#hoseok angst

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Where Do Broken Hearts Go - Chapter 7- Finale (18+)

Pairing: Model, ex-boyfriend!Jungkook X Child psychologist, Fem!Reader X Lawyer, Single Dad!Hoseok. 

Summary: Jungkook stripped your emotions naked, left you bare in the chilly wind of despair and self-doubt with an unending heartache. You tried your hardest to move on from him, to live for yourself but failed miserably. Each night you had to come back to your empty home where memories and broken dreams were scattered all around the floor, until one day a little angel and her unbelievably beautiful father came into your life. Finally, when you find yourself healing, maybe falling too, Jungkook had to show up! Again!

Theme: Angst, pining, heartbreak, break-up, smut

Warnings: some explicit smut, Jungkook being immature, a little time leap, a fairy tale ending. NSFW!!!

Word count: 5k+

Taglist requests are closed.

Minors and karens are not allowed in this blog

A/N: Guys, we have come to the end. ngl, I am emotional and sad and not ready to let them go yet. but it's been more than 10 months since I started this series and it's the right time to end it. Please let me know about your thoughts in the comment section or in my askbox. More notes at the end.

Main Masterlist

Chapters:- 

Prologue/Masterpost || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 - Finale

There is a lot in Jungkook’s mind. 

He has been trying to calm himself down, trying not to think about you and focus on Jiwon but he has been failing terribly. 

The person he thinks of (or misses) mostly during all of his waking hours is, you. 

He knows he has been a dick to you. He borderline stalked you, invaded your privacy, riled you up and tried to justify his actions even when he should be the last person to do so. 

But he couldn’t help it. 

He still can’t. Just the thought of you belonging to someone else other than him drives him insane. 

Something shifted inside of him after that night. Something shifted so terribly that now he is questioning his life choices. 

He is questioning if he really fell out of love with you or not? ‘Cause if that was the case, his blood wouldn’t boil when your special client almost kissed you. 

Also, he wouldn’t walk up to your door and start questioning you as if he still has some kind of rights over you. 

So, what is it? 

Why does being with Jiwon never seem to be as exciting as it was with you? Why does kissing her never ignite that insatiable hunger you could induce with your lips? Why can’t he picture a future with her like he used to daydream with you? 

Why? 

He misses you! Fuck! He misses you! 

His eyes crave for your one sight, his skin wants your touch, his ears are dying to hear you call his name once. 

He doesn’t realize when he starts crying silently. 

He takes a hold of his phone and opens the gallery. Scrolling through the application he looks for the evidence of your once in-bloom relationship. 

But he finds none.

There is not a single photo. 

No photos from Jimin’s show two years ago, no photos from the last picnic of you two, no photos from the jeju trip, no photos with your parents. Not a single one. 

He frowns at that. 

He very certainly didn’t delete a single file. Then where are those memories? 

“Kook, can you drop me off at the set?” Jiwon speaks from behind the couch. 

He doesn’t pay attention at first, his fingers work vehemently scrolling up and down on the device. 

“Kook!” she almost screams now. 

“What?” Jungkook screams back. 

“What are you so busy with that you can’t even hear me out?” 

“My photos-” Jungkook starts speaking but he stops immediately. 

He never locked his personal phone with a password or whatever, so it remains accessible to almost everyone. Given the fact that he mostly uses his work phone, this particular device stays at home, unlocked.

“Did you.. Did you go through my phone?” he asks finally. 

Suspicion takes over his mind when Jiwon doesn’t say anything for several seconds. 

“I asked you something, Jiwon.” 

“Why? Is there something wrong?” Jiwon raises one of her eyebrows. 

“You know exactly what’s wrong, don’t you?” 

“I don’t think we should be having this conversation now-” “Why did you delete her photos? Who the fuck gave you the right to?” 

Jungkook yells at the top of his lungs, taking Jiwon by surprise. 

“What do you mean I don’t have the right? I am your girlfriend and she is your past, Jungkook! You’re supposed to let her go! Why are you still looking at her pictures?” Jiwon screams back, by the time her sentence ends, she is crying. 

“Because I love her. Yes! Yes, I still love her.” Jungkook yells as if he is realizing the words himself and not just telling Jiwon for the sake of it. The realization hits him like a truck.

“What? What are you-”

“I thought I liked you, Jiwon. But it was an illusion. It has always been her. I never felt for you as intensely as I felt for her.. I feel for her. I- I’m sorry. This is so fucked up! I am sorry to both of you. I misjudged my feelings and now-” 

“Stop it! Stop it! I can’t hear it anymore. Let’s take a break, Jungkook. Let’s take a few days away from each other. It will be fine. It will be fine.” 

Before Jungkook could reply to her, Jiwon runs out of the door. 

He knows he is the main culprit here. He hurt you both. But he also knows nothing can be fine anymore. Not at least between him and Jiwon. 

About you though, he can beg you until you take him back. 

You still love him after all. Don’t you? 

Jungkook feels nauseated as the scene unfolds right in front of him. 

He has come to beg you. He has come to tell you that he would do anything for you to take him back, he even lied for you to open the door. He did all of these only to have you turn your back at him. 

You tell him it’s too late but he is adamant. He silently promises himself that he will win you back but just then his eyes fall on the purple bruises littered all around your throat. 

You look like someone has been kissing you breathless. 

His heart drops at the thought. But he consoles himself, tells himself that you still love him and only him. 

But his fears take shape when a male voice speaks from the dining place of your once shared apartment, “Didn’t you hear what she said? She asked you to leave, Mr. Jeon.” 

Jungkook’s blood starts boiling when he sees it’s the guy from the other day. Your special client. 

So you are most definitely sleeping with him. 

“And who are you to come between us?” he grits through his teeth. Everything he sees is red. 

“I am her boyfriend.” the man replies as he comes to stand between Jungkook and you. 

Jungkook chuckles evilly, “No. You are just a rebound she is using to get over me.”

Jungkook expected the man to retort, to have a crack in his confidence but he only smirks, “I think you are confusing reality with your fantasy, Mr. Jeon.” 

The older guy gives him a flashing smile and continues, “you know her better than me. Do you really think she will be using someone for her own needs and benefits?” 

Jungkook’s heart breaks further. 

He knows you are definitely not a hypocrite. He knows if this guy is in your house, calling himself your boyfriend then he is your boyfriend. 

But he is determined to fight until he can’t anymore. 

He will be fighting until he wins you back. 

He diverts his attention to you again, “Y/N please-”

“Jungkook.. Now is not the right time. Let’s talk. Let’s talk things out but not now. I will text you the time and place. Please leave now. Please do as I say for once.” you cut him off. 

Your calm voice calms him down as well. And he decides to listen to you. 

“You promise to meet me?” 

“I promise.” 

You cover your face with your hands as soon as the door closes behind you. 

You are ashamed, so terribly ashamed of whatever happened that it’s tough to even look at Hoseok. 

He doesn’t deserve this, neither do you. 

“I’m sorry. I- I’m so fucking sorry, Hoseok.” you mumble inside your palms. 

Hoseok’s strong arms wrap around you and pull you into a hug. 

“It’s okay, Y/N. It's not your fault.” Hoseok speaks into your ear with his soft and comforting voice. Stroking your hair with one hand, he pats on your back with another. 

You’re incredibly grateful that you found this man and he likes you as much as you like him. 

If your life had driven Jungkook away to make space for Hoseok, then you would be incredibly happy with the sacrifices you made. 

“You don’t mind me seeing him, right?” you speak into Hoseok’s shoulder.

“No. Not at all. As long as you come back to me… I will be fine.” 

“You can be assured about that. I will always come back to you no matter what.” 

You can’t help but smile to yourself a little at the turn of events. 

Almost two months ago you were sitting at the same restaurant, in the same cabin, at the same spot. You were waiting for the same person but the reason was completely different. 

That day you were all nervous and fidgety. You knew you were aiming at a blind spot and your efforts might be nullified but you were determined to try. 

You were even ready to beg Jungkook if that means he would stay beside you, with you. 

And today, the situation has taken a wild turn. 

You are here to hear him out and today he might become the one to beg you to take him back. Your ego soars high but you know how to keep that in check. 

Jungkook is, as usual, late. 

When he finally arrives, he apologizes a ton of times, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. The traffic was so bad today.” 

“It’s okay. But I don’t have much time, so can you please tell me why you have been pulling all those stunts lately?” you start the conversation. Even though you are very worked up, you try to keep your voice neutral. 

“I- I am sorry, Y/N. I am actually ashamed. I know I shouldn’t have barged into your house like that or question you about your life. But I couldn’t- I couldn’t stop myself. At first I told myself that I am just concerned for you. But later I realized I have been deceiving myself. I have deceived myself for that every second I thought I didn’t love you anymore or I loved someone else. That’s not true. I- I still love you. I love you so damn much.” By the time Jungkook completes, his eyes turn glassy. 

The anger you have felt prior to this moment, vanishes into thin air. Now you feel bad for him. You really do. 

You nod, “I understand. It’s common for us to misjudge our feelings on several occasions but” inhaling a sharp breath you continue, “what’s done can’t be undone.” 

Jungkook leaves his seat and walks around the table to reach where you are sitting and then he is sinking down on his knees, “Y/N please. Please give me another chance. I- I will make things right.” he grabs your hands with his huge ones. Big fat trails of tears roll down his cheeks. 

The scene breaks your heart even further. 

You break his hold on your hands and hold him by his shoulders, hoisting him up on his feet. 

“Jungkook, there is no point in doing this. You know I have moved on.” 

“But- but you still love me. Don’t you? Tell me honestly, Y/N. don’t you still love me?” 

“A part of me will always be loving you, Jungkook. You have given me so much after all.” you give him a small smile, “but I have left that part behind. And now, I’m afraid, I’m in love with someone else." Just the thought of Hoseok puts your mind at ease. 

“Y/N- that guy has a kid!”

You chuckle at his complaint, “and how does that make him less deserving of love?” 

“He is a good human being, Jungkook, and he loves me just as much. That’s more than enough for me. I was never very demanding in the first place, you know that.” 

Jungkook doesn’t seem to understand just yet, “One last chance, please?”

You exhale loudly now. Diverting your eyes from him you murmur, “I love Hoseok, Kook. I really do. Please let me go now. Please?” 

Jungkook burst into tears upon hearing your verdict. You step closer to his body and hold him close to you. You pat on his back to calm him down. 

As a few seconds pass, he seems to stabilize himself. 

“But I won’t be giving up on you. I will wait. I will wait for you to take me back.” Jungkook states with a weird determination. 

You don’t say anything but nod a little. 

If Hoseok says he is completely comfortable with the idea of you meeting Jungkook alone, then it will be a lie. 

Because he is very much afraid of what may come out of this meeting. 

What if you decide to give the guy another chance? 

Hoseok trusts you with the entirety of his heart but sometimes fears are greater than the trust itself. 

This is the fifth time he takes a look at his watch. The meeting is still an hour away and the drive from the restaurant to the school is only fifteen to twenty minutes, so if you come out now, he will have enough time to understand what has been your decision. 

Just when he is about to peek at his watch another time, the restaurant door slides open and you walk out. 

You give him one of your iconic blinding smiles while running towards him to fall back into his arms.

Hoseok is now relieved. 

Because the way you smiled at him, the way you ran to his arms and the way you are placing a kiss on his lips now, tells him that he has nothing to worry about. 

That he has you all to himself now. 

He kisses you back with urgency, as if to confirm that you are really here in front of him. 

“You okay?” Hoseok asked once you are on your feet properly. 

“Umm.. I was fine. But now that I get to see this handsome face of my boyfriend, I feel even better.” you flirt shamelessly. 

God! How can you be this addictive? 

The tip of Hoseok’s ear turn red. He smiles a little sheepishly. He can’t remember the last time he felt this giddy around a woman. 

He squeezes your sides, lips almost find yours to capture in another kiss but a voice interrupted the affectionate moment. 

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” The question is directed at him. When Hoseok looks for the source of voice, he finds your ex, Jeon Jungkook, standing right behind you. 

He leaves your side, you turn around to face the younger man. 

“Jung-”

“Sure” Hoseok cuts you off. 

If Jungkook has something to say, he would make sure to share a piece of his mind as well. 

Hoseok non-verbally asks you to sit in the car while he figures out what in the world Jungkook would say to him. 

Once you are inside the car Jungkook starts speaking, “Just so you know, I won’t give up. I will always be here for her if she decides to come back to me.” 

Hoseok smiles at that “that won’t be necessary, I believe.” 

Jungkook fixes him with a glare, “I don’t know how things escalated between you and her but she-” he pauses at first and then diverts his eyes from Hoseok’s face, looks towards the car, “she is in love with you.” 

“The feelings are mutual.” Hoseok replies, keeping his calm demeanor. 

“Just don’t fuck things up like I did. Don’t hurt her like I-” he doesn’t continue.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.” 

“What did you two talk about?” you seem to be genuinely curious about what your ex boyfriend had to say to your recent boyfriend. 

“You don’t need to know that, sweety.” teases Hoseok. 

You huff at his reply. 

In the span of your short relationship one thing Hoseok got to know about you is that you are incredibly cute when teased and he takes advantage of that knowledge whenever there is an opportunity.

“Okay but just tell me if he cursed you or something like that?” Now he knows that you are worried. 

“Not a chance, Y/N. He wouldn’t get away doing that, I am an attorney, remember?” he gives you one of those smiles that he knows you love way too much to admit.  

You nod. 

“You need to boast about your profession for this upcoming meeting a lot.” you say after a moment of silence.

“I know” Hoseok’s voice turns serious, “but I don’t know if I can do this or not, Y/N. I might just lose my cool.” 

You rest your left hand on his right one. Squeezing the same a little you reply, “I am here with you, Hoseok. I will handle it if things go out of hand, even though I don’t think that'll be the case.”

Hoseok’s mind sets itself on ease. If you are with him, he can do this. If you are with him, he can do anything.

“So.. you want me to believe that my son has been bullying your daughter?” The pitch of Jaemin’s mother’s voice is unnecessarily high and it hurts Hoseok’s ears. But he tries to calm himself down while focusing on your touch where you are holding his hand under the table. 

“Yes.” hoseok voices. 

“Do you have any proof?” the woman cocks one of her eyebrows. 

 “I am the proof myself, Mrs. Park. Being Sua’s therapist, I have gotten the chance to talk to her. Or rather I would say, I have made her talk to me as the child was way too afraid to share anything. And I assure you, your son has been bullying Jung Sua by outcasting her, calling her names that probably he doesn’t even know the meaning of, locking her in dark rooms and by damaging her relationship with her father. All apparently because she doesn’t have a mother.” you complete with a professional tone, something that the other woman can’t dare to defy. 

“B-but he is just seven years old-”

“That’s exactly my point, Mrs. Park. Given the fact that Jaemin is only seven years old, there is no way he knows what illegitimate is. He must have heard it from someone. Someone he could easily pick it up from.” you lean a little towards the table, narrowing your eyes on the woman. 

“What? What are you trying to say? Are you blaming me? That I have bad-mouthed Sua or something?” Jaemin’s mother screams at the top of her lungs. 

“Ma’am please, don’t shout.” the homeroom teacher rushes to stop the woman from yelling. 

“Yeobo! Stop it.” Jaemin’s father tries to do the same. 

He has been quiet from the start and from the looks of it, you can tell that the man is wiser than his wife. He probably understands what you and Hoseok are trying to convey. 

“We have not said anything explicitly. But you are getting worked up anyway, which suggests you are the one he picked it up from. If that’s the case then… just so you know that I can sue you for defaming my family and indirectly torturing my daughter.” Hoseok states flatly, even though his insides are burning already. 

“No. no, Mr. Jung. I am sorry for what has happened. I know my apologies are not enough and these can never undo the mental trauma that my son has caused to your daughter but I promise I will move him to a different school. Just please don’t drag us into anything legal. Please.” the man, who is clearly the oldest in the room, practically pleads Hoseok. 

Hoseok feels a little uneasy but then you squeeze his hand again, giving him a sign to settle the matter here. 

“I am okay with the proposition.” he lets everyone know. 

“Okay. This is settled then.” the homeroom teacher huffs out of relief. 

“We are all good now.” you say as the two of you are outside of the school.

“Thank-”

“Shut it, Hoseok. Thank me one more time and I will run away.” you whine angrily, a little pout graces your pretty lips. Hoseok wants to kiss it again and again.

He laughs instead. 

“Okay okay fine. Let’s go home.” he pulls you closer to his body by holding onto your forearms. 

“Sua is away on a Gwangju trip, right?” you seem to recall it finally. 

“Oh yeah. We can have our own trip tonight, baby.” Hoseok replies, licking on his bottom lips. His eyes drop on the narrow opening of your dress shirt. 

“What trip?” you smirk.

“Sex trip.” he whispers, squeezing on your waist. 

“Oh my god! Ho-Hoseok!” you groan seductively as Hoseok pounds on you as roughly as possible. 

He spreacds your asscheeks with both of his hands to take a look at the spot where his cock is disappearing into your hole. 

“Fuck baby! You are taking me so good. Your little cunt is swallowing my cunt so well, baby.” he praises, you moan as a reply. 

Two of his fingers chase your clit to draw slow, torturing circles.

“God! You are swollen!” he bemoans when his fingers come in contact with your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“Guess who ate me out minutes ago? As if it was his last meal?” you manage to say in between your ragged breaths. 

“Can’t help when you taste so good!” His reply is accompanied with a harsh thrust.

“Hoseok. -seok ah, I’m clo-” and even before you could complete your sentence, you cum.

The sight of you on all fours, drenching his cock while moaning his name, makes the tension in his lower stomach unbearable. 

So he releases inside the condom embarrassingly early. 

You fall on your face on his mattress, he falls on top of you.

“Let me run you a bath, hm?” he says in your hair. You nod. 

“Y/N” Hoseok calls your name as he strokes your hair softly. 

“Hm?” you mumble in his chest.

“I am thinking of telling Sua once she comes back from Gwangju. What do you say?” 

Your heart races at the thought. Honestly, you have been pondering on the topic for the past few days. You totally understand if Hoseok doesn't want to tell her anything just yet. But you also wondered what if she rejects you, unapproves you just as she did with Mina. 

“We should tell her. But-” you let your voice fade.

“But?”

You pull your face away from Hoseok’s chest and look into his eyes, “what if she doesn’t-” 

“I love you. I will be loving you, nothing can change that. And if she doesn’t approve of us together, I will try my best to change her mind.”  He gives you a smile. 

You return the gesture and you find solace in his chest again. 

“Oh I always knew.” Sua is more focused on the cookies you baked her than the conversation, which is indeed very serious. 

“You knew what?” you try to coax the answer out of her. Her father is sitting still with his mouth open ajar. 

“I knew that daddy likes you. And that you like daddy." She bites on the cookie. 

“How did you know it, Sua?” your eyes open much wider than you have ever had them opened. 

“He doesn’t take anyone to the bakery, you know. Not even emo and halmoni. And the way he panicked when I talked about Mina aunty.” the kid giggles. 

Apparently, a seven year old caught on to the feelings of two adults. You two have been that obvious all these time. 

“So… you are okay with Y/N?” Hoseok asks. It is as lf he is asking permission from his parents, which in this case might have been less nerve wrecking.  

“Ummm yeah. I like her and I always wanted a mommy.” Sua smiles at you. Her eyes crinkle. 

Is this what true validation feels like? 

Not what your partner thinks about how your dress or makeup looks or how well you have been taking care of your skin, but a seven year old kid, giving you the place of her mother despite knowing you for less than two months? It is true validation for sure. 

Tears prick your eyes but you are quick to blink those away. 

“I will try my best to be your best mommy, Sua. I promise.” you open your arms wide. Sua takes the invitation and jumps on your embrace. 

You hug her smaller frame, while your smaller frame gets engulfed by Hoseok’s body. You feel his tears on your head. 

A year later

Jungkook was euphoric when he got your message a week ago. You had asked him to meet you at the same place where he broke your heart once and then in turn you broke his. 

But… 

Today he got a good feeling about it. 

It’s been more than a year since he fucked up and lost you. And as if to redeem himself, he waited for you. 

He checked up on you from time to time. He asked to see you, even though you declined. But what’s more important is that he kept telling himself one day you will be coming back to him. 

And he thinks… today is the day. 

He is not late today, rather he came thirty minutes earlier than the time you decided to meet. However, waiting makes him nervous. And waiting for you is overwhelmingly so. 

The cabin door creaks open and he sees you entering.

It’s been more than a year since he last saw you. If there’s anything that has changed by the time, then it’s that you have gotten even more beautiful. 

You look gorgeous in the midnight blue bodycon dress that you chose to wear today. He can’t help but grasp at your beauty. 

And when you smile at him, fully, he loses his breath. 

How the fuck did I even think I fell out of love with her? he thinks to himself. 

“Hey” you chime in, taking the seat across from him, “you are in time.”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to disappoint you. Not this time.” he replies genuinely. But he can see your smile dulling a bit. 

“So..” you start. Jungkook crosses his fingers under the table, “how are you doing, Kook?” 

“I am doing fine, Y/N, at least physically. But mentally, I don’t know. I am- I am not over you yet.” he confesses. 

You sigh, “you should move on, Jungkook. It’s been more than a year. It’s time for you to forgive yourself and move on.” 

“I don’t even want to try, Y/N. I am going to wait for you.” and he is serious about it. 

“Okay. Now let me come to the reason behind wanting to meet you.” you change the topic as you busy yourself in looking for something inside your bag. 

You pull out an envelope and extend it towards him.

One look at it and Jungkook knows what it is and suddenly he can’t breathe at all. 

“I’m getting married next month, Jungkook and I would be very happy if you come to congratulate me and Hoseok.” you look at him as if you are pitying him. 

He laughs. He laughs out loud, “You really are getting married to him?” 

“Yes. Thank you for leaving me back then. If you didn’t leave me, I would have never seen this day or be as happy as I am now.” 

Jungkook tries to find mockery in your voice or in your eyes but what he finds is sincerity. 

You are actually thankful to him for leaving you. 

The heavy door of the waiting room opens as a staff walks in, “ma’am you have a visitor.” she says before standing away from the door and allowing the visitor to come in. 

It’s Jungkook. 

You never expected him to actually come. But he did and you are happy to see him here. 

“Kook.” you call him, making him smile. 

Jungkook ogles at you. You look like a dream come true. You look better than his imagination in which you wore this white gown to take vows with him. 

And it would been him if he was good enough, instead, he had to fuck things up.

“You look beautiful, Y/N. You look perfect.” Jungkook’s genuine words make your heart melt. 

“Thanks. I am glad you came.” 

“I had to. Congratulations. I am happy for you.” Jungkook smiles easily, he extends his hand to invite you into his embrace. 

You accept it. 

A knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N. come out. It’s time.” Mi seon screams from outside. 

“Yeah coming.” you reply, breaking the hug, taking one last look into your ex-boyfriend’s eyes.  

Hoseok had never thought a day like this would come for him as well. 

A day where he would wear an immaculate tuxedo, stand at the pavilion and wait for his bride to walk up to him. 

But it’s happening. 

And it’s happening all because of you. 

It’s safe to say that you have changed his and Sua’s life within this one year. And now he can’t imagine a life where you aren’t there to make it better. 

Sua, too, now loves you more than him, probably. 

His parents love you, his sister cherishes you, his friends call you incredible. 

All in all, he has found heaven in you. And he hopes you found peace in him as well. 

The piano starts playing as you appear at the other side of the aisle, holding your father by his arm. 

You are smiling from ear to ear. Even from a distance he can tell that you are staring right at him. 

You know Hoseok is devastatingly handsome, but he looks even dreamier as a groom. You could cry from just the way he stares at you with eyes full of love. 

Your father squeezes the back of your hand, nodding at you and probably praising your choice in men. 

Initially you were scared of your parents' reaction, of what they might think when they get to know that Hoseok is a single-father and he has never been married before.

But with Hoseok, things can’t go wrong. Your parents accepted him and Sua readily when they got to know his past. 

Now, your parents and Sua are practically inseparable. 

You start walking towards the man of your dream waiting for you to make him yours. 

When you get closer to him, he holds your hands so softly as if you are made of porcelain. 

One by one you take the vows, intertwining your life with his. 

“You may kiss the bride.” The priest says. 

Hoseok lowers his head to catch your lips, “forever?” he asks.

“Forever.” you answer, as you seal your promise for an eternity.      

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Taglist 2:-

@llallaaa @mikrokookiex @parkinglot-nights @hiqhkey @diamonddia-mond @00frenchfries00 @koalasandcuddles @superchamchi88 @ttanniett @coralmusicblaze @multiasf @kookscumrag @sumzysworld @knjjjk @xtrataerrestrial @survivalistghost @kelsyx33 @aann95 @btsffreader92 @jjk174 @dragonflygurl4 @xwniazx

A/N: Thanks thanks thanks to all of you for being incredible readers. I really can't thank you all enough for being so into the story, for interacting with me through the progress, for being as attached to the characters as I am, for being patient whenever I was late to upload. Where Do Broken Hearts Go will remain very close to my heart and your positive reaction is a big part of the reasons why. Just know that Nika loves you. Nika loves every single one of you a ton! <3

[curryshesus]

jeon jungkook fics that own my mind, body, heart, and soul

in other words, this is a collection of my favorite jk fics on tumblr! if you enjoyed any of these fics as much as i did, pls remember to support the authors by interacting with their post.

➺ bitchin - by @kinktae

summary: the 80s were a time of choices. which perm was right for you? what color neon would you wear next? none of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with jeon jungkook.

➺ idealizations concerning real life relations - by @venusiangguk

summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

➺ hotter than hell - by @chateautae

summary: jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant.

➺ jump then fall (into you) - by @writtenwhalien

summary: bringing Jungkook along as your date to your ex’s lavish cruise wedding seemed like a perfect idea at first — all of your family and close friends together, nothing can go wrong… then Jungkook’s ex shows up and all of a sudden you’re in a years long relationship with him. You don’t mind though, really, how hard can sharing a cabin and pretending to be deeply in love with your best friend really be?

➺ too late to dream - by @kookslastbutton

summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

➺ the forgotten spaces- by @oddinary4bts

summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

➺ when the end comes - by @oddinary4bts

summary: Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook? **sequel to the forgotten spaces

➺ falling - by @starshapedkookie

summary: soulmate (noun): a person who is bound to another through the strongest level of emotional and physical connection. one is given a name on the body upon 18 years of age and any transgressions against the laws of soul-bonding will not occur without harm.

➺ love alive - by @jamaisjoons

summary: a year after you and jungkook break up, the two of you meet at your brother’s party.

➺ changes in between - by @taegularities

summary: Becoming the roommate of Jeon Jungkook is the biggest change you’ve ever gotten thrown into - but little do you know that the addition of another man will bring even further turbulence into your (love) life.

➺ falling skies - by @fortunexkookie

summary: Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her brother, Jungkook, was something else entirely. You used to be friends, but then he had gone from endearingly frustrating dumb boy to card-carrying fuckboy so fast it had given you whiplash.

Despite the teasing and fighting, Jiyeon realized how Jungkook felt about you long before he did - it was a twin thing - and if you were her sun, and he was her moon, then she just wished she could show you how he reflected your light.

➺ sugarplum elegy - by @bymoonchild

summary: You know no bounds nor depth with Jungkook. While your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on Soundcloud. All’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. Or, Jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

➺ an abundance of mondays - by @diortae

summary: "why the fuck would it be easy? you’re disgustingly in love with your best friend. of course it’s complicated.” he pauses to roll his eyes, as if he hasn’t just laid out the most secret parts of you here in the middle of the campus dining hall.

➺ five dates - by @kpopfanfictrash

summary: “Ten dates,” he nods, smile tugging at his lips. “Ten dates, to decide if you want this – want me – or want me to go. Ten dates to get to know me. Ten dates,” he says, oddly soft, “to fall in love with me.” Which then becomes five.

➺ here comes the bride, all dressed in pride - by @hansolmates

summary: You and your cousin Doyeon have had beef with each other since the sandbox. When she plucks the last straw, you decide to end your long-simmering fight by claiming that you and her ex—Jeon Jungkook, are now boyfriend and girlfriend

➺ if i told you - by @gukyi

summary: in order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

[stxrvel]

i can fix them (no really, i can't) (m.list)

summary. the holy grail of the seven men who ruled the country's entertainment used to be your friends at school. now, ten years later and between successes and failures, what reason would they have to want to come back into your life?

pairing. eventually ot7 x f!reader.

content. cursing words, angst, suffering, slow burn, eventual-really eventual fluff, mature themes such as drugs and violence. every chapter will have their own warnings at the very top.

a/n. this is the first bts related fic i've ever posted and i hope for the best!! ofc this is inspired by i can fix him by taylor swift in case you were wondering. and this story wasn't really planned (no news for me), but it's all i've been thinking and writing about all this week, so i decided to post it! the chapters list will be posted as soon as i can! love you all and thank u for the support!

bts masterlist

chapter list.

i. the one where everything changes

ii. the one where you came close!

iii. the one where i said fuck you and you cried

iv. good lord (10%)

updates will be weekly or biweekly, depending on the progress of each chapter.

[blublublujk]

i just fucked your girl (and she loved it)

oneshot

word count: 11k

genre: established relationship (reader x namjoon), dark/morally gray characters and decisions

pairings: ghost hoseok x y/n and y/n x fiancé namjoon

summary:

A very lonely, horny ghost comes to haunt your dreams (and fulfills your every sexual desire).

warnings: oh my god get ready this is gonna get long. swearing, cheating?? (is it really cheating if he's dead? i'll let you decide), explicit sexual content; sexual "nightmares", unprotected vaginal sex AND anal (ITS TIME :D), rough sex, sub/dom dynamics, no safe word, submission, dirty talk, hoseok refers to people he comes across as victims (he doesn't force anyone i promise, not unless they want to ofc), masturbation, fingering, petplay? (the reader likes being called kitten), slight hand kink, slut shaming (oopsies), use of spit (oops again), use of lube, hickeys, lots of begging, hoseok's a bit mean but the ending will make it up a bit ISTG, namjoon's an innocent sweetheart, reader feels a lot of guilt, ass play (YAY), rimming (YAY pt2), mentions to gay sex and clown kink (you'll see), hoseok's like a ghost sex worker and the reader sorta manifests him, sex toys, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, spanking, come shot, blowjob, hair pulling, daddy kink, breast play, creampie, a bit of a sad/angsty ending, so sorry if anything is missing I RLLY TRIED

btw there's sex scenes between namjoon and the reader AND hoseok and the reader so they both get their share.

a.n: happy fucking halloween. sorry this got a little sad towards the end, but i hope you guys love it as much as i do. i think i'll live in this world for a while. i'm so obsessed with this probably, my favorite work yet. i think this is my smuttiest work too? idk. i was gonna delete like half of it because i hate myself sometimes but i figured you guys would enjoy something a little longer so i typed and typed until my lil heart desired and this beast was created. btw i finished this at exactly 6:13pm. i thought i'd let yall know, if anyone's as crazy as me :D im so curious what you guys think about this one so feel free to comment (only if you want too ofc ^.^) idk when i'll be back with something new but please be patient with me. i promise im not leaving lol i just get busy. OKIE THIS IS SO LONG SORRY AND ENJOY. byeee <3

p.s. i do plan to write an epilogue cuz this got crazy at the end. so much left unsaid. my brain is sooo... lol

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

--

It was the same damn nightmare. 

For the past three weeks you had been waking up in coldsweat, heart nearly beating out of your chest, breathing so out of control. You could barely hold yourself up.

And still somehow, you woke up drenching your panties of your own slick arousal.

It was the same nightmare from yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that. You would end up in a dark, ominous apartment. It was yours, but somehow different. The apartment was pitch black, flashing red lights from time-to-time, as if someone in the building had pulled the emergency alarm. You would crumble in your bed, closing your eyes and praying it would end soon. That’s when he would appear. 

A man in all black, long dark tousled hair. His teeth were bright, you could tell by the smile on his face while he watched you wither away in your sheets. The glow in his dull, sharp eyes would shine even in the dark. 

He watched as you squirmed in your bed, feeling heavy, unable to stand by your own strength.

“Don’t force it, darling. Take what you need.” The stranger would say with a strong raspy tone, smelling your arousal fall into the sheets below your bottom. You were always bare in your nightmares as if you were waiting and submitting for him.

You couldn’t resist the feeling. At his call, your fingers would come to relieve the ache between your thighs. Playing with yourself as if you were alone, but it was far from the truth. He would watch as you pumped yourself two fingers deep, sighing and whimpering, satisfied that you no longer felt empty. 

Sometimes, well no most times, he would join you in your nightmares. He would tear your hands from your leaking cunt sparing mercy and you would complain against your sheets. The stranger wasn’t that bad, not for long at least, because he would fill you with his own two fingers, his eyes would dilate watching you fall apart. He was smooth and precise, he would curve his fingers, hitting your g-spot right on target, loving the sinful sounds you made as you arched your back and yelled moans without holding back. 

Once he was satisfied and right as you were about to explode, he would pull away, whipping his hard, swollen cock out of his pants and tugs on himself, forcing you to watch as he pleased himself . Of course you wanted it, but this was so wrong, very wrong. 

The worst part is he wouldn’t just give it to you, he would make you beg for it. “Talk to me baby, you want it?”

You would shake your head, denying him and trying to pull yourself from under him, but realistically it is all you wanted. You wanted to taste the beads that fell from the slit of his hard cock. He was fucking big and that itself made you go fucking insane, his hands wrapped around his length nicely. You tried to stop your thoughts from going any further, but your imagination was a powerful thing, thinking about how his pretty hands would feel wrapped around your throat instead of his dick. 

“Oh, you don’t? Maybe I’ll just leave you like this then.” He would say and it fucked with your head. 

That was the last thing you wanted. “But– m’ so empty.”

��Then beg for it slut, you don’t have to be empty and lonely for long.” His tongue was smooth and wet against your skin as he licked down your throat, sucking little marks onto your skin. He had you wrapped around his fucking fingers and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it. You wanted to move but at the same time, you wanted him to have his way with you. God can forgive you for this later. 

“I c-can’t.” 

“What a shame. I’ll just take care of myself and leave you here to watch.” He would start pumping his cock faster, tugging at the crown of his length. 

You made an agonizing sound of complaint. “Please.”

“Please what little kitten?” 

He was mean. So mean. 

And you were fucking stupid. 

“Please, f-fuck me.” You begged so sweetly.

The man would smile sinisterly before shoving himself deep inside you, forcing a scream of pleasure. He was not gentle in any way and you fucking liked that. As sick as it was.

He fucked you like his only mission was to make you come and drive you insane, pushing your legs far apart and brutally fucking deep into your walls.

He would watch you fall into your sheets, murmuring noncoherent words, completely submitting to the stranger you fell apart in his complete mercy. 

What an honor. 

“That's it baby. Squirt all over my dick.” His voice was always deep and you swore you could hear a smirk between his words. 

Like magic his words would rip intense orgasms out of you and he would fuck you through them all until you eventually collapsed unconscious.

You wake up in a gasp, the wet feeling between your legs nearly makes you gag. 

This can’t be. Not again.

“Baby, wake up.” A voice calls gently, soft hands soothe your back, patting and rubbing gently. “It’s just a nightmare, love. I’m here.”

“Joonie?”

“Yes baby. I’m here, go back to bed. I’ve got you.” His calm voice manages to settle the beating drum of your heart and still, this is the exact problem with these recurring nightmares. 

Even as your fiancé rubs circles into your back, all you can think of is the hands of that strange man that would fuck you into a delrious state. You hated it. It felt too close to cheating. 

If only Namjoon saw what your nightmares truly consisted of, he would be horrified and disgusted. Every night was worse, the guilt slowly started building in the pit of your stomach as you would daydream about the nightmare over and over and over. 

…

“You okay baby?” Namjoon’s voice was gentle, aware that your mind was somewhere else during dinner.

“I- yes.” But you weren’t okay. Not one bit. Flashbacks of the man in your nightmares would haunt your thoughts. These nightmares would play in your head like old memories.

His hooded eyes watching as you fucked yourself open. He would whisper things like, ‘that’s it kitten, so fucking wet all for me’ and ‘good kitten, nice and tight for me’. 

“Imagine what your fiancé would do if he saw the way you squirm in my hands. He could never fuck you the way I could, kitten. Isn't that right? Only I fuck you exactly the way you like it. My little submissive kitten.” 

“Please.” Begging is all you could muster to do in your dreams. You felt pathetic. You never wanted someone so bad. The guilt only grew stronger when you realized you were fucking addicted to your own dreams. You started chasing these nightmares. 

What was wrong with you? 

“Baby?” Namjoon called your attention once again, smiling apologetically. “You feeling okay? Your face is quite flushed.”

Your hands fall onto your face feeling the slight burn against your palms. “Sorry. I’m okay, just a little hot in here is all.” 

“It’s the end of October baby. It’s been really cold out. I’m surprised you aren't begging me to warm you up by now.” He tries to carry the conversation into a lighter, more casual matter. 

A nervous smile breaks out onto your lips, as you brush a piece of hair out of your face. “Must just be experiencing hot flashes. It happens when I’m a bit more stressed than usual.”

“Anything you wanna talk about? You know you can talk to me.” He’s sweet and present for you as usual. You feel your heart drop thkining about how this is what you are missing out on by feeding into those stupid fucking nightmares. Something had to change. 

Wake up, Y/N. 

“Yeah, I know babe. It’s nothing to worry about. Just work stuff.” You make an excuse for yourself and it seems to work, for now. 

“Mm, okay. Don’t be afraid to come to me for anything. I don’t want you suffering alone.” Your fiancé places a hand on top of yours, squeezing it softly. 

“Thank you, Joonie.” This time you give him a real smile, but the guilt still stays hidden deep inside you watching as he reciprocates the smile back at you.

“There’s my beautiful bride-to-be. Stop worrying so much baby. Maybe you should take some time off from work. You know sleep usually makes you feel better. It always has. My sleepy girl.” 

And there it goes and hits you all at once again. 

Guilt. So much guilt. Sleep doesn’t even feel enough these days. The nightmares make you feel as if you never rest. You are clearly aware that dreams aren’t real life, but you even wake up sore from them. It’s scary how realistic it all feels. Maybe that’s why this makes it worse for you. Everything feels too real.

“Yeah… I’ll think about it.” But you won't because time off means resting and resting means more sleep and more time for these nightmares to keep haunting you. It’s like you will never win. 

“Eat your dinner baby, it's getting cold.” 

—-

The daydreams continue even at work. 

“Let me see that perfect ass, kitten. Turn around for me.” 

It’s like he completely owns you, hypnotized by his voice. You immediately present for him, face down and ass up sitting so nicely. 

“Fuck kitten, look at you. Tell me, does that lame fiancé of yours ever play with this ass?” 

You whimper a ‘no’ feeling a glob of spit drip into your unused, virgin hole. His thumb caressing the wet ring of muscle, watching you clench around nothing.

“I’ll change that soon, kitten. Just how you like it.” 

Namjoon wasn’t necessarily opposed to butt stuff, the one time you mentioned it he briefly dismissed it. Granted, he was busy at the time with some work, and you were too embarrassed to bring it up again. 

It seems you got lucky nonetheless. 

The man blows hot air into your wet hole, his lips felt soft against your ass. He would leave a kiss here and there before his tongue peaked out and circled around your rim. 

“Yes, yes, yes.” You weren’t the most vocal sexual partner yet somehow, under his touch, you were the loudest. 

Moans fell dangerously loud from your lips as he would continue to fuck his tongue deep inside your ass. Stopping every few seconds to stare at your puffy rim, gaping around nothing. Fuck, what a sight for sore eyes you were. 

“Please.” 

“What baby?” His palm was heavy against your ass, watching it bounce back. 

“More.” You would beg. 

“Anything.” He would purr back. 

A thumb circled around the velvety muscle before pushing right in, fucking his thumb alongside spit that dripped from his mouth. 

Yes. Just how you like it.

“Y/N?” Your coworker brushes a hand against your shoulder. “You doing okay?” 

“Shit– yeah, my bad Yoona. I’ve just been feeling a bit sick lately, I think I’m coming down with a cold.” Which is a complete lie, but how do you tell your coworker you’re having wet daydreams about another man (who by the way only exists in your imagination) that isn’t your fiancé and that it is taking over every part of your life and that the guilt of it all sits heavy on your chest as days pass by and there is nothing you can do about it, but indulge in these dreams and practically live in them because you’ve become an addict. 

Yoona breathes out a light hum. “You don’t seem sick.” 

Fuck.

“Yeah… well it’s just starting, my throat feels dry and sore these days.”

“Maybe you should take a day off?” She suggests. 

“Yeah, maybe.” You agree just so she gets off your back. 

“You’ve been working a lot these days anyways. I’m sure Mr. Gyun wouldn’t mind if you called off. You’re one of his favorites anyways.” She laughs and you fake a smile. 

“Yeah, right. I’ll think about it. Let's just focus on work. We need this revised and sent off by Monday.” 

“Sure sure. But I’m being serious, take a day off or two, you look like you need it. You seem… tired?” She says, worrying by the sound of her tone. 

Because you know she will never let this go, you reassure her. “Yoona, I love you to death, but don’t worry too much, okay? I’ll take some time off if it gets worse. Thank you, really.”

“Alright, just looking after you Y/N. Your soon-to-be husband would kill me if I didn't.”

“I’ll tell him you’re doing a great job, now back to the transcripts…”

—-

You knew the night would eventually come. 

There was only so much you could ignore and forget. 

A sudden rush of heat wakes you from one of your nightmares, the jolt in your body scaring Namjoon awake beside you. You knew that he meant no trouble, but he gave you the face of ‘this again?’ and you could no longer push it aside. 

“Baby?” Namjoon’s voice is tired and filled with sleep, but he asks anyways while patting your back gently, as he always does when this happens like the sweet fiancé he is. “What happens in these dreams anyways?”

How do you tell your husband-to-be and boyfriend of seven years that you get completely ruined by another man in your sleep? 

Namjoon was far too sweet and innocent to get mad at you for this and you knew that. Yet the guilt never stopped you from feeling terribly about the situation. 

“You won’t be upset with me?” Your voice comes out as a whisper. 

Namjoon stands to turn on the nightlight by the bed before he lays back and wraps his strong arms around your waist. “Baby, look at me.”

With heavy eyes, you look back at your fiancé. 

His palm cradles your soft cheek, pushing a loose hair behind your ear. “I could never be upset with you, my love. It might help to talk your nightmares through. I’ll be right here with you baby.”

With shaking hands, you take a deep breath. “Well, I don’t know where they come from, but there’s this man in my dreams.” 

Namjoon raises a brow, doing his absolute best to understand you even while the clock reads in bold 3:44am. 

“This man, he’s dressed in all black. He— he has these dark eyes.” 

“Dark eyes?” 

“Yeah, he— his eyes are dark, sharp all around, it’s sinister.” 

“Okay. What happens?” He whispers, pulling you even closer into him, your hand falls into his chest for comfort.

“He— he…” You struggle finding the right words. 

Namjoon’s eyes go wide. “Baby, d-does he hurt you?”

No. Of course not. In fact, he does the opposite. The man pleases you until you can’t give him anymore and he leaves you with sore limbs and the burning stretch between your legs as a reminder of what he’s done to you and what he’s capable of. 

You quickly shake your head. “No but he- he touches me and does things to me.”

“Oh honey, why would I be mad at you about that? That’s completely unacceptable. Nobody should be touching you or doing things to you if you don't want it. I see now why this bothers—” 

“Joonie, I feel,” you start and swallow the awful feeling in your throat, “ I feel like… if I've been cheating on you.”

“Baby, I know you would never. They’re just nightmares after all. It’s not like you enjoy it baby.” This is what you mean by Namjoon’s too innocent and kind-hearted to see past the lines between your words. 

“But- I.”

“Wait… do you? Do you enjoy them?” Namjoon almost looks hurt to ask the question, but he’s quick to reassure you. “It’s okay baby, if you do.” 

“I do.” You whisper like it’s some dirty secret.

There’s a pregnant pause before Namjoon pulls you completely flush against his body, rubbing circles behind your back. “It’s okay baby, it's okay. They’re just nightmares. They mean nothing.” 

He kisses your hair for comfort and you let out a sob because they are much more than that to you and you know it. They are all you can think about. Shit, you think if you were given the chance, you would actually let that man have his way with you in real life. And it makes you feel disgusting because you know you enjoy this dynamic way too much.

At first, it was terrifying, you didn’t know the man and he, well he just became a weakness and you wanted him so bad, as much as you hated to admit it. Your imagination was a powerful tool. Why you and why with him? Why couldn’t your dreams be with Namjoon, your high school sweetheart?

“I’m so sorry, Joonie. For all these long nights. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The nightmares don’t stop, in fact they only feel longer and they get worse.” You cry into his chest. 

“I know honey, it’s not your fault. Just think of me whenever you feel this way, okay?” He pulls back, wiping your tears off with his sleeves. Your fiancé was so fucking sweet and that’s why you fell in love with him in the first place. He was never angry at you or disappointed. Namjoon was always patient with you and a complete sweetheart. God, you’re so fucking stupid. 

“And I’m not mad at you, okay? I never will be. Those nightmares mean nothing to me. I love you Y/N.” Your fiancé whispers into your hair, kissing the side of your face. 

Namjoon has always been way better than you because had you been in his shoes, you couldn’t phantom hearing about him enjoying the presence of another woman. He knew only one part of this story. Namjoon doesn’t know that you spend evenings, the time you have the house alone while he’s off at work, fucking yourself to this strange man’s voice in your head. That you open yourself up just how you do in your nightmares and you swear you hear his voice telling you to keep going. You swear you hear him calling your name asking you about how Namjoon would feel about this. Like if his whole purpose is to make you feel worse about the situation. He’s ruining your life and you’re letting him. You think you’ve given up and it’s just started.

“I- I love you too.” You reply.

Namjoon smiles apologetically, hands gentle against your skin. “Let’s sleep?”

You nod and he pulls you against his hard chest, rubbing your back while he attempts to lull you back to sleep. It eventually comes, but not before you wake to those dark eyes again and the nightmare continues. This time you don't even fight it. He fucks you until you feel yourself collapse and you swear nothing has ever felt better. 

…

The next morning Namjoon gently shakes you awake. “Good morning my love, you slept through your alarm. I figured you could take a day off so I called your boss to let him know you couldn’t come in today. I hope you don't mind.” 

“Joonie?” Your voice is the cutest in the mornings (according to Namjoon), he smiles watching you struggle to wake up. 

“Yes, my baby. I’m just getting ready to leave for work, but I wanted to say goodbye before I leave.”

Well, it’s not like you have a choice so you accept your fate. “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

“No problem, honey. You slept quite well. You didn’t even wake up this time! Did it help? Talking through it?” Again, Namjoon could be so clueless. 

The only reason you slept this well is because you were fucked into oblivion in your dream. As unbelievable as it may sound, you even felt sore down there. But he doesn’t have to know that, so he’ll just go off to work thinking that cuddles and his sweet words drifting you back to sleep actually worked. 

“Yeah… yeah it did. Thank you again. Have a nice day at work.” You say, still warmly tucked in bed. 

“I will, baby. ” He drops a peck into your cheek, smelling the fresh scent of his aftershave. “Call me if anything. See you later, my love.”

And like that you are left alone once again. The only thing that remains is the fluffy feeling of his plump lips buzzing against your cheek, a faint reminder that you are loved and have been for years, while you think about another man, one that only exists in your deepest darkest of dreams. 

—-

Hoseok doesn’t remember how it happened. All he knew is he was standing in a place unknown, sensing there was another being in the room with him. 

It's not his first time around a mortal human. No, in fact he had so much experience with lustful humans with all kinds of desires and wishes, but it has been quite long since he was manifested this strongly into someone’s dreams. 

His favorite part was watching them act as if they didn’t ask for it. Call for him. They would lie and say that they could never fuck a dead being. A ghost at that. As if they didn’t manifest him themselves. 

It's not like it was Hoseok’s fault for dying young and handsome and that now he tends to people’s guiltiest pleasures. It's not like he has anything better to do in the after-life. In reality, he’s doing people a grand fucking favor. The best thing about fucking a dead ghost is there’s absolutely no consequences, at least that’s what he always tells his victims. Unless you get addicted to one, then that’s really a personal problem. They can’t stay on mortal land forever, but for the time being Hoseok has become attached to his time here. Especially with his new little mortal toy. 

When he first heard the calling, he almost missed it. He was fucking another mortal, a man in his mid-twenties to be exact. The man had called for him in his dreams and he attended to his duty with pleasure. 

This man had a thing for clowns and Hoseok wasn’t no fucking clown, but he did his best to please him. His outfit was in all black (of course, it was his favorite color) and fit him quite well though it was different from his usual style, even down to the clown hat and all.

The guy would scream under Hoseok as he would pound into him like some fuck-doll and would have him come undone within minutes. He was so fucking easy to please. They always are.

When Hoseok came to you the first night. That’s how you found him. He still had the same outfit on (he was ripped from the last dream) and his hat had nearly fallen off in the process, but he was pleased when he came across his next victim. You were beautiful. 

“Who— who are you?” You screeched, covering yourself up, cheeks flushed. You had been doing unspeakable things to yourself in the dream. “What are you doing in my room?!”

Hoseok smiles. God, they always are the same. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to and don’t mind me, keep doing what you were doing before I had rudely interrupted.”

The stranger goes to sit by the vanity in your room, making himself extremely comfortable as if it is a regular Tuesday night for him. 

You try to stand and it's like something washes over you. The strange force pushes you back down and you have no choice but to take it. 

The man chuckles, throwing his hat aside. “Don’t hurt yourself trying. Just let your instincts guide you. Tell me what it is you want, this will all go much smoother and much faster.” 

The stranger in black winks and you feel disgusted (though your pussy doesn’t seem to agree with you).

Still you manage to say, “I want you to get out of my fucking room. I’m about to get married, you know and he’ll fucking kill you.” 

“Ohhh.” He purrs, standing as he walks across the room. He stops a couple steps from your bed and leans down to match your height. “But you asked for me to come, baby. So guess what? Now I am your problem.”

He pinches your nose, wrinkling his own in the process and flashes a charming smile. 

You swat his hand off you almost immediately. “I— I didn’t ask for anything. I don’t even know you and I don’t want to know you.” 

“Mm, but soon we’ll know each other very well. Let’s not fight this.” The man’s voice is silky and you could practically see the sinful desire in his eyes while they take in your naked figure. 

You have no idea what he even means by that, but right now you could care less. This is just a nightmare and soon enough, he will disappear and you will get to go back to doing what you were doing before he ever existed. 

“Leave me alone please.” 

The guy puts his hands up clearly coming and going in peace, while retreating back a few steps. “Whatever you say princess. I’ll be back when you’re ready.” 

And just like that the man disappeared into a black distorted shadow. 

He shows up only three nights later. 

This time he catches you on your knees, riding a dildo on your bed. You don’t even hear him until he’s in front of you. Your hips stop mid roll. Whimpering as you feel the tug on your hair.

“Seems you’re ready.” He rasps, having a strong grip on your hair forcing you to look up at him. 

“I— who the fuck are you? Seriously? What do you want with me? I know I’m dreaming and I can wake up any secomd so what the fuck do you want with me.” This time you don’t even entertain him. It’s clear this man has his own vulgar intentions, you wanna skip the small talk. He doesn’t seem like the type to give up until he gets exactly what he wants. 

“The better question is what do you want with me. You manifested me after all, darling.” 

Your eye twitches at the pet name, but you ignore it, for now. “But— I don't know you. How is that fucking possible?”

Even though he knows you won't understand it completely, he still answers truthfully. “I’m dead baby. Anything is possible.” 

Great, so you’re just supposed to believe this man is some ghost haunting you in your dreams. Perfect!

This time you don’t ignore his stupid use of pet names. “S-Stop calling me that.” 

“Oh?” The man pouts, and to be honest that does something to you. If the situation was different maybe you would admit he looks fucking sexy, even if he’s a menace. 

His brows furrow, his jawline clenching as he speaks. “Is there another pet name you like? We’re already getting farther than last time, princess.” 

You don’t even attempt to hold back the scoff, your eyes roll back. “No. I don’t— I didn't ask for you and I don’t want you bothering me anymore. Just please leave me alone. Please.”

The man groans, looking down at you with hooded eyes, the fist in your hair grips harder reminding you that he still had you under his control. “God, but you sound perfect begging. Are you sure of that, kitten?”

The man's voice drops in a sultry tone, nearling purring while he speaks. And somehow, that manages to slip a whine from your throat, nearly drooling at the sight. 

Your eyes immediately widen. “I— I didn't mean that.”

“Oh, so that’s what you like.” The man smiles, petting your head affectionately. You were fucked. “Of course you didn't. You were so close weren't you, kitten?” 

You shake your head, you’re unable to look away, but at the same time you want to throw his hands off you. You felt completely powerless under his gaze and you were liking it a lot more than you would like to admit. 

“Don’t bother lying to me princess, I can smell it. You were so fucking close.” He whines the last part, biting his bottom lip, he seems to breathe in the scent. “So fucking close. I’m sorry. I always join at the worst times, you can continue.” 

He offers like a fucking weirdo, pervert and still you disgustingly want it. 

“I said, don't call me that!” Your hand flies to his and forces it off you. 

“Then talk to me.” He’s rough, but firm with his tone. 

“No. I don’t- can't and I won't. Go bother someone else.” 

“I can’t. You asked for me and you brought me here. Now you have to deal with this.” He doesn't attempt to put his hands back on you, but he does let his gaze wander seeing as you still haven’t moved from your dildo. 

“This is bullshit. It’s just in my head anyways. If I close my eyes it’s like you aren’t even here. Now let me fucking come in peace.” Your eyes closed in the middle of your rant and he seemed to listen. Hoseok backs off, watching you from your wall to be exact, but he lets you take care of yourself. That’s what he’s there for after all. 

After a few seconds of calming yourself down and regaining your arousal, you slowly lift yourself up feeling the dildo pull against your walls and you drop yourself back down. 

Hoseok was right, you weren’t too far away from coming, but he messed up your pace and now you have to work yourself back up. 

It doesn’t take too long before you set a quick pace, fucking yourself onto the silicone length. 

Truly it wasn’t that you and Namjoon’s sex life was bad, in fact he was the best fuck of your life (not that you had much experience given he was your high school sweetheart) but after years of being together, things had changed, a lot. 

You don’t even remember the last time you guys got creative in bed, besides a few vibrators from time-to-time. It was starting to get boring and you didn't want to admit this to him, but you wanted so much more. It's like your body was begging for it. And you didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying it, so instead you kept it to yourself and the sexual frustration built up overtime making it impossible not to think about constantly. 

You gasp when you finally open your eyes to find the man watching you with heavy lidded eyes from your wall, he’s not even touching himself, but you can see he’s hard in his pants. 

He licks his lips as he watches you jump down on the dildo ferociously. Your eyes make contact and that's when everything seems to explode.

Moans start slipping from your lips and you feel the knot in your stomach start to build quickly. The silicone molds around your walls perfectly, feeling the tip brush against your sweet spot repeatedly, fisting the sheets below you. 

Hoseok’s nose seems to flare and he can practically taste your arousal in the air. He watches as you bounce on that useless dildo, wishing it was his cock instead. Your mouth falls open, drool nearly spilling while you feel the knot coming undone.

It isn’t long before Hoseok finally decides to speak and it does wonders. “Come, you fucking slut.”

Fuck.

On call, you come and he’s forced to watch you moan and writhe against your sheets, feeling the dildo slowly push out of you. 

He pushes himself off the wall and comes towards you and you feel too exhausted to push him away. You are laying in the middle of your bed now, dildo still between your legs but it’s fallen out. 

You feel as he pushes the dildo back inside you overstimulating your used hole as he fucks it into you deeply. You really, really shouldn't let this happen. You are going to be a married woman soon for fuck’s sake, but it all feels so fucking good- risky yet new, so you can’t help but to feed into temptation. 

Sadly, your body denies it, for now at least. “N-No I can't. Not anymore.”

His action comes to a halt. “I know. Maybe next time, kitty.” 

And he disappears once again. 

Disappointment and guilt builds all too quickly. 

Disappointed that he didn’t stay and fuck you until you passed out. And guilt that you just came in the eyes of another man and on his call. 

—-

As expected, you spend your whole day off thinking about the stranger. The way he looks at you, the way he bites his bottom lip while taking you in. The way he grips your hair and clenches his sharp, symmetrical jawline when he has you falling apart in his hands. You could feel his touch, it’s impossible you know, but it all feels too real and it all happens so fast. 

He had a name now. He told you in one of your dreams while he was taking you from behind. 

“Say my name kitten. Who’s fucking you this good? Fuck, what a sight from behind. You’re just perfect all around, aren’t you?” Hoseok’s hands grip onto your ass cheeks, fucking into your pussy brutally. He hasn’t stopped pounding into you and it’s already been ten minutes. Maybe more? Maybe less? You stopped counting. Good dick leaves you feeling stupid. 

“H-Hoseok.” You whimper into your pillow, you think you have officially lost your fucking mind. 

“What?” You swear you can hear the smirk on his lips. 

“Hoseok.” You’re louder this time, but your voice is muffled, face falling into your pillow. 

“Louder slut!” There’s a sting on your ass and he has a fistful of your hair, lifting your face from up the pillow while he continues to ram into you from behind. You realize you are so fucking close and he knows it too, you try to meet his strong thrusts, but it’s no use because it knocks the air from under you. He manages to hold you up with a strong grip. “Fuck, fuck. You’re so tight around me, kitty. You gonna come on my dick now like a good slut? Huh?” 

“Yes!” This time your voice is loud and you scream without holding back. “Hoseok! Hoseok! Oh, nghh… fuck, Hoseok!” 

His name falls from your lips over and over while you come on his cock, just like he asked of you. That satisfies him enough and he squirts his own orgasm all over your plump ass, watching you come down from your own afterglow.

You had come to the fucked conclusion that the only way to possibly fucking fix something like this (as sick as it may sound) is to fuck it away. You had to tell Namjoon, maybe experiment a bit more just so you can finally get this man out of your head. Regain your peace of mind. Namjoon would do anything you’d ask of him, you could assure that. You just had to find a way to tell him so he wouldn’t feel it was his fault or as if he was lacking. Or you could just not tell him. 

Either way you think fucking this away would help for the time being at least.

Sex is a very special and intimate practice and that’s genuinely how it always felt with Namjoon. He always took his time with you and fucked you slow and deep. 

Before, you will admit that it was nice and that’s why he attracted you so much but now, you don’t want it to be nice or slow. You want someone to play rough, break your limits, and touch you in places you haven’t been touched before. You want to be tossed around, fucked until you can’t speak any coherent sentences. Was that just too much to ask for? 

(Hoseok sure didn't think so.)

Right as you had finished cooking dinner, Namjoon made his way through the front door, setting his work bag down by the coat rack.  

“You’re cooking?” Namjoon asks, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in for a quick kiss. “Smells good.” 

“Yeah, I figured you deserved a nice meal to come home to. I didn’t have much else to do.” You swiftly kiss him back.

Namjoon pulls you in closer, arms holding you tightly. He still smells as fresh as he did when he first left. “I told you to rest, my love. You didn’t have to do anything.” 

“I know, I know. I really wanted to though. Let’s just eat, we'll talk after.” He nods and kisses your cheek once more. 

“Let's eat then.”

…

Namjoon decides a movie night is needed on a night like tonight. 

You were more clingy than usual (and of course, he loves it). So he puts on a random movie and allows you to cuddle him up to the fullest of your extent. 

“You’re so cuddly today, my love.” Namjoon whispers into your hair, mid-movie. 

“I just missed you is all.” And you really did, it's been long since you and Namjoon had an intimate night (maybe since these dreams started), you think it's finally time. 

He smiles rubbing his hand down your arm. “I missed you too honey.” 

You lift your head from his chest and lean in slowly, he immediately picks up on the drift and leans down to meet your lips. 

His lips are soft against yours, kissing you with gentle movements. His palm comes to rest on your cheek while you escalate the kiss. 

Your tongue comes up slowly and he lets you in quite easily. You take a hand and rake it down his chest, pulling yourself on his lap carefully. 

You start to slowly whine your hips, making it all too obvious about what you need and want. Namjoon follows along without complaints. 

“Do you wanna?” Namjoon asks, a bit breathless, bringing his forehead against yours. 

“Yes.” You whisper. “Yes, please.”

Namjoon smiles and steals one last kiss before he attempts to stand, thinking it would be best to move this to the bed, but you hold him down with a shove to his abdomen. 

“No. I want it, right here.” You say, finding yourself a little breathless yourself, you needed this. 

His eyes seem to widen for the moment, but he seems to agree and pulls you back in for a kiss, this time he lets his tongue push into your mouth further exploring. He tastes the sweet tang of red wine on your tongue and he groans into the kiss. 

You pull back only for a second as you get rid of your shirt and he starts to unbutton his own. Once the shirts are off, you tug your bra off freeing your breast and bring your lips back together with great force. 

Though he doesn’t complain, Namjoon is in shock. He hasn’t seen you this needy and desperate in years, he thinks? Or at least he doesn’t remember it like that. He lets you rut against his already hard member and kisses you with equal passion.

The next time he pulls away, he tugs on your leggings and he helps you out of them. Typically your panties come down with it, but you decide you’ll just push them aside. You return the offer by pushing his jeans down, including his briefs, his dick slaps against his stomach weighing heavy. 

Your mouth instantly waters, but right now you want him inside the rest will just have to come another time. 

Namjoon looks at you with so much love and admiration and for a minute, the guilt comes crashing down. You want him, you know you do so why is the guilt still there? Is it because even as you have your lover right where you want him all you can think about is how the stranger (Hoseok) from your dreams would have had you flipped onto the couch and had his way with you hours ago. Maybe he would have fucked you against the kitchen counter, defile the damn marble. Maybe he would have taken you right against your front door, like the slut you wanted to be for him. All you know for sure is he wouldn’t have let this much time pass. 

You shake your stupid thoughts away and look back up at your fiancé. This is where you want to be. Where you fucking belong. Without letting your imagination run wild, you rub yourself against Namjoon’s hard length, spreading your arousal all over him. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet baby.” He bites a moan back, feeling your warm juices, slicken his cock. 

You moan against his mouth when you feel the tip latch on to your hole, slowly sinking down on him. You feel his cock stretch your warm walls and he feels he could come already. It's just been so long (can anyone really blame him). 

You bring your hips up a bit before crashing back down feeling the burn on your tight heat. 

“So warm and tight baby.” His hands land on your hips, toying with the band of your panties. “Come here.”

Namjoon brings you flush against his chest slowing your movement, his lips crash into yours. The kiss feels much different from before. He doesn’t hold back, as soon as your tongue clashes with his, he sucks and bites it playfully. You groan into his mouth, accidentally squeezing harder against his length. 

“Fuck baby, just like that.” His dick twitches deeply against your velvety walls, you can tell he’s holding back. “I think I’ll come soon if you continue like this.”

Like hell, you’ll let him come now, you’ve barely had your fill. Without no desire to, you slowly slide off his dick, dropping knees first onto the cold floor below you. 

“Baby–” Namjoon starts, but you push his hands away as he tries to pull you back up.

“Let me do this, you’ll last longer.” He hesitates, but eventually surrenders, laying his hands aside. “Don’t be scared to use your hands, use my mouth, Joonie.”

Fuck. How could his own perfect, sweet wife-to-be sound this seductive? He hasn’t heard you talk this way since college. And it’s been years since that. He thought the years of young, hot sex were over but he’s been wrong all along. His fiancée was the sexiest woman in the world, that he was sure of. 

Namjoon’s hands find your hair and push you towards his glistening length. It’s already drying, shame, you thought, let’s keep it warm and wet. 

Wrapping hands around it, you take his cock into your mouth, sliding your tongue across the slit, hearing a raspy moan come from Namjoon’s throat. “That’s it baby, God your mouth feels incredible.”

The tip of his cock weighs heavy against your tongue. He’s breathing heavy, while he watches you take him in further. You warm his cock with your mouth just as nicely as when you were on top of him. 

Hollowing your cheeks, you take him as far as you could go, hearing his desperate grunts. Namjoon takes a grip of your hair (he’s still very gentle with it and you try not to be disappointed) and pushes you just a bit further, feeling your throat stretch around him. “F-Fuck baby. I really won’t last.” 

You tap his thigh and he immediately lets go when he sees your eyes water. You pull off with a pop to catch your breath. “I know.”

Your voice is raspy and it’s the sexiest thing Namjoon has ever heard. And you know exactly how to make this whole situation better. Sometimes, a little whiny purr in your voice is all that’s needed to get exactly what you need. “I just want you to come down my throat. Please, fuck my throat daddy.”

Now if Namjoon wasn’t sure he could bust before, he could definitely nut in your fist right in that instant. Yes, he has a daddy kink, sue him. 

“Come here.” Namjoon demands, doesn’t hesitate this time to tug you up a little harder and place you in his lap, before he shoves your back against the couch.

“W-What are you doing?” You ask, but the answer is pretty obvious when you see him line his cock up to your hole.

“Fucking you. I’m gonna come inside you. Don’t worry baby, I won’t stop fucking you until you are statisfied.” It’s like music to your ears, his hard member slaps against your clit before he slowly eases back inside you. 

Both moaning at the feeling, he lets you adjust for a few seconds, but you waste no time to wrap your legs around his hips and pull him close. 

“Please daddy, just fuck me.” You whine into his ear. 

This time Namjoon pulls back and right before he slides out, he slams back in, balls smacking into your ass. He fucks you just like that for a while. He’s fast but skilled, finding your sweet spot quite easily. It reminds you both of older times, when things were much easier, when you were both young and easily influenced.

You moan loudly into his neck, toes curling as he fucks his dick deep inside you. “Right there daddy, please don’t stop.”

Sweat starts forming on his forehead and his hair that had once been held back by gel begins sticking to skin. It isn’t a surprise to feel him thrust harder and faster, his tongue poking at his cheek as he concentrates. “Fuck baby, I really missed fucking you just like this. You feel so tight around me, look so fucking sexy, just like this baby.” 

You eat up his praise, biting your bottom lip as you feel the tight grip he has on your hips, drilling into you like he used to. Fuck, maybe you were right. This was exactly what you needed. There’s no Hoseok in your head right now. No unwanted thoughts in your mind. It’s just you and Namjoon. How it always should have been. 

A whimper falls between your lips and you feel Namjoon leaving hickey’s around your tits, covering them beautifully with his own little marks. 

Your legs start to shake around him, and warmth starts spreading through you quickly. “Daddy— I- I think I’m gonna fucking come.” 

Namjoon grunts, mouth around your nipple while he pulls off to speak. “Yeah baby? You wanna come?”

Yes. 

No.

Not really.

Preferably you would like him to control your fucking orgasm, flip you around, start pounding into you until you can’t hold yourself together but this will have to do. 

“Y-Yeah. I wanna come.” 

“Come sweetheart.” It’s not long before you moan sweetly through an orgasm, Namjoon fucks you through it as promised and you feel like you are levitating, he maintains sinful eye contact. His thrust starts to become sloppy and you feel the instant he lets go. 

“Inside daddy, inside.” With one final strong stroke, Namjoon comes deep inside you, his breathy moans feel hot against your ear. 

There’s a few minutes of heavy breathing, settling into the couch below you. Namjoon’s breaths follow close behind yours, arm tucked below your breasts, he lays behind you. 

“You were so wonderful my love, I’m sorry we don’t do that enough.” Namjoon breaks the silence, kissing the side of your head.

For the twentieth time that week, guilt falls heavy onto your chest. You didn’t deserve him, he didn’t deserve this. 

“No, don’t apologize Joonie. It’s my fault, really. I’ve just been… out of it. But I feel much better. All thanks to you. Thank you, thank you for everything you do for me and our home.” You start getting emotional, but you don't let your tone waver. You didn’t want him to know. 

“You know I’d do it all for you, my love” He whispers into your hair, kissing along the soft skin behind your neck. “I can’t wait to marry you baby.” 

There it is again, guilt. 

“I know, I know. Me either.”

“I love you.” He doesn't hesitate to remind you sweetly. 

It hurts to say it with all that is going through your mind, but you force a reply anyway. “I love you too.” 

…

Sleep comes over you quickly that night. 

Finally, you had fucked your sweet and loving fiancé and for once, your dreams don’t start off with you fucking yourself into an orgasm. 

In fact, you don’t dream, at least you don't recall. 

Hoseok immediately knows something is different when he arrives. He doesn’t smell arousal in the air, no this time he can tell you’ve been fucked. He can smell the come leftover deep inside your walls. He’s impressed to say the least. 

He watches your chest rise and fall, a small pout framing on your lips. You sleep beautifully, he thinks you will look even better after he’s done with you for today.

With careful steps, he makes his way to the end of your bed, you jerk your arm so suddenly in your sleep and he holds back a laugh. He’s quiet when he sits besides your sleeping head, gentle fingers run through your hair. 

“Mm.” You hum sweetly in your sleep, molding against his touch, thinking it was your husband-to-be playing with your hair like he normally does. 

Before you hear him say, “someone had a good night. Isn’t that right kitten?”

Your eyes widen, nearly jumping out of bed, but Hoseok’s hands stop you from moving. “It’s just me baby.”

“H-How?” Your voice is raspy with sleep. “You were supposed to be gone.”

Hoseok smiles wide, hand still caressing the back of your head. “Did you really think that would happen, kitten?”

“Yes.” 

“You let him fuck you.” He says like he knows for sure it's a fact. He doesn’t look too happy about it and your deafening silence answers his unspoken question. He pats your cheek. “Naughty kitty.” 

You gulp, his pretty hand wrapping around your throat as he asks the next question. “Did you like it?”

“Yes.” It’s not a lie and he knows it too. 

“Yeah? He fuck you better than me?” You gulp again.

“Yes.” No.

“Why do you lie to me, kitten?” His eyes flash red (they don’t), but the look he gives you is enough to warn you. Things are about to get serious so fast. “I know everything.”

You know that saying people say about fucking around and finding out. You were about to fuck around and find out real fucking fast that Hoseok doesn’t play with his toy. 

“Then what the fuck are you going to do about it, huh?” The only warning you get is Hoseok’s smile and then he’s fisting your hair tightly. Jawline clenched, watching as his eyes hood and darken. 

“Fuck yourself open, you slut.” He drops the grip on your hair and stands, serious look on his face, he’s not fucking around at all tonight. His hands are quick, tugging his belt off. “Make it quick.”

When he sees you still haven’t moved, a warning comes to you by a strong fistful of hair, shoving you so closely against his face. His breath hits yours, but your lips don’t touch, even though they are so fucking close. You’re tempted to steal a kiss from those soft looking lips, but you’ve acted up enough. “I said, fuck yourself open.”

He drops his grip, letting your head fall into the mattress. Hoseok’s voice is strong and demanding so you stop fucking around and pull the sheets off your body. His eyes fall on your breasts, they are covered in hickey’s freshly made by Namjoon and he tries not to let that affect him. But damn him, he wishes it was him instead. He knows you would never sleep unsatisfied. He would always make sure you slept fucked and sated. Even if that meant, falling asleep on his cock. 

There’s a slight burn when your finger finds its way to your pussy. Namjoon did a number on you, but it makes it easier to fuck yourself open. His come still settling deep inside you.

Hoseok has his shirt off now and he tugs his briefs and pants down all at once, his cock springs out, looking delicious as ever. You hear a dark chuckle behind you. “Uh-uh, wrong hole kitty, I’m fucking that ass tonight.” 

You whimper when his hand comes to stop your movements. 

“I’m not fucking that dirty hole. Turn around. I wanna see you from behind.” He’s not putting it up for question. You push yourself up on your knees and fall back against the bed, lifting your ass towards his direction. 

He curses behind you and smacks your ass. Leaving a red hand mark behind, it almost is as pretty as your face. “Fuck kitten, you really are pretty all around. Fuck that hole open for me.” 

You feel spit hit your hole and your index finger rubs his saliva around your rim. Your chest is heavy, this time for different reasons, you are completely breathless. 

You can’t see Hoseok, but you hear as he opens the drawer beside your bed, it’s where you kept all your toys and lube. You are a finger-deep inside your ass when you hear the lube cap open, Hoseok is kind enough to warm the lube a bit between his fingers before he rubs against your rim and finger. He lets a bit of the lube dribble down your ass cheeks. Hoseok likes it a bit messy and wet. He clicks it close and tosses it besides you. 

“My perfect submissive slut.” He whispers, hands settling on your ass as you finger yourself open with two fingers now, the burn hurts but it feels so damn good. Namjoon has never fucked your ass, but it has always been one of your sexual desires. Nothing could ever compare to an orgasm through anal and Hoseok has taught you a lot about that. 

Another glob of spit hits your rim and you feel him squeeze a finger in. The burn of three fingers tear through you, moaning into the sheets.  “Mm, fuck.” 

He grins watching you hold back moans, biting your lips hard. 

“Maybe I should punish you tonight.” He suggests, still fucking his finger in your ass alongside your own. “If you come like this I’ll let you suck my dick if I’m still feeling nice.”

You complain, turning around to face him, back still arched. “No… please, please Hoseok. F-Fuck me. Fuck my ass.” 

“No.” He’s cold like usual and you know he won’t budge so it's no use. 

“But I-I’ve been waiting patiently. I thought all day about you.” It almost sounds like a purr and Hoseok loves it, spanking the fat in your hips this time with an unoccupied hand. His finger is still deep inside your ass and doesn’t let down. 

“Yeah? Tell me about that.” He starts to jerk himself off in the process, the leftover lube in his fingers makes the slide easier, his tongue wets his lips while he maintains eye contact. 

Your cheeks are burning but you continue, “I thought about your huge cock splitting me open. Forcing me to take you e-even when I can’t anymore. I thought about you spitting into my messy hole like you always do. I thought about you fucking me open against the door. Even the kitchen counter. All day, I’ve missed you all day.”

This seems to satisfy him enough so he plays nice. “Turn over. On your back. Show me those tits.”

He pulls his finger out slowly and you miss it immediately but you listen, your own fingers slide out as you turn around for him. His knees hit the bed pulling your thighs apart as he falls between them, his arm falling beside your head. He’s still fisting his hard length, watching your tits rise and fall as you breathe. 

His tongue comes out and licks around your breasts purposely avoiding your nipple. “You let him mark you.” 

“He’s my husband-to-be.” You answer, holding back a moan when he sucks on your skin, gentle enough not to make any marks. “Of course, I did.” 

“Mm.” He hums into your skin, it vibrates and your pussy responds to this, leaking arousal into the sheets. “What else did you let him do, kitten?” 

“He fucked me.” You whisper, practically vibrating below him. 

“Oh I know that. I smell it.” He looks like he wants to laugh, but instead continues sucking around your other breast, giving both tits the attention they deserve. 

“Squeeze them together.” He orders and you listen quickly. His tongue slides and sucks between them, still avoiding your nipples and it drives you insane. You want to feel him. 

“Please.” Your voice is weak.

“Please what?” He asks, looking up dumbfounded, but he knows exactly what you want. He’s making you work for it. “Tell me kitten. What do you want?” 

“Y-Your mouth.” You struggle. 

“Where?” He breathes out, right on top of your nipple, tongue nearly sliding against it. 

“R-Right there.” Your eyes never move. 

You watch as he sticks his long, pink tongue out and very slowly licks your already hardened nipple. 

“Here?” He asks between his own breaths and you moan softly, sounding sweet against his ears.

“Yes.” You whisper-moan. 

He drops his cock, letting it hit your cunt while he starts to suck on your nipples like they deserve. There’s nothing sweet and gentle about this. It’s like he wants to replace Namjoon’s love bites and leave you with his own. 

He switches off onto the previous breast and his hand comes to play with your other breast while he attends to the new one. He licks and sucks harshly, bruising your tender skin. You writhe against him, pussy brushing along his cock, but his hand comes to halt your actions quickly with a strong grip on your hip. 

“Be good, slut.” Is all he says before he continues marking your breasts and you can’t do a single thing, but moan and whine underneath him, feeling empty. The memory of Namjoon is long forgotten. 

Once Hoseok is satisfied with his work. He grins and pulls away. He grabs the bottle of lube beside you and lathers his cock in it. “Should I fuck you now?”

You are quick to nod and you feel bubbly. 

Finally. 

“Yeah? You think you deserve it?” He tempts and teases, his lubed fingers touch your chin and you open with ease, taking all three fingers he offers you inside your mouth. You suck hard and watch him bite his lip.  

You moan around his fingers, his other hand gripping his slicken cock and you feel it catch around your rim. 

“Beg for it, slut.” He slides his fingers out, saliva drips down your chin, you probably look a mess but you don't even care anymore. The sinful desire and lust is ten times worse than any other feeling. 

“Please, Hoseok. Please.” You beg. “I’d do anything. Anything.” 

He sees red for two seconds and then he says. “Then keep your legs open for me. Try to stay awake. Don’t disappoint me this time, kitten.” 

There’s no warning for when he plunges his hard length inside your slicked rim. You know he won’t be going anywhere near your pussy, keeping his promise. You didn’t deserve it. You let someone else use your hole and now he’s punishing you. 

“Oh. My. God.” You moan, it fucking burns, but soon his thrusts turn into pleasure and his cock brushes your sweet spot. It’s like he’s known you all your life, knowing the exact way to tear you apart, piece by piece. 

“Ghost actually, not God, but I’ve met him. He’s not the sweet and forgiving man everyone mentions he is.” Hoseok says this all while buried deep between your ass cheeks and you would actually laugh about this if the situation was different, but instead you moan and clench around him feeling his balls slap faster against your ass. “That’s it kitten, lose your fucking mind.”

And that is exactly what you do.

Hoseok continues ramming his hips into yours for a few minutes, you aren’t speaking clearly anymore so he doesn’t understand a word you tell him, all he knows is that you must be feeling fucking ecstasy by the way you roll your eyes and yell moans. 

His hands grip your hips and he comes to a stop. “Face down. Ass up. I wanna see that ass while I pound it from behind.”

You don’t reply to him, but you seem to understand. With weak movements, you move and nearly fall face first into the bed, weak limbs. You don’t even have the strength to hold yourself together anymore. Hoseok is kind enough to help though, he places a pillow below your hips, just high enough so he can slide right back inside your tight ass. 

He hears your muffled moans against your bedsheets, watching you weakly grip them. 

“Such a nice ass. It’s a shame really.” Your ass bounces while he mounts you from behind, it’s fast but precise, hitting your walls just right at every harsh thrust. 

“W-What is?” He barely hears you reply. 

“That this ass isn’t played with enough and soon I’ll just be a fidget of your imagination. You’ll forget I ever existed and you’ll never, ever receive the sexual satifisation you deserve. But maybe, one day, when it’s your turn to go, you’ll meet me in the after-life and I’ll show you just how much I’ve missed this sweet ass.” The ghost’s voice almost sounds sad and you freeze. You don’t want this to end. No.

“T-Then don’t stop fucking me. Keep me here forever.” You whisper frantically, breath hot and heavy. 

“Oh trust me baby, I would if I could. For now, I won’t stop. Stay awake, kitten.” You don’t even notice you are falling unconscious, the stretch and burn of his cock is exhausting and your ass takes him greedily, but his words wake you. 

He grips the side of your hips, pressing his thumbs into your back as he sets a faster pace. Slamming and ramming his dick deep within you. The moans and gasps that slip from your mouth sound so pretty, God he really wishes it would never fucking end, but he feels you slipping between his hands already. 

What the fuck can he do? 

Hoseok is close himself, how could he not be? He’s been practically edging himself for hours and now that he has such a juicy ass at hand, with the most perfect woman he has ever seen, he could practically come inside your velvet walls right now. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You curse and moan below him, you tremple and shake, the knot inside your stomach is barely holding up. “‘M so close.”

He nods, forgets you can’t see him. He harshly tugs you around, still quite limp and weak between his arms. “Wanna see that face when you come on my cock.”

He plunges back inside, lips close to yours, but he doesn’t kiss you. And then you realize, he hasn’t kissed you. This entire time. He’s fucked you religiuosly for weeks on end and you don’t even know what those heart-shaped lips taste like against yours. Would they be as sweet as they look? Would he kiss you gently or would he be harsh and rough like the way he fucks? You wonder about it all at once and it makes you sad for a moment. You want a kiss. Why wouldn’t he kiss you? 

“Kiss me.” You breathe out, he’s grunting above your mouth still fucking you nice and deep. You are beyond positive you won’t be able to move your ass tomorrow but it’s worth it, it’s always worth it. 

He looks up and then looks back down, concentrating on his thrust, you moan but hold your ground. 

“Please. Kiss me.” You whisper, gasping when you feel the knot start to come undone. He knows you’re about to let go and this only drives him to bottom out faster and quicker. Skin smacking quickly against skin. Your asshole has been shaped and molded just for him. You’re loving every second of it, but he still hasn’t kissed you. 

Why?

Your arms weakly wrap around his shoulders, he breathes heavy and hot against your ear now. It’s messy, sweaty and his touch is usually rough, but it feels awfully gentle now. He’s still rough inside your soft walls, but something’s changed. 

“Hoseok.” You breathe, you’re so sad. 

He hums against your neck, avoiding your eyes. 

“Kiss me.” You plead again, he kissed your neck so softly, balls smacking harder and faster against your ass. “No, my lips.”

“Goodnight, kitten.” He whispers sounding sad into your ear before he lifts his face from your neck and those heart-shaped lips touch your softly, it’s almost sweet. You come undone as soon as you feel the touch of his magical lips and you swear you feel him come deep inside you.

It all disappears though. 

“Honey?” This time it's Namjoon, hand already around your waist. “You okay? Was it another nightmare?”

A tear falls down your face and Namjoon awes, bringing you into his warm embrace. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” 

Why are you crying? 

And where is Hoseok?

“I am too.” You simply say, crying harshly into his shoulder.

Hoseok watches the scene unfold from afar. He wishes you could feel the ache you’ve left him behind too and there isn’t a damn thing he could do but wait. 

“See you in the after-life kitten. There I’ll spoil you with all the kisses you deserve.”

You don’t hear him, but he knows he means well. Hoseok walks away permanently this time, he’s lost the feeling of his heart long ago, but he feels heavy-hearted and continues on his way to his next victim.  

Until next time.

[jiminiereads]

fic recs: bts ii

disclaimer: some fics contain mature content, so minors DNI!!!!

jin

on the ropes @raplinesmoon a | s - wc: 18k

ex-boxer!jin, lawyer!reader, infidelity!au

stay with me @bts-trash-blog f

long-distance relationship, established relationship

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established relationship!, pwp

night drive @minimonojoon f - wc: 3k

best friends to lovers!au, groomsmen!jin x bridesmaid!reader

i’m all yours @sailoryooons f - wc: 2.3k

best friends to lovers!au, idiots to lovers!au, so so soft!!

yoongi

speak now @vminity21 a | s - wc: 2.4k

friends to lovers!au, bride-to-be!reader

almost @bluewhale52 f - wc: 1.9k

established relationship!au, idol!au, wife!oc

like flowers we bloom @cupofteaguk f - wc: 5k

bad boy!au

no rebounds (series) @joheunsaram a | f | s - wc: 16k

marriage!au

hobi

the ick @taleasnewastime f - wc. 6k

friends to lovers!au

namjoon

first christmas @spideyjimin f - wc: 2.2k

established relationship!au, christmas!au, parents!au

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established relationship!au, husband!namjoon

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street racer!au, doctor!reader

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divorce!au, exes to lovers??

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established relationship!au, slice(s) of life!au

doom boy @raplinesmoon a | s | slight fluff - wc: 14.2k

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class act @jvngkook97 f | s | a - wc: 4.7k

college!au, jock!namjoon, introverted!reader, strangers to lovers!au

an affair of the art @raplinesmoon f | slight a - wc: 1.3k

husband!namjoon, new parents!au, dad!namjoon, art enthusiasts!au

jimin

lovely demons @kpopfanfictrash a | s - wc: 41.7k

fantasy!au, enemies to lovers!au

serendipity (series) @sopebubbles a | f

idol!au, pregnancy!au, smau and written

lust @adonis-koo s - wc. 11k

demon!au, strangers to lovers

taehyung

heart of the flame (series) @chateautae a | s | f

roommates!au, friends to lovers!au

in bloom @untaemedqueen a | f | s - wc: 6.2k

tattooed&pierced!taehyung, tattoo artist!taehyung, florist!reader, married!au, family!au

farmer boy, i love you @strawberrynamjoon a | f | s - wc: 35k

farming!au, enemies to lovers

breath of spring @cupofteaguk f - wc: 9k

florist!au, strangers to lovers

girl code @allysonhope f | slight a - wc: 7.4k

friends to lovers!au, oc tries to respect girl code

come back home (series) @another-army-spot a | s | f

dad!taehyung, teen parents, exes to lovers

the odds on us @jimilter a | s | slight f - wc: 15.5k

exes to lovers!au

jungkook

crush @jungxk light a | f | s - wc: 5.1k

memory loss!au, established relationship!au, dad!au

a lover’s bond @latetaektalk heavy a | f - wc: 18.7k

greek mythology! AU- specifically orpheus and eurydice! AU

marry me? @bebejungkook f - wc: 0.7k

established relationship!au, gamer!jk, crybaby!reader

this is how you fall in love @jeonqkooks s | f - wc: 9.3k

rockstar!jk, established relationship!au

down and down @koorara a | f - wc: 12k

mma fighter!jk, exes au

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married!au, husband!jk

alien invasion @nocturnal-jeon f

fiancée!jk, new dad!jk

the reconnect @bonny-kookoo s | a | f - wc: 12.5k

exes to lovers!au, one night stand!au, dad!jungkook

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EMT!jk, fiancé!au, car crash

inkling @gguksgalaxy a | s - wc: 17.7k

tattoo artist!jungkook

love in the dark @spideyjimin s | a f - wc: 18k

ceo au, forbidden romance au, established relationship au, exes to lovers

the truth untold @crispy-chan a | f - wc: 26k

royal!au, forbidden love, arranged marriage, knight!jungkook x princess!reader

lover @wnderkoo f - wc: 2.1k

established relationship!au, break up!au (BUT NOT REALLY)

the manliest @kookslastbutton s | f - wc: 1.2k

established relationship!au, crack, jk tries to be hard dom

under your skin @bonny-kookoo s | f | slight a

strangers to lovers!au, tattoo artist!jk, shy!reader

what if i love you too much? @taleasnewastime s | f | a - wc: 20.6k

neighborhood!au, single mom!reader

busted @btsgotjams27 f | slight smut (suggestive) - wc: 0.8

husband!jk, biker!jk (enough said)

[delugguk]

all for you

PAIR: idol!hoseok x reader

GENRE: smut, stablished relationship, fluff if you squint.

WORD COUNT: 2.4k

WARNINGS: doggy, reverse cowgirl lowkey? making out, flustered hoseok because he's just soooo cuteㅠ

summary: you were so proud of your boyfriend leading his first mini solo concert so that's what you wanted to show him.

note: this is my first hoseok fic let's goooo~~ I also wanted to dedicate this fic to @sxtaep bc I know how much she likes hoseok *giggles*

"you were so good baby, I'm so proud of you."

your body is on top of his while you softly kiss on his slightly red skin.

hoseok has a very drunk-on-love smile plastered on his face. "thank you baby.." murmuring with his lidded eyes while his hands rest on your hips, touching you delicately.

as you continue kissing his hot skin, you move towards his neck. hoseok sighs at the nice feeling of your warm lips wrapping around it when he tilt his head back, immersing himself into this moment and while he's very much enjoying the way you're treating him right nowㅡthe reason why his skin is subtly painted by a red tone is because...

ever since you came here with jimin to keep him company, easing his very troublesome and nervous mind, your mouth hasn't stopped complimenting him or encouraging him to do what he loves the most. bringing so much confidence in him that he can't help but feel his body get all heated, shy and excited at the same time. causing this very light red tone on his honey skinㅡfeeling embarrased whenever you do.. it's not that he doesn't believe it, but hearing you talk so beautiful about him makes him feel so many things.

things he doesn't seem to control.

things that go beyond him.

making his heart beat like crazy. - feelings overflow with thoughts and he feels lucky. lucky because he's able to let himself have someone like you in his life, by his side. his teammates are also special, but the emotional and physical support is very different when it comes to it. having someone to feel like this, crave like this and miss like this? he could only miss and treat his friends by one certain extent. you on the other hand, were always available for him, he could fuck you the way he wanted, love you the way he wanted, touch you the way he wanted.. It was all so different.

he's sure his friends could even understand this unmatched sentiment.

being his pretty cheerleader had him thought he could get used to it, but boy.. was he wrong.

today has been the day were he thinks you've praised him the most.

giving him energy before his stage, you began complimenting him so much after the concert was done too. starting when he was getting readyㅡto backstage, even in the way back to the hotel and it's just...

galaxies formed into your eyes. you seemed to be so proud of him and while he has felt the big energy of the stage, he doesn't think he has ever seen you this happy for him. you always were, but something about this night told him that you were definitely his to take.

something so genuine in you..

he began to think about how much he adored the way you showed love to him. admiring the way you could tell and express your feelings without much trouble, that was something very much hard when it comes to himself. he genuily can't do it without automatically feeling embarrassed, so shy. so seeing the way you make it look so easy.. It actually gave him courage to open up a little more with himself. to not care at all and admit that he's good enough, that he's doing just fine. he recognizes all of these things about himself though, but it's just that it's a little difficult and different when it comes to hearing that outside of his mind.

dating you has made a big impact on him because he now could say it out loud. he has gotten better but still, his skin was always faster than him before he could even speak.

as your lips seemed addicted to his skin, there was just something about seeing your boyfriend like this that made you want to love him all over. he seemed so calm, maybe so.. yours. you can't quite tell what are the right words to what you mean but after seeing how extraordinary he could be on stage..

people singing to his solo songs after many years.. seeing how much he's loved and the way he reacted so well.. he did such an amazing job at carrying what is one of the biggest challenges he could have as a solo artist and you couldn't help but feel so happy and proud of him for marking this grand step. It truly was an experience and so you wanted to show him allㅡgenuily feeling like giving him back all of his efforts.

even though you could only give this little..

having him looking like this in front you now: vulnerable to your touch, moaning for you, needing you.. this. this is what you liked. of all his sides, this was just one of your favorites. the one were at the end of the day he's always back to you, loving you. fucking you. this.

so as your lips keep giving sensual pecks into his cheeks, neck, ears, jawline, chin, forehead.. and just every part of his face, you wanted to make him feel good. - hoseok actually loved when you did that too. It made him feel very much wanted and loved. just what he needs and likes.

with his post-concert adrenaline, you wanted him to release it all.. with you. you wanted to drain all of his energy into you, you're willing to absorb it all. - you know just how much that relaxed him and how much he enjoyed fucking you each time.

raw, slow.. it doesn't matter how it is. he always give it to you good and there's just something about the way he touched you that you adored so much.. - his hands being one of your favourite parts of his body, you place them around your ass.

hoseok's reactions were always good, very pleasing to see. the way he sighed everytime you did something he liked and how he closed his eyes.. when you kiss him, his heart shaped lips along with the little mole on his top lip seemed to always shine everytime you both took short breaks to breath and when he talked to you.. irresistible. that's all you can say.

when the kiss gets more intense, his touch starts matching his pace.

rougher.

needier.

and he's suddenly lifting your shirt gripping your skin into pulling you closer to him.

his hair makes you giggle when his face buries against your neck, only causing him to smile while he kiss on it.

you loved the way he looked with this hair though.. so nice, so hot..

"fucking love you.." hoseok whispers into your skin as you grind your hips into each other. "thank you so much for being here baby.." he moans before his lips are back into yours.

you don't say a word. enjoying your boyfriend's warmth and need to release his post-concert euphoria. he knows he could use you, he knows that you'll let him, but still.. hoseok always liked to hear you say it.

"you're letting me-"

"yes." you quickly affirm. he doesn't need to ask. you know he'll be fine by just thisㅡhad spoke about his many times before, just a simple answer can make its work.

he doesn't say anything else, only a fainted grin showing on his face when he's laying his back down the hotel room's bed. dick very hard below you as your lips draw a trail of wet sensual kisses along his naked chest and stomach. causing a moan from him the moment he lays his lidded eyes down on you.. you seem so hungry for him, so passionate into wanting to make him feel good..

then a brainstorm of questions quickly pass through his mind.

does he deserves you?

but then he remembers the many times you have told him the way he does just as much as you deserve him. because you were made for each other, because you both have a great connection, because nobody could ever match your energy.. and it was all true. he remembers and he believes that so much. the amount of sense of stability and safety you provide him is beyond what he can ever imagine when it comes to a relationship like yours. he don't think he could ever escape this feeling. not if it's with you.

taking his bare dick with your hand, you give him a gentle squeeze followed by your lips wrapping against his tip.

"ah.." hoseok sighs. "ffuck I wanted this.." eyes slowly closing as his head hits his pillow after you start bopping your mouth into his length. "yeah.. I wanted this." whispering to himself as your walls clench around nothing.

something about him cursing in a lower and breathy tone that causes that much effect in you..

his hand goes down your hair, gently and when he glances at you coating his dick so well with your saliva he can't help but ask,

"ffucking hot." exhaling, eyes gone. "don't you want to bounce on my dick?" with the sexiest grin you could ever witness.

your mouth pops out of his length as you squeeze your legs and bite your lips. "I'll like to."

"then what the fuck are you waiting for?"

you inmediately froze at his words, before you remember how needy and rude he could getㅡbut that's just.. so hot of him, in your opinion.. so you give him doe eyes as you crawl on him and his dick is so fucking hard.. very much erect and twitching.. suddenly the thought of you giving yourself for him to use crossed your mind.

It'll be a good alternative way into giving him what he wants, no?

so, moving quickly you make yourself position into your hands and knees. arching your back exposing your ass to him. "fuck me like this."

hoseok gasps. you know how much he loves this.

"use me." you murmur as your walls clench. gosh, you were needing him very badly.

hoseok grunts. he notices. "ha.." sighing. "what will I do with you.." lifting himself off the bed to get close to you, palming your ass as one hand pumps his very hot length. "making me nuts.."

spank!

and you jump at the sudden touch. walls clenching even more.. hoseok bites his lips into a smile and his face looks almost too devilish when you glance at him. you don't think you've seen him be this sexy..

"If I fuck you now.. I will go hard, baby.." he states while his dick brushes against your wet folds, coating him just well. "hm?" he takes his face next to your neck, leaving hot sensual pecks.

your nipples were so hard.. good thing he toys with them.

"are you okay with that?" he whispers into your ear while one of his hands start caressing your clit.

"eunng" you moan, rolling your hips back and forth into his dick.

"hm?" he smirks against your hair.

"y-yes."

"mhm." it's all he says, his warmth no longer against your face.

when goes back to his old position, the moment he enters you has you looking for air. he didn't only feel good but the way he could easily introduce himself into you was what surprised and turned you on at the same time. so you were that wet huh?

It shouldn't be something to be so shocked about because you were always like this with him but.. you still get surprised at just how much. you know? It's like you can feel it but to actually see it.. yeah, it's a whole other feeling.

"fucking hell," he moans the moment you slowly start fucking yourself back into him. "..as expected." he grabs your hips with both hands. "fucking needy." when he starts thrusting into you, hard.

his thrusts start getting more messy by the minute, you both are moaning so much even thought the vocalizations aren't as much noisy. it's more of you panting, hissing and exhaling rather than big crying noises, somehow trying to keep it low but it's because you're both too immerse into this type of pleasure, it feels different and it's so hot.

hoseok's dick is glistening so much, he actually loved the wet noises both your genitals were making. - when he seats down, you start bouncing your ass into his dick without facing him. all he had was this incredible view of your ass covering his length from time to time that once you cummed, he's inmediately thrusting up at you so fast that when he fills you up with his cum, he takes his time to see the way your little pussy hole squeezes out all of your cum and his, mixed back onto his length. the sight being too much that he even collects it with his tip and pushes back into you, pushing some little more back and forth as you also move with him. enjoying that little of overstimulation.

when you're all showered and about to sleep, you say to him. "I'm so proud of you." cuddling into his arms.

hoseok chuckles. "you've already say that, baby." caressing your hair.

"I know, but I truly mean it, babe."

eyes looking at his and his lips are so close to yours, you take the opportunity to leave a peck on it.

and hoseok's heart flutter.

"I love you so much. do you know?" he's serious as his arms squeeze your body hard but soft enough into his.

"I do." you respond, and despite you both serious faces, there's nothing more that speaks louder than both of your eyes.. filled with so much adoration and love, hoseok feels the need to remind you all over again how grateful he is for you to be here.

"the best in the whole world. I'm so glad to have you here, with me." he faintly smiles as his eyes slowly close given to him being sleepy, but that doesn't stop him from giving you one last forehead kiss for the night.

you smile back at him even though he clearly can't see.

burying your face into his chest, you feel like the luckiest person in the world. having him in your arms, even though you're (technically) the one being on his right now, you couldn't help but feel so happy.

happy that he saw all the support.

happy to know that this was all for him and him only.. yeah, this was a big step for him and for the way you and jimin hyped all this thing up.. you see it to be very hard to get over with and so then, you hoped for much more days like these to come..

[bts-roses]

Hopelessly Romantic

summary - You used to say that a little romanticising never hurt anyone, turns out you were wrong. So wrong. (Unless...?)

pairing - Hoseok x reader

genre - university!au, fluff, a little angst, crushing & pining <3

word count - 7.4k

warnings - swearing :o, y/n goes through serious introspection, y/n goes through it

You always loved romance and love. You loved when your friend finally revealed his feelings to his crush after endless (and progressively annoying) pining for each other. You love when you see your regulars have their weekly Sunday date night at the restaurant you work at (you also love their tips). You love when couples share an umbrella when walking in the rain. Heck, you even love the socks with the tiny magnetic arms that when you stand next to someone with the same socks they hold hands! Like! Who cares if they are just inanimate socks? (They are holding hands!) You just love love!

Okay, so your friends/housemates might make fun of you for it. They might roll their eyes when you fawn over some minor interaction between two strangers in the street or when you dote on something slightly romantic that your professor said about his wife. Some of your friends may say you are overoptimistic. Or as Yoongi would call it: unrealistic.

But, you would argue that a little romanticising never hurt anyone! Can it be annoying sometimes? Yes! Do your friends have to mentally prepare themselves before confiding in you about anything to do with their romantic life? 100%! Can your romanticisation border on delusional? I mean, maybe sometimes? Or as Yoongi would say: all the time.

It's a little running joke in your friendship group that little Y/n is a little hopeless romantic who would even romanticise two street rats eating rotting food in a dumpster together (but also that is kind of cute, like they live in awful conditions but they still stay together?!).

So maybe that's why you keep your crush on a certain man in your class a secret. Or as you would say (then giggle and hide your face into your pillow), your secret.

You would admit that the sole reason that gets you out of bed for your Monday 9am lecture is the fact you can spend an hour glancing at the most perfect side profile to ever bless planet earth (oh, and sometimes the cute stories your professor reveals about his wife).

After 5 months of this class, you have perfected the routine to get the most out of this one hour experience. First, you (struggle to) get up at 7am. Then, do all your business and get clean. Then, you agonisingly choose your best outfit that is both (a) comfortable for an annoyingly early lecture and (b) also cute so that when he looks over to you, he thinks woah this hot babe knocks it out the park every time with their insanely cool yet effortless look like woah I need to propose or whatever. Then, you (maybe too excitedly) stroll to your lecture and get there with (and this is very important) exactly 4 minutes before the lecture begins. This is because exactly 5 minutes before the lecture begins, a certain someone (cue you giggling and hiding your face) finds a seat in the lecture hall. And that means you can choose the optimal seating position to be able to have sneaky glances at the most beautiful face you have ever laid your eyes upon (in a not creepy way). The said optimal seating position is around 1 or 2 rows behind and a good ten seats on either side of him. Both effective and not suspicious at all.

If they knew, your friends would call you crazy. Or as Yoongi would say: this would actually be great evidentiary support for a restraining order. But you swear if they have ever seen this man, they would be doing the exact same thing. You would also argue that you are not the only one who does this! Two weeks ago you noticed that a girl, who sat 5 rows in front of you (so 3 rows in front of him), spent most of the lecture staring at the man and it was very obvious. Clearly, someone needs to get an optimal seating position! And just a month ago, after the man answered one of the professor's questions, a group of people let out a very audible tee-hee at how unbelievably attractive his face was.

And, my God, what a face.

It's otherworldly and beautiful. And that side profile? His perfect nose? His heart-shaped lips? His amazing jawline? His somehow always sparkly eyes? And his kissable cheekbones that protrude a bit more when he bursts out into the most bright and breath-taking smile? Stunning.

It's even more stunning when it's directed at you. Tee-hee.

Plot twist! You aren't one to brag (you are going to fully brag). But there have been a few instances where your glances are requited.

Now it's time to replay them in excruciating detail!

The first time it happened, you were mid-sentence in typing some notes on the lecture slides when you habitually glanced over to Mr. Beautiful man. But when you look up, you find yourself already caught in the depths of his gaze. You nearly choked on the air at the realisation that this man was looking at you with his sparkling eyes that seemed to hold a playful glint within them and a soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips. For a heartbeat, time seemed to still as you held his gaze, and in that fleeting moment, you swear you felt a connection, a spark that made you bashfully look back to the lecture slides.

Another time this happened was when your professor was talking about the story of how he wooed his wife (every time he saw her, he pretended to trip over something so she would always remember him). You couldn't help but to accidentally let out a laugh louder than the rest of the class. But before you could cringe at yourself for the way your chuckle echoed around the room, you found yourself locking eyes with him, whose smile widened as your eyes met. You felt a warmth spread through you, as if his smile was meant for only you, and you couldn't help but smile back as he turned his head back around to the professor.

Not only that, but (not bragging at all) you have spoken to him a good two times.

Plot twist again!

He actually definitely knows who you are!

It's time to recount these events in even more excruciating detail!

1.

The first time he spoke to you was in the second week of the semester and it was also the first time you ever noticed him. As everyone stood up to pack their bags, you noticed that the person in front of you had left his water bottle behind on his desk. Noting the back of the man already half-way down the stairs, you grab the metal bottle and try to dash out of the lecture hall, scanning the corridor for any sign of him. Finally spotting him nearly walking out of the building, you hurried to catch up to him. As he opened the door, you shouted an 'excuse me' to the man.

As if it was in slow motion, he turned around and you don't know if you were hallucinating, but you swear you were nearly swept off your feet (it may have been the strong wind that the opening door let in). That was the first time you were graced with the most beautiful face you have ever seen, as he looked at you surprised and confused with his soft-looking hair flowing with the breeze.

You stutter at the sight of him, briefly forgetting why you even chased after him in the first place.

"O-oh, you forgot your bottle." You bashfully state, lifting the bottle towards him.

You look up at him (sigh he's tall) and you actually feel your heart stop when his lips curve into the most heart warming smile.

"Wow, thanks a lot", he gratefully says, taking back his bottle, "I'm Hoseok, by the way."

Hoseok.

You mirror his smile and try to not turn red as you reply "Y/n."

"Nice to meet you! Thanks again." He coolly says before continuing on his way.

He leaves you windswept and heart-stricken in the middle of the doorway.

(You quickly break out of it when annoyed students try to squeeze and push past you taking up the whole exit).

2.

The second time you converse with the man was 3 months after. And after a few exchanged glances, you're confident in saying that your attraction to this man has exponentially grown to unfathomable amounts.

You can safely say that you think you have a serious crush on this man.

This man being Hoseok. Because that's his name and he told you himself (tee-hee).

When you arrive at the lecture hall, you are greeted with an unfamiliar sight: people waiting outside of the room. When you walk up, you see the familiar faces you regularly see standing around and you deduce that the room must be locked (sometimes security forgets to unlock the lecture halls in the morning). As you lean against the wall and look down at your phone, you are surprised by the sudden voice next to you.

"This feels so weird standing around."

You look up and unconsciously let a smitten smile smother your face at Hoseok (tee-hee <3) next to you. You let yourself gaze at his breath-taking face for a moment. You feel your heart start racing again, as you stumble over what words to say.

"Yeah definitely, I'm so used to just sitting down before the professor gets here."

He glances at you, surprised you replied. In that moment you realise: he was talking to himself. That's awkward.

"No, yeah, I like to prep myself before a 9am lecture. I'm just wondering, who schedules 9am lectures on a Monday?" He light-heartedly comments, offering you one of his sweet smiles.

"You and me both, Hoseok. I'm wondering the same thing", you shyly respond, your smitten smile slightly burning your cheeks. Omg this is the longest conversation you have had with him!

You watch as his brows furrowed in confusion and his perfectly shaped head tilt to the side a bit. He lets out a bashful smile.

"Sorry, have we met before?" He lets out an embarrassed laugh and continues when you mirror his confusion, "You know my name?"

Oh...

You feel your heart sink a bit (a lot) and your lips move into a self-conscious smile. He doesn't remember you.

"Oh... Yeah we met briefly before." You look down, trying to cover your disappointment, "It was like at the beginning of the year so..."

You're surprised you can hear the sounds of people shuffling to move into the now unlocked lecture hall over the volume of how embarrassing this situation was. You both slowly trail behind the rest of the class into the room.

"Right, sorry, sometimes my memory is not the best!" Hoseok quickly reassures you, his tone devoid of any awkwardness, "What was your name again?"

It should be embarrassing at how quickly your mood elevated under his interest in knowing your name.

"I'm Y/n", you beam.

"Y/n", Hoseok says, more to himself, "I promise I won't forget next time".

He gives you another smile and a playful poke to your cheek, which makes you feel like the only one in the room, as he strides up to claim an empty seat. You feel yourself float up to your OSP (optimal seating position), unable to stop smiling from the brief exchange.

"I promise I won't forget next time"

Tee-hee, you have promises. And he touched your cheek! Tee-hee.

You spent the whole lecture divulging in the potential possibility that your crush might not be one-sided.

Tee-hee.

So here you are, five months deep in being the strongest trooper in your secret infatuation with this stunning man. You can’t help but give yourself a mental pat on the back for successfully keeping your mouth shut about it.

The pat on the back becomes even more vigorous when you manage to maintain your composure every time you spot him around campus, which has strangely been frequently lately. Surprisingly, this increase in sightings had nothing to do with you and everything to do with Yoongi.

You’ve been on high alert around Yoongi ever since he casually mentioned that he had a crush on someone in his classes. However, knowing you and your nature, he refused to divulge any details, nevermind the identity of the crush. It stung a little (okay, maybe more than a little) when he brushed you off, but you totally get it. After all, out of everyone, Yoongi was never the one to entertain your romanticising shit and especially not your meddling ways. Yet, there were instances where you could work out the object of Yoongi’s affections:

When Yoongi, out of nowhere, wanted to start sitting outside for lunch, near a particular group of friends (even though he hates sitting too long in the sun).

When Yoongi insisted you accompany him to watch the musical theatre society's dance practice (even though he was the conductor and didn’t really need to be there).

When Yoongi dragged you along to the dance society's performances, under the guise of "oh, I like the music" (not that you're complaining because Hoseok is also a part of that society tee-hee).

The common factor?: Jimin.

You couldn't blame Yoongi: Jimin was undeniably a sight to behold. And he is so lovely! One time your bag got stuck in the library’s revolving doors and you spent a good 5 minutes panickedly running in circles before Jimin stopped the whole crowd to come rescue you <3 (you never really talk about it because the situation actually made you want to curl up and never see the sun again). And every time Yoongi tries (emphasis on tries) to casually talk about Jimin, a cute little blush paints your friend's face, which makes you <3. And every time you see Jimin's smile it makes you, and the rest of the population just <3. And every time Yoongi sees Jimin from afar, you swear you can see the hearts jump out of his eyes <3.

The man wasn’t exactly subtle.

You also should thank Yoongi (and the gods) as Jimin is friends with Hoseok, meaning every lunch you could discreetly sneak glances at him, his perfect smile, his contagious laugh, the way his whole body would light up as he animatedly recounted a funny story to his friends and-

Anyways, since you were constantly looking that way, you, being the ever-vigilant detective, also noticed that someone else was also sneaking peeks at someone. That someone sneaking peeks being Jimin and the someone receiving said glances being Yoongi. Hee-hee. Jimin totally has a crush on Yoongi. And Yoongi totally has a crush on Jimin. They both totally have a crush on each other!

Even though you tried your best to not meddle, you just couldn’t resist. Much to Yoongi’s annoyance, you proceeded to bombard your friend with retellings of every single occurrence that Jimin so much breathed in his way in, of course, excruciating detail. You insisted for your friend to ask him on a date or confess or do anything, but only if he wanted to, of course.

You only seized your pestering when Yoongi finally grumbles a quiet “fine”. You also decided to seize any teasing of the growing excited smile on his face.

And so, it was on the fateful Thursday before Valentine’s Day week (which was just the heart-shaped cherry on top) Yoongi shyly asked Jimin on a date… And he said yes.

:) 

Apparently the date went really, really well :) So well that since they had known each other for a while, Jimin thought it only fitting to ask Yoongi if they could be boyfriends :) To which your friend broke out in his signature gummy smile and said yes :) Yoongi got a Valentine’s :) Yoongi, Mr. Stop-being-annoying-with-love-Y/n, was about to be annoying with love :)

-

The weekend anticipation for Monday was nearly unbearable. Not only did it promise the chance to catch up with Yoongi and extract every detail about the date - how did Jimin pop the question, Yoongi’s response to the question, Jimin’s response to Yoongi’s response to the question, etc. - but there was also the added excitement of Yoongi suggesting that the two friend groups sit together. One friend group including you and one friendship group including Hoseok. Tee-hee.

But when the clock struck 7am, you woke up with an odd feeling.

Something had felt off the previous day too, almost as if the world shifted its axis. Firstly, when your regular couple arrived at the restaurant, only half of them sat down at their usual table. The man sat alone, tears streaming down his face as he ordered his usual sirloin steak, nearly choking up as he had to stop himself from ordering his partner’s usual vegan burger. Or should you say, ex-partner… Turns out they weren’t the happy couple you saw them to be, they were actually going through a divorce. Instead of going home at closing time, you found yourself awkwardly comforting the man (i.e., stiffly patting his shoulder) as he worryingly wailed loudly into the table while you tried to find a way to ethically and morally make him pay the bill (though, he did leave his most generous tip ever, but you guess it's likely because the bill was half its usual price). Your heart couldn’t help to ache as you saw him braving the rain without an umbrella, all by himself.

You would be lying if you said that the couple’s breakup didn’t affect you in any way, you couldn’t shake off the weird feeling it gave you. You swore, every time you served them, they were a couple madly in-love, did you really misread the whole situation?

As you walked through campus on your way to the lecture, you tried to not think about the couple and you tried to distract yourself from the strange feeling, reminding yourself of the excitement of today. Today was the day you could finally talk to Hoseok (cue you giggling and hiding your face). You could finally get to know him beyond what you see in the lectures, beyond the brief mentions about him in passing conversations with Yoongi, beyond his dance performances, beyond your fleeting exchanged glances. You finally will know Hoseok as a friend, or maybe something more (tee-hee). 

Just before you start to daydream (or as Yoongi would say: delude) about the potential conversations with Hoseok. You feel yourself still at the shattering sound beneath your feet. When you look down, you feel that odd feeling creep throughout your body; you accidentally crushed a pair of glasses on the ground. You don’t know why you remain staring at the broken lens (you also realise they are one of those expensive Ray Bans - yikes sorry to the owner). After you stood there for what felt like an eternity, it hit you why they look odd: they were rose-tinted glasses. 

You just broke a pair of rose-tinted glasses.

Huh.

The distraction caused you to arrive 2 minutes late for the lecture, having to sit on one of the only available seats right at the front of the lecture hall (no OSP today guys). Much to your sadness, this meant you were not able to sneak any glances at the man and his beautiful side profile. :(

Maybe it was the fact you didn’t have Hoseok to distract you or maybe it was the strange feeling that made you really listen to your professor without your usual optimistic bias. But you finally realise how lowkey (highkey) misogynistic your professor was about his wife.

“Now, as an example of positive reinforcement, I can’t help but talk about a perfect one from my own experiences. I’ve talked about my endless efforts to win my lovely wife over, the gestures, the flowers, the compliments. But now that I’ve won her heart, she associates me with all that lovey-dovey stuff so I don't need to do any of that anymore! Like, why bother doing anything extra when she’s already fulfilling her role and doing all my laundry? This type of conditioning gets you an endless supply of clean underwear! Or is that too problematic to say these days? Am I going to get cancelled?” Your professor laughs.

You feel your mouth gape in pure shock (and cringe), as your ears pick up the awkward and fake laughs throughout the lecture hall.

Huh. That wasn’t very romantic.

The professor continues on and leaves you with a sour taste in your mouth. That strange feeling intensifies throughout you for the rest of the hour and carries on until lunch.

- 

As you joined the group of people, you took a seat and offered smiles in response to everyone’s greetings. You noticed Hoseok had not arrived yet, and you tried not to react when you heard Namjoon, one of Jimin’s friends, complaining about his professor holding Hoseok back. From the 15 minutes you spend sitting with them, you deduce that Jimin’s friends are really nice: Namjoon was particularly endearing and Taehyung was charmingly entertaining. If it weren’t for the strange feeling nagging at you, you’d be more talkative, but instead, you could only muster occasional contributions to the conversation.

Feeling a nudge from your friend Molly next to you, you turned to her as she quietly asked if you were okay, worried because of your unusual silence. You quickly offer an excuse about stress from your group presentation and she nods, not entirely convinced. You also feel a brief comforting squeeze from your other friend, Lia, beside you. However, they both know you well enough to know that they shouldn’t press anything further. You meekly look around the table and you notice Yoongi already looking at you, a hint of concern forming on his face. You tried to reassure him with a big smile to indicate you are perfectly fine, but you could tell he wasn’t convinced. Curse your friends and their perceptiveness. But before he could press further, Jimin, being the angel that he is, distracts him with something funny on his phone, and you find yourself zoning out of the conversation.

“Well, I thought the movie was very good!” Taehyung argues.

“Of course you would think that movie was good, Tae,” Namjoon scoffs, “It was right up your hipster alley, a failed attempt at a romance movie disguised by some weird, unconventional filming techniques.”

Your attention snapped back when Taehyung gasped loudly.

“Failed attempt?” Taehyung repeats with disbelief, “I’ll have you know, that movie was the epitome of romance!”

“Tae, the most romantic thing about that movie was that it was caring enough to only put us through 1 hour of it,” Namjoon deadpans.

Chuckling spread around the table, leaving you a bit confused. You don’t even know what movie they’re talking about.

“Don’t talk about romance in front of Y/n guys” Lia teases, “We won’t hear the end of it, especially so close to Valentine’s day.”

Suddenly, all the attention is on you, your friends fondly looking at you, ready for your usual response. Normally, you’d play along and potentially bond with Taehyung over whatever movie this is. But instead, you stutter, unsure on how to respond.

“Well-” You start, before being interrupted.

“Oh my god, hey guys”, you hear from behind you, the voice slightly out of breath.

As everyone greets him back, you feel Lia, who was sitting next to you, shuffling to her left, making space for Hoseok to sit down. Next to you.

Instantly, the strange mood seems to dissipate into thin air. Omg he’s sitting next to you! Being a bit shy, you stay frozen, not turning around to look at the man. You feel yourself start to smile at the feeling of him next to you, and you nearly unconsciously moan at how good this man smells. Have some dignity Y/n, you think to yourself.

“Sorry I’m late, my meeting was supposed to be only 30 minutes but the professor went over an hour,” he laughs out, then looks towards his friend and his boyfriend, “I hope the in-law’s meeting is going well.”

Everyone around the table, including you, laughs, assuring him that it’s going well. You can’t help but let out a dreamy sigh - he’s so hot. Hoseok proceeds to go around to learn the names of the new faces, saying a nice to meet you to Lia, jokingly reintroducing himself to Yoongi (apparently they’re actually friends), and then mentioning to Molly that he is pretty sure they are in the same assignment group for one of his classes. Your face breaks out in a smile with how well he gets on with everyone. He is just so bright and sociable, you can’t help but feel your heart warm at the thought.

Finally, you muster the courage to turn towards him, intending to break the ice with the weird comment your professor said in the morning lecture but Hoseok starts before you.

He starts with the same gut-wrenchingly gorgeous smile,

“And what’s your name?”

Oh…

You feel yourself speechless at the question, colour draining in your face. If this was any other day and if this was anyone else, you would tease saying you’ve met before, joke about him already asking that question, maybe even fake hurt and dramatically ask if you were really that forgettable. But it did hurt, and you don’t feel like you have it in you to embarrass yourself, so instead you introduce yourself again.

For the third time.

“I’m Y/n”, you reply with a tense smile.

“Well it’s really nice to meet you!” He beams.

Throughout the entire lunch, silence envelops you like a suffocating blanket, muffling the chatter around you. All your senses are surrounded by Hoseok, yet he doesn’t even seem to notice you. You watch him interact effortlessly with others, his eyes light up with warmth and his smiles so familiar, you once believed they were reserved solely for you. But now, you realise those looks and smiles are merely part of his default demeanour, unfairly extended to everyone without second thought. The realisation cuts straight through you.

It’s not that he intentionally excludes you; he offers small nods and fleeting smiles of acknowledgements when your eyes meet. He just doesn’t fully register your presence or, better put, is interested in your presence more than he’s interested in anyone else. You don’t know what’s worse. Either way, the pang of insignificance hurts you deep as you sit there feeling like an idiot.

Meanwhile, your friends are engrossed in getting to know everyone else, and for the first time, you don’t bother deciphering the subtle exchanges between Molly and Taehyung, or analyse how well they bounce off each other, jokingly debating about something. Instead, you feel a bit irked by the sight of Jimin and Yoongi being so shyly cute with each other.

And it’s when Lia’s friendly tease prompts Hoseok to playfully poke her cheek, just like he did with you, you quietly stand up, wanting nothing more but to leave. The table suddenly grows quiet, your feigned excuse about seeing your professor being the only thing that is heard. After giving your friends a pointed look that says ‘please don’t follow me’, you pack your uneaten lunch and make a hasty exit, ignoring the worried gazes of your friends.

The truth hits you like a bus - he didn’t even know who you were. He treats everyone with the same warmth and friendliness, all those supposed shared moments weren’t special at all. You just convinced yourself they were, romanticising all those supposed connections to mean something. Did your brain really deluded you into thinking your foolish crush on him was actually requited?

Perhaps Yoongi was right about you. Unrealistic. Delusional. Now that you think about it, probably needs to be served with a restraining order. You didn’t just imagine that Hoseok was interested in you too but you also imagined that he actually knew who you were.

You feel like a fool.

As you fight back tears from spilling from your eyes, you trudge home, neglecting your next lecture. You’ll catch up on it later.

As you quietly slip away, a concerned silence settles over the group. Your friends exchange glances, each wondering if anyone knows what might be troubling you.

“Is she okay?” Namjoon breaks the silence, his brows furrowing with genuine concern as the group’s gaze follows your retreating figure.

“I actually don’t know…” Molly answers, her voice laced with worry, “She was so quiet. She said something earlier about a presentation but I know she doesn’t have anything like that coming up, so…”

“Shit, I should’ve said something earlier”, Yoongi mumbles with a loud sigh, reaching for his phone to send a message in your group chat.

Are you okay? Are you going back to the house? We’ll come meet you - yoongi

“We should go check on her.” Lia suggests, already rising from her seat, with Molly and Yoongi following suit.

Just then, the group’s phones all ping. Yoongi instantly reads the notification

I’m fine! I just have a headache :( - y/n

Don’t you dare move away from that table, Yoongi. You guys better have fun for me! I’ll see you guys at the house! - y/n

With a small scoff, Yoongi is about to ignore your pleas and continue to pack his things but then the phone pings again.

Please don’t come meet me - y/n

As Yoongi reads your last message, he sits down with a dejected sigh, everyone watching him curiously. The other two pull their phones out to read the messages, also sitting back down.

“I think she just wants to be alone.” Yoongi clarifies.

“Are you guys sure?” Jimin cautiously asks, “We don’t mind if you guys have to go.” 

The other three men agree with Jimin, their concerns evident. Reluctantly, Yoongi shakes his head and assures the group that they don’t need to leave, mentioning that he’ll talk to you later at the house. Silence descends on the table once more.

“I hope everything’s alright,” Jimin voices, “maybe something happened during her classes?”

“No, she only had that intro to psych lecture this morning and she always mentions how that’s pretty chill,” Molly dismisses, looking down deep in thought.

“Oh, I’m in that class” Hoseok suddenly interjects, drawing everyone’s attention, “I didn’t notice anything unusual.”

“Yeah, I forgot you’re in that class” Yoongi remarks, “I’m surprised you haven’t run into her.”

Hoseok nods silently. Suddenly, realisation dawns on him. He knew you looked familiar - you’ve literally spoken before. He guesses he didn’t remember cause it was a long time ago, and he never sees you in the lecture hall. Perhaps you always sit in the back? Now guilt weighs on him, remembering your face earlier. Your eyes lit up in familiarity and a cute smile grew on your face, until he asked for your name. Then you looked embarrassed, your eyes slightly dimming. He didn’t recognise you. Hoseok falls silent, consumed by his thoughts.

“Well,” Jimin starts, trying to steer the conversation in a more positive direction, “I hope she’s okay! You always talk about Y/n so I can’t wait to get to know her.”

Yoongi smiles warmly at Jimin, appreciating the attempt to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, Yoongi talks about how endearing Y/n is,” Jimin continues, addressing his friends, “I actually met her once before! I think she got stuck in the library doors, and I helped her out. I was so surprised because most people would be really embarrassed but she was so grateful and optimistic. It really threw me off guard. No idea why she would be friends with you, Yoongi”

The conversation shifts and the table bursts out in laughter as Yoongi rolls his eyes playfully. 

“No, really, sometimes she’s the complete opposite of you, Yoons,” Lia adds with excitement, “I literally remember when Molly was ordering our drinks and started to argue with one of the guys at the bar, so we were gonna go over and help her. But, Y/n stopped us, insisting that they were clearly just flirting. Then, Yoongi and Y/n started bickering about whether or not they were about to fight or kiss. Then all of a sudden we heard a scream and realised Molly threw her drink on him and they started to fight.”

“I’ll never forget Y/n’s face,” Yoongi heartedly laughs, reminiscing the incident, “I’ve never seen her more mortified.”

Everyone joins in the laughter. Hoseok looks around, noting how just the thought of you brightens your friend’s faces.

“Oh my God, that day got us banned from that place!,” Molly added, “I swear, she can romanticise anything.”

“Sounds like Taehyung with that atrocious ‘romance’ movie”, Namjoon jokes, earning a playful jab from the man.

“That’s it, someone bring Y/n back. I need someone to back me up on this”, Taehyung jokingly whines, eliciting more laughter, “I’ll force her to be my new movie buddy.”

“As long as it’s a romance movie, she won’t need much convincing”, Lia adds.

“With the movies Tae enjoys, we can only pray for her”, Namjoon sarcastically comments, dodging another hit from Taehyung.

“Well, Y/n finds joy and beauty in most things,” Yoongi starts, his eyes softening as he reflects on your unique perspective “I’m jealous of her, she can find love in anything and everything.”

The table falls into momentary silences, Yoongi’s words hanging in the air. Hoseok’s gaze flickers with intrigue as he processes the sentiment. His perception of you subtly shifts when Lia, with a mischievous grin, adds,

"Well, she loves love".

So you have actually decided you hate love.

Upon arriving home, you collapse onto your bed, letting your tears flow freely. You found yourself unable to stop crying. You don’t know if it's from the sheer humbling experience or the sorrow of mourning your imagined relationship with Hoseok. You just couldn't believe that he would do that to you? After everything you’ve imagined been through?

For the remainder of the week, you choose to avoid your university commitments, wallowing in self-pity within the safe confinement of your bedroom. Despite sharing a house with your three friends, you surprisingly succeed in avoiding conversation with them. Occasionally, when you attempt to sneak out to use the toilet, you find sweet treats left at your bedroom door - a silent reminder that they’re there whenever you’re ready to talk. But three whole days pass without a word. You even miss Valentine’s day.

On Thursday, a knock interrupts your solitude, and you fully intend to ignore it, not yet ready to face the outside world.

“Y/n, I’m coming in whether you like it or not, so you have 30 seconds to not be naked before I open this door.” Yoongi announces from outside, anticipating your refusal.

“Come in.” he hears you mumble from inside.

He enters to find you cocooned in your blanket on the bed. You both share a silent gaze and Yoongi’s heart aches at the sight of your eyes slowly filling up with tears. As your lips start to quiver, about to burst out in tears, Yoongi rushes over and envelops you in his arms.

Yoongi isn’t known for giving hugs, but as you sob into his shirt, you realise he should do it more often; he’s a really good hugger. And in the second that you feel your friend give you a comforting kiss on the crown of your head, you let go completely.

Yoongi remains silent the whole time you reveal your crush on Hoseok. The only sign you know he is still listening is when he tightens his grasp on you whenever your story elicits harder sobs. Yoongi knows its best to not say or question anything, especially when you start blubbering about some acronym he’s never heard of (something about an OPM), which means 2 rows behind and 10 seats to the left? He decides to not probe further, understanding that right now you just need someone to listen.

"I’m so stupid, I should've known this would have happened, I always get carried away, I always do this,” You sob tiredly, messily wiping your snotty nose, “I need to stop being like this, I think there’s something actually wrong with me Yoongi. I feel like a complete idiot”

Through your swollen eyes, you see him shake his head.

“No, Y/n, stop it. You’re not stupid, you’re not an idiot, there’s nothing wrong with you, and you definitely don’t need to stop being you.” Yoongi scolds, pulling you in for another hug.

“B-but you even said it yourself, I’m unrealistic with these things,” You choke before bursting out into full-on wails, “I made myself believe that he actually liked me back and he didn’t even know I existed.”

You both remain hugging for a while, and with the feeling of Yoongi soothingly rubbing your back, your sobs gradually calm down.

"You know," Yoongi begins quietly, "I love you and I love that you love love because your love for love pushed me to try to be with someone I'm in love with. Only you could've done that.”

The room falls quiet as you digest his words..

“And I also hate how many times I said love in that sentence"

"You said it at least 6 times" you sniffle, smiling up at your friend, “Thank you, Yoons.”

He mirrors your smile.

“Don’t even mention it.” He says, pulling you in for a side hug, “And to hell with that man. Surely if he doesn’t even appreciate my best friend, he’s not worth it. What’s even so great about him?! Huh?” He shouts out, as you let out a small sniffing giggle.

"He's got really great cheekbones", you start, and a beat of silence passes as Yoongi meekly agrees.

"Yeah, he does.”

In an attempt to cheer you up, Yoongi invites you to join him and Jimin for lunch on Sunday before your shift, promising a rather unconventional third-wheel experience. Despite your initial hesitations, as you watch the undeniable cuteness between them, your temporary barriers crumble, and you watch their interactions with joy and just the faintest tinie-wine hint of bittersweetness. Perhaps it’s because Jimin’s genuine concern for your well-being radiates comfort or maybe it’s his angelic aura, you find yourself confiding in him about your crush on Hoseok.

As you share your sorrows with the two men in front of you, you release a sigh of relief as he takes in the information with nothing but open-mindedness and kindness. His reassurance and comfort that Hoseok’s forgetfulness is not a reflection of you, but rather a quirk of his character - or, as Jimin admits, an annoyance - brings you comfort, leaving you feeling better as you make your way to work. 

Throughout the rest of your shift, a sense of peace settles within you. Perhaps, deep down, there’s a part of you that just thrives on romance and love, a factor ingrained in your disposition. As you clean tables, you come to the realisation: who cares if romance seems a bit elusive to you right now? It undeniably exists in the world, evident all around you. In your friends, in love songs, and even in those silly magnet socks. And that brings you happiness - a fact made abundantly clear by the joy you feel knowing your friend is experiencing it. 

Maybe, just maybe, it’s just not your time, and you muster the courage to admit, with a shaky exhale, that perhaps Hoseok simply wasn’t meant to be that person for you.

But you don’t dwell on that thought for too long, getting distracted by your divorced regular walking in with a new woman.

- 

You stride to your Monday lecture actually feeling really great. I mean, you acquired a new friend (Jimin <3), you have a feeling Molly may have a little thing for Taehyung (which you’ll undoubtedly observe with unsolicited interest at lunch), and your Sunday regular (who strangely moved on from a whole marriage in just a week) still gives good tips. You feel ecstatic even.

On your way to your lecture, you pause briefly. Your eyebrows furrow at the sight of two rats sitting together on a bench, their tails somehow strangely interlocking. It was oddly and bizarrely romantic, prompting you to send a picture in the groupchat. For once, everyone actually agreed, even Yoongi.

So, who cares if you romanticise things? It got you this far, even through countless 9am lectures - a victory for someone with your habit of missing lectures. Perhaps you could still appreciate Hoseok's face, it's still a gorgeous face. And besides, when you really think about it, you don't actually know anything about him! He might actually be an awful person! You try to tell yourself that, but there’s still a small part of your heart that remains unconvinced.

You enter the lecture hall surprisingly 10 minutes early, say goodbye to OSP, hello to sitting wherever the fuck you want (which is kind of a relief considering Hoseok tended to sit really far behind and you really struggled to see the board sometimes).

Absorbed in Yoongi’s latest post of him and Jimin, you’re startled by a familiar voice beside you.

"Is this seat taken?"

Oh?

You look up to see the devastatingly handsome ray of sunshine himself, gesturing to the seat where your bag is on. You try not to inwardly scream at how good he looks. He’s wearing glasses you’ve never seen before and a really fluffy looking red jumper, which just makes him look so boyfriend and so, so gorgeous.

"No, it's not actually", you hesitantly move your bag and offer a polite smile.

You watch him sit down next to you and give you another earth-shaking smile, to which you offer a timid one back. You curse your heart for speeding up.

Don't get your hopes up, Y/n.

In order to distract yourself, you look down at your phone again and answer some messages from your family, unaware of Hoseok stealing glances at you. 

He notices just how cute your nose is, how sparkly your eyes are when you gleefully read whatever is on your screen. He is a bit embarrassed to admit how much he would love to know how to make the corners of your lips move upwards like that. He also notes his sudden urge to grab your attention away from your screen and onto something else. Or maybe someone else.

He also feels the need to giggle and scream into a pillow. Huh.

Before he opens his mouth to make conversation and apologise for what happened last week, the professor begins his lectures, interrupting his chance.

As the lecture progresses, your professor makes another weird ‘joke’ about his wife, which makes you halt your note taking to stare at him in disbelief.

"I’m so surprised his wife hasn’t left him yet" Hoseok whispers to you.

You giggle at the remark, your head instinctively dipping down to avoid drawing attention. Hoseok's eyes brighten at the sound of your laugh, completely captivated by the sound. If you looked at him at this moment, you would notice that his face lit up much more than usual, a glint of endearment painting his smile. Your eyes meet, and for a moment, time stands still. You’re struck with how breathtakingly pretty he looks up close, it’s almost unfair. Your eyes are drawn to details you never noticed before - like the charming mole on his lips that makes you <3 (also ignites the desire to kiss it).

Although you know the lesson from the past week was that you can sometimes be delusional in your romanticising, but this time you are 100% sure you see it objectively: Hoseok briefly looks down at your lips before meeting your gaze again. It’s clear you didn’t imagine it, as you catch a sudden look of embarrassment wash over his face as if he got caught out. That’s because he did just get caught out.

You both look away from each other’s eyes, the intensity of the moment becoming a bit too overwhelming. But you both continue to sit together in silence, your shoulders brushing, with wide, bashful smiles plastered on your faces. The same thoughts (or lack thereof) swirling in both of your minds:

Tee-hee.

a/n: tee-motherfucking-hee :) Thank you for reading!

[mykoreanlove]

mislead in a cap

You stood on the balcony overlooking the neon city lights while Hoseok was standing behind you, silently smoking his third cigarette. Neither of you said a word but it was evident that a lot was lingering on his mind. You felt the cold summer breeze on your naked skin, shivering lightly. 

Hoseok flipped the cigarette aside and hugged you from behind, sharing his body warmth with you.

„Why do you still keep seeing me, y/n?“, he muttered softly.

There it was. The question that had been lingering in the back of his mind for a very long time. He was right to ask as there was no plausible reason for you to keep doing that. Doing him.

„I guess I kind of like it“, you mumbled truthfully. 

The grip around your waist got harder as he was leaning into you more.

„But you do remember our conversation from the first time?“

You sighed heavily, still remembering every word from that night. You had moved to Seoul for a fresh start, a fresh beginning in life, love and moreover in yourself. It didn’t take long for you to meet Hoseok as you had a mutual friend but you never had predicted the outcome of your serendipitous meeting. Shy glances turned into passionate gazes accompanied by coy kisses that turned into lustful sex. He wasn’t your typical type but you felt a pull towards him like never before. 

Your first real date, or rather spontaneous hook up, ended in your apartment drinking and getting to really know each other. He never intended to spill all of his secrets but the booze loosened his tongue just as much as your safe energy ripped up his shields. 

„I got cheated on three times, actually.“, he confessed out of the blue. „The last time was the hardest. We were together for almost a year and I planned on marrying her but you know, she had other plans.“ 

Hoseok’s eyes, usually shimmering with positive energy, suddenly turned dull. 

„Do you want to know how I figured it out? She moaned another guy’s name in bed. That’s how I figured it out.“, he explained flatly.

You threw your arms around him, hugging him as tightly as you could. All you could feel was empathy and sorrow - how could someone do that? 

„It’s okay, y/n. It is what it is.“

„It’s not okay. It really isn’t“, you protested.

„That’s just how my life is. It’s shit.“

His eyes got even gloomier, making you shudder with heartbreak.

„No really, just ask around. The others already know. My life is a piece of shit.“ 

Hoseok pained but fascinated you at the same time. 

„I wondered why that happened, you know. I wondered if I was too outgoing, if I should have been stricter with her. As soon as I left town she cheated on me. So, that’s what I figured. Relationships just don’t work if someone is away for a while and since I’m traveling often, relationships are just not for me.“ 

There it was, the ugly monster that was roaring its head. Hoseok sounded just like you when you got your heart broken by the last guy who dumped you as soon as you got out of town. You were too taken aback by this coincidence to really understand what he was implying though.

Instead, you felt an even stronger pull towards him, one that would bring you to your knees often. Slow, sad kisses turned to more and before you knew it he was inside of you, fucking the sadness away. Loving him like that was risky, for your body and heart but you didn’t care. Hoseok triggered another side within you, one that was reckless and risky.

„Why do you like me?“, he asked while placing soft kisses on your temples.

„This is going to sound so cheesy but uhm….I like you because you feel like sunshine.“, you confessed. 

A small giggle escaped his lips before the mood changed for the inevitable.

„You need to find someone else, y/n. Someone who’s decent.“

You held in your breath, not knowing how to respond.

„You remember what I told you? I’ll be leaving town soon for two weeks, so because of that nothing more, nothing serious could ever happen between us.“

Remembering it brought up the pain you felt back then, still after weeks of seeing him. 

He told you to stay away, yet both of you couldn’t resist the other. Endless nights spent under the sheets turned into your little secret.

„I do remember.“

„Then why do you do it? Why are you wasting your time with me?“

You turned around and faced him, brushing a strand of hair out of his face.

„I can’t leave you alone because I see myself in you, Hoseok.“

He frowned in response, not really getting your point.

„How so?“

„We’re both very similar if you think about it. Both of us have been hurt in love which is why we tend to be attracted to people that are unavailable, we’re not even risking getting our heart broken. At least not that much, so it would really hurt. But there’s more than meets the eye.“, you explained softly.

„More?“, he asked curiously.

„Yeah.“, you nodded. „Remember what I said when you asked me why I liked you?“

„Cause I feel like sunshine..“, he muttered under his breath.

„Exactly. You have this radiating aura, full of good vibes and positivity. But that’s all just an act. If you look closely enough, you’ll notice that you’re broken and sad. Hurt and disappointed. All that sunshine persona is just a facade. Just something to cover up how you really feel on the inside.“

Hoseok’s eyes started to glisten instantly, he let go of you and turned around.

He felt caught, suffocated even. All these years he was cautious enough to not let someone see beyond the surface, yet you caught on instantly. 

„I am right, aren’t I?“, you asked cautiously. 

He looked over his shoulder, staring directly at you while tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

„Let’s end this, y/n. Once and for all.“ 

[back2bluesidex]

J-Hope Fic Recommendations (18+)

If you are already following me for quite some time then you should know that I am a massive masochist and I like to torture myself by reading and writing angsty stories. So, most of the stories that I recommended are angsty as well (might as well have sad endings). So please carefully read the warnings before proceeding. Have a happy reading.

And please don't expect much from me. There are several other rec lists far better than mine. The only motive I had behind creating this list to promote some of the stories, which I think are very underrated. especially angsty ones. These stories are beautifully written so.. I just wanted to let the authors know how phenomenal of a job they have done (As a writer myself I know how much this actually means). Thanks to these amazing writers and I am grateful that they decided to share their work here with us.

[Minors please stay away from my blog!]

Key: F - Fluff, A- Angst, S- Smut, Y- Yandere, *- Personal Favorite

Oneshots

1. Ash from his fire by @filmcrystal - A, implied S, cheating au

It will break your heart so please proceed with caution.

2. Forbidden Fruit by @deepdarkdelights - A, Y

This one deals with several triggering topics. Hence, read the warnings carefully. But I can say that you will love this twisted mafia Hoseok way too much!

3. Shadows by @borathae - A, exes au

One of the most underrated stories I have ever read! Yeah, it is very angsty and Hoseok is so cruel but... we all are masochist here. lmao!

4. Heaven sent by @aquagustd - A, F, S, f2l au

Sexy soccer player Hoseok is just another name for perfection.

5. Bound by @explicit-tae - S, kinda f2l

Talk abut BDSM! GOOOD Sweet Lord!!!

6. Jigsaw by @sunshinejunghoseokie - A *

I remembered crying after reading this one. So damn underrated that it physically hurts me!!

7. Delta Disorder by @bangtanintotheroom Y, S, Supernatural au

I don't usually read supernatural stuff but this demon Hoseok is way too sexy to skip!

8. Systems of Touch by @yeoldontknow - S, F, tiny A, S2l au

Beautifully written! The author used 100% of their capabilities to write this one. Perfectly drawn Professor Hoseok with a very attractive character of reader. Certainly a treat to read.

9. 2:00 AM by @likeastarstar - A, fuckbuddy Hoseok

Part of a series but can be read as a standalone. and Hoseok is a dick in this.

10. Love Quarrels by @mirahuyooo - A, F, mafia au

A cold yet soft mafia husband Hoseok chases behind his angry wife... could there be anything better than that?

11. The Hook Up ft. JK by @minisugakoobies - S

A little bit of a triangle.. but not love? if that makes sense.

12. Entelechy by @drmflm - suggestive (I believe)

Can't call this one angst and neither is this about Hoseok (he is there, don't worry). This one is more about the reader and her growth and it's beautiful.

13. Orgasms on the verge of a nervous breakdown by @sluttyandere - S, Y *

This is very dark and quite triggering, so please don't read unless you can handle those stuff.

14. For the night by @aseaofyoongi - A, S

I cried. that's all.

15. We Shouldn't by @beahae - S **

Hands down to one of my most favourite Hoseok smuts ever!!! This one has a Jimin follow-up so make sure to read that too.

16. Real or not real by @nmjoo-n - A, S, F **

Again one of the most exquisite Hoseok fics I have ever read!

17. Checkmate by @sunshinejoon - A, S

This was supposed to have a sequel but it is perfect regardless.

18. Do I wanna know - @yoongiphoria - A, f2? ****

Now, MJ knows how much I love this one. I often read this story and I never ever get bored of it! I love this to the core and you should too!

19. Scrap - @silv3rswirls - A, Y, S

Dark and sexy. Read the warnings carefully please.

20. It's a Promise by @sahmfanficbts - S, A, Arranged marriage au

Just read it.

21. Three by @hamsterclaw - S

Again.. VERY UNDERRATED!

22. Wonderwall by @kiara-ish - A with an open ending

Might not be for the faint hearted.

23. Infatuated by @bangtanfancamp - F

If you like high school love au then this one is for you.

24. Constellations of You by @persphonesorchid - S, F, established relationship au

This is so domestic that my heart almost exploded while reading!!

25. Burning flames or paradise by @/yoongiphoria - A, tiny f ****

MJ does magic.... that's all I can say.

26. Alone again by @archivedkookie - A, F

I loooove these kinds of stories. Just the right amount of despair with the right amount of hope... beautiful.

27. Feeling Good by @bonvoyagenoona - A, S

Everything I write about this will fall short.. so I will just shut up and let you enjoy the goodness.

28. Distracted by @dilfhoseokie - S

Ahem..

29. Drink Champaign in my airplane by @/bangtanintotheroom - F, S, F2l

Perfectly embodies a rich hot CEO friend Hoseok... a fun read.

30. Keynote by @missgeniality - S **********

MY MOST FAVORITE HOSEOK ONESHOT TO EXIST IN THE PLANET. yeah.. (this has a follow-up but I like this one better)

Series

The thing is that I don't usually read series. I just don't have that patience. So this list is pretty small and forgive me for that.

1. Transference by @dark-muse-iris - A, S, F, S2l *********************

[Completed]

I wasn't the same after reading this. I can't talk about this trantric therapist Hoseok, 'cause I will never shut up if I start.

2. Kanalia by @xjoonchildx - A, S, f (?) *********************

[Ongoing]

Honestly, who isn't a sucker for Lord Jung? You must be sick if you are not. (On a side note.. Kanalia is keeping me alive from jumping off trains on tough days)

3. Guarded by @/xjoonchildx - A, S, F, S2l

[Completed]

Mafia Hoseok with dogtags. I think that's enough of an introduction.

If you want to read the Hoseok stories I write, you can checkout my Masterlist.

[curryshesus]

bts fics that give me life in a drought

(aka my favorite fics of all time) pt. 2

didn't expect to make a part 2 so soon but seeing how much recognition the first one got, here we are! some of these contain a hearty amount of angst, and oh they're just simply divine :( once again, please make sure to show your love and support to these lovely authors if you enjoyed any of these reads as much as i did!

➺ knife’s edge - by @readyplayerhobi

| jungkook x reader, jimin x reader | 141.8k

mafia au, fluff, angst, smut, violence, series

>> summary: "the jeon clan is family, built on blood and loyalty. it’s been an unspoken fact that one day you will marry the heir to the clan, jeon jungkook. you would be a fool to deny that you love him, but what happens when you meet a blue haired man who offers you a chance at normality?"

this fic absolutely BROKE ME. i was so conflicted all throughout and deadass went through all the 50 stages of grief. the angst was unparalleled. the fluff had me giggling like a madman cuz jk is an absolute sweetheart :( jimin is too :(( y/n is dumb and so is her situation :((( i cherish this fic sm

➺ novocaine - by @kinktae

| jimin x reader |

1990s au, exes au, angst, eventual smut, series

>> summary: "going home was hard – painful even. but falling back in love with jimin, the boy you left behind? downright gut-wrenching."

➺ ghostin him- by @adonis-koo

| namjoon x reader (taehyung x reader) | 26k

angst, angst, as well as angst. comfort too dw, one-shot

>> summary: "life is nothing more than dull colors for you, your world shattered and laying in the shards of what once was rather than focusing on what is. that is until you meet kim namjoon, who is immediately taken by you without realizing you’re a girl with a whole lot of baggage, through tears and many sleepless nights you’re faced with a choice of hanging on with bleeding hands, or accepting what is, and letting go."

ohmygod the writing hello? the amount of soul, depth, and sheer utter beauty in missy's words are beyond me. had me sobbing every other line and my heart aching all throughout and boy was it worth it.

➺ take five - by @jiminrings

| yoongi x reader | 10k

angst, fluff, unrequited love, pinning

summary: "dr. min yoongi's a board-certified dermatologist; skilled, renowned, and in-demand - oh and also, he's divorced."

➺ page turner - by @gukslut

| taehyung x reader | 13.6k

teacher!tae/ librarian!reader, fluff, smut, minor angst

summary: "corny romance and a zillion cheesy Romeo and Juliet quotes and references."

my tainted hopeless romantic heart ugh. they're so cute.

➺ bloom- by @hobidreams

| namjoon x reader | 20.7k

assassin!reader x florist!namjoon, smut, angst, action, sprinkles of fluff

>> summary: "family is who you kill for. who you die for. in this society, you and your kin are shadows, clinging to the darkness to obey orders absolute. but when such orders command you to abandon what little honor remains for wealth and notoriety, you find yourself lost in lonely uncertainty about the only vocation you’ve ever known. that is, until you meet a man with gentle hands, a poet’s heart, and a love for coaxing the world into bloom."

➺ counterfeit culture - by @ggukcangetit

| seokjin x reader | 29k

modern day au loosely based on jane austen’s pride & prejudice, e2l, fluff, smut, comedy

>>summary: “for as long as you can remember, you’ve always known right from wrong, good from bad, and woke from entitled/ignorant. but when you continue to cross paths with Kim Seokjin - the apparent antithesis of everything you believe in - certain walls begin to crumble. and over time, you come to realise that the world isn’t black and white, first impressions can be misleading, and that you are just as guilty as each person you’ve judged so harshly. realisation brings acceptance, and maybe, just maybe, acceptance can bring something more.”

➺ if i told you - by @gukyi

| jungkook x reader | 22k

friends to lovers!au, college!au, fluff, comedy, angst

>> summary: "in order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him."

➺ to hold a dragon's heart - by @softlyjiminie

| taehyung x reader | 19.1k

dragon prince!kim taehyung x warrior princess!reader, smut, angst, fluff, forbidden romance, dragon shifter!au, royalty!au, enemies to lovers!au

>> summary: "two kingdoms, two hearts and the world between them. your whole life has been a challenge, never an easy moment on your road to becoming queen but will one decision, one encounter with the man you were destined to hate, change the fate of your worlds, forever?"

[stxrvel]

the one where you came close! (2)

series summary. the holy grail of the seven men who ruled the country's entertainment used to be your friends at school. now, ten years later and between successes and failures, what reason would they have to want to come back into your life? pairing. eventually ot7 x f!reader. content. first of all, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes! curse words, we're still on the safe zone, angst if you squint, just silly writing! a/n. hi guys! finally second chapter is out! im blown away with your response!! thank u so much from the bottom of my heart! i loooooved reading your comments <33 pls remember updates are weekly or biweekly! and if you want to be tagged pls say so in the comments! see you next week ;)

series masterlist | bts masterlist | previous | next

“This is unbelievable! We're going to be rich!!!” 

“What makes you think my sister is going to give you any of that money?” 

“I created that Instagram account that was tagged in Kim Taehyung's damn story, I deserve a raise!” 

“What makes you drones think my daughter is going to give you any of that money?”

“None of you are going to get anything out of that act of feigned innocence. Honey, are you all right?”

It seemed like a light had gone on in the room, four pairs of eyes landing on your still pale, surprised face. The night had been heavy after Yuna's call and you'd had so little sleep that you didn't know how you were functioning at the moment. Maybe that was the thing: you weren't functioning at all.

When you woke up, you thought it had all been a bad dream and that definitely the first exposure you'd had to the guys in years hadn't been because Taehyung came across your books at a convention you decided not to go to and uploaded them to his Instagram account with over eighty million followers. It was impossible, wasn't it? Too crazy. 

Maybe not as crazy as waking up to your parents banging on your bedroom door saying that over a hundred thousand orders had been placed overnight and they didn't have enough book production for that much demand. 

Be that as it may, Yuna and your mother took care of the communications on the account. You went from having twenty followers (including your family and friends —your father had created an account exclusively for that and only followed you—), to almost sixty thousand in at least twelve hours. The posts you had worked so hard to create and put together were finally getting the attention they deserved, but it had all happened so fast and suddenly that it was too strong to process calmly. 

Weighing which was stronger, whether Taehyung's acknowledgment of your existence after so many years of zero contact or that your book sales shot up so immeasurably that they couldn't even keep up with demand, even if a month went by, didn't make things any easier. 

“She's obviously still in shock,” Yuna replied to your mother at your lack of response from the living room, right across the dining room where you had been sitting since you had come down from your room. Your breakfast was still untouched on the table, but that seemed to be the least important thing in the room with all the more important news. 

“Have the printers answered yet?” your brother's voice through the speaker of your father's phone rang as you blinked, reality settling too slowly on your shoulders. You didn't even want to think about what it meant that Taehyung had done that. Maybe it was simply an altruistic act, wasn't it? Maybe he felt guilt and wanted to ameliorate it somehow. What better way than to do an act of charity?

“I'm on it,” your father was sitting across from you in the dining room, his laptop on the glass of the table as he moved his hands over the keyboard and stared through his glasses at the full tip of his nose. From the way his eyes narrowed, your mother snorted. 

“Why don't you get those glasses adjusted if you know you don't see well up close, let alone on electronic devices?” the woman reached over, dragging your father's glasses until they were almost glued to his eyebrows. Your father barely gave her a goofy grin as your mother started shaking her hands. “You better move. I'll do it. You write too slow; you're getting on our son's nerves.” 

“Nah, I'm fine. I don't know if y/n is tho.” 

Silence returned and you growled internally. Well, that was enough conjecture and assumptions without any information to substantiate them, it was time to get down to business. 

 “Do you think we should take over this business now?” Yuna completely ignored your stretch and you sent her a confused look. 

Your brother exclaimed from the phone in agreement. “I call dibs on the treasury!” 

“There's no way you can keep the accounts right! You're studying law.” 

“Seojun is good at numbers, Yuna.” 

 “Ha, with all due respect Mrs. I/n, he must only be good at counting sheep.”

 “Hey,” you tried to get attention, getting up from the chair. 

 “y/n, don't talk, you're still in shock. Can you believe he once called me from the supermarket to ask if he got his change right? He didn't even move from the checkout counter. There were people booing him.” 

 “Ow, my poor baby.” 

 “I told you not to say that to anyone!” 

 “I can't keep quiet if they're speaking lies about you!” 

 “This wasn't lies! This is about my pride!” 

 “Nonsense. I'll handle the treasury. I double majored in finance and international relations for a reason.” 

 “You can't run anything without starting bossing everyone around!” 

 “It's not my fault you're a good-for-nothing!” 

 God. It was going to be a long day. 

- 

Sorting out the whole printing issue and the number of orders was difficult, but with a couple of stories, interactions with new followers and express delivery of the few copies you'd already had at home for months, the waters calmed down a bit. Now, in the stifling silence of your room, you wanted to run. 

 “Are you going to stare at the ceiling all night?” 

 “Maybe.” 

Yuna watched you from the bed while all you could do was stare as notifications continued to pop up on your Instagram account and your mail because the requests simply wouldn't stop, even though you had made a thousand clarifications to all the new followers. You were trying to focus on the bright side of things, regardless of whatever reasons there may have been for everything to have happened that way, but with your friend's incessant gaze lying on your bed it made it a little difficult. You knew she wanted to pierce your skull from curiosity, but you wouldn't know how you would answer her questions. 

 “Is there anything you'd like to share with the class?” 

 The tension had become a little more latent during the last few minutes, when Yuna saw a specific notification on the account. Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin had followed you. To describe your look of shock might be an understatement, and all you did for the next half hour was run across the room and throughout the house vociferating that you were living a nightmare. 

 Yuna has known all along that you had never been a fan of the siamese or their clan of friends, but she never knew why exactly. You had to tell her that you weren't interested in fashion, that you didn't like the kind of music Jungkook made, that hip-hop was never your thing, that you weren't interested in dilfs and you weren't interested in dance either. You had to tell her that all the things you once did with them didn't matter to you because it was painful, even if it was hard to accept.

 You couldn't remember the times you would go shopping at the small mall in town to buy the trending clothes to put together different outfits with Taehyung and Jimin, then go try them all on at your house and invite the others and even your parents to do an impromptu runway show. You couldn't remember how the genre of music that Jungkook and you listened to all the time on his iPod and your MP3 player was the same one that his entire music career focuses on. You couldn't remember the nights when Yoongi would share his writings with you and you would help him compose a song or two on the piano when he felt brave enough. Or the times when you would accompany Hoseok to his workouts and then watch him create dance routines to his favorite songs while Jungkook sang in the background. You also didn't want to remember the times when Namjoon and Seokjin would sponsor their trips and give everyone gifts without expecting anything in return. 

You couldn't remember those things. It was too much to bear for such a weak heart. 

“What do you want to know?” you sighed, your body sliding on the chair as the notifications grew. 

“How did all this happen?” 

“Why do you think I have an answer for that?” 

Yuna clicked her tongue, sitting on the bed with the cell phone still in her hands, still staring at the notification that snapped her out of her sanity. 

“It's just… this is all unbelievable, magnificent and unreal. But how come you're not so excited about what happened?” Yuna slid across the sheets, to be right in front of you, but you refused to look away from the computer. Every time you thought you had overcome and grown around everything that happened so many years ago, something would pop up to remind you that you still had a long way to go. Maybe the nostalgia was strong, but so was the anger. “Regardless of how things turned out, because I know you're not as big a fan as me, this opens a million doors for you and I don't know why you're not celebrating it like we are.” 

 “It's…complicated.” 

 “I don't think so. Tell me.” 

Yuna was unstoppable when she wanted to get answers out, but besides the obvious, of course there was something else that bothered you and kept you from enjoying this boom so much. 

 “It's just that all of this doesn't feel like it was a product of my effort,” you began, letting your gaze wander over the desk. The copies of your books you kept for yourself, the first ones you'd ever printed several years ago, lay there, as tattered as your failed accomplishment. “It doesn't feel like an achievement that my work had exploded thanks to a celebrity whose fans would buy even the toilet paper he uses. A lot of those people won't even read the book. They will just buy it and take a picture of it to say that they have the same book that the great Kim Taehyung read. Many of those books will never have a life, they will just be dust collectors and be reminders that all this did not happen because of my effort.” 

“What the fuck are you blabbering about? Of course it's the fruit of your effort! Of course you deserve it!” Yuna got up from the bed and moved the chair around the back to leave you in front of her disgruntled and almost offended face. You could see the words drawn in her face. “You worked so many years to pull this off and after so many bumps you finally can! You deserve to have what you wanted so badly. This recognition will last just the same because many other people will read them and love them and they may not be many, but you will form a solid foundation as time goes on with people who will be truly unconditional and supportive and that will grow over time. Don't look at this so negatively, maybe you skipped a couple of steps, but you had every right to. It was what you deserved after all the effort and dedication you put into this project for so many years.” 

 Yuna didn't hesitate for a second. Her very serious expression sent a shiver down your spine and you could tell from her furrowed brow that she really was angry at your perception. Perhaps she was right, but without knowing the full background of this specific situation, you were only left to shake your head in assent and send her a grateful smile. 

“I guess you're right,” you lifted a shoulder, turning your gaze back to your mail notifications.

“Of course I am!” the smile returned to her face and it didn't take long for her to look back down at her phone with sparkling eyes. “Now that we got the emotional charge out of the way, would you mind telling me how you know Taehyung?” 

Your breathing stopped for a second and you cursed yourself because it sounded too loud as you almost choked on your own saliva. 

“Oh?” 

Play fucking dumb. 

“What, did you think I wasn't going to notice? He wrote it crystal clear.” 

Yuna wasn't even looking at you, too focused on running her finger over the row of notifications. Her nonchalant demeanor only caused you to panic more. It was as if she had caught you red-handed. 

One of the best writers I've ever met in my life, damn you Kim Taehyung. 

“Ah… I didn't… I didn't really know him so let's just say…”

“He couldn't have said that for nothing, don't you think? No celebrity would do that unless it was a person they hold in deep regard.” 

Yuna had just caught you totally off guard. Maybe you should've focused a lot more on what Taehyung had written before you blocked his user from your personal account and threw the phone in the bottom of your drawer the night before and tried hard not to think about the rest for the rest of the night and all that day. 

“It's just that… uhm… we studied at the same school. But for a short time actually. I don't even remember it well actually, ha, ha.” 

Your laugh came out too constrained under your friend's narrow-eyed stare. You knew you'd have a hard time convincing her because you were a lousy liar. 

“You know, it always struck me as odd that you weren't a fan. Taehyung and Jimin are like the two extremes of your ideal type.” 

“Whaaaat?”

“And Jungkook's music is literally the kind of music you listen to, you just don't listen to his. All the other artists in the same genre you do listen to.”

“That has nothing to do with…” 

“And even your parents don't claim to know Kim Seokjin when your mother was literally a nurse. She probably worked with him.” 

“What does that have to do…?”  

“And your brother is a hip-hop fan. How come he doesn't listen to Agust D? He's the best rapper of the last few decades and he's been trending for a long time.” 

“…” 

At what fucking moment? 

“And all of them, plus Hobi and Namjoon, they all went to the same school. They're all friends. And you say you went to school with Taehyung?” 

“Ahm… well, yes, but it's not like I would have met the others.” 

Yuna looked at you, really looked you straight in the eyes as if that way she could tell what it was you were hiding or as if that solved all her guesses. It was impossible for her not to figure it out if she had already tied up all the damn loose ends. 

Since the boys had left one by one, clearly your family was the first to realize how much their departures had affected you. In the beginning there was communication and all, but when Jungkook was the last to leave you lost any kind of link with them completely. You never knew exactly what happened because no matter how hard you tried to contact them you couldn't, not even your parents could talk to the boys' parents. Perhaps they had simply grown up, matured, completely forgetting about their ordinary life in that town. 

They seemed to have disappeared from the planet. 

Until your family moved to the capital. Jungkook was just starting out as an idol, but he had an amazing debut. He had captivated the entire audience and was too successful almost from the second one. It was a torment to watch them grow professionally little by little because, although you were happy for their achievements and all, you couldn't forget that they had basically abandoned you. And your parents and Seojun had noticed. They had noticed how much seeing them all over the place was bumming you out, so unreachable when at one point they were all in your living room eating your mother's delicious kimchi and listening to your father's anecdotes. Everyone was affected by their departures, but clearly no one as much as you. 

That's why, of course, your parents and brother had made a silent vow to keep all media about the boys away from you, because they didn't even talk about it by accident in the house, at least not when you were present. 

“It must be a huge coincidence…” Yuna continued and only at that moment did you realize how much you got into your head. Your vision slightly blurred. “I shouldn't accuse you of anything for things like that, should I? What nonsense.” 

You were probably as white as a sheet of paper. 

“Yeah, it would be too weird… ha, ha.” 

God, you had to stop letting out those giggles when you were nervous. 

“Anyway, should we order fried chicken for dinner?” 

“I think I heard mom say she was going to make japchae.” 

“Ohhhhhh, Mrs. l/n's japchae is delicious!” 

You let out a laugh watching your friend spring up from the bed and head for the door. She stopped halfway out and pointed her index finger at you. 

“Don't tell my mom I said that.” 

You made a gesture to zipper your mouth shut and Yuna finally left. 

The previous conversation had been so tense that you already felt tired and ready to sleep at seven o'clock at night. Really the whole day had been so heavy for everyone that you didn't know how the lights in the house were still on. For now, you couldn't do anything else, even if orders continued to come in, now everything depended on the printer and how fast the books would come out, so you would have to wait. 

Maybe you should rest. You had asked your boss for the day off, but tomorrow you would have to continue working hard. Regardless of the incredible growth you'd had, you couldn't let your work go to waste. 

Tomorrow would be a new day. A quieter one, preferably. 

-

a/n: i'll try to have ready part 3 for next week! see you on june 13 at 11:59 pm - GMT5 time!

tag: @rinkud @futuristicenemychaos @pastelpeachess @parapiop7 @kokoandkookie @midiplier @thunderg @lizzymizzy-blogg @ladymorrie @butnotmontana @lovelgirl22 @jjeonjjk7 @aurorathi @ot7stansthings @kunacat @borahaetelevision @mylovingstars @ghostlyworld @talyaaas-blog @slowlyshycomputer @jjk174 @maynina @saintomie @damn-u-min-yoongi @juju-227592

[bangtaninborderland]

JHS - Twisted Feelings (15)

Summary: After working at an award show for 2 years everything had become normal, idols were no longer exciting to see, performances became dull and every day blended together, that was until an unexpected man asked for your help.

Warning: themes of stalking.

A/N: it was my grandmas funeral today, I felt bad not posting. I’ll trying to get my shit together lol.

Ch.14 | MasterList | Ch.16

It had taken you twice as long to pack everything thanks to the continuous throbbing on your side and because you’d refused help. Hoseok had cancelled your Saturday session with Jungkook asking to do your Sunday session over video call.

You were thankful for the time it gave you to prepare for the move, all you had to do was find a moving company and everything was set. In all honesty you were excited about the prospect of a new apartment, it was significantly nicer than the one you had now but you couldn’t help feeling sentimental.

This was the first thing you had for yourself after leaving home. The first place you convinced a landlord to let you rent as an immature adult, the first place you’d brought a doormat for, the first place you’d had a taste of independence at.

It would be a place you missed but not a place you wished to return to.

You limped your way up the stairs, the thought of taking the elevator alone making your stomach churn uncomfortably. The halls were bare which wasn't weird for 8am on a Monday, with everyone either busy with a schedule or at home not yet being required to work. You still had 30 minutes until you were due to have your class with Hoseok which was definitely a blessing as you continued to hop your way to your ‘office’ with as little issue as possible.

“Yn?”

You nearly made, so nearly made it to relaxing in your comfortable chair for a little while before teaching all day. “Yes?”

You turn to find Jimin watching you, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine jimin-ssi.” You smiled through your teeth.

“Ah” he shook his head. “Taehyung and I already agreed on us all being Informal with each other, we are all the same age.”

“I know, I still want to be professional when it calls for it though. I just don’t want anyone thinking badly of me.” You admit, working around celebrities had meant you had to carry yourself differently least everyone suspect you to be fame hungry or whatever other accusation they could come up with. “Is everything okay?”

“I just noticed you were limping.” He gestured to your leg and you did all you could to stand straight.

“It’s fine.” You brush him off. “Just too much walking.”

“Are you sure? I don’t think I remember you being checked out after the elevator accident.” He frowns as though recalling the incident.

The last thing you want is to spend any more unnecessary time doing unprofessional things in your very professional workplace. “I promise i'm okay. I was fine afterwards, I was packing all weekend and overdid it. If it gets any worse I’ll go to the doctor for a check up.”

He sighs, thankfully giving up on the matter. “Okay, Hyung should be here soon. If you need anything Jungkookie and I are going to be practising in studio B. Come and find us whenever.”

“Thank you, I will do. Have a good practice.” You wave him off as you enter your office, grunting as your body slumps rather ungracefully into the chair.

You quickly organised the papers you needed for the day, finding Hoseoks folder and setting it out on the desk ready for whenever he came.

You felt your bag vibrate against your leg, reaching down to grab your phone.

No caller ID

You tried to think about who would be calling you, it wasn’t as though an abundance of people had your number but then again with the move you’d had to contact a few moving companies and of course your new landlord.

You picked up. “Hello?”

“Blue shirt, black dress pants, you have a limp… I guess you did get hurt in the elevator after all.” The voice was distorted, it sounded like somethi he straight from a horror movie.

You hung up quickly, stuffing the phone in your bag as you checked out of the small window.

Someone was watching you, someone was watching you and knew exactly what you were wearing…did they cause the elevator accident too?

“Hey.” Hoseok knocked on the door, making you jump. “Woah I’m sorry.” He takes a step back, hands up as a surrender.

“No no.” You quickly apologise, grabbing his folder and the extra pens you’d brought. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You look scared, is everything okay?” He asks as he slides onto the chair opposite you.

“Yeah, I got lost in my own head, ignore me.” You laugh, pulling out the necessary worksheets. “I thought we could practice conversation today, it’s better if you learn the correct grammar for speaking rather than writing. Is that okay?”

“Whatever you think is best.” He agrees, taking a sip of his coffe before cleaning closer and giving you a full whiff of ‘expensive’.

You talked him through a few conversation starters, correcting him whenever he responded incorrectly before moving on to some vocabulary games, throwing in a few awful jokes along the way to make it a better experience for the rapper.

“You’re good at this.” He laughs out.

You can’t help but smile. “At what?”

“Making boring things fun. You don’t make me feel as though I can’t do it.” He explains sincerely.

“I’m happy to.” And you were, despite the fact it was your job it brought you joy. “Okay so just a few more vocabulary cards and then we will practice again and you can take a test.”

“I feel like im back in high school.” He sighs dramatically. “So much for graduating.”

“Actually, your cover of that graduation song was played at my school when we left.” You couldn’t help but recall the memory, a few of your classmates had gathered to do a little dance to it.

“Really?” He sat forward, eyes wide in surprise. “Did you listen?”

“I even danced to it.” You were fine embarrassing yourself if it made him laugh more.

“Wow.” He leans back. “I want to see.”

“Pass the test and I’ll ask my eomma to send me the video.” You shrug, sliding the paper over to him.

He looks at the paper. “What about the questions and vocabulary cards.”

“I’m making teaching fun.” You laugh, packing them away. “Good luck on your test.”

“I take it back, you are just like my high school English teacher.” He huffs playfully, picking up the pen.

He takes 25 minutes to completely finish, only asking for clarification on one question which was an improvement from your last few classes. You marked it quickly, his leg shaking in anticipation.

“So?” He asks the second you set the red pen down.

You fake a frown. “I guess I’ll text my eomma and ask.”

“Yes!” He shouts, slapping the table in excitement.

“You’ve done really well today, you should be proud of yourself. In between our classes you should listen to podcasts, YouTube videos, music, anything with English as much as possible. It may seem stupid if you can’t understand it all but I promise it is worth it.”

The timer goes off before you can give him any more ‘homework’.

“Thank you. Seriously, I had fun. I’ll try to do what you said.” He holds out his pinks. “Promise.”

“Very American.” You laugh, linking your pinky before pulling away. “Have you got a busy schedule today?”

“About 4 hours of dancing.” He groans. “And then just recording some more adlibs for the album.”

“I’m sure you’ll do amazing.” You give him a thumbs up as he opens the door.

“You’re welcome to come and watch if you have time, the staff are always there.” He offers.

“I’ll try and come by if I can, I was sent a few interviews to translate.” You explain, your love to watch them dance but you still didn’t feel as though it was your place. You didn’t want to seem overly comfortable when you’d only gotten the job because Hoseok had personally requested it. “You shouldn’t be late.”

“Of course not.” He checks his phone before frowning. “You’re right I should go, I’ll see you later if you’re still here when I get a break.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” You wait for the door to close before relaxing on your chair with a groan, your hands instantly wrapping around your hip as though to syphon the pain away.

It took you four hours and 45 minutes to completely every single interview that had been sent to you, in hindsight you probably should have procrastinated as much as you did but you couldn’t help it.

With work out of the way your mind drifted back to the earlier phone call, it was something you should report, you knew that.

You just didn’t want to worry anyone.

“Fuck.” You hiss, rummaging through your draw, finding the painkillers you’d put in there for emergencies and taking three.

Your phone buzzed, the screen flashing up with an email notification.

You click on it, guessing it was something work related only to notice the sender being unregistered and the text box empty.

Strange.

There’s an attachment at the end of the empty text box, your stomach twisted as you opened it. The screen now displays an image of you entering the building with the words “You’re easy to find.” edited across it.

“What the fuck.” You cuss to yourself. Taking a screenshot of both the image and the email before closing the app.

If this was happening because you were working with the members then why did it feel so personal?

“You’re still here?” You looked up to find Hoseok standing in the doorway, hair and face sweaty from dance practice. “I thought you would have come to see.”

“I really wanted to.” You explain. “I just had so much work to do.”

“I understand, it’s important and you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” He takes a few gulps of his water bottle. “Have you finished it all?”

“Yeah, finally.” You playfully swipe your forehead. “How was dance practice?”

He shrugs. “It was good.”

The conversation falls silent and for a few seconds you stare at each other before your phone buzzes with another notification.

Another email.

You can’t help but open it, despite how rude it may seem to be during a conversation your fingers itch to know what lies within the attachment.

It’s another image but this one had been taken days ago, one of you outside of the restaurant you had gone to with Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok.

“Hoseok?” You call out, turning your phone towards him.

He frowns as he takes the device, eyes going wide at the picture. “Is this the only one?”

“Of us? Yes.”

“And of you?” He asks, handing the phone back to you.

You contemplate lying but decide against it, you didn’t want to break the little trust you had. “I received another one earlier.”

He huffs shaking his head. “We need to take this to management, they may be able to have the email address tracked.”

“Okay let’s go.” You mumble, attempting to stand only for your leg to give out underneath you leaving you undignified as you fall to the floor.

“Shit.” Hoseok drops his water bottle as he reaches out to help you up. “Are you okay?”

“My hip.” You explain, using his body to support you. “It hurts.”

“Can I see?” He asks, resting your body against your desk.

You lift up your shirt, pushing the waistband of your pants down, a deep purple bruise scales your hip

“You have to get it checked, that looks awful.” He grabs your phone before wrapping an arm around your waist. “Lean on me, I’ll take you to the company doctor.”

You internally cringe at how another day has gone so wrong. “Okay, thank you.”

“What are friends for if not human crutches?” He laughs weakly carrying you both to the doctor.

Thankfully the room is close, the doctor rushing you in to sit on the hospital style bed. You explain what happened, answering all of his questions whilst he layers heat packs against your side.

“It’s not broken but you definitely have a hip pointer.” He explained, showing you similar images from a book. “It’s when you directly impact your hip causing bruising, pain, tenderness and it may impact your walking. You shouldn’t do much physical activity for at least a week.”

“It’s not bad.” You feel lighter knowing nothing had broken and all that could help was a little bit of rest. “Thank you for seeing me so fast.”

The doctor waves you off, giving you a prescription for some antibiotics as you left the office.

“Here let me help you back to your office.” Hoseok offers, wrapping his arm around you before you could contest against it. “I’m sorry we didn’t realise you were hurt.”

“It’s my own fault really, I pushed it too hard this weekend getting everything ready to move.” You hate the idea of him blaming himself for your own actions, you were a big girl and it was your responsibility.

He practically carried you back to your office despite your protests that it would do no good for him to be injured too only for him to shush you and insist on helping. Only when you were secured back in your seat did he drop onto the small couch in the corner. “I think you’ll have to attend a recording session tomorrow, there’s some producers coming from America and Nicole isn’t here.”

“I’ll check my schedule but I'm sure it will be on there if Nicole isn’t here.” You’d briefly met the other translator, she was kind but far too busy to make daily conversation with. You could see why they needed a secondary translator. “Don’t you have to record some things?”

“Ah.” He shakes his head. “We are going to wait until tomorrow so we can see what the producers say.”

“About the picture…” You start addressing the elephant in the room. “I think we should be careful about who we tell, I don’t understand how anyone would know where we were or what I was wearing unless they had been close to the building and possibly even had access. “I know inside leaks aren’t that uncommon.”

“It’s true but after years of experience it’s always best to tell management, if you can’t walk there I can call them and they will come here?” He offers.

Despite how cramped your tiny office would be you didn’t think you’d be able to manage another trip around the building so soon after having your hip poked and prodded at. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

He steps out of the room as he makes whatever phone call he needs to, returning a few seconds later. “They are coming down now.”

It’s relatively a quick affair, Sejin taking all the information from the email along with screenshots before explaining that he will take it to the HYBE security and protection team to have it investigated, finally explaining. “If you’re worried you should stay with someone else, a friend or family maybe. We ask that you don’t contact the police yet, we want to compile a full report before involving them.”

“Thank you Sejin-Ssi.” You nod respectfully in his direction as he leaves.

“It wasn’t that bad.” Hoseok jokes trying to lighten the mood. “If you’re finished for the day I can drop you home? We have been told to rest until the producers come by tomorrow.”

You soften at the offer but still can’t find it in your to accept. “Oh no it’s absolutely fine, I can just take a taxi or the bus. I doubt it’s safe for you to come to my apartment with all these pictures being taken.”

“Please? I feel awful that you’re in pain. I know how to go undetected.” He presses.

You consider it before giving in, it was daylight and he knew what he was doing. “Okay, only if you’re sure.”

“I am. Here, let me take that.” He grabs your bag, swinging it over his shoulder before once again offering you his arm to lean on. “One time Jungkook hurt his foot before a concert and afterwards he felt awful so we took turns carrying him around.”

You both make your way into the elevator, your heart picking up as memories from the accident flash through your mind. “Did it help him feel better?”

“Nope. Jin Hyung dropped him.” Hoseok snorts at the horrified look on your face. “It was fine, everyone was fussing around him. We got him onto the couch and Jin Hyung ordered his favourite foods.”

“It worked out then?” You ask, grinning as the elevator grows closer to the ground floor.

“Sort of?” He questions. “When Jin Hyung went to get some extra napkins Jungkook poured hot sauce over his food.”

“So it was payback?” You ask through a laugh.

He shakes his head as he grins. “Not at all, Jin Hyung had been plating up Namjoons food.”

The realisation dawns on you. “So let me get this right, Seokjin-ssi dropped Jungkook-ah and then as an apology brought him his favourite food. Jungkook sabotages Seokjin-ssi’ food but it was actually Namjoon-ssi’ food?”

He hums as he helps you out to the artist only car park. “Yep, but Taehyung-ah stole a bite and he is terrible with spicy food. He ended up knocking over a pitcher of water all over the dish Jungkook had wanted.”

You take a moment to laugh at that, the thought of a joke turning into absolute chaos around the dinner table. “So then what happened?”

“We all gave up, half of the meal was drenched in cold water, the other half was cold.” He chuckles as he unlocks his car and helps you in.

You wait until he starts the car to ask any more. “What did you eat?”

“Yoongi Hyung had ordered pizza as he didn’t want fried chicken so we stole it.” He laughs, carefully checking the street as he turns the car. “But Hyung is good, he ordered two pizzas.”

“You’ve known each other for a long time, I'm sure he probably can tell when it’s necessary.” Na-Rae has always been the same, knowing what you need before you do.

He shrugs. “I think we are all just synched. It’s a little scary how similar yet different we are.”

“Well clearly it works.” You point to the little picture resting in the back of his phone case, one of all seven of them at an award show.

He looks at you with a smile. “I guess it does. Put your address into my phone, I don’t know where im going.”

You punch in the address, the map on his phone displaying a 20 minute car journey.

The drive passes by as it had started, filled with never ending conversation and laughter. When you finally pulled up to your apartment you frowned to yourself, you didn’t want to journey nor the conversation to end. “Thank you for dropping me home.”

“Let me help you up.” He doesn’t give you a chance to argue before he is already opening your door, throwing your bag over his shower before helping you stand. “Does your building have an elevator?”

“Yeah, it's not fancy or anything though.” You explain.

You weren’t often a person who felt insecure but Hoseok was someone who had everything, whatever he owned, wore, ate, did was far more luxurious than anything you’d ever experienced. “Fancy is overrated.”

You push the broken elevator button, the machine loud as it carries you up to your floor. As soon as you step off the elevator you’re reaching for your keys, only to stop as you see your door open.

“Oh my god.” You rush over, forgetting the pain in your hip as you push it open.

You’re thankful Hoseok is there as you feel your eyes water. The apartment is wrecked, pictures of your friends and family had been smashed on the floor, the walls covered in paint and other substances you weren’t willing to touch, pillows torn open, furniture thrown across the room. Anything and everything that could be reached had been damaged.

“Come back out here.” Hoseok directs, pulling you into his arms as he dials the police.

You let yourself cry as he spoke to the operator, your heard pained with the acceptance that everything you’d worked for had been destroyed.

[bangtanficsforyou]

They Reject You (hyung line)- part three

Pairing: BTS x Reader

Word Count: 8K

Warnings: swear words here and there, a little kissing scene.

Jin

"I told you, you should have done this sooner."

"Hey, if I had known this was gonna be this much fun, I would have."

"I did tell you, you just didn't believe me."

You huff. "Okay fine! You were right all along and I was wrong. Happy?"

Blair chugs down another shot and winces at the bitter taste. "I'll be happy when you listen to my advice."

"Asking for too much, now. Aren't you?" 

"Cool then, mop over a boy for over a month again. Why don't you?" She retorts with no real bite, rather genuinely enjoying the glimpse of the old you back. 

A wave of sadness hits you when you're reminded about the said boy and you sigh. "He isn't just a boy, he's also my best friend."

Blair immediately regrets her words when she notices the look on your face. "I understand that you would need time but if I hadn't dragged you out today, you would have not made any efforts to move on for at least another six months."

You feel an instant urge to deny it but end up not protesting because you know how true her words are.

Moving on would have been easier if you knew the answer to this one question; how does one move on from their best friend? 

How do you forget the moments that made you fall for him? Moments when he was the only one you could confide in. When you two would spend hours talking on the phone about random things. When the two of you would sit on the balcony and judge every passerby. The inside jokes, the tears, the hugs, the words of comfort. How do you forget those and tell yourself to not feel the way you do?

And even if you manage to do so, will the two of you really ever get back to being as close as you once were? Won't that result in you falling for him all over again?

You take hold of another glass of shot when you realise that you were overthinking again. Today your plan is to get enough alcohol in your system so that you do not overthink the little things.

"What is he doing here?" Blair whispers to herself.

"Who?" Your tipsy mind gets distracted by that and you start checking left and right to catch sight of the person she's talking about.

"Jin."

Your eyes widen in shock and you freeze in your seat. "Jin is here?"

Blair nods, feeling the same amount of disbelief as you. 

"Should I hide in the washroom?" You whisper shout. You don't even know why you feel the need to run when you and Jin have had a civil conversation just a few weeks ago. All you know is that you do not wish to face Jin. You are not ready to face the stir of emotions Jin would inevitably ignite.

"Fun fact, his eyes are fixed here," she quips with a mix of annoyance and amusement. "I'm also pretty sure, he's aware that we are talking about him."

You shut your eyes and groan audibly. "Fuck. Just what I needed."

"Fun fact part two, he's coming here."

As soon as she completes her sentence, you hear your name being called. 

"Y/N."

"Jin!" You put on a fake smile and try to seem as excited as you possibly can. You won't allow your spirits to dwindle so easily. "What are you doing here?"

Jin thinks for a brief moment if he should lie and say that it was a coincidence but then decides otherwise. "Well, Jimin texted me that you're here and I had something important to tell you, so,"

"Well, I don't feel stalked at all." You grin sarcastically.

Jin smiles. That's the first stage of you getting drunk; getting sassy. "Well, I'd be hurt if you were to call me a creepy stalker."

He says it with such a soft look of adoration that Blair has to clear her throat loudly to announce her presence.

"I'm Blair," she introduces herself.

Jin understands that Blair's words are directed at him and he politely puts his hand forward in greeting. "I'm Jin."

Blair nods and shakes his hand. From the look in his eyes, she already has an idea about why Jin might be here and if what she's assuming is right, she should really get out of here as quickly as she can. 

"Well, it's good that you are here, I have somewhere to go. Take care of her," as soon as the words are out of her mouth, Blair quickly leaves the spot knowing very well how you are going to react. 

You gasp dramatically, concerned about how quickly she changed her colours. What a traitor you have as a friend. 

Jin sits on the stool next to you before you can recover from your shock. "So what have you been drinking?" 

You look at Jin with your mouth parted open, still having a hard time understanding what just happened in the span of a few minutes. How you came to the club to temporarily forget about Jin and how now, you are sitting right next to him.

You blink a few times to let the shock subside and with Blair gone, you feel your adrenaline rush fade away.

"I don't know, Blair ordered it," you shrug.

He hums, fiddling with his fingers on the table. "Any special reason you are out here clubbing on a weekday?"

"Nah," you say just as casually as you had uttered the previous sentence. Maybe it's because of the alcohol but you don't find yourself feeling anxious in his presence. There's only a very little amount of unease but that's only because you don't want to get too into your emotions. 

Jin watches you closely. You don't look drunk, just tipsy. And thankfully, for him, you don't seem to be too bothered by the fact that he just invited himself. 

Someone might say that he's being overdramatic coming all the way to say something he could have said any other time. But when Jimin texted him that you're here, his thoughts started getting a little wild.

What if you were in a club trying to get over him? What if some hot bartender catches your eye? What if your friends are telling you that you deserve better? (The last one, Jin agrees with) 

It's fair to say that those thoughts made him rush to this place so that he can finally say what he figured out in the last few days.

Jin inhales deeply and asks the million-dollar question. "Do you– do you still love me?"

You choke on your drink and a series of coughs that follows. Jin immediately asks for a glass of water and helps you calm down.

"What kind of a question is that?" You ask in a raspy voice when your coughing fit subsides.

"A very important one?" He asks you back, his brows now furrowing in nervousness.

You mimic his expression, only that your brows furrow in annoyance. "What kind of people do you hang around with to get the idea that people's feelings change in the span of a few weeks?"

Ah, yes. You're sassy right now.

Jin's features soften and he looks at you with a look of disbelief.

"So you still love me?" He asks in a whisper, too scared to say the words out loud.

"Unfortunately, yes." You nod.

Before you can take hold of another glass of shot, Jin's hand comes to rest on yours. You look at him in confusion, wondering what even is he up to.

"Well, I love you too," a wide smile breaks out on his face as if the thought of you is enough to make him happy.

This time, you choke on thin air. "Excuse me?!"

He takes your hand and brings it to his lips. "I'm sorry it took me so long, but now that I know, I just want to be with you forever."

Your eyes follow his movements and you find your breathing getting shallower and only one question coming to your mind; Is this really happening?

Jin notices the way you seem to have run out of words. It makes him want to smirk in satisfaction but at the same time wrap you in his arms. Had he known you would react this way, he would have done this way sooner. But he was busy being a fool back then. 

You were always by his side, through the worst and the best. You were his only constant in the world of variables. He always felt so at home with you, that the thought of changing the dynamics never occurred to him. You two were perfect being best friends and he thought that was how it was going to be forever. 

But then he's also a hopeless romantic at heart. He has always dreamt of his perfect partner and what life with them will look like. He has also had his fair share of crushes and relationships but never did the faceless person from his dreams appear to be one of them.

Now that he thinks of it, he knows why that was the case. 

"You don't have to say anything," Jin adds, not wanting you to stress about it. "I just needed you to know that I love you and I'm sorry for realising it so late."

Now as sassy as you are when you're tipsy, you're just as bold. Without thinking any further, you lean forward and kiss him. It's odd and something your sober self would never do, but right now you're definitely not sober. Plus, you can leave the overthinking for her when she wakes up tomorrow. At the moment, the only thing that matters to you is that the man you so irrevocably love, loves you back. 

Jin freezes and his eyes widen in shock when he feels your lips on his. 

He knows you are only doing this because you are drunk. He knows that had you been sober you would have asked a million questions by now. He also, knows that he shouldn't be kissing you back but when he hears a whine of complaint from you at his lack of enthusiasm, his resolve crumbles. 

He gently puts his palms on your cheeks and kisses you back passionately. The warm sensation of your lips on his makes his head spin and he wonders how on earth has he gone so long without doing this. 

However, he pulls back when he feels your tongue against his lips. "We should get you home."

You shake your head like a stubborn child. "No, I don't want to go."

Gosh, he wants to kiss that pout away. How did he not realise that it's been you all along? 

Blair watches from a distance as you throw your hands in the air like a small child and a smile makes its way onto her lips. Guess, she won't have to worry about you moping anymore. 

Yoongi

As soon as the doorbell rings, you freeze. That must be Yoongi.

You have been looking forward to this moment and at the same time have been dreading it. But it's one of those things that you know just needs to be done.

You haven't had a single moment of peace since yesterday. It's tiring honestly. You don't know how the conversation with Yoongi will go, but you at least hope that after this you won't feel this heavy weight on your shoulders and will be able to have a good night's sleep. 

With that hope, you open the door and you're greeted by Yoongi in a purple suit and the sight itself makes you swallow. You really wish you could marry him.

Shaking the thought away, you welcome him in and ask him to take a seat on the couch. 

"Would you like some tea or coffee?" You query

Yoongi shakes his head. "Nothing really. I had coffee before leaving."

Well then, guess you won't get the time to figure out how to start the conversation. 

You take a seat on the opposite couch and play with the rings that adorn your fingers. "I called you at my place because there's something important we need to talk about and I thought that a public place isn't suitable for the conversation."

Yoongi nods. He won't lie but he shares the same view. It's difficult for him as it is to talk about his emotions. He doesn't want to imagine having to explain why he came across as nonchalant to your confession and how he respects your honesty, more than he could show.

However, nothing could have prepared him for the next words that leave your mouth.

"I think we should not go forward with this marriage."

Your words cause Yoongi to choke. Out of all the things he wanted to discuss with you, he never saw this coming. "What?!"

Seeing Yoongi react like this catches you slightly off guard. Usually, he always has his emotions in check and is unreadable. It always makes you feel like he's out of reach. However, right now, you can read him like a book, which oddly enough gives you a sense of satisfaction.

"We should not get married." You repeat your words and wait for Yoongi's shocked features to subside. 

Yoongi looks at you and notices how determined you seem, as if you have thought about this long and hard and only then have you come to this decision. The thought that there's probably no changing your mind, scares him. 

Clearing his throat, he tries to sound as calm as he can. "Why though?"

Now it's your turn to be surprised. Isn't it obvious why the two of you shouldn't get married?

Chewing on your lower lip, you ponder how you should frame your words. After a brief pause, you start with a gentle tone that somehow comes out sad.

"When two people love each other, they get married. Not because they have to, but because they want to. It's like this celebration of their love, where they declare to the world that they are each other's for the rest of eternity. But you see, that's the most important factor–" you look up to lock eyes with Yoongi. "–love."

Love. 

It's a word Yoongi has hardly ever given thought to.

Yoongi knows what it feels like to be loved. His parents love him, his sister loves him, his friends love him, his dog loves him. He also knows what it is like to love someone because he loves these people just as much. But love in the way you describe it? Yoongi has never felt that.  

From a very young age, he has known that it will be his parents who will choose who he is to marry. Which is why he has never felt or given much thought to what it is like to want to spend his whole life with someone. 

But clearly, you have. 

It looks like you know exactly what you want and he won't lie, he envies that. He wonders what it's like for someone to know what they want so clearly that they won't settle for anything less. 

"We can always fall in love," he says with a small shrug as if it's not a big deal. The gesture makes his words look insincere and although it's true that he doesn't realise the intensity of his words, it's also true that he had shrugged simply to hide how uncomfortable he feels. He has never had to talk to someone about falling in love with them. 

You chuckle humorlessly. "I don't think you realise what falling in love really means." 

Yoongi wants to feel offended by your words but he can't. Because you're right. "Well, it's never too late to learn."

You can tell that Yoongi is being genuine. But you don't know how you should perceive his genuineness. Should you feel flattered that he's willing to give your marriage a try? Or should you feel sad that he has to try falling in love with someone? 

You don't know what the answer to that would be but the thought of him falling for you because he had no other choice, does not sit right with you. Even if you two were happy one day, maybe somewhere at the corner of your mind will be the thought that he fell for you only because you two were forced into this marriage. 

"I don't think it will work, Yoongi," you say with a sigh.

Yoongi's brow furrows in frustration. Why are you complicating things like this? "I don't understand what exactly is the problem?"

Here goes nothing.

"We have been on ten dates so far and on none of those occasions, did you ever seem interested in getting to know me on a deeper level. You are a closed book and I respect that it might not be easy for everyone to be open, but what counts is the effort. We have never had an open conversation or proper communication." Your voice comes out even, not a speck of anger or disappointment lacing your words. It sounds like you're only reading out observations from a science experiment. "Why do you think that is? If you were to ask me, and I might be wrong, but it's because you were never interested in the prospect of marrying."

"Had I not asked to break the marriage, things would have been pretty much the same and I would have never voiced these thoughts. You would have made no effort and I would have been trying way too hard to fulfil my wishes. Don't you see how wrong that could go?" 

Yoongi remains speechless with his mouth parted. 

"It's not only that, though," a small smile appears on your lips. "When you believe in love as much as I do, you'd know that love is inevitable. Everyone deserves it, including you. And I hope that when you do fall in love, you get to walk with them with your head held high without worrying about the wife you had to marry to boost your business."

With each word that comes out of your mouth, you feel a weight being lifted off of your chest one by one. Last night, you stayed up with countless thoughts running through your head. Countless reasons and scenarios why this marriage won't work and would be painful for both of you. Especially you.

Yoongi takes a deep inhale and lets the silence linger. 

What else is even there to say? You have given this a whole lot of thinking while he has hardly ever thought about it. Which only goes on to prove your point and how different both of your views on marriage are. 

Indeed, he has never shown much effort towards establishing a connection between the both of you. There's no denying that, but he wishes he could tell you that it's not because he wasn't interested in forming one but rather that he does not know how to. 

He knows there's no point in clarifying that now though, it will only sound like he's making excuses. Hence, he settles for responding to you with the only sentence that he thinks is relevant. 

"We can't break this alliance."

"I know," you nod. "It won't be easy but I'm sure we both will come up with a way to convince our parents."

Yoongi huffs, sensing that you are underestimating his words. "Do you know that the deal has been signed?" 

Your eyes widen in shock and disbelief. "What?! H–When?" 

Your reaction is enough for Yoongi to know that you indeed, had no idea about the papers being finalised and signed. Your previous words make much sense to Yoongi now and why you thought that the two of you even had any other option but to get married to each other. 

"About a week ago," he replies, expression now turning sombre. "I got to know about it only a couple of days ago."

A week ago? That would be around the time you and Yoongi went on your last date where you had confessed to him your feelings. Was it around the same time that both of your doors to escape were closed? 

Panic shoots through your veins when the thought that there might be no way out, comes to your mind. No, no, no. There has to be some way. 

But is there really?

Yoongi's company is way bigger than your father's. If the two of you back down now, the deal will be cancelled but it will be your father's company that will suffer the most whereas Yoongi's will recover in a few days. It was one thing if the deal was not signed. No gains, no losses. But now, it would be no gain, only losses. 

How can you do that to your parents knowing how much stress it will cause them?

You can't.

"I don't have any other choice, do I?" Your voice comes out small, highly in contrast with how confidently you were speaking a few minutes ago. 

"I don't think we do," Yoongi sighs, a deep sadness looming over his chest at how dejected you look. "But if it makes you feel any better, we can make a deal."

An abrupt chuckle escapes your lips. "Another deal? Haven't we already had enough?"

"This deal gives you the choice to be free," he comments, noticing how a small hopeful glint appears in your eyes.

"How?" 

"Let's stay married for a year, if you still want an out after that, we will get divorced." 

Yoongi's words give you a pause. 

You can't say that the deal is ideal but it is better than nothing. It gives you the hope that the two of you won't be stuck in a loveless marriage. It also does not create the pressure of being happy with each other because that's the only option.

After thinking for a few moments, you realise that this indeed is what it has all come down to and you'll have to accept it whether you like it or not.

"What about the business deal?" You query, your brain jumping to the concerns of the after-effects of having a divorce.

"By that time, the majority of shares will be transferred to me, I'll take care of it so that there is minimal loss."

You nod and sit back, feeling exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster this conversation has been. You just wish things were simple. That you both could get married to people you were in love with. Or that you both were in love with each other. 

The thought makes you look at Yoongi. You can still feel the butterflies in your stomach but there's also this dread that tags along.  

Last night, you had considered every possible scenario, and each one of them convinced you why this marriage is not a good idea. But out of all those, there was one which stood out, one that scared you the most and was the most heartbreaking. 

The possibility of you falling in love with Yoongi but his response being the same as it was on your last date. You know that the pain you went through this time, would be nothing compared to the pain you would experience then.

You don't want that.

The thought scares you so much, that you make a promise to yourself to not let your guard down so that the situation never occurs. 

Hoseok 

"You went a little too hard on us today," you say, breathless as you take a bottle of water and uncap it. 

Hoseok chuckles. "You say that after every class."

"Do I?" You ask with a small smile, knowing very well that you indeed do. But can you be blamed when Hoseok loses track of time when it comes to dancing and the only thing he focuses on is perfection?

He raises a brow as if asking you to stop pretending and you raise your arms in the air in mock surrender. 

He chuckles and shakes his head in amusement. "That's what I thought."

"Oh by the way," you say all excited. "I binge-watched little women during the weekend."

Hoseok's grin widens at the thought that you took the time to watch his recommended show. "Did you enjoy it?" 

A thoughtful look appears on your face. "I think it would have been better if the girls had more wins throughout but then I guess it wouldn't have been realistic."

Hoseok hums, understanding where you're coming from. That's an emotion he shares as well. While watching the show, he too wished that the girls didn't have to go through so many ups and downs.

"But you know what I liked?" You say with sparkling eyes. 

"What?" Hoseok asks, the gleam in your eyes doing something to his heart. 

"Choi Do-il's character!" You say with a small smirk on your lips.

Hoseok finds your behaviour amusing. "Liked him huh?"

"How can I not? He's so cool! He was so loyal to In-joo and he has such a sharp mind, made such tough decisions on the spot." You blabber. "I wish there was someone like him in real life, I'd fall for him in the blink of an eye."

"I wonder what Henry would have to say about that," he replies in a teasing tone, trying to pull your leg. But his smile fades when he sees that your excited expression has now turned sombre. 

You shake your head with a soft smile. "Well, we have broken up, so I don't think he would have anything in particular to say."

Hoseok hates that his first reaction is that of joy, which is soon followed by a feeling of guilt. He had convinced himself that he wasn't waiting for this particular day but now, his reaction clearly proves otherwise. 

For the time being, he puts his emotions aside and puts your feelings first.

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

You sigh. "There isn't anything to talk about. The relationship had run its course."

And that's the truth.

Things were pretty smooth at first, but when the honeymoon phase faded, somewhere down the line, both of you realised that you two weren't right for each other. 

The breakup wasn't painful for either of you and maybe that's what acceptance is supposed to be like. It was coming to this understanding that the both of you make great friends but there isn't much hope when it comes to something more than that. 

Hoseok chews on his lower lip and wonders what's the right thing to say. 

It has been six months since that day in the club and five months and three weeks since he realised that his feelings for you run deeper than he had initially thought. 

The first three weeks that followed after his realisation was not easy for him at all. He tried his best to be in denial but with time, he couldn't deny it anymore and he felt anger. Anger towards himself for having the audacity to accept that he has any form of romantic feelings for you after you had been so brave about yours and had put your heart on a plate only for him to be a complete dumb wit. Which was soon followed by the feeling of loss. He lost the opportunity when he had it and won't probably ever get it again. 

But after that, it started getting better. 

He accepted the fact that you have moved on with someone else and are happy with them. But that doesn't mean he did not get jealous every once in a while when he stumbled upon a picture of you and Henry on Instagram. That little spark of jealousy would serve as the reminder that somewhere deep down, he still wishes for you to be his. 

There have been times when he had thought about what he would do if someday, years later you and Henry were to break up. But never did he prepare himself for it. Plus, now, he finds it ridiculous that he had always thought that this would be an opportunity for him to correct his mistake when you could have very well removed any feelings for him from the very root. 

Before he can figure it out though, you sense the awkward silence and make an effort to break it. "I'm over it though, it does not bother me."

Hoseok nods softly, his thoughts still muddled. "How long has it been?"

"About a month."

Hoseok observes you closely from his peripheral. He notices how relaxed your features are and concludes that the topic of your breakup isn't necessarily a painful one for you. You also seem, pretty okay with the idea of the two of you having broken up, which makes him hope that you have moved on from Henry. And if in case you haven't, he will wait as long as it takes for you to let someone new in and he will do everything he possibly can to be that someone.

"This might be inappropriate but are you planning to return to the dating world?" Hoseok tries to look as casual as he can by pretending to arrange the CDs on the shelf.

It takes a few moments for you to think about the question before you can come up with an answer.

Are you looking for someone you can date? Not really. 

When you had downloaded Tinder all those months ago, it was simply so that you can find a distraction from Hoseok and move on. Fortunately, you found that and more in Henry. But now, that chapter is over and you don't find yourself actively looking for someone to be with.

"Not at the moment, no," you reply honestly. "Maybe a few months later, I'll reinstall Tinder," you laugh at the thought.

Hoseok hums, with his back facing you. "When you decide to reinstall the app, do tell me."

You don't think much of his words and innocently ask, "Why?" 

The whole of Hoseok's body heats up in anxiety and he starts putting the CDs on the shelf at a much high speed. "Because then I'll install tinder too and will search you up."

Your frown morphs into an expression of surprise and your lips part to form a small 'o'. 

Is…..is Hoseok saying what you think he's saying? Is it his way of saying that he would like to take you out on a date? And say, if the answer to these questions is, yes, what will you do?

In the six months that you have been with Henry, you haven't thought of Hoseok in that way. The intensity of your feelings lessened and you could let yourself be friends with him without letting your feelings get in the way. 

But are your feelings for him gone? 

You don't know.

Hoseok is a great friend of yours. He is nice, charming, kind, helpful and talented. Not to mention that he is utterly gorgeous. Anyone would be lucky to have him as their partner. But do you still want him as one?

You look at Hoseok and realise that the thought of being with him doesn't feel weird. If anything, it causes a little bit of excitement to stir up in your stomach.

It's true that your crush on him is not as deep as it once was and you're not looking for a relationship at the moment, but for some reason, you feel like when you're ready, you may just fall for him harder than you have ever before. 

Clearing your throat, you come up with a response that you think is just right. "In that case, I'll have to make sure that I don't forget to tell you about it." 

Hoseok turns around immediately to look at you with a surprised look as if that was the last thing he had expected you to say. But when that surprised look turns into that of relief, your previous questions about Hoseok's intent are answered. 

A smile appears on his lips when his surprise fades and he makes a promise to himself to not waste the chance you have been kind enough to give him again. "I'll eagerly wait for that day"

Something in your heart blooms at the soft look he gives you and you nod. 

After that, both of your chit-chat resumes and you two giggle and laugh like never before while you pack your stuff. Once you're done, you get ready to leave. "I'll get going then?"

With a gleeful smile, Hoseok responds, "see you next Saturday."

As you're walking out of the door, a thought appears to you. "Oh, also, you can't search for people on Tinder."

And then you're gone. 

Hoseok watches your retreating figure and he has to try really hard to stop smiling like a fool. 

Maybe there will be no need for Tinder after all. 

Namjoon

"I love Y/N," as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he winces, anticipating and dreading Yoongi's reaction. 

Yoongi, on the other hand, merely blinks at Namjoon's words. ".....and?"

Out of all the reactions, Namjoon thought Yoongi would give, this was not one of them. This makes things way scarier for him because he thinks this is Yoongi's version of 'calm before the storm'. 

"Listen, you can be mad at me all you want. I understand but I just wanted to let you know." Namjoon rambles, his voice coming out high-pitched. 

A small frown appears on Yoongi's face. This is it, Namjoon thinks.

"Why do you assume that I'm mad?" Yoongi's question, however, leaves Namjoon perplexed. He searches for any form of pretence on Yoongi's features but when he doesn't find any, he sighs.

"I don't know–" Yoongi's frown deepening is enough for Namjoon to backtrack and start speaking the truth. "–you told me that if I were to ever try to show interest in your sister, our friendship would be over."

"I mean, I don't recall saying that but it does sound like something I'd say," Yoongi nods. 

Now it's Namjoon's turn to frown. Is Yoongi mad or not? "What am I supposed to make of it?" 

"Nothing," Yoongi shrugs. "I should rather ask you, what was your purpose in telling me that you have feelings for Y/N? Was it because you felt like you had to ask for my permission? Or were you scared that it would affect our friendship?" A chuckle escapes Yoongi's lips. 

Namjoom sighs, feeling his muscles relax as he finally lets himself realise that Yoongi isn't mad. "I think it's more of the latter."

"So you won't ask for my permission, before pursuing her?" A scowl appears on Yoongi's face which immediately makes Namjoon stutter.

"I–I–I didn't mean that. Of course, I would ask for your permission." 

Yoongi tries his hardest to hold back the satisfied smirk that tries to make an appearance. It's nice to see Namjoon being scared of him every once in a while. 

"That's better," Yoongi hums. "And you don't have to worry about ruining our friendship and all that shit. That's very high school."

Namjoon feels like he can breathe again. After weeks, it feels like he can finally be honest with himself and most importantly with you, without being scared. A wide dimpled smile appears on his face at the thought of finally confessing to you. 

"Gosh, that's annoying," Yoongi huffs, with no real annoyance in his tone. If anything, he's glad to see the wide grin on his friend's face. "If she does reciprocate your feelings and the two of you become a couple, I do hope that the two of you don't turn out to be one of those intolerable ones."

You find almost everything intolerable. That's the thought that comes to Namjoon's mind but before he can speak those words, a much scary thought appears to him which takes his breath away. 

"What if Y/N does not accept my feelings?" His voice comes out in a whisper, too scared to speak those words loudly. 

Yoongi thinks the chances of that happening are very low. But he chooses not to say it. It's your feelings, you're the only one who knows where they lie. Yoongi does not wish to assume. Instead, he chooses to assure his friend that even if he were to get turned down, he will be there for him. 

"I will order a bottle of champagne and soju, each. If things work out, then we will celebrate with champagne. If they don't, then we can have soju." 

Namjoon is grateful for Yoongi's words, he really is but the fear that courses through his veins makes it impossible for him to think straight. "You don't get it. She confessed to me and I turned her down."

This time, a genuine scowl appears on Yoongi's face. "Why would you do that?"

Namjoon lets out a heavy breath. "I thought you'd be mad and our friendship would get ruined."

Yoongi tries his hardest not to let his eyes roll but ultimately fails. "Now I remember why I had told you not to pursue my sister."

Namjoon's heart drops at the comment. Is Yoongi about to change his mind? 

"One because it was high school and you were going through your fuckboy stage," Yoongi says, with squinted eyes that make it obvious that he's judging Namjoon. "Second, you were dense as fuck at times. Which, clearly, hasn't changed even now."

That had been two days ago. 

After the very scary chat session with Yoongi, Namjooon needed some time to recover. Two days to be exact. Now he has finally managed to grab the courage to talk to you and be honest. 

His hands hover in the air for a few moments before he knocks. He hopes and wants this to go well, otherwise, he thinks, he won't be able to forgive himself.

You frown when you hear the knock. Who has decided to bother you on a fine Sunday? 

You set aside the book you were reading and begrudgingly get up. With heavy steps, you head towards the door and swing it open. The regret that hits you is instantaneous. You should have checked through the peephole before opening. 

Namjoon notices your features drop and it makes him feel terribly guilty for his actions and words. With that guilt, also comes the strong need to make things right. 

"Do you need something?" You keep your tone cold to avoid any display of emotion. It's not that you are mad at him for the rejection. You're hurt about it, sure. Mad? No.

However, you feel incredibly embarrassed about confessing the way you did. You are aware that you were under the influence of alcohol but that doesn't make it any less humiliating. 

"I need to talk to you," Namjoon replies shakily as he finds his anxiety increasing. What if you have decided to move on or have come to the conclusion that he isn't worth it? 

You'd really like to make an excuse as to why you wouldn't be able to talk right now but something in you makes you decide otherwise. Maybe it's because you don't want things to be awkward between the two of you as it would put Yoongi in a tough spot. Or maybe it's because you hate seeing Namjoon so anxious, that you find yourself moving out of his way.

"Can I take a seat?" He asks awkwardly, with his index finger pointing at the couch, when he realises that you are simply waiting for him to start talking about whatever it is that he is here for. 

You are aware that you are being rude but you honestly don't know how to behave 'normally' around him, anymore. So, you simply hum and wait for him to take a seat. 

"Uhm," he clears his throat, "I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the party."

"We can talk about anything but that," you say pointedly. There's no way you are going to talk about that night when all you want is to leave that memory somewhere far behind. 

Namjoon notices the discomfort that etches your features despite your attempts at hiding it and sighs. "Okay, then I won't bring that up but I need to tell you something."

"Go on."

Namjoon takes in a deep breath before closing his eyes to grab the courage to let the words spill out. "I'm in love with you."

At first, the words don't sink in. 

You stand there, leaning against the wall, watching Namjoon. However, when you see the scared and anxious look on his face, you replay his words in your mind. 

I'm in love with you.

He's in love with you. 

The thought makes you angry.

You scoff. "Do you expect me to take you seriously?"

Namjoon shakes his head. "I don't expect you to but just hear me out."

"I don't want to." You declare stubbornly.

"I know but give me just one chance to explain myself." He pleads gently, not wanting you to feel as if you have to hear him out. He has already caused you enough pain and if you choose that you do not wish to hear him out, he is going to respect that. 

You want to laugh at Namjoon's request. You can accept the fact that he does not have feelings for you, no matter how hard that might be. But accepting that he is in love with you after the pain that you have been through? You can't accept that.

You'd very much like to close this topic and never have either of you mention it. But you can't say no to Namjoon when he looks like that. He is one of your biggest weaknesses and not hearing him out would cause you pain as well.

Instead of telling him verbally that you will hear him out, you look out of the window and stare outside blankly, which is enough for Namjoon to know that you're listening.

"I never thought that my feelings would be reciprocated. Which is why, I did not know what to say and said what I thought was right, at the time," his voice comes out vulnerable. 

You feel your annoyance flaring. If that really were the case he could have just said the truth. Why lie? Whose first instinct is to lie about their feelings, upon realising that they are not one sided?

Namjoon's next words answer your unasked question. "After my last two relationships ended the way, they did, I thought that all my relationships were destined to be doomed. I was scared to commit to anyone, especially you."

He sighs. "If we were to date and break up, it would change everything not only for the both of us but also for Yoongi. And if that were to happen I'd never be able to forgive myself."

It was around the time that Namjoon mentioned his last two relationships, that you stopped pretending to not care about what he had to say. You know how sensitive the topic is for him and for him to bring it up now, it must be serious. 

To put it simply, his last two relationships ended terribly. But each time, Namjoon blamed himself and thought that it was entirely his fault, which you know isn't the case.

Now that Namjoon breaks it down to you, you find your anger fading and find yourself sympathising with him. You may not agree with his actions but you can understand where he was coming from.

What you don't understand, however, is why he is telling you these things. If you're understanding him right, he said what he said at the party because he was scared. But now, he is here, telling you that he loves you. But why?

"Why are you telling me this?" You ask and you are surprised by the lack of coldness in your voice. Maybe it's because he's being vulnerable with you that gives you the courage to put your embarrassment aside for the time being.

Namjoon smiles softly. "I had a chat with Yoongi and it made me realise that I am the only one who thinks this way."

He was indeed scared shitless of his feelings affecting the friendship between him and Yoongi. He had taken Yoongi's cautionary way too seriously and while he was under that impression, what scared him even more was that he would take the risk of being with you only to later wish that he had stayed in his lane. He thought that maybe Yoongi too shares the same viewpoint as he does and hence had asked him to stay from you.

When he had gathered the courage to talk about it to Yoongi, it was with the intention of getting Yoongi's approval. Namjoon already knew that he wasn't going to listen to the voice in his head and that you were worth the risk. 

However, when Namjoon went back to his dorms and thought about the conversation he had with Yoongi, it made him realise that he was the only one who was holding these beliefs. Not only that, but Yoongi's reaction made him believe in himself, because even if Yoongi won't ever say it out loud, his calm and nonchalant behaviour was him letting Namjoon know that he trusts him.

"Plus," Namjoon continues, "I know I would regret it forever if I were to let you go simply because I was scared." 

You swallow at his words as any remaining trace of anger is washed away from your body. 

You know it can't be easy to do something when your insecurities are constantly telling you to do otherwise. But him doing just that, serves as a testimony of his love for you. Hence, even though at the beginning you weren't willing to accept his declaration of love, now you find your heart melting.

"So," you fiddle with your fingers. "What does all this mean?"

"Well if you have forgiven me for my stupidity, I'd like to take you out on a date." Namjoon hopes it isn't too soon to ask you out. But more than anything else, he wishes for your forgiveness. 

His words make your chest hurt and you immediately rush to make things clear. "There's nothing to be forgiven, I never held a grudge against you."

"But you wouldn't even look at me?" He asks, with a pained look.

Your heart sinks further. You had thought that it was only painful for you clearly that wasn't the case. "That's because I was embarrassed. It's just incredibly stupid to get drunk because you saw the man you love kissing someone else and then going and confessing like that."

Aaaahhhh.

Right, that whole him making out with someone, thing. He now remembers you mentioning it at the party. 

"Sorry to break it to you, but I did not kiss anyone," a small amused smile plays on his lips. "I was only helping the girl to get rid of something that had gotten into her eyes."

Your eyes widen when you hear that. Gosh, could you be any more stupid? You close your eyes tightly and groan in annoyance. 

Namjoon gets up from the couch and slowly walks towards you. He understands why it might have looked like he was making out with someone, after all, parties have the worst lighting. But he doesn't want you to feel embarrassed about it. After all, if it hadn't been for that misunderstanding, you would have never confessed and neither would he. 

After a small moment of hesitation, he puts his palm on your cheek and urges you to open your eyes.

"Hey," he whispers. "I'm really glad you misunderstood things that day. But I can assure you, that yours are the only lips I would ever want to kiss."

His words make you gulp. Here you were drowning in embarrassment a few moments ago and here you are now, breathless from the close proximity.

"Prove it," you whisper back. 

Namjoon's eyes fall on your lips. As much as he would like to feel how soft your lips are, he wants to do things right. 

With great willpower, he brings his eyes back to yours and kisses you on the forehead. "Trust me, there's nothing more I want than kissing you right now. But I want to take you out on a date first."

You chuckle at his words. "Well then, take me out on a date and at the end of it, kiss me like you mean it."

Namjoon's heart does a little dance at your words and he already feels his mind coming up with ideas of how he can make the date one that you never forget. "I'll make the date as perfect as you are."

Maybe you two will indeed be like one of those couples, Yoongi finds intolerable.

A/N: I definitely plan to write a Ceo Yoongi series with these two, hence that's how I decided to write them for this part!

For early access to maknae line and for choosing what characters you want the maknae line to play, head over to my patreon! Hope you enjoyed reading this part!

[taevbears]

Pandora's Box

Keep a fire burning, however small; however hidden

⤑ pairing: Hoseok x reader ⤑ genre: angst, one-shot ⤑ rating: 18+ ⤑ word count: 3.1k ⤑ warnings: ANGST, mention of alcohol and drug use, depression, self-sabotage and unhealthy coping, non-explicit sex, unhappy ending. ⤑ note: Happy Hobi Day! I've been wanting to write a JITB-inspired fic for Hobi since forever (it's probably my favorite solo concept), and this idea has been sitting in my drafts since forever lol. I initially wanted it to be a scary one-shot, but it ended up being a very sad one-shot instead lol. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway!

You notice it as soon as you walk in. 

Sitting on the coffee table is a box. Simple in design. Colored white.

You know that opening it, however, will unleash a whole myriad of demons you’re not ready to face.

The first is the one called Lust.

The fateful night you met Jung Hoseok is a blur. Music at the party you wound up in is so loud, you could feel the vibrations of the deep base through the walls. A hip-hop song is playing, but you could barely make out the lyrics over the thrumming booms of the stereo.

A haze of grey smoke fills the room, distinct with the acrid scent of cigarettes and weed. In the fog, you’ve found your friend sitting on the couch, curled up against the guy she’s been dating on and off. At the moment, the two of them are very much on again, making out with little regard to everyone and everything else around them.

In the meantime, you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve refilled the red, plastic cup in your hands, downing hard liquor and letting the alcohol burn your throat, but you go into the kitchen to get more.

That’s when you notice he’s been looking at you. When you catch his gaze, he offers a friendly smile. And when you return it, he approaches you.

“I’m Hoseok,” he introduces himself, raising his voice so you could hear him over the music and the chatter. He stands close enough that you could smell his cologne. A mix of woody tones with notes of spice and citrus. “What’s your name?”

He’s cute, you think, as you tell him your name. And funny, you add to yourself, as he later says something to make you laugh.

You like him, you realize as your hand finds his and you start to lead him upstairs to look for an empty room.

You don’t remember much about the night you met Hoseok. Can’t recall a word you said to each other, or what he did to make you fall for him so fast.

But even in your drunken haze, you remember the heat of his kiss, the way his fingers teasingly slipped beneath your clothes as you eagerly unbutton his pants, and the subtle bite of his lip when you push him to the bed and strip off the rest of your clothes.

“I like you, Hoseok,” you confess, cheeks flushed. Probably from the alcohol.

Hoseok chuckles.

He grabs your elbow and pulls you closer until you’re hovering over him. He kisses you one more time, so sweetly you think you could melt. Then, he suddenly flips you over with your back to the bed. A glint of mischief is in his eyes as he leans down over you.

“I think I like you too.”

The second is Greed.

After that night, you and Hoseok met up several times.

The first couple of times were almost repeats of the first night. You find each other at a party, seeming to share some of the same circles of friends and acquaintances. You could barely see straight when you hear Hoseok calling you, and you burst out in laughter because you’re genuinely surprised he remembers your name.

“Of course I remember you,” he assures you, flashing a bright, flirty smile. It almost falters with nerves when he asks, “Do you remember me?”

“How could I forget?” you tease back, taking his hand in yours again.

It feels better the second time. And by the third, when you’re just waking up from a throbbing headache, you’re surprised to see he’s still in the room with you, long after the party is over.

“I can give you a ride home if you want,” he offers. You have too much of a migraine to decline.

By the time he pulls up at your place, he gives you his number. Just in case you need to call him for another ride or anything else.

“Thanks, Hoseok.”

“No problem,” he replies, and there’s a look in his eyes that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s kind. It’s hopeful. It’s something you’re not quite expecting from him. “Be sure to call me, okay?”

“Sure, Hoseok. Thanks again.”

He leaves it at that.

Even though you said you would, you don’t call him. Not until your friend dramatically breaks up with her boyfriend again and ditches you at a party out of town. Everyone else in your contacts is busy that night with work and other obligations. When you see his number, you hesitate for a brief moment before you tap to call.

“Hello?”

You instantly regret it. He sounds like he’s asleep.

“Actually, never mind. I can just call someone else,” you backtrack out loud, thinking, perhaps, a taxi or something would be a better idea. “Sorry for bothering you.”

“No, it’s fine,” he assures you, seeming to realize who is calling him in the middle of the night. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

Hoseok drives all the way to get you. Even with the empty roads, it’s at least an hour drive one-way. It’s a sobering moment when he finally pulls up and greets you with a warm smile.

“Are you hungry? I can buy you food and pay for gas,” you offer once you’re in the car. You feel like you owe him that much.

“How about a date instead?” Hoseok counters, and again, he has that hopeful look in his eyes. “I’m not doing anything tomorrow night.”

If there was a perfect moment to tell him you aren’t interested in a relationship right now – that all the partying and drinking is to numb your mind from your own problems and stresses – this would be it. Clearly, he wouldn’t go out of his way and come this far if he isn’t interested in you.

And Hoseok seems like a good guy. You shouldn’t be stringing him along like this.

But you’re selfish. And that selfish part of you smiles and says, “Sounds good. What should I wear tomorrow?”

Next is Envy.

Jung Hoseok, as you’ve learned, has it all. A loving family with a pet dog. A close group of friends who are like a second family to him. A great sense of fashion, and talent in dancing that could make him a worldwide star. He’s passionate about the things he wants, driven for the things he wants to achieve, and humbled despite his ambitious achievements.

It becomes apparent to you, very early on in your relationship, that he’s a man out of your league. Someone too good to be true.

You’re… undeserving of someone like him.

“You’re so nice to me.”

Hoseok smiles, but looks a bit confused as he peers up from the menu. For the first date, he decided on something fancy. A dinner with a view, where the waiters serve imported wine, and the dishes look like edible pieces of art. You’re both dressed well, blending with the other couples and groups in the surrounding tables.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks you, a bit taken aback by your statement. “I like you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” you quietly counter. The insecurities are getting the best of you. While Hoseok could make a name for himself, you’re just a nobody. Lost in life and without ambition. You waste your days numbing yourself from the mundane and loneliness.

What could someone like you possibly offer to someone like him?

Then, Gluttony.

Honestly, for a while, you didn’t know what you and Hoseok were doing. When you first met him, there was only one thing you wanted. And somehow, that became something more.

Somehow, Hoseok continues to meet up with you and take you to nice places. He doesn’t expect sex from you every time either. It’s like he genuinely likes to hang out with you.

Once, he took you to an aquarium. You didn’t even think you cared about fishes and marine animals, but your eyes widen in awe when you see the luminescent glow of jellyfishes in the tanks. The corner of your lip lifts into a small smile when you see Hoseok clapping his hands and laughing when a sea lion claps its fins back at him. And you actually laughed when you dared Hoseok to touch a stingray at the petting station, and he nearly fainted when the tip of his fingers brushed against its back.

Another time, the two of you end up at a local diner after a party, a little drunk and a little high. The two of you order too many burgers and fries and decide to eat them by his car in the empty parking lot. Perhaps you were still intoxicated. Perhaps the food wasn’t doing anything to help you sober up fast enough, but you end up sharing more about yourself than you ever intended to that night. And Hoseok is quiet as he listens, not once judging you for every bad decision you’ve ever made. In fact, he tells you that he thinks the same sometimes – that he isn’t all rainbows and sunshine like you initially thought he’d be.

Then, there was the day he took you to the mall. He seems very adamant about couples clothes and making sure he matches with you whenever you two go out. It’s a bit embarrassing for you, if you were honest, but he seems to like it a lot when you’d color coordinate with him or if you’d wear the top for the matching set of his pants. An elderly woman is in line behind you two when you take a break from shopping to grab some pretzels and drinks when she comments that you look like a cute couple.

It hits you right then and there that you and Hoseok are a couple.

You’ve been showing up at his dance rehearsals and shows. He’s introduced you to his friends and you’ve all hung out at the beach. He comes to pick you up from work and take you to his place, which slowly but surely has a lot of your stuff in his space now.

Neither of you ever made the relationship official though. Yet, Hoseok smiles at the elderly woman, practically beaming as his hand tightens around yours and thanks her.

You don’t know what you are to Hoseok – if he really sees you as his girlfriend, someone he’s just dating but not that serious about, or maybe just a friend he’s intimate with – and you’re not sure what comes next.

The two of you find a spot to sit down, and you watch as he snaps pictures of the pretzels first before holding up the phone to take a picture of you and him together. As you pose for the camera, you could see how the two of you really do look like a couple. Matching clothes and all.

Whatever you are to Hoseok, and whatever he is to you, perhaps it’s okay to indulge in it while it still lasts. Even if a small, tiny, selfish part of you yearns for more.

And then, Wrath.

Since the beginning of your relationship, you’ve been quietly counting down the days until it’s over. When Hoseok would find someone else and move on, just like any other lover you’ve dated. He’s too good to you, too kind. And you’ve been heartbroken and jaded one too many times to know that an inevitable end will come.

Even when an anniversary becomes two.

Even when he introduces you to his parents, and has started looking for a house you can move in together.

Even when his friends start to tease him and ask when they can expect an invitation to his wedding with you.

You’ll always fuck it up somehow.

“I don’t know why you’re so angry with me,” Hoseok tells you, exasperated. His patience seems to be running thin. “Did I do something wrong?”

It’s frustrating for both of you. Your suspicions. Your insecurities. Nothing good happens to you. A little voice in your head nags that you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve him.

And there’s nothing he can do to prove to you otherwise.

“I think we need to end this,” you find yourself saying. Words that you don’t mean, but they fall out of your lips anyway. From self-sabotage. From pain. From fear. 

“You don’t mean that,” Hoseok calls your bluff. He doesn’t look angry or upset, but it seems like he expected this. The disappointment seems to hurt more than if he were to lash out on you.

Tears are brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill, but you refuse to cry. Not in front of him. You keep pushing him away, hoping he’d wake up and realize what you’ve always known – that he’s too good for you. That you’re the wrong person to share a future with.

“Just go,” you demand, your voice soft, barely a command.

You expect him to fight for you, like he always does. The back and forth breakups to make ups has become a vicious, toxic cycle lately.

“Fine.”

You’re stunned when you see him get off the couch and quickly walk out the door without another glance at you. This is what you want, right? It feels cruel to have expected him to stay.

And as your tears finally fall, a part of you – the part that truly, desperately loves him – hates you even more.

Sloth.

That is a demon that stayed with you the longest.

Your heart feels heavy after the fight. So heavy, it feels troublesome to move. To eat. To think. All you want to do is rot away in your bed and sleep.

“Come on,” Hoseok’s voice gently calls for you. He opens the blinds to your bedroom, letting sunlight spill in. “I got the bath ready for you. Let’s wash up and I’ll make you something to eat.”

You close your eyes again, scowling with your face pressed against the pillow. Maybe you’re dreaming. A hallucination of your lover that your mind imagined, prompting you to get up and face the world already.

Or maybe Hoseok is just really too kind.

You get your answer when you feel his hands pull you away from the safety of your covers, and he helps you to the bathroom. He's picked up the empty bottles of beer and soju that littered around the room, you note, seeing them neatly put in plastic bags. The warm water feels soothing against your skin, and you soon feel his fingers run through your hair and massage your scalp.

You don’t say anything to him then.

You don’t say anything as he helps you dress up into something comfortable and sits you at the table. Groceries you don’t remember buying sit on the counter. He must have gotten them before he stopped by.

It’s only after he sets down a bowl of stew he made that you finally speak.

“Why are you doing this?” you ask, your voice so soft, you don’t think he heard you.

You’re undeserving of this. You’re undeserving of him.

Even now, that little voice in your head taunts that.

“I like you,” Hoseok simply answers, sitting next to you with his own bowl. There’s a sad smile on his face as he continues, “Even if you don’t feel the same.”

You sniffle. The part that loves him wants to scream that he’s wrong.

But the tiresome demon snuffs it out and keeps you quiet and complacent.

And then, there is Pride.

Some would say, it’s the most evil of them all.

Pride keeps you from admitting your mistakes. From saying that you’re wrong. That asking for forgiveness is beneath you, and seeking for help and assurance is weakness.

Hoseok comes and goes often after you two have broken up. A stubborn part of him seems to think he can fix things. That in time, you’ll change your mind and take him back. That you’ll love him again, just as much as he loves you.

Even though, in your heart, you’ve never once stopped.

Pride is the vice that sneaks up on you. One you didn’t think you’d ever have, given the way the others plague your mind.

You only realize it when Hoseok stops visiting as much. When his calls are less frequent. When that look in his eyes that he used to only have for you starts to turn to someone else.

“Are you happy?” you ask when he tells you about her. He doesn’t need to. It isn’t any of your business. But he does anyway.

Because Hoseok loved you once. Perhaps, there will always be a part of him that still cares about you. That still likes you, despite everything.

A small voice in your head tells you to admit your feelings to him now. To tell him that you still love him. That you never stopped thinking about him.

Maybe if you did, things would’ve been different. Maybe if you did, he’d choose you.

But that kind of confession is undeserving of you. It kills you to see Hoseok moving on and loving someone else. But what little pride you have steels you from revealing the truth.

Even as he smiles and tells you, “I am.”

The cruelest one of them all, however, stands before you.

You've been doing better. You've been trying. The drinking and parties have slowed down significantly. The demons that haunt you have quieted down. You and Hoseok are friends, despite everything.

Which is why you end up here, at his place, looking at the white box he has in his hand.

Hoseok smiles and shows you what’s inside the box. Hope is in his eyes as he looks at you.

And a myriad of demons and their vices scatter into your heart all at once.

Lust makes you careless. Throwing yourself away to carnal sins is how you two met, and perhaps, not much else more.

Greed makes you selfish. Makes you want to keep him for yourself, even if you’re the one who broke things off with him.

Envy makes you jealous. What does she have that you don’t?

Gluttony makes you indulgent. All you do is take, take, and take. You don’t give anything back, and that’s why he deserves more.

Wrath makes you angry. You want to scream, throw something at him, make it known that you’re upset. That you’re still in love with him.

Sloth makes you complacent. Despite your fury, you could do nothing. This is all your fault, after all.

Pride makes you a liar. You refuse to let Hoseok know how hurt you are.

And hope … Hope has you clinging to him, even now. It makes your heart yearn – that small, tiny part of you that keeps fighting for him. That keeps reminding you that you love him. Even as he stands before you with an engagement ring inside the white box.

“Do you think she’ll like it?”

You force yourself to smile, hoping that it doesn’t reflect the way your heart shatters. Hoping that, for a brief second, he’d look at you and say that he loves you still.

“She’ll love it, Hoseok.”

Thank you for reading ♡ Comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[mapofthesea]

goalie!hoseok x social media manager!reader, fem!reader

hockey!au

genre: fluff, smut, some angst

word count: 5.7k

summary: on paper, keeping your relationship with internationally famous goalie Jung Hoseok quiet is a great idea. In practice, it makes shaking off the attention of other men without suspicion quite difficult.

warnings: general sports talk, Hoseok is possessive, pre-existing but lowkey relationship, swearing, arguing (between hobi & rival player), brief mention of hockey game logistics/terms, hobi talks about hurting someone and subsequently throws hands (hockey level violence, mention of blood), reader and hobi are very in love. Specific smut warnings include: Dom!hoseok x sub!reader, unprotected sex, mild degradation but she's into it, praise, oral (m receiving), fingering (f receiving), slight hair pulling, dirty talk, consent because its sexy, he presses on her stomach while he’s inside her (idk what to call that 😬), sloppy kisses, multiple orgasms, he cums inside, aftercare ofc.

PSA: for those of you who are hockey literate: I know that goalies cannot be team captains, so it makes no sense that Hoseok would be the one doing the ceremonial puck drop at the beginning of the game, but creative liberties and all that.

(tagging @here2bbtstrash as per previous request :) )

an: as always, please DO NOT read this if you are under 18 or uncomfortable with the content. I am not responsible for your media consumption when I provide proper warnings! Alsoooo this is a work of fiction, and it never hurts to remember that. As always, I do not proof read so there may be some typos. Happy birthday month Hobi, ty for being one of my muses, love you <3

Hoseok leans into his stretch, making a show of extending his pretty neck side to side as you watch on. He catches your stare and smirks, heat blooming your cheeks as you try to focus on editing the graphic on your phone. It’s the late afternoon of a big game day where the Bangtan Boom are coming head to head with the largest rival team in the region. The game is already sold out, and a feeling of uncertainty has befallen the arena that even the all-star line can’t seem to shake.

Hiding your smile becomes hard when Hoseok lets out a satisfied sigh, plopping down on the bench just far enough away from you to be unassuming to onlookers if there were any.

“Hey there!” He addresses you like you’re nothing more than coworkers, and despite the vacancy around you, you decide to indulge him.

“Oh, hello there.” You blink owlishly at him, “is there anything I can help you with?”

A heart shaped grin splits his face as he tries to keep up with the charade. “Oh, I just wanted to come take a little break.” He drums his fingers against his thigh, and you just know that underneath his loose athletic shorts there’s a wealth of firm, smooth skin. You swallow harshly and glance around before sliding over, leaving just inches between the two of you.

It feels delightfully childish to be inching toward him like this; looking around for watchful eyes as if your mom would pop out and catch you canoodling with the handsome goalie if you weren’t careful. This close up, you can see the pretty lashes fluttering against his cheeks with every blink.

“My, you’re quite handsome for a hockey player,” you tease, squinting as if you’d never considered the fact before. His face lights up, eyes crinkling with the force of his smile.

“Really? That’s what my girlfriend says too! Don’t worry, I won’t tell her. She tends to get jealous.” He extends an arm behind you on the bench, grazing the side of your neck with his calloused fingers. A shiver wracks your body but you pretend to be unaffected as you pout at him.

"Oh, damn, I didn't know you had a girlfriend! She must be pretty lucky..." He smiles at your leading statement, now thumbing at the soft locks of hair at the nape of your neck.

"Nah, I'm the lucky one. She's beautiful, and smart, and talented, and funny, and sometimes she does this thing with her tongue-" Your face flames and you drop the act, shoving his side in retaliation to the words. Hoseok lets out a belly laugh as your attempt to move him fails. "What? It's all true!" He throws his hands in the air in mock resignation and an unbidden laugh bubbles out of you.

"You're ridiculous. And I love you." You can feel your cheeks strain with the force of your smile, and there's no denying that Hoseok is the only person who makes you feel this way. He was the only person you had eyes for long before you began dating, and even after 2 years you still feel giddy being near him.

"I love you too, baby." His voice has dropped an octave from its usual, and your brain stalls as he slides away from you, taking his body heat and penetrating stare with him. You want to pout, but the sound of dress shoes clacking against the concrete floor steels you.

"Hoseok, there you are!" A suited team executive yells, immediately clapping your boyfriend on the shoulder as soon as he stands. "We were looking for you everywhere, we have to get into the locker room and start warming up!" Hoseok nods easily, more than ready to go, but the executive catches you in the corner of his eye.

"Oh, miss Y/N! Nice to see you, too. I would have assumed you'd be up in your office!" His eyes slide between you and Hoseok, and alarm bells ring in your head.

"O-oh, I was, but I needed a quote from Hoseok for our charity game posts...so, that's why-" you lick your lips nervously, careful to avoid Hoseok's eyes, "I'll be going now!" You rush off before he can say anything else, stomach churning with anxiety at the situation. The walk to your office is already brief, but you make it there in about half the time. In the solitude you let out a shaky breath, smacking your own forehead in reproach. There's no way he would have been suspecting your involvement with Hoseok at the beginning of the conversation, but after your awkward explanation, he might be connecting the dots.

You feel sick to your stomach at the thought, sure of the media storm that would follow the news. You force yourself to swallow the burn in your throat and collect your frayed nerves. The game was just hours away, and being visibly nervous wouldn't help anything. Until you got home tonight you had to pretend that Jung Hoseok was nothing more than a player on the team you work for.

---

That's always easier said than done. No matter how many hockey games you had watched and worked, the sight of Hoseok sweaty and fresh off of the warmups ice always makes your heart flutter. You steal sneaky glances his way while he converses with his teammates, a severe look on his face. The crease in his brow reminds you of just how serious this game is to him, the chance to prove himself against their fiercest competition; but it also lights a fire of arousal in your stomach to see him that focused. He licks his lips and you feel like you may spontaneously combust, reminded of just how adept he can be with that tongue, and the way sweat runs in rivulets down his face and neck...

"Miss Y/N!" The same executive from earlier appears to materialize out of thin air as he calls your name. You startle and turn to face him, plastering a smile on your face.

"Hi, what can I do for you?" You ask, hoping that the genial way you clasp your hands together will excuse the unprofessional staring from before. The executive grins and points widely toward the rink entrance where special guests help facilitate the ceremonial puck drop.

"As you know this is a big game, so we have someone pretty important for the puck drop and I would love to make sure you get something posted for the accounts about it." He supplies.

It's an easy enough task, and you don't bother to tell the older man that you were planning on doing so anyway. The walk there is fairly long, looping past the staff bathrooms and break room before you come close to passing the guest locker room. The door to it is closed, but a man stands on the opposite wall, looking confused.

He's tall and built like you would expect a hockey player to be- with a small mop of unruly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He's surely handsome, but you haven't found anyone as attractive as Hoseok since the day you met him. You're intent on walking right past the man, but he sees your ID and lights up immediately.

"Hey, excuse me! I uh- need to go over for the ceremonial puck drop and I don't know which way to go." He smiles apologetically and you finally register the sewed on 'C' on his jersey, a mirror of Hoseok's own but in a different color. Although he's the rival team's captain, he's still a human being first, so you return a smile.

"I'm heading there too, you can come with me. I'm Y/N, the social media manager. You are?"

If he takes offense to you not knowing his name it doesn't show. He easily falls in step next to you as you circle the arena. "I'm Brenden March. Nice to meet you, Y/N. And thanks for walking me. I tend to get lost at away games and my guys make fun of me." You can't help but chuckle at him; seeming so unassuming even though he's likely a beast on the ice.

"No problem, I'm used to rounding up our guys anyway; they're always all over the place."

"I can see why they send you to do that. Any guy would be lucky to have you walk them around an arena." The playful lilt of his voice gives you pause, and you nearly have to shake your head to clear it. Surely he wasn't flirting with you? You had been out of the game so long, it's genuinely hard for you to tell what his intentions are.

"I'm just usually walking around anyway," you offer, gauging his reaction as you reach the right entrance for the rink.

"I'm sure you do more than that around here," he fully grins at you now, leaned against the nearest wall with his arms crossed over his chest. The two of you are the first to arrive and anxiety spikes in you. You want to be hospitable, as you do represent the team, but you weren't sure how much longer you could talk to him without it being awkward.

"Other than running our socials, I try to keep out of the way, to be honest." You feel small under his intense gaze, especially so when he tuts at you.

"They gotta hide you away, pretty. I can only imagine how distracted those guys must get if they see you out there," he jabs a finger toward the ice and you hope desperately for a third party to join you and break the tension. "There's a reason coaches are always men," he continues, smirking at you as if you're supposed to find that flattering or funny.

You say nothing, but you can feel your face flush from anxiety, which he of course mistakes for flattery.

"Awe, don't have anybody to compliment you around here, pretty? I wouldn't mind taking that role if it needs filled..." his voice takes on a unmistakable drawl that makes you want to vomit. Before you can even respond, you feel the air shift as Brenden straightens against the wall.

You know his presence, his scent, before he even speaks.

"She's more than taken care of by this team, thanks." The venom in Hoseok's voice makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He skirts around you, careful not to touch you and give himself away. Brenden gives a scoff at his words.

"You gonna let him speak for you, Y/N? Is he your boyfriend or something?" He seems inordinately upset, likely more mad at being ignored by you than anything else. He pushes himself off of the wall to stalk closer to you and it takes a lot out of you to stand your ground. Hoseok is calculated in his movements, standing behind the rival so you can see him over the mans shoulder. The look on his face is positively murderous; eyes narrowed in on the two of you.

"No, he's definitely not my boyfriend! I just don't- no thank you." You finally squeak, peeking back at Hoseok. You always feel awful for denying your relationship in front of him, even though it was a term you both agreed on. Brenden seems decent enough to back down when you say no, or at least he's given up on the pursuit now that Hoseok is around.

No matter the reason, the special guest arrives with his family seconds later, and the two players morph into media ready smiles at the drop of a hat. You introduce yourself and set them up for a few photos together before the game officially starts; but you can still see the venomous looks being passed between the men. A feeling of helplessness washes over you as they do the puck drop; the two players crouched head to head over the puck as the whole arena watches on. Hoseok's jaw is clenched, and you can only imagine what kind of foul things he's holding back.

The special guest and his family are ushered to their seats and Brenden disappears to head back to his team's entrance. Hoseok hesitates, eyes burning into your figure.

"I'm gonna fucking crush him." He whispers, brushing a gentle peck against your forehead before leaving.

---

Usually you make a habit of circulating the rink during games, either taking photos of talking to other workers, but today you find yourself rooted to the glass behind Hoseok's goal. It's not the most convenient place to watch the game, and you constantly flinch as pucks fly your way, but it's the best you can do to be close to him for now. They're tied at the end of the final period, and you can tell Hoseok is shook up from the way he smacks his stick against the ice as his teammates get stuck at the other end, fighting for the puck. The whole arena seems to be holding its breath to see the outcome of the top two teams coming head to head.

"Fuck, come on guys!" Hoseok yells loud enough that you can hear him, and you have the overwhelming urge to yell support back to him but you hold your tongue. His team loses control of the puck and race back to play defense, Hoseok immediately putting his guard back up as he gets advanced on. You only have eyes for him but that doesn't mean you're invisible to everyone else, and unfortunately Brenden is among the pack advancing on Hoseok. You can see him smirk even from behind the glass as he circles up, vying to get the puck so he can take the glory of a goal. Luckily the defensemen keep him off and he skates to behind the goal.

To the crowd and his teammates, it certainly looks like a strategic move to catch the puck if one of his teammates whiffs it around the back, but it's evident to you that he only went there to mess with Hoseok.

"Can't keep the fucking pucks out today, buddy? Still wound up about earlier?" His taunting makes you wince even though its not for you. Wisely, Hoseok gives no reaction. Two players fight over the puck, so Brenden has time to continue. "She's real pretty, you know? Sure you never went for it? You seemed awful upset. Did she turn you down?" Hoseok hunkers down further, taps his stick against the ice again. "Oh, I get it, she's fucking one of your buddies?" Your heart clenches despite knowing its not true, and you want nothing more than to personally punch Brenden in the face. The players fighting over the puck begin to move; thankfully Hoseok's teammates are the ones taking the puck with them. Despite to being time for him to move, too, Brenden can't seem to resist one final jab. "Hey, by the way, when we win- I'm gonna show her what she's missing."

You suck in a breath, shortly getting drowned out by the sound of the roaring crowd as the puck gets closer to the net, playing in tandem to the seconds ticking down. One strong shot at the net and it's over, loud sirens and cheers marking a game well played and victory for the Bangtan Boom. You let out a sigh of relief, glad that the horrific night can finally come to end- until you see Hoseok flying across the ice, gloves disregarded on the ice as he goes. His teammates try to catch him; pull him into a celebratory hug as the announcers praise them, but he bypasses them all and launches straight for Brenden, swinging for the man's face.

Several gasps of shock, including your own, punctuate the air as Brenden struggles to fight back, pulling on Hoseok's jersey and landing a few punches of his own. The refs jump on them as soon as they realize what's happening, and in a flurry of fists and whistles they separate. As always, the crowd cheers as a ref steers Hoseok off of the ice but your stomach turns. Instigating a fight outside of game time will surely cause him trouble- and what would he say if anyone asked him the reason? Goalies starting fights is rare to begin with, but especially so outside of game time.

The rest of the players shuffle into the locker room and you dumbly follow suit, unsure what to do next. You don't dare to go near the locker rooms, fearful of both Brenden and whatever punishment Hoseok might be getting, so you loiter dumbly in the hallway near the bathroom.

Other staff members pass you and wave and you return the gesture without much thought. You have no idea how long you stand there; but eventually the team heads out of the locker room looking showered and refreshed. Hoseok is at the very tail end, emerging behind even the coaching staff. The skin under his left eye is already bruising. Unbidden, your lip wobbles as a sob works its way up your throat.

"Hobi..." you gasp his name before the tears come on strong; blurring your vision so much that you don't see him approach before he's engulfing you in a hug.

"I'm okay, why are you crying? It's not like I've never been in a fight before!" You nod against him but continue crying despite the logic. Hoseok pets your hair down and sighs.

"Let's get to the car first." You offer no resistance as he leads you out of the arena. It cleared surprisingly fast, and only a few cars remain in the parking lot. The two of you don't usually travel to or leave from games together, but Hoseok abandons your cautions for now and gathers you into his SUV.

He turns the heat up to your preferred temperature and makes sure you're buckled before he begins the drive home.

"Sorry for crying, I was just worried about you." You offer, admiring the slope of his nose as he drives. "Just...did you get in trouble for it?"

His Adam's apple bobs. "Not too much, baby. Just not starting lineup next game. Nothing to worry about, I promise. And that fucker deserved it." He takes a left turn much harder than usual, and you know the fight didn't assuage all of his anger. "If you could have heard the awful things he was saying to me, chirping out the ass behind the net when his team needed his help-"

"I did," you offer meekly. "I did hear it. I was behind you." Hoseok's freshly bruised hands flex and tighten on the steering wheel.

"Well then I should have beat him harder. Bashed those smug fucking teeth in until he was spitting them out." He growls and your stomach flutters with arousal over how willing he was to stand up for you, even if you weren't publicly declared as a couple.

"It's okay, Hobi. I wouldn't want you in any more trouble." You pause to admire the lights of the city and how they reflect off of the shine of his hair. "Even though it is pretty sexy to see you fight for me," you tease, placing a hand on his knee and gently squeezing.

"Well, I can tell you that's never happening again." He carefully laces his fingers with your own and you take that as an indication he's starting to feel lighter.

"Damn, so no more fights in my honor? But you're soooo brave, my handsome prince!" He grins despite the heavy night and it makes your heart soar to provide him with the same weightless feeling he gives you.

"No, no more hiding this. Us. I know you're worried about our jobs, but baby, fighting every douchebag player who finds you hot is gonna do a lot more damage than us going official. I can't stand not being able to claim you anymore." Your face flushes at the sincerity in his voice; and as he parks in your garage you pull his face towards you.

He will surely be black and blue in the morning; but it's just a faint pink for now. He doesn't hesitate to kiss you, pressing his chapped lips against your own for only a moment before he indulges in your taste altogether.

"You can claim me whenever you want, Hobi." You whisper against him and he moans, deep and guttural, and you both work to rid yourselves of the confines of the car.

Making it to your bedroom isn't even a conscious decision- your bodies carry you on instinct alone until you're in the unmade sheets from this morning, devouring each other's mouths.

There's no preamble to taking off your clothes. Each of you understand exactly where this is going, and you're too preoccupied with getting his mouth back on yours to discuss it. You groan in appreciation as his smooth skin is revealed, lean and capable muscle taunting you as he sheds his bottoms. Hoseok has always been proud of his body, but the admiration from you never hurts to reinforce his confidence.

You shiver with excitement at the sight of his cock already bobbing at his stomach, the slight curve of it so tantalizing that you forget that your underwear is still on.

Hoseok laughs and bends down to level with you at your spot on the bed. "Do I have to do that for you?" He teases, eyes twinkling as your startle. You start to hesitate but he's already creeping his fingers up your thighs, leaving paths of lightning against your skin. Your underwear are gone in a few tugs, forgotten on the bedroom floor, but Hoseok's fingers remain. They coax your thighs apart, gentle eyes encouraging you to lay back onto the messy sheets.

"My pretty baby..." He muses, ghosting over your pelvis, just above where you're throbbing with need for him. Your hips lift, hoping to persuade him to travel further and he surprisingly relents. A gasp leaves you as he traces the seam of your lips, parting them gently with two long fingers before collecting the wetness already there.

"You always wet for me, or was it the fight?" You know he's only teasing but the arousal in your veins has turned you complacent and pleasantly fuzzy.

"Always," you whine and lift your hips into his hand again, hoping to feel one of his fingers catch along your clit. He seems content to avoid it for now; instead burying the tip of his finger into your opening.

"'m gonna stretch this little pussy out, cause I know you can't take me if I don't." The truth of the words strikes through you, nodding rapidly as your wetness makes way for his finger.

You clutch his strong wrist; able to feel the flex of every muscle in his hand as it works inside of you. A second finger pushes in and your walls adjust immediately, eager to suck in whatever he offers you. His thumb finally presses against your clit with just enough pressure to remind you its there.

"Hobi," you sigh his name and he gives you a signature heart-shaped grin.

"Love it when you say my name like that with my fingers wrecking your little pussy."

"F-for you," you echo as he crooks the pair just right, brushing the spot that makes your eyes roll back. "Yours."

Hoseok moans, loud, and you feel your insides light with pride again.

"That's right, all mine. Mine for ever and ever." He speeds his pace and you choke on a gasp. Pleasure wells in you surprisingly fast and Hoseok knows the signs; your thighs tremble, nails digging into his wrist, and he leans down to steal a kiss from you right before you come.

You moan into the kiss, the gentle ebb of your first orgasm increasing as Hoseok works you through it and nibbles on your neck. Your mind clears and you bristle against the strands of his hair tickling you.

"Hobi, stop it," you giggle, playfully shoving at his head while he extracts his fingers. You can feel his pout against the burning heat of your neck but he easily retracts. Your eyes can't help but track him so you can only watch in awe as he sticks the fingers that were just inside of you into his own mouth and cleans them off with a lewd pop. If you weren't already liquified with pleasure, the look of ecstasy on his face would've done it.

"Look, now we'll match," he remarks casually, trailing his saliva covered fingers over the bruise he left on the column of your neck. You shudder under his touch and the intensity of the stare he levels at you.

A sudden thought wracks you. "Hobi, honey, I never thanked you." You lean into the saccharine sweetness of your voice as you sit up and his eyebrows raise in interest. He seems happy to let you guide the moment, sitting back onto the bed so you can rise onto your knees. Your fingernails bite into the hard planes of his chest and create a tantalizing trail downward over his nipples, between the ridges of his abs. Delight runs through you when he shivers and drops his head back against his shoulders.

"Do you mind if I say thank you?" You tease, finally cupping his cock in your hands.

"Fuck, of course not baby. Love it when you thank me." You can hear the smirk in his voice and you have to hold back a laugh as you lower yourself onto your knees and elbows and waste no time engulfing his cock in your mouth. You lick the tip, circling your tongue the way you know he likes and the praise flows instantly. His hands tangle in your hair and tug you down further, forcing your mouth full as you sputter. Spit escapes you and coats his cock but only aids the glide as you bob up and down on him.

"Shit, baby. I love you and your dirty little mouth," he hazards another thrust of his hips and you swallow around his length in response. "Lettin' me do whatever to you, thanking me for fighting for you, my sweet little girl? Happy to go brain numb and let me use you?" You keen and nod around him, pushing yourself down on his cock until your eyes are watering.

"God, wish I knew that asshole's number so I could show him what he's really missing." The moan that leaves you is instant, rumbling against his cock and inspiring a similar sound from his own throat.

"Like that idea? Want him to know how good you suck my cock?" Hoseok pulls errant strands of hair away from your face and the gentle touch makes your heart kick up in happiness. "Sorry baby, not gon' happen. I'm the only one that gets to see your pretty eyes when you suck my dick." His voice wavers as you choke around him, making a mess of him with the saliva.

You feel his cock twitch rapidly and he sucks a deep breath in. His hands leave your hair to press under your jaw, thumbs resting presently over your pulse points. "Off." He demands, and the edge in his voice tells you he means now, and you have no interest in disobeying him after today.

A string of saliva connects you as you pull off and clear your throat, immediately sitting up on your knees and gripping his wide shoulders.

"Hi, my pretty girlfriend." He muses, kissing your forehead. You highly doubt that you look exactly pretty right now; you had no time to take your makeup off and you know there's trails of spit over your chin and neck.

"Hi, my pretty boyfriend." You mirror, massaging your fingers into his shoulders, allowing both of you a moment to reset and catch your breath before the endurance match coming next. Your insides twist with anticipation as he coaxes you into a sloppy kiss, nipping at your bottom lip with reckless abandon as he guides you to lay down again.

He slots perfectly above you, legs fitting between your open thighs with practiced ease. The press of his hard cock against your pussy makes you breathless and needy for him again; the relief from your first orgasm long replaced by renewed desire.

"Hobi," your face flames in anticipation of your next words, the effect that they'll have on his plans for the night. He locks his eyes on you, expectant of more as he rocks his hips minutely against you. "Claim me?"

"You perfect woman, how could I ever want to do anything else?" Tears well and threaten to spill as he smiles blindingly. "Now lemme..." he traces your lower stomach, enjoying the way you squirm under his touch. Anticipation burns you from the inside out. He finally acquiesces, rearing his hips back to give his cock a few strokes. They're wholly unnecessary, but you still enjoy the show.

"Good?" His voice rasps but you can make it out and voice your readiness. He pushes your knees toward your chest and puts his bruised knuckles on display; a stunningly sexy reminder of what partly lead you here. Your stomach dips and flutters as he presses the fat head of his cock against your entrance.

The feeling of instant relief strikes you both as he pushes in, allowing the contours of his cock to shape your inner walls. With your legs held in place by his bodyweight, he takes the liberty to hold onto your waist; big hands spanning across you and over your stomach.

Your moans leave you unbidden as he works his entire length inside of you. "Like coming home." He whispers, and the simple statement loaded with so much truth makes you keen, muscles tightening around him.

"Hobi, please do something-" His tendency to start slow was always for your benefit, but right now it was something you could certainly live without.

He puffs out a breath and surprisingly obeys; likely just as needy as you are. He moves quickly, raising the tempo of his hips so abruptly that you nudge up the bed and rumple the sheets even more. His pretty grunts mix with the lengthy moans you can't contain to create a sinful cocktail that only makes you feel more consumed by him.

"Fuckin' like that!" You encourage, eager for him to repeat the exact angle and tempo that made your toes curl.

"Got you, baby. Right there?" He teases, repeating the motion but this time with the added pressure of his hand over your abdomen, pressing directly into the spot where the tip of his cock reaches. You convulse under his ministrations and as reliable as always, Hoseok intuits your needs and strums a finger over your clit. Electricity sparks your veins and you tighten around him, encouraging the stuttered tempo of his hips that signals his end.

"C'mon baby, waiting for you to soak my cock so I can fill you up." A loud moan erupts from you at the statement. "Isn't that what you wanted, hmm? Me to claim you and this pretty pussy all for myself?" He pushes on your stomach again, adding to the pressure already mounted inside your pussy and you only squeak before you cum. The world flashes white behind your eyelids and you feel like you're floating, faintly aware of Hoseok's moans as he praises you for coming.

His efforts double and you fight through the fog in your head to focus on the beautiful expression on his face as he comes, pulsing deep into you. He slumps, beautiful skin slick with sweat sticking against your own as he lays his weight on you. Normally it would be suffocating or annoying- you often had to poke him awake if he laid on you like this at night- but the contact grounded you. His face nuzzles into your neck and you wrap your arms around his frame, tracing the planes of his back as well as you can.

"I love you, Hobi. Like a lot." You don't know why tears burn behind your eyes at the words; they were exchanged between the two of you several times a day. He shifts, pushing his body up over you and beginning the slow removal of his cock. You both wince at the chance but he softens the feeling by grinning at you.

"I love you too, Y/N. Can I ask you something?" He blushes and you instantly worry your brow, curious as to what could have your wonderfully outgoing and vocal boyfriend so nervous.

You nod, cupping his warm, bruised cheek in a gentle hand. He still glows even after such a long day.

"Do you-. Earlier I said that I wanted to claim you," you both flush at his words now that the haze of arousal has subsided. "And as much as I enjoyed that, I meant..." He frowns and you mirror it.

"Can we go public? In whatever way you're most comfortable with, but please, Y/N? I can't keep doing stuff like today." He's sincerely nervous to ask, but your face melts into an immediate smile once you hear.

"Of course we can, Hobi. I'm tired of it too. You know, I think that executive was starting to put the pieces together and it honestly made me want to puke." You grimace but he laughs, bubbly and sweet and everything purely him.

"Baby, he already knows. He wanted to set me up with his daughter a few months ago, and I couldn't come up with a good excuse so I just told him." Your mouth slacks open and he laughs even harder, rolling onto his back and clapping a hand over his mouth.

"I'm sorry, baby. I thought the reveal would be funny. I was right." You roll your eyes and smack his arm playfully, a joyful mirror of the way the two of you began the day at the arena.

"I'm leaving!" You huff dramatically and haul yourself up from the bed, leaving a whining Hoseok behind to go to the ensuite bathroom. All it takes is the sound of the shower running for him to reappear by your side, practically begging to get back in your good graces.

[ilikemesometaetaes]

•••> Author: @ilikemesometaetaes

•••> Summary: Some people don’t actually like seeing their exes upset. Do you?

•••> Pairing(s): Hoseok / Female Reader (ft. Choi Yeonjun)

•••> Word Count: 16.57k [Unedited]

•••> Rating: 18+

•••> Tags: eventual smut (in second part) | angst | ExFiancè!Hoseok | ExesToLovers!Hoseok | Boss!Hoseok | Military!Reader | Veteran!Reader

•••> Warnings: angst, cussing, mentioned gunshot wound/forced discharge due to physical handicap, alcohol use, jealousy, unrequited feelings, engagement cancellation, mild toxicity if you know how to read red flags, rejection, arguing, loss of feelings, eventual smut, You know the drill. If you don’t want to read, don’t. If you’re under 18, don’t.

Copyright © 2023 ilikemesometaetaes. All Rights Reserved.

PART ONE -> PART TWO

His loud guffaw is what drags your attention to him in the first place.

It isn’t his black sequin jacket; it’s not his flame orange hair; it’s not the gold ring that wraps around his pinky.

It’s his god-damned laugh.

He’s standing there with his friends, laughing at something that Jimin has just said, when you notice him.

Your ex-fiancé.

Your fingers clutch a little bit tighter around your flute of champagne as soon as you take Hoseok in. It’s been months since you’ve seen him. An awful, lonely stretch that has been a slow process to use as healing. Despite the time you’ve had, you feel your blood boil the more you stare at his irritatingly handsome face.

Because it isn’t fair. He shouldn’t be smiling all brightly like that. He shouldn’t be happy or joyful or unreservedly calm like he always was. He shouldn’t be the same old Hoseok that you grew to fall in love with at one point in your life.

Is that toxicity you sense? Some red flags in your personality? Meh. Perhaps.

“I promise that it’s not you; it’s me.”

As you stare at the way he raises his glass to his lips and tips his head back to take a sip of his own champagne, you can’t help but remember the phrase. The downpour on your car lightened to make it that much more deafening.

“It’s you?” you ask him. “How in the hell is it you? I’m the one who’s busy. I can make more time for us, Hobi.”

The man in the driver’s seat chuckles dryly and leans forward to place his forehead against the steering wheel, his black hair falling forward with the motion. “But that’s not the problem, Y/N. I don’t want you to make more time for us. You’re doing so well now and I know that you have the promotion in a few months. I can’t get in the way of that.”

You sit back in your chair and stare at him, holding his ring to your chest. It feels so heavy in your grasp that you think it could pierce through the floor of the car and drop to the wet pavement below.

“Hoseok,” Your voice is a broken whisper whilst the tears collect in your eyes, the dread of loss rearing its ugly head to gaze upon you. “You know that you mean more to me than anything I’ve ever known. I can drop everything and I- I can be better. Please,” you beg. “Please don’t do this.”

“But I don’t want to be the reason that you throw your life away. I can’t be that person that just…” He takes a breath and throws his hands up in exasperation. “… accepts others putting themselves down for me. I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore.”

He starts your car without waiting for your response and your desperate mind pushes you to reach out and grab onto his arm to try and stop him from running away. The rain continues to patter against the roof and windshield.

“I don’t know what you want me to do. This-” you cut yourself off for a moment and look down, searching for the words to say in the reflection of the street light on the shifter. “-it can’t end like this. Tell me what to do to make it right.”

Hoseok clutches the steering wheel tightly and shuts his eyes, exhaling with a low rumble in his chest.

“I’m not the one you should be doing things for, Y/N. You should be making decisions for yourself and doing things because you want to do them- not because I want you to.” He opens his eyes and turns his head away from you to stare out the window.

“I don’t want your world to revolve around me.”

The man you watch lowers his glass to the table that he leans on and continues to listen intently to what Taehyung has to say. You assume the younger one is going on about data and stocks with how serious the conversation became in the short span of a few moments. The smile that was on Hoseok’s face is nowhere to be seen now.

He looks a bit stern from the way he purses his lips and furrows an eyebrow. When it seems that Taehyung says something that boggles his mind, he cuts in to add his piece. He was never one to just be quiet and truly listen, you think spitefully.

“Y/N!”

Petty Officer Blake calls your name, drawing you away from the sight of your ex and back to his uniformed arm slung casually over your shoulders. The weight of his bicep presses the collar of your own uniform into the back of your neck even further and makes for a scratchy sensation that you put up with only because it’s your friend who’s close to you.

“What?” you ask, turning your head to look at him. His gelled hair has fallen into his forehead a little and begun to break uniform regulation, but you don’t bring yourself to care. The formal portion of the evening ended ten minutes ago and no one cares if a few hairs are out of place.

“I get that we’re relaxed now, but you’d kill me for not reminding you. I asked if you submitted the muster report to Ensign Trias.”

You clear your throat and speak confidently despite your inner turmoil, a skill you learned during your grueling weeks at boot camp.

“I did. She’ll be happy to know that we’re all present or accounted for.”

Blake agrees with a grin. “Yes, she will.”

With a final swig, you finish your champagne and place it on the table with thoughts of Hoseok creeping back into your skull. Why is he here?

You know the answer, though. Taehyung and Jungkook obviously invited him. Your shipmates are the reason you’d met Hoseok in the first place. Now that you’re back from your underway at your home port for the first time since early November, they obviously thought to reunite the group for the ship’s New Year’s ball.

Everyone in your group of friends left home, although it was only you, Taehyung, and Jungkook who decided to enlist to leave. The three of you met at boot camp fresh out of high school. Looking back on it, it feels like a lifetime ago.

The three of you are all chiefs now, years and years of service in the military under your belts, and you couldn’t have been happier when you found out that the both of them would be deployed on your ship for the next eight months.

On your first deployment as a young and inexperienced sailor, Taehyung was the only face you recognized amongst the sea of them aboard your ship. His friendship was what made you begin to actually enjoy the military in the first place. Long hours of watch and constant maintenance was draining, so when Taehyung invited you to go to a bar he was familiar with once you pulled into port again, you were all for it.

Hoseok was the first amongst his friends that you’d met. He lived in the local area that you were ported in and you’d instantly grown intrigued by him when you found out he was also from your hometown.

He sipped on bourbon and passionately took part in the conversation alongside Jungkook, who was completing a shore tour at the same base, while you watched him quietly. Being a naturally brave person with military confidence instilled in your psyche, you were the one to speak first when he wasn’t speaking with the others.

“What’s your rate?”

The man looks up from his glass and focuses on you with wide eyes whilst the rest of the table continues the conversation without him. He’s seemingly shocked that you’re speaking to him in the middle of their banter. After a beat of realization, he replies.

“Oh- um. I’m not in the military.”

You lean against the table your group is sitting at and place your chin onto your fist with a small smile. “You’re not? You definitely have the hair.”

He thoughtfully raises his hand up and strokes the side of his head where his fade tapers at his ear. “I’m not. I just like the style.”

“Me too,” you agree, giving him a neutrally flirtatious compliment. When he doesn’t speak again, you turn your eyes back to the center of the tables’ attention and pick up on the conversation between Taehyung, Jungkook, and their friend, Jimin.

“I told you that we were going to be home for St. Patrick’s Day. I planned ahead so that we could go to the Irish Channel and celebrate- and now you’re bailing on us?” Jimin is offended by the fact that Taehyung can’t make it to the holiday party he planned. That much is obvious by the way his eyebrows turn up in disbelief and he holds a hand to his chest.

“ ‘s not my fault,” Taehyung replies through a mouthful of fries. “Blame the powerful men who decide our fate by getting into fights with each other. Blame the system.”

Jimin sighs and puts his face into his hands. “Fucking hell.”

Jungkook grumbles to himself lowly, inaudible. With a snap of his neck, Jimin turns to him. “What?”

The younger one pipes up. “I won’t be able to make it either.”

“Fuck, guys!” Jimin exclaims. “What the hell happened to us? We used to hang out all the time!”

“Life happened, man.” Hoseok butts into the conversation and you turn to him to find that he’s staring down into his empty glass. “We grew up.”

You just stare at him in awe.

“Did you see that dude with the orange hair?” Blake leans into you to whisper the question. You don’t respond even though a quiet voice inside you bites back that Hoseok’s hair is actually flame orange, not just orange. “Someone’s definitely going to say something to him. This is a military event for fuck’s sake.”

Blake bringing up Hoseok’s presence makes the the walls of the large room feel like they’re closing in on you. Like the world is slowly becoming smaller. Blake is so unaware of the torment that you’ve suffered because of the man that’s he’s mentioned, but you can’t explain the heartbreak to him. You can’t explain the life that never was nor the dreams that were lost. Suddenly, it’s difficult for you to breathe.

The chair legs scrape against the floor as you stand from your seat. Consequently, Blake’s arm falls from around your neck and he looks up at you with questioning eyes at the abrupt action.

“Going to the bathroom. I’ll be back,” you mumble. You can’t bring yourself to be confident with the negativity that has filled your mind since you first noticed Hoseok.

“Want me to come with?”

You look at him with furrowed eyebrows when you realize what he’s just asked you and he puts his hands up in mock surrender. “Kidding! I’m kidding.”

You roll your eyes and push in your chair, readjusting your dress jacket draped over the back so that it doesn’t fall off when you let go of it.

Your steps are slow as you make your way to the corner of the room where the bathrooms are and it’s in your steps that you take the time to think about the past. Are you the one running this time? The more you ponder over your retreat from the room, the more you criticize yourself for doing the same thing that Hoseok did all that time ago.

“Hey Y/N,” A voice stops you in your path. “Ready for the new year?”

Laci.

Stiffly, you turn to face the woman and her lips are pulled into a knowing smile by the time your eyes reach her face.

Smug bitch.

The woman’s smile is patronizing as she regards you, her lengthy blue dress swaying when she leans onto one foot and places a hand on her hip. It fits her well, her curves filling it to perfection in a way that makes her model-esque lifestyle obvious. She doesn’t spend her time sweating over machinery or working out to prepare for fitness tests like you do. Instead, she diets and pays to shape her body in the way that she wants it. To your dismay, she’s utterly perfect.

On the outside.

“Hey there, Laci. You look beautiful as always.” You manage to mumble through the annoyance.

“Oh, thank you!” She smiles even wider. “Took me two hours to make everything look right. The dress is a little itchy, though.”

You try to keep your voice level with hers, a byproduct of your resentment for the woman combined with your need to appear kind. “I love the dress. It suits you.”

“You do? Hobi told me the same when he picked it out, although I don’t know if it’s really my style…”

Ouch.

You hold back the instant desire to clock her in the jaw because you are way above the notion of physically assaulting someone. Despite your handle on your emotions, you still loathe her.

Never, in any of the conversations you’ve had with her, has she missed an opportunity to rub in your face that her and Hoseok are dating. She has a knack for being able to drag your attention to something he’s bought her without saying so at first so that she can give you the time to unknowingly compliment it. It irritates the fuck out of you because she knows she does it. Laci parades her absolute prize of a boyfriend in front of you because she loves knowing that he loves her and not you.

“I see,” you quip, turning to begin leaving so that the conversation can conclude. “Regardless, you look great.”

“Thanks,” She giggles in her flattery, but there’s a touch of poison in the soft sound. “I feel so bad for you. You never get to dress up and look pretty.”

You take the hit and purse your lips at the offending remark. Frankly, you don’t feel confident dressed in anything but your uniform now. It’s second nature since you hardly find the time to be out of it these days.

“Yeah,” You breathe evenly whilst you turn away and begin stepping off. “It’s too bad.”

“Y/N?”

Your feet freeze mid-stride. Your heart skips a beat.

“It’s good to see you.”

Slowly, you turn back to face where Laci stands and immediately hold your breath at the sight before you.

And suddenly, it’s as if he just ended things with you yesterday.

Hoseok stands, his arm sliding around Laci’s waist, as she leans into his touch and presses her nose into the side of his neck with a smile. The sight alone makes you jealous- seeing him with another woman is heartbreaking- and you can’t help the acidic touch of spite beginning to taint your mind. Despite the pain the sight of him causes, you still know in your heart that that should be you.

Your heart pounds woefully for him. You miss him so fucking much and you passionately hate him simultaneously, but his attention on you makes your chest cave in under the weight of it. Meeting his eyes takes you back to the first time he looked at your own, He looks divine- just like he did before.

“Good to see you too, Hoseok.”

You hardly ever called him by his full name when you were together. The only times you did were when the two of you were talking about something serious. After your failed engagement more than three years prior, his nickname never got another chance to leave your lips.

“How’s everything?”

You close your eyes for a moment, taking a cautious breath to calm yourself before you answer his deep voice, and then open them again to find his left eyebrow taking on the ever-familiar position of concern for you.

“It’s alright.” Your voice seems to be lost somewhere in the midst of the pain that accompanies his appearance. “I’m making an announcement later on.”

“Is that so?” Hoseok smiles softly while he allows Laci to thread her fingers into his. “How late is later?”

“In about an hour. Don’t want it to get in the way of the countdown.”

You know the announcement won’t matter to him; it’s too late for him to change his mind. Him and Laci have been together far too long for him to come back to you.

The two of you broke up for a good reason- you’ll give him that. He had every right to feel the way he did because you didn’t give him the time and attention that he needed.

You regret many things in your life. No matter how much you’ve tried to live with no regrets, the blasted things always manage to creep back in and remind you of all the mistakes you’ve made throughout the years. The wrong decision that had bad results, the wrong statement that upset someone, the wrong timing of a poorly delivered joke; many of your past actions bother you in your day-to-day life.

Being unable to keep Jung Hoseok by your side is the worst of them all.

“Well, we definitely look forward to your announcement! I think Hoseok and I are going to see if we can get a few moments to ourselves before the fun starts.”

You nod your head only once as Laci smirks at you. Hoseok offers a tight-lipped smile in place of words and it’s in this moment that you finally accept that your once-fiancé has fully moved on from you. He doesn’t even spare you another glance before he turns around with Laci wedged under his arm.

The tear in your eye fights to come through to the corner, but you lightly snort to choke it back down and prevent yourself from crying at the sight of Hoseok turning his back on you.

Again.

Splash some water on your face. Take a deep breath. Don't let yourself cry over him again. You chant the words in your mind like a mantra as you stare into the mirror in the bathroom. The water you just splashed onto your face drips off of your chin.

The music continues to play in the dining hall without you. Although it's muffled, it serves as the perfect reminder that peoples' lives will continue to go on without you. You lean against the sink even harder with the weight of the statement bearing down on your shoulders.

A sharp knock on the door follows shortly after you lean your face into the sink again, prompting you to whip your head around to face the sound.

"Y/N?" Blake. "You in there?"

"Shit." You curse lowly while you fumble for some paper towels to press against your wet skin. After giving yourself a final glance and concluding that you still look like a wreck, you turn to the door and open it to step out.

"What's up?” You plaster a smile on your face as you greet his curiously concerned blue eyes.

"The captain's looking for you." His eyebrows are furrowed and the worry lines in his forehead are deeper than usual. When you move to step around him and avoid that conversation, he presses a hand to your shoulder to stop you. "Are you okay? What's going on?'

You sigh and look away from him to hide your predicament- one he is completely oblivious to. "Nothing. Don’t worry about it."

“Why? There’s obviously something wrong. We agreed we’d be transparent with each other.” He grabs onto your hand and brushes his thumb over the top. “Talk to me.”

Suddenly, you become acutely aware of the presence by the end of the hall where it turns to open up into the dining room. When you glance over Blake’s shoulder towards the movement, you find a flash of flame orange hair. With the revelation of who stands there, watching you, you are propositioned with two options.

On one hand, you could reciprocate Blake’s support and give in to his comfort like you want to, although it would appear much differently to Hoseok who watches from afar and only sees the action of Blake holding your hand. Perception is reality.

On the other hand, you could give your coworker and friend the cold shoulder to display to Hoseok that you are, after all this time, by your lonesome. Being alone like the way he left you would undoubtedly display how big of an emotional crater he left in your soul.

Maybe it would make him feel bad. You want him to feel bad. At least it’d mean he feels something for you.

Although you know you would have gone through with the second option two or three years ago- when you were freshly bitter from the split- your facade has hardened into a detached permanence since then. Time has not done you well.

You look up to Blake then, eyes beaming with the ache of tears that beg to break through, and smile into his concern as carelessly as possible so that you can brush off the emotion. Gently, you take his hand.

“I’m fine. Just a little wound up is all.”

The concern and worry seem to disappear from his face all at once as he smiles a toothy grin. “Announcement making you nervous?”

“Something like that,” you chide.

When you get the chance to peek over your friend’s shoulder again, Hoseok is gone. Damn. It was too easy to get him away. You can't help but wonder if you made the right decision because of how your heart slightly twists at the thought that maybe- just maybe- your ex-fiance still has feelings for you. You brush off the hope just as soon as it arrives.

With a knowing smirk, Blake backs away and swings his arm out in the direction of the ballroom, beckoning you to return to it. "Ladies first."

You giggle and begin walking. "How kind of you, sailor."

"Just trying to look chivalrous, miss." He smiles.

You maintain your smile as you walk back into the ballroom, searching for your captain while you avoid anything relatively close to the shade of orange you know to be somewhere on the dance floor.

You find your captain with a glass in his hand and the executive officer below his other arm, laughing with rosy cheeks at something one of the department heads has just said to the two of them.

"Gentlemen," you address them. "I hope you’ve been having a good evening. Captain? You sent for me?”

“Y/L/N!” He looks at you and smiles, the crinkles by his eyes deepening. “Good to see you! Is everything in order for your announcement?”

You nod as you respond to him. "Yessir. The DJ is ready."

“Good, good. Carry it out whenever you're ready, Chief."

Your eyes are cast to the floor in preparation of what you will be speaking into reality. "Aye aye, sir."

Time begins to slow as you make your trek over to the DJ’s table to ask for the microphone. Your legs struggle to move at a normal speed and your mind is attempting to escape all of the memories that surface. Stretched across a thousand agonizing moments, you prepare to move on from this chapter of your life while it flashes before your very eyes.

Robotically, you nod at the DJ who smiles and then hands you the mic, knowing very well what you are about to tell the crowd of people. It feels like you are separated from your body, but your tight grip on the cool metal grounds you and keeps your feet moving to the podium.

Once you come to a standstill and face the crowd, the DJ follows the movement of you bringing the mic to your mouth and lowers the music when you clear your throat.

"May I have everyone's attention, please?"

As expected from a military event, the people quiet themselves particularly fast.

You struggle to breathe for a moment, the weight of your announcement making the lump of nervousness in your throat that much more burdensome to breathe around. As the silence becomes deafening like the night it did in your car, you swallow thickly.

"I'm..." You trail off for a brief second. "I'm sure you all have heard that I will be making an announcement tonight and some of you were probably wondering what it will be."

The sailors of your division are, without surprise, gathered together in a large group. They cheer from the side of the dance floor closest to the bar. No surprise there.

"Hell yeah, Senior Chief!" You recognize GM2 Green’s chirpy voice and internally cringe at the rank she’s just called you. It’s the next rank above your own. The one you should be promoting to.

LPO Promise yells right after her, his deep voice bellowing amongst the hoots and hollers. "Get that promo, girl!"

Blake stands amongst them and smiles sadly at you because he is the only one, besides your captain and division officer, who knows what your announcement is.

Your smile is bittersweet as you regard your division’s support because- as much as you appreciate how happy they are for you- they are dead wrong.

Because you won't be promoting.

"Well, after a lot of thought and tons of paperwork, I can finally deliver my announcement with no going back."

You wince as you see your division grab onto each other with excitement.

"It’s with a heavy heart and so much appreciation to everyone aboard the Hybe that l inform you all that I have been cleared to be discharged at the beginning of February."

The room goes awfully silent before it erupts with congratulatory applause.

And suddenly, your eyes find the flame orange hair in the sea of natural colors.

Hoseok’s face is expressionless as you look at him. You know that he understands what this means for you and what it would have meant if he had just been a little more patient with your love for your work. If he had just waited three more fucking years, the two of you could have been together the way you both wanted.

But what you want is never in your cards. You don’t want to retire; you don’t want to leave your life in the Navy behind.

You don’t want to be physically handicapped.

But you are.

The gunshot wound you took to your shoulder two years ago still burns into your skin as you clench feeling back into your fingers. With so much nerve damage caused by the hollow point of the 9mm bullet that was shot into your axillary nerve, you lost feeling in your shoulder and a good portion of your arm.

Unfortunately, it served as the perfect basis for the Navy to discharge you. You have barely more than two months to find another occupation to make a living.

The trigger-happy dumbass who decided to load his magazine with the unapproved ammunition had accidentally fired it while you were still on range. Although he claimed that his pistol misfired after the ceasefire was called, you knew the guy- he was dangerous and careless when it came to gun safety and it resulted in your injury. Mishandling a deadly weapon will always have its consequences.

The callous sailor got his court martial and dishonorable discharge way before the Navy first informed you of your forced separation.

Thankfully, the people of your division were there with you during your recovery and supported you through the process of rehabilitating the damage. What none of you knew was that the Navy was tracking your injury the entire time and was able to disqualify you because of your permanent physical handicap. No matter how much you want to cry out that it’s not fair, you wouldn’t be able to kid yourself

Life isn't fair, but the decision to let you go is fair. Besides, how could you protect the people you love when you're broken?

You let your eyes leave Hoseok to look at your division who are already approaching the podium with obvious tears in their eyes. You’re surprised to find that you also have tears of your own- tears that were on the verge because of Hoseok and carried out by losing yet another ones- even if your contribution is minuscule- is what drives you in your career. To be retiring after only ten years of service utterly kills you when you think back on how long you planned to stay in upon your enlistment at such a young age.

The Navy is your life. And now? You have to let it go.

“Thank you to everyone- CO, XO, CMC, the entire crew- for being a great team during my last tour.”

The lump in your throat becomes monstrous as your tears stream down your cheeks and your heart breaks. Your voice is much too wobbly to continue for much longer. “It’s been a pleasure serving with you all and I can’t wait to see what you are able to do to carry out our mission towards a better future.” Sniff. “Bora haewa, sailors. May you continue to gain the respect that you all deserve. I wish you fair winds and following seas.”

With that, you leave the podium and return the mic to the DJ who was obviously moved by your speech and now exhibits shiny eyes that he attempts to blink away. Your own tears continue to run down your skin as you repeatedly wipe them off.

You only have two months to get your new life in line and say goodbye to this one yet you merely want to stand watch on the Hybe one more time and joke around with your division. Simpler times you took for granted are now so precious that you find yourself already missing the life even though you will be in for a few more weeks.

“Chief,” Green cries and throws herself on you as leave the DJ table. “Why didn’t you tell us you were leaving us?”

“Good for you.” You could recognize Isom’s drearily monotone voice anywhere even as you dig your face into Green’s shoulder. “You’re finally getting out of this hellhole.”

“Shut your mouth, Isom.” Promise growls. “We don’t need that negativity here. You can obviously tell this means a lot to her.”

“Whatever.” The man replies, rolling his eyes as he almost painfully reaches his hand out to give your shoulder a few pats. “Congratulations.”

Promise replaces the older sailor’s hand with his own, letting his fingers linger to squeeze in comfort. “Congrats on the retirement, Chief. I’m excited to see where your new life takes you.”

“Thanks guys.” You sniffle. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but it was a pretty quick process that was really difficult for me to keep up with.”

"No, we get it." Promise says. Green emits a small 'mhm' as she raises a hand and wipes her nose with the back of it. You can't bear to go without hugging her small frame even more as you see that the white in her eyes has turned red. Promise faces her. “It’ll be good for her."

“And it's time for her to move on." You hear Blake walk up from behind the two of you as he adds on to what Promise has said and it is then that you decide to release Green so that you can turn to him. He smiles at you softly, expectantly, and you return the expression with one of your own, accompanied with outstretched arms.

The hug with him is warm and caring, a rare occurrence for him to be physically affectionate, yet it is because of the few drinks he's had that he decides to communicate his care for you- for once.

People filter to you as the minutes go by so that they can give you their congratulations or upset speeches about why retirement is the end of the road. As saddening as it is to think about what you should do after retirement with your injury, you don't blame your shipmates for bringing it up because they have no idea why you're retiring. They probably think it's easy for veterans to get jobs since they’re so much younger than you.

Your harsh reality is that there aren't many places who would hire a physically disabled person, as awful as it is. In your harsh reality, your veteran status nor your disability status will help much.

The clock at the head table- conveniently placed by the Officer-In-Charge of the event- reads 23:17. Forty-three minutes until midnight and the new year. Should you enter the new year wasted? Or should you just remain sober and cry it out as you truly lose everything you have ever loved?

Blake ensures that you have at least a few drinks in your system before the clock reads 23:45. He was never one to pass up free booze and neither were you, so why would you change that pattern for the new year?

By the time everyone gets settled together, it’s 23:52. You don’t find Hoseok anywhere- that goes without saying that you can’t seem to find Blake nor your other shipmates either. As far as a New Years’ kiss is from your mind, you hope for the bare minimum of someone you care for at least standing next to you. Anything else would just be the icing on the cake.

You search around for a few minutes, slowly feeling the loneliness you’ve felt for years creep into your skull with such adamant ferocity that you merely stand in the back of the crowd and admit your defeat with a large gulp of the drink in your hand. So far, the alcohol you hold and the one before it have provided you with the buzz that stirs in your veins.

At least you feel something.

Suddenly, you spot Blake in the crowd. It's not surprising that he has a woman under his arm- Blake is incredibly good looking- but it's surprising that the woman who wraps her arm around his waist is none other than Green. The sight makes you wonder when that happened.

23:58. Two minutes until the New Year.

You glance down at the drink in your hand and swirl the contents of it with intentions of downing it once the clock reads 00:00.

"Y/N!”

You look up at Blake and Green with a jump of surprise and realize that they are beckoning you over to them.

"Get over here!' Green yells with a rapidly-curling arm.

You make your way over to them quickly, joy coursing through every cell in your body because of the people you care about. It's a small thing that brings you happiness- simply being around your loved ones. When you come to stand next to Blake, you take a look at the clock again.

23:59.

Blake holds Green tighter to his side. You simply hold your drink a little tighter between your fingers.

The sailors of the Hybe begin chanting when it hits the thirty-second mark. In comfortable delight next to the two people who hold most of your heart, you chant with them and look around at the cheering crowd in utter enjoyment.

At six seconds, your voice dies before you can make any more sound. You can't seem to find any air to take into your lungs as you spot orange hair and brown eyes that hold rays of sunlight within them.

He smiles down at her with the light of a thousand glowing stars as she cups his jaw and smiles up at him.

“Three!”

The world slows.

“Two!”

His orange hair drapes onto her forehead as they both lean into eachother.

“One!”

He pulls her more tightly to him by her waist and closes his eyes.

“Happy New Year!”

Your heart breaks all over again as they kiss.

The fanfare of the New Year falls on your deaf ears because all you can seem to process is the constant string of deafening words in your head.

That should be me. That should be me. That should be me.

It's hard to know how, but you manage to break away from Blake and Green, who kiss with such intensity that you have to gasp for your own air. They’re so preoccupied with each other that they don't see the tears in your eyes.

The look on Hoseok’s face was all too familiar. It brings back distant memories you thought you had buried as you gulp down the last of your drink and make a beeline for the door. You need to leave before you make a fool out of yourself.

It's not specifically the kiss that is burned into your skull. The kiss stirs your envy and jealousy in a way that you are used to because of Laci's constant jabs. It stings, but you are familiar with it.

The thing you are not particularly familiar with is the sensation that came before the kiss. This is the sensation that forces you to leave the party through the closest exit.

The feeling is one of acceptance, although you're not sure of how far-reaching the damage is. It's heartbreak and it's happiness all in one emotion yet you cannot place a word on it at all because you've never quite felt it in the volume that you feel it now.

You're heartbroken because you mourn what you've lost with Jung Hoseok. You weep for what could have been yet never was and never will be.

And the never will be is also what you are happy about.

You are happy that the world will continue to be blessed by his smile of ardor. Even though the smile on his lips and the wonderful shine in his eyes are no longer meant for you, it's the fact that he will continue to give it to someone who has truly made him feel the way he used to make you feel. It's because of your never will be that Jung Hoseok has been given what you were too blind to give up- everything.

The look that Hoseok gave Laci is one that would make even a stranger proud of the beautiful things that he has accomplished. The smile of adoration and love is a look you know all too well. It's as familiar as it is heartbreaking.

You remember when he used to look at you like that.

Snow falls steadily on the sidewalk as you order an Uber. You receive a text from Blake that asks where you are, yet you can only seem to ask him to grab your dress jacket as a response.

Don't forget we have drills on Monday is all he says and you huff out a shaky breath of gratitude for how well he knows you. He knows that you need space and you manage to elicit a small smile past your cascading tears.

The Uber arrives soon after you give up on looking at your phone and when you manage to slide into the backseat of it, slightly buzzed, your body slumps into the seat all the way back to your apartment because of how physically and emotionally drained you feel.

You spend the rest of the night in your room, reminiscing about your time with Hoseok.

He asked for you to be his girlfriend in the parking lot that was in front of your ship. The sun was just beginning to set on the horizon of the bay it was ported in. After two months underway, he was there to greet you for family day.

Like any gentleman, he showed up with flowers and charmed himself straight into your heart after so many hangouts with you and the rest of the crew. It was the first time you saw that look in his eyes as he tilted his head down to you.

And right there, in front of so many of your shipmates, he kissed you for the first time.

Taehyung and Jungkook freaked out like the pair of spazzes they were. Hoseok flicked them off behind your back as you wrapped your arms around him, but it wasn’t noticed by you until hours later when Jungkook finally sent the pictures of your first kiss with Hoseok to you.

And you were in love with him then. Just as you are now.

If you really love him, though, you think it’s about time you finally let him go.

You lie in your bed, letting tears stream down to soak into your pillow, and delete the photo- along with all of the others that chronicled your happy days as Hoseok’s.

The number of photos and videos came out to be 1,753.

It's much too difficult to ignore Namjoon’s voice as he speaks to Taehyung. The bass of it carries a lot farther than the falsetto of Jimin's, who stands with them.

"Yeah, I heard it was so bad that he had to change his locks."

"Oh, no way!" Jimin seems to laugh out of pure astonishment. "She's that crazy?"

Namjoon sips on his drink. “Apparently so.”

For a moment, they’re silent. You take this opportunity to rejoin the group and walk up slowly.

“Does Y/N know?” Jungkook asks.

You quirk your eyebrow when you get to them. “Know what?”

The five men turn to stare at you in surprise and you can see that the youngest one winces.

“Uh…” Jimin trails off, lost. “The…”

None of the men seem to be able to speak. You have obviously reentered the conversation at a bad time.

Finally, once he’s done looking at the others in disdain, Yoongi scoffs. “It’s not like he wants to keep it a secret. She’s our friend too.”

“What’s going on?” You set your drink on the table and put a hand on your hip expectantly.

Yoongi grabs onto your shoulder. “Laci cheated on Hobi.”

Suddenly, you forget about the comedic way the men look like deer caught in headlights. Instead, your blood boils.

“What?”

There’s no happiness gained from the news; you feel no satisfaction from learning of the reason behind the end to his relationship. Hoseok, as much as it was his decision to end things between the two of you, deserves nothing but the best that this world has to give. Knowing that he’s been wronged like this just makes you angry- and feeling a little protective.

“Yeah,” Taehyung has the nerve to laugh. "Turns out she was banging her manager to get that bonus she was gloating about."

"You missed a golden opportunity." Jungkook coughs and brings his soda to his lips to poorly cover up the statement. Taehyung looks at him crookedly, confused, and Jungkook sighs. “She was boning her manager to get that bon-”

Yoongi’s fingers grip a little more tightly into your skin when he cuts off the younger man. "I find this topic hardly appropriate for a retirement party. I just wanted her to know."

Despite his statement, you turn to him. "Is he alright? When did he find out?"

Namjoon speaks up instead, running a hand through his hair. "He was sulking around and hardly came out of his room for a few days. He finally told me about it the day before yesterday."

In the beat of silence that follows the revelation, you worry for Jung Hoseok. Misplaced guilt makes itself known in the feeling of your stomach dropping because you become acutely aware that all of his friends are here, at your retirement party, with you.

"But is he alright?" You repeat the unanswered question adamantly.

A brief pause passes between you and the group of men. No one seems to have the desire to answer you.

"He's a mess," Yoongi sighs, finally. "-but he'll be fine. You know he doesn't like it when we hover."

The older man is right. For as long as you've known him, Hoseok always prefers to do the comforting rather than be comforted. He isn’t a reserved man, but he is less likely to seek help from others because he has his own, private healing system.

Jungkook chuckles. "You should've seen the groupchat when we were talking about the party."

Shit.

You have to take a seat as you process what Jungkook has just said.

Hoseok has just been cheated on; he just broke up with his girlfriend; all of his friends are here at your party while he does whatever he does and handles his issues alone. You didn’t even have the courage to invite him.

The thought makes you feel awful.

“That’s enough.” Yoongi says. “We’re here to celebrate Y/N’s retirement. Let’s not bring up her ex-fiancé anymore, yeah?”

Quietly, the group murmurs in agreement and proceeds to talk about whatever it is they talk about as you turn around to greet more of your former shipmates. The party continues in full.

But you can't seem to get the thoughts of Hoseok out of your head.

“We’re really glad you decided to join us. Your résumé is really impressive!” The woman, Kyla, walks just slightly in front of you as she speaks.

You smile and shift the box of your belongings in your arms. “Thanks! It was super tough trying to find work around here.”

She turns her head slightly so that you can see the smile on her face. “Oh, I get it. The job search is increasingly difficult these days. I’m glad we found you!”

The workspace is surprisingly homey when you take a look around. At the nineteenth floor of the office building, you expected cubicles and white walls, however, you’re surprised to find that each employee has their own office- granted, they’re a bit small- and each space is decorated differently.

“Employees are free to decorate their spaces as they deem fit. We, at BigHit, believe artistic freedom encourages more efficient production.” Kyla stops in front of an empty office and turns to you. “You are welcome to do the same, Y/N.”

“Thank you,” You can’t help but breathe out the graciousness a little, thankful for the opportunity that has been afforded to you. Although you’re on a military pension due to your honorable discharge, it’s not nearly enough to support a comfortable lifestyle, and you’re still so young- you can’t not work. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all we ask for.” Kyla gestures her well-manicured fingers into your space. “Please, make yourself at home. The chief supervisor of this floor will come by to help you settle in soon.”

You squeeze in through the door with your box in hand and misty eyes. After two months of job-searching and extremely strict budgeting, you finally have a job. Not only will you be able to relax in your apartment now, but you will be able to support yourself even more than you did before. Life is finally getting better.

Your new office is quite small; it seems to be a standard eight-by-ten workspace with a desk perpendicular to the far-right wall, a company-provided desktop computer, and a set of drawers against the wall that sit next to the desk. Although it’s not much, you begin picturing all of the ways you can make it your own because, after all, you’re extremely lucky to have landed the job in the first place.

“Again, Kyla,” You set your box down onto the desk and turn to her. “Thank you.”

She laughs lightly and begins walking towards the door. “I’m just here to make sure you’re happy and content. The chief supervisor is actually the one who signed off your application, so save all that for him. Let me know if you need anything- anything at all- and I’ll be here to work it out.”

You nod and reach into your box to start taking your things out. “Sounds good.”

“Oh, and Y/N?” Kyla pauses, halfway out the door, and turns to you again. You stop to look at her with questioning eyes.

“Thank you for your service.”

You’ve heard the phrase hundreds of times before, yet it still sends you into a fit of confusion when someone hits you with it.

Did you really serve? Was your time fulfilling maintenance requests and working on heavy machinery enough to be considered service to your country?

Are you enough?

“Uh,” You scramble for the right words awkwardly. “Th-thank you for your support.”

Kyla nods, smiles, and then leaves with the closing of your door.

Twenty minutes and an empty cardboard box later, you sit in front of your new desktop monitor when there’s a knock on your door. It’s a familiar cadence that taps to a specific beat, yet you can’t place where you know it from.

“Come in!” You voice at a volume a little less than a yell. There’s a beat of hesitation before the knob turns.

Ever so slowly, the door opens.

Flame orange hair.

Mocha brown eyes.

Jung fucking Hoseok.

Your heart drops to the floor as your ex-fiancé stands in the doorway. Suddenly, all of the air in the room seems to be vacuumed out. He’s stolen it, rendering your ability to breathe practically nonexistent.

“H-Hoseok?” You stutter his name. “W-what’re you-”

“I’m- uh-” He seems to be just as dismayed as you, eyebrows furrowing incredibly hard whilst he looks at the floor. “I’m the Chief Supervisor.”

Dumbly, you continue to stare at him in silence, at a loss for words. He speaks again. “I see you’ve- er- settled in well.”

His brown eyes are inquisitive and shocked, although you don’t understand why.

If anything, you should be the one who’s surprised seeing as he’s apparently the one who hired you. He saw your name on the application- allegedly, he’s the one who approved it- so why does it look like he walked into the wrong office?

“Kyla helped me out.” You struggle to make small talk with him, scurrying for development yet becoming unsure of how to go about conversing with him.

You eye Hoseok critically, wondering why he’s being so awkward, and note the way his natural brown hair begins to push the orange out to reveal itself at its roots in an almost natural way. It gives away that he’s gotten his hair done since the last time you saw him on New Years Eve.

His eyes look tired because of the bags under them, something you’re not used to, yet he seems to have gained the smallest bit of mass around his shoulders and arms. Despite what he’s gone through in the last few months, he looks good.

And as much as you’d love to hate him, you still can’t.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Hoseok’s voice is almost a whisper, yet you can still hear the slight edge of bass that you used to love so much. Almost delicately, he steps into your office and you eye when he places his hand on the door to close it. Then, he decides against it, dropping his arm back to his side while he takes another step to stand in front of your desk. “Were you able to access your profile yet?

It’s hard to speak past the lump in your throat as you look up at him from your chair. “Not yet, no.”

“Wait,” He shifts his weight to the other foot and crosses his arms over his chest almost as if he’s trying to protect himself. His body language practically screams that he’s uneasy. “Did Kyla give you your log-in information yet?”

“She didn’t,” you answer him.

He toes the ground awkwardly. “Oh…”

In the tiny and quiet space of your office, the two of you go silent. Neither one of you speak for a few seconds.

Hesitantly, Hoseok grabs the back of the chair in front of your desk and moves to sit.

“So…” His voice is uneven. His eyes meet yours and there is something in them that throws you off. “How’ve you been?”

The tension in the question is palpable, although you can’t seem to place what kind of tension it is. Is it guilt? Obligation?

Sexual?

Suddenly, you can feel his hands skating up your thighs and coming to rest at your waist. His arms pulling you close to his warm body. Loving kisses to your cheeks and the corners of your lips.

The ghost of his touch hits you like a truck as he sits there and expects an answer from you. You have to shudder out a breath to collect yourself from the notion of missing his touch and love.

“I’ve been better,” you clear your throat. “But I’ve been worse.”

Hoseok’s smile is small and courteous, although, it is easy to see that something has changed him since the last time you saw him smile. His smile was blinding and beautiful when you saw him on New Years, but now? The light that contested the sun is nowhere to be seen.

He looks down at the floor again, breaking the line of tension and allowing you space to breathe. “I guess that’s… good.”

It’s easy to see that he’s lost. His lack of confidence is horribly obvious in the face of your judgement. The room goes quiet again and you can hear your own heartbeat pulsing in your ears because of how much it quickens from the situation.

“So you’re the one who hired me?” You place your hands onto your desk and lean into the question.

Hoseok raises his hand to the back of his neck and rubs sheepishly. “Oh- uh- yeah. I did.”

“Why?”

It’s a million-dollar question. One that has a simple answer. It could be dealt with professionally and truthfully with the way Kyla explained it earlier. He could take care of it smoothly and cleanly and move on with your professional relationship. But you don’t want him to.

Because, after all this time, you realize-

You still hope that he will come back to you.

The possibility that he hired you because he still cares about you lingers in the back of your mind. Even if he still cares about you as a friend, you cling to that hope like a koala clings to a tree. Jung Hoseok is a good person and you want him in your life in any way that you can have him.

Despite the fact that he gave up on you.

“I saw your application,” he says. “You’re more than qualified for this job.”

The statement does not satisfy your hopeful thoughts; instead of the answer you wanted, you got the answer that you needed.

It’s enough for you to see a future with Hoseok in it, but it’s not enough for a future that you thought about once upon a time. It’s also enough for you to know that he is no longer in love with you. That ship sailed long before you were forced to accept it.

Now that you have gotten to speak to him cordially and seen that there is nothing but friendly attitude, you can finally put any remaining reservations you had for him down into the grave of who you used to be.

“Well,” you say after a moment, clearing your throat of emotion. “Thank you for the opportunity. It was really hard to find a job.”

“It’ll be nice to have you around.” He smiles the smallest of smiles.

And in his eyes, you see the beginning rays of a sunrise.

“So, Y/N!”

Yeonjun yells a little over the music of the bar. You look at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“What brought you to BigHit?”

You set your glass on the table and turn your body to face him while the others continue to eat their food.

“I actually stumbled across it on Indeed! I saw they were hiring a technician and I needed a job really bad so I applied.”

He places his cheek on his hand and nods while you speak. When you give him the straightforward answer, he leans in a little. “Do you like it here so far?”

“It’s very nice.” You smile genuinely even though you’ve heard the question hundreds of times in the last four days. “It’s a huge culture shock.”

RaKeisha turns her head to look at you. “Oh yeah! You did tell me that you used to be in the military! I can’t imagine how much more lax it is.”

“Loads.” You laugh.

RaKeisha’s words seem to incite curiosity in Yeonjun.

“Oh?” He asks. “You were in the military?”

You nod and pick up your drink. “For ten years.”

The man hardly misses a beat before he says, “Military women are pretty admirable.”

The table of your new coworkers goes silent for a split second before erupting into a chorus of ohhhhhhh’s that make you duck your head in embarrassment.

“Christ.” You mutter and smile bashfully, blushing into your cup before taking another sip.

Another one of your coworkers, Soobin, claps a hand onto Yeonjun’s shoulder. “My man!”

As the dinner continues, you think more and more about the man who sits at the other end of the table. He casts you glances every now and then with the slightest of grins on his lips. He’s a little cute.

His blonde hair shines under the low light and his eyes are borderline flirtatious. You note the way his full lips twitch just slightly every time you make eye contact with him. He’s young- younger than you by a few years, you think- but he still carries himself like a man. Although his eyes are not full of sunshine, they are full of potential.

You like potential.

After twenty minutes of the back and forth, you finally smile back at him.

A chair scrapes loudly and the sound of cutlery clattering on the table distracts you from the moment. Everyone turns their heads towards the interruption.

Hoseok walks away briskly in his gray suit, however, you see a slight sway to his step that causes his path to become partially diagonal as he makes his way towards the restroom. It makes it obvious that he has begun to feel the alcohol that he’s been drinking.

He doesn’t turn around once.

RaKeisha furrows her eyebrows in confusion and leans in to whisper to you. “What was that about? Is he going to throw up or something?”

You brush off the strange action. It isn’t your business to meddle in his affairs anymore. To maintain the professionalism he set when he first came to talk to you, you shrug in response to your coworkers question.

“I don’t know. Something.”

"♨️Keep your clothes warm♨️"

The caption on your screen is short as you stare at the photos you’ve come across.

You lie in your bed and hold your phone while you lay on your side, scrolling through Hoseok’s instagram page in deep thought. Only recently did the two of you begin following each other again.

In the photo collection that is accompanied by the caption, he wore a Louis Vuitton scarf and a brown skull cap that concealed his eyes. He posed in an elevator where he used a certain filter that caused a fish-eye effect from the floor of it. You can’t help the small smile at how dorky he looks in each of the photos.

He’s just as dorky as you remember.

Yeonjun

iMessage

The notification slides down from the top of your screen and you quickly click it to get yourself out of the mild stalking you’re doing.

Fancy some more ice cream?

You smile at the message and then look at the time on your phone. It reads 11:24.

Kinda late to be getting ice cream, don’t you think?

His response bubble pops up almost immediately after your message is delivered.

We went out at like

2 am last time

You scoff and tap away at your phone.

We didn’t have work the next morning lol

Yeonjun replies quickly.

So? We won’t be long. I’ll pick you up in 20 mins

You roll your eyes at him, wondering how he manages to be so cute yet so annoying. Still, you get up and put on some shorts and a t-shirt.

Your adventures with Yeonjun have become normal in the last month or so. Even though he is increasingly flirtatious with you, he likes to keep what you do together private. No one at work knows of how the first team dinner kicked off a potential situationship with the man. It’s a little exhilarating. It makes you feel younger.

You’d like to think it’s a little game; there is obvious tension between him and you, but you are not going to be the one to make the first move, given your history, and, apparently, neither is he. Whoever gives in first? Well…

You’ll get to that part when you get there.

You also find that it is much too difficult to ignore the fact that you are afraid of what Hoseok would think of you finally getting into another relationship after all these years. Even as you walk out of your door and take the elevator to meet Yeonjun in the lobby, you quickly remedy the thought with a correction- you are afraid of what your Chief Supervisor would think of two of his employees getting into a relationship.

“There she is.” Yeonjun stands by the door and smiles at you, raising his hand to offer you the smallest of waves.

You smile back. “Here I am.”

The two of you head to his car in the warm spring night, giggling like teenagers when you resume your efforts of trying to trip each other. You finally get into the car with slight tears in your eyes from how hard you were laughing when his face was graced with a look of shock after actually stumbling.

You can feel the chemistry as he drives. You feel the attraction. He is undoubtedly handsome as he props an arm up on the steering wheel and hums along with the song playing on his stereo. If all of his flirtations are evidence of it, you think that he just might have feelings for you.

Maybe you can develop some for him too.

Rita’s stares back at you as the two of you pull up to the establishment. A short line of people stand in front of the window where a young girl serves her customers. She looks like she’s still in high school. You glance down and unbuckle your seatbelt as the brief thought of I remember being that young skates across your mind.

Everything is routine at this point; Yeonjun waits at the front of his car for you, you smile at him and he smiles at you excitedly- ‘gosh, it’s really nice to be doing this with you’- and you walk up to the line together. The place is always busier on Friday nights.

But then a wrench is thrown into your routine.

Yeonjun’s arm encircles your waist when the two of you stop at the back of the line. There’s hesitation in the way he does it. You can feel it in the way his fingers just barely feather against your hip, pull away, and then press completely down so that they can fully hold you.

It’s impossible to stop your head from looking up at him in surprise. Although it’s not the reaction you think he wanted you to have, you try to play it off by arching an eyebrow at him.

“Getting a little brave, are we?” You tease.

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

His response is smooth and quick. The way he lowered his voice to say it makes your heart lurch in your chest and your breathing falter for just a moment. How exciting.

Countless customers are served and, before you know it, you’re standing at the front and ordering alongside Yeonjun. A brief argument about who will pay and you begrudgingly letting him hand over his card later, you leave the window with him stuck to your side.

As you wait for your orders, he keeps his arm around your waist. It’s almost instinct for you to place your hand to his stomach because of how close you are to him. You can’t let him be the only one that proceeds forward now that he’s made a move. Another boundary has been passed and it’s your turn to meet the new one.

Yeonjun’s heart beats against your fingertips, strongly and surely pulsing below his skin. He’s warm and comfortable in your embrace. Being so close to him, so cozy, has you feeling a type of excitement that you haven’t felt since…

Hoseok.

The thought of him turns you cold instantly. You don’t have the slightest clue as to why it feels like his name breaks you out of a stupor- what about your current situation makes you stupid?

When the young girl calls Yeonjun’s name for the order, you detach from him quickly. For whatever reason, you can’t stay near him after thinking about your ex. It feels wrong.

You know that the sensation of being with Yeonjun opens you up to a potential relationship with him- if nothing else, a friend with benefits situation that can take care of your needs- so why doesn’t it feel right?

Even as Yeonjun looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, confused with why you’re rushing away from him, you wince- a confirmation that something is up. You’ve never been one to conceal your emotions well- you faced hell for it during your time in the military.

When you walk back over to him with your orders in hand, he still has the same look of perplexity on his face.

“You okay?” He asks.

You were expecting the question. It doesn't make answering it any easier, though.

"I..." You trail. "I don't know."

His eyes get a little wide and he clasps his hands together nervously. "D-did I... Did I make you uncomfortable?"

Quickly, you rush to comfort his worries. "No no, you didn't." You take a breath to try calming yourself so that you can organize your raging thoughts. "I'm just... thinking about some things."

"Some... things..." Yeonjun echoes what you've just said with puzzlement. Enough time has passed since you were served that his order of mint chocolate ice cream begins to melt just slightly. "Are they things I should be worried about?"

A burst of courage suddenly hits you. Without worrying any more about it, you grab his free hand and pull him away from the crowded area so that you can gain some privacy with the conversation.. "Yeonjun? I'm going to be honest with you."

"Okay..." He��s visibly confused as he raises his ice cream to his lips and licks up some of the dripping cream.

"But first," You say, taking a breath. It’s now or never.

“I need you to kiss me.”

Even as you say the words, you’re surprised that you actually say them aloud. The look of shock on his face is replicated with your own because neither of you were expecting to hear it.

“W-what?”

“Please,” you rush. “Just kiss me.”

“Y/N… not that I don’t want to,” You think he looks mildly horrified by your statement as he sits on the curb. “But why?”

“Because I-” You cut yourself off and go to sit down beside him, trying to figure out how to say what you want to say and panicking a little when no words come out. “- because-”

The sound of stuttering brings back the concerned look on his face. Your mild freak out has obviously made him uneasy.

“Hey,” He leans forward and grabs ahold of your hand in his. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to tell me now, okay? I’m just not sure I want our first kiss to be something that you need. I want you to want it.”

Yeonjun’s words stop your blazing path of courage in its spot. Do you want to kiss him?

You’ll give it to him; Yeonjun is hot. His blonde hair falls over beautifully brown eyes and frames his face when it stops right at his cheekbones. You think he looks like he could be in a movie when he slicks his hair back for work.

His lips are kissable. They’re full and plump and so pink as he stands and stares at you in expectation. No matter how much you can see the possibility of kissing him in your head, though, you’re left wondering- do you want that possibility to become a reality?

It could possibly remove you of the leftover feelings you have for Hoseok. You know that people get into relationships to get over old ones everyday; are you the type of person who needs a new guy to move on?

On the other end of the spectrum, kissing him could prove to you that you haven’t truly moved on from Hoseok.

Desperately, you want to find out, so- yes- you want to kiss him.

“Yeonjun,”

You whisper his name and place your hand over his. His fingers dig into your skin lightly and you scoot closer to him to remove the extra space. When he looks down at you headily, you press your chest to his. “I want you to kiss me.”

His free hand is slow to move. It skates up your side and gently cups your jaw to accompany his face as he leans in.

“Are you sure?”

His question is whispered mere inches away from your lips. Within the few moments he used to lean in, you started holding your breath. You don’t know why, though. Are you excited? Or nervous?

Rather than think about it any longer, you bring back your potent burst of intrepidity.

You barely get the ‘I’m sure’ out before you’re wrapping your arms around his neck and closing the remaining distance.

Yeonjun's lips are soft as they smash up against yours and you have to sigh at the sensation. He’s warm, embrace tight and secure, as he pulls you against him, and his breath tastes like mint chocolate. Although you don’t particularly favor his flavor of ice cream, it tastes wonderful when he slips his tongue onto the edge of your bottom lip to lave against it.

Yeonjun lets his hand on your face drop to your bent knee and squeezes it gently while he moves his lips against yours. Your heart rate picks up and your spine tingles with excitement because it's everything you’ve ever wanted in a first kiss with someone.

But that's just what it is- a kiss with someone.

Your body reacts naturally to having intimate, physical contact with a human being, but you realize that butterflies don't fill your stomach. Your thighs clench together with lust, but there is no passion. The possibilities of a future with this man are hardly there as he lowly grunts.

In this moment of time, where you share your breaths with someone who isn’t Jung Hoseok, you can’t help but feel like it is the most unnatural thing in the universe.

No one can make you feel the same and, because you kissed Yeonjun, you know for sure now- you're still not over Hoseok.

In your study of the kiss, you fail to reciprocate his lips' movements and go still. He must notice that your fervor is gone because his rhythm against you drastically slows.

Deliberately but surely, Yeonjun pulls away with a satisfied exhale on his lips and his eyes fluttering open. You can tell from the way he looks at you dreamily that he felt a lot more in the kiss than you did.

As you part your lips to take a breath, you feel how well-kissed they are. They tingle, and remnants of mint chocolate still sit on your lips when you lick them. Damn, he's a pretty good kisser. It’s shallow to think it, but you figure it’s your mind’s way of trying to soothe yourself.

"So," he whispers. You look at him with your hands still around his neck, unsure of how to handle the revelation. "I'm not the one, huh?"

The question burns your chest and makes you feel so guilty that you let your lips part to take an exhale of shocked shame. It’s so heavy and cumbersome that your heart breaks for him that very moment.

You lean your forehead against his and close your eyes while you try to sort out your thoughts.

“Yeonjun…” You hesitate again. It’s becoming more difficult to speak. “I…”

He pulls away to put his hand back on your cheek and thumb over your cheekbone.

“Is there someone else?”

You wince sheepishly. "Not exactly. It's... It's complicated."

Yeonjun chuckles at your words and slowly relaxes his hold on you. "I see. So it's like that."

"It is." You stiffly nod to confirm his thoughts.

The man who sits in front of you has a disheartened smile on his lips. The look tears you apart because the last thing you wanted to do was hurt him. As much as you feel bad for him, though, you know that you can’t delay the inevitable.

"Thank you."

Yeonjun expresses his gratefulness lowly and removes his arm from around you so that he can lean away and pick up his abandoned ice cream. Guilt and confusion still prevent you from doing the same.

"For what?" you ask.

Thoughtfully, he chews on his ice cream and then looks at you with a click of his tongue.

"For being honest with me." His smile turns crooked as he regards you. "It saved me from a lot of hurt."

His statement wasn't meant to make you feel guilty you don't think- Yeonjun doesn't seem like the petty type- yet you feel the ugliness of the sensation pressing on your chest like a truck. It makes the task of breathing just that much harder.

"Yeonjun, I'm-"

"Don't apologize." He cuts you off and places a hand on your shoulder.

"But, Yeonjun-"

"No ‘buts’, Y/N. I’m already so lucky that you even gave me a chance."

Suddenly, you look at him, feeling even more horrible because the compliment manages to actually flatter you. He’s too kind for his own good.

“Oh, come on, Jun. It’s not all that.”

Yeonjun smiles and looks at the ground with a blush on his cheeks.

“It is, though,” he says. “All of us at the office know how amazing you are. Soobin, Chanyeol, Mr. Jung-” You choke and splutter in shock from the unexpected name. With a quirked and worried eyebrow, he trails off. “-Mark… Y/N, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You clear your throat and pump your fist to your chest a few times to try assisting your struggle. “Just choked on my spit a little.”

“O… kay…” He shakes his head and continues. “As I was saying, all the guys think you’re an amazing woman. They talk about you all the time.”

“Even Hoseok?”

Oh fuck. You were not supposed to fucking say that.

In a panic, your eyes widen as he narrows his at you.

"Is he the one who's making it complicated?"

You’re rushing to mend your slip up before you can even think about it.

“No! No. Uh…” You swallow thickly. “I was just wondering because- uh…” Shit. Think of something. “… because he’s our Chief Supervisor! It’s a little weird. Heh.” Nervously, you laugh, applauding yourself for coming up with something so quick. Once you finish laughing, you search his eyes to see if he’s bought your excuse.

Yeonjun’s face is unmoving for a moment, his eyes still picking you apart like you are an unsolved mystery, and it makes your heart leap away with anxiety.

Then, his face relaxes and he chuckles. “Well, yeah. Even Mr. Jung talks about you.”

You can’t press any further into the topic of your ex because it would allow Yeonjun to see right through your lie.

“That’s so weird,” you say instead. You need to make the conversation general again. “All of you talk about me?”

“Yep.” He struggles to answer you past his new mouthful of ice cream. “Ever since they saw me flirting with you at that team dinner.”

“Oh, good god.” You accidentally snort as you cover your face with your hand. “It’s been that long?”

Again, he takes a mouthful. “Mhm. ‘ou should sh-ee how much Chan-eol and Mish’ter Jung tal’ abou- ‘ou.” He swallows the melted dessert. “They’re like teenagers in high school.”

“What do they say?”

You ask the question with curiosity and hope bubbling up in your chest like fragile butterflies that have been blown away countless times before. They shudder under the weight of the pressure that the memories cause. It’s hard to forget what has happened to them over the years.

“Well, they talk about your work ethic a lot. And how you look extra beautiful when you’re working hard.”

The comment shocks you. You were prepared to hear something about your physical appearance, so when you hear Yeonjun point out something that’s not exactly physical- as you expected from a group of men- you become pleasantly surprised.

“Really?”

“You get this look on your face when you focus,” he says thoughtfully. “Your eyebrows kinda come together and everything. It’s really pretty.”

You become flushed and duck your head to begin eating your own dessert as something to occupy your facial features.

As flustered as you are by Yeonjun’s compliments, you find it’s hard to think about them when you've just been told that Jung Hoseok talks about you like he's not your ex-fiancé.

"Thanks, Jun…"

There’s an uneasy feeling that comes with the knowledge. It’s hard to think with people around you. After a beat, you speak your need.

"Actually… Can you take me home?”

He winces. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"You didn't..." you say, stressing the first word so that he knows you are actually uncomfortable. "But I think I'd like to be alone for the rest of the night. It's getting late anyway."

"I understand."

Yeonjun gets up and gives a few brushes to his backside to remove his shorts of any dirt that might be clinging there.

Your ice cream, forgotten, sits on the pavement as you walk back towards the car. Your mind is too muddled to remember it.

Yeonjun frowns, picks it up, and tosses it into the nearby trash can.

Now that you know to look, you can feel his eyes on you as you pour yourself another cup of coffee in the break room.

It’s your third one today. Wait, is it the fourth? Or fifth? You’d like to think that the reasoning behind you losing count is because of how focused you are on your work, but you know that the coffee has been unnecessary since the second cup. There’s no way around the fact that you’ve lost count because you keep getting cups so that you can see him put his eyes on you.

Since Yeonjun told you of your obvious influence on the men of the office, you’ve been especially watchful of whose eyes linger on you. It’s quite difficult, at first, until you realize that they all manage to avert their gazes just fast enough when you let yourself search.

But his eyes- Hoseok’s- they linger just the slightest bit too long. It’s long enough for you to see that he is looking at you with with a blank expression on his face. You expected curiosity or distaste- hate, even- but his face is almost devoid of any emotion. It’s certainly beginning to throw you off.

It throws you off so much that you pour the coffee until it spills over the sides of your mug.

“Shit,” you mutter and back away from the edge of the counter as it threatens to spill over onto the floor.

“Whoa there,” a familiar voice says from behind you. You turn to look at who you know to be Yeonjun lurking behind you. “What happened here?”

You sigh in frustration and turn to face him after putting the cup down. “Just kind of lost myself for a second and stopped paying attention.”

He smiles softly and reaches past you to grab some of the napkins from the dispenser. “Here, let me help.”

The two of you begin sopping up the spilled coffee and you keep your eyes down while the heat of embarrassment rises on your cheeks. Yeonjun tries to reassure you that what’s happened is nothing, ‘relax, babe,’ yet you can’t help but feel mortified that you made such a slip in front of your Chief Supervisor- in front of your ex-fiancé.

Once the coffee is cleaned, you both turn to toss the napkins in your hands into the trash can.

Thunk!

Yeonjun’s shoulder bumps into your forehead as he turns towards you at the same time that you turn towards him. You immediately shoot your hand up to soothe the dull ache that the force has incited and the man is quick to do the same to comfort you.

“Oh fuck,” He grabs onto your shoulder and leans down to look into your downturned face. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re good.” You wince, rubbing your forehead affectionately. It only takes a brief moment for you to remember that someone else has seen the entire interaction and you quickly jerk your head in the direction of where you know him to be standing.

Brown eyes no longer train your figure. In fact, he has completely left the break room.

His absence leaves a terribly noticeable emptiness in your chest.

Glasses clink together and beers slightly spill over the edges from the contact. A chorus of cheers accompany the movement.

“Congrats, team! Another fiscal for the books!”

Hoseok smiles brightly as he regards his team, loving every moment of the camaraderie. He lets his eyes sweep over every member who bring their glasses to their lips and watches as each one takes sips and gulps of the golden beverage.

“Chug! Chug! Chug!”

The man’s attention is drawn to his accounting manager, Yeonjun, as he continues to gulp when everyone else has ceased. As soon as he sees Yeonjun, though, he also sees you egging him on with the most excited of smiles on your face.

Hoseok can’t help but try to distract himself with the bitter taste of the beer.

He hates the idea of the two of you, but rumors about how you began spending time with the younger man started circulating the office ages ago. It's an unavoidable truth now.

He sees the way Yeonjun makes you happy; he noticed the way you became no longer interested in anything to do with himself mere weeks after you first started; Hoseok grew to accept that you no longer loved him long before he, himself, had begun to lose those feelings.

Just one more hug.

You gave the best hugs in his opinion.

Even as you lean into Yeonjun while he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, Hoseok can’t think of anything but being able to wrap his arms around you and pull you to him one more time. You had this habit of giggling whenever he picked a random moment to encase you in his embrace and he used to revel in the feeling of your body vibrating with happiness against his own.

Now, he begs for the sensation.

If he were brave, he’d throw all caution to the wind and march right over to you so that he could feel your hug again. He would press his nose into your neck and crush you to him like he wants whilst everyone else watches their boss crumble below your fingertips.

But he’s not brave. He’s a fucking coward. Hoseok proved the statement to himself when he cancelled his engagement and broke up with you.

He was too much of a coward to handle your lifestyle. He wasn’t brave enough to continue loving you even after the fact because he wasn’t able to charge through the obstacles that came with loving someone in the military. Worst of all, he was too much of a chicken to approach you on the night of the New Years’ party. He was so ashamed that he couldn’t even look at you.

So he dyed his hair flame orange.

Don’t get him wrong- he definitely likes the style- but he wouldn’t do something crazy like that on a normal day and he could definitely think of a few other aesthetic things he could do to his body to make you look at him.

Maybe an eyebrow piercing. Maybe a lip piercing. Hoseok doubled back on those thoughts when he thought about their more permanent- and painful- consequences.

So he ended up dying his hair. He did it so that you’d have to instinctually look at the strong color; so that you’d have to look at him first.

He also got himself a girlfriend. Maybe it would spur the jealousy in you so that he could know for sure if you still cared or not.

To say that his plan worked was the truth- you undoubtedly eyed his hair when he stepped in front of you after Laci approached you- but you didn’t look at him in the way that he wanted you to. In fact, you almost seemed to dote on his relationship like a proud mother. The notion made him frustrated.

Because you were happy for him; he didn’t want you to be happy for him. He’s usually so good at keeping his emotions concealed from those around him, but when he had Laci on his side and your happy eyes driving him further into the ground, he couldn’t help but feel the guilt of a thousand criminals weighing on his psyche.

That’s what he is, anyway. A criminal. He had no right to do what he did to you.

Hoseok is very aware of the pain he caused you on the night that he left you and he is also conscious of the fact that you felt that pain for a very long time from the way Namjoon had explained it. He’d heard through the grape vine that you stopped talking to the guys as often as you used to and that you had been in a handful of reckless situations after the breakup. For crying out loud, you’d apparently gotten fucking shot.

It seems that that stage of your life has long been over, though.

You sit so content now, next to Yeonjun, and you have a beautiful smile on your lips that displays just how much you’ve grown since being his fiancé.

He hates the idea of you with someone else now but he loves the idea of you being content. When you left the New Years’ party, he knew that any future he had with you was over and done with. It didn’t matter that you were retiring- any hope he might have had to maybe be yours again was long gone.

Like he did at many of the team dinners before, Hoseok gets up with jealousy pushing his anger to the visible surface. His chair scrapes loudly against the floor despite the loud commotion of the occupants in the restaurant and he can feel the eyes of his employees on him as he begins stalking angrily away.

The bathroom at this place has become his sanctuary by this point. He finds that he makes an escape to it every time they come here after work. His own little solitude, away from the chaos that you bring into his mind at these dinners, serves as the perfect oasis to calm him down.

Hoseok follows the corridor down to where the single bathroom sits nudged into the center, under a lone ceiling light, and he goes to grab the brass knob but finds it locked.

Sighing heavily, he leans against the wall and tips his head back with his eyes closed in wait. Many things cross his mind now that he's separated himself from the loudness of the team dinner.

Unsure of how much time has gone by, he blames the lengthy silence for how much he jumps when the door finally opens and RaKeisha steps out.

“Mr. Jung?“

He smiles quickly to cover up the unsound state of his mind.

"You took your time,” he jokes.

The woman steps out from the bathroom slowly, unsurely, and he can tell from the way she slightly missteps that the alcohol has begun to affect her equilibrium.

"I'm sorry, sir. I was just trying to freshen up a little."

"Don't fret, Kei. I was just messing around. And how many times must I tell you to call me Hoseok at these functions?"

She giggles lightly and begins to walk forward. "At least once more, Mr. Jung."

Suddenly, she stumbles, and he instinctively rushes to catch her.

Hoseok grunts with effort as she spills into his arms heavily. Her hands fly desperately to assist in catching herself and she makes a small sound- a squeak- as she was preparing to meet her end.

He's able to steady her after a few struggle-filled moments and he's thankful that he acted quick enough to keep her from tumbling onto the floor.

“Are you okay?” He asks, looking down at her worriedly.

She chuckles sheepishly with embarrassment.

“I am.”

And then she looks up at him with those eyes.

Somehow, they look like yours.

Rakeisha’s skin complexion is much different from yours. Her eyebrows are shaped differently and her hair isn't the same. Overall, she looks nothing like you.

But the way she looks at him is the way you once did.

Rakeisha's eyes are wide and undeniably beautiful as she looks up at him and he can't help but only see you as her face gets close to his. Your nose, your lips, your eyelashes; you stare up at him as he stares down at you.

“Hoseok,” you whisper in the voice that isn't yours. His heart gallops away in his chest as he scrambles to clear his mind of the illusion. His arms tighten around the body that isn't yours, yet his mind remembers exactly what it was like to hold you so intimately.

And then you lean in. And so does he.

Hoseok kisses the lips that aren't yours as if they are, clutching tightly onto you so that he can pour out everything he feels for you to let you know he wanted to come back to you. He really did. And now, it’s too late.

But then, you gasp. The real you gasps.

He thinks he imagines it as he feels his adrenaline pump in his veins and his heart hammer away in his chest. Maybe you feel it when he tightens his arms around you and pulls you so that your chest presses against his own. He wants you to feel everything.

But then, the illusion is gone and it is RaKeisha who still stands fused to his body. You are not the one he holds like his life depends on it. He’s not holding the one who truly makes him happy.

Hoseok turns to look at your wide, shocked eyes with RaKeisha still chasing after his lips in his arms.

Looking back, continuing to hang out with Yeonjun whilst knowing that he wanted to be with you may not have been your wisest decision.

The both of you agreed that you did not want anything like that- it's purely friendship at this point- but you can't help the shame that comes with yet another failed attempt at moving on. It's now been almost four years since the separation and you've failed every time you tried again.

But when you see Hoseok storm off to the bathroom yet again, you can't help the small itch at the back of your mind that tells you that it could be because of you.

You want your presence to irritate him. You want him to be bothered by the fact that you're being friendly with another guy. The idea of making Hoseok jealous is much too enticing to resist.

Is this yet another red flag?

Meh.

The likelihood that his jealousy stems from being without you is extremely minuscule- if not nonexistent. It's a lot more likely that he's jealous of you.

He's also failed at getting into another relationship since Laci and it might have torn him up a lot more than he lets on. And, although the two of them are no longer together, you tend to catch yourself comparing yourself to her on occasion.

The dinner continues without your Chief Supervisor and people begin to get antsy because of his absence. A few of the younger employees get a little out of hand and the older ones wonder where he is so that he can instill some professionalism back into the group.

You volunteer to go check on him without thinking twice about it. Must be the beer.

You leave the large room, following Hoseok’s path, and look down at the floor unconsciously so that you can walk straighter. Part of you wonders if he’s actually using the bathroom or if he’s just sitting in there shutting himself away like he does when he’s overcome with emotion.

When you look up, the hallway to the bathroom is dark yet the door to it is lit by the ceiling light right above it like a spotlight. It allows you to see the silhouettes of two people entangled with each other. Immediately, you recognize the shape of Hoseok’s hair draped over whoever he is bound to. It falls just long enough to touch her forehead.

He grunts softly and his arms tighten around whoever he’s with as you get closer, yet your steps are losing the speed they were at before because you realize that your heart is quickly crumbling to the floor.

When you get close enough, you pick out the locks on RaKeisha’s head dangling down. Hoseok holds her to him so tightly that her back is forced to bow her body into him.

You couldn’t stop the gasp from leaving your lips if you tried. The sight punches a hole in your chest and the air from your lungs.

They don’t move at the sound of your breath, yet they detach from each other quickly after another beat of heated kissing and tightening arms. As if they convey ‘I don’t want to let you go.’ Your emotions are a maelstrom in your head and the chaos makes it seem like things move in slow motion.

Hoseok brings his hand up to thumb at the corner of his lips. RaKeisha adjusts her shirt back over her stomach because it had somehow ridden up over her waist while they were kissing.

“Y/N-” she starts, swallowing thickly. “I- uh-”

Even though you know you shouldn’t be, you feel extremely petty and unnaturally jealous of her as you wait for her to spout some nonsense to you. She’s your friend, yet the audacity she had to kiss your ex-fiancé- even though she didn’t know about your history with him at all- temporarily wipes you of common sense.

“Y/N,” Hoseok speaks instead, out of breath and donning an extremely guilty look on his face. It’s too dark to tell, but you’re almost one hundred percent sure that he’d look pale if you could see him properly.

“It’s not what it looks like.”

You have to resist the urge to roll your eyes. The pettiness has left a bitter taste on your tongue and a block of ice in place of your heart. It prevents you from putting any effort towards trying to understand the situation because- oh, for fuck’s sake- it’s obvious that it is exactly what it looks like.

“I didn’t ask,” you say. Okay, maybe you drank a bit more than you thought. You’re not usually this short with people.

Hoseok hesitates for a moment while RaKeisha ducks her head and books it. The retreat leaves you alone with him.

“Okay.” His voice is lowered by the uncertainty in it.

You respond almost automatically. “Okay.”

He stands there, head lowered, and purses his lips while you stare at him observantly. He can’t seem to meet your eyes because of how you’re looking at him. Good, you muse. You hope he feels small.

“Well,” You suck in a breath, bring your lips between your teeth, and begin to turn away. “I’m going back to the dinner.”

“Y/N-” He stumbles forward as he reaches out. “Wait.”

“Why the fuck would I wait for you?” It’s too easy for the question to come spilling out and it comes out too fast for you to at least control the way you ask it. You turn to look at him with your anger finally exposed on your face and he recoils and pulls his hand back to his side as if the question has burned him. Red hot rage boils in your blood and controls your words. “You couldn’t wait for me.”

He opens his mouth and then closes it because you know that he has absolutely nothing to say. You are right and he knows it.

Instead of speaking to further the conversation any more, you begin walking away.

His fingers wrap around your arm in a crushing grip and yank you back in such a direction that your back thumps against the wall. A dull ache resounds from where your shoulder blades came into contact with it. The action alone makes you want to fight him because of how he thinks he just has the right to touch you.

“What the fuck, Hoseok!” You hiss and raise your arm to rip it from his grasp.

“Just-” He raises his hands up in surrender, obviously apologetic, and looks away from you. “Just stop-” He grits his teeth, balls his hands into fists, and drops them to his sides. “- stop leaving me.”

“What the hell do you mean?” You bite. It feels good to cuss so much at him. “What else am I supposed to do?”

Angrily, you poke your finger into his chest to accentuate your words. “You left me, asshole.”

He sighs harshly and leans into you with his hand on the wall despite the aggression in your actions. Unconsciously, your hands come up and fold in front of your chest at the new closeness.

“That wasn’t- it wasn’t-” He bares his teeth in frustration and then licks his lips, struggling. “It didn’t end how I wanted it to.”

You scoff in disbelief. “Look, Hoseok. What we had is over with. It has been for years.” It hurts you to say it. “But what still hurts is the fact that you wanted it to end.”

He slams his hand against the wall twice, shaking his head vehemently. “No, no! Not like that! I didn’t wa-”

But you don’t want to hear what he has to say. You’re done with his excuses. “I’m not who I used to be, so don’t give me that.”

He goes quiet again, letting you speak.

“But thank you for everything. Genuinely, thank you. You were the best and worst thing that ever happened to me and I’m grateful that you did what you did because it allowed me to grow.”

He’s incredibly silent as you conclude your interaction. “I’m done with this conversation.”

And you walk away, leaving him in the dark hallway.

Hey! Thanks for reading! Part two will be out soon!