#hashtag bpd projection teehee..
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it's Harassing You o'clock so i am gonna discuss my oc some more in the tags
#really been considering misha's weird relationship with authority and how it'd present in like. his everyday life#i kiiinda feel like it wouldn't be as simple as 'if i am scared of you i bend the knee' or 'if i am scared of you i will kill you'#like i feel like for his Inevitable religious crashout. he kinda needs more nuance in this specific area#because he simultaneously fears AND idolizes the emperor. he like. Switches lol. i keep projecting my bpd on misha.#i think because the emperor like.. THEORETICALLY#he CANNOT and WILL NOT abandon or betray misha. because the Way to impress him (in misha's mind) is so straightforward? like the emperor is#a symbol. he isn't a person who particularly cares about an individual's fucked up thoughts or minor mistakes. and misha believes he is#like FAVOURED by him. has like this parasocial bond that many adepta sororitas seem to have with the guy lol#anyway. i feel like with REGULAR PEOPLE? things are getting a little fucked up for him. because he's been traumatized and betrayed and#tormented and maimed by Regular People. part of the reason he is soo Angry and willing to Pulverize—believes humans are predisposed to evil#he's not CONSCIOUSLY aware of that fact. but his misanthropy is a major factor in his character lol. always assumes he's going to be#betrayed yet often walks right into it because he is So Blinded With Hope that SOMEONE loves him and cares about him#HOWEVER he also pushes people away because he DOES NOT want to experience more betrayal or pain. like the typical borderline paradox#where you simultaneously NEED constant human contact and reassurance to function but also isolate yourself to keep yourself and others safe#i think by his like. ''game-time'' appearance he'd be very much in a 'DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!' stage of his existence. makes his 'Own'#choices based on what He (emperor) tells him is right (misha is. delusional). struggles listening to authority figures like he could#when he was younger. generally just tries to keep to himself. which is a bit hard when you are in a nun mission LOL#i presume misha is working with an inquisitor or something and thus has more 'freedom' than his sisters. that's my only excuse for it akskdj#not to say he's like. some sort of rebel. he will go along with rules if it's easier and he has zero reason to Provoke you. but he is also a#moody and mentally ill freak with Anger ISSUES. thus will either be attacking YOU a heretic or himself. cannot repress his anger very well#at all LOL. it just Comes Out Of Him.#he IS a dogmatic puritan. at least for the most part. doesn't like BELIEVE IT in the sense that he GENUINELY believes it? believes it#because that's The Safest Way? Doesn't make him confront his relationship with religion and society? does that make any sense?#misha has MAJOR identity issues. he considers himself a totally empty vessel for the#emperor to enact his divine will. could not describe himself if you asked him to. not to say he DOESN'T have Traits or Qualities. he is just#hashtag bpd projection teehee..#had the Identity beaten out of him in the schola progenium <3#at least. misha believes the emperor won't abandon him. til he gets taken to commoragh and probably Loses It#anyyywayyyyyy. still fiddling around with him 👍#misha tag
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