#hit kind of a slump lately not just with drawing but like.. journaling.. reading... fun things

[sleepinglionhearts]

I think he's lovely in green

[tirednotflirting]

i’ve got a secret for the mad (in a little bit of time it won’t hurt so bad)

i was sad last night and this just happened. (baby’s first time writing lashton pls be nice)

Luke wakes up in an odd position, his long limbs tucked up onto the couch, an ache in his neck but also a pair of lips press against where the pain begins (something oddly poetic, he would reflect on later during a writing session that only he and Calum attended). Ashton's body is half on top of his own, the drummer’s calloused fingers pressing against his ribs under the t-shirt Luke had thrown on after showering in the venue the night before hopping on their bus.

The night before they had finished up their last Texas show which meant the long drive from Houston to Denver for the next show was on the agenda for the next couple of days. The show that night had felt a bit weird, Luke found himself thinking as he rummaged through the fridge in search of a few beers and a bottle of kombucha as he was the one who had been sent back to grab drinks for a movie night. Not that it hadn’t been a good show but at times he had found himself feeling some kind of tense energy during certain songs. Like a lack of fluidity he normally felt jamming with the guys for an arena of 10,000+ people.

He brushes it off pretty easily for now though, assuming it was maybe the lack of sleep or dehydration (the latter thought causing him to grab a bottle of water for himself as well) and shrugs to himself as he gently kicks the fridge door closed before wandering back to the lounge. Michael was standing in front of the TV, one hand on his hip while the other pointed a remote to the box, flipping through Netflix options. Calum stands just behind him, his chin resting against the blonde’s shoulder, softly adding comments about different titles he was finding he might be interested in.

Luke pulls a couple of the beers out from where they were cradled in his arms and passes one to each of them, the two boys turning and smiling their thanks as Luke continues walking past them toward the couch where Ashton was seated, his thumb swiping across his phone screen and his legs covered with a fleecy throw.

“Grabbed you a hippie juice,” Luke says quietly to him, trying not to startle him as he took a seat on the free end, his arm reaching over Ashton's shoulder to hand him the glass bottle of the pinky beverage. The comment would normally result in a giggle from the older boy along with some faux complaint at Luke making fun of his current drink of choice. Instead he is met with silence from Ashton, the mumblings of Calum and Michael trying to decide on what to watch and the hum of the interstate being the only sound to meet his ear.

Luke pouts as he let the bottle fall into Ashton's lap. As his eyes stay glued to the screen in front of him, his fingers now tapping against the glass, Luke was starting to have an idea of what might have felt off earlier in the night. He nudges his shoulder between Ashton's shoulder blades and let his head drop to his shoulder, the back of the couch keeping Luke from falling back as he looks up a bit at his cheek. Tired and somewhat sad hazel eyes met Luke’s blue as he felt Ashton sigh. “What is it, Luke?”

He immediately returns the question with another. “What’s bugging you?”

Ashton's tongue clicks against the roof of his mouth before his eyes lift to the ceiling and he takes a deep breath. Just as he’s about to respond, they both lift their eyes to the sound of footsteps toward the door that leads to the front of the bus as Mikey starts to speak. “Got a text that we’re stopping at McDonald's before we get too far out from anything. You guys want to join?”

Luke looks up to Ashton's face just as he’s looking down toward him with eyes pleading with him to not move. Luke lifts his head for a moment to respond for both of them. “Think we’re all good for now, you guys go ahead.”

The two of them shrug and wander toward the front, Luke watches them meander past the bunks as the lounge door slips shut again. He settles further into the plushy couch and Ashton scoots up some before letting his head drop into Luke's lap. He sighs gently again, this time against the knee closest to his face as he faces away from the pouting blonde. “Miss home. miss the sunflowers out back, miss that cat I started feeding out on the front porch.”

It was pretty routine for Ashton to hit some kind of slump around the halfway mark of a tour. Everyone was tired, everyone was missing the comforts of their own beds and kitchens. Being the first tour back after not being able to be out on the road for so long, Luke was honestly surprised it had taken this long for the boy in his lap to reach this point. He knew that by the end of it, Ashton had grown incredibly fond of his mornings watching the flowers he had been tending to dance in the breeze, of really taking his time to make his coffee in whatever fancy way he had read about trying recently.

Luke lets his fingers run through Ashton's black dyed curls (the longer style he had sported out of necessity summer 2020 was one he decided he wanted to keep for a while). The attention causes Ashton to turn some so he can look up into the eyes of the boy he’s cuddled himself onto. The action was one he had been hoping for, feeling and watching Luke wrap the dark hair around his painted fingers being one that brought him an almost odd sense of calm (a feeling he had found himself scribbling into song lyrics in his journals). 

Just as Luke’s about to respond, to offer some kind of comforting something to try to make Ashton feel even a little better (he really hates to see him so upset and stuck in his head), he speaks up again. “Which like, I know is bullshit. Because I know I spent probably a collective three weeks on FaceTime and stuff whining about not being able to be out on the road with you guys and seeing the fans and stuff but—“

He stops as Luke reaches out his free hand to the one Ashton has resting against his chest. The younger boy tangles up their fingers and squeezes against his palm. “You don’t have to try to explain yourself to me. Come on, I get it.”

Luke rhythmically taps his fingers against the knuckles of the other boy, hoping to get him to focus on the pattern to relax him as he continues. “You think I don’t miss Petunia? Or spending nights out in the backyard around that fire pit we decided to finally build to jam around? Or watching you make breakfast in the morning after we all ended up falling asleep around my place after hanging too late?”

Ashton feels his cheek press into Luke’s thigh as he smiles, remembering the image of a sleepy, bleach-blonde Luke sitting on the counter beside the stove, a cup of coffee cradled between both hands, his eyes tired but happy as he watches Ashton flip pancakes and cut fruit. He’s pulled out of the summer-sun soaked memory when Luke keeps going. “But we’re lucky. Because we get to go out and make people really happy making music that we’re proud of when honestly, I was worried we would never get to do it again like this.”

And of course he’s right. Ashton knows that. He suddenly thinks of another memory from the end of the previous summer also in Luke's kitchen. It was after another night with everyone in his backyard. Michael and Calum had just left (Michael deciding to drive a giggly, clingy Calum back home with promises to make sure they were both on time to the writing session at Ashton’s in the morning) and Luke and Ashton were cleaning up when Ashton suddenly heard a sniffling from the opposite side of the kitchen island. Luke faced away from him toward the cabinets but upon turning him around with a gentle hand against his shoulder, Ashton was met with red, glossy eyes before Luke tucked his face into the somewhat shorter man’s neck, his arms wrapping around his waist. He spoke quietly of his fears of never getting back out on the road so as to avoid a full blown meltdown. 

And while Ashton knew the wine Luke had sipped throughout the night was definitely heightening his emotions, he also knew the fears the boy in his arms confessed were ones shared by all four of them. Lacking the words to help dismiss those fears at the time, Ashton had just held Luke for a while in the kitchen, eventually waddling them both down the hall to the bedroom. He let the blonde cuddle into his side to fall asleep before sneaking out to finish cleaning up the kitchen and grabbing his keys to head home. 

(Before returning back to the present moment, his mind sits for a minute on how the night actually ended - he had one foot out of the door when he heard a sniff from across the living room, Ashton turning to see Luke in the pajama pants and t-shirt he had managed to get him to change into, the curly boy’s lips pouted as he blinked over at him. Ashton sighed with a smile as he dropped his keys into the bowl by the door, clicking the lock back into place before toeing off his boots and following Luke back to the bedroom, agreeing to play as the big spoon until the morning.)

Ashton feels Luke poke at his cheek and he screws his eyes shut and shakes himself back to where he’s currently at, staring up at the sweet smile and golden curls just above him. “All of that to say,” Luke starts as he draws figure 8s through the black curls and Ashton finds himself leaning back into his hand. “You’re allowed to be home sick. Especially after being stuck at home for so long. It’s not often we’re allowed to get used to what it feels like. Being at home.”

The drummer turns then to face the ceiling again as he nods slowly, knowing there wasn’t much of a solution to his current feelings aside from just waiting for them to pass. It's then that Calum and Michael return to the back lounge on the bus, giggling as they find places to set the food on the far too tiny coffee table in between the two couches. Michael informs the two that had stayed behind that they got them fries and Luke smiles brightly as he thanks them. Calum is typing into the search bar the name of whatever comedy the two of them must have decided on while waiting for their food.

Luke is preparing to ask what they’ve settled on as he continues to listen to the two of them laugh while Calum types in each additional letter, when the weight in his lap is lifted. He watches wordlessly as Ashton gets up off the couch and plants himself on the opposite side of Luke, his legs then tossing over the blonde’s lap and his head moving to rest where Luke’s shoulder meets his neck. He wonders if Ashton can feel the warmth of the blush that he’s sure is now painting it’s way up the back of his neck and cheeks. He pulls his left arm out from where it's been squished into the couch cushion and moves to wrap it around Ashton's waist, an action that provides him the reward of the black haired boy nestling a bit closer toward his chest. 

He finishes his question to Calum, who, upon turning to answer him, rolls his eyes as a smirk forms against his lips. He bites his tongue to avoid calling attention to the current arrangement his bandmates have placed themselves in since he was able to tell during the show that something was keeping Ashton stuck up in his head. Calum turns back to the TV and clicks play then and the title of a comedy from their childhood flashes onto the screen and Luke finds himself chuckling to himself just as the other two had before. Calum hits the light by the door and throws himself onto the other couch causing Michael to jokingly whine as the bassist lets his legs fall over his lap.

As Luke wiggles some to settle more into the couch, Ashton lifts his head in response, his eyes meeting Luke's with a questioning gaze. Luke rubs away the worry between the other boy’s brows that he can see from the white-blue illumination coming from the TV screen and squeezes Ashton’s hip so as to encourage him to settle back into his side. He misses hearing it over the dialogue from the characters on screen but feels a contented hum from Ashton as he cuddles into his neck. It's not fifteen minutes later that Luke catches soft snores in between the hushed laughter from the other couch.

*

He doesn’t remember ever stretching out and falling asleep on the couch. He's wondering how they managed the unconscious movement as he feels the lips against his neck pout some. Luke is still half asleep as he feels a smile stretch lazily across his face when he feels Ashton wrap his warm fingers more around his chest, obviously awake now but still chasing after the last moments of rest. 

Luke's eyes lift from where he’s looking down at the boy against his chest to the door as he hears it slide open, Michael wandering in with a couple of Starbucks cups. “Hey cuddle bugs, time to get up,” he announces in a voice loud enough that both of them groan as he places the cups on the coffee table. “We need to be out at the car to go to those radio shows in an hour.”

He slips out then, giving a similar message to Calum who likely was up in his bunk. (Luke finds himself wondering when Michael suddenly became the morning person of the bunch.) Luke moves to sit up then, attempting to wrap an arm around Ashton so as to avoid letting him fall to the floor with the movement, but he is met with a frustrated noise and Ashton attempts to push his weight more onto him.

“Ash, we gotta—”

“No, five more minutes.”

Luke laughs gently and lets his back fall back against the cushion, deciding the attitude was somehow a good sign. 

“Still feeling homesick?” he questions, his free hand moving to play with the ends of the black curls tickling his cheek. 

“Not anymore,” Ashton mumbles back against his neck. The response is punctuated with him further cuddling into Luke's chest, somehow making the short answer feel like so much more than two little words. 

Luke smiles and makes a mental note to run out between interviews to find where he can buy some sunflowers as he lets his eyes flutter shut once again.

*