#hux probably like took a long look at kylo when they first met and really thought hard about it

[ghost-on-a-string]

why are there so many kylux smut fics

WHAT GIVES YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT THIS GUY FUCKS??

he looks like a wet cat and he has the attitude of one (/pos) he is NOT having sex

id give kylo a 30% chance of fucking, but idk he just has sad virgin energy, and that's not just because i don't think adam drivers that hot

those two assholes are too busy with blowing things up and being evil and shit to fuck!!

also, even if they did, hux has a cat, and kylo has the weird darth vader shrine, where would they even do it????

[kylorengarbagedump]

Defy Your Authority: Chapter 4

Read on AO3. Part 3 here. Part 5 here.

Summary: David Rose voice: Oh, my god!

Words: 3200

Warnings: dude

Characters: Kylo Ren x Reader

A/N: First: Thank you to @bastila-ren and @elmidol for their beta-kindness.

I'M ALIVE. I got super burned out at my job, took 5 weeks of FMLA, got incredibly depressed, but now I'm back! Very thankfully, my COVID symptoms were extremely mild. Thank you very very much for your well-wishes and your concerns.

I wish I could express enough apology for my lack of activity, but hopefully uploading a chapter is thanks enough. You all have been so supportive and kind to me. I am SO thankful and appreciative of everything y'all offer me!

(as a side note: I know some people do not like dude, that it throws them out. I am very sorry, but in the politest way possible: I am not going to stop using it. I like it too much.)

I also hope you enjoyed the chapter! God I wonder what's going to happen next chapter. I just don't know.

Love you all so much <3

“Piece of shit.”

Growling, you tugged out another panel from the silencer’s dash. At this point, about a dozen slats of buttons boxed you into the pilot’s seat, crowding you in the cockpit. All of them looked flawless upon inspection, and this new one was no exception. Wires were attached and the circuits were complete, every switch was grounded. You’d gone over a handful of systems already, trapped in this cockpit for hours. The silencer’s refusal to function made no sense. There had to be something you were missing. 

The memory of smoke and flames licked at the perimeter of your mind. Yeah, there was a lot you were missing.

Pain burrowed, opened a well in your chest, and you shook your head, rubbing your tired face. There wasn’t time to think about anything else. Sitting forward, you started reattaching the panels to the console. You needed to focus on this.  Even though the answer to where you’d go and what you would do once you were finished remained nebulous. Even though you were now apparently unknown and unloved by almost everyone in the universe, including the one man you’d waited on for months. 

You caught a sigh in your chest, exhaling into your palms, shutting out the urge to cry. Crying right now was a waste of time. You still had about fifty systems to check, and you’d only read through about half of Kylo’s post-flight novella. Swallowing, you grabbed your datapad from the seat and flipped to the report, forcing yourself through the urge to skim.

It wasn’t like you weren’t interested. Normally this sort of thing was like a buffet for your freakish little brain. But you kept tasting embers on your tongue. Kept seeing your crew--completely unarmed, helpless fuel outpost workers--drowning in destruction. Kept hearing Hux’s voice: Multiple Resistance fighters… Heat gripped your neck, clogged your throat. Multiple fighters for a tiny station. Multiple fighters against three soft, fleshy bodies.

The First Order was not your creed; just your employer. The machine of war had always been an inconvenience to the prestige of working on elite starfighters. You knew that the loss of three cogs was nothing to that machine. In the past, it’d been nothing to you too. But you’d never eaten meals or laughed with or supported those lost cogs when they’d cried. This loss wasn’t just to war. This loss was horrifically and uniquely yours. 

“Stop.” You shook your head, tossing your datapad back on the seat. You’d finish putting the console back together, then you’d figure out what to do next.

Jaw tight, you grabbed another panel, and your grip slipped. The sharp edge sliced your palm where the wood had lanced you earlier.

“Fuck!” You dropped it and clutched your hand, seething while you tried to squeeze away the agony. Everything from your fingers to your wrist throbbed, and your chin quaked, tears burning your sight. “Fuck! Fuck!” Snarling, you kicked the panels at your feet. “Fuck!”

The thin cut felt like a sobbing gash. You tore off your jacket and wrapped the sleeve around your palm, wincing when you tightened it to the wound. 

“Stupid fucking panels!” you growled, kicking the panels again. “Stupid fucking ship, stupid fucking Kylo, stupid fucking Resistance!” The final kick dented a panel, popped off a shiny button. “Gods!”

You covered your face in your jacket and screamed until your throat crackled, until your lungs were dry. Head spinning, you drew in a breath and screamed again, stomping the floor until dizziness dropped you into the pilot’s chair. Warmth glowed at your cheeks, leaked down your back. Tremors rippled to your toes as you took in a long, steadying breath, exhaling in reluctant relief. 

You considered sitting there forever. But it only took two seconds for you to remember how Kylo also sat in this chair thinking of and dealing with everything that wasn’t you before you grunted and climbed out of the cockpit. 

The rest of the hangar seemed wholly unconcerned or otherwise ignorant to your tantrum. Wiping your eyes, you hopped to the ground, wagging off the lingering fury in your limbs. Maybe you just needed a walk. You cleared your throat and kept your hand clutched to your chest, the whispering ache pulsing in rhythm with your heart.

In all the hours you’d been in the cockpit, the Steadfast had continued to orbit Orinda. Xi-class shuttles whirled beyond the hangar entrance--probably staffed with crew collecting reconnaissance from whatever the Resistance left behind from the attack. Your feet carried you to the fuzzy blue edge of the magnetic shield’s barrier, meters from vacant space. A quiet hum resonated from its perimeter through your soles. 

You gazed into the galaxy. Orinda was a glimmering grain of sand, adrift in the celestial trenches. A fuel outpost turned graveyard. An acceptable casualty of the Resistance. Another home where you couldn’t return. That whispering ache rumbled to a hiss and cast itself over your skin, raking it over with misery, with exhaustion. Your chin quivered. The only place you could think to sleep was the silencer. Eyes falling to the floor, you turned back to the hangar.

“My quarters.”

You squealed and jumped, clapping your hands to your chest. Feet away stood Kylo Ren.

“Shit!” you said, exhaling in relief. “How the hell do you do that?” When he said nothing, you continued, “Like, sneak up on me like that.” 

“You’re not perceptive.”

You frowned. “Okay, well…” He wasn’t wrong. You sighed, shrugged. “Anyway.”

Kylo stepped forward, assessing you in your tank top, scrutinizing the tourniquet you’d made of your jacket. “Your hand.” 

“It’s fine,” you said, holding it behind your back. “Your quarters?”

His stare lingered on your exposed shoulders, on your neck. “Stay,” he said. “Until the silencer is repaired.”

“That could be as early as next cycle.” 

“Given your skill, yes.”

It was difficult to look in his direction. Every worn nerve screamed for his touch. “And then what?”

“You’ll depart to another station.”

You tried to flush the pain from your voice. “So,” you said, “you want me to stay with you through, like, one cycle, and then leave.” You looked to the ceiling in faux-consideration. “Cool. I think I’ll pass.” 

Kylo’s eye twitched. He moved closer, tone icy. “You have nowhere to sleep,” he said. “I…” He paused. His tongue rolled in his mouth. “You mean to tell me you prefer the silencer.”

“Well,” you replied, “I’ve never fucked the silencer. I never told the silencer how I felt about it. The silencer has never treated me like a stranger who just walked off the plains of Lothal.” You tapped your chin. “So, yeah, I prefer the silencer.”

He grit his teeth. “You’re no stranger.”

“Sure could’ve fooled me!” A couple of heads turned in your direction.

“Quiet,” he hissed. “It apparently takes very little for you to be fooled.”

“Excuse me?” you replied. “Run that by me again, Supreme Leader?”

“Now your hearing fails you.”

“This is great.” You offered a false smile. “This conversation is going really well.”

Kylo snarled, shoulders bunching with restraint. “You speak this way and then question why you’re unwelcome,” he replied. “Deaf and foolish.”

“Oh!” A frustrated laugh escaped. “Okay, then. Talk to you later, Your Excellency. I need a nap before I keep trying to fix your dumbass ship.”

Shaking your head, you folded your arms over your chest and stormed past him, anger blurring your vision. Stupid fucking asshole--

You made it three steps before a warm leather glove grabbed your shoulder, and you stalled, goosebumps shooting to your hands. Kylo spun you, your face inches from his, your breath fleeing and forgetting to return. His lips trembled, his jaw tightened, his gaze boring into you before it met the floor, seeking to stare anywhere else. The pressure of his fingers was firm, then floating. And then he swallowed, grip crushing your shoulder, his eyes finding you again. 

No one else in the hangar would’ve known, looking at him. But this Kylo Ren was familiar to you. 

This Kylo Ren was terrified.

“I don’t…” His voice was a feather in the air. “You are…” He averted his attention, stiffening. “You have a home.”

Your chest swelled. Water stung your eyes. “I do?”

“Yes,” he replied, utterly sincere. “But not here. Not now.”

Hairline fractures crept into your heart.

“Kylo.” Your composure cracked. All of you wanted to melt, to disintegrate into his being and know each word trapped on his tongue. There was a reason you could not find him, that he would not unfold himself to you. “Please. Why do you want me gone so badly?”

His lips parted, as if he were about to speak--and he paused. He drew in a breath through his nose. “Complications,” he replied. “Factors you do not understand.”

You stepped closer, throat tight. His breath brushed your nose. “Tell me, then.”

Kylo huffed, shifting on his feet--and his face froze. His limbs locked, muscles taut. His gaze widened, fixated on something over your shoulder. Air leaked from him, like time was slowing to a close. You blinked, looked behind you. But nothing was there. 

Frowning, you cleared your throat. “Kylo?” He didn’t even acknowledge you. “You’re really just going to leave it like that?” 

His pupils were pinpricks.

It wasn’t like you were heartless. You knew that he was attempting wasn’t easy. But what you were feeling wasn’t a sail on a skiff either. You didn’t just deserve more. You needed it.

“Okay,” you said, backing out of his hold. “This was nice. But I have a TIE fighter to repair. So.” He didn’t respond. Didn’t even move. “Whatever.”

You turned--Kylo’s focus flicked to you. His mouth dropped, like there were words he wanted to and couldn’t speak. Instead, he remained silent, fury simmering in his gaze while you pivoted away. You didn’t say anything either. You didn’t think you had to.

When you arrived at the silencer, you clambered into the cockpit, like it was a hole you could hide in until he disappeared. Shame, stubbornness, or surrender--you imagined one of these was responsible for why he didn’t pursue you, but you didn’t care. This ship repair would be your parting gift to him, and you could take off, probably spending the rest of your life wondering how you’d managed to fuck up your affair with the galaxy’s most ineligible bachelor.

Loose panels still swarmed the pilot’s chair. You sighed and put on your jacket, settling in and throwing your feet on the dash. Your hand thumped with irritation as you closed your eyes.

Just a couple of hours. That’s all you needed. Then you’d keep working like the foolish little--

Clank.

You yelped, flinching in your seat. 

Clank.

Heart fluttering, you scanned the cockpit before realizing the noise came from outside the ship.

Clank.

It was behind you. Someone was messing with the refuel port. Or the solar lines. You couldn’t tell. Grumbling, you scrambled out of the chair and hoisted yourself up the escape. If they were fucking up this stupid ship even further--

Clankclankclank.

“Hey!” You popped your head free. “Will you...”

For a split second, you’d thought Kylo had decided to rip the solar line access open and tear into his own power supply. But then your vision focused. The man crouched over the ship was a different intimidating masked man dressed only in black. Your stomach twisted. It was the one from the Buzzard. The one who’d shoulder-checked you.

“Kuruk.”

His head whipped in your direction, the talons of his predator’s gaze gouging your chest. He pulled his hands free of the solar lines, his gloves greasy with reactant.

“Lieutenant.” 

Previously you’d thought absolutely no one but Hux could spit that word with that degree of acidity. But if Hux spat it like acid, then Kuruk hocked it--dragged it up through his throat and sputtered it like necrotic phlegm. 

You crawled onto the dorsal plane with the coordinated majesty of a blurrg, trying not to heave  and ruin any level of authority you might have tricked him into thinking you maintained. When you’d made it to both feet, you straightened, as if you did this all the time, and moved toward him.

“What are you doing?” 

“Repairing a starfighter.”

You snorted. “Really,” you replied. “Tearing out a power supply is repairing?”

Kuruk jerked his arm, wrenching free another line, spewing collector dust into the air. “Closer to repairing than sleeping in the cockpit.”

Heat rushed your spine, swathed your neck. “Yeah, well…” You examined him, watching as he cocked his head to avoid the blinders attached to his helmet. “At least I can see properly when I work on a ship.” 

“Magnification’s built into the visor.”

More heat, this time crackling in your cheeks, drying your tongue. “Look,” you said, “this is my job. I don’t need amateurs screwing it up for me.”

He paused, turned his gaze on you again. “Amateurs?”

You shrugged. “In comparison, yeah, probably.”

Kuruk leaned on his heels, wiping his gloves on his jacket. “I don’t think so.”

“Uh, I do.” This man looked like a weapon. Not an engineer. “What experience do you have?”

“It’s called the Night Buzzard,” he replied. “You might be familiar with it.”

You paused, brow raising. “You…” It was impossible to restrain your laughter. But he didn’t move. “You’re kidding. Right? That’s a joke.”

Kuruk’s hands tensed.

“Dude, that ship’s the ugliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” you replied. “Did you modify it with a boiled chokeroot?”

His head tilted. He rose to stand, so controlled he looked to be fighting gravity. “I can do more work with a boiled chokeroot than you can do with an entire Star Destroyer’s worth of resources,” he drawled. “Lieu. Tenant.” 

The hair on your nape stuck straight, your pulse leapt to the ceiling. But the knowledge that Kylo was within thinking distance abated your fear. 

“Might wanna get one then.” You grinned. “You’re not making much progress here without it.”

He stared, filthy fingers furling into fists--and then relaxed, the tension sloughing like reactor slime from his frame. Silent, he returned to a squat, rending more lines from their channels. For some reason, a tiny, irreverent part of you was disappointed. 

No, that was a lie. You knew why you were disappointed. But this man wasn’t the one you wanted to be taunting into a wild sexual rage. Exhaling, you crossed your arms. 

“It’s still my job,” you said.

“And I’ve been told that once it’s done, you’ll be gone.”

“What?” You gawked. “What the fuck? You, too? I didn’t even do anything to you!”

“Debatable.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re mad because your Master didn’t want you to disrespect an officer.”

“No.” Kuruk’s attention snapped to you. “You’re loud.”

Blood drained from your face. “I’m…”

Moments blinked in your memory like a holodrama. Like how you’d spent the entire time aboard the Buzzard thinking about Kylo slamming you against the dashboard and breaking your pussy open. How you’d mentally undressed him, verbally taunted him, physically ached for him. How you’d blazed with hatred for him and stoked it with longing. And how you’d just noted that you were desperate to wind him into a state of frenzied lust so he’d wreck you entirely.

“Oh, fuck.” You glanced at the hangar’s entrance and wondered how quickly you could hurl yourself into the vacuum of space. Speaking of hurling… “Oh, fuck.”

You couldn’t spare Kuruk another glance. With shaking hands, you fumbled your way to the ground, steadying yourself on your weakening knees. There was no way you were going to spend another minute on this ship trying to fix a starfighter while getting thought-eavesdropped by multiple men, one of whom seemed hell-bent on doing your job for you anyway. 

All you needed to do was find General Hux and get him to reassign you to another station. You’d figure the rest out later when you had time to process your myriad of losses and crippling rejection. You held your breath the entire trek to the command center, only releasing when the doors opened and you spied Hux at the head of the room, briefing someone on something you didn’t care about. 

Wiping your forehead, you trudged over to him. Hux’s gaze darted between you and the other officer, his brow furrowing as you approached.

“A moment,” he said to the man. “Can I help you, Lieutenant?”

Yeah, it definitely sounded worse out of Kuruk’s mouth. “Can I get a new station? I, uh, I need a new station.” The officer peered at you in horror. You coughed, standing at attention. “General. Requesting a new assignment, sir.”

Hux’s lips pursed, his eyes narrowed. “The silencer is already repaired?”

“Uh, no. No, sir, it’s not.” You stared at your shoes. “Still requesting a new assignment. I believe my work here is complete.”

A pause hung in the air. Hux observed you like you were a recently apprehended criminal. He sighed. 

“Dismissed, Captain.” He waited for the man to depart before turning to you. “What do you mean, your work here is complete?”

It was hard to find the appropriate words. “I mean. Uh. Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“No.”

You groaned. “Okay.” A long breath, flooding your lungs with air. “Well. My services are no longer required. My presence is redundant. I cannot return to Orinda. I’m requesting another station.” You exhaled. “Sir.”

Hux’s pink face pinched together. “Something happened with Ren.”

Warmth flushed your neck. “Uh, no--”

“Lieutenant,” he said, like the words were thorns on his tongue, “I unfortunately believe your insight and skill may still be of use to the First Order.” 

“Sir?”

“The TIE project has been approved. You may be just the person to manage it.” 

You balked. “Oh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea--”

“No?” Sharp green eyes pierced you into silence. “I thought you might leap at the opportunity, considering how cruelly the Resistance slaughtered your staff.”

Your heart clenched, your chest speared with pain. Better TIE units wouldn’t save them. But you could at least ensure their loss wouldn’t be in vain. Though you’d never supervised an undertaking of that scale before, the excitement of a challenge glittered in the distance. Glittered, then dimmed under a brooding, Kylo Ren-shaped shadow.

“Well…”

Hux glanced away, gazing through the thick panes of transparisteel, as if offering you any more praise would blind him. “Go to the Supreme Leader. Inform him of my plans.” He offered a slight shrug. “If he disagrees, then so be it. We’ll find you a new station.” The thought was left unfinished--he seemed very confident Kylo would not disagree.

Too bad you disagreed with him. “Yes, sir,” you replied. “I understand. Where might I find the Supreme Leader?”

Hux frowned. “Am I his keeper, Lieutenant?” 

A brief, blissful image of your fist connecting with his chin flashed through your mind. You shook it away.

“No,” you said. “No, sir. I’ll find him. Thank you.”

He nodded. “Dismissed.”

Shooting him a glare, you pivoted on your heel, marching out of the command center. All you needed to do was find where Kylo Ren might be by searching the entirety of this huge Star Destroyer. That would be easy.

[sserpente]

A/N: I was writing this while my cat kept attacking me because she wanted to play. I don’t know if it made any impact on the story but I guess we’ll see. 😅

Words: 2154 Warnings: fluff (+ there are NO spoilers for TROS in this Imagine!)

Your lungs were burning, accompanied by a stinging pain in your chest. A broken rib, probably, maybe even two. You had been reckless. No, you had been distracted. Distracted by the man you loved more than yourself.

You were so close to him now—and while your heart knew exactly what it wanted, your mind kept sending shockwaves of adrenaline through your entire body.

Danger. Threat. Flight.

You hadn’t seen Ben’s face since he departed to train as a Jedi with his uncle Luke—and Leia had forbidden you joined the Resistance on any risky missions anywhere near the First Order. You were not Force sensitive, never had been. But they took you in when you had had nothing left and you had given back to them your services and your loyalty—your support to fight for a better world.

Your personal political views remained indifferent as long as you got to live, preferably not in poverty. But the Resistance, back then operating under a different name, of course, had given you something else. Someone else. They had given you Ben—right until Luke’s godforsaken Jedi camp had ripped him from your grasp cruelly, had him drift away from you until he was out of reach both physically and mentally.

He had a new name now, new motivations—and he had done terrible things which shocked you to the very bottom of your heart and yet… yet you could never stop loving him. Perhaps this was the reason you were here now, on the Finalizer, bruised, beaten and defeated.

Your weapons had long been taken from you. You were helpless. And Kylo Ren was your only hope.

-

“Bring her to my quarters for an interrogation, and keep her restrained. Her strength is not to be underestimated.” The voice you heard behind you was somewhat… distorted, no, modulated—most likely, it belonged to one of the Knights of Ren… did Kylo wear one too, a mask? How would you recognise him if he did? What if this voice, what if it was him… You swallowed thickly. Focus. Interrogation. If you fought back too much, they would pry your mind open like a nut, pushing you straight into the depths of madness.

You didn’t know anything. Nothing about Leia’s plans and not even if they still resided in the same location. You were on your own now. You had left after the destruction of the Jedi camp, when Ben had become someone you did not recognise—yet.

My quarters… you repeated the words in your mind, pure terror spreading in your veins like a nasty disease. Could it be?

The Stormtroopers followed the order immediately. Grabbing you by your upper arms and practically lifting your feet off the ground, they dragged you through the cold and empty hallways almost effortlessly.

You did not resist—you would save your strength for later—for when you truly needed it to fight all the torture they were about to inflict on you.

Handcuffed to almost utter helplessness, you were shoved into some dark living space, discarded like an old piece of furniture; the metal doors sliding shut behind you and darkness swallowing you whole before you could even turn. Idiots.

Standing there in the corner in complete blackness, with your heart in your mouth and the blood singing in your ears, you waited. You knew enough about strangling people. Your restraints posed the perfect tool for that.

But it stayed silent for a while. No footsteps, no voices, nothing. Then, finally, just when you had almost given up and begun to think your captor might have forgotten about you, the metal doors flew open once again.

The small beam of light falling onto the ground of the dark living quarters before the only exit route was cut off again were enough for you to make out a tall silhouette—and attack it.

With a belligerent scream, you stormed forward, aiming for the figure’s neck—but found your limbs paralysed by an invisible Force only the fraction of a second after, before the metal around your wrists could even touch your enemy.

The man in front of you chuckled darkly—a terrifying sound through the voice modulator inside the mask he was wearing. You froze, regardless of what the Force was doing to your body, eyes widening as a suspicion rose within you. This chuckle… it sounded familiar.

As cool as you please, he reached up, gloved hands swiftly fiddling with the clasps of his mask, revealing…

“Ben.” You choked out when your eyes met. You had found him. He was alive. He was safe. He was well. “Ben…” You repeated, voice breaking pathetically. Instantly, the Force released your limbs but you did not move an inch.

“Ben is dead,” he spat.

“What? I see him. I see him right in front of me!” Kylo turned up his mouth, a touch of anger radiating off of him. Once more, you felt the Force on your body, this time wrapping around your neck tightly. He didn’t even blink as he lifted you off your feet and pulled you towards him without lifting a finger, your body—tiny and downright petite compared to his—colliding with his chest and knocking all air from your lungs.

You howled in pain, your stricken ribs complaining upon the harsh impact. Kylo hesitated, a frown decorating his face for no longer than a split second before he seemed to recollect himself.

“Where is the Resistance?” He asked with a tilt of his head, ignoring your prior response coldly. At this point, you were shaking. You longed to jump into his arms and hold him tightly, but feared his reaction. Would he push you away? Laugh at you? Kill you? No, you figured. Ben would never hurt you.

“I… I don’t know. I left them after what happened at… the… the Jedi camp. I’ve been looking for you ever since.” Kylo Ren’s eyebrows rose slightly.

“And now that you’ve found me, what will you do?” He responded coolly, a hint of mockery swinging in his voice. You fell silent. Ben knew you well, he always had. Truth was, you had not had a plan. All you had wanted was to find the man you loved.

“I presume the Resistance still cares about your whereabouts,” he continued then, seemingly unfazed. “What will they do once they learn the First Order has you in its grip?” Kylo Ren stretched out his hand, gloved fingers kneading the thin air as you felt the Force pulling your mind apart like thin threads being torn from a silken fabric—looking for any kind of information about the Resistance which might be useful to him.

You failed to resist, knowing it would make the inevitable pain a lot more bearable. You had not lied. And you had never kept secrets from Ben.

“You really have no idea.” He concluded almost softly, absentmindedly pulling away again. He gnashed his teeth, staring you intently in the eye for a few agonising seconds. You slowly nodded.

Kylo Ren already knew what you did not dare to speak out loud—that you had come to see him regardless of the consequences which might result in the downfall of the Resistance. For just a brief moment, his composed and repellent façade crumbled. Glimpses of cracks proving to you he was unwilling to yield to his true emotions. He clenched his gloved fists, his right eye twitching once.

Without another word, he hurried to put his mask back on, then he stormed outside, illuminating the dark quarters with the artificial light from the vast hallways for a third time.

“Send a message to the Resistance,” you heard his modulated voice say to the Stormtroopers standing guard outside, “Tell General Organa we have one of her… fugitives on board. (Y/N) (Y/L/N)’s survival in return for the exact coordinates of their remaining ships.”

-

Your chest was heaving, tears streaming down your face. Grief and relief mixed in your heart, poisoning you with a deadly potion singeing you from the inside out—it was a pain much worse than the physical injuries of your body the two medical droids were treating. Ben must have sent them to his quarters after realising you were hurt. Nothing was broken, yet the contusions felt equally antagonising. The droids had stripped you and more or less forced you down on the black and uncomfortable sofa, with only your sports bra remaining to take care of the dark bruises.

They utterly ignored your heart-breaking sobs rippling through Kylo Ren’s empty quarters. At least, the lights had been switched on by now, allowing you a few curious glances around.

The decoration was sparse. There was a chest of drawers, a wardrobe, a double bed with pitch black bed sheets, a dark and tiled hallway leading to a separate refreshing area and a mysterious metal door—you did not need to try for the knob to know it would be locked.

Ben’s signature was all over the room—it felt like his aura lingered despite his absence, reminding you with every passing second of the man you had lost. He could have taken you to General Hux, could have the Stormtroopers take care of accommodating you—and he could have you killed without so much as a simple blink. He had not. You were here. Right here in his quarters where you were safe. Safe from all the threats on board the Finalizer, safe from the proponents of the First Order. Safe from anyone except from him.

Kylo Ren returned, presumably, late at night. He found you curled up on the hard seating furniture, your almost naked back turned to him. He could sense you were still awake. Your thoughts were racing through your mind, one toppling over the next.

Your lips were still shaking—as were your limbs. His quarters were almost unusually chilly, dark and uninviting. Wearing no more than a pair of tight trousers and your sports bra did not exactly help this predicament. Holding your breath, you listened. What was he doing? You could hear the rustling of fabric, bed sheets being pulled back for the owner of the soft mattress to lie down on it and rest and lastly, the sound of a light switch. Once again, you found yourself in complete darkness.

One thing was for sure—Kylo Ren would never admit he was unsure of what to do with you. Killing you was no option. He would never forgive himself. Leaving you with Hux or the Stormtroopers? You were his.

Gnashing his teeth, he ripped his eyes back open all the while listening to your clattering teeth. Were you really his? You loved him, he knew this, he could sense it—always could have. And you were here. Here in his quarters. You could have been killed for just attempting to come here and even that had not stopped you from finding him. For Heaven’s sake—he was the Supreme Leader. If he wished to keep you with him, it would be his decision alone.

“B-Ben.” He suddenly heard you mumble.

Silence. Indignantly, he squeezed his eyes shut. Would sleep come to him tonight? He would need his energy. If his mother still cared about you as much as she had before he left her, tomorrow might result in yet another draining battle.

“Ben.” You said again, louder and more vehemently this time.

Again, he did not respond. You swallowed thickly, biting your lower lip so hard you could taste blood.

“Fine,” you spat. “Kylo.”

As if on cue, he turned in bed, facing you in the utter darkness of his quarters. You had a feeling he could still see every inch of you, his brown eyes boring through you like sharp daggers or the hot blade of his lightsabre.

“What is it?”

“I’m freezing. Please… can you give me a blanket?”

“I don’t have any spare blankets.” His dark voice rumbled through the blackness around you. Fearing that this would be his final word, you took a deep and shaky breath. But then, suddenly, the bed sheets rustled again. “Come.”

What? Did he mean… his bed?

Still trembling, you stood from the uncomfortable sofa, wondering what he would do if you approached him. But Kylo said nothing. Not when you lied down in his warm bed. Not when he covered you with his blanket. Not when he wrapped an arm around your middle and pulled your cold body against his warm chest, his heavy breathing brushing hot air against the back of your neck.

“Kylo…” You whispered. He held you even closer in response—there was no need for him to see you to notice how your eyes had filled with salty tears again.

What was he doing? Was he Kylo Ren or was he Ben Solo? But perhaps it did not matter. He was, after all, the man you loved.

-

Check out my blog to find more Imagines and take a glimpse at my first (to be) published novel! Also, if you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate so much if you supported me on Kofi! ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥

[andromedasstarship]

faceless, nameless - chapter 1

photo credit - unknown 

pairing - kylo ren x reader 

warnings - canon-typical star wars violence, depictions of pain/near death experiences, sadness, depressed reader, angst, betrayal, hospital rooms, injured reader 

summary - Poe opened his mouth a few times as if to speak, but nothing came out. After a few instances of this, you decided to address the elephant in the room. “You think Ren will come looking for me, don’t you?” 

blog rules 

a/n - the next chapter is completed as well and will be uploaded tomorrow after editing! thanks for reading :) send an ask/reply to be put on the taglist. 

masterlist // read it on ao3 here 

prologue // next chapter 

-----

the moon 

Unlike Kylo, you had never felt the need to wear a mask during your days with the First Order. Kylo had requested, near begged you to- worried you’d become too identifiable and therefore an easier target-, but your job wasn’t to intimidate. Your job was to be a diplomat and a strategist and the nicer face of Order. It was quite difficult to create the intimate bonds your job required if you weren’t able to show your face. Across the galaxy, they had many names for you- the devil’s whore, Lady Ren, concubine-, but no matter what someone called you, you arguably ended up having one of the most identifiable faces in the entire galaxy.

At the moment you weren’t sure if that was working better or worse for you. Sprawled out in the sand, in a pool of your own blood, a pair of Resistance pilots were standing over you. Their outfits were gaudy, you thought, bright orange and quite the eyesore. They were arguing about something, you were pretty sure it was whether or not they should save you. You forced yourself to focus and strained to process what they were saying. 

“This is Kylo Ren’s girl, do you understand that? Kylo Ren’s girl. We touch her and we die.” The blonde haired one was saying. 

“Do you see Ren around anywhere? Or anyone from the First Order?” That came out of the one with dark curly hair. He was undeniably attractive, you thought. “If we save her, maybe we’ll have a bargaining chip” 

“That or he’s gonna think we kidnapped her and shot her and then he’s going to blow us all up!” Good point, blondie, a little off given the circumstance, but he didn’t know that. 

They didn’t even try talking to you, good guy optimism or not, the faraway look in your eyes and your labored breathing told them it wasn’t worth it. 

Eventually, you felt them pick you up and start carrying you somewhere, presumably their ship. The dark haired one had won the conversation with his whole ‘we’re the good guys’ mantra. Not that you were complaining, you didn’t necessarily want to die. When they dropped you on a table and started working at getting your wound cleaned you decided it was safe to let your mind go to sleep. You’d thank them in the morning if you woke up. 

----

You did, wake up, but it was days later and you were in a rather nondescript, too bright, makeshift hospital room. Never one for dramatics, you didn’t try pulling out your IV or ripping bandages off or jumping out of your hospital bed. You just laid there and made a list in your mind of what happened; it was the first time since being shot that you had a true moment to think. 

Kylo had come to you in the morning and told you he was taking you on a surprise trip to a nearby planet that had a beach. 

You and Kylo laid on the beach for hours, he was rather distant, but that wasn’t cause for concern. 

He kissed you like he was never going to kiss you again. 

You felt a blaster shot rip through you and immediately assumed you were under attack. 

Kylo was holding the blaster.

Kylo laid you down on the sand and left without looking back.

You laid there for..., you weren’t sure how long. 

Resistance pilots saved you. 

And now you were at...? 

You took a better look at your surroundings. Too white walls, little in terms of supplie- especially in comparison to the splendor you were accustomed to-, scratchy sheets, no windows and one single metal door. You were undoubtedly in shock, still unable to process the extent of your injury, how close you’d been to death and especially the part about Kylo. There was also the IV taped snugly to your arm, you could only imagine they were pumping you full of various drugs and pain meds; they probably did it to keep you sluggish for when you woke up and not to help keep your emotions at bay, but you appreciated it nonetheless. 

The drugs made it difficult to keep track of time, but you assumed it had been just under an hour when Pretty Pilot walked into the room. He must’ve not expected you to be awake, judging by how wide his eyes got when they met yours. 

You decided to be the one to break the silence. “Hello.” 

At that the pretty pilot fully entered the room, letting the door shut with a bang behind him. “Hello.” 

“Am I allowed to ask for your name?” You asked. 

“Poe. Poe Dameron.” 

“I’m assuming you know my name already then?” You asked, shuffling in your bed to get a better look at him. 

“Everyone knows your name.” Poe replied, walking further into the room. He pulled out a chair that had been next to your bed and sat down, looking up at you. “How are you feeling? You were out for nearly a standard week.” 

You couldn’t help the laugh that came out of you; or the painful moan that followed after the movement sent a sharp pain up your spine. “I feel like I got shot.” 

Pretty Pilot Poe grinned at that too. “Guess I should’ve seen that coming huh?” His face got a tad bit more serious and he continued, “do you know where you are?” 

“With the Resistance I assume?” 

He answered with a nod and leaned back in his chair. It was clear he was unsure how to proceed with the conversation, your years as a diplomat had taught you well in interpreting body language. This must’ve been uncharted territory for both of you. The First Order rarely took prisoners alive and the ones they did were never alive for long, nor did you have much involvement in their time with the Order. To your knowledge, the Resistance had never captured anyone of importance, not even a lowly officer or trooper. You briefly wondered what it was like when Poe and the blonde one carted you into the Resistance- ship, base, you weren’t really sure-, and plopped your dying body into the med bay. 

Poe opened his mouth a few times as if to speak, but nothing came out. After a few instances of this, you decided to address the elephant in the room. “You think Ren will come looking for me, don’t you?” 

Poe’s face morphed into a form of shock, but you could tell he was glad you had breached the subject of Ren. “We know he will.” 

“No. No he won’t,” you started, rolling your head to the other side so you were looking away from him, “Ren’s the one who shot me and left me-” 

Poe gasped loudly, effectively cutting you off. You rolled your head back to face him and couldn’t help the little smile that formed when you saw his more than bewildered face. At least one of you was processing the betrayal. 

“If your people are smart, you won’t attempt to contact him or the Order and tell them that I’m alive.” You said quietly, giving him the most serious look you could muster. 

Poe’s mouth was still opening and closing, a bit like a fish, but he managed to shake a nod your way. After a few moments of silence that were getting close to uncomfortable, he shot out of his seat. “I need to, um, tell my team. I’ll be back later.” He was out the door before you could formulate a response. 

So, it’d been a standard week since Kylo- you weren’t quite ready to swallow that truth yet. It’d been a standard week since you’d last been on Starkiller. You wondered if any of your friends missed you. Not that you had a ton on base, but over the years you’d grown quite close with Phasma and as much as Kylo hated it, you and Hux got along very well and worked wonderfully as a team. 

The longer you were awake the more aware you became of the pain. And, kriff, was it bad. Your muscles were sore, the sand had rubbed the back of your arms and legs raw, and every time you breathed you felt a sharp pain originate from the general area of your blaster wound. 

When the door opened again- your guess was two hours later-, you watched an elderly woman walk in, Pretty Pilot right behind her. When your eyes met with the woman’s, you knew exactly who she was; she had the same eyes as Him. You’d also definitely seen her from Resistance intel the First Order had intercepted, but Kylo hated a tangible reminder of his past so those photos were never up long. 

General Organa took the seat Poe had been in before, Poe himself leaning up against the wall behind her. 

“So, Poe tells me Ben did this to you.” General Organa said, breaking the silence. 

“He hates that name,” you said, feeling the slightest amount of guilt at how the woman’s face turned down at that, “but yes, he did. I don’t have the answers you want.” 

General Organa reached a hand out, gently covering yours, and gave you the type of look only a mom could give. For the next hour or so, her and Poe bounced random questions off of you while graciously answering all the ones you had. At some point, food had even arrived for the three of you; a wholly ‘good guy’ gesture, even though you couldn’t stomach more than a few bites. 

Before the General and Pretty Pilot left, she gave you a very simple ultimatum. The Resistance would allow you to stay as long as it took for you to heal and they would aid the process. When you were healthy again, you could either join them or be blindfolded and dumped on a completely random, hopefully inhabitable, planet in the Outer Rim. The only reason the majority of the council had agreed to take you in, was due to your intimate relationship with First Order happenings and plans; hell, you’d created most of them yourself and the ones that weren’t personally designed by you, still had to be approved by you. She didn’t expect an answer right then, which you were grateful for, but you all knew the deadline wouldn’t be too far out. 

----

For the entirety of your stay, three standard weeks to be exact, Pretty Pilot would come into your room at least once, for hours at a time, and talk to you about anything. The first few days were pretty awkward, you had most certainly personally killed some of his comrades at least once, but you were both quite the conversationalists and his ‘good guy’ charm came equipped with second chances. You learned you were both fiercely competitive when it came to card games. A bit too competitive, seeing as one game got you so worked up you pulled a stitch or two, elongating your healing process. 

Poe even tried to help you process your grief. He talked you into speaking to the designated Resistance therapist, who you were certain was just the person who gave the best advice and not an actual licensed professional; it didn’t matter much to you. She was a kind older woman, who sat across from you for 30 minutes a day, talking about this and that and ‘how are you really feeling today miss’ and ‘it’s okay to feel your emotions’ and other therapeutic nonsense. You had a feeling that these people thought you were incapable of feelings, not a horribly misplaced assumption, given your prior occupation, but it’s not like you were heartless. You weren’t- heartless-, you were just avoiding the reality of your situation for as long as possible. Some days, you felt like you weren’t even in your own body, just a soul looking in. 

When the dam finally broke on day 13 of your hospital stay. The betrayal of having Kylo, the man you loved, turn his gun on you and leave you for dead quite literally brought you to your knees. It had gotten so bad- a mix of screaming and full blown sobs, you’d even thrown up at one point-, that one of the nurses had to medically knock you out. Even when you were able to refrain from crying each time you opened your mouth, you couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness that had made home in your bones. 

In all honesty, you probably weren’t the most reliable narrator in terms of your recovery period. Half the time you were either drugged out of your mind or stuck in a deep depression. Kylo’s betrayal had made you desperate for someone or something to accept you; a newfound fear of abandonment and worthlessness.  

In the end, you made the deal with General Organa. You made it explicitly clear you would never outright hand them First Order battle plans or ship layouts- couldn’t handle the way it would make you feel like a traitor, couldn’t handle the idea you could be the reason one of your friends was killed-, but if they were on the right track about something you’d assist them. Saying yes left more questions to be answered and various topics to be addressed; you had made a brief list of them when making your decision. 

Would you be able to stomach becoming a Resistance soldier who would be asked to kill First Order soldiers?

You couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized, so you’d have to change your appearance. 

How would they inform the rest of the Resistance of your presence, at the moment only a handful of high level officials were aware. 

The ones who know, understandably, didn’t trust you at all. 

Joining the Resistance, in the way that you were, would be the furthest thing from easy. Good thing you were never one to shy away from a challenge.

-----

a/n - wow!!!!! i cant explain how excited i am for this story. thank you so much for your kind words and support so far. my heart is more than full. comments/replies/reblogs/likes always appreciated :) 

taglist - @egguuuu​ @sunflowersandotherthings​ @clarizuliani10​ @kylorendrip​

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own star wars or any of the character involved in it. 

[castiel-barnes]

Saving you.

Pairing: Poe Dameron x reader.

Summary: Poe saves you after being severely tortured by the first order.

Warnings: Angst. Blood. Medical inaccuracies probably. Leia being a surrogate mother. Wedge being surrogate father. Fluff.

Wordcount: 1.7k

A/N: I know I wrote a poe for just the other day but I needed to try do angst with flyboy.

Tag: @phoenixhalliwell

Poe had always been that level headed, ace pilot that everyone knew him to be. But this was a side no one else had ever seen. Not even General Organa. He was running off of no sleep and caffeine and that was it. Bags had formed under his eyes, his usually somewhat neat curls were all over the place.

You had been captured and tortured by the First Order. After your X-Wing had crashed troopers had dragged you away, and took you on board of Kylo Rens Star destroyer. It had gotten to the point during being tortured that you started to dissociate from the reality that was happening around you.

"What are they doing?" Hux asked a lieutenant that was in your cell with him,

"It seems they are distancing themselves from reality sir, to cope with the pain." The lieutenant responded as they look down at you, and your weakened state as you stared into the distance.

Back on the resistance base, Leia physically forced Poe to go to bed. Making sure that either Rey or Finn were there to make sure he actually slept. He had to be honest, he did feel better physically after getting some well needed rest. After getting some sleep, he woke up and freshend himself up. That was until Finn came running in the room.

"POE! LEIA NEEDS US!!" Finn stated heaving the words out. Poe, BB-8 and Finn running or in BB-8s case rolling at full force down corridors leading towards the control room. There Leia stood over a table of information. Sensing the 2 boys and the droid enter the room, she turned and looked Poe dead in they eye.

"Poe... we found them." She simply stated. A little bit of pressure had lifted off of Poe's shoulders for a moment, knowing that he would be able to get to you. Everything around base started getting busy, Poe, Finn, Rey and BB-8 got the falcon ready and we're on their way to the ship.

You were still in your cell on the floor. The extent of your injuries worse than anyone on base has had for a long while. You were certain that your leg was broken from the crash, only to be made worse by Hux and his men. They hadn't given you anything to eat or drink, so your hydration levels were extremely low. Cuts and bruises had formed all over your body. You were finding it difficult to move anything, and the extent of some of your injuries would probably require some PT and a slow recovery.

Inside the Millenium Falcon, Poe sat there nervously his leg bouncing up and down. Rey walked over to him and kneeled in front of him.

"We're gonna find them Poe." Rey stated quietly,

"I know. It's just.... what state they'll be in." He replied even quieter. She left him to simmer with his thoughts until it was time to board the destroyer. The destroyer came into view after dropping out of hyperspace, and Rey could sense your presence but it was very weak. After spending a few minutes, the three of them along with BB-8 were aboard the ship and Rey used the force on some troopers to find you.

Coming to a stop outside your cell, BB-8 got the door open for the others. Poe was first in, and the sight shattered his heart into a million little pieces.

"Y/N? Honey, it's Poe. We're taking you home." Poe stated quietly. He could see your shallow breathes, but there was no recognition of the fact that he was there and not to mention you were almost cold to the touch. Picking you up as gently as he could, he heard you groan and your eyebrows pinch a little.

"Poe?" Your voice cracked as you felt your body being lifted,

"Yeah baby, I'm here I'm saving you baby. We're going home." Poe responded. The five of you moved through the ship, Finn and BB-8 in front, Poe with you in and out of consciousness in the middle and Rey at the back. It wasn't long until you were all in the hanger, blaster fire all over the place. But you all managed to get away on the Falcon.

Poe laid you gently on the bed, and sat next you holding your hand. Rey and Finn left the two of you alone, knowing that Poe would just want to be with you and not talk. As he sat next to you, he felt your hand squeeze his ever so slightly but no words came out. You were too tired.

"I know baby, we're two minutes away from base." He said quietly to you, his free hand stroking your hair back gently. Surely enough two minutes later, the falcon dropped out of hyperspace right above the current planet the base was on.

Medics rushed onto the falcon, helping transfer you onto a floating medical bed. Poe ran behind them on the way to medical, but soon stopped him when they went to get ready to be treated. Poe started sobbing, as he slid down the wall not realising that Leia had just arrived. She got Poe to stand up and then drew him in for a hug and let him cry. Leia knew that you two were in love, and it made her heart break to know that Poe almost lost you in the way he lost his mother, but also then having to hear you have been tortured by the First Order.

Eventually, Poe and Leia were allowed to see you. You looked better, the miracle of bacta doing its job. And when Poe touched your hand it was far warmer than it had been previously. It took you a long while to wake up, the bacta working as best it could. The medics checked on you frequently, and Poe stayed next to you for almost the entire time.

You opened your eyes, the bright light of medical causing then to shut again. Slowly your eyes adjusted to the light and you were able to see what was going on around you. Looking to the left of you, you saw Poe dozing at an odd angle in the chair next to you.

"Poe..." you croaked barely anything coming out, "Poe." You managed to say a bit louder. He sat up with a start, almost falling off of the chair. His eyes were wide but tired, as he looked at you tears welled in his but a smile was across his face.

"Hi honey, how are you feeling?" Poe asked quietly stroking your hair back,

"Like absolute shit. You look tired." You replied bringing one hand up to his face.

"It's cause I am baby, you gave me a scare." Poe stated leaning into your hand and locking eyes,

"Your gonna need physical therapy for that leg you know." He continued kissing the palm of your hand.

"I'm sorry I scared you flyboy. And I know, I gathered that when I was.... when I was. Yeah I gathered." You stuttered out, everything suddenly coming back to you at once. You looked at Poe, tears now falling down your face.

"K-kriff I'm.... im so sorry Poe. I almost left you and... and I was so scared, all I could think about was you." You continued breathing starting to get more panicky.

"No, no baby. Hey listen Y/N it's fine, there is nothing to be sorry about. Baby just breathe, please just breathe for me." Poe stated instantly taking your hand in his and calming you down. Eventually you started breathing properly again and squeezed your eyes shut for a moment.

"I'm sorry Poe." You whispered,

"It's okay baby, I understand. You've had a bad few weeks. But I'm not going anywhere and neither are you, because you're safe." Poe responded kissing you gently.

***********************************

It had just been over a month now that Poe had rescued you. Medical had cleared you to go to your own quarters, but you had to go back either every day or every other day for physical therapy. Some days were better than others.

If Poe was away though, you'd spin his mother's ring around your finger. Which he had given to you as a sign of unity, not long after you were discharged.

Today though, you had a rest from therapy and you decided you'd go sit outside and watch Black Squadron practice flight maneuvers. Sensing a presence next to you, you turned and saw that it was Wedge. Wedge Antilles was like a father to you, he was one of the first faces you saw when you joined the Resistance, and he was the one that taught you everything that you knew.

Standing up, you smiled and hugged him. He sat down next to you and looked at the X-Wings flying past.

"Hey Wedge." You said smiling at the older gentleman,

"Hey kid, how's the leg?" He asked smiling back at you.

"It has its moments. It gets bad some days and then others it's like I didn't injure it. But therapy is helping, I just wanna get back out there." You replied looking up as Poe soared past,

"Yeah I know the feeling. I didn't tell you about the time I basically had the same accident as you did I?" He stated tracking your eyes to your fiancé.

"No sir." You shook your head, now focusing on Wedge,

"Not long after the fall of the Empire and the destruction of the second Death star, I went out of my way to find if there was any remnants of the Empire left behind. One day, my ship got shot by a Tie and I crashed into one of the few remaining star destroyers. Injured myself of course, spent a little while moving around the ship before being caught and tortured for answers. This was above the planet Akiva, and they took me to the imperial Palace which was a magnificent building. After that I don't really remember much, but that's where I met Snap and his mum. I done therapy for a injury similar to yours." He explained, his eyes looking into the distance as he remembered.

"I didn't know that you met Snap that long ago." You replied,

"Yeah, he had a droid modified from the clone wars called MR BONES. But the thing is, therapy will get better Y/N." He stated smiling a sense of understanding there.

"Thank you Wedge." You smiled back giving him a hug again. The two of you sat there for a while, until you both agreed that getting food from the mess sounded good. You used your cane to help you around, sometimes placing most of your weight on it.

The good thing was that you had someone who understood how you felt, someone who loved you dearly and someone that could bring you or your fiancé comfort anytime.

[tintinwrites]

the stars were made for falling | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Fifteen

A/N: You simply cannot imagine the emotion I have poured into this piece. I really hope you all like it.

Rating: M but only bc it’s slightly dark

Warning: Angst. Naughty words. Mentions of past torture. Slight sexual references.

Word count: 4,133, apparently!!

Summary: Poe sees Rey emerge from her room for the first time and they have a chat. His talk with you is not nearly as lighthearted as that one.

Masterlist

GIF credit: captain-flint

Tags: @marvelous-revengers @the-lady-of-stars @jxhn-mxrphy @ella-solei @chloe-skywalker @itsamedeemoney @shakespeareanwannabe @fxnxtical @peachdameron @ladyflyer20 @americasass-romanoff​ @thetoxicegg​ @spaghetti-666​ @dogsandrocketsocks​ @katshrev​ @woakiees​ @yougottakeeponkeepinon​ @arsonistvoyager​ @pnkthunder​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ @charlotteisabella​ @bisexual-space-slut​

                                       ---------------------------------

Poe didn’t visit the medbay again. It was clear that his presence only made you angry and you’d been in a lot of pain when you were laying how you felt out for him.

He didn’t want to hurt you anymore than he already did.

A briefing with Leia told him you were cleared to leave, but you had to rest in your quarters since walking only aggravated your injury.

It was probably once or twice a day that he would find himself approaching your door, wanting to knock, and come in, and fall to his knees for you, and sob into your bed about how much he hated himself for everything he did to you — from letting you be tortured by them to letting his own stupidity treat you like you were nothing to him.

He would stand there for probably twenty minutes with his hand raised to knock.

Then he’d shake his head at himself and go wherever he’d intended to go, knowing you weren’t ready to hear what he had to say.

You emerged from your quarters about a week or so later, Poe’s heart seeming to skip a beat when he saw you slowly, carefully walk into the dining hall with Finn behind you.

He pretty much molded himself to the caf machine when you walked by, shrinking under the glare of Finn, not sure if it was from how he’d acted when you were hurt or maybe you told him everything he’d done.

Leia was the only person with enough grace to forgive his dumb ass and that was only because she had the love of a mother in her heart.

He saw you walking around the base a little more every day, whether you were having a meal or doing your best to get back into the swing of working on what little the General was allowing you to do, and anything he wanted to say to you seemed terrifying as soon as he’d lay eyes on you.

All his confidence and passion to tell you how sorry he was and to open up to you like you’d begged him to seemed like something undoable when he’d see you, think about you crying if he dared to open his mouth about everything.

He had never been the kind of guy who shied away from what he wanted to say, but he was scared of hurting you or angering you more.

Most nights involved nightmares of being tased or hurting you which meant he would sleep for a couple hours then try to find something to distract himself.

BB-8 had mostly forgiven him, but he was met with quite the reprimand when he woke him up from charging for a little company.

He was used to wandering around the base alone at night, whether he decided to work on one of the broken down ships that had been bartered for or try to spruce up the place a bit to make it more homey.

Imagine his surprise when a figure stepped out of the dining hall as he was passing by and Rey stood there with wide eyes, some snack hanging halfway out of her mouth.

With everything, he had almost forgotten; Rey’s seclusion the moment she came back from helping you escape the First Order, Hux’s mention of being the Supreme Leader.

“Long time no see.” His voice was soft as if he might spook her with how long it had been since she’d even left her room for more than a second, though it occurred to him that he’d been wrapped up in himself enough that perhaps he didn’t notice her healing.

“I heard you’ve been a difficult man,” she said around a bite of food, slowly taking the rest of it out of her mouth.

Great. Not even the woman who had mostly been hiding away was unaware of his stupidity.

He ducked his head in shame, but realized that you and him were not the only ones broken by what the First Order had done.

“Stupid question. How are you doing?”

“I’m...alright.”

“You’re a liar.”

“Really, Poe.”

He was leveled with a stare that was half-sad and half-hopeful, and he moved to sit with his back against the wall, gesturing for Rey to sit across from him.

They sat there with their legs stretched out, finding space between each other’s feet for their own to comfortably lay.

“I really thought I could convince Ben...Kylo to come to our side, but the power of winning went to his head. He wanted me to join him still and I said no and...all I could think of was Leia.” She ran her arm across her face to wipe away her tears and Poe could almost see the scavenger she once was in the movement.

“She never even mentioned feeling him...or maybe she did. I’ve been such a self-absorbed asshole lately…” He took the bit of food that Rey offered him.

“Lately?” She flashed him a little smile.

“You’re so funny.” He had to admit that it was nice to see someone smirk at him rather than glare or cry at him.

“She knew. She did come to me telling me she...understood that it needed to happen and that he was past the point of coming to the light. It took me a bit to believe her, but I’m...I’m alright now.”

“He was kind of a dick anyway.”

It was also nice to be able to have a little humor even if he was still broken down inside, something he didn’t realize was missing when he was the one being a dick.

Rey rolled her eyes at the way he waved his hand as if Kylo Ren was entirely unimportant despite the way her neck would tinge pink at the introduction of inappropriate words, then looked at him with soft sympathy. “How is she?”

He furrowed his brow. “Who? Leia?”

She gave him a meaningful stare. “Finn told me everything that happened and he popped in once or twice to tell me some things, but he’s been busy helping Y/N to give me any more updates.”

“She...she, um...you know, she’s fine, uh, I’ve seen her around a bit more now and she’s a little bit slow, but that’s what happens when someone stabs you in the back. When two people stab...I’m sorry.” The light humor was now replaced with his own guilt and pain as he put a hand over his eyes to shield his tears from her.

“A wise man once told me that it’s good to cry,” Rey hummed, leaning forward to gently tug his hand down.

That was him before he became like this, had let his own brokenness turn him into a shell of the man who used to try his hardest to be good; Finn and Rose had been taken and Rey tried to hide her tears from him when she ran off and he told her that.

He’d cried or gotten emotional about it every day until that night in the pilot’s seat when he found something that eased it all.

And how did he repay you?

He stabbed you in the back before Hux ever did, pulled himself away from you even though he was something you cared for and told you that night meant nothing.

“I fucked up, Rey. I thought pushing her away was the right thing to do, but I only hurt her more and now? I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me. I don’t blame her.” It was obvious to him now that you must have told Finn what happened and Finn must have told Rey during one of the times he went to her quarters to see her, and her silence now made him wonder if she kind of hated him, too.

“I’m not exactly well-versed in this, Poe, and you did some terrible things...but I remember when you were taken that she was crying. That means she cares for you, doesn’t it? She’s going to forgive you one day. Not that you truly deserve it.” What might have been seen as offensive yet correct was softened by the dimpled grin Poe saw.

“I hope you’re right about that. You know, it’s late. Shouldn’t you be in bed right now?”

“I was hungry!”

Rey waved her half-eaten snack in the air and Poe laughed softly as he stood, reaching to help her to her feet and tilting his head at the strange look that was now in her eye. “What?”

She smiled. “You’re a good man. I’m starting to learn that even good men are stupid sometimes and I’m sure she’ll forgive you.”

He was not as sure since you had told him that he wasn’t a good man, but you were angry in that moment. Maybe if he proved himself to you…maybe he’d done too much to you for you to ever forgive him. He needed to try proving himself, though, right? You’d never forgive him if he gave up on you as if it didn’t really matter to him.

You mattered too much for him to give up on winning your favor again.

“You should get some sleep, Rey.”

“You look as if you haven’t slept in months, Poe.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“You should try.”

He grunted, watching her walk down the hallway. He wasn’t sure if she meant try to get some shut eye or try talking to you as if she could read his mind about trying to show you he hated himself for what he’d done to you.

Could she do that with the Force or was she intuitive? He wasn’t really sure, but now he was thinking that if he didn’t try to talk to you again in fear that he would hurt you and it would lead nowhere, it was certain that you would never forgive him.

He would do this.

You’d begged him all that time to come back to you and opened up to you, and he’d been too afraid to hurt you with his own pain that he’d hurt you even more.

It was time he told you everything.

Time he let it all out.

Perhaps it would be good for him as well as a way to show you that he was serious about how much he cared for you, that he didn’t mean anything he’d said or done to you when he was trying to push you away.

You mattered too much for him to let his fears make you think you didn’t.

                                  ----------------------------

He was going to talk to you.

He was going to do everything you had pleaded with him to even though it would hurt, even though he was afraid his own pain would hurt you.

Maybe you didn’t want to hear it, but he owed it to you.

Maybe you would send him away or maybe you would realize how much he really did regret pushing you away.

It was your choice.

Baring his pain was the least he could do for you and you had every right to say it wasn’t enough, to tell him to fuck right off.

Then he supposed he could move on with the knowledge that he didn’t need your forgiveness because any hope of even a friendship with you would be squashed.

And he could deal with the woman he loved hating him and it being all his fault for acting the way he did.

Right?

That thought alone made him want to turn right around and speed walk away from your quarters, but the thought of your possible forgiveness and what he owed to you regardless of whether you forgave him or not made him knock on the door.

It was opened to show Finn standing there; Finn who pulled himself together for you and Finn who knew it was more important to take care of you than to push you away.

Poe ducked his head. “Can I talk to her alone?”

Finn stared, then looked over his shoulder at what was probably you somewhere further in the room. “It’s Poe, you want—?”

There seemed to be a silent conversation and then Finn — a man he considered to be his best friend in the galaxy, but, stars, it’d been a long time since they last really talked — looked at him begrudgingly, stepping into the hallway.

He grabbed onto Poe’s arm when he moved to walk into the room.

“What you did...was not cool. She’s still healing, from you and from being stabbed. Please, Poe, just…”

“I know.”

Finn relented somewhat, gazing into Poe’s earnest, sad eyes and patting him on the shoulder as he moved past him to go take a little break from helping you.

Now Poe was a little scared again as he stepped into your quarters, wondering if he was going to be greeted by you immediately pelting something at his head.

He would have let you throw an X-wing at his head if you had the strength to do such a thing.

But you looked calm, staring at him from where you were sitting on the foot of your bed, hair freshly wet from the sanisteam.

“Hey.” He offered you a tiny smile.

“What do you want?” Apparently you were in no mood for his awkward greeting, standing up with a speed that showed it had been so long since he talked to you that you had time to heal from a knife to the back.

“I thought maybe we could talk...or I could talk…”

“What about?”

He ran a hand through his hair because you had clearly had time to cool; you were perfectly civil to him rather than railing into him like you could have, but there was anger simmering there. “I know you wanted me to open up to you, baby—”

“Don’t call me that. Please, I...not now.” You crossed your arms over your chest, shielding yourself from him of all people because he hurt you.

“I know this is too little, too late, but I owe it to you. You wanted me to open up to you and I didn’t, I was too scared that my pain would only hurt you. But I was stupid. I hurt you. I’m going to try and make up for everything I did, but...but you don’t have to forgive me. I hope you will, but I understand if you want me out of your life. You were right that I can’t expect you to be okay again by just saying I’m sorry. Those words mean nothing.” He was hopeful when he could tell you were mulling it over in your head.

“I begged you to open up to me, Poe, and I had to be stabbed for you to treat me with some decency.” Your voice was quivering with emotion already.

“I know...it was stupid of me to push you away like that, to let my brokenness turn me into someone I’m not. Please let me do this for you...for myself...now? You can listen, then kick me out of your life if you want. That would be okay.” That would certainly not be okay, but Poe would have to deal with the pain to let you make your own decision that made you feel safe.

You looked down for a moment, then nodded.

This little permission of yours that allowed him to open up to you like you’d wanted made him ecstatic, but he was at a loss for words at first.

Where did one start when talking about the things that scarred them?

Especially when there was this much.

“Where should I start?” His voice was soft, eyes pleading with the detached look on your face.

“Where it started hurting.” No wonder his pain had turned him into a closed off shell of a man who pushed people away when the slightest ounce of kindness in your tone made him want to start crying already.

“It didn’t, at first. You know, I didn’t give a shit what they’d do to me since you and Rey were safe, and I said that right into Hux’s cocky, pasty face.” He was smiling, nearly grinning at the memory of the way Hux’s lips twitched in disdain at his audacity.

His smile still made your heart flutter somewhere beneath your anger; when was the last time you’d seen a genuine, big smile from him? Not the night you’d spent together, nor the morning when he told you that it all meant nothing to him.

A reminder to you of why it did not matter whether he smiled or not.

He hurt you.

How was it possible to still love the smile of someone who hurt you like he did?

“He did some big speech about winning and finally capturing a ‘delusional, irritating twit’ like me, told me that Kylo wanted to execute me in front of everyone but that he had something more fun planned for me. They took my jacket and made me change into, like, what you saw and when I had my shirt off, he told the stormtroopers to stop and…” He had the eyes of a ghost now, haunted and broken.

“They took...they...took...my mom’s ring,” The words seemed to force themselves out of his mouth, faltering around a sob as the painful memory resurfaced for him, and you slowly lifted your head to look at him with...sympathy. “He broke the chain and said he would have it destroyed. And I haven’t...I didn’t...I guess he did? And I tried to escape at first, I tried to fight back at them.

“So they started to...taze me and I still wouldn’t give up. It was probably, like, a week? In that Hux decided to replace my mom’s ring with that chain, to treat me like a fucking pet. I don’t...I don’t even know when I gave up, you know? One day I just...didn’t care anymore. Not when I could see Finn walking around completely oblivious to it all. Not when I knew there was no way out of this.” Tears were unashamedly streaming down his face and still, he tried to talk with that carefree air of his.

“Then they brought you. And I could’ve saved you, I could’ve protected you, but I wanted you to live and I made you live with them. I think about that every day, that I could have let them shoot you and you never would have had to go through that torture. But I didn’t. And having you there...it gave me something to fight for.”

Adoration poured from his haunted eyes and you had to cast your own gaze to the floor or you might have broken right then and there just to feel those eyes on you like a salve for the pain he caused. “And everything else didn’t matter anymore. The tazing...the chain...getting the shit beat out of me didn’t feel like a damn thing when you laid there with your head in my lap, peaceful for the first time in Maker knew how long.”

Your arms fell to your sides at some point during his regaling, relaxed and open.

“Hurting you killed me. I smacked you way too hard and I know that, but I didn’t want him to make me do something worse and I didn’t want him to make me do it again if it wasn’t good enough, and...seeing you fall to the floor because of me replays in my dreams, watching you get tazed, how you cried just because you had to help clean me...how...how...sweet and worried you were for me when I was the reason all this was done to you. All I wanted to do was get you out of there and then I saw you in that uniform and...I don’t remember anything until I saw Hux with his hand around your throat.” You hadn’t granted him permission to say anything beyond what was hurting him, but you glanced up and knew by the softening of his face that something had shifted inside of his head.

“I think about everything I did to you and—and sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of my own head when I think about them pressing that stave into me, but you know what I think about most of all? You did what I couldn’t do. So brave and...you were smart and you did everything you had to do to get us out of there even though it killed you. You were sweet, and you cared, and I ruined it. I was in pain and I was scared, and I pushed it all down, tried to hide by pushing you as far away as I possibly could, but you know what? I lied to you.

“That night? In the Falcon? It meant everything to me. Everything was...stressful and overwhelming, and with Finn and Rose being taken it all seemed so hopeless. And then you were there and you were so...so fucking beautiful. You were soft and you were lonely, and I was too. The memory of that night is one of the things that kept me going for you.” His voice was gentle and low, practically wrapping around you.

“And I told you that I didn’t say I loved you, because I couldn’t tell you that I didn’t love you. I do love you. I do, baby. I do.”

You didn’t tell him not to call you by that name again, but you did turn your face away with a whispered, halfhearted no when he tried to cup your face in his hands, your chin quivering.

He dropped his hands to his sides, staring at you with his brow furrowed in sympathy at your pain once more caused by him. “Having you in my arms again...being inside you again...it was like everything that happened to us was okay for a second. And I watched you sleep for probably hours that morning and you looked perfect, and I was sure everything that I kept pushing down would ruin you and that I would taint you with everything that was hurting me, and I couldn’t do it after everything I already did to you.”

Lifting his hand, tears falling down steadily, he ran his fingers over your hair, your cheek, your neck, pausing with his hand over your heart. “And look what I...what I...I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice broke with emotion as he dropped to his knees before you, his head pressing into your thighs as he wept.

You nearly toppled over, but his hands came up to grip at your shirt and your hips, keeping you pressed tight to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I let them hurt you. I’m sorry that I ever made you think you meant so little to me when you mean more than everything in this fucking galaxy. I’m sorry I loved you this much when you deserve better. Please forgive me. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I do. But I love you and I want to fix what I did. Please forgive me, I never want to hurt you again…” He was sobbing into you, pleading desperately with you, and tears were now streaming down your cheeks as you listened to the broken man at your feet.

“Fine,” you sobbed, the single word trembling.

Poe looked up at you with his brow pulled tight together, his eyes hopeful though still swimming with tears. “You forgive me?”

You shook your head. “No, but I’m willing to give you the chance to prove yourself to me and if you ever hurt me like that again…”

“Thank you. Thank you!” He didn’t even let you finish, gripping you tighter and pressing passionate kisses to your abdomen and thighs until he nestled his head into you again, shoulders shaking with sobs.

“I know.” That he was grateful, that he had been hurting all along even though you’d closed yourself off to it in your own hurt.

Much like he had done the night you had poured your soul out to him, your hand came down to awkwardly touch his head as if you’d never touched the man in your life; soon you found a slow rhythm of running your fingers gently through his curls.

And you were hopeful for what felt like the first time in forever.

Maybe you could forgive a man who let himself fall apart like this, maybe you could love him someday.

Maybe everything he’d done hurt so much because somewhere, deep down, you already did.

[elderbwrry]

Even if he doesn't say so

A little darkgingerpilot Witcher AU I discussed months ago with @cleversturmhond I have no concept of how time passes anymore

Summary: The Witcher meets a bard, the bard meets a mage, and they travel the continent. Kylo knows what he feels, but he can't seem to act. Hux acts without talking about things. And Poe... well, what does Poe feel?

Tags: Witcher AU, Inspired by The Witcher, Slow Burn, if you count 13k as slow burn i guess, within the story its slow burn, fantasy medieval setting, Self-Indulgent, Mage Hux, witcher kylo, Bard Poe, scenic, They're oblivious, sex references, Yearning, i guess, im slapping a mature on it for sex references and some minor violence but honestly ehhh idk, darkgingerpilot

Chapter 1/2/3/?, wordcount 5012

also on Ao3

Whenever someone asked Kylo, he always said he preferred to keep to himself and the company of Silence, his horse and his best companion for the very fact of her name; she didn't talk, she didn't disturb the meditative quiet of his lonely rides, and, most importantly, he wasn't unsure how to curry her favour. An apple would do it. His current companions, on the other hand...

For some gods-forsaken reason, Poe and Hux were quarrelling about a composer who had been dead for over a century. When the three of them had first started travelling together years ago, and in the short time since they'd reunited, such discussion had been endearing; both of them were opinionated about certain things, and their conversations often turned into little debates over whatever topic arose while they were travelling. This was one of those occasions, Kylo enjoying listening to their thoughts and voices filling up the worn country roads. A throwaway comment had become interesting; Kylo didn't actually know much about this particular composer, whereas Hux and Poe both did, and, though Kylo didn't often contribute to these discussions in any great detail since the other two were both so much better with words, he did like to learn something new occasionally. But now, several hours into their journey and still on the same subject, it was just getting fucking annoying.

“I literally studied her work. You can't just turn around and say she wasn't revolutionary,” Poe objected, trotting along between Silence and Hux's own horse on the wide bridleway, looking up at Hux indignantly.

Poe's lowered position made it seem slightly laughable when Hux looked down at him and countered, “Since I actually met the woman, I think you'll find I can,” before prompting his horse to walk on ahead of them.

Poe picked up his pace a little and continued the argument, making some musical point Kylo didn't understand either. He tried to tune them out a bit as he let Silence drop back a short distance behind the them.

Considering how much time the three of them spent around each other in recent years, Kylo supposed he should be glad disagreements as lengthy as these were relatively few. And, certainly, they were fewer even than when it had only been Kylo and Poe on the path together.

[break]

Kylo had met Poe many years ago – at least a decade, if he thought about it – when he'd been compelled by his work to go through the city he'd been born in. Not only was the place particularly unfriendly to Witchers, but also had relations of his – distant now, yet he wanted to avoid them nonetheless – in positions of authority. Kylo had used a fake name, a low hood to hide his eyes, his scar, and stuck to the dingiest taverns, but a curly-haired, high-born young man had recognised him anyway, sitting himself down confidently at Kylo's corner table, offering his name, and saying, “I know you. You're that famous Witcher.”

Kylo had eyed his unwelcome acquaintance – Poewas what he introduced himself as – guessing that he couldn't yet be twenty summers old. Of course, Kylo was no good with ages – his own longevity had corroded his sense for them until everyone seemed either old or young in confusing measures – but Poe's next request had practically confirmed his suspicion.

“Would you let me come with you?” Poe had asked the second the bar-wench had placed down Kylo's ale.

“Come with me where?” Kylo grunted. He wasn't in the mood to bodyguard some noble, out for the first time in a world without castle walls.

“Well, where are you going?” Poe's eyes had glinted as he offered Kylo a charming smile.

Kylo had appraised him again, taking in his youth, his rich clothes, his courage, and summarily said, “No.”

Poe's smile didn't drop, even though Kylo could see his only half-amused chuckle for the frustration it was. “Come on, I just wanna see a bit of the world. Get away from my guardian's expectations.”

“The Queen?” Kylo had asked, an imprudently displayed gold ring on the youth's finger catching the light.

Poe had shrugged a yes.

It only made Kylo refuse all the more. The Queen was one of the people Kylo was known to by unfortunate fact of his heritage, someone he never wanted to anger, in case of her having some cause to meet with him personally. Poe, while not her blood family, would surely be missed, as her ward, were he to make off with a Witcher, especially with the one so primarily known for the massacre at Crait.

Poe's gaze went steely at Kylo's final dismissal, and he'd left the tavern quickly after that. It couldn't have been two years later when Kylo encountered the young man again, fine doublet swapped for something a little more incognito in orange and brown tones, a lute slung over his back and all the more determination to see everything.

Kylo hadn't refused him a second time, and he wouldn't have been able to, since Poe no longer had any qualms about following him uninvited. Thus, he had a new travelling companion.

Just as he suspected, Poe was a liability in some aspects of the job where monsters were concerned, but Poe had also dragged him, limping, back to camp before, bandaged his wounds, fetched his potions. His life had undeniably turned for the better with the bard around; Poe was a talented musician, it turned out, and the extra income and incentive to stay at inns meant Kylo was now more acquainted with feather pillows than he'd ever hoped to be. The positive company had made Kylo better as well, at talking to people, at putting up with them, at giving life nuance. His path was lighter with Poe on it.

They became comfortable around each other. They began to argue, about the silly things people who know each other well and cared for each other deeply argue about, about which direction to head in, which inn to stop at, about the jacket Kylo had left to get trampled by the last monster he'd fought. Barely a day went by without some kind of silly quibble to that effect, but it never truly changed the form of their relationship.

Then, they'd met Hux.

[break]

Kylo had been around long enough that he'd thought he'd heard of most of the other powerful, non-mortal beings on the continent, so randomly running into an evidently strong mage like Hux, who he'd never heard of, was a bit surprising. Kylo had been employed to go and rid a keep up on the hill of whatever it was that was plaguing it. He was expecting to take a while to figure it out, but when he arrived, the malevolent spirits were revealed easily by the mage already locked in battle with them.

The fight the man was putting up was impressive, given the sheer number of foes. He was spewing fire everywhere, manipulating the elements to his will, his bright hair and swan-white robe whipped around by the wind he was creating, but eventually Kylo could see he was losing, and so joined him in the fight. It was fortuitous that they were both there, as Kylo certainly couldn't have defeated them all on his own either. When the last spirit was destroyed, however, Hux had spun round, announced that he had decidedly notrequired the help of some filthy Witcher, and flounced off. He'd gotten about ten paces when he collapsed from the sheer exertion of having used his magic in such a manner.

So Kylo had carried the mage back to camp and laid him down on his bedroll to recuperate.

Poe was travelling with Kylo at that time, and, though he was surprised to see Hux, he seemed very glad to see Kylo back from the fight, juiced up on potions but otherwise unharmed. His smile had made Kylo's heart do something he didn't really understand, the same thing it did when Poe met his gaze during a performance at whatever tavern they were staying at, the same when Kylo said something complimentary to him. Indeed, it was becoming more and more of a common feeling, and Kylo was finding that he rather liked it.

When Kylo suggested he should probably go find a rabbit or something for dinner, Poe seemed happy enough to watch over the mage until he returned, and Kylo had picked his way into the forest they were camping on the edge of with his head full of thoughts of Poe. His distraction had meant he took longer than usual to catch something, and when he got back, it was to find Poe backed against a tree, Hux threatening him using a dagger Kylo hadn't realised he'd had on him.

“Kylo!” Poe had shouted when he saw him – and again, the weird thing Kylo's heart did around Poe – equal parts relieved and pissed off.

Hux relaxed only slightly at knowing whose camp it was he had been brought to, and, once Kylo had convinced him to lower the weapon, he protested strongly that he didn't want anyone's help or charity, and that he was offended to have been carried around like some damsel. Poe told him he was very welcome to fuck off, but it soon became clear that Hux wasn't in any shape to be going off on his own, so he stayed with them that night.

Kylo was settling in to sleep on the opposite side of the fire to Hux when Poe dumped his bedroll down next to him, closer than usual – cue the weird heart thing again – and lay down. All Kylo had managed to ask was, “What are you doing?”

Huffing, Poe leaned up to peer over Kylo's arm at where Hux was lying, turned away from them on the far side of their little camp. “He tried to kill me today. I don't wanna wake up with my throat cut for some magey shit.”

Kylo considered pointing out that Poe wouldn't wake up at all if his throat had been slit, but he was more struck by the implication that Poe was trusting him to protect him. Usually, people were more likely to fear that Kylo would be the one killing them after whatever monster he'd been hired to dispatch, but Poe was different, and always had been, really. He insisted that Kylo had good in him, that he wasn't all the darkness that Witchers were supposed to be. He wasn't entirely right, of course, but it was nice to have someone hope in him.

So instead of making the bard move away, all Kylo had said was, “You'll get cold, so far from the fire,” and offered Poe an extra side of his own blanket.

One night of Hux staying with them turned into two, into three, into a week's travel to the neighbouring city. In fact, Kylo was almost sad to see the severe mage leave, as it meant he and Poe went back to their usual sleeping arrangements, instead of curling up together with Kylo as his shield.

[break]

Months later, to Kylo's surprise, Hux sought him out. He was after a gem of something something and he needed hired muscle that he could trust would actually get the job done. Hux had found them by the coast, and the first thing he said as he took Poe in was, “You're still travelling with him, are you?” Kylo wasn't sure whether the question was meant for him or Poe, but they'd both answered definitively.

The month and a half of travel it took to reach the mountain cave system in which the gem was kept saw Poe and Hux grow accustomed to each other, if not strictly friendly. Poe didn't resume his habit of sleeping next to Kylo, Hux didn't try to kill Poe again, and eventually they stopped speaking to each other in jibes and barbs.

Hux and Kylo also ended up bonding; they would sit together in taverns while Poe was performing and talk, about things that they remembered from when they were young, things Poe had learned only from his history professors. It was nice to have someone who related, who had experienced similar things to him, who understood what it was to be not-quite human and tied to a duty they didn't quite want. Hux had been raised in magic, it turned out, and, as they talked, Kylo realised it wasn't so different to being raised into killing as he had been. The small, commiserating smiles Hux offered struck Kylo deeply, and one day he realised that Hux, bathed in the yellow, glowing tavern light, was beautiful.

When they reached the cave systems that were their destination, Poe had to stay in the local town while Hux and Kylo went in search of the gem, since the place was too unknown and dangerous to risk him coming. And it did turn out to be dangerous; Hux and Kylo each saved each others' life a few times, had several close calls, and, once all the stress and danger of the adventure had turned into the satisfaction of success, they translated that pent-up tension into a vigorous fuck on the way out.

“I don't know why you keep him around,” Hux commented as they trudged back to the town to meet Poe, gem firmly in his grasp. “He can't help you with your work like I could.”

Kylo supposed that was true. “He helps me be better,” Kylo replied, which was also true.

Hux made a derisive sound. “Does he, now.”

Kylo shook his head at Hux's tone. “Why don't you like him? You have plenty in common.”

“It's not that I don't like him,” Hux said, tossing his head to get a strand of hair which had slipped in front of his eyes out of the way. Considering Kylo was grimy and dishevelled from the fighting, Hux's deep crimson tunic still looked remarkably put together, and it gave him a haughty air as he said, “I know his type. I've served them in courts all over the continent for centuries. They think they're entitled to everything without working for it and without thanking the people who actually make it possible. He's just another ungrateful, mortal noble.”

Kylo thought about what he said for a good minute. “You're wrong,” he said.

[break]

Back at the inn, Poe had the entire town in the palm of his hand thanks to his songs. He looked charming as ever, flashing smiles to all the ladies who were fawning over him, but Kylo was happy to see that, when Poe spotted them enter, his smile softened and a new light entered his eyes. This time, the flip in Kylo's heart felt more natural than ever.

When Kylo emerged from the bathhouse, Poe was already waiting in his room for a full account of the adventure so he could turn it into his latest ballad. Kylo related what happened as he usually did, keeping to the bare facts and trusting Poe to make them into pretty wordplay later, until he got to the end, at which point he decided that Poe didn't strictly need to know that Hux had pushed him up against the wall of the cave and kissed him with a ferocity he wasn't likely to forget any time soon.

But Poe noticed the brief hesitation and looked up from his little book where he'd been scribbling notes. “What?” he asked.

Kylo shrugged. “Nothing. We left to come back here,” he said, pulling the shirt he was wearing off and reaching for a different one.

“Did something bite you?”

Kylo could hear the frown in Poe's voice, and he turned back to see Poe's eyes locked on a slightly bruised, reddish ring low on his neck. A vague recollection surfaced in Kylo's mind of Hux tugging down his collar, once his outer layer of armour was off, and digging his teeth hard into the flesh over that spot. He hummed, reaching up to rub at it and thus hide it from Poe's sight. “Must have.”

Poe stood up and approached, batting Kylo's hand out of the way, which he couldn't find the motivation to resist. When Poe ran his thumb over the bruise, he was so warm Kylo pushed into the touch. If Poe noticed, he didn't comment, his brow was deeply furrowed. “What kind of monster even has teeth like that?”

A knock came on the door. “Kylo,” Hux called from outside, “we need to talk about payment.”

“I'm...” Kylo hesitated, feeling strangely and suddenly like he'd betrayed Poe. “I'm coming.”

Kylo wasn't sure what about him looked guilty, but Poe seemed to realise at that moment where the mark came from. “Oh,” he said, stepping away and back to his book.

Not long after that, Poe announced his intention to head back to his home kingdom. Kylo's mouth went dry. It was Hux who had to ask the platitudes – did he have some business to attend to? How long did he think he would stay? - which Poe replied to blandly, something about responsibility to his mentors. Kylo wanted to ask him to stop, to stay, but all he managed to get out was, “I'll miss you.”

[break]

Time passed.

Poe left for home, taking his light and song with him.

Kylo spent one winter with Hux, back in the keep where they'd first met, which Hux had appropriated for himself, but it was all wrong; there was a grounding influence missing, without which the two of them spent more time treating each other angrily than well. The sex was amazing, but eventually, it felt hollow. The day it became clear that the harshest weather had blown over, Kylo was back on Silence, looking for the next contract out on a monster, something he could hack into pieces without thinking.

The seasons changed, fled and returned until it had been another year. Kylo was firmly back in the blank swing of contract, monster, payment, move along, but the campfire felt lonely after dark, when he had nothing to occupy his mind. He started talking to Silence; she never replied.

Sometimes, Kylo found himself wondering how long it would be until he ran into Hux again, and if he would even want to see him. Maybe he could make the way they left things up to him. They'd had something, after all, and, though it hadn't been perfect, he missed that feeling of love and understanding and protection which Hux provided. Kylo didn't hold out much hope of seeing Poe; he never went near his home city, and why would Poe venture out again? He'd seen his share of the world. He was back in his real life, now.

But eventually, those nights of wondering wore Kylo down, and, quite without intending to, he found himself directing Silence down the path to the kingdoms neighbouring Poe's.

There, Kylo found himself invited to the royal tourney of Queen Phasma, as a guest of honour. She was a renowned warrior, and Kylo reasoned that it would be rude to decline the request of such an esteemed ruler. He reasoned that perhaps she would even have some work for him. He reasoned a lot of things, in his attempt to deny to himself that the real reason was hope that a tourney would be more than enough cause for a neighbouring noble to be in the area, or even just a bard...

The festivities were festivities. It was strange, to watch others fight instead of having to do it himself, and for performance rather than necessity. Though sometimes the rush of people grated on him, Phasma was a gracious host and Kylo enjoyed the good food well enough, always keeping an eye out for some shock of red hair, or those cheerful, dark curls he so hoped for.

His vigilance yielded one of those prizes.

A tall, beautiful, severe looking man entered the great hall one evening for the feast, walking directly up to the main table at which Phasma and Kylo were seated, and didn't even falter when he recognised Kylo's distinctive scar, yellow eyes, dark garb.

“Hux!” Phasma exclaimed standing and marching around the table to pull the man into a hug, which he returned with surprising readiness, “My dear friend, it has been too long!”

Hux gave a half-bow. “I'm sorry I'm late, I was caught up with business.”

“Ah, yes, business,” Phasma said knowingly, “and where is Lord Dameron?”

Hux's eyes flitted over to Kylo's for the briefest of seconds. “Altogether too caught up with his teaching to bother with a tournament, I'm afraid.”

“Well you must tell him I want him at the next one.” With that, she made to retake her seat again, gesturing at Kylo. “Kylo, this is Hux, currently an advisor to court in the neighbouring kingdom and the most talented mage in all the continent. Hux, Kylo, the Witcher.”

“Yes, we've met,” Hux understated, settling his gaze on Kylo fully, now, and extending his hand to Kylo over the table. Not sure what he was expected to do, Kylo gave Hux his hand, and Hux took it, raising it to his lips and kissing Kylo's knuckles.

Kylo wasn't entirely certain if he could blush any more, since the mutations which had turned him into a Witcher, but if he could, he was sure he was, what with so many people around to witness a display of affection which Kylo was unused to at the best of times. Along with that, relief, because it made him feel suddenly like all was forgiven without him having to wrangle the words around an apology.

“Hux, stop that and sit down!” Phasma reprimanded, “The players will begin soon.”

It was only as Hux sat down that Kylo realised the empty chair on his right had likely always been for Hux. No sooner had he settled than the players flooded the floor, dancing into their performance of an old, famous play, something about two supernatural kings vying for the affection of a mortal with all sorts of fanciful gifts.

“This version is better than the original,” Hux remarked a short while in, and Kylo hummed out an assent, though he had never seen it when it first was performed. He was probably too busy wading through drowner guts, or something similarly uncouth.

“So, you're in Poe's court, now?” Kylo asked instead. “Is he king?”

“No,” Hux remarked, picking up his goblet of wine and keeping his gaze on the players. “Nor does he want to be. The Queen has plenty of other worthy successors, and Poe would much rather go back to spending his days as a bard.” He tutted. “Even if he doesn't say so.”

“Why are you there?”

He sighed. “I wanted to see what you meant about him not being like the others, so I offered my services to the Queen.” Kylo hummed again, and this time, Hux turned to look at him. “You were quite right. He's different. I find myself rather taken with him.”

Kylo reached for his own wine now, his mouth suddenly dry. “Oh. Have you..?”

“No. Kylo...” Hux placed his cup down and leaned to the side so his shoulder was brushing Kylo's, even as Kylo was resolutely not looking at him. “He misses you. And I know you miss him.”

As if by design, the lutist started to play, and both their eyes went to the young woman performing in the corner. Kylo found himself thinking, perhaps uncharitably, that she wasn't as talented as Poe, her song wasn't as sweet.

Hux didn't fail to notice this. “I think we should travel together again,” he said.

“We?”

“You and I and Poe,” Hux said, as though it were obvious. “Like we did those few months travelling in from the coast. I've found myself thinking about them a lot.”

Kylo shrugged. “It was only a few months. Things have changed since then.”

“Which is why we should give it another try.” Kylo jolted in slight surprise when he felt Hux's cool hand lay over his own on the arm of the chair. He turned to find Hux looking directly into his eyes. “Stay here for a week after the tourney is over, and I'll have convinced him to come. Kylo.” A tacit command from Hux, as usual, instead of a request.

Kylo nodded.

[break]

So Kylo waited by the city gates, where Hux had sent a messenger bird that he should meet them. He was nervous, when he first spotted the black dot on the distant path that he was sure was them, shuffling from one foot to the other and gripping Silence's reins tight, like that would do anything. He was wondering how he should greet Poe; hello, certainly, and he didn't think he'd be able to stop himself from smiling, but he found that he also wanted to give him a hug, press their lips together, feel that he was really thereagain, after the nearly two years they'd spent apart.

It turned out he needn't have worried, since Poe sprang forward and clasped him into a hug without prompting, talking immediately about where they would be going and how good it would be to be back on the road.

Hux had merely given him a look that said I told you so, and followed after the excitable bard.

That had been nearly two weeks ago.

It turned out that Hux was entirely right; things were different than before, and they were better. The things that had changed were these:

Hux had brought a horse with him, this time, and several other magical items, such as a tent which was far larger inside than it appeared. Poe hadn't bothered with a horse, since he hadn't needed one before, and had thus left the money with which to pay for its upkeep back at home, planning instead to sing for his money like he used to. Kylo rather liked this; it reminded him of old times, when he steadfastly refused to let Poe ride Silence, in case it tired her out too much. The tent, on the other hand, felt annoyingly like Hux was living in style while the two of them were stuck outside, since Hux had never invited them in and Kylo, for one, wasn't about to invite himself.

It seemed Hux and Poe had also developed a much closer friendship, in the time Hux had spent at court. It made Kylo feel a little like he had missed out, like he had time to catch up on, like there was something impenetrable he couldn't access. Kylo supposed it must be similar for Hux, since he and Poe had known each other for so long before he met them, and again for Poe, given that winter when it was only him and Hux, but times like these – Poe and Hux discussing something so academic that Kylo knew so little about – could be daunting as much as interesting.

Mostly, Kylo felt like he still had to make something up to Poe, and he wasn't sure how to do it. He should probably just have a conversation with him about it, but the words never came, and bringing it up when nobody was thinking about it would, he was sure, just sour the mood. And if he just left it, the tension would have to break eventually.

[break]

Ahead of him on the road, Hux and Poe's little argument seemed to have reached a peak point. Kylo had been too lost in his thoughts to pay attention to what they were saying, but now Poe had stopped walking, raising open arms in that way of his that was almost defeated, but actually said he still thought he was right. It was very cute, like he was a turtle with a lute for a shell, and Kylo couldn't help but think his annoyed expression was charming as well.

When Silence reached the spot where Poe was standing, watching Hux ride on with his usual haughty confidence, Kylo hummed. “Did he win?”

Poe huffed, moving again to keep up with Silence's ambling pace. “No, but he's acting like he did. He always thinks he's right.”

Kylo thought about it for a beat; Hux did indeed always think that he was right. It was one of the things that had caused friction in their attempt at a relationship that one winter. It wasn't that all three of them couldn't be stubborn, more that Kylo and Poe had much more ability to hold out against each other's pestering than either of them seemed to have against Hux. One narrowing twitch of those steely-grey eyes, and anyone with even half a sense of self-preservation would surrender. So Kylo could sympathise with Poe's little pout.

They came to the edge of the forest, the village where they planned to stop a short way before them across a few fields. Kylo drew Silence to a halt and put out a hand to Poe, who looked at it first with surprise and then joy. He quickly allowed Kylo to help him up, settling just behind the Witcher, his chest pressed to his back, their thighs brushing against each other with every movement. Kylo could feel it all, and he tried not to let his stomach flip too much when Poe's arms snaked around his sides, hands locking at his front. He cursed inwardly that today he'd chosen to forgo some layers in favour of his cooler shirt.

But then Poe was saying to him over his shoulder – though it felt more like murmuring in his ear - “Come on, I wanna see Hux's face.”

Kylo prodded Silence to walk on, closing the distance on Hux. As they passed, Kylo felt Poe remove one hand to wave at the mage. Looking around, it was in almost slow motion that Hux's expression went from one of mild astonishment to annoyance to jealousy.

“See you there, Hugs!” Poe said, and Kylo smiled to himself.

[that-sw-writer]

Hi! i would like to request number 10 from the Kylo ren/Ben solo angst prompt list with kylo ren! have a lovely day!

10: “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might break down.”

Word count: 1031

Warnings: none really, Kylo Ren is just a sad and angry boi

“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might break down.”

"Supreme Leader Ren wishes to see you, Ma'am."  A pair of Stormtroopers approached you, practically shaking in their armour.

"Tell him I'm busy."  You didn't look up from your desk, filing through a mountain of medical paperwork that had been piling up for days.

"He was very insistent."  You could tell how fearful they were to return empty-handed, and you sighed, throwing down the papers to look at the pair of them.

"Is he injured?  Does he need medical attention?"  You abrasively asked and they paused to look at one another.

"Uh- no Ma'am, I don't think so.  He's just... angry."

You sighed.  Kylo had been a mess lately, you loved him more than anything, but all he had been doing was pushing you away and arguing with you every time you tried to help him.

Despite your relationship not exactly being a secret, it still wasn't 'official' and that meant you had nobody to confide in.  It was exhausting arguing with him all the time, and being the Chief Medic aboard the Finalzer meant you already had stressful days.  The last thing you needed was to then be met with stressful nights, so you had gone back to sleeping in your own quarters and been avoiding Kylo in favour of throwing yourself into your job.

"If it's not a medical emergency, I'm afraid it's not my problem."  You grabbed a clipboard with notes of your current patients attached to it and rose from your seat, marching off towards the wards.  But the stormtroopers hustled to follow you.

"Please Ma'am, if we go back empty handed..."  The trooper who pleaded with you trailed off, everyone knew what happened to the poor people who crossed Kylo when he was angry.

You just weren't ready to be the one who took the brunt of his anger again.  The arguing and the yelling?  You couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry, I really am, but the Supreme Leader is not my responsibility.  I have patients here who actually need my help."  You stopped beside the bed of an officer who was comatose after a battle against the Resistance, checking his vitals and writing them down on your clipboard you prepared to move to the next patient but an armoured hand on your arm stopped you.

"Doctor Y/L/N, please don't make us go back there without you, he'll kill us!"  The second trooper now stepped in and was literally pleading for his life.

Your job was to save lives, and it didn't sit right with you to send these two men marching to their imminent deaths when you knew you could save them.  Realistically if you didn't go with them, their bodies would be being rolled into the Med Bay for your attention within the hour.

You exhaled a sigh, "Okay fine.  I'll come."

Relief visibly washed over the two men, their posture relaxing, "Thank you Ma'am."  They said, and you placed the clipboard down before following them out of the Med Bay and towards High Command.

You didn't know what had happened for Kylo to summon you, but if the last few weeks had been anything to go on then the First Order would have suffered a loss against the Resistance, and you were about to be expected to let the Supreme Leader vent his frustrations to you... or just at you.

From what you had heard around base, you moving back to your own quarters had only upset him more, General Hux had visited the Med Bay and informed you that Kylo was more destructive than ever.  But you weren't about to go running back to him just to make everyone else's lives easier, you had to look after yourself.

When you were outside the High Command conference room you could hear the slashing of his Lightsaber against... well, probably anything in sight.

You weren't afraid of him, you never had been, ever since he had been wheeled into your operation theatre after the fall of Starkiller Base.  You had saved his life, and things had just progressed from there - of course you had to fall in love with a man who was just so... difficult.

The doors flew open, the two troopers ran for their lives when Kylo whipped round, crackling red blade pointed right at you.  The red illuminated your face, but you didn't flinch for a second.

"I don't like being summoned Kylo."  You solemnly told him.  All you had needed from him was space, and he couldn't even give you that.

He lowered his Lightsaber, and the blade retracted moments after.  "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Look, I only came here to save you from killing those troopers, but I have work to do."  You turned on your heel, ready to leave.

"Don't."  He lunged forward and grabbed your arm, forcing you to turn around and face him.

"I'm not staying here just for you to argue with me, when all I've done is try to help you."  You could feel the emotion rising in your chest, you had spent a long time trying to get over Kylo Ren, but the truth was you still loved him.  More than anything.

"I know I was wrong, and you'll never know how sorry I am for the way I've been treating you..." That vulnerability that had first made you fall for him was showing - it had been so long since you'd seen him like this.

"Kylo, I love you... But this just doesn't magically fix everything."  You softly told him, the truth was you were scared of getting your heart broken again.

"I know it doesn't, but if you don't hug me right now I think I might break down."  He looked at you, and his brown eyes had softened, you could see tears pooling in the corners of them.  You couldn't stand seeing him like this.

Exhaling a sigh, you reached forward and wrapped your arms around him, and he collapsed into your embrace.

"I love you."  His words came muffled as his face was buried in your neck.  He was having to crouch an unreasonable amount to hug you.

"I love you too."  You gently replied, pressing a kiss to his head.

It wasn't going to be easy to fix things, you both knew that, but you were willing to give Kylo a second chance.

Some people were worth fighting for.

[blondeblackwidow]

Could you write a fic about the Resistance meeting a Kenobi!reader who used to be Snokes old apprentice, and over time Poe begins to fall for her? I love your writing and if you do choose to write this request, the fluffier the better❤️

M e t a n o i a ( Poe Dameron x Reader )

prompt:  Could you write a fic about the Resistance meeting a Kenobi!reader who used to be Snokes old apprentice, and over time Poe begins to fall for her? I love your writing and if you do choose to write this request, the fluffier the better❤️ +  I’m the anon that sent the Kenobi!reader ask in, I forgot to say that the reader wasn’t Snokes apprentice willingly and she was taken as a child.

a/n; holy fuck i feel like i just poured my soul into this. this was something i played with a while on my own and i can’t get over how proud of it i am. thank you for this request, anon! i would zone out for hours just writing, and that hasn’t happen since like eighth grade. title is a greek word for a journey of self discovery.

song: the archer - taylor swift

t/w: slight mentions of child abduction and manipulation, very minor though.

w/c: 3150 ( omg )

-

D’Qar was loud, and the air was thick as it hit your skin. The sun hidden behind clouds, it was still considerably warmer than the Supremacy. You stepped off the transport, black boots hitting the pavement, the rest of you covered by the oversized brown robe. 

You’d never seen Leia Organa before. But you knew her son, and the minute you saw her eyes, you knew who she was.

You lowered your hood. “General.” You breathed with a smile. She greeted you with a handshake, and the most comforting of smiles. She radiated a motherly energy you had never known, not in this life at least. 

“Welcome, I’m so happy you got here safely, and you took me up on my offer.” 

“It seems our families can never live without each other.” You responded, and Leia gestured you further into the base. 

“Let’s talk in my office, and I’ll see about getting you something with some color.” She guided you amongst crowds. Her office was small by most standards, but felt comfortable and homely. She took a seat and you followed suit.

The air was tense, full of unanswered questions. 

“He’s alright, doing well, all things considered.” You offered, and her shoulders seemed to relax.

“You didn’t have to..” She started, and you waved your hand.

“It’s nothing, I know you must hold your breath everyday when it comes to him.” You spoke softly, as if people were listening. “He talked about you a few times, it was always brief, but he did.” 

“Thank you.” Leia reached out and squeezed your hand. The door opened behind you two and you saw a man, standing in the doorway, holding a wad of clothing.

“Ma’am Pava sent me in here with these.” He held up what looked like a shirt and pants. “She said you asked if she had spare uniforms?” 

“Well yes because she’s always in her pajamas or her flight suit.” Leia reached her hand out and he gave them to her, sparing you a cautionary glance. “All of black squadron seems to operate that way.” 

He opened his mouth to object, but she kept talking. “This is Poe Dameron, one of my top commanders and pilots.”

“THE top pilot, ma’am.” He turned to fully look at you, and you introduced yourself.

“She and I have family history.” Leia answered before Poe could ask. He didn’t take his eyes off you though.

“Have I met you before?” You swallowed thickly, clamming up to find a lie. You remembered him as soon as he started talking. 

“The Resistance will not be intimidated by you.” He struggled out to breathe.

“We’ll see.” Kylo said from in front of you, not yet aware that you had entered the room. The man you now know as Poe starts to scream.

“Ren, you’re needed by the supreme leader.” Most of your face covered by a hood, you avoid the curious gaze from the chair in front of you both.

“It’s in a droid, a BB unit.” He barked on his way out. You take one glance at the man before you leave, hesitating.

“No, I don’t believe we have.” You forced a smile. “It’s been a pleasure though.” You turned your gaze back to Leia, who cleared her throat.

“You’re excused, Commander.” He took a breath to object, but it died on his tongue. He offered a small smile and excused himself.

“I was there, when Ren…” You trailed off, staring at the now closed door. “How am I supposed to….”

“He may look tough, but he’s got his mother’s heart.” She sighed, standing and collecting a few more things. “He’ll understand, probably more than most.”

“I hope so.” Leia smiled and gestured toward the door. 

The quarters she gave you were smaller than yours on the Supremacy, but far less daunting. Glossy black walls had been replaced with cracked stone, this whole base a work in progress.The uniforms were more relaxed, and people smiled as you walked past, though you couldn’t shake the feeling that they saw right through you. Cracked foundations were held together by hope, maybe here, you thought, you could start to heal what Snoke shattered. 

You were going to go out and explore. You grabbed an old brown satchel, and went to place your saber inside. It was silver with a gold band around the emitter, black striping down the sides bleeding into the solid black band around the hilt, gold circles breaking up the darkness. Kylo thought little of it, said it looked too much like a Kenobi’s lightsaber. For once in your life though, you were happy you had something to remind you of the light that coursed through your veins. It would need a new crystal, the old one corrupted by the dark side, but that was a question for Leia at a later time.

The walk to the airfield was peaceful, on the ship, all you had was recycled air. But there was something about the breeze and the smell of wildflowers and trees. And if you were honest, the smell of the engines burning fuel was better than the nothingness that you had become accustomed to. 

Your eyes quickly set sight on the obnoxious X Wing that sat front and center. Black with an orange stripe, while it was Hux’s responsibility to know the specs of the Resistance, you knew that it was the ship that always meant trouble. You walked up to it and ran a hand down the side. The side panels were rough against your hand, but you liked it here, the perfection of the First Order became suffocating after a while.

“Can I help you?” A voice behind you asked. You turned to see the man from earlier, Poe, you think his name was. 

“Oh no, I’ve just never seen an X Wing in person before.” You laughed. “They’re just so legendary in my mind.”

“You a pilot?” He asked, walking closer. His black hair was messy, and there was grease on his orange flight suit.

You shook your head. “Oh no, my grandpa flew A Wings during the Clone Wars but other than that we’re a pretty ground bound family.” 

“Was your grandpa a clone?” Poe asked, and you furrowed your brows. 

“No?”

“Well because droids were used by the separatists and clones by the republic.” He laughed. “So unless your grandfather was a clone, that doesn’t work.” 

“There were civilians in the Republic.” You rolled your eyes. 

“I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders, you knew he didn’t buy it. But you were okay with it, it was something to talk about at another time. A reason to talk to him again.

“You have pilots in your family?” You asked, leaning against the warm metal of the body of the ship.

“Uh yeah, my mom.” He cleared his throat. “She flew A Wings.” He raised his finger to note the similarity. “But for the Rebels against the Empire.” 

“Sounds like a kickass woman.” You smiled. He shifted his weight and looked at his boots.

“Yeah, she was.” He smiled. You could sense the discomfort, and the loss. 

“So how long have you been with the Resistance?” 

“I’ve never met such a bold new recruit you know.” He laughed.

“Blame it on the family connection.” You laughed in return.

“What is the mysterious connection?” He asked, taking a step closer.

“Can’t give up all my secrets on the first day here.” You smirked. But how were you supposed to explain it all? Your father was a hidden bastard child from the days of Mandalore, your mother died before you could walk, you’re competition in training was the General’s son who was named after your grandfather who the General called to before Alderaan’s Doom – and that was just the surface level of it all.

“I’ll have to come bug you another time then.” You tried to hide the rising heat in your cheeks. 

“It’s a small base, you can come find me.” You smiled and pushed off the ship. “I’ll see you around.” 

“See you around, newbie.” You rolled your eyes, and kept walking.

You and Poe spent days on and off together, chatting, laughing, unknowingly being watched by Leia with a motherly smile. He radiated an energy unlike you had ever known, it was warm, and bright, and full of love. It was the light, the light that you were ordered to swear off for the rest of your days since you were a child. 

Leia felt like the mother you had never known. The both of you aching for something taken so long ago. You spent a lot of time with her, causing a lot of questions. 

Poe jumped to your defense everytime. Causing even more questions.

“Do you know where I can get a Kyber Crystal?” You piped up, reading in Leia’s private office while she worked.

“Why?” She just glanced up. You sighed.

“Mine won’t heal itself, no amount of meditation will ever make it change, not even to white. My blade still glows red.” You closed your book and turned to face her. A devilish grin grew on her face. “What?” 

“After Luke lost the temple, he gave his remaining crystals to someone he trusted for safekeeping against the rising order.” The grin grew more. 

“Where are they?”

“Yavin IV.” She smiled.

“Okay I’ll go to Yavin–”

“At Kes Dameron’s home.” Your jaw hit the floor. You felt like you had known Poe all your life, and maybe in another life you would have, but you really only knew him for a month or so. 

So now you had to ask to meet his dad, when you hadn’t even admitted to yourself you liked him. 

“I’m gonna have to ask him to go with me.” You breathed out, slightly nervous all of a sudden. 

“Relax, Poe needs to go home anyways, it’ll get Kes off my back.” You snorted. 

“And how do I approach that?” You started. Unaware of the door opening behind you. “Poe I need you to take me to your childhood home so I can get a crystal from your father because I secretly have a lightsaber and come from the lineage of a Jedi Master in the Old Republic, who trained both Vader and Luke?” You inhaled, unaware of how fast you were just talking. “I’m sure that’s a very easy question to ask.” 

“The answers’ yes, I just have a few questions first.” 

You thought you were gonna die right then and there.

The flight to Yavin wasn’t very long, but felt like years. The transport was small, Leia was unwilling to give up her large ships for the two of you. 

“So how long have you been a Jedi?” He asked, shifting the controls and turning to face you.

“I’m not a jedi.” You mumbled.

“Well you have a lightsaber. That’s a very jedi thing to have.” Of course in your oblivious confession, you didn’t include how you acquired the weapon.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You got up from the copilots seat now that you were in Hyperspace, wanting to be anywhere but under his gaze. He grabbed your forearm to stop you, and your skin burned at the touch.

“I have met you before.” He whispered. “You were on that ship.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Your voice was broken full of shame. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“Why were you there?” His eyes were locked on yours.

“I was a child, my father was on the run after Mandalore’s downfall. They caught us after a few years.” You sighed. “My father was killed, but Snoke knew of my lineage, said that because my grandfather created Vader, I had a capacity for greatness.” You shifted your weight and sat back into the chair. “I didn’t know the difference, I was so young, with this weird energy flowing through me that I couldn’t control.” 

“It’s okay.” He relaxed his hand and brought it back to his lap, you tried to hide your disappointment at the lack of touch. “You’re safe now.”

“Thank you.” You whispered, and you both sat in safe, comfortable silence before the ship made its entrance to the Yavin system.

Yavin IV, you’d come to realize, was a lot like D’Qar, luscious green trees and warm summer breeze. The Dameron home was a black and white contrast to anything you had known. Poe, on the other hand, doesn’t welcome the energy, instead tenses, as if he is in fear of what lies ahead.

“I’ll do the talking, if you want?” You offer, and Poe shakes his head.

“It’s alright.” He sighs. “How do you tell someone that the ideals they spent their life fighting are growing stronger everyday?”

“You tell them that there’s hope.” You smile softly. “Hope is the only thing you have that they don’t.” The weight of your blood red lightsaber seams to double, and none of this seems doable.

He starts to walk toward the house and you are left with no choice but to follow. He opens the door to find an older man with the same tone of skin, and same curly hair, faded now to a silver, working on something at the table. 

“Hey dad.” You want to hide behind Poe’s shadow.

How do you tell someone that the ideals they spent their life fighting are standing in front of them in their dining room?

“Poe!” He exclaimed with a smile, and gave his son a large hug. “Leia warned me you were coming. Who’s this?” He asked, returning to the neutral position.

“Oh this is Captain…” He trailed, remembering he’d never learned your last name.

“Kenobi.” You smiled, your chest swelling with pride at the surname you discarded so long ago. Recognition and surprise flashed among both men’s faces.

“I would assume you’re here for the crystals.” He winked.

“How did you…”

“A feeling, I guess.” He shrugged and began to search through a container, and Poe just mouthed your surname back to you with shock and wonder. You waved your hand to dismiss him. “Poe can you run this down to the lady down the road, the one who always gave you sweets after Shara said no?” He gestured to the project he was working on, and Poe opened his mouth to protest. 

But just like with Leia, it died long before he could manage words. He scooped it up and gave you an apologetic glance before leaving.

“Can I see it?” was the first thing Kes asked after his son’s departure.

“Y-Yeah.” You stumbled and pulled out the saber from your bag, handing it to him. He placed a small brown bag on the table with a quiet clink, and began to smile. 

“It resembles Luke’s second saber..” He looked at you. “Made with pieces of Ben Kenobis.” You couldn’t help but return the smile.

“It’s the same style, according to old texts.” You said. “Not exactly the same I’m afraid.” 

“What’s the need for a new crystal?” He handed it back.

“I..” You hesitated. Poe forgives so easily, but Leia said that was his mother, not Kes. “I was taken in by Snoke when I was young, trained..” You swallowed, staring at the saber in your hands. “I want to make things right, I can’t do that with red blades, the crystal is too broken to heal, I need to start anew.” Kes’ shoulders relaxed and he leaned against the table.

“I am sorry.” 

“For?”

“Had we done it right the first time, there never would have been a Snoke to corrupt your gift.” He smiled sadly, you reached for his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

“Had you done it the first time, I would have never met him.” You smiled. “And there will always be those who want destruction, but as long as there is more hope, then we’ll always have peace.” Tears welled up in your eyes, you were talking more to yourself, but he pulled you into a hug, and you cried, for the first time in years.

“I know a place where you can install that.” He said, releasing the hug, and you followed him to a large tree in the field. It hummed with energy. Not evil or good, not light or dark, just balanced force.

You sat on your knees in front, placing a crystal next to your saber, Kes walking away to give you a moment. You closed your eyes and pictured it all, the darkness, the mistakes, being swept away by light, and forgiveness. You opened them to reveal your reassembled saber, and the cracked crystal next to it. You decided to bury it with the tree, putting to rest your conflict, your guilt, and anger.

And Igniting your forgiveness, certainty, and compassion in a deep blue light. 

“A True Kenobi.” Kes said from afar, Poe just watching in awe as the sun set behind the mountains. You disabled the saber and wore it proudly on your belt.

“Thank you.” Was all you could manage, walking back toward the older of the two rebels.

“Don’t even worry about it.” He squeezed your shoulder, and walked back toward the house. 

“Bonfire?” Poe asked, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yes.”

The night fell rather quickly after the sun set, and the summer breeze gave a chill while you and Poe sat on a log and exchanged dumb jokes and he filled you in on all the need to know information. A silence fell over you soon enough and he just stared at you over his shoulder.

“Kenobi, huh?” He laughed. “My grandpa flew A-Wings.” He mocked

“You’re an ass.” You rolled your eyes.”He did!” You defended. 

“He was a kriffing Jedi that is the least interesting thing you could have said!” 

“Sorry my life story isn’t entertaining.” You punched his arm and he acted fake hurt.

“Oh it definitely is.” He poked. “They’ll write myths about you.”

“Hopefully about the good to come, not the bad that’s passed.” You half smiled. 

“I hope it’s all of it, more inspiring that way.” He locked eyes with yours.

“Me being a trained sith apprentice doesn’t scare you?” He shook his head. 

“No. Sith, Jedi, call it what you want but I just see a beautiful woman who is strong enough to know right from wrong.” He tucked a hair behind your ear. “And that means more than making things float.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips and your heart forgot how to keep a rhythm. 

You were sure Obi Wan was up there cursing about the Old Jedi Code and falling in love, or whatever. The best part was, you didn’t love Poe.

but you know you could, given time. 

And for once in your life you weren’t scared.

[lovinnren]

spend the night. / kylo ren.

words: 2.3k

"don't you know

i'm no good for you."

inspired by when the party's over - billie eilish.

SUMMARY: you were a part of the resistance but you were secretly seeing kylo.

you and kylo had a relationship for months now. it all happened when he had captured you, seeking out information on the resistance. he was taken back when you didn't cower at his presence. you'll admit, he was a bit frightening, but the power he held was attractive.

"i need someone to go on a mission to the first order again." general leia spoke between a group of people. her eyes shot directly at you, knowing everyone was frightened at the idea of even getting close to kylo.

"i could do it." you offered yourself up, knowing damn well you just wanted to see kylo.

"sounds good, y/n it is." leia nodded in your direction,

"you know what do to dear." she smiled at you.

you gathered your things and climbed into an x-wing. you started up the engine and took off. you knew kylo could sense you coming. you felt awful being apart of the resistance but being in a secret relationship with the leader of the first order, but you loved the rush from the risk involved. you were aware if anyone were to find out you'd probably be killed, but you would hope kylo would have your back in a situation like that. you snuck into the star destroyer. you grabbed your blaster and hooked it to your belt, you waited for the storm troopers to turn their backs and instantly you climbed out of your ship, being cautious about the amount of noise you were making. you found yourself traveling down a long hallway, then being caught by a few stormtroopers.

"shit." you mumbled to yourself and pulled out your blaster. you let out a deep sigh,

"sorry boys, if you don't put your blasters down, you leave me no choice but to kill you." you chuckled as they raised their guns at you, you pulled the trigger of your blaster at each of them quickly, one of them hit your arm,

"ah fuck!" you yelped quietly, jumping over the dead stormtroopers and running down the hallway.

"motherfuckers got me." you spoke to yourself, looking down at your bleeding arm.

you felt your body collide with a much larger, stocky body.

"shit." you mumbled to yourself as your body hit the ground.

your eyes wandered up to find kylo ren standing above you. his hand reached out for you to grab,

"hello love." his distorted voice filled your ears.

you grabbed his hand and lifted yourself up. he dragged you down the hall to his quarters. your arm continued to bleed, leaving you in pain. kylo quickly opened the door to his quarters and shoved you inside, following behind. you walked into the bathroom area to rinse off all of the blood you collected on your bare arm. you winced when you ran your arm under cold water. kylo took his helmet off, placing it down. he appeared behind you in the bathroom. the sight of you rinsing off blood worried him.

"please tell me that's not your blood." kylo asked worried.

"one of your storm troopers got me, but i'll be okay." you turned to him and gave him a faint smile.

his eyes filled with worry. he rummaged around his bathroom looking for bandages for you. your cut was rinsed, all you had to do was bandage it up. kylo held up the bandages he found after ripping part of the bathroom apart. you chuckled and took the bandages and wrapped your arm up.

"what brings you here today, angel." kylo looked down at you.

"oh you know, the usual." you chuckled.

kylo placed his hand on your cheek and leaned in to kiss you.

"oh how i missed you." kylo leaned his forehead against yours.

due to you and kylo having to sneak around, you both rarely ever got to see each other, but it worked.

"one day, we'll be together angel." he spoke softly.

he grasped your hand and lead you to the bed. he let go of your hand and jumped onto his bed, laughing softly. you looked him dead in the eye,

"don't make me do it ren." you chuckled.

he looked at you with a serious look. you jumped on top of him and started laughing uncontrollably.

"you are so not intimidating!" he laughed holding you locked in his arms.

"i totally am." you furrowed your eyebrows and looked at him.

he pinned you down onto the bed suddenly, he was hovering over you.

"you're so small, how could you ever be intimidating." he leaned in and looked into your eyes.

your breath hitched at the sight of kylo over you. your eyes locked with his. you worked your magic and somehow, he ended up underneath you and you were now on top of him.

"what was that ren?" you looked at him and laughed.

"i never said you weren't good at what you do, i just said you weren't intimidating." he spoke honestly.

you placed a kiss on his lips, you removed your hands from holding him down. seconds after you let go of his hands you felt his arms wrap around you, pulling you close to him.

"you would look great serving me here at the first order." kylo spoke sweetly to you.

"you know i wish i could." you let out a small sigh.

"you can." he said sternly.

"i cant just leave the resistance." you trailed off, thinking of ways you might be able to pull this off,

"besides, i kind of like the risk that comes with dating such an asshole." you kissed his cheek.

"i just hate seeing you go." he held you tight.

you said nothing back, leaving a comfortable silence. you loved seeing this side of kylo, sure him being in charge and a slight asshole was hot but you also loved the softer side he showed when you two were alone. you hummed, breaking the short silence you two had. kylo began playing with your hair.

"stay the night tonight." he trailed off, hoping you would say yes.

"kylo you know i can't." you shot up.

"just once." he looked at you.

you made the exception for tonight just because you didn't want to leave, leia knew it was hard on these missions, when you were gone for multiple days is when she would really be concerned, but this was just one night.

"fine." you gave in.

"i always win." kylo purposely deepened his voice, breaking it with a laugh.

mid-laugh there was a knock on his door. you got up quickly and hid in the bathroom. kylo shot up and put his helmet back on. he opened the door to his quarters, standing there was hux.

"master, we just secured a position in the outer rim." hux spoke, trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

"that's exactly what i wanted to hear." kylos voice was distorted once again. hux and him trailed out of the quarters, leaving you alone.

your body dropped to the bathroom floor. for some reason, kylo leaving hurt. you knew he couldn't say anything or it would seem suspicious, but it hurt. you knew this relationship was not good, but you loved it. you loved the relationship, and kylo grew on you. your feelings for him only grew as you two spent more time together and apart. you didnt know you could love someone so much. you took a deep breath in, you knew he would come back, he would never just leave you. hours passed of you being alone in kylos quarters, eventually you had moved over to his bed. you were lying there analyzing your blaster. you looked at how beat up it had gotten after years of having it. you smiled as you ran your fingers over it. you were bored out of your mind lying around in kylos quarters, but he'd be back for you. another knock filled the almost empty room. you knew this couldn't be kylo, he would just come right in.

"kylo, we have some news." a woman's voice sounded at the door, it was phasma.

you just continued to stay in the bed, hoping kylo would come back soon. the footsteps of phasma disappeared as she got further away from the door, realizing kylo was not there. you felt time go by slowly while you were alone, your eyes began getting heavy. you let out a faint yawn. you curled up in bed and shut your eyes. you shifted yourself so you would be comfortable enough to fall asleep. soon after you had gotten comfortable, your thoughts completely stopped as you fell asleep.

you let out faint snores after a few little breaths between the snores. kylo appeared in the room finally, after being gone so long, yet you were still asleep. he removed his helmet and placed it down quietly. he walked over to the bed to realize that you were sleeping. he stared at you in complete awe, you looked comfortable and he couldn't wait to hold you and fall asleep next to you. kylo removed his clothing and threw on a pair of comfortable, black pants. he climbed into bed next to you, covering you with a blanket before he pulled you close into his arms. you let out a soft groan, but continued to sleep.

"i'm here angel." kylo spoke softly, hoping that if you heard his voice, it would help you loosen up and sleep better.

kylo drifted off to sleep whilst holding you close, keeping the both of you warm.

you woke up in kylo's arms. there was nothing to indicate what time it might be. you analyzed your boyfriends face. you admired it, the scar on his face made you feel a little hurt. you ran your fingers over it, still admiring every part of his face because that's what made him, him. your hands found their way to his hair as your fingers tangled in his dark, long hair. you loved nothing more than playing with his hair as he slept peacefully with you. kylo let out a small groan, indicating he had woken up slightly.

"good morning, angel." kylos raspy voice filled your ears and sent shivers down your body.

“good morning handsome.” you said back softly.

you untangled yourself with kylo and sat at the edge of the bed.

“i have to go.” you spoke.

“not yet.” kylo groaned and opened his eyes, looking at you sitting at the end of the bed. he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back.

“just a little longer.” his large arms remained around your body as your eyes met his dark ones.

“fine.” you smiled at the sleepy kylo who was engulfing you.

“you were asleep when i got back.” his raspy voice filled your ears.

“i know, fighting off your stormtroopers is some heavy duty work.” you let out a soft chuckle.

“i know, phasma informed me last night that a few of them had went down on the ship.” kylo let out a small laugh,

“she also wanted to let me know that we were deploying some along the outer rim.” he looked down at you as if you cared.

not that you cared or didn’t care, it just wasn’t your main focus and you would hear about it either way.

“you worried me when you left.” you blurted out.

“why?” kylo shot up and stared at you with a worried look once more.

“i know you couldn’t say anything to me, but it felt as if you were leaving.” you said over dramatically.

“i would never, although our relationship will never be seen as good.” kylo had an offensive tone,

“i really am no good for you.” he chuckled and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“but, i absolutely adore you.” you smiled up at him and kissed his lips,

“i really must go before someone notices i’ve been gone all night kylo.” you spoke and he tightened his grip on you.

“fine.” he finally budged and released his grasp on you.

you stood up and and grabbed your blaster heading for the door. kylo followed behind and spun you around and kissed you once more.

“soon, angel.” he looked at you and smiled,

“maybe i’ll come capture you for a few days.” he chuckled.

“not a bad idea ren.” you laughed as he opened the door and pushed you out. you made your way down the hall quickly. you dashed to your x-wing, hoping it was still there. you made your way to the entrance where all of the aircrafts were. you took a few glances around, hoping you would spot yours soon. eventually you found yours and made your way to it quickly before anyone could notice you were there. you hopped in and made your way off of the star destroyer and back to the resistance base.

“i feel like a damn teenager sneaking out of my window.” you said to yourself, laughing right after.

you made your way to the resistance base where leia waited to greet you. you landed and climbed out of your aircraft.

“you worried me sick.” leia walked up to you.

“sorry, bit of a harsh mission this time.” you let out a breathy laugh, leia’s eyes looked over you. she noticed the bandages that patched up your wound.

“they got you again?” she spoke.

“yes. i made sure i brought the proper things with me to clean it up and bandage though!” you tried to lighten her mood up.

“soon i’m gonna have to start sending someone else, it’s getting a bit risky for you.” leia spoke, walking back to the crowd of resistance followers.

“i’ll be okay.” you smiled,

“trust me.” you assured her.

a/n; i think i’m definitely going to end up making a second part to this one, i’m not sure yet. i hope you all are enjoying so far. i’m posting this oneshot here before i post it on my wattpad [softdreaminq] im going to upload it there tomorrow. feel free to message me any requests, i’m slowly running out of ideas.

[avengersassemble-fics]

What is it About You?

part 03/10 “a blast”

masterlist

previous part

word count 3.2k

an: sorry for the delay y’all but I kinda just wanted to enjoy my week off for spring break (even if that’s pushed back until march 29. but lets not talk about that)

Your feet carried you back to your quarters faster than you had wanted. You nodded to a couple people you had passed and didn’t hesitate as you practically threw yourself through your door and it shut behind you. One hand balled into a fist and repeatedly pressed into your other palm, as you processed what had exactly just happened. You took a few steps into the center of your room and began to pace.

Okay, this would be no problem. Yes you may have never seen any kind of action before but this was going to be fine. They had briefed you a bit on what to expect, and you knew from the name that Jakku was a pretty desert and barren planet. They weren’t expecting much Resistance activity, but the squad was going to be well prepared. You had zoned out when you felt a presence in your mind.

For someone so stoic, your mind is racing, his voice said. You fought the urge to shoot daggers at the Commander on the other side of the table.

Get out of my head, you thought - hoping he would just leave you alone.

As I’ve said, you’re too loud to ignore, he replied. You glanced for a moment at the masked man and right back to General Hux.

Go read someone else’s mind, then, you told him and shifted in your seat.

It doesn’t work like that.

You stopped in your tracks. You had forgotten to go and check the progress on the Command Shuttle. You grumbled to yourself and straightened your posture before heading to the door, you would be quick, and come back and lay in your bed and grovel over your life decisions. The door opened for you and you stepped back into the overly familiar hallway. Your feet knew where to take you.

You hadn’t taken the time to really think about what exactly Commander Ren’s words meant, all of them over the course of the last day. Had it really only been a day? And he was already bugging you this much? Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. And with the news you were going along on the Jakku mission you had to deal with him even more.

You slammed into someone else’s body, knocking sideways and also back to reality. You were about to apologize when you saw who it was.

“Commander,” you greeted. He ignored you and kept walking. You stared at the back of his helmet and turned back to where you were headed. Whatever. You took a deep breath and continued on your way, making sure this time you were focused on where you were going.

The door to the bay opened for you and you were met with cold air. You shivered, but made your way over to the Command Shuttle, so far from the distance it looked good as far as the minimal repairs on the outside. You passed by a crew and nodded at them, they were the only ones in the bay besides you but with them leaving you found yourself completely alone. It was dinner time for most of the base, and the silence that filled the air was comforting to you. You did your usual routine, walking around the shuttle and looking for any imperfections (there weren't any).

The ramp was kept open and you walked onboard, not much light came in from the bay but it was enough for you to see that the wall of the shuttle was no longer in complete disarray. You instinctively ran your fingers over the metal, and a content sigh left your lips.

“Is it true?”

You jumped slightly, a hand going over your chest, as you spun around. Kylo Ren was at the bottom of the ramp, looking up at you. You closed your eyes for a moment before shaking your head.

“What?” you asked. He took slow steps up the ramp and his hand motioned around him.

“Did you help design this?” he asked, more straight forward.

You looked around, a smile gracing your lips for only a moment, “Unknowingly, yes. My final year in training a few men from this base came to the Academy and had the top performing engineers in the program design a shuttle based off a loose blueprint,” you paused to look at him, and saw he was still looking at you so you continued, “they took interest in mine and helped fine tune it. And I guess they ended up producing it.”

“They took credit,” he said and earned a nod from you, “that’s..unfortunate.”

He was careful with his wording and you raised a brow at him slightly. He moved past you to the pilot chair, his hand touching the top. You watched with curiosity, and finally broke the silence.

“What did you mean earlier? When you said that.. It doesn’t work like that?”

He turned his head slightly to look at you over his shoulder. You didn’t break the eye contact, so he turned to face you fully. You swallowed the lump in your throat. You seemed to have forgotten from the early hours to now how much bigger he was then you.

“I can’t just read people’s minds, not unless I put effort into it,” he explained, “but.. With you, you’re always there. Like an annoying bug.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “If it’s so annoying then why are you here, or just keep showing up? Now that’s annoying.”

You probably shouldn’t have said that. You noticed how his fist tightened, and his head seemed to twitch. A feeling formed inside of your gut, twisting your insides and you grimaced at the discomfort. It was him. He took a step forward, his hand opening and pressure formed inside your mind.

“Need I remind you,” he nearly growled, “if you continue to irritate me, you can easily be disposed of. With no regret.”

You winced as he neared, his hold on you tightening with each inch he got closer. You nodded and he released the pressure. You hand rubbed the side of your head and he walked past you, disappearing off the ramp.

It was going to be a long week.

----------

The Finalizer is huge, probably the biggest command ship you would ever step foot on. You had the “pleasure” of leaving with the likes of the Commander and Captain Phasma to the astronomically large ship in space. Of course by pleasure you meant you wanted to tear your hair out by how silent the pair was. There were a couple of storm troopers there, probably for your sake but who knew, and a third piloting the shuttle. Of all your years working on it, you had never been able to actually ride in it.

It wasn’t too long of a ride (thank god) but it was enough for you to eagerly await the sweet release of stepping foot onto the Finalizer. By protocol, the troopers exited first, followed by the pilot and then by you, all to wait for the Commander and Captain to come offboard. You stood shoulder to shoulder of one another, and your eyes looked to the four shuttles that were already there, lines of Stormtroopers awaiting Captain Phasma. Your eyes looked straight in front of you as the two walked off the ramp, and past the line you all had formed. When they were a distance away, that meant the crew was dismissed. The pilot, still with their helmet on, turned to you.

“Have you been on board before?” his voice asked you, covered by the typical vocoder.

“Nope, first time,” you replied, and you took a couple steps forward to the bay doors, noticing him lingering by your side.

“I can show you around, if you like,” he offered and you waved your hands.

“No no that’s perfectly fine,” you reassured him, “I think I can find my way around.”

And he nodded, and veered off from your direction. You let out a sigh, and your eyes glanced towards the squadron of troopers, where Kylo Ren was. If he could tell you were looking his way he ignored you.

It didn’t matter to you, you just needed to find the informations level and try and see if you can get any information on what exactly you’re expected to decode. The halls of the Finalizer were more narrow and darker, and the bay doors closed behind you. People walked around you as you tried to gauge your surroundings. You felt yourself get pulled into the direction of travel and just let it take you. There was a low beeping noise than rang through the ship, indicating the Finalizer was about to jump to hyperspace.

You pulled yourself from the traffic and stopped by a set of elevators, and pressed the call button. You found yourself tapping your foot, and thoughts you could feel the command ship going into hyperspace. The elevator doors opened and you stepped in, joined by a couple other people. The doors shut and multiple buttons were pressed, and you eyed one of the officers who had come in. They looked like an intelligence officer, maybe you should just follow them.

And you did. When the floor opened up, they exited and you did as well, to a room full of intelligence consoles, and people on them and listening intently. The person who exited the elevator seemed to sense your presence.

“Do you need assistance with something?”

You noticed his eyes glide over you, and you took a sharp breath, “I need a scramble key and data pad.”

“And why is that?” He pressed. You furrowed your brows at him.

“I don’t think Commander Ren would appreciate the unnecessary questions about his mission,” you saw him straighten, “the scramble key and data pad. Now, please.”

He motioned for someone, and another man scurried over, holding what you needed. You took it from him and looked back to the man who had first spoken with you, “Thank you.”

You turned back to the elevator and pressed the call button, seconds passed and it opened up for you and you stepped inside. It closed and you rolled your eyes to yourself. It was irritating not being taken seriously, and having to use Commander Ren’s name to get what you needed. But, something you did remember your mother telling you was you can’t help those who don’t see you as their equal, and just to keep being you.

How naive she had been, but it was kind.

Another beep filled the air, indicating the ship exiting hyperspace. The elevator doors opened for you and you found yourself back to the floor you originally were on. You instinctively made your way back to the bay you had landed in, and was rushed past by the troopers you had originally exited with. Too caught up in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice Captain Phasma approach you.

“Officer,” she greeted, halting you in your tracks, you laid the data pad against your legs, “I hope you retrieved everything you need for the mission.

“Yes, ma’am, I did,” you said, but decided to press further, “but it would be of help to know what exactly you’re expecting to be decoded—“

“You don’t need to worry yourself with such details,” she warned you. Before you could reply, she was walking to the shuttles that were being loaded with her chosen squad. You looked over the mass of white armour, wondering if that trooper you had met earlier was there, but with the helmets there was no telling. You continued your walk to the command shuttle, the roar of engines coming to life from the transports.

You stood alongside the pilot and troopers on this shuttle, awaiting Commander Ren to join you. You pressed your feet together, rubbing the pad in your hand.

“I heard that the Resistance’s best pilot is down there,” one commented.

“Hear that, Jameson? Their best pilot, you can see what a real man flies like,” another joked.

“The Resistance is filled with amateur people, I’m sure he isn’t so special,” the pilot next to you scoffed. You fought the urge to roll your eyes. If this was how men compared themselves to others then maybe it was best you stayed on base for all of eternity.

“I can’t believe the General of the Resistance is nothing more than a mere princess, what kind of tactic is that?”

You heard the struggle of breath, and everyone turned their heads to the Stormtrooper who was scratching at their throat. Your head turned to the source behind the line, none other than the Commander himself. A part of you was relieved it wasn’t you on the receiving end, but the other part was filled with confusion.

“We do not speak of the Resistance here,” Kylo Ren spoke, “let’s not forget who was nearly shot down by one of the Resistance pilots just days ago,” he released his hand and the trooper gasped, “you should spend more time training and less talking. You’re dismissed.”

The trooper removed his helmet, sending daring glares at the Commander, who walked on board his shuttle. You ignored those looks and followed behind with the two remaining troopers. Mumbling something you couldn’t hear and storming away, the trooper vanished from the bottom of the ramp. It began to close and you busied yourself strapping yourself into a chair across from the Commander. You laid the devices you carried in your lap as the engines were switched on, and the pilot made a comment.

“They’ve engaged hostile, sir,” he warned Commander Ren.

Suddenly, a wave of nervousness washed over your body. You had never seen any kind of combat since arriving at Starkiller Base, and as the shuttle lifted into the air and into space outside the air locks, you took a deep breath. Your eyes flickered to the helmet of the Commander, who you felt was staring at you.

He was.

If he would stop staring at you, maybe you could relax.

Me staring at you seems to be the least of your concerns, his voice echoed in your mind. You shut your eyes for a moment, and sighed quietly.

Why are you like this? How many times do I have to say not to read my mind or whatever this is?

Calm down, he said. His voice didn’t sound like it was behind the vocoder, but like when he took his helmet off the other day to spar with you, Captain Phasma will have them subdued by the time we land.

“Two minutes out, Commander,” the pilot said, as you felt the pull of the atmosphere (in a way, not like you could actually feel it passing through yourself).

You watched him stand, easily adjusting to the movement of the shuttle as it began to land. Two minutes passed in almost an instant. You had only unbuckled yourself when the shuttle was fully landed and the ramp opened. You watched as he walked off the ramp and into the darkness of Jakku.

He did have style, you could admit that much. You guess.

You quieted your nerves, no sound of blaster fire as you stepped behind the Commander and the two troopers. The sight before you was favorable for the First Order, the large mass of stormtroopers towered over the few resistance there was, Commander Ren focused on one older man.

“Look how old you’ve become,” he said, his vocoder evening his tone of voice.

“Something far worse has happened to you,” the older man said back.

You felt the irritability in your mind, seeing him tighten his fist, “You know what I’ve come for.”

“I know where you come from. Before you called yourself Kylo Ren.”

Anger filled your mind now. It almost felt too much and you winced, watching the scene unfold before you, Kylo motioned for his men, and the two Stormtroopers you travelled with moved forward, gripping the old man, and reaching throughout his pockets.

“The map to Skywalker. We know you’ve found it, and now you’re going to give it to the First Order,” he spoke, placing his hands behind his back. Suddenly, one of the troopers pulled something from the mans jacket, walking over to the Commander, who took it in his fingers. He looked it over in his hand, and then turned to you, walking over and placing it in yours.

Coordinates.

You nodded to yourself as you turned the artifact in your fingers. It felt like metal, looked like metal, but you didn’t know what kind. Commander Ren turned back to the old man as you attached the slicer to the device, and to the data pad. As quick as you could, you worked through the data in front of you, basic codes, and star systems flowing through your mind.

You stopped over one piece of information. Your fingers graced the screen, and looked back to the Commander. He knew you looked at him, but ignored your look.

“It’s a fake.”

That got his attention though, almost looking back at you with anger, “What?”

“It’s a fake, sir,” you repeated. Your eyes going back to the old man, who you noticed looked to almost have a smirk on his face. Commander Ren turned back to him.

“I’m not interested in your games, old man,” he warned.

“The First Order rose from the dark side.. You did not.”

Commander Ren shook his head, and you could see him reach for his lightsaber, “I’ll show you the dark side.”

The old man shook his head, and you shifted your weight between your feet. It didn’t have to go on like this, but just as quickly as the thought entered your mind, a thing of pain did as well.

“You may try, but you cannot deny the truth that is your family.”

Commander Ren’s saber ignited, shooting in a cross guard creating a disturbance in the flow, but he meticulously brought it above his head, “You’re so right.”

He rips it across the old man's body, and you close your eyes at the impact. A voice yells from farther away, and your head snaps in the direction. A man, dressed like a pilot, stood from the distance, blaster trained on your direction, and two shots were fired. Commander Ren outreaches his hand, stopping one of the blaster fires from hitting his back. But the other wasn’t so lucky.

The blast was enough to send you back into the sand, knocking the wind from your body. It was a fine tuned shot on your stomach, which with a glance and by the touch of your fingers, you could tell it was bloody. You panicked as a couple Stormtroopers came to your side, one with a trickle of blood down their helmet, and the other placing a hand over your bloody torso. Stop the bleeding, wrap it up, you didn’t know.

You stared up at the starry night sky, your breathing frantic as a couple of voices tried to get your attention. You couldn’t focus though on their words, letting one take your head into their hands.

Oh. The one you had met a few days ago. Finn you would call him.

As he did that it allowed you to see the Commander. His powers had allowed the pilot to almost be frozen in spot, and a couple of troopers to grab him. He was looking to you, maybe? You couldn’t really tell, but heaviness filled your mind, and in an instance — everything went dark.

----------

tag list - if i missed you please message me and let me know or if youd like to be added

@dark-night-sky-99​ @jons-angel​ @fresa-luna​ @lokilover-39​ @thomasscresswell​ @nickangel13​ @shesakillerkween 

[a-dorin]

stay with me - kylo ren

word count: 3,174

warnings: smut, oral, (gentle that escalates to rough) sex, cursing, angst, sexual innuendos, sexual frustration 

a/n: this is the third part to the series i am working on! the first two parts are listed here:

(the) first meeting

vulnerability 

summary: after the surprise visit from poe dameron, tension fills the air of the finalizer. bubba and phoenix ask you about your past as they give you a tour of the finalizer. that night, kylo ren gives you an offer, and you accept it. 

“you should attend to your duties,” your voice was soft as you locked eyes with kylo ren, “poe dameron from the resistance landed on your ship with no warning. that’s a huge problem.” 

“don’t even get me started,” kylo sighed, growing frustrated, “i should have killed him for what he did to you.”

“kylo,” you sucked in breath, “you know what his death would spark.”

“i know,” his tone was solemn, “i should go, before something catches on fire. knowing hux, there were probably already flames.”

“will you be back?” you pouted, and kylo mustered the strength to not crack under your spell. 

“of course i will,” he nodded, pressing his lips against your forehead, “however, it may be a few hours. we have a lot of conflicts to resolve and i have a lot of anger building up inside me right now.”

“don’t kill anyone,” you tried your best to calm kylo down, but you could practically see the rage bubbling in his eyes. 

“i’ll try my best not to,” kylo sighed. he plucked his mask off the floor, sliding it over his head. 

he stormed off, his aura radiating anger and distress. you exhaled, unsure of what to do now. a part of you longed to follow kylo, as long as it meant you were by his side. you didn’t hate the moments in which the two of you were separated, but you didn’t like it either. there wasn’t much to do on the ship if you weren’t a trooper or first order employee. 

another part of you yearned to feel kylo’s full lips against yours once more. the kiss was too much for you to take. it was so full of passion, as butterflies still fluttered in your stomach. you wished it would have lasted longer. maybe you would have taken things to your quarters. maybe you would have gotten to know what running your hands through his hair felt like. maybe there would be more feelings expressed, as he kissed down your neck, and onto your bare chest. 

i can read your thoughts still. kylo murmured in the back of your head.

“i hate when you do this,” you huffed, flustered. 

we can work on how to prevent it, kylo stated. but it’s also due to the bond between us. you can read my thoughts too, but you’re not quite trained to do that. i can teach you. 

“do you think about having sex with me?” the question couldn’t be contained inside your thoughts. 

you could practically see kylo close his eyes and sigh as he made his way to a meeting between him and the generals, i have to go. i should be at your quarters around midnight. 

“you doin’ okay babes?” phoenix’s voice called from down the hall, “we just got the order to keep you preoccupied.”

“hey guys!” you chirped as bubba and phoenix approached you, along with jet, “did you guys scare away poe?”

“we scared the shit out of him,” bubba puffed out his chest, his blaster at his hip, “what did you and the supreme leader talk about?”

“nothing,” you answered a little too quickly, blushing slightly.

“you don’t have to lie to us,” phoenix remarked, “we’re pretty much forced to be with you twenty-four seven darlin’.”

“you cannot tell him,” you warned. 

“you guys kissed didn’t you?” bubba teased, nudging you playfully, “we see the way he looks at you.”

“maybe we did,” you bit your lip. 

“next thing you know,” phoenix shrugged, “they’re fucking. you know, i’ve always wondered how big his-”

“okay that’s enough,” you cut phoenix off, heat filling your cheeks.  

“we’re just giving you shit,” phoenix reassured you, “hey, did kylo ever give you a tour of the ship?” 

shaking your head no, your boys both looked at one another, “we have to give her a tour.”

“c’mon (y/n),” phoenix wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “let the boys give you a personal tour.”

you giggled, jet following the three of you as you began to walk down the corridor, “can i ask questions during the tour?”

“as long as they’re not history questions,” bubba responded. 

“same with physics,” phoenix chuckled, “the first order education system is pretty good, just not so much in the history or science department.”

“well it doesn’t help when our universe has such a complicated history,” you murmured, noticing that the bodies from earlier were already carried away. you figured kylo didn’t want them laying around. you hoped that a majority of those who were hurt earlier were going to recover. you didn’t want to know how many poe killed so casually, looking for you. 

“you okay babes?” phoenix seemed alarmed, “you’re spacing out.” 

even though both phoenix and bubba wore their helmets at all times, you could tell their emotions. even if their expressions were masked, they didn’t hide their emotions in their voices. you liked how they cared for you beyond the orders. it was comforting having two friends on the giant ship. 

“i’m okay,” you nodded, “just taking everything in.”

“so tell us,” bubba started, “what’s the history with poe dameron? were you raised under a rebel family?”

“oh no,” you shook your head, “the planet you guys raided only a few days ago, takodana, is a neutral planet. we have a lot of neutrality there amongst rebels and the first order. it’s always been a netural land. i was born and raised there. i met poe at a trading post. from there, it was history.”

“a bad history,” phoenix added, “i can’t imagine the amount of pain he’s put you through. i was cheated on at the academy. it really hurts.”

“fuck infidelity,” bubba boomed, earning a laugh from you. 

“how many times did he cheat?” you could tell that phoenix was walking on eggshells. he didn’t want to pry too much, which you appreciated. 

“too many times,” you shrugged, “the last time i spoke to him was five months ago. i was asleep, and i heard a loud banging noise from downstairs. i walked down the stairs to see poe fucking some woman.” 

“while you were asleep?” bubba was in shock. 

you nodded, tears brimming your eyes as you recalled the memory of that night. after you had seen poe with the woman, you went back upstairs, not caring if you were quiet or not. poe confronted you, asking you why you were snooping around, and why you had the audacity to “ruin his libido.” your lip trembled, the tears threatening to fall. 

“hey,” phoenix soothed you, “we didn’t mean to make ya cry, doll. a gorgeous woman like you shouldn’t be crying over a man who’s a piece of shit.”

“you’re just saying that because he’s a rebel,” you sniffed, smiling slightly. 

“no,” bubba shook his head, “we just want ya happy, whether or not he’s tied with the resistance.”

“thank you,” you whispered, and the two men gave you a cheeky thumbs up. jet whistled, going in circles as he encountered another droid. 

“we’re approaching the main loading dock,” bubba informed, as you realized how long the three of you had been wandering around. 

entering the loading dock, your jaw dropped. the area was massive, as it was full of ships, cruisers, and large mechanical war machines. you peered around in awe, noticing the amounts of storm troopers and staff floating around, going about their duties. 

“this is where poe got in,” phoenix mumbled, “whoever was guarding the controls to that deck is probably getting mauled or fired right now.”

“oh shit,” you breathed. 

then, as if in slow motion, you saw him. he was surrounded by general hux and some other men, deep in discussion. they were pointing at the gate, and you assumed they were conversing about security. compared to the other men, kylo was taller and more built, towering over them. 

“there’s your eye candy,” bubba teased. 

your breath hitched in your throat as kylo whipped his head towards you. heat filled your cheeks as his eyes stared at you. you were still dressed in the silk robe from earlier, your hair flowing down your shoulders. 

you’ve been crying. i can tell. concern filled kylo’s voice. are you all right? are you hurt?

i’m fine. you shot back. 

as long as you’re all right. kylo dipped his head towards bubba and phoenix, then reengaged himself into the conversation with his men. they marched off, and you felt a slight wave of sadness wash over you. he was gone. and he would be for several more hours. 

bubba and phoenix provided you with an excellent tour of the finalizer. you were in awe the entire time, taking in the the sights of the ship. the main thing that impressed you still was how organized everything was. and how the design of the ship gave it optimal efficiency. the first order was impressive, and it was all led under kylo. 

after your tour, you ate with bubba and phoenix in the dining hall, and they teased you relentlessly about kylo. you just waved them off as your face burned with embarrassment. once you all were finished eating, you made your way to your quarters, where you noticed jet was lagging. 

turns out, he needed a replacement wheel, along with a few programming tweaks. bubba and phoenix led you to the engineering department, where you had him stay overnight to get repaired. you need he was in good hands, as bubba reassured you that the mechanic working on him was the best in the galaxy. 

soon enough, it was approaching ten p.m., and you were lying on your bed. you wondered if kylo was wrapping up his duties, and whether or not he would be on his way to see you soon. you longed to see him again. 

sure enough, you heard voices from outside your doors. then, came a soft knock. you hopped off the bed, practically sprinting to the door. you swung the doors open, to see kylo standing there, rings underneath his eyes, his hair disheveled. 

“i have a request,” he murmured. 

“and that is?” you raised a brow. 

he took your hand, lacing your fingers together, “stay with me tonight. in my own room.” 

you widened your eyes, blushing, “i will.” 

“come with me,” he planted a soft kiss on your forehead, and you exited from the doorway. he wrapped an arm around your waist, holding you tightly as he whisked you away. 

as the two of you walked off, bubba and phoenix whistled, earning a hard glare from you. kylo ignored it, as he was probably irritated from his long day. the two just laughed, more than likely happy to be relieved from their duties for a while. 

eventually, kylo stopped at a doorway, punching in a key code. you waited patiently, and the doorway opened. inside, the room was adorned with dark decor. the walls were black, matching the marble floor. there was little to no furniture. a small leather chair was joined by a table in one corner, while there was a pedestal in the other. in the center of the room, there was a massive bed. on the right side, there was a wardrobe, similar to yours. 

there were little to no viewports, as they were very spaced out in the room. you frowned, wondering how many times kylo isolated himself in here. it was very dark, which you didn’t mind. but surely it wasn’t pleasant all the time. 

“are you all right?” kylo’s voice brought you back to reality. 

“of course,” you nodded, “just looking at your room.” 

kylo approached you, and his hands held your face. it was gentle, as it usually was, but this time it was different. there weren’t any leather gloves acting as a barrier. his brown eyes met yours, and it was a different look than it was the last time you had kissed. the look of adoration was now more tense, more energetic. it was hard not to get hypnotized. 

gently, his lips brushed against yours. you reciprocated, deepening the kiss. he licked your bottom lip, asking for entrance. you let him in, and his tongue began to explore your mouth, tasting you. you began to kiss him more passionately as his hands moved from your face to your hair, his fingers tangling themselves in your locks. 

he picked you up by your thighs, laying you on the bed. his weight shifted so that he was on top of you, kissing down your neck. he sucked harshly on your skin, ensuring that there were marks. he wanted everyone to know that you were his. 

you moaned his lips made their way down your collarbone. his fingers unclasped your robe, and it fell from your skin. in the moonlight, your skin glowed. kylo traced your skin with his fingertips, taking in the sight of you. his breath hitched in his throat, and he was unsure of what to do next. he didn’t want to mess this up. he wanted to give you what you deserved. he wanted to feel you and love you. he wanted you to feel like a princess. his princess. 

“i haven’t done this before,” kylo admitted, slightly embarrassed, “i don’t know what-“

“don’t worry,” you hushed him, “i’m all yours, kylo.” 

“do you want this?” he asked, his voice a whisper. his cheeks were slightly flushed, and his pupils were dilated. 

“yes,” you nodded, your cheeks burning, “i want you.” 

your last three words were enough for him. you guided kylo, placing his hands on your breasts. he squeezed them, earning a moan from you. god, he would do this all night if he got to hear you moan for him. he loved the sound too much. 

kylo kissed all over your chest, placing delicate kisses around your breasts. he sucked on them, flicking his tongue over your nipples. his actions only made you crave his touch more. you needed him. more than you wanted to admit. 

he read your thoughts, leaving a trail of sloppy marks down your stomach as he continued to kiss down. his fingers hooked your underwear, sliding them down your legs. he tossed them to the floor, and almost came undone at the sight of you naked. however, he couldn’t yet. he didn’t want to. he wanted to make this last.

the room became hotter as he parted your thighs, his head level with your dripping pussy. 

“don’t worry love,” he murmured, “i’ll take care of you.” 

without warning, he dove his tongue between your folds, making you moan, filling the room with the sound. his hands grasped your thighs, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your heated skin. 

you laced your fingers into his hair, tugging lightly to let him know he was pleasuring you. almost too much. the feeling overwhelmed you as he licked up your pussy, savoring every inch of it. 

his hands reached up, grasping your nipples between his fingers. you groaned, “kylo ren.” 

the sound of his name escaping your lips only encouraged him. his mouth met with your clit, sucking slightly. you squirmed, as your orgasm was coming quickly. you could feel it building in your lower half. it didn’t stop kylo. he wanted nothing more to make you cum. to feel you come undone and keep licking you until he couldn’t taste it. 

however he stopped as you were about to cum. he wiped his mouth, his lips a dark pink. hesitantly, he placed his fingers in front of your lips, parting them. you sucked on his fingers, slowly taking them in your mouth. he groaned, the bulge in his pants prominent. 

you sat up, unbuttoning his trousers. he took off his shirt, casting it to the floor. he watched intently as your fingers hooked the waistband of his underwear, slowly sliding them down his legs. your eyes widened at the side of his hard cock, practically in your face. 

“how do you want to take it?” his voice was full of authority, which made you shudder slightly. it was hot. 

“however you want me to, kylo ren,” you ensured his name came out of your mouth. you knew he loved it when you called him by his name. 

“bend over on the bed,” he ordered, and you obeyed. 

his fingers slipped between your folds, and he was pleased by how wet you still were. slowly, he filled you with his cock, and you cried out. 

“you can take it,” kylo’s voice was in your ear, “you can take it, baby. i know you can. you’re so wet for me already, let’s see if we can get you dripping.”

kylo fucked you slowly at first, his strokes gentle. however, as he went deeper and deeper, he began to fuck you harder, his skin slapping against yours. he slapped your ass, your skin stinging. you didn’t care. you loved the way he fucked you. he said he would take care of you, and he was. he was filling you up and you were taking it. 

“kylo,” you groaned, feeling his thumb pressing against your clit, “you’re going to make me cum.” 

“cum for me baby,” he murmured, “let go for me.” 

you came, your moans filling the room. you knew you were being too loud, but you didn’t care. kylo didn’t care either. he didn’t care if the entire ship heard you. he wanted them to know what he did to you. how he made you his. 

kylo’s strokes became sloppier, and he pulled out, cumming all over your back. you collapsed on the bed, a mess. kylo disappeared, heading towards his own refresher. he came back moments later, his underwear on, a warm towel in his hands. 

gently, kylo cleaned you up. he knew the aftercare was just as important as every other aspect itself, even if it was something he knew barely anything about. he offered you one of his own tunics, and you gladly accepted it. his scent flooded your senses as you slipped it on, and you adored it. 

you noticed that kylo was exhausted, the rings underneath his eyes more prominent now as he faced you. you laid down, offering the space beside you for him. he chuckled softly, laying beside you. he wrapped you tightly into his embrace, his body warm. 

“how did that happen?” you asked aloud. 

“how did what happen?” his voice was becoming laced with sleep.

“that,” you rolled over, gently rubbing your hands through his hair. 

he shrugged, “there’s just chemistry between us, (y/n). quite a bit of it is unspoken, but you can’t deny i make you feel a certain way.”

you blushed, “you’re right. i am very attracted to you.” 

“i am as well,” kylo murmured, “let’s sleep, baby. we can talk about this in the morning after my briefing.” 

“as long as i get to wake up in your arms,” you whispered, rolling back over. 

for the first time in months, kylo drifted off to sleep, a small smile on his face.

***** tagged users: @lookinsidemyhead​ @bqbyl0n​ @lokilover-39​

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 11

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover (If you can’t find it here)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7a | 7b | 8 | 9a | 9b | 10

Let me know what you think in the comments or my ask box.

Chapter 11: A Room to be Shared

Summary: You decided to take a leap of faith and talk first, “General Hux said you might give me a tour of the ship.”This seemed to take his mind off of whatever was going through his head. “Yes,” he said clearing his throat. “We have time tonight if you would like to?”You nodded in agreement and he had a ghost of a smile on his face.

_______________________________________________________________________

You could feel the pressure of leaving the atmosphere but you did not experience any weightlessness which was disappointing. The ride was silent, no one spoke except for the pilot when informing station control of your arrival. You were very nervous, this being your first time leaving Earth and all. 

The pilot informed you all that it was safe to depart the shuttle. Kylo quickly and swiftly unbuckled himself and reached over to unbuckle you. In a way it made you feel like a child, but it also felt oddly protective. 

Kylo was the first to leave the shuttle, the other officers waited and followed after you. You all descended the ramp and paused at the base. General Hux was right. There was a large battalion of stormtroopers and a large number of officers and pilots waiting for you. They all saluted, Kylo nodded his head and he was off walking again. You were struggling to keep up with his long strides through the handier. Reaching the door he paused and turned to you as if he was now remembering that you were here, he took your arm in his and guided you through the long hallways of the Steadfast. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see two junior officers following you with your bags. 

Throughout your journey in the halls neither you nor Kylo spoke. Officers ducked out of the way and saluted. When you came to a cross-section there was a squad of stormtroopers marching the halls, they paused and saluted while you and Kylo turned down the other hall. Finally, you were in a section that hadn’t had many doors for a while and that no one seemed to be in. You both approached the door. Kylo punched in a code on the panel next to the door and you stepped in. 

The room was quite grand and white, brighter than you expected for a man dressed in all black. The room you entered was very large and had a large bay window showing the stars. There was no furniture in this room except for a podium of sorts that held a melted looking mask. To the right of the doors there were stairs that you could see leading to a bedroom, to the left of the room there were stairs leading to a kitchen. The whole place seemed bare—empty. 

The junior officers just left your bags by the inside of the door and left. You two were alone once again. Kylo let go of your arm, moved away from you and removed his helmet. A podium raised from the ground, this one had a layer of ashes in it he placed his helmet there. He turned to you but stayed silent. You could tell there was something he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the words to say it. Instead, he grabbed your bags from the doorway and took them up the stairs, you followed him. He paused at the end of the bed and turned to you, unsure. His eyes were nervously darting from you to anywhere but you. He then went to a door on the left side of the room. It opened and revealed another bedroom with a bathroom attached to it. He set your bags on the bed. 

This whole situation was awkward, you could tell there were a million thoughts running through his head but he was unable to speak even one. So you asked, “Shall we have dinner soon?”

This snapped him out of his own thoughts, he nodded and gestured for you to head towards the kitchen. “I’ll have it sent over.” And with that, you saw a data pad in his hands as he quickly sent an order to the ship’s kitchen. In the kitchen of your shared quarters, there was a large dining room table, that you both sat at, beauty and the beast style. 

A few moments passed and just as you were about to speak again the door opened to the main room and a robot appeared with a cart full of food. Impressively the cart was able to traverse the stairs and the droid went quickly to work setting the food that Kylo ordered in front of you. The food seemed familiar but was still not something you have seen before. You wondered about all of the different species of plants and animals that were available to the First Order as food. You both began to eat. 

Kylo again seemed as if he desperately wanted to make conversation but was unable to find the right words. 

You decided to take a leap of faith and talk first, “General Hux said you might give me a tour of the ship.”

This seemed to take his mind off of whatever was going through his head. “Yes,” he said clearing his throat. “We have time tonight if you would like to?”

You nodded in agreement and he had a ghost of a smile on his face. You two finished your meal now with a pleasant silence. “What will we do with the dishes,” you ask. 

“A droid will pick them up while we are on our tour,” responded Kylo. You were both now in the big main room where he picked up his mask again and punched in a few messages to his data pad. Once he was finished and his helmet was on he gestured for you to take his arm again.

This felt nice like you were a princess and he was your prince, your knight. It made your heart flutter and you tried to conceal your blush. You were now out in the hallway, winding and turning until you were at the bridge. You both enter and the chatter you could hear while the door opened died immediately once everyone realized you were there. Generals Hux and Pryde were there, Hux spoke first:

“Supreme Leader, I see that you did decide to give Lady Y/N a tour this evening.” 

“Yes, she requested it,” said Kylo simply. “Would you explain the different aspects of the bridge to her?” And with that Kylo seemed to want to release your arm so you could follow the general. This saddened you a bit but you just followed along. 

“Certainly Supreme Leader it would be my pleasure,” said Hux, he then gestured for you to follow him. “My lady.” And with that, the general took you around the bridge explaining the different roles and introducing you to the officers. You could tell they were all on edge with Kylo there, especially because he was still standing where you left him but he seemed to be following you with his eyes. The officers being nervous as to not mess up, but they seemed more comfortable with the general. Once he was finished explaining everything and introducing you to everyone he returned you back to Kylo and you thanked him.

You took Kylo’s arm again and you left the bridge, you wound the hallways until you came to the med bay. Stepping inside you were met by a man in a white uniform. 

“Supreme Leader.” And he bowed slightly and turned to you. “My lady, my name is Dr. Xero Dabrini. I am the chief medical officer on board the Steadfast. I was informed to give you a tour of the med bay and to give your vaccinations.” And Kylo released your arm again letting the doctor give you a tour. By the end of the tour, he lead you into an examination room.

“Hopefully you will not have to really ever be to the med bay apart from your health check-ups. Now I will be administering all of the vaccines that we require, but first I will check your medical record to see what you are up to date on.” He used a larger data pad to pull up your medical record, you assume that they had it after you had been registered. After confirming your current vaccinations, he pulled out a device that had several needles in it. He prepared your arm with what you assumed to be a sterilizing agent and a numbing gel. You didn’t even feel the shots. He then took something that looked like a radar scanner and held it up to you. “You seem to be in excellent health. Now I have one question for you. May I ask if you are on any form of birth control?”

This question startled you. It was probably just standard procedure but it was also known to him that you were the Supreme Leader’s match. You wondered if this influenced the question because Kylo and you hadn’t spoken much to each other yet and it was not something you were ready for with him. 

“I currently have and an implant in my arm, I just got it three months ago, they are supposed to be effective for three years,” you responded. The doctor nodded and typed something into your medical record. 

“That is very good. The Supreme Leader may request that a First Order one should be put in, but for now, that will be sufficient.” With that, the doctor lead you back out to the main lobby to join Kylo again. You thanked the doctor and took Kylo’s arm again and he lead you down the halls.

You were tempted to ask him about what the doctor said, but knowing you had only spoken with him a little you were sure this wasn’t the time to ask him. He wasn’t expecting you to sleep with him, he gave you your own room. 

You came upon the hanger once again. This time Kylo took you around to the hangar and he talked about the different ships. There was a TIE fighter that was different from the others and he didn’t mention it so you.

“And this one,” you asked making him pause in front of it. 

He looked at you then at the ship. “This is mine. I designed this model when I was new to the First Order. Its faster, with its twin-ion engine and has two SJFS L-s9.6 laser cannons, two SJFS L-7.5 heavy laser cannons, an Arakyd ST7 concussion and mag-pulse warhead launcher and a proton torpedo launcher.” He seemed proud of it even though the vocoder hid what you assumed in his voice. 

“Sounds like only a very skilled pilot is able to fly it,” you said. Through the vocoder, you could hear him clear his throat as he glanced down at the floor. If he wasn’t wearing his mask you swore he was probably blushing at your compliment.

Regaining his composure he asked, “shall I show you one of my favorite parts of the ship?”

You eagerly nodded and smiled at him. One again you were off in the winding halls of the ship, knowing you would have to be guided for a while as it seemed hard to memorize where you were going and because there were no signs anywhere telling you where you were. 

You came upon a door and Kylo punched in a code. The door opened to a large empty room. He guided you in. On either side of the room, there were large windows. On one side it showed you a hangar bay, similar to the one you toured but this one had more cargo and seemed to be where they actually built ship, not just maintained them. On the other side, the windows were open to the stars. Both sides were beautiful in their own way.

Kylo removed his helmet for the first time during your tour. “I come here when I need to think. When I desire to be alone with my thoughts, where no one can disturb me.” 

He let go of your arm but took your hand and lead you to the hangar side. Your heartbeat was a mess. 

“No one is allowed in this room unless it is an emergency. But this room will always be open to you. There is a room like this on every one of the First Order ships. They are all open to you,” he said seriously.

You took this time to look at him in the eyes and appreciate that he was allowing you into a private part of his life. “Thank you Kylo,” and you gently squeezed his hand. Now you could confirm that when he slightly ducked his head that he was blushing, he also gave a small smile too. It made your heart swell.

He then lead you to the star side of the room. “My dream is to share every star in the galaxy with you. That they know how good the First Order is. And that they may know peace and order.”

The first part of that made you blush especially because he gently squeezed his hand as you did his. You two remained standing there staring into space for a few minutes before he put his helmet on once more and lead you out of the room. 

“This will be our last stop of the night,” he said pausing so the doors could open. They revealed a large throne room. In the entrance, there was a long narrow walkway that had holes on either side of it for no other reason than to look impressive. The narrow walkway opened up into a large expanse of the room. Long red curtains were covering the beautiful windows, you thought this was a shame. There were 4 devices, on tin each corner, they reminded you of Tesla coils as they came out of the floor. In the middle of the expanse, there was a large throne, too big for one person, but you suppose that was the point. In the room, there were a number of red guards that reminded you of the Knights of Ren from the pamphlet but were somehow different. 

“This is my throne room. I am not often here as much as my predecessor was, but I can be found here at different times of the day. I prefer to move about the ship and the planet that we are occupying at the time. To be involved with the daily workings of the First Order.”

Kylo brought you to the throne. “Sit,” he gently commanded. 

You were taken back by this, but you followed orders. He stepped back. Seeming too admire the sight in front of him. 

“The throne becomes you,” he said complimenting you. At this, you blushed and stood feeling awkward at the situation. He took your arm once more and lead you back to your chambers.

[writesowhatnext]

slowly, slowly catchy monkey // kylo ren

Summary: After a long, long day, Kylo just wants to take it soft and slow

Request: nee

A/N: I don’t really know what my goal was with this but its fluff my dudes

Reader: female

Warnings: nudity I suppose, touching

You were in the bath when the door to your quarters opened. You leant backwards and pushed your chest up so you could hang over the side of the bath and tip your head upside down. The water shifted, lapping at the sides of the ceramic tub. You watched a large dark mass stomp into the room, the doors shutting behind him with a hiss. If they weren’t automatic, you were sure he would’ve slammed them.

“You okay, love?” you called out behind you, slipping back into the bath properly, dipping your shoulders under the warm water. There was only a grunt in response, followed by a series of huffs and puffs. Then, the soft thud of fabric on the floor. You smiled, imagining the way he was undressing angrily, like a sulking child.

You let him simmer for a few minutes, closing your eyes and enjoying the warmth of the water on your skin. No doubt he’d had a hard day with all of his Supreme Leader duties; it was a hard job, you assumed, shouting at Hux all day, force strangling people every so often. You smiled to yourself before opening your eyes, scratching your eyelid with your fingernail.

“Kylo,” you called, once again leaning back to see behind you, surprised to see the man in question leaning against the doorway of the bathroom, watching you. He was shirtless with his arms crossed; the muscles of his arms prominent as he looked at you; you were sure he’d notice you looking at his body. Of course he’d enjoy it. That could’ve been why, uncharacteristically perhaps, he was smiling. “Oh.”

He tilted his head to the side, eyes on you. He enjoyed the view of you with your head upside down; he thought it unfair to everyone else in the galaxy that you could look as beautiful as you did ridiculous.

“Did you have a bad day?” you asked, smiling at him before leaning forward and turning to face to him the right way instead, water swaying around you. He noticed how scruffily your hair was tied up, the way some of the strands stuck to your neck from the damp humidity of the water. He hummed for a second.

“Doesn’t matter.” He said, standing up straight and walking towards you. You snorted, raising your eyebrow.

“I thought the fate of the galaxy hung in the balance?”

He exhaled out of his nose at your teasing tone, placing a large hand on your shoulder and bending down to kiss your head. His hand moved to cup your neck, rubbing the hairs of your nape with his thumb.

“Not right now.”

You turned to see him undress, discarding his trousers next to the tub. You smiled, scooting forward in the tub and leaning so he could get in behind you.

“The resistance took the day off, did they?”

The water rose as he stepped in, rising further to your shoulders as he sat down. You felt warmer as his legs slotted in around yours. He grabbed your upper arms gently, pulling you back into him.

“It doesn’t matter.” He repeated as his hands trailed from your shoulders, down your arms and to your waist to pull you closer into him. You shivered despite the warmth. “You’re the only thing that matters.”

You leant back against his chest, turning to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“Imagine what the galaxy would think if I told everyone how sweet Kylo Ren actually was.”

“Only for you.” He whispered, dropping his chin behind you so he could press his lips against your shoulder. “It doesn’t matter to me what anyone but you thinks.”

You smiled, running your hands over his forearms, holding him close.

You sat, mostly silent, for a while as the water grew cold. He occasionally shuffled, tightening his hold around your waist or tangling his legs with yours. You watched the way the water flowed over your toes, dipping your feet in and out of the water. His lips were pressed to your skin, first your shoulder and then your neck. You were worried he’d fallen asleep, actually, by the time you decided you both needed to get out, but when you turned to face him, he looked up and you were met with his intense stare.

“We should probably get out.”

He made a noise of protest, tightening his grip around you, before sighing and dragging his hands back up your arms. You bit your top lip and kissed his jaw, making him hum. As you stood up, his hands fell down your body, skimming your hips.

You stretched and then looked down at him. He stared up at you with his left arm resting along the rim on the bathtub and the other lifted to his face. The back of his fingers rested against his lips as he looked up at you; the whole universe in his eyes. His expression took your breath away a little bit, and you felt heat rush to your face.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he muttered, hoisting himself up to stand. You smiled at his words, tilting your head to the side bashfully. You placed your hands on his shoulders as his found your waist.

“I think you’re pretty breath-taking too.”

You relished the heat that pinked his skin and smirked, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. He pulled you tightly to him, the water at your feet splashing as you skidded in the tub. You smiled against his lips, squeaking slightly at his left hand gripping your butt cheek. You both pulled away, his hand still resting on your ass. You sent him a glare of mock admonishment, brows pulled downward, when you noticed his grin.

“Your hands are wandering, Mr. Supreme Leader.” You said, your thumb sliding up his neck to slot behind his ear. He leant into your touch, the hint of a smile lingering on his lips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You rolled your eyes, pulling away slightly to step out of the bath. His hand caught your arm, stilling you. Your eyebrows knitted together as he stepped out of the bath to wrap a towel around his waist. He grabbed a second one off of the radiator a moment later and then turned to you. He offered out his hand and with a small smile, you took it. He helped you step out of the bath before he threw the towel around you, rubbing the material up and down your arms. Quietly, you let him dry your body. You touch lingered on your skin and every so often, he would place a chaste kiss to your shoulder, or your hip, or your calf. You enjoyed the feeling of his hands on you and after the bath, it lulled you into a sleepy state.

You barely noticed him stop, blinking your eyes open when the towel touched the small of your back, pulling you toward him. You stumbled into Kylo’s chest with your fingers spread across the pale planes of his skin and with tired eyes, looked up to his face. He was staring down at you with soft eyes and an even softer smile. You thought maybe he was going to kiss you, but he didn’t. He just held the towel with one hand and with the other, reached up behind your head. He pulled the hair tie from your hair, letting it fall down, a few strands in front of your face. Tilting his head to the side, he gently brushed your hair from your hair, his fingertips light on your skin. Your eyes fluttered shut as he ran his fingers through your hair, raking through a few knots ever so gently. A smile lifted your cheeks as his other hand dropped the towel and cupped your cheek.

“So beautiful.”

[sithsecrets]

A Matter of Expediency - Part XI

After being married off to Kylo Ren in the name of securing an heir to the First Order’s throne, a princess tries to navigate the ins and outs of married life. As she grows closer to her new husband, the princess also carves out a place for herself in the Order, assuming control over her life when she thought she would have none.

—

Part 11

4.5k words

Mentions: pregnancy, swearing, mild sexual content, discussions of past relationships, menstruation

—

“Are you sure this is safe?” you ask your husband, hesitantly settling in his lap as he starts up his TIE-fighter, flipping switches and pushing buttons.

“Oh yes,” Kylo assures you, absently pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I would never put your in danger.”

You’re still not convinced, unsure about two people galivanting through space in a one-man vessel, but Kylo’s arm is strong around your waist, his words comforting. And honestly, you’re too excited to really be bothered, thrumming with anticipation at the notion of zooming around the ship with your husband after hours.

Kylo is careful as he guides your ship out of the hangar, exiting the Supremacy with care. But as soon as the two of you are fully out in the inky expanse of space, he punches the accelerator, sending the little craft off at an exhilarating speed. You giggle as Kylo whips you around the ship, squealing when he makes sharp twists and turns with master precision. Hux had told you that your husband was an excellent pilot, but you had no idea what that really meant, accustomed to traveling on casual transport vessels. But Kylo is being anything but casual, telling you to hold on as he executes rolls and loops and other tricks that make your heart jump up in your throat.

Clutching onto your husband tightly, you’re absolutely delighted to realize that he’s enjoying himself too, grinning against the side of your face as he tells you to brace yourself before he does something complex. Stars, he even laughs, the sound of his joy coming from deep in his chest. He loves this, you realize, loves to fly. Your husband, a serious man, a man with little time to himself and so much to do, loves to go out and do the one thing that probably makes him feel truly and supremely free. And what’s better still, he’s decided to share this hobby of his with you.

By the time Kylo lands the TIE back in hangar two, you’re breathless and giddy, flushed with elation from all that’s just happened. As soon as Kylo pops the door open to give the both of you a bit more air, you’re on him in an instant, pressing kisses to his face as you laugh and laugh. He kisses you back, holding you and smiling into your mouth.

“Did you have fun?” Kylo asks, finally peeling you away from him.

“More fun than I’ve ever had in my life!” you exclaim, turning to fall back against his chest with a sigh. Wistfully, you add, “Oh, we should do that every night.”

Your husband settles his arms around your middle, nuzzling into your hair. “If the Empress commands it, then so it shall be.”

You smile at that but say nothing, content to stare out at the stars glittering in the distance before you. Kylo’s got his little craft positioned so that the two of you can gaze out the back of the hangar, safe inside the climate preservers and blastshields. The two of you hold one another for a long while, sitting in comfortable silence until Kylo finally speaks.

“Did you have any lovers before me?” he asks, settling you in his lap.

“I told you the night we wed that you were my first,” you reply, brows drawing together in confusion. You thought the whole thing had been rather unforgettable, but maybe that was because you were the one who wiped a bit of blood from between your legs when all was said and done.

“Well of course,” Kylo says quickly, sensing your disconcertment. “But did you have any other… beloveds? A boyfriend, or just someone who cared for you?”

You shake your head. “No. Mila was very good at turning others against me, and there are many beautiful girls my age in my husband’s court. Everyone passed over me, I think.”

Kylo kisses the top of your head upon hearing this, arms holding your tighter. He hesitates as he goes to speak though, almost as if he’s choosing his words carefully. “Even the women who attended to you?”

You balk at that, caught off-guard by the question. Memories flit through your mind like flashes of light, and for the first time in years, you think of Sabe’s hands, of the way her lips felt on your neck. The two of you had been so young then, barely Helda’s age when you first kissed each other in the dark. It was an innocent little tryst for the most part, two teenagers sneaking into each other’s beds to make out for a couple of hours while everyone else was asleep. There was only one time that something “serious” happened between the two of you, something that was a bit more than simple kissing. You had been so nervous when Sabe opened the front of your nightgown, self-conscious about your body back then. But her mouth was warm and soft and wet as she suckled at your breast, laving her tongue across your nipples in a way that made you sweat. She never touched you, never actually made you cum, but that was the first time you can remember really wanting to have sex with someone. No promises were made, you never courted one another, but you would be lying if you said there wasn’t a bit of puppy love at play all those years ago. Obviously, though, the little fling ended, fizzling out with the heat of the summer months. You thought Sabe had moved on forever and a day ago, but you’ve been rethinking the idea of that since her little post-engagement explosion.

“I see,” Kylo says softly, breaking you from your thoughts. Embarrassment washes over you then, staining your cheeks with crimson— he saw what you were thinking about.

“I don’t miss her,” you say at once, rushing to explain lest your husband mistake your reminiscing for longing or pining. “We were virtual children then, curious and bored and accessible to one other. I just don’t like how we ended our friendship is all. Sabe was very angry when I said I wanted to marry you, even after you offered me a chance to break things off. Myself and my other ladies ended up having a fight with her about it, and it was ugly. She was ugly.”

Kylo gives you a squeeze around the middle, comforting and companionable. “I’m sorry.”

You shrug, mildly upset and completely unaffected all at the same time. The little relationship you had with Sabe is all water under the bridge, old news from years ago that you look back on with fondness. But her cruel comments towards yourself and Lydia have not faded with time, and they still sour your image of her overall.

Tired of thinking about the matter, you shake your head to clear away of images of Sabe, of her mean eyes and her soft mouth. Reaching a hand back to toy with a lock of your husband’s hair, you decide it’s his turn in the hot seat.

“What about you?” you ask, inquiring about his past relationships. “I’m sure you had many beautiful lovers before me.”

Kylo plays it modest, simply saying, “I took women to my bed on occasion, yes, but they were never anyone special.”

You won’t let him get away that easily, though, pressing for details. “Who did you sleep with?”

Once again, your husband is casual, speaking the truth without boasting. “Women I met through diplomatic work, mostly. The parties and the dinners, you know how it is.”

In actuality, you don’t know how it is, but you nod companionably nonetheless. You’re an adult— you understand the basic premise of what he’s saying.

“You never had girlfriends, lovers you saw regularly?”

A shake of the head, and then, “None of them interested me. But I certainly didn’t string anyone along. I watch officers do that to people all the time, and it disgusts me to no end. My intentions were always clear from the outset.”

You admire and respect that sentiment, pleased to hear that your husband never went through a womanizing phase like so many men of station do. And not because he wasn’t desired, either, for you’re sure the women (and men) flung themselves at Kylo back in the day the same way they do now.

Your final question is perhaps your most invasive, but you think Kylo won’t be offended if you ask it. “What was your first time like?”

“When I was twenty-two, Supreme Leader Snoke sent me to negotiate a treaty on Valdera,” Kylo begins. “As you know, the President of Valdera and his Parliament like to partake in quite a bit of… merrymaking when they receive guests. They threw me a feast, and many important officials were there. Nearly all of them were drunk before we even began eating, but I didn’t feel comfortable becoming inebriated amongst strangers.”

You nod, pressing a kiss to your husband’s knuckles to show that you’re listening.

“Anyway, as I was having dinner and trying to ignore all of the foolishness going on around me, I felt as though I was being watched. When I looked down the table, I saw that it was a woman who was staring at me. She was seated in a dignitary’s lap, and I thought at first that she was his wife. But then I noticed that other women had come to the table as well, and I understood at once that she was some sort of concubine. Or a prostitute, maybe. In any case, she was very beautiful, and I could see everything she was picturing in her head as she looked me over.”

“She was fantasizing about you,” you say, and not without a bit of jealously. This woman is long gone, a relic of Kylo’s past, but you still can’t help yourself from being a bit miffed.

Your husband must sense the change in your mood, because he draws you closer to his chest, laughing lightly. “Yes, you possessive little thing, she was.”

Though you’re not ready to be done sulking just yet, you crack a smile nonetheless, unable to stay mad when Kylo’s teasing you and nuzzling his nose against your ear.

“Naturally,” Kylo continues, “I was a bit taken aback, but I didn’t say anything there at the table. A few hours later, I retired to my rooms for the night, and she came knocking not long after. I was unsure of myself, but I let her in anyway. She said she was there to spend the night with me, a gift from the President himself. I told her at once that she wasn’t obligated, that she didn’t have to stay if she wasn’t truly willing, but she was insistent, putting her hands all over me as she told me that she was tired of fucking old men. I warned her that I wouldn’t be much of a partner, given my inexperience, but she said that was no matter.

“She taught me much that night. All of the ways a man can fuck a woman, what to do with my hands and my mouth… She probably enjoyed the sex more than I did that first night, but I tried my best to please her.”

“I’m sure you did just fine,” you tell your husband, unable to fathom him being a bad fuck. “Did you see her again after that?”

“Yes, but only for the remainder of my stay.”

You pause, hesitant to hear the answer to this next question. “… Did you care for her? Or any of the others?”

Kylo says nothing for a moment, rearranging in his lap so that you two may look at one another a bit better. His face is set, expression serious as he cradles your cheek delicately in his palm. “I always treated my partners with respect, but none of them ever meant anything to me, not really.”

For just a moment there, in the chill of the hangar, you feel safe enough to lay bare one of the soft spots on your heart. “Do I mean something to you?” you whisper, too afraid to ask any louder than that.

“You are my wife,” Kylo replies, caressing your skin. You kiss your husband then, heart bursting at this quiet, almost unspoken admission of his love for you.

The two of you retire to bed not long after that, walking hand in hand back to your quarters. Kylo lets you hold him so tightly that night, falling asleep with his face pressed against your chest. You breathe in the scent of his hair as you nod off, warm and content.

---

Palgodu is just entering its winter months, the air nipping at your exposed face and ears as you walk up the steps of the royal castle. Snow hasn’t fallen yet, thankfully, but you step lightly anyway, not wanting to graze over an icy patch and go tumbling. Kylo is by your side, of course, shrouded in a black as per usual. He keeps you close, probably trying to warm you up himself even though you’re draped in furs and thick fabrics. The two of your take in the great castle before you together, noting the fine stonework and carpentry. It’s a sturdy building, built no doubt to keep warmth in and invaders out. Guards are lined up all along the front of the place, armed to the teeth. They may be there for you and Kylo’s benefit, a welcoming party of sorts, but you doubt it. If your planet just ended a civil war, you’d keep yourself covered on all sides as well.

King Eli awaits you and Kylo as soon as you enter the castle, grinning broadly as he welcomes the both of you to his home. The first thing you notice about the King is his size, for he is tall and wide, made exclusively of thick slabs of muscle. He would be imposing with his full beard and beastly hands, you think, if his demeanor were not so warm.

You and Kylo amble through a corridor just off the castle’s entrance hall, following in the King’s wake. You pass many tapestries along the way, precious pieces of handiwork that seem to depict the history of Palgodu. They turn your head, these works of art, and you find yourself studying them intently until you’re shown into a small receiving room at the end of the hall.

The first thing you feel when you lay eyes on the Queen Eleanor is envy. Before she even so much as speaks, you’re plagued with it, the jealousy you feel so white-hot in your veins that you’re afraid your skin will glow from the heat. She is heavy with child, the Queen, her stomach round and swollen underneath the skirt of her gown. To make matters worse, the bundle of blankets that she clutches to her chest is squirming, confirming that she already has a little one out here in the world as well. And then a young girl dashes out from the corner of the room, giggling as she evades being picked up by her nurse, and you feel as though you might actually burst into tears.

It’s idiotic, you know, to be jealous of a woman simply because she has children, but you can’t help the way your mind rages at the sight of Queen Eleanor and all the bounty of her womb. She has so much of what you want, so much of what you’re worried you’ll never be able to have. Still, it’s impossible to hate her for long— the Queen, like her husband, is just far too kind.

She welcomes you with open arms, beaming as she declares that she feels as if the both of you already know each other. And you sort of do, you suppose, given how much you’ve communicated these past few weeks. Like you, Queen Eleanor handles her regime’s charitable efforts, and you’ve spoken at length over comm about donations and food and a myriad of other subjects. She’s practical and a bit headstrong, passionate about protecting those who rely on her and her husband for help.

“I apologize for not meeting you right when you arrived,” Eleanor says to you. “The baby needed to eat, and Maudie is always so restless when she’s forced to stand still.”

Finally, you snap out of you sad little trance, remembering where you are and what you’re doing. “Oh please, don’t be sorry,” you reply, waving her off with a gesture and a sweet little laugh.

Though your feeling of envy pass quickly, the sudden burst of intense emotion does leave you feeling disoriented. The rest of the afternoon is mostly a blur, and you barely feel like you’re there as you and Kylo dress for dinner. You must put up a good front though, because neither Miriam nor Kylo says anything as about your demeanor as they interact with you.

Dinner consists of a large feast, and you’re grateful for the crowd around the table. There’s much talking and laughing, and you’re able to shrink back into the noise, more content with observing rather than participating tonight. You do feel a bit better though, fortified by your warm meal and a few sips of wine. And of course, Queen Eleanor continues to be a lovely friend, trying to rope you into conversations regarding the upcoming charity gala that the two of you have worked so hard on.

Just as you’re digging into your dessert, however, you feel it, that round, aching pain that most women know all too well. Your good mood evaporates immediately, overtaken by an empty sort of melancholy that’s even more painful than the cramping in your abdomen. Keenly aware of your audience (and the fact that you’re wearing black), you try desperately not to let your emotions show on your face. And stars does that take all you have, the task made even more arduous by the fact that your husband sits beside you. You don’t want him to perceive the shift in your mood, so you must guard your thoughts more closely than ever before.

Mercifully, your mask never slips, your defenses do not fail, and you’re able to excuse yourself from the table with ease. In a surprising turn of events, Kylo actually accepts King Eli’s invitation to play cards, and watching your husband walk away from you is perhaps the biggest relief of all in this moment.

The walk back to your chambers is relatively short, but your limbs are so heavy as you make the journey. Miriam is there waiting for you, but you have no heart to perform for her, stumbling into the ‘fresher with little more than a weary ‘hello’. When you check , your underwear are stained, just as you suspected. And though you already knew what happened the moment you felt your stomach cramp up at the table, this confirmation of your worst fear makes you breakdown completely.

Cleaning yourself up sloppily, you leave the ‘fresher with tears in your eyes, startled to find Miriam there in the doorway when you try to go back to the bedroom. She’s poised to get you whatever you may need, mouth already forming the words, “What can I do for you?” when the two of you lock eyes. You don’t know why you do it, but you collapse into Miriam’s arms right there, offering no explanation for your actions as you dissolve into sobs.

“What’s the matter?” you attendant asks quickly, supporting your weight as you sag against her. Miriam’s hands are on your back, in your hair, rubbing and petting and trying in vain to soothe you.

You draw back from Miriam’s chest, hiccupping pathetically. “I started my period,” you tell her, and the fact that you sound like a distraught twelve-year-old girl is not lost on you in the moment.

Miriam looks confused for a moment, asking, “Did you—?” But then her face dissolves into a look of sympathetic understanding, and she puts her arms around you again. “Oh. Oh, my lady.”

You beg for a bath, unable to do anything else as your attendant holds you close. Miriam does as you ask, letting the hot water run as she unlaces your gown and lets down your hair. Trying to be useful, you take off your jewelry on your own, but even this small task feels insurmountable in the midst of your breakdown.

The heat of your bathwater feels like a warm hug against your skin, but not even this serves to soothe your aching heart. Drawing your knees up to your chest, you curl in on yourself, choking on your own tears and sniffles. Miriam allows you to have a moment, sitting patiently by the bathtub as you settle yourself. Finally, she speaks.

“What’s the matter?” she asks softly, reaching out to stroke your hair again. You don’t brush her off, though your tone is less than charitable.

“I already told you,” you reply curtly, hugging your legs closer.

Miriam maintains her composure, speaking gently. “I know. But I have a feeling that this is about something more than a bit of blood in your underwear, Empress.”

Swallowing thickly, you contemplate whether or not you want to get into all of this right now. But Miriam is your only resource, really, the only older woman in your life that may be able to offer you a bit of advice.

“I just want to be pregnant,” you finally croak, voice raw from crying for so long. Miriam sighs at that, nodding solemnly.

“I know, my lady,” she says companionably, still carding her fingers through your hair. “Has the Supreme Leader said something to you? Gotten angry or expressed his dissatisfaction?”

“No,” you say quickly, moving to sit up now. Your head pounds, clogged with congestion from all your crying. “It’s… it’s the Queen.”

Miriam starts at that, eyes ablaze, her tone indignant. “Queen Eleanor said something to you?”

You can’t help but laugh then, touched by your attendant’s defense of you. “No,” you say, any joy you experienced just now dissipating. “She’s a lovely person, it’s just… It’s just her children. She has so many, and I—”

“And you have none,” Miriam cuts softly, finishing your sentence for you. You nod, chewing on your bottom lip to keep from crying again.

“I just don’t understand it,” you declare, utterly bewildered. Miriam lathers up a rag, washing your body as she listens to you talk. “Kylo and I have sex nearly every night it feels like. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”

“It’s not about what you’re doing,” Miriam soothes, rinsing you with her hands. “Sometimes these things just take time, that’s all.”

You throw a look Miriam’s way, eyebrows raised. “It only takes once.”

Miriam laughs a bit at that, nodding. “Yes,” she concedes, “technically once is enough. But that’s not the case for everyone.”

That makes you sigh, mostly because you know she’s right. Still, you can’t help but feel betrayed by your body, by your womb.

“Have I ever told you about the first woman I ever served?” Miriam asks, redirecting your attention away from your thoughts.

“No.”

“She was a senator’s wife,” your attendant begins, pouring shampoo into her hand now, “and she was desperate to get pregnant from the moment she got married. Like you, though, it didn’t happen for her right away, and she became rather upset. She began doing anything she could to conceive after a few months, drinking these disgusting teas, standing on her head after she and her husband had sex— just all sorts of nonsense. But after a year, she still had no child. Doctors assured her that she wasn’t barren, but of course she thought otherwise.

“After a lot of crying and wasting away in her bed, my mistress decided to just put the whole thing out of her mind. It destroyed her to do so, but she decided that perhaps she wasn’t supposed to be a mother. But do you know what happened after she quit fixating on the idea of getting pregnant?”

“She got pregnant,” you answer, already seeing where Miriam’s going with this story. She nods, confirming that you’re correct.

“That’s right. She went on to have another three children after she had that first baby, and they were all healthy and beautiful.” Miriam hooks her fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at her. “The same way yours will be. But you must relax, Empress. If you fester in this desire to bear a child, the stress will prevent you from getting the very thing you want so badly.”

You want to argue, to say that you aren’t working yourself up into a frenzy about having a baby, but that’s simply not the truth. You think of conceiving each and every time you and Kylo make love, you pray and yearn and hope as you as you wash him off your body. You even dream of it sometimes, giving birth, and not all of the things you see in your head are pleasant.

“Just enjoy being with your husband,” Miriam advises, almost as if she can read your mind. “If you relax and allow yourself to let go when the two of you make love, a baby will come quickly. I promise.”

You desperately want to believe you attendant, but your own anxiety forces you to remain unconvinced. Still, you’re grateful for the reassurance, figuring that everything will be brighter in the morning.

Kylo comes back from his card game not an hour after you get out of the tub, kissing you soundly as he grumbles about drunken aristocrat and a particularly poor hand that came his way during the event. You almost tell him about your little episode but ultimately refrain from doing so, figuring that it’s not worth the trouble. Still, your husband is intuitive as ever, asking you if everything’s all right as the two of you retire to bed.

“I’m just tired, that’s all,” you tell him, more than happy to snuggle down under his arm.

Kylo doesn’t press the matter, though you’re not sure he believes you. But he holds you close anyway, shielding you from the chill of the room.

That night, you dream that you’re running all through the Supremacy, chasing after a small child that giggles and squeals as they continuously evade your grasp. It’s frustrating, for they always seem to be just ahead of you, just around the corner or already running down the next hall over.

Just as you get close enough to grab the back of the child’s shirt, you wake up.

[amazingdriverfics]

Crowned by the devil - ch. 5

Summary: Kylo and Cardo are gone and the time to face the arena has finally arrived.

Warnings: violence

A/N: hope you like it ;)

Previous Chapter  Following Chapter

Your walk to the training facility, on the contrary of what it had been on the other cycles, was quiet, Cardo’s stupid jokes weren’t bothering you and your company was a faceless stormtrooper. The knight must have been embarrassed because of what had happened between you and his master in the previous sessions, you thought to yourself, but you were proved wrong. When you entered the familiar room as the trooper leading you left, you could see no knight, in their places was a blonde, tall, beautiful woman with green eyes dressed in a chromed stormtrooper armor. “You must be y/n. Don’t be shy come in” the woman said in a rigid tone with an unbothered facade on her face, making you comply out of habit, afraid of what might be coming your way. “I’m Captain Phasma, you can call me Phasma. I’ll be the one in charge of your training until the you are sent to the arena now. The Supreme Leader and his knights were sent on an important mission” her cold voice echoed through the room once again. This would be a good thing, you said to yourself, you would miss Cardo and his sense of humor, but staying away from Ren was just what you needed to get him off your head, so you nodded, ready for this change. “We’ll continue with the blaster training” Phasma stated. 

The Captain was the best blaster shooter you had ever seen. You were hardly ever impressed with anyones skills to use the gun, but she surprised you, she made you feel like you had never put your hands in one during your whole life, the reason why she trained troopers was definitely explained. You were also honored to be trained by her, you felt like she was doing what Juney never got a chance to, finishing your training. Her tips were incredibly useful and her criticism was everything Ren’s wasn’t, it was useful. By the end of the first half of your cycle, you were feeling pretty good, the sensations you had when you trained with Juney taking over you once again. 

As you sat on the mat with your lunch in hands, Phasma closed the distance between the two of you. “You do know how to shoot a blaster, you are better than my troopers” she said before sitting by your side. “Thank you, been doing it for a while” you replied shrugging your shoulders. “I don’t think you need to train this anymore, let’s do some hand to hand now” her cold voice back. 

The second half of your training was the most exhaustive one, what you had learned from Cardo and Kylo - what you weren’t ready to admit - made you stronger and more capable. Both you and Phasma didn’t meet the ground once, never losing, always in a violent struggle to get the other one on the mat. On the Captain’s side, she had her height and strength, on yours, there was your speed and the fact that fighting two impossible opponents toughened you. By the end, you were both sweating, your body was aching like it had never before and you were also feeling the most alive you had felt in a while. “This was amazing” you said grabbing a water bottle and sitting. “You really are impressive, I can see exactly why the Supreme Leader has chosen you” the blond woman replied, copying your moves.

“I really don’t, I have nothing in common with those other girls” you shrugged hoping to end the subject. “That’s because he didn’t choose them” Phasma said with a smirk on her face. Her statement confused you, why would Kylo Ren want you to be his Empress when he could have every single woman he wanted on the Galaxy? On the other hand, this also explained his obsession with you, his need and hunger for you and your body. The great amount of thoughts going through your head caused you to stay silent for a while before replying to the woman which kept on smirking. “If not Kylo, who chose them?”.

“Me, Pryde, Mitaka, Hux and his knights. He only had one requisition for participating of this ‘experiment’, as he calls it, you needed to be on it.” Phasma replied, answering your question, but leaving you with a bunch of other ones in its place. Before you could ask some more, she left the room. 

                                                           --    --

The rest of your cycles went pretty much the same, training with Phasma everyday and leaving with a very sore body, trying to get some of you questions answered, but ultimately failing, since the blonde woman always dodged them telling you that Kylo should be the one to answer you. All you were able to find out was that she had chosen Aduke for this, they met in the Imperial Academy when younger and never lost touch, even though they were far from each other since Aduke was a field doctor working with another ship’s troops. 

It wasn’t long before it was time to go to the arena. In the beginning of the cycle, your routine went pretty much the same, you were led to the training center to meet with Phasma. This time, however, the two of you didn’t engage in any sort of physical training, the time was used to learn more about what you would be facing in the following two cycles. The arena would be like a small planet, you would be sent with water and food, nothing else, the weather wouldn’t be a problem, the creators didn’t want for any of you to die from natural conditions, once it wouldn’t prove your capacities. Hidden in some places would be medic supplies and weapons such as knives and blasters, if you could find any of them you would already have an advantage. 

With a shake of hand, Phasma wished you good luck sending you to the next stage of your preparation. You were escorted back to your room where you ate lunch trying to assimilate everything that was told to you, a plan had already formed in your mind, you would find shelter and only after that you would try to find the supplies, but it still wouldn’t be a priority since you weren’t going to be hunting any of the girls. Unlike what you had previously thought, you weren’t nervous, you had survived much worst and you had been killing and fighting for your life for a long time now. 

Shortly after you finished your meal, a stormtrooper arrived delivering you clothes very much like the ones you used for training, a black tank top - with no name -, legging, training boots and a thermal coat, perfect to keep the heat from leaving your body, and commanding you to get ready. You took a hot shower, letting it last a little bit to long since you wouldn’t be able to have one in the next cycles. As soon as you got out, you put the clothes on leaving the coat around your hip, a not against you belly keeping it in place. After gathering your hair and fitting it in a tight ponytail you were out the door ready for whatever was going to happen next. 

                                                         --    --

Kylo was apprehensive, he knew that y/n was capable to survive the experiment without a doubt, but the fact that he hadn’t been able to see, touch and keep up with her training personally in the last few cycles made him anxious. 

When he found out him and his knights would have to go to Naboo in order to end a rebellion, Kylo let the only person he trusted enough to finish his Empress training: Phasma. She was owning him a favor anyway since she used the experiment as an opportunity to bring her lover closer to her. At first, the Captain wasn’t happy with the designed function, but with the pass of cycles her reports of y/n’s training got bigger, the woman was impressed with his girl’s results, she even said that they were perfect for each other - like he didn’t already know that -.

When he was alone in his room after battling all day, Ren’s mind would drift off to their last encounter, the feeling of her soft lips against his, the way his clothed cock rubbed against her covered pussy, the moans escaping y/n’s mouth, the scratches she left on his back and the hickeys he left on her skin. All of those memories went straight to his dick making it instantly hard. He was still considering killing Hux from stopping the moment. 

Kylo missed her very much. 

                                                        --    --

You were brought to the arena in a small ship, the place itself was also located on a ship. With the small backpack hanging on your back filled with the supplies promised by the Order, you entered into the unknown ready to take the next step necessary for you to be back on Tatooine. Looking around, you could see a fake sky with a sunset indicating that you had a small window of time to find safe shelter. Quickly, you decided that the other especial supplies would be dealt with in the morning. The ground wasn’t nothing like you were used to, it was completely covered by green grass, which meant you would have to be careful while walking, as your foot pressed the plants, they made noises and even though they weren’t loud, they were enough for a talented assassin - like you - to hear. From far, you could see what looked like some kind of village partially hidden from your view for trees, perhaps there was where the weapons and medical stuff were, you would be headed there in the morning to check. Of another thing you were sure, if you could see the village, probably the rest of the girls could too, in the following cycle you would have to come up with a good strategy to stay hidden. 

After analyzing the space, you started a slow pace letting your instincts guide you and sharpening your senses. You decided to sleep by the trees, you would use their leaves to cover the grass near you, if anyone came close, the sound would be enough to wake you up. The walk was torturous, by the time you had arrived the intended place, the sun was almost totally gone. Quickly you started to work with your plan, carefully climbing a tree and grabbing a handful of leaves, spreading them on the ground closer to where you planned to sleep, but not far enough to attract any unwanted attention.

When you were finally done, the sun had already set for about 3000 minutes and you finally allowed your body to relax sitting on the ground as you took off you backpack and started to go through the supplies on its inside, planning how much you could eat and drink each day to avoid being without it. It wasn’t long before you were sleepy, putting the bag back on, you laid on the grassy floor using your coat as a pillow. 

                                                       --    --

Kylo was watching his girl sleep beautifully through the screen. He had arrived too late to meet her before she was sent to the arena, but at least he would be able to track her every movement. In fact he could track any of the girls, but he didn’t give a damn about them, except to check how far from y/n they were.

The room filled with screens was also occupied by his knights - watching excited since they had a bet going on about who was going to survive and who wasn’t -, Phasma - whose eyes were at all times in the screen following Aduke -, and Hux who kept bitching about how Kylo should be paying attention to all of the girls not just his new toy. The way he spoke about his Empress set Ren over the edge and it wasn’t long before the General was on the floor, face as red as his hair, catching his breath after being force choked by Kylo.

The dark knight was confident that, despite the situation, y/n would get out of there breathing. She had to. 

                                                      --    --

What woke you up, fortunately, wasn’t the sound of the leaves being destructed with stomps, it was the sunlight able to pass through the trees top. In no time, you went back to a sitting position, placing your coat on the same place it had been before you slept and you had also started to get some food and water for breakfast - a couple of fruits and a third of your first water bottle -. 

Getting up, you quickly gathered the leaves on the floor storing them in your backpack knowing that they could be used for the same purpose again.

After all was done, you started to walk in the same pace you had used in the previous day as you headed to the village, now about half an hour far. Watching the sun, you imagined that it was about 0700 hours, which meant ten had passed, another thirty-eight to go. 

The walk was uneventful and before you took notice, you were standing in front of a bunch of poorly made wood houses - which looked like they would fall if wind was ever to be in touch with their surface -. Aware of the danger you were being in a open space which attracted attention to itself, you were quick to enter in every each one of them hoping to find any of the things promised to be scattered around this arena. Your attempts, however, resulted only in frustration and it wasn’t long before you resumed your walk getting away from the place. 

Walking without destination, you found a small pond in which you decided to stay until the sun was close to set when you would make you way back to the place you had slept. After you spreaded the leaves around you as a safety measure, you sat near the water letting the sounds it made clear your mind and relax you. Lunch passed and you kept unbothered, however when the afternoon started to end, the sound of a foot pressing against leaves made you jump to your feet ready to fight.

Shortly after, a small girl with long hair came to view, Heide you remembered, the one who hanged out with Antje. “Look, I’m not looking for a fight, okay?” you said keeping in mind what you had promised yourself - you wouldn’t kill girls just for the Devil’s entertainment -. As a reply, you got a dry laugh followed by the words “Too bad, cause’ we are”. Before you could process her statement, the woman you had come to hate appeared, her blond hair and green eyes awakening the same rage you had felt the last time you saw her inside of you. “You think you can attack me like a savage animal and leave without consequences?” Antje annoying voice asked. Refusing to answer her, you shrugged ready for what was coming, you had trained for this. The smaller girl charged into you in an attempt to bring you down, but before she could, you escaped her hands watching as her brown hair was completely soaked by the water she felt right into. 

In no time, you closed the distance between you and Antje, your foot meeting her right leg causing the woman to lost balance, taking advantage of it, your hand found its way to her head forcing it to your knee. As soon as your hand let go, the blonde’s body fell to the ground and you turned to deal with Heide who had just got out of the water. She was faster than her company, but it wasn’t long before you pinned her down forcing the woman to eat grass. When you were finally ready to end her, a knife entered your skin right at the end of your ribs making a scream fill the air.