#he is wishfully thinking and speculating

[msnihilist]

Idea for a fic I just had, sharing it because I will probably never write it:

CH.1

During "Lost in Fairy World," Hazel and Dev stumble upon Timmy's old Chosen One statue, of himself holding the White Wand. Hazel is intrigued to see a statue of a human in Fairy World, and wonders if he was a godchild, like them. Dev doesn't really care, and is exceedingly jealous of whatever this human did to get himself memorialized this way.

When Cosmo, Wanda, and Peri catch up with the kids, Hazel asks about the statue. (She's already got her own amazing story written in her head, lol.) Dev says something to the effect of, "What did this loser do to get a statue of himself?"

Peri immediately takes offense to that, snapping that Dev isn't allowed to call him a loser. "Well, why not? What's so great about him?" "He's my brother."

Wanda and Cosmo are very uncomfortable with this conversation and visibly saddened. But they tell an abridged version of the story since the kids are curious and Peri didn't really remember it all, since he was a baby at the time.

Through the story, Wanda and Cosmo get caught up reminiscing, getting stuck on the funny little details and wishfully recounting their misadventures with Timmy. It's clear that they love him very much. (Hazel isn't jealous. She isn't.)

Hazel asks where Timmy is now and doesn't get an answer. After the five of them get back to Earth, Cosmo and Wanda retire early for the night and Peri is quiet with Dev, too.

CH.2

Dev thinks that they should track this "Timmy Turner" down. (He wants to prove that he's better than this guy, but doesn't want to admit to himself why he wants Peri's love/attention like that.) Hazel thinks they should leave well-enough alone, because talking about Timmy made their fairies so sad. (Sad like how she gets sad about Antony, but at least she can call her brother. None of the fairies spoke about Timmy in the present tense.)

Dev convinces her by saying that it'll make them happy if they can reunite the fairies with Timmy. Hazel reluctantly agrees.

It's pretty easy to track Timmy down. Turns out that he lives in the city, and his buckteeth are the same as they are on the statue. Dev and Hazel immediately clock him. They come up with an excuse to talk to Timmy by stealing his wallet and then "kindly" returning it to him. After which, Hazel insistently talks about anything and everything to Timmy, because what's he gonna do? Tell two kids to fuck off?? No, he's a polite adult and he endures this weird interaction.

Except Hazel and Dev then keep following Timmy around, learning his schedule so they can keep talking to him. Hazel needles little details about Timmy's life out of him, and realizes that he's lonely and clearly missing something. This makes her determined to reunite him with Cosmo and Wanda (even though a part of her desperately doesn't want to share). Dev is still convinced that Timmy is a loser. He speculates that there's no way this guy saved the planet, and Cosmo and Wanda were probably just talking him up.

Either way, Hazel slowly forces Timmy to be friends with her. He is an adult, so he's slow to admit that he's lonely enough to be friends with a ten-year-old, but Hazel reminds him of a kind girl he used to be friends with as a kid wears him down and he grows to tolerate and then even enjoy running into her around the city.

CH.3

Hazel eventually arranges for Timmy to meet her at the fountain, and also asks Cosmo and Wanda to be there in their human forms. She's super excited for them to finally meet again!! (Dev doesn't tell Peri about this — he doesn't want to admit that he's worried it will go too well if they do meet up again.)

Except that when Timmy arrives, Cosmo and Wanda aren't happy to see him. They look completely devastated. Timmy greets Hazel and awkwardly introduces himself to Cosmo and Wanda. Cosmo bursts into tears and flees. Wanda sticks around long enough to mumble an excuse and then also leaves. Timmy is confused, and Hazel doesn't know what she did wrong.

When she finds Cosmo and Wanda, they confess that they have been keeping an eye on Timmy. How could they not, you know? But it hurt too much to see him living his own life, doing fine without them. They started godparenting Hazel in part to have a distraction, so that they aren't thinking about Timmy and aren't watching him. Seeing him in person brought those ten-thousand years of hurt to the surface.

They also explain to Hazel that Timmy doesn't remember them at all, and that's the worst part — that all of the love they had for each other ended up meaning nothing at all, that they got too close to a godkid and paid the price and there's nothing they can do about it.

Hazel is crushed, but also not giving up. She tells them that Timmy does need them, he's an adult but his life is still empty. No one ever really stops needing their parents.

Wanda, tearfully, says, "But we're not his parents." That's the reality of their situation, and they have to face it no matter how much it hurts.

CH.4

Her plan a bust, Hazel leaves Wanda and Cosmo alone and goes to talk to Dev about what happened. She wonders how awful Peri must feel, sympathizing that she wouldn't know what to do with herself if she just woke up one day and Antony didn't remember her.

Dev (who is getting really fed up with hearing about Timmy) can't and refuses to empathize. He says that he's always been fine as an only child, and if he's supposed to be a "distraction" for Peri, then the least he could do is act like Dev is a priority instead of moping about someone who doesn't even care about him all day.

Hazel asks where all of this is coming from, Dev sneers that Peri hasn't been the same since they visited the statue. Peri doesn't talk about it, but it's clearly about Timmy. Hazel tells him that Peri is obviously hurting, and Dev snaps that he's hurting, too, and Peri should be doing his job. (Why do people only care about him when its their job?)

Hazel simply asks Dev why he's hurting, and Dev freezes. He doesn't really know how to articulate all of his upset and anger, and that forces him to pause and quiet himself. He then admits to Hazel that everyone is so obsessed with Timmy, even she's been hanging out with that loser more than him. And Dev just. Misses them. Wants attention. He wonders if anyone will care about him if he were to disappear, the way that the fairies care about Timmy.

Hazel assures him that she would care. She'd cry over him for 10,000 years at least! Which makes Dev giggle, even though he's still trying to be upset. Still, Hazel apologizes. She was trying to make everyone happy, and she didn't realize that she was failing him. Dev brushes her apology off, saying, "It's not your job to make me happy — it's Peri's. He's just been slacking."

Hazel also admits that she's jealous of Timmy, too. She feels bad for being jealous, but that doesn't mean that she's not. She knows that Cosmo and Wanda love her, but she also knows that she'll never replace Timmy for them.

The fairies finally reveal that they were listening the whole time. (After they left, Cosmo and Wanda went to Peri to tell him about what Hazel and Dev were doing behind their backs. Peri is at first upset that Dev kept Timmy a secret from him, but also acknowledges that he isn't really surprised. Dev is a complicated, hurt kid, and he needs more than what Peri has been giving him, especially lately.)

Cosmo assures Hazel that she can't replace Timmy, but no one could replace her, either. She's wonderful all on her own, and Cosmo and Wanda adore her — they wouldn't want her any other way.

Peri apologizes to Dev for not doing his job. Dev awkwardly accepts, then tells Peri that his job is to grant wishes, not "care" about Dev. Peri teases him by saying, "If that was my job, I would be working over-time." He says that Dev isn't a "distraction," at all, and that if Peri didn't want to be with him, he could leave at any time. Reaffirming that he's here because he wants to be spurs Dev into hugging Peri, albeit only briefly.

With all of the apologies and hugs out of the way, Dev asks to see Da Rules. He flips to the section about losing your fairies and says, "It says here that a godchild must lose memories of their fairies and all things magic... But it doesn't say that another godchild couldn't wish those memories back."

The fic ends with Timmy at the fountain again. Hazel approaches with Dev, and the fairies in their human forms. She asks Timmy if he remembers the three of them. Timmy confesses that he doesn't. Hazel grins: "I wish that you did."

Fin

[hippieuncle]

Kathy's making good points it's just they're halfway the lecture, 3 hours in and haven't had a coffee break yet

Little side gig RVB oc thingy I'm playing with......

A small group assembles after finding a washed up Freelancer, going under the title of Free Bird Innovations.

Neuroscientist and Hardware Designer -

Theophilus Papadopoulos, a man with a big head, thinks he can do it better than everyone else when it comes to cyber implants and AI projects by so so gracefully copying superior ex-projects and hounding down remains of information. Despite his hush hush and snubbing attitude, he is pretty happy with his crew, and treats them fairly. (Kentucky is an Exception)

Cybernetics and Programming -

Kathy Beaumont, a driven lady who is simply thrilled to be on a small but ambitious project. Her enthusiasm comes out in excessive ramblings and boisterous team-work mindset. If she isn't feverishly typing away code hunched over her PC, it's highly likely she's browsing Ebay for weird knicknacks and doodads

Health Care Psychologist, Neurosurgeon - Luella DuPlessis, sweet woman who'se gracefully nearing her retirement and wishfully living towards those days whilst she not only supervises and nurses Kentucky, she also provides meals from her self-written cookbook. A compassionate, rational, and resillient woman forged into the wise individual she is today. Despite never having been a mother, she's often called that in jest by the team.

Secretary and Assistant -

[Not pictured.] Assistant Reeves is a well educated young man, the others speculate he is distantly related to Theophilus; with little proof to back it up it remains a rumor. He handles everything from communication, diplomacy and interviews.

(Ex)Freelancer - Agent Kentucky

After having gone MIA due to the directions Project Freelancer had taken, Kentucky was retrieved by the current crew and medically supervised. There is technically nothing wrong with Kentucky, but due to his gullible nature, the crew has pulled the wool over his eyes and utilizes his easy personality to graditually get more information; and more importantly, have a willing guineapig for when the time's right for implants. He's a sweet country boy.

[shit-talk-turner]

I saw someone on twitter said that their local radio station said arctic monkeys are in the process of making a new album, don’t know if it’s true.

// I was in the car listening to radio X earlier and the host was rambling on about how the gaps between monkeys albums have usually been pretty short (minus 2013-18) so he ASSUMES they’ll make one soon and “who knows? Maybe they are right now!”. Maybe that’s what that person heard too and they just took from it what they wanted? The guy was merely speculating wishfully though. If they were in the studio I feel like Louise would’ve posted from one by now like she did during the recording of the last album.

people really need help with their critical thinking/media literacy skills

[lesewut]

THE WORLD OF PARMENIDES – ESSAYS ON THE PRESOCRATIC ENLIGHTMENT by Karl Popper

On the traces of our thinking - Part One

„Bright in the night, with an alien light, Round the Earth she is drifting. Always she wishfully looks Out for the rays of the Sun.”

Philosopher of Science Sir Karl Raimond Popper admired the Presocratic philosophy throughout his lifetime. Popper considers the Presocratic speculations and cosmogony as the beginning of our history of science, especially with regards to epistemology and theoretical physics. It is believed that speculative philosophy began with the Ionians, including Thales of Miletus and his disciple Anaximander. They developed the method of critical approach or critical tradition: To approach an explanatory myth (critical revision of mythical poems such as Homer or Hesiod’s "Theogony") with critical eyes. Even today, the verification of a theory for its truthfulness is a special feature of science. However, one should not underestimate the importance of incorrect theories, which were able to justify the problem and refine the explanation in the first place through falsification, since they can lead to a finer awareness of the problem again through the refutation. With this following book, Popper wants to contribute to a better understanding of the Presocratic. In addition, he wants to illustrate with his explanations the thesis that "history is- or should always be, the history that serves to solve the problem (...)." Popper discusses the basic ideas of the early Greek philosophers and shows the development of a critical methodology with the legacy of the search for truth, illustrated in particular by the didactic poem by Parmenides and the parable of the two paths.

The importance of Presocratic ideas in today's science is found in the reconciliation and unification of contradictory assumptions: Nothing changes (Parmenides) and everything changes (Heraclitus). But how is change possible in the first place and how do we come to knowledge? It is a remarkable intellectual achievement to define different forms of knowledge and to distinguish intellectual thinking from knowledge in general. The revelation of the goddess (Ananke? Dike?) is a journey to the real and deceptive world. An experience of rapture must have distorted Parmenides' reality of life in such a way that he depicted this lightning-like illumination in this dualistic conception. The goddess, who describes the human world as false and deceptive, wants to reveal to Parmenides the secret truth about nature and reality, but also the false opinions of mortal men. As mentioned above, the dualistic concept can also be found in the textual form: The poem is divided into two parts and begins with an introduction (Proömium). The first path is described as the Path of Truth (or the Path of True Knowledge) and the second path as the Path of Human Conjecture (Path of Conjectural Knowledge). The second part has survived only in fragments, the incompleteness is illuminated by Plutarch's reports, whereas the first part caused a sensation and was often quoted and copied. In the first part, "The Path of Truth", the Goddess presents a radically rationalist and anti-sensualist epistemology and then leads to a purely logical proof, culminating in the thesis that there can be no movement and that the world is in truth made up of a motionless, gigantic, homogeneous and massive spherical block where nothing can happen:  Neither past nor future. This world stands in sharp contrast to the world of apparitions in part two, The Path of Human Conjecture. This is the world as ordinary mortals experience it, the rich and varied world of movement, change, development, the colourful world of opposites, the world that distinguished night and light. Dualistic-World-Concepts arise from the preoccupation with the question of the first substance, or in this particular case, one assumes a twofold building material (e.g. spirit > < body ; subject > < object).

“Listen! And carry away my message when you have grasped it! Note the only two ways of inquiry that can be thought of: One is the way that it is; and that non-being cannot be being. That is the path of Persuasion, Truth’s handmaid; now the other! The path is that it is not; and that it may not be being. That path- take it from me! – is a path that just cannot be thought of. For you can’t know what is not: It can’t be done; nor can you say it.”

[Character limit :/ ...text continues in the second part]

[quranliveblog]

al-baqarah ayat 1-100

themes:

the quran is a guide (2). being guided by allah means being successful (5). the quran is also good news (97).

belief in the unseen (3).

some things were revealed before the quran (4, 87).

"As for those who persist in disbelief, it is the same whether you warn them or not" (6). "Even then your hearts became hardened like a rock or even harder" (74).

"yet they only deceive themselves, but they fail to perceive it. There is sickness in their hearts" (9-10, see 12, 13). these agree w whoever they're with (14), and are "wandering blindly" (15).

it seems allah closes himself off to disbelievers (7, 17), but they have willfully put themselves in that position (18). those he leaves to stray were already "rebellious" (26, 99). they are the ones who make allah an enemy to them (98).

allah created the earth, sky, rain, fruit, and life for us (22, 28-29).

exclusive devotion to allah (22).

doing good (25).

a future paradise, w Gardens, better fruit, purity, and eternal life (25).

all return to allah after death (28, 46).

allah is omniscient (29, 32). he knows "what you reveal and what you conceal" (33, 77).

"humans have free choice" (30, fn).

humans can be more "honorable and knowledgeable" than angels (30-31, fns).

allah created adam. unlike in the bible, he told him the names of all things (31). wife mentioned in ayah 35.

forbidden fruit (35). adam and eve are deceived (36), and then forgiven (37).

allah's revelations confirm the scriptures (41, fn1). they are about the same god and they tell the same message.

trading allah's revelations for a "fleeting gain" (41, fn2).

do not omit truth, or mix truth with lies (42). pray, pay alms (43), practice what you preach (44), be patient (45; "it is a burden except for the humble").

god has a chosen people (47, fn).

"The evildoers ˹certainly˺ did not wrong Us, but wronged themselves" (57). similar to ayat 9-10.

story of the cow in ayat 67-74. maybe the israelites' needlessly disputing which cow is supposed to echo their disputing who the killer was (72).

corruption of allah's word is intentional and is done in spite of understanding (75-76). similar to when israelites wanted another prophet, "recognized" the quaran and that it "confirm[ed] the Scripture," but rejected it (89).

"Do you believe in some of the Scripture and reject the rest?" (85).

"These are the ones who trade the Hereafter for the life of this world" (86).

some faith > enough knowledge (88).

israelites say prophecy is wrong, but never fully turn away because they are "clinging to life" (96).

questions:

what is the "tremendous punishment" and "painful punishment" (7, 10)?

i have a hard time understanding ayat 19 and 20. what do these things symbolize?

what is the "Fire fueled with people and stones" (24, see 39)? it's eternal, as is paradise (81-82).

what does the command to "Descend" in ayah 38 mean? and who is it addressed to?

i want to know more about the "alms-tax" (43, fn).

who wishfully speculates in ayah 78?

i don't understand ayah 80.

why levy all these threats against those who don't accept the quran? good point that this is the same thing israel did to moses and others. they suffer for picking and choosing.

what is the mountain raised above them (63, 93)?

notes:

first "Alif-Lãm-Mĩm." apparently jury's out w this. could be only allah knows their meaning, they're one of his names, or they have numerological significance.

seems to be in the voice of Allah ("We" in ayah 3). addressed to Muhammad (4).

"donate from what We have provided for them" reminds me of a similar biblical principle, i'm not sure which. just mentioned it to friends last night.

according to the fn to ayah 11, the issue wasn't that pagans were pagans, it was that they were "hostile to Muslims."

the quran is a testament to its authorship. ayat 23 and 24 say you're free to try to produce something like it under whatever inspiration you think is true, but you'll never be able to.

purity is described not as chastity or anything, but as having no physical or spiritual impurities (25, fn).

allah's use of parables as a test (26). also, commands as a test (34). egypt was a test for the children of israel (49).

there are seven heavens (29).

allah created not only angels and man, but also jinn. satan was one of these (at that time his name was iblis). like humans and unlike angels, jinn have free will (34, fn2).

satan was condemned because he "believed he was superior to adam" (34, fn3). this is largely different from the bible, where satan was condemned because he believed he was superior to god. also, in the bible, satan was an angel. there isn't a biblical parallel to jinn.

"Both Adam and Eve were deceived, both sinned, and both were later forgiven. There is no concept of original sin in Islam" (36, fn1).

parallel to biblical emnity (36, fn2).

israel/jacob and covenant mention (40 & fn, 47, 83).

i personally like the way ayah 48 is put: "the Day on which no soul will be of help to another."

recap of biblical events in ayat 49-61, plus quails w the manna.

jesus mention, but he's a prophet (87). the holy spirit is gabriel, and he "communicate[s] allah's messages to prophets" (fn).

[raintranslated]

....... woof, those translations and especially the translation *notes* on Kallen's message are uh. Something else, heh. I'll do all of these eventually, but for the record, here's the most egregious text (although pff, "personal devotion only for you" indeed, there's no "only" anywhere in that sentence, it's just "before I knew it, I was harboring a more personal loyalty to you", in contrast with the general hatred of and interest in fighting Britannian despotism that she'd expected to be the basis of their relationship):

ねえ、ルルーシュ。

あの別れのキスのとき、

嘘でもいいから「愛してる」って言ってくれたら、

私はあなたの地獄についていったのにね。

わかってたでしょう？

First things first:

ねえ、ルルーシュ。あの別れのキスのとき != "Lelouch, that parting kiss..."

It's much more like: Hey, Lelouch. Remember that last moment we had together, with that kiss?

(It wasn't a goodbye kiss, both because that's not what Kallen meant to say with it (per Word of God, anyway) and because Lelouch didn't kiss back. But also the translation chops off all the surrounding words that make this line much more casual and much less leading or significant in its phrasing.)

嘘でもいいから「愛してる」って言ってくれたら、

私はあなたの地獄についていったのにね。

Well, if you'd said I love you to me [back then], it wouldn't have mattered if it was a lie — I still would have followed you all the way into your personal hell.

We westerners used to not understand the difference between these words at all, but more recently the problem has instead been making too much of of it. 愛してる versus 好き is like... yes, there is a difference, but you'd think the fact that our translator friend acknowledges that the only people to say those words in the show are Lelouch and Nunnally about each other would have at least given them pause before they went on to assert something as wild as "only two lovers ever use this word", or, as I've seen elsewhere, that Kallen wouldn't have imagined Lelouch saying 愛してる unless she was 100% confident that he really did have romantic feelings for her.

Just. What even, heh.

Anyway, the actual significance of this wording is that it would have been much more dramatic for Lelouch to have said, and if he had said something so romantic and dramatic to Kallen — well, as she says herself here, she would have been swept off her feet and she would have done anything for him, even though at this moment she thought his "mad tyrant" image was completely real.

This is Kallen talking about how lost she was in that moment, how she would have completely abandoned her own morals and joined what she thought was an evil crusade, if Lelouch had claimed to love her.

And, she says, it wouldn't have even mattered if he'd lied.

This really isn't about the depth of Kallen's love for Lelouch.

For one thing, if it had been, and our translator friend was right about the intense meaning of 愛してる......... wouldn't Kallen have used some form of that same verb at the end of the message, where she describes her own feelings? 🤔

わかってたでしょう？

You already knew that, didn't you?

This last translation is fine, but boy do I take issue with the enormous footnote of additional speculation provided as if it were something objectively true about this wording, instead of wishfully reading entirely too much in to a single sentence.

More likely significance in the tense of わかる: Kallen is talking about something she only understands about herself now, and saying that Lelouch had understood it in the moment.

らしくなかったわね。 そんなこと言って、人を動かすの得意だったじゃない。 ほんと、らしくない優しさだわ。 私に生きろって言いたかったわけ？

That wasn't very characteristic of you, you know. Manipulating people by saying that sort of thing — was one of your strong points, wasn't it. Yeah, that was really uncharacteristically... gentle[1]. Is that what you were trying to say, when you told me to live on...?[2]

[1] The Japanese switches tenses here, from past to present tense, which is something Japanese writers do for emphasis and immediacy. Think of it as vaguely equivalent to starting an English sentence with "Suddenly...!"

[2] The Japanese here is very very clear, わけ isn't being used because Kallen is wondering why Lelouch told her to live on, because Lelouch didn't tell her any such thing: instead, it's being used in conjunction with 言いたかった because she is supposing that perhaps he wanted to say something like that. Perhaps that was what Lelouch was trying to tell her by rejecting her in that moment (with his silence). DON'T TRANSLATE TIRED, kids; this line isn't referring to what Lelouch's lack-of-a-response to the kiss meant, but to his earlier line, episodes before, when he told Kallen to live on the Ikaruga, and I haven't watched R2 recently enough. Anyway, revised: 言いたかった here is being used in the sense of something someone was trying to say (which is sometimes what 言いたい means).

そんな優しさのために、あなたを好きになったわけじゃなかったのにね。

Even though that sort of gentleness isn't at all why I fell for you[1], heh.

[1] 好きになった=to come to like, to learn to like, to fall in love with. Means both platonic and non-platonic feelings. I think Kallen means it romantically, but for the record this line is absolutely as easily about a crush as it is about something deeper.

There are plenty of ways to say "it wasn't just x but also y"; Kallen isn't using any of them. She is saying that this sort of uncharacteristic gentleness isn't one of the parts of Lelouch that attracted her to him... because of course it's not, she thinks it's uncharacteristic.

(Now, Shirley — when she described falling for Lelouch herself, she said it was exactly the mystery of his seemingly uncharacteristic moments of gentleness that drew her in, and Suzaku had a similar trajectory in their friendship as children and completely understood her feelings — but it would be weird for Kallen to spend so much time saying that this sort of gentleness isn't like Lelouch, only to follow it up by saying that's something she "loved" about him.)

Also I added that little ", heh" at the end because I didn't want to ignore how conversational this whole thing has been in tone. Like she's speaking causally, albeit in a heartfelt way, to a friend (or boyfriend, one supposes), rather than composing a dramatic final letter to anyone.

(I am not trying to rain on anyone's ship!! Kallen/Lelouch is a fine ship with a very cute dynamic and this is a sweet final message. But even though it's been a million years, the fandom deserves accurate translations, okay?)

ETA: Let me be clear, @codegeassfacts did nothing wrong here, I am extremely incredulous of Blottyparchment, whoever that was, because their translations reflect a fundamental lack of understanding about basic Japanese, like... grammar, and they present themselves as so knowledgeable in their notes. But there's nothing wrong with taking someone at their word about something you have every reason to think they're an expert on. Also, thank you, codegeassfacts, for archiving all this neat stuff, you have inspired me to do a lot more translating again instead of just translating chapters of the manga slowly, haha. 🙂

ETA 2: Okay, I did the full thing, available here.

Code Geass Complete Best Regret Message // Nunnally & Kallen // Canon

The Complete Best Regret messages, also known as character poems, are message left from various characters to Lelouch, after his death through Zero Requiem. Those are available within the Complete Best OST Which gathers some of the best OST of the show.

They offer us a nice last view of their thoughts and feelings directed to Lelouch, after his tragic end. Each of the letter are written and illustrated with a rough sketch of the character in their predominant color, and the first page of the booklet is a very nice sketch of Lelouch.

Each of the message have a title taken after a Code Geass opening or ending, Let's start with Nunnally.

Nunnally Lamperouge / vi Britannia - Mozaiku Kakera (Mosaic Shards) // Ending 2

I have been thinking about the many things that you have given me.

They can’t be counted on my fingers, for each and every one that I count, a stone is left. Lining them up, the stones can be pieced together into a mosaic. But, I will not do that. I don’t want to. (1) I will continue to count them piece by piece, always remembering their shape, their color and their touch. (2)

Even these dreams, that kindness, our rendezvous, those lies, mistakes…. Even that voice, the warmth in those hands that grasped mine, even the loneliness, the twistedness, the pain in my chest. Even that silence. Even those eyes.

Everything, I will hold dear.

Even if you had not given me many things, I could not give you anything in return. You gave me everything and you ended up leaving.

In those happy days, we did not even say “Thank you” nor “I’m sorry” between us. Those words would only invoke sadness. Your heart would grow far away. Just like that, you were myself, and I was you.

However, that day, the words you have told me still remains in my ears. You didn’t even let me reply. That’s why, while hearing your voice ringing in my ear, I will answer you from the bottom of my heart.

I love you too. (3)

(1) Lit.: I do not want to bring them (stones) together. (2) Lit.: One by one, I will continue to count them; their shape, color, and touch, I will continue to feel throughout. (1) Broken up into two sentences in the original Japanese: Aishiteru. Anata wo. (I love. You.) Translation by Blottyparchment.

Kallen Kozuki / Stadtfeld - Yuukyou Seishunka (Extolling the Brave Chivalry of Youth) // Ending 1

Until I met you, I was only merely plastered with thorns. I wanted to change this truth. I seethingly and recklessly acted. But then, I didn’t believe that anything would come out of it.

When my brother was gone, I heard the sound of the heavy doors closing behind me. I cannot allow it. I will fight to the bitter end. I decided that I would not go back. Then, someday, I would have died like my brother.

Until the very end, Kouzuki Kallen would not abide by authority. That bit of willpower I was carrying with me, it slipped away from me, and I can feel it faintly. At that moment, I envisioned you as the star at the break of dawn, inviting me.

If I would think that this is for you, my body would feel light. Whatever struggles there were, the pain would go away. I would be the first to come rushing to your battlefield, raging like a lioness, crushing your enemies. I would stand being muddied so that I could create a path for you.

Looking back, it’s mysterious. Even though I should have loathed and rebelled against Britannia’s tyranny. Without knowing it, I held personal devotion only for you.

Lelouch, that parting kiss, even if it was a lie, if you had said, “I love you,” (1)(2) I would even follow you to hell. You knew that, didn’t you?

It’s not like you. You’re good at manipulating people just by your words. Really, it’s not like you to be kind. Is that why you told me to 'live on’? I fell in love with you (3) not just because of that kindness.

(1) Kallen uses the word 'aishiteru' here. It is a word that carries strong weight in Japanese and is not simply used to express love. You may say 'suki' and mean love, but 'aishiteru' is used between two intimate lovers, and within the show, only between Lelouch and Nunnally. (2) In japanese you emphasize on the end of a line; the "Even if it was a lie" is there to show how great her love for him was, the "wakatteta deshou" means Kallen was quite sure the "Aishiteru" would have come, had he not been kind with her. (3)The love here is 'suki ni naru' Translation by Blottyparchment & Lie

Hope you enjoyed.

[tetsuwan-atom]

ANONYMOUS sent in : Mikuru Asahina?

ROMANTIC CANDIDATES FOR BOWEN : Accepting!

"M...Mikuru... Asahina?!?"

Boy, that hit him for six. He was now feeling extremely flustered.. again, thanks to this particular scenario.

"Mikuru is... she's very sweet, I really like her energy and.. she's very beautiful. I always like seeing her face when I make it to the clubroom after school. I don't think I'm the only guy who thinks that but... y'know.. I always wanna see her smile and.. if she ever needs anything I'll always help!"

“As for... that, ah...” He has to pause for a moment, maybe he’s feeling a tad sad? “She’s from the future and I’m from another universe. I mean... I know my circumstances it.. doesn’t matter too much but, in her case it’s like, being from the future, it's... would being with her have an effect on that? I used to say that time travel is a dangerous game and.. it really is! Is anyone keeping watch on what she's doing? Do they even know how it's all going to play out? I can tell her all about me, I mean, if we end up close she can find out.. everything about me... but... I'll never have that with her. Y'know? I'll never know her world, her upbringing, the life she knew before coming here. And.. would it even really work? We both have 'assignments', being here, we're both here for Haruhi.. but what if that changes? If she goes home.. I can't follow her.. and if I go home.. well.. she can't follow me."

"..It might well be.. something short lived.."

"...But... would that put me off it completely? Haaaah... sometimes.. we go for the things in life that we know won't last. I dunno how she feels and.. really I'm not going to speculate but... if there was a chance.. if... fate were to bring that our way... I... I'd take it. Even if it were to end when the time comes, even if we are to... go.. our separate ways.. if that ever happens, I would still make the most of.. what we would have. To.. have that happiness... even for a moment... it's better than not having it at all... and who knows.. the end.. may not be forever."

“I think.. it would come down to that... happiness... being close.. just.. enjoying the moment, being ourselves. It's one of those things with.. so many unknowns.. so many things could go wrong but.. I'd be there for her. I'm there for everyone let's face it but... I'd be there... always.. be there for her... no matter what happens."

[ruthlesscalculuss]

THIS IS A LITTLE RANT ABOUT JC’S TRAUMA, not a discussion post. So…Jiang Cheng. He’s a complicated character with a complicated history. Being neglected by his father and being humiliated by his mother, never truly being good enough for the people he craved respect from the most. Always being second best to wwx.

Then of course we have his trauma, the murder of his family, friends and the citizens of lotus pier. We see him sacrifice himself for wwx, his hopes and his dream of rebuilding the Jiang sect being extinguished at the torture by hands of Wen Chao, his core being forcibly destroyed. We see him struggle and then we see him slowly, but surely lose his best friend/brother because of diverging moral views and a lack of power on both sides to get through it together.

Jiang Cheng cannot loose Lotus Pier again at the hands of the Jin’s and wwx knows this, thats the one thing he cannot sacrifice. That’s why they have a staged fight, to publicly announce wwx’s defection. This way the Jiang Sect won’t be harmed by wwx’s actions. Here it breaks jc’s heart, the only one he wanted by his side was wwx and he can’t understand why he would leave the jiangs to protect the wens, all he sees is his brothers arrogance and his betrayal. He does not know the full extent of the wens help, he does not know wwx is without a core.

Jc is a broken man, he has given his best efforts to not be jealous of wwx, to not let it show just how deep his low self esteem runs. He cannot let himself be weak like his mother said he was, like his father thought he was. I think many people, specifically jc antis, ignore this. He is a HUMAN. He is not a character that can be shoved into black and white, either or. We can be like him, he is the example of the scarring, a physical reminder of unhealthy coping mechanisms with trauma. Wwx of course shows his coping methods as well.

Him trying to make light of most things, his lack of cares for rules because “why does it matter if I follow them, I’ll get punished anyway”, we see this even more so after he’s thrown into the mass grave. After Jin Zixuan dies and Yanli dies, Jc is overcome with anger and grief. He blames wwx, “didn’t you say you could control it?!” and to a degree it is part of his fault. Although I don’t think he had a choice-

they needed to win a war with that demonic energy, nobody can deny that. Jc doesn’t know the sinister plans that are making wwx turn into a target for the world. Imagine it was you, could you say you would still be as kind, as forgiving? Sometimes the world can make you or break you, and I believe jc was the latter. He agrees to participate in the siege, he was one of the most important gears in the siege.

Why. Did he hate wwx? Did he want to appease the sect leaders to save the Jiang Clan? Did he feel like he should end his brother on his own terms? I’m honestly not sure. There’s much speculation, It’s my own personal beliefs it’s a combination of politics due to the jins and also an anger that’s been building in jc for a VERY long time. I know in CQL he does force him to let go of lwj, but in the book…I’m curious.

What if Jiang Cheng got to Wei Wuxian first before anyone else. What would he say, what could he say? What would wwx say to him? Sometimes I think it would end as jc stabbing wwx and truly killing him. Sometimes, I wishfully think he couldn’t do it. But that’s very much up to everyone’s interpretation of Jc. At the end of this, I think of jc going back home after the siege carrying chenqing with him until he could finally rest.

I think he would just stare at it, too tired too numb to really do anything else. I think he’d get passed out drunk trying to maybe somehow sleep, and I think he’d have nightmares. God, I don’t write but I’d write a fic for this. Anyways ya sorry guys just some thoughts

[cruelfeline]

In light of all that we’ve learned with this most wonderful final season, some people have asked me to reassess Hordak’s backstory monologue. To see how Hordak’s narrative fits with what we now know about his home. To try to discern exactly what its discrepancies are, and why.

I’m going to do that! But before I do, I would remind everyone: this is a little difficult to fully untangle because, given that Hordak is not a main character and thus does not have the focus that we’d like, we really don’t know a whole lot about the Horde in terms of function, social roles, and general history. So this is going to be very much limited by what I can glean from exactly what the show gives us.

That said, it’ll hopefully still be interesting. So!

During season three, after recovering from his syncopal episode, Hordak describes to Entrapta what he is, what he was, and how he came to be on Etheria. He describes himself as a defective clone who, once upon a time, was the top general in the galactic Horde. When his defect became too much of a burden, he was apparently demoted, sent to the front lines to fight until death, and arrived on Etheria by way of unexplained portal.

This is what Hordak tells us, and, as far as we know, he’s not lying. Hordak, as portrayed in the show, is a very honest person, both in his own actions and in the actions he expects of others. He greatly dislikes deception and does not appear skillfully capable of it himself (save for that one time). Knowing this, we generally have to assume that, in his own mind, what Hordak is saying is true.

So. What gives, right?

After all, once we see the galactic Horde in action, we learn that it is a played-straight, honest-to-the-gods cult. There’s nothing distinctly military about it. It’s not a bigger, grander version of Hordak’s Etherian Horde.

It is a cult with a god-brother-creator at the helm, commanding countless identical acolytes who live their lives in slavish devotion to their master. There do not appear to be any ranks. We hear nothing about any generals, let alone a “top general.” There doesn’t even appear to be a need for anything like that, because Prime doesn’t seem to really delegate to his brothers in a way that singles them out or relies on real autonomy from them.

He can, after all, read their minds at will and slip into their bodies whenever he fancies. If he needs to make a decision about a battle on a planet at the other edge of the galaxy, he can just take over a body on that planet and make said decision himself. Or, at the very least, enter the relevant clone’s mind and influence the decision as needed. He doesn’t need, and certainly doesn’t appear to tolerate, clones taking their own initiative.

So, again: what gives? What does Hordak mean by “top general”? Why does he think he has this elevated role when we can see that Prime considers all of his clones the equivalent of faceless bodies to be used a he likes?

Well, while we will likely never know the full truth, given the lack of Horde background detail, we can safely assume some things from what canon shows us.

Namely that, while all clones appear indistinguishable and do not seem to have named rank, there are definitely clone positions that work more closely with Prime than others. His attendants are one example. Those who are in his throne room feeding him information while he is working are another. (Hordak actually appears to be one of these, at least while Prime is trying to hack the Heart of Etheria, when Entrapta is captured.) And then, of course, there are the chosen vessels that will one day house Prime’s consciousness.

All of these positions can likely be occupied by any clone, with bodies switched out as needed (likely what happened when Hordak got sick). I doubt that individual clones have any sort of real rank. Prime knows this. Hordak and his brothers, I suspect, may not fully understand it. 

Rather, I would not be surprised if Hordak, deceived and indoctrinated into believing things about himself and about Prime that are not true, misinterprets the nature of his purpose and the truth of his relationship with his Brother. He believes that, fulfilling whatever role he was fulfilling for Prime, he was a general, an individual of note, an individual that Prime specially valued. Perhaps he fulfilled the role long enough that, in all but name, it became “his.” Perhaps he even fulfilled it well enough that Prime praised him frequently, cementing this unfortunate delusion. Perhaps Prime gave him legitimate favor -  a false thing, of course; simply a controlling tool, but Hordak did not realize that. 

Without canon confirmation, we can really only speculate, but these ideas seem reasonable.

Details aside, the point of the matter is that Hordak sees himself as “top general” because he sadly doesn’t understand that he is an interchangeable piece of a utilitarian machine. He truly thinks that he has this coveted position, that he is particularly useful, special, of great value. It’s a tragic misunderstanding that simply fuels his misguided devotion to Prime and prevents him from seeking freedom when he is given the opportunity. 

It’s something, I think, that people in very controlling religious organizations often end up thinking: that they are especially valued, worthy in some way that others are not. It’s part of how the organization controls them. 

By the by, there is also the theory that Hordak has suffered memory erasure before and is thus doubly confused, filling in blanks with fantasy, but given that we have no direct evidence of that, I’m not really going to go into it; it’s a popular bit of speculation, though.

Now, however, let us examine a different aspect of this. Labels aside, delusions aside, we are left with another conundrum: however Hordak interprets his position, it is very clear to us that said position does not actually offer the power or respect that a legitimate high military rank would offer. It does not appear to provide Hordak with any special treatment. 

Once upon a time, back when we first learned of Hordak’s backstory, it was somewhat assumed that the position would do something like this. Numerous fans speculated about how it might be a position that gave a clone dominion over others, or over their own personal ships or planets; some fans suggested that it might give a clone the right to a name. Now, of course, we know that none of these speculations are true: all of Prime’s clones are essentially interchangeable; all are part of a hive mind that eliminates the need for certain clones directing others; no clone is allowed a name, no matter what their current job might be.

So. What, exactly, is Hordak practically gaining here? Despite this position appearing to hold zero effective esteem, despite it necessitating Hordak giving up his self and his autonomy, it is abundantly clear that he desperately wants it back. Why? 

What about this position, whatever it may or may not be called, would provide Hordak with this sense of value, of specialness, of personal worth? After all, Hordak may be deluded, but he’s not stupid; even indoctrinated, he can tell that he doesn’t hold dominion over other clones, or have a right to his own name. He can tell that he doesn’t receive any functional privileges, that his own sense of value doesn’t translate into anything that you or I would think is “worth the price of admission,” so to speak. 

In light of that incredibly steep price, what does this position offer, in a world where military rank appears irrelevant? What does it offer, in exchange for Hordak’s name and his bodily autonomy and his freedom? In short, what does it offer that makes Hordak think it worth sacrificing so much for? 

Well. 

It offers closeness to Prime, doesn’t it? It offers the chance to work near him, to bask in his presence, to be spoken to and looked upon and touched by him. It offers the chance to receive his praise, personally. It offers the chance to perhaps -  hopefully, wishfully - receive his love.

Because that’s what Hordak really wants. Not dominion over others, or a fancy military title. He wants that emotional connection. He wants that approval and validation. He wants love. And for so much of the series, for so much of his life, he believes that love comes only from Prime. That working closely with him, being of use to him, will provide him with that sense of belonging and acceptance and affectionate care that he hungers for. That it will make him worthy and loved.

(There’s a line in the deleted Entrapdak scene, where Prime calls Hordak the “most unloved and unworthy” among his brothers that really cements the idea that worthiness is synonymous with love within the galactic Horde)

This is what marks the position as “special” in Hordak’s eyes: it is special because it stands the greatest chance of providing him with Prime’s love.

All of it is a lie, of course. Because Prime only “loves” his brothers as extensions of himself, and even then, only if they are physically useful to him. Once Hordak starts to lag behind due to his illness, he is quickly removed from Prime’s presence and sent to the front lines, destined to fight until defect or battle kills him. And yet it is a lie so powerful, and the clones’ need for Prime’s love so great, that he is able to use it to control them even when they are separated from him. To the point that a sickly clone trapped in a shadow dimension will forgo freedom in his desperate bid to feel wanted and treasured by his cruel god.

Eventually, thankfully, Hordak finds a true version of the connection he craves, someone who looks at him and acknowledges him, values him and loves him as he is, without him needing to prove himself useful. He finds Entrapta, and she provides that love that he sought from Prime.

This is why, even though Hordak actually ends up working in Prime’s throne room again, ends up close to him once more, he breaks free from control and kills his Brother. Throughout season five, Hordak remembers Entrapta. He remembers how she makes him feel. He remembers her love... and he realizes that it is not the same as Prime's. It is sincere. It is unconditional. It accepts him as his own flawed person, rather than the perfect drone Prime wants him to be. It is deeper and more true and more real than the hollow sham Prime offers.

And so Hordak rejects this once-coveted position, rejects Prime, and frees himself. He makes the choice between a false, controlling “love” and the real, heartfelt thing. He makes the choice, and he chooses Entrapta.

In the end, the greatest disconnect between what Hordak tells us in season three and what is true isn’t the word “general,” or even the cruel difference between how Prime views the clones, and how they view him. It is the impression of why Hordak wants such a position at all, of what it means to him. What initially comes off as a disgraced military man seeking to regain former glory is actually a lost, unloved soul desperately searching for the emotional connection he needs.

And, after many mistakes, after much hardship, he finally finds it.

[scnsuality]

Wyatt was young, and with that came all the perks and flaws of such youthfulness. Filled with boundless energy and optimism, he was able to appreciate something as simple as a delicious cupcake as if it was the first and last thing he'd ever eaten, letting the sugary treat fuel him like an aphrodisiac. And he was quite enthused about being invited to partake in this by Andrew. As much as a certain naivety could at times come with Wyatt's youthful nature, he was far from oblivious - maybe it was wishful thinking, but he was convinced he could tell that his own attraction to the baker was not one-sided. As much as he was trying to keep himself in check and not make the situation uncomfortable, he wasn't entirely ignorant to the older male's eyes on him, and it took all of Wyatt's willpower to not read too much into the circumstance of the two of them being here this late, alone, with what (in Wyatt's eyes) felt like undeniable chemistry between them.

Of course even with the subtle vibes he believed to be picking up on, the younger man couldn't be sure what was going through Andrew's mind - otherwise, he certainly would have encouraged the other to give in to self-indulgence once in a while. No, it very much wasn't a crime to allow oneself a treat, whether it was tasting some masterfully crafted confections or admiring and indulging in the beauty of one's company. And if Wyatt had known - rather than just wishfully speculated - that he himself was the treat Andrew had his eyes on, he certainly would've been more than happy to gratefully return the favor of letting the other have a taste.

"Mhhhh... Fair enough", he resigned after pouting for a second, laughing at his own display of gluttony. Of all the traits about Wyatt that gave away his age, his sweet tooth was certainly one of the most obviously youthful ones. Without a care in the world, he indulged in tasting the remains of the cupcake he'd sampled, initially not even fully realizing the effect he had on Andrew as he licked at his own fingers. It was only when the other came surprisingly close that the younger man's attention shifted fully back to the baker, the invasion of his personal space feeling unexpectedly intimate, but far from unwelcome. The last thing Wyatt had expected was to feel Andrew's touch on his face, his heart skipping a beat when the other wiped the icing off the corner of his lips. And then... "Do you want it?"

In that very moment, another side of Wyatt's nature broke through. He had done his best those past weeks to behave, to keep his flirtatious self to an appropriate level and not cross a boundary the confectionist may not be comfortable with. But the younger one's self-restraint had a limit, and this was far beyond that. "Y-Yes", he nodded with a smile, biting his lip before reaching out, gently holding on to Andrew's arm with one hand as he leaned in, lips parting and tongue darting out to carefully run up along the man's finger, humming quietly as he tasted the icing, licking up all the way to Andrew's fingertip before Wyatt's pink lips closed around the digit, tongue circling it as he licked and sucked the sugar off.

andrew watches him. simply watches as wyatt savors the sweet treat with all the beauty of a young man of his age, and he is fighting back the urge to smile goofily at it. not that there is anything wrong with wyatt, or the way he eats cupcakes. as he said, he was beautiful. so fucking beautiful, sitting there lit by the dim light of his bakeshop, and it finally sinks in how surreal this situation was for him.

sure, wyatt has come around many times before to the point that he's become a regular. and he has bonded with him enough to form a relationship beyond just another customer or another regular. but inviting him to something this private, this intimate for him? was a jump that he can't believe he was willing to take. and he can't believe the other would accept.

but another part of him, the one not bothered by the pestering thoughts of what outsiders would see looking in, was delighted by this. delighted by the other's youth, his beauty, and how that's not diminished by the way he was devouring his cupcakes. and if he decides to lean more into that side of himself, even just for tonight, would that be such a crime?

" well, then i guess i would have to take them back. i only invited you to a taste test, not a buffet. " andrew says, as he began working on cleaning up the counters and putting the donuts away for tomorrow. he did leave wyatt with a few that are only for him, as thank you for his input and the company. in his peripheral, he noted how the other licked off his glazed finger, transfixed for a moment, before deciding to join him again.

" you missed a spot. here, let me just-- " he says, reaching a finger to the icing left on the side of wyatt's mouth. the world seemed to stand still then ... on the moment his finger touched his face, wiping the icing, and finally letting it hover close-- dangerously close-- to the boy's mouth. " you're a very messy eater, young man. " he continues. and letting that side of his mind take the wheel, he then wiggles his icing covered finger. " do you want it? "

[hockeygossip101]

Imho there isn’t or shouldn’t be uncertainty about Anna and Mo. Anna has said in interviews that Mo is her boyfriend. I don’t understand why people are refusing to believe it, other than people are just wishfully thinking that they for whatever reason had a shot with Mo and don’t want to think he’s tied down. Hockey players don’t owe us explanations about their love lives or any kind of verbal confirmation to “prove” that they’re in a relationship; they’re entitled to their privacy. It’s fun to speculate and all but when Anna has literally confirmed they’re dating in German interviews and anons are on here like “well they haven’t said it in English sooo” (not saying that’s what anyone has said word for word but it’s how this comes off) it really just looks xenophobic wanting an English definite clarification from one of them because apparently the German one wasn’t good enough. I’m with you, I’m sold on the fact that they’re dating but I also think people need to stop creating these narratives on why they’re not. All it is is a desperate cling to hope that Mo is single so that one of us has a chance with him.

It happens every month at this point 💀 There's a lot of evidence that points to them dating and I do believe that they are dating. Even though that article was in German is was translated and I was told by a German speaker that the word is only used for a boyfriend so that also means something!

[rgr-pop]

since things are rolling again, I’m gonna list some kitchen “renovation” budgeting stuff like I promised I’d do ages ago. costs of making a nicer kitchen are behind this cut!!

here are the things we’ve spent money on to make our kitchen usable and liveable (and beautiful), not all of which were conceptualized as part of this “remodel,” which started in the summer of 2016. I have receipts for most things but truly am just going from memory so we’ll see.

we have never saved up for anything in a large sum, rather we bought big ticket items when a good sale coincided with a cushier month, so we have paid for things in chunks and then installed them as we’ve been able to. about half of the cabinets and the dishwasher came out of the extremely modest money my mother “left” for me (befriended a life insurance salesman who gave her a small policy that she should not have been permitted, lol.) hashtag money diaries lol

I also want to say that we’re not throwing out a ton, and almost everything we are getting rid of is basically extremely unfunctional/making my life a living hell. When it comes to appliances and stuff like that, I'm not willing to replace things that still work. I’m not trying to preach but I also absolutely do not want to contribute to a mood of wastefulness or aesthetic obsolescence. I live in an old house that was a rental for most of the twentieth century, this kitchen was on the very low end of “usable.” Most of the things that I am getting that I wanted versus needed were things that the kitchen didn’t already have. 

While nothing here is at all expensive for what it is, none of it is the cheapest, either. In almost every case, unless it’s an actual emergency, I’m not going to buy anything that’s not exactly what I want and need, which has meant mostly just waiting fucking years to find anything, lol. I can’t change!

cabinets:  I tore out the barely-functioning base cabinet we had in order to make room for a dishwasher, but kept the old steel sink base cabinet, and picked out ikea cabinets to “match” it. this has been an adventure, and like all old house shit, requires a ton of...innovation. it would have saved us a lot of grief to let it go but I couldn’t, and I will not apologize. we’re also getting rid of a wall cabinet that currently sits above the stove to hold the microwave and ninety years of grease, and moving the microwave to the pantry. we’re tearing down the wall cabinet above the counter, which is actually just shelving that had at some point been “enclosed” with “drawer fronts” (boards on hinges). 

in all, we replaced these things with a fifteen inch ikea base cabinet including four drawers, which has been installed, and a thirty inch wall cabinet with shelving and very few bells and whistles, which has not been installed. I think the base was around $200, but I believe I paid quite a bit more on top of that for soft close dampers, but I can’t figure out how much that was! included in that cost were the extendable, more expensive drawers, and mid-range drawer fronts, so you could definitely pay quite a bit less if you choose different options. I wouldn’t get the soft close drawers again but Lucas likes them so they’re fine, but I would definitely recommend the more expensive drawer option for stability and to maximize your space. As for the drawer fronts, I actually kiiind of wish I had gotten the more expensive high gloss white because I just really like them and the ones we got don’t match the steel cabinet as well as I was expecting, but I’m going to live with it for a while and see how I feel. The wall cabinet was around $150, including the panel that goes on the exposed edge of the thing. We also got a stainless steel toe kick, which I believe was $20 and was a big impulse because we could have made our own* I just wanted it and its convenience! I’ll throw that into an “extras” category that includes the suspension rod, drawer hardware template, hinges and shit that I can’t remember if it was included in the base cost, and we’ll call that another $100 to be safe.

*to accommodate the old steel cabinet and extra heavy countertop, there is a tiny bit of extra framing on the base cabinet that will need to be covered by another, parallel aluminum strip, which will cost us like... a small fraction of the cost of the toe kick.

I also have spent a good deal of money on organization pieces for those drawers, because I needed to maximize having only that fifteen inches for storage, and because we all know that’s where ikea excels anyway. This is very much nothing more than “live your best life” bullshit but I have pretty strong and learn-ed feelings about how you should consider choosing interior organization bullshit in a sea of organizational bullshit if you ever wanna hear ‘em! But I ended up with flatware dividers, a similar divider for small utensils, a nice set of dividers for organizing knives, a large clip-in drawer divider and glass drawer sides, and that cost me a good $50 over the course of two years, but I think my setup is reaaaally efficient, easy, clean, comfortable and safe! I want to eventually plan the interior of the under-sink steel cabinet in a similar way, really for my own satisfaction, but that is not a priority yet and I haven’t priced anything out or planned it.

I have not bought hardware for the cabinets yet, but I have “budgeted” $40 to source (probably, I’m thinking of changing my mind) the same chrome handles that the steel cabinet had, to put on all the new cabinets and replace the old ceramic hardware on the hoosier cabinet.

the hoosier cabinet! even though I bought this before I thought I’d be doing anything at all to the kitchen, it’s going to be doing a lot of work (going against a wall whose corner is too narrow to have any built-in cabinets), so I should include it. I can’t really remember but I think I paid... let’s say $160. I think it was less than that but we’ll go with that. Very little money has gone into making it nicer, just work.

I will throw in our pantry wire shelving too, while I’m here, even though we also bought that before. I would die for it. I think? it cost about $100.

So all in, cabinetry and storage is looking like a total of $800, but some of that is actually just furniture.

counter:  We’re pretty much all in for $300, which is unbelievable. It’s something I never could have begun to imagine, how expensive any counters are. The majority of that is actually labor, because we paid movers to help install it. (It’s 200 pounds and could break if dropped.) The rest of the cost includes interior framing and mold framing, the nice cement and pigment (which we still have for future projects), some layout of tools (which we have for future projects), and that cost also includes a first try that failed! We could have cut that cost in half if we had friends to help us carry it! I really can’t believe it!

appliances: The fridge and beautiful gas stove are staying. I bought a dishwasher for $400. It’s installed. We recently bought a range hood (!) on a really good sale (it’s nice), but we both already forgot if it was $300 or $400, let’s round up to $400. Installing it is the next step, and we haven’t bought the ductwork (although it’s traveling a short distance) or anything, and he needs to buy a tool that punches circle holes in the wall. I feel optimistically we can install it, then, for another $100. This installation is also going to involve a lot of wiring, and we’re moving a gas line at the same time so we can move the stove, so we’ll see. Unfortunately we also have to get a new sink because the one we have, which I was planning on keeping, was a casualty, and we have a narrower selection of options because of the thickness of the counter, it’s this whole deal, but the good news is we’re at least basically upgrading to a nicer and cooler sink? $200 and that is wishfully including a new faucet (which I’m not going to get for a long time anyway because it’s not as urgent), and any extra plumbing costs. So we’ll say $1000 in appliances which I still fucking hate to even conceptualize :|. But these two things are huge huge huge huge quality of life improvements for me, because of how much my... brain patterns... about kitchen cleanliness... were actually unhinging me entirely... and also oh my god? People don’t spend hours doing dishes????

In the next year I’d love to also buy an entry-level juice bitch juicer and a burr grinder, but I don’t know if I will, and I would LOVE a nicer toaster, which I might ask for for christmas hashtag money diaries

So we’re about $2200 in and have paid for most of the worst of it, and all of the above are all the parts that make the kitchen run. Everything henceforth is speculative.

floor: I’ve finally found something I can almost commit to, but this is going to be one of the last things. We’re going to do the kitchen, pantry, and the landing to the basement, and I am expecting complications, but I believe we can do it for under $400. I’ve never done it before though, so this might be super optimistic! Or Way over! I dunno! I can definitely settle for cheaper-per-square-foot tile, and think I have found some I love, but I want this to be very beautiful overall. The vinyl we have can definitely get us through for a while.

lighting:

I’ve figured out what I’m looking for, but haven’t figured out where to find it yet. I am imagining a budget higher than this needs to be, just because I’d love something extra nice and beautiful, so I’m going with $100.

walls, backsplash, finishing and ceiling:

I’m just doing porcelain grid here, so the cost per unit will be low, but... I wanna tile a LOT of area. Like instead of just the backsplash behind the counter, maybe... the entire wall behind the counter? Like a whole fucking wall??? I have tile madness. This is very nearly the last thing, so I may talk some sense into myself. But I REALLY wanna. I’m reasonably sure I can cover that in tile for like $35 and I could save money by using the same grout I use for the floor, but who knows. I need a backsplace, possibly to entirely re-trim the window on that wall (or at least fix it up), to address and replace some wonky molding around the door ways, and possibly install tile baseboards or something need like that, plus some aluminum trim here and there around the steel cabinet, something for a stove backsplash (possibly handmade metal) and some handmade hooks and things, we’ll paint, finesse the ceiling, and I’m betting you we can do all of this for $200. There is one final thing. when the stove is in its new spot, I want a narrow kitchen cart/butcher block to fill the gap next to it. We’ve looked at some retail and they’re all cheap and nearly never combine an enclosed drawer (for optimal spice storage) with a wire rack base, so we’ve planned a way to “make” (combine parts into) the perfect one, and this will not cost us $200, probably.

and then I secretly kinda wanna make some curtains out of feed sacks....

:)

[celebsrumorblog]

Kanye Re-Activated His Twitter Just To Send A Petty Tweet About Nike

Kanye Re-Activated His Twitter Just To Send A Petty Tweet About Nike

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Pap Nation / Splash News

Kanye Returns To Twitter To Throw Some Shots

Kanye West made his return to Twitter last night after deactivating his account about a year ago.

Though a lot of people are speculating–and quite honestly just wishfully thinking–that the reason he returned has to do with some upcoming album rollout, the only reason that’s clear as of right now is the one tweet he…