#how much is a zweihander

[blumineck]

I have been wondering about this for years and I need to know, how would someone carry a zweihander that is almost as tall as them? You can't really carry it in a normal scabbard

Great question! Here's a hastily thrown together video answer:

Essentially, scabbards are for conveniently carrying weapons when you don't expect to use them right now. Weapons of this size are so bulky that you simply wouldn't carry one /unless/ you intended to use it (even if what you intend to use it for is intimidation rather than actual combat). In which case, you want it in your hands, and ready for use.

(That's not to say that you couldn't make a scabbard design for a huge sword, and I've seen some viable options, but for the most part I don't think there's much point. I've taken weapons of this size to a LARP, and even if you can strap it to your back, you end up taking it off any time you want to go through a door, bend over, walk in a group, run, sit down, climb a tree, do a flip, tie your laces, or basically do anything that's not carefully walk in a straight line.)

[howtofightwrite]

Have you read GRRM books? He claims swords needed to be “especially designed for women’s hands” how true is this?

About as true as all of those, “girl guns.” Because, as you know, a woman cannot hold a Glock unless it's pink or sky blue. Which is to say, not even remotely true.

You might get a situation where a child would be unable to operate a weapon designed for adults because the grip is too cumbersome, but even this is going to be something of an outlier. Even years later the Nicholas Cage's line from Lord of War (2005) sticks with me, when describing the AK he narrates, “...so simple a child could use it, and they do.”

Just like basically any other common grip you encounter in your daily life, from screwdrivers to steering-wheels and cell phones, selling smaller, or more colorful ones, is strictly a marketing gimick.

Now, is a legitimate context, but it doesn't really have anything to do with the wielder's sex. If they had the money, the time, and the desire for a perfect grip, they might commission a smith to produce a grip specifically for their hand. Though, the only place I've ever come across this was in competitive fencing. I have seen cases where someone modifies their blade's grip with tape or other materials to better fit their hand, or the addition of a leather (usually shagreen) wrap over their grip, but even that is somewhat unusual. (Shagreen is leather from a shark or ray, and it grips the skin, making it easier to hold, especially when wet.)

Ironically, girl guns do illustrate the one case where have some weight: Weapons as fashion accessories.

I know I've complained about weapons (particularly handguns) as fashion accessories in previous posts, but the truth is that using weapons like this is not new behavior. In the early modern era, one of the ways the rising middle class liked to display their status was with a sidearm. (In this case, referring to a sidesword or, later, a rapier.) I've looked specifically into women carrying sidearms at that point in history, but it really would not surprise me in the least if they did, and if there were, that at least some of those swords were specifically designed to be more delicate and, “feminine,” per their owner's tastes. (Though, to be fair, a more delicate grip on a rapier would be fairly impressive, as the grips tend to be pretty thin.) This is a case where you might want to look into it further, if it really catches your interest, but I've never really run this down before.

If you're still dubious, feel free to wander into nearly any HEMA event, and you'll have a better than average chance of a woman being willing to prove this idea false with a Zweihander, that may in fact be taller than she is. (Historically, Zwiehanders could be over 2 meters long, and chances extremely good that you're shorter than 2 meters.)

I know I'm regurgitating previous posts here, but it really is worth remembering that swords are much lighter than people think. Zweihanders are some of the heaviest battlefield swords from history, and even the heaviest examples weigh less than 9lbs. Women in HEMA can, and do, use them effectively. Swords aren't about being big and heavy, they're about being a (in this case) seven foot long razor blade.

Since we're on the Zweihander specifically (and this may also apply for some of the other greatswords, such as the Scottish Claymore), this is a case where you might have a custom weapon forged for you. However, in this case, that's more about the right blade length, then worrying about the grip being too thick or too thin. Ideally, you want the blade length to match your height (roughly), this is because of the drills with the weapon itself, though you could adjust to a longer blade if that's what you had.

Now, to be clear, the idea of someone, particularly a noble, having a blade custom forged for them specifically isn't strange. That's something that did happen, both at the noble's request, and also as diplomatic gifts from other nations. Examples of the latter resulted in beautiful art pieces that you would never take into battle.

If you had a situation where you couldn't use a sword because the grip was too large (for, whatever reason), there are ways to fix that. In an ideal situation, you could simply pop off the pommel and grip, and then replace the grip with one that was a better fit to your hand. If the tang itself was the problem (this is the metal core of the grip, and is part of the blade, which the pommel attaches to), you might be able to shave (or file) down the tang, and then replace the grip with a new one, fitted to the now smaller tang. I'm not particularly wild about modifying the tang directly, simply because there is a (minor) risk of reducing the structural integrity of the sword in the process. Though, replacing the grip (especially on a sword with a threaded pommel) is very doable, and unless someone, somehow, screws up catastrophically, it should be a pretty trivial modification. (Again, replacing a sword's original grip with a new shagreen grip does make a lot of sense if the owner wants that improved grip.)

But, to the original question, it's not really a thing.

-Starke

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[what-even-is-thiss]

Trying to calculate Skyrim weight units

Does this have any meaning in the real world? No. But when a sword weighs 10 or more weight units I think to myself there’s no way that translates to real world pounds because a sword doesn’t weigh ten pounds so this is bothering me now so I’m gonna use my limited math skills to figure this out

My first thought was to use weapons to calculate it. The ebony blade is pretty similar to a real world two handed odashi sword which weighs like 3-ish pounds? The in-game weight of the ebony blade is 10 weight units so if that’s our ruler then one Skyrim weight unit is 0.3 lbs or 0.13 kg

Another historical sword is the zweihande. The heaviest type of two handed sword generally used. In the heavy end a zweihande can weigh 8.8 lbs. a two handed steel sword in Skyrim is 17 weight units so with this as our ruler one weight unit is 0.51 lbs or 0.23 kg.

So swords are inconsistent. What about dishes? If you look at the rectangular wooden plates in game they look pretty similar to wooden plates people use irl. A comparable product of a similar looking size from Walmart weighs 0.43 lbs. the in game weight is 0.5. If we use this as our ruler then one weight unit would be 0.86 lbs or 0.39 kg

Off from all our other measurements. What’s something else that exists in the real world that isn’t just the minimum weight in game? A cabbage? The last cabbage I bought was about 2 pounds. The in game weight of a cabbage is 0.3 units. So then one in game unit is 6.67 lbs or 3.03 kg.

So I think what I’ve learned from this exercise is that video game developers don’t know how much things weigh. Just in general. And I think I need a nap also.

[princewylder]

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!!

So I'll be honest, I really do like any kind of sword (arming swords, bastard swords, katanas, scimitars, etc) but I do have three swords that I would probably consider my top favorite swords. Mostly due to design, but also sometimes in how they were used (as you'll see). So:

Number 3: Claymore

I think the reason I adore this sword is because of the name and the hilt! The name itself comes from Claidheamh Mór - which to my knowledge is Scottish Gaelic specifically but it roughly translates to Large/Great Sword. Which is a pretty good name for it honestly. I believe the hilt has a specific name (which escapes me at the moment) but look at it! I think it's a really nice example of how you can have a hilt be unique/stylish and practical! The little circle shapes at the end are so pretty imo...

Number 2: Falchion

An Italian sword (apparently I like Italian weaponry....) that I just think looks really cool! I like the thicker blade (makes it much more effective for cutting) and they always have really nice hilt designs.

And number 1: Executioner Swords

Yep. I absolutely ADORE these things. I think because they are quite different from a regular sword both in terms of usage and design (the curved point looks really nice to me idk) and also as a lot of these were ceremonial/used for a specific purpose (executions) a lot of them have really impressive designs with really bad ass quotes/phrases engraved into the blade. I actually got to see one in person at a castle I went to last year! I don't think I was able to hold it (preservation reasons) but it was soooo cool being able to see it...

I'm not sure how clear it is in the picture but do you see the engravings!!! The level of detail put into these swords always blows my mind

prince i would like to know. whats your favorite kind of polearm? (not necessarily european, any blade on a long shaft counts in my book)

OOHH that is an exciting question thank you!!!

OK I'll admit, my knowledge of polearms is limited compared to my knowledge of swords but I do have two standout favourites (cheating a little with two but one I only learned about recently...)

First one is the halberd! Probably a basic choice but I really like the shape of it and its versatility! It can be used as a traditional spear of course but the axe head and the hook (used I think to help footman drag cavalry off their horses?) add some nice variety to it!

Second is one I learnt about recently actually, the corseque! I really love the shape of this thing (it's Italian in origin I believe) and where the precursor to the glaive apparently (another polearm I like)

[catwalks-on-high-if]

Welcome to the Requiem

Welcome to CORSAIR

Mech pilots, the heart and soul of CORSAIR. The mercenaries of legends fighting anyone and everyone as long as the price is paid. If you want a job done at the end of the day you hire them. But this story isn't about the pilots, at least not really.

You've never left your home, let alone your homeworld. But after an... incident at work you don't have much of a choice if you want to keep your freedom. Opportunity knocks in strange ways, that being CORSAIR Mercenary Company.

With a knack for being able to fix things along with a greater than average knowledge of mech scale weaponry this should be easy. That is till you're thrown head first into the arms of the Graveyard Shift mechanic team. They're not the problem though, that honor goes to Zweihander Squadron and their trio of bullet magnet pilots.

Find your place in the home for the lost and forgotten, make your time there matter before it all burns away.

[Catwalks on High is rated 18+ for: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Themes, Explicit Violence, Use of Drugs and Alcohol, and more]

Let Me Show You The Features

Customize your mechanic: Their appearance, sexuality, gender identity. How they work under pressure, what vices keep them steady and what reason they have to stick around with the Graveyard Shift.

Explore the relationship of replacing someone in a culture built around comradery.

Fall in love (if that's your cup of tea), make friendships that last the test of time (hopefully that's your cup of tea), burn bridges and make rivals, and make the Requiem your home.

Work grueling hours to let pilots do what they do best: Stand in the spotlight.

Learn the names under the callsigns by getting close, or pushing people to the brink

Get Injured! Yay!

The Graveyard Shift

Callsign: Gearshift [Team Lead] (He/Him) (Bisexual Greyromantic) 5ft 7in 35 Years Old

Gearshift is the most mechanic mechanic you have ever laid eye on, steady hands, steady temper, and an utter workaholic despite forcing the rest of the team to clock out on the dot. He's certainly interested in things outside of work but good luck getting him to talk about it. After all, work is work, social life is social life. When you replace someone's friend can you ever be anything other than the spare tire?

(Gearshift will not get into a romantic relationship with the Mechanic but is willing to have a one night stand)

Callsign: Slab [Stabilizing Factor] (They/Whatever Works For The Joke) (Pansexual) 4ft 10in 27 Years Old

Slab is the master of internal workings in a frame, crawling inside a mech faster than most people can tie their shoes, the reckless abandon of them is only matched by the crass humor. Providing the emergency repairs needed to make sure the mech doesn't blow up once it's in the Hangar Slab has a odd view on everything with a timer, which includes themself Can you plan for a future in which someone is already dead?

(Slab has a poly route with Callsign: Screwball)

Callsign: Chiptune [Diagnostics] (He/Him) 5ft 9in 44 Years Old

Chiptune is a methodical presence on the team, while he might not be doing the hardest job his knack for technology certainly pays off on keeping mechs in perfect electronic shape. He's always got a story to keep the chatter going no matter the time, though the others will claim that he's bound to run out of tales eventually... right?

Callsign: Vanaema [Hull Work] (She/Her) 5ft 5in 68 Years Old

Crass, abrasive, downright hostile, irate. All terms that could describe the woman who has to pound titanium alloy back into shape. She'll be late to clock in, late to clock out, hostile to the pilots. But so help the gods if you mess with her those she see's as family you'll come to understand that she's been nice this entire time.

Callsign: Lightfingers [Designated Medic] (He/They) 5ft 9in 34 Years Old

Lightfingers or just Fingers for short is the doctor, calm to fault he won't pick a fight in the team even for a second. Yet for all of his composure something feels melancholic about him. At the end of the shift he's your rock, he's the lighthouse for the pilots of Zweihander, and a ghost when off the clock.

(Fingers will not allow you to be his rival. You can hate him all you want but he won't hate back)

B "Callsign: (Player Choice)" Chesterfield (Variable Pronouns) 5ft 3in Same Age As The Player Character

Barnes/Becky/Barry has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. Years of getting lost in places you shouldn't together, tighter than any knot. They couldn't protect you the night of the incident. But that doesn't matter anymore now that you're both free of it.

Zweihander Squadron

Callsign: Siren Piloting: Penelope (She/Her) (Lesbian: Siren will only date Nonbinary and Female Mechanics) 6ft 2in 32 Years Old

Siren is the perfect ideal of a pilot. A ferocious killing machine on the battlefield, the perfectly sociable friend off the battlefield, even willing to help take on the work of others. Her team loves her, the company adores her, and something about her still feels off to you deep in your gut. Can you love a knight who isn't as shining as she seems?

(Siren is the only R.O who the Mechanic can be in a Rivalry with and have a one night stand)

Callsign: Walkman Piloting: Miami Calling (They/Them) 5ft 5in Unspecified Age

The most uncanny member of Zweihander Squadron, Walkman is a bizarre case. Starting from the refusal to not wear a hardsuit helmet with the face of a smiling catfish stenciled on they already make an odd impression. Throw in the fact they only communicate via chopped up audio bites and you have an uncomfortable experience for most. Despite this Walkman seems the least standoffish to your introduction to the Graveyard Shift.

Callsign: Screwball Piloting: Sweet Summer Tea (He/Him) (Gay: Screwball will only date Nonbinary and Male Mechanics) 5ft 5in 29 Years Old

Screwball is... odd. Deeply in love with his mech, no matter who he's friends with they will always come third in his life. The mech, his dog, then everyone else. Screwball adores his frame, treat it with such care most spouses would be jealous and sleep in it. Letting someone as new as you near the frame is risk, but for some reason one he's willing to take even if tentatively. You'll always come third, is that a sacrifice you're willing to make?

(Screwball has a poly route with Callsign: Slab)

The Repairman (And Child)

Callsign: Vent Bait [Station Repair] (He/Him) (Bisexual) 6ft 3in 38 Years Old

Vent Bait is the flexible one getting into every nook and cranny to patch all the problems that could crop up. He's overworked, exhausted, in pain, oh and a single father taking care of a teenager. He's even tempered and a shoulder to lean on, but from the looks of it he needs a shoulder more than you. It's not a question of getting him to like you. It's if Constellation (his kid) is willing to let you stay close. This isn't just a date, it's a responsibility, can you handle it?

(Vent Bait will not date anyone younger than 35 Years Old. Vent Bait will also leave the story quickly if the Mechanic is hostile or attempts to instigate a rivalry with him)

Constellation ??? (They/It) 5ft 10in 15 Years Old Constellation would currently rather shiv you than let you anywhere near it's dad. They're not interested in any of the work their dad does and it's not clear where they're headed in the Company. What is clear is the lengths they will go to in order to protect their father.

(You CANNOT rival the child)

[cottagesapphic]

got to do a rapier-specific class in my fencing club today and it was sooooo fun, i want to learn a bit of as many weapons as i can!

it made me Think about how swords are talked about in The Locked Tomb. Like Gideon talks about how scrawny and weak Harrow is and how she would struggle to handle her two-hander sword, and how she Did struggle in the final battle but was able to hold it up through the power of love and friendship etc. and how rapiers are so much smaller and lighter.

But as someone who isnt rlly scrawny but isnt terribly strong either, i struggled so much more with the rapier today than i ever have with longsword. two-handed weapons are much easier to hold up for long periods of time and the training longswords we use aren’t that heavy, for me. but i had to take so many breaks with the rapier and my hand muscles especially felt worn out. granted, a zweihander is certainly bigger than a longsword, and maybe Harrow would even struggle with a longsword, but i definitely don’t think she would have the one-arm or grip strength for a rapier.

also now knowing that zweihanders/greatswords were mainly used for keeping opponents away from you, crowd control, maintaining a wide berth around you, etc makes me want to go back and analyze Gideon’s fight scenes with Cytherea with her zweihander and see if i can try to visualize it. like i want to find material about accuracies/inaccuracies in how swords/swordfighting are written in TLT

[agent-calivide]

I hear you're considering art requests...? Σ(･ิ¬･ิ)

Phoenix and Juniper having a good ol' swordfight. Playfully or seriously, either works. I feel like Juniper would use an epee just for flair, and Phoenix would have none of that nonsense and go for a zweihander, but now I'm thinking too much.

Swords, yes. (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

Swords yES

I love how you gave Juniper a fancy swoosh flourish blade and Phoenix the equivalence of a battle ax. Even being the biggest and heaviest fencing sword looks so small compared to the ZWEIHANDER

This was a fun one, thank you for the request!

[adachimoe]

origins & notes for the 2nd year gang's weapon names in p4

uhh there's probably a bunch i missed lol

protag-kun:

he has a lot of swords a western person has probably heard of it in other games (like the zweihander and bastard sword) and katanas (for example the "midare hamon" refers to the crazy wave pattern on the edge of the katana), but some of them are also specific

musashishinai: more-or-less same thing as the bamboo sword the protag has during the crossdressing contest

98 gunto: a sword used by the army

shichiseiken / seven star sword: said to be a sword with gold bits that form the big dipper, hence the "seven stars"

tajikarao sword: referring to ame no tajikarao. i think he's revered as like... a god of physical strength, as he's the one who pried open amaterasu's cave?

futsu no mitama: a sword said to be wielded by japan's first emperor, also used by takemikazuchi (kanji's 1st persona)

tsubaki otoshi: i believe this was considered a sign of bad luck...? refers to how a tsubaki / camellia flower falls to the ground as a whole flower, instead of petal by petal.

blade of totsuka: the sword that izanagi used to beat the crap out of his fire child (kagutsuchi) after kagutsuchi's flames burnt izanami to death during childbirth

yosuke:

a lot of his are named after japanese short swords: for example, a kozuka is a small sword attached to a bigger sword's sheath, kaiken (meaning "sword inside of your breast pocket") is a small sword one might carry inside of their breast pocket similar to carrying a pocket knife for self-defense, a santou or yamagatana is like a hatchet you'd carry around doing mountain and forestry work, etc

a lot of his also have ninja (or "this feels related to ninja stuff i guess") references: hattori, fuuma kotaro, basho (matsuo basho), flying kato (danzo kato), rappa, the various kunai, kashin koji (not a ninja but a "magician")

yashio'ori dagger: this one is a reference to yosuke's 2nd persona, susanoo. as the legend goes, susanoo defeated yamata no orochi by getting orochi drunk with some alcohol he brewed ahead of time. this alcohol is referred to as "yashioori (no) sake".

yashima: this is kind of an ancient-y term for the "eight islands" of japan. which islands count as the 8 seems to vary based on which myth you're reading lol. (in modern days, we'd only count it as 4...? i think)

ohorinomikoto: i think this was supposed to "hoori no mikoto". the weapon effect decreases how much fire damage you take. it's named and referencing hoori, who's dad thought his wife was not uwu pure when they fucked since she got pregnant with his child like Immediately, so he lit her maternity hut on fire. anyway, hoori and mom (konohanasakuya, yukiko's 1st persona) lived. they had null fire equipped i guess.

malakh: i assume this is supposed to be hebrew word for angel.

chie:

adios shoes and nice shoes: parodies of adidas and nike (adios is probably obvious, not sure if nice is too lol)

kehaya: named after taima no kehaya, a japanese figure who was known for his kicks

bishamonten and furinkazan: these are banners/slogans used by uesugi kenshin and takeda shingen. maybe chie is a sengoku gal.

she also has easily identifiable norse names (sleipnir, vidar, mjollnir)

moses sandals: in jp these are called the miracle of moses instead. i would believe that chie can part the sea by kicking it.

yukiko:

tesseb: this one is really funny imo lol... the japanese is 鉄扇 which would be pronounced "tessen" and means an iron fan. if you notice, on an english keyboard, "b" and "n" are right next to each other, so...

hanachirusato and yume no ukihashi: these are both chapters in the tale of genji, and they are also used as score names in the traditional fan throwing game, tosenkyo.

disco fan: the weapon model is a fluffy/feathery fan, and the jp name is "juli fan". those fluffy/feathery fans are nicknamed "juli fans" in jp because of the disco club "juliana's" in tokyo. i think disco fan is a great loc.

suzaku feather: despite its name in english, the japanese name is kujaku, referring to a peacock.

kachofugetsu: a japanese phrase/concept about nature. each character = "flowers, birds, wind, and moon".

yukiko has a variety of fans named after foreign words: courtesia, adoracion, secreto, pieta. i'm not 100% sure about this, but i have read that these were all names of japanese race horses who were active in ~2005-2006, so there is a possibility that whoever named her weapons was a race horse enjoyer? an uma musume player ahead of their time... sounds like a coincidence after poking around

[inevitableisopod]

Bigger Angrier Men

So, the landsknecht, and their signature weapons! in this post i'll mainly be focussing on one of these weapons in particular, the doppelhander (or zweihander, or bidenhander, or montante, or spadone, they're all basically the same weapons for all intents and purposes)

(some original examples)

so, features!

firstly, as it pertains to the landsknchect, these swords had very very long grips(over 50cm including the pommel), large often spherical pommels, or perhaps scent stopper style, very wide curving guards, often with side rings to offer additional hand protection

(more examples)

and now the business end! these blades were often well over 120cm long, and had several interesting and unusual features, firstly, a blunt portion at the bottom of the blade that can be grabbed and gripped in numerous ways without paying much attention (you can grip a sharp blade without too much trouble but it's rather difficult to do without cutting yourself in the heat of the moment) this allowed our big murderous bastards to more easily control the tip of their weapons and made them much more suited to close combat against single opponents, the a smidge further up the blade we have the parrying flukes. these we don't know exactly how they would have been useful but there are a few good guesses; it acts as a forward guard when gripping the blade (half swording), it acts as a way to trap blades in binding and winding, or simply aesthetics. most likely a combination of all three and several other factors i've probably forgotten. lastly, the wavy blades; this is another thing where we do not know why. it may be that it offers additional cutting performance, or some other benefit, but it would take considerably longer to manufacture and be much more fragile (remember, real sword blades break. they might chip, have notches cut into them, have chucks crack out of the edge or even just straight up shatter). it might have been a prestige thing, which is absolutely in character for the half crazed dress sense usually exhibited by these people, and also, ive you've ever been lucky enough to see one in the sunlight, the name of the blade style, flamberge (flaming), becomes rather apparent, as the entire blade lights up in shifting patterns that seem to ripple like silver fire.

aigt so anatomy aside, how do you use the bastard? we have several iberian (spanish/portugese) and i believe a german and italian manual on how to use these, and most of the techniques appear to revolve around an individual idea, which is as follows. large continuous motions, usually swapping between the false and true edge. these actions begin and end in positions where it is easy to flow into another movement that doesn't necessarily seem to flow from the previous one, quickly and easily, but the user can also choke up and use the sword more like a short polearm for single combat, or against heavier armour. this leads us to a conclusion, which is that these swords were explicitly designed to even the score against multiple opponents by creating a large zone of area denial where to oppenents cannot go for fear of having their brains beaten out of their ears (if wearing a lighter helmet), or just being bisected. the idea is during these large movements you use the momentum of the sword to turn quickly to face new opponents continuously (spinning, basically) and so is an ideal bodyguards weapon. also, from personal experience, having been part of a reconstructed scenario where 3 people armed with longswords had to fight a montante wielder, it's fucking terrifying, the thing comes around unbelievably quickly and hits like a truck so it's rather hard to parry if your unlucky enough to have to do so. more often that not it just collapsed the structure of the parry and lead to a hit being scored. great fun to use though, very satisfying.

that'll be it today, and i'll continue the next post with the theme of even biggerer angrierer men, or possibly a sword review??????????? it's one ive had a while don't worry im not spending all my money. i'm also going back to my university this Sunday, so posts might be a tad more infrequent and also potentially much drunker, but i might also be open to doing some live streams on youtube or twitch if that's something you lot'd wanna see, it'd probably be me getting steadily drunker and answering questions sooooo just lemme know?

May your edges stay sharp, and your points true!

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 4 of bracket one

Propaganda:

For Yasha:

Big somft goth Viking barbarian lesbian who fights with a zweihander (and other big swords)

She's huge, she fights with a giant sword, looks intimidating but loves her friends and (eventual) gf so so much

For Zoro:

Literally training to be the greatest swordsman in the world. Has a special three swords technique (one blade in each hand plus one with the handle held in his teeth). I haven't read the manga or watched the anime but the live action adaptation gives me extremely gay vibes and based on the fandom things I've seen I'm not the only one

bro uses three swords. has one in his mouth. dont ask how the HELL he manages that. one day he will be the worlds greatest swordsman....after he beats the current greatest for both the titles of greatest swordsman and fruitiest swordsman. he's dramatic as FUUUCK like bro what the hell. has homoerotic fights with the local twink like everyday. directionally challenged, can and will get lost in a paper bag, doesnt know left from right...he probably cant read, too. hes too silly ngl

First of all, im in like episode 250 and so far he hasnt been shown attracted to any woman at all during the whole show so far, not even when one changed clothes in the same room as him and this is anime so you know there were other characters with bloody noses and shit. With that out of the way he wields three swords at once [two in his hands, one is his goddamn mouth dude. Its cool af trust me.] When he was little he made a promise to his best friend that he'd be the best swordsman in the world. Later she died in a tragic accident and left her sword which he still uses today. He also carries a cursed sword but he overpowers the curse with a combination of skill and sheer luck. He got stuck in a chimney. While his crewmates sail their ship he takes naps. He learned how to cut through metal by fighting a guy who could turn his body into metal blades. That's metal. He refuses to fight this liberal marine officer because she looks like his childhood best friend and its just understandably really awkward for him. He's autistic. He's a he/him bisexual lesbian. He's a gay man. He's ace/aro. He's whatever you want him to be babey!!

he has 3 swords, wields one in his mouth sometimes, his dream is to be the greatest swordsman in the world

three swords and big aroace-spec gay vibes

He not only has a sword he has *three* swords. He's absolutely gay there's no way to see this man as straight. Also one time he licked his sword for no reason and that was really funny to me so I had to mention it

Look, this man thinks about three things: Swords, His Captain, and Booze. He’s on a quest to be the worlds greatest swordsman. The Live action has a scene where he declares his undying, unwavering loyalty to his captain WHILE reaffirming his promise to be the worlds greatest swordsman. At this point His dream and his Captain are so intertwined it’s crazy. Man is so sword-y he’s got three of them. When one of his swords broke he carried its empty scabbard until he was able to give it a SWORD FUNERAL. He hears a sword is cursed and takes that as a challenge. He will literally tell his swords off for “bad behavior” when they “act up” due to being straight up cursed. He tests one by throwing it in the air and sticking his arm out to see if it is so blood thirsty and ill tempered that it will cut him. Even though he’s literally the first mate if you ask him what his role is he’s going to answer Swordsman.

He's dedicated his life to two things: becoming the greatest swordsman in the world and his captain, Luffy. 

He mastered the three sword style. Its his style. It would've been more swords but he could only fit one sword in each hand and one in his mouth. He wants to be the world's greatest swordsman, a deal he made with his childhood best frenemy (before she died falling down the stairs). He thought he was All That at the start and was almost completely decimated by the actual Worlds Greatest Swordsman. Now, after two years forced training with that guy, he's probably in the top tier no-doubt, and honestly could already be the best but we just don't know for sure yet. Also, did I mention: he's got the whole demon/devil imagery going on at times. And he has absolutely no sense of direction! plus is a total softie when it comes to Chopper and all the children who somehow gravitate towards him. And he loves naps!

One of the guy's main goals in life is to be the best sword fighter and he fights with three swords which I think is telling enough of his skill.

[howtofightwrite]

I have read your post about how size doesn't really matter if the two fighters are equally trained, but I wanted to ask if the same holds true in an armed fight? Like sword fights and the like? Sorry if this has been asked before, or if it is not your specific area of expertise. Thank you!!!!

I'm pretty sure we've covered this before but I'll go again.

The way you've phrased it is a little vague, and the answers are different.

If you're asking about to fighters with roughly equivalent gear, then, no, their size and weight won't matter that much. If you have a thirty-six inch razor blade, and your opponent has a thirty-six inch razor blade, it doesn't really matter if you're an inch taller. Hell, at that point, it really doesn't even matter much if you're a foot taller, yes that means your effective reach is going to be a little longer (about 6.2 inches in this case.) But, the difference between being able to take a swipe at someone standing seventy-eight inches away from you, versus being limited to a mere seventy-two inches, isn't a huge deal. Now, that extra six inches of reach isn't nothing (and, realistically, those numbers will be a little lower overall (I'm halving average arm/span, and assuming they're six and seven feet tall, which does result in one abnormally high number. When you start looking at more nominal height ranges, like 5'7 vs 5'11, the actual difference in reach will drop around an inch. Bluntly, that doesn't matter.)

Now, if you're asking about their weapons, this is an entirely different situation. A specific case we had in the past was someone who wanted their dual wielding dagger user to go toe to toe with someone armed with a greatsword. In the real world, greatswords tend to have, at least, a sixty inch blade, while most knives are going to be under a foot long. In a situation like this, the greatsword creates a five foot kill zone around its user that the dagger wielder cannot traverse. As a result, they cannot attack the greatsword user without some serious creativity, or the element of surprise.

This is true for all weapons. They all have both a maximum and minimum effective range, and while the wielder can often do things to keep the weapon, at least, partially functional at very close ranges (such as pommel strikes, or half-handing), the effective range of a weapon is extremely important to understand. Also, and I hope this was clear already, but this applies to melee weapons. It's pretty common to think about ranged weapons having a max effective range, but this is just as true of a sword or spear. Similarly, as I mentioned, they have a minimum effective range as well. A lone spear user can keep themselves safe from a dagger wielder if they can keep the knives out of reach, but if the dagger fighter manages to get past their spearhead, that weapon is going to be far less effective (though, it won't become completely useless. It is still a staff, with pointy bits.) (Also, minimum effective range does apply with ranged weapons as well. Again, not something we think about often, but it is true, and why things like the eight foot rule exists for handguns.)

It's a little out of scope here, but the weight of your weapon is also extremely important. The heavier a weapon is, the faster it will tire out its wielder. And, to slightly oversimplify, an exhausted fighter is a dead fighter. This is why swords are remarkably light, frequently weighing less than two pounds, with the upper end of the spectrum (the greatswords like the Claymore or Zweihander) still weighing than a well fed, adult, housecat. Heavy weapons can easily become a death sentence to their user. And you do not need a lot of weight to get the job done. An eight pound hammer is both shockingly heavy (as weapons go), but it will do unspeakable things to anyone it solidly connects with.

In a competitive sense, if your weapon is heavier that will turn into a disadvantage over time. It's difficult to exploit in a one on one fight, but on an afternoon battlefield, where the fighting has been going since dawn, that will have had a chance to wear down the wielders.

So, yes and no, it depends if you're asking about the fighters, where it doesn't matter, or the weapons, where it becomes extremely important.

-Starke

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[queen-scribbles]

listening ear

Pre-relationship (voyage to Tir Fradi) Ves & Kurt, as I cross my fingers and hope nurturing a plot bunny will stave off the desire to replay her for the fourth(fifth?) time. ---

The thing about traveling by ship was that it got boring after a few weeks.

The thing about traveling by ship with Constantin was that when he got bored he started to talk.

Not much thought to the topic, or propriety, anything was fair game. Rumors, gossip, complaints, new things he learned, teasing. Vesper had heard all about his seasickness("it's unrelenting, Ves, I may die"), his unrequited crush on one of the Nauts("I'm doomed to pining"), the sailing vocabulary he'd picked up, and light-hearted ribbing about her choice of books.

Perhaps that was why, today, she sought an excuse to be preoccupied when he went on the prowl.

She found Kurt in one of the lower holds--half-full, large rings in the walls; maybe for securing cages with those creatures?--replacing the leather that bound the grip of his zweihander.

Absorbed as he was, he still spoke even before he looked up. "Need something, Green Blood?"

"I was hoping to get some practice." She rolled her shoulders. "With swordplay."

"Keepin' your edge or lookin' to improve something?" Kurt asked, giving the leather a twist as he neared the bottom.

"Both to an extent," Vesper said, rolling up the sleeves of her shirt. "But I have been thinking about the day we left. My weak right guard? We could work on that, once you're done?"

"Whatever y' need, Excellency," he shrugged, starting to tie off the leather. "I'm yours to command."

"You can take the time to finish," she protested with a smile. "I'm hardly in a rush." She bit her lip. "I can even help if you need an extra hand."

Kurt gave her a keen look, grey eyes glittering with amusement. "Hiding from your cousin, are you?"

"Am I so obvious?" Vesper groaned, leaning against the wall. "I love him, and I'm loathe to hurt his feelings, but if I have to listen to another recitation of rigging vocabulary I may go mad."

She could confess these things to Kurt. He knew her, knew how she loved Constantin. He'd not breathe a word that, just once, she wanted a break from playing the listening ear, and he wouldn't judge, because he knew her cousin. She appreciated that a great deal.

He chuckled. "I do have the advantage of knowin' you a long while, Green Blood. Doubt it would be as clear to anyone else here."

"What a relief," she said drolly. "Hate to start a rumor."

Another chuckle as he eyed the zweihander grip. "As to your offer... I'm nearly done, but if you could hold it steady there" --he indicated a spot--"it would make the final binding a good bit easier."

"Of course." Vesper pushed away from the wall and rested three fingers in the spot. She watched his hands, methodical, confident, as he worked. "It looks almost like wound binding."

"S'ppose it is," Kurt grunted, tying it off at the end. He reached for a small knife to trim the excess.

""I suppose you have practice with that as well, then," she murmured absently, withdrawing her hand and eyeing how well done the wrap was.

"My share," he shrugged, then cleared his throat. "Ready to practice, Excellency?"

"Mm... oh. Yes." Vesper brushed at hair that wasn't really loose and glanced around. "Do you think here will serve? Or do we need to seek out more space?"

Kurt surveyed the hold. "If I'm gonna do my usual, a little more overhead might be wise." He reached up and tapped the rafters. "Don't think our esteemed captain would like me puttin' dents in his ship."

"Probably not," she laughed in agreement. "That means either the lower hold for a higher ceiling but darker surroundings, or up on deck."

"D'you have a preference?" he asked, arching a brow.

Vesper met it with a wry smile. "Do I mind having an audience, should you land me on my backside again, in other words. No, I do not. I just need.... practice. A break." She scuffed one boot against the deck, vaguely guilty for voicing the sentiment. "From indefatigable chatter."

Kurt nodded, understanding that bordered on amusement flashing in the grey of his eyes. "Everyone has their limits, Green Blood, that's no failing." He stepped closer, clapped a hand to her shoulder. "Below decks will suit just fine."

She flashed a grateful smile and they retrieved practice blades before heading down to the lowest holds. Best to not risk damaging anything with real weapons, no matter their respective skill.

She did need this, Vesper mused, blunted rapier in hand as she took up position. Even aside from--temporarily--avoiding Constantin, she should polish up her skills. Words had always been her preferred weapon, but they were heading to a new and largely uncharted island. She highly doubted any wildlife would respond to silver-tongued negotiation as well as Gacane gentry.

She couldn't always leave defense to Kurt. (Even if he would argue yes she could, it was his job.)

The thought of her bodyguard pulled her from her reverie, and Vesper found him watching her. "Sorry."

He didn't comment on her moment of distraction. "Your move, Excellency. Seeing as it's just us."

"Ah, yes, you don't have underlings to fling at me first," Vesper teased.

"I'll just have to make up the difference, won't I?" Kurt drawled. "One to one's better if you wanna work on a specific weakness, anyway."

She tipped her head in concession and tested the feel of the dulled rapier. "Always looking to improve." She missed the back-up of her pistol, but that would be unwise on a ship even if this wasn't just practice. She studied Kurt's stance, looking at feet, hips, shoulders for hints how he would defend. She made two strikes to his right side, then feinted a third before making the actual attempt left.

Kurt parried them all, though barely for the third, and shifted offensive even as he laughed. "Very good, Green Blood. Keep the hilt up more an' you'll be in a better position to guard."

He punctuated the words with a swipe toward her sword hand. Vesper instinctively dropped her arm to avoid it. This lowered her blade and left her vulnerable to his when he swung back. She only just corrected in time.

"I see why you want to work on it," Kurt said, pressing his advantage, "but your reflexes are quick enough to balances out most weaknesses."

As if if to underscore the 'most', Vesper's heel caught on something and she stumbled even as she deflected his strike. "You're very sweet, Kurt, but we both know swordplay isn't my forte." She regained her balance, but too slow to entirely avoid another hit. She winced as his blade caught her wrist.

"Adapting is, though," he countered, blocking her return strike and grinning when the follow up actually glanced off his shoulder. "You're better at rolling with change than damn near anyone I've met in my life."

"Hm, well, thank" --blocked--"you." --blocked. She remembered his advice and kept her hand in a better position. "It's a skill I've cultivated thanks to my dear cousin pulling me into ever-changing circumstance."

Kurt laughed. "He does that."

"Not that I mind," Vesper hastened to add. She wrinkled her nose as Kurt's blade tapped her hip. He was holding back and that wasn't what she wanted. "I love Constantin dearly, but-"

"He has a habit of gettin' you in situations," Kurt said, amused, and abandoned all pretense of sparring, leaning on the blunted zweihander instead. "Green Blood, I've helped you get him out of more of 'em than I care t' count. You don't have to pretty your words around me."

"Suppose you do know both of us well," Vesper said with a sheepish chuckle. "I've appreciated your backup on those occasions, by the by."

"Just doin' my job," he said with a shrug.

She believed that about as much as she believed in flying dogs. "On that note, are we done so fast?" she asked.

Kurt's smile matched her own mood. "Though you might want a breather."

"Considerate, but I doubt brigands or beasts will show the same courtesy."

"Well, then." He swung the sword back up into position. "We can continue, if you'd rather."

Mindful of overextending herself, Vesper still stepped forward to strike at his knees and then shoulder in quick succession. Her gamble on speed over strength half-paid off. She didn't hit his shoulder, but she did catch just below his elbow as he got the zweihander up to block.

Kurt nodded approvingly, then aimed two hefty blows at her right side--in almost as quick succession as she'd done.

Vesper didn't have time to dwell on the strength it would take to do so; she was too busy trying to keep her guard balanced and deflect at the same time. She blocked the first one. Hopped over a crate jutting out. Half-blocked the second, but it caught her enough to knock her off balance. She sat down hard, dropping her rapier in the process.

Rather than hold his sword to her neck or something too mark victory, Kurt offered her a hand up.

"Clearly I still need work," Vesper deadpanned as she accepted.

"You are improving, though," Kurt said. "And I think you're better than you credit yourself."

She opened her mouth to contradict, to tease he was biased because he'd taught her, but closed it again. Aside from being a skilled swordsman, Kurt had never once shined her--or Constantin--on regarding skill. Honest assessment, only and always. "Thank you," she said instead.

He tipped his head. "D' you want to go again, or are you satisfied for now, Excellency?"

"Perhaps one more?" Vesper asked, almost apologetic, her nose wrinkling.

"As y' wish." Kurt let go of her hand and stepped back to take his stance again.

Vesper mirrored the action, running scenarios in her head, trying to gauge adjustments. Kurt didn't wait for her this time; going on the offensive with several attacks meant to immediately overwhelm. Despite that, she did much better this time--she even hit him once or twice--before her back thumped the hull. Mind your surroundings.

Kurt and his blade pressed close enough to spell her end if he actually bore her ill will. But only for a moment, before the sword lowered.

"Fast learner, Green Blood," he said approvingly as he disengaged and took a seat on one of the nearby crates, signaling an end. "Always were; shouldn't surprise me."

Vesper raked dark brown hair out of her eyes and perched on another crate, facing him with their legs crowded together. "I have a good teacher, which certainly helps," she said lightly.

Kurt grunted and waved off the praise. "It still needs work, mind, but you're comin' along."

She hummed a laugh. "Well. Good I have you watching my back until I improve, then."

"That's my job." His gaze dropped to the crates and he snorted a laugh. "Well. There's irony for you." He shifted, giving the crate Vesper sat on a light kick.

"I saw," she said with a smile. The Coin Guard seal and bright swipe of colored marking had been hard to miss. "I'm glad to see they're safe, after the machinations it took to get them aboard."

She wished he wasn't so quick to deflect compliments, but she'd let him get away with it. For now.

"Aye." They both looked up as voices floated from above, and Kurt pushed to his feet. "S'ppose we should make our way topside, before your cousin works himself into a right fit at you bein' missin'."

Vesper laughed as stood as well. "You do know us well."

His eyes gleamed as he gestured for her to lead up the stairs. "Well enough to say I'm more than willing to distract when you need a break from the role of listening ear."

She paused on the stairs, sure her merriment showed on her face as she looked back. "A sacrifice most appreciated, noble captain."

Kurt gave a half-serious salute and Vesper laughed before resuming course for the upper decks. It had been nice to have someone play the listening ear to her, for once.

[apostlearcana]

Status update:

Still a cool person who writes amazingly!!!!!!!

thank u, anon. I don't feel very cool lately with personal stuff that makes me an exhausted lady, but- i have a bit of the writing you think is amazing. i hope you enjoy it. ♥️

---

He was going to die. There was no other way to say it: Zenkichi Hasegawa- or more aptly, Wolf- was going to fucking die in the Metaverse without even knowing how he ended up here in the first place. The kids were back in the real world, frantically working to find a way in, and he was surrounded by Shadows on all sides. A wave of creatures came for him, and the only logical thing he could think of doing was running.

So he did.

He ran, zweihander in hand and blood trickling from his open wounds he had endured from the constant swath of enemies. If Oracle was down here with him, she’d be screaming for someone to heal him. Wolf closed his eyes, trying to focus his thoughts and calm himself; even so, panic ripped through any semblance of logic, and in such panic, a familiar burst of energy came to life. It ticked away at his life force, yet carried him away faster as he leapt forward and scanned the fork in the road frantically; it was left or right.

“Dammit… what’s taking them so long…?!”

Where were those kids? He was almost praying to hear that stupid nickname sail over the oncoming hoard of Shadows from Sakamoto, gritting his teeth.

Left it was.

Wolf hissed and ran down the corridor, finding the floor plan littered with corners every six yards. Take a sharp turn, go another several feet, and another turn. One of the corners was a dead end. He turned around and held his blade tightly before swinging at the few Shadows that had kept on his tail; a red burst of energy flew forward, Wolf ignoring the blood dripping from his mask and down his face as he rushed through the split path of Shadows.

“Where are those damn kids…?!”

Just as he spoke, it was as if his body could answer with one grim statement: they are not coming for you.

Wolf tripped over himself, rolling over himself and skidding on the concrete before he crashed into the wall with a dust cloud hanging over the space. He coughed harshly, squinting in the haze before seeing the group of Shadows beginning to advance.

Dead end.

Wolf grabbed his blade; he pushed himself to a sitting position, eyes wide behind the mask as he pulled up the blade defensively. Cornered, so very much like a wounded animal that stared down at the ones about to eat him alive. The barest rumble was felt in the back of his head- Valjean, undoubtedly. And yet, Wolf knew.

He already knew he was going to die.

There was not a chance in Hell that Living Dead was going to be able to activate again in time. He was going to die. Die.

He had given it everything he had, and even with his newfound strength and vigor, Wolf was wounded beyond repair. He wasn’t going to make it out.

Even with Fury still on and running, he had tried to give it all he had.

Fuck.

How useless was he really? How often had he tried to hide the bloodlust, the need to rip and tear through the Shadows to feel something again in his life? How scared was he to tell those kids of his that he was happy the Metaverse was back, only for it to leave him to die? How many times had he (successfully) hid away that the smell of the blood made his own race? How badly did he want to fight? How much did he want to let loose, but was afraid to be cast aside? Seen as the monster he really was?

Even with his blade on the ground, Wolf could feel his eyes fluttering shut. He couldn’t get up. He couldn’t stand up, the Shadows moving closer and their sick squelches on the floor the sound of them moving through a pool of his blood.

[noise-misato-boy-destroyer]

hi I'm very shy and your dms are closed so I'm on anon but I'm an aggressive dyke and ever since I saw your Twitter yesterday I've been thinking how much I want to rape you on stage at that bdsm club or during a livestream while I force you to look into the camera and cry for all our viewers. Or we can fight with our zweihanders and winner gets the others body as a prize, we both know you'll lose so you can be violated anyway. Uhm. Yeah lots of ideas bouncing around in my head for you mwah mwah kisses

Holy fucking shit I'm on way too much estrogen for this and just squirmed myself off the couch 🫠🫠🫠

[ditty-nightsong]

OH YEAH I WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY HSR INSERT LORE!

-her name is marena! she is originally from jarilo-vi. -she never really felt like she fit in there? rumors started when she was young that she wasn't entirely human, and it became something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. (she's only HALF vampire, excuse you! but her ability also allows her to heal herself + protect others based on how much she can dish out so that didn't help things.) -after spring finally comes, she's able to hitch a ride and leave the planet. -she spends a while wandering around the cosmos and taking in all of the different sights and people and planets. -she eventually hears about the xianzhou and goes. "oh cool! other species that live a long time!" being a dhampir, she's a long-life species in her own right, almost? it's not like she has the lifespan of a human at least. (as a matter of fact, i'd say her lifespan is probably very similar to that of a foxian...) so she and her big ass zweihander make her way to the xianzhou, specifically the luofu. -i think she has a very meet-cute with fugue? i think they meet by chance, and they work their way into each others' hearts very quickly. to marena, fugue is the comfortable warmth of a summer night. to fugue, marena is a breath of life. -there's definitely an emotional scene where they open up to each other about their pasts. and then they just hold each other for a while and mutually realize - this is a person i want to carry with me. -last note for now: marena is probably my only insert at the moment that's actually strong enough to lift her partner LMAO. (make no mistake! she still has physical health problems. but at least she can carry fugue.)

[deep-aural-fixation]

I haven't had much time for video games, since I've been so worn out from work, but I picked up Elden Ring again. I decided I just wanted to bonk things, and think as little as possible. My brain is mush after all these doubles. So I hopped on my strength build, which was mostly lance + shield (do love the lance, basic and suboptimal as it may be). I upgraded the Ruins Greatsword, and I decided to give it a try. I'm not super comfy woth the slow bonks, so I haven't used them much (and they're so expensive to upgrade).

And I have been tearing ass through the game. All of the capitol (except for the Shunning Grounds) is done, finished Ranni's quest (as well as several npcs), went through a lot of bosses, and have been clearing up most places. Exploring Caelid in more detail, since this weapon trivializes nearly everything. I've even been using my charged heavies, getting a feel for when it's best to utilize them. I'm on level 118 now, and about to go to the Snowfields. It's kind of an easy mode, don't have to get too good, weapon at this point, but I'm sure that will change as I get further in. That S scaling in strength is nice, though.

And since I'm comfy with the charged heavies, I'd like to give some of the other weapons a go. Like a jumping attack build with some maces, or see how I manage with the Zweihander. I may respec a few times (I have like 10 larval tears), just to try higher level str/int or str/fai builds. I have all this gear from doing everything I can, may as well try it. And the Darkmoon Greatsword looks fun. It's the first time I've felt decently in control so far. I do want to genuinely git good, but that's for my parry build, and when I have more think ability and fewer double shifts.