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umbry-fic · 4 years ago

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A Palette Full of You (4)

Summary: Glimpses into Colette and Lloyd’s lives as they grow up together, learn who they are, and fall in love with each other.

(Written for Colloyd Week 2021)

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving Rating: G Chapter: 4 of 6 Word Count: 5897 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 12/06/2021

Chapter Title: Stardust

Chapter Summary: The astronomy club holds a stargazing event on the school rooftop. As chairperson, there's no chance Lloyd isn't going to invite Colette. But as the night progresses, actually spotting the hard-to-find stars become the least of Colette's concerns.

(Colloyd Week Day 4: Stargazing)

Notes+Warnings: Chapter 4 of my multi chapter Colloyd week fic! Warning for some major internalised acephobia.

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~~~

16-years-old

Stepping out of the science lab into the corridor, Colette came to a halt, her schoolbag weighing on her shoulders, soaking in the warm air as other students filed past her. One of the most unfortunate things about attending practical make-up was that she wasn't guaranteed her usual seat by the lab window. Sitting right under the air-con was enough to send her into hibernation, and the test was hard enough as it was. She'd barely managed to finish on time.

Rummaging through the pocket of her navy blue pinafore, her fingers brushed past a packet of tissue and her wallet before successfully pulling her phone out. She needed a reminder of where the stargazing event was taking place, and who better to ask than Lloyd? She hoped he was reading his messages.

"7.23 pm, May 18th" blinked at her from her phone screen.

Wait, 7 missed calls? From Lloyd? What for?

Gah, she’d forgotten to tell him.

She dialled his number, placing the phone against her ear and waiting for his anxious voice to ring out. Which it did, just seconds later as he picked up.

“Colette? Where are you? I tried calling you so many times, and Sheena and Zelos wouldn’t pick up because they’re both at tuition!”

“I forgot to tell you the makeup got pushed by an hour. Sorry for making you worry, Lloyd. But I’m done now. Where’s the event at?”

"We’re on the school rooftop! Where we celebrated Sheena's birthday last month, remember?" Lloyd replied, his voice tinny in quality from the phone call. She could hear, in the background, the overlapping sounds of many voices.

“School rooftop, school rooftop, school rooftop…” she mumbled, beginning to scurry through her secondary school's corridors, head darting every which way to determine where she was and try to find clues as to where she was going. She didn’t often wander into this part of the school campus - block D, the science block - since she only took two sciences. Usually, she’d take the main staircase straight down to the canteen, but it would take forever to get back to the roof from there. She didn’t want to be too late.

“You’re coming from science lab 3, right? If I remember correctly, it’s one right, walk past the storage room to block C, and then take the first left down the bridge to block B. You should see the staircase to the roof. Do you need me to come and get you?”

“No, no, it’s fine! Just stay on the phone?”

“Alri - OI, MATTHEW, STOP MESSING WITH THE TELESCOPE! YOU DO NOT GET SPECIAL TREATMENT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE MY DESKMATE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF AND LET ELLA HANDLE IT!” The yell was muffled, probably because Lloyd had taken the phone away from his mouth to avoid deafening her, though his raised voice was still enough to make her wince, tearing the phone away from her ear.

“Sorry about that,” Lloyd said, his voice lowered back to normal volume again. “Got to prevent property damage. You know how it is.”

“Right…” She laughed nervously, wondering how many people were up on the rooftop and what exactly they were up to. She was hoping to spend a peaceful evening stargazing with Lloyd and listening to him talk about constellations, the shining passion in his eyes rivalling even the stars above, not… getting distracted by people fooling around.

“How’s it going? Are you getting closer?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m heading in the right direction,” she assured Lloyd, taking the left he’d directed her to and running down the bridge connecting two blocks, her ponytail flaring behind her and her pinafore swirling around her legs. There was almost no one left in the school now. The hallways she’d run through had been abandoned, for the most part, the stragglers she passed by all heading in the direction of the main gate. The sky, visible from the bridge, was in the last throes of twilight, slowly bleeding into night as black seeped across the sky.

Colette skidded to a halt at the end of the bridge, gaze landing on a familiar door. She could recall this stairwell now, having taken it two months ago. She, Zelos and Lloyd had somehow managed to lead a blindfolded Sheena up it, whereafter they had surprised their friend with a birthday cake they had baked together. That birthday cake had been salvaged solely by Zelos, who was a surprisingly good baker. Or maybe they were just average, and weren't knocking over the baking tray every ten minutes like her.

“I’ve found the right staircase!” Colette said, hanging up and stuffing her phone back into her pocket and starting to take the stairs two at a time. She usually never did that (and was often teased by Sheena over it), choosing to climb each step carefully, for the risk of tripping was too high. But she was in a hurry, and so had no other choice. Her shoe-laces were coming undone, and her school bag seemed to be getting heavier with each step.

Everyone else who was attending the event was likely already on the rooftop - Colette could hear voices and the sounds of footsteps against concrete through the open door at the top of the stairwell. Grabbing the cold metal handle, she threw the door open, finally emerging onto the rooftop.

There were about thirty or so people milling around, everyone still dressed in their school uniforms, chatting with friends, holding cups of fruit punch or lounging on the mats that had come from the gymnasium. Not enough people to count as a crowd, but certainly respectable. Just a small event, one where she could relax and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Now she just had to find Lloyd...

"Colette!"

Speak of the devil! Or the angel, perhaps... Colette tracked the source of the voice and spotted Lloyd, making his way over from a group of students who were busy fiddling with a telescope, his hand gripping a red plastic cup. One side of his collar was flipped up, and the small shooting star pin that marked him as the chairperson of the astrology club was pinned to the other. Only one of the sleeves of his white blouse were folded like they were meant to be, the other way too long and leaving barely any skin visible above his elbow. His white long pants had been rolled up as much as possible - which wasn't much, honestly, the most it could reach was mid-thigh. It was one of those stuffy nights with no wind that was stifling and hard to fall asleep in.

"You made it!" Lloyd's grin grew wider as he grabbed her hand, only for him to flinch away instantly, vivid red liquid nearly sloshing over the rim of his cup. “Gah, your hand is really cold.”

"Sorry! You know how cold the lab is. Anyway, I only made it here thanks to your assistance." Colette laughed, feeling her weariness peel off her instantly. Lloyd always had that effect on her - his energy was infectious, like it was being injected straight into her veins whenever she was in close proximity to him. Especially now, with clear excitement alive on his face.

It was strange, though. He was the only one with that effect on her. Meeting her other friends never failed to make her happy, but Lloyd was the only one that could make her feel ten times more alive in an instant the moment she saw his smile. It had only started in the past year, this unknown, electrifying sensation that arose in her heart whenever she was with Lloyd. The desire to see him again after school ended got stronger with each day, but she couldn’t understand any of it…

“You’re staying for the afterparty, right?” Lloyd asked, taking a sip of the fruit punch. He said afterparty, but she knew it wouldn’t be much of a party. Just all the members of the astrology club hanging out in the tiny room the school had assigned to them, playing card games and chatting. Everyone in the club knew her by name, for she was the friend of their chairperson who somehow managed to turn up at every meeting. She was practically an honorary member at this point.

A homey gathering without any alcohol in sight. She much preferred it that way. The last time alcohol had come into play when she was staying overnight at a chalet with the rest of her class, sometime late last year. She'd avoided the cans of beer stacked on the floor, the smell not appealing to her. But alcohol sure made the rest of her classmates go wild. Running away from slightly drunk classmates trying to get her to play truth and dare was not fun. Normal truth and dare was already horrible, with questions like "who are you crushing on" and "who would you like to kiss". She didn't understand why it was a game that people insisted be played at every class gathering or orientation. No one ever believed her when she answered honestly with "no one", and she was fairly used to the reactions by now, the common ones being that she had to be lying, for everyone had someone in mind, or that she should stop acting so high-and-mighty, or just snickers of her being a prude.

Just because she was used to the biting words didn't mean they had stopped hurting, reminder stacked atop reminder of how she was isolated from everyone else around her. And as much as she hated answering "truth" whenever that accursed bottle landed on her, answering "dare" was even worse. There were the innocent ones like doing the chicken dance, and then there was having to kiss someone. She always did her best to leave as soon as the bottle made an appearance, but she could never say "no" when someone asked her directly to join, for she never knew how to turn people down. Neither did she want to give her classmates more reasons to treat her as a laughingstock for being too much of a coward to play. So now, whenever she was forced to play the game, she would give the least offensive answers possible - mostly girls, for she at least found them pretty, though she didn't think that was what attractive meant.

But the drunk version of truth and dare? That was hell on Earth. The questions got even more invasive. She could never understand how someone could ask "who would you sleep with here" with a straight face. And alcohol loosened the lips of her classmates, enough that she had heard snippets of some of the more adventurous ones describing their sexual escapades in sickening detail. She really didn't need the reminder that sexual activities weren't just a thing of fiction, but something that actually happened amongst real people and that people seemed to really want to do. She'd spent half of that chalet stay playing Uno with Zelos in a corner, because Zelos was way better at promptly rejecting offers to play truth and dare.

Only her friends had ever come to her defence, but it was not like they could help that much when they weren't in the same class, apart from Zelos. Still, they afforded much-needed safety, and they never pointed out how she was weird or strange or different, even if they must have noticed by now. But...

She was 16. Wasn't she supposed to get it by now?

“Yep, I'm staying. We can go home together,” Colette suggested, tearing her thoughts back to the present. "Dad already knows I'll be coming home late, and Aunt Anna can just pick us both up."

Colette reached out to fold Lloyd's right sleeve, straightening the wrinkles out, before reaching to flip his collar down. His uniform was always in such a state of disarray, and it was always up to her to get him looking neat before the teachers did their inspections during morning assembly.

"Yep, I'll let Mom know," Lloyd replied, squeezing her hand. "Let's actually get to stargazing, shall we? Come on, I reserved the mat with the best telescope. The..."

Colette let Lloyd ramble on about the specifications of the telescope as he guided her towards their destination. It was always endearing to hear him talk about the topics he loved, whether it be the ocean or the stars. His words would get faster as he went on, until he was barely intelligible as all the syllables clumped together, without him even noticing. She didn’t want to interrupt him, though, much preferring to just watch him as a smile inevitably grew on her face.

"Right! Get comfortable!" Lloyd said, having completed his spiel and coming to an abrupt stop. Colette stumbled a few steps forward, so engrossed in listening to Lloyd that she'd nearly tripped. He gestured towards the deep blue mat stuffed with foam, placing his cup next to it before crouching to adjust the sleek black telescope, nimble fingers flying from knobs to levers. His face was scrunched up in concentration, focussed entirely on his task.

Colette dumped her school bag down and kicked off her school shoes, leaving her feet clad in white socks, and scrambled onto the mat, lying down on it. Lloyd joined her soon after, having finished whatever preparations he was doing, sidling closer on the mat so that his shoulder pressed against hers as they both stared up into the night sky, now completely dark. In the distance, Colette could see the lighted-up M sign on the business complex.

“We can look at the stars first before we use the telescope to find the planets. What do you see, right now?”

"Um, well… I can only see one star in the sky," Colette muttered, pointing out the lone, twinkling presence. It was common knowledge that there was too much light pollution to actually see any of the vast galaxies and planets that were scattered throughout the universe. The most Colette had ever seen at once when looking out at the sky from the balcony of her apartment was three stars, dimly shining and far away from each other. They were hundreds of light-years away, unreachable and yet still shining their light for all to see.

"No, there's more. It's a really clear sky tonight, and we can see so much!" Lloyd replied eagerly. The starry-eyed enthusiasm had returned to his eyes, seeming to burrow straight into her heart. Pointing up into a particular patch of sky, he said, "There! Do you see the top of the Big Dipper?"

"Ah..." She tried to follow the line of his arm but didn't spot any hidden stars, shaking her head. "No...? The Big Dipper is the one that looks like a frying pan, right?" It was one of the many constellations that Lloyd had taught her while on his impassioned rambles about astrology. Ever since he'd picked up that one book on constellations from the library in primary school, he'd been obsessed with stars. She could still fondly remember the first time he had talked about it. She'd plopped down in front of him at the canteen table after school, asking what he was reading. He'd shut the book and told her about white dwarfs, planetary systems and the Milky Way for a full five minutes while she listened in awed silence. She'd rarely seen him this excited over anything. Lloyd had been about to continue before shutting his mouth abruptly, flushing as he realised how long he had gone on for and apologising for running her ear off. She'd told him that she didn't mind listening to him - there was something soothing about it, really, listening to his voice and watching his excited mannerisms.

"You remember?" Lloyd craned his neck so that he was facing her. There was something in the depths of those eyes that stared back at her. Something which, for the past two years, she would spot occasionally. And yet she still couldn’t put a name to it.

Somehow, how truly close they were hadn’t registered in her mind until this very moment. If she inched forward just a little, their noses would bump.

But they’d been this close so many times before. Why was this time so different?

Or, more accurately, what had changed in the past year? Why couldn’t she be this close without something in her clicking, filling her with a warmth that was both familiar but foreign? Why were her palms starting to sweat, her heart starting to race? It felt like she was about to give a presentation to a room full of strangers.

But that wasn't the case. She was just next to Lloyd, her oldest friend and the person she trusted most in the world.

Perhaps recently she had been noticing more tiny things she hadn't before, staring at him for just a little longer than she used to - how his hair fell into his eyes on days where he didn’t bother to comb or style his hair, how there was a dimple only on the right side of his mouth, how his hair could vary in shade under different lighting, from a golden brown to dark chocolate. It even appeared red sometimes.

She felt like she was at the cusp of a discovery.

"Of - of course I remember." Colette stumbled over the words, averting her gaze up towards the night sky. "You've been working on the notes for this club for so long, and I helped you with them! So of course I'd remember."

"That's true. We did spend a lot of late nights on those." Lloyd chuckled. "Remember all the pillow fights?"

"Yeah, I do. You always let me win, you cheater," she grumbled, glad for the light-hearted change in topic to distract from her confusing feelings. "But I'm happy everything worked out and you managed to get the club set up! You've worked really hard on all this. You deserve the success."

"I couldn't have done it without you, really," Lloyd retorted, taking gentle hold of her wrist. "And I know I've thanked you already, but let me just say it again. Thank you. In return, I'll do my best to show you as much as I can!" Lloyd pointed her arm towards a point in the sky. "There. Look closely. Do you see it now?"

She focussed on that spot, squinting in hopes that the secrets of the night sky would be revealed to her. "Oh!" Colette exclaimed. She could see it now, just barely - a faint source of light. There was a lonely little star, shining as brightly as it could, just enough to be noticeable but going unseen by the unobservant eye.

"You got it!" Lloyd cheered, beginning to slowly guide her hand to trace out a shape - that familiar pan shape he’d drawn for her so many times. His fingers, wrapped around her wrist, were so warm... "Now do you see the Big Dipper?"

"You're right," she said in amazement. The pattern had been there all along. How many more were waiting to be found, causing the sky to come to life before her very eyes?

"There are so many beautiful constellations to find in the sky." Lloyd grinned. Dimly lit by the gentle light of the night sky, far from the harsh fluorescent lights of the classroom and the often blinding rays of the sun, his features seemed softer than ever, and she had the urge to just... reach out and touch his face. Splay her fingers on his cheek, rest her forehead against his, let the strands of his hair fall through her fingers…

"Yeah..." She glanced back up at the night sky. She could spot the Little Dipper now, glimmering. Already, she was discovering new things.

When she glanced back, Lloyd was staring at her with a wistful expression, the arm not holding hers held stiffly against his side, like he was aching to reach out but was holding himself back.

The moment was gone, as quickly as it had come, and Lloyd's face once again sported a happy smile, like nothing of significance had happened. Perhaps she had imagined the whole thing. But in just a few seconds, the entire centre of her world had shifted, throwing her irreversibly off balance.

Her chest felt constricted, like she couldn't breathe properly, that strange sensation back in her heart again.

But it would be a lie to say she hadn’t figured out what it was. She had fallen into the unfamiliar pit of love, just as she had always wanted. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say she had fallen a long time ago, but had only just realised she wasn’t standing on solid ground any longer.

She had found The One. Finally.

So why... Why had nothing changed at all?

It was no longer possible to convince herself that she could be just like everyone else. Not when she was acutely aware of how stupidly immature she was compared to everyone else, always cringing away from the thought of sex. Whether it be skipping raunchy scenes in books or shows, avoiding popular pop songs with explicit lyrics, or promptly deciding to stop listening whenever her classmates decided it was a good time to talk about it. She couldn't rid herself of nausea that would roil in her stomach. But... that was wrong, wasn't it?

If she loved someone, she was supposed to desire them. That's what happened in all the stories - people fell in love, and then they happily had sex with each other. It was everywhere. In every book, in every show. Even the terrible sex-ed lessons had parroted that a happy relationship was one with healthy amounts of sex. Everyone was going to have sex at some point once they got into a relationship, to want to have it and to eagerly give it. But she didn't. She had never felt the same way. And that was her truth, the one that went unregarded by others.

Or maybe her truth was that she was just broken. That something had shattered inside of her a long time ago, and now she couldn't be put back together, couldn't feel what she was supposed to, what others did. And she didn't know what to do about it.

No matter how much she hated the idea of sex, someday she’d have to force herself to go through with it. After all, it was a requisite for a relationship. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be worthy of love, and she didn’t love her partner enough. She owed it to whoever her partner was, even if one day it ended up being Lloyd. This was her fault, after all. No one else was broken in the same way as her.

It would just be like… forcing herself to eat her vegetables when she was younger, wincing over the yucky taste until she got used to it. Nothing more. Easy.

Maybe then she’d finally get it.

Maybe then everything would magically fix itself.

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes which she willed to disappear. She felt like the stars above. Shining alone, so far away from any other companion, looking down upon a world that was too far away to understand. All alone. Always all alone.

"Too bad we can't see more here in the city. One day, I promise, we'll see the real starry sky together! The galaxies, the planets, the suns... All of it. It'll be amazing," Lloyd continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil. Because even he could not read her mind.

Colette folded her hands over her stomach, closing her eyes. The enormity of the emotion beating in her heart absolutely terrified her, as did the thought of the future and what awaited her. Could she ever act on these feelings? Would she ever be deserving of acting on them, inadequate as she was? Did she even really love him?

There was no use in agonising over these thoughts, for no answers would ever be found.

"I'd like that," she whispered, squeezing his hand. She was more than willing to just enjoy his company for now. Her dearest friend.

“I’ll show you the rest of the stars that are visible today! Then we can look into the telescope and see the nebula. I’ve already pointed it in the right direction! You won’t want to miss it, it’s incredible! Over there is…”

So long as she could remain with him, everything would be alright.

~~~

“Bye, Lloyd!” Ella said, waving as she sprinted out of the club room. “Have a safe trip home!”

“You too!” he called out after her, as loud as he could without waking up Colette. Her head was resting on his lap, the hair she had freed from her ponytail forming a golden sea that swallowed his legs. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around the huge penguin plush that acted as the club’s unofficial mascot. He couldn’t for the life of him recall where it’d come from.

How did he always end up being Colette’s pillow? Not that he was complaining…

Lloyd ran a gentle hand through Colette’s hair, making sure not to awaken her. Mom would take another 20 minutes to arrive at the drop-off point, so he might as well let Colette continue to sleep. After all, he still had to clean up and lock up the room. At least Colette had helped him with most of it.

He moved his hand rhythmically, watching her minute facial movements. What dream was she having right now? Was it a happy one? He hoped it was. He wanted nothing more than to see a truly happy smile on her face every day, and that was the root of the feelings that had built up over years.

In the ensuing silence, he couldn’t help but think back.

What had happened while he was showing her the stars? There had been a period of time when she had seemed to withdraw into herself, becoming far quieter than she usually was. Almost contemplative. Even a little sad.

She had been back to normal afterwards, cheerful with her large smiles and bright laughter. He didn’t know how to question her about it, didn’t know how to even start the conversation. He wanted to find out, so he could help, in any way he could.

But… No matter how much he hated it, he could only wait. After all, if whatever was weighing on her was simple, she would have told him already. He could only hope she’d be able to tell him about what was troubling her, someday.

And he would wait. For as long as needed…

~~~

26-years-old

Lloyd set the rental car in reverse, slowly backing it up into the empty lot in the mostly deserted car park, the wheels crunching against gravel. Turning off the engine, he pulled the keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into the pocket of his jeans. Glancing over at the seat next to him revealed that Colette was peacefully asleep, head lolling onto her shoulder. Somehow, the abrupt bump in the road some ten minutes ago hadn't woken her up.

This was their second day in Melbourne to celebrate their honeymoon. Dad and Mom had come here for their honeymoon too, but maybe some things become a tradition for a reason. He and Colette had followed a strict itinerary, taking some advice from his parents when planning where to go. They had visited the fisheries for lunch yesterday, where Colette had sung the praises of the fish fillet, absolutely delighted at its freshness, which could never be experienced at home. Following which, they had driven to Phillip island to catch the nightly penguin parade, Colette cooing over all the little penguins waddling home. It was a cute sight - both the penguins and Colette.

It was the middle of winter, the temperature just shy of needing actual winter gear but cold enough that they were both wearing turtlenecks, not accustomed to the winter winds. A bit of a shame, actually. He would have loved to witness the adorable sight of Colette in a beanie that covered her ears, cheeks flushed from the cold and fingers housed in fluffy gloves. But alas, that sight would only remain in his imagination until they travelled to a country with much colder weather.

The car journey had been silent, Colette alternating between staring at the rare car that passed them on the narrow dirt roads, or doodling on her phone with a stylus, occasionally letting out a tiny giggle. As they had agreed upon, she had stopped looking out of the window for the last leg of their journey, which was close to a whole hour. At some point she had stopped making conversation with him, soft snores replacing the sound of her voice as the quiet night and hours of travelling had finally taken their toll.

He reached out a hand to hover over her shoulder, hesitating. He didn’t want to disrupt her rest, but she wouldn’t be seeing anything if she didn’t wake up, and that would render all his effort to transport the two of them into the remote meaningless. He had no choice.

“Colette.” He called her name softly, gently shaking her shoulder until she let out a tiny sigh. Her eyes fluttered open, still filled with sleepiness.

“We’re here. It’s time to get out of the car,” he said, grabbing hold of the strands of her hair that had fallen into her face during her sleep and tucking them behind her ear.

“Oh. Thanks for waking me up.” Colette yawned, covering her mouth with her hand as she stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of her system. “I need to cover my eyes while I get out, right?” she said, covering her eyes with her palms and giggling, doing exactly as they’d discussed without question. “I can’t look until you say so! Can’t spoil the surprise now, right?”

“Perfect! I’ll help you out of the car. Wait there.”

Lloyd stepped out of the car, shutting the door and running over to her side. He opened the passenger-side door, grabbing hold of her bent arms.

"Carefully now," he muttered, slowly helping Colette out of the car and steadying her when she stumbled slightly onto the gravel. Taking a stronger hold around her arm, he began to guide her across the carpark towards a small hill, walking backwards and taking the occasional peek behind his shoulder to get a gauge for where he was going. With each step they took, the loose bits of gravel under their feet were kicked aside.

The grassy hill was a little harder to go up backwards, but he persevered. The grass was wet with dew, starting to wet the hem of his jeans as they brushed the skin of his ankles. Colette was completely silent, seemingly holding her breath in anticipation of the big reveal.

The trip out here had been exceedingly long, for this place truly was off the beaten path. He could count the number of people here with the fingers on one hand. But he could certainly say the trip had been worth it. Just sneaking a peek upwards was enough to make up for everything. This place really lived up to all the praise it had been given online.

Making sure they had a wonderful view of the sky, Lloyd came to a stop, turning Colette by the shoulders so she was facing the right direction. "You can look now," he whispered into her ear, tapping her shoulder and stepping back.

Colette uncovered her eyes and let out an audible gasp, transfixed by the night sky. They were far from civilization, so distant that there were no artificial lights to interfere with the natural dance of the stars. Laid out above them were millions of stars, clustered together and twinkling in unity. Swirls of pink and purple denoted the galaxies, resembling little bits of cotton candy painted onto the black canvas of the sky, interspersed with tiny dots that represented planets. The entire universe was spread out before their eyes to witness, splendid and magnificent.

He watched as she raised an arm, tracing the skies slowly. It almost seemed like her index finger was trailing stardust. He wouldn't be surprised if she actually was, since she was already pure magic in every other way.

She turned to face him, the starlight reflecting in her wide eyes and off the ring on her left hand, painting her as a more beautiful sight than even the gorgeous skies above him.

"You remembered!" she exclaimed, running over to throw her arms around him, knocking him back slightly as she smiled up at him. Thankfully, they were nowhere near the edge of the incline, or they would have gone tumbling down a long way. This close, he was even more reminded of her untouchable beauty: her shimmering blue eyes were breathtaking. "You kept your promise."

Colette moved her arms so they were wrapped behind his neck. She was practically hanging off of him; his gaze focussed on her smiling face.

"Well, I wanted to see it too." He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to press a kiss on her forehead. "And I always do my best to keep my promises."

I promised that I would never leave you, and I will keep that promise. No matter what.

“They’re all together now. They’re not alone anymore,” Colette said, "Thank you." She rested her head against his shoulder, his hands automatically shifting to her back, holding her close. "I love you."

She said those words so easily now, without the hesitance that had bogged her down at the beginning. He knew not all of her fears and insecurities were gone - maybe they never would be, and all they could do was reassure each other. There were the terrible nights where she would sob next to him and admit she felt like a fraud for being unable to give him sexual intimacy, crying that she wasn't enough and that he deserved so much more. All he could do was hold her in his arms and whisper into her hair that it was alright, that he loved her, that he didn’t care. But as time went on, those nights became less frequent, until they were few and far between. Besides, she did give him pieces of that intimacy, whenever she could - the gift he cherished, for it truly meant the world coming from her.

"I love you too. Picture?" he offered, holding up his phone. He wanted to create a physical memory of this magical moment, one that they could preserve forever.

Besides, if his parents didn’t get a photo, they would probably murder him. Mom, at least. So would Sheena, with Zelos’ snickering as an accompaniment to the crime. He wouldn’t live to see another day once he got back home.

"Of course," she replied. And he hoped the picture would be able to capture her bright smile, that which was most precious to him.

~~~

The picture they took would become a cherished memento, to be displayed on their nightstand forever - Colette pressing a kiss to his cheek, even as she gave him bunny ears, both of their faces lit up with large smiles.

~~~

Next chapter

#fanfiction #tales of symphonia #multi chapter #colloyd #colloydweek2021 #day 4: stargazing #colette brunel #lloyd irving

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snkpolls · 5 years ago

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SnK Chapter 130 Results

The chapter poll closed with 1775 responses. This month’s poll results were brought to you by u/staraves, Crunchwrap, Luna, Momtaku and Giovata! Thank you to everyone for your support!

RATE THE CHAPTER

Maybe it was finally getting Eren’s POV, or maybe it was finally seeing the rumbling in nine glorious double page spreads. Either way “Dawn for Humanity” was very well received with close to 70% giving it the highest possible rating, marking this the most acclaimed chapter since chapter 123.

Beautifully drawn and written. I like the teasing of Eren's PoV

Good to see some Eren and Historia (finally!!) but the lack of answers is really hurting my heart, cmon yama!!

Epic chapter, amazing artwork. And astonishingly, with 5-6-7 chapters left i still don't know where this is going.

Definitely in my top ten best chapters. The ending was gloriously horrifying to read. Also, we finally got some Historia content, which is a big plus.

Cool as hell chapter.

I feel like this chapter wasn’t that great. It kind of gave way to more speculation without giving many concrete answers. The things that it DID answer felt like stating the obvious.

Tease me more, daddy Isayama

This chapter most likely is the best i've ever seen. So many answers and sooo many questions left behind. This chapter directs us to think about the previous chapters and obviously ISAYAMA'S THOUGHTS. That thing makes me happy. I'm very grateful.

Death is on its way, ladies and gents. Also the end is almost here. What the fuck is going on? I just want some answers about E V E R Y T H I N G (especially about Eren's psyche).

Is there a singular word for the feeling of a mosquito bite?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT?

“The revelation of Eren’s freaky final boss form” was our favorite moment (22.7%) followed by “Eren’s POV finally! Sort of?” (15.8%) and “The rumbling! At last!” (13.4%). “Historia and Eren’s tense discussion on the farm” came in fourth (11.6%).

Fuck yes! Erens back!

Our Queen has finally returned!

The whole chapter was building up to the reveal of Eren's titan form, and I enjoyed it.

Finally back at our one and only true hero Eren.

SWIMMER TITANS ARE NOW THE GOLD MEDALIST FOR THE SWIMMING CATEGORY IN OLYMPICS 2020 special edition

FINNALY HISU POV, even if it’s just a flashback. Honestly I’m just happy to see her again, becuase she’s my favorite character, and even if the flashback gives more questions than answers.

loved zeke-eren bro talk

everyone who thought that Floch was lying in charter 125 are 🤡🤡🤡

reiner tiddies

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER'S MVP?

“The colossal synchronized swim team” made an impressive showing (28.5%) but their majestic moves across the ocean were not enough to topple Eren (53.6%) for chapter MVP. Historia (8.1%), Zeke (5%), and Annie (3.5%) also received some love.

EREN IS THE GOAT

Eren is the worst boy in the world.

EREN JAEGER GENOCIDAL MANIAC

I really missed Historia, so it was nice to see her.

can the rumbling start a synchronized aquatic dance?

WHAT DOES THE CHAPTER TITLE "DAWN FOR HUMANITY" REFER TO?

I thought of it as some sort of "End of the world" titling.

Dunno; but it doesn't really work if the rest of the world gets rumbled, does it?

I want to see the japanese title to decide

Eren wants to kill “animals” to give a new life to “humanity”

A dawn, or a beginning of a new day, has arrived. Whether this new day is a good or a bad one for humanity, we do not yet know. Everything is still possible, but once this day is over, the world as we know it is no longer here, for better or worse.

A new age for humanity is incoming. The story will end as a tragedy with Eren achieving his goal.

Dawn means the start of the day. So I think the start of the rumbling will be the start of humanity for this world. I think we started to see this with the world fleet being there to try stop eren. I believe every country is helping people flee regardless of race. Maybe I'm just too idealistic.

Ce chapitre fait reference au fait qu’eren est pret a tout pour sauver ses amis

Eren will achieve his goal (end the cycle of hatred)

Hope for humanity outside the walls. Dawn for me is something like hope, even if today was a bad day, tomorrow, after dawn, things might get better. Maybe the Warriors-Paradis alliance will somehow reach Eren and stop the Rumbling?

dunno but got the vibes of ‘it’s darkest before the dawn’ might be a tip for a change coming

Eren has now officially started eradicating the world and also it's dark ideas against people on paradise and conquering freedom for his people and that is why this moment onwards is "the dawn of humanity "

Dawn for Eldians to be exact. Dusk for Marleyans.

Finally defeating Eren, ending the curse of Ymir and freeing everyone from the shadow of Titan powers.

Dawn of Terror? Dawn of "What The FUCK Is That??" Dawning that the remaining places of humanity are to be trampled?

It could refer to a ""dawn"" for the alliance, who intend for neither side of the conflict to be eradicated, as they believe everyone is part of ""humanity"". Despite their deliberation at the beginning of the chapter, the fact that they're finally setting sail to stop Eren is testament that they've not lost their hope in the pursuit of this ideal, hence they can be interpreted to be the ""dawn"".

Eldians in Paradis Island being free from the wrath of outsiders and being avenged

I think it refers to a new beginning a new start for the eldians living on the island or it can be used as an ironic way that the humanity outside the walls is going to end so it's complete destruction hence the beginning of the new cycle

The Rumbling & Historia's child, humanity's destruction and its rebirth

Continuation of "End's Eve" as this is the dawn of the day where humanity fights for its continued existence

"Dawn" refers to Humanity's realisation of many things. Eg: how Eldia is not a weak nation, how the Rumbling wasn't a lie, how people are people and they are all the same - wanting to live and shedding the same blood no matter what nationality they have. "Humanity" refers to those still alive and realizing these things.

Dawn of the final day - 24 hours remain

WHAT ARE THE FUTURE IMPLICATIONS OF ANNIE DECIDING SHE'S TIRED OF FIGHTING AND NO LONGER WANTS TO STOP EREN?

Despite learning that her hometown is doomed, just over half of respondents feel confident Annie will stay the course and continue to work with the alliance. Among the rest of responses, 27.4% think this will trigger Annie’s exodus, selecting “Annie will leave the alliance and try to be with her father,” 16.9% believe this will cause Annie to do something stupid resulting in her death, and lastly 4% of the fandom believe this bad news will trigger Annie’s homicidal instincts causing her to switch sides and join Eren.

Annie saying she didn't want to have to be prepared to fight mikasa, Connie, armin, jean, Reiner and eren again made me feel sad for her ;-;

I just wanna say that it wouldn't make any sense for Isayana to bring Annie back and then write her out so it's obvious she will continue in the alliance lol (but I don't really agree with any of the options offered, I think she will decide by herself to stay)

Poor Annie's breakdown made me feel terrible for her. I still think she wants to leave but I think there are chances of the Warriors and/or Armin convincing her to stay and fight. As one of the nine shifters, she kinda has the responsibility to fight, even if she doesn't want to, and I get completely why she doesn't want to, poor thing. I have a sneaky suspicion that she might choose Porco's way out and we might yet see a new holder of the Female Titan power. :(

WHAT WILL BE THE FATES OF THE ELDIANS IN LIBERIO, SPECIFICALLY THE WARRIORS' FAMILIES?

When asked about the residents of Liberio and the fate of the Warriors’ families, a combined 58% believe that they are alive for the moment selecting that they were evacuated (39.3%) or else managed to escape (18.4%). Close to 30% aren’t so optimistic, believing Liberio is flattened and they are dead. We also had plenty of write in responses:

They are going to die, but I can see Annie meeting her father and die together in each others arm by the rumbling. It's sad I know, but it would be a fitting end for both of them :(

They are probably arrive. Either they overcame the Marleyan authorities that tried to surpress, or The Rumbling avoided Liberio entirely. I just doubt they would kill off Mr. Leonhardt offscreen.

They may have started to fight the Marleyans and then ended up flattened by the titans since they didn't escape earlier.

They took a ship to the south and we will meet them including Reiner's family and Mr. Leonhart.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for these people? I don't. The Warriors don't deserve happy endings for everything they have done.

Bands of survivors have made it out but Annie will meet her dad when he is dead or dying

some died while revolting, some are alive, annie's dad is wounded

They're currently fineish because Eren didn't go where Hange was expecting, hence why all their estimations have been off

I mean, they must be alive somehow. It seemed that there were only soldiers in Liberio and the others evacuated so I'm hopeful that at least Annie's father survived

I want to have hope ;-;

I just want Annie to see her father again, and for Reiner to get what he wants.

What if the city Eren attacked isn't Liberio? I feel like it's too important to be flattened just like that (thematical resonance + too many side-characters like Eren's own grandfather are there) and we're being misled about the place Eren is attacking.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HISTORIA'S STANCE ON THE RUMBLING?

Many of us had expectations about Historia going into this chapter. Her initially disagreeing outright with the rumbling but seemingly giving in was a surprise to 8.4% who thought she would have been all for it all along, and 19.9% who never expected her to agree with it at all. 6.4% of you expected her to do the opposite of what is implied, with agreeing at first but changing her mind in the conversation, while 23.3% reported expecting the exact turn of events. However, a huge 41.5% of you aren’t taking everything at face value and do not believe Historia does or has ever supported the rumbling.

DO YOU BELIEVE EREN IS THE FATHER?

After almost 2 years of the fandom fighting over the identity of Historia’s baby daddy, this chapter has finally definitively proven that… we still know nothing. Nonetheless, the narrowly winning belief (37%) is that Eren is the father, closely followed by those who believe he is not the father (34.4%). Some are unsure what to make of the situation (18.2%), and some of you don’t care enough to speculate (10.4%).

there is a TON of hints, him being the father makes prefect sense.

i will bet on my freedom that eren is the father

Historia x Eren ftw!

Eren being the father would be the most meaningful for both the story, as well as for Eren and Historia and their chemistry together if you ask me, though I can accept otherwise.

Whoever disagrees eren is the father doesn't read the manga seriously

I have not any positive thoughts about Eren-Historia's flashback. Just pain, I feel pain for her. I don't get the point to destroy her character like that.

I really hope Eren isn’t the father — it just doesn’t seem right.

I don't believe Eren is the father since it will contradict what he said to Zeke: "I'm only left with 4 years"

Sorry shippers, I don't think we'll ever get a straight answer about who's the father. But I kinda prefer it that way, because then we'll each get to decide what we thinks is correct.

IF YOU DONT STOP THIS I WANNA MAKE BABIES WITH YOU

Still don't care about who's the father

Who is the father?

HOW HAVE YOUR FEELINGS ON THIS CHANGED DUE TO THIS CHAPTER?

35% went into the chapter thinking Eren was not the father and 30% believing he was, with this chapter doing nothing to change their minds. For those who were affected, this chapter influenced 14.2% to join the team #DaddyEren and 5.6% to burn their membership card. The remaining 15% don’t care enough to speculate.

If Eren is the father, I think it's possible Historia wanted his baby to keep a part of him with her after the rumbling is over, or perhaps it was an attempt to make him want to come back when he's done or even not commit genocide.

why does everyone keep saying Eren is the Father confirmed? There is literally no evidence to support that, and it actually contradicts Erens statement when Zeke discusses Mikasas feelings towards him.

I just want Eren to be the father

Historia's pregnancy smacks of her own plan but I'm not sure Eren is on board with it.

I want confirmation on the father cause if it's not eren ima be pissed off

don't care who the father is, whole world is ending.

I can't stand the mystery surrounding Historia's pregnancy anymore, this is worse than serum bowl.

WHO THE FUCK IS THE FATHER

SO THEN WHAT'S THE REAL DEAL WITH HISTORIA'S PREGNANCY?

“What’s the deal with Historia’s pregnancy?” Jerry Seinfeld asks. But we cannot answer – we can only sustain ourselves on memes and ship wars. Despite Eren and Historia’s somewhat uneasy conversation, a solid third of you are still pretty sure that Eren is the baby’s father. A little over a fifth of you think she did the dirty with Farmer-kun instead. And another fifth is convinced something else is going on (watermelon baby?), but aren’t sure what. Some of you scream to the sky, sick of all the drama. And a few of you wouldn’t rule out a baby created through PATHS. It might be Ymir’s doing! No, not that Ymir. THAT Ymir.

Historia is playing 5d chess I just know it. I just don't know how yet

Why'd Historia act like that if Eren wasn't the father?

ymir is the father

Eren has to be the father for the good dev of eren & historia characters

I really hope the pregnancy thing is just a red herring, but it wouldn't be the first-time Isayama appealed to fan-service if not.

If I see more speculation on whether Eren is the father I'm gonna puke. I mean how about focus on the real story? Like how the world is about to be destroyed??

We need more Historia. We literally need her POV for the story to make sense right now. I can't believe that with ""5% of the plot"" left Isayama is *still* pulling this all this time? There *has* to be more.

I always knew Mikasa was the father

WHY DO YOU THINK HISTORIA IS PROPOSING A PREGNANCY?

Despite a majority of respondents believing the pregnancy is authentic, there is no consensus as to why Historia would propose it. The most popular answer when asked was “I don’t know” (32.2%). The remainder of the fandom is split between Historia proposing the pregnancy in support of Eren (23.1%), as part of an alternative plan (21%) or as an act of defiance against Eren (17.6%). Only a small percentage (6.1%) believe she actually wants a child.

What the hell is the pregnancy for? It doesnt make any sense for Historia to suggest that all of a sudden

How did getting eren and historia's conversation make things more confusing😔Like what went through historia's mind when she thought of having a baby i-

What if the "what if I have a child" scene with Historia actually happened EARLIER than the rest of the conversation? It would explain why they switched places, and if Eren really is the father, would explain why he feels he has such a say in Historia's child's future ("even if you agree, I don't" ) , and why when he spoke about the MPs he said "WE have two options: fight or run". It would also give him a motivation to oppose his friends, since they are trying to stop him.

I don't see his conversation with Historia in romantic light. She was scared of him and Eren was trying to manipulate her with her own words about being ""the worst girl on the world"". We still miss some important parts of their conversation, but if she agreed to help him because he reminded her how ""the worst girl"" she was, then I would be very disappointed. I saw her as strong woman and I hope she will not turn to be a mild sheep who isn't brave enough to follow Ymir's wish and ""live her life with pride"" (or ""live sticking her chest out"").

I have no idea for which purpose Historia want to become pregnant, but I'm glad that I was right that she decide it for herself and doesn't get forced at all!

Historia has a trick up her sleeve and I can't wait to see what it is.

WE LEARNED WHAT ZEKE REALLY TOLD EREN ABOUT THE ACKERBOND. ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH EVERYTHING WE HAVE LEARNED ABOUT THE ACKERMAN CLAN?

75% of the fandom wants more resolution to the Ackermysteries with 38.4% wanting MOAR and 32.3% wanting at least a little more. Only 22.3% are satisfied with the ackercrumbs we’ve been tossed and 7% have no opinion.

love guru zook

ackerman bond means LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! sweet for all ackerman related shippers ohhhh

I'm satisfied to see yet another example of people trying to pin eren's BS onto zeke (with the ackerman theories) be proven completely wrong

Mikasa's charachter wouldve been a lot more interesting if her ackerman genes had an effect on her decision making and her trying to overcome them would be a lot more intriguing to see. Instead it turned out to be some lovey dovey pancake bullshit. I mean what would Zeke even know about Mikasa??

WHAT IS UP WITH HISTORIAS PREGNANCY AND ACKERMANS BLOOD AHHHHH

I think the fact that the Ackermans can access the Paths without being shifters is going to be super relevant. My pet theory is that Mikasa will be able to cross into the Paths dimension to kill Eren and truly free Ymir Fritz, but let's see how that goes.

HOW ACCURATE WAS ZEKE'S ASSESSMENT OF MIKASA'S FEELINGS TOWARD EREN?

One of the few areas of agreement in this chapter was with Zeke’s assessment of Mikasa’s feelings towards Eren. Close to 80% think that despite having never met Mikasa in person, Zeke correctly understands that Mikasa’s concern for Eren has little to do with genetics and everything to do with reasons of the heart. However, the majority of people who took the option of writing in their answer cited both as a factor in Mikasa’s bond.

Eren, when your sadistic and bloodthirsty big bro can see how much Mikasa loves you, you probably should take it seriously lol

Zeke. Is. Big. Bro

He's a lying liar who lies.

usually when panels sway to the right, they are true, so I believe this is the case.

Did anybody honestly not already know this? We learned nothing new from this as far as I'm concerned.

Mikasa really cares for Eren but the Ackerman genes amplify her love for him.

Everybody's emotional attachments have some basis in biology. It doesn't make them any less real or meaningful

we learn Zeke ships eremika 🤔unexpected but naice

The ackerman blood does boost her physical abilities but i believe it doesn't affect her mentally (she probably has ptsd and seperation anxiety)

What is between Eren and Mikasa?There is something we still Dont know.I wish for more Mikasa....

I think the bond itself is clearly related to her trauma but the intensity of it probably has more to do with her Ackerman genes

Both ? Even tho Ackerman genes could have a big part in it

I think Mikasa loves Eren but it's not JUST romantic or JUST familial.

Her devotion is strong on its own- but her Ackerman abilities definitely have played a role in her saving his ass all these years.

Very accurate, he is Love Master Zook.

Only a fool believe that shit regarding Ackerman bonds and so on. [...] The hate speech I believe is some kind of Eren pathetic attempt to release her of her feelings towards himself, just in case the worst scenario is coming up in not too far future.

The Ackerman instincts amplified her love towards Eren.

Zeke was right [...] As much as Mikasa being ready to snap titans necks in two for Eren is due to her love for him, Eren being willing to go through with a world genocide to prevent Historia's sacrifice definitely results from his love for her.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PLACEMENT OF FLASHBACKS DURING THIS CHAPTER?

The majority of the fandom really enjoyed the inception-like flashbacks, but 1/5th just found it confusing as all hell. A sixth of the fandom is just fed up with Isayama blue-balling us. We’ve been in this relationship 10+ years, Yams, it’s time for you to give it up!

Loved the interwoven flashbacks, and made sense considering a lot of the "unknown" conversations(Eren with Yelena, Floch, Historia....) all tie into each other. Made sense to them like this, and plus there is still some mystery from his talk with Historia.

E-H convo should've been shown months ago; now is not the time for flashbacks.

Just Yams trolling the shippers

The confusing flashbacks also reflect Eren's state of mind. The placement was well done.

I don't mind it, but i feel Isayama was, to a certain degree, struggling to work all of this information organically into the story, so he was forced to choose this flashback method to get it out there.

The juxtaposition is very purposeful, while I don’t necessarily like what it implies, it is indeed impactful.

The way the flashbacks were placed would look amazing in the anime, but in manga format it looks a lot more confusing!

People might say this is Isayama being mysterious and showing us everything but revealing nothing as he always does, and yeah and if this was 10 chapters ago I might see that as a positive, but this late into the series it feels like it was just a waste of a chapter.

They were good because they connected with each-other; though I had to reread the chapter several times to distinguish who was talking because it flipped so much.

These kinds of chapters are slightly annoying in the moment, but are more than worth it in the long run.

The Historia flashbacks are confusing af

WHAT IS THE MEANING BEHIND EREN IMPLYING HE "WANTED THIS", REGARDING THE FUTURE OF THE RUMBLING?

Continuing Eren’s ongoing theme of the question of free will and determinism, this chapter presented us with the possibility that Eren wanted everything that has happened from the start. Depending on your interpretation, of course. The majority of respondents to this question (54.7%) believe that Eren has been convincing himself there was no other possible future due to seeing said future play out in front of his very eyes, and 17.1% somewhat similarly believe Eren did not want this in the conventional sense, and he is an unreliable narrator. A smaller 12% believe this is confirmation that Eren’s vengeful nature caused this, closely followed by 9.5% of you who just think he is a lunatic.

Despite him talking as if this future was fated to happen he still seems aware enough that his own decisions still led to this outcome. From his perspective all of this was meant to happen because he already saw his future memories, but he doesnt deny that the path he took was still by his own will.

Eren said from the start he would, "destroy them all." He hated being a slave. I think he *does want this. He wants whatever will guarantee freedom.

Both future can't be changed AND Eren is a fucking lunatic

Even if the future could be changed Eren preferred the full rumbling

He literally had no option from the very beginning , his actions is definitely justified .

it's probably all the attack titan's will, not his.

he's trying to fool himself into thinking he never changed

Eren has accepted that the future cannot be changed, and has realized that the unchangeable future is the future that he has always wanted

Eren is so close-minded & immature

I've given up trying to understand Eren's logic. It's just too bizarre. I will wait until the story is finished to form any opinion about him.

Eren was bored in his original universe and wanted humanity to have a threat so he made the aot universe via Ymir and became that threat himself.

Even if a significant part of Eren wants to eradicate his enemies out of rage/revenge, really deep down it’s been shown he wishes there was another solution but right now he doesn’t want to admit he’s surrendered to his destiny. So Isayama’s going to come back to this by having Eren admit to himself he isn’t really free/this isn't what he wants, which will be the culmination of his character arc (what will he do then?…).

Eren kinda forgot about the mothers

THIS BURST OF PANELS SHOWS A VARIETY OF SCENES FROM EREN'S POV, BUT SOME SCENES APPEAR TO BE FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE OR ENTIRELY NEW SCENES. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Nearly 45% of the people who voted, thought it was a deus ex machina move from Founding Titan by Proxy, which granted Eren a glimpse at all Eldians’ memories. Almost a third think that Eren was actually able to control their memories. 14% of all voters are just “wtf…? I dunno” at all the Pathsnanigans.

I don't know and I don't like it. Hope it isn't another pathsfuckery while all I want in life is KRUEGER'S POV.

Eren's path shit also implies the story has always been bending to that moment too. From the pigs, to even Dina from that Bert shard. If it's ever revealed he orchestrated Carla's death to stimulate Grisha and Eren's hatred, the whole demonisation of RBA gets turned on his head.

I don't like the idea that Eren controlled the Smiling Titan but it's starting to feel more and more likely...

The second one except it WILL come up again cause it’s fucking Isayama like tf do you expect lmao

The new POV scenes are definitely intentional but I hope the explanation isn't some magical PATHS stuff where he orchestrated characters (like Dina's) actions or is suddenly an all-seeing almighty being. Grisha was enough pls.

DUDE, THIS MEANS THAT BIRD HAS P A T H S!

dumb answer choice

FT/Ymir lets Eren see the memories of all Eldians. It will come up again. I don't get some of the angles/perspectives though.

It's possible some of these things haven't happened yet, or that Eren has access to the memories of more shifters somehow. For example, Berthold might be a memory Annie or Reiner have and Eren will receive if he eats one of them while they try to stop him.

I have absolutely no idea what the deal is with the Falco and Bertolt memories but I'm sure they're not inconsistency errors considering the care that went into showing that the Mikasa/Grisha/Levi etc. panels are clearly from Eren's POV. I expect answers really soon (and no, I do not think he controlled Dina’s titan to kill Carla, that would be pure character assassination). Hange's panel looks like it's from the future, as well as Mikasa's unfamous 'see you later'. The geese are also interesting but I have no mindblowing theories about them unfortunately..

Excited to see from where Hange without glasses memories from though.

Eren is the air, the trees, the birbs, everything

Marcel is more like to come back from the dead before I ever understand half the shit inside Eren’s head.

If Eren somehow got his mother killed that'll be the ultimate bruh moment

THIS CHAPTER SHOWED US ANOTHER MEMORY OF FEZ-KUN, FINDING HIMSELF IN TROUBLE AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MEANING BEHIND HIS HIDDEN STORY?

The mystery of the Fez persists once again, with this being the tenth chapter since he was first shown. Though by a small margin, the consensus is that the purpose of his story is to reaffirm Eren’s determination to wipe out the world at 44.8%, with 33.4% of respondents believing he will be a tie to Eren’s compassion and remorse for what he is doing, and 17.1% believing it highlights Eren’s inherent hypocrisy for caring for him even though he will die by his actions later. Many write-in options expressed confusion at who this kid is.

Eren believes that suffering and oppression of minorities will never end just by small acts of kindness and simular "passive" acts, like what Levi did, it does not provide a long term solution or prevent Fez-kun'sfrom furder torments, which is why Eren feels like the extreme solution of the rumbling is his only option

Eren gave a mission to Fez-kun

Eren using another kid to get his way without caring about his life. What else is new.

He's the "even someone on the street" part of Kruger's advice to love someone to break the cycle of tragedy.

He’s showing that little boy he has to fight to survive, like he did with Mikasa when they were kids.

I think he found himself in trouble again (he looks to be bruised on the cheek in 120) and Eren will come to his rescue. However I think Eren will not just save him by beating up or killing the Marleyans, but inspiring the Fez kid to take action and "fight" just like he did with Mikasa. This arc has had a lot of focus on the almost inhumane level of violence Eren showed as a kid when killing those kidnappers, so I can see that being for the purpose of a direct parallel where Eren pressured the kid with the fez to stand up for himself.

I think Eren saved Fez-kun of those guys, but then he will kill him later, showing his own hypocrisy (those guys can't do bad to a child but I can).

I expect his shard(s) to contrast the other previously unknown panel from 120: Historia’s shard was revealed to be yet another instance of Eren manipulating a friend by putting his desires above her own, thus robbing her of her free-will. I hope that Fez-kun symbolizes the "beauty in a cruel world"

It show that Eren just have an other plan and not just kill everyone for no reason???? Lest not be that blind :) what esle u want to understund thats an option too? you want isayama to told u?

maybe eren intends for some people to escape when he announced the rumbling which allows people to prepare themselves, idk.

Eren will save their family and he told Fez to lead his family to a certain location that the rumbling won't reach?

What are all these crappy options? He represents Eren’s journey to changing his viewpoint about everyone being an enemy, as he told Reiner.

Just thought he was part of the collage of events, no further meaning.

Who’s Fez-kun

SWIMMING TITANS?

88% of you welcome your Swimming Titan overlords, but 12% aren’t so convinced - there’s a pretty even chance it’s because the image is just too absurd, too terrifying, or a pants-wetting combination of both.

SWIMMING TITANS

swimming titans

Seeing those colossal titans was crazy

The panel of the titan swimming underneath that ship haunts me in my dreams.

HELL YEAH FUCKING SWIMMING TITANS

WHEN THE MILITARY SIGHTS ERENSAURUS AT THE END, RATHER THAN CALLING IT THE FOUNDING TITAN OR EREN JAEGER, THEY RECOGNISE IT AS THE ATTACK TITAN. WHY?

Despite the threat of Eren Jaeger previously being referred to by name or as “the Founding Titan”, this chapter encapsulated the horror of the allied forces as they recognised it as the Attack Titan. The plurality (40.3%) is that this was just for the purpose of Isayama being able to drop a “Shingeki no Kyojin” in this climactic chapter, though a close second option (34%) is that there is historical information to distinguish the Attack Titan from the others. 15.2% of you believe the Attack Titan is the Titan Bogeyman for Marleyans, and 10.4% attribute the naming to the fact that it’s attacking them, duh.

I think the Maryleans/World Forces knew it was the Attack Titan bc of the Eldians in Marley (like Annie's dad) warning them ahead of time. I think once they realized The Rumbling was happening, they asked for more deets from the folks who heard Eren's message in the Path's Realm.

I wonder why the rest of the world was only using Mikasa ships instead of various ships lol

IT CAN'T BE STOPPED ANYMORE

NOW THAT WE FINALLY GOT TO SEE EREN'S SPINE-CHILLING (BADUM-TSS) FORM, WHAT DID YOU THINK?

This manga has turned into a horror show, and y’all seem to be loving it, according to over fifty percent. Thirty percent are aghast at the sight before them, and nearly a tenth of you don’t really know what to think of the Grim Reaper titan yet. Some of you wanted something more fully formed, but this creepy crawly is freaky enough, isn’t it? Let’s just be glad none of us live in Marley right now.

My jaw dropped when I saw Eren’s titan form. Horrific.

I love Erensaurus a lot. This chapter gave the same level of anxiety that Zeke's attack in Shiganshina gave me. Good

YEAH EREN IS SCARY AS FUCK I LOVE IT MORE FREEDOM MORE FREEDOM MORE FREEDOM

Eren's titan looks a little like the earth devil

Did Eren pick the design of his new Titan or did Ymir just give it to him?

Really interested in where it is going especially because Eren's Titan got lips which could be an indicator for it to have the ability to speak

Eren’s Founding Titan form looks like something out of Silent Hill

I'm not saying anything about Eren's titan. What even the actual fuck, Yams

Oh lawd he comin

WHY IS EREN'S CURRENT TITAN FORM A SKELETON WITH NO FLESH?

Eren is looking awfully spooky right now. That’s a good sign, isn’t it? I guess looking like a death metal album cover is better than looking like whatever Rod Reiss was supposed to be. 34.9% figure that as this is probably the largest titan ever, it’s just too big for flesh. It’s not like PATHS sand is infinite, after all. 34.6% think that the form is incomplete because of the missing titan powers; this is only a third of his potential scariness! 23% think there’s no real reason he looks like this. Not an in-story reason anyway. Finally, 7.6% think Eren is still not done forming this devilish beast.

Eren's upper skeleton body thing looks like wings of freedom...

The reason Eren's body was like this, if he was muscular, he would radiate a lot of heat, so the Allience's couldn't reach him. But now, no muscle, no heat. They can reach easily.

Eren's form is creepy as hell! I also think he might be dead/dying/the titan now.

Seriously, how the fuck does Eren's Titan move?

When a shifter generates a titan body, they need to have a special task or purpose in mind. Is Eren's titan meant to be a bridge between Paradis Island and the continent?

WHAT IS ISAYAMA TRYING TO SAY WITH THE PUPPET-LIKE MOTIF OF EREN'S TITAN?

Many have noticed the puppet-like strings connecting Eren’s torso and head to his stegosaurus spikes in the final panel (though not in the first shot we get of Eren -- we’ll just ignore that), but what does it mean? Him being a slave to himself (38%) just edged out him being a slave to fate (36.7%), with a slim minority (3.3%) believing Ymir could be the true puppeteer. Of course, there are the 21.9% of you who are remaining steadfast in the belief that Eren is NOT a slave, he is FREE.

He is a slave to the future memories and instead of trying to find a different way, he is convincing himself that this is what he wants from the start to compensate for how little freedom he has.

He's trying to justify to himself that he isn't a slave

Eren is a slave to that sweet sweet feeling of self-righteous rage.

Ymir might be acting through Eren.

I think eren has become a vessel for ymir and it's ymirs will that we're hearing.

WHERE IS EREN'S HUMAN BODY MOST LIKELY RESIDING?

The results for this are a mixed bag, with the three most popular answers extremely close in votes. It’s most agreed upon (29.1%) that Eren has no human form, and has merged with the Titan on some level, with a close second (28.8%) being him being separated from the Titan but not in the conventional sense, and using the Warhammer Titan power to operate it from the ocean. 27.9% of you believe he is in the standard position of the nape, and only 14.2% of you believe the head of the Attack Titan could be his true location.

So, does Eren now only have his head left or was he fully healed thanks to Ymir?

where is Eren (No,not his titan)? There is no nape on that thing, just bone

I NEED TO KNOW HOW EREN IS TRANSPORTING HIMSELF

THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH CHILD EREN'S DETERMINATION TO "DESTROY THEM" OVERLAPPING WITH ADULT EREN COMMANDING THE RUMBLING. WHICH STATEMENT IS THE MOST ACCURATE REGARDING THIS COMPARISON?

This curious panelling choice ends the chapter, giving us a peek at Eren’s inner monologue – but in true Isayama fashion it’s not clear exactly what it means. 45.6% believe it shows that Eren hasn’t fundamentally changed the way he views the world, his will and titan powers giving him the means to influence it. 26.4% think it’s a reminder of Eren’s tragic tendency to believe that peace cannot exist without the complete elimination of an opposing force. 16.8% think it demonstrates Eren’s willing or unwilling continuation of the cycle of hatred and revenge. Finally, 9.1% think there’s a hint here that Eren’s childhood self was cursed with thoughts from his future mind.

ALL OF THE ABOVE

All of the above, minus the P A T H S.

I hate eren do the same thing as what he had been through

It's Eren's tendency to lose himself to the desire for vengeance, which in the mange is always depicted as leading to a catastrophe in the end.

His childhood trauma comes back to him when he sees a loved one die / about to die and feels the powerlessness of having been unable to do anything because of being weak. Then pain and anger return for this reason

It's a parallel showing his determination to fight back against those who would deny he and his comrades their freedom.

It is once again Eren reassuring himself he's doing what's right, by telling himself that the cycle of hatred is what's causing this and that he needs to break it

The thoughts are child Eren, simply overlapping with the current situation. It may not be adult Eren’s thoughts.

THIS BITCH CRAZY.

I just want to say that the history is repeating its self . What we thought it was the past it's actually the future

He is using this memory of his mother being eaten to motivate himself, like a main drive. It's not the first time. Anger/Rage was always the main drive that he used to keep fighting/seeking for freedom

This is already similar to some of the options presented, but I like the idea that this is showing deep down he is driven by his childlike rage, and as much as he tries to convince himself it's for his friends, he really just wants to revel in violence because he's broken and he thinks wiping everyone out is the only way he will be at peace.

THIS CHAPTER ALSO PRESENTED US WITH TWO ALMOST DICHOTOMIC MOTIVATIONS FOR EREN, BETWEEN LOVE FOR HIS FRIENDS AND HATE FOR THE ENEMY, BUT WHICH DO YOU BELIEVE IS THE STRONGER DRIVING FORCE?

The two most powerful and conflicting emotions driving Eren right now have the fanbase somewhat split over what pushes him further. It seems that most are optimistic about Eren’s prime motivation being the wellbeing of his friends at 59.7%. Meanwhile 40.3% believe that Eren’s love for his friends has been eclipsed by the roiling hatred and thirst for vengeance within him. Even at this point in the story, it’s hard to be absolutely certain – safe to say Eren is a real menace when he feels this strongly about anything.

I feel like I finally fully understand Eren's mindset, even though there is probably still more to his POV. He just wants his friends to be happy and live long lives, so he had to push them away especially after Sasha's death.

This chapter Eren can't disentangle love from fear/hate/loss due to what happened to his mother, which is why his feelings about his friends now manifest so destructively.

Eren's memory chain went from remembering his friends smiling, to Sasha's death and Fez-kun being beat up, and eventually to his mother's death and his vow to kill all titans, showing that deep down he knows his motivation to protect his friends is bullshit and that his "enemies" are mostly innocents, but he keeps moving forward due to hatred and revenge.

Eren has never healed his trauma. It was "eating" him slowly and turned him into this he hated the most - a devilish monster.

I think the chapter settled very well that revenge surpass even his wish of protect his friends

The transition to Eren's pov and the fact we didn't learn anything new beside some basic confirmations, is really strange. And if Eren ends killing the friends he wanted to protect, he will be a complete disappointment. I really am afraid of SnK's ending.

"I want my friends to live long happy lives" he says after treating them like shit, breaking their spirit, and partially ruining their home island with millions of titans. I hope he doesn't act surprised when they show up to stop him (assuming they can catch up of course).

I don't believe the word "animals" align with Eren's current perspective, nor how he sees his "enemies". He holds the same ideals as he did as a child, but realises the nuance of his enemies and how people on both sides are ultimately the same. He just believes this radical action is the only necessary way to end an unstoppable inter-generational conflict in his lifetime so these problems aren't handed down to future generations anymore.

he's being driven both by hatred and love, but right now his rage is winning and he's using the safety of his friends and Eldia as an excuse to appease his conscience.

ON A SCALE FROM "SECRET PLAN" TO "KILL 'EM ALL", WHERE DO YOU STAND ON EREN'S TRUE INTENTIONS?

This chapter all but confirmed that Eren indeed plans to wipe out the entire outside world for most of the fandom. The majority are skewed towards the opinion of Eren definitely rumbling everything, with less and less respondents holding onto hope that Eren has an alternate plan.

Eren wants this rumbling and he's ready to sacrifice others to get what he wants, even his friends.

I gotta say, I thought Eren would've had a real plan that wasn't just massacring everyone else on the planet. I was already against the plan, but I suspected he'd walk the other side of the ocean and then announce to the world that the existence of titans was no more and destroy all the titans as proof, and all the shifters would just be normal people again.

His goal is to wipe the titans out of this world, and not to flatten it.

I support the rumbling, cause Marley deserved this by trying to eliminate Paradis, but at the same time there are so many good people there(including eldians themselves) that haven't done anything wrong. Military and leaders of marley should be eliminated, but not the poor people that had no choice.

This hateful world is needed to be purged and I support Eren for this. And when Rumbling is over that beast piece of sh** must die by Levi's hand.

I thought eren had a secret plan for the rumbling but after getting his pov this chapter looks like he really is going for it

Somehow, I can't shake off the feeling that we still haven't seen 100% of Eren's plan, there is still some twist waiting. I am not trying to justify Eren's current actions, it's more like ""if there is something that will throw this whole scenario upside down it better come up soon, because right now IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD"".

I want to believe thtat Eren has a secret plan in the rumbling but the chapter says that this is what he wanted, he had always been like this, he was always “free” sadly, he’s enslaved by his beliefs of freedom that he resorts to these drastic measures.

I think that this chapter confirms two things: one, the Rumbling is Eren's true plan [...] BUT two, there is "something beyond that hell", which is the "scenery" Eren says he saw in ch. 121. I think it's the endgame after the Rumbling is stopped (no way is it going to be completed), and it's what caused both Grisha and Historia to go along with his plan in the end even though they didn't agree with it and thought it was awful. Eren's "everything is still ahead" and the weird cut in Historia's flashback are too... strange and seem to point to this being a game changer and the final plot point of the series.

If the rumble will succeed, then I've spent 7 chapters seeing characters do nothing to accomplish nothing. I don't wanna feel my time wasted.

I unironically want Eren to kill everyone outside the walls. Nuff said.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THE REPEATED BIRD IMAGERY?

Birds are a focal point of this chapter, with the combination of a four-panel tracking of a soaring seagull and a flash of a memory of some nearby geese. The majority of respondents (62.5%) believe the birds simply tie into the theme of, and likely Eren’s motivation of freedom. In a distant second (20.9%) is the answer that it relates to the idea of everyone being connected under the same sky, a fitting motif amidst this chapter’s exploration of the conflict as well as unity of different groups. 12.7% of you are hopping on board the “Eren is a bird now” train, and 4% of you just really don’t like birds.

The two birds from the Paths panels appear in episode 1 of the anime iirc, not sure about the manga though.

Eren is bird confirmed thank <°^°>

I like the Bird Theory that says he’s transferring his consciousness to a bird. yeah it sounds a bit odd but it’s interesting and I’m willing to accept anything at this point

The birds are secret surveillance cameras

I like birds

idk man this shit is confusing as hell.as for falco thing i think eren has become the bird. anything can happen at this point.

Eren is the Eagle we see in the chapter 91 that Falco says to fly away lmao

�� THIS CHAPTER HAD SOME AMAZING ART, SHOWCASED IN THE MANY DOUBLE SPREADS (EXACTLY 9... OH GOD WHAT DOES IT MEAN ISAYAMA??) WHICH WAS YOUR FAVORITE DOUBLE SPREAD?

Whether it was the break back in May, or Isayama’s dedication to highlighting this chapter’s importance, the art has definitely taken a step up and blown us all away. Though it is very split, the final double spread showcasing the commencing of the rumbling garnered the most votes (18.2%). At second (15.7%) was the imposing silhouettes of colossal titans rising from the ocean, and at a very close third (15.5%) was the very next spread, of these titans wiping out the battleships as casually as if they were wading through seaweed. If there’s one thing to make of this from what the winners have in common, we have all definitely been waiting to see the rumbling for a while.

Isayama's improvement as an artist it's inspirational.

the art is god tier

Those Rumbling pages are so gorgeous they make me wanna say "Kill them all, Eren ! Destroy the fucking world !"

Mappa has their work cut out for themselves

MAPPA's fucked lol I hope they're up to the task.

That Attack Titan spread has the single GREATEST bit of shading in this entire manga.

Solid Art, phenomenal design and usage of double spreads

I just wanted to add that this is visually one of the most beautiful chapters I've seen in a while. The colossals, holy shit. I can't wait to see this animated. All of those double-page spreads were pretty fantastic but I have to say there's nothing quite like the chill that runs down your spine when you see all those colossals emerging from the smoke and the mist, where you see for the first time how huge and terrible they are (and also when you realise the first line of defense is already down). I had legit goosebumps.

CHAPTER 130 MARKS THE END OF A VOLUME, WHICH HAS BEEN FILLED WITH ALLIANCE-FOCUSED CHAPTERS. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS NOW THAT WE'VE FINALLY RETURNED TO EREN?

After six consecutive chapters focusing on the alliance with no Eren, the majority of you (57.6%) are relieved to finally move beyond the alliance, though have enjoyed the recent chapters, with 20.4% being completely over the alliance. 7.4% say they were originally sceptical but the chapters did well to make the alliance likeable to them, and 14.6% are open to more chapters just focused on the alliance.

Please for the love of God more of this and less of the alliance, the alliance was so rushed and as it's continued it hasn't been developed much further beyond plot convenience. The less of that I have to read before I get to read amazing stuff like 130 the better

i wanted more on the alliance, not flashbacks smh

it was something enjoyable after a while. Especially 126 made me grimace all over the volume till 130 came up. Not saying I was waiting for Eren but it was so cheesy.

Eren chapters are written worse than Alliance ones

This chapter single handedly made up for the below average, cringe-inducing chapters 126-129 Alliance bullshit. I have faith Isayama will create a very satisfying ending for this series now.

This chapter was legit a great way to end the volume off, it truly feels like its really the beginning of the end

DESCRIBE THIS CHAPTER IN ONE WORD

The top 5 write-ins are below, followed by the average chapter score for each description. This months’ average chapter score was 4.59.

Amazing [4.89]

Epic [4.84]

Eren/Ereh [4.69]

Rumbling [4.46]

Confusing [3.88]

Honorable mention: Ragnarok

We’d also like to mention that there were a lot of write-ins related to genitals and coitus… seems like y’all were really hyped up by that first fanlation >.>

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER?

Despite this chapter theoretically giving us everything we had hoped for in a while, the responses show that we still want to have WAY MORE answers (34.6%), MORE Historia (16.9%) and MORE rumbling action (14.5%). We’d also like to know where on earth Zeke is and if Floch is going to be the little troublemaker that we know and have strong feelings about. Will the boat make it to Odiha? Will Levi do a thing? Stay tuned!

There's still some mystery that have yet to answer and I want answers

Where the fuck is Zeke

WHERE. IS. LEVI.

i want more eren, historia and zeke. They're interesting. I don't care about the alliance.

"Zekey-dekey-doo, where are you?" ...I'm so done with you guys.

need update on zeke and historia's situation.

I want it to end soon #TeamEren

I expect in the next chapter something more around the alliance and maybe (hopefully) Floch's comeback!

Enough of Hisu, she is just a side character.

Want more Rumbling

All I can say is, I'm beyond anxious to see how the series ends, and it's eating me up inside.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES?

Most of our lovely respondents are rambunctious Redditors as usual, followed by a fair few from the flock on Twitter, distinguished Discorders, and discussors who want for nothing. Then there are some ravishing real-lifers, titillating Tumblrites, ...aaaand the rest (you’re all great). We’re still side-eyeing you Snapchatters though.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

Honestly I just wanna let it out, but not on google Poll for obvious reasons

Not about the chapter... but you guys always come up with funny answers that I feel compelled to chose even if it’s not really what I think. I love to answer this. Thank you!

Zeke the relationship expert, huh?

This chapter went through far too many dodgy translations for its own good, and even the official typeset had one big mistake in it even though it conveyed the mood of the convo between Eren and Historia far better than all the others.

this is all so confusing I miss erwin

I don't want genocide to be how this ends. I believe Isayama doesn't intend a story this complex to send a message that genocide is great. Considering some of the mindscrews he's already pulled via Paths, I'm hoping the best mindscrew is yet to come.

Reiner was a snacc

Historia the Antifascist Queen

This is the best chapter

this series is so great man

This whole chapter was a certified Bruh moment (in a good way)

This whole chapter was about Eren dehumanising. And he killed his mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he'll eventually want to kill all Eldians and his friends either.

Loved everything except for Historian's forced reluctant pregnancy.

Here's to 3 more weeks

I hope Eren doesn’t love anyone from the series.

I feel like Isayama is still increasing the pressure to help his final plot twist, I’m still lost as I really don’t agree with Eren’s actions while I see the fandom going crazy over him. Maybe I missed something, maybe I’m wrong, maybe I don’t fully understand Eren. This chapter felt good, I don’t hate the Alliance because they’re part of what I think is the right choice for humanity, but we all honestly wanted to know Eren’s thoughts or a bit of it, as we didn’t see him for a while. English isn’t my first language I’m sorry in advance, loved your poll

I honestly have no idea what's going to happen and the whole time I was reading it I was internally screaming.

Ok I know Ymir (the lesbian) has been dead for years but I miss her so much. She was the dad. Forget Farmer-kun, forget Eren, it was all Ymir.

okay no offense but where’s Levi ☹️

One big tease of erens pov and who the father is

One of the best chapter I ever read! Love it!

Didn't expect the Eren POV but welcomed it anyway. We now have confirmation he wanted everything that happened to happen and even the implication he orchestrated the death of his own mother. That's very tasty

Eren's pov has been hidden for too long and right now I don't think the payoff is worth it

eren exhibits bird behavior & he killed his mom 😕

Eren is a bird confirmed or some shit

Eren later takes Ymir's place in Paths as a sacrifice for many years to fix everything, learning everything he needs by traveling around as, say, birds, as needed to send to his past self to guarantee "that scenery"

Eren is in control of more than we previously thought and this shows evidence of a timeloop scenario

Eren can see the future and can probably manipulate the pure titans at different points in time like the Founder does. It's also likely he's gonna fuse with more shifters to visit other pieces of memory.

Eren is able to use the full power of the FT, that why he can see not only his own memories, but also the memories of other Eldians. All of them are connected to him after all.

He will turn into a bird in the end

So exited that we finally got to see Eren in his Founding Titan-like form!!!! Can’t wait for next month (AoT fan from Japan)

Enjoyed the chapter due to a return to debating the morality of the Rumbling, and seeing it in progress. Also tend to enjoy interaction between Eren and Historia. However, I think the chapter is slightly let down by being cryptic. It's hard to tell what is going on with Eren due to how scenes from this issue and others can be interpreted.

nah mate do people actually read this?

This chapter marks something that has changed everyone's thoughts. Not just about Eren, but Annie, Historia, Zeke, etc. We heard them speak differently, and got a few answers to our questions. We got to see that Annie does indeed have emotions. That Historia did not want this. That Annie never really wanted to kill, nor does she want to anymore. That Zeke actually cared for Eren. That the father is most likely farmer-kun. It's one of the best chapters we've had. Each chapter we get, we get closer to the end of this wonderful story. I can't wait to see what Isayama has planned for in the final chapters. Truly hoping for the best!

reiner's tits dammit

Despite the devastation, I now feel like there is meaning hidden beneath the madness

Creepy and interesting chapter. The official translation confirms further that Eren is going to destroy the world. I’m hoping that the next volume shifts focus to Reiner a little more. I’m also excited for more loose ends to be cleared up.

Damn, only 5 more to go before the end of the greatest story of all time

Enjoyed it but I’m really hoping for some more insight into what’s going on with both eren and historia, I’m not a huge fan of the pregnancy subplot

eren just wants to see if marleyans are made of cake

Eren makes the most amazing villain ever. Will go down as one of my favorite characters ever if the story ends how I hope it will.

Everyone forgets Historia saw her dad’s memories without eating him, without being a shifter, and without touching Eren. We’re still waiting for the payoff...

Fantastic chapter, though it felt really short

Floch was Eren's lieutenant all along, he was his representative, and his actions are therefore Eren's responsability all the same. Get fucked those who didn't want to believe that Eren would consciously choose Floch, believe in him or to set things up for Eren in Paradis.

I'd like it if the Ackerbond was not as supernatural as it was claimed before. Not because of EreMika, MikaHisu would be much better than both options of this chapter. Now we know that Levi or Kenny's loyalty were real, and it warms my heart. Also, my bastard wasn't lying! He knew about the plan.

It confirmed everything we already knew: Historia didn't support Eren's plan, Ackerman weren't slaves, Mikasa's feelings for Eren doesn't have to do with the fact she's an Ackerman and the fandom is stupid for still believing Eren is the father despite him literally telling Zeke that he can't answer Mikasa's feelings, because he only has 4 years left to live.

My heart was beating so hard during Eren and Historia's conversation because I just couldn't believe we were actually seeing her again, it had been 2 years since we got anything this relevant from her and I also just really wanted Isayama to get on with it and tell us who the damm father was so that we could finally move on to other things. I still don't believe it's Eren, but I'm done with that theory, man. No more teasing, please. Two years is far more than enough.

Chapters like this one, which perfectly captures the culmination of Eren's entire journey, make me glad to be alive at this moment in time to experience Isayama's masterpiece. I'm not ready for this story to end in just one more volume.

The ending of this story will not be a gentle tapping of the brakes but a screeching halt followed by hydroplaning and crashing into a ditch

What if the rumbling is all one big sex reveal party for Historia's baby and the Colossal Titans are arranging all the corpses into a female symbol or something.

For 8 months I have been waiting for Eren Jaeger. My favorite fictional character ever. He comes back in best way possible, wow.

Great chapter, too bad half of this dumb fandom misunderstood it and are falsely claiming it confirmed Eren as the father. *facepalm*

Obligatory mention that eren is a manipulative bastard and is a little too far gone in his goal

Ambiguity: The chapter. More questions than answers, no way this ends in 4 chapters. Overall we are all going "Wuh?" like Historia after this chapter.

We are being fucked with.

I cry, eren has been one of my favourite characters in the AoT universe

I didn't think it was possible for Eren to get any worse, but he always manages to surprise me.

I don't care about eremika or erehisu. I just need my rivaere (: haha

i don't care for the alliance and the ship-baiting was making me weary. I just want more eren, zeke and historia. They're the interesting ones.

‏I don't know what the end will be but i know it will be sad ending!..We all suffer and I mean the world of AOT and the fans who read manga... I will accept all probabilities and the death of heroes, but please do not make Mikasa kill Eren..I mean after all this love that will kill him .. I read many analyzes of the possibility of this happening and I see it as a very bad and irrational end..It is not logical at all..If you did it, the AOT would be one of the worst deeds and to the landfill..Isayama If you have suffered a lot in your life and childhood, we have also suffered in our lives, but please do not bring this suffering into the AOT world

I dont want this to end @ isayama

I hated what direction this story was taking, now I really hate it.

I just feel Isayama hasn't answered so much stuff yet and has also raised the stakes so high that I can't possibly imagine how the story will end. I believe Mikasa's slowly been established as the character who will defeat Eren, but I have no idea how she'll do it... But at least there were beautiful Mikannie crumbs, so I'm happy af and hope they'll have more scenes together now that Annie's about to give up (I mean, there are parallels™ everywhere when it comes to our wonderful lost girls...)

I just hope it's building up to a really good ending.

i just wanna know what's gona happen next man this shit be driving me crazy

I love everything! I hope floch dies though

I love you eren

I need answers!!!

I need Zook back

I really hope this series doesn’t end with a message like “genocide is necessary for peace” I hope someone stops Eren

I really loved the art and double spreads, and seeing Eren's POV after a while

I think it's the 2nd best chapter we've gotten this arc. The 1st being 123. I loved it. I also think it's putting to rest the secret plan theories regarding Eren. I've made my final prediction for the series. I think it's a tragedy that will end in Eren destroying the world & manipulating everyone's memories except for Historia & Mikasa & a new age for humanity will begin.

I'm so glad my girl's back, but I'm confused as hell. There's definitly more to her meeting with Eren and her choosing to be pregnant, we'll see. Also Zook being a love conselor and having a Ackerman phd was hilarious, I love him even more. Erefloch canon.

If he wanted to protect his friends why didn’t he just forge some Marleyan passport/citizenships for them, god wtf

If you think about it we actually didn’t learn anything that wasn’t already heavily implied

im shook

Isayama gave more than i wanted my heart can't take it.

it was very good thank you for asking

It's finally moving forward (as isayama likes to say)

It’s a good chapter but I still with doubts.

JUST DO IT EREN

Just wanna see ZEKE

Kiyoger Theory!!!!!

l'm glad we got to see a bit from Eren's POV. But I still need more answers ;_; why choose rumbling, Eren??? not looking for justification for his actions here but i just want to know /why/ he did it. Still feel like theres a missing link somewhere tbh.. I just hope the ending of snk wont be a disaster like game of thrones where Daenerys' switch came out of nowhere. At this point I just want the series to end asap, the tension build up is killing me lol.

Leaks for 131 when?

Let’s get rrready to RUMBLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Loved seeing the rumbling but I wish we could have gotten more character driven moments

Loved this chapter! I'm glad we finally got to learn more of Eren's POV and finally learn what was Historia's role in all of this (or at least beginning to learn her involvement in the plan). Seeing him initiate the Rumbling was epic. The destruction is about to begin!

my brain is too small to understand some of these theories

Now we know that Eren and Floch just pretending to follow Zeke's plan ever since from the beginning but I want to gain more explanations of Eren's secret plan

Oddly placed Eren flashback, but I'll take it

Something's up. I'm still not convinced we can take any of this at face value.

So many flashbacks were a bit hard to follow, but it really seems like the series is gonna end soon and I’m a bit nervous about how well any ending will play out

thank you Isayama for this masterpiece

THE ART IS JUST AMAZING but for me its so short 😭😭😭

That Eren with mid long hair is baby

the alliance has come together way too fast and theyve only really had 1 dispute so far. there needs to be more conflict to make it more realisitic. I think annie saying that they won't be able to/don't want to kill eren is foreshadowing this.

the Art is amazing but flashback scenes were a little mess

The chapter was full of messy memories, so it symbolized Eren's brain well :)

I think that now I understand Eren better. I used to believe he had some secret plan, but the true was always there - Eren is not any master mind. His plan was simple - destroy the whole world. The trauma he had after losing his mother has never been healed. It was always in him, growing bigger and bigger. He still cares about his friends, but he is also lying to himself saying that ""he is doing the rumbling because he wants to see them having long, happy life"". He is doing it because his hatred to the ones who are responsible for Carla's death took control over his heart. Eren is adult, young man but deep down he is still the same, hurt crying child who bears painful memories of losing his mother.

The cycle of war and hatred is saddening. This ain't something fictional, it's something we have always been observing from the earliest human consciousness :(

We all got a big storm comin

We are NOT ready for this shit

we need annie to live longer pls

Well here’s our proof eren is actually going through with the rumbling.

What it would feel like to be Eren right now

what kind of eva BULLSHIT

what the hell is going ON

Where is Floch

where is LEVI

Wheres zeke?

Yams, you're so diabolic. You just want to make the real-life's rumbling with all that "confusing' ship tease xD

Yooooo, we need more explanation about maybe, everything? But amazing and bomb ass chapter though

#snk polls #snk poll #snk poll results #snk chapter 130 #snk 130

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ohemgeeitscoley · 5 years ago

Text

Rey doesn't think when she calls Ben to go into her emails to send off her draft email with her final to her professor.

It isn't until she's off the phone that she remembers all the other draft emails are to him and vary from confessing her love to him and describing in detail what exactly she wants to do to his body.

No, Rey didn't think this through at all.

These letters to you (1/1)

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Rey/Ben Solo (Reylo)

Note: This came from this prompt from the ReylosPrompt Twitter account.

Curious Cat Prompt: "Ben finds a draft on Rey’s email addressed to him confessing her love and lust for him."

@andyouweremine and @storiesofimagination are some of the best betas a girl could ever ask for. They make sure that my tenses stay correct and reassure me the entire time that I’m writing. They are the best cheerleaders and I wouldn’t know what to do without them. <3

Read below or on AO3.

Please pick up. Please pick up. If there is any sort of fairness in the galaxy, please pick up your fucking phone--

"Hello?" Ben's voice is low, deeper than usual. It's his mostly asleep voice. Rey hates that she has thought enough about the variances of Ben's voice to know the different tones almost as much as she hates the fact that a sleepy Ben Solo is almost always her favorite version of Ben.

Ben had been one of the first people Rey had met when she transferred in as a sophomore. He had been in his first year at the law school. They both fought for the right to study under a specific tree toward the edge of the campus. It was quiet, far enough away from the hot spots to really attract much attention or noise. The leaves were big and provided plenty of shade from the sun. The ground was soft and mostly free of any large rocks or bouts of even landscaping.

It was Rey's favorite spot.

They fought over the tree for two months, both of them refusing to leave and each attempting to annoy the other into giving the spot up. It didn't take long for them to realize that when they were just sitting under the tree, quietly, together studying, it wasn't so bad.

It was actually nice, not being alone.

Rey moved into Ben's apartment the following fall and they'd been best friends ever since.

Rey's fairly certain she's been in love with him for roughly the same amount of time.

Not that she has the time to be getting lost down that particular rabbit hole.

"Thank God, you answered," Rey responds, twisting the cord of the phone around one of her fingers. Everything about the diner she works at is a little bit kitschy and old, but having to make a call on a phone actually attached to a wall with cords is a whole different experience. "I'm so sorry I woke you up. I know you were up late studying."

"Rey?" Ben asks while yawning. Rey can hear him shuffle around in his bed. "It's not even 6 AM, is everything okay?"

"You answered," Rey smiles, hoping Ben knows that she is practically beaming at him through the phone. "Everything is going to be fine. My final paper is due at 6. On the dot. I was too nervous to send it last night when I finished it. I was going to send it in this morning, after I had a chance to at least look over it for grammar and spelling, but I'm me and I--"

"Slept through your first four alarms and barely made it out the door for work?" Ben interrupts.

"Yes." Rey sighs, rolling her eyes. "Anyways. You know I can't use my cell at work, I'm probably going to get shit for this call, and you're the only number I have memorized. So I really, really need you to get on my computer, go to my email and send in my paper. I have a draft saved and everything. All you have to do is get in my drafts folder and hit send."

"Sure," Ben agrees. "Password for your laptop?"

"Capital d-y-at sign-d-hashtag-number 3-exclamation point."

"I'm on it." Rey can hear Ben's door open, the same squeak sounding over the phone that she complains about every night when he's anxious from studying and walks back and forth from his room to the kitchen every twenty minutes. "Consider it done."

"You're the best roommate, slash friend, slash just all around hero of my life," Rey blushes, stopping just short of adding 'probably the love of my life' at the end of her sentence. Thinking about her feelings for Ben is definitely a rabbit hole she is better off to avoid. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"It's the least I can do if I'm really the only phone number you have memorized."

"It's 2020, Ben," Rey teases. "The fact that I have your number memorized is really impressive."

"Why mine?"

Rey can hear water running in the background, a cabinet opening and a drawer shutting. Rey hates that she can clearly see Ben in their kitchen, making coffee, probably with a slightly grumpy look on his face because Rey knows that she put the grinder and the filters back in the wrong spot. She hates it the same way she hates knowing that Ben won't say anything about the misplaced items to her, and that if she were home he would make her cup of coffee first.

The way Ben always takes care of her first drives Rey crazy most days.

"I figure the only time I'm ever going to need to call someone without having access to my phone would be in a real emergency. And you're the person I would want to call." Rey bites her lip, shaking her head as if she could shake away how vulnerable she sounds to her own ears. "Or, if I've been arrested. And if that's the case, you're the only lawyer I know."

Ben snorts. "I have to actually finish next semester and pass the bar to be a real lawyer."

"You're going to pass," Rey gently reminds him. It's the same conversation they've been having since the beginning of the year. "And then you're going to kick legal ass all over New York."

Ben's laugh is warm. "You should go back to work, don't worry about your paper. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't. Text me what you want for dinner. I'll pick it up on my way home from my last final."

Rey hangs the phone back up on the wall and walks back out into the diner. She smiles, grabbing a rag to wipe down the front counter. Her nerves finally calm knowing that Ben wouldn't let her down and she no longer had to worry about failing one of her last classes.

Ben would just go into her draft emails and send the email on to her professor.

Into her draft emails.

Her draft emails.

Fuck.

***

Ben is not surprised when he opens Rey's email and sees that she has 37 draft emails. It's honestly exactly what he expects.

He blows across the top of his mug, watching as the steam from the cup scatters. The coffee's still too hot to drink, but it's 5:57 in the morning and Ben's only had 2 hours of sleep.

If he survives law school and passes the bar, Ben is going to need a three week long nap.

Taking a drink from the mug, Ben grimaces as the too hot liquid burns his tongue and throat, and yet at the same time warms his soul. Ben opens the draft emails, seeing the one at the top to Rey's professor. It's easy enough to look at, make sure that there's an attachment attached and that Rey's message isn't full of 2 AM Rey snark.

It's sent by 5:59.

Ben's glad that he woke up to his phone going off and that he answered. Usually, answering unknown numbers isn't something Ben does, but he's always a little more cautious when Rey is gone and it's a local number. Just in case.

Answering a spam call and wasting 5 seconds but knowing Rey is fine is worth it.

Everything about the call fell into the 'reasons to tell Rey about his feelings' column in the pro/con list he kept in his mind. Rey had his number memorized in case of emergencies.

Somehow Rey Johnson had decided that he was worthy and could be trusted to be someone she could rely on.

And for Rey, with all of the abandonment issues Ben knows about, to trust him to be there for her… it means more than Ben can say.

Falling completely in love with his best friend was not on his list of things to complete before finishing law school.

Though he thinks it might be the most worthwhile thing he's done in the three years. If he wasn't absolutely terrified of Rey not feeling the same way and ruining their friendship, Ben knows that loving her, being loved by her… that would be the honor of a lifetime.

Tilting his head back, Ben reaches for his mug and takes another drink. These are the kinds of thoughts that Ben knows he cannot dwell on so early and on such little sleep. He's going to fuck up one day and send her a text message confessing that he does actually reorganize their kitchen cabinets sometimes just because he thinks that the way she scrunches her nose when she's confused and angry is the cutest thing in the world.

Maybe he'll just text her that he loves her and not in a friend way. But in a ‘very real, very romantic, wants to take her on dates, and make her toes curl in pleasure’ kind of way.

Which is why Ben needs to go back to bed and try to sleep before studying again. His last final is tomorrow and if he isn't smart enough to list ten reasons why texting Rey about how pretty he thinks her freckles are in the sunlight, well, he has no idea how he's going to pass his trademarks and false advertising final.

Ben is just starting to close the laptop when he sees his email on one of the draft emails. He knows that he shouldn't snoop in Rey's draft emails, but it's addressed to him and it's probably just a dumb meme that she forgot to hit send on.

Because Rey sends Ben a lot of dumb memes. It's one of the things he loves about her.

Ben pushes the screen up and is stunned to find that there are a bunch of emails to him.

Before he can think his way out of doing it, Ben opens the first email.

Dear Ben:

I came home early from work and you were shirtless and exercising in the living room

First: rude.

Second: I've decided it's unfair for you to ever wear shirts and you should be shirtless all the time

Third: actually, no one else needs to know about this gross injustice and you should only not wear shirts around me

Fourth: have you always been so... big?

Fifth: I need to go to bed and think more about this.

Yours,

Rey

Ben takes a deep breath. That was not a dumb meme.

That was the furthest thing from a dumb meme.

Ben slowly releases his breath, closing out of the draft email. He should stop. He knows he should shut down Rey’s computer and that he absolutely should not open another draft email to him.

But he needs to know what else they say. For the first time in three years, there's a spark of hope inside Ben that maybe Rey feels something for him. So he looks down the list of drafts and opens one from 6 months ago on his birthday.

Ben,

It's your birthday. I know you aren't comfortable with attention being solely focused on you, but I'm so glad that you seemed to be enjoying yourself tonight.

You deserve it. You're always so hard on yourself. I wish you could see you the way I see you. How kind and caring and thoughtful you can be. It never fails to amaze me, just how wonderful you really are.

You looked gorgeous. I had to stop myself from telling you just what seeing you in that suit did to me. I almost told you how badly I want you.

I drank too much. I hate that you thought you had to leave the club to make sure that I made it back home okay, but I also… God Ben, you are always taking care of me.

No one else has done that for me.

You got me in bed, made sure I could change out of my outfit (which did you like my outfit? I thought you looked like you appreciated it when I walked out of my room, but you didn't say anything. I mean of course you didn't say anything. But I hope you did. I wore it for you.) you even brought water and aspirin for me to take tomorrow morning when I wake up.

You kissed my forehead when you tucked me in.

I just want to kiss you.

Well, I want to do more than just kiss you. But kissing seems like a good place to start.

Which is how I ended up here. Reading all of these unsent emails to you. I almost hit send on the first one I wrote. My feelings for you haven't changed.

But I'm so so scared.

I am terrified Ben.

I can't lose you. You've become the one constant in my life and I don't know what I would do without you in it.

What if you don't feel the same way? What if I ruin everything?

I should go to bed. I just wish that I were in your arms instead of alone.

I'm so tired of being alone.

Anyways.

Happy birthday, Ben.

Yours,

Rey

Ben reads the email four times before it really clicks in his brain that Rey likes him. Rey has apparently liked him for at least six months, but maybe even longer since she referred to sending her first draft email and that her feelings hadn't changed.

Her feelings. For him.

His birthday had been the best birthday he could remember. Rey had planned the entire event. She had been so excited to celebrate him that it was hard not to embrace it.

Ben's birthdays usually consisted of a phone call from his parents, maybe lunch or dinner if they were in the same city, and a few text messages from others.

Rey woke him up with pancakes and waffles, because no one should have to choose between the two best breakfast foods on their birthday, and a detailed itinerary of all her ideas for the rest of the day.

She spent the entire day with him doing whatever he wanted to do. Watching his favorite movies, ordering lunch from his favorite restaurant, confirming with everyone the dinner plans and post-dinner drink plans she had made.

Ben had almost told Rey about his feelings for her that night. After reading her email, he wishes that he had.

How much time had they missed out on being together because they were both scared?

Ben shakes his head, he still isn't sure that this all is real. Maybe Rey hadn't really called and he is still asleep. Maybe this is all a dream.

He downs the last of the coffee in his mug, running a finger across the chip on the side.

Rey had tried throwing the mug out after she moved in, saying something about how they could just use his mugs. Ben had ignored her, placing the pastel colored mugs, chips and all, next to his glossy black ones in the cabinet. He told her the blue one was his favorite and it wasn't going anywhere.

The smile she had given him lit up the entire room.

He sets the mug back down on the table, scrolling down until he finds the first draft to him. I almost hit send on the first one I wrote. The email is dated the day before she moved in.

He opens it.

Ben,

I will probably never send this email, but I also don't know that I won't. I know that I want to send it. I want to be brave and to know the truth.

The thought of doing it is just scary though.

You know that you're my best friend right? It's hard for me to imagine a world without you in it, which for me is a lot. You haven't even been in my life for a year and you've already managed to make it so that I don't know what I'll do when you decide to leave.

That's what people do, Ben, they leave me.

It's just a fact in my life and knowing that, honestly, has kept me safe. I keep people at a distance, which wasn't hard growing up because I just bounced around from foster home to foster home and school to school. But now I'm here and I'm not going anywhere new anytime soon.

And then there's you.

For some reason, I believe you're not going anywhere either.

Which is scarier to me. I've never had anyone stay before. I don't know what to do with that.

A part of me needs to believe that you're going to leave. So when you do eventually move on and leave me behind it'll at least be something I knew was going to eventually happen.

Anyways. I've gotten really sidetracked here.

I've been going to therapy. Which you already know, since you're the one who kept telling me that it was something I should look into. Thanks for that by the way. You were right.

She suggested that I write letters to the people who have left or hurt me. Not to send, but to just, get my thoughts and feelings out of my head.

It helped.

Which is why I'm writing this email to you, even though I'll never be brave enough to send it. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about you, Ben. I need them out of my head.

I love you.

I am in love with you.

Not in a platonic way. In a very romantic way.

Almost everything you do drives me crazy and makes my heart warm and my face glow.

I want to kiss you and hold your hand. I want to find out if my head will fit in the crook of your neck when you hold me the way I think that it will. I want to commit the taste of your skin to my memory. I want to know the marks on your body better than I know my own. I want to know what you look like when you lose control and give into pleasure.

It's really apparent, I think, the way I feel about you.

Only you don't seem to notice. And I need to admit to myself that it's because you don't think of me that way.

Which is fine. I get it.

You're you… and I'm just, well, I'm just me.

But I'm moving in tomorrow and I just needed to get these thoughts out. Otherwise I'm a little worried I might just blurt it out when you help me wash the dishes or eat dinner with me. Which I'm sure sounds a little strange, but after a lifetime without these moments…

I imagine living with you is only going to make me fall more in love with you.

Maybe I'll just have to write you more.

Yours,

Rey

Ben doesn't bother to count how many times he rereads the email. He just keeps going back to the top as soon as he reads her name and starts again. He doesn't stop until he is sure he could repeat every word without looking at the screen.

And then he continues to read the email again, just to make sure.

Rey loves him.

Even with the words clearly on the screen for Ben to see, it's hard for him to believe. He's been in love with Rey since before she moved in. The idea that Rey has felt the same way the entire time doesn't make sense.

Ben is objectively smart. He isn't even shy about his intelligence. In fact any given classmate of his would likely describe him as an insufferable know it all. Rey loving him without Ben catching on for over two years is inconceivable. He would have noticed. He would have seen the signs. Certainly he would--

He reads the email again. And again. And again.

Every time he tries to find a way to read anything into it beyond 'Rey has admitted in three different emails, to various degrees, that she is physically attracted to you and that she is in love with you' he rereads the emails.

He doesn't read any more beyond the three. There are plenty of drafts to him that are unread, but he grasps the threads between them to form the overall picture without needing to read the individual emails.

He feels guilty if he thinks for too long about reading the ones he did. He has information now that he didn't have before. He reasons that it is information that he should have though. Because now that he knows and he thinks to any given memory of Rey, with just a tiny bit of certainty that Rey loves him…

Well it's the easiest thing in the world to see.

When he really thinks about it, Rey doesn't hide the way she loves him, she shines with it. He can see it in the way she smiles at him when he pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and tucks it around her during a movie. Her face soft and warm as she instinctively burrows into the heat.

He can see it in the way she keeps finding reasons to touch his arm when they are walking. Her hand guiding his elbow when she's giving directions. A finger tapping on his wrist when she wants him to follow her gaze. Her arm interlocked with his when she's had just a little too much to drink to still be steady in her heels.

It's certainly the way she trusts that he won't let her fall.

Ben closes the laptop, stretching as he stands. He places the empty coffee mug in the sink, rinsing out the small drops of coffee lingering in the bottom of the glass. The time on the stove clock mocks him.

7:34.

Rey isn't going to be home for hours. She'll go straight from the diner to her final. And he doesn't want to worry her by texting her. Especially when he knows she won't have a lot of time, if any, to text him back.

He isn't even sure what he would say to her.

He could study. He should study. He tries to study, but it's pointless. He can't really focus when at least half of his brain is still focused on Rey's emails.

Ben waits. Impatiently watching the clock and attempting to will time to pass faster. He reads his note cards in between planning the possible ways his conversation with Rey may go when she finally, finally gets home.

It's a long day.

***

Rey glances down at her phone for approximately the millionth time on her walk from the diner to campus. She's almost run into ten different people while walking because she's too focused on her phone and not where she is going.

There are no messages from Ben. No missed calls either.

Maybe Ben didn't see the emails. There's no way Ben would see the draft emails to him and not read them. And if he read them he absolutely would have texted her about them by now.

Right? Right.

Unless he thought that letting her down over a text message or a phone call is too impersonal. Maybe he is just waiting for her to get home to break her heart.

She should have just turned in the paper late. So what if she failed and had to retake the class over the summer and figure out a way to pay for it out of pocket? At least she would still have her best friend.

A drop of water hits Rey's face, Rey looks up from her phone and glares at the darkened sky. She doesn't remember rain being mentioned in the weather forecast, but that hardly matters as it starts raining harder.

Rey checks one more time for any messages before sliding her phone into her bag and running the rest of the way to class. She makes it inside of the building just before a large round of thunder and the rain starts to pour.

She sits at her desk, waiting for the rest of her classmates to show up. She pulls out her phone, debating if she should send Ben a message.

Hey! By now you probably read the emails. This is really embarrassing and obviously I should have deleted them instead of saving them. I'm an idiot. Please let me know when you need me to move out by. Sorry for making this so awkward.

You find two years worth of love letters and you have NOTHING to say to me??????

I assume that if you felt anything similar toward me you would have said something by now. Can we just pretend that you never saw them? I don't want this to change everything.

The professor walks in, handing off the test packets to another student to begin passing around.

There's not enough time for Rey to address any of this with Ben in a message. But she can't stomach the idea of not hearing from him at all before going home.

Rey: Hey! Getting ready to start my final, you never said what you want me to grab for dinner on my way home?

***

Rey hands in her test to her professor with a tight smile and a small wave. She's pretty sure she passed, which at this point, is all she can hope for.

She spent half of the time thinking of different scenarios that could be a possibility when she went back to the apartment. Anything near passing would be fine.

She walks out of the classroom and pulls out her phone. She has two messages from Ben.

Ben: Actually, I was thinking I would make dinner. Something to celebrate your last final.

Ben: Maybe something to distract me from studying.

Rey sighs as she walks toward the exit of the building. Maybe Ben didn't read the draft emails after all. Even if he didn't have feelings for her, surely they'd be enough to at least distract him.

Rey had poured her heart out in some of those emails. She knows there are at least a few where she went on and on about what she thought about Ben's body and the way his hair looked with him growing it out. A few where she made it clear about her thoughts about how kissable his lips looked, how she wondered what his fingers would feel like tracing her curves.

Even if he didn't have feelings for her, certainly he would be distracted by some of those emails.

Maybe she won't go home. Maybe she can avoid Ben long enough that she won't have to find out if he read the emails or not. She won't have to find out if she's ruined one of the best things in her life.

The sun is bright when Rey steps outside. The sidewalks are a darker grey, small puddles pooled around the cracks and uneven slabs.

Rey zips her jacket up, shivering slightly as the wind picks up speed.

She spends most of the walk home trying to fight against her disappointment at the thought that Ben hadn't gone through the emails to him. She had spent so much of her energy imagining Ben breaking it to her that he didn't feel the same way, but a part of her had been hoping that maybe, maybe he felt the same.

The idea that Ben just didn't read the emails was worse.

Maybe Rey should just tell him. Get her feelings out in the open and see what comes from it. There was a chance, a small chance, but still a chance that he felt the same way. Or that he could be open to the idea.

Rey: Sounds good! Need me to stop for anything? Dessert? Wine? Hard alcohol to help with the studying?

Ben doesn't respond until she's almost home.

Ben: No. The only thing missing is you.

***

Ben fidgets with the pen in his hand, twirling it in between his fingers. The pasta is done, the french bread is in the oven.

The only thing that is missing is Rey.

He glances down at his phone to check and see if Rey had responded, but there's no notification. She should be home soon and Ben still doesn't know what he's going to do when he sees her.

He knows what he wants to do. He doesn't want to waste anymore time. He wants to tell her that she's beautiful, because she is, even if she'll fight it because she always complains about how gross she feels after a shift at the diner when she has to head straight to class. She’s always beautiful though, and now he just wants to tell her that. He wants to be able to tell her that when she wakes up in the morning and she’s scrunching her face up against the harshness of the sun sneaking in, or when she is passionate about something and it lights up her entire face.

He wants to tell her that he loves her. That he has been in love with her the entire time too. He’s just not sure how.

It doesn't seem like enough to just say that he loves her. She wrote him fucking love letters. And even though Ben only read three, he knows that there are more and that they are just as lovely and somehow all about her feelings for him. She deserves more than just him saying that he feels the same way.

She deserves to know about the day he realized he was in love with her. She deserves to know about the way the slope of her neck into her shoulder drives him crazy. She deserves to know that he pretends to fall asleep during their movie nights because then she'll fall asleep and curl herself around him on the couch.

The oven beeps and Ben stands from the table, he closes his book, grabbing his note cards and pens and highlighters. He dumps the items into his bedroom, before walking back into the kitchen to pull the french bread out from the oven.

Ben's sliding the bread onto a cutting board, knife in his hand, when the door opens and Rey walks in.

Ben struggles to remember how to breathe as he stares at her. She looks beautiful. But she's nervous, her fingers are playing with the sleeve of her jacket, pulling and twisting at the loose fabric. She shuts the door, taking a step into the kitchen.

She's staring at Ben and he can see it now. She loves him and he can see it. How had he never noticed it before?

Maybe he really was an idiot.

He had spent all day fighting his own nerves, trying to come up with the perfect plan on how to tell Rey that he never thought about what she must have spent the entire day doing.

Obviously, she knew that she sent him into her draft emails and that there was a chance that he would see the emails.

Did she know that he read them? Is that why she is looking at him with wide eyes, her mouth slightly open, as if she is almost about to say something, but she doesn't.

Of course she's worried that he doesn't feel the same way. Why else would she keep writing him draft emails while not saying anything or giving him any real signs about her feelings?

He sets the knife down next to the bread and takes a step toward her.

"Dinner smells good," she says, a little breathless.

Ben doesn't say anything in response, he just takes another step, closing the distance between him. Rey glances up at him, her body tense as she takes a small step back.

Ben reaches out for her, his hand settling against her lower back, gently urging her to come closer to him.

"Ben," she breathes, stepping forward, her hand hovering over his bicep for a second before she commits and rests her hand against the sleeve of his shirt.

"It was the first night you stayed over," Ben says, brushing a stray piece of Rey's hair behind her ear. "It was… two, maybe three months before you moved in. You came over to study. We had dinner first and then you demanded that we watch a movie before we started studying. Something about how our brains needed a break and we'd be better off waiting for a few hours to get started on our all nighter."

Ben smiles, mostly for himself, remembering how cute she had been arguing with him.

"We didn't study," Ben continues, running a finger down her cheek. "You fell asleep twenty minutes into the movie. You looked so peaceful and beautiful and I just… all I could think was about how all I wanted in life was to share it with you. Because I was in love with you."

Rey's expression is soft and a little bewildered as he continues. She turns her head slightly, her lips quickly pressing against his thumb.

"I've been in love with you this entire time. I'm sorry I was too scared to tell you. I was nervous… I am nervous that I'm going to ruin this. I love you and I know, Rey, I know that nothing is ever going to change that. I'm going to love you forever. I can feel it in my bones. Be with me? I know it's scary--"

Rey pulls at Ben's shirt until he bends down and she cuts off his sentence by kissing him. Ben sighs against her lips, his eyes closing as he places her free hand on her hips. She deepens the kiss, her tongue running across his, her fingers burying themselves in his hair.

The way Rey feels pressed against him, the pressure of her mouth on his, it's better than he could have imagined.

It's over too soon, Rey breaks the kiss, a large smile spreading across her face. Ben's grin is just as large and toothy. He stares at her for a second, trying to memorize the way she looks in that moment to his brain. Then he pulls her into his chest and kisses her hair.

"I love you too," Rey says after a moment. "And I agree that it is scary. But I want to be with you. It's worth it."

***

Ben's kisses are something Rey could get addicted to. He kisses with his whole body, the way he angles in his legs to brush against hers, the pressure of his thumb pressing into her hip, his fingernails lightly scratching down her spine. And his lips.

God his lips.

She had been right about his lips. They were absolutely made for kissing.

He left kisses all over her face, her cheek, her jaw, just above her eyebrow. Rey tugged at the bottom of his shirt with one hand, the other quickly moving to run along the exposed skin of his stomach.

He is so warm and solid underneath her hand.

Ben pulls away just long enough to pull his shirt off. Rey spends a few seconds taking in the sight of him shirtless, his eyes darker than she has ever seen them as he watches her watch him.

"You're so gorgeous," she says because she can. Then she moves to pull her own shirt off.

The black bra, which was mostly see through mesh, that she had picked out that morning appears to have been a good choice, judging by the way Ben swallows at the sight, his eyes slowly moving down her body.

He places one hand over her right breast, gently squeezing before taking her nipple and rolling it in between his fingers.

Rey moans, pushing herself forward into his hand, desperate for more friction. he repeats the actions on her left breast and Rey can't control the needy sounds falling from her lips.

Ben pulls away then, dropping his hands to her waist as he takes a step back to put distance between them.

Rey whines, instinctively following after him.

"The food is going to be cold if we don't stop," he explains, nodding at the pasta that's on the counter.

Rey shakes her head, lifting up on her toes to kiss him again.

"Ben," she says, her fingers digging into his shoulder as she tries to find her balance. "I don't give a fuck about the food."

***

Ben groans at Rey's words, helpless to pull away when she's saying things like that and smiling against his lips.

He kisses her, while moving them until her back is pressed against the wall. His fingers making quick work of the button on her jeans.

This is going too fast. He knows that he should stop, that they should eat and he should ask her to go on an actual date, or to be his girlfriend, or fuck, his wife, whatever she wants.

But he can't stop kissing her. And judging by the way she's trying to undo his belt, she doesn't want to stop either. It's hard to argue against the side of his brain begging him to give into the pleasure and to take her into his room when she's pushing his pants and boxers down just enough to run her fingers down his cock.

"Rey, look at me," he begs, his hand grips the corner of the wall as he fails to stop his hips from pushing forward. The way Rey's hands feel wrapped around him, moving at a slow and steady pace as she raises her eyes to his face. Her hand picks up speed, and her eyes slightly narrow in concentration, like she's trying to decipher every twitch of his face so she can make him do it again is too much.

"Yeah, Ben?" Rey says as an answer, her eyes not leaving his. She looks like the picture of innocence as she holds his gaze, her eyes full of love, her cheeks slightly pink, and her lips turned up in a smile.

It's difficult to believe that she can keep that expression on her face while giving him the best hand job of his life.

"We should, uh, we should talk," he manages to get out, his grip on the wall tightening. "About all of this and what it means. I don't want… we don't have to rush into anything. We have time."

Rey's hand stops moving and if Ben was capable of holding on to more than a few of his brain cells he would have been embarrassed at the way he kept moving his hips long after she stopped.

She holds his chin in her other hand, tilting his head down so she can look directly into his eyes before she leans up. The kiss is chaste and short, it leaves Ben wanting more.

"I don't want to talk," she says, moving her hand down his length again. "I don't want to wait either Ben," he shudders at the combination of her words and the way she twists her hand around the head of his penis. "I just want you."

***

Ben doesn't say anything, he tilts his head and looks at Rey like he's trying to decide what he did to deserve her and what he wants to do next. He's all action once he's made up his mind.

He places his hand on top of Rey's, and Rey pumps him faster, feeling emboldened by the feel of Ben's hands on hers. He moves her hand away off of him, pinning it above her head and against the wall.

"Ben," Rey sighs, half heartedly fighting against his hold, "I wasn't done--"

Rey stops talking while she watches Ben push down his pants to the floor. He picks her up and Rey wraps her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist.

Heat pools in her stomach when he starts to walk them towards his room. His mouth is on her again. Ben's room is only about 30 steps away from the kitchen, but it seems to take forever before Ben finally makes it to his door.

Ben holds her against the door, carefully shifting her in his arms so that he can move one hand from her to open the door. Rey uses that as an opportunity to suck at the skin just below his jaw. The arm wrapped around her tightens and Rey can hear Ben's sharp intake of breath once she's moved her lips away.

So she does it again to the skin below his ear, just to see if she gets the same reaction from him.

Ben carefully sets her down on his bed. He settles his knees on either side of her and bends down to kiss her. His mouth is hot and desperate against hers as he unclasps her bra. Rey leans back on the bed and helps him slide the straps down her arms.

Rey lifts her hips up so Ben can remove her underwear and jeans. She runs her fingers along the edge of his hip bone.

"You're beautiful," Ben says, his voice lower than Rey has heard it before. He drags his thumb along the curve of her breast and across her nipple. "You're so beautiful Rey--" his fingers trail down along her waist and stomach until he barely grazes her clit with the pad of his finger.

But it's enough to send small tendrils of pleasure throughout her body. He moves lower, running a finger through the wetness at her opening. She nods at the questioning look he gives her.

He pushes a finger inside of her, curling it up as he sets a slow, leisurely pace with his movements. Rey moans, trying to urge him on to go faster.

"Ben, please," Rey begs, though she isn't quite sure what she's asking him to do. "I need more."

Ben drops to his knees, hooking Rey's legs over his shoulder. He adds another finger, picking up speed while he places wet kisses on her thighs and hip bone. His nose brushes against her clit when he moves his head to pay attention to the other side of her body.

Rey whines, lifting her hips to try to find something to give her friction where she needs it most. Ben grins into her thigh.

"You're a tease," Rey huffs. "An absolute damn tease and I need--"

"I know what you need," Ben whispers, his breath hot on her center and then he finally, finally lowers his mouth to her clit.

Rey's brain ceases to function when he sucks and pleasure washes over her body. She lifts her hips up and she's only slightly annoyed when Ben's hand pushes her back down to the bed.

Ben works her up easily. He isn't shy about trying different things, and the way he manages to work his tongue with his fingers and his mouth is magic.

Rey threads her fingers in his hair, she tugs on the strands as he brings her closer and closer to the edge.

"Ben," Rey whimpers, her back arching. She's fairly confident the grip she has on his hair is actually painful, but she can't bring herself to let go and Ben doesn't seem to mind. At least, it isn't stopping him from devouring her.

She doesn't want to come yet. She wants to stay in this moment forever. She needs it to last longer so she can commit the way her nerves are buzzing with pleasure and her heart is swelling with love and comfort to her memory.

Ben sucks harder. The hand on her stomach moves up and he is pinching her nipple and she comes.

He works her through her orgasm. His mouth and tongue slowing their movements against her clit until she swats at his head.

"Too sensitive," she mutters, her eyes still closed. He laughs against her skin, resting his chin just above her pubic bone.

Rey leans up, pressing her elbows into the mattress. "Hi," she says, grinning down at him.

"Hi." Ben sounds a little breathless, but he matches her smile and presses a kiss against her skin.

His hair is a mess and Rey's stomach swoops with the knowledge that she did that. She's the reason this gorgeous man was out of breath and his usually perfectly tousled hair was all out of place.

He moves up her body, running his tongue along her exposed skin until his head is hovering just over her own.

"I love you," he says. And if it were possible Rey knows that he would be able to see her heart beat out of her chest.

His face is so open and honest it surprises Rey. Because she knows that he said he loved her earlier, but there's still a part of her that isn't sure that he can mean it.

But then he looks at her with such adoration in his eyes and she's not sure how she could doubt him.

"I love you too," she says, beaming up at him as he closes the distance between them.

She can taste herself on his lips, but she isn't complaining as he opens his mouth to deepen the kiss.

"Condom?" she asks, breaking the kiss before placing smaller kisses along his jaw.

He nods, moving off of her and moving to the other edge of the bed. He opens the top drawer of his nightstand and pulls out a condom. Rey just watches as he tears open the wrapper, pinches the tip of the condom and rolls it down his length.

"Come here," he says and Rey rolls over and makes her way to Ben. She settles herself over him, resting her hands on his shoulders and sinks down on him.

Ben let's her set the pace, but he meets her thrust for thrust and it makes Rey clench against him. He feels so good inside of her, and then he uses his hands, dragging them down on her spine, across her chest, down her stomach until he reaches her clit and he presses down and Rey starts to see stars. Her movements above him stutter and she knows she isn't going to last long if he keeps that up.

"That's it," he says, "Are you going to come for me?" He puts more pressure on his finger, drawing small circles on her clit.

Rey sighs his name, squeezing her nails into his shoulder. He's taken over, controlling the speed of her thrusts as she just let's him, too lost in the pleasure pulsing through her veins.

"Ben," she groans when his mouth wraps around her nipple, his teeth sharp against her skin.

She comes when he bites down, her vision blurring. He keeps fucking into her chasing his own orgasm.

He comes silently, his breath hot on her neck. Rey catches her breath, enjoying the way Ben can't keep his hands still. He runs his hands over her collarbone, a finger trailing across her jawline, another down her spine.

She rolls off of him once she feels like she can take a full breath without immediately trying to suck in another. He moves around, removing the condom and tossing it into a trash can near his bed.

Rey is glad to discover that her head does fit into the crook of his neck just like she imagined. She tastes the salt on his skin when she leaves an opened mouth kiss to his shoulder. She wraps her arm around his chest and curls herself around him.

"So, you read the emails then?" Rey asks with a small laugh.

Ben kisses her head. "I read three of them, yeah."

"Just three?"

Ben sighs, his fingers continuing to run across her body as if he can't get enough of her skin. "I felt bad. Reading through emails you didn't send me, it felt like I was invading your privacy."

"I'm glad you did," Rey admits, pulling him closer to her. "Otherwise we might not be here."

Ben hums, his chest vibrating underneath her hand. "You have a point."

"Which ones did you read?"

"Um," Ben hesitates. Rey can feel his heartbeat pick up pace. "A recent one about me working out? And then the one on my birthday and the first one."

"Those were good ones," Rey laughs. "You could have read the other ones."

"You could send them to me." Ben drags his fingers through her hair. "I don't want you to hide from me anymore."

"Maybe I will," Rey teases. "Now that I know you might feel the same way about me."

"I do feel the same way," Ben amends her words. "I'm crazy about you. I've been crazy about you."

"But will you be tomorrow?" Rey asks, hating how needy her voice sounds to her own ears. "And the next day?"

"Always," Ben answers. There's no hesitancy to his answer.

"Always is a long time," Reys says, kissing his neck. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I never do," Ben promises. "I'm always going to love you."

"Me too," Rey says, her voice heavy with sleep. "I'm always going to love you."

"Maybe tomorrow we can read the rest of them together?" Ben asks.

"Yeah," Rey smiles. "We can do that."

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fanfiction #reylo fic #reylo au #my fic

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krreader · 7 years ago

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BTS reacting to you always forgiving them → the aftermath.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: some boys don’t have a happy ending. genre: fluff ; angst ; hints of smut previous: x

a/n: I think I might have gotten over 10 requests to make a part 2 for this (but I obviously won’t post all of them on here, bc boy, just no hahaha). anyways, as I’ve said above, not all of the boys get a happy ending, just because the scenarios I’ve written for some before didn’t really fit one, so keep that in mind when reading please. if you’re okay with that and if you want to cry, go on and enjoy :’)

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kim seokjin

It was only two weeks after your breakdown that you came home from work and found the entire apartment littered with candles and rose petals. For a second you thought somebody had broken in and it literally took you five minutes to remember that you did actually have a boyfriend. You just weren't used to these things from him anymore.

But it seemed like your 6 hour talk had finally done some good and Seokjin had decided that he needed to change things, or you would leave.

You stood in the living room when he approached you with a soft smile, “Hey..”

“I.. don't understand?”

“You were right,” he grabbed your bag and your coat out of your hands and put both on the couch, “Me putting you last, when you should have been first was not fair. And I can count myself lucky that you are so forgiving, because I know that a lot of others would have left. But.. I want to make up for it. And I thought this was a good start,” he grabbed your hand and gently pulled you with him to your bathroom, where he had run a bath for you. Your nose was filled with various sweet scents, your entire body relaxing almost instantly and again rose petals and candles all over the floor and edges of the bathtub.

“Jin,” you breathed out as your eyes widened, the flames of the candles reflecting in your eyes.

“This is your night.. Take a bath for as long as you want, I'll make you dinner in the meantime and then I can give you a massage.”

“A massage with a happy ending?” you giggled as you turned towards him.

You honestly couldn't remember the last time you so much as touched each other more than hugging. And from the way the smile spread on his face, he seemed to have had the same idea in mind.

“I told you.. this is your night, so you decide what to do. But for now,” he grabbed a bathrobe and handed it to you, “Take that bath, or the water is going to run cold.”

And with a kiss against your nose, he left the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Yes, he hurt you badly and yes, you had been on the verge of finally ending it, but you were glad that he came to his senses.. you were glad that he finally realized how important you were to him and that he was showing it to you like this.

min yoongi

He should have been more careful or not as stupid as he had been in the first place. You might be forgiving, you might love him for the rest of your life, but even you had your limits. And Yoongi should have known that having the audacity to bring his affair home, into that same home that his son was living at, would be the end of his marriage.

He easily could have won the custody battle, if he had wanted sole custody of Dohyun, but he knew that, one, his son needed you more than him and two, it was his fault that this marriage ended after all and he wouldn't take your child away from you. He was an asshole, but not that kind of asshole. He had hurt you enough..

And so here he was, one year later, sitting in his new and lonely apartment without his beautiful son running around laughing.. without seeing you smile when Yoongi did something stupid again. He was alone and it was all his fault.. because for some fucked up reason, he forgot that you had been the best thing that ever happened to him. You gave him his son and the love he always wanted.. and he tossed both your love and his family away for screwing younger girls..

It was close to midnight when he looked at his watch and without really knowing why (even though he did, because he missed you and his son), he got up from the couch and grabbed his car keys, driving to the place he had once called home.

To his surprise, the lights were still on, but Dohyun would probably be asleep. So instead of ringing the bell, he knocked twice.

It took you a while, but when you opened up, he couldn't help but let out that breath he had been holding.

Were you always this beautiful? Yeah.. yeah you were. He just stopped looking at you for some reason. How could he have done that?

“Yoongi?”

“I know it's late.. I just.. uh,” yeah, what did he want? “Can I give him a kiss? I'll be gone in five, I promise.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest, letting out a sigh a moment later, before stepping aside. Because no matter how much he broke your heart, he was still the father of your kid and you still wanted him to be in his life.

Yoongi muttered a low thank you, as he passed you and immediately walked into his son's bedroom. That same bedroom that he had painted with his hyungs when you had told him you were pregnant. That same bedroom that he spent countless of nights holding a crying baby in his arms..

Careful, as to not to wake him, he sat down beside him, pulling the blanket a little higher and leaning down to kiss his sleeping son's forehead.

“Hey buddy.. it's dad,” he let his thumb brush over his cheek, “I'm sorry I didn't tuck you in, but I'm sure mom did a good job of it,” for a moment he stopped talking and just looked at him, realizing that he would miss so much of his life, just because he made the biggest mistake of his life, “I'm not sure if you understand it all yet, but when you're going to be older, you're going to find out what I did.. and why I'm not with you two anymore. And I know that you're going to hate me for it.. for hurting your mother. And you have every right to do so, because trust me, I hate myself for it. But.. no matter what happens, Dohyun, I'm always going to be your father and I'm always going to be there, even if you feel like I'm not. I'm always going to love you..”

And before you'd do something stupid, like give in once again because despite all, you still loved him, you walked away from the door and back down into the living room, wiping the tears away.

The wound was still fresh.. but maybe, one day, you'd be able to look at him without feeling your heart breaking all over again.

jung hoseok

Hoseok had texted you thirty minutes ago, whether he could stop by. That was the first thing that was unusual, because usually he just did.

You told him yes, had taken a shower and were now already waiting in nice underwear, because you knew there was only one reason he'd stop by at this point.

But when you opened the door, you were surprised to be greeted by a smiling Hobi, holding up two plastic bags.

“I brought food!”

“Food?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled as he let himself in, kissing your cheek before walking into the kitchen, “That’s the thing that you eat.”

For a moment you just stood there baffled, then you followed him and looked at him with raised eyebrows, “I know that.. I just don't know why you're bringing food.”

“Because you're my girlfriend and I want to have dinner with you,” he looked up when you didn't reply and could see that you were confused. That alone was like a punch in the face. How could he have treated you like a whore these past months, when you deserved so much more? He let out a sigh and walked over to you, letting his hands brush down from your elbows, until they could wrap themselves around your own, “I know it hasn't been great between us and I know that most of it is my fault.. but I want to make an effort. I want to show you that you're more to me. I never wanted to make you feel like you were some toy for me. Because that's not what you are.”

A small smile spread on your face, before you looked down at your hands, “I'll change into your hoodie and some leggings then..”

“Please do,” he kissed your forehead and watched you go, before he continued taking out the food.

Crying was often the hardest thing, because you often felt like you were showing weakness that way. But when you broke down the last time he was here, it seemed like something had finally snapped in him.. so yeah, maybe crying wasn't so bad every once in a while, because it reveals how we really feel. And the people we love most should know about that, so they can help or change things..

kim namjoon

He had felt so bad after the last time that you and him had been together, that he finally decided to break things off, breaking your heart even more in the process. But he knew it wasn't fair using you for sex, when he knew you had feelings for him that he couldn't reciprocate.

However, when he ran into you four months after the 'break-up' (even though you probably couldn't call it that, since you were only fuck buddies), he couldn't help his jaw dropping to the floor at how good you looked.

You had clearly worked out, had gotten a new hairstyle and looked.. fuck, you looked amazing?

“Namjoon?” you cocked your head to the side as he was still staring at you, “You okay there?”

“Uh,” he quickly shook his head, blinking a couple of times before he tried laughing it off, “Yeah.. yeah, you just.. you look really good, (Y/N).”

“Thanks,” you looked down at yourself, “I feel really good too..”

“You.. you do?”

“Yeah,” you smiled happily, “You breaking things off between us was the best thing you ever could have done.. I finally started appreciating myself more and started realizing that I'm worth more than you made me feel.”

That.. uhm.. ouch?

“I'm glad to hear that,” he didn't really know what else to say to that.

“Anyways, I've got to go to work. Take care, Namjoon. And try not to get an STD,” you winked, as you patted his arm, before walking out of the store.

And all that was going on inside his head was his band members singing: Mic Drop.

He deserved that one.

park jimin

You were at the wedding of one of Jimin's band members. Everyone was laughing and celebrating, enjoying the night with a shit ton of alcohol.

Well.. all but one.

Because there he was, your husband being the only one that didn't drink and instead sat alone at the table with your daughter on his lap and playing with her.

You smiled happily as you walked over to them and pressed a kiss against his cheek, “Here.. orange juice.”

“Thaaank you,” he sing-sang and took a sip, before returning his attention to Alice.

You had thought he would one day drink less, maybe have it more under control, but it seemed like that night, when you told him you didn't want him around his own daughter when he was always like this.. it seemed like he realized what he was doing.

He didn't want to be a drunk. Especially not when he should be a good father. And a drunk + father? That combination did not work.

So within that day, he decided to completely lay off of alcohol.

Forever.

And he didn't miss it. He didn't care, because he had you and his daughter and that was all he needed in life.

He was just glad you stuck around long enough for him to change.

“I love you,” you whispered, as you brushed over the back of his head.

“I love you too, Jagi,” he leaned over, just for a quick kiss, but Alice immediately threw a tantrum, wanting her daddy all for herself.

Well, you could understand that.

kim taehyung

This was his last chance.

If he didn't appreciate you tonight, you'd pack your things and leave.

He was at this award show tonight, well, more specifically, the after-party and you had managed to get an invite, after having used his phone (which, to be fair, you shouldn't have, but you knew he never would have gotten you one on his own) to contact a couple of people that could get you in.

So here you were, dressed up to the brim, literally looking like a queen, but somehow still not matching up to all the idols around you.

You were feeling uncomfortable, as your eyes wandered, hoping to see the only familiar face you knew in here.

And you did..

..but he didn't look happy.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he hissed, grabbing your arm. But somehow, he was looking more worried than angry..

“Since you never invite me to these things, I thought I'd do it for you.”

“No, no, listen, you need to leave, please trust me.. if..-”

But it was too late, because suddenly all of his band members were right there, their girlfriends in tow. You know, actresses, idols, models. And then there was you.

“Who's that?” one of the girls laughed, “A fan?”

Taehyung's eyes were begging you to leave, but you smiled at her and grabbed his hand, “I'm his girlfriend, actually.”

And then they all laughed.

And you know, not in a good way, but in a way that it made you feel so fucking awful about yourself. And it wasn't even Bangtan that laughed, it was just the girls, because somehow all of them felt like they were better than you.

“Where did you pick her up? Walmart?” or “I guess she must have her talents..” came out of their mouths and your vision was already becoming blurry because of the tears.

“Please stop this,” Tae stood in front of you, trying to find your hand, but you were already turning around and leaving, “(Y/N), wait!”

But you didn't. Walking turned into running and you did that until you were outside, the cold air clashing against you and drying the tears that were uncontrollably running out of your eyes.

It was only there that he got a hold of you and pulled you towards him, apologizing over and over again and telling you not to listen to what they were saying.

“This is the reason I never wanted you to come with me.. not because I'm embarrassed, not because I don't think you're worth it, but because I knew this would happen. Because they think they're all high and mighty and think everyone that isn't rich and famous is beneath them. But I don't care, (Y/N),” he leaned back and grabbed your face, looking straight into your eyes, “I love you for who you are.. and I'm sorry you felt like I was embarrassed by you, it's just.. I wanted to protect you.”

You believed him, I mean, after having encountered them, it was clear what he was trying to protect you from.

But you still fell against his chest again and cried some more. Maybe because of these girls, maybe because you just loved him so much and he just made it clear how much he loved you in return, making your anxieties slowly fading away.

jeon jeongguk

“What are you doing?” Jin asked as he sat down next to him on the couch.

“Huh?” he quickly hid his phone, “Nothing..”

“Sure? Because that looked a lot like a picture of (Y/N).”

For a couple of seconds, Jeongguk just blinked, before giving up and showing it to him, “I just miss her, I guess..”

“It's been more than a year, Kookie..”

“And I'm scared that I'm always going to miss her.”

“Have you tried calling her?”

“No.. she had a point, after all. If IU had asked, I would have run to her without even saying goodbye to (Y/N). It wasn't fair of me to treat her like that..”

“Maybe,” Jin took another look at the picture, “But what you're doing now? Looking at pictures of her? That's what you used to do with IU. And I haven't seen you looking at any pictures of her lately.”

“I deleted them all.. I.. I want pictures of (Y/N) to be the only pictures of girls I have on my phone.”

“Okay answer with the first thing that comes to your mind,” Jin always tried to give good advice, feeling like it was his job in this band, “If you had your birthday party and we somehow managed to get both IU and (Y/N) to spend that day with you. Which one would you choose?”

“(Y/N),” he said without thinking twice.

“Then you have your answer,” he smiled and put a hand on his shoulder, “It's what she always said, isn't it? She'd always forgive you. At least now she has a reason to, because it seems like you finally realized who you really love..”

Jin was right. IU had been a stupid boy crush, but you had been by his side through some of the hardest times of his life.

He wanted you back..

..and he'd do whatever it takes for it to happen.

#bts imagine #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts #bangtan #bangtan reaction #bangtan boys #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #bangtan x reader #bangtan boys x reader #requests

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the-evanescent-inkwell · 6 years ago

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11/11 (Make a Wish) Tag

Thanks for tagging me, @capshorty!

Rules: Answer the 11 questions of the person who tagged you; make up 11 questions; tag 11 people to answer them.

1.) How old were you when you realized writing was something you wanted to do? How old were you when you actually started doing it?

Funny story, I denied the fact that writing was my calling for like four years. I’m sixteen and I’ve been writing regularly (almost every day) since I was eleven. It took pretty much everyone who I let read my (very bad) earlier work yelling at me that most kids don’t sit around crafting stories and actually doing a decent job for a majority of their time. I didn’t really start taking myself seriously (AKA actually writing not just for my own amusement) until I was fourteen/fifteen.

2.) What are your favorite fandoms? Do you read or write fanfiction for any of them?

Tbh, I go through fandoms like candy. Right now I’m into a few different crime dramas, but I’ve always been super obsessed with Star Wars and Once Upon A Time. I like The Umbrella Academy, Stranger Things, and Marvel right now. As for fanfiction, I’ve never actually written a legit, full-length fanfiction. I wrote part of one for Portal awhile ago, and when I was younger and got bored I would basically make up Star Wars fan fiction in my head, but I eventually turned that into an original idea, so I’m not sure if that counts. For the most part, all of my work is original. As far as reading fan fiction, I only really read my friends’ when they send it to me.

3.) What was your first story idea that you really felt was solid?

I never plan out my stories to any degree (AKA I’m horrible at outlining/following an outline so I have a pile of notes and cinema scenes in my head that I use), so the first story I ever really wrote to be published was a big deal because it was planned out. I had step by step planned out and I spent months on character profiles. It’s been two years since I finished the first draft and have been working on it every now and then, and I still feel like it’s pretty good. I don’t want to talk about it too much because I don’t know what the future holds for it, but I made some dumb memes on this account, so if you seen anything that mentions ‘AUT’, that’s the placeholder name for it.

4.) What’s your best solution for getting over writer’s block?

Just fucking write, man. Whenever I get a block, it’s usually on a boring transition scene I don’t want to write (most of my stuff is heavy in internal conflict and development, so I don’t like to write out of order, period, in case I lose the flow of my character) and for the most part I just have to rip off the bandaid and get into the exciting stuff.

Granted, sometimes I also get writer’s block after I’ve been working really hard for a few weeks and I just run out of creative juice. When that happens, the best thing to do is just let myself recharge. I chill out, I watch some shows, I read some new books. I let myself rediscover my creativity before I hop back in.

5.) What book(s)/author(s) have you read that you think have influenced your writing most?

The Narnia Chronicles have honestly influenced my writing more than I would like to admit. I’m a fantasy geek all the way, but he was also the author that taught me just what you could do with a story. For instances, Narnia was a reflection of his faith. As much as I like to make fun of English teachers who are like “White drapes! It’s symbolism for freedom and purity! I don’t expect you to understand!” I love finding good meaning beneath stories and pretend the author leaves it there. I put a lot of focus on psychology and philosophy in my own work, and while reading John Green certainly hasn’t discouraged me, it really all started with stories that I grew up reading and found out meant so much more.

6.) Which of your stories was/is the easiest to write? Which was the hardest?

This might be a weird answer, but the ones where I can just write. Grimm’s Heights (go check out my Wattpad) was really easy to write because I didn’t care how bad it was. I just took a scenario and I let it unfold. I have a lot of stories that I write simply to write. There’s no pressure, so it doesn’t really matter how good it is. An Abundance of Dragons and The Limerence of Audrey Douglas are two of the hardest stories I have ever tried to write. Abundance is because I have such specific goals for it (AKA I want it to be wholesome and sweet, but I am Emo AF so no can do) and Limerence because I started it from a place of anger and betrayal and wanted it to prove a point to the person who made me angry. It’s easy to get dissatisfied when I don’t see myself moving fast enough, or I don’t feel like the story is as good as it was in my head, and that just discourages me from writing. Still getting better though!

7.) What are some of your favorite tropes to read/write?

Enemies to lovers. “But you gotta save the WORLD”. Love triangle but where it doesn’t end the typical way (AKA two girls fighting over the guy, but surprise they gay AF and start dating each other). Oh no, Character A is in trouble? And Character B arrives at the perfect time? Lovely! “I’m just an ordinary person.” WRONG!

8.) If you could date any fictional character, who would it be?

Tbh, I can’t think of a single character I’d actually want to date from anything I’ve read/watched. Even my own.

9.) What are some of your favorite things to do outside of writing?

Watch TV and read books, then mumble under my breath “I could’ve done it better.” I also like to take care of plants, annoy my dog, and go to iHop with my friends for no reason.

10.) Where would be your ideal place to live?

Rockies, like Colorado somewhere. College town. Just big enough to have a personality without traffic problems. I’ve lived in the Midwest (specifically Texas) for my entire life, so pretty much anywhere but here.

11.) What’s the most underrated book you’ve ever read? Most overrated?

People are always talking about Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, but I’ve never heard someone other than my mom even mention the Belgariad series by David Eddings. It’s super great. It’s fantasy and it has different but very solid and real characters. It’s got humor, it’s got combat, and the world building is perfect for the story. The only thing I didn’t like was the final battle (I thought it was a bit anticlimactic), but I guess it’s about the journey, not the end.

As for the most overrated, there are a lot of books I could point out, but I’ll go with the Shannara chronicles. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I didn’t end up reading all of them, and I only watched part of the television series because it just made me soooo mad. I don’t want to go into it now (I could write a thesis on it, honestly), but the gist of it is that I liked the world but not the execution. I absolutely love a good post-apocalyptic fantasy, but I hated the story and the only character I actually genuinely liked was the only character killed off. The only reason I watched the television series was because my friend really liked it, and I criticized her taste a lot afterward. Anyway, I tried it because I heard great things, but it just didn’t do it for me.

As I’ve said many times before, I’m bad at these things because I never know who to tag. I spent like twenty minutes scrolling through some of my mutual writeblrs. As always, no pressure if you don’t want to do the tag! :)

Tagging: @thepanickingwriter @bluewrites0 @gardamn @writings-of-an-elm-tree @writings-of-a-narwhal @ink-on-poppies @latechickadee @amerakandreamer @clarissalopeswriter @senawrites @the-violet-writer

Questions for YOU!

1. What was the first idea/project that you ever tried to write?

2. What is your biggest strength as a writer? What is your biggest weakness?

3. How do you stay focused while writing?

4. If you could have lunch with one character you have written about (original or from fanfiction) who would it be?

5. What type of writeblr posts help you the most with your own writing (advice, resources, word lists, prompts, etc.)?

6. What is the most mind-opening book you’ve ever read/show or movie you’ve ever watched?

7. Have you written fanfiction? If so, on what?

8. What is a book/story/poem/anything you were forced to read in high school that you actually ended up liking?

9. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? What would you see? What would you do? Why?

10. What is the weirdest thing you have done/searched on the Internet for the sake of research?

11. If you could adopt any animal as a pet (and I mean any animal) what would it be? (Also, it can be extinct/not real)

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officialthiamlibrary · 7 years ago

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Hello! Hello! So excited to share another fantastic creator this time on BTS. Thanks to everyone who’s given this series love and interest. It’s because of you that we keep highlighting the lovely talent in this fandom and today, is no exception. The writer of Compared to the Moon, Six/Seven, and more, parttimehuman, somehow stumbled into our ship and we’re damn happy she’s decided to stay haha. Read on to learn more about her.

Mercy! Ayyy, thanks for letting me besiege you with questions lol. Since the Thiam fandom is quite familiar with one another by now, any facts about you or your life that we’d be surprised to know?

I have a bachelor degree in financial mathematics. (Although I’m not sure how surprising that is.)

That’s wild, mostly because I can’t imagine beasting through an entire degree of math alone. Completely random, but I doubt I’ll have a chance to ask this again. In Shows/Movies, when the characters are in Math class and answering questions on the board, have you ever looked at their solution and thought, “wrong.” I always wondered if those were accurate.

Bold of you to assume that I still know high school math just because I’ve studied the more advanced stuff. Still, it has happened, yeah.

Ahh, touche, touche. Why don’t we actually talk about Teen Wolf and Thiam now lol. How did you find your way to the Thiam fandom? What about them drew you in?

It was a long and not very easy way, to be honest. I think I didn’t get beyond the pilot episode of Teen Wolf until the third try. I had over a month of free time after I graduated from uni, so naturally, I was bored. I finally watched all seasons. Thiam as a ship? Yeah, I’m not going to pretend like it was anything other than Cody Christian’s sexy ass that made that happen. And Theo’s heart-eyes for Liam in 6b of course. I wrote two fics, didn’t mean to stick around for long, and then I was invited to a certain Discord…

What do you think changed between your first time watching and your third?

You want me to be really honest? I had more time, was a little more bored out, had less other options. That’s about it.

Alol nothing but the truth here. Well, now that you’ve fully accepted the TW lifestyle, how would you put your own touches on a Season 7 spin off. What would be your very first scene and very last scene of the pilot episode? As an artist, how would you put your personal touch on those two scenes?

The first scene would be a steamy face-punching/make-out session between Liam and Theo. With proper lighting. Brett would be alive. Liam would look exactly like Dylan Sprayberry does. The last scene would be Theo falling asleep in an actual bed. With Liam’s arms wrapped around him. And forehead kisses. There would be a fist bump somewhere in that episode. And probably a lacrosse game. It would basically be an AU where it never gets dark because we all deserve to see properly after 6 seasons of TW.

“Proper Lighting,” *Slow Clap.* Honestly, we are owed that at this point. As a creator, do you only write Thiam? Any other fandoms or Pairings? Novels or Stories with Original Characters?

No. Actually, I believe these days I write slightly more for other pairings from Teen Wolf. I also have a longfic for another fandom in the works (The Raven Cycle). I will probably write a novel one day, I have quite a collection with abandoned attempts, actually. Apart from that, just like I do in the Thiam pack, I like to write my friends from real life little stories. I guess none of my characters are truly original, strictly speaking, because they’re always either borrowed from a fandom or I insert people I personally know in my stories.

Yessss! Just started the Raven Thieves and it’s my everything. Of all your stories, what’s been your favorite(s) to write or reread thus far?

Compared to the Moon. If I were to make a list here, the 26 chapters of Compared would be the first 26 points on it. After that I’d put My Sister’s Keeper, although it had me crying like a baby. As for smut, I’d say The Hot Cop Showdown, which is about Theo and Liam both turning up at a bachelor party in a police uniform, only that one of them’s an actual police officer, and one’s a stripper. The fun in that was that I wrote it live for a bunch of people who were guessing who was who, and I made my decision completely spontaneously.

Yass let’s definitely talk Compared to the Moon quickly because the worldbuilding is quite intriguing. First, for anyone unfamiliar could you offer a quick summary? How did you come up with what colors corresponds with an emotion? On an average day, what would your color undertone be?

Compared to the Moon is a High School AU where everyone is human, with the little bonus that people show their emotions as colors beneath their skin. While Liam, captain of the lacrosse team, bears a quite prominent red mark in his neck and back and is generally unable to control his colors, Theo, who’s new in school and the lacrosse team, doesn’t have any. They get off on the wrong foot, become roommates, fall in love. There’s a whole lot of drama. And a happy ending, but they do have to work a lot for it.

The idea to that fic came from a drunken conversation with my best friend who doesn’t give a single shit about Teen Wolf or my fics, but the thought had stuck with me. I did a bit of research on the meaning of different colors, but as I continued writing it, I more and more decided to not pay too much attention to that. One of the messages I wanted to convey was to not judge a book by its cover, which, of course, happens a lot in a world where people carry their emotions right under their skin. But the point is that you still never know. What exactly does Liam’s red stand for? Anger? Aggression? Pain? Blood? Or maybe passion? Leadership? Courage? Love?

And what does it mean that Theo doesn’t show them? Is he any less of a human being because of that? Does he not feel?

By the time I got towards the ending of the story, I’d realized that I didn’t want to answer any of these questions. And even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have.

As for me, I feel like I’d be a little more blue and a little more yellow than I’d be other colors, for reasons I cannot explain.

That’s honestly lovely, especially since each color has a myriad of hues and therefore meanings. Including Compared to the Moon, would you say there’s one trope weaving your stories together?

Probably some form of bed sharing/sleeping together/cuddling. One of them watching the other. Someone who’s usually kept awake by nightmares finally getting some rest. Lazy mornings in bed together. Hand holding. Eskimo kisses. Innocent touches. Just a whole lot of vulnerability and trust and softness.

And I remember reading way back when (like Truth or Chimera haha) days that you write all of your stories by hand. Can you go into your writing process a little? Do you still keep everything you’ve written?

I don’t do that anymore. I write my notes per hand, also sometimes a few lines or ideas, but that’s about it. I’ve published around 600k words in the last year, so at some point I gave it up with the handwriting. I still have all my notes, though, among them the letter Theo wrote to Liam in Compared to the Moon. I’m a notebook hoarder, and I find that there’s a certain aesthetic to handwritten things, but now I mostly just sit in bed with my laptop and a kitty when I write.

Whatttt, live writing!?! How does it feel to write openly like that? Do you think it’s changed the way you create?

I mostly write my smut live. It’s amazing because the people who are following it can throw in their own ideas and make wishes. Many times that’s resulted in me taking a story into directions I wouldn’t have thought of myself. It’s a challenge, because you have to let go of the idea of changing something you’ve already written. Ultimately, I do it because the pressure of people literally waiting for the next sentence gets me to actually sit my ass down and type words.

I think it’s made me more spontaneous and more open to the idea of going into unknown directions. Most of the time, I have no idea what I want to write when I start writing it. But I’ve definitely learned not to stress myself about that. Some of the best things happen while live writing. By the way, almost all of Six and Seven has been written live.

Ok, it’s got to be asked lol. Six and Seven. How?! How do you write such steamy scenes and still retain the essence of the characters. Any writing wisdom to impart for writers who want to improve their smut skills?

This is a tough question, because if I’m being honest, I think the least about what I’m doing when I’m writing smut. I just go with it. I think a few good things to keep in mind are these: Call a dick a dick. Please and thank you. Consent is sexy, safe sex is sexy. There is no such thing as too much lube. Bananas and sex should never be combined. Communication is key. Literally. Dirty talk is the absolute best thing a smut writer can do, if you ask me. Them talking about their likes and preferences? Hot! One of them making the other ask for what they need? Hot! A nickname, a “Sir”, a praise, some begging? Hot, hot, hot, hot.

Other than that, one thing I really want to say here: Forget about who tops and bottoms. That is literally the least important decision to make. It doesn’t even cross my mind when I start writing a story. It also doesn’t have anything to do with who’s the taller or stronger one, or who’s the dominant one, or more experienced. That’s all bullshit.

Apart from that, your kinks are valid. Write the fucking hell out of them, seriously.

Everything. Everything about this is the best. I’m so tempted to say, “Introducing Behind the Screen with parttimehuman!” without the wrap of questions because of how helpful your advice is lol. I suppose, one final random question before we close up: If you were in a Breakfast Club detention situation with five characters from Teen Wolf, who would give you the wildest, most satisfying day. Who would be your teacher? And what’s one thing the six of you would end up doing?

I feel like Liam and Theo would be there, probably because they started punching each other in the middle of class. Stiles seems like the most likely one to have annoyed a teacher into giving him detention. Malia is there for skipping maths too many times. And Isaac. Nobody knows how exactly he ended up there, but everyone’s pretty appreciative of his sarcastic comments. We’d pass the time discussing conspiracy theories about what the hell is wrong with Beacon Hills. Coach Bobby Finstock would let us go early, because remember, Stiles is canonically like a son to him. And Daddy Finstock just can’t say no to his chaotic favorite boy.

Hahaha, Daddy Finstock. Finally, what’s next for you? In life or fandom or both?

In life? If only I knew. I might leave my home town (again) and go to uni (again), but I generally enjoy having no plan.

In fandom? A fucking lot. The Big Bang is getting closer and I am thrilled. I’m working on a whole list of other things, as always. Then there’s a special project that is for now a secret, a couple of awesome people will celebrate their birthdays soon, and Christmas presents are in the works. The Snow White AU will finally break some hearts soon. In case anybody reading this is still waiting for something, I swear that if I made you a promise, then I have it on a sticky note somewhere. Don’t give up on me! Prompts are always welcome (just don’t make me write angst).

And anything else you’d like to share?

If there’s anything I’d like to share, then it’s encouragement. From one introverted fandom lunatic to all the others out there. Never feel weird for loving something. Never feel ashamed of being passionate about what you love. Never let anybody stop you from obsessing over a character, or a ship, or a show, or whatever thing. Write that fic you think nobody will want to read. Draw the thing that’s been in your head forever. Share your love. There are more people out there waiting for exactly that thing to exist than you think. Write that comment, share your obsessions, never feel afraid to reach out. As for the Thiam fandom, some of the kindest people you will ever meet are in there.

My inbox is always open. For anybody.

On a proper cyclical endnote, Behind the Screens presents Mercy to you! You know what I’m going to say: the conversation doesn’t stop here. Meet her at these places:

Main Tumblr: flyde

Inbox/Ask: flyde ask

AO3: parttimehuman

Thank you for letting us get to know more about you! And thank you all for reading and requesting her. As always, if you have a Thiam Creator that you fan over, send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

@flyde

#thiam #teen wolf #behind the screens #flyde #officialthiamlibrary #mod: minna

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