

the connection is gone, I try not to talk to her the rest of the day

~We drop off my mom at home, and leave the house to cool off from everything, returning at dinner time~

after settling in, I watch a musical!! :D

I wear my headphones so my sibs don't get annoyed by my content (I always do this)

I try to keep my reactions to a minimum/quiet, because last night I scared them with a loud gasp...

One particular moment got me out of my chair!! This moment warrants me pausing the media and expressing happiness to my siblings!! I would love to shout it to the rooftops kind of excitement!

Unfortunately, I was too Loud in expressing my Joy, and couldn't hear that I was being Annoying with my Excitement :'((((

When I talk to them, they look at me with a dull, annoyed expression

I realize nobody wants to hear about my Exciting Musical News :///

"I'll just sit back down"

"No, go, talk."

the connection is gone, I don't want to anymore, but it'll make it worse if I make a big deal out of it, so I explain quickly and try to get back to the video

It's hard to focus/enjoy watching now. I wish I could go on a walk, but it's 9pm

Basically it's like, damn nobody wants to hear me talk today 😭😭

tacking on a rant:

but hate hate it (specifically at the end of the day) when I'm actively trying to be small!! in my own home!! and *i* don't get to express fun!! my sibs get to have their music playing out loud at all times!! why is it bad when *i* make noise!! why bad for [aaron]!! why is [aaron] at fault!! how is that fair!! rrghhh it's like, only the GOOD noises, THEIR noises, are ok, it's SO important that we see THEIR noises FIRST. i'm wailing here!!!