#i am going to shower and then make a nice drink and eat a kiwi and watch er while i get ready and then go on the train and read my book

[abigail]

started my morning by crying so hard for a solid half an hour that i gave myself a headache, happy sunday !

[circethegoblin]

STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

sign up in your local library. its free

[wulfies-kpop-fanfics]

Birthday → Jung Hoseok

↳  Pairing: Hoseok/Reader

↳  Word count: 3,137

↳  Warnings: Major depressive disorder, suicidal thoughts

⁙  Summary: In the midst of one of your worst depression episodes, Hoseok insists on celebrating your birthday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12:00 AM.

So this is it. Another year older, staring at your alarm clock from your bed. Glasses still on at midnight, unable to sleep. Fatigue blanketed you, but the chills of anxiety and dread still managed to burrow their way under.

It had been like this for weeks now. All you could think about was how you were getting nothing done, how you were eating too much and too little, about all of the garbage piling up in your room. You thought about how the dust settled on every surface and you haven't changed your clothes in days, maybe even a couple of weeks. You hadn’t showered, your hair was pushed upwards, more tousled and messy than a normal bedhead because of your ineffective sleeping mask and the oil collecting in your hair due to you avoiding washing it. 

This behaviour disgusted you and made you feel worse than you already did, but you haven’t had the energy to do anything else but cry. You thought that life would get better once you moved away from your parents, but living alone in a small one bedroom one bathroom apartment didn’t help at all. At least your mother cleaned and told you to bathe on a regular basis and your father fed you. Now, everything was piling up and your depression episodes got worse.

Even if your boyfriend and your friends tried to lift you up, you wouldn’t let them in your house on a regular basis. You thought that if they saw what you had been neglecting to do, they would be disgusted and not want to be friends with you anymore. The thought of that made your heart feel heavy. All of you felt heavy, pressed into your mattress, curled up like a ball. You could barely move. You had barely any strength to. 

Helloooooooo! Yes, sir, I’m one of a kind! 

It’s your ringtone again. You snap out of looking at your clock, slowly moving your hand to the desk next to your bed and reach through the sea of dirty dishes in order to grab your phone, squinting at the brightness as you turn it on. You unlock your phone to see a text from your boyfriend. This late? Shouldn’t he be in bed? 

Hobi: Happy birthday, (Y/N)!

(Y/N): Thanks, Hobi… shouldn’t you be in bed? 

Hobi: I’m too excited! I couldn’t sleep knowing that your birthday was in a few minutes! Besides, I had to stay late at the studio.

(Y/N): Oh… you’re not overworking yourself again, are you? 

Hobi: No, of course not. You made me promise, remember? 

(Y/N): I didn’t think you took it seriously.

Hobi:  Why would I not?

(Y/N): I don’t know…

Hobi:  Hey, are you okay? 

(Y/N): Do you want me to tell the truth or say what will make you go to bed? I don’t want you to be tired tomorrow. You’ll get exhausted faster at dance practice.

Hobi: Who said I was going to dance practice tomorrow??? None of us are going, it’s a Saturday! 

(Y/N): But… you always are at the studio on Saturdays. 

Hobi: Sorry, what I meant to say, it’s your birthday! 

(Y/N): That shouldn’t stop you from working. That’s more important than me. 

Hobi: (Y/N).... stop saying that. You’re more important than you know. 

(Y/N): … I doubt it. What’s the point of even celebrating my birthday? I’m going to die anyway and all of it will be wasted…

Hobi: But you always plan a big day and bake a cake by yourself for mine. 

(Y/N): That’s different because you’re actually worth it. 

A few minutes have passed since your last text was sent. No reply. 

More tears spring from your eyes involuntarily. Hoseok’s abandoned you, and that’s all that flooded your head. He doesn’t care. You knew it, you knew that he didn’t care and now he’s proven it and you should just continue to lie in your bed, hoping to die by the time the sun came up. Everyone hates you, nobody cared, and nobody wanted to help a lost cause. 

You rolled over, thinking about what position would be the best to die in. On your stomach? Maybe. On your side? That hurts your hip too much. On your back? You lean back too much on your neck. You sigh, stomach it is. 

There you lay, on your own, wallowing in guilt, garbage and anything else negative you could think of on the day that you used to count down to when you were younger. Now, you could barely get out of bed. You could barely eat or drink water. You were useless. Those thoughts spawned your usual tears, staining their usual tracks against your cheekbones to the dirty pillow beneath you. 

You were startled into a small yelp as you heard a knock that came from the front door. Probably the drunk partiers next door playing a prank on you. You ignored it, there was no sense in worrying about them now. You turned your head over, adjusting your position a little bit, only to be startled again by the door opening and shutting. 

Oh? So it seems like someone was here to kill you now. 

Nice. 

“(Y/N)?” That wasn’t the voice of a serial killer. 

“(Y/N)? Are you still awake?” The voice came closer and closer to your bedroom. You couldn’t muster the strength to move from your position, to even say a word in protest to the person entering your bedroom. The door clicked and opened, a cold rush of air following it. 

“Jesus,” you heard the person comment with mild disgust as your bedroom light was flipped on, causing you to groan at the assault on your eyes. “(Y/N), you should have told me.” The tone was softer this time.

Your throat convulses painfully as you gather all your energy to speak, “I’m sorry,” you mumble, still not moving as you heard a bag drop to the floor, your boyfriend approaching you through the rustling piles of garbage to sit on the edge of your bed. 

“Come on, let’s get you into a bath.” 

“No,” you protest.��

“Why not?” He asks. 

“Because I don’t deserve it,” you explain. “Because I’m useless and worthless and I don’t deserve to live anymore. Just let me get sick and die.” 

“(Y/N), you know I can’t let you do that,” he says reassuringly, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “Your episodes always end and you always feel a little better once we clean you up a bit. Please, will you at least soak a little?” 

“Hobi-” 

“I promise you can go to bed when we’re done,” he says, and that finally makes you adjust the position of your head to look at him. His nose was briefly wrinkled, probably at the smell, but he still smiled at you. “How about it?” 

“Fine,” you whisper. You still, however, stay still. You can barely muster the energy to speak, let alone move. Hoseok takes note of this and gently takes a hold of you, slowly flipping you onto your back so he can peel back the sweaty covers of your bed and lift you up. Soon you’re in his arms, him bringing you out of the room and into your bathroom. 

“Okay, operation birthday is a go!” He announces into the dark hallway. From the wall hiding your living room came six figures walking through the darkness, their faces soon illuminated by the light of your bedroom and bathroom, all smiling and waving at you as they went by. All of your friends: Hoseok’s roommates and group mates. They all trailed into your bedroom, carrying garbage bags, cleaning supplies, and it looked as if Jungkook was hauling in a new set of bedsheets, Jimin following close behind with a neatly folded comforter.

You were set down to sit on the edge of your bathtub, it already on it was a warm and folded towel, as Hoseok moved to close the door. He approached you, kneeling down and smiling at you. 

“Ready for a bath? I bought the bath bombs you like. Strawberry kiwi.” He waited for your nod and a meek ‘yes’ before he began to undress you- sliding off your grimy “BTS” printed t-shirt, tossing it into the little hamper sitting by the door. You were able to stand for a few seconds as he slid down your pants and underwear as well. You sat back down on the warm towel as Hoseok started the bath, feeling the water.

“Is that too hot? Feel it,” he offers, taking your hand and letting you feel the stream of water, waiting patiently for your approval. 

“It’s not too hot, it’s okay,” you tell him. “Why are you doing this?” You ask. You felt your eyes sting with more tears. What have you ever done to deserve this treatment? 

“Because I love you, silly. No matter how many times you fall into the pit, I’ll be there with a ladder and a flashlight to help you back out. You may not think you deserve it, but you do.” 

You hiccup, tears once more spilling out on your face. “I… I love you too, Hobi.” Out of the weeks that you weren’t able to take care of yourself, you were finally able to crack a smile. 

“There’s my beautiful girl’s smile,” Hoseok chimes with a bright smile, leaning forward to peck your lips gently. “I think the mat is warm enough now. We’ll wash your hair first.” Hoseok scoots a little closer to you, standing up to help you move into the bathtub. Your legs are bent a little bit as you’re a bit too tall for the short tub, but the warm water sliding over your feet is relaxing, to say the least. Your bum is sitting nicely on the plastic mat Hoseok bought you during your last episode, and you look up at him.

Hoseok slips off your glasses, quickly placing them on the counter area holding the sink. “Where did you put your water jug?” He asked. 

“Middle cupboard.” 

With a nod, Hoseok retrieves a plastic jug from the cupboard under your sink and the bottle of citrus shampoo from the counter. He then rolls up his sleeves and kneels down in front of the tub again, you watching him closely as he fills the jug up with water. 

“Ready?” He asks, waiting for another nod from you before gently pouring the water over your head, The feeling of the water cascading down your face strangely unfamiliar and familiar at the same time. You thought that Hoseok would have scolded you more, would have been more disappointed in you because of the state you were in, but it put you at ease to know that he cared enough to help. More water poured over your head and you hummed at the feeling. 

“Better?” He asks, running his fingers through your hair to make sure it was sufficiently wet.

“Yeah,” you admit, humming with bliss as his fingers massage your scalp. “You’re not grossed out?” You ask timidly. 

“No, of course not. Besides, this isn’t my first rodeo,” he replies with a chuckle. “This might be a little cold.” His fingers leave your hair for a moment, to your disappointment. You bring up a hand to get the strands of hair away from your eyes, watching as Hoseok took the bottle of shampoo and squeezed some of the gel onto his hands. He’s smiling as he returns his hands to your hair, gently lathering soap in. 

“Not too cold?” He asks. 

“No, it’s ok. Can you go a bit slower, please?” You request, biting your lip, closing your eyes to avoid getting soap in them. 

“Of course, anything for you, princess.” His movements slow just a bit, allowing yourself to smile more. “Good?” 

“Yeah. Good.” 

Sooner than you’d like, Hoseok is finished washing your hair and fills the jug with water again, rinsing your hair of soap. It felt so much better to have your hair clean, to have it sit properly on your head and to have it swept behind your forehead as Hoseok crudely styled it. When you open your eyes, Hoseok is still smiling down at you charmingly.

Hoseok then put in the drain plug and allowed the tub to fill up. “We’ll wash your face next.” 

“Okay… um…” 

“Hmm?” He hums, raising his eyebrows questioningly. 

“When are we going to put the bath bomb in?” You ask, somewhat cheekily. 

“Hey, it’s a little early in the game to be impatient,” he responds with a grin. “We’ve gotta wait until the water’s at least at your belly button,” he says, promptly poking your tummy gently, causing you to giggle. 

~

Once you were all clean, comfortable and warm, the delicate perfume of the bath bomb replaced that of the three weeks of unwashed grime. You sat and enjoyed the warmth for a while, but then your bath was over. Hoseok pulled the plug and water began draining from the tub. He turned on the tap to fill the jug and rinse you off, making sure that any excess soap had been removed from your body. 

“Ready to get out?” He asked, you nodding slowly. “Can you stand up by yourself or would you like some help?” 

“Can I have some help, please?” You ask, reaching your arms up. 

“Of course, baby.” He stood up, gently taking your hands and pulling you upwards, gracefully switching one of his hands from yours to wrap around your body and keep you steady. He helped you step out, sitting you back down on the towel at the edge of the tub. He made sure you were balanced before grabbing the hooded duck towel you kept on the little hook attached to your bathroom door, wrapping it around your head to begin drying you. 

“How do you feel?” He asked, gently drying your hair. “It wasn’t so bad, was it?” 

“No,” you admit. “Thank you.” 

“Like I said, anything for my princess (Y/N).” 

Occasionally, as Hoseok was drying your hair, he would lift up the front of the towel to look at you and press a quick kiss to your lips, your nose, or your forehead. Anything to make you smile. When he was finished with your hair, he moved to gently dry your body. He would continue to beam at you, make his funny faces and sing for you. 

In these moments, as Hoseok is taking care of you and making sure you smile, is when you actually felt truly happy. Hoseok returned your glasses to the bridge of your nose, you sighed in slight relief that you could see clearly again. He gently ran a comb through your hair until it was styled the way you wanted it, placing another kiss on your forehead.

“Ready to put your pyjamas on?” Hoseok asked, hanging the duck towel back up on the hook. 

“I don’t have any clean ones,” you say dejectedly. “That shirt I had on before was the last of my clean laundry.” 

Hoseok only winked at you. “What day is it?” 

“It’s (B/D), I think,” 

He nodded, “Yep, it’s (B/D), and what do we give on someone’s birthday?” 

“Presents?” 

“Ding! Right again! Sit tight for a second, ok?” Hoseok quickly left the room and returned with the bag he brought in with him. From the bag, he pulled out a soft and new (F/C) onesie, one that even had the little booties attached to it. He also took out a pair of soft brief boxers, the underwear you preferred to have.

“Where did you get that?” You ask wistfully, admiring the onesie as Hoseok spread it out on the floor, instead, grabbing the underwear to help you put them on first. 

“I have my ways,” he says cheekily, getting you to lift up your bottom as he slides on your underwear. “I know how much you’ve wanted a onesie, so hopefully you like it.” 

“I already do,” you smile in contentment.

Once you were dressed and the zipper of your onesie zipped up the front, you felt so much better than you had in the past three weeks.

“Are you going to stay over?” You ask, hoping that the answer was yes. You grasped the edge of your tub and smiled triumphantly as you helped yourself stand up.

“Of course. I wouldn’t leave you, especially not today. Are you ready to go back to bed?” Hoseok gently took your hand, leading you to open the door to the bathroom. He smiled in the satisfaction that you could now walk on your own.

“Yeah, I am, but…” 

“But what?” 

“My room is a mess… more than a mess, it’s… a dump. You saw it yourself.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. Come on,” Hoseok led you back through the small hallway, back to your room, where the overhead light was still shining through the bottom of your door. He opened it, revealing all six of your friends and a completely (mostly) spotless room. It even smelled like a habitable environment, nothing like it had an hour ago.

“Happy birthday,” Namjoon declared softly as the two of you entered the room, everyone dressed in pajamas, night bags piled up against the wall, the free space of your room containing a hefty wad of sleeping bags, blankets and pillows, formed in some sort of a nest topped with eight more pillows and a giant quilt that you had forgotten that was formerly living in your closet. Your bed was clean, made up in a new set of sheets, even including a new comforter and pillowcase.

“We thought that we could all have a giant sleepover to make sure you’re okay,” Taehyung explains as he gestures to the wad of bedding on your floor. “If you’ll accept?” 

“Of course,” you say, a smile spreading across your face as all the boys beamed at you. “I love you all so much, thank you…” you did your best to sniffle away your tears of happiness. You had done enough crying for today. 

“You know that we will always love you, too, (Y/N), no matter how bad things get,” Jimin smiled warmly at you, all of the boys nodding in agreement.

It didn’t take very long for all of you to settle down and sleep, turning the lights off and retreating into the makeshift giant bed the boys made for you. All of you were practically glued to one another in an eight-person cuddle pile, and you slept peacefully for the first time in weeks, your friends and the love of your life surrounding you, loving you. 

You could never ask for a better birthday.

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XXX. T la sudo

A/N: Everything will come for those patient enough to wait. (My abuela’s words, not mine.)

BLUE’S POV

Unbelievable. He’s still asleep. Is it possible that this is his longest night of sleep? Would he remember what he said last night? Was he hallucinating? He fell asleep right after. I remember when he told me I had recited Roy McBride’s lines on my sleep and I didn’t remember any of it the morning after. Will it be the same for him?

I have barely slept and as much as he has had trouble sleeping any other night, last night he peacefully slept through the entire night. Every time I’d wake up and look at him, there he was, peaceful, calm and vulnerable and in contrast I was tachycardic.

Harry’s phone screen illuminates with Hampstead name. I sigh. I’m about to pick up and tell them to fuck off and learn to solve their problems by themselves but I know that would be too much. But, come on, Hampstead, it’s Saturday morning and he’s asleep. Thank God it’s on silent mode.

He put it on silent mode! So if someone had called with an “emergency” last night, he wouldn’t have picked up because he was with me. Aw, I’m so proud of him! I want to kiss him until he wakes up and the suck him off to begin his day.

When the call ends, the missed call text pops up on his screen and only then I see the photo he’s got as his wallpaper. That’s me. My pulse accelerates. I don’t want to take his phone but that’s me. It’s a photo from his sister’s wedding and it’s taken from behind me when we were standing under the flower arch greeting the guests. He couldn’t have possibly taken it for he was right next to me but maybe the photographer did and he liked it. Hampstead texts him and the messages pop up on the screen.

Hampstead: Hey, I was just calling to remind you I still have the tickets for Kings of Leon tonight if you want to come!

I don’t want to read his messages. I know that’s terrible. But they’re right there… And they keep popping. I didn’t know Hampstead and him were friends. He’s never mentioned them.

Hampstead: Last week was fun!

Last week was fun? I hope he’s talking about the congress. But a congress, fun? I mean it can be interesting, it can even be thrilling… But fun?

Wait, what is going on with me? I’m not like this. What do I care what Harry talks about with his friends? Even though he’s never mentioned them… But what do I care he’s never mentioned them? Maybe they’re not that close and that’s why he has never said anything. But then, why would they invite him to a concert?

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m looking for Hampstead on Facebook. The only Hampstead I have friends in common with- those being Mario Matteoti and Harry Styles- is a girl, is a very beautiful girl. Sarah Hampstead. She’s blond and her hair is long like mine but straight. She wears it in a braid in most of the pictures and looks like Rapunzel. She’s a first year residence in Anaesthesiology at Grad hospital. The last picture she posted is a selfie with Harry. They’re smiling at the camera having a drink at some restaurant or hotel and she’s wearing her hair on a braid over her shoulder. It’s from last Tuesday when Harry was supposed to be at the congress.

My heart stops. I hate this. I hate that I’m doing this in the first place and I also hate that I’m feeling so threatened but I remember the fights I’ve had with Harry over her calls and how he walked away from me to take her call when we were at Marie’s house.

I don’t want to think this of him but… Why did he never tell me about her? And why does she think it’s okay to call him at those ungodly hours? And why does he always pick up? And why the fuck is she inviting him to a concert?

Last week was fun. Yeah, that drink they had looked like fun and they looked like they were having a good time on that stupid selfie. The congress. It’s impossible, I know it is, but what if the congress wasn’t a congress at all? I need to stop.

I get up from the bed and don’t know what to do. Do I shower without telling Harry? I mean I know he told me not to ask him if I could shower again… But it’s still his house. Well, fuck it, I need to get rid of the dirty feeling of having spied on him and then doubt him. But what if it’s true? Ugh, stop!

I can’t get their stupid selfie out of my head while I shower. Why the fuck did he never tell me about her if they’re colleagues? There’s a voice inside me that tells me he might have done it precisely to avoid this irrational reaction but fuck it. That’s not an excuse. I’m only reacting this way because he hid this from me. Why would he not tell me?

I guess I’ve acted jealous before, with Camille and that dinner of theirs… But I think when he explained it to me I took it nicely and I showed him I could be rational… Plus, does that give him the excuse to just hide things from me?

Last night he told me he loved me. I gotta focus on that. This Sarah Hampstead can text him all she wants, he loves me. He said it last night.

I forgot my clothes on my overnight bag so I make my way outside the bathroom wrapped in a towel and try not to make much noise but the moment I open the door I realize Harry’s not on the bed. I put on clean underwear and my clothes for the day and find him in the kitchen.

He’s wearing thick grey sweatpants and a white cotton long sleeve shirt and looks so cosy my frustration leaves my body through my pores. He grins when he tilts his neck and looks at me.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

He keeps making breakfast. What is he doing? Is there no good morning kiss?

“I’m feeling like fruit and yoghurt. What do you want?”

“Fruit and yoghurt sounds good.”

“Guay.” He smiles.

Alright, so this is what we’re doing. Then I’m starting the conversation.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Very much so.” He smiles but his green eyes signal for me to have a seat. “And you?”

I nod.

“Take a seat, love.” He chuckles.

I walk towards my usual stool on his breakfast bar and sit down in front of him. I add some sugar to the coffee he gently prepared for me but my eyes don’t leave him. He frowns as he munches on his apple.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Okay, he doesn’t remember what he said last night. That or he’s messing with me. Or worse, he regrets it.

“Do you remember how you fell asleep?”

“With my eyes closed.”

“So you don’t.”

“You also asked me to help you put the cover over us” he says “and I did.”

“Right.”

I took a spoonful of yoghurt with pieces of kiwi and apple and fill my mouth. Either he doesn’t remember or he regrets saying it and now it’s playing dumb. Maybe the sex was so good he got confused or maybe I dreamt it. I guess it’s okay if I fell first… Even though maybe he doesn’t fall at all.

“What do you wanna do today?” He asks.

I look up at him and search for the lie on his green eyes. Did he not check his phone or does he not want to go to the Kings of Leon concert?

“What’s going on with you today? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I might have plans.”

“What do you mean you might? Do you or do you not?”

“I mean I might spend the day with my mum.”

“Oh, okay.”

We eat in silence. I might spend the day with my mum for real. I’m planning on going to my dad’s next week during the uni break to study for the finals so it’d be good to spend some quality time with my mum before I leave.

“I’m sure you can find something to do.”

He looks into my eyes.

“Alright, what is it?”

“What’s what?”

“Why are you mad?”

“I’m not mad.”

He sighs but his eyes don’t leave me.

“I just mean that you can… Go out with some friends or friend, if you want, and that’s fine.”

“I know it’s fine. Are you worried that I’m going to stay here crying if you leave or what? I can call Adam if that’d make you happy.”

“He’s got plans with Marie.”

“Right.” He has a sip of his coffee. “Well, it’s a good thing I don’t need a babysitter.”

“You could do something with another friend.”

“Yes, I could.”

“Guay.” I shrug.

He narrows his eyes at me.

“All I meant is I understand that people want you around, that they appreciate your presence, you know? It’s nice.”

“Why?”

I look up into his eyes again. His hands are intertwined before him as if he was waiting for my answer.

“Because you’re fun and a good person and a good friend. I think it makes sense that people from your environment want you around.”

“Is that what you think?”

I nod.

“Why?”

“I’ve told you. To me, being with you is… easy and nice.”

“Why?”

Again? He sounds like a three-years-old. I don’t know what he wants me to tell him.

“I guess because of the way you treat me. You’re gentle and caring and kind…”

He lets go of his own hands and covers his mouth with one of them but his eyes give him away. He’s trying to hide a smile. I don’t think I’m saying anything funny. He shuts his eyes and when he opens them, he takes his hand off his face and looks at me with affection and amusement.

“Am I your second boyfriend?” He asks.

My blood freezes on my veins. Please, God, don’t let him ask me about Dylan.

“No.”

He raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“What does it matter?”

“I’m just trying to understand something.”

“Third.”

He nods.

“What happened with the second?”

Thank, God. At least he knows Dylan is not a light conversation. I look down. I have never really told him about Javier and I don’t think I want to.

“He wasn’t a good guy.”

I see concern flashing on his eyes.

“What does that mean?”

What a silly guy.

“Did he hurt you?”

I look away from him and his hand rests over mine. He understood I don’t want to talk about him.

“I’m sorry, Blue. How old were you?”

“20.”

He nods.

“What about sex?”

“What about it?”

He rolls his eyes but smiles.

“Have you slept with many people before me?”

“Less than you, that’s for sure.”

His jaw clenches slightly but he doesn’t take his hand away from mine. Come on, Blue, remember you did not want to be harsh to him.

“Three.”

Harry’s eyebrows raise and his neck moves forward. He’s so silly, he’s making me embarrassed.

“Just us three?”

“Yes, is there a problem?”

“No, baby, three is fine.” His thumb caresses the back of my hand. “So I was the first guy you had casual sex with?”

“Yes.”

He hums.

“Are you done with your interrogation?”

“Yes.” He nods. “And, baby, whatever the second guy did to you, he’s crazy because you have to be insane to let you go.”

“It’s not easy to be with me.”

“Oh, I know.”

“No, you don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

I stop myself from shivering. Can I tell him? Can I fully ruin the morning by telling him I was in love when Dylan died and that’s not going to change? Because then he will feel like I’m only with him because Dylan is not here and that’s mostly true and then he’d leave me because he must know he deserves better.

“I…. I….” I love you, but Dylan will always have a place in my heart. “I can be very harsh.”

He smirks but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I know that.” He tilts his neck. “But when you’re not, you’re funny and smart and unique. You’re lovely here” he taps my forehead with his index finger “here” he taps my heart “and your whole body is fucking lovely too, baby. Just own it.”

“Do you really think that?”

“I don’t think that, I know so and it’s a little sad that it takes a random guy like me to tell you for you to see that.”

“You’re not a random guy.”

He smiles.

“Well, have fun with your mum today then. Next week-” He starts but I cut him short.

“I’m going to my dad’s next week.”

His expression changes and he uses the napkin to clean his mouth but he did it mindlessly for his mouth was already cleaned. That has me thinking.

“But what happens next week?”

“No, nothing.” He smirks.

I give him a look letting him know I am not buying it and he clears his throat.

“It’s just… I knew you were on holidays and I had some days off that I haven’t taken because of my addiction to work” he jokes “so I thought in order to show you that we are making progress and also to spend some time together, I could take some days off next week and… We could do something. But it’s okay, you’re going to visit your dad and I should have probably told you sooner.”

My heart swoons. He used his days off for me. He might not remember what he said last night or he might even want to take it back but this is what someone who really does love spending time with me would do. The next thing I say, I say it in a frenzy, in a love rage, even before I can process it.

“Come with me.”

His green eyes set on me as he considers my invitation. I feel embarrassment flooding my cheeks and my neck.

“To Capitol?”

“Yes, have you ever been?”

“I have not.”

I could have guess it.

“So you’ve travelled all around and you’ve never been to one of the most beautiful cities in the country?”

He smirks.

“Well, I should decide whether that’s true, don’t you think?”

“So you’re coming?”

He weights his options looking at me but suddenly his expression falls into one of disbelief.

“Don’t invite me out of pity, Blue.”

I frown and my eyes narrow. Is that really what he thinks of me?

“I didn’t invite you out of pity. I invited you because I want to spend those days with you. I’m so happy you finally decided to get holidays like the rest of people and the fact that you wanna spend them with me only makes my heart flutter so are you coming?”

My confession makes him smile again and I smile foolishly back at him. The way his dimple forms on his left cheek even before his teeth are shown sweetens my mood and my blood.

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“What are you gonna tell your dad?”

“The truth. I don’t lie.”

He hums as he tilts his neck and raises an eyebrow, calling my statement into question and I shake my head weirdly amused.

“I got a train ticket for Wednesday morning, do I get another one? Or do I cancel mine and you drive us? It’s a little less than 4 hours away.”

He’s going to say yes, I can tell, I can see it on his face; how is eyes have a sparkle about them and his smile reaches them. He’s loving this. His expressions always give him away. He’s an opened book.

“I don’t mind. We can drive.”

We both grin.

We decide to spend the morning together before I go have lunch with my mum. I might invite him to that as well. Mum might get jealous if she knows Harry’s gonna be spending a few days at dad’s and she only got a dinner. Harry’s on his closest, picking his clothes for the day I guess when I call my dad.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hey, Berry. What’s up?”

“Hi, I was just calling to ask you… Would you mind if I bring someone along on Wednesday?”

“Not at all, honey. Is Jason coming back?”

“No, it’s not Jason.”

“Ollie then? Marie?”

“No, it’s a… It’s a guy.”

“Oh!” I shake my head at how thrilled my dad sounds and the way Harry looks at my with a side smirk. “A guy! That’s great, Berry. Is he a special guy?”

“Yes, dad, he is. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend.” He repeats.

“Yeah, okay, so you’re gonna pretend you didn’t figure that out after the wedding photos I sent you. You don’t go to a wedding with just anyone, dad.”

As Harry makes his way to the bathroom, he walks past me and slaps my ass cheek loud enough so that my dad can hear it and I jump.

“What was that, honey?”

“Uh… It was just… Uh… My notes. That fell. On the floor. Because I’m tidying up.”

Harry looks at me and silently chuckles and I shake my head and swat his arm playfully whilst he walks to the bathroom.

“Oh, okay, darling. Well, thanks for calling and don’t worry about anything, I’ll make sure everything’s ready. Why don’t you text me what food he likes so I keep that in mind when doing the groceries?”

“Well, he’s not picky, dad. I think he’d eat anything.”

“Good then I’ll cook my special rice. I can’t wait to see you!”

“Me neither.” I chuckle. “Bye, dad, love you.”

“Bye, Berry, love you too.”

While Harry’s in the shower, I pick up my clothes from last night and kept them on my overnight bag and make his bed. I try not to think about how crazy we both are. Last night he told me he loved me and this morning I found out that Hampstead is a girl and he acted like he didn’t say anything last night and interrogated me and then I invited him along to my dad’s. In Capitol. Where I met Dylan.

I think I’m going to faint.

I go on The Golden Girls group chat searching for counselling.

Indie: Are you guys awake????

Jason: Yes, everything okay?

Ollie: Awake and ready to listen.

I guess Marie’s busy. Well, these two would do.

Indie: Hampstead is a girl.

Jason: Who the fuck is Hampstead?

Ollie: She’s an anaesthesiologist who works with Mario and Harry.

Indie: Has Mario ever mentioned her to you?

Ollie: I don’t know. I guess he might have.

Jason: What happened with her???

Indie: I know this is bad guys

Indie: But this morning when I woke up she had texted Harry

Indie: And I didn’t purposefully read his texts but they just pop on his lock screen and I couldn’t help it

Indie: I mean I read them unintentionally

Jason: Just stop excusing yourself and tell us what happened

Indie: She invited him to a concert tonight

Indie: And she said “last week was fun!”

Ollie: Wasn’t Harry on that congress thing?

Jason: Shit

Ollie: Stop it. Don’t listen to JJ, he’s a jealous freak.

Ollie’s typing… And I try not to freak out at Jason’s assumption. She is right. Jason is the jealous type. That’s why I need Ollie’s point of view.

Ollie: I mean they work together. Probably they just went to the congress together too. It’s normal.

Jason: Yeah but why the fuck would she text him that it was fun on a Saturday morning? Like days after? She clearly was trying to initiate a conversation.

Ollie: Who cares about her intentions?

Indie: The thing is Harry’s never mentioned her to me

Indie: And he always picks up her calls even when she calls at like 11 pm on a Friday or worse like on AM on Saturday morning like what the fuck?

Indie: And we have even fought over her calls and he’s picked up.

Ollie’s typing… Jason’s typing…

Jason: I just searched her on Facebook. You’re prettier.

I smile at his attempt.

Ollie: Talk to him.

It’s Ollie’s words that have me thinking. Talk to him. So she thinks there’s something to talk about. And Ollie’s laidback and she is not one bit jealous but she also found it weird. Shit.

Harry’s phone rings and my eyes inevitably search the screen. It’s from the hospital.

“Baby!” Harry yells from the bathroom. “Can you see who’s calling?”

“It’s from the hospital.” I let him know.

“Fuck” the shower stops “can you pick up and tell them to hold on a sec?”

“Sure.”

I pick up the call and bring his phone to my ear.

“Hi, Harry will be with you in a second. He asked me to tell you to please hold on.”

“Uh…” A female voice answers. “Excuse me, who are you?”

“I’m…” I cover the microphone with my hand and talk to Harry “she asked me who I am.”

“Well, tell her.” He laughs. “Who is she?”

“I’m his girlfriend. He asks who are you?”

“His girlfriend?” She sounds surprised. “Oh, I… I didn’t know he…”

“He’s here.” I cut her short.

Harry is smiling when he brings the phone to his ear.

“Hi, sorry, I was in the shower.” He listens. “Oh, hi, Hampstead. What’s up?” He listens.

So Hampstead. What a surprise! And she didn’t know he had a girlfriend, of course.

“Uh… I think that was Danny. I didn’t work yesterday so I am not sure. You should probably ask him. I think he’s on call so send a message to his pager.” He nods as if Hampstead could see him. “Yeah, no problem. Bye, Hampstead. Have a nice day.”

I scroll senseless shit on Twitter so I don’t snap at him. I need to calm down. I need to control this fucking oppressive feeling on my chest but my mind is racing.

Why did he not tell me about her? I think they must be friends or at least friendly if she thinks it’s okay to call him when he’s off duty, especially when freaking professor Gibbins is on call and is the one signing that patients’ paperwork. And he even gives explanations on why he doesn’t pick up on the first tone when he’s off duty. I was in the shower… What do you care?

And why did he not tell her about me? I mean, even Jason could tell her intentions with a single text. I’m guessing it’s a lot more obvious on a day to day basis… And Harry didn’t catch up with that? Why did he never just casually mention he had a girlfriend? He doesn’t even have to tell her about me, just about the roll. Just to have her know that there’s someone sleeping in his bed already.

We haven’t talked much on our stroll along the park behind his apartment. It’s a nice park, with lots of green and trees and wide white stones path for people to stroll like us, or go for a run or walk the dogs. We’ve past some families too. Dads and Mums playing with their children on the grass and I’ve seen Harry staring at them with a hard expression.

I don’t know what’s going on through his mind but he seems to be as pensive as I am. Maybe he’s thinking about Hampstead too.

“Uh, I did tell doctor Hampstead I’m your girlfriend” I say out of the blue “just so you know.”

He tilts his neck to look at me with a confused expression.

“You did?”

“Yeah.” I frown too. “I mean I did tell you she asked me who I was and you said to tell her.”

“Yeah, no, I know what I said.”

I hum and look away.

“Wait, is that what you’ve been thinking about?”

I look at him.

“Is it not what you’ve been thinking about?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Hampstead called in the morning, she had a doubt about a patient I couldn’t answer and then I hang up. That’s all the thought I’ve given it.” He chuckles.

“She could have called Professor Gibbins… Specially if he was on call… And still she called you.”

Harry frowns as if he wasn’t following me. I sigh.

“She sounded surprised when I let her know I was your girlfriend.”

“Are you serious?” His tone sounds surprised at the realization.

Calm down, Indie. Don’t talk to him in a way you’ll regret, don’t talk in a way you’ll regret. I count to tent in my head. 1, 2, 3, 4…

“Are you jealous?”

I take a deep breath. 1, 2, 3, 4…

“Blue, talk to me.”

“I’m counting to ten.”

“Are you really that mad?”

“I’m not mad.” I stop him right there. “I just feel stupid.”

“Why?”

“Because”

I’m about to tell him last night he said he loved me and… For a second I thought it was true because I love him too but then… This fucking whole Hampstead thing, I just… I am embarrassed that I am more invested in this than he is and I don’t want him to know that.

“Listen, you just never mentioned her despite all the times you’ve talked to me about work and she calls you at very weird times to be work related and… I mean she’s… Pretty.”

“How do you know that?”

He’s not denying it. Sometimes his sincerity is too much. I guess it would have raged me if he had denied it but knowing he thinks she’s pretty doesn’t help my jealous fit.

“That’s what matters? Of everything I said.”

“It kind of does.” He tilts his neck.

“I saw her.” I lie. “On Facebook.” I decide not to.

“When?”

“This morning.” Later on, I will analyse this and realize I’m getting defensive but for now all I feel is my shoulders tensing up and my honour being harmed. “And I saw a picture of you two together having a drink on Tuesday night when you were supposed to be on that congress.”

“Supposed to be?” His eyebrows raised on his forehead. “Excuse me but can I not have a drink with whoever the fuck I want?”

“Yes, of course, that’s not what I’m saying!”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’ve kept this from me for no reason. I mean why didn’t you tell me?”

“So you think just because I didn’t tell you that means I- what? Cheated on you?”

I don’t answer him and his lips part.

“I can’t believe you.” He sighs. “The only reason I didn’t tell her about you is the same reason why I don’t tell anyone at work about you and it’s because you don’t want me to.”

My mouth shuts and my lips purse on a thin line.

“She’s a colleague, just like any other person working with me and I haven’t told you about her because well, there’s not much to tell. She’s just a first year Anaesthesia resident and she’s a bit lost likewise I was when I was a first-year resident and likewise you will be when you are on your first year of residency. So I remember what it was like to be scared, not to know what to do and… She reminded me of you and…  That’s why I help her.”  

My brain is working a mile per hour and it’s hard for me to catch any thought with how fast they just pass and go.

“So what you’re saying is I have no reason to be jealous.”

“Of course, you don’t.”

“Okay, then why didn’t you tell me that she invited you to a Kings of Leon’s concert tonight?”

Every sign of frustration is removed from his expression and instead he looks at me stern but expressionless or at least I don’t know how to read this.

“You read my texts?”

I shut my eyes.

“I didn’t purposefully read them, they just pop in your screen and don’t give me that because we both know you’ve stuck your nose on my texts before.”

“I have never gone through your phone.”

“Oh, no, I know, I wouldn’t be here if you had.”

“But you get to do it?”

“I didn’t! I didn’t even pick it up! It was just there! And it popped, I couldn’t.. I mean I had just woken up, I truly read them without thinking, I would never purposefully go through your phone.”

“Okay, okay” His hands move in the air to stop my rambling. I think he believes me. “And the fact that I don’t even have my messages hidden, doesn’t make you think that I have nothing to hide? I mean I could have them and, by the way, that would be perfectly legit and wouldn’t even mean anything but you’re saying it- they were right there. It’s not a secret.”

“Then why are you not going?” I challenge him. “Kings of Leon are awesome.”

“Would you like it if I went?” He challenges me back.

“This is not about what I want, what I want doesn’t matter here. This is about you. If she’s just a friend and I have no reason to be jealous, then why won’t you go?”

He takes a deep breath and rest his hand on his hip. Now it’s him who’s counting to ten.

“She is just someone I work with to me but-” He raises his eyebrows before he unlashes the beast “I am not an idiot and… I don’t want to give her the wrong impression.”

“Was it that hard to acknowledge that?” I ask him.

“Was it that hard for you not to assume the worst of me without even talking to me? You always do this, Blue. I mean I already knew you thought I was a junkie but now also a cheater?”

Wow, that was low. So he’s going to through that at my face. I already apologized and he knows how terrible I feel about that and now he’s using that against me? I feel a lump on my throat and try to swallow it so I can speak.

“I… You know how much I regret that.”

“Yeah, well, maybe other than regretting it you should stop doing it. Why can’t you just trust me?”

I frown and look down at his feet.

“Last night” I start “you… and I…”

“I knew you would do this.” He cuts me halfway. “I knew that you were going to pick a fight because you got scared last night but… I’m tired of you using me as your punching-ball, Blue. You unleash all your frustrations on me and I thought I could take it, you know, but… I don’t want to… I’m tired of waiting for you.”

“Waiting for what?”

His words hurt me. Deeply. But I try my best to hold my tears at bay. I don’t want him to see me crying, especially because I don’t want him to stay if he doesn’t want to but he just confirmed every fear I’ve had lately. I am toxic. I am bad for him. I am hurting him and he doesn’t want me.

“For you to open up and let me in and trust me but you don’t and… It hurts, Blue… Uh… I think it’s best if we take a little break…”

“No, Harry! I- I’m sorry.”

I wipe my tears as I keep trying not to cry but this is happening. He’s finally doing what he has to do and yet I don’t want him to. I knew this would happen but I thought… I was trying very hard to let him in.

“Please, don’t cry.” He sighs. “This is how you fix everything. You hurt me and then you cry and I forgive you and when I scare you, you do it again but I… Maybe I’m asking too much of you, I’m not saying this is all your fault. I just thought I didn’t need you to feel the same way I did, I thought I could just… Maybe you’re not ready and… I think you have to work on some things before you are.”

“Harry, please… I… I…” My eyes search his and I can tell then that he is indeed waiting, like he said he was and it’s out of respect that I don’t say it.

“What? You what?”

I know what he wants to hear. He’s been wanting to hear it since this morning. He remembers what he said last night, he was just looking for my reciprocation, but I won’t do this to him. I won’t tell him I love him because I’m afraid of losing him.

“I think you’re right.”

I see the air leaving his chest and I feel a punch on my throat when I see the pain in his eyes. If this is what he wants, then why does he not look happy? Oh, right, it’s because I am that toxic to him. I am no good for him but he doesn’t want to let me go because I have become that toxic person that gives him just enough for him to stick around but not what he deserves.

He wants all from me. He told me last night, but I can’t give it to him. I just can’t. Jason’s words swirl around inside my mind and laugh at me. D’you think any other person would have stick around long enough…? He doesn’t deserve this and I love him, I do. But that’s why I’m letting him go.

I don’t even remember how the goodbye was or when he left or if I was the one who did but after crying my eyes out like a dramatic widow sitting on one of the benches of the park, I manage to get my phone out to ask for the girls.

Coco: Dad told me Harry is going with you to Capitol this week so I’m going too :)

How can something happen so suddenly? He was happy to be going to my dad’s this morning and two hours later he just breaks up with me?

The Golden Girls group chat has also been active.

Marie: Let us know when you talk to him!

Ollie: How did it go?

Jason: Bet they’re fucking.

Marie: Jason!

Indie: Can we meet?

Jason’s calling me.

“Fuck, Indie, where are you? I’ll pick you up.”

“We broke up.” I cry.

“Fuck. Send me your location.”

I do and I wait. This reminds me of that time I picked him up in the middle of nowhere after David Dick abandoned him like a dog. Only this time, I’m the bad guy.

I am terrible person and I don’t know what else to do. Maybe I am destined to be alone and maybe that’s not a bad thing. After all, the whole problem was falling in love because then I will be leaving Dylan behind and I know people don’t understand but people haven’t lost the love of their lives. It’s not a fucking easy thing.

But still, Harry doesn’t deserve that I unleash all my frustrations on him like he said I do because he’s right, I do that. I do that all the time and I treat him like shit because I don’t want him to treat me as someone I’m not. I don’t want him to think I’m this lovely person who deserves to be loved because I’m not. I’m the girl who let her boyfriend died.

That’s yet another thing people don’t understand. But Dylan was begging for help. That’s why he kept smoking and that’s why he had thrown his entire life away. It was his way of letting us know he wasn’t okay and instead of supporting him or loving him I just… I kept fighting him and telling him he needed to stop and… I wasn’t what he needed me to be. I failed him. And then he died. And I will never live past that.

The emergency lights of Jason’s car attract my attention and I get on the car and rest my head on the back of the passenger seat. He drives to the girls’ apartment and we make our way inside in silence.

The girls are sitting on the couch with a worried expression on their faces.

“It’s not what you think.” I start. “It had nothing to do with her.”

“Then what the fuck happened?” Ollie frowns.

So I tell them. I tell them about my confrontation and I tell them what he said and I tell them I agree and Jason says then you didn’t break up and I just look into his eyes because we both know that’s not true.

“But what did you tell him?” Marie asks. “I mean when he said all those things about you not being ready and all that? What did you say?”

I shake my head.

“Nothing.”

“Why?”

“Because I think he’s right.”

“He’s not.” Olivia frowns.

I can tell she is angry. No, she’s furious. I’m not used to this reaction from her. Usually, she’s the one who keeps calm and manages to calm us down. Marie is the one who gets mad, she’s the protective one. So to see Ollie like this is new to me.

“He’s fucking not.” She almost yells. “I mean are you kidding me? He knows what happened to you! He knows and he still didn’t tell you he had had an accident himself! And he chose not to tell you that sometimes he smokes weed when he knew that’s why Dylan died.”

Jason’s mouth opens but he doesn’t have time to say anything for Olivia’s palm rests in the air before him as a sign of stop.

“I don’t think it takes a detective to imagine that Indie might have some issues with weed.” She says through clenched teeth. “And you still listened to him and you forgave him and he fucking decided to still break up with you and now you get jealous, once, and he throws all that at you? I seriously can’t believe him! He’s turning you into this monster and you’re believing it and you’re not!”

I frown concern and surprised when she starts crying. Marie’s hand rests on her shoulder as we all remain silent and she just wipes her tears away.

“No, this is not about me.” She sniffs. “It’s just… I’m tired of seeing you like this, Indie. I’m tired of having you thinking everything is your responsibility and I think you’ve had enough! Fuck! And I’m mad because… You… You lost your fucking boyfriend and you would think he would understand some shit is fucking hard for you and instead here I have my friend crying in my house because this fucking selfish idiot made her feel as if she was some cruel person… You’re not.”

Olivia rests her back against the cushions of the couch and takes a deep breath. She sobs a little more and I find myself pouting as I stare at her.

“When Jack left me for Dulce, you were there for me. When my parents got a divorce, you were there for me. When my brother had the accident, you were there for me.” Her voice croaks again. “And every time Marie’s been sad, you’ve just left everything to come be with her and when David dumped Jason in the fucking highway, who did he call?”

Now I’m crying too and so is Marie.

“So no, I won’t have the best person I know thinking she’s a monster.”

I hug her and we both cry and only when we’ve calmed down, I call my Mum and tell her I’m having lunch with the girls. I promise her tea and biscuits. Selfishly needing some Mum-daughter time too.

After lunch, Ollie falls asleep on the couch halfway through the movie and when it ends, I catch Jason staring at her with a tender smile on his lips.

“She’s fierce, that one.” He whispers.

“Thank God she didn’t have Harry at hands’ reach.” Marie adds.

I giggle softly.

“I know, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Jason’s eyes set on mine and I know he’s trying to read my mind. I let him.

“I think they’re both right.” Jason whispers.

I frown.

“She doesn’t know what we talked about just yesterday.” He reasons. “Maybe if she knew, she wouldn’t have been so hard on him.”

“What did you talk about yesterday?”

“I… I told Jason I felt terrible for the way I treated Harry sometimes. I know it’s just self-destructive shit. I hate doing it but I do and I’ve ended up hurting him. I mean he was right about that pattern he figured out. I do get scare and then push him away and then I regret it so he forgives me and we start all over again.”

“Do you really think you’re bad for him?” Marie whispers.

I look ahead. I think yes. We’ve fought a lot of times. Love is not supposed to be so hard. I think that’s the idea that’s been passed through generations because of Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice but I don’t think that’s what love is. Love should be like loving a brother or a mother. It shouldn’t hurt, it shouldn’t bring more pain than happiness.

“Adam says he thinks you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to Harry.” She tells me. “He says he hasn’t seen Harry this happy since before the accident and that he can see the old Harry coming back. When he said that, I thought the same thing was true for you. I can see you, really, fully happy sometimes. So, as much as I was against you two at the beginning, I cannot agree with you on this.”

“We had a fight at your beach house. There I accused him of being an addict and he said he was an addict, but not to weed.” I nod my head. “Now, if this was some sort of toxic love movie, I would be thrilled that he said that but I’m not. I don’t want him to be addicted to me because addictions are not healthy.”

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean it like that.” Jason says.

“He did.” I assure him. “We fight too much.”

“You’re a girl who lost her boyfriend and who thinks she doesn’t deserve to fall in love again and he’s a guy who thinks he ruins his sister’s life and put her on a wheelchair so he also thinks he doesn’t deserve love. Why do you think you fight?”

“See? We’re not good for one another.”

“I beg to differ.”

“So if you don’t want that, what do you want?” Marie asks.

“I just want him to be happy.” I shrug. “He’s genuinely good and I don’t want to hurt him.”

Both Jason and Marie smile but I frown.

“He turns you into such a softie. You really like him.” Marie smiles.

“Of course, I do.”

She smiles.

“He told me he loved me last night.” I confess and both my friends grin and get closer to me. “This morning I thought he didn’t even remember but he just thought that it was going to scare me so he didn’t mention it. He did give me a lot of opportunities to tell him myself so I guess he was just finding out if I felt the same.”

“Well, do you?” Marie asks.

“What does it matter now? He doesn’t want me.”

“There’s no way he loves you on Friday night and doesn’t want you on Saturday morning. That’s not how love works.”

I shrug.

“It’s not the same, you can love someone and still don’t want them.”

“You’re head over heels in love with him like a bitch.” Jason states as if he had just realized that.

I sigh.

I don’t deny it.

Yes, I am.

I am head over heels in love with Harry.

[doglover502]

A oneshot I made (I've been writing a few) in the Wig OK Bruh AU. Of Cody getting some romantic advice from Noah, of all characters.

Some slight Coditty time

"I don't know...you think girls like swords?"

Noah shook a bottle of formula in one hand when trying to balance his daughter in the other. "In my experience, it depends on the girl. He looked over to the fedora-clad nerd currently sitting on his couch. "If it's Kitty, then maybe."

Cody groaned, and glanced back at Noah. "You know, you're not being very helpful", he said before turning his attention back to the TV.

"Hey", Noah pointed to Cody with the bottle, peeved out. "You came into my apartment to ask for advice! Or so you claimed anyway…"

Cody looked up from the video game he was playing. "Your video game system is better", he sheepishly admitted.

"Well couldn't you go to Harold's or something? I'm kind of in the middle of something here-"

Noah was interrupted when his two month old started to fuss and reach out for the bottle in his outstretched arm. Noah turned his attention back to her.

"Hey, I know, can you wait two more seconds", he asked, with noticeably more patience. "I'm lecturing Uncle Cody about why his plan sucks."

"Hey!"

"It's true", Noah shrugged and sat down on the couch next to Cody. He put the bottle into his daughter's mouth, who immediately started to calm down with what she wanted. He watched Cody continue playing the game in a half-asleep daze.

Cody glanced over a bit, before double taking when he saw exactly what 

"Didn't think you'd actually put Bramble in the dinosaur one", he commented.

Noah looked down at Bramble, wearing the orange and blue dinosaur footies they received at their baby shower.

"Yeah I didn't either", he admitted. "But it's the only clothes she seems to like. We try to put her in anything else, she starts bawling."

Cody laughed. "How long did that go on for?"

"Stop changing the subject", Noah kept him back on track. The sooner Cody got his advice, the sooner he would leave. "So, when are you gonna ask her out already?"

"I will", Cody insisted. "I just don't know how. I've been waiting for the right thing to say to follow-up on our last conversation."

"And when will that be? You gonna wait for ANOTHER friend to go into labor?"

Cody thought back to that awkward second meeting.

-----

"It's ok man! Just keep doing the breathing!"

"It... it's HAPPENING! It's actually happening! I THOUGHT I'D BE MORE PREPARED FOR THIS!!!"

"I know, everyone does on the first kid, big guy."

Owen sat surrounded by friends in the hospital waiting room. He was in the midst of hyperventilating.

"Just keep breathing in the bag", Geoff instructed. "In and out. In and out."

Owen did so, and tried to get calmer with other reassurances.

Across from them in separate chairs, Kitty and Cody were sitting next to each other. The 2's silence was so tense you could cut a knife through it.

"Soooo...uhh", Cody twiddled his fingers and looked towards Kitty. ".....How ya been?"

---------------

"I made headway", Cody tried to defend himself. "And I think she was really impressed with my singing."

"Ah yes", Noah rolled his eyes. "Izzy's "birthing ambience"."

"You gotta admit, coming into the world to Bohemian Rhapsody. It was pretty badass! Especially the way you added on with that high note", Cody complimented, unaware that "high note" was actually a high-pitched scream of pain. "You still never told us what you thought of it."

"Well sorry. I was a little too busy getting this", he moved his head down to Bramble for emphasis, "little gremlin out of me to write down my critique notes."

"Alright dude", Cody feigned offense. "Man, you are really snappy today."

"Yeah", Noah looked down at Bramble, still drinking the bottle, completely unaware of the conversation going on around her. "This kid here. She's kept me and Owen up for weeks...but at the same time….I think having her and Owen around's made me the happiest I've been", he smiled while he looked down at his daughter.

Cody smiled at him. Seeing Noah be so sincere and happy was such a rarity. And it was a nice change of pace. "That's really great dude."

"Yeah….so I gotta make up for all that smiling and lay it extra thick on everyone else", Noah's smile changed back to a frown as he looked back up at Cody. "So grow some kiwis, and ask her on a date."

Annnnd, there was the old Noah back.

"I...I would, but... I'm just nervous", Cody admitted. "I mean, Kitty's cool! She likes video games too! She's also seen the world!"

"Yeah, she's a regular female you", Noah rolled his eyes. "So, what's stopping you from dating her and staying out of my apartment?"

"Well, your door", Cody commented. "And….and well, me."

Noah raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I don't know if you've noticed but…. I'm not exactly the cool guy everyone thinks I am."

Noah gasped and sarcastically feigned shock. "No! You? The Codemeister?"

"Ok everyone but YOU thinks I am" Cody rolled his eyes. "I just don't want to screw my chances up with her. I've already made a bad first impression."

"That's true", Noah nodded. "Doesn't get any worse than sloshed at my baby shower. Well I guess unless you puked all over her shirt….oh wait...you did."

The 2 were interrupted briefly when Bramble started babbling, the bottle finished. Noah held her out to Cody. "Can you hold her please?"

Cody was confused, but took Bramble into his arms. Noah got up from the couch and went behind Cody's view. "Well, yeah I did, but that's when I was drunk. Who knows what I'll do-"

"Put her over your shoulder."

"Uh...ok", Cody did so, and continued speaking. "Who knows what I'll do while sober. I just...I don't want to be-"

"Creepy", Noah interjected. "Like a skinny 16 year old trying to sneak his way into a goth's bra?"

"...... We'll go with something like that, sure."

Cody could hear some water running behind him, probably Noah by the sink. "Relax, you're overthinking it", he heard Noah's voice talking. "Keep that up, and by the time you're done thinking, she's gonna move onto somebody else. Just talk with her like how you talk to us."

Cody heard the water stop and Noah's footsteps get closer to him. "For example, like the two of us. What do we usually talk about?"

"Video games? Job updates? Our latest therapy revelations from looking back on our time as reality TV stars?"

"Exactly", Noah came back into Cody's view and sat beside him on the couch. "Maybe leave out the therapy parts, in case she already thinks you're crazy", he noted and started to pat Bramble's back. "But other than that, just talk to her about the stuff you like, and see what she likes."

Cody thought about it. Maybe he was overthinking this. But, it was an improvement over his underthinking as a teenager...I guess. But he felt more confident, at the very least, a whole dinner talking about video games wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

He smiled up at Noah, with his regained confidence. "Thank you Noah. I really appreciate you helping me with this."

"No Cody"

"BLARGH!"

Cody's smile quickly changed into a shocked grimace. He could feel the spit up running down the back of his shirt. His eye twitched as Noah took Bramble back into his arms with an enormous shit-eating grin, leaving Cody a shell-shocked mess. 

"Thank YOU."

[fluffshisuga]

Three Houses characters as things my friends have said

Sylvain: I’m selling a short tempered kitty not only is his temper short but so is he

Felix: why did u pspsps at me

Dimitri: Not @ me accidentally eating paint

Claude: i mean idk about y’all but a caprisun and Scooby snacks do be sounding kinda good rn

Linhardt/Hubert: I arrived and I’m un-arriving. Have a nice day.

Byleth seeing Edelgard and Hubert: tweedle doo and tweedle dum

Caspar: Imagine your card gets declined at court so your lawyer starts snitching on you

Lorenz: kinda homophobic that no one is facebook married to me

Sylvain: Not yall judging the pee kink

Annette: If you tell me to drink my caprisun then you better fucking supply it and it better be strawberry kiwi

Raphael: I was told to raise my grades so i used flex seal to glue it to the ceiling and now people are yelling at me-

Edelgard: I don't need a babysitter

Marianne: Wait so if i don't pay my exorcist, will i get repossessed-

Dorothea: The gays are fighting again

Yuri: PICTURE MY BOOTY IN 3D ILL SHAKE MY BOOTY IN MY OWN MOVIE

Petra: My favorite band is nicklebacco

Ingrid: But in all seriousness, fuck whoever ate my bread tHAT'S my favorite bread and they know this so who the fuck ate it i just wanna talk real quick

No one eats my fucking potato bread and gets away with it 😤

I can't even find the Hawaiian sweet bread tF

WHO ATE ALL THE YUMMY BREAD

Lysithea: Hi 911?

I uh..... cut my tongue...... really bad...... with a dorito........

Flayn: I just watched a video all about owls sneezing this is so cute I'm gonna cry

Hilda: We're not gonna talk about how I'm just laying in the tub fully clothed just scrolling through Instagram-

Bernadetta: FAIRY BLUE KIMI NO TAME NI HOSHI WO KUDAKI

KAZARITSUKETA

BLACK PAPER MOON SHINJITE KURETA NARA!

WHEN YOU'RE LOST "HERE" I AM... "FOREVER" WITH YOUR SOUL

Bernadetta: I miss my room

Rhea: Edge of Dawn 10/10 making me think of the goddess everyday

Edelgard trying to work a phone: My typing is really bad today. Like I am trying to type my hardest but I keep on messing up so I'm using my voice thing to type and it's really hard but I don't know why it's not working, going to cry what what no seriously no save me Asterix sobs Asterix no actually put

Petra: Wow i love going to my two favorite stores, Home, and Depot

Dedue: ArE yOu WiNnInG sOn

Ashe: $50 IS NOT ENOUGH TO BUY THE REMAINING 8 BOOKS THAT I NEED WTF

Petra: Honestly if you talk me to watch something and idk you ill murder (i don't even know what she meant-)

Sylvain: MY LEG JUST FELL ASLEEP AND IM IN THE SHOWER I CANT MOVE SEND HELP PLS-

Mercedes: My foot slipped into a hole on one of the islands and the poor crabs were NOT happy.

I'm sorry crabs i was 6-

Bernadetta: "OK CRIES EVEN HARDER"

Ignatz: Guys I'll do portraits of you on my notes for 1 head pat pls

Lysithea: Guys don't treat me like a child honestly I'm literally not a child no it's not past my bedtime sHUT up-

Caspar:It's a power move to-

A power move to do something but i actually forget what i was gonna say tbh

Petra: How get Charlie horse on elbow help send

The end

[dccrossmusic-blog]

Well that'a a wrap- the D.C Cross Ecstatic Racquet album tour is complete! Thank you so much to all my new fans and old fans for the support! It was a lot of fun. I probably drove more than 10000 kms for the 9 shows- which is mental..it was all good until the car broke down in Albury on the weekend- keep reading and you can hear about the drama of the last 48 hours in point form!

Thanks to all the nice people, other musicians and venues and sound people and bar people at the places i played at. All thank you for the free beers, dinners and when people let me stay at the venue or their homes for free. Super mega thank you to Dusty Attic Music Lounge , Howl & Moan Records, Petersham Bowling Club, Plantbased Wholefoods, The Merri Creek Tavern , Franks Wild Years, Mounties and the Bridge Hotel Castlemaine (which is impossible to tag on Facebook).

So everyone is always crapping on about stuff that happens to them on social media but the last 48hours of my tour was quite eventful and i think entertaining for others. Here in point form i will mention the unfolding of the events.

Saturday 3pm Show in Thirroul - Sunday 3pm Show in Castlemaine, Victoria - a bit of driving (about 1700 kms there and back to Sydney) but pretty straight forward- right..what could possibility go right :/

•drive from Marrickville to Thirroul - so far so good

• play a cosy show to some nice people at Franks' Wild Years- very impressed german guy says that i am a beautiful musician and play the guitar like John Frusciante from the Chill Peppers - Brad other founding original member of Gerling comes to the show-a wonderful gesture of support

•Finish show in Thirroul and with a broken GPS head on the drive to Castlemaine, Victoria (about 845km's).

•Get tailgated on the Bulli Pass by some tradie fuckhead- a bit of an anxious 10 minutes but make it okay - our faithful 2004 Holden still seems to be okay.

•Drive for 5 hours on route to Albury as its more than halfway.

•100 kms out of Albury car starts shaking uncontrollably - i thought it was just the Hume Highway - so just cranked AC/DC and LANKUM new album on the distorted car stereo.

•60 km's nearer Albury situation with car gets worse- now know it was a busted CV crankshaft (no idea) and apparently quite dangerous

•Navigate car into Albury and call road side assistance. Sounds like i get a drunk Andrew Jackson Calvert type guy on the phone who relishes in the fact he can say that they can't help me and can tow the vehcile to a mechanic on Monday morning. It's 9.30 Pm Saturday night

•Find the cheapest accom in Albury -$66 a night and stay above a 2 floored techno beer barn full of teenagers on MDMA and very loud party remix / techno music going on. The room looks like was last renovated in the 1950's.

•Call the only guy i know in Albury and hit the RSL after Ross Wilson had just played. Didn't see Ross and damn glad i didn't hear 'Come said the Boy' the second most dodgy song in Australian Music History.

•Stash broken down car in Coles car park. Got to bed in backpackers with Digitalism's - Zdarlight blasting through the building.

•Awake sunday morning and hire car and drive to Castlemaine.

•An hour out of Albury a crazed fucktard - Chopper Reid vibe guy - cruising along in a shitbox Commodore with two kids bikes strapped to the back - a blue bike and little pink bike gets upset that i overtake him on the freeway. As im overtaking he speeds up- i was wasnt really checking my rear view mirror as as i was looking straight ahead to overtake- pretty legit an safe driving from me- anyway, Chopper Reid speeds up and whist i'm overtaking and gets really really mad..i do the thumbs up mate sign and makes him even more angrier..he follows my agrresively for the next 200 kilometres.. very intimidating - the most alarming thought of this was if he is driving so recklessly with two small kids in the car (nee the bikes) imagine what he would do if he caught up to me after 2 hours of full on road rage anger. Yep just what i need right now- anyway decide to James Bond him and speed up so he cant see me, speed into a truck parking side station behind a bunch of bushes- wait till i see him fly pass - teeth grinding trying to find me. Wait 5 minutes and commence my ongoing, fun-filled journey

•Castlemaine Bridge Hotel is a lot further than i calculated. And a path i have never journeyed before- no GPS is making trickier.

•3 hours later -- I ARRIVE! PHEW.

•The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine is a safe haven of coolness in all the chaos.

•Meet old friend Casey Rice at the Bridge Hotel and play two sets of my music to people actually listening to my songs- made the ordeal worthwhile and Skyscrapper Stan aka Stan Woodhouse - the kiwi songsmith works there as the barman- equally parts good and evil - that guy is a crackup..easing into the afternoon with a free pint of something, some comedy gold from Stan and a half price healthy dinner with green stuff in it (maybe vegetables- not on a burger bun so im a bit confused how to eat it ).

•Stay the night above the venue and get up at 4am to drive car back to hire car place. Venues alarm system goes off when i'm having a shower…find the exit and leave gracefully

•On the drive back to Albury - around 4.35am my phone GPS stops working and end up on some lonesome unused highway in a State Forrest in the middle of nowhere - using just my instinct to try and navigate back to Albury

•See a giant Pink moon setting over the trees in state forrest - i think heading towards Canberra (no idea) and makes the trip worthwhile

• Two massive kangaroos leap across the road just seconds away from me, right in front of the car- it's still pitch black - i narrowly avoiding hitting them (a split second before this happened a voice in my head said slow down, be careful, i dont wanna kill no kangaroos) - maybe it was the kangaroos mystical vibe -im not sure but seemed like divine intervention for the next 3 hours that we all survived.

•Some how make it to Heathcote, Victoria and get directions to the Hume Highway by a lady working at a servo with a magical hair braid getting hit on by the local milkman (why do all milkman look the same??) . I've never been happier to see the Hume Highway in my life. Listen to Highway to Hell - AC/DC on cd - my close friends mum gave my as a birthday gift she got from her work - a catholic girls schools - the library was throwing the cd out. Also LANKUM new song 'Wild Rover' that sounds equal parts Irish Rebel folk heroes/ Dirty Three and Tool - I'm having a moment.

•Eventually get back to Albury, put all my guitars and merch and amp back in broken car and return the hire car which was three times the amount i thought it would be cause i had driven extra kilometres.

•Get back in my barely drivable broken down car - Monday morning trying to find a mechanic in Albury to repair car. •Seems all mechanic in Albury are too busy- we can fix the car in 5 days time or are on holidays… Stranded far from home….

•Finally find a mechanic on the outskirts of town who can fix the car- drive barley drivable car around Albury trying to find the mechanic- stressing out front wheels will fall off - takes about 20 minutes without gps and hats off the bloke who gave me the best directions of my life to find mechanic.

•Mechanic looks at car and says its my lucky day - they have the spare part in Albury -which is very rare … a new crank shaft (no idea) - and he can fix it straight away ($500 seems reasonable ).

•Wait 5 hours in the belting Albury sun. Eat the biggest and best potato scallops ive ever had (from North Albury) and presto- hand over credit card and Car is fixed. Drink 2 litres of hot Mountain Dew and drive 6 hours and arrive home safely.

• Triumph scene from Rocky -Bill Contis 'Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky) plays out in my head as i drink a beer and lie on the couch. Maybe next time i will fly.

• And thats what it takes to play two shows as an underground cult folk musician in Australia.

• Get Ecstatic

• And please buy my album on bandcamp to help pay mechanic - maybe a Xmas gift, coming of age …. en vogue vinyl experience

•Remember kids, "It's a JUNGLE out there!".

[ivangeleenichirux3]

92 question tag thing

I was tagged by @bts-roleplay

(Though I don’t feel the best right now i’ll do this for you because i’ll forget)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Strawberry kiwi snapple (i have an addiction to this drink ok) 2. Phone call: My auntie 3. Text message: college buddies group chat 5. Time you cried: Today, I do it every day so...

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yes and I regret giving them that second chance 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: multiple times 8. Been cheated on: too many times to count... 9. Lost someone special: multiple people... no one sticks around in my life really.. 10. Been depressed: EVERY FUCKING DAY OK 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Not yet. just wait till I’m 21. I’ll make myself forget.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Red, Black, Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes, and im grateful to them for making me feel worth something. 16. Fallen out of love: I’ve only fallen in love once and I’m honestly still not over her... 17. Laughed until you cried: once or twice yes. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: It happens when your that unattractive overweight kid.. 19. Met someone who changed you: yeah and it was probably for the worst... 20. Found out who your friends are: I thought I did once but i have a hard time with it now since everyone always leaves and forget... i may have 1 person that I can call a true friend and ive never even met her IRL 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: idek tbh...

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them I usually don’t accept request from strangers unless they share the same interest 23. Do you have any pets: Yes I Have many I have 2 mice currently named YinJin and V-Yang. A dog named Noona. A hedgehog named Chrona and 2 Roosters named HeiHei and Fluffy. 24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: After the weekend of my birthday passed I went back to my dorm and celebrated with my friend who surprised me with a cake and a cute banner. 26. What time did you wake up: 9:15am? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Getting ready for bed. 28. Name something you can’t do: Smile naturally. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: She visited me on my grad day and stayed around for 3 day. So it was 2-3 years ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Myself  31. What are you listening right now: 4 O’Clock By V and Rapmon 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Does a character in a roleplay count?

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: fake friends.. 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr/Youtube

LAST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: i have 2 specific moles that always get noticed one on my left shoulder and one on my right hip. 36. Mark/s: Wrist scars at least 20 and scars on my knees as well as  between my pointer and middle finger on my left hand. 37. Childhood dream: When I was a kid I legit wanted to be one of those people who would collect venom for venomous snakes to heal people who have been bitten. 38. Haircolor: I was grapemon for a while but it faded so now it’s a red brown color. 39. Long or short hair: It’s getting long but I don’t like it. it’s down to my shoulders now. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: No..I honestly will never trust anyone enough to even remotely like them like that. (unless its hobi or suga they are my forever crushes XD) 41. What do you like about yourself: Next question.. 42. Piercings: Ears, Tongue,Nose 43. Bloodtype: O+

44. Nickname: Melly, Melon, MelMel, Mel 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: Pisces 47. Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them 48. Favorite TV Show: Return of superman 49. Tattoos: Nothing yet, i’m super broke so... but I would like some I already have design for 2 I want atmost 4 50. Right or left hand: Right handed 51. Surgery: Nope thank goodness 52. Hair dyed in different color: Red and purple. 53. Sport: soccer, shooting, archery, baseball 55. Vacation: S. Korea or japan is where I want to go or maybe just go to my birthplace Puerto Rico 56. Pair of trainers: ???

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Nothing I literally had 1 meal today 58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: draw a bit more and go shower 61. Waiting for:  the weekend so i can see my children 63. Get married: I don’t want to anymore... 64. Career: illustration/ animation

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Kisses, hugs are ok but I personally like kisses more 66. Lips or eyes: i like both but maybe lips just because i get a bit uncomfy lookign at peoples eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller tbh 68. Older or younger: Either. Each girl I’ve dated has always been younger 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Either 71. Sensitive or loud: Why do I have to pick? I’d like someone like hobi (he is both) 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. hook ups make me awkward afterwards... 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, since im usually the hesitant one i need someone to balance me out.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: yes, Mostly at convention when I played the pocky/pepero game with people. 75. Drank hard liquor: yeah, im not a big hard liquor fan tbh 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 77. Turned someone down: yeah. most of the time I feel so bad that I cry after 78. Sex on the first date: Ive never been on a date so... 79. Broken someone’s heart: Idk maybe? 80. Had your heart broken: EVERY-FUCKIGNRALTIONSHIP-IVE-HAD-OMG-IM-SO-DONE-WITH-RELATIONSHIPS-BECAUSE-OF-THIS. 81. Been arrested: Nah 82. Cried when someone died: Only once 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Nope, I am utter trash 85. Miracles: I guess. 86. Love at first sight: Yeah, She broke my heart but I’m still not over her.. she was the first and only one... 87. Santa Claus: No 88. Kiss on the first date: No way unless its like a cute innocet cheek kiss. I’m ok with those 89. Angels: How can you ask that When Jung Hoseok and Park Jimin exist?

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: Do I even Have one anymore 91. Eye color: Brown 92. Favorite movie: Spirited Away has always been and always will be

Here you go I guess. 

Do I really have to tag people?

Fine.

I Tag: @ask-the-kpop-lightsticks @noonaxchrissy @facelessscar @ask-camboy-hobi @squaretilla @shingekicornwrites @ask-artist-jin 

[rielity]

11 Questions + 11 More

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the 11 random questions posted for you. Create 11 new ones and tag 11 people. Let the person who tagged you know that you answered.

Tagged by @hikarinoamaiyume and @yukiokasamatsus thank you~ 

(lol it got too long so I put it under a cut)

Kira’s:

1. What are your Astrology and Chinese Zodiac signs?

Libra + Pig/Boar 

2. What do you expect for 2017?

A bunch of new experiences, meeting new people, stepping out of my comfort zone, to learn and to grow! 

3. What are you favorite bands/singers?

Of all time?? Super Junior, DBSK, CNBLUE, GReeeeN, UVERWorld, Mayday 五月天 , Galileo Galilei, Kenshi Yonezu, Nico Nico Singers - ASK, clear, that, Gero, Amatsuki, Ito Kashitarou. (holy shit no English bands/singers here oops)

4. What are you currently reading (even if it’s just for studying or a fanfic, anything is valid! :D)?

Hmm the first things that come to mind are my fanfic drafts... orz but other than that, I have around 10 AO3 tabs open on my computer rn and 5 on my phone :U I’ve been so busy with my own writing that I haven’t had much time to read any long fics recently u_u

5. Are you an artist? What kind of?

Uhhh I’m a writer??? Ahahahha.

6. Do you like karaoke?

Yasssss I like it. I just went for a karaoke session on the 29th! It’s the reason why I’m in a Mayday 五月天 mood recently woops.

7. Have you ever gone to a live concert?

Yup! I went with my family to a Taiwanese band’s concert in August this year, & I’ve been to Super Junior’s concerts when they came to Singapore! Waiting for them to come back here, tbh ~ Also I used to play for orchestra, so I went for live orchestra concerts too heh.

8. What gets the most of your attention while watching anime (ex: the story, the characters, the ships, the art, the sound part, etc.)?

I’m super picky I think... Storytelling, worldbuilding and plot are the most important, of course. Characters should be memorable, at least. Art and sound are a plus. Ships wise, uhm. It doesn’t really matter unless the ship makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m used to my ships not being canon anyway, so ships don’t take much precedence here.

9. Do you like taking pictures?

Yes~ I really like photography even though I don’t have a good camera. I’m usually the photographer in my group of friends... but I’m super awkward when photos are being taken of me lol.

10. Do you have many social networks? Which one is your favorite?

Oh, tell me about it. I use Facebook and Instagram and Whatsapp and Telegram to talk to my rl friends. And I have Twitter, LINE and Tumblr for fandom. My favourite’s probably Telegram?? I love Telegram stickers lmao. But I use Facebook and Tumblr and Whatsapp a lot more than the rest. 

11. Have you made friends on the internet?

Yep I have. *looks at all my tumblr mutuals, which includes you :D*

Safyre’s: 

1. Are you committed to playing a game (mobile, videogame etc), or do you play it for a while then delete it?

I play it for a while and delete it. Or rather than deleting it, I just leave it and never come back to it. My attention span’s pretty shitty when it comes to games lol I can make it at most two weeks before I get bored.

2. Sports or no?

Nope. I used to play sports when I was in primary school but I kind of lost interest?? Didn’t help that I was in a performing arts cca, always sitting in an airconditioned room huehuehue. And when I was in junior college I injured my knee pretty badly so ever since then I’ve tried to go easy on the stress I put on my knee lol.

3. Are you a soft toy/plushie type of person?

I used to be! I sleep with a bunch of old soft toys but my parents have banned me from getting any more. Also they make me sneeze a lot lmao

4. How do you organise your charging cables? Are they in a big mess or do you roll them up nicely etc?

HA HA HAH AH AHA HAH. Okay I only have two charging cables for my phone, one for the wall charger and one for the portable. I just ... leave them there?? Earpieces though... ever since I lost my tangle-free JAYS, my current earpieces always end up in a big mess even if I try to roll them up nicely.

5. British or American English?

Singlish. 

... Okay I think I use British?? I don’t even know which I use tbh? Like I write ‘colour’ and ‘favourite’ but sometimes I write ‘revolutionize’ other times I write ‘revolutionise’ lol why am I like this orz my editors for the campus paper scolded me so many times for this exact reason

6. What sort of things do you collect? Coins, stationery, stamps etc?

Notebooks and art prints/posters! 

7. What hobbies do you have?

Sleeping, eating, writing, reading, rinse and repeat.

8. Favourite type of snack?

Black forest chocolate!!! Also tom yum flavoured seaweed.

9. Do you have a calendar on your desk? Do you cross out the dates as they pass by?

Nope and nope :3c

10. Social media: what do you think of it?

Wow two social media qns in this tag thing! ;o Like I said, I use a pretty wide array of social networks... each network has its own purpose, I guess? Facebook for collecting photographs & news updates, Twitter for... I don’t know what I do on Twitter besides scream about fandom, Instagram for being pretentious and curating pretty images to show off to people I don’t care much about, Tumblr for fandom trash, Whatsapp and Telegram and LINE to chit-chat talk cock sing song talk to my friends (tho I do use Tumblr messenger to talk to my Tumblr mutuals too lol).

11. Do you like walking barefoot on grass?

NOPE I get grass rash................................... screams I like playing in the rain though! ........ when I’m right outside my house and can come right back in to take a shower immediately afterwards u____u

My 11 questions: 

1. What’s your favourite drink?

2. If you had to recommend one anime to anyone, what would it be?

3. The ultimate OTP (if you can’t decide on one, then two).

4. Where would you go, if you could go anywhere in the world? 

5. What’s your Hogwarts house and/or Pokemon Go team?

6. Favourite fanfic/fandom trope?

7. What’s the temperature where you are right now? 

8. How many tabs are open on your browser now?

9. When’s your birthday?

10. Who’s your idol? (can be a family member, a friend, a teacher, a kpop idol, whoever!)

11. I seem to ask this every time I do one of these tag things, but: Recommend me three of your recent favourite songs.

Tagging: (please don’t feel obliged to do this though!)

@swallowtail-butterflys @codedredalert @directorennoshita @morisuke-kun @smol--kiwi @naoyasukuguris @katotaine 

[jerrieasley86-blog]

http://www.healthminimarket.com/vitax-forskolin/

Baby on my grocery stores Macy's be really good gourmet chocolate chip cookie and I still get on but I don't you know just try not to look act committeeman eating found in as inactivity instead I think I've coming home um doing that and I enjoy like I've gotten I’ve got more flowers this year that I had years an iPhone when I get home our forty water in all my flowers infertile I've known and spendin time out there with my flowers you and Mikey kaki then I look forward to you watching my Netflix and doing my exercises in the end when it tonight that I'm going to make a video the next day or may take  VitaX Forskolin a shower I look forward to doing the math Bettini me he and you're doing some skincare and I'm you different things my dad lighting mapping out the candles in spending time doing things like tax are trying to shift my focus on what I enjoy now we go out to eat form is just when the things that we enjoy doing and after do data but I can tell you the best family every restaurant in team info and still enjoy way going out teat with my family they still get not James onion rings or whatever else and I just get my family and I tried to you I get funny we're not going to light until one well you see I which is nice anything happen to one would have gotten round at least he like  days little baby bell I'm saying write my little pizza cheese or something to you you make you are not starving say that when I mean rings d coming out I don't just feel either like I'm missing out or I don't just great day on indeed.com I just feel youkan t I'm just wait you know it's only five more minutes then here's my far right and I feel full so that is just something helpful he acts and cannot be this is probably with exercise where the main biggest biggest differences years before when I lost weight was not drinking water at all I hate were I'm not water drinker but I knew you data I'm needed to you and I knew you can still see my fingers are prime and I have drank probably to -ounce bottles of water this morning any : so I do still have my dietSundrop in the morning good just like my coffee tea and I was getting real bad my caffeine headache in so I do drink incant got to drop in the morning I think my copy and then I'll go awry into you there plain water which I like Aquafina that's my favorite or I’ll get be labor workers or I keep Manning squeezed in fact have to be careful with the moment because I yet arm I really heartburn but my stomach burns easy you know if I have had just something really good to eat before I drink the women were it will burn my fam I said be careful with back or propel kiwi strawberry is my favorite say I am constantly drinking want to bags and I have been so much more hydrated when I deleted my if I want to drink a guy K or got some drop our get they acted and directed the nineteen out drinking water you name probably I three bottles of water .

http://www.healthminimarket.com/vitax-forskolin/

[seekingenjoyment]

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

Once again I have put off writing a post sharing our most recent activities, leaving me with cloudy memories of the last several weeks. After my parents left and I was officially out of vacation mode, I was quickly getting back to work as there was a lot waiting for me on my return! Luckily, I was able to catch up quickly and my workload started to dwindle as the nice weather and holiday season started to approach. After the long week, however, Cai and I were looking for a taste of the vacation that we had enjoyed so much the week before, and spent the second day of New Zealand’s official summer on Muriwai beach, a black sand beach on the west coast of Auckland.

Other highlights from the beginning of December include going to our first NZ professional basketball game, work Christmas parties, baby showers, and spending time with friends in the form of a girls night and boys paintballing. In regard to the basketball game, we saw the SkyCity Breakers. I can’t speak highly of their facility or their playing skills, but the overall experience was enjoyable even if it did feel like a small-scale college-level basketball game.

Then, it was time for a weekend getaway. Cai and I packed up the car and went to Taupo for the weekend leading up to Christmas. Taupo is about a 3-hour drive south of Auckland and sits on the largest lake in the country. Although we had less than desirable weather, we still had a great time. On Saturday we started our day by going to the Taupo market, where we treated ourselves to food for breakfast and lunch. The food selection was broad and we left feeling like we had traveled the world! Empanadas, bacon & egg sandwiches, savory pies, cream filled doughnuts, and crepes... we did well for ourselves. We then headed off to the Huka Falls, a waterfall on the Waikato River that forms where the river narrows. Moving along the river, we continued on to Aratiatia Rapids which are formed by the opening of the Waikato River dam. To finish off the first day, we had to stop in one more culinary country and had Nepalese for dinner. The food was so good and we ate so much, that we actually had to avoid the walk across the street back to the hotel and walked around the block a few times to help our digestion. 

The second day in Taupo, we went to see the Spa Park, where there is a natural hot pool. Unfortunately, on a not-so-nice day, many other people had similar ideas, so we passed the opportunity and continued on. We then went for a nice walk along the Lake’s edge and stopped in a cove to eat lunch. Cai decided to make things interesting a went for a quick swim in the lake on a cold and grey day. After the peaceful walk and returning to the car, we both continued to think about the hot pool and how nice it would be to have a relaxing afternoon... so... we opened our wallets and decided to spend the afternoon at the thermal spa. Let me just say, it was worth every penny! We set off back to Auckland for Christmas feeling rejuvenated! 

Christmas morning arrived, the sun was shining, and it was 72 degrees outside! So we packed a beach bag and went out to Mission Bay. It certainly didn’t feel like Christmas, but we made the most of our day. Cai and our friend Steve went for a swim in the sea and we gathered our things and got ready for a Kiwi-style Christmas consisting of a day in the sun and a barbeque. Our Christmas hosts Hannah and Steve made a massive meal for us, their siblings, and our friend Mark and Georgie. After eating, drinking, and playing games for hours, we went home and opened presents over video chat with Cai’s family in Wales. Worth staying up for, but it wasn’t easy!

Waking up boxing day, the weather wasn’t very nice and we took the day to be lazy and relax before I had to head back to work on Wednesday. For me, it was a slow week at work with not much going on. After all, people aren’t signing up for voluntary health services during the most celebrated time of the year. Cai took advantage of having a couple extra days off work and went snorkeling with friends on Goat Island, a marine reserve, and saw a stingray!  Then, on Friday night we welcomed Sara, a visitor from Caernarfon for the long weekend. 

The weekend of New Years was a busy one. On Saturday we went to see the Gannet Colony (aka smelly birds) near Muriwai Beach, walked the lookout track in the area, and spent the afternoon on the beach. Sunday (the day of NYE) we joined a large group of friends and went to Tawharanui Beach where we spent most of the day and were lucky to have nice weather. We all packed up after a few hours and went home for a quick shower before celebrating NYE over a barbeque and drinks. Of course, I asked what the live TV build-up to the New Year is, as I am always so fortunate to have a Ryan Seacrest or a British comedian. However, New Zealand settles for a 5-minute countdown segment that shows the Skytower and fireworks. 3..2..1.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The first day of the new year was not the best of weather here in Auckland, but we went out on a bush walk knowing that if there was some rain we would have coverage from getting wet. We went to Fairy Falls in the Waitakere Ranges which were beautiful, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being distracted by the humidity! Luckily the second day of the New Year was more promising. We set off to Shakespear Regional Park where we embarked on the “Heritage Trail.” The walk took us through the woods filled with exotic trees and quiet streams, out through farmland, and down across the coast and beach. It had the best of everything. We continued on from the Regional Park to take a peek at Long Bay, another park in the area, where we will return to soon. 

Today, we were both back to work and weren’t feeling very positive, but then we remembered we are going away next week! So, until next Wednesday when we head off to Nelson on the South Island for 4.5 days, we will have to settle with living a typical working day. Until next time!

Cai’s Two-Cents: Our new coal barbeque is so superb it is surpassing us in popularity, and pretty soon we won’t be invited anywhere unless we bring it along...

[toomanysurveys9]

A! Do you drink Alcohol frequently? not anymore. i haven’t had a sip of alcohol since early july 2016. i will eventually drink again on occasion probably, but never like i used to. What Age are you? 24. Do you like Apples? yeah, they’re pretty good. Do you believe in Aliens? i mean... not in the sense of science fiction movies. but i’m not sure i’m comfortable saying with 100% certainty that we are the only life in the entire universe when there is so much we’ll likely never see/discover. Who is your favourite Actor/Actress? misha, jensen, and jared from supernatural.

B! Do you like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air? i used to watch it a lot..

Were you ever scared about getting Bats stuck in your hair? no... should i be? Are you always the Banker when you play Monopoly? not always, depends who i play with.

Do you like going to the Beach? yeah, usually. it’ll be better next year when wy can enjoy it too. Who do you think is the most Beautiful person in the world? my mom and sisters. C! Do you like Cats? i definitely do. Are you Charismatic? i don’t think a single person would describe me as charismatic. Do you like laying down to look at the Clouds? i don’t do that really since i’m older... Are you a pro at Checkers? definitely not. Has someone ever called you Cheap? nope. D! Are you more of a Dog person? maybe a little, but i do love cats. Do you like Disney films? love them. i’m going to watch them with wy. Do you still Decorate the house for holidays? not really my house, although i might this year with wy... depends where we are staying. Do you have a Dressing gown? no... Do you think Dinosaurs are awesome? i do love dinosaurs... i’m weird. E! Have you ever ran up the down Escalator? Or ran down the up one? maybe when i was younger. What did you Eat last? soft taco. What’s the most Expensive gift you’ve ever received? probably my laptop... How do you like your Eggs? i usually eat them scrambled. Have you ever been so angry you thought you might Explode? yeah. not often, and takes a lot, but yes. F! Would you ever want to be Famous? i’d love to be a singer but fame would suck major balls. Do you think you’re Funny? not generally. Are Flashing lights fun? i don’t generally think they are fun... When was the last time you Flew in a plane? yeeears ago. i don’t remember when exactly... Has a Folding chair ever un-folded and squished you while you were on it? no.that’d suck. G! Did you ever wear Glasses, even though you didn`t need them? no.. Have you ever eaten Glue? no, gross. Do you Give to charity? when i can.... that is not often right now.

Do you think Goats are cute? yeah. H! When was the last time you High-fived someone? wy gave me high-fives a few hours ago. Do you dye your Hair? nope.

Are you Happy with your life? at this second, yes. wy is asleep holding my hand hostage. When was the last time someone physically Hurt you? it’s been awhile. Do you always wear a Helmet when you go cycling? no. pretty much never on the rare occasion i go riding. I! What’s your favourite flavour of Ice-cream? depends where from, honestly. Could you ever live in an Igloo? no.. Do you know what an Icoceles triangle is? Isosceles triangle*, yes. <<<<< yup. What’s the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen? i don’t know. i guess phe give birth, but it was also disgusting. Do Insects freak you out? some. J! When was the last time you completed a Jigsaw? it’s been a very long time. Do you like Jam? sometimes. Tell me a Joke! i suck at joke telling.

Are you Jealous of anyone? people with their life figured out and going well.

K! Who was the last person you Kissed? wyatt, technically. Do you have a nice Kitchen? no. it’s tiny and not enough storage space. Do you like Kiwi fruit? occasionally. i have to be in the mood for them. Do you find Knock-Knock jokes hilarious? depends on the joke.... Do you tend to Keep a bunch of stuff you really don’t need? yes. it’s horrible. L! Do you think walking under a Ladder is bad luck? no. i’m not a superstitious person. Have you ever been inside a Limo? i have not. Do you really hate Losing? it’s not my favorite, but it’s kind of whatever if i do. Do you like playing with Legos? i did when i was younger. i haven’t tried recently. but i am sure i will sooner or later with wy. lol. Do you think you have a cool Laugh? i hate my laugh. M! Did you collect Marbles as a kid? not really. i had a few, but i didn’t collect them. Do you look in the Mirror a lot? no. i didn’t even know i had a scratch on my face from wy until someone mentioned it to me because i rarely look in the mirror. i wouldn’t have noticed for a long time if it hadn’t been mentioned. Do you have a Moustache? no i don’t. Could you live without Music? probably, but it’d be a little less enjoyable. i like music a lot. Do you like going to Museums? i do. but i rarely get to. N! What’s your Name? marlina. Do you like your Neighbours? i don’t know them, jake knows some, and my grandparents know some, but i’ve never talked to any. Do you watch the News? not really, no. What`s your favourite Number? don’t have one. O! Do Opposites really attract? they can, for sure. at first glance, jake and i seem to be opposites. but we have a lot in common too. Would you hate working in an Office? no, i don’t think so. it’d be better than working in a factory. Are you Open-minded? i think so. Do you think Olives are gross? green ones are gross. black are good on some things. P! When was the last time you made Pancakes? last week, or couple weeks ago. Are you wearing Pajamas? no. jeans and a tshirt. Have you ever been to Paris? i have not. Can you play the Piano? i know the basics. Do you Pull the door that says Push or Push the door that says Pull often? not often, but it does happen. Q! Are you a Quiet person? i am. it’s a common complaint with a lot of people. Do you ask too many Questions when you first meet someone? no. i don’t ask enough, probably, because i don’t say much. Are you a Quick learner? in most instances, yes. Did you know that Mythbusters proved that a Quack can echo? i did not know that. Do you know anyone called Quentin? a girl i used to be friends with had a brother named quentin. R! Do you smile everytime you see a Rainbow? not every time, but i make sure to show people when i do. they are pretty. Do you listen to the Radio all the time? not all the time. Can you Roller-blade? yeah, i can. i used to do it a lot back in the day. Do you take a Rubber-duck in the bath with you? nope. i generally take showers. wy has a rubber duck now though. it’s gray with flames. lol. Can you Run fast? i run fairly quick, but not super fast. S! What makes you Scared? there are way too many things. especially now that i’m a mom. Don’t you think Sellotape is cool? i don’t know what that is. Do you get Sick a lot? not generally. i’ve been getting more ear infections than usual though.. and i’ve been having gallbladder issues and i’ll probably be getting it removed. Do you still own a Slinky? i do not. T! Did you like Thomas the Tank Engine when you were a kid? he wasn’t my favorite cartoon. When was the last time you were in a Taxi? when i was very, very little. i don’t even remember it. Are you Thirsty? a little. Do you always remember to say Thank-you? usually. but it also depends if i get too anxious... Do you take care of your Teeth? not as good as i should have... i’ve been doing better. but in some ways, it’s a little late. U! Do you own an Umbrella? probably somewhere. Do you live Underneath anyone? nope. Do you think hanging Upside-down is fun? not anymore. i used to when i was younger. i loved the monkey bars. Have you ever put water in a rubber-glove and pretended they were Udders? i’ve put water in a rubber glove, but i didn’t pretend they were udders. Do you think you are Ugly? i know i am. V! Do you live in a Village? nope. Do you have a cool Voice? no. i don’t. What’s your Vice? lately, cookies. but that’s just because i bought super good cookie dough and made cookies. Do you still own any old Video’s? my parents do. Do you think you could survive in the Victorian era? i don’t know.. W! Are you too Warm right now? no. i’m pretty cool. Do you like Weetabix? i don’t know what that is. Do you wear a Watch everyday? i never do. i use my phone. Are you cautious about your Weight? i hate my weight right now... once i’m done breastfeeding, i am definitely doing something about it. Do you get Worried a lot? all the time about every single thing. X! Do you like to play the Xylophone? i used to like the toy ones when i was younger. Did you ever watch Xena: Warrior Princess? nope. Have you ever been X-Rayed? a few times. Are you Xenophobic? no. Did you know that X is 10 in Roman Numerals? i did know that. Y! Do you like Yogurt? i do like yogurt. especially vanilla or blueberry. Was Yesterday better than today? no. yesterday was worse. at least i was with wyatt today. Do you like the colour Yellow? it’s not my favorite. How are You? i’m tired and annoyed and stressed. i’m not sure what i’m doing. Do you Yell a lot? not really, no. Z! Do you think a horse painted to look like a Zebra is cool? no...

Do you know your Zodiac sign? virgo. Do you take Zinc? i do not. Did you know that Steve Irwin said to run in Zigzags to escape a Croc? yes. it’s funny you mention steve irwin. i am watching jack hanna, and i was saying how i prefer steve irwin.. i really want to find all the crocodile hunter series on dvd, so if anyone knows where i can find that, send me a link or something.

[lovemesomesurveys]

A! Do you drink Alcohol frequently? I don’t drink alcohol at all anymore. What Age are you? 28. Do you like Apples? Eh, they’re okay. I couldn’t tell you the last time I even had one. Do you believe in Aliens? I really don’t know. Who is your favourite Actor/Actress? Alexander Skarsgård.

B! Do you like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Sure.

Were you ever scared about getting Bats stuck in your hair? Uh, no...? Is that a common fear somewhere? Are you always the Banker when you play Monopoly? No, not always. I do like to be, though. Do you like going to the Beach? I love it. Who do you think is the most Beautiful person in the world? My mom. C! Do you like Cats? They’re cute, but I’m much more of a dog person. Are you Charismatic? No, I wouldn’t say so. Do you like laying down to look at the Clouds? It’s not something that I do. Are you a pro at Checkers? No. I haven’t played in so long. Has someone ever called you Cheap? No. D! Are you more of a Dog person? Most definitely. Do you like Disney films? Yes. Do you still Decorate the house for holidays? Yes! I love doing that. I get especially crazy about that during Christmastime. Do you have a Dressing gown? No. Do you think Dinosaurs are awesome? Rawr xD Hahaha. I remember when everyone was like obsessed with dinosaurs and would say stuff like that online. E! Have you ever ran up the down Escalator? Or ran down the up one? No. What did you Eat last? Chicken tenders and fries. What’s the most Expensive gift you’ve ever received? My MacBook. How do you like your Eggs? ”Fried or fertilized?” Sorry. I had a friend who would always say that. Anywho, I like them just about any kind of way. I like eggs. Have you ever been so angry you thought you might Explode? I’ve definitely felt that way. Like the shaking, clenched fist mad. It takes a LOT to get me to that level, but it has happened. F! Would you ever want to be Famous? Nooo. Do you think you’re Funny? I have my moments I like to think. Are Flashing lights fun? I don’t like flashing lights and such. I don’t have epilepsy, but it does hurt my eyes and give me a headache. When was the last time you Flew in a plane? 2006. Has a Folding chair ever un-folded and squished you while you were on it? No, thankfully. G! Did you ever wear Glasses, even though you didn`t need them? No. I’ve worn glasses since I was 9 years old. Have you ever eaten Glue? No. Do you Give to charity? Yes, when I can.

Do you think Goats are cute? Sure. H! When was the last time you High-fived someone? I’m not sure. Do you dye your Hair? I do.

Are you Happy with your life? No. When was the last time someone physically Hurt you? *shrug* Do you always wear a Helmet when you go cycling? I don’t go cycling. I! What’s your favourite flavour of Ice-cream? Strawberry. Could you ever live in an Igloo? I don’t think so. Do you know what an Icoceles triangle is? Isosceles triangle*, yes. What’s the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen? Uhhh. Do Insects freak you out? Y E S. J! When was the last time you completed a Jigsaw? Not sure. Years ago sometime. Do you like Jam? Sure. Tell me a Joke! Nah.

Are you Jealous of anyone? No. I’m envious of some, though.

K! Who was the last person you Kissed? Joseph. Do you have a nice Kitchen? It’s too small. Do you like Kiwi fruit? No. Do you find Knock-Knock jokes hilarious? I mean, depends? Do you tend to Keep a bunch of stuff you really don’t need? Oh yes. L! Do you think walking under a Ladder is bad luck? No. Have you ever been inside a Limo? Yes. Fun fact: my dad used to drive for a limo company when I was a kid. It was awesome. One time he picked up the woman who is the voice of Disney’s Pochahontas from the airport. Do you really hate Losing? It’s not something I particularly enjoy. Do you like playing with Legos? I did when I was a kid. Do you think you have a cool Laugh? No. M! Did you collect Marbles as a kid? Nope. Do you look in the Mirror a lot? No. I try to avoid it when possible. Do you have a Moustache? No. Could you live without Music? I suppose I could, but I certainly miss it. Do you like going to Museums? Yeah. N! What’s your Name? Stephanie. Do you like your Neighbours? I don’t know them. Their dogs are quite annoying due to their excessive barking, though. Especially when it’s during the night as I’m trying to sleep. :| I blame the owners; though, not the dogs. Do you watch the News? Yeah, a bit. What`s your favourite Number? 8. O! Do Opposites really attract? They can. Would you hate working in an Office? I don’t know. I mean... I sit at home on the computer all day, so if it’s something like that and I can get paid I could maybe do it. Ha. Are you Open-minded? I believe so. Do you think Olives are gross? The green ones are. P! When was the last time you made Pancakes? I personally have never made them. I haven’t had any in a long time either. Are you wearing Pajamas? It’s not very often that I’m not wearing pajamas. Have you ever been to Paris? No. Can you play the Piano? Very little. I’ve had lessons, but it’s been so long now. I wish I had kept up with it because I could have been decent. Do you Pull the door that says Push or Push the door that says Pull often? Yeah, haha. Q! Are you a Quiet person? Yes. Do you ask too many Questions when you first meet someone? No. Are you a Quick learner? It really depends. Did you know that Mythbusters proved that a Quack can echo? Ah. Do you know anyone called Quentin? No, not personally. I just know of Quentin Terrantino. R! Do you smile everytime you see a Rainbow? No, but I always acknowledge when I see one and appreciate its beauty. Do you listen to the Radio all the time? No. I very rarely listen to the radio. Can you Roller-blade? No. Do you take a Rubber-duck in the bath with you? No. Also, I take showers. Can you Run fast? Somewhat. S! What makes you Scared? A lot of things. Don’t you think Sellotape is cool? What? Do you get Sick a lot? Not like your colds and flu sick, but in other ways due to health issues. Do you still own a Slinky? No. T! Did you like Thomas the Tank Engine when you were a kid? Not really. When was the last time you were in a Taxi? It’s been a few years. Are you Thirsty? No. Do you always remember to say Thank-you? Yes. Do you take care of your Teeth? Not the best that I could/should have, and it’s another regret of mine. U! Do you own an Umbrella? We have one, yeah. Do you live Underneath anyone? No. Do you think hanging Upside-down is fun? No. Have you ever put water in a rubber-glove and pretended they were Udders? No. Do you think you are Ugly? I am. V! Do you live in a Village? No. Do you have a cool Voice? I don’t like my voice. What’s your Vice? Hmmm. Do you still own any old Video’s? Yep. Do you think you could survive in the Victorian era? Ahh I really don’t know. W! Are you too Warm right now? A bit. Do you like Weetabix? What is it? Do you wear a Watch everyday? I never wear a watch. Are you cautious about your Weight? Only as of late because I’ve lost some weight due to health related issues and I need to put some weigh back on. My doctors and family always comment on it. I was already a thin person before, so it’s more noticeable I guess that I have lost weight. Do you get Worried a lot? Yepppp. X! Do you like to play the Xylophone? I think I’ve only ever played a toy one as a little kid. Did you ever watch Xena: Warrior Princess? No. Have you ever been X-Rayed? Many times throughout my life. Are you Xenophobic? No. Did you know that X is 10 in Roman Numerals? Yes. Y! Do you like Yogurt? No. Well, unless you count frozen yogurt. Was Yesterday better than today? No. Do you like the colour Yellow? Yes, it’s one of my favorite colors. How are You? Tired and I have a headache. Do you Yell a lot? No. Z! Do you think a horse painted to look like a Zebra is cool? Aw, no. That’s mean. Do you know your Zodiac sign? Leo. Do you take Zinc? No. Did you know that Steve Irwin said to run in Zigzags to escape a Croc? Yes, I’ve heard that because crocodiles can only go in straight lines so running in zigzags confuses them.