#he doesnt try and hide that with santos

[ghostlypawn]

my #unfortunate trait is that i like how mel/langdon has an undercurrent of toxicity to them 😔

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 17: SAINTS AND SINNERS

WC: 5560

warnings: death, blood, mentions of 🍇, sa, violence, drugs, murder etc.

prev chapter

***

Yaera

"santo falcone made me give anya the drugs that killed her."

im sitting in my living room with my parents, with our legal representative sitting beside me. i knew this would happen, my parents quizzed me all night on my whereabouts and demanded to know the truth. even though the "truth" was not what they liked, i kept calm and let myself be questioned. the entire stance is that i have nothing to hide after all.

but that doesnt mean they believed me.

it was an uphill battle, getting to this part. even as they sit and look at me, i see the cloud of doubt in their eyes. they dont believe me at all.

"and what was your relationship like with the deceased?" the investigating officer asks me.

"they simply modelled together," my mother butt in before i could answer. "anya was three years yaera's senior. they did not see each other often."

the investigative officer looks at me for confirmation. i nod.

"and the last time you saw the deceased?"

"at an organized event," i say. "my parents and everyone was there. its where santo made me give the drugs to her. she took some infront of me and was fine."

"what was the behaviour of the victim like?"

victim? my parents told me anya's death was immediately ruled a drug overdose. she had that shit all in her veins. why is it that we're using words such as "victim". it implies someone other than herself was involved.

but i guess now with my story, thats the angle we're going with.

"she was like herself...a little more erratic than usual. she was excited to see me."

"and why is that?"

"we were friends?"

the investigative officer hums and writes something down on his notepad. i look to my lawyer who shakes her head, assuring me we have nothing to worry about.

"i thought you didnt know each other that well?"

"it feels like youre trying to look for a story where there is none, officer min. my client has done nothing wrong. shes an 18 year old girl who was coerced by a man in position of power," my lawyer says firmly.

"miss irina muñoz and miss claire galizia alleges that miss marino sold miss jelavić bags of pills that she mixed with cocaine, which then resulted in her death. that is a serious claim which has to be looked into. drug trafficking carries more of a weight than possession."

"i dont know why they would say that. ive never been on any drugs," i say. "ive done some underage drinking, but thats it. santo manages those girls, he feeds their drug habits. i dont know anything about this!"

"according to mr and mrs marino, both miss muñoz and miss galizia have been admitted for drug abuse in the past. they were forgiven because mr and mrs marino have known them since they were girls. it is possible that they have relapsed and fed lies while under drug induced psychosis. they are models and are often overworked, im sure you know how things are, mr min?" my lawyer added in.

"hmmm." the officer gets up from my parents couch and tucks his pen into the pocket of his suit.

"i'll be in contact, mr and mrs marino. i'll have to contact mr falcone for his piece on this. so far we have opposing accounts from both parties, which proves there is dispute. we'll open a docket soon."

the officer leaves our home, and i swear my parents breathe for the first time. my father is pinching the bridge of his nose. i dont know how to feel. they're going to open a case.

i cried when i realized anya was really gone. of course i cared about her. the tears stopped when i realized irina and claire ratted me out for no goddamn reason. i didnt feed her those fcking drugs. she was on hard shit regardless of my involvement.

"dont worry, they have nothing on you," my lawyer says and smiles at me. "the most he can do is apply for a warrant to search your house and the judge loves me, i'll make sure it doesnt get approved. as for now, dont go anywhere, you might be under surveillance, your hang out spots may be under surveillance as well. if you have any digital footprint relating to the sale of paraphernalia, let me know immediately."

my digital footprint was an old nokia phone with no gps, untraceable calls and no real existence because i smashed that phone to bits in san's apartment and scattered its remains on my way home.

"can i talk to you ms kim?" i ask her.

"call me dahyun."

"speak infront of us," my mother demands.

i shake my head. "no, im sorry. i really need a moment alone with her."

my mother looks at me enraged. "a moment alone–?"

"its fine, mrs marino," dahyun says with a smile. "im sure she just wants peace of mind."

i take her up to my room, where ive started to fucking stress. she sits down on my bed and looks at me with concern.

"are you worried about something, yaera?"

"no ones gonna know what we speak about, right? even if you find out im guilty?"

dahyun straightens herself and gives me a stern look. "there is complete confidentiality between a client and her lawyer. if you are guilty, i will always act in your best interests. its my job to always secure the best outcome for you, yaera."

"okay. can calls be recorded? on an old nokia phone?"

"no, but cellphone records can be kept and found through the nearest cell tower. this only gives you a general location of where the call was made though, not who its from or what was discussed on the call. they're usually kept for 6 months to 2 years. why? is there something youre worried about?"

im relieved, but tears start to pool in my eyes from i dont know what. i flick them off my cheek quickly.

"i had a call with the girls about the drugs on a second phone, which i destroyed after i found out anya overdosed. i just dont wanna look more guilty," i say weakly.

"its fine, yaera. thank you for being honest about it. you dont worry about looking guilty, that man coerced you. and coercion is a valid defense. is there anything else i should know about him?"

i tell her about that night. i let it all spill out. his attempt to assault me, what he did to me and my sister for years. by the end of it, dahyun is looking at me like i gave her a solid case.

"thank you for that, yaera. im sorry to hear about what happened with you and your sister. i should get working on this case as soon ASAP," she says, picking up her briefcase. "i'll keep in touch."

dahyun leaves my room and my parents are quick to barge in. i dont know if they were close by the entire time, but they were properly angry by the time they got to me.

"do you have any idea what you have gotten us into?" my mother says. "we will have to go against santo!"

there it is, the rush. the rush of getting out of here. the glimpse of hell that is being under their scrutiny and scope once again. ive had a good streak of behaving so far. its a pity anya had to break it.

my mother looks at my hopelessly. "really yaera?" she sighs. "please, please if you gave that girl the drugs, just admit it to us."

"this is going to disappear in 2 weeks anyway," my father adds on. "you might as well tell the truth."

they really think i did it. its laughable. i havent once had a run in with drugs. ive had a problem with smoking and drinking, but not once have i put my nose to a counter or even touched a joint. they know this, and yet they think its still possible.

"so you think i did it?" i smile bitterly. "you really think im capable of it?"

believing seasoned druggies over me. god, they hurt my heart.

"for what reason would irina and claire have to lie, yaera? they are your friends!" my mother snaps, fed up. "for gods sake! please, just spare us all and tell the truth, yaera. i dont know what to do with you anymore, really. you have hurt this family over and over."

"we give you EVERYTHING!" she cries out, actual tears rolling down her face. "and you do this to us. every single time its like our name means nothing to you!"

seeing my mother cry fills me up with rage i didnt even know i could pull out of me.

"fuck your family name," i seethe. my parents stare at me in utter shock. "your family name meant nothing when you chose santo over believing me. so many fucking times, you refused to go against him. you dont even realize how much YOU have hurt us by putting us under the eyes of that man. that fucking predator, do you even know what hes done to me? to US?"

"he tried to rape me. he tried to fucking rape me the night of that event. he had a whole relationship with yasmine when she was alive. when i stopped modelling, it was because he kept fucking molesting me. and you didnt see it, OVER AND OVER IT WAS INFRONT OF YOU. MY SHAME. MY FEAR. I WAS IN PAIN AND ALL YOU CARED ABOUT WAS THE FACT THAT I DIDNT WANT TO MODEL FOR YOU ANYMORE. FUCK YOU!"

throughout my rant, my screaming just got worse until i was left a sobbing mess. my parents just stood there like the lackluster humans they are. useless. disappointing. utterly unhelpful.

"what do you say now?" i laugh through my tears. "nothing to say about your perfect little santo?"

"he...he tried to..." my father stutters. and its the first time in my whole life he doesnt speak with conviction.

"yes, pàpa. he tried to hurt me. he almost succeeded."

and he would have. if san hadnt walked through those doors. and after that, i would have honestly killed myself.

my mother breaks down sobbing and drops down on my bed, holding her head in her hands. it isnt enough for me to see her like this. i feel nothing towards her.

"why did you never tell us?" my father asks. "really yaera, why?"

"why would i tell you anything. ask yourself if you are really good parents. if i can come to you for anything besides money and a way out of jail."

"that is not fair," my father says, shaking his head. "we have given you everything."

"but you did not keep me safe," i whisper defeatedly. "not from him. not even yasmine."

my father finds a spot on my carpet to stare at and i see a single tear drop stain the folds. i cant stand to see them process it. if they cant handle it, imagine how i felt.

all those times. over and over.

i wipe my face with the back of my hand and straighten myself. "i told dahyun everything. she'll use it to take him down," i say and walk to my door, grabbing a jacket off the hanger and shrugging it on.

"dont wait up for me. im not coming home tonight."

they dont try to stop me from leaving. i dont think they'll be able to, ever again.

***

san

wooyoung and i hang out on the rooftop of mao's club, overlooking the dried out city infront of us. wooyoung leisurely sips on a beer as he leans on the parapet, staring at the late afternoon sun over his sunglasses as though we're in some movie.

that's the thing with him really. he romanticized this gang life so often that i think he forgot how far things can go. how bad it can get. wooyoung was never the kind of guy to think things through till it was too late. he thought things wrapped up on their own, just like in the movies.

i used to get angry as hell at him. he was in this gang longer than me, yet we didnt see things the same way at all. its like he never really feared for his life, because in his head he'd never lose it. he was the main character with plot armour.

watching yunho die was the nail in the coffin. that illusion shattered completely.

"are you sure with taking on everything yourself?" woo asks me. "i dont want that shit on your conscience man. i fucked up, it shouldnt have to be you."

me doing it myself was the only way i'd be satisfied that we'd have a job well done. "i told you it wont bother me. i just want to get this shit over with, i'll get over whatever guilt i feel."

thats to say if i'll even feel guilty. i think the world would be safer without that hongjoong fucker walking around.

woo takes a swig of his beer, gulping it loudly. he takes off his glasses and tosses it aside, turning to look at me solemnly.

"im sorry for everything man. i know i probably ruined your life."

i pat his shoulder lightly and sigh. "dont take all the credit. you know that's my old man's work. we cant take back what happened. lets just work on making it out alive."

woo looks like he wants to cry with how his face scrunches, but no tears come. "i didnt think we'd separate so early. i knew you'd have to leave me to do some big boy job...but this isnt how i wanted things to end."

wooyoung in hong kong and me in cuba. i think its safe to say neither of us are ever going to see each other again. it makes my chest hurt.

"i'd rather have us apart than have us both dead over some bullshit like this," i say, hoping it comforts him. ive never been good at this whole talking about your feelings thing.

woo snorts and looks at his hands absentmindedly. "at least you won't be alone right? i guess this girl must be the real deal, sticking with you till the end."

i dont even want to smile about it. it comforts me a lot, knowing i wont be alone. knowing she'll be there till the end.

but then i imagine a few months from now. we make it out alive. we make it to cuba. yaera and i are together there. somehow shit goes sideways and she ends up in deeper shit. a crossfire she shouldnt be apart of.

that night when i left her, i pictured her dead body full of stab wounds and bullet holes. it made me physically ill. i couldnt even speak to her normally after that. my fear was paralysing.

"if i could, i'd leave her behind," i admit. "just to keep her safe."

knowing her, she'd kill me for it. and possibly never forgive me. just like me, yaera doesnt have much to live for here. ive seen her life and i'd run away from it as much as her if i had to go through all of that. our current reality was already considered the past. and even if we returned to it, nothing would be there for us anymore.

her and i were each others futures. despite everything, the way we started off and where we were now, i cant say i regret meeting her. i think shes the only thing that saved me from ending it all as soon as things were going bad. the one person who cared enough to bother me in every way, yeah she had her motives, but i know at some point, things like that stopped mattering.

we saw the worst parts of each other and yet...yet we still chose to go through all of this together. she had a choice. she couldve left whenever she wanted. but she never did. that soothed something in me. something i didnt realize i was always afraid of.

i think yaera marino saved me.

"you love her, huh?" woo hums. i know just from the mention of that word that my face is red because it feels warm. "i think she loves you too."

"i dont know. all i know is, i'd kill anyone that tried to hurt her. she'd do the same for me. thats what i know."

woo rolls his eyes at me. i know he thinks im a lost cause emotionally but hes not the one that gets to talk. i dont know what half my feelings are, all i know is i have them, they choke me up sometimes. sometimes they make me feel really weak and soft. i wont go slapping a label on everything, like that label would make things more sensible to me.

"i want you to see me off," woo says, thankfully changing the subject from yaera. "at the abandoned shipyard. after everything. least we should be able to do is say goodbye."

"so i get to see you off but you wont see me off at the airport," i halfjoke. "you're a real leech, you know that?"

woo smiles, its something of a defeated one. because thats really what we are–defeated. once we leave, everything will go to shit. im just glad i wont be leaving any family behind to possibly get hurt. and the one person i care about is coming with me.

"damn. after we do this, Miss A is going to get so much shit from the Black Dragons. shit is going to be all out war."

"no turning back now," i sigh. i cant say that i care too much about inconveniencing Miss A. she ruined my fucking life. she kind of deserves to sit with a mess. "plus, im sure she can find another lackey to help clean up whatever when we're gone. our errand-boy days are clean over."

woo shrugs. "we're helping her though, right? taking out the 2 biggest problems in the Black Dragons. this is the only way we'll send a real message."

fuck the message. i couldnt care less. i just wanted to give that witch what she wanted, take the money i made then disappear.

"no matter what, we're in this together. we started this mess together, that's how we'll end it," i tell him. wooyoung smiles at me, holding out his beer toward me. i dont resist, taking it by the neck and gulping down the rest of it. it burns my throat and i toss the bottle to the ground.

"hong kong is gonna be lame without you," woo whines. "mao's boys are gonna have me speaking fucking cantonese. im gonna have to roll with a whole new crew. you know how batshit those triads are?"

"hey, just imagine it'll be just like that video game you like," i tease him. "whats it called? watch dogs?"

"sleeping dogs," woo corrects me with a glare. "and fuck no. the main character's friend dies at the end, i am not trying to be like him."

well that was dark. "you'll play the story differently. way better."

"shut up. youre trying to hype me up when youre gonna be out there playing house with your woman. fucking cuba? you're knocking her ass up in a few months, i can already tell."

"i cant have kids right now," i mutter. though, it wouldnt stop me from trying. "i think the both of us just want peace. i'll see if she still cares about me when i dont bring any danger to her life anymore."

woo snorts. "if you're still looking for proof, you're a blind and deaf man."

my phone buzzes in my pocket. i completely wanted to toss it but i knew Miss A would start tripping and sending minions of her own after us if she couldnt reach me of all people. i expect messages from her, but all of them are from yaera.

i feel my head spinning reading it. she tells me that one of her friends died overdosing on our drugs and that she'll take care of everything. she has the nerve to tell me not to stress afterward, she booked the flight tickets, and that shes sleeping at my apartment tonight. at the end she tells me not to come home because theres a chance she might be under surveillance.

what the fuck?

"did she tell you shes pregnant or something?" woo nosily asks. i look up from my phone and scowl at him. he shrugs. "hey! i know you guys have been going at it like rabbits. i can see it on your aura."

"shut the fuck up woo, oh my god," i groan and show him the messages. woo shakes his head, looking both impressed and disturbed.

"i gotta say man, ive never seen two people more compatible. both your lives are absolutely shit. with the way you guys live, i can never guess what the hells going to happen next. least she gave you a heads up."

"you're one to talk," i fire back. "and as if that makes me worry less."

now i would have all of that in the back of my mind. one of mao's gangsters comes through the roof access door and calls for us to come down. our movie bonding cinematic scene was over i guess.

***

yaera

santo has never stopped trying to contact me since anya died. he probably heard i was throwing him under the bus, and now he wanted the truth. i'd give him that and more.

my phone rings again while i loiter around san's apartment, looking around for anyone suspicious. theres a telephone booth nearby, and i walk to it, punching in a coin as i dial his number.

"pronto?" santo answers.

"hey, its yaera," i say, and for a moment theres a brief pause before santo starts breathing heavily.

"tesoro..." still calling me that, arent you? "im so sorry for what happened at the gala...but what you are doing now...it is unforgivable. i cant allow it."

"you're right, santo," i sigh into the speaker, watching the cars blankly pass me by. "i really am sorry. my head is a mess, i cant handle anya's death and everything is confusing."

"why did you blame me?" he sounds hurt. what a fucking lunatic. "i would never hurt her. or you, or anyone?"

i smile, my hand gripping the phone tighter. "i want to fix things," i tell him. "can i see you, please?"

he pauses. i can imagine his fucked up smile behind the screen. "did it really take anya dying for you to finally say you want to see me?"

"get me at the old park tonight at eleven. on 78th avenue. i'll explain everything."

"why at a park? let me take you to dinner."

"i might be under surveillance, santo. and you might be too. i want us to talk with no interference, im scared of what it will look like if anyone sees us."

he sighs. "yes you are right... i will see you tonight. i look forward to sorting this out, tesoro."

"me too. ciao." i dont wait for him to answer back and slam the phone back into its holder. some old guy behind me looks at me strangely and i make my way up to san's apartment.

when i get there, i start making myself some eggs. when im in the kitchen, i noticed some of his fish died. san's been gone for a while so he hasnt replaced the water or fed them, and only one is left swimming around the tank. i watch as it slowly cruises in the greying water, all the dead mollys floating at the top of the tank.

tragic.

with all the bad shit thats been going on, i feel as clearheaded as can be. its scary to me, how calm i am at this very moment. a knock on the door holds back my foreboding thoughts and i go and check who it is.

i open the door slightly, seeing an asian man behind it. immediately as im looking at him, i know hes bad news. probably one of san's other gang members. fuck it, i know hes going to get mad at me for not listening to him about coming here.

"hello?" the man says, sounding confused. "sorry, does choi san live here?"

"no sorry," i smile despite my growing nerves. "i think you have the wrong apartment."

"huh..." the guy smiles, and its unsettling. "so you live here? whats your name?"

"i cant just give out my name to strangers, amore," i flash a flirty smile to throw him off. "i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"my name's hongjoong," the guy's smile grows and i have to stop mine from fading. i know hes not one of san's guys. in fact, i think hes the reason they have to go missing.

showing straight up to his apartment? was he going to kill san? does he know about me?

"thats a cute name. im marina," i hold out my hand and he shakes it firmly. "well hongjoong, i cant help you. but i hope you find who you're looking for."

"i hope so too, sweetheart. you have a good day."

hongjoong starts walking away and i dont go back into the apartment until i see him disappear into the lift. when hes out of view, i quickly lock the door and call san. it irritates me when he doesnt answer, and i decide to drop it because i know hes going to force me to leave the apartment.

that guy was going to kill san. but what the fuck did he think was going to happen, was he just going to show up and shoot him? come in and have some tea first?

god we have to get the hell out of here. these problems are becoming bigger than us. throughout the night i check the door to make sure hongjoong doesnt return, having done my research on him on san's slow ass wifi. the fact that i was flirting with someone who would have driven a machete clean into my gut is insane, but probably on brand for me.

san answers me when im getting ready to leave. i put on his hoody and mask, along with his black beanie. he calls me persistently right as im about to leave.

"hello?"

"why the fuck are you still there yaera?" san snaps at me instantly. "god, cant you listen to me for once? what if hes waiting for you there? what if he follows you?"

i cant guarantee that he wont, but i cant let him feel right. "he wants you, san. not me."

"hes a gangster!" san sounds like hes going to burst a vein. "a ruthless killer. and you're close to me, you dont think he'd rip you away from me on the spot?"

i sigh, at least i know he gives a fuck on whether i live or die now. "i know, i know. im leaving right now."

"its almost eleven, where the hell are you going?"

"to meet santo."

"what?"

san's voice in deep in confusion and its because i havent told him. was never planning to. this is something i needed to do alone.

"i want you to come get me tonight. can you do that?" i ask hopefully. "i cant go back home. not with everything going on."

"yaera..." san groans. "fuck. fine. where should woo and i pick you up?"

"outside the park. i need you to come as soon as you can."

"what are you going to do?"

"you'll know once i see you. bye, take care."

i hang up, and i know its fucked up but i need to be in the right head space. sans been my grounding force for a while, but i know i'll never be at peace with that fucker still being around. i need to end it all.

the park is dark and quiet, the faint light of the streetlamps barely making a dent in the darkness. the sounds of my converse crunching on the grass are accompanied by owls and the chirping of crickets, and the full moon is the the brightest thing in the sky. there arent even any clouds.

i take my seat on a bench near a lamp that looks like its on its last life. no ones around. i figured there'd be at least one ranger roaming, but i guess tonight was my lucky night.

no witnesses. just me and him.

santo emerges from the darkness, wearing a suit and his shitty fade is the first thing i see. he pauses in his tracks when he sees me, his face unreadable. i stand up and lower my mask, then i tuck my hands inside san's hoodie for warmth.

"tesoro," he says breathlessly. "how good to finally get you alone."

"you too," i say but dont move. neither does he.

"i didnt want things to be this way," he says. "really, throughout everything i just wanted to love you. and i wanted you to love me."

"like yasmine loved you?" i scoff with a wry smile.

his face falls. i cant believe he thinks i dont fucking know.

he laughs, genuinely shocked. "and where does that come from?"

"you were seeing her the whole time you were molesting me. only difference is, she fucking liked your attention. unlike me who'd rather die than be under your filthy gaze. i know everything. you probably killed her, didnt you?" i daringly say.

he stands there, his face darkening with my every word. its like hes remembering it all.

"so why did you do it?" i ask when he doesnt respond. "did she threaten to expose you for the trash you are?"

"i would never hurt anyone–"

"you tried to fucking rape me!" i scream. "more than once. you're capable of fucking anything!"

"i was trying to love you," he corrects me and starts coming closer. he stops right infront of me, his breath almost fanning my face.

"but you were always an ungrateful bitch and could never accept anything good. you deserve nothing. at least your sister was an angel. you? you are rotten, yaera. your eyes are empty. you have no light inside you."

"you took it from me," i seethe. "you took fucking everything from me."

he chuckles lowly, daring to smile in my face as he looks me up and down. "not everything. i still havent made you feel like a woman."

crazy how he thinks someone as hot as me is still a virgin.

"you've made me feel like nothing," i say. "you ruined me. youre a fucking rapist and a pedophile."

"really?" he tilts his head to the side. "well, if youre so ruined, then we must throw broken toys in the trash, dont you think?"

in a flash, santo grabs my face, maneuvering me around so he can choke me out with his elbow. i gasp at the sudden movement, clawing at his arm as he applies pressure.

"you want to know what happened to your sister?" he grits through his teeth. "fine, i'll take you to the same place as her. maybe you'll be happy with me then."

i reach back for his clothes, kicking the air hard till he swings me wildly. santo smacks into a tree with his back and momentarily loses his grip on me, and i grip the back of his suit into a fist before flipping him over my body and onto the floor. he tries to stand up but i stomp on his chest, pulling san's gun from the pocket of his hoodie. santo freezes when he sees the mouth of the gun pointed at his face.

"yaera..." he chokes, his hands going up in surrender.

"you fucking cunt," i growl. "i almost killed myself over what you did to me back then. now, i know the only one who should be dead is you."

he stares at me blankly, his breathing hard and erratic. he tries to quickly get up but i pull the trigger on him, grazing him in the arm. the first shot goes off and breaks the silence of the park. santo lets out a crushed scream, and i kick him across the face with the tip of my converse.

"you wouldnt..." he starts laughing erratically. "you wouldnt kill me. you're a fucking child. you dont have the heart–"

i aim for his head, firing another bullet, hitting the centre of his face.

smoke drifts from his mouth as his blank eyes stare into the sky. i see a pool of black appearing on the side of his head. its over.

its over.

i fire another bullet. and another. and another. i fire until the gun stops me with an empty click, till santo's face is full of leaking holes. then, i walk away, stepping over his body, pulling san's mask back over my nose.

***

tagslist: @mountiiny @brown88 @sansonlygf @mingkisbitch @yutaslaugh

if i missed anyone in the tagslist, please let me know.

next chapter

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: The Perks Of Santo Padre II

Gif credits to @angels-reyes & @nerd4music

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Hope you all enjoy

Happy reading dollies

Tag list @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @twistnet. @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder. @leaalfred. @mayans-mc. @baylishh. @ifoundmyhappythought

Don't you have some where to be, Oceteva"? Angel growls as he sees Nestor holding your hand when he came up to the table.

"No, I'm free". Nestor smirked as he sat down beside you.

"Well, you're not welcomed here. So you need to get the fuck out". Angel sat down in the other seat beside you.

"The only way I'm leaving is with Y/N, back to my place". The club around him laughed and whistled. Angel wasn't so happy about that, as he balled up his fist.

You chuckled under your breath, shaking your head. You couldn't believe that two guys liked you. You, of all people they could be with and they were fighting over you. Mind blowing.

"So, Y/N. What do you do for fun"? Nestor asked, his hand lingering on your thigh. Angel's hand on your other thigh.

"I watch movies and hang with friends. I like to paint and see the countryside. Listen to music and dance horribly". You giggled cover your mouth with your hand.

"I bet you dance wonderful". Nestor spoke with such a maturity to him that Angel didn't really have.

"Why you do that"? Angel interrupted yours and Nestors moment.

You were taken back by Angel's question, figuring you did something wrong. "I'm sorry". You lowered your head.

"Why do you cover up that beautiful smile of yours". He spoke sweetly and moved your hand from your mouth. A smile crept across it as your cheeks blushed.

"I dont like my smile".

"It's beautiful. Just like you. Dont hide it. Especially from me". You nodded your head.

"What time is it"? You asked everyone looking at their phones.

"Almost midnight. Why"? Angel said.

"I have to get home. Thanks for the drink and the company but I must get going. Hank will you take me home, please"?

"Yeah". He got up from his seat.

"I can take you home if you'd like"? Angel said before Nestor.

"Thanks but Hank brought me and I'll be leaving with him". You say walking with Hank to the door. Turning around and waving to the two men sitting on the couch.

A few days later, you were coming out to your car when you noticed two dozen roses and a gift bag sitting on the table on the porch.

You chuckled and shook your head. These guys were seriously going to war trying to win your heart.

"To Y/N, I hope you have a lovely day. Love Angel". You read the card of the flowers.

Opening the gift bag, you found a box with a sapphire necklace with a card that read. "Thinking of you. I hope you had a good night. I know I did. I cant wait to see you again. Sincerely Nestor". The necklace was beautiful but way to expensive. Both cost alot of money. You didn't want men spending that much on you.

Grabbing the flowers and bag you headed to your car for work. Your friends will have field day when they see this.

"Girl. Marry the one with the necklace. He has money". She squealed as with laughter.

"No". You simply told her.

"No, date the guy that sent you flowers. Its sweet and doesnt go overboard. And doesn't make him seem like hes trying to hard for attention". Your other friend said.

"I dont know what to do. They're both great guys and they're really cute. Nestor seems so mysterious and grown up. Angel is funny but kind of a child too".

"What's wrong with a man having a little child in him"? You and your other friend looked at each other and laughed.

"You know what I mean, damn. It means he knows how to have fun and make you laugh. Not be so uptight and rules rules rules all the time. Live alittle".

"You're right. I guess I just have to get to know them better". You huffed as you saw the stack of paper work in front of you. "We should get to work. We have tons of stuff to get to before tonight". They all agreed and headed to work. The whole day Angel and Nestor were on your mind. Maybe it was like that saying you talk about them and they appear.

"Cutey at table five". Your friend said as you turned around. There sat Angel with some of the guys you met the other night at your table.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here"? You asked oddly.

"We came here for the big event". Angel said looking you up and down.

"I didn't know you were on the VIP list".

"I got people in high places". Angel sent you a wink.

"Right, the waiter should be here to take your drink order. I have to get back to work". Angel grabbed your hand before you left.

"Did you like the flowers"?

"They're beautiful. Thank you". You sweetly smiled and walked off.

Letting out a puff of air you were holding in. You walked by another table and got a glimpse of those tight braids. Nestor was here as well.

"Nestor, what are you doing here"?

"I'm on the list. My boss gave me a bonus and this was the place to be".

"Oh alright. Well it was nice seeing you again. I have to get back to work".

Nestor took your hand in his. "Enjoy the necklace"?

"Its beautiful. Thanks but way to expensive. I cant keep it. After I'm done here I want you to take it. Get your money back".

"I dont want it back. I want to see it around your neck. You can wear it on our date".

You heard the scoff behind you. It was Angel with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What the hell are you doing here? I didnt know they let trash in the place". Nestor chuckled under his breath as he saw it was Angel.

"Well they let little bitches in like you so they must be letting everyone in".

They both growled at each other. If you weren't in the middle of them they would have thrown punches at each other.

"Guys, stop. Not here. They'll call the cops on you".

They both laughed. "We own the cops, sweetheart". Angel grinned.

"Fine. Kill each other. I dont care. But I'm not sticking around to find out who won. Grow up both of you". You spat and walked off.

"You stand no chance with her". Nestor shoved Angel.

"I saw her first. It's my club so I have dibs". Angel shoved Nestor into the table. Glass being tossed to the floor.

They started punching and hitting on each other. Angel was throw on a table. Nestor was kicked into a group of people standing nearby.

Security tried breaking them up pulling them apart. You came running up.

"You idiot's. I never want to see you two ever again. Get them out of here". You yelled. The guards dragging them out.

You turned around about to go back to work, you saw your boss waiting for you. With a disappointing look on his face. You knew you were fired and it was all because of Angel and Nestor being children.

[a-wanderin-whirlybird]

Sole Ender AU Its the Little Things

It's the little things that made Ryan feel safe with the Fakes. Like how Gavin and Michael always walk on his right side, never his left, so he can always see them. It's how Geoff makes sure that any Heists outdoors are occurring when it doesnt rain. It's how Jack always has an extra umbrella or Eye Patch for him. How Jeremy and Lindsay make sure to never make direct eye contact. Jeremy looks at his mouth, Lindsay watches anywhere and everywhere else.

Those little things always made Ryan feel welcome. Even after they found out about the experiments, the Lab, the Eye. But still, something felt missing, Ryan could never put his finger on it. But he felt, lost still. He didnt realize the Emptiness was caused by something so simple until one night while playing Trivial Pursuit.

"Authors last names? Fuck that! Every last bastard whose ever written a book has a weird ass last name! They could be Hilda Sasquatch or some shit!" Jeremy shouted. Jack laughed and Gavin snorted.

"Jeremy, you wrote a book." Michael reminded him.

"Well Dooley is a funny last name!" Gavin pointed out as Jeremy growled and slapped the Brit on the back of his head.

"Yeah, like Free is any better!" Jack was losing it in the background as the Lads began to bicker and wrestle. Ryan's nose scrunched as his chest tightened and the empty feeling began again.

"What's with the face Rye?" Geoff asked breaking Ryan's stare. His left eye was covered with a glittering purple and blue eye patch Gavin had made out of his Sparkles. It was a fine gift, one that Ryan treasured.

"Its, it's nothing really." Ryan insisted a bit hesitantly. Geoff shook his head.

"Suuuuuurrrre, it's really nothing." Geoff drawled sarcastically. Ryan rolled his eye.

"Your like a security camera." Ryan muttered. "You keep digging and digging."

"Yeah that's not weird at all." Geoff sighed. "But fine, I'll stop. Just remember you Can talk to us."

"I... I know Geoff." Ryan muttered as the fight before them settled. "Just. Not now?"

Geoff nodded and they all turned back to the game. Ryan hoped that he could bury that empty feeling and never touch it again.

It was just a Last Name after all.

Turns out Ryan couldnt avoid the feeling for long. It was another game night a few weeks later. Jack and Geoff were out with Gavin, so Michael, Jeremy and Lindsay insisted Ryan joined them for Mario Party.

"Right so what's got you so fucked?" Michael asked never looking away from the mini game on the screen.

"Oh elegantly put Jones." Jeremy teased. Michael knocked into Jeremy who went tumbling away and Ryan felt the hole in his chest open again.

"I dont know what you mean." Ryan said as Lindsay pressed into him.

"Bullshit you keep wincing at random! Your eye bugging you?" Lindsay asked this time. Ryan shook his head, he felt stupid he just wanted these people to stop caring so much!

"We arent going to stop caring dipshit that isnt how this works." Jeremy said. Great, Ryan thought, he said that out loud.

"Yeah! We're a crew and shit we ain't gonna not care! Somethings bugging you and we want to help!" Lindsay declared throwing her arms around Ryan and pulling him into a hug.

Ryan tensed then mumbled.

"Sorry what was that?" Michael smirked. "Cant hear you through Lindsay dude."

"I dont have a fucking last name alright? It's a small stupid thing but it drives me nuts! I feel even less human!" Ryan shouted, pushing away from Lindsay. Michael and Lindsay began to laugh.

"Dude chill. It's just a name it doesnt mean shit!" Michael wheezed.

"Yeah dude. No need to get your panties in a twist over it." Lindsay added. Ryan growled and silently rose to his feet.

"Ryan?" Jeremy started but with a Vwoop, Ryan teleported away leaving the three others behind. In a cloud of dull sparkles.

Ryan could teleport pretty far. The farthest he ever went in one go was 20 miles. But now he didnt want to go far, just hide. And what better place to hide than one of the safe houses?

It was a small apartment closer to the suburbs of Los Santos, it was nice, if small. It was usually reserved for when someone was on a solo mission and needed to lie low, which meant that Ryan was there most. So he got to decorate.

Back at the Labs he never got to make any space his own. Everything was sterile and empty. He hated to remember the open space and clean white walls and the smell of bleach and chemicals.

Which was why this space was filled with stuff. Sure it was tidy, nothing was rotten or moldy, but Ryan used every space available. If the floor didnt have a rug there was a table or chair. If the tables didn't have Flowers, TVs, knickknacks or something on it there was usually a cup of Diet Coke. It was filled to the brim with bright plants, paintings, photos you name it.

Ryan plopped down on the couch feeling stupid. Why was he so hung up on a name? He had given himself the name Ryan sure, why not a last name?

Ryan knew why, and as that thought rose up he pushed it away. He didnt want any memories of the Labs in his head right now. Now he wanted to just sleep, he wanted to feel less... less stupid and childish.

So Ryan went off to the bedroom and buried himself deep under the covers, like he used to, and blocked out the rest of the world.

Ryan was 13 again and he sat on his cot, swinging his legs absently.

"Why dont I get one?" He heard himself ask. "Why am I only a number?"

"Names are given by family to people. You have no family and you are no longer human. You are far better than that." One of the blurred figures said. The second scoffed.

"Better? It cant even run the most basic excersise without failing ten times. Its isnt anything but a waste." Ryan couldnhear the sneer in the figure's voice as pain shot through every nerve on his body. "Failure doesnt get you a name of any kind. You are a tool, and a broken one at that. Dont forget that."

Ryan woke up with a start. Turning to the clock Ryan cursed. 3 am. He wasnt going back to sleep. Again.

Getting to his feet Ryan didnt bother to change into fresh clothes. He had slept in his jeans why not just use them again? But he grabbed a jacket and went out into the night.

Mount Chilliad loomed in the distance as Ryan walked the dark streets of Los Santos. He could have teleported where he wanted to go, or even driven. But he didnt want to. Walking felt better, it gave agency, he decided where his feet went, no one else.

"Oh Thank Fuck! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Ryan jumped, ready to fight and run from the handlers. When recognition snapped his mind from bad memories.

Standing before him was Jeremy, holding a tiny wiggling bundle of fur. A cat from what Ryan could tell. Jeremy smiled nervously, but relief was evident in the smaller man's eyes.

"Look, uh. Fuck I suck at this shit. Let's go inside yeah? We are near a place I own. Come on." Jeremy ushered Ryan towards a nearby apartment building. Ryan followed wordlessly, but obediently. At the door Jeremy hopped around a little.

"Keys, keys. Uh Hey Rye mind.holding him for a sec?" Jeremy then thrust the cat into Ryan's hands who finally got a good look at the little fur ball.

They were a tiny black kitten, fuzzy and wiggling furiously. What stood out the most was that it was missing a front leg.

The door clicked as.Ryan made eye contact with the little kitten. His chest tightened and his mind whirled as he looked into the kittens little eyes. Then it looked at Ryan's jacket and started burrowing into one of the interior pockets. Ryan felt a purr resonating out of the tiny cat from in his jacket and through his ribs. His chest began to unclench and suddenly he was.aware he was inside a studio apartment.

There were art supplies everywhere. Everything from Yarn and Knitting needles, to paints and canvases to wood sculptures, and musical instruments were strewn about. Jeremy hopped around the room over to a ragged old bed, kicking off his shoes as he went.

"Well, make yourself at home. Dont mind the mess things just get thrown around alot." Jeremy said sheepishly. Ryan picked his way through the room, his eye moving around and soaking up all the little pieces. The space felt lived in not just visited like the safe houses.

"Is this a safe house?" Ryan asked as he sat down on the bed. Jeremy shook his head.

"Nah. It's my apartment. Before I joined the Fakes I lived here. Still try to come back, sometimes you just need your own place you know?" Jeremy explained. There was a tense silence for a few minutes then Jeremy spoke.

"Michael and Lindsay were being a bitch." Ryan tensed ready to run. "No please just, hear me out?"

Ryan froze, suddenly aware he had gotten up to leave. Jeremy had his arm, and the Kitten purred even louder than before. Ryan sank back onto the bed.

"Look. I dont know what your life was like before you joined us but it obviously wasnt even a little bit good. Actually it sounds like it was fucking awful." Ryan laughed dryly.

"That's putting it lightly."

"Yeah no shit. But it's not stupid to feel shit." A pause. " If not having a Last name bugs you why dont you give yourself one?"

"Its not..."

"Not that simple yeah?" Jeremy finished Ryan nodded as the kitten crawled out on Ryan's lap.

"Alright, well. Do you think you can tell me why?" Jeremy asked. Ryan thought, eye down on the kitten as the little guy curled up on his lap without a care.

"Its not the same. It belongs to a family. I cant be a family of one." Ryan insisted and Jeremy shook his head.

"Ok two things. One. Thats a load of horseshit and who ever told you that was dumb as fuck. And two. There is more to it isnt there?" Ryan stayed silent. Running his fingers through the Kitten's fur. Jeremy began to whisper. "You're human, Rye. Just cause someone says you arent doesnt make it true. I know that one."

Ryan froze he didnt expect anyone to pick up on that. The whole Not human but was always somewhere in the back of his mind, eating at him. Jeremy wrapped himself around Ryan hugging him tightly. Ryan shook as he melted into the other man's touch, a few tears spilling out.

"You know. My family abandoned me when I was a teenager. Said I was a monster just cause I kissed both guys and girls. Not exactly dubious experiments but it is dehumanizing all the same. I kept my last name though. I did it as a big old fuck you to them. They died during one of the Fake's heists. Got to watch then burn myself. But the name never connected me to them, a name connects you to who ever you want it to." Jeremy was quiet as he spoke, his voice against Ryan's skin as he pressed into Ryan's neck.

Something was bubbling in his brain, but Ryan had no idea what it was. And right now was not the time to figure that out.

A small Meow pulled the two away from one another. The little kitten was trying to climb up Ryan's jacket between the two. As it scrambled up Jeremy laughed, and Ryan felt a chuckle escape his throat. The kitten then flung itself over Ryan's shoulder, it's one front paw kneading his shoulder blade and purring up a storm.

"I forgot this little guy was here." Jeremy said through a laugh. A pause, then Jeremy smiled softly. "Ya know, I was going to take him to the shelter. Geoff won't let me keep any animals. But I think you should take him."

"You just said-" Ryan began but Jeremy shook his head.

"I'm not allowed any animals. Geoff never said anything about you keeping a pet. And hey! Now you have another family member! You can give him a first name and a Last name of your choice!" Jeremy beamed at Ryan who smiled a little.

The sun rose as the Battle Buddies walked into the penthouse. The morning news was filling the living room, telling the story of several Petstores that had been robbed of supplies in the night.

"And what a coincidence, you both have Pet stuff." Geoff hissed as he sucked back more.coffee.

"Yeah well, Ryan's got a cat now so you gotta have toys and a litterbox to you know?" Jeremy said as he dropped a giant bag of cat food next to the kitchen Island.

"I thought I said no pets!" Geoff shouted, his voice cracking.

"Yeah but only for Jeremy." Ryan pointed out. "Abd Finnieas isnt a pet. He's family."

Geoff paused, Ryan knew the gears were turning. Geoff groaned.

"Ugh! Fine! You can keep the damn cat!" Geoff hissed. "And Finnieas? The hell kind of name is that?"

"Ih his full name is Finnieas Gavallo Haywood thank you." Ryan insisted with an air of dramatics. Jeremy giggled and kept in front of Ryan who held the kitten before him.

"A poud name Haywood! Ancient and divine! Dating all the way back to 4 hours ago!" Jeremy exclaimed. Geoff laughed.

"Alright you dolts get a move on. I'm going to text Jack and let them know you two caused the morning rukus." Geoff said. Jeremy took off down towards Ryan's room, a bag of cat toys in hand. As Ryan went to follow, Geoff got up off the couch. He placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder and gave a lop sided smile.

"Haywood's a good name. You know. I picked Ramsey myself when I built this crew. Jack took Patillo at that time to." Geoff then walked away, pulling out his cellphone and typing.

Finnieas purred as Ryan took in the unspoken message.

A name may seem like a Little Thing, but it holds importance all the same. And sometimes you need to give yourself those Little Things to heal.

[vclencias-blog]

hello my guys i am marissa ! i’ve been creeping on this group for a few days and finally made up my mind on who tf to bring here so ! here is valencia. call her val, lenny, cici, literally whatever and she’ll pretend to hate it but secretly love it. anywho let’s do the thing

☆ · ˚ . ✦ . ˚  { EIZA GONZALEZ, 24, SHE/HER } spotted! VALENCIA SANTOS making their way down the streets of the ues. i swear, every time i hear GIRLS YOUR AGE by TRANSVIOLET, i think of them. the CISFEMALE is currently a EVENT PLANNER. though everyone knows them for being ENTICING & CLEVER, page six says they could be MANIPULATIVE & FICKLE. according to gossip girl, SHE GREW UP VERY POOR AND THE ONLY REASON SHE CAN AFFORD LIVING IN EUS IS BC HER SUGAR DADDY, but that could be a rumor. 

so val grew up v poor in the bronx, it was her, her older brother and their mom. their mom raised the two completely single and barely ever spoke a word of their father, just always said he was dead 

val has since discovered that her dad had connections w the mafia and gangs and thats how he was killed when her brother was a baby n she wasn’t even born yet

their mom was a bit of a mess, had a drinking problem and is bipolar so the kids were consantly dealing w her manic/depressive episodes and trying to keep her on her meds

val loves her mom and her brother dearly, but she def resents the life she had before now that she’s on ues

she has always been very smart and very envious of the rich, her goal was to go to college and become an event planner so that’s what she did,, w no help from her family or financial aide or anyrhing

sO she decided to take matters into her own hands and became an escort to pay for nyu when she realized how much money/things/connections it could give her

low and behold things changed completely for val when she started her work and she was finally happy w her life

of course there were some hiccups along the way, getting linked w dangerous men, v powerful men, family men w oblivious wives, val has dealt w a lot of the drama and some intense shit

out of anyone tho, she could handle it. she has a very hard exterior and p much craves the drama, she’s bored without some sort of excitement

she can support herself now w her job as an event planner but she still has lots of ties in escorting and still does it sometimes for the thrill of it

she sends her mom and bro money every month to help them survive,, her bro and his wife and baby girl still lives w mom to make sure she doesn’t do anything too crazy

nobody rlly knows abt how val was brought up, she doesn’t hide it, but she doesnt rlly get close enough to tell ppl abt it so there’s that

wanted connections!!

sugar daddy

previous clients for either event planning or escorting

other escorts

roommate

friends from nyu

best friends from home

exes/exes from home

friends w benefits

hookups past and current

party pals

family members of past clients

literally anything please bring me all the drama and angst tbh

if you made it to the end of this,, i love you already. im p sure there’s even more but this is all i can think or rn.. like this or im me and we can plot smth out !!

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 14: I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE

wc: 6054

tags: violence, attempted s/a, smut, angst, drugs

a/n: this chapter might be triggering for some people, read at your own risk.

prev chapter

yaera

i havent been to one of these events since i was fifteen. that doesnt sound like a long time, but considering my sister was still alive then, it certainly felt like forever had passed.

the dress i was given is pretty at least. its black, has long sleeves and looks like it was designed for a sexy vampire. one good thing came out of this shitfest.

but the best part is, i can hide san's drugs within my outfit. im not stashing them in matching black purse because it'll get searched, but the tiny ziplock bags fit perfectly in my sleeves and boob area. this will truly be the riskiest thing ive ever done.

irina and the others even messaged me not to forget the stuff. im so focused on just getting that money the fear i had buried inside me hasnt completely resurfaced yet.

im staring at myself in the mirror, looking at my smokey eye make up. the black hair dye really gave me a morbid yet sexy aesthetic that im not bad about. if i could describe myself in two words, it would be exactly that, morbid and sexy.

the sexy part is what bothers me. i know there are people who would agree all too willingly with that. and its not my target audience.

my room door swings open and my mother walks in. theres a strange look on her face as she takes me in. we say nothing to each other for a few moments till she breaks the silence.

"bellisima," she says, almost under her breath. "we can really never go wrong with santo. he made you look like a princess, even if you look like you are going to a funeral."

my insides squirm at the mention of his name. i tried to ignore it, but the fear i felt in that bathroom is coming back full swing. im seeing him tonight. he'll be waiting for me.

"please don't do this again this year," i stiffly begged. "you need to find someone your own age Santo. I'm...I'm not the one."

santo cocks his head to the side and smirks. "and who told you that? who said you're not perfect for me?"

"i don't fucking want you," I hissed. his eyes widen slightly, more out of sick arousal instead of offense.

he advanced on me and i blinked, finding myself pressed against a stall. i whimpered and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but my arms were pinned to the side. oh my God, I'm going to be sick.

"but I want you, and you know that. so why don't you stop playing games," he whispered dangerously close to my ear. i shivered and my nausea kept tugging at my stomach.

"i'm your only chance at a respectable man. your parents already love me. so why don't you accept the love I have for you? you'll never find anyone like me, tesoro."

"i fucking hope so," i whispered, pinching my eyes closed. he moved his face infront of mine, hovering his lips over mine. I whined and wriggle, but he isn't fazed by my struggling.

"you're a big girl now, right?" he said lowly. "i think it's time you feel like a woman."

i snap out of that awful memory when my mother clicks her fingers infront of my face. "come on, hurry up! we are only waiting on you!"

i cant leave san's side tonight. no matter what.

when i get downstairs, my nearly feel the breath getting knocked out of me. he's standing there, looking more handsome than i've ever seen him. black hair slicked back, eyebrows done. the suit is sitting perfectly. its like he's the model here and not me. god i think im going to be sick.

he gives me a small smile but says nothing.

"doesn't she look perfect, amore mio?" my mother says to my father, who only gives an awkward smile of acknowledgement.

"the two of you can sit at the back of the limo. your mother and i will take the two front seats," my father says, then turns to san with a pointed finger. "dont get any ideas, boy. i know your headmaster personally."

san awkwardly laughs. "i would never, sir."

i try not to wonder how true that is. we pile into the limo and my parents keep looking at us through the rearview, making sure there's a significant gap between us. i look over to him and all the anger i felt before is just gone. i think im fucking whipped.

hes the most beautiful man ive ever seen.

"san..."

"you look really pretty," he tells me before i can say anything. saying that with the most expressionless face makes my face drop.

"oh-"

"i just wanted to say that. you really do."

i dont know what to say. the limo is dim so i dont know if he can see how flushed i feel. he leans forward and i think hes about to kiss me. i hope for it. i dont even care if my parents are nearby.

"where are you hiding the stuff?" he whispers. oh right, his drugs.

i show him my sleeves, how the pills are pressed finely between the folds. then i point to my bust. "others are in here," i say.

he chuckles lowly. "creative. you can give me some if you need more space."

if san gets caught with this my parents would end him. everything he worked to achieve would be gone in less than 2 days.

"i think i should keep it. just in case anything happens. you know, rich girl immunity."

san nods and leans back away from me, making me feel empty. "of course."

no words are exchanged between us for a few moments. so we're really going to pretend like the party didnt happen? did that mean it was never going to happen ever again. i dont want to sound desperate but my head is screeching for answers.

but i focus on what matters tonight. putting on a show. getting irina and the others their drugs and collecting payment. and most of all, escaping santo.

"san, can you do me a favour?" i ask.

he hesitates but nods anyway.

"dont leave my side tonight. please."

he rubs the back of his head nervously. "well, i am your date. and i dont know anyone else here."

god. he doesnt realize how bad i need him.thats the thing, i need him more than he needs me. i can never delete what i have on him. i never know when this will go sideways.

the party is at some hotel. when we get there, i can tell the reception is intimidating to san. the cameras, the flashing lights. the security. i grab his hand and he doesnt protest as we go inside. both of us get patted down by security guards, of course the drugs go undetected.

we go inside and the dinner set up is fancy as fuck. i look at san and i cant tell if hes forcing the coolness to not have a panic attack, but his face is blank. i spot irina and the others at a table and wave, my mother dragging us to a separate table with our name on it.

theres a stage with a massive projection screen, where a slideshow of the lingerie collection plays. i know at some point the pictures from the shoot will play out as well. im hoping to sneak off before then because i cant handle the embarrassment.

"so this is your life huh," san mutters next to me. i frown, his tone sounds disappointed.

"whats wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. just...i cant believe it sometimes."

hes been acting so weird. is he insecure? fuck i.dont even know where to start placing questions. my stomach sinks a little at his tone. i guess he'll never get it. he doesnt understand what im really running from. i doubt he ever will. that class disconnect will keep beating our ass.

to him, anything is better than being in a gang. i guess hes right. but that doesnt mean there arent things out there that would make you want to kill yourself. i would know.

santo walks out on the stage and everyone starts clapping like this is the oscars. "good evening everyone, buenos noches, buonasera, and everything else! welcome to the launch of the new Cosa Pericolosa brand. a brand distinct for its dangerous yet delicate beauty, made of the finest Italian lace and silk. i want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate and enjoy this milestone. there will be dancing and there will be a party, saluto!"

as soon as he gets off that stage, i see his face find my parents table. hes coming straight for us. i instantly grab san's hand under the table. he turns to me utterly confused, but i cant deal with that right now.

"mi famiglia!" santo loudly says and kisses my parents on the cheek. he gets to me and does the same, his kiss lingering on me longer than i wanted. i suppress a shiver. "tesoro, you look beautiful in the dress i picked! im so glad to see everyone here!"

"we could not have done it without you, santo!" my mother gushes. "you look so handsome!"

"ah, you are making me shy. it is really you people who are stealing the show, wait till you see how the pictures turned out!" he laughs obnoxiously, turning to smile at me.

"im so glad you are here, tesoro. it is good to finally have you back. your sister would be proud of you."

"thank you, santo." i force a smile. when really i want to scream. dont fucking bring her up, i want to scream it. but i force a stupid, docile smile. fuck if this night goes on for any longer, i might end up doing these drugs myself.

"hold on, who is this," santo finally acknowledges san. he holds out his hand to him. "i am santo falcone. but you can call me santo, you are?"

"that is yaera's date," my mother chimes in as san awkwardly takes his hand. "san choi. he is a classmate."

"oh," santo's smile tightens and he glances at me. "just a classmate?"

my father forces a laugh. "of course. do you know me? she can meet someone when it is time to get married."

santo grips san's hand for an uncomfortable amount of time till he ends up needing to rip it away. "nice to meet you, san choi. excuse me, i will return to you all. i have to greet the other guests and then have them run the music. you all enjoy the night."

he leaves, giving me a weird look before going. is he fucking jealous? does he seriously think he owns me? i dont know how my sister worked with him. hes so fucking creepy and somehow that never came up between us.

irina and the others arrive at our table next, greeting my parents with hugs and kisses. "can we steal yaera for a second? she looks so gorgeous!" claire says, gushing.

"no really, i want to rip that dress off you!" anya says. my mother rolls her eyes and laughs.

"please girls, bring her back in one piece for the show." my mother says. a smirk i know to be devious grows on irina's lips.

"oh we will, dont worry, mrs marino."

im so happy to get up from that table. san grabs my dress and looks up like a lost kid. "where are you going? dont leave me by myself here," he says under his breath.

awww hes so awkward. "ill be right back. dont miss me too much."

his eyes are desperate and his smile is so forced its hilarious. "youre really going to leave me with your parents?"

"dont worry she'll be back!" anya tells him, noticing him holding my dress. "your boyfriend is so clingy, yaera."

i can tell san is trying not to murder her with his glare. not more can be said because im whisked away. we end up in the bathrooms that look like something out of the louvre. anya and claire start taking mirror selfies while irina starts putting the money down on the sink.

"all of it is here, you can count it yourself. now where are the stuff?" she says. i start unrolling my sleeves, taking four of the bags out, getting the other five from my boobs.

anya and claire quickly come scrambling. "oh god, finally!" claire says. "we've been waiting so long."

"is it really that good?" i wonder, their relief is crazy to see. "better than what you already do?"

"alone its okay. but together with what we already do? a fucking trip to the skies," irina shakes her head with a smile. "ive never been so glad to know you, marino."

mixing drugs. that doesnt sound smart. but what do i know? im not the addict.

i smile and take the money, folding it back into my boobs. "youre welcome. and you know if you need more, where to call me."

"of course. and you better answer."

"your boyfriend is so fucking hot yaera," anya says with a sigh. "hes literally gorgeous. where did you find him?"

"careful, you cougar. you cant be talking about an 18 year old like that," i joke.

"im not even twenty three shut the fuck up!" she shoves at my shoulder.

"so he is your boyfriend?" claire smiles. the three of them coo like children when i start blushing.

"im getting there guys," i say. "hopefully soon."

"what do his parents do? he looks like a model himself." claire says.

"you know this is yaera, hes probably crazy as fuck. like the last one, what was his name?" irina chimes in with a snort. "i bet this one is the reason she has drugs in the first place."

i scowl at her. shes right but i hate that she read me so easily. "bitch, just enjoy my services. goddamn it you people are nosy."

she raises an eyebrow. "am i right though?"

i roll my eyes and start to leave, saluting on my way out. "im getting back now to my date now, goodbye ladies."

luckily when i get out, theres music playing and people are on the floor. san is sitting alone by the table, taking random sips out of a champagne glass. im so excited. i actually got money back for us. i throw my hands onto his shoulders and smile widely, unable to hold my excitement.

"so guess who collected their first payment?"

san's eyes widen. "all the money there?"

"every last note. so i think to celebrate we should dance."

san frowns and cringes. "i dont dance. im fine here."

i roll my eyes and grab his hand, pulling him up with a hard tug. "is it a sin for you to do ANYTHING fun? the music is playing and we have something to celebrate, come on."

he sighs and gives in with a lame smile. "fine."

i lead him to the dancefloor, swinging my arms around his neck. san's hands drop to my lowerback as we sway and i cant ignore the happiness bubbling in my brain. i cant stop smiling.

"you seem really happy," he notes. "you're getting a big head from your first payment huh?"

"of course. its just what i needed to prove myself to you. that i can pull my weight and that im not just some liability."

"i never said that-"

"yes you did san. many times." i remind him, and his cheeks flush from.embarrassment. "i can even quote you on it if you want?"

"please dont," he chuckles under his breath. "fine, i guess you can pull your weight."

his dimples are piercing through. i stare at him mesmerized and i cant even hide it. i bet if i was a cartoon in this very moment, i'd be having stars in my eyes.

"you're perfect, you know that?" i say without thinking.

san's eyes widen, then darken in seconds. "what?" his voice is just barely together.

"i want to kiss you again," i admit. "i think its all i'll want for a really long time."

i lightly stroke his cheeks, seeing them go rosey. this is all i have. the only thing that shows me that i do affect him.

his eyes dart down to my lips and i shrink the distance between us, till we're just barely a centimeter apart.

"i dont want you to think about it," i tell him. "just do whatever you want in the moment. thats all that matters."

"yaera..." he gulps, then takes a step back. "i-i dont know about this. lets just...this isnt good. for either of us."

"says who?" i scoff.

"says me. you and i should just stay business partners. strictly business. anything else wont end well for either of us."

hearing that makes my heart shatter and my stomach drop. fuck i can feel my eyes filling with water. i try to choke.it down but i know its obvious.

"so you're just gonna.pretend we never kissed at that party?" i lay down my arms from his neck. "youre just going to pretend that never happened?"

san stops dancing and gives me a curt nod. "i think its best we do. we both know i just represent something to you. something forbidden. thats why you want me right? because im someone you cant have."

i laugh bitterly. "i cant fucking believe you."

i feel a tear drop. san sees it and frowns. "yaera wait-"

i swat his hands away from me. "you are such a fucking dick."

i get off the dancefloor and run somewhere. i dont know where. im just walking, looking for a place to break down and sob. god this is so embarrassing. im so fucking pathetic.

i stop infront of a random room and twist the door handle. its unlocked, thank god. i go inside and fall onto the bed, my chest instantly getting wrecked. i start sobbing horrifically, unable to believe how awful i feel right now.

whats wrong with me. what is legitimately wrong with me. why was he so cold? am i not pretty enough for him or something? this cant just be about the business. i refuse to believe it. and even if it is, why do i feel so worthless?

everytime jongho has rejected me and made me feel like nothing but a stupid slut flashes infront of me. the feeling stabs me like a knife.

that must be it. thats probably what he sees me as. a stupid, desperate evil slut. all i do is throw myself at him. even at that party, i couldnt wait to be all over him. im pathetic. and desperate. i should just die.

my gloves are soaked. i cant believe how much im crying. maybe i should go back to therapy. maybe i wasnt coping as well as i thought i was.

i look up into the mirror stand, seeing my make up absolutely ruined. my entire face is red, and my hair is sticking to my soaked cheeks. i look like shit.

suddenly i remember why i stayed away from men in the first place. because im too fucking sensitive. my mood depends on them. my self worth is a reflection of how much they like me. they control whether i feel emotional highs and emotional lows.

i start laughing at myself. i cant believe i got myself into this kind of fuckery again.

the door opens suddenly, making me jolt. santo comes in and closes the door behind him, smiling tightly. i jerk up and start stumbling back, backing myself into a wall to be far away from him.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"i saw you dancing with that...child," he slowly laughs, his tone sounding bitter. "you have no business being with someone like him, tesoro."

"santo-"

"do you know how fucking sick i felt?" he snaps, stalking like a dangerous animal. "seeing you with him? while you wear the dress i picked out for you?"

being alone was a mistake. i try to dart for the door but he grabs me and picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand. he throws me onto the bed, forcing his bodyweight on top of me. im frozen, i cant move. every karate class ive taken, all my knowledge on hurting someone just vanishes. hes on top of me and i cant move.

im sobbing again. he presses his finger to my lip, hushing me.

"i should be the only one who takes this dress off you tonight," he whispers. he starts lowering the top, leaving the top of my chest exposed. "dont cry, tesoro, you'll feel so much better after. ive been waiting for this for so long..."

"no please, santo," i beg through my tears. "please just leave me alone. please just-"

theres a few knocks on the door. "yaera, is that you? can i come in?"

that's san's voice. santo clamps his palm over my lips again and i scream.through them. its muffled. i start struggling and kicking but he wont get off me. he forces his hand harder. "fucking stop," he growls at me.

the door swings open anyway. san barges in and santo quickly jumps off me, suddenly on the other side of the room. san looks between us, frozen in his feet.

"what, did anyone say you could fucking come in?" santo screams. san stays staring between us, his face absolutely blank. santo scoffs and adjusts his suit jacket before storming out and slamming the door.

i sit up on the bed, looking at san through blurry eyes. i cant even find my voice. i cant even deal with what just happened.

"did he try..." san trails off, shaking his head at me. he rushes to sit down next to me. i cant help it, as soon as he wraps his arms around me i start bawling again.

"i cant fucking breathe. san please i just want to get away from here. please can we just leave."

he softly rubs the side of my head as he holds my face in his chest. "lets go. we'll go away from here. far away from.here. anywhere."

***

san

i dont even know where to start.

yaera and i ordered an uber from the hotel, disappearing with the permission of her father, saying she felt sick and she needed to go home. they werent happy but yaera's distraught face convinced them. they have no idea what the fuck happened tonight. they were sitting with that same guy that night.

hell, i dont even know what happened. but i could put two and two together.

yaera and i havent said a word to each other. shes passed out on my chest all the way to my apartment. i have to carry her on the way in. i have to put her down on her feet when its time to go into my apartment, and she hangs on my arm the entire time.

"you sure you fine with this?" i ask her. she nods wordlessly.

i let her inside, and she makes her way to my bed where she falls hopelessly. i go and sit down beside her, not knowing what to say. i dont know any words that can fix what happened tonight.

i know so much about her, but tonight...it made me realize i know nothing.

"this isnt the first time it happened," she says, her voice low and defeated. "the first time he did it...i was fifteen. he touched the inside of my thigh in a dressing room and kept trying it till i never went back. i never told my parents...or my sister."

i dont say anything. i let her speak.

"he told me he would never let me go. that he was in love with me. he tried so many times. at my own house. and everytime i would end up in the hospital...my parents would blame me. they would say that i was acting out. i didnt know how to tell them. they treated santo better me and my sister. hes a saint to them."

i feel my head heating up. a rich prick predator piece of shit. he deserves to disappear. he deserves to fucking rot.

i bet miss A could make a bastard like him disappear really quickly.

i take her hand and gently rub my thumb over her knuckles. i feel terrible. the only reason he was able to follow her was because of me.

"so thats why you asked me to not leave your side," i realized. "so you wouldnt be alone with him."

"he gets jealous of every man who comes near me," yaera's tears leak onto my pillow. "i thought if he saw you...he would really leave me alone this time. but it just...it made him more aggressive. he tried to..."

i pull her up and bring her into another hug, gripping her tightly. it felt like if i let her go that i'd never hold her again. that feeling terrifies me. i hate it so much.

"i'll never let him hurt you again," i swear. "i'll fucking kill him. just say the word and i will."

"i want him off my skin, san," she tells me pleadingly. "i dont want to feel him ever again. i want to scratch my skin off and be clean. i want to feel clean again."

"you arent dirty, yaera. hes the fucking filthy one for putting his hands on you," i hold her face in my hands. shes delicate, like porcelain. her eyes, that are usually so menacing and careless are filled with sadness. "youre perfect. you dont deserve that, dont for a second blame yourself. you're perfect, do you hear me?"

"if im so perfect then why dont you want me?" she whimpers. my blood runs cold. fuck how can she hit me with such a heavy loaded question.

theres no point in lying anymore. this is the last situation where i can lie.

"im scared," i admit. "im scared of you. and this. and everything. ive never had something like this, ive never had someone this close to me. i dont know how to handle it. ive been alone for so long i dont know how to let anyone be near me. i never let myself have anything. i always let go."

"please let me be there," she whispers in a tone i cant refuse. "please dont let me go. let yourself have this. let yourself have me."

my chest hurts. this night isnt going at all how i thought it would. its too much. i dont know what to say to yaera. i find my eyes feeling heavy. she takes my face in her hands again and i know she wants to kiss me. fuck it, this is the worst time. but at this point, there isnt ever a right time.

i go in for it and kiss her first. her lips are soft and velvety, and she melts against mine instantly. we start to lose our softness, with yaera pulling me closer and closer. its like she wants to take all the oxygen out of me. her kiss is hard, like a cry for help, like im all the air she'll ever need.

she breaks the kiss and drags her lips down my neck, making me shudder. yaera makes her way onto my lap and i dont fight it, her legs wrapping around me tightly as her dress rides up her thighs.

the kisses turn hot and i feel my brain losing sense. this wont end here, i know it. i want to stop it. i drag my willpower from the floor to break our kiss and she stares at me, frowning with swollen lips.

"is this really a good time?" i ask seriously. "you're really emotionally vulnerable right now. after what happened tonight, do you really think-"

"san," she interrupts me, pressing another kiss to my lips. "my life has been one big emotional fucked up moment, i want to forget. i want to have this, im so fucking dead inside. i want to feel alive again."

she stops showering me with warm pecks and looks me dead in the eye. "will you give me that?"

i hold her face again. my chest feels warm thinking about how no one sees her like this. her pain. but she trusts me enough. she lets me see it.

"i'll give you whatever you want tonight. i promise."

those words were all she needed. yaera slides her hands over my chest, pushing the suit jacket off. her hands move fast, flicking open every button till my chest is bare.

she presses her lips to mine again, her fingers tugging at my hair. i moan at the pull, surprising myself and her. she breaks the kiss and smiles down at me.

"i could get used to that sound," she teases. something stirs in me. she's so hot.

i move my hands to the back of her dress, finding the zipper. i dont break eye contact, and her smile only grows as the dress starts falling apart on her.

i slowly drag my lips down her neck, and she lets out a shiver. i fight my smile and continue to leave hot, soft kisses down her shoulder, moving down to her barely hidden cleavage. yaera harshly pulls the dress down, having rolls of money fall out and exposing her chest.

***

yaera

san stares at me after my boobs stare at him. there's a dazed look in his eyes that disappears once he lowers his mouth onto my one boob and grabs a hand full of the other.

i throw my head back, lost in a cloud after feeling his warm mouth. he starts sucking and massaging, rolling circles over my nipple. this is heaven. or something close to it definetely.

i feel my thighs tightening, warmth seeping down from my lower stomach. i try to stifle my moans, my mouth just barely gasping. he looks up at me, pausing on his motion. "you dont have to hold back. i told you i'll give you anything you want tonight," he whispers.

i hold his face with both my hands, feeling like i could cum from just staring into his eyes. "i only want you," i admit direly. i'll take anything he gives me. "but rubbing on you would be nice too."

he leans back, making me yearn. "okay, open wider."

hearing those words just makes me hotter. i get up from his lap and completely remove my dress, both of us just ignoring all the money on the floor. san's eyes hang on my every movement. im in nothing but black lace, and i dont waste time in throwing myself on his lap again, legs parted and ready.

he brings his lips to mine again, both softly and yet completely taking them as his own. his hand slips between my thighs, slowly trailing up like hes carressing fragile ceramics. i shiver as he gets closer to me, his hand finally slipping onto the base of me. he drags his thumb down my clothed folds, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

i try to focus on kissing him, dragging my teeth down to his neck. i lose myself when he starts rubbing me with both fingers, feeling that jolt of warmth coursing through me.

my mouth is parted as my face is buried in his neck, pathetic whimpers pumping out of me. san starts going in circles, right in the perfect spot. i do myself the favour and move the fabric to the side, his warm fingers completely melting inside me as he pumps them in and out.

i know im doomed when i hear myself squelching. his rhythm is perfect, not too slow and not too fast, just enough for me to completely feel him and fade cloudily. i feel my high coming, my thighs starting to tense and my grip on him tightening. i start to kiss him frantically, till san keeps pushing his fingers faster. i feel like a hot coil, going and going till before i know it, im dripping all over his fingers.

i collapse onto his lap and he slowly drags them out, and i hear him prop them into mouth. i look at him with an accomplished smile on my face, shaking my head.

"you sick fuck, did you just taste me?"

san shrugs with a small smile on his face. "yeah, can you blame me?"

i cant contain myself, i kiss him again. i dont even feel close to done. "let me do something for you now?" i say against his lips.

"mmm mmm," san shakes his head, gently gripping my waist. "i just want you to feel good. do you?"

i nod. "i feel better than ever. but really, you dont want anything?"

he lets out a heavy sigh. "i didnt want to tell you this, but you feeling things makes me...feel things."

oh he just became ten times hotter.

i realize it now, while sitting so close to him, i can feel his massive boner poking me through his pants. i smirk to myself, getting an idea.

"oh no, you have that look on your face again," san mutters, moving my hair back. "what are you thinking?"

"readjust your friend. so i can sit on him."

san goes quiet, but i can feel him pulsing underneath me. its sensation is sending me into fucking heat all over again.

"i dont think we should go too far," he says. "dont get me wrong, i want to. i really do. but i dont think you're feeling hundred percent...after everything."

my smirk drops. i dont want to think of him. not right now. not while i have san's hands all over me. but i guess its not a good look if i do just jump his bones after everything that happened.

he holds my face in his hands and squeezes after i say nothing. "and dont think its because you're not pretty or anything. seriously, i dont know why you would even say that."

i shrug. my black and white state of thinking has never really helped me.

san picks up a pillow up and tosses it against the wall. "come on, lets fall asleep. we can talk again in the morning."

"okay," i mutter. i dont know what else to say. i get off him and and crawl into his bed. san follows after, his hot skin completely blanketing me as he puts his arm over my body and draws me against him.

"are you gonna act like nothing happened tomorrow again?" i ask.

silence.

"no. stop worrying."

his curt words dont register in my brain, because he places a warm kiss on my shoulder. it doesnt take me long to completely drift to sleep.

***

wooyoung

wooyoung knows he fucked up. he knows its all fucked up, he just doesnt know when he's going to tell san about it.

miss A is looking at him with cold eyes, he cant even utter a word because of the fear inside him. seonghwa is sprawled out on a broken couch, horrific burns all over him. hes barely alive, but he had it in him enough to tell everyone about what went down at the warehouse.

"changbin is dead, you know this right?" miss A tells him.

"yes, ma'am," he utters pathetically.

"so you know what you and lucky have to do."

he knows he cant stay a bitch in this gang for long. he knows its going to get real. petty stuff is all wooyoung is used to. extortion, scamming people. when he watched yunho die, a fear he thought was so far away just flashed infront of his eyes. he knew he'd come to be on the other end someday.

"you find that man...and you bring me his hand. or else, i'll have yours."

***

A/N: pls this chapter was a mess im sorry and it took forever to write , the next will be better 😭😭😭😭

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