#hopefully i can return to finish editing my dragon discourse drafts | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hollowwhisperings · 24 days ago

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when you're between hyperfixations and feel your brain drying out even as you try desperately to feed it with older fixations but it won't accept such platitudes it wants something new but no you say i am too tired to think of new things in new ways but yes says your brain i want something shiny and i will not be elaborating further on what that even means

#hey guys i don't think this is depression and anxiety #and i don't think it's just the autism i fought to get diagnosed with either #but fighting to be autistic was enough of a nightmare that i don't feel up to fighting for what i think this is #even though this very situation has been screwing my ability to function in society my entire life #do i go down my pre-prepared list of “possible new fixations”?#or do i channel this restlessness into something “practical”#not that i've ever succeeding in doing that before #it's apathy hours and i hate this part of my fixation cycles #do other people get stuck like this #intellectually i know the answer is “probably” but in practice i just feel like an alien all over again #do they have helpful pamphlets on this phenomena #is there a word for it i can use to find the means to make my own pamphlets?#for once my questions aren't rhetorical #is it socially acceptable to advertise one's mumbling into the void so as to ensure someone who Understands will find it + possibly Advise #probs not but that's what tumblr is for #allegedly #this is where mumbling - nay screaming even - into the void is the default system of communication #hopefully i can return to finish editing my dragon discourse drafts #but that's what i thought about all those other drafts i have #did i ever finish that series of posts on crackships that reveal potential political conspiracies in ASOIAF #or that series on how maternal mortality affects a society and that's why medieval europe frowned on incestuous child marriages actually #it's just that super rich people cared more about retaining power than they cared about life expectancies #oh gods my reddit series on deshret's sages #it got wildly sidetracked by how gay the crocodile king and ibis king were in the tcg novelization #and i wasn't sure how receptive the reddit subsection of genshin fandoming was to uh #fictionalized historic queerness #they'd probs be fine with the interspecies part #though i could defs argue that both kings were actually dragons and thus the same species #my wild theory about the thunderbird is never going to catch on is it #i am going to be so mad if i'm right but no one cared

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