#how much does it cost to maintain a website

[grocito]

फ्री में ईकॉमर्स वेबसाइट कैसे बनाएं | जयपुर विक्रेता हमसे संपर्क करे

क्या आप "मुफ़्त वेबसाइट कैसे बनाएं" ढूंढ रहे हैं, आज ही जयपुर में अपने ऑनलाइन स्टोर के लिए "ग्रोसिटो" पर जाएँ।

[audliminal]

Survivability Bias Pt 1

Masterpost - Ao3

Danny stares at the screen in front of him. The fact that he’s in a library is the only reason he’s not squealing at the clearly well-maintained website he’s currently exploring. As it turns out, this dimension does have NASA. That fact on its own isn’t too terribly surprising, considering all the other ways it’s similar to Danny’s home. What is surprising (and, in no small part, exciting!), is that in this dimension NASA seems to have much better funding. Danny had managed to resist looking up anything related to space for the first hour of his time in the library, but then Danny had chanced across an article about the ISS, and his resolve had crumbled. Not even fifteen minutes later, and Danny is here, exploring the very nice NASA website. Plumbing its depths, really, for all the information it can provide on what space is like in this world.There’s lots of new information; space research is definitely more advanced here than it was back home, and there’s occasional vague allusions to odd things like the livability of Mars, and other oddities, it’s almost like this dimension has come to the forgone conclusion that aliens must exist. Which is certainly an exciting thought, but it also seems odd to Danny. What divergent experiences lead to such a conclusion Danny wonders, as he absently hovers over the opportunities tab for the fifth time. He knows he really shouldn’t get his hopes up, but with a more funded NASA, maybe he could find a way to get a job there eventually. After all he has no real idea when, or even if, he’ll ever manage to go home, so maybe it’s okay to think about the future a little bit.

Maybe they’ve already come into contact with aliens, Danny thinks. Maybe I could get a job working with aliens! It’s that thought that gets him to actually click the tab, desperate to know if that’s even a possibility. The page that opens doesn’t really list specific jobs or anything. Mostly, it seems to just be advertising that NASA is always looking for smart people that are passionate about space (Danny’s definitely one of those things, at least). But there is an interesting little banner advertising a special summer camp for aspiring astronomers, ages 14-18. The idea of that is both surprising and exciting. Danny doesn’t think his home world’s NASA had anything like that. Sam had sent him through with some money, but he’s still unsure if it’ll even work here, and he’s also not sure he wants to risk getting in trouble if it’s just a really close match. Plus it’s definitely not enough to afford the inevitable cost of a whole entire space camp. Danny remembers going to summer camps a couple times as a kid and he knows they weren’t cheap. Still, Danny remembers that Sam had also given him a few pieces of really nice jewelry that he could pawn off for cash, and maybe that could let him afford it?.

It would be so much easier if Danny had a social security number. Or, like, literally anything proving that he really does exist. But, well, technically he doesn’t exist here. Obviously, physically he is here, but he certainly wasn’t born here. He’s basically an undocumented immigrant, just from a place that he literally can’t ever physically go back to. Even the computer he’s using right now highlights just how alien this place is to him, with its large, flat screen and graphics better than anything he’s ever seen in his life. It runs so smoothly, too, that he just knows Tucker would cry if he could see it. And this is what they have in a library. Danny can’t even begin to imagine what high end tech here might look like.

Everything here is strange and new, and Danny doesn’t even really know what he needs to catch up on. He wishes he could have stayed. He had wanted to stay. Of course he had. But after the second time the Guys in White managed to capture him, well, it wasn’t hard to see why they wanted him gone. So when Sam and Tucker and Jazz had cornered him, and explained that they’d found a way to send him away, to somewhere that the GIW couldn’t follow, he hadn’t argued. He hadn’t argued when they dragged him down to the lab, and he hadn’t argued when Jazz shoved a backpack into his hands, and he hadn’t argued when Sam had told him that she’d added cash and jewelry to what Jazz had gathered. He hadn’t argued as Tucker had messed with the portal, and he hadn’t argued when they pushed him towards it.

He can’t go home. Maybe just for a while, but maybe not ever again. He can’t see his friends, and he can’t go to sleep in his own bed, and he can’t come home from school and play Doomed with Sam and Tucker. But maybe all that wouldn’t be so terribly painful, if he could just have one little thing here that he couldn’t have done back home. Danny knows it’s a long shot, but he clicks on the banner, just to see.

The first thing he notices as he reads through the description, is that it offers a lot. Eight weeks, overnight in a specialized science camp facility, an opportunity to experience both a shuttle launch simulation and a zero gravity simulator? The opportunity to experience multiple different kinds of jobs? This isn’t some camp that wants to introduce kids to the idea of astronomy, this is designed for kids who already want to be astronomers. All in all, it’s everything Danny could have imagined and more. It’s not exactly cheap, though. Five thousand dollars isn’t exactly affordable when all you have is some cash that may or not work, and a few necklaces, fancy as they may be. After all, it’s not like Danny knows enough about jewelry to have even a hope of not being ripped off.

At the bottom of the description, there is mention of scholarships, though, and maybe if he angles it right, he can manage to make use of one of those? Danny glances through the list. He doubts he can prove himself worth the aptitude scholarship. His grades weren’t exactly good back home, even if he did have his transcripts. And he’s hardly going to get the financial hardship scholarship if he’s got no proof that he even exists here. One of the scholarships catches his eye, though, specifically because he has no idea what it’s for. 

Danny knows the word meta. It’s like self-referential shit or something. But it’s not exactly a scientific thing. That’s language arts stuff, the kind of thing Mr. Lancer goes on about, and there should be no reason for it to be a kind of scholarship. But maybe it’s an acronym or something? Danny mouses over, and clicks through to see what exactly it is, even if it probably won’t be relevant to him.

“Here at NASA we understand that people don’t always fit our standard expectations of normality!” The meta scholarship page reads. Danny tries not to let his hackles go up at the mention of normality. They can’t possibly be talking about people like him, after all. Nothing he’s seen so far has implied that ghosts have any sort of presence here. “In our efforts to expand our understanding of the infinite expanse of space, it only makes sense to do our best to work with those who do not conform to those expectations, especially when those exceptions often represent unique opportunities for possible field work. If you identify as a meta, and believe your talents make you uniquely suited to extreme environments, we welcome you to apply for our full-expense meta scholarship!*”

The introductory paragraph only leaves Danny more confused, and a bit wary. The references to normality and unique opportunities for field work have bile rising into Danny’s throat, and he shakily opens a new tab, and types the word meta into the search bar. If they’re experimenting on people here too-

The search returns an astonishing number of results. Among the first ones are a wikipedia article on metas, and so many news articles. Danny clicks on the wikipedia page first.

“Metas refers to an individual who possesses meta powers. Derived from the prefix “meta-”, meaning beyond or transcending, meta powers are innately defined by the natural capabilities of the general population. Thus, on Earth, the term meta, or metahuman, typically refers to anyone who has abilities beyond the standard human experience. A significant portion of metas can be attributed to the human metagene,  which typically triggers in moments of intense physical or mental stress, and can produce unique situational abilities. Other metas, may belong to other species who naturally have certain abilities, or to individuals who are granted powers by various deific forces or even objects.”

What.

It can’t possibly be that easy. This world can’t possibly be that perfect. Danny keeps reading. He realizes as he continues that this article is long, with literally dozens of subsections. On top of that, as he begins to read, there are references to numerous other events, and topics that he’s never heard of before. And by the time the librarian arrives to usher him out of the library for the night, he still isn’t finished with it, but he has learned quite a bit.

Apparently, it isn’t exactly as perfect as it sounded. Rather, this dimension has a long history of meta-related conflict. There’s been plenty of discrimination and mistreatment in the past; the kind of thing that Danny is more than familiar with. But on top of that, there’s literal, actual superheroes here. A lot of them. Superheroes that have fought against numerous world-ending threats and won. And those same superheroes have worked with the world governments, and ratified the protection of metas’ rights as being fundamental human rights. If Wikipedia is to be believed, Danny really is safe.

Still, Danny knows first-hand the way that governments can and will lie. And just because the internet claims that these so-called metas are treated fairly, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true. 

Propaganda, Danny thinks. Who’s to say it isn’t all just propaganda? I need to be more careful about transforming tonight.

But the library does need to close, so Danny heads out into the second night in his new hometown, mind racing as he thinks about the implications of everything he’s read. The space camp seems so far away now, in the aftermath of the following revelations. Danny needs to get further from civilization if he wants to transform tonight. He follows the main street out, away from town. Maybe in a field somewhere, he’ll be okay? This doesn’t exactly seem like a large town. Even if it’s not true, Danny thinks as he walks. At least I’m not alone here. And I didn’t see anything about Anti-Ecto Acts.

[physalian]

If you're still defending ChatGPT please condsider the following

I feel like the angle of “fuck ChatGPT” that isn’t given enough attention is the traffic it draws away from the websites it’s ripping information from.

Now Google does this already. If you google anything now, Google’s “Search Labs AI Overview” will give you what you’re looking for summarized without having to scroll and click on various links.

Google has been up to some shady shit for years redirecting traffic. It used to just be a search engine—you used it to find the non-Google-owned websites that you needed. Now, though, Google is doing everything it can to keep you on Google.

If you search up a product, Google fills half the page with ad-placement links, image search results, the AI overview, Google reviews, and other noise so you stay with them.

Less traffic to the websites it’s ripping information from means those websites don’t get any profit for the information they’re providing, through ad revenue and such.

You might not care whether XYZ website makes money off you, but hosting and maintaining a website costs money, and if there’s no return on investment because search engines are gobbling it up, it’s that much harder for these businesses to stay afloat and not either bury their info under ads, or stick it behind a paywall.

Enter ChatGPT.

Remember when your teacher slandered Wikipedia to kingdom come? “Don’t use Wikipedia! It’s not a reliable source of information!”

Wikipedia, at the very least, demands sources for all of its information, and scroll to the bottom of any article to find exactly where the people who wrote it are getting their evidence.

Google might show you the most relevant link, one out of the thousands of possible search results. It’s foggy here so I googled a question about fog, and beneath the AI overview was a link to NOAA, for example.

ChatGPT goes one step farther. ChatGPT does not fact-check. All it does is answer your questions, but where it’s getting those answers and how correct those answers are, are pulled from the Internet. And if the Internet’s most popular results are wrong, ChatGPT isn’t going to care, it’s just going to regurgitate what those results are saying.

You still have to check your sources, but the difference is, now you don’t know who those sources are, or how biased their information is.

If I want to know the morality of declawing my cats, and I google “should I declaw my cats” I might get two very different answers. The ASPCA will tell you it’s harmful to the cats and animal abuse. “SuburbanBoomerCatMoms.net” (hypothetical) might tell you you gotta do it for the sake of your furniture and that outcry from the other side is just leftwing snowflake libtards.

Wikipedia will cite both of those sources (actually Wikipedia won’t give the second one any credence at all but hypothetically speaking). Google will show you the URL before you click it to both of those sources. ChatGPT will steal from both of those sources, not tell you it’s doing it, and present it as if both carry equal authority on animal care. Do you see the issue here?

Saying all of this because I know somebody who’s putting their medical information into ChatGPT to “translate” it for them.

Anyone who googles any symptom finds out pretty quick that “you have cancer” is a very popular and overblown answer. At this point I have to brush them off because arguing with them won’t change their mind.

So even if you don’t care about information diversity, sustained by giving those smaller websites traffic and revenue, you should care about the smoke and mirrors being very quickly normalized around hiding where information is coming from and making it that much harder to sort fact from fiction.

The Robot cannot be an unbiased source of information, because it is trained on the biases of the information it is scalping. It is your job, your responsibility, and your right to know and understand the ulterior motives behind what any one source is telling you.

[we-stan-the-stans-27]

Axolotl

So we all know about Frilliam, don't we? Ford's pet Axolotl, gifted to him by Fiddleford? In case you don't, here is the journal pages from the website (I think?) to remind you.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way. I was thinking about him today. Specifically about this picture:

I couldn't find the colorized version, but you get the idea. Stanley has a pet Axolotl, but this can't be Frilliam, because Ford released him into the creak!

Well, that's such a shame!

Except this doesn't make any sense. Why would Stanley go out and buy a rather expensive pet for himself? These journal pages are discarded, not part of the journal three.

Now, that doesn't make it impossible for Stanley to have found. Just unlikely.

The missing pages where likely destroyed, considering they returned after Weirdmageddon and the book was made whole. I bet those are the only pages Ford found the strength to burn, his pride and shame winning out over his need to maintain his research. Ever the egotistical man. (We love him)

No, I have a much sadder theory for why Stanley has Frilliam. Because I'm sure that must be the same fish, how could it not be?

My best guess is that, once again, its because of Fiddleford.

What if, hypothetically, Fiddleford found Frilliam back in the creak? Maybe the following spring (we're assuming he survived the winter) Fids was wondering around town, not in a very good state of mind. He didn't really remember Ford, but he got a piece of a memory. And that involved finding this little critter and delivering it...Somewhere.

He can't remember where, but grabs Frilliam in a bucket and just lets his feet lead until he gets to the shack, sets it down, and wanders back off into town, immediately lost again. Very sad.

In comes Stanley, coming outside probably in preparation for another tour or seeing the last one off-

And he finds the bucket, thinks its junk, until he sees the sad and poorly cared for little buddy at the bottom in some shitty water.

It looks so sad, maybe missing its tail, and looks like it might die!

So he brings it inside, because he does still have a tank, and gets him set up. He can't just leave it in a bucket to die, poor little thing. Stan's a little bit of a sucker, but he's also lonely. Sue him.

He can't rationalize having a dog or cat or much of anything. Those cost a lot of money because of the adoption fee, vet bills, and oh my god the food! Way too much if he plans on keeping the lights on and saving Stanford!

But a little lizard? It only costs a few extra cents to run the tank all the time. Barely noticeable. The food isn't much, and the stupid runt is kind of cute, so why not keep some company?

It'll either live, or die from its poor state.

Surprise, surprise. Stanley does such a good job it lives. For. Thirty. Years.

And Stan doesn't ever question how he ended up with an immortal pet that never gets worse despite not getting fed sometimes for weeks at a time. This is Gravity Falls! Weirder things have happened!

Just a theory, and a fun sad little snip-bit. I was just thinking about him today. I love him. So much. We where robbed of the Ford and Frilliam reunion after the portal. Wouldn't that be fun to write a one shot of? Stupid Ford. Realize your brother loves you! He even kept your stupid adorable dumb fish alive for three decades!? They make me mad.

[evermoreparkbadger]

Timestamped responses to Jenny Nicholson's new Patreon ramble about Evermore.

You'll have to be subbed to her Patreon to have any context for these, but Patreon is also pretty bad at sorting and finding comments so I'm reposting it here for a bit more visibility.

4:34 I hadn’t heard of him either, despite the fact that I was a performer during time he was supposedly a manager. This isn’t really surprising, ground-level employees scarcely received communication from or about anything above their department’s management.

6:55 Hi Bob! He was actually a cast member at Evermore for one season. This was after he had already been reporting on Evermore for a while, and AFAIK none of his content even during or after that period was endorsed by the park. I can attest he is as friendly and genuine in person as he is in his videos, and a great guy.

7:07 There were several others during the first few years. After Evermore announced in early 2021 that they were discontinuing all stories, quest, and characters they had done up until that point and changing to a more story-light experience, several of the most dedicated fans and frequent guests stopped engaging with the park, including any who made content about it.

8:32 Yeah. They did reorganize and lay people off several times, but only below a certain point in seniority. Obviously Ken himself and any business partners or investors that had any stake in the company maintained control. Though, if they ever “managed” anything, it was done in a very hands-off way and dictated through several layers of employees.

9:55 This kind of toxic positivity is rampant in Utah. Any type of criticism or discontent towards any leadership, usually rich, straight, white men, is highly frowned upon. Literally, in this case. The people who dare to express negative opinions or challenge the status quo (who are often not rich straight white men) are then viewed as problematic and practically shunned. Anyone who criticizes or challenges is bad, bad people are untrustworthy, therefore their criticisms and opinions are invalid.

10:23 Also strange since he did create a TTRPG company. If anything, I think that would qualify someone as a “nerd” themselves.

10:45 Exactly!

11:12 Ken held strong control over a lot of aspects of the park and the business, but it’s obviously far too big of an operation for one person to micro-manage so much of it. Another example is he wouldn’t let anyone change the Evermore website. It was commonly suggested to use the website as a way to communicate storylines and background information for new guests but it never happened. It’s unclear if Ken outright refused that, or if he didn’t mind the idea but wouldn’t do it himself or let anyone else have access to do it.

13:25 There were times when the food at the park was good. I don’t know if they were only able to have better food by cutting corners, operating without being under code, and then changed once they were under scrutiny (remember when one of the buildings lit on fire?), or if they just cut costs.

17:40 I think [Jenny is] probably right, and I don’t think this was the only time it or something similar happened. There were several times Ken would try to bring new money in, and sometimes people would bite-only to quickly back out after learning how bad the situation was.

18:50 That would require admitting fault or failure from park leadership, and thus would have never happened.

22:50 This aggravates me lol. Changing the official Facebook page name for the park changed all my “worked at” and tagged posts to say “Thecrookedlantern” instead of “Evermore Park” and it looks awful and drives me crazy.

23:30 I’m definitely biased here but I do think that some of the intellectual property that Ross now owns does have some value, or at least at one point had the potential to, but ironically it was all but abandoned after the aforementioned 2021 announcement. The worldbuilding and characters had their moments, and the Evermore Realms card game, while a relatively small project, was reportedly actually profitable for Evermore. There was an entire second set of cards designed and ready to print that never saw the light of day. Furthermore, even though Ross technically owns all the intellectual property from Evermore, he might not even be aware of most of it. Even if he was it probably wasn't properly archived anywhere. He’d have to dig through old employee emails Google Drives to piece it together, if that data even still exists or he has any way to access it, or rehire someone who worked on it to attempt to recreate it.

25:25 An Evermore property only designed to look nice and not actually facilitate people or events there? Consider me shocked. /s

30:00 Beyond the Gates is not the first former employee/fans spiritual successor that has been attempted. I was briefly involved with a group called Mynheras larp that was also the same concept. Their goal was to not have the same problems Evermore had and then almost immediately began falling apart because they were having the same problems Evermore had-at least on the creative side of things. They didn’t have any money. I haven’t worked with Beyond the Gates but there are good and talented people who are involved and I wish them the best.

31:20 I’d like to think most of us are appreciative towards the work [Jenny] did and agree with all the criticism [Jenny] made (and more), and I know several of us are, but it is Utah. I would be disappointed, but not surprised, to find a handful who hold undue resentment towards [Jenny].

39:00 I don’t know anything about this exhibit in particular, but there were so many incredibly talented people who were exploited, burned, and abandoned by Evermore. Several sculptors and creature-creators worked for months to years before the park opened, and then were laid off within months of the park opening. I’m glad to see some of their efforts and creations survived and are being put to some use.

42:30 I’m getting emotional and nostalgic seeing these omg ;_;

44:25 oh I’m so glad you had the opportunity to speak to one of them directly!

44:50 YES. This was actually a part of a big and surprising problem with Evermore’s development and how there was no intellectual property developed (e.g. story and characters) before they had to start building them. I’ll go into this in more depth in my eventual video about my experiences at Evermore if I ever finish it

45:28 yep yep yep

46:20 YEP YEP YEP

47:00 I actually didn’t know a lot of this either and it explains a lot.

47:20 and while I’m sure this all true, a lot of the puppets and creature suits did fall into significant disrepair and were never fixed.

51:20 I never personally saw any of this behavior but I did hear about it from others who I 100% believe.

52:00 My impression is that he’s not evil or malicious per se, but is someone whose ego far surpasses his competence and refuses to acknowledge or accept his failures or shortcomings. When confronted with them, he lashes out.

EDIT: I have since seen his recent Twitter replies. He has gone full alt-right Musk bro. Evermore was something of a haven for a lot of marginalized communities in Utah, not to mention -he has queer children himself-, so him revealing those opinions is a complete betrayal. I try to afford some benefit of doubt where possible, but he’s shown his true colors.

55:00 this is hilarious and I never heard these details before. While, I believe, none of the displays were intended to be specifically religious, several of the antiques were originally religious in nature and several sculptures made for the park were themed similarly. It all felt very classically Catholic or Anglican, which is funny to do in Utah where the population is very religious and conservative but specifically (and proudly) NOT Catholic or Anglican. Mormons. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

56:55 lmao we literally called that building “the barn” the first couple of seasons.

57:55 I was under the impression that the tavern was one of the few that was an original design, but maybe that was just the interior.

59:10 As far as I know, they never attempted to sell liquor on the park premises outside of the premium special events and Vander’s Keep. Corners were cut constantly, but I don’t think they were ever this bold with it. I’m sure he wanted to, but it would be impossible to get away with in Utah. It would stand out so much compared to any other similar attraction in the state, and enough of the population would actually be shocked and offended at the presence of alcohol that some suburban parents with too much time on their hands would report them immediately.

1:00:30 I don’t recall any specific details but there were several liens and lawsuits from contractors who weren’t paid even in the first year Evermore was open.

1:01:40 I’m not an authority on this subject but I don’t actually think this was the case for this building. The upper floor did have “pillars”, but they weren’t put in until several years after the park opened and were clearly fake and not structurally integral. There were antique stone columns in the park (and I once heard they were actually the oldest artifacts on site), but they were across the graveyard from the building around the weird shrine with the antique statue of Saint Apollonia, the Catholic patron saint of dentistry. To be clear, the mausoleum could easily have not been up to code but it wasn’t because there were marble columns in the upper floor. I’m not trying to defend the park by any means, but I’d like to try to keep the facts straight to paint an accurate picture.

1:03:50 These details are also new to me and also not a surprise. Infrastructure throughout the park was very limited. Again, I’m not an expert and don’t know the specifics, but the idea of hosting mid-sized performances and concerts was brought up several times almost immediately when the park opened, and I was told the infrastructure couldn’t support anything like that. Not even electricity for proper lights and sound.

1:04:50 As far as I know this is correct. I’m sure new owners wouldn’t want to inherit all the problems, debts, and negative reputation Evermore Park the company has, but it is sad that the park and the intellectual property have been separated.

1:12:13 I’m getting flashbacks to hbomberguy revealing that Tommy Tallarico wasn’t actually on MTV Cribs

1:16:00 While I’m also not particularly optimistic, this is still a much better outcome than having it all be demolished and bulldozed for condominiums.

1:20:00 This isn’t the first time this has happened in Utah. They seem to be copying a trend of semi-high-profile scavenger hunts that have taken place in the state over the past several years. Unsurprisingly, the winners are always the people who can afford to commit the most time to it (i.e. not working a day job), which aren’t the people that could use the money the most.

1:32:20 Amongst the several, several red flags around Realm Town (and that terrible, terrible name), the one point of optimism I’ll give is that the man in this footage here (he’s not as public as the owners so I won’t name him but for all I know he introduces himself in one of their videos) is the former “Project Director” at Evermore from late 2019 until the layoffs in 2021, and was in a senior creative position for at least a year before that. He was creatively involved in all the storylines and “gameplay” that existed during what is considered to be Evermore’s peak, and experienced firsthand all the traps, shortcomings, frustrations, and challenges in developing and operating Evermore. Him returning to the land formerly-known-as-Evermore is something of a redemption arc, or could be. I would say that because of his direct, firsthand experience that he is one of the more qualified people who could direct this project, but judging by everything you’re pointing out here I worry he is in a similar position under the Foxes as he was under Ken. But I also wonder, because of the new ownership’s apparent cluelessness and aimlessness, if he and/or other people passionate about the park were the ones who encouraged them to purchase the land in the first place.

1:50:40 Meh. If they didn’t know what they were getting into when they purchased the land then you’re just educating them about it now. Anyone reasonable would be grateful for it, but maybe it’s unrealistic to expect that anyone who owns these projects to be reasonable.

1:52:10 Oh! There it is! The card game. I am forever bitter about it because the characters I played weren’t included in the initial set that was printed but were going to be in the finished but unpublished second set. Someone who had connections to its development very generously leaked the art to me and it’s amazing and I don’t know if I can even legally share it.

I moved states after my last season at Evermore in August 2023, so I don’t have too much more insight into Realm Town or any other ongoing developments. What small relevance I’ve had here is quickly diminishing haha. I mentioned in another comment that I’m working on a video describing my experiences at Evermore. I say this not to self-promote, but hopefully by making myself accountable to some other people I might be encouraged enough to actually finish it. Big thanks yet again to Jenny for her earnest and thorough approach to this fascinating topic (and to all the topics she covers on her channel) that means a lot, or meant a lot, to several passionate and talented people and for encouraging large-scale creative endeavors to meet their potential by offering helpful and specific criticisms and ideas.

[readwebcomicsgdi]

You keep saying "Build a website" but doesn't that cost money?

It does! Like basically any other profession or hobby there are expenses eventually, and hosting is just another one like the tablet or the bristol board.

Generally my advice is to start out hosting somewhere free like ComicFury, both to see how well you actually like maintaining a long term project and how seriously you want to take it. If it turns out it's important enough to you that you want to turn it into a career or ensure its stability, you find a way to sustain it. In my case, I hosted Kidd Commander on tumblr for the first fifty pages or so, realized how unstable that was and how much it would upset me if they changed their content policies or functionality in ways that would harm my comic (which they have, several times), and started making efforts to drum up enough support to maintain its own site. Every person running a website of any kind went through some form of this process at some point!

If you give it a shot and find you DON'T really care to dump resources into it, if it isn't that big of a deal to you if it goes down with a company's ship one day, then it's probably not worth the trouble or the money! Websites are a lot of work and resources, and while in my opinion it's a good trade not everyone would agree. Maybe you have other places you need to put your money or your time, you have other things that take priority that means you don't elect to drop money on something that's more like a hobby, that's fine. This isn't like, backhanded either; not everyone DOES want to fool with all this, and even if you're into making comics that doesn't mean you also have strong enough feelings about longevity or ownership to want to put in the effort to own your own space.

Whether it's something you want to carve out for yourself is up to you, I can't help y'all with that. A lot of my aim when I bring up hosting is to remind people about the inherent risk they're taking by relying entirely on corporations to house these passion projects that are long term and, frequently, unattractive to the shareholders who will probably gain influence over the corporation during the course of the work. The internet is aggressively centralized, to the point a lot of people have gotten so comfortable with apps and for-profit social media that they trust them with a lot more than they should and aren't even aware there are other options. If it's free, you're the product, and as soon as you stop being profitable they will sweep up everything you've built and send you out empty handed. If that's not alarming to you, by all means set up shop somewhere like Webtoon. Really! But if it is, figure out what your goals are and get to work.

[the-final-sif]

One of the things I think people as a whole don't understand about the internet today is that so much of what's wrong/dangerous/flawed about the internet exists because so much of the internet started as one person's hobby they built in their spare time or as a specific task for a specific function that was just useful/functional enough that literally everyone started using it. There's tons of biases built into the modern internet and some of that is carelessness but a lot of it is... just like. This was invented by a group of grad students fucking around for a few weeks. How the fuck were they supposed to know it'd be become the global standard and that nobody would bother to address or change these things?

Like, the whole reason that the US government gets the ".gov" domain name is because this entire system was invented in the US primarily for use in universities. Under the original system, you had to phone in to talk to the center who owned the list, tell them what name you wanted and then a person would type your name/ip onto the list attached to a nickname much like a phonebook. Then people slowly figured out domains and maintaining domain registries. And then the system became useful enough that more of the US started using it, and then people realized "oh shit, other countries want to use this too, guess we need to figure that out".

The "world wide web" or the thing we all know as the internet (and the reason that every website you visit has www in front), was invented originally by one dude trying to make his own job easier (Tim Berners-Lee). He thought it was pretty cool and shared it, and he was one guy who only spoke English and was just doing what he thought was going to work.

Like, this is a very lighthearted article talking about him, but I think it illustrates the point really well,

Sir Tim Berners-Lee, the creator of the World Wide Web, has confessed that the // in a web address were actually "unnecessary". He told the Times newspaper that he could easily have designed URLs not to have the forward slashes. "There you go, it seemed like a good idea at the time," he said. He admitted that when he devised the web, almost 20 years ago, he had no idea that the forward slashes in every web address would cause "so much hassle". His light-hearted apology even had a green angle as he accepted that having to add // to every address had wasted time, printing and paper.

via "sorry for the slashs"

We have an entire internet and infrastructure built rather haphazardly but also in such a way that going back and trying to change or fix things either requires an insane amount of work or could render vast swaths of the prior internet inaccessible.

Like, I think everyone here remembers Flash getting shut down and how much of childhood games got wiped off the generally accessible internet and relegated to projects like Flashpoint. It was really hard to see, but Flash was also a project started in 1996 (or 1993 if you count the OG version that turned into flash) that was supposed to be for a limited set of use cases, and not the medium on which major parts of the internet would run. By the time Adobe shut it down, Flash was incredibly dangerous with the constant risks of malware, it was buggy, slow, and there were a million better programs. It had to be killed to make way for better things, but because of how the internet was built, that death came at a pretty high cost.

So if you're ever wondering why it feels like the web is a bunch of dominoes ready to fall down at any time, it's because it is. And it does. And so many people spend so much of their time combating all the problems created by using systems that were never intended to handle everything they are currently handling because the alternative is a task of monstrous undertaking that would almost certainly turn decades of history to dust.

[meitantei-lavi]

some unsolicited, honest homebuying advice

hi hello it's been almost a year since i bought my house, so i wanted to post some advice that i've received in the last year related to buying a home and maintaining a home in hopes that it helps someone.

and yes, i know this is the housing crisis website, and i'm acutely aware of how incredibly privileged i am to be able to buy a house in the first place. we don't need to point these things out.

tldr; buying a house is a struggle and paying for upkeep on a house is a struggle, especially given the current economic state of things. struggling is normal and being frustrated is valid. but if you are in a position to buy and you've done your research, you should go for it bc the long-term investment is worth it. also if nothing else, you can paint your walls and decorate however you damn well want cos fuck renting

before you buy a house

like with renting an apartment, it's super important to factor in things like where you're located in relation to your work, to the grocery store, to busy roads, to potential natural disaster risks, etc. you should also consider the size of place you're looking for (depending on your family size, pets, etc.) and what you can afford, obvs

get a realtor and a mortgage broker, preferrably by way of referral. it's all well and good to google "realtors near me" or w/e, but getting someone that a family member, friend, or coworker has used and trusts is super valuable. also, most realtors/brokers are paid by commission, so their fees will come out of the closing cost (i'm pretty sure). they shouldn't charge you by the hour unless that's part of their business model ig

give yourself and your realtor enough time to properly search and tour houses and negotiate with the sellers. this is what i wished i'd done last year since i started searching at the beginning of july, then closed in the middle of august. it worked out in the end since the seller was super helpful and eager to sell (the house was part of his late mother's will), but it was super rushed and more stressful than it needed to be

this goes without saying, but make sure you actually have enough saved up to buy a house. the general rule of thumb is to have 20% or more of the buying price on hand

having a broker is super helpful since they can negotiate with mortgage companies on your behalf and get you the best rate. i THINK the most common type of mortgage is a fixed-rate mortgage, so no matter what the housing market does after you buy, you keep paying the same amount that's agreed on at closing (until you can refinance). the standard length of a fixed-rate mortgage is 30 years

if at some point you want to buy a second home or go back to renting, you need to live in your home for at least a year before renting it out (though this may be a state by state basis, so always check with your broker if that's something you're interested in. also i think you need to have a landlord license in some counties? idk, but this is something i remember lol)

also make a budget sheet ahead of time. this is just generally good life advice, but knowing how much you're paying each month on your mortgage, MI (mortgage insurance), HOA dues, and other expenses will help you in financing other projects (see below)

while you're buying the house

make a list of tasks to complete! i.e., when you need to report what amount of loan you prequalify for, when you need to complete an appraisal, when to deliver earnest money, etc. your realtor/broker will be staying on top of this stuff too, but i found it helpful to keep track of it on my end too

find out ahead of time what things you need to change your address on, like bank accounts, credit cards, insurance, etc.

HOA's suck. if i had a choice, i would 100% paint my home in a fun color that isn't sad beige and i would put bird feeders everywhere, but alas. however, HOA's do serve a purpose. if a sewer pipe bursts in your home, it's usually the HOA's job to fix it. same with if there's a foundation issue. or a rot in the siding. while you still have to cover certain things, an HOA will help with others. i personally think reasonable HOA dues are around $250-$300, but it depends on the house and neighborhood. either way, make sure to factor HOA fees into your monthly payments

also, if they don't already provide these, ask your realtor to request HOA docs like minutes, bylaws, policies & procedures, budget sheets, etc. these can give you a good insight on how the HOA works and how useful/effective they are

when you have a property inspection and the inspector finds some egregious problems, 100% try to negotiate the price down or get the seller to fix the problem before you buy. my place had a gas leak (not major, but still), and we asked the seller to fix it at his own cost and he DID. also i think they ended up knocking like $4k off the final price?? so that was cool

if possible and applicable, try to bundle your home/condo insurance with your car insurance. it'll save you some money in the long run. also in tandem with the HOA advice above, homeowner's insurance tends to just cover what's inside the walls of the house (if you have an HOA). your situation may be different, so always always ALWAYS do your research to make sure you're adequately covered

this goes without saying, but show up on time to your closing lol. also, hold onto your closing documents and note important dates like when your MI goes away or when you're allowed to refinance

after you've bought the house

shit will break. it will suck. more likely than not, you'll be responsible for fixing it, either by learning how to fix things or by calling a contractor. but you gotta remember that buying a house is a long-term investment and one of the best ways to build equity in the US of A. the shit that you fix now will pay off in the long run

buyer's remorse is real. it will also suck. don't look at other properties after you close. you Will regret it

the things you should ABSOLUTELY call a licensed professional for (unless you yourself are a professional in these areas, in which case, go you) are plubming, electric, pest control, heating/cooling, and doors/windows. if you have referrals from family, friends, or coworkers, that's even better!

things you can learn to do yourself: drywall repair, painting walls (super fun, btw), installing carpeting or basic appliances/fixtures, etc. if you run into issues or a project is more than you bargained for, swallow your pride and call a professional

that being said, contractors are EXPENSIVE!!! for a good reason of course, but a necessary repair can decimate your savings. if the contractor offers a financing option, take it, especially if it's something that absolutely has to be fixed. be aware of how much you can put down initially so you can lower your payments in the long run

with no. 5 in mind, be aware of how many lines of credit you have open. these can positively or negatively affect your credit score. i would not recommend paying for major repairs with a credit card unless you can pay it off like. immediately. or if it's an absolute necessity. otherwise you'll be sitting with that debt for a looooong time

also side note, furniture is stupidly expensive, even when its on clearance. 100% would recommend getting thrifted or free furniture. just make sure to thoroughly clean everything, especially couches or other furniture with fabric/cushioning. do NOT pick up furniture like couches or mattresses from the side of the road. just Don't

i would recommend signing up with a pest control service like orkin or terminix (or whatever is available in your area). they should give you a relatively affordable rate (terminix is like $50 a month?) for inspections and quarterly cleanings. like, i appreciate wasps as pollinators, but i do Not want them making nests in my garage. yknow?

part of your monthly mortgage payment goes into an escrow account, which is basically just money that the mortgage company doesn't put towards your loan. instead, the escrow account is used for property taxes (which vary by county) and your homeowner's insurance. these payments should be automatic and shouldn't require anything on your part. i learned this the hard way and paid the first part of my property taxes out of pocket. you cannot get this money back and it will go into your escrow account. which is like. fine. but it's a bummer. so don't do what i did and just let your mortgage company handle it

if you're in a position where you can ask your family for help financially, just do it. it sucks a lot. nobody wants to ask for money. but your parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, or whoever should want to help you*. just approach the conversation like an adult, say what you're able to contribute, then ask what they can contribute. if they're able to loan you money or give you money as a gift, thank them! say how thankful you are, send them flowers, show them your love in another way, idc!

again, i know HOA's suck. but if you have an HOA, get involved, find the loopholes i mean follow the rules, and pay your dues on time. you don't have to be on the board, but at least attend an HOA meeting or two and keep up with the minutes from previous meetings to stay in the loop of what the HOA is doing for the neighborhood. when you have the opportunity to vote on things, do it! vote in new board members if you can't stand the current ones. vote to have a special assessment or not. just be informed!

if and when you have the opportunity to refinance AND if the interest rate is lower than when you bought the place, DO IT. REFINANCE THAT SHIT. you can lock in at a lower monthly mortgage payment, that shit rocks!!!!

this bit i got from my therapist yesterday, so i'm really taking it to heart: unless you're rich from the getgo, buying and owning a house is fucking hard. as long as you're doing your best to pay your mortgage on time and responsibly managing your finances with repairs and whatnot, you're doing fine. a lot of people are in the same boat as you or worse. give yourself some grace when you have to finance a project cos you can't pay it all upfront. remind yourself that we're living in a total hellscape, and the fact that you own your own place is fucking awesome. and you don't have to deal with a leasing company! you have complete control of how the interior of your place looks! hell, as long as you find loopholes abide by the HOA's rules, you can do pretty much whatever you want outside, too! sometimes it can be hard, and you can cry and scream and be as frustrated as you want, but you have to keep going. you got this!

*because i know tumblr is also the piss on the poor website, let me be clear that i know that not everyone has the same family dynamic as i do. i'm giving this piece of advice ONLY if you're on good terms with your family and ONLY if they are in a financial situation to help you. do NOT feel like you need to ask family members for money if it would put you in a bad place physically, mentally, or emotionally. it ain't worth it and you will find another way

[sonubalhara]

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[seoinindia01]

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[grocito]

How to move your business online | Convert Offline Dukaan in ₹149

How to move your business online | Convert Offline Dukaan in ₹149

[secretaryofdarkness]

Every so often you see a ridiculous post, usually something with sexual content presented humorously, and a reblog comment will say something to the effect of "this is why this website is unprofitable"

And while those are funny, it's just patently untrue.

Firstly, it behooves us to establish a baseline of terminology, because in current discourse there's a major disconnect between what 'unprofitable' means when used by tumblr users and when used by tumblr executives.

Unprofitable in lay use typically means 'there is a net negative cash flow for this company' while in executive terms it means something more like 'the revenue generated here is unfit for long term growth'. The key distinction is that root word profit; In reality Tumblr is profitable by the first definition but unprofitable by the second. If tumblr wasn't bringing in enough money to at least balance out operating costs it would have been gone long ago. MySpace still exists, Tumblr will likely occupy that same space until it literally can't afford to anymore. The real issue is that tumblr's business model doesn't generate its own growth, and therefore doesn't continually expand its proft above operation like every corporation expects to.

Basically when users on here talk about profits they're measuring velocity, while executives are measuring acceleration. How much will the money increase its own collection, how can we make that happen faster, and how can we maintain that acceleration curve?

Now that that's out of the way, let's look at Tumblr's actual business model. Compared to Twitter and Facebook, tumblr lacks two key things: Public acclaim, and user incentives for engagement loops.

The first part is easy. Tumblr isn't a famous platform like Facebook is or like Twitter is. Outside of Tumblr, nobody talks about Tumblr. This means it's not viewed as a strong market for advertisers, it's not generating waves of new users, and it's not gonna get attention for doing critical maintenance or breakthrough innovation because the crowds simply aren't here. There are millions of Tumblr users, but it really doesn't mean the same thing as the collective hundreds of millions of users across Facebook and Instragram that all generate tons of ad and data revenue for one corporation.

The second part is more complicated because it gets into the psychology of social media engagement, and I'm not gonna pretend to be an expert on how that works. But the crux of it is that the mechanics of engagement with Tumblr are just different from that of Twitter in a few basic ways that mean huge differences in how the space is utilized.

Firstly, Tumblr is fairly obtuse about post longevity; the halflife of a tumblr post is effectively eternal because posts from the first year the website was open for public use still circulate. Posts didn't even have dates put onto them for users to see until like two years ago, unless you modded your website layout with third party tools like Xkit. This is great if you want a website where your art can last forever, but terrible for creating large surges of engagement super quickly on hot button topics and posts. This latter model is how basically all social media operates nowadays, with posts basically dying after 48 hours. There's always a frenzy on every meme, headline, picture, thinkpiece, and political fuckup that inevitably creates micro-surges of engagement for whoever saw it. This creates vicious cycles of attention seeking in just about everyone involved, but it just doesn't work that way here. I get periodic validation from writing I've posted years ago and that gives me the feedback I'd normally have to post hourly to attain on twitter, so there's really no drive for me to constantly be posting. This lack of need to constantly generate content feeds into the first issue of public acclaim; if everyone isn't constantly posting then the content which does leak out from here isn't enough to cross most of the thresholds to motivate people to migrate to the platform and give it public acclaim.

Secondly, the people who *do* post constantly aren't rewarded for doing so in any meaningful way. People who generate tons of content for YouTube and Instagram and TikTok make actual literal money from doing so. People can use Twitter and Facebook to advertise themselves, their products, their podcasts, their personal websites, whatever. With enough of a presence on most social media, there's monetary drives involved. And this motivates some unsuccessful users to keep trying to gain personal acclaim because it's no longer a social media platform, it's a shovel salesman in a gold rush. Tumblr does not have this. Tipping was added a while back but from what I can tell it's not widely used, and even if it was that's still money coming from other users and not the platform itself. Nobody is posting on tumblr to try and make it big and get real money doing so. The people posting a lot on tumblr are people like writers posting updates for their fics, artists posting their art, sex workers promoting their OnlyFans, porn blogs, stolen meme accounts, and the odd wizard here and there. Most people here are engaging for social fulfillment, which is ironically the least profitable motive a social media platform can offer its userbase.

[tryslat]

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[udhhyog2]

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Can you provide pricing for the 150mm MS flange?

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What are the features of an MS slip-on flange compared to a MS threaded flange?

MS Slip-On Flange: Easy to install and weld, used in low-pressure applications. It has a larger bore for a snug fit.

MS Threaded Flange: Designed for easy installation without welding, suitable for high-pressure applications. It features internal threads for attachment to pipes.

What are the specifications for MS flange PN16?

MS flange PN16 specifications typically include:

Pressure rating: 16 bar

Standard dimensions as per relevant IS codes

Suitable for various industrial applications

For detailed specifications, consult our technical data sheets available on our website.

How does the MS flange price change with different types, such as MS SO RF flange and MS threaded flange?

Pricing for MS flanges varies based on type, material, and manufacturing process. Generally, MS Slip-On Raised Face (SO RF) flanges may be priced differently than MS threaded flanges due to variations in design and application suitability.

Where can I buy MS flanges at the lowest price?

You can purchase MS flanges at the lowest price directly from Udhhyog. Our commitment to quality and competitive pricing makes us a preferred supplier. Check out our MS Flanges page for more details.

What are the advantages of using MS flanges in industrial applications?

MS flanges offer numerous advantages, including:

High strength and durability

Corrosion resistance

Easy installation and maintenance

Cost-effectiveness for various industrial applications

Are there any specific MS flanges manufacture certifications or standards you comply with?

Udhhyog complies with industry-standard certifications and regulations to ensure that our MS flanges meet the highest quality and safety standards. We adhere to relevant IS codes and international standards for manufacturing.

[technotechgeeks]

What is Cloud Hosting?: Benefits and Types

Are you a startup owner looking to host your website globally? Are you tight on budgets prompting you to seek an efficient yet economical solution for server hosting?

With the world growing digital, where everything is becoming more accessible, there's a solution that aligns perfectly to your needs: cloud hosting. But, if you're wondering what exactly cloud hosting is, you're not alone. This article is designed to help you understand cloud hosting, guiding you through its nuances and illustrating why it might be the ideal solution for your startup

What is Cloud Hosting?

Cloud hosting is a web hosting service that enables you to operate your application and website globally in a cost efficient manner. Your website is being hosted through a cluster of servers and even if one server fails at some point of a time the other one backs it up enabling your site to run smoothly without failing to load when a user clicks on your site.

How is Cloud Hosting different from traditional hosting?

Traditionally organisations host websites and applications on single,  physical servers. This method may require purchasing or leasing data centres. This not only consumes a lot of space to store the servers, it also increases the hiring cost. And if your website or application experiences a sudden spike in the traffic, it will slow it down drastically. On the other hand, cloud hosting offers a solution to overcome these challenges by hosting your site globally from wherever you are with just a click. Cloud hosting is more flexible, scalable and cost efficient. In this method,  you pay a cloud service provider to host your site and app across various physical and virtual servers enabling it to host globally. This is an ideal way for the business owners who are trying to expand their global presence.

How does cloud hosting work?

Cloud hosting uses multiple servers to balance the load and improve the loading speed of the site or application. In this approach even if one server fails the other server kicks in making everything run smoother. This is called virtualization where multiple virtual servers run on a single physical server each running independently of the other.

What are the benefits of Cloud hosting?

Cloud hosting is one of the most cost efficient ways to run your site and application which provides immense flexibility.

User Friendly: You don’t have an idea of what cloud computing is and how it actually works? Are you wondering how to use it, don’t worry cloud service providers are there to help you do it.

Scalability: You can easily scale the services in just one click and at much cheaper rates. You don’t need to look to buy servers, hire a person to maintain it or think of any innovative way to store it.

Cost Efficient: Pay only for the services you are using. You need more resources don't worry cloud service providers will allocate them for you.

Security: Are you worried about your data on the cloud? Stay assured, Cloud providers invest high in security systems making sure to provide you the best security. They are always up-to-date with their security framework. They also provide a backup and storage mechanism.

What are the types of Cloud Hosting?

Cloud hosting can be categorised into 4 main types:

1. Public Cloud

Public cloud works in a similar fashion like the public transport where many people travel in one bus and third party service providers maintain and manage all the services. In the case of public clouds the cloud infrastructure is available for multiple websites and third party service providers maintain and manage the hardware.

2. Private Cloud

It is similar to having your own car that's managed by you. Private clouds are built and maintained by you and later your organisations make use of it.

3. Hybrid Cloud

It is similar to renting an OLA cab. Either you want to pool the cab and travel with others or you want to travel alone. That depends totally on you. Hybrid cloud is a blend of public and private cloud where you run your website and applications through multiple infrastructure and store data in specific locations.

4. Managed Cloud

It is similar to renting a cab on a monthly basis where a third party manages all the operations. Managed cloud works similarly where third party cloud providers manage all the operational practices like backups, security and more.

Bottom Line

Cloud hosting represents a transformative approach, providing startup and businesses a flexible, scalable and cost efficient way to  host websites globally. There are 4 types of cloud hosting like public, private, hybrid and managed cloud you can choose from. Understanding fundamentals will help you make informed decisions for growing digitally.

[my-brothers-corrupted]

My Brothers, Corrupted

Book Five: Section Three

Dapper's psychosis worsens as he goes on without treatment, and the others try to figure out what to do while still trying to maintain a feeling of safety. Masterlist

Tws for self-hatred, past abuse, and psychosis and treatment discussions, including institutionalization. Marvin also snaps at the audience a couple times. Tws may not be completely exhaustive - keep in mind the heaviness of the fic and look out for yourself.

Thank you to @lehhoh7822 for taking the time to compile this book!

.

Blue wakes up alone.

He rubs at his face and turns over, considering just going back to sleep. He’s tired. But he’s hungry, too, and if he’s hungry than his brothers are hungry, and if his brothers are hungry, he needs to make breakfast.

“Jackie?” he calls, hoping his twin is just getting ready in the bathroom, but there’s no answer. The house is cold. He drags himself out of bed, shuddering in the chill. Ugh. The football jersey he threw on as a sleep-shirt is sweaty and unwashed, not unlike his dead white hair. He picks at a scab on his neck til it bleeds, frustrated from the moment he wakes up.

There’s a note on the bedside table in his brother’s struggling, messy handwriting.

Blue, I went to town because I found out about some people who can maybe help us get a place to stay and food and a job and things. I will get some stuff we need at the store. I checked last night and you and me and Chase are registered as Irish citizens in the health care system acording to the website but Dapper and Dok are British and German so it maybe costs some money to take them in to see someone but if they need appointements right now I will find the money. I’ll be home later and hopefuly we can go stay somewhere else. Love Ro

“You’ve got to be kidding, Red,” protests Blue, gripping at his hair. “None of us should be out alone. He hates crowds and public transportation but he just goes out alone… determined bastard. How will I find him if something happens? Dammit!”

He crumples the paper and throws it at the wall, slumping back into bed. Maybe he will just go back to sleep. But then again he feels so disgusting. This goddamn skin. He pulls the blankets over his head and groans into his pillow.

Anonymous asked: Blue, I think it might be possible some of Anti's magic or his 'soul' or anything might remain in you. Not that you are not your own person, but you've been showing signs that some of his magic might have stuck in you when Dark ripped him out. I mean, the anger, the love of Trick, the possible accidental hypnotism. I think it's something you should consider.

“Ah, right, yeah,” says Blue, slouching out of bed and washing his face in the bathroom sink. “Forgive me for having some shit going on right now and a friendship with one of my brothers. Must be a demon in my soul. Glad to know I look that much like my abuser to the lot of you.”

He throws the towel down and stares back at you, eyes flashing. “You sound like Dapper. Anti is DEAD. Move on.”

scunneredzombie asked: Jackie, did you bring a camera with you?

“He probably didn’t even bother to think of that,” mutters Blue, checking the bag to count how many cameras they have with them. “Maybe he at least took Anti’s phone if he really needs anything. He’s having so much fun with his new independence he’s starting to get sloppy.”

Blue shifts through some of his clean clothes for a minute, but what does it even matter? He drops his bag and gets up, heading to the room next door.

“Chase, Dok! Do you want breakfast?”

There’s no answer. He cracks the door open quietly and finds only one sleep-tousled twin laid out in the stolen bed, eyes closed, breathing soft and even. For a second, Blue feels a little better. He shouldn’t be so grouchy. They’re fighting a lot lately, sure, but what matters is that Anti is gone and they’re all together and alive. They’ll go from there.

“Where’s your twin, though, huh?” he sighs, closing the door. “Dok? Chase must be tired if he’s sleeping through you sneaking off. Henrik?”

Anonymous asked: I didn't say you look like your abuser. I said it's seriously a possibility some of his magic stuck to you. Blue, he is dead, and he is gone. But this is a serious thing to consider, you shouldn't brush it off so quick. You looked Chase in the eye and possibly hypnotized him a bit. That can't be just tossed aside like it doesn't matter.

“What are you talking about?” mumbles a sleepy voice behind him, and a second later, Chase is creaking open the door, blinking at him.

“Just something stupid,” snipes Blue, setting the camera down on the shelf beside him. “Forget it.”

Chase hums sleepily.

But the more he thinks about it, the more it starts to eat at him. He’s nauseous. Anti still here? Anti still inside him, moving him, controlling him? He remembers -

Ink in his mouth, and blood on his face -

Laughter. Not his laughter, but from his mouth.

Dapper stares up at him like he’s everything he hates and loves at the same time.

Henrik is splayed out beneath him, screaming for help, but all he does is keep hitting him, again and again, beating his fists against his head, his chest, his arms, til his knuckles are stained with Henrik’s blood.

“Do you think Marvin’s going to fucking wake up, you little bitch, is that what you’re screaming for? Do you think big brother’s going to save you? No one is fucking coming, Henrik, no one is going to save you, and all your brother can do is fucking WATCH - ”

“Blue,” comes a steady voice, and then Chase’s hands are cupping his cheeks, trying to draw his gaze. “Blue. I’m here. Just breathe.”

Blue leans over and grabs his stomach, shaking so hard he can’t stay on his feet. His knees buckle and Chase grabs him, holding him tight and helping him to sit down.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. Blue, you’re okay.”

These hands, these hands, his hands, his hands. He can feel - he still remembers -

He grabs his throat and wheezes, crumpling in over himself, letting Chase fold over him and hold him, making reassurances to him again and again and again.

Anonymous asked: You are you, even if his magic does remain. You were you and he was him. Nothing he did is your doing, nothing he said is your fault. You are Blue/Marvin and you have been through all of this. He stole from you, stole your body, but nothing he used it for is your fault. Do not shoulder the responsibility of your abuser, love.

“I need - I need to talk to Henrik - why won’t he talk, Chase, why doesn’t he talk, I need - ”

“I know, Blue, I know.”

“And Dapper looks at me like he still sees him in me, I hate that, I hate him, I hate all of this. I can’t ever fix anything, I’m just - ”

“It’s not your job to fix anything, Blue, just breathe.”

“He took everything from me!” screams Blue, jerking so hard Chase pins him down slightly, scared he’ll slam his head into something. “I wish I had killed him slower! I wish I had chained him up in that barbed wire and tore through that fucking cut on his throat once and for all!”

Chase takes long, slow breaths, trying to get Blue to follow.

“It’s not your fault, Blue, what he did.”

“I can still feel him crawling inside me, fucking parasite.”

“It’s just the trauma, Blue. He’s gone.”

“What if I did hypnotize you?”

“What?”

“What if I did? The other day? We made eye contact and you - you got all - kind of dopey, you know?”

“I’m not Trick anymore,” says Chase firmly. “Nothing like that happened. Just forget it, Blue. It’s done.”

scunneredzombie asked: Chase, any idea where Henrik got to? Outside maybe? Take your time with Blue, he needs you, but finding Dok should be the next-up.

“Oh, shit,” says Chase, sitting up. “Oh, fuck, he must have snuck off while I was asleep, fuck.”

It puts fear in him immediately, and he’s on his feet, calling for him. “Dok? I’m here! Where are you? You don’t think he ran off, do you? Blue, I’m going to go grab him, just quick, I’ll be right back.”

Blue lets him go without protest, slumping back against the wall. It’s Chase’s job to protect his brother the same way Marvin was supposed to look out for all of them. He buries his face in his hands and closes his eyes, flowers curling out from one sleeve of his shirt in woeful blue petals.

Anonymous asked: None of you have jobs anymore, you all deserve to relate with and help each other at any time, like a family. Not Antis dollhouse, but an actual family, all of you to all of you.

“I gave up Marvin for a chance to save them someday,” Blue tells you quietly, running his fingers over old scars. “But all I could do was kill him and that fixed so little. I still have to see them all breaking in half and I can’t do anything about it. Can’t even get a hold of myself. You’re right, Red and I are just going to end up being the new version of him. Controlling because we think we care, unlike him, but controlling anyway. Maybe I do still treat Chase like Trick. I wish so badly that one of them could just be… okay. Could just be himself again. Happy and healthy and fine. But we’re all just fucked up and tired. How am I even supposed to start fixing any of this? I think even if Red gets us everything we need, we’ll still all just be shadows of the people we used to be.”

He pauses, breathing more even, more slow. Okay. Okay.

“I wish my hair would grow back,” he adds, voice small. “I really wish this body was mine again.”

scunneredzombie asked: And are shadows not still worthy of love and care? You, all of you, need to stop trying to be the exact people you were before he was in control. Trauma /changes/ you. Trauma changes your brain, physically and emotionally. But those changes don't take away your value or your personhood. It's okay to change, and it's okay to feel like shadows for a bit while you heal. Don't give up, you lot!

Blue is quiet, staring down at his feet, his knees drawn to his chest.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “They all still deserve a lot. I… deserve better. A lot better than the way he treated us. I just wish I could give it to them. I think it’s so ingrained in my head - and in Ro’s too - that we have to make sure they’re okay before we can be okay. I guess maybe I should be focusing on myself but I just want them to be… ugh. What a mess all of this is.”

He feels bad all the way down to his heart, doubly exhausted now from his freak-out, and embarrassed that Chase saw him like that. His little brother is coming back towards him now, Dok in tow and a worried look on his face, but Blue doesn’t want to see them right now. Doesn’t want to see Henrik silent and blank from the things that Blue - that Anti did to him. Doesn’t want to risk looking too deeply into Chase’s eyes and realizing that you might be right, and some part of Anti remains inside of him, enough to mess with Chase’s brain. Doesn’t want to be looked at at all, not while he’s… this.

“Can I just get some alone time?” he asks, rubbing his face.

“I could be alone with you,” offers Chase quickly. “But, um, also - ”

“Chase, I just - I just want some alone time.”

Chase glances back at Henrik, who blinks at him. He sighs.

“Um, okay. Yeah, no worries. But if you need anything, Blue… you know I’d do anything for you, right?”

“I love you too,” answers Blue softly.

Chase’s mouth flickers with a small, taut smile. He leads Henrik back down the stairs.

Anonymous asked: Blue. You're putting shields up against people that don't want to hurt you. You have a right to your privacy always, but you don't have to deny the fact that you need help and you want to get better. You're a problem solver but it's okay to ask for help and it's okay to accept it as well.

“Yeah, well,” grouses Blue, getting up and heading back towards his room. “Consider this one more shield.”

And he closes his door and leaves you in the hallway.

Downstairs, Chase flinches at the sound of the door shutting. He squares his shoulders and lets go of a deep breath, stepping out onto the porch.

“Okay, Dap,” he says unsteadily. “Blue is taking a break. But we can figure this out between the three of us, right?”

Dapper doesn’t reply. His hands are coated black with charcoal, which he has spread across the entire back wall of the house, repeating drawings of eyes over and over and over again.

Anonymous asked: JJ, are you alright? Another paranoid episode?

“Hey, Dapper,” murmurs Chase, sinking to his knees beside him. “Hey, look at me. Are you okay? JJ? Can you look at me?”

He just keeps drawing. Henrik is already on his other side, right where Chase found him this morning - trying to pull the charcoal out of his hand and touching the back of his head like he’s somehow holding him in place. It’s the most independent reaction Chase has seen his twin offer in weeks, but it isn’t doing much. Henrik tightens his grip on the charcoal and Dapper shoves his hand away, curled low over an eye on the corner of the house.

“Dapper,” says Chase, louder, putting a hand on his chin and trying to draw his gaze to him. “You didn’t sleep, did you? You have to stop. Jameson, hey.”

Henrik blinks at him from the other side of their brother. Dapper doesn’t stop.

“Okay.” Chase chews on the nail of his thumb. “Okay, so not listening. Maybe not hearing me. Dapper, can’t you just tell me what you need? What are the eyes for?”

He’s been scrawling so hard and for so long that there’s blood on the ends of his fingers.

scunneredzombie asked: Offer a reality check, Chase? Like reminding him where he is, his name, your name, that he's safe, etc. Reminders of truths and things that would provide comfort.

“Dapper? I’m here. It’s me, Chase, and Henrik, too. That’s who’s touching you. You’re safe here, yeah? Dap. Look at me, okay? Can you please? Can you tell me what the eyes are for?”

Dapper scrapes at his ears for a second. They’re black with charcoal and red with how hard he’s been scratching at them, cupping them, striking them. Chase pulls his hand down from his ear.

“You’re going to make yourself bleed. JJ, talk to me.”

“Can’t talk.”

“Hey! Yeah, here I am, okay, I know you can’t talk, I just mean - you know what I mean, right, you - ”

“Nobody’s listening. Just talking talking talking.”

“I’m here, it’s Chase, I’m listening.”

Dapper keeps drawing eyes. Or Chase thinks they’re eyes. They seem to just be devolving into ovals with circles inside them. Dapper rocks himself forward with a sudden intensity, letting himself slump against the back wall like he’s trying to collapse into it, but still drawing, still drawing.

“I’ll get you some water, okay?” offers Chase, drawing back from him, unnerved. Dapper’s posture is distinctly uncomfortable-looking, like a mannequin with cut strings left splayed against the wall, but he doesn’t try to adjust. His pupils are shrunken dots.

“Fuck, fuck,” he whispers to himself, hurrying into the house to get him some water.

Henrik stays outside, staring at Dapper as he draws. After a second he sits down beside him and starts tracing over the eyes with his finger, smudging it in charcoal. Dapper pushes his hand away and corrects the lines he’s marred without comment. Henrik has a hand on his knee, quiet.

Anonymous asked: Is Anti talking to you, Jay? He's just a ghost now, don't fret. He can't hurt you, and he can't see you. He's a hallucination. You're very paranoid and scared right now, I understand. Try to bring yourself back to reality. Focus on the water's coldness, on Henrik and Chase being there for you, on the friendly, brotherly hands that touch and try to bring you back. You will be okay. No one is watching besides people who love you.

Chase is good with him by now - knows what to say, how to hold onto him, what to look out for when things are getting bad. But no matter how much he speaks reassurances in calm, even tones and short sentences, or how gently he repositions his shaking body, or how carefully he’s trying to look after him, he’s not coming out of it.

“How long has he been like this?” asks Chase, looking up at his twin like he’s hoping he’ll start talking again in this exact moment and give him all the answers like he used to. “What are we supposed to do? I need Red or Blue.”

He gets to his feet, stalking in circles as he tries to think. There’s a sudden dry yelp and he turns, alarmed, to see Henrik reeling back, gripping his nose.

“Dapper!” Chase howls. “It’s Dok, not Anti! Did you hit him?”

He reaches down to grab his wrist, but Dapper thrashes free, teeth gritted, eyes watering with fear.

“He’s everywhere, he won’t leave me alone, I can’t get out of my room…”

Chase pulls Henrik to his feet and leads him inside, sitting him down on the couch. This is out of control. He knows what he would do next, but - well, he’s not in charge. He needs Red or Blue.

scunneredzombie asked: You're in charge right now Chase. You're the most functional person around currently. Try doing what your idea was, it could be helpful. JJ just needs people to be cautious and gentle to him right now, remind him he's free and not in that prison of a room. Turn him around and let him see the grass and forest behind the house, take him onto the soil if you can. Literal 'grounding'.

Chase sits with Dapper a while longer, looking at him. He tries touching him, pulling at him, trying to turn him around, but Dapper just yanks back towards the wall with increasing desperation, his fingers smearing blood across charcoal. It’s been a long time since he’s been this stuck in his head, but the truth is that he’s been struggling for weeks now, and there are a lot of things Chase wishes they would have done for him a long time ago.

Okay. He’s in charge right now.

He’s not little brother. He’s just a brother. No more hierarchy. Okay.

He gets to his feet and goes up to Blue’s room. He opens the door and steps inside, and his sibling looks up at him in confusion from beneath a pile of somebody else’s blankets.

“Dapper needs to go to the hospital,” says Chase. “I’m going to take him to the bus stop.”

Anonymous asked: Good call, Chaser. Do you know if there's any behavioral clinics near to you? JJ would have a difficult time in the hospital, what with all the strangers, but it might be just what would help right now. He need his medicine and he needs a safe place with people who know what to do.

“Hold up, what’s going on?” demands Blue, hurrying out of bed. “Let me see him. I’ll handle it.”

“Blue, I love you, but you and Dapper aren’t really best friends right now. He’s been hallucinating and erratic for days now and now he’s almost totally unresponsive, drawing eyes on the walls and scraping at his ears because his voices are so loud. Blue, he’s having a psychotic break, and if it doesn’t get handled, not only is he going to keep suffering, he could snap the timeline. I know we’re used to Dapper being kind of - well, weird. But we can’t pretend any of this is normal.”

“Okay, but Chase, if we take him to a hospital, they might put him in a psych ward.”

“What if he needs to be in a psych ward for a little while?” asks Chase, exhausted. “With professionals? Or what if they just give him some medication and let him come home with us once he’s stable?”

“We need to run this past Jackie,” says Blue, pushing past Chase to go find his little brother.

“Jackie’s not here. And even if he were… you know he wouldn’t let us do this. He’s so scared of losing control he would never let someone else take care of his baby brother. He’s paranoid too right now. Dapper needs to see a professional. Now.”

Blue pushes out onto the porch. Dapper doesn’t look up at him, but when Blue reaches out to touch his shoulder, Dapper gasps and cowers from him, wrapping his arms around his head and curling in on himself, panting.

“Oh, lovey, oh, love,” moans Blue, tugging at his hair, stressed. “Um, I - I don’t know. I just wanted to take him to a clinic to get a prescription.”

“That’s all Anti ever did for him,” mumbles Chase. “It was never enough. Let’s at least look for behavioral clinics like they said.”

“We don’t have any way to do that. No phone or computer or anything. And we are not talking to the neighbors - we’ve already fucked up this whole house, don’t need to be any more suspicious.”

scunneredzombie asked: Blue, I know it hurts, but there's not much you or Chase can do for him right now. Going to an urgent care or a hospital is what he needs right now, or something bad could happen to him. When people become unresponsive there's not much to do - if they don't have their medicine - besides taking them to a doctor. I've had to do it before, there's no shame in it. Psychosis is a serious thing and needs serious help.

“What’s the stress here?” asks Chase wearily. “What’s the problem?”

“I don’t know,” snaps Blue, trying not to cry. “Maybe that we’re broke and he’s not in the health care system? Or that he’s mute and psychotic and they might treat him badly? That he might be scared, that he might be violent, that he might talk too much about his abusive family and all the people we’ve murdered? How about the fact that Jackie is going to be pissed and terrified? Chase, this isn’t going to work.”

Chase stares down at his feet for a second, eyes tired.

“Blue,” he says after a moment. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sick and hiding.”

Blue sighs, closing his eyes.

“You’re good, right, Chase?” he asks. “That’s not true what Jackie said. That you’re just acting like the sunshine kid to make me happy.”

Chase cringes slightly, looking away. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Fuck,” Blue curses, rubbing at his face. “Fuck…. fine. Okay. Okay, yes, we’re doing this. Jackie will flip his shit, but we’ll deal with it. Dapper, honey. We gotta go. Come with me, okay?”

Still just drawing. Just drawing in circles.

“How are we doing this?” asks Blue.

“I don’t know,” sighs Chase. “Carry him?”

“I’m going to pull him a little here,” warns Blue, reaching down. He ends up wrapping his arms tight around Dapper’s shoulders and heaving him to his feet even as Dapper starts to struggle, alarmed. Once he’s up he’s a little less steady, but less angry too, just blinking around at the world with tears in his eyes and a shaking piece of charcoal in his hand.

“Babe, we’re going to the hospital,” says Blue clearly. “Come on, okay?”

“I’m not allowed - ”

“You’re allowed. It’s okay. Chase, you ready?”

“What? No, I have to stay here with Dok.”

“You’re sticking me with him alone? You were the one who said he doesn’t like me that much right now!”

“What are we supposed to do, bring two tortured brothers into the ER? That won’t look suspicious!”

“So I’ll stay with Dok, then!”

Chase flinches, shaking his head rapidly.

“Chase - ”

“I’ll stay with him,” says Chase, creeping back towards the house. “I have to stay with him.”

Blue groans and turns to Dapper, who stares back at him with his huge, terrified eyes.

“Fine, fine,” he breathes out. “This is going to be a trainwreck. This is going to suck. Come on, buddy.”

“I’m not allowed.”

“You’re allowed.”

“I’m stuck in my room… he’s going to hurt me…”

“Come on, Dap.”

Anonymous asked: Chase, let Blue stay with Henrik. You need to be able to trust other people to take care of him. Get away from the twin hierarchy and let another brother care for him. JJ is scared of Blue currently, he needs someone he fully trusts to guide him. Henrik will be okay without you for just a few hours. Everything will be alright.

Chase shifts back towards the house, clinging to the doorway. He can hear Henrik playing with an old game of dominoes on the coffee table, clicking and placing the pieces together. He doesn’t want to go.

“Don’t you trust me?” asks Blue.

“It’s not about that,” says Chase.

“So what’s it about.”

“He’s mine,” snarls Chase, face darkening. “Not yours. Not anybody else’s. And when he wakes up, it’s me he’s coming back to.”

He turns on Blue and shuts the door.

Anonymous asked: He doesn't belong to you Chase. Henrik is his own person, and he is not to be treated like he's helpless just because he can't speak. Don't be possessive in that way, it too reminiscent of Anti.

Chase chews on his nails, staring at his brother. Henrik is putting the domino pieces together right, or at least in a way that makes sense. Matching colors and numbers. He’s there, just… far away.

“Sorry, Blue,” he calls through the door.

Blue snorts on the other side. “That was fast. You have a temper like a bunny rabbit. Go get Dapper some shoes.”

Chase moves off to find the nearest pair of torn-up sneakers, tired of the day already. He hands them over to Blue and watches him help lace them onto Dapper’s feet, sinking down onto the couch beside Henrik. He moves one of his dominoes and Henrik’s eyes flicker up to him, slightly narrow in a way that makes Chase think maybe he knows he’s being played with. He laughs weakly and touches his brother’s cheek. Henrik gazes at him, blinking.

“I should never have left you alone, man,” whispers Chase. “I wish you were here to forgive me. I just don’t want you to be alone again when you come back.”

Henrik stares at him. His glasses are a little crooked on his nose. A little broken and a little crooked. His twin.

Henrik reaches slowly out and wraps his arms around his neck, letting his head fall down onto Chase’s shoulder. Chase feels a shaky breath escape from his chest. He tries to move slowly. Tries not to startle him. Can’t break this.

He hugs his brother back slowly, his hands pressing into his back. They seem to fit just right.

“I’ll take him if you really want,” Chase tells him a few minutes later, sliding back towards Blue. “Dok’s okay. Dapper’s not.”

“I almost want to take him now,” sighs Blue. “That’s my job, right?”

“Doesn’t have to be.”

“He’s already upset with me. If you take him, he might be mad at you too.”

“Either way will be okay with me.”

Anonymous asked:

Would either one of you be more confident dealing with medical professionals and paperwork and all that to get him admitted? I'd lean more towards Chase just because JJ and Marv are still having a hard time, but of course it's up to y'all. There's practical bits to taking him to a hospital that y'all can consider too.

A

“Oh, hell,” says Chase. “I don’t even know my fake name. Or his.”

“I gave you your ID, how can you not know that?”

“I don’t know where it is, haha.”

“Chase!”

“I’ll find it…”

Anonymous asked: You are allowed to go Dapper. You are free, Anti is gone. You can finally have therapy and doctors and medicine. No one tells you what to do anymore. You are 'allowed' to do anything at all, especially if it's helpful and beneficial for your health.

“Do you want to pick, bud?” asks Blue, putting a hand on his back. “You can make your own choice now, they’re right. It’s okay. It’s allowed.”

Dapper stares at Blue. Stares at Chase. Stares at Blue.

“Okay, this is going nowhere,” crabs Blue, taking his hand. “Chase, bring Dok and come with us on the bus. You guys can go for a walk or something while we check in. It’ll be good for Dok to get out and about. We’ll leave Jackie a note. Come on.”

“That works.”

scunneredzombie asked: You are allowed to get help, buddy. Anti is dead. You're free from your room. You can finally get the help you need, it'll all be okay. I know it must be terrifying, but you can finally have your medicine and have therapy and people to help you through it. Repeat to yourself. Anti is dead. Anti can't control you anymore.

They go for a walk and sit on the bus with what little cash Blue was keeping from Jackie, exhausted together, though Dapper is a buzzing ball of nervous energy beside Blue, staring out the window like he doesn’t understand how they’re moving or what they’re moving past. Chase and Dok are behind them, Chase’s eyes fixed on his little brother’s head. Dapper flinches every time someone coughs or shifts or yawns around him. Like everything in the world is waiting to hurt him.

“Look at you, all mussed up,” sighs Blue, licking his thumb and trying to wipe some of the charcoal off his brother’s face. “All that curly hair growing out and all these old cuts and bruises. And so skinny. I should have made sure you ate last night. I just hid from you all. No wonder you ended up freaking out on the porch all night. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Dapper clings to the window, leaning forward to trace a dog passing by. Blue tries to smooth down his hair, stroking across the mess of his locks, scratching at his short beard.

“They’re right, okay?” he murmurs, trying to clean him up, though he knows the lot of them must look like disasters. They are disasters right now. “You control yourself. Just a little sick right now. Anti is gone. He’s gone, Dap. It’s just you and - ”

Dapper whirls on him and grabs his face between his hands, staring at him dead on. Chase’s nervous hand reaches out to grab Dapper’s wrist. Blue waits, frozen.

Dapper draws back again, still looking at him.

“You’re okay,” says Blue softly, because if he loses it on the bus, they’re screwed. “You’re okay.”

“Is it you?” asks Dapper.

“I’m whoever you need me to be right now, Dapper.”

Dapper blinks, apparently considering this. After a second he nods and sinks down in his seat, looking back out the window.

Anonymous asked: Sorry, I haven't been here for a bit - do any of you have phones? Can you contact Jackie? I'm a touch concerned that he could come home to an empty house. Is there a camera there for us to talk to him, at least?

“He did that to me this morning,” grouses Blue. “And he took the only phone. But yes, there are extra cameras at home when he gets back. And maybe he’ll actually have found us somewhere to stay… now that we’ve messed up the porch and eaten most of the food, I don’t think we’re exactly discreet.”

“Is it you?” asks Dapper again, looking back at Blue.

“I don’t know,” answers Blue. “Who do you think I am?”

Dapper shakes his head, blinking. “I’m… not sure. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Blue laughs weakly, smoothing out an extra strand of his hair.

“Weird, I was just thinking that too. Maybe we haven’t met.”

“No?”

“We really don’t know each other at all, huh? When he was still alive, you were just the brother in the basement I was supposed to save. His twin, wrapped around his finger. I think maybe that’s why I’ve been so ticked off. You still remind me of him. It’s all I’ve ever associated you with.”

“Do you want me to be something else?”

“No,” says Blue quickly, squeezing his hand. “No, just yourself. Just healthy and yourself.”

“Is it you?”

“It’s Blue, Dapper.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“Okay. We’re friends?”

“We’re siblings. But I’d like to be friends sometime too.”

“You’re being funny with me, Anti,” says Dapper, laying his head on his shoulder. “You always laugh at me when I’m sick.”

Blue lets it go, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“We’re almost to help, JJ.”

scunneredzombie asked: JJ, try to stay calm at the hospital. Strangers will have to touch you to check you out and keep you healthy. Strangers will have to watch over you to make sure you don't hurt yourself/anyone. You'll be perfectly okay and none of them mean you harm. They should be understanding if you lash out, just try your best. I believe in you, all of you!

“Ready?” asks Chase as the hospital comes into view, leaning forward.

“Where are we?” Dapper asks.

“He’s talking now. Maybe we can just go back home?”

“Blue, no,” chides Chase. “Dapper, let’s go get you to a doctor, okay?”

Dapper looks up at Blue in alarm, gripping his hand. “It’s okay,” offers Blue. “Don’t sweat it. People are here to help.”

“This is a test,” signs Dapper uncertainly. “You’re testing me.”

“No.” Blue switches to signing, hoping to avoid as many odd looks as they can. “Dapper, you know that you’re paranoid when you’re off your meds. You know that’s what those thoughts are. No one’s testing you and no one’s trying to hurt you. Some people are going to come help and they’re probably going to touch you and maybe have needles and that sort of thing, but you need to stay calm.”

“You’re going to leave me here, then,” Dapper says, his breath hitching. “You - I did something wrong and you’re going to have me locked up. I don’t even remember, you can’t do this to me.”

“Nobody’s leaving you here.”

Dapper’s shaken, eyes flickering around the bus. Blue takes his arm and pulls him carefully to his feet. “I’m going to stay right with you,” he says clearly. “I’m going to stay right here.”

“You don’t want me to take him?” asks Chase.

“He thinks I’m Anti,” mumbles Blue. “I think that’s the only reason he’s not attacking us or running for his life right now.”

Dapper clings to him in return, shaking. They help him off the bus amid a crowd of people. Dapper cowers against Blue’s chest, scrambling for a knife at his side, but there’s nothing there.

“Why are we out in the open like this?” his hands snap. “You’re just being reckless now.”

“We’re allowed to be out in the open. No one’s coming for us.”

“Make them be quiet, Anti, make them be quiet!” He clutches his ears, knees buckling, and Blue grabs him, keeping him on his feet and hurrying forward with him.

“Dapper,” calls Chase, worried.

“Chase, just take Henrik to the park or something. Keep calm.”

“You stole me and now you’re putting me back,” protests Dapper frantically, his feet scraping against the ground as he tries to pull against Blue’s grip. “Like you said you’d put me in an asylum and I’d never get out.”

“Anti told you that?”

“I know I can’t handle it without you, I know, don’t punish me!”

“Dapper - ”

“I’ll break everything if you’re not around,” he sobs, gripping at Blue’s shirt between signs. “I don’t have any control of myself, of my magic, when you’re not around. You have to keep me in control.”

“Dapper, you can handle this on your own! He just wanted you to believe you were helpless without him, he just - ”

“You’re not even real, why are you still hurting me?” He strikes Blue’s chest, crying in earnest, his face swollen in red. “If I didn’t need you so badly do you know how long ago I would have left?”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t!” shouts Blue, grabbing Dapper’s wrist. “And don’t you dare fucking hit me! You could have run from Anti like I did! I let him take me for the sake of the others, but you! Why did you ever let him keep you like that? Huh?”

“Sir! Hey, do you need help?”

Blue barely hears it. “Why don’t you tell me that, JJ?” he screams, shaking him. “Why didn’t you fight him?”

“You liar,” sobs JJ, pulling away from him, near crumpled in half. “You promised me. You said you would let the others go. I wasn’t enough for you. I hate that Blue got to kill you. I hate that I was such a coward. You took everything from me. I should have killed you slow and painful. I loved you too though. I don’t know what I was holding on to. Maybe if I had been the one to do it you wouldn’t still be here haunting me. You don’t know how much I hate myself. Coward. I should have been the one to do it.”

Blue feels a sob in his throat, his eyes burning. He crashes back into Dapper, grabbing his face and shoving their heads together, meeting his gaze, and his little brother looks back with his tortured eyes, and Blue is sorry for everything he’s been through and everything they’ve lost together.

“He sucks, doesn’t he?” he manages finally.

Jameson sinks against his chest, closing his eyes.

“I hate myself lately too, little brother. We’ll get through it.”

“I’m always going to be dangerous. I can’t control myself without Anti in my head. We’re twins. We can’t survive without each other.”

“Nah,” offers Blue, shaking his head. “No, that’s just more of Anti’s stupid brother system. The cameras were right. It all has to fall apart. We’re going to help you figure out how to stay in control without needing him. Okay?”

JJ stares up at him. “Are you sure?”

“Sure I’m sure. You must have done it before Anti came to take you. When we were living in the house in the woods. When things were kind. Things will be kind again. We just gotta take some steps.”

Jameson watches the sidewalk, thinking.

“It just starts with this, okay?” says Blue, taking his hand. “With getting some real help.”

“I’m… I’m going to get left here. Stuck again. Stuck.”

“No. We’d never leave you behind.”

“Even if you get mad?”

“Yeah, even if I get mad.”

“Even if I remind you of Anti?”

“Yeah. That’s my shit, not yours. I’ll get past it. Cause I love you.”

Jameson looks up, and for a second, his eyes are clear.

“Oh, silly,” he says, laughing faintly at himself. “Sorry, I just realized it’s you.”

“There you go,” beams Blue, relieved. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

“Marvin,” signs JJ fondly, touching his cheek. “Yeah, I see you now.”