#grumpy!Killian

[superfandomlife]

Once Upon a Time - Season 2, Episode 13: Tiny (2013)

[mccallhero]

favourite ouat scenes: 80/?

[too-pretty-for-this-mess]

Glyndon: So you're dating Niko?

Brandon: What? No! I'm just buying him an accessory since he has terrible fashion sense.

Glyndon: That's literally a wedding ring.

[lighthousepigeons]

[During the Heathens initiation]

Niko, in his mask: Run if you want to live.

Brandon: *Runs*

Niko, confused: Not like towards me though.

Brandon:

[battinscnz]

𝑩𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑵 𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 & 𝑵𝑰𝑲𝑶𝑳𝑨𝑰 𝑺𝑶𝑲𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑽: 𝑰𝑵𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑴 𝑨𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪

[sancocnutclub]

It's called "Thank you for the roller-coaster, here's yours! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :D"

present for @walviemort as a thx back for your wonderful bday gift ♥

[floorbacon]

The vibe when someone tries to contact me on my day off.

[depressedstressedlemonzest]

Stepdaddy hook here to save the day.

Jesus rumple is not going to kill henry. We all know that. You only kill kids if you're truly evil and rumple isn't.

Okay without context, that scandalized look is hilarious.

With context it's heartbreaking.

😭😭😭💔💔💔both rumple and Henry's reactions.

FUCK YOU TAMARA AND OWEN

Quit blaming each other and make a solution!

I love david. Where snow white is pure of heart and rarely is violent (minus killing someone or two for the greater good) david is all lemme beat your ASS hook!

More of david hitting hook.

Who the fuck is this kid? Looks like a young grim reaper.

Ah the lost ones. Aka creepy versions of the lost boys.

Fucking mother superior blue fairy. She seems to have her own fucking agenda. And part of it is screwing over rumple.

LEEROOOOY😭😭😭

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Fuck pirating, the sea of baby fever is for me

Barbie dolls: Killian Hook Jones x pregnant reader

Word: 3.3K

Summary: you and Killian have a loving night of sex and few months later you find yourself trapped in the echo cave with only one secret: your pregnancy

Warning:aside from the pregnancy thing it's gender neutral, sex mentioned and extremely briefly described, Echo cave, cuz I like that episode, highly unlikely pregnancy but lets pretend it's just ovulation and Killian j has really great swimmers, suspend you disbelief for me 🙏, you're best friends w Emma, I don't think that's a warning but I felt it should be said, yeah and cursing that's it

Storybrooke was a lovely place to live. The townspeople were devoted to the community. Maybe it was because they were all fairytale creatures who couldn’t find full comfort in the modern world.

You came to town with Emma. A strange proposition from your friend and soon enough your bags were packed and you were sharing a new apartment with your closest friend who was in the middle of a custody battle, Adorbs.

 Through all the drama and struggles and threats to your safety, you were struggling to find peace in your daily life. As you met more and more of the characters you read about over a hundred times, you forgot how desensitized you were from crazy.

That was only furthered when you met a man with a hook and a ship. When his name fell from his lips you froze in place. Your brain worked double time to come to terms with that you unfortunately found the real-life Captain Hook. You almost laughed in his face, but you swallowed your thoughts of how absurd your life was and shook his hand. 

Even worse it was evident the attraction was mutual. He made far too many comments at you, though you never disliked it. You feigned annoyance, he even offered to stop. You stayed silent when he asked if you wanted him to stop. Hook chuckled and nodded, muttering about how it was exactly what he expected. You can only wander around town and run into him so many times before your resolve breaks. 

The final straw was so insanely boring and domestic you even disliked that it was your final straw. You and Emma were on your weekly grocery shopping trip. Emma couldn’t give up the reins of the cart, instead slapping your hands away. You took up the job of searching the list and dropping your items into the cart. Emma ranted to you about unsure sheriff problems, going into insane detail. She finished the story as you finished the first half of the list. She sighed and relaxed her face, erasing the almost perpetual wrinkle between her eyebrows. You gave her a comforting smile and patted her shoulder. You started explaining to her your struggles. You headed three feet away from the cart, getting Henry’s favorite cereal from the shelf. 

“Of course, I told Grumpy that. Of course, I was met with grumpiness. I just told him I would like him to stop leaving his coal dust all offer the diner tables. I told him we have a bathroom with a working sink and he told me I should shut up and work in the mines myself. I told him I’m not diminishing your work, I know you work very hard. Your work is the backbone of our town, however, you could wash your hands before-“ As you joined Emma at the cart, dropping the box in the cart, Hook decided your shopping was an open invitation. He stood at the foot of the cart, smiling at the both of you. Emma sighed and dropped her shoulders, leaning closer down to the cart. 

“Can we help you, Hook?” Emma asked. Hook ignored her, moving his eyes to you. He rolled his shoulders, straightening his back. He tucked his hook into his belt. 

“Are you busy this weekend?” Hook asked, still ignoring Emma’s protests of his nearby existence. You held your breath, trying to find the proper reaction in your mind. Your hand traveled under the cart and held onto Emma’s hand on the handle. 

“I just think we could enjoy a meal together.” Hook added, looking away from you as you continued to stare mouth agape at him. Emma’s hold on your hand tightened, trying to gain your attention. It did nothing. 

Your mind reeled trying to calculate what exactly was happening. Captain Hook from the fairy tale Peter Pan was asking you out on a date. Aside from the obvious glaring strangeness staring at you, it was startling anyway. You just assumed he was more of a flirt-and-do-nothing-about-it type and not like a flirt-and-actually-do-something-about-it type. Emma’s elbow quickly jutted out and right into your ribs. You groaned and released her hand. You pressed your palm into the spot where you suspected a bruise to be growing in a few hours. 

“Right, well. If you’re a little busy right now,  I can go. Obviously, you’re going through a little something now.” Hook muttered, taking a step back away from your basket. Your hand shot out towards him. 

“No, I'm free. All weekend actually.” You said, a little too eagerly for your liking. You released your rib, hiding your hands behind your back. Hook froze and stared at you for a moment which made your stomach twist. He nodded like he was finally accepting it. He left soon after giving you the details of when you were going to meet at Granny’s. You turned to Emma, finding her reading the nutrition facts of a jar of alfredo sauce 

“Did you know that alfredo sauce has 4% iron?” Emma muttered. You stared at her, finding your mind empty with responses. 

“Wow.” You whispered, letting her have her moment. Emma nodded and st the sauce back into the cart, pushing it forward again. ”You don’t have a reaction from what just happened?” You asked, glancing down at the list again. Emma snorted. 

“Oh please. He asked me for advice on how to ask you out. Not to mention the tension between you two is so dense, I can barely breathe.” Emma pulled down a bag of pita chips. You hummed, taking the bag out of her hands and throwing it into the cart. 

The date was the start of something fresh and freeing. Killian was charming and your laughs were so loud and constant Granny kept glancing over at your table. You didn’t notice, smiling at Killian so bright he forgot where he was. The food at Granny’s was always good but it was outshined by the warmth spreading between the two of you. His flirting was nothing like having his full attention. An entire evening dedicated to furthering the relationship between you two. 

You both awkwardly stood outside the door to Granny’s after, staring at each other. You thought through the night, choosing your next actions slowly. You smiled at Killian and shoved your hands in your pockets. 

“You don’t have roommates we don’t know about on your ship, do you?” You asked. Killian paused and stared at you with wide eyes. He shook his head. 

“No, why?” Killian asked, raising a brow at you. You pressed your lips together to hide the excitement growing. You held your arm out at him. Killian moved forward and hooked your elbows together. 

“Show me your ship, Killian.” You said, releasing your smile and showing him its full wattage. Killian let a short laugh, leading you towards the docks. 

Killian had an air about him that lured you in from the moment you met him. This was something entirely different. You moved together like you knew each other's next three moves. It was slow and yet not patronizing. He took his sweet time cherishing every inch of your body, pausing to stop and watch your reactions. You laughed through your date and giggled through your night. Killian seemed to quite enjoy kisses that turned into laughs against each other, doing everything in his power to give you your pleasure and humor. By the end of it, you two were so tuckered out you flopped next to each other and didn’t move or recognize each other’s existence until after you caught your breath. 

Killian turned his head to face you, still huffing. His hair was plastered to his forehead. He chuckled and gently patted your cheek. 

“Yeah?” He asked, his words still breathy. You nodded, laughing at his audacity to ask. 

“Yeah.” Killian nodded at your affirmation, sighing and flinging his arm out off the bedside. You sat up and took in your surroundings. You reapplied your mind to the real world, away from the warm and soft words of Killian’s attention. You scooted to the edge of the bed, pulling your underwear from the floor. Killian sat up, his hand brushing against your back. 

“Where are you off to? We haven’t even had the chance to discuss a round three?” Killian muttered, pressing a light kiss to your bare shoulder. You laughed at him, shaking your head in amusement. 

“Oh! You’re funny.” You replied, standing up to pull on your clothes. Killian whined, melting into the sheets where your body was. His hand reached out for you, dragging down your thigh to your knee. 

“Where could you possibly need to be that’s more important than my post-coital care, aye?” Killian asked still trying to grip onto you as you pulled up your pants. You shook your head, following the trail of his discarded black clothes. Killian groaned again as you left his circle of reach. 

“I just need to get home. I have to shower, dress for bed, debrief, drink some tea, brush my teeth, work on some things I didn't finish yesterday, and sleep. Unfortunately, I do believe to share a bed with you is to share a bed with temptation.” You found both your socks thank goodness. You almost lost the right one, finding it under his bed. Killian sat up and smiled proudly. 

“Well, we've already lusted. What's the harm in a little more?” Killian asked, grinning up at you. You leaned forward towards him, cupping his cheeks. You gently pecked his lips, lingering for a brief moment to give him a proper goodbye. You pulled back to find Killian’s eyes still shut and his chin pointed up in expectation for more. 

“Because I need my sleep. Though your offer is tempting. Goodnight, Killian.” You said, picking up your shoes and heading for his door. Killian hummed and returned your good night. 

The night between you two was held close to your heart as you continued to speak to Killian. You hadn't gone alone on another date but every accidental run-in was cheery.

A few weeks passed and you felt off. You had plenty of signs and you felt like you had left your marbles. You confided in Emma what you thought was happening and she was dragging you to the closest bathroom with a pregnancy test in hand. She kept the little pink plus sign under wraps as you pulled from Killian. 

You weren't sure what to do at all. You wanted to think and decide. You weren't sure if you wanted to even tell Killian. You weren't even sure if you were okay with Emma knowing. When she tucked you into her side and gently hummed you to sleep you were proud of your decision to tell her. 

You didn't get the chance to decide if you were going to tell Killian before you and Emma were rushing after Henry into Neverland. You followed her around as you and the rest of the group were dragged around after the red X on the map.

Still, you kept your distance from Killian. He tried to start a conversation with you, shooting a bad flirt at you that you would've groaned at before. You stayed silent, ignoring him entirely. Killian scoffed and left your side. You kept it out of your mind as you focused on Henry. 

Your stomach dropped when Killian explained the requirements of the Echo Cave. You froze in front of the entrance, your hand shooting out for Emma's. Killian noticed and hesitated before entering the cave. Emma stopped and joined you at your side. She held onto your hand, reassuring you as she pulled you into the cave.

First up was Killian. He stood at the ledge and turned around to face you. Mary-Margret sidestepped to stay out of the way. Your grip on Emma's hand tightened and she held you steady. Killian let out a sigh and raised his eyes to you. 

“I didn’t think I was ever going to be able to love after I lost Milah, and then I met you. I know we only went on one date but we both know it was a long time coming. I love you, I do.” Killian said. The cave shook as the stone bridge appeared, jutting out into the gap. You held onto Emma's arm as you both fell into each other.

The floor stabilized and you pulled back, huffing in frustration. Emma straightened up keeping her hand on yours. Killian tried to catch your eyes, staring into the side of your face. You couldn't face him, your mind was still rushing through his words. 

You weren't sure if he was being honest. Though the Cave thought he was so you suppose… 

You didn't want to spill your secret, you could see the outrageous reaction. David would probably chide you over your dangerous actions like you're his kid or something. You can already hear his words, fighting lost boys is no behavior for someone pregnant.

You turned your face away from Killian, leaning against Emma's shoulder. You stayed silent during Mary-Margaret and David's confessions. It wasn't your business truly. You swallowed down a gasp but kept your nose out of it. You thought maybe David would go easy on you for your dangerous activities today. If he didn't you could easily point out that he was walking around diseased during all your time in Neverland. 

You stared at the gap between the bridge and the ledge. There was space between the two large enough for one more secret. Emma needed this. You were doing this for her, and Henry. You hadn't released Emma's hand yet and you doubted you would be anytime soon. Emma nodded and gently rubbed your arm in reassurance. You turned around to face the group, trying to catch Killian's eyes through the unhappy couple. 

“Killian.” You whispered, already hearing the pain in your own voice. You didn't want to tell him like that. Not here in this cave. Not here on this island. Not here in front of this crowd. You wanted to go home.

The couple separated, spreading apart so you could see Killian. His mouth was parted and he froze in his place. You couldn't face or speak to him this entire trip and now that it was time to spill your secret you asked for him specifically. His mind reeled as he pieced together that you might finally tell him what he did wrong that caused your reaction. 

“I didn't want to tell you like this. I'm not even sure if I wanted to tell you, period. I think I wanted you to pack your things, get on your ship, and sail off into the sunset scot-free. I didn't want to face the chance of rejection when it came to your love. I can't stomach that. I just wanted to hide the truth so you could think I was just some strange individual who had no empathy for you. You could grow distaste for me and live freely on the sea, not chained down with me.” The cave stayed silent as you such in a breath to stabilize yourself. Mary Margaret had clutched onto her sleeve, staring at you intensely. David was watching Mary-Margaret, trying to figure out what she caught onto. Killian was starstruck. 

He hated to say it but you looked so gorgeous in this damn cave. He was confused and felt like he might lose his balance. Killian hated this cave. He hated this situation. He hated that you had to spill whatever secret you had in a place like this. He wanted you to tell him organically. He wanted you to explain it all to him on your own terms. Now your hand was forced. 

Emma dropped your hand and held onto your shoulder. She squeezed it and you let out an unsteady breath. You weren't going to cry on this god-forsaken island. You held Killian's eyes, you weren't going to break eye contact when you told him this. 

“I'm pregnant.” The air was sucked out of the cave as Mary-Margaret let out a quiet gasp. She clamped her hand over her mouth, her eyes shooting to Killian's quickly. Killian froze, his body turning into a statue. David’s mouth opened, staring at you. Just as you opened your mouth to apologize for never telling Killian until now, the cave shook. You were tousled and fell into Emma. Mary-Margaret held onto the cave wall. David shot for her, trying to find comfort in his wife. Mary-Margret held onto him, her fingers digging into his arm.

 The floor stood solid. You slowly pulled from Emma's arms, looking at the bridge. It was complete, thank the stars. Emma released your shoulders from her hold and cupped your cheeks instead. 

“You'll be okay?” She whispered, her eyes slipping towards Killian for a brief second. You nodded quickly, shooing her down the bridge. She left you standing alone, heading for Neal’s cage. You awkwardly floated next to Killian, waiting for him to regain his bearings. He straightened up and turned to you quickly. Killian held onto your hand, letting your other hand hold on his wrist. Your fingers trailed along the edge of metal and skin, toying with his hook from nervousness. He stared into your eyes. 

“You're pregnant.” Killian’s voice was breathy, still laced with shock. You nodded, not positive your voice could stay steady.

“Why didn't you tell me? Why would you want me to leave you alone like this?” Killian asked. You hated the hurt in his voice, it made you feel nauseous. Your nausea reminded you of the morning sickness in store for you in a few months. You imagined comforting yourself after hunching over the toilet. Emma would help, of course she would but it's not the same as Killian. You thought of waking up in the middle of the night from kicking and having no one’s hand to press against the little foot. You shrugged. 

“I didn't want to hold you back from pirating or whatever it is that you get up to. A baby is a lifetime subscription, I didn't think you would want it like this. It's unexpected. Completely. We haven't even gone on a second date and now we've made an entirely new person.” you glanced away to see Mary-Margaret pretending not to listen by staring at the cave wall. Emma had reached the cage, but Neal was still inside, unfortunately.

“I want it. I want all of it. Forget pirating I have a baby. I wish you told me before but I understand why you didn't. We’ve done plenty more together. We don't need dates, we save each other from Lost Boys and other fairytale shit.” Killian said, dropping your hand to cup the side of your face. You leaned into his palm, smiling at him gently. Killian leaned forward and nudged your nose with his. He waited patiently, giving you plenty of time to refuse his advancement. You lurched forward and pressed your lips against his. Killian released your cheek and slipped his hand behind you to press into your back. You held him closer by the back of his head. The kiss threw you right back into your first date together, wrapping you both up in a swirling warmth. You hummed into his lips, tilting your head to the side to deepen the kiss. 

“Alright, break it up. Break it up.” You pulled away at Emma’s voice. You stepped back from Killian, taking in the group’s eyes. Killian’s hand hesitated on your back, wanting to keep you close.  Emma raised an eyebrow at you. Her smile told you she didn’t mind much at all. You smiled and waved at Neil. He gave you a short wave back. You looked back at Killian, glad you had both fixed your relationship struggles. You knew this pregnancy would be so much easier with Killian by your side. 

[superfandomlife]

Once Upon a Time - Season 2, Episode 13: Tiny (2013)

Bonus:

[mccallhero]

favourite ouat scenes: 19/?

[suzieloveships]

I should be doing uni stuff. Instead here are my Top 8 Marauders ships plus their variants because why not (I get the feeling many will disagree or at least will have questions) (I'm exposing my OTP)

Jegulus: James Potter and Regulus Black (art by corwnvus)

Tropes: Sunshine x Grumpy, Golden Retriever x Black Cat, Forbbiden Love

Variants:

PeterMJ: Peter Parker and Michelle Jones (MCU Spiderman),

Evarlark: Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games),

Narlie: Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring (Heartstopper)

Lumax: Lucas Sinclair and Max Mayfield (Stranger Things),

Starmora: Peter Quill and Gamora (Guardians of the Galaxy),

Bal: Ben and Mal (Descendants),

Chaggie: Charlie Morningstar and Vaggie (Hazbin Hotel),

FirstPrince: Alex Claremont-Diaz and Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (Red White and Royal Blue)

WolfStar: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (art by sophithil)

Tropes: Friends to Lovers, Two broken pieces fitting perfectly together, Poor x Rich

Variants:

Anderperry: Todd Anderso and Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society),

Captain Swan: Emma Swan and Killian Jones (Once Upon a Time),

Wesper: Wylan van Eck and Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows),

Poolverine: Logan "Wolverine" Howlett and Wade "Deadpool" Wilson (Deadpool),

Stolitz: Blitzo and Stolas Goetia (Helluva Boss),

WolfStone: Jack Russell and Elsa Bloodstone (Werewolf by Night),

Pepperony: Pepper Potts and Tony Stark (Iron Man),

Merthur: Merlin and Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)

Dorlene: Dorcas Meadows and Marlene Mckinnon (art by likeafunerall)

Tropes: Rivals to Lovers, Significant Annoyance, Soulmates

Variants:

Tarcy: Tara Jone and Darcy Olsson (Heartstopper),

Dimya: Dimitry and Anastasia "Anya" Romanov (Anastasia),

Tianaveen: Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen (Princess and the Frog),

Merlylie: Merliah Summers and Kylie Morgan (Barbie in Mermaid Tale),

Catradora: Catra and Adora (She-ra and the Princesses of Power),

AppleDash: AppleJack and Rainbow Dash (My Little Pony),

SoftBoots: Kitty Softpaws and Puss in Boots (Puss in Boots),

Zikki: Zane Bennett and Rikki Chadwick (H2O Just Add Water)

MaryLily: Mary MacDonald and Lily Evans (art by likeafunerall)

Tropes: Best Friends to Lovers, Prep x Nerd, Different yet so similar at the same time

Variants:

Orangeberry: Orange Blossom and Strawberry Shortcake (Strawberry Shortcake),

Josibel: Isabel and Josie (Bottoms),

Sunlight: Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle (Equestria Girls),

Agentdiamond: Lucy Diamond and Amy Bradshaw (D.E.B.S.),

Ineffable Husbands: Crowley and Aziraphale (Good Omens),

Alexiana: Alexa and Liana (Barbie: Diamond Castle),

Snowing: Snow White and Prince Charming (Once Upon a Time),

Clewis: Cleo Sertori and Lewis McCartney (H2O Just Add Water)

Rosekiller: Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch jr (art by industrations)

Tropes: Friends to Lovers, Partners on Crime, Matching each other crazy

Variants:

Butterfly Bog: Bog King and Marianne (Strange Magic),

M&M: Millie and Moxxie (Helluva Boss),

RiddleBird: Oswald "Penguin" Cobblepot and Edward "Riddler" Nygma (Gotham),

Rocket Shipping: Jesse and James (Pokemon),

Dilila: Lila and Diego Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy),

They don't have a ship name :( :Camilla the Chicken and Gonzo (Muppets),

Gigalon: Megalon and Gigan (Godzilla),

KOBD: Breakdown and Knock Out (Transformers: Prime)

Pebill: Peter Pettigrew and Sybill Trelawney (art by sophithil)

Tropes: Troublemaker x Wallflower, Powerful One x One who isn't afraid, Local man really loves his Wife

Variants:

Duzie: Dustin Henderson and Suzie (Stranger Things),

Scarlet Vision: Vision and Wanda Maximoff (MCU),

Polin: Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Featherington (Bridgerton),

Huntlow: Hunter and Willow (Owl House),

Fiyeraba: Fiyero Tigalaar and Elphaba Thropp (Wicked),

They also don't have a ship name: Dionysus and Ariadne (Greek Mythology),

Fluttercord: Discord and Fluttershy (My Little Pony),

Janlos: Carlos and Jane (Descendants)

Xenodora: Xenophilius Lovegood and Pandora Lovegood/Rosier/Lestrange/Ollivander/Lupin/any other last name you choose for her (art by sophithil)

Tropes: She is Everything, He is just Ken, Local man really loves his Wife, Adorkable, Weird Girl x Guy that loves all of her for her quirks

Variants:

Eriel: Prince Eric and Princess Ariel (Little Mermaid),

Gorticia: Gomez and Morticia (Addams Family),

Karbie: Ken and Barbie (Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse),

Phike: Mike Hannigan and Phoebe Buffay (Friends),

MickMinn: Mickey and Minnie (Mickey Mouse),

CheesePie: Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie (My Little Pony),

Devie: Doug and Evie (Descendants),

Stage Dorks: Jeremy Heere and Christine Canigula (Be More Chill)

Nobleflower: Narcissa Black and Alice Fortescue (art by cutegirlsart)

Tropes: Rich x Poor, Prep x Rebel, Book smart x Street smart

Variants:

No ship name here as well: Duchess and Thomas O'Malley (Aristocats)

Lumity: Amity Bright and Luz Noceda (Owl House)

Jaladdin: Jasmine and Aladdin (Aladdin)

LyraBon: Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon (My Little Pony)

OutlawQueen: Regina Mills and Robin Hood (Once Upon a Time)

Appling: Apple White and Darling Charming (Ever After High)

They don't have a ship name?: Evelyn Carnahan and Rick O'Connell (The Mummy)

Dipcifica: Pacifica Nortwest and Dipper Pine (Gravity Falls)

marylily colour coding hurts my eyes and rosekiller is lowkey all over the place. But it's cute so who cares

[elysian467]

Reader's Rant

Okay so I had finished reading the Legacy of Gods Series few days ago so here are my thoughts(after lots of thinking,psychoanalysing and self arguing)

1)RINA PROMOTING MISOGYNISTIC VIEWS:

•The "virgin trope" is seriously not a trope at this point when each and every book has this.She makes it seem as if the fmc has commited blasphemy(What's her obsession with this word anyways.Its everywhere in her books.The blasphemy😯) if she has slept with someone before the mc.Wth!?And every male character is a casanova.Like we will find virgin Mcs hot too okay?? Especially in Ava's case like I thought okay finally we have a fmc who has had a life before mc but no?Like she makes it seem Ava have a grandiose sex life and later makes her a virgin too!?Like its okay to have experience and its totally okay to not marry the first guy you sleep with.

I also think that having literally ALL men experienced in EVERY SINGLE THING is also so frustrating.Like it would have been cool if Eli or Creighton were not u know??She makes it seem as a chore the men have to do the second they turn 18

•Another example of misogyny is the extreme sense of ownership they have for all the women in their life. Like the dad's are seriously crossing limits.Protectiveness is cute but the no-twat-is-good-enough-for-my-princess shit is exhausting.Jeremy and Landon are wayyy too controlling.Its literally offensive.You will HATE such a brother and dad for life and beyond.

•She made all women literal doormats.Enough said. (except Ava,Ari and Maya-who she turned into a villain because she has a life so she should not be the good sister)

•The fmcs had all sort of problems, worries,insecurities blah blah which could not be cured by besties, family, friends, therapists nope!They could only be cured within 2 chapters at most once the perfect mc decides to help!

•Over possessiveness.Hated it.Like listen I can still somehow get Killian's jealousy towards Remi(by dark romance standards ONLY) but Creighton has been close friends with Remi since birth and how he literally does not allow a single friendly touch!?And his insta posts each statng MINE MINE MINE repeatedly felt embarrassing and cringe rather than hot and when he tells her to stop following people like WHAT!?

2)UNFULFILLED TROPES AND PROMISES:

I am the kind of reader who gives great attention to the blurbs and tropes before reading a book.

•God of Pain is a grumpy x sunshine.Now I believe this was mentioned due to the appeal and popularity of the trope but Annika is not a sunshine at all.Sunshine character is not one which ACTS and pretends to be happy,outgoing and perfect while she has her insecurities,fears and troubles eat her up inside(her words)

•God of fury has been said to have the trope mafia prince x GOLDEN BOY which is not accurate.Anyone who has read the books should know this already ig.

•God of war which happens to be my fav from the series has false claimed tropes too.Like it was NOT a marriage of convenience.Eli forced the proximity upon Ava by forcing her to marry him(I believe forced proximity means both leads who hate each other are forced to be closer)and the sunshine point is similar as that of Annika.Imagine if someone is searching for a stand alone marriage of convenience and forced proximity....they'll be sad,angry and frustrated u know(Not me.I loved the book)

•Being an apathatic sociopath and selfish narcissist is different.Research your attributes Rina.

•Rina literally backtracks upon Eli's feelings in gow.Repeatedly mentions how Eli had no feelings for Ava before Uni.While she had stated in Royal Elite epilogue how Eli kisses new born Ava,calls her pretty,is asking Aiden for marriage pact,stares at her.Even in gow Ava mentions that he caused guys disappear even when she was in HIGH SCHOOL."Yeah he had no interest at all"😑(THE LAST LINE WAS SARCASM.YES SOME PEOPLE NEED IT TO BE SPELLED OUT.your welcome)

•Mia's selective mutism was played with totally wrong.AGAIN RESEARCH RINA!

3)PROBLEMS IN THE BOOKS

•The extremely perfect mcs who are geniuses(Einstein who?),strong,attractive all the positive attributes who can think of other than a heart ofc.Like is it wrong if at least one mc has worked hard for the way they are!?Nope these are born perfections who can cure world hunger but will not because the world does not deserve it. Fmcs have all sorts of issues(other than being spineless,submissive doormats.Not Ava,Ari,Maya) which will be cured by the MC!Yeah!(Though the way Eli helps Ava is actually book perfect,heart warming and realistic.Its quite real that her parents and Cecily babied her and could not handle hard decisions that could benefit her)

•BRATS PLAYING GODS!All the mcs are over privileged brats who have done nothing but be born to "earn" their "god" status.Like they are literal UNI kids.Like they were all spoiled brats basically criminals who were setting things(buildings) on fire and hurting and killing people like what!?

•THEIR AGES AND THEIR*ahem* ACTIONS!?Their ages in their respective books:

Killian(19)-Glyndon(19)😱😲😵😶 Creighton(20)-Annika(17-18) Jeremy(23-24)-Cecily(20) Landon(23)-Mia(18-19) Nikolai(19)-Brandon(23) Eli and Ava had time skip so it was okay(29 and 23)

Like their ages are seriously concerning.I especially wanna talk about Creighton and Annika.Annika is literally a child and her book basically had her having some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.

I ABSOLUTELY HATED how creighton won't let Annika speak or talk to him without him adding the numbers iykyk.LIKE I hate how I have read soo many posts yet none mentions it!!?And how Annika is shown to have been cleared of her problems after she has sex !?And Creigh acts like a divorced 38 year old guy with an adult kid while Annika is has 0 personality(Haters can go cry a river)I really wanted Annika to leave him u know?And what was that soap opera shit with the gun and crying and sobbing and kidnapping(Which is okay because she revealed to Ava,Glyn,Cecy that its her fantasy😑)and because we are going all in so lets add suicide shit too.And yeah she was ready to kill herself yesterday and is sunshine and rainbows today yeah!!

Killian has had loads of experience in every kind of sexual activity with both men and women and in clubs and whatnot at 19 and he is bored of all that now😂😑

Ohh I almost forgot!Its literally sooo stupid and meaningless that the girls experience whatever fantasy they shared during a drunk night with each other😂😂😂Like Rina basically wants to sorta convey that the girls "wished" for it😂(Think before you wish folks!)

Zero family dynamics other than the fathers making a one chapter visit talking about the Everlasting love for their wives,their doormat of a princess daughters and zero say in all the "emotional trauma" ALL of them have(they wish)

Landon favourism was not good.Especially in gof where it should have been Niko's moment.

Its enough for today I think.

I am not posting it as a hate post.It is RANT as stated,a critical analysis.(Being going through a book hangover from Gow....partially cured through the MADDEST OBSESSION OMG YES!!!)

One last thing!!!!I get that its the creator's wish and whatever but the fact that Rina isn't writing a Remi (An Mc with emotions!!!!)Ariella(Strong fmc!The blasphemy! )and Maya Ilya book sorta shows how she can't change her formula.

[swarla-sq-folklore]

My New SwanQueen Fic: Bad Blood (2724 words) by Swarla_SQ_Folklore Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood Characters: Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Robin Hood (Once Upon a Time), Grumpy | Leroy, Belle (Once Upon a Time), Red Riding Hood | Ruby Summary: Everyone thinks Regina Mills is the problem. Her temper, her sharp tongue, her inability to let people in. But what happens when Emma Swan starts paying attention? The way Regina flinches when a door slams. The way she keeps her voice even, measured—like a woman who has learned that speaking wrong has consequences. No one believes in the cold-hearted mayor’s redemption. No one sees the truth beneath her carefully perfected mask. Except Emma. And she doesn’t know how to stop caring.

[winter-rook]

Found another list of questions for Inqy here by @halla-hunts-the-wolf (thank you!), for this I have enough time, so let's go! IMPORTANT: TW mental health issues, mention of suicide.

Word count: 1704.

1. What nickname does Varric give your Inquisitor?

Lionet. Because of how chaotic Tavi's hair looked like in the beginning of the Inquisition, and because at first she didn't give a shit how she looked like. They're short and wavy and messed up. And, given to Tavi's grumpy and pouty look, Varric saw her and instantly thought: 'Yeah. Little kitten, but probably feisty on the inside!'

2. How does your inquisitor respond to being called "The Herald of Andraste?" Does their opinion change over time?

Tavien is genuinely scared. For a long time she completely denies the title. She even hates when people address her by it. Tavi isn't really a believer due everything she's been through including Circle of Magi, so for her it means only a responsibility she didn't ask for.

3. Did a side quest or NPC interaction resonate with your Inquisitor? How did it make them feel, and why did it speak to them?

That creepy house inside of Emerald Graves, Chateau d'Onterre. Tavi felt drawn to it, but at the same time she felt terrified by the aura that wrapped that whole place. Tavi has a strong empathy, and also curiosity. With the help of her abilities (which are described in №6) she finds lots of things about previous residents. And she feels broken, sad and furious. Because she saw herself in that poor girl who ended up as an abomination. And Taven, an elven boy who wanted to investigate Din'an Hanin. She found him friendly and nice, and driven to an old elven ruins as much as she was herself, her little lone self wanted to know him better and, maybe, even befriend with him. His death and the loss of his team were a blow for her, even though they had known each other for a short time.

4. Did your Inquisitor leave any family behind before the Divine's Conclave? Do they keep in contact with them afterward?

House Trevelyan is known by their outstanding children, but no one had a single idea about Tavien's existence. Even Grand Cathedral was a bit shaken when found out that Tavien's grandmother Francheska Trevelyan erased her from the House family tree. Tavien is a half-blood bastard, and she doesn't ever care about her 'legacy'. Only her elder cousin (and current bann Trevelyan), Killian, seems to remember her, even after 13 years since they last met. And he is the only one who never felt any sort of contempt for Tavien. A smart and kind man, he assisted the Inquisition by verifying Tavien’s ties to House Trevelyan following a personal meeting in Haven. Unfortunately, her mother committed suicide due mental health problems when Tavien was 13 and in a Circle of Magi. Tavien didn't know about it before she met Killian. That was hard.

5. What's one faction in Thedas your Inquisitor would want to align themselves with that wasn't an opportunity during Inquisition?

Maybe Veil Jumpers! Tavi is very interested in everything old and especially - Elvenan culture. Magic, history, artifacts, she's hungry to know more about people who where one part of her being.

6. What's your favorite part of your Inquisitor's backstory/lore? Either something provided in-game or something you made up!

I'm not sure if this actual thing is a part of a canon, or I just made up something slightly different, but Tavien is able to draw little strings - Echo - from the Fade and see things that happened. I even wrote how Solas called it 'reversed somniary ability', Idk though. :") I just love this part about her. And the whole plot of her father, who was Elgar'nan's priest once. And the fact how Tavien is angry at him, she blames him for her mother's death, and there are so many questions... Yeah, I know, I may be fucked up with some parts of DA canon, but you know what? DA creators are sure thing fucked up with some things too, so... I'm innocent, don't shoot!

7. How does your Inquisitor's life change after the Exalted Council? How do they cope and recover?

She is completely heartbroken. Solas was her teacher, her father figure, her good friend. And, despite her promise to change his decision and mind, she still feels so bad down that all her close friends are concerned about her mental state. Her left arm brings such an intense torture, and she spends next few years by having it hanged to her chest, dealing with pains. But then, one day, there's a stroke of excruciating pain, and, because in my story they stayed at Skyhold for some time while finishing all things about Inquisition, she, in tears and fever, begged Cullen 'to chop it off with a sword or whatever we have right now'. It does not scare her much, she had a lot of time to think through the possible loss of her arm, but still, it dawns on her. But then she stands up and goes into different discussions with her fellow mages and others on building a prosthetic arm. She has no choice.

8. If your Inquisitor had a "hot take" about something in Thedas, what would it be?

The hero of Ferelden, rightly, brought Loghain to the order and made him a warden. No matter what people say about strategy or politics, or the hard decision of the great warrior, the retreat at Ostagar will always be seen as a betrayal by Tavien. The party had long and sometimes heated discussions, where Tavien spoke of loyalty and the chance of victory, but Loghain still chose to retreat, and therefore took the throne of Ferelden.

9. If your Inquisitor had a tombstone during "Here Lies the Abyss," what would it say?

"Prove Nothing". Her whole life Tavien spent being nothing to the whole world. Her family despised her for the most part of her life, her father left her mother without a single letter... and then, when she finally found a goal in her life to try and fight for mages' rights, her memory got erased, her whole identity was taken as hostile enemy. She grew to find a truth, to prove herself innocent and shake off those chains of being 'a guilty one'. Guilty in her friends' deaths, guilty in the end of the world. She wanted to prove herself worthy of being herself as she was born, and it was so damn hard for a half-human half-elven mage girl.

10. What's one quest that gutted your Inquisitor? The one that would have them rethinking their life choices.

"Here Lies the Abyss". She was so torn by the fact that she had to order a man to stay in the Fade. She wanted to stay, let others go, an she had a point! She could tear the Veil apart! Probably. But let someone else stay and make this sacrifice? No. No! Why must she do that kind of thing? She's no god! And could gods make this happen? Oh, she had no idea. It was her point of breaking. She was silent for so many days after that, and only a sight of Varric and Hawke chatting quietly somewhere always close to her helped her to ease this guilt. Just a little bit. Just a little.

11. Which goodbye is the hardest for your Inquisitor? What companion did they hate to lose?

Cassandra, because Tavien holds her dearly amongst all other women in her inner circle. Cass was always there and reminded her a little of a mother or an elder sister who she never had. Tavi supported Cassandra as the new Divine, confident that she was truly suited for the role. Despite Tavien's faith in Cassandra, it was painful to discharge her as second-in-command. Dorian became her best friend. They had a lot in common, especially regarding faith and religion. He was also her moral support and somewhat like a big brother. She was very sad when she found out that he wanted to leave for Tevinter. Cole - she grew so fond of him! He helped her a lot when she had her apathy periods, always being by her bed and just... talking to her, reminding her of everything good so she wouldn't fixating on everything bad. But he remained a spirit, and she had to let go for his sake. Solas. Tavien was so confused when he just... disappeared and left her with all those unanswered questions. He never reached her inside Fade, and even if he did, she couldn't quite catch him in the right moment. She was so worried and hurt.

12. Is there any character from past installments with which your Inquisitor would get along?

Hawke and king Alistair. Something about those humorous witty men she finds comforting and nice. Alistair never behaves as king, or tries not to, and she feels relatable. They're wearing their titles they didn't ask for, but still playing their roles. Because someone had to. And Hawke? Well, Varric made sure to befriend those two, and also all three of them had a common friend Livvie whom they helped in different times of her life.

13. Is there any character from past installments your Inquisitor would consider a rival?

No, not really. She can't make herself trust Morrigan completely, but even so she respects her expertize and values her help. She feels a bit curious about Kieran, but still is very welcoming them both.

14. How does your Inquisitor cope with such a significant leadership role? Did their opinions or personalities change during their two years of maintaining the Inquisition?

Oh, she's so tired of being everyone's beacon of hope. At first, she is terrified and lost, but as she warms toward her companions, she learns about true loyalty, friendship and companionship. Inquisition becomes her true family. And as she grows and learns to make decisions, she gets used to her title. Varric said once 'She's blooming like a flower', and it was true. Her people helped to find herself, that smart and a bit cocky girl that, in fact, was strong and resourceful. Lionet grew into Lioness, graceful and powerful, but caring.

15. What do you hope to see from your Inquisitor if they play a prominent role in Dragon Age: The Veilguard?

I know that Inquisitor DOES NOT play a prominent role in DA4, but I have that silly plot in my head... Tavien runs Inquisition from the shadows, continuing her job and supporting Divine Victoria. She also helps Josefine with her family business, letter here and a word there. That's how one day she almost meets Lucanis, attending some party in Antiva (Josefine tagged her along wanting to introduce her dearest friend to some more important faces). They sure notice each other, but nothing more then. While Veilguard happens, I see Tavien come into the Lighthouse and remain there, helping Rook as an advisor on Elven gods and Fen'Harel. (She didn't waste time all those years either.) She learns about Solas even more, craves to meet him, to ask questions, to see if he truly feels remorse about Varric... so many questions yet without answers. And for some reason she feels guilt and sorrow before all those people who died or suffer at the moment from demons, venatori and Evanuris. She thinks it's her fault that she didn't stop Solas, when she had the chance. She could have talked to him, reasoned with him, and all of this wouldn't have happened. Tavien struggles, even if she hides it well behind a polished façade. Guess who can notice it? Spite, because he can literally smell her guilt and pain. And she is in a huge inner conflict. That's awful, and if not for long discussion with Dorian and Meivaris, and letters by Cassandra, she would've gone crazy in this ocean of guilt.

[brucethegirl]

Be known in its aching

by HundredTimes

Rated: E

Word count: 8,921

Killian has officially backed off of pursuing Emma, allowing Neal to make his mistakes and Emma to make her choice on her own time. He's stepped away and will not sway her heart or mind. He refuses to once again be caught in the middle and blamed for a woman knowing what she wanted from life.

In the time he has on his hands now, he refuses to be near the one woman who enraptures him. Instead, spending time with an old friend.

A/N: I want to be clear- there is graphic sex in this. It is NOT between Killian and Emma. However, this is still a Captain Swan story. Killian ends up imagining Tinker Bell is Emma during their encounter and it's all very sad times.

This is a bit of a character study of Killian, and who he was at this stage of the story. He was still ready to make bad choices, and this was one of them.

This fic also plays with the time line a bit. What appears to only be about two-three days in the show I've expanded to be more like a couple weeks.

Thank you to everyone in the Captain Swan Movie Marathon and Storybrooke/The Enchanted Forest discord servers for hyping me up and supporting me writing this. I wouldn't have had the guts to post this without ya'll.

Huge thank you to Kier (mockiery) who's conversation helped not only inspire this fic but heavily inform it. To Taryn for going over this with a fine toothed comb multiple times. And to Inês for beta reading and being another set of eyes.

Also available on AO3

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Killian quickly hid the smile that overtook him when he saw the lad’s face light up when his father approached their booth. He glanced at the boy’s mother and quickly went back to his drink. She looked bewildered but somewhat happy. It was that second emotion- no matter how much he knew it was for her son getting the chance to know his father and not for her own joy- that caused a sliver of doubt to enter his heart. A moment of regret for what he was doing. 

He’d meant what he said. He would back off.  Henry deserved the chance at a real family and to see his mother make the decision to not be involved with her past lover. Killian could not be visibly in the way and allow his presence to be interpreted as the reason the couple weren’t together. Not again. He wouldn’t be the target for Henry’s hatred when Bael- Neal- eventually left Emma. Again.

Killian was an observant man, with a keen eye for perception honed after too many years of being alive and outside of the law for most of them. He also knew a runner when he saw one, and after years on his own in the land without magic, Neal had become a runner. 

He watched Neal join his family, Henry’s excited chattering, Emma’s tight and uncomfortable smile. The way her eyes sought him out. 

No. He had no doubt that regardless of what Neal did or didn’t do, Killian was correct in his other assessment as well. Emma would choose him. Much as he knew he didn’t deserve it. But he’d be damned if he let anyone think he’d swayed that choice. 

In the meantime, though, he would have to watch the boy he’d abandoned try to woo the woman he… No, he wouldn’t go down that train of thought. The woman that might finally inspire him to heal his heart. He took a large swig of what remained of his drink. That was enough of an admission for one evening. 

He left the diner with its happy chattering without anyone the wiser, not looking over for one last glance of golden hair. He needed to accept the fact he was taking a step back from her, and the Lady Lucas was unlikely to let him drink the fill he required to do so. 

*

The town was not that big, and during his stay with the Queen of Hearts, he’d stayed away from the popular hero haunts enough that he knew exactly where to find a rowdy bar that might serve him what he needed, and wouldn’t balk at his most recent misdeeds (or his less recent ones), the way most of Granny’s clientele did. 

He knew the patrons of The Rabbit Hole included the judgy, grumpy dwarf, Leon or whatever his name was, most nights. But Killian had thankfully just seen him with his fellow loyalists surrounding the royal family. 

One face he didn’t expect to see when he let his gaze slide across the large room was a certain green fairy with a surprisingly numerous amount of empty glasses around her. He ordered his usual, a tankard of rum, and left the bar to sit next to her. 

“Shouldn’t you be over at the convent with the rest of your kind.” He greeted with a smirk. 

With a glare, Tink looked up at him. “I’m not exactly welcome, remember?” She gestured to her back, “no wings.”

He sat down heavily and splayed his legs, laying his arm across the bench behind her, “This is the land without magic, love. No one has wings.”

She sighed and took a huge gulp of her beer. “Try telling that to Blue.”

“She isn’t letting you back in?” Tink shrugged, already accepting her fate. Killian found himself liking the sanctimonious fairy even less, somehow. “Where are you supposed to go?” He asked, looking around. The only reason he had a bed at night was his ship, if he lost her he didn’t know what he’d do. He was suddenly very thankful his ship had been able to travel across realms with him. 

Tink shrugged again, this time much less sure of herself, “I was planning on sleeping here until they kicked me out. They don’t close until 3.”

He shook his head, “Granny’s is a decent enough inn, the Lady Lucas might dislike pirates, but I’m sure she’d have no qualms about displaced fairies under her roof.” If he were honest, he’d detected a shift in her gruff interactions with him since returning from Neverland, and he was no longer so certain his presence was entirely unwanted.  

Tink propped her crossed arms on the table and leaned forward, clearly already mildly drunk, her bosom on display as her arms pushed what little she had up to crest the neck of her garments. “I’m only barely able to keep the drinks flowing,” she said, indicating towards her breasts, which he quickly jerked his eyes away from to see her quirked brow, a reasonable imitation of his own, arrogant manner when he was proven right. “I doubt the same charms would work on her.”

He uncorked his rum and lifted it to his lips, “no, I doubt it,” he mumbled looking away. The burn of the rum was a welcome relief. The beer served at Granny’s was sufficient in a pinch, but nothing calmed his nerves, soothed the fire across his skin, or quieted his mind like the spiced nectar he preferred. 

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments more. Then with a sharp clack Tink’s empty pitcher landed on the table and she began adjusting her top. He’d always appreciated how she was a woman ready for survival. He put his arm out to stay her, his hand gesturing for her to sit back down. “Keep your charms to yourself a moment. Here.” He poured a generous portion of his rum into what looked to be the cleanest glass. 

She rolled her shoulder and sat more comfortably, “thanks,” she said quietly, an easy understanding between them. Tink would always do what she needed to get by. It didn’t mean she’d enjoy it. It was a creed he understood well. One he had lived by for far too many years to count. He tilted the jug to her in salute before taking a blissful swig. He swallowed and let out a relieved sigh. 

Finally the weight of what he’d done earlier began to feel lighter. Stepping away from a woman he not only wanted, but knew wanted him. A woman who made him feel things in a way he thought he’d never be capable of again. A woman who loved her son so passionately and without doubt. Who saw him as a man with a semblance of honor. The first one to do so in too many years. Even Milah, who saw the adventure he thrived on and saw him as a savior in her dark world, hadn’t seen him the same way Emma did. Milah never called him on his bravado and overcompensation. Emma saw past a persona perfected, and had kissed him anyway. Had trusted him to help rescue her son anyway. But on top of that, had not given Henry up for a second, making him her sole priority even as the boy’s father put their rivalry over a woman first. 

The more he drank, the more he no longer felt like the biggest mistake, and he was no longer overwhelmed by the magnitude of it. 

He knew the more he drank, the more the weariness would leave his heart, then his muscles, and he’d be able to sleep. He preferred to do so in companionable conversation, though, and Tink would fill that role nicely. He’d learned long ago that to drink alone was to tempt the demon he kept barely contained below the surface. But now he had something that inspired him to tame that demon, to tame the thirsty beast that craved silence and an end to the burning pain radiating from his bones, his joints, his hand that had long ago decayed. 

But there was no denying the fire rising from his wrist under the brace. There was no denying the way Pan’s never ending purgatory preyed on the old fears in his mind. There was no denying the way every ligament across his back felt like a rubber band a moment before snapping. In the Enchanted Forest, he would have found an inn, a brothel, somewhere with a bath and let himself ease into a tub of hot water in front of a fire. Something to help loosen the muscles and rid himself of the recent nights spent on a jungle floor. 

“I saw your crocodile walking around,” Tink jumped into conversation without warning. 

Thankfully, he had already swallowed his last swig and could only sigh from somewhere deep in his soul. “Aye, that he is.” He took another swig, this one more to quell the angry fire racing up his chest threatening to envelop him. Sure enough, as the burn of the rum battled the burn of his vengeance, the liquor won out. 

She blinked at him, “you’re different,” she observed quietly as her eyes bore into him. Seeing him in a way that was familiar but not quite the same as a different golden haired, apple cheeked beauty. He shifted in his seat to better assess her, trying to gauge if he should be offended. She only laughed heartily at his response. “You act like I don’t know you.” She finally calmed, wiping a tear from her eye and Killian grumpily slouched in his seat. “Oh, come on,” she pushed him before she threw her arm around the back of the bench, her fingers brushing his shoulder absentmindedly. 

His eyes flicked to her fingers and back to her face. She was paying him no mind, though, and finished the glass he’d poured her. He gave a good natured roll of his eyes and refilled her glass without being asked. Let no one say he wasn’t a gentleman. 

“It’s those heroes, isn’t it? They’ve somehow tamed the wild Captain Hook into someone who plays by the rules.” She took another swig, and shrugged her shoulders, “impressive.” She genuinely sounded amazed and Killian leaned closer. 

“I wouldn’t use the word tamed .” With every word, he invaded her space.  He watched her breathing stutter and her eyes jump down to his lips,“that implies I have an owner. And I belong to no one.” He caught her eyes when they bounced back up and smirked, letting her know he’d caught her. 

“No, you were always so very free,” she snarked back and his grin slipped momentarily. He took another swig and the burn felt stronger than it had before. 

It had been a number of years since they had last seen each other- almost 30 for him- but with the way time distorted and bent in Neverland, he was unsure how long it had seemed for her. 

He’d learned while with the heroes on that cursed island that she had only been exiled since The Evil Queen’s own history, a far more recent time than when he first met her in his own life. For him what had been hundreds of years under Pan’s thrall, had coincided with her own much shorter banishment. His head was already swimming too much from the rum, he had very little clear thinking available and couldn’t make sense of the way time shifted and churned there. He deduced to leave it for a more lucid day. 

What he decided to use the remainder of his lucidity on was the way Tink leaned into him, the way she was familiar with him and the camaraderie of an old friend who also offered warmth in the small town with a chill coming in from the ocean. 

They’d spent a century learning each other, but also talking and he knew no one else alive who had seen so much of the inner workings of his mind. So when he winced again without having taken a shot of the rum to cover it, she took over pouring their drinks without question, falling into the role historically taken by scantily clad wenches leaning their low cut bosoms into his face. Only Tink didn’t play into it as seriously as they had. It was as though she could take or leave his presence. Which, considering her ability to eat that night didn’t rely solely with the coins he might supply, made sense. But it was a balm nonetheless. 

*

Over the next few days, they each developed a routine. While Killian had no idea what Tinker Bell was up to before they met at The Rabbit Hole before sundown, he would walk aimlessly around town. He’d see Neal talking animatedly with his son, as he leaned in close to Emma. He’d watch the Charmings chat causally and at ease with the boy Killian had once known. He’d watch David clap the man who’d left their daughter’s heart wounded and bloody on the shoulder like they were old friends. He’d watch Snow White giggle at the way father and son would race out the front door of the ice cream shop as though the older man hadn’t been the reason her daughter had walls higher than a beanstalk around her heart. 

 He would also watch Emma out of the corner of his eye. The way her shoulders would raise around her ears, the way her gaze would slide away, the way her smile never reached her eyes unless she looked to her boy - she really would do anything for him. 

Killian would then continue to look straight ahead, pretending he couldn’t see when her head swiveled in his direction. She would take a step towards him, and he would clench his jaw so hard he felt his teeth ache, but it was minor pain to what he felt in his chest. Anything to not look back at her. But because he was weak, he would always fail. He’d wait until he was safe from being caught and let his eyes slide over to her. Except, without fail, she wouldn’t  turn away. He’d watch the corner of her lips tilt up, his own mirroring them, until someone from her little group caught her attention again. He would be long gone before anyone could follow her gaze or see he’d not stayed away like he’d promised. 

He’d head to The Rabbit Hole and drive his attention to darts, to drinking, to riotous singing until the bartender threatened to call the sheriff, where  he would then sober quickly and disperse any crowd that he had incited. 

Tink would watch it all, amused at his antics. He’d realized he’d missed her in a way. Missed the conversations they’d have while sweaty and catching their breath. While not entirely soul bearing, they were more similar to ones he’d have liked to have with a friend. 

When he’d dispersed his latest group of rabble, he felt the muscles in his back pull, the fire in his joints ignite, and he sank into the leather bench in a way that made everything feel deflated and swollen at the same time now that he’d lost his distraction. He drew more than one gulp of the spiced rum down his throat before he felt a pressure against the bottom of it. He heard Tink’s gentle voice, “easy there, that isn’t water.” He had to let the jug slip from his lips if he wanted to avoid dropping it as she maneuvered its weight into her hand and away from him. 

“If you wanted some, asking is typically socially acceptable even among the faeries. But maybe you’ve forgotten,” he teased. There was only a mild amount of ire in his voice, but it was enough that she caught it and raised her brow. Her lips thinned, showing her displeasure at his comment. “Sorry,” he said forlornly, glancing away. 

Tink handed the drink back to him. “You’re in a foul mood tonight,” she said, straightforward and without hesitation. Killian  shook his head, his lip quirking in a well-worn self-effacing smirk. He opened his mouth to reply, but she was faster, “no you are.”

He rolled his eyes skyward and conceded. “I’m just getting used to letting go of my happy ending,” he finally offered. 

She sat back slowly, taking in the information he was offering. “You’re giving up on your happy ending?”

He took a quick swig, “considering it involved something most people call ‘murder’, I thought you’d be happy about that.”

The look that crossed Tink’s face showed she remembered their very first conversation. “Well, no. I am. But I had hoped you’d found something else to- to hope for,” she said quietly. 

Killian didn’t know when they’d shifted their conversation to a private one, but he did know he didn’t want anyone to overhear his admission. He looked around, wary of the other patrons. “I didn’t realize you cared,” he heartlessly teased. 

Her face turned sober. “We’ve been through a lot together. I know you. You deserve a better happy ending than some plot for revenge. That would likely have ended with your death, I might add. That man is much more terrifying than you gave him credit for,” she shivered. 

He shot her an annoyed glance, “he’s basically powerless here. Between his wife and his son, he-” Killian broke off, realizing he didn’t want to talk about the crocodile, Neal, or the inevitable journey his brain was already making towards her . 

“Right,” Tink didn’t push, letting him break off mid sentence and drown his racing thoughts in another gulp of rum. That’s what he always liked about her, she never pushed. Not emotionally anyway. “I’d just thought maybe you’d found a new happy ending.” her eyes flicked to his knowingly when she added, “with Emma.” Well, she didn’t used to push. 

The sigh that escaped him was from the depths of his soul. He wasn’t about to explain everything to Tink, not in a bar full of unsavory characters, but he could share something. “It’s complicated.” He took another swig. Tink knew Bae, had known about Killian’s own history with the boy. “He’s the young lad’s father, the one Pan wanted.” He raised his brows in a significant way.

Tink sat up straighter, “Oh, right.” She pursed her lips, “right.” She blew out a big gust. 

After sitting in silence for a beat too long, Killian gave a laugh. Bitter to even his own ears, but hopefully the significant amount of liquor Tink had already imbibed in would dispel her from noticing. “It really is a happy ending for all.” He wasn’t about to explain how the boy they knew was gone and in his place was a man afraid of the world they came from, afraid of being needed and seen for who he was. How Neal was a man unable to see what others needed from him, and only saw what he wanted. 

Killian was ashamed by his behavior on the island when Neal had riled him up, but he also knew Neal wasn’t . They’d put Henry in danger, and he had never heard Neal apologize for it. 

He also knew Emma was trying to appease her family. Her parents and her boy. He wasn’t sure who would snap first. Would Emma finally try to reach out for what she wanted instead of desperately trying to make everyone else happy? He doubted it. Or would Neal remember why he left in the first place? The weight of his fears leading him to attempt to break Emma’s heart. 

Killian realized the spiral of his thoughts and laughed, bringing the mood back up, “What say you to another tankard?” He slapped his hand on the table top and Tink laughed. 

“Here here!” She cheered, and he was buoyed by her smile. 

He needed to forget about Emma. He’d said his piece. He didn’t bow out, but he was out of the running. He wouldn’t sit around and wait for her. It was inevitable, yes, but it wouldn’t be anytime soon. Why should he play church mouse while she was trying to make things work with an old lover? Why shouldn’t he also find comfort in someone?

He’d told Swan once that he was done with her. That hadn’t been true even then. But he’d been able to get his mind off her, very easily. Maybe he just needed to do the same thing again. He didn’t have a quest per se to focus on, but he had a beautiful woman who may be willing to share a night with him. They’d been sating their thirst for forgetting the world together, maybe they could sate a different thirst. It wouldn’t be the first time, that was for sure. He could use the workout.

When he came back to their booth, he adjusted his posture in the bench seat. Years of seafaring may have been a balm to his soul, but it was murder on his body. The longer he lived on the ocean, the more damage was done. Eventually, it became something like hair of the dog. If you kept indulging, the pain never had a chance to creep up. As soon as he’d stop moving however, the aches got worse. And he hadn’t had to tighten a downhaul in weeks before their trip to Neverland. If he wasn’t careful he’d craft quite the sedentary lifestyle, something he needed to avoid at all costs.

Killian stretched his arm across the back of the booth and leaned into Tink’s space. He opened the new bottle with his teeth and as they shared a breath he took a swig before offering it to her. “It’s getting a bit loud in here. Why don’t we bring this one to the Jolly and have ourselves a night cap?” 

She glanced down, but not far enough to be staring at the bottle. Her own lips smirked in a tiny, delicate way. He ignored the fluttering in his gut that wanted a wider smirk, not afraid to hide her teasing. “I’d say that might be a sound plan.” 

*

Killian had long since offered one of the cabins on board his ship for Tink to bunk in, but as they walked to the dock, he knew she would be splayed across his bed by morning. 

Both of their steps were uneasy. Hers from the drink, which was convenient as his was from the pain radiating up through his back. His limp was more pronounced now that he hadn’t had to keep it hidden and busy on the ship every day. As he grit his teeth and continued their path, he kept an eye out for anyone who might still be out. Anyone who might see him. He felt foolish to feel so ashamed; their walk was no different than any other night. They walked back to the Jolly Roger drunk all the time. He may have known he had different plans that night, but surely no one else would. 

And even if they did, he was within his rights to take a woman to his bed. He was allowed the embrace of someone else. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. 

It was that mantra that he repeated in his mind as he limped just a little faster, the stabbing fire in his thigh growing more incessant. He needed to rest it. He also needed to remove the brace on his wrist as well, the sweat and tingling from the leather rubbing against his skin was beginning to grate; but that wouldn’t be happening for, hopefully, a few hours still.

He needed a distraction. 

When they made it to the deck, Killian sent Tink ahead to the captain’s quarters as he looked around one last time to make sure they would be undisturbed. He knocked on the wood at the gangway as he stepped on board, and followed. 

He expected a few more shots and maybe an attempt at conversation. Instead, he was greeted with a vision of long loose blonde waves. His breath caught and his heart skipped. For a split second, he thought-

Then she turned around, and Tink twined her arms around his neck before reaching up to meet his lips. He fell into the old familiar routine easily enough. Though he did falter into the kiss at first, he wasn’t so far out of practice that he couldn’t find his footing. 

His hand framed her rib cage, then slowly rose, lifting her shirt with it. Tossing it to an unknown corner, he reached back down, cupping her breast as he leaned in to draw the other between his lips as he sucked. “Hook,” she whispered as she shuddered in pleasure. His brows creased, concentrating harder as his thumb flicked over the hardening peak. He let the other slip out of his mouth before licking it with a hard swipe of his tongue as he continued to feast on her chest. 

He felt her hands in his hair, pulling and twisting. Raising his hook from where it rested gently on her hip, away from any soft flesh, he snagged her wrist in its curve. He pulled her hand down and pressed it to his chest and to the lapels of his leather vest he had yet to remove. She gripped it tightly in her fist and he groaned around her nipple. Responding to his silent request, the other hand slid down to the other side of his chest to tangle in his clothes and she hoisted him closer, pulling him to her chest. “Aye, just like that,” he grumbled against her as he shifted his attention to the other breast. She let out a mulish cry, and he shushed her instinctively,  the warm air of his breath slipping past his teeth, brushing against her wet nipple that made her shiver and break into a throaty moan. 

This was what he needed. He walked them carefully to his desk and when she reached the edge, he picked her up and set her upon it. He may have wanted Emma Swan, but she was someone he couldn’t have right now. He couldn’t even attempt to woo her, to show her how he would be willing to care for her, show her affection, tell her every second how wonderful she was. He couldn’t even appear to be the better man for her because he knew how his actions would be perceived by every one that she cared about. He had to wait for her to come to him, and hope that their kiss on Pan’s island had meant just as much to her as well, and that she saw the man underneath the villainous persona he’d spent centuries carefully crafting, and even threatened her with. Killian hadspent years hiding his hurt and pain and rage behind the mantle of Captain Hook, a sharp weapon in more ways than one. It was a mighty quagmire he’d fallen into thanks to his own impetuous and idiotic past, and it was those actions he’d be more than happy to answer for and prove better than once she rejected Neal outright. But there was nothing he could do until then. 

Tink pulled away and he realized he’d lost his focus. Her brow creased and she watched him for a moment. “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to not give you the full attention you deserve,” he said before she could catch on. He sank to his knees, cringing slightly at the stabbing ache that shot up his thighs to his spine. He would be distracted from it soon enough. 

He slid his fingers and hook up her thighs, slowly, and with the barest hint of touch. When he reached the ragged hem of her skirt, he slipped just enough of his digits underneath and continued his ghostly exploration, pushing the skirt up as he went. When he reached the apex of her thighs, he leaned forward and buried his lips against her. His tongue started slowly and attentively as her muscular thighs clamped around his ears in response to the first touch of wet on wet. He let them, his hand wrapping around from underneath to grip and stroke the crease where leg met hip. He could only vaguely hear her cries of pleasure, and let himself drown in it. He felt the moans and cries she gave when he licked into her like his tongue was a compass and her wet heat was north. 

When Tink finally grasped his hair and pulled him off her, Killian smirked as he invaded her space, pushing in close and letting his breath kiss her lips, even as she tilted her head and reached for him. He slid his arms under her legs and lifted her, she could barely protest the sudden movement as dazed as she was. “We’re not done yet, love,” he whispered into her hair and set her on his bed.

“I forgot how damn good you were at this,” she whispered, when she finally sat up and reached for his pants as he shucked his vest and silk shirt. She took a break from his belt to run one hand up and back down his chest, her nails scraping the soft hairs on his chest in the most delicious way. He tossed his head back and enjoyed the sensation. Emma’s face suddenly flashed in his mind, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn’t here with Emma, he was here with Tink. A woman who knew what he liked, as he knew her. A woman who could fill this need he felt in his bones the same as Granny could feel his need for food. 

Oh no, that wasn’t a good thought to have right now . Killian looked back down at the blonde hair cascading across her shoulders, all soft natural curls but too white. No, it was fine. Tink didn’t have golden hair like the sun, she had a color like wheat. Softer and darker. And he was here with Tink. He wanted Tinker Bell. 

In this moment. 

Sure enough the wingless fairy was enough to bring his libido right back up to speed as she undid the laces keeping him tied down. The relief he felt was instantaneous and he bent down quickly to kiss her in wordless thanks. She pushed him off playfully and pulled him out of his leather pants before pushing them far enough down she could gain unfettered access. 

With one long drag of her tongue on the underside of his shaft, she kept him on her tongue as she wrapped her lips around him. 

The groan he gave as his hand and hook framed her face was animalistic. He watched as she pushed her head forward as far as she could go, felt the tip of him reach the resistance at the back of her throat before he felt it open slightly as she adjusted. Then he felt a quick flutter of pressure that he realized was her throat working a swallow before she pulled back with a suction that nearly lost him his soul. “Shit,” he whispered hoarsely. She repeated the action a few times before she pushed herself nearly to his groin and sat for a moment, her eyes flicking up to his. 

He knew what she was telling him, and he gave a small thrust on his own. The moan she gave reverberated through his entire body. His thrusts gained depth, but not momentum, not yet. When he was confident she could accommodate his length without hurting her, he let loose. His hand tangled in her hair as he tilted his head back with abandon. The sounds she made spurred him on, her hands on his hips and her lips moving in a sinful rhythm to the pace he set. He lost himself in the pace. No thoughts but the warm heat surrounding him. No thoughts but the pleasure he was chasing. He wondered if she’d lick her lips when he finished, the way he’d seen her do with the ice cream she’d gotten that morning. He wondered if she would stay in his arms the whole night, let him hold her the way he wanted to after that kiss in the tropical heat. If she would let him shower her with praise. She’d seemed shocked when he told her he believed in her, as though no one had ever told her that before. He would shower her with praise the second he finished. Actually, why wait, as mindless words spilled from his lips, his muscles so tense he could barely speak as he murmured, “so good, take me so good. Swallow me so good, love. Aye, I knew you would.” When he felt the light tap at his hip he pulled back instinctively, slipping from her lips.  Coming back to himself, he realized who he was looking at andfelt ashamed before coming to a steadfast resolution. If he couldn’t be with Emma, he needed to forget her. At least for tonight. He needed to focus on Tink. 

Pulling back, Killian hoisted her up further on the bed and leaning over her, kissing slowly up her body, laving affection over scars and marks as he rose to her lips. While he devoured her, he lined himself up and drove into her in one harsh push. The sound that escaped his lips was entirely out of his control. This was what he needed. A willing woman blissfully moaning his praises as he pressed into her. Entirely enraptured by the snap of his hips. He lifted her waist, his hook grazing his own thigh as he slipped her corresponding thigh into the crook of his elbow while his fingers tightly gripped the other. She wrapped her left leg tightly around his hip to keep the angle. 

Tink’s gasps became sharper and Killian felt the beginnings of the fluttering he knew were preceding another orgasm. He thrust harder and just as she started to scream out, he removed his fingers from her, shifting his waist so his body continued the pressure against her while never wavering from his tempo. She threw her head back in release, and he spread his fingers wide as he palmed first her mound, then across her stomach. When he reached her breasts, instead of giving either one the attention they deserved, he closed his fingers and slid his palm between them. Up, up, up to her neck.  Wrapping his hand around the delicate column, his thumb pressed against the frantic beat of her pulse, like a little hummingbird beating its wings. His fingers wrapped around and brushed into her hair. He leaned forward and whispered into the shell of her ear, his voice raw and breathless, “just like that, princess. So good for me. I knew you would be.” He didn’t know where the nickname came from, it was never something he’d called her during the many many times they’d slaked their desire for companionship in each other. It didn’t phase her, though, as she continued to moan. When she came down from her high, her lips sought his. 

Killian tightened his fingers and brushed his nose lightly against her ear, nipping it lightly before he gave her what she asked for, stilling his hips for a moment to take in the sensation. 

The kiss was wrong, too much teeth and not enough pressure. He opened his eyes out of an instinct to discern the problem and immediately regretted it, slamming them closed again. He was assaulted by the wrong round cheeks, the wrong colored eyes fluttering open, the wrong shade of yellow hair across his sheets. “Shit,” he whispered desperately, and hoped instead of realizing he’d caught himself thinking he was inside someone else, she merely thought he was overcome. He tucked his lips to the junction between shoulder and neck and bit down. The wrong smell- nature and earth instead of cinnamon and sweet pastry. With one final stroke of his tongue up the column of her neck, he whispered in her ear, “Flip over,” before leaning back on his heels and tilting his head back to avoid seeing her face but which he knew looked like a display of being overwhelmed with desire as he dragged his hand through his hair then down across his face, wiping the last remnants of her off his beard. He even let out a heavy hiss as she brushed against him. 

When he felt the unmistakable pressure of a backside against his groin, he finally looked back down. This would do. He trailed his fingers along the ridges of her back, small scars dotting it here and there that he pretended to not be familiar with despite centuries of familiarity and desperation. Instead, he focused on the glimpses of blonde locks draped across it, allowing him to pretend they were golden thanks to the shadows hiding their true color. He focused on the strong arms,- the features his Swan also possessed.  

He ground his teeth and groaned deeply as his fingers tangled loosely at the base of her skull, the texture of her hair just barely too coarse, but having only brushed his fingers through it once, maybe he was remembering wrong. He tightened his hold and she moaned. Spurred on by her pleasure, he leaned forward and lightly bit her shoulder before gently brushing his hook along her side. The cold metal was a shock on her heated skin as she instinctively jerked away from it before relaxing again. 

When she spoke, it was mindless words of pleasure that he normally would have basked in. But this time, the vowels were wrong. Long when they should have been short, sliding into extra vowels that wouldn’t normally be there. He let go of her hair and reached forward, marginally grateful he knew what she liked from practice. He covered her lips with his hand, his thumb brushing her tongue when she opened her mouth to draw it past her teeth and sucked. The way she’d drawn him to the back of her throat when they first entered his cabin. When he’d been able to grip her hair and look away. Before he’d needed to pull her off so he could take his time to properly forget the very woman he was pretending she was. 

With a growl of frustration, Killian pulled his hand away to position himself against her. He slid back in slowly, pushing only slightly before pulling out, adding more of himself on each successive stroke. He clenched his jaw tightly to keep himself from moaning the name on the tip of his tongue when he was finally seated as far as he could go, her hips flush against his own. 

Tink felt amazing, and for a few blissful thrusts, he was lost to the sensations of her wet heat surrounding him, the feminine grunts as he slapped his hips against hers, the soft skin against his palm as he ran it down her back, the smell of sweat that began to fill the cabin. He reached forward to her shoulder and gripped it, leveraging himself to better keep his vicious rhythm. He was Captain Hook. Debaucher of women, thief, pirate. Drunk on the rum in his veins and the pleasure of the woman in his bed. 

He slipped his hook around her, careful to keep the end pointed away as he rubbed against her with the curve of it. She gasped and he leaned forward to press his lips to the curve of her back, not once slowing his pace. He pressed his hook harder and slid his lips in lazy kisses down to her neck where he opened his mouth wider to lightly bite at the skin there. He took a deep breath and realized just in time he was about to moan a name he had no business saying. 

The daze he’d been in slipped away, and his thrusts faltered. She also paused and started to turn her head toward him. He tilted his own and brushed his forehead against her shoulder gently, his hand quickly reaching up to guide her face back into his pillows. He hoped she took it as an invitation to scream louder into the muffling feathers. 

When she did exactly that, he mouthed the name he wanted to shout against her skin. Not daring to give his vocals any pressure or air, for fear he’d slip. He understood women more than enough to know that would be a terrible mistake on many parts, least of all his own adherence to the most basic sense of decency. 

He found that while his intentions when they’d boarded the Jolly Roger hadn’t been to forget Emma between another woman’s thighs, he was now doing the even more egregious thing:  imagining Emma beneath him,  moaning in time with his thrusts,  pushing back into his rhythm and urging him deeper and harder. Killian squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the starbursts behind them would be enough of a distraction.  

He imagined Emma. Imagined her hand reaching back for him, and her mouth open in ecstasy. How she would have come for him, would squeeze him, pump him, scream his name. His name, not the strained “Hook!” that echoed through his cabin.

“-ma, Emma!” He finally groaned, unable to keep his lips sealed as his hips stuttered and jerked, coating her inner walls as they pulsed against him. He tightened his hold on her hip, his fingers so tight on her flesh that he knew there would be bruises as he held her against him and hoped she hadn’t noticed what he’d said. 

The way Tink stiffened as she came down from her high told him he wouldn’t be so lucky. Her breathing heavy and labored, she stretched her arms underneath her before turning to face him, causing him to slip out of her as she did.

She shifted to the edge of the bed and scoffed. “Right,” she said lightly as she shook her head and he continued to stare blankly at where she’d been lying just moments before. 

He’d hurt her. She was his friend and he knew what he had done was so far removed from good form he could feel the shame absolutely overwhelm him. He felt like the disgusting creatures scraped off the bilge when dry docked. He sat, not covering himself as she put her clothes back on, her movements suddenly steady, no doubt her anger sobering her. 

“Tink, I’m-” Killian started as he reached for her. 

She sighed heavily. “Don’t. I may have lost my wings. But I’d like to keep my dignity.” She stood up and walked out of the room, straightening her skirt in a single fluid moment. 

He heard her sure footsteps as they walked to the first mate’s cabin, only stumbling slightly when they got to the door and she fumbled with the handle. 

Killian  ran his hand over his face, his head swimming as his shame-induced sobriety faded. His fingers itched for his flask hidden in his coat pocket, across the room. Under normal circumstances, he would have liked to finish a barrel of rum to dissuade himself from feeling so horrific. However, being that was what got him in this predicament, he found the idea of losing himself in the bottom of a bottle less than appealing. 

He finally got out of bed to clean himself, splashing water on his face from the bowl in his cabin. He ran the water through his hair and avoided his reflection as he swayed and tried his best to scrub the sweat and sex from his body. Then he leaned heavily on the stand, fighting the urge to pull it from the wall and smash it to the ground. 

This had never been a problem for him before. He’d forgotten the pain of losing Milah many a night in the flesh of a willing partner. The next morning, the pain would  return, but never this wrenching pain that felt like his heart was physically outside of his body.

He dragged his eyes slowly up to face himself in the mirror. He’d done this to himself. The bitter feeling in his stomach, the hollow look in his eyes, it all made him sick. He felt like he’d betrayed someone, and when he thought about it he had. He’d betrayed Tink, most obviously, but also Emma, at least in his heart. 

He hadn’t seen Tink in years, but even then he’d counted her as a confidant, if not a friend. Yet, despite knowing his heart was with someone else, he tried to forget that by being with Tink, by pretending Tink was the woman he wanted. He hadn’t been disgusted so immediately by his own actions in a very long time. 

 He had no one to blame but himself. 

Unable to look at himself any longer, Killian lay down on his bed, his hand going to his hair and raking through it, down his face, and across the scruff of his beard. He knew this feeling, it had been a few hundred years, but he knew it well. He’d felt it when he met Milah in that tavern and sat down next to her, when his heart sank as she told him about her husband. He knew it when his heart soared upon seeing her again and telling him she was coming with him. 

His brother had always said Killian had a soft heart, something he’d spent years trying to prove wrong. But here was proof staring at him through the silent cold night, no moon shining through the window of what had once been his brother’s room although the truth was illuminated all the same. 

He was falling for Emma Swan, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t let anyone know about it. 

*

When he runs into Tink in the hallway of Granny’s she takes mercy on him. She asks  if he’s alright. She was too good for those fairies that excluded her. Too good for him and the way he brushes her hair off her shoulder and pretends the night before didn’t happen. 

He deserves it when her eyes shutter closed and she tells him again she was planning on keeping her dignity rather than have another romp with him. He knew he wouldn’t see her that night at The Rabbit Hole. 

But he’d seen Neal sitting at the booth Emma typically sat at with her family, turning to the door at every ding the little bell gave. Waiting for Emma. Killian’s stomach swooped at the knowledge that Emma was already showing Neal where her choices lay. However, if Neal was there, it also meant that Emma hadn’t outright told him no. It was that little detail that had Killian seeking out Tink, even knowing he would only end up embarrassing himself. Even as his body rebelled against trying to touch the smaller woman. 

Then a scream pierced the quiet of the little town he was beginning to call home. And with his blood pumping, he knew he’d find Emma at the end of their search for the source. He tried not show his excitement when she crawled out of her father’s vessel, his mind instead remembering the forlorn Neal sitting alone inside the dinner clearly waiting. That took the smile from his face faster than a wrong wind at sea. 

“Were you two…” she started to ask, gesturing between him and Tinker Bell. 

While Tink immediately answered a firm “No!”, he took advantage of the unease he saw on Swan’s face and answered, “Maybe.”

When another scream pierced the air, TInk took off along with David. Emma stayed for a moment, though. And for that moment Killian regretted implying anything other than how much he wanted her. She looked at him and in that moment he remembered her ability - she knew when people lied to her. 

Had he lied? How did she perceive what he’d said. He had been with Tink, but not just now. He’d been trying to seduce her, but not seriously. How would Emma interpret his lie? Could she tell when he was lying to himself?

 However, when he looked into her eyes, she just looked annoyed. He bit his cheek as she ran off in the direction of the screams. Well, that probably didn’t help him prove he was the better choice . Killian gave himself a further moment of self pity, rolling his eyes at his own idiocy before chasing after her.

*

While he buried himself with helping the royals recapture Pan’s shadow, he risked his life. He had hoped no one would comment, but then Tink pointed out what he’d come to realize the night before. He’d risk everything for love. 

 He was deeply in love with Emma Swan. 

Tink knew it, so she didn’t hold what he’d done the night before against him. 

He thanked every god he had ever heard of that Tink was a romantic before anything else. She didn’t seem to be willing to hold his indiscretion the night before against him but then she stopped him with a hand to his chest, “you should probably let her know that, sooner rather than later.” She gave a significant look over his shoulder to where David was clapping Neal on the shoulder, asking if he was okay. Killian tried not to let it boil in his stomach, but then David walked over to him. 

With a smile. 

And a hand out to shake. 

“Good job, Hook.” A smile. 

Killian easily recalled the smirk David had on Neverland. How he never thought his daughter would fall for a pirate. How Killian could only take his words like wounds to his chest, unable to block them with any denial. 

Now he had a handshake and an acknowledgment of his good deed. Maybe all hope was not lost. 

Until it was. When they had to say goodbye. 

When he watched her say goodbye to her parents. When her son said goodbye to his father. “I just found you,” she’d said to her family. He’d just found her. 

He stayed away, on the side lines, unwilling to intrude. What he wouldn’t give for one more minute with his brother. And he’d had a lifetime with him. Emma had only had her family together for weeks, and she was losing them again. 

His heart broke. For himself, but for the pain he saw in her eyes. 

Learning she’d remember none of them, that she wouldn’t remember Neverland. 

He was stepping forward before he realized what he was doing. He was complimenting her vessel because once her attention was on him he had no idea what to say. Only that he wanted to keep that attention on him. But he couldn’t.

“There is not a day that will go by that I won’t think of you,” he finally admitted, his heart pounding so loud in his ears he almost didn’t hear her when she whispered her reply. 

“Good.” He remembered that she  knew when someone was lying. She knew he wasn’t. She gave a barely there smirk, her eyes showing more emotion than her lips.

He returned the gaze, wanting so badly to take her lips one more time. For that heated kiss in the jungle to not be the only time he would know her. But he also knew they were not in the place for that. Not in front of her family, not with him about to go back to the Enchanted Forest with them as she drove away with no memory of any of them. 

With no memory of being loved and cared for and believed in. 

With no ability to come back to them.

But he knew in that moment, her son’s father standing back and not saying a word, that Emma was also telling him what her decision would have been. 

She would have chosen him. 

And now he gets to live the rest of his far too long life knowing that he could have had her, and she slipped through his grasp.  Because she chose her son above everything. 

Really, that just made him fall in love with her even more. 

He watched her drive over the town line, the boy swiveling  in his seat to watch them as the purple fog from the curse swallowed them all up. He watched her for as long as the fog allowed, his eyes squinting against it even as the boy turned back around and she kept driving. 

Taking his heart with him. 

Except this time, losing his love, he wouldn’t resort to revenge. He would live his life away from her, knowing she was happy and healthy and safe. He had no one to blame after all - except himself. 

He also knew nothing would be able to take his mind from her. While he’d drowned in women and booze after Milah, he knew he could do no such thing after Emma. He knew his men would notice before long. They weren’t a bright bunch, but they wouldn't be good pirates if they couldn’t smell blood in the water in the form of their captain nursing a broken heart that showed no signs of healing. 

Then a bird appeared at his window. And for the first time in a year- a year that felt longer than the decades that had bled into centuries after Milah- his heart soared.